ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 15 2018

Episode Date: November 14, 2018

Megan and Andrew have matching outfits tonight for the Music Awards, Today In NCEA and your most expensive small crash.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. From nzherald.co.nz, called Tienaing a Pūrongo, a ZM. Thanks to McCafe, start your day right with a barista made McCafe coffee. Vaughan, you're going to have to do the news. Oh, what do you want from my Facebook feed? Well, in breaking news, the Facebook page Nerds With Vaginas has shared a meme where a man called John has worked out that jigsaw puzzle makers

use the same die cut to cut all different sorts of puzzles so you can literally mix and match. I'll show the picture now to my co-hosts where they've mixed a horse puzzle with a train. It's actually quite interesting, isn't it? Isn't it? That's maybe why I'd stopped on it. I was thinking like a story like, for example,

New Zealand will host the Women's's rugby World Cup in 2021. And the first Southern Hemisphere nation to do it. That's great news. And also women are working for free from now on. From here on out. Why? No, we're not. Yes, you are. Because of the pay gap, if the standard applied of the 70% from here on out, women would be working for free.

Okay, we'll see you later. For the rest of the year. No, you're still into being here. You know, I just don't think they should talk about it. I think they should actually do it. There's a lot of talk, but is anybody willing to put their money with their mouth? All right. Great news update, guys.

Hello. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Good morning. Bleach. Morning, Megan. Good morning to you. Thanks to our news team there.

Great, succinct, concise news bulletin. Good luck once this break is over because Bleach is coming for you. Thanks to our news team there. Great, succinct, concise news bulletin. Good luck once this break is over because Fletcher's coming for you. There's going to be a Let's fire someone! Where are they? That's just a peek. It's unbelievable that it was like a tapas of Fletcher's rage. Intern Anya's filling in

at the moment, isn't she? Intern Anya's filling in for Belle. Which means that we get our news pumped in. But in our day, we would have had to do both. Like, what's wrong with millennials? Don't turn into... Excuse me, there's nothing wrong with us. You're saying that she should be doing both.

Upper end. You're an upper end millennial. Don't call me an elder millennial. You're an elder millennial. I'm in all of the brackets that I ever look at. I'm a millennial. Don't call me an elder millennial. You're an elder millennial. I'm in all of the brackets that I ever look at. I'm a millennial. Don't be jealous. No, it's like star signs.

I'm a mature millennial. You're in the Herald, you're a Pisces, but in the Woman's Weekly. In the Woman's Weekly, you're a Aquarius. I'm a mentor millennial. Mentor, not mental. You said mental. You did say mental. No, I said mentor.

Mentor millennial. Yeah. So like upper crust. Yeah. Right, mentor. You did say mentor. No, I said mentor. Mentor millennial. Yeah. So like upper crust. Yeah. Right, okay. I mentor the youngins. All right, well, I'm going to have to draft up a warning. A warning letter for missing the news there.

Ooh. Unacceptable. Maybe you could just ask what happened. That'd be nice. You guys okay? That's how you should start it. Real pass out. Is everything okay up there in the newsroom?

Just wondering, you know, why you're not doing your job. Is everything okay up there in the newsroom? Just wondering, you know, why are you not doing your job? Is everybody, you know, like we're all here doing our job.

Why aren't you? Everybody, I just, I hate guys. It's Fletcher. I just wanted to check in. Is everybody okay up there? You're like,

uh oh. That's just, that's, that's the drink before the tapas of rage. That's the, would anybody look at the drink while you're browsing the menu? Can I interest you in drinks?

I'm sorry. I just expect people to do their job. There it is. That's the bread. That's the breadstick. It's made coming. Is it too much to ask? You just treat yourself with some tapas, MFers.

Because it is coming thick and fast. Is it okay if we bring the rage out as it's ready? Or would you like it all to be brought out at once? All right, the top six is coming thick and fast. Is it okay if we bring the rage out as it's ready or would you like it all to be brought out at once? All right, the top six is coming up. Yeah, the top six. Cheeky monkeys. The top six reasons Harry McCleary is New Zealand's favourite book of the decade. Now, this isn't new Harry McCleary.

This is just the Harry McCleary franchise. It's a timeless classic here in Aotearoa. Caitlin, have the news department turned off this screen as well? This giant screen? Why isn't that on? Christ. You know what it is. What?

Women are working for free from here on out. And us men, we're suffering the ill effects. We're going on strike. Right. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. All right. three news headlines.

The three news stories that I found online that are interesting, unusual, quirky, funny, shocking. Headline one, parents mortified. Headline two, pig ends up in back of police car. And headline three, mum's kinder surprise. Is the mum's kinder surprise a mum was storing cocaine in her kids, you know, the little plastic eggs that come inside kinder surprise? Correct. Yeah, that.

You've guessed that story. You know that story. Yeah, yeah. Great, mum. So that's done. Mum of the year? Yeah, mum of the year there. I've forgotten what story number one was.

Parents mortified. Parents mortified. Was that it? That's it, yeah. What one do you want? I think parents mortified. Yeah, so it's no real indication what's happening. Okay, you want that? We go now to Australia.

Shane and... Shane. Shane. And his wife, Amy. Shane-o. Amy. They have a son called Mason. All very Australian names, these, aren't they? Aren't they?

I've got the hiccups. Mason's third birthday was coming up, so they were like, well, this is great. We'll get a cake. Okay. And as you know, Vaughan, when you've got kids and you're doing a birthday, you've got to have a good cake. Oh, you've got to have a good cake. God, why do I get hiccups at the worst time?

Yeah. So you've got to have a good cake. So they decided, well, we'll go to Woolies. As you do. Which here is Countdown. Because, you know, we have the Countdown. They've got the W logo. And sometimes there'll even be W Woolies

there'll even be things that say Woolworths on it with the Countdown logo you'll be like what and it's just because it's from Australia because they all used to be Woolworthses

didn't they back in the day and then they bought out Countdown and then there was a mass and I guess Countdown's better than Woolworths for a supermarket name I guess

I don't know they must have done something well I don't know I'm not emotionally done something. Well, I don't know. I'm emotionally attached to either time. You wouldn't have cared. You wouldn't have cared either way. Neither. I don't know.

Woolworths was a very well-established brand. Yeah. But they went with Countdown, didn't they? Countdown, keep prices down maybe because it's got the down in it. You can count on them and the down. Counting down to specials and stuff. Whereas Woolworths. Is what can count on them and the down. Counting down to specials and stuff. Whereas Woolworths. Is what?

Sheepwear and Worths. Actually, if we're quite honest, it's a weird name for a supermarket. It is. It's a family name, though, isn't it? Yeah, I believe so. So anyway, they paid $49 Australian dollars for a cake from Woolworths. Now, I don't know about you, but a supermarket birthday cake should never be that much.

No. From a supermarket, you don't expect much, do you? Yeah, that's quite expensive. Well, they had a frog-themed birthday party for Mason's third birthday. Yeah, frog-themed. The instructions were

that they wanted a frog-themed birthday cake. So he paid the $49. He said it'll be ready in a couple of days before his birthday. Come back and pick up. Any word on what the cake was? Chocolate sponge? Yeah, did they specify? No offence.

Sometimes they've got the cool-looking cakes. I'm about to. Well, some do. Those are imported, though, at Countdown. Your standard Countdown-looking made cake, very plain-looking. Just chocolate. Very spongy, isn't it? Well, I'll show you a picture of the cake and the frog-themed cake

that they say left them disgusted and outraged. It makes me want to see it. Oh, this is good stuff. Oh, what? That is good stuff. So could you describe the frog-themed cake, Megan, for those that can't see the photo at home? It's a green square.

And they've just put green icing on a square cake. And then to the left is a very basic smiley face. Two dots and a semi-circle. It's literally a colon and a bracket. Yeah. And then they've just written three, the number. All in green. So the frog theme was written three, the number. All in green. So the frog theme was just that it was green.

It was green, basically. And like very minimal lettering. And yeah, that was 49 Australian dollars. So just over 50 New Zealand dollars. Has Woolworths responded? Oh, they're terribly sorry. It was their response. Why did you come to Woolworths for a custom-made cake?

I know. Well, Shane said, I assumed it would be fine. When we got home, I opened it up with my wife, and we were both mortified. The minimalist green happy face, as described, with a number three piped with lime green frosted background. Shane said Amy was particularly upset because the guests were supposed to arrive soon

and she did not want to serve the pathetic cake. Yeah. Shane said he called Woolworths to see if they could fix the cake on short notice but was told the store didn't decorate cakes. That was obvious, Shana. You asked for something, they gave you just a plain cake. It's not their forte, buddy. Yeah.

