ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 05 2018

Episode Date: November 4, 2018

Megan caught on fire in the weekend, Mosh Monday and your relationship goalsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Someone swam around Great Britain. Why didn't they pick a nice country to swim around? Like Fiji. Yeah, like an island in the Bahamas or something.

Or the Canary Islands. Yeah. Well, that's mental. I know they had a record hot summer, but still had to go around the top of Scotland. Six-hour days. That was balmy. What would that be on average? If that's two... How many k's did you say?

2,883. It's nearly 3,000 k's. You just wee in your wetsuit, don't you? Oh, you'd be done. Yeah, but it goes, water goes purple. Sadly, you'd be probably just taking a poo in your wetsuit. By the end of it, you'd be so comfortable with the whole situation. Oh, my God.

God, I get bored just swimming for half an hour. I know. I hope they had some of those waterproof headphones and a Bluetooth iPod close by. They would have had a support boat and all that, I'd imagine, too. Oh, how boring would that have been on the boat, going so slow?

I don't know. I mean, good on them. I mean, what did I do at the weekend? Nothing. A bunch of nothing. Well, what have you done this year? Oh, way to make me feel good. What have you done? Well, nothing, but I don't want to do anything. So, wait a minute. What have you done?

Well, nothing, but I don't want to do anything. So I achieved my goal. So you've done, that's it, set the bar low and you'll not fail, children. I'm fine being unremarkable.

All right, story time coming up. The top six as well. Yeah, today's top six. The top six, makeup. You might just have it

hanging around the house. This is a story from the BBC. A woman saying she went in to get makeup, and they didn't have any that suited her skin tone. She was dark. Yeah. So they used hot chocolate. I knew.

Now, I don't even know if that's possible. To me, that seems like a sticky mess that's only going to attract ants. But what do I know? All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time. Three news headlines for three news stories that I found.

Unusual, quirky, weird, odd news stories from around the world. Vaughn and Megan pick one of the following three headlines. The others are deleted forever. Headline one, aggressive seal team traps fishermen. Headline two, my hump, my hump, my lovely speedy humps. And headline three, botched boob job leaves mum with farty breast. Oh, farty breast.

You can tell that headline's from a UK tabloid. They love a botched boob. This isn't the story because there's a New Zealand woman in the headlines. No. She went to Turkey. Of all places. For a boob job. Of all places. I guess they do boob jobs. But I don't know why Turkey. Why not

your traditional Sri Lanka? Or yeah, Thailand. Yeah. And it's gone very poorly for her, this boob job. But it's not her. Or her, this bird job. So what, is it leaking or something? No, it's just infections and everything. The wound's never healed properly. So, not her.

No, not her. This is a different one. Okay. This is just a farty breast. So there's like air in there. There's air and I go... Yeah. I'd say so.

Great gag. The kids would love that one. A whoopee cushion on your chest. So there's that, or there's the lovely speedy humps, or the aggressive seal team trapping fishermen. So that's just seals of surrounded fishermen. Yeah. But like Navy seal.

Yeah, I'm two. Speedy bumps, lumps, humps. Happy with that, Megan? Yeah. Okay, all right. Check it out. We go to Florida now. Drive this crazy.

And Catherine Padilla, she's 54. Of course she is. She is a caregiver for the elderly who lives in an area that's near a school and people speed down a road. You'd be well aware of this. This is born. This is born. I live on a school, on a road.

I don't live at a school. That's weird. I live on a school, on a road. I don't live at a school. That's weird. I live on a road with a school and people do speed. And there are no speed bumps on your road, are there? Correct. And you would be a fan of speed bumps. Yes. Because they slow the traffic down. But I don't think you're getting them because it's like a bus.

There's a bus thing. That's what they've told me. That's why it doesn't. So you have complained. Yeah, I've asked. Multiple times. The neighbours have as well, but they say yeah, because it's a bus thing. Well, Catherine wanted the speed bumps so she went and befriended the local mayor.

This is Florida in a place called Lantana, Florida. The mayor there, Dave, he's been the mayor since 2000. She befriended the mayor. Okay. In the hope of getting speed bumps outside her place.

Okay. Well, she advocated for the speed bumps on her street. Yeah. She's like, hey, buddy. Yeah. And he said, well, like, long story short, basically, if you sleep with me, I'll give you the speed bumps. Dang. and he said, well, like, long story short, basically, if you sleep with me, I'll give you the speed bumps. She, of course, said, no, Mayor, that would not be okay.

That would be inappropriate. And repeatedly has received calls from the Mayor saying that she could change her mind and sleep with him in exchange for the speed bumps. So is Dave still Mayor? Was she, she like really hot and he was sacrificing a long and like

happy political career or is this not the first time? Look at him. Look at him. Oh, Dave. Or was he just ready to call it a day?

Let's not judge her. Let's look at him. I think Dave might have done it before. No, no, no. I don't want to think I'm judging her. I'm just thinking

did he lose his mind because an attractive woman like was finally talking to him? I don't actually to think I'm judging her. I'm just thinking, did he lose his mind because an attractive woman was finally talking to him? I don't actually have a picture of her. Okay. But this is, it's still ongoing. Apparently, they need to either settle a case or agree to a trial. And if it's found that he violated statutes,

he could be removed from office. But more than likely, we'll just get a $10,000 fine. Could be removed from office. That seems like he should be removed from office. Well, it's America. The president's way worse. Yeah. Setting this new precedent.

Oh my God. I know. But yeah, so she hasn't agreed to the speed bumps and hasn't slept with him. If he gets found guilty, can she get the speed bumps as well? We'd hope so.

See, if I was him, I'd just put the speed bumps in and then be like, look, and you didn't even have to sleep with me, so let's just call this whole thing off. But probably still text her and say, you guys are going crazy, and then you're like, two o'clock on Saturday morning,

it's like, hey, baby, remember the speed bumps? And she'll be like, oh, we're going to have to get them back on the phone, aren't we, Dave? He's like, I'm coming. They're going to try all those new speed cameras they've been talking about. Not the old hair and arrow. Not the one point you're speeding as you go past me.

Click, boom, gotcha. Those ones would point to point speed cameras. So I've seen these in Australia. They've got them around the world in different places. But in Australia, they freak me out because there's a huge thing over the road. Like when you go through a toll road. Yeah. And every lane has a camera on it. And then like a K or five Ks later, there's another tower over the road with cameras.

And they average your speed. Yeah. Between the two points. And if you've been speeding, you've got an average speed of whatever they decide, then you get a ticket. So they know how long it would take you to get from point A to point B. When you go through the first one, it snaps your license plate and it's like at this exact time, this license plate went through here.

And then at the other end of it, if you go through and it means your average speed was over 105 k's to get there, meaning that you may have gone as slow as 80, but you may have also gone as fast as like 120, 130. So if you... They'll click you. If you go on 120 and you forget, you just pull over before the camera and have a little Or just go 50. Have a little break.

I don't know. You suddenly slow down to 50. You're crawling just before you get to the camera. Yeah. Someone will do some maths. How long it needs to take you to get between point to point. Great formats. Yeah, great.

To use maths in a practical day. Like you said to the teacher, I'll never use this average thing. Well, you will now. You will now. Try to work out how fast you have to go to make up for the fact that you sped back there a little bit. So rumours that these were going to be trialled.

So next year it's happening. In Auckland for a start and a six-month trial. And even though it is a trial, tickets will be issued. Because often if it's a trial, they don't issue tickets. So next year it's happening. In Auckland for a start and a six month trial and even though it is a trial, tickets will be issued because often if it's a trial, they don't issue tickets. They just see how it works but they're like, nah, we'll pay for this

while we're doing it. It's going to be in the Waterview Tunnel in Auckland. This is a good news for South Islanders and anyone who doesn't live in Auckland.

It's not you guys. It's not, nah. Although if that trial works, I'm assuming. It'll roll out nationwide in known areas where where speed is an issue not just the one spot where a traditional speed camera could sit right but over a period uh over a distance so yeah from start to end by the looks of it on the wood of your tunnel and also uh at the part where that motorway that the wood of your tunnel feeds rejoins stat highwaythoe 1 by Rambo's End.

Oh, okay, around there. Yeah. Or that Vero water park that every time I drive past, literally every time I drive past, I say out loud, I must try that. It's a white water, the rapids. I want to go there too. We should do a thing. You became Megan, you love adventure.

Shut up. I don't. You became Megan, you love adventure. Shut up. I don't. You don't. You don't like adventure. What are you talking about? I don't like going for stupid bush walks with you. You're not a huge adventure fan. You know, like, what?

I don't go to a water park. No, but you wouldn't drive past that and be like. I've never seen it before. How's it because you literally drove past it twice in the weekend. No, you're not starting this at 6.18 that I don't like adventure. What are you talking about? That sort of adventure. Going to a water park.

No, but it's not a water park. It's like full on Whitewater Rapids. What are you? I've done that before. You know nothing about me. She doesn't like it. She doesn't like adventure. You guys are so full of shit. Why don't you come up the mountain

with us? Because I don't like walking up a freaking mountain. Because you don't like adventure. Oh my god, you're pissing me off. It's like 20 past 6. You didn't come up the mountain with us last week. Because I don't like walking up a mountain with you, especially. I like to do things without you. It was quite a pleasurable walk up, wasn't it, Caitlin?

