ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 18 2019

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

Kieran Reid is on the show, Am I A Bad Person and Producer Caitlin has an announcement.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thanks Ash, good morning, welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, post-Friday jams of a few hungover, tired people this morning. Yeah. Megan. Including us. No. Not Vaughan.

I'm professional. He went home early and he had earplugs, yeah. I wore earplugs, because I value my hearing. Hey, once you lose it, you can't get it back. That's true. No, you just get one of those Maggie Barry hearing aids from the ad. Yeah, yeah. Bay of the Autology?

Yeah. Non-sponsored. I get those nice skin-coloured ones so everyone can't tell that you're a dad. You have bright orange. I've got these bright orange ones. You're not even daddy or dad with those earplugs. Yes. Dad wants to be able to hear tomorrow morning.

Right. Yeah, right. So still holding it together. Brilliant. All right, coming up on the show, we've got our in-studio Suntory Boss Coffee vending machine. Chance for you to win some prizes. Now, we'll give you a code soon

or a clue for a four-digit pin that you need to get through to win those prizes. Listen, we'll give you a code soon or a clue for a four-digit pin that you need to get through to win those prizes. Listen up for the activator. It's going to play sometime before seven this morning. The top six today, it's Princess Day.

I didn't know this until today, November 18. Happy Princess Day, Megan. Cheers to Lady Di. Princess Day. Oh. The paper's princess. Which princesses?

Just princesses in general. Okay. In general, but the top six ways to celebrate Princess Day coming up. Wonderful. Next, exciting news for the shorties. The shorties? Yeah, it's okay because I can empathise. What are you talking, the shorties? No, just short people.

Chants to get paid. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time for those new to the show and don't know how it works. I've got three news headlines for interesting, unusual, quirky news stories. And Vaughan and Megan deliberate and decide which headline we delve into and choose. Headline one today, model gets little surprise. Headline two, 74-year-old distraught.

And headline three, gay primary school teacher, 42, awarded nearly 700,000 pounds. What for? Gay primary school teacher. Do you get fired for discrimination? Awarded 700,000

pounds. I want to hear that. That's an insane amount of money. That's over a million dollars. I don't want to hear about the old man distraught. That's upsetting. Okay, well, it's not really, but okay. We go now to the UK where Matthew Alplin is 42. He was the head of a primary school in Wales.

I don't know what that accent was. I was trying to say Wales. Wales. Did you say Wales? Wales. Yeah, there you go. Is that it? Okay.

Anyway, he was found wrongly sacked from his job after he had a threesome with two 17-year-olds he met on dating app Grindr. Oh, not students. Not students, no. Oh. What's wrong with that? What's the legal age of consent to it? Well, no, it's fine because school governors sacked him

despite no criminal offence being committed. Oh, see? So the legal age is 16 like it is here in New Zealand. So what, just woo got round? Well, yeah, they must have. I don't know if maybe he was in the staff room. He's like, you'll never guess what I did at the weekend. I don't know if he'd be in the staff room saying you'll never guess what I did.

I think more no. Well I don't know. I don't know. I don't know how it comes out. Yeah I mean I just said you said teacher right? Yeah. Not principal. I just don't imagine teachers even if they had a heterosexual

threesome or a mixed threesome, would come to school. They probably wouldn't roll straight into the staff room first thing Monday morning and someone's like, I need coffee before I hit that classroom. He's like, well, I need a coffee before I hit that threesome. But, oh, have I not told you the details? Come hither. It's 7.45 on Monday morning. They hit you with the deets.

Right. Well, anyway, he has been awarded 700,000 pounds. Wow. Happened a couple of years ago, so I don't know if he's been able to work since. So maybe it's making up for lost salary and income in that time. Did you say 700? Yeah.

So 1.4 million New Zealand dollars. I would say that would involve, would involve destroying their reputation, making them unhireable. Yeah. Fall out from it. That's a lot of teachers' wages. That's all the teachers' wages. Would you have a gay threesome to get £700,000? There's

little I would do. Little I would not do for £4.4 million New Zealand dollars. Can I wait until the exchange rate's better? To have the threesome or just to exchange the money? Oh, I hadn't thought about that. Nah, because I'd want the money pretty quickly after the threesome. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Why? Well, because if you had to sit around thinking about how you'd had a threesome, it was like a lay-by, really, because you hadn't been paid yet. Also, so much worry with Brexit, Megan, and exchange rates at the moment. Well, that's the thing. I want to see if it's going to be better or worse for the pound. Yeah, right.

Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. So the TV series Lord of the Rings, is it actually called Lord of the Rings? The TV series that they're shooting here? What's it called? It won't be. Or does it not have a title yet? I don't think it's titled. It's Lord of have a title yet? I don't think it's titled.

It's Lord of the Rings Universe, but I don't think it's titled yet. So they're shooting it in New Zealand and they've been doing casting calls, but they still need, urgently, shorties because they need more hobbits. So a talent agency has literally put out an urgent call for more actors to audition.

They should try kids. Famously short, aren't they? Yeah, but kids with beards, you can always tell. Just like, that's just a kid with a beard. That's just a kid. But it's not only shorties. They need very tall people. So either extremes.

Do you have a height? Do you know what height makes you short by their books? It doesn't say. It says short, very short, very tall or ethereal. So it's hobbits. It's tall people. And hippies. Clean hippies.

So hairy people. They want hairy people as well. Yeah, they've said hairy people too. So literally they just don't have enough people because it's such a massive undertaking. They say we can never have too many faces. Now what about, do they put the hair on your feet if you don't have hairy

feet? I'd say they'd struggle to get people with enough hair on their feet. Wait, I didn't think there was going to be hobbits in this one. I thought the big thing was there was no hobbits. Well, they haven't said specifically for hobbits, I just assumed. Yeah, I think they just, well they want short people to make the taller people look taller. Well, why not use boxes and just put the camera up?

Do I have to think of everything? Oh, you've solved that problem. It's like Tom Cruise, don't they make, um... He wears thick shoes. Yeah, and he stands on a box and they hire, like, shorter co-stars. They've still said stilt walkers, too. They're still looking for stilt walkers. Megan.