But why didn't they say that when he said frog-themed cake? I don't, I, you know what? I'm putting a bit of this on Shane, to be honest. I'm putting a lot of this on Shane. And you can imagine he didn't escape. So they tried to save it at the end by putting some blue icing or food colouring on one corner. To make it look like a pond. To make it look like a pond.

And then some chocolate sprinkles to make it look like, I guess, the dirt. And then they put a frog little toy on it. And it made it look worse. I don't think a three-year-old's going to care too much. No. I mean, it's not Instagram worthy. Yeah. I mean, that's on Shane.

How many followers does Shane have? 50. Yeah. They're all Russian bots. The photo went viral. And apparently Woolworthiz did reach out and apologise and offer a $50 gift card. Just to cover what he paid.

Yeah, basically. No more. Shane got a free cake. He's probably in the dog box with the missus, and the kid won't remember it. But we've all learnt a lesson. Don't get a cake from a supermarket if you want a ooh-la-la one. Or check it before you leave.

Yeah. Before you pay for it, check it. That kind of goes across the board for any cake purchasers, I'd say. F.E.M. The list of New Zealand's most watched TV shows has been released, and this is the top. The fourth one is the one that everybody's like, that's still cranking along there.

One news is top. It's top dog. Second, and I can totally see why, Country Calendar. You love it. Absolute classic, country calendar. You love it. Absolute classic New Zealand television. I love it. A taste of all sorts of rural life. There's always some couple that fled the city and started a boutique something or other. Handy. Handy.

Yep. Lavender. It was a real struggle at first because we didn't know what we were doing. Yeah. And now we do. We planted a whole lot of lavender and people seemed to like it and from there business bloomed. Excuse the pun. And look at the kids. We had to homeschool lavender and people seemed to like it and from there business bloomed. Excuse the pun. And look at the kids. We had to homeschool them and they're not weird at all.

Do you like my brown card, eh? Do you like my brown card? Oh, I made it in sewing. My sewing teacher's my mum. She teaches me maths. That's like how every episode of Country Gall Calendar goes, basically. My mum said the city was going to be no good for us cods. So we got to hell out of here.

You sound like young Simon Bridges. My mum knew how to make a dollar go long way. Actually, young Simon Bridges would be a comical series. Like young Sheldon. Yeah, yeah. Young Simon Bridges. I don't know. I think two Chinese students are worth two Indian students a week, don't you?

What are you talking about, Simon? I'm being a waste. But I believe in Jesus, so can I be that bad? Probably. And that's why we left a big soddy. To start a honey farm.

Fair Go's up there as well. Whichever you caught Fair Go lately, it feels like they're just having a go at anybody now. Feels like they've been on for so long. Every now and then they'll get a big bite, but otherwise they're just chasing a cinema whose popcorn's gone down a size or something. Right.

And fourth place is Border Patrol. Now this is the one I want to talk about, because Border Patrol is one of those TV shows that New Zealanders love. Half a million Kiwis watch it a week. Wow. When it's on. It's like Police 10-7.

It's unintentional comedy, isn't it? It is, but it's also like Police 10-7 and the fact that you've seen one episode, you've seen them all. Yeah, that's true. Like, Police 107's a bit of a variety, and it's kind of cool when they go to different towns because you're like, hey, my hometown.

I know someone from school. Yep, two people that episode. But Border Patrol is literally like, oh, they've stopped an old Asian lady. What's she got in her bag? And they're like, do you have any medicine, any food? And she's like, no idea, mate. Can't speak a word of English. And they get in and they pull out half a pig's head and some roots of plants.

And they're like, you said you had no food. And she's like, that's medicine. That's just a bit, and people love it. So, and it's not only New Zealanders. New Zealand's Border Patrol, This isn't local versions. This is New Zealand's Border Patrol is in the UK, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Italy, Holland, Australia, and some Middle Eastern countries. Wow. Yeah, all around.

They were filming that when I came back from Melbourne and we were all trying to get on the camera, but the trouble is they're not interested unless the dog's jumping on your bag. Really getting into you. And then when you wait for the dog, they kind of tell you to move along. Then you're like, can you just just just let it be? I know, you're not allowed to pat the dog. You're not even really supposed to talk to it. God, imagine the embarrassment if they got your suitcase open and found some bloody, you know.

What? Like you took your adult fun toy over for the weekend or something. Imagine if the dog pulled you aside, they searched it all on the dog's, and all it was was like your undies were particularly smelly and it had skids in it and they held it up on camera

and they're like some people and then you're shown in all those countries blurred face or not they'll know who it is so there's ever been countries where they've

made local versions but the New Zealand version's been more popular oh they're laughing at us yeah undie undie

well no not laughing at us it's like predominantly they deal with tourists or foreign visitors. And a lot of countries don't have the strict biosecurity that we do. No. So it's not as funny when someone's coming in and they don't have, like, you know, a pig's head in their suitcase. I hadn't thought about that.

They probably, like, laugh. Half of the entertainment is the fact that we're giving someone a $400 fine for a mandarin. FEM. half of the entertainment is the fact that we're giving someone a $400 fine for a mandarin. F.E.M. A mistake here in New Zealand's gone international. It turns out that Gisborne Herald has wrongly printed a name

beside a photo when Stan Lee died at the age of 95. What's that? I saw this and I didn't know it was a Kiwi newspaper. Yeah. It's a Gisborne Herald app. It is. What's that? I saw this and I didn't know it was a Kiwi newspaper Yeah Oh no It is Right beside the story of a dog stay out for the SPCA's birthday

And Gizmon teaches joining a national action of strike Right in the middle there it says Characters first, superheroes next Spike Lee dies at 95 Now Spike Lee and Stanley share a surname But that's probably about where the similarity ends Yeah pretty much One's twice the age

Well one's yeah 95 Now passed away A white comic book writer The other is Spike Lee 61 years old A African American film director Producer, writer and actor Yeah

He made Black Have you guys seen Black Klansman yet? No I really wanted to see that I know it's one of those movies that you're like, I want to see that. Everyone said it was amazing. Who was it?

Adam Driver was in it, wasn't it? Yeah, Adam Driver was in it. I'm guessing that must be out now or soon. Yeah, that's definitely on the list of... Yeah. I don't know, but it's basically the story of a black cop who goes undercover. It's an actual story, isn't it?

A true story? Or is it? It's based on a true story because, yeah, there was the case of it happening. So I think it's based on a lot of the events that that police officer experienced. Right. Well, he's actually tweeted.

Yes, Spike Lee himself has tweeted saying, not yet. Oh, no. Oh, shame. not yet. Oh, no. Oh, shame. Not yet. He's like Spike Lee, the beloved creator of Professor Malcolm X, which is good because that's Professor X from X-Men, which was an actual creation.

Yeah. Spider inside man and do the right thing. So he could see the humour in an era, but he said, no, at the moment, not yet. I'm still alive. God bless Stan Lee. He said, no, at the moment, not yet. I'm still alive. God bless Stan Lee. He did a great job, but me, not yet. I'm not going to be going yet.

61 years old, not 95. I feel sorry for the top Gisborne academics, all the top high school kids that obviously smashed out. I'm assuming they won some awards or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's gone all over the world as well. No, that's great because now everyone's seen it. It would be worse if it was like... Our worst academics.

Yeah, like check out these disruptive losers. And it was... Do you want to see the worst kids in our region? Look at these ugly morons. Yeah, right. But that would be terrible. I mean, that would be terrible if a paper printed that sort of... Sure. That sort of rhetoric. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith.

Hello and welcome to today's Top Six regarding Harry McCleary from Donaldson's Theory. The Linley Dodd books has been named New Zealand's best-selling book of the decade. Beating out all other books, including Annabelle Langbine, who is has been named New Zealand's best-selling book of the decade, beating out all other books, including Annabelle Langbine, who is nipping at Harry McCleary's heels. God, but you can't make delicious treats with a Harry McCleary book, can you? No, you can't. The Lumineers?

The Lumineers? Lumineers. Lumineers is the book. Lumineers is the band by Eleanor Catton, which I've not read. Have you seen the actual – It's quite big. It's massive. And it's set in 1800s grey mouth, eh?

And it's not big writing. I don't even think I'd read a book set in 2018 grey mouth. Although 2018 grey mouth might feel like 1980s grey mouth. Anyway, I don't know. But that's up there. But Harry McCleary is a favourite, and that's why today's top six is the top six reasons Harry McCleary is everybody's favourite book. It's a bit more of an in-depth look at all these characters who have come to love.

