ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - October 15 2018

Episode Date: October 14, 2018

Vaughan forgot to wear protective gear in the weekend, Megan has been reading and your partners sleeping habits.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark. Get more of what you love on the $29 prepaid rollover pack. And now, on with the show. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. I don't want to start the show with a problem. But you're going to. Or the week with an issue. Okay.

Or a rant. Okay. But I feel I have to. What's happened? But you're going to Or the week with an issue Okay Or a rant Okay But I feel I have to What's happened? So this morning Walking to work Up Queen Street Turn the corner

And ooh Shiny scooters Oh the The electric scooter We talked about these last week Yeah They were everywhere So the idea is

You download the app Yeah And you scan the QF you scan the QR code. QR code? QR code. Oh, that's a shot. Okay. And then you put in your credit card and then you take them.

You're away. Like onzos. So these are the next thing that's going to end up on roofs, rivers, up trees. It might have turned mega miles from an onzo centre as I saw one at the weekend. I was like, what are you doing here? Who wrote you here? But that's the thing, you just park them anywhere.

I know. And then what? Oh, wow, exactly. So I was like, I'm going to do this. And I had scooters work. They're so much fun. They go so fast.

Like I had the little bit to come up from the road. Yeah. The curvy bit. And I was like, nearly arsed off. Bit of a jump. Like, because it was quite a thick one.

But anyway, great fun. So I park it. It's outside work. Is it? I go to scan it. So you've got to take a picture and press stop. It won't let me stop. Look, I'll show you. Right in progress. It's been in still

52 minutes. Uh oh. I went.2 Ks. By the way, it didn't make me feel a bit fat because it didn't go well up the hill. That real steep hill? Oh, that's a steep hill, though. That's a steep hill, though, yeah. It's a little electric engine. Didn't stop, though, but it kept going.

Anyway, you press lock, you go end ride, you take a photo of where the bike is, which I've done, and then it errors. So it's still charging you. So on its first day, is it not officially launched yet? Have you had some choice? Oh, wait, I think it's just done it. Has it just finished? After almost an hour.

Has it finished? Has it stopped? Oh, my God, it's $16. I was just going to work out because I was going to say, I just found it's $0.30 a minute. A dollar for initial hire and then 30 cents for a minute. No effing, although 250 grams of carbon were saved. 1.1 Ks.

Yeah, but you would have walked, so there's actually no carbon would have been saved there. What's going to happen? Did it charge you for like 52 minutes? It charged me for 52 minutes. Do you know what? Maybe they didn't start until six and I swooped in there too early. Oh, yeah. Maybe you went pre-launch.

It wasn't having a bar of me. Oh, wow. There's $16 for a ride. It's cheaper in a taxi. It's like $5 in an Uber. How do they charge them? Your credit card. No, no, no, no.

How do they charge them? They're electric. Oh, so people can actually charge them. They can be a charger. You can earn money charging them. Oh, really? Or they go around and charge them. Yeah. Oh, no. How do they charge them? They're electric. Oh, so people can actually charge them. They can be a charger. You can earn money charging them. Oh, really? Or they go around and charge them. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, okay. So they must get a little notification when one starts getting low. And it'll tell you how many Ks it's got on the app. Right. So if you find one and you're like, I need to look like a child going to school for approximately three kilometres, and it's like, I can't do three kilometres. I've only got two kilometres worth of power left.

Well, I'm not using this again if it's $16 bloody dollars. That's a rip, isn't it? But it's always an hour. Although, to be fair, it didn't work, yeah. Okay. Because they'd only just put them out last night, it started today, so I reckon they started at six. Maybe it started at six.

So you're always talking about... Well, I'll be penning a litre. Oh my God. What? Do you want to go? $16. Do, I'll be pinning a litre. Oh, my God. What? Do you want to go? Do you want to go? It's parked outside. But I don't want to be able to not stop it.

Can you shout me a ride? I don't want the app. I'll have no need for it. No. All right. Well, I'll make a complaint. Well, that's sorted out now, isn't it? I was getting stressed.

Imagine if that charged me four hours. Yeah. Christ. Oh, yeah. Definitely would have bankrupted you, I'd say. We've had charged me four hours. Yeah. Christ. Oh yeah, definitely would have bankrupted you I'd say. It's a principle Vaughan, it's a principle. Alright

you lot, listen up, it's Storytime. Storytime three news headlines, interesting unusual quirky news stories. Pick one, Vaughan and Megan headline one, Kuga visits zoo. Headline two,

man nuts with new world record. And headline three, meet the new service animal. I know about the service animal. It's an alpaca. Llamas. See? Llamas.

I thought that was a mistake because they're huge. Yeah. Llamas are way bigger than alpacas. Alpacas are like two ponies, but the thing's out of the horses. The alpacas are out of big horses. Slightly different. They're not going on planes with old people.

Right. They're just like company. But then you've always got to have two, eh? Because they get really bad depression. They get solar anxiety. I didn't know that. No, they need another llama. Then you just have two surface llamas.

Because remember the llama was stolen from the paddock. Yeah, did they ever get it back? Did they ever find it? Very good question. I feel I need some closure from that. The other one was horribly depressed, right? Yeah, that's why you can't separate them. Is that when you learnt about llama anxiety separation?

For years I wanted to get my mum one. Oh, okay. Just because she doesn't want one. I feel she'd really love one, though. I know, right? She's got a very llama-friendly feel about her, my mother. And I always said, I'll get you an alpaca. And she's like, don't you bloody dare.

I don't want one. We've got to get you one. No, I know. And then you can't get them one, you have to get them two. Because I looked into it. You're not supposed to gift people pets. Animals they don't want. How much are they? My mum's always like, my mum inherited my sister's

cat, the dog. My sister's daycare goat murdered a chicken. So mum's like, alright, we'll take it. Like, she's a... She's like Irene for animals. How do you murder a chicken? Well, the goat grabbed the chicken by the head and shook it really quickly and it snapped the chicken's neck just like they did in the old days. But why they don't eat chickens?

Just territorial, sort of aggressive. Maybe it was playing. It's mental. Who knew goats? The goats absolutely like mental. She's still got the goat. Well, it's my mum and dad's place now. What's its name?

Trixie. You can't give a murderer a name Trixie. No, no, he mum and dad's place now. What's its name? Trixie. You can't give a murderer a name Trixie. Not only had the name pre-murdering. What are you supposed to call a murdering goat? You don't get your name changed when you murder someone. Snake eyes. That would be pretty funny if you

murdered someone, you had to have your name changed. Something murdery. Carol, you can't be called Carol anymore. You killed your husband. You've got to be called Bruiser now. Bruiser, yeah. Some like gang sounding name. All right. Well, with that story's out, I guess, which story do you want?

Man Nuts with New World Record or Cougar Visits Zoo? I think story number two. The Nuts. Yeah, that made me giggle. Is that what you want? Yes. We go to Pakistan now. Pakistan.

Oh, okay. Where a Pakistani martial artist has used his head to crack 243 walnuts, beating a Guinness World Record that was set earlier this year. Mohammed Nashim is 32 of Karachi. He posted a video to Facebook showing the official world record attempt for most walnuts cracked against the head in one minute. How many nuts? 243.

Oh, shit. And the video shows him doing it successfully and beating the previous record of 217, which is, it's just nuts, isn't it? Boy, yeah, it scares the pun. But look at him doing it. What kind of nuts, Walnut? He lines them up two at a time, and they're in a row of two.

Is that sped up? No, it's not sped up, and he's doing it one after the other. Dude is going to have to explain the bruise on his forehead to every single person he meets until it goes, you've got something on your head. And it's still going for a minute

and it's insane. I'd imagine that he's practiced so his forehead would be hard. Maybe. But what if a bit of shell gets stuck

and then you smash another one? Surely it would cut your head. Yeah, I don't know. He'll definitely be bleeding at the end. Should I fast forward and see if he's bleeding? Oh, no, they're just counting them.

There. Oh, he is. He's bleeding. Of course he is. Look at that. Oh, my God. A lot. He looks tough, though.

