ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 26 2019

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

An announcement from Producer Caitlin, buying a Christmas present for your partner and what was your biggest career change?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music. Lives here. Fletch Warner Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch Warner Megan. Disappointing from the mount. Disappointing. Yeah, that is disappointing. Good cricket win. Marred. It's been marred. Yeah, you're right. Marred by racism. Don't want to point the finger, but it could be a mountain boomer, couldn't it?

Oh, there's no mountains. An old mountain? No, very few. Very few. Yeah. Well, then you say that, but then it easily couldn't have been as well. Yeah. 100%.

100%. Right. Well, that out of the way Let's move on to the more pressing issue What? Where are the pancakes? What pancakes? I want pancakes

Have you just got a hankering for pancakes? I'm just at that moment when I I immediately wanted a pancake in my mouth With a lot of maple syrup Fair bit of maple syrup Good But not too I like to drown my pancakes in.

Because you know the place over the road does candy floss on top of theirs. That's too much for me. Oh, yeah. In the morning. I'm not really a sweet breakfast guy. What about... I'm more of a savoury situation.

Bacon pancakes. Yeah. Bacon, bacon, pancakes. You take a bacon and you put it in a pancake. Producer Caitlin, you've got a big announcement this morning. When are we going to do this? Just before 8 o'clock.

It's been a year of big announcements for you. It has. You had a boyfriend. You didn't have a boyfriend. Those are your two big announcements. Don't. This is. Okay, should I give a little tease?

No. You're not very good at that. Oh, okay. That's why you don't have a boyfriend. Born. Hey. That is uncalled for. I'm very good at the bedroom.

Really? No, I'm just saying, yeah. Well, I don't want to comment on that. That's what you're assuming. No, I was talking about the tease. The tease. The sizzle before the sausage. That was not the right analogy to use in that situation.

You're listening to Vorn too. I know. He's got no idea about the sausage. That was not the right analogy to use in that situation. You're listening to Vorn too. I know. He's got no idea about it. I am the foremost provocateur of the show. I get the ladies humming. Right now. Right now. I've been told.

I've had correspondents. I'm so sorry to the ladies of New Zealand. I'm quite an erotic thing to have in your ears at this time of the morning. Men, thank me. Men, thank me. No, yuck. Oh, okay. Because women will even like, they might be listening to this on the podcast,

and now they're looking at their partners and giving them the what's up baby with the eyebrows. Is that how it's done? That's a what's up, baby? With the eyebrows. Is that how it starts? That's a what's up, baby? And now this guy's like, they must be listening to the Fletch Vaughn and Megan podcast because she's got that erotic glint in her eye. She's that little smithy in the air hole.

It looks like she needs a bucket. Yeah, I'm about to vom. Can you stop? She's had a little smithy in the air hole. That was so grim. Sometimes I need to repeat what you say so you can hear it. She's had her pancakes. Oh, Christ.

Okay, what's coming up? What a start to the show. Watch out, gents. You're going to get it. I think you're detracting. Me later. You're detracting from Caitlin's big announcement. And even, by the way, this works for lesbians too. get it. I think you're detracting from Caitlin's big announcement.

And even, by the way, this works for lesbians too. Does it? I've been told. I doubt that. I've been told. You have not. I doubt you're the form.

Yeah, this isn't about you, Vaughn. This is to tell everyone Caitlin's got a big announcement. No, but then she, I said that she needs to work on the out of the tees. She threw it back. She put the ball

back into my court and I Serena Williams it right to the back corner. Yeah, I'm kicking off the song. You threw it back. She put the ball back into my court and I Serena Williams it right to the back corner. I'm kicking off the song. You're getting the wrap up music. Yes, I tell you what, this is a good song

for a little love making. Yeah. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. All right, I have sourced three news headlines

from stories around the world, interesting, odd stories. And, Vaughan and Megan, you must pick one only. The others deleted forever. Headline one, pilot rescued from the sky. Headline two, taco saves man's life. And headline three, cow bras. Cow bras! Yeah.

What was the taco one? Taco saves man's life. Well, I think we've all been saved by a taco. Certainly. A spiritual intervention by a soft shell, not hard shell. Oh, I know. Hard shell, people. Megan.

Megan. Who liked the hard shell tacos. Oh, I know. Hard shell people. Megan. Who like the hard shell tacos? And my best friend likes hard shell tacos. You're meant to be, aren't you? Yeah. You hard shell tacos. A couple of roof of the mouth stabbing loco senoritas. You two are just in your soft shell bubble.

You don't get out and meet hard shell people. I mean, if you look at this. I just don't want to talk to them anymore. If you look at the supermarket, there's more soft shell tacos than there are hard shell tacos. I mean, I don't have tacos. You're just making a swift generalisation problem. I don't have taco stats, but I'm right. There's more of a variety of the soft shell tacos.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The small, they come in like. There's more of a variety of the soft-shell tacos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The small, they come in like... You talk about tortillas. Yeah, yeah, but the small, obviously the taco tortillas rather than the burrito tortillas. Yeah. Or the fajita tortillas. You are 100% in a minority. The only people that like hard-shell tacos are boomers

and you. That's definitely not like you to say what you like is the majority. I'm a normal person. And that is definitely not true. You know who we need to ask? Old El Paso. For some sales stats.

We need to get in contact with Old El Paso. I'm okay with being in the minority. That's all good. You know, you said Burma's. I would be very surprised if my mum's ever had a taco. Oh, really? Too spicy. Mints. I don't a taco. Oh, really? Too spicy. Mints.

I don't know. Mints with pepper. Too spicy. Too spicy. Too rich. Oh, no, my mum used to make hard shell tacos, but I doubt she would have ever had a soft shell with anything other than mints in it.

My mum wouldn't have, I don't even know if my mum would have delved into Mexican food. Nah. Like nachos. Nachos would be too messy for her, I think. We always had nachos growing up. Never had nachos. In the odd hard shell.

We never even had corn chips. Oh, really? No. Corn chips, if that was like... Because you were on your own there. You would have eaten them after school. No, no, no, it was too spicy. Oh, right.

Salt and vinegar was borderline too much flavour. Yeah, right, okay. Salt and vinegar. Was borderline too much flavour. Yeah, right. Okay. Very Irish in our origins. Just plain teat holes and some white bread. With some macaroni elbows. And all the other white food. Yep.

I know we've just talked heaps about tacos, but I kind of want cow bra. Yeah, I want cow bra too. Okay, cool. Cow bras? Okay. We go now. This would be good. To Japan.

We go now to Japan. This would be bra's on a cow. No, it. Cow bras? Okay. We go now. To Japan. We go now to Japan. There's better be bras on a cow. No, it's stripes on a cow. It's painting cows. How is that a bra? Why do you say cow bras? Like zebras. Cow bras. What? Cow bras. You should have said

cow bras. Cow bras. Would you not have chosen cow bras? Because I googled cow bras and that came up and I thought that's what we were getting. That's really cute. Oh my god, they're like bras for the udder. Is that a joke or did that cow actually need support? No, that wouldn't happen.

Because they just dangle it out. That's fake, isn't it? That's fake news. Well, in Japan... I don't want this one. I want the taco one. Because your mispronunciation led me to believe I was getting a different product. I agree. Because I've seen the picture of the cow bra.

But it's an interesting story. They're testing out an experiment to see if it leads to less disease. No. On the cow. Yeah. Boring. I don't want tacos.

We've never had a switch of story ever in story time. We're overthrowing you. First time for everything. God, this is the problem when you give the people too much power and democracy, eh? Or we just take it. Yeah. I'm Frank Benignamorama.

He's still cacking around, eh? How am I the one overthrown in a coup? Who's run a good coup? I don't know. What about a female dictator? Are there any female dictators? Is there female dicks? Just finish dictator next time before you start again.

Female dictators. Okay, stand by. I'm googling. Bloody every female of us. Jeez, they just do what they want. Run right all over us. List of female dictators. There's not going to be many.

No. Oh, I've got to sign up to some bloody thing. I'm clicking that down. Dictators? Nah, because we're not desperate for power. Been flinging it around, are we? No. Hmm.

All right, we go now to Arizona, where a taco has saved a man's life after a near miss with a stray bullet. So this man, Ryan, he feels lucky to be alive after the bullet came close to causing him serious injury and possibly death while driving. He was driving along Sunday just after lunchtime when the driver's window of his vehicle shattered. He heard a loud explosion. He told the news that he thought a rocket hit the window.

He pulled over to inspect the damage, but he saw that there was no, when he saw there was no oncoming traffic, he got a safe distance, called over, and he saw a bullet lodged into his car. And he said if he hadn't been eating his taco, he would have had the window down and the bullet would have gone. Oh, wow.

