ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 20 2018

Episode Date: November 19, 2018

Vaughan had a check-up, Today In NCEA and when did you lie on your CV?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. A chilly start. Do you want to know the coldest place in the country at the moment? Yeah. Topol.

0.8 degrees. What? This morning, Auckland with the high temperature of 10.4, the wettest in Vikargal, the windiest Queenstown. Queenstown was getting some big, big flaky snow bits yesterday. Oh, those, yeah. Saw pictures of friends down there in the snow. Crazy.

And then a mate of mine in Wanaka said they got nothing but rain. So localised. So local rain. So localised. So localised. So localised. What do you call it? A microclimate. Microclimate, yes. But no, no, it's just cold and wet.

Yeah. And wet and cold. Do you know what? Do you know what I saw on the drive to work? Because it's getting a bit lighter. And I was like, that star, oh, not great lighter. And I was like, that star. Oh, not great photos because I was driving.

I was like, that star is too bright. When the sun rises this close, you don't see lights. And I looked and looked. You can see this little white dot here above the streetlight. Well, that's a plane. No, it was a Chinese satellite. I looked it up on Skywalk. On that Skywalk app I've got, also while driving.

What are the Chinese doing? Are they listening? Ni hao, if you are. Tracking your ride to work. But look, it's way too bright to be a star, because you look like there are lights coming up there. It's a cloud. No, no, no, that's a cloud, Megan,

but there's a little light down here. So I looked it up on Skywalk. It's like the only thing in that part of the sky was a Chinese satellite. I was like, you're bright. Very bright. Right. Okay. Well, if you've seen a bright looking star, it's not a star.

Yeah, it's like an easty, southeasty, easty. But it'd be gone now, won't it? Because then they go around real fast. Yeah, well, I noticed it moved a little bit. I always get excited when Vaughn's like, you'll never guess. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, and then it's something shit.

Would you have guessed? No, you wouldn't have. I wouldn't have. You wouldn't have guessed. No, not really. The top six is coming up. The top six tricks they missed in Monopoly for millennials. I heard there's a Monopoly for it.

There's a Monopoly for everything. Yeah. What? You're just laughing at your stumbling. Yeah. Monopoly for bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl bl. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

I've got three news headlines. Vaughn and Megan pick one of the following three headlines. Headline one, a what, says Minister. Headline two, latest accessory just in time for Christmas. And headline three, teacher does chemistry lessons at home. Drugs number three. Yes. Making drugs.

Was that the chemistry teacher making drugs? Yes. A little Walter White-esque vibe to it. Yeah. One of the ones that just in time for Christmas, I think it was two, is that the Christmas lights that go in the bed? Yeah. How many times do you?

Lots. Lots of times I've been tagged in that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. All of them. Okay. Little mini, like, fairy lights for your bed. Yeah.

Even I told you about those this morning. You're like, yeah, cool. But you kind of, you made it sound like that. for your bed. Yeah. Even I told you about those this morning. You're like, yeah, cool. But you kind of, you made it sound like, oh, wow. You made it sound like that was the first time

you'd heard about that. Yeah, that's a special gift I've got. So story one then. So one, I guess. A what,

says Minister. We go to Japan where Yoshitaka Sakurada, 68. I apologise if I'm not saying that correctly. I feel like you did. He is a government minister. Now, his portfolio is he's the minister in charge of the Olympic and Paralympic Games that Tokyo will host soon in 2020.

But he's also the deputy chief of the government's cyber security strategy office, which you'd imagine is that's a pretty big deal. Yeah. Now, I'll show you a photo of the minister. There he is there. 68. You'd never think they'd age so well. Aging very well.

Gracefully. But he's 68. And there's been some outrage or some astonishment, you'd say, in Japan, because he has admitted as the minister in charge of cybersecurity at the strategy office of never using a computer in his professional life. He said since the age of 25 when he's been working,

he's just instructed his receptionist or... Right to type and to do all of his computer work. Shit for him. But that's all right. It is. But he was asked about USBs and he had no idea what a USB was. Oh, okay. That's what's really got people going. Because he was asked about security and, you know, what about USBs?

You know, they can be removed. Security-wise, he's like, what's a USB? But it's not okay, really, because everything he needs to do on the computer, he's like delegating to someone else. Therefore, everyone else is doing his work. As long as he's hiring the right people. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, he was asked, the question about the USB was whether they were used

at Japanese nuclear facilities. USB sticks. Yeah. Because, you know, that's obviously an important, you know, they don't want Russia hacking their right, you know.

Yeah. Nuclear facilities. Getting in there with a USB stick. It's just like, huh? What are you talking about? A what? But that's what always happens on spy movies.

They always chuck a USB in. Yeah. And then have to delay the people while it loads or onto or takes off. And they're coming quite quick, downloading, downloading. X is granted. And then the door opens and they spin around but it's all gone and you didn't expect it to be. Yeah.

No one ever gets caught downloading the USB in the movies. Or like they yank it out and hide again but never does it pop up on the little computer screen a USB device was incorrectly removed and that would raise eyebrows. Yeah, it would. Okay. How long has he been in charge of cyber security?

It doesn't say but it seems like he's been Because I think in government here you know when your party gets voted in and you've got to fill all these portfolios. Like I'd want one just because it's more money. But then they're like, which one? And I'd be like, I don't know, just give me what's left over. And they're like, you're in charge of fisheries.

And I'd be like, I hate going on boats. And I don't know anything about fisheries. I don't mind chucking it off the rocks. Well, it's like, do you remember when Mark Zuckerberg testified to Congress and all those old mates who were like 70? Yeah, they had no idea. They had no idea what they were asking him. And they were literally reading out questions that somebody else had written down for them

and they had no idea. Yeah. Kind of the same thing. Yeah, right. Just old mates. F.M. Now, honestly, boxes and pick your own berries are part of New Zealand summer folklore, aren't they? Oh, going to Nelson, we went to Nelson every, like, New Year's and Christmas.

And you'd pick your own berries. You'd pick the berries. Raspberries. Blueberries are my favourite to pick because you don't need to bend over to do it. No, but I can't eat too many of those. Blueberries. Raspberries and strawberries, you can eat heaps. At least you're doing, like, squat When you're eating You know picking strawberries

Oh no Because I do a full bend To the back I'm going to get a sore back I'm just being bent over Raspberries you don't need To bend over as much They're more of a shrubby situation

But your hands get attacked Because of the prickles Yeah yeah yeah You've got to be very careful Blackberries Boysenberries Blackcurrants Yeah they always get

Do blackcurrants have prickles? Yeah I think so I think so. I think so. Do they? So a Fuhunganui berry farm has temporarily shut down the PYO, the pick your own, service because people are taking advantage. Okay. Like eating too many when they're doing it.

Megan, it goes further than just eating too many. It's people filling up, being given their ice cream containers because you've got a sanctioned container. They'll fill it. They'll sneak back to the car, empty it into another container at the car, do that a couple of times, then pay for one container, but they've effectively got three.

No, that's cheeky. I never even thought about that, considered that. Do that a few times and then slip the containers together and then just pay for one container with two empty ones underneath it, you know, an ice cream container, slip into each other, and effectively rip off the people doing this. Because they expect that you're going to eat some because there's only so many you can eat.

Yeah, before you get a sore tummy. Before you ruin it for yourself. Yeah, and you won't be able to eat the few kgs you've actually picked to take home. Yeah. So they estimated the Boswells, they've owned this for a little while, but not since it opened. They bought it. They have estimated that they've lost 60 kgs of strawberries so far.

