ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 20 2019

Episode Date: May 19, 2019

A great police story out of Gisborne, calling noise control and do you want to change your name?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch Warner-Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Warner-Megan. Yes, happy last episode of Game of Thrones ever day. This is going to be a little bit empty after watching that. Yeah, what is tonight's final episode? 80 minutes again? 80 minutes? Is it? What is it? Can't? 80 Minutes again? 80 Minutes? Is it? What are they? Can't do it up in 80 Minutes?

It's cute that you think that they're going to reshoot the entire season again. You think one of the most expensive TV shows in history, they're just going to be like, yeah, no, you're right. You're right. You're right. We're just kidding around. That was just a take. What we're going to do is make four more seasons and actually give this story the the the room to breathe that deserved no

not gonna happen that's not happening buddy they might redeem themselves tonight they might i'm not too upset i mean it would have been nice for maybe another couple of episodes like you say yeah i just just like i've got no problem with how the story's gone. I just think it needs more time to breathe. More room to breathe. We're all writers now, aren't we? Oh no,

I'm not claiming I'm a writer. I just know if you need anybody to take something that could be done in one episode and drag it out to four,

I think I'm your guy. Me and George R.R. Martin are wonderful at dragging things out. Yeah. Like this talking piece. This could have been done by now, but no, who's still talking? You know what they...

Oh, George R.R. Martin in the corner. You know what they needed? Keanu Reeves, Megan. Everything's better with Keanu. Everything is better with Keanu Reeves. Everything's better with Keanu. Bourne and I went on our cute date to see John Wick 3. How was your date?

Oh, my God. It was nuts. The movie was absolutely bananas. As John Wick 3 fans, what do you give it? Do you reckon it's the best one? No, see, John Wick 1 still, because John Wick 1 came from nowhere. It's like Taken. Taken, the original Taken is the best Taken.

Surprised you. But John Wick 3 is pretty bloody nuts. He must, the kill count must be like 1,000, eh? Easily. But apart from that, was the storyline good or was it just... Oh, that's what you'd expect,

isn't it? Okay. He's getting vengeance for it because someone killed his dog and beat up his car. Spoiler alert. Oh, that was in the first movie. That was in the first movie.

Yeah, I know, but... So just an ongoing... Like, he's had a hell of a couple of weeks. Oh, yeah. Hell of a couple of weeks. All, yeah. Hell of a couple of weeks. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right.

Three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan decide which out of the three headlines are we delve into. Headline one, chairs to prison. Headline two, new app targets distracted drivers

with alerts. And headline three, man makes his own happy hours. Headline two, new app targets distracted drivers with alerts. And headline three, man makes his own happy hours. What was number one? Chairs to prison. That one. I think I want chairs to prison. Is it a chair fight in a prison? No.

Is it chair as in C-H-A-I-R? No, it's not. It's chairs as in drinks. Someone making booze in prison. Well, no, but there is booze in prison, Vaughan. Okay. Do you want to hear about that? Yes.

A Spanish inmate has recently invoked the principle of religious freedom in an attempt to convince the prison warden to serve him a glass of wine with every meal so he could worship his chosen deity. So he can go communion. So he addressed a letter to the prison warden

in Spain's Basque County. The unnamed prisoner declares himself a disciple of the Roman god of wine. And hence, he must be provided with a glass of wine at every meal. Right. Because it's his religious freedom. Okay.

And yeah, apparently, yeah, he gets a glass of wine now. Does he actually get it? Yeah. It was like, you give up all freedoms, including religious freedom, when you go to prison, don't you? That's something you did by your choice when you were not in prison, but when you go to prison, there's restrictions

put on you. Well, obviously, alcohol and narcotics are strictly prohibited in Spanish prisons, regardless of inmates' religious beliefs. Even for their special New Year's Eve dinner, prisoners are only offered non-alcoholic beer. They for their special New Year's Eve dinner, prisoners are only offered non-alcoholic beer. They get a special New Year's Eve dinner? Yeah.

Interesting move. Yeah, I thought it would have just, I don't know, I thought maybe a special Christmas. Christmas, I can understand, yeah. Yeah. Was he, did he worship this god before he went into prison? Probably not, Megan. Probably just Mrs. Pino.

Yeah, but then what? Oh, my God. Imagine if they got you a tart merlot. A tart merlot. Oh, you'd be so... And if you're only allowed one glass, so that's you open a bottle of wine. I don't know what this is like personally,

but imagine opening a bottle of wine and then four nights later having the last glass from it. I mean, that's absolute madness. But it would have gone vinegary. Yeah, but if you're and they don't cook it, probably better than nothing. And whilst they'd have a cask.

It's so hard to stop at one. Who just has one glass of wine? A monster? Once he gets it, they're all just going to get it. Well, yeah, this is true. Everyone will be joining up the religion.

And then heck, the Catholic Church might not have a good name if it's got all these criminals working for it. Otherwise, flawless reputation of late, eh? Yeah, well, of course. Yeah, definitely.

There's been a handbook printed out and it's going to be given to up-and-coming rugby players, teenagers who are getting into rugby, showing a lot of promise, likely to be playing at club, national, international level.

Would I have got this in the Plymouth Boys High School 7th 15? Did they have that many 15s? Oh, they were heaps of 15s, yeah. Who did you end up playing?

Oh, just other crap teams. Did they ship you all right off to the middle of nowhere to play a small? Pretty much, yeah. What position did you play?

Do you even know what it's called? Halfback. He's very versed. Oh, yeah. What position did you play? Um... Do you even know what it's called? Halfback. He's very versed. I was halfback. Were you? Yeah. But then I got growthy.

What do you call it? A lock. In a growth spurt. Puberty. Puberty. Yeah. Yeah. Right.

But I only played that season and then I was out. So it was like junior high school. Yeah. Yeah, you got further than me. Right. Hurt too much.

I remember when Tiffa Tiamo ran me down and I was like, high school. Yeah. Yeah, he got further than me. Right. Hurt too much. I remember when Tifa Tiamo ran me down. And I was like, holy shit. I don't like this at all. This dude was, like when we were at primary school,

he was an urban legend of Morrinsville. Oh, right. God, don't play Morrinsville primary. You might have to tackle Tifa. I'm like, oh Christ, no. No. And he ran straight at me.

I'm like, well, I guess this is how I die. Right. And he ran straight. Just give him the no. And he ran straight at me. I'm like, well, I guess this is how I die. Right. And he ran straight. Just give him the ball politely. He just ran straight through me. Right. Knees up.

Yep. We wouldn't have that at Kewtay. No one was going. Scary. Yeah. Mum, I'm coming off. We don't have enough players to sub somebody else on. It wasn't a question, Mum.

I'm coming off. So the School of Rugby is a book and it gives rugby players advice. You may have noticed there's been a few high profile slip ups from rugby players. Aaron Smith. Disabled toilets.

Excuse me, I'm getting a little cough. And other things. So it deals with how to handle yourself in a whole lot of different arenas. And this is, it's a fair call. A lot of young men and young women might find themselves with a profile all of a sudden. And while their friends are doing things like

getting in relationships in two days and sending pictures of their genitals to somebody else, if you do that and you're a high profile rugby player. Yeah, those could be shared. And they have been in the past. 100%. That's right. That was something else, wasn't it?

Yeah. Yeah. A couple of times. No, a few times. Yeah. Okay, so this happens. It's what your friends are experiencing is going to be a completely different experience to you

if you've got a profile. See, you said earlier this has been printed out for young men. But it's actually women as well. Yeah, but it's really more aimed at the guys, isn't it? It's aimed at dudes because when I was at the last home, you heard a black fern doing something stupid. Well, they've got to work and play rugby. They're very busy. Yeah, yeah, they're way too busy to be playing out in airport lounges and stuff.

So it deals with online dating, going on dates after meeting online, like always meeting in a public place. It's actually just really good general advice to a lot of people. Right. About sex things. But are they actually going to read it? Because you think if you were in a team or at work, if they gave you a handbook, you'd be like, that's great. Yeah, but when you were a teenager, if you were given a handbook, would you have read it?

