ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 03 2018

Episode Date: May 2, 2018

RIP Video Ezy, Vaughan has written a Tarantula story for Megan to learn and should you have a boyfriend Tax?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, brought to you by Spark. Capture life like never before with the Samsung Galaxy S9. I told you you should have done it, Megan. No, I tell you, that was great. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The youngest millennial on the show is sick. What's wrong? What's wrong with her, Caitlin? What's wrong with her?

She has a sore throat because Megan's given her strep. Whoopsies. Well, we don't know that. Well, I saw them passing yesterday, so it's probably... Oh, yeah.

You've got to stop kissing people. Megan, you're married now? And I've got strep throat. Oh, and because I'm married. And because you're married. Yeah. People like a day off, though, don't they?

But yeah, you just... That'd be a good way to high yourself out when you're sick. Be like, does anybody want the end of the week off? I'll give you a spit in the be a good way to high yourself out when you're sick. Be like, does anybody want the end of the week off? I'll give you a spit in the mouth.

That is, I can assure you that is not what happened. No, I know. She's just weak. She woke up at the same time as me. She's just born. She's just from

a pathetic generation. Nipple gripple. Caitlin! You all witnessed that, didn't you? Just nipple grippled born to get out of an argument.

What are you, 10? Shouldn't I help if they're protruding from your shirt? Well, they are now because I've been so aggressively manhandled. Or female handled. Oh, my gosh. That's the most action I've had in a long time. Okay. Crikey.

Calm down. Current speaker excluded. But that was really aggressive. Christ, you can't do that in a modern workplace. Not with the current climate. That me too thing, that goes both ways. And up and down the power ladder, because obviously I'm above. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines for three interesting, unusual Storytime, three news headlines for three interesting, unusual, weird, quirky news stories that I've found worldwide. Vaughan and Megan, you picked one headline. We get into that story. The others are deleted.

We never find out about those stories. Headline number one today, Peppa Pig goes gangster. Headline two, Rapper blamed for latest spate in paintball crimes. Of paintball crimes, rather. And headline three, are there any women here? No.

I mean, no. I'm guessing that's how that's meant to be said. No, it would be the other way around. It would be, are there any women here? No. I mean, no. Wouldn't it? No, it would be like, maybe because I'm imagining it's a man

or is it a woman pretending to be a man? So then it would be No. I mean, no. Right. I mean, no. I mean, no. I mean, no. Is Peppa Pig, is it the one to do

with China? Yes Oh, they've banned Peppa Pig in China, haven't they? Because it's going gangster, yeah It's been hijacked What? It's been hijacked, hasn't it? She

Not even allowed to use the hashtag Peppa Pig in China Is it because she's considered like this icon of anarchy? She's uncontrollable, like she's out of control. Yeah. She's like this terrible child that doesn't like listen

to anybody and always gets her way and carries on. Yeah, pretty much. See, because people are like, oh, she's, it's disgusting, Peppa Pig. The way she just,

she's got a bad attitude. I'm like, she's a pig. And then the fathers are bumbling, fool, we need a bad attitude. I'm like, she's a pig. And then the father's a bumbling fool when he had positive role models. I'm like, the dad's the best character. He's always up to shenanigans. God. Then someone like SpongeBob, like

Sponge that lives under the sea. Yeah, and kids can love that when they're like crazy kids and then stoned teenagers as well. I mean, that's a universally appealing television show. So we don't need to discuss that. That's been worked out. We have to do the... Two or three.

No. No. As a gangster, I had a paint... Sorry, a rapper had a paintball gun in a video or something and shot it out the car. Because it was always that. Yeah, look, I'm not going to just give away all these stories, Vaughn. Three then, that's the one that's the most mysterious.

Several Iranians. Do you say Iranian or Iranian? I say Iranian. Iranian. But there's the I is after. Iranian.

Iranian. Iranian. Because it's I-R-A-N-I-A-N. Yeah, but how do you say rain? How does rain spell? It's always a messed up thing saying the people from a place versus a place.

No, but the I is after the N, Megan. I-R-A-N. Iran. A-I-N. So it should be Iranian. It should be Iran-ian. Iran-ian.

Iran-ian. Iran-ian. Several Iran-ian women have caught people's attention, revealing the lengths that they've gone to to attend a football match. Now I'm going to show you a photo of these football supporters. Yes. Yes. What's wrong with them?

They've got beds. That woman dressed as dudes. Oh, let me close this. They've got the classic bed hat combo to hide the hair. That's brilliant. They've gone to extreme. Like, they haven't just gone down to Look Sharp or the $2

shop and got a really bad wig and a moustache. No, no, no. They look like they've gone to some kind of movie effects. One of them's definitely down to Coulson and film cosmetics. Well, they donned beards and wigs and disguised themselves as men so that they could watch their team play

their rivals in a football match in Tehran last Friday. Images have been widely shared on both Persian and English social media. There's no official ban on women going to football matches, sporting events in Iran, but it's rare for them to attend and quite often women are turned away at the gate from sporting events. Or you can imagine they probably go there and get like heckled. Exactly, yeah, by the other men in the crowd. Plus, I might be alone in this, but...

Okay. Very few times have I been to live sports where I haven't thought, I could be watching this at home. Yeah, I'm the same. Or like at a replays and yeah, it's nicer. Yeah, you get, unless it's a real G'd up atmosphere Yeah, I'm the same. Or at a replays and yeah, it's nicer. Yeah, you get, unless it's a real G'd up atmosphere, which I'm imagining that might be. Basketball's a great live game.

Yeah, because the court's small and you can see the whole thing. It's the same with netball. You can sit somewhere and see the whole situation. They run down and play at the other end. I'm like, come back. I've got tickets for this very corner.

And also you need the commentary. Like with basketball, you can often hear they go, Oh, so, so, so. Yeah, you can see their faces and work out who they are. But when you're in the back seats at a rugby game or a league game and you're so far away, it's like, which one's that one? What's happening? What's happening down there?

Well, apparently before the Islamic revolution of 1979, some 38 years ago, women were allowed to attend sporting events. Well, lots of things pre that are no longer on the cards. There was a woman who was punished for attending games in 2014, a British-Iranian activist. She was detained after trying to watch a men's volleyball match in Iran. Just wanted to see some hot volleyballers. Sorry, what year was that?

2014. Oh, great. And in March 2018, so only just a month ago, 35 women were detained for trying to attend a football match. What? Your dad, when he was immigrating to New Zealand, went through the Middle East, eh? Yeah, like you were in Afghanistan.

I'm pretty sure he showed me a photo. Yeah, all... Like, beautiful places. Amazing scenery. And even then, it was quite, like beautiful places. Amazing scenery. And even then it was quite like advanced, like the cities and everything were. It's backwards now, isn't it? It really has gone backwards.

So yeah, just think about that next time you go to a sporting event. Yeah, I mean, we try to sneak booze in, but they're trying to sneak boobies in. A bit hard to sneak a woman inside a hollow watermelon. A watermelon. A chilli bun. It'd have to be a really big chilli bun. There is an Australian study that's been done,

and they have asked guys what they think about in the bedroom in order to make sex last longer. What is this technique called? The technique? Just distracting yourself from the task at hand? Right. I don't know. I think it is actually called the distraction technique.

Okay. So there's five top answers that these guys gave. One is very disturbing. And it's not only for guys who struggle with... Lasting. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like if you're trying to really go a bit longer

and please your other half. I'm trying to scoot around and be nice here. That's nice. Yeah. That's nice here. Yeah. You're a selfless lover, Megan. Are you a selfless lover?

Of course. But they think about these things to make it go a long time. Right. Okay. Do you guys want to jump in with any? While we're here. To be honest, you always hear people say, oh, think about like your grandma or something.

It's like, why would I want to do that? No, no, no. No. Absolutely not. That's like disgusting. I don't think of anything, I don't think. You just think, yeah, I don't know. The biggest age group apparently that do this is 25 to 34-year-olds.

I don't know why. I thought it would have been the other way around. What are you? The older. The younger. They're just like. Oh. Yeah, I don't know.

Younger than that. Yeah. 25. That's 25 to 34. Or maybe they're just the ones who are admitting it. Maybe they didn't ask. Maybe it's a bit creepier if you're asking younger people. Maybe.

How old are you? I'm 18. What do you think about too well? Make sex last longer. Beg your pardon? It's for a survey. Why are you talking like that? This is just my voice.

Well, almost 19% said their grandma or a family member. I can honestly say I've never used this technique. I've never. I don't think of anything else. Producer James, have you ever thought of Nan? No, that's. In the throes of passion. I feel like that would put you completely the other way.

Yeah, go the other way. It would. It would kill the situation. Both of my grandmothers, phenomenal bakers. But maybe that's how it works. You think about Nan and then you think, oh, gosh, she's good at baking. And then you're like thinking of lamingtons and it's been 30 more seconds. I suppose my mind does that.

