ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 23 2019

Episode Date: May 22, 2019

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ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. He's done this before and it failed. It was a bunch of all nonsense. 1800s thoughts and... Boo! Coming up on... That sounded noisy for you. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan, you deliberate, decide which headline.

The others are deleted forever. We never find out about those stories. Sadly, that's how story time works. It's like life. Can't always get what you want. What a huge disappointment. Can't always get what you want. No. Headline one, DNA test jackpot.

Headline two, Bermuda shorts are ugly. And headline three, Tina rested after letter to Santa. Those are your headlines today. I believe I know one, the DNA jackpot. Is that the guy, like there was just a builder and it turns out he never really knew who his father was, but his father was very, very wealthy and he passed away.

Correct, yes. And it was payday for a guy who I think he quoted as saying he'd never managed to save a pound because he was British. Was he British?

He was British, yeah. I'd never managed to save a pound in my life. Everyone was like, you son of a B. But then he grew up without a dad, so. Yeah, exactly, yeah.

Right. I want the Bermuda shorts because the teenagers letter to Santa is pretty rough. Self-explanatory, do you think? Yeah, it's not a heartwarming story at all. No, it's not. No. It's not, no.

So, yeah, Bermuda shorts. Bermuda shorts, Vaughan. Happy with Bermuda shorts? Very happy with Bermuda shorts. Very happy. We go now to San Diego, where after issuing thousands of hours of detentions to students modifying the length of uniform skirts, Cathedral Catholic High School in the Carmel Valley neighbourhood of San Diego has made the decision to ban skirts from its dress code.

Really? Yes. So students at the school learned of the new rules in an email. It was sent to parents and students. They wrote that the dress code exists to foster a faith-based environment where students are focused on learning and not outward appearances. And apparently male teachers had felt uncomfortable addressing female students about the length of their skirts.

Even female teachers also frustrated at the ongoing challenge of dress code. So before the ban, female students were allowed to wear skirts that were not excessively tight or form-fitting and that were no shorter than three inches from the top of the kneecap while standing upright. That sounds like my school.

That would have been your school, pretty standard. Yeah. I never remember there being a tightness rule, though. I just remember the length rule. They just never were tight because they were pleated. Or, no, my high school had, you know, if you're willing to, you could wear that thing quite tightly. Oh, really?

As I recall, yes. It doesn't sound like much has changed because we used to get mum to hem them up more or you'd roll the top of them because then the teachers would ask if you'd rolled your skirt and you're like, no. Right. You can still take it down. Yeah. Onto the headline of the story that gave us the headline.

Female students will be allowed to wear pants, capri pants or Bermuda shorts with male students having the option to wear pants, capri pants, or Bermuda shorts, with male students having the option to wear pants or shorts, but female students at the school unhappy because they say Bermuda shorts are ugly, and some of them have taken to protesting outside of the school. One banner there reading, Bermuda shorts are ugly, with a cross through a symbol of pants. They are. They're a casual knee-length.

I've never, ever heard the term Bermuda shorts before. Crossed through a symbol of pants. No one should be wearing... They're a casual knee-length... I've never, ever heard the term Bermuda shorts before. They are... They're like tight jeans, eh? That someone's cut off and... They're like a knee-length jort. Yeah. Yeah, they're either described as a walking short or dress shorts.

Yeah. They can be cotton or denim. They look mostly like they happen to be denim. But it's weird because they're like they don't wear a tight skirt, but you can wear pants that are tight around your body. Yeah, that's weird. Like, I get the shortness thing, but, yeah, they're just as tight.

And ugly. But school uniforms have been ugly for years. Oh, they have been ugly for years. We always had to wear shorts, too. Even in winter. Until you were like the last two years of high school. I wear shorts too. We wanted people to concentrate. Even in winter. Until you were like the last two years of high school. I thought that sucked.

Yeah, we had to wear... I know there was longs but they were cords. Like corduroy. Corduroy pants. Are you kidding me? Yeah. Morrinsville High.

Yeah, they had corduroy pants. I don't know what the uniform looks like back there now. Corduroy pants. What colour? Brown? No, blue. Blue corduroy? Are you sure? You know what corduroy is, eh? there now. Kord pants? Kord pants. What colour? Brown? No, blue. Blue?

Are you sure? You know what Kordoroi is, eh? Yeah, yeah. It's got the lines in it. No school uniform had Kordoroi pants. I don't know, man.

I'm pretty sure Kordoroi pants. Are you sure mum just didn't buy some blue pants? No, I wasn't allowed Kordoroi. I never had Kordoroi pants.

I just had shorts the whole time with like long socks. What about winter? Just shorts with long socks. Yeah, ruthless, eh? Yeah. Freezing cold in winter.

I honestly don't know if I owned a pair of long pants growing up. I can remember getting my first pair of jeans when I was like a teenager. Maybe we had the odd pair of track pants, but we never had, like, long pants. Wow. That's all right. Okay. What about those pants where you can, like, attach the bottoms, like, button them on?

Oh, the rip-off pants. No, never. Gosh, no. My dad's nickname is Shorts because he only ever wears shorts. My dad looks weird. When my dad wears long pants, I'm like, where are your knees?

Do they still exist? I'm used to seeing them all the time. When my dad wears long pants, I'm like, where are your knees? Do they still exist? I'm used to seeing them all the time. But yeah, I'm sure it was corduroy pants. That just doesn't say. I just tried to Google, but I couldn't find anything. I'll have to chat to some of my fellow alumni from the 90s, but I'm sure we wore corduroy pants. That's so weird.

I'll flog out some questions. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. A woman in the Sunshine Coast wants to fund her wedding. She wants $81,000 for her wedding. She's not asking people online to chip in, is she? She's asking people for help, but not money-wise. Right. So she wants to do it entirely through recycled containers. That means that she needs to recycle 810,000 bottles and cans.

Before you laugh, so there's a recycling center. No, it's too late. You already laughed. I already laughed. You already laughed. There's a recycling center that she's been working with. She literally visits there every day. And she has already recycled more than 50,000 containers.

I mean, you think about 800,000 containers, it's close to a million. Like, picking up a million containers. So, the reason she's asking for help from other people is people are giving her containers and stuff as well. Right. So they're saving their recyclables

and giving them to her, which is making it easier. But she has already earned $5,000. So that has paid for the wedding dress and for them to get to Vanuatu. But she wants to cover her friends and family's flights and accommodation to get over there. So the wedding's in March next year. So what? Just under a year.

Yeah. Okay. But it doesn't say how long she's spent getting that $5,000. Because in Australia you get, is it five cents or two cents for a container? Like plastic or? Because it says on the bottle, SA. I always wondered if that was South Australia or South Africa.

No, it's South Australia. Right. But that's 10 cents, isn't it? Yeah. Because I've seen machines in Europe where even at the local supermarkets you chuck in your recycling

and it'll print out a little receipt or give you money. Right. That's cool. Which is pretty cool. So if she sold recycled 50,000 containers and she's got $5,000

that's 10 cents, right? Yes. Seems a lot cents, right? Yes. Seems a lot though, eh? For like a plastic bottle? So by that, if she's hoping to raise what? Get 800,000 bits,

she wants $81,000. Yeah, in total. Right. Good on her though. Yeah, no, because I mean there's, you know. Yeah, and so the...

No one else is cleaning them up, are they? The recycled centre that she has been visiting, they gave her a cheque for $1,000 to celebrate her months of recycling as well. So they're very grateful for her work. And at least she's not asking everyone to donate. She's doing it on her own accord. Well, yeah, because a lot of people just say,

hey, we're getting married, here's our GoFundMe page. Yeah, please donate. Okay, cool. Yeah. So we don't have anything like that in New Zealand though, do we? Does that be down? Well, you're used to it. I remember when I was a kid you could recycle cash for cans.

