ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 08 2019

Episode Date: November 7, 2019

Prime Minister - Jacinda Adern is on the phone, Friday Flashback and what did someone say to sleep with you?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Ash. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. Oh, don't drink an e-scooter, please. Hearing those stats. One quarter? Yeah. And the other quarter, what? Trying to do jumps off the curb? Maybe.

That's another quarter. Yeah. Third the other quarter, what? Trying to do jumps off the curb? Maybe. That's another quarter. Yeah. Third quarter over 60. No offence to anybody over 60 choosing to listen to the show. Good morning. Thank you very much. In other great years, the world's first penis and scrotum transplant

is fully functional one year on. Wow. Fantastic. Do you get science news updates or just penis updates? This was from IFN Love. Oh, no. Do you even science, bro? just penis updates This was From IFN Love Oh no Do you even science bro

Oh okay right On Facebook Yeah apparently it was given to a US Oh Megan's got a question No I was mouthing that to you What were you just mouthing I was mouthing that to you

Well you can say it to the class Don't mouth the penis I said Is the scrotum the balls Yes Oh my god It's the sack I just was clarifying It's the sack.

I just was clarifying. It's the collective. What did you think it was? It's the sack. It's the package. I don't know. I wasn't sure if it was part of the actual doodle. Yeah. Part of the doodle.

Okay. I don't have one. You've seen one, I assume. Yeah, I know, but I don't ever call it that. Yeah, but I don't have. How's the scrotum? Female reproductive parts, but I know the fallopian tube. Good.

I can point it out. I was fascinated by it in science. Really? Because I'm like, this is going to help me out. It didn't. What, with chat? Well, no, I should have been... No, no, no, I was looking at the whole diagram.

Yeah, right, yeah. You've got to know your way around the paina. And then, but like the fallopian tubes had nothing to do with it. Yeah, hopefully you never get near anyone's fallopian tubes. Hey, baby, how's that feel? And I'm like, oh, oh, oh. Not good.

But it was, I didn't even read about this at the time, but an injured veteran A US armed forces He lost them in a bomb Oh my god That would have been a mangled mess So I don't even know where they came from Like someone may have died

Yeah Imagine that Because on your licence Are you a donor? Yeah Your bits could go to an injured war vet God, he's fought in a war He deserves better than these.

These things have been thrashed. Get yourself a nice low mileage. Do you get to choose? Get one with tread on the tires. They'll give you like six options of some dead penises. I'll have that one. That's a different color suit. It doesn't matter.

I'd recommend my lungs, because I've never smoked. Great lungs. I can blow up a balloon. Like, great lungs. You're not recommending your penis? I'm not going to an advertorial of my penis. Like, nah. Well, that's a great way to start the show.

Yeah. Isn't it? Transplant of the penis. Whose Friday flashback is it today? Because it is Friday. His mine. Okay. Any idea? Any clues? Any idea?

Yes. Well, I said Beastie Boys last Friday. Because we had some Beastie Boys. Says the guy who always gets roasted for terrible Friday flashbacks. Fireflies. Our city last Friday. You were set alight. I want to hoot that one.

You were set alight. But I might put that one in the back pocket because there's been another constant announcement this week. Okay. That I think will give us a good flashback. Fleshfawner Megan, the podcast, ZM. Let's find the mouse. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Sometimes my cursor just is hiding over the two screens. So, na, na, na, na, na. You can't find me. Well, I found you. And I'm going to press the button. No, you're trying to fight your stories. Headline one. So, I've got three news headlines. And, WarnerMegan, as always, just pick one. You're only allowed one. Headline one. So I've got three news headlines. And WarnerMeghan, as always, just pick one.

You're only allowed one. Headline one, queen to sort out her fur situation. Her fur situation. Yes. Aye. Headline two, party in space. And headline three, thief makes magician's belongings disappear. Go.

Oh. I love space. I love all things space. I like party in space. Go. I love space. I love all things space. I like party in space. Okay. And when you say the queen sought out her furs, do you mean the queen?

I mean the queen. She's got fur. Yep. Is she doing a Kim K and getting them all remade and faux? Then you've got them, so...

Yeah, the animal's already dead. You can't un-kill it. It's from a different time. It's not great. Just don't wear them in public anymore. Just leave them in your wardrobe. It's kind of like, yeah, what do you do with them now?

So many possibilities. What do you want? Made into a nice ottoman. Oh, that'd be lovely. That'd be nice. That'd be a comfortable ottoman. It'd be furry. Yeah, you wouldn't want to sit on it when you're sweaty.

No. You don't sit on sort of a long shag situation while you're sweaty. Or wet from the pool. I assume she's got a pool. The queen comes in dripping wet from the pool. She's like, pass me a towel. Is anyone in there? Towel.

Felix. Felix. God, he can't hear me. I'm just going to walk in wet. Is anyone in there? Cal! Felix! Felix! God, he can't hear me. I'm just going to walk in wet. And then she sees someone on TV and she sits on the ottoman. Made of fur. And finished. Are we doing that?

Are we not going that story? Do you want... I want the... Party in space. Party in space? Yeah. All right. Okay, let's do that one.

Party in the eye Yeah. All right. Okay, let's do that one. Party in the eye. Yes, yes. A rocket has blasted off from a NASA launch pad in Virginia, sending Bordeaux wines into space. Oh, wee! Twelve bottles of Bordeaux wine have been rocketed to the International Space Station so that researchers can see how the extreme conditions affect ageing. Oh, okay.

So they're not part of the International Space Station Christmas dinner plans. But are they in oak? But then I thought the ageing was all done pre-bottling. Well, they're hoping to study how radiation in space affects ageing. So it involves several universities and a start-up company. It'll be stored at the International Space Station at 18 degrees Celsius for one year before being returned to Earth

and compared to a control sample which has been kept in the same temperature. Okay. But let's imagine you are one of those astronauts on the International Space Station. There are 12 bottles of wine just in the wine rack. Oh, yeah. You don't need 12 to be returned.

That's the worst thing about a wine rack in your house is you're constantly looking at wine that you should be drinking. I know. That's the danger. Yeah, you're right. We don't need 12. And then we don't need 11. And you can't really say that one fell off and smashed on the ground, right?

Because no gravity. Yeah, that's true. One fell off the shelf. One fell off and smashed on the ground, right? Because no gravity. Yeah, that's true. One fell off the shelf. It's just floating around. How? Oh, damn. Damn, you got me. God damn, it's not bloody gravity, is it? So we have to wait a year for those results.

Well, they're doing a lot in space. Weren't they baking cookies in space this week too? Were they? Yeah, I think they were taking some cookies into space. And they were going to bake cookies. space this week too? Were they? Yeah, I think they were taking some cookies into space. And they were going to bake cookies. My favourite white chocolate cookies, the chewy ones. Oh, I don't know. Oh, you don't know. I think it was just ordinary bog standard chocolate chip cookies.

Okay. There's something that could help you in the gym. It could help you in a lot of aspects of life, actually. And it is swearing. So, researchers have found that swearing increases pain tolerance. It triggers an adrenaline response and is highly beneficial for exercise and physical tasks. Hmm. I get that.

I don't know. It obviously pushes out, like, frustration. Right. And stuff. But the trial they did, they got a bunch of people to submerge their hands in ice. Right. Like ice water. Cold.

And keep it there as long as they could. So in the first trial, they could swear as much as they liked. And they had to keep it in there for as long as they could. The second trial, they had to use common adjectives, not swearies. Right. And they left their hands in the water much longer when they could swear. Right. Is it because you're just like getting it out?

