ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 21 2018

Episode Date: May 20, 2018

Send your partner a maintenance txt to help your relationship and there was a wedding in the weekend.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. Shoot incredible videos in super slow-mo with the Samsung Galaxy S9. 10 out of 10. ZDM Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. You mentioned the eruption in Hawaii, the Noah's Ark, rescuing all the pets. I'm sorry, but geese. You said geese.

Yeah. Yeah, because if they die, like Western Springs and Auckland's got heaps, you can come and get some of those. Roofie them and take them to Hawaii. I don't want them. Get them gone. Cats, dogs, fine. Get those to safety.

But I'm sorry, you can let geese go, can't you? Oh, that's... What's wrong with geese? Well, you've got to draw the line. Where do you draw the line, Megan? Then you've got to rescue the sparrows. If it's Noah's Ark, you need one of every single animal. You need two of every single animal. Two.

And even then, you're really letting yourself into inbreeding and genetic issues. We're going to start eating each other. Very small gene pool. I'm beginning to think that was a made-up story. Excuse me. Seems a bit impossible if you ask me. Yeah. Because it would have to rain forever and ever to flood like that.

Incredible photos of the eruption, though. The lava has wrecked the sea. There was a photo of the lava, and it looked like it may have been following a creek. Holy moly. It was like a river of fire. And the trees on the side were all on fire. And it was making its way to the sink.

And that can all happen here. Well, I actually took my daughters up a volcano at the weekend. One of the old volcanic kinds. What are you trying to scare them? Yep. And I said, look around. See all the bits that are pointing up? Yeah, we do, Dad.

Those are all volcanoes. Real volcanoes? Yep. They could explode and melt us all at any minute. Nice bit of calming walk with the family. No, they know that they're like dormant and stuff, but yeah. It's crazy. When you get up on a volcano in Auckland and you look around and you're like, heavens.

There's a lot of you here, isn't there? We've built an entire city on volcanoes. Seems short-sighted. You think there's a housing shortage now? You wait until three quarters of them are burnt down. Sorry, that's a bit dark. It's a real downer start to the show. Oh, how about that wedding?

Oh my God, didn't she look beautiful? My God, real downer start to the show. Oh, how about that wedding? Oh, my God. Didn't she look beautiful? My God, I'm just ready to be a royalist again. There we go. I'm surprised how much I got into that. I was like, oh, I don't know if I'll stay up for this. Because you didn't have to dress up and you didn't have to buy them a present. Those are your two least favourite things about weddings.

Exactly. Mind you, you also didn't get to eat, and that's your favourite thing about weddings. Well, I got to eat at home while I was watching it. And drink. And drink. Pims. A lot of pims. Did you have a little party?

No, I just had a friend come over. Yeah, I had some drinks as well. I had a room temperature buttery shard. No, actually. What have you become? I've developed a taste for the shard. I'm onto the shard now. It's because you're hitting middle age. I know.

No finer sign of it. You're practically a middle-aged womanard now. It's because you're hitting middle age. I know. No finer sign of it. You're practically a middle-aged woman. Yeah. In fact, you're years away from menopause. God, it's hot in here, isn't it? Sweetie, now it's cold. God, I'm moody. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Three stories, three news headlines that I've found are not royal wedding related at all. Good. So they're the three things on the internet that aren't royal wedding related. Very hard to find news last night that wasn't royal wedding or any way related to the

royal wedding. Three headlines you picked. One, headline one, GoFundMe payback suite. Headline two, Air Force apologises for referencing Yanny Laurel. And headline three, delicate training seminar for firefighters. Actually, I saw that walk past the Sky City the weekend they were doing the firefighter step thing. Oh, jeez.

It's like over a million dollars I read somewhere. And then what, and it's history. Or just, I don't know. Just this year. Or just this year, I don't know. I mean, I a million dollars I read somewhere. And it's history. Or just this year. Or just this year. I don't know. I mean, I didn't delve into the story. I couldn't do that in my active wear, let alone with all that gear on. I don't have the knees for it.

You've got delicate chicken legs. You need to take the lift back down, eh? Excuse me. Both you bitches, shut up. Because only one person in this room is running a marathon. These chicken legs do the damn job, all right? How do you not run a marathon? It's skinny.

I've done a half marathon. But that's like, I just do that again and I've done a marathon. Or with a decade between. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you're going to be like that, I've definitely run a marathon in my life. Collectively, all the times I've run. Yeah, I've walked a marathon. Okay, you've done a marathon.

I've done an ultra marathon. You're not getting a big tank up the Sky Tower, are you? Oh, God, run. Yeah, I've walked a marathon. Okay, you've done a marathon. I've done an ultra marathon. You're not getting a big tank up the Sky Tower, are you? Oh, God, no, no, no, no. But it's just that everything, it's not the chicken legs, it's a bit of everything a bit let down. The knees. The knees, my knees.

I'd be halfway up and be like, okay, Steve, put down those tanks because you've got to carry me the rest of the way. My knees. Oh, I don't know. You pick. I like that one then. Three.

Delicate training seminar? Yeah. Okay. All good stories today. We go to Germany now. Okay. I've got to be delicate over this. Oh, okay.

Over the delicate training. I've got to be delicate. Read the delicate training. Okay. We're in Germany. That should give the story away a little bit. Nazis. But firefighters, no.

What's the other thing you think of when you think of Germany? Pretzels. The other thing. Sausages. Octoberfest. You're close, Vaughn. Sausages. Sausages, yes.

So we're supposed to think sausages and Nazis. Well, Nazis is always number one. And they're a bit kinky, right? That's where I was going with that one. And they're a bit kinky, right? That's where I was going with that. Germans, they're a bit kinky. Like wee-wees. Wee-wees. Let's not go there.

Let's not jump in there. Firefighters have spent the weekend preparing themselves for some pretty hairy situations. Hairy? Was that like you kind of gave emphasis to that? We obviously know that Germany is known in parts for its kinky nature And people do love to experiment with things, toys, etc So sometimes those toys get a little too attached to their owners

Oh my god, are they training the firefighters to I'm going to show you a picture, Megan Like a cat stuck up a tree What the hell is that? It's a pretend one, it's not a picture, Megan. Like a cat stuck up a tree. What the hell is that? It's a pretend one. It's not a real penis. Has it got a ring stuck on it? Yes.

So they spent the weekend training and dealing with tackling such emergency issues. A seminar for 600 firefighters in Dresden, East Germany. They learned exactly how to remove certain items. Wow. Yeah. How? From a fake manhood. How? Well, I mean, if you see here that they put in like a little

it looks like a little tiny cake scoop. You know, like a... Like a troweling a trowel, yeah. A tiny trowel. A cake decorating trowel. Like a flat shoehorn. Like a tiling tool. Yeah, so they wrap the member in like a cloth or a bandage and then they kind of lever it up and then cut it. Just go get some Cremelta out of the fridge.

Lather it in Cremelta. That stuff's as slippery as buggery. It'll come right off. If you were in that predicament, would you want to call the fire brigade? Wouldn't you just like sneak off to the hospital quietly? Well, yeah, but then I guess would you want to call the fire brigade? Wouldn't you just sneak off to the hospital quietly? Well, yeah, but then I guess they've got to call the firefighters anyway. So it's bandaged to prevent injuries from flying sparks and then a paste,

which is able to absorb 4,000 degrees Celsius. Do you know there was such a thing? No. I had no idea. It's spread on the... Penis. On the penis to prevent burns.

A spatula is then inserted between the member and the ring before it can be cut off with a grinder. The delicate procedure should take less than 15 minutes.

And so that's what they spent the weekend doing is grinding. Wow. Yikes. But isn't that amazing that there's such a demand that they're all training for it? It's happened enough that there's got to be a training seminar for it. Yeah.

Wow. I mean, it goes on. Surely it'll come off. No, because it'll go on and then the swelling will make it much harder to get off. Right. Okay. And then it only gets worse. But what if you think about Nana and stuff?

Then it will, like... What? Nana shouldn't be putting anything on her penis. I'd be very worried. If Nana had a penis, that would be concerning. Speaking of which, it's my Nan's birthday today. Is it? She won't be listening because of this sort of filth that we talk about. But it's her 84th birthday. 84. Yeah, she'll be concerning. Speaking of which, it's my nan's birthday today. Is it? She won't be listening because of this sort of filth

that we talk about, but it's her 84th birthday. 84. Yeah, she'll be stoked. Warriors had a win at the weekend. It's basically what she lives for, the Warriors, to win a premiership,

so no pressure, but hurry up. Hurry up. Because she's 84. F-E-M-S. My wife gets quite frustrated with me. Wouldn't you? Have you had to deal with this more than you already do?

Yeah. But she gets frustrated with me because I always, what are you thinking about? Because I get a bit daydreamed and a bit lost. And over the weekend, it's always about time. Right. It's always like about time that she gets. Are you like late or do you dilly dally?