It was aluminium. It was when, but then I felt like was there also, do we still recycle that locally? Because I mean most of our plastics end up offshore, right, at different places to be recycled and kind of just end up in massive piles in third world countries but do we still recycle aluminium locally? Because that was the vibe right? They'd buy them and they'd melt them down

and they'd sell the blocks of aluminium to people building things. Yeah I don't know. I just imagine melting down all the cans I donated as a kid half of them were filled with rocks and sand to make it heavy. So you're the one that spoiled it for us. Probably. Probably. Probably.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. Well, they disappeared some time ago. We looked into this once. I remember talking about them on air and we couldn't remember when exactly they disappeared

and it was around the same time that Doritos came to town. Yeah, I think they were like, well, Doritos are the new thing. Yeah. Same company, Maxim. We'll get rid of these. And CC's disappeared.

Only CC's. It's tasting like D's. Yeah. Well, apparently they're making a comeback. Bluebird, who own CC's, are bringing them back for a limited time. And tasty cheese and flame grilled barbecue flavor. Why a limited time?

I don't particularly remember the different flavours. I remember the cheese. I mean, I remember the ads. Yeah. Because they had like, what were the ads? You probably wouldn't get away with that. They were Mexican cultural appropriation. Yeah.

Yeah, actually. And like really thick accents from white people, obviously just pretending to be Mexican. So it was CC's and Aztec Corn Chips. Aztec Corn Chips made the natural way. Okay. They're in your store today. Again, more appropriation there.

Yeah, yeah, on the end there. It's a different time. I didn't even know that was in there, but then it just... Yeah. Advertising gets in there. So they're bringing back CC's. No word on Aztec corn chips.

Right. Do you think now that we've been, like, blessed with Doritos of many different flavours, do you think we're going to like them? I think everybody remembers the nostalgia of the chip. You remember them being at parties when you had no worries. Yeah. Like when you were a kid and like the world was pretty chill

and now they're coming back and you're going to taste them and you're going to be like, the world, this isn't making the world chill, guys. What's happening? They need to bring back those. Well, we talked about this

during Food Fight, the Chippies edition. Was it Biggins? Sweet and Tangy Biggins? Yeah, there was Sweet and Tangy Biggins and there was one called Kiwi Chips. God, they were good. We're talking the Kiwi Chips

Sweet and Tangy. Yeah, we were talking the standard potato chips. The pink packet. Oh yeah, they were good. Kiwi Chips kiwi chips sweet and tangy. Yeah, we were talking the standard potato chips. The pink packet. Oh, yeah, they were good. Kiwi chips sweet and tangy. Those were... Legit.

But again, from a time when your biggest worry was whether or not you'd forgot it was Mufti Day. This is true. This is true. And you were going to get to school and be in your uniform when everyone else was in Mufti. God, that would have been the most horrible thing. Could you imagine? You just go home, don't you? Yeah. No, when you're a rural

kid. Oh, how do you get home? You didn't know until you took three steps up onto the bus and the door shut behind you and you looked and you're like... I can't get off because mum's not going to take me to school. Yeah. I'm just going to ride this out. Try to make my uniform look like casual attire.

From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Skypath. That's the robotic thing from Terminator that comes and kills us all. Brilliant. Well, they're going to put one

on the harbour bridge. Good one. Great. You're going to put that there for? We're going to die. We're going to Develop an artificial intelligence Kill us all The Skypath

Has been given the big tick Yesterday and sort of the design Revealed for the Skypath This is gonna be the ability This is gonna give people the ability to Walk, cycle We've heard no go-karts. Boo!

The official word is no go-karts. Bureaucratic nonsense. PC red tape madness. I pay rates. I'll go-kart where I want. French bureaucracy. What's really the difference between a go-kart and a lime scooter?

You're sitting down. They're both like... Put two lime scooters together, you've got to sell a go-kart. Okay, I'm going to weld two lime scooters together. Do it. One for each foot. Yes, like you're water skiing.

Yes. You're water skiing across the bridge of bureaucracy. So it's going to go on the side of the harbour bridge. The initial thought was it would go under, kind of at the gooch of the bridge. Right. But it's going to be clipped on the end like an extension of the Harbour Bridge. The initial thought was it would go under, kind of at the gooch of the bridge. Right. But it's going to be clipped on the end like an extension of the bridge

to make your bridge look longer and wider. Brilliant. It's all about trim. Keep it trimmed. Yeah, yeah. Keep the trees, keep the protected pahutukau at a decent level either side of your bridge

to make your bridge look longer. And it's going to go on the side because it can hold so much more weight if it clips directly onto the concrete piles rather than hanging off the metal. Right. So, well, if it can just hold that much weight, here's the top six other things I think should be clipped onto the side of the Harbour Bridge. Okay.

Number six, maybe some clip art. Maybe a little boat. Maybe some sun. Maybe something to liven up an otherwise fairly boring presentation. Right. And be afraid to clip on a little clip art. Number five on the list of the top six things to clip onto the Harbour Bridge, a freshener clip for everybody's bread or chippies.

Right. Just put it in, can clank, and then on the way to work, when you're walking, you can pick your bread out and eat a sandwich on the way and it'll be as fresh as it was yesterday. A freshener clip. Number four on the list of the top six things to clip onto the Harbour Bridge, a Glade clip-on. Like the one in your car, but city size. Giant.

So the whole place smells of lavender. Right. Okay, but what if the wind is, that'd be quite pungent. Yeah. But if you ever had one of those in your car, they are quite pungent. Yeah, right. That's the idea. But it covers everything else.

Yeah, farts, et cetera. Number three on the list of our top six things to clip onto the Harbour Bridge are Clippy from Microsoft Word. And when you go to work, he could say, looks like you're trying to go to work. Can I assist? And you'd be like, get out of here. How do I get rid of you?

I can't right click on nothing. Number two on the list of the top six things to clip onto the Harbour Bridge, sunglasses. You need to wear your prescription lenses, but you want some cool sunglasses? We've got you covered, Auckland Harbour Bridge. Just clip on some, clip on sunglasses. No one will ever know.

Look like you've got a cool pair of sunglasses. And the number one thing to clip onto the Harbour Bridge if we're clipping on the sky path on the side, a ponytail. A clip-on ponytail. It'll look real natural and no one will ever know. People will be like, did you grow your hair on the Harbour Bridge? You'll be like, no, it's extensions, but you'd never know.

You'd never know, but you kind of do know because you get close enough you can see the bit where it clips in underneath. Yeah, that's today's top six. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. This is a report from the UN. It's called I'd Blush If I Could. So it's about AI, and they have done this report

looking into the use of female voices. Now, they've said, is this sexist? Like, for Suri and Alexa, they're both females. Oh, God, I've got female Suri. Do you have female Suri or male Suri? I've got, I just left on what it came with. The default. And I've just looked at, and that's Australian female.

See, I, before reading this, I've always had a dude as my one. So you actually went as Suri. Your virtual assistant. Oh, no, see, I don't like that. That's Australian male. This is my one that I use. He's giving me. Starting walking directions to Sky Tower.

Okay. He sounds bubbly. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. That's the South African male. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. That doesn't sound that South African, does it? He's Irish. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant.

Oh, that's me. That's me. How do you do that? You've got to download these. These must be quite a bit. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Oh, I'm Siri.

I'm Siri. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Any other good ones? I'm Siri. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Where was that? UK. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Where was that?

UK. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. That's the American one. I don't like that. I'm going Irish female. I'm Siri, your virtual assistant. Oh, my God. That is so great.

This is going to freak my girls out because they always pick up your phone and they're like, Hey, Siri. And I'm like, it's Siri. But then Siri answers them and they're like, she answers to both. Okay. But they're going to freak out all of a sudden. She's Irish now. Oh, my God, that's so great. I'm going to go Irish female.

Okay. So they've looked into it, and apparently the default for AI-powered voice assistants is female. And I've seen this is not a great idea because it reinforces ideas that women are subservient and portrayed as obliging and eager to please. I've also criticised the way that when you make gender... Hey, are you listening?

Sorry, I'm just downloading the Irish female. When you make gender-based insults to them, they're deflecting, lacklustre or apologetic, the responses. So this is... But then, so you should have to choose rather than it just being the default. Right. You should have to choose.

