ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 21 2018

Episode Date: November 20, 2018

The perfect fried rice, Today In NCEA and are you in a open relationship?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Well, heading into summer, could you imagine a better city to have Lime Scooters than Tauranga? Oh, nice and flat as well. Get over onto the mountain, hone down that boardwalk. Yeah.

Zip around the retirees who live there. How long before there's a Lime Scooter versus Mobility Scooter? Like a race. No, like an accident. Oh, like a collision. Yeah. Mobility Scooter's got to come out better off on that. Well, yeah, it's a bit of a bumper, isn't there?

A bit more stability in the mobility. But who's got better takeoff? Who can get zero to 30 k's quicker? Lime. Yeah. Speed. So if you're dragging, you're going to win on a lime. Yeah.

Long distance mobility scooter. I'll give you that one. I'll agree with you. I'll give you that one. I'll agree with you. I'll give you that. That is on point. Now I just feel like we need to race them when they get to Tauranga.

From the base of the mount to the Papamile Campground. It's an endurance race. How many k's is that? I feel like that's 10k. Oh, okay. Well, you'd have to have a fully charged lime.

I think, what about length? Do you think lime would run longer than a... Yeah, I think maybe lime would. And agility. It's got agility, you know? Yeah, actually, and it's a pretty sweet road the whole way down. So, yeah, no, lime's got that one in the bag. Oh, lime, yeah.

Absolutely kill it. Absolutely eat it up. That'll be something for the retirees to complain about. And you know what? Old people love to complain. They love a whinge, don't they? They do. But then I've seen quite a few, like, older tourists on Lime scooters around the city here.

Yeah. So, you know, maybe don't know. Maybe they'll like it. I've been on them a few times around Auckland City. And every time I've been on one, multiple old people have been like there they are, there's one of them. Saw an older woman on one yesterday and she just looked terrified. She looked

like she was going and she didn't know how to stop. She got on and she regretted it instantly. She was chasing thrills. Yeah. At a tender age, she's just out there trying to be the best she can possibly be. Alright you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Story time. I've got three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan pick one headline. We delve into that story. The others we don't ever find out about. Headline one, police want to speak to man in bunny ears. Headline two, radio station's entire audience goes to the shops. And headline three, Mr and Mrs Claw's bust shoplifters.

To me, we don't get to explore our own industry very often. Is that tickling your fancy? Yeah, it really is. Radio station's entire audience goes to the shops. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That sounds good. We want to go there? Yes, please. Okay, we really is. Radio stations' entire audience goes to the shops. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That sounds good. We want to go there? Yes, please.

Okay, we go now to the UK. And this story has popped up because BBC Archive on Twitter shared this. Now, this was a news story that they did in 1974. So,

as a little bit of a backstory, Deke Duncan is now 73 and he started in his back garden, in a shed, in 1974, a radio station. Cute. But because he didn't have a licence,

the station could only be beamed through a speaker into his lounge where his wife could listen. So, like, ultra low power. he didn't have a licence, the station could only be beamed through a speaker into his lounge where his wife could listen. So like ultra low power. Well, I just think it was a stereo. Bless.

He's doing what people did when we were kids. But he had a full on set up in his garage. Obviously in the 70s he had turntables, He had like a desk and everything. Microphone stands. What was his name? Deke. Yeah. Deke Duncan. D-E-K-E.

That's Deke, right? I assume so. Deke? Deke? Deke D. From the garden shed. Deke Duncan. Mr. Duncan. That's pretty cute. This one goes out to my lovely wife who I believe's got a cat. A cat's a roll on by the smell of it.

Well, his lovely wife, Teresa. And that's where the joke came from that his entire audience went to the shops because she would actually go to the shops and he'd have no one listening. Well, anyway, BBC Archive tweeted this I'm assuming in the last couple of weeks,

and that has prompted a local BBC radio station to give him a one-hour special over Christmas and realise his dream of actually being on the radio. I like how they've not committed to giving him a job because he's probably like shit house even after all these years' practice. They're like, we'll give you one hour at the time of year when no one is listening to the radio. He's 77 now.

That's pretty cute. Sorry, 73. He called his radio station Radio 77. Okay. I don't know why. But yeah, so he got quite emotional. They got him in. They filmed it. He's very excited to do his little radio show. Oh.

It's pretty cute. When is the radio show? On Christmas? Over Christmas. It's going to be over Christmas. Oh, over Christmas. There's got to be a follow-up, right? We get to see what it was like.

Are there any little teas? I'm sure they'll do a, they'll probably film it, definitely. And I wonder what his name is going to be. Double D's. He'll get home. D to D. He'll say to his wife, did you hear the show? She's like, I've been listening for bloody 40 years, mate.

I've heard it all. I don't need to. I don't need to. It's pretty much what my wife says when I get home. I was going to say, how would Sade put up with you having a little radio station just for her? She'd hate it. She'd turn it off, wouldn't she? My ratings would plummet,

I'd be cancelled, and I'd be restructured. You'd turn it on one day and it would be a completely different radio station. Aww. And then she'd listen again. Yeah. And I'd be like, can't believe you listen now. An Australian news site.

You've probably seen these on, in turn I knew as an actual shocker for signing up for these, they give me a chuckle, but like events on Facebook that aren't actual events. Oh yeah, I'm a sucker for those too. Yeah. Like there was one, wasn't there one where people were going to Spark Arena to watch a moth buzz around a torch

that's pretty funny or like ones that were um the six-week african hand drumming course those were actual courses though but you signed up for an actual course and they called you and asked you if you're still interested yeah they asked if i needed um they had a drum but it was like lime scooterscooted jousting. Yeah, lime-scooted jousting. There's been a lot of those sorts of events. Yeah. So one of them's been made in Australia,

and the news sites are reporting on them like they're actually going to happen. Because on Saturday the 15th of December, so a few weeks away, three weeks away, there's going to be a, how many thousand strong crowd? Thousands of people have said that they will go to the Chatswood Bunnings in Sydney and they'll get a sauce and they'll throw the onion on the ground on the bunnings and then slip in protest to the fact that they're saying from now on

the onion's got to be put under the sausage at a sausage sizzle so it doesn't fall off and become a slipping hazard. People thought this was a joke the other week, eh? And they had to come out and say, no, here's the guy that slipped over. This is why we're serious. Like, this is serious, guys. 8,000 people have said they'll go, but

30,000 have signalled that they're interested in this Facebook event. Even though it's a fake event, like if you were at Bunnings, you'd be like, you'd cancel the sausage along that day, wouldn't you? You'd have to get some security in. But heck, if that many people are coming to buy a sausage, that you'd probably make a lot of money. Just do a fake charity, but run your own sausage. Get some money for the Bunnings Chatswood

Christmas party. I think they're doing it right. They can probably afford a Christmas party. No, that's all head office, mate. Profits go up. What about your ground worker? I don't know.

You have the cold face. The people that are doing the appointing and asking if you're right and you're like, nah, we're about to nails and they're just off the top of their head are like, aisle 14. How do they know?

It's huge. Like, you always ask them, and they're like, aisle 14, aisle 10. You're just like, how do you know? Where was I the other day? It wasn't. It wasn't a Bunnings. It was some other massive store. And the guy didn't even.

No, no, it was like the warehouse or something. Oh, yeah. And we were at the other end of the store. I was well lost. Yeah. And I just said, you don't know warehouse or something. Oh, yeah. And we were at the other end of the store. I was well lost. Yeah. And I just said, you don't know where so-and-so is. And literally without a bat of an eyelid opposite aisle 29, I went looking for aisle 29.

It was miles away. Like, that was well out of his jurisdiction. But he knew, and it was there. He knew. Yeah. And maybe I just flipped across somebody that was like one of those floating employees that doesn't stick to one certain region. But I was well impressed.