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's my thoughts on time. Like I said during the weekend, she could see I was thinking, she's like, what do you think about? I said, did you know I have now lived on this side of the millennial, the millennium,

for as long as I lived before it. Like if you take year 2000, that's almost the central point of my life now. So I was 17 when the millennium happened and I turned 18 just afterwards and now I'm 36. So I'm just kind of like, that's the

halfway point for you. The balance point of my life. She's like, why do you do this? I was like, well, we're, and then I just, I did the old,

well, we're all dying. It's just a matter of time. It's a matter of time. There's oxygen, the poison that keeps us alive but also sends us to death. She's like, would you stop it, please?

We're trying to watch a lovely royal wedding. Oh, my God. So that sort of thing. And then it was amplified by the fact I got a message on Instagram over the weekend from some people who listened to the show and they were listening to the podcast and they were doing a bit of a road trip. I can't remember the names. A young couple, they're driving through Huntley.

And she messaged me on Instagram saying, hey, on a road trip with my boyfriend, just listening to the show They're driving through Huntley. Yep. And she messaged me on Instagram saying, hey, on a road trip with my boyfriend, just listening to the show, just driving through Huntley. Love the podcast. What was it? Which was confusing. I was like, what was what? Okay. And she said, what was Decker? Because we've

just driven past the Decker sign in Huntley and we know it's a thing. What was Decker? And I was like, wow. I remember Decker. You're old. Yeah, I got lost in Decker sign in Huntley. And we know it's a thing. What was Decker? And I was like, wow. I remember Decker. You're old. Yeah, I got lost in Decker. I hid from my mother in Decker. I got sad when they shut down Decker. Was it just like farmers? It was, yeah, like a Kmart.

Yeah, more like Kmart. Yeah, like an early Kmart. It was the cheaper farmers, right? And then what happened? It ended up getting purchased by farmers. And they just got rid of by farmers. But it blows my mind. They just drove, they drove past this and people

drove past it in Huntley and they know that it's this landmark but they don't know what it celebrates. The only thing I remember about Decca is the one in Nelson

had like, like a bin in, like lollies right at the door. That's the only thing I remember about it. People used to run in, grab lollies.

Because as a kid it was very easy to just nick a roses. They'd write like premium, you had your premium choccies in there. Oh yeah. In the bins. And they had the wrapped sweets. Those were always the ones you went for because you felt like the unwrapped ones were going to have

been touched. Been on the floor. Yeah, mum's like, don't, because kids put their snotty hands in there because they've been touching their face. You don't want those ones. If you're going to steal Vaughan, steal the rat lollies. Like, mum, you're full of great life lessons.

So I just, it blew my mind that people happily drive past and they're like, there's the Decker sign. Gosh, I wonder what that was. Never mind,

I'm with our day. But then a lot of people wouldn't. No, I know. Because it would have ended at the end of the 90s. Yeah, but I know about stuff

from before I was born or, you know, from when I was a kid that's kind of New Zealand history. You retain useless facts. I do. And defunct shopping chains isn't New Zealand history.

Not really. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yeah, no, that was their song in their ad, by the way. But yeah, so if you're driving, I just wanted sort of a PSA. Right. For people who are now old enough to drive, but not old enough to remember what Decker was.

Decker was a department store. A part of New Zealand history, you would say. Many kids got a smack because you were allowed to smack your kids when Decker was around. Did you know what? Many kids got a smack for mucking around in Decker. Did you know what Decker was, Caitlin? No idea.

No. No. Yeah, but you grew up in Glory Valley. You wouldn't even know what Farmers was if we hadn't freed you. If we hadn't saved you. We had a four square. That was all we needed. It's actually all we still have.

Oh, no, we've got a pie shop. Apparently everyone loves it. A pie shop and a four square. Yeah. And fairly. But see, like four square. Imagine four square going out of business. That'd be terrible, wouldn't it?

Yeah. Oh, that music stopped at the most opportunely dramatic moment in the background. But yeah, deckers are the department store. Right, okay. On with your day. Vaughan's history lesson for Monday. Just wanted to put that out there for everybody.

Okay. Starbucks had a little bit of trouble in the States recently. A man was just sitting, waiting for friends, and someone called the police on him. Two of them? Yeah, two black men were just kind of waiting and they hadn't bought anything. So Starbucks staff reported to the police

and they were arrested. They'd done nothing wrong. They just had an audit because apparently their friend hadn't arrived yet and they were being polite. Yeah. There's no racial problem in America.

I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, there's certainly no racial profiling. Have you seen the video of that woman calling the police on the black family having a barbecue? Yeah. racial problem in America. I don't know what you're talking about. Oh, there's certainly no racial profiling. Have you seen the video of that woman calling the police on the black family having a barbecue? Yeah.

Yeah, I saw that. And then the... She's having a barbecue. She calls the police. Yeah, yeah. I know. What, in a park or something? Yeah, this was last...

That was last week. And then, so then the neighbourhood put on a big barbecue picnic. Yeah. Invited everyone except her. Oh, good. Yeah. What did they call it. Oh, good. Yeah.

What did they call it? Barbecue Barbara or something. Barbecue Barbara. Yeah, she did. She became a meme and she's been photoshopped into movies where black people

are just chilling and she's on the phone to the police calling the police about whatever they're up to. But it's led to Starbucks having a new policy that if you're in their store,

regardless of whether or not you've ordered anything, you're a customer and the customer's always right and you don't call the police on customers. In America, they shut all their stores for a day for staff training. Yeah. Because how many stores would there be in America? Thousands.

Oh, so many. Yeah, there would be thousands. I'm just trying to think, even in LA alone, I can in my head. Some of them are just small sort of kiosk types. Some of them are massive stores. But then if you were running a big company,

how do you know that you haven't hired a racist? That's true. It's hard, isn't it? To keep track of all your staff and what they're doing. And then some, you know, a-hole that someone's employed does this and you're just like, oh, come on. You've got to do what you can, I guess.

And that's what they did by shutting it for some... Well, you've got to teach everybody. Some training. But they should know that people go there to use their Wi-Fi. Just because you see people in there with laptops all the time. Those cafe hogs? Yeah. People that work and run cafes, they know. Oh, they're back for their $3 coffee and they'll be here for two hours. That's the thing.

When you're a tourist and you just want the Wi-Fi and you walk in, you're like, right, a tea. Is there anything cheaper than a tea? Because while I'm looking out there, I can see tea looks to – can I just have a cup of hot water, please? I'll pay you. What have I got? Ew.

I don't know what these are. Which is the least? Which is worth the least? When you're travelling, Starbucks are great for the wife. Starbucks and McDonald's. And New Zealand public libraries. Yeah. Oh, my God.

You might every now and then raglan, because my in-laws live there. You would go downtown and raglan. You'd be like, oh, God, the library's cranking for a Sunday. Right, okay. That's why. And it's just everybody sitting outside waiting for the bus using the free wifi. But the libraries aren't obvious. I don't know where they are.

It's not like a big golden M. No, yeah, yeah. They should turn that giant M upside down and put IFI behind it. Yeah. Because that's basically what it means to a lot of people, especially when you're travelling. Right. And good for toilets as well when you're travelling. Yeah. Because that's basically what it means to a lot of people, especially when you're travelling. Right. And good for toilets as well

when you're travelling. Yeah. So what? Even if you're just in New Zealand and you're just walking somewhere and you need to go to the toilet, you just nip into a McDonald's

and go around lunchtime. It's always so busy, they don't even know. But then overseas, they're quite crafty because you've got to get the keys. So you've got to buy something a lot of the time.

Yeah. Or like put in a token or a pin code that you've got to get when you buy food. Oh, really? So they're saying what Starbucks is saying now. Anyone that's in there is a customer, so I'm not going to have to buy anything. I'm also a huge fan of a well-timed door opening. So if you just like linger by the toilets, someone's going to go and when they come out, you can just be like, oh, I'll just do it.

You're screwed when they're coming out. But then you're kind of giving them reason to call the police on you if you're lingering outside the toilet. Not when I'm just the average looking white guy. You'll be fine. I pose very little threat, even to the most scared of person. I would like to say congratulations to a show favourite. We actually had her on the show

momentarily. Do you remember when she called up? Yeah. Tammy. I'm talking about Tammy. The Briscoes lady. She's a national treasure. She is a national treasure. And she celebrated 30 years

of being the Briscoes lady. That's why I want to talk about it yeah 30 years in the role she doesn't actually look like she's aged no she looks very much the same yeah didn't do you remember when half price home wears a friend a new flannel every day to wash her face. A new flannel. Do you remember when they stopped putting her in their ads and they had a deep guy voice and all the complaints and then suddenly Tammy was back? There was an uproar. It was only like a month or two that she was gone.

Now, I don't know if it was rumour. This was one of those rumours that you hear, one of those New Zealand urban legends. When she first started doing it, they paid her in shares of Briscoes. That can't be true. I don't know. I'd love to know. That company performs so well.

Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Because they own Rubel Sports. The same company owns Rubel Sports and Briscoes. And one of those living stores. Living and Giving or Stevens? One of them, yeah. One of those.

I think one of those. Maybe Living and Giving. So, yeah. Maybe living and giving. So, yeah, I don't know. I feel like that's just one of those rumours. I've never had it confirmed. I hope that would be true. But yeah, imagine getting paid in the Briscoe shoes. Because that's the guy that wants to build his boat,

she didn't turn it into a James Bond helicopter pad. The Briscoes. Why doesn't he just get her to come on board and convince everybody it's a great idea? What, fronts and TV ads? Yeah, I could say that to the Briscoes. Why doesn't he just get her to come on board and convince everybody it's a great idea? What, fronts and TV ads? Yeah, I could say that to the Briscoes lady. If you could give my boss a helipad. Yeah.

A boat shed helipad consent. Is it true that she's blonde? I've heard it's a wig. I've heard it's a wig. Is it like... Maybe that's the secret to the fact of why she looks the same age. Wouldn't it be good because you'd go out in public and people wouldn't hassle you about half price homewares

and wins the next sale. Yeah, it's partially a disguise, I think. It's absolutely brilliant. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I've just had confirmation. What, that it's a wig? Somebody messaged Ryan. Oh, I'm going to try and Google her.

Yeah, because she's blonde, right? I've heard. Yeah, and it's obviously short hair. Good on her, though. 30 years, that's amazing. Or, what if... Here's a conspiracy I'd like to put forward. She's been dead for 10 years,

and Weta Workshop have a digital file. Next time there's a Briscoes ad, can we just check down the bottom? Make sure, because you know when Weta does something, like they did Thanos for Infinity War, it says, you know, thanks to Weta and New Zealand government. Maybe we should just check the fine print

on those Briscoes ads. Maybe she's nothing more than a digital file now. Maybe Andy Serkis plays her. Every ad. That's the sort of money you get from 30% off Manchester. It's the good stuff. It sounds a little excessive.

She could be around forever. We could all have our own one day. Wouldn't that be nice? Like a home assistant. Yeah, we could get home. Your own teddy. Christ, it's been a terrible day. Welcome home, Vaughn.

Hi. Phew, I needed you today. Tell me about the good old days of crockery. I just need a hug. I need a hug is what I need. And then she gives you a hug. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there.

The old waterfront stadium in Auckland situation is back in the news. Apparently planned, you know, it's been planned multiple times. But they're saying, well, if you put it right down on the waterfront, it'll be real great. Yeah. And I assume it'll be with the tank farmers, right? Well, they're saying it well, if you put it right down on the waterfront, it'll be real great. Yeah. And I assume it'll be where the tank farm is, right? Well, they're saying it could be behind Spark Arena. Where some of the containers and stuff are.

No, where it's all train tracks and stuff. Oh, right, where that big, beautiful old building is that they turned into student accommodation. Behind that, yeah. Where that camper van place is. Yeah. That's not waterfront. I want to have it so in a high tide, the end closest to that gets flooded. Well, there's water up to the 22.

Okay, yeah. It gets real soggy. Yeah. Or a king tide, it's up to the cricket pitch in the middle. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be really great. That'd be cool. They're talking a whole lot of options.

It's on and off again all the time. It's on and off and off and on. Meanwhile, Christchurch, still waiting for a new stadium? Yeah. I mean, give them one first. Get that sorted. But this one's going to have a neat, shoddy roof. Nice.

It'd be great to have one with a neat, shoddy roof. So on that and kind of along the lines of a new one for Auckland when they've got one that functions in Christchurch and still without, let's get greedy for a minute and say the top six other things downtown Auckland needs. Okay. Number six, a forest. I don't know where to put it,

but it's the one thing that's lacking. A forest. Yo. A forest. Like a good... I'm going to say the K word. It's a coldy forest. It's going to take a little while.

What, like a New York kind of park, do you think? Is that what you want? Sure. Just lots of big, huge trees. A central park. Is that what you want? Yeah, I know there's a domain, but it's not downtown. Okay, right. I don't want to have to walk to the forest up there. I just want to happen across this

majestic, coldy forest. A giant city with a forest in the middle of it. Please! Okay, we can have one. Number five on the list of the top six things downtown Auckland needs. A ski field. Because you know how many people come to New Zealand to do skiing, right? Wouldn't it be great if you could just, you know, just go?

Need a bit of mountain. I'd love to toboggan down Queen Street. We'll build it. No, that's too far away. Downtown Auckland. Right, okay. They can build an underground train, which is magic. They can build a mountain high enough to receive snow.

Surely. Or some tropical sort of temperament, surely. A ski field. Sure. Great. Thank you. Number four on the list, a huge monument. I'm not talking like, I'm talking Empire State.

Not Empire State. What's that woman out in? Statue of Liberty. Oh, right. Okay. Statue of Liberty sized. The Sky Tower? Monument. It's not downtown. It's too far away. Itue of Liberty? Oh, right. Okay. Statue of Liberty sized. The Skytower? Monument.

It's not downtown. It's too far away. It's up the hill. Right downtown. That is downtown. Further downtown. What a front. In the water.

Okay. Put it in the water. What do you want a statue of? I mean, I'll nominate myself. Thank you for putting yourself forward. That was very brave of you. We'll consider it. But you know, regardless of what they ever decide to put up, no one's going to be happy about it.

No. You could put up Hone Heke. Sir Edmund. Sir Ed. He'd be great. He'd be great. Like a really, really big one though. We're not mucking around.

Okay. Number three on the list of the top six things downtown Auckland needs, the beehive. Are they willing to use that. Are Wellington using that? Can we have that? I think they are using it, yeah. Pop it down there. I wonder if you're going

to give it a paint, though. Yeah. It's uggo. It needs a wee reno. You know, if it was up to me, rainbow. Yes. Rainbow.

It'll really stand out. And, you know, in the right light, it'll look great if you get a photo of the massive Sered monument with that in the background, the ski field, the forest.

So a colour fade rainbow. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Like when you open up any sort of paint program or you're picking a colour for your font in a Word document and it's got the spectrum. Ooh. Yes. It'll look great.

Oh, no, actually, I'm in charge of this. I'll commission your dad to do it because I know he does science. Great. It'll be a big contract. Should be a big job. Number two on the list. I'm just thinking, you know, if we're getting all the stuff, we really need to up the gram game.

Downtown Auckland. Number two on the list of the top six things downtown Auckland needs. A waterfall. A huge waterfall. Exactly. People love a waterfall. They do. They do.

They love walking. I don't know if they so much love walking through a waterfall so much as they love getting in there and getting a photo of the waterfall. So maybe a big waterfall. Have they thought about making a waterfall off the side of the harbour bridge? Like a garden feature? Maybe. What happens when boats want to go under it?

Can they turn it off? It turns off like the log flume. Oh, yeah. Log flume technology. I love it. It'd be really great. And the number one thing, Auckland needs, a pet whale. Like, it's free, but it keeps coming back for the krill.

Okay. Right. Like, at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, they dump a whole lot of krill in. And it comes back. And Auckland's pet whale comes back. Probably wouldn't do that during peak ferry time. No, they give way. You give way to whales.

Okay. And it goes, and blows like a mist up in front of the syred. Right, okay. And then there's a rainbow, because you know how rainbow, the spectrum of light reflects off water particles. And then in the background, there's the rainbow beehive as well.

It's a great gram. Get that with the waterfall. Thank goodness you're not in charge of city planning. I would be broke as if, if I was in charge of anything. I played SimCity once. I made a very successful city bankrupt in 20 minutes. Right.

20 minutes. That's today's top sec. The royal wedding on Saturday night. What time did it kind of kick off? 11? She had arrived just before 11, eh? Yeah. Because when she was leaving her house,

she was leaving the hotel at 25 past 10. I was like, she's going to get there early. I know. They showed her leaving before we saw Harry. Yeah. And I was like, she's going to get there early. I know. They showed her leaving before we saw Harry. Yeah. And I was like, no, Megan, Megan. Timing's all out. Timing's all out.

We should have trusted them. They were taking the long way. Yeah. Weren't they? Yeah. So my girls, we talked about it during the day. I remember what everybody was talking about. And they said, oh, we'll go to bed.

But we want to be woken up to watch the wedding part. And so at like 10 to 11, I went and woke up. And then August woke up. We were just going to let her sleep. But she woke up and she's like, I want to come too. Great start. So we went out and they watched it. It was really like they were really interested in what was happening

and who's that and who are those kids. I would have thought they would get a bit bored because it went for an hour, the ceremony. They got a bit distracted and they were wondering a bit when the American preacher started going on about how phones were powered by fire. That was all of us.

Fire powers your phone! I was like, nope, nope, no idea about how phones work. I was worried he was going to knock over that candle. He was gesticulating so hard the candle was warm. I would really like to know what Prince Philip thought of all of that. He was the one that kept a straight face. Everybody else had a few moments of...

