ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - March 07 2019

Episode Date: March 6, 2019

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Welcome one, welcome all to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast brought to you by Spark. Get four gigs of bonus data on Spark's $49 prepaid value pack. Now, on with the podcast. It's on. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Sanya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. So apparently Auckland Limes are meant to be back today as well. You haven't seen any yet?

Not this morning. Yeah, that's why I was wondering what time they're going to be on the back. I saw some. Did you? Mm-hmm. There was a little pod of them. Right. And I was like, oh, hello, old friends.

A little herd. Yeah. A little gaggle. Well, that's great news. A little fuck. A little... Keep going. I need more collective nouns.

You said gaggle. A little school. A little parliament. going. I need more collective nouns. You said gaggle. A little school. A little parliament. What's a parliament? A owls? Collective noun for owls? What is that? A parliament of owls?

I thought you were going to say collective of MPs. Which is also what it is. A... Am I right? Did you say herd? I didn't say herd. A parliament of owls. Parliament or a steer.

A steer? Yeah, S-T-A-R-E. A steer of owls. Oh, like they're staring at you. Yeah. Random. They do. They look a little messy, don't they? Owls. Sometimes. They look a little better on the glass pipe, sing a night.

What's up? What are you doing? I'm going to freak out and fly over there. Silently. Coming up on the show before 6.30, we've got the top six. Yeah, the Cook Islands are looking to change their name due to the association with Captain Cook, who a little while ago were all like, wow, that's a great guy.

He was an explorer. He was on the Endeavour. It's on the coin. Yay, Captain Cook. Then as society has become a bit more awoke, he was on the Endeavour it's on the coin yay Captain Cook then like as society's become a bit more awoke

yeah and we learn more about what old Cookie was up to everyone's a little less keen for the association old Cookie old Cookie

up to New York so the Cook Islands are like we might rename ourselves something a little bit more reflective of our people and our history

they've tried this before they had a referendum and they all said nope keep it like it is. Can't they just be like we're Cook Islands because we like cook real good food?

Yeah. That's the association. Yeah. We like cookies. Yeah. We just decided to shorten it. The Cookie Islands. Who doesn't love cookies?

Alright, so we're going to change it to Cookie Islands. So you've got six new name ideas. Yeah. I wish I hadn't said Cookie Islands because that could have been like my number one. But I said it and then I was like, damn it, as I said it. People have short memories.

Just do it. It's half an hour away. We've all got to agree when I say it, we've got to act like it's the first time I've heard it. Oh, and definitely don't text in and say, oh, you couldn't come up with another one. Yeah, because let's say you do six every day. That is something you'd text back. That is something you'd text back. That is something you'd text back. I will text it back.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, three news headlines that I've found very last minute. Only a moment ago. You really vorn this situation. I really did vorn this. I don't know how this happened because normally it's the first thing I do when preparing the show. Right.

But I had a lot to do yesterday because I was packing to go camping. Yeah. So my day was a bit skew-iff yesterday. Yeah, because you two are not working tomorrow. And then, oh, and then do you know what? There was a 2 a.m. fire alarm at the apartment. Yeah. So it was real weird because I saw all these people that live in my building

because I just never see people. Where are you? Yeah, and I was like, oh, they live here. 2 a.m. though. Yeah, and then I couldn't get back to sleep Until like 3 And apparently some water had Dripped onto one of the fire alarm things I don't know It's a fire alarm not a water alarm

Well it messed with the alarm And I was like well someone's got to lose their job Or something over this Because we've been denied sleep Anyway I was very angry It was bad we'll would be burnt alive. I know that's the thing when the alarm's going off.

It's very disorientating. It's like, well, shall I just keep sleeping? Yeah. And put a sock over the alarm? I get that when my standard alarm goes off every morning. I'm like, where am I? Am I dead? How long have I been asleep for?

What year is it? Am I still eight years old? Have I wet the bed? Mummy, I've had a nightmare. I was an adult. Help me. He jokes, but deep down it's a bit of a problem. Alright.

Are you still working on it? Headline. Look, okay, we're going to have two headlines today. Just cut me some slack. Are you really? on it? Headline. Look, okay, we're going to have two headlines today. Just cut me some slack. Are you really? Is that all? Are you serious just going for two headline vibes? And to be honest, there's only one good story in this one.

It's not like you can give him shit, Bourne. Yeah, how many times do you finish your top six literally seconds before it goes to air? All the time. But I love how you operate. But you never know. Headline one, here comes the bridesmaid and headline two robert meets his match and headline three florida bill would ban the banning of plastic straws well that's it's all in the headline there mate yeah i know but i just wanted

to fill out your uh okay you're right you know your quota well which is the bridesmaid one the one we're supposed to pick yeah really hit the bridesmaid i the one we're supposed to pick? Yeah. Really hit the bridesmaid. I mean, yeah, it's definitely the better story. Okay, let's hit it. Right. This last minute skewer. We go to Ohio now. And Carolyn Henney from Ohio knew she was attracted to boys and girls as a teenager. Okay.

That's great, babes. You do you, babes. Yeah. But upon realising these attractions were often at the same time, the 22-year-old discovered she was polyamorous. What is that, man? She's made of plastic. You can be in a relationship with multiple people. But anyway, it wasn't until a wedding that she met a couple

and entered into a relationship with them. On the wedding day? Yeah. No, wait, wait, wait, wait. Not the couple that were getting married. Yeah. Just another couple at the wedding. She's with them.

The couple getting married? Yeah, she's with them. Oh, what? And everyone's on board with it. Because this happens in New Zealand. I've seen like 60 Minutes or whatever and they talk to them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're just like yeah yeah yeah but they're always a bit

on their wedding night weird so like did she join them on their wedding night yeah is this her way of getting out

of having to give a gift yes good idea she's like I didn't go to the gift table but if you guys want you can just have me

yeah well they live together now, so happily ever after. What? Great. That's weird. Got a picture there? I feel like you got a picture there. Oh, yeah, nah. Not for me. Fine. They are as exactly what I thought.

You can't just say that people... What? They're exactly what I thought they'd look like. Show me. Sort of like librarian. Oh, don't say yeah. No, but what you mean is you wouldn't expect it from them. No, that's exactly what I'd expect from them. They are younger than I thought they would be.

I was talking about this to somebody last week. Was it you that I was talking about? Maybe. I was talking about at school, the cool kids, like the good at sports kids and the good looking kids when you're in high school, they're getting action. Yeah. And then there's this middle ground of like awkward, but not like super nerdy teens.

Yeah. That was me and my friends and we never got any action. Yeah. And then the nerds, they were at it. Like the full nerds. Right. At it. No, and remember I said I was the duff

So I was like the duff of the cool group So I wasn't getting any So yeah you're like me You were in this Twilight zone of not getting any And you know Being a bit awkward about it But yeah the nerds

And that's kind of that vibe I was getting off them there Right okay It's 11 past 6 If you like posting letters If you're 80 Then I've got terrible news I posted one today.

It was a form and it's like, I'd sent it as a PDF and they were like, no, you have to mail it. I hate that. What? Is it a government department? Yeah. Ah, get with the times. The paperwork involved. I sent you a PDF. It's bureaucratic red tape. Absolute nonsense.

