ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 02 2019

Episode Date: May 1, 2019

Host of the Best Foods Comedy Gala Auckland - Rhys Nicholson is in studio, Food Fight and when were you judged for wearing makeup?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Yes, good morning. Good morning. Vaughan is not eager to set phones up. No, but I'm professional. You wouldn't even know.

I'm getting them out with one hand. We know. Unraveling them with the other. People wouldn't know. Oops, light kink. Undone. Plugged in. Oh, my head. People also know because you're talking way quieter than the rest of us. Oh, was that quieter?

Yeah. Okay. Hard to judge without the headphones on. Here I am. There you are. There he is. And you can't hear the fun music in the background. Oh, yeah, that really adds a little something.

In studio, doesn't it? A little back and track. On the show today, we've got another chance with ZM's World Tour for you to see Carly live in concert on the show this morning.

We'll do that sometime before 10. And there has been a cat thrown amongst the pigeons when it comes to our food fight. Oh, God.

Chippy edition. Drama. Drama. Absolute drama. There may be a disqualification. We'll update you on this as we announce our new rounds for the day, as well as yesterday's winners, soon on Food Fight.

I know one of my favourites already out of the race to be New Zealand's number one chippy. That's good news. You can still buy it and eat it yourself. Well, I ate half a bag yesterday. This is terrible, by the way, what we've done. We've got a pack of each of these chips, and we leave them around work. It's a test in your willpower, and you fail.

Your willpower is shocking. I was like, I'll just have two rations, and then I was like, I'll have a couple more, a couple more. And then you were like, well, my diet's broken, and I was like, I'll eat them all. Exactly. All you have to do is cast an eye on some balls, and you're a cheese ball, and you're just absolutely, you're a mess.

Willpower gone. Must have. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, three news headlines for story time. As always, Vaughn and Megan pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, woman goes for beehive hairstyle. Headline two, police looking for poncho-wearing bank robber.

And headline three, not everyone happy with unicorns. Why wouldn't they be happy with unicorns? So the beehive hairstyle, the beehive dropped on her hair day and she got 20 stings. She had to go to hospital. Correct, Megan. Oh, I just look at these cartoons. Because whenever you see a beehive in the wild,

they're not like a giant football shape. No, it's not perfect. But it didn't go on her head like in a cartoon either. I just donked. Just donked her. It broke and then she got the stings. I only heard unicorns. I've forgotten what the middle one was.

I'm keen for unicorns. You want unicorns? Lock in unicorns I forgot what the middle one was I'm keen for unicorns You want unicorns? Lock in unicorns Lock it in Alright we go now To the UK Where children and parents Will soon have the opportunity

To meet real life Colourful unicorns And not everybody Is happy about it I'll show you a picture Of the unicorn Oh that looks so great It's super cute So they have got Can't argue with cuteness They have got white horses She's like painting horses. The unicorn. Oh, that looks so great, though. Super cute.

Super cute. So they have got white horses, and they've coloured their, what's the here? Mains. Mains. Like a light blue, green, and purple, and red. It looks great. All the colours of the rainbow. Yeah, it looks great.

And then they have a fixed, a colourful rainbow horn. Right, that's where your problems start arising. How are those attached? Surgically or just loosely? No, they're loosely. I can't, from that photo, I think there's just some kind of strap, a harness, around its face and then on the top they've kind of put it on.

Oh, that's okay then. Horses are suffering way more in our society than just strapping a horn on its head. Animal rights organisation PETA have told the press that dressing up animals sends the wrong message to children and horses can be easily spooked in a party environment. So yes, those are the concerns. Oh, so they don't want children and horses at parties full stop?

Well, yeah. That's why they're against unicorn parties. I don't know, Sam. I always just think PET Peter's too far extreme. Look, they've got the miniature horses, the miniature ponies. Oh, they're just miniature unicorns. That's pretty dope, yo. I would have wanted my potter.

So apparently the unicorn dream CEO has told the press that the horses are very well looked after and that the hair dye is organic and animal friendly. It easily washes out. And the unicorns are no different from dressage horses. Yeah, but see, Peter's against that as well. They don't like that as well. Right, okay. Yeah.

If it's getting some carrots and it's getting grass and it's healthy and it's getting some shuss. Surely it would be better than a dressage horse, right? Because it's... Well, yeah, and it's not jumping around, is it? It's just doing what it wants. Yeah, I guess. Just chilling.

With a bit of hair dye. Look at this photo. They're like over there, stable gates. It's like, hello. It reminds me of a children's book called Thelma the Unicorn. Oh, really? The girls have got it. Thelma's like a little squat minute to your pony.

Yeah. And there's like this beautiful stallion thoroughbred thing. Oh, yeah. And girls have got it. Thelma's like a little squat minutes a year pony. Yeah. And there's like this beautiful stallion thoroughbred thing. Oh, yeah. And she's very jealous. And then a truck carrying ice cream cones and glitter goes around the corner and crashes and makes her, and everyone believes that Thelma's a unicorn. She gets really famous, but then she finds out being famous isn't all it's cut out to be. People won't leave her alone.

Oh, no. Some people are just mean to her for no reason. Oh, yeah. Just to are just mean to her for no reason. Oh, yeah. Just to be mean to something. Right. So she takes it off and she goes back and she realises that she was happy being a minutiae horse all along. Just an average minute horse.

The grass isn't always greener kind of scenario. Yeah, very much so. It's actually a really good story with a message. It's a cool story. Yeah. Most kids' stories have like a message like that, Fletch. A good morrow. She tried going to a kid's movie.

No, but what about that one with the bottom that comes off what oh the I need a new bottom yeah what's the message of that

no because my parents have got that I need a new bottom I need a new bottom what happens right at the end what's the message in that like

be happy with your bottom no because his bottom because what happens in the story he takes off his bottom oh no no because he thinks because his bottom's he sees it in the mirror for the first time and his bottom. Oh, no, no, no, because he thinks, because his bottom's got to...

He sees it in the mirror for the first time and sees the big crack down it and he's like, I need a new bottom because it's broken. But it's just like, don't panic.

Right, it's chill. That's just what bottoms look like. Your bottom. Yeah. It's a great kid's story. It really is brilliant. Don't panic with your body

or something. I don't know. What's that message? Yeah, yeah, just be happy. Be happy with your ass. Yeah. Everyone's cracked. Everyone don't know. What's that message? Yeah, yeah. Just be happy. Be happy with what you've got. Everyone's cracked. Everyone's got one. Everyone's got a crack.

If you have a crack, you'd want a new one. Well, yeah, true. Imagine if you didn't have a crack. It was just a little hole on the outside. And there was no... No crack. No crevice. The whole thing was round.

It was still rounded. But it was more like an orange. The top of an orange or a mandarin. Yes, it was still rounded. But it was more like an orange, the top of an orange, or a mandarin. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. But then you'd need a plug hole. Would you? No, it'd still be more like a mandarin. What is the only thing stopping you shooting yourself the cheeks of your ass?

The ass would still be shot. Oh, right. But it would just be on the outside of the... It would still, yeah. No, but that's... That's weird, isn't it, to think about that? Yeah, nah. I'm just thinking about logistics. Yeah, same.

We're going to need a bit of time. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast. ZM. Facebook is getting a facelift, and if you're some of the people in the studio, you've already got it. I haven't. You probably haven't updated your app.

Have I? Remember that time you were like, what's wrong with my phone? And you hadn't updated it for like four years. Whoopsies. So you may have noticed that the blue is going. So the blue strips around as being deleted, essentially. That's the most obvious change. This is on your face

because on your, on your, sorry, on your Facebook app on your phone. Because online, the browser still looks exactly the same. Right.

It probably hasn't changed yet because I think it's going to look different. So they had their big developers conference yesterday where he got up and spoke. Yeah. Was that the one

where he was walking through the crowd and they were all wearing virtual reality lenses and it looked like some freaky. Geek fest? Yeah. Was that the one where he was walking through the crowd and they were all wearing virtual reality lenses and it looked like some freaky geek fest? Yeah.

Nah, because he had this creepy robot smile and it just looked like that's our future. Like it looked like episode of Black Panther. And he stood in front

of that big sign on the stage that said the future is privacy or Facebook's future is privacy or something and everyone just started laughing.

Yeah, good one dude. So he said the new Facebook makes communities as central as friends. FB5 is simpler, faster and more immersive. It makes it easy to find what you're looking for and get to your most used features. So

it's going to put your groups that you're in more prominent in your timeline and then on the right-hand side, you'll see groups. Also, Ivory, they're going to do a desktop messenger and they're going to make messenger encrypted like WhatsApp. Yeah. A desktop messenger, like an app, like an ICQ or an MSN messenger.

We've gone all the way back. I know, right? The circle of life is complete. I don't know why you'd need that because you'd be, you've got Messenger anyway on your phone and you just open up Facebook if you want to send a message, right? Yeah. Weird.