Yeah. It just goes on tangential paths and you end up miles away. James, do you have anything that you want to add to the list that might not be on there that you think about? I mean, I'm always open to hear suggestions on different things. I feel like you guys have been caging. I don't actually know what I think about. No, it's kind of a, there's a lot going

on in that situation. I don't really have time to think about different things. I'm like, man, this is nice. This is good, I'm enjoying this. Well, maybe you should consider this technique. I often think, is there anything else that you could do every day that you'd enjoy as much apart from eating? Nothing, eh?

Napping. Oh, sleeping's pretty good. Sleeping's pretty great. So is that what you think? So great. Is that what you think about? You think like, man, I could not be anywhere better than this right now. Yeah. Just, yeah. Maybe that's my problem. I'm overly in the moment and enjoying it. about you think like man i could not be anywhere better than this right now yeah just yeah maybe

that's my problem i'm and i'm i'm overly in the moment and enjoying it you're glorifying it too much yeah yeah i am i'm living the moment yeah and the moment is literally a moment the grandma got the least like it was right it was down there okay what else did they think about next up 24 thought about what they're gonna eat next but see that's as sexy to me as actual sex. Is it? What you're going to eat next. Ooh, there's some Uncle Ben's Ross I could put in the microwave. I was trying to think of something sexy to eat.

And some tuna rice. Oh, yeah. That sea lord stuff with the chilies in it. Yeah, yum. All right, tins, big tins. That's another 25 seconds. And this next one, I'm sure a lot of females do this. Their to-do list.

29% of guys. No, no, no. You've got to concentrate. We're the ones that if we go early, it's over. It's ruined. But you can go early and then go again. It's unfair. So you should be concentrating on the task at hand.

Let us be distracted for everybody's benefit. Okay. That's more when it's not very good, you think about what you've got to do. 34% thought about work. This is for guys to try and distract themselves to go a bit longer. And the top answer was 36.8% of guys to distract themselves in the bedroom to make themselves last longer thought about sports. Sports?

Yeah. Yeah, bloody warriors good at hiding last weekend. Yeah. Back and forth. What is the other thing about sports? And then you start thinking of Sean Johnson. Yeah, and then you're like,

no, I was thinking sports is neither like sexy nor not sexy. It's just What is the other thing about sports? And then you start thinking of Sean Johnson. Yeah, and then you're like, oh. No, I was thinking sports is neither like sexy nor not sexy. It's just a cool thing, you know? Like strategy or something. Yeah. You're like, I wish he'd kick to the corner and then chase him. Why aren't they doing more 40-20? They need to be doing more 40-20.

Get some possession. Get back some territory. God, league should be in the Olympics. Thinking of the Olympics, other sports in the Olympics, pole vaulting. Oh, God, and it's over because now I've thought of the pole vaulters. All right. FEM. Hōreira. Video Easy from New Zealand Shores.

This is the end of an era. End of May. Video Easy. The final Video Easy of New Zealand is shutting down. This is in Torbay on the north shore of Auckland. I've just looked up whereabouts it is. It's right next to an Indian takeaway, a Thai

takeaway over the road from a medical centre. So I mean that's all you're sick, you're like I've got a little wobbly tum, grab a video, take it home and watch it. Strip throat like Megan's had. Yeah. I thought you were going to say you get an Indian takeaway when you've got a wobbly tum I was like ooh I don't know. Oh yeah you could double down on that. But you know you can go down, grab some takeaway when you go to Wagi Tama. I was like, ooh, I don't know. Oh, yeah, you could double down on that.

But, you know, you can go down, grab some takeaways, grab a video to watch. That's how I probably would have rolled back in the day. Yeah. But after the dizzying heights of 135 stores throughout New Zealand, Video Easy is about to lose its last one. In the 2000s. Yeah.

That was when it was at its peak. Yeah. And then you also had your blockbusters, your civic videos. There's still a few of those around. United Video. United Video. Whoa. Play it one more time now. United Video. Whoa.

Watch the world on video. Have you never heard that jingle, James? I didn't know it had a second line. I just thought it went whoa., and then it just cut out. Play it one more time now. I think if it was a slow release for new releases, it'd add the extra line in here.

Oh, yeah. I never heard the extra line. I thought, God, how did you not grow up with that jingle? Everybody knew that jingle. I was thinking, does Video Easy have one? Didn't they have Video Easy? Yeah, that was the one I heard. Just saying their name over and over.

Branding. Video Easy, it, that was what I heard. Just saying their name over and over. Branding. Video Easy. It's easy to remember. It's videos and it's easy. I feel like it was a better jingle than that, but you're getting it wrong. No, that was it. Video.

Didn't it go like that? I don't know. I can't remember. And then when they changed, when we didn't have videos anymore and it was like DVDs, everyone was just like, oh. DVD easy. Nope, we like, oh. DVDs.

Nope, we're sticking with video. Yeah. Well, my mum still says I videoed the show last night even though she means you press record on my sky.

Oh, Fletch has got a little YouTube video called Classic TV Ads. Have you ever delved into this? Have you ever done this? Watched a bunch of old TV ads and then like, oh my God. And then you hear that, no, that didn't haveed a bunch of old TV ads and then like, oh my God.

And then, yeah, that didn't have a jingle on it. I just had to listen. Oh my God. So in the 2000s, 135 stores, there are now, what, six left? And those are all closing by the end of the month. Yeah, it's gone. Yeah, Video Easy is pulling out of New Zealand. It's an Australian-owned store.

I know that because it used to be on the Canberra Raiders. That's right. They sponsored the Raiders in the NRL competition. So does that mean VideoEasy.co.nz will cease to exist?

It'll be up for grabs. If it's only got one store nationwide. It's gone. It's gone. Wow. So they talk about the time where it had

it, those 135 stores and it refers to its Ponsonby flagship store, which I can remember. I remember that I used to live near there and it was gigantic. It was huge. It was a huge store. Now it's so big.

Is it in two or three different shops now that it's gone? Yeah, they cut, I remember they cut the store in half because, you know, people were downloading illegally. And you know, it's kind of the online buzz was happening. Yeah. And then, yeah, then it just disappeared and then got turned into like five different stores. So, yeah, because it was huge. It was humong happening. Yeah. And then, yeah, then it just disappeared. And then it got turned into like five different stores.

So, yeah, because it was huge. It was humongous. I'm pretty sure there's at least three stores now that's been divvied up. So in the heyday, that was earning $100,000 of rent. It was renting out $100,000 worth of rentals a weekend. A weekend. Because I knew some people in the early 2000s that worked at video stores and they'd say how rich

their boss was. I was like, how can they be rich? And then you'd forget to take your rental back and then you'd get paying 12 bucks and you'd be like,

ah, right. That's how they're making their money. Yeah. What you think about if they were churning out $100,000 of rentals on a weekend

and only, you know, a tenth of those were getting pinged with late fees. It's still a lot of money. A lot of money. Wow.

That's an end of an era. That's like goodbye, Dicka. But to be honest, it feels like the era probably ended five years ago anyway. Yeah, I mean, they've hung on for a while, haven't they? Although a lot of these stores that have hung around are in neighbourhoods where a lot of old people live. Old people. And do you know Alaska has the, is it the only blockbuster

or one of the only remaining blockbusters? Yeah. And that's because there's crap internet. Oh. And so people can't actually. Oh, they can't download it. They can't download and stream like we can. Must be awful.

Awful. Just bloody awful. Yeah, so it's gone. NMA, if you wanted to. They'll do one of those things where they sell all their. Yeah, so it's gone. End of May if you wanted to. They'll do one of those things where they sell all their. James has found a jingle horn. Could you just pull that up in the group chat, please? He sent it to the group chat.

Video easy. Is it the video easy or is it? I feel like you're doing it wrong, Megan. Okay, here we go. Okay. Video easy. December. I told you.

This is rough. I told you. Oh, there's a whole song. I don't remember this at all. There's verses and everything. Oh, wow. I don't feel like that. Here we go.

Here we go. Is it? I told you so. I don't feel like that. Here we go, here we go. Is it? Benny Oweezy, Benny Oweezy, Benny Oweezy. I told you so. It's his wee heart movies. Oh, that was great. The United video was better. That had a better jingle, let's be honest.

If we're comparing jingles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Better. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Today's Top Six, this is like terrible, terrible. The greyhound industry. I saw this on the news last night. A dog tested positive for meth.

And apparently it's looking like allegedly that it was a thing to make it go faster. Get all jazzed up. God, that's terrible. So far ahead of the pack. Did you see the picture of it racing? And then when it caught up to that fake bunny at the end, it was like... Tore it apart.

And the other great hounds were like, Steve, relax! Steve! Steve! Just chill, man. What's wrong with Steve? Why is he acting like this? Steve's like, you don't know me!