Yeah. You're releasing. Your pain and your frustration is getting out. Right. It makes real sense. But it would just be weird to swear at the gym, but I'm imagining grunting and stuff

as some people's. Yeah, because sometimes they give me a real fright when guys are like, oh! They're real vocal. But they've got headphones

in as well, so they probably can't actually hear how loud they are. But it would help you, wouldn't it? Yeah. But then, okay,

what if you were like super religious and your swear word was like, fudge! Was fudge. Yeah. Do you what if you were like super religious and your swear word was fudge? Do you think if you were like an extreme Christian doing bench press and you said fudge, would that be the same as if I said the F word? No. But it's their swear word. You know what I mean?

Like it's relative to them. It's their swear word. It's their swear word. My other question is, Do you have to yell it Or can you be like Fudge I think you've got to I think it would be no different

Than a grunt wouldn't it Yeah It's got to be audible It's just like Yeah You're just getting it out there I think it would be a grunt Huh

But Maybe there's also Something in the brain That makes a swear word Next level to a grunt Yeah Yeah Or hence fudge

It's like when you hurt yourself You swear don't you You Like you really Grunt your teeth Alright mate I mean if you want to Broadcast success

Complain I didn't say the last I didn't say the most Offensive You came very close Sound part Of the F word Very close

Yeah but that's like Saying I didn't rob the bank, I just took a gun into it. You can't take a gun into it. Well, you can if you've got an open carry licence. Well, maybe in the United States. It depends where you're pointing it, doesn't it? Very true.

It all depends where you point it. Well, $100,000 taxpayers' money has been spent and some people are not happy. Why don't they just not tell us? That's good. I like that. Just stop telling us what you're spending our tax money on. We can't complain about it.

It's gone anyway. Oh, my God. It's gone. I think that's what a dictator does, Megan. Oh, really? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Because. Yeah.

Because then like Jacinda's in the Bahamas and Clark's fishing those massive barracudas. We're all like, they're doing it right for themselves. Yeah. Oh, they're doing that thing where they're spending tax money, but Megan told them not to tell us

how they're spending it. So you'll remember that, and Vaud and I remember, talk show host Stephen Colbert. We're huge fans. Massive fanboys I remember, talk show host Stephen Colbert. We're huge fans. Massive fanboys. We've been fans since the Colbert Report on Comedy Central years and years ago. He was, she'd appeared on his show twice when she was in New York and invited him,

and he came along with a crew. He's been before. He's a massive fan of all things Lord of the Rings. Yeah. So he filmed some segments that are about to air in America, and I believe they are airing over the course of a week, so five times. Yeah.

And on, and I've done some research, because this kind of got me angry, because people are so stupid. Yeah. When they're commenting on a news story, they're like, what a waste of money. It's $100,000 that we've paid to be on. It's been for the last three years the highest rating talk show.

So Colbert beats Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, all the other ones that I forget. He beats all of those. And it's the hugest night talk show in America. So we're going to have a spot. Four nights of the week, right? Yeah, we're going to have a spot every day for a week on that show. Advertising New Zealand. That's an absolute,

so they reckon we'll get five million in return and worth of advertising. Yeah. So it's a no brainer to spend $100,000, but people are like, what a waste of money.

It's real. I tried to find out how much it would cost to advertise on a show like that. I found a really old infographic. I searched for ages, like 10 minutes on the internet. It's ages, eh? It's ages.

To not get sidetracked and search something else. You could have got laid in that time. I mean, you could have got laid three times in that time too. The way you play. On track. On track. You're getting sidetracked. You're getting sidetracked You're getting sidetracked I went off pace

I went off pace 50 About $50,000 For a spot Right At least So we're getting 5 spots So we're getting 5

So we got a discount But we're getting more than 30 seconds We're getting 2 minutes In a show Oh right You know people get to the ads They skip them don't they Yeah yeah

Oh okay You're not talking about An integrated piece Within the show You know, people get to the ads, they skip them, don't they? Yeah, yeah. They go to the toilet. Oh, okay. You're not talking about an integrated piece within the show. You're talking about the ad and the ad break. We're just talking about an ad and the ad break would cost you at least

$50,000 to $100,000 from what I can see. Right. Well, I found how many taxpayers there are in New Zealand, $3,850,000. Okay.

Thereabouts. So if we each chipped in equally, we paid three cents each. Not bad. To advertise New Zealand. I'm okay with that. To a massive and very progressive American audience too because he's not really too concerned about the middle.

He's the conservatives. No. Don't go to the progressive coast. They're the Americans that travel. Exactly. So, I mean, it's great for us. And, you know, tourism is one of our biggest industries. And plus, you two just don't, you won't hear

anything bad about Stephen Colbert. Oh, we won't hear that. Absolutely. He's an absolute saint. Didn't meet him though, did you? But I have thought about cancelling Jacinda's bi-weekly slot. Wow. She is on the show this morning and you're still talking. Well, she shouldn't be.

You're salty. Well, no, Vaughn's salty at her as well because Vaughn messaged her when he was in New Zealand. You did get in early with her and asked. I did. That's why we're salty. Yeah.

I mean, she could have just told us the cafe location. That's all she needed to know. And we would have turned up. If she had just sent, like, GPS coordinates. Drop a pin. And a time military. Yep. I would have turned up. If she had just sent like GPS coordinates Drop a pin. and a time military Yep.

I would have been there. Yeah. 1100 hours 0930 Yeah. And then the GPS I would have been like she's telling me

I'm going. And she could have done it from a burner phone. Yeah, burner phone. So the government didn't know. Do you know what? At 10 to 8 this is what you can say to her.

Oh no, I'm not going to confront her. I was just I don't know what you can say to her. Oh, no, I'm not going to confront her. I was just... I don't know if you can say it out loud. I was going to say, I'm going to call the Prime Minister a bitch. Don't. Please don't. It's fun and games, but I can't call the Prime Minister a bitch. No.

No. From the ZM think tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Announced, we knew we were getting a bachelorette, but heck, we still don't know who the bachelorette is. Okay. Rumours swirling that it's Lily from Big Safe Furniture. Oh my God, she would be great.

The best, but she's happily married. She is happily married, we know that. Friend of the show. Friend and listener of the show, so good morning, she would be great. The best, but she's happily married. She is happily married, we know that. And friend of the show. Friend and listener of the show, so. Good morning, Lily. Good morning. Morning, Lily. Lily McManus.

Ah, right. Lily. Lily. Lily. Lily. Lily. Lily Treasure Island. Lily.

Lily. Lily. Lily. Right. But Art swooped in for the hosting role. Okay. Which, you know, has upset many. Because...

You wanted to do it? No, God, no. Who was it upset? Who was it upset? Well, I've got a list of top six famous New Zealanders who thought they were a shoo-in for the Bachelorette hosting gig. Okay. Number six, Dominic Bowden.

Oh, yes. He's done everything, hasn't he? Who? Didn't he do a Bachelor? Yeah. Didn't he swoop in and steal Mike Pudu's chips like a seagull? That's right, he did too. He did.

Mike Pudu did one and two and... That's right. He did three. Yeah. God, you remember when you couldn't even look at a TV remote without seeing Dominic Poud? Yeah, everywhere. Number five on the list of the top six big-name New Zealanders Remember when you couldn't even look at a TV remote without seeing Dominic Bowden? Yeah. Everywhere.

Number five on the list of the top six big-name New Zealanders who missed out on The Bachelor at hosting gig to Art Green. Number five is Lord Ernest Rutherford. Okay. Well, I mean, he was not even alive when TVs were around. He's a physicist. Yeah. Yeah, he died in 1937. I just found that out.

I thought he was just retired or something. We're just taking it easy. But no, he's been dead for ages. For ages. So that's probably the main reason. Nelson's famous export invented the atom bomb. Split the atom. But played a crucial part in what became the atom bomb. He died before the atom bomb.

