ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - March 28 2018

Episode Date: April 6, 2018

Producer Anya and her boyfriend were mistaken for someone else, This Can't Leave The Room and how far have you traveled for food? Having troubles with the podcast? We are working to get this problem fixed but in the meantime if you are listening on Chrome or Safari then try using an alternative browser eg. Firefox, IE You can also listen without an issue via iHeart or iTunes or Android podcast apps Podbean, Podcast Addict and BeyondPod.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, get even more data with their prepaid rollover packs. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. Yeah, Dunedin's going to be heaving this weekend. Yeah, it's going to be all go. Road trip.

Is there... Excuse my southern... Ignorance. South Island rail ignorance. But is there a train between... God, that'd be a neat train ride. No one took it. I think there used to be.

And then nobody used it. Nobody used it. Oh, that's how things always go. No one uses it. And then it seems like a good idea, but nobody was using it. So why bother? And all of a sudden, because it's not there, everybody's like, why isn't it here anymore?

Is that what the Transalpine was? No, that's literally Transalpine. That still goes to the West Coast. Oh, then just drive the rest. No. Why would you go to the West Coast? You're going further from Dunedin. Oh, I don't know. It's down, not across.

Then drive the rest. You're from Nelson. You've been to Christchurch a thousand times. You lived in Christchurch. Yeah, but I don't know. It goes from there to the West Coast. It literally goes straight across. Trans Alpine.

Oh, I see. The Alps are the mountain range. A simple explanation would have sufficed. Oh, my God. I can't believe this. Ignorance. It couldn't get any more simple. I literally said it's down, not across.

That's as simple as it could possibly be. Oh, my God. Okay, well, don't get that train then. Okay? No, you can't. It'd be pointless. Well, that's why NZTA is saying, yeah, if you come to Dunedin for the weekend, go down. Not across.

Go south from Christchurch, not across, like Megan would. But if you're in Invercargill, it's important you go up. Yeah, not across either. Not across either. No. I know the Invercargill's below Dunedin. Thank you. Brilliant.

I'm from that part of the country. Intern Anya, you're in Christchurch tomorrow for your graduation. Yeah, this afternoon I'll be there getting my hat. When's your actual graduation ceremony? Tomorrow is when I'll become an educational advisor to my close peers. Big old BBC.

Is that what you call it? Yep. Broadcasting Bachelor of Communications or something? That's it. Okay. Should just be getting the standard WC, I'd imagine, to celebrate. Well, then three out of the four people in this room. What's that? I know, I can four people in this room. What's that?

I know, I can't believe I said it. Now. What is it? No, McGee, don't. You don't need. I don't have a BBC. You don't need. Oh, no.

A bachelor. What if you had a degree? Three out of four here have got a degree. Actually, intern Anya will be better educated than Fletch. So I'm happy to give sort of lessons. I've got a six-year-old who's better educated than Fletch. So I'm happy to give sort of lessons. I've got a six-year-old who's better educated than Fletch. Oh, whoa, whoa. I didn't know I'd come to work at a Comedy Central roast this morning.

Indy can do the buttons. Probably a lot better, actually. Unbelievable. She's here working iPad. So advanced. But these two have got the same thing, eh? We've all got the same qualification. We're all BBCs.

So when Anya graduates, Fletcher will be the least educated person involved in this show. Ken, do you think they'd give me an honorary one? Because I've been doing this for so long. 100% before the end of my life want some form of honorary. Yeah. I get annoyed when universities do that. Like there's some famous sportsman and they're like, oh, just give form of honorary. Yeah. I get annoyed when universities do that. Like some, there's some famous sportsman and they're like, oh, just give them an honorary. They didn't do anything.

They did. Bugger all. But that's what you want. But that's why it's called, yeah. Being on a plane. Is there a doctor on the plane? An honorary doctor of sports stuff. Okay.

Yes. Sit down, Stephen Adams. It was great. Thank you so much. But this man just died in the time you took us to explain. Yeah. The time you took to explain that. All right, you lot.

Listen up. It's story time. It's an Aussie special today. Australia. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi, oi, oi. It's a story time. That was a trick.

A story time special today. All headlines from Australia and none of them about match fixing. Not match fixing, ball tampering. Cheating. Or cheating. Cheating Aussies. Headline one,

teacher finally gets students' attention in maths. Headline two, Aussie convicted for no ticket has ticket. And headline three, 687 massages over 25-year career all on the taxpayer. Yes. Those are the headlines all out of Australia today. Well, I think is, was it two about the no ticket? Yep.

Is that the man with the Opal card which is like their transport It's the Sydney yeah the New South Wales Yeah and you load your AT and you can go on your public transport.

Like your snapper or your AT card. Didn't he implant the chip somewhere? Correct. And they were trying to find him for no ticket but he's like

I've got it in here and no one believed him and yeah he ended up being pretty sweet. That's the future. Being sweet in the fact that he didn't get a ticket not being sweet as in

like he doesn't have some weird shit under his skin now. Well yeah that. That's the future. Being sweet in the fact that he didn't get a ticket, not being sweet as in, like, he doesn't have some weird shit under his skin now. Well, yeah, that's kind of the story. He has actually been fined and gone to court. For not having a ticket.

The story is that the law hasn't caught up with the future. Yeah. Because he's like, well, I do have a ticket and they're like, you've got to show us your card

and he's like, well, it's in my skin, under my skin. Thanks for telling us that one, Fletch, as a bonus. Well, Vaughn kind of knew. I kind of knew the story. Yeah.

Well, you kind of, the headline for story number three was kind of self-explanatory. Okay. So, story number one, Vaughn. Teacher finally gets students' attention at maths. Yeah. At maths. Because, you know, maths, I never got maths. As soon as I got to high school, it started getting all triangly and letters.

And I was like, I'm out of here. I prefer English. Sit down, Mr. Fletcher. You can't just get up and leave class. My body's here. You can BS an answer, but in that, there's only one answer, you know, for most things. I don't understand all that maths, but it is fascinating. No, it's not.

It's just pointless. It is. Someone came up with that stuff. It's mind-blowing. I guess so. Back in the day, too, before there were calculators or Google. Yeah. Because I convinced my mum I needed the flashiest Casio calculator ever.

With all the science buttons. Yeah, it still didn't work. Still did nothing. It still worked. I think it was probably you. No, no, it actually didn't work. The Casio was broken. Who broke it? Well, I don't know because I kept putting all the numbers in and got wrong answers. Definitely was broken. No, no, don't think so.

Well, we go to the UK now, where an Australian man, Scott Sherwood, is a maths teacher in the UK. Now, he's originally from Brisbane, Australia, and he is teaching at the Peacehaven Community School in East Sussex. Now, I don't know. He's 36, by the way. I don't know how his students found out about this. Yeah. But Aaron Cage is his pornography name, and he actually has starred in several gay porns.

Really? In his time before moving to the UK to teach. So he's an Australian originally. Yeah. And that's where that's the Australian tie in. He's said to appear in movies Gruff Stuff, Manpower and A Soldier's Goodbye. Oh, none of those were good porn puns at all. No.

And apparently, yeah, the kids somehow found this out. I don't know if there's like one of the students is gay and it's just like, oh, my God, last night I just saw my teacher on Pornhub. Yeah, but then hard to bring that up. Because then you've got to be the student that was watching gay porn. You've got to be open about that. Well, it just took an in

and it didn't take students long to uncover X-rated videos and photos of their teacher online. He's since been suspended by the school and they're currently investigating the matter.

But what is the... Because, I mean, he didn't do anything illegal. No. It was before he was a teacher, right? And it's before he was teaching at the school. Oh, yeah, before., he didn't do anything illegal. No. It was before he was a teacher, right? And it's before he was teaching at the school. Oh, yeah, before.

So he's not using the maths class as a scene. No. And so, yes, I guess the school's now in this awkward predicament at the secondary school. What a situation to find oneself in. Yeah. This is him. Show you a photo, Megan. I mean, he's probably been in stickier situations.

