ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - November 30 2018

Episode Date: December 1, 2018

Graduation day in Today in NCEA, Friday Flashback and Am I A Bad Person?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello there and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark, where you can get a new Nokia on a prepaid rollover pack starting from $19. Now, on with the podcast. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. She's only on the bloody show later today. Ali Golding, sorry, came in quite hot on on the bloody show later today. Ali Goulding. Sorry, it came in quite hot on that. He finished with Megan and I thought you meant me.

I'm like, I'm here all the time. Megan's shown up. She's on the bloody show later. She's on the bloody show. Not now. Shush. Later. No, Ali Goulding. And I'll tell you what else. What? I was just going to say, happy Friday. That was what I was going to say. Oh yeah, I was going to say, what else is on the show? Fletch has made another bulk purchase.

How do you know it's a bulk purchase? It's a big box. That is my godfathers. This is so heavy. I saw it, but I hadn't picked it up. Turn the music down. Give it a shimmy shake.

Oh, it says fragile. Oh. Oh, my God. It's my mail. Leave it alone. It's dead now. It'll be fine. Hold on.

Are you born? The last time I did this, he took the piss out of me for ordering 15 blue flexi fits. I know what it is. I can see the packing slip. You are so... Is it... Carl.

And I honestly say that when I'm disappointed. You didn't have more. Oh, my God. Oh, piss off, it's body wash. I thought it was like laundry detergent. Five litres of body wash?

Yeah. It comes in like an industrial, like, that's what you see in a warehouse, those big white. Five litres,

this is how my mum buys dishwashing liquid. So, because you know, I love this, and I'll give them a plug. Is it the coconut one? Yeah,

I'll give them a free plug. The vanilla and coconut body wash is amazing. So I always get the little little bottles and i found this website online where you can put in the liters and how much you pay and stuff and this is way cheaper but i've just got to get a funnel so oh my god that that does this is the good smelling eco store stuff yeah it's so good this is the good um and so even five It was on, because they had a special for Cyber Friday and even with shipping,

it's way cheaper than if I buy bottles. Even on special, I worked out at the supermarket. Yeah, but like, what, 50 cents cheaper? Nah, like 20 bucks. Because I'm often like,

at home, I'm like running around with the kids or doing family stuff and I'm like, what's Fletch doing right now? Because like, you don't have a family.

I always do that too. Like doing like, obligations don't have a family. I always think that too. Like, doing, like, obligations that you have to your partner or your family or whatever. And I'm like, what's Fletch doing right now? He's, yeah, a bit of that. But he's either putting his finger through the circle of the other hand or he's working out how to save money on body wash. You're welcome.

Unbelievable. I've got to get that home today too. That's 5kg. That's really going to slow down your lime scooter. That's like lunging all the way home with a 5kg weight, isn't it? All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. And as usual, story time.

I've got three news headlines for three interesting, unusual, quirky, odd, fascinating news stories. Who run out of adjectives. Yeah. It's too early for adjectives. Have you tried an online thesaurus? No. Good God, I tried to type online thesaurus. I put online Teresa.

I didn't hit enter, thankfully, because you don't know where you're going to end up with that. No. Okay, online thesaurus, quirky. Let's see, okay, bizarre. Odd, off the wallaurus. Quirky. Let's see. Okay. Bizarre. Odd. Off the wall. Peculiar.

Strange. Unconventional. Unusual. Wacky. Weird. Weird. Far out. Freakish.

Freaky. In the left field. Kinky. News stories. And I've got three headlines for you. Headline one. Why you shouldn't leave chocolate bars unattended. Because Fletcher ate them.

That too. Headline two. Booty call. And headline three. Man caught literally laundering money. So he put his money in the laundry. That's good stuff. Kind of. I want chocolate bars.

Well, well, well. It might just be because I want a chocolate bar to eat. What do you want? Yeah, I quite like the unattended chocolate bar situation. Were you listening to the other two? Yeah, there was the man who literally laundered money and the booty call. Okay.

What do you want? Chocolate bar. Yeah, I'm just here to support you. As a feminist, I believe it's... What? I am. You can't do anything right. Alright, we go now to North Carolina, where a news station has reported that Lily Thurmond,

she was sitting at her home this week. Lily? Lily? Lily? Lily? My friend, Lily? When she saw a bear and three cubs in her driveway. Now... Goodness. Shut down this. You're using an ad blocker notification.

She spotted the bears in her driveway. Now, that hang on, I've got to shut down this You're using an ad blocker notification She spotted the bears in her driveway Now that's not unusual, she told the news Because where she lives, they're quite common So she didn't pay too much attention Until she saw a door to her Toyota Prius open And heard growling And that is when it didn't take her long to realise That she'd left a box of chocolate bars

that she'd been selling for a high school fundraiser in the back seat. Oh, no. It's beer Uber. Boober. And that's when she... Boober. Boo beer.

Like a yogi beer. Boo beer. Boo boo boo. Where are we going today? And so, yeah, 49 chocolate bars. Gone. See how I happily sacrificed 49 chocolate bars if it means a beard and eat my face. Happy.

Happy to make the trade. Is chocolate good for bears? Are they going to, like, walk down the road and be, like, rolling around and tummy ache? They go nuts on the calories pre-hibernation. Oh, yeah, right. Nuts. And if this happened recently, you know, they'll be looking to nestle down. I wonder if bears have, you know when you add an Easter egg and there's a bit of tin foil?

Gets in your teeth? Yeah. I wonder if bears have that with the wrapper. Yeah, but they don't have fillings to like hit the filling, you know, when you put a tin foil, hits your fillings and it really hurts. Right. So apparently insurance will cover the punctures that the bears made to the seats of the car, but no mention on who will have to pay back the chocolates.

Maybe that's $49 out of her. That would be out of her. Out of her pocket. Out of her pocket, yeah. Yeah. You know, they actually plug their butts before hibernation beers. Why? They plug their butts.

So they don't accidentally shit themselves in the bath. So they don't pull out any of the nutrition. What? Yeah, nuts, eh? Huh. That's nuts are what they use to plug their butt. So they don't accidentally shit themselves in the butt. So they don't pull out any of the nutrition. What? Yeah, nuts, eh? Huh. That's nuts are what they use to plug their butt. No, some, they use like, just like they make up a thing. They eat a whole lot of hair and everything to clog it up and slide it right down.

And then they put a little something up there. They back onto things, rub it on the mud, get a bit of butt in there. Like a bung. Yeah, like a bung. Like a plug. A cork. Yeah. I was going to say, I'd be keen for hibernation

Because you get to like Absolutely Smash it Smash it beforehand But I'm not keen on like Plugging it And eating hair And grass

But then you wake up You've had the sleep of your life For literally like three months And you're skinny Yeah but I'd probably forget To unclog Yeah Problematic

I've got a list of the top five highest paid TV hosts in the world. It's not in New Zealand. Is Oprah on? No. Because she's not really, she doesn't do. Nah, she's not hosting anymore. Yeah, she's got her own network, but. Don't worry, Oprah's still making lots of money.

Oh, yeah. But just in different media around. Right. So the top five, we'll start it with number five, Steve Harvey. Oh yeah, he does Family Feud. Family Feud, yeah. He asks a question, seemingly innocent, starts with H, and then someone

says something really, really horrendous, like it's no big deal, and then he looks at the camera and he's like, what? He was that guy that did the, was it the Miss Universe announcement? Oh, yes. Do you remember that? He wrongly announced that? He announced the wrong country, yeah. So I'm just converting it on my little converter to New Zealand dollars so we can just be like, oh, my God, 63 million New Zealand dollars.

For hosting a TV show. Yeah. Family Feud, which is like anyone could host. Excuse me. He's got a talk show as well. Doe, I might be listening. Yeah,

he does. Steve. Oh, does he? His talk show's pretty crack up too. It's basically Family Feud without the puzzles. Like,

he just talks to people and they say outrageous things and then he looks at the camera and he's like, what? Next on the list, so number four is Ryan Seacrest. So,

American Idol, he's back on. He does Live with Kelly and Ryan and he also produces Keeping Up with the Kardashians. But does his radio show count towards... No, not on the... I don't think so. Okay, wow. He hasn Live with Kelly and Ryan and he also produces Keeping Up with the Kardashians. But does his radio show count towards? No,

not on the, I don't think so. He hasn't listed it. talk show host. Yeah, true. So New Zealand dollars, 108 million.

