ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 29 2018

Episode Date: November 28, 2018

Fletch is seriously embarrassed after yesterday's events, something has arrived in the mail and when did someone think it was drugs?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Thank you, Journey Millennial. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. Just right in front of me, there's something about some new research. Okay. Because you probably know this about me. I'm quite a sympathetic ear.

A pillar of support. Someone said to me before. Who no one has ever said that to you. Well, I've got it in writing on LinkedIn. New research finds there's no right thing to say when you want to be supportive. Trying too hard to say the right thing could actually lead you to make clumsy statements that do more harm than good. Your mere presence and sympathy is likely enough.

This is why I don't say much. Sit there and let them talk. Yeah, because that's what I would say. Oh, I don't really know what to say. But I shouldn't have said that. That's one of those clumsy things. Yeah. Just don't.

Because it sounds like you're just trying to like. Just give them a hug. Just know that it's okay. Yeah. And pat. Don't pat. Always don't pat know you don't say Just give them a hug Or a Just know that it's okay Yeah And pat Always don't pat Don't pat Rub

Circular rub No Not a rub What do you call this? A supportive Creepy Rub Don't rub

The word rub Doesn't go well with sympathy Does it? No Goes well with erotic touching But not sympathetic touching Coming up on the show, the top six. Just rub it.

That's called being moved along, Bourne. Ah, the top six. Yeah, Sean Johnson's been released from his Warriors contract. Sorry, Sean Johnson's been released from his Warriors contract. Yeah. A year early. Heck. I thought he'd be here till the day he died.

But as people who have also left one place that was synonymous with them and made a career somewhere else, I can feel for the guy. He wants to try somewhere different. Well, hopefully the Warriors aren't trademarking his name. Or the combination of his first and last name. They wouldn't be that petty. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Story time. Three news headlines for interesting, unusual, weird news stories. And Vaughan and Megan pick one story. That's how it works. The others, we don't find out about. That's just life sometimes. You don't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want.

Good song. Depressing, though. Yeah, it is. You want it, don't you? Yeah. All right, headline one. YouTube time traveller back. Is it the same one?

It's the same one, yeah. Same guy. Yeah. Has he aged? No, he hasn't. He went forward in time, spent another 15 years, and then came back to the same place So that'll impress me

Surprisingly has an age That'll impress me Headline two Curtains for driver And headline three Artist remixing jigsaws I know about artist remixing So it turns out

I saw this Is this the guy who's Mashing up jigsaw puzzles? Yeah he is Because like when Holdson Make a jigsaw puzzle, they print the jigsaw picture onto cardboard and it goes into this machine and it just stamps it real hard and cuts it.

But it's the same cut. So technically, once you've done one jigsaw, the rest are exactly the same. The pictures are different, but the shapes go in the same spot. I feel cheated by that. Because if you did jigsaws a lot, you wouldn't know that,

would you? You'd have to do them a lot. And even then, if you've got a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, you're not going to be like, oh yes,

straight on one side and then out on one and then in on one and then a funny angle of out. I know where that goes. There are also like 20, 30, 40, 100 pieces of that

same cart. Yeah, okay. But if you're working on a 20-piece frozen puzzle, it could become a little repetitive. Yeah, but he's actually remixing jigsaws. Yeah, he's getting the one I saw was a horse and a train. Yeah, yeah, that's a good one. And he goes half and half and kind of molds them into each other.

It actually looks pretty cool. Okay, so not that. Curtains, number two. You want curtains for driver? Yeah. Okay. We go now to the Florida Keys. Yay.

And in fact, I feel like this story was similar to either another guy had pulled this off or this is the same guy that's finally been caught. See if you remember this story. So Florida Highway Patrol officers arrested a man, 70-year-old Robert Craig Davis, on November 17. Now, reports, this man first came to attention, well, his car anyway, when CBS4 news reporters were travelling on a Florida highway and saw a man coming up to a toll road, to toll road cameras. And that is when a curtain dropped down over his licence plate

to cover up his licence plate, so that when he went through the cameras, the toll... They couldn't identify who it was and couldn't charge him. Exactly. So I'm assuming he either didn't have a plate on the front or he had it both front and back. But the video actually shows, I've got a little video, someone was behind him.

They must have noticed he was doing this maybe at another toll road. And yet they're just behind him in the car. They're filming. And you can see his license plate. It just kind of, black curtains come down. That's cool. And it's covered. Yeah.

We thought that'd be a good trip. Now, I don't know. It's like on the transporter, that Jason Statham movie. This is it. So he puts it back up straight away. So they must have, maybe when he went through it, he put it back up and they were like, did you see that? And then they started filming.

Right, yeah, because he's driving under those toll cameras that hang down over the road like in Australia, right? So these CBS were like, wow, this is, driving under those toll cameras that hang down over the road like in Australia. So these CBS were like, wow, so it went kind of viral on Twitter and that's when everyone was like, check out this guy's curtains. That was months ago. Well, he was doing it again, but

this time some off-duty police officers were in a car and saw this happen and they radioed in ahead and Florida Highway Patrol pulled him over and he's actually gone to court and he spent a night in prison after he was charged. So I assume he's now facing a court appearance at some stage.

Yeah, it was only going to be a matter of time before police saw you do it. I had police clocked that as overtime. Organised. If I was a cop stopping crime and I wasn't on the clock, I'd always be like, oh, and there was that two hours I worked on the weekend. See, I mean, you wouldn't,

that's something you would probably like work outside of your hours on because that's quite interesting, eh? Yeah. But if it was someone speeding or I'd just be like, oh, whatever. It's old curtain plates.

It's old curtain plates, yeah. So apparently he's been booked for organised fraud and petite theft. Petite theft? P-I-T-I-T. Do they mean petite? Is that a typo? No.

Do they mean petite? Just small, small theft. It's just a little theft. It's so cute though. I know. If I was going to do theft, I'd want it to be petite. Petite. Petite.

Oh my God. Your theft is looking so petite lately. Thank you. Oh my God. I know. It's a lovely word. Petite. Petite. Oh my God, Megan, your theft is looking so petite lately. Thank you. Oh my God. I know, it's a lovely word. Petite. Petite. It's like the bubbly at the other end of the scale.

You know, if someone describes yours, oh, they were so bubbly. No, I don't like that. Excuse me. No, I know. But it's a nicer way of saying what was actually intended. In Florida, petite theft is the taking or using of property valued at under $300 with the intent to deprive the owner of a right or benefit in the property. It's a misdemeanor offence.

Right. So he was doing the state out of its road user charges. Yeah, basically. Tolls. Yeah. Was it actual curtains or was it like a proper... And did he have it... I don't know how he set it up

I'd love the same There's no word on that But yeah What a great idea Yeah I've always thought That would be a great idea Ever since I saw The Transporter

With Jason Statham And he'd do the robbery And then his number plate Would And flick to another number plate And it was a different No I always thought Because I remember

The old James Bond films Where it would flip up And a machine gun Would come out And then flick back down Sometimes I think That it would be so good a machine gun would come out and then flip back down. Sometimes I think that'd be so good even now just with like

useless drivers. But if you think a car's going slow while it's working, imagine how much slower it'd go when it was on fire because you shut it with a gun.

Oh yeah, but I'd just be like and then you go round them. Someone else's problem. Yeah. Your problem now. It's hot at our Patoni. I don't mean to be like...

A lot of people would have seen this. Well, you weren't super panicky about it before, so I just thought I'd bring it back down with a sort of a casual, see you later. I think you've got to meet us halfway, Vaughan. A lot of people would have seen this story yesterday. Yeah, especially those in Petone. Or even just Lower Hutt. Other Lower Hutt suburbs, yeah.

Now, I don't mean to alarm anybody, but in 80 years, you'll all be dead and or underwater. True. Now, apparently with sea level rising the way it is, in 80 years, Petonia will be underwater. Like, it'll be gone. It'll be like the bottom. I don't want to panic anybody.

80. You know when you get in an aquarium or you see them at the pet stores and they've got those like sunken city? Yeah, yeah. Or have you ever been to Old Cromwell? Yeah, yeah. Have you ever been to Old Cromwell?

I don't think so. Oh, amazing. When they built that dam, it was just like, oh, I think you guys are going to have to get a new house. Really? When? Now you're underwater.

But yeah, so they flooded the old town to make the dam. It's not going to be that dramatic. It will end up being that dramatic. But yeah, so they flooded the old town to make the dam. It's not going to be that dramatic. It will end up being that dramatic. But yeah, it's going to be underwater to the point where like a high tide will be well up into the suburb. Sea view. I mean, sea view will literally just become sea. They'll drop the view because you'll be in the sea.

Allistown and Motor will kind of be underwater. I mean, people around there already know what a storm surge and like heavy rain and a high tide and a, you know, a couple of those things together, she gets pretty close. Because a while ago I saw it was like one of those infographic things online where it predicted sea rise even just all over the country. So you could like choose your area. Yeah.