I'm pretty sure you do. I'm pretty sure when I first initially set up my phone, there was a choice, right? Well, no, it asks you to turn it on. But I don't think it asks to specify male or female. Right. But then you were getting instructions from your male, but famously in like 2013, BMW recalled cars that had a GPS system in it

with a female voice as a default. Right. To add a male voice, German men would not take directions from the woman, from the female voice. Are you kidding me? Yeah, they all weren't using it because they said they couldn't take instructions from a female voice. Well, technically, the voice't take instructions from a female voice. Well, technically

they're taking instructions, the voice is taking instructions from you. But then you're like, how do I get there? Right. And then they're like, turn left.

Not now! Shush, woman! Car! Shush, woman! Car! Femme car! Shush! Yeah.

So it'd be interesting to see stats if people, if everyone had to choose male or female and then it would be interesting to see stats. If everyone had to choose male or female, and then it would be interesting to see the stats of what everyone chose. It would be Irish. I just think the female voice sounds nicer. Yeah. Well, it would be good if it wasn't just the default.

The default. And they need to work on the responses too. I've never thought about it. No, neither. Is my ignorance to the fact I had options an excuse? Yes. For subservience.

A lot of the responsibility is upon the companies, I think. Right. To not reinforce those gender stereotypes. Right, so we're not sexist because we had a female Siri voice. No. I was really worried what a terrible person I'd become.

What a great podcast so far. Wouldn't you agree, Fletch? Yes. And it's all thanks to Spark. Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now, back to the podcast. Dunedin students have been asked if they could please change their hour of power. This is, in Dunedin, Electric Kiwi is a power company that offers you one free hour of power a day in off-peak times.

Now, off-peak times are between 9 at night and 7 in the morning. Yep. And then there's a gap between 7 and 9. That's peak. Yep. Then at 9 o'clock it goes to off-peak again until 5 o'clock in the morning. Yep. And then there's a gap between 7 and 9. That's peak. Yep. Then at 9 o'clock, it goes to off peak again until 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Right.

And from then until 9 o'clock at night, that four-hour period, that's on peak as well. So those are your busy hours of getting up in the morning, getting ready for work or uni or school and leaving. And then when you arrive home, cooking dinner, doing the washing, doing the drying. It's hating your home. That's your peak times.

So I remember this, when this happened last year, this shut down the power network in those neighbourhoods, didn't it? Between nine and ten is the most popular free hour and it would just become off peak and nine and ten, it would all be on. Because students were turning the oven to 300 fan bake, leaving the door open, turning on all the heaters, the electric blankets, just running the hot water. I never thought about just turning on the oven

and opening the door, just cranking it as a heater. It's wildly inefficient. Wildly inefficient, but sadly, it's like some people's heating options, isn't it? Yeah, that's crazy. But then if you've got an uninsulated house, by 11 o'clock after your hour, you... Yeah, and your windows are crying.

Unless you wet your duvet and put that in the oven, so it's like boiling hot. I mean, I wouldn't put it past some Dunedin students. And then you steam yourself like an umu or a hangi, but eventually that duvet is going to get cold. And moist. And frozen by the morning. The good part is if it's still wet,

it'll freeze solid and then you chuck it off and it goes ka-tunk and hits the ground. Because it's crazy. You wouldn't think so, but a lot of those student flats are actually colder inside than outside. Yeah. I don't know how that works.

I've lived in flats that you could be like, inside and get like a... It's so crazy in New Zealand that we build, we've always built houses like this. Yeah. And these Dunedin flats, not a lot of them have been built lately. They're all old houses.

So what, the power company are trying to change this? Well, they're offering a weekly prize because we get to nine o'clock, everyone would flick everything on and it would blow fuses and there'd be regular power outages because it was just too draining on the grid. So they're offering a $250 account credit as a weekly prize

if you change your nominated hour to one of those hours that's not 9 till 10. Could you go 10 till 11? Like students are up until midnight, aren't they? Yeah, you can go 10 till 11. Yeah. So you don't just do that. I'd just go 10 till 11, get the are up until midnight aren't they? you can go 10 to 11. Yeah. So you don't just do that I'd just go 10 to 11 get the 250 credit

which you've probably burned through with a flat load of students in like a month and a half two months. Oh you dig? 250.

Oh easily that's a month. Easy man. Easy. Are you going to save cooking dinner till 10? No you still cook dinner but you do all your hydrain devices later,

like the dryer. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I'd say my personal experience is not too many student flats had dryers, but then I've never lived in Dunedin, where you would need a dryer to dry your clothes. Yeah, you would. Right?

Because you put them on the clothes horse and they'd still be frozen. A week later. They get that damp smell. So around the world this has happened as well. Right. But here's the weird part. It wasn't in super cold areas. It was in affluent areas where everybody bought Teslas

and all people would get home from work at the same time and plug in their Tesla. Yeah. And it would cause an outage because of the draining to charge the car. So he's like, different reasons. You know, this happens. Yeah. This happens in different places.

First world problems, third world problems. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Yes. Dunedin world problems. Right. So if that's you in Dunedin.

Yeah. You can change it. You can change it. Nominated free hour. Yeah. Why don't we, do they do that deal everywhere? I get a free hour. Yeah. I think it's just their vibe. Yeah. I've got to nominate. What's your free hour. Yeah. Why don't we do they do that deal every year or just an hour? I get a free hour. Yeah.

I've got to nominate What's your free hour then? Well I can change it. So I've got to nominate what time I want to do it. What is it at the moment? No like I get they say you're eligible

for a free hour. So then I get to pick what time. But why haven't you already got it? Because you just pick what time's coming up. You don't get it

like it's not just a constant thing. For me, I say I've earned, like, an hour of free power. Oh, but these guys get an hour a day. Oh, I get it. What, you get one hour of power? No, like, every now and then they go, you're eligible for another hour of power. So you nominate when you want to use it.

But on one day for one hour? Yeah. How often? Like every few months. Oh, please. Oh, okay. Why even bother? What's the point?

It's like when you have to buy 20 coffees to get one free coffee. Yeah, but I'm paying for it anyway. That's a nice gesture. What are you going to do for your hour?

I might come around and charge some stuff. No, I... You might make the most out of this. We like crank everything. Let's put your power into the test.

It's like we never use the heat pump because we are tight. Yeah. And so we crank that sucker. We need to use the heat pump. No, because... The most power-efficient way of heating our home.

No, we just wear more clothes. I'm still, like, in the flat mentality. Like, I don't want to use my heat pump. Crank the heat pump. No, you should talk to my wife who was in barefoot shorts

and a t-shirt yesterday with a heat pump going on. I was like, yeah, right? She's like, it's cold in here, isn't it? I was like, yeah. It's not Fiji, mate. Go chug on some pants. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan's Chachungo Bingo.

Well, we had cash and prizes up for grabs last night. Our very first Cha-Chingo Bingo at the Elephant Wrestler in Takapuna. Should we bloody well get started? First up, 58. I know you love her, but it's over, mate. 58. You had to do 19. How did that go? It over, mate. 58. You had to do 90 of these? How did that go?

It took a while. 56. That's 46 plus 10. So we did make the call to rewrite all of the numbers from the traditional bingo calls. Vaughn, you were in charge of that? Yeah. I don't remember

writing all the ones that were on the paper. So I'm not sure if I like wrote some and then didn't save the document and just exited it. There was one where you wrote a couple of words and then a question mark. Yeah. Was that a note to yourself? Come back to that one, Vaughan, but then I forgot to go back to it. Yeah, because you were saying some and they weren't even rhyming. Yeah.

Yeah. That was the thing. I wanted them all to rhyme, but no, not all of them. So that's on the to-do list. We had 90 balls, so 90 numbers. So it's a lot of new phrases to rewrite, so we can do that.

Quite, were you amazed at how long it took? Like, we had probably 100 people there, and 90 balls. Were you amazed at how long it took for someone to win? Granted, we only did one test run, and doing something once isn't a great test of how something's going to go. But we did a test run here, and we only had six people playing,

and we didn't roll that many balls before we got a bingo. So one line was six numbers? Five or six numbers, yeah. But when we did a full sheet, we didn't have that many balls left in the spinner for someone to actually get to chingo bingo. We're learning. I'm sure mathematically there's a formula for that.

