ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 02 2018

Episode Date: May 1, 2018

Megan tries again to pronounce 'Tarantula', Am I A Bad Person and what is the one thing your potential partner has to have?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Capture life like never before with the Samsung Galaxy S9. I told you you should have done it, Megan. No, I tell you, that was great. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. I feel like everyone is counting their chickens way too early with that Nobel Peace Prize. We don't have peace yet.

Kim Jong, which one is he? Eun. Eun don't have peace yet. Kim Jong, which one is he? Eun. Eun just went and had dinner. Like, calm down. Let's chill out. Yeah, I don't trust him just yet.

My wife's the same. She doesn't trust him. She thinks he's going to train down because I don't even know if there are railway linking North and South Korea. It doesn't feel like

there would be because of the demilitarisation. Oh, they might have shut them off, yeah. But he does train. He loves training. He trained to China, didn't he? His father was famously scared of flying.

And he built a special, he's got a special train. It's all like bulletproof and stuff. So she thinks, Sade thinks he's going to train down to South Korea and leave the train there and be like, oh, I'm going to catch a cab back

or plane or whatever. Right, okay. And then he's going to go back and then when he's over the border the train's going to blow up like nuclear bomb styles. Like a Trojan train. Yeah.

Exactly. Exactly. Right. Okay. She's thinking a lot about North and South Korea. It's really weird every time it's on the news.

Oh, no, no. Don't trust that situation. Don't trust him. He's a slippery character, isn't he? Yes, he is. You and he would get on famously with your similar thoughts of North Korean dictator. Let's trust him.

Well, yeah, I can't see Donald Trump getting the Peace Prize. I can't imagine anyone that awards that would be a fan of him personally, and that'll be enough to stop that, hopefully. Yeah, hopefully. I've encouraged anything but peace, really. Victoria University talking about changing its name. We're going to deal with this in. Yeah, hopefully. No, I've encouraged anything but peace, really. Victoria University talking about changing its name. We're going to deal with this in the top six soon. Yeah, the top six names I'd like to put forward

for Vic University. If we're changing the name, let's change it. Because they want to call it, Anya, do you know, they want to call it Wellington University? Is that what they want to change it to? I don't know. You're in charge of the news. You're in charge of the news.

You're in charge of the news. I saw the name last night. Hold on, I'm Googling it. Should we all just wait for you to... Yes, please. I'll maybe use this opportunity to say that we've got the $200,000... University of Wellington. Excuse me, I'm in the middle of... You took ages to Google it and it wasn't as suspected. It was,000... University of Wellington. Excuse me, I'm in the middle of...

You took ages to Google it and it wasn't as suspected. It was as suspected, University of Wellington. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines for three interesting, unusual, weird, quirky news stories that I've found online from around the world. Lorne and Megan, pick one of these headlines, please.

Headline one, flames damage crematorium. Headline two, men lose tips. Headline three, burglars use classic distraction technique. Tips of what? Men lose tips. Oh, of fingers? Fingers. Of penises?

Of the financial variety? Tips of the nose? I'm not... Well, if you want that story, we can go there. What was three again? Burglars use classic distraction technique. That's good. No, tips, I think.

Yeah, I agree. Tips of what? Tips of what? Men lose tips. Go on. Penis. Well, we go to Mozambique now. Oh, really?

100,000 men are, yes, Megan, to lose the tips of their penises. A mass circumcision? A mass cirque is coming to town. Yikes. And I'm not talking about the Webber's Brothers Cirque. I'm talking about... Or Cirque Brothers Cirque. I'm talking about. It's not fun. No.

Circumcision de Soleil would be great because they come out, they'd be like. Some guy in blue swings down from the thing. Why is he in blue? At the beginning of time. They're always in blue. And then. Someone comes out on stilts, does a flip on a trampoline. And then you look down and you're like,

I didn't even notice my foreskin was gone. And they're dancing around with giant scissors. Oh, my God. Oh, wow. Cirque de Sion Soleil sounds like a great idea. Well. Well, more than 100,000 men in Mozambique had to be circumcised in a bid to prevent sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV and AIDS. So the health authorities in the central province of Zambesia

said their campaign would focus on a few districts where circumcision is not common practice. Now, apparently last year, this is the second phase, they did 84,000 men. Holy moly. Holy moly. Can you imagine this is a job? Like, this is your job every day.

You go to work. They're like cutting off a little bit. You just get used to it. You'll be like, next, next, next. Boy, I hope you take a little bit longer than that. It's not like cutting open a pack of that termite Uncle Ben's rice. No, you've got to... What do you mean?

You don't need to rip that, do you? Oh, yeah, don't rip it off. No. Don't rip it off. Surgically remove it. So World Health Organization says that male circumcision reduces the risk of heterosexual men getting HIV by approximately 60%. Wow. Because I guess it's all under there.

It's like a little breeding ground of... yeah, I'm guessing this is for countries that perhaps don't have easy access to hygiene and things like we do here. Bad hygiene, that kind of thing. So yeah, isn't that crazy? I didn't know that that was a thing. Okay. What do they do it in like a sports auditorium? I don't know.

Because that's a lot of people. And how long does it take them? Like a couple of days or is it like a... I don't have those stats, but yeah, I don't know. Whether or not they take over like a dressing room at Hellenstein's or something and use the glasses and use the curtains, the curtain area. No, no.

I don't know Hellenstein's in Mozambique. Do they? Do they sell many $199 suit combos? Quite a lot, yeah. Mostly for funerals and weddings. Oh, okay. That's good. You're up.

Don't know if scoreboards are so big over there. Operation. No, I'm going to regret Googling this. Oh, no videos immediately. What are you Googling? No, I wanted to know how long the operation takes because, as you say, 100,000 people. That's a lot. Have they got an army of doctors?

I don't know. I don't even want to think about it. That's losing a bit of your manhood. That's whipping a bit off. Stop touching it. It's like, oh. It's still there for you, okay? You've done stupider things with yours.

I'm surprised you've still got it. You should have You've done stupider things with yours. I'm surprised you still got it. You should have lost yours now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I should have lost mine. If there was a demerit point system, you would have had yours confiscated by now. Crusher Collins would have put it in there. I know, Crusher.

Unbelievable. You'd be a mannequin. You'd be a farmer's window mannequin. Misuse of pleasure device. Next on the show Morally irreprehensible Don't try to burn me with words you can't say Why is this not coming out in the right order? Irreprehensible

Irreprehensible That's it I just needed a guide dog to show me through Not that you're a dog A guide from someone who can't say tarantula. Did it? No, she didn't. Tarantula.

No, she didn't. It's getting worse. We're going to try again on the show today to see how Megan's learning of the word tarantula is coming on. Now, after a storm, after a lot of rain, Vaughn, there's one thing you love to do when you're driving in your car and that's hit what we affectionately call a movie puddle. Oi, 100%.

This is where maybe a gutter's been blocked with some leaves or some debris or maybe just overwhelmed with the amount of water and there'll be a large puddle sitting on the side of the road and you just hit it with your car and it just sends the water skyward. We call it a movie puddle because it often looks like you're in a movie. Because, you know, in the movie, someone's waiting for the bus, the downtrodden single female in a rom-com, and she gets covered in a big puddle.

Yeah. And it's hilarious. Yeah. So that. That. You have one of those. We always do that. We used to cheer mum and dad on to do that when we were little.

Yeah. Go to a puddle. Is it bad, though, because you could flood your car? Nah. That's never happened to me. If you hit it with speed the water goes out rather than

the aquaplane and you crash. Can you? The jewellery's out. Generally one wheel is still on the road. I can't imagine your wife being okay

with this. She hates it because I love doing it in the Honda because it's got big wider tyres and you're and it just

and the kids love it as well. Because I can feel when you're in, when we're in the Honda Accord, it kind of stops the Honda momentarily. You've just got to hold the Honda, you've got to hold a wheel tight and give it a little extra gas. Well. Here's a technique. Somebody in the UK saw people walking along and saw a movie puddle and they thought.

How can they say no? How can I say no to this giant puddle? Well, unfortunately, the 95-year-old woman walking along was hit by a wall of water by several cars, and she was knocked over and died. See, I would hit it if I saw young people. Young people. No, I wouldn't hit it if there was people there. But I would not hit it if it was an elderly lady.

If they're hobbling or they look sore or if they're too little. Like if it's a kid, I'm not going to hit it. Well. Nah, kids like getting wet. Yeah, kids have got their raincoats on because they're walking home from school. Yeah, I'd like that. They deserve it. I'll do it for them.

What if there was like an obstacle in the water that flew up and hit them as well? See, we've got to be mindful. Oh. I would only do it because I like to see the water that flew up and hit them as well. See, we've got to be mindful. Oh. I would only do it because I like to see the water go. Yeah, but what are we talking flying out of the water and hitting them? I don't know, like a branch or something? Oh, I'm not going to hit it if there's a branch in it. You might not see it.