The New Zealand Post. Yep. The New Zealand Post. The New Zealand Post Yep The New Zealand Post The New Zealand Post Well they're still around There's only one of them You couldn't say Ah New Zealand Post

You could just say New Zealand Post Yeah yeah Coming from the guy That always says The Broods Instead of Broods Yep

I shan't be taking Your slack on using The use of The The definitive You better sort it out Because Georgia from Broods Joins us later on the show

With a special announcement Georgia from the Broods I don't know why I sounded angry about that out because Georgia from Broods joins us later on the show with a special announcement. Georgia from the Broods. I don't know why I sounded angry about that. The Georgia from our Broods. The Georgia from our Broods. So, New Zealand Post has announced there's going to be another price hike in letters. The last one was only, what, last year? It feels like, yeah, very recently.

So, it's going to increase. I don't know what it's at at the moment. It feels like it's... They got rid of FastPost. That's gone. That's gone. So, it's going to increase. I don't know what it's at at the moment. It feels like it's... They got rid of fast post. That's gone. That's gone. So it's going to be $1.30. You just posted a letter today.

Oh, yeah, but when you buy stamps, they don't have any price on them. Because they change the price so often. And it just says on the back, one stamp will be valued to whatever it is at the time. Yeah. Right. But if you've got an old stamp that's worth $0.45,

you're going to have to really put a roll with them. Put a few on. Westfail chipped when you had an old stamp and you'd put it on, you'd put on more than what was required. But there was no refund. No, they weren't giving you a refund. There was no credit to your name. Well, you know, since we've moved rurally,

we can do that thing where we pop a letter in the letterbox and put the flag up and they take it from your letterbox. I always wondered what the flags were growing up as a kid. Oh, I thought it was when the postie was telling you that you've got mail. That you've got mail. No, it's when you're telling them that you've got mail for them to take. Because I grew up doing that and then learnt from my town friends that, no, you had to take it to a designated postbox. I was like, you guys have been ripped off.

You guys have been absolutely jerks. I'm going to put the flag up when I come like, you guys have been ripped off. You guys have been absolutely jerks. I'm going to put the flag up when I come over to your place just to trick them. But you better put something in there to send to somebody. Right.

It'll cost you $1.30 as from the 1st of July this year. But I wouldn't get mail at all now. All the bills are email. Electronic. The odd thing you'll get and maybe it's spam mail. Oh, I got my registration

sent by the mail. They still do the car registration. They still do that. That annoys me. Surely you can get that in email. Yeah, we get an email as well, but we still get the paper. No, but you have to slide it in your wee pocket on your car window. Oh, they do have to send something. Oh, yeah, they do. Or you can get it at the post shop.

But then you go to the post shop. Oh, yeah, then you've got to line up. And then you've got to be using the mail. Yeah. Because you're going to be lining up with the 80-year-olds that are still using the mail. Because they don't know how to work internet banking. They got you. Oh, bless.

They got you. And you can't print off your own registrations at home. This isn't Northland. No. Well, you don't even need a warrant. Oh, that's a warrant. You're talking registration. The warrant should stick with the hole punch, don't it?

Yeah. From the ZM Think Tank, this is The Top Six. Hello there and welcome to The Top Six. Today, dealing with the fact that the Cook Islands are looking to change their name. It could be a possibility. Named after Captain Cook, who did stuff. Travelled around in a boat. He didn't discover New Zealand.

That was Abel Tasman. Yes. But Abel Tasman just drew a squiggly line, and then he was like, let's go home. I don't know about you guys, but I've had a gutsful. I want to see my wife. I want to see my family. I'm Abel Tasman, damn it. And then Captain Cook mapped New Zealand, didn't he?

Yeah. And discovered some other South New Zealand, didn't he? Yeah. And discovered some other South Pacific islands on the Endeavour. Met his match, though, in the Sandwich Islands, didn't he? Yes, modern day Hawaii. He was eaten, or so the story goes. I believe stewed. Stewed. Like their version of a crock pot. Well, he would have been very gristly and salty after that much time at sea.

Very tough to eat. You would want a slow roast on that. Like corned beef because he'd been salted for so long. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him, drown him in a broth and then just cook him in the broth. Probably a great idea, actually.

So the Cook Islands, considering a name change, it's named after Captain Cook. But, you know, maybe a new name that reflects its Polynesian identity and something that's a bit more reflective of itself now. So I've got the top six suggestions for the Cook Islands. Can I say, like, I don't want anyone to think I don't like the Cook Islands

because I love the Cook Islands. Oh, well, you've been, haven't you? I love Rarotonga. When we went back, when we were there at the same time as you got engaged there, right? Yeah. I loved it.

Yeah. I bloody loved it because I wasn't staying around at Club Raro this time. Club Raro's the entry-level package hotel, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But go for a Murray Beach if you've not been there before. The other side. The other side of the Murray. Absolutely beautiful beach.

So the top six New Dames of the Cook Islands. Number six, the... Islands. Number six, the... Islands. That translates to, did you see that fish? Was that a Nemo? Islands.

That's you because you think you've seen a Nemo, but it's just a bit of rubbish Number 5 on the list of the top 6 new names for the Cook Islands they're not the Cock Islands

although interestingly enough their website address is .co.ck yeah .co.ck so it looks like it says that

Number 5 on the list of the top 6 new names for the Cook Islands I've always wanted to go to Atutaki. Oh shit, that's expensive. Maybe next time. Every time I've been, I'm like

Atutaki. I'd love to go to Atutaki. I'd love to go to Atutaki. Atutaki looks absolutely divine. Oh shit, that's expensive. No, no, maybe we'll save up more next time. We'll go to Atutaki. At'll go to Etutake. Etutake?

Etutake. It does look beautiful, though. It does. I've had friends that have gone. It's just so beautiful. I have friends that have gone. It looks lovely. Well, yeah, I haven't gone.

I don't even know anyone that's gone. It's too expensive. I know two Cook Islanders. Both of them have family land on Etutake, but I don't know if it's one of those mysterious, you know, family land on Atutaki but I don't know if it's one of those mysterious you know family land like they've got a one two hundred

and eighty fourth share of this land like some great grandad owned it and so it's getting smaller and smaller every generation but okay

number four on the list of the top six new names to the Cook Islands the scooter with no helmets islands every time you're like no this time

if we hire a scooter definitely get a helmet I've seen some bloody horrific billboards well that was a the scooter with no helmet silence. Every time you're like, no, this time if we hire a scooter, definitely get a helmet. I've seen some bloody horrific billboards. Well, that was a member in episode of Shortland Straight. Yeah, someone had an accident on an island. They dealt with that. That's right. And it's a real problem.

Because you should see their hospital. That's a good thing to think. Maybe I should wear a helmet. Go and see their hospital. It's up on the hill. It's very basic. It looks like a Tikiwiti motel, one of those cinder block motels. You see in a small town.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And there's chickens out the front. Chickens in the car park. Yeah. And the doctors. The chickens. The chickens are the doctors. You walk in, you're like, hi, I think I need to see a doctor.

That's the doctor getting called to triage. A doctor, triage, please, doctor, doctor. Again, this is coming from a place of love because we all love the Cook Islands. Massive fans. Massive fans. Seems to be the problem. We did stop outside the hotel and the hospital

and there were chickens. 100% chickens. Yeah, there were chickens and ice there. And the outside building, there were people waiting. It can't have obviously been like an intensive care area, but there were people waiting and there were chickens wandering in and out the door. Okay. But then, just got on lunch, baby.

