ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 27 2019

Episode Date: May 26, 2019

Megan got a company shout-out and the boys are not happy, Fletch had an embarrassing moment over the weekend and what is disturbing your serenity?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thank you, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. I've got a dribbly nose. Do you want the tissues? Oh, actually, that'd be lovely. Well, we don't have tissues. We have hand towels. They're very coarse. Oh, no, I don't want that on my nose. Yeah, they're coarse for your nostrils.

What a delicate wee nose. Fletch rips up his nose every time. Yeah, well, there's nothing else, is there? Very toilet paper. Bring my own. Toilet paper that's a bit like baking paper. It's hard to get a good... Not quality paper here.

Certainly not absorbent. At work, no. Shifts it round. Anyway. How was everyone's weekend? Good. Good. Yeah, that's lovely.

You look like you had some delicious food at your cafe. Yeah, I didn't eat it. I just made it for everyone else. God, that's awful. Yeah, I don't know what you're doing yourself. Just let go and blow out. You own a cafe. You're in the easiest place to do it.

Good lord, if I just ate everything we made, I'd be like, whew. Yeah, but then you're eating your profits. Yeah, that's true. This is why Megan won't give me the discount yet. Every time we go. Because I've got to make money. You've got to make money, yeah.

But what do you make money for? To live. What do you need? What's the main thing you spend money on? Food. Food. You've got it all right there. Eat it before.

Yeah, that's basic maths there. Yeah, right. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Well, I've got three news headlines here for you two. To pick one out of the following three. Headline one, owners of Noah's Ark sue over rain damage.

Headline two, fabulous tank not historically accurate. And headline three, delicate wash for nine-year-old. Those all sound great. All great stories. All great. As per. So fabulous tank, not historically accurate. Noah's Ark's owner suing for rain damage.

That's a weird one. Not like that person that built that massive one. Yeah. Are they suing? Are they suing God for rain damage? I saw that headline, but I didn't read into it too much. The Nullar's Ark one. Yeah.

Yeah, the shit Ark, really, isn't it? Two was the Fabulous Tank, wasn't it? You want the Fabulous Tank? Yeah yeah i'm a big fan of uh did story number three did a kid go through the washing machine i got stuck i got stuck in a washing machine yes a laundry machine not a not your home washing like a side loader front loader yeah you wouldn't fit in the top loader the agitator in the middle you wouldn't fit in a top loader. The agitator in the middle, you wouldn't curl around there. Unless you're a small nine-year-old. It'd just be tiny, mate. I'd say, yeah.

It wouldn't even fit. I'm not encouraging anybody with a baby to see if they fit, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even fit. Well, we go to Bluefield, and it doesn't say where Bluefield is, but it's in America somewhere. And a tank's mysterious transformation has been solved after members of the public were a little miffed as to why somebody had restored a tank and painted it a bright lime green. Is that? No, that looks like canary yellow.

Yeah, well, it's a, yeah. Like a highlighter yellowy green. A fluoro, if you will. Right. Too bright? Too bright. That's kind of my vibe on North Africa war. When they were using tanks in the desert,

they would have been like that. See, that would have hidden in the sand. Well, as you can imagine, the retired army generals and people in the town weren't too happy. And it turns out that they ordered the wrong paint. And they went to go, you know, like an olive, a drab olive. You know, your traditional, you think of a green tank. Yeah.

That colour. Yeah. But they ordered the wrong paint, so they just painted it that colour. They were like, oh, well, this will do. This is what's been ordered. And now it's super cute And now they're apparently Going to have to

Sandblast it Yeah And repaint it Because of the outcry But I personally I think it looks great It does look great And it's not being used

I know For military stuff anymore So it doesn't matter If it stands out And think you'd want it Standing out a bit more. Yeah, well apparently there's like a park

with all of these old army vehicles. Oh yeah. And so you can wander around and you can see the tanks Oh, so it doesn't even move? No, no, no. It looks friendly.

It looks friendly. It's decommissioned. As opposed to like, you know. I don't think it looks that bad. Oh, it's an M41 Bulldog tank. It's in West Virginia, by the way.

West Virginia, is that where this is? West Virginia, yeah. Bluefield. Bluefield, yeah. Yeah. It doesn't look that bad this is? West Virginia, yeah. Bluefield. Bluefield, yeah. It doesn't look that bad. Yeah, well, I... But I know what it means, like sometimes, you know, that's why they always say take a

test pot home and do a paint on your wall, because in different lights, the colour can look different. There's so many shades of white. Oh my God, I had no idea. It's bananas. And then I painted my wall and I was like, why can I see that paint? It's a different white. Yeah. There's like literally 400 whites, Megan. Great whites. different whites. It's bananas. And then I painted my wall and I was like, why can I see that paint? It's a different white. Yeah.

There's like literally 400 whites, Megan. Grey whites. So many whites. Black white. There's black whites. Black white is the most confusing white. Because why would you put black in a white? Well, it's the very opposite.

It's the very opposite. How do they cohabitate one small test pot? And it's only a tiny drop. And look, the tiniest of drops. Otherwise it would go grey. Colour facts. Colour facts. Colour facts.

Flesh, fauna, Megan. The podcast. ZM. If you get a flu jab, there's that roll of the dices in there that might be a different strain of flu. Is that what the vibe is? Yeah, because they put in all the ones that they put in. The known ones.

Will be the big flus for the season. Yeah, maybe the ones that have been out of fashion for a while. A couple of years ago, that flu from like the early 1900s made a comeback. Snuck through. And we all got sick,

but we had the flu jab and we were like, what? What happened there? The sneak through flu. Yeah, no one saw it coming. So what scientists reckon they're a couple of years away from now is a lifelong flu vaccine

because they've found ancient strands of the flu virus. Yeah. By found, I don't think they were just like, ooh, what's this in the attic? It's that box of ancestral flu viri. Yeah. They have discovered The origins of Basically because the flu evolves and changes

Yeah And If they're targeting The mother of all flus The original flu The OG flu Yeah All flus come from that flu

So eliminate that flu Defend the humans against that flu We're all defended against its offspring So if everybody had the flu jab Would we get the flu anymore? that flu, defend the humans against that flu, we're all defended against its offspring. So if everybody had the flu jab, would we get the flu anymore? Well, theoretically no, right? Yeah. Because they're all just sitting dormant places.

Yeah. But where we're at, don't we get every now and then doesn't one flare up from an animal? But that's the same one every time, isn't it, from that animal? Swine flu, bird flu. Bats are the biggest ones. Bats are the biggest problems. Really? Yeah, because they carry the flu.

So what, does someone get bitten by a bat or something? Is it bitten by a bat or they touch something that a bat's been on and then it touches their mouth or the poo of the bat transfers the sickness. Into their mouth. What's that? Guano. Poo. Great.

Now I've got bat flu. Yeah. Now I've got the flu that the bat got when he ate the pig. Yeah. Or I might just be thinking of that. I've just done one moment. I'm probably thinking of that movie Contagion. Yeah.

But I remember reading afterwards and freaking out how Contagion could happen because bats do seem to carry a lot of the bad diseases. And then they cross-contaminate and stuff and they get all around and get up in your business. Would you be first to rush into the lifelong flu jab? No, it's just like a phone update. You give it a bit, let everyone else test it out, and then you go into it.

Well, thankfully mice are updating their latest iOS first because mice were given high doses of this vaccine that's in the developmental stages. Yeah. And they didn't get sick from a typically lethal dose of the flu. Oh, really? The same mice that were given traditional flu shots got sick and died when exposed to the same lethal doses of flu.

Do you reckon, like, the male mice gets injected And he's like Oh god I feel like shit His wife's like Man flu Man flu Oh my god Here we go Man flu And then he dies

And she's like I was an unreasonable bitch He was sick Tsk tsk tsk Tsk on me Unreasonable Would we say unreasonable Tsk on me

For assuming How many times have you died from man flu Never Tsk tsk tsk on me Ass Unreasonable? What did we say? Unreasonable? Tsk on me for assuming. How many times have you died from man flu? Never. Tsk on me assuming the cold I just had was the same thing he had. It definitely is. It turns out there's different sicknesses and maybe he was affected more than I was. Amazing. All the times you've died from man flu.

I was wrong. You nearly died from man flu. How many times have you nearly died from man flu? So many of the times. All of the times. You nearly died from a headache too. All of the times. All of the times. I nearly died from a headache too. All of the times. And when you cut your finger.

