ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 08 2018

Episode Date: November 7, 2018

NCEA starts today, Parental Extractions and your family Christmas traditions.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. That's nice. The primary school kids doing the things for other people. I think there needs to be a bit more of that taught in schools,

a bit of compassion. Maybe that's what we need. Is it too late to send Fletch back? I was about to say, someone need more Fletches. Fletch is an adult student and he's sitting there way too big for the chairs that are made for five-year-olds. And the teacher's like, we're going to be talking to old people. God, not old people.

What a drain on our tax system. Put them down. They are. They've had it too good too long. You know what it's like in meetings when people ask questions? Little Billy will ask a question and he'll be like, shut up, Billy. Oh, God. Get this over with.

Billy, that's a stupid question. Do you want to go home early or not? It's school, mate. You can't go home early from school. You're there the whole time regardless. Dammit. It was always more, be more fun to stool in something like a meeting

when you were at school. Yeah. Than have to do maths. But now when you're out, you just want to get meetings over as quick as possible, don't you? Yeah. Pretty much, yeah.

Maybe we should spend some of our time doing nice things for people in less fortunate circumstance of society. Sounded like you were choking as you were saying it. Dude. Like I was struggling to get it out. Nice things. Nice things. That was a struggle.

And now that it's out, I don't want to have to do it. But, we will. We will. What are you doing? It's like an eternal battle happening over here. We will. We will. We will? What are you doing? It's like an eternal battle happening over here. We will. We won't. We'll try our best to.

No, we won't. We will sew. You do. We do. We do already. We give things that we don't use anymore to the hospice shop. I hate giving them away. You don't. You don't use anymore to the hospice shop. I hate giving them away. You don't.

You don't use them anymore. You don't need them. You're talking too. We can hoard them. We do not need to hoard them. All right. They don't deserve them. It's not for the hospice.

They sell the money and they sell it and the money goes to helping out people in the hospice. They're going to die anyway. Yes, but let's make their last moments on earth. for the hospice. They sell the money and they sell it and the money goes to helping out people in the hospice. They're going to die anyway. Yes, but let's make their last moments on earth. Nice. Is this you talking to yourself every time you try to decide if you need to chuck something

out of your hoarder's garage? Pretty much. I'm just vocalising what happens. Don't tell them our secrets. It's not a secret. Stop being so weird. They're our friends. You don't have any friends.

All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time, three news headlines for three news stories. Vaughan and Megan pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, bare minimum. Headline two, the most Florida break-in ever. And headline three, gallery's new exhibition not going down well. What kind of, is it a beer like a grizzly, like a... Beer minimum as in the minimum, minimum.

Minimum. Nothing to do with beer. Or beers, or being naked. B-A-R-E. Yep. Or B-E-E-R or B-E- or being naked. B-A-R-E. Yep. Or B-E-E-R or B-E-A-R. B-A-R-E, beer minimum. Okay.

What one do you want? You just wait there a second, Fletch. We're having deliberations. I don't know. You exhausted yourself. I ran myself out before What does your other friend think? Two

He always just goes for two though Don't Always It's either two or like B Or whatever the second option is Right I don't know Very disagreeable

Run me through them Bare minimum Yep The most Florida break-in ever very disagreeable. Run me through them, bare minimum. Yep, the most Florida break-in ever or gallery's new exhibition not going down well. I kind of want to hear about the gallery's new exhibition not going well. Okay. Okay, yeah, let's hit it. Want to do that?

Put a culture to the show. We go now to London and one of the fine art museums, the Tate. The Tate. The Tate. The Tate Modern Gallery in London. Have you heard about it?

You would have seen friends go to it and Instagram it. It's got quite cool. Yeah. Like art and installations and stuff. Yeah, very cool. Yeah. Very cool. Well, unfortunately, their neighbours are not enjoying the Tate Modern Art Gallery.

Who lives next to an art gallery? Is it hoity-toity people? There are wealthy residents 200 feet away from the Tate. That's closer to the Tate. It turns out that a lot of people going to this free museum can actually stand on the 10th viewing deck of the Tate and look straight into wealthy people's apartments.

Oh! Like a real life art installation. The wealthy people of London. It's not part of it. No. So that's not something they're like, well yeah, have a peek at the neighbours. It was a tongue in cheek headline. Right.

About the fact that these rich people are pissed and they've actually... Do we know what the actual art installation is? At the moment. Oh, I don't know what's on at the moment, no. Okay. I mean, you can have a go at it. I'm going to take modern, right? So there's a small little dark sign with white lettering by the viewing deck that says,

please respect our neighbours' privacy. Why don't you cover it with something? Hinting at the legal squabble that is pitting a handful of luxury apartment dwellers against one of London's most important and free art museums. So yeah, apparently they're just annoyed that people are just perving into their apartments

200 feet away. Oh, I would though. They've filed a lawsuit against the Tate Modern arguing that the museum has created a state of near constant surveillance since opening the terrace. Okay. So it sounds like the terrace has been an addition,

this viewing deck. I wonder if it'll still be there when I go to London at the end of the year. I'll go and look at these people's houses. This must be a huge museum. There is so much happening. Like, oh yeah, I've heard it's amazing. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, 20, 20 different exhibitions.

So Monday marked the second day of hearings, so I don't know the latest on this, but it's ongoing. Apartment owners are seeking an injunction that would require the gallery to either restrict access to parts of the terrace adjacent to their home or erect a screen. Right. Got there with binoculars.

Surely you just, I mean, they don't want a bad screen. You wouldn't go for like a cheap one of those. They've even offered to pay for the screen, but the museum's like, no, we don't want it. Why is the museum playing hardball? Well, I guess they built a deck, a viewing deck, and they're like, well, what's the point? But what are they saying from this viewing deck other than the apartment?

Well, the thing is, the terrace is described as a 360-degree view of London, so that makes it a popular tourist attraction. That gets people there to the museum. That's why they built it. Right. But then while they're up there, they can perv on someone having a shower. Well, yeah, but I mean, why would you have a bathroom? I'm always, but last night, so I get undressed.

I get in the shower. Then I'm like, I've forgotten something. So I nip back down to the kitchen, full nuds. Down I run. I'm just like running around. Slightly damp feet. And Sade's like, I've asked you to stop doing that. What, running around naked?

Running around naked. I was like, no one can see me. And she's like, that one, that's wrong. Well, because the neighbour out the back can literally see right into our kitchen and that's where you are, right naked now with the lights on and it's dark outside. So it's almost like you're putting on a television show. Yeah, right. Well, if you live next to the tape, that could be.

They would totally be seeing my taint from the tape. Often. Because where I got was in the bottom drawer, that could be... They would totally be seeing my taint from the Tate. Often. Because where I got was in the bottom drawer, so I had to bend over for it too, so they would have totally got the full view of the Tate modern... Or the modern Tate. F.M. There is a Kiwi couple who went on their dream holiday

only to have a little whoopsie daisies when... Oh, God, I read this. Amateur hour. This is why I book all my travel myself. I knew you were going to say this because it was booked for a travel agent. So they wanted to go and visit this waterfall in Zambia, the Victoria Falls.

That was their final destination. So they were traveling around in Africa, right? In Africa, yeah. And so Zamb destination. So they were travelling around in Africa, right? In Africa, yeah. And so Zambia was where they were heading to before they flew home. Okay. Now it's when they got to the airport and they realised they got their

boarding pass and everything and they realised that they were flying to an African place starting with Z but it wasn't Zambia. They were flying out through Zimbabwe. Now they're both in Africa, but... They start with a Z. They're close to each other, right?

They're actually the only countries in the world that start with Z. Right, so an easy mistake. Well... But I read this yesterday. This is on them. Who doesn't look through their itinerary? Well, when you go to a travel agent, they sit down with you and go here, and then you're going here, and then you're going here. I read this yesterday. This is on them. Who doesn't look through their itinerary? Well, when you go to a travel agent,

they sit down with you and go here, and then you're going here, and then you're going here. They're literally right next to each other. They share quite a considerable amount of border. Yeah, but how big enough just to quickly drive across? Well, Africa is massive. I always forget how massive Africa is, but Zimbabwe, Zambia and Mozambique. And also they were flying out.

So they weren't staying in Zambia. It was like they were going to go to the Victoria Falls and then get out of there. So once they rectified the situation, they didn't have a lot of time. They only just made it. So it did almost ruin their holiday. So they did make it? I think so, yeah. Good work. That's like the amazing race, but they didn't even choose lot of time. They only just made it. So it did almost ruin their holiday. So they did make it? I think so, yeah. Good work.

