ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - March 01 2019

Episode Date: February 28, 2019

Friday Flashback, Don't Get Fletch Started and your stingy workplace allowances.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Welcome one, welcome all to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast brought to you by Spark. Get four gigs of bonus data on Spark's $49 prepaid value pack. Now, on with the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, do you own your story, Anya, the warning from the World Health Organization about measles and getting vaccinated before you travel. Costa Rica, measles free. And some anti-vaxxers went on holiday. And now they've got measles again. They've been measles free for a while too, haven't they?

It's not like they just achieved it. They were kind of quite proud of their measles free run. And then, yes, I don't know, inconsiderate people. I realise that not everybody can be vaccinated due to health reasons, but that's why it's very important that the people who can be vaccinated are. But, yeah, don't go dragging your bloody scabby measles to Costa Rica. Okay, Dad. Oh, I'm sorry.

You came in hot. I didn't know. I was like, okay. We only have the start of the show. You know my thoughts on it. Oh, I don't disagree. No. Anti-vaxxers.

Also, you touched on the weather, Anya. Yeah. And it is officially now autumn. The first of March today. That sucks. Babe. They're predicting hot, dry weather. But Vaughn, you look a bit chilly today.

You're in Christchurch. You're in our Christchurch studios. Oh my gosh. I can see your nips. Last, can you? No, you can't. It was so cold yesterday, my nips were pointing through my T-shirt and my sweatshirt. Wow, those are some strong nips.

How cold? Well, they're very powerful nips. Yes, they are. It's that big areole. Feel that? Well, that's the thing about the big areole. It can suck itself right in and just get behind the nipple when it's cold enough. But it was freezing.

Well, I mean, much, much colder than it's been in the last few weeks. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, time for story time. I've got three news headlines. Interesting, unusual, odd news stories. Vaughn and Megan, pick one of the following three headlines. Okay.

The others are deleted and we never find out about those at all. Although, are you there, Vaughn? Yeah. Oh, we can't see you on Skype. Oh, yeah, I know. I was just about to take a photo of the screen. I'm like your mum when something's wrong. Oh, you know, I've got to, there's a network,

a poor network connection. I dropped, I'm Skyping back in, listen. Oh, no, it's doing that thing where it's not ringing yet. You know how it gives a little bit of a beep? I've got a network connection. No, it's my end, guys, my end. You are like our mum. It's our end.

It's your father's done something. It's our end. Should I restart the router? Oh, I'll call you back. He's bloody touched you. Why'd you go and touch something? Yes. That's why we were ringing him, to see what we should do.

All right, well, I've got three headlines now. Choose one of the following three. Headline one, the new Ford Meth-Splorer. I like that. Headline two, reporter new Ford Meth-Splorer. I like that. Headline two, reporter gets ploughed during live report. And headline three, when clothing attacks.

Oh. I quite like when clothing attacks. Reporter gets ploughed. And what was the first one? The new Ford Meth-Splorer. Oh, so was there meth one? The new Ford Meth Explorer. Oh, so was there meth found in a new Ford Explorer?

Oh, well that was, because lately there's been quite a few meth rings busted. Because in New Zealand I think it was golf carts and golf cart batteries were intercepted and they were full of meth. So was it sort of there seems to be some big explosion of meth being

smuggled inside vehicles, so were they being internationally... You've knocked it out of the park, Vaughan Smith, Vaughan L.O. Smith. Thank you. Ten points for you this morning. Thank you. Congratulations. I'll attribute them straight to Hufflepuff, my house here at Hogwarts. Alright, so that leaves headline two, a reporter gets ploughed during live report, or when

clothing attacks. I'm happy to let Megan decide as I have. When clothing attacks. You want when clothing attacks? I think, yeah. Yeah. Was there a storm and the reporter got like, yeah, blown away? Five points for you, Megan.

Yeah, okay, okay. You get half as many as Vaughn because you didn't quite nail it. Because I'm a female. And because you're a female. Yeah, okay. Hey, well, this time next week, Megan, you'll be able to dish out as many as Vaughan because you didn't quite nail it. Because I'm a female. And because you're a female. Yeah, I can. Well, this time next week, Megan, you'll be able to dish out as many points as you want. Yes.

Because it's the all-female breakfast show this time next week on ZM. Don't miss it. Thanks, Vaughan, for the free plug. No, that's my pleasure. Are you stirring your coffee? Yeah, can you hear that? Yeah, yeah. All right, we go to British Columbia.

This actually happened a while ago, but it's been detailed in a medical journal. A woman was brought in with gunshot wounds. She was a 39-year-old woman. She was responsive at first. She was even talking. They gave her an X-ray just to see the damage. And the X-ray showed she was shot with a shotgun.

So, you know, that's pellets. Yeah, right. So they did an X-ray showed she was shot with a shotgun. So, you know, that's pellets. Yeah, right. So they did an X-ray. They found bullet fragments lodged in her chest and abdomen. None of those life-threatening. X-rays also showed a variety of metal around the patient's body, you know, like clips, bra clips, keys, a cell phone, et cetera. They all showed up.

And all of a sudden, the woman's breathing deteriorated rapidly. She was immediately intubated and rushed to the operating room where doctors made an alarming discovery. After they cut into her body, they cut her open and something went...

Like a check in the box. They cut her open and something went, ba-ding-ding-ding, like, oh no, you know, like a metal. Like a jack-in-the-box. Like her bra, the metal wire in her bra had been shot into her. The underwire. And had stabbed into her. So when they cut her open, it went, ba-ding, and stuck up. Oh, I remember in a sports bra. Oh!

That would have just been like a massive. So it was measuring half a chest in length. And at first they were like, what the hell is this? They thought it was some kind of detonation device or something. Holy moly. And yeah, they figured out it was actually her wire underbra. Yeah, when they saw it, it had like a curve of a boob. They're like, oh, there we go, it's underwire.

Yeah. Had it like pierced the lung? I don't know. Because if you were saying half a chest deep, like, if you think halfway, that would easily pierce the heart if it got in the right spot. Yeah, they actually took a nurse to come in, and she was like, oh, that's just the wire from the bra.

Imagine the old mates didn't really know what was going on, maybe. They've never had the washing machine attack their bra and their underwire come out. So it transected the patient's stomach in half, took off the left lobe of her liver. Jesus. Her new livers had earlobes. Or Lisa lobes. They lacerated her diaphragm and nicked her aorta. But she's alive today. And the article is entitled,

Underwire bra complicating a gunshot injury in the Canadian Journal of Anesthesia. Oh, my God. Mm. Whoa. Boom. So she was, oh, how, does it say how far away the person with the shot go when they shot her?

Because it's crazy that there was enough force to make the bra wire pop out and get stuck in, but there wasn't enough to just completely destroy her and kill her. It just said that she was shot at close, you know, at quite a close range. Do we actually know why she was shot? No, it doesn't go into that.

Oh my God. It doesn't say anything. Imagine if medical journals did start, so she was shot because, and then goes into by Tracy because she was like sleeping with Tracy's partner and like, oh my God, I saw him and he definitely isn't worth being shot for.

Yeah, well. It makes the story even better. Yeah. I think they just leave out the drama. It's just facts in medical journals. Yeah. Yeah. There's been an investigation into the Domino's app.

This is in the UK, though. This isn't the New Zealand Domino's pizza tracker. Yeah. But in the UK, people have suspected for a while that the pizza tracker... Now, this isn't where you're watching the dude or dudette who's dropping off your pizza come down the road in their mum's Honda Civic with a Domino's

thing strapped on the roof. Yeah. This is the thing in the app where you watch what stage the pizza's up to. Like when you order

and then you go go and then it goes prep baking quality check and then like out for delivery.