If they're bad enough. That was a very bad cut. Well, the most dangerous part about that was when I was feeling woozy but decided to drive myself to the A&E. I did nearly die because I went through an orange light. But I didn't die. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Waiheke Island locals have got a real problem.

And it's how busy the Waiheke Island ferries are and how non-locals or tourists, as they're known, who keep the island's economy going, are really unhappy. They're unhappy because they want to get to Waiheke Island. The locals just want to get home or get to work in the city. They said it's just not enough. Because they've just gone to winter sailings. Yeah, and this has flared up.

But this has been a problem for ages. I remember going once for a ferry at like 11 and being there at like 20 to 11 just because I knew it was busy and still had to get the next ferry. They put on like an extra one. It was was busy and still had to get the next ferry. They put on like an extra one. It was too busy.

Because there's just so many people. The line was out to the street. This is why I wear my captain's uniform whenever I go to Waiheke Island. I'll be like, excuse me, excuse me. And they're like, where are you going? I'm like, well, we won't be going anywhere without me at the helm. That look sharp captain's uniform

doesn't really look legit though, does it? A couple of washes, it's gone see-through. You can see my nips and my jennies. So that's why I just like to scoot through the crowd quite quickly. Is it a criminal offence for impersonating a...

Not at sea. There's no laws on international waters. I'm pretty sure there is. It's very nice. Okay. Well, I've got solutions to this Waiheke Island

ferry situation before it boils over and someone gets a hacky sack to the face. The top six solutions to the Waiheke Island ferry debacle. Number six, a locally staffed pirate ship. Locals only. Okay.

But it's full themed pirate shanty style ship. So you get on, you've got to take off your business suit and don pirate attire. Right. And you've all got jobs to sail the pirate ship to the mainland. How do you slow down when you're coming into port to dock? I don't know. I'm not a pirate. Everybody blows against the sail.

And Pirate of the Month gets to be captain. Okay. And say arr. Arr. Ooh, arr. And have the parrot. Sounds like a lot of hard work before putting back your business suit, putting back on.

No one said it's going to be easy living on the island. True. Sacrifices must be made. Number five on the list of the top six solutions to the Waiheke Island ferry problem. Waiheke Island is all chipping in by those swamp skipper things. You know those flat boats with big fans on the back? Yes. Like hillbillies and swamp hunters and stuff in America.

And then they're just like, yee-haw. And then they ground it at Mission Bay just by driving onto the beach full tilt. And then they chain it up and they rollerblade into the city. I think if like five families could get together, you could fit five on a good one of those. Definitely. Send the breadwinners into the city. What about on a rough day?

I don't know. Go faster? Get air off the waves? Yeah, definitely. That would be a lot of fun. Number four on the list of the top six solutions for the Waiheke Island ferry debacle. I want to say zipline from the top of the Sky Tower

to Waiheke Island. I know there's physics involved, but I've had enough excuses. Something needs to be done. And I feel like that would be really terrifying the first few times. Yeah. But there'd be no stopping.

We don't want to sag in the middle because how would you keep going? Oh yeah, true. Or go to an island from the Sky Tower and then put a big pole on that island and go the rest of the way.

Oh, you're saying so multiple zip lines. Yeah. Like a toto. A couple of stages. And then over to Titi Titi Ma Tangi. Yep.

Don't take any rats in your suitcase. Then you go up on there and you zip over to Waiheke Island. It's a great idea. Yeah, multiple. Like when you go on one of those eco-zip tours of the forest, you know, there's multiple zip lines. It's not just one big long zip line.

Okay, see? Great. We brainstormed our way out of that problem. Number three on the list of the top six solutions for this Waiheke Island ferry debacle that's brewing. Oh, we see those Navy boats parked up not doing much. Yeah, they're cool. Now, they look like they'd tow a lot of sea biscuits.

Okay. So Waiheke Islanders, buy a sea biscuit and you go down and there's so many loops and you chuck your little loop over and then punch at captain at 7.35 because Steve, who moved to Waiheke to escape the rat race, has got to get back to the rat race for one half of his waking day.

Why don't they just all get on the frigate? Because that's for naval personnel only. Silly me. Of course. That will be staffed by people using the Navy's cannons to deter the other Waiheke Island locals who bought a pirate ship.

And those bloody swamp skippers. Yeah, okay. You've got to keep them at bay with water cannons. You can't have just any old Tom, Dick or Harry walking around the deck of a Navy frigate. Number two on the list of the top six solutions for the Waiheke Island ferry. I've done calculations on this one.

This one actually stands up. Okay. The Waiheke Island Fuller's Ferry goes just fast enough to tow a parasail. Okay. Apparently, you want to be hitting speeds of about

48 kilometres an hour to lift a parasail. The Oyster Catcher, which is one of the ferries, is capable of doing speeds of 26 knots, which translates to 48.15 kilometres an hour.

Brilliant. Jump on, we're parasailing. But they have to slow down coming into the harbour, so that's when you'd lose the parasailors. Or put up on turnout. Oh, yeah, okay. Or put up on turnout. Or chuck a sea biscuit underneath them

and then just put them on the rest of the way. And the number one solution to the Waiheke Island ferry debacle, a bridge. If you think going on a ferry is a little cramped and busy, welcome back to Life on the Roads, Islanders. Join fellow commuters for hours a day in crawling traffic where, wait for it, you have to pay attention and actually drive,

not sit back and enjoy an $8 egg sandwich while you watch Netflix. Okay? Okay? Okay. Today's top six Okay ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast A guy who calls himself A happiness expert

And he is a professor Professor Paul He's from the London School of Economics A study has been done They've looked into happiness And what makes a person happy He has found That whilst it would be awful

If anything happened to your children, experiences you have with children are largely miserable. Whose children? Are the Bibbles children or your own? Your own. Oh, no, because Mum, I have a fair bit of fun with mine. Other Bibbles, though. Yeah, but you wait until they're teenagers.

Oh, yeah, true. And they hate you. So he said if you want to live happily ever after, do not have children, go to university, or live near a lottery winner. Don't do any of those things. Live near a lottery winner. Because the lotto thing, yeah,

apparently you're more likely to go bankrupt if you live in a neighbourhood where there's a lotto winner because they call it the contagion effect. So you're trying to keep up with the Joneses. Yeah, but you don't have the money to back it up. But would that be the same as living in a rich suburb? No, but you couldn't afford to live in a rich suburb unless

you were rich. But then if you weren't already in a rich suburb and you won lottery, you'd move. Some people might not. They might just really love where they live. But then they start buying nice things and the neighbours try to keep up. Yeah.

Right. So the happiest group of the population are single women without children. He said single women are happiest and men are happiest when they're married. So if you're a man, you should probably get married. If you're a woman, don't bother. But then

how unhappy are you going to be when everyone asks you when are you going to get married? When are you going to get married? That would be... When are you going to validate your life as a woman? That would actually be the most depressing thing. Yeah.

That's very interesting. It doesn't go into why men are happy when they're married, but we can make assumptions. Please, it's human way. You get everything done for you. Yeah. Well, I don't know if that's a fitness. There's no one on this show anymore that's single without children.

It was Katie. Well, Katie, you've gone from being on the most happiest list here to now being miserable. Is that how you feel? I'm pretty happy. I'm pretty happy with a boyfriend. Did you know that I had a boyfriend? Yeah you've mentioned it. It's the second mention on the show. Have you had kids yet though? Yeah.

You haven't had kids yet? It would be physically impossible for you to have kids with him. Like you haven't been together nine months. No I'm I could you to have kids with him. Like, you haven't been together nine months. No, I could definitely have had kids with him before that. But no, I'm saying like... Well, before you were in this phase of it. Back when I said, I think you should go for it.

Okay. Yes, my whole relationship is thanks to Vaughn. And that's what I've been waiting for. James, I need that audio. That's my new ringtone. All right, ZM's World Tour. I'm collecting all of you doing one compliment each. One very nice compliment, and it's going to be my ringtone.

Oh, my God. Auto-chained, set to a musical melody. I'll be like, see, I told you. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Scientists. When you start to break, you're annoying. Scientists reckon. This is the headline.