I wanted to go back to find them. Are you saying that if you work at the warehouse and you're in charge of toys, you don't go out of that area? I would have thought, yeah, you would have been

a specialist in that specialist toy kind of aisle. Yeah, you would have made sure it was packed. Maybe they rotate those so they're well versed on the whole store. That's great management, Megan.

It's a sign of a great manager, actually. Getting people, because then if toys is away for the day, you can sub in electronics. Mojo, I feel like electronics is one of those ones that's very stuck in their area. Yeah. Because they need to know. They need to know, yeah.

Like someone's like, excuse me, I want to buy a bedside clock, but if my power goes off, how long will the battery keep it going for? Another boring question. So Australia, there's been a little bit of cricket controversy and it's not that they can't seem to win a game. Have you put a sports pageant theme?

They're actually having a really bad run, aren't they? Yeah, but we don't feel sorry for them, do we? Nah. Because they're Australians. Is that because they stopped match fixing or something? Yeah, they stopped ball tampering. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, bloody sports, mate. And something else that happens is they've changed their official broadcaster.

Yeah. So it's been Channel 9, eh? Wide world of sport. Oh, for years. I think it's since the 70s. I want to say I read somewhere it was since the 70s. It's like a massive change. Just say it. I'll 70s. I want to say I read somewhere it was since the 70s. It's like a massive change. Just say it.

I'll believe you. Huge. Since 1974. What? Huge deal that it's finally changing. Yeah. So the new channel, Seven. Seven.

That have got Home and Away, they're making a massive deal about this. Because they've got the rights. Because they've finally got it. It's like when Home and Away went to TV2 from TV3, like massive. Because we grew up watching that, didn't we? Yeah. Home and Away on 3. On 3. And then it went to 2.

Yeah. What? So it's just like that. They snaked it. So it's like that. It's absolutely massive. So they've got a massive advertising campaign letting everybody know they're the new home of cricket. And they've got all these former players.

Some of them are new for that channel. Yes. That'll be the commentators. Right. And everybody, you know, everybody recognises these players. Well, they're legends. They're Australian legends. And some new faces, some old faces come across.

I feel like I've heard some of these names before, and I'm not familiar with cricket. You would have heard some of them commentating if you watched cricket before. Yeah. So they've hit the ground running with a huge ad campaign that's absolutely unavoidable. See if you can see. We've got this ad.

See, we're going to play it for you now. See if you can see why everybody's like what did you just say? Hold on. I'm coming. Hold on. I'm coming. Hold on. I'm coming. Hold on.

I'm coming. That got through multiple layers of people. So many people would have had to have took that off. Hold on. Even the people saying it. Yeah. But it's worse when you can see them. Yeah, there was something about them.

Look, look, these, dead in the eyes. What are they saying? Hold on. I'm coming. But to seven, to Channel 7, that's what they're meaning. Oh, yeah, we get it. Why didn't they say to seven, hold on, I'm coming to seven? Yeah. Done.

Hold on. I'm coming. How do you say that without sounding, you know? Yeah, yeah. But that's what people are saying. It's like literally there would have been like an ad agency. There would have been multiple people that would have had to have approved this ad. Yeah.

Hold on. I'm coming. It would have been way better if at the end there'd been a line up of them and they'd all said in unison, hold on. We're coming. But we all know that cricket is going to Channel 7. I wonder if it's intentional. Yeah. Yeah.

Very true. Exactly. We're talking about it. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. So today is World Hello Day. It was set up to express that conflict should be resolved through communication rather than force. You are to verbally greet 10 or more people as an expression of the importance of personal communication for preserving peace. You'd do that anyway, wouldn't you, every day?

Yeah. Good, eh? Hello. So it's also World Adoption Day, World Television Day, World Armed Forces Day and World No Music Day. Oh. So you can cut that and write it. Cut the music. We'd have to talk all show. Well, then we're going to have to say hello a lot more.

Hello. Hello. So today's top six. That was just one. And by the way, the guy that invented No Music Day was like, he made music and he was like, music's just not as good as it used to be. I'm designating a day. I'm designating a day where I just, there's no music for me.

Everyone's like, okay, dude. Cool story. So the top six ways to say hello on International Hello Day. Number six, when you want someone to ask you what's wrong. Hello. What's wrong? I'll indulge you. You attention seeker.

Nothing. Oh, come on. Okay. You know that guy that I keep going back to even though everyone tells me not to? I'm going back to him again. That's sort of hello. Number five on the list of the top six ways to say hello on International Hello Day

when you don't really have time to stop but you don't want to be rude. Hello. Yeah, and then keep walking. Hello. Well, you don't stop. And it's all in there. You've got to say a little bit. Hello.

Like rushed. No time. Hello. No dilly-d say a little bit. Hello. Like rushed. No time. Hello. No dilly dally on the vowels. Yep. Get it out. Get it out there. Number four on the list of the top six ways to say hello

on International Hello Day, the you're a bit of me hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Megan does that really well. Yeah, yeah.

Hello. Fletch does it well too because we always do it. Oh, no. Vaughan sounds creepy. Hello. Megan does that really well. Yeah, yeah. Hello. Fletch does it well too because we always do it. Oh, no, Vaughan sounds creepy. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello. Only me.

Hello. Only me. Hello. Hello. No, it's creepy. Hello. Yeah, that's good. I went up and down too much.

Hello. Two bumps. Whereas yours is a gradual curve. Hello. too much. Hello. Two bumps. Whereas yours is a gradual curve. Yeah. Hello. Creepy. Hello. Hello. Yeah, it's hard to do it

and not sound creepy. Yeah, yeah. God damn generations of men ruining it for us. Hello. Hello. Hello, you. Hello.

Number three on the list of the top six ways to say hello on International Hello Day. When you just realised someone said hello to you but you were daydreaming and you better say hello. Oh, hello. Oh, hello. Me, hello.

That sort of panicked hello. Number two on the list of the top six ways to say hello on International Hello Day. When you're Mrs Doubtfire. Hello. Hello. R. you're Mrs. Doubtfire. Hello! R.I.P. You can chuck a deer on the end of that as well. Hello, deer!

That'll go down a real tree. You get this day, you miss him, don't you? Yeah. Old Robin Williams, what a bloody legend he was. Almost time for a Mrs. Doubtfire. I know it's not a Christmas movie, but it's got a Christmas feel to it. Is it because it's so family friendly? Yeah. Great movie.

And number one today on the Top 6 Ways to Say Hello on International Hello Day. How to say hello when you're actually Adele. Hello. But then I need the rest of the stories. Hello. And that is today's top six F.E.M. There is an art

To the fried rice And this makes sense Because I've been down to my local Chinese takeout John Chan Takeaway Wonderful outlet Okay That's a free

That's a freebie That's a free plug It's a freebie I do want one of those Twelve dollar All you can eat situations For free next time I go on. Oh, they're so good, yeah. And they don't judge how hard out you pack the polystyrene.

Oh, good. If you can even just hold the lid shut, it's okay. That's okay by them. Not to your face, they judge you after you leave. Yeah, yeah. So if you've been there, you've heard how ferociously our walk has worked. You've got to work the wok. Yeah.

You've got to. So I did not know this, but apparently it's a problem with Asian cooks. As they age, 60% suffer shoulder problems from having to keep the wok going. Oh, right. 60% of Asian chefs have to give up the fried rice deal or excessive wok cooking. Okay. Because of shoulder injuries. You're flicking, aren't you? Yeah.

