ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 06 2019

Episode Date: November 5, 2019

Fletch needs a new passport, your pranks at school and what were you banned for?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Warner Megan. Good morning. Good morning. Oh, God, he hasn't even got his headphones in. No point, no, no point. Do it. In they go. Oh, that's loud. It doesn't have to be that loud. You may begin. Hey. Is that the first time you're wearing a cap?

I think so. I've got shorts on. I've got shorts today too. Whoa, those are white leggies. Oh, all right. Wow. Yeah. All right.

It's been bloody winter, hasn't it? You've got a summer wardrobe. You've got a cap, shorts and sneakers on. Yeah, well, maybe I've been lulled into a false sense, but it's been very warm the last couple of days. Yeah. Well, we're all lulled because this weekend, it's rain, non-stop rain for the entire country.

Right. Right. But it could still be warm, right? It could be. Is it warm rain? Warm rain. I don't know. I didn't read that headline be warm, right? Warm rain or it could be. Is it warm rain? Warm rain. I don't know. I didn't read that headline.

It just said lots of rain. It didn't say anything about the temperature. Okay. So it's back into the top to bottom wet weather gear. Let me just have a look. Oh, no, this is going to be quite warm. You know, you're right. You're right.

Yeah, okay, but just a lot of rain. Warm rain. Warm rain. Nice. I'm okay with this. I'm okay with a light misting on the shin area. On the legs. Yeah.

Okay. As I move forward, if I move backwards, I'll of course get the back of the legs wet. Maybe I'll just go backwards and forwards just to make sure everything's adequately wet. Great. Have you decided on a top six or are you still juries out on that? Oh, juries out, mate. I don't know. I don't know.

He's come back from a couple of days holiday and he really can't be bothered. No, I just, nothing's really striking me. Spark joy. No, nothing's spark joy. So I've Marie Kondo'd it. It's gone. You're not doing the top six today. It's done.

Right. Okay, well, it's happening, so you're going to have to find something. Even if it doesn't spark joy. Don't look around. He's just like looking outside. Top six. Curtains. Top six things that can be curtains.

We were throwing around some ideas, but you're like, no. Yeah, because you guys are easy to throw ideas. Then you've got to come up with six jokey jokes about it. Are they meant to be jokes? What's that? Are they meant to be jokes? What's that? Are they meant to be jokes? It's good from you. You say one and you might know what one sounds like.

I'll wait for you. You go first. Ladies first. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Three news headlines. Interesting, quirky, odd, unusual news stories that are found online. Vaughan and Megan pick only one headline.

Headline one, $28 bet doesn't end well. Headline two, expensive Halloween for Californian woman. Or headline three, student sues uni for bad grades. What made Halloween expensive? For this woman. What was story one again? $28 bet doesn't end well. So the day after the Melbourne Cup is when you hear about those sorts of bets ending well.

I didn't see as many passed out drunk Melbourne Cup people this week, although they haven't looked properly. I saw that. What do you mean you haven't looked properly? A couple of old guys. Hopefully they're not still there. They'll be in a bad state if they're still there after we finish. Oh, I mean the photos, but I saw a couple of guys asleep and they were giving each other

a cuddle. That was pretty cute. Really? Just passed out on the lawn. That's cute. Yeah. That's nice. That's nice. That's sweet.

It's a $28 bet. You want that one? Yeah, I think so. What store is that? Number one. Number one. We want that one? I don't have any of them.

We go now to India, where according to police, a man and his friend were at a market getting a bite to eat when they began to argue. The subject of their conflict is unknown, but it somehow escalated into betting between the two for $28, 2,000 rupees, that he could down 50 eggs then and there. I saw this. Raw eggs or cooked eggs? Well, they purchased 50 hard-boiled eggs from a vendor.

No, you're going to die. And set to it. Now, he was making good time up until his 41st egg. Only a nine to go. He popped the 42nd egg into his mouth and fell unconscious. He was rushed to the local clinic and taken to the hospital there. Oh my God. A man died eating 42 eggs. Because they didn't really specify what of.

They said it was due to the consumption of eggs, but... You're just overeating. But what does that mean? Like, was it too many eggs or did he choke or like? Yeah, it's bizarre, isn't it? Where would that many eggs even fit? Like, surely it just filled up his stomach and then just caused a backlog. A backlog of eggs.

Yeah. Because you mentioned 42. That's a lot. That's a lot. It's a lot, especially hard-boiled. I was thinking you could probably drink 42. But then you'd vomit them out. Because remember, they were like,

don't eat more than two a day or something because of cholesterol. That was the egg. Yeah, that was the anti-egg brigade. I'm just on eggs. The other day, Megan, I think we should talk on air about the conversation we had about the poaching eggs. How you just pour the whole bowl in. That was me.

That was born. Yeah. Dean who works here. I gave him some eggs from the farm let. And he was like, you know how you poach eggs? I was like, vinegar and stir. And he's like, uh-uh. Get the whole pan boiling.

Crack all the eggs you're going to poach into one bowl. And then when the water's simmering away, pull them all in at once. I was like, this is madness. That sounds madness. Because I don't know how the whites don't all go together. They don't. They don't.

Have you tried it though? I have, I have. And did it work? Yes, fantastically. So don't put vinegar in? Nothing. Really? No, nothing.

But also like, I don't want to Skype, but my chickens lay a good egg. They're beautiful poaching eggs. But yeah, that's the thing. I didn't know that they are way different to eggs. You can actually see the egg white. Yeah, as opposed to the chickens in a cage. It's not like the yolk and everything else that's in the egg shell.

It's the yolk, the egg white, and then some other stuff. I don't know what the other stuff is. I think it's like the looser stuff. But yeah, that works a treat. Get the water going and then just pour them all in at once. Because you know, if you're doing it one at a time, it's not as good. It does work. Worked a bloody treat, in fact.

Shant go back. I shant. I simply shant. That's great. Shall I? No, I shant. Shall I return? No, I shart. I simply shart. That's great. Shall I? No, I shart. Shall I return? No, I shart. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

ZM. I was just reading like an actual scientific description of what I'm about to talk about. So we mentioned before that 75% of women like this and 66% of men do as well. Producer Caitlin's going very excited in the producer's studio. James is just nonchalantly eating a muesli bar.

Do you reckon James wouldn't be into this? It's bloody shenanigans. I don't reckon. I reckon he'd deal it out though. Have you not heard the Go Daddy? I reckon he'd deal it out. He's not not heard the Go Daddy? I ain't gonna yet. He's not afraid to

put his foot down. Okay. So 75% of women and 66% of men like hands on action on the bum and in the bedroom. Like a little

a little a little spank. Spank. Spanking. Spanking. No, let's say smacks. If you find that erotic,

you obviously weren't given enough hidings as a kid. I was like belted with the wooden spoon and stuff. And where do you stand on it? Caitlin, you may as well break the ice. Oh, why do I have to? Yeah, that's all right. What about you, Daddy? How do you like it? As the Daddy, do you do. Yeah, that's all right. What about you, Daddy? How do you like it?

As the Daddy, do you give it or, like, Daddies don't get smacked? What are you doing? Let's move on. Okay, we shouldn't have talked about this. I wondered why we were going down this line, Daddy. We're 46% of men. Yeah, I've never been smacked in an erotic... Man, I wouldn't like it, though.

Right, okay. Because it would just be like, take me immediately back to doing something minor as a child and getting whacked with an alcohol-themed pipe. Well, with the bare hand. A psychologist has said it's a fine line between pleasure and pain. I've heard that before. Yeah.

And usually it's the person receiving rather than the person dealing it out that gets the pleasure out of it. They've also said that they found murals in Pompeii that suggest that it has been a sexual practice since a long time ago. What were the murals? Just like... I don't know. Weird.

James, you still haven't said anything. Neither have you I see James hiding behind us you just always shouldn't even knock something until you try it I think is the

general rule yeah that's a good way to look at it rule of thumb well there's a difference between a knock and a smack

isn't there it's like an open hand slap on the ass. Wait a minute, why are you laughing, Megan? No. Because you got sent that paddle that time and you've used that, that leather paddle with the,

like the stud things at the top. It doesn't have studs on it. Don't make it creepy. Look, an emo kid's bloody van sneaker. It's got those steel stud things on it. It does not have studs on it. Whereas Fletcher's old school, he just licks his hand and then belts and then whacks open palm.

