ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - June 26th 2018

Episode Date: June 25, 2018

Vaughan has a birthday present for Fletch, Megan has been asked to be on neighborhood watch and when did you become a detective on your partner?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. Tap into free Wi-Fi 24-7 when you join Spark prepaid on a selected pack. Now, on with the podcast. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Arnie. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Morning. A little bit, I'm a little bit snuffy. Did you catch that on the plane?

I think so, plane air. Oh, yeah. So, Megan, I've got my lemon honey ready to go here. Is that ginger that you've got in a wee tube? Yeah, I've got ginger in a tube. What fresh ginger in it? No, it's annoying. No, you've got to slice it up.

You've got to grate it. You've got to grate it. No, you can just slice it. You get the little, have you got a little ginger grater? They're like a big grater except they're just tiny. It's pretty cute. Well, I've got one of those four-sided graters and it's got heaps of different holes on it.

And I think I've got the little holes. The little holes on one of the sides. Which I'd use for ginger if I was that way inclined. They've not really evolved, have they? Graters? Oh, no, they have. Have they? I've seen some in stores.

Are they top end? Yeah, there's some ooh-la-la ones. But they're real expensive. Because the graters have been the same since I was a kid, I'm pretty sure. in stores. Are they top end? Yeah, there's some ooh-la-la ones but they're real expensive. Because as I say, the graders have been the same since I was a kid I'm pretty sure. You should just have

a mechanical one where you put it on the side and go brrrr and it's done. And it does it. Should I invent that? Then they've been done. There was,

and now that I'm thinking about it there was infomercials for them, eh? Yeah. But they like sliced and everything you could change the little attachments.

Yeah, and they're massive. You're never going to get that out of the cupboard. Yeah, and they're a real a-hole to clean too. Yeah. And then, like, sliced and everything. You could change the little attachments. Yeah, and they're massive. You're never going to get that out of the cupboard. Yeah, and they're a real a-hole to clean, too. Yeah. And then I just squeeze it out of this tube. And so that's your day. That's what's done for you. Same with garlic.

Although you've got to be careful when you're buying your minced garlic because lots of it's from poo farms in China. Chinese poo farms. They grow it in sewage. Human feces. And then they bleach it to get the poos out. That's why it's so white. Google it.

Is it fake news? No, we've been here before. Buy New Zealand garlic. Yeah. It's a little bit more expensive. But you don't need to use as much because it's strong. Yeah. It's not from poo farms.

Yeah, and a vampire would not be able to tell the difference. If you're just trying to ward off vampires, buy the Chinese poo garlic. Okay. But if you're cooking with it, don't go for the Chinese poo garlic. Okay, yeah. But if you're like cooking with it, don't go for the Chinese poo garlic. Okay, right. Growing in poo is much like potatoes on Mars for Matt Damon. Yeah. But he wasn't in a place to complain.

No. He wasn't like, I wish I was eating potatoes, not growing in human feces. Was he? No. He was just happy to have some potatoes. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, story time.

Born a Megan pick from three news headlines. One headline only. Headline one, English bulldog takes home crown. Headline two, woman stops for gas. And headline three, man cuts commute time in half. Ooh. English bulldog. Did he buy a hovercraft?

No. There's been big talk about that at my RSA gatherings. Right. The niche, because most of us work in the city. Right, you want a hovercraft. We could carpool hovercraft to work, because it's like mudflats. Yeah, right. A lot of the way.

The English Bulldog is the ugliest dog, right? Oh, I saw that yesterday. That was actually really sad. I know. The last one that won because it was ugly was one of those. Chinese Crested. Yes, Chinese Crested. And they're just an unusual looking breed of dog.

But this was just like, it really made, you know, humanity should hold a mirror up to itself. Well, we're the ugly ones because we made that dog like that. It's tongue. It also looks old. Like it just. It's blind. I saw it.

It was blind. It had a super long tongue. It had like everything that's wrong with bulldogs now because we've inbred them so much. Yeah. It's pretty sad. Yeah. We're horrible, aren't we? The bloody worst.

Yeah. No, I mean, not us. I haven't bred dogs to that sort of condition. We haven't done anything wrong ever. You haven't purchased one, have you? To encourage it? Not one of those ones. No.

No. No. I mean, accidentally, we bought our dog off a puppy factory thing, didn't we? It was before it was like... That was before we were woke. I was not woke at the time, Megan. I hit the snooze button. I was snoozing.

Yeah, I think commute kind of... You want that one? Yeah. Well, it's not a hovercraft. Damn it. It's in turn, Arnie, out there. She's gone out to make a coffee, hasn't she? Is it?

She'd quite like this story. Is it a sup board? It's sup board related. Yeah. Well, it's amphibious. Oh, no, because Arnie can't go on the road. Well, a New Jersey man was looking for a new way To commute, save time and save money

And he was running late For a meeting One day last week So he's like well today Now more than ever I should try my new way to commute And so he grabbed his stand up paddle board And dressed in his suit Ready for his business meeting.

Looking like a real cool dude. He grabbed his board and he paddled to Manhattan. From where? New Jersey. Holy shit. That's a long distance. That's considerable. Hudson River.

Yeah. The one that Tom Cruise, Tom Hanks crashed into. He landed the plane there, didn't he? He got shipwrecked with volleyball. Different movie. But he's flown a couple of planes. And then he ran all the way home for a long way, didn't he? He's crashed both of them.

Yeah, he's been on a lot of crash planes. And then at that time he was an astronaut. That crashed too, didn't it? Yeah, well, the 32-year-old man was actually caught up with by police and the harbour master because you're not allowed. You're not allowed to. They said they actually could have arrested him. And he didn't think at the time about ferry propellers

chopping him into little bits. Police spoke to the man. His feet relatively dry and his suit relatively dry. So he made it over. And I don't know where he put his stand-up pad award, whether or not he took it to the interview or he left it. You could just leave that anywhere. No one's going to steal that

because they're horrible and no one wants them. Yeah. Huh. Awful. Could you do that in Auckland Harbour from Devonport? Or like Wellington, could you east-born it to the city? I mean, that's a long way. That's a long way.

You might go east-born Miramar on the outgoing tide. That's still a couple of... And if you miss it, you end up in Nelson. Even Devonport to the... It's a long way. And you'd have to cross the shipping... Yeah. No, I don't think you'd be allowed.

Can you strap a little propeller underneath to give you a helping hand? Well, that's just a boat, isn't it? Yeah, there were those ones with battery packs on them, though, weren't there? Like a little submarine pack? Yeah, like a little booster. Don't know if you'd be allowed. And then you get to work, you'd be wet. Because every now and then, there's one of those stories about some local loony tune

who's bought some amphibious car. Yeah. And imported it and he's driven it. I mean, this was coming from the guy who moments ago wanted to buy a hovercraft with his buddies. You just said that. You are the local looney tune. But hovercrafts are cooler than amphibious cars.

Yeah, that's true. They float on top. Where would you park your hovercraft? Just at the end of the road by the boat ramp. There's no room for it at home. I'd lock it up, though. I'd get one of those steering wheel locks. Good luck stealing my hovercraft.

You can't turn. We've just been reading a story about Marlborough girls. Megan, this is over the hill from your home area. Did you have a rivalry? Was there any rivalry with Marlborough schools? We did like sports. Yeah, I guess so. We played them a lot on volleyball and stuff.

Right. So there's a bit of a rivalry there. Yeah, sports rivalry. Nah. Oh, rubbish. Just a bit shy because they're smaller than us. They're smaller than you. And they don't have traffic lights, do they? No.

But then they've got all the wine money. Oh, yeah, true. It's not about the size. It's how much money. Yeah, it's all about the moolahs. Probably rich wine parents buying Irene Van Dyke to coach the kids. Yeah. That kind of thing.

Well, they just pay Irene Van Dyke and some cask wine. Some shardies. You want to get your, well, not Irene, but you want to get your fallen sports stars. Okay, yeah, right. Liked a little tipple. Maybe that's the reason they're the fallen sports star. Right. Get them in for a coaching seminar.

Yeah. Because I still, you know, I've still got the goods. You're never on the board of trustees. He is totally going to be. You know it. My daughter's teacher said I should get on the board of trustees. I was like, no, I'm not a committee parent. No, I'm not.

I'm not. It sounds extra work. Aren't you like liable of some shit he burns the school down or something? Yeah, I don't know. There's something. There's more to it than just like a Thursday night wine and cheese. For a little light discussion about what you want to do with the funding. You don't want to be sued or anything.

No, I just can't imagine anything worse than being on the board of trustees. Awful. Ugh, extra work. And plus it's going to school. Yeah, yuck. Oh yeah. Go to school. Anyway, at Marlborough Girls there was a careers day. Do you remember what careers days were like?