Every day I spend with you, I like to do a lot of things without you. That's about me. Caitlin, you're back at heart. Because I get shit all the time. She doesn't like adventure. Megan, I know exactly what you mean. And right now, I would rather not hang out with these guys anymore than we have to. So, Megan, you and I can go on our own.

Do you know what? I probably would have walked up the mount if you weren't walking up the mount. Yes. That's how I live my life. I do the opposite to what you do. But we're great to walk up the mount, weren't we, Caitlin? Yes, so much fun. There was a lot of alcohol that weekend that got me through.

What? What? Not when we went up the mount. I'm talking last week when we went up the mountain. Yes, so much fun. There was a lot of alcohol that weekend that got me through. What? What? Not when we went up I'm talking last week when we went up Mount Monganui. Oh yeah, that was fun. I thought you were

talking about that one. That was adventure. It was good adventure. Yeah, yeah. Good adventure. Megan, you're alright. Okay, well you can come with us to the water park.

We'll have adventure. I don't want to go with you to the water park. I will go when you're not there. No, she doesn't want to go because she doesn't like adventure. We're just going to have to watch our speed on the water park. I will go when you're not there. No, she doesn't want to go because she doesn't like adventure. We're just going to have to watch our speed on the way there. Oh, my God.

Because it's point to point. I feel my blood pressure rising. I know. FEM. There's a scam that is actually a problem in New Zealand that we need to talk about, and it is sextortion. If I received this email, you know most of them, you're like, oh, auntie, you've been sucked into them, you're like, oh, auntie,

you've been sucking into that. You're like, how did you get sucking into that? This one, there's a reason why everyone is

believing that it's legit. So, you are, this is, they've used Dave as an example, obviously a fake name. So,

Dave, this thing's like, oh. It's even got Dave Asterix, I think, down the bottom. It's probably going to say it's a made up name.

So, Dave said that he received an email. It was even got Dave Asterix, I think, on the bottom. It's probably going to say it's a made-up name. Okay. So Dave said that he received an email. It was sent to his work email. It had one of the passwords in the subject line. So that was his password. So he was like, well, this is legit. They know me. They know me. They're watching.

The message said they had webcam footage of me watching porn. And unless I paid them three grand in Bitcoin, they'd send the video to all my friends and colleagues. Which is untraceable too, Bitcoin, isn't it? Right. You can get that and you'd be away. No one would be able to find you. Yeah. So if you got an email and it had your password and the subject line.

But also, Bitcoin isn't what it was a year ago. But still, it's still untraceable. True. So these scammers are using data that's been leaked. So they do have your password. So actual data that's from like a famous leak from the last year or two, using your actual password.

So that makes people think that... Oh my God, they do have this footage. They're able to... These details. Right, okay. And so some people are being scammed into money. There's other people who, like females, who are getting scammed into sending lewd pictures every day

to the scammers. Oh, and then you're actually giving them something they can blackmail you with. Yeah. Versus something that didn't exist in the first place. But apparently they're getting hundreds and hundreds of calls, NetSafe, they're getting hundreds of calls in New Zealand about this every day.

It's a major problem. And so what? People are freaking out because Dave, for example, is like, I cannot let my parents or my work colleagues see me fapping off. Yeah, friends and family. And so then Dave obviously has. Well, but everyone has, haven't they?

Dave's like, jokes on you. I always take the webcam off and put it face down on the desk. Yeah. So I guess they're saying it's not an issue. Like you need to maybe call them and say I'm being scammed. So you can continue to play with yourself and safety and privacy. Yeah, I guess so. So has this ever happened?

Or is this the whole vibe of that in Urban Legend? What? Being filmed on your laptop. That people have sent it to friends and family. That people can access cameras and laptops and phones and tablets. I don't know. Okay. Because you'd have to install something, right,

so they can get into it. Because the light would be on. Most of them have a light, don't they? So the light would come off. At least they'd find a way to disable that. And then we're screwed. Well, I just remember back in the day when we were at school, when computers were like, you know, people had them in their houses,

but there weren't like, no one had laptops and stuff. Yeah. That you could send your mate a photo, but it wasn't. It was like this Trojan thing. Yeah. And then you could like randomly open their CD drive and stuff and they'd freak out. So like with the way it's advanced, surely now you can be like,

hey, I'm opening this movie. You send it to them and it's a thing. Yeah. And then you could access their webcam. Cool. Don't say that. Just put tape over your webcam. Another reason to, yeah, because then they've just got the sound

and no, they could be anybody. Giving themselves a nice talking to during which. You know how baby names go round in kind of trends? Yep. Name Berry is a place that can predict name trends. So they can't predict like if there's going to be, like, a famous character that influences names, you know, like a TV show,

or like a Daenerys Targaryen. I know, I was going to say, like, Game of Thrones or Twilight or any popular TV show. They obviously can't bring that into consideration because they don't know what's going to come out. But they can predict cycles. So the names always go through cycles,

and in 2028, they have made a list of names that they think will be popular. But they can predict cycles. So the names always go through cycles. And in 2028, they have made a list of names that they think will be popular. So when were these names last popular? They are, a lot of them, actually some of them are still popular, but some of them were quite big when we were at school. Right. Especially number one is a bit like, oh, really? Are we ready for that to be popular again is it Rebecca actually Rebecca's

not in there don't you don't say that name like that no I just said that's really popular oh yeah you were like

who's that Rebecca like there's so many Rebecca's who are like ouch bitch don't spank me like actually I was just thinking like names when we were

at school there were always lots of Rebecca's but there still are oh you don't see many babies called Rebecca anymore do do you? No.

Well, it does go in cycles, doesn't it? It does. But like Tiffany's, is that on your list? No. I was going to say because, yeah, I had a chat with a mate the other day. I had a few Tiffany's. But you don't see any Tiffany's anymore, eh? Like there was heaps of them at school.

Where do they all go? They all die. And it's not as if it's like trashy because like Tiffany's is a high-end jewellery brand. But then like you wouldn't call your kid Dolce and Gabbana and expect it to not be trashy. Megan said you wouldn't. So the top 10 actually has both of your girls' middle names in there. Mine? Yeah.

Okay. But they're very, even now, they're very popular now. Yeah. So these are the baby names that they predict will be popular in 2028, so are very popular now. Yeah. So these are the baby names that they predict will be popular in 2028, so 10 years from now. Okay. Sophia's 10. Ava is number 9.

Yeah. August Ava. Eight is Aria. Seven, Mia. Six, Evelyn. And that's kind of old school, right? Evelyn, yeah. Five, Olivia. I had lots of Olivias when I was in school. Olivia's still massive. Still a massive name for kids.

Four, Emma. Three is Harper, which is Indy's middle name, right? Yeah. Two is Amelia and number one is probably the most traditional out of the lot, Charlotte. That's really similar to what it is like now. Yeah, I wouldn't say it's hugely different and that probably has grown in popularity

because of Prince's Charlotte, right? Yes. Yeah. Generally when the royals... Do they have any boys' names or just girls' names? There's no Keith in there? Is that going to make a comeback? Do you want Dave, Keith? Oh, yeah, okay. So, top ten boys. I'll roll through them quick.

Olivia, Oliver, sorry. I was going to say Olivia. Oliver, Jackson, Theodore, Henry, Lucas, Lincoln, Noah, which has been, Noah's been number one for a long time, right? Noah's been around the top 10 for a while. Maverick. Maverick. DJ Maverick.

We had DJ Maverick at the school we went to last week. In Tauranga. Maverick is a name. I would not have thought they would have got top 10. He was super cute. And then when I learned his name was Maverick,

I was like, yeah. He was stroppy in the end though I don't know what happened. Maybe he was wanting to play some more dance floor bangers and get it right up dancing after they'd eaten. Two, Mateo.

And number one, Liam. Liam's always up there, isn't it? Yeah. Liam's always scanning around. Well, there you go. If you're planning on having some kids in 10 years, those will be the biggest names.

Avoid them or go with them? They weren't bad, were they? You want to be different, you know? What's my kid's name? Lorenz. Lorenz. There's no other than Lorenz. Yeah.

The Top Six with Vaughn Smith. Hello there and welcome to today's top six. There's a story out of the UK that a children's TV presenter claims, her name's London, that the BBC put hot chocolate on her face as makeup as they didn't have the right products to match her black skin tone, as she said. I didn't know it was like a professional. I thought someone had done it at home. Oh my God.

No, no, no, no, no. She was a regular on Blue Peter, which is like Britain's What Now, really. It's been around forever. Yeah. And everybody watches it when they're a kid. She said it was almost farcical, she said. And it demonstrated how the broadcasters are falling behind on diversity. And she said she encounters a lot of well-intentioned racism,

where she said it's just like everyday racism. She said people don't even know that they're doing it, but it's racist. Did they show a picture? No, she didn't take a picture of it. No, no, no, no. She also said that she was encouraged, they needed some content, they wanted some content for the Radio 4,

like a radio sitcom, like a radio play. Yeah. And she was encouraged to write it about, based on how her parents came over from Africa on a boat, and she said they didn't, they've been here for like eight generations. Oh my God, come on. She said lots of this sort of stuff just happens to...