Probably for the best. He died before Chernobyl as well. Yeah. Which is good because, you know. He'd have a heavy conscience. Bit of guilt there. Yeah. Quite a lot to take to the grave.

I couldn't sleep last night after that Chernobyl thing that I started. Have I ruined the earth? I'm never going to be able to sleep tonight. Number four on the list of the top six big name New Zealanders who missed out on the Bachelorette hosting gig, Maori chief Hone Heke. Loved cutting in a flagpole. Yeah.

And loved also, this was a guilty pleasure of his, reality TV. He followed all the bachelors. Yeah, right. International bachelorettes. Everyone loves love. Everyone does love love. That's by definition, I think. Number three on the list of the top six big name New Zealanders

who missed out on the Bachelorette hosting gig. Dame Kiri Tikanawa. This is an old school reference. She's old. You say old school, but. She'll bitch slap you for that. Yeah, don't call her old school. No.

She might be in her 60s, but she'll fly at your fists. Right. With fists of fury. Yeah. She'll get you. Number two on the list of the top six big name New Zealanders who missed out on the Bachelorette hosting gig, Sir Peter Blake.

Two things about Sir Peter Blake. 75, by the way. Is she? She was good for 75. What keeps her so youthful? She's got a Grammy Award for Best Opera that year. What keeps her so useful? She's got a Grammy Award for Best Opera Recorder. She's a Grammy winner. You Google her name.

Google her net worth. Blow your mind. Net worth. Oh, $20 million. Get out of it. That's out of control. Get out of it. 20 mil.

Good on her. Loves a frock. She does love a frock. Old people do love a frock. Of course they do. She's an opera singer. Loves a frock. Like, you never see her in trackies.

I've never seen. You wouldn't. I've never. I'm not her neighbour or anything. That's what we need. Like a real down-to-earth opera singer who just rocks out in their trackies. Yeah. And goes, oh shit, sorry.

I just had a sausage roll in the car on the way. That's it. That's it. With saucy roll crumbs on it. Yeah. Number two, Sir Peter Blake. Loved those shows. RIP Sir Peter Blake.

Why are you naming people from the 90s? Because they're big name New Zealanders? Weird, you're weird. And the number one in today's top six big name New Zealanders who missed out on the Bachelorette hosting gig, Kate Shepard. Suffragette Kate Shepard. You may have seen her on a $10 note. Yeah, I'm sure she would have loved it.

No, she would have loved it because it was a woman having choices. Yeah, right. Not a woman being lined up and picked from. The woman was doing the picking. Yeah. Yeah, right. And then she would be a woman hosting the show. What a dynamic power dynamic.

Dynamic power dynamic. That works in my head. Different use of the dynamics there. But this would have been her moment. But of course, Art swooped in and stole it. Typical man. And she also died in 1934. I just learned a lot of these old people.

A lot of these people on our money. Dead. Sir Red. Dead. Kate Shepard. Dead. The Kiwi. Dead.

The Queen on the other side, still around. For how long? Your guess is as good as mine. Sir Aparana Nata. On the 50. Dead. Dead. The Kiwi. Dead. Dead. The Queen on the other side, still around. Yeah. For how long? Your guess is as good as mine. Sir Aparana Nata on the 50. Dead. Lord Ernest Rutherford. Dead.

Dead. It's a lot to take in. I'm sorry to have to bring everybody down like that. But everyone on our back notes is dead. Great. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Yesterday, Vaughan and I, we snapped Megan online, looking to order something for Christmas. This is part of your rapping regiment.

Yeah. So I showed Fletch. You said my rapping this year was chic. You like it. I think every year you are known for going overboard. Your presents are perfection. I just make them all the same, and they've got to have wrapping, ribbon,

and some kind of nice element to them. We just said the other day, a study's found that if you wrap a present really good, the expectations for that present are too high. You've got to wrap presents... You wrap rubbish. Rubbish terribly. And it'll make your average present better.

But I always like want them to look really great so the anticipation is like high. Yep. So they're like wow this is really nice and then if that present's average

they just remember that they always look nice. Right. Okay. Yeah. Maybe it doesn't work that way. But at least your home and your tree

is picture perfect. Yes. That's what matters. Because I hate it when people bring their other presents and they're wrapped poorly or like they're just like. So tell everybody what you're doing for your presents this year. So I know black is not very festive, but it's real chic. So I've gone matte black paper, all just matte black.

And then I'm having black string instead of ribbon because I did black ribbon last year. Okay. Black on black for Christmas. Yes. Is there any colour

in there at all? No. And then to seal the black no it looks real chic to seal the black string I'm looking

to get a wax stamp made with the P on it because that's our last name. Oh my God. And it'll be black wax to seal the string and then it has a white calligraphy

printed name on it. On what? On the string? So I'll get a piece of paper, a white piece of paper and it has a little, like your name written on it. How will you do that?

Will you do the calligraphy? Or will you print it off? I'll get it printed. I'll get it printed on this paper. But, like, on a desk jet? No, I'm going to go get it printed on recycled paper so I can tear the edges and make it look pretty. You're going to get it printed in a printing outfit?

Yeah. I'm not going to write it. No, no, but you know you can just print at work and then cut it. Will it print on that real hard, like, thick paper? But you've got to do this thing. Oh, no, no, no, you can at work and then cut it. Will it print on that real hard, like, thick paper? But you've got to do this thing. Oh, no, no, no, you can at work, yeah, because you've got to swipe your swipe card at work to get it to print, and so you would make sure that you just put the paper in on top.

Right. That would work, wouldn't it? Yeah, but you know that a sheet of paper's not expensive, and also, like, getting it printed, it's like, I don't know, a dollar. A lot of effort. Yeah, so much effort. You don't want to use sheets. Because you use yours as a sort of a point of interior decorating pre-Christmas.

Yeah, I do. Because then my tree's all like silver and champagne coloured, the decorations. And then underneath, the presents will all be black. And then I've got like a snow skirt for my tree. So that's white. Oh my God. What is a snow skirt? It goes around the bottom of the tree so you cover like the legs.

So it looks like there's snow under the tree. Yeah, right. What's the snow skirt made of? It's like a white fluff. Does that look tacky? Excuse me. It says pink Christmas tree, man. That was at my old flat.

That was the flat's Christmas tree, not mine. And it was very expensive in Bougie. Super flamboyant. It was for the day. It was very ahead of its time. Okay. So I have made, I've asked for a quote for a stamp. I need to get the wax seal made.

But I went P rather than like something festive so I could use it for all presents going forward. Very Game of Thrones. Isn't it? Way to sell your presents. Enjoy your presents, children. Winter is coming and it could be our last. But I have to get it made. Right.

And it'll cost me about $120 for the stamp. What? No. No way. No. What are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Are you cutting me for a stamp?

Excuse me? There's got to be cheaper. No, no, no. He's buying all kinds of crazy crap that you don't need. But he buys a power tool. That's like different. You bought cows that do nothing. They are getting.

Megan does have a. They are very. And they are a lot more than $100. Yeah, they were. This is for all my presents going forward. No, I'm just saying that you could definitely get one cheaper. 100%. AliExpress.

You could get a metal coin or a circle metal. No, I'm serious. Take it to an engraver and ask for a deep P backwards. And then they do it deep. And they look at me crazy like. No, no.

They'll know what you're talking about. You're just making a wax seal. And get it really deep. And surely that's not going to cost you $100. That's a lot of effort to go to to get words printed on a piece of paper. And now you want me to make a stamp. You're not quite aware of what lengths I'll go to to save myself $100. Oh, I'll spend over $100 to save myself $100.

Oh, my God. Because that's economics, baby. Is it? Fleshfauna Megan, the podcast. ZM. Yesterday, as is becoming a trend, we at my house, the farmlet, beti et fer.

