ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - October 15 2019

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Vaughan found a giant egg, Am I A Bad Person and have you been to a themed wedding?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning. Megan's a little grumpy this morning. I'm just having one of those days where I'm a little bit upset with humanity. Just need a wee break. It's as if you're wearing your Russian interrogation jacket.

Opens the door. Only Fletch laughed at that We need to talk No because earlier I was like You do look like A German commandant The Germans were afraid To go for a sort of

A darker Like a what do you call that A forest green Like a darker khaki Megan can never wear A new item of clothing Without us saying Anything about it.

I personally, I really like it. Don't bat people now and say you like it. No, no, no. You know, I'm a huge fan of Russian interrogations. So what? But in all seriousness. When they're like, oh, I'm having a bad day. Like, I'm just feeling disillusioned with humanity.

And your friends would be like, oh, man, Anya said, can I make you a cup of tea? Like, what can we do to make it better? You two double down on taking the piss. It could be worse. Anya's a kiss arse, though. No, I... She's a nice person. I like the jacket.

I like the jacket. Because Vaughn didn't... I very much like the jacket. I'd love to have a big jacket like that. When you wore the Jetstar jacket, Vaughn didn't say, but seriously... When did she wear the Jetstar jacket?

I wore a Jetstar dress. I like it. A dress. It was an orange dress. That's right. You didn't backpedal for the dress. Oh, no, no didn't say but seriously. When did she wear the Jetstar jacket? I wore a Jetstar dress. I like it. A dress. It was an orange dress. That's right. You didn't backpedal for the dress. Oh, no, no, no.

Not the jacket. No, I like the jacket. The dress is well and truly gone. Does it have pockets? Yes, it has pockets. Did you only wear your inside pockets?

No. Girls' jackets don't have inside pockets. You've been ripped off. Nothing's better than an inside pocket. No, because you can't put stuff because

your boobs go there. Under the boobs. Oh, yeah, right. Nothing's been in an inside pocket. No, because you can't put stuff because your boobs go there. Under the boobs. Oh, yeah, right, okay. Like against the ribs. But then, like, Sade's had a jacket with something on the inside she said she hated putting something on it because it changed the shape. Oh, right. Yeah, right. You should wear your Jetstar dress under that.

No, I threw it out. Holy shit. It's well and truly gone. Did you? Really? Yeah. So you only wore it once because Vaughn teased you. I wore it twice. But both times I got teased. You should have given it back to Jetstar and then they wouldn't have had to pull out of the regions. Okay, see ya. Seriously though, I like the jacket. I'm out.

I like the jacket. Yeah. I like the jacket. FFS. I really do. Oh, we're having fun, aren't we? Better than the Fonz over here. She was quiet. Anya's in a denim jacket

with a lambskin. I actually like that jacket too. It's a shirling jacket. That's very in. Is that what it's called? Because I've got a denim jacket, but it doesn't have the woolly bits, and I want one with the woolly bits, but I'm too scared I couldn't pull it off. Can you stop acting like you're compliments of fashion, man, anything? Like you're

the archbishop of a good eye? Thank you. That's the archdeacon. I've gone beyond. But I don't think I could pull it off because as harsh as I am critiquing everybody else, my biggest criticism is myself. And your English. And my inability to get it closer.

And my biggest criticism is my fat home. Very hard to get it closer. And my biggest problem with them is my fat home. Very hard to drag it out. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Well, story time. I've got three news headlines that I found online for quirky, odd, interesting news stories in Vaughan and Megan. You must deliberate, decide, and pick one of the following three.

Headline one, teacher banned for two years. Headline two, insurance fraud not defrosted. And headline three, itsy bitsy teeny weeny bikini. I think I know story three. Okay. Itsy bitsy teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini. Someone got fined for literally wearing string as a bikini? Yes.

Where? Indonesia. Yeah. Oh, okay. That's not a progressive. And I think it worked out about $50, $60. $50 or $60. Because they're very conservative.

Very conservative over there. I didn't actually see the bikini. Were they exaggerating? No, I saw an unsense because a lot of the news sites had this censored, but I found some original postings or some UK websites posted it. Oh, yeah, it's pretty. It's pretty bitsy. It's pretty.

Was it in Bali or? No, actually, it might have been the Philippines, I think. Philippines, not Bali, yeah. Yeah, Philippines it was. Philippines, yeah. Right. Not Indonesia. Even less progressive. Yeah. Yeah, Philippines it was. Philippines, yeah. Right. Not Indonesia. Even less progressive.