No. No. No. No. Exactly. It deals with sexing, consent, pornography. This is a pornography rundown. It's one of my favorite little quotes.

But porn is like the action movie of sex. You wouldn't learn to drive by watching The Fast and the Furious. Likewise, you need to know the difference between porn sex and real sex. See, that's just good advice. That's good advice. That's good advice. Coming out, if you're gay, social media, how to handle social media. A general rule is would you be happy for your grandparents to see or read what you're about to post online?

If the answer's no, then probably don't post it. What if my grandparents are dead? See the next rundown? then probably don't post it. What if my grandparents are dead? So, the next rundown? Just your parents, I guess. Oh, yeah, I guess just your parents. Or like old people that you like. Maybe your neighbour. Okay, yeah.

Would they be happy to see that online? Yeah. Or would they look over the fence and be like, oh, cow. I saw what you put on Twitter. That was disgusting. I mean, that kind of deals with a bit of everything. And it's a step in the right direction.

It's totally a step in the right direction. In fact, I'm surprised it's taken this long to have some... I mean, I'm assuming All Blacks had a kind of a crash course. New All Blacks might have had this anyway. I would hope so. You know, your super rugby players at that level would have had this kind of thing already. You'd think so, but...

Yeah, I'd hope so. But then... That's a good idea. Some may have so, but... Yeah, I hope so. But then... That's a good idea. Some may have not listened by... Actually, you're just judging by... Yeah. Maybe not, maybe. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

The Gisborne place, the Estrin... Estrin? Estrin. Yeah, it's got a T in it. Estrin. Estrin. The Estrin district place is who this falls under, and it's to their Facebook page that we get this great story.

It starts bad, as most triumphant stories do. A mobility scooter was stolen in Gisborne. On, like, Saturday or Friday night? No, it was a Tuesday. Oh, yeah, okay, Gisborne. Way home from Howsey? Yeah. It was stolen.

So then the next day day this is the Wednesday the officers were conducting unrelated inquiries to find someone who had fled from a stolen car so it was at this address that they found the mobility scooter oh great news it was then that Constable Rob made a decision

now I like to think in this story I'm Constable Rob and Fletch is Constable Rob's partner, who remains unnamed in this, but let's call him Constable Fletch, because Constable Rob's like, I'm riding it back to the person. And was Constable Fletch like, we'll get a trailer, mate. We don't have

time for you to be riding a scooter. This is so like you two. There's a photo of Constable Rob on the mobility scooter And he's got a big shitty grin on his face I'm like, this guy gets it And he's like, I'm driving at home And Constable Fletch says something along the lines of

Mate, it's going to take you like 40 minutes We're police officers, we've got work to do Let's get a trailer Constable Rob, aka Constable Vaughn Slung the lines of He's like, no By the time's get a trailer. Constable Rob, aka Constable Vaughan, flung the lines over. He's like, no. By the time we get a trailer, get it back here. I'll just drive it.

You go to the address and wait for me. You tell them that this is good news coming. So Constable Rob sets off on this mobility scooter journey and drive it all the way home. Don't tell them I'm coming because I want to play music from my phone as I roll up in this. Keep on rolling. They hate it.

So apparently people were tooting and waving to Constable Rob. So Constable Rob's loving the attention. Okay, there's a parallel running here. And then not at their destination, the battery on the scooter runs out of juice. Constable Fletch in in my mind, was like, there's not enough battery to ride 40 minutes across town. So rather than give up and admit he was wrong,

Constable Rob dismounts, puts it into neutral and pushes it the rest of the way. Oh, my God. Which is, again, Constable Vaughan right here. This is a classic. I don't think these guys are like us, but I'm the Eastern District Police. So he pushed it the rest of the way because he wouldn't. I like to imagine he flat out refused any help.

He's like, no, no, I'll do it myself. Get out of it. Get out of it. I said, get out of it. Get out of it. But they returned it to the person who had had it stolen from them. So that's some great. Did he get to take his vest off?

That would have been some hot work. No, he's pushing it. Well, when he was driving it, short sleeve vest. But then when he's pushing it, yeah, vest along. Wow. Well, you don't know when you're going to get stabbed in Gisborne. Pushing a mobility scooter, someone in Gisborne could still want to stab you. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.

Amazon have come under fire in the UK for selling a device that's about 10 pounds, so about 20 New Zealand dollars, and it's a tracking device, a GPS tracker. Yes. What do you mean? Yes. Why are you getting in trouble for that, though? A GPS tracker. So you can have a link to an app.

Well, yeah, so you can track it. You install it. So basically they're described as being perfect for tracking teens, but people are not only using them to track their children, they're using them to track their partner and see what their partner is up to. But is that illegal? Do we know the laws on that?

I don't know. Is that kind of frowned upon? I don't. So apparently the National Stalking Helpline, they've got a National Stalking Helpline in the UK. Can you believe that? Had 4,300 calls last year. And apparently a lot of them had found trackers.

And so that's why under UK harassment laws, spying is illegal if it causes distress or alarm. Right. Okay. But then, so I'm guessing that, yeah, if you found that and you became distressed and you were alarmed by that, then that would be illegal? Yeah.

But yeah, I mean, people are, they're really tiny, powered by a few little batteries. You could easily hide that in someone's car. And how long do those batteries last for? Does it say any? It doesn't say. They can't last too long. Like, they're $10 or $20. If that was under my car, because you can just pop it underneath.

So you could put those in a kid's school bag. Yeah, they've got magnets on them. You could put them on a belt or on someone's, I don't know, car or bike. I would never find that if that was on my car. I think it might show up on a bike. Maybe like a motorbike you can find it somewhere. Under the seat. You could put it under the seat.

Oh, is it that little? Yeah, it looks tiny. It looks like maybe an inch and a half long. And then it falls off and it goes in a gutter and it like washes out to sea. And you're like, who are you out boating with? What do you mean I'm not out boating? You're a liar. I don't trust you.

You're cheating on me with a dolphin. And such accusations could be thrown. I just do this thing where I'm like, what's up? And I send on Facebook Messenger, I send location. And Sade always just sends, even if she's at home, she always sends back location. It's this really weird thing. She's like, how far away are you? I'm like, send location. She's like,

also send location. I'm like, yeah, but I know where you are. You're at home. That's really weird. Why? That you guys trade locations. Yeah. It sounds like you guys aren't trusting each other. We trust each other, but it's just like, you guys trade locations. Yeah. It's not because we don't. It sounds like you guys aren't trusting each other. Oh, no, no, we trust each other, but it's just like, how long are you going to be or?

And then she wants to know that I can drive past Mitre 10 on the way home, which is always a big call card. That's the issue, because you're a classic, I'm just leaving now, but you're still in the shower. Yeah, yeah. So if you've got the location on, you know that Vaughn's lying. Yeah. Yeah.

You need to get that Life360 app and add each other. Then you can just like at all times just click on it. Is that always tracking all the time? Yeah.

Oh, I don't like that. Let's use a little battery though. Does it change the battery a bit quicker? Actually, maybe that's why my phone always goes flat. Your life's just,

turn it off. Turn it off for two reasons. No, it's only me and Ellie. Turn it off now and see how long it takes Ali to realise that you've turned it off. Yeah, because it gives a notification whenever we go past each other's work. She'll be like, why are you at my work? I was like, I'm just driving past. Well, that's creepy.

Can you see like a little perimeter? Yeah. A little perimeter check. So she could do one for you for Mitre 10, Bunnings. What else? He's born and gone in there again. I just went for a look at a sausage.

It's a little peckish. So I looked on Trade Me to see like if we've got access to these cheap GPS trackers as well and most of them are like quite

expensive. Right. Like anywhere between 50 and 300 bucks. But these look like ones you put on your car and they can text your phone and stuff.