But then that's when we realised they were the doctors, so that made perfect sense. Number three on the list of the top six new names for the Cook Islands, the menu is pretty much deep fried with cheese on it, Islands. Yeah. Because that's the good thing about it. Lots of deep fried stuff and they're not afraid of a smattering of cheese.

Even though it's so expensive. I know. Yeah. But they put it on so much. Love it. Not complaining. Love it. What are those? The fries, but they made them of taro and another root vegetable. I think they call them Cook Island

Fries or Island Fries. I haven't had that. That's so good. Oh, my Lord. Number two on the list of the top six new names for the Cook Islands, the funny-looking dog islands. Yeah. There's a rumour, right, about the Queen's dog. We only learnt this very recently.

So there's a rumour that when the Queen went to the Cook Islands, she had her corgis with her. And when they landed, the corgi went missing for a few hours. And then when it came back, they were like, where have you been? And it was like, whew. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. And then all these weird looking dogs started popping up and they think they've got

corgi legs. They love to tell you this, but it's not true. No. It's not true. It's just horrific inbreeding. But it's also no, it's a lot of cross pollinating. Yeah. Odd dogs. Odd dogs. Very odd dogs. Like, is that dog okay? Because it's tails at a right angle.

That's just that dog. Some of the doctors are taller than the dogs. The chickens. The chicken doctors. Yeah. Because they're so low and long. Yeah. But they're not sausage dogs. No. That's bizarre. They look like someone's just been

a kid's been in charge of drawing a dog and then that dog becomes real. Yeah. But again, place of love. Love the islands.

Love the islands. Love Rarotonga. And the number one on the top six new names of the Cook Islands minor change the Cookie Islands

because everyone loves cookies, and round islands look a little bit like cookies. Yep, yep. And then it's just a slight rebrand, guys. It's a good idea, that one. It's a great idea, that one. Cookie Islands.

Fresh. Hasn't been mentioned. Fresh like cookies. Okay. Not as far as I know. Okay. It's not been floated, but those are the ideas I had today

for today's top six. It's being reported that millennials, because a lot of them are doing low carb diets, are getting constipated or having bowel problems. Because there's, is it the fibre that they're missing out on? No fibre, not enough. But then I mean, oh yeah because people steer clear of fruit don't they? Yeah too much fruit. Too much sugar. Too much sugar.

Too much sugar. So yeah, it's apparently causing a lot of problem. A survey in the UK found more than 67% of millennials have been experiencing stomach issues, such as bloating, constipation and diarrhea. The number is more than double that of adults of all ages, with only 33% from older generations experiencing the same issues. I thought that like eating lots of bread,

but they're not talking about bread, are they? They're talking about healthy carbs. That would like bloat you. Yeah. I don't know. So another study found that only 8% were actually hitting their target of fibre, daily fibre. Right. Not eating enough bran flakes.

I had bran flakes this morning. Did you? Yeah. You're always pooping though. Thank you. You're always, you must poop like rabbit amounts. No, I don't. It's because I go to the toilet and if there's people in there, I'm like, I can't go.

And then you've got to come back and you're like, I need to go poop again when there's nobody there. Another separate study found that one in six people aged 18 to 34 are on a low-carb diet. And one third of millennials said they'd like to be on one. But maybe

this got sidetracked. In principle, this sounds great. So this is because, you know, we talked about the keto crotch the other day. Yep. And somebody messaged in saying it's a Weight Watchers smear campaign. Really? Because since keto's kind of hit the headlines and pretty much been paleo with a bit of marketing, right? Yeah.

And a bit of a refreshed look. So people were saying Weight Watchers have been losing out because people can lose weight their own way now. And so they started smear campaigns. Right. I mean, it sounds like a wild conspiracy at this stage. It does, it does. Apparently weight watchers are just like, you don't want to smelly.

You don't want to smelly crotch. I don't know what to do. Because then it said, Kate, high protein diets this week can shorten your life. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know what to do. But then you eat too many carbs and, you know. Yeah, but I think you're supposed to eat, like, a balanced amount of carbs.

You have all the yucky carbs. I know, yeah. What about the mashed potato with butter? And pasta. And fried chips. Yeah. Pasta. Chivvies.

Yeah. Biscuits, cake. What are good carbs? Can they make oil out of kale or something Like So we can deep fry stuff And like Something healthy

So it's got a kale vibe Yeah Whole grains Is that where the fibre is? What are they? Bran Bran breads I always buy brown bread

Yeah So you're alright then I've got only white bread Am I alright now? I think you're alright Yeah alright You don't have any problem though Do you?

Pooping Yeah you're pretty If I'm away from home Oh right Your any problem though, do you? Pooping. Yeah, you're pretty. If I'm away from home. Oh, right. Your body shuts up. My body's like, I'm not pooping here. I've never been to Cinque Terre. I just had to look up how to say it.

I've done a YouTube tutorial. Cinque Terre. Is it Italy? It's Italian, yes, correct. It's a five fishing villages linked. They're kind of on the cliffs. It looks beautiful. You would have seen it.

Everyone's seen that photo. Very colourful, very beautiful, and it's linked by a path. You can walk all five. Cinque terre. And enjoy different villages, different fish specialities. Okay. Because I can't see why you'd walk it without stopping at each one to get a small snack.

Yeah, delicious wine. Nuts not to. Okay. Well, New Zealanders are amongst the problem, though, and fines are going to be dished out this season, this tourist season, which, by the way, starts very soon. Okay. They're expecting 750,000 cruise passengers this year at Jinkotere.

That's so many. That's way up on last year. They had 450,000 this year and, an expected and estimated 750,000, and then more coming by the train that runs the coast as well. It doesn't look that big. Cinque Terre. No, it's not massive, but there's five of them, but the footpaths are always very busy.

But the fines will be dished out for people who are ill-prepared, footwear-wise, for walking the five former fishing villages linked track. Right. The local authorities are sick of having to deal with people who set out who are just wearing like flip-flops or jandals, as we call them here. The story keeps referring to them as flip-flops. Flip-flops, pumps.

What are pumps? Just heels. Just ordinary heels. And sandals. So if you're wearing... But then I would have thought a sandal, that's a good hike in footwear. That's got strapping. They're not doing that and heels, are they?

Like, I would know better than that. Yeah, that would be a fool's... Even jandals when you're going on a big, you know, day... Yeah. No, I'd rather have shoes. I back myself as a walker in jandals but stairs and stuff it'd just be much easier to wear a good pair of shoes but then sandals

I'd wear a sandal and Tananya you're going on a little European something is there a wedding or something? no I'm just very wealthy and it's time for another holiday yes queen are you going to Cinque Terre?

si are you actually going here? Yeah. I know you said you were going to Rome. You're going to Rome and Florence. Yes. I fly into Florence and then I hop on the train to Cinque Terre. Oh, Cinque Terre. Did you choose this because it's going to look good on Instagram? Oh, you know it.

It's not the sort of the travelling pants the way that was Grease that Alexis Bedell's character went to. Yeah. That'll be the next trip. Yeah, chinkatata, here we come. How much time did you get off? Three weeks.

You know that she works while we're away, eh? When we have holidays, she doesn't have holidays. Someone's got to hold this place together. Does this radio station happen when we're away? Do they like keep it going when we're not here? That's pretty cute. The world still functions, you know?

