ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 01 2019

Episode Date: April 30, 2019

The first day of Food Fight: Chippies Edition, Caitlin has a bone to pick with Vaughan and what happened when you danced to hard?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch Forna Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Forna Megan. Good morning. That was very chirpy. Just wanted to come in nice and hot. Now, why aren't you wearing your full hand brace for your carpool tunnel syndrome? I'm wearing my racy everyday one, Like, it's got a bit more movement, so I have to wear that big one when I sleep.

Now, is this doctor's orders, or have you decided this yourself? No, the doctor said I could, because the other one's like a big sleeping bag for your arm. Yeah. And I was like, I can't do this every day. But we want you to get better sooner, and we like laughing at how big and funny it is.

This one had to go through the washing machine yesterday because it was like so brown. It was going green. Oh. I was like, I think that might be like some sort of fungi. So now you say that it does look quite cleaner today. It almost looks like a new colour. Yeah.

Well, back to the original colour that it's supposed to be. Yeah. What have you got on it? Well, it's just on your hand all the time and it touches everything. Yeah, true. I suppose your hands would get pretty manky if you didn't wash them. So how long is this going to take? I don't know.

I don't know. Frustrating. It's going to take exactly how long it takes. Frustrating for you. To look at. Oh, that's frustrating. No, I mean it must be frustrating for you. It's very frustrating.

Yeah. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time, three news headlines. News stories, headlines that I've found that are quirky, unusual, odd, funny news stories. Vaughan and Megan, pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, burglar's butt

dobs them in. Headline two, church memberships soar on joining offer. And headline three, man goes underground after court order. Oh, I kind of want

the church membership soaring. Yeah. What do you want? Let me have a shot at it And if I get it I don't want it Okay Is it a church on a plane?

No Damn it Church on a plane? Oh no that's good though Because I said soaring Oh Yeah Is it a church primarily made up of eagles?

No Damn it You want that one then? What was the other? Man goes underground after court order. Right. Or headline one, burglars butt-dob some in. That's where he butt-dialed the police, eh?

They butt-dialed the police. Yeah. While they were doing their burglarizing. Correct, Vaughn. You picked that one. I want, yeah, we'll go with church. Yes. Okay.

Well, you were close with your eagles and a church on a plane getting high. A church that lets you get high. A church that gives away free weed. A church that said members can smoke weed had 6,000 people join in its first month. Good luck. Well, I went to one of those big old Catholic churches You know when churches were built and it was like The more grandiose it can be the better

You would never have hotboxed the old Morrinsville Catholic Church It was like an upside down bathtub So this is a non-profit church But it sounds like a made up church Leaders there say that while cannabis is illegal in Wisconsin Members are allowed to smoke During services Under the US Freedom Restoration Act.

The church, the Lion of Judah House of Rastafari in Madison, Wisconsin, opened a month ago. But what does their service entail, apart from everyone having a joint? I don't know. I don't think there's a lot. I think they all just get high, to be honest. They encourage people to talk and have fellowship together and break bread. Yeah, break bread and eat bread. We don't have to agree on everything.

We're open. That actually sounds very nice. Yeah, there's an online form and you're 6,000 members. Sounds to me like someone is selling weed and they don't want to pay tax on it. Basically, yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what it sounds like to me. Yeah. Because they're like, oh, God, I didn't bring enough to church. Some it. Basically, yeah. That's what it sounds like to me.

Oh, God, I didn't bring enough to church. Some guy's like, I've got something for you. Exactly, when I started my cereal company and I didn't want to pay corporate tax, I started a church and now it's a very popular cereal. I've got many cereals and I don't pay any tax on them. And it's

amazing I can get away with it. It is amazing in a modern environment that that sort of thing hasn't been clamped right down on. Right down on. You'd think. Given that the most popular religion in New Zealand is no religion at all, it would be very surprising, yes, that that could happen in the modern environment. But then given that, the easiest people to mobilise on voting day

are indeed masses of people at church. Maybe the government that stood against you in your, I'll call it tax dodging, wouldn't see the light of day. Yeah. I feel like you're being very facetious with that whole thing. Yeah, it was. It was, Megan.

So I don't actually have a cereal company. Yeah, I wish I did. I'm still going to try and avoid spoilers for Game of Thrones, which I'm about to talk about. Are we? I don't know when to end that. Yeah, because I'm seeing a lot of articles now about how dark the episode was and memes online.

I think we can... Without going into too much detail, I'm going to mention what kind of happened in the episode. So it's broken a couple of records. It was the, well, it is now the most tweeted about TV episode in history. 7.8 million tweets on Sunday night. How do they measure that with, like, hashtags and... Yeah, I don't actually know.

Keywords. Well, because it would be, when you looked at the trending worldwide, it was, or everything on the trending list was Game of Thrones related. So that's all anything was talking about, anyone was talking about on Twitter. Right. Although who uses Twitter

in New Zealand? I know, that's what I was thinking. It's weird to... Americans still use it quite a bit, eh? Yeah. It's such a hate-filled place.

Oh, it's... It's horrible. I can't remember the last time I went on there. No, I'm the same. I don't use it anymore. And it broke another record. So it's a 67-minute battle,

the Battle of Winterfell. It was the longest battle scene in film and TV history. It's it. HBO have been releasing these amazing behind-the-scenes little docos, and they did a 40-minute one after episode three. Watch it. It's on YouTube. It's free to watch.

Incredible, like how they made everything you can see a lot of the battles but when you watch this behind the scenes can you see why they darkened it i think i think they they do speak about why it was not necessarily so yeah well no and also because it was dark and they wanted it to be scary and they talk about how they broke up the battle with like those other scenes. Right, right. Without going into too much detail. Yeah, right. You know, it does have its like ups and downs.

Light and shade. Yeah, yeah. But fascinating how they made like the stick trench was like steel logs. Steel logs? And they had to have massive gas, like huge, you know those gas. It's like a big gas fire.

Yeah, it was basically a big gas fire. And, you know, those big, like, huge, big long gas tanks to sit next to servos where they keep their gas. And they had, like, four or five of them to run the whole thing. Pumping gas in. Pumping gas in. And just, you see, like, all the, it kind of ruins a bit of the. Magic.

Magic. But what kind of gas burns bright yellow? Gas didn't burn particularly yellowy. You know when you're like in that barbecue. Or like special effects.

Right. Well, yeah, I don't know. They must use some. So where can you find that doco? Well, it's just HBI. If you search

behind the scenes or it's on the official channel. Okay. Yeah, worth a watch though. Yeah. But I think the director's come out hasn't, and said it's meant to be dark. The director has come out and said, I know it wasn't too dark because I shot it.

So he's done a big rant defending it. Pretty much saying it's not his fault. Because when I watched it in the afternoon when it came out, I don't have perfectly dark curtains. Oh my God, neither. A little bit of light was coming in, so it was really hard to see. I was like, whoa, what's going on? I watched it when it was dark with the lights out, and I still couldn't see. Yeah.

I've petitioned for blackout curtains, but apparently they're not like a priority. Oh, really? God, I'll do all my TV watching in the afternoon when I get home from work. Chill out, watch a bit of telly. At night, I'm going to bed when it's already dark outside. I need blackout curtains. Why won't she let you get blackout curtains? They're not a priority.

Well, what is a priority? Saving for a new kitchen. Oh, that seems... God. You've already got a kitchen. Yeah, I know there's a kitchen there. Don't worry about it. Get the curtains and then keep saving for the kitchen.

I say so. Could you just put up a blanket?. Don't worry about it. Get the curtains and then keep saving for the kitchen. I say so. I say so. Could you just put up a blanket? That's what you should do. Put up a gun staple, a blanket. She won't like that because it won't look nice. Yes. And then she'll want to get curtains. I'll go and get some mink blankets from the op shop that have got like car logos.

I'll put a Ford and a Holden right next to each other. That'll confuse everybody. And then I'll put a Bob Marley one in the other window. Playboy one. Yeah, Playboy one. Yeah. One with a weed leaf. That'll force her to get curtains.

Good call, actually. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, 6.24. How's cafe? I was about to say 8.24. I don't know why. Maybe I was hoping the morning was good. 8.24 would be good, yeah.

Scooch it right on through there. 6.24. Although if you were just to fast forward two hours, there'd be some people who are getting dangerous late for work. Kids to school and stuff. Megan, how's the cafe going? It's good, thank you, Bourne. It's been busy.

Could be better though. Well, I mean, you can always improve. Your social media game is good because you're always putting up donuts and slices. If I lived next door to your cafe, I'd be in there all the time. Good, that's the intention. But luckily you live like 20 k's away, so I live 20 k's away from your cafe. And you don't have a car. And I don't have a car, so it's good.