They were always a bit shit-ass. We had a computer program and I think it was made by the Navy or the Army and everything you put in it was like, you would be great in the Army. I was like, no, I wouldn't be. It's like, do you like electronics? Do you like video games?

You're like, oh, I do like video games. Clicker's like, you'd be great in the Army. It's like, how? Well, we've got a big room full of computers, and you just mentioned that you were into computers. So anyway, we've got all your details and you're in the It's like, God damn it, there's no avoiding the armed services. I'm a Poussey. I don't want to go anywhere. I want to... Mum, Mum, the Tromey joined the armed forces. Help!

But they went to a careers day, and apparently this careers day, the brochure promoted heavily some areas, but not others. Child care as an option for a career was quite prominently... What's wrong with that? Or nothing. And hospitality, catering, baking, that sort of thing. Not baking as in just like put some scones on, like actually working in a commercial kitchen.

What's wrong with that? Well, one of the students who wished to remain a noon mass said that the problem was it lacked anything. It felt very 1950s with the options, and they felt that this wouldn't have happened at the local boys' school. They wouldn't have pushed baking and childcare and stuff. What I was going to say is that purely coincidence, it is just a girls' school.

Like, it's not as if it's co-ed. So if they put anything on there, people are going to take offence because it's marketing to girls. But those are legit careers. You can do early childhood education, but so can the guys. But it's not. I wouldn't find that offensive. The early childhood sector would love more male teachers.

Yeah. They would love more men involved in that industry. But I don't think they would take offence. But then from the other side of it, having seen careers they've put together, sometimes it's associated with a specific place. Like it's associated with a specific polytech

and they might not offer those other things. They're not called polytechs anymore, Vaughan. They're called institutes. Institutes? That makes it sound like you've gone loony tunes. You're like, one minute you're studying how to make a cream brulee but you bugger it up so they strap you to a bed and give you electroshock therapy.

I don't think institutes is a good word for it. There's still a lot attached to that word. I'm going to the institute. But the synonymous students said that they didn't feel there was any engineering or computer-based options. Right, so it wasn't balanced enough. But then I feel that, yeah, behind the scenes, maybe it was attached to a specific polytechnic or an institution

where they're going to have therapy. And they don't have those options. And the kids that are going to do engineering and computers are all right anyway. They don't need careers day. Like I was always, careers day, we're always aimed at people like me who just were constantly like, I don't know what I'm going to do when I leave school. Have you thought about the army? Well, subconsciously there's this thing in the back of my brain

always telling me I should join the armed services because I like computers. The top six with Vaughan Smith. That's the one. A Christchurch company breathe easy, easy, like video easy. Now that video easy is more or less RIP'd, so I've swooped in with the easy. Why?

Is clients releasing canned air infused with calming herbs, such as lavender, to help people relax? This is a New Zealand, and it's been marketed as like New Zealand air. The tourists will lap this up. They will. They will love it. So it's being targeted at the middle class in places like China and India with heavily polluted cities.

I was talking to the accountant last week, doing me a tax. You can't talk all tax. You've got to have a bit of a chat about how personal life's going. No, but she's charging you for that. I'll pay. It's like talking to Mrs. Doubtfire. Is it? Oh, yeah, it is.

You're right. Does she charge you when you talk to her? Hello, dear. You're like, charge me the earth. talking to Mrs Doubtfire is he with this lovely Scottish accent she's like hello dear you're like charge me the earth her son lives in China they've got a two year old yeah

you can only take the kid outside after a windy day has blown all the pollution away any day where there's no wind the city is too polluted they say it's best you just keep

your children inside where the filtrated air systems will keep the baddies out. That's bad air. Imagine being stuck inside with kids the whole time. Terrible. In a Chinese apartment. It'd be crazy.

So they'll probably be buying a bit of this, strapping it to a face mask and going for a walk. These cans have 130 deep breaths, 7.2 litres of compressed air in them. Would this be good after a hangover? Like for a hangover? I don't know. You probably just need a water. It was that time in Vegas when we were hungover and we went to that oxygen

bar. It made me feel a bit better. But still, it didn't get rid of the hangover, did it? No. No. And I think it was a little bit in the head. But the top six scents of New Zealand air that should be for sale to make it more realistic. Okay.

Number six. Driving past the meatworks smell. Yes. You know when you're in a drive and someone's like, who farted? Yeah. Who farted? Oh, Christ. Dad.

Jeez. Dad. Oh, my God. And then you drive past and you see that big, like, meat sign. Yeah. Athco. And you're like, ah, that'll be it. Yeah.

Sorry, Dad. You know, given your past records, it was a fair accusation. It's a great time if you're holding one in. I know. I always do it. But then they've bypassed. So we always used to go, if you go from Auckland to Hamilton to see family. Yeah.

There's one between Ngaruahia and Hamilton. I think it was Horror 2. I used to hold a fart in and then drop it at Horror 2. Blame the meatworks. But now it's bypassed. So still do it. Just say it's an Easterly or a Westerly. Yeah, it's a Westerly.

It's a Westerly. There's one on the main road from Stoke to Nelson. I mean, Stoke to Richmond and Nelson. It's like right by our house. Great time. Fart time. Great reference for our four Nelson listeners. Yesoke to Richmond and Nelson. It's like right by our house. Great time. Fun time. Great reference for our four Nelson listeners.

Yes. They've loved that. It's my family. They're like, so Megan lives in the stinky part of town. Filth. Change the station.

With old people and stinky meat. They lose their sense of smell. It doesn't worry them. Number five on the list of the top six aromas for New Zealand air that should be available. Rain on hot tar seal. Oh, that's so Kiwi.

I love that smell. Like it's a hot summer's day, but then some unpredictable shower comes in. Yep. And it just hits and there's that... Yeah. Quick kids, run to the road. Sniff that. Oh, that's a good stuff.

What is it, Dad? Can't explain it. Magic. Is it killing us? Probably, but everything is. Number four on the list of the top six scents of New Zealand air that should be available overseas, silage being fed out on a farm. Oh, no, that's yuck.

I love it. It's that rich scent of fermenting grass. People either love it or hate it. So that's why. But it's very, very Kiwi to smell that. Number three on the list of the top six scents of New Zealand air that should be available. The suburban, someone's just lit their coal fire smell. You'll still get one of those.

If you live near an old person anyway, they still love lighting the coal range. A coal fire? Yeah. You can smell it. It always reminds me of Nana. Because Nana had a coal range. Not my Nana didn't just think of coal. She didn't work at the coal mines.

She comes in, she's like, the coal range. I'm like, Nana, you're 80. You should retire. Number two on the list of the top six scents available, that should be available in New Zealand air, are Rotorua farts. Oh, yeah. Again, they're much like the meat work.

That's a classic when you pull into Rotorua to blame someone for a fart and then realise that it's not. And the number one scent that is undeniably Kiwi that should be available in the New Zealand air range, are when you're at fish markets. You know, when you're at a beach town and you're walking past a wharf and there's like a shipment

of sloppy gurnard coming over. Good God. That's put me off my fish and chips. Not really. Should we get fish and chips? Sounds good. That is today's top six. Massey University has done a study. Two thirds of New Zealand drivers Really? Should we get fish and chips? Sounds good. That is today's top six. FEM. ZM. Massey University has done a study.

Two thirds of New Zealand drivers feel anywhere between mild and quite severe anxiety when driving on the roads. Is that crazy? Well, they should try driving in paddocks. That would be far more. Or like on the side of the road or their anxiety would be far higher. Did you say two thirds? Yeah. Huh.

Because I'm quite relaxed when I'm driving. I'm relaxed. No, my wife gets quite anxious when I'm driving. In fact, we all get quite anxious when you're driving. Because you're following distances is like, it's a lot shorter than everybody else's. Yeah. It's pretty easy way of putting it. Well, that's my reaction.

It's because Peter Brock, one of her kids, was always just like the two-second reel. Oh, and he died in a car. I know. He was driving in a fast one, wasn't he? He's like, count to two. And I'm just like, one, two. And then that's how.

No, it's 1,001. Like two actual seconds. 1,002. 1,001 with his attitude. Okay. So the study has shown that 52% of drivers reported mild anxiety, 16% moderate to severe, and 31% reported no such anxiety when driving.

Well, I never thought about it, but now I'm probably going to get anxious while driving because I know other people are anxious while driving and that makes them a little sketchy and then that makes me anxious. I think when I was learning to drive, I was always, because I had other people are anxious while driving and that makes them a little sketchy and then that makes me anxious. I think when I was learning to drive, I was always, because I had a manual, learned to drive in a manual,

always a little bit anxious with the hill starts. And so you might take a different way, like without hills in case you got stuck. Oh yeah, you avoid. And I know people that don't like parallel parking. So they'll only do it in any Audi park. Otherwise they just won't try. They won't even attempt it.