Does it? Yeah. Does it? Unbelievable. After you all go on the turn of the moon, it'll still function. No, I don't think it will. An Australian woman has been fined 1200 Australian dollars. 1250 New Zealand dollars.

Have we got a good exchange rate at the moment? Oh yeah, it's real good at the moment. Is it really good at the moment for the Australian dollar? Really good. We need to go shopping in Malb's. Remember a while ago you'd go to Aussie for the weekend and it was like 70 something cents and you'd be like buying clothes. You'd be like, I regret this instantly. Yeah.

NZ dollar too. Everybody just hang their tight for a second. 96 Australian cents. Oh yeah, good. 96 Australian cents. If you've got a hundred bucks, that's 96 Australian dollars. That's pretty good. Yeah, but it's so much better than it's been before. What calls that? For more on this economic

situation, play by play, we've crossed a fletch at the ASB business desk. I think that there are economies just going down the gurgler mate that'll teach you yeah well the team's rubbish we're close is rubbish we're closely linked in all their banks on our bank oh no maybe don't wish that too much don't tell the stock exchange Stock exchange or the currency thing. We might go down to. And an Australian mother's been fined $1,200 Australian dollars because of, it was in the news a while back, but her son was on the roof of the car. There's actually footage of this. She was driving up to, I believe, 100 Ks.

Yeah, and her four-year-old was sat on the roof of her car. Four-year-old? Apparently, four years old, in nappppies as she raced through the city. But there was some kind of basket on top, wasn't there? It was like a roof rack. It's like when you're going away and you see those

fuel, fuel, fuel, fuel roof racks. Yeah. And it had a little basket that sits in that. And the baby's like,

woo! Shaka bra! Does she say in the court appearance, I'm little Timmy and welcome to Jackass. Does she say like, does she just forget? Like a handbag, but it's a kid. Just sit up there for a second, Timmy, while I sort out the car. Yeah, she's like, I didn't even know I was there.

Oh my God. Coffee and Timmy on the roof. Yeah, chuck him back in the car. Yeah, she's like, I don't even know who's there. Oh, my God. Coffee and Timmy on the roof? Yeah, chuck him back in the car. And then he was unrestrained with the two other kids that were like, through the car. So, yeah, she got in trouble. So there were two other kids in the car. Were they not like, Mom, Timmy's on the roof?

No, if your brother was stuck on the roof when you were a kid, would you have said anything? No way. If my sister was on the roof, my brother and I would have been like, just play it cool. I'd have been like, mum, mum, Scott rolled off around the corner when you went round real fast. How long did you know I was up there for?

Well, since we left, but I thought it was a fun game. Obviously, I didn't say anything. Come on. But I mean, it's a little different when you leave your Starbucks frappuccino or your handbag on the roof. That's way worse because it can't hold on and you break and it goes on your windscreen. Yeah.

What a waste. What a waste. Just last week, I saw someone pulling out of a petrol station with, like, a whole bunch of stuff on the roof, like jackets and everything. And I was like, excuse me, excuse me. And they looked and I was like, pointed up at their roof and they thought I was pulling the fingers,

so they pulled the fingers back. And I was like, hey, look, you're on your own. I tried. I tried. And I looked and I was like, pointed up at their roof. And they thought I was pulling the fingers. So they pulled the fingers back. And I was like, hey, look, you're on your own. I tried. I tried. I pointed up like this. And it must have looked like I was going like this. So I don't think we're going to be leaving a baby, a four-year-old, on the roof of your car. But we do want to take your calls right now on 0800-DARS-AT-M and 9696.

You can text. What did you leave on the roof of your car? And bonus points if it stayed on there, like the baby did. Or maybe you lost it and it was gone. I mean, I lost a cell phone that way a long time ago when I did have a car. That's the classic. But now it's absolutely glued to your hand all the time, so you'd know. Well, you'd know as soon as you got in the car.

So it's back in the day of pre-dependency. Yeah, when you'd only look at your phone if you had a text. Yeah, pre-pictures, eh? Pre- only look at your phone if you had a text. Yeah. Pre-pictures, eh? Pre-Facebook and everything on you. Oh, those were better days, weren't they? No. No.

No, they weren't. What have you left on the roof of your car? Oh, $800 at M9696. Mum of the year left her four-year-old on the roof of her car in a basket. Up to 100Ks she drove. The kid didn't fall off, though. No, we can laugh because it happened a she drove. The kid didn't fall off. No, we can laugh because it happened a while ago. The kid's fine.

But she, I think she got off lightly just to fine. That was all. But it was an accident. Yeah, $1,200 fine. Well, of course it was an accident. Oh, $1,200. But still. Kendall, what did you leave on the roof of your car? I left my

Apple MacBook. my laptop. Oh, okay. Did that slide off? No, it didn't. So I was driving home from uni, and to my home where my parents live, and it was about an hour drive. Yeah.

And it wasn't even on the roof of my car. It was on the spoiler bit on the back of my car. Oh, wow. Because I'm just looking at the bottom of mine, and it's kind of got some rubbery dots. Yeah, but there's... So it doesn't slide. My rubbery dots have all fallen off.

Yeah. What's the heck? The rubbery dots are still on there, but it was half off it. So by the time I got there, it was... I went to get something out of the boot, and I was like, oh, my gosh, that's my laptop. I know, because they're not cheap. They're not cheap either, are they?

No, but, yeah, I was already thinking of a plan B, because they're not cheap. They're not cheap either, are they? No, but yeah, I was already thinking of a plan B, like insurance or... Yeah. Wow, and it was still on there. Alright, thanks for your call. Rebecca, what did you leave on your roof? This was going a few years back, but I just saved up really hard and bought myself the Galaxy

S5. Oh, okay, yeah. And we're up to the 10 now. I know, I've got to wait till next year so I can, okay. Yeah. And we're up to the 10 now. Yeah, okay. I know. I've got to wait till next year so I can get it. Okay. But yeah, I filled up with petrol at a petrol station in Green Lane, the BP. I was coming home from Cornwall Park. Okay.

I know that BP. That's a pretty good one. That's a good coffee, BP. Okay, yeah. And I got home and I was like, oh, I need to ring someone. I was like, where the hell's my phone? So I emptied out the entire contents of my car. Still couldn't find. Okay, yeah. Okay. Wow. So you've been driving Around quite a bit Yeah I went Went from Green Lane To St Heliers

And then Yeah I think I even Went to the supermarket too Did it have like A cover on it To stop it sliding It had like It had a rubber one

I don't know why Yeah It wasn't on a case Or anything But it was Yeah just a cheap So that'll help Alright Rebecca

Thanks you called Some text messages Somebody said My flat mate Left her lunch on the roof. It was a leftover butter chicken. Driving to work. At work, she thought she'd forgotten her lunch. Two days later, her boyfriend came to the house

and asked why she had a butter chicken on the roof of her car. She's like, oh, my God. So she drove half an hour to work and half an hour home for two days. Is she short? Yeah, see, one of my cars that would work because I can't see like if I put it up above my head, I couldn't see the roof.

Because otherwise, like you have to crouch to get into your car. Yeah. Like how are you not seeing? Was there a naan as well? No word of a naan. No word of a naan. But other Tupperware container issues. Somebody said I had a very large Tupperware container full of grapes I'd just picked that I left on the top of a car.