Right. You know that little one that ticks it through? Yep. So some people have been calling it out for its inaccuracy. Now, I've never been of the thought that every individual pizza is being tracked by this. I've always thought it's just the average time of what Domino's can crank a pizza out in.

Oh, I didn't think that. I like sat there and watched it and was like, it's in the oven. And imagined your pizza in the oven. Yeah, right. I figured they'd have some sort of algorithm type situation. Like if it's a custom made, maybe the prep time takes a little bit longer.

Right. So when it shows up, it would be slightly longer. Or if you're ordering heaps, it might take slightly longer. Right. But if it's just a standard meat lovers and it's one that they've already got 10,000 of ready to roll, then it would be quicker and it might be a shorter prep time, but then the baking's the same time. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

I've never considered it to be individual, but people have been living in this world where they think their individual pizza has got its own sort of like computer program monitoring it to crank it out. Oh, I'm sorry. No, but you think about when you get a parcel, right? And you watch it being tracked from like the UK or something or some warehouse

in China and it's scanned at each point. So I just think... They're not scanned at each point. That's not from the pizza shop 1.5 Ks down the road that you were too lazy to look to. And these pizzas don't have individual barcodes, so of course they're not scanning your pizza at every moment. But no, I just thought there was like a little bell, like, okay, it's ready to go in the oven. Oh, just update that online, Steve.

Megan's pizza's coming out of the oven. I just thought it was like a little button they push, okay, like it's done in the oven and then like now it's out to be delivered. You know, like you just get to push the bell every time. I think it's just to

make us feel good that our pizza's coming. Waste our time. It's totally, as it's described in this article I was reading, a total placebo effect of you're watching it

and you, you know, getting yourself hyped up when it's on its way. I've only had it delivered once because I live down the road from all of these places, so it's quite wasteful to get it delivered. But once we were having a party, I was like,

well, no, I don't want to leave, so we'll get delivery. And I was watching it, and I think it's a line, right? Yeah. No, it's a circle. It's like a clock, isn't it? No, I had a line. You had a line. Do I have to order pizza at 20 past six to just say if it No, I had a line. You had a line. Do I have to order pizza

at 20 past 6 to just see if it's a circle or a line? The Reddit reports that are coming out of the UK, it looks like their one's different, I reckon. I had a line and then it ended and then they were like 20 minutes later and then they were like

we'll just give you this voucher. I was like, okay okay so I can order again and you'll be horrifically late again when I reorder this pizza that I have to pay for even when you get you're still not happy

no it was like a discount voucher so I did have to pay my own money again at a later time but you got to engage in a discount

yeah that's the vibe there yeah okay but I was like but the whole tracking thing left me disappointed. Right. Because I was watching it. What vehicle were they using for delivery?

An e-bike. Oh, yeah. Because when you live in the suburbs, it's a car. And I think those little Domino's lights that they strap on the roof. And if anybody's listening who's ever delivered for Domino's, if you can confirm, I've always thought the GPS tracker must be in that thing. Yeah, I think it is. Yeah, I don't know if they have those on the e-bike deliveries.

Where do they put their Domino's sign? Um, they've got like a little box in the back. They're real cute. Well, okay. Saving the planet. Yeah, cute. I like it. Yeah, that's pretty great. Now I just want a Mate Lovers and Chicken Cranberry and it's only 21 past 6. Yeah, or a breakfast. Hey, don't judge.

They're not open in breakfast hours, eh? No. I always reckon, like, has anybody ever really nailed a really great breakfast pizza? Oh, like a bacon egg kind of a breakfast pizza. Hollandaise. Yeah, but maybe capsicum. That could be an optional extra. I don't know how you guys feel about that, but that's always an...

No. Because I'm going down the omelette path. No, do a mushroom. No, we were going down Eggs Benny path. Oh, hollandaise. Yeah, okay. All right, I'm listening. Hey, guys, we're up this early.

We could totally have a pizza thing out in the producer's booth and we could start our own pizza company. A little pizza oven. Yeah. Caitlin, are you busy? Do you want to order a pizza oven from China or something? Oh, yeah. No, I'm just sitting here not really doing anything.

Great, great. Yeah. We're literally just online shopping. I am not. Stop it. I work very hard. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Yes, good morning.

It is with a big fat dash of irony that I can tell you that James Shaw, Green MP and climate change minister. That's what was the most ironic. That's right. Spent more than any other government minister on international travel in the last quarter. Now, between October 1st and December 31st, he actually travelled more than Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Foreign Minister Winston Peters.

Where's he going? Well, this is the thing, Megan. There was two big international climate change conferences that he kind of had to go to as climate change minister, but ironically they were in the US and Europe, so he actually contributed to climate change to learn how to fight

climate change. Because he got like a worm farm to offset his carbon emissions. Well, that's the thing. He said when they flew Air New Zealand or one of the Star Alliance partners, travel emissions were offset, as well as the Green MPs also offset emissions through a separate program the party ran. Right.

Oh, they've got that. That's that box that you tick, eh? I never do that. Yeah. When you're booking online. Yeah, because it's always extra money. I'm just like, no. But I do things.

I recycle and plant trees and stuff. You don't plant any trees. No, I buy a lot of pot plants when mine die. Yeah, they die. I'm buying a lot. Because you keep your windows shut, so the oxygen they're producing doesn't even get outside. No, that's for me.

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Oh, right. Okay. You're doing nothing here. You're very self-focused. So I've come up with a top six list. The top six are more environmentally friendly ways

for James Shaw to travel internationally. Okay. Number six, a South Korean fishing trawler. As long, as long as they're not trawling. And cameras are fitted. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Because if they're trawling, there's that whole environmental thing about fish being plundered.

But if they're just chugging, they do use a bit, but not as much as a plane. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six more environmentally friendly ways for James Shaw to travel internationally, a solar-powered glider. Oh, okay. Now, I don't know where the technology's at on this. I remember seeing one in its entire wings with solar panels,

and I was like, wow, that's going to crash and burn. It's really interesting because the main thing that's holding them back is the batteries are so heavy. Right. So when they can get good batteries. A little bit of light reading about it last summer was the weight of the batteries because you can fly, obviously, above the clouds. So you should get uninterrupted sun.

But then if you're travelling a long distance, there's probably going to be night time. Yeah, you get to 10pm and you crash in the ocean. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's when you start doing your gliding. Yeah, right. Like, guys, I won't lie to you, this is Captain speaking, we are coming in hot.

Number four on the list of the top six more environmentally friendly ways for James Shaw to travel internationally, a lime scooter attached to a paraglider. Brilliant. Okay. So it's like you rev and the little wheel spins around and that's what chugs along that little propeller thing, but it's all battery powered.

Love it. Yeah. Is that outside the Lime service zone? Oh, very true, actually. Yeah. Very much. You just have to get a non-branded e-scooter to do the same thing. Number three on the list of the top six more environmentally friendly ways for James Shaw to travel internationally, saddling up a whale. Okay. If you get them at the right time of the year when they're heading up to warmer waters, you'll get up there.

I don't know where up there, but a little bit closer to the destination anyway. You just have a really long snorkel. Yeah, I hope he holds his breath when they go under for 40 minutes at a time. I was thinking like an oxygen tank. Oh, yeah. Like a diver's tank. But they also go pretty low, so you might want to work on pressurising your ears or your ears might pop. Or just tell the whale to slowly go up so that you can...