And then it was quite shocking. Really? I mean, you know, in 80 years, I'll definitely most likely be dead unless they find some kind of longevity pill. But then even then I'd debate taking that because I don't know how long a KiwiSaver would last. Yeah, and there's not going to be any super by the time we get there, Malcolm. Don't kid yourself.

Retirement age will be 100. Oh, that's so sad. It'll be terrible. Yeah. But, yeah, it's quite freaky to think, isn't it? And you'll still be playing Ed Sheeran songs, so, I mean, it's a – Is it a life worth living? Is it?

Ask yourself. I don't know. So, if it rose by – working this out, but if the sea would rise a metre over the next 80 years, but some are saying up to three and a half, even they think a seawall, like building a big seawall, just stop the sea and then you're behind, would be pointless as well.

Because it would just get smashed by storm surges and it would just wash over it. Yeah, and that's the other thing, the rain coming down the river would get stuck there as well. Oh, yeah, okay. I don't want to panic anybody. What a grim start to the day. Yeah.

But it's not just, hey, look, that's just because they're focused on Petone. Lots of other places going underwater. Well, there's whole island nations going underwater. Oh, I was just thinking more closer to home. Oh, yeah. Like, surely if Petone's going under Papamoa was just thinking more closer to home oh yeah like surely if Petone's going under Papamoa

Melonganui they're gonna be looking at getting a pair of gumboots this is putting a damper on my plans to get a seaside mansion in like 100 years

well your seaside mansion will have it's own dam to put on it Megan it'll be the ocean no the key would be to buy like inland like Rotorua

Taupo and then have a seaside and that becomes well I mean why not why not build becomes up on a hill. Why not build a house on a giant volcano?

I don't know. That's essentially what you do. I'm running from the sea into the pits of hell. Yeah, you're kind of

screwed in New Zealand, eh? You're either building somewhere that's going to be eaten by the sea,

somewhere that's going to be volcanoed on, or earthquakeed on. Okay, so pick here. Pick how you want to die.

That's quite nice. It's a pick a path. But there's no surviving. We all die in the end. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Sean Johnson is leaving the Warriors. The Warriors. He's been at the Warriors for ages.

I was going to say it's been eight years or something. Ages, hasn't it? Yeah. Sure. So eight years or something. Ages, isn't it? Yeah. Sure. So eight years, I feel like it's longer. 10, 20? 1,500 years. He's been at the Warriors since 4 BC.

Yep. He actually won the Golden Boot Award the year Jesus was crucified. So yeah, 4 BC. He's been around for years. He's been there for so long. Yeah. So he's leaving the Warriors. He had a year left on his contract,

but I'm guessing, you know, if you're done and you don't have the passion for the team, you're not going to play your best. So they just release you from the contract. I don't know how anyone can be a high profile sports player in New Zealand because even like after the last All Blacks loss,

you know, and even they won and that people are still laying into them. Do people forget that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose? I think so, yeah. And the losses make the win sweeter. We're like, ah, fire them all. Fire them all. Get rid of everybody.

Crucify them. And it's always old mate with a big bear gut saying, you know, this is how it should be done. Never played professional sports for anybody. Yeah, all right, mate. Yeah, he's got no idea what it's like. But he's been there for ages, and good luck to him, whatever he does. Yeah. I'm sure he'll get snapped.

Apparently, the Sharks. The Sharks. Okay. Not as good to say as the Warriors. The Sharks. Yeah, it's a bit hard. You start standing South African when you start saying Sharks. Where are they based?

Cronulla. Oh, yeah, okay. So it'd be a Sydney boy. Yeah, it would be. Based in Sydney. Well, I hope he finds some work because he's just built a beach house. I follow him on Instagram.

Does he? A lovely house. Him and Kayla Cullen have built a lovely house. If he's moving there to Sydney, to Cronulla, will that be free for like weekends? I hear what you're saying. I was there before you got there. Yeah, yeah.

Probably. That's why I've been following on my Instagram. Sure, it's probably best if you're listening, mate, but it's probably best you have someone in the house. You don't want it wrong.

Yeah, you don't want it, yeah, because like spiders and stuff might get in. Yeah, like house sitting. We can keep it clean. Do the gardens. Well, clean's a subjective term, but I like,

if I skid in the toilet, I'll scrub it away. I'll do that now. Yeah. I'm an adult now. I'm an adult now. I'm an adult now. I do that. I scrub away my poo skids if it's on the side of the toilet bowl.

I had to because my kids didn't, and then I was like, well, I've got to see an example. No, I've always scrubbed those away. My mum would drag you back in and embarrass you in front of the whole family. She didn't scrub away your skids. So the top six replacements for Sean Johnson at the Warriors. Number six, Scarlett Johansson. Stay with me.

They've got the same initials because his nickname's SJ. They're like, yeah, SJ's in fine form this week. And so they could just say, yeah, SJ's in fine form this week, and it would be Scarlett Johansson. Right, okay. Very little movement needed from the commentators there. I think she'd get paid more doing one movie than a whole league career.

Yeah, I know. She might want to switch it up. I know she might be ready for a challenge. She might be really good at league. Number five on the list of the top six replacements for Sean Johnson at the Warriors, Sean Bean ticks the Sean box. Okay. Right.

Sean Johnson, Sean Bean. This is, of course, Sean Bean that the Sean box. Okay, right. Sean Johnson, Sean Bean. This is, of course, Sean Bean that played Ned Stark famously. Ned got killed off in Game of Thrones, didn't he? Well, that's the problem. Not only is Sean spelt differently, but his character is likely to die before the end of the season. He dies in every movie. Everything.

He does. Great at dying, though. Yeah, he's very good. Phenomenal dyer. But let's give it a go. Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six replacements for Sean Johnson at the Warriors is Dwayne the Rock Johnson.

Same surname. Yeah. An absolute unit. And according to half the Samoan guys I know, related to them. So, you know, he'll slip right into the Warriors. No one would want to tackle him. No one. You'd try and you'd bounce off him.

He'd be so hard. Because he played NFL and he got an injury. That's what led him into wrestling. Right. He got a back injury and he couldn't do the head down charging thing anymore. They'd send him off for 10 minutes though for spearheading someone into the ground. Yeah, yeah. Clotheslines.

All the big hits. Rock, you can't do that here. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six replacements for Sean Johnson at the Warriors takes care of the eye candy component of losing Sean Johnson because he's a good looking dude. Undeniably. Hot.

You've got to... Okay. Yeah. Occasionally I'll tell you something about his Instagram. Occasionally he'll put up a topless picture. What? Occasionally he'll put up a topless picture. Why are you whispering?

You don't need to whisper I don't want him to know Okay Platonically though He'll put up a One of those ones where you look at another dude And you're like Damn I wish my rig had that set up

Hey but you're perfect the way you are I couldn't do those tattoos He probably wishes he had a sweet beard like you Or something you've got You know what? You know what? Yeah he can grow a beard But not with the fullness Not like you Thank you you've got. You know what? You know what? Yeah, he can grow a beard but not with the fullness.

Not like you. Thank you for making me feel better about myself. But to take care of the eye candy and also, what do you reckon? What do you got there? It looks like you've got

multiple topless people. Megan just showed me a photo of Sean Johnson and the lads topless and I just liked it. Is it an old one? It's from January. He's going to think you're perving.

Explain that one. Can I unlike it? Also, no, Orny, you can't do that. That'll set off more alarm bells. And also, Andy P might see that. Mr. Toyboy might see that and get jealous. He goes into activity and it's like, Megan Louise Pappas has liked,

and he'll be like, from January? Really, from January? The month we got married, Megan? I was so... Oh, great. Well, this takes care of the eye candy and the age old. Remember when everyone from rugby was going to rugby league? Yep.

Well, I'm proposing that the Warriors steal from South Africa, Damien D'Alande. Have you heard of him? No. He's a real cutie. I've got his Instagram up in here. Here he is. Look, here he is here.

He'd be right up Caitlin's alley. Right up. Do you want me to send you through this Instagram link? Is he South African? Yeah, South African. He plays for the South African rugby team. He's brought up my alley too. What's his last name?

Yeah, but you're already in enough trouble from this break. What is the time? Try to cut you some slack. He doesn't post as many. There he is playing golf in his knickers though. That's alright. In front of Tabletop Mountain. That's actually a nice photo. Yeah. Isn't it?

I mean, I don't know what the golf course's protocol is and just literally taking off your clothes right there and playing a hole in your undies. Sure. Better than playing with a hole in your undies. Sure. Better than playing with a hole in your undies. It's true. Yeah, there he is. So we could probably have him for the eye candy. Number two on the list

of the top six replacements for Sean Johnson at the Warriors is 1992 Vaughn Smith. I know it was a while ago, but this is when my sidestep peaked. Right. Okay. Never had a great dummy pass, but I had a great attitude and I was willing to learn. Now, if someone can amend a time machine and go back and get 10-year-old me, he'd be more than willing to give it a go.