Did you get a, when I signed into Facebook yesterday, did you get a little survey? It pops up and it's like, do you think that Facebook cares about its users? It was a little thing you had to say yes or no. And I said no. And then it said thank you for your feedback. Oh no, you're on a blacklist now.

Yeah. That wasn't a very big survey, was it? No. And it just popped up I had to answer before I carried on. Did you not get that yesterday? No. Oh. So they're obviously like feeling vulnerable or something because everyone's abusing them

Do you still like us? Do you think I like you? Do you think I like you? But you probably think I'm just with you for your money now and your eyes and stuff, but I just don't really like you. But no, I don't think you care about me, but I'm still going to use it.

Well, yeah, exactly. I know you take my private information, but yeah, I'm still going to use it. Just. Well, we all are, aren't we? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm using it less, though. I feel I'm using it. Like. I feel I'm using it. Like I don't ever post photos. I read a thing about how pages like Facebook or like Reddit was another example, Instagram, 99% of people have become passive users. Like are on it all the time and looking but very rarely post. Oh, right. Okay.

Or take part in it. They just are happy to watch the other people looking, but very rarely post. Oh, right, okay. Or take part in it. They just are happy to watch the other people. Yeah, to lurk. Very voyeuristic. You're a lurker, right? Yeah. You're very much a lurker. Well, I'll post stuff on Instagram, but Facebook, definitely a lurker.

You're a lurker. I'll chuck out the odd like. Don't be reluctant. I liked that video of you carrying sharts over the water yesterday. Oh, yeah. In your gumboots. That was nice of you. Why didn't she walk over the...

Because she had shoes on and she didn't want to get her socks wet. That's very nice of him. Also, yeah, I carried her over, but then when we were walking back and I was carrying her back over it, I said I'd jump on for a piggyback and I found out she's, like, very rarely ever had piggybacks, done piggybacks. No, I don't need a piggyback. Because I was like, you've got to jump because she just, like, flopped on me. I was like,'t have piggybacks. Because I was like, you've got to jump.

Because she just like flopped on me. I was like, no, you've got to jump. No, you've got to jump on. So I then grab your legs and using your jump, whisk you up into the piggyback position. Yeah. And she's like, no, I've never really been piggybacked. I was like, are you cutting me?

I don't let people piggyback me because I'm scared they'll be like, oh. That's what she said. Most people wouldn't like being piggybacked because she didn't even like being picked up because even though I wasn't struggling, I was just trying not

to fall over in wet sinking sand. She's like, stop struggling. I'm like, I'm not struggling. I just, I don't want us

to both end up wet. Yeah. But that's what she said. People don't like, girls don't like piggybacks because they don't like to hear someone go, oh,

when they've got to like move them. One time Andrew carried me on our wedding day and he groaned, never again. He was like, and I was like, excuse me? He let out an audible sound while picking you up. Oh, what is he, crazy? I was a woman, I couldn't be with a man that couldn't pick me up.

No, he did. He picked me up, but it was the groan that pissed me off. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Hello there. There's been a test of New Zealand wastewater. And this is from all major wastewater processing plants around New Zealand. So basically, if you live in town, this doesn't include rural usage either. Because you've got a septic tank.

That's right, you get that emptied. So basically, if you live in a rural centre, an urban centre, you do number ones and number twos. You flush the toilet and that goes down into a waste pipe and that ends up at a wastewater treatment plant and they do little tests on it

to see what's in the water. Now one thing they can tell is how much drugs are being how many people are using drugs it's pretty crazy eh like they've tested all this water and all these drugs have come back yeah is it because ways yeah yeah the drugs that um you passed through you right much like doing a workplace drug test yeah right So they test this water and they've said half, 1.3 million dollars is spent on methamphetamine in New Zealand a day.

500 million. Yep. 500 million every year. This is just by what they've found by testing the water. And again, they've averaged that out. So I don't know if urban or rural usage is higher.

I know it's a bloody problem. It's a huge problem for New Zealand. It's such a horrible drug too. Yeah. Wow, I did not know that. So they're saying half a billion dollars a year is being spent on methamphetamine in New Zealand by these water tests.

It's pretty crazy. They found a whole lot of other stuff as well. Drug, drugs. Yeah, like the top drugs per region or by region. It's crazy. Yeah. So the top six other things they found in the water. Number six, that little nugget of poo you had to stomp down the plug hole

when you ambitiously farted in the shower. Vaughan! Tell me that hasn't happened. Tell me that hasn't happened. Do you remember somebody told us that story? Who are you pointing it at? I wasn't pointing it at you. I was just pointing in this area.

Did you hear it? I don't remember. Okay, don't worry about it. Number five, shit in the hair. Phew. Okay, we're off the hook. I don't remember. Do you not remember that story?

It was a great story. Oh, no. What now? I have never shat in the shower. You sharted in the shower. No I didn't. I sharted on the couch. Get your facts right, Bourne. You're going to get your sharting locations

stories. Wait, were you sick? Yes, okay. I don't want to go into this. This was a private conversation. Nothing's private with Vaughn. It really triggered my fancy. It was a great... I thought it was in the shower.

Nah. That would have been great. Who told us that they had... I can't remember. Somebody definitely told us here that they had to stomp something on a plug hole. And it made me laugh. Okay, I apologise.

It wasn't Anja. She just shit herself on the couch. Number five on the list of the top six other things they found when testing wastewater are all your conditioner

because that seems to run out so much faster than the shampoo. Someone has got to be tipping it down the plug hole. Make the conditioner bigger than the shampoo.

Please, come on. That was my solution too. Sade said that. It always runs out quicker. I was like, well, why don't they just make the conditioner like 50% bigger

or 25% bigger? Because it doesn't lather up so we need more of it. Yeah. I don't even have hair and I know that. Come on. Is it lava or lather?

It depends on how posh you are. Lather. It doesn't lather up. It doesn't lather up. Lather up. It doesn't lather up. It doesn't lather up at all. Number four on the list

of the top six other things they found when treating the wastewater glitter it's everywhere else I assume it's in our wastewater as well and it's a little bit like waste

you're supposed to be buying that biodegradable stuff yeah but even if you have a shower when you get home if you've been glittered you're still finding that in your bed

and everywhere oh cough it's in your hair it's in your ears it's awful isn't it up your nose oh horrible you're gonna start rolling around in it number three in every way. Oh, cough. It's in your hair, it's in your ears. It's awful, isn't it? Up your nose. Oh, horrible. You've got to start

rolling around in it. Number three on the list of the top six other things they found when treating the wastewater are that thing you didn't want to eat for dinner when you were a kid

so you smuggled it to the toilet and went, I just got in the toilet and your mum's like, make it quick and you get there and you're like.

One whole Brussels sprout. Yeah. I'm going to need to go six more times. You've got to do a few trips in the toilet if you're going to need to put one Brussels sprout in your mouth at a time. Number two on the list of the top six things they also found in the

water when trading wastewater. Those goldfish you didn't tell the kids had you know, passed away. What are we going to do with them? Don't stick them in the bin. The cat will get them out or they'll start to stink. We flush them at midnight. Goodbye, little fishies.

And the number one for the top six today of the top six things they found when treading wastewater. Something. They found something. That's what the song was about. Oh, okay. Wow. Something. She doesn't really ever say what it is. Brooke Fry's a huge fan of working at a wastewater treatment plant.

That's what she does now, actually. Wow, right, okay. Because this song, she's trying to get some extra funding. For the wastewater. No, for the wastewater plant. Oh, right. Yeah this song, she's trying to get some extra funding. For the wastewater. No, for the wastewater plant. Oh, right. Yeah, the something could be anything that we've named. Right.

Or old people's teeth. It's all in the water. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Now, we said before that we were going to talk about an Australian landlord, which could be the worst flat in history. We've had a message in. Somebody text messaged in saying,

is this the flat where there are two single beds and there's two day rentals and two night rentals? Heard it all before. I wouldn't use that break if I were you. That's what somebody messaged in for the show. And I said, thanks for your feedback. Do you have a topic that we could perhaps fill this break with now that you've shed on our dreams?

Yeah. And they said, talk about your goats. Oh, we've heard enough about your goats. So... Oh, we've heard enough about your goats. Up to you. I haven't heard about this landlord story. So, stuff them. Well, basically what they've said, they've absolutely knocked the nail on the head.

This is in Australia. It was advertised on Facebook. It was accommodation, but the deal is that there's two single beds in a single room. It's a small room. Yeah. And it's like a kid-sized bedroom and kid-sized beds. Yeah. And there's two beds in there, and basically they want four people to rotate through it.

So obviously- Like a dorm. Two nighttime workers, two daytime workers. So they sleep in the same bed, but obviously when the nighttime workers are at work, the daytime sleepers sleep and vice versa. But are you going to change sheets each time and use different pillows? I'd probably rock a sleeping bag.