Yeah, we did Ted Rav. We mixed it up with some speed rounds as well. And we all had a job on the night. Vaughan, you were mostly calling the numbers. Some calling. Megan, you kind of did a 50-50. You were in charge of spinning the balls. Yeah, I spun the balls.

And then you took a break with producer Caitlin, and that's when we had... It all fell apart. Well, it did. It really did. She started spinning, didn't she? Oh, you ruined the night! You left your flap open.

Your balls are... DJ James is an orange behind you. Jesus! Having a second. What an episode of shambles. This would be like Sonia Grave spilling all the Lotto balls on Saturday night. It just shouldn't happen, should it? Producer Caitlin left the flap open on the bingo ball machine

and 30, 40 balls went all over the floor. That was fun. Yeah, I left my flap open. And out they came. We've learned, haven't we, that's got to be shut tightly. And you nearly did it again too in the next game. Because we have to keep putting the balls back in, obviously, after each round.

Can we also discuss how we had an 11-77 issue? So you called 11 but you gave me the ball number 77. The two of you just absolutely

No, but when you were handing me the balls, Megan, you wouldn't get ahead of yourself. You'd take your time. But Kaylin just kept passing them to me. So we had an 11 and a 77.

But yeah, we're learning. Keep up. Overall though, I think the night went really well and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. Yeah. Unless they were lying. No, everyone had a great time.

Yeah. We gave away us cash and prizes and we're going to do it all again. Coming up, our next round will be in Wellington next Wednesday, this Wednesday, the 29th. Then Christchurch, June 5, Fat Eddie's and Dunedin at Starters Bar on June 6. So if you'd like to come along and win cash and prizes, maybe, if you can cha-chingo bingo it,

see them online for the details. But if you'd like to register, text bingo to 9696. And probably the highlight for me of the night was DJ James. DJ James. DJ James. Who dressed up like a regional DJ. Tucked in shirt, ponytail. It was a great look.

How did the night go for you, James? I mean, tough first gig. Everyone has to have their first one, don't they? Yeah, they do. Yeah, so, I mean, we just got from here, right? Tidying up the set. Yep, yep. Some of the crossfades between songs. Some of the crossfades between songs.

Some of the crossfades and a couple of the cha-ching-go bingos were a little, maybe a beat-off, but, I mean, we can... It was pretty good. It was pretty good, yeah. I might, I'd just like some more air horn, to be honest. We'll get there. Oh, see, no. I thought we had too much air horn there.

Can you have too much air horn? I felt like we used it a lot. Thoroughly. Use it more sparingly. Do we need something else that's not an air horn to mix it up? No. We need more sound effects. More sound effects.

Yeah, I think we need more sound effects on a button. Okay, we'll look into that. Yeah, I reckon. Okay. It's good when you can do something but see your own faults, you know. Yeah, yeah, true. All right. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast.

ZM. A travel insurance company has compared the cost of backpacking to cruising. You mean like on a cruise ship? Like on a cruise ship. Right. And I've never, ever done a cruise. No, neither. I've been on the Inter-Islander and the Blue Bridge Ferry and the Waiheke Ferry,

and that is it in terms of cruises. Does it appeal to you? No. Because normally the stereotype would be it's mums and dads. Here's why it appeals to me. Buffet. That's why it doesn't appeal to me, because you end up eating just, like, buffet food the whole time.

What's wrong with that? I'm interested to hear how this is a bad thing. Please proceed. I put on too much weight on that thing. This is available all the time. Worry about it when you get back. Just live in the moment. And then if you're purely eating what's on the ship,

you're not getting like local cuisine of where you're going to, right? No, you can still get off the ship during the day. You get off the ship and then they give you like a timetable and then like you join one of their little tours. You don't have to. You can wander around. No, but like you have to be back at a certain time, you know. I don't like being on someone else's schedule.

I'm confused about this local cuisine. Surely they have like a taco Tuesday, a Thai Thursday. Exactly. You're eating around the world. You're at sea. Right. So the only thing this doesn't, I mean, this compares similar timeframes, whereas I wouldn't say backpackers would normally just say,

I'm just going backpacking for a 14-day holiday. Backpacking, you're just kind of doing it as you go, aren't you? Yeah. You have a rough idea and you just kind of join the trail, whereas this compares the first one, it compares a backpacking holiday versus an eight-night cruise from Auckland around Fiji. So a backpacking holiday, if you got flights and had to get your own transport and go to a few different islands, that would cost you $1,100 New Zealand dollars compared to an

$800 eight-night cruise. Right. So your overnight accommodation, your entertainment and food are included. Yeah. And then other things like tourist attractions are extra and so is your public transport. So, yeah, that made backpacking in this case about $650, $700 more dearer. But it's appealing to different people.

Those are very different types of travellers. Yeah, and you're not going to be staying on, like the backpackers would be staying on Beachcomber. Yeah. Whereas, you know, the cruise, you'd be on a cruise ship. Different kind of audience and crowd, isn't it? Yeah. The other one compared the cost of going around from Sydney,

stopping a couple of places in Australia and then going to places like Bali, Singapore and the islands, like around the Philippines. That was a 14-night cruise. It was $900. And to do backpacking, same similar thing, would be nearly $1,200. Right.

Stuck on a plane and a bus nearly 20 hours. Oh, no thanks. But then you're also stuck on the... They don't say you're stuck on a boat. They just say... But then you can move around a boat. You can't move around a bus. Yeah, that's true. There's activities on the boat.

My problem with... I saw a Norwegian cruise ship this weekend had a go-kart track upstairs. A go-kart? A go-kart track. See, I think it'd be easier to do cruises around places like the Caribbean or the Greek islands where there are so many places...

Swimming pigs, yes. Because of the swimming pigs. But there are so many places. Swimming pigs, yes, because of the swimming pigs. But there are so many different stops. Like to get some airlines don't fly between those islands. Some, you know, it's hard to get around the Caribbean, say, but you could do two weeks and see almost everything. But my problem with both of these scenarios is the people. So like you're going to, if you're backpacking,

you're going to have to share like everything with everyone. Oh, yuck. And if you're on a cruise ship, you're going to have to share everything with everyone. Oh, yuck. Those are my problems. When you go on a cruise ship, you get your own toilets and everything. You get your own room. Yeah, I know, but you have to, like, there's just so many people around all the time.

You want to go to the pool when it's packed. You want to go, what else do you do? That's just called holidaying, Megan. Well, where do you go. What else do you do? That's just called holidaying. Where do you go that you get your own pool? Where have you been holidaying? Yeah, but there's other people at the resort. Yeah, just not as many, you know. The only downside to cruise ships is when you hear that everybody's got norovirus.

Yeah, got the gastro or something. And it just tears through a cruise ship, doesn't it? Yeah. And everyone's pooping and where does all the poop go? Where does all the poop go? Into the ocean. Does it?

I don't think it does. It goes into a tank, doesn't it? I think it goes into a tank. Then they have agreements with local places to add it to there. At least those people

will have to deal with that when they get back. Yeah. I mean, they're a special sort of person. Yeah, they are. But yeah, it's just quite interesting

to note that, you know, you probably could do it cheaper in some areas. Yeah. But then if you're backpacking, you're a special sort of person. Yeah, they are. But yeah, it's just quite interesting to note that, you know, you probably could do it cheaper in some areas. Yeah. But then if you're backpacking, yeah, you're probably going to take your time and you've left your job. Yeah. On your way to London maybe for your OA.

Yes. That kind of thing. Right, okay. But if you're back. Take more time. If you're cruising, you've got two weeks, you've got a matching track suit with your partner. Yeah.

Life's great. It's important to have an elastic band on the pants. Yeah. ZM's Flet an elastic band on the pants. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A survey done of complaints made to companies. Yep. What sort of complaints. And this is generally the same report that gives us the list of the most complained about companies.