And if you're doing that to find out if your partner's cheating, maybe just have the conversation or break up with them. Save yourself $300. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top 6. Hello and welcome to today's Top 6. Today, the Top 6 is a little differently. Usually, I've written it before I do the Top 6 or just like finishing writing it as that intro plays. But today I've written nothing. All I have in front of me is randomwordgenerator.com and we're going to name the next Kardashian West baby

the top six options using a random word generator. Because if the internet's anything to go by, this is what happens when you let Kanye West choose the baby's name. Yeah. Yeah. So we've got some criteria here. We can pick first letter or last letter,

but I think we just leave that blank. We just let that one blow to the breeze. We can decide our word size by number of syllables or word length by letter. We should have one syllable. So you want to do it by syllable? One syllable. North.

But Chicago. Yeah, that's why they call it shy. Shy. Yeah. Okay, so are we changing it to one syllable? Mm-hmm. It limits us somewhat. Changes the game.

One syllable. That's the only rule they have. One syllable. Okay, that's it. What, does it have to be catchy for marketing purposes? I don't know. Is that what they're thinking? Psalm.

Yeah, great name for a baby. There will be no confusion as to how to spell that. No. Okay, so here we go. Top six Kardashian West baby names by a random word generator. Number six, Snack. Snack West. Snack West.

Yes. I love it. It couldn't have been better. He's a snack. That's actually better than Psalm, the name Psalm. Yeah. It's cuter. If we're honest. We're a baby. Snack. Snack. That's great. than Psalm, the name Psalm. Yeah. It's cuter. If we're honest.

We're a baby. Snack. That's great. I'm going to push it again. Number five on today's list of the top six names for the next Kardashian West baby. Doubt. Doubt West. Doubt West.

That's quite cool too. Again, I actually like that better than the name Psalm. Yeah. Doubt. But it's kind of got a negative vibe to it. It's not positive, yeah. No, it's not super positive. Right.

It's like, yeah, hmm. Oh, well, you've got to have a dud in the family, don't you? Ask Rob. Oh! Oh, that was unfair. Rob's got a sock empire. That's one syllable too, isn't it? Rob.

Rob. Rob. Okay, next, number four on the list of the top six names for the next Kardashian West baby from a random word generator. Lace. Lace West. Lace West. It's too many Fs.

Lace West. Lace West. West. Yeah, you wouldn't want to list. No, you certainly wouldn't want to list. Lace. Yeah, Lace Smith is too much too. Lace Smith.

Yeah, it's quite a lot to give you. I mean, that's very close to Lacey, isn't it? People are called Lacey. Yeah,. Lace? Yeah, Lace Smith is too much too. Lace Smith. Yeah, it's quite a lot to give you. I mean, that's very close to Lacey, isn't it? People are called Lacey. Yeah, remember Lacey Chabert from Party of Five? Mean Girls? Yes, that's right.

She was in both of those things. I don't know what else since. But I'm sure she's done stuff. Surely she has. Lacey. Lacey Chabert. Lacey Chabert. She was in like a TV show

around 2010, I feel. She's a good actress and we all know her. Why hasn't she been more successful? She's done some voicing on Family Guy. Yeah, she was the original Meg. Was she? Before Mila Kunis took over. She was too.

Yeah, she was the original Meg and I think she opted out because she was like, this is getting a bit much. I think we're pushing it a little too far right anything else to yeah she's been in like tv series shimmer and shine young justice shine yeah jenny series on uh disney junior great show yeah no she's done justice who was she in young justice she's doing lots of voiceover work yeah she was a voice over in star wars the old republic what's she doing yeah okay she in the video game? Yeah. I've done heaps of voiceover work. She's a cousin actress. You've just named some very cool things.

So she did Megan Family Guy from 99 to 2012. Oh, wow. She's actually got, her IMDB's huge. Okay. Or we take it back, Lacey Shabir, congratulations on being a successful young lady. Role model too, I can't name a bad thing she's done. And she would be 35 or 36.

Wow, they grew up so quick. Yeah. Little what's-her-face Salinger with a violin. She was a violin Salinger at 45, wasn't she? I feel that TV2 is asking to be remade soon too. Oh, reboot. Reboot. Reboot, yeah.

Number three on the list of the top six next names for the Kardashian West baby, because you know another one's coming, from a random word generator where the only criteria is it's got to have one syllable. Vat. Like a vat. Like a vat of milk or a vat of, yeah, the fat vat or a vat of, yeah, I don't know, that's a bad one.

That's not. Vat West. Well, no, isn't vat at a... Or a vat of... Yeah, I don't know. That's a bad one. That's not... Vat west. Well, no, isn't there a vat getting your tax back internationally? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. The value-added tax. Yeah. Yeah. Getting your vat back at the airport if you're living in Australia.

Yeah, that's positive. Okay. Okay. Number two on the list of the top six names from a word generator for the next Kardashian West baby. Plug. Plug west. Plug West. Plug West.

I still like all of these names better than Psalm. Yeah. Okay. And the number one on today's list from the random word generator, number of syllables, one of the inner criteria. West. West West. Are you joking? Look. Actually, West West. West, West. Are you joking?

Look. Actually, West, West. Oh, yeah. My God, they're listening. West came up. They are. West, West. Wouldn't put it past them.

No. Wouldn't put it past them. That is today's top six. Wellington's noisiest street has been crowned? Do you call it a crowning when it's not like a... Well, and we're only at like four, we're into the fifth month of 2019. Name and shamed?

Name and shamed, yep. Is that more of a crown, that's the crowning when it's a bad thing? I'm just saying that we're only five months in, nearly six, there's still time for another street to take this out. Oh, because I was like, yeah, when you said that, I thought, well, surely they're just going on the results and nothing much is going to change. But you're saying if you're also

a noisy street, hope's not lost yet. No. You've got till like the end of December to really make enough ruckus. Well, it's the terrace in Wellington that is the most complained about street. That's not surprising because there's, you know, the uni, a few uni halls. Yes. I remember I stayed once on a hotel.

It wasn't on the terrace. You stayed at a uni halls? Yeah, we know, mate. You got banned. Didn't you get trespassed? What? How many times? Which ones?

What are you even talking about? No, no, no, go on. No, but I stayed at a hotel and it was by the steps that go up to the terrace. Oh my God, it was so noisy. I got woken up like 10 times during the night. Really? Absolutely insane.

Yeah, I know there's a lot of noise complaints from like that kind of area. I got locked out of a friend's flat on the terrace once and tried to sleep on the balcony. Gosh, it was noisy. Excuse me, I'm trying to sleep

on a pile of rubbish here. If you could just keep it down. Some of us have got an early morning. But it's just student flats from one end to the other, right? A lot of it is. Some awesome houses up there. Like some really cool old massive houses that are just absolutely falling to bits because I feel like some of the most dear old people you'll ever likely to see.

Or future accountants, lawyers, leaders. Yeah, someone who's got no money to eat but is wearing a $200 pair of pants. That sort of situation. That's my kind of person. I can't eat and I'm freezing but my pants are so lovely and $200 worth of pants. But apparently it gets called not only for parties but use of heavy equipment such as jackhammers at 1 a.m. Now, I'm not sure who's fucking a jackhammer at 1 a.m. Isn't it flat?

This might be like local. Because how far is that away from like a major road? You know, they do major roadworks, like motorway roadworks. They do that overnight to disrupt the traffic the least amount possible. Also, probably same with just any roadworks. Yeah. Do it at night so fewer people are impacted. Apart from those suburban streets

though. Yeah, apart from those people sleeping. Yeah, but I'd like to know what you've called noise control on. Now, it could be a party. Maybe you shut down like a funeral. Because you know how some funerals... A funeral? I've never been to a funeral but you hear about wakes if it was like a person... A wake? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say someone cranking out Elton John tears in heaven. some funeral i've never been to a funeral but you hear about wakes if it was like oh a wake oh yeah

i was gonna say like someone cranking out out and john tears in heaven or something out and john your father just disowned you no no you know what i mean i meant to say that you know what i mean yeah that's what that's your best defense for getting exam questions wrong too oh yeah but you know it wrong, but you know what I mean. That was because I was reading a story this morning. Apparently, that Elton John biopic smashes, what was that last biopic? The Queen one. Oh, really? It's amazing.

