ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 28 2018

Episode Date: November 27, 2018

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Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan just caught us before the news. Intern Anya has floated the idea of becoming an Uber driver. I think it's a flawless plan. I don't hear anything good about it.

Money. Not much. Friendship. Companionship. Okay, you got me there. For a moment. Yeah, fleeting friendships. Are your afternoons that boring?

Like, why don't you get a hobby? What about traffic? You're stuck in traffic all the time. No, but that's good because you earn more. You got them. Afternoons would probably be the best time to do it. Can you imagine weekend nights? I don't want to stay up late for it.

No, I'd be like an evening Uber. I'll take you to tapas. That would be my specialty. And then you'd say, I hope I get you on the way back and then you can get them to tell you how good the tapas were. Yeah, perhaps like bring me back a couple extra corn chips. Oh, but that would be heartbreaking. You say you never see them again.

Yeah, you're like, oh, I'll surf them around and they'll pick you up. And you can tell me about the tapas. But then they don't. They get somebody else. You never see them again. Then you'll like have a good life. I just Googled because I said you've got a bit of a shitty old car. The one that you told me to get, I will add.

It's not shitty. It's like a later version of my car. I'm thinking of your old one, maybe. What year is it? Because I've found what year car you need. 2010. Oh, girl, that's so... You've got a car than mine.

Yeah, it says you... This is 98. No, I won't have it. Switch cars. No, it says you've got to have four doors, be able to transport four passengers. I mean, slim passengers, yeah. It would be snug in the back, wouldn't it?

Yeah. And it's got to be 2,000 or newer. Oh, that's easy. That's my car out on so many fronts. Doesn't have four doors. It's not a 2,000 or later. You could get a small person in the boot, though, of your MX. You could.

Yeah. Yeah. But then you end up with the police launching a crime scene when you put people in the boot, of your MX. You could. Yeah. But then you end up with the police launching a crime scene when you put people in the boat as per those Brisbane YouTube pranksters.

They're too old to be doing YouTube pranks. Like 27 and 35. Oh, are they? Grow up, dickhead. Come on. I always look forward to hitting the age

where I can say grow up, dickhead. You're there. People are still saying it to me but it doesn't mean I can say, grow up, dickhead. You're there. Yeah. All right. People are still saying it to me, but it doesn't mean I can't keep saying it to them. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. All right, three news headlines for three interesting, unusual, quirky other adjectives for story time. Headline one, $220,000 boy. Ooh. Headline two, car chase suspect does the job for police. And headline three, Canadians are just too gosh darn nice.

Is Canadians too gosh darn nice? I believe I read a story about a Canadian shoplifting program where they don't actually charge them, they just help them out. Yes. Because they're just too nice. That's good though. Like if you can find out the reason people are shoplifting, if it's food to feed family, then, you know, that's quite sad.

Or like when we shoplifted, hey Megan, as teenagers. Well, that was just a selfish personal game. That was to feed my hair clip addiction. Same. For my cute hairstyles. But sometimes you just need, you know, you just need a bit of a slap on the knuckle.

Yeah, I only did it once. I did it once, I got caught, and it scared the shit out of me. Right, and that was you. The life of crime behind you. You've been a law-abiding citizen ever since. Yeah. Apart from sometimes speeding. What else? Tax was you. The life of crime behind you. You've been a law-abiding citizen ever since. Yeah. Apart from sometimes speeding. What else? Tax evasion. A bit of tax evasion. No, don't say it. No, I'm not tax evading.

Like flying to moderate tax evasion. Death as a servant. You steal a bit of stuff from work. So maybe actually, maybe you haven't. What? Okay. Blasphemy. That's illegal. Often isn't enforced That is illegal

God damn it Ooh that felt good A little 10 past 6 Law breaking Yeah Okay Such a regal

So which one If you've got Headline 3 Do you want one or two $220,000 boy Or car chain suspect Does a job for police Boy

Like B-O-Y Or Bowie B-O-Y or Bowie? B-O-Y. Okay. Yeah, I want that one. Do you want that one? Yes, please.

Okay. This is actually a follow-up. I don't know if you're going to remember this. Remember? You're going to remember. I don't know if you'll remember, but a while ago we talked about a gender reveal party that happened in Arizona. Yes.

And it started a huge fire at a sawmill. Now, they had a big, I guess, kind of box set up and it had boy, girl and had a target. And the idea was that they shot the target and inside was explosive and it was coloured either blue or pink. Yes. Now, that has currently gone to court, the follow-up. So, I don't know if you remember, it was a boy. Okay, yeah. So, they revealed it was a boy in court because they've actually, as a follow-up to the story,

seen the video of the fire happening. Oh, the start of it all. And the explosion and how quickly it happens. My immediate thought on that is that you've got explosives surrounded by tinder-dry, thigh-high grass. Yeah, not smart, eh? Not smart. No.

So I'm going to plug my laptop in. Okay. And we're going to, I'm just going to have to try and sync this up. And we'll have a listen to how fast the fire happens for this gender reveal party. Okay? Holy shit. Oh. And it's all gone.

We're away and we're racing. And those are multiple metre high flames. Yeah, and they're not putting that out. There's no way in hell you're going to, even just a drink bottle on that. Start packing up. Start packing up. Totally, that's like beyond garden hose.

That's insane. It just burst into flames straight away. How quick that happened. So it costs quite a bit of money to fight the fire. He, the dad, is having to pay $220,000. And that's getting off quite light because it did cost quite a lot more than that. Yeah. Oh my God.

And given the wildfires that have just like devastated California again. Yeah. You know? Idiots. High profile case of what can go wrong when people aren't thinking about that sort of thing. 800 firefighters and 8.2 million to extinguish. Because yeah, from the video you showed us,

it was right in the middle of a field of really tall dry grass. So it would have just spread in every direction to the forest that was waiting at the edge of the field. It's worth a YouTube. It's worth a Google for that news story. Big explosion. Good Lord.

What are they going to name the kid? Someone get explosive. Blaze. Blaze. I mean, chances are people who shoot a target to reveal

the gender of the baby would probably name their child Blaze regardless of whether or not it caused the $220,000 fire. I'd say so. FBM, the podcast. The Capital City

has a new hero and they've needed one for a while since the passing R.I.P. of Blanket Man. Oh, R.I.P. It's been going back a while. When did Blanket Man pass? Four years ago? No. No.

Six. No. Seven. Seven? Well, you guys are just auctioning now. You're just going on and on until somebody gets it right. Well, he's got his own Wikipedia page. Do you?

No. I don't. 2012. 2012. So six years ago. You're kidding me. Yeah. That's crazy, isn't it? Almost six years ago. You're kidding me. Yeah. That's crazy.

Almost seven years ago. So you're telling me there are 24-year-olds who went out on Wellington for a night on the booze who would not know Blanket Man. Yeah. That's a shame. I mean, that's a lost generation. That's a Wellington institution. That is a lost generation.

I mean, they may have seen him out during daylight hours. He was always around. But anyway, Wellington is a lost year. I mean, they may have seen him out during daylight hours. He was always around. But anyway, Wellington is a new hero now. Still awaiting a name, but I'm going for, it's a simple one, but the box cyclist could be a start. Okay. Boxy. There's just a couple of working titles at the moment.

Yeah. But a man in this weird November weather the country's been experiencing where one minute it's like, oh, okay, here we go. Summer's here. Next minute, I'm drenched and a little bit cold, but now I'm super muggy

in the next second. Took it upon himself to provide, well, he's a cyclist. He obviously cycled in to work when the weather was okay, but coming to cycle home, the weather returned. Got a box of what looks to be a TV,

but a girthy TV, a deep TV, not like a super thin TV, and flipped it upside down, cut some holes in it, and cycled using the box to protect himself or herself. It would be hard to cycle with a box over you. Because it goes down over the legs and pedals. The box at the back kind of sits. It's got one of those things that people

had that did a paper round. A carrier on the back. A carrier on the back. So it kind of sits on that. And at the front maybe it sits on the guard or the forks to stop it from resting on the wheel. The flaps on the side go down a little bit further. I would love to see this person getting onto the bike.

Because it looks like they put the box on, then they get on the bike, then they adjust the box on the bike. How are they seeing? I know he's got a hole cut in the front, but... They can't see behind from what I can see. There's absolutely no way of seeing behind. There are holes at about head height on the sides. Right.

For a little peripheral vision, but very obstructed by a large bowl. So their knees go up into the box? Yeah, inside the box. It's weird, though, because that photo is in poor and torrential rain. Yes. That's boring.

That is going to get soggy within 200 metres, that box. It's not going to last. Oh, I don't know. Those heavy-duty boxes, like heavy-duty cardboard can take a bit of rain. A lot of layers. I'm not saying you're going to get multiple days' use out of it, but look, I've got a little video here.