I'll never forget the time I saw him backstage at the iHeart Radio Festival. And he was just walking with a swarm of people, an entourage. Really? Of assistants and everything.

I was like, jeez. I reckon he'd be hard work. Yeah, probably. He works hard, though, from what you hear. Yeah, works hard is hard work. Number three, Dr. Phil. Oh, yep.

So, yeah, we know what he does. He gets paid $113 million New Zealand dollars. What ever happened to Dr. Oz? He's still around. He still does it, doesn't he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Number two, in the highest paid TV host in the world,

these are all Americans though, is Ellen. Who's higher than Ellen? Are you kidding? Oh, I know. Are these people all, oh yeah, because they paid $100 million. They paid more than like the late night talk show hosts like your Jimmy Kimmel's, your Stephen Colbert's. Because these shows get syndicated around the world.

True. It's easy watching in every single country. Yeah. Right. Okay. I just have to actually add up two different things. 190, no wait, that's Australian dollars. $211 million for Ellen.

Wow. Madness, eh? So I just looked up Jeremy Kyle. I was just like, where's he in the scheme of things? He gets five million net worth on US million. So seven?

Yeah, right. So it wouldn't even make a drop on this list. So do you know, can you figure out who number one is? Yeah. It's a female.

Judge Judy. Judge Judy. She's always up there. Is above Ellen, the number one highest paid TV host In the world Sitting on 215 million

New Zealand dollars A year A year That is outrageous But she's like Got all the roles in that Like she's got a Producing role in that

Right And as you say Syndicated You can watch a Judge Judy episode From 10 years ago And it looks exactly The same as the

Judge Judy episode From two weeks ago Yeah Crazy And it's just Tr same as the Judge Judy episode from two weeks ago. Yeah. Crazy. And it's just trashy easy watching, isn't it? Oh yeah, but it's so good. Exactly. I love trying to guess what the argument's about before they tell you what the argument's about.

You look at them and you're like, alright, this is what I think's happened. That person's dog did a turd somewhere. It's just a fun game. Fletchborn and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices, a segment of the show where we have a look around New Zealand

on community pages to see, where's it? Where's it? You know, because of the ad. Yeah, from years ago. The pop culture reference. Yep. Yep.

It's Friday. Let's go to Hallswell. Let's go to Hallswell. Follow me. James, is Hallswell, this is your folks' community, isn't it? Yeah. All right, well, this is actually like, you might know this person. Victor has written on the community group for Horswell.

After seven years of searching our worst fears today, we realised we found Maxwell trapped under the house with liquefaction. At least now we can put him to rest. And look at this. What? Look at this. A dog. Oh, my God. It's like, you know how you see people that were buried by that volcano

that happened, like, thousands of years ago? Mount Vesuvius? Mount Vesuvius. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, my God. It's like, you know how you see people that were buried by that volcano that happened like thousands of years ago? Mount Vesuvius. Mount Vesuvius. Yeah. Look at that. Oh, my God. So that's been since the earthquake. Yeah.

Holy. For seven years, the dogs have been encased in liquefaction under their house. Obviously, the liquefaction never caused damage to the house, right? Because then it would have needed to be excavated. It must have been minimal. Or they didn't bother under the house. Yeah, I don't know. They just never found their dog

and now they have. After the earthquake, they found it and encased it in liquefaction. Like a cement dog. Yeah. It doesn't say that Maxwell was a dog,

but it looks too big to be a cat. Yeah. Yeah, it looks like a dog. Could you just chisel him out and just make a statue? Who knows what's in there? Because did liquefaction

go like concrete when left? That looks like it. Very hard, concrete when left? That looks like it. Very hard, doesn't it? It looks like ash. Solidified. Yeah. How's that though? Well, at least it's like a bit of closure.

I don't know if that was like a well-known Hallswell mystery of the search for Maxwell, but they've got their answer. Wow. Ew. Next on the Auckland buy, sell and trade, no liquefaction. But Leo needs referees for a job. Willing to pay $5 online for people to become my referees. I'll tell you what to say and just buff me up in general.

I'll pay you $10 more if I actually get a job off the recommendation. PM me if you're interested. $20 and I'll do it. Now, am I correct in saying that people in New Zealand have been prosecuted or there have been like private prosecutions or by companies where people have recommended someone and lied? Is that a thing? Well, if they got a job off your word.

And then fraudulently ripped your company off. Yes, or couldn't do what they said they were going to do and there was like massive loss. Then sure, they could like go after you personally, couldn't they? As well as the person who lied about the job in the first place. Yeah, but like you might not know that they were that way inclined. Every dealing you had with them might have been fine. Yeah, like when Leo asked you on Facebook to lie for him.

Yeah, he paid me $20 because I wasn't accepting $10. He seemed like a great guy. I bargained with him and he met my reserve. And from there, we made a business transaction. Deal done. He found a case. This is a British story, yeah, where somebody sued a company. Lied on a CV.

Yeah, and a company sued. So it could happen. Yeah. Here's one of the most mysterious online posts. You can ask questions, I can explain more. I have a reasonably yet limited knowledge. Okay. Colty wrote on the Boycott Online Hawke's Bay page, which is a page set up to

go around the people running the other Hawke's Bay page. This is another thing about community pages. Rival pages will start up. Oh, yeah. And they start out real loose. They're like, no rules. And then there's like defamation. And then they're like, okay, guys, we have to have some rules.

And then they just become what they hated all along. Yeah. Pizza orders, says Cody. $9. If you want a pizza from Domino's Pizza Hut or Alternatives, I'll ring up and order it for you if you're busy or something like that. Questions. My first question, and I looked in the comments, was how are you going to know what I'm wanting?

Yeah. And he said, you have to call me and tell me. Then somebody said, why wouldn't I just call the pizza place and tell them what I wanted? And he's like, look, I'm just trying to help you out. He's trying. But I don't understand why you're inserting yourself as a middleman when a middleman's not required.

Yeah, is he just trying to get a bit of the cup? But he's not delivering it, He didn't even really want any money for doing it. No, he wants $9. But that's what the pizza costs. No, because somebody said to him,

like, how much do I have to pay you to do this? And he's like, I'll just do it for you. But does he want his own pizza out of it? I don't know. Is he going to pick the toppings off? True, does he like intercept it?

And chip tax, chippy tax. Oh, yeah, if you're ordering a side, he's going to want a few chips. Yeah. One of the wings. It's a lot of effort to go for a couple of chips. Really unusual, really. And I think it was just someone trying to do a good Samaritan deed, but didn't really have much to offer apart from very good pizza ordering.

Yeah. I don't know why. This one from the Dunedin News page. And this is a cat-based issue. Okay. Somebody said, I'm allergic to cats. Does anybody have a remedy? We've got a cat, but I'm allergic.

Yeah. have a remedy. We've got a cat but I'm allergic. And Lynn recommends going to the SPCA and sniffing cats. What? She went to the SPCA vet and animal shelters and sniffed the available kitties. Leading to an intense allergic reaction

but over time immunising herself against the dander. But doesn't it only immunise yourself against that specific cat? Because you can, if you're allergic, if you have a cat for ages, you do get immune to their own... I think it's fair to say Lynn's crazy.

I wasn't going to say that. Is there anything we can help you with? Could you get this cat out? What was that? I want to sniff it. Let all the other pet stores know, eh? Yeah. If someone comes in wanting to sniff a cat. Yeah.

I don't know. And finally, from the Otago Buy, Sell and Swap page, Eric, Aaron, sorry. Very similar, Eric and Aaron. One difference there, the C and the N. Has something for sale. Two Ed Sheeran tickets for his March concert. $400.

Two tickets available for the March 29th concert. Oh, Erin. It seems she may indeed be selling tickets to Ed Sheeran's last March concert. Yeah, that's what it sounds like. Those won't work. No. I mean, you can go. I don't even know. Ed Sheeran might be there

just one in a bajillion chance, but otherwise. Surely people have called her up on that, on the page. Yeah. Everybody. Everybody. Everybody. Those are today's community notices.

