ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 18 2018

Episode Date: May 17, 2018

We a live with our UK correspondent for Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's Wedding, Swipemares and Community Notices.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Sparks. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. 10 out of 10. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan, Megan and Laurel. Laurel. Laurel. What's that saying? Oh, God. What did you just hear?

Laurel. Oh, yeah. It was Laurel, eh? I heard Laurel. I've only heard Laurel. I've only heard Laurel. I thought I heard Yanny. Last night, I had my PlayStation headset on, and I was playing Fortnite, and Sade was two and a half, this is, I've broken it down, two and a half meters away to my right, listening to it on her phone loudly,

but her phone speaker was muffled against her jersey. Yep. And that was the first time I've heard anything other than a hard laurel. Did you hear yanny? I yammy. And I was like, what was that? And then she pulled it away and it stopped working. So I think I might have almost kind of heard it.

Well, Caitlin and I were at dinner last night with a group of friends and one of them hadn't even heard what we, didn't even know what we, didn't even know what we were talking about. We were just like, how do you not know? They were like, who's Lauren?

I'm like, no, Laurel. And then I was playing it to him and he was just so confused. He was like, oh my God. It's a weird thing to get into when everybody else

has been talking about it for ages. You had a couple of guys upstairs yesterday were filming Media Scrap and they were like, I don't know, what are you talking about, mate?

I was like, you guys are supposed to be like internet people. They're like, nah, don't know, stupid. It was on the news last night. I know. That's ridiculous.

Even in the news story, I was like, Laurel and Yanny and Yanny and Laurel. Like both. I think we're done with it now, aren't we? Yeah, I've had my fun.

Can we write it off? It needs to die, I think, pretty quick. My favourite meme, though, is've had my fun. Can we write it off? It needs to die, I think, pretty quick. My favourite meme, though, is the spelling bee meme. Have you seen that? Ah, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just saw another one as well, and it said, Laurel called, she wants her dress back, and then it's a picture of that dress,

which is black and gold. Yeti old day now. Brilliant. Yeah. Pretty, pretty good. Alright, Friday's show will kick off Friday Jams 9am this morning. Vaughan, you're packed for Friday Flashback

this morning. Yep. At 8 o'clock. You've got no idea, do you? No idea at all. You have to start researching a song. An absolute banger. Kate Hawksby wants to know what time we want to talk to her about the Royal Wedding. I reckon after 7.30 let's go to London live after 7.30. She is calling us loose and unprepared.

As two other radio shows have inquired. I'll say, let's say 7.40-ish hour time? Yeah, let's say 7.40. I'm going to say with wiggle room. With wiggle room. That's what talk show hosts love to hear. And don't call us loose. Say that also.

Don't call us loose and unprepared. We're prepared. I've been called far worse already today. It's only 6am. Yeah. I know. Better wait for a little while though. Okay, fair enough.

I'm prepared to be called worse again in the next 10 minutes. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news stories, three headlines that I've found from different websites, news organisations around the world. You pick one headline only, the

others are deleted electronically obviously to save the trees. Headline one, parents criticised over new children's ride. Headline two, bizarre scenes in peak hour Toronto rush hour traffic, or commute I peak hour Toronto rush hour traffic, or commute, I should say.

And headline three, wanted man tries four times to hand himself in, but station's closed. Well, those are the headlines. I mean, the last one's obvious. He's gone to hand himself in and it's not happened. Four times, though. Yeah. That's good. I mean, you go once, that's quite. Well, I to hand himself in and it's not happened. Four times, though. Yeah. That's good.

I mean, you go once, that's quite... Well, I'd just go once and say I tried. Yeah, and then watch Get On With Life. Yeah. And when they do catch up with you, be like, hey, look, here's a photo of me outside the police station with the day's paper. I don't know if that would work. When I tried to hand myself in,

but, you know, you guys were there. I was just Googling the Toronto one. What are you doing that for? Well, it wasn't as gripping as the other headlines, so I was just going to see if I could quickly find what that one was. You could do the Toronto one and we'll have the other one then. We'll have the non-Toronto. Good luck finding that Toronto story.

Yeah, it's proving difficult. Yeah. All right, we go now to Indonesia, where shocking footage has emerged of a new children's ride, and parents have been criticized widely for this online. You'll see here the footage of the children's ride. It's a giant python. It's children riding a giant python.

Oh, my God. And they're pulling faces as they ride. They're loving it, by the way. They just sit on the python and the python scooches along. Yep. And obviously people are like, well, I mean, they can eat an entire human. But they don't do it quickly, though. It's not like cobra rides, like a one wrong move on a cobra,

lightning quick strike with deadly venom. No, but once it decides it wants to strangle you, like you can't just pull it off someone. But it's the kind of ride, like as a parent, I mean, I don't have kids, but I imagine as long as you're looking at them every five minutes, you'd be able to rescue your child from the death grip of a python. You might want to cut that five minutes down by two.

Four. Down to like one minute. Yeah, or just yell at mummy if the snake starts wrapping around you. Make a loud gasping noise should you start being strangled to death by the snake. Sure. Wow. But yeah, that's really all there is. Here's another photo here.

There's the two children on that. It's a giant python. That's a huge python. And it's almost like half a foot wide, so they're quite small children. It's quite. And it's almost like half a foot wide, so they're quite small children. It's quite a good figure. It must be muscly, though, to still move with those dudes on it. Well, I guess, can they move when they eat a giant...

Well, I mean, they use their body to constrict and strangle things, you know, much larger than themselves, so they would just be one. Big muscle. Big muscly machine. Wow. And the kids are just having a ride. Yeah.

That's really all there is to that story. I can see two kids. Did there used to be three or? Well there is a giant lump. They were a family of six. Oh god. The lumps. The lumps little Karen. I would love to see a python eat like a goat or something.

Oh go to YouTube. I'm sure you goat or something. Oh, go to YouTube. I'm sure you can see it. Oh, yeah, there it is, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've watched. I thought you meant like go somewhere and, like, you know in Jurassic Park where they lower the cow and the T-Rex eats it or the latest Jurassic Park, they hang on the shark and that other thing comes up and eats it.

I thought you wanted, I was like, it'd be pretty slow though. It'd be pretty slow going. You'd need some popcorn and a chair. Yeah, you definitely need a lawn chair. Maybe you'd like a good playlist. Yeah, just have some snake eating music. All right, 12 past six. Coming up at eight o'clock this morning, our double date.

$200,000 on the line. And I'll tell you next what your mum might be smuggling in her brie. Cheese? Yeah. Okay. What mum smuggling in her brie. Cheese? Yeah. Okay. What mum's popping in the middle of her cheese? As I said, her wine and cheese. Okay.

F.E.M. If your mum spends a long time looking at the cheeses at the supermarket, I'm talking the nice cheeses, your brie's, your camembert's, your blue vein. Oh, mums love a good cheese ball. Yeah, Havati. Tea. Cheese. Yep. Well, ball. Yeah, Havati. Tea. Cheese. Yep.

Well, mum might be up to no good. A new trend in the UK is extra cheese. What? Extra cheese is one of the names that this goes by. Right. Mums, this is middle-aged ladies in their 50s. You've got to remember These were the ladies Who were probably

In the prime of their party life In the 90s club scenes Right okay When you know drugs were just Very prevalent Yep And now they're sort of mums Yeah

They've raised their kids Maybe the kids have left home They're ready to party now Or the kids are older teenagers These ladies Are turning back to their 90s drug times, and they're putting MDMA inside bits of cheese and eating the cheese. And then how long does that take to kick in?

Why don't they just take it? Because is this a fun game? Like, when is it going to kick in? I think it's like a time bomb. Yeah. They eat the cheese, because that's the thing. You probably couldn't chew the cheese too much. Is this a fun game? Like, when is it going to kick in? I think it's like a time bomb. Yeah. They eat the cheese. Because that's the thing.

You probably couldn't chew the cheese too much. Are they on wine as well? Are they doing wine and cheese? Well, I don't know. Right. I can't speak to their alcohol intake. Right. I don't think you should do drugs. But you certainly shouldn't drink and do drugs.

You don't double down on that sort of stuff. But yeah, I think it got to a police report because maybe somebody had to go and see an ambulance because they were freaking out a bit. And there's been a couple of similar reports since. So they're saying it's a worrying trend amongst middle-aged housewives. We have to start taking brie and camembert off our mums. Off our mums, yes.

Are they doing it at a party? Or are they just making dinner? Yeah, get-togethers. No, no, no, like a wine and cheese. Right. Like a get-together, not like a wild party. It probably turns into a wild party. Yep.

I was just worried mum was at home, just slipped one in her brie. Oh, she might. When she's making dinner. She's quiet. She's got a bit of free time on her schedule. She might do that. But that's like crazy. That's how I get my dog to take pills.

Put it in a cheese. Oh, I put it in a little bit of cheese and the dog just doesn't question cheese. They just wolf up the cheese and the pill. And now you can do the same with your mum. Crazy though, right? Well, that would be a good idea if mum didn't want to take her meds.