That's like the amazing race, but they didn't even choose to be part of it. Was Phil Kogan at the airport? Why are they whinging about it? I thought they didn't make it. Well, because the travel agent stuffed it up. No, see, that's a good yarn. You've got to have good yarns during your holidays.

Oh, no, they only had two and a half hours, so they didn't make it. Oh. But it was something they dreamed. Hence they're having a whinge and but I mean I guess it's on the travel agent

a little bit but where were they? Did they look through the itinerary at all? Yeah but that's yeah that's I don't know if it is because they literally

sit you down and check off everything on the itinerary to make sure you agree with everything so I don't know if you would have a lot to be flying out of

one or the other right next to each other. And you check your itinerary, right? But this is a problem. So why do it yourself? Get like an app like TripUp. They're so good. No, but that's why I always get the travel agent to do it so I don't stuff it up.

Could have been worse. Because I would totally confuse my Z countries. Imagine if they thought they were flying out of Tasmania but they'd actually booked out of Tanzania. That could happen. I'm pretty sure you'd notice it when you got the price or the quote for that holiday. That's a long flight back from Tasmania.

Tanzania is probably more exciting than Tasmania. I'd love to go to Tasmania, both actually. People do this all the time. Like Melbourne, there's a Melbourne in Florida. There's a Melbourne obviously in Australia. See, I didn't know that. Different like, no, what is it? San Juan, there's a couple of San Juans.

Oh, yeah. There's lots of San. Lots of places that start with San. So people do this all the time. Yeah. And you'd never, and you know. Those are the same word. This is two different words.

Well, yeah. But then I'm looking at Africa, Niger's right next to Nigeria. That's confusing. That could be a confusing one as well. Put like a buffer down the middle Of a country that doesn't Almost look identical Apart from two additional letters Or whoever got named first

The name's taken pretty much Yeah Chucking a IA on the end Austria and Australia Would be confusing Yeah Greenland and Iceland Especially

It's seen as though Greenland is icy And Iceland is greeny But this is your job If you're a travel agent, isn't it? Yeah. This is why I got angry when I went into one and they got rid of that map of the world the size of the wall. What a handy reference point.

And then now they got all rid of them because they were redecorating or something or rebranding. And you miss the map, do you? I miss the map, but they obviously do too. They're booking them out of the wrong countries. The Top 6 With Vaughan Smith Hello there

Today's Top 6 Is the Top 6 Hot things about People's sexiest man Idris Elba He has been crowned 2018's sexiest man And no arguments

From this show Absolutely no arguments No arguments at all No Across the board Yeah Has there been some Controversy There's always controversy Every year When they choose Not a lot And no arguments from this show? Absolutely no arguments. No arguments at all, no. Across the board. Has there been some controversy? There's always controversy every year when they choose. Not a lot.

Not a lot. I mean, it's undeniable. There is one very funny article written, I mean, I just found it funny, by The Guardian. This was written by Casper Salmon. Okay. No bullshit. The guy's name is Caspar, like C-A-S-P-A-R,

not Casper, Caspar Salmon. Caspar Salmon. Caspar Salmon. I feel like that's also what Megan would call her kid. Lorenz and Casper Salmon. And you know how when like, when your parents are angry at you,

they use your middle name. Yeah. Casper Salmon gets, Salmon's the middle name and it just gets used. I'll write that down. Casper Salmon Papadopoulos. Casper Salmon. I'm going to write down Casper.

Casper Salmon Papadopoulos. I might spell it C-A-S-P-A. Casper. And Lorenz is always like, Mother, Casper Salmon is being outrageous. He's being outrageous. He's being outrageous It's being outrageous I'm the outrageous one in the family

That's why I'm Lorena's You're Casper Know your place, Casper So what did Casper write? Casper said Why is the winner of People Magazine's annual award so square-jawed, paternal and straight

and thinks it's about time a twink was Of course for those that don't know, Bourne What is a twink? Hold on He wrote what a twink was... Of course, for those that don't know, Bourne, what is a twink? Hold on, he wrote what a twink is somewhere in here. Oh, heck, I can't find it now. But, you know, just like a young, not like super masculine, maybe a bit more effeminate young man. Not your real blokey bloke. Like Troye Sivan.

Or who's the other one? Shawn Mendes. Shawn Mendes is on the butch end of twink, right? Okay, I'll just go by myself then. Thanks for the backup, guys. I'm like trying to Google a proper answer because you're digging yourself a hole. Twink is gay slang for a young man

in his late teens to early 20s who traits may include... Timothee Chalamet. Now, apparently is the apex twink. At the moment. Now, he was in the movie Call Me By Your Name. Is that what it was called?

He's going to be in that beautiful boy movie, which comes out, I think, this week. Oh, with Steve Carell. The book. Yeah, read the book. Yeah, so he plays the son that was the addict. He plays the drug addict. Wow. My wife read the book.

She said it was pretty intense. So, the top six. Back to big, masculine daddies. Side track by twinks there. Small twinks there. Don't we all. The top six hot things about people's sexiest man, Idris Elba. Number six.

I'm not even sure I'm saying his name right, but he probably wouldn't correct me. But if he did, I'd happily take that telling off, daddy. He's a daddy. I hope we get to interview him one day. I want to play him this. I want to know what to do with myself. I'm going to play him. I'd be more of a mess in person.

He's 46 years old. Is he? So, yeah, he's well into daddy territory. If he was in studio, who would carry that interview? Oh, we'd all be puddles on the floor. We'd be like that cornflower mix. We've been fans since the wire. I couldn't deal.

Can't put a foot wrong. Number five on the list of the top six hot things about people's sexiest man, Idris Elba, his smirk. You know that little Idris Elba smirk? It's like, he's a naughty daddy. And sometimes when he smirks, he shows his teeth. Have you seen his teeth? Yeah, really good teeth.

So good. The pearly whites. Noice. I think he might have bought one of those white teeth whitening things that Facebook keeps telling me. No, I liked it.

Those are natural. They're just white by nature. Okay. Number four on the list of the top six hot things about people's sexiest man, Idris Elba, is he's an actual daddy.

Like, daddy slang, but an actual daddy. He's got two children. He's got a 16-year-old daughter who he takes to, like, premieres and stuff. And he's got a son called Winston who's four years old. Oh, that's very cute. Yeah. On the note, though, he got married to a woman called Sonia Hamlin in 2006 and divorced her the very same year.

So I don't know what happened there. Maybe he's impulsive. Maybe she just wasn't cut out for him. She couldn't handle the sexiness. Okay. You think you can handle that, but then you get her and you're just like, I am wielding a very powerful weapon. This is more than I bargained for.

The top six hot things about people's sexiest man, Idris Elba. Number three, his height. He's 1.9 metres tall. Okay. And like, wagyu girthy. Yeah, right. You're going to say wagyu. Wagyu beef.

He would be a big old slice of wagyu beef, wouldn't he? If you were going to compare him to a slice of meat, it would be wagyu beef. Yeah. Number two on the list of the top six hot things about Idris Elba, People Magazine's sexiest man for 2018, his facial hair. Yeah. He can do no wrong. Salt and pepper.

Yes. Beard, moustache. I was hoping you'd mention the little salt and pepper beard. Goatee, and then it gets a little bit, as you say, salt and pepper, and it looks really good, and he can rock it, and it can look the shaggy look, it can look the classy look, you can do anything with it. And the number one sexiest thing about Idris Elba has got to be his voice.

It's really interesting to get nominated for that sort of thing because I'm just like, you guys, you've never seen me first thing in the morning when I'm looking rough. Oh! Okay. I will if you want me to. Rough. He's had an invitation.

Yeah. Rough, rough. Jesus. Okay, I feel creepy now. You done? That's the top six favourite things about everybody's daddy. Andrew Salva. You've got to feel sorry for this woman.

So people complain about dating now. It's hard. Imagine being this woman. She has had trouble with flatulence her whole life. Okay. Refrain from laughing. So she, it's so bad, she would eat something

and then literally her stomach would bloat and then she would fart. Yeah. Does she have some kind of intolerance? Intolerance.

She has chronic gastro problems but they haven't been able to nail down exactly what it is that's causing it. So she's like cut out dairy, she's cut out like gluten and stuff. She said gluten was helped a little bit when she cut that out. She's cut out like gluten and stuff. She said gluten helped a little bit when she cut that out. She's not celiac.

She's been tested for that. But she wouldn't go out anywhere unless she was close to a toilet. And then she would wear baggy clothes. She's quite slender naturally. But after she eats, there's a photo of how bloated her stomach gets. And so she would wear baggy clothes because straight after she'd eat, she'd bloat. And then she would fart. She'd do that poo thing.