Everyone's raving about it. I was reading an article this morning. I thought it was going to be like one of those ones that would be so hard to follow up the success of the Queen one that any music biopic for the next little while would seem done. No, apparently, it's pretty amazing. That's why that's in my mind. It's in your mind.

It's in your mind. Well, I want to know what you shut down by calling noise control. Oh, I used to live near Unitec. Before your house got bogos for a tunnel. I just shouldn't. Hey, by the way, how great is that now when we can look back and think

that you made that sacrifice for that great tunnel? Yeah, and that was a dud house. It had turquoise carpet. And that dangerous black mold on the tunnel. Yeah, and that was a dud house. They had turquoise carpet. And that dangerous black mould on the ceiling. Yeah. Your biggest worry was the turquoise carpet. My biggest worry was walking through your laundry room being like, it's going to fall on me.

It's going to attack me. Is it getting on my lungs? Is it putting out its spores? Those spores are going to make somebody a new virus. Well, when I lived in the virus-y house, it was near Unitec, and man, they had some parties one night. Some parties?

It was past 10.30, and I was like, I'm done. I'm calling noise control. Because what is the cutoff? It's 10, eh? No, I thought it was 10.30. I wait till 10.31. 10.31. It's an unreasonable amount of noise at any time of the day.

Really? I think it gets to a certain time and there's, like, you could call noise control on your neighbour's dog that barks all day. Yeah. Because it's noisy and it's disturbing your peace. You'd be surprised. You can call noise control about anything at about any time. Right.

If you believe it's loud enough that it's disturbing general peace. Did you get it shut down? Nah. It went on for quite a while afterwards. Right. Was it a concert? Yeah. You went on for quite a while afterwards. Right. Was it a concert? Yeah. You can't call noise control on a concert.

It was some band, like really rockers. Oh, so it was like a gala ball situation. Megan's like, I'm ready for bed because I've got legend airs this Easter moon. Moldy asbestos ceiling. It was so loud. Just turn it down a bit. Shut it down. If you're bald, just turn it down a smidge. It's so loud. Just turn it down a bit. Shut it down. Have your ball.

Just turn it down a smidge. Turn your ball down. Turn your ball down. What events have you had shut down or tried to shut down? Yeah, why did you call noise control? Give us a call. 0800 DALES at M. Maybe you move next to Speedway in Auckland.

Then you're like, well, now that I live here, I shan't be having that noise once a month on a Saturday evening. Shut it down. All right, why have you called noise Control 0800DARLS at M? You can text 9696. Well, Wellington's noisiest street has been crowned the terrace for the first four months of 2019. Yeah.

Beating out some other student hotspots in the city. And it's led the only month where it hasn't beaten every other street was March, and Cuba Street actually beat it in March, but the terraces had such a strong showing for the rest of the months in the year. It's brought it back. Yeah, Ardo Street tried in April, but it wasn't enough to edge them any higher than third. So we want to know why you've called noise control.

Yeah, why did you try to shut down? What event were you like, I've had enough? Some text messages in. We live next to a church. Every Saturday and Sunday, they sing the same bloody song over and over all day long. Last weekend, I'd had enough. I called noise control. I was not being woken up on Sunday again with that bloody song.

What time? Could you call the church and be like, may I suggest a different hymn? May I suggest some noise cancelling? Some Pink Bats. Pink Bats or something. And some of that jib. And shut the door. Some of that thick jib I see advertised.

But yeah, they've had enough of calling noise control. I mean, that would be most unexpected, wouldn't it? A big bang on the church doors. Is it one of those gossipy churches? A gossip-ly? You know, where they're all like, where they talk about gossip. Yeah.

Gospel. Gospel. Loud, sing and gossip. You can't even say any word related to it, can you? Gospel. No. I don't really want to, yeah. Is it one of those singy-dancey ones?

Might have been a singy-dancey one. Or is it one of those new ones where they play the electric guitar and the guy's like, I'm a cool youth pastor. Yeah, maybe. You know who else loves skateboarding? Jesus.

Sure. If he'd lived in the time of the skateboard, am I right? Some other text messages in. And many, many people pulling a trick. I'm going to tell you what this trick is in just a minute. Okay. To get, well, some peace and quiet in the neighbourhood. Let's go to Lisa first.

Lisa, who did you call noise control on? I called noise control on my teacher. On your teacher? My old form teacher. I just had a baby and I was pretty angry with the world. It was about 10 o'clock at night. I didn't know that they were getting married. I didn't know they were holding a reception at their house.

Okay. You called noise control on a wedding reception? I did. I didn't know. I didn't know until Monday because I, the thing is my teacher works with my dad. I was like, oh my God, you know, they had a party and it really pissed me off.

And my dad's like, they got married on Saturday at home. They had like an orchestra and everything. And I was like, oh, dang. But what really blew it was a Nicki Minaj song with Starship got played about 10 o'clock and I lost it. I just completely lost it. That was your break.

Nicki Minaj was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was. If you were at that party and Starship came on at 10 o'clock, that would be the best thing ever. That's a banger. That's an absolute wedding reception guaranteed banger. You would want that played again because it's so good. Play it again.

No. Lisa, thanks for your call. Sophie, who did you call noise control on? I tried to call noise control on my flatmate for watching Game of Thrones really loudly at 11 o'clock at night when three of us are trying to sleep. Oh, okay, fair call because it's 11 o'clock. Yeah, and it being on a Monday, like, it was incredibly loud.

I thought it was an earthquake at first, and then I realised it was the TV because the house was just rumbling and shaking. That's how loud it was. I know, because I've been, I go, on the afternoon, I'll just crank it as loud as I go because I'm hoping that no one else is sleeping or around. But that's in the afternoon, that's fine.

But yeah, the soundtracks are incredible. Yeah, you've got to listen to it loud. Oh, the soundtracks are amazing, but I don't really appreciate... Not at 11 o'clock on a Monday night. Yeah, no, I don't really appreciate the sound of blood curdling, screaming happening at 11 o'clock at night. There's a lot of that too. No, there is.

Thanks, Sophie. Anthony, who did you call noise control on? I called noise control on my neighbour's daughter's six-year-old party. A six-year-old birthday party. This can't have been going at like 11 o'clock at night. No, no, it was going, it started at 10am and my son was actually going to the party itself, so he kind of got in trouble at the same time.

But how loud was it, Anthony? Well, I was outside just doing a bit of garden work and stuff and the kids were just screaming the house down. So I thought, no more of that. No more. You shut down a party your child was at. Yeah, well, he could have just jumped the fence and come home, but I thought I'd get the noise control to send him home. Because on noise control too

you get out little notes when they go out and it's like, and send Danny home, tell him to bring cake. Were there any tears when they shut it down? No, it was kind of everyone was kind of asking, you know, you could kind of hear over the fence

parents were going, oh, who do you think called noise control? Do you think it was that guy next door? You're that guy. You are. Anthony, thanks. You call Anthony. Some other text messages in. We got noise control called on us for building a deck.

But then they said they showed up at 10.40 at night. If they were building a deck at 10.40 at night, I can see why the bang, bang, bang, zzzz, bang, bang, bang could get a bit too much. Somebody else said I called noise control on the neighbour's rooster. I was studying for NCA exams and it just cock-a-doodle-do all day long. Drove me absolutely insane. And the number one text message we've got, so many people doing this, we called

noise control on our own party because we wanted it to be over but we didn't want to seem like the bad guys, so you sneak away, you call noise control. I've totally done that. Multiple times. Because you don't want to be the party pooper. You don't want to be like, everyone out.

Just do what Vaughn does and get the big black sack. And turn on the lights and start packing up. Oh, Vaughn. And then when everyone gets taxis to go to town, you're like, yeah, yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming. And then you just go to bed. Everyone's gone. Yeah, I'll come in the next taxi.

Yeah. Bye. Where are you? Oh, taxi got delayed. I'm on my way, promise. Nice. What a great podcast so far, wouldn't you agree, Fletch? Yes.