Just put it in some cheese. Hide it in their can of beer. Like some heart medication. Yeah. You could totally hide it in cheese. And that's the thing, people, this article that I read about it, and there's multiple articles about it, if you're worried about your mum. Yeah. And her drug cheese habit.

You, all of them have written throughout it, I promise you this isn't like a satirical article. This isn't a joke. This is a legit news article. This has actually been a reported problem. Wow. Pop an MDMA inside your cheese. FVM, the podcast.

Now we said just before it was Hamilton that this story had come out of, but no, it's not. I can see where we got confused because last week, Hamilton's strip club, Calendar Girls, the old building for it was destroyed and in fire. Right. At midnight.

And then this is a different Calendar Girls. Now, I don't know if it's one sort of like franchise of Calendar Girls or it just so happens that Calendar Girls is a great name for a strip club. Right. Even though, you know, what is it supposed to make you think of the days of the month? I don't know. So at the moment, the calendar I've got in the garage at home is a dog calendar. Oh, okay.

It's a charity one and you buy it and it supports dogs, but it's like pictures of dogs in it. I've seen the firemen out collecting on the streets. Is it calendar time? No, it's till we leave the calendars. Do you think they burnt down Calendar Girls because of the competitive element of? No, it's till we leave the calendars. Do you think they burnt down calendar girls because of the competitive element of calendars? They're like, stop doing calendars. They're our thing.

We've got a controlled fire. We are fire people. We know how to control an out of control blaze. Right. No, this is a different calendar girl. So this apparently happened in Christchurch in a former stripper, dancer, exotic entertainer. Yeah.

I don't quite know the right word. I got flustered when I said stripper. I was like, I don't know if that's the right term anymore. Yeah, what is the right term? Professional dancer. Entertainer. An on-stage, semi-closed, progressively less closed entertainer. So an entertainer has come out and said,

it's not exactly a glamorous lifestyle, to which I was like, go on. You're right. Go on. I wouldn't have thought so. But she said, you know, she had a little other choice financially and said they had various fines.

So the girls who danced there, the calendar girls, could get fines. Now, they're saying this isn't the case. Right. Calendar girls are saying this is not the case. But there's a list of fines that this person's like, well, here it is. Here's what I was told. Do you want to know some of the fines? Yeah.

So if, like, there's some bam, bam, bam on stage, and then the guy at the microphone is like, ladies and gentlemen, next on stage. What? Just say me. Oh, you want to be invited on stage? Yeah. What's your stripper and gentlemen, next on stage. What? Just say me. Oh, you want to be invited on stage? Yeah. What's your stripper name?

No, no, that's up to your interpretation. What would your stripper name be? James, what would your stripper name be? Anybody got any stripper names for Megan? Isn't it supposed to be Megan? No, Megan's not your stripper name. You're not. The judge is out of interest.

You seem like you've got one ready to go. We were just talking behind the scenes about strip clubs. Isn't it supposed to be your first pet and your first street? So I'd be Flick Freiberg. And then that's your porn name, but it works. It works well. Freiberg. Yeah, girl.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the stage your next answer this evening, Flick Freiberg. And then let's say there's silence. Yeah, I'm like, flick, fly, burr. Flack. Flack. For flack's sake. So that's called a missed stage spot. And that would cost you $50.

What if I was in the toilet? Doesn't matter. You should have gone ways beforehand. I told you to go ways before. I didn't need to go then. Yes, well, you've got to be on stage soon. Wow, really? Late showing up for works, $100.

Okay. Inappropriate dress, which I find a fascinating thing to find a stripper for because they're taking it off anyway, so it doesn't matter what they're wearing, surely. Is that like a puffer jacket or something? But then some people find puffer jackets sexy. Like Catman do employees. And people who move from Auckland to Dunedin to study. And everyone in Wellington.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, that's very appropriate. It might be cold outside. Yeah. $500 fine for intoxication. Yeah. Which is kind of fair enough because you don't want someone upside down on the pole if they've had a few too many G&Ts

because they'll slip slide right down. Yeah. Well, especially health and safety. Yes. ACC levies for a drunk pole dancer. Good Lord, you could break your neck. Well, I hope they're paying higher ACC levies than me. They're more likely to hurt themselves than I am.

So if you just didn't show up to work, it was $250. So you'd be better if you were boozed just to not turn up because then you'd get fined $250 versus $500. If you walked out, $500 fine. But what if there was something inappropriate happening? If you just walked away from the situation. That's a $500 fine. $50 for hanging around in the changing rooms

for an unacceptable amount of time, which seems very subjective. $500 fine. $50 for hanging around in the changing rooms for an unacceptable amount of time, which seems very subjective. $200 fine for rudeness to patrons or management and a 50% tax on tips. Okay. So she's put up a photo of this. Yeah, it looks like it's a screen cap. Right, okay. It's certainly not typed in this article.

It's a photo of a screen cap. And so they're saying that's not screen cap. Right, okay. It's certainly not typed in this article. It's a photo of a screen cap. And so they're saying that's not the case. She's like, this was the case. Yeah. So who do you believe? Because is that legal to, like, fine? Because then Vaughan would get fined for turning up late. Well, if we had fines, yeah.

Being rude to our boss. Oh, I'd be intoxicated too. Well, we were all intoxicated on Friday, last Friday. This time last week. Doing the show. So there's a $50 tax for all dancers if there's multiple complaints through the club. Really? How would you feel about that?

Like you've done nothing wrong, but you're... And then people complaining about it. We're like... Well, they're not complaining about you. They're complaining about whatever James' strip name is. Oh, good. Just out of interest, James, what was your strip name? Well, what was the thing?

I didn't actually have a predetermined strip name that I thought of. First street you lived on. So pet name was, my cat was called Chucky. Chucky. And my street was Petheg,

which is kind of, it's a bit formal. What's that? What was the last one? Petheg Place. Petheg. So you'd be Chucky A perfect place. Perfect. So you'd be Chocky Perfect.

Yeah. It's actually a bloody exotic sounding strip now. Okay. Wow. I'd be Charlie Old Te Arawa. Fletch. We'd all be terrible strippers. What would yours be? So what is it?

Your first pet and your first street you lived on. Like bubble. We had two cats, Bubbles and Squeak. Oh, my God. I like Bubbles. Well, it depends what your street was to me. It was, what was it? Waka Witte Street.

Oh, people are going to be expecting you to be. Bubbles Waka Witte. Yes. Quite exotic. That's quite exotic, hey? Or Squeak Waka Witte. Bubbles and Squeak Waka Witte. You could be exotic. That's quite exotic, hey? Or Squeak Waka Witty. Bubbles and Squeak Waka Witty. You could be a duolack with your brother.

Yes. Bubbles and Squeak Waka Witty. Oh, God. I'd get so many fines. You'd also get a $100 fine if you didn't wear a G-string to work. And all dancers must be completely naked for the whole of the second song and the duration of the tip round

right tip round you get tips keep the tips away from oh you get tips I'll take those tips money

I tell you what Bubbles Waka Witi would clean up in the tip round Bubbles Waka Witi some would say Bubbles Waka Witi is all about just the tip the top six with Vaughan Smith.

Well, imagine my shookethness when I read on my local Facebook page that somebody had found prescription medication in the bottom of their McDonald's sundae. Allegedly. I'm not buying this. No. I feel for Maccas, actually. Nobody working there is like, like Oh I'm just going to Chuck some pills

In this sundae What were the pills Do we even know No I don't know I didn't see a photo of them And there was no like What they were But it was called

Prescription medication Wouldn't they be disintegrated By that time If they were in the bottom If they'd been in there For a while I had a friend Who worked at McDonald's

And I said What's the deal with the sundae And he said Well it definitely Didn't like squeeze It's way out of the machine Because that's soft serve. Because it starts as liquid, doesn't it?

And then, yeah. And I think they checked it, didn't they? They checked the soft serve machine. And there's no trace of it. They humid them enough to look. Yeah. And there's cameras in there. Yep. So no one's going to be able to, like, sprinkle some pills and then put ice cream over the top and then put

some chocolate sauce on top. I really need to know what's going to happen. It is, I tell you what, the Teatro 2 Facebook page is lit up. Well,

this is your local Mac. It's lit up. God, your community. Somebody, one of the comments on it was quite beautiful. It was like,

I knew it. They made me wait 15 minutes for nuggets. I knew it. I knew they were no good. I knew they were, I was like, it's a big difference

between having to start the deep fryer to cook nuggets versus someone putting prescription medication in a sundae. Yeah. So I really need an answer

and hopefully I'll get it. But in the meantime, these are the top six West Auckland sundaes. Brilliant. And I don't want anyone to try any of these as a legal disclaimer.

This is primarily for the cause of humour and alliteration. Yes. Because we all love alliteration. Number six on the list of the top six West Auckland Sundays. Cookies, cream and crack. Okay. I don't know anything about crack, but it went really well with cookies and cream.