You can stop anytime I want! Ah, but no. It's so sad, though. It's horrible. You can do that to an animal. I think. That's so sad though. That's horrible. You can do that to an animal. I think it's bad enough at the end of like, I think it's weird that there's no responsibility on greyhound owners that when the dog's finished its racing career,

they're just like, I don't want it anymore. Yeah. Like this dog's been your buddy. Sure, you retire it and give it it a nice lawn to run around on. Or maybe it's done with running and it just wants an outside couch to chill on under a roof. But you hear about all these greyhound places. They're like, oh, we've inundated with greyhounds and we've got to rehome them or they're going to be euthanized. Yeah, they adopted one just to save it, which was nice.

Those people, I tip my hat to them. But they, you know, it's crazy that... Anyway, I don't understand. Maybe there's more to it. But yeah, so that's not good to give dogs drugs of any sort. But here is top six other dog drug combinations that won't end well. As a warning, take this as a warning. Heed my warning.

Number six, Huskies and caffeine. Because Huskies will already never, ever stop running. Yeah. They'll run all day. They'll do 10 Ks, piece of cake, and still want more. Imagine them jazzed up on a couple of long blacks. Woo, let's do something. I'll pull you.

I'll pull you there. I'll pull you back. I'll pull your friend. I'm going to get some of my other friends. We're all going to go out for coffee, and then we're going to pull the coffee shop right back here. Then I'm going to bury the coffee shop. God, I'm going to dig a big old hole.

I've been away for eight days. What? Number five on the list of the top six other drug dog combinations that won't end well. A Chihuahua and Viagra. Because they're little humpers. Yeah, they are. Imagine the lipstick. It'd be horrible. I hate seeing a dog's lipstick. Stop. That'd be horrible.

I hate seeing a dog's lipstick. It's terrible. It makes me so uncomfortable. I would rather see a human penis in public than a dog's lipstick. I'd rather look across

and see an old man's penis out of his pants. Oh. Oh. Nah. No, I drew the line there. Yeah, nah. Not an old man's penis. An attractive young man's penis. Okay. Oh, we'd No, I drew the line there. Yeah, nah. Not an old man's penis.

An attractive young man's penis. Okay. Oh, we'd all rather see that. You'd rather see an attractive man's penis than a lipstick on a dog. We just carried on like that. Something slightly aroused us. Even like just a nice tummy scratch got us going and that was it. You could just get your erect penis out.

Your lipstick out. Yeah. Oh, God. Fletch has got his lipstick out again. We can't take him anywhere. You're most likely. Oh, no. I already said that I want to see an old man's penis.

I don't think I need to take both bullets in this case. Number four on the list of the top six other drug-dog combinations that won't end well. Poodles and acid. Now, I can speak as someone that owns a half a poodle. They're mental. They're lunatics as it is. They don't need to be hallucinating as well. Poodles suggest

really sweet but some of those bigger ones are really scary aggressive. Yeah, it's the ones that have been like properly groomed. So they've got like a puffy head. You look like a cushion, but then they're like, and you're like, ah, it's a cushion with teeth.

Has anybody ever hair straightened a poodle? Just be interested to see what that looks like. I'm on board. You'd have to get the hair straightener so close to their skin, though. Oh, yeah, you'd heard it. Sorry, poodles. Sorry, poodle. Number three on the list of drug dog combinations that won't end well are bulldogs and opioids.

Because they just literally do nothing all day. No thanks. Turn into a slobbery mess on the floor. I know, they're already a slobbery mess on the floor. Number two on the list are pit bulls and pee. I mean, no real further explanation required on that one. No. And number one on the list of the top six other drug dog

combinations that won't end well, Labradors and weed. Because those things can eat themselves to death even when they don't have the munchies. Imagine a Labrador with the munchies. Oh, out of control. It would be something to witness. Are those today's top six?

Well, I won't lie I'm kind of in the market for a telly. Are you looking? I'm kind of kind of in the market for a telly. Yeah, got it. Only because you two

have got bigger tellies than me and I've got size envy. Like, do you have the same size as me? Yeah, I think so. These two. Three, two, one

say the size at the same time. Okay, ready? No, because then it sounds like I've got a big one. You two have a phenomenally sized television though. I just bought a new one because I moved into a new house and it had a big wall, so I was like, oh.

Well, you overcompensated for your small penis with this huge telly. Mike Hosking does it with his cars. Megan, I don't know why you've done it. MSV. Good on you. That's a good thing. Okay, on the count of three both say the size of your television. One, two, three. 65.

Oh yeah. It's the same size. It was like whipping it out of the urinal and being like, I reckon yours and mine are about the same size. That's, by the way, that's not what happens at urinals, Megan. Isn't it? No. Nah. Sadly. But I remember when you were looking, Megan,

I was like, get this TV. It's real good. It's an LG one. Yeah. But mine's like a later version of yours. It has cooler features. Do you know, but if I'm ever,

I was in an appliance store, one of the, Noel Leeming's, one of those stores the other day and walked through the TV department. I was like, shit, TV's way cheaper now. Like,

Oh yeah. Do you remember like in the 2000s, you buy a 42 inch TV and it would be like literally a few thousand dollars. now. Oh, yeah. Do you remember in the 2000s you'd buy a 42-inch TV and it would be literally a few thousand dollars? Yeah. For 42 inches. Now you can go to the warehouse and get parallel imported ones or even decent LCD ones for like 500 bucks.

I know, massive screens. What? Insane. What's happening? Well, Samsung have revealed a TV that they're going to put on the market and it sits pretty flat against your wall. Yeah. And it's got something called ambient mode.

And it must have little cameras in the back. Okay. And chameleons. It basically becomes what's behind it. So the same color as your wall. Yeah. So if you've got a plain colored wall. Yeah.

I mean, I'm imagining it wouldn't work with overly intricate wallpaper designs, but who's rocking a... It's not, yeah, it's not the 70s anymore, is it? I can just, then I shut my eyes momentarily and I could see both of my grandparents really active, like 70s, 80s wallpaper. Yes. Nana had this one and it came down like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It came down skinny and it went wide and then came back in and so that would all fit into each other. And it had those circles around it. And it looked like pea pods or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think everybody's grandparents had that wallpaper. I think there were like only five wallpapers back in the day. It's on my parents' carpet.

Anytime I'm with my parents and I put a photo up on social media of something happening and everyone's like, oh, we've got that carpet. I was like, yeah, everybody had this carpet. It's just my parents are like the ad for how long it can last. It's been like 35 years. So this TV sits on your wall, yeah, and it reads what's behind it. And instead of being a, you know, they say a big black rectangle on your wall,

it kind of molds into what's behind it. And you can have little displays on it. Like I can say the time, the temperature. Oh, that's cool. Have like a little icon, like a cloud icon saying outside at the moment it's a bit cloudy. I mean, you can look out an actual window rather than a virtual one to get that sort of information as well. But it is kind of handy. What are you going to do then with your TV search?

Because it's a real mind. Oh, it's hard because you walk into stores, you're like, well, that's nice. And then you're like, well, that one's nice too. Yeah. I just literally said, what's the cheapest $65? Because that's nice and then you're like well that one's nice too yeah where do you just I just literally said what's the cheapest 65 inch because that's all

well and good you're like yeah it's going to be an ambient mode don't tell people we have a really cheap big one you just told everyone

we've got a cheap big one yeah sorry but then you go in and you're like I want one that's good ambient mode

and they're like okay $10,000 yeah no I'm not come on it's me I'm not spending $10,000 no I, no, I'm not. Look, come on, it's me. I'm not spending $10,000. No. Oh, shit.

No, I'll probably just get a large piece of paper and paint it the same colour as the wallpaper and when I'm not using the telly I'll just fluff it over. And then when I want to I'll roll it up

and perch it up behind it. It's pretty blind. And we're searching with your votes line. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan's Food Fights. The Kiwi Treat Edition. And we're searching with your votes on our Instagram FVMZM for New Zealand's favourite Kiwi treat. It's Food Fight Kiwi Treat Edition. Yes, we've got some

new rounds to announce in a moment, but I thought I'd go through the results from yesterday. I think some close and a couple of shocking ones. Yep. It's hard for some people to stomach. Well, because it's knockout. A lot of people are saying, like, I thought I knew people.

I thought this is what people liked. No. People, you don't know people, it turns out. And people don't care about you. Crunchy beats Morrow. In the Battle of the Chocolate Bars, Crunchy beats Morrow. So, I that. In the Battle of the Chocolate Bars, Crunchy beats Morrow.

So, I mean, that's... You picked that one. And it was 50... Was it 56? 54. Yes. Okay, that's 44. 44, sorry.

Muncho's rations were a little bit closer, 54% to 46%, but it's Muncho's, Spicy Tomato Muncho's, that go through. I'm so happy about that. We actually heard from someone on our Facebook page, their dad invented Muncho's. How's that? so happy about that. We actually heard from someone on our Facebook page

their dad invented munchos. How's that? I know. And Dunedin, he invented munchos. They were like, their family were like

the guinea pigs for munchos. And all chips, Dad would just bring home chips. Oh my God, that's the dream. I know.