This is me. Because what would they pay you if you were, but then like, how do you get the time off work as well? That'd be it. But still,

you can say you've been in a TV show, one of the biggest. And they've said featured extra roles as well with opportunities to upgrade to larger roles. So if you're a really good extra,

you might get like a line. A line. I don't think we'd pass because remember, we didn't get asked back to Shortland Street, did we, to be extras? Well, you kept looking down the barrel of the camera. I didn't know where to look. They call them on Shortland Street, they call them a barrel-er and they can tell

there's a lady and she said she knows exactly when the extras walk on, who's going to look right down the barrel of the camera and ruin it. Yeah, that was me. You can look anywhere apart from this little circle. And then I tried really hard not to look at the camera, and then it just looked like I was, I don't know. Stunned.

Yeah. Lost. He's just looking around like. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Today is Princess Day. It happens every year on November 18. Hey, happy Princess Day. Happy Princess Day.

Because you love to be a bit of a princess sometimes. Why are you looking at me? Oh, it's my brother's birthday. He was born on Princess Day. My brother's birthday too. Cute. I think we do this every year. Every year I think we do this.

And you guys are just as surprised. Yeah. Which is nice. It's like daylight savings and that happens twice a year. We're like, oh my God, it's so light. Oh, so does. Oh my God. Your brother has the savings and that happens twice a year. We're like, oh my God, it's so light. Oh, so does. Oh my God. Your brother has the same birthday.

This happens every year. So the top six ways to celebrate Princess Day. Number six, hair. Okay. Hair. Whether it's Moana, Merida, Rapunzel, Elsa or Cinderella, all princesses have bomb hairdos. Yeah, they do.

Now, that doesn't always mean that it's blonde, straight or even tidy, but girlfriend, know your look and own it. Own your hair look, regardless of what your current hair look is. Number five on the list of the top six ways to celebrate Princess Day, like a princess, sing a song to the first animal you see. Oh, that's so cool. I'm going to do that. It's Princess Day.

Yeah. And you've got to sing a lovely little song about it. And it's got to be over the top and dramatic. Yeah, wildly overdramatic. And if it's a bird, you've got to sing a lovely little song about it. And it's got to be over the top and dramatic. Yeah, wildly overdramatic. And if it's a bird, you've got to whistle to the bird. Yeah. Maybe even sing it

to your ridiculously inappropriate best friend pet. I'm looking at you, Jasmine's tiger, Pocahontas' raccoon and Moana's chicken. If I was a princess, I'd be Moana, right?

Nah, you'd be... That's so annoying. You'd be Cinderella's sister. You'd be one of Cinderella's sisters. Rude! They're not even princesses. Ugly stepsisters. Yeah.

Ouch. Nah, you'd be... God, I don't know why I come to work sometimes. Just to get absolutely roasted. You'd be Snow White. Her eyebrows didn't show up in the animation. Oh, I thought you were going to say something else. You were going to call me a pumpkin, weren't you?

No, Cinderella. That's Cinderella. No, you're princesses. Oh, yeah, you are Snow White. What a Snow White thing to do. Okay, yeah, whatever. Number four on the list of the top six ways to celebrate Princess Day. Have a father that looks nothing like you you but never question your mother about it.

That's true. Disney princesses, the father never looks like Merida in Brave. Her dad's like huge, same with Moana. Yeah. Looks exactly like her mum, nothing like your dad. Yeah. Bit of a Game of Thrones situation going on there maybe, so just to ask some questions.

Speaking of dads, on number three on today's top six ways to celebrate our princess day ignore your dad it's a classic dad I'm a princess you don't even know me

you think about it little mermaid said to Ariel listen and she was like I won't listen I'm about to do some dumb stuff

Moana would you say would be the only one that had a positive outcome but the rest of you tsk tsk but you do what you got to do. Number two on the list of the top six ways to celebrate International Princess Day. Have that outfit on lock.

Whether it's the perfect outfit to wear while learning to sail the Pacific. Yeah. The perfect outfit to conceal your true gender as you fight Mongolian hordes. It's Mulan. Yeah, I got it. Fletch didn't. Or an outfit you made yourself out of ice that you wear on the top of a mountaintop outside of Arendelle. Yeah.

Who's that? Don't know. No, you know that one. An outfit you made yourself out of ice on a mountaintop. Oh, Frozen. Yay. What's her name? Elsa.

Oh, my God. I'm actually really proud of you. Yeah, you're welcome. Two for two. And number one on the list of the top six ways to celebrate International Princess Day, do anything for the D. That's the disappointing thing about the princesses.

That's your classic Disney princess approach. You think Ariel, she gave up her voice for a dude. I saw her main mother, Ariel, gave up her voice for a guy that she didn't even know if he had a job or not. Fair call. He was a prince. She didn't know that. Oh, she didn't.

She just threw him on a boat and was like, he's pretty. I'm throwing it all away. I never need to speak again. No. Wish upon a star for a fairy godmother

because it's your only chance of getting to meet the hot dude that you saw. Yeah. Or sleep for 100 years. I mean, those are all things that these princesses did for the D. So that is today's top six.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. I've just been reading a story about TikTok, the app, the video app. It's become an outlet for sex education. So for those that don't know what TikTok is, because it is kind of a lot of people haven't heard of it. Yeah, well, it's just, it's like Instagram or any social media,

but primarily as videos. It started out, you could select a part of a song and then you could mime along to the song or do actions to the song, but it's more than that now. You can just do straight up videos. Kind of like Vine really, eh?

Vine slash Snapchat. Yeah, like a longer Vine. So it's turned to sex education because a girl whose name is Megan, not our Megan, another Megan, she said when she was at school, sex education was awful. She watched one animated video about STDs

and just how bad they were, not necessarily how to avoid getting them. Yeah. And then there was a plastic bag with a tampon in it, and that was about the extent of it at the school. A plastic bag with a tampon in it? Yeah. What was that, Leeson?

Like throw them out after? In the rubbish? Is that what you mean? No, no, no. They were like, you can't see through this plastic bag, so it's a secret shame, but that will come in handy. More than. Okay.