I had a cookies and cream, Krispy Kreme yesterday. I saw you went to Krispy Kreme. I only went because you... You fat slut. How did you get out there with no car? At the weekend, you put it up and I was like, God damn it, I have to go now. I know.

That place is like a crack house. You will put it in your labor and... All right, man. All right. I'll just have four. You went when they were making the donuts. I know. I didn't get to see the conveyor belt doing its thing.

Oh, it's magical. Did you go by yourself? No, I just went with a friend. Oh. Oh. Donut date. Donut date. Cool.

Cute, though. Anyway, we'll find out more about this for you. So, yeah, number six, cookies, cream, and crack. Number five on the list of the top six West Auckland Sundays, French vanilla Viagra. Oh. Yeah. Okay. Have a little ice six West Auckland Sundays. French vanilla Viagra. Ooh. Yeah. Okay. Have a little ice cream and then after have a little pudding.

If you know what I'm saying. No, no, no. Slam. Have you ever kissed anybody straight after they've had ice cream? It's quite nice kissing a cold mouth. I don't know if that could lead somewhere. It's a bit weird. But it's not bad.

Caitlin, have you ever kissed someone when they've just had a mouthful of ice or anything that made their mouth like an ice block? I don't know, Bourne. That's weird. That is the weirdest question I've ever been asked. Oh, I'd like to kiss someone after they've had a grapefruit fruit juice. Oh, like for a little bit of tang. Yeah.

Because then you get the cold and the tang. Yeah, okay. Okay, guys. Now we're talking. Now we're getting somewhere. I'm not going to name a French vanilla Viagra after all. Now we're on. Number four on the list of the top six West Auckland Sundays,

M&M and MDMA McFlurry. We've already heard about the mums putting the MDMA in the brie cheese. Yeah. I mean, it obviously goes very well with dairy. Number three on the list of the Toffs X West Auckland Sunday's triple choc-chunk tramadol. That was genuine. Megan was excited for the tramadol and then the chocolate.

You've had too many pain medications and operations. Oh, yeah, when I had my hip surgery, it was the Tramies. But you haven't been on it? No. I haven't heard you've been on the Tramies since, which is good. No, because it's a serious painkiller. It is. It's really addictive.

People get really addicted to Tramadol. It's dangerous. It strips your stomach, doesn't it? Yes. It gives you a sore tummy. Yeah, so don't do that. Number two, again, all of these. I don't want anyone trying any of these.

These are primarily for alliteration because they sound funny. Yeah. In fact, I'm semi-regretting even this being the top six now, but I've dedicated myself to it, so I've got to see it through. Number two on the list of the top six West Auckland Sundays, maple walnut meth. I love maple walnut. Okay.

It's straight up one of my favourite ice cream flavours. Not meth. Okay. No. Never tried meth. No up one of my favourite ice cream flavours. Not meth. Okay. No. Never tried meth. No, absolutely no interest in meth at all. Like flavour. Like rum and raisin.

But I've always... Oh my God, I love rum and raisin too. You're a dad though, so... But I've always loved dad flavours. Ever since I was a kid, my favourite ice cream growing up was French vanilla. And people were like, oh, have you tried Goody Gumdrops? I'm like, it's nice, but it's not every day. It's not for me.

Just weird. I'm a kid. Can I have a rum and raisin, please? Sir, you're seven. I say, get me a goddamn rum and raisin. Get me your manager. And the number one West Auckland Sunday, which is where you mix prescription medication with ice cream, but don't.

Yeah, this is, again, just for liles. Just for names. Hokey Pokey Prozac. Oh, wow. Yeah, just for names. Hokey Pokey Prozac. Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, the Hokey Pokey already makes you happy enough, but the Prozac's just making you forget all your worries. Yeah. Again, don't try any of these.

Yeah. Don't try any of these. And if you've got any inside information on the current West Auckland McDonald's situation, then I need to know, because this is my local. Hit us up. That's today's Subsection. If you're a Harry Potter fan, this could be for you.

A cruise company, but not your traditional like big sea cruise boats. This is more, my parents have done one of this and my in-laws have done one as well. Riverboat cruises. Massive in Europe. Massive in Europe. And getting bigger because all the canals and the waterways were all built as transport lanes for goods and services

before the rail, before the road, before trucks and everything. It was a traditional way of getting things around. And now they're kind of dredging them, revitalizing them, and they're being used purely as sort of a leisurely way to see the countryside. My parents did one in France. And they'd be on the boats and they'd get off during the day

and they'd cycle. They're weird looking canal boats. They were really long, aren't they? Long and thin, yeah. Because the canals aren't always very wide. You go through locks and stuff. It looks awesome. You can do them all through Scotland

and England and then down into Europe. I was going to be stuck on a boat and rather do a big cruise because at least then you've got like a cass and got a cassie and a big buffet. Casino and a buffet meal. Poland. You know, some of them have Hydra slides and movie screens.

But my parents got to drive their boat. That would be pretty cool. That would be cool. That would be pretty cool. And then you can stop at the markets and there's like little jetties and docks and everywhere you can stop. Well, there's a Harry Potter one coming. And it's going to be part of Barge Lady Cruises in the UK.

And it's going to be Harry Potter themed. Right. And they stop, apparently, this canal that you go down, passes by eight Harry Potter film locations. Right. That's pretty cool. Do you have to wear a costume the whole time? I would imagine your Harry Potter

fanboys and fangirls the people of the fandom would probably be very much inclined to wear their Hufflepuff Ravenclaw Slytherin

or Gryffindor yep um outfits robes etc etc there'd be lots of Harry Potter discussion

I'd imagine some at these locations these filming locations the recreating of scenes yeah etc might be a bit full on that's the thing I'd imagine some, at these locations, these filming locations, the recreating of scenes. Yeah. Etc. Might be a bit full on. That's the thing, I'd like to see all the locations and stuff. Like, I'd be into it,

but like, the hard outs would probably kill it for me. Or I'd kill them halfway through the cruise. Yeah, you know, enough. Expelleramas. Yeah. What is the deadly one? I don't know. I can't remember. It's been a long time since I read a Harry Potter book. I only remember Wingardium Leviosa. That would make everything levitate. Yeah. What is the deadly one? I don't know. I can't remember. It's been a long time since I read a Harry Potter book. I only remember Wingardium Leviosa.

That would make everything levitate. Yeah. If that was your one Harry Potter spell, I'm getting off this cruise already. Can I levitate them off the boat? I'm done. You're not going to be very good at getting rid of them. The only thing you can do is levitate. They'll have some more spells up their sleeve.

But yeah, if you're a massive fan, you're going to be able to do it in England. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening on your local Facebook pages. Yeah. Kind of a temperature check of the nation, if you will. Let's start with this little situation.

I believe maybe it would be pronounced Yuki. Yuki Lee. J-U-K-K. Why? Yuki? Yes, sure. Yuki? Has toilet rolls for sale.

It's an urgent sale. Okay. 100 rolls of toilet paper for $39. With paper on or just the rolls? No, no, no, with paper on. What quality though? I've got that answer in the next sentence Two ply, soft and good quality

Okay Need to go, big mistake in ordering I've got 1,000 packs And actually there's a picture of it And it looks like a pallet load Oh no How do you mistakenly order a pallet load? Too many zeros?

Oh, God. Too many zeros? If you have big families, buying in the supermarket will rip you right off. We also supply for restaurants and nurse housing. So any more details, inbox me. But two ply. It's a soft two ply. I'm a little fussy.

I'm a long roller now I'll never Yeah, I'm a long roller too Ever go back now Because I go back To your normal toilet What do you mean a long roller? The long roller

The extra long rolls Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Oh, they're brilliant You've got to have the right Toilet roll holder for them though Yeah A lot of people Old school toilet rolls

Aren't made for an extra long roll Well, to be honest When I do start my long roll I've got to like Just kind of caress it through Oh, because it gets A little tight against the wall Well, to be honest, when I do start my long roll, I've got to like just kind of caress it through. Oh, because it gets a little tight against the wall? Well, if it's out of shape,

if it's not perfectly round. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It hits against the wall. But yeah, it's good. They last way longer than you normally want. You're not talking like a long, long roll

like a public toilet, like a work toilet roll. No, no, no. Because the quality of those papers, terrible. Is that like one ply? Yeah.

I think it's just your hand when it goes through the paper. Yeah, it's just creating the thinnest barrier possible between your butt and your hand. Yeah. So if anybody's after a 100 toilet rolls for $39, that's pretty good. $0.39 a roll. Pretty good.

To the Why Maddie discussion group now, and we've got some old school Why Matty bartering going on. Okay. Tim's posted. Is anybody interested in swapping a bag of frozen mince for carrots and broccoli? Maybe some eggs. Have one or two bags surplus that I'm happy to swap. Okay.

So Tim there's looking to swap some meat for some veg. Maybe some eggs. Yeah. Sounds like someone's got a stir fry sort of situation going on. Yeah. A bit of mince in the pan. Everything else is going in as well. So if anybody's in Y Mate.

