ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 13 2018

Episode Date: November 12, 2018

We sent Megan around to sort out Vaughan's Garage, Community Notices and your cute partner names.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletchbourne and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. ZDM. ZDM's Fletchbourne and Megan. Hello, good morning, welcome to the show, Fletchbourne and Megan. Hello. Greater North Island strikes today for primary and intermediate teachers. So I'm pretty sure apart from Auckland and Wellington,

this is the rest of the North Island today. Okay. And then tomorrow it's Christchurch. Then Thursday it's the rest of the South Island. Then Friday, Wellington. Okay. They should have just done Friday everybody and got a long weekend. And everybody got the day off on Friday too.

Another long weekend. Pretty sure got the day off on Friday too. Another long weekend. Pretty sure that's not how productivity works. Nor maintains. Also yeah I don't think it's considered a day off when they're like striking around the streets and stuff. True. I'm just thinking what I'd do.

There was a lot of yesterday a lot of Auckland teachers out protesting. Yeah. Give us a toot. I was like, I can do that. I was upset I didn't see any. I could give them a little bell on the old lime scooter. Although today, my lime scooter, because I lime scootered to work, Megan.

Yes. And what happened? I didn't have any breaks. Shit. Which I realised as I was coming in. Better that you find that out on the way to work, which is predominantly uphill, than on your way home, which is some aggressive downhills. Like, they worked

kind of, but hardly. Right. Yeah, I was like, whoa, good to find that out now. Oh my god. Does someone go out and service these? And test the brakes and stuff? Yeah, no, because when you check out of it, you report that there's an issue. Yeah, I reported I was sitting with faulty. Yeah, good from you.

Yeah, but I've parked it outside the building, so someone else has probably hired it already. Oh, I don't know. What is the deal with describing it as faulty? Does it make it harder to unlock for the next person? I don't know. Well, I gave it a one star. Reading that Wellington as well might be in line

for some lime scooters, which is great news. Although lots of hills. Yeah, like Central and stuff. Really good for around Central Wellington, but you wouldn't want to get into the hills. Like... It'd be good to take them down the hills.

But I don't know who's getting them up in the first place. Test the brakes before you take them down the hills. Definitely. Downhills you could use a standard scooter. No battery power required. And then you could ride a lime scooter back up the hill, then you've got your scooter to bring back down the hill. They're just so much fun.

Yeah, they are pretty good times. So much fun. Tempted to buy one myself, but I feel like as soon as I buy one, that's when they'll ban them. Or that's when the novelty will run out. They can't ban them. Not if you've got one. Oh, they'll make you wear helmets, but that's fine.'ll ban them. Or that's when the novelty will run out. They can't ban them. Not if you've got one. Oh, they'll make you wear helmets,

but that's fine. I don't have a problem with that. They're not going to ban private ownership of them. No, but they'll ban you being able to ride them on the streets and stuff. And then what's the point of having one?

Oh, you'll be able to get, well, you come to work in the morning, no one's pulling you over. And then on the way home, there's too many people, the police aren't going to chase you. I don't think that's how it works. Police are like, oh, there's too many people the police aren't going to chase you. I don't think that's how it works.

Police are like oh there's too many people I'm not going to chase. If I was a cop and I was on the motorway and a motorbike went past and I was stuck on traffic

I'd be like oh nah. It's too much hard work. I'm going to get in trouble here. But what about your quota? I'd go to a quiet road and get a quota. One of those roads that's quiet and people get a bit carried away with their speed.

You'd be the worst policeman ever. Well, no, you'd get in trouble. They give chase to a guy on a motorbike and then he wraps himself around a power pole and it's their fault for chasing him. It's like, no, he was the one going fast in the first place. He's a dickhead. True, true. All right, story time next.

How many sleeps till Friday jams? Is it five? Tuesday to Wednesday Wednesday to Thursday Thursday to Friday No, you just said the night Oh, you just said the night Tuesday night, Wednesday night

Thursday night, Friday night Saturday night, five I want to be thorough in my counting Five Sleeps Till Friday jams live Get your tickets Alright, you lot Listen up

It's story time. All right, story time. I've got three news headlines that I've found. I'm going to read them out. Vaughan and Megan pick one headline only. The others, deleted. We don't find out about those stories. That's just how it works.

Okay. Headline one, 18-year-old makes history. Headline two, woman suing ex-boyfriend. And headline two, boy gets third Guinness World Record. That's headline three. Headline three. Oh, sorry. What did he call it?

Headline two. Headline two A. Headline two A. Point one, boy gets third Guinness World Record. Oh. So there you go. Oh, I'm on my toe. What do you want?

I don't know. I had to explain world records to my kids the other day. Oh, yeah? They heard it somewhere. It might have been on TV. And I said, oh, yeah, world records. There's world records for things like the fastest runner. And they were like, oh, okay.

And then there's world records for a person who can crack the most walnuts with their forehead in 60 seconds. That's the one I thought of too. And they looked at me and they were like, why? I said, very good question. Exactly. Why does anybody do any of them? I don't know. I don't.

To say you're the only one in the world that can do it. Yeah. You're the best at it. To say you're the best at something. I feel you've got to have a world record for like 10 or 20 years to actually feel proud. Because most of the time it's something obscure, isn't it? Yeah. It's pretty much you invent one. Yeah.

You become, you know, the baseline for it. And then someone automatically steps up and they're like, I can do that better than them. And then you lose it. So. Yeah. It's a bit stink. Okay. Well, which story do you want? I've forgotten what headline. So. Yeah. It's a bit stink. Okay. Well, which story do you want?

I've forgotten what headline one was. 18 year old makes history. Woman suing ex-boyfriend. Boy gets third Guinness World Record. Two. What do you want?

Three. Kind of came for three. Kind of came to see what this boy's done. To be honest, maybe we should go three then because two is a little bit full on. What was two's done. To be honest, maybe we should go three then because two is a little bit full on. What was two's headline?

Woman suing ex-boyfriend. Oh, yeah. No, okay. Well, you don't know why, though. Yeah, but you just said it's full on. Well, it's just difficult to talk about it on the radio. She's suing him. She's suing him because his penis.

Oh, I've just googled it. I've just googled it. Was it too big? Was it too big? It's a stretch to her situation. Right, so now she's struggling to find someone to Holy moly. Yeah. Really? Cool. Three. I'm happy. Okay. Okay. Story number

three. Does she have to publicly put her name to that? Well, his name's been publicly put out there, but then that's not a bad thing to be. You'd be able to find him on Facebook and go through his profile pictures and find her and then find who she is and then be like... Maybe, yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Loose goose. A Chinese teenager who holds two Guinness World Records broke two more by solving Rubik's Cubes. Now, the Chinese teenager was observed by a Guinness adjudicator when he solved three Rubik's Cubes at once. But you didn't even have fingers to do that.

In one minute. I've seen people do one-handed ones, but I don't know how he did three. It took him one minute, 36.39 seconds to do all three Rubik's Cube, one in each hand, and one with his feet. Oh, there it is. That's right. You can't even do one Rubik's Cube with your hands. No.

He can do three. Does he do them simultaneously, or does he do one in one hand, one in the other, and then the feet? Because how are you even concentrating on all three at once? I know, madness, eh? He then suspended himself from a bar and broke the record for fastest time to solve a Rubik's Cube upside down, finishing with a time of 15.84 seconds. 15 seconds? Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. What drastically because this isn't the quickest time right way up. It's nine seconds now, isn't it? To solve a Rubik's Cube from a randomly shuffled one. I think so. Why does it take six seconds longer? Upside down. Blood's rushing to your head. Yeah, I guess so. And maybe

you're upside down. I don't know. Anyway, he broke the previous upside down record of one point by 1.6 seconds. Cool. No, that's pretty remarkable. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.

But I'm still, what was the third one? Right way up with three. Upside down with one. He holds, he previously holds two records. So one of them he beat his own record and the other one's the new one. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay.

But yeah, pretty impressive. How old did you say he was? Well, it just says a Chinese teenager. But like looking at this, he doesn't look very old, does he? Oh no, he's probably chinese teenager but like looking at this he doesn't look very old does he no oh no he's probably like 13. well he could be he could be like mid-30s oh yeah asian anti-asian anti-aging genes 13 and solving rubik's cubes and you know yeah well actually he probably is like 12 because he hasn't obviously learned to play with himself yet.

So once that comes into your life, you haven't got a lot of time for anything else. You've got your hands full. You're disgusting. And apparently the home is feet full as well. Okay. Well, if he's that versatile. We'll move on, we'll move on. You wouldn't if you could.