It's saving my waistline. You can feel it from there. I can feel it, yeah. Good. Well, you may be able to improve business by following the lead from a Tokyo cafe. Okay. They have decided cat cafes are so yesterday. Yeah.

Teacup Pig Cafe. Oh, my God. And everyone loves a little micropig. Cute. Yeah. But I always like the And everyone loves a little micro pig. Cute. Yeah. But I've always thought of pink. Yeah, little pink ones.

Like Miley Cyrus had one, right? Yeah. But then it got bigger. No, but didn't she buy a thing that was a teacup pig but then it grew into a full-blown pig?

Because now it's quite big. Yeah, she's like, oh my God, this baby teacup. Everyone's like, well no, that's just how small all baby pigs are.

And then it came out. But teacup pigs do get bigger or are they always little? No, no, no. They're sort of a micro pig. They've been bred to be very, very small and apparently really rare in Japan. Okay. So that was what initially drew people in, going into the cafe and playing with the pigs, seeing the pigs.

Yeah. That's the thing about pigs. Very clean creatures. Yeah, right. Yeah. That's the thing about pigs. Very clean creatures. Yeah, right. They'll always poop in the same spot. When we had pigs growing up, they always did the turds in the same spot. They never pooped near where they ate or where they drank. Smart.

Or where they slept. Right. They always went to the other corner to do poops. If you're a cafe, I guess you just turn them into streaky bacon if they misbehave. Mini streaky bacon. Mini streaky bacon. Oh, my God. Mini streaky bacon if they misbehave. Mini streaky bacon. Mini streaky bacon. Oh my God. Mini streaky bacon.

This sandwich has like seven pieces of tiny bits of bacon on it. Yeah, that's a whole pig. So that's why it's such an expensive sandwich. Because obviously. How do you get on

with the council though when they come around? You're like, yeah, I've got like 10 pigs in my catwalk. Yeah, I don't think Japanese councils are quite running the same as New Zealand councils.

They don't do the AB food ratings. Yeah. Have you got a food rating for yours yet? No, it's still coming. Is it pending? Do they tell you

when they turn up? No. Because I just like the extra claim. But don't they have to go into the kitchen? Yeah, but they don't tell you when they're going to do it.

Oh, right, right, right. They don't book an appointment. It's not just a mystery person like moving around your cafe. Would you like to buy something? No, no. Just have buy something? No, no. Just have a look. No, no.

They tell you that they're there for that reason, but they don't tell you when they're coming. Right, right. Because you give the place an extra spray. I know. What if you are busy? I don't know. You just have to drop everything.

I'd make them take some eggs to the table on the way out. Take that to table two, please. Hey, mate, everyone's chocker. Can you grab and take this to them? Table two's waiting on these. And that's definitely two, please. Hey, mate, everyone's chocker. Can you grab and take this to table two? He's waiting on these. And that's definitely not a cockroach. No. There's a bit of something on that plate, actually.

From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello there. Welcome to the Top Six. It is believed Norwegian fishermen found a whale that they believe is a spy whale for the Russians. It had a harness on it, didn't it? Yeah, it had a harness. But it also just looks like the whale might have got trapped in something at some stage or someone put a belt on a whale.

I don't know. It looks well fitted. But like, what did they expect the whale to see? Well, no're because they're more like dolphins they can be trained can't they yeah yeah but they're saying it's more like um sonar equipment and stuff like that because they can get up close to like boats and stuff and not be i guess detected or yeah be suspected and they can see what kind of boat it is and we should have at least put a white harness on it it's a white whale with like a brown harness.

Yeah, I know. Not camouflage. Not in the street. No. Not subtle. But then also, it seems like such old technology to harness up an animal for spying.

Like surely the Russians just get Facebook to do it. Sure. And they're interfering with elections. They're not sending a... What? What if Donald Trump's just an orangutan and they've shaved him? And sent him one of their other spy animals. Well, these are the top six other spy animals that would make good spies for the Russians.

Number six, birds. They're like nature's drones. Birds. Slap a camera on them and you can get a bird's eye view. Now, I don't think it's any coincidence that birds see things from a bird's eye view. Do you?

Have you thought about that? What came first, the bird or the bird's eye view? I think the bird. Correct, Megan. The bird came first. The bird came first. The bird came first. You're flying along, but you wouldn't be,

you'd have to look down the way you'd have to look. Who? The birds. Well, no, you just put the camera on the bottom. Oh, right, you're saying a strappy camera, right? Yeah. What were you thinking? No, just imagining what it would be like being a bird.

No, because when you look, their eyes are on the side, aren't they? Yeah, pivoting around a bit more. And they look down. I think they've got it sorted anyway. Right, okay. I don't think birds are flying along and being like, shit, I wish I could look down. I'll never know how close the ground is when I'm coming into land.

Number five on the list of the top six spy animals are dogs. They'll be able to get up close for information because everybody just wants to pat the dog yep like that dog will just come in and it'll have like a giant microphone on it but you'll be like hello puppy hello puppy puppy give you a no i'll just give you a scratch collar under your microphone collar anyway so it's government secrets we were talking about while I scratch this dog. Number four on the list of the top six spy animals, spiders.

Because they're always up in corners. They're always up in corners. And nobody wants to touch them. Fit them with a little spider microphone and they'll be up in the corner. You won't even notice them. I can't imagine the spider would be able to carry the battery pack. Tiny battery pack. You'd need a 9-volt battery.

No, it's just a tiny battery because it's a tiny microphone. Everything's just tiny. You know, because they sneak up on you if you've been in the shower and you turn around and the spider was there all along? Like that sort of. Yeah, creepy. Very creepy crawlies. Number three on the list of the top six spy animals

is technically it's more of a pet than an animal. A pet rock. Oh, yeah. Like a rock speaker. It'll go face down and you won't be able to see its eyes. Yeah. And it just looks like any other rock.

It's not very mobile, though. No, you'd have to pick... You'd have to be standing by it. You'd have to pick your spot. You'd definitely have to pre-pick your spot. But yeah, like a rock speaker. Yeah. But a rock microphone.

But upside down so you can't see the eyes that have been painted on it. Number two on the list of the top six spy animals. Monkey. Just a monkey in a suit, like I said before about Donald Trump. An orangutan. They're very sneaky. Monkeys.

I saw a monkey when I was in Bali unzip someone's backpack and steal their Rexona roll-on and take it away. You wouldn't want that Rexona roll-on back because it would have all monkey hairs caught in the ballpark. I was trying to chill it open. Why? I don't know. Without falling for the age-old trick of it smells good, it must taste good, like lip balm. Yes. This mandarin lip balm smells amazing.

Waxy. And the number one on today's top six animals that would make good spice, cats. Because people have sex with their cat on the end of the bed. So, don't they? I mean, I don't anymore. Probably because I don't have sex anymore. More than the fact that the cat's on the bed. But I mean, the cat's on the bed.

Yeah. So it's possible. It's very possible. You just forget about the cat being there. Yeah, right. Oh, it's that the cat's not on the bed. But I mean, the cat's on the bed. Yeah. So it's possible. It's very possible. You just forget about the cat being there. Yeah, right. You're like, oh, it's just the cat. That's what you always say. It's just the cat. Does it give you a disgusted look?

Always used to, yeah. Like the dog would look and be like, well done. Yeah. Great work. The cat would be like, this is disgusting. You're both repulsive. Yeah. Get me some Whiskers biscuits to get over this.

That is today's top six. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Now, we always called it the Canterbury Plains Panther, didn't we? Yeah. But it's been spotted further afield. Near Picton. Yeah, well, that's just the latest spotting. But, you know, as far as like the Tekapo region and around there.

And now it's been spotted even further north. This is sort of one of New Zealand's favourite possible creatures, right? It's like an urban legend. There was a grainy, no, it wasn't too grainy photo that came out last year that was pretty good. That was by Lake Tekapo, right? That was by Lake Tekapo. And that looked like a big black cat.

Yeah. Without a doubt. It looked like to be a standard cat and didn't have the same, like more of the dimensions of a dog, but it didn't. It wasn't a dog. And there are, after talking about it yesterday, there are some myths or urban legends that one escaped from a circus. Yes. Back in the day. That some rich person had a pet.

Yep. And just let it go. So the pregnant one would explain why there's multiple sightings in different spots miles apart. The rumour was that a pregnant, was it a panther? Yeah. Escaped from a circus. Yeah. Hence why there would be, yeah, a couple.