If you see anything, you can screen cap it and send it to our Facebook page, FVMZM on Facebook. Cassandra Grodd is a Kiwi. She's living in New York, and she's doing very well for herself. She has published her first self-help book. It's called Bully, which I think could help all of us. And she joins us on the phone right now. Good morning, Cass.

Good morning. How are you guys? Good. Very good. Is it nice to hear some Kiwi accents? Hello. Oh, my gosh, guys. It's unbelievable.

Like, the nightmares that I have had with Americans and our slang language has been ridiculous. Even just saying, I want an Uber, they're like, a what? An Uber. Also, like, they don't know what a jumper is. So I'm like, you know, a jumper, because it's cold at the moment, it's winter, and they're like, is that a sport? I'm like, no, like a hoodie kind of thing.

Pull it over. A hoodie. Yeah, good luck with that. What do they call it, a, like a hoodie kind of thing. Pull it over. Hoodie. Yeah. Yeah, good luck with that. What do they call it? A sweater. A sweater. A sweater. A sweater.

Yeah, a sweater or a sweatshirt. Right. Yeah, and they also don't say heaps. You know, like. Heaps. Because they're imagining small piles. When you say there's heaps of things. Yeah.

Now, so you're doing well for yourself. You've written a book. And we wanted to talk to you about this book today because it's a book that people can use to help themselves. Yeah, exactly, exactly. I mean, it's been such a process, and I'm so grateful to be here talking to you guys and to have this opportunity to be able to kind of speak to New Zealand or Kiwi,

like young Kiwis, because I just think that as a generation, we sort of doubt ourselves. And, you know, New Zealand kids are amazing. We're so talented. And I'm just trying to warm everyone up and get everyone out of their comfort zone, really. So your book is called Bully. And what do you deal with in the book?

It's split into five sections and basically goes through every aspect of love, self-love in particular, but mainly focused on anxiety and also my struggle with an eating disorder. So I grew up with bulimia for the best part of about 10 years from when I was super young, from about 10 or 11. And yeah, so we go through all that

and it's essentially a long letter to people suffering from different heartbreaks and the worst of all, those kind of breaking their own hearts. So the bully isn't really an external bully, it's an internal bully. Exactly. That's the whole concept of the book.

It's basically like when you're younger, you're told to tell a trusted adult if you're being bullied. But what happens if it's in the head? What if in your head? What if you're your own worst enemy? It's an interesting take on bullying. We're hearing a lot about bullying, but not often people sort of bullying themselves, the inner demons. It's more about being bullied by other people and peers and such. Yeah, exactly. And I think, you know, when I was at school, the focus was on the really

obvious aspect of bullying and on, you know, person to person. But I think it's actually almost more common. Well, I don't know if I can say it's more common, but I think, you know, everyone's got their own demons and everyone battles it and it's just never really brought to everyone's attention. It's also the fact like if you get bullied, someone can say a comment to you. It's how you deal with it internally, I guess, whether you let it stick with you for days and you beat yourself up about the one comment when you could just, I guess, let it go.

Exactly. Like, I always say that anxiety, to me, is the product of a lack of priorities. So it's sort of living in fear when we can step away from that and look at things with love and, you know, move away from those negative things always following us around because if you're carrying it with you throughout your day, you know, it's such a heavy thing to hold.

You're like a 22-year-old female Confucius or Buddha from New Zealand. So wise. When I was 22, I couldn't string words together this nicely. In fact, I still struggle. 14 years later. I am like a 50-year-old trapped in this body. I love chamomile tea.

Love a good early night. Chamomile tea is delicious. Early nights. That's good. Now we're talking. Well, the book is called Bully and it's on Amazon. Cass, thank you so much for talking to us this morning.

Thank you so much for having me, guys. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello and welcome to today's Top Six. The last day of November. 30 days has November. No more of that rhyme needs to be done because you've already got your answer. You know. So November, December tomorrow.

The first day of summer. The easiest way to remember the first day of summer. People are like, well, that's not true, Sam. You're like, shatty app. So the top six signs you've overdosed on Christmas and it's not even December yet. Megan, I feel like you could. This is going to be me. Yeah, this could definitely, all six could be you.

Okay. The top six signs You're overdosing on Christmas It's not even December yet Number six You keep opening your spice drawer And saying hello Because you're addicted to Seasonings greetings

Oh I like that That was a really good That was a top tier dad joke Thank you Oh you wait I've got five more That was That's good, that was a top tier dad joke. Thank you. Oh, you wait, I've got five more. That was, that's really sad. Seasonings, greetings.

Get up. I'll roll my eyes because India and August aren't there yet. They won't roll your eyes. Dad. Number five on the list of the top six signs you've been overdosing on Christmas and it's not even December yet. You've got a chemistry exam coming up and you've just realised you've been studyingosing on Christmas and it's not even December yet. You've got a chemistry exam coming up and you've just realised you've been studying a Christmas tree,

not a chemistry. Not as good. I'm going to get you with one of these. I smiled. There's four more. Oh, there's four more. All right, baby. I'm going to get you with at least one of these.

Okay, number four on the list of the top six signs you're overdosing on Christmas and it's not even December yet. You've been listening to your two favourite Beyonce songs on repeat. I don't know what they're called, but they go, Slay My Name, Slay My Name. And the other one goes,

All The Jingle Ladies. All The Jingle Ladies. All The Jingle Ladies. All The Jingle Ladies. I'll put your tree up. I like this. Quickly, on to the next one. I love this. We'll pretend that didn't happen.

It happened. Number three on the list. You're supposed to, this is yours, bloody. You like Christmas. Yeah, but real Christmas, not your stupid puns. All of these ones. Top six signs you're overdosing on Christmas and it's not even December yet. Number three, every time you see a sign for a building that reads,

For lease, you sing, Navidad. For lease, Navidad. Oh, yes. Yes. For lease, Navidad. Come on, Megan. That was good. That was all right. That was all right.

That was all right. I'm getting there. We're winning her over. Two more to go. No, I'm definitely going to do that now when I see one. Yeah. For rent, that doesn't work. For lease, no, no, no.

Number two on the list of the top six signs you're overdosing on Christmas and it's not even December yet. Every time you're in a tight space, you imagine the walls turning into Santa and closing in on you because you've got claustrophobia. If only you could see the darts that was happening right now. Claustrophobia. We got it.

Ho, ho, ho. Side splitter. I like this list. I'm a fan. And the number one on today's top six signs you're overdosing on Christmas and it's not even December yet. You coughed. You're a bit worried about it.

You went to the doctor because tinsel came out and he said, you've got tinselitis. Woo! Feliz Navidad. Feliz Navidad. For red doesn't work. That's the saying we use here in New Zealand. It's only early.

I'm hoping the show will pick up. It'll get better. I'm done. I've expended. I've expended everything. That is today's Top Sack. I would like to address what is becoming a new online shopping situation. Okay.

It's not heaps of online shopping. Well, it is heaps of online shopping. That's what happens after that. Okay. Online retailers are calling them serial returners. It's people who buy items without being 100% on them but they're just like,

what have I got to lose because so many of these places have free returns, right? Yeah. So is it, what are the ones, Antunania is shocking at this. Shocking.

That's not bad, is it? Yeah. It's free. It's like two in, one out. So, okay, for example, where would you buy something from? Say you buy a dress on... The Iconic. The Iconic.

She blinks twice and it's here. I still don't know how the Iconic does it. I know. I got stuff from the Iconic. It was literally here the next day. I was like, how do you do that? It's good stuff. So good.

So the bag that you get it in, you've got to be careful when you open that if you want to return, don't you? It tells you cut along this line and it's like the safe area. Yeah. And you just keep all the tags on and if it doesn't fit or you don't like it or you realise that you're poor after you've already bought it

then you just see it right back. I like that. I like that that's one of your three main criteria because that is quite like, you might get it in your bike and be like, you're nice but you're not I need to eat today nice. See, you don't need to pay for the return shipping. You can drop that into a post office or a post box or Leah. You're nice, but you're not I need to eat today nice. You don't need to pay for the return shipping. No. You can drop that into a post office

or a post box or whatever. You print out a free post form and you stick it on and then just drop it off at the post office. They must be sending volumes of mail. I guess they just get charged back, right? Yeah.