In summer though, in Sydney? And to be honest, if you're willing to share a bed with someone, literally like it'd still be warm from them when you jump in. You're probably not too worried about the sheets. No, you're willing to share a bed with someone, literally, like it'd still be warm from them when you jump in. You're probably not too worried about the sheets. No, you're probably not. So they kind of targeted it as people who have to come to the city to work, I think. I was reading about it

because someone asked what would happen at the weekends. Right. Because obviously not everybody would work or if it was four days on, four days off and some people's shifts. Yeah, right. One maybe with four days on, four days off for somebody, but three days on, three days off for the other,

there would be a lot of confusion. So he said it would work best for people who have to come to the city to work, but then at the weekend go back to where their family is. And I was like, that can't happen that many, and I kind of looked into it, and sadly, heaps of people are doing it. They go somewhere for work, but it's too expensive to get.

I'm imagining it would be totally happening in Auckland. People have to work in Auckland, that's where their work is. Yeah, right. But it's too expensive to keep their family there so they don't see their family during the week. They just go home and see them at the weekend. Well, yeah, a lot of people commute quite a few hours a day

just to get to work from out of the city. Yeah. So that's on the $123 a week. That's not bad. Yeah, but not, what are you, what are you, you're just getting a bed.

And that's the other thing, you're sharing a bed but also remember there's another adult in that room with you while you're sleeping too. I forgot about that. Oh yeah.

Yeah. This seems like something you do when you go like snowboarding in Whistler or whatever and you want to live there for a season and you just lift

three people to the room. Two beds and a mattress on the floor. Or London, kind of feels like a London kind of thing to do, doesn't it? Yeah. Got a South African in the cupboard and an Australian in the upper part of the cupboard.

Yeah, I was like, this is like my home. You keep your South African in the cupboard. You don't know what they're going to do when you go to the bathroom. Exactly. Yeah. Keep them well locked up. Announce that you're going. Announce it.

Fleshforn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. The Best Foods Comedy Gala is back. So it's on tonight. It's being filmed. It's going to play out over the next three Fridays on TVNZ2 at 8 o'clock. And we've got up for grabs $500 cash and a Best Foods hamper. Super easy to win.

You've just got to watch the Best Foods Comedy Gala when it's on TVNZ2. There'll be a question that pops up. You've just got to text 9696 with the answer to be in the draw the following Monday to win that $500 cash. Hosting that very gala and in studio with us right now, Rhys Nicholson. Hello. Hello.

Welcome over from Australia. Thank you. We've got the sexier accent, though. I don't know if you saw that list. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I mean, it's definitely sexier than mine. yours doesn't involve as much of a lisp as mine right nothing really gets people going like a list it's like mmm sexy how many times have you been to our fair land now i've been here quite a bit i really like i always joke with my agent that i should

just move here because i have more success here than my own country i think um i really i really love i think this is my fourth comedy festival, I think. Yeah, I love it here. It's like Australia, but without all the awful people. We've got our own. We've got our own awful people. We just hide them. Oh, good. When the guests come over, we hide them.

We elect them into Parliament. Really? That's a novel approach to things to do with your terrible people. Elect is a strong word. Yeah. So, do you think New Zealand's got a good comedy scene compared to Australia? I mean, I think they're pretty similar. But what I like about here, I was at a gig the other night, and I noticed everyone's friends here on the comedy scene.

It's less kind of cliquey in Australia. It's more kind of you've got all the different groups of city and city and blah, like, everyone's friends here on the comedy scene. Like, everyone's, it's less kind of clicky in Australia. It's more kind of, you've got, like, all the different groups of, like, City and City and blah, blah, blah. Whereas here, like, people like Eli Mathewson and Rosemary Feo and stuff, they're all, like, mates and they do shows together and they do plays together. And I always just come here and just go, like, but you all like it. You know, you're meant to hate each other.

That's right. This is show business. You're meant to cut each other down all the time. Who's your pecs to see at the comedy fest this year? Who, you know, that is... Um, should have done other down all the time. Who's your picks to see at the Comedy Fest this year? Who do you know that is playing? Should have done my research before the interview. Just say your favourite New Zealand comedians. They always come home.

Eli Mathewson is a mate of mine. Tim Batts is amazing. Tim Batts is doing this show where it's him on a couch. I saw a small excerpt of it. I don't quite understand what's happening with this show, but it's already like Tim Batts, do you know, like he's gonna be amazing. He's one of my favorite comics.

So what's your show? I mean, you're hosting the gala, but I assume you're doing that whole show series as well. Yeah, I'm doing, I'm coming later in the month. Can't remember my date. It's early guys. Usually I'm just getting home. Yeah, I'm doing my show here.

I think I'm doing it at the Q Theatre. Yeah, like one doing my show here. I think I'm doing it at Q Theatre. Yeah, like one of my favourite venues. Lovely little. Yeah, so great. It's not that little, how dare you? No, but I'm doing my show, Nice People, Nice Things, Nice Situations it's called. Rhys, thanks so much for popping in. Thank you, I'm going back to bed. Bye.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan The Podcast ZM So there's been a bit of research That has showed that 68% This is British women Okay Are wearing makeup On the day they give birth

And some are even reapplying During labour Oh okay Well that answers my question Like maybe you didn't know You were going to go into labour that day Nah you did You know like

So you had all your makeup on You were going out then Oh I'm going to have my baby now. Contractions are five minutes apart, you're like whew, okay, that's finished. I'm just going to nip off to the bathroom, I'm going to pat on my nose and reapply my lip. Now, I've never been in that scenario

and I've never been in that much pain, so maybe you don't worry about it, but I would probably wear makeup. But I'd probably already be wearing makeup. Yeah, what about your wife? When you realised you had to rush her to the hospital? First time, no. Yeah.

Because it kind of happened. It was a huge surprise. Yeah. Second time, we just, she had makeup on and we were just going in for a check and they were like, oh, we're probably going to do this now. Right, so she'd put it on. So she'd already put it on,

but she didn't worry about updating. Right, okay. And the trouble is if you've got mascara on and you get all like, cry-'d put it on. So she'd already put it on, but she didn't worry about updating. Right, okay. And the trouble is if you've got mascara on and you get all like, cry-y. Teary. Well, you want your waterproof mascara on. Yeah, right. You should be wearing your best masky.

Yeah. Yeah. So 68% is two-thirds. However, we ran an Instagram poll saying, would you wear makeup in labour? And 74% of people said, nope. Really? Yeah.

Wow. That's from our little Instagram poll this morning. Because I never see you without makeup, Megan. Apart from the one time I ran into you in the supermarket. It's a famous, I've talked about this many times, and I didn't recognise you. It was a famous event. You were in, um, dress down.

It was like you were. She was dressed down. You were dressed down, looking impoverished. Disgusting if I could use the D word. It was like you were I was like, oh Megan.

Yeah, because I was like hopefully she's like ah! Yeah, literally I was a bit of a like ah! But I never see you

without makeup. Like even when you wake up, you wake up early to come to work to put makeup on. Yeah. And then in the weekends

I wear makeup. I just wear makeup every day. I don't know why. I think it must cost so much money. It does. Thank you, Fletch. Being a bald man, you save so much money on makeup and hair stuff. Hair stuff, yeah.

You go through razors, they're not cheap. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get through them. Oh, God, horrible. The things that guys have to do. Oh, yeah, we're really suffering. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Get through them. Oh, God. Horrible. The things that guys have to do. Oh, yeah. We're really suffering there. I mean, we don't have to wear makeup, but I just choose to every day.

Yeah, right. And I probably, I don't think I would reapply during labor, but I think I'd probably be one of these people that. Okay. But it also depends how long your labor was going on. Yeah, if it was like a few hours. Here's a question for you, though. If you were booked in for a C-section, say in two days or tomorrow,

or let's say you wake up now and you're going in for a C-section at 10 o'clock. You're like, well, we'll leave the house soon. Would you put on makeup? Yeah. No, but I'm not going to sleep. I'm not getting a general. I think that might be my rule.

If I'm getting a general anesthetic. If I'm going to be completely unconscious, I'm not getting a general. I think that might be my rule. If I'm getting a general anesthetic. If I'm going to be completely unconscious, I won't put on makeup. But if I'm only getting a local painkiller. No, because I don't know what tubes and tape. Because they put tape on your eyes, don't they? When you go under general. Oh, what? Oh, is that just in the movies?

No, don't they put tape on your eyes? To keep your eyes shut? Yeah. Or like tubes, and you know how they put tubes on your face and tape? This is going to ruin my foundation. That's when you're in like a medically induced coma, isn't it? Oh, is it? I don't know.

That's not just for a bit of general. I think you've been watching too much Grey's Anatomy, Megan. Yeah, right. I don't know. I've never been in a operating theatre. Well, you don't know what they're going to do to your face while you're under, so I might wake up and have like ruined mascara. Well, they probably couldn't stick the tape to your face because of all the caked on makeup.