And it's all thanks to Spark. Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now, back to the podcast. Two-thirds of British men have admitted to doing this, and I want to know if it's the same in New Zealand. Although I don't know if you guys are going to be a good representation of this. Why?

So two-thirds of men in Britain have admitted that they now have a beauty regime. So they have said this includes face masks, skin toner and anti-wrinkle cream. In fact,

the product that they've spent the most money on is scrubs. Facial washes and scrubs. And nearly half have admitted using face masks regularly. I love a face mask, but I just don't find the time. I need to make more time for me.

My beauty regime. I don't understand people that are like, I can't find the time. You put it on and then you just walk around and do whatever you're doing. But then I always just forget. I'm like, I've got to do that thing. You should put a face mask on. I don't have the time. My beauty regime just consists of whatever we get sent for free.

I'll just use as a face wash. Yeah, that's really good stuff. And that's it. I don't... Like, we got sent that rosehip oil, and that's nice every now and again. That's nice? That's nice. You don't put that on every day?

No, you don't. Nah. I do. Like, I literally... What do you moisturise your face? I don't. Madness. That's madness.

Olive oil. Why is it madness? You put a bit of olive oil on there. From the kitchen. Honouring your Greek heritage. Yeah. I do so much that my husband calls it the bedtime parade because I've literally got to do, like, cleanse my face.

I do, like, a mask all, like, probably do three or four masks a week. You should stop for a month and be like that witch on Game of Thrones when she takes off her medallion and show him why the bedtime parade's good for him too. I've got like a toner I spray on my face. I've got like an oil, an eye cream. I've got night oils. I've got like a whole array. I can't believe you don't even moisturise.

Why is that bad? Like if my skin is dry, I'll just use a bit of the rosehip oil, again, that we got seen for free. And when that runs out... Smells nicer, doesn't it? I'll just... I don't know.

That's... Because, like, everyone has men's products and women's products, but essentially we're all humans with skin. A face. You know, I mean, men might have a little bit drier or a little bit more oily or whatever,

but it's all the same, really. So British men are spending around New Zealand $1,500 a year for essentials for their beauty regime. On face masks and everything. Wow, okay. It breaks down to just over $100 a month. Yeah, okay. That's probably similar to what women spend.

It's quite a bit. Producer James, seeing as Vaughan and I are just out, oh, and Ross Boss is in there as well. Do you guys have a beauty regime? Do you spend much on beauty products a month? My guess is Ross just uses whatever his wife's left in the shower. No, like I've got moisturiser and stuff, but I'm really lazy.

I just never use it until I go, oh, it's looking a bit bad, then use it once, and then that's it for another six months. I'm blessed. Fixed. That's BS, because I wouldn't say that any of you guys have bad skin. Exactly.

Not really. No, you're going to get to a certain age and it'll just fall off your face. And as a man. Because we're allowed to age like that. Yeah, isn't that funny? But maybe you don't need to be putting all this crap on your face. I mean, look at your burns the other week.

It's only because I didn't do a test patch of that one product. I never rock a test patch. Like when you're cleaning a carpet and somebody's like, find somewhere inside a cupboard and do a test patch. I'm like, don't tell me what to do, shake and vac. I mean, I'm using, I use a wash and a moisturiser at the moment only because my auntie works at a pharmacy and she gave me some for Christmas.

It's still lasting from Christmas. Oh, I had like three moisturisers, three face washes. It was great. There's one that's like a dark one and it's quite gritty. Oh, charcoal. Is it charcoal? It's charcoal. I've had a charcoal one.

That's good stuff. Yeah, it's good. So I reckon I might make it another couple of months, maybe till my birthday. But then when that runs out, will you buy more or just? No, probably not. Probably not. But doesn't your skin feel like great?

Yeah, it does. It makes it feel really nice, nice and smooth. But who cares? How much are they normally? It's a bit of money. It'll blow your mind, mate. Yeah? It'll blow your mind.

Yeah, because I had this one I quite liked because, again, we got sent it for free. And this is probably where I should say their name, but I can't remember. And when it ran out, I was like, I'll get some more of that. And as I went to the supermarket, I was like, I will not.

And that was in the supermarket. Yeah. Like, it was, I could throw something and hit the chippies from where I was trying to buy something for my face. What were you trying to buy? A moisturiser? No, like a wash.

It would have been like $15. Oh, no, it wasn't that much. That's crazy talk. But Shade always tells me off for using too much of hers because, and Fletch will back her up, I can't use a pea-sized anything. It's like just a pea-sized something. I'm like.

Oh, my God. Okay. Oh, my face and my hand. And then there's a bit, I've got a bit too much, so my shoulders. Yeah, right. So we really are the bees. Bucking those trees, aren't we? Yeah.

You're letting the Kiwi boys down. I love a face mask, though. Might chuck a face mask on today, but you say you just chuck it on and then do some jobs. Yeah. I've got some chainsawing to do this afternoon, so. You get the little sawdust and get stuck to it. Maybe that could be the secret, though. That could be good for the skin.

Like a cedarwood face mask. Yes, and it's just chips of cedarwood that have come off the chainsaw and stuck to my face because I did it with a face mask on. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan's Chichingo Bingo. So, Chichingo Bingo, our first one ever. Our first bingo night will be this Wednesday in Auckland. Now, when will be? You can register at ZM Online if you would like to join us.

The Elephant Wrestler in Takapuna. If you've never played bingo, then hey, we've never run a night of bingo. So that's great because your expectations will be low and we will probably fail to meet them. But we'll have fun. Producer Caitlin, is it true we've got those dabby pens that you use at bingo? Yes, I think we do. Dabbers. And to get your dabber at the start, you have to dab.

We trade dab for dab. So you come up, you're like, can I get your dabber at the start, you have to dab. We trade dab for dab. So you come up, you're like, can I get my dabber? And we're like, honey, if you dab, and then we, boom, you go dab.

That's so like, no, remember we're trying to be cool, Warren. Oh, gave up trying long time ago. We told you off air not to say that. Dab. Can I get a dabber, please? You know how to get it. Dab.

So we've got one, a big bingo ball machine as well. It's like in a cage, and you spin it around, and the balls come out. It's very exciting. Mm-hmm. So what else? That's it. Sweet. We're done.

Balls. We're good to go. Turn around. We've got the official bingo cards. Yeah. You get one of those. And we've been learning that you can play, like, you don't have to just play a game where you fill up the whole board or numbers.

You can play like corners or lines. Different rounds. Yeah, different diagonals and stuff. So we have lots of rounds and different prizes. We've got cash. Shall I say booby prizes or?

Just like prizes that are. Lulz. Yeah. Lulz prizes. Because someone might really like them. are... LOLs. Yeah. LOLs prizes. Because someone might really like them. Bar tabs as well. So just basically a fun night. Do we know all the rules?

ZM Online. Well, I mean, it's pretty self-explanatory. The only one I was a little bit... Iffy on. Iffy, yeah. Confused by. So say, for example, we're all playing bingo. Yeah.

And this is what... Maybe someone can answer this if you're listening. Say, for example, we fill, we do a line. Yeah. So they call out like legs 11. And we all, that completes a line. Yeah. Or a game for us. All at the same time.

And we all shout out bingo. Bingo. Or we'll probably, or we make people say cha-ching-go bingo. Yeah. Cha-ching-go bingo. Cha-ching-go-bingo? Yeah. Cha-ching-go-bingo. Cha-ching-go-bingo. Yeah. Do you have,

is it the first person who says bingo or is it everybody after that number is like, goes in the draw? You know what I mean? Or is it the first person,

yeah, who yells out cha-ching-go-bingo? Because I would have thought it's the first person because you've got to be onto it, right? You've got to be onto it.

Or is it a draw and then there's a secondary game to find the winner? Yeah, I don't know. Like a tiebreaker. Yeah. Or do you have a tiebreaker? Right. You've got 10 seconds and two colouring in pencils to do the best. They can't all win the Smiggles lunchbox.