Okay. Number six on the top six reasons Harry McCleary is everyone's fave, because Snitselvon Crumb is a very low-tum, but doesn't pay tax on income. So in jail, he'll be glum. With a thumb in his bum. That's what happens if you don't pay tax. Are you ruining our childhood favourite book? Well, no. Snitselvon Crumb did. So in jail he'll be glum. With a thumb in his bum. That's what happens if you don't pay tax. Are you ruining our childhood favourite book? Well, no, that's what Von Krum did.

He dodged tax and he ended up in prison. And that's what you do to an angry dog too. Yeah, you also put a thumb right up its butt if it's biting you. It's meant to stop an attack. It's where its release button is for its jaw. We've talked about this. It's very hard when you're being mortified. Not by a dog.

That's Von Krum because he's a dachshund. A dachshund. A dachshund offensive on Crumb because he's a dashun. A dashun. A dashun. Doesn't that mean he's extra long though? He's long if you've got little short arms, but like his height might be to your advantage. Yeah. So the top six reasons here in McClure

is everyone's favourite New Zealand book, number five. Bottomly pots is covered in spots that are actually blood clots. Oh God. He's due to be shot. Oh no. But he's off on the trot around the world in a yacht

after winning Lotto's jackpot. So it's good news he's getting one final... Or is he getting away? Yeah, yeah, bucket list. No, well, he's going for one last... If he dies at sea, he doesn't mind.

He doesn't mind. It's the way he would have wanted it. Yeah, he's living his adventure as an adventurous Dalmatian. Number four on the list of the top six reasons Harry McCleary is everybody's favourite New Zealand book.

Hercules Morse is as big as a horse And he's joined the police force Oh that's good And he's close to the source And he kills with no remorse However he's in the midst of a divorce But he still loves his wife of course Good

Classic police drama there for Hercules Morse Number three on the list of the top six reasons Harry McCleary is everyone's favourite New Zealand book. Bits and Maloney's all skinny and bony because he was scared and so lonely. Despite his love for macaroni. Great news, he married a Shetland pony in a frowned upon ceremony.

His parents called it phony, her said baloney, but it's happy matrimony. I feel like you're doing a lot of the follow-up work here for future books. I mean, branch spin-offs. Hello, Lindley. I'm happy to come on board. Let these take sort of like a sinister turn.

Number two on the list of the top six reasons Harry McCleary is everybody's favourite New Zealand's book. Muffin McClay's like a bundle of hay. And he's also gay. To conservatives' dismay. Diversity though, yay. And come Father's Day, he's got his dad a Santa Fe.

And an effort to say, support is the way. That is lovely. That is very poetic. He's got the pink dollar there, able to afford a Santa Fe. I know, I know. I know, yeah, no kids and stuff. He's like, Dad, I'm spoiling you. And he says, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, I won't have it.

Look, you're my boy and I love you regardless. I won't have it. I won't have it. And the number one reason Harry McCleary is everyone's favourite New Zealand book. Harry McCleary is from Donaldson's Dairy. But he's allergic to cherry. But not blackberry. So he must always be wary.

And always ask the query. Berry or cherry, my dearie? And his bird, Terry? Yep. Is very cherry. Wow for a canary. That's about allergies, that one. Yeah, kind of covered it all there.

Yeah, really. Sexuality. Tags, dodging, sexuality. Not letting a terminal disease be the end of you. Police, drama. Homosexuality, not letting a terminal disease be the end of you. Police drama, homosexuality, and just accepting a different relationship. Real new age. Six pillars of progressiveness in Harry McLary.

That's today's top six. FEM. I said I had a warning for you, Fletch. As a kombucha lover, plus, yeah, Vaughan loves to get started on kombucha. So it has. Well, there's still absolutely no scientific proof of any health benefit to kombucha. You're not wrong. You're not wrong.

There isn't. Might make you feel better, but that's probably just a placebo effect. Well, if it makes you feel better, just do it. Yeah, life advice there from Fletch Unless it's murder That makes some people feel better So it's possible that kombuchas Have some alcohol in them

I did know this But it's a very low level isn't it Well I think it has to be under like 1% right Yeah it's fermentation To be sold as To not have to have ID to buy it In the supermarket cent, right? Yeah. It's fermentating too. To be sold as, yeah, to not have to have ID to buy it in the

supermarket. So the trouble is, if you are an under 20 driver, you could fail a breath test after drinking kombucha. Of course. Because you've got to have a zero limit. Yeah. Isn't that the same with cough medicine? You have to be careful because if you have cough medicine

and then you get breath tested and you're under 20, you're not supposed to have any alcohol. That's only the good cough medicines. Zero tolerance. The good ones. The rubbish ones that don't have any buzz in them. Right. So, yeah, just be careful because a lot of people,

especially millennials, are like, this is so good for me, even though there's no scientific evidence, eh, Bourne? No scientific evidence. It's yummy, though. I'll give you that. It is. I love it. So, yeah, there's no scientific evidence, but they're drinking it because it's cool and it's evidence. It's yummy though. I'll give you that. It is. I love it. So yeah, there's no scientific evidence,

but they're like drinking it because it's like cool and it's supposed to be healthy and stuff. And then you drive and whoopsies. You're a little bit over. I mean, only a tiny amount, but you only need to be a tiny amount. Well, it's zero. Yeah.

Reading a story yesterday about kombucha, I forget the exact stat, but it's like huge in supermarkets now in New Zealand and Australia. Like in the past year, it's like... Blind kombucha i forget the exact stat but it's like huge in supermarkets now in new zealand and australia like in the past year it's like blind kombucha yeah it's through the roof like have you noticed how many more now what section is it in like in the drinks it's in where you get like juices orange juice yeah orange juice like the flash orange juices yeah yeah the flash ones it's been a while since i've brought a flash orange juice. Why?

It's just not your thing. No. Orange juice doesn't agree with me. What happens? It gives me heartburn and then I need to go to the toilet. Wheeze or poos? Do you need to know? I'm trying to work out what's going on here.

What is it, the pulpiness of it? No, I don't know. Oh, that's what I don't, people that don't like pulp in their orange juice. Oh, no, I love it. What is wrong with you? You've got to love a bit of pulp. Yeah, people are like, well, take the pulp out.

It's like, what? Well, you might as well just be having a raro. Yeah, exactly. The Clash of Clutter. Clash of the Clutter. I have been helping Vaughn declutter his garage, and I actually took eight items from his garage. To give away.

Well, yeah, half of them we're going to give away, because, man, he packs a sad. Everything I picked up, he had an excuse for. I need that Boba Fett helmet. I need that ball cock for my troughs. The ball cock's going to be very handy for when I have a trough. You're not going to have a trough. No.

Your golf bag. We gave that away because you don't play golf, but you've got a golf bag. I've got a golf bag. Yeah, a couple of balls in there and a green tee. It's a wooden green tee. It's a little bit bent, but it'll still do the trick. Do the job right. So you might have noticed the two items today, Vaughn, are in front of you.

I do. So this is, oh, do you want me to tell you what they are? Yeah, no, go for it. This is the first stereo I ever bought with my own money. Oh, I feel a bit bad now. How old were you? It's very dusty. Well, I got one

for like my 15th or 16th birthday and that saw me through a long time. But then that was quite big. Remember when stereos were like huge? Massive. And so I wanted a more compact unit. This is quite chic. It's so crazy now that all you really need is like a Yui Boom, eh? I know, I know.

And that's all you need and your phone. Yeah, exactly. Get two of those and then it'll probably be the equivalent of this. But this has been my shed. This has been my garage right here for a while. I think I bought this in like 2002. So it's been in the family. It's an heirloom.

Chic little Philips stereo. And it's been in the family. It's an heirloom. It's a chic little Philips stereo. And it's got like wooden box stereo speakers. Right. Does it work? Yeah, does it actually go though? Does it work? Well, okay. So here's what you're going to hear a noise.

Oh my God. That's just it trying to figure out if it's got a CD in it. Okay. Right. You've been warned. Okay. It might not make the... Yeah, there's the noise.

Why are you keeping this? It's like, do I have a CD in me today? Well, does it have a CD in it? I don't know because the drawer doesn't open. There could be like a classic in there. It's a three CD changer. Yeah. But it doesn't work.

I mean, pointless. It might as well be a zero. If you bang it, does it stop? No. But the thing is, once you're in the shit and you get it cranked and you can't even hear that. Does it still work? Oh, shit, yeah, mate.

Wait, are you going to put it on? Should I put it on the radio? Okay. Yeah. I just make sure we're on the right channel. We can't stay quiet to listen if it's working the radio because that... Oh, see? It's working.

There's a slight delay. Can you play some... Oh, see, that was not smart. So we're on the radio. Yeah, play a song, Fletch. Okay. Oh, my God, that's distracting. Actually, I mean,

that makes no sense because people will hear it coming through their radio and then it goes back through this radio and then back through the radio again. I mean, take it from me.