They'd have to wipe it all off. No, they just have to wrap. It's like when you just wrap a parcel. You just put the sellotape round and round and round and round and round. So, general, if I had a general anaesthetic, no, I wouldn't wear it. But for caesarean, I would. But do you know what? I see girls at the gym all the time.

Caked up makeup. I'm like, you're just going to sweat. Don't say caked up. It's offensive. Well, it is caked up. I saw an old girl at the gym yesterday. She hadaked up makeup i'm like you just don't say caked up it's offensive well it is casey an old girl at the gym yesterday she had like a all her rings on she had a face full of makeup um she had her hair done she was oh she's not planning to like sweet you know it's not appropriate to video people when they're using um exercise equipment but megan does get wound up

when people don't use the rower right but she was like this I know sometimes I see people I secretly Snapchat people rowing really badly to send it to Megan I just want to go past to be like what you're doing

is pointless straight on your back it's not about that it's about your legs somebody's messaged in their name's Tegan saying you're not allowed to wear makeup

when you have a c-section you've got to be barefaced and beautiful if it's a planned c-section they tell you not to come in, makeup on. Why? I don't know. When they told me to take my nail polish off when I had surgery, I was like, you need to tell me why.

You need to give me a detailed reason why. And it was a good reason, actually. What was the reason? Because they need to be able to see your nails. They press your fingers to test oxygen level or something. Like a cake, you press it

and if it bounces back, the sponge is ready. They need to be able to see the colour underneath your fingers. Somebody else said they work in a theatre, Megan. You're right,

they do put tape over your eyes but it's more of a special eye sticker. But why do they do it? Is it in case you wake up? But you know

when people say they wake up and they can't move but they can open their eyes, doctors just don't want that guilt. They're like, their eyes are shut they're asleep. But you know when people say they wake up and they can't move but they can open their eyes, doctors just don't want that guilt. They're like, their eyes are shut, they're asleep.

But imagine waking up in the middle of a surgery and there's a sticker over your eye. I think that'd be the least of your worries. People waking up during surgery. This is true. So I'd love to know where you wore makeup

and you got stick for it. It's happened to me often. Just every time we do anything exercising and I'm wearing makeup, you guys are like, why are you wearing makeup when we're going mountain biking? Because we might...

Yeah, why were you wearing makeup? I just wear it all the time. Put that cute selfie at the top. But then you ended up in hospital and you look great in your makeup. Yeah, exactly. When you broke your leg. It's like putting on your good undies.

You know? Because you never know when St. John's going to cut your jeans off. Exactly. All right, so 0800DARLS.M. Give us a call. You can text 9696. When did you get crap for wearing makeup?

So there's a study that's come out. 68% of women in Britain. Excuse me. No, it's no better. No, it is better. Have another go. Have another one. Sometimes it's that. And don't just cough. Give it a bit of a. No, yeah, I've got it. I've got it. No, it's no better. No, it is better. Have another go. Have another one. Sometimes it's that.

And don't just cough. Give it a bit of a... No, yeah, I've got it. I've got it. You got it? 68% of women in Britain are wearing makeup during labour and getting makeup reapplied. Well, we asked on our Instagram

if you would wear makeup during labour. Kiwi women's. Only 26% said yep. That surprises me, actually. That it's that different to the British women. Yeah, 74% said no way. I think there might have been some confusion in that, though, because men may have voted thinking they were in the Labour Party.

If I was left of centre, I probably wouldn't wear makeup either. So we want to know from you where you maybe worn makeup. First of all, can we say we talked about taping the eyes shut during surgery. And you said they don't do that. They don't do that. We thought that was a movie thing, but they do because if your eyes stay open, they'll dry out. Oh, right. When you go under,

everybody reacts, I guess, differently to anesthetic. Some people would just straight up look dead. Oh, that's creepy. You've moved your eyes open. Yeah. Crazy. There you go. Sarah messaged in too. She said that she went into labour and she made her husband paint her

toenails so she'd have fresh nails for labour but to continue the lower half of the body maintenance she also made the husband shave her legs in the shower when she was feeling contractions. She's like when they're down there she wants it to be a pleasant experience. Yeah, right. I get that. Yeah. Lauren, when did you get crap for to be a pleasant experience. Yeah, right. I get that. Yeah.

Lauren, when did you get crap for wearing? No, Shannon. Shannon. Oh, it's Shannon. When did you get crap for wearing makeup? I'm a nurse. I work at the hospital and I only do night shifts. So I pretty much work under torchlight.

So everyone sort of wonders, why do you bother wearing makeup? But I kind of don't want to get mistaken for a patient because I look half ill when I haven't got anything on. Is it just the constant night shift strain on the body that makes you look a little... Oh, absolutely. Yeah. Absolutely.

And the constant coffee in my blood, I think. Yeah. And the never getting any sun because you're asleep during daytime hours. Yeah, basically a vampire. Yes. Yes, basically a vampire. Yeah. It makes you feel your best self, even if

internally you're, like, dying. Yep, yep, pretty much. You've got to look good, so you've got to give the patient some hope. A nurse would be the ideal spot for a vampire, actually, like an ideal job. And then you take a little bit of blood from each patient.

While no one's looking. Yeah. I think, have we found a new hilarious sitcom? A vampire news. Shannon, thanks for your call. Lauren, when did you get a bit of stick for wearing makeup? Me? Lauren?

Lauren. Yeah, for my first baby, I didn't have any makeup on, and I looked horrendous in all my baby photos. So I decided that... Lauren, I think if you've just squeezed a human the size of a watermelon out of your vagina, no one's really expecting you to look like a Victoria's Secret model in the makeup department.

You want to post the photos on Facebook and stuff, though. And so second time round, I don't actually feel contraction so I went in at 8 centimetres dilated they put me in a room and they came back in about an hour expecting it all

to be all go doctors midwives and I was in the bathroom just putting the foundation and eyelashes and everything on and getting my hair straightened and stuff

and they were gobsmacked Matt could have seen me put eyelashes on it like I'm guessing if you went in at eight centimetres and this was a couple of hours later, you're like fully, fully dilated. Pretty much good to go, yeah.

Oh, my God. You're right, though. Everyone puts up those, like, photos of me and baby right after it's born and it's like, I feel like, thanks, Kate Middleton. Zellie, hiya. Thanks for your call, Lauren. Some text messages.

Somebody said, I made my husband do a quick tidy up down there for me before I gave birth. What, with the hair clippers? No, with wax, apparently. But the wax brought on labour. The pain. The pain.

And it all kick-started everything. And he's like, I told you. And that's not what you say to a woman when she's just going through labour. I can just don't. Just don't. Just don't. What if she had like a wax strip

and then everything else was still hairy? He's like, do you want me to apply the tea tree? Or, tea tree, what are we doing here?

Somebody else said, I used to ride motocross and always wore makeup to events. People said, why you've got a helmet on? And I said, well,

because there's really hot boys who ride motorbikes and when I take the helmet off I want them to be like, wow. You want it to be like, wow. You want it to be a good reveal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it off and you sway your hair and you look great.

But that's how your expectations, the reality is it's all run because it's so sweaty under the mask. You take it off and your hair's all like a mess and in your face and stuck to your face. Yeah. Someone said, I put a lot of makeup on when I was going into labour because, again, I wanted to look nice. I just cried and sweated and it absolutely ruined. I looked like the Joker in my first photos with the baby.

That's awesome. And somebody said, I absolutely wore it when I was wearing full makeup to my scuba diving lessons. But the thing was, I looked it up online before I went and the instructor was gorgeous. So I bought waterproof makeup to put on and I wore it to my scuba diving lessons. When I took the mask off, it was all on the mask and stuff.

Good. Pretty happy with the first appearance. Yeah, I've been apart from that. Everything else is washed off. You look like a snowboarder. Yeah. ZM's Fletch Warner Meganughan and Megan, the podcast. This affects everyone in this room because we all drink protein shakes.

I've found mine makes me particularly gassy, you know, and I've got the shingles and I didn't go to the gym for a while. By the way, oh, my gosh. What? Kilograms. Put them on, can't lift them anymore. That's the irony there. Yeah, right. You gain Put them on, can't lift them anymore. That's the irony there. Yeah, right.

You gain them, but you can't lift them after taking. I did take a while off, but the doctor told me I should take it easy for a while. Well, yeah, the doctor said if you keep going, you'll kill yourself. Yeah, pretty much. Well, you were waking up at 3.30 in the morning. Yeah. Which is stupid. Sleep outweighs exercise.

Yeah. Lack of sleep's an officially recognised carcinogen. Oh my god, I'm going to say that every time I want to go to the gym versus Nat. Sleep outweighs exercise. Yep, it does. But you're going after work now. Yeah, yeah. That's hard. That's sensible though.