No. What do you think, Producer Caitlin? You've been to a bingo? A bingo night? From my research, you play another fun game after that so like if two people in the drawer then we as the bingo runners have to come up with something that they do yeah we're gonna have a dab off no how many times can they do in 10 seconds oh my god on the internet they're going they're like dad we want to, dab. Your poor children.

They're like, dad, we want to have some fun today. And you're like, okay, have a dab off. Are you going to have to drop us around the corner when we go to Bingo Born? Oh. You kids don't even know what having fun's all about. Okay, so I think some kind of tiebreaker would be the ideal situation for that. Yeah. So you don't have to

yell it out first, but it's just after that number. Okay, yell it out first. But if two people win on the same number. Okay, yeah, right. And then three people might win on the same number. Because we don't want to split the prize. That would be. No, no, no. No, that's PC madness. PC madness.

There's got to be a winner and there's got to be a loser. And if you lose, everyone chants, loser. No one's going to chant. No one will do that. Unless they do five dabs and then no one calls them loser. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. Maybe we just call

our dab markers markers. No, they're dabbers. They're dabbers. Okay. And what else producer Caitlin? We've got the balls

in the machine. We're sorted. This will be easy. You guys sound like you are all over it. I'm so glad that you're running it. We will have a microphone.

Perfect. I don't think I can come, so... No, I'll be there to actually organise it. Everything we're supposed to say, like, legs 11 and... Yes, we have... I don't like that two fat ladies one. Vaughan was supposed to do some research in the weekend. Did you do that, Vaughan?

Yep. I'm not showing you because you don't believe me. I'll show you tomorrow. So you didn't do it. Yes, I'll show you tomorrow. So you didn't do it. Yes, I did. You're not getting a set until tomorrow either. It's Game of Thrones tonight

so you're not going to do it tonight, are you? We'll see. You're not going to get the set until Wednesday. I believe that you did it. Thank you, Megan. You'll have to trust me

and I'll show you Wednesday too. All right, well, if you'd like to join us for the first Chichingo Bingo night in Auckland at the Elephant Wrestler in Takapuna on Wednesday night, you can register at ZM Online and register as well if you're in Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin over the next three weeks. We'll be getting our bingo, Chichingo Bingo around the country.

If, I mean, if it goes well, I think we'll extend it out and do some more after that. I mean, we'll just see how it goes. It might just be an absolute disaster. Yeah, so if we don't do any more... It's been a disaster. Are all the places... Yeah, we've just written it off

and we'll never talk about it again like other things we've done on the show. Are all the places we're going to, do they sell food and beverage? Yes, Vaughan. Wonderful, wonderful. I don't want to have to have to think about catering. I've got to do all that bloody work I should have done over the weekend.

I don't have time to organise catering. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan, the podcast. On the 20th of May, the final episode of Game of Thrones will air just after midday New Zealand time. And then that's it. That is it after all these years. They must have had the screening, a viewing,

because I saw Amelia Clark put on Instagram like a big thank you message to everybody for the 10 years or whatever, because I think it started production way before we saw the first season. Because when did the first episode come out? 2010? So it's been nine years.

Because I was like, I think I was season three, I jumped on the bandwagon. I was season four, jumped on the bandwagon. I was season four jumped on. Yeah. Season one. Were you actually season one? Season one.

How did you even find out about it? It was like a massive deal. It was HBO's biggest show in like 10 years or something that had dropped an insane amount of cash on. I was like, oh yeah, dragons, medieval looking, no way. I know, that put so many people on. No way. Because I remember you talking about it. I was like, dragons. It dragons, medieval looking, no way. I know, that puts so many people off. No way. Because I remember you talking about it.

I was like, dragons. What a piece of... Silly dragons. Zombies. No, thank you. Luckily, CGI in 2019 is better than... Because it took a while for the dragons to come in, didn't it? Were they in the first...

No. Flying around, they weren't flying around. No, they weren't flying for quite some time. No, they were eggs in the first season. Yeah, they were. They were little avocados. Well, a lot of talk about who will be on the Iron Throne. Or who will be ruling at the end.

Yeah, because that's the whole thing. Is there even an Iron Throne? Spoiler alert if you haven't watched last week. But is there even an Iron Throne that's been melted down and sold as scrap? Some local scrap dealer's like, yeah, I'll take that off your hands. No questions asked, obviously. Yeah. Get the old furnace fired up.

Who's going to even survive tonight's episode? So a lot of, you know, a lot of, we don't do it in New Zealand, but Australia, you know, at the weekend they took bets on who'd win the election. In the UK, they're big on not just sports betting, but, you know, royal baby names and also betting for who will be on the Iron Throne,

who will be ruling at the end of this episode. And a lot of them have suspended bets in the last week or two. Oh, because someone was showing too much increase. Well, just because it's getting close and a lot more people are going to get to see the episode before it is, I guess, people that work in TV and stuff. But as has happened in the past, reading an article with things like

who's going to be the next Doctor Who or what's going to happen in Doctor Who or British TV shows, they start to notice patterns of unusual wages. You know, like one person getting a lot more bets than others due to leaks and family and production and crews knowing a bit because imagine you worked on the crew of game of thrones six months ago eight months ago you'd probably know who's gonna be yeah you'd tell your mum and be like just place a bid on this person or you sign probably signed a big contract saying if you do tell your mum we'll sue you for millions and millions of dollars you'll never see your mum again but there is one

there is one person that they suspended betting on and they were looking like a bit of a long shot, but they ended up... Oh, wait. Do you want me to tell you? I don't think I do. Because this sounds like... I mean...

That's a spoiler. Yeah. I almost think it is. Well, yeah, it is. If they're saying it's been taken out because they think there's been a production leak. If suddenly everyone's placing bets on this one outside person,

I mean, it could just be an anomaly. That's the thing. It could just be an anomaly. And once you see a few people start doing it, you'd be like, oh yeah, I'm going to do that too.

It could have just been an online story that someone had been like, you know, I think this is who's going to be on the throne. Joffrey. Yeah. Robert Baratheon. Stage is on the throne. Joffrey. Yeah.

Robert Baratheon. Stage is a massive comeback. He didn't even die in the first season. He's just chilling. He's just chilling. Comes back. He went for a party. He's there at the end.

But yeah, either way, you're going to want to stay off Facebook because those US websites are ruthless. As soon as that show finishes, they don't care. And headlines. They don't keep it for the story, like the body of the story. It's just straight up on the headline.

If you need a show to fill that gap, I would thoroughly, I know we talked about it briefly, but there's two episodes out and another one comes out this week. And I think it's going to be five episodes long. Right. Chernobyl. It's on Neon? Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's on Sky. I've seen the Soho. And Neon online. Is that fiction or is it just real life? No, no, it's all based on accounts of people who were dealing with the Chernobyl and the official documents and diaries and one guy's accounts of it all. It's nuts. Oh my, it is terrifying how bad it was and even more terrifying

how close it was to being so much worse. So much worse. Oh, yeah, we wouldn't have had a lot of Europe right now. And Fletch wanted through those. There might have been a 30-kilometre-wide hole in the ground if one simple thing had happened. It would have caused an explosion that would have created a 30-kilometre hole. Spoiler alert.

Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. On that historic event. Spoiler alert. The Titanic sank. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. So Kim and Kanye have named their fourth child, their son.

They've named him Psalm West. P-S-A-L-M. Now, there's no official word from Kim and Kanye as to why they did, but there's lots of discussion online. And people have been saying he's going through a bit of a spiritual revival lately. Because what did he do? The Sunday sessions. Yeah, he did Sunday sessions at Coachella.

Yeah. Didn't he? So he does them every Sunday, like takes everyone to church. What's a Sunday session? Goes to a bar and listens to obnoxious house music with their mates on a Sunday afternoon? They've not seen it on the gram.

