ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 26 2018

Episode Date: November 25, 2018

Alarms were going off yesterday, Vaughan is on a power trip and what did you dump?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Thanks, Anja. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, a presidential alert? Yes. Yoo-hoo. I didn't get a fake, say what?

Nah, it was from parallel imported phones, right? Oh, right. It was from phones imported from other countries. Like if you got your phone in America or something? Yeah. Okay. I think it's got an inbuilt emergency function. Right.

And if you bought it in another country, it's inbuilt emergency function from the president. It'd say, El Presidente. Yeah. Right. Okay. Yas. It'd be great if it was all in Spanish. That'd be a Presidente. Yeah. Right. Okay. Yas. It'd be great if it was all in Spanish.

That'd be a real treat. Yeah. Like there's a tsunami coming, but it's all in Spanish. Yeah, you're like, ah. Just put exclamation marks. They don't know it's serious. Or no, just a wave emoji. And then like people, people, people.

And then someone running. And then the guy running. But I don't know which way the runner's going because you'd want them running away from the wave, not to all, because you might be them running away from the wave, not towards, because you might be like, presidential warning, surf's up. This is presidential warning, seek higher ground.

I'll check right now, actually, which way the man's running. Oh, it's good. You got to know. But it's weird because it doesn't, it didn't stay on my phone as a message. Mine does. Oh, here it is.

It's running towards the wave. Oh, you can have the dancing lady. She's dancing away from the wave. Yeah, but it's not the time to sashay away from the wave. It's the time to move your arse and get it done. Alright, top six is coming up.

Yep. What did we decide on for that? Oh yeah, I got that written down actually. Sometimes I forget what I've started working on. Top six other annoying pet hobbies. Apparently, get bloody, get your bloody ears around this. Vegan and vegetarian dogs and cats on the rise in New Zealand. Give me strength! Give me strength.

God, can you imagine how annoying a vegetarian dog would be? What's this? It's a horse, I think. Oh, I'm vegetarian now. Are you? Get out. Get out. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. All right, story time. Three news headlines. For the three interesting, unusual, quirky, bizarre news stories that I've found, all three of these great today. All three great stories today. Headline one, rough way to go. Rough way to go.

Rough way to go. Spelled R-U-F-F. Like rough. Eaten by a dog. No. That's happening on the TV show I'm watching. An old lady died in her apartment and the dog, her dog started eating her hands. What TV show is that?

Shameless. You guys ever watch Shameless? No. Shit, it's good. There's always something happening. Always something happening. It usually happens in TV dramas. Oh, I know, but like,

if there's so many characters and they've all got something going down. It's a great show. I can't recommend it highly enough. Headline two, Tattoo celebrates ornate love. And headline three, very hairy 15-year-old.

Number three. Number three. Don't laugh. Number three. I don't know if we should laugh. This is a bizarre story. I'd like it noted that I Don't laugh. Number three. I don't know if we should laugh. This is a bizarre story. I'd like it noted that I didn't laugh. I'm holding off until I hear the story.

I don't know why we haven't heard about this in the news here. Maybe I've missed it. Okay. Well, anyway, we go now to the UK where a schoolboy, an investigation has been launched after a pupil posted a picture of their new classmate in uniform on Snapchat, saying, how's a 30-year-old man in our maths class? I saw this! You did see it?

I saw that my mate sent it to me. So showing you a picture now, that's a picture of him in uniform. Wow. With a bit of a five o'clock shadow. This is when pupils became a little bit suspect. Here's a photo they found on a social media account of him with a full moustache and beard. He's a grown-ass

man pushing his late twenties. So is he a grown-ass man or is he 15? So he's a grown-ass man. At Stoke High School. This happened in the UK. He's 6'1". Oh, my God.

He's not 15. In fact, he's not even 30. I think he's a little bit older, 32. Why was he there? So, no. So apparently he had sent some text messages to some pupils, but none were of a sexual nature, and apparently he is an asylum seeker.

Oh. What, so he's trying to... Well done, let him stay. I'm all for asylum seekers proving a good little skill that we can put to use. But you weren't blending in, mate. No, not really. Pick somewhere else where you'd actually fit in.

My friend Orban sent me this because he said, do you reckon I can pull this off? Because he's got a baby face and he can't grow a beard. He does, he does. And he's little, he's short. Yeah. And we were all like, yes, if any of our mates could. And so now we're, he lives in England,

so it's a bit hard to do it by distance. Yeah. But if they ever move back here, we're going to enroll him in high school to see how many lessons we can get them, like, how hard it is to fake. You'll get them arrested. All worth it.

Well, apparently pupils became suspicious when they saw the clean-shaven pupil appear to have shadow and beard on his face. They then discovered the Facebook profile described him as having been an architecture student in Iran before living in Germany. The pictures of the now deleted profile showed him with a beard and drinking a bottle of beer, including images of him with, I believe, family. And yeah, that's when it all became unravelled.

He should have deleted his Facebook profile or changed his name. But then apparently he told some kids during lunchtime that he was married with kids. What? So good. Why? I don't know what was going on and what he was thinking. He was an architect in Iran. Yeah.

They didn't go to graphics or whatever. What do they call that? Tech drawing. They always change the names of what everything's called in schools. Yeah. But he'd be correcting the teacher. Yeah. No, no, no, no.

You can't put the load-bearing wall there. Absolutely not. Move it over there, you've got more room for the walk-in wardrobe. But as you can imagine, parents are like, how did you let this happen? Like, I'm assuming he went to the school and met with the principal or the staff and they enrolled him.

Yeah. Weird. Yeah, g'day, I'd like to enroll, please. Yeah. Your son. Yep. He's now being, he'll basically claim asylum, and if he doesn't get that, he'll be thrown out of the country.

Oh. Probably the wrong way about going about that, but yeah. Yeah, right. Yeah, going straight into high school and posing as students. Yeah. Never a great idea, even if you're a resident. Well, at least I poses a year 11. What?

That's 15. 15. Yeah, 15. Okay. So go for, you know,'re a resident. Well, at least as close as a year 11. Like, 15. Yeah, 15. Okay. So go for, you know, your last year of high school at least. Yeah. Because, you know, at least you start to have a little bit of a wispy moustache by then. Or a student teacher. Yep.

Do they run thorough backgrounds on teacher aides and that sort of stuff? I'd say so. I bet some schools would be so thinly stretched. If you turned up and said, I'm the new teacher aide from, I don't know, the government department of teachers. They'd be like, oh yeah, sure, room 14. All right, I'll fill out the form at lunchtime to get paid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sweetheart. I'd think it wouldn't be as loose as that. You don't know. I'm going to try it on the way home. Oh, my God. Hey, sorry I'm late. I know, bad luck on the first day. But I'm here.

I'm the student teacher. Like the last week of school. I know. Amazing. So where am I starting? You're not getting anywhere near a school with that beard. This is a commanding beard. It's about time kids learnt some bloody respect.

And this beard's bringing them that respect. All three of us get up before 6am, obviously. Otherwise we would be pushing it. I'd say most people listening on their way to work would be up quite early, Megan. This is great news for everyone listening and everyone here at work today.

Because early rises, it can contribute to you having better mental health. So if you get up before, this is specifically up before 6 a.m., you are 25% less likely to develop depression. I don't believe that I need a sleeping. But there's got to be a sweet spot. There's got to be a Goldilocks though because then if you got up too early,

you wouldn't be getting any sleep. I totally understand how easy it is. Like when I was unemployed and you just didn't get up and then you stayed up real late at night and you were working outside of daylight hours, you weren't getting enough light. But also the time that you start work dictates when you get up. So like if you start work at, like I used to start work at 10,

so you'd get up at nine. But you could have got up at six and maybe like done more, gone to the gym. Oh yeah, when we were at the afternoons, 10 o'clock was a pretty early morning. 10 o'clock,

baby, I got my life on track. Dictates when you get up, but it probably shouldn't. Because apparently this is all because we are wired to be up with the sun and go to sleep with the sun. So 6am

that's when the sun starts to rise, right? We didn't have curtains, did we, in the caves? And now everyone's pushing it because we're going out real late at night and it's well dark. And we're binging Netflix. Do you know what's always blowing my mind? With Americans, their primetime television's on at 11 o'clock at night. Like the late show and stuff, it's like Well, and we're binging Netflix. Do you know what's always blowing my mind with Americans? Their primetime television's on at 11 o'clock at night.

Like the late show and stuff, it's like 11.30 at night. Is that primetime though? Yeah, it is. Like Big Bang Theory, which is their big show, is on at like 8.30, 9. Like New Zealand, that's almost too late, hey? Yeah. I think after like 9.30 they start putting on the crap, don't they? Yeah.

Your big shows are 8.30. Or your adult content. What's prime time here? Like 7 till 9? 7 till 9, I think, yeah. Because we just get home from work and we're like, done. Sleep. Not moving. Watch TV for two hours and sleep.