There were actually some sniggers, weren't there? Camilla put her hat down, but it had feathers and it was shaking, so she was having a wee laugh. Oh, the faces while that was going on was probably the highlight of the night. And he obviously wasn't used to that prudish British church going crowd where he's like who here came in a car? Nothing. You know automobiles? Nothing.

He's used to a bit of feedback from the crowd. Everyone was like, hey you who? Mr. Steal your ceremony. So we watched it and then at the end of it they were like, oh okay, cool. Put them back to bed and the next day I said, oh was that worth getting up for? And then he said, yeah, we watched it and then at the end of it, they were like, oh, okay, cool. Put them back to bed. And the next day I said, oh, was that worth getting up for? And Indy said, yeah, I'll be able to talk to my teacher about it.

And August was like, not really. She's honest. She was like, eh, not really. But then I can remember probably similar to Indy's age when my dad woke me up for a Rugby World Cup final. Right, okay. That was on at like 2 o'clock in the morning and we watched it and then he just went and milked the cows and we went to bed.

We went back to bed. Right. But we, I just remember it so fondly. I think it was 87. Did we? I think we. No, because that was in Auckland. And you would have been like.

Five. Yeah, no, you wouldn't remember that. No, I was older. It was the next one. Was it, you're talking about the 95 one? Because I remember that and we lost. That was the one we lost to Matt Damon, eh? South Africa, yeah. No, I was older. It was the next one. You're talking about the 95 one? Because I remember that. And we lost. That was the one we lost to Matt Damon, eh? South Africa, yeah.

Because Matt Damon poisoned us. Yeah, Matt Damon and Morgan Freeman, they poisoned us. They teamed up and poisoned us. I cried and went back to bed. He fed us those potatoes he grew in his own shit on Mars. And we got a coli. No wonder the whole team was sick. Should never have trusted Matt Damon's potatoes.

So, maybe it was that one. Maybe it was the one before. But I can't remember if we won or lost. All I remember is we ate heaps of toast. My brother and I would have polished up a whole loaf of bread. Just been like, this is madness. We're up in the middle of the night. This is crazy.

Dad, can we have some more toast? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, help yourself. Yeah. Dad, we're going to get some more toast. Yeah, all right. Yeah, go help yourself. Do you want any toast? Yeah, yeah, if you're chucking some on, I'll have a piece of toast.

We just kept going back for more toast. That was the only thing I remember about the whole experience of being woken up. Princess Diana's funeral? Was that in the middle of the night? That would have been. I think I got woken up for that. That would have been because that was in London as well. Okay.

Right. In England, sorry. Yeah, that would have been. I don't even remember being woken up for an event. Just let me sleep. Just let him sleep. Time without him. It's peaceful.

I don't imagine waking you up would go well. I know. And I don't know if I'd want to get up and watch anything at that time of the morning. Like even now, even the wedding, I was like, God, I'm not going to make it till midnight. I did. 12.30. I went to bed at 12.30. Yeah, when did it kind of wrap?

I watched them go around in the carriage and then I was like, peace. I'm out. I'm out. That's it. Nothing exciting went to bed at 12.30 Yeah when did it kind of wrap I watched them go around In the carriage And then I was like Peace I'm out I'm out That's it Like nothing exciting Is going to happen now

Like when the horses Started getting a bit I was like Here we go Here we go Oh yeah some people Are going to get kicked In the face

Yeah someone's going to Get kicked in the face And for the carriage Is going to go over Here we go But it didn't happen Nothing happened yeah The horse was like

Calmed itself right down But we were wondering This morning What your parents woke you up to watch. It's a bit of a weird rite of passage that something's happening that your family's kind of into. Yeah. On the other side. I know soccer families or football families. Oh, they go crazy, don't they?

Especially, yeah, because it is on the other side of the world. So it's often in the middle of the night that these things happen. Formula One, it's often sports, but maybe there's an event that you woke up to watch your parents woke you up for. 0800 dials the N or text 9696. We're talking about what your parents woke you up for. Woke up my girls to watch the Royal Wedding.

I think, well, Indy's at an age that she'll remember that forever. And by some of these text messages in, the people younger have woken up for various things that they now can clearly remember being woken up for. Lots of people messaging in saying they were woken up in the 80s to watch Hayley's Comet go past. Somebody said they remember they were woken up three nights in a row, freezing cold, dragged outside.

Mum and Dad are like, there it is. And they were like, yep. Okay. Why did you need like there it is and they were like yep okay why did you need to see it three times to be like I saw it last night mum take a photo

there'll be a photo of the lime on there it only comes like once in a lifetime once every 80 something years yeah I think I got woken up

for Hayley's comment when I was eight couldn't see it just ended up pretending I'd seen it so my parents would let me go back to bed I remember doing that

I remember Hayley's the only thing I remember about Hayley's comment is not seeing it, but just saying I saw it. Yeah. Like, oh, yep, I see it. Okay. Bye.

Some other things people got woken up for. Somebody said it was in our family every All Blacks game that got played in Europe. Oh, they got woken up for. Yeah, mum always cooked sausage rolls, though, so highlights, highlights. Jordan, what did you get woken up for as a kid? When I used to stay at my nana's house, she used to wake me up on a Friday night for WCW wrestling. For the wrestling?

Was Nana into the wrestling? Yeah, my nana was a hardcore fan. What time was the wrestling on that she'd need to wake you up? Like 11 o'clock. So you'd go to bed at 7 and then Nana would shake you awake at 11 or body slam you awake. Nana's coming from the top rope.

I move. Wake up boy, wrestling time. And there's a watch out for a few hours and then go back to bed. Yeah. You'll be like, your hot chocolate's ready? And I'll be like, yes! Oh man, that's cute. She and you. She and you, bait. Jordan, thanks for your call.

Thank you, guys. Michelle, what were you woken up for? Mum always woke me and my sister up to go and look at the Christmas lights every Christmas. That's pretty cute. What, so you're so young that you'd have to go to bed early? Because it's summer and the sun doesn't go down until 9.30 at that time of the year. Yeah, so she'd wake us up at like 10.30 and we'd get up in our PJs and go sit in the car and watch these lights

and there was only ever like one good house. Were there like treats every year though? Like did you get to have a Christmas mince pie and a hot chocolate or something? No, no, just out, have a look at the lights and back to bed. God, even wrestling grandma had a hot chocolate wedding something? No, no, just out, have a look at the lights and back to bed. God, even wrestling grandma had a hot chocolate wedding.

No, never. Wow. All right, thanks, Michelle. Some other text messages in. I got woken up in the very early hours of the morning to watch the 9-11 footage.

I was nine and my dad said, your grandchildren will ask you what you were doing when this happened. And I said to him, Dad, I'll tell them I was in bed.

It happened at a ridiculous time of the day. I'll tell them I remember it happening when I woke up. Yeah. And somebody else said, when Sir Peter Blake was murdered, my parents woke me up and said, come and watch the TV. I said, I don't even know who that is. I was very young at the time. And I just remember being dragged out of bed as a young child and this traumatic story of how New Zealand had been shot by pirates. That's not what you want to waste your time on.

Yeah, I'm not waking my kids up to say our national hero is being murdered. By pirates? No, by pirates, nonetheless. They're not even traditional pirates, were they? No, no. They were just Brazilian raiders. Yes, yeah, yeah. Much more of a raider than a pirate.

Someone said my dad used to wake me up for Formula One, didn't have the heart to tell him I hated it. Dad just wanted someone to watch Formula One with. Yeah, yeah. What, they go round and round? Okay, Dad, I'm just going to go and lie down on the couch and shut my eyes while this happens. I'll be listening, though.

I'll be listening, I promise. I'll come back in a couple of hours when they're still going. Yeah. Around and around. Let me know in the morning what happened. And around. I've got a tip now on how to keep your relationship alive. So this is for people who are, like, been in a relationship for a little while,

maybe got a little bit comfy. Okay. Has nothing to do with the bedroom. It's just one simple thing that you can do every day to keep your relationship happy. Is it the dishes? Because you told me that and I've been doing the dishes. Yeah, that as well.

That's to... That's your chore. That's supposed to get you some doing the dishes for men. How's that going? Okay. Maybe I shouldn't leave them to drip dry. Maybe I should dry them with a tea towel.

So, yuck. One thing you can do. Oh, yeah, you don't like drip dry. What? I just don't want to think about you doing it. Oh. Eva, I don't know. Why not?

Because it's a horrible image in my mind. So maybe don't send that video you were planning on sending? I was going to show everybody this new technique I've developed. So the one thing you can do every day is send what's called a maintenance text. Now, it's not... How's your oil pressure? No.

Check the tyres. Nothing to do with important information. So, like, no directions, no, like, what do you want for dinner? Nothing like that. Like a... Can I send a gif? I guess you could send a gif.