Yeah. But if it had the window down it would have been blowing the shredded lettuce around. That's what he said. It makes a mess of his taco. He is, so he has the window up when he's eating his taco and driving because he says he doesn't like the mess that causes the taco. I've never eaten a taco

while driving. I wouldn't want to because they're very messy. It'll go everywhere. But again, if you were going to eat a taco driving, you'd go soft shell because it's more malleable to your hand, isn't it? And you can squeeze the end and make a seal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I mean, this would happen on a hard shell or soft shell taco.

You would get the dribble juice out the end. Yeah. Well, anyway, yeah, he's crediting the taco for saving his life or at least stopping his arm getting blown apart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he's crediting the taco for saving his life. Or at least stopping his arm getting blown apart. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody has messaged in calling us weak and you double deck a taco.

You have a hard shell wrapped in a soft shell. Oh, get it. What are you, a monster? Oh my God, I've tried that. You've just doubled your carbohydrate intake. The hard shell taco is disgusting. It's a disgusting, everything about it is disgusting.

Do they come flavoured? You're a hard shell taco. Because the flavour is in what you're putting in it. No, but I want it to taste like a Dorito. A soft shell, just as flour.

Yeah, I know. It's not sprinkled with flavour either. I'm trying to make hard shell tacos better, so I'm thinking flavour them like a Dorito, like a salsa Dorito.

You think that the crunchy is enough, then you flavour it with what's in it. You can have both, Megan. Why are you selling yourself short? Why don't you flavour your soft shells? Well, if I made my own, I would. But they don't need it because they've got the soft texture. Let's just agree to disagree.

I prefer hard and you prefer soft. It takes all sorts. Like people who are right, like us, and people who are wrong. You can get cheese-flavoured taco shells. That's somebody's message. Wonderful. That's right. Also, someone wants to know what's been slipped into your coffee this morning.

Crack cocaine. We've lost Fletch. What are you doing? You've just gone quiet for the last 30 seconds. Megan and I have been indulging in our jobs. I've been Googling. Well, no, I have been fighting some ammunition for my soft-shell hard-shell.

Some sales stats. In a debate, Fletch just goes quiet for two minutes while he does his research, and then he comes back with some bloody zingers. Yeah, no, so they've asked people their preference for hard or soft-shell tacos. People, just how many? Results found that hard-shell lovers

also tend to have a hotter side since they're 71% more likely to find spice appealing. Okay. I'm messaging old Alpaiso right now. I found him on Facebook. Okay. People that like hard shell tacos are more extroverted.

Why? Because they like a crunch. They like an attention garnering crunch. Look at me. Attention seekers. Look at me. I'm a Leo. That's totally true.

I don't dispute that. And then an old introvert over there. What? Stay at home. Thanks. Thank you. I want to talk about now a 17-year-old who's apparently a right little go-getter. A hard-shelled taco lover.

Probably. Oh, it wouldn't surprise me if he is. Very much a National Party taco, isn't it? A hard shell. Stuck in their ways. The National Party have got a 17-year-old who is going to be standing. He might be 18 by then. Good, so he can vote.

So he was born in 2002. Was that noise like, oh, I remember that year because I was an adult. Yeah. So he was born the year that I lived unemployed in my parents' garage for six months. That's right. He was born the year I begun this unemployed in my parents' garage for six months. That's right. He was born the year

I begun this illustrious broadcasting career. Okay. So it's his fault? The butterfly effect? No, it was Mercury. Oh, right. In retrograde.

Bloody retrograde. But he's 17 years old. His name's William Wood. And I don't want to take anything away from it because he's a young go-getter. Like yourself. Like you were living in your parents' bedroom on the Benny.

Yep. Just wanting to get into radio. I was 20 when I was living in my parents' garage on the Benny. He's 17 and he's standing for Parliament. So we're both suckling off the taxpayer's teat. Are we? Yeah. The only difference is he was wearing a suit while he was doing it.

Yep. And he probably wasn't playing with himself four or five times a day. Although he might find time. I've told him he is 17 after all. You tend to prioritise that sort of thing at that age. Anyway, moving on. Don't want to end his career

before it's begun. But he's 17 years old and he's standing for National in the Palmerston North electorate. And he's been voted in by the, like, they've voted. The Nat General get-together in Palmerston North voted for him. And he beat out three older women. Adrienne Pearce, Ava Neal, and the sitting National MP, Jo Hayes.

He beat them. So that proves to you they'd rather go for a young man than an experienced woman. I'm glad that you said that because that's exactly what I was thinking. That's what I felt like. If you look at the crowd, a lot of old white guys and their wives who look like they've been begrudgingly dragged along. Right, okay. Can we just go and get a bloody salve down the road now?

I don't know what to shake his hand. So this 17-year-old year old William Is going to be Standing in the General election Next year 17 years old As I said Probably 18 by then

When he won They presented him With a bottle of wine And of course That's illegal Oh yeah Unless his parents Unless his parents

Were there to supervise Him drinking it He said That choosing me Sends a message That we're going to do something different. It does. Yeah. It's correct. Although they did all say that Jacinda was too young to be.

Yeah. They did. Female though. Oh, yeah, true. Not a young man. Young man can handle it. Yeah, because he's got a penis. Yeah.

So that's worth credit. It's a free pass. Yeah, yeah. Right. She, I don't know if you caught it, she's a woman. Right, okay. What's she doing? And she's a bubba.

She's too busy with the child at home, baking sweets and cakes and pastries. Isn't it time to be running the country? 6.23, next on the show. Who be running the country? 6.23 next to the show Who's running the household? What was in your coffee this morning? I do not know

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast Japan has brought us another treat What have they got? Robot Cafe Is it Robot Cafe? Yeah and they always have different Kit Kats Like a million flavours

All the Kit Kats All the Kit Kats in the world All the Kit Kats All the awesome Kit Cafes that I'll never go to. Sneezy, but you'd love Fletch. Pokemon Museum. Yep. Really?

Yeah. Weird vending machines. Yeah. Well, now they have KFC, but it is all you can eat. There is a restaurant. The Massive on Cave KFC is a traditional Christmas meal. Is it? In Japan.

Really? Yes, it is. This could never work here. We'd bank-ripe to KFC. So the deal is... We'll show you. I can see a picture of it, but it has lots of things

that we don't know KFC to be. So there's KFC,, normal, original recipe. Biscuits, I guess that's, is that scones? You know how American biscuits are like scones? I actually quite like a bit of that with fried chicken. So there's another fried chicken outlet. Texas Chicken. They do, like, a honey bun, and it's like a sweet bread.

Scon thing. Right. Yeah,. Texas chicken. They do like a honey bun and it's like a sweet bread. Scon thing. Right. Yeah, that's good stuff. They also have pasta, fries, curry, soup, salad. Yeah. And then dessert as well. And then you can get packages, and this also would not work in New Zealand, packages for soft drinks, like all you can eat and soft drinks, or alcohol.

Oh, wow. Yeah, New Zealand would ruin that in the first week. Beer and fried chicken. Yeah, all you can eat and drink. ruin that in the first week. Beer and fried chicken. Yeah, all you can eat and drink. I don't know. What a time to be alive. I don't know if I could do much, though, because sometimes I'll bite off more than I can chew

with a big pack of Wicked Wings. I'm like, this is too much. But that's what they bank on, right? With like a buffet and you pay more than you'd actually eat. Yeah, it's like all you can eat pancake places. You can't eat as many pancakes as you think because it's just fluffy emptiness. It really is.

So it only costs $29 New Zealand and then if you wanted oh that's lunch and then dinner is $38. Still not that much. That's still pretty good. I'm going to hit that. How much is the boozy one?

I think you pay $18 extra. $18? Sounds like a hot date night to me. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. World Health Organisation, who have looked into active children. Right.

And this includes teenagers. And it's pretty shocking. South Korea is the worst. Really? Only 6% of children in South Korea are active for an hour a day. 6%? You think about when you're a kid,

you're always tearing around. Yeah. We strapped the, the girls found this old stepper meter yesterday. And so it was like six o'clock. Yeah. And you know when you're a kid and it's getting close to bedtime, you just want to do

as much stuff as possible. You ramp it up. Yeah, yeah. To make your parents forget that you've said, you're in bed at seven tonight. So they found this old stepper meter and strapped it on

and just went nuts for like an hour and got seven and a half thousand steps. Wow. And they went straight to bed after that, right? And then afterwards they were like... It actually worked a treat. It was a great plan.

So, yeah, they went... But then they play outside at school all the time. All they're doing is monkey... You should see and... I don't want to brag, but you should see my children's upper body strength. Oh, I know. Monkey bars was my jam, and now I'm like can't even hang on.