It's working. You can hear it a little bit. You know what I'm saying. Yeah, sure. I don't know about the CD thing. I don't know if the CD thing should stop. Right.

It's got walks as well. What's walks? It's got walks. What's walks? I don't know. It's this button and it to which you should stop. Right. That's really distracting. Okay, it's got wooks as well. What's wooks? It's got wooks. What's wooks? I don't know. It's this button and it says wooks and you press it once and it's like wooks one, wooks two, wooks three. It's more bassy, more full of stuff.

Okay, so today you can either win this incredible stereo. Or. Or just put it on an auxiliary and plug your phone in. Okay. That's pretty legit way to use it. Yeah. Or. Or a fishing rod. Because you love fishing. This. That's pretty legit way to use it. Yeah. Or a fishing rod.

Because you love fishing. This is my surfcaster. You don't go fishing. Why do you have a fishing rod? You don't even like the ocean. You like to look at it. I don't like going on boats. I don't mind sitting on the beach though

with a fishing rod stuck in the sand. Is that why you got a surfcaster? Because you don't like going on boats. Did you pay for this? I couldn't tell you. I can't imagine you would have. You know what? I feel like this is my dad's.

Actually now looking at it. I feel like this is one of those things I've borrowed that he's expecting back at some stage. Yeah, right. He'll be listening now. He'll be like literally looking. He'll be at the cow shed milking. He'll be like, that's where my bloody surf cast has gone.

So he's a hoarder like you, he just has a lot of crap that doesn't miss. It is a generational thing. Like my papa, when he passed away, his shed, everybody was like, bag's not. There's a lot of stuff in papa's shed. Alright, well you get to choose right now, 0800 DARS at M. Would you like Vaughan's

surf cast, possibly his dad's? What brand is it? I push. It's a nothing brand. Says something smipper. That's another thing about us Smiths is we don't spend money on brands. Yeah, you're tight asses, aren't you? That's for sure. Or would you like the.

Phillips Stereo. Phillips. With woks. With woks. And a faulty three disc changer. You get to choose. And I tell you what. Because I'm feeling generous, I'll chuck in the jandal that literally just broke the second. You get to choose. And I tell you what, because I'm feeling generous,

I'll chuck in the jandal that literally just broke this second. Oh, yuck. My jandal just broke. Kyron, good morning. Good morning. Now, what would you like?

Would you like the the mini changer three disc stereo system? With Wux. With Wux or the Servcaster? Oh, I'm real keen on the stereo. That'll be perfect for the old workshop. It would be a great workshop.

Stereo. Like, once you get it cranked up, you can't even hear that CD thing. Despite the noise? Play the noise again, Bourne. This is disconcerting. Yeah, that's not good, is it? Yeah, that music's my ears, that.

Yeah, mate, but if you're in the workshop, it just sounds like someone's doing some work, you know? Yeah, that's not good, is it? Yeah, that music's my ears, that. Yeah, mate, but if you're in the workshop, it just sounds like someone's doing some work, you know? Yeah, exactly. Exactly, exactly. Okay, well, Clash of the Clutter, congratulations, Kyron. Oh, wicked. Look after it, though, Kyron. This was a special, this has been a special story for me.

Got a remote as well. I'll build a little shelf for it so it's out of the way. It's played some sexy tunes in its time. Oh, yeah. Well, I tell you what, lovely, they put one of three CDs on and I'll be right back.

I'll let you know what it is. Oh, God. Oh, yeah, well, you pull it open and find out. It's probably a classic CD in there. Next on the show, the Music Awards are tonight and Megan and Mr. Toyboy

will be making a special appearance on the red carpet. Don't say special appearance. We're just going to be there. No, don't be a dick. We're just going to be there. Taking photos. Okay.

Hoping to make the Sunday papers. Well, we own the Sunday. The company owns the Sunday paper. I still don't make them. If you don't get in the Sunday paper, you'll get there. I still don't make them. Well, guys, guys, please put me in there. But Mr.

The Kevin Kanye of New Zealand music will be. Okay. Stop now. That's what she said. That's what she asked me to say. Yeah. Oh, okay. But it's what they're wearing to the awards that we want to talk about next.

Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. Tonight, it's a big night on the calendar For the music Industry It's the Boost Mobile New Zealand Music Awards Don't be a dick

Boost Mobile Vodafone New Zealand Music Awards Brought to you by KGB Vodka No Vodafone New Zealand Music Awards Big night on the calendar Yeah

We didn't get an invite I don't want to go anyway You guys never want to go to anything, do you? Nah, I don't want to go anywhere. It gets to like eight and I get real tired. And you don't want to talk to people. No, I get social anxiety. It's too loud.

It's too loud. That's my new rule. I'm not going anywhere that's too loud anymore. Okay. How loud's Friday Jam's going to be? Hopefully quite loud. I'm bringing earplugs. And yeah, if you want to talk to me, lean right in. Don't yell at me.

Lean right in. Right in, because I'll have earplugs in, so that actually helps. Sounds like he's joking, but he actually wears earplugs to concerts now. For a man that speaks at this volume all the time, it seems ironic, but I don't like loud spaces overly. But it's a good one for the industry because people get to dress up and drink free booze, question mark.

And celebrate the New Zealand music industry. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that. Dan Rumble's up for four awards this year. Okay. Tad Palm. I don't know. I'm a bit out of touch.

I'll admit it. I'm a little bit out of touch. The Feelers up for four. Yes. So be so facetious. They should be. So Megan and Mr. Toyboy are heading along. She kept this very quiet.

Yeah. Very quiet. How did you get an invite even? What's that supposed to mean? Andrew's in the music scene. Yeah, okay, good call. And Megan's like, oh, we play music. And they're like, gotcha.

So she kept this very quiet. Yeah, for this exact reason. But last night on the gram, I was like, what's going on, whore? Is this the same guy that helped us with House of Hutton? Yeah. Stephen. Great guy. Stephen Vase. And just dapper dresser. Looks spiffy from how I've seen him.

So he's making you guys matching outfits. That we designed. How very ooh la la. Yeah. Can you, like, without giving it away, because obviously there's going to be the reveal, right? Like, you don't want to tell us exactly what they look like. Don't act like you're baiting me as soon as I give you details.

I'll leave my surfcaster gone. He's doing this sincere face, like, obviously there's going to be a reveal, and then as soon as I tell you details, you're going to absolutely blow me. But, I mean, you're not going to tell us exactly what it looks like because there would be a reveal. But what can we expect?

Yeah, what are we, cream? For this matching. Are you going to tell us colours? They're both black. Okay. Okay. We've got matching shoes. Matching shoes.

Were the matching shoes part of the? No. That was a separate thing. It's different. We've just got matching shoes. Because I thought that was very unlike you to be wearing a sneaker to a formal event. I'll be wearing heels. You'll be wearing heels.

Okay. So they're both black and they're both made of the same fabric. There's two types of fabric. Oh, are we going velvet? And the lining even matches, guys. No, not velvet or suede. It's actually a bit of a wool blend in case you're wondering. What is a wool blend like?

Because I'm familiar with cotton and then my knowledge of fabric ends. What is a wool blend like? I don't know. cotton and then my knowledge of fabric ends. What is a wool blend like? I don't know. Do I have anything that's wool blend? Doubtful. Your swan dry? What? That's wool.

It's not a swan dry. Okay. So it's black. It matches. It's got two types of fabric and they're both the same. So is it like a similar cut? Like a female's version and a male's version? Stop.

Stop it. Or are you both wearing dresses? But that's what I'm, but is it like a year? Is it matching suits? Suit blazers? I don't want to tell you! I want to know what it looks like beforehand. But it's a slippery slope because then you'll end up

being like 60 and how old will he be? 24. You'll be on your 60 and 30 or will he be? 24. Yeah, you'll be on your... 50. You'll be 60 and 30 or whatever on your cruise and matching tracksuits going around the islands. I bloody hope so. That'd be so great. And Lawrence will be in his teens then

and he won't be standing for it. He'll be like, come on, Lawrence. Mother. Father. We need a word. I shan't be leaving the house With either of you dressed in these matching Disney attires Yeah

These tracksuit Alright well I'm excited for one to see the grand tonight No you're talking it up too much now You've made it too much of a thing But that's pretty cool Don't worry Shut up Dick

Look at the look on your face I know I'm being genuine This is why I can't do charity ads Because I can't sound genuine. I always sound sarcastic. That's pretty cool what you're doing there. But I've never had a custom made. Once I got my pants taken up at Hellenstein's, that's custom.

Boom. Great. Done. Eight. Today, it is CEA. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss Merritt. Good morning, Miss Merritt. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss Merritt. Good morning, class.