This is how you dispose of it. Okay. So she said now that she's older, she realizes how much of a shortcoming it was. She started making videos to put online for sex education purposes. Not dirty, not to music, not to anything, just little snippets, little bits and pieces that she reads because she said the main users of Tic Tac, Tic Tacs.

Oh, yum, now I want a Tic Tac. Tic Tac. You know, Tic Tacs, just while we're on Tic Tacs, they say that they've got no sugar in them, but it's because each serving of Tic Tac is so light, it's under one gram of sugar, even though technically it's pretty much all sugar. And if something's under one gram of sugar, even though technically it's pretty much all sugar. And if something's under one gram of sugar per serve,

you can say it's got no sugar in it. So then, but if I have the whole pack like I do. It's 100% sugar. I've had like. You've had all the sugar. Four teaspoons of sugar. Four or five teaspoons of sugar. That's sneaky, isn't it?

Very sneaky. Naughty, naughty Tic Tac. Very sneaky. But we're back to Tic Tac. She said the people that are using Tic Tac are also the people that are falling into that age of getting terrible sex advice or

education into that area. So she said it's really important to have these conversations online. Somebody else argues that if someone's doing it, it should be a professional in the area because already... Yeah, but you've heard the professionals aren't doing a good enough job.

No, no, no, no, no, like doctors. Oh, right, okay. Like a doctor, not a 19-year-old. But they've been very popular, so obviously it's resonating. Yeah, yeah. But it's also how misinformation gets spread around the internet. Oh, yeah, true, the internet. I forgot about that.

Sex education anti-vax situation on our hands. Yeah. Yeah. Which is pretty much what it is in schools already if they're just telling you not to do it because you'll get pregnant and you'll die. Yeah, we can't win, can we? No.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. At the moment, well, for the last few years, there has been an underground train loop. I was going to say network, but it's not a network. It's just a loop. The city rail loop has been constructed in Auckland. Now that has affected your

to and from work every day. You said constructed, but it's literally still years and years away from being finished. It's still under construction. Roadworks all the time. Everything's been changed. I'm just a massive fan of tunnels.

I just think it's amazing you can dig a hole through something Road works all the time. Yeah. Everything's been changed. I'm just a massive fan of tunnels. Same. I just think it's amazing you can dig a hole through something and it doesn't collapse all the time. I understand now that there's concrete and everything in there. They have these little walkways on the way to the ferry terminal and you can just look into the tunnel and almost like, I want to go there. Look what's down there.

Well, yesterday they had an open day section and probably just due to transport logistics pre-Friday Jams Live, Megan came with. Yeah, because I wanted a ride. Yeah, Megan leached a ride. Yeah, you guys were going through the tunnel, so I take the love. Leached a ride from you is the richest thing I've ever heard. It was just nice to be able to tell someone else off for leeching a ride.

No one ever tells you off for leeching a ride. But I'm cute. I can get away with it. Well, not that cute. So, yeah, it was very exciting. Not long enough to me because you got to the end of the open section. You could see all the way up Albert Street. A long straight section, but you weren't allowed to walk in it.

I don't think that's finished yet. That's why. I don't care. You just wanted to. So what would have been about 600 metres of tunnel? From like Britomart train station, if you're familiar with that, around the corner, under the new

precinct that's being built. And then up Albert Street and then turn around and come back. And Megan was not impressed. That's as thrilling as it sounds. Okay. Seriously, when you said it was so exciting Like what? Why?

Because we were in these giant tunnels Under the ground And mans and womans made them I think you said men and women Well I was going to be like It was man made As in man as in a I was being inclusive

Because I saw Some people taking photos of like the walls and it's like concrete. So I just was, I'm just like, what is it? I know, but what are you taking a photo of? It's concrete. Like I appreciate it's a big space and it was built underground, but it was, yeah.

Well, you put an Instagram up, a post. I know, but that's because we looked cute in it. It's not because of where we were so much. and infrastructure. Because you've walked another opening before, eh? Yeah, I walked the Waterview Tunnel.

Yeah, see, I didn't get to go there. That's long. That's a good tunnel. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

maybe when they finish this we'll be able to walk. Probably the Littleton Tunnel is one of my favourite tunnels. And if you had to talk tunnels that are favourites. I quite like the tunnels too when you're driving

down to New Plymouth. Oh, they're real little though. Yeah, but they're still that cool. Yeah, but also I feel like they could collapse on you

those ones. Yeah, I tell you what, have you ever been through the Kaimai Tunnel? It's a train tunnel from one side from the Waikato

over to Tauranga. Beautiful tunnel. Beautiful. Is that in your top five? Oh yeah. Okay. As a kid, I remember we went through it

on a train and it went dark and it was dark for so long. I remember thinking at one stage, are we ever going to come out of this tunnel? Anyway, I could talk

about tunnels all day but I won't. But you did, you got out of it. Megan's, spoiler alert, I got out of the tunnel. Are you online shopping?

Have you moved on? No, I'm trying to Google what do you call a tunnel enthusiast but I don't think, a loser I think. Wow. That st loser. Wow. That stings.

Wow. And you know what? You're not invited next time because we had to waste a ticket on you. There was no other person that wanted to come. Don't act like you had a queue. That's fair call. That's fair call. That ticket would have just gone in the bin.

That's true. It's always hard to find a group of seven losers, isn't it, on a Sunday morning? Oh, yeah. But we did it. We found each other. We found each other. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast ZM. So Fletch and I actually saw,

I want to discuss this busker because it's someone you see all the time, right? Well, because I live in the city, so I know all the buskers. I don't ever frequent the city because it's too much effort. No, just by like, I see them and I go, oh, yep, they're out today.

Regular, regular, regular. Yep, regular regular yep regular a regular yeah you should get a job where you talk on the radio so eloquent you're really good at articulating

there's a guy that's here all the time yeah and so we drove past and it was very exciting because I imagine this is an excuse

he gets all the time he had an F-Post machine K-Wave? I don't know. I don't imagine so because they take too much of a big cut. Yeah, but I'm not stopping

a punch in my deets. Like, K-Wave would be the far better option. But it's better at least you can donate because, you know, sometimes if you see a good performance,

you don't have, no one has coins. And I was like, oh, I don't have any cash. And they're like, well, actually, I have an F-Pos machine. But then,

as someone who has an EFTPOS, I'm just worried that what if people do like a refund in there? Can you do that? Now, I don't know if you have to have already paid from that card. To get a refund. Because you know how you go to like a shop and then you want to get a refund on, like you take something back

and they put through the money and they like swipe your card. And you they put through the money, and they swipe your card, and then you swipe it. It looks like a transaction. You're ferreting around too much with the Zeph Pals. There's going to be suspicions raised. You reckon he'd know. But he's mid-song.