So, Mark. No, you say it makes you gassy. No, I was going to say it makes me so I'm back. Look, for a month there, you would agree, for a month there, my gas emissions were reduced significantly. Yeah. But now I'm back. Look, for a month there, you would agree, for a month there, my gas emissions were reduced significantly. But now I'm back on the protes. They've come back with the extra force. Yeah, it gives me a woggy tum sometimes. Like we were walking down a beach yesterday

and it was really like windy and I was like, I'll be able to sneak one here. And I farted and the kids were like, whoa. And they were like, upwind. That's how bad it is. It's defying gravity. Their noses are at that level. Yeah, they're at that height. So this has come from researchers at the University of Sydney.

They have found that these same amino acids and protein shakes that encourage the muscle bulking are bad for your overall health. So they could lead to weight gain, depression, and a shorter lifespan. What? None of that is good.

So what are they saying if you want protein after the gym, use what, like a plant? Or use natural meat protein or food protein? Well, you can get those pea proteins. I know that the natural plant protein is really expensive, though. But I also don't like peas because my mum used to make us eat them every night. That's why I can't eat peas. Does the pea protein taste like peas?

Peas is my favourite veggie, but peas is also a carb. So you're not supposed to have too many peas. Anything that's like... Megan, it's a pea. It's not going to do anything. No, but it's a carb. If you have a pile of peas, It's not going to do anything. No, but it's a carb. Oh, you can't... If you have a pile of peas, it's not going to kill you.

Yeah, okay. Well, I guess a pile of peas is better than like chippies. Right? True. Depends how big the pile of peas is. Are they saying lay off it completely or... Well, I guess it's... How am I meant to get my gains, brah?

Brah? Well, brah, wait up, brah. Like, are you here for a sick, like, looking like a sweet hunk time or are you here for a long time? Probably both. Probably both, yeah. If it's available. Because if you're a hunk, you want to hang around, right?

Yeah. Well, they basically said just do a balanced diet because an overconsumption of protein in any form is not really ideal. But protein shakes especially. But then they say, like, a higher protein diet, you'll lose more weight, don't they? Well, it depends who you ask. Well, yeah, true.

What a great podcast so far, wouldn't you agree, Fletch? Yes. And it's all thanks to Spark. Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now, back to the podcast. So what celebrities are earning, and we're talking actors, Hollywood stars in 2019 have been revealed. Dwayne The Rock Johnson was like mega last year, wasn't he?

Yeah, he's always mega because he's literally in eight movies at any given moment. I know. He must never have downtime. But that's the thing. He's got two young kids now and a wife and stuff. He must take them with him because he's constantly around the world filming. He's just finished filming and now promoting Hobbs and Shaw,

the Fast and the Furious spinoff that he's in with Jason Statham, which looks ridiculous but fun. Well, that's one of his big payday movies. Filming Jumanji, he's one of his big payday movies. Filming Jumanji. He's just always got something on the go. He never seems to just stop and enjoy his money. How long does it take to film a big movie like that? A few months?

I don't know. He's location dependent and everything. So it's been reported that Ryan Reynolds, these are for deals that they've just done. So Ryan Reynolds has been offered $27 million. This is for the new Netflix movie Six Underground. So that's... What's that meant to be about? It's a Michael Bay film.

Oh, so explosions. Lots of fast-moving camera shots that made me feel queasy. I'm just thinking of Transformers. It's an upcoming American vigilante film. Okay. That's all it says. And then The Rock, he's getting $20 million for the upcoming Fast and the Furious.

Hobbs and Shaw, that installment, $20 million. Jason Statham's got $7 million. That last Fast and the Furious, because I saw the box office records since Avengers, like is double any other movie for opening weekend. And that last Fast and the Furious. No, you're thinking two ago, the last Paul Walker one. Yeah.

Fast and Furious 7, was it? Yeah, that was because that came out after he passed away. So there was all that. But that was still huge. The movie's still massive. Massive. Yeah. But you know how Netflix has got massive stars

and you're always like, why are they doing a Netflix movie? So Netflix pays a higher salary to stars because of the subscription and it can't offer back ends, like residuals and stuff. Right. So Will Smith is doing Bright 2.

I actually really liked Bright. Oh, I didn't watch it, but it was like goblins and stuff. It was kind of futuristic but it was pretty cool fantasy um so he's being offered 35 million dollars to be in bright too wow then remember that's netflix um emily blunt will earn 12. uh 12 to 13 million for a sequel to a quiet place um i like that i like it was a great movie yeah but again in this list, there's not a lot of females featuring.

Do you have the Robert Downey Jr. stat? The mind-blowing Robert Downey Jr. stat? 75 million US dollars is what he's likely to net from the Avengers Endgame. So that's residuals, right? Yeah, because he was so important to it.

They paid him, but then they also gave him a cut at the other end. Wow. Yeah. So much money. So much money. Yeah, okay, right. Still not worth as much as Kylie Jenner and her lip balms. Very true.

Take that into consideration. Very true. He needs to launch an Ironman series of... Chapsticks. Chapsticks. I'd buy one. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Food Fight. The Chippies Edition.

It's chip versus chip. Looking for New Zealand's favourite packet of chippies. Yes. First of all, we're going to go over the results from yesterday before we move on to the rounds from today, as well as some news about one of the competitors from yesterday. Some controversy. Let's start round one.

There was Doritos sweet Thai sweet chilli, which is your favourite. One of my favourite chips, yeah. Up against Rations. This drove his cheese and bacon flavoured Rations. Okay. Rations winning 55 to 45. I think because

they've been around longer. Do you think so? Nostalgia? A lot of people say that that Thai sweet chilli is quite spicy. It's not for everyone. After eating rations

though, licking your fingers. Yeah, it's pretty good. Pretty good. Okay, and that's it. It's elimination. Yep, it is. So goodbye,

Doritos. Next up, it was Burger Rings versus Sour Cream and Chives, and it seems like the finger-licking option and the cheese flavour is carrying them through. The Burger Rings winning 58% to 42%. Yes. See you later, Sour Cream and Chives.

I was going for Sour Cream and Chives. I don't think Burger Rings, they don't constitute like a chippy. The only Sour Cream and Chives that I really like is Pringles. Oh, yeah, good call. This is the best sour cream and chives. Yeah, good call, good call. Everybody else's sour cream and chives just fails in comparison. Yeah.

And like, what are those little green specks? Chives. Chives. Are they? I know them. Are they? Or they want to be chives. They want to be chives.

They're like Pinocchio. Yeah. He wants to be a real boy. They want to be real chives. Yeah. Next up was Cheese Balls, which was your favourite to take chives. They're like Pinocchio. Yeah. He wants to be a real boy. They want to be real chives. Yeah. Next up was Cheeseballs, which was your favourite to take the crown. Yes. Your pick for the Iron Throne.

I'm afraid not. Salt and Vinegar absolutely romped home. Ned Stark. 72%. It's been Ned Stark. Yeah, yeah, Cheeseballs. Cheeseballs got Ned Stark. This guy's got what it takes.

No. No. 28% of people voted for Cheeseballs, 72% for salt and vinegar. Now, this next round is what we need to talk about because chicken chips were taking on grain waves, sour cream and chives. And I'm no fan of chicken chips. You know this. Yeah, absolutely can't stand them.

Grain waves into the competition based on the fact that it was grain waves that we remember growing up. Yesterday, the immediate, the moment I opened the packet of grain waves, I was shooketh. I was, you saw my face. I was like, what are these? They've changed. So two years ago, we found this afterwards,

two years ago they changed the recipe completely. Yeah, and they put a Sunbites thing at the top. They look smaller. They don't look like they've got the same amount of They're smaller, they're thinner. Flavour on them. They don't have as much flavour and upon tasting,

we were like, well, if we'd known this is what we're putting in the competition, maybe we wouldn't have put it in. So we've decided, we three Judges.

Judges of Chippies. The importance of chippies. Yeah. On the knowing all. We're disqualifying Grainwaves. Even though yesterday, Grainwaves. Even though yesterday Grainwaves bet

chicken chips 64% to 36%. But we can't be sure what people are voting on. If people knew old flavour or new flavour. No one likes the new flavour.

No one likes the new flavour of Grainwaves. No. We put it in, it wouldn't even. I petitioned for one of the losing chips like Doritos,

Sweet Thai Chili or Cheese Balls to go through. Yeah. But you said because we're... Well, no, because we're disqualifying Grain Waves. Right.

It has to be who they were against that will advance to the next round and that will be Chicken Chips. And you know I'm not doing this because I'm... Yeah. I'm a great fan of Chicken Chips.

I'm just doing this because that's fair. So they're out. They're out. See ya. We had no idea they'd changed. Change your recipe. So we've got some new rounds today.