Yeah. Pamuiti would be the Maori word for small farm. I looked it up. Oh, you should call it that. Pamuiti, I think it's a great name, right? Yeah. Because apparently if you've got a little bit of land, you've got to get a wooden sign made and stuck at the end of your driveway.

I joked about it, but then I drove down our road. I'm like, everybody has one. It's a classic. So, I bring in the chicken eggs. We've got eight chickens. They lay eight eggs a day. That's a lot of eggs a week. It sure adds up.

It's great. Eight times seven, 56. It's great for us because... Is it? Is it good math? Eight times seven, is it 56? It was my automatic response, I assume. It feels right.

Do you need me to check? Yeah, seven, seven's 49. Add seven more. No, it's not right. 56. It is. I did say 56. You did good

This is why I told you That time I cheated a maths And I wrote all the 7s On my hand You can't do 7s anymore No I can't That's all I can do 7 times 9

63 Wow So Anyway you get a lot of eggs I get a lot of eggs So I bring some in I share around It's great for me

Because you know I love Eggs So yesterday We've got Because we went away last weekend. So we came home and there was a whole lot of eggs waiting for us. And then it's been going throughout the week. And so I brought in eggs to share with my workmates. And one lot was in a plastic container with a lid.

Now, it made a good carrying container because it was one of those ones that you sucked the air out of. I think it was like new oil or something. Right. You sucked the air out of and it kept stuff fresh, but the little rubbery bung had gone on it, so it just makes a good container now.

But it doesn't make a full sealed container. That's why I just put eggs in it. Right. Fletch went out and picked up the container of eggs by the lid. I saw it happening In Slime I was watching him I was like

And too late He ripped it up I was passing it To James Producer James James was already Sitting right beside The eggs

You didn't need To hand them to him And a dozen eggs Boom boom boom boom There wasn't a single Egg spare Nah they all got wasted They got ruined.

As seen on Instagram stories yesterday. Whipsy. It's a daisy. Who picks up something by the lid? You never pick up a container by the lid. Even if that was meant to be sealed. No, even if it's a screwed on lid, you don't pick up things by the lid. Especially knowing that what's inside is super fragile.

Just coming in hot all the time. You even admitted that this container is faulty, and that's why it's being used for an egg container. Yeah. But even if it was sealed on, I wouldn't ever pick it up by the lid. Yeah, right. Well, it was an absolute mess. I had to clean it up.

Did you end up organising a carpet clean? Yeah, we emailed the people and they... We? I don't know, James emailed the people. You left and someone else organised for it to be cleaned up. I cleaned up. I had to scoop up with my hands. That was weird. I had to scoop up all the eggs with my hands

and pull them into the container and then I got some paper towels, soaked up as much as I could and then went to get the carpet cleaned up. A rug doctor or something from the supermarket. I don't know how it works. That's responsible. We've come a long way. We would have walked away from that one spot of time.

You would have. I would have walked away from it yesterday. Yeah, I know you would have. If it had been me. But a huge mess. Absolutely huge mess. And it's such a waste, too. Such a shame.

Yeah. I did feel bad. It got us to thinking, if this has happened to this moron, surely there's other morons out there. But when have you wasted a large amount of food? When have you dropped? I know there's the famous scene in the American office where the guy spills the chili, and it's like the big pot of chili,

and you're like, oh. I, my favorite are the food courts with the slidey trays. You know, like they'll put an Indian, like, butter chicken combo on, all the plates, and then a big drink, and, you know, people are walking to their table, and it's very sliding. It's a sliding tray. It should be a matte tray with a non-stick surface. Yeah.

It should be. It should. Why is it not? Why is it not? More expensive to manufacture. Harder to clean. Maybe it gets a bit manky it not? More expensive to manufacture. Harder to clean. Maybe it gets a bit manky because it's a nonstick. Yeah, it'd be harder to clean.

But still, those trays are letting people down because I've seen some spills in food courts. But you're not going into that naive. Hold your bowl and your plate. You know that they're sliding. All right, okay. Well, everyone's got to go to a food court for a first time, Megan. It's not until you spill that you lose that naivete.

So, 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. I think this will make me feel better. But how much food did you drop at once? And what was it? And was it in public? Even better. Super messy. Because it's always, like when you drop, you've just made dinner.

Have you ever done that? Yeah. I dropped pasta, but I picked up most of it And still ate it It's good When you're having a dog That's half retriever You just like Go

They clean it up Eat it Lick it all up Alright so 0800 DALS at M Let's share in the embarrassment 9696 How much

What was the most amount of food You dropped at once? And bonus points If it was in public Too Even better We're talking about the most amount of food you've

dropped in one go. Yep. I dropped probably, what, a dozen eggs? A dozen eggs, yeah. A dozen eggs, wow. And then free range too, that would have been like nine or ten bucks worth of eggs if you're getting them in the supermarket. That was some yellow yolks. Thanks, I'll take it.

I know, I'll take a written apology to my chickens. And then I'll go down and read it to the hen dashi. What they had to go through to get those eggs to you. I know like each egg takes 24 hours of process time. And then they have to squeeze it out. It's not as shocking as if you dropped a pineapple. Three years to grow a pineapple. Three years.

Each pineapple. Yeah, that's nuts. Mind blowing. Every time I see my pineapple now, I'm just like, you've come a long way. You have a little and then it goes all manky in your fridge and you're like, I'll just chuck you out. That's three years. Yeah, that's nuts. The spot of ground in Hawaii is like, oh, all of my hard work.

That's not how they talk, but okay. Wait, you know how soil speaks in Hawaii, do you? You're familiar with the language of soil and ease, are you? You know how the ground speaks in Hawaii, do you? Right, so we want to know the most food you dropped at once. Christy, how much? Well, I used to work in a bakery, and I had just iced about 50 gingerbread men for the week,

and I was about to put them in the cabinet and dropped the whole lot. Oh! Okay, I feel better about dropping eggs now. Yeah, there were gingerbread limbs everywhere. It was a massacre. It was not a happy time.

They would shatter when they hit the ground, wouldn't they? So did they all have to go in the bin or did you just blow on them and just put them back in packets? I saved one for myself for morning tea but the rest go in the bin or did you just blow on them and just put them back in packets?

I saved one for myself for morning tea, but the rest gets on the bin. Can I ask, you said you were icing the gingerbread biscuits for the week. How long would a gingerbread man stay in the cabinet unpurchased? Well, this bakery's gone under now and I'm wondering if this is to do with health and safety regulations. It was your stable gingerbread people. No further questions, Your Honour. Hey, Christy, thanks for your call. Jo, what food did you drop?

I was working at a pub restaurant, and I was carrying three plates of those big wedges with the bacon and the sour cream. Loaded wedges. Loaded wedges. And double-plated with a plate on the bottom, bowl on top, neck in the middle. And I was walking up the stairs and I tripped up the stairs

and all three plates of wedges just flew up the stairs and went all over. So I was absolutely, I just kind of lay there for like five seconds just thinking about what I was going to do next. Just lie there and eat some of the chippies that weren't touching the floor. Were you crying? Yeah. I was really quiet, just thinking about,

okay, do I clean it up? Do I pretend it wasn't me? Do I fail? Do I leave? Do I need this job? Do I need this job? Hard to pretend it wasn't you when you're covered in them. Yeah.

Thanks, you called Joe. Some text messages. Tell you what, lots of reports of lasagna. Oh, yeah. A lot of people getting lasagna. Oh, yeah. A lot of people getting lasagna out of the oven when it all goes pear-shaped or underestimating the weight of lasagna while trying to transport it from one part of the bench to the other. Yeah.