Do a chin-up. Where did it go wrong? I don't know. It's because you stopped monkey bars one day. Do you imagine if you'd kept going with the monkey bars, even some casual monkey bars for a couple of minutes a day? No, but you leave school and you start eating, and then you've got more to pull up.

It's a problem. But if you were all doing it gradually, you'd probably still be pretty handy at the monkey bars. Just never give up the monkey bars. You've got calluses and you're like, rub your hands together, keep going. Yeah, calluses and they get straight back on the monkey bars and they can monkey bar for ages. I'm like, don't stop monkey barring.

What are South Koreans doing? Nothing. Just staying inside. Computer games. Nothing. Right, okay. Lazy shits. But they're not,

they're the worst. They're the worst. We're not the worst. So South Korea and the Philippines, Cambodia and Sudan, 90% of teenagers are what is considered

physically inactive. But those are not obese, like typically the high obese nations. No. So they're inactive. But are their diets better? Some of those countries, if you went outside, you'd probably get eaten by a tiger or something or a lion. Oh, bear.

Oh, my. I mean, Sudan would be the only country that ever would have tigers. Philippines. Famously. I got rid of all their tigers. So apparently in the UK, it's just under 80% of teenagers are considered to be doing insufficient physical activity. And this is why they're predicting obesity rates

will be skyrocketing in like 10 years. We're worse. 88.7% of New Zealand teenagers... Are not doing enough. Are not doing enough. We're worse. 88.7% of New Zealand teenagers. Are not doing enough. Are not doing enough. We're just behind Australia. This is pretty bad. We're worse than Italy.

So what are we on the list? We're fourth. Around about fourth. Fourth or fifth. So. Yeah. Do you want to know where they do the most exercise? Yeah.

Bangladesh, number one 66% of children are active For less than an hour a day So that's still not great Yeah But it's considerably more than the rest Slovakia, Ireland And the US actually smoke us

The US are considerably more active than we are Yeah Is there a computer game we can do on a treadmill? So you have to like run to like get something. Pokemon Go got people outside, didn't it?

Yeah. It did. But I mean, they were walking quite slowly. Walking and then standing still to catch. And then you're like, oh, I've had enough for today.

But they'd run. They'd run for a Charizard. Yeah. They'd run for a Charizard. And this unsurprisingly mapped over time, there's a strong correlation with the percentage of obese 10 and 11-year-olds. Really? Wow.

We've now, in England, anyway, they've hit a quarter. A quarter of 10-year-olds are obese. God, those monkey bars will need reinforcing. Get some of those parallel support bars. Yeah. Some angled support. Get some of those parallel support bars. Yeah. Some angled support. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six.

Good morning. Maddie Davidson could be New Zealand's first female trampolinist at an Olympics event. I didn't even know they did. Trampolining at the Olympics. Yeah, they go so high. So is it like going to Jump World or whatever it's called? Jump with all the trampolines. Yeah, or any trampoline park, except these people ain't mucking around.

When you go real high, sometimes then you freak out and your legs go ba-dum when you hit the ground. They jump and then they must get over that whole stomach going, thing when they get really high. But she could not beat her nemesis, not a person, a move, the Triffus. The Triffus? The Triffus. What is the Triffus? The Triff, as she called it, for short. Let me explain it.

It's a triple somersault with a half twist. That's why they have to go so high to have time to do all that. She wanted to master the trefus to begin a routine to perform on the trampoline world stage. She's had a lot of trouble with it. Okay. Nailed it.

She's nailed it. Her coach, who is an ex-Ukrainian trampolinist, wouldn't give up on her. And they did it. So she could be representing New Zealand.

With the Triff. With the Triff. And then a whole bunch of other stuff. But I'm saying, hey, Maddie, not yet, champ. You've got some other moves. I've got the top six other trampolining moves that now are before the Olympics. Number six, jumping off the toe sets and other trampolining moves than now before the Olympics. Number six, jumping off the garage roof onto

the trampoline and not having your knees buckle underneath your enormous weight. Although you don't have an enormous weight.

This is a problem primarily for me. I'm a little top heavy. Right. And granted, I haven't jumped off the garage

roof onto a trampoline for many years. Yeah. But I always remember it being quite the undertaking. We made an obstacle course.

This was pre-Ninja Warrior. Okay. This was more gladiators. You were ahead of your time. We lent the trampoline up on the fence. Broke the fence. Got a hiding for that. But before we broke it, you'd jump off the garage roof and boing,

and it would shoot you on an angle. We had a pile of the old mattresses. Just an idea for your next party. I'm imagining this will be around your birthday. 2040. Your trampoline on the deck. I go up on the roof and go trampoline pull. That's a big gap. That's a big gap.

You know, I'll be running down the roof. Running down the roof. This is how you die. Trampoline pull. That's a big gap. You know, I'll be running down the roof. Running down the roof. This is how you die. Trampoline pool. This is how you die. There's concrete in between. And a glass balustrade. We'll put the couch cushions on the balustrade and the concrete.

Okay. I can do this. Okay. Might need a couple of long white raspberries. Exactly. You don't even jump off the five metre diving board at the pools. We're calling an ambulance. I'm not driving.

I'm having one on standby. Number five. How long do ambulances take to get to your house? Ages. Jesus. Well, you've got to climb to the top of the nearest hill to get cell phone reception. Oh, okay. Well, I might get one on standby then.

Yeah, just get one there. Like a St. John's at any sort of event. Yeah. Do they just come to parties for free? I don't think so. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six trampolining moves to now before the Olympics.

Now, stay with me, Maddie, because this one's a tough one. Back to stomach to bum to knees. Back to standing. It's that back to stomach because you've got to fling your legs right under. Yeah, it's like a half flip, Maddie. It's not back to stomach because you've got to fling your legs right under. Yeah, it's like a half flip, Maddie. It's not going to be easy, buddy. It's not going to be easy at all. And I don't want to see any of that back roll to stomach.

I want back transition through standing to stomach. Legs can't touch the ground. It's not back, legs, stomach. No, no, no, no, no, no. Number four on the list of the top six trampolining moves for Maddie to nail before the Olympics. Bouncing on the tramp without taking off your shoes without your mum

seeing you on the tramp with shoes on. Because you get in trouble. Get up wearing shoes on the trampoline, are you? Get those shoes off the trampoline! Why weren't you allowed shoes on the trampoline? Why did it matter? Because you rip them. We're all wearing a hard-soled rugged shark. Back in the day.

Rip the tramp. You could probably go on in a soft shoe. Yeah, right. Nowadays, we got a Roman candle through our trampoline, Matt, as a kid. Good Lord. That burn hole was a constant reminder. And then everyone was putting their finger in it. And you know when you put your finger in a hole, it gets bigger.

Soon enough, no trampoline. Who's laughing now? Number three on the list of the top six trampolining moves to nail before the Olympics are doing a flip onto your neck. And then pretending like you meant to do it and you're not hurt. And then going for a little walk behind the garage

and having a cry. Because you couldn't let your parents see you crying even though they told you, don't do that, you'll hurt your neck. They can never know. And number two on the list of the top six trampolining moves for Maddie to nail before the Olympics. Remaining standing

when the sprinkler is underneath and there's dishwashing liquid all over the trampoline. That is a slippery devil. You nailed that, though. You've got an Olympic gold medal. Yeah. You try doing the back to stomach to bums to knees on a sunlight liquid covered sprinkler

underneath trampoline and you'll get yourself a gold. And number one on the list of the top six trampolining moves for Maddie to nail before the Olympics, double bouncing your sibling off the trampoline. Yeah. It's a classic.

It was a classic of our day, but it's no easy task now with those big, tall safety nets. You've really got to double bounce and shove them at the same time and just hope enough of their body gets over top that they can't pull themselves back in. Yeah. Someone's going to get hurt, but do you want a spot at the Olympics or not?

Go get them, Maddie. That is today's top six. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. We have some correspondence from someone who needs some help. We'll also cross to Fletch for his opinion on this in just a second as well, which is what we're laughing at.

But it's a Christmas question. So they would, I'll read their message. Hey, FVM, I need your help. I've started seeing a guy and we've been together for about two months. Now, I don't know what I'm supposed to do for Christmas. I'm thinking, do I have to get him a Christmas present? I'm not sure whether he's going to get me one either.