Don't bullshit me. The strobly, strobly, strobly needler has been found. And we mentioned yesterday it was a 50-year-old woman. We were like, what is a 50-year-old woman doing putting needles in strawberries? Well, I had the answer. Food terrorist. Yeah. So this woman worked as a labour hire boss.

Right. So hired people to go and pick at Berry Farms. Right. So there was beef with a specific Australian, it was Queensland Berrylicious slash Berry Obsession Farm. Right. What did they have, an outstanding invoice, and she was chasing them for an invoice.

She wanted to bring them down. I don't think she liked the way they were treating people. I'll take these assholes at a pick of two by putting pins in and actually hurting customers. So she apparently was telling people she wanted to bring them down and put them out of business. Oh okay.

But that's not what she told investigators. But this carries a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison. She's going to get the absolute full term. They're going to make an example out of her. Because there was copycats as well. So she wasn't responsible for all of the needles.

Because there were copycats in New Zealand, weren't there? Yeah. So she's been charged with seven counts of contamination of goods. Was that how many needles were found? So is she just being charged with seven counts of contamination of goods. Was that how many needles were found? In Australia? I feel there were more because people started putting them in bananas. In different states too.

I feel like that was probably just the Queensland ones. I remember at the time they were kind of like looking at the Berry Farm or the farmers to see if there were like any drug beef, drug gang kind of beefs or any kind of, who would want to, you know, wrong. Maybe the raspberry gang up against the strawberry gang. You know, into Berry Warfare. Blueberry

sitting over the side. Then you had the stone fruit gangs come in. Just because you know, why not? So yeah, like seven contamination of goods. That's a three year maximum penalty. And then in addition, a circumstance of aggravation, which can take the maximum jail time up to 10 years. So she's due to appear in court on Monday.

What would she think? Did she have no idea this would go like Australasian-wide? Maybe that they wouldn't find her? So apparently they found her. They tracked her down in the end by using DNA trace evidence on the first needle. Wow. Crazy A. Wow. They used DNA.

And what they just, everyone they suspected, they just tested. Or was she already in the system? Yeah, I don't know. Because you need to have someone's DNA, right? Yeah. Yeah, they get a bit of DNA off. They're like, right, we've got a DNA. What does it match? A strawberry. Damn it! The wrong bit of DNA off. They're like, right, we've got a DNA. What does it match? A strawberry.

Damn it! The wrong bit of DNA. Had she used it to, like, get a prickle out? Because that's mostly what needles in our house get used for, is getting a prickle out. But then that would leave cells on the end of the needle, wouldn't it? Yeah, it would. Just picking one up, would you leave your DNA on that? Yeah, sure.

It's crazy, isn't it? Wow. Also, if you're going to do that, you probably don't want to tell everyone around you that you want to bring them down. And if you want to take a place down, wouldn't you just kind of expose them? Because what was the issue with them? That they weren't respecting workers or

whatever. Go to the media or something. Yeah, tell people that. Start in the rumour mill about how terrible they look after their staff. Don't bring down and hurt innocent people kind of thing. Yeah, tell people that. Start in the rumor mill about how terrible they look after their staff. Yeah. That would be better. Don't bring down and hurt innocent people kind of thing. Yeah. And the entire strawberry industry.

Because remember those truckloads of strawberries that were just getting dumped? That was sad. That was so much jam right there. I know. So much potential for delicious strawberry jam. All right. The top six is next on the show. Well, it's more fruit chat.

Of course it is. More fruit chat. Apparently there's been an apple invented. Yeah chat. Okay. Of course it is. It's more fruit chat. Apparently there's been an apple invented. Yeah. I don't know if this is, I mean, this is genetic modification. Genetic modification

is as simple as grafting one apple with another sort of thing. This apple has been invented that won't brown and go soft. Oh, okay. I mean, I wouldn't eat it

because I don't trust anything that doesn't rot. Will it go flowery? No, that's the thing it won't do. It won't go soft. That's the absolute worst. It won't go soft and flowery. Well, you know, especially those ones that look all good and then you bite it and it's like...

You can just leave a towel. It just deflates. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. What was that concern that you look at your phone for? No, I put it right up to my face so it would unlock it. Oh, you did a face unlock. It looked like you were like a parent that was confused. And you're like, what's this mean?

What's this civil defence emergency mean? Do I have to get to higher ground now, do I? No, because I can't look at my notifications unless my face unlocks them. Oh, right, okay. So you can't read my messages. No, no, I'm familiar with that. Unless I know your PIN code. Yeah, okay.

Do you? Does she? So news, science news, and also food news, that an apple has been genetically modified. I don't think we need to be as scared of that term as some people are. Well, all the apples we... Everything's genetically modified. All the apples we eat are genetically modified. I don't think we need to be as scared of that term as some people are. Well, all the apples we... Everything's genetically modified.

All the apples we eat are genetically modified. You're genetically modified. Genetic modification brought us those low-tatos, those low-carb potatoes. And they're pretty legit. They taste real good. I'm down for it. But we're all genetically modified. Yeah.

Like, I'm genetically modified to be bald and have a hairy butt. But that's just like, it was random, but it was a modification genetically. I know. You'd think so. But I'm glad that it kind of proves that throughout history, men with hairy arses have had love. Yeah, and baldness is just solar panel for a sex machine. It's good stuff.

Oh, my God. That's good stuff. That is a mud joke. I think someone Oh my God. That's good stuff. That is a mug. Such a dad joke. That was, I think someone gave my dad that mug once. Yeah.

It's in a board spot. It's a solar panel for a sex machine. And I was like, that's pretty good because that was like the 90s and solar power wasn't well known then.

Yeah, no, it was a... It was a very technologically advanced joke. So this apple won't brown or go flowery, apparently. Oh, dream. But I don't know what happens to it then. How does it rot?

Does it just go straight from crisp to like buggered in the blink of an eye? Because that's when an apple goes flowery, eh? Yeah, when it's starting to die, yeah. Does it still, if you dropped it, would it still bruise? Oh, you'd imagine so. Yeah, right. That's a bit of a different. But you know like some apples that you eat will probably pick like months and months and months and months. but it's still brews? Oh, you'd imagine so. Yeah, right. That's a bit of a different...

But you know, like, some apples that you eat were probably picked, like, months and months and months and months, almost a year ago. Oh, yeah, they stay in, like, cool stores and stuff. Have you ever had an apple straight off a tree? Is that, like, sour? They, like, tang you. You bite and you're like...

Yeah, oh. That's an apple! That's what that tastes like! Take me back to the supermarket! So, with apples that weren't brown, because that's the thing, if you've ever had kids, they take a bite and then they just walk away from an apple and it goes brown. And then they don't want to eat it.

The top six other produce modifications that we've been needing in 2018. Number six, blueberries that don't stain your hands. Yes. You pick up the frozen blueberries and your hands just, it looks like you've been out squashing Smurfs. Or you've stolen one of those dye tags of a pair of jeans. I'm reluctant to say what I learned about those dye tags.

I learned of a way around them. Oh no, don't. But I don't want to say it because then people will be like, you're telling people how to steal. Yeah, don't say that. Tell us off here. I will. It's interesting. Yeah, it's really interesting. it because then people will be like, you're telling people how to steal. Yeah, don't say it. Tell us off, yeah. I will. It's interesting. Yeah, it's really interesting. I saw it and I was like, how am I supposed to do it? I want to break one open and squish it on me, though.

Why? One, just because. What's wrong with you? Like rub it on your body? No, just break one. Because you're not meant to, so don't tell me what I can't do. I'll break it off if I want. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That'd be fun to play with. Number five on the list of the top six other produce modifications that we need are potatoes that don't sprout in the cupboard because they're a little bit creepy. You go back in there and it looks like the potatoes had sex with an alien. Some kind of Stranger Things thing happening in your cupboard. Onions, too. You're worth a mention.

Yeah. If one of them falls behind something, next time you find it, he's trying to grow. It's like, no, you've been destined for eating, not reproducing. Number four on the list of the top six other produce modifications we need. There needs to be some genetic modifications so that the grapes at the bottom of the bag of grapes

don't just end up like smushed. Yeah. They need to be a stronger grape. To support the weight. Yeah, of the other grapes. Because you always get to the bottom, you put your finger straight through one. Oh, yeah. Yeah, of the other grapes. Because you always get to the bottom, you put your finger straight through one. Oh, yeah.

And then it's like... Number three on the list of the top six other produce modifications we need. Bananas that don't have their pull tab snap off. You know when you're trying to pull one banana off the bunch of bananas and the pull tab comes off. Yeah. But have you seen people that peel it from the other end? That's how monkeys do it. That's how you should do it.