No, I'm not going to hit it if there's an anvil in it. No, no, no, no, no, no. I've never seen a movie pedal so deep you couldn't, you know, judge that there wasn't some sort of a large projector in there. So, they have to apologise or are they in trouble? Which is dead, Megan. I know, but like... Sorry he's not bringing Nana back.

They don't know who they are because... Oh, they drove off. They just found Nana like on the side of the road, didn't they? Oh my gosh. So that's what I'm just... I saw this and I thought of you, Vaughn. That is... That is horrid.

I don't know if that's a good or a bad thing. Again, I would never hit it if an old lady was making her way down the street. It's so rough. Goodness gracious. Five signs you've found your soulmate. There's been a compilation done. I don't know if you guys, we're kind of boats out on soulmates, right? Fletch?

No, it's just a weird term. Some people believe it, don't they? In the soul. Yeah. And so your soul and their soul. You're meant to be with this person. You've found them. Yeah.

They're the one. What about your forever cuddle buddy? That would be a cuter term, wouldn't it? Forever cuddle pal. Oh, yeah, that works too, yeah. Oh, because it's supposed to be more deep and spiritual, eh? Yeah, it is. Like you're meant to be with that specific person.

Anyway, so here's five signs that you have found your Forever Cuddle Buddy soulmate, whatever you want to call it. Okay. Number one, you feel like you can let your guard down and be 100% yourself when you're with this person. So they can see all your nasty and they still are into it. Right. Okay.

I think you could do that without your soulmate though, couldn't you? Just someone you become comfortable around. Sure. Yeah, because we see each other's nasty. Cheryl has been dating for four months. That one's going to stick. I'm just going to use the toilet for number twos while you're in the shower. And I've trimmed my pubes in the bathroom and there might be some pubes left.

I did my best to clean it up, Cheryl. I get what you're saying. Cheryl might not be a soulmate, but you've become comfortable. You've become comfortable, so you'll let her see your inner workings. I don't fart around Andrew. Does that mean that he's not my soulmate? Maybe Sade isn't your soulmate. Maybe she's not.

She doesn't fart. She doesn't go to the toilet around. Even number two I said We were talking about this With the girls And I said you know Mum's never farted in front of me

We're having one of our Many fart conversations And Indy said I've heard mum fart And I said no you haven't And Sade's like She probably has I was like

What? You farted in front of the children You should take it As a compliment Not me She doesn't want you To see her nasty Cause like you know You want them to kind She doesn't want you to see her nasty. Because like, you know, you want them to kind of like...

I'd love to see her nasty. More often. Okay, stop. Number two. You care so deeply about each other, at times you actually feel each other's pain. So some people say that when other people are like emotionally hurting or physically hurting, you can be like.

I get that. But then that's also, I think, like some of you, just you're really, really good friends. Yeah. If you see them in pain, it pains you and you kind of, you know. That's just empathy, isn't it? Yeah, it is. Fletch, I'll try to explain as best I can to you what empathy is.

I think we just did a real good job of pre-emphasizing description, feeling somebody else's pain when seeing someone that you care about. That's a fascinating concept. It is. It is. It really is. So, number three is sign that you've found your soulmate. You've seen this person at their worst and you love them anyway.

So, I mean, you could be going through anything. I mean, yeah, Andrew's seen me at my worst. I had surgery and he's seen some things that no guy should ever see. Okay. But he's still here. Because, yeah, it shows that they're... He proposed after that too. Into more than the superficial.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a... Yeah, okay. Your values are in total alignment. That's one thing I think you shouldn't get married until you've figured out your values and where you stand on things. And how you're going to raise your kids.

In America, you meet someone and they're a Trump supporter. You'd be like, oh, God. You need to find that out before you get married. And then they use the N-word and you're like, I should have asked you your thoughts on that. Not comfortable with that. Janice, very unexpected from you. And the last sign that you've found your soulmate is you recognise

that this person came into your life to teach you an important lesson. Do you know... That's... Okay. You like that one? Yeah, well, I don't. I'm feeling different about that one.

Like, what lesson? No, but you learn things from each other. You learn about yourself through somebody else. Yeah. Quickly read them all out again. Real quick. Okay. You feel like you can let your guard down

and be 100% yourself. Yep. You care so deeply about each other that at times you actually feel each other's pain. Yep. You've seen this person at their worst and you love them anyway. Yep. Your values are in total alignment. Yep.

And you recognise that this person came into your life to teach you a lesson. It also feels like what you get put through before you can join the Avengers. Like, you know, you have to see them at their worst. Yep. You have to see them at their worst You have to see them at their worst To know that they can rise back up And fight the next bad guy that comes Of course you were relating that to

It's very superhero The whole thing's very sort of like Before you can join the Avengers You've got to align your values Yeah, that's what's brought to you by Marvel That's what happened with Tony Stark And Captain America and Civil War guys They found out they had different values

Not soulmates You've actually brought it round to Avengers 100% Tony Stark and Captain America and Civil War guys, they found out they had different values. Not soulmates. You've actually brought it round to Avengers. 100%. Amazing. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. Now, a student has been caught eating cereal, pulled over, eating cereal, like bowl, spoon.

This is in New Zealand. Yes. Really? What kind of cereal? Any word? Because that was my first thought when you said they've been pulled over eating cereal. Light and tasty. Light and tasty was there.

I'm just getting in my ear. It was a delicious light and tasty. Was it a berry light and tasty or a traditional? It's the milk. It's the milk to cereal ratio while driving that'll get you. But this was in Hamilton. Tuesday morning. A traffic sting.

And she got busted. This was last Tuesday. No, yesterday. Hamilton Bridge. Hamilton Bridge. The wavy topped bridge. Sometimes people walk over. They shouldn't, should they?

But I thought that was frowned upon but not actually... I mean, you couldn't be done for it. They'd be like, don't do that. Sort of a grey area. Yeah. It's not a grey area, is it? You're not allowed to be eating, are you? I don't know. Well, she was eating on her way to university. The police pulled her over

and Sergeant Stuart Patterson said she was taking the piss because while... Those aren't his exact words. Are you paraphrasing the Sergeant Vaughton? She was taking the piss. Excuse me, if I could just momentarily reword that, I'd hate for that to be on the official record. She, while drivers are allowed to take a sip from a coffee cup,

she has pushed the limits. So they gave her a warning for careless driving. Yeah. So I guess you could be charged with careless driving. Then that would go to court, wouldn't it? Mm. I wouldn't eat cereal because that's a two-handed job, but I'll often eat a one-handed snack, like a croissant.

Don't eat that in a car. That's like a pie. Can't believe me. No, you leave it in the bag. Yuck. There's a technique to it. I ate one just, when was it? Last weekend? Right. And I nailed it. a technique to it. I ate one just, when was it? Last weekend?

Right. And I nailed it. No dribbly mess, because you know me, I'll spill anything down myself. That's a fact. I'm a real mess. I have to wear a little bib if I'm having a curry. Otherwise, especially if I'm wearing a white shirt, I'll write the shirt off. It'll have to be thrown out the minute I get home.

But I nailed the one-handed croissant in the paper bag. And it wasn't just a croissant. It was like a food croissant. Stop saying croissant. Just say croissant. Thank you for noticing that I am pronouncing it correctly in French.

Croissant. Croissant. Croissant. Croissant. Croissant. Croissant. Because we all know it was a soggy ham and cheese one.

No, it wasn't a soggy ham and cheese, Megan, because they didn't ask for it toasted because here's an unusual thing. Right. They we all know it was a soggy ham and cheese one. No, it wasn't a soggy ham and cheese, Megan, because they didn't ask for it toasted. Because here's an unusual thing. Right. They put lettuce on it, but it was like a breakfast. It was a semi-breakfast croissant. Croissant. And it had lettuce on it.

And she said, do you want it toasted? I said, no, you've negated toasting. You've put lettuce on there. I can't toast with lettuce in. It'll wilt. I don't want a wilted croissant. I want a crisp croissant that's got lettuce in it. You know, I can't be...