Don't get the bends. That's... Are you telling the whale? I could get nitrogen bubbles in my blood. That's basically what that was. Number two on the list of the top six environmentally friendly ways for James Shaw to travel after a very travel-intensive last quarter on jet planes. A leaf. You know, you see them blowing in the wind sometimes.

A big leaf. A big leaf. He lies on the leaf and then waits for a gust. And then when it blows him up, he kind of steers it. But what if it's like a wind in the wrong direction? Hold on. Yeah, right. Hold on would be my advice.

And the number one more environmentally friendly way for James Shaw to travel internationally if it was good enough for the other James, it's good enough for this James, a giant peach. Yes! He can live inside the giant peach with an array of giant insects

and then they'll travel around, they'll roll, they'll float and then they'll get the spider to spin a lot of web and then tie it to heaps of seagulls and get that, they get the seagulls to take them wherever they need to go. That's how that book went. Roald Dahl was smoking something, that is always guaranteed. Sure.

Yeah. And, you know, what he was smoking is about to be legalised for medicinal purposes by the Green Party. It's a circle of life and it is complete. That is today's top six. We're, as a collective, big fans of candles. Big fans of candles. I guess you could call us Fandles.

Okay, yeah. Sure. I'm done. By the way, I'm done now. That's the best. I'm going to do this voice break, so I'm just going to... She's going to take a back seat. So a woman in Sydney, Taylor was her name,

she was burning, it just is a popular brand of candle, and she was getting ready to go out, so like doing her prep. Yeah. And it looks like she was in the bathroom maybe doing her makeup or something, and that is when the candle exploded. This happens every now and again, doesn't it?

Yeah, and I'll get to my rant in a minute. It sent dozens of pieces of glass. There was fire licking up the walls. She's not lying either because there's pictures and I can see where the smokers and flames have gone. She said she was she had to call the

firemen and they came over and x-rayed the walls to make sure there wasn't a fire starting inside of them because of the heat. They can x-ray walls? Yeah. Apparently. Yeah. So she said, look, I just want to put some information out there about exploding candles. I think that it's very dangerous. There's so many posts

about it online. And this is where I get a little bit angry because I can see in the picture that she has burnt it right down to the very, very end. And that's what people don't understand is you've got to leave, is it a centimetre? Yeah.

At the bottom? It says on most candles when you buy them, don't burn them to the last drop because it gets too hot and it's got nothing to burn and they will, like, blow up. Especially the glass containers are the ones you're talking about, aren't they? Yeah, yeah. When you're like being cheap and you want to burn every last dribbity drop in there. Trouble is those candles are expensive.

I know. And so you're like, well, I've got to get my money's worth and like throwing, when it's not lit, it's all solid at the bottom. It looks like there's enough to burn. You're like, well, I paid a lot of money for this candle and I want that delicious vanilla coconut smell. Right to the very last drippy drop. Yeah. I lit one yesterday in the bath and when I got out of the bath,

I was like, ooh, that's very hot and there's not a lot left in it. But yeah, right, next time I'll be like, to light or not to light? Yeah, well, that's the thing. And I mean, I would never leave my candles lit and not be home. Unattended. But you wouldn't want that to explode when you're out of the room or something. No. And it's too late and before you know it, your house is engulfed.

But I just think people always saying exploding candles are a thing. It's really not. You've got to blow it out before you get to the drips and dregs of the bottom of the candle. Because that's the downside of having the pretty glass container, right? Like if it was just a candle by itself sitting on something with no glass surrounding, you could burn it right down, but it's not. It's surrounded by glass.

Or you can get some of the hipster ones in those like little metallic bronze or black kind of... But they don't show their heat and then you go, oh, I'm just going to pick up this candle, blow it out, pick it up. Yeah! And melt your Yeah! And then your candle doesn't smell like French vanilla anymore. It smells

like human bacon. FEM. This is a pet peeve of Fletcher's. He goes on and on about it all the time. When you go on a flight and you get seated by a baby. Oh, look, I mean... No, say how you

really feel. Don't sugarcoat it. Don't sugarcoat it. I'm not going to incriminate myself, Megan. On air. He hates it. Let's be honest, everyone hates it. Nobody enjoys it when they're sitting on a plane and parents sit down with kids.

No, but we don't begrudge to parents. You're like, oh, that sucks for them just as much as it does for us. Don't try to be all political, Megan. No, I sit there because the parents don't look like they're having fun either. I mean, I don't really, to be honest, I don't care because I've got noise-cancelling headphones. And now that you're allowed to wear those, you know, during the safety briefing and, oh, you're not meant to wear them.

No, you're not. Yeah. I always say to you, can you please take those off? There was a recent flight from Seoul in Korea to San Francisco in the US. And a mother had, it was the first flight for her baby, and she pulled out all the stops to make it better for everyone else around her. I would have just been like, sorry, sorry, and not worried about it. But she made more than 200 goodie bags.

And she handed them out to people on the airplane. And she wrote a little note. So you got the goodie bag and inside it was a note that said, Hello, I'm Jin Woo and I'm four months old. Today I'm going to the US with my mum and grandmum to see my aunt. I'm a little bit nervous and scary because it's my first flight in my life. Which means that I might cry or make too much noise. I'll try to go quietly, though I can't

make any promises. Please excuse me. So my mum prepared little goodie bags for you. It has some candies and earplugs. Please use it when it's too noisy because of me. Enjoy your trip. Thank you. That's pretty cool. That's pretty cool. That's pretty nice. And so in each of these, yeah, it looks like there's a biscuit

and some lollies and earplugs. And there's 200 of these that she handed out to everyone. 200? I would have stopped like 10 rows. Well, yeah, no, that's the money they spent on the goodie bags. They should have just bought business class tickets and annoyed the people up there. God, could you imagine if you forked out, like, however much it is for that?

Business class and get sat next to a screaming baby. Because if someone had a baby in business class, would they have to have their own seat for that? Because you remember when we went to Dubai and Emirates upgraded us to the upstairs of the plane, and there were those kids that were, like, four and five, or I don't know how old kids are. That German family had four kids.

And they each had their own business class seat. That's mad. That was mind-blowing, eh? We were just like, what? Yeah, that was crazy. But those kids were pretty well behaved. Look, I didn't hear anything from those kids. Yeah.

Because they had a 22-inch screen, leg room, endless food. They could do whatever they wanted. Well, this baby was in economy, but apparently she didn't make a noise the whole flight, so the whole goody bag thing was in vain. But still a nice gesture. Yeah. There's an email.

Sorry, someone's turned my... Why am I looking at the wall? Someone's turned my Skype computer, Caitlin. You've mummed this up again. Hi. Really mummed it up high. Good to be back. Yeah, there we go.

I can see Megan. So yesterday an email went around work sent by Ross, who I believe has just sat down. Maybe that's why I was turned to face the wall. Hi, Ross. Hi, Ross. Now, run us through this email. You've received word from the upper decks.

Can we just step back a bit? Wasn't it a very funny email? I spent a good amount of time writing that. It was a good email. I was really proud of that one. It was passive aggressive and humorous. Yeah. Nailed it.

So a lot of us here are on company phone plans and we all get a certain amount of data allowance. It used to be like a gig or two gig and we got in trouble with that. So we all get 20 gig now a month, which is massive. Few people going a little bit over that. Few people going a little bit over that. Few people going a little bit over there.

It was our last day yesterday for the month, and I'd used 15 gigs in a month. That's lots, eh? One person used 20 gig by the 13th of the month. I'm not naming it, show me. Belle. She was telling me about it last night. Really?

I tried to buy a Booner SIM card. Oh, my God. Wow. But to be fair, it's not fair because some of the older stations, like what are they doing on their phone? No, I think they're doing about 20 megabytes. Yeah, I was going to say. So it evens out.

