ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - May 29 2019
Episode Date: May 28, 2019Megan went the extra mile for someone yesterday, we talk to Bree and Clint live from LA and when did you realise you were saying it wrong?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information....
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ZM. Head music. Lives here.
Fletch Warner Megan. The podcast.
Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Warner Megan.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Snow.
It's been a long time coming, though.
I know.
It's been a long while.
But then it's so mild at the moment, then is it just going to be like, ha ha ha.
Yes, this weekend will be the rude awakening.
Winter is coming.
Yeah.
Freaky ranch lighters open a little bit, winds.
And other signs of winter.
Like leaves.
And gutters.
Don't you bloody get up on the roof this weekend.
Stay out.
No, I'm not.
You're not allowed on the roof anymore, are you?
Not since I fell through that bit.
No.
I tripped very lightly.
All right, you lot.
Listen up.
It's story time.
I've found three news headlines.
Interesting, unusual, quirky news stories.
Vaughan and Megan, deliberate.
Find one headline that tickles your fancy.
Yes, sir.
Headline one, China's
latest Big Brother software.
Headline two, teen's job
application doesn't go to plan.
And headline three, rubbish, the new
narcotics.
That sounded like a thinking
sound, but it was just my drink bottle across the desk.
Rubbish, the new narcotics.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Interesting.
Trying to think how it could be
because obviously they wouldn't stop you at the border
for taking some rubbish.
Or would they?
People are putting rubbish.
Rubbish men are getting high off.
Did you hear about that Japanese man?
No.
Swallowed 297 containers of cocaine.
Why?
To smuggle them internationally.
Oh, right.
One popped.
He dead.
He dead.
He dead.
One popped.
What are they putting it in?
He dead.
Glad rack.
Condoms and, yeah.
And you're supposed to poop it out.
I'd double bag.
You're not supposed to double bag.
Why not?
For the traditional use of condoms.
But I believe double bagging while smuggling drugs would be the safer option.
But like, are you supposed to poop them out?
Do you use the extra light feather fin?
No, don't go feather because you'll burn through it.
You'll dissolve it, won't you?
And your stomach acid.
How are you getting them out?
I think you poop, do you poop them out?
I mean, 297 is an insane amount of anything to eat.
There's no way that's coming back out.
No.
For reals.
That's idiotic.
Or maybe they...
Oh, no.
The mind boggles at how they get them out.
Bizarre, isn't it?
I've forgotten story one.
China's latest Big Brother software.
Or Tan's job application doesn't go to plan.
Or rubbish the new...
Rubbish the new narcotics.
Rubbish the new narcotics.
You want that?
Yes, please.
Okay.
Do you please support our journalism by allowing ads?
Okay.
One second.
You work for a media company.
Oh, hang on.
I've got to.
Why don't you open all three tabs just in case?
Here we go.
We can't be like,
oh, media wanted to make money.
Because we work for.
I've allowed my ad blocker, okay?
Okay.
I know.
That was nice of you.
Thank you.
We go to England now.
And Welland, near Welland, Garden City, England.
Pictures here of an old toilet and a rusty kitchen sink
sitting on top of a massive pile of junk covering the floor of an
ancient beach forest. An estimated 485 tons of trash were dumped in the greenery here over a
five-day period last summer. Mattresses, old fridges, office chairs, even a children's slide,
household and construction waste, with a mansion, the historic Brockett office chairs, even a children's slide, household and construction waste,
with a mansion, the historic Brockett Hall estate,
just a short walk away.
It's been home once to two British prime ministers.
Lovely.
Just imagine an old British estate.
Yeah.
So in the forest, by that, is a lot of rubbish.
Now, apparently...
It was an organic collection.
Apparently, rubbish, they're saying rubbish is the new narcotics
because gangs are turning to legitimate rubbish collection from people.
You know, like those junk places that are like,
if you've got a pile of trash, we'll come and get it.
We'll charge you 500 bucks to take a truckload of stuff.
They're then driving into the countryside, dumping it illegally.
Oh, and then just pocketing all the cash.
And then pocketing all the cash.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Oh, that's a weird one.
Hence why they're saying it's the...
It's the new narcotics.
Yeah, and that apparently a lot of criminal gangs are turning to this.
That's ridiculous.
Surely this would be easy to sort out.
Based on just that load of rubbish that was dumped,
they reckon 20,000 pounds it would have cost.
Good Lord.
Wow.
So that's 40,000 New Zealand dollars.
And, you know, it's a big pile of rubbish.
But, I mean, it's easy money, isn't it?
And, I mean...
You wouldn't go to jail for that, would you?
You'd get fined.
Well, you'd get fined.
You might go to jail.
Heavily fined.
Yeah.
So this thing dumping rubbish illegally is the new narcotics.
Cash.
I suppose they're getting paid in cash.
Well, yeah, exactly.
But then if people are leaving, like, receipts
or if there are clues in the rubbish,
it'd be easy to track down these gangs.
But then if they're changing numbers.
Yeah, I don't think they're using real names for their criminal enterprise.
Yeah, you're not going to track them down.
So it's pretty crazy.
Do what the rest of us do.
Just dig a big hole in the ground and push the rubbish in
and then push the dirt back over it and chuck some grass seed in the top.
Kennedy's been doing it for centuries.
Yeah, and then wonder why your lawn slumps in a few years.
Yeah, bumpy and the water table gets polluted and stuff.
But, you know, what can go wrong?
What can go wrong?
Yeah, thank you.
Nothing.
Apart from the horrendous things we just listed.
There's a study in Australia that has revealed some crazy stats
about how young people are having sex.
So this is a national debrief survey.
It's done by the Centre for Social Research and Health.
And it says that 75% of young Australians
who had had sex in the past 12 months
did so without a condom at least once. How many percentage?
Wow.
75%.
So three quarters.
Who had had sex in the past year.
Had done it at least once with no condom.
Yeah.
So of that group.
Does this people who are sort of like single and mingle, or does this include couples?
Single and mingle.
That's really high, isn't it?
Yeah.
And you'd think, you would think that the number of casual partners someone had, like
the more casual partners you had, the more likely you would use condoms?
Yeah.
Not the case. A person's likelihood of consistent condom use
decreases with the number of casual partners.
More than 66% of people who had five casual partners or more
said they did not use a condom.
That's nuts, isn't it?
Yeah.
So they've said, look, it's not because they're not educated,
because when they spoke to them all, they very much knew.
They said 92% of people should use a condom with a new sexual partner.
But they're not practicing what they preach.
No.
They know that that's the case, but then they're just not doing it.
And they're saying, oh, but my best friend wouldn't.
So when they're talking about everyone they know,
they're like, oh, but they wouldn't.
They don't.
So is it social pressure or like, I don't know.
It's weird.
Also people-
And would the numbers here be similar?
Seeing as we're, you know, we're next door neighbours,
we're cousins.
Maybe.
That's, hmm.
So it's the same with STI checks.
So 67% of people said they felt strongly that people should get tested for an STI.
But only one in five were actually doing it.
And women are more likely to have an STI test than men.
63% of women as opposed to 51% of men have actually gone for an STI test.
Don't sleep with Australians. Is that what we're learning from this? Yeah. 1% of men have actually gone for a STI test. But then I always think...
Don't sleep with Australians? Is that what we're
learning from this?
I know they
are born.
That's crazy. I would have thought
at least if you're having more
casual partners, you'd be like,
I actually, I should be a bit more safe.
But the more casual partners you have,
the less likely people are to use protection.
That's mad.
That's mad.
But is it because you're more likely to come across somebody who's like,
um, like the more you, you know, just statistically,
you're more likely to come across an anti-conner.
Or is it just like the more you're doing it, the more cavalier you are?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't get STIs because you are using condoms
and you're like, I'm invincible.
Yeah, until you get one.
Yeah.
And then, but you wouldn't know
because you're not going to get tested.
Yeah.
Wow.
Yikes.
That's scary.
As again, I'm just,
see everything in Australia is trying to kill you.
The snakes, the penises, the chlamydia, the tunnel web spider.
From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six.
Someone was getting left out, so I've just decided to make an addition.
So there has been a hack, apparently.
This will be interesting to see how they did this,
whether or not someone just like literally left a USB
around with all the files on it
because
I don't know if they've
fully hacked servers or what the story
is but it's kind of this great unknown as to
how the National Party got
their hands on the details of the wellbeing
budget which is the
government's plan on how the money's going to be
spent for the next little while.