Where somebody who's got like a healthy gut, they collect the poo, right, and they get the good bacteria from it. Oh, yeah, that's grim. And then put it in a poo. I mean, if you can get over the fact that you're putting someone's poo in your mouth, then that's probably for you.

They do suppositories of those too. But then that seems right against nature, doesn't it? Putting it back in. The idea is putting someone else's good bacteria in your body.

It'll balance out your bacteria. Because you've got to have a bit of a coli in there, right? You've got to have a bit. But it's when it gets out of control.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. That can make you sick. Because, yeah, and she's not always sure if it's going to be like audible or not audible. Oh, so what and she's not always sure if it's going to be like audible

or not audible. Oh, silent environment. So what she's saying is it's ruined her life. Yeah. Because she can't go on dates because she can't guarantee that she won't fart in front of him.

And she can't help it. So she probably doesn't want to go on dates with dudes who find farts funny or like would match her one for one because she's not really into it. It's not her choice to be fighting. Like, you know, occasionally you'll meet someone who really likes thinking that they'll – but she doesn't want to be with them.

She could go on dates with you though because you could match her one for one and then she wouldn't be embarrassed because yours are so nasty. No, I'd just blame her for them. I'd wait until she did one And then I'd Squeeze one out And be like Is that you Jesus

Oh you're awful Jesus Janice You're killing me over here What did you eat She's like I don't know What am I eating Look into it

So watch what she said Well she's gonna She's taking a few Multivitamins and stuff, which helps tone it down. She needs to go on that Undateable show. Yeah, I really like that show. It's so sweet when they hang out.

No, but that's no good. I don't know. Nah. Because have you seen that show? Everybody else is, it's really cute and stuff, but she just farts. She's not. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, I know. She's got her own issues. Well, they'd have to match her accordingly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they do do that on the undated balls. There's tears, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

A tiered system. Yeah. I thought you were saying there'd be tears in her eyes because her farts are so rank. She'd go on the show and give her someone with no legs and arms is what you were saying There'd be tears in her eyes Because her farts are so rank She'd go on the show And they'd give her someone With like no legs and arms Is what you're saying

That's okay That would be Well I'm not saying That's bad to have no legs or arms But you're saying That they'd need to match Her accordingly Exactly yeah yeah yeah

On the show Yeah right Which I think they do now Thinking back on those Bits of the undatables That have become like Really part of internet culture And like those millions of viewers And super cute And you like love it i feel that they've been matched up quite

well fledge vaughn and megan the podcast i just saw one of those um things on facebook where someone tweets something and then somebody else screencaps it and then uploads it okay what do we call those because to me they're not a meme well it's a rip-off meme, isn't it? But it's somebody's said something. Yeah. And then somebody else has been like, I like the way that's been said. And they screen cap it and then upload the photo of what was said initially in text as a photo,

including the person's username. I don't know if there's a name for that. It's a sub-meme. Do you reckon it's a screenshot meme? Yeah. What is it? Yeah, it's a screenshot, but it's not really a meme. Huh? It's not a meme. It's still anyway's a screenshot meme? Yeah. What is it? Yeah, it's a screenshot but it's not really a meme. Huh? It's not a meme.

Whatever we're calling those. Okay. I saw one and I thought, holy moly, this is a piece of genius. Maura Quint, who's got quite a few followers and everything on Twitter, she tweeted that if you're about to get married, send a

wedding invite to every billionaire whose office address you can find. And their personal assistants, more than likely, will just send you back a gift without even asking. They might have a rule in place saying, I can't go. She checks the schedule. They're busy.

They obviously can't go to that. But heck, they've been invited. I'll send them something. And then you get gifts from billionaires who don't muck around. What? What? Has this been tested? Well, what have you got to lose?

Nothing. Just get a few extra wedding invites printed. I mean, New Zealand don't have too many billionaires. Like Graham Hart is our billionaire. And there's one other guy that officially is classified as a billionaire. But you Graham Hart is our billionaire. Yeah. And there's one other guy that officially is classified as a billionaire. But you've seen

international ones. Yeah. I've done international. I've had some Australian ones. Or what if you're having your wedding and then this billionaire rocks up and he's just like,

I just wanted to come. But then, all so good. Yeah. Good yarn. And they won't come without a present. And all it's going to cost you

is however much you're paying for people's dinner. This is like the adult version of that. Do you remember when you were a kid, that book, Free Stuff for Kiwi Kids? Do you know, I bet I could almost, next time I go to my parents, I could almost find that. I'm pretty sure it's in the book cabinet in the garage that's just been left there to be covered in spiders. Had all those addresses for things. Do you ever have this, Megan?

Nah, I don't know what you're talking about. It was weird. Looking back on it, it was a weird time. 1990s. 1990s. 2000s, yeah. And someone compiled a book of how to get free stuff. So what kind of stuff was in it? Like what, did you write to someone? Samples. Yeah, you could get samples. A lot of samples.

You could get tons of samples. Or information. And I'm sure companies were like, who's done this? Who's given out the book? Yeah, that's the thing. I don't know if these companies knew that they were being put into this book in the 90s. Yeah, they just got kind of put in this book. And you could write away, could I have some information about the hoiho,

the yellow-eyed penguin? And that sends you like a hoiho and a big poster of a hoiho. And a block of mainland cheese. You'd be like, sweet, I've got a massive poster of a yellow-eyed penguin. Did they know about this book? That's the thing I don't know.

I don't know. If permission was sought. Because then I got inundated with kids being like, tell me something about the hoiho penguin. Well, every time we were bored on school holidays, mum would say,

why don't you write to someone to get something free from your book? So like we'd pick four or five each and because we had one of those rolls, you know,

because my parents, technically the farm was like a business, so they had like a roll of stamps. Oh, so you could send heaps of letters. So you could just be like, pull stick, pull stick, pull stick.

Sometimes you'd be like, I need this urgently. Two stamps, fast post. In the mailbox, and away you go. And you'd forget it. The best thing is that you'd do it. It would just keep you entertained for a while. You'd do it, you'd forget about it, and then there'd be a parcel arriving. You know how exciting that is when you forget you've ordered something online shopping now.

It was like that, but when you were eight. So you're just like absolutely buzzing. But like if you did a money registry or something or like did a honeymoon registry, suddenly like you've invited this billionaire and you just see like a thousand dollars in your registry. Give it a go. And apologies,

I can't come. That's okay. If it was only a thousand, I'd be a little bit like You're a billionaire. That is a B in your net worth. Not an M. M. So last night I had to sit down and work out a percentage of a massive area. An area of land.

An area. I had to sit down and work it out. An area of land or space. How big a space was. How big a percentage of this land was. I had to sit it down and work it out. Instantly, I'm like, I don't want to do this. But see, every now and then, I see something like that,

and I'm like, challenge accepted, life. Right. I see what you're doing here. Yeah. And I think back to Mr. Parker, my maths teacher, who said you'll definitely be using some of this out of school. I don't think he was under the impression that any of us were going to be like working out how to get a spaceship to dock with the space station.

Nobody was working for NASA or SpaceX after leaving Morrinsville College, were they? Some dude that I went to school with signed some like $40 million deal. What do you mean? What for? With some like massive company. But his science fair was about hydrogen cell batteries. So he was out of our league. My mum's like, remember this guy from school?

He's got some $40 million deal. What was your science fair project? One was the effects that industrial chemicals have on the body. And that was basically, so me and my friend Chris, because his dad worked at a dairy factory, and he could get us all these like extreme chemicals.

And so we went to like a meat works and we're like, can we get some cow eyes and got all these. And then melt them. And then melted them. Like Breaking Bad. Cool. I know. And like we were like,

our hypothesis is that it will burn the eyeball and smell. Is that also like the first step to becoming serial killers? We weren't killing the animals. They were being butchered for meat. We were just taking the bits that you can't eat and making use of them. Make use of the whole animal. For the advancement of science.

So you found something you wanted to do and then just like worked a science project. Didn't get a $40 million deal out of it though, did you? No. Got some weird looks. Okay. From the judges. Right.

But last night I sat down to work this out and I was like, what percentage of this? And I was like, I know the big bit of land, how big that is. So now I've got to work out how much the smaller bit is inside it. Okay. I've put my thinking hat on. Well, just measure it. So I, what? I don't know.

Well, no, that's what I was going to have to do, but then I was going to have to adjust the scale. La-di-da-di-da. Yeah, right. So I cut out a printout of the land. Yeah. And then, this sounds very basic, and then on Google Maps,

I zoomed in until it was the same and then put some tracing paper over and trace around it on the screen. My wife thinks I'm losing my mind at this stage. And then she said, I'm sure Google maps has a measuring tool. I'm like, no,

it doesn't. So I Googled Google maps, measuring tool. And lo and behold, if you right click on a Google map and select one point and then select another point, it tells you the distance between those two points. Using satellites. Mofos. Science.