Oh, okay. Stop. Yeah. He's, like's probably been in stickier situations. Oh, okay. Stop. Yeah. He's like, it's not what I imagined. What does he teach? Maths. Maths. Yeah, maths.

Okay. He's quite like buff and stuff. Yeah, and he's younger than I imagined. And he's lived in the UK for a while, so he might have even done these adult movies when he was in the UK. He's been there for 23 years. Previously worked as a bodybuilder and a personal trainer.

And eight years ago became a model, an adult actor slash model. Why is he teaching maths? Then became a maths teacher and studied at university. So I guess there was a bit of maybe there was some funding in the student life. I don't know. Maybe.

What a bizarre career path he's taken. But then also stink that he's, you know, done that. Nothing illegal along the way any time. Didn't do both at one time. Separate life. But now he's been suspended. And I doubt you're going to get a job anytime soon. Yeah, because you're not going to be able to say square root in maths class.

She's been reading a story about a woman in the UK. She's a Welsh woman. She's got a 14-year-old daughter and she's never known, the daughter's never known her father. She, the daughter, I don't know how to structure this sentence

without it sounding bad for the daughter, but she's the result of a one-night stand. Right. Well, she wouldn't be the first. Well, certainly not. And she's no less loved. And her mum says, you know, she's never thought of anything other than 100% her daughter,

et cetera, et cetera. But the mum's kind of come forward. And I wonder if she's obviously had time to think about it because the daughter's 14 years old. Okay. This nightclub tryst happened 15 years ago. Oh, because I was going to say, was it a Tinder? Was it a Tinder one night stand?

Before the days. Because how would you be able to contact the guy and say, hey, you've got a daughter if they've deleted their Tinder or you have? Well, they unmatched you. They unmatched you after your terrible one night stand. Yeah. So no, pre-Tinder, but the old-school way, in a dark, smoky nightclub where you can't hear what anybody's saying. And she said she just wants to...

Her daughter's doing really well, and she said she's blossomed into a lovely young lady, and she just wants her to know her father, her biological father. Slash child support payments? Slash she's left a little bit late. I don't think you can go into the history vault and be like you're only for 14 years. Yeah, she's almost

18. I think the rules are the same as here. I wonder if she's fully thought it through because you put your hand up, you'd think you're doing an alright thing, but you know what? The internet. Yeah, the internet. The dark side of the internet.

It's not overly supportive to somebody. No. Anybody really, but somebody who's saying in 2003 I had a loose goose drunk in one night stand that resulted in a pregnancy. Yeah. You wouldn't want to read the comments. No. But then you'd also want to be trying to find this guy.

Yeah, but I mean. A guy's not going to, it's obviously memorable to her because she got her daughter out of it. But a guy's not going to be like, okay, well, I hooked up with a girl 15 years ago in a nightclub. It's probably not going to ring any bells. Well, he was tall, dark, handsome and Welsh. It was in 2003.

Did she name the bar? No, she said she can't remember what it's called, but it's been knocked down since. And the act, their union, as it's so put in this article, took place in a friend's flat above a Chinese takeout. Wow.

We've all been there. Is it weird though for the daughter knowing all these details? I know, that's the other thing. She's 14 now. It's not like she's three and doesn't understand and this will have all blown over by the time she can understand it. She's 14, she goes to school. People are going to read about this.

I don't even want to know the details of how I happened. Oh, probably in a sweet lovemaking session, I'd say. I would imagine. Sweet, sweet love. The end of a long, passionate, I'd probably almost put it down to tantric, early 80s tantric sex phase. As in I don't want to know.

Well, no, you do. Whereas I was born in February, which means it was just the start of the winter season. Dad probably wasn't milking. He probably dried the cows off. Again, though, tantric. They were celebrating.

Intimate. Now, I happened at the base of the Kaimais. That's where they were farming at the time. Did you actually? That's where they were farming at the time. Oh, I thought they'd pulled over for some of that. Me too! Me too! FEM. Love seeing old people doing daring things. Especially New Zealand old people.

I shouldn't say old people. I should say the life experienced. The mature. 100-year-old Dorothy. Oh, that's old. I know. That's a real old. That's even like getting out of bed in the morning

seems like skateboarding a half pipe to anybody else. Oh, even just getting out of bed like my age and your age. It's like too early. I was just walking to the kitchen here at work before and someone's like, why are you dragging your feet? And I said, because it's six o'clock in the morning.

If I was 100, I just wouldn't get out of bed. Nah, I'd be like, not today. You'd wake up, why? Yeah. Why Wednesday?

Sleep through. Sleep on through. Well, Dorothy West doesn't have that attitude. At 100, she's been parasailing. Oh, right. That's the one where you go behind the boat.

Behind the boat, and you're in a harness, and you're hanging. It's very high, though. The best part about it is she's done it in her cumps. Who's she? Her cumps. I can't confirm that that's the brand of shirt. It looks very much like a pair of cumps. Okay.

And classic nana slacks. Yep. Where do you get a pair of nana slacks? I don't know. Where do nanas go shopping? I don't know. Farmers? Posty Plus?

She probably bought those 20 years ago. Are they just standard slacks? But when old people put them on, they become nana slacks? I don't know. Of course, I'm talking about the famous pant. And they always keep an ironed... Yeah, they love to iron them. Like a...

Seam? A seam. No, it, they love to iron them. Like a. Seam? A seam. No, no, it's not like a seam. It's like the fold down the front. You know when you fold up your pants to hang them. Sideways. Yeah.

And then you iron the plate down the front. Do you think. We're terrible people. Are we going to get old and wear those? Or are we going to wear like hipster jeans that are still skinny and like. Because I can't imagine wearing slacks. No, because you can't be old and fit into hipster jeans. No, skinny jeans would be good. It would keep all your joints and stuff supported.

Do you think so? Suck in my wobbly skin. Yeah, my knees are going to blow out. I'd imagine we'll be the Jiggings generation when we get to my 80s. Because they're stretchy. Yeah, well, they're stretchy so you can get in, but then it encourages circulation. It compresses socks, holds everything together together that your joints are all wound in.

And we still look good in jeggings. She survived? She's all good? Oh, yeah. I probably wouldn't. Oh, okay. Good on her. Yeah.

100 getting up behind a boat. All right, spires next. I'd just be doing crazy things at that age because I'd want to go out in a blazer glory. Yeah. Unclip myself when you're at the maximum height. A 26-year-old woman has sold her virginity via a auction website.

It's called Cinderella Escorts. Now, she sold her virginity for 1.3 million euro. Euros. Oh, I wish I'd done that. You wouldn't have got that. You could hardly give yours away Please Please have it

You're wrong Take it Please Take it Anyone No thank you Who A

Creepy To buy Somebody's virginity That's quite creepy Yeah And B Like I've, I've never, I've never, I never in my time was anybody's first.

But isn't that a hell of a... You were your first. I certainly was. Thank you. Multiple times. Until it became official. Wouldn't that be... No one's great the first time

Are they? I don't know Is that assumptive? From my experience talking to my friends First time for guys is like really awkward And for girls often unenjoyable Yeah Add to the fact that some creepy dudes Paid money for it

But it's not just any creepy dude This is the story This website is quite exclusive Add to the fact that some creepy dudes paid money for it. But it's not just any creepy dude, is it? No. This is the story. This website is quite exclusive. Cinderella Escorts only really has like millionaires, billionaires, famous people. Verified. People who have lots of money verified.

Oh, that's even creepier. So if you're an A-list celebrity or a billionaire, do you have to hold up your name on a piece of paper? Yeah, with your IMDB credentials or your sporting accolades. Because when I first read this headline, it gets creepier. When I first read this headline, I was like, BS. But she has sold her virginity for 1.3 million euro to a Hollywood actor. Now, this isn't the first time that this escort agency has done this. So Giselle, last

year, she sold her virginity for 3.9 million to an Abu Dhabi based businessman. But this same Hollywood actor bid for this girl last year and was outbid. I don't know. Obviously, they can't say.

I read this story and she's like, I'm so happy he's one of my favourite actors. Like, who is it? She was amazed that she went to meet him and she's like, oh my God, I love you. Oh, no. That's weird. It's like on Taken, the first Taken, the best Taken.