He won't notice. He'll stop mid-song. He'll still be like, what are you doing? That's why you want a pay wave. I'd have pay wave set up, and I'd have an automatic $5 donation, but I wouldn't tell you that. I would have. I'd say $1.

In fact, I probably don't even need to be a busker to do this, but I'd dangle Pavewave things just from the ceiling of awnings from shops and then people walk past with their handbags and it's just boop. Yeah. Or just walk down the street with a Pavewave machine, putting it on people's purses. Yeah. It'd be like too many cards.

Do that thing. It'll be like too many cards. But that thing, it'll be like too many cards. But it's like the coffee machine at work here. They make you boop, boop, boop in yourself. And people must just go like $1, boop, boop. Oh yeah, receipt and just, everyone does it themselves. And they don't notice. No, they don't notice.

Would you notice at your cafe? No, because I boop, boop, boop myself. I don't let the customers do it. She doesn't trust anybody. Megan's cafe ripped my friend off at the weekend. I overcharged him 20 bucks. Unbelievable. And I refunded and gave them a cuddle.

That's what you get. Yeah, I know that. I don't know what's worse, the overcharging or the cuddle. I knew you were going to bring that up. Oh, it was an absolute sitter. Had to happen. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far? And it's all

thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor. Do you love free data? Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay. Hey guys, let's get back into that podcast. Producer Caitlin's reached a milestone, a qualification, I guess you'd call it.

Yes, another one. Oh, by the way, I passed my Tadeo course. Yay! Thank you. Tadeo Pai. Paki, paki, paki. Thank you. So I can now pretend to speak that when I actually don't really know that much, but still.

What was your other notch on the belt? Yes, on the bedhead. The first foot up the climbing wall of Tadeo. Thank you. What was your final exam mark? So I got 70 overall out of 100. Right. Do you still get a student ID now that you've done your...

Yeah, it's for two years, remember? Hot play. That's such a hot play. Hot play. Hot play. But this isn't Tadeo? No. So...

This isn't a surprise to Megan and I, but Fletch is a surprise, even though he's definitely been told it was happening. Never listen to me. Never. Was I on my phone at the time? Probably. You probably just didn't care about it so you put it to the back of your brain.

Yeah, because it's to do with weddings, isn't it? It is. So, guys, officially, according to Section 11 of the Marriage Act 1955 and Section 26 of the Civil Union Act 2004, I am an independent marriage and civil union celebrant. So could you, for example, could you marry me and Megan right now? Right now. I could just, oh no she couldn't. She's married.

She's married. That was how I was going to get her in trouble. I could marry you and James or you and Anya. Or you and I. I probably couldn't marry you and I. But I need to have all the papers ready to go. Like, I need to have everything. Give me, like, a couple of weeks if you want to get married. Right, okay.

Now, why did you do this? So my friend, my very good friend, is getting married in April next year. Yeah. And I've just always wanted to do it because you know how much I love love. And I love being a part of other people's love, even if I'm, like, not actually, not actually in the love. Word wheeling. Yeah. And I don't know.

It just seems like the best job in the world. And you can get paid for it sometimes. Half of them ended in divorce. So it's going to be on you if your friends break up. No, no. No, no. I'm just saying that now. The stats have gone down.

Thank you very much. 45? Yeah, because the people aren't going through with it, are they, as much? But it's because they're not married by me. Like, when I, it'll be a legally binding document, and they won't want to let me down. You're gonna be one of those marriage celebrants that has a warehouse stationary flip, um,

Filofax, um, folder. No. I'm having a chic black one that's, like, looks like leather, but it's not leather because cows. Faux leather. Faux leather. Oh, that's not tacky at all. No, it's gonna look chic. But I'm, I, the at all no it's gonna look chic but I'm the problem the only problem

and especially if I'm like marrying friends is you know how emotional I am yeah but then everyone says like when you get into that state

you're just professional and you can just hold back the tears until the very end I'm just gonna also try and not make it about me because the wedding's not about me

it's about the bride and the groom so I'll have to like tie like yeah dial that down so you're gonna get like a website and business cards because the wedding's not about me. It's about the bride and the groom. So I have to like, tile, like, yeah. Right. Tile that down. So you're going to get like a website

and business cards and all that fancy stuff? Oh my God. Okay, well, I need a name. I don't know. You've got one. Caitlin Jane Maron. Caitlin Maron.

Wedding Celebrator. But like, see, my friend Morgan's done them for years and she's married by Morgan, which sounds really cool. Oh, that's good. That's really good. We'll just go married by Caitlin.

Married by Maron. No. That sounds Maron. And, that's good. That's really good. We'll just go married by Caitlin. Married by Merit. No. That sounds Merit. And then what if I get married and then I have a different name? Coupled by Caitlin. Coupled by, well. No, but then coupled's not.

They're already coupled. They're already coupled, aren't they? Cake with Katie. Cake with Katie. No, that sounds like you're into something else. Like, I don't know. What? Cake.

Yeah. What else could that mean? I don't know. Yeah, that sounds What else could that mean? Oh, no. Yeah, that sounds like you're a baker. Yeah, it sounds like you're a baker. But I would like to offer my services to anyone that would like to get married. You can marry me for my third wedding. Really?

Yes, I promise. What about nuptials with nungas? Yeah. And you have your nungas out. My nungas nuptials. Again, it's not about me. Yeah, okay. Nuptials your nungas out Nungas, nuptials Again, it's not about me Yeah, okay Nuptials with nungas

No, thank you That's a bit That's a bit over the top But aren't you worried That your whole All your Because you know A friend of the show

Matty McLean does A lot of weddings He mostly has friends But every weekend He's like Oh, I'm off marrying someone I'm like That's your weekend

No, but that's all I want to do. There's nothing greater than seeing two people in love. That you don't know. Have you had a sleep in? I don't care. Have you tried a sleep in and doing whatever you wanted on the weekends? No, it's all, oh, I'm so excited about this. You can have a sleep in and still marry someone.