Yeah, go to sleep. Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, it's a really unusual one. Yeah. Our late day function. So yeah, apparently it's better for your mental health. So if you're feeling a bit tired this morning, it's good for you. Yeah.

Well, how tired? Maybe you should go to bed earlier. That's the key, right? Yeah. But then that's hard. Because you're going to miss out on something. Just, yeah. Like, yeah.

I'm tired in the afternoon, but then when it gets into the night, I'm not as tired anymore. Then you wake up and you're tired. Yeah. Well, it in the afternoon, but then when it gets into the night, I'm not as tired anymore. Then you wake up and you're tired. Yeah. It's weird being a human. Sometimes you just look at the cat and you're like, you've got the right idea. Just sleeping all the time.

You're sleeping and the cat's like, might do something. No timetable. Feed me. Yeah. Have I been fed today? I don't know. I'll meow until I get some more food. I can't remember if I've been fed.

FEM. ZM. The single-use plastic bag eliminated from supermarkets but still used everywhere else that you've ever do retail shopping. Some are getting rid of them, but most still have them. Yeah. Where did I go yesterday? And they were like, do you want a bag?

Oh, it's a bakery. They're like, do you want a bag? And I was like, oh. And I almost felt like, oh, heaven's not. Like guilty if you take go yesterday and they were like, do you want a bag? Oh, it's a bakery. They're like, do you want a bag? And I was like, oh. And I almost felt like, oh, heaven's not. Like guilty if you take it. Oh my god, no. Literally drop a sausage roll as I walk out rather than take one of those dolphin smotherers.

That's how they should put it to you. Would you like a dolphin smotherer? And I'll be like, um... Yes. So it's the ban on single-use plastic bags is going the ban on single-use plastic bags is going to include all single-use plastic bags up to the thickness of 70 microns. So I've just looked up this.

Okay, that's quite heavy duty is 60 microns. I'm just looking up. I just Googled 70 micron plastic bag. Okay. You can get them from OfficeMax. Right. And they're like a heavy duty Ziploc bag. So that's quite a heavier.

That's quite a thick plastic. Yeah, yeah. Much thicker than your standard single use plastic bag. So this is a ban that's going to be all over New Zealand. Yes. And this is going to happen. Yes. So the ban will include multi-use nylon and polythene bags.

So this is what, so barrier bags for meat, fish, and vegetables will still be allowed. So what's that? Those are those little grey plastic bags. What are those? Barrier bags. Well, they're under the label, you want your meat in a separate bag. I'm always like, nah, chuck it in, Sue, who cares? But some people like their meat barrier wrapped in case there's some sort of chicken juice leakage.

Oh, yeah. But the supermarkets are really good at wrapping it up now, aren't they? Yeah, it used to be leaky. It's not so much anymore. Here's the other thing. We've banned plastic bags, but we're still like glad wrapping the SHIT out of meat, for example. It blows my mind.

I wanted a specific type of apple yesterday. Sade said I'm going to the supermarket what do you need? I said rose apples. Oh they're my favourite I always get those. Now she brought home

jazz apples so she's going to get a slap she's going to get a slap on the hand later. What are you talking about? Jazz? Jazz is alright it's my royal gala.

She's going to get us just a nightly I'm just going to say put your hand out this is a lot. Jazz is a top five apple but it's not number one rose, number one apple.

But she bought jazz apple. I will not be apple shamed, okay? I like jazz apple. As long as it's not Granny Smith, you won't be out. They're a little tarty. Rose has like a bitter skin. No. It does.

The skin tastes like sweet from skin decor. Yeah, it's a beautiful apple. It's a great apple. It's a a juicy apple. It's sweet from skin to core. Yeah, it's a beautiful apple. It's a great apple. It's a basic bitch apple. She brought home these apples and they were in like a plastic tub, plastic wrapped. I said, this is madness. That's not a rose apple.

No, you're another shocker. It is. Do you need the plastic bag for all your fruit? You don't. Yeah, I do. You don't. Well, how would I bring it to work? In a container?

Yeah, in a reusable container in a small reusable bag. Excuse me, does that say rose? Yes. It's a great apple. Thank you. Just showing Megan my rose apple. So I said it's weird that everything drives me nuts when I say bananas in a plastic bag.

They've got their own wrapper. Yeah, literally nature's like, hey, if you've got dirty hands, this is one of the good ones to eat. Yeah. Because you don't even need to touch it. That and mandarins, you can eat without touching the part you're eating. Question, though. Go ahead.

What do we use for, like, rubbish bin liners? That's my thing. I used to use the supermarket bags for the rubbish bin liners. And then there was this whole use paper, and here's an origami trick to bin line your thing. I'm like, but I don't get a paper. No, I don't either. And you get juices.

I don't discriminate. I don't even put dry objects in the bin. It's a wet area. It'm like, but I don't get a paper. No, I don't either. You get juices. I don't discriminate. I don't put dry objects in the bin. It's a wet area. It's everything, isn't it? But will they be banning, you know, how you buy specific...

Bin liners. Exactly, because they're thin plastic and they are literal single-use plastic bags. So single-use plastic bags, after I bin lined them, have now had two uses.

So that's a dual use. But anyway, I understand. But I'm just saying... But I went out and bought a massive roll for my rubbish bin. Which you wouldn't have done otherwise, I understand. But I'm just saying. But I went out and bought a massive roll for my rubbish bin. Which you wouldn't have done otherwise, right? And picking up dog turds.

It's more plastic bags that I would have used the supermarket bags for. No, just kick those in the bush now. Because the water, the rain will like get rid of it. Which is a really good point. As long as it's not going to get stood on. Yeah. It's going to break down quicker than the plastic bag you put it in. Yeah.

So would we be better to focus on banning plastic bags that are non-biodegradable and put our energy into it? Imagine if you were a New Zealand company and you could produce biodegradable plastic bags en masse. But you go to some veggie stores and stuff and they have those funny feeling plastic bags. Those light green ones. Yeah, biodegradable.

Why can't we just all use those? Yep. Okay. But then how long does it take for those to break down until they smother a dolphin? I don't know. Good question. I don't know. Can't we make ones that like... Like you wouldn't want to

take one straight out of the veggie store and throw it at a dolphin for example. Like once it's been through the landfill process it should be good. Happy Cyber Monday. Oh! Sorry. Yep. It is. One New Zealand Cyber Monday and I'm guessing tomorrow. It should be good. Happy Cyber Monday. Oh! Sorry, yep. It is.

One New Zealand Cyber Monday, and I'm guessing tomorrow. It'll roll over to tomorrow when America catches up. So two great days of online shopping, just in time for Christmas, 28 days away from Christmas, in fact. And I love everything Christmas. I'm, like, real festive. I love the cooking. I love the food.

I love the buying presents. I love the wrapping of the presents. You've done. You've even wrapped a lot of presents already. Yeah, I got my Christmas wrapping sorted, what it's going to be this year, the theme. Got my Christmas tree up. There's presents under the tree.

This is my theme for wrapping. Do we have any paper? Check the cupboard. Oh, no. There's only happy birthday paper. That'll do. Do it inside out. You give someone a gift, they put it under their tree.

They're not going to be like, well, that goes together with everything else. No, but while it's under my tree, everything matches. But what if under their tree it clashes? Yeah, that's upsetting. And what if someone

brings around a present and puts it under your tree and it doesn't match? I don't like that. Oh my God, I'm getting you a present. Yes, yes, yes. No.

Yes, yes, yes. I need to put it somewhere else. I'll bury it. Boxes way too big for the present. And really bad wrapping. Oh, I think... Abhorrent wrapping and a real clashing. Because what was it?

Black and silver. So... Oh, it's so cute. You're a leopard. Yeah. And you know what? I saw that. You do wrap a great present.

And I bought some silver mistletoe to put through the ribbon. And I bought silver bells. Orange and purple. I'm going to loop the bells through the ribbon. Is that clashing in with you? Yellow and... Or fluoro pink. That's not silver bells. Orange and purple. I'm going to loop the bells through the ribbon. Is that Kleschian for you? Yellow and... That's not even festive. Yellow.

No. Yellow and green. No, because green's semi-festive. Purple. Purple and yellow. Purple and yellow. Okay. So I really like it.

But for one in three people, it's really stressful and they will endure what is called festive burnout. Festive burnout. So that's 35% of people say they're burnt out before Christmas even comes. The average person spends 38 hours, nearly two days, preparing for Christmas in some form. You think about just even finding a park at the mall at this time of the year

is enough to give you festive burnout. That's why you do it online. It gets sent to your door. You don't need to go online. Yeah, online's pretty great. Yeah, but then the couriers are the 35%

that have festive burnout because people like you are working them to the bone. So you'll spend 13 hours looking for a present. Okay. Like, well, not one present for doing your Christmas shopping.