You can see them just toodling along. They're making quite good timing. So good. Yeah, but obviously very confident on a bike. This isn't a bike rookie's outing. Is that an electric bike as well, maybe? Oh, maybe. I can see pedalling, but that's an electric bike.

Because, yeah, there's a slight incline there, but that's minimal pedalling for getting up there at that speed. So, okay. We're tracking them down. We've got some clues. It would be scary enough riding in a city centre on a bike. Oh, it is. Let alone with a box on your body.

Something very scary, even as a pedestrian, trying to cross the road about Wellington CBD. Yeah. You've got to have your wits about you. Yeah. It's good recycling, though. Great reuse, reduce. Cycling. Reuse. Oh, reuse. I knew you've got to have your wits about you. Yeah. It's good recycling, though. Great reuse, reduce. Cycling.

Oh, recycling. I knew you didn't get that, did you? No, you didn't emphasise the cycling. You said great recycling. You should have said great recycling. Great recycling. Oh, yeah. I messed it up.

It's the key to puns. You've really got to have what you're punning on. It's good recycling. No, you went too hard on re. Oh, it's good recycling. No, no, no, no, no. Recycling. No, you went too hard on re. Oh, it's good recycling. No, no, no, no. Recycling. It's good recycling.

Still something. He's not nailing that. No, okay. It's good recycling. It's good recycling. Yes. Maybe slow right down on the Y in between the two C's there for cycling. Recycling. No, you made that too obvious. Well, now we've killed Write down on the Y in between the two Cs there for cycling. Recycling.

You made that too obvious. Well, now we've killed that. Literally, we've killed it. That's dumb. So this went around yesterday. It's the dark side of Instagram. There's down the bad side. I know what you're talking about.

I know the picture you're talking about. The downhill slide of humanity. It's like the dark side of Instagram. I'm like, there's darker things going on on Instagram. I know. Let's not spend all our extreme freak out currency of the dark side of the internet by showing a picture of people lining up. Like, that's not dark. So there is the most Instagrammed hike in New Zealand, Roy's Peak.

So basically it's a peak of a hill that looks out over, like is it the Wanaka Lakes or the Queenstown Lakes? You've probably seen people standing at the end of the little hill with their arms up maybe looking out over a beautiful, picturesque scene. Beautiful spot in Wanaka. It's lovely. So there was an image that was posted online

and it showed the picturesque picture that you might see and then split with a huge queue to get to the spot. So everyone has to wait and line up and then walk out and get their picture taken. Yeah. Because you want to look like you're the only person at the top of this page. Yeah, like you own it. I walked this whole way.

It's so remote. There's no one else here. And yeah, people are calling this the top of this page. Yeah, like you own it. I walked this whole way. It's so remote. There's no one else here. And yeah, people are calling this the sad truth about Instagram. But this happens at lots of places around the world. I've seen it. It's quite confronting when it first happens to you. Have you ever experienced

this? A line? Because you went to Bali. Bali Swing. It's kind of like, oh, I'm lining up for a photo. This is sad. Yeah, it's that. Bali swing. It's kind of like, oh, I'm lining up for a photo. This is sad. Like, it's actually quite. Oh, you line up for lots of things in life. Yeah, what's the difference?

There's lots of tourist things that you line up for. It's just weird. You line up to go to, I don't know, Anne Frank House. You line up to go to lots of things. Line up to go up to Sky Tower. Line up to jump off it. Yeah, true. I guess it's no different.

But yeah. There was something sad about it. Because, true. I guess it's no different. But yeah. There was something sad about it when it, because yeah, in Bali, the Ghillie T swing. Yeah, the Bali swing

that you see everyone. It's so famous and ever since, like everyone's putting up swings everywhere. you see the picture and in your mind, you're like,

that looks beautiful and serene and remote and there's no one else there. Exactly, but there's a line on the beach of 20 people and there's like

three different swings and you just like. It's all about taking a photo on the beach of 20 people. And there's like three different swings. But it's all about taking a photo. It's like when you go to, my brother-in-law went to the Taj Mahal. And he was like, it was yuck. Like everybody remembers that photo of Princess Diana sitting at the Taj Mahal. Or like people go and they get a photo at the Taj Mahal. He's like, you walk out the front, it's just like in the middle of this big dump. Garbage heap.

It's all about framing of the photo. Let's not pretend this is a new thing. Yeah, and we've been disappointed by things lots. You see photos and you're like, this is going to be amazing. And then you go and see the Mona Lisa, never seen it, but everyone says it's tiny. Tiny. It's like A4, right?

Unbelievable. It's not really any different. You go somewhere and then you realise the truth of it and you're like, oh, okay. I'll get the photo, wait in line probably an hour to get my photo at Roy's Peak. I Googled Roy's Peak and it's got Google reviews. Oh, yeah.

Currently 93 reviews. Okay. It's four and a half stars. I was like, well, who's giving this low? So I went, organised by lowest rating. There's a couple of one stars. Marty and the gang. Yeah.

They're a Google user. They just wrote one star. Nothing to write. Just one star. You can't do that. If you're going to write one stars. Marty and the gang. Yeah. They're a Google user. They just wrote one star. Nothing right. Just one star. You can't do that. If you're going to write one star, you've got to say why. Alan's written.

Now listen to this. I think what Alan's review doesn't really reflect one star. Alan writes, it was a wonderful walk to the summit on a calm day, but sometimes in a northwest wind when the weather is very hot,

the updrafts can be quite severe and I've seen people nearly get blown off the track. That's not one star. No. No, that's five stars with a little side note. Also, this isn't a cafe. Like, this mountain did nothing wrong.

It can't improve its service. The mountain for an updraft on a hot day when the wind's coming from the northwest. It hasn't made a bad moccaccino. That's nature, Alan. Stop being a bitch. To be honest, that's like a sadder side of hasn't made a bad moccaccino. That's nature, Ellen. Stop being a bitch. To be honest, that's like a sadder side of humanity than the actual one. 100%. Somebody else wrote, the views at the top are stunning, but the walk up's pretty boring.

Static view of the same lake and landscape. By the time I got to the top, I was sick of it. Do they expect you to change? That's on you. Yeah. Like, switch it up when I get to the top, please. I'm sick of this. Yeah.

If you have copious amounts of time, by all means, do it. Oh, my God. God, yeah. All right. One star. Go, you miserable prick, Peter. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there.

Welcome to today's Top Six. The Prime Ministerial Residence in Wellington has had some renos and the budget's $3 million. $3 million? $3 million. $3 million. It's blown right out. They might have had to put a playground in.

Oh. Because they might have got rid of it after Max got too old. Right. Would Max have ever been young enough for a... Are you ever too young for a playground? No, because Max just would have had one of those, like, there's a swing, there's a slide, and then there's a swing in the middle,

then there's the other thing on the end, the two-person swing. We always called it lullaby growing up, but I'm sure there's a better name for it than that. Right, okay. You know the classic Kiwi triangle, triangle thing across the middle, and then when you really get going, it would start flomping up off the ground. Your weight goes one side and it's like, boom, boom.

Your mum's like, careful. And then your brother falls off and he's like, ah. And you're like, I can't stop. And then he stands up and is like, boof. And it catches him in the side of the face. And then he's crying and mum's screaming. And dad's like, if I have to come out there, you're all going to get a bloody kick out the ass.

Oh, I've really dredged up some children memories here. That's why my dad was never Prime Minister, nor my mum. So $3 million is what it's going to cost. $1 million

in documents obtained under the Official Information Act show that there's going to be new security provisions. Sorry, originally it was said it was going to be $1 million. Now it's $3 million and the biggest increase apparently is new security provisions. Sorry, originally it was said it was going to be $1 million. Now it's $3 million. And the biggest increase apparently is the security provisions.

So the top six security upgrades to the Prime Minister's Wellington residence. Number six, a moat and a drawbridge. Yes, please. But the good news is they threw in cauldrons of hot oil for free. Okay. When you buy a bridge, it was a Black Friday special. Yeah, nice.

You got cauldrons of oil. So you know about them? What for? To tip on them. So you go up high and you light the cauldron with hot oil and then when the invaders are trying to break down the door, you just tipped over the cauldron and like burnt them alive. Good Lord.

Yeah. They need to do that in Game of Thrones. They do. Oh, do they? Sometimes those Greenpeace activists. No, it was hot gold. It was melted gold. The gold they poured on that guy's head in season one.

I'm sure they've done the old hot oil. Didn't they? Yeah, I'm pretty sure they have. There's been a storming. There's definitely been in Vikings. There's definitely been a hot oiling. Number five on the list of the top six security upgrades to the Wellington residence of the Prime Minister is the

Fiddlest Charm. I'm not sure I'm saying that right. You'll remember this from Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix when they needed to hide that house. The Fiddlest Charm, a dwelling whose location has been protected by the spellers, then invisible, intangible, unplottable, and soundproof. Well, they're never going to be able to protest or invade the property if it's invisible. Fiddliest, didliest.