Because if it had gone soggy, that's when it flops over the side of the bag, but it remained, you know. Hard to wait. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello. Today's Top Six, Victoria University in Wellington. Maybe getting a name changed. In the 1970s, they had this debate

and it stayed the same. 120 years ago, it was named University of New Zealand's Victoria College, named after Queen Victoria, the queen of the time. Now, this is the problem. When the monarch kind of romped around the world taking what they wanted,

they named everything Albert, George, Elizabeth, Victoria. Everything was just named after the monarchs at the time or the princesses and princes of the time. So that's why there's Victoria University in Wellington, University of Victoria in Canada, Victoria Shanghai Academy in Hong Kong, Victoria University in Toronto, Victoria University in Bangladesh,

Victoria University in Uganda, Victoria University in Bangladesh, Victoria University in Uganda, Victoria International College in Malaysia, Victoria College in the Channel Islands, and Victoria College in Belfast. So there's lots. The reason they're changing is that there's tons of them and it can be a little bit

confusing. And are some of those other ones rubbish? Don't know. Don't want to be associated with the rubbish one? Yeah, if they're below them on the university rankings, you wouldn't want someone pretending that you're from your university. There's confusion, they say, and that's one of the main reasons. But to me, if you can't work out which Victoria University you're supposed to be going to,

maybe you're not ready for university. Yeah. You turn up in Uganda, you're like, all right, I'm rolled. Came from Palmerston North, where's, oh, I'm in the wrong year

at Victoria University, aren't I? Damn it. Should have checked twice before I put that into Google Maps. So the top six names for a Victoria University,

if it's going to have a change. Number six, I think this one would go down really well. Wellington's learning place for brainiac hipsters. Yes. I like it. It's a long line. Lengthy, you could go. Is there an acronym? W-L brainiac hipsters. Yes. I like it.

It's a long name. Lengthy, you could go. Is there an acronym? W-L-P-B-H. Oh, yep. That could look right up on a sign. Yeah. Number five on the list

of the top six names I'll put forward for Victoria University's renaming. The North South University. The North South University. Because it's in the north, but it's in the south but it's in the South It's the most Southern

Most University of the North The North Southern The Northern Southern University That'd be good Not the Southern Northern University Makes it sound like an Institute of Technology Well that's number four on the list Of the top six names for Victoria University

The Academic Collegiate Institution Of Wellington Well that sounds quite fancy You jam as many of those things as you can in for Victoria University. The Academic Collegiate Institution of Wellington. Okay, right. Well, that sounds quite fancy, actually. You jam as many of those things as you can in. Yeah. Academy.

Yeah, Academy Collegiate Institution. It's got all the words apart from university. God, they remember I went to a polytech. Polytech. They don't like that. They don't like that now. You did too, though. You did a polytech. Christchurch Polytech.

Christchurch Polytech. And now it's an institute. Is it? Well, my one is. My one's still got the P in it, I think. Yeah, it does. CPIT.

CPIT. Oh, so they went for acronym. Yeah. Classic, like KFC. Say KFC. What's the P for? Nothing. Polytech.

Polytech. No, no, it's for... But it's like KFC. No one says fried now, do they? They're just like KFC. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yeah, that's why they did that because then people aren. No one says fried now, do they? They're just like KFC. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Yeah, that's why they did that.

Yeah. Because then people aren't saying fried and they don't make that... Oh, right. Connection that it might be unhealthy because it's deep fried. Yeah. Huh. Oh, sorry about that. I've ruined KFC for you now.

Shit, I mean, that's not good for me. No. Not an everyday treat. Maybe the cult's law. Number three... No, I don't think so. Number three on the list of the top six names for a Victoria University if it's getting a rebrand is the University of Te Whanganui-a-Tara.

That's Māori for Wellington. Oh, I like that. Me too, mostly because I like Māori names for places. They roll off the tongue. They sound super exotic, but also very New Zealand. And it'll trigger the angry racists. And I quite like when they get triggered. And they're all like,

bloody snowflakes! They're offended so easily! You're angry because you're offended of a name change to a place of people that are native to the area. You're all just bloody wussies! You're all wussies! Number two on the list of the top six names for Victoria University.

To set it apart from other Victoria Universities I think we should call it Posh Spice University Oh, I like that Yeah Because she was everybody's favourite Victoria Yep Name a bit of Victoria Oh, wait

Didn't think so No, no, I've got nothing Posh Spice University It is Victoria Beckham And the number one on today's top six, on the top six name changes for Victoria University is not Massey, the other one in Wellington University.

Right, yeah. Because I know that got a bit of a rivalry going. Yeah. Well, they're the two unis in the city. No, no, no, no. Not Massey, the other one in Wellington University. That would work. That would work.

That's today's top six. Am I a bad person? Am I a bad person is where you put forward a question. A conundrum. A conundrum, a situation, and then the nation judges. We'll tell you if you are indeed a bad person or maybe you're not. Yeah, most of the time we find that if you're asking, you are, but that's not always the case.

And to put forward her case, fake name Steph joins us on the show. I'm assuming it's a fake name. Otherwise, I've just given fake name Steph the ultimate coverage of using her real name as her fake name. No, it's definitely a fake name. Definitely a fake name. And I'm not surprised because you have quite a conundrum. Yeah, I really feel like I'm quite a bad person,

but, oh, I don't know. You just need clarification. Yeah. Okay. So, I've been seeing a guy for about, maybe like just over a month now. Yeah. And he is amazing.

Like, he's incredible. Such a nice guy. Yeah. He ticks all the boxes, pretty much. He's hot? Oh, he's very hot. Okay. Is he good at cooking?

He's good at cooking. Is he giving with his time and his resources? He's everything. And caring? Is he smart? He's smart. Is he rich? Does he have a good job?

Is he rich? He has a great job. He pays for dinner. What's the but? The but is that we've just recently started having sex. And he has a really, really small penis. God. That poor...

Sex to me is really, really important. Yeah, that poor... Sex to me is really, really important. Yeah, that was going to be my question. Okay. And,

like, it's a big part of a relationship for me and I just can't feel anything when we are, you know, at it.

And, oh, it's just so hard because he ticks all the boxes but I'm considering maybe ending things with him. So am I a bad person if I end things with him because he has a small penis?

I don't know. I don't know what to say. Do you know what? If you just said that right from the get-go, I would have been like, yes. But the way you explained it, it's important to you, intimacy, obviously. Is there any way, I know that you've only been with him for a month, but to have a conversation. But then this wouldn't be a surprise to him.

Can you please get a bigger penis? No. This wouldn't be a surprise to him. Because it's not the only way you can please someone. How do you tell a boy that he's not pleasing you because he's got a tiny penis, though? I don't know. You're on your own there. How is this any different from, say,

someone that has no sex before marriage or has an arranged marriage? Like, you're stuck with that. Just because they have no sex before marriage doesn't mean they don't know the situation. This is a great example of why you try before you buy. That was what I was getting at, to be honest. That's what I was getting at.

It is an important part of it, isn't it? It's not everything. It's not everything, but if you don't have that chemistry, then... But intimacy, that's not the only thing you can do, if you know what I mean. Like... Yeah, but there's only so much that tools can do.

Okay. Okay, we went there, yep. Do you know what? It's your life and it's your happiness. But if you're going long-term anyway, once you get married, you don't have sex that much anyway, so who cares? If he's doing the dishes and bringing home the bacon

and all the other stuff, then 90% tick. Yeah, so do you reckon you could get through that first year? But also, if you break up with him, he sounds like a great guy and I'm sure there's lots of other people listening that would love a shot. That's the thing. It's your life. If you don't think you're going to be able to cope

and be happy totally, then I don't think anyone can begrudge you for that. You see he's an awesome guy. He makes me sad thinking that I won't see him again. You know? Oh, yeah. I don't know. That's hard because you obviously really like this guy.

I do. But you really like... But you literally, you seriously don't think there's any way you can get around this situation? Can you go to like Peaches and Cream and get like something? I mean, I don't want to go into the details here, but he could get like something that goes over maybe or to help. An extension. Don't you think that would destroy his confidence?

Like a costume for his penis. Think of it as playing dresser. I know it's so, I'm not laughing at him. This is the hard thing though, because how do you like even broach the subject without affecting his confidence? The thing is, he surely, he would know, right? He would know. 100% he'll know. He'll know that's, in a way, the blessing that probably made him

the great guy that he is. He's like, well, if that's that, I guess I'm just going to have to play harder in every other part. I've got to step up my game in other areas. That makes me so sad because I just realised, like, how amazing he is. Oh. Well, okay, well, you want to know if you're a bad person, Steph. Yeah, I need to know.

Let's take some calls and should Steph break up with him? Because is sex everything? Yeah. Oh, $800 at him, you can text 9696, Vaughn. Are you going to cast a judgment? He sounds like a great guy. I don't need a big penis. And my potential suit is.

Right. Right. Yeah, so I'd take him. Okay. I feel like I would at least stick it out longer. Well, he can't stick it out longer, Megan. That's the problem. He can only stick it out as much as he's been given

and it doesn't sound like a lot. I want to ask Producer Caitlin, what do you think? I'll have him, Steph. He sounds amazing. He does. I don't need... Well, yeah. I just want to have children.

So as long as I can do that, that's fine. It's functional. Right? You were saying it would be okay. Well, I don't have a lot of sex nowadays anyway, so it's not going to be much difference. So even small penis sex would be better than nothing. Yeah.