The best Taken, yeah. Where they're, you know, selling those people to other people. Oh, yeah, horrific. But there's like Manchester United players, like all kinds of people who are subscribed to other people. Oh, yeah, horrific. But there's like Manchester United players, like all kinds of people who are subscribed to this website. It's bad that like Manchester United, I think I only know Wayne Rooney, so immediately now I think it's Wayne Rooney,

when it's probably not. But also I can imagine Wayne Rooney doing that kind of thing. I don't know Wayne Rooney well enough. Did he just cheat on his wife? I know he just had a cheating wife? I know he turned his back on baldness and got hair plugs. That spells bad character to me.

You've been dealt the hand, Wayne. You're rich enough, mate. Don't worry about it. Shave it off. Get on with the job. But yeah, so it seems like it sounds like BS

but they're all verified so it must be true. So now, who is this Hollywood actor? How old? She's 26. She was 26 and a virgin. She'd have to sign an NDA, though, wouldn't she? As part of working for this.

And before you say anything, she looks beautiful, and her parents have apparently given the okay. Oh. Well, you're 26, you don't need to check with your parents. You do what you want with your body. Yeah. But I just think there's something creepy about just guys just... Oh, a million dollars.

A million euros. Yeah. So more. 1.3 million euros. So what's that? Double... I'm buying virginity. It's creepy, isn't it?

It is. But at least it's setting her up for life. When you... Your first time in the caravan... Oh, crap. Out the back of your life. When you, your first time in the caravan, out the back of your life. And imagine the poor other person involved. Probably still wake up in a cold sweat thinking about it.

Me, humping on top of them, listening to the, who was that, Goo Goo Dolls, Iris? Awful. Can't listen to that song anymore. I'd rather have a million euros, to be honest. For me too, actually. The Top Six with Vaughn Smith. Well, it all started, when was it? Like 10 days ago, two weeks ago?

Yeah. An ex-Russian spy was poisoned. In the UK? Yes. And died. And apparently died because of a nerve agent that is only produced in Russia. Novichok.

And Russia is like, oh, it wasn't us. It wasn't us, but everyone's like, who else could it have been? And they use the shaggy defense, it wasn't me. Yeah. But we saw you poisoning with Novichok. It wasn't me. Okay, okay. I see where you're going.

It wasn't me. So Australia have got rid of, and the U.S. have got rid of some diplomats. So they're saying this is really intense in the way of international relations. Like, yes, the US got rid of a Russian attache near where their submarine bases are. Because they're like, well, obviously we can't have him near there if it all starts going down.

He could do anything. So everybody's like expelling their Russian diplomats. Now, apparently New Zealand doesn't have any. That we know of. That we know of. And a lot of spies are under the title of attache. Yeah. But apparently we don't have any to expel that we know of.

It'll be like Angelina Jolie in that Salt movie. Yes. She's like a sleeper agent. We say a word and then I turn Russian. Yeah. Could be me. I'm too... Don't scoff! No offence, babes. I'm too unfit.

Like if you... Don't scoff! If they were like, and I was like, oh, I'm awake and I remember my training. And then someone starts chasing me, I'd be like, I do not keep up with my training. How do I fire a gun? Boom.

Ouch! Ouch! It pushed back her breast. Are you South African now? No, I think it was still a little bit Russian, but I'm still a little bit Russian because it was wavering. Okay.

So the top six ways to spot a Russian spy in New Zealand. Number six. If they say, I'm not a Russian spy in New Zealand. Number six, if they say I'm not a Russian spy without you asking, they're probably a Russian spy. If they say I'm not a Russian spy

when you ask them, probably also a Russian spy. Yeah, that's what they would say, a spy. They wouldn't say they were. That would be bad spying. Number five on the list of the top six ways to spot a Russian spy in New Zealand sniff their water bottle. If it smells

a little bit like vodka you got yourself a Russian spy. Vodka on the job. Either that or Barry that works in your office is just an alcoholic. We'll get a girl on the train situation. Number four on the top six ways to spot a Russian spy.

Just out of the blue, say, Putin, and judge their reaction. If their immediate thing is to salute, they're a Russian spy. Right. If they play it cool, they're probably just a little bit of a better Russian spy. Yeah. Still a Russian spy. Very hard to tell. Number three on the list of the top six ways to spot a Russian spy in New Zealand.

This one's old school. Okay. Got to flush them out. Serve them a baked potato with heaps of cheese and like spring onions and everything. And if they look at you like you're some sort of Russian millionaire with way too many ingredients on a plain potato. They're a Russian spy. Yeah, because they love potatoes. They're just plain potatoes.

Very plain potatoes. Even too much butter and salt. Whoa. Back up, Gromred. Back up. Number two on the list of the way to tell if someone is a Russian spy

in New Zealand, check their spice rack or their medicine cabinet. If there's like cinnamon, allspice, paprika, and military-grade nerve agent Novichok, they're a Russian spy. You know, there could be Panadol, Ibuprofen, a little cough syrup,

and then military-grade nerve agent Novichok, they're a Russian spy. And the number one way to spot a Russian spy in New Zealand is to watch a 1970 James Bond film and see if they side more with the always-present Russian villains or the titular British hero. They'll always go with the Russian villains. However, if they go with James Bond, they're still

a Russian spy, just a very good one. They've thought of everything. What we can take from this is that everyone... Trust no one. Everyone's a Russian spy. And a bonus on today's top six. If the guy on the radio does a list

on how to spot Russian spies, he's probably a Russian spy. Watch yourself snip with when I open. I've had two people say very mean things to me. Yep, in the last day. In your life? Oh, in the last day. So it started with Ross, boss, very mean things right to me yep in the last day in your life oh really in the last day yeah okay

so it started with Ross boss who I seriously asked if I could like leave work early today and take a

Black Thunder yep to Ohakuni oh okay yeah but you're being silly yeah

to where am I because for hot cross buns it's hot cross bun day oh god just buy one a generation's a clear shot,

but no, I couldn't. Buy one down the road, Vaughn. No, no, that's... I've got Gary. I've got Gary on his e-bike going via this place touted as the world's best hot cross bun. Right.

You didn't tell us the second one that was... Oh, well, the other one that was mean was Sade, my wife, because I said, if this plan comes to fruition, and I love when a good plan comes together, I'm not going to be home till very late tomorrow.

Because I'm going to get a hot cross bun. Because I'm driving to get a hot cross bun. She's like, what are you talking about? Where from? And I said, Owekuni. And she said, you stop being stupid. And I was like, why will no one support my dreams? Because your dreams are stupid.

Two people I need to support me in my endeavors have just really let me down today. Luckily, what is touted as the world's best hot cross bun is just literally down the road from my house and the studios here. I know. So this is great news. Hold on, Gary's messaged me.

He has said, right on the peak of a hill, this looks like the job for an e-bike. So Gary, Gary, he came up to me, Gary, this is the thing about Gary. You can get him to do anything at the moment because as long as he can use his e-bike and some part of it. Because he wants to prove to us that it's like great and it's cool and everything. He keeps messaging me because, you know, I was outspoken against the e-bike because I bike and use my feet.

Yeah. Legs. I've got a leg bike. Don't be so mean. He just uses his legs to let the bike know that it's okay to go forward right now. And so every time he's on it, he gives me a message. Yeah. And it's just him on his phone going along on the e-bike. Which is dangerous.

It's dangerous. I'm tripping on my phone when I rode his e-bike and it kicks in. There's a lot of gusto there. I know. It'll blow you straight off. I'm worried about him. So he's on to that. I don't think the e-bike. it kicks in, there's a lot of gust over it and it'll blow you straight off. I know. I'm worried about him. So he's on to that. I don't think the e-bike... It's a huge carbon

I should have challenged Gary to get to Oakurney on the e-bike. Then I can guarantee I'd have those hot cross buns. He's got a lot of time now. They're only open today. There's no chance he'll make it down and back. And e-bikes run out of batteries, right? Yeah, they have to stop and charge. A solar panel

trailer for the e-bike. Yeah. It's a big carbon footprint, though. I mean, you talked about helicoptering or even driving. That's a lot of carbon for a hot cross barn. For an e-bike? No, in your car. Oh, in your drive, yes, yes, yes.