And then spicy tomatoes came later in the piece and then he sold it all to Eda and they became Eda Munchers. What a debt of gratitude we owe that man. Yeah, Jack's Snacks.

Was that what it was called? It was a Dunedin company. Give that man some kind of an award. Or an OBE. I hope he's Sir Jack's Snacks now. Sir Jack's Snacks. I hope so. In what we were dubbing the round, the post-school finger dip,

Raro versus Jelly Crystals. Raro romping in with over 80% of the vote. Raro versus Jelly Crystals. Raro romping in with over 80% of the vote. Trounced the Jelly Crystals. Trounced indeed. This one I found interesting, giving it's New Zealand's very own homegrown energy drink. V versus Primo. Primo beating V 54

to 46. Is it because it's more versatile? The Primo? Like you could have it most times of the day and it's also good for a hangover? And we were saying any flavour you like too. Yeah. Whereas V is primarily the one.

I just thought New Zealand day-to-day consumption. They consume so much V and energy drinks. I just thought it would have won. Thought it would have happened. Ross Voss has like two a day. He loves one. He loves them. He probably has had one for breakfast drinks. I just thought it would have won. Thought it would have happened. Like, Ross Foss has, like, two a day. He loves one. He loves them. Yeah.

But he's probably had one for breakfast already. He'll definitely be getting one this morning. Yeah. All right, here are the new rounds for Food Fight. First up, the Big Bicky Battle. Now, I will go on record now and say I'm going to be disappointed if one of these doesn't win. Well, as it stands, in the Griffins Shrewsbury's

versus Hundreds and Thousands battle. Is that an E2 or a Griffins? Both endorsed by the Cookie Bear. Okay. Hundreds and Thousands, 2% ahead and early votes. Early votes, ladies and gentlemen. Early votes.

I voted for Shrewsbury. Do you ever nibble off the top and then you lick the jam? Yeah. Orbury Do you ever like You nibble off the top I voted for Shrewsbury too And then you lick the jam Yeah Or you nibble around You nibble off all the knobbly bits Yeah

Until you try to make it As round as you can Yeah I remember eating a lot of them As a kid Shrewsbury My dad loves a Shrewsbury They're not nice

I always thought Hundreds and thousands Were misleading Something that colourful Should be more tasty Yeah They are tasty though No There's not enough.

The shrewsbury's not trying to fool you. It's like, look, I'm a basic bitch. Biscuit with a bit of jam in the middle. Pick your favourite shape. Do you want a star? Do you want a heart? Do you want a circle? But there's this rubbish jam.

Homemade shrewsburys, on the other hand, are delicious. I've never had one. Oh, my God, they're amazing. Are they called shrewsburys if you make them at home? I'd say there might be a trademark. You don't want to do a batch of biscuits at home and have a lawyer knock at your door, do you? Just call them a jammy biscuit.

Big money biscuit guys roll into town and they want a tango. And the other round we're announcing this hour is the peanut slab versus Jaffers. So we're talking a bag of Jaffers or a box of Jaffers. A box of Jaffers, however many Jaffers. You can just have one Jaffer if one Jaffer. So we're talking a bag of Jaffers. Yep. Or a box of Jaffers. A box of Jaffers. However many Jaffers. You could just have one Jaffer if one Jaffer's your jam. Versus the peanut slab.

I think I'll go peanut slab. These are quite different options. I think I'll go peanut slab. Is it peanut encased in chocolate or chocolate encased in orange? It ticks your box. That was tough. I went Jaffers. I went peanut slab and peanut slab at the moment with an early lead.

An early lead. But as I said, early days. All right. Slab and Peanut Slab at the moment with an early lead. An early lead. But as I said, early days. All right. Voting's just begun. There's a new dating term, we'll call it. Actually, the behavior's old. It's just been given a name. Okay.

So it's called orbiting. Let me explain orbiting to you. So it's not the same as ghosting. It's similar. So ghosting is where you'd be dating someone or talking to someone and then you literally disappear off the face of the planet. Don't reply to their messages. You're gone.

In some ways, ghosting is better than orbiting because orbiting, you're dating someone. Yep. They kind of disappear for a wee bit. And then, like, so obviously they want to break up. Well, they don't want to be involved. They've had their fun. But, yeah, and then suddenly you'll get a Facebook like,

or you'll get an Instagram like. This sounds a little bit like submarining. So submarining is where, no, that's a bit different. They go off the radar, they disappear, then they pop back. Do they pop back up with all sorts of intensity when they're submarining? No, submarining is when they're back and you initiate again. Yeah. So you're actually together again. But you're still keeping in touch with that submarine.

They're just... Yeah, and you might actually spend the night and then they go again. And then they disappear off the radar. Yeah, you don't see them and they don't get in touch with you, text you, reply to anything enough to explain themselves. They're just going a little pop onto your social media.

I'm going to watch your story. I'm going to like your post. So I think orbiting should be more like they're in constant contact with you, like a satellite. Yeah. But you never meet up. Never engage. They never engage in anything other than a distant, you know,

talking at distance. So you'd be like, let's have a drink. They'd be like, oh, sorry, I can't. I'm really busy. No, but this is too much. They're saying this is too much conversation. That's not what orbiting is. So it's more like orbiting like Halley's Comet.

Like it goes past and then everyone's like, wow. And then 88 years later, it's back again. Yeah. So say you're going out with someone. You don't see them anymore. Something happens, you break up. And then suddenly they appear on your socials.

So you'll be like, why did he like my picture? But I literally never hear from him. Then suddenly he watches a story, but I never hear from him. He's not replying to my text, so I'll text him and be like, hey, what's up? Doesn't reply. Then a week later, we'll like your social media again. That's

orbiting. Right, now there's got to be a better term for that I reckon. Producer Caitlin, what do you think? These are the most annoying type of duck boys. Oh, that was close, I nearly said the word. We know, I already sprung to mind a few for you, of these boys.

Oh, 100% and this happens to my friends all the time and it's just a mind F because you've like gotten over them, you're like it'll take ages, you'll get over them, you'll be like it's okay, it's gone, he doesn't like me, I'm over it and then he somehow it's like they want you to know

that they always want to be at the top of your mind but then they don't want to be in a relationship with you, yeah, they always just want to be like, oh I'll just see what this person's up to, little like, and then it brings all of those feelings and They always just want to be like, oh, I'll just see what this person's up to. Little like, and then it brings all of those feelings and emotions back and then you're like,

ugh. It's really frustrating. See, that's the thing. It explains the term, but it doesn't explain why a guy would do it. I mean, it's girls too, but for us,

like top of mind is these guys. So you'd rather that they just completely, Just leave me alone. Yeah, right. Yeah. Like, I don't want you to like my photos. I know I look good in that. I don't need you to like my photos. I know I look good in that. I don't need you to tell me.

From a guy's perspective, is that what they're trying to do? Like, just come be top of mind? I don't know. All of these things are foreign to me. I was a stage five clinger. Like, I was like, I like you and I want you to like me and I'm not leaving until one of us decides something. And that's how it works.

Yeah. I never played the games like this. I don't know And that's how it works. Yeah. I never played the games like this. I don't know. That's a weird one. Well, because you've been with your wife for so long before like Instagram and stuff. Oh, well before Instagram. You couldn't just like a cheeky photo and disappear.

Games are so annoying, but you can't avoid them. You've got to play the game. Okay, for example, could you block these people from your social? No, but then I wouldn't want them to because I do want them to see like what I'm doing, but then I wouldn't want them to because I do want them to see what I'm doing, but then I don't. It's a hard one.

I know that sounds contradictory. Don't hate the player, hate the game. But then you're angry at them for doing what you want them to do because you want them to see it, and you want them to know that you're having fun and they're not involved, and they're like, okay, I like that, indicating to you, yes, I have seen it. No, I don't want them to like it though because why are they, what are they trying to prove to like it?

Like what are they proving? They can see stories but they can't like things. You want them to see what they're missing out on. Yeah. I sound crazy but I swear to God. I mean, my friends sit down and talk about this. I know, I get it. You sound crazy but somebody else is playing the game as well.

I know. Just don't play games. But that's what we all say but then we all play the game, don't we? You need a little bit of a game. I don't know. My life is so hard. I think we have to keep an eye on you if we're going out to the staff function tonight. Shivers, yeah.

Yeah. Well, yeah, especially because it's only like close staff. Yeah, it's only close. It's only. Close stuff Yeah it's only It's only No don't worry I'm not There's no one in my sights There's no extended family The level two people aren't coming

Yeah so that's So you don't have many dudes to choose from There's no one then yeah There's Fletch Fletch maybe I mean this could be the night That this romance finally kicks off I'm trying to do that wanking Maybe. I mean, this could be the night that this romance finally kicks off.