And very few people would do that, but obviously not if there's an issue. Yeah, and how long does it take to refund the cash? Oh, it would take a couple it takes like a couple of weeks i think yeah about 10 days okay so it can take up to 10 days so okay so how often would you have returned something on you i would honestly say

about 40 percent of the things i buy i send back what yeah that's it. The best part of that was Janza's gaffaw. Audible scoff. A gasp, yeah. I was like, what? No, but they make it easy for you. That's the whole point, isn't it? But why are you sending it back? Because it's a size issue?

Or you don't like the colour or the look? It is literally because sometimes I go home in the afternoons and if I'm like, oh, I'm a bit vonies, I'll do some shopping. And they'll be like, oh, yes, I need all these things. And then about two hours later, I'm like, oh, oh, mama's got to eat. And then, yeah. Do you ever do, there's another woman in this article they talked to and she said she needed a new pair of jeans. So she ordered six online knowing she was only going to keep one.

Yeah, or if you've got like an event to go to, you might buy a few dresses and then only keep one of them. Wait, she orders six of the same size or different sizes. Same size. Right. Or just different styles and stuff,

different types of jeans and then gets them, tries all six on, keeps her favourite sense five back. Is that bad? I don't know what's wrong with that.

She said she'd spend around 400 pound a month. Yeah, but you get it back. But then everything gets refunded apart from 80 pounds. So she's... Yeah, right. But then... It's just like going

into a changing room with heaps of stuff, except you've got to then package it back up and send it off. Oh, see, I don't like the life admin in that. That's why I only buy clothes and I'm like 100% no will fit. No, but the post office is right next door to our work and you print the sticker off on your laptop.

Again, it's too much, if it's admin. They talked to a psychology professor on this as well to know the kind of like... I don't need to... I don't need to know. No, no, no, no, no. They're murderers. No, no, no, it's not a bad thing.

He just said it's for people who love the thrill of shopping and having something arrive. It's so thrilling. But send it straight back. It is. It is literally like, oh my God, Merry Christmas to me from me. I get excited when I go to the mailroom and just see the packages that aren't for me.

I know. It is quite exciting in the mailroom. Like, oh, I'll have that iconic bag. Oh, there's an ASOS. There's all kinds down there. It's the adult version of those unboxing videos kids do with toys. Pretty much. You want to see what's in the box.

All right. Joining us on the show next, Ali Goulding. Not Goulding. Not Goulding. Don't say Ali Goulding. That's why I'm not saying her name. FEM.

And we have a special guest on the phone with us right now. Ali Goulding, good morning. Good morning. It's so lovely to hear from you after

because you've had a bit of a break, haven't you? Has it been like three years? It's been a couple of years since I did a song with Kygo. But yeah, I've kind of, I've just been, you know, living life and having a bit of a rest. But I haven't really been having a rest.

I've kind of just been doing, you know, bits and bobs. But it's nice to be back. Is it true you almost stepped away from the music industry altogether? Oh, I thought about it for a second. But I mean, I said that kind of tongue in cheek because I was crazy busy and I was singing every

night and I kind of forgot what I enjoyed about it and then as soon as I'd had a break and I got a second to sort of, you know, reflect and breathe and realise what sort of, you know, reflect and breathe and, and, and realize what an incredible, you know, accomplishment and achievement I'd got to. I was like, okay, well, now that I've, you know, had a bit of a break, I can really see, you know, why I was doing it in the first place. And I do love to sing and I love to write and I love to perform and that's all you really need um uh with this and the ability to um to work on on little to no sleep as well yeah right

so close to me is out with Diplo and Sway Lee does this mean how how far away are we from an album like no pressure well the album's going to be next year but I've got a couple more songs out before that happens um I just wanted a my first song back I didn't want to be next year but I've got a couple more songs out before that happens um I just wanted a my first song back I didn't want to be like oh my god it's a big comeback I I you know because I feel like that's just kind of that's not really my kind of vibe so I I love the idea of coming back with something that nobody expected and and and um and have a feature and and uh just something kind of more light-hearted but lighthearted. But the rest of the album is slightly on the darker side, which is my speciality, really.

And, you know, my lyrics have come on a long way. I feel like I've kind of come into a new territory with that. And I'm just, you know, I'm like a woman now, like a full woman. I started out when I was 20. So, you know, it's been a while and now I'm like a proper grown-up and everything. We actually saw you in a photo. Someone we know because he's a New Zealander,

Joel Little. You were in the studio with Joel. Yes, I was. I've worked with Joel a few times. We've done a few tracks together. Nothing, I was. I've worked with Joel a few times. We've done a few tracks together. I mean, a song that I guess

we've done for the last record and we still may be doing something for this record. We just haven't had a chance to see each other. He's in LA. I'm basically never in LA. And so, yeah, it's just tough. But I really't had a chance to see each other. He's in LA. I'm basically never in LA. It's just tough, but I

really like him a lot and he's a lovely person as well. Does he ever talk about when he was in a little three-piece punk band? Have you seen the photos? Yes. I don't want him keeping secrets from all these big celebrities he's working with when he used to wear pink and black check shoes.

No, I've definitely seen the pictures and I think I've listened to the music as well. Just next time you see him, tell him he still owes Vaughn an Xbox. When he was poor, I got him an Xbox. Oh, I will let him know. I'll text him after this. Yes, please do. He's amongst the cultural elite, and I'm just wondering when it's going to come back. When the goodies start coming the other way down the street. With your new song, I was just looking on Spotify.

It's had like 37 million streams. Is going on and checking like... I know, what the hell? I know. Do you go on and check? You're like, oh, I wonder how much we've got today, or does that sort of stuff not bother you? I don't know.

Yeah, I guess it does. I don't know. I like the fact that I'm kind of what they call a streaming artist. Yeah. Because I came out in a time where, you know, people were buying my records from a shop. And I feel extremely old saying that. But, you know, it's quite nice to sort of like pass over into the...

Pass over sounds a bit dark. I don't know why I said that. I mean, it's quite nice to kind of transfer to this new world of like streaming. It's all very surreal. But I don't, generally, I don't look at, like, figures and stuff anymore. But, you know, it's nice when people say, oh, you know, you're top something on this. You know, it's just a nice bonus to me.

As long as people are enjoying my music, I don't mind. And first of all, congratulations are in order because since we last spoke to you, you got engaged. I am. It's a fact. Do you need... That is factual.

I always sound so like... I always have a certain tone when people mention it, but yeah, no, I'm happy really. I don't know why I don't sound like I am, but no, it's wonderful. Do you need any help? Because I've been married twice. I'm still on my second one.. Do you need any help? Because I've been married twice. I'm still on my second one.

But do you need any help? Are you struggling in any way getting ready? Am I struggling? To be honest, I didn't realise how much I actually went into a wedding. I was a bit naive going into it. I didn't know how much it sort of entailed. And I'm figuring out the music right now. Oh, God.

But I haven't sorted anything, basically. I've, like, you know, I've had to, like, get somebody to help me, basically, because it's a lot of stuff. Do you feel pressure being an artist and obviously having lots of friends who are musicians? Like, do you feel pressure about the music at your wedding? Are you going to ask someone to come and play?

I am, but not people that people expect. Right. I'm a bit of a, like, nostalgia fiend. And so anything I have will be, A, someone I can afford. And B, just someone that is very specific to my childhood. I listened to like, when I was growing up, I listened to all sorts from, you know, my mum would be blasting like the prodigy in the living room. Or she'd be blasting like, or she'd be blasting like Seal or like everything, you know,

like, or even I remember her listening to like Aerosmith, like really random stuff. Yeah. So it could be anything, to be honest. I just want something for my childhood. I think that when you get married, I don't know, I wouldn't know. You probably know more than me.

I can imagine you walking into like a four-piece string playing Firestarter by Prodigy. And someone's standing up there like, I'm a firestarter, twisted firestarter. I don't know. Or Smack My Bitch Up. No, probably not. Inappropriate wedding song.

I thought about mentioning that one. I thought it would be safe for Firestarter. That's a really good game, inappropriate wedding song. We'll see that next time. No, don't do that, because that's what Megan did before her first wedding, and it didn't last. They did that game, it didn't last.

So, cursed, avoid. Oh, okay, right. I'll write you a list of do's and don'ts from my experience. Okay, yeah, please do, please do. You could just, like, when you're walking out after everything's been signed, you'd, like, one of your songs could come on, like, Love Me Like You Do, and you're like, oh, who put this on?