I'm not eating those walnuts. No. So just to bounce back quickly to the stolen alpaca story, the stolen alpaca was never recovered. Oh, my God. That's really stolen alpaca was never recovered. Oh my God, that's really sad. Charisma was never recovered. And what happened

to the other one? Then Bambi, the blind alpaca, got a new paddock mate. That's right, it was blind. Somebody donated an alpaca,

they said here, have Ronaldo and Ronaldo's Ronaldo's in the paddock with him now. Right. And I don't know if, like, Bambi just thinks it's because of C, obviously. Have they spoken to Trixie?

Have police spoken to Trixie? The goat. Yeah. It's on that disappearance. I don't have an alibi for that goat either. Trixie knows something. It's got a history. Trixie will know people that know.

Yeah, but you can't tell the jury of the past problems, can you? No. It's about that murder. There's not going to be any use for you guys anymore. Ooh. Literally. Are you going to push the buttons? Well, I could if I wanted to.

Yeah. Could you? Don't get good at what you don't want to do. No, but literally the end of the dad could be upon us. In China, scientists have made offspring with two female mice. No dad required. How though? You can't just force everyone to be a lesbian.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. The end of dad. Do you, Caitlin? No. Sometimes she does. Nah, yeah, nah, I'm okay, yeah. The end of dad. Do you, Caitlin? No. Sometimes she does. Nah, yeah, nah, I'm okay, actually. But the genes of two female mice, basically what they did is,

they did it with guys, male guys, male mice too. Yeah, guy mice. The guys are like, hey, you want some cheese? What's going on over here? They created life from two male mice as well. Oh, see you later. We don't need you. Oh, wait a minute.

Where do we put it? And did you just hear my butt? Butt. The male ones didn't survive. Only the females survived. Only the strong ones survived. Hmm. Okay.

So it's really like quite hard to explain, but basically they use gene editing and they get two genes and they turn off the genes that tell the remaining cells to be female. So part of the DNA basically acts like it's male sperm. They turn off the part that says it's female and then it encourages the egg to behave like sperm. I mean, that's sweet if you're a lesbian couple and you want a mutant baby. That sounds like a great start to it, doesn't it?

Well, no, it's perfectly healthy. 20 perfectly healthy female animals. Animals, mice. Mice. Not humans. Not humans. I saw a documentary once where Arnold Schwarzenegger had a baby. Yeah.

What a great 1980s documentary that was. Oh, was he pregnant? Yeah. Was that real or was that a nightmare? It's possible. Grim. God, they really cranked out some movies in the 80s, eh? Didn't they?

Yeah, I can't wait until, not that I've ever had a baby. I haven't had a baby, but I would love the option of like giving it to your husband. But the problem would just be a caesarean birth. Yeah, that's okay. But then even like, oh, so you're just saying the whole labour, the pregnancy and everything, just to experience that without the ultimate pain at the end. Yeah, because then you can have one and they can have one.

Right, okay. Or they could just have them all. They could have them all. Surely that's the next step. Figure out how to give you the pregnancy. I guess heading towards the Christmas season, it's the time to buy assorted boxes of chocolates and chocolate stuff to give to people

that you don't really want to get a gift for, but you feel obliged to anyway. Sure. Maybe the postie. Oh, yeah, your courier. Rurally, we always gave the postie a little something. I don't know why. We didn't do that in the city, Vought. You didn't leave a little something out for the postie? We didn't even see the postie. No, I know you didn't know your postier. Rurally, we always gave the postie a little something. I don't know why. We didn't do that in the city, Vaud.

You didn't leave a little something out for the postie? We didn't even see the postie. No, I know you didn't know your postie. No, no. If our postie felt that it was important enough, later they'd bring it up to the house. I gave my courier a box of beers. Yeah, but your courier deserves it.

Your courier's doing a lot of work. Yeah. A lot of lifting. Busy man. Sick of your driveway reversing out of it. So in time for that seasonal purchase, it seems Whittaker's has jumped into the packaged chocolate game.

I mean, they've been packaging chocolate for ages, but I'm specifically talking about small, individually wrapped, i.e. your roses and your favourites. They've just kind of been romping for a long time, completely unchallenged. You're saying that this could be a roses killer. I don't know about that.

From what I see, this could be. It could take on the roses. It could take on maybe more aimed at the favourites. But it's definitely lining that up, that market that's been dominated for so long. Because what I love about the roses is all the chewy, the gooey. The gooey insides. The gooey insides. That's the best bit.

Right. And these are just the normal Whitaker's chocolates in little blocks. In little ones insides. That's the best bit. Right. And these are just the normal Whittaker's chocolates in little blocks. In little ones, yeah. Which is nice. So there's two types. There's like the artisan squares selection. That's like the posh one. That's like the little cakes of chocolates, but it's been made into little squares.

Individuals. So you get like all the cakes of chocolates in one bag. Sea salt, caramel, brittle, fletch, buttermilk, caramelised white chocolate. Yeah, it's good. It's good. Plum, pear and manuka, roasted coffee and sea salt and caramel options there. Ooh la la. And Megan, you've been sent some.

Yeah. And we're not being paid to promote these. We're just discussing what is a very important thing in our lives. It's food, isn't it? It's very important to us. So you can get like bags of the little blocks now, but they're not mixed are they? You have to commit to one flavour. So here's the treat. It's got little blocks of almond,

milk, peanut and hoagie poagie and tweets, whatever tweets are. So yum, but I'd still rather have favourites or roses. More variety? Yeah, but see if I'm getting a block of chocolate, that's my go-to. But also, here's the thing.

In each one of those, there's the equal amount of each flavour. Oh, okay. It's not like roses and favourites. They start loading their favourites up with boost bars. Nobody likes the boost bars. I like the boost bars. Megan likes the boost bars. That says a lot about her.

I am not alone. Every time you mention this, I get support. You've talked about the importance of a good cheat meal, and yet you'd choose a boost bar if it came to a cheat treat. It's got everything. It's got a crunch. It's got nothing. It's got nothing.

It's got caramel. It's got like a little blueberry. It's trying to be everything to everybody. Don't be mean to the boost bar. And it's being nothing to no one. Horrible. Boost is sh... No.

All right, Spine's coming up. Come on, boost bar. You see, this is exactly, this is what the boost bar would do if it was in charge. A crunchy would have been ready. I am ready. You may have seen over the weekend, there was a news story about a woman being fined $150

for driving 85 kilometres in a 100 kilometre zone. So she's driving home from work and she's in the fast lane, the right lane, the rightest lane. Yeah. Is this on a motorway? On the motorway, yeah, Auckland's motorway. Right. And she's doing 85 and then the police lights, whoop, whoop, and she pulls over, and she's like, oh, heck, I must have been speeding,

but I don't think I was. And then it said that she was only going 85 kilometres an hour and two cars had been stuck behind her. Good. Fine her. No, but the thing is. God, and people that drive slow like that in the fast lane. It was 10 o'clock at night.

They probably thought she was stoned. And all the lanes were open. Yeah. If I was a cop, I'd be like, this one's drunk or stoned. Yeah. But it's not illegal, though. It is illegal. To go that slow.

Yeah. It's a maximum of 100, right? No, but you can be fined for going too slow, can't you? If you're causing congestion. Really? If you're causing congestion. Really? If you're causing a backup. Not that I'm against that. I don't know.

That seems to me like a warning. No. A warning offence. Oh, you're just dishing the tickets out, are you? No. Give her a ticket. Also, did she know that she was in the fast lane? Because do people know that that's a thing?

I don't. Yeah, she's in the fast lane. She knew she was in the fast lane. I've seen some people don't always know that the right lane's the fast lane. What's she doing in the fast lane? 85 and you're in the fast lane. She might have been daydreaming. No, I've lost something.

How old... Does it say how old she is? Nah, it doesn't cover... She was coming in from work. Oh, okay. So she's not like 90. Yeah, right. And if she is at 90 and was still working,

coming home that late at night, I wouldn't have given up. I'd be a soft touch if I was a cop. I'd be like, Smith, you haven't reached your quota of tickets again. I'd be like, but everybody, like, aww. No, you'd start be a pushover. You haven't reached your quota of tickets again. I'd be like, but everybody, like, aw. No, you'd start as a pushover once you see the things and deal with the things they deal with.