Yeah, no, very much so. Okay, that one's done. So do you want insurance fraud, not defrosted? That's two. Or teacher banned for two years. Insurance fraud, not defrosted. Yeah, go on. That one.

All right, we go now to, oh God, every time you go to a European website, are you okay with cookies and your privacy? Whatever. We go to Italy now. Nice of them to ask. It is. A pair of Italian motorists have tried to make a compensation claim for their vehicle.

Now, I don't know if they damaged their vehicle in a way that they couldn't get compensation. So they were like, well, we better fake up some insurance here. So they devised a plan where they claimed their vehicle collided with a wild boar. And then obviously like damaged the vehicle and ran off the road. So they staged the accident. But it all became undone when investigators found that the pig was not, was frozen inside. Oh. The boar.

So they must have had this whole boar in a freezer. From a hunting expedition. From an expedition. And then got it out and staged a road accident in Sardinia. Man, they should have put it in the microwave and defrosted it a bit. Apparently in this area, rural areas of Italy, cars often collide with such animals. And so that wasn't, you know, that was quite believable. But it was when a police became suspicious that the boar didn't really have any injuries.

Like, I don't think they... Didn't smash the boar into the car. No, no. They just put it there. This is odd and felt a bit cold, and they got a vet to examine the carcass, and that's when they discovered the boar's internal organs were frozen and that the accident was fake and for insurance purposes.

That's like the old fishing competition. You know how, yes, people go in, they're like, I caught one, I caught the biggest one. And they caught like a snap of three weeks before that was massive and they knew the fishing competition was coming, so they freeze it. But then when they defrost it, it goes sloppy. So they've got to kind of weigh it when it's still defrosted

on the outside but frozen on the inside. Yeah. Because I've always thought about that. You could just go to one of those fish markets or supermarkets and get a whole fish, put it on the line, and say, look. If you just swim it around in the water for a bit, like wanting it defrosted. It'll be salty.

It gets the manky juice off. And then if you are, like, swimming it around in the water a bit on a hook and then a bigger fish eats it. Oh, when you win. When you've got a bigger fish. Yeah. Bonus. That's an absolute win for everybody.

You were like, I was going to cheat but now I don't need to. And then I don't know if even alerting to them the fact that you planned on cheating would get you disqualified. Yeah, true.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. It feels like only maybe a couple of weeks ago that we had to tell men to stop putting toothpaste on their penises

because, why were they doing that? Whitening them. No. Wasn't it to make them bigger? So they don't get cavities. Get rid of the plaque. Yeah, that was a warning that was put out. Now we have to tell women to put toothpaste on their vaginas.

Wow, okay. We have to. Why? Why are people doing this? Apparently this is gaining popularity overseas and the reason they're doing it is... On? Or in?

Big difference here. Into. Into. here. Into. Big difference, yeah. Into. Into. To tighten. Well, geez, I hope you're wiping the end of the bloody tube. Can I tell, so there is, Dr. Vanessa has had to put out a statement.

Right. She is from the Royal College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists. And so she knows what she's talking about. Do you know what country she's from? Like, where's this happening? Surely not New Zealand. I don't think it's happening in New Zealand, but I don't know where Dr. Vanessa is from.

Okay. But it's gaining popularity overseas. And I've obviously seen some people who have a bit of a plight after doing this. Should I read her statement? It's very scientific, but, you know. Well, I mean, maybe because if people are doing this, they should stop. Okay, I'm just going to read it real quick.

Putting toothpaste into the vagina or the vulva would not only be uncomfortable, but it could also cause serious damage and disrupt the natural flora of the vagina, leading to the potential for infections. The natural flora? Yeah. So there are flowers in there.

Flora and fauna, the animals and the flowers. Leading to the potential for infections. The natural flora. Yeah. So there are flowers in there. Flora and fauna, the animals and the flowers. Leading to the potential for infections like bacterial vaginosis and thrush. Okay, right. Wow. This is a lot to take in at this time in the morning, isn't it? I know. I was just like, that sounds very scientific. I didn't want to dance around like trying to.

No, don't. Tell us, tell it how it is. Yeah. So she says it's a remarkable thing and can protect itself. Yeah, right. But, you know, if you're putting toothpaste. Don't do it. It's not great for it.