What? Broadcasters that don't fit the typical bill of white, British-looking broadcasters. Right. So she said, yeah, she's just kind of doing a bit of a story about, you know, with the best of intention, sure, but you've got to work a bit better. Make people aware.

And putting hot chocolate on her face as makeup would probably be the Everest of the situation. We're laughing because that's just so appalling. I don't know if that's a thing. It seems like it would get sticky if you sweated. And you'd smell like Milo. Or cocoa. But it's got sugar in it.

But not unsweetened. I used some unsweetened cocoa at the weekend for a vegan pudding. I don't want to talk about it but I'm vegan now. I'm not. But it's so powdery.

Like you open the bag too quickly and cocoa goes oh we're out of here. And also if you get a like if you get that up your nose it's like pepper

you're gone. You sneeze-o. Yeah. So the top six make-ups you might just have lying around the house, if you're short. Okay. Number six, at the opposite end from the hot chocolate cocoa situation, for our fairer-skinned friends, icing sugar.

Icing sugar foundation. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, just dip the brush in there. Just a little powder. Again, like if there's any moisture, you're just going to get sticky. It's going to get very sticky. And then ants on your face. It's the last

thing you want when you're on TV. Ants on your face. Yeah. Ma'am, if I could just stop you there, do you have ants on your face? It seems I do, yes. Number five on the list of the top six make-ups you could just have lying around the house. Blusher. Heck, I'm out of blusher. Beetroot juice.

Pop open a can of beetroot juice. Yeah. That blusher will last. How do you get that to nicely... It's not a good blend, though. No. Yeah, like it just stains where you put it. Yeah, I know.

You've got to go super light. Maybe dilute it with some water. That's a great idea. You're welcome. Good idea. Dilution is the solution. Number four on the list of the top six makeups you might just have lying around the house.

Oh heck, that little brush that I dip in something and then like mascara up my eyelashes and my eyebrows is empty. Whatever will I use? Why are you dipping it and using it as mascara? You mean eyeshadow? No, you dip it in it, you pull it out,

and it's got the brush on it, and then you... Oh, like mascara. Yeah, mascara, and then you do it in your eyebrows too, don't you? Or is that two different products? No, that's two different products. Who knew? Anyway, I'm out of that stuff. What could I use instead?

I know. Soy sauce. Dip, dip, dip in the soy sauce. You wouldn't want it to rain. No, that would run. You did right. You did right, actually. Good rain. No, that would run. You did right. You did right, actually. Good point.

Your tears would be saltier than usual. Very high sodium content in soy sauce. Yes. If we're talking about the eye area, number three, if you're out of eyeliner, you could always use Marmite. You probably actually could. I don't know if it sinks, though.

It's just going to stay sticky all day. It's a real thin Marmite. Yeah. It might work a trick. Would that sting if you all day. It's a real thin Marmite. Yeah. It might work a trick. Would that sting if you got it in your eye? Probably. Marmite. I don't know.

I've never had Marmite in the eye. Me neither. I'm willing to try it. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six make-ups you could just have lying around the house. Strawberry jam as lipstick. Or any jam, really. There's lots of colours in the jam range.

Or did you ever eat, like, jelly crystals when you were a kid? Yeah, and it stains. And they stain your tongue and stuff. Oh, yeah. You could do jelly crystals in there and then just put the lip into the mouth one at a time. Get a nice little stain on there. Yeah. And the number one in today's top six of make-ups, you might just have lying around the house.

For a highlighter, you could literally use a highlighter. I don't know. Yellow? Unless you're like hot. If you were like really pink, that would probably work. Yeah. You have to be really, really pink. That's today's top six.

You guys nearly lost me over the weekend. I hope you appreciate me today. I don't think we would have lost you more as though we might have had to go to see you in hospital today. So I went to Taupo to celebrate my friend's birthday. We got a lovely Airbnb. This is important. Now, who is his friend?

Jackie. Ali. Jackie. Jackie. Just say her name. Jackie, who you've met before. Oh, which Jackie is it? My, not my, Nelson Jackie. Okay, Nelson Jackie, that's because that's who I was thinking of.

Auckland Jackie. Have I met her? Was she at your party at your house? She was at my wedding. She was at the party at your house. What was she wearing? It's just weird when you do stuff that's not with us and these other friends have never heard of.

Well, you should have heard of them because you've literally met them. You should have put her in the photo you put up. There's about 18 photos that involve her. Oh, my God, you guys are annoying me today. Christ. We know. We know, Megan. We know.

So Jackie is her name, and she was celebrating her 25th birthday over the weekend. What are you doing with friends so young? Why don't you ask Fletch that? I don't think Fletcher would call those people friends, Megan. Short-term acquaintances would be the polite way of putting it. Everyone I was hanging out with at the weekend was old. Don't call them old. They might was old. Don't call them old.

I appreciate that. They're listening. Don't call them old. No, they're still in Australia. Don't worry. Oh, okay, good. So, we went to Taupo and we rented, rented, do you say rented an Airbnb?

Yeah, got an Airbnb. It was a beautiful house. This is important because we had like a little high tea at the house. Ooh, la la. It got like beautiful set up. We had like cakes and all kinds of things. With candles on the table, it was very ooh la la. Yeah.

And with a set up like that, you have to take selfies. Of course. And so we were taking lots of pictures of the set up. We were taking pictures of each other. We were doing boomerangs. And you know how it takes a bit to get a good boomy? Yeah, you've got to take a few takes. Yeah.

Because Fletch always repeats the action, but you just do the action once and then the phone repeats it for you. Yeah, so I was wearing a big fluffy coat. I know your big fluffy coat. Yeah, my grey fluffy coat. Remember when she got the coat and someone else got the coat and then there was like multiple people with the coats and she's like, I wish I'd never got the coat. I know, but I think I'm the only one with the grey one.

Everyone else got the black one. Okay. Anyway, wearing the big fluffy coat and was taking a boomerang. So my arm was out in front of me, not paying attention to my arm, paying attention to the actions we were doing. And when I put my arm down, I realised that the big fluffy coat had met the candle in the middle of the table. And you were on fire. Not even exaggerating when there was,

I'm saying that the flames were going up from my arm. You're like a stunt woman. I was in a nice house and very far away from the kitchen, very far away from any water. And so I had a moment where I was like, I don't know what to do. And I just froze. I just probably pat it with my hand or just on the ground, just stamp it.

Carpet. But then that's on someone's carpet, but then. It's on the Airbnb's carpet. Better than you burning to, burning and getting a. And then everything on the table, highly flammable.

So I couldn't put it on the table and bang it out. So that's when the birthday girl, Jackie, gets her bare hand and whacks these. Oh no, I wouldn't have.

Quite considerable flames. No. I would not have done that, considerable flames and packs out my on firearms. You're obviously not a high tier friend to it because she wasn't your bridesmaid was she? Like you know, you'd only be doing that for a

close friend wouldn't you? She is a close friend. Padding out someone's fire. There was only like eight of us there. I was one of them. If you'd already had your wedding and I wasn't in your bridal party, I wouldn't be sitting putting you out if you were on fire. No. You made a choice.

I'd be like, call Ellie, bitch. Would you not? If my arm was on fire, you wouldn't pet it out. I know with my bare hand. I'd be like, ah, Megan's on fire. Run for the sink. And you'd be like, it's too far away. I'd throw a coffee on you.

I'd throw a drink on you. The whole jacket would be up by then. I'd use my clothes, but I don't put my hands on flames. I'd throw my coffee on you, I'd throw a drink on you. The whole jacket would be up by then. I'd use my clothes but I wouldn't, I don't put my hands on flames. I would have thrown my Zambuca on you. And then sprinkled cinnamon over you and be like, backdraft bird! It's a party time!

It's a party time! Andrew was sitting on the other side of me and didn't do anything. Jackie patted it out with her bare hands. So he's in trouble. No, but honestly, it was so fast. Did she burn herself? She's got tiny little blisters all over her hands.

Sacrifice. Get married again so she can be a bridesmaid. She deserves this. You made it awkward. No, yeah. But she didn't even think twice. Literally, because it's a fluffy jacket, I could have gone up in a second. So the jacket's ruined? Yeah, one sleeve's burnt. Melted. Could you make's a fluffy jacket I could have gone up in a second. The jacket's ruined?

One sleeve's burnt. Melted. Could you make it a sleeveless jacket? Yeah, I could. Yas. Three quarter sleeve. I know it's an expensive jacket. Three quarter sleeve is where it's at. I never wear a half sleeve or a full sleeve. I always push them up.

Like a raglan tee. Yeah, yeah. A raglan, Like a raglan tee. Yeah, yeah. A raglan, a fluffy raglan tee. But I figured since it, you know, happened so easily to me, it must have happened

to other people. When did you set yourself on fire? Given that it's Guy Fawkes today, I'd say that, and the amount that I heard going off on a Sunday night

when I'm like, shouldn't you all be in bed? I'm imagining a few people have been on fire. We've set each other on fire, haven't we? Yeah, but that was in a stunt controlled environment. Still scary.