Am I a bad person? Well, we just heard from Steph, fake name Steph, moments ago. She wants to know if she is a bad person because she has met the guy of her dreams, the perfect man in every way except one way. She's got a small penis. Small, small. I mean, we asked the question, didn't we?

We didn't ask how big it was, did we? No, we didn't. I feel we should have because we've had a lot of text messages. Oh. Blaming her. A flurry of messages saying perhaps it's Steph's situation. Oh. Blaming her. A flurry of messages saying perhaps it's Steph's situation. Yes. Isn't that just so funny that

straight away it's her problem? I mean, I'm assuming she's seen enough to know that it's, yeah. I mean, she's had comparisons. Yeah, yeah. She's definitely, you know. She's done a sample size. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's ran some basic focus groups.

People are like, it's her fault. Yeah. I mean, okay. We don't need to go into details about each other's situations. We want to know why, if she is a bad person. Because she's like, well, this text isn't that great. Let's take her word for it that that's the situation. Is she a bad person for wanting to break up with him because of that?

Amanda, what do you think? I think she's a bad person if she tells him that that's the situation. Is she a bad person for wanting to break up with him because of that? Amanda, what do you think? I think she's a bad person if she tells him that that's the reason. But doesn't... Oh, because you think what, he already knows so it would just be

a further blow to the self-esteem. Or he might not know but yeah, either way it would be absolutely soul destroying. It's unnecessary. She can break up

with him without... I'd rather someone lied to me too. Yeah, she can find an excuse. So break up and say it's something else. But that would be hard because he's perfect in every way apparently. So she could make it about her. Oh yeah, okay.

I'm just not ready or something. No one believes that rubbish. No one ever believes it. It's not you, it's me. Yeah, no, it's just me. I'm not ready for this relationship. Even though up to this point she's been all about it. Yeah.

So that might look a little bit weird, I guess. But no, fair enough. All right, thanks, Amanda. Do you want a Dr. Phil quote? Okay. Someone's quoted Dr. Phil. Oh, yes. If the sex is good, it's 10% of the marriage.

If it's bad, it's 90%. Dr. Phil. If it's... Oh, I don't understand. So if it's good, that's great. It's an important part, but it's not like the majority. But if it's bad, it becomes 90%. So it becomes a problem.

Yeah, yeah. Okay. Rhino, is she a bad person? How you going, guys? No, I don't think so whatsoever. Look, as Warren says it usually, she probably wants a decent-sized creamy D. So I don't think she's a bad person whatsoever.

Cheeks is a big part, I suppose. I'll go on record as having never seen her. That was her relationship with Cream, wasn't it? Shay, is she a bad person? Oh, sorry. Hang on one moment, Shay. Shay, sorry. Yeah? Is she a bad person?

I think so, yeah. Have you found yourself in a similar situation though, Shay? No. That's what I think. A lot of people saying that she is a bad person haven't been in a similar situation, so haven't met someone that, you know. Yeah, but I think that too,

if it was the other way around, and this was a guy calling and saying that I don't want to be with a girl because of her body, we would all be like, oh, that's awful. Yeah, how can you say that? Yeah. Yeah, true. Yeah, you're not wrong. Yeah.

But what if it was a... You've got me there. Yeah, if it was purely a cosmetic, you know, appearance thing, but this is to do with satisfaction and gratification, isn't it? Yeah, but I'm sure that there's something that they could do together as a couple. That's what I heard. Do you know what, Shay? We've heard from some of our lesbian listeners this morning

who have said you don't need a penis. 100%. Multiple lesbian listeners say you've got to get Imaginative from your local lesbian, which is Imaginative's like your friendly neighbourhood Spider-Man, but lesbian. A lesbian superhero. Yeah. Okay, good. There's been your friend in the neighbourhood, Spider-Man, but lesbian. A lesbian superhero. Yeah. Okay, good. There's been a few.

And somebody else said they were in the very same situation. So they broke up with a guy and they ended it. And then they are now with a woman. And they've said, well, maybe it was the guy

didn't know how to use what he had or wasn't willing to make up for it in other areas because he had the new partner. Absolutely no penis whatsoever, but satisfied 100%. Catherine, is she a bad person? I totally think so.

I'm totally in agreement with the scrutiny that a dude would get if he didn't want to be a female because of her breast size. No, no, no, no. That's different, though. That's just, look, what if she had teeth in it? What if it was a sharp vagina and he was just like, it's, you know. Because to me that's more comparable because she's not getting any pleasure out of it.

On the spot, I couldn't think of a name, impossible. That's the best analogy you can come up with. A fictitious. Have you seen that movie? Have you seen that movie? Where there's teeth in it? I'm sorry. It gave me nightmares.

It gave me nightmares. Have you seen it? It's called Teeth. You guys should all watch it. Horrifying. But that's to be. We're talking about a functional level rather than just like cosmetic. Because 100% function.

Okay, we got there. We got there. Thanks for your call,ction. That's what I should have said. We got there. Thanks for your call, Catherine. Rachel, is she a bad person? No, I'm voting not a bad person. Okay. Okay.

Because you think she needs to be happy. Basically, yeah. Well, in a relationship, you look for what you're looking for in a person. And why is it okay to look for some things in a person but not others? If sex is something she needs in a relationship to be happy why is it not okay for her to look for that in a relationship? Why does that make her a bad person?

That's right because it's just another like if you broke down a relationship into like different areas and you know cleanliness was one and manners was another and sex was another and you're weighing them all up like that. If you put that into the category of, like, intimacy, there's definitely other things that they can do. You know what I mean?

But maybe she just likes that specific thing. Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. You might be into cuddles on the couch or whatever, but she just wants to hit the boudoir. Right. If you had to draw a percentage here, Vaughan, from the text messages and the calls that we've had,

is she a bad person? Well, I'd say 100% of males listening to the show with a slight insecurity about the size of their penis have blamed her and said she is a bad person. Right. Take them out of the equation. I'd say it's pretty evenly split. There's definitely people saying,

no, you've got to be, you know, that's a crucial part of a relationship. And if you've given it a month and nothing's happening. But also, nobody's perfect. Like, she said he's perfect in every other way. You might meet someone who's, like, more well endowed, but he's not as

compatible as this guy. So you're never going to find the perfect guy. Well, either way, I think we can all agree if she is going to break up with him, she's got to lie about why. No, I don't think so. Oh, really? No, she has to.

I don't think she had to lie about why. Would you be stoked if that was the reason someone broke up with you? Oh, I wouldn't be stoked. But then maybe he's like, all right, well, I've got to try some different stuff. Or he could say to her, like, okay, so that can't change,

but is there another way I could try to step up my game? Okay. You know, have an open and frank discussion about it. Okay. Better her than me. But call it a little wee-wee. Don't use scientific terms. Don't say penis.

That's crass. So your little wee-wee isn't satisfying me. No. The wee-wee and the fee-fee aren't compatible. It seems like it could be the end of an era for Marlborough. Up until now, they have been known as the New Zealand's largest town without traffic lights. Apart from there was that one set on the outskirts, right? Yeah, that doesn't count.

It doesn't count. It doesn't count. They've got a huge roundabout with a train running through it. I've driven through that roundabout intersection. It's really weird. And then when a train comes, everyone just has to stop. And you're like, ah, who goes next? Yeah.

A lot of roundabouts in that town. A lot of roundabouts. So many roundabouts. Because every time they get a new intersection or want to change it, they're like, traffic lights. And the whole city's like, no. We can't get traffic lights. So they're going to break the fast or something with a pedestrian traffic light. 2,000 calories of traffic lights.

They're breaking their fast. So technically, it's not like car traffic lights, but they are signals. So if someone pushes the button to cross the road, cars will get a red light. God, I hate when people do that. What, want to cross the road, cars will get a red light and they have to stop. God, I hate when people do that. What, want to cross the road at a safe place? Oh, like when you're the only car on the road and someone presses that button, it's like, just jaywalk.

Don't make everyone stop just because you want to cross the road. Oh, you go for a run and you push it. Yeah, oh, those are the worst. I always do this. You stop and you're like pushing. You're like, all right, there's no, and I start running and then I see all the cars stopping

and it goes green when I'm already over. I'm like, ha ha ha. That's what I hate. Jaywalk. Yeah, I don't know exactly when it's going to happen, but yeah, they're going to get traffic lights. So they will stop the traffic. The traffic for pedestrians.

And they'll have the red, orange. Yeah. Okay, right. Okay, green. But this kind of sucks, doesn't it? To break it with that. Do they not have an escalator either? They don't have any escalators.

Like the ones where it's like stairs and you ride it up. Yeah. I'm just kidding. We all know what escalators are. And the magic stairs, father. I saw them in the big city. The magic stairs. You stand on them and they take you up instead of having to walk, father. Oh, elevator., the big smash.