You squeeze it at the non-stalked end. The knob bit. You squeeze it and it opens itself. It's way easier to do. Is it? Yeah, for kids because they struggle to snap it without just snatching the top of the banana. You give it a squeeze at that end and it'll peel straight open. Number two on the list of the top six other produce modifications we need in 2018 are

cucumbers that just don't turn into a puddle of green brown water when you leave them alone for a day. Oh, and then you don't want to touch it. Yeah. And then the green brown

water goes milky. I know, and then you've got to pick it up and work out how to balance it to get it to the bin or the compost bin. And then you just

keep putting stuff in the vegetable drawer to cover it up. Yeah. And one day you'll clean it. Well, you've pretty much got a compost bin there. Yeah.

Celery's in the bottom too. That was never getting in. I don't know why we needed a whole bunch. Why would we buy a whole compost bin there. Yeah. Salary's in the bottom too. That was never getting in. I don't know why we needed a whole bunch. Why would we buy a whole bunch of celery? Even half a bunch was excessive. I'm going to dip it in peanut butter. Shut up. You're not going to dip it in peanut butter.

Let's be honest. That's only been purchased to go floppy in the bottom. How many people's vegetable drawers are just them at the weekend or a Sunday saying, I'm going to eat healthy this week. And then they fill it up. Carrots and celery. And then it stays there for two weeks. I'm going to get a bag of kale.

And then the bag of kale just turns into this like green jelly. And the number one produce modification we need in 2018, broccoli that doesn't go floppy. And yellow. The flowery bits go yellow. Yeah, it starts to go a little bit yellow, but you pick up a broccoli and it just flops, and you're like, how long have you been in there?

How long have you been in there? Yeah, you're flopping like that. You've been in a crisper. You're not longer. You're not crisp at all. That is today's Sock Sucks. Money doesn't buy you happiness. I mean, it can buy you a good time,

but long-lasting happiness, it can't buy you. Apparently, Jane Park, she is Scotland's youngest ever national lottery winner. So she won $1 million, which equates to $1.9 million New Zealand dollars. You'd be happy with that? Yeah. And, I mean, she is superficially happy. She's bought cars.

I'd be like, why wasn't it two? I know you hear of those people who win 30. You're like, I get one. Boo. So she's bought cars. She's bought handbags. She's bought new teeth, new boobs. And she still hasn't managed to find love.

Okay. So she said she's had a string of failed relationships. So she's trying something new. She is going, or she has said she is willing to pay her new boyfriend 60,000 pounds just like 115,000 New Zealand dollars a year to date her.

So she the reason is because she's had relationships and she's never quite sure if they want to date her for her money or whether they're in it

for love. So she's like let's just get the deal straight out there and I'll say that I'll pay you. I'll give you an allowance. So then at least it's all honest get the deal straight out there and I'll say that I'll pay you. I'll give you an allowance. So then at least it's all honest from the get-go. But then you're going to attract the wrong sort

of person. Yeah, then you're just a job, isn't it? And also like a million dollars, okay, it's a lot of money, a million pounds, but if you're giving away... 60,000 pounds a year. And you're getting boob jobs and new teeth and you've got new cars. Yeah. This money's going to go pretty fast.

It's not going to last. No. Yeah. But also, this is being filmed. So she's going to make money off like a little docu-series. Right. On her trying to find love. She'll make money off that.

So maybe you can just pay the boyfriend straight away from that money. No, me dead. I don't know. No one's ever going to find love by paying a boyfriend a salary, are they? No. Because if you have an argument, they're just going to make up because they get paid. It's never going to be real love. I don't know if you would make up.

No, you wouldn't have to. It would be like being angry at the boss. Yeah. Just go to the other staff and be like, God, the boss is an asshole. And the dog's just looking at you like, I'm not paid enough. To be honest with you, your pay grade's above my pay grade.

I'm fed. That's about it. Fletchbourne and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening on local Facebook pages around the country. This one's popped up. This is Kerry's posted on show where we have a look at what's happening on local Facebook pages around the country. This one's popped up.

This is Kerry's posted on Grandma's Goats Milk Soaps and More page. What a page. I am making soaps primarily from goat's milk by the looks of things. Kerry wants to gauge the interest in a new product she's thinking of developing, a soap product. It's a square soap with a hole in the middle. She says, thinking about making these, just seeing if there's any interest before I do. These will be made with goat's milk.

And then she's attached. I imagine she found this elsewhere on the internet. It's called a willy washer. And there's even a little poem. How big's the hole? Okay. Well, it's big enough to put your willy through. It's got to be obviously...

No, he sounds concerned his won't fit. No, I was just like, how big do you make the hole? Like, how big would you make the hole? Really? I don't know. I mean, trial and error, right? This is why I asked. Because it's all different, isn't it?

Well, you can start with a small hole. You can start with a small hole because you can make a small hole bigger, but you can't make a big hole smaller. That's true. She's attached to the poem. Willy washer. A daily willy washer that surely is a treat. It's not to wash your hands or face.

It's not to wash your feet. It's only for your willy. Poke it in and give a scrub. Make sure you only wash it, though. Be careful as you rub. It's only meant to clean it, not it in and give a scrub. Make sure you only wash it, though. Be careful as you rub. It's only meant to clean it, not meant to give you a good time. It's just so each and every day your willy's looking fine. And I can tell you what.

The people have spoken, and they are keen. I bet they are. They are keen. What a great Christmas gift. For Kerry to get some willy washes. What a great Christmas gift. Imagine that. Yeah, for people in your life with a dirty penis

that you don't quite know how to tell them that they need to up their game in their genital hygiene. Yeah. This one has been posted on the Money a Toto buy, sell and swap page. The name's been blanked out. That is by the person who sent this in. I've given this person some anonymity. Has anyone got a big rock on their farm

that would be suitable for a headstone? That's one way to save money on a headstone. Find a suitable stone and then, I don't know, have it laser engraved and have it engraved on site. Or just like put a sticker on it.

Oh, that's a good one. Like a plaque. A label maker. Get some liquid nails. That's not going to last long. No, true. Get a caulking gun and some liquid nails

on there. A plaque. Put a plaque on. That's a great idea. I wouldn't be opposed to like a BYO headstone for me. Find a rock. Just scribble on it. It's so expensive.

Do you know how expensive they are? If you want a photo and stuff, get some river rocks and ant them up. Are you talking like make a sort of a stack? Yeah. That would be lovely. I don't know what counts. Fletch is here. Arrow down.

Bang. Yep. Whack on a bit of wood. I'll be happy. Bang it in the ground. No, just spread me somewhere. Save the environment. Save your money.

I'm the same. I'm dead. I really don't care. Just chuck me in the recycling bin. You're going to say the river. Put me in the recycling bin, but then put milk bottles and stuff on top of me so they don't know I'm not recycling. They chuck me in the recycling bin and it's like,

doom. The boof. They're like, oof. What was that? You get to the recycling centre, some chap's there sawing it out.

Whoop, hold it, dead bodies go in, boss. Huh? There's a dead body over here. Stop looking

bad about it. We better have a look into this. Oh, he wasn't lying. It is a dead body. It's a man. That's okay.

From the Oxford Chat in New Zealand page, Zach posts, and I feel it might be a Facebook hack, but posts, who's keen for a cuddle in Oxford tonight? Oh, me. Which is a little bit cute, right? You could just need a little cuddle. Yeah. I mean, we all do need a little cuddle.

Yeah. And finally, from the Mount Maungarui Notice Board, Ches says, witness some very distressing behaviour. About 10 of the ducks we have swimming around Papamoa attacked one duck in flight, which then fell out of the sky onto my deck. It was startled and lay for a few seconds, but then took off again when my daughter got to it.

The rest immediately attacked it again. Can anyone explain this aggressive duck bullying? It's very upsetting to witness. I've never heard of duck bullying. I didn't know there was... I mean, that makes sense because there's like a pecking order, right? That's when chickens... Yeah.

They establish a hierarchy... That's chickens through pecking. Doesn't that sound like they're mating? Not in mid-air. Oh, in mid-air. That's a surefire way to eliminate a species if you want to make love in the most dangerous way possible. Those are today's community notices.

If you see anything, including animal bullying behaviour in your local area and it gets reported on Facebook, screen cap it and send it to us. We're FVMZM on Facebook. FVM. Yesterday, on the show, Christmas penetration reached 100%. Now, the indicator of when it reaches 100% seems to coincide nicely with the erection of the Queen Street Santa in Auckland. Yep.

A real sign that it's Christmas season. It's undeniably Christmas season. And we started reporting in July of early Christmas penetration. Early sightings of Christmas. Christmas sneaking in. It's undeniable. The odd item of Christmas confectionery. And then it escalates to the point where yesterday it reached 100%.