Y Mate. Mince. Mince. Get in there. And veggies. Yes. Monce. Monce.

Love a bit of monce. This next one, somebody posted. It's actually a printout that was put into their letterbox. Okay. But it was uploaded to a community page. So it's kind of like a community notice then put on the community notices.

Need work done but too lazy to do it yourself? I say it like that because it's in capitals. And it's in bold. Very large. My name's James. I use $2,500 worth of data on my mum's work phone and I need to pay it back.

Uh-oh. I'm strong and reliable. I'm 14 and I'm keen to work. Oh, that is pretty cute. Mum's standing over James and just typing this. I can do cleaning, dog walking, garden work or any other around the house chores. Please help me get back on my mum's good books.

Over this winter, sit back, relax, and let me do the hard work. Call my mum to discuss. And then the phone number. He took up $2,500 worth of data on his mum's work phone. Wow. What was he doing? Was he hot-spotting? And then on the laptop.

Maybe. He ran some updates. Yeah. Maybe. God, could updates. Yeah. Maybe. God. Could you imagine mum's fury when that bill came in? Because mums amplify fury. Like if she got in trouble at work.

Yeah. It would have been, he would have got it five fold. Yeah. When she got home. They are the amplifiers of fury. Mothers. Mothers. Mothers.

Amplifiers of fury. It'd be a good title for a book. It would be. Yeahothers. Mothers. Amplifiers of Fury. It'd be a good title for a book. It would be. Yeah, it would be. Renee wrote on the Christchurch buy, sell and trade page that she's got a 150 litre higher, you know that brand? Yep. Higher for sale.

Doesn't say what it is. What would be 150 litres? A fridge? A small fridge? A freezer? Yeah, I mean, small freezer. Maybe like a bath. That's a lot, really, 150 litres for a fridge, isn't it?

But it doesn't specify what it is. Okay. It just says a high 150 litres for sale. Need gone today. Offers. No time wasters. And then Sean pops up in the comments. Hi, I'm Sean.

I saw you on the Christchurch singles page. I don't have Messenger anymore. Here's my number. Please text me. Sean's coming in for something entirely different. Sean. No, Sean. It's not the right time.

She literally ended with no time wasters, Sean. Well, he doesn't want to waste her time. He wants in on some time. Well, no, he has been pretty direct and to the point. He hasn't mucked around even pretending to show interest in this higher fridge, bar fridge, fridge freezer situation. He's just gone straight for the kill. Did she reply?

No, no word. No word if they've sort of found love, even though they were both obviously on Christchurch singles at some stage before Sean ditched the messenger. Yeah. But yeah, it's out there. It's happening. Okay.

If you see a post on your local Facebook page that tickles your fancy, like maybe your local McDonald's is experiencing a little bit of slander in their Sunday department, such as on my local Facebook page, you can screen cap it and send it to our Facebook page. We are FVMZM on Facebook. ZM. I'm often accused of being a tight ass here at the show. Oh, you are.

By members. Terrible tight ass. I do. I often stand accused. Well, an expose of sorts coming up. To prove that I'm not as bad as people think. Okay. Have you spent some money?

In comparative to others. Have you spent some money? Oh, I love it. You know, me and money. Me and money. I love getting rid of it. Right. Last night, producer Caitlin and I went out with some friends to dinner.

Caitlin made a discovery on Uber Eats. Why were you went out for dinner? Were you looking at Uber Eats? You're out for dinner already. We made the joke that our food was taking ages. Yeah. It did take a while. Like half an hour.

How long were we talking? Like the normal time it takes food to come but we were real hungry because... Well we ate breakfast at like 5 and so lunch at like 10

and then dinner needs to be at like 4 and we were there at like 7.30 and we made dinner. We made our friends come out at 6.30 and they wanted to have

dinner at like 9 so it was a compromise. Oh normal people. Normal people hours. And we joked and so Caitlin got out the Uber Eats app just to, I guess, see how long it would take. But also because I just love looking on, like when I'm hungry, I'll just like open up Uber Eats. And I'm just like, I don't know.

I just love looking at all the food on there. But get this, get this find on Uber Eats. This is, this is what Caitlin found. Jenny Craig. Meals. Jenny Craig is on Uber Eats. What do you mean? Coffee meal packs

includes breakfast, lunch and dinner. All meals are frozen. So they, you can order frozen meals on Uber Eats and you still have

to microwave them. So they give you breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack and they tell you how many calories, kilojoules,

kilojoules per thing. But, like, listen to this. Breakfast, banana bread. Yum. Lunch, beef pie. That's a bit, yeah, I don't like beef pie. That's 1,070 kilojoules. Okay.

Dinner, chicken fettuccine. And snack, chocolate pudding. This sounds amazing. So I've done Jenny Craig in 2000 and what year was it? 2008. I did Jenny Craig. I remember you did that. And I can tell you, if you can stick to it, guaranteed it works.

Well, because it makes you eat less than you normally eat, doesn't it? Well, it's just kind of like it makes you think about everything you're eating. And that's the plan to kind of watching if you're going to calorie count. You just constantly be like, oh, my God, that's a lot. And that kind of tells you how much it is. And I mean, that's the plan to kind of watching if you're going to calorie count. You just constantly be like, oh my God, that's a lot. And that kind of tells you how much it is and you stick to it. And it undeniably works for a lot of people. I find it's too processed. All the processed food and stuff.

That's the thing. It's very processed. And when you're opening up Uber Eats, I just don't think you're thinking Jenny Craig, you know. I don't think you're thinking oh heavens, I better check the calories.

That's what we were thinking and then like it's just weird and they'll bring around a frozen meal. You've still got to cook it yourself. You've literally

got to microwave it. And it's $33 plus obviously there'll be a fee on top of that. But you get a whole day for three meals and a snack.

That's your whole day though. Still. The trouble is if you get it all at once, you're like, I had the pie, I'm still hungry. Had the fettuccine, had the snack. But you can get hot. And it's lunchtime. It's 9am.

You can get hot chips on Uber Eats. You can get dumplings, takeaways, dessert, anything. Can you get dumplings? You're not getting a frozen meal. See, I'm on sort of like an Uber Eats light because it's only just come to the area and they are very limited.

Right. That's what you can get. I can't get dumplings. Why? Makes me a bit sad. No, that's not an option. Oh, I see. It's not an option

in West Auckland where I live. Oh, yeah. Oh. Dumplings, though. It's better for Fletch because he's in the city so literally everything is around him.

So everything is on Uber Eats. Yeah, I don't do it because I walk, I just rather walk down the road. People get it though in my building and it's literally 100 metres away. Like I've seen people get McDonald's. Yeah, but you have to get dressed. She raises a good point.

You still have to get dressed to greet the driver. Do you? No, you don't. Like gowns. They don't need to see that, Megan. You always have to meet your drivers. Call them and say leave it at the door. Be like, hello, of jarleys. Call them and say, leave it at the door. Be like, hello, yes, thank you, I'm here,

just leave it at the door and I'll come down and get it. You don't have to talk to them. I don't have a boob out when I'm in my jammies. It's, like, sensible. I do. My jammies are just little shorts. It probably would be terrifying to meet me at the door. Or highly erotic, depending on which way you swan.

Wow, that completely depends on what you're into. Friggle Fletch, Tight Ass Smith, those are two names that get bantered around here at work a fair bit. Megan, if you had to rank in studio,

tight assness. You're tight ass. Am I more tight ass than him? Yeah, because he likes to spend money on like clothes and shoes and stuff. Oh yeah, true.

But you don't like to spend money on anything. Currently, he has wands and a free t-shirt. Oh yeah, true. But you don't like to spend money on anything. Currently as one's in a free t-shirt. Oh no, this is, granted this is a free t-shirt, but this is today's cause. It's pink shirt day. Actually both of us are wearing pink, but not you. But you'll be wearing that when it's not pink shirt day.

Probably. Yeah, because it's a free t-shirt. And someone gave me a compliment on that. And you know when you wear something and someone's like, that looks nice on you, and you're like, well, I hope you expect to see it for the rest of the year then. Yeah. You've given me a compliment.

So imagine my surprise then as so-called king tight ass. Yep. The juke tight ass frugal fletch here. Yep. When I discover something about Megan Papadopoulos, she looks, she's like, what's happening? Megan and Andrew recently became the poster children for, well, he's more of a poster child.

She's more of sort of a poster middle-aged woman. Oh, okay. Poster teenager. For Netflix. Yes. When we okay. Post-teenager. For Netflix. Yes. When we talked about the ad. Yeah.

So imagine my surprise as representatives for the Spark Netflix combo. Yeah. When I find out she's not even paying for Netflix. She is stealing Friend of the Show Ali's Netflix account and Ali joins us on the show for this expose. Good morning, Ali. Good morning, guys. Megan. Ellen.

Megan. We're supposed to be friends. Why are you doing this to me? How long has Megan been piggybacking on your Netflix password? Well, I think that it's about Two years. Yeah, it's two Years. Megan! No, but

She sent me up a profile So... So when you go On to like opening up Netflix, there's a Profile there and what's it called? Megan's It's Megaboos, isn't it? Yeah, it's Megaboos She sent me up a cute profile. So...