Somebody else said that they were carrying a full pot of vegetarian curry. Now, I don't know why they were traversing the lounge, but they were. They had to step over a child barrier. First leg got halfway and the foot caught on the barrier, but momentum had been established. I face-planted into the pot and all over the carpet. Oh, you'd have to clean that quick. I think you'd probably just have to get a new carpet, wouldn't you?

Probably. I worked at McDonald's, dropped a whole metal container of strawberry sundae topping. Oh, yum. It was like watching a Catherine Wheel of strawberry topping. I went on the ceiling and everything.

Somebody else was carrying a large bucket of aioli. Oh. And the handle broke when they were going downstairs and they just said it just looked like some sort of

aioli murder scene. And the stairs was literally, the roof was dripping in aioli. There was aioli murder scene and the stairs was literally the roof was dripping in aioli there was aioli everywhere somebody said

there was a rugby game on and I was carrying a tray full of drinks in a full bar in front of the screen someone yelled out don't trip and I tripped

and everyone gave me a big rousing round of applause for my efforts. Oh, that's embarrassing. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far? And it's all thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor. Do you love free data?

Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay. Hey, guys, let's get back into that podcast. Some announcements yesterday for TVNZ's lineup for 2020. The Bachelorette host is going to be Art Green, if you've not heard. Yep. I think that's a great fit. Well, he knows.

He knows all about it, doesn't he? He knows. He's been on the other side. He has been on the other side of it. He's been involved. Another announcement, an exciting announcement in studio. Megan Papadopoulos is going to be hosting a TVNZ On Demand show called Glow Up. And it's, would you say it's project runway for makeup artists? That's kind of how I've described it, yeah.

So there's people on there who are doing makeup challenges, these judges. And people get eliminated, you know, every week. Right. Until you get a champion. Yeah, until you get a champion. A makeup champion. Yeah. Do you know, it's not always going to be like, it'll be different sorts of makeup, right?

Like it could just be like. Different challenges. Casual night out makeup. Yeah, exactly. Will there be a challenge where they have to use makeup from the pantry? Do you know, there's a UK version, you laugh, but that was one of the challenges. Thank you.

They had to make makeup in the kitchen. Cocoa powder. It's basically Thin Lizzy. No, cocoa powder's no, that's blackface. Don't you do that. Don't you cultural appropriate. And that's how long Megan's TV show lasted. Just come right in here for some cocoa powder.

No, no, no, no, no. You del it down with some corn flour. Yes. And then it's fine. That's basically thin Lizzie. Yeah. Yeah.

So it was exciting yesterday we went to like the, yeah, like you say, the launch of TVNZ's staff. I got to see Vaughan in his TV element. I like messaged him before. I was like,

hey, are you here already? Because I was nervous, like new to the Hulk scene and didn't know everyone. I felt like first day at school. And he was like... See you, loser. I said, you're on your own, loser. He was having drinks with all his TV famous friends.

It's a shark eat shark, dog eat dog world. Right, okay. And then I was like... Did he not want to talk to you? No. Because you're just a little person. He was like... That is absolute bullshit. I was like- Did he not want to talk to you? No. Because you're just a little person. He was like- That is absolute bullshit.

I was like, where are you? Come back here. No, I messaged and was like, oh, shall I come join? Just being cheeky. And like ages later, he's like, yeah, sure. I was like, well, I've walked past now. Don't worry about it. Then afterwards, I messaged, are you still here?

And ages after, he texts me. He's like, yeah. And I look over in the middle of the room and who do I see but social butterfly Vaughn Smith why am I being ragged on here this wasn't a

Vaughn Smith ragging just like having a were you drinking wine no Megan I was drinking water I was I was drinking water okay well he was

drinking water like having a big old yarn with like his I couldn't hear a thing anybody was saying Hayley Sproul and Ursula Carlson. We made a deal. We're like, this is what's going to happen.

We're going to, Hilary Bowery said, you do the circuit. You walk out, you do the circumference. I do. What are you name dropping? My friend Hilary Bowery. She's an experienced. Yeah. So I'm sat between Michael Galvin, Chris Warner and Jeremy Wells.

So there's a row of three heartthrobs. Absolutely. No, and Hilary's like, you don't stop. You just be seen. Right. And she's like, you're tall, which helps.

If you're short, she's like, if you're short, you've got to be loud. Well, this is why I say in the staff meetings, you always make a scene. Like our last one,

I yelled out to Bogs and he made a smart ass comment and then I left. And he assumed I was there for the entire meeting. Yeah, and then I was there for that entire meeting and I got smart ass comment and then I left. And he assumed I was there for the entire meeting. Yeah, and then I was there for that entire meeting and I got told, why didn't I go? Exactly.

Yeah. Exactly. So make a scene, be seen and then sneak off. But then don't stop was her main. And we walked out and Hayley's like, oh my God, I know them and stopped. I was like, you've broken the golden rule. So you had to be social last night.

I had to be like, yep, yep. I couldn't hear anything. It was so loud. He's acting like it was such a difficult time for him, but he was in the middle of the room. I was like, doesn't do this with radio. Literally never parties with us. Not true, not true.

But with his fancy TV friends, he's like, how about vino and a yarn? When does your TV show start, Megan? Your new one. It's not shot yet. We're looking for contestants, but it will be in the new year. I don't actually know if I'm allowed to say, so it'll be in 2020. All right, okay.

We're joined on the phone, as we are every other Friday, by the Prime Minister. Good morning to you. Good morning. Good morning. What's that noise in the background? Is that a child? Oh, I'm so sorry. Don morning to you. Good morning. Good morning. What's that noise in the background? Is that a child? I'm so sorry.

It's me with old McDonald. Oh, bless. Is it a toy or is it on TV? No, it's some evil person gave us a singing Wiggles book. A singing Wiggles book?

Why would you do that. Do they hate you? Yeah, as I say, evil. I thought it was, I've just been, I've taken back to my childhood. We had this wheel thing and you pushed it in the middle. It was like, oh, McDonald had a farm. And then it would stop on the animal, the arrow would. And then it would be like, oink, oink. This is not as sophisticated as that.

This is a button on repeat. Oh, I think I know the book. Surprisingly, a bestseller. Yeah. Yeah. Because there are evil people out there. There are. Now, yesterday, a pretty massive day in parliament in New Zealand.

So 119 of the 120 MPs of New Zealand Parliament voted for carbon neutrality by 2050. Have I got that right? That is correct. You're absolutely right. Who was the arsehole that did it? Do you actually know? Well, do you know what? I actually, I haven't seen, but I'm pretty sure that it's David Seymour.

But I do want to put a disclaimer there that I haven't actually checked the voting results. I read an article on it yesterday and it kind of had lots of people from, you know, all over Parliament. And I was like, who was it that didn't? But I didn't. You know why? It's because he wants Epsom to be waterfront by 2050. That'll be it. I should add that disclaimer. I haven't actually checked,

but that's the only, that's the only, that's my assumption. Yeah, before, yeah, that's my assumption. That's the theory. So that's 30 years away. Is this accomplished?

Is this doable? Yeah, so it's, not to bore you, the bill itself that is the goal that we've now set but it also has things like a carbon budget process and a commission that help us with the target

so it basically sets out how we're going to try and get there as well, so it's a whole mechanism, so the way I've been describing it it's like laying a foundation for us trying to, making sure we achieve our Paris Agreement targets. And so, yeah, look, it is achievable. You know, the last thing we need, I think,

is the world saying it's not possible and throwing their arms in the air. So alongside this, we're doing lots of things like investing in public transport, trying to make sure we've got alternate energy sources. There'll be a first hydrogen plant in New Zealand open next year, for instance. So lots of exciting things going on. We're just going to get on with it.

Whereabouts is this hydrogen plant? It's near Taupo. Okay. Huh. Yeah. Because I knew you said hydrogen, and I thought... To produce hydrogen.