Who's being that fancy? They said a very expensive, very large Tupperware container. Okay. And that survived. That was still there when I stopped. I was like, oh, that's lucky. A grape escape. Somebody.

Okay. Yeah. I'm a photographer. After a 12-hour event shoot, I left the site with an $8,000 camera sitting on the roof of the car. As I was driving out, I saw a security guard step towards my car and he just put his arm out and he grabbed the camera off the roof while I was driving.

Yeah. And I stopped and I was like, what are you doing? And he's like, this camera was on the roof of your car. And I said to him, thank you so much. Thank you so very much. I owe you a beer. I owe you all the beers. Not all heroes wear capes. No. Some wear

red badge security high-vis vests. Lots of people leaving things on the roof of their car. We talked about this when it was in the news and it was kind of big headlines for a while, that Finnish backpacker and self-confessed hard worker, Mari Vahanen, was in Australia, and she said... Mari.

Mari. Not Marie. Mari. I just tried to flash it up a bit. Oh, okay. She's Finnish. Do they not say Marie in Finland? Pardon me?

Do they not say Marie in Finland? No me? Do they not say Marie in Finland? No, I wouldn't imagine so. Okay. Marie. I'm just trying to think of how the Swedish chef, he goes, a little Marie. Marie. Marie.

Marie. That's probably on point. That's exactly how her mum calls her. Marie. So, hey, it's not racist because they're white too. It's white. It means it. I can't get stillies.

That's not the thing. Is it? Okay. Is it? So she was a Finnish backpacker. She said, I've been in Australia for two years. I'm looking to move to New Zealand in two weeks. Reliable, hardworking, fit, as I've got a background in personal training.

Motivated. I've got common sense, which people love seeing written down on a CV, don't they? They do. Fluent and common sense. Always up for a challenge. Great with machinery and animals. So the idea was she wanted a farm job. Yeah.

And so this led to quite a lot of lewd comments, which we talked about at the time. 1,600 comments on the post, ranging from what is described as mild to indecent. I'll buy a farm and start a farm just to get you along. Yeah, she got 50 legitimate job offers, though. 50? Yeah, 50 legitimate job offers. I still reckon more than half of those the wife wouldn't have known about.

So, yeah, that whole explain it when they get there. Yeah. Oh, shit, no. I thought Murray was a lad. I had no idea she was this hot. Absolutely no idea. She intended to arrive in New Zealand this week. Okay.

However, her plans have changed. She said, Australia was my first option. I wanted to stay here, but my visa was about to run out, so I thought I'd try what New Zealand is like. But she's been able to stay in Australia instead. Good work, everyone. We creeped her out. We totally did.

We creeped her out. Way too strong. Nobody would have come after that. No. Like, that was quite horrific. How many comments would there have been? And she said she didn't go and read all the comments, but she would have been well aware that we were all talking about it.

1,600 comments were on the post. Imagine you haven't even gone to a country and everyone's talking about you and creeping on you. If we could just... Tone it down. Tone it. Pull it right back. Yeah. Pull we could just... Tone it down. Tone it right, pull it right back.

Yeah. Pull it right back in with the creepiness. Right. So, not coming at all. Not at this stage, no. Staying in Australia. Good work. Good work.

Good work. Yeah, I never got to the end of whether or not Dad was allowed a farm hand. Right. With that situation, Mum probably would have said something like, go, let him make a fool of himself. Good. Mum probably would have said something like,

go, let him make a fool of himself. Good luck to him. Oh, good luck to him. He can try. Just make a fool of himself. Oh, Ian. I have never, a segment of the show

where we give people their firsts and we have taken people for their first fried chicken ever at the age of 28. Their first hydra slide. First hydra slide. Yep. Last week, somebody set foot on the, at 32 years of age, set foot on the South Island for the very first time in their life. Well, you've been missing out.

Went and saw whales as well recently. That's right. That was a pretty good one. That was a big one. Well, that was kind of our first day. Yeah. Wales in the wild. Yeah, but Lydia tried to go like three times.

But yesterday we took Jess. Yes, and this one, we had to cram in the back of her car. We are in the back seat of Jess's silver Volkswagen Polo. Golf? Golf. Golf.

Yes, if you're thinking that, boys have already brought that up with her. The engine light is on, but we're told that that's not critical. Expensive car defects. The adhesive that holds the material to the roof also falling down, but you know, that's what happens when you buy a Volkswagen Golf. Now, Jess, complete the sentence.

I am Jess. I have never been through a car wash. Why? Well, I grew up rurally, so... Been through a car wash. Why? Well, I grew up rurally, so we just always did it ourselves. But what about how long have you lived in Auckland then? A year. Oh, right, and you just haven't washed your car in a year? No, I just go to those places where you do it yourself.

Oh, yep. What are you expecting from the car wash today? Well, I don't know. I wore some active wear because I thought, you know, I should be more... All right, well, without any more chit-chat, should we get into this car wash? Oh, did we get the car aerial down? Yes. Yes, I unscrewed it. Now, this is a thing you won't have experienced before, but you drive through until it says stop. So see that light that says forward?

Yep. Forward. All right. Forward. Slow down, slow down, slow down. Forward. No, keep going. Forward. Forward. forward forward forward forward and now you

turn off the car and we sit pretty here we go well there's some spray I can't see much I thought there would be more of a visual experience this is foaming the car this might be the pre- wash it's been a while since I've done a car wash really yeah you don't have a car oh you're true you get very wet on your bike

oh my hair isn't banging is that good is something falling off when it's blowing it's actually important to turn the key on two clicks. We also need to equalise the car pressure so you need to wind your window down just like 15 centimetres. Are you sure? Yep, 100. Yeah, you boys are gonna do this! Window's open! Break off the blowers! Oh my god!

Ahhh! Yes! Oh, drips are on my face! I feel alive! There we go, finishing up. How was your first ever car wash? I will be phoning my mum and telling her about it. She deprived you of so much of your childhood by not doing this earlier. And a first for me,

because I've never done a car wash with the windows down. No, I've always wanted to. Yesterday I did. I was like, what's on my car? Not nearly as blowy as I thought it would be. No, well, because it blows from the top. And I'm glad that was cold air. I wasn't sure if that was going to be hot air or cold.

Oh, yeah. I've never really thought about that. Yeah. Well, very, I'd say, overwhelming for Jess that moment yesterday at the car wash. If you've got a first. But also,

not like the super greatest clean. I always find that you go through an automatic car wash, it's not going to do as good a job as you can do on the driveway

with a sponge and a bucket. That takes a lot of effort, doesn't it? It does. If you've got a first, something you've never done that you'd like to do with us, go to ZM Online and register.

ZM presents Broods. We've got a huge, big announcement to make right now. With the help of Georgia from Broods, good morning. Good morning. Now, you guys are from Nelson, and we are today talking about Nelson. Would you like to tell us what you and your brother are going to do for Nelson? I would love to tell you guys what me and my brother are going to do for Nelson, our hometown. Nelson.

We are going to do a charity gig for all the beautiful people that help keep the fires under control and all the people that work to help everybody out that needed to get evacuated and all that because we're over here and we're like looking at all these fires and we're like, we want to help. We're going to sing some songs because that's the only thing we know how to do. This is awesome though because I'm obviously from Nelson too and it affected my auntie and uncle, it affected my brother and they did such an amazing job. Did it have any effect on your family?