Unbelievable. Do you pay Ellie half? Nah. That's what... You know, I think that we should talk about maybe a refund. Yes. Back pay. Yes, yes, yes.

Two years. What's two years of... What is it about? Is it $12.99 a month? Is that how much? It's like $14.99. No, I was going to say, and if you go, I recently got a little excited and upgraded to the ultra high definition, even though I don't have an ultra high definition TV.

I just get silly like that. And it entitled me to another screen because my parents occasionally will watch Netflix. So what are we talking here? How much are you paying a month? So $14.99. $14.99. So let's call paying a month? So $14.99. Let's call it around $15. The price has gone up though, hasn't it?

So didn't it start at like $12? Well, let's keep the current prices for interest. We won't charge you interest, Megan. Times 24 months, $180 should sort it out. Is that for total or that's half? No, that's half of the total. You know I'm saving for this trip as well. Oh. Any kind of money would be really good

right now. What, guys? What are you doing? This is like an intervention. She got paid for that ad, too. Don't think she did that out of the corner of her own heart. Oh, yeah. Well, I haven't actually been paid for that yet, and I probably won't be paid for it now, thank you. Because that ad probably should have been...

You can always do the second round of ads that they do for Netflix and Spark And they could pay you in a subscription. You can always do the second round of ads that they do for Netflix and Spark. Like, are you stealing your friend's password? Don't, because they're losing money. Netflix cheating's one thing, but what about Netflix theft? From a friend. I'm into that.

Yeah. Well, I just want everybody to remember this. That you're not the tight-ass Megan is. No, I pay for my own Netflix like a full grown ass man. All right, thanks, Ellie. Our spy is coming up. By the way, Megan also invited herself to Ellie's family sleepover. No, get her back on.

Ellie's family were having a sleepover. We heard through Caitlin for the royal wedding. For the royal wedding, because they're British. I'm like, oh, that's so cute. And then she's invited herself. No, Ellie. This is your time to tell them that they're British. I'm like, oh, that's so cute. And then she's invited herself. No, Ellie. This is your time to tell them that they're wrong. I did tell her that she is family.

Yeah. That's not an invite, though. So what, maybe? It's not an invite. She forced an invite on you. She did. All right. You make me sound real awful.

I did it. I promise. You're already stealing from her. Also, also. Now you're trying to steal her family. The Backstreet Boys are back. This is pretty exciting. So after five years since their last single,

they have released a song complete with video and epic dance moves. It's called Don't Go Breaking My Heart. Baby, don't go breaking my heart, breaking my heart. Baby, don't go breaking my heart, breaking my heart. Baby, don't go breaking my heart, breaking my heart. It's actually really good. It's really good. I prefer the Alton John Kiki D version. Don't go breaking my heart.

Classic karaoke. Like full on dancing in the music video. And they literally don't really look like they've changed much. I mean. They can still dance. And Kevin's hair's got longer. He should probably cut that. Right.

But apart from that, they look the same. Okay. That is by Thanks to Ridges Auckland, an urban oasis in the heart of Auckland City. Producer Caitlin, producer Caitlin, what is this box that has just arrived? Woo-hoo! This is exciting.

What happened? Hello. Guess what's just arrived. What? Actually, I'm really nervous to show you. Because something happened. What's happened? After it took ages for them to get here.

Why did you just do that laugh? This is not my fault. Oh, God. So, wait. The Royal Commemorative Fletcher Watermeagin Tea Tales have arrived. Yeah. So, after the debacle yesterday when they weren't going to arrive, I kind of wish they hadn't arrived now.

Why? What's happened? What have you done? I don't even want to turn around. I'm too scared to show you Fletcher's going to kill me. Well, do it on air because then he can't kill you in front of everyone. And make sure you're all nervous right now. Do you want to... Something happened to the details?

Bring them in next. What's happened? Something went wrong at the printing. Well, let's deal with it next because we've got Kate Hawksby, our correspondent on the phone from the UK, ahead of their royal wedding. Damn. The royal wedding.

Now, before we get to our UK correspondent who has especially... Our roaming royal reporter. Roaming royal reporter who we have sent over, especially just for this one moment on the radio, we need to get to our commemorative tea towels, which we did our commemorative tea towel for the last Royal Wedding. Yes, correct. And that was an absolute hit.

I still use it. Yeah, we're making almost a collector's edition. But we've mentioned this week the delays in the printing of these tea towels. It's been an absolute disaster. The courier were arising yesterday. We didn't know where the courier was with the tea towels. We wanted them on hand to send them around the country. Well, they've arrived.

Well, they've finally arrived, but we've just been told that something's gone amiss. We're literally about to cry. There has been a mistake at the printers. How bad is that? Did they put Ed Sheeran's photo on there? That'd be good. I have the original design of what, because Vaughan, you drew this up.

You're like, this is how we want. This is what we want. This is, you got a, what is it, A3? I got an A3 piece of paper and a vivid, and I was like, this is kind of what, because Vaughn, you drew this up and you're like, this is how we want. This is what we want. This is, you got a, what is it, A3? I got an A3 piece of paper and a vivid and I was like, this is kind of what I'm imagining. So at the top I want, like, the title, like their names or something. So there's no excuse here.

Because we wanted it to be designed and just be beautiful. Very clearly detailed. I even said, like, I want a framing around the edge of the detail to make it look like a wooden frame, like, get that. And then I sent that off to Caitlin, who sent it to the graphics around the edge of the tea towel to make it look like a wooden frame. Like, get that. And I sent that off to Caitlin, who sent it to the graphics department to get it all sorted, to send it on to the printers to get it on the tea towel.

So somehow something got missed. And this is what our tea towels look like. Oh, for f... Very... Oh, no. They're the exact drawing that I sent to you. They didn't actually, like, do the design that we asked for. They've just done the...

The vivid sketch. You've skipped out the graphic design. Oh, no. If I thought it was supposed to go from me to you, you to graphic design, where it would get designed, them to the printers, but you just forwarded what I sent you to the printers? No, I didn't.

I sent it out to Danny. I was like, Danny, this is what we want. Is that Dani's fault? I said, this is exactly what we want on the tea towels. And she must have taken it like seriously. Literally. This is literally what we want. Now it says title, like their names or something.

Oh, my God. Are there any swear words on there? I don't think so. We've got a hundred printers. There's a hundred of them. There's a drawing of a sketch. Words on there? I don't think so. There's a sketch of each of them. We've got a hundred printers. There's a hundred of them. There's a drawing of a flower and it says, sprinkle some flowers around the place. Well, we can't ask for our money back.

This is obviously at a fold at our end. You've written date of wedding in brackets. Well, I didn't know the date that they were getting married. It's bright. Well, it's tomorrow. They're 19. So if you want one, give me a call. We're not giving these away.

They're rubbish. We have to. We paid so much money for them. How much did we pay? We didn't give those away. They're still pretty delicious. Have we got our name on them? Can we distance ourselves professionally from them?

Did we write? No, definitely says switch for an American on them. Good. Remind people who made this thing. Oh, my God. Great work, everybody. Another great reason why I think we should stop trying. Joining us on the phone from London, England,

to talk about the royal wedding is our roaming royal reporter, Kate Hawksby. Good morning. Good morning to you. And FYI, I do not want one of the details. Oh, we're saving one for you. We'll give one to you. I heard you talk to a lady the other day up in Whangarei

who's got 3,000 pieces of royal memorabilia. That's right. And I would like to thank you for being a listener to my show. I appreciate it. It's an absolute pleasure. So she'd probably want one of these tea towels. She probably would, although I'm not sure. Although she did ask me on here to pick her up a bottle of,

which was embarrassing because then when someone asks you something, you've got to do it, don't you? I know. She just hit you up on live radio about bringing back like a glass bottle. It's like, hmm. Walkie. Very walkie. How's the feeling on the streets, like walking around?

Is there a buzz? There is such a buzz, which is nuts. And we were in Windsor today for the full wedding dress rehearsal of the parade and all the cavalry and the military and the carriage to this little procession ride. And it is absolutely insane. People are camped out there. They're in Union Jack suits head to toe. They've got their flags.

They've got their capes. They've got Harry and Meghan cardboard cutouts. It's insane. I read an article and it was like, oh, Britons don't actually care about this wedding. Two-thirds, it said, eh? Yeah, two-thirds don't care about this wedding that much. Would that be... I was really surprised to hear that because that's not the feeling we're getting out on the streets.

I'm not sure whether that was one of those reasons. I call it, yeah, I don't really care, but I'll watch it anyway kind of thing. Yeah. But having said that, I was talking to someone today who was saying, you know, there's big interest in Windsor and there's big interest in London where all the tourists have poured into and all the media.