Oh. Because what's a little punnet you get at the supermarket? Like 300 grams? Yeah. You get those 250 gram punnets, eh? Wow, that's a lot. They're like a little wee punnet. You the supermarket? Like 300 grams? Yeah. You get those 250 gram punnets, eh? Wow, that's a lot. They're like a little wee punnet. You get those bigger ones around Christmas.

Yeah. That's a lot of Torbys. Yeah, it's a lot of Torbys, all right. They reckon at $600 value for that's just straight strawberry, if you get it straight from the source, you'd pay more than that at the supermarket. And, of course, they could make more money off that depending on shortages.

But it's already cheaper when you pick your own. You can get like a bucket for 10 bucks. I know. Like you don't need to rip it off. You're eating a KG. Exactly. It's already ridiculously cheap. It's already cheap.

Yeah. But they also, somebody was, so they fenced off a specific area because the rest of, you know, got a salon and it's close to the cafe. Right. So they can keep an eye on it. Right. But somebody pulled up the temporary fence in the Waratahs and laid it down and went further afield into the other strawberries that the professional pickers pick and then they sell into the market.

People are just scummy, eh? You're just not going to be allowed anything nice soon. We're just ruining everything. Walking in the rows and everything and you're like, oh, yeah, it's a strawberry. Oh, over the other side of that fence, there's four strawberries that haven't been picked yet. I'm going to get over there. I'm going to get over there.

And my first strawberry in the garden came good yesterday. It was really red and I was like, you're good. And I picked it off and I was like. You know, is it early season strawberries that look good but they're real like Oh, just buy them from the supermarket. Yeah, I know. It's the easier option, isn't it? It's quite easy, yeah.

You're like $2.50 at the moment. Much easier. But you don't go The Top Six with Vaughan Smith Hello there. Monopoly for Millennials is the latest different edition of Monopoly.

I just saw the cover and I was like, that's funny. I'll do the top six things they probably missed. But then these could totally be actually be in the game

because the game, there are different things like you don't collect property anymore. Like, you know, it's different things. Like, you don't collect property anymore. Like, you know, traditionally. Yeah, it's too expensive. You collect experiences, like going to a music festival, attending a farmer's market, going to a vegetarian bistro,

a bike share, or sleeping on your friend's couch. But there's actually been some backlash against us, eh? Yeah, yeah. Like, people are like, come on. Property-owning millennials are like, hey, we own property. We're like, okay, cool, you own property, yes. Cool, man. Some of us are really showing off.

Okay, okay. That's cool, man. So one of their community chess cards says, your free web streaming trial expires. Pay the bank $40. Like, you know, you put a bit of take on it. Like, actually, brilliant. Yeah.

So it's colourful The Monopoly guy's Wearing some Blue shades With reflective Lenses And a takeaway Coffee cup

Yeah He's got a takeaway Like a Starbucks Coffee cup And he's listening To something On headphones It looks

Fun It looks good When's the last time You won ten dollars In a beauty contest Exactly So the top six tricks I think they missed In A Monopoly for Millennials.

Number six, instead of a free parking square, it should be free thinking square, man, just for you to do some thinking, you know. And then just kind of read online someone who you like and what they think and then just copy what they think. Yep. Number five on the list of the top six tricks they missed for the Monopoly for Millennials. You know the old traditional get out of jail free card?

Yeah. Well, it should say you may keep this card until needed or sold. It will get you out of one F45 class. Always looking for an excuse to get out of a fitness class. Yeah, good call. Especially that one. Like missing your cult membership class or something. Number four on the list of the top six tricks they missed in Monopoly for Millennials.

Number four, you got a participation award in a beauty contest. But then everybody did because everybody's beautiful. But some people are more beautiful than others. You don't get anything, just this card saying you're Raleigh beautiful. Raleigh. Raleigh. Raleigh beautiful. Raleigh. Raleigh. Raleigh beautiful. Number three on the list of the top six tricks they missed in Monopoly for Millennials.

Instead of go directly to jail, go directly to Bali to find yourself. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Just go to Bali. Just go, man. You can get a nice villa, man, and it's got a private chef. And then someone will look after your kids at night so you can get smashed on drugs. You know what? Go find yourself, man.

Farley. Number two on the list of the top six tricks they missed in Monopoly for millennials. They do have some different playing pieces. In the actual millennials, you can play as an emoji or a hashtag. But I think they missed the trick. They should have had a lime scooter, an avocado, or mum's old car as the player pieces. You know, like mum's old 90s Beamer that she drove for a while.

But she drove for a little bit longer because one day she wanted to pass it on. And the number one trick they missed in Monopoly for millennials, number one is getting a discount at the hotel on Mayfair because you've got heaps of Instagram followers and you emailed them before you got there to say, hey, I could share a picture from your hotel if I got a better room and

or a discount. And then that means you've already survived another round. Yeah. That is today's top six. FEM. When Pink did her Australasian tour, so New Zealand and Australia I didn't realise she did 42 dates 42 shows

I knew it was a lot Did she beat her previous tour dates? Yes Amount of shows she did Did she? She began, yeah She began in Perth in July She finished in Sydney in September

I remember she had to go back to Sydney She was sick She was sick That's right. So it's been released just how much money she made over that. Just the Australasian leg of her world tour. And it is $117.4 million. New Zealand dollars?

New Zealand dollars. Holy. $80.4 million American dollars. That's not bad. Because when did she finish up? September. Okay. So three months work. 42 shows. Oh, yeah. That's not bad, because when did she finish up? September. Okay, so three months work. 42 shows.

Oh, yeah, that's quite a lot of shows. Give me the total in New Zealand dollars again. $117.4 million. Okay, 117. Six zeros. Are you doing it divided by? Duh, duh. Duh, duh, duh.

Are you doing it per show? Yeah. Okay. And then how many shows? 42. But this is gross. So this is before she pays for like Spark Arena, all the arenas, dancers, concert promoters, advertising, all the stuff that-

Everyone who takes the cut. Everyone will be clipping the ticket. But taking, okay. Okay. 2.795 million per show. Wow. So just round that up to $2.8 million. And so what would everybody else be getting?

And how many shows did she do in Auckland? Four? Yes. Yeah. Four? Four. That's insane. So when she was last here, $106.6 million.

So what, another $11 million. Where's Pink putting all her money? Into her life? I don't know. But like is she investing in... Carrie's buying motorcycles all the time. Oh I hope not. What a bloody waste of money. You're not going to recruit much on that. So in 2007

she had a net fortune of 110 million. Right. So she's doubled just with one small leg of her tour and she's still got... Isn't she still touring? So she's still got with one small leg of her tour And she's still got Isn't she still touring? So she's still got 60 remaining dates In like the US, UK, Europe, South America

She's going to be going until August next year So it's a long time She could retire after this tour Yeah No and literally not worse I can see Pink in like 5 or 10 years Doing a Vegas residency She's reached that level Yeah Well if you're wondering how it stacks up So I can see Pink in like five or ten years doing a Vegas residency.

She's reached that level. Yeah, yeah. Well, if you're wondering how it stacks up against like other artists that have come to New Zealand, she is the second highest grossing artist of all time in Australia and New Zealand. After. After. Might not be who you think. It'll have to be a big dog.

It'll be like ACDC. No. You're in the realm. Okay, I'm in the realm. So it's like classic rock. They once called like ACDC. No. You're in the realm. Okay, I'm in the realm. So it's like classic rock. They once called Invercargill. Oh, the Rolling Stones. The Rolling Stones.

Really? When did that last come here? I don't know. 17? Ages ago. Just every single New Zealander must have gone. I think the tour they're talking about is the 70s. Right.

They've come here since. They're counting collective tours. So collectively, she's 3333 million, $333 million. The Rolling Stones, $627 million New Zealand dollars. So they're well ahead. That's a lot of money. Wow. That's an insane amount of money.