I was reading about this.
Apparently, this is a big deal.
Like, budgets don't get leaked.
No.
Like, normally the media will get the morning
to be locked in a room with the budget
and then one o'clock.
And then it comes out and they've got all the details
and they know the bullet points,
the print and everything.
Yeah, correct.
They reckon they've got enough evidence
that shows it's been a legitimate hack.
That's weird, isn't it?
A budget, it's boring AF.
I know, but they want to be on the front foot.
Yeah, right.
There's a lot to be said if you had days to prepare on how that money's coming at the expense of that
and you can get those people on board by turning them against those people.
Would Simon Bridges be that stupid to get a hacked budget and leak it?
I don't know.
It's hard to say.
Desperate times. He's like 5% leadership preferred leader.
Maybe you just start trying things.
Then what's he going to do? Come out and say,
oh, they're going to spend lots of money on the police.
Cool. Boo.
Why didn't you? No, because you don't bash
the police, you bash beneficiaries. You say,
oh, I'm getting too much money for nothing.
You pay all your tax money.
Sickies and booze.
That sort of crazy, aggressive rambling.
So the top six more exciting things that could have been uncovered
in a parliamentary server, in this hack on a parliamentary server.
I've actually got inside word.
It's not the Prime Minister.
I just had to professionally distance myself
from that but these are things that are actually on the service of parliament okay number six a
video file of winston peter's trying to skype his family but he's just recorded a very confusing 25
minute selfie video are they there are they there well that's why he's made extra funding available
for seniors for internet courses.
To use the thing, yeah, because he doesn't want the 25-minute video of him
trying to Skype someone surfacing.
And then there's just like this extended period where it's just the bottom of his chin
and he's like, no, I don't know what I've done wrong.
Are they there now? Are you there now? I can't see you.
It's just photos.
We've all been there.
Yeah.
Number five on the list of the top six more exciting things
that could have been uncovered in a parliamentary server hack,
Maggie Barry's collection of naked plant photos.
What a sicko.
Put some clothes on those plants.
Oh, I thought you meant her naked with plants.
I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Maggie.
No, she doesn't keep those on the parliamentary server.
Those are at home.
Those are on her iCloud.
Yeah, yeah.
Hidden password protected two-factor authentication.
No one's getting her naked with the plants,
but her naked plant photos.
Yep.
She's got them on her desktop.
At Parliament.
Number four on the list of the top six
more exciting things that could have been uncovered
in a parliamentary server hack.
Security camera footage of Jacinda Ardern
just screaming into a pillow.
Like really just letting
it all out, just letting rip all
the frustrations of day-to-day
Prime Minister-ing.
That would make me feel better.
You ever done it?
Make you feel better. Yeah, then at least I know she's
human, you know. Yeah, just muffled
screams, just blood curdling.
There's
got to be some of those, eh? She's always so
calm.
Number three
on the list of the top six more exciting things
that could have been uncovered in a parliamentary server hack.
Audio recordings of Judith
Collins reading very graphically
violent novels
in an erotic voice while smoking
ciggies and drinking Jack Daniels.
I can imagine it.
And then the sword
pierced through his heart,
ending his life
like his life meant
nothing at all to nobody.
That's real Tennessee
Durban
So scary, eh?
Yeah
Everyone watched the life drain from his face
Some expressed glee
Puts a cigarette on her arm
Crush at Collins
Makes me feel like I'm alive again Siggy out on her arm. Crush it, Collins.
Makes me feel like I'm alive again.
Number two on the list of the top six more exciting things that could have been uncovered in a parliamentary server hack
are Simon Bridges' videos of him playing Fortnite.
It's mostly him just not following instructions of his squad,
dying when he went out solo,
and random Americans making fun of his accent.
It's hard watching.
Did you just describe
your Fortnite?
Pretty much.
Pretty much.
Except when I play
with random Americans
I always mute the mic.
I can't be bothered
explaining where I'm from.
Yeah.
And the number one
more exciting thing
that could have been
uncovered on parliamentary
servers with this recent
hack that uncovered
the budget,
Chloe Swarbrick's
vape trick videos.
She does trick videos
with vapes.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
So she does this one
where she goes
sucks on the vape
and then goes
and makes a circle
and then goes
and shoots an arrow
out of her nose
through it.
It's pretty legit.
And if you watch
right to the end
she starts doing buckies
with Paula Bennett.
Okay, yeah.
And then they sit around
and they laugh heaps and they get the munchies and then
they just eat heaps of paninis.
Good to see the greens getting on with National.
It is. It's a blue-green
coalition over a red
buckie.
And a bottle with the bottom cut out.
Yeah, okay.
You know how, basically how that works.
That is today's top six.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
There are a Papakura Salvation Army, so a secondhand store.
Yeah.
A thrift shop has been in the news because it has this.
And a framed, so they've framed this.
Okay.
I'm imagining the frame must have not sold for a while,
so they're like, we'll use that for the store.
Pyjama wear is not acceptable in the store.
Thank you for your cooperation, store manager, Moana.
And so that's up there for all to see.
Yep.
Moana says she put the sign up.
She's trying to set a standard and value for the store.
I don't think it's suitable to wear pyjamas in a public store, she said.
I was brought up by my mother.
She was a single parent.
There were 10 of us,
and not once did we go out without wearing clothes and shoes.
We were very poor,
but we just did a walk around in public in our pyjamas.
She's got high standards.
I'll give her that.
Go to the supermarket or nip into the dairy in your jammies
or down the road in the car to drop someone off in your jammies.
But you're not going to – who's going to a thrift shop in their jammies?
Yeah, it's not an emergency outing to get milk or bread or bacon
or, you know, like a breakfast-y emergency.
Yeah.
I wouldn't do it, but at the weekend,
because in our cafe, I own a cafe now, if you've missed that,
we had someone who came in to get coffee and a treat in her pyjamas.
But the thing was, it was reasonably early.
It would have been about 9am.
I thought you were going to say 6.
I think you were going to say 6 as well.
No, but it's like a Sunday.
That's early.
Right.
And she looked real sheepish.
And like takeaway coffee in and out or dine in?
No, no, no, takeaway.
And so, and she was looking at me with a vulnerable look on her face,
like, please don't judge.
So I was like, hey.
No judge here.
I'll just tell everyone on air about this next Wednesday.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't do it, but.
I'm semi-okay with that because that's just popping out for a treat.
And that's semi-emergency.
Grab it, go home.
It's like.
But you're not going to go to Bunnings or do a full shop at Briscoe's.
No.
And your Jarmies, are you?
No, no, no, no.
No.
I don't imagine any of those places would have a problem.
Well, Bunnings I was kind of like maybe.
Emergency nails. Yes. Yeah. Yes. But I was kind of like, maybe. Emergency nails.
Yes.
Yes.
But what if they're like nice jammies?
Like Peter Alexander's or something.
Well, like you get those like-
Like classy silk jammies.
Yeah, with like a pinstripe down them or something.
Oh, yeah.
Do you think that's the problem is that with places like Peter Alexander
and all these nice jammies, you pay so much money for them.
You want to get more wear out of your jammies.
You want to show them off in public.
I paid like a hundred bucks for these jammies.
I'm showing them off.
Yeah.
Well, you just look at them and you're like,
well, there's no holes or anything.
It's like suitable.
This is why also it's a good idea to sleep in something that's not pajamas
because I could go out.
Yeah.
And I mean, I'd probably put a shirt
on because I don't usually
but like I could go out in what would be my sleepy
slash pyjama wear pre-bed
just got up situation and no one
would know because it's just like a t-shirt and
track pants. Right
and that's quite formal for West Auckland
area for you
West Auckland formal jammies
I don't know what to say.
Brie and Clint are
Chasing Tatum.
Live from LA.
Chasing Tatum in LA
thanks to Samsung filming everything
they do on the Samsung S10+.
And Brie and Clint, join us in LA.
Whereabouts are you guys right now?
Oh my God, you guys.
I think my accent has developed into like more of a valley girl,
but we're here in the Beverly Hills.
We're literally overlooking all the celebrity houses right now.
It's certainly your accent's got more Californian since last time.
I'll give you that.
Yeah, I think it's because I've been here for a couple of days. So I've just picked up a little bit of a Californian since last time. I'll give you that. Yeah, I think it's because I've been here for a couple of days, so I've just picked up
a little bit of a Californian accent.