Would you use whitening or the stripe one? Oh, only the best. Probably baking soda. Baking soda toothpaste. Jeez. Because there's that old, the age-old toothpaste for hickeys, which is meant to do something. And zits.

Did you ever hear that? And pimples, yeah. Pimples. I used to dab toothpaste on my zits. But they actually do something for zits, don't they? It doesn't do anything for hickeys. Well, because it would go on. It was kind of like a weird pepperminty face mask.

So it would go on like wet, and then once it dried, it would kind of like tighten and dry them up. I don't know if that's actually scientific, but that's what I used to do. Yeah, I've just Googled a lot of people saying, yeah, the hacky thing does work. It can have a soothing effect on the hacky and can also help dissipate the blood clot

and speed up the healing process. But you don't want to use too much because that could irritate the skin. Right. Does it work for pimples? And then does toothpaste help with pimples? Bottom line, in some ways it's true. It could dry out and shrink the pimples faster than doing nothing.

But instead of toothpaste, use a dab of salicylic acid cream or tea tree oil. You can buy that in the supermarket, eh? Tea tree oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's real expensive. Reminds me of nits. Is that how you get rid of nits? Yeah, you get a Tea tree oil. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's real expensive. Reminds me of nits. Is that how you get rid of nits? Yeah, you get a tea tree shampoo.

Because that's what dries out your pimples, does it? The tea tree oil. I don't know because it's oil. Was it like an anti-sits? Maybe it's an anti-something-o-the-other. Yeah. Well, okay, so good for zits and hickeys but not good for...

Down there. Jenis. Don't put toothpaste on your jennies. That's what we can settle on. We don't know much about this funeral. There's a video of this funeral, and we know it happened in Ireland due to accents, and that's about it. Yeah.

Well, I guess you could say the countryside in the background is very Irish looking. Yep. But an Irishman died and at his funeral as the casket had been lowered into the ground and there was a bit of music playing

Yep. a noise started coming from the casket. Hello? Hello? Hello? Hello? Let me out! Where the f*** are you? Hello? Hello? Let me out! F***ing hell! Is that that priest I can hear? Is that the priest I can hear? So what? He rigged up a recording.

And a speaker. A speaker in there. Now, I don't know. I can't find whether or not it was like a Bluetooth speaker and it was a recording on somebody's phone. And they connected to it. Or what the story was. Now, there doesn't look to be any wires. Right.

It looks to be, and you can't open a casket once it's in the ground, so see you later, Yui Boom. I'd spend $100 or $200 for that. Yeah. Like, that's pretty legendary. Yeah, yeah. You could write that off as a funeral expense. Well, you don't have to be around to proclaim your jealousy on that anyway.

What about his grandkids? They'll be like, mum? I know, because you could hear like a small kid. Yeah. And you're like, how do you explain that to like a five-year-old? Oh, he is still dead. That's a recording. And everybody's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Laughing, yeah. Hysterically at the fact that this guy's down there. But yeah, the video's gone pretty crazy online. Everybody's saying there's not too many countries where you could probably get away with that and everyone laughed apart from Ireland. Yeah. I feel like Kiwis would laugh at that. Yeah.

Good sense of humor. Maybe, I don't think it would go down in a place like America. No. Probably not as well. No. Probably not as well. You've always talked about you wanting a springed up spring loaded you want to be at a

like an open casket Yeah. funeral and then you want to be sprung up like you're alive. Like that. So there'd be a noise. There'd be a noise.

So we'd need a speaker. Yeah. And then I'm I spring up. Okay. And then twist. So like cut me in half. I'll be cut in half. I won't be. Okay. Cut me in about Rick and Mortis? I'll be cut in half.

I won't be. Okay. Cut me in half. So you're giving permission to be cut in half? Put a bit of plywood on the bottom. A hinge? Pull up through the plywood into my internal cavity. Right.

Yeah. But the problem is secure me down because if that flings up top half of me, it could go skyward. And then that wouldn't be as funny. Yeah, no. If you had to pick me up and put me back in. Or you would find it funny. I don't think Indy would.

No, I don't think. Yeah, or your wife, Charlotte. I can't imagine she'd be stoked with any of this. No, pretty traumatic time for everybody, really. If your dead father's top half got flung across the funeral home. Yeah. Fletchfawn and Megan, the podcast. ZM.

Australians are taking to house sitting and not having a permanent place of residence. I guess you've got to have somebody send you mail. So maybe like mum and dad's house. Yeah. Or like a friend's place. Or we just get a P.O. box. Oh, you can get a P.O. box. How much does a P.O. box cost?