Oh, right, because I immediately thought hydrogen bomb. I was like... No, no. Not, not... See, that just... Do you know what? That's so generational. You and I are of the nuclear age.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. And actually, that's one of the things... You know, this is the, you know, our version of nuclear free, but for this generation, I think, is the climate movement. Yeah. Were you in Parliament, in the chamber this week

when Chloe Swarbrick dropped her OK Boomer line? No, I wasn't. So I would have been in the building, but I wasn't down in the debating chamber when that happened. Right. So what are your takes on that? Because that's gone viral. OK Boomer.

Yeah, there's a lot of, I mean, I think probably for context, when you're down in the debating chamber, there's a lot of banter and heckling. So interestingly, the only time it goes on record is if you respond to someone. Otherwise, it's often muted and you can't really hear it. But because she chucked OK Boomer back, now the exchange between them is officially locked into history.

I've heard worse things said. You'll get kicked out of the debating chamber for saying worse things. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. There is a code. You're not meant to be completely offensive. But yeah,

I've heard more robust than that as well. To be honest, I'm actually surprised these two are... To me, BBC. Yeah, I've seen them everywhere. Half-posed everywhere. And I think, look, I think Chloe's entitled to, you know,

respond when she's being heckled. But probably for the person, I think if the person really was, if it really was the person they say it was that she was saying it to, she's probably younger than that. Oh, right. Probably not quite boomer generation. I think boomers become more of an attitude than a, like, a defining, you know, born between two dates.

You're absolutely right, and that was Chloe's point. You can be a baby boomer without having been born in the baby boomer. Frame of mind. Yeah, yeah. It's totally a... And you can be a boomer and actually not be of a boomer attitude. Oh, 100%. 100%.

One last thing. I just don't think these two are going to bring it up with you. They're still very salty at you for the John Oliver snub. No, Stephen Colbert. Christ, if there's a John Oliver snub, I'll be beyond. Colbert. Yeah. In fact, there was some harsh words thrown your way,

but they're not going to say it to your face. I mean, it just would have been nice for a text, a heads up, like a anonymous number. A GPS location in a military time. I would have worked out the rest for myself. I don't want to take this for granted, but everyone in New Zealand knows where I live, so

I don't know why you guys just didn't stand outside. I mean, other people did. I didn't know he was going to come to your house. That's so cowy. Where else was I going to take him? And also, Ron's very lazy. Like, that requires effort. No, I would have been there for Colbert. I would have been there for Colbert.

All right, well, let's get back to your old McDonald Wiggles book. That sounds like you're missing out on some crucial animal knowledge there. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, real animals, not insta-animals. Yeah, okay. Don't take a shot. Don't take a shot. Just a little bit of conversation

at my farm. Just before we went on air, there was some shade thrown at Vaughan's Instagram-worthy farm. Yeah, it's an Instagram farm. Tell you what, it's carbon neutral though. I don't know.

I don't know if it is, but there's trees and stuff, so it's not off-season. I've got more trees than you guys. Way more trees. Yeah, exactly. Thank you very much. There we go. Prime Minister, thank you.

Talk again soon. Friday Flashback. It's a Friday tradition. Yep, sure is. We start the 8 o'clock hour and the kickoff's Friday, James, and Friday with a song that's got to be at least, at least, at least 10 years old. Yes. This band that I'm going to play today, they announced a tour. It's coming to New Zealand. Yeah.

They're going to be supported by Jimmy World. Midnight Youth, which is a New Zealand band. I didn't know they were still functioning, but they were functioning at the time, so maybe it's that whole reunion deal. The whole vibe of it. Are you coming with us? Because Fletch and I are going.

Are you going to come? What day is it? It's a Wednesday. Oh, granddad. I could. No, you went out with all your TVNZ friends last night on a weeknight. Yeah, I didn't like getting home late. At all.

God, you're such a nana. Some of us are just geared that way. But I maybe would, but I'll definitely wear my orange earplugs. Can you get like skin-coloured ones? That would be so, so loud. So this song from 2004 off an album that was called... My Chemical Root. Oh, what's it called? Three Chairs for Sweet Revenge.

Oh, that's right. Three Chairs for Sweet Revenge. The song sometimes has a parenthesis in the title. Okay. So Long and Goodnight, end parenthesis in the title. Okay. So long and good night, end parenthesis. Such a good song. But otherwise, just known as Helena from Our Chemical Romance is your Flashback Friday.

It's a lot. It's going to get your day started. You're in a sly mood. Prepare to be picked up a couple of gears, baby. Coming next year. See them. and picked up a couple of gears, baby. Coming next here, is it him? So far from you Burning on Just like a match

You start to incinerate The lives of everyone you know And what's the worst to take From every heart you break And like the blade you'll stay While I've been holding on Tonight What's the worst thing I can say

Since I've been with you What's the worst thing I can say? Since our very first day So long and goodnight So long and goodnight Came a time When every star Fall brought to the tears again We are the very hurt you sold And what's the worst you take

From every heart you break And like the blade you'll stab While I'm Holding This night What's the worst thing I can say Things are better If I stay So long

Have a good night So long Have a good night What are you carrying On this way Things are better If I stay Good night. Oh, here we are You know it's me We turn to evil We get on when both are combined

What's the worst thing I can say? Things are very fast So long and goodnight So long and goodnight We're all this way? Things are better if I stay So long and goodnight So long and goodnight

My Chemical Romance. It's your Flashback Friday today, Helena. And they're coming in March. Jimmy Eat World, I think most excited about Jimmy Eat World as much as My Chemical Romance. It'll be in March next year. Vaughan, feedback for your Flashback Friday. The inner emo has awoken in me.

Same. Somebody said, saw My Chemical Romance at the big day out. This is bringing back many good memories. That was a great big day out This is bringing back Me too Many good memories That was such a good gag That was a great big day out Gotta say I was more of a

Jack Johnson guy When this came out In between dreams By Jack Johnson What an album They say Wow Gotta keep the

Inner emo demon Happy though So understand the choice Lot of people Not a fan. Somebody said, nothing catchy about this, ramble. And then somebody else said, this is just noise. Which is what all music is really.

Everything we experience in our ears is noise. It's all how we interpret it. I enjoyed it. Yeah, I had a good time. Good thrash out there. Yeah. Was it less or more received than my Fireflies Our City last week?

I think you'll find more negative feedback this week. No, I'd say it was the same. Oh, really? Interesting. That's interesting. Vaughn, isn't it? Considering you absolutely roasted me last week. Yeah, but the thing is, for my synth pop banger. That was a kickstart your day.

Yeah, right. Where you put us all back to bed. With fireflies. I want to talk about a study now that has found, and I don't know why we needed this study, but it has found that when there is a possibility

of a romantic encounter or a sexual encounter, people are very likely to present themselves in a deceptive manner in order to appear as attractive as possible to a new mate. That's just dating. That is just dating, exactly. So a couple of studies have found

that our sexual systems are activated in the presence of an attractive stranger. Right. So it is common for people to embellish, conform, change their attitudes regarding certain topics. So you might even change your political opinions or some well-held beliefs if you find this person attractive just to get them in bed.

You outright lie to also make a good first impression. So basically, people will say anything to get in bed. So did you read that story about the guy and his girlfriend? Because it's not just strangers. There was a story about a boyfriend who lied to his girlfriend and said that he had a lot excess white blood cells and that he needed to have sex. Wait, she believed that? She believed it.

He said, oh, look, we've got to have sex tonight because I've got excess white blood cells. What is excessive white blood cells? Why does that have anything to do? Right, okay. I don't know. And how this became a story because she, what, told her friends? She asked about it. She asked if this was a thing

and everyone's like, no, this is why we need sex education in schools. Infection, stress, inflammation, trauma, allergy, other causes of high white blood cell count. Right. Nothing there about treating it with a round of nookie. Right. So I...