They're charging more for tickets now, though. That's true, yeah. Well, they're old. They don't know how much money's worth anymore. Or how much time they've got with their antiques. Yeah. Got to be very careful with the antiques. You don't know how much money's worth anymore. Or how much time they've got with their antiques. Yeah. Gotta be very careful with the antiques. You don't want to break them. There's a story.

This happened in Chicago. The people were in the Hancock Tower. I've never been to Chicago, but it's a big one. I think that's one of the biggest buildings in Chicago. And you can actually do an observation deck, is that right? Yeah. This was, these people were staying there though.

They'd been to a room on the 95th floor and they were going downstairs. This is at midnight. It's a hundred story building. Okay, so they were on the 95th. So they're right up there. They jump in the elevator. Oh God. And then,

well, I'll let them explain, shall I? I've got some audio here of them recounting the ordeal. We were going down and then I felt that we were falling down and then we listened to a loud noise. Clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack, clack. We were going fast. Some, like, you know, little rocks came into the elevator, so something was very little, so like dust.

Then it stopped. Suddenly, they found out later they'd careened from the 95th to the 11th floor. Oh! 85! 85 floors! They fell, and then they stopped on the 11th. And then they stopped. So apparently they're saying the clack, clack, clack, clack, clack

was the emergency break. Right. Like not quite engaging. And the dust and everything was just wearing down. But then on the 11th, it kind of gripped. But then they said it wasn't like a free fall. It was like a controlled fall. So it wasn't like, well, but then it's hard to tell, right?

If you can't see the outside, it'd be very hard to guess how fast you're falling. You just assume in free fall you'd hit the roof. But if it gradually picked up speed. No, but you'd feel your stomach would still drop, wouldn't it? Yeah. Well, that's what they said. They felt like they were going very fast.

Oh, God. Did you ever do the, did you ever go, when you went to Disneyland, did you ever go to the one next door, the California? Yeah. Did you do the haunted hotel ride? The one where you go up to the top and they do a little drop. No, absolutely not. It's like the Tower of Terror at Dreamworld.

Yeah. I think that one at Rainbow's Inn. Yeah, but it goes, this is like an elevator. It's like a hotel elevator, the ride. And it goes side to side, up and down, free falls. Scary. I have dreams about that. Yeah, it's a regular dream of mine too.

In fact, it's weird when I'm having a dream and I get in an elevator and it doesn't fall. Right. I'm like, oh, must be dreaming. What does that mean? I don't know. Unresolved issues. I have ones that go like fly sideways and stuff and drop down. Like the glass elevator from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

Yeah, just like that. What does that mean? It goes up and down and around. Too much cheese for four people. Well, they might have had some cheese. Maybe that's why I couldn't catch them. Or they might have been popping out four cheese. But there were six people

in the elevator. There were just two of them. Yeah. And no one was hospitalised. Oh God. What if they fell from the 80th floor? Does that mean that

like 10 floors less would the break have not engaged before they hit the ground? I don't know. But they were by the way when it stopped

they were still trapped in there for hours. Just dangling, waiting for it to, I don't know, I guess, fall again. We put a lot of trust in these things. You just get in, expect it to work. Yeah. But you're 95 floors up.

Good Lord. And then when they got out of the elevator, the first thing they saw were the broken dangly cords. Oh. Kind of. They got the door open, they got out, and then up the top through the open door because they were halfway between floors,

they could see the broken cords. So if you're off to work today, a few floors up, maybe take the stairs. Or get in the lift and jump up and down just to test the strength of the cables. The rise of the yoga pants. It started in 2014. Apparently, teenagers began to prefer leggings over jeans.

Now, are yoga pants the same as active wear? Yeah, I guess you'd put them under the umbrella of active wear. Any stretchy pant? Any stretchy pant? Yeah, I guess so. Like leggings that you would wear doing active wear or pretending that you're doing active stuff. Okay, right. So apparently, apparently the first pair of yoga pants was sold in 1998.

And that was, you know, so that people when they were doing yoga specifically could, you know, like have freedom and stretch your pants. Was it Lululemon that started this? Yeah, Lululemon apparently started the first pair of yoga pants in 1998. And now, for the first time, the sale of yoga pants has beaten jeans in America. Wow. Okay. Good round for jeans. Because jeans have been around forever and it was like the comfy pant to wear.

But now people are wearing yoga pants even if you're not doing yoga. Just to go to the supermarket. Right. Just around the house casual wear. Just comfy pants. Because they're quite comfortable from what I've heard. Yeah. They are. Right. And they're kind of like, they're a little bit Spanx-y. So like

you don't know what Spanx are, right? Yeah, I know what Spanx are. You know, like sucks it all in. That whole jewel in. Whole jewel in. Whole jewel in the face. Yeah. Yeah.

So it's going to take over Jane. This guy's Spanx, eh? Yeah, Manx. Manx. Because how does that work? Does it get squishy? I don't know. I think it's like more of a gut situation.

Oh, right, okay. More of a tummy. Oh, yeah, true, okay. It's basically just a man corset. Yeah. Right. Tummy and boobs. Tummy and boobs. Are there any, like, male ambassadors for Lorna Jane?

I don't think they sell menswear. I mean, you can... Lorna Vaughn. Lorna Jane. Lorna Jane. You can launch the male version. I could do Lorna Jane. Lorna Jane.

And what kind of things would you sell? Sports bras? Just all of that stuff, but for dudes. Yeah, right. Okay. Yeah. I don't know how that would go. Okay.

Because when you pull on yoga pants, I don't know if it's the same. It's just like active wear, right? Like it's breathable. So does like a rogue hair poke through if you've got like hairy legs? Because that's what, as a guy, you'd pull it on and you'd just be like

rogue leg hairs poking out. Well, you can ask Clint. He's got some. I know he's got a pair. Brie got some for him. Yeah, it looks great. I think it looks very comfortable. Do you know,

in activewear alone, $48 billion is spent every year in the US on activewear. That's interesting you say that because I've just Googled Lululemon. Revenue last year in 2017, $2.65 billion. Wow. Not bad for a company that was named Lululemon because the racist guy who started it wanted to hear Asian people say it in a funny way.

Yeah. True story. Chip, his name's Chip. Is that 100% true? True story. A bit of controversy. He's quite outspoken slash racist. Chip, his name's Chip. Is that 100% true? True story. He's a bit of controversy. He's quite outspoken slash racist. Yeah.

Oh, no. But I Googled Lorna Jane male ambassadors. Yep. I can't find any results. They don't do male clothing. Apparently Lorna Jane sells 1,100 pairs of their yoga pants a day. And a Lorna Jane sports bra sells every 60 seconds. They are very lovely.

They're very nice. They're comfortable. If you haven't tried, Vaughan, you simply must. You simply must. Oh, I should. On your recommendations alone, I should. Morning, Miss Merritt. Good morning, Miss.

Good morning, Clark. What up, Miss? How was your weekend? It's Tuesday, Vaughan. Miss, I saw you have Friday James Live. You look drunk, Miss? How was your weekend? It's Tuesday, Vaughan. Miss, I saw you at Friday James Live. You look drunk, Miss. No, she wasn't drunk at Friday James Live. Okay.

Anyway, moving on. Level one. Before you get into anything. Level one, mathematics and statistics. I can't say that word. Mathematics and statistics. Somebody said, by the way, Megan, you said you're no good at algebra, but you are, you just don't know it.

For example, you could say you see a cute dress for $86 and you want accessories, but you only have $115. How much can you spend on accessories? Accessories is X. And you've just got to work out how much X is worth, that simple low-level algebra. Megan still couldn't do that. No.