Boom. And then it will just be unplottable. They won't even know where the other buildings are. I remember in the movie, shut closer and it disappeared in the middle there. Right. And only the Weasleys knew how to get in. Number four on the list of the top six security upgrades to the Prime Minister's Wellington residence, a guard tiger.

Why stop at a dog? A guard tiger. They're not cheap to feed because you can't feed them dry dog food or dry cat food It's got to be meat every time It's got to be pretty fresh meat Could you do mince packs? Could you do a dog roll? I mean you could do a dog roll

You don't want your tiger getting fat though Yeah sure One thing I've learnt is apparently quite cheap to buy I googled how much it cost to buy a tiger Baby tiger cub you could get on the black market For around 3200 US dollars. That's sad. People pay more money for a bloody French bulldog.

They actually do. I'd rather have a tiger. Same. That's actually sad. But then what if it got into a fight and had an abscess or something? You know, your cats get in fights with your neighbour. You've got to take it to the vet. Imagine getting the tiger in the tiger cage.

Pushing it in. Get in there, you've got to take it to the vet. Imagine getting the tiger in the tiger cage. Pushing it in. Get in there, you bugger. Number three on the list of the top six security upgrades to the Prime Minister's Wellington residence are a corridor of invisible laser beams that you can only see when you blow smoke through them. Yeah. And then you have to do a sexy dart.

Yes. But if you interrupt the laser beam with your butt, the alarm goes off and the floor drops out and you fall into a pit of spikes. Oh, yeah. Okay, good. You wouldn't want to come home drunk and forget that you put on the invisible lasers.

Clark comes home from a bender and he's like... Sneaking through the lasers. Oh, shit. That's the end of that one. Number two on the list of the top six security upgrades for the Prime Minister's Wellington residence, a catapult front doorstep. So you look through, bing bong,

you look through the little eye hole, you're like, who is it? It's bloody Winston. Hit the catapult button. Boing! And it just flings them way back over the street. Brilliant. Yeah, maybe into like a soft crash pad or something.

But then, oh yeah, how would you work out where to put the crash pad? Because like Winston would fly further than Jerry Brownlee. If Jerry Brownlee came and you were like catapulted, it'd just be like. Not a bit of a fat joke here. Number six, and number one on today's top six security outgoings to the Wellington Prime Minister's residence

is a classic Kiwi electric fence unit set up. Oh, that's easy. Just run that round. Yeah, bloody shoo-wee-ro, mate. Put some standards in the lawn and just run a tight perimeter of a little Gallagher's portable electric fence unit. It was invented here in New Zealand, by the way, the portable electric fence unit. Love it. Get that round there.

Very Kiwi. Sometimes you're like, oh, it won't be too bad. And then you touch it. Cracker. It really gets you. That is today's top six. The Auckland, this is good for the whole country because Aucklanders can whinge about it if they're anti it. They can be for it, but the rest of the country can laugh.

Okay. As they continue to drive their cars in the centre of their cities. But the Auckland Council has voted to go car free in central Auckland. So I was all like, oh yeah, that sounds great because driving down Queen Street is an absolute nightmare. No one does it anyway.

Horrible. It's horrible. I was in an Uber and he turned to go down there. I was like, no, what are you doing, buddy? Oh, God. And you just sit at every single traffic light for a, yeah. Cause it's made for pedestrians. 100%.

Yeah. It's all the traffic lights and everything are phased to be in pedestrians favor. And I get that because it's, you know, I totally get it. And people avoid it. It is quicker,

like jump, instead of jumping on the like link bus at the bottom of Queen Street, it's quicker to walk. If you're walking up Queen Street. Or Lime. Or Lime, exactly. Lime's now your,

your better option. Well, are they going to be doing vehicle-free zones? And I was all for it. I was like, Queen Street, that's good because, you know, whatever. Then I saw that the street I have to drive down to park here at work may be affected. And, well, now I don't know how to feel. What do you think?

This one out here that goes to Victoria Park outside Leslie Mills. Yes, yes, yes. It starts on Queen Street, goes up past Sky City, TVNZ, our building, Leslie Ann Mills, right down to Victoria Park. We don't need to whinge

because that affects Mike Hosking. Oh! Does he know about this? Does he know? He'll do all the whinging for all of us. Yeah, okay. Yeah, I feel like the topic's going to be worse than that.

But surely they're going to let, like, if you've got a car park building, they'll let you come in, right? This building we're in is pretty new, and somebody paid an absolute fortune to have a couple of hundred car parks underneath it. So I'm imagining they're not all of a sudden just going to be like, you can't park there. Also, you come in to work at 5.30, Megan 5, the rest of us 5,

it'll be fine. No one will be out there that time of the morning. But then how do you leave? There's people even at that time of the morning that are going to Lees Mills that don't even look before they cross the road.

Right. Yeah, there's a huge Lees Mills there too. Where are they all going to park? In the Lees Mills car park. Over the other side of the road. That massive, like the biggest car park you've ever seen in your life. You know that one we have to walk through that we're always like, man, that is a Mills car park The other side of the road Won't be affected That massive Like the biggest car park You've ever seen in your life

You know that one Where we have to walk through That we're always like Man that is a massive car park Yeah okay I'll probably still Just park there I'm just trying to gather

Oh and TVNZ is on the same road I'm just trying to gather Everyone that can like Come on board with us To complain I'm not I'm not complaining Because I don't have a car

But like Are they going to pave it off Like how are they actually Going to stop cars From going on there? Oh god If they put cobbles on there I'll never drive on it

I hate driving on cobblestones Why? Try walking in heels on them It's a nightmare Oh That's right It's not pedestrian friendly If it's in cobbles

Because I always Trip on cobbles as well But I'm like Because they're eventually Going to put trams up Queen Street aren't they? That's the idea Right

And I love that in Melbourne, those big malls where it's lots of pedestrians and trams. I hope some people get hit by them. But they're great open spaces. I'm totally for that

on Queen Street. Yeah. But like, you're affecting all the neighbouring ones. If we're also getting rid of things on Queen Street, can we look into like

the nutty religios that are always like, hey, how are you? You're like, no thanks. And they're like, in a hurry are we? Too much of a hurry for God? And you're like, yes. Well, God can follow me. Yeah, if God's everywhere, I'm pretty sure I'm walking through him right now. He can tell me while I'm walking

somewhere. Yeah, right. Well, maybe all the dust of the cobblestones will put them off for a while so you'll be alright for a year or so. But then it'll put me off too. Yeah, true. But anyway, they voted on it to give it a go. It's just a trial at this stage. And trials will start next year.

Yeah. No. I'm not having that. Megan's going to be one of those people that has to pack a pair of sketches to walk up the road. I know! It's moving day for the Smiths on Friday and we're selling our house and buying another house so there's lots of paperwork involved

and that's meant a couple of trips to see our lawyer Colin who's a great dude. Colin. We hear a lot about Colin. Yeah. I really like him. He's just a good dude. He's always got some solid life advice

and he calls me bro whenever I leave. I like that. Anyway, bro. Yeah, all right. Couple of white dudes calling each other bro. This is good stuff. But one thing where he's flicking through all the paperwork, he made a noise that I've heard other people make

and I didn't like it. But I remember my nana used to do it and I really liked it when nana did it. And maybe that's why. You know, you need to get a piece of paper and do it for reals. Can I have all your paper? Yeah. All my paper. My two pieces.

Your three bits of paper. I've never ever been good at this, by the way. Okay. I've never been able to do it, like when reading a book and stuff. Yeah. But it's that noise you make when you lick your fingers to change your to flick over a bit of paper. Okay. Yeah. No, see, see, that sounded slippery and slimy.

Yeah, yeah. Does he have like a little... But he's practised because have you ever been into a lawyer's office? Because they always take you to like a room where you have a meeting

and it's like... But a lawyer's office is just paper everywhere. It's insane. They must go through a lot of paper. Insane amounts of paper. We were talking about that.

I'm just judging that I'm making a murderer every time they file at the Manitowoc County. Piles and piles of paper. Someone has to read that. I'm just judging that I'm making a murderer every time they file at the Manitowoc County. Piles and piles of paper. The paperwork, it's insane. That it's not all

being digitised. Email it. Yeah. What are those that have printed out emails? Because they've got to have paper copies of emails. So you think,

oh, email it, it'll save the trick, but it doesn't because it gets printed anyway. Because, you see, I always just lick the thumb

if I have to do it but he gets a thumb and a gets a nah because it's not a kissy sound is it like a like a

maybe yeah I don't know see I can't even replicate it I'm not doing it justice everyone's like oh gross Paul that's weird

but it's good it's good stuff he makes this noise and you're just we left and I immediately said to Sade that was relaxing for me. The noise and then maybe it was also coupled up with the like flicking of paper.