They don't get married a lot either either. And then imagine if they invite me to the wedding and then I'll make cute groomsmen. No, I mean, I will be a professional. I will be a professional. I will be a professional. Who's the celebrant? She's in the bathroom with Brad Nungan's wife. Brad.

The celebrant's gone to the bathroom with the grandfather of the groom. Okay, settle down. She's a gelf hunter. This is not selling me very well. Stop sleeping with people's granddad. I've never slept with anyone's granddad. Let's say that right now.

I haven't, I promise. How do we know? Because I promise. There'll be somebody's granddad one day. One. Anyway. If you want to get married, producer Caitlin, she's open for business Oh

Nugget What did you say Nuncheels with nuggers Yeah Nuncheels with nuggers Yeah Open for Flesh, Vaughan and Megan

The podcast ZM I don't want to flex guys But you know I'm a Dyson influencer Okay Yep You didn't want to

But you did I didn't want I just had to put that out there That you know About a year ago I Had the new Dyson influencer. Okay, yep. You didn't want her, but you did. I didn't want her. I just had to put that out there that, you know, about a year ago I had the new Dyson on Instagram. The V10. And then now they've got a V11 and they didn't offer me an upgrade. Oh, rude. And so now, like, people have V11s and I'm like, well, I'm a nobody now.

I've got a V11. I know. Now, Vaughan's got a V11. I've got your old Dyson with the tube and the, like, drag it along the ground with the cord Yeah because I had one of those and then they gave me one So I was like well I'll do charity So I gave it to my poor friend Megan

And so yeah I'm a Dyson influencer So but anyway at the moment Doing some little minor Renos in the apartment Because the ceiling needs to be painted That's how it all starts we were supposed to be doing minor renos too Been living in an outside room for months Yeah His whole apartment looks like a Dexter Kill room That's how it all starts. We were supposed to be doing minor arenas too. Been living in an outside room for months.

Yeah. His whole apartment looks like a Dexter Kill room. Yeah, to put plastic sheets up between the kitchen and the lounge. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I don't want the dust going in the rooms and stuff. Anyway, so I'm doing a little bit of sanding over the weekend. Dust everywhere. So I'm like, I don't want to use my Dyson because I didn't know this. But when you suck up sanding and jib board plaster and stuff

it actually burns out the engine. Oh, it's no good. The dust is so fine. Yeah, ask me how I know that. Yeah, I ruined a vacuum cleaner once. Because nobody tells you these things. So I was like, you know what, I'm not going to ruin my Dyson because I'm an influencer and where would I be without

my Dyson? So I thought, I'll go to Kmart and buy the cheapest vacuum cleaner they have. So I went there and got a $49 vacuum cleaner. Is this this one that the mum's groups on Facebook went on about?

I don't know, but it was pretty good. But you know, it'll be absolutely screwed by the time I'm finished with it. Do you think they'll give me a refund on that? No.

Probably shouldn't talk about it on air, eh? If you could take it back and make it look like you had vacuumed up plaster, maybe. And I find shops like Kmart and the warehouse, they don't ask too many questions because they do know that they're not dealing with a high-end product.

Yeah, so they don't care. Anyway, I mean, it doesn't matter because it's a $50 vacuum cleaner. It's fine. But anyway, so I had that from Kmart. I went down. I was with my friend. We went to the supermarket, and I put it on the side while I was buying some stuff.

And this woman says to me, she's like, oh, only a man would buy a vacuum cleaner from a supermarket. And I was like, oh my God, do you know I'm a Dyson influencer? I don't understand. Because you know how they buy all those, they sell those cheap like heaters and jugs and like rice cookers at supermarkets and you can buy the odd appliance.

It's double sexism. It's double, yeah. Because she's saying men are terrible at making decisions and women are the only ones that should be trusted to buy household appliances. I know. It's double sexism. I know, I am a little bit offended as well.

I mean, she wasn't wrong. It was a cheap appliance. Just was from Kmart, not Countdown. Yeah. But I was just a bit like, well, I don't know what to say to them. And I was like, yeah, I don't know. I just love a clean house or something. I don't know what else to say. That's what I said. God, I just, but I could

never imagine Sade buying anything from the... It could be literally exactly the same product. But with a flash name on it and she wouldn't... Yeah. She'd go for the flash one. Or a flasher box. She'll pay more. Yeah. She'd pay more

just to buy it somewhere that sells those sorts of things. I know, because even for the 2,200 watt was an extra 20 and I was like, maybe I should just get that one because it's more sucky.

But then I was like, no. No, this is the one... And it still worked. It worked perfect. Right. Like it was all spotless afterwards. Maybe she should be looking

into cheaper vacuum cleaners. You know, 70 cents to the dollar. She doesn't earn as much as the. Maybe she should be looking into cheaper vacuum cleaners. You know, 70 cents to the dollar. She doesn't earn as much as the men. She should be looking at cheaper vacuum cleaners. This is true. That's what I should have said to her. Yeah, enjoy it. No, because then you would have been playing a game.

Then you would have been playing a game. I don't know. There's no winning. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. He has a new book and it's out in time for Christmas and this has got Dad written all over it. It does. Dad would love to read it.

It's straight eight. The man is Kieran Reid. Good morning, Kieran. Hey, good morning. How are we going? Good, mate. Good. Good.

