ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 15 2018

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

It's the semi-final of Food Fight - Kiwi Treat Edition, Fletch saw something at the gym and the craziest way your pet hurt itself.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. 10 out of 10. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. It's a poem I respects. To who? Calendar Girls. Oh, I wonder why you're standing up with your hand on your chest.

Oh no, that's not the one I'm thinking of. What one are you thinking of? I'm thinking of Fire Cats. Oh, that would have been ironic. Fire Cats. If Fire Cats had caught on fire. Oh, it would have been. And then cats had run out.

That would have been. Yes. That would have been great. That would have been great. But no, it's Calendar Girls. Still in your hometown, though. Never been to that one. Right, okay. Never been to. But no, it's Calendar Girls. Still in your hometown though. Never been to that one. Right, okay. But you've been to Firecats. Well, Firecats

used to stay open, so if it got to the town closed, and you still had a hankering from party times with a side of bosoms, you could go to Firecats. Okay. I wasn't the only one. I very rarely did that. You know, I'm

not one for a late night. You know, these are your early days, Vaughn. Even then, I was never one for a really late night. I'd be like, come on, guys. Let's go get a pie and call it a night. They'd be like, Vaughn, it's half past nine. We only just got here. I'd be like, how long are we going to be here for?

All right, your chance to win cash this morning. Double date, 8am. $200,000 up for grabs. And our very first semi-finals kick-off this morning for Food Fight. There are only four items left. And we've got one of those as a wildcard because we screwed up the

maths. Today's going to be an easy ride for one particular food item. Today's wildcard's pretty exciting, though. Yeah, it is. I would go as far to say it's an institution. The New Zealand. Yesterday's wildcard, the cookie time cookie, it won, didn't it?

Yeah, well, it's tracking a winner. It would take a bit of a miracle for it not to win at this stage of it. Hot chips, though, still in. But yeah, coming up, we'll give you all the details later and your chance to vote on those new rounds this morning. Alright you lot, listen up, it's story time. Three headlines for three news stories that I've found online. Interesting, weird, quirky news stories.

Megan and Vaughan pick one headline out of the following three. Headline one, Facebook mocks cops' tiny drug bust. Woman deals with noisy truck outside her home. And headline three, man steals police cruiser handcuffed. Okay, so the man has stolen the police cruiser while handcuffed. What's a police cruiser? Like a big one. That's what they call cars.

They just call them cruisers. So he just stole the police car. Is it a car or is it a big one. That's what they call cars. They just call them cruisers. So you just sold a police car. Is it a car or is it a big four wheel drive? I don't know. I think they just call them cruisers, don't they? Right. Because they're always cruising. I don't know. I always thought a police cruiser was the bigger

four wheel drive ones that they have in some parts of America. Oh no, it's just any car. A police car, also known as a police cruiser, is a ground vehicle used by police for transportation during patrols. So there you go. A car. A car.

Just cruising them. I quite like two. What was one? Story number one? Facebook mocks cops' tiny drug bust. I like two. Two? Yeah, two.

Woman deals with noisy truck outside her home. Yes. Hang on. I've just got to click this down. I've got an ad. I, in the meantime, have started searching police cars for sale. Because you can buy old police cars here, can't you? At options.

Yeah, but I think they've been unstickered. Yeah. There's something. I remember there was some law about stickering your car to make it represent a police car that was illegal. But you could sticker your car to look like a foreign police car. Right. Because I've seen like 1970s American cars or 60s American cars made to look like police cars from TV shows. And that was legit. But you can't sticker your car to look like police cars from TV shows. And that was legit.

But you can't sticker your car to look like a current New Zealand police car. Well, that makes sense, though, doesn't it? Huge sense. It makes a lot of sense. That's not a bad law. No. But don't they soup up their cars? So if you bought an old police car, wouldn't it be like real?

Rin, rin, rin. No, no, no. I don't think so. I don't think they go rin, rin, rin. No, they're all right. Ah, right. Rin, rin, rin, r like real rin rin rin no no no I don't think I don't think they go rin rin rin ah right rin rin rin rin rin you're thinking Fast and the Furious

when Paul Walker goes undercover okay maybe I am his car went rin rin rin we go to New Jersey now where a woman was at her home and she was annoyed

by a I think he was a utility worker a power company worker with a giant truck outside her house with one of those buckets on it. You know, they go up and fix the power lines.

Are you talking like a cherry picker? Yeah, but on the back of a truck. Okay. So it's like a big power utility truck. Right. Giant, giant thing. It was idling outside her house. Rin, rin, rin, rin, rin.

And it's a truck, so it's probably quite bassy, annoying. He was there for some time and she's like, oh God, this is annoying. So she goes out and just turns the truck off. But of course,

he's in the cherry picker bucket. This power worker. Oh no, so the engine running is keeping the hydraulics going and keeping the armour. Yes. She was charged with false imprisonment.

What? How did she false... She imprisoned him. She imprisoned him. Because he got stuck. Yeah, because he's technically stuck. She locked him up there. Also with harassment, disorderly conduct and criminal trespass.

So she's been released and summons to appear in court. Did she realise that she left him up there? I don't know. She was apparently quite angry. Quite an angry woman. So maybe, yeah. Right, so yeah, because in my mind I just imagine she naively nipped out and turned it off. Yep. Because it was interrupting her stories

on the telly. But she probably swore at them and then turned it off while he was there by himself. He wasn't working on her power or anything, so it was okay. So did he just, did he radio somebody?

Well, apparently he was up there for about 10 minutes. Oh, that's not very long. So it's not too long. Suck it up, champ. Yeah, radioed in someone. But enough, I guess, to call police.

And then all of a sudden you're a kidnapper. Yeah. He's turned the truck off. I don't know. 10 minutes isn't long enough if he got stuck up there all night we'd have somebody

to talk about exactly 10 minutes certainly not enough no it's not later on in this year the UK is going to introduce

age verification new laws that will require you when you go to a restricted website like an X rated website or if you're buying alcohol online anything that's restricted yep you go to a restricted website, like an X-rated website, or if you're buying alcohol online, anything that's restricted,

you need to fill in all your details. So I guess your name, your address, phone, like all of your... How do they know that it's your real details though? Or you have to use a credit card or something? I don't know. To quote General Akbar, that's a trap.

So this poses a problem for the 25 million Brits that like to watch porn. Were you about to say men? I feel you were about to say men. No, I wasn't. No, because I was thinking is that the UK, is it more than just Brits? But I think it is just 25 million British people that watch porn online. Because you will have to go to the site, fill in all your details to this porn site, and then you'll be able to watch it.

Well, we gave all of our details to Facebook and that didn't end bad, did it? So I can't see a problem with giving some anonymous porn website your details. Apart from, do they send emails like they've got a special on? Yeah, and your mum just tagged you in a video? You're like, Mum?

So they are bringing in what they're calling affectionately a porn pass. So you can pay £10 to buy this pass just from the dairy. What are you, going to the local dairy and get the newspaper, a dollar mixture. A rollo, a fizzy, and your tenderloin, 10-pound pawnpast. Yeah, and it's got a 16-digit code on it. So instead of putting all your details into the website, you can put in the code, and it's like, okay, your age is verified.

So I guess when you buy it, you have to show ID. I, um, could you go into a dairy and ask for that? No. Not my local, I travel You'd go to a dairy where you've never been before And I would never be going back again Like if we went to Whanganui with work I'd be like, perfect

Perfect, now to find the weirdest Out of the way dairy And you walk in But we broadcast there, don't we? Yeah Hello sir I would love to buy a You walk in. But we broadcast there, don't we? Yeah. Hello, sir. I would like to buy a pornographic pass, please. Why are you talking like that?

You got the guy at the radio? What? I shan't stand for these accusations. I'll shop for my porn pass elsewhere. God, what would you do that? You could just walk into a local dairy that you nip into on a Sunday morning because you forgot you had no eggs. Yeah.

Come on, mate. How's it going? Just the eggs? Yep. Oh, you had a poor past. What? Nothing? What?

Go on. Yeah, you'd have to call it something different. Like it's just like an R18 internet pass. An R18 pass or something. But everybody knows what it is. Don't they? A rose by any other name wouldn't smell as sweet.