So this is where they've studied Taiwanese chefs who specialize in fried rice. Okay. Because they are trying to make machines, cooking robots. Yeah. That do the same thing. I know robbing people have a job, Megan, but when your shoulder bugger's out,

you need to tap in your robot. Or you train someone else. Pass over. Yeah. Okay. But you don't want to give up the strut. You stranglehold on the local fried rice industry. So the Georgia Institute of Technology

have been looking at it and what these robots need to be able to do to be able to cook the perfect fried rice because these robots, they can't look and make a judgment call. They've just got to have the technique. So they studied some Taiwanese chefs that have been cooking fried rice and as yet are yet to succumb to the shoulder injuries of many a wok-based chef.

You need to be doing that. You need to be, okay, so first of all, the motion, pulling the pan towards you and then pushing it away, you know, to get the fried rice. Oh, I like doing that. To rotate it. I can do that and flip it. Yeah, because it's effectively a flipping motion, isn't it?

And you've got to be tilting it back and forwards like a seesaw. Yep. So you imagine doing it like, I'm doing it now. You imagine doing that with a big wok. You've got to keep it moving and you've got to keep it right over the flame so you don't lose any of the heat. For hours, every day for years, you can see why they bugger their shoulders. You might have strong shoulders, nice

square, strong shoulders, but after a while, you're going to break the machine. So because of this need to make a robot, have they decided the perfect... Yes. Right. That wok needs to move every 0.32 seconds.

So that's three times a second that wok needs to be moving. So it's constantly moving. In constant motion. Because one second, like that, you've got to move it three times. One. So you're just going to be... The whole time. It's just going to be always in motion.

Well, that's why I'm always burning my fried rice. You're not moving it enough. I'm not moving it enough. And it's got to stay directly over the heat. Okay. Often gas or like flame, much easier to cook on those than induction tops or ceramic tops or whatever with a wok. You want that burning hot flame.

You want the heat, yeah. Yeah. So it's got to be moving every 0.3 of a second and it's got to be in constant motion. Oh, more for a robot. Get a robot. Go down to John Chan.

Or just go to the takeaway store. You cannot, don't tell me you can make fried rice as good, cheaper than you can for just going down because it's always the cheapest thing there too.

Yeah, you can't. Because it's just rice with some peas in it. And carrots. And bits of egg. Yes. Yeah, you can't. Because it's just rice with some peas in it. And carrots. And bits of egg. Yes. Oh, that's what I love the most, the egg fried rice.

The egg. Egg fried rice with chicken in it. Yep. Hold on. Now you can eat expensive now. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, this is a main.

I'm a luxury man. I live in the lap of luxury. I'll have chicken and they're like, oh. And an egg echoing gas goes round. Hi, Rolla. Ding, ding, ding. Hi, everybody back there.

Get ready for your lush retirement as this guy's dropping an extra $2 on the chicken option for egg fried rice. F.M. I'd like to call this our next segment on the show, It's Amazing I Turned Out Normal. Because I read an article yesterday about a bunch of celebrities.

Harquin Phoenix was on the list, Rose McGowan, Glenn Close, the actress. Okay. Of people that grew up in like religious sects, sects, S-E-C-T,

sections. And cults, those sorts of things. There was a couple of reality stars that had been brought up in polygamous, like, locked-off sections of society. Okay. And they were all like, oh, yeah, it was weird. But then they got out of it.

Yeah, and they're like, oh, well, you know, just get on with it once you get out. And I was like, that's amazing that people can be brought up. Because when you're young, you know, your parents are kind of the setters of society, you know? Like, you look at them and you're like, well, that's what's normal. Yeah. Right? That's what you, when you're growing up,

that's your parents' kind of job, to teach you right from wrong and what's socially acceptable and everything. And these people are like, oh, no, we escaped in making a go of it now. Yeah, right. Outside of this cult or sect or religious institution that was a bit intense.

So I was just thinking, we've got to have some listeners that are maybe like, you know, like, it's amazing I turned out normal with some situations when they were young that were just like, looking back, you're like, that was unusual. Right. But you might not have had to have grown up in a cult.

No, no, no, no. You could have just grown up with like, weird parents or happy parents and they did things a certain way. And maybe you're cool with them, but you don't do stuff their way anymore or maybe you don't talk to them anymore because you are like, they couldn't give it up and they chose an imaginary guy in the sky over their own children,

which I always find astronomically unbelievable. People are like, oh, I came out as gay and my parents disowned me because of a book that was written some thousand years ago. And you're like, really? Because you came out of your mum. That's pretty real. That's undeniable. And they chose that over you.

Okay. I don't agree with it at all. Children have always got to come first. But I was thinking there's got to be people listening that maybe, you know, can now be like, well, it's amazing I did turn out normal because of it. Because sometimes you don't realise it's weird until you grow up. Like that I grew up in a nudist, you know, like going to nudist camps and stuff. That's right.

It's amazing you've turned out normal. It's amazing that you don't get into it. Yeah, that's what's more amazing. Or even like you don't even do it when you go home, eh? Nah. No. But it's not my cup of tea, but it's theirs. Do you think it will be?

Do you think it will be? No. Is it one of those things you go back to? No. Nah. You're done. But like, I still would go to like the notice camp and I don't think anything of it. Like you see naked people you don't really know walking around and it's just like, oh

yeah. I don't know that you're in clothes. Yeah, they do. But they also know that I'm not a weirdo. So, but you don't yeah, you don't think anything of it. It's just the way you were brought up. You're like, oh okay. It's doodles. It's low end stuff though. Why do we might be struggling to hear from

people? Because what, there's only Gloria Vellas in there? No, a heap of them. There's like exclusive brethren. There's heaps of them. There's heaps of them. Oh, yeah, true. I don't say heaps of them. What? Heaps of weird things that Vaughn doesn't agree with.

No, no. Because you always say that's like I'm normal now, but that's their normal. Yeah. Is it? According to you. According to me, yeah. According to the all-seeing, all-knowing Vaughn.

So you want people to call now, 0800-DARZATM-9696. Yes. And say, it's amazing I turned out normal. Because of... Someone's messaged in, so what is normal? Exactly. That's up to you, isn't it? No, that's true.

What is normal? Vaughn. Don't think disowning your children's normal. No, that's not. Well, yeah, true. All right, you can give us a call, text 9696. We're just talking about, and I want to just clarify, we did use the word, well, I particularly did,

and I want to say I'm not quite sure the word I was actually looking for. I did use the word normal a lot before, and I understand there is no normal. You know, I'm not saying that you grew up and you were perfectly by a definition of normal because that in itself is weird. Isn't it? So I didn't mean

to disrespect anybody, but I mean if you grew up in extreme circumstances and now you can look back on it and be like, whoa, that was intense. I turned out alright. Yeah. I've done alright. I've. Yeah. I've done all right. I've got here. I've kind of sorted that out. And hearing from people that, you know, grew up in families where, like, there were, like,

a lot of problems, like maybe drugs and stuff. Yeah. Or there was Megan's nudist colony. But that's all kinds of stories. It's quite fascinating. Yeah. I guess just would be, like, how different you are to the surroundings you found yourself growing up in.

Because you read of some celebrities that grew up in like extreme cults. And somebody messaged in saying, I can't believe you would say going on a reality TV show makes you normal. And I said, well, I should have explained more. The girl that was on there, one of the people that went on a reality show explained when she grew up, it was a regular thing that they'd sacrifice animals on an altar and then cover themselves in the animal's blood.

Whoa. So I guess comparatively, God. Yeah, okay. Oh, and by the way, she was just this white person whose father decided to start doing it. So it's not like it was like a long line of, you know, her culture.

Her father was just like, I'm just going to kill that and rub it on myself and my children. Yeah. Good stuff. Some other text messages in. Somebody said, I grew up in an old dairy factory.

It was like a castle. It was huge. We were really isolated. I have a great imagination but now I just live in a house. And I'm like, every now and then I think of the castle. I was like, it was weird growing up in a factory. That would be great as a kid though. Sounds like it would make a great reno. And I'm like, every now and then I think of the castle. I was thinking, it was weird growing up in a factory. Which I guess. That would be great as a kid though.