No, because we used to be on two gigs, right? Because that was my thing. Two gigs is definitely not enough. But then somebody's like, well, you're already using everybody else's share on that. So I imagine the company's just reallocated who gets what, right? Like some of the old mates. Yeah, I think if there's a pie graph, ZM's looking pretty big in that one there. We're taking our share.

But we're all on. We're checking Instagram every 10 minutes. You've got to have lots of guys. Look, we're millennials. We need more. And that's why we got the 20. But that was kind of the limit. Yeah, right.

Yeah. But, Dad, you're ruining my life. But as I said yesterday, once you hit that 20, they send me a report of everything that you've used data-wise and it literally is down to the kilobit. Look at Vaughan's face. No. And you can see.

Vaughan's too smart for this. You can see. Vaughan's not doing anything bad on the company plan. Sometimes Wi-Fi's accidentally turned off. Or there's that assist thing. There's that 15-minute period at home, and I can see the times. You know there's that Wi-Fi assist? Like if your Wi-Fi's slow, the data's like,

I've got your back, bro. I'll help you out. I've got a little bit of speed in me. I'm 4G. And then, okay, right, that's good to know. Well, I mean, you are currently away for work, Vaughan, so maybe just about everywhere. If you're going to use anything, use your personal laptop maybe.

But then what does that connect to? Oh, your phone. No, there's been Wi-Fi where I've been staying. Oh, right, okay. So that's been fine. Not that this is anything that I've been looking up. I've been doing a lot of Trade Me. Right.

Okay. That was unbelievable, was it? No, not really. No, not really, no. Not really, no, no. So, but I'm stoked because I'm not the perpetrator. You're not the worst. For once.

Yeah. I'm far from the worst. And I'd like to know this morning, not necessarily data, but what your work has an allocation of that you find a little bit stingy, that you're always getting pulled up on. Because I know petrol cards. Yeah. Some people might have an allocation a month to do with the company petrol cards.

And then they blow out. You might get like an allowance if you go travelling for work. Oh, yeah. Well, Ross is left to see. Get him back. Our per diems definitely need to be higher. He wants the per diems higher now. I want them lower.

Pay your own. What? I can't go away with work. Are we being fed? Good. Well, I suppose if you want to eat, you better feed yourself. Get a loaf of bread. Well, no, but Ross's argument is that you feed yourself every day anyway.

So what's different if you're in a different city? Yeah, but I do a weekly shop. That's a lie. But I do a weekly shop when I'm at home. You've still got to eat at home. Right. That's also a lie. But yeah, no, that's a lie.

But I just want Padans to be higher. Yeah, right, to have an ice cream while I'm away. Okay. Well, I mean, 20 gigs is a real first world problem allowance, isn't it? It's pretty nuts. When it was a gig for a month, that was certainly a bit stingy. Oh, yeah, well, I love getting those passive aggressive emails that we were using more than our fair share.

So 0800Diles.in, we'll take your calls now. You can text as well, 9696. What is your workplace's stingy allowance? Give us a call. We're talking about if your workplace has an allowance for anything that you think is a little bit stingy. We don't think it's stingy, but we have been told that some people at work

do believe 20 gigs of data a month isn't enough. We used to get one or two gigs, and that was definitely stingy. We just get texts all the time being like, you've used your allowance. Yeah. But then there was no consequences. I've also heard dating apps really churn through data allowances.

I've heard. Because you know you're going through everyone's photos. What you think about it, if you're looking at someone's photos, like five or six photos. Yeah. That's not that much. Who have you heard that from? I've heard that Caitlin told me.

No, she's not on a dating app anymore. She's got a boyfriend. I've got a boyfriend. She hasn't been on one in months. Looking through a dating app would be nothing compared to watching people's Instagram stories. Yeah. Or you're that too. That would absolutely churn it.

So some text messages in on the data side of things. Somebody said, I get a warning on my work phone when I've used 500 megabytes. That's like, you could use that in an hour. You could use that in way less than an hour. And then I get a warning for every 500 megabytes after that. I get a text message warning saying I've gone over. But then what's the consequences? Because I just get warning after warning after warning,

and you're like, oh, yeah. Can you block the warning text? I'd just do that. Or they blacklist the number. Somebody can even be that. Our company has a 350 megabyte data limit a month. Actually, you know what? I think, was it one of those airlines?

It might have been Emirates. They give you 500 free megabytes in in-flight Wi-Fi. Right. It was some airline. And I literally logged in, was on Instagram for like five minutes and it was gone. It was gone. Everything updated and it was just gone. Yeah.

What can you do with 350? Load Google? Yeah. Like connect and then start talking to someone and realise your phone's on auto-update. So it's just like blowing it all on some half an update. Yeah. Olivia, what's your workplace's stingy allowance? We have a fruit bowl allowance.

Oh. I mean, we don't even have a fruit bowl, so that sounds pretty decent. No, hang on. Hang on a bit further. Okay. We're allowed one to two pieces of fruit per full-time employee per week. Okay, so if you have your banana and your apple on a Monday, that's you for the week.

That's it. But is there a fruit bowl monitor? Because couldn't you just take more? Well, our office only has two employees, so I don't know how much they're reading those receipts, to be honest. So your office has two employees, so your fruit bowl per week has four pieces of fruit in it. That is the saddest thing I've ever heard.

Because particularly, like, if you're saving your nanny for Friday, it'll be very brown. Brilliant. Thanks, Olivia. Hayley, what's your workplace's stingy allowance? So, I'm a primary school teacher. Okay.

And each month we only get $20 to use on the photocopy machine. And I'm guessing, like, from my memory of school, there's a lot of photocopying. You get a lot of handouts. Yes, well, to put it into perspective, another school that I've worked at gave us $200 a month. So we had a staff meeting where they said, you know, like

they basically turned it on us saying, look, if you're doing photocopying, then your kids are getting you know, I don't know, bad teaching because you're just using worksheets. But it's like, well, mate, we don't have the resources. We've got to photocopy them. Yeah, and you might have made, you might have invented a worksheet.

You might have a brand new fresh take on it, but then you've got to photocopy it still, don't you? Exactly. So it's going to put us in a tricky situation. And do you ever use any of your own money to photocopy? Well, I wouldn't know how to put that onto the school one. I mean, I spend thousands of my own money on other stuff, but what I did find out, and this is really bad,

but I found the admin bought a copy code, which doesn't have a limit. Yes! You know, low-key sharing that with the other teachers so that we could get resources for our classroom. That's great. That's the world we live in. You know what?

I don't think anybody would feel, anyone would think you're a criminal for doing that to help children. No. Hey, thanks for your call, Hayley. Sophie, what's your stingy workplace allowance? I work at a big like retail department store, like

a big chain and we only get 5% discount. Oh, really? 5%? I've never really thought about what the discount, like what do you think it should be? Yeah, what's the use? Well, like it should be a good 50%, you know? Like, we get 50% on, like, clothes we can wear to work,

but that's about it, and it has to be, like, black. Like, it's pretty out there. Like, I mean, most stores, like, Quicksilver and stuff, they all get 50% off. Do they? Exactly. I just thought it was that much. Yeah, okay. Man, I wish it was that much. Yeah, okay.

Man, I wish it was the 1990s and I was a Quicksilver employee. So I could just, like, shuck a bra on my rollerblades and look like a real gnarly dude. Get some sweet boardies. Yeah, 5% is stingy, isn't it? Yeah. It's like, it's not even worth it. It's like, not even worth it. Yeah, I know.