Yeah. Swiftly no longer a pushover. I just want to be on traffic. I wouldn't want to have to deal with, like, other stuff. No, I wouldn't want to be on traffic. No, but then you're just constantly giving out tickets. If you could choose any department to be in, I'd be in evidence.

I want it. Evidence. Yeah. What, getting into the, like, be in evidence. I want it. Evidence. Yeah. What, getting into the, like, being in charge of cataloguing evidence. Yeah. No, that's always the boring job on the top shows. I'd be in charge of background checks. I'd like to do, ew, that's creepy.

I'd like to, if I'd said that, you'd be right on there about being creepy. No, I was just meaning get dirt on everyone. I wasn't meaning, like, stalk hotties. I mean, that would be in there. I mean, it's top three reasons reasons and you've just given two. The third's probably drug cabinet to sell.

Yeah. Make us for sweet money. I'll say everything about me thinks I'd love to be a detective but then I'd like see my first dead body and I'd be like, bleh.

That person's dead. Oh my God. Are they someone's dead? And they'd be like, my God. Someone's dead. They're like, Detective Smith, get it together. You've got to find the murderer. I'd be like crying and like snot coming out of my nose. I can't. I can't.

Put me back on traffic detail. But you didn't give out any tickets, did you? I know. Because everybody was so nice as I pulled them over. The world's nicest policeman. Just not cut out for this world. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Teachers, feel for you guys.

Back home from school holidays today. Oh, yeah. And you know those parents are just going to be like, your problem now. See you at three. But we're trying to get more teachers back to New Zealand. Teachers, New Zealanders who have gone overseas to teach, and also just overseas teachers who might want to come and teach in New Zealand.

And live in beautiful New Zealand. Should they be qualified. How are they going to make them come over? Money. Buz, buz, buz, buz. Oh, no, that's how you get your cat to come in. That's how you get your cat them come over? Money. Buz, buz, buz, buz. Oh, no. That's how you get your cat to come in for dinner. I don't think teachers are like cats.

Miss. Miss, miss, miss, miss, miss, miss. And suddenly we've got a thousand Australian teachers. Great. So the top six things you could learn from your new overseas teachers from their homelands is today's top six. Number six, Frayline Schmidt from Germany could teach you that nothing happened in Germany

between 1939 and 1945. Nothing. Nothing. There's a real gap in the history there. What happened then? Nothing. Nothing. By the way, I've Google translated the local language for Mr. and Mrs.

Isn't it Fraulein? What did you say? Fraulein. He said Fraulein. Fraulein. Is it Fraulein? Fraulein. Fraulein.

Fraulein. Fraulein. You're doing a chocolate. That's a Praline. That's a chocolate. No, it's going off Austin Powers. And he calls her Fraulein. But he just calls her Fraulein.

Okay. Which is Mrs. I'm pretty sure it's Fraulein. Fraulein is Miss. I went praline. Oh, these are all, by the way, pronounced terribly.

Okay. I expect nothing but. I tried my best. I did Google Translate and then listen to it, say the word, and then write phonetically. Okay.

This next one's going to be a doozy. Number five in the list of the top six things you can learn from your overseas teachers. Arseedun Khan from Saudi Arabia could teach the boys how to drive. The girls, not so much. They're allowed to now in Saudi Arabia. Yeah, he doesn't need to teach them. That's why I left though, Megan. Yeah, it's disgusting.

Women are getting too much. You can go to the movies now. It's disgusting. I are getting too much. You can go to the movies now it's disgusting. I'm going to New Zealand. They're not progressive are they? Bloody hope not. Number five sorry number four

on the list of the top six things you could learn from your overseas teachers in their homeland. Skushet Ivanov from Russia. Skushet. I believe that's Miss.

Okay. Skushet Ivanov from Russia could teach you how to evade the government after talking badly about them once A scooshet I believe that's miss Okay Scooshet Ivanov From Russia Could teach you How to evade the government After talking badly About them once Very quietly

And having to leave the country And change your identity Could be a good skill Yeah Could be a good skill Unless you end up dead We've got a choice there Number three

On the list of the top six things Your teachers from overseas Could teach you From their homeland Booin Kim From North Korea Yeah Could teach you how to survive a nuclear blast that's happening 300 metres under your house. Which is handy.

I don't know, do you still get under a table? Oh, and that's earthquakes, isn't it? Because a nuclear bomb's just going to tear that table to shreds. Yeah. Hide in the fridge, I think. Yeah, get in the fridge. And the fridge, yeah. Although they were old school fridges,s. Yeah. Hide in the fridge, I think. Yeah, get in the fridge. That would have done a Neo Jones. In the fridge, yeah. Although they were old school fridges, eh?

Yeah. I don't think you're fridged. And you could never get out. That's why they got rid of those locking handles. It was because kids would go in and they couldn't get out. And then the air would run out. Right, number two. Top six things you can learn from your overseas teacher.

Number two, Jiangxing Wang from China can teach you that there's no reason school should start at 9 and end at 3. That's only six hours. Why not work harder for the greater good of the country? School now starts at sunup and ends at 9 p.m. Work hard. Wow. And no breaks, by the way.

No lunch breaks. And the number one on today's top six things you could learn from your new overseas teachers, Mrs. McConnell from Ireland could teach you how to get it done even though you've got a cracking hangover. Getting it done. That's today's top six. I was doing some industrial. It wasn't industrial.

It was some residential cleaning at the weekend. Right. But I wasn't mucking around. Is that what you call it when you're cleaning your house? Yeah. Residential cleaning. Why didn't you just say I was cleaning my house? It's cleaning and it's a residential property and I was cleaning it.

Don't try to flesh up your... I did some residential cleaning too at the weekend. Did you? I did some vacuum to my lounge. Is that residential? That's domestic cleaning. Oh, right. Because that's inside only.

Oh, right. Residential's inside and outside. So if I did gardening, is that like residential gardening? What you did is you went into the agricultural sector. Okay. You've always got to make, this is, it just makes it, residential cleaning makes it sound like I did way more than like water blast some concrete and scrub a house. You're right, actually, it does.

Brush it. So two things happened. One, when I was water blasting, because there was lots of spiders, a spider fell on me. Yeah. And it was like, not a huge spider, but like big enough that you'd freak out if it was on you. But I've been playing the Spider-Man game on PlayStation and I looked at it and I was like,

come on, bite me. Like, because I wanted spider powers. Yeah. That's not how it works. I know, but I wish it was. Just get bit by a white towel and I'm like, hey, come on, I'm a doctor. I thought it would make Just get bit by a white towel and I'm like, Hey, come on in the doctor. I thought it was maybe Spider-Man.

Help me. Shady. I'm not Peter Parker. You're not Peter Parker, you're dying. I'm doing a little hack. So a spider fell on me and it didn't bite me and it was on me for a bit and I was like, ah! And blew it off. Yeah.

And one of the other things was I used what could only be described as a very strong chemical to clean off moss. Exit mould. It was pretty much exterior exit mould. So you spray it on the house and the concrete. Yeah, because there was the spray and walk away and the 30 seconds guy. Yeah. Oh, no, wait, it's the spray and walk away guy and 30 seconds.

Anyway, whatever. There's those ones. But what you do is you spray that on and then you just leave it. But I was in a hurry. This needed to be cleaned pretty quickly. So this stuff you sprayed on, left it for half an hour, and then water blasted it or brushed off with a brush. Holy moly, this stuff tore off the mildew.

Can't recommend it enough. Well, that's why I love Exit Molden Shower. You spray it and everything melts away. Including your, yeah. Yeah, well, that was, you may have noticed I had a, I'm sporting a much shorter beard today. Yes. Well, this stuff was very strong, as previously mentioned,

and I wasn't wearing, apparently, the required protective gear. Okay. Well, it's ventilated because you're outside. I'm outside, exactly. So I had black track pants on. They now look like zebra because they just had the colour stripped out of them by the stuff. I lost some great active wear cleaning the shower.