Further out across the UK, maybe not so much, but the biggest interest is probably the States. We're seeing so much American media here. It's huge for them. Well, it's their first sort of tie into the royal family

for a very long time, isn't it? That's right. They're getting their very own royal princess. So they're just pretty obsessed with that. And they just think it's the cutest story ever. And, of course, they love the car crash trash. Yeah. Markle Dysfunctional Circus.

They just can't get enough of that either. You've been on a Harvey Specter hunt. How many suits, cast members members have you actually seen there? Or do you know that are there? Well, Donna came in today. She's been in... I'm going to use their stage names. Yeah. Let's go with that. Louis Litt

arrived today. Harvey's been here for a couple of... I have been hard out trying to stalk him. I just had to Photoshop my face over his wife's on my Instagram just to make it look like I found them because I'm so desperate. So there we are here, which is kind of nice because there was a lot

of sympathy for Meghan Markle. Her mum arrived so late and all that stuff going on with her family and then her dad. So people were feeling really bad for her. Her score's kind of tuned up now, which is good. How would you compare it to other royal events that you've been to in the UK? Directly compare it to Wills and Kate.

How does it feel compared to their wedding? Yeah, we were here seven years ago for theirs, and that was a really good deal. And a completely different setting, of course, being right in the centre of London. This being away in Windsor, which is a lovely little town, but the castle is like bang smack in the middle of it. Like you get to Windsor and which is a lovely little town, but the castle is like bang smack in the middle of it. You get to Windsor and it's like, holy there's the castle. It's like right there. And so it just

feels much more intimate. And there's definitely more hype around this one because Harry's the bad boy royal that everybody loves. She's the American actress that's got the Hollywood kind of magic around her. And so they kind of are less embroiled in the protocol and the tradition so everybody

is kind of loving the fact that they're just a wee bit more relatable and you never know what you're going to get from them. Yeah, lest we forget the Nazi dress up party. Yeah, blew over. It did blow over, surprisingly well. Surprisingly easy. Well we look forward to seeing all the rest of the photos and

the pomp and ceremony from the royal wedding. Thanks for having a chat to us, and enjoy that sweet work trip to the UK. Hey, it's not just a joke, but while I've got you, I know I did it on Instagram, but I just want to congratulate your person for your awesome radio award the other day. You guys so did a good job.

Oh, thanks, Kate. Thanks, Kate, so much. That was really cool. You work hard. Oh, we don't really. I don't mean Vaughan, because he literally ran for 10 seconds before the thing was on, but the rest of you work hard. That was really cool. You work hard. If I say you work hard, I don't. I don't mean Vaughan because he literally ran 10 seconds

before the show started. But the rest of you work hard. You know the truth. You know the truth. Just before the show starts. What's up? Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish.

Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. Fish, fish, fish, fish, fish. Addison joins us on the phone. Good morning, Addison. Hi, this is the funniest intro music ever. I was just going to say...

Have you not heard that before? My kid is so lovely. I really like your name. I just want to get that out there. Ever since that woman had it on Grey's Anatomy. I wasn't going to bring that up. I want whatever you've had for breakfast, Addison. Doritos and sour cream chips.

Yes! I already like you. You've complimented us and you had corn chips for breakfast. So, Addison, we're talking about your swipe me. You matched with somebody. What happened? Well, it wasn't actually me. It was, well, a friend of mine was on Tinder.

Yeah. And she was swiping through one day and just, you know, going through all the eligible bachelors in New Zealand. Yeah. And she came across her dad. Oh, no. Yeah. So, no. Yeah. So, like, we were like, okay, this is a bit fishy.

Like, you know, so our immediate thought was he's cheating on his mum. Your mum. Oh, so they're still together. They're still together, yeah. Oh, shucks. Oh, no. Okay. And we were like, okay.

So, and then a few days later we were talking to another friend of ours and he was swiping on Tinder and he came across her mum. And we were like, okay, this is just getting really weird. And we were like, okay, we've got to sort this out. They're going to break up. And so my friend went to her parents

and were like, you know, it's okay. You guys were doomed from the start anyway. You guys really shouldn't have been together. Good note, good note. I mean, you had me, but apart from that, dude, awful, awful outcome really shouldn't have been together. Good note, good note. I mean, you had me, but apart from that, dude. I mean, look at me.

Awful, awful outcome. I looked at everyone else, like, your marriage is a failure, that kind of stuff. Yeah. And then they were like, oh, well, we were actually, you know, sometimes when adults like to experiment, they like to get another person involved. So they were trying to find a three-star. Wow. And so their marriage. I am shooketh. they were trying to find a threesome wow and so their marriage

I am shooketh their marriage is as strong as ever because they're playing together with random people on tinder yeah and the weirdest thing is is that the mum had actually swiped right on the friend of ours the guy

so we've been giving him crap for like the last month, like, you're going to have a stressful appearance and we're all going to know about it. Did he swipe right for her? I'm not going to say yes or no, but yeah.

Yeah. Brilliant. Oh, that is, that, oh. Yuck, you just don't want to know. When you went around for Sunday, Rose, brilliant oh that is that oh that was just you wouldn't know where to look you just don't want to know when you went around for Sunday roast

no no no pass the gravy we had a Sunday sesh like the weekend after and it was just the most quietest thing ever we were all drinking and the parents were like

avoiding everyone we were like come on guys come have a drink and then my friends were like no we don't want to get them too drunk they might want a threesome

like well um Addison wow thank you for sharing My friend's like, no, we don't want to get them too drunk. They might want a threesome. Well, Addison, thank you for sharing somebody else's dysfunctional family story. And that Swipe Mare, we're going to hook you up with a Swipe Mare's prize pack. Congratulations. Cool. Thank you so much. Friday Flashback.

Let me tell you a little bit about the song that I've picked for Friday Flashback. I'm all on board with this song. It's from a 2007 album. I want to tell you about where this has appeared. Okay. And television-wise, this has been on a whole bunch of shows. 90210, when they did the reboot of that. Gossip Girl. Yes.

Skins. Yes. Girls, the TV show Girls. An Argentinian TV show called Exit Dos Pelos. I love that show. I'm sure it's good. Yeah. In films, it was in the movie Sex Drive,

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People, 21. It was used loosely in an Alice in Wonderland trailer, Tim Burton's version. Yeah. It was also in Warrior, the Tom Hardy fighting film. Okay. It was used in Spider-Man Homecoming. It's been in Shaun White video games.

It's been in Big Little Planet, Guitar Hero. How did it do, though, chart-wise? Did it actually... Pretty good. Okay. You don't know, do you? I've got the charts here. Not amazing, but it's one of those songs, I think you call them a slow burner. A slow burner from

Iracula Spectacular, an album from MGMT. This is Time to Pretend. This is a great song. It's one of those songs that will take you back to the time. 2007? Very much feels like a house party song. 2007, probably a memory attached to this one. Final two.

All right. It's your Friday flashback, MGMT, Time to Pretend on ZM. ZM. Music, make some money, find some models for wives. Out with two parachutes, some heroin, fuck with the stars. The models will have children, they'll get a divorce We'll find some more models Everything that's running is coarse We'll shove our vomit and that will be the end

We were fated to pretend. To pretend. We're fated to pretend. To pretend. I said, yeah, time to attend. It's your Friday flashback on ZM. So good. If you ever need to feel happy,

you know know you just Got a bit of time to kill YouTube Kid Cudi Dancing to Electric Feel With MGMT on stage At Coachella

It's the most happiest thing You'll ever see He's just He's just having The time of his life He's riddled with happiness It's the best thing ever He's got a backpack full of happiness

I think it's a couple of years old But it's still like a go to club It's so good Somebody said yeah 2014 they saw them at Coachella. So was it 2014 that you were dancing with them? Yeah. Fantastic.

So good feedback from that, you'd say? Yeah. Oh, yeah. No mixed, actually. It started really strong. Yeah. And then some people giving their thoughts on it, like I care, which was their first mistake. Yeah.

See, I take criticism quite well, as you can tell. Yeah, you do. I take it all on mistake. Yeah. See, I take criticism quite well, as you can tell. Yeah, you do. I take it all on board. Yep. Someone threatened to change the tour radio station that I actually heard that song on this week that reminded me of what a jam it was. Did you reply to that text?

Yes, I did. I said, and you'll hear that exact song over there because they were the ones that inspired me to play it for Friday Flashback. So not bad feedback. No, good. Yeah, good, good. A lot of people, like I said, a lot of

memories. Somebody said, oh my God, this just takes me back to my last year of high school. Which is like where you hit your sweet spot for a good bit of song memory, eh? Yeah. We've got a song. Well, the Royal Wedding this weekend. Now, for those that have just joined us, we've had quite an eventful morning because

we decided a while ago that we would do a commemorative tea towel. Like what we did for Wills and Kate ago that we would do a commemorative tea towel. Like what we did for Wills and Kate. Yeah, and that was a great tea towel. You're still going strong. It's a quality tea towel. It's a hard-wearing tea towel. Yeah.