Yep. In New Zealand. These always have telecommunications companies in them. Every time. Every time. Every time. Major phone, internet and service providers are complained about. Because if the internet goes down, you're not happy, are you? So there's another reason why.

The average New Zealand household has 4.6 telecommunications connections. So you might have different for your internet and your cellular telephone. Yep. You might have a, you know, you've got four connections basically. Because if there's four people and you've all got cell phones, that's four cell phone. You might have a business one. Yeah, you could have a business one. You could have a business internet provider if you've got an at-home office and you run a different leader.

So they're saying that's another reason why it's the most complained about is because every single person has multiple connections to telecommunications companies. Viegogo wins for the most complaints. Well deserved. And they had a real year last year, didn't they? They did. At the start of this year, they've had more and more complaints. But they said they've also looked into the severity of complaints

because while a place might get a lot of complaints, a lot of them might be really easily solved or... Someone's had a bad day. I know the customer's always right, but... They're not. They're not. Yeah. And if you deal with complaints,

you'll know that the customer isn't always right. I just, I really feel, and I always try to, if I'm like ringing up for something, just think there's just a person on the line doing their job. It's not their fault. They didn't cause the problem most of the time. It's hard though, eh? Because you might have been on hold for two hours. And then you finally get somebody and they've just been working,

talking to somebody, very frustrating for two hours. And they also might not necessarily be able to help you straight away. Yeah, hand hats off to them because they would just, you hear stories, they end up in tears. Yeah, I'm being yelled at. But I want to know when someone made a complaint at your work that wasn't really a complaint. Just a silly complaint.

That was their fault, really. They were complaining, but this is not your issue and probably shouldn't have counted towards your company complaints. Yeah, why are you smirking, Megan? No, no, no. I don't know what you're talking about. As a business owner, are you not willing to throw some of your regulars under the bus?

No, not at all. Right, because... We have wonderful customers. Because while they complain, they still pay... There is one that hasn't been back since, but I still don't want to throw that person under the bus. Was it the bacon steaks person? No, no, no, no, no.

They've been back. It's worse than that. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, now I want to know. No, I'm not going to know. I'm not going to be that person. But if they haven't been back...

No, no. I don't want to throw customers under the bus. But was it a silly complaint? Yes. Like they had no foundational base for a complaint. Yes. They were in the wrong. Yes.

And did you have to say, it's okay, we'll accept that? Yes, we had to foot that. Oh, see, I don't know how you, I couldn't do it. Smile and be like, oh, Pauline. Did they eat, have you had anybody yet eat everything then complain? No, no. That would drive me nuts if someone in a restaurant or like fast food, they were like,

oh, something goes wrong with my burger. It's like, oh, okay, can we have a look? And they're like, I ate it. But I want another one. What are you supposed to, because you just want to be like,

well, I'm not satisfying that complaint because it's all gone. But then on the same token, you've got to be nice to people. I couldn't work in a customer service. Oh no, because I'd lose my job

in the first week because I'd just blow my top at them. I'd hoped to go so far that way that it almost became a reason for people to come to my cafe is that I hope while we're there we see him lose his mind at somebody. Like a Fawlty Towers type. Or like a Gordon Ramsay, Hell's Kitchen. You know, people want to see him going nuts at the chefs.

I'd just be going crazy at anybody that made a complaint. Okay, so we want to take your calls now. 0800 DARS at M9696. In your line of work, in your job, what is the silliest complaint? Well, the most ridiculous complaint you've had to deal with.

Maybe you deal with these on the regular, on the daily. Complaints that really are not your problem, not your complaint. Well, a report about the most complained about industries. We want to know, in your job. Not your complaint. Well, a report about the most complained about industries.

We want to know, in your job, the most ridiculous complaints that you have had to field. Fiona, what was your most craziest complaint? So I had a corporate client. I work in travel. Yep. And he complained about a green carpet at the hotel lobby that I sent him to.

Oh, wow. He doesn't like green carpet in the lobby. No. Right. So every time we sent him to hotels, we had to phone the hotel and make sure that he didn't have a green carpet at the hotel. That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of. Who does he think he is? Beyonce?

Yeah, like, I don't even think Beyonce would do that, would she? What, um, was he quite fussy about where he was staying? Yes, yes, very fussy. So, um, we had to make sure that he didn't have green carpets. I don't know. He obviously had some kind of, um... What, it looked too much like grass? It was very confusing for him?

What, he wanted to eat it like a cow? Yeah, yeah, he's like, I was rolling in it, it looked too much like grass. It was very confusing for him. He wanted to eat it like a cow. Yeah, yeah. He's like, I was rolling in it and it was carpet, not grass. Thanks for your call, Fiona. Heather, your most ridiculous complaint? The most recent one being a courier. A lady said to me, can you please explain why this has taken two days to get to me?

Because the person that sent it was a bit tight arse and they didn't pay for the express overnight? Not as bad as I had one afternoon delivery and the guy said, oh, I ordered this yesterday. Wow. Wow. Like, maybe go to the store. Seriously?

Maybe go to the store and pick it up yourself next time, mate. Oh, I don't know how you keep your calm, Heather. It's interesting. It's going to be nice to hear you. You do. Heather, I don't know how you keep your calm, Heather. Oh, it's interesting. It's going to be nice to hear your stories. Heather, thanks for your call. Jess, what has been complained about to you? I work in a retail store and I had a guy

try and return a white shirt that actually turned pink in the wash. Wow. Did you say maybe you put some red something in that washing machine load? Yeah, but I was chatting to him and his wife and they were just

adamant they definitely did not wash it with anything that was red or anything with colour. They do their white separately and I was like, oh, well, it's a white shirt so Where did the pigmentation come from? I don't know, with a tag or something I'm like, the's a white shirt so Where did the pigmentation come from? I don't know, with a tag or something

The tag is white Tell me you didn't have to refund them or anything I was just like, I'm sorry, I can't do that It's not faulty, unfortunately it is you know Yeah, that's on you We're going to take the tyre

and they did, and then they got a refund No! That's a thing. Your fault, yeah. And they're like, we're going to take this higher. And they did. And then they got a refund. No! That's if they can go high enough. And somebody's pay grade where their time dealing with it isn't the same as what it's going to cost just to replace it. Some people are just taking it per se. Oh, that gets me so riled up, Jess. The kicker was they came back to me after I said no.

Well, I said, we got a refund. And We're like, Steve, we've got a refund. And I was like, oh, okay. Good on you. I would have left a security tag on. So beep to an internet store. Jess, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in and some purlers. I'm a teacher.

We had a child start spewing in class, called the parent. They said, well, they're not my problem between nine and three weekdays. They're yours. You deal with it. And when I said, absolutely not. Your child needs to be picked up. They made an official complaint to the school about my attitude and how I wasn't willing to. Wow.

To look after the sick kid. That is unbelievable. There's more. I work for a blind company. We had a person complain that once the cedar blinds were in, they were far too woody. Made of cedar. Also, someone said, I worked at a cafe, we had someone complain that the curly fries weren't curly enough.

I said, have you got any, where are they? And they said, well, we've finished them. And I said, well, how are we to know? They said, well, we took a photo. And they then showed me a photo of the curly fries and were like, obviously we want our money back. We're like, no. It's not happening.

I got an official complaint against me because I didn't say Merry Christmas to somebody when I served them when working in retail. They told my manager that my attitude was an attack on Christmas and their Christian values. No way. Because I didn't say Merry Christmas.

That person's having a rough day. Worked at a gym and had requests for refunds because people had come twice a week for a month and had noticed no changes. So official complaints were made because they wanted a refund. I'd be looking at what you were eating on those other four days of the week. How many times were they going? Twice a week.

Twice a week. Oh, yeah, okay. The other five days. For the other five days of the week. I'm a painter. We painted a bakery. The baker complained that she could smell paint when we were finished. She walked in and was like, who do I talk to about this awful smell?

