ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 16 2018

Episode Date: May 15, 2018

Mr Toyboy posted a photo on Insta last night now everyone thinks Megan is pregnant, it is the Grand Final of Food Fight - Kiwi Treat Edition and were you uninvited to a wedding?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Sparks. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. 10 out of 10. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. You have bad news if you fly around the country to go back and see the parents. Air New Zealand putting the flights up.

I'm sure we'll Jetstar follow. It's already more expensive to go to Nelson than it is for me to go to Australia. Why does it need to be put up more? Grab a seat. Just wait till they get notifications during the time. It's like, hey, you want to go somewhere for $39? It's like, well, not this weekend but Wednesday. On these days.

Oh, but I want to go for my birthday. I did wake up to an email. I don't know if this is coincidence, but they're having a 24-hour New Zealand sale today. Yeah, I saw that. I was like, hmm, put the prices up, have a sale. Good. Yeah.

I'd be just going to see my parents on a Tuesday. But sorry, work. Parents. Your parents are in Hamilton. You just drive there. Oh, yeah, but they just said it's the price of fuel that's going up, so I've got to go on a Tuesday. Sorry, won't be a work week Tuesday.

No, but I'm saying if I had to fly. Oh, right. But you work during the week, don't you? You don't waste a day off going home. Oh, I'm not taking a day off. I'm telling everybody I'm sick. Oh, right. Oh, right.

And then really restraining from posting on social media that I'm not taking a day off. I'm telling everybody I'm sick. Oh, right. Oh, right. And then really restraining from posting on social media that I'm not sick at home. I'm sure you're safe, though. You're not exactly going to post. I'm so sick, I pre-planned my sickness to go home to be looked after

by the one woman who knows me better than anyone else. Yeah. You still call mum when you're sick, don't you? Mum. Alright, you lot.

Listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines. Vordermagen, you pick one of these headlines. We'll delve into that story. Headline one, naked man blames snakes. Headline two, drivers offended after road sign hacked. Which reminds me, that would be the greatest birthday present

you could ever give me is the Auckland Motorway sign wishing me a happy birthday yeah but you wouldn't see it because you'd be you'd never go on the motorway in the morning I'd hire a car or get you to take me

oh just at like 5am does it have to be one of the overhead ones yes not one of the yellow ones parked on the side no

not one of those anybody can hire one of those I could set up a marathon and hire one of those or we could just change your name to like surface water because then it could be like

surface water beware. Yeah, then it's like warning. But it's not. Happy birthday, surface flooding. Surface flooding, happy birthday. Or it could be good

if every now and then it just did a flash up, hey, happy birthday because it doesn't even say a name. It's going to be somebody's birthday driving past.

It's going to make them feel pretty special. Yeah, why aren't they doing cute messages? Or happy anniversary. They don't want people dying, crashing, because the people are reading the message. Somebody's going to get mad brownie points if one day it just says happy anniversary, baby.

Oh, yeah. Like, put that up there. It's going to be somebody's anniversary. Yeah. Or like, sorry to hear about your granddad. Granddads are always dying. Some, like, broad sweeping messages. Almost like horoscopes. Yeah. Yeah. You're all like, sorry to hear about your granddad. Granddads are always dying. Some like broad sweeping messages. Almost like horoscopes. Yeah.

Or psychics. Or even just like, have a lovely day today. Yes. As you're driving to work. You look glorious. Sometimes the buses say that. Have a nice day. I'm like, thank you bus. Thank you. I will. Thank you. And the driver's like, it's okay.

It's like, not talking to you, dickhead. But seriously, look into that for me, because that would be absolute dream birthday present. Okay. Anyway, driver offended after road sign hack. That's headline two. Yeah. Headline three, pet dog becomes too much for family.

I want one or three, because obviously someone's hacked that sign. Yeah, I discussed the options there. Naughty on there. I forgot what one was. It was a naked man. Blaming snakes. Yeah.

And three, the dog becomes... Too much for family. Go three. I always find it weird when people are like, Oh, well, didn't work out. Who wants this dog? I know, me too. Did you not think about that?

Like, how can you not love it? I get annoyed at my animals, but I'm not giving them away. All right, well, Su Yun. Su Yun is from Kunming in China. She's from what? You watch your language, mate. You've just cost yourself your birthday sign using language like that on the radio.

Come on. It's the name of the place. I don't say you're from Morrinsville. What? What did you just say? Oh, but if Morrinsville sounded like weird in another language, I'd expect them to have a laugh. Megan, how would you say that?

Um, coming, coming, coming, coming. Coming. Coming. Coming. It's an N-M. K-U-N-M-I-N-G. Right. So I said it correctly. Kunming. Kunming. Kunming. Kunming. Su-Yun is from Kunming. Su-Yun. Su-Yun. Kunming.

Y-U-N. Yun. Yun. Yeah. She Su Yun. Su Yun. Kunming. Y-U-N. Yun. Yun. She's from the Yuan province. Anyway, a couple of years ago, her name, it's not important. Or where she's from. Okay. She brought a Tibetan mastiff puppy. Oh, yeah. They're cute.

Now, these are cute. They do. Now, they get very big. So after two years, it got a bit big. Right. And so they're like, look, something's up here. But, like, this is another thing that annoys me. Do your research on what dog breed's going to be right for you.

Yeah, it's not a secret that it's going to get big. I'm showing you a picture of the dog. It's actually a black bear. Oh, okay. Yeah, not a Tibetan mastiff, a black bear. They started growing suspicious when it started walking on its back legs. Was it aggressive towards them? It weighs 250 pounds.

Wow. Okay, so over 100 kg. She was surprised by how much the pup was eating, explaining that his daily meals consisted of a box of fruits and two buckets of noodles. A what? And a picnic basket. Why are they giving her two buckets of noodles?

She added, I'm a little scared of bears. The family bought the pet while on holiday in 2016. It's been identified as an endangered Asiatic black bear, which could have been sold. I was going to say, the bears native to that region are very rare. Well, yeah, it could have been sold on the black market as well for quite a lot of money. It's now been taken into care by a wildlife rescue centre.

Apparently, staff were intimidated by the animal, who can be seen in the video standing at over three foot tall. They sedated it before transporting it. Three foot's not that big, is it? No, that's when it's just standing on its back legs, surely. Yeah, if it's however many. Well, I mean, it's just a baby, isn't it? It's not fully grown yet, is it? It's two years into it.

I just looked at them as babies, though. You can still tell it's a bear. It still looks like a bear. Well, yeah, she's obviously stupid. And when it doesn't go woof, it goes rawr. Rawr. What's wrong with the dog? Rawr.

That's just what dogs do. Have you ever had a dog before? No. Have you ever had a Taboosian Mastiff? No. So what do you know then? That's just what they do. FM.

News came out the other day that a retailer, Smith City, has it all. Except payment for the stuff that go to the 15-minute meeting before work. That's what it turned out. So don't go then. No, because then you don't get the daily briefing. You get to kick up the butt for being late. This is what they're saying.

So they owe all these people all these thousands of hours of back pay. If you work there, so say you work in the store selling all the stuff for being late. This is what they're saying. So they owe all these people all these thousands of dollars of back pay. If you work there, so say you work in the store selling all the stuff on the floor. You started at 9am, for example. The store opened at 9. You'd have to go and be at work at 8.45. From what I believe, yeah. You would have to be at work for the briefing

15 minutes beforehand. So apparently this happened, this was a 15 year tradition. This is just how, this was a 15-year tradition. This is just how it worked. Yeah. And staff would be expected to come and they weren't paid until someone said,

look, should we be paid for this? And everyone else is like, yeah, you're at work. Yeah. And so they've actually- 100%. They've actually been ruled that they have to back pay a lot of staff.

I don't know if they have to go back 15 years, and if you worked at Smith City 15 years ago, you'd be entitled to any money? Maybe not. Just as someone with the last name Smith who has been to a city, I believe I'm entitled to some sort of financial remuneration. It has come out, and it has caused a lot of people that work at places all over the country to say,

hang on a second, should I be paid for this? Do you know what though? If that was me and they said come in 15 minutes early, I probably wouldn't question it. And then you ask someone else, oh, do we get paid for that? They're like, no. You'd be like, oh, okay. They'd have to tell me to be here 45 minutes early

because I'd be half an hour late for that, which in time would mean I'd be 15 minutes early. But you don't question it. Like if someone says no, then okay. And if you're starting a new job, you just want to do the right thing, don't you? You can't on your first day say, hang on, are we getting paid for this?