Well, the latest people to spot it have spotted it in the Marlborough-Blenham region. And they're kind of locals. And people are saying they're not crackpots. They're known. That's the best thing. If you spotted something like this, you would have to be pretty sure that people would be able to back you up as not a crackpot. Yeah. If you'd told a couple,

if you were known for your tall tales at Party C or your long yarns for a laugh, which has been a great attribute up until now, but now you're claiming to have seen something that's maybe, maybe not, that's when that would come back to bite you. But Juliana and her partner Warren say they saw the big cat.

We went round an s-bend and there was this great big large um cat it had a big head uh it was definitely a cat head but like a big cat head it was in full flight going left to right and it had a huge long tail that's what i remember about it and it was we know what we saw it was a huge great big cat like big cat wasn't a feral cat if it's a feral cat it's been on steroids for 20 years that's basically my thought on it how sure are you that it was a cat I'm 100% sure and it had one leg up and one leg like this. And I thought, holy shit. That's what I thought.

Look, we saw it, and it was right here, and it went that way, and it was big, and it wasn't a feral cat. God, I wish I had a dash cam. You know, like in Russia, everyone has a dash cam. Yeah, for insurance purposes. Yeah. How great would that have been? Now, Producer James,

you were watching the free-to-air television model last night. I was watching on 7 Sharp, and after the story, I was kind of convinced. I was like, I'm a believer. Oh, I believe them. These people weren't like crazies or anything. They were just like a normal couple, and they were like, I'm sure I saw a cat. And they were talking about it. So there's been 22 sightings since 1992 of this cat.

But shouldn't there be more? No, no, no, no, no. Or if it's out in the bush. The vast, like, the South Island has so much, like, open land. You would have thought there might have been a couple more. But then that's the thing. Like, your cat goes missing or your chickens go missing or one rogue sheep goes missing. You'd write that off.

You'd be like, oh, these things happen in the country. If you're a farmer, wouldn't you see a sheep that was, like, done by a panther? I think you'd see more, like, carcasses or something because what is it eating? You're by the bush and they drag them in there. Oh, unless they're eating kiwis in the bush. Yeah, maybe they're a shy eater.

That would explain why they're so big if they're eating kiwis because lots of protein in a kiwi. And, you know, the eggs are very big. So you have one of those eggs. So did they find any? Because they were at the site where they saw it. They went to the corner and they did like a reenactment sort of thing. Like this is the way it walked and this is the side that I saw it.

And they went to the bush and I don't know if this was set up. I don't know. But all the grass had been pushed to one way like something had walked through there. And they went there and had a look and scoped around the grass and they found some poo. And they were like, okay, we're going to take this and

take it to the guy who tested the poo. This sounds like Jeremy Wells. The cameraman did a poo in the bush. Sounds like a Jeremy Wells stitch up. No, the woman went and got an old envelope, like case out of her car and just like picked up the poo. You can't put shit in an envelope. Put it in there and they're going to take it back.

Yeah, no, they just pick up the envelope. She just picks the poo up and puts it in there and they're going to take it and go get it checked. Was it a big poo? It was a pretty big poo. It was a handful. It wasn't like kitty, like little poos was it was a handful it wasn't like like kitty like little little pose or anything yeah it wasn't little kitty no it wasn't a little kitty

cat i was a pro it was a handful of pose that she grabbed which you'd think a big cat would make okay yeah for sure i'm convinced oh i'm convinced as well but i'm just not convinced that they found poo of the cat some military military drones we could just keep up over the area or something? Like with some heat seeking stuff on it. Heat seeking sensors. Either there's multiple ones or it covers some ground.

You know? Because that's a long way. Surely there's no cats that travel that far. Like if I'm thinking down from Tekapo up to Blenheim, that's a bloody mile. Well, we talked about this yesterday. I know Googled panthers can travel 265 miles.

265 miles. And then that's from where their home is. But if you're wondering... How many k's is that though? It's 529 k's by the road from Blenheim to Tekapo. So it could easily travel. Yeah, so it could easily travel that way. 529km.

Yeah. That's by road. Yeah. That's if it hires a Toyota Corolla from GSM. No, but it's home might be in between Tekapo and Picton. It's in the middle. Yeah, yeah, right. That's why it's getting lazy and easy to spot.

It's far away from home and it's tired. Yeah. Okay. All right, well, be on the lookout if you're around the Marlborough, South Canterbury region. You know, we were just talking about eating it. Just had a message from a friend of the show, Jillian. She said no shortage of rabbits down here.

Oh, yeah. They'd eat the rabbits. Yeah, right. They could eat things without actually ever eating a sheep. And you're not going to see the corpse of that. They just eat the whole thing. That sounds like hard hunting. And empty, empty nutrition in a rabbit, eh?

Yeah, yeah. There's not a lot in it. You don't want to expend too much energy. The fast food of nature. Yeah, well, no, because they won't make you fat, they'll make you lean. It's the celery of nature. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Food Fight. The Chippies Edition.

Yes. So, as always with our food Fight, the Chippies Edition. Yes. So, as always with our food fights, we're on the search this time for the nation's favourite chip, Chippies Edition. So, every hour this week, we're going to have a couple of voting rounds on our Instagram, FVMZM. Now, you can go there right now and vote for these chips.

Now, if a chip loses after 24 hours, it's out. If you don't vote for your favourite, it will be eliminated. And this is hard because these two rounds have both of my favourite chips. Really? Oh, they do. Oh, nicely. I knew, I knew. Two with a four are my favourite.

I knew. Do you think your favourites will push through? Um, I don't think one of them will. No. I'm quite worried, to be honest. Okay. Okay. Well, first round.

Round one, and you can go and vote on our Instagram. FBMZM, it's in the stories. Do your little votey thing in there. Round one. Oh, this is tough. The very first round. I know what I'd choose, but I think... Are we having one every time we do this?

Yep. Trying to be healthy after my holiday. No, no. Oh. As ones are right, they're like... This is really good. Smells really good on opening. Oh, good.

That's a good one. That's a good one. Cheese and bacon rations. A absolute Ki good one. Cheese and bacon rations. A absolute Kiwi classic. Cheese and bacon rations versus Doritos sweet Thai chilli. Oh, no, you spoke through his crunch. Do it again. He's got a mouthful of Doritos.

I've got more in my mouth. Oh, shit. You're our go-to crunch sound effectito. I want a bit more. Give me my mouth. Oh, shit. You're our go-to crunch sound effect guy. It's good foley. You know why? I've got a cavernous gob. I've got a very big mouth. Like a cave.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I can have the acoustics in a cave or an old cathedral, it's really nice. My mouth is a cathedral. I don't need to try that. Because it's been a while since I've had a ration but I have Doritos sweet chilli all the time

like nachos, parties. Those are so good. So where are you voting then? You're voting for Doritos? I will vote Doritos there. So Doritos over rations. So much flavour in a Dorito.

Like I love a ration but man, those Doritos. But do you know what? Some people find those too spicy. Whom? Middle aged white woman? They do. Like my mum? Ooh, ooh, those Doritos. But do you know what? Some people find those too spicy. Whom? Middle-aged white woman?

My mum? What's on this? I'll put those in a bowl at a party and I've had people say, oh, these are quite hot. I'm like, really? That's the perfect chip then, more for you. Yeah, and that's how you know who to ask to leave the party. Exactly. Why are you just huffing the bag? Because I don't want to eat a chippy this early. Megan, I ate a chippy. You've got to eat a chippy. You've got to, no, eat it. Exactly. Why are you just huffing the bag? Because I don't want to eat a chippy this early.

Megan, I ate a chippy. You've got to eat a chippy. You've got to. No, eat it. You have a diet coke at like 6.15 in the morning and you've got a problem with having a chippy at 7.10. Megan, if I had to have a chippy, you have to. Don't bully me into a chippy.

Get the smallest one. Just break a bit off. You've got to taste because you've got to be fresh out the bag. That was pathetic. Listen. That was pathetic. That. That was pathetic. That's 10 minutes on the cross trainer though. Yes, they are delicious.

So what else have we got there? The other bags. I'll spin them across, Magoos. Oh. See, I've got no time for this guy. He's an okay chip to buy, but no real one. Round two you can vote on right now is Bluebird Sour Cream and Chives. Oh, that was dragged out.

I like that. See, this is a classic, but to me it's, oh yeah. It's what your mum thinks is an outrageous chip flavour. Like your mum thinks that's really adventurous. Yeah. Now up against one of my favourite chips ever, Burger Rings. Sour Cream and Chives versus.

You're good at that. We've found your talent. I mean, it's shaken. I'm going to try and see how I crunch. Okay, mate. No, that was good. That was good. It was like a real quick crunch.