Why did we talk about this? Because you're by sickos. That's why. Well, and 75%, that's not sick. That's the population. That's the majority. That in a referendum would get us legalised cannabis. Or legalised arse smacking, but that went the other way, didn't it?

Didn't it? Yeah. Not smack kids, but... He's going to go home tonight and be like, can I just... How do you go about this? For me? Yeah.

We're sharing a room. We're all living in the same room at the moment. There'll be absolutely no paddywhack. Is that what you called it? Don't go knick-knack paddywhack when you call them don't go nick-nack paddy when you nick-nack paddy especially give a dog a bone give a dog a bone this old man came rolling home do you sing it while you're doing no you don't yuck you put the little you put that bum out and you like a bong he played're like, this old man, he played what? He played knick-knack on your bum. With a knick-knack, patty whack, give a dog a bone. This old man came rolling home.

She's like, I'm not into it. I'm like, neither. But we've started. This old man, he played too. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So there is something people are doing on Instagram and it needs to be addressed because they're hurting themselves. Nothing to do with selfies. People are

watching yoga tutorials and people, you know how you watch, you follow, or you might not, but you follow influencers who are really flexible and do yoga poses and stuff. And you're like, I'm going to get round to that one day. I don't follow, but I know of them and they always post like a downward dog

or a whatever. Yeah. At a beach or a nice. Fancy as poses. Yeah. And you're like, wow, that looks cool. I'm going to get around to doing that one day.

Well, apparently people are trying to mimic quite hard yoga poses for an Instagram post and they're hurting themselves. Brilliant. Right. Yeah. So we need to stop doing that, please.

Were they diving into the deep end of it? Yeah. So doing like, I don't even know if these are people who are actively doing yoga. Well, they can't be. You're just seeing a pose and being like, yeah, I can do that. I'll give that a go. And then, and then stretching. What kind of, what's the main injury?

Imagine it would be like you pop something. Or your neck. Strain. You get strains. A hard strain. But even like getting out of these poses, sometimes you have to be really careful and you have to do it the right way

and look after your neck and everything. So even if you just look at the hashtag yoga, it shows heaps of super flexible people. But now the new thing is to like do a pose in front of like a picturesque scenery. People have been doing that for a while. Yeah, but it's not a good idea if you're not obviously very good at yoga

and very flexible. Flexible, right. Do you still remember when you had your goal to touch your toes? How's that going? Gave up. But you did touch your toes, didn't you? No, I didn't. Oh, so you did.

What was that? No, someone gave you a tip on how to do it. Oh, everyone had lots of tips. Why'd you give up? Didn't you spin around or something? I don't know if I've told you guys, but I got shingles. I got shingles this year. That just blew everything out.

You were on about it. I stopped caring about going to the gym and stuff. I just stopped stretching. You know, it's like one of those things you're like, oh, well, I'm doing that. I'll do squats or something. You're like, I'll watch TV and I'll do squats. You never do. Those people that are like, oh, I'm going to get a treadmill

and put it in the lounge and I'm going to walk while I watch Shortland Street. And then your towel gets hung over it and then some more clothes get hung over it and then it's just like a really impractical clothes hanger. Yeah.

That costs you $2,000. Basically that, except with stretching my toes. So it didn't cost me stretching and touching my toes. So it didn't cost me anything. Right. But I don't know if you should

just rock into doing that because apparently ripping your hamstring and tearing your knee, something in your knee is the common injury. Right. What?

Of trying to touch your toes? Or doing yoga. I could probably, how many days have we got left back in the year? I watched a video of a dad, he just tried every day for 40 days

and on the 40th day, he got it. To touch his toes. Okay. But then what? If you don't do it again, you're going to lose it again. Oh yeah, but that's like anything If you don't do it again, you're going to lose it again. Oh, yeah, but that's, I mean, that's like anything, isn't it?

Oh, yeah, you just want to touch it once. Yeah. It's like running a marathon. You only need to do it once. Then you can just talk about it like the time you ran your marathon. Like you do. It was like 10 years ago. Yeah.

It was 10 years ago. Still talk about it like it was maybe earlier this year. Yeah. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A new study has found that kids that are, well, I guess, more attractive and good-looking do better in school than their less striking peers. So, I mean, just have a think back to your school days.

But wouldn't just the marks be, like, you're either right or wrong in tests? It doesn't really have any bearing on what you look like. Well, research has been done that has found that those people that are one standard deviation above average attain nearly five more months of schooling than an otherwise identical average-looking individual. Because the teacher would spend more time helping that individual. Yeah. Well presented. They'd get more help.

So there's been a couple of studies done and they actually like went through and rated like the kids on a scale of average. Oh my god that's so awful. Yeah and then they looked at how they did over their life and over school and stuff and that's what yeah.

Isn't that nuts? Wow. Imagine, yeah, imagine having to sit there and rate the looks of the children. That's terrible. Absolutely savage, isn't it? So it's obviously like a subconscious thing. Yeah, the finding is surprising they write

because prior research has shown that many of the factors of achievement, which they tend to focus on, such as like how good is the teacher, teacher quality, stuff like that, have relatively small effect on student achievement, often nearly zero. Wow. So it all comes down to you being, but yeah. So the teacher likes dealing with you because you're not as smelly. Yeah, you don't have a bung eye or something.

I don't know how bung eyes come into it. Leave the bung eye kid in the corner. No, there was one that when they went through and they had to put a child into four categories, attractive, unattractive, abnormal feature, or underfed or scruffy and dirty. Underfed or scruffy and dirty. Underfed or scruffy and dirty. And that's in the UK study.

That's how they rated all the kids. And then worked out how they did at school compared to their looks. To their looks. Imagine that. And found enough correlation to. Yeah. So that's not fair, though, because it's a hard time. Like, I had braces and acne.

It was real tough. And you were in that special classroom that had because it's a hard time. Like I had braces and acne. It was real tough. And you were in that special classroom that had a ramp going up to it? It was for the gifted and talented kids. Gate bag. Yeah, gifted and talented education from boys and girls. Thank you. We were smart. I had to be smart.

That's all I had going for me. I didn't smell. That's good. I didn't smell. That's good. I didn't smell. You hope. Yeah. Every teenage boy did of Lynx Africa. Yeah, NBO. Mixed together. What a delightful

scent it made. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top 6. Hello. Today's Top 6. The Top six idea is to replace Private Guy Fawkes as a celebration in early November.

Every year. The latest report I have was that firefighters were called to 55 fireworks-related blazes across the Upper North Island alone last night. I saw two fire engines coming into work this morning.

Going somewhere. Mount Wellington and Mount Eden were big ones in public areas. Yeah, I think that took them until 2am to get that one under control. A lot of hose was needed there. Oh my god. I heard the old volunteer fire siren a couple

of times last night, meaning it was enough for them to get called out to scream out somewhere in the fire truck and try to put it out. So we ran a little poll on our Instagram story, FBMZM, should we keep them for private usage or not? 75% of people said no. Also, not only the fires, like pets don't like them.

I know that not everyone's opted to have a pet, but like there's heaps of animals just get real scared. Yeah. Not down for it. So yeah, 75% of people. That's never what they used to be, the old. No, they're just fizzers. All you can have in your backyard is those ones that go.

That's actually pretty good. And then one of those wheels that goes... Yeah. See, more public displays, you know, where they let them off from a hill or the beach or barges. Yeah. Way better. And when they bang, you're feeling in or the beach or barges. Yeah. Way better. And when they bang, you feel it in your chest.

Somebody said they don't always go well. The public display in Palmerston North last night caught the riverbank on fire. Oh, no. So at least that's one fire, isn't it, as opposed to ten? That's very true. Like I'm looking at the positives here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One big one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Rather than ten small ones. So the top six ideas to replace Guy Fawkes. We need something to do in early November. Push on through. Yep. Number six, this idea comes from Bosnia. Okay.

Excuse me if you're Bosnian and listening to the show and I pronounce this wrong, but Chimbroujada. In Bosnia, this is a spring festival, and of course we're in spring now. Chimbroujada is the festival of scrambled eggs where you go into the city park and there's free scrambled eggs. Someone just makes up heaps of scrambled eggs.

People apparently love this so much they go from around the world to it. Just scrambled eggs made in large quantities. Different, like you could go for the creamy pot. Oh, yum. Not creamy pot. I love scrambled eggs. It sounds fantastic.

Do you get toast? Or... BYO toast, I'd imagine. Oh, okay. I can do that. Yeah. Bring your own toast, scrambled eggs. Okay.