Now, at the time, we said it reached 100%. And then Fletch is like, all right, on with the show and moved swiftly on. Of course, it's what we do. But we'd established a tradition prior last year. Let me take you back to, I believe it was November 7th last year when Christmas penetration hit 100%. So a little bit earlier than this year. Okay.

Oh, yes! Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 100%, baby! 100%! We're going to Valley Chocolate Save Christmas! Well, that means that if it's 100%, we need to play a Christmas song, don't we? It's 100%.

I don't like Christmas songs. I know, but it's 100%. You just said that Christmas is happening, so we need to play a Christmas, the Christmas song. Oh, my. Are you going to play the whole thing? We're not going to play. Yes, we are.

Yes, we are. Oh, I just got two dogs. Somebody take this box of scorched almonds away from Dad. He is on his fifth. Turn it up. No. So that happened last year. No, no, no.

And we established that as a... No. And then yesterday... It's not a thing. I said when we went into the ads after the Christmas penetration, I said, when were we supposed to play the Christmas song? Mariah Carey's... There's no time.

There was no time. And you were just like, no, no, poo-pooed it, no. Well, the people spoke. We got a couple of messages from people saying, now, correct me if I'm wrong, they consider themselves show historians. There wasn't a tradition established when Christmas penetration hits 100%

that we celebrate the oncoming Christmas onslaught by playing Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You. And perhaps the first radio station to do so for the season. A season opener, if you will. It's tradition, Fletch. It's only the 13th of November. What do you mean only? It's not that far away from Christmas.

Six weeks today, right? But I don't like Christmas songs. Yeah, but it's not all about you. It's to show off the people. Yeah. And I mean, people are quite fond of Christmas. They celebrate it every year. Yeah, because they're getting free stuff.

It keeps coming back. It's a festive season. It's about giving and loving and being with friends. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, do you not get tingles either? Not from this, no. Yuck.

What gives you tingles? Should we talk about that? No, we'll play Mariah Carey next. Oh, wow. Okay, that's how bad his tingle story is. He'd rather hear this song. All right, so because it's 100% Christmas penetration, here it is.

And now that it's happened twice, it's definitely a tradition. All right, ZM. Make my wish come true All I want for Christmas Is you I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need And I don't care about the presents

Underneath the Christmas tree I don't need to end my stopping there upon the fireplace Santa Claus won't make me happy with the toys on Christmas day I just want you for my own more than you could ever know Make my wish come true Baby, all I want for Christmas is you You, baby All I want for Christmas is you, baby All I Want for Christmas. Is it Mariah Care It's Mariah Carey, All I Want for Christmas.

Is it Mariah Carey or Mariah Carey? Carey. Well, either way. Is it an accent thing? Personally, we're not a shopping mall and I think it's too soon. But I'm alone, I think. A lot of people love that. Yeah, and generally.

1994, that song came out. It's back in the top 100, by the way. Oh, it's absolutely... It comes in every Christmas. If she hadn't done that song, I don't think she'd be carrying on the way she does. She wouldn't have the diva power just from like her... Don't get me wrong, she's had some bangers.

Yeah. But I don't think any of them quite measure up to that one, right? No. She wouldn't be able to carry on the way she does if she didn't have that song on the top 100 every year. Today is the 13th of November. It's my eighth wedding anniversary. Oh, come on.

I know, eight years ago today. Oh, well, she deserves the applause. It was for her. It was for her. I take it on my own. Come on, you shoddy. People clapped for you today. What's that?

Eight years ago, your wedding? Nuts, eh? Crazy. Wow. Where has that time gone? A clapped for you today. What's that? Eight years ago, your wedding. Nuts, eh? Crazy. Wow. Where has that time gone? A day a lot like today. Overcast. Great for wedding photos.

Yeah, it's good for the light. That's what they say. I was like, oh, it's a shame it's not sunnier. Oh, no, this is the day you want. You want a day like this. People always say that on the wedding. You want a day like this. Great for the photos.

Great for the photos. So I thought on, that it's my eighth wedding anniversary, I might give eight tips. Oh, okay. To eight years of happy marriage. I say happy. I'm happy. Yeah.

That's all that matters. I feel like we should ask Sade rather than you. I'm like a dumb golden retriever though. Feed me and scratch my belly, I'll be happy. Like I don't need much. Yeah. Bit of attention and some food and I'm like a dumb golden retriever though. Feed me and scratch my belly, I'll be happy. Like I don't need much. Yeah. Bit of attention and some food and I'm very easily pleased.

A lot of attention. Yeah. Okay. So eight tips. Okay. And this could work either way, but this is what's worked for me. Okay.

Number one, have emergency ice cream on hand at all times. Just like a civil defense kit. Is that for you or for Charlotte? For everybody, but for her specifically. It might be like a treat of theirs, but the thing is you've got to hide it. Like I've got emergency ice cream in the house at all times,

but I can guarantee she doesn't know that it's there. Where do you hide it? There's some in the freezer outside. Because she doesn't go in the garage because of the spiders. Well, she just doesn't go. If she needs something out of the freezer in the garage, she asks me. She's like, can you get some sausages out of the freezer in the garage because of the spiders. Well, she just doesn't go. If she needs something out of the freezer in the garage, she asks me. She's like, can you get some sausages out of the freezer in the garage?

I'll be like, yep. And so it's out there. I've got emergency ice cream in there. But I've also got a secondary emergency ice cream inside. Right. Hidden under some frozen carrots. Okay. And they've been in there for a very long time.

But that's how I know it's a good place to hide it. Because she's obviously not looking under the frozen carrot. So emergency ice cream on hand last night. Pulled out the emergency ice cream. Good tip. What was the emergency? She just felt like ice cream. Oh, okay. I don't want to find out what happens if you don't have it on hand.

That's madness. It's like my brother-in-law. He keeps emergency trail mix in the glove box because his wife gets like mental angry. And so she's like getting stressed out in traffic and he just pops open the glove box because his wife gets like mental angry. And so she's like getting stressed out in traffic and he just pops open the glove box. And she's like, get a bit of snack. Like, you're not camping.

No, because you give them something too unhealthy when they're hangry and they're like, you're trying to make me fat. Oh, yeah, true. It's semi, there's bits of chocolate they want to eat it, but they can eat around it. It's a great, it was great. Very well thought out.

Number two on the list of eight tips to happy marriage, for me anyway, if you find the bed unmade, make it. Super easy points in making the bed. Do you know, I got home yesterday and the bed was made. I was like, what? That is so amazing. I know. Simple.

You're amazing. Do you know that? I know. I got so much praise just for making the bed. Other simple things you can do that are really easy, but get you like great brownie points, put the washing on and then like hang it out. Madness.

And if there's like a basket of washing, you just fold it. Yeah. I would say folding washing has led to more action for me in the last eight years than anything else. They always say that, is that's the way to get some action, is to do some chores.

Some basic household chores. Because you're taking something away from, well, I guess if the person in your household's doing that. Yeah. Take the chores away from the person who's doing the chores. Yeah. Oh, it's good times. And if you always fold the washing,

leave it and see if they do it. And if you always fold the washing, leave it and see if they do it. And then be angry at them if they don't. That's also how that works in my house. Number three on the list of eight tips

to make eight years of happy marriage. Have emergency rosé on a hand at all times. Like the ice cream. Like the ice cream except it's more

for the alcohol. Can you put the ice cream in the rosé? Rosé spider. Oh, I don't know. Like a rosé. Yeah, maybe. Or just their booze drink of choice. Maybe your loved one needs an emergency bourbon. I'm not here

to judge. Number four on the list. Again, I'm learning these as we go. I still occasionally make mistakes, but eight tips to eight years of happy marriage. Have a look before you ask. This drives Sade nuts. I'm like, do we have any milk? I haven't even opened the fridge.

But I'm by the fridge. But rather than open, I'm like, do we have any milk? I don't know, look in the fridge. Yeah, but before I do, do you know if we have any? We had a can opener debacle last night. Where's the can opener? It's in the drawer. It's not in the drawer.

It's definitely not in the drawer. I pull it open. It's right in the front of the drawer. But did he have a debacle last night. Where's the can opener? It's in the drawer. It's not in the drawer. It's definitely not in the drawer. I pull it open, it's right in the front of the drawer. But did he have a look first? Yeah. That's just blindness though. I get that as well. I'll be like, I can't find that. But at least I've looked.

It camouflages itself with other utensils. It's like a chameleon. And then the more you panic that you can't find it, the more it blinds you. Yeah, yeah. You're blind to it. Number five on eight tips for eight years of happy marriage, for me anyway, watch their awful TV choices without complaining.

It's really great. Like, if you can struggle through an episode of Kardashians or Love Island without being like, man, this is stupid, or who's that? What do they do? What do they do? Who's that person? What's happening here? Or picking up your phone or yawning.