We haven't had that conversation. Do I get him something little or is there some sort of price range I'm supposed to stick to? Would appreciate your help. Well, this is actually your chance to set the bar in a relationship and say, if there's no presents, no presents. Or be honest with them and say, there's no presents no presents or be honest with them and say

let's just do something little but then if you go too high with a present every Christmas and birthday afterwards it's going to be thus must be matched yeah exactly

and the trouble is you can never trust what the other person's saying either like are we just going to do something little yeah we're just going to

do something little and then they turn up with a massive gift and you've literally got them a box of favourites but I guess that's on them right to do something little? Yeah, we're just going to do something little. And then they turn up with a massive gift and you've literally got them a box of favourites. But I guess that's on them, right? They said something little, so you stuck to it. But I guess what, after a couple of months... Something thoughtful, but not expensive, I think.

So you'd go little present, thoughtful, not expensive. Yeah. Something that shows like, I've paid attention to things that you've been saying, you know? That you're interested in what they're interested in. So we asked on our Instagram poll, if you've been dating for less than a month, in this example, a month, should you get them a Christmas present? 53% of people said yep and no, 47%. So it's quite split, right?

No, nothing. Yeah, nothing Yeah, nothing Absolutely nothing 47% Is this exclusive dating? Less than a month is different than It'll be three by the time they get to Christmas Yeah, that's true

Three months That's kind of your magic marker, isn't it? Yeah Well, it is for me Because my relationships previous to Sade Never lasted longer than three months That was when they got out Were you doing that night?

I was 90 days. Yeah, it is. It was like I was a toothbrush. I did one season and then like smothering your toothbrush. Or a poor cafe worker. Yeah. And you kept getting let go after 90 days. Yeah, pretty much.

I was on a 90-day high fire situation. That's quite interesting. But yeah, that example is a month. But I think a couple of months, you could get them a little, I'm probably with you, just get them a little something. Really? Really. Like what? How much? Oh, like $10. Would it need to be official or just kind of like?

It'd be a $10 present. And it'd probably be a cheap one, because you know me, I'm quite cheap. What? Are you? To us you are. Why are you? You're not getting anything more out of us, are you? You're not getting A Christmas present You don't do Christmas presents

This is so rude I actually can't remember If you've ever Wore me a Christmas present No because Didn't one year We do them Because you were so like

We're doing presents Yeah And then Vaughn and I Begrudgingly No because you remember Megan got you that lime tree Lemon tree Lemon tree

Yeah That was a year We did presents Yeah And what did you get me that year? Stolen girlfriend's jersey. That's right. That was a really good present.

Why did I get a shitty lemon tree? You got a stolen girlfriend's jersey. I mean, you got bears with it too. Okay, I did get bears with it. To put your lemons in.

But then I had to wait for the lemon tree to grow and then it died. Yeah, but that's on you. It died. Yeah. I got a lot of years

out of that stolen girlfriend's jacket. You did. It was a great jersey. You did. Yeah. You're welcome. Okay. But then Mike Peru got the same jersey so out of that stolen girlfriend's jacket. Jersey. It was a great jersey. You did. Yeah. You're welcome. But then Mike Peru got the same jersey, so I had to get rid of it.

You've got to ditch it. How dare he? Like, he saw I was wearing that around work for like a year. That's uncalled for. He was like, they look so good on you, I need the same one. I'm going to do it. I mean, I should take the compliment, yeah. Okay, so we're-

You were influenced before influencing was a thing. Yeah. Okay. I, yeah. Well, the girl that broke up with me on Christmas. Yeah. 19 years this year. The memory's starting to fade.

Oh, that's good. I remember getting her little things. A double CD. Oh, okay. Yeah. That was quite. That was probably 30 bucks back in the day. Two CDs.

Do you know what? I reckon we should take some calls now from those people that just started dating someone and they went over the top with a present. Like, maybe you were with someone for like a month or two. But that... And they went over... And you were like, whoa, this doesn't match how I feel. I know.

That's the thing. You might be trying to make a grand gesture, but you might scare them off. Like if you go too hard out with a present. Well, maybe you were the one that got the big present and it didn't go down well. Yeah. Give us a call.

0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696. When did someone go over the top for a present when you've only just started dating? And bonus points if it was like an engagement ring or something really coupley. Like one of those... Engagement ring. That's pretty coupley.

Or one of those like necklaces. It doesn't get much more coupley than engagement ring. Okay, obviously that was a bad example. But maybe, okay, what about those necklaces that are like half a heart? What, and they wear the other half? Yeah. You suck at this.

They're going quite coupley. Quite coupley. Well, I don't know. What's another example? I don't know. All right. A plant. A plant.

A plant. An indoor plant. A house plant. No, see, that's not it. A monster. Oh, those are expensive, too. But they go wild. Okay, so when did someone go over the top of the prison

and you'd only just started dating? Give us a call. 0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. Text. So if you've only been dating someone a couple of months, should you get them a present? That's the question we asked. And what do you get them?

It was about 50-50. People were like, nah, nothing, nothing major, nothing big. And it has got us onto talking about those times when you've been with someone and maybe not for long and then they drop a big present on you. Because it can be scary. It can make you run the other way. Yeah.

Some text messages in. I was seeing a guy for about a month. I mentioned briefly when I saw on Facebook, when I saw an ad for a gimbal. Now that's the thing that holds a camera and you can move it and it gives it a steady picture. How cool those would be. Two weeks later he had me an

early Christmas present. It was a $400 gimbal from the US. It's a little bit whoa. A little bit much. I was like, well, I love this. This is awesome. But I don't know what your expectations are from here. We dated for three weeks and he took me on an all expenses paid trip

to Rotorua for the whole weekend for my birthday. That was another gift. Again, it was enjoyable, but... Oh, no, and then their second text message and... Not their sex text. Yeah.

Said we're still together three years later. So that made it sound like it was a little bit much. Did they do the luge? How many... Just for my birthday. How many rants did Did they do the luge? How many rides did he shout on the luge? Well, you'd be five. At least five.

You'd be best to go for a five. Yeah, because you've got to try both tracks a couple of times. Five ride ticket. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My boyfriend got me

a V8 driving experience and a whole bunch of bath bombs after two months of dating. Well, after all that V8 driving, you're going to be sweaty, aren't you?

You've got to relax in a Rose-scented, busy bath. That was after two months of dating. We're still together three years later. Regards, Eve. This is some great ideas for people needing Christmas present ideas. You can't go wrong with a bath. I would love that. A V8 driving experience and then a lovely bath.

You actually would. That's right up my alley. You get there and they're like, we've just got the Fords today. Oh. You'd be like, oh shit. I better wash that Ford

off me later in my bath, Bob, while I'm drinking a Cody's bourbon. Shannon, what happened? I've been together with him for two and a half weeks and he bought me a rose gold heart necklace

and matching earrings from Michael Hill Jewelers. Oh, Michael Hill Jewelers. Wow, so how much would he have spent on you? I don't know. Maybe like, I'm thinking maybe like $400 or $500. Is rose gold your jam? It's not everybody's thing, is it? Yeah, no, it's not.

It's not. I like yellow gold. So he got you the wrong type. Did that scare you off? It did, yeah. It was too much, too soon, and it was like, whoa. And so, yeah, not long after that, I broke up with him. And I offered it back to him, and he was like, no, no, you keep it.

And so I ended up re-gifting it to my mum for her birthday. Oh, win-win. Hot play. A great play. Shannon, thanks for your call. Natalie, what present did you get from someone? Well, when I worked at McDonald's when I was a student, I hooked up with a guy that I worked with a couple of times at crew parties.

Yeah. And we'd been out to the movies once. Natalie, I have a question. Do you have the crew party at McDonald's when they, like, close? Or do you go off-site? No, because we're in the mall, so we couldn't stay after hours. Because I imagine things get loose with the soft-serve machine. And do they cater with McDonald's, or do you get other food?

No, no, no, no. It's mostly alcohol, to be fair. I'm sure McDonald's corporate are loving hearing this. Now, that's a true happy meal. Well, it's a very, very long time ago now. This was like 20 plus years ago. But yeah, this guy is a really nice guy, but he decided to wreck the secret Santa

and pull my name out and bought me a gold watch for Christmas. Wow. And so everyone at work knew who it was from and what it was about and freaked me completely out. Also, were McDonald's paying way more back then, 20 years ago? Not at all. I knew how much he earned.

He was like on $8 something an hour and he'd spend $120 on a watch for me. Oh, my God. His fingers were in the till. Natalie, thanks for your call. Paige, what happened? Well, my friend and her boyfriend, they've only been dating for like one and a half weeks, two weeks. And he got her a Huffer jumper and two fishing rod things

that were like $23 each. And they're only like 13. They're only 13? Wait, wait. Fishing rod. So he got her his and her fishing rod set. Yeah. That's really cute.

Her dad got her a fishing rod, so it went pretty well. Let's go murder some fish together this time of year. Does she even like fishing, Paige? Yeah, she does. Oh, okay.