Yeah, you could. You could work that out. Oh, if I have a calculator. Yeah, there you go. For a bit of time? I don't know. That's good. Yeah, good luck with this one.

I'm good at percentages because it's always like 30% off. Yeah. God, that sucks. Okay, the question is, negative 3 plus 2X equals 11. What is X? What? Born. Seven.

Correct! I was thinking seven. I need to see it written down because I get confused when you say it. And also, I didn't really know. I had to figure out how you work this out because you've got to do the, sometimes you do the plus before the minus before the divide. No, that's only if it's the equation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bedmass. But that doesn't account if it's just a negative number. You got that right. Well done. Bedmass. Oh my God, I haven't heard that for years. Brackets. Something, division, multiplication, addition, subtraction.

This is such a nerdness. What was it? Brackets. What does the E stand for? Equals. Equation. Equation. Exclamation. Next.

Okay, level three physics. When was the famous oil painting, The Girl with a Pearl Earring... Wait, this is physics. Oh, sorry, art history. Sorry, sorry. I meant scholarship art history. Okay. Megan's Googling it, miss.

No. Megan's Googling it, miss. Miss Scarlett Johansson. The girl with the pearl earring by Johannes Wittemith created. Megan. Megan. 1902. No.

Absolutely not. It was way before that When did you Why did What did you get You googled wrong Your failed computer Um

Oh it's been In the collections Since Nick Vaughan is wrong 1665 Miss Correct Megan No she doesn't correct That's not

No you don't get that She doesn't get that She ruined the question You knew that actually Because you love that movie Yeah I love that movie And that painting Oh no he doesn't get it right No, you don't get that. She doesn't get that. She ruined the question. You knew that, actually, because you love that movie. Yeah, I love that movie and that painting. Oh, no, he doesn't get it right. No.

Thank you. Exponents is what they eat. You did not know that. People are text messaging, and exponents is what E stands for in bed mass. So it's like brackets. I just love to do this to me. I don't know. I don't know.

Division, multiplication, addition, subtraction. Do we get a point for singing the exponents? Music. Music, level one. Yay! Okay, finally. Victoria. What have you.

That's level two exponents. Can you stop? You're going to ruin the final question, which is level two drama. Okay. Each of you have 30 seconds right now. To die. No To die No to cry Megan you start Wait

30 seconds Do we actually have to like tear up Put Coldplay on Oh yeah Coldplay Coldplay Are we taking turns Yeah

God dammit I had my nose waxed Like two weeks ago I can't even pluck a nose hair and get you good. Megan's going, wow. I'm trying really hard. Fletch, you're supposed to be crying. Oh, we're all doing this at the same time. Yeah, everyone go at the same time.

Ready? The first person to cry wins. Puppies. That made you happy though. Dying. Of what? Flesh eating diseases I don't want to touch them It's grossing me out more than it's going to make me sad

Sorry I'm just looking for a Coldplay song That one, that one, Yellow Oh Yellow, yeah that's really sad Megan's doing really well guys Fletch, come on, I need tears. Drama. Fletch is incapable of crying. He hasn't had that

software update yet. Well, I don't want to install it because it makes me run slower. Oh, please, yellow, please fix you. You're an old operating system. Yellow, that's not sad at all. Born hard. Born Indy. Graduating from high school.

August, graduating from Indy. Moving out of home. Getting married. Finding a boyfriend. Leo leaving house for the first time.o getting run over by a car please karen actually being nice to you for once and like purring no it's not working do i actually have to get one to run down my face you are quite teary actually actually. He's glassy. You're glassy. The tears come streaming down your face. When you concentrate on the gym, I mean, it's a ghost.

Vaughn wins that round. It's really hard. I can feel it. It's just about to. No. Blinking won't help. Okay. Yeah, you've done it.

Vaughn has won today in NCAA. Bullshit. Well, he got the first one right. Bullshit. He got the first one right. Bullshit. What? He got the first one right. Bullshit. That's... I'm going to say that

ending an exam. No. It's really hard when you've got flecks sitting here. You can stop now. We can see that you're crying. Feels good though, you know.

You're literally going to shit yourself. I'm squeezing a tear out. I'm actually clenching my butt because I don't want to have any. This Friday, oh, will it be our Saturday? Because they're a day behind. Oh, it'll be our Saturday. Carry the one Saturday.

So Black Friday sales kick off. Actually, it is our Friday because America's so obsessed with Black Friday. These are the sales you see on TV where one middle-aged woman will punch another middle-aged woman in the face for 20% off a television. That's right. There's always a stampede at the door when they open the door. They open it. So they've now started it on Thanksgiving,

a day where people are supposed to be hanging out with their family and having a good time. They start the shopping on that actual day, and then Black Friday's the big day where it starts, and sales generally go through the weekend, Magoos. Is that right? And then Cyber Monday. Cyber Monday's where it all goes online. Yeah.

Versus in the store. But then lots of like, I got an email over the weekend that was like, we're having a pre-Black Friday cyber sale. It's like, well, that's just getting earlier and earlier. This weekend, you always say this, Megan, good time for Christmas shopping. Yeah. Online. That's a great time to start your Christmas shopping.

Get so many good deals. And you'll get it before Christmas too, normally. Yeah, but even New Zealand websites, Australian websites get into it now and do the discounts as well. Well, I'm in the market. Oh, God. You know I don't like shopping on a whole. Here we go. I get to live a dream. Because I need to

buy a ride-on lawnmower. I know. Do you need to buy one? Dreams come true. I know you're moving and this has got a big lawn. It's got a big lawn. And a ride-on lawnmower sized big lawn. I've had the tick of approval from the boss. Have you? So it must be a big lawn.

Yeah. How long would this lawn take you to do with a normal mower? Like all day. I'm surprised I wasn't told just to, she'd have me out of the house for so long if I had to do it by hand. Can you not just like put a lawnmower on the back of something and drag it along, like on the car? Oh, like a mobility scooter.

I am not a heathen. A mobility scooter. I am not a heathen. How much are those? Like a nanomobility. Yeah. Can you get them for like a thousand bucks? My dad's not happy because I'll own a ride on a lawnmower before he does.

He's got a giant farm though. I know, he's got a big tractor and like a mower that goes right behind it. But he's like, ooh, ooh, ooh. There's something about dads. When you become a dad, you immediately start. It's a bit of a goes right behind it, but he's like, ooh, ooh, ooh. There's something about dads. When you become a dad, you immediately start. It's a bit of a guy thing, eh? Yeah, right on it. Ooh, right on lawnmower.

I found one on Trade Me for $60. A right on lawnmower. I mean, it's vintage, shall we say. See, I'm not handy enough to fix a right. See, that sounds like a fun project for people who know what they're doing with engines and the likes. Yeah. Okay.

Well, so this one's $50. That's actually the only one Forrest Gump drives on Forrest Gump. That's, wow. So what I'm saying is you could get a deal on Trade Me. Oh, yeah, that sounds good. But then somebody said if you look at how much they cost in America and I went on like Home Depot. Yeah.

And they're crazy cheap. And then like Home Depot's like coming this Friday, Black Friday. The steering wheel's on the wrong side. Oh, is that what it is? I'll never get a certificate of fitness. Because the steering wheel's on the wrong side of Decentraland.

Do you have to get a loft for it? No. Oh, no, because it's not on the road. It doesn't go on the road. Okay. So how much is a ride-on lawnmower? And you don't need like the Phantom G96. Yeah, you don't.

I haven't even heard of the Phantom G96, Megan, but that sounds like you should be in charge of naming ride-on lawnmowers because they're all just numbers. I don't even have grass, but I want a ride-on lawnmower for my apartment. You want the Phantom G96 as well? What if you park it outside the apartment? Me too. No serious question there.