Sometimes I get confused between escalator and elevator. I don't know, they're E words. What about travelators? What's that? Oh, the flat ones. Yep. And you just stand on it or you walk on it. Or you put the magic trolley stick on them in some places.

Oh, yeah, I quite like that. In the mall, that's pretty cool. You what? There's a trolley that goes on the travelator and when it goes on, it slips in the gap so it doesn't roll, so you can just leave it. But then I've also seen them get caught at the other end. You've got to be very on your toes. You've got to be careful.

Because otherwise they'll go over you. Right, okay. Yeah, no, I don't think they have those. But when I hear a list of everything that Marlborough doesn't have. No, it's great. It's great. It's a lovely place. I'm just saying that they didn't have one.

It doesn't have an E? What's an E? Lenham? No, Marlborough. There's no E. Oh, Marlborough, no. It's a lovely place. I'm just saying that they didn't have one. It doesn't have an E. What's an E? Blenheim. No, Marlborough. There's no E. Oh, Marlborough, no. There's an A. There's an I.

There's no... Okay, we're just listing things. No, there's no I. There's an O. Marlborough and Blenheim don't have. Yeah. Blenheim's got an E and an I, so that makes up for the lack of a house. There's letters in the alphabet that it doesn't have.

Okay. All right, well, good luck getting your first traffic lights. It doesn't have a harbour bridge. Red means stop. Okay. Does Blenheim have an opera house? No. No, there's another one they don't have.

Oh, my God. Did you say we're not here to list or let's start a list of everything? No, we're not here to list. I misheard it as let's start a list of everything they don't have. I was like, this is great. This is like a fun game. Right. You keep going.

They've got an ASB theatre that has opera. Oh, really? Yeah. Is that count as an opera house? I'm running on my last entry then. Yes, I do. Right. You keep going. They've got an ASB theatre that has opera. Oh, really? Yeah. Is that count? I'm running on my last entry then. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Fletch Vaughan and Megan's Food Fights.

The Kiwi Treat Edition. And we are searching for New Zealand's favourite Kiwi treat. Food Fight is back. And you can vote on our Instagram, FVMZM. We've had thousands and thousands of votes in the last 24 hours since we launched our round two yesterday, our four different options. Yes, we've got a couple that are almost finished, but just like a few minutes to go on voting,

and one of them particularly close, so I want to talk about that in a moment. Okay. But congratulations to Hot Chippies and a Punnett, beating a pie from their dairy. Beating a pie from the dairy. Beating a pie from the dairy quite comfortably as well. This is a walloping. Yes. Percentage-wise, 79% of people voting for the Hot Chippies,

21% over the pie from the dairy, which culminates to like a whopping 11,000 votes for Hot Chippies. You can't beat Hot Chippies. If only people got this carried away in the general election. Nah. Not until you can eat them. What if a punnet of Hot Chips was the leader of the National Party? Or they gave us a punnet of chips to vote.

Well, that's a landslide. A lot of people would be voting. This one is really close. So, I mean, with the time left, there's not a lot of people would be voting. This one is really close. Okay. So, I mean, with the time left, there's not a lot of time left. It would take, you know, a big swing, but I can't see it happening. I've noticed as soon as you get a few thousand votes, it really doesn't change that much.

No, it doesn't change from there, does it? Which is statistical nerds will obviously probably know that. Yeah, the sample size. The sample size, yada, yada. So, in the Grainwaves versus Twisties, now we're talking Grainwaves, sour cream and chives. What are you going for? It's hard because I love a sour cream Grainwaves.

Is that the flavour? Sour cream and chives. Sour cream and chives, yeah. I love those. But then I also love Twisties. Well, the nation like you was torn because Grainwaves Got 51%

And Twisties got 49% So that's very very close And it's so I mean by the looks of it It's ta ta to Twisties It's a straight with that Twisties It's knock out as well Knock out these rounds Absolutely totally gone

So yeah we've got A couple of new rounds now up for voting at FEMZM on Facebook. That is... Instagram. On Instagram. Sorry, on Instagram. He's typing and talking at the same time. Vought is trying to bring up the graphs. No, I was trying to click through to this.

Munchos. Spicy tomato munchos, by the way. The only flavour of munchos. Cheese and onion. Scoot. New round. Nobody likes those ones. This is a new round.

Spicy tomato munchos versus cheese and bacon rations. Munchos. I'm going munchos. But again, rations. Munchos developing an early lead of 53%. Producers, producers both, what are we thinking here?

100% the tomato, the spicy tomato munchos. Munchos. That's all rations. I'm ready for that. I'm straight rations. You're on your own. You're out of line.

I don't even know what a ration looks like. It's just like a flat. Twisting. Rations are ruined for me because at primary school there was a kid and he was, looking back on it now,

it was horrible, but he smelt like rations. But how can you be off rations but you were all for twisties? Because they're much of a muchness. He smelt like cheese and bacon rations. Yeah, cheese and bacon. It has a very distinct smell. And he did quite often eat them for playtime, but it's put me off them for life.

What the main difference between a twisty and a ration is a slight change of shape, but one is primarily cheese flavour to one is cheese and bacon. Yeah. Well then rations are better than twisties

because bacon, added bacon to anything and it's better. No, but if you get manchos. Early voting, spicy tomato manchos are out in front.

Yes, they are developing a healthy lead and the other round that we're starting this hour, Raro versus jelly

crystals. Now this is what we're calling the finger dip and when your mum's not looking,

this is the post-school finger dip round. Are you dipping your finger in Raro or

are you dipping it in jelly crystals? It's not really a Kiwi snack is it?

What are you dipping your finger in? I mean you're certainly it in jelly crystals? It's not really a Kiwi snack, is it? What are you dipping your finger in? I mean, you're certainly not mixing Raro. I mean, you can make a juice in a jelly as well. No one's doing that. No one's taking that. I think from memory, you'd go a Raro and then if there was no Raro left, you'd go a jelly crystals. Right. So there's your choice and that's sort of reflected in the voting so far.

Looking back, it's no wonder I was a fat kid because that was pure sugar. It's just coloured sugar. With voting so far. Looking back, it's no wonder I was a fat kid because that was pure sugar. It's just coloured sugar. With a bit of colour. Mix Raro with icing sugar and be like, oh, it's sherbet. Make your own sherbet. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I'd make icing as well after school.

And just eat the icing. And just eat the icing. With Raro. No. Just with icing sugar. We're talking about Raro. We're not talking about butter and icing sugar. That was if there was no icing sugar left.

Could you flavour your icing with Raro? Oh, I don't know. I'm talking about butter and icing sugar. That was if there was no icing sugar left. Could you flavor your icing with Raro? Oh, I don't know. That would be controversial. What cake would you want an orangey icing on? Carrot. No, no, no, not carrot. Almost an orange cake. Just a vanilla.

Right. Producers, what are we thinking here? What are we voting for? A hundred percent Raro. I've never even thought of having jelly crystals as like a treat. You've never dipped your finger and dipped it in? I've never done that in my life. Have you done it to Raro? Yeah. Oh yeah. All the time.

You've never had a jelly crystal dip? No, I'd never think of doing that. You've never done it? No. We never did it either. It was always Raro. No, your mum would always know because it looked as though you'd voted in some kind of African election because you'd have a dyed finger.

Yeah, and a tongue. Should we, like, poke out your tongue? No, 100% Raro. And she'd go to make some jelly on Saturday night because your family friends were coming over and half the packet was gone. Yeah. She'd smack. Yeah.

You were going to get a smack. You were going to get a hiding. By the way, yesterday eliminated from the competition, Blue Powerade's gone. It lost to Milo. Are you kidding? Blue Powerade's out. Mil lost to Milo. Are you kidding? Blue Powerade's out. Milo advances to the next round. And the Dollar Mixture's defeated the K-Bar.

Oh, I'm sorry about that. Very interesting because the K-Bar's very Kiwi. I know, but maybe you're getting more in your Dollar Mixture. You're getting a bit of variety. A bit of variety. People like that variety. Yeah. Well, that's how it stands.

Two more rounds announced next hour. All right, you can vote on our Instagram right now, FEMZM. FEMZM. Now, we learned the other day while talking about the death of the world's oldest spider at 43 years old, R.O.P. Barb, the trapdoor spider in Perth, that Megan can't say tarantula. The biggest one here is a Goliath bird eater. They can live 15 to 25 years What about a trill...

Yep A what? A trillantula A trillantula? A what? A trill... A trillantula A trillantula

No It went on when she got home Mr Toyboy tried to teach her to say tarantula. Now, I thought, and somebody mentioned this online, that he was leading you astray. Why? Because he was saying chala like Coachella, but it's not chala, it's not tarantula.

It's tarantula. Chala. Tarantula. So how are we at the moment? Obviously not good. Well, he said someone named Tar ran like to Coachella. So you'd be like Tar ran Chella. Tar ran Chella.