Or helicopter. But, you know, you've got to do these things. Do you? I think. Right. I think you've got to try these things in life. So I am still on the hunt, by the way, if anybody's coming up the North Island and going through Owakuni at about 12 today.

I'll give you a special code to give to the people at Johnny Nations a clear shot because they said they'll put aside a does. Oh, will they? I've been in correspondence. You've been plugging their hot cross buns a lot today. Do we broadcast Owakuni? Who knows? Well, they've heard about it.

They've heard about it. So if anybody's passing through there just after lunchtime today, I'll give you a special code and you can traverse those for me so people won't let me travel long distances for food. If they're already coming, that's a good carbon footprint. I know, exactly. I know people that have driven from Dunedin to Ferg Burger. In Queenstown.

Just because they really want the Ferg. Yeah, they feel like an adventure. There's an adventure associated to it. It's a long way to go just for a burger. I mean, there are burger places in Dunedin. It's not Ferg Burger. I know. And it's not adventurous.

It was after a bit of an adventure. Well, after, when I was in Hamilton at the weekend, people said, you've got to go try this Duck Island ice cream. We drive from Auckland once a month. For ice cream? For ice cream. But you can go to gelato places. It's pretty good.

I had it. What's good about it? Yeah, what do they do? It's just good. Is it just flavours or do they put sprinkles and extras? It is lots of weird flavours. Okay. Like, that's not going to taste nice.

Oh, my God, that's delicious. So you ran into people that drive down specifically? They messaged me when they saw on Instagram that I was in Hamilton. They're like, that's not going to taste nice. Oh, my God, that's delicious. So you ran into people that drive down specifically. They messaged me when they saw on Instagram that I was in Hamilton. They're like, you gots to go. We drive down there once a month. And then someone else messaged me saying, you know, you can get that in Faro. So then I messaged the people who drive, and I said, you know, you can get it at Faro. And they're like, didn't know.

So now I've saved them. In fact, the carbon footprint that I've taken away by them not traveling that distance every month, I would like to then spend on getting hot cross buns from all over here. They have roasted white chocolate and miso flavoured ice cream. That's my sister's favourite. What? She said it doesn't taste like miso. Isn't she pregnant though?

Yeah, I know. So that's probably why she likes that. But no, even pre-pregnancy, that's a really good flavour. People are going crazy for that. They have Sichuan peppercorn flavoured. Ice cream. I know you've got to try it before you... Okay, right.

Try it before you buy it to them, one of those little spoons. Anyway, I'd like to know, we are a nation of... Eaters. Enjoyers. Okay. In the case of cuisine. Yep. Where do you travel?

How far do you travel for your favourite yums? Okay. What are we looking for? More than an hour or half an hour? Just the effort. Okay, if you travel an hour on a bike, then that's great effort. Right, okay.

An hour in a car, a little less impressive. Okay. But then, like you say, Dunedin to Queensland, that's a couple of hours. And it's a hell of a drive. That's a hell of a drive too. So can we beat that? An hour or two?

How far have you travelled for your favourite food? 0800 DALS.M Give us a call. You can text us into the studio 9696. We want to know the furthest you've gone

for your favourite food or your eating place. Eating place. Eating place. You got your pig trough where you just show your face in a plate. Otherwise known as restaurants. Yeah, sure. Iough or you just shove your face in a plate. Otherwise known as restaurants.

Yeah, sure. I knew there was a formal name for them. Born getting carried away with hot cross buns that are halfway down the country. Yeah, but have you got to get carried away about something? Isn't a hot cross bun a good thing to be carried away about? Yeah, there's only a special time of the year. We don't get them all year round.

Yeah, I'm not driving to live in for the North Island's best meth, you know? It's just a little treat, a little seasonal treat. Okay, fair call. Some text messages about how far you've travelled. We drive from West Auckland to Hamilton for a coffee from Coffee Culture. Coffee? They're leaving Auckland to get a coffee.

It's madness. Okay. It's a South Island coffee chain with only one cafe in the North Island. It's in Hamilton. I've floated the idea of buying a franchise for Auckland, but my partner says I drink all the profits. Normally you'd say that to someone that's opening up a bar.

Yeah, yeah. Or a bakery. No. No. Coffee place. A coffee place. My wife and I travelled from Christchurch to Hokitika for a Fat Pepe's pizza one evening last year.

It was an awesome drive, but an even better pizza. We'll be doing it again. Always have a pizza at the end of the journey. Are you looking up Fat Pepe's pizza? Fat Pepe's pizza in Hokie. That'll be good. Tony, how far do you go for your favourite food? Me and my friends once drove all the way down to Taupo for Burgerfield.

They just have the best burgers down there. But where do you live that doesn't have a burger field? Because they're like everywhere. So I live in Pukekohe now, but at the time I was living in Tikauwhara and like the only areas was like Mercer and Huntley either side. And Huntley doesn't have anything that great. But Hamilton's got a burger field. You should have just gone there.

Yeah, well, we started driving and we got through Hamilton. We were's got a burger fuel. You should have just gone there. Yeah, well, we started driving and we got through Hamilton and we were like, oh, nah. And then we kind of just carried on driving and we ended up in Taupo and they had the best burgers ever. Right, so you think it was worth the extra two and a half hours from Hamilton. Yeah, it usually was. Okay, alright, Tony.

Nick, how far have you gone for your favourite food? Not me, my old man. He used to work for an airline back in the day. This was in sort of like the 80s, 90s. They used to fly across to Sydney or Brisbane for lunch for the day and go to some popular burger joints over there. Okay. Amazing.

Big carbon footprint. Yeah, for a burger. Somebody said, we drive from Wellington to Palmerston North for Carl's Jr. every now and then. Oh, okay. And now doing that responsibly, that's a two and a half hour drive. Yeah. Famously, somebody did it much quicker. That's a murdery joke, isn't it?

It's a Mark Lundy reference. The Lundy 500. My mates are weirdos. One of them lived in Queenstown and we live in Christchurch. Whenever an old mate came up from Queenstown, they'd get him to bring up Ferg Burger from Christchurch. They'd freak out it was going to get cold before they got there, so they'd start driving when he was a couple of hours away to meet him.

Oh, my God. So they could stop, eat, and then all drive back to Christchurch. What a bag of tools. Hey, you always want your friends to describe you. Bag of tools. An anonymous caller joins us on the phone. How far do you go for your favourite food? I fly down to Wellington.

From where? From Auckland. For what? There's my favourite Thai restaurant. It's just out of Wellington City. So I fly down. Sometimes I'll stay the night. Sometimes I just fly home.

So you don't go down for any other reason? You don't see friends? It's not for work? It's just for Thai food? It's just for Thai food. Sometimes I tie it into my work trip and just do a stopover on the way. You know we have Thai restaurants in Auckland, eh? Yeah, but they're not as good.

What is the name of this Thai restaurant? It sounds delicious. And the risk of causing them an influx of business that they're just not capable of handling. What's the name of this Thai place? It's actually called Buddha Sticks. It's kind of like a Thai restaurant, which is really good.

Did you say Buddha Sticks? Yeah. Okay. It's really Yeah. Okay. Okay. Anonymous caller, thank you so much. Your carbon footprint through the roof. Our biggest carbon footprint caller, I'd say, at this stage.

Some other text messages in. We drove from Rotorua to Waipala in the central Hawke's Bay to get our fix of Korean food. Had a nap in the car afterwards and then went back in, ordered more and drove home with takeaways. Brilliant. Imagine that. You'd be in a Korean restaurant. Someone comes in.

Someone who just looks exactly like you came in about an hour and a half ago. Oh, really? What a coincidence. Can we just get heaps of takeaway food, please? No shortage of people travelling. I travelled to the Gold Coast from Taranaki for chicken kebabs. We did other stuff while we were there, but the primary reason we went to from Taranaki for chicken kebabs. We did other stuff while we were there

but the primary reason we went to the Gold Coast was for chicken kebabs. How good are these kebabs? Are you remembering them drunk? Yeah, and what kind of kebabs? Like on a stick or like wrapped up ones?