Because everyone else is here for free. Or everyone else is doing it. So when this got out that this had happened at Smith City, a whole lot of other people were like, wait a minute, that's what we do too. We should be getting paid. So now all of these businesses are kind of coming out of there, all these employees of all these different businesses are coming out

saying I haven't been paid for these 15-minute pre-work staff meetings for years. Supermarkets, fashion, retail outlets, all of these places. Everybody's favourite knick-knack, patty-whack, give a dog a bone shop, Spotlight, apparently they require a 15-minute meeting beforehand. So people on wages, if you're getting paid by the hour. By the hour. Yeah.

Or fill in a timesheet. Yeah, so by the hour and you fill in a timesheet for how long you work. You were not writing that 15-minute meeting on your timesheet. And they're saying it's illegal. Being lazy by nature, I would have questioned this a long time sheet. And they're saying it's illegal. Being lazy by nature, I would have questioned this a long time ago. Yeah, same. Being lazy, cynical,

and just generally a terrible employee. I would have been like, I don't know about this, man. I'd be like, why do you want me here 15 minutes early to tell me how to sell a television? Like, you just go out there and sell a television.

Has something changed in fabrics since yesterday? You two are the worst because we have a staff meeting. You're like, oh, just send me an email. Just tell me in person. Yeah, because there's a scientific fact, 99% of meetings could have been taken care of in an email that I would not have read. But it's morale. We all get together. It's not morale.

Everyone sits there like crazy. There's no booze. So to me, that's a nil morale event. Is morale... Is it necessity that booze be present for morale? Or snacks. Or snacks, right. Or like a platter.

Or a grazing mezze platter. See, if I was at one of these like Smith City or retailers and they had like a breakfast platter, I'd go for free. Honey, there were croissants. Yeah. Croissants. That's all it takes. Honey, if there were croissants. Yeah. Croissants. That's all it takes.

When did you start saying croissants differently? Croissants. When I became classy. I feel it's a recent thing. It's a very, it's a very recent thing. My friend, he worked in a business.

He listens to the podcast. Hi, Aubyn. I'm about to tell one of your stories again. He, he had a boss. Yeah. He would put five podcast. Hi, Aubyn. I'm about to tell one of your stories again. He had a boss that would put five pound notes in England on everybody's desk

and if they were there five minutes before they were due to start, he'd go around and collect them all. And it was a reward for like showing up early. So what, by the time they're supposed to be there, all the notes are gone? How useless were these staff that they weren't getting there on time?

They never clicked to it. I'd get there early and get everyone. That's what I thought. If they never know, they're never going to know. But then the boss is going to come out to collect them. You're going to be the only person there. The money's all going to be gone. He's going to be like, are you stealing from me? Oh, damn it. I didn't think about that. I'm out of a job, aren't I?

Oh, well. At least I've got 35 pounds. FEM. Tony. I haven't got about that. I'm out of a job, aren't I? Oh, well. At least I've got 35 pounds. FEM. ZM. It's only... I haven't got my countdown clock. Is it three weeks until we go away? Three weeks. Yeah.

Fletch, how many exact days? I've got a... I know there's 17 shows to go. I've got an app on my phone that counts down 23 days. I found a website that will count down but take out the weekends, so you can work out exactly how many days of work you've got to get next holiday. I don't know what it is

but I'll find a link, put it somewhere. I won't. Google it yourself, I'm not your goddamn internet mother. We're not in the departure lounge but we're certainly there, nearly. We're on our way to the airport. The next three weeks, we're on our way to the airport. I did my final payment to my travel agent yesterday.

And so, shut up. I love that you still, you've got a travel agent. Because I do it all myself. No, but you're assuming that I don't do anything. Like, I still look online for things. And then you go on and talk to them about it. Because Fletch these people are experts on like places you haven't been.

Like I know that you've travelled heaps. No fair call. So like you can ask them things. Don't scoff at me. But you go anywhere you go you use a traveller. You've got this lady. Yeah. She's your lady. Amy. She's your lady. She's the lady. Okay.

I'm kind of... Vaughn just lets his wife do everything. Yeah, she takes care of things. Does she ever go to anyone, like to a travel agent? Yeah, sometimes. 50-50? Yeah, no, I think it's just kind of like whoever's got it cheaper. Right, okay.

Like if there was a sale on it, any one place, you just go wherever. She goes there and then sees if she's got it cheaper. Right, okay. Like if there was a sale on any one place you just go wherever. She goes there and then sees if she can find it cheaper herself and if she can't she goes to them. I always just go to some person.

Online it's all cheaper isn't it? So my thing is like I'll go there and travel agents have like their companies that they deal with and so if you book

those hotels you get special deals. So you get free transfers or you might get a free massage or like... Or free nights. Free nights or like credit at the hotel. They do get the buying power, don't they? Yeah, but do you get that when... Breakfast.

Breakfast. You got me. But do you get that when you book online? You don't get any like special treats? Well, no, I don't get transfers. I just get to the airport and I just Google. And then I'm like, oh, God, and now I've got to pay for data roaming too. See? And then you get in a Thailand taxi and he's driving 140 clicks down the road.

You're like, Jesus, would you please slow down? There's nothing quite as... And then I'm at some factory buying something I don't need. And he's holding a knife to my throat. And I'm like, I should have got that transfer from the travel agent. Megan. Nothing quite as special as turning up at the airport

and they've got your name on a sign in a foreign country and they've spelt it a little bit wrong. Oh my God, I see people with their name on the signs. I'm always just like,

how do you get that? Mrs. Poopers or, it's like, close. Yeah, you tried your best. I admire that you tried, Poopers. Mrs. Poopers. Maybe they'd run out of A's. Yeah.

For their sign. Yeah, the little letters. Maybe they don't have A in their alphabet. For their sign. Yeah, the little letters. Maybe they don't have A in their alphabet. That can happen. Yeah, that's true. Like some letters are. Oh, yeah, yeah, true. Yeah, fair call.

Like in Hawaii, they've only got 12 letters in their whole alphabet. That's why there's so many A's and I's. Where are you going? I'm going to Thailand. It's all sorted. But, so I got Anya and Caitlin onto a travel agent too, and they bloody love it. We all go to the same person.

Are people still using travel agents, though? I feel like our generation's not. Half of this show is. What about James? Is that a yes? Yeah. What about you, James? The girlfriend does it, doesn't she?

I don't, yeah. You're a good man, James. I can see a bright future I can see I need someone to organise everything for me because it's way too stressful yeah and then

it's all just done in an itinerary and they know what to do and then they're so good and then they know like the places as well and my travel agent

like when I was booking for Kenya she'd been to Kenya so that was like excuse me my travel agent your travel agent that I stole

yeah it's the same one yeah and Anya it's like a one. Yeah. And Anya. It's like a bloody religion. Megan's hooked and she's getting her mates involved. It's like isogenics, but travel agents. Are you guys looking to lose weight but also go overseas?

That would be half... That's half of our show and half of our group. Yeah, and the younger half. Oh, no, James is younger than me. I didn't get the recommendation from James. You didn't tell me about this. Don't worry. You'll be at dinner soon.

And you'll get tied into it. But that's 50% of us. Like, I reckon we should do a poll. Because you hassle me about this constantly. Can we do a poll on our FM? Do an Instagram poll. Yep. Do an Insta poll.

I want to see how many people actually, especially younger people, use a travel agent. Because I think it would be more than you think. Oh, I hope it is. I don't know. I just thought everybody just did it themselves online. Did it themselves, yeah, but maybe not. No, but you still research online and then you take it to your travel agent

and they can price match or get a better deal. You've still involved, Fletch. You're so passionate about this, Megan. I'm going to put a poll up on FBM. You're just going in because of that giant world map on the wall. You still have a giant world map on the wall? Crikey, that was my favourite part about going into any travel agent. And we play a game like, where is Sri Lanka?

Yeah, and you'd be like, um, um, um. Is it the white one down the bottom? That's Antarctica. Ah, right. And that's not Sri Lanka. No. Yeah, and you'd be like, um, um, um, is it the white one down the bottom? That's Antarctica. Ah, right, and that's not Sri Lanka. No. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there.