Thank you for coming today. Good luck to those doing NCEA. We have to be here by law. Good luck to those doing NCEA exams today. Caitlin, what subjects? So today we've got Level 1 Science, Level 1 Chemistry, Level 2 Geography, Level 3 Making Music and Chemistry, and then Scholarship History and Te Reo Rangitiri.

Rangitiri. Sorry. Damn, I was really trying. I mean, I don't have it written down in front of me. Did you say trying or trying? Trying. I'm really trying. God.

Okay, so we'll say trying. Every day we've been doing a mock exam. We've been asked one question in a general area associated to whatever exams happen. Because you guys wouldn't be able to answer the real question. Yeah, it's close enough. It's close enough. Okay, let's start class with level two, geography. Which sedimentary rock is largely formed

by the remains of dead sea creatures? Curb it, Megan! Yep. Curb it, Curb it. Oh no, I would get my answer. It's not it. I was going to say coral. Fletch. That's wrong. Fletch. Limestone? Correct!

You actually knew that. That's why we're all so happy for you. Good on you. Okay, Fletch, one out of three. Okay, the next question. Scholarship, Te Reo. Name the South and North Islands of New Zealand in Te Reo Māori. Ant Vaughan.

Te Ika a Māui is the North Island. That stands for the Fish of Māui, right? Correct. The Fish of Māui. I think I know South Island ifi, right? Correct. The Fish of Maui and... I think I know South Island if he doesn't get it. Te Wai Pounamu. No. Correct.

No, isn't there a Mr. Bit? Te Wai Pounamu, I thought it was the Waters of Greenstone. No, that is correct. Oh. Te Wai Pounamu. One to one. Well done. I was going to say, can't North Island.

No. But I've got half a point. You weren't listening at all. Okay, to your, beside you, you have gloves, a face mask and glasses. Please put those on. For level one, chemistry. Okay. Safety first class.

Do I have to put on a mask? Yeah, on your face. Are you wearing so... Now, listen carefully, please. You will buzz in with your name when you know the answer, but wait till I have finished asking, okay? And then we will have fun. So, answer the question first and then the fun comes.

When the doctors and nurses put them on, it takes them real quick. No, because they spent that seven years at uni, six months of it's putting rubber gloves on. Are you fogging up your glasses when you huff into the mask? Yeah, I am. Okay, ready? Is this safety necessary? Because when I went to school, we didn't do safety stuff. It's very necessary.

Okay, buzz in with your name. I go. What are the household ingredients used to make a homemade volcano? Megan. I knew this. Megan. Vinegar and baking soda, baking powder, baking soda. Baking soda.

And one other thing. And bike carbon, oh, what's that blue stuff? Food colouring. Okay, Megan. Food colouring. Yeah, yeah, we do. Yeah, well, it was supposed to be red just to make it look good but we got blue food coloring to make it laugh now do you want a b or c wait your lava is blue yeah because we didn't have red it's like it's an intercollectual intergalactic intercollectic it's a space volcano It's a space volcano.

Megan, do you want A, B or C? A, because I'm the best. But what do we need to do this for? This seems like an unnecessary mess. No, because only one of them is actually the white vinegar. Oh, so what? Only one of them is going to fizz? Yep.

But will it go everywhere? What's the other one? Stop. We will. Okay. I feel like this is going to be really, really messy. Now, don't be silly, but also, so one person will win this question if they have the white vinegar. No, I got it right.

No, I know, but this is just for, just go on with the game. Jesus. One, one, one of them. Next time, wait a minute. Next time And it always happens every year There's a news article about what a mess NCEA is

Yeah It could be worse That's all I want everybody to remember Give me a break Now one of them Are we pouring the liquid onto the powder? You're pouring the liquid onto the Powder

We're not putting the powder into the liquid No don't do that Now pour it slowly One of them has wine, a pour it slowly. One of them has wine, a Chardonnay. One of them has water and one of them has white cider vinegar. Don't sniff it, just pour it. Mine's not going to

do anything. Pour it. Go. It's mine, it's mine. It's growing everywhere. Mine fizzed. Mine fizzed a little bit. Megan's dead fizzed a little bit. I won. Megan said fizzed a little bit. I've got the Chardonnay.

Can I drink it? That would be because Chardonnay has a... It tastes good. Megan, your teeth are blue. Megan, don't do this. It was yum, though. It's 7am. So wait, your exam, Caitlin, was a multi-choice where only one of us

could be right by chance yeah chances you need to learn um in science that things happen by chances fletch don't argue because today you're the winner caitlin that's the very essence of science is that things don't just happen by chance. I'm a teacher, don't argue with me. I got that right. This is exactly like when I was at school. You brought up a valid point to a teacher and they just said, I'm a teacher, don't argue with me.

That's today in NCEA class. Brilliant, thank you, Caitlin, for that pointless... There's been a little accident. No, I don't want to say accident when it comes to planes. There's been an incident, a minor... Whoopsie-daisy. A minor whoopsie-daisy. I'd liken this to, like, being in the car park.

And, I don't know, you... And swinging into the supermarket car park but taking it a bit wide. Yeah, or you open your door on a car or you let a trolley go into someone's car. Or the wind catches your door and it's like... This is like the aviation equivalent. Yeah. Well, it involves an Air New Zealand plane at LAX with a dream and a cardigan. And it's, now, hold on.

I've got written down what it is. There was damage to the elevator section of the horizontal stabiliser. Okay. Back wing bit. So they need that to fly? Is that furrier? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They need it.

And there's a picture of it and it does have a bit of a slice in it. So another plane was coming into park and sliced through it with its wing. Yeah. It's an Icelandic aircraft. So classic Viking manoeuvre there. Ran the opposition.

Is that enough to start a war against Iceland? Um, yes. I think they're nuts. Does Iceland have to pay for that? Who pays for that? They ring AMI. They ring Tower of Fame. Whoever's their insurer.

Have you had any insurance claims in the last five years? Yes. Have you ever been denied for an insurance claim? We've been denied for an insurance claim? You've been denied for an insurance claim? You've lied about having a heart attack two years ago.

Who did? That's a pre-existing. Oh, but that's a health insurance. Oh, that's different. Do they get a courtesy plane? Yeah, if they wait long enough. But those things are in such high demand that you'd have to wait a few weeks before you come in.

It'd be embarrassing too. So, yeah, just slice through. They're like, oh, well. Yeah, so they're having to fly a spare part in. It'd be embarrassing too. So, yeah, just slide straight. They're like, oh, well. Yeah, so they're having to fly a spare part in. I read from Dubai. A 10 metre long. You never,

you see them on the back of the planes, but you don't really fathom how big they are. 10 metres. So they're loaders. I'm assuming they fly it to LA, they fix it,

and then it can come home at some stage. Yeah. Yeah. And it can go home. But that's an expensive little scrape. Little ding. Isn't it?

Yeah. If a spare part has to be flown in from another part of the world. Have you ever crashed into a nice car? I've nudged a few cars in my time, but it's always been... And you always leave a note. Similar value. Oh, no, that person's always in it. Oh, okay.

Yeah, and I've been nudged in saying that. In fact, I've been nudged more than I've nudged. But those are the worst kind of accidents. Like when you do just slightly ding someone, like this, you're in a car park or something, and it ends up being so expensive for something so little. Oh yeah, like a little scrape. They're like, oh, my insurer will talk to your insurer,

and then your insurer's like, oh, so you did $8,000 worth of damage. You're like, what? How? I haven't dinged someone, but I've been dinged. And like, I had a 1980 Holden Marina and a Mercedes,

it must've been, it was new. I don't know how new, but it was a new Mercedes, tapped me on the bum. I was like, woo! But, or not literally, on my car bum. And my car was fine,

not a scratch, but when they reversed, the front bumper dropped down. Of his car bum. And my car was fine, not a scratch. But when they reversed the front bumper drop down. Of his car? Of this new car, yeah. I was like, wow, they don't build them like they used to. And this isn't like a full-on smash. No, he just tapped me because he thought I was going, but I stalled. It was my first car.

But then he was following too close. Yeah, exactly. That's the rule, right? It's always, yeah, it's your fault if you bump into someone's back. Yeah. That's good, though. That was his fault. Yeah, it's your fault if you... That's good though, that was his fault. Good luck dealing with that. Can we take some

calls of your biggest little accident? Your biggest little crash? Yeah. Small, what you thought was going to be like, oh yeah, we'll let you know how much that costs and then they get in touch and it's a few thousand bucks. And like this plane incident, like you're in it just somewhere like a car park or something. Yeah.