I work at a council food safety, a department of the council that looks after food safety. Yeah. Someone would make a complaint about a fish and chip shop. So they went through all of this rigmarole. We got an official meeting, and they said, so what is the actual complaint? And they said the chips are too salty. Oh my god. Rather than just going back or saying to the person

next time, just lay off the salt. Somebody said that they were finding their dog, this is from a vet, their dog was a little bit aggressive. They googled how to stop their dog being aggressive and it recommended neutering the dog. So at their request, we neutered the dog. They came back the next day and said,

you've got to reverse this. Fred, once the balls are off, the balls are off. The balls, yeah, they're gone. Because they'd just found out and they felt that they'd not been informed that this also meant the dog couldn't breed. That's just on you for being stupid. Yeah, there's so many complaints that are down to people's stupidity

Yeah You can't tell them that though can you As a response Yeah next time you're going to put someone on full blast That isn't directly responsible For your actual complaint They may have just been dealing with a series of these sorts of complaints Yeah

So go easy on those people On the end of the line Yeah How do you know if it's really Natalie sorts of complaints. Yeah. So go easy on those people on the end of the line. How do you know if it's really Natalie? How do you know if it's really her? Oh, it's been a while since we've played How Do You Know? So right now, we need to work out if you listening know Natalie. Good morning, Natalie.

Good morning. Do you go every day by Natalie or are you a Nat or? No, I'm a Nat usually. Only if I'm being told off or by my parents, it's Natalie. Natalie. Okay. Okay, so Nat. So if you are listening now and you, well, ask Natalie a few questions.

At any stage, if you know Natalie, 0800 dials it in straight away. Natalie, whereabouts in our lovely, beautiful country do you live? So I'm currently living in Mount Maunganui. Oh, a lovely, beautiful part of this lovely, beautiful country. It is. So when you say currently living, have you not lived there your whole life? No, grew up in Auckland and also spent three years in London. Oh, okay.

So let's go back. How long were you in Auckland for? Where spent three years in London. Oh, okay. So let's go back. How long were you in Auckland for? Where did you go to school? So I went to school in the North Shore, but I lived in the Hibiscus Coast. Okay. Hibiscus Coast. Until how old? Until I was 22.

Okay. So what high school did you go to? The HBC. The HBC is a tight-knit community isn't it everybody knows everybody on the hibiscus coast sure is um so we took school at carmel college okay okay so that's how i was in high school right okay and then so when did you move to the mount um nearly four years ago okay four years ago and in in between there, you spent three years in London? Correct, yeah.

So what do you do for a job? Did you go to uni or study? No, I didn't go to uni. Actually, I went to beauty school, if that counts for like a year. Okay, that counts. Yeah, and then, so I work in insurance. Okay. And what do you do, Do you have extra curriculars

Do you play a sport or anything Yeah sure do So I play touch and netball And I also have my own little social group down here So this will be really embarrassing If no one calls through So we have a group where we catch up And get you into the air

And catch up into the nightclub and movies and that sort of thing. Wait, I kind of missed that. You have a social group and why do you catch up? So we will be new to Mount Maunganui as well. We have a social group that I created four years ago for anyone new to the area. So we pretty much just get anyone and anyone that sort of wants to meet new people that are new, and we do catch up.

Nat, that is the cutest thing. That is a great service because moving to a different place would be quite, like, if you've only lived in one area, moving to a new area would be quite scary. It is. What's the name of that group? It's really called the BOP Social Gatherers. The BOP Social Gatherers. The BOP Social Gatherers. Yeah, it's lame.

I know, but it's pretty cool. Wow, that's cool. No, that's good. How do you normally meet people? And then it's cool that you've stayed with it because obviously you've been there for like four years now. Yeah. So everyone just comes and gets added through Friends of Freed,

Power of Social Media, it's Facebook, really. Right. So you said you work in insurance. Can you tell us which insurance you work for? No, I'd rather not. No. Okay. And insurance.

And insurance, though. Okay. Well, that's going to make it harder to... So if you're listening now and you think you know Natalie, 0800 DARS.M, this is how the game works. Yes. Or it could not work. This is always a danger.

She's a social butterfly. How do you know? She started a crew. So you might know her from... Touch rugby. Touch rugby or netball, all back in the day on the Hibiscus Coast. Carmel College. Carmel College, yeah.

That's what we've learnt so far. She works in insurance. So we're called... Yeah, our team sports that we've also got, we're called Two Weekie. Okay. So we have several sports groups down here in the Bay of Plenty. We also had some at Auckland. Okay, well, let's...

All right, let's start then. Let's see who we've got. Good morning, Sarah. How do you know Natalie? Hey, I know Nat from the coast. I also went scouting on the shore. Natalie, does Sarah ring a bell? This sounds

like Sarah Bay. Yep, it is. Oh yeah! That's how we know that it's really Natalie. That's how we know that it's really her. When did you last see each other in real life? Oh, this was in, like, February at a wedding. Oh.

Yeah, yeah, it was then, then. Oh, that's nice. Nice. So would you say you're close friends or more just kind of, eh? I'd say we're pretty close. We grew up together, yeah, like through high school years and stuff. Yeah, okay. It would be awkward if one of them had said, ah, Fletch.

I know, I know. All right, well, that's fantastic. That's one down. Rebecca, good morning. How do you know Natalie? I know Natalie through work. Through this mysterious insurance brokering

agency situation. Why the awkward laugh, Natalie? Is Rebecca your boss? That's what? Is she your boss? No, I don't think so. Do you know her, Natalie? Do you know who Rebecca is? Are you in the mouth? No. You know me better as Bex. Do you know her, Natalie? Do you know who Rebecca is? Are you in the mountains?

No. You know me better as Bex. Underwriter. You're the broker. Oh, yes. Oh, my gosh, that's so awkward. It's going to be that. But you know her.

I'm seeing you today, Natalie. She's seeing you today, Natalie. I know, this is even more good. Back at 11.30. You have to bring your muffins now. It's a winner. It's a winner. Sweeten the deal.

That's how you know that it's really Natalie. That's how you know that it's really her. Did you do Rebecca? Yeah, I did. You tried to sing Rebecca. I did. Why did that? You did Natalie. Shay, good morning. How do you know Natalie? Yeah, I did. You tried to sing Rebecca. I did. Why did that? You did Natalie. Shay, good morning.

How do you know Natalie? Good morning. I grew up with Natalie's husband. Awesome. Hi. I didn't know you were married, Natalie. Oh, we should have asked that, shouldn't we? Yeah, I'm married.

I just, for some reason, I assumed you weren't. Oh, I see. I don't, for some reason, I assumed you weren't. Oh. I don't know why. That's a weird assumption. I think it's because you probably weren't married when you started the social groups. No, I was. You were. What?

How are you going with these assumptions? That's what I'm saying is I'm very happy not to socialise with anybody apart from my wife, so I assume everybody's as reclusive as I am. As everyone's the same. Or I'm the winner. That's how you know that it's really Natalie. That's how you know that it's really her. She said people call her Nat.

It's only Natalie when she's in trouble. Two syllables. Okay. Rachel, good morning. How do you know Natalie? I work with Nat. Hi, Rach. Hi. Do you you know Natalie? I work with Nat. Hi, Rach. Hi.

Do you really know this one, Natalie, or are you just saying the name because you don't want an awkward meeting today? No, no, I definitely know her. I must be seeing her very shortly. Okay. Friends, confirmed. No, she's got any juicy gossip on Natalie, Rachel? No, she's a pretty good girl. That was not convincing.

You don't want to throw her under the bus? Yeah, I feel like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want to throw her under the bus. Well, that's a winner, isn't it? That is, that's it. Let's wrap it up. That's how you know

that it's really night. Nope. That's how you know that it's really night. Nope. That's how you know that it's really half. We need to agree on that. Everyone's calling her Nat. It's over now, isn't it? Nat. Natalie, a successful game of how do you know congratulations.

Well connected. And good on you for running the social group. Yeah, if we ever move to the Mount, I'm going to join in. Yeah, definitely. Because once you establish yourself, I'm going to join in. Yeah, definitely. To keep it, because once you establish yourself, it'd probably be pretty easy to be like, somebody else take the reins of this. Yeah.