So,
when you say all of the celebrities' houses,
do you know whose house you're outside?
So, you're not
going to believe this. We're actually on Mulholland
Drive at the moment because
we are looking into
Channing Tatum's actual house.
Does that have on my Holland Drive?
We're on the hill, but no joke, Dean McCarthy, who's our Hollywood reporter, has driven us
up here and he's pointed out the house.
It looks like there's someone home.
Oh my God.
You can see that there's boats and cars in the driveway.
We're about to go down there and try and get as close as we can. Oh my God. You can see that there's boats and cars in the driveway. We're about to go down there and try and get as close as we can.
Oh, my God.
You can literally see into the house.
And the doors are all open.
There's, like, big bi-fold doors overlooking the pool.
Everything's open.
There's a car there.
We saw a car door open.
It's a really, really open view of your house.
Yeah, thanks to poor security from Channing Tatum,
with good binoculars, you'd be able to see where he gets danged.
But there's, like, a big fence or something, you'd be able to see where he gets changed. But there's like a big fence
or something though, right?
Yeah, there is.
Yeah.
So the good thing is
we're on the top
of Mulholland Drive.
So we're overlooking his fences.
We're kind of overlooking
and looking down.
I mean, it doesn't sound creepy
at all the way you're describing it.
Sounds like.
Well, guys,
I can't believe I've just seen
where I'm about to move into.
It's a beautiful house.
It's picked out of my room.
It's all happening. I mean, Jesse J might have something to move into. It's a beautiful house. It's picked out of my room. It's all happening.
I mean, Jessie J might have something to say about that, but sure.
It sounds like there's plenty of room for everybody.
I can come too.
Yeah, right.
I don't mind rooming with her.
Okay, yeah, right.
The problem is, though, that yesterday we did a 23-kilo pizza challenge.
So, say on the off-chance Bree gets invited into his house,
the first thing she's going to need to do
is use his toilet, which is not the best
first impression, but you know, at least she's inside.
What's the tease and seeze with going
number twos in Channing Tatum's toilet?
Go in the guest room.
Yeah, yeah. No evidence.
Use the toilet brush. Definitely.
Yes.
So, but no sign of Channing
himself though.
Well, not technically, no.
But, yeah, no.
So, so far, this has been quite a disaster.
But, I mean, do you know where in the world he is?
Because you said he was in London on Monday.
He stopped posting, which is really, really annoying.
However, there is a fan account that is stalking him,
and we are going to give you an update this afternoon.
We think he may be stateside again.
We think he may be at least back in this country.
I liked how you talked about almost the tone in your voice
when referring to another person stalking him was bad,
but you guys are doing it, and it's fine by you.
Yeah, but ours is friendship stalking.
It's totally different.
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, your baby follows you on Instagram, so
there you go. Alright, well, this afternoon
from three, Bree and Clint
chasing Tatum. ZM's
Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
Of course, sad news.
People don't like swimming
and it's not because you get wet.
Shucks. No, because this
includes pool swimming. Oh, right. No, because this includes pool swimming.
Oh, right.
This is because people are unhappy with how they look
when they're in swimming attire.
Togs, some people call them.
Or slashes half naked at the beach.
Yeah.
That's sad.
Showing bits and pieces.
I know, isn't it sad?
Swimming's great.
Just go somewhere where no one knows you.
Like, go to a beach overseas where no one knows you.
Just, I don't know, get in your togs.
Who cares?
I don't ever swim in front of people I know.
I don't want to do that.
Like if we all went to the pool, you wouldn't go for a swim?
No.
Didn't you swim at Vaughan's that time?
No, she didn't.
And you know what?
She's not the only person.
We've had people come around and I'm frolicking guts out.
All go hairy ass shows when I dive in and my pants come down a little bit.
And I'm like like come for a swim
and they're like
oh no thanks
and then you like
get talking to them about it
and they're like
oh no I'm not
comfortable with how I look
I'm like
but it's us
like who cares
like
oh that's sad
frolic my friend
frolic
and they're like
oh no thank you
I don't like
I don't like the thought
of somebody seeing me
in my swimming trunks
I'm like what it is sad and I don't understand it because I don't like the thought of somebody seeing me in my swimming trunks.
I'm like, what?
It is sad.
And I don't understand it because I don't care what you think.
But the other thing, beach is a good swim.
Give you competition so you can hold the breath.
Let's go into water and I'll yell something.
Can you understand what I'm saying?
Can you go the whole pool and touch your ends?
Yeah!
Do a handstand under the water, baby!
The most anxious time on a beach is when you have to get up from your towel
to get in the water.
No!
Because you've got to do that walk.
All I'm thinking of is
who's going to knock my stuff on the beach?
That vulnerable walk.
Yeah, that's when you dig a hole
and put all your stuff in the hole
and then put your towel over it.
Oh, good idea.
You can actually buy the...
Actually, you could just take a sustainer
or a Tupperware.
Yeah, put it in and bury it under the towel, but you've got to remember it. Yeah, otherwise you'd need can actually buy the, actually you can, you could just take a sustainer or a Tupperware. Yeah, put it in a beer
right under the towel,
but you've got to remember it.
Yeah, otherwise you'd need
that guy with the metal detector.
You'll lose all your stuff.
Yeah.
But that's so like.
That is sad.
So they did a study.
Were there any figures like.
Is it more female,
more female.
More female based than males.
Three in 10 will not swim
because of their body.
Yeah.
So 30% of people are like, I'm not getting in there because of my body.
But I'm not surprised by that at all.
Well, you are the one in three in the studio.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It is sad and I would encourage everyone else, but like I totally understand.
What about if the plane ditches in the ocean and you have to get off into the water?
You're like, no thanks.
I don't want you guys to see my body.
No, because I wouldn't be in togs. If I had to get into my togs, to get off into the water. You're like, no thanks, I don't want you guys to see my body. No,
because I want to be in togs.
If I had to get into my togs,
I'd stay on the plane.
No,
you've got to get,
you've got to strip down to, you know,
bra and undies.
Oh God.
Because your jeans will,
yeah,
what are you?
Better be somewhere
by home, eh?
No,
your wet jeans
will bring you down.
You might not make it
to the life raft, Megan. Good Lord. Your heels might not make it to the life raft Megan
Good lord
Your heels will put a hole in the life raft when you get there too
Megan you would puncture the
Emergency slide
I've got an interesting situation coming up in the next summer
Because I'm getting the laser hair
The laser hair removal on my back
And also my ass but that's alright because my ass
I plan to have covered most of the time I'm swimming
But you can't get tanned.
You can't because it works on the fact that there's the contrast
between your pale skin and the dark hair.
So I can't actively tan.
And if I go, I've got to be one of those people that swims in a T-shirt.
Now, I don't want everyone to think I'm swimming in a rash shirt
because I don't want you to see my nipples because I don't care.
Yeah, right.
But is that forever or just while you're getting the laser?
No, just while you're getting it.
So like definitely this summer coming.
Right.
And then, I don't know,
maybe if it needs further treatment down the track.
Yeah, right.
But then I don't want to have to explain to everybody every time,
hey guys, I'm not insecure about you seeing my nipples.
Yeah, right.
I'm not that wearing a rash shirt for that reason,
but I'm just getting the laser hair removal.
But yeah.
Hey, we just need a can.
Don't worry.
It's hard though, isn't it?
It's easier said than done.
It's easy for us to say who cares.
But everybody's got something they are anxious about,
about themselves.
Yeah.
So I guess it's easier said than done.
But if there's any way to shake that off,
shake it off because swimming's great.
Fleshforn and Megan, the if there's any way to shake that off, shake it off because swimming's great. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM.
I saw this online.
This is a tweet by Rob Perez at World Wide Wob.
Now, he presents a whole lot of weird questions.
Okay.
And some of them are phenomenal.
One of the other ones he asked was,
what animal would you nominate to represent you in the Hunger Games?
Okay.
Polar bear.
But this is his thing.
Just ask random questions.
But this particular question has gone crazy online.
$10 million right now in the hand.
Yeah.
But here's the catch.
A snail is chasing you for the rest of your life.
And if it touches you, you die a horrible, painful death.
The snail cannot be killed.
And the snail knows where you are at all times,
and its only purpose in life is to find you.