Because do you ever see those when you go to the post shop? There's like walls and walls of little doors. P.O. Box. Do you know as a kid, I never knew what that was. You always said on TV, they'd be like, P.O. Box. No, no, we'd go past the ones in town and I'd just be like. Do you think maybe little people lived in there? I had no idea.

But I wanted one really badly. Yeah. But what about like couriers? They don't do, no, they don't deliver the P.O. Boxes. Well, yeah, if you're getting couriered, maybe if you're house-sitting, you've got a job and you just get it delivered to work. Oh, work.

Just get it sent to work. I'm just trying to find. I guess it doesn't really matter. How much a PO box costs. Oh, well, what do you want? You're not a farmer. Just a PO box. Just a normal PO box.

How big? Oh, I don't know, just a little one. Just a small PO box. How big? I don't know. Just a little one. What is this? Just a small little one. The PO box rental fee is paid annually in advance. Five-day sort means your mail is sorted and delivered to your PO box each weekday. Six-day sort means Saturdays. Right.

Excluding public holidays. So you only want a five-day. Yeah. Five-day. No big deal. Standard, $210 a year. A year. Well, that's not bad.

To have a letterbox. At the post, that'd be sweet. Oh, you want a private bag? Why do I need a private bag? What's the difference? Private bags are available at selected lobbies. Your mail is sorted and delivered to your private bag each weekday. Six-day sort options are not available.

We don't, okay, all right. It's $200 a year. $365 a year. Okay, well that's so's $300 a year. $365 a year. Okay, well that's so bad. Get a private bag. It doesn't matter. It'd be way more fun to say private bag than power box. It makes you sound way more bougie.

Someone's saying, what's your address? Private bag, 3248. I'd be like, what is wrong with you? Private bag, 47. If anyone was going to have a private bag, it would be you. Why would I? I've already got a letterbox. Because you're a deviant.

I've got a little, a deviant you're a deviant. I've got a little. A postal deviant. You're a 1970s postal deviant. I don't know. If I get anything, I just get it delivered to work. It all comes in non-script boxes. Especially if you ask for it and pay just a little bit extra. You can make it look like it's something else entirely.

Well, anyway, they probably got a private bag because they're saving themselves money. A couple that they spoke to specifically, Jess and Tamara, they reckon they've saved about $20,000 a year because they haven't had to pay rent and they haven't had to pay utility bills,

but they said there's other costs associated with it, but drastically less. Do you, could you handle that in your daily life? Not having the same place? No, because it shows what they take around and it doesn't,

I don't like the look of just carrying around one big like milk crate. Right. With stuff and a suitcase with your clothes. I don't mind that. It's just like the constant, like, where am I going after this? Like not having it all sorted out. Like you've got to know that. You're sorted for the year like, where am I going after this? Like not having it all sorted out. Like you've got to know that you're sorted for the year. Yeah, but you're not.

That's the thing. You might like, because I'm imagining these people house sit for like boomers that go to Europe for a two month cruise. So you know you've got a place for two months, but then what? Yeah. And it might not match up exactly. So you have two weeks and then you're house sitting again. Where do you go for two weeks?

Because I don't know if you know, but I'm a cancer. I need a home and I need to go back into my shell in my home. Is that a thing? I don't know. I believed it. It would just stress me out not having that same place to go back to. Yeah. So they said most of the time it's between two days and five weeks.

Imagine two days. Two weeks. Imagine two days. Two days. What a boy. I wouldn't do a two-day house sit. And the two days is because I've got pets. Producer Caitlin, you do quite a bit of house sitting for your friends. Yeah, I do. Because it's good to get out of a flat situation because it's kind of like a little mini break, isn't it?

Yeah, so when I was flatting with lots of people, it was my favourite thing to do. And I'd stay there for, yeah, like minimum three nights or two nights. Okay. And maximum like three weeks, I think I said. Would you go through their stuff? No.

If you didn't know them, would you go through all the drawers and stuff? I totally would. Oh no, I don't. Because I used to work for a woman

that used to work here at work, so I was a little bit scared. Oh yeah. But for my friend, I'd just borrow her clothes and stuff. But she knew that I was doing that. But yeah, the living out of a suitcase gets a little bit hard, but I loved it when I could just get away and be by myself. But you think about how much you pay for rent.