Then we're back. Ooh, that's a shish kebab on a stick technically, isn't it? I don't know what a shish kebab is. No one says shish kebab. My family and I once planned a holiday

and the primary reason we stopped over in Singapore was for Dosa Mango Lassi Let's eat shish kebab today. No, let's eat shish kebab. My family and I once planned a holiday, and the primary reason we stopped over in Singapore was for Dosa Mango Lassi and the most incredible fizzy drink called Kickapoo, which if you haven't had, you haven't lived, according to Olivia. Right, you simply must. You simply must. So this is putting your going out of your way for hot cross buns.

Everyone thought I was silly for wanting to drive to Oakooikuni for hot cross buns that I haven't tasted before, but I've just got a hunch they're going to be delicious. Well, no, all these people are travelling for food they know is good. You literally haven't even tried these hot cross buns. I know. Just call me an entrepreneur, Megan. Any update on Gary on his e-bike? No update from Gary.

I promised that he could have one and I'll pay him back for the hot cross buns. Is he getting enough for all of us? Oh, yeah, he's getting enough for everybody. A picture on Instagram's gone viral. It was in Port Walanga in South Australia. Yep. Is that how you say it? Walanga.

Walanga. Walanga. It looks like a nice beach. And the reason this photo has gone viral is because there's a woman sunbathing on the beach in her bikini, face down. So could be blissfully unaware of what's going on around her because probably one metre, maybe less, there is a wedding going on. A beach wedding.

Wow. So the picture shows her lying down sunbathing and the guests are all standing around watching these people get married. Right beside her. Wouldn't you move? She mustn't have known about it. I'm just wondering who came first. Because if you were the wedding party and you came along, wouldn't you move? Just be like, oh, let's just come this way, but there's a woman sunbathing.

Yeah. Or you'd just set up your chairs and assume she'd move because you're having a wedding and get out of the way. Maybe that was the case. And because she was lying face down, I don't know if they asked her or whether she was just oblivious. But the wedding happened while she sunbathed right beside it. Oh.

Pretty, yeah. It's hard though because that's a public beach. And I've been in the same situation when I was in Rarotonga. There's so many weddings that go on in the resorts and they're on the beach. But the beaches are open to everyone else who's at the resort. Yeah.

So I was sunbathing right by a wedding as well. And I was like, do you think they want us to move? Because they're all dressed up really nicely and there's the bride and everything. And I'm literally in my togs, like, only a few metres away. Hey! You could have been in the news like, this lady. Rude Sunday the one.

I'd move. I'd move. I'd move too, yeah. Because basically I don't want my bits and pieces in somebody's wedding photos. Yeah. I don't really want my bits and pieces in my wedding photos. But I was on a lounger thingy and like I was there before them. So I was just like, well, if they wanted me to move.

Did you move to the pool? Yeah. No, but it's hard when you're staying somewhere and you get a lounger. Like those are all property. I don't even hate getting, I know I was going to say you could leave your towel on the lounger, but I don't even hate getting my wedding photos back and seeing some huckery tourist towel on the lounger. I wouldn't even want a lounger in my wedding photos. But then, yeah, it's hard when it's a resort

and it's open to everyone. How do they, like, bar off an area? You can crop those out, but if some woman's literally lying where the bride walks down the aisle in her bikini. I've got to step over this sunbathing woman. She's undone her straps on the back because she doesn't want them.

Yeah, you can't crop her out. This story's upsetting for me. Recently, you will be aware if you listen to the show that I became a drone daddy. That's right. You welcomed a third baby

to your family. to my drone. Yeah. It's a DJI Mavic Air because I always get asked what I got. Didn't splash for the pro. Well, no, you're a hobbyist.

I'm a hobbyist. That's right. Yeah, you're not droning for business or anything, are you a hobbyist I'm a hobbyist That's right Yeah you're not Droning for business Or anything are you No I'm droning for fun Yeah So it's pretty hard for me

To read these sorts of headlines Given that I'm a new Drone daddy Yeah That Air New Zealand Are leading the call For tougher drone restrictions But they've got a fair reason

But you imagine In my situation Okay Megan You just had a baby Yeah And then everybody starts Throwing their babies at planes And all of a sudden You're not allowed They've got a fair reason. But you imagine in my situation, okay, Megan, you just had a baby, and then everybody starts throwing their babies at planes, and all of a sudden... You're not allowed to throw your baby at a plane anymore. You're not allowed to just throw your baby in the air anymore.

Oh, that would be upsetting. I know. To put it into terms that parents might understand. I read this headline yesterday. Did a drone come within, was it five metres or 50? Five. Was it five metres? People are stupid.

These things are dangerous. The most dangerous part about the drone is not that if it hits the aeroplane and bounces off because that'll do nothing. It's the lithium batteries. If they get sliced up in the motor of one of these planes, the jet engines, they'll basically explode.

So it's just like a little bomb flying close to the engine of the plane. Correctamundo. So it's just like a little bomb flying close to the engine of the plane. Correctamundo. So apparently on Sunday afternoon, a plane coming in, and this seems to be another one from Tokyo, because we had friends who were on one from Tokyo, and they got diverted to... Ohakia.

Ohakia. Yeah. And they shut down the Auckland airport for like an hour or two, didn't they? Yeah, because of that drone. So they reckon on Sunday, a 777 came within five metres of hitting a drone. There was 278 passengers and crew on board that plane. That's insane. Yeah.

So... What are you going to do with the footage anyway? You can't ever put it up because it's highly illegal. Yeah. What are you going to do with it? I've always wondered that. People obtain it for their own personal, but then... Even if you're that...

Who's flying it right near an airport? Everybody knows that's bad, right? That's crazy. There's a website called airshare.co.nz and it tells you where you can fly your drones and where you can't and the reason why you can't. It's actually really good because around my house I can't. I'm too close to the... Funeuap I can't. I'm too close to the

Funua Pai. Yep. I'm too close to that and also it's a space that planes come over before looping around to go into Auckland Airport.

So you can't fly there either. So there's multiple reasons but I looked and I found a spot. I can fly not too far from home and I drive there and I can fly it there. And at my parents' place

at the weekend I looked it up and it was all like you're all good to fly here so I followed the rules. I tell you what guys I followed the rules but can fly it there. And at my parents' place at the weekend, I looked it up and it was all like, you're all good to fly here. So I followed the rules. I tell you what, guys, I followed the rules, but I still had fun. You don't need to break the rules and put 278 people's lives at risk to have a little bit of fun with a drone.

They're just fun by default. How fun would it be just to put it up in your backyard? It would be fun, yes. But, you know, there are rules for a reason and I don't want them to be totally bad. Until you see your next-door neighbour naked and then like, do you really want to see that? Well, if she's 90 years old, Megan, if she's naked outside, it might also be very bad news.

Shh. This can't leave the room. Right now, though, your Juicy Secrets New Zealand. This can't leave the room is where we put out, we just throw it out there, the start of what could be a juicy little secret that you might have. And you've just got to complete it for us. We put this out on Snapchat and Instagram,

so you can reply using Snapchat filters, so your voice will be disguised so nobody will know it's you. Yeah. Now, yesterday we asked you the question, this can't leave the room, the question, this can't leave the room, the statement, this can't leave the room, but blank was just sitting there, so I took it. It's a real opportunistic theft, isn't it? But then it was just sitting there.

Someone had left it. Yeah, so I just took it. I just took it. All right, let's start. This can't leave the room, but because I'm a hairdresser, every now and then we get tips. And when the girls don't take them home after a couple of days, I take them. So that might not even be her tips. I didn't know that.

Did you tip your hairdresser? Until I went to America, this is ages ago, yeah, you tip your hairdresser. In America. You tip anybody who does service-related things in America, right? But here, I've never heard of anyone tipping a hairdresser. No. Most people go like, it looks great, Janine. Thank you so much.