And then there might be like a condiments... Yeah. A condiments table, put a bit of hot sauce on them. Put a rubber bit of chives. Yeah. Tomato sauce, that would be controversial. Oh my God, this is actually a thing. I've just Googled it. Chimboriata. Wow. Is that your guess sauce. That would be controversial. Oh, my God. This is actually a thing. I've just Googled it.

Chimboriata. Wow. Is that your guess on how that would be said? Scrambled egg forks. Yeah. November whatever it is. Yeah. Well, yeah.

He did scrambled egg with a fork, so that'd be great. Number five on the list of the top six ideas to replace Guy Fawkes, Easter 2.0. Oh, okay. It's Easter. Yeah. Again. Do we need that? Yes. Well, that's the thing is Easter's in the northern hemisphere. That's a spring time. It's Easter again. Do we need that?

Well, that's the thing is Easter's in the northern hemisphere. That's a springtime thing. But down here we have it when we're going into winter. I like it going into winter though because like it's not ideal going into summer. Chance of better weather too. Lots of chalky. At Easter. Yeah. Right.

A little unpredictable. So what would happen? Does Jesus come again? In this Easter 2.0, what's the tie in here? We're going to need a story. Jesus is just like, hey, it's almost my birthday. Don't forget about me. Oh, God, he's one of those friends.

It happens again. It happens. The whole thing happens again. It happens again. He's like, I'm having another dinner party. No one be a dick. Right. And Judas is like, it won't happen again.

Sounds like you're making that up. Yeah, I am. Give it 2,000 years to settle. Yeah, okay. Give it some time to settle. Number four on the list of the top six ideas to replace Guy Fawkes, Bryan Adams. Yeah.

Who sung Summer of 69. Yeah. Amongst other amazing Bryan Adams hits. Are you getting some Bryan Adams? I'm going to find Summer of 69 because that's an Bryan Adams hits Are you getting some Bryan Adams? I'm going to find Summer of 69 because that's an absolute banger

It's a classic Especially when you're drunk on a boat Why on a boat? I've just got a memory of being drunk on a boat singing Summer of 69 Oh

Carry on Bam Bam Oh wait Got my first real six string Bam Bam

Well the November 5th is Brian Adams' birthday. Oh, okay. He was 60 yesterday. Was he? What a time to celebrate. So every November 5th, rather than having Guy Fawkes, you go out on your lawn and you play Brian Adams' Summer of 69 as loud as you can.

Everyone will be at different parts of the song. We have to sync it up. That's the night. Imagine going outside and you can just hear this part kicking in Oh it'd be great And then down the road a bit someone's just starting it And then you go to like a public display And it's just really loud Brian Adams

There's just Brian Adams everywhere Yeah There's just Bryan Adams everywhere. Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't even feel happy. That could work, hey? I see. That could do it. He sounds the same in every part of the song. Oh, I was trying to find... Here we go.

Yeah, I just instantly feel happier. What a great, happy song. Yeah, it's a great song. Yeah, okay, great idea, Vaughn. But is it a depressing song when you think about it? Those are the best days of my life. Oh, yeah, his best days are gone. His best days are done.

It was a while ago, too. That was a downer. 50 years ago, this year, best days are gone. His best days are done. It was a while ago, too. That was a downer. 50 years ago this year, the summer of 69. It's not when the song came out, but that's just the song that it was written about. Number three on the list of the top six ideas to replace Guy Fawkes are taco week. Taco week.

Taco Tuesday's good. Yep. Taco week. Monday, beef tacos. Tuesday, chicken tacos. With beef, do you put in mince? Because I hate mince tacos. What?

What? It falls out. Chicken tacos or no tacos? Yeah, but chicken rolls out too. No, chicken chunks will roll out. Just cook some schnitzel and the flavouring there. Cook a steak and slice it up. Yeah.

Nah. Monday, mince. Okay. Tuesday, chicken. Thank you. Wednesday, fish. Yes. Man, fish tacos are good.

And then pork. Pork and then vegetarian. No. Halloumi tacos. Oh, yeah, okay. Would that be nice? Yeah, yeah. And then Friday, you pick your favourite. And then do it again. M that be nice? Yeah, yeah. And then Friday you pick your favourite.

And then do it again. Mints again. I'd go chicken. And do that again. Mints, tacos, eh. It rolls out. Like little bits. But that's on you.

No, you buy that and you go. It's like a dump truck dumping gravel into your mouth and it's all over your chin and it rolls everywhere. Tasty, soft gravel. Yeah. You're not eating a hard shell taco though, are you? On a shit note. Oh, I'm eating a hard shell.

How do you eat mince in a hard shell? That's just trouble. I'll just get it all over me. Why do they even have hard shell tacos? You're a monster. Because it's like a chippy. It's like a chippy is wrapped up by food. No, because they don't like individual.

It's just like a nice ch chippy, wrapped up my food. Soft or nothing. Go home, Sally. Get a job. It's not even your real name at the moment, but I'm calling you by your maiden. That's how disappointed I am. He's removed your state of marriage to address you by your maiden name. Go home.

To shame your family. He wanted to publicly shame the people who are responsible for this. He doesn't want to sully your married family's name. Yeah, I wouldn't do that. With his disappointment. To Mr. Toyboy's family. I just couldn't do that. They'd be soft shellers, I'm sure.

Oh, they're big soft shellers. Number two on the list of the top six ideas to replace Guy Fawkes yesterday was also love your red hair day. So that's where people with red hair appreciate their own red hair. But then I think the rest of us should also appreciate it. Sniff it.

No, I don't think we sniff it. Do we not sniff it? No. We don't sniff people's hair. Permission to sniff? Are you... You're sounding creepy. You should always ask.

Yes. Hello, it's Love Your Red Hair Day. Can I have a sniff? Yuck. And number one on the list of the top six ideas to replace Guy Fawkes. Stay with me. But we get like this big round grass. And then we, I was thinking of just like fast animals.

I'm thinking horses. Yeah. And we get people on the horses' backs. And they run around the circle as quick as they can. But here's the catch. It's not even about the horses. It's about getting really drunk and nice clothing. Right, okay.

What happens if the horses take a tumble? We play Bryan Adams and we euthanise them. Listen to all those hard drum beats. Easy to disguise a gunshot amongst this. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Bang, bang, bang. No, I'm not shooting a horse every time I'm saying bang.

I'm just saying these are the opportunities. Yeah, yeah. Horrible. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. Not for the horse. I still think we should do Brian Adams Day instead of Guy Fawkes. Yeah, me too. It's next year, mark it down, we're going to do Brian Adams Day.

Caitlin, put a reminder in. But no context, because we won't remember this. And then we'll be really confused. This is the day that we spoke about putting the reminder in when we go to talk about it. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast.

A 17-year-old has been banned from Fortnite, the video game. He's received a life ban. Are people still playing? Yeah. I mean, obviously they are, but are many people still playing? Yeah. This guy's got 2 million YouTube fans. He's from the FaZe Clan.

That's a group of dudes who got together and, how do you describe that for people who don't know? Like a team. Yeah, okay. Basically. Yeah. But they call them clans in online gaming worlds. And he's been banned because he used forbidden software

to make auto-aiming better. So there was no skill involved in his aiming. So it would lock onto the target. Yeah. Oh, that would have been so good when I was playing Fortnite, though. Oh, wow. Yeah, because that's where you went wrong. You just couldn't shoot anyone.

It's hard to shoot at someone when they're shooting at you because there's a lot of panic. You gave the sky a hell of a fright, though. Thanks. Take that atmosphere. How do people even know how to do this? I don't know. I don't know.

It's beyond me. But anyway, he was quite upset. Here's the audio of him. You know, it's crazy that I can never play Fortnite again or even create content for you guys. You know, it's obvious that I made a massive mistake. And of course, I would never think about doing anything like this again. You know, when I was making those videos, I never thought about the consequence.

I never thought about the consequences that could happen from me making those videos. I just thought about the consequences that could happen from me making those videos. I just thought about entertaining you guys. It's actually quite sad when you think he's just a 17-year-old kid and he's crying. He's been banned for Fortnite for life. And everyone's been really mean to him online. But he was technically... He was cheating. Like, that's pretty bad.

He said he didn't use the aim bots and there's no proof that he used the aim bots in competitive matches. We learned earlier this year massive amounts of prize money. Oh, yeah, millions of dollars. So I guess they kind of have to take a stand, otherwise people will do this. Yeah, to ban them. So, yeah, he used them when he was making videos, though, and that's where he received his ban from.