Flicking over. She's like, don't talk about that on the radio. I was like, oh, what? Hence talking about it now before she's awake. But here I am. So we're talking about it now. But it was like, yeah. And I said to her afterwards, did you find that relaxing?

She's like, not really. I was like, it's just one of those noises I think different people would find. It's a squeaky lick, like a... That first one you did was kind of the closest, I think. Okay. Maybe there's a bit of... But you could listen to this noise. Yeah, I could listen to that.

And then the paper flicking through And then it was like Oh sign there And you'd sign And then you'd be Do it again And flick it through And so I was wanting to know from people

Is there a weird noise That you really like Is there like a noise That you hear That other people might be like Oh that's a bit But you're like I like that

Because if there's certain smells Like you know Like I shouldn't like The smell of plain fuel. Aviation fuel. Well, you're just a big solvent fan. You have plain fuel, vivid markers. Glue, paint.

But I've never really thought about weird sounds that I like. You know how some people make that fake drip noise with their cheeks? Oh. They flick their cheek and it goes... No, but it actually sounds... Yeah, like a drip. That is good. Yeah, that is a great,

that's a beautiful noise. Yes. Yeah, if you get a dripping tap and it's like, like that. Yeah, I almost did it. I can't do it again. Like a dripping tap

into an empty sink that's like, it drove you nuts. But if it's like, or however you did it. I don't know. No one's ever been able to explain to me

how to properly do that either. No. Okay, so we want to take your calls and your texts now. 0800 DALS at M. You can text 9696. The weird noises

you kind of like. Talking now about those weird sounds that you love. Vaughn, it was your lawyer that licks his fingers to change the paper. I can't recreate it.

Next time I go, I'll record it. It sounds creepy. You do what you're doing. I'm going to hold this phone close to your face. That wouldn't be weird at all, would it? No. We've got a weird relationship, though. I called myself cute once in a meeting with a lawyer.

How? Well, I said, I'm not smart, but my cuteness is getting me through a lot of life. And he just thought that was great. He just loved that I've never heard a grown man call himself cute before. So now every time he calls, he's like, how are you feeling today? Cute? I'm like, pretty cute.

It's a great time of the day for me. He might let you record this weird noise. Yeah. Okay, so the weird noises that you love. Oh, somebody said that in an effort to teach us to make the drip noise that we all like, flick your cheek with your finger pretty hard so it almost hurts. And you've got to mouth out the word oink, but without the K. Okay.

And really enunciate dramatically. Practice for three months all day like I did in high school and you'll get there. Ow. Oink, oink, oink. You didn't say mouth out the word flitch. My cheek just hurts now. Oh, James can do it. James can do it.

No pressure. No pressure. Okay. There it is. There it is. There it is. There it is. You just did a gentle tap.

You just did a gentle tap. Yeah. Do it again. Oh, my God. That's good stuff. I can fall asleep. He's got the sexy deep voice, and now he can do the sexy drip as well. The drip.

The sexy drip. Sure. Kelly, what weird noise do you love? The sound of a can of Coke opening. Does it have to be specifically Coke? Does it have to be Coke or can it be any can? Any can. Any can.

Well, is this too early for you to open up your daily can of Coke Zero, Megan? No, I've been awake for hours. Okay, are you ready? This is actually heaven to me. You're right. Here we go. Oh! It's that metal, isn't it?

That metal sound. The metal twist and break of that thin metal. And then the... Do you know another one that I love? And I don't know if it's the fact that I love doing it, is taking the lid off a tube of tennis balls. Have you ever done that? It's the same with Pringles.

Yeah. Yeah. So you take the thing off the Pringles, but then the pulling back of the... Yeah. Oh, yeah, the foil. That's good stuff. Kelly, thanks for your call.

Carly, what noise do you like? It's on a lot of the Instagram satisfying videos. I love the sound of people cutting soap. People cutting soap? Like when you go to like Lush or what's that place? No, it's just like normal supermarket bars of soap. Yeah. And they like cut squares into it at the top

and then they trim it all off and it makes this like ticking kind of noise. Okay. And I like cut squares into it at the top and then they trim it all off and it makes this like ticking kind of noise. Okay. And I don't know, it's just real nice. Let me just bring this up. I've found one on YouTube. Oh. Is that all the flakes?

Yeah. Oh, I could fall asleep to that. That was nice. It sounded like rain on the roof. It was. It was so nice. Rain on a tent. You'll just give that every now and again, just go on Instagram or give it a YouTube.

Yeah, so I'll just go online and Snapchat and stuff and all of that, and I'll just go on, and if I see it, then I'll be like, oh, I'm going to watch that one. I get that. That was really relaxing. I didn't even know that was a thing. No, no idea at all.

Thanks, you're cool, Carly. Some text messages in. I really like the sound of my indicator in my car. Sometimes I'll indicate, pull into the driveway, and then just sit there listening to it go. Oh, I don't know how it indicates. Some people have real nice ones. Mine's like tick, tock, tick, tock.

Yeah, yeah. Like new European cars. I think they've really put some time and effort into what their indicator sounds like. Right. Europeans. It's good stuff. Hey, tick tock, tick tock. Hey, tick tock.

Let tick, let tock. Let tick, let tock. Let tick, let tock. French indicator. Yeah. And then the Germans is, Zick tick, zick tock. Zick tick, zick tock.

We're turning. Somebody said, Odes are a car almost crashed into another car. The funny thing was, both cars were practicing the drip when it happened. Oh, no. Brilliant. Please be careful.

The sound of lawnmowers in the distance. Because they're generally coupled up with a fine day and usually the weekend. And the smell of cut grass. Someone said, flopping down on a big bean bag where the air slowly comes out the zip. So it's like. Because I'd be like, all right, bean bag. Yeah.

Not that bloody heavy. It's like a bean bag's going, oh God. Can't breathe. Someone said the boy I've been seeing stayed over last night for the second time. We've slept in the same bed and his snoring soothes me. That'll go. I find if I wake up and he's not snoring, I can't get back to sleep. No, but it might be one of those like, you know, those light, cute snores where it's not annoying.

It's more just like a heavy kind of a... No, that sounds a bit mouthy. Yeah, the snore my wife sounds like when she's got a bit of a cold. It's like... She'll love this. Two things post-7 I've done that's going to annoy her. Somebody said the sound of the trash

emptying on the MacBook. Now I've got a MacBook open to have my line up. We're only going to get one shot at this. Satisfying. We're only going to get one shot at this. Empty bin, ready? Empty bin, here we go. Oh, yeah, that's good. I like that. I really like that.

It's like the sexiest crumpling of paper ever. So this has come about, this story, after a post on Mumsnet. So two mums went to have coffee one day. Right. And they were talking about one said, oh I'm keeping a financial backup in case I need to buy a dishwasher or anything that happens to the car or whatever. But the other mum said

oh yeah, I've got a financial backup. She puts away $200 a month for a runaway fund. So, and this is if she ever needs to leave her husband. Now, she's said, furthermore, that she's happy. She has no reason to run away at the moment.

Right. But she also wants financial security should they ever break up. But she'd get half, wouldn't she? Yeah. But, I mean, that can sometimes take a while to come through. $200 a month? Who doesn't notice $200 a month? I know.

Like, is he like, hey, there's $200 a month missing for the last, since we got married. Or have you noticed any money going out? No. Like, are you even over that?

You're not in charge. This is the thing. Like, who's in charge of your household finances, Megan? Well, we both are. Like, I pay lots of stuff and he keeps an eye on it. See, this is your...

Pretty much. What if she's laundering it through, like, Kmart, or what was that place you went to that... Oh, no. Dekjuba. Dekjuba. Dekjuba. That one.

Because that pops up every now and then. What if she's laundering through them? You know what I'd do if I was her? I'd buy something at Kmart and get like $200 cash out and just put that in the savings account. That's why you think she spent $400 at Kmart and it's really only $100.

She's got an escape fund. That's not a lot of trust in your relationship. It's not a positive thing. No, but she said they're really happy. It's weird that you're planning your escape. When this woman posted it online, there was heaps of other women who were like, yeah, I've got a runaway fund too.

So not just mums, just if you're in a relationship... Just in a relationship. And you're thinking in the back of your mind that one day this will be over. Yeah. I never had one of those, just by the way. Runaway fund. For the first time, and I still don't.

They were definitely... Both of them would definitely have noticed. Yeah. My first husband and my second husband will both notice. That's your own fault. Why? Because you've got such an online shopping habit that they have to rein you in. So they have to keep an eye on finances.