What are you doing with yourself apart from promoting your book? What's your pre-Christmas plans? Relaxing or? Yeah, basically, yeah. Trying to get a bit of time in with the family. Just trying to enjoy a bit of time in with the family, just trying to enjoy a bit of Kiwi sunshine. I'm actually heading back up to Japan before

Christmas. Got to play some footy up there next year. Okay, nice. Yeah. Because we thought you were going to be retired now and we were like, you've retired at 34 and that's younger than all of us and we're like you've got it sorted. Nah, you're back into it

Nah, I am, I'm playing two seasons up in Japan, I'm signed for so back up there to play and then I have to figure out what the real world does and tells for me It's a horrible It's a horrible place Stay in your rugby cocoon

as long as you can I know, but the body just doesn't let me though. So is Japan a little bit easier on the body for the rugby? Because I would have thought so because in my mind you would be playing against like five-foot-tall Japanese men. But you're not. It's a real hub, isn't it, for international rugby now? Oh, yeah, as you've seen in how Japan won the World Cup too, like there's

good players there. The level, I think, is a little bit down on Super Rugby and it's the length of the season is probably the more enticing thing. It's a short season, so you're not smashing yourself all year, so that's probably the best thing about it. So are you and the family

moving to Japan or are you just going to go up there and trip back or? Yeah, no, the whole family's coming up so they'll be up before Christmas once school finishes and yeah, so looking forward to a totally different kind of environment up there and to have the family

for a year and yeah, see what happens. That's going to be an awesome experience for the kids and just like for yourself as well, kind of doing the OE to Japan. It is a little bit, eh? So basically, you know, we've been in our cocoon here in Christchurch the entire time.

Yeah, for the kids to look back on, I guess when they're a bit older and know that I've had a bit of a tour around the world is going to be pretty special. Yeah. So your book is quite, obviously it's out now and it's quite fresh off the printer because

you speak about post Rugby World Cup. Yeah, 100%. Just pick it up on all good bookstores. I'll plug it in right there. It was written right up to basically after that last game in the World Cup. Me and Sumo

finished it off right then and then basically got sent straight to a printer. So yeah, it's got everything that happened in the World Cup in it and across the whole career as well. Is it a bit punishing having to be in public and people say stuff to you? Like, I'd just be like, oh, leave me alone. Look, mate, you probably have been,

I've been through that through my career, but to be honest, there hasn't been one single negative conversation I've had. Like I was at the AMC show down here in Christchurch yesterday and there's so many positive messages from people and just photos people still want. So I don't know that worse or better, but it's been pretty awesome and pretty humbling to see the response from everyone here.

Yeah. Awesome. Well, we look forward to reading the book, Straight Eight. As you say, it's in all good bookstores today. So congratulations on the book and good luck in Japan. Am I a bad person? Okay, this is where we have correspondence from someone who needs help on deciding on whether or not they're a bad person.

I think this person is about to be roasted. It is a situation with their boyfriend. The email reads, Hi FVM, I need your help on an issue I've got with my boyfriend at the moment. We've been dating for just over two months and his sister is getting married mid-next year. Okay. The thing is I haven't been invited to the wedding.

My boyfriend is going to be a bridesman and I haven't even been invited as a plus one. I wouldn't say I'm close to his family yet, but we see them pretty rigged. I can't say that word. All the time. We see them all the time. We see them all the time at family dinners. Yeah. Am I a bad person for not only wanting to go to the wedding, but also being a little

offended that I wasn't invited? You've been going out two months. Yeah. Now, you've had a couple of weddings. Vaughn, you've had one, and you're paying per head, and it is not cheap per person. I was pretty ruthless as well. Like, unless you know the couple together and they're married then you don't

you don't get a partner you just get a single invite yeah and you sit all the singles at a table and they have to just talk but I see what she means the wedding is mid next year

so they probably would be dating for like what seven eight months eight months and then you at that stage you might expect an invite but like yeah

why don't you wait and then what's this guy's history like with girlfriends? Yeah, does he get through them? Every two, three months, and then he gets a new one, and the family know that if they... Maybe that's what the sister knows, yeah. They don't want her and all their wedding photos for life?

That's what I was going to say too. That's your responsibility if you go to the wedding to opt out of those family photos. Get one with, but make sure they get one without you. Yeah. You have to do that. Cause, it's not long enough.

I, yeah, that's, that's, I've done that even though I've been a fully fledged member of families. Yeah. Um, I've opted myself out and taken out other people.

Yeah. Yeah, right. Let them have a, just, just immediate family. immediate family, no partners.

Yeah. Interesting though. I think she's a, I mean, not necessarily a bad person. It might sound a bit rough, but calm down. Who cares if you're not going? You'll go to another wedding. You might have your own one day as well. You'll have lots of weddings.

The other thing is if you go and he's in the bridal party, you're alone. Do you know what I mean? So if you don't know anyone else too well. Yeah. And then you pass the time by drinking. And then you're having a spill on the dessert platter. I don't think I'd go if I didn't know anyone else at the wedding.

I've done that before. Yeah, find a way to keep yourself busy. Eating. You become a videographer or drinking. Yeah, you hang out with someone's mum. Yeah. It's good times. Yeah, get talking to old people.

Producer Caitlin, what do you think in this situation? It's not, people forget who these weddings are about. Like, if I was the bride of that wedding, I wouldn't want some random girl there that I didn't know. What if she'd been going out with your brother for, at the time, eight months? I wouldn't have met my brother's partner after eight months, I don't think. Unless they were like straight into it,

going to get married. But she says she sees him pretty all the time. Regularly. Regularly. Oh, no, it's weird. I don't know. I'm not. James, producer James, what do you think?

Yeah, I don't know either. It's a tough one. Shit, he's good. Sl Yeah, I don't know either. It's a tough one. Shit, he's good. He's good. He's right. He's right. He's right. It is a tough one.

It's a man of few words, but when he does speak, it's succinct. He's a non-judgmental, very articulate man. He is. Okay, so we want to know what you think. I'll wait for you at Dials at M and text as well, 9696. But also, I want to hear from those people that have been in this situation. Maybe you had a wedding and then you got hate from your siblings or your friends for not inviting their partners.

Because people love it when people give them shit about who they're inviting and who they're not inviting. Yeah, because it's not your wedding. The bane of your existence, having had two every time. Okay, so the numbers to call, to get in touch, 0800 DARS at M. Am I a bad person for not only wanting to go to this wedding

of her potential sister-in-law after two months of being with this guy? Am I a bad person? Well, if you missed it just moments ago, the correspondence, am I a bad person? I've been you missed it just moments ago, the correspondence, am I a bad person? I've been dating my boyfriend for just over two months. His sister is getting married mid-next year. She has not been invited to the wedding.