Right. So technically not while he was playing. Yeah. But if he was getting millions of followers and views, that'd be so much money. Yeah, he'd be making money off his YouTube subscribers. Which is probably why he's crying the most. Because he's saying goodbye to so much money and he's 17.

What were you doing for money when you were 17? I was milking cows. Yeah. It wasn't great money and it wasn't fun. Yeah, I know. So, yeah, he was making money and it wasn't fun. Yeah, I know. So, yeah, he was making money and having fun. So I can see why he's upset. But we were wondering this morning what you're banned from.

Yeah, have you ever received a, whether it was a lifetime ban or a short ban? Or lifetime bans worth more points. Like Megan's ban. Yeah, I knew you were going to say this. It doesn't exist anymore. It's been lifted. Thank you. You're talking about Rick and Amal, right?

Yeah. It was when I was young and very silly. How heavily monitored? Do they monitor the bands? It's like a trespass, isn't it? They take your picture and put it on the wall in the office. So you were like the lucky shopper. Yeah.

I reckon a massive mall like that, you'd easily be able to get back in. I never. It was a two-year ban and I never tried it. You never went back. Because I was so ashamed myself. You tried to shoplift something, didn't you? It's so naughty. One time.

I was obviously very bad at it. Yeah. And it was a very silly thing to do. Okay. And you received a ban. I guess it's that kind of ban. Yeah. Ban from places.

I don't know. What else could you be banned from? Fortnite. I think that's what kind of ban. Yeah. Ban from places. I don't know. What else could you be banned from? Fortnite. I think that's what we want to know. Have you ever received a ban? And what was it for? For how long? I mean, bonus points if it was a lifetime ban from something.

Yeah. 0800 DARS at M. Give us a call. You can text 9696 as well. We're talking about what you've been banned from. A 17-year-old's been banned. He's a British Fortnite, professional Fortnite player. Yeah, has a YouTube channel, millions of subscribers, makes thousands of dollars.

He's been banned because he used an aimbot. So we want to know what you've been banned from. Somebody messaged in saying their mum was banned from Farmville back in the day. How do you get banned from Farmville back in the day. How do you get banned from Farmville? She had eight accounts that she'd created to help her build her farm and was using them all regularly so you could gift other farmers things. Oh, okay.

So she'd created multiple accounts to prop up her main farm. Yeah. But she's not getting any money out of it, though. She was basically running shell companies, Megan, within the game of Farmville. Shell companies. And they recognised that the same IP address

was accessing eight different accounts and always to the benefit of one account, so they banned it. But what do they care? Like, not making money? Well, they're probably

not making money out of her. Oh, right. Because she's using eight accounts instead. At least she's not, you know, a mum hooked on casks of Chardonnay, you know, with an alcohol problem when the kids are at school.

It's just Farmville. Yeah. Worst things to be addicted to. Well, she'd be getting up every eight hours to harvest her blueberries. What was the one that grew in one hour and then you forgot about it and then got back the rotten? Raspberries? Yeah, raspberries.

That's right, because as long as they took to grow, it was as long as they'd last before they went wrong. Yeah. Oosh. Somebody said, I got a lifetime ban from the Trade Me chat rooms. No, they weren't. They got message boards. Right.

But maybe back in the day they had chat rooms. Maybe they had chat rooms. But, well, jokes on them because they don't have chat rooms anymore. Yeah. They just have a lifetime ban. Somebody messaged in saying their husband has banned them from credit cards. He made me sign a legally binding contract put together by our lawyer accepting this ban and that I would not get any more credit cards. But what happens if they break the ban?

Divorce. I don't know. What is the consequence? You need to have consequence because otherwise I'd just do it anyway. But your first husband did take the credit card and you remembered the number. Yeah, that's how I... But that wasn't a legally binding contract.

He just took the... Yeah. Yeah. The actual credit card. Three mates got a lifetime ban from a bar for climbing

into the ceiling space. The ceiling cracked under them and they fell through onto the dance floor. They were chased out and caught when they stopped

for McDonald's. Why were they in the ceiling space? It's probably seemed like a fun thing to do at the time. You're right. Yeah.

I don't know. We've got an anonymous caller. Anonymous, what happened? What did you get banned from? So we smuggled a kitten into a hotel or one of the outriggers

in Honolulu, Hawaii and left it in the room and while we were out, the room got made up by the maid, obviously, and this kitten swiped at her from under the bed and we got thrown out when we got back. Where did you find the kitten? Was it a stray kitten?

No, we were actually working there on a boat. So we had it on the boat with us and then when we went to stay in the hotel, we took it with us. And then they kicked you out and banned you from the hotel

for a cute kitten. Well, you're not supposed to have animals in there, are you? No, and apparently the maid or the housekeeping was

absolutely mortified or petrified, rather. Because she didn't expect a cat to come out from under the bed. For a split second, she thought it was

a monster. Maybe. Anonymous, thanks for your call. I was banned from Club Penguin for life. That's another game. Yeah. Club Penguin, massive. Okay.

What do you do in Club Penguin? We wander around. There's lots of penguins. Okay. You're not clubbing the penguins, though, right? No, no, no. Oh, my God, imagine that. You get off the cruise ship and you have to club as many penguins.

They were a member of Club Penguin. They were banned from life because a penguin threw a snowball at me and I dropped the F-bomb. And F-bomb was enough to get you banned from Club Penguin. Club Penguin, wow. Yeah. I got a year banned from using the computer at primary school in the library. That's really tickled Megan.

The penguin threw a snowball at them. And they were like. And they're like, oh, you're out. You're right. I just think that's such a stupid thing. To be banned for. But as Club Penguin, there was absolutely, you couldn't, you couldn't. There was no obscenities in Club Penguin.

Absolutely no obscenities in Club Penguin. This isn't a joke. It was a very serious. Take a look at yourself. Why? For getting banned? Why is this so funny? Are you saying Club Penguin, take a look at yourself?

Or take a look at yourself for playing Club Penguin? Yeah. That's so funny. But it was massive. Club Penguin. Yeah. That's so funny. But it was massive. Club Penguin was huge. And kids could play it because you couldn't have free speech.

You could only select, I believe, you could only select from certain things. The penguins were a snowball at them and they slept. They were like, ah, Penguin.

And they were like, oh no, you're out, mate. You can't do that. Not to one of our employees. Oh, shit. Not to one of our Penguin employees. That's what I needed. A year banned from using

the computer at programming school as I moved the main window on Windows 3.1 to get to another program rather than minimising it. Seems harsh. That was enough. Seems harsh.

That was enough. Yeah. Somebody else got banned from Club Penguin too. They've just messaged in. What did they do? Don't worry, there's a Facebook group

for people who have received some sort of ban from Club Penguin. I need to go look at this. All right. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far? And it's all thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor. Do you love free data? Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay.

Hey, guys, let's get back into that podcast. Christmas. How many days away are we? 48. 48 days away from Christmas. How many paydays is that? Depends on your payday. But even if you get it every two weeks or month, it's not many, is it?

Well, this study has looked into wrapping presents and how you should wrap your presents. When it comes to presents, Megan, out of anyone I know, like you say ribbons and amazing paper. You love wrapping presents. Yes. I always have a theme for Christmas. Christmas is special.

But usually for a standard present I have two papers that I use and then a ribbon. That's standard. So like two... What do you mean two papers and a ribbon? So I like wrap the whole thing in one paper and then I'll do like another strip of something else

as like a contrast and then I'll have a ribbon. You can always tell how much I like you by the ribbon I give you. If you get a wire edge ribbon from me, those are my favourite. A wire edge ribbon.

They hold their shape, don't they? I really like you. I'm with Vaughan. People are just going to rip this off and then it's on a pile. It's literally

discarded in seconds. even if the present's a bit av, when you give it to them, they were always like, oh my God, this is amazing. You're like, fuck, you don't know what's when you give it to them, they were always like, oh my God, this is amazing. You're like, you don't know what's in it yet.

Here's what a study has found. Right. That if presents are perfectly wrapped and are extra bougie, expectations are hard to meet. Oh yeah, I probably agree with that. Yeah, the wrapping's better than the present. This causes presents that are well presented to be received less warmly overall. Oh, really? Yeah.

Okay. See, I get this from my mum because when we're like growing up, mum used to raffle the presents under the tree and she literally kind of gathers it up

in a crumple and puts tape eerie fairy. Yeah, so that's the thing. Messy presents, there's lower expectations because people are saying a messily wrapped gift. They're like, this isn't going to be great.