Also, just probably pointing out that 10-year-old you didn't make any kind of representative grade. 10-year-old me was the last year I played rugby at primary school before being like, ouch. That actually really hurts. It really hurts. That really hurts. And why have we started to wear boots? Because that's another thing that can hurt me. I don't like this at all, but I had a good sidestep.

And the number one replacement for Sean Johnson at the Warriors, John Johnson. It's Sean Johnson in a disguise. He comes back with glasses and a moustache. He's like, hello, I'm John Shornson. I'm here to play for the Warriors. You look a lot like Sean Johnson. So I've been told. Anyway, pass me the ball and I'll do a kick.

And a run as well. And then a pass. Don't know why you said South African there. Yeah, but it happened. That is today's top six. So,

the Air New Zealand safety video, the latest one to come out, if you haven't seen it, apparently 20 million people have. So, it's back in the news

this week because politician Shane Jones laid into it. Yes, he did. Cringe worthy. I don't think he's wrong. It's not their best. I'm trying to be supportive because, you know, it's New Zealand made. It's got New Zealanders in it.

At least, someone made a good point, at least it's got like Kiwis in it. You know, they always pay a lot for overseas famous people. Yeah, sure. But then a lot of people have a problem with the fact that they're Kiwis rapping in American accents. I don't think they are. Has anyone ever really nailed rapping in the New Zealand accent?

Have you heard Australian rappers? Oh, so much worse. At least our rappers sound American. No, I don't think they do sound American. More American than like Kiwi. Yeah, but also everyone sounds the same when they sing. You don't think our rappers sound American. No, I don't think they do sound American. I think that's really harsh. More American than like Kiwi. Yeah, but also everyone sounds the same when they sing. You don't hear accents. True.

Bollywood. Or apart from Bollywood. Bollywood's the one. I talked about it. We had a lengthy discussion with friends once. When people are really into singing, you can't hear an English accent versus an American accent. Apart from if they say dance or dance.

Yeah. Even like Thai music. Yeah. The stuff that my father-in-law's had around before. I'm like, oh, what band is this? He's like, it's a Thai band. You can't tell. Right.

It just sounds American. Okay. Bollywood. The one. Yeah, true. That actually does sound different. You can hear accents coming through in the singing. That was what we decided.

That was our scientific... End of that. End of that really like drunken scientific chat that went for like two and a half hours. So another reason it's in the news this week, the Air New Zealand safety video,

is that somebody, an industry expert who makes these sorts of things, estimates the price at about two and a half million dollars. Well, Julian Dennison's in Deadpool too. He's been in Deadpool now. He wouldn't

have been cheap. But, I just want to play devil's advocate because that money went to like producers in New Zealand. It went to like Kiwi's girl makeup. They would have had to pay a heck of a load of money for Run DMC. So yeah, Run DMC, it's tricky.

That's the song that they use. So they would have had to have paid some royalties for that. But I mean, like, the creatives who are doing the filming and all of that, all those Kiwis got paid. So apparently a lot of the people, because heaps of extras in this video, a lot of them were just volunteers, people have said. They had to pay musicians to be in it, as you said, Julian Tennyson.

The fact that it was shot in Auckland, Wellington, Hokitika, Naseby, Ranfurly, Dunedin and Balclough meant there would have been heaps of travel with a lot of gear because you can't just pop into the Ranfurly. You'd need planes. Yeah. Ranfurly doesn't have a hiring department for its AV equipment. You can't just pick up a couple of 4K cameras when you get there.

Still though, when you think about that, you never think about how much it would cost to make something like that. Why do we always, I'm just annoyed that we pick holes in these things, though. Because people fly to New Zealand and in these videos, whether you think it's cringe or not, you get a big taste of New Zealand. You don't want people getting on a plane in LA or London and then that's their first impression. Cringe. No, but you think it's cringe.

Did they think it's cringe? See, I like the other one. They might think it's hokey. They might think it's hokey See, I like the other one. They might think it's hokey. They might think it's like hokey and cute. If they're like from Europe or America and they're getting on a plane, they might be like, hey, look at them, they're cute. Maybe in some of their past videos, but not this one. It's terrible.

I just think we need to calm our farms with like. My biggest problem with it was, and this sounds like, when I said this to Sade, she was like, you've got a point, but you sound like an 80-year-old. I was like, I can't understand what that, like easily understand what's being said. It's got written down below like what they're explaining. Let's be honest.

We've all got our headphones on and we're not watching it. Yeah, that's my other problem. Like internationally sure if you sit here and on the way back, but if you're flying domestically quite a bit, it's a lot to take in to get to Christchurch. There's been a delivery to work for one Megan Louisa Papadopoulos and Caitlin Jane Maurit. And, well.

Oh, Caitlin's mum will be listening too. We don't need to be ashamed. No, gosh, no. Don't be ashamed. I mean, I'm embarrassed, but not ashamed. So what did you guys get delivered? What was in the mail? A pen.

A festive package. And the festivities would be? AFTs. AFTs, that's Adult Fun Toys. Adult Fun Toys. Code that we've initiated here at the show. Yeah.

Through forward, this wasn't sent from just some like private creep that lives in Tikawe. Oh, no, no, no. This was sent from a proper company.

It's from a proper establishment. Some Christmas toys for adults to make the festive season more merry. Unbelievable that the guys didn't get to see anything.

What? James, wait, missing out. Anything you want? Hey, I don't know if I want to say that. I don't know, you're like, you're charged, you're like, hey! I want to say I've never gone down that road before, so hey, you know. Always open to it. Yeah, I know, exactly. You've got to say, I've never gone down that road before, so hey, you know.

Right, okay. Well, maybe you're young. I'm always open to it. Yeah, I know, exactly. You've got Google Maps, you might as well go for a look. Who's got James the Secret Santa? This could be a great award. Easy. He's into it.

Mind you, that would never cheat. Yeah, I don't want to cheat, man. I don't know what would happen if you might not come back out. What are we talking about here? It's one of those things you wouldn't cheap out on. No, you wouldn't. You'd want to go all the way. You don't want to shop.

Always use a safety string. Okay. Always. That's just my tip to you, James. To me? Yeah. I thought about a different sort of toy, not that sort of toy. Interesting that on the topic of male fun toys,

Fletch went straight for the back passage. Because there would be no difference. Correct me if I'm wrong. I'm not educated on the industry enough to know. But that would just be, you could use a female. Oh, look, I... Yeah, we'll get into that. But as you say, safety string, because how many times do you hear about people go to the ER because something goes I... Yeah, we get it. Let's not get into that. But I have to say, safety string,

because how many times you hear about people go to the ER because something goes up and they can't get it out. Exactly. How sexist, though. Sorry.

James and I didn't get a package of adult fun toys. Well, I could give you... No. Men are generally more satisfied in that scenario

than women are, I think. Yeah. Not speaking for myself, I'm very... Oh, no, it sounds like you are, I think. Yeah. Not speaking for myself, I'm very... Oh no, it sounds like you're speaking for me. There's no winning in this conversation. No, but you're right.

Male adult fun toys are such a taboo subject. Like, I bet there's people listening, females listening now that have one themselves. That's not taboo. So when you say male adult fun toy, they're like ugh. No, I just be like I just need details on what exactly that means.'s not true. When you say male adult fun toy, they're like, ugh. No, I just be like, I just need details on what exactly that means. But not now. Like what constitutes a, yeah, okay.

Thanks, babe. Thanks, babe. It's been explained. Okay. Put my coffee jar down. Wait. How dare you soil the Makona. Yeah, right. Not a jar. Okay. Okay. Anyway. Wait. How dare you soil the Makona. Yeah, right.

We're not a jar. Okay. Anyway. But see what I'm saying is taboo. We were talking

about dildos before. I made a gesture and everyone was like, nah. Yeah, but that was disgusting.

I didn't simulate it with myself. Oh, yeah, but like, because you don't need to because it's such a well-known thing that no charades is required. Oh, I'm sorry.

We just want some equality. Bring it to the next equality discussion. Put it on the agenda. We'll work on it. I'm willing to shut the gender pay gap ever so slightly in exchange for some sort of neutrality on this. You get your Viagra subsidised and we don't get our Tammies, so we'll work on that, shall we?

Nah, leave it as it is. An Auckland woman has written a message to the council because she is sick of the price of dog registration. It's just, that's life, isn't it? Don't get a dog if you can't afford it. Yeah, but why is it so expensive? Once they're chipped, it's just paperwork, right? Yeah, good point, actually.

It's $135. I was explained that, sadly, and it was someone who did animal control that told me this. Oh, yeah. The people who are responsible, good dog owners, who pay their registration are unfortunately just making up for people who are bad dog owners who either pay the registration

but don't look after their dogs. Yeah, right. Or just ignore it completely. Right. And their dogs are, you know, untraceable and they have to put all these hours into like tracking them and looking after them. So why don't you get a cat?

You don't have to register cats. I think cats should be registered. Rubbish. Cats should be registered because they are like... How many times does your cat bring in a bird and like, here you go, my dog has never done it? Yeah, but your cat's not allowed outside. Yeah, but no one likes sparrows anyway, Maggie. But see, maybe your cat could be an exemption because it never goes outside.