Imagine going to your doctor and he's like, oh, you'll be fine. You've just got to have sex three or four times a week for the rest of your life. You'd be like, okay. You're like, oh, God. You're going away for the week. Isn't there a pill?

Is this enough for the euthanasia pill? So I want to ask the question this morning, what lie has someone told you on a date? Or what lie have you told on a date? To, you know, get to the next level, to get to the next base. To get someone in bed. Do you remember, Producer Caitlin, when that guy told

you he was in a crime squad? He was an undercover... Gary! Gary from Crime Squad! That worked on me until you told me that that was obviously a lie. That someone that was deep undercover for the police wouldn't be telling someone from Tinder. Yeah, obviously. Yeah.

But I'm very gullible, so I would believe anything. Right. Has anyone else told you like a big yarn to get your... Um, they always talk about their mums and I'm like,

oh my God. What? And that's a good thing. Yeah. I'd be like... You're weird. No, I like it. We may have relationships

with their mum. They talk about their mum and you... On a date. Get all riled up for it. R, I like it when they have relationships with their mum. They talk about their mum and you... On a date. Get all riled up for it. Riled up for it. I was going to say horny, but I felt it wasn't... Yeah, you don't speak about me like that.

No, I know. That's why I said all riled up. Aroused. Don't say that either. Or like when they talk about kids and how they have kids or like kids. But what about saying you like something when you don't just to impress them? I know it's weird.

Yeah, maybe. If someone was like, yeah, I'm like eating more plant-based, I'd be like, hey. We have wildly different tastes in men, but that's okay. I don't know. It's just Friday, I've just eaten

Half a Kit Kat You know Let's go the other half Actually what about It's just the best Oh you're gonna forgive Our friend Caitlin It's Friday

And she's eaten Half a Kit Kat But what about that guy That told you he was a doctor And he obviously wasn't By his Instagram Oh yeah Whoopsie daisy

He wasn't That's right That worked That worked Yeah that did work I bet people go out On a Friday Saturday night And lie about their occupation Oh yeah, whoopsie daisy. He wasn't. That's right. That worked. That worked. Yeah, that did work. I bet people go out on a Friday, Saturday night and lie about their occupation all the time. All the time.

Because it would work. Because you would just say, oh my God, he's a doctor. I know. I could marry a doctor. Okay, I'll go home with you. Doctor, I never tried that. I always tried stuff like, I'm rollercoaster designer. Because I thought that's way more exciting than a doctor. Like doctors have to deal with poos and stuff. I'm a roller coaster designer. Because I thought that's way more exciting than a doctor.

Like doctors have to deal with poos and stuff. I'm a roller coaster designer. Not everyone likes roller coasters. Yeah, but they'll be like, what's involved? And I'll be like, well, you draw it, don't you? And they'll be like, okay. I'll be like, there's more to it. I could bore you with the details.

Why are you saying you're a roller coaster designer if you want to bore them? I remember drawing on a napkin. I'd be like, this one would kill you. This is the loops. And I'd be like, yeah, this one would. Oh, this is shit. Did that even work?

And I was like, what am I doing wrong? Two's a better job to lie about. Okay, so 0800DANCEATM9696, give us a text or a call. What lie has somebody told you to get you into bed? I want to know the lies that you've told or someone's told

maybe to impress you when you've been on a date. Maybe it'd help get to that next base. Some of these are bananas, like nuts. Level lies. My cousin and I convinced two girls we were tiger handlers at a zoo.

Worked a treat. We just downloaded some pictures of tigers from Google when we went to the bathroom. Oh, my God. And said, these are our tigers. Oh, my God. Brilliant. But then another one, a mate in uni would say he was a dolphin trainer. How do you get away with that?

Somebody else said dolphin trainer as well when they were in America and then when they started asking more questions I'd recently watched the Flipper movie so I just retold the Flipper movie as if it was my own This wouldn't get me anymore after The Cove I'd be like No That would be not

It's just a different game nowadays Impressive now, no Yeah I lied and told a guy I had a threesome. Five years later, I had to break it to him that I hadn't, and it wasn't true because he always asked me questions about what it was like, and I lied for a bit, and then I just had to tell him it wasn't true five years later.

But he still loves me, though. Phew. Oh, so they're still together. Yeah. Oh, okay. Well, he's been holding out for five years. Why would that have been a lie on like a date? To make you sound sexually adventurous.

Oh, right. But then he's like, oh, are your fans another one? She on like a date. To make you sound sexually adventurous. Oh, right. But then he's like, oh, are your fans in another one? She's like, nah. Nah. And he's like, oh, but I haven't had one. No, just say maybe one day until they fall in love and then. And then you've got them stuck. Wow, so this is a play-by-play happening right in front of us.

Oh, my God. So just say you did and then, you know, say yeah, maybe one day and then wait until they fall in love with you and then say yeah, maybe one day we're engaged and then, you know, say, yeah, maybe one day and then wait till they've fallen in love with you and then say, yeah, maybe one day we're engaged and then get engaged and then say after we're married and then after you're married and then say no and you've legally, you've got them. Is that like a fair representation? That is not a fair representation.

I just float so easily from you. You're open to it then. Don't. What about you, Fletch? Hello? We are now going to Jess. Good morning, Jess. Thanks, Mark.

Good morning. Thank you for saving me from that. Oh, we're going to do a deep dive, Jess. Not at this time of day. No, not at this time of day. Jess, now, did you lie to a guy? No, I didn't. Okay.

Did they lie to you? Yes. Okay. What did they say? So I met them online and they had on their profile that they were a nurse. And I was like, that's really cool. And I have this thing where I'll date someone for 90 days before I decide if I'm actually going to go up against them. Give them three written warnings and they're gone.

Well, I read somewhere that after 90 days, the goggles come off and you can see them. You know, it starts being more more real um and so I we went on lots of dates and how I was thinking I was going out with a nurse that worked at the you know main hospital um it wasn't at all I said yes I will um date you and he was trying a lot between that to make it official but um I finally said yes after three months and a couple of weeks after that he said I need to tell you that um I'm not the nurse that you think I am I'm actually working in a rest home. But also, I was laid off before we even met because I'm a drug addict and I was caught stealing their drugs. Because I was going to be like, well, you know, if you're not a nurse, that's one thing.

But like you're working in a rest home, you're doing good stuff. But now he's stolen their medication. Oh, no. Yikes. Yeah. So that didn't last very long after that. No, but he'd done all the hard work for three months. It impressed you.

I know. He didn't need to lie in the first place, did he? Yeah. No. Amazing. Thanks, Jess. Some text messages? Somebody said,

I always told guys that I was interested in that I'd never had the big O. Setting them goals. Because that became a challenge for them. Are you hearing this? I just understand. It's important to have goals set for them.

I had a friend that would tell girls he was a Westpac helicopter winch man. That's sexy. He didn't need to know how to fly a helicopter he just needed to operate a winch. Yeah. And you could probably just go down to where it lands and take a photo from the fence. Yeah.

Done. Oh, you mean through the chain link feet and just photo the winch. Yeah, and you just say, I don't have photos inside because I'm too busy. Yeah, I'm too busy. I've got my hands full with a bloody winch. Yeah. It's not the time or place. Yeah.

Yeah. Just go to the Westpac open day, the helicopter open day. Just sit in the seat. This is me at work. This happened last weekend. My partner's friend told a girl that he was a cop

as well as a professional surfer because of course you've got time for both. Oh my God. Why don't they have four days on, four days off? So it'd be perfect for surfing. Yeah, but you can't go

to the Rip Curl tour in Sri Lanka and make it back to your bloody 12-hour shift in South Auckland, mate. It's wildly unbelievable if you give it five minutes' thought. No, but they'll probably give you special leave because you're on the Rip Curl circuit. As long as you bring everybody back a Rip Curl wetsuit and some stickers, some stickers of the patrol car, the next morning...

