ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 25th 2018

Episode Date: June 24, 2018

We are back from a well deserved holiday! Harry from Heartbreak Island is on the show and what's the gross thing you like doing to your partner?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. Tap into free Wi-Fi 24-7 when you join Spark prepaid on a selected pack. Now, on with the podcast. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, sans Fletch. I've got eyes on Fletch. He sent me an Uber. I got a notification from Uber this morning. I was like, I haven't ordered an Uber, have I? And it was him telling my profile where he's at. Right.

And he just entered that big tunnel. My favourite was... That I moments ago called the Mount Albert Tunnel and I was across the board... No one calls it the Mount Albert Tunnel. Slandered. No. I loved that last night when we were having a wee show catch up

on Facebook, our Facebook messenger. I'm like, where are you? He's like, I'm in Chile. What time was it? Three o'clock in the afternoon. Oh, yeah. Still in Chile. He landed at like quarter past five.

He skipped duty free. I would have been happier that he wasn't here for the first like three quarters of an hour of the show as long as he was duty free at it for me. You know what he's like as soon as he gets off that plane. Guns it. So I don't know if story, has he done story time? He's done story time. Apparently he's sent through.

Story time. Story time. So James might be stepping in for story time next. I think that's Caitlin. No, you were doing it. No. I did it last time. A story each.

Yeah. Okay, let's do a story each if Fleece doesn't arrive. And then we have to pick from the stories. Next. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. I just want to point out that's James on the button. Stop me, because Fletch hasn't arrived at work yet after our holiday.

He's coming. He's on his way. So Caitlin is going to step up. I don't know who decided that I should do this. Story time. Let me just channel Fletch. Story time. Three stories. I'll give

you the headlines. You can only choose one story that you want to hear more about. The rest of them are gone. Poof. Thrown away. Into the rubbish bin. Forever. Forever. You'll never hear them. Okay. Woman owns whole Ferrari for 458 minutes. Okay.

Story number two. Mechanics find source of hissing sound under bonnet. Okay. There's two. Mechanics find source of hissing sound under bonnet. Okay. There's a snake, wasn't it? I don't know. Oh, you actually don't know. I don't know. I haven't read these stories Megan, so you just tell me which one and then I'll just quickly

click onto it. And story headline number three. Couple's secret to 50 years marriage. Oh. Now, we can't, just disclaimer, we can't do story number three because I clicked on it and there's no actual, like, details on it apart from the fact that there's... Oh, it's a dud link.

Yeah, it's a dud link. No, you've got to answer the survey question to continue reading this content. I don't want to do that. This is a paid or skip survey. Skip survey. Click on do that. This is a paid book or skip survey. Skip survey. Click on skip survey. That is the shit. Crikey.

Here we go. We can do story number three if you would like. It's like a paywall. That's stupid. Let's do story number three only because two is definitely a snake under the bonnet. One is the woman, she hired a rental Ferrari. I read about this story. She hired a rental Ferrari

and 468 minutes afterwards spun out at an intersection and smashed it. 468 minutes? Yeah. 458 minutes. 458 minutes. How many hours is that?

Oh, I don't know. I don't know. 60 minutes in an hour. Four hours. Four hours. Thereabouts. And she made a video, I don't know. I don't know. 60 minutes in an hour. Four hours. Four hours. And she made a video, I don't know if it was on Instagram or whatever, saying, oh my god, this is the greatest feeling of my life. First time driving a Ferrari.

Oh. Whoopsies. It's totaled. God, that makes me feel better about backing the rental car on the Gold Coast into another car. Did you? Yeah. Fallon? Yeah. You backed your own car into a bollard recently. What's wrong with you reversing? Yeah, and I backed my car

into an old mate at the doctor's too. I don't know why. I just fly out backwards. And you give me crap for bad driving. I think I'm used to driving our big family cars, got the beep, beep, beep when you're getting too close to something and I've become ultra reliant on it. Like here at work I back into my car park every day

and I just keep going until I nudge the wall. What did you do about the rental car? I left a note. It's been taken care of I assume. Do they have your credit card details? Yeah. It'll be all sorted. I paid for the insurance and stuff.

You know how people are like, oh I don't do the insurance thing on rentals. It's a rip off. It's not because I just walked away from that like this. Just do it. Okay. To pay the $6 a day extra or whatever it is for full insurance.

And then if you're back under someone when you're yelling at your kids to be quiet. It's amazing you haven't had a more serious crash. Yeah. So story number three. Couple's secret to 50-year marriage. Okay, so we go to Matawan in New Jersey. Who knew that was a place?

Did I pronounce that right? I don't know. And this cute AF couple, they're celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and it's all because of Burger King. So this happened back in 1968 when they were late for a show for their wedding anniversary

and they stopped at a restaurant for a quick bite. 59 years later, the ritual was born. No, no, 49 years of the ritual was born. So that means that every year on their wedding anniversary, they go to Burger King

and they celebrate their wedding. Just like they did all those years ago. Yeah. And so like when they had children, someone needs Fletch to let them in. I mean Fletch needs to be let in. Here's a swipe card. Here you go, Anya. Oh my God.

You can finish story time. That's pretty cute. They've got a five and a zero in the burgers. When they had their children, they took them to Burger King. When they had their six grandchildren consisting of quadruplets and twins. Quadruplets, that's four, eh? Yes. That is a lot of babies in one summer.

To carry around, it is a lot. That's a lot of growing up. And they just keep taking them to Burger King because that was just their ritual. That's pretty cute. They get like free upsells on the combos or something? Yeah. They've done a lot of groundwork for the publicity of BK. They gave them free like five zeros in their burgers.

They should at least have one of those stickers on their windscreen. When you go through the drive-thru. Or free fries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Free upgraded fries. Free upgrades. There's a hack to anywhere with a drive-thru. When you're ordering, just say you've got the VIP sticker.

Then they can't see it. And then when you get there, it's too late. Do you want to see them? They're real cute. No, not really. You've seen one old couple. You've seen them all. Lloyd and Sandy.

It's like kids. Like, I look at those. There's some kids there. Those are their grandkids. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, they're all right. They're not as good as mine, though. It's like grandparents.

It's like, they're all right. They're not as good as mine ever were, though. Okay. Are we waiting for Fleets to come in? Nah. Oh, okay. FEM. Demi Lovato on set M.

Fleets, Warner Megan. Fresh. Demi Lovato, Onset M, Fleets, Warner Megan, fresh off flight L.A.N. 801 even though it disappeared off flight tracker midway through the night.

When I landed and you were like R.I.P. I was like, what are you talking about? I'm here. You disappeared off the flight tracker.

We were so worried. L.A.N. 801 we threw it was the new MH370 because it's like L.A.N. 801 rolls off the tongue quite well as well.

Okay, great. But it would have been great content. Well, unfortunately for you, I'm alive. Yeah. So... You're a madman to do that.

Straight off a flight from Chile? Yeah. How long was the flight? Well, you know, I don't like to waste a day off. No, mate, you must. Like, typically, I haven't taken today,

like, they're not going to dock me for 17 minutes late for work, are they? Nah. No, not at all. No, but it'll be official warning, though. I can't imagine, I can't imagine Ross Boss

even being awake. No. No. Well, today's the 25th, six months till Christmas. Yes. But that means two days ago it was your birthday.

I know, do you know I've skipped the 24th? It didn't exist to you. It didn't exist to me. But my birthday was on a plane. Oh. Yeah, the flight attendant

said happy birthday. She's like, Mr. Fletcher. How oh yeah the flight the flight attendant said happy birthday she's like Mr. Fletcher how does that she's like happy birthday I was like how do you know and I guess she gets a print out of everything

right of everybody in there does that that would make me sad but you just don't you're not worried I don't care had to come home didn't I

what's happening on the show why don't I have the thing I think pre-birthday celebrate why why don't I have the thing, Caitlin? South America's in a bloody mess. But anyway, you might be wondering why Sharni's sitting in here, an early morning guest, and this giant box on the desk.

Okay, yeah. Okay, because it was your birthday. Yep. Sharni did this completely. Yeah, this has little to nothing to do with us. Is this a present for me? Is this a present? Sharni, you unveil

what you've done here. Okay. Wow. Oh my God. It's a Kaz the cat cake. That's a completely edible cake. That is insane.

Sharni has made you. Wow. Sharni, thank you. Karen the cat cake. How long did that take you to make? Days. Wow. Oh my God. We need to get some How long did that take you to make? Days. Wow.

Oh, my God. We need to get some photos of this online because you have just made the most amazing cake. Thank you. What flavor is it? It is white chocolate raspberry. Oh, my favorite flavors. Okay, this is the greatest. Because when she messaged me, I've got a cake.

I'd like to bring it in. I was like, yeah, that's cool, bring in a cake. And then I saw a cake and was like, have you seen a photo of the cake? I was like, I haven't seen it. And she showed me a cake. I'd like to bring it in. I was like, yeah, that's cool, bring in a cake. And then I saw a cake and was like, have you seen a photo of the cake? I was like, I haven't seen it. And she showed me a photo. I was like, oh my good god. Have you used an airbrush? No, I hand painted that. You should be on that show.