And did she like the present? Yeah, she really did. Wow. So do you think after a week and a half, two weeks, they're going to get married eventually?

I don't know. They're going to... Yeah. Paige, make sure you get in for bridesmaid. Tell her that you're going to be bridesmaid, okay? All right. All right. Thanks, Paige. All right.

See you, dude. My boyfriend got me an expensive perfume and one kg of chocolates after two weeks of dating and now we're married and have a baby three years later. Oh, there you go. There you go. That's a happy ending. No word as to what happened

to the kgs of chocolate. Probably still in the pantry. Covered in white stuff but you can't throw it at you because you might use it for baking one day. That's a good idea. You should make them

like a little hamper of like treats that they like. Ooh, okay. Because then like you prove you know them and like food's not that much of a commitment, is it? And you're not going to spend too much money.

And right in the card, something along the lines of, I like you enough to fatten you up. So you're not going anywhere. Right. Let's say you run away from me after this amount of chocolate. Yeah, okay. To be fatty. Not yet, but soon to be fatty.

Some people getting some real cash dropped on them. Somebody said, I got a Karen Walker filigree bracelet after a month and a half. Now, apparently that's over a grand's worth, so I was like, what? Is it gold? Because that's just like... Next level. Expensive. So the small filigree

is $650. The medium filigree is $650. The medium filigree is $1200. The large filigree is $1300. The gold filigree is $8000. Yeah. Jesus. Are they still together?

Huh? Are they still together? No, no. No word. No word. After two months together he got us a flash barbecue. He got himself one. He's a good man. And told me he loved me. We're married now.

Oh, there you go. That's good. I wonder what the barbecue's like now. Because you know you always need to replace those every five years, don't you? That's what you think. But all you need to do is turn that thing on hot. Yep. And cover it in oil and all the bad stuff burns off

and you're back in business for another season on the barbie. Barbecue tips from Vaughan Smith. Just hot. Burn it hot for a few hours. Right. It'll kill anything. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far?

And it's all thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor. Do you love free data? Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay. Hey guys, let's get back into that podcast. And big announcement from Jetstar. If you

are travelling on Jetstar, they're now increasing their carry-on limit to 14kgs. Okay, but you have to pay for that because you have to pay when you book, don't you? Yes, that was where I was going with this for a fee. Yeah, okay. So you can double the standard carry-on of 7kgs to 14kgs by paying $14, starting at $14.

That's not bad because then you don't have to line up for check-in, do you? That's what they're hoping they'll achieve. Just go straight on. Yeah, reducing the queues at the airport. That's what they want to achieve. So you can boost it to 10 kgs now, right? You can do basic for seven, you can boost to 10, I think,

and then now you can go up to 14. Right. Or you can just try and sneak on 20 kgs on Air New Zealand because they don't check. They don't weigh, do they? No way. Well, why would you say anything? They and other news have been voted the best,

the world's best airline for 2020. Jetstar. Air New Zealand. Listen to that absolute surprise in her voice, Jetstar. Listen to how Jetstar. I was excited for them. I was like, surely that's Jetstar. We were talking about Jetstar.

I know, I know. You can't just bring in like, yeah. Well, no, I think the carry-on uffage is good. Do they have like a size limit? Here's my thing, because you know I love to board early, and you're going to want to board early if they're letting people bring on 14 kgs. Yeah. That's true. Because those overheads will be bloody chocker letting people bring on 14 kgs. Yeah. That's true.

Because those overheads will be bloody chocker. Yeah. They already are as it is. That's true. Because I need a big bag. Who do you fly on? Yeah. I think they still have the size limits for the bag.

Right. But you can still make a small bag. But you can have two bags. Yeah, that's true. You can spread it over two bags, I think. Oh, you can. Was the deal, which is just less room. My deal is you should be able to put one in the overhead

and the other one should have to go under the seat in front of you. Or, no, that's why you get on first. You board first, chuck your bags up there, and you don't have anything under your feet. And the late people have to have it all squidged under their seat and get no leg room. And that's their penalty for being late boarders. No, no, no, no, no.

That shouldn't be. That's because you are a late boarder. No, no, no, no, no. That shouldn't be. That's because you are a late boarder. Yeah. I'm not in any hurry. It's that time I was on the, early to the Jetstar flight, they made me do the Jetstar jump and then I was in the commercial for like eight years.

Maybe the Jetstar jump. Okay. Megan, you've got the latest. The other person that did the Jetstar jump, because we were walking out onto the tarmac, and they're like, do the Jetstar jump. And the other person that was with me, a very small person, they did the Jetstar jump and got sucked into the engine.

And I said, I don't want that to happen. And they're like, no chance of that, chunky. And I was like, I can do a Jetstar jump. Watch, man, I did it. And they were like, ha-ha, tricked you. Now you're in our ads. And I was like, let me go. Contractually, I was locked in.

You're still making up Jetstar stories. Are you talking about the star jump thing? The Jetstar jump. You look, you find the old advertising. There's me doing the Jetstar jump. And my friend's corpse dangling out of the engine. What? It didn't happen.

I would have photoshopped the blood and guts out, but they didn't. They refused to. Oh, my God. And then they said it was a bird strike. Yeah, right. Birds don't have ponytails. Don't they?

No, my friend doesn't either anymore because they're dead. Now Jetstar Corporate will be bloody scrambling to try and take down all that footage. Hey, baby, it was 2009. It was a different time. Producer Caitlin, are you on any dating apps at the moment? Not actively. Right, this isn't...

Sometimes when I drink, I look at... Oh, so they're installed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right, they're there in the back. But I'm not, like, on it talking to people. This isn't Caitlin's big announcement, by, yeah. Right, they're there in the back. But I'm not like on it talking to people. This isn't Caitlin's big announcement, by the way. That's coming up in about 10 minutes. But a study's been done in the Netherlands

that has looked at grammar and spelling on dating apps. So if you match with someone, Caitlin, and they were very hot just looking at their photos, and then they mixed up the wrong there or, you know, like they spelt a word wrong would that instantly be how would you feel about that i mean i have to put my hand up and say i'm

not the best speller i am good with my there's and my they're there's and there is and there is um but sometimes yeah sometimes i'm oh, do I say something? Because you're, you know, a grown man. So even typos came up in the study as well, which I'd probably, I'd forgive a typo if I could see what they were trying to spell. Because, you know, people are often walking and typing and, you know, they're busy multitasking. But then there, there, I'm always like, ew.

But sometimes that can be like type, that can be like a autocorrect as well. That's true. So a study of online daters in the Netherlands has found that spelling mistakes in a dating profile, such as writing,

say you mixed, instead of writing the, you wrote T-E-H, or using irregular caps or mixing up like the there, there. Or irregular caps. I don't know who's doing irregular caps. That's.

Those kind of mistakes are perceived as signals of sloppiness or lack of care, which in turn affects the profile holder's perceived attractiveness. So you go down in attractiveness. Yeah. If you have spelling mistakes or bad grammar. See, because when I started, like, seeing my husband, he is not very good with the grammar. Right.

But that's not his first language. English is not his first language. So if they're a hottie, just give them a break for a little bit. And then, like... And how is he now? Have you whipped him into shape? Whipped him into shape, Whipped him into shape. Right.

Getting some after school tutorials. So knowing Vaughn as well helps because Vaughn loves to correct some bad grammar, as he does. They also looked at informal communication and excessive exclamation marks. So if you were like, hello, exclamation mark, exclamation mark, exclamation mark,

or used emojis, they thought maybe you'd be seen as kinder, you know, because it's a bit more informal. Maybe it would be kinder and warm. But in fact, those whose grammar was more formal were rated as warmer people. So using emojis and slang doesn't help either. So if you are going to open communications with someone on Tinder or Bumble or whatever, you should put your full address up in the top right-hand corner and then back onto the left side

of the page, you put today's date. Then start with dear sir, madam, to whom it may concern. And then formally begin to make inquiries as to what they up to. Yeah. Sup. That's quite interesting though, isn't it? It's so hard because you already look into what emoji you're sending or type three

exclamation marks, delete two. But then if someone was using really formal sentences and even full stops, it's weird. Yeah. Because I just use ha ha ha as my full stop quite often. You know, like when I'm messaging you guys, I'm like, ha, ha, ha, ha. Even though nothing that's said was funny. I know.

Sometimes I'm like, you're actually laughing. Not really, no. Just finishing a sentence. Yeah. The only way I know how. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Caitlin, producer Caitlin, joins us in studio for an announcement of sorts. Caitlin, hello.

Hello, guys. Now. Oh, no. Sorry. She's already started crying. I didn't even need the sad music. When you try. Oh, God, I can't look at you.