Embarrassing. Don't. But secretly be happy. Yeah. Awkward. It is a great song. It's a great wedding song. You know, the thing is, the irony is, like, I love to sing at weddings

because I've got quite a lot of wedding-y songs. Yeah. It's like, so many people have walked down the aisle to my songs just from, like, messages and letters and because I've got quite a lot of wedding-y songs. Yeah. So many people have walked down the aisle for my songs just from messages and letters and things I've received.

And family members and friends saying, oh, my auntie walked down the aisle for that the other day. And it's so sweet, but obviously I'm not going to sing myself down the aisle

because that would be... And you write down their email address and pass it to your record rep and be like, chase these people up for royalties because I doubt they paid anything for that.

Well, all the best. Are you planning on coming? I mean, we're jumping the gun a bit because you're still working on the album, but are you planning to come back to New Zealand? I'd love to. You know, New Zealand is one of my favourite places in the world and I love the fact that I've got some fans there. And hello to my fans, by the way.

I miss you guys. We miss you too. Yeah, like if they'll have me, I'll come back. I'd just have to get this album finished first because I probably should come with a body of work and not just one song. No, you've got a few. You can play some of the odd ones if you want.

There's a few. You can play some of the old ones if you want. There's a few. No, but basically, I'll be back. It just won't be till next year. After the wedding. You've got a wedding to plan as well. And then we can roll up to Joe Little in person and muscle in on getting me that Xbox. I feel like in person will be more fun.

She doesn't know how to take you with that. Because you're like, are you still doing boxing training? Yeah. Because your videos I've seen, scary. Like you, have you ever thought about actually having someone like hit you back? Have you done the fighting or is it just kind of like sparring and boxing for fitness? I haven't done any, I haven't done any fighting, but I keep getting hit up by like boxing promoters and stuff. It's funny, but weird.

We would love you. Honestly, people keep saying that I should fight. They're like, you've got it, you've got it, you've got it,

you just need to fight. It's a whole nother bag when someone's actually punching back though, isn't it? And if boxing movies have taught me anything, these people saying

you got it, you got it, you got it, they've just seen the dollar signs of you being on the ground unconscious. Well, yeah,

everyone's got a plan until you get punched in the face. Yeah. All plans go out the window. I think, you know what, like, my trainer does hit me if I don't move, so I'm quite used to that. Awesome. Well, Ellie Golding, it's... You just got to...

Yeah, sorry. I can really nerd out with boxing, so don't get me started. It's an absolute pleasure talking to you again, Ellie, and I hope that we see you in New Zealand soon. And all the best for your wedding. Oh, you too. If it happens before we talk next. Oh, thank you so much.

I'll see you before then. Okay. Fletch. Vaughan. And Megan. The podcast. This, what I'm about to tell you, is brought to you by the Future 100 Report. So they have made a list of things that is

apparently going to be big in 2019. Okay. I'll start with some bad news. Okay. We are reaching peak Instagram. So I guess that's bad news for influencers. Okay. They get paid to do things around the world. So no more Slim T? I think that's on the

downhill after recent. Slim T posts come out next week. Okay. My Slim T posts. Your Slim T. How's that going for you? Oh, I'm like starving myself as well, but it's great. It's all the tea. So they say Instagram on a whole is, people are getting sick of it? People are starting to push back and fight against cynical marketing medium, which includes Instagram.

Right. But there is also a rising dialogue about mental health with influencers and stuff. So that's good. But we might be reaching peak saturation with influencers telling you what to buy. Okay. Just be less of that. Yeah. Okay.

Hot ingredients. Hot ingredients. Ingredients on the rise in 2019. Lichen, which is moss, right? I thought you just meant like putting hot things in food was going to be. No. And I was like, I'm down for that. I love some hot sauce.

Lichen's the moss. Moss. It's a mossy fungus. I've Googled it. It says it's a town in Brandenburg, Germany. Isn't it the most like populous growing plant on the world? Is it?

Yeah, it's everywhere. A thing called calamansi and also dulse seaweed. So, seaweed. I've seen a lot about seaweed.

I love seaweed salads when you have a little Japanese yum cha or something that's that real crunchy green stuff. I'm down with that. Yeah, right.

I don't know if that means we can just pull seaweed out of the ocean. No, I wouldn't go hard on just any old seaweed. What else is trending in 2019? Pampering pets. So people buy like clothes and stuff for your pet and like nice food to look after them. But like going to a cafe and buying them a Puppuccino, which is a lactose-free fluffy for dogs. Nah.

I would totally do that. I don't even like seeing dogs at a cafe. What? I don't like seeing dogs at a cafe. Why? Because it's a place to eat. It's not dogs. They're not on the table.

They're around the table and they look at the people and the people are like, oh, no, and then they're feeding bacon from the table. No, you don't feed the dog off your plate. I know you don't, Megan, but some people do. And also five-star experiences. So like, you know, giving them health spas. Oh, we're still on dogs. I thought we were just saying next year five-star experiences

is going to be hot. I was like, I'm down for it. That's for your pets. Oh, ridiculous. This one is good for you, Fletch. Back to black. So black will dominate in fashion and home furnishings next year. Oh, yeah, good.

Black tables, black furnishing, black handles. What do you call the, like, taps and stuff? Megan, look. I'm in black. You just stay the same until you randomly fall back into fashion. Yeah. That's me. In a nutshell.

And hip holidays. So trending places to go for next year. Okay. I've got three of them. Bhutan. Oh, yeah. Is that in the Himalayas? Bhutan?

B-H-U-T-A-N. Bhutan is going to be one of 2019's hot travel destinations. Known for its monasteries, fortresses, dongs on a Dazongs and dramatic landscapes. Yeah, that sounds breathtaking. Actually, the next one is a place I really want to go to, Tel Aviv in Israel. Oh, yeah. Okay. It's going to be a hotspot for 2019.

And lastly, Hobart in Tasmania. I would love to go to Hobart. But Tassie has for a long time been a bit of the butt of a joke. Yeah, but it's fine. It's jokes on the rest of Australia now because they've got lovely vineyards. Well, apparently the art and culture in Tassie has just really taken off. So that is going to be one of the hot destinations in 2019. And lastly, frozen food is going to be big in 2019.

Suddenly we're realising that if you freeze food as soon as it's like fresh you freeze it and it doesn't contain preservatives. So for ages

we thought frozen food was just like I don't know cheap. We're going to need snap freezers though. Cheap and nasty. Yeah right.

But frozen food they're getting real fancy on it and next year will be quite big apparently. Okay. Those year trends for 2019.

The entire list of future trends is weird, isn't it? Yeah. We should mark this in the calendar. This is like completely assuming we still have a job in a year. And come back and see if this actually was a thing. If any of these things happened. In a year. Yeah.

Caitlin, put it in the diary. Hi, future Megan. Oh, what do I want to say to future me? She didn't say anything back. No. Keep going. Keep going. You and me do you.

You do you, babe. I hope that you look great. I don't know. I hope you're still great. I hope you're still real chic. I don't know. Something like that. Swipe Mears is a segment of the show where we hear about your awful dates that came about from apps. Appalocations.

And normally, I mean, I don't want to throw Tinder under the bus here, but it's normally tins, isn't it? Majority. Majority tins. Majority which? Majority which. Let's meet Lisa. Lisa, what app was it that led you to have this swipe mirror?

Oh, it was the beautiful app of Tinder. That was Tinder. Surprise. We're starting fires. Yeah. All right. Okay, so Lisa, you match with somebody. What happened next?

Okay, so, the guy presented himself really well. Like, we went on an amazing date, went out for dinner. Like, I was living in Sydney at the time. So, we went along Darling Harbour and everything. Darling Harbour. That's expensive, Lisa. Who paid for that? Did he pay?

Oh, yeah. This is why I was impressed. Yeah, okay. So, it was going really well. I agreed to go back to his house. That's where it all kind of fell apart.

Putting it nicely. Yeah, no, so I turned up at his house with him and did not realise he lives with not only his mum and dad but also his sister,

his two nephews, his grandma and his granddad. It's like Willy Walker and the Chocolate Factory. It's like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. I was going to say Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, but siblings, not just four grandparents. Pretty much, but that's not where the bad part ends. It does get worse.