What's that show I like about the cakes? No, that's where people are rubbish. No, not that show. There's another one and they do real amazing cakes. Extreme Cake Makers? Yeah, that one. Probably that one. Is that the one where the do real amazing cakes. Extreme Cake Makers? Yeah, that one. Probably that one. Is that the one where the cake maker, they go to the stores and it's professional cake makers and you follow the journey of the cake creation?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. People get weird. They made a horse one day. This horse was a human horse. That's great. Wow. Yeah, this is a 3D cake. This isn't like a laid out flat cake.

This isn't a tin. This isn't a cat tin that's been painted in Kaz's colours. This is full Kaz. I don't want to eat it because it's cat tin that's been painted in Kaz's colours. This is full Kaz. Like, I don't want to eat it because it's like, you'd ruin it. That's art. That's art. It's beautiful.

Like, could I just keep that on the shelf? How long will that last? Keep the head. Oh. No, I went to that Body Worlds exhibition. They're dead people and they've lasted so fast. Oh, bloody Hans von Creepy Dutchman, how he did that

and you'll be sweet. Did I read in the news when we were away someone stole a toe? Yeah. What the hell is wrong with that exhibition? Yeah. There's only one body you can actually touch. It's like all these do not touch signs and someone stole his toe. Oh, New Zealand.

I know. That's been all around the world. Yeah. They managed to stay intact. And we steal a toe. I feel like that is a little wasted on radio because you can't see it, but we'll get some photos up.

Yeah. ZM Online, FVM, ZM. It's a beautiful cake. It's a beautiful cake. Thank you so much, Sharni. You're welcome. And what did you guys get me? Mine's on the wall.

We let Sharni in the door. It's coming. Is it? It is actually coming. FVM. ZM. Yesterday in Denver, Colorado, an exhibition match of rugby league was played between the Kiwis and the British.

We won't talk about the score. So we lost? Oh. Okay. But it started, it started interesting. Okay. I'd always think that if you're traveling anywhere as a team and there's going to be a national anthem, you need to be sure there's going to be someone there

who can sing the national anthem. Even if it's just someone in the squad. Or you'd fly someone in. Like, how expensive would it be to get... Who sings our anthem at the Rugby Valley? Lizzie. How expensive would it be to fly her over? She could write some columns on the way over.

Yep, exactly. I've seen that she writes columns. Yeah, yeah. There's a multitude of options there. We, exactly. I've seen that she writes columns. Do a travel blog. Yeah, yeah. There's a multitude of options there. We'd certainly get our money's worth out of her. I mean, you could really chuck one third of Solomio on a plane. I mean, I don't want to pick favourites. I don't want to pick which one of Solomio gets the go, but one third of them.

I don't know which one. Or the middle one. Or the right one. The right one. Get stumped. But anyway, who ended up singing it was an American singer. I've done a little bit of research. I can tell you Crystal Collins is her name, and she is a singer.

She's got YouTube videos on her YouTube channel of her singing classics like If Loving You Is Wrong. So you would say she's a good singer? Jesus Loves Me. Yeah, she's a wonderful singer. Okay. But I'm guessing she's never heard the New Zealand National Anthem before. She probably got lumped with this last minute.

I would have straight up said no if I'd looked at the piece of paper and it wasn't even a language I spoke or had heard of. No, no. Because she led the charge with the today-o version of the anthem. Oh, dear. anthem. She's like a player, just kind of humming along. What is that in the tune to? We treat our dear and our free land.

Had she not? No, it sounds like she had heard it and she's trying to recall it because she didn't go completely wrong. No, but she had the words in front of her. No, but she kind of sounded like she'd heard a tune. No, she she had the words in front of her. She had the... No, but she kind of sounded like she'd heard a tune. No, she was singing the wrong tune. I know, but like,

do you know what I mean? Like, she's kind of... She didn't practice enough, did she? No. Well, she might not have been given much time. I don't think she practiced

that all. She's winging it. The best part was the Kiwis in the crowd are just like, what's going on here? What's going on here? Because we know how much the Americans love their anthem.

Oh, they do, yeah. They went 30, buggered up the anthem. Yeah. But she had no excuse because she's American. She's American, yeah. And that other girl recently who absolutely butchered it and literally said, can we start again? That's right.

That was heartbreaking. She wore it as well. But again, that was their country's anthem right. That was heartbreaking. She wore it as well. But again, that was their country's anthem, this woman. Yeah. She gave it a shot. She tried. And we love an underdog here in New Zealand. She'll probably be back next Kiwi's League test

because, you know, as bad as the anthem was, it's not as bad as losing to Britain. Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast. This happened over the weekend. This was pretty bad.

An eight-year-old. In America at the moment, there's heat waves in certain parts. podcast. This happened over the weekend. This was pretty bad. An eight-year-old, in America at the moment, there's heat waves in certain parts. An eight-year-old entrepreneur, I'll call her an entrepreneur, decided outside her inner city building, where she's lived her whole life, she'd sell some bottled water.

Gotta be careful though, Vaughn. My friend did this in Vegas. Chris, our old producer. But it was just a homeless guy and he just filled bottles up and put the tops back on. They weren't sealed. They weren't sealed.

Chris brought the water. He brought the water, yeah. Did he get sick? I can't remember. Did he not think anything when he didn't crack open? Yeah, you gotta have the crack. I'd check.

But yeah. Like an eight-year-old's far more trusting than a scummy Vegas homeless person. Yeah. Yuck Yeah And so she's outside

Selling the bottled water And this woman Says do you have a permit To sell these bottles of water And this eight year old's like I don't even know What you're talking about Like what's a permit

I'm eight Yeah Trying to make some Make some You know Cash here lady Trying to get by In this mad world

The lady Then calls the police On this child. Who is this woman? Without calling her Permit Patty. Permit Patty. Is her name actually Patty? Can you imagine Patty?

Don't know. It goes well with Barbecue Barbara and all these people that are calling the police on people in their neighbourhood. Was she African American? So the kid, yes. Right. The kid and her mother who kind of filmed the whole shebang are the woman

who called the police not. Yeah. And she thinks it's a joke. The mother's filming. She's like, I just want you all to know my eight-year-old's out here trying to make some pocket money,

selling some bottled water on a very hot day outside a building that she lives in and has had lived in her whole life. Yeah. This woman's calling the police. And when the woman realises

she's on film, she hides behind a wall and ducks. The woman walks around and be like, there ain't no hiding from this. You know the woman realises she's on film, she hides behind a wall and ducks. The woman walks around and be like, there ain't no hiding from this. You know, if you're going to call them, you've got to be responsible. And that's when the woman turns on her

and just looks right at the camera and is like, that child is breaking the law! Selling water without permits! And it's a crazy... America. It's crazy. It's like this... Imagine having your lemonade stand shut down. That sort of craziness. A crazy America. It's crazy. It's like this.

Imagine having your lemonade stand shut down. That's sort of craziness. Haven't they cracked down on those as well? Yeah. The bottled water is less because, you know, it's sealed. I've actually got to go through the list. They released the list of food places with the food ratings while I was away. Yeah.

There were some shoppers. Sometimes I don't like to look. I mean, there's the predictable ones. You're reading through the list. you're like, uh-huh. Yep. Mount Roskill, right? Yep. Okay, great. Dominion Road, no surprise.

Flick, flick, flick. But then there were some surprises in there. But when they come out, you're like, okay, I'm not going there. And then you get a bit loose on it and you're like, okay. After a couple of months, you're like, ooh. Look, their cockroach dumplings are amongst the best in the world. I'll risk it. I'll risk the cockroach dumplings. They say it's only a matter of time before we're like, ooh. Look, their cockroach dumplings are amongst the best in the world. I'll risk it. I'll risk the cockroach dumplings.

They say it's only a matter of time before we're all eating insects anyway as a form of protein. I might as well get on this bus early. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Well, it happened when we were away. The Prime Minister gave birth to a lovely little baby girl on the 20th because I was like, God,

she better not pop out on my birthday, the 23rd. It was close. I was close. 23rd was Saturday. I don't need the Prime Minister's daughter stealing the thunder. My thunder.

You would have had your thunder well and truly stolen. I know. Everyone would have been like, oh, she's had a baby. But what about my birthday? But then yesterday we finally got a name.

Yeah. Because that was the big debate. Once the baby was born, what is the baby going to be called? Neve. Did it come out? Spout N-E-V-E like Neve Campbell, not N-I-A-M-H like the crazy Irish spell it and then expect us to be able to know it's got a V in it.

Sorry, Neam. I didn't know. I've got Irish heritage and I had no idea. Or Nave idea, as you say. Yeah. I think that's how they say it. V in all sorts of places. So knave, tiaroha, arden, gayford.

And it came out with that hipster green beanie on. Yuck. Amazing. I mean, the greens were very stoked. It was a show of support to their left wing. Think about that when you're dressing your baby. You can't dress it in political colours. Babies don't look good in red, though.

Yeah, true. Can't you get a baby to look good in red? And you don't want to put a blue beanie on because then it looks like it's a national baby. Or a purple one for United Future or a yellow one for ACT. David Seymour, no. You don't want to make it look like your baby's endorsing

Seymour on Dancing With The Stars. No. But the big shock for me was being from Morrinsville much like our Prime Minister that she gave the middle name Te Aroha given that that's the Shelbyville to our Springfield. There's a fierce rivalry between

the two of them. They're like, we've got hot springs. It's like, yeah, well, we've got meth and I'll tell you what's making more money. Meth and dairy, baby. Stick your hot springs right up your hoo-ha. So to hear that it was Te Arawa, I immediately thought, what are the Waikato townships?