Still very hot for a long time afterwards. That was, yeah. Alright, well 0800 Dials at M 9696. Did it stink by the way? Yeah, it did. Stink out of the house? Yeah. It smelled pretty bad. I'm just glad it wasn't my skin. Okay, 0800 Dials at M 9696. When did you accidentally set yourself on fire?

Give us a call. Megan set herself on fire at the weekend, her big fluffy coat, RIP. I was doing a boomy, yeah. Yeah. RIP to that jacket. So we want to know when you've set yourself on fire. Made me feel a bit better.

Vaughn's just told us about a testicle ted. Yeah. Well, I don't know why it was called a testicle ted, because, yeah, I think it started different, but what it evolved to, it was a morons for party trick. Somebody would stand on a picnic table or an elevated spot. So everyone could see.

So everyone could see. And they'd pull down their pants and they'd do a mangina. And then they'd set their pubes on fire using a lighter. And then they had to let it burn up to their belly button. And that was the thing is, if you put it out before that, then you didn't win, but there was no prize. Did you ever do one of those? And it just stunk out the whole party.

Yeah, I think so, once. Oh, my God. But I put mine out early. Oh, that stinks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It stunk out the whole party. It was a real party starter or a real one. I don't know.

I look back at a lot of things that happened in my youth, and I'm like, I don't know why that happened. And I'm pretty sure this dude's still doing it at parties. So we want to know, when you accidentally set yourself on fire, Alexandra, what happened? Hi, how you going? Good, good. I actually have quite a few stories,

but the most recent one was about six months ago. Okay. So I was cleaning up some weeds for work at one of their sites. We were having a sale on. And we put it all into a big 60-litre drum and we couldn't get it going. It was quite early in the morning, must have had a bit of dew. So we thought, oh, we'll just put some fuel on it.

So we put some fuel on and sort of set a bit of a line so it can ease into the fire. And we were leaning over and set it alight and it exploded in our faces. Yeah. Yeah. These are all...

We should have also called this section, this segment of the show like what not to do. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Oh my God. And so you were on fire

for a little bit. Yeah, all our hair was singed. Luckily, I still kept my eyebrows. I was quite worried. I ran straight over to the mirror to check

I still had those. You're like, phew, my eyebrows are still there. I was quite worried. I ran straight over to the mirror to check I still had those. You're like, phew, my eyebrows are still there. Better put myself out. Yeah. Alexandra, thanks for your call. Brittany, when did you accidentally set yourself on fire? I was about five or six. I woke up super early.

My parents were still asleep. I managed to find a lighter on one of the tables. And I thought, oh, it'll be fun to set something on fire and just put them out. Yeah. And it got to lighting my silk pajama pants on fire. And I put my knee, set a light, and I just could not get it out for the life of me. And I ran down the hallway screaming. And it was like a moment in the movies where my dad jumped out of bed and he just pulled

the pants straight off of me. Oh, it was horrible. I still have scars to this day because of it. You set yourself on fire. Yeah. There would be a hell of a wake up. Some of the parents. The girls will mill around. My daughters will mill around downstairs

when they first wake up in the weekend and give us a sleep in. But I've never thought about the fact that they could be like, all right, why can't we sit on fire? Yeah, exactly. All right, thanks you, cool Brittany. Fiona, when did you accidentally set yourself on fire? Hi.

We were out in town quite a few years ago and we were waiting for like the 3am bus, like quite drunk, sitting there waiting. Yeah. And we used to do that thing where you flipped the matches. Oh yeah, yeah. And one of the girls flipped it right

into my hair and set it on fire and because we were all drunk, it took a while for it to click in that it was on fire. I was like, what is that smell? So my girl started just bashing me around the face trying to get it out. So, got it out but lost a big chunk of hair.

Oh, no. So, what, you had to go to the hairdresser on Monday? I am a hairdresser, so, you know. Okay. Got a fringe. Get to work 15 minutes early and treat yourself. Exactly. All right, thanks, Nicole Fiona.

All of those stories we've heard could totally have been avoided. True, yeah. Now time for some accidental stories, some text messages. My little sister was reading a eulogy at my nana's funeral and she leant forward and her hair caught on fire with one of the candles that was around the coffin. Candles are dangerous, man. Especially if you've got long hair, by the sounds of things.

They'll all go. When we were young, we were roasting marshmallows and I thought, hey, if these are yum, we should try roasting hair. Yeah. By the sounds of things. They're all go. When we were young, we were roasting marshmallows and I thought, hey, if these are yum, we should try roasting a fruit burst. What happened? Well, it burst into flames

and then it fell onto my hand when it melted and my hand caught fire and I was flicking it and it was just like, like napalm. Like I was just flicking fire everywhere.

I burnt myself, my clothes and my hand quite badly. So don't. Imagine if your house burnt down and it's like cause of fire. A fruit burst. A fruit burst is like tomato in a toasted sandwich it turns out. Like lava

hot. Yeah. Lava hot. I was at work. I was using gas cutting some steel and I was like, that doesn't smell like steel burning. Took a step back and I looked down and the crotch of my pants was on fire. Very quick aggressive padding to extinguish the flame. Put it out, but I could still feel the heat on my nether regions for the rest of the day.

Lucky. So many. Oh, somebody said, you remember that song, Whip My Hair Back and Forth? Yeah. We were doing that under one of those outdoor gas heaters. And I whipped my hair back and then I threw it forth. And then when I whipped it back again, it went right into the gas heater

and burst into flames. Oh, wow. And then I had a flaming hair, my hook being whipped back and forth. Do you know last Monday at the gym was the busiest I've seen it forever because you know summer's coming. People are going crazy.

Chris Hemsworth, movie star, his personal trainer has come out with the one exercise that he says everyone should do. Like to lose weight, to get in shape. It's going to be a hard one then. Probably because you've seen... Is it burpees?

Oh, don't be burpees. It's okay. It's not burpees. We'll tell you soon. Okay. This is a controversial new emojis out. They've included the foot, the bottom of the foot, the sole of the foot in the emoji range. I don't know why. Feet fetish people?

In powerful positions? Because I've updated my phone, but I haven't seen that. Is it next to where the leg was? It's by the leg and the hand and the muscly arm and the foot. Oh, yeah, I see. That area of the emoji situation. So the problem being that there's the yellow foot. No one's got a yellow foot.

And if they did have a yellow foot, they'd be a Simpsons character and I don't think they'd have five toes. Next, white, pale foot. Yep. Okay. Next foot, slightly more tan. Sometimes in summer I go for that one. The second.

Second one. The second one, yeah. No one here should be going for the third one. No, no, definitely not. You hassled me for going for the that one. The second. Second one. The second one, yeah. No one here should be going for the third one. No, no, definitely not. You hassled me for going for the second one. Excuse me. Yeah, but you're whiter than me. We've gone through this before.

It's absolutely not a thing. So I didn't want to, I'm not getting involved in this because last time Megan didn't speak to me for like two, three days. Well, you've already said she's not adventurous. Because you said I have freckles. And now you're saying that she's. I'm a not adventurous, freckly. What else did you say this morning

with no friends other than you guys? No, and Ali. Oh my God. So then there's the browner foot and then the brown, brown foot and then the foot that can only be described as the black foot. Right on the scale of the emoji situation.

The problem is the minute it gets past the middle foot, it stops looking like a human foot. Because black people's feet aren't black like that. And this is where the problem arises. Same with the palms of the hand? Yeah. So somebody said

from a black person who was really looking forward to using a foot emoji, I think they said that sarcastically, y'all need to look at what the bottom of a black person who was really looking forward to using a foot emoji. I think they said that sarcastically. You only need to look at what the bottom of a black person's foot looks like because it doesn't look that it's just the same pigment

as the rest of the skin. Because this isn't the first time an emoji's caused debate. Maybe not on a racial level, but the bagel, that got people upset, didn't it? Well, the bagel got redone because it didn't have cream cheese on it. And they said, what sort of monster would even promote a dry bagel that got people Well the bagel got redone because it didn't

have cream cheese on it and they said what sort of monster would even like promote a dry bagel and they're right like bagels are way too dry they're like a pretzel

they're too dry by themselves So I'm sure by the time there's another update they'll fix this So they took the gun out they changed it with a water pistol Can't you just use

one of the lighter ones? Are they saying just get rid of the black foot? No because it's not dark enough on the side. Yeah, the outside of the foot. But it doesn't show you the outside, does it? No, but you'd still see that because it kind of, you know,

it blends, doesn't it? Yeah. I've gone to Quora.com. Do you guys belong to Quora? No. No, if I Google a question, that's normally the first thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what it stands for.

Q-U-O-R-A. I get an email every day from them. And whatever you, like, read, it knows knows and then it emails you that specific stuff. So I'm just getting like superhero stuff every single day. And some of the questions are so ridiculous. I'm like, who asked that? They're great. Read this.

So they've got an answer and it came from a doctor. Right. A dermatologist who happened to be African-American. And they said, this is like the most asked question when it comes to black people and their skin. Why is it different on the palms of your hands and the soles of your feet? Okay. And he said, he says little kids get asked this

and they don't know the answer to it. So his job was to tell as many people as possible so that these kids weren't stuck answering this curly question that people wanted an answer to. So everybody's skin tone is different on their hands and their feet. It's harder to tell on white people, but everybody's is different. It's a different sort of skin. It's a much thicker skin.