I don't reckon any headline should be scientists reckon because you reckon scientists go, hey, yeah. Does it actually say scientists reckon? Karen, you reckon this is legit? Yeah, reckon. Scientists reckon. Being forgetful could be a sign of higher intelligence. How about that? How about that? Which makes sense. Scientists reckon. Being forgetful could be a sign of higher intelligence. How about that?

How about that? Which makes sense. Could be. Sometimes. Not always. But. And it could be. The brain just is like unimportant.

Filter. Put that over there. You would be, I don't know where you brought this in because you've already forgotten something quite huge today. I don't even remember this being discussed. Before the show, we were talking about something that's happening after the show, and you were just blank-faced. And all of us were like, why are you looking at us like that for?

Because I don't remember it. He was like, I wasn't in this meeting, except there was probably about five meetings where we spoke about this, and I distinctly remember you being there. Well, I have had five sick days this year. So I propose to you, dear colleagues, that they coincided with my shingles man flu.

No, you were 100% here. I don't know. Are you still playing that mining game on your phone? No, I've quit that. I've got rid of that. Why? Thank you. What are you playing instead?

I got to the point of the game where it was like a progressive game and I got to a point where everything started moving really slowly. Like I wasn't levelling up as quick. And so it lost the thrill of chasing the next level because it became a bit too hard. Because quite often in meetings you'd be playing that. Correct. Which is why you have...

Well, those minds weren't going to mind themselves. Which is why you have no recollection of these meetings. So you're saying it's because you're intelligent. Well, no, these scientists are saying it's because I'm intelligent. Well, they reckon. I don't know how many times we're like, right, so we're doing blah, blah, blah. And Vaughn's like, sorry, what now? What's happening?

When did we talk about this? So less intelligence and more just rudeness. Absent-mindedness. Absent-mindedness. Not participating. Not listening to anyone. Not participating, not listening to anyone, not actually turning up late. I'm just going to let you run because I tell you who I'm going to listen to.

These two losers or scientists. Oh my God, you're so infuriating. I'm laughing, otherwise I'll cry. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Oh, infuriating. I'm laughing, otherwise I'll cry. I've got an issue. It's... Sorry, I was trying real hard. I took a deep breath and it was very audible. Continue.

I've got an issue. My serenity is being disturbed on the daily. Yep. I'm not home in the morning, but I know they do a morning commute. Yep. But in the evenings, there's an evening commute of a local flock of cockatoos. Now, I put this on the gram at the weekend, and people were like, those cockatoos, those are plovers.

What's a plover? We call them squawker or barker birds. There's little white ones, and they nest in paddocks and they go, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. How do you spell a plover? P-L-O-V-E-R. Just plover. I put plover, like a pavlover.

It said, did you mean pavlover? I was like, yeah. Yeah, that's them. Oh, no, they look like midget seagulls. Yeah, they're wayward seagulls Because they live in like Paddocks and stuff Awful things as well What are they They can't find the ocean

Are they lost No they just can't swim Or something Right But that's them But you've got actual But they're fine Because they're natives

Aren't they Right They migrate around here I think I've seen them When I've been at your house So They're the green red No no no

Those are lorikeets Those are pretty quiet Oh we have lorikeets Parakeets Lorikeets Whatever they are They're invasive as well. Green, red ones.

I'm not for them, but they're not disturbing my serenity. No, it's not a parakeet. That's a little one. It's like a bungee. No, what have you got? Lorikeet. No, a lorikeet's like that bright coloured one. Oh, yeah.

That's what we got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're real beautiful. Yeah, but they're invasive. But they're also not meant to be here. But then you can't put up a wall. Which is weird because you're sad about birds and everyone's like, he's right.

You're sad about people. You're a racist. They're not from here. Okay, imagine someone's just tuning in now. They're not from here. They hang out in their own crowds. They make a noise and they annoy me whenever I see them. They hang out in their own crowds. They make a noise and they annoy me whenever I

see them. They infuriate me. They only stick to their own type. And they're forcing New Zealanders out of their homes. If I was talking about a human, awful. And rightly so. Probably be on ZB. But if I'm talking about birds, everyone's like, he's right. They're an invasive pest.

So somebody, I've contacted about birds. Everyone's like, he's right. They're an invasive pest. So somebody, I've contacted the council. Oh my God. And you. This flock of cockatoos, or the flockatoos as I'm calling them. Yeah. They, apparently someone just had a cockatoo as a pet or a couple of cockatoos as a pet. And one day we're like, you are really noisy and annoying. See ya.

And just let them go. And they've bred. So not only are there a flock of very noisy cockatoos, they're inbred as well because they come from a single breeding pet. Cockatoos. Cockatoos. I've got both. Right.

Forget lorikeets. Right. Cockatoos. Do you have cockatoos? The white ones? The big white ones. And don't tell me they're not. I've put the drone up and I've flown amongst the flock of cockatoos.

They're massive. Yeah. They are so. Hello. Do you have a flock of them? A flock. They're so cute. They're massive. Yeah. They are so. Hello, Vaughn. They don't say that. Do you have a flock of them? A flock. They're so cute.

They land in this tree. They commute. A bunch of them commute, and they wait for the slowest ones in this tree. And they all stand in the tree, and they're like. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Do you know what's worse than a cockatoo making that noise? Me making the noise that a cockatoo makes?

Times this by 30. But why don't you get a net and put it over the tree and capture them and sell them? Because people love these. It's like a 30-metre tall gum tree. Ah, well, get a big net. Do I have to think of everything? And just get them to wait there while you chuck it over them.

Just go, wait, I'm just gonna I'll wait there you guys, I'm just gonna nip down a higher pole and get a cherry picket. No, I'm gonna get two cherry pickets on top of each other. Great ideas, I'll help you. Chuck them over the top. These are cute and they talk and these are the talking parrots. They bully they bully other birds as well. I saw them

bullying a hawk. And a hawk one on one, I reckon a hawk would take them. But of course there's 30, it's gang warfare so they come to New Zealand and they hang out in their gangs and they intimidate the locals

again birds it's okay to say people not yeah but they are just absolutely ruining I had this beautiful serene

beautiful evening on Saturday sitting enjoying a beverage with my beautiful wife yeah just quiet calm

and I'm just like. Was your wife at any stage like, this is what you're like? Like, I'm the human born of that bird. So she's getting it from both angles. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was quiet for once. So I assume everybody should also be quiet while I'm being quiet.

When I'm in the mood for quiet, quiet is what should be. Yeah, right. So what are you going to do? He's emailed the council and made a pest of himself. Nah, well, the council are aware of them, and I'll tell you how the council take care of them. Well, you're not going to. You just had a drink.

Are you telling me Phil Goff comes around with a shotgun? Yep. The mayor himself. Unbelievable. Catches the bus. Yeah. Because he loves public transport. Gets on with his AT hop card with. Catches the bus. Yeah. Because he loves public transport. Gets on with his AT hop card.

With a shotgun on the bus. He's like, Phil Goff, pest control. How much to cure me? If I got a hop card, I'll just tag on and tag off. Yeah.

Tag on, tag off. So, they said they tried to trap them, but they're too clever. They're like a keyer. You know how keyers will pull things to bits? Yeah they're too clever. They're like a keyer. You know how keyers will pull things to bits? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're like keyers. Right. They're a pain in the ass. Well, I don't want them being shot. You just put up with the noise. Can you put like a bird feeder up and put some... I would only encourage him. Megan!

Oh, you're saying poison. But that is how females kill. Having watched a lot of like criminal minds it's always poisoning well everyone needs to eat don't they

but then but then you can't stop what if I was to see one of the two-e who I'm a big fan of oh yes

no not you well the ketidu not the intended purpose there was a couple of ketidu at the weekend too oh yeah okay don't want them you don't want to get

a fat kiddie who's falling out of the sky because you poisoned it. Make a sound. Yeah, rugby ball size. But I want to know this morning. Yeah. I know $100 at him. You can text 9696.

What's disturbing your serenity? Am I answering that? You can have an answer. What do you mean at your house? Yeah. Like your serene place. Your moments of serenity. What's ruining them? Well, there's that upmarket.

It was in the news at the weekend, the upmarket apartment block where a gang's moved in. And that's obviously absolutely their serenity. Have they been noisy? Well, I'm imagining their motorcycles starting up. Because they like to bring their Harleys inside. They'll get stolen by the other gangs.