How much are Ron and Lomo? That's so low. I'm really excited. How much? Thousands of dollars. Go on, trade me, for goodness sake. No, I have. There's so many here that are affordable.

Yeah, but you just showed me one from the 1940s. Well, let's just show you that one a little bit. That one's just a World War II tank with a mole strapped underneath of it to make the most of resources post-World War II. Here's one that looks like a Bumblebee Transformer at $600. It's called a Minimo. I'm interested in that, but that's a child's toy, Megan!

That is a child's electric toy! Brilliant. You stick to bloody lip kits and finding people Ray-Ban sunglasses for $4. You don't need a big one. Middle Eastern country. No, I do.

I need a big one. This is my chance. I'm thinking about getting one of those ones that doesn't even have a steering wheel. Like, you know, you see the council dudes driving it. They're called zero turns. And you control it like with arm things. And you go. And you get around.

This is madness, Horne. This is my chance. I've been permitted. I've been permitted. I want to get one with a tow ball because last night I got a little bit lost in the John Deere website. Now that is a great place to go for a look. You can get all these accessories. You can get little trailers.

Could you get us a trailer and give me a ride? Give you a ride to the letterbox? We'll go down and get the mail. Let's get one. Okay. I'm in. Great stuff. You're in.

I'm in. You're in. But so you were looking on. So my, what do you call your in-laws but as your step, your stepfather-in-law? Let's just call him Pete.

Let's just call him Pete's mate. He's like, mate, because he does a fair bit of importing. He imports old cars and stuff. He's like, look at this. And he's like,

this plus this cost plus this cost. We'll get it in for way cheaper than you can get it here. I'm like, Pete, I'm in. Say no more. Okay. And because America's having these massive Black Friday sales, I'm an importer. I'm going to be an importer now.

Wow. Brilliant. So we'll get this as classic war and I go out looking for something and I get wildly carried away. Yeah. If you do get one, will I be allowed to ride on it? After your training period, yeah,

we'll take you out and we won't engage blades. No, I want to engage blades. No, you shan't engage blades until your training period's over. You don't engage blades. Right, okay. I remember my granddad

teaching me to do the ride on normal when we were kids. Yeah. And I wasn't allowed to engage blades until I learnt to drive it properly. I'm a little bit hurt. There's no trust. And then drop blades.

Engage blades. What do you do with all the clippings? Well, I want to get one of the catcher, Megan. Oh, okay. And then you just, so I was watching this video and this guy's like, and then you just pull up

and you pull this lever and the things fill on. I'm just like, like you guys probably will never see me again. I might start a mowing franchise. And I just go around and I mow people's lawns and stuff. Yeah, right. That'll be me, eh?

Oh, mate on the mower. You know that's a lot of work. What? No, it's not. You just sit there. Sit on your ass tootling around all day. And then you drive it up onto a trailer and you tie it behind your car to the next place and drive it.

And honestly, sounds like my dream job. Ouch. I mean, you guys are nice and everything. Yeah. All right, spies next. We could all work together. No. Come on.

You can be on the weed eater. No, thank you. Until you work your way up to mower. You're not starting on mower. Do not engage blades. Are we engaging blades the very first Friday night? We are not engaged blades. Fletch.

Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast. Sam. But first of all, I want to tell you the difference before we start talking about this. Between a psychiatrist and a psychologist. Oh, yeah. What's the difference?

I know. Neither. But now I do. Psychiatrists are trained medical doctors. They can prescribe medications and they spend much of their time with patients on medication management as a course of treatment. Okay. Which one was that? That was psychiatrist. Okay. are trained medical doctors. They can prescribe medications and they spend much of their time with patients on medication management as a course of treatment. Okay.

Which one was that? That was psychiatrist. Okay. Psychologists focus extensively on psychotherapy and treating emotional and mental suffering in patients

with behavioral intervention. And that's what you call a shrink, hey? That one is a shrink. Yeah, that one. Okay. That's what it is from allpsychologieschools.com.

Now, I believe that's the case here. Okay. I shan't be 1,000% on that. Don't take my word as gospel. A woman in the UK has been busted because she has been practicing psychiatrist. You'll remember they are able to write prescription medicines. Yeah.

For 22 years with a fake degree. 22 years? 56 years old. Yeah. 22 years. 56 years old. Yeah. She claimed to have a degree from the University of Auckland, New Zealand when she went to work in the UK in 1992. In reality, she dropped out after her first year because she failed. Oh, wow.

So she was actually in New Zealand. Yeah. Is she a New Zealander? Because where did this happen? In the UK. In the UK. I don't know if she was born in New Zealand. Oh, jeez.

So at the time, in 1992, you could be a doctor from certain Commonwealth countries and you could just start working by presenting your qualifications without sitting any assessments or them looking into it too much. Wow, but obviously now... How did she fake that up? Just get a photocopy and... I guess so. Found somebody else's certificate and did a 1992 Photoshop job on it.

No Photoshop back in 1992? Yeah. So it was 22 years ago, so she would have been 34 when she did that. And she's been working as a psychiatrist for 22 years. Completely unqualified. Does it say in the news story how she got busted? Did somebody

just decide to check up? So somebody said flags were raised when she didn't disclose dangerous driving back in 2012. People started questioning what was going on, but she talked her way out of that. Okay. And then she was convicted of trying to fake the will

of an elderly woman to steal 1.3 million pounds. Oh, so she's just a bad guy. Yeah. So she's got jail for five years, but it has forced the background check of 3,000 doctors who have overseas qualifications in the UK now. Well, never mind all the patients she was treating. Yeah.

Was she doing good? Doing good work? I don't know. That's like me just picking it up and being like, hi, guys, I'm a psychiatrist. Yeah. What do you want? Lorazepam?

Sure. How do I spell that? Do you like know what would your like microgram dosage be? Like if you had to guess, what would you? Yeah, that's what I would have said too. Skittledee-dee. Anything before you here? Yeah, I'll go.

Bit of that. That's scary, really. Isn't it? Oh, you write in how many you want on this. I don't know how many you'd like to take a day, so I'll leave that blank. There you go. We've all done a little white lie.

I can Photoshop. I lied to get my job with you guys. I was like, do you know this light system on the computer? I was like, yeah. I've never touched it before in my life. That's the problem, Megan. You can dangle a golden carrot. People will tell any lighter work will take it back.

You were in front of you dangled. I didn't know what I was in for is the problem. The crystal chandelier of jobs and you simply had to have it. I've done that as well. I said, oh, you know how to use that program and I can edit and that. But you just fake it till you make it. And then once you get the job, you go to someone who knows and be like, hey, you've got to show me

how to use this real quick. Oh, the set up's different on this computer than the one I'm used to. Just give me a quick run through. And then just spend a bit of time learning and how hard can it be?

Well, you see, I really like to brush up on my skills. Can we do like a course or something? Like a beginner's? Honestly, get back to basic. Oh, I love that.

I love that. I I mean I don't know If we'd hear of anyone That has been lying For 22 years About a fake degree But Has anybody listening Lied a little bit

On their CV To get a job And how deep Did it get you How much How much did you lie Like just a little porky 100% lie

Embellish Is it a bit harder now That you know You've got LinkedIn? Or can you still lie? Just lie on your LinkedIn. Lie on LinkedIn. But then what about people have to endorse you? Mate, I'm LinkedIn. I endorse

people on LinkedIn every time I log on once a month. I get a monthly summary email. It's like, this guy viewed your profile. I click on it. It's like, look at all these notifications. You've got all these new connections. I'm like, I don't know that person. And then I'm like, yeah, sure, I'll endorse you. I endorsed a town planner the other day. You shouldn't be able to do that.