Stuck in there. Yeah, no. We actually did a girls' night last night. We all, you know, we ate some faces, and so we went to dinner, and yeah, it was really cool. We all just find this weird, because we'd just rather be at home and not socialising. We could talk to people I don't know. That would be the biggest appeal about moving somewhere It's really cool. We all just find this weird because we'd just rather be at home and not socialising. We'd just rather be at home and not socialising.

That would be the biggest appeal about moving somewhere I didn't know, where I didn't know people. I wouldn't have to talk to anybody. We're terrible people, Natalie. Thanks so much for taking part. Thank you very much. How do you know? Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.

Inconvenience has occurred. I mean, no one's been really hurt or anything. No one's died? No. Well, people have probably died, but it wouldn't have been related to this. There's now ads in Facebook Messenger. In the feed of Facebook Messenger. I was asking a few people about this yesterday.

On your phone. On your phone. So I noticed this yesterday. I had my first ad. So you'll of Facebook Messenger. I was asking a few people about this yesterday. On your phone. So I noticed this yesterday. I had my first ad. So you'll open up Messenger, and then between all your chats, there'll just be an ad that's like the size of two chat lines. Yeah.

So if you go down a few, mine is for a game called Game of Thrones Conquest. And then it gives you the option to download it. To install it. You can literally just go install right, click that, and it will take you straight there for an install. I had an ad for like an airline. This game, they really want me to play this game. This is everywhere for me. They're trying to get you to get it.

This is everywhere. Yeah. But I've so far managed to resist that. Because I remember, like, it feels like last year we talked about the fact that it was coming, that announced that there will be ads in Messenger. Yeah. And remember, like, it feels like last year we talked about the fact that it was coming, that announced that there will be ads in Messenger. Yeah. And we were like, oh, boo. But it's actually started happening. But you haven't even

had one, Megan. No, I've just got one now. Ladies, do you want to make 2019 your year? No. It's a seven-day free trial for a workout app, is what I've got. But I thought it was going to be in chats. That would have been more of an inconvenience. So you think you've got a new message

but you don't. Yeah, or like just in between people's messages. You're like, oh, get out of the way. But no, it's like on your list of chats. It's its own. Right. It's its own vibe, right? Yeah. So it started in Facebook Messenger. Has the DM, is it on Instagram DMs? Is it owned by the same company?

So I assume it's only a matter of time. Nah, it doesn't, nah, it's only in your feed. Right, so it doesn't appear as a new message. I also haven't had one of those for ages. I haven't had an ad in my Instagram feed for a very long time. No, you just get them in Insta Stories. Oh yeah,

just all Insta Story ads. So as you're scrolling through, they come up in between. But you can just skip those, right? Yeah, you can skip through them. But, God, we're just complaining about this thing we get for free that's got ads in it. So you can scroll past just like the tiniest wee bit. Yeah.

Yeah. Speaking of which, we've got some ads to play or something. Oh, no, they're coming up. They're coming up soon. They're coming up. I mean, this is another free service that'll chuck an ad in the middle of it all, isn't it? So, I mean, is the irony of that situation lost on anybody else that people on the radio are complaining about ads being in there in the middle of their chatting

when there's literally ads in the middle of our chatting? Well, let's move on then. Let's move on and forget about that then. Put up with those. That irony has a sort of a bitter taste in the morning, doesn't it? Fact of the day! Day, day, day, day. Familiar with the flag of Denmark?

No. Ah, yes, it's red and it's got a cross correct what color is the cross uh blue or black or white white white it's kind of yeah okay and it's not a perfect square cross either it's almost like annoying but it's almost like the christian cross i was thinking laid on its side i was getting confused because normally it's the same, but it's got the blue cross. Yeah, it's got a blue cross in the middle of the red cross. And they're next door to each other. So it's like Australia, New Zealand flag confusion.

They have this confusion as well. Well, the Danish flag, actually there was a time where there was Prussians ruling over the area of Denmark. Prussians are posh Russians. Cute. We both said that at the same time. They were prohibited from raising the Danish flag.

So what they did instead was invent a breed of pig known as the Danish protest pig. And I'll show of pig known as the Danish protest pig. And I'll show you a picture of the Danish protest pig. And it's because the Danish protest pig looks like the Danish flag. They bred it. So it's a reddish colored pig.

And then it's got a pink stripe that looks white compared to the brownish red it's got on the other side. And a white stripe down its belly. So when it rolls onto its side, when it's lying down lazily in a field, it looks like the Danish flag. And they breed that. How do you go about doing that? Do you get one that's already got a stripe and then breed that? And then breed it with a lighter one, and then you're like,

bingo, we've finally got the colour, so we're going to breed from that. Yeah. Yeah. That's some real antiquated genetic breeding. Some real. From back in the day. Some real clever breeding. Yeah.

So rather than being able to raise their flag and wave that around, they made the protest pig, the Danish protest pig, and it became a symbol of their cultural identity when they weren't allowed to get the flag up under the Prussians. So make a pig. Yeah. Right. Next time you're not allowed to get the flag up under the Prussians. So make a pig. Right. Next time you're not allowed to wave around your symbol, somehow get it bred onto a pig or a cow.

What are you going to say? Next time you're not allowed to go to a party and you want to protest? Breed a pig. Breed a pig. Mum, Dad, can I go to this party? No, no, absolutely not. You've got exams coming up. Right, that's it.

I'm breeding a pig. You're going to breed a pig? I don't know, take revenge on your parents for their non-party attitude. So today's fact of the day is when the Danish weren't allowed to raise their flag

because of the Prussians, which might actually stand for prick Russians, they bred a pig that looked like their flag instead. Fact of the Prussians, which might actually stand for prick Russians, they bred a pig that looked like their flag instead. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. The internet's divided if the age-old nursery rhyme is Itsy Bitsy Spider or Incy Wincy Spider. I had to think about this. What's your hot take?

Because I think I said both. Incy Wincy. Itsy Bitsy, isn't it? You said Itsy Bitsy. Itsy Bitsy Spider, something, something. So I was like, oh, we can just fix this by Googling, but both come up. Right, now we ran a poll on our Instagram.

It's definitely Incy. Let me just get to the end of this giant long story. Is it Incy Wincy Spider or is it Itsy Bitsy? Now, 70% say it's Incy Wincy. Okay. As opposed it Itsy Bitsy? Now, 70% say it's Incy Winsy. Okay. As opposed to Itsy Bitsy. An American versus British thing? Do the Americans say Itsy Bitsy, but we say Incy Winsy because we take after our...

Incy Winsy, Itsy... I'm pretty sure I've said both. Oh, so in YouTube, there is versions of Itsy Bitsy and Incy Winsy. Right. There's little cartoon videos, songs for children, under both. Okay, so then we've got to find our most trusted YouTube children's song provider then. Choo Choo TV have Incy Wincy Spider. Let's start.

This will be right up Fletcher's alley. Oh, this is an ad. Okay. Three, two, one. Can you skip the ad now? Skip. Oh, this is an ad. Okay. Three, two, one. Can you skip the ad now? Skip ad. Skip ad. I'm ready.

Okay. This is Choo Choo TV. This is Choo Choo TV. Oh, God. This is bringing flashback. I'm having flashbacks. Incy Wincy Spider. These are the guys I trust.

These are Incy. So you're going with Incy Wincy. Incy Wincy. Yeah. I just recognised the intro. So, oh, this is catchy. Oh, they put a bit of effort in. Out of interest, how many views do you think this version has had?

Two million? Megan? Seven million. 88 million. Jeez! So, in Wiki, it says, Incy Wincy

is used in Australia, New Zealand and Great Britain. Right. So it must be American

Itsy Bitsy. Itsy Bitsy. Itsy Bitsy sounds cuter actually. Itsy Bitsy. Itsy Bitsy Spud.

Oh my, I've just realised, it has been a while since my girls have watched these. This is parenting gold.

Right. And that's probably why it's got nearly 89 million views on YouTube. Because parents just leave it on loop? Because you just put on that playlist from Choo Choo TV and you need to do the dishes or fold the washing and you just need a little bit of like time and they can watch it over and over again. What did you stop it for, Fletch?