But you're just on your phone, aren't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. A bit like out of sight. I like this one. That's what I say every day. But then also if it's Kardashians, pick your favourite.

Like don't pick Kendall as your favourite. Okay. Don't pick. That's great advice. Don't pick Kendall as your favourite. You're so typical.

That's so typical. Pick the supermodel. I learned that one. Oh, she's my favourite. Why? Oh, shit. I don't know typical. Pick the supermodel. I learned that one. Oh, she's my favorite. Why? Oh, shit. I don't know. She's a supermodel?

She's got a great personality? Because of her now father's braveness? What's the right answer? Number six on the list of eight things for eight years of happy marriage. what's the right answer number six on the list of eight things for eight years of happy marriage

do things but don't lord it over them yeah that's because you do something like clean the oven but then if you bring it up every 15 minutes about the time

you clean the oven it's soon you soon lose the and that kind of works well with the ones before about making the bed don't then walk downstairs and be like

well someone just made the bed don't do that. I still do that every now and then, but it's only when I'm in the mood for it. An argument. Number seven on the list of eight tips for eight years of happy marriage.

Take time to be silly. Cute. Making your partner laugh is still one of the greatest. When Sade laughs uncontrollably, it's still one of the best. It's often the highlight of my day. Just seeing her laugh.

So take time to be silly. Oh, that was really sweet. And number eight, don't just say, what shall we have for dinner? I've learned this. Give them two options. Oh, I thought you were going to say make dinner. Oh, yeah. And then make dinner.

But then if they say, I don't really feel like either of those, you can go. It's up to you then. I'll eat whatever. Because like a golden retriever I will eat whatever And even though she's probably not listening She might listen to this on the podcast I just want to say happy wedding anniversary I love you very much

That was really cute Happy any guys FBM Today in NCEA Good morning, Miss Good morning, Miss Good morning, class Don't make me yell today

I have a sore throat How was your night, Miss? Oh, yuck, get out then, Miss Miss, you shouldn't be dragging your germs into this classroom We're basically a Okay, moving on A petri dish Today in NCEA

Level 1 French Okay, moving on. A petri dish. Today in NCEA, level one French. What is this French word in English? Joyeux Noël. Christmas night. Vaughan, Aunt Vaughan. Again, please use your name as your buzzer. Aunt Vaughan, Christmas night. Incorrect.

I love Christmas. Incorrect. Joyeux Noël. What? Joyeux Noël. Something night. Incorrect. I love Christmas. Incorrect. Joyeux Noël. What? Joyeux Noël. Something night. Something new. What's Noël?

No, I thought Noël was Christmas. It is Christmas. Happy Christmas. Merry Christmas. You did. Megan. You said it is Christmas. You can't give her the answer.

You were taking too long. How good would it be if at exams you could provide like a group answer? Like everyone started shouting until you were happy with her. Okay, Megan got that one. No, nobody gets it. No, because I knew it was Christmas. I said, Noel's Christmas. Well, come on.

Okay, I'll decide at the end. Okay, second question. Level three, calculus. Oh, boo at the end. Okay, second question. Level three, calculus. Oh, boo. Question. Are you concentrating? Yeah. A corridor is two metres wide.

At the end, it turns 90 degrees into another corridor. What is the minimum width of the second corridor and if a ladder the length of five metres can be carried horizontally around the corner? I don't know. Wait, I've got a folding ladder. One of those ones that can go on steps and stuff. No, it needs to be a five metre straight ladder.

I'm just waiting to warn answers. I know. He wanted a real, this is straight from 2015, the NCEA. This is level three calculus. I feel like if I had time, I could sit down and work that out. I need to know. I sit down and work that out. I need to know. I don't know. Two metres.

No. I don't know. It's a bit of Pythagoras there because you're going to have to make like a right angle triangle to the end of that corridor. Is that half of two metres? Hold on. Two. A metre.

Two squared. Two squared. It goes four squared. Don't even pretend you know what you're doing. Megan. 1.5 doing. Megan. 1.5 metres. Megan saw the answer.

I just wanted it over. It's 1.55 metres. Okay. Oh, I didn't even get it right and I said the answer. Damn it. Okay, and our last question. Scholarship, media studies. Please welcome our special guest.

We have a special guest? We have a special guest today. Oh my god! CEO Bogsy. The CEO's here. Good morning. Scholarship Media Studies. Oh, if we don't get this right, we're kind of doing media studies as a job. Do we have to

provide a written answer? I did hear Vaughan say earlier that he hadn't been trained enough to be CEO, so this is his chance, okay? I'm ready. Should I write at the top my application for CEO? It'll become very evident soon why you've got to write the answers for this one, okay? And so what I'm looking for, in 2018,

what are the five most unacceptable words in broadcasting? Boltsy, I can't write some of these words. Fletch is straight into it. There's one word I don't even feel comfortable writing down. Some of them I'm very sweet with. The C word, I'm very cool with the C word. Oh, I've got three. Did you say five?

Five. Five. Now, there is a little safety hint to this one. So while I said five words, only two of them are one word. One sort of could be one word or two words. It's a bit of a double banger. One could have a hyphen between words. One is two words and another's three words.

Three words? Oh, I know, I know. Megan. Well, Megan, don't buzz because you're not saying them out loud We don't need to buzz We will take your answers No it's going to show Bogsy Oh that is very good

Okay I've got my five Okay show Bogsy I don't know if I can only think of three Oh my Fletch I've never seen those two words strung together like that. That last one's not right. That last one's not right.

You've got bullshit in that. That's a completely acceptable word. Don't say them, Boxy. So Fletch's first two. One of those is right of your one words. Okay. I can't believe I'm showing the CEO this foul language. Vaughn, do you have yours?

I'm just going to... Oh, I didn't even think of that one. Write one of them down. I asterisked it. Yeah, I did the first and last letter. Oh, I forgot about that word. Okay, show us, Vaughn. Oh, I don't even want to write this one down as well.

So you're going to have to fill in the blanks. I've left two blanks there. It's one word. So Vaughn has the first four right. Damn it. So he's doing pretty well there. That one's not. And that one's on the top five.

And Megan, you've got all five. You're the winner, Megan. Not any words. Not any words. That's my forte. So you write them all down in... Oh, no, that's good. Yeah, that's good.

She put an asterisk for that one. So, Bletch, given you've got the worst score, you're now promoted to be CEO. Oh, yay! How does that work? Brilliant. Brilliant. That's good. Yeah, that's good. She put an asterisk for that one. So, Blitch, given you've got the worst score, you're now promoted to be CEO. Oh, yay! How does that work? Brilliant. Brilliant.

But we can't even read out the correct answers on here. No. I don't even like writing some of those. You can probably Google them at home. Pogsy, thank you so much. See ya. There's a third one in there. The second C word, not the four-letter one. Yeah, but don't say it.

People find it offensive. Why? I don't know. They just don't. All right, spy is coming up. I like if your mother does it. It shouldn't be offensive. Okay, go on.

I don't want mum saying that. You don't want your mum doing that. Oh, no. Okay. Your mum would have been telling you. Shush. FVM, the podcast. Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin have been sharing cute pictures of each other.

And it's the picture on Justin Bieber's Instagram account that we want to talk about. He put up a picture of them smooching and captioned it, Honey Buns Punkin. Not pumpkin. Punkin. Punkin. Honey Buns Punkin. Blech.

So yeah, everyone's like, okay, this must be his nickname for her. This might be what he calls her, her pet name. Why are you saying ugh? I don't know. Honey Buns Punkin. Aren't you Twirly Squirly or something? You are Twirly Squirly. What are you?

No, he's Swirly. He's Swirly. Yeah. What are you? What are you then? I'm Meggie Booz sometimes. Strawberry sometimes because he's chocolate and I'm strawberry. No, because his whole family call him chocolate

because you know how his family are quite fair skinned. He's an anomaly. He's a tan anomaly. He's a year-round tan anomaly. And he's seen my face is shaped like a strawberry, which I don't know if that's actually that nice. Has there been a strawberry filter on Snapchat or Instagram? Yeah.

Yeah, I feel like there definitely has been. Is that a seamless transition? Literally, it just goes a bit redder and adds seeds. That's all that changes. Okay, well, fair call. Do you and Shara Shara gets sharts Yeah

Sharts Which has kind of stuck Hasn't it Yeah yeah it has Because initially She wasn't keen on that Not keen She loves it

She's still every now and then If we're somewhere public And they're like Sharts And people look It's People might think I'm like

Not quite all there And I've had an accident You've sharted I've sharted I've got a sharted. I've sharted. I've got a sharty. Sharty. Yeah, we've met people. But does she not have any sweet ones?