Yeah, my cousins had to get evacuated a couple of times and yeah, I was getting like a lot of Snapchat stories of fires that were a little bit too scarily close to her house. It's such a small community, everybody's feeling it. So they pretty much burned from the 6th of February

to the 27th of February so that's three weeks of burning that's how long the state of emergency was going at 2,400 hectares was the area burned

which is a huge amount of our property and those firefighters did a legendary job and that's pretty small yeah and that's the thing you saw the firefighters,

you saw the helicopters on the news, but behind, you know, involved in that were just so many emergency service workers, their families, people helping out behind the scenes you probably didn't see on the news. So this is a chance to, I guess, give back to them. Now, tickets won't be on sale for this gig, but Air New Zealand, who are helping get you guys over from

LA, will have tickets, and we here at ZM as well will have tickets as well to give out. Yeah, it's going to be good. I think we haven't played a gig in Nelson for a while, and it's really nice to go back and do something like this, where we can just kind of offer some free music to people

and give back to the community that raised us basically, so it's going to be special. Yeah. And the event as well will be streamed at the Herald website as well for those that obviously can't get to Nelson or can't see that. And it's going to be happening on March the 21st, which is the Thursday night.

Hey, well, we'll have all the details at ZM Online and we look forward to seeing you soon. Not too far away at all. Yeah, thank you so much. You guys. Yeah, sure. It's the end of the month, guys. We'll see you there.

It'll be here before you know it. FM. Do you know, I just took the opportunity of the brood song to scoot to the kitchenette here at work. Yeah. I was making a porridge. Okay. From a sachet.

Okay. So I put it in the microwave and I pressed go and then I ran to the toilet and I came back and I opened the microwave and on top of my porridge which had just stopped short of overflowing which is you always feel like you've

mission impossible'd it when you didn't get an overflow there was a mystery green leaf now that wasn't on there when I put it in there it looked like it had fallen off the roof of the microwave at some stage during the cooking process.

Right. This is a work microwave. I know, I know. And I looked and I was like, I'm very hungry. And so I took the bowl out and upon further examination, it was definitely a green leaf, which I don't know how that came loose. Who's microwaving salad? Leafy greens. No, more of a spinachy stir fry-esque.

Oh, yeah. So I heated up my vegetarian curry yesterday. It had kale on it. It might have got away. It may have been kale. Are you heating with a lid on you? Nah. It's not my microwave.

Whoa. Someone's playing fast and loose with work microwaves. Unbelievable. You don't reheat a curry without a glad wrap or a cling film. I mean, I know the environment's... It's the work microwave. Do you know, I got around a bit last week to some different studios I mean, I know the environment. It's a work microwave. Do you know, I got around a bit last week to some different studios

and offices we have around the country. One of the microwaves are opened and I went, like that. And someone in the office says, yes, sorry about that. Someone is heating up cat food. Well, when we were on air so I had to get back to the studio, I was like, don't go anywhere because there's a lot of follow-ups

that need to take place about why and I never got an answer because I went back and they were gone. Is there a cat that hangs around the office and they heat up cat food? I don't know. Like a hedgehog? Someone was bringing a hedgehog in because, you know, but then it can eat room temperature

cat food. But then so can cats. Famously, famously they'll eat room temperature cat food. It doesn't need to be warmed. So yeah, I never got to the bottom of that. There's so many questions. What city was this? I don't want to microwave shame anybody. Right.

Get to the bottom of the masses. Follow up, yeah. Yesterday, I went to pick Indy up from school. This is our daughter, seven year old, so yeah. Three. Three. Yep. Yeah.

And I walked up to her classroom and she's like, hey, Dad. And she's standing there in her school uniform with a towel wrapped around her bottom half. And I said, what's she got the towel on for? She's like, I've just been swimming. I said, oh, okay, have you not dried yourself properly? She's like, oh, no, I've lost my pants. But by pants, does she mean like bottoms? Shorts, yeah, she wears shorts to school.

She had undies on and a towel wrapped around her. I was like, oh, my God, where are they? She's like, well, I don't know because I've lost them. And I was like, you've got a good point there, actually, by saying. God, it's always the first thing someone says, I've lost something. Well, where is it? I don't know. And I did it.

I did it. I said, where is it? Isn't that like a reoccurring dream you have about being naked in places? Naked coming to school, going to school or coming to work. Yeah. Yeah, and I have to hide under the radio desk and do my show under there. And just hope no one walks past the window outside and sees the... Yeah.

I don't know how I got here or got home. We certainly wouldn't mock you for that at all. I mean, I would personally let you go home and get changed and then be very concerned about your wellbeing, that you got all the way to work before you realised you didn't have clothes on. And I said, where did you last have them? She's like, I don't know. I took them off to go swimming.

I was like, are they down in the swimming shed? And she said again, I don't know, I've lost them. I was like, okay, well, you're standing like in the middle and all the kids are going around her and she's just standing there with a towel. them. I was like, okay, well you're standing like in the middle and all the kids are going around her and she's just standing there with a towel and immediately I was like this is a nickname now. Like this is how she's going to get a nickname. Like Indy No Pants. Yeah, Indy No Pants.

Indy Undies. Indy's Undies. Indy's and her undies. Mindy's a sitter. But these kids were like pretty cool with it. I'm like, man, school's changed. This would have been like a circle of kids if I was seven and lost their pants. No pants. No pants.

No, but they were all just getting on with it because they wanted to go home. I said, well, let's try to find these pants then. She's like, okay. So no, she's not even like fretting at all about not having her pants on. She's got a towel around her. She's just chilling, walking around, holding the towel. And anyway, the shorts were in her bag. Oh, my God.

I literally walked over to her bag and it was open and I could see it. And I was like, are these your shorts? And she's like, ha, there they are. She's definitely your child. Just absolutely nonchalant about this. I was like, go into the bathroom and put them on. She's like, okay. I went to the bathroom, came out,

and her friend's like, Ayla's lost her top. I'm like, oh God, I can't help her. And there's this other kid walking around with a towel. Is anyone's ever top? And these kids are just like, no, have a, no, we'll help you look. I was like, this is great. Because this would have been another one,

another circle of kids. No top, no top. Lost your clothes, lost your clothes. And so I, obviously she might be listening on the way to school now. circle of kids no top no top lost your clothes lost your clothes and so I obviously she might be listening on the way to school now

I didn't want to freak her out at the time but this is how people get nicknames so just be careful with your stuff and especially your name sounds

a bit like undies and so I didn't and then we were walking in the car I was like you didn't seem worried about having lost your pants

she's like no I had to tell. It was all good. She's chill. I know. It was really good in his chill. I think even I would have been quite anxious about that as a kid. Yeah.

But then I thought about all those people who got nicknames at school because of a little mistake they made. Yeah. You know how like silent reading and someone farts? That's it. That was it. Or on the mat. On the mat. On the mat.

So I still remember the kid when we were like six and it was junior class and we went to a small rural school so the six-year-olds were with the five-year-olds and a five-year-old was too nervous to ask the teacher if he could go to the toilet. He just wet his pants sitting on the... It was five and we were all just like, it's on. Your name's like wee-wee pants now.