I did exit mold in my undies. Always go in your undies. In my Calvins. And they went all splotch here to throw them out. Because I wiped the toilet seat once with it. And then I sat down to wipe the cupboard on the toilet seat. And now I have a big bleach toilet on my bum. On your ass?

Oh, okay. Not on my ass. Yeah, it's bleach. It's just like bleach, right? Yeah. Takes all the colour out. That's just like bleach, right? Yeah. Takes all the colour out. That's how they accidentally discovered about the bleaching of the... Bourne, it's not the time.

I was saying in my head, it's not the time. It's not the time for bleaching. That voice in your head, listen to it. Yeah, I've got to listen to that a bit more often. But also, I was like, wow, these are buggered. And then when I finished and got home, and I was like, hard day of residential cleaning yeah

Sade said what's on your face and I was like what are you talking about and she said they've got something in your beard and I was like

wiping it and I went and looked in a mirror and I had just had this like what you died yourself yeah it had bleached

it had bleached my facial hair I was telling you to the phone no I didn't I was so like, ah. And so I just dealt with it really quickly. But they're like, some had gone, what could only be described as copper.

Ginge. Like full ginge. Full ginge tinge. Yeah. Like, and then some were just actually white. That's scary that all those chemicals, you didn't wear a single layer of protective clothing. And it went in your beard. It definitely went in your mouth.

And it went in my eyes. At one stage, I had to give a couple of hard blinks. You know when something gets in your eyes and you're like, a couple of hard blinks should take care of this. I'm laughing, but I'm also concerned. Yeah, but I can still see and stuff. But no spider powers,

no superpowers from either of my adventures. Just ruined clothes. Yeah. And you had to shave your beard off. And then I was looking at the beard. I was like, heck. And I was like, oh, my eyebrows. But then I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. adventures just ruin clothes yeah and you had to shave your beard off and then i like i i was looking at the beard i was like heck and i was like oh my eyebrows but then i couldn't look at myself in the mirror i'm like please please don't be ginger they're fine though aren't they and i looked up and they were fine oh but then shard i said she's got some stuff you can put in them

anyway like that's not the end of the world we could have died we could have sorted that through us now we can still do that if you go back to blonde, back to brown too quick. Don't you go green? Imagine having green eyebrows. That would be worse than having weird bleach spots. But I can tell because you normally get your beard done at a proper beard place, don't you? You've done that yourself. What if I've not done a good job?

No, it's good, but normally it looks really manicured. Oh, yeah. This was just a... God, I wish I'd seen that. Oh, no, it was... Yeah, I wish I'd seen that Oh no it was Yeah I didn't I didn't even think To take a photo

I was like Oh wow that's Ginger splotchy number We want to ask The question This morning When should you Have been wearing

Protective gear Because you know They always say Wear goggles Who has goggles I was wearing sunglasses Oh yeah Oh well that's alright then

Are they all right? But you still blinked a couple of times. Yeah, sunglasses are fine. Okay. Because it gets in the way. Oh, yeah, just because it was a spray, because you spray it on in a light spray form, and it was windy,

even though on the thing it said, best done not on a windy day. I was like, look, I don't have time for instructions. Oh, my God. So, yeah, when should you have been wearing potato gear? Maybe gloves? Because, you know, you do the dye. That would have been a good idea. I didn't even think about know, you do the dye. That would have been a good idea.

I didn't even think about gloves. Hair dye and people don't wear gloves. You weren't even wearing gloves. Nah. Jesus. How are you alive today? Good question. Yeah.

I don't know. Maybe something called for a full protective suit. Yeah. And you should have been wearing that. 0800 DARS at M. Give us a text. 9696. We want to know when you should have been wearing that? 0800 DALES AT M. Give us a text. 9696. We want to know when you should have been wearing protective gear.

Born at the weekend. Yeah, I've got a... Caitlin, can I just quickly say, the second text in from the top, can you try to get them on the phone? I think that's the story that we best hear from the person rather than me recounting. Can you see it? That's horrendous, eh?

Do we want to know? Yeah, try to get them. If we can't, I'll tell you that story. But in the meantime, we'll try to get it from the horse's mouth. I should have been wearing protective gear at the weekend, and I wasn't. But the worst I suffered was ginger beard. That you know of. That you know of.

I mean, your internal organs might be suffering. Oh, yeah, I probably breathed in some bleach, but, you know. These things happen, don't they? Life. Dawn, when should you have been wearing protective gear? I was waterblasting my driveway and I was wearing jandals

and the waterblaster went straight across my toes and ripped all my toes open. Oh! Are you kidding? Can it do that? Yeah, it's very powerful.

That's the thing about waterblasters. Oh my God. There's a varying degree of intensity. Like, I've got a little karcher, a little yellow karcher. And it's good for just getting a bit of mould off. My old man's got a petrol-powered one,

and it would tear a hole in your gumboots if you go over your gumboots and linger for too long. What? I had no idea they were so powerful. Oh, yeah, they don't look around. Are your toes okay now? Just three of my toes have got big scars on the tops of them now. Wow. Oh, from water.

I would never have known that. Yeah. No, neither. Just in case I ever water blast, you've saved my toes. Yeah. All right, Dawn, thanks for your call. Bianca. Good morning, guys.

Good morning. Your husband should have been wearing protective gear. Yeah, he's a bit of a serial offender when it comes to this kind of thing. Okay. This one was one Saturday morning, I went to go and put something out in our bin at the back of the house and it stunk. And I opened up the door and had a look. And basically, there'd been a blockage in our sewage line. And I'd imagine all of our street business was sitting on our back lawn.

Oh, yuck. And so my husband decided to go out and inspect, and he just went out in his jandals and was literally, like, squelching around in the stuff, looking around, trying to find out what's going on. So I called the council to get it all, you know, come and get it all cleaned up, and they arrived in, like, hazmat-type gear and looked at him and were like, what are you doing?

It's biohazard. It is his own poos. It's different when it's your own poo. It's the neighbours. Oh. Yeah. Predominantly his poo. There was some nasty stuff there.

Oh, yuck. Did he end up getting sick? No, he didn't get sick. I think because he's a little bit sort of haphazard when it comes to that kind of thing and maybe if it had been me, I know I would have been sick. Just the thought of it it I was actually vomiting that's the key to the immune system

tread it main keep it cane that's just policy with our kids I don't know if I agree with it yeah Bianca thanks

you called some text messages somebody said I climbed over a tree and took out the top of it no ropes no chaps no earmuffs however I got something

in my eye so I had to have it flushed every day And cream on it every day for a week So it wasn't like the chainsaw That went through their leg when they were up there Or they didn't fall But they just got something in their eye

So they said, you know, goggles would have taken care of it For certain Yeah, right Somebody said, I was dyeing my horse's tail Who knew? Dyeing it Who knew? Okay, well, I mean, they might get greys.

They might get greys as well. So they must have been black because they said, normally I wear good quality gloves, thick gloves. Decided to wear the cheap gloves in the packet. See, I don't know if this is horse-specific dye or human because they always come with gloves, but they're cheap. Do you go to the horse shop and it's like, you know, in the supermarket, the hair dye things,

it's got a model with the colour here? Because you know in the hair dye commercials where they flick the hair and it's like shiny. Imagine a horse going. And like flicking its mane and it just catches the wind. Every now and then I see a horse and a bit of wind catches it. And you're like. It's a good looking horse.

Okay, mate. Not sexually. Just like appreciation of a beautiful creature. You're like, damn, that's a fine looking stallion. Or a mare. Whatever floats your boat. I should probably stop now. Let's just say the gloves ripped on my hands.

Ended up pitch black and took weeks to come back to normal. So it must be like industrial street. Yeah, everyone would think you took off one of those security tags. Yeah, and it exploded. I should have been wearing overalls when I was spraying gorse. Gorse has a blue marker. A lot of sprays have a blue marker spray so you can tell where you've sprayed, especially if you're doing a large area.

And I came home looking like a smurf because the wind just blew the blue dye all over me. And it's meant to last, so it stuck on me for a while. I was weed eating what I didn't know but turned out to be stinging nettle in shorts. My legs were covered in welts. Won't play that game ever again.