But it's not Chella. It's Chula. Yeah, Tarantula. Chella. Chula. Chula. Tralantula. No.

Oh, is that not it? No, no. When you do it in bits, but when you have a break and come back to it, you still can't. Tralantula. No, you, is that not it? No, no. When you do it in bits, but when you have a break and come back to it, you still can't. Tralantula. No, you can't. No. This is great.

Every day. I think it's because you're getting the sound from the last ta and putting it on the first ta. Like the tarantula, the last bit. Tralantula. No. And you're putting a cha. It's almost like you're spelling it.

Tralantula. Was that it? Do it again. Tralantula. Was that it? Do it again. Tralantula. No, you did a one-off. You're like, when you did your one-off, she like shut her eyes and gritted her teeth and was like, tarantula.

Tralantula, no, charantula. No, it's, no, no, no, no, it's not cha. It's tarantula. Oh my God. Tarantula, charant, no. No, tarantula. Would it help if. Tarantula. Tarantula. No. No. Tarantula. Would it help if you saw it written down? Maybe.

Tralantula. How are you going to Google it if you can't even spell it? Was that it? No, you said tarantula again. Okay. Isn't it weird? Because some people's brains do do this. Tralantula.

They block the ability to process a word, and they never said it wrong so many times. Their brain's like, no, we're sticking at this. This is what we're doing. And it takes a long time to never said it wrong so many times. Their brain's like, no, we're sticking at this. This is what we're doing. And it takes a long time to break it. It's like performing.

Tarantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. No. Why are you saying char? That's what it's, I'm reading it. You said tarantula.

Say it. Tarantula. Tarantula. Done it. Never say the word again. Do it again. No, do it one more time. Tralantula. No. We've got to start again. Trantula. Tarantula. Done it. Never say the word again. Do it again. No, do it one more time. Tralantula.

No. We've got to start again. Tralantula. Tralantula. No. My aim for you, you know what I would love to see, is you to walk out in front of like a stage or a stadium of people. Why would I want to do that?

Yes. And just say. And read a poem about tarantulas and get it right. I'll write the poem. I'll write you. And read a poem about tarantulas and get it right. I'll write the poem. I'll write you a lovely piece of prose about tarantulas. And you've got to read it in front of a crowd and get every one of them right. As long as you don't have that R word in it. Regularly.

Regularly. Regularly. The tarantula. Regularly. The tarantula often went. No, you said tarantula wrong. Oh, you may have missed that wrong. Tarantula. Tarantula. Regularly. The tarantula often went. No, you said tarantula wrong. Oh, you made me say it wrong. Tarantula.

Regularly. Regularly. Oh my God, this is brilliant. Okay. I think you write a little story. I'll begin my tarantula prose. Every day, we'll read the story until you get it right. Oh God.

Tarantula. True. True. Where's the R school? Where's the R coming from? I don't know. I think that's how I think it's... We should tell a local school that there's a tarantula expert coming. She wants to talk to you about tarantulas.

And Megan takes like a fake tarantula and she's like, this is a tarantula. Tarantula. I like that better than a tarantula. A tarantula. We're kids. I like that better than reading out the poem. That's funny. Megan, the tarantula expert.

Do you guys like tarantula? How regularly do you guys have assembly? Facebook announcing this morning they've got a developers conference that they will be taking on Tinder, and you'll be able to date on Facebook. And Facebook already know what you want because they're snooping on your messages.

Apparently you'll create a separate profile aside from your Facebook page and apparently it'll be for serious relationships not hookups. See how long that lasts. There's a way for people to sleep with each other, they'll find it, I think.

It's a human skill. Yeah. We want to talk about the one thing you look for in a potential partner because a study's been done and it has revealed now, I don't know if this is subconsciously or consciously, that women look for this one thing in a male partner. And they have done a study, 5,000 adults,

so they did men and women and the study showed that grip strength was one thing women um liked so when they shook hands oh i was gonna say opening jars oh no right so they found that men with a stronger grip are more likely to be married than men that have like a limp handshake. This is actually a correlation. Yeah. And when it came to women, a woman's grip and marriage rates, no correlation. So if a woman had like a limp handshake, it didn't matter. Or a firm handshake.

Have you ever shaken someone's hand? Shook, shook, shook. Shook someone's hand. Shaked? Shaked? Have you ever gone in for a handshake? And they close too soon and they just give you the little... And you're just like...

And then you try to half correct it and you end up holding your hand like an old lady. Like, peace be to you. Tis the pleasures of mine, madame. A girl. Like, this is totally a thing. Because if you're a girl and you go to shake a guy's hand

and it's, like, limp and you squeeze the fingers, you're like, well, now I feel real manly. You've overpowered him. Yep. And he's like. I didn't know. And what does that say about. Do you think this is subconsciously a thing?

Yeah. Because would you have ever. Oh, nothing's worse than a soggy fish handshake. Yeah. Have you ever thought about this when you meet a guy? If you went out on a date, would you even think about the handshake? I'd definitely notice it if there was something wrong with it. If it was a soggy first handshake.

Oh, yeah, I'd be like, ugh. Turn off. One drink, let's go, bye. Yeah, I reckon we face a lot. And I don't know if it's just like New Zealand. I think Australia would be the same. British, they're very stiff upper lip and a hard handshake. I don't know if it's that sort of colonial thing we've inherited it from,

but handshakes are really important. It kind of sets the whole tone. Like my father-in-law shakes your hand, but he also grabs up your arm. It's a real power play. So I grab up his arm. And we're standing there like having this. And then you kind of reach under his armpit and then his back of his head and you kiss.

Yeah. That's just what we do in the fam. But in the same token, if a guy like comes in and really like jams your knuckles together, you're like, is that necessary? Like that was overly aggressive. Yeah. There's a good balance. You're like, oh no.

Yeah. And so you're turned off on the other end of the scale. Yeah. But they've signaled this to be like, you know, women, when they shake their hand, it's a sign of strength and vigour. So if you're going in and it's like, oh, okay.

Is it from the old day, like now it's opening jars and, you know, like you're going to get yourself a strong man, but is it back in the day you could hold onto a sword? I don't know.

There is a lot of self-conscious stuff going on. They said maybe it's women live longer than men, so if they seem like they're going to be a burden, you're going to have to look after them when they're older. Help me.

Also, it's like indicates health. There's links between handshake and whether people have health problems. So it can like. Right. Yeah. Okay. Well, we would like to know on the back of that, a strong handshake if it's something you look for or not.

But one thing you do look for in a potential partner. The one thing. Yeah. And so it might not necessarily be something that everybody or that would usually go for. Yeah. Could this be some weird little thing? Can I start the ball rolling?

Okay. What do you look for in a man? I've, lots of things. Yeah. Where do I start? Good at strong chest. Man or woman. Any potential partner.

Going on dates or something. Something that I always look for was when they ate, if they were like, that was it. Oh, really? Over. Like an open mouth eater. Oh my God. Imagine ending up being married to an open mouth eater.

So your thing would be, you would be looking for a closed mouth eater. A closed mouth chewer. Okay. Mine's how they hold their knife and fork. Because I used to get wrapped around the knuckles for doing it wrong. And so like. You should have hit me up about it. Your fingers and your food, like, and if you're holding them wrong, it really bugs me.

Are you the one that told me off for using my fork like a shovel? Yeah. Yeah. She has it up the other way and like. Oh, she other way and like cuts it. But then you get to a point where there's so many stuff on the plate you've got to chase it around. You smush it and push it onto your fork. You smush it on the back. You had to choose one? Do you want my super special one?

I mean, you're very picky, but you're one thing you love in a guy when you go on a date. Do you? Because I've got like a vain one and then I've got like a one that I'd use instead. Give us both. The vain one is you've got to have nice shoes. I can't. I look at the shoes straight away. That's okay. But that to me is

anybody could get nice shoes. He could literally walk in and be like, oh God, I bloody stepped in a giant mud puddle on the way here. No, because at my age now, they're like you've got to know your family. You've got to know what you're wearing. You can't have gone to like 30 years and be wearing bad shoes. That's just wearing. Like, you can't have gone to, like, 30 years and be wearing bad shoes.

Like, that's just you. Yeah, I agree. It says a lot about a guy by the shoes they wear. But I also like... Oh, my God. Vaughn's wearing chucks. Is that okay? Yeah, that's okay.

Are my shoes okay? Are your both okay? What would not be okay? What would not be okay? My real skatey shoes. Or, like, sneakers with your jeans. It's like, come on, we all know that's not okay. Oh, you're talking like a dad, like a snean.

A dad sneaker. Like a snean. Okay, and what's the other one? Or like Jane or When It's Winter. I like them to have nice hands. Like they've got to have big hands, but also just like nice. Like they've got to have, yes, Fletcher, your hands are nice. Thank you.