Nah. Not anymore. We used to have heaps, but they all just all fell by the wayside because shart's kind of covered. It's all encompassing. And it's weird when she calls you and you're like, hey, mate. And I'm like, who is that? And you're like, it's Sharty.

I'm like, oh. G'day, mate. Hey, pal. Hey and you're like, hey, mate. And I'm like, who is that? And you're like, it's Sade. Like, oh. G'day, mate. She's like, how are you? Yeah, good, mate. Oh, yeah, pal. Pal's a lot. Pal, mate. Lots of mates.

Yeah, because you do do that. I'll be like, who is that? You'll be like, Sade. Hey, mate. Yep, yep. Yeah. I don't know. I don't think it bothers her.

Right. Being called mate. Because I don't call many people mate. Oh, I get baby boos, too. Baby boos. Because I'm making boos. Baby boos. Being called mate. Because I don't call many people mate. Oh, I get baby booze too. Baby booze. Because I'm Maggie Booze. Baby booze. Baby booze.

Have you ever had a pet name? Strawberry. I'm deflecting. Vaughn's trying to rack his brain. Yeah, no, yeah. Well, it was

Lit Lit Spoo Spoo. Oh, Lit Lit Spoo Spoo. That was about when Fletch likes to be Little Spoon. No. Because you always claim that you're Big Spoon

but we got inside word that you're a lit, lit, lit spoon. Well, sometimes I'll change it up and be lit, lit spoon. That was a while ago. It's nice sometimes when you're like, especially if you're feeling a little insecure or a little sick or a little tired, it can be quite nice to be lit spoon. Go for a lit, lit spoon. But then it's good to be a big spoon because you can always roll away.

It's easier to roll away when you're big spoon. It is when you're little spoon. It's hard to be a big spoo because you can always roll away. It's easier to roll away when you're big spoo. Yeah. Than it is when you're little spoo. It's hard to get out of it. You're kind of in there. So off the back of Honey Buns Pumpkin, want to know what your pet name is or your pet name for your partner or have you had one in the past?

Yeah, this is either going to go. Maybe it's origin story. Yeah, this is either going to be super cute or we're going to need a little bucket to do our little vommies. No, it's always super cute. It is. All right, well, 0800DALESATM, give us a text 9696. What is the cute name that your partner has for you

or you have for your partner? Give us a call. We're talking about cute pet names you've got for your partner because Justin Bieber calls Hayley Baldwin honey buns pumpkin. So, Ben, you have a cute nickname for your wife. What is it? Well, it's not my choice, but she demands I call her Princess Sparkle Fairy.

And if you don't? Well, she just gets moody. So you're a man that knows your place. It happens every now and again, and then I think it's starting to die away, and then all of a sudden it comes back, and then it's all on you. She's like, you haven't called me Princess Sparkle Fairy

for too long. Ben, thanks for your call. Marie, what does your partner call you? What's his cute nickname for you? His cute nickname for me is Marie. Marie? It's like Marie with an accent marie with a kiwi accent yeah it's even called on my father called me murray too and he even named a truck

maria for me so i i don't think i can move it now did you react to it badly the first time he said it no i like i'd get it if i did but no he just all of a sudden started calling me mario i was like okay like from day two. So I should have spoken up if I didn't like it then. Damn, because if you react to a nickname, that's when it sticks. Yeah, that's when it sticks. Thanks for your call, Murray. Thanks, Murray.

Have a good one, mate. Some other text messages in about the cute nicknames you got for your partner. There's Tuna Bum. Tuna Bum? Because he was doing a high-protein diet and lots of tuna and had stinky farts, so Tuna Bum came from that. Oh, no. It's cute now if you say it in the right tone.

Somebody else said, my husband's name is Forest, so of course my nickname is Jenny. Oh, yep, okay. But that's not even a nickname, eh? That's just a name. Like Forest Gals. Yeah, I was just immediately thinking like a wood forest. I don't get that one.

Not quite sure I get that forest reference. Yeah, I was just immediately thinking like a wood forest. I don't get that one. Not quite sure I get that forest reference. Yeah, okay. And somebody, this is an interesting one. This isn't a couple's name. It's more of an exposure of a nickname. Okay. My parents always called my brother Horse. To this day, that's been his nickname.

And we always assumed it was because he could run really fast when he was a kid. Like he had a big stride on him, big gallop. We found out when he was in his 20s it was because when he was born they were both like, good God, that's a large appendage

for a child. And the doctor was even like, oh yeah, I was going to say something. Oh my God. So as a newborn baby, his penis was so big that even the doctor commented,

I was going to say something. Wow. And thus has been called horse ever since. God, imagine finding out you've been called your brother horse. Yeah. Right. Ah.

Just going to stop that now, if you don't mind. Yeah. That's it. FEM. Vaughn's moving house. Correct. And so he's in the process

of packing up everything, but he's a hoarder. Oh, absolute hoarder. I've known this for years. Yeah, and as someone who has parked in his garage before, thank you for that, just by the way. He lets me park in his garage sometimes when I go out. That's right.

It's hard because there's not a lot of room to park in Vaughan's garage. Like a tennis ball hanging down when you have to hit that. Do you still have hidden toys in the ceiling? Didn't you hide a whole lot of stuff in the ceiling? Yeah. But the good part is like I did that

before I had kids and when the kids were quite young is because then you can bring them out when the kids are a bit older and they love them and so they're like what heartless mother could make you get rid of a toy

that brings joy to your children? True. So Vaughan's been given the garage as the task because obviously it's quite a task to pack up for the new house. And he's not very good at throwing things away. So yesterday

I went to Vaughan's house, specifically the garage, to help out and have a peruse. I believe I count one, two skateboards. And I know for a fact that he nearly broke his ankle, so I think at least one of these needs to go.

Oh, look. There's a broom end. Two chainsaws. Excuse me, do we need two? Do we need two chainsaws? This one looks a bit shitter. Oh, my God. I think we should get rid of this one.

Oh, this is vintage. This is, um, yuck. This is what you call a Jaffa Lion. You're supposed to cook over a fire. Actually, will it even open? Oh, yeah. But would you want to eat something that's been made out of that? It's got to go. Let's put it on the pile. Junk. It's not pretend he's manly enough to use that.

What is even that? Come on. Okay, so I think we've made some progress here today. Probably time to get Vaughan back in. Vaughan, you can... You sure took your time. See if I found my collector's item. Bob a fat helmet. Also, just tell me what this is.

Ah, that's a ball cock. It goes in a trough, and then when the water's low, the valve opens and the water flows in, and then if it fills up, that floats, and it shuts it off. So troughs and stuff don't overflow. For all your troughs? I was using it for my rain collection system. Okay.

But yeah, for troughs. Okay, great. That can probably also go. And these gummies? Yeah, these are my Meatworks boots. Because you work at the Meatworks? Oh, no, look, they're steel cap. Very, very safe. Oh, these are my meatworks boots. Because you work at the meatworks? Oh no, look, they're steel-capped. Very, very safe. Oh my god. Steel-capped boots.

Anyway, I think you've had your fun and you've seen that everything in here is perfectly justifiable to keep. So you can see yourself out through that rapidly closing garage door and the energizer. Yeah, so Why do you have two chainsaws? Because if you're getting a job

done and one of them gets blunt, you want to switch to the backup chainsaw to get the job done, then you can sharpen them both at the end of it. One does look old. One definitely needs to go. Oh, the red one? Yeah. No, that's a grunty little number, that.

You know, it's... There's so many things in that garage. It's not even... You can't look at it and tell what it is. You're like, what's that? What's that? But that's because you're just an untrained eye. Like the ball cock thing before.

What do you need that for? Trough thing. You don't have a water trough. No, I had it in my rain collection system, but I packed that up because we're moving. So I could re-establish it at the new place. I liked both of your faces, by the way. Yesterday when I said to Megan it was called a ball cock,

she freaked out. And then today when you heard the audio of it being called a ball cock, I don't know if we can talk about this on here. What is a ball cock. She freaked out. And then today when you heard the audio of it being called a ball cock, you were like – I don't know if we can talk about this on here. What is a ball cock? Freaking out. Yeah. So – All perfectly justifiable.

The more I look around that garage, the more I'm like treasure, treasure, essential, essential. Okay. Well, it's now that I bring you the surprise part that I spoke about. Let me just play that there. The Clash of Clutter. The Clash of Clutter. The Clash of Clutter? So yesterday when I went to your house, Vaughn,

I brought some takeaway goods. Including this guy. That's my Boba Fett helmet. You don't need a helmet. A Star Trek helmet. No, it's a Star Wars helmet. Star Wars helmet. You're a grown man.