Go outside into the car and be like, I hate Janine. Ruin MMA. This can't leave the room, but when I was at uni, I cleaned hotels and I took someone's diamond necklace. Whoops. Whoa. Took someone's diamond necklace. Whoops. Whoa. Took someone's diamond necklace. Easy to deny you ever saw it, I suppose.

Because I'm terrible if I stay in a hotel or a motel. I never use that safe thing because I'm always worried I'll forget the code. Well, you make the code, don't you? Or they've got the backdoor code, so they just get in anyway. Mr Toyboy is so paranoid. He makes us lock our suitcases every time. I'm like, no one's going to steal it. They work here. They're just here

to clean. Yeah. And plus, if something went missing, they'd be the first person that you'd accuse. But then she got away with stealing a diamond necklace. I assumed she was cleaning after they checked out. Oh, yeah. That was my assumption. I wasn't clarified. You think that she stole it while... Oh, now that's

bad. See, if I was cleaning hotels and I saw like a pile of money or a diamond necklace, I'd be like, this is a trap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, me too. This is one of those TV shows where I'm going to be on TV stealing money. Yeah. But if there's free drugs. There's currently the room, but I've seen my workmates online shopping and she's not

here and it's just sitting at her desk, so I took it. No. No. That's one of Megan's seven deadly sins. Yeah, don't do that. That's awful. But then it would be, if it got delivered to a workplace, would it have to be signed for? Not every time, I suppose.

Well, we've got a mail room here, so they'd sign for it and then they'd leave it somewhere. But then you know what happens? They go back to the company and are like, I never got it. Oh my God. Great work, mate. If it was unsigned for, you could probably get away with it. Alright, this can't leave the room. Leaving the house of a one-night stand quite a few years ago

and I saw that he had a G-Shock watch and yeah, I decided to take it. A G-Shock watch! I decided to take it. A G-Shock watch. I'll never forget the time I opened up about the theft of my underwear after a one night stand and people called in

with the mementos and the things they steal from people from one night stands. Blew my mind. There are some dodgy people out there. Moving along, Megan. There are some. I'm surprised it doesn't happen to you more often. Dodgy people out there. Moving along, Megan. I just can't leave the room, but when I was 18,

I went to the bathroom at a club and took $200 out of a wallet because it was just sitting there. I'm a bad person. I've cried, haven't I? You are a bad person I've cried for everything You are a bad person So what, someone had dropped their wallet Or left their wallet behind And so someone had just put it up somewhere or left it there And they were like, well I'll just take the money

I'll just take the money out of it I'll leave the ID, all the stuff that's a real pain in the butt to replace But I'm going to take cash to teach them a lesson Who's using cash though? Maybe you set yourself a nightly budget when you're out at the club. Yeah, some people do that. Once I've finished these notes,

no more spending. This can't leave the room, but I saw this really cute dog outside the supermarket and I just took it for the day. Dog? I thought she said guy. She said I. Do you want me to replay it?

Yes. This can't leave the room, but I saw this really cute dog outside the supermarket and I just took it for the day. And then you get to play with the dog for a day and then also be the hero. I found your dog. But I know for a fact supermarkets have security cameras.

So if that dog was like right outside, you'd be running a real risk there. That's why I don't leave Leo outside a supermarket. Where do you put him? Well, I don't take him. I don't take him because I'm like, someone will just take him. Megan, babes, no one's stealing your dog. That's so cute. If he's outside the supermarket and you come back and he's

not there anymore, check the bin. Vaughn! Vaughn! That was so mean. People always tell me he's cute. No, his eyes are real far apart. That's what they say to the mum with the ugly baby too. No one's stealing

a dog with eyes like that. You guys are so mean. I've got perfect children. Look at my pure bred cat. Okay, next. Let's do one more, one more. This can't leave the room, but when I was dropping off my ex-boyfriend's stuff

after we broke up, he wasn't home, and his favourite Peter Alexander sweatpants were sitting on top of the laundry. So I took them. Peter Alexander sweatpants? La la. Why is it a vain spittish? Yeah, they wouldn't be cheap, would they?

Can't be, I'd imagine. But then what did you, are you just going to bin them and like set them on fire kind of like in a cleansing ritual? No, she would have done that with his other stuff. She said she took his stuff back around to him. So I'd imagine she's already burnt half of the good stuff.

But she's just wearing his pants because they're comfy. Yeah, yeah. They sound delicious and comfy. You want to walk away with something. Yeah. And he wouldn't have treated them right. He probably would have put them in a wash with some towels or something.

Oh, monster, monster. I know. He's a monster. You're better off without him. FBM, the podcast. Now, yesterday, intern Anya, who reads our news, told us you relived an experience that you had on Monday. It was a clever ploy that you waited until after the show to tell us,

thinking we wouldn't exactly write it down on our hands so we wouldn't forget to talk about it today. Oh, we were never going to forget this. Now, before you tell us the story, it's probably good to know for the story, for background, that you are 21. Yes. And your boyfriend, Andy, who also works here in the building,

is 20 and 21 next week. Yeah, so about six months apart. Also important to know is that I've just had some skin surgery on my leg. You got a moly moly removed? Yeah, I did. I was hobbling around. Got a bit of a hobble. And went into

the pharmacy to pop in and get some more bandages. Now there was no parks outside the pharmacy so lovely boyfriend decides to drop me off and then goes and parks the car. Because of the hobble. Because hence the hobble. Yeah. And so I go in and you know say what I need and she's like

cool that'll be a few minutes. So I sit down and the chair's provided because hobble. And then he comes in a few minutes later and she says are you looking for mum? It's still funny the second time. Yeah.

Are you looking for mum? Was there anyone else in there? No. Okay. So it's literally referring to you. Yeah. Ouch. Ouch. And he was kind of like, oh no, and then saw her

look over at me and then was like, oh yeah. He said yes. He was kind of just like nodded and was like mmm, there she is. Oh no. Oh mum.

So I look like a mother. She's not my mum, she's my step mum She's not my real mum So you're six months apart Ouch Now I also think, crucial to mention, what were you wearing? Okay A cat t-shirt Yeah

Mums Baby boomer mums especially Love a cat T-shirt. Yeah. Mums. You've got a hobble. Baby boomer mums especially love a cat T-shirt. It was the one that we got for Karen the cat's first birthday. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I had a little party hat on. Yeah. Yeah, and I wanted something really cute and comfy to wear to my surgery.

So that was the choice. Were you wearing track pants as well? Yeah. Okay. Also, Andy does look really young. Oh, he's in the, if you're familiar with the gay terminology and the gay word, he's known as a twink. Oh. Yeah, very twinkie.

Very, very twinkie. Youthful Dutch looking man. Very. Looks like Tintin. Beautiful skin. Yes. All right, Megan. Megan, calm down.

You've already got a toy man. A toy boy. Mr. Toy Boy. Mr. Toy Boy. Yeah. Yeah. Are right, Megan. Megan, calm down. You've already got a toy man. A toy boy. Mr. Toy Boy. Mr. Toy Boy. Yeah. Are you interested in my son? Could tear it up. If you want to date our son, there's a few things you need to know.

Number one, he's not our son. Yeah, you've got to get mum's ticket approval. Do you remember when I told you guys about that, who I thought were brother and sister at the gym, because they looked the same but then they started kissing. They started kissing by the pushy out one. What's that one?