Could she have given as a name to the baby? Okay. Without alienating the Morrinsvillians even more, number six on the list, Mere Mere. Oh, beautiful.

Because when people hear my daughter's name, I want them to think of the smell of burning rubber, one of New Zealand's biggest prisons, and the boggy bits on the banks of the Waikato River. Mere, mere.

Right. Drag strip. It's nice. Yeah. That's how you say it. Yeah. There's always police around there doing speed checks. Oh, they know. They know. They're always hiding around there. Number five on the list of the other Waikato towns that could have made a wonderful middle name for the Prime Minister's baby. Number five is Huntly.

It'll soon be bypassed, Huntly, and people will forget it was ever a town at all. Then it'll just be a name, and people will think you're named after one half of the cracker company, Huntly and Palmer. Brilliant. Is it the more as the feminine, like Hunt is the boy and Huntley is the girl. Huntley is the feminine of Hunt.

I'm thinking when they bypass that shuffle over the KFC and McDonald's like just... They'll make one of those little autobahn stop-offs, right? Oh yeah, hopefully. Yeah. Yeah, okay, good. Number four on the list of the Waikato towns that would have made a fine middle name

for Nev Gayford is Te Ao Motu. Roses, big on their roses there. Of course, the Finns, the Finn brothers. And my sister's daycare, the Barnyard. She owns that, and this shameless plug entitles me to some of that sweet ECE moolah, am I correct? Sure. I don't know. Anyway.

Number three on the list of the top six Waikato towns that would have made wonderful middle names for the Prime Minister's baby is Hobbiton, previously known as Matamata. Great for the tourism dollar. Yeah. Nev, Hobbiton, Gayford. Yeah. You're saying Nev, is it not Neve?

Neve. I'd say Neve. You know why I'm saying Nev? Because of Nev Campbell. No, it's Nev Campbell. It's definitely Nev Campbell. It's Nev off Catfish. Yeah, but that's Nev.

That's short for Neville. Neville from Catfish. What's the latest on him? Apparently, it's been... The sexual assault rumours were unfounded. They looked into it. Catfished. He was.

That'll be an upcoming episode. Number two on the list of the Waikato towns that would have made wonderful names for the Prime Minister's baby, Pokonu. Oh, yeah, good. Ice creams, bacon, and that massive housing development

that came from nowhere and is getting bigger every time I drive past it. That used to, I remember when that was a paddock. And that makes you sound old when you say that to your kids. Kids, Dad remembers that when it used to be a paddock. Dad, you're so old.

It was literally four months ago. How did they build so many houses so quickly? And the number one white guy town that would have made a wonderful middle name for the Prime Minister's new baby, Morrinsville. What a town. All the cows. Yeah. All the meth. All the cows. Yeah. All the meth.

All the other stuff that goes with it. Yeah. Crime and all prosperity during good times. Yep. Why wouldn't you? Why wouldn't you?

That's today's top six. So yesterday, Sunday, we had a friend's child's birthday party. Okay. It started at 10 and we woke up at 9.

So you can imagine there was a bit of a frantic scramble. Are these details necessary for the story? Kind of. It explains the next part that happens. Because I've been doing this thing with the girls on weekends where the night before I make them food because the thing that most people have to get up and tend to their children for is feeding them. Right. So I make them like food because the thing that most people have to get up and tend to their children for is feeding them

right so I make them like essentially a packed lunch so they wake up in the morning there's milk in cups yep so we all know what happens

when my children pour milk and the lower part of the fridge they can grab those grab a yoghurt there's sandwiches there's apples there's bananas they've got options

so you sleep in so we get to sleep in oh no and plus it's like fun because then you're like a little like yeah they have a picnic yeah a little picnic

yeah I chuck some blankets on the couch and leave it on Nickelodeon so they've just got to turn the TV on and they're all set to go brilliant the house is always a mess

when you wake up but at least you get to sleep in yeah that's a little parenting hack okay some people can't trust their children to be alone like some kids

are fire starters like I was a bit of a fire starter when I was young, but my children haven't shown any signs of being pyromaniacs. Not yet. So on Saturday we slept until 10. My wife got out of bed at 10. I got out of bed at half past nine.

Like that's an unheard of parental sleeping. Yeah. And use this hack, but don't blame me if your kid burns your house down. So on Sunday it was nine and we're like, what time is that? Party's at 10. So it was pretty frantic.

Everything was on, you know, in time does that party start? Ten. So it was pretty frantic. Everything was on, you know, in a bit of a hurry. Yeah. So I said, why don't we grab something like a coffee and something

at the bakery, the cafe that's on the way to the party. So we pull in, I get out of the car and as I get out of the car, we see a friend of ours who's just been

into the coffee shop. And she's like, how are you? I'm like, very, very well. In a little bit of a hurry, we're off to this party. Sade's in the car. I'm just rushing in to get her a pie. Okay. Sade's got the window down.

She's like, mind you, on the drive there, we had fully agreed that we were both getting pies. We'd just got it on the flavours. I'd forgotten temporarily what flavour she wanted. Okay. So I turned around and I said, yeah, Sade's just getting a pie. Then I hear, I don't want a pie. So I turned around and I said, your shadow's just getting a pie. Then I hear, I don't want a pie! And I spin around and I'm like, what?

You wanted a pie? What flavour did you want again? She's like, no, I never said I wanted a pie. I'm like, you did. We discussed how great pies were and how they were the perfect thing to eat in this situation because you could eat them in a hurry with no implements and ditch the evidence and brush the pastry off you

as you got out of the car and it's a victimless crime. I said, what pie did you want? She said, no, I said I wanted a breakfast bap. I said, the word bap has not come out of your mouth in the last week. Absolute lies. What pie did you want? So I find out later when I get back in the car with her breakfast bap and my pie, which makes me feel like a fatty, that she changed her order.

She's like, I can't believe you called me out in front of Catherine about the pie. Yeah, that's your bad. I was like, what are you talking about? Does Catherine care if she eats a pie? Catherine doesn't care if she's eating a pie. Well, not that I know. I assume most people wouldn't care. If you've decided in the car, you're like, we're going to get a cheeky pie on a Sunday.

You don't broadcast it to everyone, especially someone you know. Just keep the pies on the deal. When I get back in the car, I'm like, we're going to get a cheeky pie on a Sunday. You don't broadcast it to everyone, especially someone you know. Just keep the pies on the deal. When I get back in the car, I'm like, what happened to the pie? She's like, can I have a bite of your pie? I was like, absolutely not. So she did want the pie. She wanted a pie. She changed her order because we ran into somebody.

And she didn't want the shame. She didn't want to be the mum eating the pie. No, but was the person you knew there when you placed the order or were they just outside? They were outside. Oh, so you could have gone in and still got the pie and just said she was getting a bag. She told me she wanted a bag.

She was lying. She wants a pie. I didn't know she was lying. She wanted a pie. She doesn't want you to tell anyone. I am just getting shut out pie and it was like she radar-eared that with her bloody bat ears and then, I don't want a pie. I was just getting shut out of pie, and it was like she radar-eared that with her bloody bat ears. And then, I don't want a pie.

I was like, you did want a pie, and then it was very confusing. But then I found out it's because of the friend there, and she didn't want to be the pie woman. She didn't want to eat a pie in front of her friend. Yeah. Didn't want her friend to know she didn't want a pie. No, it's not. I knew exactly what was happening.

You would eat a pie in front of us. No, I wouldn't. When have you seen me eat a pie? To be fair, I don't know if I have seen you eat a pie in front of us. No, I wouldn't. When have you seen me eat a pie? To be fair, I don't know if I have seen you eat a pie. You got a pie that time, but you were in a different car to us when we stopped at the pie. When was that? It was probably Valney's. Yeah, I think it was a vulnerable moment.

I've seen you eat a kebab, but not a pie. Maybe I haven't. See, and if I did get a pie, I'd probably hide it from you. Why would you care if we saw? We're getting a pie. Yeah. Maybe I haven't. See, and if I did get a pie, I'd probably hide it from you. But why would you care if we're getting a pie? I don't know. No, because you guys always eat pies. But so if you and Andy P were going somewhere and you were like, Joan's in for a pie, but then you get there and there's somebody you know.

Yeah. You'd X-nay on the pie. Oh, totally. I didn't know this was even a thing. I'd totally go back on the pie and be like, oh, yeah, no, I'm just getting a sandwich. They're complicated creatures. Sal, totally. I didn't know this was even a thing. I'd totally go back on the pie and be like, oh yeah, no, I'm just getting a sandwich. They're complicated creatures. Salad sandwich. I know.

People were just saying, you know, that Coco the gorilla died over the weekend. People were like, we were learning things about Coco even to the moment she died. I'm learning things about women. Still. The moment they die. Still. I bet Coco wouldn't change her mind about a pie. I don't know, you just don't want to look like a piggy.

You don't want to look like a pig. Okay. See? Weird. Weird. What I wanted to know, is there anything else? You don't want to look like a pig. You don't want to look like a pig. Okay. So that's weird. What I wanted to know, is there anything else? Like, what's something that you'd only eat in private? That you wouldn't eat publicly?