Please don't actually look at me. Don't anyone look at me. Oh, my God. This is, it sounds like I'm dying I'm not dying It's fine Everything's fine Everything's fine

Everything's fine I have made a decision To leave ZM at the end of the year After six years with you guys. And actually like... Well, let's know. It's not six years. It's five and a bit.

It's five. You're rounding up. I've nearly been in... It feels like 10. If you're in a Swedish round, it's five. It feels like 10, doesn't it? 10 years? It feels like 20.

Is it rude to say to me? I mean, you just age everyone. Really quickly. Oh, I see. That's what you're saying. My fletch line. Excuse me, Vaughn. Oh, no, carry on, actually.

If you're going to say this is Caitlin's moment. No. Didn't mean to interrupt. Go on. Go ahead. No, that makes it easier for me. Yes, I've decided to leave. I've been doing radio for nearly 10 years.

Probably closer to eight. She's doing that thing. Oh, my God. It's not. Please, go on. Stop it. And next year, I'm going to be turning 30. So, obviously, a bit of a...

She's turning 25. Again, what's the rounding? I'm trying to lighten the mood, Megan. This is what I do. Have you ever been at a funeral with me? I'm like wake up come on

get out joke's over light the moon yeah so you're leaving this is my final year this is the last three weeks of me here with you guys

you bitch I'll say it how dare you how dare you who else is going to deal with us? How dare you leave? No one. We're actually in dire straits.

This was a life sentence. Did you not read your contract fine print? You leave when I tell you to leave. You're not going anywhere. Chokes on you. Ha ha. Did all the work getting your student loan. It means nothing.

You're not going anywhere. Well, you're the student loan. You are going to be student life next year. I am. Tell everyone what you're going to do. I have decided to move back to Christchurch because I'm going to be a poor student, so I'm living at my parents' apartment.

And I'm going to study nursing. Because you want to help the world with your hands. One day, hopefully, yeah. Yeah. Which is amazing. Like, it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, like leaving you guys. No, it's not.

That's why I'm trying to make it easier. You don't have to say that. Get out of here. Go and get out of here. No, like, I actually have the best job in the world and I have the best life here and I never take any of it for granted but I just yeah, why am I

even laughing? I've wanted to do this for a while now and I have decided that I had to do it and I've got to do it now. Getting into nursing. Hell of a time with the rise of antibiotic resistant bacteria.

You do you. Measles, yeah man mean, you do you. You do you. Measles, yeah, man, you get in there. Anti-vaxxers being a huge problem. No, no, no, you, you, you. By all means, you go front line. It's too late, mate. She's already got the student loan. She's leaving. She's one of these people that have like an undying need to actually help people, whereas like

I don't know. Personally, I don't get it. We don't know what it's like. Yeah. I mean, I might be really terrible at it. I'm so scared. I'm just going to be like, I have to like study, guys. I have to learn science and stuff. Like the other day you were like, I said. You've got to kill people.

No, I know. I actually think I could. People will die in your care. I know. I just had a message from a friend. So, Caitlin's moving to Christchurch, huh? Always thought she was cute. Oh!

They're new honeys. New honeys. New honeys. Well, I've always wanted to get with a doctor. That's the main reason I'm doing this. No, I'm kidding. It's not. If you get in with a doctor in your own hospital,

is that, like, frowned upon? No, they do it on Grey's Anatomy. Yeah. Oh, you're right. Okay. Please tell me. In Shoreland Street. Once I pretended to be a

doctor, and I tore through the nursing staff. Males, females, orderlies, patients. I was a terrible fake doctor. Yeah, right. But we've known frowned upon, Megan, to get back to your point

there, frowned upon. We've known for a few months. Hence, we're not surprised right now. Yeah. So your last show will be on the 13th of December. And until that day, I think it's our duty to embarrass you with all the things we've put you through. Oh, okay, cool. So that's something we can all move on.

I thought it was just going to be like a nice little, maybe one day each day you'd give me a compliment, say something that you love about me. But we can't say anything about your eyes. Yeah, nothing about my eyes. It has to be. You've also been formally warned by HR to stop referring to her nungas. No eyes and no nungas.

I know you love them though, Fletch. You do. I know you love them, so I will get them out for you quite a bit over the next few weeks. Where were they out? Just as a little treat. When did you have them out recently? Oh, Friday Jams.

Friday Jams. Fletch couldn't keep his eyes up. No, he couldn't. I had to take him aside and say, at least all these rumours about us dating will stop. You're going to come visit me though. Oh yeah, we're doing long distance. Now, people are messaging, the podcast is still happening. Because people love your podcast.

Yeah, Girls on Top is still happening. And Ross Boss has said that I can do a weekend show on ZN. Oh God, has he? Because I'm going to be a poor student. So if anyone needs some... Do they pay the 20 bucks? Do they pay the weekend stuff? No, they don't.

What? They don't pay the weekend stuff. No, I think they do. But I'm not employed here. No, but they just say do this show and you might get a job one day. Yeah, that's radio-concept. No, but I don't need that. I need money.

And we'll give you something from the bride's cabin. You can do sausage sizzles at Brownie's Mattress Direct or whatever. Okay. If you need money, you've picked a profession because I've never heard the nurses striking for more. No, I know. They don't love a walk down the street. I mean, I'd give them

more money, but I'm not in charge of it. It's not, yeah. But no, I mean, yeah, we'll see how it goes. I'm doing two years because I've already got a degree in radio,

which apparently helps. Of course, that translates fantastic with nursing. Yeah, so. Otherwise, how long would you have? Three years, but I'm doing a master's degree

in health science. Oh, we were going to have. I've got a degree in radio and 15 years work experience. I'm doing a master's degree in health science. I've got a degree in radio and 15 years work experience. I'm just going to become a neurosurgeon. They're just going to let me poke around in the brain. Oh, it's all right. You know how to turn a microphone on. You must be able to inject someone.

I don't know how to turn a microphone on. Those sorts of promises are my CV. All right, well, yeah, Caitlin's last day will be the 13th of December. But we will be very sad to see you go. But we'll save all this for the last show. Even, like, it doesn't matter whether you can pick up the, well, I mean, it does matter for your job whether you can pick up the knowledge, but you'll just light up any room that you walk into. So I know you're going to be great.

So nice, thank you. That's not cute. Are you, it's your turn to do a compliment. You're such a dick. I was trying to give a nice compliment during it. She's like stabbing some old woman in the arm, trying to find a vein. And the woman's like, oh. And Caitlin's like, I put light into the room.

Man, I hope I get you. Megan said, I make people smile. She's like, please stop. Caitlin's like, I will find the vein. Smile. I hope I get you one day and I'm just going to like, I'm getting. Ready to patch Adams over here. I'm not going to change your catheter.

Like you're just, I'm not going to wipe your bum. No, that's not happening. I'll kill myself and make it look like you did. If you are in charge of me when I'm an old man or just in the 50s because I haven't been taking care of myself and have some sort of debilitating injury slash stroke, I'm going to make it look like you did it. Okay, you're taking it away from me.

I'm going to get a tattoo on my chest. The nurse did it. And then your face. What is wrong with you today? But I'm going to make it look like I did it from my point of view, like I got a tattoo. Oh, my God. Okay.

If you missed the announcement moments ago, producer Caitlin is leaving us at the end of the year. She is going on to do wonderful work. She's going to go to nursing, which, I mean, she wants to help people, which is amazing. We just can't understand. We can't compute.

It's admirable. I always think nurses just do the best job and they deserve every pay rise they want. Absolutely. And this is something you're going to go and study next year. You have to do two years. Two years of hardcore study. I've got to be a poor student again.

Do you know that I've worked for nearly 10 years and I haven't saved a single cent? That's bad, eh? That's really bad. But you've done cool stuff, like you've gone on holidays. I've done really cool stuff. Yeah, yeah, true. Remember that time you went to Kenya? Yeah, even your holidays you go away and you help people.

Okay, Caitlin does great stuff. What about me? I'm here too. What have I done this week? You've absolutely had enough this morning. What have I done for other people this week? Nothing. I don't know, something on Instagram, you're telling something about a product.

That's helping people. Influencing them. Did I? Have I done that this week? Nah. I don't think I've been paid. Right, okay. Write an invoice.

But yeah, maybe this is a time where we'll reflect on what have we done for other people? You know? I said it as a joke, but now I'm thinking. Strangers or friends? Because I do stuff for my friends. You guys make people laugh every morning, okay? We get it, you're funny, and it helps people. It does.

It does. No, but this is me trying to get normal. She's right. She's right. This is me trying to get normal. She's right. No, no, no. Stop. They say laughter is the best medicine. She's right. No, no, no. Stop.