I don't even know what it takes to plan a town. I was terrible at SimCity. A tornado ripped through, I just abandoned the town, tore it all down and built a new one. That's not great city planning. Alright, 0800DARLSATM9696, when did you lie on a CV to get a job? And what happened? When did you lie on a CV to get a job? And what happened?

When did you lie on your CV to get a job? April, what happened? So I said that I could use Excel really well. And so a couple of weeks into the job, my boss sent me a huge report and asked me to put it into an Excel, you know, format and make it look lovely and whatnot. And so I was like, oh crap, what am I going to do? So I rang my mum and I got

my mum to do it for me and she got it back for me. And have you got away, are you still working there? Like, did you get away with it? Yeah, yeah. She's still, my mum still does the odd Excel for me. Have you learned any of it yourself though now? I have finally learned how to make a square a different colour. Oh, my. Oh, babe. Wait, I'm going to open Excel.

I've got Excel here. Oh, no, it needs to be optimised for my Mac. It needs to be updated. I'm not opening Excel today. Force quit. How long do you reckon you can get through a job where you had to use Excel and you didn't know how to use it by using that Fiverr website where you pay someone $5 to do it?

I think you could get away with that for ages. There's YouTube tutorials now, and I can guarantee whatever you need to do in Excel, some nerd features has uploaded a video of them doing it. Don't call them nerd features. Unfortunately, my mum is that nerd, and I get her to do it for me. That's so handy. If she's close to home, that works.

If she's there to help, why not? April, thanks for your call. Some text messages. I wrote on my CV that I climb a lot and know how to tie different clinging knots. I ended up head of the climbing program. That's one thing you probably shouldn't lie about. No, not vital safety knowledge. You know, put that one over there.

Make two bunny ears. Through, pull, I think. Anyway, you're like, what? 110 kgs, good luck out there. The cliff's pretty big. On my UKOE, I said, I know how to drive heavy vehicles. Not a problem. When I got the job on day one, I was like, oh,

trucks are way different than New Zealand. Would you be able to show me these? Trucks are way different. They trained me up a bit and away I went. Wow. I'm a town planner and I popped on my CV that I'm a pro in GIS software and something called Visual Basic, which I still don't know what that is. I got a central government job working on a major project.

So if you've ever wondered why those take forever. Wow. I suggested they give me a student or someone with less experience but still someone that's onto it and won't hold me back.

That poor dude smashed that project and I had some epic lunches. What a team. It's all about delegation. 100%. Isn't it? 100%.

Delegation. Being the best delegator. We're not even checking like, a boss is not even double checking. How do you like check credentials? You're like, yeah, I can do this easy, but no one's, like, actually giving you a wee quiz.

You could just say you could do anything. When I was living in London, my Welsh flatmate told me how he'd like to get a job. He moved to Sydney, needed a job and needed to eat. So he said he'd been a chef and applied for a head chef role. Charmed his way through the interview as only a Welshman could. Yeah. They hired him after a few, but after a few hours in the kitchen,

they realised that he'd never been a chef, let alone a head chef, and whenever he tasted somebody's dish, he ate half of it. Wow. Like the balls on that guy, eh? Like, wow. Yeah. I lied about what level of business I completed at tech. I tell people I have level five when in reality

I never finished level three. See, don't you have to prove that? Don't you have to give certificates or something? Nine years later and I just got a promotion to management. So I must have faked it

pretty well. Yeah, exactly. Fake it till you make it. That's what you do. That's easy. I'm all for all of these apart from the climbing with the knots thing

because if I'm lying to myself I'm abseiling in some way. I need to know the knot guy. Yeah, you don't want some guy that doesn't know what he's doing in charge of that. So it's Movember and people are growing moustaches. And we're entering, what, third week. So there's moustaches that are starting to look. Yeah, on some people.

I mean, yeah, it's at this stage of the month you can tell whether or not you should ever grow a moustache outside of Movember. Because it's either thick up, looking good, or Yeah, Clint from Brain Clint, his one's quite, it's in full effect, shall we say. Yeah, no,

he's got a thick one. Yeah. Yeah, good example. But in Movember, it's for men's health, both physical and mental, because we still live in a country where everyone's a little bit weird about talking about their feelings. So it's important to do that. Check on your mates and all that. And also just check on yourself.

Make sure you're in good nick. Earlier this year, I had some blood tests and I was low in iron. You were anemic. That's right. Yeah, yeah. The doctor said that. I was so weird because you love your meat. Yeah, and that's why the doctor's like,

well, we'll keep an eye on that. So it was a time for a, he said in six months come back, but he's departed the practice. Oh, no. So I've been assigned a new doctor. Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't like that.

Nah. That's weird because you have the same one all the time, don't you? Yeah, I know. This new guy's pretty good though. Okay. Like we met and everything. And so just in general, I do this pretty much ever since I've had kids.

I go on like once a year because I want to be around for a while. I like to think they'd want me around for a while too because they're not teenage girls yet where they say, Dad, stop getting your medical checkup. I don't want you in my life anymore. So I get the whole checkup. And I'm rich in that age where you've got to check all the different bits and pieces of being a man. So I give myself regular testicular checkups, both casual and formal.

Casual. Casual. Just a casual base and a bit more of an actual forage around down there. I know way too much about your casual checkups just by the way. The casual ones happen when the wife's out, eh? Yeah. Yeah. That's why they're casual.

You don't know how long you got. So this was a more formal one. So that was all good. No lumps. Right hand. No lumps. I'd change it up. You're a hypochondriac because I feel. No, no, no, No lice. I'd change it up. You have a hypochondriac because I feel...

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just doing this. And I've got like health insurance and stuff. So you ring them and you're like, I've just been to the doc. He's said I'm all good. And then you don't like get... You don't have a hypochondriac to get checkups. I'm not saying aside from the regular checkup,

you just always seem to think you're dying. No, I don't think I'm dying. Are you sure? Well, I mean, we're all dying. We're all dying. It's just the pace that dying. No, I don't think I'm dying. Are you sure? Well, I mean, we're all dying. We're all dying. It's just the pace that differs. Yeah, that's true. And I've got a family of bowel cancer and stuff,

so we've got to kind of watch that. Oh, like a mystery. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like my grandad had real bad bowel cancer because he was one of those dudes that didn't go to the doctor until it was like real bad and too late. So my family's got to keep an eye on that. So part of that little checkup, along with the prostate,

is a finger up the derriere. So the new doctor's like, oh, well, we'll have a prod around, shall we? Okay. Is that how? No, he speaks in more professional. I'm serious. Like, what's the introduction? Like, there's got to be a moment.

Like, how do they roll on into that? Oh, I think I see a light chat. I'm going to do this now. It's like a date. You have a bit of light chat. Okay. You do the blood pressure and you do all that.

This is kind of the crescendo of the evening, if you will. Yeah, right. And then he's like, all right, just hop up on there and lie on your side, face the wall. Yeah.

It's all good. I was like, okay. So it's like getting laser, okay. Yeah, it is. That's the thing. And people are like, oh, I was like, okay. So it's like getting laser, okay. Yeah, it is. That's the thing. And people are like, oh, I don't want the doctor seeing it, but they'll bloody whip it out for anybody at the weekend. You know? True, true.

So I get the checkup and it's all honky-dory back there. Clean as a whistle. And much like a whistle, if you blow into it, I make a funny noise. I feel we've jumped ahead, though. Like, at the moment where it happens, is there a conversation? Like, um... Or is he like, surprise?