It's meant to develop calluses and endure more friction and wear and tear. Okay. We've just evolved this way, walking on them, picking things up, carrying things. It doesn't have hair follicles. It's hard to tattoo. Oh, yeah. And it has significantly less melanin. Now, that's the thing that gives you the colour of your skin.

Oh, yeah, okay. So because there's less of that in there, and black people on the skin have more in their base skin, it's more of a contrast. Whereas if you have less of it, like me, it's less of a difference, although you can tell it's different skin. Right. I've been using a hand cream lately. Have you? Yeah. It's less of a difference, although you can tell it's different skin. Right.

I've been using a hand cream lately. Have you? Yeah. Why? I just decided it was time to... To treat your hands. To treat them. Okay.

They were getting a little bit like these little callousy bits. From the gym? Yeah. Okay. And I was like, they're unsightly. Why don't you use gym gloves, bra? Bra, you should bra, yeah. I've got some, but I feel like a real...

But I feel like a real but i feel like a real dick i've got send them in like a pack of gym gloves yeah i know but that's why i don't put them on because they're always there and i'm like all right and i look at them and i'm like not today no because if anyone's using gym gloves ever you're like no that way it's not heavy enough for those gloves oh you're saying that you know that weight's not heavy enough for those gloves. Oh, you're saying that, you know, that's why I look at them and I'm like,

nah, they're sitting in my gym bag. I'm like, nah. Lots of them. Please use them. When I got given them, I thought they were just

fingerless gloves. So like, unknowing I was. And I was like, what are these? And Sade was like, they're gym gloves. I was like, what for? And she's like, for like weights and stuff so you don't get calluses. And I was like, what are these? And Sade was like, they're gym gloves. I was like, what for?

And she's like, for like weights and stuff so you don't get calluses. And I was like, ah, right. So I'd just rather put on some hand cream afterwards. It's rose. It's got – Is it? It always smells so nice. After I put it on, I always go, hmm, come on.

All right. Spy, come on. I'm throwing the gloves away. I'm not even going to chance using them. I like when you tease a friend so much they stop doing something. I didn't even start. You pre-teased me.

It was good. No, it's good to pre-tease because then I know not to make the mistake. So how many weeks until Christmas? How many summer holidays? Seven, eight weeks. Eight weeks? Eight weeks to get beach ready.

That's not impossible. You hear about eight week challenges. Twelve week challenges are probably a bit more. Do you know what it takes to be beach ready? Go to the beach. Get to the beach and you are ready. So true. Although judging by the amount of people that were at the gym, at my gym last Monday,

I've never seen it so packed. And it happens all the time this year. This kind of time of year, everyone's like, uh-oh, summer's coming. Right. Better just kind of, you know, get in shape. Chris Hemsworth's trainer is a guy from Melbourne. And he has been his trainer for a while. He has got a book out.

He's released a book. And he's been doing a few interviews. His name's Luke Zocchi. He's quite cute, by the way. Yeah, I think he's all over Instagram as well. You've done some research. Oh, I'm literally watching one of those workout videos. He features in it.

So his new book, The A-List Diet and Fitness Plan, has a whole lot of exercises and recipes and info. The trouble is with those books is that you're, oh, my God, this is it. I know what to do now. And then you actually have to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It tells you all the exercises. You're like, oh, yeah.

You look it up. You write it down. You're like. This is me. Why am I not skinny now? And then there's Friday drinks. And then you may as well just. You've had Friday drinks.

Just get drunk on Saturday night, too. And then pizza on the way home or Maccas or Nuggies. Yeah, and then just do it during the weekdays and five out of seven ain't bad. It's all downhill, isn't it? So he,

one of his biggest things is to be consistent with your training. You're most likely to see results. Adding 20 minutes of high intensity interval training or weights before work can make a huge difference, he says. Okay. Now, has one exercise, he says,

that can burn fat and... Don't say burpees. ...get your body going. No, he promised me it wasn't burpees. It's not. The best exercise for all body fat loss, bear crawls. So that's just down on all fours,

but that's not knees, eh? It's feet and hands and crawling. So your knees are just above the ground. He does those in this video but he's suspended with one of those strap things and he crawls along the ground. Oh, that's that one where it's like bungee cords, eh? And you've got to crawl and you've got to

school gala and you're on a bungee cord. If you can get the token, you get a free coke or something. And then undo all your good work because you're on a bungee cord. If you can get the token, you get a free Coke or something. Yeah. And then undo all your good work because you're just drugging it to sugar. So he's saying bear crawls are low impact, but they work the entire body. Right. And he recommends- But then there's lizard crawls, which is lower to the ground. I don't like them.

Well, you can do those. You can kind of do press-ups as you- Yeah, those are lizard crawls. It's always embarrassing how puffed you get doing those. You get up and you're like, yeah, that was great. I'm all good. Sounds like a job for workout gloves, though, if your hands are going to be on the hard ground.

Well, you've got workout gloves. I don't want to scuff your beautiful hands. I'm just looking at the Chris Hemsworth body timeline because even when he was, as we can see here, even when he was Kip, Kim, Kim. Kim. On Home and Away. There was nothing wrong with it.

No. And then in the first Thor, he really bulked up and he got really big. Yeah. And then in the latest Avengers and Thor, he's much more of a sleek, yet very muscular physique. Really athletic physique. Yes, very athletic rather than the muscles of Thor. Would you go now, Megan? I'd go Bad Times at El Royale.

Which is a little bit more lean, isn't it? Yeah. Well, again, it's the bear crawls and the high-intensity workouts. That is bear crawls, not pub crawls with beer. I've tried that and it does nay worse. That's the reason we're all at the gym, isn't it? Spun my 20s out of control. So on Saturday night, Sade went to Sam Smith with a friend.

It was a home with the girls. And we sat up late because cool dad. Yeah. I'm a cool dad. I'm a cool dad, kids. We can say that. And then it started getting a little bit dark and fireworks started going off. And so we were like looking out the window watching the fireworks go.

And Indy said, I wish we had fireworks. And I said, I think I've got a box in the garage. Famous last words. Which, yeah. So that would have been there for two years. It freaks me out, people that hoard fireworks and you hear them at New Year's or someone's birthday. Well, I only know about it because we're moving soon.

So I've started going through the garage to kind of like pack stuff up and I was like, fireworks? When did you get there? Was that that box we got given like two years ago? Maybe. That would make sense because I don't think I've bought fireworks for a very, very long time. What's the deal? Like, do they have an expiry?

Well, that's why I know that it's dangerous and you shouldn't use old fireworks. But these have been stored in like a dry, sometimes very warm condition. But so I got them out and they were like, whoa, because they've never seen fireworks close up. What about last year or the year before? Well, no, they've been to fireworks displays, but we've never actually done fireworks. At home. But at mum and dad's we do fireworks in the country

because, I don't know, you're only bothering yourself and dad always moves the cows and so no animals are freaking out. Yeah. But when you do them in the city, I just feel it's a bit rude really. You know, you don't know what people are doing. Who cares?

They might be having a bad day and then all of a sudden you're like, boom! And they're like, it's just making it worse. So I know we've never done it

but I've never seen them and they were like, whoa. So I looked at them and they looked all good and there was no damp and there was no sign of like weird gunpowder,

nothing. I just assumed there'd be some telltale signs. So then my second, so then I was like, and he's like, please can we light some? I was like, we can light a couple. She's like, ah, and I was like, alright.

So you're staying inside, you can watch from the window that looks onto the lawn, you guys stay in here. Lame, like when we were kids, we were like a metre away from them. I know! Our parents are going to love it. I was like, where's the dog? Get the dog, put it in the back room,

make sure it's okay. Where are the cats? The cats need to be locked in the laundry because they'll freak out and they'll run outside and then they're going to be surrounded by them. So I was like, what's happened to them? Then I went and got a bucket of sand. Yeah. And then I went and got two buckets of water. Even though there's a hose right there, but you know, the hose hose will never work if you start panicking.

I know. And all the while I'm like, got to be safe. Got to be safe. Did you have safety glasses on? Got to be safe. Is this the same Vaughan Smith who I made a sparkler bomb with like 10 years ago? He's a different man now. What happened to you?

By the way, safety first. Certainly not encouraging making any kind of improvised advice. No, no, no, no, no. Those are a very silly idea. God, that was the last thing on my mind at the weekend. So I was like, all right. So they were at the window. August is like, I'm a little bit scared.

And I said, you can go back there. And if it's too noisy, we'll stop. We'll do one. But if you like it. Do you know why she was scared? It's because you were freaking out. I know. Maybe my anxiety about the whole situation was passing.

Sand and water and like block the dogs away. So I was like, all right. So I got the lighter and I was like out on the lawn, in the sand bucket, water at the ready. I was like, and just that. And I ran from it. I was like, why am I running? Later on, I look back and I'm like,

every time Indy was like, you really lit them and ran for it. I was like, I know. And then it was like, boom, boom, boom. And they were just like, immediately, I love it. We need more. I was like, oh, God, I don't know how many more. I don't know how many more we can do.