I would take 10 million.
Are you taking the money?
So I would take the money,
and then I'd go and move to somewhere like England or Europe or South America.
Safe from the snail.
Yeah, because how's the snail getting me?
How's it getting from New Zealand to wherever I am?
It's going on a plane.
Biosecurity.
It's hopping off the plane on the runway.
Because it's life mission is to find me.
All you're thinking about is a super slow, single focus assassin.
Right.
So you can't move anywhere
to escape the snail. It will
find you. What if you work out
the fastest possible time it would
take for it to get from here
to like Italy. Yeah.
So I go to Italy for like two months
and then come back here for two months. It's just
constantly going back and forth.
You're having to change your life and run
every two... Oh, $10 million isn't enough, is it? But you just think about something constantly going back and forth. Yeah, but then you're having to change your life and run.
Oh, $10 million isn't enough, is it?
But you just think about something constantly in the back of your head being like, snail's out to get you.
Snail's out.
Just constantly eating away.
And then if you ever see a normal snail, you're like, ah!
Does it have like a multicoloured shell so I know that that's the one?
I'm imagining it just looks like a standard snail.
You couldn't ever see a snail and trust it ever again.
What would you do?
So I've had a little bit of a think.
Okay.
And I don't know if this is against the rules.
Okay.
But I would catch the snail that was out to kill me.
Yeah.
And keep it in a jar.
Right.
And keep the jar with me at all times.
So I knew where he was at.
If he can't die, I don't need to put ear holes in it for him. Right.
Would you double jar? Because it can't be killed.
Maybe. I'd bury it into concrete.
Is that against the rules?
I don't know.
But then knowing my luck, I'd have an accident
while trying to bury the snail in the jar
and the jar will break.
Break open and it will kill me. And the snail will get out.
You know, this would be worse if it was
an ant. Well, it's harder to see.
And they're everywhere.
And they can get out of any holes.
Can, like, your partner hold
onto it? It's not going to kill them, right?
You just hold it by the shell all the
time.
No, but they get all, like,
they'll get up on your fingers.
Slimy. Yeah. He picks it up and he's like,
found the snail again, and then picks it up and he's like, found the snail again and then trips
and the snail's like,
and you die a horrible painful death
and you're out.
Yeah.
So he's had the $10 million.
It's one of those situations
where you get,
like, you know,
you see those ones,
would you break your brother's arm
for $10 million?
Absolutely.
You're damn right.
Absolutely I would.
Oh my God.
A hundred percent. I'd be like, it's a long story but we can both be? Absolutely. You're damn right. Absolutely I would. Oh my God.
100%. It's a long story
but we can both be mortgage free.
Stick out your arm.
Baseball bat.
For sure.
Baseball batter.
So I've just Googled
most land snails
live two or three years
but largest species
may live 10 years in the wild.
No, but this one's just
it can't die.
Oh yeah.
That was one of the stipulations.
Yeah, okay.
It will just keep coming.
Because it couldn't get
into this studio though, right?
Why not?
We've got events.
Oh, yeah, drop out of there.
That event's right over your head.
Oh, God.
Literally drop out,
land on your laptop,
roll into your buzzy,
and you're dead.
Dying a horrible, painful death.
I don't know if I'd take it.
I can't handle that stress.
Just constant stress.
But it's like people that like, you know,
go into witness protection or wrong a gang
or murder someone and get away with it.
You'd always be looking over your back.
You'd just be waiting, right?
You'd always be waiting.
15 years past, you think you got away with it.
Someone discovers new evidence
and then there's a broadcast about you.
Someone's said there's a flaw in your plan
because how do you know you've captured the right one?
You don't know which one.
Oh, I guess it's the snail that's following you.
I'd probably just capture every snail to be safe.
But I imagine when you sign up for this deal,
you get a picture of the snail that's after you.
But how does it have any discerning features?
They do have different shell patterns,
but you'd have to get very close to it to see.
Yeah, right. Get up and you'd look at it and you'd be like,
oh. No, just walk away from it and see
if it follows you. Yeah.
And then just sprinkle blitz in behind you.
Yeah, could you just go to bed
and put blitz in all over the carpet?
No, but it can't be killed.
It can't be killed, but I can make its life painful.
Is it eggshells they can't get across?
Oh, yeah. Or just a ring of salt because it
won't kill them but then that's what stops
them. If it kills them it doesn't deter them. They just
die while they go across it.
You're right though. You'd always be looking over your shoulder
and I don't know, $10 million would be
a great amount of money but would it be
worth a lifetime of... Because you could
always run away from it but it's
if it can sneak up on you.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's the big questions this morning,
the big questions.
Yeah, how would you sleep?
Someone's texted in,
how do you sleep?
You have to be in an airtight container,
but then you die.
But then you've got to sleep
in an airtight container every night.
You're losing,
you're getting $2 million
that you're losing so many things
And if you're sleeping in an airtight container,
how do you collect the systema shut?
You probably put a plunger on the inside of the systema
and pull it down onto yourself,
but then how do you get out?
No, your partner needs to put you in the systema.
Does systema make human-sized systemas?
But then what if your partner dies while you're in the systema
and then you just suffocate when the snail's out the window
and you're like, help me.
And the snail's like, oh, you think Sistema's just doing my job for me?
I told you I'd get you.
I'm the never ending non-stopable assassin.
I'm sure you'll be fine.
Your lunch always slops out of a Sistema.
So there'll be some air getting inside there.
Super glue a tracker to its shell.
Okay, I expected a better reaction.
But then you've got to touch it.
You've got to get dangerously close.
You'd get someone else to glow up to the shell.
So you would have a beep, beep, beep, beep proximity situation.
Yeah.
What a life to live, though.
You've got $10 million.
You're just out celebrating, you know, your partner's birthday
and then your tracker starts going off.
You're like, oh, I've got to go to Bloody Snails somewhere.
I'm like, that snail, I wish you'd never taken the money.
Flesh, fauna, Megan.
The podcast.
ZM.
Am I telling the story?
Are you spinning my words?
You please, you steer the ship, captain.
Captain, my captain.
So I was trying to be a good humanitarian the other day.
Humanitarian?
Human?
Samaritan.
Samaritan?
Samaritarian. Humanitarian. That's where you're from, Sumar. You were trying to be a good humanitarian the other day. Humanitarian? Human? Samaritan. Samaritan? Yes. Samaritarian.
Sanitarium.
That's where you're from, Sumar.
You were trying to be a good sanitarium.
Yeah.
Yep.
So at the cafe, there was a guy who turned up and he had flown in from London.
So he got a coffee.
A what?
He got a what?
Oh, wow.
I mean, you were worried we were going to dig a hole for you,
but you just dig it yourself.
Oh, my.
Wow.
A coffee?
I need to issue an apology there.
Sorry for that language.
I need a cigarette.
Or it's 2019.
I need a vape.
Someone give me a USB.
Oh, my God.
Okay, so he needed a coffee.
Oh, we're starting again.
Okay, right.
A coffee.
You've made me so anxious about this.
I'm just going to flick away my fakes.
Agree.
Okay, so anyway, this guy turned up, wanted to get to the airport.
He's like, what's the easiest way to get there?
So me and my husband were both standing there talking about,
okay, so you need to catch like a Skybus.
If you go straight down that road, it's like half an hour walk.
Or you could get like an Uber down there and you can get a Skybus.
It'll take you all the way to the airport.
So he was lovely.
We were chatting for a little bit.
And then I said to my husband, I was like, should I just take him?
I could just take him, not to the airport,
not to the airport, to the sky, like to where the Skybus is.
It would have been like a half an hour walk.
The bus stop.
It would have been like, I don't know, like a five minute drive.
I was like, I could literally take him there.
And it's like, you know, it's showing we're good people in New Zealand.
He's not even from here.
And imagine the TripAdvisor in your cafe.
Exactly.
Super helpful cafe. Extra service at Beaufort & Co. Yep, exactly. And imagine the TripAdvisor in your cafe. Exactly. Super helpful cafe.
Extra service at Beaufort & Co.
Yep, exactly.
They go the extra mile.
They do.
For hot people.
And then some monger comes in and they're like,
take me to the buses.
And you're like, no thanks.
So this is, okay, no, this is how it went down.
I told Twitch and Warn the story,
and they have presumed that he's hot.
Is he?
Was he, Your Honour, hot?