We ended up sitting in the lounge with him for about an hour and he was referring to me as his new girlfriend. I'd only met the guy three hours beforehand. Oh, no. I was going to try and defend defend him but he's lost me. What was he thinking? Nana's like, check and stay but she sleeps in the broom cupboard. No premarital sex under this roof.

How many rooms was this house? Sorry? How many rooms did this house have? Oh, there was only four so he was on a sleep out out back. So he went to show me the sleep out, and we walked in, and there was literally, like, a 10-centimeter-wide path on his door to his single bed.

This guy was 6'7", and he was sleeping in a single bed. In a hoarder's room. And pretty much. So, like, there was, like, there was truck steering wheels on the floor. There was bags of rubbish. There was just junk everywhere. Oh, no. Black mould up the walls.

I don't think the sheets had been changed for, like, a good three years. Oh, no. And probably all over one of the windows by the air conditioning unit. Hold on, Lisa. Hold on, Lisa. Betson, I'm saying she slept with them. I'm saying no. I'm saying she slept with them and they're married now and they've got their own little kidlets.

I'm saying that she made an excuse to get out of there. Oh, yeah, I ran. Like, I go and run and I ran. Yeah. Did I miss out how old this guy is? How old is he? We were 25 at the time. 25.

Oh. That's older than my husband. Wow. It's old enough to know better, you know? Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Wash your sheets. It was so bad.

I used to see the guy at the pub all the time as well and I had to change pubs. I couldn't look him in the eye anymore. But was he hot? He was. He was beautiful. That's the thing. Was he beyond?

Help? It could have been a good door-upper. There's a door-upper and then there's the thing. Was he beyond help? It could have been a good door-upper. There's a door-upper and then there's that door. That's too much time for you. You have to pick up the house and just relocate it and rebuild. Yeah, and if he's introducing you to the family on day one, then you know that's a package deal. Literally all of the family too, by the sounds of it.

Everyone. Everyone is still alive. Lisa, thank you so much for sharing. We're going to hook you up with a Swipe Mears prize pack. Oh, thanks. And if you would like

to register your Swipe Mear, maybe you've got a story that rivals that or can even beat it, send us a message on our Facebook page, FVMZM. It's time now, though,

for Friday Flashback where we go back at least 10 years. Those are the rules. We're the banger. Yep. It's Fletcher's turn. We're so close to 2019.

You don't know how hard it is to pick at the end of the year. Yeah. Because so many songs run out. We've been doing this for so long. It's like, oh.

Almost there. I've found a song that we haven't done which was actually from 2007. This song won a Grammy Award. It was nominated at the 50th Grammy Awards for Best Rap Sung Performance and Best Rap Song. Winning Best Rap Song.

It features T-Pain, who sadly couldn't make it to Friday Jam's Live. I thought you were going to tell me he was dead. No. But was a Kanye West song. Back when Kanye was great. Make Kanye great again. That should be a hat. That should be a hat.

I'm pretty sure I've seen it as a hat. After one of the crazy raves. I want that hat. Secret Santa, I want that hat. All my business and fashion ideas are already done. Already taken, yeah. Like, it's so hard. The world's hard, eh?

Yeah. Yeah. Being innovative, you struggle with it. Well, today's Friday Flashback. We go to 2007 for Kanye West, T-Pain, The Good Life. On to them. It's Kanye T-Pain, your Friday flashback. The good life on ZM. Varied feedback.

Yeah. Varied feedback. Someone said at the time, sure, but now they can't forgive Kanye. your Friday flashback the good life on ZM varied feedback yeah varied feedback someone said at the time sure but now they can't forgive Kanye let's forget about the Kanye the last five years

let's go back to a fresher Kanye not five years two years I was gonna go higher I'd go four or five I was gonna go see when did he bring out

the album that I love the Dark Twisted Dancing 2008 go back to nine then 2009 have six months album that I love, the Dark Twisted Dancing? 2008. Go back to nine then, 2009. Have six months of that before it just got well out of hand. But people saying banger. Am I a bad person?

It's time for another edition of Am I a Bad Person? We're joined by someone who has a dilemma. They're not sure if they're a bad person or not. And we all get to judge. I'm just putting on my judgy pants. Are they tight? Yes. Oh, she's I'm just putting on my judgy pants. Are they tight? Yes. Oh, she's saying you look fat in your judgy pants. She's judging your judgy pants.

They're the same judgy pants. Yeah, but I put my judgy pants on first. I'm judging you in your judgy pants. Anyway. The same ones I've had all year, and they're a bit snug. It's Christmas time. It's winter, yeah. Coming out of winter or something.

Joining us with a dilemma this morning is Emma. Good morning, Emma. Hi. Now, you want to know if you are a bad person. Hit us with your dilemma, your situation. Okay, so it was a girl I was friends with back at school about 10 years ago. She moved back to America

and she's just asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Okay. But I've only really spoken to her on Facebook every so often and I said to her originally I can't afford to go, but she's told me her mum will pay for me to go. To America? Yeah, to America.

What part of America? Is it a good part? Portland? I've never been there. I don't know. It would be amazing. That's like the hipster capital of America? Is it a good part? Portland? I've never been there. I don't know. It would be amazing. That's like the hipster capital of America. Very hipster.

So what's the dilemma? I don't... Well, the thing is I can't afford to go. I told her I couldn't afford it and I haven't spoken to her in such a long time. Like, I don't think I'd even invite her to my own wedding. But she's asked me to be a bridesmaid because she doesn't really have anyone else.

And her mum was going to pay for me to go. So I'm like, can I just take the free trip and go? So are you a bad person for taking a free trip to... Even though you're not really friends with the person. Because would you even like... How often are you talking to her on Facebook?

Like once every three months. See, I don't think you are. Because A, you get to go to Portland for free. Yep. Which kind of is. But then you're doing her a favour when you get there. Yeah, that's true. You know, it's a transaction.

It is a transaction. She's getting something, you're getting something. And if you think about it, if you say no to her, she might be more hurt than if you just about it, if you say no to her, she might be more hurt than if you just did it. That's true. I don't know. And I mean, you obviously mean something to her.

Because, you know, if you were friends at school or back in the day. Even if you mean more to her than she does to you. I mean, don't tell her that. But she might really want you to be there. But then I've got some further questions. Will the parents be, or the mum who's paying,

be giving you spending money or a per diem? Yeah. Fair enough. Because you can't afford to go. External, unforeseen prices. No, but you said you can't afford to go. And where would you stay? Exactly.

I have no idea. Yeah. Yeah, so I'd probably want to nail that down. Follow-up questions. Like, can I have some accommodation per diem? No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Four-star.

Get a contract drawn up. Worthwhile the trip to the lawyers, which she can pay for as well. What about the bridesmaid's dress? Who would pay for that? Exactly. I have no idea. There's all these costs, and I'm like, oh, do I have to pay for it? But then a trip to America would cost thousands of dollars.

If it's only going to cost you a bridesmaid's dress or even just some spending money for a week, that's still a good deal. I'd take it. And I wouldn't feel bad about it at all. At all? At all. Boy, you're on my side, Vaughn.

Yeah, I would. Megan, you're... I mean, yeah, I want to say take it, but then I think if I was you, I'd say no. Yeah, I see where you're coming from, but... Are you going to be... Is it just you and the bridal party? No, there's a few others that I've never met.

Okay, I'll take it. It would just be... It would be so awkward, though. You're not going to know anyone. Yeah. Well, you know her, kind of. I'm an expert at just disappearing into the crowd and letting other people do the work.

This sounds like a free trip to Portland. The end. Yeah. I guess it's the guilt that's weighing on you, feeling bad because you're kind of taking them for a ride. But I wouldn't feel bad for a second. Okay, well, here's where we get to judge you, Emma. If you're listening now,

what do you think? Is Emma a bad person for taking a free trip to America to participate in a wedding of a friend she hasn't seen for years and hardly talks to? Yeah. Or is she fine? Is she a good person? You can take the trip.

What do you think? 0800 dial ZM. Give us a call. 9696. Especially if you've been in this situation before. Like. Yeah. Because, I mean, this would happen a bit, right? People get asked to be.