You can spend nine hours and 17 minutes in the kitchen like cooking the dinner. So all up 38 hours. Well, see, I made the mistake of cooking the Christmas turkey on the barbecue a couple of Christmases ago and everybody was like, that was good. Oh, nice. And now it's your thing.

So, yeah, now that's. Because mum said to me, you're not going to be here first thing Christmas morning. You might have to tell your father how to do it. But that's a real, she knows I'm going to be like. Oh, do it. He's kind of like a quick-seer sausage guy. Yeah, he'll chuck it in. Yeah, no. Yeah, yeah.

Crank it up high and just try to do it the best. You know? It's a low and slow process. You've gone against my life motto there. Yeah. You've gone and got good at something. No, but it's good because I can get it going and then just not

be in, just to be chilling. Yeah. It's good. I love the cooking and everything. I love all of it. Like, just put some music on and get into the spirit of things. Fletcher's just like, oh, crap. No, but some people put a lot on themselves, don't they? They stress themselves. Yeah, or delegate. You don't have to do all the cooking yourself.

Delegations are good. Yes. It's a good skill to have, delegation. Yeah. You know when you hear about someone like, they don't share the workload

and they're putting too much on themselves. I'm like, they're morons. Like, come on, idiot. What would that be like? Yeah, I know. What would that be like

taking on work that you could not just like palm off to somebody else? That's weird. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. Today's Top Six deals with our vegetarian and vegan dogs.

Now, I don't want to, the worrying thing is when you say there's a rise in vegetarian dogs in New Zealand is that people are imagining like every fifth person is putting their dog on a vegetarian or vegan diet or that vegans and vegetarians put their dogs on diets like this. That's not the case most of the time. And also you're assuming that it's bad without having done any research

because dogs are actually omnivores and they can survive on a vegetarian diet. And you can argue as long as you're making sure they're getting enough protein. You can argue that we should be doing less to eat meat. And more to eat less meat. The dogs, they were eating meat a long time ago. A long time before we buggered it up and started farming. They used to hunt them in the wild. I mean, the picture is a chihuahua cross.

I'm doubting that thing ever took down like a bloody wildebeest. Don't be doggist. Oh, I'm being doggist. So, you know. I think I saw one of those yesterday. One of those? The real little and big eyes. Oh, you guys are so awful.

Dog, I'm doggist. Chihuahuas need love too. But they talked to one woman specifically. She said her dog Wicket is a Chihuahua cross. He's happy on chickpeas and carrots. How much? That would cost more than like cheap dog food, right? That would be so expensive.

Yeah, but the onus is I'm not really comfortable killing another animal to have an animal. But then, they've killed each other forever. Yeah, okay. Whatever floats your boat. But if the dog's healthy, what do you care?

Like the dog's happy and healthy. It's all good. Wow. That's not a real bloody dog anyway, is it? It really annoys you, doesn't it? It really gets you good up, eh? Really offended by it. Oh, yeah.

I'm just saying if it was in the wild, yeah, if it was like Really hungry And it came across The ear of corn It might be like Out of desperation I will But then

Next to it was Was A piece of game To chase and eat It was It's not going to put The corn is it It's going to get

Into that yummy meat Mind you Half of what I feed my dog Probably doesn't even Constitute as meat But that's like People at buffets that go for steamed vegetables when there's all that other nice stuff. It's like, come on, you're at a buffet.

What did you come to a buffet for? Yeah, exactly. The top six other annoying pet lifestyles. Please, just if you're listening to this, do what I do. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and just be like, their opinion doesn't matter. Continue. The top six other annoying pet lifestyles.

Number six, a cat that does LARP. What's LARP? Live action role play. You fell into the trick of asking what LARP is because now I'm going to tell you about LARP. This is what the cat does. Cat, do you, um, can you go outside? I can't.

I'm making a LARP costume. You're like, what's LARP? Well, it's where me and my friends get together and we live action role play. And then they chase each other around. I've seen some of those people in parks. They're very into it. Yeah, no, good on them.

They're like a step, put them on par with cosplay people actually, really into their costumes. They make their costumes and stuff. Neat little hobby. Love to tell you about it. Number five on the list of the top six other annoying pet lifestyles

are a sheep that thinks it makes really nice tasting homebrew. You know, people who make homebrew are always like, look, I know you've had other homebrew and you didn't like it, but this, this is good homebrew. It's like, yeah, but you put hours into it, so I think you're biased when it comes to the taste, but yep, no, tastes like shit. As expected, just don't push it on me.

Number four on the list of the top six annoying pet lifestyles, a dog that does F45. It would be really annoying. What are you panting for? All right, as soon as I asked, don't you spend F45. Really? Because you didn't put a photo of it online. How do I know I believe you?

I'm my dog. I don't have the opposable thumbs to take a good selfie. After you're 45, you're just going to have to believe me. Number three on the list of the top six other annoying pet lifestyles. A llama on the keto diet. Is that groan? No, no, I can't. Sorry, I'm doing keto.

Oh, don't tell me about keto. Glad you asked. Keto diets. Number two on the list of the top six other annoying pet lifestyles. A parrot that does amateur theatre and won't stop singing. Why are you always singing, parrot? Well, I've got a practice for Joseph and the Technicolor Dreamcoat. We've got a production in the next two months.

I don't know any songs from Joseph and the Technicolor Draincoat. What's it called? Joseph. Joseph. Joseph. Joseph. I'm just following. You lead.

I'll follow. Joseph. Joseph. Joseph. Ah! What an amazing coat you wear. Ah! Joseph! Ah! Joseph! Ah! What an amazing coat you wear! Ah! It's not too far off the song. See, I told you I could write a musical.

I'll write the lyrics. Somebody else take care of all the hard stuff. And the number one on today's top six annoying pet lifestyles would be an atheist hamster. Just running on its wheel and then someone comes around and they're just like, you watched that show, really interesting thoughts on modern religion. And it's like, what's that? I was just, you don't believe in all that shit, do you?

You're a hamster. You're running on a wheel. Can we, yeah, well, whatever. I'll just go back to, just don't talk about it around me and you'll be, I won't, I won't scoff. As an atheist,

I can say these sorts of things as fellow atheists. We do love doing, that, that's our lead in. Or this, this again. I love,

that's my favourite. Yeah. Ah, here we go. Ah, that is my favourite. Yeah. Oh, here we go. That is today's top six. FVM, the podcast. Hugh Hefner died September 2017, and at the moment some of his more famous items are on display.

His pipe, his famous dinner jacket. The burgundy dinner jacket. Yeah. And a few of his other items. They're going to be auctioned off. Right. And the proceeds are going to go to a charity. But one thing that we're learning

and not on the collection up for auction is Hugh Hefner's collection of adult movies that he made starring himself. Hugh Hefner's collection of adult movies that he made starring himself. Hugh Hefner, founder of Playboy, slept with many Hollywood starlets over the years in his younger years. I mean, probably a lot of them we wouldn't have even heard of because they would have been the movie stars of like the 50s and 60s. Yeah.

But he slept with a lot of them, a lot of photos, and even intimate dirty letters. Right. Like Instagram DMs of the 1960s. A handwritten filthy letter. Sup. Oh, I've got to send this back. 2 a.m., get out the pad.

You're like, hey, baby, what are you doing? You still up? Can I get this curry to somebody please so he had a collection of them and we are now learning that before he passed away in 2017

he had these buried at sea he had a specifically made casket for them so like a coffin he had it lined with cement so it would be heavy

yeah and then he had it dumped at sea. No word on its airtightness. Right. Because if something was like securely wrapped in cement, wouldn't it be airtight? The cement might have just lined the casket.

Water could probably get in where they nailed it down. But he would want water to get in, wouldn't he? Because otherwise. Exactly. It would be preserved. And then somebody could find it. Unless he's doing a treasure hunt. Oh. And there are some Because otherwise. Exactly. It would be preserved. And then somebody could find it. Unless he's doing a treasure hunt. Oh.

And there are some coordinates somewhere. Yeah. And he wants people to find it. No, he obviously doesn't. He's like. It's like the ultimate geocache. Yeah. Pretty much.

You find the clues, you solve it, and at the end you get huge. I mean, again, not necessarily something you'd want to see. You'd rather burn something than dump it at sea. Well, then you know that it's gone. Yeah. Dumping it at sea, it could like crack open. Something might hit it and could crack open and then it'll wash up on the shore.

It's a bit hard in California to light a fire in your backyard. Probably doesn't end well. Often is under drought conditions. But yeah, he had to do a discreet dump. I mean, a discreet dumping. A discreet dump is where you snack off without telling anybody where you're going and you're gone for like 15 minutes doing plays. But a discreet dumping is what we want to

talk about now. What did you have you had to get rid of but it had to be a little bit on the down low? Like when you push it right to the bottom of the bin. Yeah. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Like you can't just chuck it on top of the wheelie bin because... But then don't put it right at the bottom because when the rubbish truck comes, if it's the last thing out and they're already putting the bin halfway back down,

it could spill on the ground. What are you referring to, you two? Well, no, I'm more meaning like, say, for example, here's an example. You were on a diet with your partner. Oh, yeah. And you had, like, packets of biscuits and chippies. So you push them right to the bottom and then cover it with other rubbish so they don't know that you've been eating biscuits.