The country's biggest salmon farming company wants $100,000 from taxpayers to figure out how to deal with thousands of tonnes of dead fish and all the fish feces. Oh, I would have thought that's part of kind of running a business is you've got to have your way of getting rid of your waste. Yeah, what happened to the salmon? Some of them just die. Oh, right. So this is just a thing that happens. It says in a document dated this month,

New Zealand king salmon identified thousands of tons of mortalities, and mortalities are in speech marks. Fish that have died in captivity or during transfer. Mortalities. It's like these are the fish that ask too many questions. We had to get rid of them. Mortalities. So previously they've been going to a landfill.

Yeah. But you can to a landfill. Yeah. But you can imagine a landfill stanky enough already. Imagine dead fish. There's no smell like it. No, it's disgusting. And then underneath where the fish swim around, every time they poo, it just falls. Now this is in the picturesque, beautiful Marlborough Sounds,

and I think one of the resource consents of setting up these things there is you can't leave an impact on the environment. And there's lots of poos. Lots of it. Underneath. So they're like, please, we need some money to clean up the poos. But we'll still sell our salmon in the supermarket for like $800 a bit. Bingo.

So I've come to the table with some solutions. Oh, you're a good man, Vaughan Smith. And a lot of them not only will get rid of the problem, but also make New Zealand King Salmon some more money. Okay. So I'm willing to accept payment in a weekly shipment of salmon. Okay. Both fresh and smoked.

You're welcome. Number six. On the top six things to do with thousands of tons of dead salmon and their poos. Make a whole bunch of rip-off Billy Bass's. Remember Billy Bass? You put him on the wall, you push

the button, he was like, Back to the river! Well, we make it, except we call it Sammy the Salmon. Yuck. Sings all your favourites. Smells like shit, but boy, can he build out the classics. And you know who I think we get to do the voice of? Sammy the Salmon.

Frankie Stevens. Oh, yeah. He'd be great. He sings New Zealand classics. So it's like, Cherumawanamore. Imagine that on the wall. Yeah, but that stanky face.

Oh, but he could sing. All the New Zealand classics he could have gone to, too. I was going to go ten guitars. Well, it has to be like old people. Yeah. It has to be old people classics. Okay. Some of the ones that buy tacky wall decorations.

Number five on the list of the top six things that are thousands of tons of dead salmon in their poos. Bloody burley, mate. Bit of bloody, bit of bloody burley, mate. Grind them up. Make poos. Bloody burley, mate. Bit of bloody, bit of bloody burley, mate. Grind them up. Make a bit of bloody burley, mate. Is that how burley is? Apparently salmon, great for the burley.

Oh, okay. Because it's oily. Make some bloody burley. Make some bloody burley, mate. What are they? Can you use them as bait? Like, can you freeze it and sell it as bait? Bit of bloody burley, mate.

Make a bit of burley. Drop it at the boat. Make a bit of burley. Bit of bloody burley, mate. You a bit of burley. Drop it at the boat and get a bit of burley. Bloody, bloody, bloody burley, mate. You know,

like burley at a freezer. Put it in a bag, mate. We're making a bit of burley, mate. I knew we'd get there. Good on, mate.

You want a bit of burley, mate? I got us some good, got some good salmon burley, mate. We're making with the salmon who, you know, can't keep their mouth shut if you know what I'm saying, mate. We're mucking with the salmon who, you know,

can't keep their mouth shut if you know what I'm saying, mate. But a bloody Berlin, mate. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six things to do with thousands of tons of dead salmon and their poo-poos.

Put them on the roses. Mum and Dad are always forever fertilising the roses with various species of animal shit. Surely salmon poo's got to be good. No, you've got salmon fermenting in your garden.

Yeah, but then bury it under the roses and the roses should cover the smell. That's why I picked roses. Right. If anything's going to mask the stink of a rotting fish and it's poo in your garden, it's going to be roses. Yuck. Number three on the list of the top six things to do with thousands of tons of dead salmon in their poos, squeeze them for oil. You know how it's always like the essential oils in salmon.

Yeah, Omega 3s. Omega 3s and stuff. So I don't know how this works, but I imagine it's the same way you get oil out of an olive. You just squeeze it. So we'll borrow some cold press olive machines and fill it with dead fish and then just wind the handle tight. Yup. That's exactly how it works.

And then you've got to fill up the little capsules and click them together. Yep. And you're creating jobs as well. Yeah. And I'll tell you what you do when you've squeezed that. I'll tell you what you can do with all the stuff that's not the oil. Make a bit of bloody burly mud. Bit of burly, bit of burly.

Make a bit of bloody burly mud. Put it in a bag, freeze it. Hi, Mark. I hear you want to buy some burley. A little bit. A little bit of burley? A little bit of burley. You want to buy some...

What's your voice? You want to buy some... Hey, Mark. You're having trouble with your memory. Because I've got a bit of omega-3 here. It's good omega-3. I'll tell you what else. Bit of poos for your mum's roses.

I'm your one stop for shop, mum. Stop. Oh, God. You hear this stupid voice off here all the time. Yeah, just walking through the marvellous sounds, you're like, God, this is good.

Hi, mate. Did you hear that? Hi, mate. Yes? You want a bit of bloody ball of mine? Okay, you're ruining the Marlborough Sounds. They're very beautiful. I'm not going.

Well, that's why. It's echoing through the sounds. Oh, no, I wasn't going to go fishing. I want a bit of mega three, mate. Stop. Just echoing through the sounds. Oh, no, I wasn't going to go fishing. Come on, a bit of mega threeman. Stop. Just echoing through the valley. Number two on the list of the top six things that have thousands of tons of dead salmon in their poos

is the 40-hour salmon. It's like the 40-hour famine, but you've got to spend 40 hours in dead fish. Are you raising money for a village somewhere? No, you're showing appreciation for the people who make the burley. Speaking of which. Do you want a bit of bloody burley, man? No, yeah, you raise a bit of money for the people.

And the number one thing to do with thousands of tons of dead salmon and their poos is milk the salmon colouring out of them and then dye some walking shorts into a lovely shade of hipster salmon pink. Salmon sells. Salmon sells. Hi, Bart. Look, if burly's not your thing, I can see here you're a man about pan.

I've got a pair of salmon coloured shorts, mate. I'll chuck in in You put them on Now check the pockets There's some omega 3 in there for you too Don't tell everybody They'll all want omega 3 But just for you Just a special deal

Just for you I'm having fun He's just a shark I'm having fun You're having fun And that's all that that is That you're having fun Look at her face Look at the faces of the producers What is going on?

Are you okay? Hi mate How's the omega 3 levels, mate? You need some Omega 3? Because I know I've got it. I know I've got it with some Omega 3. What is going on? I don't know.

You know what? I like you. I'm going to get you some Omega 6 too. And that is, as they say, that is today's top six. There's a new thing I want to talk about, and it's called platonic co-parenting. And this is growing in especially the UK because there is an agency called The Stork. Now, what platonic co-parenting is,

is basically having a baby with a friend. Do you have to pay for it, though? Well, if you go through an agency, you do. There's a £10,000 subscription fee. Oh, no, I mean for the baby, the ongoing upkeep, because don't you have to pay quite a bit more? Oh, yeah, they're not cheap. Yeah.

You do have to pay for the baby. Like their vet bills and stuff add up. Like it's still your child. Oh, children, yeah. Oh, no. I thought you meant someone would come to me and say i want a kid you'd be like here you go oh no that's the sperm that's just done that's just so dating a sperm this is yeah this is co what did you what was the title again platonic co-parenting

so some people go to this place and they get hooked up with someone who's going to be their lifelong friend and together they have a baby. What's the movie where this happens? There's been a couple of movies where this has happened. I feel like it was a Sandra Bullock movie. Wow, so this is people you don't even know. Yeah. I don't know. Oh, no, no, no.

I thought this was like two people that would be like lifelong friends but couldn't find love. No, that as well. I'm saying if you go to an agency, they can hook you up with someone who wants to do it. But also there are people who are like, well, I'm, and especially for women, it's a reality. If you get a little bit older, there's a point where you probably aren't going to be able to have children anymore. Well, Caitlin, you're always going on, aren't you, about wanting kids?

I know. Like, if I get to the age where it's getting to the end where I can't have kids, then yeah, of course, unfortunately. I would obviously love to be in a loving relationship, but if I have to be a single mum to have a kid, I probably would. Serious question, which you don't have to answer, and me asking this is not putting pressure on you either way, but I've heard a few people my age

who are freezing their eggs. Would you actually, have you thought about that and would you consider that? Yeah. I have and I've told a few people and they're like, Caitlin, you're like 23. Because what's the deal with freezing eggs? Because I thought you were born and they were all already in there. And they just fall out one by one.