Do I have to go slower? No, you don't have to. I'll do the slow crunch. Talk with your mouth, Phil. You're spraying that all over the buttons. I'm sorry. Sorry. Okay, here's my burger ring crunch. Do I have to go slower? No, you don't have to. I'll do the slow crunch. You're spraying that all over the buttons. Okay, here's my burger ring crunch. No, no, it's too mushy. You're doing it too fast.

Take it easy. Get it in the middle and open your mouth as well as you can. It's a secret to a good chip crunch. To me, that is the winner. Burger rings has to beat sour cream and chives blueberry chip. No, I would do Sour Cream and Chives. Would you not? I think Doritos Sweet Chili will beat...

Rations? Rations, but then rations are a childhood favourite. Yeah, the rations have really got that nostalgic buzz to it. Sweet Thai Chili Doritos, they're a Johnny-come-lately into the chip world. Because when were they introduced? Within the last 10 years. Oh yeah five, six

or so. See I think Bluebird sour cream and chives are nostalgic because that's when you have a little bag in your lunch. Yeah yeah yeah. Do you want to know

early voting? Yeah go on early voting. Shock horror Doritos 44% Rations 56. Yeah I'm saying they got the they got the nostalgia buzz.

Sour cream and chives versus Burger Rings. Burger Rings, 57% ahead. Ooh, okay. Now, do you remember every time we've done this, it only takes, I reckon, 1,000 votes, and we can see already you can't come back from 1,000 sample size. No, no, no, I can't change the tide after that many votes. Why?

I would be so upset with people if...itos lose to sour cream and chives. Yuck! No, Doritos is up against rations at sour cream and chives. You're saying Burger Rings. If Burger Rings lose to sour cream and chives. Oh, I'm voting sour cream and chives. Don't vote. I know you do what you want.

That's how democracy works. Don't vote for no, that's right. You can vote for who you like. We live in a democracy. Well, you can vote on our Instagram, FBMZM. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I think that most of us are on board with like paper straws or like no straw, getting rid of straws, plastic straws at least.

Sometimes I find it hard. I just want a straw. But then I feel really guilty. Take a straw with you if you want a metal straw. Have a little straw on your person. I think it's hard. It's easier if you're a girl because you've got your handbag to put your straw in. That's true.

Whereas guys, where do you put it in your pocket and then you sit down and it stabs you in your abdomen? Yeah, because they don't bend it famously, don't they? They don't bend, do they, the steel straws? Well, in the UK, McDonald's have reverted to or gone to paper straws, which is good. That's good. Except people are now upset and they are signing a petition to bring back plastic straws.

The petition sits at 35,000 people because they don't like the paper straws. See, I feel a time limit when there's a paper straw, a time pressure when there's a paper straw. Like, I feel we do need an alternative to plastic straws, but I don't think paper's it, unless you're just drinking an orange juice real quick. Because I got one of those Frappa Rapper Mochaccino

Starbucks things last week, a giant one, and you can't drink that fast because you get brain headache. Brain freeze. Brain freeze. Every headache's a brain headache. A temperature controlled brain freeze. But by the end of that, the straw was so soggy, I couldn't use it. And I still had like two inches at the bottom.

We don't need straws. Take it out and sip it. You only need a straw at the very top. No, but you definitely, for a frappuccino, you definitely need a straw. You don't sip a frappuccino. Because you tip it and you kind of shake it down slowly and then you think you've got it good and then the whole thing comes in your face.

At what? The whole thing slides down the cup. At what? And it's all over your face. Megan's right. You need a straw for a frappuccino. You guys are just bad at handling iced drinks. To me, you only need a straw for a frappuccino. You guys are just bad at handling iced drinks. To me, I needed a straw for the tippy top because it's too hard to sip.

And then once you're halfway down, the straws are needed. That's why you can ditch the paper straw halfway through and then no harm, no foul. But the plastic straws go up turtles' noses. So, yeah, in the UK, so these people aren't happy with the paper straws, they're now reverting to those plastic lids. The ones that you get on a hot drink, they're putting it on the cold drink so you can sip through that. Then you're getting rid of plastic straws and you're replacing it with a plastic lid.

So this is McDonald's in the UK? Yeah. Right. Because McDonald's here still... I can't speak for them lately, but there was plastic straws. The last time I went there was plastic. But they had a sign saying if you don't want one, that'd be great. Yeah, I've said to them, oh, no straws.

Then two straws come out the window and I'm like, no, I didn't want those. But then I found a story from the end of last year saying they were trailing fibre-based straws at New Zealand stores. But I haven't come across one of those. Unless they're what you use. I'm all down for straw alternatives. You know, one plastic thing at a time. We get rid of those single-use plastic bags.

Now we've got those thicker plastic bags that will take like eight times as long to break down. I'm not sure that we really solved a problem there. You know? We got rid of the flimsy plastic bags and replaced them with a thicker plastic bag. Yeah. That doesn't feel like we've solved anything there.

But the straws, I'm all for. I'm all for a paper straw too. Yeah, you're not drinking quick enough. What do you do at your cafe, Megan? Paper straws? There's absolutely no plastic straws. But yeah, some people actually have brought their own straws. Do people do that?

Yeah. Some people bring their own metal straws. Legit. And it's good that you've got... I'm going to have to get a girlfriend so I can use a handbag for my straws. Just get a man bag. Get one of those mum backpacks. Get a satchel.

A mum bag. Like a little mum backpack. Like a teeny tiny little backpack. Right. Put your straws in it. Get a bum bag. Just for a straw. Yeah, bum bag.

Straw bum bag. A bum bag. Yeah, I could actually. But don't wear it around your waist. Remember, you wear it over your shoulders. Yeah, I know. You wear straws in it. Get a bum bag. Yeah, bum bag, straw bum bag. A bum bag. Yeah, I could actually. But don't wear it around your waist. Remember, you wear it over your shoulders. Yeah, I know you wear it over your shoulder. That's the cool thing to do now. Okay, maybe I'll do one of those.

Put your straw in your bum bag. Yes. Just my straw. That's all that's in it. Just a straw. What else are people carrying in those? Your wallet. You know the straw.

You know the bum bag. See, I don't like carrying my wallet unless it's in my pocket. Because then there's a chance it's not. Yeah, we don't live in like Rome. Like no pickpocketers as much, eh? Yeah. I can understand if you were overseas and you had the chest-mounted bum bag. Yeah.

Even though it's a bum bag. No, but it's a fashion accessory. Is it? Yeah. What else is in there? Your keys. Your phone. Your wallet.

Your straw. Your rollies. That is a handy spot, actually. Yeah. Maybe I'll get one. Okay. What brand? FUBU?

FIBA? One of the cool street brands? Yeah. And Billabong? Are they doing one? You just give it a go, Will. Can you please do it and we'll do a photo shoot? Why do we need to do a photo shoot?

I don't know if this trailer ever works for me. With your Timberlands. I'm all about... Yeah, okay. And I'm all to try like this ever works for me. With your Timberlands. I'm all about yeah okay and I'm all about Now she sounds sarky. That did sound

slightly sarcastic. What a great podcast so far wouldn't you agree Fletch? Yes. And it's all thanks to Spark.

Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now back to the podcast. Well there's some arguing behind the scenes. It's Vaughn versus producer Caitlin. Not happy at each other.

There's a breakdown in communications. Currently at the moment, we're running the Food Fight Chippies edition. You can vote on our Instagram, FVMZN. We're looking for the favourite chips. The nation's favourite chips. So yesterday, we decided that we would go and spend some of the show budget

and buy every single packet of chips so that we could... In Food Fight. Yeah, in Food Fight. Now, Producer Caitlin, how many bags was that? It was $56 worth. I don't know how many bags. It's 24. Okay.

So that was that. I had looked really good at the supermarket yesterday. That wasn't embarrassing at all. Did you have a whole supermarket trolley full? I had three countdown bags full. Right, okay. Like the three big bags. Right.

So this is what went down. When we were leaving work yesterday, I got an email, because we get emails saying there's something in the mailroom for you. So I popped down to the mailroom on the way out and I run into Megan down there. I'm like, oh, hey, Megan, haven't seen you for a while. Hey, Vaughn. And there was a massive container there, wasn't there? Yeah.

And so we cut into it with our keys. Yeah. And I don't know why that's a crucial detail, but like I said, you got your keys out and then we cut around it, cut it with a sellotape and opened it up. And in there, there was a whole lot of chips that a chip company had sent us. What chip company was it? Was it? Eater.

Eater. Had sent, said, heard about your- Good from them. Good chip company had sent us. What chip company was it? Was it? Eater. Eater. Had sent, said, heard about you. Good for them. Good for them. Bluebird. Bluebird. Super quick. Nothing.