Does anyone have things that they wouldn't eat publicly? There'd definitely be comfort foods. Like, you'd pig out on chocolate and all kinds of stuff and cake when you're at home. But you wouldn't eat it publicly? No. I can't think of a single thing I I eat privately that I wouldn't eat publicly. But would you, if you were at the supermarket binging on some food,

would you hide it in your trolley or basket in case you saw someone? Yeah. Or if I haven't hidden it and I'm talking to someone, I'll be like, don't look at my trolley, don't look at my trolley, don't look at my trolley. If you're walking with a trolley and then you see someone

but they haven't made eye contact with you yet, do you abandon the trolley? No. Have you ever ghosted a trolley? I've ghosted a trolley. But is it rude to look into someone's trolley? I always feel like a trolley. But is it rude to like look into someone's trolley? I always feel like it's rude. Don't look in there.

Yeah. That's my personals. Somebody once fidgeted a bit in the trolley. Oh, yeah. No. Get your fingers out my trolley. What you doing?

I can't have this now. You've touched it all. Alright, so we want to take your calls. 0800 Dials at M. You can text as well. 9696. What do you only eat in private? What do you not eat in public?

I didn't even know this was a thing. Maybe like pies. Maybe your pie. You can only eat pies alone. A private pie. Yeah. A private pie. Maybe a private bag of Maltesers.

But see, I'd eat Maltesers in front of you guys too. A whole bag? Yeah, a whole bag. I don't care. Okay. He is. I just didn't know there was this thing. It is.

It exists. All right. Give us a call, 9696 to text Well, I didn't think this was a thing until yesterday But my wife's mid sort of like cafe visit Order change from a pie to a bap Is a bap even that much better than a pie? Not really It sounds very carby

But just seems more all rounded Like it's got a bit of carb, a bit of protein. She changed from a pie because she knew someone there. We saw someone just outside. Amazing. The person was gone when I came back with the pies. But it was just that I

had said in front of her. We're just nipping in for a couple of quick pies on the way to the party. Now we want to know from you what you can only eat in private, what you don't like people seeing. We've got an anonymous caller joining us now. What's the food that you'll only eat in private? Oh, my God.

I love Maltesers all the time. Whenever my sister or someone takes me to the supermarket, I'll, like, quickly, like, sneak off from the group and go grab some Maltesers and just, like, kind of hide them next to me or go off to the checkout by myself and quickly just kind of come back around. What excuse do you give to your family that you're disappearing? Oh, no, we're all just kind of off getting stuff for the trolley, so I'm like, oh, quickly sneak down the confectionery aisle.

Then you look like you're shoplifting if you come back. And then they go, you know when you put Maltesers on your lap, you're watching a movie, you get to the bottom and they're all like mushy? Oh, no. Because of your body heat? I eat them way too quickly. Way too quickly. Oh, okay, right. Is it because you don't want to share or is it because you'd get judged?

Oh, kind of both, a little bit. Yeah, so it's a bit like the pie thing. You don't want to be judged for eating bad. Do you run healthy? Thank you, get judged. Oh, kind of both. A little bit. Yeah, so it's a bit like the pie thing. You don't want to be judged for eating bad. Do you're unhealthy. Thank you, anonymous caller. Another anonymous caller joins us. Cream Donuts. Yes.

In private. Yes. Are you trying to put on a voice disguiser? No, I just know that my husband lives in. I have been eating pies and sandwich for a while now. No, I just know that my husband lives in... If I had a cream donut, I'd eat it in private. Yeah, well, it's... Yeah, trying to be healthy and all of that rubbish, so... It's not the dust.

Because I always find a donut's hard to eat if it's got icing sugar on it. It gets quite... You get quite a lot of dust around the face. Yeah, I just have like a spare cardi in my car that kind of goes down my front because I'm known for being quite messy. Right. I know. It's terrible. You've been eating donuts.

You'll be like, no, I've been on a cocaine bender. I don't know what I'm talking about. I swear that would probably be a better answer than a cream donut. No carbs. No carbs. No carbs, no. All right. I'll have some cocaine. Thank you, anonymous caller.

Some text messages. Somebody said, I'll only eat tuna on crackers when no one is around. Once I've eaten. But that's not unhealthy. Yeah, that's healthy. No, they said once their mate said that was really, what a weird combo. You're being a bit weird and then your breath's going to stink. So now they're highly conscious of the post-tuner breath stink.

Okay. So they eat them in private and then quickly brush afterwards to get rid of it. Producer Caitlin, didn't you have a run-in with an Uber Eats? You lied to an Uber Eats guy, didn't you? Remember that? Yeah. Well, no, because remember it was the hot one. The hot Uber Eats.

That's right. And you were ordering dessert. And I was ordering dessert because I The hot O'Brieks. That's right. And you were ordering dessert. And I was ordering dessert because I'd already ordered something else for dinner. And then I really needed some ice cream. I wanted some ice cream. But I got, like, quite a bit of ice cream. Like, because you've got to, I didn't want to order, like, $5 worth of ice cream. Because then on O'Brieks, it's, like, $8 charge to bring it to your house.

So I was like, oh, I'll just, like, buy a big one. And then I told him that I was like, oh, I'll just buy a big one. And then I told him that I was like, oh, this is for me and my... You sat there giving an awkward explanation. No, I was just like, thanks so much. He was like, enjoy your ice cream. I was like, because he was like off. And I was like, oh, yes, I'm going to have it later. Me and my flatmates are having this.

It's all over. It's a multi-night dessert for people. There's a lot of people behind me. But do you ever eat anything in private? Oh, all the time. Everything. Chips, chocolate. Chips.

Last night I ate a free smoothie for breakfast. Last night I ate a curry in bed by myself. In bed? Oh, and ate a curry in bed. Yes. That's too unpredictable. No, I'm down for that. No, it was good.

No, they're unpredictable. No, you'll stain your Sheraton. No, that's comfort food and your comfy place. Good shakes, yeah. Oh, it was so good. But I didn't need anyone else saying that. Okay. So just tell the nation on the radio.

Oh, yeah. And said, a couple of text messages. Somebody said, I love a packet of pork crackling, but I sure wouldn't eat it in front of anyone. That's a privacy snack. And someone said, once I have to of pork crackling, but I sure wouldn't eat it in front of anyone. That's a privacy snack. And someone said, once after leave this, they get themselves a treat after a gym class. It's a bit of a well done. Isn't that undoing everything?

But their car, they went to the supermarket and came back to their car, which was still parked outside the gym class. So they climbed into the boot of their car and shut themselves in there to eat their snack in the dark. That's some shame. And then pop the boot. That's some shame. And then pop the boot. But as they pop the boot and climb back out,

a whole lot of people were leaving the gym and they're like, you all right? They're like, yep. I like to imagine there's just like icing sugar all around the mouth but a custard on the top. 722. Next, I want to talk about a question that my husband was asked a couple of times on holiday. It actually made me lol.

Was it like, where's your mum? Harry from Heartbreak Island coming to the room. Harry from Heartbreak Island is in studio with us in about 10, 15 minutes. We all just got back from holiday. I spent two weeks in Thailand getting my tan on, which none of you have commented on. So they still do that thing when you check out of a hotel in Thailand and they radio to the housekeeping and they go to your room

and check you haven't nicked the TV in the minibar? Or was that just me? 100%. No, still. Okay. So the only place... Please wait there. We'll go check your minibar. And you're like, I've got to get to the airport. But okay, I'll wait 10 minutes

while you see if I've stolen a $15 tin of Pringles. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Everywhere I went. Send you up. Yeah, it's crazy. But while we were there,

we were there during the World Cup. The World Cup's like, it was quite cool watching it over there. But did Thailand have a team in the World Cup? No. No. No. No. They've got a soccer team. They love football and team in the World Cup? No. No. No. No.

They've got a soccer team. They love football and baseball, but they're no good at them. No. Okay, right. But there's people from all nationalities all over the world you're watching. It was quite cool. Watched a France game with heaps of France supporters and was like, boo, as they were like, yeah, just what you do.

And it was on at normal times because you know a lot of the times during the World Cup you have to get up in the middle of the night or whatever. But I was there with Andrew, my husband and we went up to breakfast one day and one of the what do you

call them? Not a waiter, one of the people there as we walked in he said oh my god do you play football? And Andrew's like, sorry. To Mr. Toyboy. He's like, do you play football?

And he's like, sorry, what are you? He's like, Mr. Ronaldo? No. He actually lulled out loud. Like Cristiano Ronaldo. He loud. Like Cristiano Ronaldo. He was like, Cristiano Ronaldo. I was like, yes, and I'm his wife. Beautiful wife.

But not only once, twice he got asked. Are you kidding? He came downstairs and he was like, this other person asked me, working at the hotel again, are you Cristiano Ronaldo? And he's like, ah, no. Did he say not all olive tanned brown skin people look the same? I was like, why do you say yes?

We could have got like an upgrade. But I guess the name probably would have, but it could have been his alias. Also, he should have been in Russia playing

in the World Cup. He's close. He's not five. Short flight to Russia from Thailand. Like that's a giveaway that he's not him. Yes.