No. Like a machine. Like a gumball machine. I don't know. Because that's the thing. It's my body and I don't even know. Yeah, I'm confused because then when I heard about freezing eggs I was like, oh, I'm obviously wrong because the body must be producing them. But as you get older, it

doesn't produce them as well. I think they produce them but yeah, maybe they just deteriorate when you get older. Maybe. It's like eggs in the pantry. And then when you get to a certain point, they just don't produce them anymore. I don't know. Well, like when you go through menopause, you get to a certain point, they just don't produce them anymore. I don't know. Well, like, when you go through menopause, you stop getting your periods. But would you do this with a friend? Um, ooh,

it would be so tricky. Fletch and Caitlin have a baby. What a great radio promo. People would tune in just to see how it was going. Fletch, I'd have a baby with you but you'd just be like, so

what's this going to be? No, I don't want a baby. Why does it cost so much money? We could call it like Zelda Marie and then its initials would be ZM and it'd be like the ZM baby. Zelda Marie! She wants

to have a baby but she doesn't want Zelda Marie. She doesn all I came up with. She wants to have a baby, but she doesn't want Zelda Marie. She doesn't want it bad enough that it gets named after a radio station. I just think it would get too awkward with a friend. Like, because, I don't know, I'll probably start having feelings for them because they were the father of my child. And then it's like, you'd have to be in a really good... Yes. But I think a friend makes more sense than going to an agency,

which is technically like a dating agency, but you're skipping all the steps straight to baby. But then there's no awkwardness because you're just like... No, but then you find out the father of your daughter's son or whatever is a loser and you don't like him. Yeah. And it's like, all right, time for the vaccinations. And they're like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That'll give them autism. And you're like, oh, shit. I've had a baby with an anti-vaxxer. Oh Christ. That should have been one of my first questions. If you're actually considering it, you're not alone because it's a growing trend.

It's a big thing. Last night, Mr. Toyboy put up a photo of what I just deemed to be a delicious beef wellington. I know. Isn't this, this is, it shows how we think. Yeah, men. Yum.

Yum. And the caption led to a little bit of drama, Megan, for you last night. Yeah, so he put up him making delicious dinner and the caption was, on the menu tonight, beef wellington for two. Yes, there's three pieces of meat I'm eating for two so Andrew Mr Toyboy put that up

that he's eating for two and he's a growing lad they need their protein they do and people I would never have thought I was just like

yeah boy you eat because my initial I saw this photo and I was like oh yum and then I read the caption I'm like well I'd have. And then I read the caption.

I'm like, well, I'd have two as well because they're quite small. That's all. And then I moved on. I'm flicking through the feed. Then I move on next. Didn't even cross my mind that people would think, oh, there's a baby on the way. And this is how they've announced it. Yeah.

That was my biggest problem was if that was the case, I wouldn't announce it via Beef Wellington. But then people do announce their baby news in all different ways. So there was multiple comments on this post being like, oh my God, congratulations. Are you guys expecting? This is amazing. Are you expecting? You better not be trolling us.

He's not. He's just going to sit down to eat two delicious Beef Wellington. He. Just meaning he's going to have a food baby, I think. So, yeah, not pregnant. Thanks for the concern. Everybody thought. But this isn't the first time. No. As soon as you get married, it's all on, isn't it?

Good Lord. Well, when you're together for a certain amount of time, everyone starts hounding you about when you're going to get engaged. And then you get engaged and everyone's like, when's the wedding? And then you get married and they give you a slight respite before diving straight into when a baby's coming. Then you have a baby and then they're like, yeah, I'm going to have another baby. Then you have another baby.

This is my experience. Everyone's like, you must be due to have your third baby. Are you going to have another one? No, I think we've done it too. No, you're not. Come on, you're keeping it secret. I'm like, no, I think. And then what do you get?

Are you getting a vasectomy? Is that the next one? That must be, I don't know. Right. After three or four, maybe it is. So having just got married, this happens all the time. If I don't have a drink, everyone's like, oh, you're pregnant. Oh, you didn't have a drink.

All the time. New Zealand. I don't have a problem with it because I haven't had any issues or like I just don't really talk about it. But for the women who struggle with that, this is why you shouldn't ask. Because if you say TikTok or like when you're having a baby, you don't know their circumstances. Well, they could have been trying for the last two years.

Been trying for a long time and they could have had miscarriages. So that's why you shouldn't ask. Saying TikTok to people is insane. Oh my gosh, I get that all the time. I think everybody knows their own body. They know they're aging. No one needs to be saying TikTok. And as you said, Fletch, you don't know the background

of what's been going on in their fertility. Totally. And what about those couples that just don't want kids? I feel for them as well because they just get it relentlessly. Because I know a couple of women who don't want kids and yeah, they get hammered with it. And I do, but I don't want kids and yeah, they get hammered with it. And I do, but I don't feel ready.

But then it's not really anyone's like business. But yeah, you constantly find yourself having to like tell people why you don't have a child yet. Why do you get in a line at a supermarket

and you're like, too many people. Thanos had a point. Half this line. But it's so It's so interesting That as soon as you Get married Although that's not

A proviso to having Children either these days But as soon as you Get married Everyone's like Oh looking for signs But is it just Is it like talking

About the weather It is so I mean it is weirdly Something to talk about Yeah I guess so But have another Sort of angle Right

To go on Because yeah as you say It's a weird thing to... And that's like you say, you put up Andrew's eating two beef wellingtons when he's actually not the one capable of being pregnant, so that makes sense. But anyway, I put a thing up just with

a picture of Indy in August and there was a gap in the middle and there was nothing. Everyone's like, gap for a baby! That's where the third one's going! I'm like, oh no, I just am terrible at spacing things. I didn't want them too close, so I put them a little bit. Yeah, and it's crazy. People will just, anything.

People will just latch onto signs. In fact, I'd really love to know if anybody listening, like two beef wellingtons for one growing boy, was enough that somebody took it as a sign that you were pregnant. Like, what did someone misconstrue as a subtle pregnancy, you know, announcement? Okay, well, let's take some calls, because once you're married, it's

all on, isn't it? I'm going to the doctor, mum. Oh, here we go. Yeah. I'm just an orange juice, thanks. Here we go. On Mother's Day, Andrew's family came over and he was like, she was like, have you got an announcement? Andrew's mum, have you got an announcement?

Oh my God. She's like, no, I'm clearing my throat. I'm clearing my throat. There's an announcement, it's a baby. Spread the word, ding dong, ding dong. No, it's just, here ye, clearing his throat. Okay, so let's take some calls and some texts. 0800 dials at M9696.

What made people think that you were pregnant when you weren't? FEM. We're talking about maybe something you did that made people think you were pregnant. Megan can't do anything at the moment without people saying she's pregnant. Breathe funny. You're pregnant. Oh, my God. Pregnancy gasp. she's pregnant. Breathe funny. You're pregnant. Oh my god, pregnancy gasp. She's pregnant.

So we want to know from you what you did maybe at some stage that had nothing to do with pregnancy that made people think you were pregnant. Some text messages in. I travelled to a work conference in Port Douglas. In fact, I believe we've got that person on the phone

there, Fletch, the bottom line if you want to go to that text message. The bottom line? I think they're trying to call, actually. Oh, they're trying to call. Okay. Go to a different text. Yeah, I'll go to a different one. I was wearing a dress one day,

and a girl's mum that I went to school with asked me if number three was on its way. I'm not a big person. I was like, ah, no. Oh, that's embarrassing. I'm not having any more, and that dress never saw the light of day again. Message through about somebody

that bought a new car and you had this as well Megan? Yeah so we bought a bigger car and the first comment was well is that for the babies in the back? No it's just because it happens to be bigger. I had a friend with two kids

and they bought a new car because their old car was rubbish and they bought a new car it was a bigger one and the same thing. Oh they're buying that because they their old car was rubbish. Yeah. And they bought a new car. It was a bigger one. And the same thing. Oh, they're buying that because they're having a third. And then it just started.

They're pregnant. Vaughn, ask them. Ask them. Everyone's like, Vaughn, you've got no shame. Ask them. I'm like, I'm not asking them. Alice, what did you do that made people think you were pregnant? It's literally gotten to the point now.