Does it say what specific parts of driving? Because my mum, I actually know a few people that don't like driving at night. I think the greatest fears were having a car crash and dying. Okay. I think we all share that fear. You know, death. Just always hanging over there.

Always there. I mean, that's part of being alive is that you will die one day and it's just always just around the corner. But a lot of people worry about the other drivers on the road and I guess that would be the only worry I have driving because I have seen the most insane overtaking on blind corners. Oh, that drives me nuts.

So many near misses. Like, people are crazy on the road. Yeah. Like, you can be as safe as you want, but, you know, it's not going to stop some idiot driving around the corner on the wrong side, is it? No. So those are, yeah, we're an anxious bunch.

Right. What were you going to say makes your mum anxious? Driving at night. Oh, my mum's, no, she doesn't, my, Christine doesn't drive at night anymore. At night? No. I guess because it's dark, you can't see what's around you. Really? But then there's lights. Yeah, I don't see what's around you. Really?

But then there's lights. Yeah, I don't understand it. But yeah, I know a few people don't like driving at night. What if you need something from the supermarket? No. Don't go. It's dark now. It's weird.

I used to drive at night all the time. We'll drive to work in the dark, but the whole way is lit on a motorway. It is weird driving at night now. It's on like country roads at night. It's not spooky, but it's different. It's weird because you really have to be like concentrated. But you'd still do it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, I'm not. Yeah, my mum's like, you're my Megan. She's like, nah. And when it rains, my mum just pulls over and waits for it to stop raining now. Does she? Yeah, she's coming up to see us and she's driving. She'll just pull over. She's like, oh, I've just checked the weather forecast.

It's most likely to rain in the morning, so I'll leave home at lunchtime. Do you see people on the motorway? Like, I know when it's wet, you're supposed to be a bit conscious and stuff. But on the motorway, when it rains, some people go like 50. And they freak out. And the windscreen wipers, like, it's a light drizzle and they go. And they have both hands on the wheel just like. And like they're an owl learning to drive.

Eyes wide open. Fair enough though. I know some people that won't take the motorways if it's really busy just because they freak out because it's too many cars. Right. And so many lanes. So they're like. So they weave through suburbs.

Yeah, so they'll just get off early and take like the main roads. I know. I'd like to know anybody listening what makes you anxious while you're driving. Yeah. What do you avoid? What do driving Like what do you avoid What do you not You know What do you not do Like what are you too scared to do Yeah right

And maybe you do Have a little Like you can't drive at night Or some people Don't even like overtaking trucks They just won't They'd rather just get stuck Behind a truck

Oh it is freaky Overtaking trucks I know Because I think every truck Should tell you how long it is Yeah But not like 17 metres Because who knows How long that is.

Oh, like how many foot long subways. No, because when you get into 17 metres, there's three and a bit foot long subways for every metre. That's like three times 17. That's a lot, isn't it? So on the back it just needs to say like, I'm two long trailers and I'm a truck with a big long nose. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a long nose truck. Okay. And I've got two trailers on. If you can see the sign, it's the second trailer. That's a good one. You're about to pass your school swimming pool length truck.

That's a long truck. And I'm like, phew, that was a struggle to swim. I don't think I can pass that here. Yeah. Okay. Let's take some calls. 0800 dials at M9696. What are you too scared to do while driving? What are you too anxious to do?

FVM, the podcast. We've just found out 60%, according to this, is Massey University. Yep. Not located in the Auckland suburb of Massey. Caitlin learned yesterday, which was a real eye-opener. We went to Massey in Palmerston North. No, but it's got an all-time campus.

It's got campuses in Wellington, but she thought it was named after the suburb. I got confused. So she's house-sitting in Massey this weekend. She's like, it's by the university. I was like, good luck finding that house. I never thought about that. That seems fair enough though. You'd expect that. Right? Yeah, right. No, it's just like a popular

name for like an old Scottish family or something. It's so popular. You'd expect that. Right? Yeah. Right? No, it's just like a popular name for, like, an old Scottish family or something. Anyone named Massey? The regions, like, library, like, this is the library region. Oh, there's libraries all over. Library Street. Okay, we'll deal with this later. Yeah, okay. We've learned through Massey University

and wherever that's located, that people in New Zealand is a horrendously anxious while driving. Would you say 70%? Yeah, two-thirds. Well, 66%. 66.6, very accurate. Suffer some form of anxiety while driving. So we want to know

what's causing the anxiety while driving. Some text messages in. Somebody says, if I see a camper van, that's it. I just begin to panic. Very unpredictable. And somebody somebody says, if I see a camper van, that's it. I just begin to panic. Very unpredictable. And somebody else says, it's the unpredictability of humans that makes me a scared driver.

Yeah, that's the only thing that makes me anxious, especially if you're driving around Queensland, because I've seen a camper came around a blind corner. It was doing a three-point turn on a blind corner. I was like, slam the brakes on. I was like, not the place on. I was like, not the place to do a three point turn. There's the same reason people are scared of mice. I'm not scared of the mouse

itself. I'm scared of the unpredictability of the mouse. Where are you going? Dan, this is your auntie. What's she too scared to do behind the wheel? She doesn't like driving down main roads. She doesn't do motorways.

And to top off the cake, she doesn't like to do right hand turns. So she has to go left, left, left, left, left to get to the one right. She wants to go to Dunedin. She's got to go up around the top of the South Island right away. You're kidding.

Because that would be a right turn. Yeah, she lives in Christchurch. And you quite often have a lot of main roads and right-hand turns. So she plans out her trips very carefully. I was going to say, Christchurch, since the earthquake, the roads change every day. It's like that staircase in Harry Potter. You think that's the way to the Gryffindor house,

but it's not today. But she had just a nightmare to go anywhere. Yes. But why does she not like turning right? Crossing traffic is the main problem. Oh, so she doesn't like to pull out and ride, okay. Could you drive her and she'd be fine with you driving, going right, or not even? Yes, definitely. Oh, so she doesn't like to pull out and ride, okay. Could you drive her and she'd be fine with you driving going right or not even? Yes, definitely.

Oh, okay. But what if she gets a green right arrow? Is that okay? Um, that's preferable, but yeah, still a little bit nervous about that. Because you don't know if the other people are actually going to stop. Wow. Brilliant. Alright, thanks

Dan. Sarah, what are you too scared to do behind the wheel? I hate racing out of a long driveway. Once I hit my friend's car and the gate of the driveway, so I just don't do it anymore. So what do you like, park on the street and just walk up the driveway? Yeah. What if you didn't drive there, but then you had to drive home and you were up the driveway?

Would you do like a million-point turn so you could go down that straight? Yeah, usually. Or get my boyfriend to reverse. Okay. It is a pretty great feeling to reverse a long driveway in one go. Well, I grew up in a long driveway, so I'm a pro at reversing. You put the arm behind the passenger seat. Yep, yep.

Man. And straight back. Don't use your mirrors. Just use your neck. That's the way to go. Chloe, what are you two scared to do while driving? Driving behind a logging truck. Oh.

A little bit of movie Final Destination. Yeah. Those Final Destination movies have a lot to do because, you know, we all grew up with those movies. Yeah. It's the reason I can't put my hand down the insinkerator. I think about it every time I go over the Harbour Bridge that it's going to crack underneath me.

Yeah, or taking over a truck on a two-way lane, like a little short bridge. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's not good. Every time I see a glazier's van, I'm looking for where that giant pane of glass is going to fall on me. Hey, Chloe, thanks for your call. No worries.

Some text messages in. Somebody said, I'm 31 and everything about driving makes me crap myself. But as you said before, particularly the unpredictable nature of human beings. Yeah. I don't start work till 8am, but I'm here at 6.30. Everyone thinks I'm a diligent worker. I'm not. I'm just terrified of traffic.

Wow. Okay. But then wouldn't it just be crawling if you left a bit later? Yeah. But they're still not happy about that. No, but that's what they're saying is that they would rather get out of it before it starts crawling. I'm too scared to drive in any major city CBD, Auckland particularly. Too complex.

Too many one-way streets. Too many times it's been, oops, now I'm on a highway going the wrong way. No, it's a no from me. It's a no from me. Okay, fair enough. So somebody else said hills. If I'm ever in a manual car, which I avoid as much as I can, but sometimes if we're away with work, it's a manual. One time I mounted the curb and drove up the footpath just because I didn't want to stop at the top of a hill and the

light had gone red. Can't stop. Can't stop. I've been through. Can't stop. I'm stop. Can't stop. I'm going to put it into the lowest gear and I'm just going to go, I'm onto this curve. Yep, we're all good. Please sit behind us. Well, I can't stop because we're still on the hill.

Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast. The New Zealand government might be following suit by the Australians in the UK, putting calorie counts on restaurants' menus. Say to a restaurant, if you want to be here,

you've got to let people know how many calories are in certain items on your menu. Do they do this in the States in some places, I feel? Because when I've been travelling, I've seen this. In the States, I think they only do it in healthy places. Oh, right. No, they do it on fast food boards. Do they? Yeah, so you're standing there looking at the board

and you're like, oh, no, actually I don't need... It feels like a real California thing to do. Was it in California you saw it? Maybe, boards. Do they? Yeah. So you're standing there looking at the board and you're like oh no, actually I don't need it. It feels like a real California thing to do. Was it in California you saw it? Maybe, yeah. Right. Well, I remember seeing this in Sydney at the start of the year and I was like, oh, I feel like a burger. Because you know when you're just away for the weekend and you just eat what you want. Yeah. And I was like standing

outside this burger place and I looked at the menu and then, yeah, big letters under everything under every burger. And it was like 2,000 calories or something. What kind of burger was it? It was like a big, big, huge burger meal. Must have been.

And I was like... Oh, the whole meal. Yeah, the whole meal. So fries and... That includes standard soft drink? Dunno, but it put me off. I was like, okay, not eating here.

But it's good to know because that's more than, you know, what a female's supposed to eat. That's your whole count for the day. Yeah, like two and a half thousand calories would be mine. And you're eating it in one meal. So it's good to kind of be aware.

Yeah, but then sometimes you just want to live in ignorant bliss. But then that's why we've got into the situation. We're the fourth third fattest. Behind Mexico and the US. We were third last time. Mexico and the US. Yeah. We were third last time. We could be second. Yeah.

What if we can try our hardest? Not if we adopt this policy. But then we're never going to get donuts or anything because every time you go there, you're going to be like, oh. No, no, you save up, you treat yourself. So you have a donut for your whole lunch. Yeah. It's kind of, it's the same sort of way that you deal with financial stuff.

If you know about it, you're just a little bit more switched on to it. But like if you're just eating donuts all the time, it's like not knowing what your credit card interest is. And then you're like, whoopsie. I don't know what mine is. Okay, so you just helped yourself to a donut, a financial donut 12 pack. Yeah. Of not knowing what it is.

I'd probably be all for it. Because it's like when you do something like MyFitnessPal. That's the one with the thing and you search foods, right? And then it tells you how much. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's the one I use. Yeah, Shooketh. I know because if you start using it, you put in all these foods you ate and you're like, oh, my God.

You're like, bread, you son of a bitch. You're like, oh, okay, what's this one? You scan the barcode. You're like, yeah, that's the brand. You're like, how many slices am I going to have? Two. And you're like, bread! How could you do this to me? Olive oil was the worst because you just need that to cook. That's not a proper food.

I know, but then it's like a tablespoon of olive oil. You're like, you're as bad as bread. Bread, get over here. See what olive oil's doing? And then before you know it, you're as bad as bread. Bread, get over here. See what olive oil's doing? And then before you know it, you're just eating carrot sticks. Yeah, and then you're like, banana? Like, you're yum, and I understand you're better for me than bread, but you're banana.

Unbelievable. Carrot. Even you, carrot, that's a little high for you, coming in here and being all, like, full of vitamin D and carotene, but you're rocking a good 80 calories. You just watch yourself, girlfriend. Carrot's not 80 calories. A big carrot.

I did a big carrot the other day. I was like, oh, I'm going to try to be good. Oh, you never put big. Have a carrot. You say that's medium at best. Yeah. That's what I want to know. How, because it's like one medium carrot, but I did it by grams, like a fool.

And it was like, I was like, carrot. Might as well eat this wafer thing over here. Tastes like nothing and I'll be hungry two seconds after I eat it. Do you think it's going to put people off if they go to their fast food and look at the board and they see the calories? But isn't that sweet? Because then you get put off and then you're not eating it. No, because then you just go there and you see like a burger,

one of those $2 burgers. Yeah. And it's got a few hundred calories. That's actually pretty good value for money. And just get eight. Eight of those.2 burgers and it's got a few hundred calories, that's actually pretty good value for money. And just get eight. Eight of those. Make a big stack. Because they don't give you

the calculated calories. They just give you the calories per burger. Yeah. So that's good. What about if things started working out at dollars per calorie?

Because then things like carrot and banana are just going to get blown out of the water because they're more expensive than the cheap rubbish stuff. Yeah, but they're better for you than burgers. I know they are. Yeah, and lollies. I know they are. I'm just bringing it of the water because they're more expensive than like the cheap rubbish stuff. Yeah, but they're better for you than burgers.

I know they are. Yeah, and lollies. I know they are. I'm just bringing it into the foray. Well, either way, it looks like it's coming. Yeah.

Okay. It'll just be interesting because you'll be drunk and you'll be like, oh my God, can I blow that burger's glass out of calories?

It's like, Karen, you just drank like 18 Mai Tais full of sugar and fruit juice. I don't know, bitch. I don't know. If you follow Middle Eastern politics like I do, you're going to love this.

I can't say I do, Lord. I don't follow it that much, but... I saw the police yesterday in Saudi Arabia handing out flowers to the female drivers. Found that a bit condescending. Yeah, a little bit. But being like, hey, love, just be careful, all right? Here's some flowers. You like flowers, don't you?

On that gear stick there, R means reverse. This will make your car go backwards. Not today, all right? It's your first day out there. Just stick it in D and just go this way. If you didn't know, Saudi Arabia gave women the right to drive. Right to legally drive yesterday. I read this thing and these women are like,

don't tell anybody because they'll cut my head off, but I've been driving for years. One woman was like, I put on a wig and a fake moustache. I've been driving for years They do that so often Rebels They weren't allowed in that soccer stadium So the woman just costumed up

I love that little rebel insurgency It's a bizarre place Well just down the coast They share a border with Qatar One of the United Arab Emirates But also like a little bit of a... They've got some issues. They're neighbours,

but they're like neighbours at war. They get that funny guy that narrated Neighbours at War. Bill Curtin, was that his name, to narrate that little conflict. Except it wouldn't be so hilarious because it's a political hotbed. But they share a border that's about a 100 kilometres. Qatar's like a peninsula.

Well, Megan and I had to fly, we flew on Qatar Airlines, that world's longest flight. When you did that massive long flight. And they changed it so that you have to fly over Iran and down because the other countries

don't want you flying over it because they hate each other. Yeah. So it makes the world's longest flight like another 20 minutes longer. Because you have to go around the United Arab Emirates. Saudi Arabia and all the others are like, don't fly over us.

We hate you. So I can't find an exact length of how long their border is, but coast to coast it's about 50k's. Okay. But it also dips down. So my best estimate, I'd say about 100km. Well, Saudi Arabia are so ticked off with their neighbour's Qatar,

they're like, we are going to dig a massive canal between you and us so you're an island now. We hate you so much. We don't want you as part of our body of land. That's madness. We're going to build a significant canal with one way on and one way off. So,

you're isolated. You are isolated. Truly isolated. There will be no land crossing apart from one small bridge that we will police. With what? A big digger?

Diggers. This is the United Arab, you know, you've been to Dubai, you know, they build these islands. Money is no object.

Money is no object. The guy with the money has an idea and the idea happens regardless. It's not like here where if we want something the council takes ages, everybody bitches and moans about how much it's going to cost regardless of the outcome

if it's going to be beneficial to them. There's a big process and all this red tape and all this safety and everything. They just literally be like, I've got money. I want that, Doug. Get in your digger and start doing it now. And so they're seriously considering building a huge 200-meter wide. Yeah. So it'll be 200 meters from side to side.

That's huge. Huge. And they want it at least 20 meters deep. What, so ships can go? Yep. Wow. They said that they can, so they can have ships come down there should they need it.

Are you allowed to just make another country an island? Are you just allowed to say women shouldn't be allowed to drive? They're just making up the rules as they go. That is crazy. Yeah. They're saying that's their plan and they're just looking into it so it's probably going to happen

or at least start and then they'll like get bored with it this is another thing if you've ever been to the United Arab Emirates they kind of start these things

spend all this money and then someone's like stop that I don't know just I'm a bit bored with it now so just stop that

and leave that walk away start something new and extravagant. So they're seriously considering just cutting Qatar off. Wow. Massive ass channel. If only you could do that to your neighbours you didn't like.

No. Or do it to yourself. Yeah. Make yourself a moat. Then you have a moat. That would be pretty great. And a drawbridge. Yeah, that would be pretty good.

Into your garage. And a navy. I mean, if you're an islander, then you've got to look into having a navy, don't you? Sure. All right, 7.22. Next on the show, something that I won't reveal the contents of,

but it's got something to do with the birthday boy. Thank God. Not Megan. Oh, God. You're off, but Fletch's birthday. Okay. The ongoing birthday doubt is next. Fletch's birthday. Okay. The ongoing birthday doubt was next. Fletch, Vaughn, and Megan.