A funny one? I guess that would count. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. It's something that like, is it either like an inside joke between the two of you, a little cute message between the two of you. You need to send something

that maintains your relationship status every day rather than tasks. Because it ends up when you're together with someone for a while, all your texts to them when you're not with them is like tasks. Yeah. Can you get milk on the way home? What do you want for dinner? Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Rather than anything sweet like when you first start dating. Okay. Okay. Do you do this, Ward? Yeah, we message quite a bit. Like I always message good morning in the mornings. Do anything other than good morning? And like call us even how the girls. Do you like z good morning? And like quarter to seven, how are the girls?

Do you like zhuzh it up with an emoji? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Every now and then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'll do. Okay. An emoji. I'm more of a jiff-giff guy, though.

Oh, yeah. I was trying to find one of those. That kind of counts, I think. Yeah, that kind of like a moving emoji. Actually, I think you can convey a lot more with one of those. Good way of ending a long group convo too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When everyone just starts talking in gifs, it's done.

What about you, Fletch? Are you good at the maintenance text? Well, I don't have a relationship to maintain, Megan. So... But what do you mean? Who did you watch the royal wedding with? My friend Morgan. Oh. Yeah. Stop trying to get out juicy gossip. Who helped you eat all that baking? Stop trying to get out juicy gossip. Who helped you eat all that baking?

Stop trying to get out juicy gossip. Boyne. We're supposed to be like... I don't know who's eating all his baking. Guessing they're getting quite chubby though. I actually brought in baking today. I saw your Lamington production line. Did they not come round at the weekend?

No, I've just got too much baking in my house. I don't want to eat it all. He tried to lure them in with some Lamingtons. They're like, oh, I don't really like sponges. No, we did have a lot of Lamingtons watching the royal wedding. Not even in English food, though, eh? Because you're Australian. No, a Lamington. I thought they were British.

No, because when I was Googling recipes, it was all like this Australian favourite, this Australian thing. British love a sponge cake, though. Shut up. It's from the Lord of Lamington, Governor of Queensland. Yeah, favourite, this Australian thing. British love a sponge cake though. Shut up. It's from the Lord of Lamington, Governor of Queensland. Yeah, see, I told you. It's an Australian thing.

That's what I learned at the weekend. I was like, well, we're watching the Royal, but we're part of the Commonwealth. So I was like, technically this is a cake and I'm going to eat it and it's yum. Oh, okay. So it's happening. We're all here due to questionable spreading habits of the early 1800s. Right. Exactly. All right, Spire's next. We're all here due to questionable spreading habits of the early 1800s. Yeah.

Right. Exactly. All right, Spire's next. So send a maintenance text today. Yeah, something cute. Every day. You could send a reminder on your phone every day. Oh, yeah, but that'll kill the romance.

Send a text. Reminder, be romantic. Okay. FEM. FEM. When I wasn't watching the Royal Wedding over the weekend, I started 13 Reasons Why, season number two. Came out on Friday, right? Yes.

So I don't want to spoil anything, but I'm six episodes deep and maybe not as good as the first one. Well, this is what I was waiting for. Very hard to follow up. This is what I'm waiting for. Really hard. I saw it pop up on my Netflix and I was like

now I'll just wait and see what other people think I'll get a bit of a group consensus so I thought it would kind of change tact a little bit but it's still following on from I can't remember her season one but the main girl's death

Hannah, I can only remember her real name one. Yeah. Right, from the death. But the main girl's death. Hannah. Hannah. I can only remember her real name. So it's still following on from that. And I feel like maybe it should have left it where it was. Still watching it though. Like, have still binged six episodes. Is it good?

Yeah. I mean, and now it's interesting because it starts with a warning, which the first one never did. And it ends with, if you require help, it ends with, you know, this is where to go. Point people in the right directions for help. Yeah. Does every episode start, because I watched the first episode of it

and it actually had the cast members saying, hi, I'm so-and-so and I play so-and-so. No, that's just the start of the season. Right, okay. Yeah, yeah. Right, so the warning otherwise is just sort of a text warning. Season one was so powerful. I wonder if season two will feel a bit diluted.

Yeah. So, you know, there was 13 tapes. Well, in this one, I think there's going to be 13 Polaroids without giving anything away. But, yeah. Interesting to see, like, how everyone receives it because maybe they should have I know because sometimes you just think

they should just leave a show as it is or like gone onto a different character like verged somewhere else with the school rather than concentrate on the warranty

Well I thought this was going to focus on somebody else So did I No No No she's still very much front and centre of it Right well

because I need a show this is why I was watching I was contemplating watching this new season because I need to show, this is why I was watching, I was contemplating watching this new season because I finished my whodunit at the weekend. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So good. Megan, you finished it too. I finished that so quick. I think Caitlin's finished it too. Because it's eight episodes. I actually finished it before all of you.

Eight episodes. It's a real, there's so many plot twists. I don't want to give away any spoilers Stop talking about it because I probably will give away a spoiler I love it in a whodunit when you're like I guessed whodunit Like two episodes before the end

But that's not a great whodunit You're not supposed to guess whodunit Until they just said I done it That's the whole point though I guessed at the end of the seventh episode The second to last episode I had no idea at all

I was like what what um intern Anya and I aren't finished so you guys aren't allowed to talk about

shut up you're like shush you shush I think we're up to about the same James you haven't even started mate I haven't started that's the good thing about

you and then leave it a year and you will have forgotten who done it we need to ask James what he's watching what are you watching James no I just I watched the first episode of 13 Reasons Why last night as well. And what did you think?

Yeah, I thought it was going to come in real hot. But yeah, it's sort of a slow burner maybe. Slow burner. I wondered with that horrible school shooting, another horrible school shooting that happened in the States, they said that they were delaying the launch of 13 Reasons Why Season 2 in the States. They said that they were delaying the launch of 13 reasons why season two in the States. I thought it must have had a school shooting in this season.

Not as far as I've seen. Right. That's not really a spoiler. Because they had the premiere all set to go, didn't they? In America. Yeah, and then when that happened, they pulled it. Like, it was a big party, wasn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Okay. But your whodunit was called Safe. Safe. Yeah, really good. Yeah, it's Fletcher to write it. Like that was a big party, wasn't it? Yeah, right. But your whodunit was called Safe. Yeah, really good. Fletch didn't write it. I don't know why we're calling it Fletch's whodunit. This is a show that Fletch recommends. Fletch hasn't written

an amazing Netflix whodunit. I could. This is the thing, I'm watching this show and it just feels like one of those whodunits where they you don't know whodunit because they just keep introducing a new character every episode. No, no. You know all the characters.

It's not. Okay, it's not that. Because if I wrote a whodunit, you'd be like, oh, I think I know whodunit. Oh, new guy. New guy did it. No, another new guy. New guy did it.

No, but there's so many shifty characters, and it explains why they're all shifty. Yeah. Like, all their backstories. I wonder if even when people are writing these things, they just, they choose whodunit, like, near the end. I would. I would.

Because that's what it felt like in this show. I'd love to talk to someone who's written a really good whodunit. Like, the structure of how they did it. I've got no idea, mate. They'll just make it up. Do you reckon they start with a whodunit? Like, they know from the word go, this is who's done it, and then they work backwards?

Maybe. I don't know. We haven't written anything. It's like, you know, I think of those mazes when you're a kid and you're doing a puzzle book and you've got to find, like Ronald McDonald's got to find Grimace. You start at Grimace. You work backwards.

Always start with the person who's lost. Don't start where they want you to start, man. Don't start where they want you to start, man. Don't start where they want you to start, man. You've got to find the entrance, which is just as hard as finding Grimace. No, you work backwards. Grimace is... Just do what I did at that amazing maze world in Wanaka. Just jump the fence.

I'm sick of this shit. I've been in here too long. You're only cheating yourself, man. I came out. I had dirt on my chest, and they were like, you went under a gate, didn't you? I was like, no. I won't stand for these accusations.

It's a lot of running around. You can't blame us, Megan. We're in there 10 minutes. It's the whole point of the game. The experience, the journey, you know? Eat a trail of lollies to find your way out again. But the only thing is, like, make sure they're wrapped in paper because otherwise they get a bit grubby.

Well, if you want to eat them again, though. Yeah. The Duke and Duchess of Sussex, as we now know them, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, they have confirmed, well, it has been confirmed that they are planning a trip to New Zealand, Australia, Fiji and Tonga in October. Samar will be like,

um, excuse me, what's up? We're right here. We are a beautiful Pacific Island nation. It feels like, it feels like a snub. It feels like a royal snub. If you wanted to get a glimpse of them, you'd book a holiday

to Tonga. There's no way. It's so small. You'd book a holiday. To Tonga. There's nowhere. It's so small. You know, you'd definitely see them. Would they be in and out of Tonga in a day, though? Oh, yeah, they might. I've never been to Tonga. I'd love to go.