I will remind you that you are under oath
and face contempt of court if you lie.
He wasn't unattractive,
but he's definitely not my husband.
Hey, do you want to see what I just Googled, Vaughan?
Freudian slip, an unintentional error
regarded as revealing subconscious feelings.
Yeah. That's what happened before. Freudian slip, an unintentional error regarded as revealing subconscious feelings.
Yeah.
That's what happened before.
Okay.
So this is what Vaughn and I deducted.
This guy. This is what you deducted.
Was hot and attractive.
And you were willing to go the extra mile because he was hot.
He was just, he was from London and he needed help and I felt bad.
I was like, he could walk half an hour down there
or I could just drive him five minutes.
But so why did you decide not to drive him?
Because Andrew said, nah, it's done.
Can we just flip this around?
He actually said, we don't really know this guy.
But if we flip this around and a super hot girl walked in
and she was like, I don't know,
lost because she was on her way to the modelling day or whatever.
Yeah, but that's not what happened, Fletch.
But if it was.
From Sweden.
From Sweden, a hot Swedish backpacker.
And she's like, I need the bus.
Hi.
I need the bus.
I need to catch it to the bikini competition.
He knows better
to even offer.
He'd be like,
he'd say,
oh yuck,
bikini competitions.
Yuck.
It's so degrading.
But still on the other foot,
you know.
He wouldn't even say to me,
I'll give her a ride.
So at his young age,
he's wiser than you.
He wasn't.
At his young age,
he's wise beyond his years. I've always said that. I always forget how much's wiser than you. He wasn't. At his young age, he's wise beyond his years.
I've always said that.
I always forget how much younger he is than us.
So wise.
Two text messages from my husband.
Thank you for that.
Open them.
See what they say.
Are you in trouble?
Because we are going away after work for the night.
So that's good.
Give him a cooling off period.
Do you actually want me to read it out?
I'm speaking from experience.
He said it's good.
It's okay. I know whose arms
you were cuddling in this morning.
Oh!
That.
Yeah.
We asked on our Instagram
have you ever gone the
extra mile because someone was hot?
70%
of people say yes.
More hot people getting everything they want, isn't it?
Don't be jealous of us, please.
I was waiting for that.
That's right.
I really set you up.
We'll feed you our scraps.
But, okay, we want to take some calls.
We've decided, Megan, that Vaughn and I have decided that we will do this.
Okay.
And asked this morning, when have you gone the extra mile
just because someone was attractive?
Like, if they weren't, you wouldn't have done it.
Maybe it was a bit of extra service at work.
Maybe it was dropping a hot travelling...
A traveller.
Someone who's not familiar with our lovely country.
Making a slight deviation for a hitchhiker.
So I got a mate and he went out of his way
He said, well I couldn't drop her off where I was turning off
And where she wanted to go
Because it was in the middle of nowhere
Dangerous
So I dropped her off
I went slightly out of my way
I was like
An hour total
Half an hour there, half an hour
But they were hot?
Very
Oh right
So you do your part,
don't you?
Is this a mate
or was this?
Oh, it wasn't me.
Oh, okay.
No, our hitchhiking
because we've always
got the kids
but we went away
without the kids once
and I said,
let's pick up a hitchhiker
for once.
Shade's like,
absolutely not.
Went past one guy
and I started slowing down
and she's like,
oh my God,
no, no, no,
he looks how good girls are.
And then we saw two hot girls and I started slowing down and she's like, oh, my God. No, no, no. He looks how he'll kill us. Yeah. And then we saw two hot girls.
And I started slowing down.
She's like, keep your foot down, buddy.
Don't like, not even, I would rather have picked up the murdery guy
than watch you try your magic with the two hot girls.
Okay, so 0800-DARNZ.M, 9696.
When have you gone the extra mile just because someone was hot?
Give us a call.
Let's know.
Talking about when you've gone out of your way.
Extra mile.
You go the extra mile for hot people.
Megan was going to give a hot guy a ride to the bus stop from a cafe.
I never said he was hot.
You guys.
If I come and visit one Saturday, will you drop me back at the bus?
The Constellation bus stop?
No.
God, no.
She wouldn't even open the door for you.
I know, rude.
She doesn't even give me a discount.
No.
Like, rude.
I see how it is.
Text messages in.
I'm a travel agent.
I used to have a customer who was hot and charming and he had an Irish accent.
Oh.
I would spend up to two hours with him working on what should have been relatively basic bookings.
Just as I like to look at him and listen to his voice.
So you want to go from Wellington to Christchurch?
Let's discuss.
What is there to
discuss? You just sit there typing
oh no that plane's full. Just sit here
a little bit longer.
Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Tell me about yourself
while I tip, tap, tap, tap, tap.
What's your middle name?
Oh lovely.
Tippity tap, tap, tippity tip, tip, tip, tip, tip. What's your middle name? Tip. Oh, lovely. Tippity, tap, tap.
Tippity, tip, tap, tap.
Lots of text messages in, though.
Yeah.
I went to close down a bank account.
Really hot person working at the desk.
I almost ended up with a mortgage that day.
Oh, they're always trying to get you to sign up for something.
Absolutely suck it into that situation.
I was driving to the supermarket in Palmas the North.
I picked up two American hitchhikers
and they said how they wanted to go to Wellington.
I ended up driving them to Wellington.
Oh, my God.
They did take us out for dinner.
Oh, yeah, okay.
But my car blew up on the drive home
and ended up costing thousands of dollars to get fixed.
Oh, so it wasn't worth it.
Wow.
Debatable, debatable.
Abby, who went out of their way for a hot person?
My partner used to work in the mall while we both did together.
Yeah.
Awkward story, but the girl in tape here used to go out of her way
and provide sushi for him on a regular basis.
Oh, okay.
What, because he's obviously hot?
Oh, yeah. 100%.
He's sitting next to me right now with the biggest
grin on his face.
Because he's done nothing wrong.
He's having the free sushi.
He's done nothing wrong. This is the greatest for men
when they've done nothing wrong, so you can't be
angry at them. Are you flirting by proxy?
By, like, humouring it?
Or accepting the teriyaki chicken?
Yeah, I mean, sometimes.
It'd be nice if I could have a wee bite of what he's getting.
He doesn't even share.
He's a pretty selfish and would eat it to himself all the time.
Oh, no.
Brilliant, brilliant.
Abby, thanks for your call.
Mark, when did you go out of your way for someone hot? Oh, hey. I'm a painter and I had to go paint a room for a client.
Yeah.
And she asked me to come through and have a look at a couple of extra touch-ups in another room.
I was like, I'm not worried we can do that.
So I went through and she was there painting the rest of the inside of her house.
But did you charge her for painting the inside of the house?
Well, I'm just a worker and the boss wasn't too happy afterwards.
But she was quite attractive, so you just did it.
Oh, yeah.
I couldn't not do it.
I couldn't say no.
Oh, Mark. Megan understands, Mark. Megan gets it. I didn't say no. Oh, Mark.
Megan understands, Mark.
Megan gets it.
Okay, yeah.
You just get a bit sweaty, eh, and a bit giddy,
and you start agreeing things that you wouldn't usually agree to.
Anything to hang around a bit longer.
Probably the paint fumes as well, not our paint fumes.
Hey, Mark, thanks for your call, mate.
My boyfriend, somebody messages in, is is a very good looking man. I've
witnessed many a woman going the extra mile
for him. A girl once hauled
piles and piles of stock out of the back of the store
for my partner. She probably shouldn't
have because the store was packed
and she had other people to attend to but she just kept running
back and forward for him. Except
I wasn't there at the start but she came out
with some shoes and she said
hey babe, no they don't have it.
And then saw me and was like, a mix of, oh, gosh,
I've just called him babe and damn it.
All my hard work for nothing.
All my damned hard work for nothing.
So it works both ways.
Hot people.
Oh, no, it works both ways.
I mean, guys and girls.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You go the extra mile for hot people. No, it works both ways. Hot people aren girls Yeah yeah yeah You go the extra mile
For hot people
No it works both ways
Hot people aren't doing
Anything for us
I guess
No
That's by the by
What a great podcast
So far
Wouldn't you agree Fletch
Yes
And it's all thanks to Spark
Get one gig of bonus data
With the Spark U25 pack
Now
Back to the podcast
So
We've got a little bit
Of a surprise here
for a member of the show.
Megan's in the dark.