We've been married for about seven years. Okay. And I've just turned 30 and it's actually gotten to the point now where i can't even be home sick for a day without someone assuming that i'm pregnant or i can't go out drink you know i can't go with friends and if i don't feel like a drink then i must be pregnant or something like that right and you actually do want children is that something that you want in your future? We're kind of undecided at this stage, but I also have

like there will be difficulty if we do decide to go down that track. So how does that... So you got married quite young in the scheme of things. Yeah. So people just assume, I mean, that's what people assume, right? If you get married young, it's primarily because you want to have kids.

And you obviously got married young because you found the person you want to spend your life with at an early age, not have kids with. Yeah, well, we started dating when I was about 16. Right. Wow. And, yeah. So how does it make you feel when people ask you, like, when you're having children, are you pregnant?

It's frustrating. I think mostly because, I mean, yeah, we haven't really decided to go down that track at this present point in time. But it's because I know that I will struggle with, you know, with conceiving if we do want to have kids. It's kind of a little bit of a kick in the guts. Yeah. Right. It's just important to... So just another angle where we've been saying you shouldn't ask these people these things

because you don't know what people are struggling with. Yeah. But why is it people's default go-to? Like, did you ever do this before it was a problem for you? I have been... Actually, when I was younger, I've been adamant when I was younger that I was never going to have kids. Right. It was not going to be on the table.

Didn't like them, didn't like friends. You know, that's the thing. And then, yeah, you might, I'm not saying you have to have your own, you might have your own. I'm the same. I, like, really love my kids, but I don't have a lot of time for anybody else's. I have a niece now and a couple of

godsons and they're great, but I can give them back. Hey Alice, thanks for your call. Ricky, what did you do that made people think you were pregnant? I put a photo up of my dog on Snapchat and I was like, oh gosh, there's a mark on the carpet.

So I put the emoji of the paw prints over it, and then I put there my story, and no jokes. I got so many messages from everyone saying, oh, my gosh, is there a baby on the way? And I was like, what the heck? What, you're having a dog? Yeah, I must be.

What did they think? They were like baby crawling marks or something. Yeah, I think so. Honestly, I was like, what the hell? Like the pitter-patter of tiny feet. Not ones with paws. Oh, I think so. Honestly, I was like... Like the pitter-patter of tiny feet. Yeah. Not ones with paws. Oh, my God.

Yeah, I was like, what the heck? How did you get there? I was like, oh, okay, all right. I quickly deleted the text because I was thinking, oh, my gosh,

my mum's all that should die. Rikki, thanks for your call. Lindsay, what did you do that made people think you were pregnant? Went to a wedding, enjoyed the buffet a little bit too much.

Yeah, girl. If that's all it takes to get pregnant, I must be pregnant a lot. Well, yeah, and got asked by two family members and a friend when I was expecting. Oh, that's rude. To take a massive dump, maybe 12 hours. To make it worse, the boyfriend at the time actually couldn't have children because he'd had a vasectomy five years before that. So, must have been pretty good.

Right. Wow. What are you even supposed to say to that? I know. It's awkward, isn't it? Thanks, Lindsay. Some text messages. I always give up alcohol for the winter because I've got rubbish immunity

and if I drink, I get really sick. Okay. And every time without fail, someone will assume I'm pregnant just because I'm not drinking. Which says also a lot about New Zealanders and their drink. Doesn't it? I got married in March. I was in the office just yesterday and the boss said, are you cold? And I said,

yeah, I was warm before, but with that window open, I'm a little bit chilly. And he was like, pregnant? No. It's just, it's autumn. Breeze is chilly. It's getting cold. Yeah, someone fainted on a flight just due to exhaustion and the heat, and by the time they landed, there were

rumours that they were pregnant. Of course. There is a new device which looks just like a Fitbit but can help you to lose weight by giving you electric shocks. Like the dog collars? Yeah, pretty much.

But you wear it on your wrist, so it's not as degrading, I guess. But do you, so you know with the dog collars, you put it on your dog, and if it goes out of the boundaries, it gets a shock. Or if it barks. Or you can press the buzzer and it barks. It stops it from barking. Yeah. So this is the same sort of idea. You wear it as like a bracelet stops it from barking. Yeah. So this is the same sort of idea.

You wear it as like a bracelet, like a watch. Yeah. And when you are eating like sugary or fatty foods, it'll give you a shock. How does it know? Do you have to give it a bite? I actually don't know how it knows. But you can change it so it will zap you 50 to 450 volts. We plug into 240 volts, but it depends on the amps.

I think it's something to do with the amps or the... So yeah, you choose if you just want a little like, oh, don't eat that. No! Even a nine volt battery on the tongue's bad enough. That's all it would need to be for me. So apparently it's like a static shock. You know if you get something out of the dryer or something and it's like... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or you're on a trampoline and you rub your feet and then you... Yeah, it gets more painful depending on how high you turn it up. The only thing is, is that if you knew it was going to do it and you wanted to eat something, you could just take it off, right? Take it off, yeah. Take it off, eat it, put it back on and be like, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah.

Hey, how did you know? Because I just Googled this. You have to press it yourself. You have to... This is an example. The device delivers an electric shock. The idea is actually to shock yourself in a situation where you face temptation.

You may see a Chinese pork bun. Oh, damn, boy! Oh, no! So you may see a Chinese pork bun, for example. You really want to eat it. Steamed, of course. Of course it's steamed, Vaughn. Of course it's steamed. And so you press it.

In short, exposing yourself to an electric shock, you will start to associate an undesirable behaviour, eating pork buns. So it is 100% like a dog collar shock for dogs that bark. Yes. You'd have to give it to your partner. And then you'll be like, um...

No, but then you'll also despise your partner. Yeah. Because they're shocking you. Yeah, and you'd have it on and you're going for like the last pork bun and they're like, not today, but oh... And you're like... And then they grab it and eat it. Yeah.

Ramp it up to the 550 volts that's available. Not the 50. That's just a little tingle, isn't it? There's no way you're going to shock yourself because if you want to eat it, you're just going to eat it, right? Yeah. It's like Fletch with MyFitnessPal. You just eat chocolate but tell MyFitnessPal it was an orange.

Yeah, I found a glaring loophole in MyFitnessPal and I'll tell you what, it's really working for Yeah, I found a glaring loophole in my fitness pal. And I'll tell you what, it's really working for me. But the message is you and it's like, weigh yourself. And you're like, no. No, but I just lie with that as well. Someone at my fitness pal HQ is like, do-do-do-do-do-do.

And I'm like, hold on, I've got an alert. A man surviving purely on oranges, but he's not losing weight. In fact, he's gaining quite a lot. What's happening here? And he's written in weight. In fact, he's gaining quite a lot. What's happening here? And he's written in here he ran 84 kilometres in 24 minutes yesterday. So I'm just going to need to check what's going on here. All right.

At eight, your chance to win cash with double date. $200,000 up for grabs. Spires next. We can't keep up. Megan Markle's dad has changed his mind again. I've got all the details on this next. And apparently no hospital has record of him ever having a heart attack. Who knows?

What the hell is this family as trashy as? You can see why half of them aren't invited. I want to tell you about a study now and this has been done on both sides of the Atlantic. The Danish did this. It's been backed up by America. And it's also been gone over by MIT,

which is where Matt Damon did the chalkboard solving of maths puzzles and goodwill hunting. It's legit. It's legit. Okay. It's a pretty legit study, and it's about the second born, the second children. Okay.

Which is Megan. That's me. Myself. Yeah. I'm also Megan's second but youngest. I'm second but middle. Okay. Which is Megan. That's me. Myself. Yeah. I'm also, Megan's second but youngest. I'm second but middle. Yeah. Caitlin's second but middle.

Anna is second but youngest. And James, you're second. Second. Second and middle. And youngest. And I'm the oldest. Second and youngest. Yeah.

You're the oldest. Okay, so this doesn't apply to you. But obviously, if we're looking at this sample size, oldest is cutest. See? And the seconds are most willing to let you have that. Okay, right. We're most willing to lie.

Okay. So second-born children are monsters. Oh, I thought this was going to be a monster thing. What do you mean? No, it's negative. It's negative to the second-born. It's geared against us. It's geared against us. It's geared against us.

We are, on average, the worst behaved in the family. Oh, okay. Because I was going to say, Fletcher's a bit of a grumpy, but he's very well behaved. He never breaks the rules. No, no. But your brother would be a rule breaker? Yeah, sure.