I'm trying to do that wanking. This is why it's never going to work. Fletch can't wink back. Oh, well, we'll never know what that was meant to be. New campaign kicked off yesterday. It's a Tourism New Zealand campaign. Hashtag Get NZ on the Map to be used across social media. New campaign kicked off yesterday. It's a Tourism New Zealand campaign, hashtag GetNZOnTheMap, to be used across social media. But it's a video starring Rhys Darby and Jacinda Ardern,

Prime Minister of New Zealand, about how so many maps around the world lack New Zealand on them. This has been a subreddit for ages, reddit.com slash r slash maps without nz. And there's maps everywhere. Then they just forget to put New Zealand on it. Oh, you always see it in the movies.

You look for New Zealand and they're not there. So offensive. Is the globe at Universal Studios, does that have New Zealand on it? Oh, the one that spins around? There's all kinds of globes. They miss out New Zealand. Yeah. Rubbish.

And many maps without New Zealand. And this is what this ad is targeting. And this is a little bit of it. Hello, Rhys. Cindy, I mean, Your Majesty, I'll keep this brief. New Zealand is being left off world maps all over the world. I'm sure there is a reasonable explanation. I don't think so.

I've been searching the internets for the last 30 seconds, and it's everywhere. This is a major conspiracy. I'm going to get behind it. That was fast. Of course, Your Highness. Jacinda is fine, Rhys. Listen, this is get behind it. That was fast. Of course, Your Highness. Jacinda is fine, Rhys. Listen, this is big. Bigger than we thought. Bigger than the moon landing and Loch Ness combined.

Which, by the way, is one of my theories, that those things are combined. So, I've just popped along to the Reddit subreddit. It's a good video. It's a great video. It's like two or three minutes long. Very well done. So, I popped along to the subreddit to see if they were talking about it, and they are.

Yep. This is the subreddit. It's a bloody topic of choice. Oh, I'm surprised that everybody on this site, we found that on Reddit first. Where's our credit? Where's our credit? So there's actually a post on there saying it's ironic

that the tourism board is doing this tourism campaign when if you go to gov.nz, which is the New Zealand government website, and then just put slash anything. Like I put slash fawn. You could put slash, there might be a cats. Hold on, I'll check if there's a cat. Just see if there's a cat. I don't want to put people wrong.

Gov.gov.nz. Slash cats. Slash cats. That'll work. It says page not found. We're sorry something's missing. And then there's a map of the world without New Zealand on it.

On our own government website there's a map of the world without New Zealand on it. That's got to be because of this. No. It's been there for ages because this has been reported.

Oh my god. This post has been popping up on the subreddit about maps without New Zealand for ages. That's got to be some IT guy's joke. I don't know. Is that just a stock image? It's a pretty huckery stock image of the world,

of the global map. But maybe we just need to sort our own stuff out before we start poking fingers at other people. Someone's got to chase that up today. That's a big deal. Maybe even put New Zealand bigger on it. Because you remember when 3 News used to have a map in the background and New Zealand was way out of proportion?

It was like the size of Australia. That was, oh, I liked it. No, I didn't like it because it's not right. It was like looking at New Zealand from the down angle up. It's like when you're flying somewhere and they've got the on-screen graphics and the plane's the size of Australia. And then it's coming into land in New Zealand and it's the size of the North Island.

I'm like, this is not right. Scale-wise, this is not correct. Yeah, it needs to give you some sort of indication of scale. Like Zuman or something. Yeah, because it really gets me angry. When we were going to Hawaii and it had that and I was showing the kids how it worked, Indy's like, well, we're going to be there in no time.

I don't know why we just don't walk. It's only three plane lengths. It's only three plane lengths there. She's not wrong. Yeah. FVM, the podcast. Now we go to producer Caitlin now, whose friend has a situation that we are, as a nation now,

going to come together and try to help out with. Yes, please. Because I didn't know the right advice to give her. Okay. Because I've never been in this situation myself. Now, from what we've heard, it's safe to say the affected parties won't be listening now because they're working. Yes, and I'm

not going to say any names so it could be anybody. I have quite a large friend group. Okay. So, my friend is in a flat and I think there's like four of them and they're all girls and one of them, well a couple of them have boyfriends but one of the girls' boyfriends

is literally at their house like six nights out of seven awake. Like he's always there. Like she'll come home from work and he'll just be there. And like there'll be stuff like missing from, because you know how like in flats you kind of buy your own food and stuff like that. Well you've got shared stuff.

But like he will eat he'll sometimes eat with them like with their shared stuff so you have to cook for him as well oh I know I never liked living in flats with shared dinners

yeah it's annoying yeah someone always just cooked like a boring pasta bake every week but there's so that's where they

chip in for the meals so they're what they're upset that he's eating their food. Well, yeah, and that's the thing, because he's not paying a dime. Well, he wouldn't pay a dime. That's not a currency we use in the country. Who says he wouldn't pay a dime?

He's not paying a dime. He's not paying a dime. What are you, like, 18 from America? Where did I get that from? He's not paying a cent. There you go. Using the correct currency. And so she's just like,

like my friend, it's really getting to her. And you know how like you get, it's not the ick because it's not her boyfriend, but you just like, every time she sees him, like if he's breathing,

she's like, he's so annoying because he's like, you know, and he's not like helping clean or anything like that. Oh, they need to legislate. They need to put some legislation through the house immediately.

And fee him. He is showering. He's showering. So he's doing everything there. But the thing, like he's got his own flat. So he could obviously go back there. So I don't know if like her flatmate wants him to move in. I don't know if they've even discussed like moving in because the girls might not want to have a guy.

The landlord might not allow it. At least if he moves in you get to have the conversation of what costs what and how much he has to put sure their room

costs might be halved but he's got to chip in exactly the same amount as everybody else for everything else but I don't think that's even a discussion

they're having at the moment it's more just like she's like what can I do because I think she's like wanting to move out but she really likes like the location

and the girls in the flat and everything it's just this boyfriend and he's nice like he's not like wanting to move out, but she really likes like the location and the girls in the flat and everything. It's just this boyfriend. And he's nice. Like he's not like horrible to her, but he's just like there. But he's a pavos grouch. Would she be happy if he paid a fee? Like a 50 cent shower fee?

How do you even bring that up though? A boyfriend fee? An overnight stay fee? I don't know. I don't know. Because like when I was flatting, we used to go to each other's

houses equally so you kind of don't like so it kind of evened out it kind of evened out why don't you she could say

to the friend why don't you ever like stay at his house because then it's like a subtle wee hint yeah I guess so

didn't you get charged a fee? So my ex, one of my flatmates wanted to charge him like $2 if he ever had dinner at our flat. That's a good fee for a dinner. Like where can you get a $3 dinner? It was like a flat dinner. So it was like usually mints or yeah, some kind of. But still $2 for a month's meal.

Imagine paying $2 for a meal. That's a great meal. But also, she was a special person. Yeah. Who was very highly strung. You've got to have the chat before it does explode. Yeah. Until he does something one day that's just the straw that breaks the camel's back.

Yeah. Okay, well, let's take some calls. Maybe you've been in this situation. 0800-DARLS-AT-HEM, 9696. What should Caitlin's friend do when the flatmate's boyfriend is over six out of seven nights of the week? Do you need to put on a boyfriend tax? Can there be a tax?

Has anyone ever encountered this fee? Megan, you've had the $2 meal fee. But has anybody ever done like a $5 stay the night fee? Because then that would cover showers, electricity, annoyance. Because they're around, they're in your space. I did this when I first started going out with Sade.

What did you do? She lived in a different flat before I moved in with her. Yeah. And I was just there like all the time. I think I pretty much lived at her house while I had another flat for almost a year. But I was at her house every year. But did you ever put in money for bills?

I never did. Oh. But I took her out for lovely meals. Were they lovely? Which is really, thinking back on it, that's really bad because I was working and they were all students. And I was just mooching. Yeah, you were mooching off your student while I was mooching off a flat

loaded student. I was this guy.loaded student. I was this guy. You were that. I was this guy. All right, 0800-DARZEN-N. Ten years ago, this was me. 9696, what happens in this situation? Give us some advice. So the situation, this is Caitlin's friend, the flat situation.

There's four of them. One of the girls is bringing over the boyfriend. He's staying five nights, five, six nights a week. Not contributing anything to the flat. Yeah's four of them. One of the girls is bringing over the boyfriend. He's staying five nights, five, six nights a week. Zero. Not contributing anything to the flat. Mooching.

Leeching. Mooches. And again, winter. It's bad in winter. The bills. But then you say cuddling equals less electricity. Yeah, less electricity

used for heating overnight. But you don't need to put the heater on more because there's another person there. It's going to be on anyway. You might have another shower as well. You have the shower hotter in winter. But it's just the fact that you're paying for a bit of that heater, but they're not.