Her boyfriend's going to be a bridesman, and she would like to know if she's a bad person for not only wanting to go to the wedding, but being a little offended that she wasn't invited. Wow, surprise, surprise. People have quite a strong opinion on this one. Amanda, what do you think? I'm not going to lie. I think she should just chill out about it. I don't know.

Just calm down. It's not her family. It's two months, isn't it? If you're going out with someone, two months is not that long, is it? No, not at all. Two months is not enough for a Ty to make a deal over this. Like, if you haven't said I love you, especially, like, I don't know. That's not very deep in.

Yeah, no, not at all. I think she should get over it. But then even by the wedding, eight months, like, if you don't get invited to a wedding, it's not a big deal. But they could invite her further down the track later on. Yeah. Or invite her to, like, the reception afterwards, right? Or drinks.

Or just a ceremony. Yeah. Because they don't have to afterwards, right? Or drinks. Or just a ceremony. Yeah. Because I don't have to pay for that. Oh yeah, true, true. Or just get them to come and pick them up later. That'll go down well. So hey, Amanda,

thanks for your call. Savannah, what do you think? Is she a bad person? Oh, I do kind of get where she's coming from. Like I would feel pretty left out if my boyfriend got to go to a wedding and his sister

never invited me. You know? But you... Not even as a plus one. But what are... You've only just going... You've been going out for two months.

Like, even though it'll be eight months on the wedding, that's not... Like, you can still understand that it costs them money per person. Yeah, but you know,

like, I'm trying to be a part of their family too, I guess. Like, just because I've only been with them for two months, I still want to hang out with them'm trying to be a part of their family too, I guess. Like, just because I've only been with them for two months, I still want to hang out with them. It'll be a bit of fun. Right.

You think the family should make the investment too in your future? Exactly. I mean, like, you're saying, yeah, see, it sounds to me like this guy goes through girlfriends. And then they don't, after two months, they don't see it as lasting. Because if they did, there'd be an invite. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. There's a text message that kind of stacks up with that. Thanks, Savannah. I didn't invite my brother's girlfriend to our wedding because he was on Tinder a lot and had these sorts of hot burning relationships all the time. Yeah. I was right. He had two more between the invites going out and the wedding.

Hot burner. A hot burner. Your family know, don't they? They know. They know. They call it. I'd imagine mum would be in the air being like, don't give them a plus one. Just wait. This relationship is just about passionate sex. Your brother just likes to

sex. But at some point there's got to be, you know, the one. Unless they're just not going to settle down ever. Yeah. She might be the one that's going to change him. But still, save a bit of cash. How many are they going to settle down ever. Yeah, but... She might be the one that's going to change him. But still, save a bit of cash. How many are they going to be? They can come to the next family wedding. Yeah, because your brother just loves sex.

He gets that from his father. Oh, your father's a right horned dog. I would imagine if your mum said that, you'd be like, goodness. Interesting. Somebody asks a very important question. Okay. Is it an open bar and a smorgasbord?

Yeah. Because then I can see why she'd be ticked off for not being invited. How good is a buffet and an open bar And a smorgasbord Yeah Because then I can see Why she'd be ticked off For not being invited How good is a buffet And an open bar At a wedding Personally

If you didn't know The people that well Why would you want All the expense You'd have to get A new dress Or you might even Have to travel for it

What a hassle Somebody said I got asked to go To a wedding Very early in a relationship And it was awful I got bombarded With family questions About marriage and babies.

So just don't. Yeah, no. Horrible. Somebody else said, I broke up with my boyfriend when he wouldn't take me to a family wedding after being together two years. Oh, okay. That's a sign. So I think you need to calm down.

I remember my husband's brother asked me to his wedding after a couple of months and Andrew said to him, can you not? Like, I don't, don't ask, you shouldn't be asking her yet. I'm trying to keep her. I don't want her to meet the family yet. No, I was saying. I think Andrew was trying to save you from his family.

I was like, he's trying to make sure he actually wants to stay around. Yeah. And a wedding photographer messaged in saying there's always a tag along. Every wedding that thinks they need to be in all the photos when they've only been on the scene a few months. Oh no, you have to opt out of those family

photos. Yeah. And if they don't know, it's somebody's job to be like, just the family now. No partners. If it's meant to be, you'll be in lots of family photos. Even just all the married partners, just get lots of options because marriages don't last long these days.

So, you know, get all your brothers and sisters partners out as well, just in case. Like, it's the options. Yeah. Take lots of photos. It saves the Photoshop later. Lots of photos. It really does.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Megan. Yes. Megan, at your cafe, do you wear a chef's uniform? Yes, I do. What does your chef's uniform consist of? It is a chef's jacket. Is it black or white? Yeah, I have a black one because I think it's more chic

and it doesn't get as dirty looking. Well, that was why they were originally white to indicate how clean the chef was, a clean person, but they get dirty easily. They get really. Yeah.

So question, because they have different colour buttons and what do the different things mean? Do you know that? Is that a thing? I think you're thinking of a military uniform. They all have black buttons, don't they?

Even the white ones. I thought they were different. I thought I've seen different colours. What does that mean? What have you got? Pants-wise. I just wear gym tights. Oh, man, you're breaking all the rules of a traditional chef's uniform.

Yeah, I don't like those. That would be a white double-breasted jacket, pants and black and white houndstooth pattern and an apron. Houndstooth? I thought it was like stripes. No. And then crocs. Don't wear those either. And of course, up on the

top of the head, a toque blanche. One of those little like flat top hats? No, the ones that have got a band and then a poof on the top. Like the Swedish Muppet on the Muppet. The Swedish Muppet on the Muppet. Like a traditional higher chef's hat.

Well, those have 100 folds in them. Do you know what that 100 folds has any relevance to? A croissant. No. You're out of guesses. You do have to fold the pastry a lot in a croissant. Well, apparently the 100 folds in the chef's talk are to represent the amount of ways a chef knows how to cook eggs.

A hundred ways? Apparently. How are there a hundred ways to cook eggs? I've also Googled this. Scrambled, poached, over easy, fried. I'm out. Boiled egg. A coddled egg.