Lo and behold, your wife was right. I know. So then I'm like, okay, so click, click, that's 150 metres. Yeah. Click, click, that's 150 more. And I did a square and it told me not only the distance of all four sides, but how much area was in the middle. I was like, boom.

I didn't need all my other maps that's just rattling around in here. So I selected all that in my brain and dragged it to the trash bin. I was like, you're taking up space that's not needed. I can fill you with pop culture knowledge. And I didn't even do that thing where I let it sit in the recycling bin for a minute. I just right click straight away. I'm like, delete. So my brain's incapable of working out area anymore, but I don't need it because I've got Google Maps.

Yeah, right. And then I just selected the other bit and then it told me the thing of that. And then what I haven't deleted is how to work out a percentage. Right. You take the smaller number and divide it by the bigger number. No, I just Googled that as well. Everything's Goog Right. You take the smaller number and divide it by the bigger number. No, I just Google that as well. Everything's Googled. You could totally Google that.

Yeah, I always Google that. What percentage is da-da-da of da-da-da? Yeah, and Google's just like, got your back. Yeah, exactly. You don't need maths. So don't even try, kids. Don't even bother. In fact, don't even learn it.

Just do something else. Uncle Fletch says, don't even bother. Well, unless you're going to work for NASA or SpaceX or, I don't know, be a pilot or an accountant. But see, even if I worked at SpaceX, because I imagine I've blagged my way in there. Yeah. And they're like, all right, we need to dock. We need to work out how we're going to dock with the space station. Because that thing's motoring, by the way.

You know, the International Space Station, that thing's honking. And they've got to work out how to get something to like kiss it pretty much. Yeah. Doc, I think is a different word. Kiss it. Or kiss. Spaceships kissing. That's how I like to imagine it.

International Space Station's a bit of a slut. Yeah. And the other space station's like, hey, baby. And he's like. Hey, the International Space Station can kiss as many rocket ships as it likes. Did you notice how both of those were male rockets too? Because I'm not a homophobe. On Earth or in space, I'm okay with homosexuality anywhere.

As opposed to some people who are homophobic in space but not on Earth. Not on Earth, yeah. While we're in space, you get lonely. It's like being homosexual in prison. It doesn't necessarily mean you're going to come out and be one in the free world, does it? Right, no.

It's just you made the most of your conditions. Okay. That can totally happen. What were we talking about? Working out the area of land using Google Maps. And now we're talking

about homosexual prison situations. These things happen. This is what my brain's full of now that I've deleted the knowledge of maths. And then I better for it. So here to sum it, if you're wanting to lose weight, but you know you're perfect just the way you are. But there are six weight loss myths.

Why can't I say that? Weight loss myths. Weight loss myths. Weight loss myths. Some of them are not as exciting as others. Myths. Why can't I say that? Weight loss myths. Weight loss myths. Some of them are not as exciting as others. Myth one. Sex counts as exercise.

That is not true. But what about when you get all sweaty? Okay. That's just you being gross. Or unfit. That was great. That has to be some exercise. So on average,

where are you going? Guys burn 100 calories per encounter and that is if your encounter is 25 minutes long. 25 minutes? 25? What does that include though? Clean up afterwards, lying there,

propositioning, like bothering them for it. That's always a good 20 minutes. Please, please, come on. Oh, there. Propositioning. Like bothering them for it. That's always a good 20 minutes. Please. Please. Come on. Oh, please. Please.

Please. Women burn less. 69 calories for 25 minutes. What? Say it. You said 69. Oh. Sex isn't in my fitness pal, by the way.

I've just looked up sex under cardio. Unless it's under strength No it's not because I've looked before as well Because you're always trying to get like Yeah yeah yeah when you're doing my fitness pal You're trying to get calories wherever you can Oh my god it says The average sexual encounter is 6 minutes long

So that means you'll burn A man will burn 20 calories Oh god That's not even a single Cadbury Roses chocolate No Myth two Oh God That's not even a single Cadbury Roses chocolate No Myth two, that small changes in your diet Leads to larger weight loss Because you know how

This annoys, this is my biggest pet peeve Is that someone will be like Oh do you know what, I've lost 5kgs And I've just stopped putting sugar in my coffee That's it How much sugar do you put in the coffee Janice? Well they say abs are made in the kitchen. Yeah.

So it's all about what you're eating. So if you think that small changes are going to help transform your body, it's not entirely true. But I mean, every little step helps. Taking the sugar out of your coffee will help. Myth number three, that you need to do hundreds of squats for the perfect bum. It's just simply not true. In fact, this article says that there are much better glute exercises than squats.

Like what? What are they? That are much more stressful on your body. Do you know donkey kicks are one of them? Oh, yeah, yeah. Where you're on. Donkey kicks. Because it can isolate the glute muscle.

Is that the one where you kick back? You're on all fours and you lift a leg and kick back. You could be on all fours or you can just do it standing. There's a machine for it, right? You can go alternate side to side. How is that better than a squat? Because it's less stressful on the rest of your body and it isolates the glutes. Yeah, because if I do like a squat or a lunge, my knees are like, help!

Mine clicks. It goes, clack, clack, clack, help! Yeah, it's not good. Jesus, what are you doing? You sound like a bunch of retirees that can only do aqua aerobics because your body's screwed. I wonder if you can hear my knee. Hang on. Oh!

Oh, my God! Let me out of here! Help! Yuck! Yuck! That sounded like when you're eating a chicken drumstick and you're, like, getting that little bit gristly bit off the top. That is disgusting.

Megan. Did anyone hear that? Oh, yeah. I'm so sorry. Is that okay? Like, have you had that checked? It doesn't hurt, but I mean, yeah, it's not great. It'll be all right.

Oh, my God. One day you'll wake up and it'll just be gone. Yeah, what's that song? Respect your knees because you'll miss them when they're gone. Myth four, calorie counting is the best way to see results. Basically, that's you need to have a balanced diet and calorie counting is not always good for you. But then MyFitnessPal can work for a lot of people, doesn't it?

Because I think it makes you realise what you're eating. A handy. Yeah. You're like, I've just, look, I've been good today. I'll just have a cookie time. No, but that's the thing. You bank up points so that you can have dessert. A hundred percent.

But that's not how good balanced diet works. Oh. And myth five, you need to eat leafy greens and cut out all sugar and alcohol. Again, balanced diet. They're saying leafy greens doesn't always give you enough protein. So to maintain muscle, a good balanced diet is what you need. And lastly, all carbs

should be forbidden. So apparently, the benefits of eating smart carbs is they give you energy, they help your brain, they help level out your blood sugar levels. What are smart? What are we talking here? Smart car. Brown rice, brown rice.

Definitely not biscuits. But it takes so much longer. I know, it's like, dear, I don't have eight hours to cook rice. Yeah. And then you see Georgia Fowler's Victoria's Secret diet plan and she's like, I don't eat carbs. Oh, doesn't she? But then they always celebrate the end of it by having a burger. She wouldn't have a burger,

would she? Maybe afterwards. Maybe after that show. Okay. Just looking what smart carbs are. But it's like... Any fun carbs? Nah. Like the bun of a burger?

It's pretty... Because if you break that down, it's salad, protein and carbs. Sweet potatoes. That's the only thing on this list that I can find that sounds fun. Can you deep fry them? Okay. No. FM. After 8 this morning, we're doing a segment called Today in NCEA.

And it's going to be a segment of the show where we see if we can answer some of the questions from like mock exams and stuff that people would be going through for NCEA. I'll tell you right now. We're going to be rubbish. I'm not confident.

No, I'm not. Okay. Don't worry. Also, we're not going to be like having to vocalise an essay on Shakespeare after I call. No. We're English questions. We're just multi-choicing sort of things. But one thing,

because our connection to the NCEA world, our key to the door, is producer Anya's mum, who is a high school teacher and could lead us to these practice exams. Now, I said, are we all good for the practice exams? And she said, it's taken care of. And it's at that stage that I find out that there is a group chat that the three of us in studio right now are not involved in called the Prod

Squad. And the details of the link to the website for this NCEA are in this Prod Squad chat. And I said, what is discussed in this Prod Squad that can't be discussed as an entire show? Yeah, so this is just producer James, producer Anya and producer Caitlin. Prod Squad. Do you talk about us? Yeah.

Of course. What do you say? It's normally like organisational or logistics and then also like how angry is Fletch today? He's grumpy. Oh my God, Fletcher Warner is such a punish. Megan, why is Megan such an angel in comparison? Like what's the scales you use?