Who kisses at the gym? I don't know. The chest press. Now that Vaughn goes to the gym he knows what that is. And I was like, oh my god, that brother and sister kissing. Who's kissing on the chest press? That's dangerous. Just like a little... Yeah, I know. It was weird. Because I was like, oh, that brother and sister are kissing. That's Just kissing at the chest. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah, I know, it was weird. And because I was like,

oh, that brother and sister are kissing, that's gross. And then I was like, oh, well, they're obviously not brother and sister. But they look like they are. Yeah, right. So I was like, weird. I like to always play that game when you see like a somewhat elderly man

and there's like a youngish looking woman. You're like, mm, mum and dad, or daughter and dad, or... I don't know why you're laughing because that's going to be you in a few years when you age and Mr Toyboy still looks 18

yeah it's me now with my wife they probably just think she's well my daughter's well my wife's half Thai

half Chinese Thai so she's got a darker appearance but my daughters are quite light so people probably think that I had kids with somebody else and now I's got a darker appearance but my daughters are quite light so people probably think that I had kids with somebody else and now I've got a ring in. A male

order. We need to get older and she does not age. I can't wait until our daughters are older and people just assume oh so he had one, left a bit of a gap had two more. I know because your wife isn't ageing. No. At all. She's not. It's not fair,

is it? It's not fair. Okay. She got her ancestry DNA results back yesterday. She's full of non-ageing races

as it turns out. Oh, that's unfair again. Yes, yes, yes. I got mine back. White bread. Literally, I'm like white bread. I go mouldy very quickly.

You're like a dollar loaf. Even when I'm fresh or I'm no good, I'm a dollar loaf. She's a mixed grain. She's a Bergen. Bergen when I'm fresh or I'm no good. I'm a dollar loaf. She's a mixed grain mogul. She's a Bergen. Bergen, yeah. Everlasting artisan ethnic bread.

But what about, have you and Toyboy ever been confused for like a mother and son? You dick. I've told you this. I get ID'd often and he doesn't. That's why Megan is like quite touchy, I think, with Toyboy in public. She doesn't want anyone to ever make the mistake. So if she's being affectionate. No, it's because I'm so youthful looking.

I've literally never had that mistake made. But no, but they have to, if they see someone that looks underage, they have to ask both parties for ID. Yeah, because you can be buying booze for him to take to a high school party. And you're more likely going to ask mum, so that's why you get asked. Okay. All right, 0800-DARLS-N. This is what we want to ask you.

Yeah, back to ragging on Anya. 9696, what have you and your partner been confused for? Have you ever been in Anya's situation where maybe there's an age gap in your relationship or a different... Maybe there's not. Maybe there's not. Like, you only have six months, but maybe you just look older than your partner and these things happen.

I can't believe he didn't set her straight, this lady in the pharmacy, when she was like, you're looking for mum, he's like... He was shook. Yeah. Because then later on, when you go up to get your stuff, she's going to be like, you've got such a lovely boy driving you around

while you've had your hip surgery. Well, I decided to kind of like go along with it and I said, oh, they grow up so fast. All right, 0800-DALZITM9696. What do you and your partner get confused for? We'll just rag on Anya. Don't go out, Anya. Stay there.

We're going to rag on you more next. We're talking about how your relationship has been confused. Our intern Anya went to a doctor, dressed in a cat t-shirt. The pharmacy. Sorry, pharmacy. After a surgery to remove something in her leg, so had a hobble,

wearing a cat t-shirt, very young looking boyfriend, setting up the scene here and the lady said to her boyfriend Andy when he walked out, are you looking for mum? And Anya was the only person in the farm. He's only six months younger, but he does look... Very young. He doesn't look that young, though.

No. And Anya doesn't look like a mum. No. You're welcome. She's saying thank you. Thank you for that. Do you want to start with... I'm actually...

Remind me right at the end to tell you the most awkward text message we've received. Okay, yes. Okay, because we want to start with... I'm actually... Remind me right at the end to tell you the most awkward text message we've received. Okay, yes. Okay, because we want to hear from you when you've been confused in these situations. My son has been mistaken for my partner as he looks as if he's in his late 30s, but he's only 20.

And people say, oh, is this a new partner? It's like, no, this is my son. You've met him before. He's just changed so much. I'm 29 and my boyfriend is 25, but it regularly gets confused with I'm one of his oldest kids.

Right. Even though I'm four years older than him. So there you go. There's a big switcher changer. Somebody else said my husband is 10 years older than me and he often gets mistaken. My husband's 10 years older than me and he he often gets mistaken. My husband's 10 years older than me, and he gets mistaken for being our son's granddad.

That's not good. Only 10 years. That's not good. That's an insult. Lauren, what happened? Well, okay, no, back story. He got a piece of metal in his eye at like 6 p.m., and then he didn't tell me until like 11 o'clock at night.

And he was like, I think I need to go to the emergency room. And I was like, oh, God, I'd already taken all my makeup off. I was in like pajamas. I was like, fine, I'll take you. We went there. And like, I think she was crazy. I like to tell myself she was crazy. Okay.

This old woman was like, oh, so good that you could bring your mom with you. And I was like. How much older or younger are you than your boyfriend um i'm eight months older not even that much older but he's such as well and it's just not fair awesome just like anya he does he look a lot younger um he does but now he's grown a beard so we sort of like even out now right okay the other woman that actually had kids there like looked at me and shook her head and she was like, gave me like, no, you're fine.

Girlfriend, girlfriend. No, no, no, no. Brilliant, Lauren. Thanks for your call. Thanks. Alice, there was confusion with you and your partner. Yeah, yeah. So my partner and I were having a quiet beer at a pub

and an elderly drunk gentleman said to my partner that it was really lovely that he'd taken his mum out for a drink. Oh, no. Oh, no. How did that go down? I was awfully embarrassed. Yeah. Is there an age difference with you and your partner?

Yeah, I'm 12 years older. Yeah, girl. Right. That's going to happen to me in a few years, I'm sure. Very awkward. Toy boys. All right, thanks, Alice. Got a good one.

Some other text messages in. My partner's 37 and has an 18-year-old daughter. We were all out doing the shopping. He got asked for ID for a bottle of wine and then said, can I see your kid's ID as well, referring to both of us. So then that's a compliment. That's a compliment to you. Insult to him.

Nothing to the other 18-year-old. But two compliments to one. That's a right. That's great. That's pretty much outweighing there. Yeah. Do you want this text message? I'm saving it till last.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. My screen cap, because you know how the text machine always lets me down whenever I need to rely on it? Mm-hmm. My husband, oh, no, I've got two. Okay. My husband and I are both 32.

I'm three weeks older, the very baby face. Had to go to hospital last year without makeup. They asked if my dad would like to wait outside and if I'd taken the day off school. My husband was really unimpressed, but it's one of my favourite stories is we're the same age as previously mentioned. Oh, so she's like looking great.

People are saying, are you taking the day off school? That's high praise. Okay, this is from Joe. My husband is African and I'm European. He does look young. Okay. I was getting something out of my wallet one day in a store and a lady said to me, oh my God, is that your sponsor child?

Oh! Oh! No, she didn't. It was my husband's spare passport photo. Is that your sponsor child? What would you say to that? No, that's my husband. She's like, did you marry your sponsor child?

Are you allowed to do that? Because I'm not going to sponsor child? Are you allowed to do that? Because I might get a sponsor child then. That's quite racy. A little racy. Confuci. Yeah, a little bit racy. Oh, no. Real heaps of awkwards.

But what would you do? Would you want out of that awkward situation and say, I'd just probably say. And then shut the wallet? Or would you just say, no, that's my husband? Yes, I'd just probably say... And then shut the wallet, and then, or would you just say, no, that's my husband. Yes, I'd just probably be like, yeah. And just walk away.

They do a great thing. But he must look young. Yeah, compliment to him looking young. Yeah, compliment for his youthful looks. Yeah. It's like... Hey, Megan, will this look forward to? Shut up.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day kind of relates to a trip to the movies. Okay. A couple of good movies coming out tomorrow. Peter Rabbit comes out tomorrow. Yeah. I'm hearing great things. Yeah.

And Ready Player One. Oh, I've heard good reviews. Which I'm very much. Did Rabbit comes out tomorrow. Yeah. I'm hearing great things. Yeah. And Ready Player One. Oh, I've heard good reviews. Which I'm very much. Do you even saw it? No, I didn't. Oh, no. It was too late. Oh, yeah.

And I decided I didn't. I wouldn't. Got that way. So that's why I didn't. But yeah, the reviews, it's one of those kick yourself moments because the reviews seem really good for that. Yeah. Lots of 80s pop culture references if you've read the book.