Healthy stuff. Yeah. Or another example would be, for example, if someone started cohabitating with their partner and they had had a collection of adult literature before they started cohabitating. So they needed to get rid of it. But it required like a, a sneaky dump.

A discreet dumping. Like, you go down, and maybe behind the Dominion Road shops, there was a dumpster that one of the restaurants used, and you tipped it in there. I'm just hypothetical. Or, like, when you buy clothes, and you want to pretend it's been in your wardrobe for ages,

and you take the tags off, and you bury the tags in the bin. Yeah. Now I get it. So you're just finding what you can relate to. You have done a discreet dumping. Yeah. But then there are people that-

This gets porn on shopping. That's your triangle of making everybody relate to the story. I had a friend who needed to get rid of an old bed and they discreetly dumped that. And undiscreetly, like on the road. No. Tries me nuts when people won't get rid of a mattress. Like you see a mattress, just chuck it somewhere, you're like, it's not going to blow away.

Like sometimes you see someone's chucked something and you're like, well, it'll blow away. Yeah. But a mattress, someone's going to have to deal with that. And then it's going to get outside, it's going to get rained on, it's going to be three times as heavy when somebody else has to move it.

Yeah. All right, well, 0800DANCEATM9696, what did you discreetly dump? Was it evidence? Or was it something naughty? Yeah, was it evidence of you being naughty? So Hugh Hefner, apparently before he died, ex-Playboy founder, dumped a casket, a concrete-lined casket of home movies and literature,

letters, personal items at sea. Never to be found ever again. I don't think I want to find them anyway. That's probably for the best. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of pretty old VHS tapes. They wouldn't go well in the salty water.

No, he's been around since even before that. Like those reel-to-reel home movies. No. It'd be pretty hard to make a sex tape when it was like... Just splice it together. Off-putting. So we want to know when you've had to make a sex tape when it was like... Just splice it together. Off-putting. So we want to know when you've had to do a discreet dumping, maybe to get rid of evidence or something naughty.

And we've got some calls. Let's go to Kate, first of all. Kate, your partner always cooks a lot of dinner. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, bless him. He tries. Wait, do you throw out the dinner? Yeah, well, no, like I'll eat the dinner like when we're together,

but he always cooks way too much, so he gives it to me to take to lunch the next day, but I just end up dumping it because it's never that nice. Now, do you dump this in your own bin at home? Do you have to put it right to the bottom? Oh, I mix it up. Like I'll do it at home or I'll take it to work and then just dump it at work.

Because you don't want to hurt his feelings. Yeah, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Because, I mean, he cooks, so that's fine. How distraught would he be if you did dump it, do you think? If he found out that I dumped it? Yeah, yeah. I mean, he works night shift, so he probably wouldn't realise. But if he did, I think he'd be like, why'd you throw that out?

And I'd say, oh, it was just in there for too long. Yeah. So you'd cover your deception with a lie. Yeah. You know, make it a little bit better. What do you do for lunch? You just get the sushi special of the day or what? Oh, yeah.

Yeah. We'll just make a sandwich before I leave. Yeah. Much better options. All right. Thanks for your call, Kate. Stacey, when do you do a discreet dumping? I get so many courier packages sent to my work. Yeah.

And then I, like, put it in my handbag, like, make sure it's a little small, and put it in my handbag when I get home. I, like, hang it up in my wardrobe, take off the tags. Yeah. And then, like like when no one's downstairs I like go downstairs and I put it in the green bin that gets put on the road

and I like stuff it down like so that way no one knows anything and then I'll just bring it out like a week later and my partner will be like oh is that new? And I'll be like no I've had this for ages. Okay. But do you open it at work?

Because if you open it at work, you can get rid of the courier package at work. Yes, I know I have done that. I also try on at work to make sure it fits. Men listening, I found a way around this. What you do, I've done this because I've suspected in the past there's been a couple of things purchased. I went into the wardrobe and on my phone pressed record

and then flicked through every one of the things hanging up. Did you hear yourself? You're a psycho. I don't want to be lied to. I don't want to be lied to. That wouldn't be smart enough. I think every guy should do that. And then next time the woman are like, I've had this for ages,

be like, okay, well, let me check my video record from two weeks ago. We'll see how long you've had it. My wardrobe doesn't flick through. It's jammed. It's solid. There's no flicking. Maybe take a photo, sort of an index photo there. Try to identify the colour. But then the problem with my wife, she despises the same looking

stuff so I don't have the eye to discern two maroon dresses from each other, for example. She's found a loophole there. She's found her colour. All right, Stacey, thanks for your call. Some text messages in. Someone said, my partner could spot an ASOS bag a mile off. Is that the black and white?

Yeah. Very, very distinguished bag. And the ones that ones are black, eh? The iconic black. Oh, so iconic. Yeah, the black. They're black. Yeah, so he was used, the black, their black.

Yeah, so he would just put his, he was used to me shoving it to the bottom of the bin, so he'd put his hand in the bin

and just pull it and look, turn them inside out, and he hasn't caught on to that yet. So what,

they go grey or white? Yeah, they're grey on the inside. They're grey on the inside, so they just

look like a normally grey bag. Stuff it in a can though, or a box, and then scrunch that.

That's good. I mean, that's a nightmare for the people at recycling. But at least you're not getting in trouble. Always put it in something else. I had a collection of adult toys. I was living with my parents at the time, and I was too scared to put them in the bin in case Dad found them. So I cranked up the fire while Mum and Dad were outside fire, drum fire,

and had a sacrificial burning of my adult fun toys. Very interesting coloured flames. Did they actually disintegrate or was there just a pile of melted? They'd melt, right? The metal bits would be in there. Dan's like, what's all this rubber and stuff in the bottom of the bin? Picks it up and he's flopping it around. Oh, I wouldn't flop.

It'd be... Crusty. Yeah. A bit crusty plastic. You wouldn't be using it again. Okay, right. But yeah, they set some very interestingusty. Yeah. A bit crusty plastic. You wouldn't be using it again. Okay, right. But yeah, they set some very interesting coloured flames. That's what happens when you burn sin.

Right. Sins burn in many colours. My mum used to make me lunch. I used to throw it over the back fence. But one day, the neighbours started throwing the sandwiches back over. Mum said, maybe take the gladrop off them at least. Because animals can't. Oh, that's so sad.

Your mum worked so hard to make you that lunch. One of our children's pet lamb died. Oh. We didn't know how to break it to them. We decided to lie to them and say it must have ran away. We put it in the wheelie bin halfway down. At least bury it. Car batteries not allowed in the wheelie bin.

It doesn't say anything about dead lambs. Dead lambs. No. Oh, bury it. Car batteries, not allowed in the wheelie bin. It doesn't say anything about dead lands. No. Oh, bury it. And when I was 13, my dad tried to burn a pile of naughty magazines in one of the paddocks, and he had a good old flame up, except then it started raining halfway through, and the wind blew some half-burnt pages back onto the section. So if you're going to have a fire,

you've got to know it's not going to rain on you and you've got to stand by and watch that fire. Do it in a drum. I think when we've had celebrities in studio, we've asked them about, like, have they been on Tinder and dating apps and stuff? And they're always a bit funny, eh? They don't like to give away too much.

Yeah, or they say they don't. Yeah. Because I guess it would be hard. But it turns out it's probably because there's a special app that they don't talk about. It's for celebrities. It's called Tinder for, well, they call it Tinder for A-listers, but

it's, the name of it is Raya. R-A-Y-A. I'm going to look if it's in the app store because none of us are going to be able to download this. Your average bloody Joe blogs. What is it? A private membership-based community for people all over the world to connect and collaborate.

So yeah, it's basically A-listers. Early on, many members use the application to meet other members romantically. But it's in the app store. You should try and sign up because I think you'd have to be accepted into this. Right. Because I can see a couple of profiles in front of me. Cara Delevingne is on there.

Kelly Osbourne is on there. Right. Khloe Kardashian was on there when she was 31. That's the screenshot that I've got.

The people on the ad in the app store are just, they don't look like celebrities. Well, no, because I don't think they want all of us

to be alluded to. Because one of the Jonas' brothers isn't going to be like, I'll do it. Chuck me on where you could just pay $2 for a stock image. Yeah, true. Harry Styles is on it. Niall Horan from One Direction as well is on it. So basically, it is safe. It's

extremely private and yeah, a whole bunch of celebrities that I've described as A-list is working in creative industries. So if you talk about your relationships or your dates or anything with someone else that you've had on Raya, you can get kicked off. You get blocked and knocked out of the... The first rule of Raya is don't talk about Raya.