Quick. God, Eater, quick. And so I said, oh, this is good because these are some of the flavours in here are the ones we're going to be using. Yeah. So we don't have to buy them. And I know Caitlin was going to buy the chips. So I said to Megan, I'll put them in my car.

I'll bring them back tomorrow. And then I got back to the car, and I started a video in the group chat, because I thought I could type it out, but I was like, I just want to get this done. Yeah. So I did a video. Listen, this is the video series.

Hello, I've just been to the mail room, and we've been sent some chips, so don't buy. Eat a ripple cut salt and vinegar. Eat a ripple cut sea salt. Don't buy ripples. See, I list the chips. No nonsense.

You'd say I got into it pretty smartly. If anything, lacking a little pleasantries, I would have thought. Well, it was just the end of the day. I'd been done with the pleasantries. Sea salt and balsamic vinegar. So the list goes on. But no mucking around. pretty much straight into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then on the way home, I get a message from Caitlin to the group chat. There's a message saying, I've been to the supermarket and I've got all the chips apart from cheese balls. Can't find cheese balls. Anywhere. And then I reply saying, well, I'm going past a different supermarket. I'll pop in and see if they've got cheeseballs. And I go in and I find cheeseballs.

I buy two packs of cheeseballs. And then I get home and Caitlin then replies. Hours later. Hours later. Caitlin sends a message to our group chat saying, guys, I can't find cheeseballs. Don't make me go to Pack and Save. Not because you don't like Pack and Save,

but because you'd already been to a supermarket that day. And that's why I messaged and said, don't make me do this, because it was two hours later, because I'd been to all the supermarkets. I'd been going one place to the other to the other. That is the first time I've heard that audio. Because? It's at that stage that Fletch actually says, Caitlin, scroll back up.

Vaughan, absolute hero, Fletch's words. Yeah. Saviour of the show, Fletch's words. Our own personal Jesus, Fletch's words. Has saved the day by buying not one but two packs of cheese balls because I know Fletch will probably, when we open them, he'll eat a lot of cheese balls and we'll need cheese balls if they advance to the next round.

So at that stage, Caitlin's like, well, I didn't watch the, I said, you didn't buy the other chips, did you? Because of the videos. And she's like, what videos? I said, Caitlin, this was important. You ignored my videos and my photo messages. You wasted show budget and we already had the chips. When am I allowed to talk? Can I go now?

Vaughn, every time you send a video, oh my god, it makes me so angry. It is often. You're like, hey guys, oh my god, look at my guys. This is funny. Look at this booger from my nose or something.

I've never shown a booger from my nose before. I know, but it's, like, irrelevant. Does it... Like, I'm so busy. I have a lot on. And you're sending videos... Like, send... Too busy for banter?

Yes, too busy for banter, Bourne. From your mentor? I had to buy 24 packets of chips. You didn't have to buy 24 packets of chips, Caitlin! Bourne, you should have... You probably only had to buy 24 packets of chips on the internet. You didn't have to buy 24 packets of chips, Caitlin. Vaughn, you should have. I only had to buy about 18. Vaughn, don't do videos

when it's serious. I actually thought your video was very helpful, Vaughn. I did too. I thought it was great that you did it. However,

that's what happens when you cry wolf and put up so many silly videos. No one wants to watch them anyway. I'm not crying wolf with my videos. No,

we don't know whether they're important or just bullshit. We'll take them all as being very important. They're not! They're not. You're in our group chat 24-7. I can't get rid of you. And then you see the time code down the bottom is like 1 minute 37. You're like

not today. Not today. Does it hurt that people aren't watching your videos in the group chat, Vaughan? You know what I'm about to do? Or what? Don't delete me from leave chat. You know? I don't watching your videos in the group chat, Vaughn? You know what I'm about to do? Or what? Don't delete me from... Leave chat. You know? Have the chat with everyone.

I don't want to be in your stupid group chat. Next time it's like, yeah, Vaughn hasn't done something. You remember this. I'm out now. You've got me four hours a day. The rest, the 20 other hours, nothing. I'm going to call your wife. Oh, no, that's not true.

We've already had... You can't call her. She's not a paid employee of this company. I'll tell her to ignore your calls. You're also the one at 7am on a Saturday morning. I'm like, no, Vaughn, we are not awake. And we are not ready for another video. I'm awake.

You should be awake. How are you going to sleep at 7 o'clock on a Saturday? Half the bloody day is gone. You're wasting your day off. I'm not going back in that group chat either. You can all get stuffed. I'm leaving every work related group chat.

I'm leaving that one with Ross as well. It was a very helpful video though, Bourne. You can explain to him where I've gone. You give me four hours a day, not an hour more. Sorry, but that's the problem. We do get hour more. No, but that's the problem. We do get you more. No, not anymore. You don't.

You'll be paying. If you want it, you'll be paying. I'll be invoicing. I've got an invoicing system. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. I want to talk about

when you've danced too hard. What happened? Because a woman in China has danced too hard and she, so she was dancing really hard. What kind of dancing? It doesn't describe it actually. That would be important, but it doesn't say.

She has had to be rushed to hospital. How old is she? She's 60. So it could have been the Macarena. I'm just worried now. I don't know what's happened. So she, I'm going to use actual terms because I don't know how else to broach this. Okay.

So she went to the doctor and the doctor discovered that the woman's uterus had slipped down and fallen out. Entirely. Can the uterus do that? It can. What holds it in there? A couple of 3M master hooks? Like, what's the... It's called a uterine prolapse.

A prolapse? How does that happen? From dancing. What kind of dancing was she doing? So she said it was from dancing and he said, look, it could have been weakened from childbirth. It could have been lots of reasons. But it was the Macarena that kind of wiggled it out. Oh my God.

Or a tango, maybe. I just, I mean, I've got one, so my legs are crossed. What's a horn? I've never thought about it. Well, you see the diagram, don't you? And it's got the little thing and then the bull's horns. Yeah. It looks like a bull's head.

Yeah. And then the horns come in. Those are the fear, your fallopian tubes. Good on you, sister. And then at the end, you've got your Meg factories. Yeah. The cage hens. And yeah, they're not going anywhere.

You always say that and you're always like, it's in there, but what's holding any of it in anywhere? What holds your heart there? Is there some strings? Well, it's got lungs, veins and arteries. Yeah, it's all just the ribs and cavities. It's all pushed in. It's like a pie.

What holds all that in? Pastry. Our skin is the pastry. Yeah. It's like a pie. What holds all that in? The pastry. Our skin is the pastry. Yeah. Oh. And if you squeeze a pie... It all comes out. It all comes out, doesn't it?

And if you squeeze a human... I just would have thought that all would have been held in with stuff. Like tendons. Like you said, there's various reasons that could have happened.

Yeah. But, I mean, the dancing too hard was what... Yeah. So we want to know when you've danced too hard, how did you injure yourself? And I doubt we're going to get a prolapsed Vahina story today. But maybe you have had an injury dancing too hard.

Producer Caitlin, you have injured yourself twice dancing on separate occasions. Yeah, so, well, because I used to be a dancer when I was younger, but this was non-related to that. I was a dancer when you were younger. Yeah, I danced for like 10 years. What kind of dance? American jazz.

American jazz? I wasn't a dance teacher. I taught dance. I remember she did productions, but they took her microphone away because she was good at dancing, but not so much singing. Thanks, Megan. Sorry, but you're a great dancer. Thank you for remembering that.

I'm just going to imagine that now. Terrible singer. Can you dance now, American Jazz? No. Come in here and do it. No, I'm not going to. Just do a little bit. Come in here and show us a little.

I'll play an American song with my mouth. No, it's just weird that they call it American Jazz. It's just the... But what do you do? So you do exams. Like, I did exams every year. It was very... Mum and Dad had to take me to Timaru twice a week

from fairly to... Is it different to jazz ballet? Because lots of girls at once... It's American jazz slash ballet. Right. That's what lots of... Okay. And so what did you...

Is it like British jazz, but you did it on the other side of the road or something? What's the main difference? I don't know, Vaughan. I think it's just this curricula comes from America. I don't know. So I laugh at my childhood hobby. How did you injure yourself?

Well, I tore my hamstring during the splits at dancing. And then because I was like, well, I was young and went to a party. And why, Maddie? That's another story. I was like, look, guys, I can do the splits and did it on the other leg. But then I tore that hamstring. So I had two torn hamstrings at one time. Okay, so that's all we want to ask you this morning.