Yeah. Okay. Whereas if you didn't. If you can prove that you're trustworthy, then you can become untrustworthy. Basically. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

But you could just sell off all your shoes and stuff again. I could. And that would be your escape fund. But I don't want to. Yeah. Right. Yeah. But you could just sell off all your shoes and stuff again. I could. And that would be your escape fund. But I don't want to. Yeah. Do you reckon your mum had an escape fund? Well, I don't. Does Bev have an escape fund?

I don't know. I don't think so. I reckon my mum would. She just seems like that type of woman. She'd have an escape fund. She kind of, she's a bit like Fletch sometimes. I don't think she'd trust anyone. Yeah, right.

She'd have a bit of an escape fund. She's probably got like a whole identity like fake moustache, a British passport, a gun, sunglasses. She's a spy. Our parents are getting to the age

where it probably doesn't need to be an escape. It could probably make it look like an accident. Oh my gosh. You know, he

wouldn't slow down. I warned him multiple times. We laugh. We laugh until it happens. You have to be a character witness for your mum in court. Your father fell down the stairs. It was terrible.

You know how he rushed up and down those stairs and I was always telling him to slow down and that those stairs needed to be fixed. Something is lurking in backyards around the country causing 1,000 ACC-related injuries a month. So that's just the injuries that result in someone having to go to a medical professional. So 250 a week? Yes, thereabouts.

Bikes? Not bikes. What's in your backyard? Grass. Sinkholes. Sinkholes. Slippery surfaces. Sinkholes are just opening up and swallowing us everywhere. I am talking about the humble

trampoline. An institution of New Zealand backyards. Growing, they've changed so much. They never used to be circles. Remember when they were always squares, rectangles? Yeah. They were always rectangles. And the pads were always just kind of on. Yeah.

And then they'd fall off or get wet and get a bit moldy, so you'd chuck them away. And you'd lose a couple of springs and fall through that hole. Yeah, the springs would start going, but you'd still have fun. The steel around it was thick, very hard. Back in the day, no padding. Nah. Well, it might surprise you to know,

far more injuries occur on trampolines now than they did back then. But they're all padded and like with big side things up now. Are they taking into account these big trampoline warehouse places? That's why I was wondering if it's gone up.

Because it's gone up. So the number of head injuries related to trampolines increased 289%. from the 2013-14 year to last year and this year, 2017-18. So in a four-year period there, it's gone up 289%. Now, I may be responsible for some trampoline-based injuries because when I go to jump, I jump for reals. Yeah.

And I'm, you know, 85 kgs of solid bullet. So there's not a lot of stuff in me. You jump on a trampoline now and it's like, oh, I buffed. Oh, my back. Oh, no, I can't do this anymore. And it's like your guts goes, well, let me do this again. It takes a bit of your organs to all get used to it. So head injuries up 289%.

Neck injuries up 33%. And the annual cost of treatment of trampoline injuries went from 4.2 million to 8.9 million. So that's a thousand a month.

So the last story I can find with ACC claims for Lime Scooters was on the 13th of November and that stated that 150 claims were made

or lodged in Auckland and Christchurch. In the first month. In the first month for Lime Scooters. So nearly a tenth. Hardly any, is it? 24 lacerations, 49 lacerations and 24 broken bones. And you'd say that it would be way worse at the start, eh?

Because we're all a bit free and loose and we're like, well, this is fun, this is new. We're not used to it. And then we'll calm down a little bit. Exactly. Calm down. Hold on. Ban trampolines? Ban line scooters.

So a Canterbury University engineer, Keith, who's a professor, so I should say Professor Keith, he's saying that we've got pretty loose standards when it comes to trampolines in New Zealand. Australia's got higher standards. But what's higher than you've got pads all around

and then that big netting? You know the nettings that's up now that makes it look like a kid's MMA cage? Yeah. He said that often they're not UV light protected. Right. And New Zealand sun just whittles them to nothing and then they fall down. So the parents just pull it off and be

like, we didn't really know that I grew up without these. And then the padding will start slipping off and then be like wow, again, we grew up without these. But the kids have been using the tramp and it's safe, Nick, but now it's like 1980s safety standard and they're like oh, metal hurts!

That sort of stuff. I also think you probably, like I take my kids to the doctor way more and they're like, oh, metal hurts. That sort of stuff. Yeah, right. I also think you probably, like, I take my kids to the doctor way more than my parents ever took us. Like, if we were bleeding, my parents would be like, we'll see how long it bleeds for. Yeah. Like, I could have bled out. You'd have a bone sticking out and they'll be like,

oh, just put a plaster on it. Push it back in. Don't worry about it. Yeah. I'm not saying our generation was a tougher generation. I'm just saying our parents were very slack. Pretty much, yeah much It was pretty loose Loose parenting in the 80s

It was Hey, gosh You know, at the end of the week It's gonna be December You know what that means? It's the festive season Yes Even for those people who are like

It's too early, wait till December Even they then have to be like Okay, well, you did say 26 days away That's not right It is, it's christmasclock.com But till Christmas Christmas is on the 25th And it's not the. It is. It's ChristmasClock.com. But till Christmas.

Christmas is on the 25th, then it's not the 29th. Is it? 25th, 26th. What if it's like the 25th? No, it'll be 26 something. 16 hours. Oh, 26 hours. So 26 and a... 16 hours.

And then 16 hours as well. Yeah. Okay, right. Is that all right? Are you happy now? Yeah, mathematically I'm a little more pleased. You're arguing with ChristmasClock.com. I'm arguing with an algorithm.

That's what's happening. It's pointless to argue with the robot overlords. I, for one, welcome them. But, you know, moving into December, Christmas parties, work Christmas parties, family Christmas parties, and one of the best ways to deal with only having to buy one person a present in these situations is the time-old tradition of Secret Santa, Megan. What do you think of Secret Santa?

It's great. Then we all get a present. Otherwise, we probably wouldn't. Yeah. And, like, everyone gets to be thoughtful about someone else at work. Yeah. And just one person. It's not a sort of a budget blowout.

Yeah. It's good. Agree to a set amount. What are your thoughts? We've agreed to, like, a pretty, like, it's a decent, affordable amount. Yeah. Fletch, what do you think about Secret Santa?

Wow. Just wondering, like not a leading question at all. You know how I feel because I had a rant about this the other day. So we've got our work Christmas party on Saturday.

$20 is the budget. $20. And we're not allowed the cash equivalent. No, but if it was like $5 or $10, you'd be like, you can't get anything with that. $5, $10, $20. And we're not allowed the cash equivalent. No, but if it was like $5 or $10, you'd be like, you can't get anything with that.

$5, $10, $20, it's all the same. It's always a pointless, rubbish gift that you get that doesn't mean anything to you. You know what I'm saying? But like,

you don't, I think it's $20 minimum, right? You don't have to like, stick to it. Minimum. You're not getting any more than that. I like, I like how any more than $20 is unheard of, but $20 isn't enough to like stick to it minimum you're not getting any more than that i like i like how any more than 20 is unheard of but 20 isn't enough to buy anything good like this it's

actually a lose-lose in your head there's no win okay we'll spend 30. christ no what are you mad it's too much for you might try to work colleague that you is just a colleague you know like what if you get someone that's new and you're like, I don't know this person. Who would you consider at ZM just a colleague? Okay, I wasn't saying here. Whatever. What? Here are we talking about you, Caitlin? This is my problem.

Work should be buying us presents. Well, no, you don't know that they're not going to. I shouldn't have to buy someone in the office a present. Work should buy us all a present. This is for us collectively as a team. We're all mates that work together. Just saying, when have you ever got anything in a secret centre over all the years you've been in the workplace, Vaughan,

that you've thought, this is great, I still use it. Name one, or two, or three. I can't. You can't! Because it's a waste of time. Work should be buying us a present. Something good. No, but they might still get us a present. We got jerseys last year. Remember those, like, ZM

hoodies? They were cool. Do you still have yours? Yes. Ah, what a liar! Yes. It had a nickname on it. I do, I do. No, I've still got that. Okay, aside from that, when have you got something that was good? Oh, like, every year I quite

like, it's always thoughtful and stuff. Yeah, and it's like a fun wee game. They never last very long. You don't keep it, do you? What's that? You don't keep it. Until it breaks. It depends what it is.

Because they never last very long. So you're struggling to name something that's good from a secret centre because you can't. They're always rubbish. I got a Star Wars mug one year. That was quite cool. And practical for a mug usage. All that's happening is that hardworking people in the office

are having to fork out $20 each. Don't act like you're for the people. This is classic old mate on Talkback. To waste. You want to have a bitch in a moment and you make it look like you're doing it for the purpose of other people. You're the only one moaning. Other people in the office are all good with it.

I'm saying what people are afraid to say. They're wasting money on work colleagues. Okay, Piers Morgan. That's what it's like. I'm saying what people are afraid to say. With a sprinkle of Hosking and a dose of Leighton Smith. They shouldn't have to. They shouldn't have to is what I'm saying.