Don't talk about Raya. And you don't sell stories to the media, obviously. It's all completely private. But then what's going to stop one person, like, saying, oh, I'll make five grand from going to the tabloids about my- Five grand? And the rest? I don't know how much they get paid.

But, you know, and then just cutting their losses and just getting out. Yeah. Not getting back on the app again, making ten grand or whatever. But these people are like A-listers. You're going to ruin your reputation more than just on a dating app, I would say. But it's the same as Tinder. Like you swipe to if you like someone. So exactly the same kind of thing.

The interface just looks different. And everyone you're seeing on there will be like, Harry Styles. It's also weird to see their profile pictures because like, Kelly Osbourne's is like really sultry and stuff and it's like,

yeah, but we all... We know what you're like. We know who you are. We know what you're like. If you were on there, you'd be like, oh, that's Cara Delevingne, you know?

It would be weird. Katie, if you were on this, because are you bumbling at the moment? I'm currently signing up to it. I'm just putting in the code that I need to,

yeah. I had to pay for it, but you know. How much did you have to pay? I don't know. I just did in-app purchases so I just just putting in the code that I need to, yeah. I had to pay for it, but, you know. How much did you have to pay? I don't know. I just did in-app purchases, so I just put it in there. Oh, so that means that you haven't paid yet. No, that's free.

It's like Candy Crush. You get it for free, but then they get you on the in-app purchases. Sorry. Yeah, I'm just really busy. Well, I know. I'd love to know how much they charge you. Six pound a month, apparently. But you do have to explain which clubs and hotels you stay at,

which clubs you belong to. You've got to put down just anything in the Jason's Guide. Bella Vista. You love the Bella Vista chain of motels. I love it. As long as it's got Sky TV. And a spa bath. Yeah, you're in.

And like free teas and shampoo and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like free teas and shampoo and stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And milk. So why, it's asking you what hotels, like, so if you stay at like posh hotels,

they'll let you join. And like what clubs you belong to. You know, like fancy, like private clubs? Book club? It's a good club.

Yeah, put it down. I have a book club. We only, it's only limited numbers, our book club, so it is exclusive. And Harry Styles is like, oh, she's in a book club. It's only limited numbers, our book club, so it is exclusive. And Harry Styles is like, oh, she's in a

book club. I'm keen. I'll make up some And she stays at the Bella Vista. That sounds real hot. Oh my God, guys, I

have to put my location, my occupation, my industry. You might get in because you're in the media. Yeah, definitely.

What should I say? No, no one lies on dating apps. I think it's a very strict honesty policy. Just be honest and see if you can get in. Okay. To be continued. To be continued.

Guys, I'm going to marry Harry Styles. No big. Okay. Fletch. Vaughn. And Megan. The podcast. Last night, three million phones in New Zealand.

Do you know that's only half the total of phones in New Zealand that can receive the civil defence emergency text? We have six million phones. Yeah, that's what they're going to get. We've only got four and a half million people. Yeah, but some people have two. But then the kids don't have any. I saw someone with two phones the other day and I was like,

what are you up to? Well, it's like private and work sometimes, isn't it? Just have one. But work doesn't always want to pay for private stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Some workplaces are like, who'd you call? What's this call?

I call my mum. I'm not paying for that. That'd be annoying. Yeah. Just admin having two phones. Minutes are like free, right? But yeah, so the messages came in last night. And I was actually in Rotorua for the weekend.

Lovely weekend away. So I was at the airport waiting to fly back. And there was obviously a lot of people waiting. Actually, flights were delayed because of bad weather. So there was a heap of people waiting. And we were getting constant messages, updates on what was happening with the flights. And that's when the civil defence alarm set off everyone's phones in the airport. And we, I honestly for a moment was like, we're going to have to evacuate.

I don't know what's happening. There's something happening at the airport. Like completely forgot that it was even what it was. Because what noise did it make? Because my phone was on. It was like, yeah, it was a really weird noise. Something, yeah. What?

It was really aggressive. No, but my phone was on do not disturb or I just silenced it. What? But I think mine was on silent. I thought it was still meant to come through even if your phone's on silent. I always have my phone on silent and it still made a hell of a noise. Yeah, I've never heard the noise before as like an alarm or anything. Right.

Yeah, no, it's aggressive and loud. Well, a lot of people also had a message from the president which apparently, if you have a parallel imported phone, some of those are kind of set up with a message from the president. Like a presidential alert. Yeah, it didn't

say this is a civil defence emergency alert. It said this is a presidential warning. Would that have been Chinese imported phones maybe? Do you think? Because they've got a president. Or American. I never thought about where they came from.

Because you get iPhones can be anywhere when you buy those unlocked. I would have thought those would have been, I don't know. No, I don't know because it has to be set up. I guess when they come into New Zealand, they're made for New Zealand, whereas the parallel imported ones may, as you say, have been heading to the US. Right.

But we got them. Parallel imported. So all of us turned our phones off, and then, like, honestly, about three minutes later, one person's phone went off. And I was like, aw. Too late, dear. I don't know what happened there, mate. Too late.

You're gone. You're toast. You're history. I thought it could have been quite cool because my wife's phone and mine went off at the same time. But being somewhere where there was heaps of people. Yeah, it was a rollout of sirens. Do they have like Sunday nights? Is there like a church? Well, no, apparently people were at the movies. It was cinema. Yeah, right, okay.

When you had your phone on silent and it would have just overridden it. Yeah. That would have been terrifying. That would have been freaky. But at least it happened to everyone, so no one was like turning around being like, turn your phone off. What's happening now? Yeah.

In fact, you could do that to the person whose phone didn't make the noise, be like, you're going to die. So at the weekend, the Auckland Santa Parade, the country's largest Santa Parade, was postponed due to weather and good call too because the thunderstorm rolled through. Oh, it would have been a soppy mess. And we all know the big floats are just lightning rods. You wouldn't want to take your kids down to see Christmas

and then just all of a sudden a half-cooked reindeer is just stinging out through the street. A lot of paper mache, a lot of arts and crafts. Oh, it was terrible. In a Christmas parade. Now, that isn't the only controversy surrounding the Santa parade. By the way, it's on again next weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's being postponed. Hutch to Fletcher's Disguised. I was happy when it got postponed. He texts the group chat and was like, yes, the Santa parade's been cancelled. Because it finishes outside where I live. It's very noisy. It doesn't inconvenience you in the least. I have to shut the windows.

Just stay in your house. It brings so much joy to so many people. I can't cross the road to the gym in the supermarket. It's chained off. So Santa's spokesperson. Yep. His spokesperson is Neville. The person that organised Santa to be there.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's like, come on Santa. That Neville. The person that organised Santa to be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who's like, come on Santa, that Neville. He's been organising Santa for quite a few years for this big Christmas parade. And he organised Santas for Christmas in a few places, isn't he? Yeah, yeah. He was asked by a journalist if he ever thinks there should be a female Santa, like Mrs. Claus, I guess, would take the reins as primary situation here. Parents, I'm doing this for you.

You've got to read between the lines here and meet me halfway. Good dancing. So he said no because Santa is Father Christmas. Yeah. Thus, Fathery Christmas. And then that kind of got a little bit of heat to it, got a little bit of wind in the sails. And now he's not organising Santa anymore

because of what people are labelling a sexist comment. So was there in the parade, if the parade had gone ahead yesterday, would there have been no jolly fat man at the end? There would have been a different. They'd gone to a different organisation. Organisational. Higher Santa. Yes.

Yep. To get in touch with Santa at the North Pole. Get him on the parade. Who makes the quick trip down here. Yeah, right. I mean, he was halfway here yesterday when he got told it had been cancelled due to weather. So he turned around and flew back to the North Pole. He's got enough to do right now. He's got so many toys to make.

Yeah, so again, the lines are to be read between here. How do you feel about this, Megan? I agree with him. I'm a feminist, but like, you know. That's the thing. I'd class myself as a feminist too, but it's Father Christmas. It's what we all grow up with, isn't it?

Yeah. It's the image. It's a he. Yeah. You know what I mean? And there's still Mrs. Claus. Yeah. Maybe Mrs. Claus should join Santa on the sled.

Yeah, good call. Or Santa might just want some away time. You know, Santa might just want some quiet time flying around. Behind every good man is a woman who's getting them there. Hey, it's the 2000s. Behind every good man there could be another man. Exactly. A supportive partner.