So you've got to take them up in the lift. Or maybe you've got a student flat in your neighbourhood and that ruins your serenity. I've got builders across the road. I can hear everything they talk about. The girls they talk about. Really? Their bowel movements. Why do guys want to tell each other about what's happening?

That should be encouraged because bowel cancer is a big killer in New Zealand. They should be talking about that. Everybody's like, did a shit today. And Steve's like, I haven't shit for two weeks. You're like, Steve, mate, I'm serious. You need to go and see a doctor, mate. This isn't just mucking around on the land. It's like, serious chat, Steve.

I love you, bro. And I don't want to see you die prematurely of an avoidable cancer. Get in there, mate. This isn't just mucking around on the land site. Serious chat, Steve. I love you, bro. And I don't want to see you die prematurely of an avoidable cancer. Get in there, son. Thanks, Brian. I needed that word of encouragement. Alright, 0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696. What is disturbing your serenity in the neighbourhood? Well, Vaughan's officially

complained to the council. He's reached old age. Yep. I've made a complaint about some very noisy birds. But it's not only the fact that, because you know, I'm a huge fan of native birds. I did a school project on them at primary school

on my own accord, by the way. I wasn't asked to do it. Just did it. Because I love them. And ever since, I've always loved a native bird and I believe these birds

are a right test. I did a school project on the yellow-eyed penguin, the hoiho. Yeah, the hoiho was one of my, that was my seabird of choice. What did you do your project on? I wasn't an animal. I did Bermuda Triangle.

Where are all those ships and planes going? I was very confused. Did you get to the bottom of it? Nah. Surprisingly. Surprisingly. Weird. Right, and that's why Megan now is an anti-vaxxer and a conspiracy theorist.

Aliens. Yeah. She believes in that thing causing earthquakes. Harp. Is it harp? Oh, yeah, harp. Let's talk about that. Let's not.

Crazy. Well, harp could be disturbing your serenity. Yeah. Yeah. If the Illuminati are targeting you with their earthquake satellites. These birds are non-stop. Noisy. Yeah, very noisy.

Disturbing your pace. Very disturbing of the pace. So asking you this morning, what is disturbing your serenity at home? Yeah. Somebody said the police chopper. Oh, yeah. They must live in a real neighbourhood full of rat bags.

The police chopper. But if you want to know what they're doing, because that's the most annoying thing about the police chopper. You hear it and you're like, oh, what are you doing? Just go to your community's Facebook page. There was somebody making some wild accusations about what they're doing. Angela, what's disturbing your serenity? A leaf blower.

Oh, okay. But that wouldn't be on much, would it? Yeah, probably like twice a day. At this time of the year, it's a very leaf-heavy time of the year It's a very leaf heavy time of the year It's the autumnal season Very autumnal Autumnal leaves drop So if you've got a neighbour with a lot of trees

And they like to keep their lawn clear Yeah, they like to clear their leaves every day And it's generally when we have all our windows and doors open We're sitting down to relax And then away it goes What is it about the leaf blower? Is it the changing tones of the leaf blower? Is it the changing tones of the leaf blower?

Because a lawnmower is quite soothing, I guess, because it's like a constant hum. But a leaf blower is kind of like wee, wee, wee. Okay. It's like a big hair dryer, isn't it? Yeah.

It's like a big hair dryer. But the hair dryer is constant as well. This is a... Yeah. Is that it? If it was just constant and it was for, you know, a couple of minutes,

that's fine, but it's off and on for a good 10, 15 minutes. You know, there's... Leaf blowers are the most complained about sort of outdoor appliance. Really? According to councils, yeah.

Lots of people complain about leaf blowers. Even beating jet engine. Beating... Well, not too many people have a jet engine parked in their suburban driveway for charging up at any given moment. No.

And actually banned for use in Germany and Switzerland and stuff on Sunday. You're not allowed to use your outdoor leaf blowers. I post your indoor leaf blowers. Ayla, what's disturbing your serenity? So Anissa and I just have two really cute huskies, but all evening all they do is howl non-stop. Oh no.

Some nights it's like a howling match and a screaming match between them and the next-in-over's kid at bath time. See that's the thing, they're so cute and I'd be like, it'd be awesome when you first saw these huskies but then putting up with that, you'd soon hate them, wouldn't you? Yeah, it gets quite annoying. We had new people move in next door

and I was going to ring the council because it would look like it was them because we've been there for a while. Great timing. Oh yeah, right, timing. But is there howling you could call the council because howls carry famously. Wolves howls carry along. That's how they communicate at distance. Well, the council's answer is that they're not

actually harming anyone. Bite yourself and then say it back. Ayla, thanks for your call. Anonymous, what's disturbing your peace? Five feral children. This is great. You're so fed up.

You're just like, five feral children. You put a full stop, you're done. Are they your children? God, no. You wouldn't stand for it if they were yours. God, no.

No, because, oh, Jesus, they just, they don't stop. It's decibels that are crazy. I mean, you drive around the roads, around the streets, and you go, you can hear children laughing and playing, that's fine. You come down my street and you think people are being murdered. They are just, and they don't stop. It's horrible. Are they playing?

I'm not really sure what they're doing. They're not actually murdering, are they? Well, there could have been six children. We're not really sure. Have you called

the council or anything or are you just putting up with it? No. Well, I can't really because they'll say, well, that's what kids do. Well, they shouldn't. Well, maybe this is the same as you, Vaughn. Cockatoos, it's what they do.

They're just in trees. They make noise. Like kids, they play. No, but they're not. But they shouldn't. Yeah, exactly. Both the cockatoos and the children shouldn't be making noise. No.

Somebody's messaged, and these cockatoos I'm tangoing with, they've been around for years apparently. Oh, really? Somebody else messaged and said their husband got 30 this summer and there's still a lot of them. What do you mean got 30? Was that your gun when you played guns at school? Oh, that's really good.

That was me providing cover fire. I'm just going to make you to the jungle gym. Cover me. Did you have grenades at primary school? Of course, of course. Oh, you and that guy threw a grenade and just blew everyone up. You're like, that's not fair. That's not fair. That's not fair.

I blew you up. They really lost their mind when I introduced proximity mines. They'd be running up it. What was that about? Well, you just ran through my proximity mine. Watch out for tripwires. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Yeah.

You want to be part of the show or are you? You've clocked out for the day. No, no, no. I've gone down a YouTube rabbit hole. Sorry. It's about a guy doing roly-poly. He's done 64 in one minute. Is it funnier than that lady I showed you

this morning that thought she was walking to find a table and didn't see the swimming pool? That was pretty good. She thought she was what? The swimming pool was real was pretty good. She thought she was what? The swimming pool was real flat at this restaurant bar thing. Not a ripple. She didn't see it and she just walked straight in and dropped all of her dinner in the pool.

Oh, she took the food in the pool. I'll show you in a sec. It's not lols, but he's done 64 roly polies in a minute. 64. That's more than one a second. That's more than one a second. Would you even be able to do a full? I haven't done a Roly-Poly for ages.

I was just thinking about practicing in the studio, but it's pretty hard. It's hard. You need a gymnast. And I tell you what, yeah, and your legs hit the ground hard when you're an adult. You know when you're a kid and you can do it,

and I don't know if it's the tuck of the legs or your legs are shorter or you're way less, but like when you're an adult, you're boof, you're really, and the legs really hit the deck. The technique of this one is you tuck right in and then you tuck your knees right into your chest and as you land, you push off again

with your, it's like a... But how dizzy is this guy getting? Did he end it and try to stand up and fall over? Is he going down a hill? No. Those are his legs propelling him. It would be easier if he were going down a hill but it would be hard to stop. So this was a while ago, though.

I don't know what the 64, it says the record broken, so I don't know if his record still stands for that. 64 rolly pollies. When we did the segment. Forward rolls. It was rolly pollies, same thing. So the most forward rolls in one minute is 75, achieved by Ashley Wallace in Devon

in the UK in 2013. Oh, so this guy's record got broken. Oh, that's sad. Producer Caleb, which button do I press to talk to Ross Boss? Famously. Ross Boss! Ross Boss! Hey, that cuts off my mic when I talk to Ross Boss. Ross Boss to reception, please.

Ross Boss to reception. I'm patching Ross in, Ross Boss, because do you remember we did that segment a while ago called I Have Never, where we gave people their first.

Turns out Ross Boss never, it's true, never done a roly-poly in your life. I don't know where this is going, but true. Never, ever.