Just before I get to the text that we tried to call. They didn't answer, did they? Did they refuse to tell this story, Caitlin? They just didn't answer. They knew, okay. So this is a story at the other end of the safety spectrum. My partner's Uncle Paul is next level the opposite. He wears a full PPE.

That's protective clothing, including mask and gloves when he mows the lawn. And in winter when he's putting another log on the fire, he always puts on goggles before he does it. Hey, he doesn't want anything. And nothing's ever happened to Uncle Paul, has it? Yeah, but he does do it and he probably tripped down the stairs. Yeah. You know, or he, you know.

Tumble and die. Steps out in front of a bus. It's happening, Uncle Paul. It's going to happen. He's so careful in life, it'll be that one moment he doesn't see it coming. He's putting goggles on to light the fire. So here's the story of... Bless his heart.

Okay. What should have been protection. Okay. Cleaning the oven on a Sunday morning in Jammies. Oh, okay. So that stuff's corrosive AF. Didn't plan where I was spraying my Mr. Muscle oven cleaner. Put it on the door, then lent in.

Boobies touched door. I have nipple piercings. This thing was immediate. Went to the doctor, got treated for second degree burns. On the nips. On the nips. Ow. One must wear appropriate clothing when one is using constant chemicals. treated for second-degree burns on the nips. Ow! One must wear appropriate clothing when one is using caustic chemicals

and keeps skin off aforementioned caustic chemicals, apparently. Wow. Yeah. Got to be so careful. It would have been internal burning, too, because it gets through all the piercings. Yeah, get in it on the nip. And I tell you, that wouldn't have happened to Uncle Paul.

Uncle Paul, you're very protective of his nipples. He gets nipple covers on just in case it rubs too hard on the singlet he's wearing. I'm now imagining what Uncle Paul wears to the beach. Everything. Yeah, full everything. Hat, full like burkini situation. Has a sun tent. Has a sun tent or like an old 80s umbrella

that doesn't... And pumped sunscreen. Gloves. Heaps of pumped sunscreen gloves. Yes. And he's got like some shoes, some like reef shoes that he walks on the sand

because the sand's quite hot. It's just like, why are we even at the beach, Uncle Paul? You're not really enjoying this. They're like, Uncle Paul, come in the water. And he's like, absolutely not.

Have you seen this country's drowning statistics? Just a young... F.A.M. Oh, guys. Got some great ammo here. No, shouldn't say ammo. He's like, absolutely not. Have you seen this country's drowning statistics? Oh, guys, got some great ammo here. No, shouldn't say ammo, shouldn't say ammo. An interesting piece of information that vegans might find hard to swallow. You said ammo.

Harder than a rissole. Okay, just swallow. So on an episode of QI, which aired in Britain at the end of last week, over the weekend. Is this the show with Stephen Fry? He's not hosting it anymore. Isn't he? No, he gave up the...

Reigns. Reigns. I was playing charades in the studio. I was pretending to ride a horse. Or do those big ropes that they have at the gym. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Battle ropes. Battle ropes.

Even though if you went into a battle with a rope, you'd be a moron. People have got guns now. So Sandy Toksvik is the new host, and they had a question about what of these isn't technically vegan. Okay. But it was a list of things you would think were vegan. And you're like, hold on, Sandy, what's the trick here? So they were asked whether almonds, avocados, kiwi fruit, butternut squash,

and melons were vegan. They're all vegan. Yeah. But one's not. None of them are. It's the same reason as vegans won't eat honey. They can't exist without bees, and bees are used in, let's call it, an unnatural way to get those to cultivate.

So heaps of commercial crops of avocados get bees. People travel around with like mobile beehives and they come in and they put the bees in there and they pollinate. But then the beekeeper gets something out of it as well, the pollen that turns into the honey. But yeah, they're like the commercial operators. There's some species of bee that are great pollinators,

leaf cutter bees, that don't actually make any honey. So they're being transported around. So they're saying technically they're being used as like a tool and that's part of the... So you can't eat these vegans because bees were involved. Yeah. Huh. So you have to make sure...

In a non-natural way they were put to use. You have to make sure that your avocado is fertilised with free-range bees. Free-range bees, yeah. Broccoli's another one. Cherries, cucumbers, lettuce, lots of things actually not strictly vegan. Well, that's a lot off the list. I know. Let's go back to

burgers. What are they left with? Peas? Lentils? Peas have a flower? I'm not growing Yeah right The flowering They pollinate But then like this is

If you're growing them In your own garden Out the back And you don't have any Like bee slaves Then you'd probably be legit But like organic now Even if it's

If it's forced bee labour They're saying technically Is that Does that fall under Yeah The vegan umbrella If you had your own chicken And it just like laid an egg

and was just like, ah, I'm just leaving it there, can you still not eat that? No, because that's eating like the flesh of an animal, eh? Yeah, but it's not going to have an answer. It's like milk, for example. The cow makes the milk for the calf, but it's been impregnated And it's for the calf Not for you Okay

So that's why that's not They're saying no Forever To Jaffa milkshakes Longest drink in town You're making the almond milk Oh no No

Not almonds Almonds are used Using the bees Too hard basket Being a vegan eh I couldn't do it Yeah I mean I love

A vegetarian dish Every now and again But Do you know what makes What I found've found, what makes vegetarian dishes better? What's that? Meat. Every time, baby. Every time.

Like sometimes the vegetarian dishes at restaurants are legit. Yeah. And then you get like them to chuck some chicken in there. I've done that with a breakfast once. I added bacon. Yeah. And it was so great. There's a vegetarian breakfast option at our local cafe and it's by far the best option,

but you ask for bacon. And they're just like, okay, I can see what's happening here. And I say, yeah, that's right. I want it all. The best of both worlds. I'm living in a world ruled by chaos. Psychologists have revealed four techniques that we can use to get over our Instagram envy.

Now, they've said it is Instagram envy, not jealousy, because jealousy is something that you're scared is going to be taken away from you. Whereas like most of the time you're looking at Instagram and you're like, I wish I had that. So that's envy. It's envy. Just to clear that up.

There's a difference. But everybody does this. And you would say, people are saying this is the problem with a lot of people and it's what's making people so unhappy. Yeah. Defecting your mental health. Constantly judging everybody else's life problem with a lot of people and it's what's making people so unhappy yeah is that you're

mental health constantly judging everybody else's life by only the good things that they're putting online yeah so there is four techniques now this first one is I kind of think yeah it's fine but um we all know this but doing it is harder than just you know saying you should do it okay so the psychologists have said uh shift your perspective be inspired by the instagram as you follow um rather than envying them so use them as inspiration and admire them rather than being like so that's kind of what i that's why i follow people because if i was like jealous of them I probably would be like unfollow like I don't think I would follow them for because is hate following more of a girl thing I mean I

wouldn't want to say anything definitely a girl do you you don't do you two hate following anyone nah I don't like saying I see I'm like born I don't want to follow someone if they made me like grumpy or I didn't like what they were posting. I just wouldn't follow them. It's hard because you're, like, part of, like, groups too where you have to, like, follow someone. But this is my own experience. So there's, you're kind of expected to follow someone in a group, but then they make you annoyed. Mute them.

Yeah, but then you kind of, like, want to see. I can't explain it. Do you want to, producer Caitlin, do you do this? Do you hate follow people? So. Dislike follow. Because I don't want them to, like, I know you can't. It's different on Instagram to Facebook.

I know you can't see if, like, someone's unfollowed you unless you've got that stupid app. But so I just mute them so I don't see any of their stuff. But if I want, if they were like, oh, why did they not follow me? You know, so I can still see. It's hard though because you feel like you have to like their photo. Do you know what I mean? No, you don't.

Because you're just like, I didn't see it. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot happening there. You could just say that you didn't see it. Yeah, see, again, easy to say, but like. So it's more of a shift in thinking. Yeah. It's this person.

I admire them. Right. I don't envy them. They've Yeah. It's this person. I admire them. Right. I don't envy them. They've got a different life to be. I admire it. I might be inspired even by what they're doing. But again, don't follow someone if you don't like them. It's going to be easier said than done.