Yeah. That he's not in Russia. Yeah. They love, in Thailand, my wife's half Thai and her dad lives there. We've been there Yeah. They love, in Thailand, my wife's half Thai and her dad lives there when we've been there previously.

They love, like, asking, is that about people? Is that? It's like, no, of course it's not.

Like Sade's brother, he gets a range of people. Is that so and so? It's like, no, it's not. Why would he just be like walking down this

bum ass street in Bangkok? If that was so, but what I'm looking for, we're going at the end of the year and taking the kids so they can see, Why would he just be like walking down this bum ass street in Bangkok? That was so, but what I'm looking for, we're going at the end of the year and taking the kids so they can see, you know, where their year year lives. And I can't wait to tell people that Meghan Markle's arriving. So if we just have a bit of a, because Shade looks enough like her that we could give it a year. Yeah, right. I'll say I'm the bodyguard.

Or Jason Statham. Yeah. You're lucky I got, are you Amy from Evanescence in Vegas. No. Nobody wants that. Nobody wants that. Well, nobody wants that now, but there would have been a time when that would have had a fair bit of swing.

Special guest in the studio this morning, Harry from Heartbreak Island. Hello. Hello, you naughty little possums. How are we? Good, thanks. Good job, Ash. What's the reaction been like? Because it's been a couple of weeks now.

Yeah, it's been pretty hectic. It's good. I've got a bit of hate to start off with because I come on pretty hot and heavy. But yeah, it's starting to get real good now. Real good. When you say hate, what kind of thing? Oh, I think just... Like on the street or online?

Just online. Yeah. Yeah. What's been happening on the street? hate, what kind of thing? Oh, I think just... Like on the street or online? Just online. Yeah. Yeah. What's been happening on the street? Like, have you been approached? I was out like, oh, not last night, on Saturday. And everyone's just getting photos and like, oh, you're Heartbreak Harry. Blah, blah, blah.

I'm like, man, I'm nothing special. Chill out. So why did you want to do the show? Well, my dating history is absolutely appalling. Like all the girls that I seem to end up with end up pretty crazy and it just doesn't work out. So I was like, oh, yep, there's a dating show. I may as well give it a crack.

So you were like, I've dealt with crazy girls. I know where I'll find a sane one on a show that televises the entire relationship. When you run out of options, yeah. It seems like a good idea. It seems like a good idea. It seems like a good idea. You got to the bottom of the barrel, you're like, all right, you barrel.

Have there been people sliding into the DMs on Insta? Oh, absolutely. I got one on the weekend, actually. Some chick was like, I'll be your naughty little possum if you be my Steve Irwin. And I was like, you need to be my wife. That's not what I thought you were going to say.

No, I was like hovering by the microphone. Yeah, I was like, what are you about to say? So from your memory of what happened on Heartbreak Island, is there any episodes that you might cringe to watch back? All of them, yeah. All of them. Just the stuff I come out with. I'm just worried about the stuff that I can't remember

and I was just too excited. You get a bit excited. Oh, yeah. Do you watch yourself back religiously? Yeah, I watch the episode live and then I go back at home and study it and go, why, why did I say that? What am I doing?

They say that's the secret to making yourself a better person, realising your mistakes and analysing them. I don't think it's going to work with me. But you can't go back and reshoot. It's all been shot. There's nothing you can do. No. So the last episode, so Disruptors, let's talk Disruptors. For those that are

watching Heartbreak Island, more coming. There's four tonight. Yeah, it's a big one. It's pretty hectic. We didn't think any more people were going to come on. Because that's like when you're out and more people walk into the club, you're like, okay. More possibilities. Especially when they're hot as hell too.

Right. Do you get self-conscious? Oh, absolutely. Yeah, with legs this skinny? Of course you do. Oh, he's got skinny legs too. He's got chicken legs. It's not about me.

I'm not on heartbreak island. You should compare your legs. I don't want to. No thanks. You have to take your pants off when you're wearing jeans. All the way down. But no, I do have thin legs. But then they get thick at the top.

But then no one sees the part at the top. No. All the time. Yeah, it sucks. Oh, your legs. What are you talking about? Yeah, Vonn's legs are way skinnier than yours. Yeah, it sucks. Oh, your legs. What are you talking about? Yeah, Vaughn's legs are way skinnier than yours. Yeah, a little bit.

So is there anything, like, you've regretted so far or are you just cringe? Oh, 100%. Yeah, I'm cringe city. And I regret a lot of stuff. A lot of stuff I said, like dabbing down the jetty before I met the girls was probably the biggest mistake of my life.

Calling them naughty little possums. And then Kelsey minks. I just don't know what happened, what I was thinking. Because, you know, everybody uses dating apps and it's, you know, you swipe and you can easily dismiss somebody. But it was quite ruthless in the first episode, looking at someone and saying, no, I don't want you. How did that feel?

That was so savage because we didn't think that they were going to tell them. And we're like, oh, yeah, it's just going to, you know, just be one of those things that they disregard. And then telling Ella that she's like, you know, not all the boys didn't vote her. It just sucked. Like, I felt so terrible. Like, I just wanted to give her a big hug and be like, it's all good. Yeah.

Does it make you think twice about, like, dating apps? Because that's essentially, you know, you're just like, no, no, swipe away. Absolutely. Yeah, like, yeah, it's just ruthless. It's just so ruthless. I've deleted all dating apps. Everything's done. There's no way I'm going back to that.

That's, yeah, hectic. If Harm Break Island doesn't work out, do you think Caitlin Island will? Where you go to Waiheke Island with producer Caitlin? Without a doubt. She's my dream girl. Stop it. Did I see you two flirting on Instagram yesterday or the day before?

Look, we don't flirt, do we, Harry? I just try and get your attention and then you sort of just... It's a professional working environment. I was just prepping him to come in this morning. Right. That's all that it was. You can tell us if it's too much. Never gets if she gets too much

I love it I love it It's amazing The minute you stop loving it It's important It's important How old are you though? 21

Oh Shivers Oh no Okay Shivers Shivers That's quite young Yeah okay

Alright well another episode Of Heartbreak Island tonight On TVNZ2 Harry thanks so much for coming in. Thanks for having me, team. Fletcher's mum, Bev, has gone next live, Bev. Bev's next live. Bev's gone next live.

And it was huge when she used her first emoji a few years back. Sunglasses emoji. I always remember that. I was like, wow. But she just blew me out of the water the other day because she's gone overseas to Europe and the UK. And she sent out an email because she's not a Facebooker or an Instagrammer. So she wants her friends to keep in touch and know what she's up to. Are you worried?

Have you got tabs on her? She got one of those apps where you can see where she is at all times? Oh, no. What, like a tracker? No, I don't like those. Find friends. Vaughn always wants me to switch that on. I'm like, you're not knowing where I am on holiday.

I'm not going to know what bloody sect den in South America you're in by looking at a map. I just want to know that you're all right. And should I not hear from you, I look on, I see you there. I'm like, he's in the slums. And my dop's not moving and you can save me. I can contact the, who looks after you when you're overseas? Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade. Agriculture and Fisheries. Yeah.

I'll ask the Department of Conservation. I know where he is if someone's He's somewhere around there. going to go get him. The morning when I woke up at three o'clock

I checked the flight tracker and your flight had disappeared off the map. Well, I panicked. I thought I'm going to have to commandeer a fishing vessel and launch my own private search. No.

So mum not using Facebook or any social media tool has made a blog. And oh my God. Like it's got pictures and stuff. Fucking. Because she asked me. Your mum's a blogger. She's like, I want to do a blog. How do I do it?

I was like, I don't know. Just Google a blog and you just blog. I don't know. I've never done a blog. Next thing, she'll be doing podcasts. And promoting Slim T. Are you ready for your mum to be a social influencer? I don't know if I'm prepared.

She's like, I was really struggling as a woman in her 60s with my belly fat. And now I'm drinking this Slim T and look. I mean, the results speak for themselves. And your mum's pulling up her shirt in a blog. No, I don't want that. You're in for that? So she's got a blog and she's only just gone over. She's done a pre-blog and it's got pictures and everything. She's done very well.

Like, that's got to be a template thing, eh? Yeah, I believe so. Because how'd she figure that out? I believe so. It's passworded, but she's given me the password. Right. Oh, is it not public? We should post this.

No, she emailed all of her friends the password, assuming that they're all going to want to log on and see what she's up to on holiday. Don't make yourself conscious about it. I want to see what Beb's doing on holiday. When is she gone? Yeah, she's just gone. She's just gone.

Yeah, last couple of days. So Denmark and England. This was a post from the 11th. Okay. Oh, she hasn't updated for a while. No, it's about being consistent. She got her blog ready early. Right.

So when she hits the ground, it's ready to go. So it says, I am about to head to Europe for six weeks. We're in visiting Denmark and England. This is where we come across the first picture of the blog. How you insert a picture in a blog? It's amazing. I'm so impressed, Mum. In the picture, it's a picture of two beautiful roses

and it says 28th of June to the 4th of July 2018 the 18th World Rose Convention. Oh yeah, she loves roses. A fairy tale of roses. She grows heaps of them. Oh, she does have

two hundred of them. She'll probably be too busy to blog about them at the moment. She said, first I'm travelling with a group of Rose Society friends.