Sounds like it would make a great reno. Yeah. Like a great, you know, episode of Grand Designs. This half family bought a dairy factory. Their budget's $2,000 and they're hoping to really renovate it from top to bottom. What could possibly go wrong? Fast forward 40 minutes, they're blowing their budget. Anonymous, what happened?

Morning. How is it amazing that you turned out normal? Not due to a cult or anything, but in my family I have the nickname Norma. Norma, yeah. Due to being the only child that's never dabbled in drugs, gangs, got pregnant as a teenager. Oh, jeez. Yeah, there's probably family listening, but I as a teenager. Oh, jeez. Yeah, there's probably family listening, but I don't know. Okay, and so you kind of chose a different path.

Yeah, good job. You know, got that whole family life sort of thing, and yeah. Growing up around that, how do you choose to be different when it would be so easy to kind of follow that already beaten path? Well, I'm the third youngest. So I suppose having two siblings older, I've watched it. And having an age gap, I've watched it. And then I've sort of been like, no, that's not really me.

Yeah. My younger sisters sort of followed, not to the full extent, but yeah. Some other text messages in. Somebody said that they grew up, their mum left, abandoned them. I was left with the dad who was a massive stoner and had his fissure of the lady, shall we say. And absolutely no drive to do anything. But it was growing up and seeing that that really made me think

I've got to get my act sorted. And I've now nearly become a fully qualified builder, and I'm in a long-term relationship. Oh, good on them. So I guess seeing that had made them think. Yeah. Yeah. I was brought up in a cult.

In New Zealand? Yeah. Somebody said I was brought up in a cult. I don't know what one it is, but there's been a few. No, there's been a few over the years. Okay. I was brought up in a cult. My parents were the first generation involved,

which is where they moved to be part of it. Looking back on it now, everything that happened there was so crazy and often illegal. But now we realise that that's not how society should function and children shouldn't be involved. And it's made us really conscious of that entire thing going forward. Somebody said, I was brought up, had parents with absolutely no strictness whatsoever.

We're never made to brush our teeth. We're never forced to read books, do our homework or anything. We did literally whatever we wanted from day one. What would happen there? I don't know, they said, but it's made me vow to never be like that as a parent and actually realise the importance of rules and structure. Isn't that how Will and Jada Smith brought up Jaden and Willow? They were their own bosses.

They got to do what they wanted and... Yeah. Obviously, they didn't have to get to bed. They're living their life, aren't they? Will and Jada didn't have to get to bed by a certain time because, God, there's nothing worse than kids running around when you try to sleep. They probably would have hardly been home anyway.

Yeah, that's true. No wonder they're their own boss. Mum and Dad were out filming movies all the time. That's why the Matrix, that third Matrix movie was so bad. Jada Pinkett Smith was just exhausted. She's like, I just get home and there's no rules. I don't know, were we supposed to sit home? Fletch, Vaughn and Megan.

The podcast. Sam. How to find true love online. There's three profile tweaks that will apparently help you if you're doing online dating, if you're using a dating app. We always hear these, but these are quite interesting. Okay. Because they

talk about the bio, the written part, the profile picture and the initial chat. So, the written part, the profile picture, and the initial chat. So, let's start with the bio. So, apparently, if you're doing 25 words or less, and most people are,

you're selling yourself short. Then do people want to be reading all, like, everyone's bio? Well, I mean, don't, like, make it like a novel, like a Vaughan Smith Instagram caption. You would have a giant Yeah, but if you're worth

the read, people will spend the time. People will spend the time. Producer Caitlin, on a dating app, would you read a really long bio? So I just feel like this guy is full of himself. Yeah, well, this is where I'm conflicted because I don't have anything, like, if I ever use like Bumble is full of himself. Yeah, well, this is where I'm conflicted because I don't have anything,

like if I ever use Bumble, I don't have anything written about me. But then if I don't have anything written about them, I'm like, lame, I don't know anything about them now. Like, I want them to write stuff about themselves, but then I don't want to write anything about me. Enough, but not like, you wouldn't want them to go on and on about you. Not too much, yeah, just like three lines.

If a story's worth telling it's worth telling I would definitely give it some length no no no no so yeah don't don't miss the opportunity

don't take advice from the guy who's married I know because we're all still baffled as to how that even happened don't take advice

from the guy that's been married like eight years but we don't to how that even happened. Don't take advice from the guy that's been married like eight years. But we don't know how that happened. Well, just listen up. I'm literally giving advice on the daily. I need more respect around here. You can't take advice from a one-off glitch in the matrix.

You should. You should take advice from a glitch in the matrix. I've hacked the system and I'm willing to share my secrets Come to my webinar This Friday Live on YouTube $8,000 a person So yeah

It could be a missed opportunity To showcase your best traits Yeah right Make it a little bit longer Don't drone on and on and on To be fair though Caitlin When Vaughn has written your bios In the past you've done very

well. Interaction. But here I am. It's not the like. She's getting the swipes. She's getting the swipes. It's just, she gets bored. The bait's on the hook, she just can't reel them in.

Yeah. I would only put one hook per line. Okay. Okay. We're moving on to openers, like a basic hey or how are you is a major turn off. Because if you think about how many times people are swiping and then they're just getting a hey. Again, nothing, you're not standing out, you're just boring. You want a classic?

You want a 1990s? How's it? No. H-O-W-Z-I-T. Or a sup. Sup. Sup. That falls into the same category.

A blunt or brief opening message will see a 35% drop in replies. But you don't want a cheesy icebreaker. No, you need a question. Just a normal question. Just a question. That's not how are you. And that third photo in the background, what is that? That would show that you're paying attention.

Yes, okay. Yeah, okay. That's quite good. And then they're like, would you reply to that, Caitlin? Yeah, always ask a question about a photo. Yeah. But then I feel like if that's the rule, everyone's asking about the same thing. No, but the photos are different.

It's finding the thing that no one else has answered. It's finding the minor detail. Yeah. Then we move on to photos. For some reason, it doesn finding the thing that no one else has answered. It's finding the minor detail. Okay. Then we move on to photos. For some reason, it doesn't explain why. Women wearing sunglasses and at least one of their photos sees a rise in interest from men. Ooh.

Put one photo, women, of you wearing your sunnies. Retinal care. You want to know long-term care. You want someone who cares about their retina. It could be because your choice of sunglasses shows a lot about you You want to know long-term? You want someone who cares about their retina. It could be because your choice of sunglasses shows a lot about you because it also explains, like, fashion choices. Include fashion choices, like your outfits in your photo because it expresses yourself.

Is it because you're hiding half your face, literally half your face? What? So they think you're hotter than... You use your imagination to... Everyone's hotter in snowboarding outfits. hotter than... You use your imagination to... Yeah, and you use your imagination to fill out under the goggles. Yeah, it's always better in your imagination. And then they take it off and you're like, oh.

And finally, yeah, put your whole body in at least one of the photos. And the more photos you use, the better, apparently. It doesn't matter what they are, just use as many photos as you possibly can. More options. I definitely want to see more photos of the guy. I doesn't matter what they are. Just use as many photos as you possibly can. More options. I definitely want to see more photos of the guy. I don't want just

one or two. When there's just one or two, you're like, I don't know enough. Always put yourself in the photo. Don't put just a car. Oh my God. Please don't put a car. Just a car. Are you not going to fall in love with a guy that's got a skyline? Absolutely not. You might fall in love with him guy that's got a skyline? Absolutely not.

Oh, okay. No, well, you might fall in love with him if he's got a skyline, but you want to know about the guy before the car. What's a skyline? It's a missing skyline. I don't know what that is. Sick mad drifter. What's a thoughtfully sick car, Caleb?