She left early yesterday. Yeah.
Warren and I stayed behind doing the hard
yards.
Smithy and Fletcher, they call us
at work here.
They just call us Fletcher and Warren mostly.
Yeah, no one calls me Smithy and Fletcher.
No one's called me Smithy despite my
attempts to get Smithy off the ground.
Stop trying to give yourself a nickname.
Punisher and pain in the ass is what they call you.
It's a sitter.
Yeah, distraction and why is he being so loud?
This isn't a surprise for me, is it?
It's actually not a surprise for you.
Thank God.
It's a surprise for another member of the show.
Someone say the keystone, the linchpin.
No, I don't know what we're doing.
I've caught on.
Oh my God.
She's caught on.
She's caught on.
Hey, I was here for this.
Don't say I left early.
Okay, go.
Hit it.
The Hunger James.
Member of the show,
producer James,
has taken
to being an Uber Eats driver
in his spare time
and he's clocking up the cash, the extra money.
Secondary income, although he's not paying any tax as he is.
He's going to sort that out later.
Now, do you remember yesterday, James, receiving an email from the mailroom?
Yes, that there was a large package.
We went down to get the mail and Samantha in our mail room is an absolute trooper.
We asked her to lie, and she's in charge of mail.
This could be a federal offence, and she put it all on the line for us.
She put her job on the line to lie for us.
She did lie to me as well.
I said, if James asks, say you accidentally emailed him,
it was for another James.
It was for a different James that works in the office.
And then you look quite upset.
You look quite, because you got really excited there was a big package for you.
Well, yes, and I'm actually waiting for a friend's birthday present,
so I thought it might have been theirs.
Oh, right.
It wasn't.
It wasn't.
So good to know you buy your friends large presents.
We're yet to get a large present from you on our birthday, but fine.
Yeah, but obviously that's not here yet,
but there is something around the corner.
Yeah, Caitlin, bring it round round because after all of the chat,
look what you've been sent.
If you've been following
our Uber James adventures
as an Uber Eats driver,
he's talking about how
he has a thermally insulated
isolation bag
and he has yet to test it
to its maximum capacity.
Well, our friends at Sales Pizza
have heard that you do deliver a Sells.
Yes.
And they have sent you a bag large enough to fit multiple 18-inch pizzas in.
This is wonderful.
This is the greatest thing ever.
Oh, my God.
For an Uber Eats driver, that's a real.
That has been made for an 18-inch pizza.
Yes, sir.
That's going to look so good when you're delivering, James.
This is great.
There's a little clear panel there you can put your name in there.
No, that's for the receipts, Megan.
That's where you put the receipts.
I thought that was so, like, if it got lost,
everyone would know, this is James' bag.
Well, James, I go to school with one of these big pizza bags.
It's got my books on it and my lunch, too.
What sort of straps has it got on, though? That looks quite hefty. Yeah, it's books on it and my lunch too. What sort of straps
has it got on though?
That looks quite hefty.
Yeah, it's got to carry
a couple of pizzas.
Yeah, it's a joint strap.
I was almost looking
for almost a backpack strap
that you could throw over.
No, you don't backpack pizza.
Well, you want to backpack
all the salami with the cheese.
You want to keep the pizza
perfectly flat.
Do you wear ferberites or not?
Come on, you can't have your pizza.
As I said, I haven't had one of the 18-inch pizzas yet.
I'm going to have to go looking for one.
Maybe I'll start putting some notes out there.
Let's talk about some other features of the bag.
Reflective strip.
That's good.
You won't get hit by traffic.
We talked about the receipt pocket.
And little vents on the side, Vaughan.
You've missed those out so you don't get condensated.
So you don't get soggy pizza.
A soggy box. Yes, it will let out condensated. So you don't get soggy pizza. A soggy box.
Yes, it will let out the moisture.
So your box doesn't get soggy.
We got it, Fletch.
But obviously the warmth and the insulation there, thick.
Yes.
It's like a very high quality sleeping bag.
Well, there you go, James.
Thank you to Sales Pizza too.
Thank you very much, Sales Pizza.
Are you going to use other people's pizzas in there?
Well. No one else's pizzas would touch the sides
This is true
Is there anyone you deliver
for that does a pizza that big?
I've not seen a pizza bigger than the sales pizza
Like a Domino's would just be
flopping around in there
But you've got the smaller bag for them
Oh yeah, a board can fit the whole top
half of his body in there.
I don't know if that's sanitary, that Vaughn's inside my pizza box.
Vaughn.
Stop huffing in there.
I'm just talking through one of the moisture release holes in the salt.
I can see your lips through there.
You see my tongue?
Yeah, yeah, don't do that.
It's not sanitary.
Okay, well, you're going to have to wet wipe that.
I'll give that a wipe.
You can give that a wipe.
Excellent.
I'll be the talk around the Uber.
It's time now.
I want to call you a bit.
They'll be like,
oh, you see, buddy, he drove a 487 with his big flash red bag.
I want to come along one day when you do one of your runs.
Do a ride-along.
We should do a ride-along because it'll be hilarious.
I mean, I'm not getting out of the car to deliver anything to anyone,
but I'd just love to just go along for a couple.
I reckon it'd be fascinating.
No, you've got to get out and see the people.
Get in front of them.
Hand them the meals.
Imagine if you order your food and four people are in the back of the car
just gawking at you.
And someone just runs in there like, here's your food.
Quick, go, go, go.
Back to the car.
You're like, take off.
No, shivers.
They are in a hurry.
They want to get everybody's food to them ASAP.
We'd get through some serious orders, though, with a lot of people.
Well, now that we've got this heat bag, it's fantastic.
All right.
Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast.
ZM.
Today is Mega Strike Day.
I like that this just isn't a strike.
It's a mega strike.
Where do you go to next?
Just laser strike.
Laser buffers.
Teachers take to laser strike.
Yeah.
But in all seriousness, good luck to the teachers.
Give them what they want.
They have to deal with rat bag kids all day.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I see some of this.
Like you two.
You two went to a school.
I know.
How did the teachers survive that mess?
Well, I went to a school while
there were ratbags. Yeah. And regardless,
there'll always be ratbags, but there was
significantly less students
in the class. Right.
And I think there was more
help for the teachers at the time, outside.
And probably proportionately paid
a little bit better than they are now. But again, it's not
all about the money for the teachers. It's about the support
and the structures around them.
And photocopying.
Yeah.
You say that.
You joke.
I'm not joking.
100%.
They've got a photocopying budget and it's not sufficient.
And the school's just like, we just can't afford.
A lot of teachers are paying out of their own pocket.
To go willy-nilly.
Supplies.
It's terrible.
Just email it to Caitlin like we do.
She'll print it off and get it back to you.
If you're a teacher that needs some printing,
because our dots don't work, Caitlin.
I know, because you never set them up,
because you're like, Caitlin will just do it.
I tried to set it up.
Caitlin does.
What if you need any school printing?
I'm more than happy to do any school printing.
Just don't tell the boss.
We should pick one teacher a week
where we take care of their photocopying.
I'm more than happy to do that.
That would be great.
I think I'd learn something as well.
Your name on the report, on the photocopier report.
That's fine.
Print an extra worksheet for yourself.
Pick up a little bit of extra.
I think that would be really good for my brain.
And then just courier it to them.
Yeah.
That's a great idea.
So we want to go to Australia now and Perth.
So you're not often that you find out why you didn't get a job.
This girl, Lily, did find out exactly why she didn't get the job.
They loved her.
She was applying for a job.
Should I say the company?
Sure.
STS Health.
Oh, I'm not using them anymore.
Oh, not bloody STS Health.
You were going to say a company we were all familiar with.
She wanted an admin job, admin. but she said they really liked my resume and they really
liked me.
As far as I could tell, she got a phone call and she didn't get the job.
But when she got the phone call from the boss, the boss left a voicemail and she did not
hang up the phone and she left an accidental voicemail.
Now, some of this, you might have to pause because I've listened a few times.
You really need to listen.
So maybe every now and then pause and just reiterate what the person has said.
Right.
Okay, good.
Because they called, thought that hung up, put the phone down and started talking about it.
Okay.
All right.
Hello, this is Lily.
Hello, this is Lily.
How much pausing do you want?
All right.
Maybe just listen.
Please leave your name and details.
I'll turn the phone down.
What are you doing about the tattoo?