Like Fletcher's is the anger scale. What's my scale? I don't... Like, if you're like, how angry is Fletcher today? One to ten, he's an eight. Would it mind be annoying? Like, how annoying... What annoying mood is Vaughn in today?

One to ten. Yeah, we'll be like, how much is he pissing us off? Right, right, okay. And then we'll just... It's always like... And what's Megan's scale? Well, no, we always just reply with gifs us off? Right, right, okay. And then we'll just, it's always like. And what's Megan's scale? No, we always just reply with gifs. Oh, right, okay, okay.

That's all the time we need appropriate. But actually, do you know what? You don't need to know. Do I have a scale? You don't need to know. Needy scale. Yeah, yeah. Do I have a scale?

She's just gone up a point on the needy scale. We're needing to have a scale. Unbelievable that this is happening behind our backs, though. Like, though. You should be able to chat about everything in the group chat that we already have. Absolutely not. There's definitely a lot of things we can't chat to you about. This is unbelievable. Well I haven't chatted with the producers. I don't know why you're smirking Megan. We've got a no Megan group. What are you doing? You don't tell people that we've got a group without. What are you doing? So wait, everyone but me? Up on the needy scale.

No, if we're doing something like a segment. Like a happy surprise for me. Yeah. Oh, my God, I do have a needy scale. No, like when it was your birthday and we wrapped your car in tinfoil. That would be the last time we used that group chat. That would be, we're talking the no Megan group. But I actually have made a picture for the group

and it's your face that I've been crossed through. You should see what our no Vaughn group looks like. There is a no. And a no Fletch. I just assumed that there was, it wasn't necessary. Oh, there's definitely a no Fletch group. There is a hundred percent a no Fletch group.

And I've got a group with the producers, me and them. Yeah. Why do you need a group with them? It's usually just discuss Friday Flashbacks because I don't want to talk to Fletch because he'll say, that's a crap song. You always poo-poo my song.

But do you have groups on, because I use WhatsApp quite a bit for group chats. Oh, you've got friends overseas. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've got, we've got a weird that makes sense so I've got we've got a weird amount and I don't know if this group of friends

because there's a few subgroups excluding different people right I don't know if there's a no Vaughn version there probably is God you've got to be

so careful when you're going to rag on someone else I know that you're in the right group chat oh yeah but this is like one of the guys in this group

doesn't play the video games we play so it's like a video game chat. Right. And then back to him for normal chat. Yeah. Okay. And then there's like a New Zealand chat, which is...

The New Zealand friends. But what would I be excluded from? I'm like... I don't know. I'm a tentpole in all of these conversations. Oh, no. What other group chats are you in, Fletch? Is there a group chat without me?

I don't really know. It's all just work group chats are you in Fletch? Is there a group chat without me? I don't really know. It's all just work group chats really. Or like if you're going out for like a BYO you might start a group chat so everyone can

just argue about where you go. That kind of thing. Right. Because we've got a show chat. One show chat that's everybody and then one

show chat that also includes Ross. But the only difference between those group chats is one has with added Ross Boss on the end. And sometimes I'm typing something in there and I'm like apply the break.

We need to call that, this has Ross in it. Watch out. And it's the guy at the front for easy identification. So you can tell before you start ragging on him. Yeah, so just everybody tread lightly in your group chats today. FEM. I've been sent some watches here. I believe they're for my daughters.

Yep. And they're called Space Talk watches, and we were just having a look at them before the show. Basically, they have a little SIM card in them, and you can kind of know where your kids are. So I read about these online. Spark are doing them. And they look just kind of like an like an apple watch yeah they just really like

a smart watch and maybe a bit more kid looking but um they wear them and on the side of the box it says you can call them yeah but they can only call people that you put in there so you can put in yourself some emergency contacts okay uh they can receive messages and I believe reply with emojis. Right, okay. Or like basic replies or pre-programmed replies. Okay. There's school mode.

So when they're at school, it is just a watch. Okay. There's safe places. So you can see when they've, like if they've, for example, if you've got a teenager

that walks himself to school in the morning, you can see when they've left home or when they arrive there. No teenagers wearing this. Your girls will wear these until they're like, okay. Oh, yeah. And they're like, oh, I can see what's happening here. I can see what's happening here.

Yeah. So I actually think it's quite cool. But do you feel like it's like getting like an episode of Black Mirror? Oh, 100%. But they're my children and I... No, but that's the struggle people have is like, well, you want to give them a phone so they can get in contact with you, but then you don't want to give them a phone.

But then you remember like when we would have gone away for a day and you'd be like, Mom, Dad, I'm going around to my friend's place. I might even stay the night. You wouldn't even talk to them until the next day. Yeah. Like you couldn't text them. I mean, maybe some rich parents had, like, Alcatels and the Nokias. Yeah.

But even then, like, people hardly had them. We would disappear. Like, we'd say to mum, oh, we're going to Hamilton, which was from Morrins. It was like a bus trip. Yeah. So we'd get to town and wouldn't talk to them all day. And then we'd mosey back at, like, 6 o'clock at night.

And they were like, oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, my, just thinking about that, that I've got children that will want to do that one day scares me people say about helicopter parenting how it's no good but i'm not like a helicopter parent i'm like a u.s military drone parent like you know you won't know i'm there you're ready to strike you won't know i'm there i'm ready to strike um i'm ready to make a real mess you might blow up a hospital accidentally these These things happen. That's collateral damage of being a drone parent. Yeah.

But we didn't have this. So, and we got talking about it before the show, when your parents just kind of knew where you were. And then, Megan, you told us about a parental extraction. And that's what we want to talk about. When your parents turned up where you were, and were just like, let's go.

And it's time to get out of here. Because it was always embarrassing. I have no idea how my dad knew where I was. Because I'd missed, it was a New Year's Eve and I was with my friends. And we had, I had a phone, but I had not answered him for a few calls. Not texted back. Which is silly on my behalf because you should always be like, yeah, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, fine.

Everything's all good. So I'd missed a few phone calls. He tracked me down and grabbed me out of the blue by the scruff of my neck and literally extracted me from in front of all of my friends who were having a good time. Like an SAS Navy SEALs type group extracted you. And dragged me backwards out of the party. It was a reverse extraction.

Yeah. Did you even see him coming? No. I wasn't even, it took me a second to figure out who was even doing it. And I was like, oh no, it's my father. Was it you getting grabbed and dragged backwards? And I was like, oh, it's Ted. And you're like, who is that?

That would have been a terrifying couple of seconds and then even more terrifying when you... Yeah. But do you think it was always just parties? Parental extractions? Or maybe you snuck off to the mall? Yeah, or there would have been activities where your parents had said no and you went anyway. Well, you definitely can't hang out with

that boy. Oh, that's another one, the romantic. And then they turn up at his house. Interludes. And make a parental extraction. So we want to know, on 0800-DANCE-AT-HEM, 9696, when your parents had to extract you

when you were a kid out of a situation, and maybe you didn't see it coming. No. Like Megan. No. Not at all. Because that's the thing, Navy SEALs and the special groups,

they use surprise to their advantage, don't they? Just swooped in. Camoed. Yeah. Silent helicopters. Did your parents ever turn up to school? But it was always for things like dropping off your lunch that you forgot, eh? That wasn't an extraction.

If you forgot your lunch, you were going hungry. Oh, really? Ruthless. You then weren't driving in to drop that off. You had to scrounge off other people for like The crusts and stuff But then when you did it A couple of times You knew what kids

Were willing to give up Their crusts Alright when did your Parents extract you Give us a call We're talking about Parental extractions When your parents

Have just turned up Somewhere in the middle Like you Let's leave Let's get the hell Out of here Some text messages When I was 15

I went to a party Had a curfew of 10 Didn't want to go home So turned my phone off Oh no I went to a party, had a curfew of 10. Didn't want to go home, so I turned my phone off. Oh no. You can't just turn it off. This is going to be you, Vaughn, by the way. When your girls are like teenagers.

Definitely August. I'm going to be cool. But like, oh, what's up, dudes? And went and hung around in town in Wellington. Suddenly, Dad turned up on the exact spot we were and dragged me home. How?

How did he know? They don't know. Because his phone was off. Yeah. My dad had a GPS tracker put in my car. He wasn't cool with the fact that I was in a lesbian relationship, so his mission was to break us up. He found me and my girlfriend in the middle of the IC building

at uni in front of everyone and just literally plucked me up out of there. Parental extraction. That's too old for a parental extraction. You're at uni. Yeah. It's the experimental years. Dad just want to remember what he did at uni.