People get asked to be in wedding parties all the time. And you don't even really know them. Yeah. It's a toughie. Okay, well, you can vote as well. We'll have an Instagram poll up. FVMZM. And give us a call right now.

I'll wait. Am I a bad person? All right, if you've just joined us, Emma was on the phone a couple of minutes ago. Her dilemma, she has been invited for an all-expenses-paid trip to Portland, Oregon, the hipster capital of the United States and the world. More craft beers than you could throw a craft beer collection at. Lovely scenery too.

Some mountains and stuff and trees. Rain hits us. Fixie bikes. Coffee. But it's to a wedding of a friend she barely knows. She barely talks to her. She doesn't know her anymore. They went to school before she moved back to the States.

And they talk every three months on Facebook a little bit. Now her mum is saying she'll pay for the flights to the States. And they talk every three months on Facebook a little bit. Now, her mum is saying she'll pay for the flights to this wedding. She just has to turn up and be a bridesmaid. Mm-hmm. Sound good. Pretend that she's a good friend. Is she a bad person for taking that? Because she doesn't really class this person as a friend.

Well, she hasn't seen her for so long. Some of your text messages in, someone said, well, she's staying in touch with her afterwards because you're going to be in the wedding photos forever. Oh, yeah, true. It was always... because you're going to be in the wedding photos forever. Oh yeah, true. She said she spoke to her every few months on Facebook. So maybe a like and a comment here and there and a message. Yeah, I mean that's the modern

equivalent of an unexpected drop-in for a catch-up, isn't it? Pretty much. Rachel, is she a bad person? Yeah, I don't think she should go on the trip just because it's a free trip to America. I think she should be straight up with the bride's parents and tell her that they don't really talk as much.

It'll be all good because she's got other bridesmaids there. That's true. It's not as if she's the only one. It's a free trip to America, Rachel. Yeah, but they don't talk enough. Yeah. But it sounds like, if we're going to be blatant here, it sounds like she doesn't have many friends.

Does she? Can we just say that, yes, she's a bad person, but she's going to do it anyway? I don't think she is. No. She's doing her a favour. Exactly. It's a business transaction.

And if the mum can afford it, she can afford it. Oh, yeah, I'd be asking mum for a business upgrade too. You think she's a bad person, Rachel? Yeah, well, I just feel like it's kind of taking advantage of the situation. Yeah, it is. Okay. Situations are made to take advantage of. True.

All right, Claire, what do you think? Is she a bad person? No, not at all. It's a free trip. Come on, she's got to take it. See, Rachel, Claire, what do you think? Is she a bad person? No, not at all. It's a free trip. Come on. You've got to take it. See, Rachel and Claire. Absolutely rude not to.

And you're going to get there and get a nice dress and get your makeup done and stuff. So you're going to look glam. Yeah, but she thinks that you're like really good friends. Like you're going there under a guise of something else. You're being deceitful. When I was at Intermediate and someone said, do you want to come to my house? And I was like, no. And they said, oh, I've got a new Ner of something else. You're being deceitful. It was like when I was at Intermediate and someone said, do you want to come to my house? And I was like, no.

And they said, oh, I've got a new Nerf gun collection. I was like, I'll be there. You've got to know friends for a purpose. Yeah, right. You know, come to my wedding, come play with my Nerf guns. Comparable at different ages.

Yeah, right. All right. Thanks for your call, Clea. Some text messages in. Is Emma a bad person? Someone said she's obviously a really good person because the bride obviously has nobody else. So she's doing her a massive favour and would be rude not to.

She does have other bridesmaids. What would hurt her more? You saying, no, I don't want to, when really you had no excuse because her mum was going to pay for it, or you saying, yeah, sure, I'll be there, and going and being part of her special day and then not really being friends again. Initially saying no, but then

when they lose touch, which they're going to because they're not great friends and they live in different countries, she's going to see those photos and be like, oh, the bitch never intended to be my friend. Oh, hey, we all look back at our wedding photos and see people we wish we hadn't invited. I just thought of your wedding, there's a few, isn't there?

I know. Even at the time, I was like, why don't I invite them? When you work with them, you have to. Yeah, you do. You do. You're obligated, sadly. Also, she doesn't know, she really probably doesn't know this girl. Like, what if you turn up and it was a white supremacist wedding?

That's, yeah. I mean, none of us are arguing with you here. You turn up and it's like There's something Like really bad Yeah the bride's Like in all white You're like that's okay But then her veil

Is like peaked at the top You're like Is that a Klu Klux Klan themed veil I don't want to be here anymore And the cake's like Made like a Nazi flag It would be horrible

But then again I guess she's still Getting a free trip To America She knows her enough To know she's not A white supremacist I would imagine that That would have popped up In the. She knows her enough to know she's not a white supremacist. I imagine that.

That would have popped up in the Facebook feed, I'm imagining. Someone said, it's always better to look back and think, oh well, than what if. Yeah, true. Oh, you see, I don't think she's a bad person. I'd say most people are saying do it. Yeah. I would say most people are saying do it. I wouldn't, but I don't think I'll judge her if she does.

Yeah. So do it. I wouldn't, but I don't think I'll judge her if she does. Yeah. So do it. I think we've decided. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. A do-do-do-do-do Two. Today's Fact of the Day spoke to me for two reasons. One, as a man, a human, that's very interested in robot technology. Okay. And how robots may be taking our jobs.

And secondly, as a man that recently had a rectal exam. Yes, which we all heard about. Yeah. That I shared the details with. And as we, you know, draw to a close in Movember, men's health, I would again recommend, if you've got any questions, pop along to a doctor. A very professional.

Mine didn't giggle at all when he was doing it. Which is why you didn't last in med school. Yeah, I was very giggly. I wouldn't have minded, like, a little giggle, like a full-blind hearty laugh would have been a little bit. Kind of breaks the ice, doesn't it? Yeah. A little giggle.

So today's fact of the day is a robot stole the job of the only qualified rectal teaching assistant in the UK. This man. Okay. He literally travelled the UK. This man. Okay. He literally traveled the UK. He was employed. Yeah. By, I'm guessing, what do they call their health system? The NHS.

NHS. Yeah, the National Health Service. He would go around assisting doctors at various colleges. And because his rectum, his bum. Yeah. Hole. rectum, his bum yeah, hole was well mapped to the point where they would be able to be like

what's wrong in here, tell me something about this did you think the same thing? he was the finger, not the hole I didn't realise he was the bum he would go around and he would literally be for students to practice on, to give him rectal exams and be like, identify this.

What a hell of it. And one inch. Can you feel that? Because it doesn't say exactly what he had, but he said they had items, he had things in there that could be identified in the process of learning about rectal exams. Wow. So he'd go and he'd lie over and maybe it was hemorrhoids, for example.

Right. They could be like, that's hemorrhoid or there's a scar in here and they'd be able to identify things and because his was mapped and known, the teachers would know if the students were right or not. Oh, there's some...

It's a hell of a job. Yeah. I hope there's danger pay or there was danger pay in that. Maybe, you know, there are people who still do things for the love of it. But anyway, he's gone now.

Okay. There is now a bionic, there is a bionic booty, a robot butt that they put their fingers inside, and it can change. It's got these little arms that change the pressure in certain spots. They can put, like, a hard item behind the artificial membrane. Like a silicon skin or something. Yeah, like a membrane, and they can put, like, a item behind the artificial membrane. Like a silicon skin or something. Yeah, like a membrane and they

can put like a P behind it and they can be like, I feel a growth at one inch in on the upper side. And so they can identify it that way. And it changes because the little robotic thing could go wider so you could have a larger. Like those massage chairs. You know how they're like, you can change the probe.

It's a massage chair for your finger. So just put it up the bottom and let your finger get massaged. I worry about the future. First it was supermarket countdown operators losing their jobs to checkouts. And now it's rectal test subjects losing out to robots. And he's got an official with the rectal teaching assistant. R-T-A. R-T-A.

The R-T-A. R-T-A. What do you do for a job, Derek? I'm an R-T-A. Oh,T-A. The R-T-A. R-T-A. What do you do for a job, Derek? I'm an R-T-A. Oh, that sounds flash. I enjoy my work. Let's not go into it anymore. I really enjoy my work.

How would you bring that up on a first date? I don't know. Because, you know, most people are like, what do you do for a job? Yeah. I'm in the medical profession. That's where I'd leave it. Yeah. Are you a doctor?