Work should be the one buying you the present. They shouldn't have to. It's $2. And you buy your work colleagues or friends presents if you like them. No, because then it gets elitist. But then that's sad because then what if someone gets this?

Like when, you know, the Valentine's Day cards at school and there's always a kid in class that doesn't get any of that. That's real sad. What if everyone gets a present but you? That's okay. No, it wouldn't be.

Somebody said, you should take your secret Santa at the work party this Christmas and play Dirty Santa with it. Have you ever played that? See, that's fun. That's okay. No, it wouldn't be. Somebody said you should take your Secret Santa at the work party this Christmas and play Dirty Santa with it. Have you ever played that? See, that's fun. That's fun. I can wear that.

That's the one where you sit around the table and you can say, I want to open this one and you steal one from somebody. I don't like that because I buy Secret Santa specific to my person, you know? I don't want someone to nick it from them. Yeah, you put thought into Secret Santa.

You didn't see that look I just gave Fletch. I did. it was real snarky. I'm just glad it wasn't at me. It's one of those looks you don't want to get, but you quite enjoy seeing other people get. You will pay at least $20 Fletch, and you will think about it. I'm just going to put a $20 note. I'm not telling you who I got.

Mouth it. No. Because it's a secret. Because then if I get a really rubbish gift, I don't want everyone saying... I bought my really rubbish gift, I don't want everyone saying... I bought my secret Santa something and I put a bit of thought into it and then bought it. And then the place I bought it online

emailed me and said, oh, actually, we're all sold out of that. I'm like, well, what do you mean? It was available. I clicked multiple buttons that said buy on your website and they said, oh, do you want another one or do you want a refund? I said, I'll have a refund.

They said five to 10 working days. I said, it only took two you want another one or do you want a refund? I said, I'll have a refund. They said, five to ten working days. I said, it only took two seconds to go in. Why is it taking five days to come out? Yeah, you've got my money for five days. Don't get born started. God. On slow refunds. It was 20 bucks.

Oh, here's a good one. Someone said, we can secret Santa at our workplace and instead we do a whip around for the Auckland City Mission. Oh, see, that's really nice, actually. That's good. That's really nice. Yeah, that's a good idea. We should do that as well.

Put that to rest. As well! Somebody said just buy alcohol. Well, no, that's what work does. Or they provide the alcohol. Yeah, we all want to work. Yeah, why buy the person alcohol for a later date? What can I get for $20?

A cask. You can get a bloody nice bottle of wine for $20, actually. Think about that, because I think you're my secret Santa. But then you'll buy them the wrong wine. No, I'll get a bottle of $20 wine that's down to $14 and say it was $20. Yes. Boom. Done.

Or you could get a $25 that costs you $20. No. Oh, my God. F.M. Bread crumbing. I want to talk about this term. It's not a dating term. Love crumbing.

Snitzel. One of my favourite things, cr term. It's not a dating term. Love crumbing. Snitzel. One of my favourite things. Crumbing. This is not carbs. It's a term for friendship, I guess. It's not a dating term. Right. This is something I'm like really guilty of.

But I think this story will make you feel better if you are guilty of this. So bread crumbing is the act of dropping like enticing little digital breadcrumbs, text, comments, likes on social media, in order to keep the breadcrumber on the radar of the breadcrummy. So it's to be like, well, I don't have time to actually physically see you, but I'll just be like, oh, hey, we should catch up sometime and have totally of a coffee or something. So the breadcrumbing analogy is like

sprinkling a trail, like luring in, or not giving them enough to feed them. But enough to keep them interested. To keep them interested and keep them on your radar. There's got to be a loaf of bread somewhere is what they're thinking. But someone has described it as like you do genuinely

want to see them but it's tricky because you can't even see your closest mates as often as you'd like. That's totally me um and when you meet your close friends it doesn't matter if you're like if you look like crap or you're grumpy or whatever because they'll just put up with you the way that you are but if you're going to see people on the outer skirts of your friendship you've got to turn it on you've got to turn it on and you know make it look like we'll not be in your pajamas um but a consultant from a media marketing firm has said that thanks to social media and all the different chat groups you're probably a part of, it's not possible to keep up with every single person that you're connected to.

So thanks to social media, we're just reminded that the friendships are fizzling out. So instead of letting them fizzle out when someone pops up on your timeline, you're like, oh hey, it's good to see you. We should totally catch up for a coffee. So even just a like would be a breadcrumbing? Yeah. Hey, I'm still here. I still like your pictures. Yeah. That's a real minimal breadcrumb.

But if you're like, oh my god, nice to see you doing well. Let's catch up. And you totally need to catch up. I always say let's catch up. Oh, and I don't say it. People say it to me and I'm like yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's been happening in real life forever, right? This is just digitally

happening. Because you used to have to see them to say let's catch up but now you just say let's catch up you type let's catch up with no intentions of catching up. But I feel like everyone knows what that means, right? It's like you see these people enough on social media

to keep up with what's going on, that's enough. Yeah. Like I said, someone said, let's catch up to me once. And I was like, well, no, just go now. Tell me. What do you mean? It's like, well, what do you want to, let's just have it out. Let's just talk now.

Because I don't know. What are we doing here? Let's just talk now. I know that's strange because you're like seeing them and you're like, let's catch up and it's like, that's exactly what we're doing. And they were like, where do we start? And I was like, well, you're the one that wanted to catch up so just start where you're like. But as soon as I read

this, I was like, oh, I feel a bit bad. I think this is all of us a bit, isn't it? You should not feel bad about this. Okay. They're not expecting, surely these bread crummies, are they the people chasing their breadcrumbs? Yeah. Surely they're not dumb. They know what this means. It's a social politeness.

Are people breadcrumbing me? Oh, absolutely. We're all breadcrumbing each other. They mean it, but when I say it to them, I'm like, oh yeah. You don't mean it. There's tears to breadcrumbing. You breadcrumb those below you, but those above you breadcrumb you. But could this be

people that maybe do want to catch up with you because maybe you've gone on a date with them or something and they want to get in there? No, it's not romantic. It's not romantic? From your description that you read before, it's not romantic. No, this is me. You're a breadcrumber.

Well, we've admitted it. Do we want to talk to some other breadcrumbers? And do you think that this is a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not even dishing out real breadcrumbs. I'm doing, like, gluten-free keto bread. I'm a panko. I'm a panko breadcrumber. All right.

Then why do we have these people as friends on Facebook then? Just delete them. To be nosy? No, but you still like them. You just don't have time Right? But you don't ever want to catch up I think Fletcher's the wrong person to ask about this

No no I kind of get it You like them But I just find it quite intense Hanging out with people So if I can just see what they're doing online Then I know And they know what I'm doing And then we can keep up this

Falsehood of humanity for a while longer and keep doing that till we die. That's my plan anyway. Keep avoiding people till I die. It's sad, but he's a little sort of, you know, introverted. Are you a breadcrumber? Do you do this to people online? And can you defend it?

Like, is it a good thing or a bad thing? Yeah, what do you think? Okay, 0800DARNS.M. You can text in as well, 9696. We're talking about breadcrumbing in friendships, not in, you know, like relationships. It's where you leave a trail of digital breadcrumbs, like, we'll totally catch up,

or likes or comments on people's Instagrams. But it never happens. Never happens. But you're stringing them along with breadcrumbs. Just to keep them on your radar. But I feel like we all do this. Yeah. Like, I think we're all guilty of this.

Yeah. And we're hearing from both breadcrumbers and breadcrummies. A crummy here saying, when people breadcrumb me, saying we should catch up, I immediately hit them with three different times I'm available. Oh, nice. That's a power play. To call their bluff.

I know that is a breadcrumber who wants to become a breadcrumber, a crummy becoming a crumber. A crumber, yeah. Is that a thing? Can you transition? Imagine being called out on it. I know. But the problem is I end up having a lot of boring catch-ups

with various people because they feel guilted into one of those three dates that I've provided them with and then we have to catch up. That's the thing. You don't want to catch up with people too often. Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're not meant to catch up. You've got your really good friends,

your super close friends and you catch up with them and it's all good and you cannot see them for a year and you see them and it's like a day hasn't passed. Yeah. But then you see people

who you just are acquaintances with and you say the polite thing of we'll catch up and then it'll be quite a lot to have to catch up with them too often. Yeah. Jazz, what do you think about the breadcrumbing? I'm not a breadcrumber. I get it. Oh, okay.

So who's breadcrumbing you? I won't say her name. I get it through Snapchat because I'm not on any other social media. Okay. But if I put up a story of me and the kids or something like that, I'll get a, oh, we should catch up. I'll come over.