It's the most ferocious bounty hunter in the galaxy. You push the button on the bottom there. You put it on. That's collector's item stuff. It's not. It's a box. It's not collector's. It's a costume piece.

No, it's not working. It's a volume piece. I think I might need new batteries. So it's bugging. New batteries, that's an easy fix. No, it's not. So this is some sort of stupid helmet costume situation, which Sade would specifically like gone.

And Sade can let it get gone. Oh, that's my first skateboard. With a cute little character on the back. It's been well loved. Yeah, it just needs new bearings because the wheels go a little bit slower. That's been well loved. Yeah, it just needs new bearings because the wheels go a little bit slower. That's a great skateboard. That's for when I go

skateboarding and... He's got two. I've got two as a backhoe. You don't need two. You don't need two. Two too many, but I did take one. So what we're going to do

is give one of these away. So there is a stupid Boba Fett helmet. That's not stupid. There's a skateboard and someone is going to be able to take one of these home right now. All you need to do

is tell us which one you want. This isn't any sort of way of decluttering my garage. It is. No, you're getting rid of it. And you said you didn't want to throw it out, so we're not throwing it out.

We're rehoming. Someone's getting used from it. We're rehoming. Wow, okay. Well, I'll wait 100 dials at M. And what? Somebody just gets to okay. Well, 0800 dials at M. And what, somebody just gets to pack? Yeah, and every day I've got two more options. What do you mean you've got this?

What, for how long? For the rest of the week. So there's eight things. Yeah. I'm going to need to go into my garage and see what's missing. Which, as you've heard, could be... No, the ball cock's still there. I don't think anyone would have a use for it. No way. Actually, there's some farmers that are putting in a new ball cock spring and the animals get a little bit rambunctious with the troughs. Right.

Knock the ball cock off. Okay. Well, first caller through, 0800 Dylans at M. You get to pick. A skateboard or a stupid helmet? Which? Do you want to just quickly put your plea in for why you want to keep these? Well, the Star Wars helmet I love and it goes with my other Star Wars things that I really like.

And the skateboard is, it's a skateboard, so that's always handy if you have, are you going skateboarding and you need someone to come skateboarding with you. Okay. Right. Grace, good morning. Morning.

Which one, clash of the clutter, which one would you like? The skateboard, please. I was hoping you'd say the helmet. Yeah, I know. So the helmet's mine now. Yes. Grace, you get this well-loved skateboard. It's all yours.

Thanks. I think in recent times, haven't you been more using that as a trolley moving device? That's actually really handy to put heavy things on and roll them around. I think in recent times haven't you been more using that as a like a trolley moving device to put heavy things on and like roll them around like I had this massive pot with a tree in it and I put the

thing onto it probably where the bearings are buggered and then pushed it down the path a little bit right well very handy good skateboard though

Grace it's all yours yeah thank you it's seen some love is that the one you learnt on yeah oh memories

the memories don't get a and take a sleep. I know, I know. That's what I'm saying, the memories. All right, two more items tomorrow. Clash of the clutter. F.M. We all know about Instagram influencers and like Carly Jenner earns like 1.74 million or something from one Instagram post.

But what about famous animal influencers? I can only think of Grumpy Cat. Okay, well, don't list them all because you're going to ruin my list. Okay. So there is the first ever pet rich list. Now, these aren't all pets who make money off influencing. Some of them have been left money in wills and things. Oh, right.

Of course they have. Yes. That's cheating though, to be honest. To be fair. Do you think you'll go that full-blown crazy by the end of your life? Like leave everything to my cat? To a cat or my catses? Yeah.

Um, no. That's silly. Right, okay. That's what he says now. Wait till the toxic plasmosis, or whatever it is that cats give you, sets in. And the ringworm, the tapeworm. And I'm leaving my money to, yeah, the SPCA. A lot of people do, though.

SPCA I'm fine with, because that's a great charity, but I'm talking about when they leave it to creatures, specific creatures. Yeah. Okay, so I'm going to hit you with the top five richest pets in the world. And you're going to tell us how much they're worth. Yeah. Go. So number five is Gigu. Gigu is a chihuahua. Damn it.

A chihuahua. Felt like a bearded dragon to me. Gigu is worth $15 million. Jeez. It was owned by a British multimillionaire who was one of the dogs that was left $15 million in his will. See, to me, that's cheating. He didn't start from the bottom.

No, I didn't say they were self-made millionaires. I just said they were millionaires. Number four goes to a few. Sadie, Sunny, Lauren, Layla, and Luke. They are worth $30 million. Each or as a collective? As a collective. Right.

So these are Oprah's five dogs. Oh. Why? How did Oprah's dogs get that rich? Well, she's leaving them $30 million in her will. Why? So that doesn't mean they don't have it yet. I don't know.

They'll be dead by the time she dies. Yeah, she's going to outlive her dogs. Yeah, because they're golden retrievers and in this picture, like a couple of them look quite old. Oh, yeah, she's going to outlive her dogs. Yeah, because they're golden retrievers, and in this picture, like, a couple of them look quite old. Oh, yeah. Old. What are golden retrievers? Like a 10, 11-year dog?

You know you've got too much money when you're leaving your golden retrievers some money. 30 mil. Yeah. The next, number three, third richest pet in the world is Olivia Benson, who is... Oh, come on. Olivia Benson?

Yeah. I'm sorry I'm not up with my famous pets owned by famous people. Olivia Benson is worth $97 million, and it is Taylor Swift's cat. Oh. Her Scottish Fold, Olivia. Yeah, she put pictures of that up at her show, didn't she, on the big screen?

Yeah. Okay, do you know what, though? Those cats are banned in Australia because they're so inbred. The Scottish Folds. Are they? So they're self-made millennials. They have commercials,

they have campaigns for kids, Diet Coke, AT&T. Diet Coke? So they often appear beside her. Imagine a cat.

No, they have the cats in the ad so she splits the money with them. Oh, I thought she'd make a bowl and just tip it in.

And the cat's like, no, no, no, no, no. It's all meow, look at this coke without, no, no. It's all meow. Look at this, some Coke without the calories.

Meow. So it's like, should you be drinking Coke? Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. That was 97 mil. Wow.

Number two, you guessed, was Grumpy Cat. $99.5 million. Also almost $100 million. But they, the owners of Grumpy Cat. $99.5 million. Also almost $100 million. The owners of Grumpy Cat take them around the world. He goes around the world. Because remember when he's got a Madame Tussauds wax figure. And he's got merchandise. Yep.

There was a movie, Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever. So that's how Grumpy Cat's made him. Grumpy Cat was born in 2012. I thought Grumpy Cat was older than that. Because I was like, maybe Grumpy Cat's made me. Grumpy Cat was born in 2012. I thought Grumpy Cat was older than that because I was like, maybe Grumpy Cat's going to leave this realm. But no, probably got a while left, didn't it? Right. And the number one richest pet in the world is a German Shepherd.

Okay. His name is Gunther. It's from Germany. And Gunther inherited $106 million. So not a self-made millionaire, but invested his millions wisely and has grown his wealth to $375 million. $375 million is this German shepherd. Someone left a German shepherd that much money.

But then where does that money go? Now that it's got $375 mil because it's not spending it. Who gets that? Because its owner's technically not alive anymore. See, Grumpy Cat should be number one. He's self-made that with his modelling. Oh no, sorry, Gunther does spend money. Once purchased a villa from

Madonna. Taking the mic. No. Could you imagine the auction? They bought a rare white truffle worth $1,500 for Gunther to eat. So, yeah, Gunther's living the life. Gunther would have been like, no, not for me. And then the humans would have been like, okay, Gunther, we can't let it go to waste.

Gunther, you're always doing silly things like this. Like that time you bought that house off Madonna. Gunther's like, that was you. I tried to stop you at that auction. I barked and they took it as a bid. And then I bought Madonna's house. God damn it. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- and rhea, it turns out rhea just means discharge. Like dio. So nasal discharge.

Diarrhea is discharge from the bum. Is your bum dio? Yeah, what's dio? Dier. Dier. Oh, dier. Not dio. You're thinking of dio the skull.

God, that'd be right. Those dio girls again. Diarrhea named after the diocesan. Yeah, pretty much. Which expels a lot of poos. But you, what is diar? Is that a technical name for a bum bum? Hmm?

I don't have the answer for that. Okay. Okay, I thought you might. I thought you were going to give other. I do. Oh, okay. Have other rears. Yeah.

Do you want to see what the diar and diarrea stands for? No, technical name for bum hole. What is it? A musculus. No. Isn't it a gluteus maximus? No, that's the muscle

of the butt. Sphincter? That's the inside. Musculus sphincter but dia externus. Sphincter. Yeah. It's a PH, isn't it?