Does it have any sort of luxurious island resorts that are quite ooh-la-la and expensive? Yeah, maybe. But you'd be able to find them., is that where you want to go? No, no, no. I'm just saying that's where they'd go. I thought you were saying you'd only go. Oh, no, no, no, no. Heck, I'm all about getting in there.

So I don't know if this is like their honeymoon because they're delaying their honeymoon so they can go back to work. It sounds like it would be. It sounds like it would be. And I mean, we've spoken to her. She loved New Zealand. She came here on her first honeymoon.

Yeah. In a camper van. I don't think she's going to be camper vanning up the South Island this time around. No. She'll be doing it much more and much more luxury. Yeah. Yeah. Like a six berth caravan, not a four.

Yeah. Room to burn. Yeah. Room for everybody. It's also been said that her bouquet was placed at the tomb of the Unknown Warrior in Westminster Abbey. Oh, that's a tradition. That's a tradition. When a royal gets married, they put their bouquet somewhere on a tomb or a grave.

Yeah. Now, we haven't heard much about the reception. Because did the Spice Girls end up turning up? In fact, I don't think the Spice Girls were invited. It was just posh. So when Mel B spoke about that on American Talk Show, I think she was just full of it. Just joking.

Elton John performed. They had candy floss and what's only been described as dirty burgers on the menu as well as cocktails. Dirty burgers. Cocktails that featured ginger and rum, so that's obviously a bit of a nod to Harry. You know, I looked at Westminster on a map. Yeah.

Because I thought it was in London. It's not. It's out of London. It's ages away, yeah. It's by Slough where they filmed The Office, where The Office was set. Right. The British Office.

And right across the road from the entries is a Nando's. I just thought they're so beautifully British. Like at the end of the night you're a little bit tanked and you're like Megan mate, I'm just going to nip down Nando's. Cheeky Nando's. Perry sauce. Right, gather the horses. Tomey wagons out to Nando's.

But the reception that only had like 200 people. So George Clooney, the Beckhams, Idris Elba, Elton John, Oprah, Tom Hardy and James Corden, they were all there. Yeah. So they didn't get the invite for just the ceremony. Didn't they? No, they got invited to all of it.

Oh, right. I saw right. James Corden was the... Told you that was Tom Hardy. Remember when I messaged you saying Tom Hardy's all bald? Is he shooting something? I think he's just finished shooting where he's playing Al Capone or something. Wear a hat.

He put on heaps of weight for the role. Because he looked a bit different, didn't he? Yeah, he's trying to lose a lot of weight. He should have worn a hat or something. What's wrong with being bald? Did you hear this? Did you hear that? Unbelievable.

You can't wear a hat to a churchy, weddingy formal occasion. It was just, he's such a, like, burly guy. It was just a bit scary when they cut to him. Because we were messaging each other, weren't we? We'll be spotted celebrities. Because I saw Carey Mulligan. Carey Mulligan. Mumford and Sons.

Mumford and Sons. She's married to Mumford and Sons. I was like, ugh. Also, James Corden was the comp here. So, is that like the emcee? Oh, yeah, he emceed the wedding. He emceed the reception and sons. I was like, ugh. Also, James Corden was the comp here. So is that like the MC? Oh yeah, he MC'd the wedding. He MC'd the reception

and everything. Oh, yeah, the reception. I wonder if his first show on Monday or Tuesday American time will be a bit rough.

Well, I was going to say if there'll be any goss. Oh, right. I think he might still be a bit hungover. Also,

I don't think it was one of those sorts of affairs. No. Have you seen that Rick Hoffman cleared up why his face was like that? Why he had like a sour look on his face during the reception? This is Lewis Litt from Suits.

Why? He said that someone next to him had halitosis. Oh, no. He's like, it had nothing to do with the wedding or the speeches. Someone near me had terrible breath. Oh. So, yeah. But I think they can pinpoint who that was.

Yeah. I know. Like, you can't drop someone in it. Well, he doesn't care. He obviously doesn't know them. And before I said that the empty seat was for Diana, somebody told me that, apparently there can never be someone seated in front of the Queen

because she doesn't want to have you obstructed. And that was some of those hats. Whilst they were all high fashion, you wouldn't want to be seated behind them. So wait, the empty say was not for Diana? Not that one. Oh, Meghan teared up before. You got me with that.

But I thought it was. I thought it was. I got emotional when someone told me that as well. Someone just spun a good yarn. But it was because no one can sit in front of the Queen. Oh, okay. She looks so grumpy. And the Queen sat in her favourite seat.

Christ, she looks grumpy. She should just let Charles have a go now. She's going to look that grumpy all the time. It's about Prince Philip. It's only modern medicine keeping him alive, isn't it? Oh, yes, he's... I mean, his body was there, but... My body, my body's seeing you.

Kate Middleton at the royal wedding wore a dress that she'd worn three times previous. And people are like, wow. I think it's good, though, because she could wear something new and different every time. Are they allowed to go to designers, Megan, and say, I'll wear your dress for free? Or do they have to buy it? I don't think so. I don't think so.

Because they have to register everything they get given. And then I don't think they're allowed to keep a lot of stuff because... But then they'd have a royal credit card, right? They just tick it up and you dress for the wedding. Do you not reckon they do what Instagram influencers do and message companies be like, hey, so I've got 25,000 followers. Hey, I'm just teeth whitening before the royal wedding.

Would you like a post in exchange for a teeth whitening this thing really works it's in my mouth yeah it's blue and um it's got a neon light and this is a dress i got i'm just borrowing this yeah um the borrowed people yeah uh so that she doesn't do it whether she doesn't have instagram does she there's all this outrage in the uk that oh she can't wear the same dress not once once, not twice, three times. So my problem is, I mean, it's an Alexander McQueen coat. Like if I owned that, I'd wear it all the time. But you can't wear it when you've already worn it three times. You can't wear it to such a high profile thing again. Why can't you? She did it. Because, well, I mean, I'm not

like a royalist, but like a lot of people are saying it's a little bit of a lack of respect. But isn't it a statement like saying you should recycle? Yeah. But do it other times. Do it other times. That's like, that was the royal wedding. So we, this is Where had she worn it previously?

She's worn an old, like, it sounds bad, like an old coat dress because it's like really nice. But, you know. Where had she worn it previously? So, her first appearance since the birth of her son at the royal wedding. And where else did she wear it?

There's a few photos that people have pulled off. Her son was born years and years and years ago. That makes great sense. All very like photographed events. Do you have a time limit if you were addressed to one occasion if you could wear it again

in two more years would you? Or not never? No, not to the same thing. But what about if you wore it the last time to a wedding would you wear it

to an awards or a gala evening the second time? Yeah, as long as it was spaced out enough on your Instagram feed. We had this argument only two weeks ago

with Megan. Because I was trying to find a dress for this big night we had and I was going to... So everyone was getting frustrated with me because I have a dress, but I wore it to the same event like two years ago. But I'm not going to wear it to the same event again. But I didn't know.

Vaughn didn't notice. No. You think that's hard. I accidentally put my black shirt in a load of washing with a flannel and it got little things on it. Guys, we get it too. We get it. Guys do get it lucky because we can literally buy a new shirt for our suit

and we're fine. I feel like there's a lot of people rolling their eyes. But also, she's a royal. You've got to have a certain amount of respect at those events. Is this a guy-girl thing? Like, guys wouldn't wear something

once to one event, eh? They'd recycle. A guy would happily wear... Oh, you've got like one or two suits, right? That you wear for all of your occasions.

That's why I only buy plain things. It's because you can wear them all the time. But if you buy something with too many patterns on it, it's obvious. It's like, oh wear them all the time. But if you buy something with too many patterns on it, it's old pattern guy. Does your wife do this?

She always says she's got nothing to wear. Then you go up and you're like, well, why have you taken your half of the wardrobe and some of my half of the wardrobe? You can't just buy a dress and then wear it to every wedding you're ever invited to. No, but like, sure, weddings, but then like formal events that aren't weddings, you could wear it to that. As're ever invited to. No, but like, sure, weddings, but then like formal events that aren't weddings,

you could wear it to that. As long as it was spaced out enough. But who's noticing that you're wearing the same thing again? Guys don't. I guess other girls probably notice. But who are you trying to impress? I don't know. The world.

Do you do this too, Caitlin? Yeah, I fully agree with Megan. Thank you. It sounds like we're just being like snooty little people I can hear myself She can totally do what she wants, it's not up to us But we're just saying that this is why people are like, hmm, okay, interesting So have you judged friends for wearing the same thing?

No, I haven't judged them, but I've been like, oh, I've seen you wear that before So you're judging them See, maybe we are part of the problem I mean, yeah It's real bitchy. We're already getting lots of texts saying that we're being bitchy

but it's just the way that we feel. Okay, excuse me. There are so many people that are calling us out but you've done exactly the same thing. I know, I know.