Yeah. No, but then it brings in a wax eye or something. But if it never goes outside. Yeah. No, but then it brings in a wax eye or something. But if it does go outside, well, kittens are slowly killing the West Auckland population of skinks. You know those little lizards? Oh, yeah. Kicks bring in the little lizards. Freaks the kids out.

The lizard's dropped its tail. I have to smack the cat on the head and get the lizard and go and put him under some bark in a safe hiding spot. It's quite like lizards. Well, this woman has written a message to let Auckland Council know about her dog, Letty. She says, hey, my dog decided today that she identifies as a cat. So I'm just letting you know, we won't be paying the $135 registration fee. Because it's a cat.

It means we're now officially exempt from the new law not allowing dogs on beaches from 10am till 7pm. Thank you. Because it's a cat. Oh my God. I can see this becoming a Hollywood movie. Quite the inspirational tale of a dog that became

a cat. Yeah. Okay. But also a little bit belittling a community that's struggling. Let's not forget that. But yeah. I do need to know why it's so expensive. And we also need to register cats. I know it's different depending on where you live. $135 in Auckland.

But you can be a responsible dog owner and it brings the price down if you get a responsible dog owner license. Yeah, you have to answer some questions. They come and look at your property. But then you pay less every year. Can my dog not be there when they come and look at the property? Because my property's sweet. It's the dog that's the issue.

Oh, Lulu. It's very jumpy. It's very excited. So this morning I was gymnasiuming. Okay. And I found myself at the end of the podcast I've been listening to. My Dad

Wrote a Porno Season 4. Oh, is that still good? So good. Is it? It's so ridiculous. At the gym I've been watching Making a Murderer Season 2. I've got half the last episode. It's so good. Oh, God. I've never... It's so good. At the gym, I've been watching Making a Murderer Season 2. I've got half the last episode. It's so good. Oh, my God.

It's good. We're talking true crime. We're talking podcasts. Yeah. So I get to the end of this podcast. I'm like, well, what am I going to do now? What am I going to listen to? And I thought...

It's always a hard place to be. Well, as a senior broadcaster, a pillar of the broadcasting community in New Zealand. Who? You? Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah. of the broadcasting community in New Zealand. Who, you? Yes. Okay. Yeah, yeah. There's four pillars of New Zealand broadcasting. Okay.

Hosking. Yeah. Smith. Yeah. Dallow. Yeah. And a woman. Megan Sellers.

Oh, my God. I just, I go to the end, it's like, I haven't said any woman, and I felt really bad. What about Hilbaz? Well, Hilbaz any woman and I felt really bad what about Hilbaz Hilbaz Hilbaz so you hit it with a woman for equality

I don't know who it is but a woman Hilbaz I panicked and then my mind went blank I couldn't have named a male broadcaster at that stage

so as one of the four horsemen of the New Zealand broadcasting scene I thought well it's it's almost my responsibility

to help out young broadcasters. So I put an air to a podcast called Girls on Top. Christ. You're not the target audience, Fletch. Featuring our very own Caitlin Mowreat. Now, can I just say, Caitlin, this podcast has been doing pretty well on the charts. Thank you, Fletch. Now, I don't think i am target market am i no i mean it's it's for everyone

but we do talk a lot about like periods and vaginas and stuff it's good i'm interested in that sort of thing it's guilty now it's you it's you being the father of two girls and i've got a wife i'm gonna i'm gonna have a lot of this on my hands. Oh, yeah, okay. Cool. So you're on this podcast with Brodie Kane. Yes, and Gracie Taylor. Yep. And, yeah, we just sit down and chat for like 40 minutes.

They do. Every week and just talk about things. You actually had the other pillar of the Hilary Barry on. Hilary Barry. We did, yeah. Last week. Yep. You can't call her a pillow.

She's an added extra. She would not stand for that. Well, sometimes a building needs another pillow, Megan, and additional architectural strength. Because they put a dick on. Or a dick. I'm the dick they put on the building. So they needed an extra pillow.

So what's your point, Vaughn? Not as in the appendage, but as in like an insult to myself. I'm trying to make myself bring back down to your levels. Now, my point is 17 minutes and 30 seconds into this Girls on Top podcast. The girls, to bring you up to speed with the chat. Yeah. The chat is talking about careers and how people don't really know. It's not a bad thing to finish high school and not know what you want to do with your life.

That's fair. They're talking about everything they want to do and Caitlin's talking about how when she was at high school she believed she was going to be a teacher. That was at the very end when I was like,

I was applying to be a teacher. Like, I was doing all of that. So that was at the very end of school. So don't give up hope that like these things don't just like flick and happen. You would be a great teacher though. I would be.

Do you actually think? Yeah. I'd pretty much teach teaching my job now hey miss merritt stop oh oh what i pretty much teach in my job now hang on hang on let me explain who are you teaching oh my god why are you teaching no no no no you got the wrong end of the stick wait i said that wrong oh my god i can't believe i said that okay let me explain no no you're the wrong end of the stick. Wait, I said that wrong. Oh, my God, I can't believe I said that. Okay, let me explain. No, you're the teacher, so of course you should do the explaining. No, I was meaning that. We're just here to learn.

We're just here to learn from you. Need of speech. Okay, what I meant was that I spend most of my day yelling and screaming at you three children. Oh, would we say three? I don't know any teachers. Would you three children oh would we say three any would we say three would we say three oh my god no these two children two children thank you arguing with you just to do your bloody work just to do what i ask of you and she's not wrong that's what i did oh and it sounded like I don't teach you anything.

It sounded like, yeah, okay. So, I mean, she does instruct you every single day and you don't listen. So in some ways, I guess she is a teacher. More of a drill sergeant. More of a mum. I don't know what to do next because I'm learning you're waiting to be taught first of all

put your microphone back on the table Vaughn you're just being stupid okay gosh what next I don't know let's play a song or something

okay and then what are we going to do after that you're so facetious you little shit miss what are we doing after that I'm not

you ruin my life every day Vaughn you honestly ruin my life. Should we tell everybody what I did before? Yes. Yeah, should we tell everybody what I did before? I've turned Caitlin's microphone off. Okay.

I won't say. Oh, no, I need to say names to explain why the joke was funny. No. Yeah, do, do. No, I'm. You're ruining my life. You are ruining my life. Just stop.

Okay, no names. No names. Warren. Warren. Just stop. Don't you bloody do it. Say, but don't say the name. I don't know how to say it without saying the name.

It needs the context of who this person is. No, you can do it. Okay. I got on Caitlin's phone and I messaged someone she's been messaging on Instagram, a boy. I only messaged him for the first time yesterday. And I got a great joke in. And then she freaked out. You're the worst human.

And this is why I'm so single. It's your fault. In all seriousness, your podcast is bloody good. Thank you. It's really good. Thanks. If you could tell us how to do a good podcast, it would also be great.

Because I don't know. Can you tell me how to press this next song off? Because I've forgotten. Oh, my God. I don't know. Teacher, can I go to press this next song off because I've forgotten. Oh my God. I don't know. Teacher, can I go wheeze? Give her a compliment and then you shoot it down again.

Do we have to ask in this class or can I just do the T sign? I hate you. Signore them, Caitlin. I'm busting. Summer's coming and it's been revealed that it's a good what?

Friday, Saturday, the first day of summer. Oh yeah. First day of December. Not officially but that's's a good what? Friday, Saturday, the first day of summer. Oh, yeah. First day of December. Not officially, but that's what we all say. So the climate scientist dudes and dudettes, but dudes, I really included females in that,

they've given a 50-50 chance of New Zealand enjoying a typical summer. Oh, sit on the fence with your forecast. Hotter than normal. No, but they said that, but then they've said, so we will get a long lingering El Nino, which is the fence with your podcast. Hotter than normal. No, but they said that but then they've said, so we will get a long lingering El Niño, which is the good one, right? Warm. That's warm. Because that's Spanish for the boy and the

girl, right? El Niño. El Niño. El Niño. La Niña and El Niño. So why does the girl have to be the dumb one? The girl's not the dumb one. It's rain and cold. No, it's not cold. It's...

Rainy. Is it? Is that the... I know it's a little rainier, but then that's good over summer because if it gets too droughty, you get a whole lot of problems. Right.

Oh, well, I wasn't, like, going into, like, what would be good for farmers. No, I'm not even thinking farmers. I'm telling water supplies. Oh, yeah, that's right. You know, people who grow things through living.

So El Nino will linger around in the coming months and between now and the end of February, temperatures across the country are likely to be equal or near above average. Oh, that's great news. Rainfall will be normal on the South Island and the North Island it will be below average. So less rain.

Right, do we have a forecast yet for the 16th of February for ZM's float with Tip Top Trumpet? No, but I guess we could say less rain and maybe above average temperatures. Brilliant. I'm a forecaster now.