Probably doing a fake tan.
She's not answering the phone.
She's probably getting another tattoo or doing a fake tan.
Now, this is about the person that applied for the job.
Yeah.
Who's got this voicemail on her phone.
This is recruiting you got a new phone.
This was recruiting a guy.
It's a big issue.
So here she is, right?
She's a pretty nice girl.
I said, like, we really like your resume.
And then I looked at her and went, oh, I don't like her anymore.
Really liked her resume then.
I looked at these. She's talking about her Facebook page. And then I went, no, I don't her resume then. I looked at these.
She's talking about her Facebook page.
And then I went, no, I don't like her anymore.
These selfies.
Just like the usual.
I wouldn't hire anybody who took a selfie.
She's taking selfies all the time.
Yeah, I was going to say, there's no one else in these photos.
There's no one else in these photos.
She's taking selfies all the time.
And they left that on her voicemail.
Like, they couldn't have incriminated themselves anymore if they'd tried.
Yeah.
They went into detail.
They were like, so here she is, right?
She looks really nice.
And then, yeah, they're literally going through all her photos
and commenting on her looks.
Yeah.
I'm not signing with them,
but if you were applying for a job,
lock your Facebook down
because no matter what is right or wrong,
people always judge.
Oh, they'll find something.
Like 100%.
So lock all of that out.
So a reporter actually confronted the woman
on that recording.
She said,
I did just want to say sorry to Lily
if I hurt your feelings
and it certainly wasn't my intent
And it was an immature moment for me in the office
But you still don't have the job
Oh you wouldn't want the job though
No you wouldn't
It sounds like a bitchy workplace
After further consideration we would actually like to offer her the job
And Lily's like
No thanks
Well hopefully now that she's been on a current affair
Or the seven sharp or whatever it's called over there,
she'll get a job out of it maybe.
Yeah.
Well, she had a great resume.
She was just judged on selfies and they're like...
And they've put pictures of her there.
She doesn't look like...
They're cute selfies.
Yeah, they're not...
If she's like being judged like that, then we all are.
Great.
I know people that put their photo on their CV.
Again, hot people or people that think they're hot.
But it's like, why would you do that?
Because people will judge.
If someone was applying for a job and you saw their picture,
you'd instantly judge them whether or not you meant to or not
or it's the right thing to do or not.
You would, wouldn't you?
Yeah, but you can't help that. That's just
automatic. But then
saying it out loud is a completely different
situation. Yeah, but like, even if you were like,
okay, so when you hear you're like, they're unattractive
or attractive to me, it doesn't, you'd still
be like, okay, well, they're great for the job though.
Wouldn't you?
Well, yeah, if they're great for the job, of course.
It doesn't really matter if you find them attractive or not.
Oh, doesn't it?
I'm not starting a business.
And look, you're absolutely the worst candidate for the job,
but nine out of ten, so welcome aboard.
Fact of the day, day'm out of room on my Google Drive.
Even though I have changed to free unlimited storage of high quality photos.
Does that not include videos?
You are so useless.
We were trying to email you the other day and your mailbox has been full for like a week.
No, my mailbox has been full since March 15.
And I was like, it's cool how everyone's just stopped spamming me on Gmail,
but it wasn't.
It was full, so everything was bouncing back.
I'm not buying storage.
I already buy storage online because I was too lazy to clean out my other
email inbox.
I was like, I'd rather pay $5 a month for eternity than deal with that situation.
I'm not,
but then,
okay,
I don't know.
I'll just leave that.
How important is email?
Right,
someone will call me
and I won't answer,
so text or message on Facebook.
God,
you stress me out.
Today's fact of the day
is about
the ugliest colour in the world.
Okay.
Orange.
Have we done this
for fact of the day? Every now and then I'll say, have we? Done the ugliest colour in the world. Okay. Orange. Have we done this for Fact of the Day?
I think we have.
Every now and then I'll say,
have we done the ugliest colour in the world?
Say what the answer is and I'll tell you.
Because sometimes I get Deja Vu
and I'm like, nah, that's not a thing.
I'm the one that always remembers.
Okay, so it's, no you don't.
It's a drab dark brown.
It's Pantone 448C.
Yeah, we've done this.
We've definitely done this.
About how it's used for cigarette packaging and the hoping of putting people offC. Yeah, we've done this. Yeah, we've definitely done this. About how it's used for cigarette packaging
and the hoping of putting people off smoking.
Yeah.
It does seem like we've done that before.
Really?
And I feel like at the time I said orange
and then you were like brown
and I was like, no, yeah, brown's pretty gross.
Yeah, okay.
We'll just do it.
We'll do that whole conversation again
and pretend it never happened.
Yeah, we could just pretend we never had that conversation.
You want to pretend we never had that conversation. You wouldn't pretend we never had that conversation.
I think orange is the ugliest colour.
Well, no, it's not, Megan.
It's described as a darkish...
I can't repeat one, though.
That's not...
I don't believe it's happened in the...
Yeah, no.
Well, if you've got a backup.
This is embarrassing.
I'm just going into the fact archives.
Is this why your Google Drive's full?
The fact archives.
Yeah, the fact archives.
Very gigabyte heavy, the fact archives.
Okay, here's one.
Okay.
In 1252, a polar bear lived in the Tower of London.
Have we done that one?
Have you?
No.
No, I don't think so.
Really?
Yeah, a polar bear.
It was a gift from the King of Norway.
He gifted what?
You think we've done this one?
I don't remember that.
No, neither.
I think I'd remember a polar bear living in the River Thames.
So it lived in the Tower of London to go swimming in the River Thames.
It was a gift from the King of Norway in 1252.
There must have been
some sort of
congratulatory
situation
I wouldn't have
wanted to be on
the Viking ship
transporting the polar bear
yeah
you'd want a sturdy cage
yeah
you'd want a very
hefty cage
but of course
it was a time
where you could
privately own
quite the menagerie
of animals
there was also
the royal wolves that were
kept. Elephants
kept nearby,
not in the Tower of London, but on a spot very
nearby. And of course lions, I mean you still see
those in a zoo every now and then, don't you? Yeah.
But this polar bear, yeah, would swim around in the
Thames and come back.
1252. So today's
fact of the day,
pulled out of the first aid kit under the seat in the
car, that's where you keep it in case you come across
an accident on the side of the road and someone needs a bandage
is that in 1252
the King of Norway
gave the British Royals a
polar bear as a present and he used to live in the Tower of London.
Fact of
the day, day, day, day, day, day.
ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.
Yesterday, I was throwing to Vaughan Smith at the news desk.
There you go, thank you.
Yesterday after the show, I don't even know what got us onto talking about this, but we
were talking about...
I think it was food, wasn't it?
Oh, it was like restaurants.
We were talking about Nando's.
Yeah, that's right.
That's right.
We were talking about Nando's.
Talking about food.
And we were saying how there's a Nando's by where Megan and I live.
Yeah.
And Megan was explaining to me where it is, and she said, it's by that other place, the Goody Brothers.
And I said, you mean the Good Brothers?
And she said, no, the Goody Brothers.
G-O-O-D-E.
Goody Brothers.
I was like, no, Megan.
It's the Good Brothers.
It's a surname, the E.
It's a silent E.
Everyone knows that.
Well, it's not silent.
We had an English term for it.
It's not silent.
It does do something.
Good.
Good.
Where did you, did you hear me say the E? Yeah, but also when you write good, you don't put an E on the end. No, because that's the word It does do something. Good. Good. Where did you, did you hear me say the E?
Yeah, but also when you write good,
you don't put an E on the end.
No, because that's the name.
It's the word, not the name.
So the E was probably added
to differentiate between the word
and the name.
But it's so silent.
Well, so thank you for calling me out
in front of a bunch of people.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
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You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You're welcome.
You're welcome. never ever seen the name Hermione before. Right. I'd never heard it and I'd never seen it. Yeah.
So in my mind, and this didn't dwell on me until I saw the movies,
and she introduces herself, I'm Hermione Granger.
I'm like, no, you're Hermoine Granger.
What's this Hermione business?
I've been calling you Hermoine for two bucks.
We were like, oh, that's a really unfortunate name.
Yeah, Hermoine. I was like, it almost sounds like a female version of a hemorrhoid.
Yeah.
Like, oh, I've got Hermoins.
Oh, have you?
Shit.
What from?