I farted on the school hall floor and you know how it's wood? Yeah. That was an intermediate. I would have called you vibrato-farto. That would have been a straight off the top. To this day, I always swore it was Corey. I was like, that was totally Corey Bonsall. But it was you.

You sailed Corey down the bloody, did he get a nickname out of it? Farty Corey. No, because he was cool. He could handle that kind of ridicule, you know? I couldn't. I wouldn't have survived that. Like the right kid does a fart and everyone looks and the kid's like, yep. And that, because they've owned it.

Yeah, Corey can handle it. It's the embarrassment and then you're like, it's that animal instinct. To my credit, I didn't chuck it on a weakling. I chucked it on Corey. He's got this. He's got this. He had a bit of cool cred. Yeah. You didn't chuck it on the

kid that was zero cred. Right. Well, we'd like to know this morning, maybe even if you ring and tell us the nickname you had at school, we'll work out how it came to be. We'll guess what it is. Maybe it rhymed with your

name. Yeah. And then you did something and it just was a sitter for life. All right. 0800-DARZITM-9696. Give us a call. Tell us your nickname at school and we'll try and guess how you got it. So you call us 0800-DARZITM with your school nickname and we're going to try and work out how you got it.

Right. This could be awkward, actually. Yeah. Should we start with some texts? Sure. Okay. But also, not all of these texts came with explanations. Oh, okay.

Well, we're going to need a follow-up. Oh, this one's pretty straightforward, though. I was called Lisbian. Oh, because your name is Liz. Liz. Yeah, but then also, maybe there was a... She kissed a girl. Maybe. because her name is Liz. That was Liz. Yeah, but then also maybe there was a... She kissed a girl. Maybe.

You do you. Maybe. My nickname was Ski Jump. Nose. Ski Jump. Oh. Do you know they had a nose that looked like it popped up at the end of a ski jump? Hey, you looked at me like I was teasing someone.

I'm just saying how this name happened. You guys are too good at this game. I would never have called someone ski jump from a nose. I think I've just heard people called ski jump, you know, like it's a nose thing. I think most of the nicknames that we dished out or, you know, doubled down on at school and kept alive were when people made a silly mistake rather than their appearance. So you think that they could have been a ski jump, on a ski jump, and gone wrong? Nah. Highly unlikely.

They might have had a mistake. Yeah, maybe. Maybe, I don't know. Maybe they had really long, no, really long feet. That would have been like flippers or something. No one at your school gave nicknames from appearance. Oh, no, people did. People did.

Oh, yeah, right. But my mum wouldn't let me. That was a go-to for awful children. Oh, it's because I had glasses, and so like four eyes got thrown once and I was like, well, I didn't choose to have these.

Oh yeah, I had braces and I had all of those. Middle mouth train tracks. I'm a 20 year old, 29 year old man. My nickname in high school was Squirt. Was where the guy

called Dribbles. There was a pen accident. Maybe. An ink went everywhere. Hilarious. Where the guy called Dribbles and it was because on his first day of school he drank from the bubble towel and dribbled it down his shirt andious. We had a guy called Dribbles and it was because on his first day of school

he drank from the bubble towel and dribbled it down his shirt and that was it. His nickname was Dribbles forever. I love it. Good morning, Camel. Hi. Camel.

Do you drink lots of water? No, your name's Alice. No, my name's not Alice. Do you drink lots of water? No. Do you have a humpy back? No. Okay, that's not Alice. Do you drink lots of water? No. Do you have a humpy back? No. Okay, that's not it.

Did you survive in the desert for a long time? No. Have you got like a strawberry blonde hair? No. Camel? What are the traits of a camel? Are they spitty? They spit.

Oh, yes, spit. Did you spit? No. Were you predominantly ridden by people of North Africa or the Middle East? No. Didn't turn up to school with an arrow band riding on your back and racing you? No. Okay.

Do you always wear a camelback? Oh, yes. No. I thought I had it. To be honest, if you did, you deserved the nickname. Nothing to do with water or sand? Nothing to do with water or sand. But it is to do with the animal?

It is to do with the animal. I pass. Anything to do with the features of the animal? Is your name Carmel? It is to do with the features of the animal. Oh. Ouch Carmel? It has to do with the features of the animal. Oh. Ouch. Is this horrible?

No, it's not. Oh, okay. Long eyelashes. Is it eyelashes? Is it eyelashes? No. That was the only nice thing I could think about. Okay, you're going to have to put us out of our misery.

Carmel? I took heaps of extra classes, and I carried all my books around in a massive backpack. Yeah, take that, nerd. Yeah, look at you, securing your future. With all your options, like a camel. Oh, wow. So you just had a big backpack.

Everyone had a backpack. Come on. What the hell? All right. Camel. Thanks, Camel. Thanks, Camel. Gaylord, good morning.

Morning, guys. Is this something to do with your name? Yes, it is. Is your surname Gaylord? No, but Gaylord has something to do with it. It's not like Gayford or something, or your name's Gay? No, so my last name's Gillard. Okay.

But back in Intermediate was when Meet the Fookers came out. Oh, Gaylord, yeah, right, right. Yeah. See, Brian thought it would be funny. Well, a group of guys thought it would be, yeah. Oh, Gaylord. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. See, Brian thought it would be funny. Well, a group of guys thought it would be funny to start calling me Gaylord. And it's just stuck. Oh, hilarious.

Yeah. Yeah, that's horrible. Well, it didn't stick for long, but... Okay, good. That's good. Good, okay. Well, you're still remembering it, though, dragging it up.

It's painful, isn't it? Yeah, my partner occasionally calls me it because he finds it funny. You made the mistake of telling him, though. Yeah. That's painful isn't it yeah my partner occasionally calls me up because he finds it funny you made the mistake of telling him though yeah that's on you yeah true all right thank you gaylord um techie good morning good morning all right how did you get your oh t tiki like computer tech tiki yeah like t-e-k-I. Oh, okay. T-E-K-I. Right, so a Maldi spelling. Yeah. Is that a Maldi word? Yep.

Well, there you go, the Google dictionary. It's got the Maldi translation. Okay. What have you found? Does that mean vagina? Yeah. Why did they call you The Heen?

Well because When I was at school My real name's Texas And because I used to get called Tex a lot Yeah Well I don't know Where the hell it come from

It evolved Yeah it just evolved And then it wasn't until I took Māori class And the Māori teacher Got up and Thumped a couple of these kids In class

Because they were calling me Tiki And then I wondered why she did it and it wasn't until she pulled me aside after class and goes look

teksis she goes if I hear those children call you teki again she goes I'll slap you and I say well what does it mean?

She goes it means a female's vagina. As opposed to a male's vagina. Wow. Because I just googled it and

a teki means drift like to move slowly like to move slowly, like to drift down a stream, which is nice. Oh, that's nice. That's nice. We'll go with Tiki on that. We'll go with that one.

Thank you for your call. Texas. Yes, Texas. Somebody said my nickname was Hard On Harry. Always had his hard hat on. There was not an incident. There may have been a public incident. Hard hat. A public incident at There may have been a public incident. Hard hat.

A public incident at school. It's a confusing time. It's a very frustrating time. Sometimes things just pop up. That's a thing, eh? I got called Popeye. I'm a female. Any ideas why?