Very questionable. Some calls. Jasmine, you were extracted. What happened? So I went on a bit of a date with my first boyfriend. Okay. With my friend and her boyfriend. We took the bus to Henderson Mall.

Oh, wow. Went to the movies. Yeah. Took a bus back to my friend's house, and my mum was waiting at the top of my friend's driveway. Oh. Was that embarrassing? Yeah, it was pretty exactly embarrassing.

I'm going to take a guess at what the words were that your mum said. Jasmine, get in the car. Get in the car. We'll talk about this when we get home. Get in the car. Because I don't want to go. They don't want to deal with it. Jasmine, get in the car.

They don't. Was it a silent car ride? No, it was pretty loud. So she waited until she'd driven away and then unleashed. Well, at least she waited. Jasmine, thanks for your call. Shelly, when did you experience a parental extraction? I was in a movie theatre with my boyfriend.

I was 16. Okay. And my mother told the theatre it was an emergency. She stopped the movie. The lights went on. She stopped the movie? And she saw me into the theatre and pulled me out. Oh, my God.

Do you remember what movie it was? No idea. I'd be pissed. Shelley. Where did she think you were? um well she knew i was up to no good so she just literally walked into every theater she's like stop them all well it's a small town it was an upper hut in wellington were you not allowed a boyfriend um well i think i was supposed to be at school oh my god the movie is brilliant you stopped a movie it's ruthless i mean it's a good story told you, you stopped a movie. I knew that's ruthless.

I mean, it's a good story. If you're going to stop a movie, you want to turn around and see a 16-year-old being dragged out. Wow. It destroyed my reputation.

I bet it did. Shelly, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. I was at a party that I was not supposed to be at. I told my parents I was staying the night

at my friend's house and I turn around because someone said, your dad's here. I turn around, I see my dad, I start running awayoh. And I turn around because someone said, your dad's here. I turn around, I see my dad, I start running away from dad and I run smack into mum.

They had... Both exits. Yep, they had both exits covered. Like the police on a cop show. They're like, you take the back, I'll go in the front.

Yeah. So dad ran as like a fright to give him a shit to get him to run in, ran straight into mum. I like to imagine mum clothesline them when they ran into mum.

Yeah. Boom, down and be like, I told you. I told you. Some other text messages in. My dad found me at a Guy Fawkes beach party a few years ago with a bourbon in my hand and a cigarette in the other. I was 16. I got dragged by the arm and dragged.

And as I was being dragged, I was like, I'm leaving drag marks. And I got dragged. That sounds like me. Across the sand. Did you get drag marks? Yeah. I remember. And I was dragged backwards.

On an angle, I remember. God, your dad is so huge, Jay. He's such a unit. He's a big dude. God. Somebody said,

I find myself questioning if my parents had me microchipped or something as a teenager. My first party with boys and alcohol was way out of town. We lived centrally. Yeah. And I managed to get myself

an invite to this party. Yeah. Said we were staying a night at a friend's house. Half an hour and three drinks in, I saw my dad charging towards me. I was like, what are you doing here?

Just got picked up and carried out, put in the car. I never have found out how he knew where I was. Oh, you've got to say, like surely that's got to be a deathbed admission. Or put it in the will so that at least you find out.

Yeah, they find out, they get some sort of closure on it. They get some sort of closure on it. When I was 14, me and my mates, we were staying at each other's house, but roamed the streets and ended up at a different person's house. In the morning, my friend's brother said, your parents are here I was like

They can't be because they didn't know we were staying here Walked out, there they were How'd they know? I don't know And finally someone said, I snuck along to an indoor netball social Which are always a lit AF occasion As a teenager My mum told me I wasn't allowed to go

And then someone said, your mum's here and I could just see my mum pushing through the crowd, like searching for me, grabbed me and my friend, chucked us in the back of her car and drove home. The most awkward silence and my friend tried to start light conversation to get us out of it, but it only made it much

worse. Today in NCEA, we told you just before what subjects are on the agenda for today's NCEA. And if you're doing NCEA... Good luck. Yeah, good luck, but don't freak out too much. It's not like the end of the world. We all turned out all right and we didn't do that well, did we? Do that thing where you Google the list of people who dropped out of high school,

like Bill Gates and that, and then your parents will say something along the lines of, yeah, okay, so that's 10 people. What about the other millions? And you're like, well, there's a few drug addicts in the mix, sure, but it's not. School's important. You should try hard in the areas that you want to be in. Yeah.

So we thought we would put ourselves to the test with some mock exam questions. This morning. For today's NCEA. Media studies, earth and space science, drama and chemistry. No doubt we work in the media, so. I'm sitting up straight because I feel like I'm in school. Miss Merritt. Miss, look at me.

I'm sitting up straight. I don't care. Oh. She's a harsh one. I was going for't care. Oh. She's a harsh one. I was going for Tinker's pet. She's a bitch. So are there any questions from this morning's exams? Yes, there is.

Okay. This is to basically see, because you might think, I want to know what they're whinging about, those bloody kids, but it's pretty intense. It's really harsh. It's getting more and more intense. It's stressful and stuff. So we're going to see if we can answer some of these questions.

Wait, so how do we buzz in? With our names? Yes. So do we have to wait until Caitlin asks the question? The whole question and nothing but the question. And then buzz in. If anyone interrupts me, you'll be disqualified. Okay. Okay.

Are we ready? Yes, miss. Do you have your buzzers ready? Megan, put your phone away. Put your laptop down. Fletch. I put my laptop down. That's my buzzer.

Okay. Earth and space science, level two. Oh, not level two. Why don't we say level one? Okay. The question is, why does a tsunami form? Vaughan. Vaughan.

An undersea earthquake miss causes the moving of tectonic plates and can cause mass amounts of water to be displaced, and the result is a tsunami. There were a few words that were off. That sounds about right, Aiden. We're moving on. We're moving on. Are we giving him a correct?

No, because you didn't use the right terminology for earthquake. Moving on, Fletch. What's the right terminology for earthquake? What should he have said? Wobble. Say wobble. Wobble. Say planet wobble.

Do you want to have a turn? That sounded right to me, what you said. Do you have the answers, Fletch? Fine, Miss Merritt, fine. What's your answer? Well, Vaughan said that sounds right. Well, so it's got nothing to do with space. I thought this was a science that covered both Earth and space.

It's Earth. A geo is something. Okay. I don't know the rest of it. You just can't put geo in front of words. It's an undersea earthquake, isn't it, Miss? Geo. It's an undersea landslide, not an earthquake, which then causes a large earthquake,

and then that can then cause the tsunami. Other way round, Miss. The earthquake causes the landslide. Landslides don't cause earthquakes. This is the answer. You know what? I was all for teachers getting a pay rise, but if you're representing them, they're getting paid too much.

You did get the displaced water. That's right. Tsunami waves are did get the displaced water. That's right. Tsunami waves are formed as the displaced water which acts under the influence of gravity attempts to find a stable position again.

Just run fast. I'm saying you probably would have got like a C. I would have shown my work and I would have drawn another picture. Okay. Question number two.

Drama. Oh, this is us. Level Okay. Question number two. Drama. Oh, this is us. Level three. Oh, okay. Oh, hey. So that's the highest level, isn't it? Is this a doing question?

No. Oh. Name three playwrights. Megan. Go, Megan. I don't know. Shakespeare. One.

That's the ones. I'm not helping her because I'm going to swoop her next and have three. No whispering in class. Hamlet. Isn't Hamlet a Shakespeare character? There's a playwright. Someone who's written a play. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't know. I literally have about a hundred here that you can choose from. I would say Arthur Miller. George! George! You can't yell George. Megan, no!

Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman. Definitely Arthur Miller. We studied that. That was painful. No, Arthur Miller's not on there. I'm out there. I'm off to a work and income. Wait, we're talking about Angel's Day.

Angel's Day. Angel's Day. Angel's Day. Angel's Day. Angel's Day. Angel's Day. is not on there. I'm out there. Sinclair Softlickleys. I'm off to a work and income. Wait, wait, wait. Do you have any? Shakespeare. Arthur Miller. Say Sinclair Softlickleys.

I just read it. Yeah, Arthur Miller. He wrote it. I just go over to Kate. Well, it's not on in the answers. Oscar Wilde. Oscar Wilde is one. So there's my three.

Okay. Poo poo my two and then Fletch just found it on Google. This sucks. Maybe it's a three. Okay. Poo poo my two and then Fletch just found it on Google. This sucks. Maybe it's a certain era. Next question. What about like Brecht? Do you guys remember Brecht?

Brecht. Mackenzie from Fly the Concours. Oh, I studied that at school. Okay. Wait, wait. You studied Brecht? Bert holds Brecht. He wrote like Brecht.