It's like 20 cents. It's like, no thanks. Shop somewhere else when they're having a sale. That'd be really great. Hey, thanks for your call, Sophie. Some text messages. Somebody said, we get a staff discount at the work, at the cafe that I work at. It's a 10% discount.

We worked it out one day. It was a 20 cent discount on an $8 egg sandwich. Wow. Wow. It's great stuff. Bathroom break allowance. This is apparently a call centre. Technically you should never go to the bathroom

unless you're on your break, but there's a 1% allowance of your time before you get a warning. So you've got to clock out on the way out to the toilet and clock back in, and if you're longer than 1% of your work day out there, you get a warning about being away from your desk.

That's rough, eh? Because what if you're drinking lots of water so you're hydrated, your mind's good and you need to... I'd have to go to the toilet all the time to have a cry after all the people were mean to me on the phone. Well, maybe that's a different time allowance. You're allowed 4% of your time for an allowance. Man, hearing from so many teachers,

somebody said at school you're allowed one colour printout a week as a teacher. What? What are you going to blow that on? It better be something good. Laminating pouches. You are allocated at the start of the year one pack of 100. So you're not allowed to laminate anything outside of your initial 100. I used mine up in the first three days.

So I've had to now buy my own laminating pouches if I want to laminate anything. That's the thing you hear of teachers having to spend so much of their personal money. That's not okay. That's madness. No. Hell no, it's not. And somebody else said, every week we get one milk delivered. And I keep getting told off by the boss because I drink the milk in a glass.

And he says, that's only for tea and coffee. And I say, well, I don't drink tea and coffee, so I just drink milk. So I'm getting my fair share. Except I'm drinking the majority of the milk, and it's a real standoff at the moment. Okay. I like a good milky standoff. There is a new service available on Uber.

They're calling it a service, but you can now tip. So from yesterday, actually, in New Zealand and Australia, once you have rated the done star rating for the driver, after that, it will pop up with an option to tip the driver.

So there'll be one, three, five. You can tip up to $50. There's a customizable option as well. There's another amount, yeah. But this is now available. I've used this overseas. Did you take an Uber this morning, Vaughn? Correct.

Did you get a tip option? I didn't see any option for tipping. When do you do it? At the end when you go back into rate? Well, I tell you what, stand by. I've not been back into rate my driver. Have you not done your star rating? Well, no, because sometimes I don't do it until later. And then next time I open up the app, it's like,

how was your trip with whoever? And I was just like, oh, I think it was five. Yeah. How was my trip? Because I'm loose with my fives. I'm five everyone. No, it should be five for everyone. Guys, it's there.

Okay. Well, what are you going to do? It says add tip. I can enter one, three, or five for everyone. No, it should be five for everyone. Guys, it's there. Okay. Well, what are you going to do? It says add tip. I can enter one, three, or five. Okay. Literally just what Megan said. No, enter custom amount. I can put in whatever I want.

Also, just what Megan said. Is it on the business account? No, it's on my account. Because if I was on the business account, I'd be like, 50 bucks. But he didn't do anything above and beyond. my account. Because if I was on the business account, I'd be like, 50 bucks. But he didn't do anything above and beyond. Because we've had

not tipping, now it feels like tipping is an additional charge, but we're not getting anything extra for it. This is the thing, is New Zealand isn't a tip culture. We're not a tip society. And so people, I feel like, aren't going to tip, really. Because what they do in America, they don't have a minimum wage. Is that right? Well, they do, but it's really really. But then in America, they don't have a minimum wage.

Is that right? Well, they do, but it's really low. So in service industries, tips are what make them up. But in New Zealand, like the Prime Minister said yesterday, tips are kind of included in your wages. Yeah, so that's why they don't do them. Although they're still tried on. But then I also don't like tipping.

If there's a tip jar, I don't want the boss to take a slice of that. I want that to be for the people who did the stuff. I don't think the boss can take it. No, sometimes some workplaces have been, some bosses have skimmed off of it. It's terrible. I thought they just split it at the end of the day. And it's like a collective tip jar. It's not just like give it straight to the person.

But apparently in this it says tipping is optional. Uber does not charge any fees on tips. It all goes straight to the driver or Uber Eats delivery partner. Because that's the complaint a lot of Uber drivers have had here and overseas is that after Uber takes their card, which can be quite a bit, you know, they don't get as much. I tipped $1. Well, if it's like a $6 fare, that's still like quite a bit. Yeah, it all adds up, doesn't it?

The trouble is if I get an Uber drunk, I'll be like, you deserve everything in the world. And then when I got like a 10-minute Uber ride, I'll check it the next day, it'll be like $70. Because you're tip-tip. You deserve everything. But then when I used Uber in like South America, you'd get an Uber all the way across town for like 20, 30 minutes

and it would be like five New Zealand dollars. And you're just like, okay, I feel horrible and terrible because in New Zealand that would have been like 50. So you can easily like chuck in five bucks because you don't feel bad. And it's still only 10 bucks. Oh, okay, Mr. New Zealand coming over here with all your money. The price of living is significantly cheaper there.

That's why we holiday to these places. Yeah, it's true. But yeah, you're right. You just feel bad when you get in an Uber for like half an hour and it's $6. You're just like, that just shouldn't be a thing. No. You know? Yeah, it's like massages in Southeast Asia.

Someone has to rub your grubby bod for like an hour and then at the end of it, you give them like $8 and you're like, I do feel bad, but I feel good. Want to talk right now about a TV show that I've been obsessed with. It doesn't play in New Zealand, but I've been watching it on YouTube. I just stumbled upon it one morning when I was doing my Hollywood gossip stuff. Hollywood gossip. And basically this is a TV show. It's called The Masked Singer.

Now, is this one Ryan Reynolds went on when he was in Korea? The Unicorn? Yeah. Yeah, I believe so. So they've stolen the idea, but there's no new idea. Or they've bought the rights. Or they could have done that. You know, because it's America.

No one wants to be sued. They've bought the rights. You've seen this one, haven't you? The premise that... You don't know who it is. It's like The Voice, but it's also like they can't see, we can't see, and it's a celebrity, right? Yeah.

So they're all celebrities, and you get clues along the way as to who they are, but they only get revealed when they've been eliminated. Well, they've found the winner. So spoiler alert if you are watching this, because I don't think it's on here in New Zealand. No, and if you are watching it on YouTube, you should probably

already know. And who has been involved? Who has been, like, who have been some of the unmasked people along the way? So, we've had LaToya Jackson. There's lots of American celebrities that I kind of didn't know, but there's LaToya Jackson, there was Bruce Willis' daughter.

Who was really good. Rumour was on there. I'm trying not to say the winner because that's going to be a surprise. Dionne Warwick, I think, was on there and obviously amazing. So there's bonafide singers. How embarrassing though if you're a singer, a bonafide singer, and I mean, she hasn't had much lately, has she? But imagine you get eliminated early on.

You've got, like, I don't know, Grammy nominations. Tori Spelling was one, but she got eliminated kind of early. But she's more of an actress, though. Joey Fatone from NSYNC? Wow, she wasn't even a very good actress, if we're honest. Her old man was just incredibly rich and produced heaps of Hollywood shows, so that's how she got in there. Is that NSYNC?