If you didn't have to pay that, that's all free at the end of the year. You can see why they're making $20,000 a year, $10,000 to $20,000 a year. But seriously, see why they're making 20 grand a year, 10 to 20 grand a year. But seriously, what do they do in times when they don't have anywhere to go? So I've just done a Google. Go to Bali.

And you can literally afford to, yeah. I've just Googled this. Quite a few, I've found one, for example, kiwihousesitters.co.nz. Free for owners. Sitters, a membership cost of $84. And then I'm assuming everyone's kind of on here is

registered so you know it's a bit legit and you probably get feedback and ratings I'm imagining. Are they paying people or it's still just free? I think if they've got pets, if they've got responsibilities while they're at that house, you've got to pay a person, right? I think so, yeah. Because if we've been away before if they've got responsibilities while they're at that house, you've got to pay a person, right? I think so, yeah.

Because if we've been away before, we've paid someone to feed the cats and the dog and everything. Because if they're just house-sitting, they'd probably just be like, oh, the cat didn't get fed today, but no big deal. It'll eat tomorrow. It'll eat a native bird. Way more to put a cat or a dog in a cattery. In all the, yeah, if you put them all in there, yeah. Feeding a cat's one thing, but going to Vaughan's house is like...

Oh, you've got a bloody farm. It's a menagerie. Someone described it the other day as a menagerie of animals. God, you spend all day feeding animals. No, but the thing is... You're never going to find anyone to house-sit your house.

They're all self-reliant. All the ones in the... All mine, all that I speak for, are completely self-reliant. Except your stupid dogs. Exactly. No, I don't want them. You've got to feed the chickens.

No, they've got one of these big things. I reckon they could survive a week without me. I'll fill it up and they stand on it and they can get their heads in there and they can eat there. How bougie is this? You've got a chicken feed that they stand on. And the lid opens and then they eat. So it's like a rubbish bin

with the little pedal. How is a chicken heavy enough to open a lid? They've got to work in twos. Oh my God, how did they figure that out? But then I've seen it happen. One's eating and the others are like, we're done. And they hop off and the thing shuts on its head. But it doesn't shut hard.

It's just like a little bit of a donk. One of the chickens actually just kept its head in there and kept eating. I was like, I've got to admire that. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Someone posted a picture from a menu. This was from the menu at Satya Chai Lounge on K Road in Auckland. They took a photo of the menu and has a lot of people. Some people find this funny.

Some people do not. Okay. What's this? Give me the name again. Satcha Chai. Oh, Satcha Chai. Lounge. Oh, because Satcha was a restaurant on K Road,

but there was one in Sandringer as well where I used to live. Yeah. God, top notch Indian food. Top, top notch. Top notch Indian food. Top notch. Should they do a good butter chicken because you know that's my go to.

I assume everyone does a good butter chicken. It's hard to If you can't do a good butter chicken you're probably not in business anymore but branch out.

They did these little now I can never remember the name of them they were like a cracker with a sort of an oniony sitch on top. A cracker with onion

on it. Oniony situation on top of the onion. Like a chutney. Kind of like a chutney, Megan, but it was maybe a bit more pulpy than a chutney. Oh, right. Okay. What kind of cracker?

Like a poppadom. Oh, okay. Like a poppadom. I was thinking like a snack. But a thicker poppadom. Oh, right. Okay. A thicker than a poppadom, because you know poppadoms are brittle. I don't like poppadoms. I don't like a snack. But a thicker poppadom. Oh, right. Okay. A thicker than a poppadom.

Because you know, poppadoms are brittle. I don't like poppadoms. I don't like poppadoms. I love poppadoms. If someone knows what Vaughn's talking about, please message. There's an onion on top of a cracker. Well, it sounds delicious. Making it a lot more simple than what it actually is.

So the photo from this menu, I'll read you the part that has caught everyone's attention. Okay. An onion. No, it's not an onion. It's like an onion bhaji. Okay. So it says, please let us know if you have any allergies or dietary needs. We will do our best to look after you, but we cannot guarantee traces of allergens will not be there.

Right. You should put that on all menus. Yep. And then it says $5 surcharge for hipster allergies. Nice. See, I think that's quite funny. That's where the problem is. Yeah.

You think it's funny because you don't have a hipster allergy. You don't have an allergy. So I'm imagining these are people, they're sick of people, because you've talked about this. People can actually be gluten intolerant. And it's quite a... You don't have an allergy. So I'm imagining these are people, they're sick of people, because you've talked about this. People can actually be gluten intolerant and it's quite a serious. It's very serious. It's very serious. You can make someone very sick.