Yeah, yeah. Rule breaker, risk taker. Are you more of a rule breaker than your older brother? No. But your brother would be a rule breaker? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah. Rule breaker, risk taker. Are you more of a rule breaker than your older brother? No. Similar? No, he's better. He's like, never wears a seatbelt. I always religiously wear my seatbelt.

But I bet you're always narking on him. Oh, 100%. Of course, always nark. Of course. So they did the studies about- Why does he not wear a seatbelt? I don't know. Who doesn't not wear their seatbelt? No. That the studies about... Why does he not wear a seatbelt? I don't know. Who doesn't not wear their seatbelt?

I don't know. That's weird, eh? Who doesn't wear a seatbelt? I know. He's got multiple fines for doing it. Really? It's like a safety justice. I pulled out of a service station once and was doing it up

and a cop pinged me and I got a ticket and I was like, good sir. Good sir. I am a regular seatbelt wearer. But put it on before the car starts moving. Apparently, that's the rule. See, I'm real fastidious with that. So they looked at second-born boys a lot.

And second-born boys were 40% more likely to be involved with the juvenile justice system than the first-borns of the same family. Well, you're lucky because you escaped quite a few criminal convictions, didn't you? I think you skiddly-deed out of there. I'm greater to skiddly-dee

as a side with skiddly-dee, but I was easily 40% more likely than my brother. Even though he got bit by a police dog and hit with a baton at the New Year's riots. And I never did. That was a crowning moment of glory For a young Vaughan Smith

Whose parents always assumed he was there And I'm sure I was there But I was standing on a barrel right at the back Yelling charge But in no way anywhere near the danger Oh I miss those Spongamata riots It used to be such a great New Years Now there's a bit too much litter

And they cancel the events. We used to really just tip cars over. I wasn't at that one. Oh gosh, if a car had gone over, I would have skiddled he did. Right on. So 40% more likely is a second born, especially boys, especially boys. Now this is also reflected in school suspension rates.

40% more likely to be suspended than their oldest sibling. So if the oldest boy gets suspended, it's very likely that the second at some stage will face suspension. Right. Truancy rates though, so wagging school, the same. Okay. Pretty much the same between first and second. Now

when a girl was added to the mix, delinquency rates dropped considerably, which is another reason, not, not, no, no, no, not. Not me. not the second being a girl, when an additional sibling was. Yeah, sure. I mean, the girls don't get mentioned as much as the guys and even second born boys.

But when there was another girl added to the mix, delinquency rates came down. Did we tone you down? So that's lucky that I had a little sister or I could have killed somebody. Right. From what I'm reading on this. Right.

So what's, what's the... The cause? If we take anything out of... Testosterone. It's not. It's actually the parents' fault for giving the firstborn

too much time but not giving the second the same amount of time. Oh, you know, and you know, this problem's going to be worse in like five, ten years when all of these

secondborn kids are going to grow up and see that they didn't get as much love on their parents' Instagram feeds. Instagram, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, you made a big hoo-ha about my older sister when she was born, but what about me? You posted one photo.

And that's why I burnt down the family badge. And the New Year's riots. Which we got started again after they sounded like so much fun on the radio. Hey, calm down. I think you can be done for inciting a riot. I didn't incite anything. I skittled your date right away from this whole conversation. A classic second time.

Second born skittledy date. Sociologist, who knows what he's talking about because he's a sociologist. He worked for Tinder and now works for Bumble. He has revealed the one little tidbit that you should have on your profile, your dating app profile, that will get you more swipes. And this is apparently something that people are doing wrong.

A lot of people don't have this number one thing. Yeah, and it's a really simple thing. So, Vaughn's got Caitlin's. It's Bumble, right? Yep, that's what I've got open here. You've given up on Tinder, eh? Tinder is... Stephen Tindall,

ex-CEO of the warehouse. He's branched down to online dating. I think it's just like a hook up app now. Bumble's just like actually people that want to have a relationship. Which one's the one? Is Bumble the one where the female has to initiate? Yes. Which is always really hard, but I just do the wavy hand. Like, hurry. Now your turn to initiate. Yes. Right. Which is always really hard but I just see the wavy hand

like, now your turn to speak. Wow. So you can have a look. I'll tell you the one thing and you can have a look at Caitlin's app profile and see if she's doing it.

I can see everything you're doing. So there's no more to it, right? What are you doing? There's these photos and then, oh, she's added a recent one because that's from Radio Awards last week.

So she's got a recent photo on there. That's good. Okay. And then I just click on that and it just says, oh, I see you're using your association to me to try to get your ads. No, I put my job on there. I work for Vaughan. I did not say that.

I probably should add a like profile. Megan does make it into the second picture. So that's all there is to this Bumble profile. Yeah, because I never wrote a bio. A big bio. Okay, well what is it? I can see pretty much everything, then I'll tell you if it's missing. So the one thing you should do does actually involve your pictures. Okay.

And this guy says the most common mistake people make in their dating profile is actually really simple. There aren't enough photos of you smiling. Smiling, smiling, smiling. So you should smile. Oh, Katie, nailed it. Smiling with a tongue out, but that's definitely like the...

That's cute, yeah. The mouth is in a smile shape. Yeah, it shows that I've got a good tongue. Smiling at children and smiling. All five. All of your photos are smiling that's good nailed it

she doesn't have problem with bites she gets bites all the time yeah that's not the problem she's a fussy fisherman you're a fussy you're tagging

and releasing you know what you need burly I don't get that muddy in that little bit of burly mud it's a throwback

to earlier in the show, Caitlin. Yeah, I know. When you were doing that dumb voice. I tell you what will get the boys coming in is a little bit of salmon burn in my head. So apparently... How do we get that from you? Because of all models and everything,

you know, Calvin Klein models and everything, they do like sexy... Smizers. Yeah. We think that that's sexy, but most people aren't actually Calvin Klein models. So most people find other people attractive when they smile. But a lot of people do the pout as well, though, don't they?

Yeah. Duck facey pout. Yeah, but you probably just look better if you're just genuinely smiling. Okay, just smile. Because you look more approachable, friendly. That's what you need. At least one photo of you doing a genuine smile. I've delved a little deeper into Caitlin's.

And then at the bottom it links to her Instagram and there's a photo of her sitting under a mosquito net in Thailand while she's at the Survivor. Yeah. Not smiling. Yeah. We need to get rid of that. You need to delete that photo, Caitlin.

I was trying to be endearing. You know what I mean? Is that the word? I was trying to be like, look, I'm a normal person. You look like you're being lost from us. You're supposed to walk. Well, I wandered away from my group. And then the word I should be like look I'm a normal person This blanket I can see through this blanket On us you've got a photo here with your brother, and you're like, growly face at him. Because he wasn't smiling.

Well, you're not smiling either now. You're growly facing at him. But you're smiling in the majority of your photos. Well, there's no pictures of me with a dog filter on, so I think that's a... Well, yeah, that would also be a no-no. Yeah. All right, so number one tip. Smile in your photos.

Oh, we've got a match. Go, go, go. FEM. The Royal Wedding this weekend. By the way, Caitlin, we're about through our commemorative Fletch Vaughan and Meghan tea towels. We thought we ordered these. Oh, yeah.

Meghan, Harry, Fletch Vaughan and Meghan. Yeah, no, so Danny in our promos area is organising them and she said yesterday that they should be here today or tomorrow. Well, on Monday she said they should be here on Wednesday. No, I know, but you know, well, you're dealing with other companies. Oh yeah, but we've got the Royal Weddings this weekend.

No, I know. We can't have commemorative... As soon as we have them, we'll give them out. We want people with those tea towels in their hands while they're watching the Royal Wedding. Oh, I want to use mine to have... I'm going to do a pins jug this weekend because it's a bit of an old lady Nana thing in the UK.

Very much so. And the Queen loves Pimms. But what are you going to do with the tea towel? Like wipe the outside of the Pimms jug? Yeah. Or like make one of those cool knots through the handle of the jug. Oh yeah, people do that. You can make hot scones and put the tea towel under the scone.

Oh yes. Yes. Oh my God. Midnight jam and cream scones. I was going to say, can you eat scones when you're drinking, though? You can do anything you want. You can do anything you want when you're drinking. I don't know if that's a rule.

You can do anything. I don't know if that's a rule. Apart from drive and operate heavy machinery. So whether or not Meghan Markle's dad will be there, we don't know. Whether or not he's actually been uninvited or those are just rumours. But we want to know from you, if you have had to uninvite someone from a wedding or if you've been uninvited from a wedding yourself. Some juicy goss and stories coming through.