No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, like, what? There's warning and stuff. Okay. Yeah. There's... Like getting your makeup done. Sometimes they tap you on the face so you don't get a fright.

Do they do a little knock on the door? A little... Hello? A little tap. Well, Megan, they put on the... The glove. The lubricant to make sure it's not, like, dry. Well, I don't know.

I asked you what I wanted to tell you. So anyway, there's going around in this. It's quite something to have someone's finger inside you and be chatting to them. And I'm like, is it all good? Oh, no, I mean it. The doctors. I mean it.

The doctors. I mean at the doctor's. I mean at the doctor's. Christ. What are we doing this weekend? Oh, I didn't think we were chatting well. So I said, is it all good? And that's good. And yet he's like, that's that.

And that's where that thing is. And then he was like, oh, this is the prostate. It's good. I'm like, out of 10, he's like, nine. Like, I don't take that. You're a good trip. You're good on TripAdvisor. Good on TripAdvisor.

You just give away 10s, willy-nilly. Great prostate reviews. Well, you can't give away a 10 because it's perfect. Hey, if you give away a 10 and then you come across a better prostate, you've got no room to move, quite literally, because there's not a lot of room up there. So anyway, it's all good. And that's good that you got that because a lot of guys won't do that

because they're too embarrassed. Hey, I'm going to try these things. And I didn't try it at university like some other people. So more better time than when you're married and with children and you need a checkup. So that's all good. And then I'm sitting down afterwards and he's like doing the tap on the computer.

And then he's like, says on here you work on the radio you're Vaughan from Fletchford and Megan, aren't you? And I was like, oh yeah, he's like, I listen to you guys when I'm in the car. Oh, good morning. And I was like good morning, Doctor. And I said, well next time you hear me talking you can pretend I'm your little

finger puppet because I don't quite know how to break the rules. And he looked at me like... Even he was like, no, that's too weird for me, man. Why did you say that? Finger puppet. Because I don't have a finger. You can pretend I'm your little finger puppet. I can have a finger at mass. That's why. I thought it little finger puppet. My finger is finger up my ass.

That's why. I thought it was pretty good. On the spot. On the spot. On the fly. Let's take into consideration what's just happened. I've just met the guy. He's fondled my balls.

He's had a finger up my ass. He learns who I am and he's listening to the show. On the spot I come up with, you can just pretend I'm a finger puppet. That's not bad. That's not bad. That's not bad. It's a bit weird. Anyway, it's a bit weird after that. Are you going back to him or are you going to get another doctor?

Yeah, and then I signed up to this thing where I go back. It's like a second date. I don't know what's going to happen. I don't know what we've left open for the second date. Kind of did everything on the first date. Yeah, that's a problem. We're going to have to spice it up next time. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know. I literally do not know how I can spice it up. You got any tips? What are you? Get into anybody? No. Well, anyway, I just wanted to say it's actually like,

it's very non-traumatic. The whole situation. Easy, yeah. If you're worried about it, like if it's very non-traumatic. The whole situation. It's easy, yeah. If you're worried about it, like if there's anything you're worried about, like all of a sudden you're a bit like, my peeing, my peeing's a bit different than it was before. Like if you're a dude in the zone, it could be prostate cancer or it could be if you find blood in your stool,

don't muck around with that stuff. Get in there, get it checked. At the very least, you can have some awkward conversation with the dude that just... Okay. Or woman, or woman. True. I don't want to say I was like,

today old when I learned, because I hate those things. I don't know why. It really winds me up. But I did find this out yesterday, along with so many people, after one girl's tweet. So on iPhones, specifically, there is a feature that has apparently been available for three years.

But I didn't know about it. I knew about this at the start of the year. And when I saw somebody do it, I was mind-blowing. So someone showed you? Yeah. You saw someone do it? I saw somebody typing and they did it. And I was like, what is that?

What are you doing? And why didn't I know about that? So this tweet comes from Chrissy Breer Davis. She has, her tweet's gone viral. She wrote, how come you guys never told me this iPhone trick? I feel duped. If you click and hold the space bar, you can move the cursor instead of trying to drag the cursor itself with your fat thumb. Yeah, I had no idea about this. Neither. This was

new to me and I'm always like dragging it around. Nana Millennial, did you know about this? Nah. Unbelievable. Nah, it's pretty cool though. So go typeety type type type, hold the spacebar and then whichever side you move your thumb on the spacebar. Oh yeah, that's good

stuff. How did people not know about this at the start when they brought it out? Because this is revolutionary. It's mind blowing. It's been available for three years. Three years we've wasted our life going, no. Do you know about this, Caitlin?

I feel they've failed to advertise that. I feel they've like did one of those updates and they're like, Tim Cook comes out on stage. Yeah. Because three years ago, would Steve have been? Jobs, Jobs. Jobs, Jobs.

He would have been passed. He would have passed. Yeah, yeah. So it would have been Tim. So Tim comes out and he probably, I don't know, what would he have been promoting three years ago? Emojis and that sort of nonsense. You know when you install something new and it's like,

do you want to take a tour of the features? It's like, no. No, I don't. So it's your own fault because none of us pay attention to that stuff. Also, Steve Jobs has almost been dead eight years. What? 2011, eh? No, he hasn't.

Yeah. Really? 2011. Crazy. But we've got a constant little reminder of them in our hands 12 hours a day. So it's like you never really let it go. Unless you've got a Samsung. Yeah, true.

And then I don't know who you're remembering. Korea. Sam. Who sung a song. I don't know what the deal is there. All right. Fact of the day, day, day, Tay, Tay. Today's fact of the day is about your washing machine,

your laundry, your load of laundry. Okay. And also candy bars. Oh, yeah. Okay. You'll see yeah. Okay. You'll see how. Your body produces on average each day 10 grams of salt. Yep. So that's two teaspoons of salt.

You've got there. Yep. I thought a teaspoon was four grams. What? Is it not? What? Heap it. No, teaspoons are five Yeah, five grams. Five mils. Five mils. Oh, teaspoons are five. Yeah, five grams. Five mils.

Five mils. Oh, they're five mils. So there might be, what's a teaspoon of salt weigh? How many grams are in one teaspoon? Of salt. 0.2 equals a teaspoon. But it all depends what you're weighing. Yeah, true.

Because a teaspoon of black hole matter would weigh way more than a teaspoon of salt. And when have you ever been doing an Annabelle Langbein recipe? It's called for one teaspoon of black hole matter would weigh way more than a teaspoon of salt. And when have you ever been doing an anabolic buying recipe? Just called for one teaspoon of antimatter. Jesus, I don't have any. Neighbour, do you have any antimatter? We've already put the eggs in. It's too late to... Stop.

Your neighbour's just like... In a vortex of nothingness. Let's go back to the fact... Okay, I'll send one of the kids over. So, I mean, if we're going back to the matter, I'm right. Four, four, four grams. 4.2. You're closer. So actually

more than two teaspoons of salt then. Thank you. 40 grams of grease. Oh, I don't know that word. S-E-B-U-M? Sebum? Sebum? What the hell is that? This is why every now and again I'll do a really hot

wash. An oily secretion of the sebaceous glands. Like just your body oil. Now I need to Google sebaceous glands. I'm going down a Google hole. I like oil or fat. Ooh, from our bodies. You can have a sebaceous cyst, right?

Yeah. That's why I'm using the sheets. Always do a hot wash with your sheets. Yeah. Because you're lying though, so don't you get all, yeah. So there's 10 grams of salt, 40 grams of grease and sebum,

and 10 grams of skin cells and skin flakes, which is the equivalent of 2 billion skin cells. So is this per year? No. A day. Oh, yuck. What?