B-R-E-C-H-T. Brecht. Brecht. Brett. Brett. Is school different? Bertholdt. Is it the Kiwi accent that makes it sound like you're just saying like Brett?

There's a guy called Brett this thing is just like... I learnt it in drama. Bertholdt. Brecht. Brecht. His last name is Brecht. School's different in Timor-Orient. Brecht.

Yeah. Okay, next question. It's just a flash word saying brief. Okay, and the final question today, students. Social studies, level three. I've never understood what this is studying. No, because I thought it just split off into history and geography. Yeah.

Okay, go ahead. Which gov... Go on. What was that? No, go on. Sorry, miss. Sorry, miss. Remember your name is your buzzer and use it once I have finished.

Megan. I was just testing it. Which government official, and in brackets, S, is appointed and not elected by the US citizens? Megan, a senator. I was going to give you an ABCDE. Oh, Megan Buzzard. Well, Megan's out. Megan's out. Wait, go again. I was going to give you an A, B, C, D, E. Oh, Megan's out. Well, Megan's out. Megan's out.

Wait, go again. I'm not out. Which government official is appointed and not elected by the US citizens? This is multi-choice. Aunt Vaughn. I'm going to go early. Secretary of State. No.

That's not even on the list. Let me finish the list. This is good. This is good. I can take my time. You're both disqualified, Fletch. No. You didn't tell me it was my choice.

Well, no, just give it to me then. A, President. B, Congressman. C, Supreme Court Justice. D, Senator. E, Governor. Supreme Court Justice. Supreme Court Justice.

Correct. You couldn't have done it without us. Fletch wins this round. No, I knew that. I knew that. Do I win this? Because of Kavanaugh. Yeah, exactly wins this round. I knew that. Do I win this? Because of Kavanagh. Yeah, exactly.

That's how I knew. It's quite timely. Yeah, you actually won the whole thing, Fletch. I got T-Tsunami and the playwright. This whole school sucks. They just pick the favourite and they give them everything. This is exactly what happened to me in high school. Maybe you should pay more attention in social studies.

Maybe I should have. Kind of sat up real straight and was real cute. I remember our teacher in social studies showing us photos of when he went to Antarctica and they all jumped in their ice naked. Do they do that? No. Then your teacher showed you naked photos of people jumping into the ice. That's actually highly inappropriate looking back at it now, isn't it? The teacher showed you naked photos of... Of people, like, jumping into the ice, yeah. That's actually highly inappropriate looking back at it now, isn't it?

The teacher showed you pictures of himself naked. Fletch, we didn't make this. This actually is an off-air discussion. No, in front of the class, like... That does not matter. I mean, you couldn't see any, like, penis and stuff. But you could see bum. Oh, kind of.

Inappropriate. By the way, a geologist has messaged in earthquakes and landslides cause tsunamis. Vaughn should be correct. Yeah, no, I was going to give you that too. I'm just saying you know how stickler they are for like the words. I don't know. This guy's like a professional in the area. Can we

strike Caitlin off the teacher's record as well? Can I get four inches for being here? She showed me the pictures of when she went to Antarctica and got naked too, so I think she should do the movie straight. FVM, the podcast. The Taylor Swift show is tomorrow night in Auckland at Mount Smart. Oh, I just Googled weather as well.

I'll give you the latest. It wasn't looking great. Precipitation graph from 8, 9 o'clock at 72% chance of rain. Pack a poncho. Pack a poncho. Pack a poncho. So she's in the country, right? Yeah.

So I actually saw the plane, the big daddy plane, land. There was pictures of it landing. Was that what they call the largest plane in the world? It must be. It's a Russian cargo plane. It looks like it's, I don't know how it gets off the ground.

Like it looks like an old Russian tank with wings. And if you were thinking, oh man, that's a lot of stuff in that big plane. Well, apparently that

is not the only plane. So there is a couple of big planes that are doing two or three trips back from Brisbane. Which was the last. Back and forth, back and forth to pick up the stuff. There is also a 747

and a 777. Full of stuff for her concert. How insane is that? A guy called Ben messaged me on Instagram. I'm pretty sure he wasn't breaching protocol to tell me this. Well, I hope not. But he was packing a 747 full of V8s.

Oh yeah. V8 cars. Wow. And he sent me a series of photos. Really cool. And he said, this plane is getting there to Australia, dropping off these cars, picking up all the Taylor Swift stuff, bringing it back. Right.

As well as the Russian cargo planes, two Russian cargo planes, Singapore Airlines. Over six 747s involved in getting her stage show to New Zealand. What kind of stuff has she got? Just giant screens? Those snakes. Have you seen those big snakes? Oh yeah, the big snakes. Huge snakes. I think there's two stages. You're in for a hell of a show. But also she has 250

staff just that she tours with. That she will bring over to help her sort out the stage and everything. Yeah. It's pretty nuts. It's going to be massive. Because I thought it was at Spark, the arena. Yeah. And someone was like, oh no, Vaughn.

Heavens, it wouldn't even fit. No, no it wouldn't. And so yeah, it's Mount Smart that's got the Taylor Swift show. It's my daughter's first concert, both of them. Are you going to take both of them? Is it their first concert? Yeah. Sade bought tickets for her and Indy to go with friends. And then August packed it in.

Why aren't I going? Why am I like a two? She'll get grumpy in time. I know, but that's the thing. So Taylor starts at nine. I'm enforcing a strict afternoon nap policy tomorrow afternoon for the entire family. Because I get grumpy at about nine o'clock on a Friday night too.

Right. So, yeah, but the thing is, policy tomorrow afternoon for the entire family because I get grumpy at about nine o'clock on a Friday night too. Very tired. You're right. So, yeah, but the thing is, Dad's a little bit more crazy buying merch, so we'll leave with all the stuff

and Indy and Sade who have gone separately with their own friends, not with us, so that's cool, that's cool, go be yourself, whatever.

They're not going to have as much merch. Right. Because Dad's quite a big Taylor Swift fan. Dad loves a bit of taste watch. We'll be singing and dancing Don't worry about that Alright

What's happening tomorrow? Pack a poncho By the looks of it Pack a poncho Pack a poncho Fact of the day Day Day

Day Day Today's fact of the day, this is actually my interest was peaked during an episode of House of Cards, the season that just came out. So I've done two episodes and I'm ready to stop watching because I think it's shit. So this is the Kevin Spacey-less season. It's the final season of House of Cards.

Robin Wright's still involved playing Claire Underwood, but of course the Kevin Spacey thing went down and they were like, no, you're not involved anymore. So his character's dead in the show, not involved. She's president. None of this is a spoiler, by the way. No. But during this, the Russian president just talked about World War II

but called it the Great Patriotic War. And I was like, what's he called it that for? And so I Googled it and that's what Russia called World War II. So it made me think, what did other countries around the world call World War II? No, you've got to call it World War II. That's what it was. So World War I was called the Great War or just World War. Yeah.

Until World War II. Yeah. But it was the Americans that coined the phrase World War II when they got involved. Yeah, right. So from my looking around, today's fact of the day is what other countries called World War II. Okay.

I mean, we just got on board with calling it. We were actually with the British. While it was happening, apparently it was just called the war until it was finished and then dubbed World War II by the British and historians after the Americans called it World War II when they entered the war, until it was finished and then dubbed World War II by the British and historians after the Americans called it World War II when they entered the war. The Russians called it the Great Patriotic War. Ireland called it the emergency because Ireland technically wasn't at war

because they weren't part of the British. Right. So the British said, we're at war and our kingdom is at war and the Commonwealth all got involved. Well, we got involved. Australia got involved. But Ireland were like, no, we're at war and our kingdom is at war and the Commonwealth all got involved. Well, we got involved, Australia got involved, but Ireland were like, no, we're not at war. But they called it the emergency because they still had to ration resources and do their part.

Japan called the majority of the war the Chinese-Japanese War when it was just there. But then when they spread out a bit further, they called it the greatest East Asian war. But then apparently after defeat, that was like, you don't say that. You don't call it the greater East Asian war anymore. Because it wasn't great.

No, not so much. The British called it the war until it was over and Finland called it the winter war. But then when it rolled through into spring, they were like, well, that doesn't fit so much anymore. Say it had high hopes it was just going to wrap up Say they had high hopes it was a seasonal thing. Yeah, we all get a bit shitty during winter.

Maybe we're a little bit chubby. Yeah. And then they called it the continuation war because it had continued past winter. Original. Real original. I like the Finnish. If you've ever met someone from Finland they're always neatly different.