That's what you're saying when you're like, I've got nothing to wear. I do have clothes to wear, obviously, but I don't want to wear those to this event. And it's not saying

that we just wear one dress once. We definitely wear it with different occasions, maybe put a jacket over it, maybe different shoes. How many items in your wardrobe, Caitlin, do you have that you've only worn once? There was one dress I just didn't like, so I just wore it once. Megan? But five that I can think of.

Dresses. Anya? Yeah, probably five to ten. Five that I can think of Dresses Anya? Yeah probably Five to ten More I was going to say Because you're always Buying little goodies online She's quiet in the corner

But she's just as bad You're always buying yourself Little goodies Yeah You guys are the only people That would notice You're wearing that thing again We wouldn't

No not true Not true I don't think you would notice It has a lot to do with, so official again, but it has a lot to do with Instagram. Like if I'm putting photos up and then a week apart

and I'm wearing the same thing, people just be like, wear something else. But you do what I do. You literally wear the same thing every single day. And then people do notice when you wear something different.

I wear this all the time. I know, but you don't care about clothes and stuff. That's how some people like to define themselves. Yesterday, I was outside cleaning my chainsaws, and my wife came and said, those are your new jeans. God, you're wearing your new jeans.

I'm like, yeah, but they're just jeans. Who cares? And I can't get the stains out now. That's why I'm wearing my old jeans. My dad used to always say, dress for the job you want Not the job you've got Well what job do you want?

With that sparkly A princess A mermaid She wants to be a princess I'm allowed to wear sequins to work Fletch I don't know what the job I want is Mask on

I haven't figured it out yet Do you want a mascot job? Are you trying to be a Sky City mascot? Is that what job you want? Yeah maybe Don't judge. Okay, can we take some calls then? I just want to see where people sit on this matter

because is anybody listening that has a load of things in their wardrobe they've only worn once? Could anyone beat Megan? Four things. Anya, it was five and Anya has like ten. I can guarantee there'll be people that can beat you easy peasy. Also, just please help us explain, because obviously there's a lot of people disagreeing on the text machine.

Somebody said they read an opinion piece where it was Kate wore that outfit so people wouldn't talk about what she was wearing, so she wouldn't take the attention away from the people that the... Well, now that's ironic. She's getting ironic here. She's getting attention anyway. Very ironic. All right, 0800-DALES-AT-HEM-9696.

How much of your wardrobe has only been worn once? People are hated. Hated. Both sides. So this is from the royal wedding. This dress that Kate Middleton wore, it's the fourth time that she's worn it to a, quite a high profile.

Yeah, quite a high profile. yeah, quite a high profile. She wore it to Charlotte's christening. The Queen's official 90th birthday celebrations, yeah. And to their first outing

after she had the first one. George. George. I reckon it's got shitbag written. Oh, Hayes trouble.

He's going to start fires. And Megan, you're like, she hasn't put in an effort. A lot of people are saying this. It kind of just looks like she didn't put in an effort for A lot of people are saying this. It kind of just looks like she didn't put in an effort for what is like

a massive royal event. But maybe she's like, I just can't be bothered finding, and maybe she couldn't find something. Are you kidding? Someone does that for her?

Yeah. Okay. Well, anyway, we know where Megan sits on this because she's got four things in her wardrobe that she's owned. Five.

Five things she's only worn once. But I intend to wear them again I'm not going to wear it and throw it out but in a couple of years it won't be in fashion I'm not going to wait

a couple of years Anya's got about ten things she lied to us and said four or five but we know it's about ten she's worse than me she gets an ASOS package once a day

somebody said they're in a worse situation they've got dresses that they bought to go to weddings yeah have never worn them again because they're in a worse situation. They've got dresses that they bought to go to weddings. Yeah. Have never worn them again because they're a real casual dresser. So when they do dress up,

it really stands out and people are like, wow, you dress up, you look so lovely. And then they remember. Yeah, they remember exactly what they're wearing so they can't sort of like camo and that into the next event because they're like a beacon every time they put lippy on. Shell, how many items in your wardrobe have you only worn once?

Like maybe half of my wardrobe. And how many, put a number on it. Maybe 20 plus. 20 plus? But you intend to wear them again, right? Are you just spacing them out? Yeah, you could say that. I've got a few that still got tags on them,

and I haven't actually worn them. I just bought it, but I haven't had a chance to wear them kind of thing. So many people have messaged that, and two, that they've got outfits in their wardrobe that they haven't worn at all yet, that they really will one day. But what are you waiting for? An event! It's an event.

It's so hard, because you buy it, and's so hard because, like, you buy it and you think it looks really nice when you buy it and then you have to wait for an event to wear it, but then those things don't happen. We're different because I only go shopping for clothes when I need them. I don't go shopping for clothes

on the off chance that I might at some stage in the future require them. Like, I think I got my suit two days before I needed it. Yeah. But we're trying to future problem solve, you know? We're trying to think ahead. It's like planning ahead, people. Planning ahead.

Oh, God. Okay. Lucy, this is your mum. How many, what's the deal? So I've got like a full double wardrobe and two chests of drawers full of clothes that I never wear because she forces me to buy things because they look nice. Your mum does?

Yes. Does she pay? Sometimes. Oh, that's okay. So how many items would you have in that wardrobe that you've never worn or worn once? At least 20 dresses plus all the nice tops that go with wardrobe that you've never worn or worn once? At least 20 dresses, plus all the nice tops that go with jeans that I'd

never wear. Just sell them then, because she's not going to know what you have and what you don't have. No, just laziness. Pure laziness. Emily. Hi. How many clothes do you have in your wardrobe that you've only worn once? Probably around

20 to 30 pieces. But in saying that, I actually do something that I buy it, wear it once, and then put it on a rental website. Oh, that's a good idea. So other people can have this sort of like illusion that they're only wearing it once as well. Yeah. Yeah, right.

And then you don't have to buy the whole thing and then be stuck with it. Exactly. And you can sort of make money off your mistake of only buying something to wear it once. And it pays itself off. Yeah, exactly. So you rent it. I wonder if it has paid itself off like three times. So you rent it to a rental place?

Just through a website. I don't know. And then I put it through and rent it to other people. Right. I don't know. It got to through and rent it to other people. Right. I don't know. It got to that stage of those closed rental places where they're renting them

to other people and rent them to other people. But middle man renting. Who's cleaning this dress? Oh, you have to put it into the dry cleaner yourself. That's who I feel who's really profiting

off these dress rental places. The old dry cleaners. Yeah. Okay. Thanks, Emily. Somebody said, if we take into consideration that Kate also had a baby four weeks ago

when most of us with three children on the third can't even get out of pyjamas or the house, I think she's done pretty well to put anything on, to be totally honest. Yeah. Are we hearing from any guys? Nah. Oh, you know, occasional guys just say,

we just learned to put up with this stuff because my partner demanded these heels for her party. It doesn't say what party it was. I'm imagining 21st or something. Demanded them. They were the best thing. They were going to be so practical. She could wear them to all sorts of occasions.

So I bought them for her and she's worn them once. Megan's laughing because that's her exact argument to Andrew. I can wear these. Look, they're so practical. They'll be so comfortable. I can wear these all the time. How many heels do you have

that you've only worn once? No, because remember, I perched a lot. She did the great heel purge of 2017. Yeah, and now I'm like, I don't have enough. What do I wear with this outfit?

I had that cute coloured pair that I could wear with this, but you made me throw them out. So I need another pair. Unbelievable. It's a never need another pair. Unbelievable. It's a never ending cycle. Okay. I feel alienated now.

Good. Maybe we needed to have this conversation a couple of weeks ago before the awards when you were I couldn't wear that dress again. It's the same event.

It's like Kate wearing it to a wedding and then wearing it to a wedding and then wearing it to another wedding. That would have been just an absolute faux pas. Well, Kate hasn't caught on fire and died, has she? No. The world hasn't exploded. No, not yet.

You can't talk sense. No, no, no. There's no talking sense. No, this is the thing. You just go along for the ride. I'm not. Okay. You just kind of do what you're told.

Okay. This will get us some it, you're told. Okay. This will get us some PlayStation time, though, eh? Bloody better. And bloody better. Those Fortnite skins aren't going to unlock themselves. Where are we dropping, boys? Who are you playing with? Fact of the day deals with testicles.

Okay. Okay. Right. Deals with testicles. And the largest testicles in the animal kingdom. Okay. Percentage of entire body weight. Okay.

This isn't largest overall. As a proportion. As a proportional. Okay. As a proportion. As a proportional. Okay. As a proportionate, yep. The largest testicles belong to that of the bush cricket. I was going to say an insect. Yes, it is an insect, the bush cricket.

I don't think insects had testicles. Well, they do. Testicles primarily are just where male genetic materials manufactured. Yeah, yeah, true. They don't have to be big hangies. No, no, they don't have to be hangies. These are internal. Because that's what I imagined was a cricket sitting on a tree.

And it's just got some huge... I can't. You know, like people get those fake ones for your toe bar? Yeah, yeah, yeah, like that, hanging off a leaf. Yeah. Like he reaches back to rub his leg on his abdomen to make a crickety noise, but he keeps hitting his balls. So it's like...