Now is that a New Plymouth local? I believe so, yeah. Or is it the New Zealand Rose Society? I don't know. I'm unsure, Vaughan. To the International Rose Convention in Copenhagen. Now, my nana Rita, RIP, loved roses, hated travelling.

I can imagine this would have been right up her alley. Her blog, this is a... She would never have travelled. It's a real niche blog for mum. Really, isn't it? A rose... Imagine going all that way to go to a rose convention. Yeah. Oh, it's weird, isn't it? I mean, it's good she to a rose convention. Yeah. Oh, it's weird, isn't it?

I mean, it's good she's got hobbies. You'd be like, there's a pink one. There's a white one. There's a red one. Like, you've seen them. There's one that fades from yellow to orange. Here's one with thorns. I know.

Here's one without thorns. God, it's lucky she's out of the country and can't hear this. She'd give us a growling. I'm waiting for the growling from my... Oh, my parents are out of the country too. Phew, I'm off the rose growling. There's more roses. That's what I always say.

They get so wound up about their roses, eh? Oh, I don't know. Oh, I've got to go prune the roses. It's only just started flowering. You're cutting the perfectly good flowers off. You're leaving the stalky, grim, yucky, thorny remains out there for nine months of the year. And then there's another picture. Right.

It says, oh, no, this was in Copenhagen, the International Rose Convention. Then we're heading to London to take in some gardens and English culture, otherwise known as white toast and baked beans. And there's a picture there of London. And then finally I head up north to visit friends and start the Wainwright Walk from St. B's to Robin Hood Bay. Now I've just looked it up. That's a 300 kilometre walk.

Yeah, she's been training. So she's gone to look at roses and do a big walk. Yeah. I know. What's the old boy doing? It's not my idea of a holiday. Have you talked to your dad? No, he's just at home.

Has he gone feral? No, we've got to check up on him because he likes to have fried food every day. I was going to say, he'll go. Mum's like, you've got to check up on dad. It's like, when did I become the parent? Told him he wasn't allowed sugar in his tea when I was there. I know. He's going to be like an unsupervised teenager.

I know. Listening to his music real loud, eating fried food. She'll come back to a real mess. Yeah. Or keep us updated with Bev blog. Bev next live. Yeah, Bev next live. In our group chat,

just so that people listening now can get a reaction, Megan, I'd especially like you to give your reaction to this photo that I'm sending to everybody right now. I just had to be very careful sending that photo. Either side, there were... What?

Oh. Okay. Explain that photo. Either side, there were... What? Oh. Okay. Explain that photo. This is what I saw in the departure lounge coming home to New Zealand last night in front of everybody. So there's somebody lying on the floor that looks to be the male of the heterosexual couple.

Yes. The female, he's like got his head in her lap like on Handmaid's Tale. And she is playing with his face? Megan? I would wager a guess and say it looks like she's squeezing something on his face. She is squeezing on his cheek

a giant pimple in front of everybody. What are your thoughts on that go? Yuck, disgusting. Don't do it. Why is he letting her do that in public? She was digging in. They were there doing that. Multiple blackheads. Everything. She's like

some kind of Dr. Pimple wannabe. Pimple popper. Because do you know what we just got over the... Sade found this when we were in Australia. It's one of those Dr. Pimple popper tools. I know why I want one of those so bad. Oh my god. So I felt like a little... You know on that... It's the worst place to get a pimple where the lip turns into the skin. It hurts so bad.

Isn't that just skin skin? Right on the border. Right on the border of the lip and the face. Okay, the no man's land of the lip. Yeah, yeah. The demilitarized zone between North Face Rhea and South Face Rhea. Yeah. And there's that bit there and there was a pimple right on there and I just saw that.

I can see it. Is it still there? Oh, minimal. They're in regnance. Okay. Minimal because I got out the Dr. Pimple Popper situation and I pushed it on my face

and it hurt but the whole thing just went gone. Just like that. She's a magician. You did that in private. 100%. Would you ever do this to Sade?

No, God no. We don't do that to each other full stop. So even in bed the privacy of your own home, if you had a pimple on your back. What if you had a big pimple on your back and you can't get it? There has been previous ones where I've been like, it's actually like a collar might be rubbing on it

or a seam might be on it and it hurts. I'm like, can you sort this out? And she'll say, it's not ready. That's what she always says. It is ready. And I said, I'm like can you sort this out and she'll say it's not ready that's what she always says yeah and then you're like it's not ready do it I said I'm ready

it doesn't control the situation okay what about Megan what about you and Mr Toyboy I'll squeeze in private I imagine you are like little you're like monkeys

and you're like preening each other yes do you hump them no he wouldn't let me because if he has one and it's obvious I'll be like please, please, I'll just get it. He's like, no, no, no.

He'll have to be like vulnerable and then I'll get it. Right. But never in public. He would never let me do that. Because I had a girlfriend that would be like, can I have a little bit of a look to see if you've got any? Oh, no. And she'd just like do it all the time.

Yeah. And I'd be like, no, you weirdo. I mean. Can I just see if you've got any? I mean, you're dating me like do it all the time. That's weird. Yeah, and I'd be like no, you weirdo. I mean, can I just say you've got I mean, you're dating me, you've got to have a downside. That's the general rule. You're attractive and stuff, but you're into weird, kinky stuff. Let me ask the couples and the producers, both,

and Ternania, you and the boyfriend. I'm all about it. Sign me up. Not in public though. No, no, no, not in public. But I do the same thing where I'm like about it. Sign me up. Not in public, though. No, no, no, not in public. Not in public. But I do the same thing where I'm like, let me have a look for goodies.

It's so weird. Oh, it's got a jingle, you creep. If your sexual kink has a jingle, it's time to knock it on the head. James, what about James? Yeah, definitely behind closed doors, yeah. If anything needs to be picked or anything, it's fine. But I'm quite hairy, so I get a lot of ingrown hairs

on my elbows, on my neck and everything. Elbows? On the weenus? Yeah. Goodness. And so... What causes the rub on the weenus that would cause an ingrown hair on the elbow?

I just have hair in all places so I feel like elbow they just seem to happen but the satisfying feeling of getting an ingrown hair out and yeah, my girlfriend, she'll see one

in public and she'll be like, I'll get that later. I'll put my ring around that. Yeah, put that in the iCalendar. That's what you do though and then you give a wee side like,

I'm going to get that later. Don't do it at the airport that's weird eh do you ever do it to her? yeah for sure, like the same thing if there's something on the back and it's annoying then I'll get right in there seeing as we're sharing

this morning, I want to open up the phone lines is there a weird gross thing that you and your partner like to do that you'll admit now behind closed doors or in public? both weird, gross thing that you and your partner like to do that you'll admit now? Behind closed doors or in public? Both. Both. Megan, go. Start. Oh no, I don't have one.

Do I? Okay, nobody else would let their partner pick their nose, eh? No. No, that's weird. You can pick your own nose. What's the difference between a pimple? Little boogie boogies. I am assuming that you can't see it or you can't get it yourself. Yeah, you're picking eyes by feel.

Right. Yeah, you pick your own nose. Please. I'm not saying I do it, Megan. I'm just saying that these people are picking pimples in public. What else are they doing? It's not weird to exfoliate each other, right? Go on.

Because I can't reach my back, but I get, like, a back wax. Why don't you get an exfoliator? I've got an exfoliating towel. Oh, yeah, they're great. The Japanese towels. That's turned it into a one-man job. I can reach the whole situation going like that. Okay.

But, you know, every now and then, if there's a little bit of Fiji sugar, bloody frangipani-scented. Body wash? You know, you can give each other a little exfoliate. Okay. Okay. O-I-N-G-I-L-E-S-T-I-L-E-S-T-I-L-E-M. What's the weird gross thing that you and your partner like to do?

I'm scared of what we're going to get. This is why we've got producer Caitlin, who is manning the phones, who is going to filter through the real deviants that are about to call F.E.N. Fletch saw a grim-ass couple in the departure lounge of an airport, and she was preening him and squeezing his pimples on his face. Yeah, he had a big, like, cheek one, and she was going all the blackheads as well. Not even discreet either because he's lying on her lap,

and it's quite the... What does she do with all the junk once she's squeezed it? Oh, they just wiped it on the car park. Oh, sorry. Burn the place down. Yeah, yuck, eh? Burn the whole place down. So while we're being honest and open,

because, you know, people have admitted that they'll squeeze their partner's pimples, but in private. In private. Never in public. The gross things that you do with your partner that some people might find gross, maybe you like.

Some text messages. Where do we start? gross that maybe you like? Some text messages. Where do we start? Oh, there's no shortage of text messages. I've picked my partner's nose with tweezers because he had some snot stuck and he kept trying to dig it out and I'd be like, no, you're missing it.

No, you're missing it. So I ended up getting it. Oh, but not with the finger. Not with the finger, with some tweezers and then they finish their text with, I wish to remain anonymous. Fair enough. Which is fine. You can, with some tweezers. And then they finish their text with, I wish to remain anonymous. Fair enough.

Which is fine. You can, that's fine. Fine. Somebody else said, I pluck my partner's monobrow. Is that gross? You'd do it in private. You wouldn't even do that in the departure lounge. No, you wouldn't.