I can't say as I you ever met someone from Finland? They're always neatly different. Right. Different, but in a neat way. I can't say as I have ever met a Finnish person. Like, I think they're happy to not be in Finland, but they like Finland. I don't know. These people, aren't they angry birds?

Come on. They're doing some great stuff over there. And they invented Nokias too, didn't they? Yes, I believe so. Nokias and angry birds. Brilliant? Yes, I believe so. Nokias and Angry Birds. Brilliant. Good stuff, good stuff. So today's fact of the day was different countries

called World War II different things. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- in his hands to take care of it. I'm not sure. But also, he's not good enough that if you are listening and need to hire someone who works in video, you should make a personal approach to him on our recommendation because he's ours. Keep your filthy mitts off. Get off. Et cetera, et cetera.

So he was outside the studio and intern Anya pushed a button to talk to us in the studio and she said, is it right if I send in Tav? And I don't know why, but when she said send in Tav, I thought of a song that I don't even really know. There's a song, Send in the Clowns. It must have been on The Simpsons at one stage. Is that why you were playing that?

Yeah. That's, yeah, okay. On The Simpsons, it was on a Krusty episode. I think Krusty sings Send in the Clowns. Right. But it's been like on musicals and stuff, and Barbra Streisand sung it, and I said, Send in the Tav.

And then he came in, and he sat down, and he's like, oh, have you heard that story? Which is always a good start to a story. When you're just doing something completely for no reason whatsoever and someone's got a story about it.

And I said, no, what are you talking about? And he's like, oh, I thought you were singing that story because I've told you how that story relates

to my Christmas. And I was like, how does Send in the Clowns relate to Christmas? Some old, obscure, crappy song. And he begins a story about, well, I mean, that's your point of view. It's a wonderful song. Now that I have a story to attach to it. He tells us that his grandmother, every time they got together, this is on Christmas, at the Christmas gathering, she would make her grandchildren all get dressed up like clowns in one of the bedrooms.

And then she would start playing Send in the Clowns on the piano and singing it. And all of her grandchildren would have to slowly parade in as clowns for the family's enjoyment. Yeah, wow. And she said it was like her surprise for the family every year. And they didn't have the heart to tell their grandma that, A, it wasn't a surprise because after she did it once, she then made their parents buy them clown outfits because she couldn't afford clown outfits for everybody.

So the parents had to buy these kids clown outfits and then take them to Christmas for some ungodly reason that they knew because they already seen the performance last year. And then she'd be like, kids, come on, in the room. And they'd go in and then they'd get dressed into their clown outfits and then she'd start playing the song again. Again, yeah. And then the kids would parade out as clowns.

So this happened for years. I think he said the last time he went and the last time he did this, he was 16 or 17. And now it obviously doesn't happen now. Well, because he doesn't go back to family Christmas. It does feel like an American horror story episode, doesn't it? And Nana

thinks she's a good singer, but Send in the clowns! Come on! Come on! Come on! All of you! Come on. Send in the clouds. What's this got to do with Christmas? And he's like, I don't know, but it was our Christmas tradition. So that song always reminds him of Christmas. And Nan, weird.

I would love to see it if there was home video. There must be home video. Like Nan was like, don't tell anybody, but everybody start recording. It's a surprise. And everybody's in on the surprise. It's not really a surprise. But it got us thinking about like weird family Christmas traditions. Because this one started, I don't even know.

And you do it and you're just like, why do we even do this? Like maybe it's got nothing to do with Christmas. It's just something you do at Christmas. Yeah. And you know that with Christmas being Oh, hold on, I've got to open up and tell you how many days away Christmas is now God, it's going to shock us Like 40 something?

Low 40s It is christmasclock.com opening Come on, I don't need the Facebook link Why am I sharing my Facebook link? I'm going to get it before you 46 days Why did mine take so long to load? 46 days until Christmas.

You must be thinking it's time to... Are you on premium Wi-Fi? Yeah, I'm on the premium. I'm on guest. They kicked me off premium. That'll be why. Yeah, that's the... Is that the first stage to losing your job?

Yeah, pretty much. I'm on guest Wi-Fi. So yeah, we want to take your calls on those weird family traditions that you have during Christmas. Yeah. Whether or not it's dressing like clowns and doing a performance with Nan, or it's something, I don't know, that you still find weird.

Fletch won't have any because you're never there at Christmas. Well, you just do the standard Christmas things, don't you? Open your presents, you wait until after breakfast, you've got to wait. Yeah. Well, we always had to wait until Nana got there. Gosh, she took her sweet time. She doored it, that hell. We could go get her, but we're not going to.

But I know it'd just be all the normal tradition stuff. Nothing like a performance or anything unusual or weird. But maybe you don't even know that it's weird. Yeah, I guess so. Until you've said it to somebody else and they're like, oh, that's weird to do at Christmas. Or you guys chase the corks when you pop them out of bubbles? No.

You still chase the corks when you pop them out of bubbles? No. Do you still chase the corks when you're kids? What? No. You're like, someone would be like, pop, and it was just like this mad scramble for the cork. And then what do you get when you get the cork? You get the prize of having the cork. Oh, God.

Get a bit of cork. God, cool Christmas. And that's the pile of Christmas gifts. All right, well, 0800-DARLS.M9696, give us a text, Your weird family Christmas tradition. Talking about your weird family Christmas traditions. Nicole, you guys have got one? We do Christmas Olympics, right?

Okay. So Christmas starts at like 11 o'clock. So everyone's had a few wines. Okay. And then at 2 o'clock or 3 o'clock, we do like a big Olympics and everyone gets put into teams. You have to do like two lengths of the pool. It's always at my auntie's farm, so we have to bike all the way up the hill and back

and then do like three laps around the house, but everyone is hammered. I was going to say, once I've got bubbly alcohol in me guts, I'm spewing more than I'm running. Pretty much. It's not pretty. Have you had food? Too much not pretty. Have you had food? Too much every year. Have you had like Christmas lunch

or anything at this point? Light lunch. A light lunch? Oh, okay. Because we always go hard at lunch. Yeah, we go hard at lunch and then no one's,

everyone's napping after that. No one's moving or running. So what does the winner get at the Olympics, the Christmas Olympics? Well, our family

is so competitive that they just get bragging rights. That's pretty much it. Ah, right. But in our family, bragging rights is something. So for the whole year, you've got bragging rights. If you made it up the hill and back and around the house three times and at two lengths of the pole the fastest. You're the Olympic champ.

But, oh, yuck, that's so much exercise. You're the most sober. Yeah, trueuck, that's so much exercise. It probably also means that you're the most sober. Yeah. Yeah, true, true. Nicole, thanks for your call. Laura, what's your weird family Christmas tradition? Okay, so my mum used to bake

a Christmas cake. Yeah. So we all had to make a wish when she stirred the cake up. And then the tradition was when it was all baked, we had to run around the house like all in a line.

So it was my mum, me, my sister, my dad, and we'd run around every single room of the house singing Jingle Bells. Like a conga line? Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, my sister and I used to dread it. We're like, oh, no, here it comes. It was the tradition. We obviously don't do it anymore because we've moved out of home now,

but it was something we did when we were younger. Wait, did you take the cake with you? Yeah, my mum held the cake. Wow. Yeah, we used to just run around the house. You wouldn't want to drop the cake. You wouldn't want to drop the cake. Oh, no, my mum was very careful with that.

That's so weird. How puzzling. Yeah, Laura, thanks for your call. Thank you. Some text messages in on your family's weird Christmas traditions. Somebody said, my Nana makes all of the grandkids and great grandkids do the chicken dance for her amusement.

Even made hats for everybody to wear while the family chicken dance was happening. I was stoked when I had kids because then I didn't have to do it. The only way to get out of doing it is to have someone take your place in the form of your own children. That's how she gets you

because grands love grandkids. That's a pyramid scheme. Yeah. Is that a grandchildren pyramid scheme? It sounds like it. You can get out of this but you've got to give me two more. and that is making you do a chicken tart.

I know. Well, that probably encouraged teen pregnancies. To be a little bit. Somebody said, Vaughan, we played catch the cork as well but one of the kids got mixed up

when they were young and called it catch the pork. So now it's called catch the cork as well. But one of the kids got mixed up when they were young and called it catch the pork. So now it's called catch the pork in our family. They were six now and they were six then and now they're up to 15 and 16. So we still make them do it mostly for our enjoyment and things are getting quite physical. Well, yeah, when you're 15, 16.

It starts getting a bit more fisticuffs, doesn't it? So there you go. We have a ride on lawnmower obstacle course races. It's timed. That sounds so fun. It's timed and you've got to do the best time for the day. Take the blades off. You don't want to roll.

Yeah, exactly. Run over the cone and nan all in one. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online.