I want to buy alcohol online. Nobody's believing that. As you walk into a dairy next to the bottle store. Yeah. Oh yeah, I could have gone in there next door

but so much effort. Can I have an 18 plus 16 digit pin please? Yeah. But you think if 25 million British people were buying these for 1010 each.

That's 25 lots and lots of zeros. 250 million pounds. Just, wow, that's insane. Great little revenue. Because would they expire, these passes? I don't think so. Maybe. That's crazy, isn't it?

And then you have to buy another one. I was just going to say, you could buy them online, that would be less awkward, but they're trying to, that's the very point isn't it you've got to prove you're 18 the weirdest thing about these laws

is all the people in parliament are like men it's weird I'm really surprised we knew this happened brothers how did this happen I'm really surprised old white dudes

have let pornographic become non-anonymous no a female brought it up and they were like oh of course honey yeah yeah I don't watch it definitely sweat up no no problem pornographic become non-anonymous no a female brought it up and they were like oh of course honey yeah yeah

I don't watch it definitely sweat up no no problem I'll pass it off for you yeah no we don't you guys I mean you guys don't

masturbate do you what no Jesus no all in favour of doing whatever this woman says so we can stop awkwardly talking about porn

in favour yep let's pass it's official. Damn it. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello.

Today's Top Six. Air New Zealand redoing business class. This is perhaps what makes them one of the best airlines in the world. Never happy to rest

on their laurels. True. Always looking to improve and make it better. But it's all very, very secretive. It's all going down in Hangar 22. Saw this story yesterday.

Yeah. So what, they get a whole lot of people over, they're designing. Yep. Testing it with, like, customers. Yep. I would happily test anything they have. Right. That needs sitting in or lying down on. For a long period of time.

I'm your guy. Could you bring your PS4 and play Fortnite? That would actually be a great thing to put in there. That's not on my top six, but that could totally be in there. Although slightly distracting. The trouble is we don't ever fly business so you'd get in there and be like, this is amazing. I'm happy with all of this.

You're not used to it. It's like when you go to a restaurant and the food might be rubbish, be like, three forks? I don't know. Five out of five. Why do I need three forks? This one's got a funny thick edge on it. That's a cake fork. A cake fork? I eat cake with my fingers.

Five out of five. So the top six things I'd put in the New Air New Zealand business class. Number six, a business mentor. It's business class. I want to be classed in business by having a business mentor. Right, okay. Yeah, someone that can show me how to grow my small to medium business

to a multinational conglomerate. Number five on the list of the top six things I put in the Air New Zealand business class, a bonsai tree. Okay. Nothing says well-balanced business person like a small Japanese tree. Or one of those little relaxy sand gardens with a rake. You know, like the little desktop-sized ones? Yeah.

Shit, I'm stressed. I'm about to throw myself out the window. Are you just thinking of things you've seen when you've been in the boss's office? In management's office. A little bit. I've seen around the place. I don't know if anybody here's got one of those little sand rakey gardens, do they? I don't know.

I haven't seen one. I'd be down for a sand rakey garden. Okay. Except you'd find a little cat poo in it and stuff. Yeah, you would. It's a cat's little poo in any uncovered sand. Number four on the list of the top six things I'd put in the New Zealand business class,

business socks. Like pressure socks. Yeah. You know, you can get some socks that help your circulation. Yeah. But they've got neat little patterns on them. Okay. Because that's what constitutes business socks, right?

Okay, yeah. Neat little patterns. Don't they give you socks already anyway? No, but they, oh, I don't know. Rubbish ones. What business class socks. But they need little patterns. Are they the same as what we get in economy?

I think so, yeah. They need a little, Is it a wolf's tooth or a hound's tooth pattern? Hound's tooth. Ziggy zaggy one. Yeah, there's a little pattern. A little pattern. And then that makes it

a business sock. Well, I knew it was a dog of some description's tooth. A hound or a wolf. Okay. Yeah, so that makes them business socks. Number three on the list

of the top six things I put in New Zealand business class. A fax machine. Because business class, a fax machine. Because business people love to fax. They still love a fax. Serious question. Did planes ever have fax machines?

I doubt it. I don't know. Like in the 80s? I don't think so. The phone would have to ring and they'd pick it up and it'd be like, Hang it up. Hang it up. You always had to hang up before it'd be like, Hang it up, hang it up. You always had to hang up before it got to something, eh? Because I remember if my grandparents did the same line,

you'd answer and it was like, I'm gangy. My granddad would be like, quick, hang it up before the third beep or the fourth. Because if you didn't, the fax wouldn't come through. So you'd have to be like, hello? Quick, hang up. Okay. And then it would fax through, I think.

But I'd love to know if anyone listening can ever confirm whether or not they have faxed. I doubt it. I doubt it. I'm talking standard fax, too. There might have been some sort of fax on board for, like, the pilots to read. But I'm talking about if you could ever receive a fax. Well, no, because they couldn't get a phone line, could they? Yeah, they can get phone lines now.

Yeah, but not then. Why not then? Because you can't call the plane. Yeah, you can't fly to Los Angeles and tow a phone line. No, man. Okay. Plug the phone in. Plug the phone line in.

What about some sort of wireless technology they could have received like ahead of its time? Just dragging a phone jack behind the plane. Laser it right at the... No. Like Uniden cordless phones. They went on a cord. No, but it could have walked too far from the station.

Yeah, have one big base station in the middle of the Pacific. You go out the backyard and it goes fuzzy. That's why Hawaii was so popular. It used to be the base station for all the planes and unidens. Okay. Number two on the list of the top six things I'd put in the new Air New Zealand business class. Someone walking around with a coffee going,

oh, great work. And can I have that report in five minutes, Steve? You know those useless pieces of human furniture that every business has? One of those, Just constantly walking around. Great work, guys. Great work. Hey, how are we going with those?

What's your deal? Let's have a whip. Let's have a whip. They love a whip, don't they? I love having a whip. I love a whip. It stands for work in progress. It shouldn't be whip.

It should be... Oh, no. It should be whip. No, whip. Whip. Like, whipping someone should be said whip. Yeah. And a whip should be said no whip whip like whipping someone should be said whip yep

and a whip should be said whip okay thanks just for everybody okay and the number one thing I would like to see in the New Zealand business class

is a place to get down to business like a sanctioned area for getting your area sanctioned if you know what I'm saying like if I was paying that much for a seat I'd want to be able to hanky panky no questions asked but you don't want to know able to hanky-panky. No questions asked. No, but you don't want to know that everyone goes there for sanctions.

But it's like hotels. You know people sanction in there. Solo sanction or multiple sanction or, I don't know, what's your record, Fletch? Four-person sanctions in a hotel room? So I'm just saying, the radio like that so much it started squeaking. Feedback from our headphones is the radio laughing. But I wouldn't mind.

I wouldn't stop me booking business class. I think someone had a hanging pinky there. Yuck. I mean, sports people do it all the time. And that's today's top six. F.E.M. Z.E.M. Yuck I mean sports people Do it all the time And that's today's Top 6 FEM ZM Southern Cross Pet Insurance Have released their

Unusual claims For 2017 So this is Unusual things That happen to pets In New Zealand And required them To claim for

Right Does your Does Karen have Pet insurance Yes And I used it When he jumped On the stove

Oh yeah When he jumped On the stove Burnt his yeah. When he jumped on the stove. Burnt his little paw paws. Burnt his little paw paws. Yeah. He doesn't do that anymore. He learnt his lesson. Well, this will explain just why you need to have pet insurance.

So a few of these have been released, the details. For example, a retro doodle went into a rubbish bin and ate a disposable razor blade. Jesus. So what's a Retro Doodle? Because you've got a lab. A Retro Doodle is a retriever poodle. So it's like my dog, but upsized.

Right. Okay. So my dog's the medium and it's the big combo. So is it a stupid dog as well? Well, the one Caitlin always looks after, Minnie's a Retro Doodle. Is that right? And Minnie's like white. Well, they're supposed to be quite smart. No. Anything with a poodle in Minnie's a retro doodle. Is that right? Isn't that supposed to be quite smart?

No. Anything with a poodle in it's not smart. She's a golden doodle. Golden retriever poodle. Yeah, yeah. Golden doodle. Yeah, retro doodle. A golden doodle.