We have dinner. Raddy, raddy, rah. Never happens. We plan a day, everything like that. And then the day of it coming to, she will message me and be like, oh, I don't feel well or something will happen, and then

I'll see her the same night on Snapchat getting drunk. And I get this recently from the one person. See, I'd give up. I'd give up. Yeah, I'm going to cut her out. I'd just cut her.

That doesn't even sound like bread crumbing. It sounds like. So it's like she's giving half a life and then taking it back. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Definitely. I'm not even giving any crumbs. Exactly.

Jazz, thanks for your call. Olivia, are you a bread crumber? Yeah, I was a bread crumber. Oh, no. It's okay. You're among friends. Yeah. We do the same.

So who have you breadcrumbed? When I got married and I fell down, I kind of lost all my friends. We're like, no, I don't want to hang out with you. I kind of wore it. So when we had babies, you know, my friends came back. And I know we aren't here. We aren't calling you. I'm going to come around and everyone's boring you.

Then I had the baby and, like, they were all gone. And so I'd find a message, one of the messages, and I'd still pop up on Facebook and comment and say, you know, we should come around, come around. Then I'd get a message to say we should catch up, you know, we have to come see baby. But I was just so exhausted. I would kind of ignore them.

And I just, I didn't, I didn't want to hang out with them. I know, that's totally understandable. It's understandable. A new period, busy didn't want to hang out with them. Oh, no, that's totally understandable. That's understandable. A new parent, busy and tired and coming to grips with it. That's... Oh, well, I still do that now. They just, look, let's face it, they just want to come around for an Instagram photo with the baby.

Baby Instagram photos always do very well. Trust me, they do very well. Olivia, thanks for your call. Some other text messages in. Someone said, or the Fun Police have messaged in, this is all just silly. Why does everything need a name and a motive? People are busy and that's all there is to it.

It's not the same thing that needs to be ascribed to personality. The sheer fact that everyone does this to some degree just emphasises this. It just sounds like all our parents. Good luck if you work with them today. They're having a bad start to the day. Somebody else said, I believe most adults are probably breadcrumbers. Life's going at 100 miles an hour

and you might want to catch up with someone, but you don't have the time. When we say we have to catch up, it just means we haven't seen each other for a while and we'll probably do this exact same thing again in some time. Exactly what I mean. It's just a polite thing to say. Let's run through a couple of scenarios.

Let's pretend we haven't seen each other for a while and we're kind of like, anyway, I've got to go. Oh, who am I though? You're the bread crumber. Okay. You're, yeah. And I haven't seen you for ages.

He's trying to get at the method because he's never done it before. Anyway, I'm just getting into character here. I've got to go anyway. It was great to see you. Oh, well, we should catch up sometime. Maybe we should do dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, drop me a message or something. We'll totally sort it out in time. I'll do it right now. Just wait there. Oh, no, I've got to go. I said I've got to go. No, I'm just sending you a message now. Yeah, I know, but the good thing about messages is our phones aren't attached by a string.

I've just messaged you. You know what? I don't want to catch up. I was being polite. Oh. But this is why I've remembered now why we don't catch up. Because am I too intense? You're intense.

Yeah, right. Standing very close to me. Personal space. Yeah, right. For no. Okay, right. I hate that you had to hear this from me because you're not going to see me again for another year. Well, message me later.

We'll do this in a year. I don't think you're listening. No. See, that's hurtful. You're not going to get hurt. So you just say, yeah, yeah, sure, sure. Message me. Let's catch up.

Totally. You know what it's like, though? Mad. Busy. Busy. So mad. So busy. Just don't then go home and upload a photo of you just lying on the couch being like,

it's great having an afternoon to do nothing God I'm so bored I wish I had someone to hang out with And then you're bing Oh god no I've crummed I've accidentally crummed all over the place Fact of the day day day day day Today's fact of the day I had one lined up Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Lou Gehrig's disease, ALS, you know, the ice bucket challenge? Oh, yeah. They raised a whole lot of money and that was looked into. But, yeah, he's just passed away at the age of 57. That's so young.

Of that disease. So that's really sad. I love SpongeBob. You do, yeah. When it came out, I was just like, this is outrageous. Do you remember when we had a photo of SpongeBob? Or was it Patrick Starfish at Dreamworld? It was both of them, wasn't it?

Can you do a SpongeBob impression? I need a Spongeongebob laugh. Do it. The guy who does Spongebob, Tom Kenny, he did a tutorial on how to do it. So you go, like your best Spongebob tone. And then you just laugh, but you run your finger up and down your throat.

You go. Like that's kind of how he does it. And I can do a pat track, which is like Spongebob. No, that's not the most great. That's fine. You need to warm up do a pat track, which is like, Spongebob. No, that's not the one I'm great at. That's fine. You need to warm up with a few. Spongebob! Spongebob!

A few of those. My girls love it, and I'm just so stoked to sit down and watch Spongebob with them. Yeah. It's so weird. It's Nickelodeon's longest running cartoon. So basically what I said was I had it won a fact of the day about shoes. Bookmark it for two moles. Yeah.

That was for Megan. I saw it. I was like, Megan's going to love this one. But you can wait because someone's died. Okay. The creator of SpongeBob SquarePants. So I thought I'd just on the fly, I'd tell you a SpongeBob SquarePants fact for the best fact of the day.

Okay. The show's title was originally called SpongeBoy Ahoy and SpongeBob SquarePants' initial name was SpongeBoy. Now, it was created under SpongeBoy, but when they went to register it, SpongeBoy was already a trademarked property. Oh. It belonged to one of those mops.

You know the mops with the sponge on the end and you squeeze them out? Yeah. Oh, yeah. That was called a SpongeBoy. There was a specific type of those. It was called a SpongeBoy. So he had to go back to the drawing board.

Right. But he likes the sound of SpongeBoy and Sponge being in the name, so he was called a Sponge Boy. So he had to go back to the drawing board. Right. But he likes the sound of Sponge Boy and Sponge being in the name so he changed it to Sponge Bob. And that's why Sponge Bob, although he's a like based on an undersea sponge, looks more like a a mopping sponge. Right. You know, if you're

ever going to make, I made one of these too. I don't know what happened to it. Sade probably threw it out. I got one of those sponges once and I cut it in half and I put eyes on it and made it look like Spongebob. Of course you did. I couldn't find any Spongebob toys for the girls so I was like I'll make one. So I made one

and yeah, it's really sad news that he's passed away at the age of 57. So today's fact of the day is Spongebob Squarepants' original name was Spongeboy. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Last week I had a travel tip. Do you remember I mentioned the packing cubes?

Boy, did I hear about that. Either people were like, these are amazing. Where have these been? Or where have you been? Because these have been a thing for ages. Right. Today, and before nine o'clock, Vaughan's turned for a travel tip. And this is controversial.

I think almost as controversial as those things people clip behind their seats to stop people reclining. Do you think so? No. Some airlines have banned this. Is that a thing? Those ellips? Yeah.

I know. Where do you get them from, eh? That is coming up, but right now. Today, it is CEA. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, class. How are we today?

Good, thank you. You sound like you had a hard night on the wines, Miss. I did have a few wines last night, but just to get through you guys, you know. I don't blame you, Miss. Yeah. So today, good luck to those who are doing it today. Is that right? Latin? So today, good luck to those who are doing Te Reo Rangitiri. Is that right?

Latin? Rangitiri? Rangitiri. Latin and Latin. You were going to say that's Maori, not Latin. Yeah, and then the Latin. Agriculture, horticulture, science and history. Those are level two.

Level three, Samoan and level three, health. And scholarship, Te Reo Maori and Latin as well for scholarship. So good luck to all those students out there actually doing exams today. We're just doing a mock-up of it.

Well, we're actually doing it. We take this very seriously. Yeah, you do. Yeah, sure. Okay. Level two, history. Oh, I did history. Hit me.

Use your name as your buzzer. Hit me? Yes. Why do your buzzer. Can't miss. Why do you always pick the subjects that Vaughan excels in? Are you Googling? No. What were you doing? Step away from the computer.

I mean, where would I start Googling history? True. There's a lot of it. The question is, how many wives did Henry VII have? Oh. Megan. Yes. Eight? Nine. You can't guess more than once. Henry VII have. Oh. Megan. Yes.

Eight? Nine. You can't guess more than one. I thought it was eight. It's not eight. Wait a minute. Read me Henry VII because I'm guessing it's written in Latin. Read out the Latin. Henry V111.

That's Henry VIII. Yeah, I just figured she meant Henry VIII because he was the one who had lots of wives. Hang on. Henry VIII born. Isn't that five plus three equals eight? Yeah, five is figured she meant Henry VIII because he was the one who had lots of wives. Hang on. Henry VIII. Isn't it five plus three equals eight? Yeah, five is me and then three. Henry VII, I'm like, not a well-known historical figure. No.

I'm like, she definitely means eight. I just, yeah. That's why you said eight. I know. I just went with it. He was the eighth. I knew she meant eighth and he had lots of wives. Vaughn, ten.