Is Bill Hoheap still doing the Maldi fishing calendar? Always loved, I hate fishing as you know, I'm no fan of a boat, but I always like

looking at that and being like, oh, Mum and Dad had a calendar that would have like a big fish on it or a little fish or just a fish outline

and the fish outline meant it wasn't going to be a good day. Did they ever fish? No, no, no. Dad talked about fishing. He really liked fishing but he'd maybe go fishing

like once every two years. Right, okay. Spy is on the way. Travis Scott shares the cutest video of Stormy and Kylie drops a mega hint. Details next. So,

I don't want to call myself a influencer but I'm going old school. This is in-person influencing. Okay. Word of mouth. Right. So Megan's had a sore back. What's the issue?

You had a sore back. Yeah, I've been using my back as a crane, essentially. Oh, always bending the knees. I've had a twitch in my back. Yeah. There's been a twitch. She's been saying, I've got a sore back. I've seen a physio. Yeah. And been a twitch, she's been saying I've got a sore back And I said

You need to go see Anne Anne Immediately that sounds like a bit weird You need to go see my Anne So and Megan's like Tell me more about Anne And I say well Anne is A magician

She's a masseuse? Anne is a, yes, a masseuse, but she's a magician. She does things to the body. Is she better than Meow? Remember Meow? Yeah, I do remember Meow. She was great. Had like bars on her ceiling and she'd walk on your back.

That's right. Meow was good. I didn't go to Meow as much as Anne. And I think that speaks highly of Anne. I just loved it because she had a little business card that had a little cat on it. I was like, and her name was Meow. This is cute.

This is Meow. So Anne, I just stumbled across because it opened in my neighbourhood and I was like, I've got a bit of a sore neck. I'm going to go see Anne and I went in

and I walked out. I was walking on air. I felt two inches taller. Did you feel taller? I did. Yeah. There's nothing better than when you get a massage

and they just not, you don't even tell them what's wrong and they just find it. They zone feel taller? I did. Yeah. There's nothing better than when you get a massage and they just not, you don't even tell them what's wrong and they just find it. They zone in. That's Anne. Anne followed me down the hallway to the massage room. And when I lay down, she's like,

I know what's wrong because I followed you down the hallway. I was like, what? And she's like, and she just got her finger and just poked it into my back. Yeah.

And was like there, right? And I was like, yeah. She just knew. And she's like there, right? And I was like. Yeah. And she just knew. And she's like, and this, she said, you think it's in your neck, but it's here and pushed another part. And I was like.

I was like. It's working. It's right down your back. It goes up to your neck, doesn't it? I know. Yeah. It's like the actual problem could be further away from where you're feeling the pain. Anyway, I've actually must go to Anne again soon.

Okay. Right. I've been going on the weekly. Okay. Great stuff. Yeah, right. Feel a million bucks afterwards. So I said to Megan, you've got to try my Anne.

I'm going to try my Anne. And it turns out her name's Anna, but, you know, these things aren't important. I was going to say, her name's Anna, but that's just typical Vaughn. Do you know what? It's in the name of the business. The name of the business is on the front. It says Anna. Anna's reflexology.

Yeah. It's one of those things that I'm okay to tell one or two people, but I don't want to go too nuts. Yeah, right. The other good thing about Anne, drop in unannounced. Anna. Right, okay. I'm just going to stick with Anne.

It's been too long. The other good thing about Anne is you just drop in unannounced. There's always an appointment. Right. And I'm worried now that if we tell too many people about Anne is you just drop in and announce there's always an appointment. Right. And I'm worried now that if we tell too many people about Anne. She'll be busy. Yeah, she'll be too busy. I'll drop in and she'll be like, Mr. Smith can't see you right now.

I'm packed. And I'll be like, I've done this to myself. And by the way, my name's Anne. Anne. Anna. But under Vaughan's recommendation, I was like, I am not going to tell her what's wrong. And she didn't ask. Did not ask.

And then she found it. Not only did she find my sore back, she found pressure points in my hip. Just one hip. From the hip replacement? That Megan didn't tell her about it? Not a hip replacement. A hip fixing?

Yeah. Didn't tell her about that. And I was like, oh, that's sore. And then remember when I hurt my knee when I fell off the bike that was stationary? Like it was yesterday. Yeah.

She found my sore knee too. Yeah. Without being told I felt I need to go see Anne You need to go see Anne I felt like a changed woman When I walked out

Did you get some lemon ginger tea On the way out Oh so good What am I talking about So good Oh what a touch What a touch What a touch on the way out

I would like to know Don't bother asking where this is Because I'm not going to tell you All those From the clues we've given I'm pretty sure You'll be able to work it out If you really want to go and see my Anne.

Anna. Anna. Anne. Throw them off the trail. Anne. Anne. I would love to know when you've made a killer recommendation to a friend. Maybe you've got that killer recommendation that, you know,

you always pull out for free. Maybe you told your friends two years ago about this amazing TV show and you're like, man, it's good. It's really gripped me. And then two years later, they actually listened and watched it. Oh, no, somebody else told us. Yeah, watched it and then told you how good this TV show was. Megan gets so upset because she always claims to tell us about these TV shows that she's watched years ago.

I told you about Marcella two years ago. And now Fletcher's like, Megan, have you seen Marcella? It is simply the best. It's really good. Have you seen it? It's so good. Oh, for your recommendation, it's on my to-watch list. Because you recommend a good TV show.

Apart from Designated Survivor. Oh, first season was good. That was a turd in a handbag. No good. All right, so 0800 dials it in. You can text 9696 We want to know Your killer recommendations

What's your go to recommendation And when you You recommend it to a friend And then you get to Bathe in the glory afterwards Was I right Did I tell you Did I tell you

FGM We're talking about When you've made a killer Recommendation To friends Or family And everyone So good that they come back to you And they're like You're on the money Life changing And then you get to go Did I tell you when you've made a killer recommendation to friends or family and everyone comes, it's so good that they come back to you

and they're like, you're on the money. Life changing. And then you get to go, did I tell you? Yeah. Why did I tell you? I think it's that feeling that,

because you know, I use websites like TripAdvisor and that quite a bit. Yeah. But I never ever write reviews. I'm guessing it's that feeling that all those people that write reviews get.

Oh, I love running a review on TripAdvisor and someone's like, great review, thank you so much. Oh, no, it makes you feel good, doesn't it? Then you get little badges and stuff. It's like a video game, but helping people. Yeah. Sure.

I know. Not killing them, like in most video games. Yeah. So we're talking about those recommendations, some text messages, and I found an eyebrow lady who does the best threading for $5 at this random hole in the wall place. Where?

Exactly. Now, they don't go on to say, and this is why. I work in a large teleco company, and I told people, and now I can hardly get a booking because I've told too many people about it. And she's always busy. Look, there's sparks across the road. It could be them. It could be them, giant teleco.

There could be a place around here, Megan, that'll do $5 threading. Okay. You have to get back to them. Can they just tell me? Just text back and tell me. Just one person. Someone said, I recommend everyone my hairdresser. She has eight new clients from me.

Yeah. And who knows if they've recommended people. I feel like I should be getting some sort of discount. Yeah. Can everyone stop going to my hairdresser, please? But again, same thing. You'll try to get an appointment and all your friends have got them. Yeah, that's my problem with my hairdresser.

She's great. But she's all right. I told everybody about my Botox lady and how well-priced she is. Now she's overbooked and her prices have raised. No Botox for me this side of Christmas. She raised her prices on you. At least you can express your disappointment of not being able to get a Botox appointment

because you can start to feel your muscles again. You can furrow a brow. All your friends are like, oh, my God, it's terrible news. Oh, terrible news. My husband's left me just before Christmas. Stacey, what's your killer recommendation? Hey, I get cupping and the Chinese medicine gouta. So, because at the swimming pool, I see people that have had cupping,

and it looks like big hickeys. Sonny Bill gets cupping, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It looks like you've been kicked by a horse. Is that sore when you actually get it done? It's just a weird feeling.

Right. Like, it pulls up the muscle and creates space. Right. So, by the time you leave, you feel amazing, but you do end up with bruises and stuff, but it totally works. Okay. Okay, and you recommend this to everybody? Everyone Because I'm a yoga teacher as well And I do it with everybody

And they're all like, nah, I don't want it, it hurts I kind of tend to trust a yogi Because they're so flexible and stuff It's so good, it's better than a massage Anyway, I don't like being touched Well you need to go see Anne. She sounds like she

knows how to touch. Anne, but she touches hard. Oh, yeah, right. She's not shy. She is not shy about getting an elbow in your groin.

Thanks for your call, Stacey. Victoria, what's your killer recommendation? Oh, Kindles. I put a lot of people on to Kindles and they've

never looked back. Because I've people onto Kindles and they've never looked back because I've got a Kindle and I love it especially when you're travelling you don't have to have a massive book you go hiking

stay in the huts you've got a little Kindle yeah it's good for that I would love you Victoria to try and convince Megan because I have tried I like to hold the books and I like to physically

be able to see how much I've got left to read you know it's just it's a good book. Everyone says it, but once you've used the Kindle, you just don't go back. Well, I've used one. It's a paper-white version.