The podcast. Fletch's birthday, what was it, Saturday? Yeah. Was your birthday? 23rd. The 23rd of June. Why are you bringing this up and going on about it? Well, yesterday you got to live an amazing cake.

Yeah, if you've not seen the cake. That was my Instagram, FletchNZ, if you want to see a picture of it. Or just the show Instagram, F-E-M-Z-M-O. Wow. Go to both and promote yourself. It was amazing.

Sharni just did such a phenomenal job. And she's like, oh, this is just my hobby. I'm like, you should be charging like a lot of money for this cake.

Hundies. Yeah. And she was like, okay then. And put her hand out and Fletch was like, high five. High five. High five.

Yeah. For birthdays. Yeah. But then I felt bad that we didn't get you anything. No, you didn't. Really? Well, a little bit. And I've just got you something that I've promised that I was going to get you for years.

So I'm just going to go get it. Do you know what it is? No. You'll know when you see it. I don't like surprises I think you might like it I don't think it's going to be serious Close your eyes

I'm closing my eyes He's about to bring it in Megan is it good? Yeah Can I open them now? Can I open them now? Yeah I have promised you Can I open them now? Yeah. Here you go.

I have promised you for years I was going to get you one of these and I saw it when I was driving home yesterday and I was like, and I screeched. I actually braked so heavily my tyres screeched and I pulled in and how can I say no to it? Look at this thing. Wow. Is that a Gabbana? That's Gucci.

That's Gucci. The G's are for Gucci. You have to describe to everyone what you've got. Vaughn has wheeled in a personal shopping trolley. You know, like a Nana trolley. I always called these brollies, but then I think a brolly is the umbrella that goes inside it, right? Is a brolly another name for an umbrella?

I just thought a brolly was an umbrella, yeah. It's beautiful. So this is one of those things that you see old girls towing around and they put like Broly is the umbrella that goes inside it, right? Is a broly another name for an umbrella? I just thought a broly was an umbrella, yeah. It's beautiful. So this is one of those things that you see old girls towing around and they put like bits and pieces inside it. Do you know what? Because I live in a city, I see a lot of even young people starting to use these now. Right.

Because they don't want to carry like eight bags back to the apartment. Yeah. They'll keep a little nana trolley. Yeah, might already have a backpack or some people, you know, might have their hands full. And now you've got a brown Gucci one. Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang. Gucci, Gucci, Gucci.

Yeah, we've got a... You look so great with that. I believe the bag can come off should you need to clean it for whatever reason. I thought it was secondhand, but is that brand new? That is brand new, yes. Oh, Vaughan, that is the best present I've ever had. Gucci trolley bag.

Do you think that people are going to laugh at me though? Who cares? Well, they can laugh but do they have a Gucci trolley bag? You can just know that you're cooler than them. I think we both know that Vaughan's not spending money on Gucci. Well, I don't know what else the G could possibly stand for. I said to the lady, what's the G for?

And she said, gookie. And I was like... I laughed. It was just a great trip home. All this excitement. So there you go. And it's got a plastic handle. You've got some white wheels.

They're a good bit of tread on the wheels. I don't know why they need tread because they're not really driving. They're just kind of, you're towing it. It's got stand. She's solid. Yeah, well, I was pretty impressed with its. Well, we should go to the supermarket afterwards.

I've got to do a shop. With you? Yeah. Well, I just don't want to go by myself because it looks a bit. I mean, it's a lovely present. Yeah. But I feel that people are going to mock me. We'll get a photo on our show Instagram of Fletch and his new.

You need to put a ribbon on the handle so you know it's yours. What's the official name for these things? Trolley bag. Trolley bag? It's like a just old ladies. They generally come in tart. And I don't know many sort of 80 plus women that are going to appreciate a Gucci. But maybe they will.

I don't know. You're going to get asked where you got that from. Yeah, people are going to be like, where'd you get this level? I'll just say my friends gave it to me. My very good friends after years of promising finally got my old lady trolley bag.

FEM. Girl has gone detective on her boyfriend. Now, they had set up a GPS. Some, one of those apps probably where you can see where another person is at all times.

Like Find My Friends on iPhone. Life 360. There's heaps of them. So they'd set that up because he goes out to sea and she wanted to always see where he was and stuff. Was he fishing? I don't know. Yeah, something like that.

So when he was away, he'd turn it on and she could always see that he was okay. Right. They'd set it up. And when he came home, usually he turned it off. Right. Because he didn't need it when he's at home, right? Except he forgot to turn it off this one time. Now, she was suspicious that he was going out all the time

and she didn't know exactly where he was, didn't believe where he was. So she did a little bit of snooping and remembered that they had this GPS locating service. So technically she wasn't really breaking the law because she was, it was connected to her phone. Already set it up. He'd forgotten to turn it off when he got home. So she used it and actually found out where her boyfriend was.

Okay. At a private address. So she went round and looked through the window of this private address where he was and she could see that his cousin, Jess, was topless on top of him. Wait, his cousin? Wow. Plot twist. He knows that it's his cousin.

Yeah. Oh, no. He doesn't find out at a later date? No. Not only did... Would that make the later date? No. Not only did... Would that make the cheating easier because you'd be like,

ooh, you're cheating on me but ooh, that's your cousin? Yeah, you're into weird stuff. Yeah. So yeah, she found out A, that he was cheating on her. Right. B, with his cousin.

Pretty, pretty grim. And now the world knows about it too which is even better. Yeah, why would you tell everyone? I suppose if you were like really pissed.

Well, if you were... Yeah, if you were, the story would just even better. Yeah, why don't you tell everyone? I suppose if you were like really pissed. Yeah, if you were, the story would just get out. Yeah. But I guess like not really stalking, but kind of using facilities at hand to do detective work on your partner. You've got to be careful. Like the law has changed so much. Like, you know.

Yeah. It would be pretty easy if you knew your partner's email, but if you did log on because you suspected something to their Facebook or whatever, that's breaking the law, isn't it? Is it? No, I didn't know it was. Is it? If you log on to someone's email address, isn't it?

But if you know their password. Yeah, but what if they've given you the password at some stage? You just remembered it. I don't know. Because they didn't give you permission to log on to it. Well, yeah, I'm pretty sure. Grey area? I don't know. Because they didn't give you permission to log onto it. Well, yeah, I'm pretty sure. Grey area? I don't know if it is, Megan.

Grey area? He gave me the password. If somebody knows, I'd love to know. But, yeah, I'm pretty sure if it's not your account, you shouldn't be logging into it. Okay. Maybe we shouldn't find out so we can plead ignorance when we get in trouble.

Wow, that's interesting. Well, I would like to know when you'd done some, we'll call it detective work on your partner. Okay, what, because you suspected that they were cheating? Yeah. And did you find out, like, I mean, not that your cousin was. Does it have to be cheating? Because what if they're just.

They're suspicious activities. Yeah. Like maybe financial, suspicious financials. Oh, okay. Like cash withdrawals from an ATM, but you don't know what that cash has been spent on. So you set up a surveillance in a van, which is actually a plumbing van.

Yes. But it's not, it's a surveillance van. But then someone comes out and they're like, thank God you're here, the toilet's blocked, so you've got to follow through. You've got to put your arm down the toilet and unblock the purse. And that's when they withdraw the cash

and you miss them. Yeah. Oh, classic. We'll get them next episode. Yeah. Well, if you've ever done it, give us a call. When did you become a detective on your partner? Oh, wait, maybe an ex-partner now.

Because you had to become a detective to do some digging. Oh, 800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. Give us a text or a call. I want to know when you've turned detective on a partner, maybe an ex-partner at that. Lisa, what happened? So I went away for work for the weekend, and when I came home, I went to check on my phone bill.

Yeah. And back then, it was logged in via your cell phone number, not your email address, and we have similar phone numbers, and our laptop also auto-remembered our passwords. Right. So I accidentally logged on as his, and I was looking through and thinking, I don't know this phone number, and I was looking through and thinking, I don't know this phone number.

And I was away that weekend, so I could not have texted 106 times within a period. Oh. I went to my best friend, who's also my next-door neighbour, and she rang the number for me, and a woman answered. So we just made up some bull story about, oh, is so-and-so there? Oh, no, sorry, wrong number.

And we left it at that. Yeah. When he came home, I asked him, oh, whose is that phone number? Oh, no, it's just a guy from work. Oh, yeah. Evidence is stacking up. Funny, because what would you say if I told you I'd rung it?

And, you know, who answered? Who do you think answered? Oh, yeah, no, I'm sorry. I met her on Craigslist. told you I'd rung it and who answered? Who do you think answered? Oh. Yeah, no. I'm sorry. I met her on Craigslist. Craigslist? Was this in New Zealand? Yes. Can you meet people on Craigslist?