Yeah, bro. And then he'll pick you up and you can go for a monster energy drink. Okay. Only if it's a pink can. And then you can help him pick out a couple of flat pigs from culturekings.com.au. You're so judgy. I'm not judgy, I'm just knocking a stereotype on the head.

I think that's what's called judgment. No, I'm all good with them. Coming up, we're going to talk about tips on how to save this Christmas because there are a lot of people struggling. Financial stress. I saw a story yesterday, like one in five can't afford Christmas. I was like, surely that's higher. Like, it's not cheap.

Yeah, I would have thought it would be higher than that. Just on that, 33 days. Until it's not cheap. Yeah, I would have thought it would be higher than that. Just on that, 33 days until Christmas. Megan's like we're all like, ugh. Well, 33 days of Christmas and zero days until my work password on my email expires.

I've been getting daily reminders of this for 10 days. And every day when I get the email it's like click here and I click on it and I put in what I believe to be my email address

but who really knows these days. And my old password now that's that's what I don't know. I don't know what it is. And then new password

get this. The password has to be 11 characters long. No it doesn't. Does it? I think mine is 11 characters. Yeah it says it has to be 11 characters long. No, it doesn't. Does it? I think mine is 11 characters. Yeah, it says it has to be 11 characters long. It has to have an uppercase, a lowercase, a numeric and a symbol.

Oh, mine's not 11. Yeah, mine is. They just changed that. Yours is 11. Mine is 11. Mine's 13, actually. Why does it need to be so long? Who's like...

No, mine's nine. Well, next time you update, it's going to need to be 11. I hope you've got two more digits. You can slam on the end of that. Just chuck my birthday on the end. Because that's all anybody ever does, right? Put your ordinary password, then put like the amount of numbers on the end that are required. One, two, three.

Yeah. Because work's just brought in this new rule. Brought in this new rule. Yeah. And you've got to change it every three months, two months. Yeah, because the same thing, I couldn't remember my last password because it just automatically saves.

Why do we have to change it all the time? Cyber war, Megan. Yeah, but no one cares what's in my emails. Nah, neither. It's just online shopping confirmation. Mine's like weather stuff. What did I get here? Yeah, not much at all.

A lot of work stuff, but to be honest, I could have that repeated to me by somebody who works here in person. It gives it that personal touch. Right. But no, zero days. My network password will expire today. Now, why is the picture that comes with this email of someone doing a dive into a pool? Is there anything there? I don't know. That's just trying to make it what? Why? Hmm. Relaxing?

Hidden meanings. Yeah, relaxing because it's a stressful time. No, they're wearing a swim cap. That's not a relaxing swim. Right. If they were in boardies and in a spa. Relaxing. Lifestyle.

But this one looks very competitive. Lots of bubbles coming off them. So you're going to fix it after? No, I'm willing to walk the gauntlet of seeing what's the worst that can happen if I don't have a company email. You'll get locked out. Of what? We'll be sending you emails about the show and you won't... You do that anyway.

I don't know. See? You're right. You don't really need... Maybe don't bother. You got my hotmail? Hit me up on Hotmail. Roxybabe69.

Yep. Still works a treat, actually. Really flushes out the bad guys, too. You know, you won't have too many people emailing you if they have to type in Roxybabe69 at hotmail.com. Right. But, yeah, so, I mean, I'm just letting everybody know. Well, this could be maybe you in 2019, like a digital detox.

Hot. No work email. And that's like a real buzzword at the moment Like I need the digital detox Yep AKA I was too lazy to reset my password Because I forgot my last one And I can't think of 11 characters

Just put Vaughan Smith No you're not allowed your name That's another one of the rules And then you're not allowed your last password Or any of the five before that It's just encouraging people to write them on a post-it note. Yeah, I'm going to have to have a dad notebook so I remember my passwords. Fine, fine.

I'm going to the stationary cupboard and I'm getting us all a password notebook. They're turning us into baby boobies. In fact, we should keep a copy of each other's passwords just in case. If you lose your notebook, you can come to me. I'll sort you out. Definitely not having my password. I've got to have your password for that agreement we've got. Should you get caught up in something that costs you your life,

I need to go around to your house and delete everything. Delete my browser history. It will literally be like one of those spy movies where they type in a code and then the whole place catches on fire. Sure. That's what will happen. So one in five people are apparently going to struggle financially this Christmas. I'd say it'd probably be higher.

That's got to be like a real struggle, right? Not just where you spend too much money on yourself and you're like, I'm really poor. And I, in all honesty, would have thought it would be more. It would be more than that. Because it's not. Yeah. It's always a struggle, isn't it? It's crazy.

But we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to like put on a feast and like buy everyone the best gifts and it doesn't need to be that intense. Just for the record, I don't put that pressure on myself. Buy myself something nice, but you know. So I've got some tips on how to potentially make it a little bit easier financially this Christmas. Because we're only 33 days away. Yes.

Not to scare anyone. No. First of all, get rid of stuff you don't need. Sell it on Trade Me. I have been meaning to do this, but I haven't got around to it because it's a struggle just to do it. But now's the time that you will sell it

because other people need to buy Christmas presents too. So if there's shoes you don't wear, if there's clothes you don't wear, if there's clothes you don't wear, if there's like something in the garage you've been meaning to sell Vaughan, now is the time to chuck it on Trayvon and get some cash. Well, especially if you want to keep it on Trayvon for a week or two,

that gives you a couple of weeks before Christmas with some cash. It's your trash. Could be someone else's Christmas present and then you've got the money yourself in time for Christmas. I also am going to tell you this several times before it gets to the weekend

that Black Friday sales start this weekend. I say this every year. It is a great time to get your Christmas presents. The sales are awesome. New Zealand websites... Will things get heavier for Christmas? You can check the shipping time. New Zealand websites and New Zealand businesses

are getting more and more into Black Friday every year. Yeah, and so it should start Friday. You might start getting emails from now and then it goes over the weekend and then there is even Cyber Monday as well. So that is a really good time to get a bargain. Sometimes you can get a two-for-one deal. Right.

So keep an eye on that for your Christmas shopping. Or you might get 30, 40, 50% off something. Yeah. But then also being able to say no to a two-for-one deal can be a money saver around Christmas because you don't need two things sometimes. No, but you give two presents. Like if you need someone you don't know what to buy for.

If you really need it, yes. But otherwise, don't get tricked into two-for-ones. That's Vaughan Smith 101. I always get dragged in. So when you're in the supermarket, it's like two loaves of bread. I'm like, well, I've got, you know, okay. I'm like when you bought two Deadpool masks. I'm not talking about that.

100%, I did. If you've got two people to buy for and they're, you know, similar, you can get a two-for-one. Now, this is a great idea. Secret Santa for your family. So my husband's family, we do this. You get one person to buy for, and then you're not spending money on,

if the family's big. 15 people. 15 people. I like a lot of big families do that. I think it's a great idea. Buy one awesome present for one person. It takes the stress out of it, and it's a lot cheaper.

But then you've got to have one of those families that's okay with that. You might get a family that all just want lots of presents. Yeah, but then what brings me to my next tip, what is Christmas actually about? Change your mindset about Christmas. It shouldn't be about how many presents and how expensive are they. It's about being together with your family and spending time together. So just like one...

And eating too much. And eating too much. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Because that's... The reason he's smiling is that's the exact opposite of what Fletch does at Christmas.

Yeah. You don't even spend time with your family. We're having a pre-Christmas. It's the same thing. It's just not on Christmas. Despite what you... What these two think of me, I'm not that materialistic I totally believe

In making presents For people at Christmas Are you doing homemade presents? Yeah I'm going to get Because I'm growing beetroot So I'm going to get beetroot for my guy I love growing beetroot It makes you feel like Maggie Barry in the 90s growing beetroot

What are you going to wrap us up at beetroot? Shut up I haven't. I love growing beetroot. It makes you feel like Maggie Barry in the 90s growing beetroot. What are you going to wrap us up with? Beetroot? Shut up. I haven't finished. I'm making beetroot pasta and then I'm going to dry it myself and package it up all pretty for our friends. What? Like...