But then there are also these people that are like, I'm gluten free just because I'm watching what I eat. I know, but you can't use those people to tarnish the people who have serious allergies. But it's their fault, isn't it? So you're saying they've done it as a deterrent to stop the people who are like, I'm gluten intolerant. Using up all the gluten-free ingredients.

Right. Okay. Well, the people who have serious allergies are not happy with this. And said someone with celiac disease has to pay more because these ignorant twats think it's a hipster allergy. Twice in the last three months I've ended up. I don't think you should be saying twats. Was it twats or was it twats? I don't know.

Because twats, T-W-A-T, twat, not as offensive. Twat, very offensive. Don't keep saying it. Don't say, Megan, you've said this offensive word and then say it two more times. Oh, that's like that time I said that other word the wrong way. I've learnt that as well. Yes.

So then lots of people are like, I've ended up flawed for days because something was supposedly gluten-free. I guess the problem is, like, as well, they're saying it's $5 extra for someone who's needing something to be made gluten-free, which I don't know if that's very fair. No. But then sometimes there are gluten breads that might be a couple more dollars.

You can have like a, yeah, a charge out for if you actually have to change it for a gluten-free bread. You see that on the bun, don't you? Like buns, whatever, but plus two bucks for a gluten-free one. Yeah. I mean, I get they're trying to be funny. I get it. But like, people can get very sick. Yeah. I mean, I get they're trying to be funny. I get it, but like, it's, people can get

very sick. Yeah. You two just find it funny, don't you? I'm just going through yummily.com to try to find out what those onion things are called. What those little entrees are called. It doesn't sound appealing. I think that's more the way he's putting it. Yeah, I don't think

I'm doing a good job selling it. I don't think anyone does entrees better than Thai entrees. Like Thai entrees are where it's at. Money bags. Money bags. Money bags. Like handmade money bags. Chicken.

Sauteed. Gotcha. But sometimes you'll go Thai and you'll be like money bags and you can tell they've just got frozen ones. And deep fried them. And deep fried them. Don't get me wrong. Like a handmade money bag or a spring roll where there's been love and care put into it. Top deep fried them. And deep fried them. Don't get me wrong, like a handmade money bag or a spring roll

where there's been love and care put into it. Top notch entrees, but sometimes you feel really shortchanged by a Thai entree. It's not an onion bhaji. I don't think it is a bhaji. Those are the deep fried. Are they those onion balls? Yeah, they're deep fried. Those are good.

And then get a bit of that with a bit of that cucumber-y cold yogurty situation. Now the rest of our morning, Megan, is listening to Vaughn try to find this onion thing online for hours. I should just go to their online menu.

Oh, what a great idea. Yeah, dumbass. Flesh, Vaughn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Great news for women seeking contraceptives. So, Pharmac have announced that it will fund the full cost of the Mirena and the Jadis IUDs. So, they will be free. They used to cost hundreds of dollars. Right.

So, yeah, they're going to fund the full cost. Now you used to pay for the IUD itself and then you'd pay for it to be inserted. Right. Two different costs. Now the IUD is that the

one that goes in the arm? No. Is that a different one? That's a different one. So these two... What is that one called? The rod? The rod. I can't remember what the proper name for it is.

So that goes in the guns? Yeah, in the bicep. In the bicep. Right. Right, so this one that you're talking about is the one that looks like a wishbone on a chicken.

Yes. Yeah. Wishbone on a chicken. A little plastic wishbone. Yeah. Okay. So how does this work? Is it the plastic itself or is there something in... Yeah. Wishbone on a chicken. A little plastic wishbone. Yeah. Okay. So how does this work?

Is it the plastic itself or is there something in? Because the plastic, does the plastic go into the tubes and like say stop? I don't know. I don't know. And I want to know how did they work out that that worked? I know. I think that was so many things. How did they get to the point where they figured this out?

Most things I can kind of understand. Some modern science. Yeah. Yeah. So that would last for five years? Yeah. Well, you can get them taken out as well, but yeah, it can last up to five years.

So the government's saying this is free, but you still have to pay. So that's what I don't understand because there was two costs involved. You'd pay for it and then you had to get it inserted and that's two expensive costs. If there's somebody listening that knows, is like maybe works in this field,

feel free to text in or give us a call. Because you can... 9696 0800 dial Z10 because I don't... Yeah, I'm imagining you'd still have to pay to get it. Yeah.