Oh, a golden doodle. Is that what you call a sugar daddy? A golden doodle. He's a silver doodle. A silver doodle. He's a silver doodle salt and pepper doodle. A silver doodle. He's a silver doodle. A gold doodle's next. Yeah, right.

But they're remarkably dumb. Minnie's like white but rolls in mud all the time, right? Yeah. She's beautiful and I love her, but yeah, she's a smart cookie. Yeah, right. So does it say how much they paid out, money-wise? So that one obviously required surgery, so that was $2,615

to get the razor blades cut out. Is that even the most? They vary. Does it rank them? They vary. There's one that required a dog to go back a couple of times.

Actually that was that one. So it destroyed its cone that it had on its head. And then they had to get a muzzle and they needed calming medication so that they wouldn't eat the wound. This is my favourite.

I don't know why because it's actually quite grim. A Swiss shepherd dug up... Oh, that sounds good. Went into the garden and dug up a dead pet that their owners had buried. It gets worse. So they dug it up and then started eating some of it.

It looks like a German shepherd but they're white. And actually it looks awesome. But it caused some kind of fancy toxicity and then they had to induce vomiting for that one. Eating a rotting corpse will do that. That works for humans

as well. Don't dig up nana and start eating her. And then there's a whole bunch of dogs just eating things they shouldn't. So a German shepherd ate a duvet cover and stuffing from the liner. A little duvet? I'm not even mad. That's amazing. $2,000.

A dog ate nail separators, so a whole bunch of foam when you do your nails on your toes. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. A fox terrier ate a latex kitchen glove and needed surgery because it's blocking its poo. Ability to poo?

Yep. Another one ate a fishing line and hook and apparently that's quite common. What? I don't know. Why does that? Because it's colourful. Or they can smell the bait that's been put in. Oh, yeah. Fish or...

So lots of fishhooks eaten by dogs. Oh, that's crazy. But I'd say about $2,000 is the average that they paid out for these surgeries. So, oh, yeah. You wouldn't have a pet these days without pet insurance. No. It'd be kind of crazy to. So expensive.

Unless you can just happily say, oh, yeah, no, it's all right. Just put it down. No. But not too many people can do that. Oh, my God, a Great Dane ate an inhaler and it exploded. Great Danes are big old derps. My in-laws have got them. They're just derps.

They are what they look like. I'm a huge big likely thing. I'm going to eat it. But if you spray your inhaler too often, it makes your heart race. And apparently the dog's heart was racing and it had a bruised mouth. But off the back of this,

I'd love to know if you're, I mean, it doesn't have to be a dog. Whatever pet you've got, the crazy way that your pet hurt itself. Whether it swallowed something. Yeah, and maybe it didn't have pet insurance and it cost you a heap of money. Yeah. The crazier, the better. something. Yeah, and maybe you didn't have pet insurance and it cost you a heap of money. Yeah.

The crazier, the better. Okay. Yeah. Oh, $800. You can text us 9696. Craziest way your pet has hurt itself. This is up the back of a Southern Cross released last year, 2017.

All the crazy ways animals had hurt themselves. The claims. Oh, and the thousands of dollars that pets had cost their owners just because they're most of the time stupid. This is the animal version of those ACC things we always laugh at. Yeah. It is.

So some text messages. My friend's parrot ate the dad's hearing aid, and the battery was the problem. Because you know those little wee batteries? And it's really dangerous for kids as well because when they swallow them, it completes the fuse. It completes the circuit. Yeah. And it starts to burn. so the parrot started to get burnt i don't know oh and those hearing aids are like a really extensive parrot you'd just be like yeah they're worth thousands

of dollars the hearing aids is that out straight away yeah my concern wasn't for the bird and then they cracked it all the bird wouldn't be able to it would have to be a massive bird to swallow a hearing aid hole wouldn't it wouldn't it have to, it would have to be a massive bird to swallow a hearing aid hole, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it have put, yeah, I guess so. Cut it into bite-sized pieces with its beak. Weird. My dog jumped out

of a two-story window, smashing its back leg and slicing its Achilles tendon. Few dogs jumping from heights. My black lab sliced his chest open when he fell six metres out of a tree. I've never seen a dog

climb a tree, but he chased a possum up there, got stuck, and then started chewing on the branch he was standing on. And we're all like, nope, stop, stop. But that was his way of getting down. He just fell six metres and sliced himself quite badly. Taryn, what happened? Hi, how are you?

Good, good. We've got a dog. We don't have pet insurance, but he's cost us between two grand and two and a half grand two times now. Are you thinking of getting insurance? I think we will now. Yeah, yeah. Although he's getting

pretty old, but... You're like, wow. I mean, third strike, dog. You're only around here. Yeah, yeah. You can't poop it out, you're gonna die. Yeah. The first time he was 12 weeks old and we'd just got him a week before, and he was playing on our bed with us, and then he fell off the bed, but his leg got stuck in between the mattress and the footer,

so his body kept going, and his leg stayed up, basically. And he had a metal rod put in, and he's still got that now. And then about six months ago, he ate a metal rod put in and he's still got that now and then about six months ago he ate a beer bottle lid that was surrounded with sellotape so it got all tangled in his intestines and he had to have an operation to get that removed.

What was a beer bottle lid doing surrounded by sellotape? It was in the rubbish bin. So he's a, he likes the two-upper rubbish bin. He goes in the bin. He does. Wolves must be looking at their...

You know, the ancient wolf must be looking at me like, what have we become? Thanks, you called Taryn. Amy, what happened? It was your cat? Oh, he was on the roof one day and mum heard this horrific noise and next thing she went outside

and he'd impaled himself on a pole. Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, God. So what, he jumped off and misjudged the landing? Yeah, yeah, she thinks so. He was okay, though? Yeah, yeah, he was absolutely fine.

It just got all over the skin and no internal organs. Wow. I mean, if you're going to impale yourself, that would still be cool to say I'll impale myself without actually any damage to internal organs. Oh, that makes you feel human. That makes you feel so weird. Yeah.

Because he's stuck on the pole. Yeah, he was stuck on the pole. She had to completely lift him off. Stupid cat. Amy, thanks for your call. No worries. Hi, anonymous caller. What happened to your pet?

Hiya. So I'm a vet nurse and one of the vets from my clinic, his girlfriend is also a vet. Okay. And she had a dog that came in to see her, and it was feeling a bit sick. And the lady was just like, he's not eating, he's acting real weird.

And so they did some tests, and they found out that he'd swallowed something. Okay. And so they did exploratory laparotomy to pull it out. Yeah. And turns out it is a red frilly G-string. And so they were like, okay, well, maybe she wants this back. So they put it in a little puddle to give back to her.

And when she came to pick up her dog, they were like, this is what was in your dog. Here it is. And she was like, that's not mine. Oh! Turns out,

her husband was having an affair and the dog busted him by swallowing his girlfriend's teeth. Oh my God! Detective Dog! Yes! Wow!

I'm going to store this evidence for later. I am Detective Dog. Oh. Wow. I'm going to store this evidence for later. I am Detective Dog. Oh, no. Wow. So he didn't just, the husband wasn't like, oh, I must have got it off the neighbours or? No. I don't know.

She found out. They ended up getting a divorce. Wow. Oh, wow. I wonder who got the dog. She probably got the dog. Yeah, I'd say so. He probably didn't want the dog.

Hey, thanks for your call. No worries. Some text messages in. Ben says that they've got a black and white cat called Socks and they woke up one morning with blood all over the house. What's happened here? And they went out and Socks was bleeding but had a

there was also a dead poo kicker chick. So they're like, oh man, Socks has put the blood of the poo kicker chick everywhere. But it was actually the cat that was bleeding him. Bleeding. Yeah. He'd got a poo kicker chick. So they're like, oh man, Sox has put the blood of the poo kicker chick everywhere. But it was actually the cat that was bleeding him. Bleeding. Yeah. He'd got a poo kicker chick, but the mother poo kicker had attacked it.

And apparently this is a thing, like they're pretty brutal and just slice them right across the neck. Oh my God. A poo kicker did that? Yeah, the vet said that quite often cats underestimate a poo kicker. Was Sox okay?