Not for you. Like macaroni... It'll be like pink pasta. No. Like I might make little bows. Raviolis. Bows. Little bows.

Okay. And they'll be pink. And like I made it myself. What do you mean? I made you some juice. Yeah, you have to use some beetroot pulp. Okay, so you make the pulp. But that's like a homemade, all it's going to take is my time and some flour and some

beetroot. And sacrificing at least two tea towels. Yeah. That beetroot juice. It's a lot of car soap. But there's nothing wrong with doing homemade presents. It shows you put in the time and effort and some thought. Oh, if you've got kids, that's like, you just have a craft day.

Yeah, right. And that's my last tip. Kids don't really understand the value of money. They don't know that you've spent like $200 on a toy and they're probably going to get lots of toys. So buy them like a baking kit or something where afterwards you're actually spending time baking, decorating something because they'll remember that more than some other random toy they got.

And probably less expensive. Or go to like the $2 shop and get them heaps of random toys and dress up outfits. Much cheaper. Much more fun for the kids. Yeah, but I'm like, my kids are reaching that age where I can buy them things that I really want for myself and justify buying them a go-kart because I want a go-kart. Stop looking at that bloody go-kart. There's like a go-kart because I want a go-kart. Stop looking at that bloody go-kart. There's like a go-kart and it looks really good.

And I'm like, I'm buying it. I'll look after it until you kids are big enough to drive the go-kart. Oh, Dan, we can't even use this this year. You don't. You were just talking yesterday that you want a ride-on lawnmower. Look, I'm getting very excited. It's the festive season. Look what Dan got you for Christmas, a ride-on lawnmower.

Yeah, oh, you're going to have so much fun mowing the lawns, but not until I'm done. And until you're going to have so much fun mowing the lawns but not until I'm done. And until you're allowed to engage blades. Yeah, do not engage blades until you've passed the training course. Yeah, okay. Do not engage blades. Alright, well there you go. Some tips to save you money this Christmas. 33

days away. FBMZF. Oh, we're laughing because we're already discussing this story. A guy. I like to say, oh, no, don't say that. It's like, yeah, I'm not going to say that on here. It's just checking. Quite enjoy my employment.

It's just checking. You never know. So a husband and wife, their relationship has ended after he asked a question. So they were having a discussion. I'm going to preface this by saying that she has had previous sexual partners before they got married. He has not. She was his first. So she noticed that he'd been

distracted looking at other women. He was like, look, just in the streets, just out and about. Wear sunglasses. If you see me doing it, remind me. Tell me to stop. And she's like, look out and about. Wear sunglasses. If you see me doing it, remind me, tell me to stop. And she's like, look, that's not my job, mate. Like, you can stop yourself if you want to. So they got into a bit of a discussion and that's when he says.

Argument, argument. Discussion. There's always code for argument. That he's thinking a lot about what it might be like to have sex with someone else. Would she have a problem with that? This dude is a rookie. Yeah. No wonder he didn't have any sex before with her.

I'm surprised he even... I'm just thinking about what it would be like to have sex with another woman. Can I please do that? Like, why get married? Why just... I don't know. That's something you should think about before. But then a lot of people have open relationships, Vaughn.

Who could be bothered with the admin? I just... I don't... You're saying one's enough. I'm just saying that the admin of how you would just balance... Oh, no. Not for me. Now, just because I don't understand doesn't mean I don't agree because you can do how you would just balance. Oh, no. Now, just because I don't understand doesn't mean I don't agree because you can do whatever you want.

I don't care. But I could not. There's just no way because you'd just constantly be like, You'd be too jealous. Was she better than me? Like, how did we compare? Do you know what I mean? And you want to know and then that's a problem.

Yeah, I think some people are made for it and some people aren't. Definitely don't share my toys whatsoever. No, absolutely not. Well, he shouldn't be taking toys. To the new one. That's a hygienic thing, Megan. Yeah. He definitely shouldn't be sharing your toys.

Oh, wait, is he the toy? Yeah. Mr. Toy Boy. Yeah, okay. He's the toy. But see, you couldn't do it, but some people do and it works for them. Yeah, that's cool. That's all good.

But I just don't know how. I mean, I don't know how they do it, but. But what about just a pass card? Like, not necessarily like a relationship with someone else, like having a partner. Actually, I do know a couple who have been married and they've just decided to do an open relationship. And so the husband has a girlfriend. Yeah.

I know, right? That's like not even a passcard. That's just like open relationships. Did he bring it up? Because if you're the one that brings it to the discussion, you've got to let the other person make the first move on it. It was a mutual agreement, but someone had to make the... Exactly. I was a mutual decision here, but somebody had to float the idea.

Somebody had to bring it up. Somebody had to say it out loud. Risky business. That's weird to me because the people that I know that have done open relationships might have a few rules and it would be like they're still emotional and they've got that emotional connection. They're together. Yeah. You know, like they're best friends.

Yeah. But it's just hookups. You don't go out and get another boyfriend or another girlfriend. We're just dumb apes that drive cars. That's a difference. Yeah, see it's different for guys, right? You can hit it and quit it. No, I don't know.

Females are a bit more emotionally driven to that kind of thing. So to just say that it's not emotion. I think there would be males that are emotionally driven and females that aren't. Right. I just, yeah, I don't understand, but I'm not against it.

Well, I would love to take some calls on this. Like, has anybody been in an open relationship? Can it work? Or was it the end? Yeah. Like you were like, well, let's just try this. And it just went downhill. Are we including just like past parts?

They're always a bit, I'm going to say, they're always a bit weird the people in open relationships. Judging facts again? No, I know people in open relationships are normal.

Nah. There's always something bubbling under the surface, eh? No, you're, people think you're weird. I am weird, but it's a different sort of weird.

Everyone's a little bit weird. I shove myself off from the world and like, oh, don't talk to me. But that's weird different sort of weird. Everyone's a little bit weird. I'm trying to shove myself off from the world. But that's weird. Yeah, fine. It's fine. I'm fine with being weird. Everyone's a little bit weird. You're right.

Well, stop being judgy. I'm not totally disagreeing with Vaughn. Everyone's like, oh, no, we're happy. I saw the girl he hooked up with. She looked lovely. It's like, what? What is wrong with you? Fight her.

Fight for your man. All right. Well, 0800-DARLS-IT-M. 9696. We want to hear from you. Can open relationships work? Have they, in your experience, or was it like the end?

Maybe you've got some friends that do this. Yeah. Maybe you've got some advice. Talking about open relationships, do they work? Can they work? A guy has gone viral online. This is from Reddit, isn't it? Yeah, so a woman's like, well, my husband asked if he could sleep with other women.

No one specifically, and she was like, do you want a divorce? He's like, no, no, no. I just want to like sleep around a wee bit. And Vaughn thinks that's weird. I mean, I couldn't handle it in my relationship, but I know that there are people who do, you know, have open relationships. That's good for them. Vaughn's a prude.

You're really vanilla. Vaughnilla. Vaughnilla. Vaughnilla. Vaughnilla. Occasionally I put a bit of chocolate sauce on the top, but that's enough. I don't know what the analogy,

in the analogy I don't know what the chocolate sauce was. Just, I really like that stuff that if we're talking about being, okay guys. Choc ice. Yeah. Yeah. And you pour it on and it goes hard and you crack it with a spoon. And you crack it.

Don't tell me I don't know how to live. I can imagine you trying to spice things up in the bedroom, taking some chocolate sauce upstairs and Charlotte's like, no, I'm not going to do that. You're going to make a mess. I just washed this. I'll be like, I know, I don't know what I was thinking. I do apologise.