Or I don't know, at a giveaway or something and it's just a little ding, but it ends up being super expensive. Or you just take a wing mirror off a really nice car, but the fact is the wing mirror is going to cost a fortune. 0800DIALS.M, we'll take some calls. You can text as well, 9696. When did you have a big, little

expensive crash? We're talking about little accidents that you thought, oh, this is going to cost much. Then they turned out to be a huge bill attached. Yeah. So some of the text messages in before we go to some calls. Somebody said, you mentioned about putting a camper van into an awning.

Yep. Well, I touched the top of a bank awning with a truck, just a slight nudge. Yep. And then when I reversed out of it, the whole thing collapsed. They said that's $35,000 worth of damage. And I said, how did it come down so easy? It turns

out it was all rotten. And when I, when it came down, they took the initiative to be like, well, you did all that damage. Police got involved. It was a whole nine yards in investigation. And they found out it was rotten prior to. It was rotten. Oh. God, you'd be pissed, wouldn't you?

My wife's car was in a car park surrounded by cars. One woman pushed the accelerator instead of the brake. She hit my wife's car, so she thought that's not too bad. But she had shunted my wife's car into four other cars. So I'm imagining from the back she got hit, but it spun the car and pushed it into the cars around. $29,000 worth of damage across those cars. And to her car, there was next to no damage at all. See, these all shock us.

But if you worked at an insurance company, this would be nothing, I reckon. Nothing. Yeah. Dan, what was your worst little crash? So I was riding my old 50s style, like 1970s style step-through scooter, and I came past like a brand new Ford Falcon, and I just clipped it, but I thought I got it with the handlebar,

but it turns out I got it with the brake pedal, or the brake handle. Okay. And I put a massive gark up the entire left-hand side of it, and I had to replace every panel from the back wheel arch all the way through to the front and it was just over 8,000 volts. Whoa! That's a little scooter tap. Yeah, I had fair party insurance so it cost me $200 and cost my insurer $8,000 and I only just signed up like three months before that.

Oh, well done. Because what is the deal if you ride like one of these lime scooters and stuff or you buy an electric scooter? Is that part of your contents? Oh, I done. Because what is the deal if you ride, like, one of these Lime scooters and stuff? Or you buy an electric scooter? Is that part of your contents? Oh, I don't know. Like, liability and stuff? Oh, yeah. I don't know.

Or even when you ride a bike. I think they have public liability. Right. Oh, Lime does. Yeah, Lime will have public liability. I like how you've already looked into it. He's like, if I'm getting on one of those things, I can't have another one of those brake pedal accidents.

I hope so. Dan, thanks for your call, mate. Jasmine, what was your expensive little crash? So I had a lady back into me at the petrol station and her tow bar went through my bumper and into my radiator and it cost $3,000 to get fixed. Jeez. Literally just a tiny little back in.

Yeah, well, it was at has, like, quite a big SUV, and my little car was just, like, a little Coke can on wheels, and it just went straight through. It's the radiator. Yeah, three thousand. And was there any damage to her car? No. Her tow bar and bumper were fine.

Just needed to buffer up the tow bar. We all need tow bars on the front and back of our cars just to protect ourselves. Yeah. Like bumpers. No, those big, you know, those police, the things police have, those L.A. shit. Yeah, bull bars.

When cars, like, break down on the bridge or on the motorway, they push them. They can shunt them off. Like a train, like shunting things. Yeah, that's what we need, train shunters. Yeah. Jasmine, thanks for your call. Hearing from a few people that work at car dealerships,

of course, they were working with brand new cars, so very expensive to get fixed back to showroom ready. Quite a few text messages in from car dealerships, but I thought this one is the best. Somebody at work was moving around the new cars to fit a new one in, and they drove into the floor-to-ceiling window. The whole thing smashed,

and then the aluminium frame, because there was no glass in it anymore, fell into the showroom, landing across four cars. Oh, no. We never found out exactly how much that damage cost to repair, but it must have been in the tens of thousands, if not close to 100, by the time that four brand new luxury cars had been repaired.

I was going to say, what kind of luxury cars? Like if they were Audis or... Well, they only store the flash ones inside. Yeah, that's true. Otherwise, they're just outside on the yard getting a squirt down with a hose every day. They never put your 2002 Trader in a showroom, do they? No, they're in a great hurry to do that.

And it's not just cars. Somebody said, we were waiting at the boat ramp and a boat came in behind us and nudged us. And our boat motor went through the front of their boat and we just turned around and watched a boat sink in behind us and nudged us and our boat motor went through the front of their boat and we just turned around and watched a boat sink right behind us. When a boat nudged, I mean, the motors are hard, but maybe it hit us specifically. But yeah, they turned around and they just had to watch a boat sink

and the guy was like, oh no. The propeller would just cut through the bow. But it wouldn't be going. If you're waiting at the boat ramp, presumably to go back in because someone comes in behind you. And it would have just been a nudge. Yeah. Wow.

It was enough to put a hole in the boat and the boat sunk. Whoa. So, little accidents, big outcomes. Earlier this week, Christmas penetration hit 100%. In our segment, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Today, we're 39 days away from Christmas. 39, that's so close to a month. Because we get paid monthly. It's payday

tomorrow and that means we've got two paydays. Well, after tomorrow. Yeah, after tomorrow, one. This is why you start your Christmas shopping early. I sound like I'm one of those people that are like, I told you so, but I do tell you this every year. I know, but it just goes so fast. Not that you do Christmas shopping.

You give people scratchies. But Vaughan. No, I give them gift vouchers. Then they buy what they want. For the supermarket. That doesn't count. Also, do your family know that we get those from work? That's work's gift to us.

Vaughan, it doesn't matter if it's a re-gift. It's the thought that counts and you've showed none. No, I just ask them what they want and they'll tell me and I'll get it. So you must have said, when we've been talking about Christmas at some stage this week, you must have said that you hate Christmas. You must have said the H-word. Hey, you said you hate all the, like... I hate early Christmas.

It's too soon for you to put up your crap now. No, you said you hate all the festivities. No, but I like a real Christmas tree, but I don't have all that decoration and stuff in my house because I go away. So I'm never there. So what's the point of putting it up? No, but if you put it up now, you're there for weeks.

But it's too early. Get in the spirit. Who says it's too early? What does it say in the rule book? I've got a hard rule book of December only for decorations, so I'm not going to put them up for two weeks. Well, why are you putting these restraints on yourself? Set yourself free, babe.

You're shackling yourself. Oh, look, leave me alone. So when you said hate, I don't remember you saying it, but when you said hate, because we don't say it in our house. You've banned it. It's one of our words we don't say, like swear words and stuff. I don't imagine I would have said I hate Christmas, because I love presents. No, you said you hate the festivities.

You said all the... You hate all that festivities and... Because anyway, apparently the girls were in the car, my girls, and they were like, ooh! Because that's one of the words. Oh, my God, what have I done? Ooh! And so Sade said to me,

there might be questions when you go and get August from Kendi today. Okay. So I got August home and then she asked me a question and I pressed record on my phone. Okay. Does Fletch hate Christmas? Why, what makes you say that? Because I thought he does. Okay.

No, I don't think he hates Christmas. What if he did hate Christmas? What would you think about that? He would get cold. He will get cold? Who will bring him coal? Santa. Oh, Santa.

Is that what happens if you hate Christmas? Yeah. Coal. What is coal? Coal is just black stuff that comes out of the earth that you burn. And it's what naughty kids get from Santa for Christmas. I'm a good girl. Yeah.

Do you think you'll get coal or presents? Presents. Presents. Hope so. I hope so too. I wish Santa could be here now. You wish Santa could be here now? Yeah.

What would you say to Fletch if he said to you, Augie, I hate Christmas? He will get coal. Your warning to him would be, don't hate Christmas? He will get cold. Your warning to him would be, don't hate Christmas, you'll get cold. He is cold. Good call. Okay, bye.

Bye, Augie. That was the cutest thing ever. I'm in Santa with him right now. She'd heard people say naughty kids get cold. She thought people were saying that they get a cold. Like Santa comes into your house and is just like

sneezes in your face while you're sleeping and you're like you want to cough into your mouth so that you get a cold. Well, that makes sense though.

Colds aren't very nice. No, they're horrible. And cold like I'd much more fear getting a cold over Christmas than coal. I know, especially if you've got a holiday planned.

So she's concerned. Oh, I tell her I don't hate Christmas because I love presents. That you're in line for. No, don't just say. There's more to Christmas. Fletch. No, I love presents. The main thing we're trying to teach them about Christmas is it's not all about the presents.

It's spirit of giving. It's family. And family. And looking after people. I'm all down with that. But it's just the decorating too early, Megan, that I don't like. Well, I just want to start the Christmas spirit early, Fletch. That's all.