It doesn't matter of gender. Let's get some double Santas on the Pride float. That's probably not happening next year though. Another parade. That's more parade turmoil. You can't even have a parade these days. You can't even have a parade these days. You can't even have a parade these days. But it was just, it got sacked. And I was just, it's kind of, you know,

I 100% believe to blame is the journalist who went out looking to make a headline, knew they were going to be asking an old mate a question about this sort of stuff. And an old mate who's in the business is going to be like, no. Heck, you'd ask me. I consider myself fairly progressive. I would have said, well,

no. Like, if it was, it would be the Mrs. Claus situation. Also, it's really difficult in that situation to come up with like an eloquent and balanced answer. Yeah. Because he was just shoved that question. They 100% asked the question hoping he was going to say no

so it could be an inflammatory headline to get clicks on a website. Knowing that he would say no because that's Santa Claus. And now they know a lot of places have stopped working with him. That's what I feel like. Poor guy's just trying to make a living. I just want to realise that you've got to be kidding me. Yeah. I just wouldn't have realised that. You've got to be kidding me. It's the same thing with James Bond.

I feel like James Bond is a man. That's the character. I don't think there's any need to really change it. It's always been the guy is the character. Lara Croft is an adventuring female and Wonder Woman is a woman. Just make new awesome female characters for us, please. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't think it needs to be changed. What's that one, the dragon tattoo? She's a kicker. Wonder Woman? Yeah. Captain Marvel? There's always more.

Oh, that's going to be amazing. There's always more room for powerful female role models. Make new and better ones. You don't need to adapt to the old ones. Yeah, I totally agree. So I don't know. You're a lot more calmer than you were when you first got to work about this issue. I think I had a lot of time to process it.

And then, you know, it's like sending an angry email to your boss. They're like, write it and then save it in drafts, but don't send it. And come back to it after a sleep. I just send it. You just send it straight away. I don't regret it. I'll still say the same just send it straight away. I always just send it. I don't regret it. I'll send it though. Not yet. I'll still say the same thing today.

Not yet. But with maybe half the F words. Mosh Monday. It's time for Mosh Monday. We do this every Monday at 8 o'clock. We want to know what songs, even to this day, make you emotional. Maybe remind you of a time back, maybe in your early teenage years. It could have been sad.

It could have been emotional. It could have been happy tears. Your first love. Yeah. And joining us this morning is Elise. Good morning, Elise. Good morning. How are you?

Good, good. So tell us what this song means to you, the story behind it. So I was probably about 16 or 17 going out with my first boyfriend, and I didn't feel the same way that he did, so I broke the poor man's heart. Oh, no. After we broke up, he bought this song on a single because they were still a thing.

Yeah, on a CD single. Yeah, on a CD single. Put it in my letterbox with a letter quoting the song. Oh! And said, this is how I feel. And kind of inadvertently became our breakup song. He's for more of an emotional reason. So it didn't win you back then?

No, it didn't. It didn't win me back, unfortunately, for him. He just needed to express himself emotionally through a song. Do you remember the lyrics that he quoted? Because I've just Googled them. Yeah, I do. Because when a heart breaks, know it don't break even. Oh, my God.

What does that mean? How did you break up with him? Did you try and do it nicely or was it by text or something? Oh, no, no, no. I did it face to face and it just kind of... It's not you, it's me. We just wanted completely different things and it wasn't all right. Like, what am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

Oh, no. Oh, I mean, this was written as a breakup song. This isn't a win someone back song. No, it's not. Maybe go for a better song next time. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to introduce your song for Motion Mondays, Elise? Perfect.

Today's Motion Monday song is Break Even by The Three. That's a good one. Brilliant. All right, Elise, thank you. And if you've got a Motion Monday, send us a message on our Facebook page, FBMZM. DM us. Oh, he's falling to pieces. Yeah, he's falling to pieces.

I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing. Geez, no wonder she didn't want to get back on that. That's sad, sad. All right, ZM, Mosh Monday. I'm still alive, but I'm barely breathing. Just praying to a God that I don't believe in Cause I got time while she got freedom Cause when her heart breaks, no it don't break even

Her best days will be some of my worst She finally met a man that's gonna put her first. While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping. Cause when her heart breaks, no, it don't break even, even, no. What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was going to end? What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're broken? I'm falling to pieces, yeah I'm falling to pieces, yeah

I'm falling to pieces I'm falling to pieces I'm falling to pieces It's the script, break even, your most Monday song today. Well, Elise's anyway, reminding her of a breakup. I asked some text messages in, somebody said I'm going through a breakup right now and the song has hit all the feels. You knew all the lyrics

though by the way. Yeah I know it was weird they were all rattling around in there. It just overcomes you sometimes. I've never considered myself a script fan. Right but they're in there. That song was inescapable.

You're right. They're in there. Somebody said I've always bloody loved this song I've never realised how sad it was. Yeah. You're always like I fall into peace The best part of me

was always you. What am I supposed to do when you're my, I'm all choked up and you're okay. Oh. That's really sad. And the same person said, I've always loved this, jamming out my four month old baby in the car is very clearly judging me.

They're judging you at four months and saying it's going to get worse from here. And someone said, I don't, this is all in caps, I did not need these types of feels on a Monday. Well, it's Moish Monday.

If you've got a song from Moish Monday, send us a message on our inbox, FBMZM on Facebook. This next break is brought to you by Ariana Grande.

Thank you, next. It's her biggest song ever because she's never had a number one in the US. Surprisingly, it's just never happened until now. That surprised me, yeah. Ariana Grande's been a 2018 pop culture pillar, hasn't she? She has. She's had a massive year.

Massive. Because when she got engaged to Pete after knowing him for like a couple of weeks, and we're all like, this isn't going to last. And then it was so great, but I'd be like, told you so. It's so mean. Told you. Not wrong though, Megan, not wrong. So it's kind of birthed a lot of people calling this a new type of breakup song.

So instead of being all sassy and like putting them down. With a script. Yeah. Well, that was just sad. Yeah. This is kind of like, what I say when I said like cleaning out your closet. You're supposed to thank the piece of clothing, say, for its service and let it go.

That's the minimalist attitude. Thank it for its service. Thank you, undies, but my balls hang out you now. And that's as much my saggy balls fault as it is your very loose leg bands fault. So your service has been appreciated. Okay, I'm trying to move on from your balls. So it's...

Okay, I'm trying to move on from your balls. So, it's teaching you to say thank you for what you've learned from your ex and moving on. Thank you. And that's why there have been all the online posts like this taught me this. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's quite nice and healthy. So, I thought this morning we should take a leaf out of this and do our own thank you next. So, we are going to,

you don't have to name the ex. I think mine would be pretty obvious. But you have to thank them for something. So you have to call us. So we're going to take calls. 0800 DARS at M. You can text 9696 and say what you thank your ex for. Now are we taking

They can be sarcastic totally because mine's sarcastic if you're still a little bit scorned

they can be bitchy but I'm still friends with this ex I'm saying okay oh that's good

yeah that's nice and healthy for you just I'm not put that out there because I don't want to sound like an arsehole

oh heavens forbid you should sound like an arsehole so yeah okay you go you give us an example Megan Heavens forbid. Heavens forbid you should sound like an asshole. So, yeah, okay. You go.

You give us an example, Megan. Thank you to my ex for teaching me how to budget and for making me appreciate spending money as well. Thank you. Next. That's good. Draw me to go. Do you want to go last? I haven't had that many. Mine's just like Do you want me to go? Do you want to go last? I haven't had that many.

Mine's just like, you know you haven't, have you? No. Like people I've seen for like a little bit. What about the one that broke your heart at Christmas? Don't you want Christmas? I didn't even think of that one. Thank you for making me appreciate Christmas. Thank you for ruining Christmas for me.

Yeah, thanks for making it pretty hard to have a worse Christmas. No, that's a good one. I like that. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah for making it pretty hard to have a worse Christmas. No, that's a good one. I like that. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because if you don't get the present, you won't. You're like, well, at least I'm not crying this Christmas. Yeah.

Because I'm not being dumped. I've got other ones too. Thank you for teaching a good pash rash avoidance technique. Okay. Yeah. Someone, yeah, she developed quite a good technique That would avoid pass-rushing Do you have stubble? We have had it for ages

Right In some form or another What was the technique? I can't really remember now It's kind of She goes over the duck face Yeah, a bit more on the Bit more side

I don't know It was quite like We developed it together It was a joint project It's a collab It's about the only Only group collab I've ever actually pulled my weight in.

And thank you for teaching me that when you're with someone, you're with their whole family, really. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You're that close with their family, so then you get a bit pickier. Can I get an amen? Go, Fletch. Thank you for making me appreciate someone that can always change the AV channel

on the TV and connect to the Wi-Fi. All right. Just a sort of thank you for making me appreciate people who... How do you change the channel? I don't know. I'll show you for the 10th time. Impatience is in the virtue of yours. It's like dating your parents.