The device is free. Yeah. But you still pay to get it. So you can go to family planning or you can go to like a private practice to get it put in. Yeah. But yeah,

I think you'd still have to pay for that, right? So how does that work? What kind of experience is that? Unpleasant. Wildly unpleasant? No, I've never had it. Yeah. But from people I've spoken to, unpleasant.

How does that compare to the cost of like what the pill would be each month for five years? Well, you can get, I'm like six, is it six months now for like $3? It's pretty, I mean, it's pretty cheap. Okay. But you don't have to take a pill every day.

But there are different strokes for different folks, right? And there's different pills. Because different pills doesn't, I know the pill doesn't always agree with people. You take a while

to find one that works for you and then you have to remember to take it every day. Intern Anya, are you at the news desk or the social media centre? I'm in the news desk at present. Oh, because we're talking like something serious.

Okay, fair call. Now, this news is particularly upsetting to you because you just paid $500 for this? Yeah, $540 actually. Oh, wow, okay. Yeah, so I went to a GP to get it inserted. Yeah. This was probably about just over a year ago now. Okay. So I went to a GP to get it inserted. Yeah. This was probably about just over a year ago now.

Okay. And yeah, she was a painful experience both on the wallet and on the hoo-ha. Both physically and metaphorically a painful experience. It was. Financially and fanny-ancially it was. Don't say that word. Don't say that word. No, her heart's fine. Oh, I'm not for that.

The F word. Please don't say that. Yeah, nah. Okay, right. So, questions. Go on. How, like, do you know how it works? Yeah, so the Mirena one that makes it different, I believe,

is the fact that it's got hormones in it. Okay. So that's why it's so expensive. Yeah, right. Because the hormones is what the contraception is. It's the copper in the IUD that is spermicidal. Right. The Mirena specifically has progesterone in it,

which is great for women who are sensitive to estrogen. So this person said it changed their life. Right. $60 was the going rate, they said, to get it inserted. And somebody else said family planning, it's free for under 22-year-olds. Oh, Anya is so gutted.

That's not what Anya paid. The mistakes have been made. You just did this before the government changed it. And I, yeah, I mean, it's good that they've done this. And that would actually make it easier than doing, having to go to the doctor all the time and get the pill and pay for it. But then everybody's experiences are different. Ray, the free for under 22s and 60 year olds.

I had the Mirena for endometriosis treatment. It cost me $450 for the Mirena and $400 to have it put in. Wowzers. People saying, I've had the Mirena for six years. It was the best thing ever, but it was very expensive and the cost of the GP as well.

I wanted to get it done again, but unfortunately it was too costly. So now I'll be able to afford it, which is awesome. It helps regulate everything and it's very reliable in my experience. Because a lot of people have issues with endo or just periods in

general and the Mirena can really help. So this is amazing that it's now free. Great news. Great news. Someone said if you think getting the Mirena inserted used to be expensive, you should try having a child. which I can vouch for. Good call, actually.

Yeah. I've always got surprise. I need money for things. Surprise, I still need to eat. Christ, didn't you eat last week? Next thing you'll be wanting to clean yourself again. Yeah. Not on my ticket.

That certainly sounds painful on your hoo-ha too. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top Six. Hello. When you ready? What are you doing? What? None of your business. Let me plug that in.

I've unplugged my computer. I'm plugging it back in. Hello there. Tomorrow night, Wednesday night, Powerball is at $38 bajillion. Million. Million. Million. Am I right in saying if it gets to 50, it has to be one? It has to be one.

Has to be one. And then if it doesn't get one the old-fashioned way, they split it amongst the first division winners. Oh, God. Which still, if there's like three of them, 16.6 million. I mean, not if it was me, but when it gets split, because then lots of people get money. I like seeing what one person would do with that much money.

I know. Or like overnight. You imagine, no money, $15 million. Overnight, you're almost as rich as John Key, except it's all cash. Yeah, that's nuts. It's not tied up in assets and stuff. You're just like...

What would I do? I'd go nuts. It's party, baby. I know, I'd go nuts. You would go's nuts. It's not tied up in assets and stuff. You're just like... What would I do? I'd go nuts. It's party, baby. I know I'd go nuts. You would go so nuts. I'd be like a week later, I'd be like, there's nothing left. What happened? I don't know, it's a blur.