Yes, you can apparently. I found out that way. He's now my ex-husband. Wow. Was he your husband? He was my husband. We've been together for 12 years. My suspicions would have been raised when my husband was using Craigslist. I know it's big in America, Craigslist. Yeah, I didn't even know you could get on with this.

Wow, Lisa, thanks. You're called Jasmine. When did you go detective on a partner? So I had a feeling my partner at the time was being a bit unfaithful. Okay. He got a text on his phone from a girl's number, and it was like, hey, I'm going to be home at this time. Come around.

She put a couple X's, and I thought, okay, that's justice. So, I told him I was going to work, and I hopped in the boot of his car and waited for him to leave. How long were you in the boot of the car before he left? He was honestly, like, right out the door straight after I was. Oh, wow.

So it wasn't too bad. Now, how did you, like, what happened when he went to the girl's house and you were still in the boot of the car? So I waited for him to get out of the car and, like, I heard the door shut. So I hopped into the back of the car let myself out and kind of did a little bit of a crazy and walked straight into her house and was like who the heck is this?

Wow and did she know about you? Yeah apparently she knew about me the whole time so it was kind of a bit of a kick in the teeth but oh well. How long was the drive? It was about a 30-minute drive. Any sharp corners where you slid to the side and were like, boom,

and he was like, what was that? And you're like, no, babe. I was pretty lucky. I was pretty still. I've had a few boot rides in my life. The minute I get in the boot of a car, I always need to go Waze. I hope you went Waze before you hopped in. Oh, my God.

Wow. And did you have to walk wheeze. I hope you went wheeze before you hopped in. Oh my God. Wow. And did you have to walk home or did he drive you? I made him drive me home. In the boot or what? He'd be like, I'm taking the car, you walk home.

Jasmine, thanks for your call. A couple of text messages. Somebody said, my partner was not only logged into iMessage on his phone, but also our iPad. Amateur.

One day when he was out, I heard the iPad ding, ding, ding. So I just opened up and I just watched the whole thing unfold in front of my eyes, called my best friend. She came around. We just sat eating, drinking wine, watching this. Hit a couple of shardies. Whole situation on roll on the iPad right in front of us. Oh my God.

Just watching the whole thing happen. I would have turned on screen record. That would have been some great hits online. Oh, wouldn't it have been? Yeah. And then spit it up. Chug a little ding, ding, ding, ding, ding in there. It's a sound effect.

That would have been all good. Content, content. Content is king. Somebody said that having been through this legally, if you give them your account details or give them access to something that previously has your account details in, like a computer where you've saved your login. Yep.

You've effectively provided them entry. See? Right. If you can prove you didn't give them your information, then it's a breach of privacy and an invasion of privacy. How are you going to prove that, mate? I don't know. Uh-huh. I don't know why I'm getting so into this.

Yeah, I don't know why The burden of proof Falls on the person That's been done over Yeah I know Anyway Crazy Yeah It's happening

I've moved To a community That's very Proud Gated This No it's not gated It's not gated

It's technically an island But it's got like A causeway So it's connected Like I don't have to Boat off it or anything A causeway What listen to you It's not gated It's technically an island But it's got like a causeway So it's connected Like I don't have to Boat off it or anything A causeway What listen to you

It's a road Megan It's a bridge I think you'll find The correct term Is a causeway Being the fan of civil engineering That I am I'll back Megan on this

And say it is indeed a causeway Okay Alright then So I have to drive off the causeway But yeah So Very proud of like The island And everything that goes on Well how are you renting there? Why? What do you mean? off the causeway, but yeah. So, very proud of like the island

and everything that goes on. Well, how are you renting there? Why? What do you mean? I don't know. Like if they're all, like they all sound like uppity. Oh,

well, I haven't been there long, so I've avoided most people. Right, okay. But, yeah, so there's like newsletters. It's quite cute.

Like I've spoken about the little book club and everything and they do a local newsletter. Do they have a Facebook page? Because most places have moved on from a newsletter to a Facebook cute. Like, I've spoken about the little book club and everything, and they do a local newsletter. Do they have a Facebook page? Because most places have moved on from the newsletter to a Facebook page. So they'll deliver this in the mailbox, and they'll be like, here's what's happening in the community.

Yeah. Okay, that's cute. And we've got a little yoga club down the road, and, like, it's very cute. I do love it there. I don't want to be, like, shunned. Maybe after this. But I got, actually actually we got a knock

at the door oh she doesn't like this who? me unless it's a courier you don't like visitors who's this? what's happened?

I haven't ordered anything online I even like avoid the courier sometimes because I'll be in my pyjamas and I don't know

the new courier because again I haven't been there long oh my courier you don't need to avoid they literally go and just run. In fact, I'm pretty sure he's just got the card to call,

ready to go, and just knocks and runs. Yeah. So there was a knock at the door. It was assertive, the knock. So I was like, okay, this means business. It's not a courier knock and run. Is it someone wanting to save your soul from the fiery pits of internal damnation? No. Or save you money

and your soul with fibre? With fibre or a change in power companies. It was a woman and so... Woman knocking on doors. What next? They'll be driving probably in Saudi Arabia.

So Andrew and I Answered the door I was like If we're going to do The table We're going to do it together We don't answer the door As a couple

You have to do this with me That is weird That's like some 1950s stuff That's like He's like You shan't be answering The door by yourself

It might be a ruffian And It was Marge Lovely Marge From our neighbourhood Marge Oh I've already got a picture of her in my head. The minute you said Marge, I conjured up.

It's probably, no, she doesn't have a picture. She's got lovely hair. Lovely, lovely hair. Okay. Now, Marge was informing us. She asked how our time was in the neighbourhood. She knew we were new. She's like, you're new around here.

She's keeping an eye on us. Yeah, 100%. So she said, there's something that we do around here where we do a little survey, and I wanted to know if you two would like to take part. Okay. So because they're so proud of the island and the nature and, you know, like they've got lots of rat traps

and everything around. Oh, the survey is what kind of brown are you to Megan's husband? My wife gets these surveys from people. They're getting quite creative in the way they ask, but they still ask underneath it all. There's still some veiled racism there. So the survey,

she said it only takes five minutes of your time and she's like, you don't have to do it now or while I'm here. I can leave it with you. I'm intrigued, Marge. It involved you sitting somewhere on the island, doesn't even have to be at your house, and survey for five minutes

what happens. And I was like, what do you mean? This isn't a high school statistics class where you go on the side of the road and write down how many cars were red. Well, kind of. She said write down how many cars you see. Write down what wildlife you see, if you see any rats said write down how many cars you see. Write down what wildlife you see. If you see any rats.

Write down how many people you see. This is very unscientific. For five minutes. I just say I saw a rat because if I don't have an interesting story, I just make one up. We said why and she said we just like to know the goings on. How many people like cars,

wildlife, do you see any rats, do you see any cats? She's running a paper version of that thing China's got, where they scan faces and it all reports to a head computer. Yeah, and we said no. Oh, you're in big trouble now. You're in big trouble. Your house is going to become one of the points on the island where people have to walk past and survey what's happening.

How did you break that to her? We just politely said, oh, maybe another time. Not right now. I'd do it right in front of her. I'd be like, all right, so there's an annoying woman at my door. I'm just going to write that down. But what is it, like some kind of grope or something? Well, she's part of Neighbourhood Watch.

So they have like a, they're keeping tabs. And they have meetings and stuff. But see, that would be more of a if you see anything suspicious write it down and let us know. Not just write down everything you see. No, because what's suspicious

to them or me might not be suspicious. You know, like I might see something and they think it's suspicious. I honestly don't know what the purpose of it was

so I just said no. But she invited me to the meetings and I said, we'll think about it. What, so you could be a neighbourhood watch? Yeah, but I mean, that's a lot of responsibility, isn't it? And Marge means business. I don't know if I can like... Get back in touch with Marge. No, see, Marge came back.

Oh, the story's not done. Marge came back. Go on. And I was by myself and I am in a position where I can see her coming up the driveway where she can't see me. We've previously established Andrew won't let you answer the door by yourself. I was home alone and I saw Marge coming up the driveway and I was like, no, not having this today. So I hid. Where did you hide?

But I didn't have time to get to the front door to shut the front door. So Leo was out on the deck and the front door was open and I hid. You abandoned your child to deal with Marge. Marge was talking to Leo saying, you can't be here by yourself. Where's your mum and dad? Marge knows that Megan's hiding. I didn't have the heart to tell Marge twice that I didn't want to do it

Not only that you've got some homeowners that are very lax about security when they're not home That's these neighbourhoods These causeway neighbourhoods That's why they want to leave their doors open They need to know who's coming, who's going She waited for like 15 minutes too before she left.