But where are they getting the dia from? Dia. I don't know. Loose motions, looses the bowels. Diarrhea. It's very hard to Google medically on the fly, isn't it? And I'm trying to Google diarrhea, but it's like, do you mean, because I can't spell it.

Oh, yeah. Diarrhea. Oh, yeah. It can be spelled a few ways. I remember once mum wrote me a sick note for school because I had diarrhea, and she actually wrote out the word. I was like, mum, this is a make-up excuse. That's teasing forever.

It was only the teacher that saw it, but I was like, mum, just say I had a headache or something. Yeah, but the teacher's like, ugh. Yeah. Di- means through. Yeah, it's Greek for through. So di-a-reen was Greek for flow through, and diarrhea is literally just flowing through you.

Okay. Well, I'm glad that we got there. I'm glad that we sorted that out. Yeah, reins to flow. What were we talking about again? The technical term for a runny nose is a rhinorrhea. That's right. Here's some other rears.

There's galactorrhea. Yep. That is, you'll never guess because it's nothing to do with space because I was just sort of galactic. It's excessive flow of milk from the breasts during lactation. Oh, okay. So that's when a lot's coming through there. Right.

There's menorrhea, which is the technical term for menstruational, for the menstruational flow. Discharge. Oh, yeah, okay. Yeah, because the men are on the front there. There's pyorea, which is the discharge of pus. Pies. Oh, okay. Yeah, because the men are on the front there. There's pyorea, which is the discharge of pus. Pies. Oh, okay.

And there's gonorrhea, which is also there is a discharge. There's a discharge. There's a discharge, yes. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah, it can be painful or difficult according to this definition. So if you just have a running nose, you can just call it. I have rhinorrhea. Can I come call out your boss. Of rhinorrhea.

I have rhinorrhea. Can't come in today. I've got rhinorrhea. The boss is just going to be like, yikes, stay away. Stay away. It sounds disgusting. And then it'll also stop the creeping accounts

bothering you at the Christmas party. I've got rhinorrhea. I've got rhinorrhea. I can't tonight. I can't. Yeah. I'm on something. Yeah.

Yeah. That's that. So today's fact of the day is that the technical term for runny nose is rhinorrhea. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Strike day around the country. The North Island, apart from Wellington and Auckland. Auckland had their strike day yesterday for primary and intermediate age kids. Yep.

Yesterday. And Christchurch tomorrow. The rest of the South Island the day after that. And Friday is Wellington. Right. So some kids are going to be needing some stuff to do. And I got home yesterday from work

and in the afternoon I said to the girls let's go up to the school because we live close to the school. I knew it would be empty and there's a big field and a playground

and stuff. So it takes care of itself. Easy. So we ran around we played soccer for a while and basketball and stuff which I'm terrible at.

I was like watch this foot miss didn't even hit the backboard but they don't know that they probably think you're like great and then I worked out

you could put the hoops down so I put the hoops down to the lowest I could and did a slam dunk tell your friends tell your friends tell your friends my daddy can slam dunk

my dad did a slam dunk white man can jump that's what he told me to say to people and then I lay down on the field they said we're going to play in the playground My dad did a slam dunk. White man can jump. That's what he told me to say to people. And then I lay down on the field. They said, we're going to play in the playground. I said, that's cool.

I'm just going to sit down here. And I lay on the field and I put my head on a ball, one of the balls we took up, and I fell asleep. Now, I don't know how long I was asleep for. Okay. Could have been 20 minutes. Could have been 30 minutes. An hour?

Do you think it was an hour? It wasn't an hour. Because I think we were gone for an hour and a half all up. Because you can't exactly ask them. Like the kids don't really have a grasp of. Kids, how long was Dad asleep for? 20 minutes. Thank you. So I was asleep and I woke up and you know the day naps.

Yeah. When you wake up and you're just like, where am I? Yeah. Because it was quite warm. I just like, where am I? Yeah. Because it was quite warm. I was lying in the sun, not a lot of breeze. That was very nice. And I woke up, I was like, where am I? What was the last thing?

And you try to work out what the last thing you can remember was. And I was like, oh, I'm at the school. How long was I asleep for? Are my children still here? Oh, my God. And I looked around and I couldn't see them. And I was like, uh-oh. And I turned around and I couldn't see them. And I was like, uh-oh. And I turned around and they were playing soccer again.

And I was like, just my heart really got put through its paces. And I was like, oh, you scared me. I thought you were over in the playground. Why didn't you wake me up? They're like, oh, you just looked like you were just sleeping. So we thought we'd just go back and play soccer and leave you to it. Oh, my God. I was like, that was a moment of terrifying parenting.

Well, wake me up next time if some stranger comes. Yeah, if you see Dad asleep and you fear that someone's going to steal you, just yell out Dad. I'll do my best to wake up. I'm like the opposite of Liam Neeson in Taken. He was ready to pounce at any minute. Yeah. I'll be like, oh God, I've missed a call.

Who's that? I'll check the messages. Dad, help. How do I call them back? Straight to voicemail. Oh, well, it was fun while it lasted. Good times. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. So we're going to start this morning with Tessa. Tessa, what's your story for last calls? Good morning, guys. Good morning. Good morning. Hey,, what's your story for last calls? Good morning guys. Good morning. Hey, I'm quite a competitive person and anybody who plays games with me now knows never to because I'm very competitive.

But I was even just as bad when I was a little child and my family took us to Fantasyland in Hastings and we went through the maze that they had of it, the wooden panel maze and we went through the maze and my dad made a competition that whoever won and got to the end first won $10.

And I was like, well, this is me. I've got this. And then I realised quite deep into it that I was lost and I couldn't get out. So I decided to cheat and cut through the little gap between the two panels of wood and got my whole head stuck. Stuck so bad that my dad just heard me screaming out,

no! And they had to get the fire brigade and come and cut me out and my face was all splintered up. And needless to say, I got in trouble for like cheating. My dad was very disappointed in the fact that the shutdown fan

came and cut me out. But your no was a scream because you weren't going to win when you were stuck in that gap. Oh, exactly. I was like, damn'm going to get But your no was a scream because you weren't going to win when you were stuck in that gap. Oh, exactly. I was like, damn it,

my chances are lost. No. So who got the $10? My brother, actually. He got to the end and he laughed. He was like, that's so typical.

He didn't even feel sympathy for me. That's brilliant. All right, Tessa, wait there, we'll vote in a sec. Corey, what's your story

for last calls? How's it going, mate? Good, good. So when I was at primary school, I was about five or so. And every day I used to walk to my grandparents afterwards. And then after school, they'd take me down to the bowling club and my papa would have a couple of cheeky whiskeys or whatever. While I was down there, he'd get me a Fox and Fizz.

And there was one guy down there who he used to drink Fox and Fizz as well. And I thought he was getting drunk. well, and I thought he was getting drunk, so naturally I thought I was getting drunk at the same time. I went to school the next day, and the teacher said to me, oh, you know, how did your afternoon go? And I was like, oh, you know, it was pretty good. I just went down to the bowling club and got drunk with my popper. Yeah, so that sort of threw a few curly questions out to Mum at the next parent-teacher conference. I'm glad she waited. I'm glad the teacher didn't raise the concern at the time.

She's like, I'll wait. Yeah, because maybe it's the only times you can get drunk before parent-teacher. I'll be in Siskia nowadays. Exactly. All right, Corey, wait there. We'll vote in a sec. Sarah, what's your story for last calls? Hi, this, wait there. We'll vote in a sec. Sarah, what's your story for last calls? Hi, this is quite embarrassing,

but I was at the bank with my daughter. All queued up. It was a long queue and everything. And I had a couple of toys in my bag, as you do, being a mum. And by accident, I reached in my bag and grabbed a box of tampons, and they went all over the floor when I dropped them.

And my daughter yelled out like really loud, Mum, you're bullets. And everyone in the bank, like in the aisle, turned around and were passing me the tampons. The security guard came running over and I was just, honestly, I was so embarrassed. That's what my mum

calls them too. The bullets. Really? Little bullets. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I mean. The bullies. Really? The little bullies. Yeah. Oh my gosh. I mean they're individually wrapped aren't they? They are. Yeah they are but like it just made like a noise like all over the floor. It's so embarrassing when a tampon

flops out but it really is. Yeah and I just like I mean I just left like after I didn't even like worry about going like queuing up, staying in the queue. But as I was walking out the door, people are still passing me tampons. Some people just giving you theirs from their purse. Yeah, have some more. All right, let's vote.

Wait there, we'll vote now the Tribal Council for our favourite story. Do you understand that? Oh, we should just say them. I pick 11. 10. Well, Tessa, you've won. Yay! ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

The podcast. For more, check out ZM online.