You don't keep your partner up at night with the light on. Oh, I don't care about that. You can wake up in the middle of the night and read a Kindle. You can do it anywhere. It's brilliant. And what about all the... People who say that have never used a Kindle. No, I've used a Kindle.

I've used one. Megan just hates rainforests, Victoria. Oh. And she basically wants global warming to happen faster. She's a huge fan of palm oil, too. Oh, okay. No, you've converted me with that. She likes her books printed in the blood of a Sumatran tiger.

Oh, God. Victoria, thanks for your call. Some other recommendations people are messaging in. Somebody said, my vodka and peach-fl flavoured iced tea is an absolute game changer. People always say to me, now that's a delicious beverage and they're into it. So they're always recommending her. You put vodka with peach iced tea? Huh?

What? Vodka and peach iced tea. And peach iced tea. But that's, iced tea's got a lot of sugar in it. You don't realise that. You can get the low sugar iced tea. Okay. Here's one.

Someone said, my killer recommendation is a fail safe cure in it. You don't realise that. You can get the low sugar ice tea. Okay, here's one. Someone said, my killer recommendation is a fail-safe cure for hiccups. Oh, okay. Get someone to stand behind you and block your ears while you scull the largest glass of water you can in one go. 100% of the time it works, they're gone as soon as the glass is finished. Do you know if you just take deep breaths,

like just take real deep breaths, then they go away? No, I'm trying this next time. Because you get hiccups, like just take real deep breaths, then they go away? No. I'm trying this next time. Because you get hiccups every now and then. I do, yeah. Put a spoon in your mouth. Next time, I'm going to stand behind you and block your ears.

Okay, and we'll do a water. How would you like your ears blocked? Fingers straight in the air, or do you want me to use the bit just in front of your ear to push that into your ear? No, just ear buffs. Please use the pan of your... Oh, the pan of that.

The palm of your hand, yeah. I was going to say, that's not called the pan of your hand. As you said, that doesn't feel 100% right. Some other text messages in. Somebody said, I recommend organic muscle rub to friends. I got sent some of this. Okay. And it is good.

It's orange. Very vibrantly orange. Yeah, that's it. You found it. See how brightly orange that is? It's not recommended you put a white shirt on straight afterwards or sleep on white sheets. 100% active ingredients. I don't know what that means.

Okay. I don't know if there's any science behind it, like cupping and stuff, but it feels good. What are the ingredients doing in there that aren't active? I don't know. Chilling. Yeah, just. What's the point of that? I'm just on your body doing nothing.

Thanks. Cool. You just rubbed me on for no purpose. Like banana boat sunscreen. That stuff sucks. And somebody said, and this is a very interesting one, I've recommended the brothel I work at to three other working girls. Oh, yeah.

Because of the safe conditions and how well I'm looked after. And four other people have started working there, but the problem is now I don't get as many bookings. It's like recommending anything. Yeah. You've got to be wary of the fact that it's limited. Yeah. All right.

That out of the way, we need to talk next, after we come back with the news and stuff, about probably the most embarrassing moment of my life yesterday. Oh, I don't even want to talk about it. It's weird that everyone's embarrassed and I'm not and I should be apparently. Vaughn is the one that should be embarrassed. We can't talk about this.

We can't talk about this. No, we're talking about this. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. You were the only one laughing. I was mortified. I wanted to dig a hole and just bury myself. And that's saying something, Bourne. It's almost as funny remembering it.

Anya's laughing. She's loving it. If Fletch wanted to bury his head, that's saying something. Okay, we'll talk about that. Yesterday, the most embarrassing thing happened. I'm not at the stage where we can laugh about this yet. I'm not even joking. I can't believe we're talking about this.

I can't. Yeah, okay, go on. So after the show yesterday, a group of broadcasting school students came in to the studio for a look. Actually, you know what? I'm with Megan now. Let's not talk about this. No, I'll talk about it.

So they came in and they lined up. They come in often and and ask questions and stuff. And lovely students. Yeah. And we're supposed to be making a good impression, right? We're supposed to pretend like we're really good at our job and we know what we're doing. And I always show, I stand behind the desk

and I show all the buttons and the screens. I don't really think he has to do. Fletch has a really good chat that he does. He does. It's the same spiel every time it's well rehearsed. It's good. It's good stuff. We must have done it like a hundred times. Yeah he does. He does. It's the same spiel every time. It's well rehearsed. It's good. It's good stuff. We must have done it like a hundred times.

Yeah. And it's good. It's interesting. And people come in and they don't know what a radio station is. We hope it's interesting. And you run through all the stuff. It's all going well. I'm doing the spiel.

I don't know what to do with myself in these meetings. I find myself at a loss. It's very hard to explain genius. I was sitting there like cracking funnies, eh Fletch? I was like trying to be relatable cracking funnies. Vaughn just had his feet up on the desk. Leaning back, not saying anything. As I get older, I'm getting way worse

in group scenarios too. In public, you don't like the public. I don't like being, generally not. You don't like me out and stuff. Now is a good time to say, because someone came up to me and said that they met you two and that Fletch was really talkative and Vaughn didn't say a word. I don't really say much.

As weird as and hard as it is to believe, I don't have a lot to say. He's quiet. Yeah. I'm introverted. I don't really even like going out. Get him on the radio. He's like...

If you see him in the wild, he's quiet, but he's not a true mean arsehole. I'm moving to the country tomorrow so I don't have neighbours. I'm slowly isolating myself. It's weird. It's what my family do when you get older. On both sides of my family

you just slowly isolate yourself. It's weird. It's a genetic thing. Are you a doomsday prepper? I'm becoming one, yeah. But I can't tell you anything about it

because I don't want you turning up on Armageddon wanting a handout. You want to shoot us away from your property. I know we were friends once but there's only so much tinned beans down here. So Vaughan's just quietly sitting there.

So I'm just sitting there. Now, as the students are lined up and they're standing there, one student, obviously the matriarch of the group, walks around to the opposite side of the desk. No, it's not the matriarch. They're very enthusiastic. Super enthusiastic. Yeah, sure side of the desk. No, it's not a matriarch. They're very enthusiastic. Super enthusiastic. Yeah, sure.

Like the top. Yeah. Picking order. Kind of like leads the charge. You know there's always a student that leads the charge. Yeah, sure. So the student who leads the charge comes around and stands right beside Fletch. I liked it.

It was a power play. And said, so Fletch, tell me what happens here. And I was like, is this a tutor? Because this was very forward. Right. You've got to be. You're right though. No one ever comes around.

No one ever comes around that side of the desk. I think they read the body language of a guy that doesn't like people in this personal space. But who do you remember out of that group of people? Exactly. The person that came around. She was making, yeah, she was making an impression. And I was like, this is good move from her. She's showing some enthusiasm.

Maybe she wants a job. It's what you do. I know for a fact you don't like people in your personal space. I've known you for years, but if we sat down, I still wouldn't sit next to you on a couch. Because I actually think I saw you flinch a little bit. I saw her hard flinch and then that side of his body went tight. But even if I'm like meeting people and they're huggers,

I'm always like, are we hugging? Are we doing a handshake? And I'm always a bit. Oh, there's only, I would say, two, maybe three people that are on hugs on greeting terms with you. Very, very close friends. Well, you're just weird with people. Listen to us.

We all sound like we're introverted weirdos. Yeah, we are. I'll talk and I'm a hugger. Yeah, Megan's a hugger. Yeah. So Fletch is, like, I can tell he's uncomfortable because someone's in his space. But I didn't have a problem with it. No, no, no.

But I was, sure. It's at this stage that I see Megan's got her laptop open. Yeah. And Fletch's laptop is open and his phone's on the desk. So I think I can't send them a message about the body, about Fletch being uncomfortable because someone might see it. So I know who's going to appreciate this, the producer's booth. So I open up Facebook Messenger and I select Anya, Caitlin and James

and I send them a message going, check out the one that's right in Fletch's personal space. Ha, ha, ha. He's absolutely hating it because we are aware that Fletch hates the invasion of his personal space. Is that verbatim what you wrote? Is that verbatim? That's pretty much what I wrote, eh?

I think that's exactly what I wrote. I feel like you're paraphrasing a little bit. Well, anyway. I can put a screen cap up. Well, Megan and I are entertaining the radio students and giving them a thrilling discussion about what happens. I'm chilling because I don't really have anything to do. So I jump in later.

So I'm like, boom, send. waiting for the producers to message me back. It's at that stage, the laptop sitting beside me, plugged into the big TV we have in studio, goes ding, and I look across and my message that I've sent to the producers is now taking up half the screen of one of our 50-inch televisions on the wall that Fletch then says, and if you just look at the screen, this is how our day works. So they all look and there's my message taking up half the screen,

literally saying, check out the one, all in Fletch's personal space. Ha, ha, ha. He absolutely hates that. Oh, my God. I wanted to die. Oh my god. And I'm like that'll disappear soon. It does not disappear. Why didn't you

get rid of it? So then and what I would say is the least seamless thing ever decides to block half the screen with his body. So he moves it to the screen and he's like, oh, if you look over there, just look over there for a minute.