Right. Because it makes me feel happy. She's not getting that cold for Christmas. No. Or cold. She's getting a tube of Barocca to keep that cold right the hell away from her. I just want to go on record and say this feels like the wool's been pulled over the eyes. Like it feels like in a week someone's going to come out.

And it's because it's come from Australia. Yeah. Feels like if you're familiar with satirical Australian TV shows, like The Chaser or something are going to come out and out themselves as starting this. All the Batuta advocate. Yeah. Okay. You're so cynical. I know, I know, but just, I just want to be able to go, but I'm like that, I don't trust,

when I see something online, I'm like, okay, let me do some checks here. Yeah, run this through the old filter. Don't trust them all the time. Look at the hiccups again. But apparently, what's with you today? Apparently, there has been a recommendation to Bunnings that the order of which the Bunnings sausage is handed out

and constructed. So how would you put together a sausage? You get the bread in your hand with a napkin underneath. So just to go back, they're saying that these, because every time there's a sausage, it's a different charity that's manning the barbecue. But it's always the same barbecue

and there's rules to it and you've got to always the same barbecue and there's rules to it. And you've got to have the gloves on and you've got to wash your hands. Like health and safety. So these are the rules that have been given to them about the construction, the layering. Correct. Now, is it true that these were given to them because onions were slipping out onto the floor of Bunnings and people were slipping over on them? That seems to be the main reason. Yes.

Now, I always love it when you go to a sausage chisel and they've even got onions as an option. Yeah. Because not everybody does. Not everybody. And if you get there and they've got more than one sauce option, they're like barbecue, mustard or tomato, and you're just like all of them.

But if they have sweet chilli, I'm like, you're sold, I'll take four. In. Get in me. So now the new rules say that it has to go bread, buttered, of course. It's got to be buttered. Wait, serviette, then bread?

Serviette, bread, fried onions, sausage, sauce on top. No, I don't like that. Because the onions fall off the top of the sausage and become a slippy hazard. How many people have slipped? It's just PC madness. It sounds like PC madness. I mean, I'm okay if someone slipped,

and we should change it because we don't want people hurting themselves with a sausage. But that's not, madness. It sounds like PC madness. I mean, I'm okay if someone slipped and we should change it because we don't want people hurting themselves with a sausage. But that's not, I wouldn't do it that way. It's PS madness. Pork sausage madness. But does it matter because if it's overloaded, it's going to fall out anyway? No, because if it's underneath, it's more likely to stay in.

It's weighted down. Yeah, because they're weighted down with the sausage. Here's my hot take on this. Somebody showed me this a few years ago, maybe like five years ago. Complete game changer. I can't believe I lived my life this long without it. You go bread, onions, condiments, sausage is the last ingredient.

Here's why. If you put as much sauce on as I do, and I put a lot of sauce on, when you bite into the sausage, the sauce goes onto the upper lip, into the mustachio, and often around the nose. Yeah, right. But if it's underneath, it doesn't. But it's still going to ooze out if you've got too much sauce. But it oozes out, and it's controllable. It's not an uncontrolled squish straight into the nose.

It's an avoidable mess. The reason I want all of that on the top is because it hits your mouth first and then you get the extra like sauce and onion is the first taste. On the top of the mouth, but you want that on the tongue though. You want it closer to the tongue, don't you? No, but I just feel like it's the first thing that gets it like in there and then the sausage like dominates the flavour after that. Right.

You know? I chew my food. It kind of circulates around the mouth. I just don't think it's the same when it's under the sausage. I don't think it matters. These onions are going to fall out regardless. But there are more. No, I'm all for this.

I actually prefer when everything's underneath the sausage and the sausage is kind of the cap to the situation. You know, you go there and they've got chopped onions, like in little cubes. I'm like, no. Like diced. You don't dice the onions. This isn't a stir fry. You ring, you go there and they've got chopped onions, like in little cubes. I'm like, no. No, you can't do that. You don't dice the onions. This isn't a stir fry. You ring them, right? You ring them. You just cut them once.

100% ring them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some people are dicing their onions now, probably because you don't have to give as many away for sauce. No, that's madness. If a diced onion doesn't go as far. Because it shrinks on all four sides. How do we feel about a caramelized onion? I'm not against it.

I love the flavor of a caramelized onion. But just with like a pork sauce. It's a bit flash for just a pork pre-cooked sauce. No, but it's so. Yeah, but I'm just saying. It flashes up that pre-cooked sauce. Flashes it up, doesn't it? Right.

I mean, you're asking a bit much, but. Well, I went to a sausage sizzle and they didn't even have pre-cooked sausages. They were like legit sausages. Like you could die from them, from food poisoning sausages. No, no, no. They were like cooked well. Oh, okay. They just weren't like a sizzler or a Haller's or they weren't pre-cooked.

They weren't like a mystery meat. Like you could actually see rolling the dice. Don't come here and say you're too good for pre-cooked sausages. I will go on record and say I am too good. No. I am too good for pre-cooked sausages. I will go on record and say I am too good. No. I am too good for pre-cooked sausages. And I shan't be wealth shamed. I'm not afraid.

I shan't be wealth shamed because I choose to spend $10 on six glorious sausages. I'm not afraid to say that I'm all about a basic sausage. I'm not eating your steamed meat. Any sauce is good, right? Any sauce. No complaints. Big ones, small ones. Some as big as your head.

Big ones, thin ones. Some with skin coatings. We're all inclusive here. We're all inclusive here. Cut sausages, uncut sausages. Okay. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Still got the hiccups.

Yep. Noticed a little bit of a drop out. Yeah, it was one drop out. Mid Fact of the Day singing there. Today's Fact of the Day is that the human body is a lot of Weight Watchers points. Okay. What do you mean? If you were to eat a human body,

it would be a lot of Weight Watchers points. How many calories is in a body? Megan, I've got that exact answer for you. No, but it depends. The average person. The average person. I want to know who's the least calories out of us three. Does it depend on how much? Oh, yeah.

Well, no, you're looking at it the wrong way because if we all crashed on an island and had to eat one of us, then who would be the, you know, give us the most food? But you need like flesh, not fat, eh? No, you need a bit of fat. Well, this study started,

I was reading about cannibalism and why humans used to eat each other way back in the day and I mean some more recently. And the simple answer is it was easy nutrition. Would you rather take on a bear? Because they had no way of keeping the meat. They didn't have freezers.

Yeah. They couldn't like glad wrap it and chuck it in the deep freezer, get it out, defrost it, chuck it in the crock pot. So would you rather take on a bear or a couple of humans? Yeah, good. So they would eat other humans because they just saw them as a food source a couple of humans? Yeah, good. So they would eat other humans because they just saw them as a food source. So someone looked into how many calories. So the average man is 125,822 calories.

Wow. So if you were going to sit down, what is it, 2,000 calories a day? For a dude. For a dude, for the average guy is what you've got to eat. That's 63 days. 63 days worth of eating. Wow. At a healthy amount of calories.

Can you, I'm just bringing out my calculator. How many calories did he say again? 125,822. So, one, two, five, eight, two, two. I've already written 125,000. 125,822. Oh, my God. Are you saying I'm not 822 calories?

Thank you so much. Okay, divided by 185. Okay, so the average male human is 680.11 crunchy bars in calories. 680 crunchy bars. Yeah. I would have thought it would have been more crunchy bars. No. 185 calories per crunchy bar.

But to be totally honest, you'd be better to eat a human. Well, you wouldn't be because it's illegal, but you'd be better because nutritionally you'd be getting more. But I'm just saying if the zombie apocalypse comes and there's a bag of 600 and how many? 800. 680 crunchies. Or a human.

Go for the crunchies first. I like to think I'm really nice marbled, like, Wagyu. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a grass-fed, grain-finished Wagyu myself. No, you're not. You're a cage pig. Fletcher's sinewy. Fletcher's premium mince.

You need to be slow-cooked. You know when they say premium mince and it's not premium? You need to be slow-cooked for a whole day. Oh, yeah, you're gravy beef. What? Sorry, babe, speak your way. You know what they say premium is? It's not premium. You need to be slow cooked for a whole day. Oh, yeah. Your gravy beef. What? Sorry, babe. Speak your way. Your totally gravy beef.

I'm good for a stew and the cats? Great. So different things that make up those calories. The brain, 2,700 calories. So that's like a good day's calories. The lungs, 1,500 calories. The heart, 650 calories. Although I'd imagine she'd be a chewy beast.

That'd definitely be a crockpot date. 650 calories? Yeah. Okay. That's like a Big Mac. The upper arms. Yeah, that's three and a half crunchy bars. For the heart?

Yeah. Wow. It's so interesting putting it into like a... Perspective. Because what's a Big Mac? Oh, it says here it's 824 calories. A Big Mac? Yeah.