No, Vaughan stopped it. It must have ended. I found another song that the girls used to love. And I'd never, ever, ever heard this song. Ever. In all of my life. And then they saw it. And I'm sure parents will know what I'm talking about.

This one. What is it? I want to know if you've ever heard this song before. Baby shark. No, it's not. These people did Baby Shark way before Baby Shark was Baby Shark. Baby Shark's touring Australia. Really?

Is there any lyrics? Here we go. Johnny, Johnny. Yes, Papa? Oh, I only know it because you have sung it. Hide here, Papa. Hiding somewhere? Yes, Papa.

I found you. What a stupid song. Is it going to kick in soon? But Johnny does all sorts of shenanigans. Johnny's eating sugar, literally out of the sugar bowl. Johnny, Johnny, yes, Papa, eating sugar? No, Papa. Telling lies? No, papa.

Telling lies? No, papa. Oh, do you have been traumatised? Are you okay? He's like, look, dad, I'm eating raw sugar. I'm about to go nuts, but that is crazy. But yeah, that one's had 22 million views. So, I mean, I'm trusting the person with all these views for the Incy Wincy.

So, Incy Wincy British. New Zealand. British Australian. Apparently it was started in California in 1910 and they said Itsy Bitsy. Oh, so we changed it. The British changed it. But I don't know why. I don't know why they changed it to Incy Wincy.

Incy Wincy, Itsy Bitsy. I like Itsy. I think I like Itsy Bitsy. Is it because we had the Itsy Bitsy polka dot bikini, Itsy Bitsy teeny weeny yellow I think I like Itsy Bitsy Is it because we had The Itsy Bitsy Polka Dot Bikini Itsy Bitsy Teeny Winnie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Later in the piece And we were like Well we can't have a spider Being in the bikini We've got to separate them Entirely Maybe Somebody said

Okay Spider aside Do you do the Hokey Pokey Or the Hokey Toky It was Hokey Pokey But it should be Hokey Toky You do the Hokey Toky Hokey Toky

No you do the hokey tokey. I heard someone saying hokey tokey recently and I said, what are you doing? It's not hokey tokey, that's the ice cream flavour. Oh, yeah, it is. The hokey tokey is the dance. And I heard someone saying the hokey cokey. No.

No, it's not the hokey cokey. It's either the hokey tokey or the hokey pokey. It's not the hokey cokey. This is a bunch of hokey-malokey. So yesterday I let everybody in on the secret that my wife had to shave my whole back before a testing to see if I'm a viable candidate for laser hair removal. Yeah. You've been waxing for years, haven't you?

Yeah. So yesterday I went and had the test patch done. Yeah. Up here. On your shoulder blades. Shouldery bit. And didn't hurt at all. No, it doesn't hurt at all.

It's just like a cold jet. Not on that part. Click, click, click, click, click. And it was like a little puff of cold as well. Yeah. And I was like, oh, what's happening? And she's like, oh, I'm doing the test patch. I was like, but it doesn't even hurt.

But apparently later on down the track for the big ones, they might need to up the voltage a bit. And also that's on your back, on your shoulder. Come back to me when you're getting it. Wow, Megan. On your behind. I believe we may have a comparative talking point because when I was there.

Okay. When I was there, Kelly said to me. Do we want to out Kelly? Is the person that had to see that? She's seen Fletcher's. Yeah, Kelly, she's seen it all. She's seen it all. Kelly deserves Fletcher.

This is her job. She's seen it all. This is her job. Very, very great. Yes, you can. Very professional. Yeah, so she said, is there a reason why you're stopping at the bottom of the back

and not carrying on to do? That's what I was saying yesterday. You're going to have like a. The ass. Stripes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I'm wearing hairy pants. Well, now I'm going to be wearing hairy assless chaps

because I'm getting my ass done as well. Say bum, please. Say bum, please, yeah. The bum bum. The bum bum. I'm getting both bums done. Bum bum done. My left bum and my right bum, please. Say bum, please, yeah. The bum bum. The bum bum. I'm getting my both bums done. Bum bum done. My left bum and my right bum.

Okay. So I, and luckily there was a cancellation today, so I've got to go later on today. So that means that's great because I don't have to get shut out to shave my back again. Okay, right. Within like a one week period. Yeah.

So she said, why aren't you doing it? And I said, I don't really know why I've decided to stop. I've just always had it waxed. I've never had the bum waxed. This is karma for you setting me up. And then she said, oh, you should like, you should get it done. Just get it all done because you'll get the back done and then you'll be like, man, that was easy.

And then why didn't I get the bum done as well? So I'm getting the bum done. And I said, well, what do I need to do to prep? And she said, same deal. We need to shave it. I said, how much of it? The lot. So I was like, all right. We need to shave it. I said, how much of it? The lot. So I was like, all right.

Okay, cool. So I went home last night. This was chardalis. I shaved my own butt. I was going to say, this is a good question. Weird area because you can reach it. Yeah. But you can't see it.

So I had to stand on something to get to the right height so I could bend over in the bathroom mirror. Oh my god. Weirdly I wish I'd seen this. I had to, because everybody was

home. It was before the bingo night last night. So everybody was home so I said to Sade, I'm going to go do this. Just make sure the kids don't last night. So everybody was home. So I said to Sade, I'm going to go do this. Just make sure the kids don't come down. Imagine if August had walked in on that. I know, that's like traumatic stuff. No stuff I can ever laugh about.

But I was like, I don't need them here to see. That would have been traumatising for Indy, but I think August will let you have it. Yeah, she would have laughed and gone and told everybody about it. But I'm betting her to it. Betting her to it by telling everybody myself. So I shaved that

and that was weird. Yeah. I've never shaved my bottom before. It wasn't aggressively hairy. It was very fine. But there was quite a bit of it. Yeah, right. Fuzzy. It shaved quite nicely.

How are you feeling now? You have to go right into the crack of the butt. So that was interesting as well. Yeah, yeah. I did all of that. And then I was like, where do I stop? I messaged Fletch saying, when you do this, how far through did you go? And he just sent me back that, but in emojis.

And I was like, seriously, do I stop at the gooch? Am I going right through to the scrotum? Where do I stop? And he's like, all of it. And so I didn't want to ask any more questions. I felt we'd pushed our friendship pretty far at that point. So I just went all the way through gooch and all, boards, everything. Yeah, right.

And I nicked my gooch. I nicked it. With the shaver. Wow. It bled. It was. Right. Wait, so you're like, God, you're Brazilian.

Like, you're like. Myself. Fold. Wow. Nothinged. Wow. Nothing to speak of. How are you feeling today? Again, it looks like I'm wearing hairy arseless chaps. Right.

Do you feel special? So I was expecting between the cheeks, because when you walk, the cheeks touch. So I've got a booty, and I was expecting that to cause irritation, but the real irritation's under the cheek. Yeah. Right.

Okay, yeah, right. Under the cheek. That's kind of like, it's a bit prickly and a bit scratchy. Yeah, right. So that's getting done. So you haven't had a test patch. You haven't had anything touch your butt yet. No, but I figure the butt and the shoulder blade have got to be fairly similar.

Well, you'll have something to report back tomorrow, won't you? Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm sorry, Kelly. Paper g-string, you told me. Yeah. In confidence, but we can share because there are a bunch of points. Did you have to wear paper g-string?

I didn't wear anything. And you said to make sure, like, it's the tuck up. You've got to tuck it all up. Because you don't want anything to be poking down. Otherwise, they'll see poor Kelly yeah it's quite

the whole thing is quite traumatic for you or Kelly for them Sade and I were talking about you think that doing the laser

would be better because people have got to shave before they come in for it but if you were waxing you could see

like some untouched native scrub it could be a real mess you could see like some untouched native scrub. Yeah. It could be a real mess. You could like, it could be 1080 drop. It could be dead possums. Yeah, wow.

I mean, there could be a huia in there, an otherwise extinct New Zealand native bird, but it's untouched scrubland, isn't it? So yeah, that's where I'm at with that. Just thought I'd keep everybody in the loop. Right, with your personal maintenance. Yeah, great. Okay.