How do they hold a knife? Yeah, Socks is okay. And their claws, have you not seen that ad where they, you know, turn on the lights and everything for that power company? Then they get a switchblade. Well, those are the high-end poo kickles. Those bottom ones just get a knife and just come at you. My dogs were both chasing the same Frisbee and jumped to catch it.

Smashed their heads together and knocked out their teeth. My collie looks a bit ridiculous with no front teeth. But the other dog got its teeth fixed at a very high price. You know, around the office today, I've lost a little bit of my nice guy. Because I'm the office nice guy. Everyone sees it. Megan, if you could have heard Megan's eye roll, it would have been like this. It would have been the back of my God. Megan, if you could have heard Megan's eye roll, it would have been like this.

It would have been the back of my skull. So, yeah, if you notice, you're like, oh, Vaughn's a bit more business now. Okay, why? Here's a guy who's here for business and not pleasure anymore. He's not Mr. Nice Guy. It's because I've read this study that being a nice guy actually will cost you salary,

not the stalky green vegetable that you didn't have. Salary, not celery. Salary over your lifetime. So it starts at the age of 30. So if you're a nice guy through your 20s, it's going to do you okay. Is this females as well? Guys. Guys.

Studied guys mostly in this. Okay. But the minute you hit 30, being Mr. Nice Guy actually starts to work against you somewhat compared to being a bit more of a hard line and a bit more of a boss. You just get walked over. Yeah, there's a little bit of the walkover, but also people just kind of have this idea that nice guys aren't supposed to earn

this much money. Or like, you're not going to get into like boss positions because you're like, oh, he can't tell anyone off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's too nice. He's too nice. And we need a kicker.

Yeah, right. Of the shiz up in those top positions. So nice guys do finish last. Yeah. And nice guys also apparently in pay negotiations, there's a thought that they are a nice guy. You don't need to worry about them too much. But if you've got someone who's just like, look, this is how it's going to happen.

Yeah. This is what's going to happen. You need to pay me more. You need to pay me more because this isn't going to do. But also a nice guy is going to be like, oh, that's all you can afford. Okay. That's all right. No worries.

Oh, okay. I know time's at half and the company only made $50 million last year, but all right, I don't need to pay, right? I mean, we work for one of the four big banks that have been touted as, you know, despite a downturn in business, have actually made record profits. But I fully understand that there's no more money for me. So, yeah, being conscientious isn't as good as just being demanding in a hard meeting.

Right. So you're going to lose your nice guy persona around the office. Done. What are you going to do instead? Shut up, fat guts. Oh, my God. Why did you say that? Where did you go from my fat guts? I don't? Shut up, fat guts. Oh, my God. Why did you say that? Where did you go from my fat guts?

I don't know why I said fat guts. I'm not very good at being mean. I'm not very good at the mean thing. It's my first day being mean. I want to give you a pay rise. Also, I'm not in charge of your pay rise. Yeah, but I've got to, like, step on you. Right, okay.

I've got to step on you. Okay. So I can claim your worth. Can you insult Megan now? No,'ve got to step on you. Okay. So I can claim your work. Can you insult Megan now? No, don't. Don't you do it. Second of all, why'd you do that to Fletch? Do you want to pay her rise?

Yeah, I want to pay her rise. Who's in charge? Well, you've got to say something mean to Megan. Do it at your peril, sunshine. Let's role play. Let's role play. Let's imagine a woman's role play. Let's role play. Let's imagine. Let's role play. Let's imagine a woman's in management. Okay. Okay.

Sure. Okay. Step into my office. Oh, my God. She's even got an office in. This is great. This is great role play. It's quite hard to.

No, that's my chair. Okay. Here we go. Hey, so my contract is up and I need more money. What? Shut your mouth, woman, and give me money. Hey, sunshine. Sport, sweetheart.

Look, champ. Look, sweetheart. Look, pal. What have you done to deserve a pay rise? Look, Miss Thing. What haven't I done to deserve a pay rise? Rather than Miss Thang. What haven't I done to deserve a pay rise? Rather than putting the burden on me to prove that I'm worth it, you tell me I'm not.

You're not. Why not? Why not? Oh, I'm not. It's so mean. Okay, this is a terrible role play, and you're a terrible main person. So I'm not getting a pay rise? Not today.

You frumpy bitch. Oh. You're a terrible main person. So I'm not getting a pay rise? Not today. You frumpy bitch. Oh! Yeah, you leave the studio. I quit. I don't quit, but how's this going for me? Out of 10, how would you give my mean guy? You better leave my office. That's something I'm just trying.

Did I go too hot? I can't be too hot. I think you're going too mean. Never come back. I'll pull back. I'll pull back. Yesterday at the gym, there was a guy working out next to me, and I noticed as I looked down at his feet.

Okay. You're giving him the up and down, are you? Like sizing him up. Push comes to shove, mate. I'm always, you know, like in between sets, you just look around and you're just like, I don't know, you're just people watch, don't you? Yeah.

So I was watching this guy down at his feet, and he had a, lumpy sock. And this is what I noticed about him. I was like, this guy's got a lumpy sock. Yeah. What kind of sock was he wearing? Because I don't wear a tall sock. This is like a dress sock with a sports shoes.

That would have raised my suspicion. Yeah. But I'm like, it's not a watch, because it had a bulbous bit and a strap. I'm like, that's a bloody home detention bracelet. It's not a watch because it's on his ankle too. That would have been my giveaway. Not the size, just the limb that he chose to put it on. It's not a Fitbit on your ankle.

No. And he was obviously using these big socks to cover the fact that he was wearing a home detention bracelet. But it wasn't, it didn't hide. He didn't like scrunch them down over it. You could clearly see the outline. You're saying you would have got like a rugby sock and then pushed it down so scrunches match. Nobody would know I was on home detention at the gym. This is my question. How can you be on a home detention at the gym. This is my question.

How can you be on home detention? Maybe he's allowed. I'm not having a go at him. If I was on home detention and I was allowed to go to the gym, I'd go to the gym. But are you allowed to? What's the deal? They have conditions on them sometimes. Yeah, they might be allowed out for a certain amount of hours a day.

If you've got an ankle bracelet, you can still might be allowed out for a certain amount of hours a day. Because if you're on... Towards the end of it. If you've got an ankle bracelet, you can still sometimes be allowed to work. You can't go out. Like, so you have to be home at five or whatever. What's the point of being like, I thought the whole idea was you were naughty. Well, you have to... But it's monitoring. That might just be monitoring.

It might not be home detention, home detention. Oh, right. You can get home detention where you're literally not allowed to leave the house. But anyone that's being monitored, should they be like... Roaming the streets? Roaming around there like you're being monitored. Out with the people. But wouldn't that include like...

What's the difference? Blue collar and white collar? White collar is money, right? Yeah, yeah, white collar is fraud. It could be like a white collar. Well, no, that's what I thought. That's what I was like. Maybe he's a fraudster and that's okay.

I mean, the fraudster's not going to kill you. What if his meth lab blew up and it just goes off the handle at me because he's not on his meth? Well, I think you're supposed to trust the justice system that they're not going to let him walk around if he's dangerous or something. If there's anything less than a 10 minutes of talk back a day, Megan, it's that the justice system can't be trusted. It's not working.

These crackpot lefty judges will just let murderers walk the street. But so is that a thing? You can be on home detention but go out. Monitored, yeah. Or you can be on curfew where you've got to be home during, at night time,

because that's of course when criminals are like, owls. They only come out at night. Otherwise during the day they're just like a harmless looking bird. Yeah, I think when home and away, creatures are prey. When home and away starts, you've got to be home. Oh, yeah, yeah.

If you're not home by the seven, you're in big trouble. You're back in prison. I don't know. I've never been monitored. I wonder if he gets asked. If people are like, what are you? I don't know if I would have asked him, Megan. It takes a ballsy person to ask a person why they're being monitored.

What are you being monitored for? Well, I'm glad you've asked. I just cooked the books. I cooked the books. Goodness me. You don't pay tax for 15 years and they want to slap one of these ugly things on you. And of course, I don't own rugby socks to slouch over it. God, no.