So the heart's like a healthier option. Well, you could probably have the heart and the kidneys. It'd be better off than a Big Mac. Do you guys ever follow like the men's health or those health accounts and they're always like, eat this instead of this. And it's like something that you always eat and then it's like, swap it out for this. A carrot.

And it's just always less calories. I see those calorie comparisons. Like, this is what 200 calories of kale looks like. Yeah. And it's all this kale. I'm like, it's too much kale. Yeah. But yuck.

We'll just have a heart instead. Yeah. Yeah. The upper arms. This is just, again, the average man. Not like a bulky dude that's looking forward to summer because he wants to wear a singlet. 7,451 calories. The thighs,

the thighs. A bit of fat though. The thighs, much like on a chicken, probably the cut of meat for me, 13,000 calories. It's because I guess they're bigger. They're a bit bigger. And the calf muscles. 70 crunchy bars for a thigh.

Does it say bum? No, I don't have on the gluteus. That'd be a tough one though, the bum, because that's the body's biggest muscle. It's where they started on that movie, Alive. Did they? I honestly think the bum would probably be okay. Stranded on a

mountain with your other rugby team, if you wanted to get into a bit of bum. That's your choice. That's your prerogative. Actually, that's a good point. I don't know where I'd start. I'd probably start. I'd start with a bum. Side cheek. Yeah. Or I would go a leg.

Okay, stop. I'd go for the human brisket later in the piece. Or a boob. Let me catch a short rib. A boob. Oh, excuse me. Be good for a pillow though. Nobody knows, isn't it? Well, everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.

And the fuselage. Everybody needs a bosom. Anyway, this has gone quite grim. I know, yeah. I can't believe we're discussing this. It's a hypothetical discussion. I hope nobody believes that we're actually turning to cannibalism. No.

God, or just that would blow my calorie count right out of the day. The only thing stopping us is the calorie count. So today's fact of the day is that the human body is worth one hell of a lot of Weight Watchers points. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- not only them, Eve, Salt-N-Pepa, Naughty by Nature, Genuine, Estelle, Shave Food Kings and hosted by Fat Man Scoop, who's crazy as ever. Fun crazy. Fun crazy. And we've got a double pass to give away tomorrow as well.

Yeah, we do. Every show tomorrow's got a last double pass. If you don't have tickets, I wouldn't leave it until Sunday because they are selling really well. So if you need tickets, you want any of the lineup info, set times, Q&As, what you can take, any transport info, anything like that, go to ZM Online. There's a really famous piece of New Zealand radio

that's done the bits all around the world. It was from, how long ago was it from? Oh. Oh, I don't know. I feel like it's getting, must be getting close to like the 10-year anniversary of this thing. Or at least like, yeah. Or more.

Or maybe even more. But it was a local radio station doing a Father's Day quiz. Small reminder, this is kind of how the original went. February 1st, trivia, answer tonight, Sunday. What do you reckon the question might be? Father's Day. What about Father might be? Father's Day. What about Father's Day? Father's Day is on Sunday.

Yeah, but what's the question? Oh. No, I don't know. Heard it. Brilliant. That's good. Even like we've heard it a lot. It's still good.

Every time I hear it, I'm always like, this is brilliant. And when it's coming to Father's Day, all you need to see written down is, what day is Father's Day? And you're like, yep, it's good. Even like, we've heard it a lot. It's still good. Every time I hear it, I'm always like, this is brilliant. And when it's coming to Father's Day, all you need to see written down is, what day is Father's Day? And you're like, yep, it's Sunday. It's good. Sunday. What's the question?

The answer is Sunday. What's the question? So yesterday, this got sent around work and somebody said, you'll never believe it's happened again. And you know, we said before, we're very cynical people. Yeah. But got suckered right into this one. Fair reverse trivia answer Answer tonight's Sunday.

What do you reckon the question might be? Friday Jams Live? What about Friday Jams? Friday Jams Live is on Sunday. Yeah, but what's the question? Oh. No, I don't know. You're close.

I just need the question. Oh, I'm not too sure. Like the answer's Sunday, but what would the question be? All I know is Friday Jams Live. Yeah, you're kind of right. I just need to know the question. The 18th? Yeah.

I just need it in a question form, though. Like, as a question. Like, maybe, like, what day is... What day is Friday Jams Live? Sunday. Yeah, so what would the question be? Friday Jams Live is on Sunday? Yeah, but if it was to be a question,

it would be, what day is Friday Jams... What day is Friday Jams Live, though? Yeah, so the answer's Sunday. Sunday? What do you reckon the question might be? What's the question? Oh, no, I don't know. You're 90% there.

You just need to give me the question. Yes, Friday Jams Live. No, no, no, no, no, no. If the answer's Sunday, the question needs to be, what day is Friday Jams Live? What day is Friday Jams Live? So if I ask you that, you give me that as the question, eh? What day is Friday Jams Live? Sunday. So the answer's Sunday. What would the question be? Friday Jams Live? What day is Friday Jams Live? So if I ask you that, you give me that as a question, eh? What day is Friday Jams Live?

Sunday. Yep. So the answer's Sunday. What would the question be? Friday Jams Live. Yeah. I don't know. No, no, no.

But the question needs to be what day. The answer needs to be what day is Friday Jams Live? What day is Friday Jams Live? I'll say the answer's Sunday. And if you can say what day is Friday Jams Live, that's what I need. Okay. Okay. The answer's Sunday.

What do you reckon the question might be? Sunday. You need to say to me, what day is Friday Jams Live? Oh, okay. The answer's Sunday. What's the question? What day is Friday Jams Live? You got it. You've got it. Somebody

made that on work time. They were paid to do that. So next time a teacher tells you mucking around is going to get you nowhere, someone fooled us all on work time making that. And you can win Friday James live tickets tomorrow morning. It's time for Last Calls, and today we're going to start with Kimberley. Kimberley, what's your story for Last Calls? Hi.

So I am 27 years old, and I've just recently found out that I've been spelling my name wrong my whole life. Wait, I missed a bit at the start. She's 27 years old. You're 27 years old? Yeah. Okay. And just found out you've been spelling your name wrong your entire life.

Yes. So your name is Kimberly? Yes. So I've always spelt it L-E-Y. This is what my mum's taught me. And Easter this year my dad gave me this card and it was

L-Y and I was like, he always spells my name wrong. So I was like, I'm not going to leave it now. I'm going to actually have a conversation about it because it's not okay. I've got a card with my little L-E-Y. So I hit him up and I was like, why do you spell my name wrong? And he's like, what are you talking about?

And I was like, it's L-E-Y, not L-Y. And she was like, what? And I was like, you always write L-Y. Yeah. And he was like, look at your birth certificate. So I hunted down my birth certificate and he was right. look at your birth certificate. So I hunted down my birth certificate, and he was right. It's L-Y. Oh, my God.

So why was mum spelling it? Are your parents still together? No, but I broke up before I was even one. So was it that dad wanted it L-Y, but mum was like, that's stupid. It should be E-Y? I have no idea. I hit her up and I was like, Mum, you do realize, like, my name's not L-E-Y? And she just laughed.

She was like, oh, yeah, I know. That sounds like it was an argument. It could be worse. Yeah. My nan found out when she was in her 80s that she'd been spelling her name wrong the whole time. What? Yeah, she's Marlene, but she'd been spelling it at the end, E-N-E, but it was I-N-E.

Marline. Marline. Marline. I know, yeah, so she had it changed. Did she? To suit what she wanted. Yeah, fair enough. All right, Kimberley, wait there.

We'll vote in a sec. Richard, what's your story for last calls? Hi there, guys. I'm going to be honest with you. That's going to be hard to beat. When I was about five years old, I was living in Thailand and I lived in a compound and hanging out with a group of friends and this bully, quite a few years older than us, he came along and started picking on us.

So I thought it might be a good idea to go and get my Batman costume on. So I run off home, five, ten minutes later, come back, and all the ruckus was actually over, so there was no need for Batman. Oh! That is the cutest story. Don't worry, guys, Batman's here. I sorted it out. What would you have done, though?

To be perfectly honest, run around in circles, letting my cape fly around. Yeah, well, capes are very intimidating. Or you could shoot them with your grappling hook. Shoot them with the grappling hook. That is... Exactly. Yeah.

That is cute. I mean, you become the bully then, don't you? If you whip out a grappling hook. Well, no, but you're Batman. He's not a bully. He's defending, isn't he? He's seeking vengeance. Okay, okay.

All right, Richard, let's vote the Tribal Council now for our favourite story. Oh, what did you do? Richard was right. Kimberly, congratulations. Nice. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan

and Megan. The podcast for more. Check out FBM ZM on Facebook.