Another one, like tip number two from these psychologists on how to heal your Instagram envy is talk to real people you know online and in real life. So this is more for people you follow that are your friends and acquaintances. They might go on a holiday and then they're posting pictures for like a month because they've saved up the pictures,

but you think they've been touring around Europe for a month. So they're saying if you talk to people in real life, you'll realise they were away for a week and their life isn't actually amazing. They haven't been travelling for a month. And they might have had all their bags stolen and they might have had a crappy time. And if you talk to people in real life, you realise that there's real life

problems behind the photos on Instagram. So they're saying, well, you can follow people. It's important to get like real life perspective from these people too. So it's all in balance. And talk to their partner about how annoying it was that they had to take all of these photos of them in front of the staff rather than just enjoying being there. Boyfriends of Instagram.

Yeah. Yeah. Tip number three, know what kinds of images make you envious and why so you can unfollow them. But then we know half the time. Like, you know what makes you envious but it doesn't mean you're like willing to unfollow it. Unless you're really going on a crusade to fix your timeline, fix your feed and be like okay I'm gonna make this better for myself

then maybe you would but like sometimes we know what the problem is we just don't want to fix it. You still want to follow them. Yeah right. And lastly the fourth tip from psychologists on how to fix your Instagram envy is make sure your diet is a healthy mix. So think of your feed like a diet. It needs balance. It needs not only fitspo people. My vegetable photos don't get a lot of likes. I'm just saying.

Like I'm all about that balance, but they're not getting like, oh, broccoli. Not a lot of likes. No. But put up a cute video of the girls doing something. Lots of likes. With broccoli maybe. I a cute video of the girls doing something. Lots of likes. With broccoli maybe.

I grow some pretty mean like coloured silverbeet. And I'm like, man. Yuck, Megan. Silverbeet is filth. What are you, a chicken? I have a pink silverbeet. But I know that no one's going to like that as much as I do. Silverbeet is the boost bar of vegetables.

See? And that's why I don't post it. Yeah. I'm going to get the likes. If you're going to get silverbeet, I don't post it. Yeah. I'm going to get the likes. If you post a pic of Silverbeet, I would take. Oh, my God. Great pleasure in tearing it down. I'm going to post a pic of Silverbeet today.

Do it. Can everyone listen to this pic? Well, you do you. Please like it. You do you. I'll like a picture of your arm. Do you know what? I'm going to just go for like five likes.

And I'm going to be okay with it. It's really pretty. There's pink and orange and yellow and like deep. Okay, shut up. Yeah, cool. There's like a purple. Okay, I'm going to post it.

Get the light right. Get good composition. I'll like it for the photo. I'm not liking it because I like silverbeet. Yeah. So be balanced. Be balanced. Get some balance in your Instagram feed.

Make sure it's got like. So how many like inspirational quote pages should we follow on Instagram for every hot model? How many balances out the hot models? But why are you following the hot models? Because they're hot. Pure. Well, then you don't need to balance that out.

But if you're envious of them. Yeah. Are you envious or just admiration? Nah, just admiration. Because if it's pure admiration, you're all good. Yeah if you're envious of them. Yeah. Are you envious or just admiration? Nah, just admiration. Because if it's pure admiration, you're all good. Yeah, that's great diet. Yeah. Yeah.

That's good stuff. Mosh Monday. We do like to get a little bit emotional on a Monday, and today, is this our first male? It's our first bloke, yep. I believe so, yeah. First bloke, first bloke. Yeah, shushy.

The blokes that are allowed to get emotional too. Yep, yep. Good morning, Clay. Good morning, how are you? Good, how are you? Good, mate. How are you? You got some feelings there, mate?

Oh, yeah, deep inside. Yeah, me too. Yep, yep, let's go. All right, we're going to get these feelings there, mate? Oh, yeah, deep inside. Yeah, me too. Yep, yep, yep. Let's go. All right, we're going to get these feelings out today. All right, get it out. Thanks, folks. So set the scene.

Where are we? What's the year? What stage of your life are you up to? So, oh, I'm currently in Australia at the moment. Okay, yep. Yeah, so in Winston, Australia, and nearly been here for a year. And last summer I saw an ad on Facebook and I was having a break over the uni summer. And I was like, oh yeah, give it a go.

I went to Australia and just supposed to be a summer job. And then nearly a year later I'm still here. And yeah, sometimes you get a bit homesick. And the song playing at the airport and it just you know brings back memories did you ever did you have a little bit of a breakdown an emotional breakdown at the airport clay oh yeah a little bit because usually this is uh the ones we've done so far have been about a person that that maybe got away but you're thinking of a whole country yeah it makes me miss the way into the long white cloud oh you're thinking're thinking of Aotearoa.

Right. And also this song, it's an older song, but you only heard it a year ago. Oh, I'd heard it before, but hearing it at the airport just made that special connection. Yeah, it just hits home. Do the lyrics have some significance to your situation? Oh, yeah, definitely. Okay. What about, it's an older song,

but what about when you first heard it? Where were you when it kind of came out? Oh, it's probably just a stupid teenager at school at that point. Right, but I think there's a deep-seated reason. Yeah, do you think there's a connection between hearing this song now and your teenage self?

Oh, yeah, really. Yeah, it just brings back memories and good times. Okay, all right. Well, I think we need to get this off our chest and introduce your Mosh Monday song for us, Clay. Okay, so this week, today's Mosh Monday. It's Nelly Furtado, I'm Like a Bird. I want to fly away.

And you're at the airport. Yeah. Oh, Clay. Oh, we're not laughing at you, Clay. No, we're giving you a big hug over the radio. Oh, babe. Are we going to tell them about the bird of the year is currently having me back home?

Petrol's real expensive. You're not missing anything. Yeah. The record here the other day in Australia, it's $1.63. $1.63. What, so it's like $1 in Australia is $1.63. $1.63? What, so it's like $1.80, $1.85? Yeah.

All right, Clay, here it is, your Mosh Monday. Snelly potato. Thank you. On CDF. ever fade You're lovely but it's not for sure I won't ever change Though my love is

brand Though my love is true I'm like a bird is true I don't know where my soul is. I don't know where my home is. And baby, I'm in here for you to know it. I don't like to burn. I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is. I don't know where my home is.

And baby, I'm in here for you to know it. I don't like to burn. I only fly away. I don't know where my soul is. It's Mosh Mondays on CDM. Fleach, Furnameg and Nelly Furtado. Someone said that was their first period song. I don't know where I'm going Yeah, I was trying to remember. I think I have one each month that happens. You just change it up. Yeah. Oh, I'm going to look at what was big at that time and see if I can just pick one.

What's your current one? Chain smokers. What? I don't know. Yeah. Well, there you go. Another Moish Monday next Monday. If you've got any, you can contact us

through various social media. I'm a little flustered. You want to be swayed, Caitlin, just the inbox, FEMZM on Facebook or Instagram. Yeah.

If you've got a Mosh Monday, a song that reminds you of like your teenage years. We've got a form on ZM online as well. You can go check it out. Please for more guys too. I love hearing Mosh Mondays

from guys. Yeah, it's good. They get a bit emotional. Yeah, well guys, we have emotions too, Megan. I know, so tell us about it. I want to talk snoring because I said before,

if I said, who snores more, men or women? Guys, I thought. And I would say the same thing, but a recent study out of the UK has shown 34% of young women,

25 to 34, snore more than men of the same age group. 31% of the men compared to 34. Wow. I don't, as far as I know, I don't snore. At what age does that change? Because I know all the old mates,

my dad's a snorer, both of my granddads were like insane snorers. Okay, so the older age groups, it was men who snored more. In the 55 to 64 age bracket, 45% of the men snored, while 35% of the who snored more. In the 55 to 64 age bracket, 45% of the men snored, while 35% of the women snored. So what are the 25-year-old to 34-year-old women doing?

What are we doing? I don't know. Isn't it weird though? And they studied like, you know, thousands of people. So it's quite a comprehensive study. Right. And yeah, women, young women,

snore more than young men. Well, my wife snores when she's got like comprehensive study. Right. And yeah, women, young women snore more than young men. Well, my wife snores when she's got like a really bad cold. Or like what if she's been drinking? Because, you know, if I think if I drink, maybe I do, but. Yeah. Oh, really? No, I don't think so. I think it's just the cold.