Fashion crime. Now, you should be monitored I don't own rugby socks to slouch over it. God, no. Fashion crime. Now, you should be monitored if you're wearing rugby socks at the gym, I personally think. But anyway, so's life. Just a follow-up to your guy at the gym who you thought was on home detention but hiding his bracelet below his ankle socks. There's definitely a bracelet on. There's a bracelet there. Whatever it's for.

So, here's a few possible solutions people have messaged in. Okay. They're not always used for home detention, those bracelets. Some people's conditions

of bail would be that they stay sober. That's from drugs and alcohol. And there are bracelets called scram bracelets that can test for alcohol and blood every few hours. And I think it's just

like it sits against the skin. I remember Lindsay Lohan had one. Alcohol and drugs. Did she? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It doesn't like stick a needle in you. You're not walking along and it's just like did, did, did! It doesn't. It measures your sweat or something?

Yeah, I don't know. Right. Somebody said they wear their Fitbit on the ankle when they're at the gym when they're on the bike why because it counts as a step because if you're

holding on to the handles you'd be like my legs are doing things but then your pulse would be racing right so your Fitbit would work out that something's up it's not like

or your Fitbit's like oh well you're dead you have a heart attack yeah your heart's not racing for no reason I'm sure but somebody else said they knew someone that was on community detention All your footnotes are like, oh, well, you're dead. You have a heart attack. Yeah. Your heart's overriding for no reason.

But somebody else said they knew someone that was on community detention, which is like home detention, but they have to be home overnight or over the weekend, but it just kind of monitors their position. Right, but during the day, they're fine. Do you have to plug yourself in to recharge that? Like, how long does the battery last on those? Surely the majority of the size of that in 2018 is battery, right? Yeah. I'm not sure. You don't want to run out of battery on your monitoring. Well, news

in that a Danish company has invented underwear that doesn't need washing for two weeks. Yuck. Go. No. What? Okay. But does it have an aspect that you, like, pull out? So, there's silver that's woven into the fabric. it kills 99.9

of bacteria fungi and other microbes yeah silver does that because my parents in the spa they've got they don't use the chemicals they've just got this thing and it's called a silver block and it's got active silver in it or something and it stops it getting from getting manky is that better than chlorine yeah they don't use chlorine smell after you get out of the spa. Oh, that's good because that's the worst thing about a spa. Yeah, yeah. Chlorine or any pool with chlorine in it. So that's cool that there's no bugs, but... Skids.

It's not going to claim the skiddies. Does it claim the skiddies? That was my first thought. It's a rogue skid. Yeah. It's not going to do anything for that. Yeah. They still need to physically be washed.

It's not going to kill the smell either, is it? No, because it's the bacteria that causes the smell. Unless, again, a skid. That's a completely different smell. And, like, if you wear them to the gym and you sweat in them. They're going to be wet. Yeah, I mean, it's not my idea. This is not my idea of underwear.

Have you seen a Danish person? Pretty hot. I say we just do what they say. I just say we do what we're told. This has caused outrage. Outrage. And like, totally fair enough, kind of can see why. Yeah. But a private

school in Miami, I believe it's pronounced. Miami. That's not how the woman in Will Smith's song, Miami, said it. Welcome to Miami. Okay, Miami. So I'm going to go with them, because they're locals. Okay. A private school in Miami had a caged tiger at their senior prom. It was wheeled in.

Wow. Whilst Welcome to the Jungle was playing. And it's not a big cage. I saw this news story yesterday. No, it's like a transport cage. It's cruel. Yeah. It had enough room to. It's cruel. Yeah. It had enough room to go around and around. Yes.

It blew my mind. So other animals there were birds, there was a lemur, there was a fennec fox, which if you've seen a fennec fox, super cute. They live in the Sahara. They've got these big huge ears. They look like they've not grown into their ears yet, but they never do. They're real cute. And two macaws, those big parrots.

Right. Not Richie McCaws. Not Richie McCaws. Not Gemma and Richie McCaw. Although they would be great to wheel out at a ball if you were in Canterbury. The crowd would go crazy. Oh, they'd love it. They'd go crazy.

And then people would be like, she bit you in that race. Because of that ad. Remember when she bit him in the race and people were upset that she bit him in a fictitious race? Anyway. So the animal gets wheeled out and it's a bit freaking out as you would imagine. And it's pacing back and forth in the

cage and everyone there's like, this is extra. I'm hitting the gram. But everyone that sees the gram is like, that's not appropriate. Maybe you were caught up in the mood to think that that was like, that's not appropriate. Yeah. Cruelty, isn't it? Maybe you were caught up in the mood to think that that was, but that's not okay. But in America,

you can have your own pet tiger. You can. There was more pet tigers in America than there were tigers in the wild. I don't know if that stat still stands. Probably, because I can't imagine the numbers are going crazy.

So you'd like now to ask New Zealand how extra over-the-top their school ball was. Yeah. I always thought our school ball was killing it in the 90s because we had an under-the-sea theme and we had a bubble machine. And I thought that was pretty legit. But not compared to a tiger. Apparently not.

Right. None of us went to a private school, did we? Because we were all pretty normal. Caitlin, were we not dependent on drugs and own Audis? Technically, mine wasn't private, but everyone thought it was. Did you? Because of the diocese. And what did you do for your school ball?

Just got breath tested. Did you have on-site breath testing? They were threatened in our school, but they never followed through on it. And they felt us up. Well, no, that sounds bad. They just made sure we didn't have knives and stuff. Why were they pinning down Catholic girls for knives? I don't know.

No, they wanted to make sure you weren't sneaking in any booze or contraband, right? Oh, yeah. Knives. Rate yourself. A Timaru girls' high school. Big knife problem. Oh, big. They're all carrying.

They're all got switchblades. Those aren't really the stories we were after, Caitlin. No, sorry. We were after, like, you know after over-the-top school balls. What about Producer Anya? James, anything? Well, you went to Rangitoto, one of the biggest high schools, the biggest high school in the country.

Surely there were some rich kids that went there and got a little carry-to-out at ball time. Did anyone helicopter in? No one helicoptered in. No one helicoptered in. No, I reckon it can someone with a helicopter in. Rangy and Christchurch totally. But it's too dark. The balls happen at night. You can't helicopter

in the dark. But it's a private school. There's a helipad. No there's not. Just turn the Audis on. Yeah, they put the Audis around the hockey turf and turn the lights off. Turn the hazards on. Get out. They do not. No one's helicoptered to a ball. Are you serious?

Yeah. I won't believe it until I hear it from someone that was in the helicopter. Okay. I'll accept your text message. What about you, James? Anything from your school that got a little... No, I was just actually looking. We had one of the guys from Shortland Street sing at our... Okay, that is great.

That is the kind of story we want. What guy from Shortland Street? This is pretty extra. I forget his name, actually. He was the one who ended up with Yvonne and ran away with her. Lionel? No, not Lionel. Another one, but I can't remember his name.

But he was in a cover band. Great band. Good band. So that was like his side gig. Yeah, I guess so. But then everybody wanted a photo with him because he was on Shortland Street. I know. There was about seven other people in the band, but everyone just wanted a photo with him.

Poor drummer. See, that's the kind of story we need. How over the top, how extra was your scoreball? 0800 DALESATM, 9696. You can text us. Maybe you had a guy from Shortland Street there. I don't know. Yeah, maybe.

These are going to be very Kiwi stories. We're not going to have tigers and lions in a cage. That's good. Aren't we? Any reports of anyone helicoptering in? Not yet. Not yet. Maybe that isn't a thing.

I don't know. Somebody said there was an option. One girl thought about helicoptering in, but then she was informed that it would ruin her hair when she was running out under the downforce of the... Oh, that's an issue. Oh, yeah, right. She had to sit in there until it totally stopped, but then you've lost all your pizzazz.

Yeah, because everybody's always wanted to do that running hunchy run away from a helicopter. But not when you've just had your hair done. Yeah. Okay, 0800-DARLESS-ATM-969. Talking now about your school balls and how over the top, how extra was your school ball? Somebody's messaged in saying, I'd prefer not to talk on the radio. Okay. But I got helicoptered into the school ball.