Some text messages. Do you want to go calls or texts first? Texts. A couple of warm-up texts. Yeah, let's warm up first. I was uninvited to my best friend's wedding where I was MC and best man. Ouch. At the stag do,

I got into a boxing match with the father and the brother of the bride. That'll do it. That'll do it. That'll do it. That'll get you uninvited. But if you're their best friend,

you would assume that they'd known them for a long time. They'd know the dad and the brother. They're a mongrel. Somebody else said I was uninvited

to my best friend's wedding because her parents are Jehovah Witnesses and me being gay was against their beliefs. They said they didn't believe in gay people. They're like, you can touch me if you like. I'm quite real. I'm quite very real.

Well, that's sad though, isn't it? Wait, so it's because their parents didn't believe? Like unicorns. Yeah. But that's when you just tell your parents to stick it. They're your friend. Which is ironic given they'll believe in something they've never seen, but they won't believe in someone who's literally standing right in front of them

and will probably kiss a guy to prove it. Yeah, true. I had to invite somebody for talking. Oh, no. Yeah, someone said I had to invite someone for my wedding for talking in a creepy voice trying to sell me salmon-based burley and Omega-3. What are the Marlborough sounds?

A great callback to two hours ago. Yes. Great callback. Thank you for listening to the show for two hours. Chelsea, you got uninvited. But in saying that, yeah, you guys did a little omega-3 for me. Chelsea, you had to do the uninviting. Yeah, I uninvited my parents and my brothers and my whole family.

Now, you're inviting the people that, did your parents pay for any of the wedding? No. Oh, okay, fair enough then. What did they do to uninvite your whole family? They just would never put any effort in with us, and they told me that they couldn't afford to come up. Oh, well. They were spending their money like crazy rich people,

and they only live a few hours away, so I cut my losses. Why the lack of effort on their behalf? What's the story? Did they not like the guy you're going to marry? They're stoners. Seriously. Oh, you should have told them there was food. Like shakes and burger rings and stuff.

They don't reel them right in. Yeah, just bowls of munchos on all the tables. That's sad, though. That's sad. So when did this happen? Not long ago, actually, and we get married in less than two weeks. Oh, right. So you get to get married married and you've just recently uninvited them. Yeah.

Did they reach out after you uninvited them to apologise or? They told me that they wouldn't have come to someone's wedding that they don't care about anyway. Oh, my God. Chelsea. That is terrible, Chelsea. Better off without them. Yeah. Yeah. You can terrible, Chelsea. Better off without them. Yeah.

You can pick your friends. You've got a few spots. What have you got? Yeah, how many places have you got? I could walk you down the aisle if you want. We could have met. If there's food, we could be there. I always say, Chelsea, if you paid for those spots.

Yeah, do you need a bridesmaid? Because I am free. That's good, yeah. We're going to walk down with the kids and my partner. Oh, do you need a bridesmaid? Because I am free. That's good, yeah. We're going to walk down with the kids and my partner. Oh, that's fair. I mean, I'm a little insulted, but I can kind of understand. I guess

your children that you birthed are slightly more important than it is. I'm on the radio who just wants to bring some salmon burley to somebody's wedding. Thanks, you're cool, Chelsea. Laura, you got uninvited? I did, yeah, and I was bridesmaid as well. Why? What did you do?

So I was working 85 hours a week kind of minimum on the lead up to the wedding. So I wasn't really getting involved in all the bridesmaids' chat like, oh, my God, what kind of dress should we have? And my friend thought it was quite suspicious. So I was logged into Facebook on her phone. Right. And she went through all my messages and went back quite a few months to a message with my sister because her and her fiancé had been together

and breaking up and together and he'd cheated on her, and I'd made a comment, and I was like, oh, my God, they're getting back together. This is such a mistake, and she read it. And, yeah, I got uninvited. And the ironic thing is, they only lasted for a year because he cheated on her again. That was my question, and so you

were vindicated. Sweet vindication! Why don't you save all that money that you spend going to someone's wedding, don't you? Thanks, Laura. Leon, you were uninvited. I was, as best man. Why? Because I'm short and the maid of honour didn't want to dance with me because I came to her breast level.

No, but... Leon, little... Why were you uninvited? Totally. And so you were uninvited. You weren't just cut from best man role. You were gone completely. I was cut as best man.

I did go to the wedding, but as a onlooker. Oh, babes. I made the joke of motorboat. Wait, so when did the motorboat joke happen? Before you were ex-nayed or after? While we were talking about the dance. So, right, you made the joke, and then after that you were gone. Yeah.

She doesn't know your sense of humour? No, she doesn't. Yeah. No, she didn't. The bride did, but the maid of honour said no. Wasn't feeling it. She wasn't feeling the motorboating. Sorry to hear, Leon.

Thanks for calling. I meant motorboating's not for everybody, Leon. Have a great day. All right. Thanks, mate. Some text messages in. I, the bride, uninvited one of the groom's really good friends after he tried to kill, his own words, one of the groomsmen,

who was my own brother-in-law, at a party before the wedding. Right. So, I mean, if that's pre-wedding shenanigans, you can imagine it's going to get right out of hand on the actual day. I was friends with the girl for years and years, had a close-knit group, and my partner became friends with her fiancé, ended up being asked to be a groomsman. Her and I had a falling out prior to the wedding.

I got the boot from the list, and my partner got to go. Oh, what? Wow. Ouch. That's a real purposeful dig. Yeah, but then, like, as the partner, what? Ouch. That's a real purposeful dig. Yeah, but then, like, as the partner, what do you do? Really? Yeah, you don't go because you've got to support your partner.

Yeah, but, like, free booze and food and stuff and the chance to get a good Instagram profile pic while wearing a suit you didn't have to pay for, you know? I won't be long. I'll leave after dinner. I'll leave after dinner. I'll leave after. I'll just end the speech and then I'll be home. I'll leave, yeah.

I'll tell you what I'll do when I'm there too. I'll give you some goss. Give you some goss about that bitch, I will. It's her wedding day. I'll get you some good goss. My friend was un-bridesmaided because she teamed up with someone else at uni for a group project.

The bride felt she was purposely excluding her, so got her revenge by excluding her from the wedding. What is wrong with people? Wow. You get a bit emotional in the lead up, you know? Make bad decisions. Yeah, yeah. But is it worth losing a friend over?

Not really. But then you're obviously a terrible person if you're doing that, aren't you? Yeah. Somebody said I had to uninvite my cousin as she demanded a plus one. She said, oh, my invite didn't say plus one, but I'm bringing one anyway. Tracy, you go through boyfriends every four weeks. You're not bringing one. Tracy, I'm only inviting you because my mum told me I had to.

So you're not getting a plus one. So the cousin went crazy and demanded to see the guest list on who could have some guests cut so she not getting a plus one. So the cousin went crazy and demanded to see the guest list on who could have some guests cut so she could bring a plus one. Oh, wow. And I was like, step down, Tracy. Step down. And then in the end it got bad and I ended up culling her from the list entirely, uninviting her from the wedding,

only to find out that she'd also been uninvited to her best friend's wedding due to these sorts of antics. She's a problem, isn't she? Tracy's a problem. Nothing but a handful. If you do have a wedding coming up, though, Vaughan has a lot of salmon to offload. What? I don't want to

go on about it like a broken record, but I got a few Omega 3 tablets too. You need a bit of salmon oil in your life. Good for the brain. Good for the memory. And of course, my salmon burly's gotta go. Fact of the day day day day

day. Do you know this fact of the day came to me last night when I opened up the spice drawer. Oh you, okay the Queen of England over opened up this spice drawer. Oh, you? Okay, the Queen of England over here has a spice drawer. When we did Renos, it was the one thing I demanded in the kitchen because our friend Alice had one.

I was like, oh Alice, I simply must. I simply must ask your permission to copy this aspect of your kitchen. I know you asked. You don't ask. You just do it. Did you think she'd be upset that you got a spice drawer because she's got one? No, I think they take it as a compliment. I was going to do it regardless, you think she'd be upset that you got a spice drawer because she's got one? No, I think they take it as a compliment.