It's just going to be average. And then it's better than they expect because of the wrapping. See, I always thought it was the opposite. Like even if the present wasn't very good, or they weren't very happy with it, they'd be like, wow, when they first get it. The presentation. So there is a little catch here to the

findings of the study. If you're giving an acquaintance, so not a really good friend, if you're giving an acquaintance a really sloppy wrapped gift, they're gonna view that as that you don't value them that much. I wouldn't give an acquaintance a gift. No, exactly.

I wouldn't even value them enough to give them a gift. Exactly. Exactly. Regardless of that. That was kind of the them enough to give them a gift. Exactly, exactly. Regardless of that. That was kind of the only little kind of side to that study. But otherwise, if it's like a love on a family member, a close friend, maybe don't go too overboard with the, I mean, it depends on your gift, doesn't it? Yeah. As well.

I'm pretty good at presents. Hey. Hey. Yeah, she's pretty good at presents. Somebody messaged in saying their wife used the theme of the Christmas wrapping, much like you, Megan. Hey. Yeah, she's pretty good at presents. Somebody messaged in saying their wife used to theme the Christmas wrapping, much like you, Megan. Yeah. To the point where if anyone brought around a gift.

They don't like it under the tree because it ruins your whole aesthetic. She'd re-wrap it. She'd re-wrap it. Yeah, I'm close to doing that. And transfer the label. But if the label wasn't aesthetically pleasing, she'd rewrite their label for them as well. That's some real OCD though.

I don't want, because we're unwrapping presents at our house this year and I'm like, oh, everyone's going to bring their presents and ruin my aesthetic. Why do you think? Because we always turn up with the presents in a washing basket

and just plop the whole thing down. What happens to the ribbons though? They'll get all smudged. There's no ribbons. There's absolutely no ribbons. It's the cheapest wrapping paper. Yeah, and there's some of those really cheap labels. It's like to so

and so, from so and so, and it's got like Santa. To dad, from mum. Somebody said wrapping paper isn't recyclable. Which is great news because we always just burn ours. Well no, you could go get newsprint wrapping, couldn't you?

Like brown. Yeah. And make it hipster with some, like... You can get recycled wrapping paper. Is that recyclable? If you get recycled wrapping paper, can you then recycle it? No. Again. Well, maybe we should start, like, putting presents into, like, you know, the old box of laundry detergent. Countdown

bags. Imagine, you know, you open your Christmas present, it's in an old cold water surf container. Yeah, or those beeswax wrapping things that people get instead of your glad wrap. They cost you know, you open your Christmas present, it's in an old cold water surf container. Yeah, or those beeswax wrapping things that people get instead of your glad wrap. Yeah, but they cost $8,000. Yeah, imagine buying one of those for every one of your presents. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. I don't do a lot of online shopping because, I don't know. You do a little bit.

You do a little bit. I bet. You do a little bit. You do a little bit. Not as much as Megan. Yeah. Nah, I don't enjoy shopping. Like, not clothes shopping. Nah.

Because I think you've got to try it on. Yeah, otherwise you end up like Megan and Anya always sending back all your bags every week. Iconic. I have like a pretty good success rate. Like, I'd say a 75% success rate. Right. That's pretty good.

So it's a big carbon footprint because they all go back to Australia, Megan. What happened the other day? I reused the bag I got sent in. So the other day, I'm still kind of confused what happened because I bought, to be fair,

I went over my usual limit. I was like $212 or something like that. But then I got told, I got sent an email saying I had to pay $176 to release it from customs, which is almost as much as what I paid for it. Yeah, that's a bit rough. So I sent it back and I got a refund. I was like, I'm not paying that. So that's a bit of a loophole.

Like, does that work for drugs as well? If they catch you importing drugs, can you be like, nah, just send it back. Send it back. Send it back. Send it back because I've been caught.

Yeah, I don't want them to know. I think it's too late. I think it's too late. Yeah, right. Once you've been caught, I think it's too late.

Yeah. So, this starts on November 20th, this new GST rule. And it means if a company sells to New Zealand customers over $60,000 a year, so that's all your

big websites instantly, like Amazon I'm assuming all of your clothes. Iconic. Definitely, without a doubt. Then GST has to be added to any purchase of $1,000 or more. Oh, okay.

Which is weird because that's a high amount, right? Yeah. Nobody's buying $1,000 worth of stuff, are they? No. Well, not now that I've been told. No. That was kind of clever. But I suppose if you buy one thing that's over $1,000 online,

customs collects that GST. So if something's getting posted into the country and it's got an Amazon logo on the bag, I guess regardless whether or not it went through Amazon on the way, because a lot of times you buy off Amazon, it's another company that's using Amazon as a way to get their product out there. But they're not going to collect it on the website.

Customs collects it. Sounds like a lot of admin. And so if there must be some little box or something that's like tech paid. Yeah, right. Or some sort of proof that there's been GST paid on it. But if it's over $1,000. Because that also means there's going to be more scrutiny on those companies. So even if you are trying to get in like a couple of hundred dollars worth of stuff,

maybe they'll look more into those. Because I did see, when I was doing some shopping on Friday, there was on a website that I've been to before, there was a new tab that popped up and it kept calculating, this will incur this much duties. And I was like, get out of here, you pesky tab.

Yeah, telling me to spend more. But it kept coming up on this website saying that you will incur this amount of duties. So it doesn't mean you'll be paying more because imports price between $400 and $1,000

will become slightly cheaper as customs duties and levies will no longer be applied to goods under $1,000. So does that mean it's going to be better for me?

It sounds like it, doesn't it? It sounds also like a bit of a trap. But owed it from $400. It sounds like a trap. It does sound like a trap. That's what it sounds like.

It sounds like a trap. So tell me the limit I'm allowed then before I get in trubs. That's all I need to know. Well, it's different depending on what you buy though, isn't it? I've just got a message from your husband. He said your new limit is zero. Watch me. Regardless.

That's if he finds it. He had the day off on Monday and a bloody package arrived on Monday. I was trying to tell the courier to go, go. Don't leave it on the door. We don't live here anymore. Come back another day. I just imagine you're on the balcony just like, no, no, no. I learn all sorts of things about online shopping. Do you know you can nominate

like your supermarket as a place for your courier to get dropped off. And then when you go in, you can take in your ID and get your package from there and then you can unwrap it before you get home, dispose of the thing and then play the old game of I've had

this for ages. Yeah. That's great. This is other things I learned yesterday. Women exposing their secrets on Instagram. Yeah. People say they won it in a competition. Women buy things online and then say they won it in a competition. Like from, oh, I just won this new hair straightener on ZM.

Yeah. Unbelievable. You can use us. Use us. No, don't. I wonder how often we're dragged into this. No, only use us for cool stuff. Like, cool stuff. Yeah. Unbelievable. You can use us. Use us. No, don't. I wonder how often we're dragged into this. No, only use us for cool stuff. Like, cool stuff.

Yeah. Or like, yeah, someone like sent it to me. Somebody said one brand. I buy one brand of clothing a lot and every time I say to my partner, they're just rewarding me

for being a great customer. He's not believing that. This is a freebie. This is ridiculous. If he's believing that, she's getting away with a lot. And apparently on some shopping places now you can tick and for an extra couple of bucks

they'll make it look like you've won it. They'll be like, congratulations on winning your prize but you purchased that and then paid additional money to make it look like you won it. Amazing. Maybe we should branch out as a ZM side business. It comes through us.

It comes through us. So we're your proxy. And then we put a little congratulations thing in it. Congratulations for winning this. $15 a month. Laundry fee. As much shopping as you can, $15 a month flat fee. You've got a number

It's like with that You shop when You get it sent to this Oregon address In the US And then they send it to you And it's your name But it's got a funny number at the front Make some money out of that

Sounds great It does sound like a good idea It also sounds like a lot of admin It's like reverse drop shipping It's like a lot of double handling ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast Yesterday I had a confronting moment At the airport In security Just drop shipping. It's like a lot of double handling. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Yesterday I had a confronting moment at the airport in security.

It was quite busy yesterday. Was it? There's some lines. I was like. Oh, no. But all the people they can have on. You're not on. You're not the only person that travels.

Holy moly. What a wake up call. Sometimes there's not enough security or customs people there, but they had all the little customs people at their little podiums. Just call them little? How can we be patronising? Hello, little man. I'm back in the country.