Yeah, right. And they should be. Yeah. Some text messages in on the subject. Somebody said, my flatmate had his high school girlfriend stay the whole school holidays. Sounds like some sort of school holiday program. They're then quick to point out that she was 18. Right, okay. And it was her last holidays at school.

So I charged her rent and power as she carried on like she was at mum and dad's house and took half hour showers. Oh, come on. No, that's too much. I'm only just now starting to feel bad just a smidge all these years later looking back on it. Oh, you're teaching

her a life lesson, aren't you? She'll be ready for flatting sooner now because of you, won't she? Leah. Hello. Hi, so what's the situation? Have you been in this kind of deal? Yeah, so we recently got a new flatmate who said that he has a girlfriend, and I kind of made it up on the spot, and I said,

well, we have this boyfriend-girlfriend rule. Okay. So you can say three nights a week is like all good, we don't mind that, but any longer and it's $5 a night. And I was going to say that's good from you on the spot, but that's not enough a night. I know, I know. I kind of regretted putting it so low.

Yeah. But does that include feeding as well? No. So we do do flat meals but they don't really eat with us. That's alright then. Well, $5 isn't bad if they stayed a couple of nights. It's $10 for power and some toilet paper. That's all good.

Yeah, but it kind of backfired because now our flatmate just goes out to her house all the time so we don't really have a flatmate. Oh no, those are the best flatmates. Those are the best flatmates. They're never there. And they're never there.

Oh, sweet, sweet absent flatmate. Thanks. You call Leah. Sarah? Definitely charge the boyfriend half of maybe the price that they put in, like that they share. So in my flat, we put in like $55 a week for food. And then if people have like partner stayovers, they'll pay like maybe $20 or $25.

And then therefore, they can like have the food a few nights. Right. So as long as they've kind of been seeing to put in a little bit, that kind of makes everyone happy. And have a talk about it because that's like a real frustrating situation if you don't. Yeah, because we're like, Caitlin said like she sees this guy and just he just needs to breathe. And she's like, I hate that. Ir don't. Yeah, because like Caitlin said, she sees this guy and he just needs to breathe and she's like, I hate him. Irritated. Yeah.

You're not paying for that either. Yeah, it's very easy to get to that point where you're like, oh, I just hate him. Sarah, thanks for your call. Some text messages in, Caitlin, since this is your friend's problem. Are we helping here, by the way? Yeah, totally.

Somebody has got the ultimate solution. You go around there one day when you know this guy's going to be there, and you say to him, oh, are you living here now? How much rent are you paying? Oh, you're the person who... Then you're the bad person. Yeah, because then you don't live there, so you don't have to deal with the awkwardness

if it all goes pear-shaped after that, but you've got the ball rolling because by the sounds of it, that's what your friend needs. Or just give them the link to this podcast. Yes. But that's subtle. We'll go around and be like, oh, play you guys a song on my phone. Oh, this is a podcast.

Oh, we might as well listen. And then stop before it gets to this part. With a moochie flatmate. With a moochie boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's the ultimate solution.

We had a flatmate's girlfriend stay for 10 months without payingie boyfriend. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. That's the ultimate solution. We had a flatmate's girlfriend stay for 10 months without paying a dollar. Oh. It turns out she'd actually moved out of her last flat and hadn't told us.

The boyfriend had a fear indication but decided to keep it quiet from us as well. She's just never leaving. Like never. No, she's there forever now you need to have a conversation

somebody else said we just had a tally on the board of everybody's name and what their partner had and at the end of the week we'd duel up a little tally

of who cost what showers were $5 eating with us was $10 oh that's a bit intense that sounds like an incentive not to stay the night because those are high prices. Very high prices.

A $5 shower. But then if I'm having a $5 shower, it's going to be half an hour long. Yeah. Easily, yeah. I'm going to get my money's worth. And I'm going to use one of their shampoos and luxury body washers.

You never leave them in the shower for that reason. Yeah. Somebody said we were on limited internet at our flat and it just kept all disappearing. And it turns out our flatmate's girlfriend was coming around and downloading TV shows on it and using all the internet but not wanting to pay for the internet. So we changed the Wi-Fi and made her pay every time she wanted to do anything.

Like say get a motel, give them an access code. Yeah. And now this access code's only good for 12 hours. And two megabytes. And two gigs. Yeah. So don't you try anything funny over there. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan's Food Fights.

The Kiwi Treat Edition. Food Fight is back for 2018. We found last year our favourite fast food, the cheeseburger. Won that title, but this time, Kiwi Treats. And it's all over the show, the Kiwi Treats. We're doing drinks, biscuits, ice creams. Yep. Lollies.

Lollies. Yep. Everything. Drinks. Chips. Hot chips. Chippies. Ice creams.

Lollies. God, no wonder we're like one of the fattest nations in the world. Chippies. Hey, let's embrace it. Did we say chippies? I said chippies. I think we said chippies. I think we said everything three times.

That's just how we roll. So you can vote. Knockout rounds as well. So when a food or a treat loses, that is it out of the competition. It's gone forever. It's gone. And there have been some great treats that have gone, fallen. Rations yesterday fell to munchos.

Just a quick recap of yesterday's competition. Raro beating Jelly Crystals. Moro losing to Crunchy. And Primo beating V by 4%. A lot of people surprised at that. Yeah. Yeah. Earlier today we announced the Big Bicky round. Moro losing to Crunchy and Primo beating V by 4%. A lot of people are surprised at that. Yeah. Earlier today we announced the big bicky round

and that is the Shrewsbury versus the Hundreds and Thousands biscuit. Magic in the middle, can't get round that. Magic in the middle. That was Shrewsbury's, wasn't it? It does have the thing in the middle. It does sound like it would be right. All the clues add up.

I can't stand those biscuits. They're too dry. No, they're yummy. No, the hundreds and thousands are a dry biscuit. No, but they're yum. They've got those two. That just tastes like sugar on a biscuit. I can demo a whole pack of hundreds of thousands of biscuits.

Really? I can put the whole biscuit in my mouth and then just go. And then I'm like, next one. That's how I eat. No, you've got to nibble off the hundreds and thousands. Then lick off the icing. Then eat the biscuit. No, because then you're left with a That's how I eat. No, you've got to nibble off the hundreds and thousands, then lick off the icing, then eat the biscuit. No, because then you're left with a super wine.

Yuck. Because that's what they are. They're super wines with deliciousness on them. At least the shrewsbury's like a short, bready situation. Yes, yes, yes. It's the biscuit from the wrong side of the tracks. It's made good, the hundreds and thousands. No. But anyway, the hundreds and thousands is winning at this stage.

Good. So you are speaking for the people. Peanut Slab versus Jaffers. Peanut Slab ahead there. Not a huge lead, but enough at this stage to think that maybe Peanut Slab's got what it takes. The rounds that we've just put up for you to vote on. Now, this is an unusual round of Sweet V Savory. It is Spaceman Sticks, affectionately known as Spaceman

Ciggies when I was a kid. Well, they had the red dot, didn't they? They had the red end and the yellow end, and it looked like you were smoking ciggies, but that's not good, so they took those away. So now they're just called Spaceman Sticks. And they don't have the red dot. No, just a white stick. Versus Shapes.

Now, this is any flavour shape. Now, this is any flavor shape. Producer James is upset here slightly at the graphic of this. Because he loves shapes, but what don't you like? I love a shape, and I would actually put barbecue right at the bottom. So what's your favorite shape? It's a picture of barbecue shapes. And he doesn't want people to think it's only barbecue shapes.

He wants the listeners to be aware that that's shapes in general. It is shapes in general. I would have put a cheese and bacon. Oh, cheese and bacon's good. But I just don't want to deter people from not picking shapes because there's a barbecue shape there. We laugh, but he's actually being quite passionate about it. I think so, because I'm the only one here who doesn't like barbecue shapes.

Well, I don't even want to put shapes in this competition. Get out. What about pizza shapes? No, I didn't even want to put shapes in this competition. Get out. What about pizza shapes? No, I feel like you barbecue all the way. No, crispy chicken. Crumpy chicken. No. Crumpy chicken are the worst shape flavor.

I agree with Bourne. I would put them above barbecue. Easy. Get out. Easy. My kids are like, can we get shapes? I'm like, yeah, no, grab a barbecue. And they're like, no, we want the crumpy chicken.

Yeah. Are you my children? Find your own way home so shapes are winning quite monstrously two thirds of the votes go into shapes at the moment this is the big one

this is the battle of the tub ice cream this is so hard this is a very very hard one we never got good tub ice cream

when we were kids mum got vanilla or french vanilla I always liked french vanilla and I always liked French vanilla and I still do because it was the posher version.

And we'd have to put Milo on it to make it like chocolatey yum. Or you'd double chocolate by putting Milo on. Chocolate chips or something. the stuff you put on top and it went hard shell?