So he basically runs his own church service. Oh, I definitely won't be following him on the gram. Huge choir, all the kids church service. Oh, I definitely might be following him on the gram. Huge choir, all the kids come along, everyone's just like singing in a field. Looks like a field, it's probably their backyard. No. So yeah, it's about his spiritual revival. They said it's

kind of a personal thing between Kim Kanye and the child and also Psalm means song in Hebrew. So, I mean, all of that explains. You're like, okay, okay. But I just think you've got to think about, like, this kid growing up. And this kid will be fine because it's always going to have growing up. It's going to grow up in money.

Yes. Privilege. It's going to grow up in privilege. And that's great. That's fine. But if it wasn't, like, it'd be pretty hard to have a name like that. And you can't go everywhere explaining everyone, okay, so my name came from my dad's spiritual revival.

It also means song in Hebrew. You can't explain it. You're still going to be in class and someone's going to read out Psalm, West. You're like, all they're going to say, Sam. You're going to be like, I'll take it. Peace, Psalm. Peace, Psalm. I'd be looking forward as an adult to going on my first trip to Starbucks

just to see what that person could possibly say. So I looked at babycenter.com, the popularity of this name over time. US population, babies per million at the most, five or six per million. So it's not at all a very popular name. In 2019, popularity was 2,891 on the list of overall baby names. Wow. I mean, this is just on one side. We need to come back to this in a year or two.

Somebody said they're a schoolteacher. They've just text messaged in their schoolteacher. They know multiple Psalms. Really? Psalms. There's multiple at their school, yeah. I wonder if you ever... A weird name.

Like, if they're going to grow up and be like, oh, I just want to change it. Well, now that Kanye's... Now that there's a celebrity Psalm, do you mean? No, just because they don't like it. No, I just mean even Psalm West. So we ran a poll on our Instagram this morning just to see if there's anyone out there

that wishes they could change their name. We asked, do you wish you could change your name? 18% of people, so this is like hundreds of people saying yes. They'd change their name. Whereas 82% are like, nah, love my name, it's mine. I think that it would be more likely

that you'd want to change your name From something really boring And everyday Yeah I was going to be like Have you wanted to change yours Vaughn? No Okay Vaughn

Sound effect Should I have? Sound effect The absolute sass It's a sound effect Megan does make a good point It does sound like everything. Like when people are like yelling one syllable words,

it all sounds like Vaughan. Like I used to play golf and people would yell four and I'd turn around and be like, yes. But oh my God. That's obviously when you duck behind your golf bag, you don't turn around and go, yes. Yeah. So I know I've never wanted to change mine,

but I was thinking if you were like a young, like a nine-year-old called Keith, you might be like, I've thought about it. Yeah. But then that's almost like, it would almost be cool being that young or being called Keith now. Yeah, I think that's kind of cool.

Yeah, like a real little fellow and they're like, hey, mate, what's your name? He's like, Keith. And you'd be like, I like you already, Keith. But you drive a ute to school, don't you, Keith? I'm only seven. So you drive a ute. Yeah, I drive a ute, but don't tell anybody.

So, okay, this is what we want to find out from people. Who are the 18%? Do you wish that you could change your name and why? Yeah. Because maybe your parents did give you, like, maybe your parents were happy. Yeah, maybe it could be fancy and weird or it could just be really dull to you. Or they spelt it a really weird way. Oh, yeah.

Like, that can be hard sometimes because it's a name that sounds like everyone, but by the sound of that, I'll be able to spell it. But then they can never get your version right. Because you'd just be forever trying to get people to spell your name. Yeah. It would be horrible. So, okay, 0800DARLSATM. Give us a call now. You can text 9696. Do you wish that you could spell your name. Yeah. It would be horrible. So, okay, 0800DARLSATM. Give us a call now.

You can text 9696. Do you wish that you could change your name? So the latest Kardashian baby is called Salm, as in P-S-A-L-M. It just sounds like you're saying Sam fancy. Salm. Salm. My name is Salm.

Like how you say salmon. Salmon. Salmon. I'll have some Salmon. If there's a posh way of saying something, say salmon. Salmon. Salmon. I'll have some salmon. If there's a posh way of saying something, say it. Yeah. Why not? So, yeah, just thinking about Sam when he grows up,

maybe he would like to change his name. Maybe. We would like to know if you have ever wanted to change your name. We ran a poll and there were 18% of people responding in New Zealand that said, yeah, I want to change my name. Not a huge percentage, but when it's like hundreds of votes, that's still a decent amount of people. Yeah, it's still quite, well, it's a few hundred people. Yeah.

Somebody said they actually paid to have their middle name removed. $92 is what it cost them. Best $92 they ever spent. They won't tell me what their middle name was. Oh, you can't do that. No one sees it. No one sees your middle name. They didn't like it. They didn't tell me what their middle name was. Oh, you can't do that. No, I know. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. No one sees it. No one sees your middle name. No, they didn't like it.

They didn't replace it. They didn't change their first name or last name. They just got rid of the middle one. It was just that they didn't like it. Yeah, because my dad doesn't have a middle name. Because why? I guess you just need one if what? If you've got a common name.

No, I just like it because you can put like a... Yeah, you can get real wacky with a middle name. You could be like John Smith, but your middle name could be like LaSqueesha. Which is just the name I say. John LaSqueesha Smith.

No, LaSqueesha. LaSqueesha, oh sorry. And then when John starts an Instagram profile mostly about his travels, he'll drop his last name and just go with John LaSqueesha. And that's how it works. I'd love to see John LaSqueesha's travels. That's why so many people have a blogger or something that's got Rose in it.

Because their middle name's Rose. And they're like, well, it's better than my last name, which is Anderson. So I'm going to be Sarah Rose. Please text in and tell us what your middle name is that you deleted. Please. Please. Please. And we want to hear from you.

Why do you want to change your name? Like, do you hate your name? Leroy, good morning. Morning. That's a great name. It is a good name if you can say it. Right. When I was growing up, I couldn't say Leroy.

I couldn't get the L and I couldn't get the R. So I used to get so anxious trying to introduce myself. And I'd be like, my name's Leroy I couldn't get the L And I couldn't get the R So I used to get so anxious Trying to introduce myself And I'd be like My name's Leroy Leroy I couldn't say the L Leroy

I'm Leroy Oh my name's Leroy Yeah actually Actually That's so cute It is Why I'm Leroy But now

Now obviously You're fine with the name Leroy Yeah it's alright And I get a lot of Leroy Jenkins As well Yeah I was just That was my first thing When you came on I fine with the name Leroy. Yeah, it's all right. And I get a lot of Leroy Jenkins as well. Yeah, that was my first thing when you came on. I wanted to yell out, Leroy Jenkins. I was thinking Leroy Brown. Leroy Brown.

Bad, bad, Leroy Brown. Right. Yep. That was my first year teacher's nickname for me. So that was fun. Oh, great. Nice. Wee-Woy, thanks for your call.

Wee-Woy. Shee-Auntie, thanks for your call. Wee-Wooi. Shianti, good morning. Good morning. Did I say that right? Yeah, you did. Yes. Shianti's a type of wine, isn't it? I know that's what I get all the time

but like for my old people then they call me Chianti. Chianti. So do you wish that you could change your name? Yes. Because you're... I'm so anxious about it. When I try to like introduce myself,

yeah, it's just so hard. And then I guess you'd have to spell it out to people as well? Yeah. And you're in that really famous Science of the Lambs quote. Oh, yes. I ate his liver with some fa-fa beans and a nice she-an tape. Oh, yeah.

Okay. I remember. Have you ever hit your mum up about that and been like, thanks, mum? Um, no. I don't think I have, actually.

Right. I just kind of let it be, but I do hate it. Okay. What better time to bring it up now than it's well established and it's never been

a problem before? Mums love dealing with these sorts of things. You're now adults and yeah, exactly. Oh no, I've done something to the phone line. No, that's their name. They're just introducing themselves. Some text messages. It's a long one.

I knew someone who tried to name their kid Education Illuminati. Education because she wasn't going to have any more kids. Yeah. End of an era. And Illuminati because of that whole wasn't going to have any more kids. Yeah. End of an era. And Illuminati because of that whole thing. That doesn't make sense. Safe to say it didn't get approved. Ed, will you just call it?