Oh, right in the tube part. You wouldn't know the pain, Megan. It's very... It's sore. There you go. But that always helps if you get a light knock to the... I don't know why, but a successive... Did you just go cool?

Holy! So it takes up 14% of the insect's body weight. Oh, it looks like more than that on here. Oh, 14, what size though? 14%. It's like they're internal. Yeah, yeah, they're internal. But it takes up a huge amount of its body.

Yeah, they more or less take up the entire abdomen. Huge balls. Huge balls in the sky. So it would be the equivalent of an 85kg male having 6kg testicles, each testicle. Would that be like a watermelon? How heavy is your average watermelon? I'd say probably about that. Or a 5kg sack of spuds to give you a weight.

And then a box of Weet-Bix. Sure. For a weight. Sure. So 6kgs each, 12kgs in total, testicles. You really got me with the potato analogy. I was like, yeah, five kgs. I made it relatable.

Even bigger than that. Like tie some of those onto your abdomen. And drag them around. Are they as sensitive as like... Well, they're internal. I don't know if they're internal. So if you picked one up and like tapped it on the belly, would it be like, oh!

No, because it's an exoskeleton insect. Oh, it's got a shield. Yeah, yeah. They're well shielded in there. You wouldn't be dragging those things around at all. That's amazing. Yeah. They actually took the record in 2010, this discovery was made,

they took the record off the fruit fly, whose testicles made up 10.6% of its body weight. And fruit flies are tiny. You think next time. Oh, I've got a couple of those hanging around my fruit bowl. Yeah, if your banana lingers too long, peaches I know are another real culprit. Yeah, they love those. If a peach gets a soft spot, the fruit fly will be right in there.

They're big balls. Yeah, they... I've googled that too. They also... Oh, they're orange. They have orange balls. Do they? Yeah.

Okay. What, like a fluoro orange? Yeah, quite fluoro actually. Fascinating. We've talked about this. I've had my hands in my pockets kind of like safeguarding the area. Like I don't usually guard, but I feel like I've just had my hands just

guarding there. It's a real design flaw for you to have them where they are. It's a cooling thing, isn't it? To keep them at the right temperature. Yeah, right. Because if they were internal, they'd get too hot. That's why, you know, your computer has a little fan in it, Megan. This is nature's fan just hanging around. And when you go in cold water, why?

They go up because they're trying to get to a warmer place. They're trying to snug up and get a little bit warmer. Right. Well, that's the excuse anyway, isn't it? And kangaroos, one of our design flaws is that we can't suck them up when we're fighting. Yeah. Because they're external and they're quite dangerous. Kangaroos have external testicles, but when the fighting starts,

they can go, and they go up inside them, and they can shield them from any sort of outside influence. You're looking at kangaroos' balls. Yeah, they are pretty big, aren't they? You're getting flagged from IT. I am. I've searched three different now. A lot of balls.

Houses. The first external one. So today's fact of the day is the largest testicles in the animal kingdom as a percentage of body mass belongs to that of the bush cricket. Fact of the day, days edition of Fast Food Fight. So we said, coming Friday, we're going to get some hot chips around the country to celebrate, like we did when the cheeseburger won in our fast food fight edition.

When it was Kiwi treats, the chips won, let's do this, except let's not just go to one spot anymore. I can confirm we have three confirmed outlets for hot chips this Friday. While stocks last. Okay. And we're working on more, aren't we? Yes. We aim over the next few days to get as many places around the country as we can.

Yes. While stocks last with free chips on Friday. Are we going to say these confirmed places? Yeah, I'm going to tell you now the confirmed places for this Friday, lunchtime. Okay. Hot chips. This is great. Is there free sauce as well?

Do we get sauce? I mean, put that on there. This is great. I felt like we were too organised. What if we just say yes, free sauce, because then it puts pressure on us. It puts pressure on someone to provide some free sauce. But like no mustard and mayo and stuff like that. Who's putting mustard on chips?

Mayo, we could be. No. Aioli. Aioli. No. Best Foods mayo. Aioli. Aioli.

Best Foods mayo with tomato sauce mixed together or sweet chilli sauce is next level. If you want the mayo, bring it yourself. Can we have Heinz aioli? Aioli. You kids. No. Aioli.

He's going to try and get sauce. What about like tartare? Oh, that's for fish. No, but it makes me think like I'm eating fish without actually eating fish. What about vinegar? That's cheap. Oh, yeah, vinegar's good. With a spritzing bottle.

Yes. Yes, girl. They'll have a coating of salt on them. That's it. That's cheap. Oh yeah, vinegar's good. With a spritzing bottle. Yes, girl. They'll have a coating of salt on them, that's it. That's maybe all we should promise. That's all we can guarantee on this Monday, but by Friday we might have

sauce on board. We might have a sauce provider. So I've got three outlets to tell you about number one. Oh no, I'm going to save them till last so I can speak to

how good this place is. Okay. Lincoln Fish Supply on Christchurch. Okay. That's at 7 Gerald Street in Lincoln. Okay. Okay.

That's out there by Lincoln Uni. That's good. That's good. Yeah, they'll be down there for a hot chip, those farming students. Free feed. Yeah, free feed. Free chip Friday. Here are the chips.

Yeah. Yeah, cheers. Here. Righto. Over. Over. Yum. I'm going to eat those in the Hilux.

You sound like someone's dad. Yeah, that's what they all sound like at Lincoln. Oh. They don't. They all sound like people's dads. You walked into Lincoln with your eyes closed and you had to try to find your dad by sound. You'd never find him.

Here he is again. Dad. Yes. Yes. Yes. What? I'm so lost. Can I take off the blindfold?

No. No, you can't. What are you, Sheila? No, you can't. Right, okay, Sheila? No, you can't. Right, okay. That's our first location. So Lincoln Fish Supply in Christchurch, 7 Gerald Street, Lincoln. Next is...

What time are we saying these will be available from? Are we saying 12? 12 is 12, right? 12 is lunchtime, 12 is hot chips. James, make the call. I say 12. James is saying 12. Okay, 12.

James said 12. Wild Sox last. High noon. Okay. High noon. Okay. High noon. Where's the other place? Number two, we're going to Lower Hutt and the Wellington Sea Market in Lower Hutt, 87 High Street in Lower Hutt.

Brilliant. Okay. I don't know this. I've looked it up on a map. Okay. And it's beside the Hutt River now. I know that's quite a long river. So maybe start at the top of the river in a sailboat.

Follow it down. People know where that is. Follow it down. Locals. I'm just looking on here. It's by City Fitness, which is ironic. Hey, it's Friday. This is why we're doing it on Friday.

Because calories don't count on a Friday. Calories don't count. We're free chip Friday. So we're confirmed for Lincoln. We're confirmed for Lower Hutt. And I can confirm that this is good for the Hamiltonians. We're doing this at Wong's Kitchen. Oh, Wongy's.

Wongy. He knows chicken and he knows chips. Oh, goodness me. Wongy's is the place in the main street where we got that fried chicken that night. Did you have some of that fried chicken? I think you had some of that fried chicken. It was when Fletch wasn't there. Yeah, I had food poisoning.

Caitlin's saying I wasn't there. Remember when I didn't go on the trip? It was me, you, and your friend, and Megan had already gone home because she got a little bit drunk. With Andy P, remember? Oh, you were like, I've got to go home. And so we got to go. Andy P had to take his mum home.

Because she had too many shatties. Mr. Toyboy. He's like, I got too lit, too quick. Seriously, he's like, am I okay to take Megan home if we fulfilled our obligations?

She's a little bit tipsy. Megan's a little, I'm fine. That is a score for Hamilton. I know, Hamilton, this is the Frankton. This is 63 Massey Street

in Frankton, Hamilton. That's the original Wong's outlet. Okay. That is the home of wonderful fried goodies. Oh, I'm excited about that. So that's in Hamilton, Lower Hart Christchurch. We're looking to confirm today.

I've got a meeting straight after the show. I don't. But I want to leave, so I'm going to tell you I'm in this meeting, but I'm not actually in this meeting. We're confirming. It looks we've got three Auckland maybes. Okay. Three Auckland maybes.

Oh, right. A Tauranga and maybe a Nelson. Good. I think we can do most of the country by the end of the week. We can get some outlets confirmed, surely. I mean, I'll just promise this now. Yeah.

And sauce. Well, I know it's getting cold in Dunedin. They probably need it. Oh, we need it in Dunedin. They can hug the chips till they go cold and then eat them. They probably need it. Oh, we need it in Dunedin. They can hug the chips till they go cold and then eat them. But we'll get all the details

as we get them and all the confirmed locations. ZM Online. What? ZM Online. Zodom. Zodom Online. You said that

Kiwi accent to the night. I got a little bubble in my throat. Bubble in your throat. In my throat. ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. For more,

check out ZM Online. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The Podcast For more, check out ZM Online