Rip curl. Established 1979. Or whenever it was. Dial 111. And then that rip curl logo. That'd be good. The next morning she suggested he teach her how to surf. He said,

nah, I'm on duty. And he left. But neither were true. Can you get done impersonating? I know that impersonating a police officer was a crime, but impersonating a police officer on a date? Maybe if you bring the police into disrepute with, like, terrible. Love making. Love making.

Fair call. Yeah. I always blow on the pie. My brother's an accountant. I don't know why I said that. Sorry, I just decided to roll into the next sentence. My brother's an accountant, and don't know what that means. So I just decided to roll into the next sentence. My brother's an accountant and while living in London in the 90s, he would tell ladies he had a Mr. Whoopie truck.

Like, truly, you can look at an accountant and be like, I don't know how you do it, but there is a career that you can do till you die that's well-paying. That seems quite funny for till you die. Yeah. That's well paying. That seems quite funny for an accountant too. Yeah. But no, he's like, oh, ice cream truck. I don't know. Can you bring me home some flakes? He'd have to go to the supermarket and buy whole flakes and cut them in half. Which is what he does anyway, because he's an accountant. Probably. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. He's like half a flake for today, save the other half for Thursday.

Not too much fun in one day, thank you, Gareth. You know what you get like. Gives himself a little talk down. Good one, Gareth. You've had enough coffee for one day, Gareth. You've got the shakes. Now, back to the spreadsheet. Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Heck, I'm going quick. Because of all the coffee I've had. Lucky I didn't have that other half of a flake. I would have diarrhea. There's a Gareth the Accountant that's feeling really attacked right now. He should. In my dream world, there's a Gareth the Accountant having a coffee being like, this is almost me.

I'm a flake away from being Gareth. Ah, yeah, so it turns out no shortage of people also lie to potential partners. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- happened. Today's fact of the day is a typo once destroyed a NASA rocket. A typo. And you know what it was? It was just somebody forgot to put in a hyphen. Okay. It's like a dash,

right? Yep. Up beside the zero on the keyboard. We're all looking. Do you have to press shift or is it the... No, it's the default. Don't press shift. You'll get an underscore. This was the Mariner. This was a rocket We're all looking. Do you have to press shift or is it the... No, it's the default. Don't press shift. You'll get an underscore. Yeah, that's what they did. This was the Mariner.

This was a rocket destined for Venus. It was going to do a flyby survey of Venus. And five minutes in, it just exploded. Oh, dear. So they obviously had to find out what went wrong because this just cost them $630 million. Yeah. In modern day currency. So they obviously had to find out what went wrong because this just cost them $630 million. Yep. In modern day currency.

And they found out the only thing missing was a hyphen. Gareth had forgot to put the hyphen in. Oh, Gareth. Because Gareth had had two coffees in both houses with Kit Kat. And that's why you've got to practice a little bit of... Self-restraint. Yeah, restraint. And not go crazy because you'll forget a hyphen And cost the US a rocket

Wow That was the only thing they could find Just one typo No one go back and like double check what Gareth's done And check the hyphens there You'd think so Well no, he's a trusted member of the team So they were just going to let him have it

So next time you make a typo But how does a rocket flying through the sky like have it. So next time you make a typo. But how does a rocket flying through the sky like... All of a sudden it comes up with a typo and it's like, oh, I've got to shut down

and blow up. Well, no, it's programming would control everything. Like if it was like, if that's getting too hot at this degree, the programming would kick in a coolant

that would keep you in there. Right, rocket science. Well, no, I'm just assuming. Yeah. Okay. Programming freaks me out. Yeah, me too. And kids are learning about it.

And they're going to be smarter than us. And then we're going to be their baby boomers. Have you thought about that? Yeah. Have you thought about you ready to be that generation? They'll be like, okay, whatever generation. Millennials. Okay, millennials.

Like, okay, boomer. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, millennial. Or okay, Gen Y. And you'll be Okay, millennial. Or okay, Gen Y. And you'll be like, don't speak to me like that. Good luck with your rising water levels. Yeah, our parents ruined the housing market.

Anything that made us feel, oh, I can't wait to see what we're going to ruin for them. Do you know what? Instead of being defensive, though, we could try and listen, understand, and learn. Are you kidding me? That's such an attitude. Nothing good comes from learning from people less experienced than you. I can say things like, I've got years of wisdom, you don't know anything. Yeah, right.

That sort of stuff I'm looking for. Yeah, right, yeah. You wouldn't know. You haven't been around as long as me. That sort of, oh yeah, that rolls off the tongue. Move over, Mike Hosking. I'm ready. So today's fact of the day is in 1962, a typo, a missing hyphen,

cost NASA a rocket worth $630 million. Whoa, are you okay? It's almost asthmatic. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. What's a bonus banger? What is that? What's a bonus banger? You press the button The next fade and go

The next fade and go? Where's the mouse gone? This is harder than you Let up Okay this part This one here. I'm on tonight and my thoughts don't lie and I'm starting to feel your joy.

When you hear that song you chance to win $1000. Stop. Everybody doesn't need to be videoing me. Can you turn my microphone off? Oh, hold on. Which one's your one, Megan? The one that says, there we go. There we go. Fletcher's having a sit down. Fletcher said you can finish off the week and I said I can do that for you.

Now what do you do? Fade and go again. Great, I'm learning. Can you introduce the song? Oh, yep. It's not Ed Sheeran. Oh, it's five seconds of summer tea. It's on ZM.

Good morning. I am a paid professional. You can do anything, kids. Never give up. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. NCEA exams start today around the country. I don't know if this is a coincidence, but there is an evacuation at Otago Boys High School this morning after a threat. Ah, someone has not revised.

Somebody has not. I mean, there could be a serious situation, an actual serious situation, but it does appear that a threat was made, which has been evacuated as a precaution. And those that are meant to go in for exams have been told to stay at home. So, I mean, draw the lines. That's just so annoying for people who actually study. I know.

Just want to get it out of the way. Because would they then be allowed to, they'd just have to get a. Like calculation of the year, right? And you might get a worse... No word of what the threat is. No, nothing like that. A bear? Like a grizzly bear. A bear has come down from the mountain

range, the central Otago ranges and has walked into Otago Boys High School. Well, that black panther that they always spot around South Island. Well, yep. Or is it just like an open peanut butter sandwich? That's a threat because of the anaphylactic shock. That's true. Police spokesmen have said that nearby Arthur Street School

had delayed starting this morning as well. And the Otago boys have posted on their Facebook page saying that boys are asked to stay home until further notice. So level two physics, level three business studies or calculus scholarship level. Those are the three exams that will be delayed down there. They can trace calls, can't they? I hope they got a burner phone when they called this in.

Don't give them tips. This afternoon at two o'clock, geography. Oh, okay. German. Yeah. Level three, dance happening this afternoon. Okay. What do you do for a dance exam?

Do you have to do an interpretive dance? Level three, it wouldn't be the chicken dance. It'd be something high end. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There'd be quite high expectations, maybe some interpretive dance, maybe a routine you've choreographed yourself. And agricultural and horticultural science scholarship level

this afternoon. Okay, well, good luck to those. And if you haven't studied, please don't call in a bomb threat because that will- Or a bear threat or a peanut butter sandwich threat. That will give you a criminal record, which will stay with you longer than your NCEA shitty marks. Yeah, people forget about those pretty quickly. Yeah, no, take it from us.

Bomb threat. That'll stop you flying anywhere. Zeggings, Fletch, Va it from us. I'm threat. That'll stop you flying anywhere.