I get touched. Yeah. Tested. But now there was only one. You've given him a name, Derek. That's where I'd leave it. Yeah. How are you a doctor? I get touched and tested. But now there was only one. You've given him a name, Derek. I don't know why you went with Derek, but each robot to replace Derek costs 10,000 pounds. And Derek's like, well, they'll only have to not have me hired for two years,

whatever, totally recoup the cost. But now he's out there with an ass ready to be examined. And he's probably looking for work. Yeah. Imagine that, and just even your CV. You wouldn't even have that on your LinkedIn, would you? Why not? You should be proud. He did a service to society.

Well, that's the thing. He did. He did a great job for society. So today's fact of the day is robots are even replacing human arses. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today, it is CEA. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss CEA. Good morning, Miss.

Good morning, Miss. Good morning, Miss Merritt. Good morning, class. We have come to the final day.

Now, all of our exams are over, but there are some left today. I just couldn't be bothered anymore. I'm giving up.

Well, we're going to give that to any education. It's just to give up. But good luck to all those today doing it today

at Māori Art History Level 1 Classic Studies Level 1 Classical Studies to any education is just to give up. But good luck to all those today doing Today O Maori Art History Level 1 Classic Studies Level 1 Classical Studies Level 2 Chinese Level 3 French or Economics. Good luck.

So we've answered a lot of these subjects but today no questions. We get our report cards from Miss... Results! It's time

for your report cards. I'm going to go round anti-clockwise. Megan. Thank you. Do I open it? Open it and read out what I have written on your report card. Oh, no. This is like when your parents are like, read it out.

No, you hit it from your parents, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Vega Louise Papadopoulos, positives. Willing to give it a go even if she doesn't know the answer. I've got excellent listening skills. Most likely to make a difference. Thank you.

My work-ons, academy. You've written work-ons? No, academia. Oh, wait, did I spell that wrong? Academy. Yeah, jeez. It's definitely Megan that's got the work-ons. Easily distracted.

Yeah. Participation in group study chats. Well, I thought I was good in a group. No, you're not. You never reply to our Facebook messages. Oh, yeah. No. This is from the whole year, not just the exams.

I passed with university entrance. That's all you need. I'm going to university. Well done, Megan. Well done. Thank you. You got achieved. Fletch. Well done, Megan. Well done. Thank you. You got achieved. Fletch.

Uh-oh. Achieved. Is achieved like 50%, like a C? Yeah, or like a C+, I think. C is bad degree. It's like 50 to 80, isn't it? Anything above 80 is... Nerd.

Nerd. Yeah. Success. Here is my report card. Positive. Showed improvement. Sh. Here is my report card. Positive. Showed improvement. Shows potential if he learns to concentrate. Conscientious.

Is that spelled right? Conscientious? Yeah. He's not conscientious. Conscientious in extracurricular activities. Oh, okay. Thank you. How can you spell conscientious but not academia?

Well, I just, it's the autocorrect. Oh, right. It has the little red thing underneath. Okay, work-ons could put in a little more effort. Needs to stop eating in class. Oh yeah, you do eat in class. A lot of fruit. A lot of fruit in class. And another work-on could show more compassion

towards the teacher, Miss Marrett. That's true. Whatever, Miss! Slash anyone. Slash all of us. Your classmates. You have passed with achieved, but you will need to go to summer school to get university entrance. Oh, no. A bridging program.

Yeah, no holiday for you. Oh, boo. Sorry about that. But you did get achieved. You suck, Miss. You suck. You don't need to go to university. You can go to that Polytech back home.

There you go, Mr. Smith. Vaughan. Mine's in an envelope. Was yours in an envelope? Where will you be? Don't try to feel special. Okay, here's mine. It's folded up.

Vaughan Allen Smith. Positives. Knows a lot of useless knowledge. Shows definite potential and shows enthusiasm even if it's not towards learning. I am very enthusiastic. That is like the story of your life. I know. Story of my life.

Take me home. Summer, summer, summer. Easily distracted. You really don't know the lyrics there. No, no, no. Work-ons. Needs to listen more in class. Tends to act as class clown.

Yeah. Now, is that now I need to be a better class clown? No. We're stopping being the class clown. Stop being it. Okay. And needs to stop arguing with Miss Merritt. This is seventh form English all over again. I have passed with Merritt.

You are our valedictorian. Please give a speech. It's your moment. It would be my honour to deliver the class of 2018's valedictorian speech. You thought it was valedictorian your entire life.

I'm sticking by valedictorian. You've been validated, Victorians. When do I have to do that? Do we've been validated, Victorians. Oh, God. When do I have to do that? We don't have time to do this now. No, we'll come back and do it. Have a wee think. You've got a couple of minutes. Today in NCEA.

This is a waste of time now, isn't it, Megan? Yeah. No, I've already won. You've got to give me my moment of glory for being there. I'll pass you over to Miss Merritt to introduce me. And then Fletch, play the music I've got under graduation music. This is it. Why are we entertaining?

Why are you doing this? I see you walking onto your fake stage. Oh my god. Okay class, class of 2018 I would like to present your valid Victorian Vaughn Alan Smith. Let's just have a clapping.

Okay, Fletcher's joined in. Well, I feel like I have to. Now, just pull the music down. I'm going out of character. I'm being Vaughan again. I just wanted to say, because this is for like a high school class. Yeah. It's pretty meme heavy, guys.

Okay. Music back up. Ladies and gentlemen, I gathered here today to celebrate the boys and girls of the class of 2018. It's my honour to deliver you this year's valedictorian speech. It's valedictorian. You say tomato, I say not tomato. What a year.

What a year. Guys, remember back in January when we were all eating Tide Pods and we found out they weren't good for us? And then we looked directly at the super blood blue moon eclipse-y thing. We almost died and then we were blind. Just like those kids in the Tide Cave. And I thought getting stuck in biology class was bad. I was like, Elon Musk coming at us from Mr. Roberts

and his boring stories about single cell organisms. Am I right? But man, the year's gone fast. Someone today was like, hey Vaughn, it's the last day of November

and I was like, astonished Pikachu face. But here we are, where we were destined to be. Like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. A wedding that we all paused playing Fortnite to watch,

and then that preacher went on for too long, so we dropped back into Tilted Towers with the boys and got them vitriol, son! It's been an exhausting year, you guys, balancing school, social lives, and trying to solve the Jean-Bernard Ramsey as well as the making a murderer case in our spare time. Sometimes I'm so busy I don't even know if I'm

Yanny or Laurel. Yanny. Was it this year? Yep. Jesus. At the end of this year I'm out of my big duck energy. I don't know what that means. I just assume big ducks need a lot of energy to function. Yeah. Like a moth

drawn to a light. That was a big one. Where are those weird rhythms Like a moth drawn to a light. That was a big one, eh? Yeah. Where are those weird ones? What? The moth memes. It's time for us

to all get drawn into life outside of school. Some of us are off to university and some of us are just going to go yodel at Walmart and try to get discovered

by Alan and get famous super fast. Oh, that guy. That kid. Yeah. Weird flex, but okay. Ah.

Yep. That's so nice. You'll often come to a fork in the road out there where you need to choose to be Elon Musk that launched the rocket into space carrying his car or Elon Musk that called a rescuer a paedophile and smoked way too much weed with Joe Rogan and lost his mind.

Always be the Elon that launched the car into space. Inspirational. Are you hoping this is going to go viral like one of those... Oh, yeah, like when a Hollywood celebrity goes back and does that. Yeah, no. No. Like a lime scooter, it's time for us all to go almost silently at a dangerous speed down the footpath of life

and say 2018 was our chum bucket and 2019 will be our crusty crab. SpongeBob, man. So I would like to say to you, the graduating class of 2018, thank you, next. Yay! Good luck. As we go on, we remember All the times we spent together For anybody that drew the absolute short straw

and has an exam on the last day of exams, I feel sorry for you. Thanks, Miss Merrick. Have a good summer. You're welcome. Behave. Also, this sounds like we're signing the show off for the year. We've still got a few weeks.

Oh, no, we're not. No, yeah. CDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, catch them every weekday from 6. like we're signing the show off for the year. We've still got a few weeks. Oh, yeah.