Even as a kid. I've never, ever done that. Is it because you were real tall when you were a kid? I've always been six foot eight. I was born this way. but true never ever even as a kid because you were real tall when you were a kid I've always been six foot eight I was

yeah I was born this way you were always that long you were born that long you've just filled out that's correct your mother just gave birth to like a balloon

like a really long balloon and everything else just came out and I just won't stop expanding yeah yeah yeah help me and like one of those

little dinosaurs you put in a glass of water and he grows. Do a roly-poly now. Come on. Come on. Here's the thing. So we talked about this a while ago, didn't we, with the I have never thing? I believe that Jessica Caitlin tried to make you.

I'm going to go home. I watched YouTube. Did you? All the techniques where you put your hands and stuff. I really hurt. Where do you put your hands and stuff? Yeah, because you've got to. Where do you put your hands? You've really hurt your hands and stuff yeah because you gotta where do you put your hands you could have like down like something like that anyway like a frog um i'd almost i'd almost i hurt myself my neck i know you know you need to hands but you've got

to tuck it you're gonna take your chin and roll but there's a lot of me there's flailing there's it's dangerous for everyone it's not something no you hurt yourself, but you didn't even complete a roll. You got into sort of like... I fell sideways, basically. But you won't do one, just one now for us. Thankfully, it's the radio. So, okay, yeah, I'll do it. Whoa, I did it.

That's great. Football. Yeah. Wow. No, I'm not doing that. No, I'm not a... I'm not a roly-poly person. It's not going to happen.

And has it gone for so long now You're just not gonna Do one out of What about if we took you To like the trampoline world Or whatever it's called Bouncy bounce bounce world Or something

Nah Nah Like I'll jump into the pits there That's fun Yeah it's fun But then it's real hard to get out You don't realise how hard it is I know yeah yeah

You sink down You sink down We Aren't trampoline places And warehouses interesting Like 15 years ago If if you'd said, hey, kids, come into this warehouse. It's full of trampolines.

You would have been like, yeah, straight to jail. We couldn't even take you to one of those to do. No, I'd pay someone else to do it. Not with your own money, obviously. This would become the understation budget. To break the record. Oh, if someone wants to break the record, what was it? 75 and a minute.

Yes, you'd have to be a gymnast for that. But if someone can do that, I'll pay them for it. You'd have to do it. Continue it. You'd pay someone to do it. I'll pay someone to do it. A million dollars. Yeah.

Yeah. Our budgets are that big. Yep. I'll start at 500 bucks. 500 bucks to break a world record. Do they have to break the record or just attempt it? Just attempt it. Because, as I say, I'm not getting down on the floor.

Not you. I'll do it for the 500 bucks. 75. You probably can't even do one. I apologise. I apologise. Yay! You just hit the gondola. So now try and do that as a really unfit person.

Oh yeah, I didn't tuck the neck. I'm seeing a little star. So now try and do that as a really unfit person. Oh, yeah. Real dangerous. I didn't tuck the neck. I'm seeing a little stars. There was a definite pull on the shoulder neck scenario. I think I went in a little bit hard on the waist. You kind of did a headstand on the way through.

Yeah, that. Ouch. That's a negation. You need to do 76 in a minute to break the world. You know how you'd do one and be like, oh. Maybe get one more out in that minute. You'd do one every 15 seconds, I reckon. But are you serious? You'd pay someone to do it? Well, I'm not going to attempt one. I'm not going to try and do the world

record. I'll find the money. I'll get in trouble for that. I've got in trouble for the worse. Much worse. Okay. Should we do it? $500? I don't want to hurt anybody anybody so you get them to sign something beforehand we're gonna have to get someone to sign their life their rights away yeah yeah let's have legal we don't want acc coming after us for all this physio that you're about to get either no

my neck's really stiff sure all right well let's put that let's put it there we've got the audio now of him saying he's actually gonna pay all. All right, Producer Kaylin, can you sort that out? Right, let him. We'll do a register or something. We'll sort it out later. What a great podcast so far, wouldn't you agree, Fletch? Yes. And it's all thanks to Spark.

Get one gig of bonus data with the Spark U25 pack. Now, back to the podcast. Megan's got something and we don't. This ends the travesty, as you call it. This was a real kick in the podcast. Megan's got something and we don't. This ends the travesty, as you call it. This was a real kick in the guts. Why don't you just be happy for me? I am, but I'd be happier for us all if we received this as a sort of a group. Tell everybody what you got.

So at work, we have a thing called rewards. They're called shout outs. So you get like a little email to say that you have received a shout out. And it just says, woohoo, like with a little speaker thing. And then you have to click on it and like read your little shout out. Who gave you a shout out? Were you aware that these were a thing before you received one? Well, no, because I didn't

ever receive one before. Not a company player. I knew they were a thing. Right. You've never received one, Vaughn? Why are you going to bring me down? As yet, Fletch,

no, I don't believe so. I'll just check the others folder. I wouldn't call it junk if it was in there. I'll just call it the other. No, it's not in there either.

No, it's not in there either. So you've never received a shout out from another member of the company? As I'm aware, no. You'd probably have to do something to receive said shout out. As someone who has done something to receive one.

As someone who has done something. I like to think that awards celebrate mediocrity, unless I win an award. And then they're great. That's what we always say, because we don't win awards. Until that moment, it's a biased bunch of nonsense that you can't hang your coat on. And if you win, you're like, oh my God. Oh my God, they do mean something now.

Right. So as the award winner on the team, on the show. What did you get an award for? Being awesome. No, I actually don't want to read it because it's like real sweet and I feel a bit like... Well, read it if it's sweet. No, but no, but nah. Well, let me read it then. Where do

I find it? Do I come to you? Should I pass it to you? Yeah, pass it to me because I'm still sourcing the roly-poly. The work intranet works is quite a mind... There you go. Well, you obviously didn't get your award for knowing how the work intranet works. quite a mind... There you go. Well, you obviously didn't get your award for knowing how the work intranet works. I'm actually a little bit worried.

You are quite stiff there. Very stiff. Very stiff in the shoulders. Hey, this isn't about you. This is about my award. You should have limbed it up before your roly-poly. I really should have done something.

All right, here we go. Oh, can I just say you are going to have this reward revoked because you've got the opposite scroll on to me. You pull it down and it goes up. No. Inverted, is that called? Yeah, I'm inverted too.

You're weird. Someone called Katie has nominated Megan for this, and she's in the finance team. What have you done for the finance team? It's not for the finance team. It's for humankind. You're such a suck-up to people. But this is non-finance related.

Oh, right. Okay. Thank you. Shout out for Megan for eloquently and informatively speaking to topics relating to women's rights. Oh, yeah. This was most recently demonstrated when addressing the Alabama abortion ban. It's a tough topic to speak about publicly and no doubt led to some nasty online comments. Oh, no.

Scroll. There's more. There you go. I can't scroll. Click on the writing and there's more. No, scroll. There's more. There you go. I can't scroll. Click on the writing and there's more. Look, sweetheart. I don't want to read this out, but seeing as you're reading it out, keep going. But Megan has given me the band.

Don't. Okay. I can't. Okay. No, you know what? That is nice of her to say that because you got a lot of comments last week. Yeah. Majority good. Majority good.

Majority good. There's always... There was the odd little troll, wasn't there? Yeah. There always is. Oh, I thought you'd been sucking up and taking muffins around or something. You use day-old muffins from the cafe to grease up finance. Oh, no.

But do you know what? When you look at the list of nominees, oh, you won't know that because you've never been nominated, but when you look at the list, someone's nominated the CEO. Oh, suck up. And I was like, suck up.

That's a big old suck up. Maybe that's why people are afraid to nominate me. Already quite high up in the company. Don't, you know, do I need it?

You're not high up in the company. I've got arguably the best park. Right. Doing very well. Mike Hosking has the best park.

No, I've got the best park. I'm closer than Hosking. No, yours is quite cramped though. You're a bit closer than Hosking but your park's a little bit smaller than Hosking's park.

Yeah. But maybe that's why it's an intimidation thing. I really need to put myself down on the level. And I probably would have got nominated last week but when I gave everybody

the lollies we got sent you told them all I said I was handing out treats to the peasants. That's what you said. Well, you said plebs, actually, and I said I didn't call them plebs, I called them peasants.