Didn't realise the school field was wet. And when I stood on the grass, my high heel dug in. And then when I tried to pull it out, I face planted in front of the whole school that had gathered to see the helicopter arrive at the school ball. No one's got sympathy for you. My friend who came in the helicopter with me didn't get out of the helicopter

and told the pilot to just take off and she was so embarrassed that she didn't want to be getting out and helping me as I was covered in mud. Easily the most embarrassing moment of my whole life. Oh, no. Loves everyone else. Entertainment for everybody else.

For the greater good. Yeah. Somebody said At our school ball A few of the kids Got dropped off On the back of Harleys But they couldn't

Get to the front door Without going across A bit of grass And one of the Harleys Skidded over on the grass And the girl on the In the ball gown Just got completely

Same as the helicopter School balls are always In winter eh So the fields are always Soggy and muddy You don't want to be thrown across. You just have to go home because you're covered in mud. Yeah.

Well, next time land in the car park. Yeah. Some text messages on the subject. And we're hearing from a lot of very wealthy schools. A lot of very wealthy schools. Somebody said, we in the early 2000s had Tadpole play at our school ball. Now there's a blast from the past. I hired them.

Probably got them on the down, you know, like cheaper. Maybe. Someone just after they've had all their big hits. Whoever knows all the songs, but maybe demand isn't that big and you can pick them up at a reasonable rate. We had a Las Vegas theme, and somebody hired slot machines purely for aesthetics, but it turns out they worked.

There was a lot of trouble about that. Yeah, because underage kids were basically gambling. It's a school ball. Very true. Brilliant. Laura, how over the top was your school ball? So our school hired out the whole of Vector Arena for our ball. We had chocolate fountains.

It was pretty next level. Oh, my God. Chocolate fountains. Did that end up being quite messy? Yeah, I was wearing a white dress, so that wasn't so good. Oh, no. No, bad idea. Like, I can just imagine them being contaminated

because people were putting their mouths under them. Did that happen? Yeah, that didn't happen, but there was just like so many marshmallows. It was, yeah, it was pretty cool. What school was it? Oh, this was, um, Kristen. Oh, you guys sure know how to go over the top.

Oh, yeah, we do it well. This is a school that spent like quarter of a mil on their school production. And they're doing Phantom of the Opera right now, aren't you? Oh, la, la. You don't go to the school anymore, do you? Oh, no. Don't want to get in trouble.

You'd be well aware as an alumni that they're doing Phantom of the Opera and it looks next level. It's ooh, la, la. We didn't even have a school play. I think I saw a billboard for that and thought it was like a proper... Well, you would not be mistaken. It looks very serious. Hey, Laura, thanks for your call.

Jess, how is your school ball over the top? Well, we tend to like go way over the top. We're a small, tiny, tiny school. Yeah. And we make a big pond for our entrance. And the one year when it was fire and ice, the boys froze the whole pond built a big walkway and put like a flame furrow that shot flames out of the air.

Good lord! How did you freeze a pond? I have no idea. The boys hired some machine that you just freezes it in blocks. It took them like a whole day to freeze and they had to do it late afternoon so that it would stay frozen and they put candles all over the pond.

I've got so many questions about the frozen pond. Yeah, yeah. You walked in to get in over the frozen pond? Yeah, because every year they build a pond and they build a walkway over top of it. Right. And so they just froze the whole thing. But we spent all our money on doing this whole freezing process

and the candles. The inside was really underwhelming. All about that entrance. At least the entrance looks good. Hey, Jess, thanks for your call. Some text messages in to just finish it off. Somebody said we had a under the sea themed ball. As Morons of College

did in the late 90s. Yeah, yeah. You know why? It's because of Back to the Future, right? Yes. This was under the sea. This was why? It's because of Back to the Future, right? Yes. This was under the sea. This was under the sea, the original Back to the Future. We had a tank with three mermaids swimming in it, though. What? One of their tails fell off, and then one of their boobies came out. Oh.

Wow. Yeah. That's good. That's good stuff. Somebody said, we hire the Waterfront Events Centre in Auckland for our ball. Oh, okay. It was a games room that if you wanted to just some time out from the music, you could go and have some time out down there. But everyone was dropped off on the most and stuff.

And that's from a rich school. So we're just jealous, basically. Basically. Well, I don't know how many people can say they had the Prime Minister organise their school ball. Well, she wasn't Prime Minister at the time. I'm not a future Prime Minister. What did the

future Prime Minister organise for your school ball? The under the theme. No, she was just involved on the organisational committee and she organised the after ball and like sober transport and stuff. That's very conscientious. She just knew that, you know, you could say no drinking, but she knew it was going to happen anyway.

Right. So she just organised a safe option for people. Right, okay. Yeah. And now she's Prime Minister. And I got drunk. So, I mean, that was a bit of an indicator of where everyone's life was heading at that stage too. Right, so she was the sensible one and you were the drunk one.

Yes. Basically, right. I mean, I wasn't the only drunk one. It was an after ball. Yeah, obviously. Again, not at the ball. Fletch Vaughan and Megan's Food Fights. The Keeney Treat Edition.

So after two weeks of voting, and this is what, our second day? So nearly two and a half weeks. Yeah. We are down to the semi-finals as we search for New Zealand's favourite Kiwi treat. Yes. The winner of today's two... To-dos.

To-dos. That's today and two mixed together. To-dos. Today's matches will be in the final tomorrow. Okay. Wow. Yeah. Two of these four will be against each other tomorrow.

Should we go through what happened yesterday first? Yep. Yesterday, Pineapple Lumps took on Lollicake. And it was goodbye to Lollicake. Thank goodness. That came too far. It did well, didn't it? 56% of our votes went to Pineapple Lumps.

So, you know, not a monstrous defeat, but a defeat for lolly cake nonetheless. But pineapple lumps have been comfy the whole way through this. I'll tell you what it tells me. If you've got a bakery, a cafe, a truck stop, any kind of cafeteria, you must stock it with lolly cake. Oh, yeah, lolly cake killed it. It did well. Yeah, definitely.

It beat some big ones. Yeah, it did. If I was a bakery or a low-end or a high-end dairy that serve these sorts of things, I'd look at this as to what I'd be stocking Michelle's with. Because you know, that's why I like going to night and day. Night and day is still a good lolly cake. They do a pretty good slice. They do a good slice.

Because it's the South Island, so everyone likes a decent-sized slice. It's getting into the North Island, but yeah. Well, I hope they don't lose their South Island slice sizes. That's right. Because, you know, some places they branch out, and then they try to become where they've moved, and you just want them to stay true where they were.

A heartland-sized healthy, not healthy, slice. Sure. Definitely not healthy, that slice. And yesterday, Hot Chips took on chips and kiwi dip and obliterated them. So there were nearly 20,000 votes and well over 12,000 of those votes were for Hot Chips. Percentage-wise, 64% to 36%.

Hot Chips is going to be hard to beat. We do love Hot Chips. I think Hot Chips, it is definitely in the final, but I think Hot Ch chips will win the final. Do you? I mean, we're not at the final yet. No. A couple of rounds of voting today.

No, and there was another round yesterday. It was Jelly Chip taking on the Cookie Time cookie. Now, the Cookie Time cookie was the wild card entry. Yes, it was. Last minute because we had mucked up. Miscalculated. Yeah. Mucked up the rounds, didn't we?

And we'd heard from a lot of people saying, where are the dot, dot, dot? And one of the where are the dot, dot, dots was cookie time cookies. So they came in and I tell you what, for a wild card, there was an upset. They bet jelly tip yesterday. That's a whole tub of jelly tip ice cream. I know. I really thought jelly tip would have beaten the cookie time.

Yeah. But no. 56% of votes went for the cookie time cookie. 44% for jelly tip. Now these are the rounds that are happening right now. Semifinals today.

Another wild card entry is taking on what has been undeniably the strongest competitor in Food Fight Kiwi Treats edition so far, the Pundit of Hot Chips. No one's come close. No. It's obliterated all of its competition. It has

won every time by at least 60% of the vote, right? Yeah. However, this wild card's like iconic in New Zealand. Yes. It is the fundraiser sausage. Now this is a sausage that you might find outside Bunnings or Mitre 10 on the weekend.