And then I lit one that sent them real high, like an old Roman candle. Boom. But then the things that contain the gunpowder that fall landed on the roof. And I was like, that's it. No more. That's it. No, that's crazy.

That'll melt the guttering. That'll set the house on fire. Please, Dad, please, a couple more. I was like, oh. And then I lit one, and it was like burnt down. It went quiet. Oh, I like those ones. And they're like, open the window.

They're like, go and check on it. Shut the window. I'm like, no, no, we don't go and check on fireworks that have been lit that haven't. So it gave it like two minutes and then I approached it with a bucket of water and poured the bucket of water over it and then put the because it was a steel bucket, put it over it and then gave it a stand down period. I know.

You used to be fun. I know. It was the safest. You used to chase your friends with It was the safest You used to chase Your friends with Roman candles I know I did Big ones too The ones that shot

And if you weren't Holding them on To them hard enough It would blow up The back of your hand And then you'd like Frantically try to Pick it up

Before the next one Went off As a friend who has Been chased by Roman candles Don't do that It's not fun These ones you should Not have chased friends with

No It was like a shotgun And then they'd be like Boom When they hit Oh heck It was scary So that was it Fun over'd be like, boom, when they hit. Oh, heck, it was scary. So that was it, fun over.

I don't know. And maybe it's just as I'm a father now. Right. But I remember my parents just being like having a couple of wines on the deck or a couple of beers and just being like, don't get too close to them. Don't hurt. Bloody shoot it at your brother, you dickhead. Or I won't let you do the rest of the box.

And you shoot at the brother like, all right, like the rest of the box. And you remember as a kid winding the fuses together and setting like four off at once? Oh, yeah. No. I saw the days. Who wrote with you? Terrifying. If you win these sky rockets, if you could strap them right, like one would go off and shoot up.

And that would set the next one off and you'd get like a series of skyrockets going off. But then the buzzy bees that used to chase Nan and knock her off her chair. Those were the days, eh? Even the thought of it now gives me anxiety. The fire to the neighbour's fence or the buzzy bee, those were the days. And those whizzy wheels, you'd nail them to something, you wouldn't think about the fire that they'd just,

for Christ's sake, be careful. Mosh Monday. It's time for Mosh Monday now. Look at a song that maybe for you was an emotional song in your teenage years. Brings back emotional memories. And just the story behind it is always great. Why is it an emotional song for you was an emotional song in your teenage years? Brings back emotional memories. And just the story behind it is always great. Why is it an emotional song for you? Yeah.

And joining us on the phone this morning for Mosh Monday is Jess. Good morning. Good morning. Okay. So how old were you when this song was your Mosh song? I was year nine at high school. Okay. So I was, what, 13?

Oh, wow. You were just in the eye of the hurricane there. Yes, high school. Okay. So I was, what, 13? Oh, wow. You were just in the eye of the hurricane there. Yes, pretty much. Okay. All right. So what was the emotion? So me and my best friend, you know, had a boyfriend each at that time. Okay.

And the song, pretty much, we'd listen to it every time we thought our boyfriends I suppose if you want to call it, were cheating on us or we thought were cheating on us But were they cheating on you? No, no they're allowed to have girls that are friends but no, we didn't think that What kind of things were they doing that would make you think they were

cheating on you? Just talking to them Oh, talking to girls Yeah, pretty much So I was like, excuse me miss, I've got a question about the maths and you're like cheating on you? Just talking to them. Oh, talking to girls. Talking to girls. Yeah, pretty much. So it's like, excuse me, miss, I've got a question about the maths and you're like,

I know I do. Stop rubbing it on my face. Cheating on me with the maths, did you? Pretty much. It's pretty much

exactly what it was like. Yeah, that's an emotional wreck. Okay. So you and your best friend would wind yourself up and get all emotional, and this song was there for you. Pretty much.

And we'd do a duet with the song, and so we'd sing it. We'd have tears coming out of it, but we were so into it, and I look back now, and we just crack up. Oh, my God. Okay, well, can't wait to hear one of them. Okay, well, it's got to be duet worthy. Do you want to introduce your Mosh Monday song for us, Jess? Yes, so for Mosh Monday, my song is No Air by Jordan Sparks and Chris Brown. Brilliant.

Oh, I wish I could have seen the duet. All right, it's Jess's Mosh Monday. Oh, good for a duet, this one. Were you Jordan Sparks or Chris Brown? What was your favourite? We take turns because, you know, we didn't want anyone to outshine each other. This is obviously a pre-Chris Brown situation.

Yeah. All right, Jess, here it is. ZM. My breath away Losing you is like living in a world with no air Oh I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave My heart removed, it's incomplete But there was a way that I could make you understand But how do you expect me

To live alone with just me? Cause my world revolves around you, it's so hard for me to breathe Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air Can't live, can't breathe with no air It's not real whenever you ain't there There's no air, no air Got me out here in the water so deep Tell me how you gon' be without me

If you ain't here, I just can't breathe It's no air, no air No air, no air Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe No air, no air Oh, breathe with no air No air, no air Whenever you ain't there No breathing, no breathing So deep, deep

Without me, yeah Breathe with no air So deep, so deep Down deep, yeah Deep in the soul Yeah, yeah, yeah Deep in the soul Oh, oh, oh Hard for me to breathe Oh, oh, oh Hard for free to breathe. Help me out. I'm free to breathe. I'm free to breathe.

Nothing. Got me out here in the water so deep. Tell me how you're going to be without me. If you ain't here, I just can't breathe. There's no air, no air. No air. no air. No air. No air.

Jordan Sparks, Chris Brown, Mosh Mondays. That's Jess's pack this week. If you have a song that takes you back to your emotional teenage years, and there's a great story behind it, send us a message on our Facebook page, FBMZM, Instagram, whatever. Get in touch with us and you can be

next Monday's Mosh Monday. Somebody said they just want to say thanks to the person who drove her through Kingsland and Auckland who was also listening to that song

and we both looked at each other and sung the duet together. Beautiful. What a start to the day. That's magical that you had that moment and then also decided

who was going to be who. Yeah. That is magical. Producer Caitlin, that's magical that you had that moment and then also decided who was going to be who. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That is magical. Producer Caitlin, this is what we need to discuss now. Just you tread carefully there. No, and I want to, I'll rephrase what I said earlier.

Oh, okay. After you said it anyway, but yeah. Okay. After you already put it out there. After I already put it out there. You have been invited to a wedding. Yes. Yay me weddings

In 2020 Yeah So it's over a year away Is it early 2020 Or is it like January It's March Yeah it was to save the day It's March

It's just a long No No you're saying it's to save the day Okay Yeah Yeah And that's just I mean you didn't Megan

We literally didn't know If we were going to your wedding until a couple of months beforehand. Oh, God, don't start me crying. Well, January's a very busy time. I sent you your invite four months beforehand. No, it was two. It was like three.

God, I've had enough of you today. I've actually had enough. You showed weakness. You showed weakness. You're grumpy today. Picking today. I think you had a lot of sleep? You showed weakness. You showed weakness. You're grumpy today. Picking today. I think you had a big weekend. Caitlin.

I know, I'm sorry. You got caught on fire. I know, I'm a goose. God, you guys are draining. So unlike Megan's wedding, unlike Megan's wedding, they're saving the date. Four months beforehand.

I would say they've gone polar opposite and gone too far out. Okay. I'd forget. You've been invited to a wedding 2020. What month? I have. March.

March. Okay. 12, 13, 14, 15, like 16 months. Here's what we want to discuss because you have RSVP'd. Yes. Well, yeah, I'm going to. Okay. And I'm going to RSVP me plus one.

Have you been given a plus one? Would your invitation say, Caitlin, plus one? No. You can't have RSVP plus one. I talked about it with her in the weekend. She said that I should RSVP plus one if I think that I will have a partner by then. And I thought, you know what?

It's a year and a half away. If I don't, I will be very upset. So you've set yourself the goal, a relationship goal. You will, by 2020 March, have a boyfriend that you can take to this wedding. Well, hopefully husband,

but yeah, we could settle for boyfriend. You're going to undercut this person. You're going to find someone and get married all before this wedding. Yeah, you know me. I like to do things quickly. No. Okay.

Boyfriend. But like, imagine if I asked people. Fiance. Now, when I said, I don't think this is a possibility, a reality,

what I really meant is, aren't you just setting yourself up here? No, because. Caitlin's been doing this since the day we met her. In 2014, we met her. 2014 we met her

One of the first things Hi I'm Caitlin I'm going to have a boyfriend soon Okay I did not say that Weird intro Weird way to introduce yourself I did not say that And then

I'm just being realistic Like What if I am in love with this guy And then I'm going to this wedding And I don't have a plus one Plus it's in Wanaka I've got to book the flights You know Out in advance.

And I might have someone special by my side. It is important to set goals and that includes life goals. But a relationship, you can't force love. No, but what she can do is keep this as a bench pose so that she can get herself out there, you know? Instead of staying at home watching Netflix, you're like, no, I've got a goal. I'm going to get out there.