Well, yeah, thankfully we've got some checks, haven't we? Balances and checks. Yeah. Although some still get through, don't they? Someone said, my partner's name is Visanya. Our oldest is Cyrus and our youngest isorn, and my name's just James. Wait, is James the youngest? No, no, no, James is the dad.

Oh. Right. The partner's got a flash name. Cyrus and Thorn are their kids, and he's just James. So he might want to change to get on board with the outrageous rock star sounding family name situation. They do sound like a band. Yeah, they do.

Yeah, they do. Like the other members of U2. Thorn would be on bass. Yeah. They sound like a band. Yeah, they do. Yeah, they do. Like the other members of U2. Thorn would be on bass. Yeah. Zivania on drums. Yeah. Probably just because of Zildjian symbols and they both start with Z.

Yeah. I've given the band our backstory in my mind. It's really coming along. A few Craigs text messaging in. Oh. I feel like we've probably played our part. Yeah. Craigs wanting to.

Craigs and Jareds. Oh, Jared, yeah. Why do you have a thing against Jared? Did someone beat you up? Did Jared beat you up when you were at school or something? No. It's never particularly sat well. Did it?

Right. My name is Smurf3, and I literally spend five minutes teaching everybody I meet how to say it. Smurf? And everyone just calls me Smurf because it sounds like Smurf. It's S-M-R-U-T-H-I. So the R and the U are around the wrong way, but otherwise it would just be Smurfy.

Right. Smurfy. Smurfy. Smurfy. But then that's the thing about the world we live in and cultures coming together and we get this exciting blend of names. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about Little Woods Law.

Little Woods Law. Little Woods. Little. Little. Little Woods. Littlewood's Law. Littlewood's. Little. Littlewood's Law. Littlewood's Law. Littlewood's Law. It's named after a mathematician, John Littlewood. He's a professor.

He was a professor at Cambridge University. Go ahead. You had a question. No, I'm poised. Are you poised? You're ready for a question. I'll wait till you're done. He has worked out, he worked out in 1986 that once a month,

a miracle will happen to everybody. What? Once a month, you are likely to experience something with the odds of a million to one. Oh, so it's not actually a miracle. Well, that's what I'm considering. That is defined by the law as a miracle. If something's a million to one and it ends up happening,

that's considered a miracle. So that's the mathematical term of miracle. If something's a million to one and it ends up happening, that's considered a miracle. So that's the mathematical term of miracle. I'm just trying to think of the last month. Nothing miracle has happened to me. Something will have happened to you that was a million to one chance. I didn't get hit by that bus. Bingo. One million to one chance.

I got nothing. You probably don't notice them because they happen all the time. But he worked it out and he said, basically, if there's enough, if it's a large enough amount of people, which there is, I don't know if you've caught the latest figures, but there's heaps of humans. Oh, the population booming. Heaps of humans.

And we're all doing things. Chances are we'll do a million to one. You know, like maybe if you threw something in the bin and it bounced off. Like, you know that just last Friday at the, we were trying to drop chips into the dip. Yeah. And that one fell and bounced off the thing and then off the scissor lift

and then bounced off the ground and flipped up and landed in the dip. That's got to be a million to one chance, right? Because you can do that a million times and it wouldn't happen. Yeah. But we're just doing enough stuff, enough of, so often, and there's enough of us that we're all experiencing million to one chances

of things happening once a month. Except Lotto. But that's way more than a million to one. Oh yeah, it is too. That's way more than a million to one chances. How much is it? What are the chances? Heaps of millions of chance.

Isn't it? Because there's six, there's six numbers. So even picking, if there was only six numbers and they came out in six different orders, that would be exponential six. The odds of winning any six number

line, first division, is one in 3.8 million. 1.38 million? Yeah. How many numbers is that? And then the odds of getting Powerball, so any six line plus one, Powerball is one in 38 million. Yes, crazy though because there's only eight numbers in getting Powerball, so any six line plus one, Powerball is one in 38 million. Yes, crazy though, because there's only eight numbers in the Powerball,

but it increases it by tenfold. Yeah. So every time you add another number, it gets way harder and the odds are way longer. But he's saying if you look around and notice it, I love how mathematicians are always trying to steal magic from the universe. Like we have something where we're like, that's going to be a million or a chance.

Amazing. He's like, not really, happens every month that's going to be a million or a chance. Amazing. He's like, not really. Happens every month. Oh, damn science and your damn miracle stealing. Yeah. So next time someone experiences something or does something great and you're in a slightly sarky, cynical mood and you want to drag them back down to earth where the rest of us are,

tell them that we're all likely to experience a one in a million thing once a month because that's Littlewood's law. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. You are a cat person, Fletch, right? Yes. Do you like doggies? You do, you do.

I've seen you go pretty goo-goo over dogs. Yeah. I probably would get a dog, but I wouldn't get a little silly dog like yours. I'd get a big dog that I wouldn't be able to control. I saw a Tabesha Mastiff again at the weekend in real life, and I'm like, you are great. You look like a bear, but you would also be very hard to keep clean. Yeah.

Oh, do you want me to talk? Because you just insulted my dog, you bear. So apparently loving dogs is not just like a choice. It's in your DNA. So scientists have done studies on twins, not identical and identical, and they've found that twins that share DNA both love dogs or both don't like dogs. And then those who don't share identical DNA often have arguments. Oh, so I thought you were saying everybody loves dogs, it's genetic. But you're saying if you do love dogs, there's some genetic connection to it. So they can't pinpoint

what gene it is, but they've chalked this down to if you're a dog person. Chalk this up. Chalk this down. You don't chalk it down, you chalk it up. I just feel like I'm attacked in this book. I always run chalk down into a chalkboard and I don't run it up. When you're writing,

you write the chalk down. Yeah, you chalk down. If you were doing a tally. You're doing tallies of five. I don't run it up. When you're writing, you write the chalk down. Yeah, you chalk down. If you were doing a tally. Or is it that you're doing tallies of five? You're not doing it up, are you? But yeah, you're right. When you go chalk, I always go. I would like that saying changed, please. Chalk it down.

Hey, you chalk up, you chalk down. You're not hurting anybody with your decisions. Don't chalk shame me. I won't chalk shame you. Yeah, so that's basically it. It's in your DNA. I always find it weird when twins like or don't or have a difference of opinion on things.

Or like different things. And you're like, well, surely they should be the same. They're twins. Like identical twins. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they share DNA, so. Well, it's supposedly the dog thing.

I don't know if it's like. And then did they look at cats as well? Cat people? No, cat owners supposedly the dog thing. I don't know if it's like for all animals. And then did they look at cats as well? Cat people? Cat owners are just assholes. That's genetic as well. Just like the cats. Yeah, is it? Right.

Genetic imposition. Do you want to mention while we're talking about pets, is that there's something you might see in the news over the next few days. It's called Pet Refuge. This has been set up after research from the Women's Refuge here in New Zealand found out that 50% of victims of domestic abuse delay leaving their abusive partners because they're worried about what's going to happen to their pets.

More than 70%. That's crazy. No, that's new research. 70% of people in domestic violence cases had their pet threatened to be killed by their abusive partner. So that's why 50% would delay leaving because they weren't sure if they go to a woman's refuge, can you take a pet?

There was a lot of unanswered questions, what I want to do with my dog. So Pet Refuge is set up to help look after animals whose owners need to escape abusive households and then the Pet Refuge will look after your pet for you while the whole situation... Well, because that's the thing. You love a pet like a member of the family, don't you?

Yeah. So it would be hard to just leave a pet. I read a story about it, and a lot of people will threaten the pet knowing that it's a weak point of their partner. They're abusing physically, mentally, by the sounds of things, to say, you know, if you leave, that pet's dead.

I'm going to kill that. Yeah, so it's just... That's crazy, eh? Another thing, another... Helping out, saying that we can take care of your pet while you're in Women's Refuge and trying to restart life, I guess. Yeah, so if you see them around, they're doing some collections and stuff, so

check them a couple of bucks. Help them out, yep. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here. ZM.