They've got to have like good nails and stuff. Like, I don't know. But then like also like rough kind of hands. I know because you've said this before about hands and it's a real contradictory thing you want like a nice clean hand but then you want a big builder's hand but if they're a builder then yes okay i want them to have builder's hands if they're not a builder they shouldn't have builder's hands yeah okay so this is what we want to know from you right now i'll wait hundred dollars at him and you can Yeah, okay. If they're, you know, a trainee farmer, that kind of thing. They should have rough hands. So this is what we want to know from you right now.

0800 dials at Emma and you can text 9696. What is the one little thing that you look for in a potential partner? The one thing. Maybe it's big hands. Maybe it's nice shoes. But what's the one thing they've got to have? Give us a call. Text in.

Or know what they want. We're talking about the one thing that a potential partner has to have. There is a correlation in a study Megan's been reading between a man's handshake, a good, hard handshake, and the fact he's more likely to be married. Yeah, so strong handshake men will equal marriage. Yeah, it's not the other way around if a woman has a strong handshake.

It's purely for men. So we want to know what's the one thing they've got to have. Wow. A potential suitor. What they've got to have. Some text messages in.

Six foot minimum height. I have never been with nor dated someone under six foot. It's not a ride at Rainbow's End, is it? Are they tall? Is that a female?

You often hear girls being like, they have to be taller than me. Don't! Doesn't, Caitlin? If you were only dating girls over six foot, you'd have a very small pool to choose from. You're like the gold rush. You've got a height restriction.

Yeah. Well, I'm really tall, so they've got to be taller than me in heels. So they need to be at least six foot. How tall are you in heels? Six foot, okay. But definitely over six foot. How tall are you in heels? Six foot. Okay. But definitely over six foot.

You're also got like the gold rush because they've got to strap in and sometimes there's screams from down the track. And at the end you try to sell them a really overpriced photo. And when you're finished, you go, and everybody jolts forward. That's so gross. And it's never long enough. Are you kidding me? And the weight's not worth the ride. Oh my God.

That was mean. And it goes dark at some stages and that gives it a bit scary. Vaughan, stop. We're going to have a little chat after this again. And it's best not to eat before because you could spew everywhere. Stop it.

And there's always random other families there. You wait till Sharda. At least people are doing it. And there's always random other families here. You wait till Saturday. At least people are taking her ride, boy. On the long flume, I've been shut for ages. I think they found asbestos in me. Oh, God. Okay. We laugh.

We have a laugh, don't we? Let's take some calls um Jacob what's the one thing a potential partner has to have good teeth

good teeth good teeth yeah good teeth because first impression you see a smile and you don't want these funky teeth

up in you a nice set of chompers do you mean dirty or because I don't mind crooked teeth I've got don't mind crooked teeth. I've got a thing for crooked teeth.

No, I like clean, straight teeth. Okay. I'm out, Jacob. I'm out. Jacob will be upset about that. You can put up with a crooked one down the bottom because you hardly see it. I'm quite fussy.

And I've got a lot of other fussy... It's your life, isn't it? Are you over six foot, Jacob? Because we could have another fussy, and I've got a lot of other fussy... It's your life, isn't it? Are you over six foot, Jacob? Because we could have another fussy... No, I'm not. And recently, like, I've been recently separated, and I think that was when I was like, I'm going to have to... If I was on a dating website, I don't think anyone would date me

because I've got all these lists of things I have to have. At least you know that about yourself. Well, you're like Caitlin, though. This is great. We might be able to... Do you think you're on height? Caitlin, would you make an exception? How tall are you, Jacob?

You sound great. I'm only... I'm not tall. Like, I'm... I think I'm 170 centimetres, so I'm not tall. I'm eight centimetres tall. Maybe we can be friends. You're probably even struggling to get on the gold rush with that line.

Pretty much. I found the woman I really love, so I'm sweet now. Aww. So you do. Now, I bet you Caitlin wants you now. Now, why are you now? All right, thanks, Jacob. Jack, what's the one thing a potential partner has to have? That's premium go, Jack, to you. Thank you very much. Oh, go, thanks, Jacob. Jack, what's the one thing a potential partner has to have?

That's premium gay Jack to you. Thank you very much. Oh, go Sunday, Jack. Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to the show. For those that don't know, we can bring you up to speed. A premium gay has never slept with a woman, never been tempted to, never touched the stuff.

Welcome back to the show. Always good to have you on the show. So what is the show. Always good to have you on the show. So what is the one potential part they have to have, Jack? So my thing is that if they have tattoos,

they have to be shaved on the tattoo. So they can't have hair growing through the tattoo? Yuck, no. What if it's on an area that doesn't really get hairy? Like, I don't know,

your shoulder or your back or something? Well, even like I've got tattoos on my wrist and you know how your wrist doesn't really get that hairy? I'd shave those. Right. No matter where it is, it has to be shaved. And if you're not going to shave it, either you're letting me shave it for you or white lips on

It's done. You're out. Okay. Okay, thanks, Jack. Claudia, what is the one thing a potential partner has to have for you to date them? He's got to be named Michael. Why? Why? You're kidding me.

It's just a run of good luck. It's a good name for good guys. He's got to be named Michael. I know a handful of douchebags called Michael. They're your exes though, aren't they? Yeah. How many boyfriends have you had called Michael? Just the one.

Okay, so do you... Wait, are you still... Are you not compare the next one to the last one? We can't help but not compare, can we? Like, I mean, seriously. Do you just want to still be with Michael? I do. But you're not with Michael?

Not at the moment. Not at the moment. Okay. How long has it been? Since I last saw him, probably about a day. Oh, right. Okay. Oh, no.

But that was just to catch up. You're not together. We are together. But any potentials that go to be named Michael. So what if you met an amazing James?

Like, perfect in every way? He wouldn't be a Michael. What about a terrific Aaron? Terrific Aaron! Terrific Aaron. What if their middle name was Michael? That doesn't count it. Mike? Is Mike okay?

Or Mikey? Nickname Mike? Um, yep. I could do a nickname Mike, but go with Michael. Right. Oh, okay. Okay, I'm just bizarre. It's bizarre.

What about like Ryan Gosling? What if Ryan Gosling was like you and me, Claudia? Probably too much of an age gap there. That's another thing. Right, okay. You just turned up Ryan Gosling. I'm looking for some chump called Michael. I cannot even get on board with this.

This is unbelievable. Right, so if you're on Tinder, it's got to be just Michael. Just Michael. Is that a filter on Tinder? I'm not being on. I don't know. I don't think you can filter that. I'll just be called Michael and be with a message.

Good luck. Thank you, Claudia. Good luck with that. Some text messages? Somebody just worried about the safety of Michael. It's fair call. The one thing has always been humour for me. I knew fair call. The one thing has always been humour for me.

I knew my husband was the one after our first sleepover when he left the room in the morning and I was laughing and he turned around and said to me

he wanted to make me laugh every day for the rest of his life. Oh, that's pretty cute. You'd hope it was the first sleepover but they'd been together for a while because imagine a one night stand

in the morning and they're like I want to make you laugh for the rest of your life. You'd be like, oh God. It's also the delivery, you know? You said it like that. Yeah. I'm Michael anyway. Nice to have met you.

Have a great time. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A do-do-do-do-do Today's Fact of the Day. First, I think you need to apologise about yesterday's Fact of the Day, your hatred towards kombucha. It wasn't hatred towards kombucha. I'm saying you're drinking kombucha.

God, the kombucha rights came out yesterday in the office. Well, no, Danny and I found many scientific studies that were referenced in articles. Those weren't scientific studies. I looked at them. They had no sort of basis. No, but they were from like scientifically sounding places. Yeah.

Oh. That's how they get you. But how do you know your study was right? Well, I just read the papers from scientists saying, oh, there's no actual scientific proof. You read something on Reddit, didn't you? From kombucha. These people aren't

anti-kombucha. And I'm not, don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-kombucha if you drink it because you like the taste. Good on you, my friend. But don't drink it

believing that you're curing everything that ails you. No scientific backing. You're going to have to bring it back to get me back on board with your fact of the day.

Well, today's fact of the day is about Avengers Infinity War. Okay. Yep, of course it is. So little stats about this amazing film that if you've not seen, you simply must. The biggest domestic opening in America. So that took down Star Wars The Force Awakens. Yep.

So that's the biggest domestic opening in America. The biggest worldwide debut. It's got that record now. The biggest pure Friday gross, which doesn't count Thursday Night Preview, is just what it earned on the Friday. It's got that record now. The biggest pure Friday gross, which doesn't count Thursday night previews, just what it earned on the Friday. It beat Jurassic World by over like $3 million in one day. It's $66.9 million in one Friday.