Joey Fatone from NSYNC. He was really, really great. But he didn't win. He didn't win. So they all have different characters. So you just call them like the Peacock or the Monster or the Bee and they're all elaborate costumes. They're really elaborate. How do they

because they're basically in a mascot. So I think, Fletch, I think the songs are recorded. I don't think they're basically in a mascot. So I think, Fletch, I think the songs are recorded. I don't think they're singing them live. But they are singing them. They are singing them, but I think they're produced and then they just get up

And then they do a little bit of a dance. Because you can't see the lips syncing because they're in a giant costume. Yeah, and I don't know that the microphone would actually get close to their face because the costumes are so elaborate. It's worth a look,

even though I'm about to spoil it for you if you've never seen it. It's definitely still worth a watch on YouTube. But the winner was the monster. Now, no one could figure out from the clues or anything who this guy was. All we know is that it's a male. And the judges don't know either.

Celebrity judges, there's that guy from The Hangover. Who's that guy from The Hangover? Oh, what's his name? Which one? Ken Zhong? Yeah's that guy from The Hangover? Oh, what's his name? Which one? Ken Zhong? Yeah, that guy. Ken Zhong. Yeah, right, he was involved.

He was one of them. Yeah, Nicole Scherzinger, Blurred Lines guy that we're like, okay with again. Robin Thicke. Yeah. Alan Thicke. Alan Thicke.

No. Robin Thicke. Robin Thicke. No, it's Robin. Alan Thicke was his old man. Yeah. That's right, yeah. From The Thicke Family.

So they got all the clues. The Thicke Family. Why? I don't know. It just sounds funny. Now from The Thicke Family. Oh, The Thicke. So they got all the clues. The Thick Family. Why? I don't know. It just sounds funny. Now from the Thick Family. Oh, the Thick Family are coming over. Well, Thick used to be an insult, but now it's like nice to be called Thick, eh?

Because it means you've got a bit of booty. Sure. Is that right? Yeah. Sure. So the monster has won. Now I'm not giving away his identity. I'm going to play you, because he is quite a good singer.

He was one of the judges' favourites, but they could not figure out who on earth this celebrity is. Okay. I'm going to say now, we all know who it is, like a person. It's not an obscure American celebrity. No, this is quite shocking, to be honest. So I'll play you, he did Sam Smith's Stay With Me. Okay. And it's incredible.

He's dressed like a monster. Vaughn's got his eyes closed. I'm trying to picture them. Like, that's incredible. Yeah. Isn't it? I mean this in the nicest way, and this is a compliment. Are they African-American?

Um. I actually don't know their origin, but I would say not. Their ethnicity. No, I don't just want to love them. I don't think so. Fletchers. Because I don't know. You guys know who it is, but I've got no idea. It sounds like a very soulful

African-American voice, but then to be honest, the first time I ever heard Sam Smith sing without seeing what Sam Smith looked like. Is he a singer? He was. He is a singer Born in Florida Okay Well yeah

I would say It's brought up In a Muslim household Okay Is it seal? No Oh You are not gonna believe

Who this is I feel bad Because Once he Every time He finished singing Everyone was like You're amazing

You're amazing And then when he took His mask off, the judges were stunned that it was this person. So that voice, and you need to listen to some of the other performances, belongs to T-Pain. What? Have you got the unmasking?

I can get it. It's more just the audience going nuts. The audience went nuts The judges were like Are you kidding me? And he just said I've spent my whole life Thinking that people thought

I could only sing with autotune Yeah that's what I was saying Now you know it's T-Pain Just listen to this one more time So no more jokes about T-Pain and his little chain place. He can sing

and everyone is just blown away that he was the monster in the masked singing competition. That's crazy. And he got a bit teary when everyone was like, you're really good.

But it's called The Masked Singer. Definitely worth a look. Oh yeah, it's a good YouTube watch. Definitely. Kill a bit YouTube watch. Definitely. A calibre at a time. Wow.

All right. Yeah, wow. Megan, I was just wondering, do you ever worry too much about incorrect use of stock images? No, I don't generally notice the stock images too much. Oh, great. Yeah. If I see one misused, I often laugh.

It's far more of a chuckle than it is anything else. But yeah, no, it doesn't worry you. I find it somewhat amusing. Fletch, do you have any thoughts on incorrect use of stock images? Actually, Vaughan, yes I do. I do have a passionate dislike for when news organisations

use the wrong stock images. So this happened earlier this week and I mentioned it to you in passing. I didn't think this would be dragged up. I don't think you ever do something like this in passing. You think it's in passing, but it usually goes for about 10 minutes.

But it's important that you're factual. Okay. So earlier this week, there was the whole Air New Zealand thing. It was like, it started the week with, oh, there's going to be a, you know, they're going to cut airfares, and then they did, and there was news stories about their yearly profit. Yeah. And a news story had a picture of a 737 taking off

in the old Air New Zealand font. They don't even have 737s anymore. They retired the whole fleet for A320s domestically in Pacific Tasman. So don't use that image anymore because it's not a thing. But it's an Air New Zealand plane. But it's the old logo. They don't even have those anymore.

You go to the airport, you're not going to see one like that. Oh, my God. It just did my head in. But I didn't know that they were not flying the A737-20s anymore. The 737s? Yeah. They haven't for years, Megan. You should know this.

You fly all the time for work on them. But I don't know what the plane's called. What do they look like? I'm going to have to Google Boeing 737. Okay. They haven't been around for ages. And they do this. But they just look,

they're pretty much the Boeing version of the A320. They did this a few months ago. They had a 767. And they haven't had those for ages too. And I was like, use the right plane. This is a very specific page, but I know

that aviation gurus are very pedantic about this. No, but it's not just this I was watching. It was either a news story, I think I saw both. I think I saw an online like a Stuffel Herald and I think TVNZ had a story on Christchurch,

and they had an image of the city pre-earthquake. Oh, this doesn't look like that now. Oh, yeah, no, see, that's not right. It wasn't a story about the earthquake and pre or post. Nothing to do with that. It was just about Christchurch. Wrong image. That's eight years, by the way, that I've had to.

Exactly. You've had eight years to update your library of database images. And who is sitting there thinking, well, that's a lovely photo of Christchurch. It doesn't even look like that now. I mean, yes, there is a tram there, but I notice the surrounding areas. Not the same. Not the same. You smelt it.

And it's rude to the people of Canterbury. It's rude. Yeah, it shows that there's not enough respects being given lately to get some new stock image. Another one when they use police cars in a stock image and it's different. They don't look like that anymore because they don't have the, you know, the orangey.

Oh, they're a different colour. They're all different colours now. Oh, God, who's in charge in these newsrooms? Interns, probably. Because, you know, my dog has entered the stock image news cycle. Right. Because remember when I used to live with Graz and he was a cameraman? Yep.

He needed a shot of a dog in a car. Okay. Because I think it was a story about dogs going in cars without any sort of restraints on them. Right, okay. So there's my dog Lulu's kind of like up at the window looking around, and then I see Lulu on a story about leaving your dog in the car in summer. I'm like, well, we don't own that car anymore, but that's my dog, and I don't want to be associated with the overheating of the dog.

But we're in there now. We're in the stock imagery. The big issue there is the car is out of date, and the dog is looking a lot older. That needs to be updated. No, that's great for Lulu. Yeah, yeah, it's good to see the old photos. It's my head, and have some respect, journalist. There's a great hashtag on Twitter, if anybody's still in that realm of social media.

Hashtag bad stock photos of my job. And so basically you go onto a stock image website and you search keywords to do with your job. Right. And you see what comes up. Some amazing ones. Some really, like there's somebody said food scientist. And there's just hundreds of photos of syringes of bright-coloured dye being injected into various foods.

Oh my God. And that's not their job at all. They said, this isn't my job at all, and also this is not how you would genetically modify food, if that's what you're thinking. It's time for Friday Flashback, going back to 2009. It's quite scary looking back at songs from 2009. The songs that, that's 10 years ago and they don't feel that old. No.