You can go to our Instagram account, FVMZM, to vote on these rounds. Today's first round is my children's favourite. They love our Papa Jack. I haven't had one of these since I was like 10. I don't think I've ever had one. Oh, God, your cavernous mouth is good for a crunch Good at the chip foley Are they like a spicy tomato

mancho without the flavour? Yeah They're like a mancho without any flavour Basically is what's going on here Okay but they're deep fried so they taste oily and you know that's always a winning combo And they will be taking Oh they're exactly a mancho. Yeah without the flavour Yeah. I feel like there is a little flavour, though.

Like a chickeny... Yeah, it says on the back, chicken powder. I did not know that. Yeah. As a fan of non-chicken... Yeah. Not a fan of chicken chips. Okay, they are up against, in this round,

honey soy chicken with New Zealand manuka honey. I don't think they really have that much manuka honey in there. Really, eh? Like, these would cost $1,000 a bag if it was actual manuka honey. Honey soy chicken. This is one of those flavourful chips that it should stay a meal. Like honey soy chicken. Nah, but they're real yum.

What would you vote for here? Honey soy chicken. But how do you not like chicken chips? I don't like chicken chips. But you like those. You like a honey soy version of your chicken chippy. Yeah. I'm not down.

Yeah, those are good. Those are good. So that's round one today. Papa Jack's versus honey soy chicken. Megan abstaining. No. None of those have tickled my fancy. What?

Hang on. It's versus barbecue. You've stuffed up already, Vaughn. How did I stuff this up? I don't know Oh okay I put the bags on the floor And then I picked them up In the wrong order

Popper Jacks aren't taking on Honey soy chicken Honey soy chicken's taking on Ready salted I don't really even need To taste what this Yuck I will be so disappointed

If ready salted wins Anything So honey Popper Jacks Are taking on this bad boy. Wood-fired barbecue. Copper kettle chips. Right. These are good.

These are good. These are one of my favourites. I'll always grab a pack of these. Again, great crunch. There's layers to that. The thing I like about this, and I know it probably means nothing, but at the top, it tells you where the potatoes came from. What?

I've never noticed that. These are from the Pukekohe spuds, and it was packed by Jacinda's team. Oh, nice. That's so nice. So there's a Jacinda out there doing some potato work, and Jacinda, I want you to know, we appreciate it. We really do. So, what else is...

Let me correct myself. Yeah. Today's first rounds have a chip. See, Fletcher would usually be angry at me about making this sort of mistake, but because he's eating chips, he's happy. I'm happy, yeah. This is the secret to me. You're right, actually.

I haven't even given you a face. No, you haven't even given me a look. Today's rounds, Popper Jacks versus Barbecue Kettle. Wood-fired barbecue, Copper Kettle chips. The other round, Honey Soy Chicken versus Bluebird Ready Salted. Those are the rounds you can vote on right now at our Instagram account. Let me give you some early voting. Okay, give me some early voting.

Pomper Jack's versus the Wood-fired barbecue. Pomper Jack's 35%. Barbecue Kettle, 65%. Good to hear, New Zealand. Ready Salted against Honey Soy Chicken. Oh, 57% for the Honey Soy. Up against 43% Ready Salted. 43% of people go for Ready Salted.

Isn't that nuts? That's just salt on a chip. Yeah, I know. I don't know why they say Ready, because they salted it for you. It's just salt on a chippy. Because it's already salted. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They used to come around With the chips in the bag And a little sachet of salt So you could salt it yourself Oh that's right But these ones come around And they're like Hey we've figured it out Yeah it was

We've already salted These ones for you Yeah so you don't need The salt sachet Well go to our Instagram FEMZM To vote for your favourite Because once a chip

Is eliminated They're out of the competition As we search for Our number one chippy. And if anybody else has changed recipe in the last two years and not told us and we only discover, they'll probably be disqualified as well. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

Let me show you in person so that I can have witnesses. Yep. A Facebook message, a conversation. Okay. You'll see at the top, the name says Sade Smith. Your wife. You'll confirm that is my wife in the profile picture. Yep.

What does that say? It says rug from Kmart, question mark. And then picture of Seb rug. That's a nice rug. It's not bad. Can I have enough clothes? Can you? Oh, you want it full size?

Yeah, it's not bad. Oh, yeah, that's very nice. Yeah, we're all about that. Okay, it's not bad. So then underneath, you'll see from me, thumbs up how bad. Oh, yeah, that's very nice. Yeah, we're all about that. Okay. It's not bad. So then underneath you'll see from me. Thumbs up how much? How much? That was the question.

Okay. Look at what the reply to that is. A picture of another rug. Oh, yeah, no, forget that because I immediately said, don't bother with that cream one. It'll be absolutely effed within the week. Because of the dog. Because of the dog.

Yep. Because that's why we're getting a new one. Because we've got a nice one, but we're putting it away, especially as it gets a little bit wetter because the dog. Because of the dog. Yep. Because that's why we're getting a new one. Because we've got a nice one, but we're putting it away, especially as it gets a little bit wetter because the dog goes outside and then comes inside and muddy paws are on everything. Again, why you let a dog inside or get a dog? Okay. Preaching to the choir.

I don't want the dog. I certainly don't want it inside. I hope Ralphie doesn't hear you. You said how much? You said $32. You said thumbs up. Immediate reaction to that was thumbs up. $32 can't go wrong.

That rug, that's a good price. It's a lovely rug. How do they get so much great stuff so cheap, hey? Wow. Thanks, Indonesia. They didn't. Oh, right. Because I gave thumbs up to the $32 rug.

I said, sure, that sounds okay, $32. Right. I'm not expecting it to last forever for $32. Yeah. So I get home and she says would you be able to um grab that rug out of the back of the car and i said yeah sure and i pick it up and as i pick it up and i'm i chuck it over my shoulder like a like a real bloke carrying a log or like a persian rug salesman yeah so i was thinking slightly more masculine like an animal carcass, like a real... Right, okay, yeah.

Like a real... Like a meat worker. Provider. Yeah, okay. Then I shut the boot and I start walking and out of the corner of my eye I see a... something just flapping lightly and landing on the ground and I turn around and I'm like,

oh, that's a piece of paper. I'll pick that up because it's rubbish. Okay, yeah. And I bend down and pick it up and at the top I see the Kmart logo. And I spin over the... This is already rubbish, this story, this yarn. This is already... Why is this rubbish? Because don't

act like, I saw a piece of rubbish and I was going to pick it up to save the environment. You were like, there's the receipt, I'm going to check this. No, initially when I saw it I didn't know what it was. And I picked it up and I turned it over. And I saw at the bottom it said total $65 Now you'll remember $32 was banted about

Yeah for the rug That's twice that isn't it Yeah it is and a bit more Yeah but you got a Kmart and you get a like trolley full Well I thought well these things happen You go for one thing you end up with multiple But no other thing had been purchased One thing

She outright lied to you about how much that rug cost. So I walked in with it in my pocket and I said, hey, how much did this cost again? And she said, oh, I don't know. I put it in the chat. And I said. Because she knows by this stage you might have found a receipt. In the chat.

And I pulled out my phone and I said, huh, this chat. Yep. I said, weird. It says $32. Did you buy two rugs? No, I just bought one rug Yep. I said, weird. It says $32. Did you buy two rugs? No, I just bought one rug. I was like, then why, your honor, does this receipt say $65? Then it all changed and it became an innocent mistake of looking at the wrong rug.

I'm sure it did. The wrong rug. Is that why she sent you the photo of the yuck cream rug? Do you think that was the $32 rug? She'll be like, oh, look, does it say $32 on that photo? No, they know where that photo is or any price tag. Right. She said, oh, it must have been, it was the wrong rug.

I didn't know until I got up to the counter. And I said, did you, you know, raise this as an issue? Oh, she's changing her story. Then all of a sudden she didn't know it was. Exactly. She's going to prison. There's no arguing about this.

Sorry, OJ. OJ, you've changed it in the middle of the trial, mate. If I was on this jury, instantly I'd be like, she's guilty. Yeah. Beyond reasonable doubt.

Guilt, your honor. Lock her away. So I said, you should have just told me it was $65 to start with. Trying to be the good guy. Trying to be a little bit of like, hey, I just told me it was $65 to start with. Trying to be the good guy. Trying to be a little bit of like, hey, I don't have a problem with $65. You wouldn't agree with the $65 rug though.

No, she wanted it. She did what she had to do to get it for her family. I was trying to flush it out. Wait, Megan. That she knew it was $65 to expose the lie within the lie. But she said, I honestly didn't know it was $65. She did what she had to do to provide for her family. Making the rug is an essential

to the survival of Vaughan's family. We don't all cuddle under it. Rather than pay our power bill or anything like that. So I caught and I've long suspected these things happen. Yeah, right. It was like that time that she told me

no, she didn't say it, but I just assumed and I asked and I was just kind of like flushed away that DeCuba. What's that called again? DeCuba. DeCuba. I thought it was like Faro Fresh. I thought it was like a grocery store.