Yep. Right. Apparently it's not exactly the same, but pretty good. Okay. Pretty good. Well, when you go to the movies next time, be aware that a medium-sized buttered popcorn contains more fat than a breakfast of bacon and eggs,

a Big Mac and fries, and a steak and dinner combined. What? No. No. Because I always eat it, I'm like, just a little bit of salt, a little bit of carb, and a little bit of butter. And a little bit of fluffy stuff. Some fats.

It's just fluffy. It's so light. Is this a fact from America, though? Because this is a medium-sized American popcorn, which is probably more like our large egg, because they're insanely big. And when you go to America, they're like, do you want buttered popcorn?

And you're like, yeah. And then they take it over and pour melted butter on it. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Well, the good news is if they top it with margarine instead, slightly less fat, but, you know, all those chemicals and stuff. Yeah, right. All that yuck stuff that's in margarine.

Is that actually an option? Melty margarine? Yeah, apparently. Ew. Yuck. Yuck. You're going to have to effort to melt it. It better be butter.

Yeah. So another one. A small popcorn from a cinema group. The largest theatre chain in the United States is called Regal Cinema Group. Contains the saturated fat

equivalent of a full day and a half's recommended daily intake of saturated fats. Oh, it's so bad when you start calorie counting or you use like MyFitnessPal and you actually see

what you're eating. It's a bit of a shock to the old system, eh? It is. Not as much as a medium-sized buttered popcorn, which could be a heart attack to the system if you have it too often. Oh, no. You know, speaking of... You'd be better to just rock a straight chalk top down your gob.

Yeah, you're probably right. I have often wondered what's better, like getting a chalk top or getting popcorn. But I always just thought because it's so light and it's technically a vegetable. Men's and women's health do quite a few of those have this instead of this. Yeah, right. And they're quite enlightening. But that's always just bullsh... Instead of popcorn, have celery with peanut butter.

No, they compare other fast foods and other options like that. But speaking of movie foods, you might have seen ZM share this on Monday or Tuesday. Maltesers. News out of the UK that they're talking about making them like an egg shape, a flatter buttony shape rather than

the ball. Unbelievable. Less malt to chocolate ratio. I'm imagining that it's a cost-saving thing or a packing thing. I don't know. You can't. I mean, that's the quintessential part about Maltesers is their rollability. And they've even got the ads where they roll them with the fans. They famously roll them.

They famously roll them. You can't change. I'll be so upset. Mars or whoever makes that. I'll be so upset. Multi-national corporation. That owns heaps of stuff. That'll just do what they want

and still have us addicted to their products. We'll bitch about it for a while, but we'll be back. I hope it's fake news. So today's fact of the day is a medium-sized buttered popcorn will contain the fat of a breakfast of bacon and eggs,

a Big Mac and fries and a steak dinner combined. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Well, tis the season for hot cross buns. Soundkeeper Gary, come in here, please. He's arrived on his e-bike, carrying these. Just look at that weighty,

Gary. Good morning. How many are in each bag, Gary? Six. I grabbed 12, and there was a lovely guy named Tim next to me who was only buying two, so I said, I'll Vornal Shout you, and we got 14 on your card on that one. Oh, I get it. Well, technically, we're talking about this on air,

so this has become a ZM cost. Please keep your receipt, Gary. Now, how was your ride in, Gary, on your e-bike? I was getting toots from people. They were, like, yelling out the window, like, go, Gary, get those buns. Yeah, the hot cross bun courier. Brilliant.

Oh, my God. I can smell them from here. These have been called the world's best hot cross buns. Were there other people there to buy these this morning? There was a line. I had to wait half an hour down there to get in line to order some. You're a good man, Gary. You're a good man.

How many were they baking this morning? They were making trays at a time, and they were popping out every 15 minutes or so. So I'd say like 36 per 15 minutes and you had to pre-order 40 minutes in advance. If you have a couple of those with butter though, you're going to need an actual bike to burn off those calories, not an e-bike because you're just sitting on the seat.

Good sass on the e-bike. Thank you, Vaughn. I know. I just took a look at them. When is that wedding you're a part of? Saturday. Let's hit it. You can burn off the bun before Saturday. You just don't eat for the rest of the day. No, I'm going to gym hard. All right, we're going to review these alleged world's best hot cross buns next.

We'll be the judge of this. Just basically an excuse for us to eat on air. Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast. As we now sample in studio via Gary on his e-bike. Always mention the e-bike.

What could possibly be the world's best hot cross buns? Now, Vaughan, this started because you wanted today to fly a helicopter to Owakuni. Correct. To buy a hot cross bun. Correct. Also touted as some of the country's best. They only open once. That's purely speculative at this stage because they make the country's best chocolate eclairs.

And if you make a good chocolate eclair, surely Hot Cross Buns will walk in the park. Yeah. You'd think so. So if you go through O'Kernie just after 12 today, Johnny Nation's eclair shop's doing their annual giveaway. Feel free to. Who's declared these Hot Cross Buns the world's best?

Now, this was in a blog, a Jetstar blog about Auckland. But I think they kind of got it from the fact that it's just a bit of a well-known, well, it was kind of an underground thing, but now that it's blown up in the Herald and news sites. So let's keep in mind Jetstar's travel blog's got a questionable past. They put up a photo of Wellington saying, Beautiful day over Canterbury. That was their Instagram account, wasn't it?

Yeah, that's their blog in a way. But they said that Ema Cuisine on Fort Street in Auckland is the best. No, that was their Instagram account, wasn't it? Yeah, that's their blog in a way. But they said that Ema Cuisine on Fort Street in Auckland is the best. Now, the newspapers were like, we'll take it. The best in the world. And they ran with it. This morning when Gary went down there, the line was out the door. They were humping out, pumping out.

Pumping out. Pumpy pumping. Pumpy pumping out hot cross buns. I tell you what. And they were being snaffled. If the smell in the two bags is anything to go by, these are incredible. And they look incredible.

They've also shared the recipe. They've got a custard cross on the top. It's a vanilla bean custard cross. Is it? Oh, it's weighty. Can I say it's weighty? Which means, you know, that's good, right? Because it's got lots of ingredients. They've not been skinmed with the currants.

My nutritionist is not listening. Oh, we're all good. Isn't there like two cups of... We don't have butter. There was only Marge in the work fridge, so we're going butterless, which to me, butter's just extra points. I don't think you need butter, to be honest.

I can see green rind. Oh my God, Father. Those are amazing. That is crazy, Megan. What would your nutritionist That is crazy, Megan. What would you, a nutritionist, say about this, Megan?

Um, probably don't eat it. You've got to have a day off sometimes, bud. The cross, the cross,

the cross on the top. I usually pick the cross off if it's like a bit huckery. But this is a nice cross. I said I was only going to take two bites so I'm making them

real good bites. I was going to say that bite was like over a quarter of the bun. Oh my lord. Guys. Jesus Christ. Amen.

It's his weekend and this bun. I don't know if I can stop at two bites. There's no point. You might as well finish it. Producers. You're really good.

How do I? Give Amy the yuck one that's fallen over. Come in. Have a bite. Tell us what you think. Come on. Don't be shy.

Not as a show. He's coming in. Caitlin, why are you coming in? Caitlin doesn't want to. She doesn't want to. Is this show incredible? Come on, these are good. I love when you peer pressure someone to break a diet.

I quite like doughy ones. This is quite doughy, but I'm into it. I'm into the doughiness as well. All right, we'll leave ourselves eating. Have a bite. Anya, what do you think of that? Anya? Oh, no.

It's dribbling on my chin. More dense than I was expecting. Yeah, very dense. Very delicious. Very delicious. Caitlin, don't lick it. Bite it. That's the cross.

It's a custody sort of a vanilla-y situation. Oh, get in there, Caitlin. Can someone take this away from me? James has got the bite of a tradie. Look at that. Yeah. And he's holding it with two fingers. You know when you're a tradie, you get dirty hands,

so you're tradie with a little contact with the food. Yeah. We like that, team. Good. This is a highly unpaid endorsement for these hot cross buns. They don't need it. They were lines out the door already. They sell 2,000 on the Thursday

before Easter. What? Don't eat with your mouth full, please. It's rude.