Okay. This is fun. This is fun this is fun okay give us a call 0800 you can text 9696 thank you

next to your ex alright give us a call so off the back of Ariana Grande's new kind of breakup song thank you next

we are thanking our exes for something now it doesn't have to be serious it can be something you learn sarcastic

about yourself it can be sarcastic. About yourself, it can be sarcastic. It can be slightly bitchy if you're still feeling a bit hurt. So we're doing thank you next to our ex. Goodness. Where to start, Vaughn? Where to start? Well, what we started with was probably the vanilla ice cream.

Really? Yeah, our suggestions, and now it's out there. So thank you for teaching me what my ex-best friend is truly like. You both deserve each other. Next. The best friend hooked up. Yeah. Thank you for making me realise how good I had it before and that my ex was the one for me.

Thank you. Next-ish kind of before-ish as well. Oh, no, but that's saying back. Back to the ex. Yeah. There you go. That's well. Oh, no, but that's sad. Back to the ex. Yeah. There you go. That's something. Somebody else said,

thank you for making me realise, thank you for making me appreciate having an employed partner or at least someone that wants to be employed. Next. Oh, jeez. Thank you to all of my exes for moving aside so I could find the love of my life.

Thank you. Next. That's good. I think that's a good way. Thank you for teaching me the warning signs of what a compulsive liar looks like. Thank you. F-ing next. Anonymous, good morning.

Good morning, guys. Good morning. So, thank you, next. Yeah, I just want to thank my expert introducing me to his friends because they were all all We lost you at That was a crucial point in that conversation I'm guessing not great Who, his friends?

No, no, no, say it again So thank you for introducing me to your friends Because They were all such a great time Oh, that's not where I thought that was going. How many? Let's see a few, a handful. How many can you fit in a hand?

Well, that's five fingers for each. Anonymous. Anonymous, you're great. So he would probably say to you, thank you for going through all of my friends. Yes. Next. Thank you for teaching him who his real friends are.

Yes. Because they probably wouldn't have done that. But there's nothing on you. How long were you with him, though, for? Two years. Oh, okay. Not six weeks. Wait, and so you were with him and also them.

Oh, no, no, no. This was pre-release. So after that, you were like, no. This was pre-ranked up. Oh, well, it's fair game, isn't it? You're something, you know? Exactly. Nice. Thank you. Thank you, Anonymous.

To my ex, thank you for showing me how much stronger I am without you and fueling my hate fire to achieve my dreams in spite of you, so much so that I ran my first half marathon last weekend. Thank you, next. Nice. To my ex, thank you for giving me so much so that I ran my first half marathon last weekend. Thank you, next. Nice. To my ex, thank you for giving me so much lies and bullshit that now I have a flawless bullshit radar and I no longer suffer any BS from any fools.

Thank you, next. That's good. I like that. Don't suffer fools. Thank you to my ex for giving me my daughter so I could then provide her with a decent father. Thank you, Annex. Nice.

This is juicy, this segment. Thank you to my ex for saying that he was so much better than me all the time we were together. So when I finally worked up the courage to leave, I now have a lot of power and it won't happen to me again. Thank you, Annex. That's the thing. You learn certain things from your exes. I finally worked up the courage to leave, I now have a lot of power and it won't happen to me again. I thank you. I next. That's the thing. You learn certain things from your exes. You can't ever regret the relationship.

She might not be the person you are today. Yeah. Thank you to my ex for making me never again naively trust someone blindly. I thank you. I next. It's quite intense. It just feels weird saying thank you and then so much like venom coming next. Thank's quite intense. It just feels weird saying thank you

and then so much like venom coming next. Yeah. People really getting stuff off their chest. Thank you to my ex for teaching me my Southworth and giving me the patience and understanding of what falling out of love feels like. Thank you. Next.

I thought there was going to be lots more. Sarcastic ones? Yeah. Like your TV one Yeah, yeah Thank you to my ex for telling me His son was in hospital at 11.30 Taking money for fuel and ending up at his ex's house

For three days What? You taught me not to trust people And to watch out for scumbags Thank you Next Fact of the day Day, day, day, day, day.

Today's fact of the day is you'll be familiar with Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving that shopping season kicks off. We've kind of caught on to that tradition. And today, if you're looking for special Cyber Monday in New Zealand and tomorrow Cyber Monday from America. And the American websites. Well, I want to tell you about Brown Friday because not only is it the busiest day for retail,

in America the day after Thanksgiving is also the busiest day for plumbers. Brown Friday. No, I found this fascinating. And it's not just what you think it is. But wouldn't it be Brown Saturday? This is the day after. Thursday's Thanksgiving. So it's a Thursday, yeah.

Friday's Brown Friday. Black Friday, they go out shopping. And then Brown Friday is when plumbers get to work. A few reasons. Yeah. Thanksgiving is also generally when the weather gets really cold. Like a lot of areas have just had recent first snowfall. So it might be cold enough in some places

that pipes freeze, although plumbers say most people who experience the freeze get this sort of stuff taken care of and they'll have insulated pipes. However, the cooking at Thanksgiving can be quite heavy with grease and people will pour the grease down the sink and then it hits the cold pipes and it goes solid.

This is why you should never just tip oils and stuff down the sink. Well, that's why London has fatbergs. The fatberg, yeah. Or fill it up with really, really hot running water for a little while or boil the jug and pour it down there. And make it the neighbour's problem. Exactly. Make it a problem the whole neighbourhood can share.

Just get it out of your property. So. Make it a problem the whole neighborhood can share. Yeah. Just get it out of your property. So he said that happens because it's cold outside and people are pouring like all the turkey grease and everything that they've cooked straight down the sink. The other problem is that people will start, because so many people are in one place, everything gets put down the insinkerator.

Okay. And they try to blur up a lot more and it puts a lot more stuff into the pipes, which again, combined with the grease and stuff from the coal can cause fairly heavy blockages. Now the third part is... I know, this is what I was expecting. The third part is the big poos.

Everybody eats so much on Thanksgiving. They've got to make it evacuating. And it's, in America traditionally, a very family-heavy holiday. You've got to make it evacuating. And it's in America traditionally a very family heavy holiday. You go home, you take your family. So there could be three or four times the amount of people in a house that are normally in a house. So you've got, for a start, way more poos. Yeah.

But also heaps more toilet paper. Also maybe the chance of feminine sanitary products. Flushable hand wipes. Christmas presents. Barbies down the toilet from kids. Presents from down the toilet. But it's not Christmas,

it's Thanksgiving. Oh, it's Thanksgiving. I was wondering about our Christmas. Would that mean a lot of plumbers get called out on like Boxing Day Christmas? Well, two of the main things that cause it don't happen here

because we have our summer and we have our Christmas pipes. Yeah, so if the grease is going down the pipes, it might be warm enough to keep it flowing. Right. So as we said before, it's everybody's problem, not just your problem. Right. Because it's in the waste system. Huh.

And also the food going down the incinerator. Yeah, right. Won't get caught with the grease as well. But the poos, still a very real problem. Okay, great. Thanks for that. Getting the poos in there. Plumbers are just saying it's just their busiest day. Right. They've just,

they just can't, like, make plans with their families because they'll get heaps and heaps of calls. Yeah, right. And they can make lots of money dealing with other people's. Like, that's a thing. Plumbers. I know. Never question to plumbers, Bill. Just pay them. Everyone else, you're kind of like,

let's see the breakdown of this bill. Pl you're just like take it take it all how much cheers to the plumbers take some more yes a quick cheers to the lady cheers the lady and the plumbers always to the plumbers ah so today's fact of the day is the day after thanksgiving in america is after Thanksgiving in America is not only known as Black Friday, but also Brown Friday. Fact of the day, day, day-Day this Friday. Don't know why I say D-Day. That makes it sound like we're invading Normandy or something. Hopefully it's going to be far less casualties than that. But this Friday moving. So on the weekend, I took on the garage. Done, by the way.

All the haters and disbelievers. Heaps of haters. I saw your Instagram stories. God, there was some crap in that garage. There was some good stuff in there. Discovered some of the treasures. I feel like it was nicely stacked, but once you delved in, you would have seen some shit.

All right. No, I got it all out of the ceiling and it was like filled up the whole garage. It seems that I've been using that ceiling space very efficiently. At least you found out what was making your ceiling sag. Yeah. Yeah. That's been fixed now.

So clean that out. And one of the other things, getting to the admin side of moving, like I've got to call the insurance company today and get the new place insured and then not insure the old place until we're gone. That's good from you. Your wife's told you to do that, hasn't she?

No, I – Really? Well, no, the lawyer told me I had to do that. Oh, yeah, I was going to say, yeah, that's some good thinking. That's good admin. But one of the other things to take care of is internet because, God forbid, you should be without the internet for two days when you move in somewhere.

I know, because it takes some ages, eh, sometimes. They're like, oh, we've got to wait like four days. It's like, just do it now. Well, I know that this seems like... Don't they have to flick a switch? Well, I'm sure if it was that easy, they would just do it. But so now there's these power and internet combos, which is a weird combo to me.