Let me through your little gate. Good to see all you little people standing here helping me out. Why does he sit at the podiums? It's probably because he's sitting. I don't know. Anyway. I mean, they're at an elevated point, though. They're slightly elevated.

I think they sit on a stool. It's probably more of a stool. They're not on to a platform and they sit on a high stool. They're meant to look, I guess, a bit threatening. Because I saw them asking people to show them the bottom of their shoes yesterday. Oh, what's that for? Coldy die back. Well, maybe they'd been in an, I don't

know, on an island or something. Oh, right. And might have had like dirt or something. I don't know. It was weird. I've never seen them do that before. But it wasn't even there. It was before that at the electronic security gates where you put your passport in. Yeah. So I did that thing where you slide the passport in and it reads it. You look at the camera. Well, no, and then it opens the gates.

So I opened the gates. It was all fine. And then you stand where you meant to and you look at the camera. Well, no, and then it opens the gates. So I opened the gates and it was all fine and then you stand where you meant to and you look at the camera and it was like, fat. Did you have your hat on? No,

I always take my hat off because I don't have my hat on. It says no hats or sunglasses. So I was holding my hat and my sunglasses and I was looking

at the camera and it was like, and then the arrow was like, See, for me, it's when I had a friend or something, it's like something's partially covering my face. But for you, there's nothing. There's no hair.

There's no hair. I look exactly like in my passport. And I'm like, okay, well, I'll go back. I'll go back. I do it again. Put the passport in. It's like, the door's open. I go in.

Stand there to take the photo. And it's like. Again. Again. I'm fat. You may the photo, and it's like, fat. Again, again, fat. You may as well be yelling fat. Hey, fat face. You went away for five days and you've got fat. It's your profile picture.

What's it called? Passport photo. Is your passport's profile picture not? Maybe you were fat then and you're skinny now. But it led me out of the country. I went out of the country through the gate. And it's like, yep, you're you, unless we don't care. Did you have a little something on your face?

No, I was clean shaven. Did you lose weight over your quick holiday? Uh-oh. That's a good way of looking at it. Definitely not. Did you have a bung eye? I don't know. Did you get something in your eye over the weekend? I don't know, but then I had to go out of the gate and go to the desk

and wait in another line. And then the guy was like, heaps of questions. I was like, you machine just let me through into the country. Just let me go. So anyway, let me go. And I was like, well, what's the deal? Can I get a new passport photo or my money back? Because if this happens again, I'm definitely asking for a reshoot.

Of your passport Yeah Because it should work But you have to pay for a new passport No that's the principle of the matter I shouldn't have to pay Yeah right Machines don't work Why don't you go toe to toe with internal affairs

And take them to court It'll be a win for the little people Yeah For anyone that's got a machine That doesn't recognise their passport Right Recognise their face. I feel like Vaughan and I are just waiting.

You get through there, you pick up your bag, then what happens? Vaughan and I just wait for the moment we're done talking about this. My friend Caitlin and my friend Luke came to the airport and held a sign because that's been a lifelong dream. What did the sign say? Those soldiers that come home from war. What did the sign say? Just said welcome back. Did it?

Yeah, it did. It's a screen cap of what it said on my phone. Yeah, I think it says get out of my way. I get my daddy back today. Yeah. Well, that was a joke. It rhymes too. Yeah, that was a joke.

That's good. Wow. Okay, daddy. It's a lifelong dream to have a sign at the airport. Hey, daddy, don't you know need to explain yourself to us, Daddy? You're nearly laughing as much as with that penguin. I know. We were just waiting for you to get that out of your system

so we could talk about what we really wanted to talk about. We've got that out of the system. No, the fact that I need a new passport and a passport refund. Just check this Luke. He's not your child. Like, because he looked old enough that maybe you might have fathered a child in the late 90s. I don't think I've fathered a child. Well, you are from New Plymouth.

It's possible. A lot of teenage parents there. Yeah, right. Okay, thanks, Vaughn. Moving on. It's a couple of minutes away from eight. What's coming up on the show, Vaughan? I have no idea, Fletch.

Me either. It's on you. Me either. I'm laughing. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. You think the year's getting away on you and then- Well, 48 days till Christmas. And then you realise it has because

people, school students are on study leave now. As NZ CEA It's an NZ QA. I was looking at NZ QA and tried to say NCEA and my brain was just like

NCEA starts on Friday. That's crazy. This year's gone so fast. Level two, Pahisics, I believe it's pronounced. Pahisics, yep.

Pahisics. Yep. It starts at 9.30. That's crazy. This is the week that they start NCEA. So hence, a lot of study leave has led to the end of year pranks, which are

infamous. A lot of infamous end of year pranks and some principals have had enough. Have they? They're just letting loose. That's what you've got to do at the end of year. As long as it's not damaging property. They've got to put up this resistance.

They've got to put up this, oh, you can't do that. Because if they're like, great prank, I can't wait damaging property. They've got to put up this resistance. They've got to put up this whole, you can't do that. Because if they're like, great prank, I can't wait to see what you've got next year. Someone burns down the science block. Yeah, well, the president of the Auckland Secondary School's Principals Association, Richard Dykes, has slammed the prank week tradition, which sees year 13 students dedicating their final week at school before exams playing pranks. And they should be studying, shouldn't they, Richard? Yeah, there was a...

Mr Dykes. Sir. I'll just call you sir. Come on. Poor Mr Dykes. He would have had a lot of... There have been pranks in the news just last week where a security vehicle was vandalised,

one that was parked at a school grounds. Oh, you can't do that. Oh, no, see, that's probably... Some of the most famous ones I remember would be Roundup on the Lawn, the ones that have made the media. Well, the choice on them, because that's a carcinogenic.

Thanks, Monsanto. Isn't that more for boys than girls that do, like, the nudie egg run? Not anymore. Wasn't there a big issue with... Was it a couple of years ago that was the nudie egg run. There are nudie... Not anymore. Wasn't there a big issue with... Was it a couple of years ago? There was the nudie run gate? Well, there was...

Was it the... Who were the students on the motorbike and they ran over someone and they broke an ankle, didn't they? Good Lord. Hmm.

Okay. Yeah, it seems... It's not ideal. It's hard coming up with a good prank because you don't want any specific individual victimised. You don't want to damage property. You don't want to damage property.

You don't want to hurt anybody. Maybe, you know what, guys? Maybe a whoopee cushion. On the teacher's chair. Oh, no, because then that victimises the teacher. Yeah. That individual that singles them out. I remember a hearing of one and they put cups of, you know,

like beer pong cups. They just put hundreds of those upstairs and down the hallway so you couldn't move because it was just full of cups full of water. Yeah, but see, that's not good for the environment now. That's not good for the environment. Oh, yeah, okay, that was pre-caring before we all cared. Yeah, yeah, well, we should have started caring earlier, shouldn't we? What about recycled cups?

It's still wasteful, isn't it? Yeah. God, it's so hard to prank these days. It's hard to be woke and prank. Yeah. So I think we should take some calls this morning. Somebody said Dick Dykes was what they, he used to be their assistant principal.

Oh, yeah. And one year, the Year 13s let chickens into the staff room. Now, that provided adequate distraction to the staff who were dealing with their chicken problem, and they missed the underrun. No wonder Dick Dykes is all upset. If he's had chickens in the staff room, and now there's been a car vandalised.

We want to take your calls this morning on those legendary end-of of year pranks, or maybe those ones that backfired. Because they're saying some students have criminal records because of Prank Week. Well, yeah, that's the thing. You've got to think. It's a hard one to think of a good prank that's not going to land you with a permanent criminal record.

Well, it's always important to encourage the trouble kids at school to do the pranks. They're doomed anyway. Yeah, they're doomed anyway. They fall on the sword, but you've encouraged it. That's the way you'd look at that. Sit them down. Find the bullies or the ones that don't have a great future. Sit them down and be like, hey, look, you're doomed

to repeat the mistakes of your parents, who are terrible role models. I can see where you've turned out so poorly. Can you take the blame for the prank? I myself have a bright future ahead. I can't end up with any sort of permanent mark against my name. So we want to take your calls. 0800 dial ZM 9696.