When did you injure yourself dancing too hard? Maybe you got up on the table at the Outback or whatever bar you frequent. And that was a bad idea. Do you know, yeah, we'd love to hear those stories. Just a little bit more on the prolapse uterus. No, we don't need to hear any.

Apparently, because I was like, you must be in horrendous pain. Apparently not. It could just feel like a lower back strain. So she probably went to the doctor and she's like,

what happened? And he's like, let's check you out. Oh, Jesus. Like, right, okay. 0800, 0800, dials at M9696. When did you injure yourself dancing too hard? So we want to know when you hurt yourself dancing too hard.

Angie, what happened? Morning. Yeah, so about a month before my wedding, I was at a nightclub with my soon-to-be husband. And we'd gone out on the dance floor with a drink in hand, and he was about to have a sip, and he was dancing a bit crazy and smashed my teeth, my front teeth in, so yeah, had to get that fixed. Wow, and did you get them fixed before the wedding? Yeah, I had to.

It wouldn't be good photos, so. No, no, it wouldn't be good photos. That'll really blow out the wedding budget, though. Or the Photoshop budget. Yeah. Especially at unexpected expense. Well, no, I'm dead. I think it'd be cheaper to Photoshop the teeth

and then get them actually physically fixed. True. Angie, thanks. You're cool. Mel, what happened? Okay, so this happened to my mum. It was Christmas Eve and she went to a feelers concert and she tore both of her Achilles.

A feelers concert on Christmas Eve. Do you know what song it was? I have absolutely no idea. Wow. Both Achilles. She was getting into it. Mums having to be pulled out of the mosh pit at the feelers. I had to make a toilet in the lounge for her.

Because she was just bed bound for so long. I feel bad laughing now. You say a toilet in the lounge for her because she was just bed-bound for so long. I feel bad laughing now. You say a toilet in the lounge, by the way, that's just like a bucket, really, isn't it? It's one of those. Yes. All right.

Thanks, you, Cornel. Amy, when did you hurt yourself dancing too hard? Do you remember, like, back in the day, we used to do, drops like the like you know an S drop thank you for not chucking that word around I know what word

you were going to use at the start yep okay yep or did a drop anyway for me my mates were like doing a drop

and I forgot that I had a wine bottle behind me and I sat on it I was going to say because sometimes you'd put a bottle down and you'd do the drop and try to

knock the bottle over wouldn't you with your uh yeah yeah yeah yeah right okay you sat on it did you have to go to a doctor no it didn't fit so i was lucky i just sort of bounced back up it wasn't the smashing that i was worried about. It came out without the cork on and that since has been a party trick. Amy, thanks for your call. Awesome text messages. Somebody said, I broke my, I dislocated my shoulder, sorry. A song came on and it was like, take your shirt off. And I was like, woo!

And I like ripped my shirt off, but I did it too hard and I popped a shoulder out. Popped a shoulder out. Somebody said I was at a dance party once and I had a very dry mouth. So we can kind of fill in what happened before. In the lead up to the dry mouth, we know what's happened. Oh, yeah, right. I thought I'll get the, yeah, that's right, Fletchie's on. He's there now.

I got it. And I thought I'll get the saliva going by giving my tongue a chew. What? Is that a thing? I bit it too hard and my tongue needed stitches. Wow. What? I was doing the time warp and when it said jump to the left, my knee crumbled and dislocated.

I had to get fluid drained from it. It's never been the same since. Never been the same since. Never been the same since. Wow. Somebody said, just this last Saturday gone, I went to a 40th, and this old shorty locked and popped it a little too hard. Pulled a quad. A quad?

Pulled a quad. Indy Club at about 2 a.m. Sweatshoulder Mine comes on. Dancing Sister jumps off the stage and lands on her knees. Oh, my God, no. Knee reconstruction needed on both knees as she did very, very bad damage. What was she thinking? Those will never be the same.

She's like, I'm drunk. Oh, my knees will say. Jump off in a rock and roll style and land on my knees. No. I was full of liquid courage and I thought, I'm pretty sure I can still do the worm. It's been 30 kg since I lasted the worm. Oh, no.

I dropped down, but the belly threw me forward faster than expected and I broke my jaw in three places. ACC must have some good stats on dancing. I'd say the ACC office on a Monday or a Tuesday after a weekend of binge drinking would always be entertaining. Can I just, now that we're finished talking about the injuries, just dance back to, pun intended, to the start that got us talking about this. Yep.

The prolapsed uterus situation. The woman, yes. We've had a serious message in. Okay. From a physio that specializes in this stuff. Really? It is held in place by ligaments and supported underneath by pelvic floor muscles. As a physio, I specialize in this sort of stuff.

And we know that 50 to 70% of all women will have a degree of prolapse in their lifetime. It's coming. And it's always the women that don't do the pelvic floor exercises. So, ladies. I always do my kegels. You know that. Do your kegels. Sometimes I'll just see you tensing.

And I'll be like, kegels again? And you'll be like, yes. So, do your pelvic floor exercises. Megan actually looks very worried. That's terrifying, that stat. That's a terrifying stat. 50% to 70% of all women will have it. They call it a pop.

She says we call it a pop. Okay. In their lifetime. It's good to hear from a medical professional. Do your pelvic floor exercises. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Food Fight. The Chippies Edition. So we've done Food Fight before for various different foods.

This time we're setting our sights on Chippies So we've done Food Fight before for various different foods. This time we're setting our sights on chippies and searching for New Zealand's favourite chippie. You can vote at our Instagram. Just give you an update on how the voting from the first round's going. We started this last hour. We're about to have two fresh new rounds. But last hour's rounds, it was Doritos versus rations. Now, not just Doritos, sweet Thai chilli.

Doritos, sweet Thai chilli, yes. Thai sweet chilli, actually. Thai sweet chilli is what they're called. Maybe that's the get-around sweet Thai chilli. Copy that right? Sure. The rations, rations, 53%. Sweet Thai chilli, 47%.

Oh, Fletch, heartbreak. Nostalgia dragging them through the air. I don't hate rations, but if you were going to pick a chip now to have at a party, you'd have the Doritos over the rations. How old are you? I'm this age. You're this age.

I'm not a kid. You're not thinking about pleasing a party. You're thinking about which one you want to eat yourself. Yeah, I'd still go Doritos. I'm disappointed, New Zealand. I'm disappointed. And the second round, sour cream and chives. Bluebird sour cream and chives versus Burger Rings.

Burger Rings winning 58% to 42%. But then that's quite, 42% of people would rather a sour cream and chives. Yeah, I would rather the chippy. Right, well, we've got new rounds. And we've actually gone out and we've purchased a pack of every chippy. Because, you know, it's important that we try them. Yes. And we try them as we do them.

As we found out at 7 o'clock, you have the perfect mouth. Cabinus gob. A cabinus gob for a chip sound effect crunch. Yeah. Okay, so. Give it a snap. The first round kicking off. These have changed.

Oh, don't say that. They've changed. What do you mean? Show me. They look different. They're smaller and they're thinner. They're toadier. They're not long.

Wait a minute. Since when have sun bites owned grain waves? What? They're grain waves. Yeah, they are. They never had sun bites written above it. I don't know. And it's a bigger bag.

It's a bigger bag, but the chip itself is smaller. Wasn't it bluebird? What's happened here yeah they look different they used to be a long different called it longer they were bigger and they were thicker oh how was he not enough an outrage over this have we got the right bag did they sneak us did they sneak it around with the bigger bag i don't know we'll try it and give us a crunch oh no no no that was great. It sounded great, but you're saying it doesn't taste?

Give us a try. It doesn't taste like old grain waves. They've changed. When did they do this? Yeah, you're right, actually. It's a bit different, isn't it? I mean, it still kind of tastes. The look on your face is depo.

There's got to be disqualification. Because people are going to vote for grain waves on historic grain waves. Have we missed a change over here? Or have we got a different bag? Has someone got to knock off? No, because they couldn't call them grain waves if they weren't the original grain waves. So look, they're still under the bluebird umbrella, but they definitely say sun bites now. So it must be a new recipe.

No, they're disgusting. I don't like them anymore. Oh, no. They're not the brainwaves we've come to love. Well, what are they up against? Just bear that in mind when you're voting, you see. Oh, my gosh. Bear that in mind.

Wow. Oh, no. They're up against, in my opinion, the filth of all chips. This is why we're friends, because unanimously we're not on board. These chips are yuck. Bluebird chicken chips. Yuck! No, but do you know, people love these.

People are stupid. I'd probably go these over the new Grain Waves, though. We're going to need to clean up on all three. Someone spat chips everywhere. Oh, you know what? Oh, this is a dud. To me, this is a dud round because those are not the grain waves that I love from my childhood. So what would you vote for?