Great tea towel. I've still got my Wills and Kate one. Well, going beside it will be the Harry and Meghan one, which I've actually just, it doesn't have their name on it anywhere. It just said his face and her face. It doesn't have their name on it anywhere. It just said his face and her face. It doesn't have their name on it anywhere. That's just occurred to me. So I was asked, because you guys were doing something

and Caitlin said if we want to get these in time for the royal wedding, we need an idea of what you want these to look like. So I said okay and I took no more than five minutes on an A3 piece of paper with a sharpie pen to design what I thought a commemorative detail would look like. Title I wrote because I don't know what they wanted to call it, whatever would fit there.

Harry and Meghan. Yeah, sure. Whatever. Where I want their pictures located, the castle, all this sort of thing. But I'm a terrible drawer and my handwriting's sloppy. Well, I forwarded that to Caitlin. And that was meant to go to the graphics department, the people that design everything.

Piece it all together. Yeah. And then that would be sent to promotions, someone in promotions, and they would send it to the tea tally people. Well, we missed graphics completely. It got sent straight to promos who forwarded it on. Oh, look, I'm trying to get to the bottom of this.

We now have 100, 100 tea towels with Vaughan's sketch on it. The initial idea sketch. To be fair, the tea towel seems good quality. It's a hard-wearing tea towel. And the printing's fine. There's nothing wrong with the printing. That'll last forever. Because there's not much to it. I've been getting emails. People have been

calling because they want this, even though it's rubbish. They want this. You can see on our Instagram, FVMZM, you can comment to win. We'll select a few lucky people to get a once-in-a-lifetime commemorative detail. I reckon we should write the numbers down in the corner. Because you know how you do that with limited edition stuff. Well, love them or hate them, they're going to be completely unavoidable this weekend. The royal wedding is happening.

You're going to a party, Megan, where there'll be scones. Yeah, it's a royal wedding sleepover. Scones, Jaffa Cakes, Cucumber Sammies, the works. All the good stuff. Well, let's not forget that we once talked to, who will be at the end of this weekend, a princess. Megan Markle. For suits.

This was through Lightbox. Yeah, and it was like maybe four years ago. I think it was four years ago. By the way, all of her castmates have pretty much posted photos in London. I saw Mike Ross. Mike Ross is there. Harvey Speck is there. Don is there. Lewis Lit

is mudding. He's mudding in London. Right, okay. And they're not saying they're there for the wedding. No. They're saying that they're doing everything else but. So they're all there. Before she was engaged to a prince to be married into the British royal family, we had a chat to her when she was just Rachel off suits. That's right.

And there is, and you'll hear now, a young man in New Zealand who has seen a princess naked. From the U.S., down here to little old New Zealand who has seen a princess naked. From the US, down here to little old New Zealand, Megan Markle, who plays Rachel Zane on Suits, is on the phone. How are you? I'm great. Yay, I love New Zealand. Have you been?

Because that was my question. You're a traveller. Have you been? I went campervanning for two weeks through the South Island, and I loved it. Oh, my God. People were beeping like, get your stupid caravan off our roads

and drive faster and little did they know it was Meghan Markle in the camper van in front of them. It was me. It was me in the RV. Oh, I had the best time. I absolutely loved everything about it. I went from, where did we start? In Queenstown and then went through Lake Wanaka

and up through Franz Joseph and the seal colonies and then to Marlborough and Havelock to have some mussels. Wow. And then Kaikoura and Akaroa. We rented a beach house in the North Island in Waiheke, I think it's pronounced. Yeah. Close enough. That was great.

Yeah. Wow. That's amazing memory too. You've named all those places. You've named a lot of places. Unless you've got a pad with all your research written down in front of you. Either way, I would be very impressed. I wish I could tell you that I was that organized or prepared for this interview. It just was one of my favorite trips I've ever taken, so I remember it.

And I think you'll appreciate a funny story, too, because when I was in Akaroa, when we got into the campsite, I went. They have really nice areas to go and take a shower or whatever else and I'm washing my hair and I hear something and I open the shower curtain and there's this 13-year-old boy who had crawled under the stall and was trying

to steal my underwear. I got a towel and shampooing my hair and I'm like, where is your mother? And I found his parents were mortified, of course. And to this day, I'm shampooing my hair, and I'm like, where is your mother? And I found his parents were mortified, of course. And to this day, I go, oh, my God, is that kid sitting at home going, oh, my, that's the girl from Suits. So was he a New Zealander or were they traveling as well from another country at the campground? No, he's a Christchurch.

He's a Christchurch. Unbelievable. You know what? Being that New Zealand is small and word gets around, I bet we could track him down before the end of the show. Oh, easily. Easily done. And if we do, we'll get him to write an apology note and we'll tweet you the apology note, all right? Oh, please do.

I would be tickled pink to see that. I'm glad I can laugh about it now, but at the time, as you can imagine, I was so shaken up. Even though he was just a little prankster. Yeah. He was harmless and probably bored to tears

with his family, but yeah, that was an Aceroa. We never did find that young man who saw Meghan Markle's crown jewels, I guess you could say now.

He might be more keen to speak up now. Does he realise that more than ever his parents are like, no, no, don't talk about it. Shut your mouth. Does he realise more than ever his parents are like, no, don't talk about it. Shut your mouth. Does he also realise the amount of money he could get

from British tabloids for that story? They can't get enough of a Meghan Markle yarn. Any yarn they'll pay for. Yeah. Even though it's creepy. And, you know, she does have fond memories of New Zealand, but also creepy ones, so thanks for that. Yeah.

It's very forgiving. Yes. But if you're listening right now, once upon a time you slid under the door of an Akaroa campground shower. We'd love to hear from you. Give it up, Maud. He's not coming out of the woodwork.

He's not doing it. Apparently people want these now. As much of a disaster as the design process has been. It's kind of good. Otherwise we'd be stuck with like a hundred of these stupid tea towels. Someone was just saying that cost us $800. Are you effing with me? You were just at the toilet.

Danny came in. $800 a tea towel. $800. Yeah, $800 a tea towel. Yeah, we're doing math split. Eight times a hundred is a hundred. You're right. Because I've been looking at getting some new tea towels because some of our tea towels have got holes in them, but I kept saying a shout out. They still tea towel. We're doing math split. Eight times 100 is 800. You're alright. Because I've been looking to get us some new tea towels

because some of our tea towels have got holes in them but I kept saying to Shaday they still dry towel. Yeah. So I wanted to surprise her with some tea towels. Right.

You can get a three pack of tea towels for like seven bucks. I know. And they look like alright tea towels. We should buy them but I think it's

ink or something. I don't know. I don't know. How it works. I don't know. Oh God. Yeah. That just adds to the disaster that is. You can check out our Instagram FBMZM. It's not my money. I don't know. I don't know how it works. I don't know. Oh, God. Yeah. That just adds to the disaster that is.

You can check out our Instagram, FBMZM. I mean, it's not my money. I don't know why I care in the least. Right now, though, it's time for Fact of the Day, Day, Day, Day, Day. Today's Fact of the Day is about phantom traffic jams. And I've been in these and it annoys me so much because if my car stops when it shouldn't, like on a road,

I want to see a car upside down on fire. Is this when you're in this crawling traffic all of a sudden and then you get to a point, and then it's like... And it's just free-flowing, and for no reason. Oh, my God, yes. Why is... Do you have an answer? Yes.

They are the result of one single person braking suddenly, causing each successive car to brake to a greater degree, meaning he might only go from 80k's to 40k's like, but everyone behind him picks it up and actually there's a graph that shows how it goes, how it affects.

Right. And it's like a bell curve, like the most affected people by it are significantly further behind this person. Right. Okay. And it goes up and then it starts easing off again but every progressive person that comes into it while it's still jammed then gets involved in the traffic jam.

And the simplest solution is to just say here we go look. Because I often. It's a moving graph. Okay well again not good for the radio. Not good for the radio. But see someone jams on the brakes and everything just comes to it. It's like a wave going through the ocean and it gets to a maximum.

So that is the, what's the position there? So if somebody on the bottom of that grass, if somebody jammed on their brakes, and then how many metres back did that, was that? It peaks at 250 metres behind the initial braking on the road that they used. And then from there, if that person stops, it just comes to a standstill.

Exacerbates, you could say. Exacerbates. You know I love it when you use words like that. I know. I know you do. Those big words that you got in your word of the day calendar thing that you had got that time, you remember it? Yep.

You only ever remember a couple of, like, if you get a quote a day, one of those quote a day calendars that you pull it off, you only remember two quotes, don't you? Yeah, you do. Jesus, there's 163 other ones, but I can't fucking remember a single one of them. I know Gandhi had a fair few. Well, I wonder because I remember the Gandhi one, but it's got an F word in it. I don't think that was him.

Did Gandhi swear? Work hard, F hard. Yeah. No, that's not Gandhi. Oh! I was beginning to wonder. Nelson Mandela. Oh, was I?

Okay. He was in prison for a long time. Like, people always saying, yeah. Nelson, I was like, okay. He was in prison for a long time. Like, people always saying, yeah, Nelson, inspirational quote of the day. And he'd be like, oh, God. Um, work hard.