But I haven't seen Marge since. Claudia, do you think that time I just drove through when you moved out there and we drove past you and saw you and my wife freaked out and slumped in the seat? Someone would probably write down, mysterious brown woman slumped in seat of black SUV. Scoping out the neighbourhood. With skinhead husband.

With skinhead husband driving. Wow. Let's get my heart back. We'll come and do it. She's going to get the most in-depth 10 minute survey of every single thing I see. You're going to get me involved though. There'll be meetings.

Do they have a uniform? A neighbourhood watch uniform? I don't know. She wasn't wearing a high-vis or something. She should have a high-vis. Oh, she had a clipboard. She had a clipboard. Yeah, because she had all the surveys to give people.

Unreal. What can you use if you're not the police? Can you have a baton and some pepper spray? I don't know. Road spikes and taser at most, I'd say. Right. You want, and there'll be road spikes on the causeway. Yeah, Marge will be down for that.

Yeah. There's a camera. Just remember that next time. Is there? Yeah. Who gets the feed? I don't Marge will be down for that. Yeah. There's a camera. Just remember that next time. Is there? Yeah. Who gets the feed? I don't know. Everybody should get the feed.

That shouldn't be going to one person. That's Nosy Parker. It's probably Marge. Neighbourhood Watch. Half of your Marge is running a tight shut. But that's good though because you wouldn't want your stuff getting nicked so that's kind of on to it.

I feel safe, that's for sure. God. Well, it's probably about time you did a stint in Neighbourhood Watch, so that's kind of on to it. I feel safe, that's for sure. God. Well, it's probably about time you did a stint in Neighbourhood Watch, Megan. Pull your weight in the neighbourhood. I'm going to get a letter in my letterbox. Yeah. I'm sure someone will hear about it after this. Sorry, Marge.

FM. I'm just going to write this off to the success of Fortnite. Okay. The story I'm about to tell you. This elimination style battle royale, which all these video games now are kind of getting on board with whether you're PUBG or Fortnite.

Yep. Inspired. But this has to do with dating. Tinder, the people who bought us Tinder, what is it? Every fishy fish thing. Who are the people that made it?

They're a fishy. They got fish. Plenty of fish. Plenty of fish. Right. Plenty of fish. They own a whole lot, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They own a whole lot of apps and stuff. So they're bringing out, it's pretty much like Tinder except at noon every day

you are sent 16 matches that the app's algorithm has chosen for you from what you've put forward and from previous choices. Right. So this isn't on Tinder. It's a whole new app. Yes. Okay. Yes. So at noon each day you get

16 matches. Yeah. Predetermined. You don't get to pick from those 16. Okay. But when you get those 16, you start eliminating them. Okay. So there's eight rounds of, in the first round. Yeah. There's eight rounds and they pick first round yep there's eight rounds and they put one against each other

and you're like from these two this one's my favourite and he advances to the next round like a Love Island or a Heartbreak Island scenario

but on an app more like a bachelorette on your lunch break because it's one choosing from heaps yeah right and then you go to the next round you're like

okay from these two this one these two this one and then there's eight right and then you do that again against them and then you're left with four at from these two, this one, these two, this one. Then there's eight. Right. And then you do that again against them, and then you're left with four.

At that stage, you say, yes, select four, and those four get a congratulations. You can now advance to the next round of trying to win them over with your chat. Right. So at that stage, if you get through to the top four, you can talk to each other. Top four establishes communication. So then you could end up dating someone if you make it through to that final. That's ruthless. But what if my problem with these sorts of things is the weighting of it?

Because the first round, say, the first game you play might have your two hotties, and that might be a real struggle to decide who between those two. You read about them. You're like, these are both very interesting but then round two, three and four are no good. But they advance through to the next round but still none of them

were as good as the guy you eliminated in the first round. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. I'm saying they need to be it needs to be more of a pool, football World Cup pool. Then the top two from each pool go through. But then you don't have to, if you get through to the top four, you don't have to chat to someone.

No. Or, you know, end up talking to them. But then you also can't chat to the hot guy who was the major deliberation in the first round. Because he's gone. He's been eliminated. Unless he pops up again. But then you eliminate him,

so then that would affect your algorithm. Who's to say the final four that you end up with even like you? Because you're choosing them, right? No, but they're also choosing you. Right. So they've swiped you at the early stages, and then you get the 16. Producer Caitlin, are you currently bumbling?

She's our senior correspondent of dating apps. Hey. Now and we say senior because it's her birthday soon and she's moving into that next age bracket in the gym equipment.

Stop it. I'm still Hey but she survived 27 clubs. Early 20s I'm early 20s you're not late 20s until you're 29.

Ah well. I'm early 20s. I think that's how numbers work. Yeah yeah yeah so 20 28 still early 20s. No you need to thanks for asking that, Megan, because that was really confusing.

So what if, like, only the duds like you? Then you've, I mean, that's a reflection upon yourself, really. The best of the duds. Yeah, if you're like, man, all of these guys are duds. How did this happen? Then. I actually got a message from a guy on Bumble that said, I can't do this

because you always talk about it on the show with Fletch, Fawn and Megan and I don't want our dating life on the show. And I was like, oh, it's not,

but it's not, it's a different thing. Did that make you want him more? Yeah. Yeah. A little bit. Maybe it was all part of the game.

He's like, chase me. Yeah. Catch me if I can, Catch me if you can. But that seems like a lot of hoops to jump through when you could just like a guy, swipe and talk. But you can still go on Tinder. Yeah, but why do you need the extra hoops to jump through?

Oh, because people like the tournament thing. Because of Fortnite. Oh, okay. People love this elimination thing. And then when you do, you establish it with them at the wedding, the little number one battle victory royale pops up above your head. It's your one. Would you do this, Caitlin?

Or just stick to your bums? Your bumble. Not a word that you shorten. Shorten that. Don't try to project onto others. Shall we just move on? Okay. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is that you can only import, apart from cats and dogs, three types of pets. To New Zealand. Into New Zealand. Into New Zealand. And they have to be from approved countries. So if you can name the pet and the country, all the points. So not cats, not dogs.

Yeah, they're okay. Would any of them be, no, because I'm thinking rabbits, but then there's the viruses that we have. But they're good viruses. They eliminate rabbits. So it's not rabbits. It is rabbits. Where can rabbits come from? Four bonus points.

Australia. Correct. Thank you. Rabbits from Australia are one of the three very specific things we allow people to bring into New Zealand as pets. Turtles. No. So apparently some species of fish can be imported in sort of aquatic situations. Yeah.

But their import process is different. Okay, so not fish. And they're almost case by case. Right. By the looks of things. Can you give us a clue for the other two? The other two. Kind of ones, a pet lots of people have.

Zebras. Yes. No. The little. They're little. Turtles. No, not turtles. There's lots of things that are little but not turtles. And we little. Turtles. No, not turtles. There's lots of things that are little that are not turtles.

And we've already eliminated turtles. No mice. No. No mice. No rats. No. Guinea pig. Yes.

If you want to move to New Zealand, you cannot bring mice or rats. Don't want them. Don't need them. You can bring a guinea pig. A guinea pig you can bring. But only from Australia. Papua New Guinea. No.

Why Papua New Guinea? They're weird. Because of guinea pigs. Because they New Guinea. No. Why Papua New Guinea? They're refugees because they get eaten. Oh, okay. Refugee guinea pigs. I got it immediately. It's a very sound. It's a logic. Sound reason.

It is, yeah. And the other one is chinchillas that are like guinea pigs, aren't they? You like guinea pigs. They're sort of a posh guinea pig. Yeah. Chinchillas are from Great Britain. So if you are coming from Australia to New Zealand, you can bring your rabbit and your guinea pig,

but no chinchillas. But if you're coming from Great Britain, you can bring your chinchillas. They're super cute, aren't they? But they just look like a rabbit. You can get chinchilla cats. They're mega cute. Just Googling that.

Hehehe. Yeah, that's cute. Always leads back to cats. Well, how is it a chinchilla cat, though? Well, it's just the same stripes, kind of white and grey black stripes. It's not after the chinchilla, not the other way around. So, yeah, if you were moving to New Zealand, I just thought it would be...

You could kind of bring any pet here, given that it's time for quarantine. Should we bring a snake, Vaughan? No, no snakes. Don't be foolish. Okay, right. But no, you're right, actually. Anything that's not native shouldn't be coming in.

No. I think they're a little loose with dogs and cats, to be foolish. Okay, right. But no, you're right, actually. Anything that's not native shouldn't be coming in. No. I think they're a little loose with dogs and cats, to be honest. We don't need any more cats because I'm imagining you can't bring rats. Yeah, but it's not.

Rats, possums, anything that's kind of predatory, but cats, you know, they're up there with the worst of it. No, but you've got people that move back with their, might have been five years

in London or whatever and they've got tittles and they're like, I can't leave tittles behind. Like Ross Boss. Yeah. It's their cat forest. Brought its desert cat home I can't leave tittles behind. Like Ross Boss. Yeah. It's their cat forest. Brought his desert cat home.