Change the grain wave. What would you vote for out of the two? I would, what do they call it when you don't vote? Abscond? Abstain. Abstain. What's abscond? It's when you leave.

Isn't that when you run away? You donate your scone. You donate the scone. It scones when you run away. You donate sconesone. You donate the scone. It's scones when you run away. You donate scones because they're not good for your abs. You abscond. Okay, so that's round one that you can vote on now. Now this next round.

You're leaving hurriedly and secretly, typically to engage, escape from custody, or to avoid arrest. Oh, okay, I'm not absconding. I'm abstaining. It was one of the abs things. So this second round, this is going to be, this is to me, this is a very tough first round because up first,

and you can vote on these again at our Instagram. Oh, yummy. What's that? The king of all chips. God, you just made me want to eat a bag of chips. This is salt and vinegar. Bluebird salt and vinegar. Up against.

Oh, I'm voting for these. Oh! That smell on opening. I'm not quite up there with burger rings. The smell alone made my body tingle. Oh, God, you're good at that. It's your cavernous gob. Cheese balls. So it's cheese balls v salt and vinegar bluebird. cheese balls so it's cheese balls the

salt and vinegar bluebird yeah those are the cheese balls those are your cheese balls those are your cheese balls that no one loves I could eat a whole

pack of these and I have you know I've witnessed it it was quite something and then at the end your mouth's just like please you have water

I need water. So the votes. Early voting. And you can go to our Instagram, FVMZM. I knew we could go on about chippy.

Oh, I had the voting loaded up and then I voted, so it was 100% in my favour. Oh, cheese balls are getting obliterated by salt and vinegar.

71% for salt and vinegar. I'm so disappointed, New Zealand. And grain waves just ahead of chicken. Okay. All right, New Zealand. And Grainwaves just a head of chicken. Okay. All right, well, you can vote at our Instagram. Yes, Junior, absolutely.

We are just aghast. Aghast. Appalled. About the change in the Grainwaves. Now, the minute I opened that bag as part of the Food Fight Chippy Wars edition, the minute I opened the bag, I looked in, didn't I? And you'd be able to look back on the footage and see my face. I was so confused.

It's like somebody said, remember Grandad? And I look at him and I'm like, you're not Grandad. Well, this probably just shows how long ago we've eaten grain waves. I'm a man-grain myself. Could I let this slide by without some sort of mass protest? Can they put on the front, bigger bag, more to share? It's like, no. They're trying to win us over, Grandad.

That's not our Grandad. Two years ago, and people are messaging in, there was even a Reddit sub-thread that we found. Yeah, people are saying, Sunbites took over two years ago and life's never been the same. Somebody else said that, oh, my dad used to love Grainwaves. They changed to the new branding a couple of years ago. He refuses to buy them now.

Most people say that they've just opted out of the Grainwaves game. They're not as good. We are going to have to talk after the show about a possible elimination. Yeah, because we didn't put them in on this latest Sunbites Grainwaves. And we can't be sure if people are voting on current Grainwaves or Nostalgic. Well, they might be like us. They might not have had Grainwaves for a little while and they've got a Nostalgic place in their mind.

But I tell you what, there'll be an investigation. Why would you change the winning formula? It's on, isn't it? I don't know because it's still only got two stars on the health thing. It's still a chip.

Oh man, I'm not buying a bag of chips thinking it's healthy. I only buy chips that are four stars or above. I'll say you're not buying chips, no. Never buy chips, no.

Speaking of food because we have to eat, don't we, to live. Yeah. So it seems like a good topic to kind of talk about it any day. There has been a, the Auckland restaurant Pasture has been awarded the Metro Peugeot Restaurant of the Year-o. What's Peugeot doing? Well, Metro's a magazine and Peugeot must pay to be part of this Restaurant of the Year. Because it's always a massive thing, Metro Magazine.

Yeah. Top 50 restaurants and stuff. Okay. So this immediately caught my attention. Because you love restaurants and food. But have any of us actually heard of that place before? I haven't heard of it. It's not really that surprising.

I haven't heard of it. I've eaten at the second place. Have you? Yeah. It's like wild foods and like hunted animals. It's not really that surprising. I hadn't heard of it. I've eaten it the second place. Have you? Yeah. It's like wild foods and like hunted animals. It was free, wasn't it? Yes, of course it was. But it's amazing. Yeah, right. So I was like, this place I've been to must be

very good. Pasture. So I'm like, well this seems like a great like look forward to date night situation. Get a little seat at Pasture because it always, here's a, even if they were in the top 50 thing, you can always be like, they were in the Metro top 50 and it's an impressive thing when you go on date night

to chuck a, I thought about this, I put some thought into this, this is a highly thought of restaurant. So I was like, I'll look into this. Auckland's best restaurant only has six seats.

Six seats. Last night, the six seat Parnellbased restaurant claimed the title of Metro Peugeot Restaurant of the Year with owner Ed Verner, also named Best Chef. So you've got a double there. You've got Best Restaurant. You've got Best Chef. Yeah. Six seats?

How's he paying the bills? Are the meals like $1,000 each? They must be. I've gone to the website. It says we're small, independent with six seats. Do you mean six tables? No. No.

There's two seatings per night. So there's serving 12 people per night. Oh, okay. I'm never going to get in. That must be so expensive. Is the menu there? Does it have the menu on it? No, you should see the website.

It's such a mystery. It's got me hooked. It's like, it's going to be hard to get in. They don't tell you what they've got until you get there. It doesn't accommodate dietary restrictions. So no vego, no pescateria, no egg or dairy restrictions. So there'll be a lot of mates. Some allergies might be accommodated.

So you don't even know what you're going to eat. You just book and you're like. That's good though because with no vegans going and no people who have gluten intolerance, that's less people on the line.

It's now become slightly easy to get into a six seat restaurant. That'll be booked out and because it's won the best restaurant. I know. Oh, that's quite cunning, isn't it?

They could have given me a heads up. We're about to name a very hard restaurant to get into. Right. I just. But that's the best recipe. I know. Oh, that's quite cunning, isn't it? They could have given me a heads up. We're about to name a very hard restaurant together. Right. I just, it must be expensive. But that's the other thing. So you don't know what you're going to get. You don't know what you're going to eat.

And you also don't know how much it's going to cost. Oowee. And you'd be around something. Go on their Instagram. There's, okay, it's, what is that? It looks like. I mean, when Megan goes oowee, you know it's good. No, I don't know Megan goes, ooh-weh, you know it's good. No, I don't know if it's good.

I'm just like, you might have to eat a few meals. What's that? Is that their salt dish? No, it's a bit of cheese curd on the salt. There's not enough food there. Go to another picture. Is it small plates or big plates? It's dirty plate situation.

One, two, three, four. See, all of us could go and produce this. That'd be the restaurant would be full. Yeah. See, like, you've got six people and you've got rent to pay. And you sit down and they're like, would you like wine? And they're like, no, thank you. Just water.

You'd be like, no. That's not how it works here. We've got a rent to pay. You are drinking a bottle of wine, son. We're not ever going here. This is fancy AF. Would they let me in in my track pants? No.

It's one of those restaurants where you go to and it's really nice and then afterwards you get something to eat on the way home. Yeah. I reckon. I don't mind those restaurants because it's little. It's always tiny. Like you don't take your parents there because they're like, where's the rest?

There's Mutton Bird at that particular time. Mutton bird? Buffalo milk, bee pollen and elderflower. See, no, this is so fancy, guys. Yeah, I don't think I'd ever get on. Oh, okay, so it's exclusive and they're getting mutton birds from the middle of the Arctic Antarctic Sea. Six people.

I know. Nuts. Like, more people can fit at that waiting bench at McDonald's. And that's just where you sit while you're waiting. Yeah. Six people. You couldn't even go with your family, could you? Look, I could go with my immediate family, but if I wanted to, you could.

There's four of us. Less. Less. Less. Yeah. Well, I could take my immediate family, but, yeah, you couldn't go for a – it would be good for that. I don't like going out with too many people,

so that would kind of be – Yeah. At the same time. You wouldn't want to pay last. No. I've had the mutton bird with buffalo milk curd. Nobody. Typical.

Okay, I'll pay it. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about how old your dog is in dog years. You know dog years? Oh, mine's about to turn 21. Well, I know cat years is seven, isn't it, for every human? No. Is it not? I thought dog years was seven. Dog. Well, I know cat years is seven, isn't it, for every human? No. Is it not?