Sitting on wet concrete?
Straining too hard while you're trying to poo?
In my mind, Hermoin and Granger.
And it took me so long to start actually correctly identifying her as Hermione
when reading the word when it was written down.
Because I'd only ever seen it written and I'd never heard it said.
What's happened all the time with books is that you're not sure how to say a name
so you just roll with it in your head.
Yeah.
And then like a movie comes out and you're like, oh God, I can't get past it.
You know.
She'll always be Hermoine to you.
In my mind, if you said Hermoine Granger, I'd totally let it slide because it's right.
But because I only ever saw it written down, much like Megan had never said that restaurant's name out loud to the restaurant
or obviously rung them or dealt with them in any fashion other than seeing their sign
because you thought they were the Goody Brothers.
Yeah, it's not like you go there and they're like,
welcome to Goody Brothers, good brothers.
Oh, I'm never going to be able to say that.
Goody's cuter.
It is a bit cuter.
Have you had anyone mispronounce your cafe name?
Beaufort. Beaufort. Beaufort, yeah. Everyone calls it Beaufort. Because it's cuter. It is a bit cuter. Have you had anyone mispronounce your cafe name? Beaufort.
Beaufort.
Beaufort, yeah.
Beaufort.
Everyone calls it Beaufort.
Because it's Beauford.
Because it's like a South African.
But then you say, it's spelt like beautiful, eh?
The first bit of beautiful, isn't it?
So you'd say Beauford.
Beaufort.
Beaufort.
Beaufort.
Yeah.
Beauford and Cody.
You can't correct people because you look like a dude.
Oh, you just let it roll.
Yeah.
As long as they're buying a muffin, eh?
Call your cafe something sensible.
Like, I don't know, Megan's Cafe or something.
No one's getting that wrong, are they?
Yeah.
Doesn't sound as exquisite though, does it?
No.
Megan's Cafe sounds like you'd have dry muffins.
I was going to say you'd want to go for Megan's Muffins,
but then you've got to make sure your muffins are good.
Yeah.
Because they're in the title.
But I want to know what you've been, what you said wrong
because you'd only ever seen it written down.
Oh, and maybe there was that moment
where in front of like, you know,
a group of people, someone corrects you.
Yeah, thanks.
Or you realise.
Imagine applying for a job at a place
and you didn't know anybody,
but you were getting emails from this person sorting it
and in your head, you're like,
that's how their name goes.
And then you say it out loud
and they're like, that's how my name goes.
Oh yeah, that would be horrible.
That would be horrible.
Yeah.
All right, 0800-DANCE-AT-M, 9696.
Give us a call or a text.
What did you say wrong?
Because you only ever saw it written down.
Little Naz X, Billy Ray Cyrus.
Great song.
Makes me want to buy some R.M. Williams.
Remember when I wanted to buy R.M. Williams a few years ago?
What's R.M. Williams? R.M. Williams, few years ago? What's R.M. Williams?
R.M. Williams, those wicked boots, Australian.
Did you just call something wicked?
Wicked, that's so good.
Williams.
Yeah, and everyone was like,
yeah, buddy, buy R.M. Williams.
You don't live in Canterbury on a bloody beef and shake ranch.
You're not going into town for the weekly supplies.
Fill up the ute with diesel.
The ute does look ridiculous in those.
Those boots with the little tag on the back that you've got to pull on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Damn right.
Yes.
And then Georgia's got some.
Georgia from the night show is filling in for Belle.
She's got some.
She's from Canterbury.
Oh, she is too.
She's allowed them.
It's the Canterbury uniform.
Have you got them on?
She's got her RNs on.
Look at how good they look like she wants to bloody get out there and ride a horse.
On the Old Town Road.
Yeah.
On the Old Town Road.
Exactly.
We're talking about what you said wrong out loud because you'd only ever seen it written
down.
Oh, there are some great messages and calls.
It's really good man chuckle.
Somebody said, a girl I follow on Instagram who proudly claims herself a food blogger
said gnocchi, gnocchi, and that she was making some coulis.
And some quinoa.
And some quinoa.
Quinoa, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
Somebody else said that they will never be let down,
they'll never be let to live it down
when they called a dog a chihuahua.
Because I say chihuahua as a joke.
You always say that as a joke. Yeah yeah um all right we'll take some calls
megan would you like to is it te reiki yeah that's me nailed it what word did you say wrong
because you'd only ever seen it written down all right so we're flex i used to work at a quiz night
and at the barber in june and one quiz night I wasn't focusing.
I've mucked up on heaps of words.
And, yeah, so I was reading this question,
and I said debut instead of debut.
Debut.
You flashed it up.
It just sounds like you flashed it up.
Yeah.
Debut.
But you're right.
It is spelt weird, isn't it?
Debut.
Debut, isn't it?
Debut. Debut. isn't it? Debut.
Debut.
I was doing a quiz night before,
and I guess there's some questions about some artists or something,
and I have to be like, does anyone know this?
Yeah, exactly, mate.
You get those stuff mixed up all the time.
Easy mistake to make.
Thanks, you call Megan.
What word did you get wrong?
Because you'd only seen it written down.
Hi.
A few years back, I got a bit sick
and Googled my symptoms, as every good New Zealander does.
Yep.
And I had chronic fatitude.
I had chronic fatitude for years until my husband actually told me to show him the word.
And he was like, you know that's fatigue, right?
Fatitude.
I was like, oh.
Fatitude.
Oh, wow.
Fatitude.
Wow. It was a chronic illness, guys. Yeahitude. Oh, wow. Fatitude. Wow.
It was a chronic illness, guys, but I got through it.
You powered on through.
Thank you for your call.
Do we have the Colonial Sanders?
The Colonial Sanders.
Yeah, somebody said they, in front of a whole restaurant of people at KFC,
pronounced him the Colonial Sanders.
Yeah.
And everybody laughed.
And half of the people thought I did it on purpose,
which was probably the best outcome I could have hoped for.
Someone was joking.
Somebody said facade.
I'd only ever seen it written down facade.
And I pronounced it facade.
Yeah, it's the Italian.
Someone said my missus was making a real stand
and she was up on her high horse making a speech
and she was like, ha, touchy.
She meant touche.
Touchy.
And it just ruined all of her
great work.
You probably had to wait to bring that up
though, eh? Not at that time.
Not at that time.
Somebody else said there was a soccer
competition growing up called the FA Cup.
Yeah. But they did a soccer speech
at school and pronounced it the fuck up in front
of everybody.
The teacher, once they stopped laughing,
told me
that we were saying, I'd said that wrong.
Someone wants to know, and this is
a good question, I just avoid saying the
suburb of Christchurch.
Brindwer.
Brindwer.
Producer James.
Our senior Christchurch correspondent.
I said the Brindewans.
That's the hills up north.
That's where you're like, oh, yeah,
I'll meet you at the other side of the Brindwer.
But it's similar.
It's Brindwer.
Brindwer.
Yeah.
Is it Welsh or something?
Brindwer.
They're missing some vowels. No, Brindwer. Brindwer. Oh, yeah, there's not many vowels in it. I can E in a Rono. Brindwer. Brindwa. Yeah. Is it Welsh or something? Brindwa. They're missing some vowels.
No, Brindwa.
Brindwa.
Yeah, there's not many vowels in it.
I can E and a R on O.
Brindwa.
Brindwa.
Brindwa.
Brindwa.
Brindwa.
Spell that?
Yeah, you'd be forever spelling.
Somebody said,
in high school cooking class,
I had to get up and speak in front of the class
and I pronounced spatula spatula.
I never heard it said.
Going to get a spatula.
Yeah.
Somebody said, oh, I once had to describe the colour of the car.
I described it as matty black.
Mat black.
Analysis.
Only ever seen it written down.
Never heard anybody say it.
Pronounce it to the class as anal wises.
Brilliant.
Yeah.
So many. So many good ones. Tell me what word. This is how someone thought it was pronounced, it to the class as anal wises. Brilliant. Yeah.
So many.
So many good ones.
Tell me what word,
this is how someone thought it was pronounced,
but see if you can guess
what the word is.
Guacamole.
Guacamole.
Guacamole.
That's how I would
only ask for guacamole.
And we would like
the table side
Guacamole.
Followed up
with some vagitas.
Big fan of the vagitas.
That is Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. followed up with some vagitas. Yeah. Big fan of the vagitas.