Your legendary end of year school pranks that went down. Maybe they ended up in trouble. Maybe they went too far. Or maybe they were just right. Give us goals, hit em. We're talking about end of year pranks and you know you're getting old when you're reading some of those and be like, oh no, that's too far. Although I could see Vaude and Smith at school doing all of these. Well, I wasn't there for the last day of school, but also

I'd been in enough trouble that year. Oh, that's too much. Like with my parents, I didn't want to be banned from doing anything again. Yeah, right. I just, yeah, happily watched it all happen. Yeah, kept my head down. Man, there are some text messages and calls coming through. Somebody said, and I like these sorts of, there's been a few of these,

me and my identical twin switched classes for the day. No one had any idea. That's good. No, but come on, you'd do that, right? You'd do that? That's awesome. I wouldn't have waited until the last day of school to do it. That's for sure.

Yeah. Somebody said we used a high ab. Now, a high ab is a truck with a little crane on the back. Oh, okay. To put some massive rocks in front of our sister school's entrance. Oh, my God. They had to get a digger to get rid of them. They should have just hired the same high ab.

Yeah. Somebody else said that it was the head boy that played a prank that ruined every lock in the school. Went to school early and put some of that space-invading hardening foam in the school. Went to school early and put some of that space invading hardening foam in the locks. Had to pay for every lock to be replaced. How did they know

it was the head boy? Because he got caught. Oh, right. Wow. Somebody said Matamata College this year, this is my mother's old high school. Okay. They ended up having teachers patrol in the school to stop any pranks. At night. At night.

How much would you get paid to do a teacher's night patrol? Do you get an extra per diem? No. Do you get a day in lieu? Maybe access to the tuck shop? A free saucy roll at least. At the very least. Yeah.

Olive, end of year pranks. What happened at your school? Some year 13s threw a cascade firework into the boys' bathroom and it set the school on fire. Was this the one yesterday? Yeah. Oh my God.

Olive, that's not... That's arson. That's not a prank. And what happened to them? Um, we're not sure yet because no one really snitches in our school so we don't really know if a student can afford it or anything. Because snitches get stitches, don't they?

Yeah. Wow. I imagine the whole school's going to have to be sat down and they're going to do that thing that no one leaves until we find the arsonist. Well, they graduated yesterday. Oh, right. Okay. Oh my God. Well, enjoy prison, Olive. Hey, thanks for your call.

Jess, what prank happened at your school? Good morning. There was two that we did on our year 13 dean. So the year 13 boys carried his tiny little Toyota Corolla into the middle of our common room and hugged it inside because they picked it up and moved it for him. This guy should set a moving company

because I've tried moving a couch with, like, three people's hearts. I'm a bit of a pivot. And they also dismantled his entire office, so, like, the desk down to the bolts and the chair, everything, and wrapped everything in tinfoil individually and then put it all on the stage of our school. So he had to go, like, scavenger hunting for his whole office. Oh, my.

Was he impressed by that? But I'm still friends with him to this day. Ten years later, I'm still friends with him in real life. So he's such an amazing teacher. He really took it on the chin. So, yeah, none of us got in trouble. It was just this long-lasting joke. I'd be like, this is great.

I'm getting a photo for Instagram, but then you're all unwrapping this and putting it back. Yeah. Absolutely. It was legendary. Thanks, you called Jess. Alex, what was the end of your school prank? Yeah, so I was a junior in high school when we had some

of the seniors decide to bring a cow, like what you'd have on a farm, brought into the college. Alex, you need to clarify. Alex, thank you for explaining what a cow is. Hey, this is your editor who needed to explain to them. Hey, wait, Caitlin.

Caitlin's like, sorry, a what now? As calm as I know I'm a cow. Either way, so our school's multi-story and as it turns out, our seniors discovered that you can walk a cow upstairs,

you cannot walk a cow downstairs. And so we ended up getting the fire brigade in to attempt to try and get this cow down from the top floor of our school. Oh, my God. How did they do that? With a crank or something? I'm honestly not sure, but I can tell you it was remarkably entertaining. Yeah.

Wow. It's weird because people say cows can't walk downstairs, but we're like, our cows growing up, they'd walk downstairs. What kind of stairs? They can walk down ramps. They can walk downstairs. They can...

Well, yeah, ramps. You think at a cattle yard, they'll walk down a ramp, but they're not going to jump off the end of the cattle yard into the truck. What? Well, there's not like a leap or anything no no no no straight into the truck i've seen cows walk downstairs i'm going to i'm just going to need to google cows walking downstairs youtube hang on a, I'm just Googling here. There's a cow walking downstairs.

It seems like the cows won't walk downstairs on their own, but if you force them to, they can. Megan Fletcher's got a visual proof. Is that a donkey? No, it's a cow. You know, this is like, it looks like it's somewhere in the Middle East or something. Yeah, maybe. But it is doing it, but it's very sceptical.

It's like, what are these? Alex, thanks for your call. What are these? What are these? What are these? Well, it's done. It's just got to the bottom. Oh, because he was a cabbage.

That's why. Oh, it was enticed. It was enticed. It was bribed. It was enticed. Somebody said, oh, wow, how's this for a prank? They planted a whole bunch of trees. Take that, earth.

But where did they plant them, though? Take that, breathing air. I'd be impressed if they jackhammered the corridor up and... And found the dirt underneath and planted it henceforth. Uh, somebody said, uh, at our school, we got, we got given a list of pre-approved pranks that we could pull in the last week. Oh, that's cute. That's not going to work.

That's not going to work. No one's going to stick to that. Somebody said, my stepfather tells of a legendary prank at Henderson High School in Auckland where him and a large group of friends all flushed the toilet at the same time, and the pressure was too much and it burst a pipe. What?

Is that a thing? I don't think so. This is like walking a cow down the stairs. Sounds like one of those things. Yeah, that sort of thing. Surely not. How would you time it? Be like, on the bell. Yeah, everyone flush. On the bell, flush. How many sink watches? Ah, sounds silly. Throughout the whole school? I don't know how that sounds.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that it would be easier to launch all of our rubbish out of our solar system than it would be to chuck it into the sun. Because even I've said this, why don't we just chuck everything in the sun? Like it's a big incinerator. Yeah. And all of our rubbish. Yeah, right. It's our solar system's biggest burniton.

And it won't affect our ozone layer, right? It will be absolutely problem free. What, we compact all of our rubbish into a rocket? Yeah. And then just launch it? How much is that going to cost? Every month we shoot a rocket at the sun. Yeah, that'll be real cheap.

How much is all of our rubbish? Well, that's the thing, it's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. The idea is your payload's got to be pretty small. Right, can't we just keep sending it to Asia and they look after it? Or is that not working anymore? Well, that's the thing. It's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. The idea is your payload's got to be pretty small. Right. Can't we just keep sending it to Asia and they look after it?

Or is that not working anymore? Why don't we just fire it up in space? Have you seen how big it is up there? It's heaps of room. Yeah, but that seems like the sort of lack of foresight that's led us to this. It's ruined us in the first place. Yeah, we've littered our own planet. We're just going to litter space now.

Like it is actually already littered enough. Are you familiar with how we've ruined this our own planet. We're just going to litter space now. Like it is actually already littered enough. Familiar with how we've ruined this place? Yeah. But now we're trying to clean up this place. Yeah. Chuck it out there. It's like when you have to tidy your room. You put it under the bed.

Exactly. Or in the wardrobe and shut the door and you're like, problem solved. Space is our bed. Yeah. What? Space is our bed. Yeah. Chuck it under the bed. And we're putting the mess under it. Yeah. Yes. Or out there in it. And the sun is the bed. Yeah. What? Space is our bed. Yeah. And we're putting the mess under it.

Yeah. Yes. Or out there in it. And the sun is the wardrobe. Yep. Collectively, we can hide all of our problems in these areas. So apparently the physics involved in getting, like nuclear waste is the example they use.

Right. Like nuclear bombs that we're not going to use anymore. Yep. Wink, wink. Wink, wink. Yeah. Wink, wink. No, we've got rid of ours.

Have you guys got rid of yours? Yeah. Yeah, we all got rid of ours. You got rid of yours? Oh, yeah, we all got rid of ours. North Korea, you got rid of yours? We don't have any. We just pretend to.

I mean, yep. We've still got ours. They're bigger than ever before. So apparently, yeah, the amount of thrust to get it into the sun is significantly more than it would be just to shoot it the other way and get it out by Pluto. Which isn't even a planet anymore, so I reckon we just start flinging it in that direction.