I thought dog years was seven. Dog years is traditionally seven. Cat years is... But then it's weird because cats can live an insanely long time. Cat years. Was it nine? I always thought it was nine. A popular misconception is that cats age seven years in human years for each calendar year. In fact, feline ageing is more rapid during the first two years of life.

So that's the same with dogs. Right. So today's fact of the day is that your dog, one human year is not equal to seven dog years. A canine expert has made it more accurate. In the first two years, your dog ages ten and a half dog years. In the first two human years. So if you've got a two-year-old dog, it's the equivalent of having a 21-year-old dog. If you've got a two-year-old cat, it's the equivalent of a 24-year-old.

Right. So in the first two years, how much does a cat age? 24. And the first year, 15. So it's 12 years. 15. 15 after year one for a cat. Yeah.

And then 24 after two. So if you've got a one year old cat it's a teenager yeah no that's you've missed Leo's 21st I was about to throw up at 21st

his 21st is in what is he going to do a yardie of water 22 days I was going to get all his puppy friends along and make puppy cakes

I'm still going to call that his 21st well you're not busy enough eh running a cafe doing this job planning this 21st Well you're not busy enough eh Running a cafe Doing this job Planning a 21st for your stupid dog I might have a dog 21st

Well you are not invited So there's a calculator 10 and a half dog years per human year for the first two years Then four dog years per human year For each year after This is I'm looking at the cat chart. This is nuts.

So a cat that's three to six years is 28 to 40 years old. A mature cat, which is seven to 10 years old, is 44 to 56 years old. If your cat's 11 to 44, that's the equivalent of 60 to 70. 11 to 14, not 40. Sorry, 11 to 14 is the equivalent of 60 to 72.

Yeah. And if your cat's 15 years plus, that's the equivalent to it being 76 to 100 plus years. Wow. That's nuts, eh? Someone sent me a photo the other day of their cat, and it was 22 years old. And I called absolute bullsh on it.

Yeah. And they sent me a photo of when they got it for their fourth birthday, and they're 26. Wow. I was like, okay, that cat. You can't argue with that. Be careful with that cat. It's a 26. Wow. I was like You can't argue with that. Be careful with that cat. It's a fact. 22? Is it just like

No, it looked alright. That was the way I called bullsh on it. I was like, yeah, right. The cat's 22 years old. Does it just sound like it's going and dust comes out. It's furballs and tumbleweeds.

So you can work it out, how old's your dog? Three. He's about to be three. Your dog is 25. Because they grow up so fast, don't they? Oh my God,

they do. How old's my dog? When did I get my dog? 2007. 12. Oh no, this is going to be sad, isn't it? My dog's 61.

Oh, Lulu. It is actually. Lulu's slowing down. It looks like a 61-year-old. No, it's not quite 61. It's like one of those. She looks 61. Really?

Yeah, last time I came around, she was all like skinny and now. I was like, I can see why you got a new one. Yeah, crossover period. The kids are in the car too, so this is good chat. Everything dies. Oh, no, they know everything dies. But no, I think Lily's got a few good years left in this. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, running teeth, heart condition, but, you know, that's just... That's life, isn't it? What happens when you accidentally buy a dog from a puppy farm before a factory, before you're kind of... I know, because your puppy, that was on Campbell Live, wasn't it? I know. It was. Remember, you've only got a dog from a puppy farm before a puppy factory, before you're kind of... I know, because your puppy, that was on Campbell Live, wasn't it? I don't know. It was. Remember, you've only got a dog. Pre-waking up. Pre-wokeness to pets.

We just got a dog, and then there was this thing on Campbell Live about this woman who was cranking out a puppy factory, and I was like, what? And I was like, that's the same area we got Lulu in, and I checked the address on the receipt, and it was the same place. And then the vet's like, that's why she's got some Lulu in. And I checked the address on the receipt and it was the same place. And then the vet's like, oh, yeah, that's why she's got some health issues. But she's still kicking around.

Yeah, still fine. Still doing all right. Still great. Yeah. Anyway. Just be, from my mistake, take a lesson. Investigate these things a little bit more because you're going to have that for life. Not only is it not good and horrible for the dogs,

both the puppies being born and the dogs being forced to just produce these things over and over, health issues also are a concern. Yeah, you end up paying, don't you? All right. That is today's... No, I'm just going to repeat it. I always repeat it.

Sorry. Then we do that. So today's fact of the day is one human year is an equivalent to seven dog years. The first two years are ten and a half years each, and then four dog years per human year after that. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Well, in Canada, Instagram are testing something, which could be good.

In Canada? In Canada. See, at the moment, just in Canada, by the looks of things, people are posting screenshots of their feed or their notice, which comes up when they log into Instagram or open it for the first time. And Instagram are trialing hiding like counts from both a post's viewers and its author. So if you're going to post a photo of you on holiday, you can still log on and see a

list of everyone who's liked the photo or video, but it won't give you a count. I would have to literally count manually how many people would like it. Yeah, you would. And if I was looking at your post, I wouldn't think, oh, like a couple of hundred people have liked this. I better like it as well. I better like it. Well, yeah.

Or they've got more likes than me. So I won't like them. You won't be able to say you've got more likes on that photo that we both put up. What about follower counts? Is that going to be? Apparently they're looking to make that less prominent on the main screen as well. It's just an experiment, they say at this stage. But that, I don't see, that's not a bad thing, right?

What are they hoping to get out of this? Well, so this is a message that comes up for some Canadians when they've logged on. Testing a change to how you see likes. We want your followers to focus on what you share, not on how many likes your posts get. During this test, only you will be able to see the total number of likes on your post. Oh, so you can still see your own? Well, you can, but I don't think the number. You can just then that's not what they said. Well, you can,

but I don't think the number. You can just see that people have liked it. A list. Right. Why? Because it's like, it's trying to, it's affecting

our mental health, Bourne. Oh, okay. And it's creating competitive nature. While many initially shocked, they thought it would make Instagram usage healthier and cut back on some of the toxic anxiety produced

staring at the little numbers. Really? Because I know people that get really upset by a post if it's not doing well. Like, I'll put up a photo, whatever. I'm not too fussed by it, but some people actually sit there waiting for their posting.

God, I've got some jobs they could do. I know, but... But then if... Like, seriously, though, if you could put up a post and it doesn't get as many likes as what you're used to even, you'd be like,

huh, why don't people like that photo? Oh, don't do that to yourselves. What are you not doing that for? People are. That's the whole problem with Instagram. That's why people go on, you know, like hiatus and like don't use it for a day or two because it makes you feel anxious.

Yeah, well, do whatever you can to not feel that because that's not good for you. It's not going to stop the comparison, though, when you look in your news feed and you're comparing someone's – it's still going to be a highlights reel of someone's life. You're still going to be seeing, like, these amazing photos and comparing yourself, but you just won't see the likes anymore. It could be good.

It could be a good thing. Yeah. It's a good thing. Yeah, I just, I struggle to, I do understand that people do get that, but I kind of don't understand why they can't just not, you know what I mean? Because it's how your brain works. Yeah, yeah, I know. It's weird.

It's sad, isn't it? Yeah. That that can be something that you have to worry about. I know it's always the easiest argument to compare it to people who have it harder than you, but some people have to worry about, like, if they're going to get clean drinking water, for example. Yeah.

But it's all relative, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand it's relative, but maybe. I saw someone doing something recently where every morning when they wake up, the first thing they do, they don't go on their phone. The first thing they do is they have to write down three things they're grateful for. And they said it turns around the start of their day

to being more positive. I don't have time for that. Geez. Yeah, but you don't look at your phone in the morning. You just get up and you get on with it. Whereas most people would wake up and scroll through apps, right? Well, because it's in my hand because they have to turn off the alarm. Yeah.

I'm like, shush, alarm. Well, rather than going to an app, go to a notepad and write three things you're grateful for. Cheese. Fine. Chips. Every day, that's a constant. Is it just going to be all food related? I mean, but you can't probably eat every day.

Does it have to be food every time? No, no, no, no, no, no. It's best that you think about things. You've got like two legs that carry you where you need to be. Yeah, okay. You've got people that love you. I don't know who they are, but they're out there. Is it you?

Do you love me? I love you. Okay, thank you. I'll write that down tomorrow. You are so cute. I do. Oh, bless you, wee heart. I'm going to write that down on my little notepad.

Vaughn loves me. Please do. Everybody on the show can write down that Vaughn loves them. Except for Caitlin. Well, when are you going to start showing it? Because we're fighting. We're beefing at the moment. We've got some 1990s rap beef.

If you could start showing it, that'd be real great. This is how I show it. I say it every now and then. Yeah, you tease us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know it's because I love you. Yeah. ZM's Fletch Vaughan and Megan.

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