No. Public. I'm okay with doing that. Yeah, that's better than being with someone with a monobrow, right? Yeah. That works both ways. Guys to girls, girls to guys. It does. Honey, okay with doing that. Yeah, that's better than being with someone with a monobrow, right? Yeah. And that works both ways. Guys to girls, girls to guys. Honey, honey, good morning.

Hi, how are you? Good. What do you do with your partner? About every two weeks I cut my partner's toenails. Okay. Is that it? You don't squeeze pimples? If he would let me squeeze his pimples, I would. But about every two weeks I cut his toenails,

clean out his ears and clean his belly button. So he can do it? Yeah, are these not things you would ask of your partner to take care of for themselves? Look, if I don't do it, he won't do it. So I'm just kind of like, sit on down. And because he plays rugby, they get kind of like mud in their ears and stuff.

Okay. So I get the good old cotton buds and give them a good old clean out. But you sound like you quite like this. I definitely, definitely do. The satisfaction afterwards of having a clean human lying beside me is so good. But you're like a valet.

He comes in and you... Exactly. You've got to service your man. Yeah. Okay. Check his you... Exactly. You've got to service your man. Okay. Check his oil. Exactly. Yeah.

Just leave him in the car park while you go to Westfield. Yeah. You've got to take him. Well, no, you leave him in parking. What is it? Park and clean. What, does Matthew Rich still run that cafe? Could you just take your husband there and be like,

give him the full thing, Matthew? I don't know. Tegan. Hey. Hey, yeah, sorry about picking your nose in public, like your partner's nose. Yeah,

in a restaurant, you know, see something just hanging out, I kind of lean over and, you know, scratch it out. But why don't you say to him,

just be like, hey, Gavin, left nostril. Oh, nah. Back's in the cave. I'd rather just,

you know, get it out myself to satisfaction. Have you ever, like, there's been a, like, I call them icebergs because they just look like a little bit and you pull it, but it's got a tail. And it's stringy. Yeah. And you're like, whoa. You love that.

I don't even like getting my own ones of those. Yeah, someone else's. I'm like, ah, it's pulling on my brain. I know, yeah. The crusty nuts are the best ones, aren't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not the springy ones. It's all about the crusty nuts.

Okay. Marsha, good morning. Hi. So this one's not actually me and a partner, but I was at WOMAT earlier this year, the music festival, and we were sitting at the poetry slam. Marsha, this is a great start to the story. I'm dangerously worried about where this is heading.

And that was before at the poetry slam. That was just when we were at WOMAD. So we're sitting at the poetry slam and there's this couple and she's got tweezers and everything. She came prepared and she was plucking the ear hairs out of his ears. And she was literally going for over half an hour. She would wipe it on his shoulder and then she swapped sides.

She took her own hair. How hairy was his ear hole? I don't know because she was going for ages and at the start we didn't know what she was doing because we were sitting probably a good five, six metres away from them and then I zoomed in on my Snapchat. Of course you did. And, like, the guy behind him was so disgusted by it.

Like, you could see by his reactions that he got up and left. It's one thing, like, she obviously is into it, but why is he letting her do that? And he'd be like, no. He was just sitting there casual as, like, not even phased. And she was going, like, she was like fully pulling really hard. You know when it's like the hair's released from the skin, there's kind of like a little tug back?

Yeah, a little recoil. Like the vacuum cleaner cord. And then she would do a couple and then she'd like wipe it on her shoulder and then go back in for more. And the person on stage is like, hairs, hairs, just no cares. Thanks, Marsha. Fill your fears.

Drink some beers. Some gross text messages in. Somebody said they actually were just driving and went, and they just gagged a little bit. Somebody said, it started out with cleaning out my partner's nose. Nose? In private, though.

And then it turned to removing the hairs from my partner's nose, like the protruding hairs. Oh, okay. Because they'll catch a bit of snot at the end, the ones that come out of the nose. I'll finish on this one.

My boyfriend had a pimple on his butthole. By the way, you might be thinking, what in business does a 36-year-old man have the same butthole? But it always feels good to say butthole, regardless of your age. So he had a pimple or something on his butthole, and it was causing him grief. Now he alerted me to it, and a few days later, he was starting to get concerned. He tried to take a photo, but couldn't get a good angle, and it was causing him grief. Now he alerted me to it and a few days later he was starting to get concerned.

He tried to take a photo but couldn't get a good angle and it kept coming out blurry. So he asked me to take a photo of it. I will never forget the moment I realised that he was bent over in front of me with his spread cheeks while I was holding a torch on

said spot and trying to find the right focus depth to get a good photo of the spot on the butthole. You'll be happy to know it all cleared up. Right, was it an ingrown hair? Maybe. Squeeze it. Maybe.

Not that they've admitted. I'm not going to read the other one. The one that we, nah. It feels like too much already, right? Yeah. There's worse than that? There's worse? There's one that kind of didn't feel bad,

but now that there's been a lot of it, it feels like it might be too much. Is it pimple related? No. Okay. Let's leave it at that. More butt hair. Let's leave it at that. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is about Brussels sprouts. You've done a fact of the day about Brussels sprouts before? I'm fairly sure I've not used this fact, this specific fact. But I thought it was a good time to just have a bit of a Brussels sprout. Never liked them growing up. That's what... Ever. But you like them now? Only because I went to this place

and they were like... They cooked them with garlic and butter. They cooked them, yeah, with yummy stuff. Well, your mum, like my mum, just boiled the hell out of them. Yeah. And they were like, why won't you love them?

Yeah, they boiled the hell out of everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So there was no nutrients. The 80s were a lot of boiling. I mean, the water that they literally were tipping down the sink, that they'd boiled the hell out of vegetables and generally probably was more full of vitamins and nutrition

than the food you were eating, the grey matter left afterwards. But if you, as a child, 20 or so years ago, didn't like Brussels sprouts, but now as an adult you're like, I actually quite like Brussels sprouts, that might be because Brussels sprouts have changed. In the last 20 years, the taste of Brussels sprouts has drastically changed. To be nicer. Due to selective breeding.

Right. Just like how they make more brands of types of apples sweeter. And a lot of our fruit is engineered sweeter. Significantly sweeter. The same way that carrots used to be purple. And then like just from the selective breeding of them to make them bigger and easier to grow, they went orange and now you can get purple ones again

because we're clever like that. Aren't we, humidity? Because we've got artisan markets. But they've changed them, yeah, due to selective breeding of certain types of Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts actually taste nicer now than they did 20 years ago. Less bitter.

Right. But there's still people out there who have a genetic dislike of Brussels sprouts. Just like coriander. Just like coriander. Okay. You've got a TAS2R taste receptor. Where's that?

In the tongue. Okay, in the tongue. And it's a genetic situation. Some people just have it and that's why they'll eat what you could be considering quite delicious Brussels sprouts, but they'll be getting

a real bitter tang to it and they've got no time for it. So friends with coriander, it tastes like soap to them. Yeah. I'm just like, what's wrong with you? You're having a taco.

I feel sorry for them. I know, same. You're missing out on life. Oh, just coriander on everything. Yeah, yum. Just coriander me. I love it. I don't have it on. Apart from, I wouldn't have it on sweet things.. Yeah, yum. Just coriander me. I love it. I don't have it on.

Okay. Apart from, wait, I wouldn't have it on sweet things. Or dessert, no. No, I probably wouldn't have it on sweet things. I'm open to trying it. Because it's got dessert in the title. I'm always open to trying it. Because your other one about Brussels sprouts was that it's actually Brussels sprouts, eh?

Brussels sprouts. That's right. Yeah. Why didn't you take that on board then? We read out this. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Okay. right. Yeah. Why didn't you take that on board then? Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts. Brussels sprouts.

Okay. Yeah, they're from... You just brought it together. Brussels sprouts. They're from Brussels. Brussels sprouts. They're from Brussels, aren't they? So today's fact of the day is Brussels sprouts actually taste better now than they did 20

years ago. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do you know when you start getting signs from the universe and they generally come in threes? Okay. And I think once you get three, you're somewhat foolish to ignore them at that stage. So I've had three signs. Okay.

And I think it's a definite, we should do this. Megan and I are looking at each other like, what's happening here? Here's what happened. Here's first of all. Go to the, my parents came up and stayed before they went on their big trip. Yeah. It was Sunday and you're kind of like, well, we should do something. So we went to the Kumu markets.

Okay. Went around, we should do something. So we went to the QMU markets. Okay. Went around, ate some delicious foods. I don't think you can say you got a sign at the QMU markets. It was the first sign so I didn't recognise it

until I got the second sign and then I realised that I'd already had a sign. Okay. So I went into this, there's like markets and crafts and stuff and then there was

a bit of a stall out of the way. You know, if this was like a 1980s movie and there was a fortune teller, that'd be of a stall out of the way. You know, if this was like a 1980s movie and there was a fortune teller, that'd be a little bit out of the way. Okay. It's a little bit out of the way. Right. So I'm like,

what's over there? And me and the girls go over. And on show, prized chickens. Prized chickens. Okay. Beautiful. Beautiful chickens. Like alive. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. What, just like walking around?

No, no, they were in a display cage. Oh, yeah. Display cage. Thank you. And they were like gorgeous chickens. Okay, mate. What's a gorgeous chicken? They're just chickens.