With onions? Oh, with sauce or onions, however you like it. It's how you like your fundraiser sausage. And we're imagining the fundraiser sausage people have whatever you need to put on it. Is it un-Kiwi of me to say? Probably. I don't like the fundraiser sausage. The sausage and white bread, I don't like it. Is it un-Kiwi of me to say? Probably. I don't like the fundraiser sausage.

The sausage and white bread, I don't like it. What don't you like about it? I just don't like it. I'd rather have something else. Like a burger. You can have it in one hand. No, burgers don't cost $1.50. $2 with onions. Right, okay. I don't know.

He doesn't like tomato sauce either. Or kiwi dip. Yeah, kiwi dip. No. Go somewhere else. There's something wrong with me. Inherently wrong. Right.

Okay. So the fundraiser sausage. Up against hot chips. You're not just buying a yummy sausage. You're helping somebody raise some money for something. Yeah. True. So that is taking on hot chips.

And you can vote on our Instagram, FVMZM. At the moment. At the moment, 65% of votes for Hot Chips. There's been just over, I'd say nearly 6,000 votes cast. So that's a victory for Hot Chips. And while it's looking that way, it would take a massive change of leadership there. So at this stage, Hot Chips will be in the final tomorrow. And our wild card, the Cookie Time Cookie taking on Pineapple

Lumps. Pineapple Lumps are going to obliterate Cookie Time. I'm going to say it now. You are wrong. After 1,500 votes, Cookie Time Cookie has a 53% lead. It's 53-47 over the Pineapple Lumps.

Has New Zealand got to the point where they're like, I love these both, however only one is still manufactured on our shores? Oh, you're saying that New Zealand is a quiet patriotic with local manufacturer. Yeah, right. Oh, that's an interesting one.

And you know what? You can't put a bag of pineapple lumps in the microwave for 10 seconds. I've never tried, but you can. I bet you bloody can. It would be hard to pick up because it would go real slimy. No, but you can do the opposite and put them in the freezer

and then they're like... I know. It's hot v. cold. Okay, well... But you could also freeze it at a cookie time and it would make the chocolate like real crunchy.

Yeah, very true. All right, well, you can vote now. It's our semi-finals. The finals will be tomorrow. FVMZM on our Instagram. Wow, we're passionate about food, aren't we? Yeah.

FVM. So yesterday, I'm skirolling. I'm skirolling and rolling through Instagram, and I am confronted. What are you confronted? I am confronted by Megan. Right. Who's...

She should put up another selfie. No, no, no. This was like a high-end production. Yeah. And then... Because you know how you have to click on it to get the audio? Yeah. On Instagram, so I click on it and it's Megan talking.

I'm like, that's enough. And I click on it again. Had enough of that today. No, but then I unclicked again. Because that joke wasn't funny because it was just me and I perform best with an audience. And then it's Megan and Toyboy is in there too. And she's accusing him of cheating.

I'm like, well, she didn't mention this. We would have had a field day with this this morning, but it's not your traditional sort of cheating. No. Vaughn sent me the link. You didn't tell us you were going to be on an ad. You've done an ad. I know, but like, why would I tell you?

Because I subject myself to this kind of... Oh, yeah, yeah. And you're playing yourself. I could have given you some tips on how to play yourself better. Okay. So the premise of this ad is it's for Spark. And Netflix. And Netflix.

And about partners that cheat on each other by skipping ahead and watching a show that you're meant to be watching together. Yeah. This is like not only boyfriend, girlfriend, like just friends do it. When you're supposed to be watching a program with someone and they skip ahead and watch it without you. Caitlin started watching the program that I recommended, Safe, with your flatmate Ellie

last night. I told you it was good. It's a whodunit. I told you it's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't actually hear you say that. So I was just like, oh my God,

I started watching this new show called Safe and Fletch was like, I told you about that yesterday. Came in a strong recommendation. But you're not allowed to watch your head until she's home. No, no. That's like the program

that we've decided to watch together. Oh God. But we work really weird, like different hours from each other. So it's going to be really hard. It's a big commitment. It is. Because then if you work different hours and they're not home

or you're not seeing them all the time. Yeah. We filmed that, and he did it again after we filmed it too, watched it on a TV show. So I gave up. I was like, I don't want to watch it anymore. Oh, what show did you pack a sand on? It's about the Australian lady who just gave birth.

I can't remember what it's called. Very vague, Megan. Very vague. It's like a dark comedy about The Australian lady Who just gave birth I can't remember What it's called Very vague Megan Very vague It's like a dark comedy About motherhood or something I can't What's it called I don't know

I've forgotten Because I'm not watching it anymore It's like no Watch by yourself then Oh Do you know what I couldn't believe Because I scrolled down

Into the comments section Oh okay Do I want to know Because here's the thing No No I don't want to know? Because here's the thing. No. No. I don't want to know. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I haven't even watched this ad because I'm like, I don't want to say myself. Megan refuses to watch it. No. Megan refuses to watch her own ad. But it's quite a good ad because, like, they get this giant billboard with high end. Digital billboard.

They spend more on one ad than this place has spent on advertising the show, so thanks. Thanks, Spark and Netflix. It was a huge digital billboard that followed Andrew, my husband, around saying he'd be cheating. We know you've been cheating. It was really well done. Yeah, yeah.

Why don't you watch it? You look great in it. No, I just don't want to see, you know? So I scrolled down just to see what people were saying. Oh, no, no. No, no, no, not about you. But people were going nuts at their partner. See ya.

See word. And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And it's like, F you, Ryan. You do this all the time. And Ryan comments back. He's like, relax. You can catch up. Catch up by yourself. Like, got quite heated between partners. Yeah. I was like, yikes. But I did just go in

back in to look at the comments and someone said, crikey, I thought that was Amanda Bynes for a second. Compliment or not? Wait. Which Amanda Bynes for a second. Compliment or not? Wait. Which Amanda Bynes? Exactly. She's the man, Amanda Bynes? Compliment.

Current Amanda Bynes? Not compliment. Not compliment. Should I ask them what Amanda Bynes is? Well, don't go into comments. No, it's the only way to settle this argument. Well, no, nobody has been. Man, that's what I was going to say.

They were just going angry at each other. Hold on. What's Amanda Bynes? Okay. We'll update you with the answer. I'll let you know. What's Amanda Bynes? Fact of the day is next.

Past or present? Fact of the day. Sorry. I just, I needed to clear my throat. Sorry. It doesn't work. It's a two part. I'm ready.

Okay. It's't work. It's a two-part. I'm ready. Okay. It's time for... Fact of the Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Day. Today's fact of the day I had something else researched but I've put it to the side

because this one popped in and I wanted to deal with it There we go Today's double date month was June Yes And one of the star signs

that falls in June is Cancer That's my star sign That's your star sign But I'm on the cusp of that and Gemini So Gemini's the start of June

After It's the after Gemini's the end of June Yeah End of June into July Cancer's the start of June. After, it's the after. Gemini is the end of June. Yeah, end of June into July. Cancer is the start of June. Isn't that Leo into July? No, that's August.

No, this is his cusp. Gemini. He has a big cusp. People often, people say. May 21 to June 21. So no, sorry, it's the year. Gemini. Gemini goes after.

I don't know. You're Gemini. Okay. You're Gemini Cancer Cusp then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Whatever. It's all just a bunch of bullshit.

Vaughan. Yeah, it's kind of a neat thing to be able to talk to somebody about. Yeah. Especially if they're like, oh, that means you're, and you can be like. But then sometimes I read my traits and I'm like, oh, they just know me so well. They know me in a broad sense so intimately. These broad traits, I really, these broad positive traits that anyone would put to themselves and also these insecurities that I'm pretty sure everybody worries about

regardless of what day of the year they were born. They relate to me on a personal level. Are you tired of being so cynical? No, it's kind of like this endless source of energy. Like, for example, I'll list off these traits for cancer, my cancer ends. And I'll tell you If they also apply to me Applies to Aquarius Gentle

Yes No I'm a gentle lover I'm talking about me here Vaughn I'm the cancer You're not the cancer No but I'm saying It also applies to me

Affectionate No Curious Maybe Maybe but not like curious Isn't like purely curious More just like Where's my something

Like that Adaptive Is that like versatile Is that verse No 100% not adaptive Not that like versatile okay not very stuck in your ways right and ability to quickly learn and exchange ideas not really weaknesses nervous inconsistent and indecisive those are your three strengths yeah what they What they've witnessed as witnesses. Those would be your strong areas. Okay, well, that's not me either. But see, like, that's nothing, is it?