Right. Did you? Yeah. It's a clothing store. I never look at the online banking statements. God, she's good. That's really good. But then she was like semi-regularly buying stuff from there.

So you were like, must be a supermarket. I was like, oh, is this food? And she was like, oh, yeah. Actually, like, hats off to, I never considered that as an option. That is so genius. You buy it from somewhere where they don't know the name of it. It's a green grocer. I just assumed it was a green grocer.

I don't know why she's going there to buy vegetables. We've got a local vegetable out there. Yeah, and why these vegetables are costing hundreds of dollars. No, because it was never that. It was always one item per trip. Right. But I fell for that until I asked. hundreds of dollars. No, because it was never that. It was always one item per trip. But I fell for that until I asked. No, I saw her bag and I was like,

jeez, man, that green grocer's got a fancy bag. And she was like, what? And I was like, just to confirm again, Decuber, that's a food place, right? And she was like, um, no, it's clothing. What do you mean it's a food place? I asked you a few weeks ago and you said it was a food place. She's like, I never said it was a food place.

You assumed. She just made a noise and I just filled in the gaps. That's why I'm terrible at crosswords. I take clues and I fill in the gaps all wrong. Yeah, yeah. But I'd like to know when you caught your partner out.

With a shopping cover-up. With a shopping cover-up. It's rounding down. When there was a cover-up. With a shopping cover-up. Yeah. It's rounding down. When there was a cover-up. It's not rounding down going from 65 to 30. See, I'd probably say it was 50 bucks. For 65, that's the rounding down I'd do.

But I'm guilty of this as well. You buy something, and I don't know why, but you feel like you've got to say it's cheaper. Yeah. Well, otherwise you don't get the okay. Yeah, you're like, how much is that?

I was like, can you put a price on it? You've already got a power drill though, Vaughn. Yeah, your things are like power drills or like, you know, technology weird stuff. Way more expensive than a $65 rug. Would you rather have a brand new router that gets Wi-Fi all over the house or a rug that only gets... I mean, I'll enjoy the fruits of the new router, but I'll give you shit for getting it.

Right. Yeah. So yeah, whenever you're just... I've got a shopping cover-up. We're talking shopping cover-ups. You uncovered a shopping cover-up yesterday from your wife, Vaughn. Yeah, I did.

Some people are calling me monstrous that I have a problem with a $65 rug versus a $32 rug, but it's not the value, it's the lie. But had she said that it was $65, what would you have said, honestly? I would have been like, that's all right. Okay.

Because the other rug's nice and it's getting ruined, and there needs to be like a rug there. Well, there doesn't need to be a rug there, but you know, you become accustomed to rugs. So you've got to get the rug. You know, it's weird when you have a rug and then it's not there, but you know, you become accustomed to rugs. So you've got to get the rug. You know,

it's weird when you have a rug and then it's not there anymore and you're like, God, this space feels so empty. Isn't it? Yeah. It's amazing,

just a little, and this is in no way an endorsement for rugs. It really sounds like I'm on a rug binge now, but they're just like a centimetre thick, but they really add

something to the space. Don't they? They really dress up a boring floor area. That rug is pretty cheap too from KMO. Yeah, that's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They've got some nice stuff. Yeah, for sure.

So we're talking about those cover-ups when you've maybe lied to your partner about how much something costs. And this does work both ways. You've done it as well, Vaughan. Yes, that's very, very true. This does work where you cover it up. Somebody's got the ultimate way of doing this. Okay. And I don't know if we should be giving away this hack to people.

Okay. But what you do is you buy something and you put it on afterpay and you make the first payment public to your partner. Oh, yeah. So you can say, look, it only costs this much. But what they don't know is that there's subsequent amounts of that coming out later down the track. And then you can keep that lie going by after paying something else

and saying it's still the same thing. Yeah, yeah. And I mean, it's lying to your partner and it's the sort of, you know, things that really become a problem later on. Well, it's also getting yourself into debt as well. Yeah, yeah, there's that as well. There's that as well.

Somebody said their husband bought a boat and then was like, surprise, I got us a boat. And we're like, it's not really for us though, is it? But that was okay. But then he wanted to get a smaller boat. And I said, well, that's all good. Assuming it was going to cost less, traded in the big one

and had to pay more for the smaller boat. Oh, right. Trouble, so shopping cover up there. Nick, what was the shopping cover up? My wife got some tattooed eyebrows done. Said that it would cost $100.

Went off and got them done. Turns out $100 was the deposit. And it actually cost $516. Wow, and when you found that out, how did you feel, Nick? I had a bit of a chuckle about it. They tattooed them so dark that for a couple of days,

she kind of looked like the Hilda character from Hey Arnold. I bet she would have appreciated it. No, they go dark when you've had them done, like initially. I bet she would have appreciated that comment. Wow, brilliant. All right, Nick, thanks for your call. I would also, if your wife, anybody listening, if your wife says I'm going to get my eyebrows tattooed

for $100, I'd almost be like, spend the money. So like, spend a bit more than $100 because that doesn't seem enough. You're going to come home with a really surprised look. A constantly sharp eyebrows. Yeah. Thank you, Nick. Some text messages. Somebody else said that their

partner's shopping was exposed when they put something on what is it? The opposite of lay-by. Because they've put lay-by but that's not how they... Lay-by is when you pay it off but they didn't give it at the end. But they had it throughout. So this is kind of like the

after pay situation as well. Somebody said my partner came home with a new car and said, don't panic, it only costs this much. But that again was a deposit. Oh, yeah. And then they started paying it off gradually. How do people get away with doing big purchases like that without talking to you? I don't know.

I think that what's that saying, better to ask for forgiveness? Than permission. Than permission. Somebody else said, my husband went to borrow my dad's water blaster and came back. And I was like, that's not dad's water blaster. What he hadn't counted on was that I wouldn't recognise my dad's water blaster. He had purchased himself a brand new water blaster for $1,000. He said, no, this is dad's.

I was like, I know what my dad's water blaster looks like. And it's not that monster of a thing out in the shed. And also, there's $1,000 gone He said, no, this is Dad's. I was like, I know what my dad's water blaster looks like. And it's not that monster of a thing out in the shed. And also there's $1,000 gone from her bank account. Yeah. And then she said, I'll just ring Dad. And he's like, don't do that. That's how kids lie. Yeah.

That's how kids lie. I told my husband I got a $40 knockoff Gucci belt from AliExpress. It was a $600 real deal. $600 for a belt? Yeah. But everyone's going to think it's a knockoff anyway. Yeah, I know.

That's the thing about, you might as well just buy a knockoff Louis Vuitton bag because no one thinks you've bought it anyway. It's like that $10 Gucci t-shirt that you bought, Megan. Which I can never wear now

because every time I wear it, everyone's like, ha ha, AliExpress. Because you guys exposed me. But they would have thought that anyway. But we should just start saying that about anybody that wears Gucci t-shirts. Kate Hawksby's got one. It's fake.

Now she can't wear it. Now you can wear yours or she wears, I know hers is legit. Everyone knows she's married to Mike Hosking, so no. I know. And somebody else said, I think my cover up for online shopping and career packages is of, oh, I won it in a competition. Is starting to wear a little thin as I seem to be winning a hell of a lot of

competition lately. And also like who's giving away like dresses? Yeah, in a competition. I don't know. I don't know. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the most same models of cars sold in one year.

The most same model. The most of the same model car. There we go. There's my English. Thanks, brain, for kicking in there. The most of a single model of car sold in a single year. Okay. What do you think it is?

A Toyota. Corolla. No. Is it a Japanese brand? No. Or an American brand? American brand. GMC something. No. A Ford. Something Ford. Yes. It an American brand. American brand. GMC something.

No. A Ford something. Yes. Yes. It's a Ford. Ford Mustang. No. Ranger. No.

Ford. I'm out. No, what are those little mum ones? What does your mum have? Doesn't she have a Ford little mum? My mum drives a Nissan Qashqai at the moment. Oh, does she? It's a lovely issue.

But didn't she have a mum car for a while? She had a Holden Astina or something. Oh, it was a Holden. Oh, right. No, no. It's not a Holden. Festiva. Festiva. No, no, no. It's's a lovely issue. But didn't she have a mum car for a while? She had a Holden Astina or something. Oh, it was a Holden. Oh, right. No, no, it's not a Holden. Festiva. Festiva. No, no, no, it's not a Ford Festiva.

That's what I was thinking. No, it's not a Focus. You're thinking way too modern. Oh, the Model T. Correct. Oh, that's rubbish. It was the only car, wasn't it? Well, it was the only mass-produced car.

In 1923, two million units of Model T Ford were sold, and no car has beaten that record since. Right. So the record for the most of the same model of car sold in one calendar year is nearly 100 years old. And how many was it in one year? 96 years old. 2,011,125.