Do you know, last night I flicked on the TV and iRobot was on. Remember that Will Smith movie? Oh, yeah. And in my head I was like, how old would this be? And I was trying to work it out. That came out in 2004. Oh, yeah. And in my head, I was like, how old would this be? And I was trying to work it out. That came out in 2004. Oh, wow. So that's 15 years old, that movie.

He doesn't look any older. He looks pretty much the same. Has he done any good movies since then? I would have to IMDB. I'm sure he's had something. I'm sure he's had something. All right, well, this song, we go back to 2009. In New Zealand, it made it to 11 on the charts.

It was a top 10 or top 20 song in most countries. I've done the classic thing where I've backed Fletch off air and now on air I'm going to be like, ooh, I don't know. You're going to back away from him. Oh, Megan does this all the time. I'm like, what do you reckon of this song, Megan? She's like, that's so good. Yeah, banger.

Then we get on air and she just absolutely mows me down. Hangs you out to dry. Unbelievable. This song was nominated, excuse me, for Grammy Award. Oh, okay. For Best Rap Song and Best Solo Rap Performance. But didn't win. Didn't win.

Didn't win the MTV Best Video Artist Award either. It did win for the Beatport Music Awards Best Indie Dance Disco Track. Oh, that's something. Best Indie Dance Disco Track. Yeah, and it was also nominated for BET Track of the Year in Hip Hop Video. Nominated as well.

So, I mean, it's a nominated song. I'm not taking any of your stick, Megan, today. It's an absolute banger for Friday flashback. No, it is. Kid Cudi, Day and Night, I keep stressing my mind, mind. I look for peace, but see I don't attain. What I need for keeps the silly game we play. Now look at this. Madness the magnet keeps attracting me, me.

I try to run, but see I'm not that fast. I think I'm first, but surely finish last. Finish last. Cause day and night The lonely stoner seems to freeze my night He's all alone through the day and night The lonely stoner seems to freeze my night At night Day and night

The lonely stoner seems to freeze my night He's all alone so things will never change Day and night The lowest owner Seems to free his mind at night He's all alone So things will never change The lowest owner Seems to free his mind at night At, at, at night It's Kid Cudi, Crookers Remix, day and night. It's your Friday flashback on Zeddem kicking off Friday Jams. Fletcher's Friday flashback today.

And how are we feeling about that now that we've heard it in full? I always really like that song. I always really like Kid Cudi. Cudi? Cudi? Cudi? Cudi. Yeah.

Cudi? He could. He cuddied. But I'd love to bring you feedback, but the Wi-Fi's dropped off again here, so I'm flying blind. I don't know if either of you have got the text machine open. If you're ever just on, Kit Kat, if you ever need to pick me up, him dancing at Coachella with Electric Feel MGMT

is probably one of the greatest feel-good videos ever. I've got the text machine back. Wi-Fi's come back on. Great stall. Somebody said absolute banger. I remember this song blaring when I was in labour on my way to hospital, and now that child was nearly 10 years old. Oh, wow.

And it's called Kid Cuddy. Cuddy. Yes. Cuddy is the middle name. Yeah. Yes, Fletch, banger. Somebody else said, so good. Just almost blew the subwoofer.

Yeah, we blew our sub. Do we have a subwoofer in here? We've got a woofer. I think it's just two woofers, speakers, and yeah. I like that text that says Fletch should take a break from picking flashbacks. It's a bit rough. I mean, the majority of the rest of it is good stuff. You were just giving them all positives.

It's good to find a balance. Good to mow me down, is it, Megan? Yeah. This song reminds me of my boss when I was an apprentice, as it was his ringtone, and I really wanted to punch him every time his phone rang. Friday ruined. Oh, we've drenched up some bad memories.

Yeah. No, I, um... Overwhelming success? Banger, banger. Yeah, well, I know it's split, but I would say, yeah, 70-30 in favour. Well, that's enough to rule the country. I was about to say that would be enough to establish a government. 100%.

Lime scooters. Lime scooters. I'm a lime scooter craze. And he was just going too fast, so I jumped out the way. Another day, another lime scooter story. Okay, so we're still Aucklanders. Are we the only place without... And Dunedin.

Auckland and Dunedin without Lime Scooters still. I've got an update. Um, Antonia, can we go to the news desk? Ida, you probably don't know the answer to this, but weren't Christchurch deciding yesterday if they were going to carry on? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they did. They did.

Carried on. Well, I went on one last evening in Christchurch, so I can tell you they're still working. Right, okay. Was that a pleasing experience for you? You know, I personally, it was very cold. As previously discussed, my nipples were showing through my sweatshirt. That's two layers, T-shirt and...

T-shirt, sweatshirt. I could have gone for a jacket. There were people in puffer jackets. It was very cold. But such a great city for a lime scooter because everywhere's flat. And all the bike lanes. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, there's many a bike lane.

Yeah, I whizzed the entire way. I even overtook some cyclists on the bike lane on the Lime Scooter. Yeah, it's not nice in a hilly area because when you go up a little hill, it's like... You're going to almost hear the Lime Scooter going, you fat bastard. Ouch. Yeah, you've got to get off and cack a little bit. Yeah. So there is an update.

They've been suspended, obviously, for the braking issue where they would suddenly brake on people. That didn't happen to you yesterday, Bourne? No. That's good. No, I did actually did a couple of skids, though. The brake on the one I had yesterday was very, like, a new tight brake. So a little bit of a strewt-strewt,

and then, yeah, you could actually get a bit of a skid going. It was nice. I love seeing all the, like, lines of skids that are appearing around the city because people just get on them and ruin them. So Lime had to prove that the safety issues had been fixed. The council chief operating officer has said that they've received all the information requested from Lime, so they're doing a review.

It could take another day. So we may have them back tomorrow. Because they're all sitting in a warehouse in the Auckland suburb of Kingsland. I've seen a photo of them all. Oh, really? You've seen a photo of them all in the warehouse? There's like a thousand of them. And apparently they've got another thousand just sitting there ready to go as well

if they get a license for more. Did it look like an undercover? You know when they do an undercover operation and they go into like a chicken factory where all the chickens are like squashed together in a warehouse? Yeah, they were caged. Poor lighting? They were caged. Free the limes.

Free the limes. Free the limes. I'll only ride my lime if it's a free range. I'm going to actually do some rescue limes in spring. Yeah, yeah. Apparently some of them have never touched grass or dirt before. Horrible, horrible. So apparently they rolled out a firmware update to the scooters,

and they reckon that fixed them. It's not quite hardware, just firm. I don't know, an update to something. Did you say firmware? Firmware. Isn't that what it's called? Firmware. Because I've seen that.

Software and firmware. I don't know. Software and firmware. I don't know. Software and hardware. I've never heard firmware before. Firmware is permanent software programmed into a read-only memory. Right. See, I know what I'm talking about. I read the news.