Yes. Shit no. Did you get that? Choc magic sometimes. Did you get choc magic? Yeah. Choc was, there was two of them,

two brands. But mum had to do it. You weren't allowed to put too much on. You grew up in the mansion on the hill looking down at the poor people like us. Because that's, yeah, we were down there. They had melty ice cream without Choc Top on it. Yeah. Oh, my tongue goes right through the ice cream.

I wish there was a chocolatey shell to stop it. But now I buy it. Oh, right, okay. My kids are getting everything that I was never allowed. Right. Just because I'm like that I was never allowed. Right. Because I'm like, I'll show you. Even though my parents aren't there or hear me yelling, I'll show you.

The battle of the tub ice cream is jelly tip versus goody goody gumdrops. So where are we in the room? Because I feel like. I wanted to put gold rush in there, but I was poo pooed in the planning meeting. Do they even still do gold rush? Yeah. I feel like that's a sometimes ice cream. Okay. Do they even still do Gold Rush? Yeah. I know. You were a line on that one. Sometimes ice cream.

Okay. Yeah. There's better ice creams. Okay. So what did you vote for? If I had to go for one of these, I'd probably go Goody Goody Gumdrops because I like the bubble gummy flavour ice cream. Yeah.

And then the lollies. But then Jelly Tip, you're also getting the jelly, the chocolate. Jelly ice cream chocolate. And the chocolate. So you're getting a lot more flavour. And they have those big thick layers of jelly in there.

Oh, no. When you get a ripple of, it's like when you're mining, I more flavour. And they have those big thick layers of jelly in there. Oh, no, when you get a ripple of... It's like when you're mining, I'm imagining, oil, and you hit a rich vein of... You hit a seam. A rich seam of jelly. More of a coal reference than an oil. Oh, coal.

And a hole of gold. Had a good seam. And you follow that seam, don't you? Just like a miner. Or pull it up. If you're getting in before your brother, you scoop out all the good stuff and the lollies or the rich seam of berry and then leave him with the shitty vanilla.

But then that was like Goody Gumdrops. What you do is you're in there. Now, this took some skill, but using tongs or a spatula, you'd flip it upside down because the bottom was there where the lollies had sunk to over time. Or you left it out on the bench after school, let it melt, and then scoop it out, refreeze it, and it melt. And then scooped it out. Scooped the bottom. Refreeze it. And then be like, I don't know where they went.

I think we should write to Tip Top and let you know there was no lollies in here, ma'am. And then mum goes and complains in the supermarkets. Just like, you've got fat kids. You've got fat kids. You can still see the lollies between his teeth. The fat little shit. Look at him. Happy as Larry.

Dosed up on the Goody Gum Drops. Oh, God, no wonder we were fat kids, eh? So in the Jelly Top versus Goody Goody Gum Drops battle, at the moment, Jelly Top edging ahead. Yes. 57% versus 43%. Oh, proud of you. I just want to say that I've heard,

and this is the first I've waded in, from my daughters on Food Fight. Okay. And they're going to be very upset with the country if they don't vote Goody Gumdrops because it's August's favourite ice cream.

Hey, don't sway the country's vote with your kids. She could do a video. She could do a wonderful endorsement for Goody Gumdrops. A little video? Don't sway them with your kids. That's not fair.

I'm going to get Indy on board with a jelly tip. She'll eat anything. She loves a bit of ice cream. So will Augie. Yeah, yeah, she will but if there's Goody Gumdrops I shore, she's going to go for that. Megan's been struggling with

a word. We just, after all these years, I can't believe we've never heard her say it. Maybe we have. It's not one that we would ever say too often in regular convo. Chewie, let's flash back to when this happened at the start of the week on Monday. The biggest one here is a Goliath bird eater.

They can live 15 to 25 years. Really? What about a trill... Yep. A what? A trillantula. A trillantula? A what?

A trill... Ah. A trillantula. A trillantula. No. No. We laughed. So,

we kind of thought of different ways to teach her. Toyboy gave it a go, breaking it down syllable by syllable, as did we, and she could do it, but then if she had a break, she'd go back to saying it incorrectly again. You can say it slowly, breaking down the syllables, but not boom. Not boom. Tarantula.

No. You can tell with a deep breathing. Megan's just received my small poem about a tarantula. Thank you. I heard that one of the ways to pronounce a word you're saying wrong is to surround it by other words that need your attention. Yeah, but maybe not the hardest words in the English language to say, Vaughn. I googled the words often missaid.

Not always, like, said wrong, but mispronounced. Is perform in there? No. Ask was also not in there. Ask. Miss Ask. I'd like to ask you a question. But she has received an email.

And we'll now cross to Megan. Does this poem have a title, Vaughan? Have you named your... It does, but I'll we'll now cross to Megan. Does this poem have a title worn? Have you named your... It does, but I'll let Megan read that to you. No! Okay, would you like me to bring in the music, Megan? Yes, please. Okay, you tell me when you're ready.

You've had a little pre-read? Yeah. Okay, I'm ready. Malachi. The Tralantula. Oh, I thought that was... Malachi. Yeah, but it's apparently one of the often... Yeah, that is Malachi.

Oh, no. The traditional spelling of Malachi. Not Malachi Fikatoa. Okay. Malachi. M-A-L-A-C-H-I. Malachi, I always say. Malachi.

Yeah. Malachi. Malachi. Malachi. From rural. Malachi. Malachi. From rural Worcestershire. Worcestershire. Worcestershire? Boy, you are mean.

There was a tridentula. You know, the spider from a place called Worcestershire. Worcestershire. Worcestershire. Is that it? No, I don't know. I've been saying it wrong for years. I think it's Worcestershire.

Worcestershire. Okay, that's in England, not the Pacific, to be specific. Good work. If it was in the Pacific Sea, the tru... Tarantula? Good work. If it was in the Pacific Sea, the tru... Tarangella might live in a sea anemone. Anemone. Thank you. Good, yeah.

But it's in the UK, right by a brewery, where the king used to call in the cavalry. The tru... The tru... The true... The true... The... The true... The true... The true...

Tarantella. Chula. We said yesterday it's Chula. Called Malachi. Lived on a farm. Not an isthmus. So an isthmus. So an isthmus. An isthmus

is one of my favourite geographical terms. Auckland is an isthmus. It's a very thin strip of land surrounded by water. Surrounded by water. It's an isthmus.

Yeah. It's very hard to say. Stupid word. Because it's I-S-T-H so it's is followed by

th isthmus. Malachi was nice not at all Because it's I-S-T-H, so it's is followed by a th. Is-th-mas. Malachi was nice, not at all ignominious. Ignominious. That's the end. I don't know how to say that word. The end. Ignominious.

I said it right two times, eh? No, no, no. Tarantula. Tarantula. Tarantula. Itantula. Tarantula. It's not chela. Mr. Toyboy. He's got that in your mind.

He said that you should say it like Coachella. My hands are so sweaty right now. It's not chela. It's chula. Tarantula. Yes. Quaker. Tarantula. Quaker. Quaker. Tarantula. Yes, quaker. Tarantula.

Quaker. Quaker. Tarantula. What was that music in the background? It felt like a real sort of like fairytale ending and then nah. Nah. Just, okay. Spider.

It's a big hairy ass spider. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that it might just be May the 3rd to you, but to the McCann family, today marks 11 years since Madeleine McCann went missing. Wow. That's crazy. And I just came across this, and I thought this could make an interesting fact of the

day and I started looking into it because there's been documentaries and everything, hasn't there? Well, do you remember a couple of years ago they were like, someone was like, that little girl in Queenstown looks like Madeleine McCann. Yeah. And then they were like, and the whole world was like, quick. So one thing I never knew about Madeleine McCann, and this was never released at the time, and apparently the never released at the time,

and apparently the parents really wanted it to be, but the police were like, it's not a great idea. Madeleine McCann has a birth defect in her eye. Yeah. Her right eye, her pupil links to the white part of her eye. There's a black streak through the coloured part of our eye. There's a black streak through her eye. Kind of like the paints run.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like the pupil leaked. Yeah. Le streak through her eye. Kind of like a paint, like the paints run. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's like the pupil leaked. Yeah. Down. Leaked through the eye. So I never ever knew that. And the police said to the parents that they probably shouldn't put that out there immediately because it's a real definitive feature.

And if someone has just taken her and, you know, intends to hostage or whatever, it might be too much and it could cause them to get rid of it. Right. That's called something, isn't it? Yeah, there is a name for that. In the article I read, it was just referred to it as a birth defect. And amongst the many weird things her parents say, and look, heck, I've never had a kid go missing, so I don't know.

It would probably be a hell of a time and everything you'd say would be horrendously scrutinised. But apparently her father said, we should have released the information. It would have been a great marketing pl time and everything you'd say would be horrendously scrutinised. But apparently her father said, we should have released the information. It would have been a great marketing ploy. And everyone's like, um, I don't know if that's... One other thing I found out about when researching this is that they launched a GoFundMe page, the McCahns, because they were trying to just launch their own inquiries now and hire people outside of the law enforcement that was dedicated to it.