Like, they both come into your house on a wire, but that's where the similarity ends. Yeah. I mean, one relies on the other to work. But some of those combos are pretty cheap. Yeah. But I don't know if I trust the... The power company to be your internet company? Yeah, I don't know.

Like who's... Yeah, I don't know. Stay in your lane. Well, no, I've had Orcon for years and I like them, so I don't want to change. That's why I've had Orcon for years as I like them, so I don't want to change. That's why I've had Orkon for years as well. Well, no one's forcing you to change. But I just rang up and said, hey, look, I'm thinking about going with a combo.

Is this your power? This is the Orkon. I rang them up and told them, and they made me an offer that I couldn't refuse. Okay. So I was like, I had a taste after that. I had a taste for a good offer. So I said, I'm going to ring up. We're pretty happy

with the power company we've got. We've never had any problems with them. But I rung them up to let them know we're shifting. I gave them the new address and everything and they said, yes, that's here and that's all good and blah, blah, blah. And then I said, hey, buddy. Now, at this point, this is where the power trip comes in.

This is like saying to your wife, hey, you've never had any problems. You love each other and you're like, hey, sweetheart. What are you going to offer me to stick around here? Because there's a hot little mum down the road. I could just switch on over and she'd give me a good deal. Okay, yeah. I was running with the wife analogy.

I was like, this is actually a hot power play until you say the little hottie down the road. He's offering me $200 credit if I sign up with him. Trust me, you burn through that credit pretty quick with a wife. So I said, what you got there for a little sweetener there, pal? And they were like, what do you mean? I was like, well, you know, what's the story? They said, oh, if you pay promptly 5% discount. I was like, yeah, but that's what you've been giving me.

That's not a sweetener. I'm used to that now. Yeah. You're going to have to up it. And I'm like, okay, what about 15%? I was like, now we're talking, what else you got for me? And they were like, oh, if you set up a direct debit, it's two more percent. I was like, okay, we're talking a lot of percentages here,

but Daddy wants some hard and fast rewards. You did not say Daddy wants. How did you speak to them on the phone? No, I was actually really polite but very firm. And Sade's like listening to it. She's like mostly because we're both the people when something's got to be rung and dealt with, we're like, you do it, that's not.

Like, right. Yeah, that's me. Don't want to do it, you ring them. And then if you get stuck like because I did the insurance last time, I've been stuck with sorting out insurance for life now. So I was on the landline. That's kids, it's like a mobile phone, except it's based in your house.

And I was on that. So when I'm on with my power provider, I'm scrolling through what the other guys are offering. Because I remember when I signed up, when I moved in a few years ago, you could get like a couple of hundred dollars credit. Some places were offering TVs. So that's what I said to them.

I said, have you got any TVs? And Sade's literally like, you've got a TV. We've just got a brand new TV. You don't want to. I was like, I sure should open another TV. And she's like,

oh, TVs, if you get the power and the internet. But I'm thinking of the sweet internet deal I got given and it's not worth giving. That's not worth giving up. So I'm like, oh, you know, but what else you,

oh, there's a, I'm seeing an electric scooter on one of these other places here. Oh my God. And they're like, oh no, that's a discount on an electric scooter if you sign up for that. And I was like, okay, you got me there. They know. I was just trying my luck.

I was just trying my luck. I was like, look about, there's one on here that's going to give me $200 credit. That's pretty. That's pretty good. That's pretty good stuff. And they were like, oh, I there's one on here that's going to give me $200 credit. That's pretty. That's pretty good. That's pretty good stuff. And they were like, oh, I'll just put you on hold. Boom.

Dave Dobbin comes on. I got them. I got them. But a Dobbs is. But you know behind the background, they're like, hey supervisor, got a punisher on the line, he wants credit. Yeah, exactly. Dave Dobbin's singing Loyal, which I'm trying to like,

I think they're trying to subliminally make me think I should be loyal to this company, but I've got no loyalty here, baby. Yeah. And they come back and she says, yeah, I've talked to my supervisor and we can give you the $200 credit, the discounts.

So listen to the defeated tone in her voice. And we're going to send you a little something for being a loyal customer for eight years. I was like, pleasure doing business with you. What's the little something? I don't know. Imagine if it was a scooter. Imagine.

It probably would be a Frisbee. It's far more likely to be a Frisbee. Or a drink bottle. Or a turd in your litter box. I would actually love them to do that because I've got a security camera that overlooks the area just to see someone get up against the part where you put the letters through and be like.

It would be a feat of gravity defying manoeuvre. It would be a feat of taking a dump. So my rule here is don't be rude. I wasn't rude. I was always very polite, but be firm. Because if you've been up with a company for a couple of years, what's to stop you switching providers and getting free stuff? I've got a locked rate as well.

If power prices go up, I'm staying on a locked rate. Is that a thing? I don't know. Push, Megan, push. Always ask what else. Is it the company where Jeremy Wells comes around in? Which one is he? Meridian

Nah It's not that one, okay Because that's the one I'm with And he still hasn't popped around And given me a windmill You don't have any lawns Or anywhere to put a lawnmower A windmill

I'd like to see that I've got room for a windmill and a lawn I should have gone with Wells You should have Does he do it topless? Yes he does He's got an all over tan That's a guy that doesn't spend a lot of time with a top on.

No. Today in NCEA. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, class. Good morning, Miss. Okay. I am ready to learn.

Okay, good. I was too late, though, wasn't I? I was supposed to have already learnt it. You have. Yeah. What exams are happening today? Oh, shivers. There's heaps.

There's all, okay, so there's level one drama, level one health, level two chemistry, level two Samoan, level two education for sustainability,

which we're going to learn about. Level three music studies, level three Te Reo Māori, level three Latin. Oh my gosh. Spanish, scholarshiphip Chinese. All the languages today.

Bloody carpe diem on the Latin. So good luck for that. Okay, let's go to Level 2 Chemistry. Remember to use your name as the buzzer. Boo. I've been the worst at this. You have. I'm so dumb, eh?

Can you up your game, please? Okay. Okay. Question. On the periodic table of elements, what is the symbol for gold? Fletch. I didn't know it was on there. G-O.

There's gold on there. G-O. Megan, just G. No. Born. A-U. Correct. A-U, but it's gold.

G-O-L-D. Where's A-U in there? I didn't even know that it was on that table. That's an element. This is a great start. This is a stupid test. When am I ever going to need this in real life? You're not, kids.

Okay. Unless you're a scientist. Level two, education for sustainability. Yeah. What causes global warming? Fletch. Fletch. I actually don't know.

Fletch got in there first. Fletch. I actually don't know. Fletch got in there first. Lots of fires. Could you... The melting of polar ice caps. Vaughan. That's... Yeah, no. Donald Trump.

Donald Trump. Pollution. Vaughan. Yes. Increased levels of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere. Correct. Greenhouse gases. Along with air pollution,house gases All that stuff

Fossil fuels So I don't Do I get a half point for that? No you don't This is why life isn't fair Because Vaughn knows All this stupid shit But he still actually

Just sucks as a worker Like you've got to have motivation There's no arguing with that Yeah brilliant He knows lots of stupid shit But he doesn't want to work Okay He's lazy He's lazy Finally Yeah, brilliant. He knows lots of stupid shit, but he doesn't want to work. Okay.

He's lazy. He's lazy. Finally, Fletch, you might be quite good at this. Level one drama. Take a script. Oh, God. Take a script and open it. Because when you said Fletch might be quite good at this, I didn't really know what could be.

Could be anything. Oh, good. So there is a script, as you will see, from Mean Girls. It's quite, everyone knows the script. At the top is your character that you're playing and also the accent that you are to be giving. I'm going to be. Now, who played Karen Smith in Mean Girls?

Was it Lacey Chabert? No, it was Amanda Seyfried. I'm Gretchen Wieners, but I have to do it in a Russian accent. I can't do it. All my accents sound Indian. I'm the Queen. I'm the queen. I'm Regina George. And what's your accent? German. And I'm Karen Smith. American

accent. Okay. Right. Read it through. Oh, who's got the easy one? Pre-read Fletch and you won. You guys suck at reading. Take a deep breath. Wait, who am I? Oh, Regina. Who's starting? Gretchen. Me. Me. Oh yeah, I'm getting, I'm in my mind,

I'm thinking about the Russian accent. Oh, no, I'm going to be so bad at this. Come on. Okay. Regina. You're wearing sweatpants. It's Monday. So?

That was good German. So it's against the rules and you can't sit with us. Whatever, those rules aren't real. They were real the day I wore a vest. It was because that vest was disgusting. Yeah, good, good on the ink. You can't sit with us.

This would have been so much better if Mean Girls was Putin, Trump and Angela Merkel. Megan wins that one. I lose again? Yeah. Vaughn wins the whole round, but that was a great German accent. Well done. Good luck to those doing exams today.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZM online. ZM. exams today.