It's as spicy as it gets. We're like Ned Flanders in his life. Good morning, anonymous caller. Hello, how are you? Good. Now, you are in an open relationship. Yes, that's the way we started. We're now actually in a polygamous relationship with another couple.

So, who started the conversation? Because one of you had to bring it up. I did, actually. Right. And what made you bring it up? I had depression. I was going through a bad time and I didn't have any friends apart from workmates. And I really, really wanted someone who would understand what it's like to be a woman who's going through a really bad time.

And I've always been bisexual. And, yeah, I kind of floated the idea of adding another woman to the mix. And my husband, being a boy, was all over it. He was like, let me think about this. Yes, loophole. Loophole. So, yeah, we sort of started by adding another woman. And that was fantastic.

And we loved it. And, yeah. So it's the same woman now. You're in a, what are you, in a? Pull it. So it's the same woman now you're in a, what are you, in a political? No, it's not the same woman. This was about four years ago. And we've just had a couple of flings since then. And there was one serious moment that she ended up sort of going her own way. So do you think it helped your relationship?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, you guys are still together and I guess if it works for you then that's awesome. Yeah, no, it's fantastic. It's really, really good to have that level of trust because if you don't have that, like people who try swinging or whatever

to try and save their relationship or spice it up, no, you start before you start. You absolutely have to have a real solid relationship. You have to be able to trust each other. Vaughan's like, I could have... I just would get jealous of the other female. Yeah, sounds tiring. How do you not get jealous of her?

Like, what if she's hotter and stuff? See, I thought I would have that problem, but after the first time I was like, you know what? I'm good because... No, because she's into girls. Oh, yeah. It's the bisexual loop I was like, you know what, I'm good because... No, because she's into girls. Oh, yeah. It's the bisexual loophole. Yeah, right.

Right. But see, even if I wasn't, there's still, you know, he married me. He has children with me. At the end of the day, he's coming home with me. He's mine, you know? So, yeah. What about Megan, your friend's, she's got another boyfriend. No, the husband's got a girlfriend.

Sorry, the husband's got a girl. Is that a bit weird? No, I don't think so because we're actually in a polygamous relationship with another couple at the moment. And the other husband and I really, really clicked really well. And the other wife and my husband are good mates as well. No, but that's all mutual. Like, you all get along, but he doesn't share his girlfriend. Do you know what I mean? So it's like...

Yeah, yeah, I suppose. But I mean, for me personally, it wouldn't be an issue. Like, it's happened before. Like, my husband's gone off and had a bit of a fling with another girl and I wasn't involved. But I knew all about it. I knew when he was going to meet her. Megan's like, no bloody way. I will fight her. I'm going to float the idea as a trap and see what he says.

Yes! That's 100% what I'd be like. No, it's a trap. No one tell him. That's 100%. I'd be like, yeah, if Sade said something, I'd be like. No, it's a trap. No one tell him. That's 100%. I'd be like, yeah, if Sade said something, I'd be like, well, this is a trap. Oh, and by the way, Vaughn,

if you're thinking of chocolate sauce, for God's sake, put a blanket down. Oh, chocolate sauce. I thought you were going to make a proposition to my wife. Oh, prank yourself. No, but I was like, you heard the tone in it. I was like, oh, and Vaughn. I was like, no, no, no.

Just trying to help you with the chocolate sauce. Anonymous caller, thank you so much. We've got another anonymous caller. You're in an open relationship with your girlfriend? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am. Who floated the idea? I'm just always keen to know how it starts. Well, she did.

Really? I have a pretty voracious sort of sexual appetite. That's a nice way of putting it. I was wondering where that was going. Yeah. Yeah, and she can't quite handle it all the time, so she said that she needed someone to take the pressure off of her. She needed to, like, bring in a reserves bench.

Like back in the day when the Warriors didn't have the fitness for a full 80 minutes and they had a couple of power players off the bench. Did you struggle at all with jealousy or anything? Or did she? No, no, no. She's had someone to tag her in. So if I'm not up for it, then, you know, she's got someone

she can go to. But she said initially that your person was to cover your insatiable appetite, but now you've eaten too much at that buffet

and you've come home, you're full. She's like, well, I was going to serve some food and so she had to find someone to eat the buffet

that she was, okay, yep. Yeah. Okay. How long have you guys been together in this way? Oh, a couple of years. Wow. Okay, and it's working.

So that's the thing. If it's working, then, you know, you can't... Fault it? Can't fault it. Can you anonymous things who you call? Yeah, some text messages in. A good friend of mine recently started dating a hot Polish married man. Okay.

What a digs. A hot Polish married man. She's even started calling him her boyfriend. Right. It's been a couple of months, but apparently the husband and wife decided recently to try an open marriage. See, but this doesn't sound like she's talked about this with the wife because there's been a few text messages in

that said girls got into relationships with guys who said they were in an open marriage, but then they met the wife and the wife attacks them physically in the face. Right. Oh, no, no, no. I'm in an open... Aren't you married? I'm in an open marriage.

Always ask the wife if she's aware. I'd ask some ballsy guys to pull that off, eh? Someone said the trick to the open relationships is to communicate this early before it's, you know, official in a proper big grown-ups relationship. Like on a first date. Bringing up a surprise later is a bad way to bring it up. Also, it needs to be open and honest the whole time. There can be no dishonesty.

Do you think there's just some people that just don't, like some people are like hard monogamy and then some people aren't wired that way. Hard, rich, wood, mahogany. Yeah. You know, and then some people just function better in polygamy or open relationships. What you're saying is everyone's different, Megan? Yeah, you know.

If it's not for me, doesn't mean it's not for someone else. Oh, I'm not saying it's not. You do what you want. You're an adult. And as long as everybody's giving consent and the laws aren't been broken, that's absolutely fine. And everyone's happy. But should I, Warren? I couldn't.

No way. Maybe just get that chocolate sauce out tonight. Fact of the day, day's a fish that can be used as a candle. Oh, no. Nemo. No, it's not a clownfish. Oh, you mean it's just a light? No, it's a fish.

But you can light it like a witch? Like a candle. Yeah. Oh. No, it's a fish. But you can light it like a wick? Like a candle, yeah. So the candlefish, it gets so fat during spawning, and they swim up river to spawn. It gets so fat that if you catch it and dry it and then put a wick through it and light the wick. Oh, no, I can see it.

It's happened on Google Image. That's really mine. It can be used as a candle. Does it smell, though? Because it's got such a high fat content. Good question. I'd imagine it would smell pretty nasty. But you've got to try it first.

So they look like little sardines kind of, don't they? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was going to say they're a smelt, which they do. They would smell. But, yeah, the smelt is the family of fish that it comes from. Right, okay. And yeah, it's just during the spawning season, it has to fatten up because it's got such a journey ahead of it.

Right. And then up the river it goes, and it's got so much fat in it that yeah, if you dry it out and stick a wick in it, you can use it as a candle. Oh. And that's its name. Often it will be referred to as the candlefish. Right.

We'll take this back in the day when you can go and buy a lovely scented aquaia And that's its name. Often it will be referred to as the candlefish. Right. We'll take this back in the day when you can go and buy a lovely scented acquaia. Oh, and for living and giving. Next best thing. Yeah. Oh, what have I got here? I'll just unwrap my Christmas present. Oh, you shouldn't have.

Oh, my God. I love this one. Is this French pear? It is. It's a fish with a pear inside it. Given to me by a French person. So, yes, it's the candlefish French pear, and I'll smell that. So they've been using them for quite some time.

Okay. Generations and generations have been using the candlefishes in place of candles during times of candle shortage because they used to make candles out of all sorts of animal fats. Is this in America? Yes. Okay, right. Yeah, yeah, on the Californian coast all the way out to Alaska. Right.