Brought it back from Dubai, didn't he? Yeah. But now he's like, he's got no time for the cat. He's got kids. Because he's got a kid. He's got a kid, yeah. And your cat falls down the pecking order. And now the cat's outside killing kōrero.

Now, I don't want to say Ross's cat is single-handedly responsible for it. Kōrero. What did I say? Kōrero. It's killing meetings. It's killing. the cat is killing people are having meetings and his cat's like

they're like well that annoying noise has killed the meeting and it's got a kōrero kōrero and it's kērero

kērero in its mouth kērero it's got a kērero and a kōkako and it's killed this kōrero well I'm just that's the three K's

so today's fact of the day there are only three types of pets you can bring into New Zealand other than cats and dogs. Chinchillas from Great Britain, rabbits from Australia, and guinea pigs from Australia. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Day. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

The latest supermarket item to be locked up and not able to be accessed. And I believe this just isn't in West Auckland either. Right. Home of the see-through plastic Perspex spam cabinet. I don't have anything at my supermarket in the city that's locked up. Well, this apparently is going to be locked up in a few. Right. Is honey.

Oh, because it's so expensive. Honey is very expensive. Well, I had to bring my own little jar of honey today because I've got sniffles. I'm making lemon honeys as the show goes on. It's not cheap honey. Oh, no, it's not. She's not cheap. Yeah, but you bought manuka honey.

No, this is free. And how much of the money... I would never pay for Manuka honey. How much of the money are the bees seeing? This trickle-down economics isn't working. These bees work. Slave labour bees. Day and night.

Are they getting any cash in the hand? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. How much does your dad pay the bees? Minimum wage. How much is he paying the bees? He gives them his love and attention. His company every day. Well, he gives them the sugar and the bees? He gives them his love and attention. His company every day.

Well, he gives them the sugar and the water. He feeds them. Yeah, well, you've got to feed your slaves or they'll die. What are the bees going to do with money? Exactly. I should have said that. That's what I should have gone with. That's probably becoming a very successful business, people.

So they're starting to lock it up. Yeah, because it's very expensive. And, like, they're coming in smaller jars now. Honey's coming in smaller jars because the big ones are super expensive. And they're easier to slip. Easy to hide. Yeah, slip somewhere and smuggle out of the supermarket. Right.

Which is my problem with the supermarket at the moment is far from being able to smuggle a small honey bottle out internally. We've just got self-service checkouts. Welcome. We're getting riddled with issues. Welcome to the future. You live deep west. Yeah.

I'm shallow. No, we're central west. No, I'm shallow west. You're further west than I am. No, I'm like fancy west. That's why you've got a cause where you've blocked off the westness. They've only just started trusting you with self-service checkouts. Yeah, and they shouldn't have.

I mean, a lot of it is user error, but they're also like, place the item in the bagging area, and I'm like, it's in the bagging area, so I take it out of the bagging area, because I want to slam it down, because I think it's weight related, so I really want to slam the light thing in, so it's like, oh,

it's there now, and then I take it out, and it's like, please replace the item in the bagging area. I'm like, you didn't think there was anything in the bagging area. Do you know the trick is when you've filled your bags up, you wait for the green lights to go and then you can put that bag on the floor. But I bring my own bags. Yeah, so you can put those bags in. Well, that's problematic in itself.

I've got to push a button to let it know I've bought my own bag. Or it's like I put it in there and it must have been a slightly heavier bag than your standard single-use plastic. Are you using your own bag. Or it's like I put it in there and it must have been a slightly heavier bag than your standard single use plastic. Are you using your own bag? Yes. Don't want to. Oh no, I thought you were asking me. I was going to say I don't want to be a hero, but you're saying the machine doesn't care. Just press the button. It should say, are you using

your own bag? You say, I'm going to be like, hey, good on you. Anyway, should we get on with the grocery shop? That's a great little comfort from the self service. He's like, yeah, there's nothing in it. Then I put it in there and he's like, are you using your own bag? It's like, yeah, I pushed the button. Right.

And then it questions me and then it's like, oh, put it in there. And no, that's not right. And what do you want to find? Welcome to two years ago. I'm like, bananas. But is this problem going on for two years? Are you still getting these problems? Every now and again you get them.

Upgrade. And then you're walking to the self-serve and then you hear a nana go, I might try this and you're like, don't. It's far beyond you. If you can't use an iPad, you can't use this. Go down there and have a chat to her and get

a lotto ticket from the kiosk. This is for people under 40 in my opinion. I should say that. Less than 12 items and under 40 years old because we're all in an effing hurry. Get out of the way. It's time for Last Calls and we're going to start with

Sharni this morning. Good morning, Sharni. Morning, guys. What's your story for Last Calls? So in 2016, I was living in London And I saw some Celine Dion tickets come up For a concert in Paris Wow And you were like well we've got to

We simply must I have been a massive fan since I was little And I never thought that I'd ever get to see her So I was definitely going I just had to think like who am I going to thought that I'd ever get to see her. So I was definitely going. I just had to think, like, who am I going to go with? I can't do this alone. So I put a message up on Facebook and said, anyone keen to head to Paris? It's midweek, going to go to a Celine Dion concert.

And a couple of girls that were friends of friends popped back to me and said, yep, we'll come with you. Let's get it organised. Okay. So super excited, never thought anything of it, booked our flights, our accommodation. When we arrived, we went and got some French champagne and

got some nibbles and went all out thinking this was going to be a great night. The hotel wasn't too close so we walked to the venue and on the way there, one of the girls was like, did anyone look to see what the tour was, like what exactly

she's going to be singing tonight? And I was like, no. No, I didn't. Well, you'd hope it'd be My Heart Goes On. Oh, you'd want to be hearing all the classics. Yeah, she's going to finish on that, surely. And she was kind of a little bit puzzled and said, oh, she's French-Canadian,

right? I'm like, yeah. And she was kind of a little bit puzzled and said, oh, she's French-Canadian, right? I'm like, yeah. Do you think that because we're in Paris, she might be singing in French? Oh, no, I hadn't even considered. I wouldn't have even thought that. And we kind of, like, awkwardly laughed it off and we're like, oh, nah, surely not. Nah, nah, nah, we'll be sweet, we'll be sweet.

As soon as she walked out on stage, not a word of English, not even hello, it was straight into French. Bonjour. Bonjour. Bonjour, Paris. And what about her songs? Did she sing them all in French?

There were 25 songs, and five of them were English throughout the whole career. But surely even you could appreciate a Celine Dion. I mean, imagine her classics were the five that she sang in English, right? Yeah, absolutely. But then you wouldn't be able to imagine the beauty of Celine Dion in French would even be something more.

Oh, I've ticked off a concert in a different language, definitely, on my bucket list. That was great. But, of course, we all burst into laughter. We laughed so much that we cried. I think the girls are kind of just keen for a trip to Paris and a bonus to see Celine, whereas I was kind of like really squashed and

gushed. But the icing on the cake was when we got back to London, one of the girls had put up a tag on Facebook and said, you know, flights and accommodation to Paris, £300. Celine Dion tickets, £150. Seeing the whole show in French,

priceless. Priceless. Priceless. Yeah, we just got so much jib for it from our mates. That's bright, because I wouldn't have even thought about that. All right, Sharni, wait there.

We'll vote in a sec. Samantha, what's your story for last calls? Hi. So we've had some lambs arrive on our farm over the weekend. So I'd taken my two girls down to have a look at them on Saturday and my youngest daughter didn't like the noise that they were making so she decided to go over and say hello to the horse.

Right. So that was fine. Kids logic. Kids logic is fantastic too. That small, unintimidating thing is making a weird noise. I'm going to go see the thing that could kill. Kids logic. Kids logic is fantastic too. That small, un-intimidating thing is making a weird noise. I'm going to go see the thing that could kill me. Yeah. Yeah, pretty much.

So she walked over to him. That was fine. So we carried on like petting the lambs. And next minute she's yelling out to me. She's, Mom, Mom. So I looked over and the horse had actually, she must have turned her back to him and as she turned her back to him,

he's grabbed her hood of her jacket and was shaking his head. And so as he was shaking his head, she was like swinging from side to side and couldn't get herself free. Wow. He was like, this looks tasty. Yeah, it looked hilarious.

Like even though she was crying, I just couldn't stop laughing. It was probably a bad mom moment, but yeah. There is every parent's face that, do I take a photo or do I help? That's just an everyday conundrum right now in the Instagram world we live in. Good for the 21st and good for the likes right now. All right, let's vote the Tribal Council for our favourite story for Last Calls. Congratulations, Shani.

You're seeing Céline Dion and Paris entirely in French as one of today's Last Calls. Thank you so much, guys.