Like, I was going to do it regardless, but it's a polite thing. You say, oh, would you mind? I'm just, I love this idea. Because it's like the cutlery drawer, but it's really long, and it's got like molds for all the spice racks. But the problem is you've got to, like, you can't buy the boxes of spice. What do you buy? The cheap boxes of spice. You've got to buy like, you can't buy the boxes of spice. What do you buy? The cheap boxes of spice. You've got to buy the greeks jars.

The jars. And there's only, is it Master Foods is a bit long? Oh, that's annoying. There's a good size. I mean, it'll fit in, but you've got to give it a push. Well, if they change the shape of their jars, you're screwed. Screwed. Absolutely.

So what I do is I buy the expensive one in the glass thing once, and then I buy the cheap ones and just fill them up. Yeah. Better living, everybody. That's good. I've even got a little funnel. Oh, that's good. You see my cute little funnel?

Does it look like you're, like, cutting up weed? It looks like I'm doing some sort of drug transaction into smaller baggies or whatever. Yeah. But, yeah, I've got a cute little, I'll send you a photo later of my cute little funnel. I mean, I could live without it. I want to see it.

It's really cute. If I ever do renovations, I'm getting a spice drawer too. I've got a spice merry-go-round. Oh, yeah, they're quite cool. They're like a spice carousel. Listen to old 90s over there. She's got a coffee tree mug too. I'm sorry.

I have to be able to take it with me when I move rentals. Mr. Oda House. Why don't you just buy a house? Have you not seen the avocado she has every weekend? Oh.

Wow, you can't have it both ways, millennial. Oh my God, thank you for calling me a millennial. Compliments. You're nearly out of that bracket

so enjoy it. So when I opened it I was like, where do you all come from? Spices. That was my vibe. Okay. I saw this yesterday. Spice trading.

New Zealanders don't, we don't grow any spices, right? My mum does in the backyard. Basil. Herbs. Herbs. She grows herbs. Oh, not spices. I beg your pardon.

Yeah, I know. So I'm like, where do all the spices come your pardon yeah I know so I'm like where do all the spices come from and I know spices Morocco spices used to be just wait

the big thing that people traded like trading the spice trade was the spice girls are actually named after the spice trade

little known fact little known fact yeah there was the spice roots the spice boats the spice traders and the spice girls yeah brilliant named after the girls that used to trade spices yeah There was the Spice Roots, the Spice Boats, the Spice Traders, and the Spice Girls. Yeah.

Brilliant. Named after the girls that used to trade spices. Yeah. So spices were like a currency. And I was like, where do you all come from? Because there's so much spice, but I've never seen it being grown. Okay, good call. So where does all the spice get grown?

And that's what led me to today's fact of the day. 75% of the world's spices are grown in one country. India. India. Yeah. India. Gross. That reminds me, we've got Curry Club on Friday.

Speaking of spices in India. Yes, we do. Yes, we do. Are you RSVP'd? I have not yet RSVP'd for Curry Club. Because my problem is, back to spices,

when you go like, so I went to the floating markets in Thailand and you can buy massive bags of like saffron, which is really expensive in New Zealand. Yeah.

Nightmare to get home. Yeah. How do you get it home? You can't. You can't. You can't finger it into a cavity. Saffron of a bottle.

Yeah, you've got to, we know you're smuggling drugs. The trouble is with saffron. I'm not smuggling drugs. It's saffron. It gets yellow, so like once it hits moisture. You wouldn't want it to burst. Yeah, so then you have a yellow butthole. We know you're smuggling saffron because we can see the yellow leaking from your butthole.

Like Mr. Happy. You're going yellow, spreading from the butthole to the rest of the body. So India's first, to put this into perspective, in metric tons, India in 2011 produced 1.5 million tons of spices. Their next closest competitor was Bangladesh, and they only did 139,000. So less than a tenth of what India cranked out. But I'm going to go to India now and just see the spices being grown.

Anybody came? I'm sure there'll be a YouTube club. Bingo. But much easier than travelling. Did I just save you? You just saved me thousands of dollars and a lot of time and the hours convincing my wife why we need to go on a holiday to India. Yeah, okay.

To see the spice fields. So today's fact of the day is India produces 75% of all the spices in the world. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Rations couldn't handle the heat of spicy tomato manchos. Oh, this is rigged, rigged! The original cream egg was beat by a tasty chocolate fish. Yeah, chocolate fish! A tub of jelly tip was more goody-goody than the gumdrops. They get stuck in my teeth!

And kiwi chips and dip were more cheery than Cheerios. Oh, I'm really upset that they lost. Now, we're at the grand final. Well, we are here, New Zealand. We're at the grand final of Food Fight, the Kiwi Treats edition. It's all done via our Instagram, FVMZM. It has been a long road. And we've had some incredible

foods just get eliminated straight up. Yeah. Right from the word go, they were being eliminated whenever they lost. I want to remind you one of our finalists started against the humble pie from the dairy. That's right, yeah. And

demolished it 80% to 20%. And from there, it's just been pin your ears back and run, boy. For the hot chips. Hot chips has beaten everything by a country mile. Hot chips, after that hot chips took on the chip sandwich, which was the first round

victor by miles. 83% of people said, I prefer me hot chippies in a pottle to whatever the equivalent is in a sandwich. So then Hot Chips took on Munchos and betted 88% to 12%. Munchos had done so well in the competition. Munchos had done so well in the competition. Munchos had done really well. Then Hot Chips demolished another chip brother, taking chips and kiwi dip out of the competition 64% to 36%. Now that was the closest anybody came because

the fundraiser sausage fell to the mighty Hot Chips as well. 65% of people voted for Hot Chips. So it's Hot Chips in the final versus a Johnny Come Lately in the form of the Cookie Time cookie. The Cookie Time cookie tagged in as a late wildcard

entry. And it smashed its first round. It won its first round. It did very well in the first round, beating Jelly Tip, which had been a very strong contender. Jelly Tip ice cream. Very strong contender. And that was a two litre tub by the way, not just the one on a stick. I know. Cookie Time won that one. Then it took on Pineapple Lumps

which had been, again, strong. I thought Pineapple Lumps would have been one of the finalists. It was close. 48% of people voted for Pineapple Lumps, but Cookie Time Cookie, 2%. 52%. So it takes out the victory. So now here we are at the grand final and it's time to go to FEMZM

on Instagram and click on the poll, because every day we get heaps of messages, people being like, I'd like to cast a vote for Chips, please. You've got to go on the story and click on which one. It's magic. Who knows what half of that thing you've clicked on

and then it'll tell you where the voting currently stands. Now, we started, we put this up at 8am this morning and it may be a little one-sided. It's more one-sided than I would have imagined. At standing right now, after nearly 4,000 votes, Hot Chips has a monstrous lead. 76% of people saying Hot Chips in a Pottle.

A little Pottle of Hot hot chips has got my vote. We love hot chips, don't we, New Zealand? 24% are voting for the Cookie Time cookie. I cannot see the Cookie Time pulling that. Even if the Cookie Monster came out, the big red cookie. The Cookie Muncher. The Cookie Muncher came out. What came out?

And said, oh, he could come out. Well, he's got rainbow stuff. I think he's all good. I think he's all good with the community. I don't know if he's. I meant he could come out and do a plea to people. I think he's all good. I think he's all good with the community. I don't know if he's... I meant he could come out and do a plea to people. Like, you know, vote for me. Oh.

Rum, rum, rum, rum. I don't think legally he's not allowed to make the rum, rum, rum noise when it comes to making cookies. Is that too close to the blue one? Yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum. Yum, yum, yum. Can't sound...

I love cookie. Can't go anywhere near that. Okay, can't do that Right No Okay Well I mean he could come out today And do an impassioned plea

But I don't know if it's going to be Enough to beat the humble Kiwi Kiwi favourite hot chips It's been unstoppable Vote on our Instagram FBMZM And I think like we did with McDonald's

You know when we did the Fast food edition And McDonald's won with the Cheeseburger Cheeseburger We put on a We put on a shout We went to one I think we've got to do something like this Definitely Are we just going to do like Food edition of McDonald's, one with the cheeseburger. We put on a thousand dollars.

We went to one. I think we've got to do something like this. Are we just going to do like 5,000 scoops of chips? Yes, Megan, yes. I think the nation would just smash them too. We might even get to the point where they get to the end and eat the little brown crispy ones. Just because you're that hungry. You're like, wouldn't normally, but I will.

I will today. All right, you can vote on our Facebook, FBM, ZDM. No, Instagram. Sorry, on our Instagram. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, catch them every weekday from 6. It's a weekday, but the week end.

ZDM.