A day. So most of that winds up in your clothes and your sheets. Okay. So someone did the maths and found out as a result Every three and a half kg load of washing you do Which is apparently the average washing load Contains 53 grams of grime Which would equate to the size of a candy bar So every time you wash something

If you took it out and dehydrated it There would be a candy bar with a grime left over. Yuck. And that's not including... How many days have you worn those jeans for? These are my lightish blue jeans. How many days have you worn them for? How much sebum is in there?

Might be a bit of sebum. To be like, how many candy bars have cracked? I wore these out on date night the other night on friday night not yuck i put them up i put a photo up you're doing your work james like three people messaged me being like you're better than that you're better than those chains it's like big party wait come on mate no no no no it's time to ditch those they've gone beyond no they might be right because they've worn dirty very worn they. Very worn. They're very comfortable though. You know Megan could take you shopping, eh? I should dye

them in the washing machine at home. Challenge accepted. How much sebum do I have to get out of them before I can dye them? I don't know. Is there anything to that? So today's fact of the day is every time you do a load of washing, there's about a candy bar worth of grime.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, you get stuck in small talk a lot and you're like, oh. Well, yeah, true. And, like, dates as well. Like, what do you say? Especially when you're, like, you're on a dating app and so you're going on lots of dates. And, like, it must be draining having to start small talk with people every time. Like, new people, you're like, oh, what do you do for a job? Same old thing, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Trying to find a connection every time. Well, there is a woman by the name of Terry Gross. Gross? I'd say Gross. I think it's just Gross. I'd say Gross

if that was me. Gross. Yeah, me too. Gross. So, she works for the National Public Radio in America.

NPR. So she talks for a job. Is she a hipster? Because that's all the hipsters with wearing shirts. She does actually, she's older, but gosh, she looks like an older hipster. Okay.

She looks like your cool brand. Yeah, Serial was NPR. Right. It's the podcast branch. Yeah, yeah. So she has a bunch of tips on how to talk to people. Okay. Now, this is not only for dates.

This is if you're stuck at an event or something and you're stuck doing small talk. It's if you're in a job interview. Yeah. Things to do to carry the conversation on and to, you know, back yourself. Okay. So she said, this one's specifically good for dates.

Tell me about yourself as the only icebreaker you'll ever need. Because if you go in saying things like, if you go, what do you do for work? You're going in with preconceptions. Maybe they're not working right now and you've immediately made them feel bad about themselves. Right.

Or maybe, you know, you're assuming their situation. But then where do you start with, tell me about yourself? No, that's the word. It's got to be more specific. Tell me about yourself. You'd be like, I hate that. She said this would work on a job interview on a blind date at a cocktail party.

A job interview? That's supposed to be asking you the questions. No, we'll get to that in a minute. Now before you start asking me, tell me about yourself. We'll get to that in a minute. No, but as soon as you ask someone a question about themselves, usually people are so self-centred, they'll be like, okay, let me tell you about me.

And then they can take it where they want to go, can't they? Also, I guess. This is the one I struggle with. The secret to being a good conversationalist is curiosity. Be interested in what they're telling you. Be curious. I'm on my phone.

I'm hardly paying attention. Do you find that sometimes you're, like, I watch people's faces so intently sometimes, I realise I've no idea what they've just been saying. And then I'm like, oh, no, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. That's why you just go back to that, ha-ha, yeah. Oh, and then you realise that that was the wrong response and their faces dropped.

Oh, my God, that's so sad. I'm sorry. Oh, my God, wow. You're like, ha-ha, yeah. Ha-ha, amazing. Yeah. Autopilot responses. It's amazing your dad's in the hospital.

Yeah. Be funny if you can. So a good conversationalist is someone who is fun to talk to. So you don't have to make wisecracks and jokes and stuff. But then who's going to be the judge of that? Because it's quite subjective too. You know those people who think they're real funny. Right.

That was just me ushering to everybody in the room. That will talk, but you're like, oh. Yeah. Stop it. She does say if you can't be funny or you don't back yourself, just be energetic because that would go a long way when talking to someone. Be energised and engaged when you're talking to them. Okay.

If you want to dodge questions and she says there's no reason why you have to answer every question someone's giving you, this I guess is more for a job interview, you can say things like, I don't want to answer that, but if that's too blunt for you, you can say, I'm having a difficult time thinking of a specific answer to that.

That's not going to go down well in a job interview. No, not in a job interview. What qualifies you to take on know, take on this role? I don't think... I'm having a difficult time... I'm having a difficult time answering that. ...thinking of a specific answer. Yeah.

And finally, Terry says to pay attention to body language. So, if you're talking to someone and they shift their feet to the side and they look around, they start moving their eyes around, you're boring them. Okay? I just do that if people's eye contact's getting too intense.

You look away. You know, like if someone's really looking at you, you kind of look around. Or vice versa. Try and stay engaged in what they're saying. Don't look around Vaughan and like... Okay. I know chances are I am bored as well. No, I usually, again, just stare at them and not

realise what's actually happening. I've lost the conversation. And they're like, Megan's staring too much, Vaughan's not paying attention, Fletcher's on his phone. Great conversationalist. We're great conversationalists. New Zealand scientists have drawn a link between how

sensitive your sense of smell is, so how good you are at smelling things, and your likelihood of being slim. Okay. If you can smell better, you're likely to be slimmer, they're saying, because the scent gives you enjoyment in everything. And you can get stimulation through scent. Whereas if you can't smell, your ability to detect and discriminate smells is not as efficient.

So you're likely to require other forms of stimulation to enjoy food. Like donuts. Like really salty or sugary. Really salty. Really sugary. Yep. Super salty, super sweet. You don't get any enjoyment out of blander foods.

Not that people who can smell better are like, Mmm, fibre. Because I would have thought people who would smell better would be like, KFC. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But that's not the case.

But maybe they can get enjoyment Out of the lesser scents Right Not opening up like that News wrap stuff And just having like a face Full of fish and chips smell Yeah They can

They can detect the scent Of like healthier fish Yeah and it gives them The one satisfaction tick Of the eating experience So how can you tell If you're a good smeller Like if you can

I've always wondered Because you know how they Have those people Who are like professional smellers Yeah And they experience. If you're a good smeller, like if you can smell well. I've always wondered because you know how they have those people who are like professional smellers. Yeah. And they can smell things in it. Oh, like aromas and wines and stuff? Yeah. Is that a genetic thing that's passed down? Do you come from a long

lineage of good sniffers? And then when you're going to have children, your parents are like, don't mix with them. They can't smell things at all. My mum doesn't have a lot of smell anymore, and it affects how you taste food. Yeah. So I'm always like, but can you taste anything?

But then that would be great for a diet, right? Because you don't get any enjoyment so much out of food. Just eat a carrot. But then you'd still know it was a carrot. Yeah, you'd still know it was a carrot. Like, if you can't taste it Does it matter what you're eating? You could just be eating some like slop

Yeah Say it's a donut Because you'd be like smell this food It smells yum She can't smell it Well something in the shape of a donut Without like It doesn't have to taste like amazing

But It's the doughy Like feeling in your tummy eh? But could you get something doughy? Is there a doughy alternative That doesn't taste as good as a donut, but if you've got no taste, then it doesn't matter, does it? But it'd be carbs. Still be carbs.

It wouldn't have to be. No, unless it's made out of mushrooms. Mushrooms. Get the scientists on to making a healthy dough, please. Yeah, they've figured this out now. Next. And a healthy icing, too. Or just make us all better smellers.

Yeah, so then we can have healthy deep fried donuts. Healthy with a slathering of healthy icing that's just been developed. And it will smell amazing. ZM's. Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast.

For more, check out ZM online. We can do it. David's the winner. ZM.