What's a coddled egg? A coddled egg is a lightly or gently cooked egg. Well, that's, okay. An omelette, fried egg. Onsen tamago, which are hot spring eggs. They're traditionally slow cooked in the world of hot spring. No, that's just boiled eggs. In a different way.

Do you reckon onsen hot pools in Queensland will let me take a couple of eggs along? Onsen? Japanese will let hot pool. If you can get a book, eh? Yeah. Take a couple of free range eggs and slow poach them while you're grabbing your picture from behind. That's what you do. You get a picture from behind. Just imagine chlorinated eggs.

Scrambled egg, a poached egg, a basted egg, shrewd eggs, which are like baked eggs. There's lots of ways. Buttered eggs. Oh, you're stopping now, aren't you? You're not getting anywhere close to 100. Chinese steamed eggs. But again, that's a steamed egg. Creamed eggs. Okay. Croquette madame, which is a cheese, cheese.

Oh my gosh. Okay, so that's a cheese toast with an egg on top. Croque monsieur, but the madame has an egg on top. Deviled eggs. Okay. Egg, egg beruji, egg curry, egg butter, egg fouillon. Oh, yum. Egg in a basket.

Egg foo-yong's an omelette. Yeah, these aren't different ways to cook them. These are different recipes. That doesn't count. It's like egg fried rice. Stupid hat. Stupid hat should have five folds in it. And go home, hat, you're drunk.

Yeah, boiled, fried, scrambled, poached. Boiled, fried, scrambled, poached. Done. Four folds. That's it. Easy. Boiled fried Scrambled poached Done Four folds That's it Easy Boiled poached Scrambled fried

All of those recipes I feel like they all fit into one of those Well no These are different things They can do with the eggs And that's what the hat folds are for So today's fact of the day Is the white folds

In their The white hat of a chef Is to represent How many different ways They know how to cook eggs Fact of the day Day Day Day Day the white hat of a chef is to represent how many different ways they know how to cook eggs. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Jueves rancheros. Oh, I love that. That's a good, that's a Mexican egg. But that's just scrambled egg, isn't it? No, it's more of a poached, isn't it? It's poached in like a tomato-y bean. Yeah, salsa. What were the eggs I had in Mexico?

Because they were, I don't know. Just scrambled? Yeah, maybe you just had scrambled eggs in Mexico. I'm going to look up what scrambled eggs is in Espanol. Carry on. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. The third Friday Jams happened yesterday. Yeah.

Started three years ago. And the third one was yesterday. Three people, and just keeping to the rules of three. Yep. Who had a heck of a great time. Join us now on the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, hello. Thank you, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan.

Yes, a little bit cuter the day before today. Katie has a special request here. What is that, Katie? I'd love a GoDaddy. Oh, James! Now, for those that maybe this time of the day, we don't normally do the GoDaddy on the show, but James, the producer, you've got a renown for a very deep voice. Well, normally it's at about

6am in the morning. It's only just us. But, I mean, we're right in the middle of Friday, James. I've had a couple of drinks. I don't know if a GoDaddy is appropriate. It's only just us. But, I mean, we're right in the middle of Friday jams. I've had a couple of drinks. I don't know if a GoDaddy's appropriate. It's a special request, you know? You'd like this very much? I'd love a GoDaddy. Okay, alright. Well, let's have... James, when you're ready.

James, the producer. Do you need a countdown? Just a bit of silence. It's going to be so low I don't think we're going to be able to hear it under the bass of the speakers. You give me a countdown, then I'll... Three, two, one. Go, Daddy. Literally, I'm three feet away. I couldn't hear anything. It was so low.

I felt the vibrations, but I didn't hear them. Would you like it again, but louder? Were you happy with that? It's kind of strange if I go louder. Is that a different kind of circumstance if I go louder? Perhaps, yeah. Try. Go Daddy! Yes! Wow. So what was that like getting a Go Daddy in the flesh? A Go Daddy live is quite good. I love it. I feel weird. I don't like this. This has been quite a weird experience, hasn't it? But you're welcome. Thank you.

Thank you. I've come up for Wellington from this. It was worth it. All that travel. Yeah, thank you. All right, we're live at Friday Jazz, which was yesterday, but it's today. It's weird. We're from the future, but you're welcome.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. There is new rules if you're a renter. And it's always important you know the rules and know your rights when you're renting and also when you're a landlord to know your rights on the other side of the scale. This is good, though, what they're proposing, what they're looking to bring in. So it will stop rent increases happening more than once a year. Oh, that's good. So not every six months you won't hear from your landlord going, hey, so that place that you've like fully settled into,

it's going to cost you another 50 bucks a week. And I'll talk to you in six months when it's going to cost you another 50 bucks a week. It's going to be limited to once a year that it can happen. Also something else that's good, because I remember when you were looking for a flat, like the bartering that happened or like the bids, like how much do you want to pay for this flat a week?

Yeah. And people try to outdo each other. That's going to be outlawed. That's always been shady, but as long as it wasn't said, people were getting away with it. And it'll still happen, you'd imagine. Property managers would say,

well, you know, they're asking for 500, but you know, if you want to be taken seriously, maybe what you need to do is a little bit more. So they're banning the solicitation of rental bids by landlords. Yeah. Does that include because sometimes you go there and people will win the houses because they can pay like six months in advance? Yeah.

Or they're just like, we'll just pay an extra 50 a week kind of thing. So that gets rid of that. That's good. Yeah. And the other one was free cats. What? Free cats. No.

But then that was one proposed, right? Like no pets or something? No, no, no. You couldn't say no to someone based on the fact that they had pets. So you'd have to find another reason and then you couldn't say it was a cat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like cats? I love cats.

Yeah, I saw the way you looked at the hot water cupboard. It freaked me out. Yeah. You can't have this one. No, you can't end a tendency for no reason. Oh, you've got to have a reason. You can't just be like, see ya. Oh, why?

I said, see ya. Yeah. So, yeah, I don't know exactly what reasons constitute. All good rules, though. Yeah. Zedien's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give Zedien's Bree and Clint a listen too?

Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Hit music, lives here. ZM.