Millions of people donated money. They got heaps and heaps of money through the GoFundMe page. And, you know, they said, oh, we're going to use this in the search for our daughter and everything. They paid off their mortgage. Weird, eh? Because they said on the page this money will go towards the ongoing search For Madeleine McCann and private agencies That cost money And then yeah they paid off their mortgage

With it Yeah that's a bit Yeah and apparently The whole thing's sad really isn't it Money back now You just want closure you just want to know either way If she's alive or what not It's one of those mysteries

11 years ago it started. And it always pops up at least a couple of three times a year. Like you say, a kid that looks a little bit like Madeleine McCann. And there's all these sketches about what she could possibly look like now. Because she'd be 15. 15? Yeah. So today's

fact of the day is... Oh, it's a real downer. Oh, it was a bit of a downer. I thought it was quite interesting. Well, interesting, but a bit of a downer. I thought it was quite interesting. Well, interesting, but a bit of a downer. A bit of a downer or an interesting downer. It's life though, isn't it? It's not always, you've got to go

down sometimes on the rollercoaster to get up. Can't be on uppers all the time. It's not all good again. Or something. Well, you can be.

Yeah, can't be on uppers all the time. Did I slur that? I didn't mean to. Life is great. Life is great. Life is great. Oh, now I'm up. Carry on.

Yeah, we'll carry on. So today's fact of the day is it's 11 years since Madeleine McCann went missing. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. An entire kitchen was stolen. Right. In Christchurch. From a building site. A house was being constructed. The kitchen had been delivered.

Stored. So, because my thought was it had been installed or that someone just went into a house and took all the kitchen. And took all the... Dishwasher, the cabinets, the fridge. Took it all. Whoa, they took everything. An entire kitchen's worth of everything.

That's crazy. Yeah, so a guy locks up on Friday, puts in a digital pin code to lock it all up. It's all locked up. And then gets a call Monday morning from the kitchen installer saying, where'd you put the kitchen? He's like, oh, it's in there. It's in the kitchen.

Ready to be made into a kitchen. Like, nah, it's in there, it's in the kitchen. Ready to be made into a kitchen. Like, nah, it's not. And he thought it was a classy bit of tradie banter. Tradies love a good gag like that, don't they? Oh, they love a good gag. Tell the apprentice to go in the portalo and then they tip it over and he gets like blue poo all over him.

It's a bit more serious. That's a prank that could end in hepatitis. That's workplace bullying. That's a prank that could end in hepatitis. That's workplace bullying. That's bad. But hiding someone's kitchen for a little gag. Not too bad. No one's getting hepatitis. No.

So he thinks it's a gag. It's not. And the whole kitchen's gone. Yep. Someone stole the entire kitchen. I know. No idea how they got in. No idea how it happened.

No idea how they got away. Inside how it happened No idea how they got away Inside job That's the first thing I'd say They knew the pin code Unless the pin code Is one two three four No no he said

No no he changed it He said just before he left He changed it So nobody could come Over the weekend Well don't say that Because you're Criminating yourself

You're the only one then Who knows the pin code No but they must have Somehow got You're talking What are you talking About a fight club situation Like he goes to sleep

And Tyler Durden Takes over his body And he's still in his own kitchen Yeah And he doesn't reveal Till the end of the movie I saw this guy in the news You're talking about a fight club situation. Like he goes to sleep and Tyler Durden takes over his body and he's still in his own kitchen. And he doesn't reveal until the end of the movie. I saw this guy in the news and he was just like, how the hell did someone nick off with a whole kitchen? I felt so sorry for him.

Even though it's not all put together, that's a lot of stuff. Oh, that'd be expensive too. Does that include appliances? Don't know if there were appliances yet. Well, you see, there was 10 boxes and each would have been at least 40 kgs. So they would have needed a truck to get rid of it. This is the amazing thing.

So this is what we want to ask you now. What was so big you just cannot believe somebody nicked off with it? That was stolen. Maybe from your house, your flat. Yeah. Whatever. So big that you just cannot believe someone physically came in and was able to move that and take it away.

Would there be anything? I mean, obviously people take cars, but you can... You can roll a car. You can roll, or you can turn them on or hotwire them and nick off with them. But whereas when it's something that big and heavy, you've got to, there's sometimes there's planning. A lot of planning.

Yeah. A lot of planning. It would totally have been a job yeah they would have been watching maybe yeah yeah

this weekend that's going to be easy to grab yeah right we'll take the whole thing but we'd love to know what you just could not believe

got stolen because of its size alright 0800 Darns.me you can text us on 9696 probably one of those little roller doors

for the toaster you've got one of those you've got one of those I've always Probably one of those little roller doors for the toaster. You've got one of those. You've got one of those. I've always wanted one of those. It's a great piece. You want one until you've got one. And then what? You just never roll it down.

No, you don't ever roll it down. And then you're like, well, what's the point of having the rollie down? Did your grandma have just thinking of those rollie doors at one of those bread bins when you were growing up? Oh, yeah. Those were good. Now I want one of those. But again, it's just a rollie door for the sake of a rolly door.

Megan, what was so big you can't believe someone nicked off with it? The fridge and the washing machine. What? You came home

and they were just gone? Fortunately, it was right before we were due to move in. It was the old tenants and they just did a wee raid right before we moved in. Cheeky.

Oh my God. So did you end up finding out who it was and getting it back? No, unfortunately, And they just did a wee raid right before we moved in. Cheeky. So did you end up finding out who it was and getting it back? No, unfortunately, we had to buy a new one. That is so cheeky. And because that's the kind of thing you need to hire a trailer for, get a van. Yeah. That's premeditated, they call it. Somebody said their washing and dryer got stolen,

but it was bolted together because they stood on top of each other. It was bolted together and bolted to the wall. And there was just holes where they'd ripped it away from the wall. And the police are like, oh, it looks like they took it as one because there's no sign of any tools being used or any dropped screws or anything. Imagine, as hard as it is grabbing a washing machine, imagine if a dryer's bolted to it.

Alright, thanks, you're cool, Megan. Ryan, what was so big you cannot believe that someone nicked off with it? A 24-foot side container. A shipping container? Yeah, 20-footer, full of, like, building and sort of drain laying equipment. So they just took the container and everything inside it? Yeah, well, I pictured they couldn't get into it and then just come in with a truck and loaded it on.

I mean, if you've got a high-vis and a flashing light, you can do anything. But why don't you need a forklift and a truck? No, the trucks have the little lifts on them, don't they? But how do you push it on it? No, I'd say they craned it on and bug it off. Oh my God. Well, they're well-equipped thieves, these guys. It's a lot of effort.

They run a hire company. But no one's going to question it. Like, if I saw that happening, I'd be like, oh, okay. Hi, Viz, flashy light, tick, tick, tick, away we go. And did they ever get it back, Ryan? Uh, no. We recovered a bit of the gear, but the containers, I'd say at the scrapyard. Yeah, okay. Hi, Viz. Flash your light. Tick, tick, tick. Away we go. And did they ever get it back, Ryan? No. We recovered a bit of the gear but the containers, I'd say at the scrapyard.

Yeah, or some hipster Auckland cafe standard into an outdoor bar. Oh, that'd be great. And put your barista in there. They're really great. Yeah. Thanks, Ryan. Some text messages in on it.

My uncle used to work on the inter-islander ferries. He said years ago the ferry was being refurbished inside. I was getting brand new carpet. Took a crew of eight guys four days to lay all this carpet. They had to let it sit before they put the chairs back in the next day.

The people came to put the chairs in and said, I thought you'd put the carpet down. They said, we have put the carpet down. Someone overnight had stolen all of the carpet. So gone onto the ship. And stolen all of the carpet. They're like, reiterate, eight guys, four days to lay it, and someone stole it all overnight.

What the hell? Somebody said everybody that worked for the inter-islander was constantly looking for houses when they went visiting people with carpet. They all had photos of the carpet. Steve's like, hey, I've got drinks at mine on Friday. Lauren's like, we will all be there. This is new, isn't it, Steve?

New carpet, new lovely soft carpet, Steve. Should I take my shoes off, Steve? No, no, leave them on. It's high-wearing carpet made for a pedestrian. A lot of pedestrian movement. Somebody said that we came home from holidays and our whole trampoline was gone. Someone stole the trampoline. Heartbreaking.

And somebody else said that their neighbour's entire garage was stolen. What? And their neighbours arrived home from holiday and said, did you see anything to do with the garage? And they're like, no we didn't, but some of the other neighbours saw a truck

literally come in and take the whole garage. That is crazy. I know. But that's the thing, if you saw a garage being taken, you're not going to be like,

someone's unlawfully taking a garage again. Because it's not the kind of thing you neck off with, is it? No.