No. But anyway, when we said before about the star sign being cancer in June, I was like, what came first? Cancer or cancer? The name for the disease, the name for the cell thing that happens, that, you know, costs many lives lives or the name of the star sign. The star sign would have come first, wouldn't it? Okay.

Here's the story as to why it's called, both the star sign and the disease are called cancer. Right. So the animal for cancer, the representation in horoscopes is a crab. Correct. The animal for cancer The representation in horoscopes Crab Is a crab, correct Because if you find the cancer constellation In the sky And you like A high on acid or something

You can see a crab I can never see that No They're all like I can see that I can always see the pot And the trolley Yeah but

Which one's the trolley? It's just a pot isn't it? I think the trolley is just a pot At a different time of night Yeah I don't know But I'm always like Oh my god that's a shopping trolley? It's just a pot, isn't it? I think the trolley is just a pot. At a different time of night. Yeah, I don't know. But I'm always like, oh my God, that's a shopping trolley or a pot. Or a pot. But I can never see the Southern Cross.

Can you not see the Southern Cross? Isn't it by the pot? Nah, it's a bit rubbish. Nah, the pot. I don't know. There's two parts of the pot. There's an app though, eh? Your Star Walk is so good.

Oh, I need to get that. Yeah. And does it show you the trolley? Is that what they call it, the trolley? No, it's the pot. Okay. So there's no trolley. Two parts of that what they call it, the trolley? No, it's the pot. Okay. So there's no trolley. Two parts of that or something.

There's no trolley in the stars. It's the pot. I think what you're describing is the pot. Unless there's another trolley, but I'm not familiar with the trolley. But it looks like it's got wheels and a big basket and a handle. Oh, okay. No, no, no, that's not the pot. I would say the pot's a trolley without the wheels.

You'll have to show me the trolley next time we're in the dark. Next time we're somewhere. we're in the dark. Next time we're somewhere. We're in the dark together. Next time we go camping, next time we go to one of the huts. Yeah, you can show me the trolley. Fletch and Vaughn's astrology. Yeah. What a great, we'll make a web series.

Yeah. Is it astrology or astronomy when it's actual? Oh, no, it's astronomy. Astrology is where you dance your fate around. We'll do both. Okay. So the constellation of cancer looks like a crab.

Yep. There was a Latin word. Actually, the Greeks, it dates right back, but one of the words for crab is carcanos. Right.

Which when it became, when it evolved through to Latin, carcinoma is what it was Which, when it evolved through to Latin, carcinoma is what it was called, but it always meant crab. Now, the first people to have a look at cancerous tumours were the Greeks, and out of the tumour came claw-like looking veins.

Oh, like, tell anything. Right. So they said, that looks like a crab, so we're going to call this cancer. Right. Because they said that looks like a crab. So we're going to call this cancer. Right. Because the tumor looks like a crab. Right. So both the star sign and the disease are named after the creature.

Right. Okay. But the star sign came first. The star sign had its name first. Yep. But the crab, the animal, had its name first most. So the disease was named after the animal, as was the star sign. Right.

Okay. So there you go. Because I've often wondered where cancer got its name from. I always wonder who names these things. Like the Greeks, unfairly so. I mean, they got to name a lot of stuff. Yeah, they did. And I wonder if the Egyptians had names for it,

but the Greeks took over and they're like, forget it. Forget the Egyptians. We'll rename it and just pretend it didn't have a name before. But what would you name it? You'd name it something stupid. I wouldn't like to think I'd be in charge of allocating names to things. Or they would end up things like crab. What is this horrendous growth that's killing people?

What does it look like? A crab? Okay, we'll call it crab. Okay, deal. Let's break for lunch. Great work, everybody. So today's fact of the day is both the constellation, the star sign, and the disease are named after the crab.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do you know, I told you at the end of last week, I hosted a special screening of Avengers Infinity War. Yes, and the directors? Yeah, the directors, the Russo brothers, were on sort of a Skype system to answer people's questions. And have you got a part

in any upcoming movies? No. No, they didn't see me because the camera went to us, but we only sent sound back. Oh, that's the only reason is they didn't see. And like, this is the sales pitch, really.

Your face, yeah. Like, I only had a few seconds to talk. They were probably like, that's an amazing voice. Almost angelic. Do we have any angel characters to cast and then but had they seen

the sales pitch the billboard you know the shop frontage yeah like the rest of us they would have fallen for it yes yes they would have been drawn in

thank you they would have been drawn they would have been drawn right into it but no I didn't get myself a part but one of the things that came up while we were waiting

for these people and I was stood in front of the cinema full of people with a microphone in my hand and you'd be surprised to know I had to

really struggle to talk for the time there hold yourself back one girl came up from Hamilton especially for it to Auckland it was her ninth time

seeing Avengers Infinity War it's only been out for like two weeks or three weeks. I know. And just opened in China, by the way, and is now over like $1.6 billion worldwide. Good lord. Because, yeah, it was late opening in China,

but the Chinese are just into it. Wow. They're loving it and seeing it in record numbers. Yeah. But, yeah, she'd seen it nine times. In the cinema. Oh, yeah, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. She might have recorded it on her phone and watched it later. Terrible quality. Wow. But yeah, she'd been to it at the cinema.

This was her ninth time seeing it. Does that beat you, producer Caitlin, because you watched Pitch Perfect. Pitch Perfect 1. At the movies? Yeah, I did. How many times? It was nine times, so it was exactly the same times. You paid at the cinema to go and see it nine times.

So, here's the thing. I was in Wellington at the time. Yeah. And, like, some days, because I worked early mornings, some days I was like, my day is just being real shit. I'm going to go to the movies and watch Pitch Perfect and be happy about life. And then I took friends sometimes.

And then, but there's nothing that beats it at the movies. Like, sitting there. Yeah. Popcorn. I'd be the only one in the movie theatre singing along. Sometimes, and then, but there's nothing that beats it at the movies, like sitting there, popcorn. I'd be the only one in the movie theatre singing along. Did you have that sweet deal when you worked at a radio station that only broadcasted one city, you got free cinema? You got a free cinema card? Yeah.

Oh, that was good. I didn't want to tell you that, but yeah, they were free movies. Oh, so that's why you went nine times, because it was free. Yeah, but also because it was such a good movie. Like, I still watch it. It's free. It didn't win an Oscar, though, did it was free. Yeah, but also because it was such a good movie. Like, I still watch it. It's free. It didn't win an Oscar, though, did it? Yeah.

But that's because it should have. It just wasn't. That's because it should have. Have you seen it on DVD? Yeah. Okay, so how many times all up would you have seen that movie? Probably like 15, I'd say. What about Pitch Perfect 2 and 3? No, Pitch Perfect 3 I only saw 4 times at the movies

Pitch Perfect 2 I didn't very like that much But Bridget Jones Diaries I've watched like over 20 times Wow At the movies or it's a DVD and download I've only been twice

My max is twice to pay to go to the movies. But why would you not? It's like reading a book that you like. Like, just read it again if you really like it. Yeah, but I'll just give it a bit of a distance so it comes out on DVD or Blu-ray or something. Oh, I don't know how people read a book again,

the same book again. But if you like it, it's like, oh, I don't know if this analogy, no, this is a bad analogy. Go, go. I was going to say, it's like having sex with the same person. If you like it, just keep having sex with them.

Even if it doesn't take eight hours to have sex with someone, does it? And if it does, it's probably time to try someone new. You might not be in it for the right reason. Make it a little bit different. It's not exactly the same movie every time. Are you still talking about it? Are you allowed to have sex? I don't know, sorry.

How do you make it different? I thought you were only allowed to do it one way. Spice it up, Bourne. What? Maybe in five more years. I don't know, sorry. How do you make it different? I thought you were only allowed to do it one way. Spice it up, Vaughn. What? Maybe in five more years, I don't know. 13 years, we're still just regimented. Lying down with the lights out. Yes, please.

ZDM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online.