She's going to try and get you. I get that. Socially. Yeah. And either way, I'll just, like, buy one. What? I'll just, like, hire a boyfriend if I have to. I was thinking about doing that for the end of year school reunion,

the 10-year school reunion. You're an independent woman. You don't need to buy a boyfriend. Yes, yes, yes. She sees this and she rolls her eyes at me. Didn't this – just side note. Didn't this happen in a movie? Side note, let's find Caitlin a date on the radio for the school reunion.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. People are going to know. She's going to get there and she's going to be like flawless playing and then people are going to be like, you know that all happened on the radio, right? And we heard it. Yeah.

Yeah, okay, true. This is the reason why I don't have a boyfriend. It's you guys. So, yeah, but I just think, no, I actually think it's a good little thing

to aim towards. Is it dangerous though, like, to set relationship goals? Like, life goals is good. Like, career goals, it's important to stay motivated and keep an eye on it. Wait, what's happening? Something's happening between the girls.

They just whispered something to each other. Mouth to mouth. Go on, keep going. Sorry. Has she been seeing someone? No. Absolutely not. Megan.

I didn't say anything. Okay. Who have you been talking to on Bumble? No, no, no, no, no, no. She's not on Bumble. No, we're not. We're doing a phone-a. She's not on Bumble. No, we're not. We're doing a phone-a. She's not on Bumble.

Tinder. I know nothing. I am going to kill you. I didn't say a word. So is this why you're getting excited for the meeting? No, absolutely not. Oh, you've scared him off if he's listening today. He's out.

He's like, ooh, block and delete. No, but I get Megan's point. Set a goal. And then it's going to make you want to at least try. Put yourself out there. You don't think so? It feels dangerous. It feels like you're going to force it or, I don't know. To me, love shouldn't have goals.

No, but if you're running a marathon, you train. Yeah. So it's like. Yeah, but it's different, isn't it? Yeah, but it's different. Why? It's training. No, because getting yourself out there

and putting yourself in social sit to wish, yep, that is like the training for a marathon. Yeah. She's not going to meet anyone unless she gets out there. And this goalpost is the encouragement she needs to get out there, you know? Right, okay. I'm just wondering if anybody listening

set themselves relationship goals. Oh, girls. I'm just wondering if anybody listening set themselves relationship goals. All girls do, don't we? We were like, I'm going to be married and have one child by the time I'm 25. Was that yours? Was that your one? I was married at 25 and then I got divorced and then I still don't have a child. So it hasn't gone well. You're not a toy boy.

That's a mixture of both, a husband and a child. Okay. But like, yeah. Right. So what you want to hear from people that have had that have set relationship goals and what,

that they've worked or not or both. Both. Both. Maybe you'll be like, well, I'm in this relationship now. If I'm not engaged

by the end of next year, I'm not going to be happy. Like that. And is it a good thing or a bad thing? Yeah. Did you find it helpful to set yourself a goal?

Because goals and like a professional thing, sure, and goals to run a marathon, I'm on board. But you don't think you can goal love? Goals and love? I don't think you can goal love. Okay, 0800-DARZANEM. Either happens or it doesn't, right?

9696, have you had a relationship goal before? Did it work or did it fail? Producer Caitlin has been invited to a wedding in 2020, and so she is RSVPing with a plus one, a boyfriend that she doesn't yet have. We're talking relationship goals. And if you've made them. Is it a good idea?

Is it a bad idea? Did it work out for you? I'm personally against the idea. Because, love, you shouldn't have to force it. I think it can work because it can help you get out there. So, yeah, you're saying, Megan, it gets you out there. Yeah. Vaughn, you're saying you can't force that kind of thing. Yeah. Okay.

Somebody messaged in, damn girls are complicated. We're not. We're just like, love. We're just like love. We want to be in it. We want to love someone else. Laura, what was your relationship goal? I wanted to be engaged by 22.

Okay, and how old are you? I'm 20 now. Oh, okay. And is he with someone? Is this like on track? Yeah, I've been with someone since I was 15 and he bought my engagement ring last year. But then if he's bought the ring,

why hasn't he done it? Because I don't know, to be honest. But does he know you know? Yes, he actually brought me into the shop and let me pick it. What a tease. And then you've been waiting a year. Yeah. Like, in two years, like, a lot could change.

You might want something different or, like... Oh, no, I still want the same ring. What about the same guy, though? Can I break up with him? Can I just get that for next things? Well, he's got two years. Has he got it insured? It's just going to sit there. Like, what if he loses it?

He's got it in his drawer. I look at it every now and then. When he's not there, you put it on, don't you? I got to try it on before I let him keep it. Yeah. Yeah, but every now and then I just kind of open it and have a look. Wow. And put it on. it. Yeah. Yeah, but every now and then I just kind of open it and have a look. Wow.

And put it on. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. What? Why did he buy it? I mean, if your intention is to do it and you're bored, just do it then.

Yeah, because then you can just wear it. This specific ring, the stone is very rare. Right. And it's going to run out soon. So he was like, I'll buy it now and that way I don't have to worry Oh is it polar bears? Is it like polar bears?

Yeah Very rare Thanks you Cool Laura Tom what was your relationship goal? Oh mate I was

when I was a teenager I planned by the time I was 30 I wanted to be married have my kids and own a house and I'm pleased to say I've been able to achieve it

Oh I love love that. Is that melting your heart, Caitlin? Is that absolutely... That's terrible, Caitlin. Oh, Tom. Yeah, but he started when he was a teenager, mate. Caitlin's 28, Tom. Oh, that's all right.

She set a goal. Go for it. Thank you. Thank you, Tom. How's your house deposit going, Caitlin? Okay, Vaughan, shut up. Seriously. Thanks, you've got it, Tom.

The only goal I had when I was a teenager was to be able to grow a sweet beard one day. Done. Done, yes. And all the rest has just happened. It just happened. Yeah. Amber, what was your relationship goal?

Well, it does make me sound a little bit more psycho than I actually am. I knew from the way you were like, wow. But when I met my now husband, I said to him, look, you know, I'm getting older. I want kids. You've got a year to decide whether you want to marry me. I was like, we don't have to get engaged straight after a year,

but you have to have made the commitment that that will happen. I think that's fair enough. Yeah, well, I thought, well, i'm not wasting another couple of years with some strong guns yeah that's and so and was he obviously into that i don't know but i mean oh no wait a minute your phone got out he died what happened we've been married for five years now. Oh, yay. He decided. Straight up, I thought you'd killed him. No, that sounds like something, Caitlin, that you would say to someone.

Like, make your mind up now. And he's like, that's our third date. But that's the thing. Like, if they like you, then they'll have you at your Britney. Exactly. Yeah. Okay, all right. Things you call Amber?

Somebody said, I set a goal to be married by the time I was 30. I've been with my man for 10 years. We've got kids and a house. However,

I'm two months away from that 30 now and I'm still not... What next? And I'm still not married. Oh, come on. What's his problem? If he knows

that's something you want... Legally, you're tied together. You're bound. Yeah, exactly. You're bound. You're bound without the ceremony. He needs some serious hints. Some other text messages in. I've been with my partner for four years. I'm 29 now and when I was 28, I said to him, you have to propose by the time I'm 30 or

I am out. But see, all you've done there is give him a homework deadline. He's just going to hand in the homework at the deadline. Yeah, we're New Zealanders. We do it in the last hour. We're like, oh, shit. Just propose to him. If he says no, be like, later. Oh, propose to him.

After all we years, though. You wouldn't. You're together, aren't you? Yeah. I had an engagement goal. He failed, so I dumped him. He came crawling back a few months later. We've been married for 17 years now.

And you really, you took the power back there. That was a full-blown power play. My relationship goal was never to get married nor never to have kids. I've just turned 30 and I've got two children and I'm married. So what, life's miserable? Yeah. And a few offers for people to be your plus one for that date in 2020, Caitlin. Unless they get a better offer between now and then,

which they both have said could possibly happen. That is such a tease. Text them back immediately. You've got to work for it. I'm trying. Tell them to shove it if they're acting like that. You don't get a better

offer than Caitlin. Oh, Megan. I got your back, girl. Thanks, babes. I've got to with these two already. Yeah, I know. Look at them. It's truly something nice to say. Give me five minutes. No time.

Fact of the... No. Hey. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. I do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Today's fact of the day is about songs, old songs that make money through royalties. A lot of them are the Christmas songs right up there. Yeah. Didn't I read at the weekend Mariah Carey's Christmas song re-entered the top 100?

Mm-hmm. Just because people are getting ready for Christmas. Yeah. And malls are probably starting to play it. Yeah. Madness. It's starting to peak. So, um.

She's awoken. Mm. Because we can't defrost the Buble to that. We can't defrost the Buble this year. He's chucked in the. No, he's. You know the old joke is. He reneged and said he hadn't given up on music.

But not for this Christmas. Not for now. He's not actively doing anything at the moment. I know, but we've already got the Christmas album. We can still play it. Yeah, I know, but I like to imagine somewhere that he's like... He's actually into it.

Doing it somewhere, right? Yeah. He has to be doing it somewhere. Well, this one really blew my mind. This song was big in the 90s. In 1993, it spent seven weeks at number two, never got to number one. Oh, that's still a good beat.