Just googly eyes? No, like extruding eyes. No, no, no. Large eyes? No. Eat spinach? You'reogly eyes? No, like extruding eyes. No, no, no. Large eyes? No. Eat spinach? You're on the right track, but this is a long trail to go down. I had wonky teeth and one tooth stuck out a little bit and Michael Venus, he's a shame,

there's doxing, doxing Vino, often asked if I opened a can of spinach with my can opener tooth. And who would open, because that's what Popeye did on the... Yeah, yeah, with his teeth opener tooth. And who would open, because that's what Popeye did on the... Yeah, yeah, with his tatch. Unbelievable. That's mean. I hope he's in prison now.

Okay. White collar, not for something horrific. Okay, anyway, moving on. More text messages. He's probably a lovely guy. I used to get Malfoy because I had blonde hair, which was cut in the same style as to get Malfoy because I had blonde hair, which was cut in the same style as Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter,

but I had it well before Harry Potter movies came out. I still can't wear my hair like that anymore because people still say I look like Malfoy. You're like, I was first. Yeah. When I went to boarding school, we had Tangy. That was because of the Tangy odour of his toes. Oh, don't.

Oh, Megan's the same. That we can call Megan Tangy. No. Oh, there was Baby. Baby was a nickname because they had the sweet little baby face. Oh, yeah, well, that's not a bad nickname, is it? No, that's a nice nickname. But when you want to come across as tough and masculine at school,

it's not really. Well, it's not a nickname you'd give to a gang affiliate, is it? Somebody said there was an incident and my nickname was Pooh Bear thereafter. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we know what. Yeah, yeah. There you go.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the Day, this has been part of my life. Okay. Both parts of this have been parts of my life, but individual parts of my life. I had no idea, and today's Fact of the Day is that the Star Wars themes... Excuse me. It was Fletch.

But Megan was thinking it the Star Wars theme song famously the theme tune the theme tune was written in the same key as

the 20th Century Fox fanfare so that when it first aired when it first was in cinemas it would roll into each other huh wanna hear oh yes yeah sure I was just singing it but yep When it first was in cinemas, it would roll into each other. Want to hear?

Oh, yes. Yeah, sure. I was just singing it, but yep. Is it rolling in? It's not rolling in. It's going to go together. You wait. I mean, I wouldn't say that's rolling in. But it's in the same.

Okay, hold on. I'll fast forward it. Hold on. Where does that bit start? Oh, hold on, mate'll fast forward it. Hold on. Where does that bit start? Hold on, mate. 28. 28. 28.

Here we go. Dun, dun, dun. If you'd like to see me DJ in real life, I'm going to be doing a. Seamless. Just while we're here, please Google the flute. Oh, yeah. 20th Century. You know there was a New Zealander that did that, eh? Are you kidding me?

20th Century Fox. Flute. Recorder. It was a recorder. It's because we all did recorder classes. Yeah. I'm sure this was a New Zealander that did this. Okay. Yeah. I'm sure this was a New Zealander that did this. Okay.

Okay. Every time that makes me laugh so much. I love that. This is a saxophone one. Oh. Oh. That actually sounded more like a trumpet. The saxophone might be last.

Here's another one. This must be the saxophone. Oh, I guess it's the trumpet. That's the saxophone. That's the saxophone. I'm good. It's so funny. Still good. Still good. It's so funny. Still good. Still good.

I'm crying. Still good. That was a bit of an effect of the day. Really, it had a little something to it, didn't it? Yeah, didn't it? Yeah. Okay. Good stuff.

So today's fact of the day is Star Wars, if you edit out that gap in the middle bit, the Star Wars theme song is in the same key, so it matches up with the 20th Century Fox intro. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Big fan of sauce on the show. Condiments. Huge fans of condiments.

Yep. This is, and I think it's in America, there's new hybrid Heinzes, they're calling them. So they're blended sauces, blended condiments. We have Heinz Wadis here. It's the same company, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But these sauces, I haven't seen these in the supermarket. No. So as far as I can tell, there's the same company, isn't it? Yeah, yeah. But these sauces, I haven't seen these in the supermarket. No.

So as far as I can tell, there's three of them. There is Mayo Must. That's mustard with mayonnaise? Yeah, thank you. That's a little deduction. Some people might have not known. Must Mayo. Must Mayo.

Mayo Q. Must-o-naise would have been a better name. Must-o-naise. Must-o-naise. Mayo Q. Which is barbecue. Barbecue with mayo. Yeah. And Mayo Chip. What? Mayo Chip. Mustard nays Mustard nays Mayo Q Which is barbecue Barbecue with mayo Yeah And mayo chip

What? Mayo chip Mayo chip Chop Chop Oh like chipotle Ketchup Ketchup

That's right it's called a ketchup So I've mentioned this before In South America it's huge And I don't know why it's not a thing here Because we love both tomato sauce in New Zealand And we're huge mayo fans And mayo fans. But in America, it's called salsa risata.

And it is just mayonnaise and tomato sauce. And it is so yum because you dip your empanadas. Oh, yeah, empanadas. Anything kind of fried and chips. It's so yum, but it's not a thing here. I don't know why it's not. So because we don't have it here, we've brought in all the different condiments we need to mix our own.

Just to give it a little try. So I've got some mayonnaise, and I'm actually going to mix it with... Do we have any hot sauce? And it's Best Foods too. It's Best Foods mayo. Brilliant. Do you have any hot sauce?

Sponsoring the comedy gala too. I don't know about my ratios. I always ask for hot sauce when we go out, so much so that my kids have even preempted me now with when we order, and they'll say, and my dad wants hot sauce. Because I have hot sauce with every meal. And once I put the hot sauce into the small ramekin that was holding the aioli, and the lady working there said, what are you doing?

And I said, I'm making hot sauce aioli. It's delicious. And she was like, amazing. I'd never even thought of it. And I thought, surely. I'm just mixing a little hot sauce aioli. That's a market we could totally get on. So the mayo queue is what I'm making here. You've gone,

it's quite a lot of mayo. See, I didn't know the ratio. You can have some more barbecue sauce. It depends what the star of the show is. The mayo's got to be the star of the show. Nah, I think you've nailed it. You did like a 60% mayo to 40% barbecue. I did actually. Really good. Dip your finger in that and try the mayo cuvon.

I mean, this is great radio. Just listen to us try different condiments. The mayonnaise and the tomato sauce is yum. It's good. It's okay. But it's not like changing my world. Hey, how is mayo must different to Dijon A's? Dijon A, I don't know. Because isn't that

just like Dijon mustard with mayonnaise? Yeah, good call. Now that I've actually tried it. How good is Dijon A's though? It's delicious, but I'm like that's just Dijon A's. God, this is so yum, eh? Like, mayonnaise makes everything great. Yeah. And

it's good for you. It's made from the mayo plant. It's completely vegan. Oh, yeah, that is yum. Yeah, that's yum. The mustard bar. I took a whole spoonful of it. I mean, you just make your own, don't you? Yeah. I'm vibing all of these creations. That's great stuff. But, like, aioli would add to it because

aioli's pretty much garlic mayonnaise, right? And then when you put like mustard and like mayonnaise on a burger or whatever, it mixes anyway. Yeah. Yeah. But you need a little pre-mix situation. So these have launched in America. No word if they'll come here.

No word. But we love sources. We can make our own as well. Make your own in the meantime. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZM online. We're the two we day with the weekend. ZM.