The biggest Saturday gross, the biggest Sunday gross, and it's beaten a whole lot of records, and it's on track to be probably. And New Zealand. And New Zealand as well. And New Zealand records. Yeah. And that continues.

And Indian records, by the way. Indian cinemas, like, excuse me. We've got our own film industry here and it does very well, but it's blowing Bollywood out of the water. Oh, wow. In India. And it hasn't even opened in China yet. So it's going to make so much money.

It's on track to be the biggest grossing movie of all time. But, today's fact of the day is in 1998 Marvel offered all of its movie rights to Sony indefinitely for $25 million. Why would you do that? So in the 90s,

I've just recently listened to this podcast, it's called Business Wars, and they look at like big wars between, not wars, but big competition between two major companies. And the one I just listened to this podcast. It's called Business Wars and they look at like big wars between, not wars, big competition between two major companies. Right. And the one I listened to, I just listened to, is DC Comics, which is your Superman, your Batman, your Wonder Woman, Justice League, Suicide Squad versus Marvel, which is all

the people. And they always had movies before Marvel. So they were the first to get into movies. Yeah, right. They were the first to get into TV. Batman, that real campy old 1960s dance around Batman thing, that was the first superhero on TV really. That's what led to a into TV. Batman, that real campy old 1960s dance around Batman thing, that was the first superhero on TV. That's what led to a lot of the rumours about Batman and Robin in the cave. What were they doing?

Really good. And then they were the first to have a movie with Superman. And then they did Batman, so they were the first to get into the movies. And there was a time where Marvel was not doing well in the 90s. Nothing, they couldn't really get anything off the ground. And so in 1998, they said to Sony Pictures,

do you want to buy all of, you can have everything. Anything with thousands of characters, you take your pick. We'll sell the lot to you to make movies indefinitely for $25 million. And Sony said,

nah, we'll take Spider-Man because that's the only one anyone likes out of all of these characters none of the rest are ever going to make it big in the movies none of them

are ever going to take off Iron Man that sounds stupid Iron Man Captain America Hulk or Black Panther all of these

no they'll never take off we'll have Spider-Man for 10 million so they don't own Spider-Man or did they get it back no they haven't got it back yet right

there's Spider-Man that's why Spider-Man or did they get it back? No, they haven't got it back yet. Right. There's Spider-Man. That's why Spider-Man hasn't had his own, hasn't been involved in the Marvel franchise earlier. Right. Than Civil War was where he came into it because Sony still have rights to it and they make money off him appearing in movies made by other companies.

So that's why he's not had a bigger role till now. But they still have Spider-Man rights. That's crazy. But they could have Spider-Man rights. That's crazy. But they could have had them all. But then you think about how rubbish. Imagine like growing up in the 90s, you go to the movies to see Iron Man and he's just like in a cardboard box costume.

It came at the right place at the right time. Didn't it? Because you couldn't pull off Iron Man in the 90s. The early Spider-Man movies were pretty good. At the time, now they've not aged. That's a Lycra costume. That's not a flying robot suit. So yeah, you're talking about like a robot suit. So, yeah, they could have had it all for $25 million,

which is what Avengers has made in like the blink of an eye. Yeah. And chances are they wouldn't have been as good. They wouldn't have been as good as they are. No. They're really onto something now with the Marvel Studios. So today's fact of the day is Sony was offered the right to every Marvel character, everyone in Infinity War and beyond,

in 1998 for $25 million, and they said, no thanks. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. That guy out there is brushing a palm tree. He's dusting it. He's dusting the palm tree. He's got an air blower. That's what I need for mine because mine are all dusty.

No, that's water. That's... Those tanksy wheels around is like a spray thing and he waters them. This is the plant guy. This is why they're so good. Yeah. The plants look so nice because mine are dusty. Yeah.

You've got to spray it with water because it feels like it's in a rainforest. And I said to him, is this a special duster? Because I've talked to him. You'd probably be surprised. I was fascinated with his work. Yeah. And I said, is this just a feather duster? He's like, no, it's a special duster.

So then you can buy like a plant duster. I need a special duster for my plants. I know. Because mine and my plants have got a film on them. My ficus gets... That's what I'm talking about. My ficus gets very dusty. With a wet cloth.

Hard though because I don't want to break the leaves. Right. But you're right. It does need to spray like it's in a rainforest. Just wipe it with a wet cloth. Hard though, because I don't want to break the leaves. Right. But you're right, it does need to spray like it's in a rainforest. Remind of a home. Okay. Fletch, Vaughan and Meekins Food Fights.

The Kiwi Treat Edition. And we are searching for New Zealand's favourite Kiwi treat. It's Knockout Round. So once a food loses, a Kiwi treat loses to another Kiwi treat, it is out.

And you can vote on our Instagram, FVMZM. We've had thousands of votes already. We'll keep you up to date with the last 24 hours. We've had eliminations. K-Bar versus $1 Mixture. $1 Mixture takes that out. It's goodbye to you, K-Bar. That's so sad.

And just like that, it's gone. A Kiwi treat, gone. Blue Powerade versus Milo. An interesting matchup. Milo taking it out. It's hello, hot comfort friend. Goodbye, blue hangover. Do you think that's because people associate the Blue Powerade with a hangover,

but yet the childhood memory of Milo. Yeah, it's nostalgia with Milo. And it's nostalgia. It brings back those memories. Perhaps. Okay. The punnett of hot chips beat the dairy pie. This was a hiding. It was an absolute smashing. A punnett of hot chips beat the dairy pie. This was a hiding. It was a

absolute smashing. A punnett of hot chips could go all the way at this stage. And in the big chippy battle of yesterday's round, Grainwaves, Salt, Sour Cream and Chives versus Squisties, it was the Grainwaves that moved through to the next round. And that was the closest one. There was only a couple of percentage

in there. Yeah, that was pretty close. Now today, we announced before we got two rounds. Spicy Tomato Manchos versus Rations. I'll bring you up to date with those results. Spicy Tomato Manchos in the lead at 54%. Yes. Ration, 46%. Raro

versus Jelly Crystals was our earlier round as well. We called this the after school finger dip round. Raro smashing them. We called this the after school finger dip round. Raro smashing them. 83% of the vote versus Jelly Crystals, 17. But are people not understanding that it's dipping your finger in them?

Because I feel like if you were to choose one to dip your finger into, Jelly Crystals every time. Lime, raspberry. I'd do Raro. Blackcurrant. Blackberry. Yum. No. Yum. No. You've gone too far. Okay. Blue. Whatever that was. Blackberry. Yum. No. Yum. No, you've gone too far. Okay. Blue.

Whatever that was. Blueberry. Blueberry. Was it blueberry? No, you're on your own then, mate. No, blue jelly wasn't blueberry. Not when I was young. They didn't even try to disguise the fact that I wasn't healthy in the late 90s.

I've just Googled it. It was blueberry. Yeah, that's it there. Is that it? Blue jelly. What was green? Green. Green is lime. Lime. And then there's a lemonade one. They've got a lemonade one. Is it the yellow one? Lemon. that's it there. Is that it? Blue, yeah. What was green? Green is lime.

And then there's a lemonade one. They've got a lemonade one. Is it the yellow one? Lemon. That, yuck. No one was getting that. No one was rushing in to get that one. Well, two new rounds are joining the fray for today.

You can go along to FEMZM on Instagram to vote for these. Morrow versus Crunchy. Crunchy have got to take... You'd bite... Would you ever bite the whole sides off? Oh, of course. And then the top? Yeah, and then the top.

And then you'd be like, oh, the middle part. And then just put the Crunchy on your tongue and it melted. And let it melt. Yeah. Whereas a Morrow, that seems to me like that's a dad chocolate bar. A Morrow. You know, it's just so plain. Could be a chew to a Morrow.

But you can choose anything you want in a store and you're choosing a Morrow? No. What about Mrow gold? It doesn't fit under this. No, it doesn't fit. No, it doesn't fit in. At the moment, crunchy having a slightly there 56% versus morrow's 44. Closer than I would have thought.

Closer than you'd thought. Okay. And this one, the battle of the bohemoths. The thirst quenches. It's primo versus V. So you've got a... Now, it's whatever flavour primo you like. Chocolate, I'm assuming most people think of a chocolate.

Chocolate, strawberry, banana. Versus a V. Versus a V. Now, that's... Oh, that's tough. They're completely different. You know when you want a V and you know when you want a primo. Like, completely different times of the day.

But you'd still appreciate them both. Well, after just short of 3,000 votes on this, who do you think's winning at a primo and V? V. Primo. Primo is winning 56% of the vote at this stage. All right, well, we've been getting so many votes and the voting is for 24 hours.

So FVMZM, our Instagram, vote now for your favourite Kiwi treat. We'll come back with more rounds tomorrow as we keep eliminating our favourite Kiwi treats to find that number one. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZM online.

ZM.