Just. Because you're congested. You're clogged up. Yeah, clogged up breathing. Yeah. Andrew doesn't snore, thankfully, but he elbows me all the time. But I like to sleep halfway down the bed, so I'm at elbow height. What are you sleeping halfway down the bed for?

Because I like to hang my toes off the end of the bed. What? What are you sleeping halfway down the bed for? Do you have the sheet still tucked in? Yeah. Because I can't have the sheet not tucked in. How do your toes hang off the end of your sleep? On your stomach?

Yeah. With your toes hooked off the end of the bed? Hooked off the end. Yeah. Why? Is it because the bed tips forward and you're not going to fall out? It's just comfy.

She's got a shorter bed. I always wiggle down. So I'm at elbow height for him. So whenever he rolls over, always elbows me in the head. Oh, that's not his fault. You should be honest. As far as South Africans doing things to their partner

while they think they're asleep, that's low end. That's asleep, that's... Low end. That's low end. That is low end. He's sick of that joke. I'm going to the bathroom. Bathroom time. So I go here.

Wake up. I'm going to the bathroom. He loves that. He loves it. I do have a bad sleeping habit. I look too cute when I'm asleep. So if Sade wakes up and I'm asleep, she'll be like... And then she can't get back to sleep because she feels like if she shuts her eyes, she's not going to see how cute I look too cute when I'm asleep. So if Sade wakes up and I'm asleep, she'll be like, and then she can't get back to sleep because she feels like

if she shuts her eyes, she's not going to see how cute I look while I'm asleep. That's not a thing. I do this. Sometimes you do a real sad face when you sleep like this. My face just drops. It's a lot of work keeping this much face looking this great. So then when I sleep, I just all relax and it goes.

Well, I thought on the back of this, like finding out that women are the big snorers, could we talk about your partner's annoying sleeping habit? Like maybe it's getting elbowed in the face. Yeah. I don't know. I refuse to believe that either of you two don't have

an annoying habit. It's hard because we can't ask anyone for sometimes I roll over and I'll smash the cat because he's like sleeping real close to me. I'm like, sorry, but I've got to sleep and I've got to turn over. It's your fault for being in the way. But yeah, no, I don't think I've ever really been a snorer

unless I'm like, yeah, had a cold. Never had negative feedback about snoring. You've got a great yelp. I've got a great yelp for bedside manner. I don't know. But what do you do if your partner is a big snorer? Yeah. That's why so many people sleep in separate beds, I guess.

Or earplugs? Yeah. Okay. Well, 0800-DARLS-AT-M, 9696 to text them. We want to take some calls now and some texts of your partner's annoying sleeping habit. Like, how bad is it? Maybe you're with a sleepwalker or a sleep talker. Like, that could be great for getting goss.

Yeah. Are you cheating on me, Daryl? Yeah. Yeah, I am. When? And then you just get that info out of them. Heaps of time. Who was it with, Daryl?

Heaps of people. You're opening up Pandora's box when you start asking those questions. All right, give us a call. 0800 DALES at M. S-M. Which one of your partners annoying sleeping habits? Because more women are snoring than men. Fact.

Yeah, well, especially younger women. So up to 34, women are snoring more than young men. Yeah. 25 to 34. So we want to know what else they're doing that's annoying. This can be guys or girls. Someone said, my husband does what can only be described as the electric eel, where we sleep in peacefully, but every 34 seconds,

his whole body does this weird spasm thing. I do that. Oh, no, sometimes I do that when I'm falling asleep. You just go. Oh, yeah, but that's not. That's like just a jolt, isn't it? Yeah. This is like every 34 seconds, he goes off. It's terrible.

As you know, you have 23 seconds to get to sleep between each twitch and you end up counting the seconds down to the next one. What the hell? So you can set a clock by him. Wow. I'm going to boil some eggs. I don't have a watch on me. Time how many twitches dad does.

He's under five minutes. Quick, take it off if you want a soft-boiled egg. Wicked. Yeah, so other things. Snoring so badly, had to have surgery after 12 years of my whining. Nearly died in surgery. They didn't get to finish the surgery. I can guess I can live with the snore.

Oh, my God. Imagine if he died in surgery. That you forced him to eat. Yeah. Yeah. Sleep fighters. Hearing from lots of sleep fighters. People who are just in the middle of the night will be like,

and just start lashing out wildly. Like Megan, you get elbowed. Elbowed from Toyboy, but that's your fault for sleeping at elbow level. Few people doing that too. Few people saying that they agree with Megan, they sleep with their feet off the end of the bed, so that means they have to sleep halfway down the bed.

What about the monsters though? No, because the blanket's tucked in. I just get a coin size and sleep sideways. Twist the whole bed sideways. Courtney, your partner's annoying sleep habit. Yeah, my partner gets night terrors. Okay, so what does that mean? He'll be deep asleep.

Yeah, so he'll be deep asleep, and then all of a sudden he'll wake up either screaming or he'll throw the blankets or just yell random things. It's really nice. So what, is he having a bad dream and there'll be monsters or something? Yeah, so he'll be having like a really intense bad dream and yeah, he'll just wake up screaming. The latest one was he thought that there was giant birds attacking him in his sleep.

They're like vivid, intense nightmares. And he can remember, he'll stand up on the bed and go like flying off the end of the bed. He's that terrified. Oh my God. Are you having a lot of cheese bed. He's that terrified. Oh, my God. Are you having a lot of cheese before bed, Courtney? No. No, he's just a bizarre human being, I think.

Also, that would scare the crap out of you. He's up and gone. The very first time it happened, I thought that there was someone breaking into the house. But I'm used to it now. Yeah. It's just another bloody year. Yeah, no one's going to break into your house. Thanks for your call, Courtney.

Georgia, your partner's annoying sleep habit, what is it? It's actually mine. Okay, so what do you do? I'm a sleep talker, and one night I had a really busy day at work because I'm a daycare teacher, and I stood up and I sung Baby Shark to him in my sleep. Yes. He can't escape that.

And he just sat there and listened. Wow. Was it in tune? Did he say he sang it nicely? Um, yeah, he, yeah,

he was okay with it. Did he get his phone out? Because I would have recorded you to use it later. Against you. Yeah, that came out on my 21st.

Good. Brilliant. Georgia, thanks you called some text messages. Some other text messages. My first husband slept walked a lot, nude out the front door a few times and down the street on more than one occasion.

I should have just let him go. You've noticed here they said first husband. First husband, yeah. First husband. I've got three daughters, nine, 11 and 13 and they all snore like drunk fat men. Wow. That's something. That's got to be.

That's genetic. Genetic, right? Drunk fat men. My dad moved a huge wardrobe That's got to be genetic, right? My dad moved a huge wardrobe in front of the bedroom door in his sleep and in the morning woke up and couldn't move it. So he must have had some sleep strength. That's weird, eh? A lot more people were saying about

the spasming during sleep. My husband insists on tucking in the duvet. No, you tuck the sheet in. No, they say he tucks in the duvet No you tuck the sheet in No they say he tucks in the duvet It makes it so unbelievably hot No air can get in or out How am I convincing that duvets are not designed to be tucked in

They're not meant to be are they They just sit on top Why don't you give him a sleeping bag If he wants to be He can sleep in a sleeping bag And you have the duvet But also tuck his side in and leave yours flapping out. Yeah, true.

That could just be a half a bed situation. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I once cut my hair in my own sleep. So that's lucky they didn't have a partner at that stage because you wake up and you've been to Just Cuts. Because if you're lying on the head,

you're just going to have a mullet by default. Yeah, yeah. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that in times of war, it's illegal to, this is under the Geneva Convention. Yeah. The rules of war. Which always seemed weird to me growing up when we were learning about is under the Geneva Convention. Yeah. The rules of war. Which always seemed weird to me growing up when we were learning about World War II and stuff. Yeah.

That there was rules to war. Yeah. It's like, you can kill anybody, but here are some things that you can't do along the way. Yeah. Yeah. So it's illegal in war to pretend to be hurt to trick your enemies. Oh, what? That was my go-to if I was in a war.