Wait for it. How long does it take to kick in? I don't know how long it takes to kick in to the main bit. Do you want me to fast forward it? No, I think it's time to have fun. Oh, I know. I'm going to fast forward it? No, I think it's time to have fun. Oh, I know. I'm going to fast forward it to the bit everyone knows. You fast forwarded it past everybody.

World's worst sports DJ. Yep, okay. Now we all know. Now we all know. Due to its frequent use at sporting events, this song still makes $500,000 a year in royalties. Half a million dollars a year in royalties. Oh, my God.

And it's probably only ever played at sports grounds. Probably. It's used in TV commercials. Yeah. It's been used in a few TV commercials, sporting grounds, sporting events. And it was used in Will Ferrell's movie, Elf. Okay.

In 2003, it got used. Great Christmas movie. Yeah, great Christmas movie. Probably time to get that one out. It's been in Shark's Tale and it's been used in South Park, Scrubs, a few different TV shows, and as you say, sporting arenas.

It all adds up to half a million dollars a year, of which the guys that wrote the song get $70,000 each, and the rest is divided up amongst the record label, lawyers, rights holders, and everything. Yeah, right, okay. But this song... That's not bad, $70,000 for doing nothing.

For doing nothing, yeah. Yeah. For writing a song once upon a time. Yeah. And then you just get your royalty check every year. And because some of the top earning dead celebrities, I know that list came out of Michael Jackson was at the top again. Yeah.

I think he earned $400 million over the last year. Yeah, right. From his royalties from all the songs and everything still getting played. So today's fact of the day is this song from 1993. Can you dig it? Can you dig it? Makes half a million dollars a year in royalties. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

A doodly-doo-doo, doodly-doo-doo, doodly-doo-doo-doo, doodly-doo-doo-doo. A study by a dating website called Elite Singles, which I've never heard of. You on that one, Caitlin? Caitlin! You have to pay, don't you? A subscription for that one. Caitlin, are you on Elite Singles? Are you on Elite Singles?

No. The website? Have you heard of it? Yes. on Elite Singles? No. The website? Have you heard of it? Yes. You have to pay for it. Oh, do you? Is it a pay service? Yeah, it's like a subscription.

.co.nz, a cut above other dating sites. But how much are we paying? Show of a look. Well, now you have to enter your credit card. Oh, no thanks. Oh, no. I know. No.

So this is for people who are paying. So I already feel like this is slightly skewed. Yeah, right. Ow. It's done a study. I just whacked my knuckle. It's done a study on where you're most likely to find people into monogamous relationships. Okay.

So they must put in their dating profile what they're after. Yeah. And whether or not they're single or not. Yeah. So these are the top 10 towns to find monogamous people. The most monogamous people. Ten, Nelson. Oh,

it turns out very good though, is it? Well, it's better. There's lots of towns that aren't on there. There's nine, Blenheim. Okay. So Blenheim beats Nelson again.

Wait, are these all just not much to choose from? This is what I was going to say. Are these just all going to be small towns where there's no one to pick? Everyone's taken. Not all of them.

Quite a few of them. Well, Christchurch and Wellington, your big cities. It's the smorgasbord, isn't it? It's the smorgasbord of hotties. People to cheat on. So eight is Tauranga. Now, that's getting slightly bigger, but then a lot of old people. Yeah, true.

A lot of retirees. Yeah, like surf life. But then retirees cheat on their partners the old-fashioned way, in person, with someone they run into at the bowls, not online. True. Seven, pukhe kohe. Okay. Six is Hastings.

That shouldn't be on the list, should it? Hastings. Why? They're obviously monogamous. Nah, not Hastings. Why? Why do you have, not Hastings. What do you think? What do you mean against Hastings? Didn't Hastings have a real case of the STIs a little while ago?

Oh, were they in the triangle? They drew the lines because Gismond's right up there. They were in the swollen triangle. Yeah, yeah, the golden swollen itchy slightly seepy triangle. Yeah, right, okay. So I'm sure that they almost made it a quadrilateral. So it had four sides. Right.

And then after Hastings, Wellington. Okay. Is it hip to be monogamous? It might be, yeah. It might be, yeah. Rangiora is in at number four. Okay. Three is Te Awamutu in the Waikato.

Again, there's no one to cheat on there though It's just not enough people It's a bustling Little metropolis Yeah but everyone Knows everyone You can't cheat on your partner Without them finding out Yeah

Is that the only reason People are monogamous Pretty much Because they don't want To get caught Cheating on their partner Pretty much Number two

Keri Keri Okay Again a lot of retirees Maybe it's the oranges Maybe it's the sunlight hours The moderate temperature. No, because all those things are like sexy stuff. Yeah.

Orange juice. Orange juice really gets me going. It must be the vitamin C that's keeping them monogamous. Okay, so the number one most monogamous place. In New Zealand, Paraparaumu. Pretty just. What do you mean? You're making a face.

Why? You get them pregnant young and then you're scared of their dad, so you've got to hang around, right? That's the idea of... Complaints to born at City of Online. People know what I'm talking about. Pop down to that mall. What's that mall called?

Coast something something? Coastlands? Coast something? Hook up with a girl. Have a baby at 17. Scared of her dad because he's got, like, gang connections. And then, like, you're there. That's it.

You're there for life. And you're not cheating. Yeah, it's like you're in jail like the dad was. You might as well just join the dad. Why don't you just generalise? And then the cycle continues. Why don't you just generalise some more, Vaud? Just joking around.

I can't help but notice your, if we, small towns, a lot of small towns there. Morrinsville wasn't on the list. Oh, so much choice, that's why. It's good. It's out there. Right. Printing an article on Vice,

the headline of which is the satisfying joy of sending platonic nudes to your friends. And the author is writing about sending nudes to their friends. Okay. For various reasons. For example, you could send a nude to your friend saying, I'm about to send this to someone.

Do you think this is okay? Do you think this is good? Is this a good nude? Yeah, no, I can't see any of us doing that. No, we're not that sort of. What about, would you, Caitlin, would you ever send one of you to Megan to say, I'm going to send this to a guy? Probably, actually.

To check it. I've had them sent from like, you know, well like PJ and I That was what I was going to say. Guaranteed PJ would have. But, yeah, Megan I'd trust Megan to know what was right and what looked good on me. Which angles?

I wouldn't get her to come and take it. You've seen my bits and pieces anyway. That's right. When you got a bit jazzing. But I don't get her to come and take it You've seen my bits and pieces anyway That's right, when you got a bit jazzing But I don't know if I would like take my own photo And send it I'd just be like, hey Megan What do you think I should show? Didn't I take a boob pic for you once?

To send someone Of her boobs? Yeah It's hard to get a good angle Not like my Like full boobs Probably just like cleavage Or something

Yeah So why are people doing this To feel better So they send it to their friends As they're like Is this fitting Is this okay And their friends are like

What I would do And can offer critiques On the nude Right And But they're not just like In the pose and clothes They're like fully naked

Send it to them Or they'll take a photo Of themselves And be like I just want Some like, I just want some good feedback on this. I just want to feel good about myself today. Guy, I can send this to the citizens. So they send it to their

friends and their friends are like, yas, like looking great. Save that one for when you do have someone to send a nude to. Why do you have to be naked? Like if you're in your undies, that's a word, isn't it? That as well, I guess. So they talked to... So should we be spicing up our group chat?

No. No. So all of them rushed out and talked to different people. They talked to a gay friend who shares nude photos with his gay male friends. And he said, look, we all just know each other very well. We've got a solid shared sense of boundaries. And we also really like genitals. But if you've seen it before, why do you need to see it again?

Maybe something's changed? What, like some maintenance? Yeah, maybe some maintenance. Do you mean like your friends? Well, yeah, like if you... Yeah, but the pose will change or the clothes or the... The day. Maybe the season's been kind to you.

Maybe you've got a good all-over tan. Yeah. Right, okay, and you just want some good feedback. Spray tan, angles. Yeah, right. Because you're not going to put it on Instagram. No. No.

Not the public forum. So again, it's just fishing for attention, really. You're like, tell me I look great. Or just feedback. I mean, by the sounds of it, these people are being pretty open about it. They're like, praise me for this great pic. And their friends are like, yas, look great. I've just asked my friends if, in my little

WhatsApp group chat with the boys, who I've known for ages, these guys, I said, do you think if we were all single we'd ever send each other nudes to be like, is this a good nude to send to somebody? And they've just said, what? No, I don't think so. Why? Do you want to

send them? And one of them said, I'm not against sending, I'm not against sending. I'm not against like looking at them. We can totally, because we've kind of seen each other. We went camping and we're kind of like washed and showered and we've seen each other. But there's different, like it's different just walking around. But when you get sent like a sexy pose from your friends, you're like, I don't know how I should feel about this.

And then imagine if it came back, because you know how if you get a message now, you can like edit it and Facebook Messenger, you can draw on it. Yeah. Like circling red circles like a teacher did when you made a mistake. Yeah. This, gone.

This, got more of this, less of that. I wouldn't want to be critiqued that much. No, no. They have to be very delicately. They draw a big red circle and they're like, trim this. Yeah, this needs to be sorted. Yeah. Just needs to be sorted.