They say laughter is the best medicine. You see what you've done here. We're a pharmacy in here. It's not going to cure a stage four cancer though, is it, mate? Isn't it? You've done absolutely a typical radio person where you've like said, well, it was me, so you get the compliments. But it's not about you.

This is about Caitlin. Stop fishing for Lisa, mate. We don't need compliments. Producer Caitlin. I do. So your last day will be the 13th of December, which is also my last day. Oh, my gosh. Before I take a holiday. Shut up.

I'm going to miss you the most, Vaughan. I'm trying to lighten the mood. I don't want Caitlin crying. The mood's fine. The mood was fine. Okay, here's a question I want to ask this morning. Who's done a complete 360 on a career? 360, 180?

180. 360, I mean, you went... Come back around again. Keep going in the same direction. That's what you do with holidays. Yeah. Holiday, back to work. Yes.

But who's done a 180 with a career? Like, you're going from Radio Caitlin, where we literally, like, talk rubbish, to going to nursing, where you're actually going to help people. Yeah. Like, that's... I had no idea.

Like, my mum's a nurse, and she's been a nurse her whole life. And when I was growing up, she was like, what do you think you might want to do? And I was like, oh, never what you do. Like, I was always the, like, entertainer at family Christmases, doing the dance.

Tone it down. Tone it down, mate. Hey, guys, it's me, Caitlin, the entertainer at family Christmases doing the dance. Tone it down. Hey guys, it's me, Caitlin, the entertainer. Shimmy-shah, shimmy-shimmy-shee. That's literally what I did. Look at me, everybody. I'm dancing. I'm singing. But you know, things happen. Life changes.

You get older and then sometimes you're like, actually, maybe I need to explore that side of me, and is that my, like, calling? Is that something that I should be looking into? But now you can still cheer up little kids with the entertaining. Yeah. And look after them at the same time. Yeah.

Yeah. Hey, guys, it's me. That's Caitlin. Shiminy shay, shiminy shay. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, well, who's had a complete career change? What was your job before?

And maybe you had to restudy or you just, like, got into a new line of work. And how different was it? And maybe people were like, wow, I can't believe this. We can't comment because this is all we know. So please don't fire us. Because don't they say people change their careers

like five or six or seven times over their lifetime? Good Lord. Good Lord. I'm going to get cracking. Yeah. Go on. I just remember reading that somewhere, but maybe that's not a thing.

But jobs, are you thinking? Jobs. In the same career? Well, like changing career. No one's changing career five times in a year. In a life. Why do they keep saying year? Yeah, I kept saying year.

You know, in a year, in a year, in a year, in a year, in a year. I've Googled from careers advice online. The average person will change careers five to seven times during their working life, according to career change statistics. With an ever increasing number of different career choices on offer, approximately 30% of the total workforce will now change jobs every 12 months. 30%!

I've got literally no other... Skills! Neither! They're talking rubbish. I know, yeah. Unless there's a job that comes up at the airport that's like, bing bong!

Yeah. Vaughan Smith, you're late for your flight again. Why, are you going to do the talking bits? Well, I could. No, because they'll be like, get that nasally voice off there. Ouch. Vaughan Smith, get... No, last, that's nice.

You'll go on. You'll be like... Vaughan Smith, you're late for your flight. It's quarter past eight. No, we don't need you to stay in the time. No, I don't... At least you don't want to get stuck on a bloody tangent. And here's Ed Sheeran.

No, we don't play music over the PA. We do now. Ed Sheeran. And stay tuned to the airport PA. We've got a nerf to give away. We'll tell you where to find it. Oh, my God, that would be so much fun. Yeah, okay.

So 0800-DARLZM-9696. When have you had a complete career change? And what job did you switch to? Give us a call. Text in. So producer Caitlin has announced that her last day on air will be the 13th of December. She's leaving us for a career in nursing.

A complete career switch. Yeah. The rest of us are stuck career in nursing, a complete career switch. Yeah. The rest of us are stuck here because we've got no other skills. You can come study with me, Fletch. Don't know why you're laughing, aren't you? Yeah, you don't have skills or experience. Oh, hey. At least we can say we've got experience.

That's what you say when you've been in a dead-end job for 10 years. Valuable. Your boss is right there. Morning, Ross. He's the same, though. He's the same. Yeah, it was a devout threat, this dead-end job. I mean, I have some career opportunities.

So we want to know when you've done a complete 180 and changed careers. Milka, good morning. Milka or Mika? Malika, Milika. Nalisha. Don't worry, she's leaving soon. Caitlin, take your leave of absence early. With your spell.

Hi, Nalisha. She literally wrote Milka. Milisha, I'm sorry about that. What was your career change? What did you do before and now? Okay, so I did a butchery apprenticeship and I did my time. So I was a butcher for five years. Wow, okay.

Yeah, and then I just threw that in and became a roading engineer administrator for another couple of years. Right. I did a diploma in outdoor rec and leadership. Okay. And now I'm back butchering. Wow, okay. I saw it. Yeah, this is just me because I like meat and cooking and barbecuing and stuff.

I always thought butchery would be so fascinating. Really? It's in my family though, like Like, my grandfather, my dad, and my brother. Oh, I bet you've got a great set of knives. Oh, I do. I do. Girlfriend. And have you got some of them chainmail gloves?

Yeah. Yeah. I want chainmail gloves. Hey, Malisha, thanks for your call. Tina, what was your complete career change? Hi. Hi? Hi. Hi. Hi.

I did a BA at uni. Okay. And I studied English and theatre and secondary teaching. And I enacted full-time stage theatre, though, not TV. Okay. It wasn't pretty enough for that. Yeah. And then I decided to become a police officer. Wow. Okay. It wasn't pretty enough for that. Yeah. And then I decided to become a police officer.

Wow. Okay. Wow. And are your arrests quite dramatic? You're like, get down, criminal. They have been. Yes. Cool.

Well, what- I tell you, even though it was a complete 180 and my friends were like, whoa, what the heck? I do. Yeah. Even though it was a complete 180 and my friends were like, whoa, what the heck, I do credit my teaching and my acting to the way I police office because I can kind of adapt and change the way I speak and talk to people, so it kind of helps. Right. You can do accents and stuff.

Like if you're arresting an Irish person, do you put on an Irish accent? Stay perfectly still or I'll shoot you down, you scumbag. Don't you be moving one inch, you dirty little leprechaun, you goddamn Protestant. Welcome to Dublin, bitch.

Okay, we've got to feed some of the sick and half of that. I'm more or less 100% Irish. Warren, what was your complete career change? I went from outback Australia as a jackaroo

to a social work degree. A jackaroo? Is that like a farmer? It's a jack of all trades on a cattle station. So you had a hat? Did you have corks

on your hat? No, I don't need those. Wait, Warren, the corks on the hat, is that actually a thing or is that a tourist thing, like a tourist shop? I understand it's a tourist thing. Oh, yeah.

Because you can't stop flies. No, no. Famously unstoppable. I thought there was more to that. No, you can't. You're not wrong, Warren. Full stop. If only someone would invent a spray.

That could somehow stop them. Yeah. We live and we dream. Do any of those skills transfer over to social working or none at all? Interrelation always works. And funny enough, animal therapy is an interesting way to work with people. Right. So working with stock horses and, you know,

be able to keep them calm and everything like that, the same techniques are used to work with people, as in you've got to be calm and it's, you know, it's all about, you know, Vaughan, you'll know about it, playing with animals, you know, keeping calm, you're calm, they're calm, they get angry, they pick you. And then if they behave, you give them a sugar cube that goes to both animals and humans. You ever had to lasso a runaway teenager?

No, no, no, but I just yell and they stop. Okay, right. A whistle. A nice whistle. Warren, thanks, you called some text messages. The complete 180 change of career. I went banking to early childhood, back to banking, to running events, and now I run an orchestra, reads one text message.

Wow. Started in photographic research and development. Then I became a chef. And then I went into managing hotels and bars. Yeah. Now I'm a contracts manager in subdivision development and being involved in both earthquakes and repairs, preparing for earthquakes and repairs for them.

When I said before, and you scoffed, and you couldn't believe that people change their careers five to seven times in a lifetime, that's what we're hearing. But it's, yeah. But I grew up, my dad was a farmer the day I was born, and he still is. Yeah.

And my brother's a pharmacist, and that's all he's ever done. Yeah. I don't know where... You're a loser. We're going to seed here. I'm not a loser. I'm not a loser. I'm not a loser, mum.

I'm trying my best. Sure am. 826, Fact of the Day is next. Lewis Capaldi. From a loser. Send him. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's.