No, I'm asking about Henry VII. You said Henry V111. V111. That's Henry VIII. No, look. This is the Google. He had six wives. Two got beheaded.

That's Henry VIII. That's Henry VIII. But then why am I... I've Googled Henry VII. Fletch are six. Fletch, you get it right. Well, it's Google's fault. No, Google's like, don't you mean Henry VIII?

Yeah. No. It's V111. Well, anyway, I'm right. Okay, moving on. Moving on. Do not argue with the teacher. This is that NCAA question that gets in the paper because all the students are like crying about it.

Yeah. I didn't know what that word meant. We were talking about that. Okay. Anyway. Level one lesson. Oh, okay. Level one, Latin. Oh, okay. It's also scholarship Latin today as well.

Please translate this phrase. Can't be noctum. Can't be noctum. Seize the night, Fletch. No. You did that, that is right. That's correct. Seize the night.

Yes! Noctum, did it say? Noctum. Noctum, yeah, I was like, well, it must the night. It's Cap. Yes. Cap. Noctum, did it say? Oh, Noctum. Noctum. Noctum. It's not Nocturnal. It's Noctum. Yeah, I was like, well, it must be night.

And seize. Something to do with eight. Fetch. Cap. Noctum. Good from you. There he comes. Thank you, miss.

Okay, and now for the fun hands-on segment. Oh, I'm good at hands-on. Does this have anything to do with the instruments you've given us? Yes. We are doing scholarship music today, and you are creating your own band. I didn't realise we all had different instruments. Vaughn has a guitar. Yes.

He's the rock star that you are. I have a recorder, because you are great at recording. And Fletch, you have Maddie's, Al's daughter, little cat keyboards. So guys, do you want to hear what this sounds like? So you can choose piano, bells, organ, banjo or meow. I've selected meow. Oh, meow. Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.

That's actually pretty neat. Oh, that's meant for you. Yay. Okay, so but you have to sing along You have to sing along And play along With this song okay At the same time

Do I need a band name I've just been to Oh yes What's your band's name I just went to a band name generator Okay I was just going to suggest We had a name

Okay There's Vaughn and the Angry Tables Why is your name in this Because it asked me for my name So I put my name in Okay Why Also why are you the lead singer We're me for my name, so I put my name in. Okay. Also, why are you the lead singer?

Why can't I be the lead singer? Well, I can't sing while I play the recorder. Okay, here's some without names. The Blind Fielder? No. No. I don't think that's PC. Afterglow Trader? No.

He's a shit. Regime Acetate? No. The Retinal Sulfuric? Oh my God, these are so lame. regime acetate the retinal sulfuric oh my god this is so lame these sound like regional town bands that play covers at weddings well they're probably better than us so

harrow ivory harrow ivory earthly polytechnic yes I like that earthly polytechnic are we all going at once? All going at once. You're going to do a cover of Ariana's Thank You Next

and with each of your instruments, okay? And someone can sing if they would like to. Wait for the... Just making sure it's in tune. I'm just tuning. I'm just tuning. Okay. I'm just tuning my cat.

And then you need to play the... The really embarrassing thing that I have to admit in my life is I did guitar lessons for like five or six years. And I know nothing. Did you give your pick to a girl? I got a pick once from a guy. Caitlin, my guitar teacher wouldn't even let me play with a pick. I had to play with my fingers.

She was a real... And I didn't know any of the songs were learning. Do you know any chords? Because you've got to play at least one. I know chords, but I don't know how of the songs were learning Do you know any chords? Because you've got to play at least one I know chords Do your parents pay for that? Yeah they do To get a refund

They were really angry Yeah They want a refund off me Okay Time to perform I'm poised I'm just adjusting my microphone to place my guitar Because that's what

Okay That's what cover bands do Okay We're going to turn it up I just need my microphone to face my guitar because that's what cover bands do. Okay. Meow. Meow. We're going to turn it up. Meow. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Meow Fletch is so serious

Of course I'm serious Meow Meow Meow Of course I'm serious. It's my recording solo. Yeah. It's my recorder solo. Okay. I think, yep, it's good.

I think I won. I think you did. Yay! You were concentrating really hard, so you did really well there. That was horrible, Megan. You did your best. I was born. You just tried to be cool. That's bad.

Has anyone ever given five years of their life to something and have absolutely nothing to show for it? That's embarrassing, right? Yeah, I had dating boys. Yeah, my first marriage. So, my wife has ordered these things. We're going to Thailand after Christmas to see her dad. He lives in Thailand.

He's moving back in March. He originally, this was... You didn't see that. He's lovely. No, no, no. I rolled my eyes. This is I rolled my eyes Yeah I rolled my eyes Because he

Vaughan doesn't like this Because he said I'm not coming back for a while I need to see the grandkids Yeah yeah And you've got to come over here And meet the entire family Which I'm all for

Yeah You know I think it's important The girls know their heritage And everything So I don't think it's like that But he's like Yeah I'll

We said ages ago, all right, well, we'll come at Christmas time. That's the time where I can get enough time off work. Yeah. And we'll come when the girls aren't in school and stuff. And then he said, oh, I'm moving back in March. I was like, March 2020. He's like, March 2019.

I was like, but that's like straight after we come to see you. He's like, oh, yeah. And then he bought a house. He's like, I might actually come back in November. I was like, no, stop, John. You're not coming back in November because we're going all that way to see you and meet the family. But it's Thailand.

That's fun. I know. That's awesome. It's going to be good fun. But it's quite a flight. Yeah. And last time when we flew to Hawaii, that's the longest flight we've taken the girls on,

we got those cuddle seats. What is that called? Cuddle couch. Spoon couch on New Zealand. On the spoon couch. Sky couch. We were just lucky. They just said, do you want one of these?

And I was just like, that would be great. Oh, so you didn't even pay for it? No, it was just a spare one. Oh, that's nice. So we popped it up and the girls slept most of the flight. And it was great. We just arrived and we're like, okay, that's magical. Yeah.

But the airline we're flying doesn't have cuddle class. Okay. Cuddle couch. So my wife found these things online and you like put them in the footwell where your feet usually go in the plane. And then you pump them up and it creates like a kid-sized bed out of the seat and the gap. It fills that gap up. So technically it's like an airbed cube. Yes.

That fills the gap. Yeah. Wow. And does it come onto the seat? Does it have like a topping that goes over onto the seat? Does it match it? That would be perfect. Or you just push it up and match it.

Yeah. No, yeah, you just push it up and match it. Yeah, right, because they're quite small. That would be small that would be children yeah i know for the beast they can be quite small and it's all apparently it pumps up it's all inside it so some airlines have banned these some have because you can imagine we wouldn't put it on the aisle seat yeah we've got two and we'll put them against we've got seats against the window so we'll put them there and we're not an exit row so it's not going to block anybody. But yeah, if you were like on the aisle seat and you pumped one up

and someone needed to get out over, that would be problematic. Or you could get those four seats in the middle and then put the kids in the middle. We're doing plane seating. Always do head plane seating. Always get in there. Pick one out. Pick a good seat chat. Always do head plane seating. Always get in there.

Pick one out. Pick a good seat. Get a good seat. But yeah, they just arrived today. They look like I thought they'd be bigger. They're actually quite a small bag. Well, you've got to carry with it. You've got to get on the plane with it, I guess.

Well, like you just said, children tend to be small, so you should be sorted. Yeah, they should be. Oh, I can feel the pump in there now. I've just never seen anyone use them. You always see them with their neck cushions. You're going to get on the plane and get the pump out and be like. Yeah, apparently it pumps up pretty easy. I don't know if you do it by hand or by foot.

I don't know how I feel about that. Oh, look at the size of that pump. You're going to have to carry that with you. But the good thing is we only need one of these. One of these can be ditched. Yeah. It's quite a sizable pump. See, I don't know.

Do you know what I want to get? What? Is one of those hammocks for your head that you're strapped to the seat and then you, like, lean forward and it holds your head just above where you normally sit, like that. Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen those? Yeah, I have online.

Does it go under your chin or something? No, it goes under your forehead. I mean, you look like a right twat, but the important thing is you sleep. Yeah, right. Yeah, you're right. That's why I always try to get a window seat, because then you can just put a pillow up and go. a right twat but the important thing is you sleep. Yeah. That's why I always try to get a window seat because then you can just put a pillow up

against the window. Nah but yeah I'm with Megan you fall asleep and then the pillow falls and your head flops back and you're like against the window.

Yeah. That's why I always take a sleeping pill. Knock myself out and then just wake up with a sleeping pill. You know there is an easy way around

all of this. We just start flying business class. Oh, if only. Okay, mate. You see people taking their kids into business class. You're like, surely we get to go up there before the kids.

But sir, these children paid. I know, but they're children.