I'm like, that's not disappearing. So I was like, I'll take care of it on the laptop. You are terrible. I scooch in front of the laptop. That's not a laptop I'm used to using. And I'm like, how does this work? It's not a Mac. Disables the comments box.

And they all saw it. They all saw it, except, I think, her. I don't know if she did. She was too close for me. Horrible moment. You talk about Vaughn being not subtle. You bloody turned around to the producers and were laughing. So then I start getting text messages straight to my phone

from the producers both. Caitlin's like, I've got to leave. Caitlin walked out. She couldn't handle how awkward it was. I was like mortified. I was crying laughing so fast. I've got a text message from Anya on my phone that is just like, ha, ha, ha, ha, like a million pages long.

Just like, what do we do? What do we do now? And I turn around and look and she's crippled over the desk. Caitlin's left because she's crying. James just pressed the button on his chair to make it sink lower. I just didn't want to look in the studio. I just tried to find work to do. You are a terrible person, Paul Smith.

I was like, oh, well, these things happen. And I like, I had this big stupid grin on my face for the rest of the time they were in here. Quite a few of them saw it.

And then when they were leaving the studio, the last guy to leave said to me, it's quite important to log out of Facebook if you're going to send messages that come up

on your Instagram. Sass. He's a bad man. To which I was like, so, we live and we learn. You're a bad man To which I was like So we live and we learn You're a bad man And then they left and Fletcher was like I can't believe

You did that to me It was funny and everybody No one talked to me for the rest of yesterday You're a bad human I told my wife and she was just like i can't believe you're not mortified i was like what's to be mortified about it's all right yeah but it wasn't you oh just unbelievable so just know that if you meet us and you stand too close to fletch i'll be laughing and also probably sending it to other people. Caitlin, can you turn off those stupid

notifications? Like, it's funny when a boy messages you from Tinder and it pops up and we can all laugh, but not when it's... I don't know how to do it. It's just automatic. I don't even think my Facebook was up. It just happened. Stop sending those messages, Maud. Yeah, that's not the point.

Alright, next on the show we're going to try our hand at some NCEA exams. I'd relive it today if I was given the opportunity. It was so good how uncomfortable everybody was. Let's get to them. Today, an NCEA. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss.

Morning. Miss. Good morning, Kla. Miss, my brother said he saw you at the pub last night. Well, I wasn't at the pub, so... Where were you, though, last night? Just, you know... Miss, this is your last exam supervision.

Are you having a blowout tonight? No. We have prize giving tomorrow. And I can't be hung over for that. We have prize giving? Yes, we do. Yes. We'll see who's actually giving. Yes, we do. Yes. We'll see who's actually passed, shall we?

Okay. Okay. So concentrate today, please. So second to last day today of NCEA exams. Yes. The exams today are Level 1 Accounting, Level 1 Dance, Level 2 Tadeo Rangitiri, Level 2 Latin, Level 2 Classic Studies, Level 3 Japanese,

Level 3 Spanish and Scholarship German. Quite a few that we've done but at different levels. and level two classic studies. Level three Japanese, level three Spanish and scholarship German. Quite a few that we've done, but at different levels. Okay, so what have you got on? We're going to try some questions today. Today we are doing level one accounting. Use your name as your buzzer. Okay.

What is the meaning of equity? The equity of something. Yes. Born. Assets. How much? Equity. How much of a asset you own compared to debt?

No. It's... Yeah, no. Does anyone else want to have a go? Nah. Are we specifically talking about equity on a mortgage? Well, you would say because it's, I've just Googled, it's the difference between the value of the assets

and the value of the liabilities of something owned. So that would be, a debt would be a liability, right? Okay, whatever. Just, yeah. I don't know. There's two things I'd like to point out here. You called yourself a teacher on your podcast and you said you're a teacher every day at your job.

It's more like... And then Fletch is cheating by Googling before he's even buzzed. That's what Vaughn said. Oh, okay. Yeah, come on. The definition in front of her is kind of what you see there. It's big words like liabilities and stuff. Okay.

So liabilities is like a debt. That would be your mortgage to the bank versus what your house has increased by since. Okay. Thank you for claiming the equity of what you... I don't feel the student should be helping you with the marking. I'm sure that happens at school as well. Yeah. Okay.

Scholarship German. Now, don't play that audio just yet. I'm giving you a piece of paper And I need you to Open or not open? Open it and tell me what that word is Read it out in German Streichholz Do I buzz in?

Yeah, buzz in Warn Streichholz Starchtel Streichholz Starchtel Blitz, you want to give it a go? Strike holshtachtel.

That was pretty good. Megan? Strike holshtachtel. Strike holshtachtel. Strike holshtachtel. If you sound angry, that doesn't just mean you're speaking German, boy. You're also saying the word matchbox, so you wouldn't be, like, angrily yelling that. No, if you want to light a fire, it's freezing cold.

Let's hear it. Oh, I said satchel, yeah. Okay, so we all got that wrong, didn't we? But I get points for our local dialect. Yay! But I get points for local dialect. Yay. Okay. And finally, level one dance. Vaughn, I've just passed your bag.

That doesn't look like much in the bag. I'm not going to fit these. Yeah, no. Are these tap shoes? They're tap shoes. Oh, my God. I used to lie at primary school and say that I was a tap dancer because everyone was doing ballet and I wanted to be different.

Aw, well today you can prove it. No, I never was. They're not going to fit you, Vaughn. I feel like the ugly stepsister. Sorry, we only had one pair. So if the boys could use their hands and demonstrate, we need a performance. That means I'm Cinderella because they'll fit me.

So Vaughn, you first, please. You could go to the tap pad, which I believe is a table turned upside down. That would explain why that's in here. Okay. All right, ready when you are.

That sounds like multiple builders building, hammering nails. Very aggressive. I call this tap performance the walk out to the beginning of the Melbourne Cup. Yes, yes, yes. Okay. Well done. Brilliant, yes. Okay. Well done.

Brilliant, brilliant. Thanks. Very good from you. I thought tap shoes actually had a little thing in them that like tapped together. You can do, you have to do it so that it, you, I think you go ball. Heel toe, heel toe. Yeah, heel toe and then it makes that sound. I always thought they had a little clicker on the bottom.

No. All right, Fletch. I mean, people on this thing can't see the look on your face, but I think he was a real salesmanship. This is stupid. Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. Okay, he's given up. He's packed a big sack.

Yeah, if you pack a sock, you don't get a point for that, Fletch. You gave up. Never give up. Just not, I can't even dance. Cinderella slips the shoe straight off. Guys, I think this is so cooling. If someone was just looking at the bottom half of you, they could

assume you were a nun. Under his eye. Take it away. I'm going to call this rain on the roof. Oh, yeah. Okay. Cross, it sounds heavier than rain. Did you say it sounds like heavy rain? Yeah, it sounds like heavy rain.

That's what I said, yes. You really used your arms as well, Megan. Yes. I made a whole dance out of it. That's okay. You did too. You actually did sound like a rain on the roof. Miss, who won? Megan.

Star. Thanks. Okay. Not even angry. Brilliant. We did get the equity question right. Can I keep these shoes? No, we have to take them back.

Oh. Okay. But, yeah. Well done, everyone. Oh, okay. But, yeah. Well done, everyone. So what happens tomorrow at prize giving? Who's won this? Well, I'll tell you tomorrow. Oh, are you going to tally up who got the most points?

I am. Fact of the day is about shoes. Remember I promised this yesterday, but put it to the side just for a moment to pay homage. To SpongeBob. To the SpongeBob creator who passed away. So this is about shoes, and I had no idea about this. Do you consider yourself much of a shoe historian, Megan? Do you know much about the history of shoes? Nah. I remember those real tight shoes I had no idea about this. Do you consider yourself much of a shoe historian, Megan? Do you know much about the history of shoes? Nah.

I remember those real tight shoes they had to wear. Or when they bound their feet. We learned about that at the museum. What? Who had to wear the tight shoes? You talk about when they bound their feet to make their feet appear smaller. Who was that? China, I believe. It was more attractive and feminine to have small feet. Yeah, sure, small feet.

Not the grotesque big flipper feet. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is before 1850, there was no difference between a left shoe and a right shoe. They were straight shoes. Okay. Really? That would make stealing them easier.

Yeah, I know. That's how they stopped people stealing shoes at shoe stores. They only put like one left foot or something. I know. So they had two widths to a shoe. There was like a basic shoe and a slim shoe. Okay. And that was all that really changed between the soles of shoes.

Right. There was no difference in shape between the left and the right. Right, but you could just go skinny or wide. Yeah. Okay. And apparently the shoemaking hand tools were pretty much the same as they were from Egypt right through to 1850. Okay.