That's nuts. It's never going to be beaten. So cars that have come close, the Volkswagen Beetle. That's in my mind. I was thinking the Beetle must be up there. The Chevrolet Impala in 1965. So those both happened in 1965. The Volkswagen Beetle and the Chevrolet Impala were both 1965.

And the Ford F-Series truck in 1999. Huh. That was when everybody was, like, gas was... Super cheap. 88 cents a litre for 91. In New Zealand? Yeah, in New Zealand, so it would have been even cheaper. In America, yeah.

Yeah, because an old man threw a rag at me when I was working at a petrol station because it went over a dollar. And were you like, hey, mate, wait till you're alive in 2019. In 2019. Joke's on him, he'll be dead now. And were you like, hey, mate, wait till you're alive in 2019. You know what? Joke's on him.

He'll be dead now. He'll be turning in his grave at the petrol prices, that's for sure. That was me. That was awful. Yeah, nah, I feel a little bit bad now. But he threw a rag at me. Yeah, don't throw a rag. Don't walk into a service station and abuse a person. That was on the forecourt.

Oh, right. Okay, well, you still don't abuse a service station worker on the forecourt. He held a rag to put the fuel pump in his car. The whole situation was interesting. Oh, he didn't like to touch the... No. Okay. But then the rag would start smelling of petrol.

He wouldn't be getting a fresh rag every time. Well, he just put the rag in the boot, did he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then he threw it at you. Yeah. Well, he looked at it. He put it in instead of pumping it. And then he what's petrol at now and i said i was just gone over a dollar earlier and he went yeah bloody hell you're ripping me off i was like ah

did he then pick up the rag and you had to pick it up off the ground and you know how hard it is to throw a rag you're like put all your effort into it but then it catches a bit of wind and it's like no further that's actually how the saying losing your rag came about. Yeah. Throwing it at somebody and not going very far. So it's an ironic saying because you can't lose your rag because you can't throw it out of your own line of sight. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is the most of the same model of car

sold in one calendar year is a 96-year-old record and belongs to the Ford Model T. Fact of the day, day, day, nom, nom. We've got some voting currently happening on our Instagram account. Papa Jack's versus BBQ flavoured copper kettle chips. And Honey Soy Chicken versus

Bluebird Ready Salted. Last time I looked, BBQ Kettle and Honey Soy Chicken were winning those two rounds. We've got a couple more battles. We are on the way, if you've not heard any of this so far, to finding New Zealand's favourite chippy democratically.

Now, when a chip loses, it is out forever. There's no coming back for a chip once it's eliminated. So make your voting count. Grainwaves disqualified. They were using Russian collusion in this general election. So there was coming back for chicken chippies only because their competitor got disqualified.

Yeah, yeah. Because they changed their recipe but didn't tell us and we weren't familiar with it. Apparently they changed it two years ago. Well, we didn't know. Oh, yeah, these are good.

Alright, so our next round. This next round you can go and vote again now on our Instagram account is Delisio Greek

Tzatziki. No, I sent you a pronunciation guide. Tzatziki Greek Tzatziki. No, I sent you a pronunciation guide. Tzatziki. Tzatziki. Tzatziki. Tzatziki. These are the ones at a party. Tzatziki.

Tzatziki. These are the ones I pretend I don't like at a party, but then eat half a bowl. Yeah. God, that was a massive chap. Could you have chosen a smaller chip? Yeah, those are pretty good. Oh, those are so good. I wouldn't pick these at the supermarket to have.

What flavour is it, Zika? It's cucumber. Cucumber and a bit of yoghurt. And yoghurt. And there's something else in there as well. Mint. There's mint and lemon. Mint.

Those are good. They're mad. Oh, man, no. Can you know those are so bursting with flubber? No. Yum. Not good flavour. It smells so much like tzatziki.

Yeah, but no. Megan's sniffing the bag. She's doing her diet, her no-chip diet. So she just huffs it like someone who's sniffing fumes. No, because I can't have a little bit because I'll have a lot. I know, because I had half a pack of pop-up chips before. I can't stop. And they are up against Doritos

Nacho Cheese. Now earlier this morning the results from yesterday Doritos Sweet Chili Thai Chili eliminated. Gone. So if you're a fan of the corn chip this could be your final hope. These are good. Do it Fletch.

Oh there's Mexicana's corn chip. I just actually took a corn chip out of my mouth to respond to that. I had it all the way in and I pulled it out. I put the triangle, the white bit in. Here we go. Oh, yeah. Good. Good, good, good.

Do your joke, Fletch. That's not your cheese. Oh, I did it wrong again, didn't I? That's nacho cheese. Nacho cheese. Nacho cheese. Oh, I did it wrong again, didn't I? That's nacho cheese. Nacho cheese. Nacho cheese. Do we have the salsa, the Doritos salsa in the mix? Really?

They didn't make the cut. I would have put them against nacho cheese. All right, so who are the Doritos nacho cheese up against? They're up against the Greek tzatziki. I love when you get one with heaps of flavour. You can see the dust on it. And MSG. Here you go, Megan.

These ones I don't even think should be here. I'm disgusted with the opening. I'll pop them in my mouth. What are they up against? No, no, they're up against the first ones, the tzatziki. This is the second round happening right now. Is... Cassava vegetable crisps.

These are what they give you on the Air New Zealand flight, eh? Do you want some cassava chips or a cookie? Why? A potato's offensive. I think they're cheaper to make. Do you? Because this is polystyrene, isn't it? Ingredients.

Cassava, canola oil, polystyrene, tapioca flour, wet cardboard. socks pink bats you found out putting pink bats and chips just to get rid of it asbestos yeah it's just a nothing chip it's like really sold it to me it's just I'm allowed my opinion but these ones these are a childhood favourite. If you've got a bag of these and mum and dad were going rock and roll dancing, you were having a good time.

Rock and roll dancing. Whose parents were going rock and roll dancing? My parents used to go rock and roll dancing. We'd get a frozen pizza and a bag of chips. Like, obviously, nutrition was high on their agenda. And there really wasn't much to do in the Morrinsville community, was there? No, not a lot.

Spicy tomato manchos would be up there. These have got to go through. Oh. Yeah, I don't like giving you compliments, but man, you're good at that. I think you've missed your calling. A foley artist for chewing. For manchos. So those are the rounds you can vote on right now.

Doritos nacho cheese versus Delizio Greek and cassava barbecue flavoured chips, do you call them? Versus Mancho spicy tomato. Mancho spicy tomato is the flavour of childhood. Early voting. Doritos nacho cheese

are beating out the Greek to Ziki. And Mancho 77 to the cassava chips 23. Oh, that is good stuff. So that's how I would have expected that to go. I can't see those votes changing too much. I'm going to go cast my vote now.

You can do it at our Instagram, FVMZM. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Oh, God. Oh, God. I can't breathe. Do you want to bring everybody up to date? You know, I filmed that. Were you aware?

We just had a classic screaming match. It was fun. Sometimes you've just got to let it out. Well, it was revealed earlier this morning. Sometimes you've got to let it out. Sometimes you've got no choice when you let it out. Like when Anya shit herself. On the couch.

We've all been there. So initially I thought it happened in the shower, but then she said it actually happened on the couch. And then I was like, oh, and then she said it got on the couch. And I was like, how did it get on the couch? We're not been there. So initially I thought it happened in the shower, but then she said it actually happened on the couch. And then I was like, oh, and then she said it got on the couch. And I was like, how'd it get on the couch? We're not wearing pants. And she said it went through the pants. So you can just see it escalated and I just lost my mind.

Sorry. There's been some research done by a state university that says that poking fun at your panda is one of the strongest indicators of a healthy relationship, as long as you know where to draw the line. That's very, very true. Yeah. It's getting right up to that line, but stopping just before it.

So it was a communication- And that's a skill that comes with time, by the way. That doesn't happen overnight. You've really got to find that line multiple times. And you've got to get to know someone a bit before you start roasting them too much. Oh, yeah. Because you couldn't go in on a first week and...

And pick your moments. If they're feeling vulnies, don't go in for it that day. Yeah. So they reviewed the findings of 39 studies of over 15,000 participants to pinpoint the importance of humour in romantic relationships. So according to the professor, the fact that people think that you're funny

or that you can make a joke out of anything is not strongly related to how satisfied you or your partner will be in a relationship. What is strongly related to the relationship satisfaction is the humour that couples create together. Oh, cute. So inside jokes, some roasting, that's the key to a healthy relationship.

So if you're roasting them and you're laughing but they're not, that's not going to go down well. You both need to be laughing. Yeah. Right. Do you, though? Sometimes when they're not laughing, it makes you laugh more and I like to think you're laughing for two.

And then when you're not laughing It goes pretty quiet Yeah So then you've got to laugh To fill the silence And then they're like Are you still laughing about that thing? And you're like Yeah

And then you get in more trouble And then You're married That's pretty much The flow of that relationship Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast If you enjoyed this podcast

why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts Head music lives here ZM