So all tribes all the way through Canada, Alaska and America use this as a trick there on that coast, on the West Coast. So today's fact of the day is there's a fish that can be used as a candle. Fact of the day, day, day, day, okay. Producer Caitlin. Good morning, class. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss. Thank you for joining me today. I had to.

Every day we've been taking questions based on subjects that are happening today in NCEA. Now, before we get into the questions, Vaughan, calm down. I do have a special guest on the phone. Oh, God. With some inspiration today, so that you can concentrate a little bit harder. Good morning, Miss Le... Ah, I knew I was going to sum this up. Good morning, Mrs Le Nedelec.

Oh, well done. Oh, my God. Hello, Megan. Oh, I'm so, so proud of you. Oh, I'm so proud. proud of you. You are amazing. What's she done? Hello. I will remember you.

You were just a delightful student and a real asset to Neyland College. See you, Vaughan. What did you teach her in? English. Oh, okay. I was really good, eh? What did you teach her in? English. Oh, okay. I was really good, eh?

You are superb. And that means you're going to be superb answering the questions today. No pressure. Oh, my God, this is so special. I'm pretty sure if you got my English teacher on the phone, she'd call me an arsehole. I know. She's speaking not the Queen's English, then. I'm pretty sure if you got my English teacher on the phone, she'd call me an arsehole. I know. She's speaking not the Queen's English, too.

Excuse my French. Mrs Linear-Lick was my favourite teacher. Oh, you're lovely. Can you? You were a star pupil. Just to see how you've gone on in your career is just one of those really, really special things for a teacher. The more nice things you say to her, the worse we're going to have to be to her after the show.

Be nice to Megan. You just told them that I won the award for potential to make a difference. Do you remember? Oh, yeah. No, don't laugh. And that potential has just been unrecognised. That's the saddest part about it.

It's still to come. Still to come. Oh, I think this is wonderful, Beacon, and all the best for answering the questions. Thank you. Well, you've done all right the last couple of weeks, haven't you, answering the questions? Yeah, I'm good at English.

Very good at English. The other one's not so much. We don't actually have any English questions today, so sorry. Oh, darn. Oh, that's unfair. Oh, damn. Okay, the first... So we've got level one Japanese. Now the question is...

Well, no, actually I'm going to play some audio. Can you translate this sentence, please? Absolutely not. Did you listen? Were you listening? There's a pop singer in there. Really? There's a pop singer.

No idea. I know how to count to like seven in Japanese. That's the extent of it. Okay, the answer was, the answer was, answer was do you have britney spears on karaoke did you not hear britney spears no play it again all right no one gets that question. Level two, economics. What is the definition of the OCR?

The definition? Or what it stands for? What it stands for? Well, obviously we all know what it stands for. What is it? Oh, you wouldn't have known before. I did. I did economics. What is...

No, I'm out. I thought you meant the acronym. The official cash rate. And what does it stand for What's the definition of it The amount that your money's worth Or something Not quite

The reserve Guys come on I know that when it goes up Like interest rates go up And when it goes down The interest rates go down You could have just said that That's pretty much it

The official cash rate Is an interest rate Set by the Reserve Bank. I didn't know that. I always thought it was something else but it was just like directly affected it. It influences all of the interest rates. God, we're failing so far, guys. Absolutely failing. This is so embarrassing.

Okay, finally. Scholarship Geography. Okay. Fletch, I'm looking at you. Okay. How many Great Lakes are there? Vaughan. And can you name two of them?

Seven. Wrong. Fletch? Eleven. Wrong. Eight. Eight. There's five.

There's five. Can you name... You can't get it right after you've got it wrong. Is this in New Zealand or...? No, it's in Canada, right? Great Lakes in the world? Oh, I don't know. There's only five Great Lakes in the whole world.

I thought they were all right beside each other in America and Canada. Lake Taupo's a Great Lake. That's a pretty Great Lake. That's a Great Lake. Wakatipu, that's a pretty Great Lake. It's a Great Lake too. It's cold, but it's a Great Lake. It's a good lake.

Yeah. Okay. Do you want to name five of them then? Well, I can name the five, yes. There's Superior. Yeah. Huron. I thought it was Supreme.

Michigan. Yeah. Ontario. Ontario. Yeah, and Erie. Ontario. What did they get anyway? They all run inside each other.

And there's an acronym. There's an acronym for all five of them, but I just don't remember what it was. They make up the largest body of fresh water on earth. Yep. Right. That's a dismal failure, Mother. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Linny Delect, who's listening. So we're not very good at...

We're English stars. Yeah. See? Yeah, we are. I got a vouch by one of my teachers. I was an English star. Thank you so much, Mrs. Lunita Lack. Oh, that's fine.

It's lovely to talk to you. You take care. I will. FVM, the podcast. Something's been done in New Zealand. I thought it sort of been done ages ago. But a Japanese freestyle motocross rider's ridden around the Sky Tower. You know, the walking platform that when you see the people

on the orange walking around the Skywalk. Yeah. They have to go all the way around. Okay. He's ridden around there on a motocross bike. But the headline got me. It was like a freestyle motocross rider. Taka Higashino nails first round.

And I'm like, wow. And I clicked on it. He's got safety ropes on. I was going to say, he would have to have safety ropes on. Why? Just tell everybody get out from underneath it

in case he falls off. But, what's the excitement in that? What happens if it goes wrong? Well, then he doesn't successfully do it. We don't need him to die. I don't need him to die, but I need him to show me that he was willing to.

Also, I'm sure Sky City wouldn't let him do it if there was a potential for him to die. Why? I don't think they want a... They've got a casino downstairs. They're all about the roll of the dice. No. Or about a bit of a gamble. How's in safety worn?

Oh, come on. I mean, if it was the 70s, they probably would have let him. Or the 80s. Or as I like to call them, the good old days. PC madness. It is, it is, it's Megan. You're right. It's osh, bloody osh, bogosh, bureaucratic red tape nightmare.

No, but he still did it because he didn't drive off the side. So it was still successful, even though he had safety ropes on. Yeah, but he was relying on the ropes. No, he wasn't relying on the ropes. The it was still successful, even though he had safety ropes on. Yeah, but he was relying on the ropes. No, he wasn't relying on the ropes. The ropes were there to catch him if he falls. It's like saying, marionette puppet walks by himself. But he didn't because he had ropes on. He's so argumentative today.

Now, Pinocchio, he cut this. I am. You know, I'm real tired. Yeah. I'm just life tired at the moment. Life tired. Life tired. Yesterday afternoon, I was reading a book to my

daughters and I felt myself falling asleep as I was reading. I was set up and I started falling asleep and I started feeling my words slur and then I was reading words that weren't there and then I was like and stopped and they're like dad and I was like and I

kind of come to and they're both just looking at me and be like, are you alright? Should we call 111? Because I'm learning about 111. And they're both super eager to call 111. Oh no. Like, if something happens to us, there'll be an argument over who gets to make the emergency call. Yeah, right. Because they've both been learning about it. Right.

Yeah. And then we play the game like, if this happened and you had to ring 111, who would you ask for? Okay. You see to ring 911, who would you ask for? Like, you see a car accident, who do you ask for? In August, it's always just like, all of them. Make it rain. Get them all here. And not because she wants everything.

She just wants to see them all lined up. Make it a party. All the different sirens and see all the different lights. But yeah, it's just like, bleh. And came to them, they're like, are you all right? Do we need to call 111? Are you having a stroke? I was like, I think I'm okay. I think and came to them and they're like, are you alright? Do we need to call 111? Are you having a stroke? I was like,

I think I'm okay, I think I'm just tired. They were like, have a coffee then because that's all. I was like, alright, I'll shake it off.

ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. We can do it, David, we can.

ZDM.