Yeah, totally. Or like. What about pretending to be dead no that's you know you are not allowed to um feign the incapacitation by wounds or sickness yes it's gonna be my thing which is gonna be like i'm dead and then like they come down and you're like yeah well no i just going to play dead so that I didn't die. Oh. No, but they go around and they're like, boom, boom, boom. Just double tap everyone.

Yeah, just to make sure you're dead. Imagine being like, faking you're dead and like, living through it and then being tried for a war criminal because you like, faked your... Yeah, because there's like, way worse things happening, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. You think of all like, the Nazi war criminals, they did some terrible things.

Yeah. And the other people, you just, and you're here at the Hague. What did you do? I pretended to be dead because I didn't want to be shot. And then when they came closer, I shot them. Oh. And with Hitler.

Yeah. Oh, man. So these are the other things you're not allowed to do. You're not allowed to pretend to surrender. And then shoot them. And then shoot them other things you're not allowed to do. You're not allowed to pretend to surrender. And then shoot them. And then shoot them. So you're not allowed to be like, I surrender, white flag. And they're like, put your hands up.

You're like, okay. And then when they come close, bang, bang, bang. Right. That's kind of fair enough. You're also not allowed to pretend to be a civilian. So they're like, who are you? I'm just a farmer. And then they come close and then you're a farmer

and you pull the guns out off the back of your horse and shoot them. Yeah, but like if you shoot them, who's going to tell that you did that? Your horse. Okay. Oh, you'd probably shoot your horse just so there was no witnesses. And the feigning of protected status. So like you're not allowed to be like, I'm from the UN and have like a UN armband on.

That's drawn on and vivid. Yeah. Is it? Come closer and have a look. Why don't you? Or pretend to be, for example, the neutral territory of Switzerland. Oh, yeah. I'm just a Swiss boy.

I come to hurt no one. You're not allowed to do that either. Oh, right. There's a whole lot. I mean, I guess there's got to be some rules. But then there's other things called ruses of war. Right. Where you're allowed to, like, trick people.

And so those are kind of saying, I'm weak, you're playing it down. Yeah. But then you're, like, totally allowed to do things like, there was this ship that was decommissioned, and they built big fake gun turrets on it to make it look like this insane, totally all right. Like a warship. Because that's talking yourself up.

You're not allowed to talk yourself down, basically. Okay, right. Interesting. So when you see on war movies and stuff, dudes dress up as little civilian grannies being like, good morning, Gestapo. Yeah. And they're like, guten morgen.

Yeah. They're breaking the rules. And then they're like, surprise. And they're not a granny. They're like a full-blown American war hero. Yeah, right. That would have been against the Geneva Convention. So brutally murdering people okay.

Yes. Not pretending to be a granny Not pretending to be a Swiss granny Who's in a walker Waving a white flag Okay With a union arm in Playing injured No that's totally illegal

So today's fact of the day is You aren't allowed to pretend to be sick To trick your enemies in war Fact of the day Day day, day, day, day, day. A great day yesterday. I'd put it up there with man landing on the moon. Convention of cars.

The splitting of the atom. Ground breaking for human race. Yes, groundbreaking yesterday because Snapchat launched lenses or filters that work with your cat. Because you could do it with some people's cats and dogs, but it was really hard and only happens sometimes. Snapchat say that they always work on dogs and humans.

Have always been easy for you to get your dog wearing, you know, some stupid glasses and stuff. But never cats. The only one that ever worked with my cat was the one that makes your face all warp like a pear. And that would work on the cat. It would work on you because it just blurred anything, really. Right, right. But now they work with your cat. It would work on, yeah, just because it just blurred anything, really. Right, right.

But now they work with your cat. Cat specific. Have you done it yet? Of course I've done it. Do you, can you use the same ones as your cat or do you have to put it on cat mode? So there's ones and it says try with your cat. Yeah.

And you're in it as well. Okay. There's one where I'm, where we're both wearing watermelon hat, helmets. Yes. And glasses. I saw that both wearing watermelon hat, helmets. Yes. And glasses. I saw that one. So good.

So much fun. And so yesterday it was like, crazy cat lady rejoice. I'm on your gram. So good. Don't go and look at his gram. No, definitely don't. Fletch in his head if you want to see the new filters. I've tried them out with Kaz.

He wasn't impressed. He doesn't really look impressed by anything. He's going to kill you one day. But as a crazy cat lady, what a day yesterday. What a day. I told you, it works on cats. He's a watermelon. I know.

He's cute, isn't he? I am reading a book. It's called Gene Eating. I didn't mean that to sound like I'm reading a book, because I've read a few this year, actually. Dr. Giles Yao. He is a Cambridge University geneticist. Yes, I've practiced that. Because I'm seeing this book in the news a bit, eh? Because some

of the stuff he's talking about is, well, I guess it's what we're all dealing with. Yeah, genetics and how it affects your weight. So he has worked out, and this is right at the start of the book, and I haven't read much further than this, but it starts off very depressing. Yeah. So between the ages of 20 and 50, the average person puts on 15 kgs. Just standard. 15! I mean, I understand at what point in life do you give up

and you're just like, oh, well, I'm going to be fat. Well, also, your metabolism slows down naturally as you get older. He talks about other things in your body like stop functioning as well. You're less energetic. You do less exercise just because you're getting older. So you put on between 15 kgs and more for some people. He's worked it out, though. So if you take the 15 kgs of weight over 30 years, that's 75,000 calories

or 2,500 calories extra a year. That's all it's going to take for you to put on weight. 2,500 calories extra a year. I could do that. I'm pretty sure I did that yesterday at Yumcha. Yeah. So this is the depressing thing. He said that equates to 7 calories extra a day is all it's going to take for you to put on 15 kgs over that time.

So that's the thing. If you're not doing some kind of activity every day, then it's just going to be hard work. Yeah. So that's basically, I mean, you can work on it every single day, but you also need to make sure that you're not doing more than... Well, I know genetically, I mean, I don't need a book to figure it out, but if I don't do exercise, I put on weight I mean, I don't need a book to figure it out, but if I don't do exercise, I put on weight.

That's just the way it is. Yeah. So that's why every day I just try to do something. Yeah. He said that it is hard written in our DNA. Some people are more genetically prone to obesity and to be heavier than others. So you can either work, you probably have to work harder

to keep it off. Otherwise, you will just be a little bit heavier. What common ancestor gave us that? You know, everyone that's got blue eyes apparently traces back to one person. And there's people who have got old Genghis Khan stuff because the guy, apparently one in three people in Asia can be traced back to him. Who was the fatty? Who blew out in the family tree and made us all have this gene? But if you were with someone who was genetically slender.

My wife. Yeah, and then you genetically were bigger. Yes, current situation. I wouldn't pass you on that, but okay. What is dominant? If you, you know, is obesity dominant or is slender dominant when you breed? Because obesity, is that the reason why it's more common now? Is that a more dominant gene?

That's what I'm saying anyway. I'm blaming it all on the genes. So what you're saying is let's roll the dice on it and skinny people have to start sleeping with bigger people. Just do your part. Have some kids and see what happens. For science. This sounds like a depressing book.

Well, like I said, I've only just started it. Right. Why are you starting like this? Say that shit for the end. You don't want to put people off at the start. Well, no, he's kind of just saying everything in moderation. Like people always say, he said, there's lots of fad diets. If you just watch what you eat the majority of the time,

do a moderate amount of exercise, you should be fine. That's what I'm saying about Yamcha. You're always watching what you eat because they're all those truffles around and you're like, what you got there, buddy? Some of that. Is that barbecue? Yeah, bring that over here. Where you going with those?

You come over here, my boy. Mango pancakes. Oh, didn't go mango pancakes yesterday. What are those ice cream dumpling things? They're just ice cream balls. They're pretty good. They're pretty good. Get them and a couple of mango pancakes, you get yourself a dessert.

No need to get on the dessert trolley. They carry those around individually. CDM's, Fletch, Vaughn and dessert. No need to get on the dessert trolley. They carry those around individually.