Big comb. Yeah. But the comb wasn't floppy. You see a floppy comb. Like, you know, like you see the killer whales in the wild and they've got the erect fin. Yeah. And then you see them in captivity and they've got the floppy fin. That's so sad.

Because there's an erect comb. SeaWorld's been putting them in the pool. Yeah, I know. And they get sad and they flop over and they can't get it up again. So is that what chickens do? This was a very sort of like upwards erect comb. It was a beautiful chicken. Why is this a sign?

And then I was like, look at this beautiful chicken. I didn't even know what's going on here. And it was like the poultry and pigeon club displaying some prize winning chickens. That's the thing. The poultry and pigeon club. I hate pigeons. Even if I see a nice one, I'm just like. What about those pretty little skinny white pigeons?

No, they're doves. Have you been referring to them as skinny little white pigeons? I think they're real beautiful. They're doves. Those are doves. Oh. Have you been referring to them as skinny little white people? I thought they were real beautiful. Yeah, doves. Those are doves. That's a different thing. Doves got a sweet spot in the Bible, didn't they, carrying the olive branch?

Yeah, they're beautiful. They got the good stuff. But anyway, they're- You're not calling those big white sparrows. They're seagulls. No, they're different. Okay, you're right. They are.

So, I mean, pigeons aside, because they've been trekk, because they've been sullied by some real scumbags. Okay. But this is a beautiful chicken. Okay. I was like, look at that thing. Beautiful. And the girls were even like, that's like a good looking chicken. That's picture book level chicken.

Okay. So that was one thing. That was one sign. Chickens. Okay. So then yesterday I'm reading a story about a 125-year-old trophy. You might be thinking, that's an old trophy. It is.

Very old trophy. The Committee Challenge Cup has been won again for the prized chicken. Oh, God. And will return to the Christchurch Chicken Club. You're saying that there's like cat and dog clubs, but for chickens and pigeons. And they are some of the most gorgeous chickens. Look at this. It's not a thing.

This is one of the chickens yesterday on display. Rooster-ized. That's a beautiful bird, isn't it? That's a beautiful bird. It's comb, that's what I'm saying. And look, here's another one. Now I don't know if foghorn is a breed of chicken, because I always think of foghorn leaguer, that big what I'm saying. Yeah, right. And look, here's another one. Now, I don't know if foghorn is a breed of chicken because I always think of foghorn leg

when that big chicken from the cartoons is like, I'll see ya, boy. I'll see ya. I'll bring my chicken. Like, that's my, but maybe he's named after her. Well, see, to me, a beautiful chicken is like at the supermarket. It's in the rotisserie.

Oh. It's dripping. You're just like, yep, I'll have that. It's hot to the touch. You pick it out, it gets a little bit. Well, that's where my third sign came from. Okay. I picked up a hot chicken and I just like, yep, I'll have that. It's hot to the touch. You pick it out and it gets a little... Well, that's where my third sign came from. I picked up a hot chicken and I was like, but those beautiful chickens.

I refused meat. Oh. Did you? I got a steak instead. I hadn't just been looking at good looking cows. Short lived. Short lived. So I propose that we as a, purchase a prized chicken.

I say we buy, even if we have to foster it out, because none of us are really set up. I've got an apartment. I've got two cats and a dog. Hey. You've got an apartment. I've got a lawn. I know, but then would your dog be a bit freaked out?

No, he goes out the back. The chicken can have the front. Hot plate. You can't just put a chicken in freaked out. No, he goes out the back. The chicken can have the front. Hot plate. You can't just put a chicken in the city. You're allowed. Like bylaws. Yeah, once you get out into the suburbs, you're allowed chickens. I'm a bit of a Westie now, Fletch.

You know that. Mm-hmm. So you're not spending money on a chicken. Show money. So not real money. Right. Somebody else's money. Ross Boss's money.

Somebody else's money. Right. So I'm... How much is a chicken? Do you have to buy a prized chicken at a special place or can you just like get a normal chicken? I don't think you just want to chance it by just finding an egg and keeping it warm.

I think you need to know. It's like, because that's the other thing. I've got a little bit of a background in this because my granddad was a bit of a horse breeder. Right, okay. I've told you the story how I had to touch the horse penis. Yep.

I know. Because they're useless. You look at a stallion and you're like, you know, they're held up as the Italian stallion, the lovemaking,

they can't even get it in half the time. You can't just hustle in on these people's competition and expect to win. Or do you just want to buy a chicken? Just go buy a hot chicken.

I want to buy a prized chicken and I want to enter it in competitions. I'm kind of down on this. What's the prize money like? It's a 125-year-old trophy. The prestige of a trophy that old. It's got to be like a cash prize. That's older than most towns in New Zealand.

You know, you see a school with a 125- year jubilee And you're like wow I've just got these flash forwards I've got these flash forwards To you sitting down on the couch Like combing a chicken With a brush But then they look at I don't know what you need to do

In the way of keeping a chicken In good nick Because they preen themselves Don't they Like birds So you like oil their feathers Or maybe you put coconut oil on them. Yeah.

You're thinking of cooking a chicken again, aren't you? Yes. I am. If we get a show chicken, you're not allowed to cook it. You're not allowed to eat it. Ever. The ugly ones. You can continue to eat ugly chickens.

Okay. Knock yourself out. Right. As long as they've had a good time in a free range. This is a pipe dream. I don't agree with this. This is why we discuss things before we get on here. Someone put the cogs in motion. It's going to be free range.

It's not going to be caged in the studio. And we've only got one chicken to look after, so we can afford to get a good chicken food. And live on my semi-rural farm. Suburbian farm. Free range. Priced chicken. Okay, last call.

I'm going to look into it. Surely Trade Me will have priced chickens. Yeah, okay. All right, last calls are coming up. Oh, we're going to do last calls. It's the return of last calls, a $150 GrabOne voucher to give away for the story that we vote best this morning. We're going to start with you, Brittany.

What happened? Hi. So, my flight mate, we all moved out together, morning we're gonna start with you Brittany what happened hi he took a bike with no brakes and a steep hill I thought the best way to run not hit the road basically was the jumper okay he broke. Oh, did he think that he would stop going the speed of the bike when he wasn't on it? Yeah. That's how P-Hizzix works. P-Hizzix.

Anyway, so he's had this car stolen for a few weeks and he got drunk one night and he got like really claustrophobic and it does ring out. So he went into the kitchen, got out the bread knife, and he cut off the front, like, square of his car. Okay. Like, on his shin, and then cut, like, a line across the top of his foot, and then he passed out on the top of the kitchen bench, and then woke up with, like, half a car full in the morning. Is he, um, like, what's he sort of, what, is he studying or?

No, he's actually a police officer. Oh, my God. That worries me. That worries me greatly. Brilliant. All right, wait, then we're going to vote in a sec. Brittany, let's go to Bridget. What's your story for last calls, Bridget?

Hi. When I was about 15 in my real rebellious stage, my mum went away for the weekend. And I had like this massive party with apparently 200 people, but I don't think it was. My dad was over-exaggerating. He lived around the corner and he said he could hear all the music. So he came round and he like called the cops to shut it down.

Yeah. And long story short, I... Did the cop arrive and he came hooning down the hill on a bike? He's like, no no brakes, yee-haw! Nah, not quite. He was in a car and they made me wait in the car while everyone left. Yeah. And I started to feel sick all of a sudden.

I was like, oh, could you open the door? Like, I feel sick. sick all of a sudden. I was like, oh, could you open the door? Like, I feel sick. But it was too late. The pity lock was on and I did a big vomit in the cop car. Oh. Yeah, not a proud moment of mine. Oh, no. Oh, no.

God, you'd be hoping you were off work with a broken foot, eh? Because you crashed off your bike. You didn't have to clean that up. Yeah. Because do they have to clean that up? I don't know. Sorry, carry on. And

one of my teachers, her husband is a cop and she heard all about the party and gave me shit for it that whole week. She's like, oh, I heard a little string about you and you had a little chunder in the car and I'm like, oh. No, it wasn't me.

I haven't heard it called a chunder before. I love a little chunder. All right, wait there, Bridget. We'll find you a sec. Jen, what's your story for last calls? Hi, morning. So we live out on a farm and we had an open home. So quite a few people came out to look at the open home.

And as we got back home, a couple of people were still walking out. And my partner was busting really, really badly to want to go toilet. But obviously, because we have an open home, you know, you don't want to just walk in there and use your own toilet. Yeah. So as a man do, you know, he goes and pees outside. But the whole week, him and my son have been pulling pranks on each other. So my son snuck up behind him and pushed him off the steps

while he was like midstream peeing. Which then in return caused him to kind of pee on himself and it was pouring down right so he got wet as well. And then because we were laughing so hard at what happened as people were still walking out the door,

my son was laughing so loud that he ended up wetting himself as well. Right. Which just made all of us crack up laughing and the lady running the open home was just in spits of laughter. Meanwhile, people looking at their hearts walk out and see that scene.

I'd be like, 50k off for the lawn because it's covered in weeds. It's covered in weeds. Everybody and everything. So it kind of washed away. It's fertiliser, isn't it? It's great, actually. It's good fertiliser, yeah. All right, Arjen, wait there.

It's time for the Tribal Council to vote now for our favourite story for last calls. Brittany the broken leg the policeman on the bicycle the cast the cast the cast the cast

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