And it's because of, it's like for the same reason that, you know, like Halley's Comet, how it goes around the sun and it gets a good run and you're like, well, if it's getting for the same reason that, you know, like Hayley's Comet, how it goes around the sun and it gets a good run and you're like, well, if it's getting that much of a run, why isn't it just hitting the sun? Because it flings it around it and flings it out again. And it's orbit. Yeah. It's like you running at your

drunk, really fat uncle and he's spinning. Yep. Right. So you're saying the rubbish would be you running at your fat uncle. Yeah, and he's the sun and he's spinning. Right. Right. So you're saying the rubbish would be you running at your fat uncle. Yeah, and he's the son and he's spinning. Right.

And you're really going to run to get in there because he's spinning but he's also, he's spinning so fast he's created a little vortex. Yeah.

It's a weird analogy. And you get in it and you get chucked out the other side rather than smashing straight into him. Okay. Yeah.

So unfortunately we can't take the shortcut of getting rid of our rubbish and our nuclear bombs and stuff by just chucking them in the sun. Even though it seems like such a great idea. What about chuck it at Jupiter? Is that the one with the ring around it? Saturn. Saturn.

Because that's like a vacuum cleaner. Just add to the ring. Chuck it in a gas giant. Yeah. Because the gravity so much it'll just like crush it in the middle. Okay, yeah, that's what I mean.

And then good news, if we just keep chucking it and then it can make its own planet because it's just gas, but now it'll have some solids. Yeah. Good thinking from you.

Thank you. Good thinking from you. What if the bomb went off and ignited Jupiter? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Classic humans. Whoopsie.

Whoopsie. We're doomed. So today's fact of the day is it would be easier to send our rubbish way out into outside of our solar system than it would be to get it into the sun. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. The better example would be if your fat uncle was in a spa pool and he was spinning. Okay.

And you jumped in to try to get to him, but it was too much. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Well, another old person has given out their secret to longevity, a 108-year- Wow. In the UK. And you might remember, because it's always things like ciggies and booze, eh? Candy. Remember there was, yeah, that one guy said it was lollies.

And there was another one, she was 109 in 2017. I don't know if she's still with us. Ruth was her name. She said bacon was her key. She was like, bacon bacon because they just basically name what they eat every day yeah yeah because that's like their secret that's got to be there imagine living to 108 no thank you horrible

well it depends on who's secret is she well she can hardly speak but she's still very bubbly um it just takes her a while to get her words out. So she has just celebrated her 108th birthday, and her key to long life, champagne. Her go-to is a bottle of Moet. A bottle of Moet? Apparently, because she lives in a home, and the people in the home that run the home are like,

it's the only thing we see her finish every day. Every day she cranks a bottle. She does a bottle apparently, yeah. A whole bottle? Yeah. Wow.

How does she get the lid off? Imagine someone has to get the lid off for her. I don't know if she does a whole bottle every day. Right. But she definitely does champagne.

She finishes the whole glass. She definitely does champagne every day, yeah. And it's definitely my wet. Yeah. And also credits herself with being around like a lot of friends and family. A very social person.

Right. Which they also say is quite a key to longevity. Because isn't there reports that champagne could actually be okay for your heart? Isn't that a thing? I'd be for that. Sure. And it's like lower in calories? or do I just tell myself that? No, I think you're right.

I think it's lower in calories than something. And you can have it for breakfast, mimosas. Yeah. You can have it for lunch. Champagne. And then dinner as well, just in its champagne form. And pudding. Yes.

Champagne pudding. Put a strawberry in it. So yeah, I can see how you could go through a whole bottle a day. Or two even. Why not? Doesn't the Queen have a champagne? What is it? The Queen's drinking regimen is quite...

She's about the gin. I thought she was a whiskey. The Queen's drinking schedule. Stand by. The Queen has four cocktails a day. Four cocktails a day. What is she having? She's not a pina colada lady.

No, I think she'd be like your traditional cocktails, like a Cosmo or something. Or like a, what's the whiskey one? The old fashioned. An old fashioned whiskey. She has a dry gin martini. Oh, yes. That's at lunch.

But she'll have a glass of meal, yes. That's at lunch. But she'll have a glass of meal and a piece of chocolate with lunch. Yeah. And, hold on, she has another drink before 1pm, so where else are we? Jeez. She'll do before lunch, she has a gin and Dubonnet. Oh, I don't know what that is. Dubonnet with a slice of lemon and a lot of ice.

Okay. Then she'll have a piece of chocolate glass of wine, and then she'll have a dry gin martini, and then she has a champagne before bed. Is that every day? Apparently. You're basically pickling yourself, though, eh? Is that how she's so old? She's all right, though.

Oh, she's fine. She's kicking. She still rides horses. Does she? Doesn't she? No. She's 19. No, you're confusing a

horse with a Land Rover. She still drives a Land Rover. But when would she be okay to drive? First thing in the morning? She can't be driving once she's on the gins. She'd be pulling the queen over for DIC. One is not amused. This year

There was a story saying Just a few months ago She was spotted riding horses Thank you On the grounds of Windsor Castle Yeah I remember seeing that So she was at least riding When she was 92

Good lord That would be sore That's nuts Very sore Very sore Very sore Yes Wow

Why don't you want her to fall off No you'd be gone You you want her to fall off? No you'd be gone Amy You're 93 and you fall off a horse You're going What would they do to the horse? Medical professionals would like us all To please stop crowdsourcing our STIs Crowdsourcing?

Like diagnoses Oh right I thought you meant Hey guys I'd like some chlamydia. I've got to set up a GoFundMe. No. So more than half, 58% of the posts about STIs between 2010 and 2019 on Reddit were asking people to diagnose.

Like being like, hey, do you think this is an STI? Oh, grim. Like putting up a picture or something. So not all of them put up a picture. So 58% of those posts were asking people if they had one. And then 31% of the people who asked included a picture. Wow. So other people just included descriptions.

Yeah. But yeah, there's pictures going up. And then one in five had already seen a medical professional and were asking for a second opinion. From the internet. Yeah. Who are not medical professionals. Yeah, medical professionals are saying this is a very worrying trend

considering that syphilis is on the rise in New Zealand. Right. Please go and see a doctor. And then, you know, the doctor knows best. Yeah, get checked up. How are our rates looking? I don't know.

What are you saying? It's on the rise. Syphilis. Yeah. Yeah. If they're going to, like, read it after they've been to a doctor, is that because the doctor said

you don't have it? Or did the doctor say you do have it? And they're like, do I really? On Reddit. Do I need to use this cream? Well, the doctor, you'd go and do some tests. So you can't deny

that. Surely. But if you're worried, just go to the doctor. But I mean, I guess it does cost but then for a lot of people it is free and there's, you know, the public sexual health. You can go along and get tested free there or go to your doctor. People that's embarrassed by it, that they would rather put a photo on Reddit.

I know. I would rather go to a medical professional who is then bound to not tell anyone. And then will treat you and make you better. Yeah. That's far less embarrassing than posting like a festering photo on Reddit. Yeah. I'm just looking. I've just found this.

I didn't even know this was an available resource. It's the sexually transmitted infection surveillance in New Zealand. And it's got like graphs. Okay. Well, the first quarter of 2019, there was a jump in general cases

of syphilis. Oh, okay. This is the rolling 12-month syphilis count. Okay. Second quarter of 2018 was a big one. Dipped down there for the third quarter, probably because it's winter. Yeah. And then the fourth quarter saw a slight rise

up again to the first quarter of 2019. Is this like, because you know, gonorrhea is a worry. Right. Is this like, do you remember your hometown of Hamilton was for years known as? Yeah, I think we've passed that off now. Yeah, do you have like regional stats?

We've got antibiotics and that got... No, it's just the different rates per 100,000 of gonorrhea and chlamydia. Yeah, the first quarter of 2019 was... I hope that stopped. Okay, well, I guess what we're learning from this is go get checked out. Yeah. Don't put pictures of your junk. No.

You're festering bumpy junk online because that's weird. I had to Google what syphilis was. Don't go to images. Online, that's where the anti-vaxxers live. So... Oh, yeah, that's true. That's not sound medical.

They'll be telling you to rub toothpaste on it or something. Well, not toothpaste. It's got fluoride in it. Yeah, that's true. That's not sound medical. They'll be telling you to rub toothpaste on it or something. Well not toothpaste, it's got fluoride in it. Yeah, that's true. Crystal, I think you'll find a rose quartz. We'll clear that up quite nicely.

With a bit of burning of white sage to purge the evil spirit of gonorrhea. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The Podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and Clinton

a listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. ZM.