Shimon. No, we don't Shimon anymore. No, we don't Shimon No We don't Shimon anymore No we don't Shimon You can say Sharon Sharon Ariel Sharon Ex-leader of Israel I think it was Israel

It was some part of that troubled aspect of the world Carry on Today's fact of the day is that Alligators like marshmallows I love marshmallowsigators like marshmallows. I love marshmallows. Hey, cows love marshmallows. I have recently learnt that someone said,

have you tried feeding your cows Humphrey and Harriet, who I have, no, no, that's the new name. Hermione. Hermione. It's because the children have been petitioning me

to change it to Harriet. Why? What's wrong with Hermione? I don't know. Somebody said to them, oh, that's a long story. Okay, we don't have time for that

because you've already whirred on enough today. We've got time. But, that's right. Humphrey and Hermione, someone said, have you tried

feeding them marshmallows because cows love marshmallows? I was like, that's madness. Like feeding a chicken an egg, isn't it? They love eggs too. Chickens eat eggs.

Do they? Yeah, they do. Weirdly. Don't tell them they lay love eggs too. Chickens eat eggs. Do they? Yeah, they do. Weirdly. Don't tell them they lay one every day. I think they know. That's gross. Okay. Squeeze it out and look at it and be like, never again.

And then the next morning they're like, oh no, it's happening. But they'll eat their eggs. Okay. Yeah, cows love marshmallows. The marshmallows I had at the weekend, I looked for the code words for melted hoof and it didn't have the code word in it. Are they making them without melted hoofs now? Maybe they've come across an alternative chemical

that in 20 years we'll look back and be like, I can't believe we were eating that. That sort of situation. I've got some feedback about it because you've got marshmallows at your cafe but you need the little chocolate fish. Oh, Christ. You know the little mini chocolate fish that you get with a mocha sometimes? Yeah, I don't, Oh, Christ. You know the little mini chocolate fish

that you get with a mocha sometimes? Yeah, I don't, yeah, okay. What's the price? What's your price difference there? Because I'd imagine the chocolate fish would be more expensive. One's more expensive than the other. Oh, yeah, yeah, but what are we talking about?

I'm sorry if I'm a member of the, if the public really wants something and you don't, you're like. Yeah, but are you paying the extra for the marshmallow? I don't mind. I don't mind. Just absorb the cost.

Because the marshmallows are free and therefore the chocolate fish would be free, but you want us to pay for the extra charge. Absolutely. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Who's absorbing the cost? Me. Yeah, you. Well, how much is one chocolate fish when you're buying it in bulk?

I don't know. Enough. I've got to Gilmore's and find out. It's worth my happiness. I'm joking up. No, he's dead now, so don't worry about it. Go back to just marshmallows. He died.

Buy yourself a little chocolate fish packet and leave it at the cafe, and then every time you come and get a coffee, I'll put a chocolate fish on it for you. What about your other coffee? I'm telling you, this is what people want. But then charge them a storage tax, and it's a chocolate fish a day. Okay. And then just use all this chocolate fish, and then he's paid for it.

Yeah. You've lost nothing. Correct. So it turns out that alligators like chocolate, probably eat chocolate fish. They like marshmallows as well. Now the reason is that

it reminds them of eggs. Oh, okay. An alligator expert looked into it and said they think they're eggs and they've actually asked people to stop feeding them marshmallows. Oh, so they don't actually know until they're eating it that it's not like they're like yummy. They just think it's an egg and they're eggs. And they've actually asked people to stop feeding them marshmallows. Oh, so they don't actually know until they're eating it. It's not like they're like yummy.

They just think it's an egg. And they'll eat them. But also alligators aren't fussy eaters. Autopsies on alligators have turned up things like cans and spark plugs. Yes. Anything they kind of find. Right. Which you might be like stupid like you just did.

But we're throwing them into their lakes. And they've been around since dinosaurs. Not the same alligators. They lay new alligators. They have eggs. And new alligators. That are like marshmallows. Yeah, that are exactly like marshmallows. So today's fact of the day is alligators like marshmallows.

Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. So something that everyone's done apart from Fletch, he reckons he's never done it, and especially over summer, if you go for a swim and you get water in your ear, or even if you're in a bath

and you're like, you go down and then you can hear like, everything's like, muffled. And you come back up and you're like, ah, my ears.

And there's water in your ear. Yeah. Get out of the bath or the water and you're trying to get the water out of your ear. What do you do? Vorda's demonstrating.

Open your mouth. Do the sideways. Into the yawn. But you know when you need to pop your ears? Yeah. Open your... You go... And then you go...

And shake your head. And occasionally you'll just pop a little bit of air out your nose. Yeah. The worst thing is though, if it's on both sides, you've got to shake one ear first and you feel like you're shaking it in. And it's working the other one nose. Yeah. The worst thing is though, if it's in both sides, you've got to shake one ear first and you feel like you're shaking it in.

And it's working the other one in. Yeah. See, I just like hold my nose and then blow, see if that works. Or I'll just like suction my ear and go... With your finger.

With my finger. Alternatively, I'll grab the Dyson and get that straight on the ear. Crank it up. Yep. Suck that water right out. It turns out it's actually not very good for you.

This is for children. So when you're an adult, your ear canal is bigger and it's not as bad, but it can cause damage, brain damage to children. Goodness me, that explains a lot, doesn't it? How old to? To what age? It doesn't actually say, because you've got smaller ear canals when you're younger and then they grow, obviously, when you get older.

But it's the small air canals that can be damaged and can cause damage to the brain. So don't shake your head. The amount of acceleration that you use when you do it. How intensely are these people shaking their heads? No, but you imagine, like, you going, the acceleration and the force you do it, they tested it with like shoving a glass tube down on a spring.

What? I don't know how they'd figure out this would be the best test to use. Right. Glass tubes on 3D printed air canals and then they chucked it down on a spring. Well, you don't put a spring in your ear. I know that much. Oh, yeah. I put a cotton bud in my ear.. Well, you don't put a spring in your ear. I know that much.

I put a cotton bud in my ear. Earlier today, I had this end of the spoon in my ear. That's so disgusting. It was a very itchy ear canal. Oh, right. Very itchy ear canal. Yeah. Yuck. Right.

So just like double think that when you're showing your kids how to get water early in the summer. Yes, a finger, a bit of suction. The Dyson. Does this give a better way of doing it You can't say Don't do this Without giving us

An alternative No A better alternative Well thanks internet Don't do it Thanks science ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan The podcast

Well it's your hometown Vaughan It's their turn Yep Morrinsville Okay well I was thinking More Hamilton They could come

I was rounding you I was rounding you up You ran us in To the big smoke Right of Hamilton Yeah we are Coming to play Cha-ching-go-bingo

In Hamilton Our last one for the year as well So this is going to happen On Wednesday The 4th of December Right So that's a week tomorrow Come along and win One million dollars to help with your Christmas shopping.

Well, we certainly do have cash and prizes for them, but it will not be $1 million. Ah. Not $1 million. Definitely not $1 million. I'm glad someone's mistyped my piece of paper with the information on it. I think it's $1,000 there. Well, we've got up to $1,000 to give away.

Right. And different prizes as well. Join us on the night. Yeah. Fun night out. You'll get some Hamilton tidbits from this guy, I'm sure. Is that a draw card? Why was that set in such a dull tone?

Why was that delivered with... Sorry. You'll get some Hamilton tidbits, some local knowledge. I don't know if they need that. Where are we doing that? I know. I wasn't sure if that was a draw card or not. Well, no, you mouth local knowledge. I don't know if they need that. Where are we doing this? I know, I wasn't sure if that was a draw card or not. Well, I didn't know your mouth and I couldn't hear what you said. Where are we doing this?

They haven't organised that yet. Oh, fuck. We haven't found it anywhere yet. Do I need to do this? The White Bar Delta sells again. We're doing it on the White Bar Delta. Are you bringing down the White Bar Delta? You're bringing it back.

We're bringing it back from that paddock. Yeah. And bringing it back. Putting it back in the river. It might sink, but that's part of the excitement of the night. But get in now and register so that we can flake you the details of what everything is sorted out. We'll find somewhere. You just register.

You were very loose with what the prizes were as well, because I said a million as a joke and then you said a thousand and then you said up to a thousand, which could be like two dollars. Well, you're being very facetious right now. No, I'm not being facetious. I want details. Register if you're in Hamilton

and you would like to play Chichingo Bingo next Wednesday. Register in Hamilton if you'd like to organise it for us. You're such a bitch today. What's wrong with you? I love it. Okay.

All right. Zedding's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's free and Clinton listen too? Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. Head music lives here. ZM.