You need to work on your office relations if you'd like to be nominated. Okay, right. I'm going to make a loud announcement any time I do anything around here. I'm going to go and put some paper in the printer soon. I'm just going to wait

until someone leaves their work desktop to go and put some paper in the printer soon I'm just going to wait until someone leaves their work desktop to go to the toilet and then send an email from them to nominate myself How great would that be? You could probably just say that your name's someone else and then nominate you Loophole

It feels a bit hollow doesn't it I can't wait, this is going to happen now, and they're going to get rid of this. Because we ruined it. Because we're going to go silly, and we're going to ruin it for everybody. Don't ruin it. And then there'll be an email saying, we don't do this anymore, because a select few have ruined it for everybody.

Fletch and Bourne. I'm happy for it to not exist, rather than not be nominated. Hey, well, no, seriously, though, congratulations on your nomination. It was very sweet. Thank you, Kate. It's good. Alright, it's 15 to 8. Next on the show, Caitlin, are the phone lines working? What was wrong with them? We had issues. We were trying to call

Brianne Clinton. Yeah, so they were picking... You always ask me if it's 001 for America, even though you've been here for five years. Fletch, I know how to do it. What happened was Ellie had actually picked up and we hung up on her as she picked up. So we're all good now.

So there was nothing wrong with that. There was something wrong with James' phone line and then there was something wrong with mine. We're all good now. I don't know what to say. Bree and Clint are Chasing Tatum. Live from LA. I don't know what to say. And Bree and Clint are on the phone,

having just completed a famous Hollywood home tour. Good morning. Good morning. Yeah, we've been driving around in a van with no windows, looking at houses that apparently celebrities live in, but you can never really be sure, right? Did you see any celebrities to confirm that they lived in any of these places? I don't know if I've picked up an accent or not.

I think I have picked up a bit of an accent, but no, we didn't see no celebrities. Like how you have not even picked up an LA accent. You picked up some sort of deep south, Bible-bound American accent. Yeah. Yeah. Bree's more Texas than anything, but hey, jet lag. It'll really get you. So the idea is this week, the show Live from LA, you're chasing Channing Tatum.

Do you have any leads so far? Look, we were off to a pretty shaky start. Thursday before we flew out, we found out that Channing was actually in Iceland. And then on Friday, the day we left, he did a great Instagram post from Berlin in Germany. But we do think that perhaps he's a little closer to being home in LA. We think he may now be in London.

Right. Right. Okay. Which is actually not that close to LA in the scheme of things. It's closer than Berlin, Vaughn. It's closer than Berlin. Okay. It's worse than his way back here. Look, Megan.

Look, we can't justify a very expensive work trip all the way to Los Angeles if we don't even try to find Channing Tatum, all right? So we're remaining optimistic. Right. We did get a lead, guys, from the Starchy Boys who are here in LA at the moment. They saw Channing Tatum at the local market two weeks ago. Oh, God. Okay, right.

You're two weeks too late. We don't know that. We don't know that. We don't know that. He hasn't posted on Instagram for three days, so we are snipping things up. We do have a couple of really good leads. We've made friends with someone who works at his management company, so he's going to try and pull some strings for us.

And we think we know through Dean McCarthy, our celebrity reporter, we might have the address of his house. Okay, don't unjust. Let's not go in the deep end of his house. Okay, don't... Let's not go in the deep end of that pool. Yeah, maybe don't go there uninvited. Does a restraining order carry over to New Zealand? Yes, it's very much alive and real over here.

I need to be at least 50 yards, that's American speak, away from the front gate of his house at all times. Right. All right, well, good luck, Bree and house at all times. Right. All right. Well, good luck, Bree and Clint, this afternoon. I mean, worst case, you can just have In-N-Out every day, right? Oh, we've had In-N-Out too.

Wonderful. What a great burger. We weren't really In-N-Out, though. It was quite busy, actually. Misleading. Very misleading. Well, Bree and Clint, this afternoon, are live from L.A. as they chase Channing Tatum. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. Very misleading. Well, Brianne Clint this afternoon, alive from LA, as they chase Channing Tatum. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.

This is a study from the University of Essex in England. And if you have a nagging mum, I don't want mums to be like, oh, don't listen to this. Because it actually is a positive. It's compliments. It is. And it's a positive for females. So girls with nagging mums are more likely to become successful.

I don't know what they put as the parameters of success, though. Do they have a definition of what a nagging mum is? So the pushier, the better, it kind of is, the more successful. Like a tiger mum? Like that stereotypical tiger mum? That's next level. That's next level, isn't it? Nagging mum though.

So they followed the lives of, this is quite large, 15,500 girls. From 2004 to 2010, they were between 13 and 14 at the start of the study. And they found that the girls whose mothers set higher standards for them were more likely to earn higher incomes, more likely to go to university and less likely to fall pregnant in their teen years. Oh, okay. So setting parameters, I mean, yeah, Tiger Mums probably a bit far, but like setting high goals, pushing them to be the best they can be, maybe.

So it's not really, it feels like nagging at the time, but later in life you might look back on it and be like, mum was hoping for the best. Mum was just being mum. Yeah. It doesn't actually say the effect it has on sons. It specifically says females. Would you have said that your mum was nagging?

I was lucky my mum wasn't. If my mum had been super cruisy, I probably wouldn't have done anything. Yeah. Because I just wasn't like self-motivated as a teenager. Like I needed my mum telling me to do everything over and over and over in increasing increments of volume to encourage me slash scare me into doing things. Or face a wrath.

My mum was more encouraging. She'd be like, I can't do it. She's like, yeah, you can. Pretty much like, don't stop whining and get to it. Yeah. Can't do that. Have you tried? No.

Well, how do you know you can't? No, she used to say no such word as can't. I was like, there is. It's in the dictionary. I can show you if you like, mum. No, you just won't. You just won't. Just do it. Yeah. Great. But you if you like, Mum. No, you just won't. You just won't. Just do it. Yeah.

Great. But then there'd be, I'd imagine, lots of cases of people who listen to this show who can now look back and appreciate Mum's nagging. Yeah, for sure. And say, when should you have listened to Mum's nagging? Right. When should you have taken Mum's sage advice? Well, because Mums are always right, aren't they?

As it turns out. Yeah, the hindsight. Yeah, buggers. But then once upon a time, they had mothers that were always right as well. Yeah. So it's a never-ending cycle of mum being right. But I'd like to know this morning, there's a little bit of an ups for the mums too. Right.

When was your nagging mum right? When should you have listened to mums nagging? Do you have any examples of this, Megan? Just boys. I was going to say, a lot of it would be, because mums have seen it all before. Just like them, and you're like, no, we haven't got to know him.

He's like really great. And then eventually it doesn't work out, and you're like, he's such an arsehole. And she's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. I told you that. Mums know. They always do, don't they?

But would she nag you when you were with a guy that she didn't like? Yeah, not so much nagging or just refuse to have anything to do with. Hot point.

They don't even learn their name. Yeah. They're going to be around for long. I'm not going to bother taking up brain space at this point.

Yeah. All right, well, let's take your calls. 0800 DALES AT M 9696 to text. When was mums nagging on point?

So a study has found that girls, specifically with nagging mums, are more likely to become successful. It's usually because you think it's nagging

at the time and later you realise it's like encouragement or they were just right all along. But mums are always right. Always. And that's what we're

asking this morning. 0800DARLS.M9696. When was mum right? When should you have listened to mum? Some text messages in. Somebody said it's refreshing to hear acknowledgement of the moaning and whinging that we as mums do as actually being a good thing.

We're only acknowledging it because they're not literally here because we wouldn't want to tell them that to their faces. Yeah. They said they were about 19 when they realised their mum was always right. That's a hard age to come to that conclusion, but it dawns upon many people they've tried to maybe hold off into their 20s to actually acknowledge the truth there. Someone said, does anyone have any idea when mum stopped nagging?

I'm asking for a 39-year-old friend, definitely not me. A 39-year-old friend who's not me. Producer Caitlin, has your mum stopped nagging you now that you've got a boyfriend? No, definitely not me. A 39-year-old friend who's not me. Producer Caitlin, has your mum stopped nagging you now that you've got a boyfriend? No. Definitely not. There's always other aspects of life to nag about. She does nag me to make sure that I'm keeping him around though. So are you being nice

to your boyfriend? Gotta keep that one. Oh, that's pretty cute. What does she nag you about if she's not nagging about having a boyfriend? Well, no. So basically the only reason that I'm like on this earth now is because mum nags me about everything. You know, go to the doctor, go to the dentist, that kind of thing. But like when I... Oh my God.