You just cut the same thing out, you use the same, you use a hammer. Yeah. Same pin, same situation. Not much changed in like nearly 2,000 years. And now it's crazy. So what happened when they were like, okay, we need to change it? I can't tell you what spurred.

Oh, I thought that's where you were headed. But even like, because listening to that Business Wars podcast of Nike versus Adidas, it's like crazy to hear them talking about like people playing basketball, even in the 70s or 80s with like Chucks. Chuck Taylors, yeah.

Like Chuck, high top Chuck Taylors were the best athletic shoe on offer. Yeah, you couldn't get better. And even running shoes were pretty basic, going back. Yeah.

So in the last like 30 years, it's come like leaps and bounds. Yeah, the guy that started Nike, didn't he do his first rubber sole in a waffle iron for grip? That's right.

In a track race. He was like, I just need something with a bit of a pattern on it to provide extra grip. And he made it in a waffle iron And then cut it to the shape Of the shoe

And that's kind of How that all started Crazy Yeah so Today's fact of the day Is prior to 1850 There was no difference In a right shoe

And a left shoe Fact of the day Day Day Day Day I doodly Doodly

Doodly Doodly Doodly Doodly Doodly Doodly Doodly Doodly There is a woman who has spent three months in jail in the US for candy. Candy, oh, yum. This was a complete... Can you, is it possible, I'm just in the minute that I heard the word candy, I simply must hear Mandy Moore's song Candy. I think you're talking about Christina Aguilera, Candyman.

That's better. Candyman's okay, but Mandy Moore's Candy is an absolute... Like I'm missing you like candy. It was a pivotal moment for me. Yeah, right. I feel like that's not going to interrupt me as much as Candyman would as well. Yeah, because I'll lose myself in that. It unleashes something within Vaughan.

Does the company not have Mandy? I would have searched by Mandy Moore. Well, I'm searching now by Mandy Moore, aren't I? You searched by title. Okay, here we go. Candy, I've found it. Yes, thank you. Okay, stand by.

Give it to me. Yay, yay. Okay. Thanks for this. Carry on. You're welcome. Thanks for indulging me. So, she got pulled over initially because the police thought her car's tints were too dark.

Okay. So she's pulled over and they said, can we search the vehicle? She was like, what? I mean, I don't have anything to hide. If I was a cop, I'd be pulling over anybody that had dark tints because what you got in there, buddy? Yeah. And are they allowed to just like look in your vehicle? They've got to have probable cause, don't they, in America?

Your tints are too dark. So the tints. Is that vehicle? They've got a probable cause, don't they, in America? When you tins it, who does? So the tins. They pull you over to test it. Right, okay. So she's like, yeah, you can search my car. There's nothing in here. Yeah. And that's when they found a clear plastic bag inside a jar.

Now, inside the jar in the bag was a light blue substance, which they say was in a spherical shape. Oh, meth. So they took it and tested it. Yeah. And it came back positive for meth. So she spent three months in prison the whole time telling them it was candy floss.

Now it has been revealed. Yeah. So it was, you know how they wind candy floss up in a... Yeah. So it was in like a tight spherical. She hadn't finished eating it, and so she had it in the car. Right. She maintained the whole time that it wind candy floss up in a... Yeah. So it was in like a tight spherical. She hadn't finished eating it and so she had it in the car. She maintained the whole time that it was candy floss and they've tested it again and been like,

I don't know where we got the meth results from. It's definitely candy floss. Because candy floss is just sugar, right? With food colouring it. And it heats it up. Yeah, and it comes out all like a spider's web. But then if it stays in there for a while, would it crystallise again?

Have you ever seen what happens to candy floss when it gets moist? Oh, I know it kind of disappears, doesn't it? Yeah, it melts if you put it in water. But if it just gets like moist in a bag. Yeah. Yeah, it does go like crystalline globuli and would probably go into a sphere. Like a meth fucking drug. But she maintained the whole time.

And now she is suing the people who did the field testing. They did a field testing kit on it. They put it in the bag, did a little shake, changed the colour. It's insane. So I don't know if they were just like, yep. Three months in prison. Yeah. So she missed the birth of her grandkid.

She missed so much in that time, and so she's obviously quite upset about it. But I was thinking, there's definitely times when your parents would flip out and be like, it's drugs. It's drugs.

When has something been mistaken for drugs? Maybe it was your boss even. No, this is my wife. My mother-in-law bought back some kosher salt. Okay. This is salt

you use in slow cooking. Is on barbecues and stuff. Is it like chunks? No, it's like flakes and it melts. It's this really good salt. It melts in, so it's perfect. But other salt will just sit on the top. It's just a harder rock crystal sort of stuff. And I just had it in a little, she just gave me a little sample in a little plastic bag

and I just chucked it in the car. What's this? I was like, what do you mean? She's like, what's this? And I knew that she thought it was something. I was like, what do you mean? She's like, what's this? And I knew that she thought it was something, and I was like, oh, drugs. What kind of drugs is this? You can have drugs in the car with kids?

With kids? I'm like, oh, I just must have dropped it. What did she think it was? I didn't bait her for too long. I was like, oh, no, it's just salt. Your mum gave me some of that kosher salt. Stick your finger in there and try it. I was just like, that's weird.

Jump straight into crystal meth. Yeah. So it looked like, that's weird. Jump straight into crystal meth. Yeah. So it looked like little crystals and stuff. It's sad that she didn't need to take that much of a leap. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. She was just more worried about me doing it in the car with the kids. All right, so 0800-DARZATM-9696. When did someone think it was drugs?

And maybe you had to do a bit of explaining. Then I'm missing you like hell. Oh, yes. Give us a call. 0800-DARLS-IT. And so a woman spent three months in prison for candy floss that police thought was meth. This was in America.

Yeah. Wrong testing, a bad test or something. Yeah. So she's sewing, which is good. We want to know when people thought it was drugs. Man, there are some crack stories. The best ones are how many stories we have with people who think like they see someone with white powder

and they just automatically assume cocaine. Like it's really like super easy to get in New Zealand so much and everyone's so casual about it. We just leave it around. Because here's your friend that can afford like a massive $500 bag of drugs. Yeah. Because that's what somebody said. We were driving through a McDonald's drive-thru. Couldn't work out why the lady at the window was absolutely shocked the entire time she was bag of drugs. Yeah. Because that's what somebody said. We were driving through a McDonald's drive-thru.

Couldn't work out why the lady at the window was absolutely shocked the entire time she was dealing with us. Yeah. And kept staring out at the centre console. And in there was a sandwich bag, you know those resealable sandwich bags, full of milk powder. And it was for lambs,

because we were taking a sample to see if it would give the lamb the scours. Because the thing about it, you can't just feed it to try these different ones. What's scours? Oh, runs. Diarrhea. Yep.

Okay. I've never thought about people not knowing. We'll just call it running pains. No, it's the animal term. Okay, right. Diarrhea. So she was looking at it and we're like, oh, what are you looking at that? And she was like, they're drugs.

It's like jam-packed full of milk powder. Yeah, yeah. We just carry around this massive bag of coke. Yeah. With a straight value of one million New Zealand dollars. In plain sight. Yeah, just on the cup holder. Yeah.

My sister got searched by two bouncers in the toilets at a bar after they saw her popping a pill. But it was half a piece of chewing gum that she found in the bottom of her bag. She was sober driver that night. Or a Mentos. Yeah. Well, that would be a big pill. Christ, I wouldn't take a Mentos if it was actual drugs.

Yeah, that's a lot of drugs. I can't get over people that take, like, multivitamins or big pills that don't water and that use water. They just swallow. Oh, yeah, dry pills. What's wrong with people that do that? That's bizarre, isn't it? Shannon, when did people think it was drugs? Oh, my God.

So, my boss thought my contraceptive pill was drugs. Well, when it's, like, I'm just taking an MDMA on Monday. On Tuesday, I'm taking an Eki. Yeah, no. Tuesday, I'm taking some meth, and then I just snorted up a line of drugs. Yeah. So, Bill, did your boss see the pills in your purse? No, like, I had been really sick because I had to keep my gallbladder out,

so I'd been taking, like, Panadol and things at work. But, you know, he'd take your pill, and I'm like, sick because I had to keep my gallbladder out so I've been taking like Panadol and things at work. But you know, he'd take your pill and he's like, oh, I don't really want everyone to see this. And my other work mate

was all concerned about me because I shake a lot and so she went out to management and was like, I think this girl's got a massive drug problem. And I got caught

into this meeting and they're like, if we search you back now, would we find drugs? And I was like, no. No, but don't look in the glove box in my cab. Yeah, like, don't actually look anywhere else.

But it was terrifying. It was really intense. And I was like, no, I'm actually fine. But of course, because I was really nervous, I started shaking more. And I was like, don't think this is like withdrawals or something. I'm just really, really nervous. Oh my God, that would be horrifying. It was awful. Jeez, God.

The worst bit is I'm a nurse as well. Oh, right. So you had access. Access to all the good stuff. Access wasn't the issue.