It's like software, but I'm imagining software would be a memory that you could change, not read-only. Right. Okay, well, fingers crossed that, because a lot of people are waiting for the return of the limes, fingers crossed it will be next couple of days. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. All right. Today's fact of the day, I stumbled across this because I saw someone online asking why

Americans say cellular telephone and everybody else just says mobile phone. Oh, yeah. Have you ever wondered? Just one of those weird American things. Yeah. So my initial thoughts were duh it's because cellular cellular telephones get uh their signal from cell towers cellular towers but then i thought why are cellular towers called cellular towers and that is what was answered

in this article uh so when the mobile phone technology was first around, they had to plan out whereabouts they were going to put towers to broadcast mobile signal so that you could get a signal when you were out and about. Otherwise, that would be very pointless, wouldn't they? I mean, even now there are some black spots where you can't get any reception. So they mapped out, these guys who were in charge of it, they mapped out where they would need cell phones because they invented one cellular tower, which they just, I guess,

called a mobile phone tower at that stage, and put it up and tested the signal. They found out that the shape of the broadcast area was pretty similar to a cell. A human, like a a cell. A human cell. It stacked. It all stacked together. They found out the shape and they put another one in the next bit over where the reception

got lost. When it all stacked together, it looked like cells as if you're looking through a microscope into plant cells. It was all the same through a microscope into, like, plant cells. It was all the same shape, and it was all smudged together. Okay. Like beans or something. So they said, it's like mapping this out,

and we're going to have to do it like it's at a cellular level, and we're going to need to place them in positions where they all merge perfectly together. And that's why they're called cell towers. So that's why it was called a cellular network. Okay, this is one of those facts that Megan is not impressed by, Vaughn. Cool, bro. Wow.

I tell you what, grab her phone, throw it in the bin. She doesn't get one anymore if she's not interested at all in how it works. She doesn't get to have 4G. She doesn't get to go to Europe and post photos on Instagram on the road and not know how it happens. So it looks like cells in your body. It looks like cells. In the microscope.

Any cells. They all obviously have to stack up. Otherwise, we'd just fall to bits, wouldn't we? We'd just jelly out and splosh all over the ground. But all cells kind of merge together, and that's how they shaped it out. And when they draw a map of it, it would look like it was a cell. Looked like a bunch of cells.

So cool. That's awesome to know. The sass on this one today, eh? Unbelievable. That is, no, I'm so glad I know that now. Fat! You know Vaughn gets hurt when you don't like his fact of the day, Megan.

That's a good one. We all use cell phones all the time. No one's questioning why. I thought it was interesting, Vaughn. Thank you for that. No. Yeah. That was shit.

I'm sorry. Biological cell. Oh, thank you. Well, I mean, it was interesting. We'll move on though now. Good to go? You think it's shit too. Admit it.

No. He does. He just doesn't want to hurt your feelings, but I'm okay with it. Work on that for Monday. You've got a wee work on. I will not be told that I have a work on. I've had a week. I've had a week.

It has been a week. It's up there as far as weeks go. I don't need a... Oh, I almost swore. I don't need a frigging work on for the weekend. All right, I'm going horse riding with my daughters tomorrow. I'm going to reconnect with them. I'm going to earth myself.

I'm going to take my shoes off and I'm going to put my feet in the sand. Put your yoni to the earth. Oh, yes, yes. I'm going to reconnect. I'm going to take my crystals. I'm going to put them in in the sand. Put your yoni to the earth. Oh, yes, yes. I'm going to reconnect. I'm going to take my crystals. I'm going to put them in my ears or whatever you do with them. And then I don't need to work on. Okay.

Recharge. Well, today's fact of the day is that it's called a cellular network because when mapped out, the broadcast towers look like a biological cell. Wow. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. with Best Foods Mayo returns. It's its 27th year this has been running, and it starts on the 2nd of May, runs through until the 26th of May, not far away.

Tickets went on sale yesterday at midday. So 17 countries, comedians from 17 countries, including our own. Including our very own Ursula Carlson. Good morning. How are you? I'm good, thanks.

How are you guys? We're excellent. Good. How are you finding the time to do this? You've got a child. You've gone every second Australian television show. You're kind of all over the place. Are you just wedging this one in because it's a bit of a favourite?

No, because I've got two kids, so I try not to stay home. Right. I'm waiting for them to push through this whole potty training phase and then I can come home. Because at the moment, there's a lot of pee that goes into the doll's house. You don't know. Like our daughter is five and she was great to potty train. You just kind of went, okay, so we're going to potty train.

And she went, yes, I understand. And I went, you're going to have to go in the toilet if you feel like going. And she went, right. And that was it. With our son, you go, okay, so we're going to have to go in the toilet if you feel like going. And she went, right. And that was it. With our son, you go, okay, so we're going to potty train and he goes, hungry. And then he just pees everywhere. Like, boys

are different, man. And I cannot get him to stop peeing in the doll's house. Is there a toilet in there? Yeah, I was going to say, have you specified which toilet? I want to put a potty in there. But then I was going to say, have you specified which toilet? I want to put a potty in there. But then I'm like, am I making it worse? Am I training him now to pee in his sister's room?

20 years from now, he's got issues. He's sitting at the psychiatrist. His sister's in the waiting room because she'll have to look after him and feed him. And then they'll go, I don't know why I can't stop doing it. I'm like a narnia. I just keep peeing in these cupboards. I don't know.

So you're just trying to keep yourself busy and out of the house till that second. Well, out of the house till the doll's house has stopped being peed in. Yeah. Yeah, so I was like, you know what, I'll sign up for every festival. I just go and do those.

But also, New Zealand is my favourite festival. I mean, I travel all over the world with festivals, but New Zealand one is my favourite because it's small and perfect, just like New Zealand. It's small and perfect and they give you all the mayonnaise you can eat. Why would you not? This is Ed's 27th year. How many years have you been doing comedy now?

St. Patrick's Day will be 11 years for me. Wow, okay. And how was it you filmed your Netflix special, which was that like a pinnacle for you? Yeah, well, every time I do something cool, like, you know, if you get booked to do a line-up show at the Opera House, you're like, this is it. This is the best it's going to get. And then you get booked to do your own show at the Opera House, you're like, this is it. This is the best it's going to get.

And then you get booked to do your own show at the Opera House. You go, okay, this is it. And then I got asked to go to Montreal to do Just for Laughs. And I thought that is sort of, you know, the peak as a comic. That's what you want to do. But then Netflix came out. So there's always more, right? You always have to keep going.

So then I went to Montreal in July last year and we filmed the Netflix special and it was just mind-blowing. But, you know, there's been so many other things since then that I go, this is it. You know, because sometimes I'm in a pub, like I did a pub gig in Ponsonby

and there were seven people in the room and they all laughed and we all had a great time and afterwards we all had a gin and tonic. So you tell me, that is not a highlight. That's 100% audience enjoyment. That's like,

we're talking percentages and we do love a per capita fact down here in New Zealand. That's 100%. That's unbeatable. That's 100%. So you cannot, like you can do a theatre full of people, 2,000 people.

You don't know how many of them love it. But when you have seven people and then we all share a bowl of chips and some gin and tonic at the end and everyone goes, we had a great night tonight. You go, yeah, let's forget that it's Tuesday and we're all going to hang out at work tomorrow. We're going to be males this Tuesday. And how are you doing so well in Australia?

You're a South African who lives in New Zealand. That's like the absolute opposite of what Australians generally like on their screens. But you seem to be getting heaps of work in Australia on TV shows. Yeah, I know. I think I confuse them so much with my accent because it's such a hybrid to them that when I'm over there, they don't know how to say no to me because they're not sure what I'm saying.

You know when someone talks and you can't hear them and you sort of only have three goes, you go, what? And then you're like, I can't say it again. Yeah, and so then you just have to agree to it. So it's the same. When you don't understand someone, you go, what?

What? Okay, you can have this TV show. That's how I get it. Wow. Well, are you hosting or are you just participating in the comedy gala? No, I'm just participating. Oh, good. It's a reed Nicholson hosting, and he's an amazing host,

and he looks great in a suit. When you see him, you go, damn it, I wish I looked that good when I'm in clothes, but I don't. Don't make me naked either. Well, tickets for the gala and for all of the shows, the full program, it's all up at comedyfestival.co.nz and tickets are on sale now.

ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, And tickets are on sale now.