I know, I need help. But specifically mum will like nag me about going for a run. Not, okay, this sounds like really bad, but it's not. It's more that she knows that I love running once I get out there, but I refuse to just start. I hate like putting my shoes on and actually going. So she'll be like, she'll call me up and she'll be like, oh, I've just checked the weather.

It's a lovely day in Auckland today. Great day for a run. What are you trying to say to me? No, not that, just because she knows that like once I've done it, she knows that I'll feel really good about it. Oh my God, I'd be so angry if anyone told me to go for a run. Lovely day for a run. Yeah, you get to start because I'm a chaser.

She's like, I'm going for a run down here. Let's do it together. I'm like, okay, Mum. But look how successful you are. Exactly. I'm not a successful runner, though. She's not going to stop nagging you then. Some text messages in.

Somebody said my mum, when I foolishly told her I was getting a tattoo, she said, what's it of? And I showed her the design and she said, don't get that one. You're going to want that gone in 10 years. I'll give you 10 years. Had it for 8 years and I was like, I hate this thing.

So mum was always right about that. I wouldn't have told mum. No. I would have got it laser removed and still not told her. And said it faded. Yeah. Never tell her you regret it. Someone said boys, every boy, any boy that ever looks. A boy once looked at us and I looked back and smiled and mum said,

don't look at these, no good. Every boy ever. And someone said my mum's nagging of me are car purchases. Every time I'm talking about getting a new car, she just gets on my case about getting something reliable and sensible. That's like us with you, intern Anya. In hindsight,

they were right. They said their mum was right because they keep buying cars. Where's your mum nagging you about your car purchases, Anya? Nah, she's not. She's a cool dude and I've already got you naggers in here, so I'm good. You've got naggers up the wazoo. We've got to step up with our nagging you about your car purchases, aren't you? No, she's not. She's a cool dude. And I've already got you naggers in here, so I'm good. You've got naggers up the wazoo. We've got to step up with our nagging because your mum's not nagging you about silly car purchases.

Well, because I haven't actually made any because you guys beat her to it. You just never tell Fletch and Paul your intention to buy anything. We are great naggers. We're your work mums. This is great. I feel you need it, though. Oh, please.

I need a holiday. And a wine. Is it too early? Nope. Well, you won't be able to afford that holiday if you keep buying things on ASOS, will you? Oh, for the love of... No! How many times do I have to tell you? It's the iconic.

Oh, yeah, that's right. It is the iconic, sure. Fact of the day, day, day, day, Sky Television, joint production TV show, Chernobyl, based on the Chernobyl incident. Do you know how many people in the last week and a half have said, you went there. Are you sure you should have? Yeah. I've had friends saying, I'd put a lead curtain between you and Fletch at work. Yeah, it actually worries me.

I'm like getting radiated by toxins. No, but they've covered it over. They've got another sarcophagus. They sealed it over. Do. I'm like getting radiated by toxins. No, but they've covered it over. They've got another sarcophagus. They sealed it over. Do you trust anyone after watching that show? Yeah, I don't know if I trust the Russians anymore. I've had a couple of whoopsies. People actually, engineers, work there

for like years to build that thing. And they die of debilitated cancers. Are they still alive? No. It's fine. Dying at a slightly advanced rate. Well, the man who produced it, wrote it and everything, his name is Craig Marzen. And today's fact of the day is the man responsible for now the highest rated TV show on IMDb,

beating the likes of Planet Earth 2, Breaking Bad, all of the legendary TV shows that you hear about. All of Game of Thrones. The man who is responsible for writing it and creating it wrote Scary Movie 3 and 4. What? Are you cutting? He wrote Scary Movie 3 and 4.

He wrote his first screenwriting debut was this weird movie in 1997 called Rocket Man. And I looked at the poster. I was like, I remember that movie slightly. Yeah. 1997 called Rocket Man, and I looked at the poster. I was like, I remember that movie slightly. Yeah. He directed the superhero movie, which was like scary movie, he took off scary movies, superhero movie, took off the superhero movies.

And he co-wrote Hangover Parts 2 and 3. Wow. Okay. And now he is responsible for creating the highest rated TV show in history. And that's like a serious drama. Very serious drama. Because I've only seen the I'm Saving Up the Next Couple. There's a new one out on Tuesday, isn't there?

Yeah. But single-handedly or did he get some help? Was he got some help? He, no, he kind of, he wrote it, executive produced it, created it. He was kind of a spearhead of it. He's like, I've got this thing I want to get off the ground. How do you go from scary movie and the hangovers to that? Yeah.

Wow. He also wrote Identity Theft. Remember that movie with Melissa McCarthy and Jason Bateman where she gets his identity? So, like, just this long line of goofy comedies and then straight into Chernobyl, this hard-hitting, intense... Wow. Yeah.

And that's on Neon, isn't it? Yeah. People are asking where they can see this. You can watch it on Neon. And just a little side fact, he has a degree in psychology from Princeton University and he graduated Magna Cum Laude

Lada. Magna Cum Lada. Top of the class. Big dog. He did really well. And he was roommates with Ted Cruz who the guy that wanted to be president and he went up against Donald Trump for the Republican nomination in 2016.

Well, thank God he's got this TV show, because otherwise... I meant he was probably doing all right, though, right? Because those movies always made a fair bit of money for how much they cost to make. The Hangover movies did really well. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is the man who created the highest rating TV show in IMDb history, also wrote Scary Movie 3 and 4 and Hangover's Part 2 and 3. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Friday, I think I may have had an embarrassing moment, but I'm not too sure. And this is why I wanted to ask now. You're not sure of the emotion that you were feeling? Well, no. So here, backstory. Ages ago, like last year, my desktop computer that I had,

we got them about the same time. What, 2008? Yeah. It just, it fried. I had, we got them at about the same time, what, 2008? Yeah. It just, it fried. I mean, that's not a surprise. It had done a lot. Oh, yeah, it had done a lot. And it finally, you know, it was like, RIP me. I think I'd left it on overnight downloading

something. And I came in and it was all pixelated. And apparently it needed a new graphics card and it was going to be like $600 or $700 to fix. Right. I was like, RIP. It's done its dash. Yeah.

So it's just been sitting in the corner of the room since November last year. Okay. But I hadn't backed up anything on it. And it was like every photo I'd taken since like forever and all my iPhone backups. I just had a big couple of folders and every time I'd want to get rid of all my photos on my phone, just chuck them on the computer.

Yeah. But it had crashed and so you couldn't log on to get them. So I rang up the computer place. I'm like, I've got to get rid of this and sort this out. And there was some tax stuff on there I needed as well. So I was like, I've got to get this info. So I've probably got to pay to get it fixed and the guy at the shop was like well all we can do is you bring in a hard drive and for a couple of hundred

bucks we put all your stuff onto the hard drive i was like this is a good deal because i don't need the computer anymore yeah it's it's wasted yeah you just want what was on it. Yeah. Oh my, but then I'm like, oh no, there's like photos on there. Not like bad photos, but just like Why are you saying, oh no then? Well, just because like, I mean, you know. But like, do they go through like all your stuff?

They do now. But have you got it back yet? Yeah, I've got it back. I only took a couple of hours. Like they just did it, dropped it off, gave me a call, said it's done. Nah, they don't look at it. Did they pass it to you in a plastic bag wearing rubber gloves and they were like, good luck with life. So any photo had been sent, even just some random stuff,

we all send each other in group chats. I don't think what we've sent each other is a real problem here. No. Just everything. I'm just like, oh, because I went through everything and I, like, sorted it out and backed it up over the weekend. I was just like, oh, if they'd gone through this, they'd just be like, what the hell?

But then, like, do they have time? Nah, they don't. I mean, I doubt they do because they look pretty busy. You'd have to make a judgment call on the sort of person that handed it to you being like, is this going to be worth a snope? Like, am I going to get some interesting stuff or am I just going to get boring? Are they transferring it through like something with a screen?