Hard. Nelson Mandela. That's exactly what he said. Why does everyone in prison sound like Nelson Mandela? They're talking to each other in the same voice. They were slightly different.

No, because he was in the cell by himself, he actually invented friends as well. And he couldn't think of other voices. He was too busy thinking of motivational. Yeah. Quotes. So today's, in fact, you might be in one of these right now, given that it's kind of like peak traffic time.

God, it's my pet hate, those phantom traffic jams. That's the thing. It's literally one person or two people's fault. It's under. If I'm in one, because that's the thing. While someone puts on their brakes, the person behind them might then go into the other lane, which causes a slowdown as well. Because I wonder if speed cameras and just a cop sitting on the side of the road does this.

A hundred percent. Get off the roads, cops. Get off the roads, cops. Yep. I can't see anything wrong with all police not caring about the roads anymore. Yeah, yeah, true. I can't see a wrong with all police not caring about the roads anymore. Yeah, yeah, true. I can't see a problem there at all. So today's fact of the day are phantom traffic jams where you'll go and your traffic will stop,

but then it's not for an upside-down car on fire, which I'm always disappointed by, are the result of one single driver braking suddenly. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Megan Markle is now getting hate from people because she didn't say she loved her dad in the statement that he's not coming. I don't need to say it, he bloody knows it.

Yeah, she might not have written it. There could be many reasons. We don't know to say it, he bloody knows it. Yeah. Yeah, she might not have written it. There could be many reasons. We don't know the ins and outs. But what a week. Like a timeline of events in the lead up to the wedding. It started, the start of the week

was the fake photos. So yeah, first of all, there was all those photos that were being taken that he was getting a suit measured. Everyone thought that was funny. He was like working out and stuff.

But yeah, all those photos were staged for the paparazzi. And her stepsister had orchestrated that for the dad. Half-sister. Half-sister. Orchestrated that so that the dad could get a bit of money and get his profile kind of out there and a better profile.

Then it was revealed with the stress of all that, the dad's had a heart attack. So he won't come to the wedding. But before that, he was flip-flopping about coming. Coming, not coming, coming, not coming. He's had chest pains. And he was discharged from hospital, so he was coming. Then he had to go have surgery, so he's definitely

not coming. And now she's had to issue a statement. What a week. Also, her half-sister had that car accident because the paparazzi broke her ankle and her... I think the queen ordered that one. She's had enough. She's what she does.

I just, they had the rehearsal this morning, full-blown rehearsal, so they're driving to the palace and everything, but there were paparazzi shots of Megan in the car. She looks thin. She looks very... I don't know if that's just the diet or the stress in the lead up to the wedding. But off the back of the week that Megan and Harry have had, want to know if you can beat it.

If the family dramas you had in the lead up to your wedding... Oh, the wedding week from hell. Yeah. If it could stand up to Megan Markle or even beat it. Yeah, because, Vaughn, your one wasn't that stressful. Pretty chill. My car break, that shitty old company car we had broke down when I was dropping the dog off. Yeah, because, Warren, your one wasn't that stressful. Pretty chill. My car break, that shitty old company car we had broke down

when I was dropping the dog off. Yeah, that's right. Remember that? I was stuck in the middle of nowhere at the dog place without cell phone reception, but that was alright.

That was about it. Megan? Nice, but a quiet, reflective time. You out of the viewer too? My first one was dramatic. I don't think we need to talk about that,

but there was tears. Oh, and rest in peace, my Uncle Murray died on the night of my wedding. But no one told you, eh? No one told me. It was full of drama, the first one. And then, even the one that you had this year, there was that huge cyclone that came through the day

before your wedding. And I went to the venue, which was an outdoor venue, as there is a cyclone pouring with rain and there's mud everywhere. I was like, well, this can't get better, can it? But luckily you found this hole in the weather. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. Well, so you want to see if anybody can beat Meghan Markle's week from hell leading up to a wedding. Or maybe your family, you just know of your family, the wedding, the week from hell. It wasn't your wedding, but you were there. You witnessed it all. And yeah, it doesn't have to be family, does it? It can be any kind of drama that happened in the week of. I just want't your wedding, but you were there. You witnessed it all. And yeah, it doesn't have to be family, does it? It can be any kind of drama

that happened in the week of. I just want to hear a dramatic week from hell leading up to a wedding. Okay, we'll text this in, 9696.

You can give us a call, 0800-DARLS-IT-M. And we want to hear about your week from hell leading up to your wedding. Can you beat Meghan Markle's week from hell?

I was going to say Meghan and Harry's week from hell, but it's really Meghan's week from hell, isn't it? What would you say if you're Harry? It's alright, love. Do we have to go to Christmas dinner? I know, you wouldn't be having.

After this, do we have to see your family again? Yeah, can we just give them a small island somewhere? Great, great, great, great, great, great, great. Yeah. Just took off the locals. Tanya, let's just run through quickly.

What happened on your week from hell leading up to your wedding? So we got married on the 1st of the 11th. Yeah. So 1-1-1, straight off the bat. Yeah. It was a disaster. Okay. My sister-in-law got involved because she was worried about the 120k gale force winds that were projected for that weekend

for our marquee garden wedding and run the hire company and basically warned them so they were going to cancel our marquee hire oh right, well your sister-in-law rings hire whoever and they're like hey, big winds this weekend just sort of panic everybody

yeah pretty much right, not her job, thank you so they cancelled that and then what big wins this weekend? Just sort of panic everybody? Yeah, pretty much. Okay. Right, not her job. Okay, so they cancelled that and then what? And then we got reinstated, obviously, and then one of my bridesmaids was heavily pregnant

and couldn't fit her bridesmaid's dress. Good. Okay, handy. Another one of my bridesmaids, Kitten, had got into her wardrobe and put a tear

in the top layer of her bridesmaid's dress. Oh. And then bridesmaid's kitten had got into her wardrobe and put a tear in the top layer of her bridesmaid's dress. And then my husband to be his ring had not been received from Auckland, and this was the day before the wedding, to be finished off by our jeweller.

So we weren't sure whether we'd actually have a wedding man or not. Oh no, but you got it in the end? Oh, so good. Yes, our jeweller, who was one of our bridesmaids, who was heavily pregnant, was madly trying to finish it on the morning of the wedding in between getting her hair and makeup done. Oh, no.

So stressful. Wow, like a working bee. Yeah. Pretty much. Wow. All right, Tanya, thanks. Some amazing texts and calls coming through. I don't know the backstory to this one,

but it starts out, my 98-year-old grandmother went on hunger strike in the UK a week before my wedding. Why? We had to decide to force feed her or not. Chose not. She died three days before my wedding. So do you think she just had enough?

She's like, let me die, I'm out. But they're like, well, why not just wait for the wedding? Wait till after the wedding. Yeah, you're 98 years. Three more days isn't going to kill you, even though it did. It would be one of the nicer days of your last. Yeah. Yeah, because I want old people to love a wedding. Yeah, you're 98 years. Three more days isn't going to kill you. It would be one of the nicer days of your last. Yeah.

Because I want old people to love a wedding. Nah, but I think old people get to an age where it's just everything's so bloody inconvenient. Yeah, true. You'll be out of the house a long time that day. Yeah. And then after grandma went on hunger strike and passed away. Hold on. Just that sentence is so horrific.

After grandma went on hunger strike. My fiance lost our wedding license the day before our wedding so I had to queue up for another one. He did manage to get it. On the day my bridesmaid's hair fell out. Actual hair or like a hairstyle? Well it doesn't say hairstyle. It says hair fell out and got a stain on my

dress from the car on the way there. Oh no. Okay. Yeah. Baby didn't feed. My baby didn't feed for eight hours, and then my now husband locked me out of our hotel room and passed out, so I couldn't wake him up. Wow. Somebody said, if there's any Croatians listening to the show,

I just need to say, big fat Croatian wedding, and they'll all shudder. Apparently that must just be. Wow. I know a friend of mine went to a Croatian wedding and he's like, well, this is before our wedding. He's like, how many people are you having at your wedding? I was like, oh, a hundred tops.

He's like, okay, good, because I haven't been to many weddings, but there was like 400 people at this Croatian wedding and there was fights and stuff. I was like, we're going to have fights. Yeah, fights. Fights. There were people texting

and not wanting to obviously speak on air about, like, affairs and stuff coming to light in the week before weddings. Oh. Imagine that. Well, at least it's before, because then you don't have to go through the whole divorce thing. Wedding week from hell. Father of the groom got so drunk at the stag do he vomited and flushed his false teeth

down the toilet. Oh, no. Mother of the groom broke her hip and was on crutches for the big day. Father of the bride broke his toe and hobbled up the aisle next to me. The bridal car caught on fire on the way to the church. The bus to the transport... The bus to transport the guests from the church

to the venue got lost, and the next day we lost our marriage certificate, so technically we're not married. Oh, my God. Wow. Still one of the best days of our life.