Because you know how it just runs through all the pictures. You'd be like, whoa, what did I just see? Well, they had to take the hard drive out and plug it into something else. So, I mean, maybe. It's just flashing up. They should have an algorithm running and it picks up anything. Because, you know, like dodgy pictures. Yeah.

Like nipples and stuff. The nipple algorithm. Instagram can detect nipples now, can't it? You don't have to have your nipples reported. You don't have to report it. It's instant nipple detect. Yeah. Interesting. But dear, if you worked at a place like I would, I would totally go through people's photos. If you had the time.

If it was a quiet day. Yeah. You're talking hundreds. Like, you'd start and you'd be like, oh, no, this person's boring. But, like, the good stuff might be in the middle of all the fun. Diamond in the rough. So you've got to go through. And then I guess you're charging them per hour, so why not? So someone's definitely seen some things.

I don't know what they've seen. Were they, like, could they look you in the eye when they gave it back to you? Yeah, no, he did. I'd just take a backup of every backup I did. And then like if you had some downtime at the weekend, be like, all right, scroll. Oh, right. So you'd double backup. Yep.

Yeah. Okay. Good call. But then probably not. Like that's pervy. Like just actually saying it out loud, I hurt myself. And I'm like, eh. And I'd be too.

Like click, click, click, click, five clicks, nothing interesting. Yeah, right. I'm not wasting any more time doing this. But then I'd probably waste a little bit more time doing it. I could imagine you'd have a snoop if that was your job. Good thing to do, because, you know, I always sit on the toilet for a while.

A good thing to do just to pass some time in there, because I've always got to have a game to play on the toilet. Just go through random customers' photos. Just have an iPad and just... Ooh, hold on, there's one. No, that's... ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Caitlin, at the weekend,

undertook something that we should all be thankful for because she's done a first aid course and if anybody stops breathing, I'm going to be fairly limited in my knowledge of how to make them start breathing again. I know. Staying alive by the BGs on the chest

and then the huff huff. Push, push, push, push. Or another one by the dust. Staying alive. Push, push, push, push. Staying alive. She's already shaking her head at you. Do you have to sing that song?

That is not what you do at all. Because that staying alive is too slow. You've got to be doing two pushes per second. 30 to two, no matter who, guys. Just remember that. 30 to two, no matter who. What does that mean? 30 presses to two breaths, no matter who.

Baby, child, adult. That sounds like a lot for, I'd be like, one, two. So, no, no, two, yeah, you can do it up to an hour. You have to kiss them and do the breath in them. For two. And you hold the nose, right? So you go, boom, boom. Now for a baby,

you use two fingers. For a child, just one hand. For an adult, two hands. Doesn't matter if you break the ribs, you're saving their life. get in there do you still like link your fingers like that and you get on top

of them and you like push and you have to use from your hips because you might be doing it for an hour or so so you've got to

look after yourself and use from your hips not just use your shoulders because you could you know injure yourself like Vaughn does every single day by just doing roly poly

doing silly things so you do 30 pushes and two blows. 30 pushes and it's got to be quite fast. So it's like 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. 30 of those, two breaths. I thought she was going to go for 30. Do you want to go? No.

We get the idea. No, I do. I could actually try it on someone because I've got this little plastic breather thing. Did you want, I could give Megan mouth to me. I don't actually need the plastic for Megan, but I could. Wait, why did you bring the plastic thing? Come in and bring the plastic and give Megan mouth to mouth. That would be funny.

Do you carry these plastic things everywhere with you now? Yes. And my certificate that I've got in my wallet. Do you actually? I legally, if someone's like dying, I legally now, because I've got my certificate, I have to go over and save them. That's not a thing, is it? Yeah.

They're not going to put you in prison for not saving somebody. Megan, lie down. Where am I lying? I actually can't believe that you're willing to do this, Megan. I don't need the plastic for it. She's always up for a bit of action. What, should I do the Heimlich manoeuvre on it? No.

No, no, no, because that can break things. Lie down, Megan. We just want the funny one. Like you've just had an electric shock or something and you're dead. Is that why you give someone mouth-to-mouth? What I'm going to do is I need to check the doctor's ABCs. So first of all, I need to check the dangers. Apples, bananas, carrots.

No. Then secondly, I need to check if there is a response. Hello, can you hear me? So this is doctors. D-R-S. Yeah, so what is it? So this is doctors. D-R-S. Yeah, so what is it? Danger. Dangers.

Yep. Response. Response. Send for help. Can you please call an ambulance? I'll call an ambulance. She's unresponsive. I'll call an ambulance.

And then A. One, one, one. Dude. Hello? I'll take care of this. Oh no, she's just got up. Don't worry. Oh, fuel.

What are you getting up? No, I was going to try and put something in my mouth to trick her. I blocked my airways. We don't need to go, fuel. What are you getting up? No, I was going to try and put something in my mouth to trick her, block my airways. We don't need to go that intensely because if it does go wrong, you're going to die. We don't need to take it to that level. That's some Jared Leto level method acting. Don't look up my skirt.

Okay, and then we're on to A, which is airways. I want to come over. I want to... I can't see. And I'm going to lift up her chin so that her airways are clear. Now I'm going on to B, which is breathing. I'm going to, up her chin so that her airways are clear. Now I'm going on to B, which is breathing. I'm going to, for 10 seconds,

check her breathing. 1, 2, 3, okay. Let's pretend she's not breathing. Megan, you're the worst dead actor ever. It seems like 10 seconds is time wasted if someone's not breathing. No, it's not. No, it's 10 seconds born. Listen to the instructor. We're not 5. Because it's 10 seconds, because

that's how long it could take for someone to have an actual breath. You don't want to give them mouth-to-mouth if they're breathing. Why? I'm dying! Okay. Now, ABC. C is circulation and CPR. Okay, so.

Circulation. Right, I'm going to perform. No, no, because you're breaking your wrist. I'm going to perform CPR. Just pretend. So, just below the nipple line. You didn't need to touch that. Me. Sorry. Why So, just below the nipple line. You didn't even touch them. Sorry.

Why did you just touch your nipples? I'm pretty sure that's not allowed. Okay. And then I'm going to... And go. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. Okay, imagine you've just done thirty. And then I pass over.

Okay, now you put a bag over her mouth. This is a bit of glad wrap. It looks like glad wrap. What is it? This is just for my safety. It's just a bit of plastic with this little gauze-like thing. It's just for safety so that she doesn't give me any of her germs. So question, if you found someone on the street

and you didn't have this bag with you, this glad wrap. I'd save a life. Could you use like a supermarket plastic bag that was flying by because we've got 10 000 years worth of those no you need this little bit of you just do it but what if they had manky teeth please you're saving your life come on ginger people with manky teeth deserve to live there's like a like a five percent chance that you'll get anything it's like really low i don't know if she's out okay ready too much Okay, ready? We've lost her. Too much chat. I'm going to do the breath. Are you ready?

Yeah. You practically kissed Megan. Did you feel the breath come into your mouth? No, it just went in my mouth. Open up to it then, Megan. Don't breath block it. Ready? I can't believe you just gave Megan mouth to mouth.

Wow. She's alive. I don't need the defibrillator. The D is defibrillator. Or however you say it. Did you hear the mouth fart she did on my face? That was great, Katniss. So you now, you've done the weekend course.

Yes. No, it was just a one day. I've got essential first aid. So I could save your life, guys. I want to do the Heimlich Manoeuvre. So anytime someone's choking, I'm there for you. Is there like a... There's two ways.

On the back. One, two, three, four, five. Turn around. One, two, three, four, five. In the stomach. I don't know if this is lost on radio. I was going to say, is there a universal sign for choking? Yeah, they go like this.

Just general panic in point of face. Panic, panic, panic, point of face. That's great. Good on you. Thank you. Why did you do that? I just want to sue them for ages. My last one was 10 years ago.

You've got to update them every two years. It's just Caitlin has this thing where she wants to help people in life. Some people have it, Fletch, where they like care about others and stuff. It's good, it's good. Somebody said you can use a t-shirt over the mouth if you don't have the plastic thing. Oh, that's good to know. Because the breath can get through and it'll also stop

them vomiting in your mouth. Oh, so they will vomit. Yeah, yeah. You'll probably get vomit in your mouth. But you're saving a life. I didn't put you in the recovery position. I should have done that. After. I was going to say after because it's hard to blow in their mouth

when they're on the side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, don't do that. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and Clinton to listen to? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music lives here. ZM.