I just fell asleep. And now I've got nothing left. Oh, well. Easy come, easy go. Good work, though. Back to work. Yeah. Oh, you don't have a job anymore after what you did with your money.

That makes sense. That makes sense. That makes sense. But it's an extremely long odd. Each line on a Powerball ticket has a 1 in 38 million chance of having all six numbers and the Powerball. That's nuts, eh? So if you buy an eight-line ticket at $12, the chances of winning improve to one in 4.8 million.

At a triple dip, which is 18 lines of Lotto and Powerball for $28, you have a one in 2.3 million chance of winning. If you're going to wait 200 lines for $240, it comes down, but it's still quite high. It's $1,191,000. If you were going to drop $3,800 on 3,200 lines, it would be $1,119,995. If you were going to spend $15,000 and get

12,800 lines, you would have a 1 in 3,000 and get 12,800 lines, you would have a 1 in 3,000 chance. However, you've just spent $15,000. Yeah. But if you're a big dog, if you're a high roller. Oh, people are high rollers. I was reading the other day someone's bet

$100,000 on the All Blacks to go unbeaten at the World Cup. See, they could spend that on Lotto and have a much higher. And still lose. Yeah, totally. Totally they could. But.

I would have $100,000 just to like chuck on something at the risk of losing it. Sports betting. Those are the main ones. And he put $100 on the Warriors. I was like, what? Are you okay? What the hell's going on?

$100? This is nothing. People make big money on sports. I'm like, why? Bananas. So the top six things you're more likely to experience than winning a Powerball. Number six. You are more likely to step onto a golf course and hit a hole-in-one on a par three.

Really? The odds of an amateur golfer hitting a hole-in-one on a par three are one in 12,500. I've had a hole-in-one before. At mini golf? No, and mini golf. And actual golf too. Oh, and actual golf.

Yeah, actual golf. And I don't know what I'm doing. You just chanced it. Well, you were the one in $12,500. This is according to the National Hole-in-One Association. Okay. They tracked data through hole-in-one insurance that people take out in case they belong to a club because clubs have different rules,

but you could have belonged to it. Or if you get a hole-in-one, you've got to shout everybody. So you pay a monthly premium. Right, okay. And prize insurance plans. Yeah. So it'd be like, oh, if you get a hole-in-one in February in this golf course on this hole, you win that. So they did

the data on it. One in 12,500. Okay. Number five on the list of the top six things you're more likely to experience than winning Powerball this weekend. Death by hot water. Grim, okay. A scaling demise

happens to one in five million people. That means New Zealand, nearly at five million, someone's going to die next year of a hot bathtub. I never understand how that happens. Like, how do you just get into a hot bath or shower without

first touching it? The thing is, it's generally older people, right? So they step in and because they're a bit older, it takes a little bit of a click over to realise how hot it is and then they slip, fall in, hark it out. Oh, my God. It's pretty horrendous. Number four on the list of the top six things you're more likely to experience

than winning Powerball this week. You are more likely to have a genius child. Okay. Only 2% to 5% of children are considered gifted. And then that gets down even further when you are, say, genius. You have one in a one million chance of birthing a genius child. Are parents listening to this? Parents or our parents?

Everyone's parents. Yeah. It's always posting their kids. My, oh, they're so advanced. You've been advanced. Are they? Advanced is 50-50. Are they at uni and they're six?

No, I don't think so. Advanced is 50-50. No, 10. Actually, getting into uni at 10 is what qualifies your child to be a genius. Okay. So you are more likely to experience a genius child than winning Powerball. Number three on the list of the top six things you're more likely to experience than winning Powerball this Wednesday.

Becoming a saint. A guy called Gregory Bauer wrote a book called Life, The Odds. And your chance of becoming a saint is one in 20 million. Okay. So there's been about 100 billion people in history, and 5,000 have become saints. So by that, one in 20 million, there's a chance of you becoming a saint. And you can greatly increase your chances by becoming the Pope on the way.

True. Yeah. More likely to be a saint there. Number two on the list of the top six things you're more likely to experience than winning a Powerball this week. Dying from being a left-handed person who misuses a right-handed product. Really? One in seven million people in America,

one in seven million people are likely to die. As 45 Americans a year die from using left-handed, using right-handed things in a left-handed fashion. I never even thought about that. Like would chainsaws Would the cracks be Power tools So you think about You hold a

Skill saw or a circular saw On your right hand And you hold it down And you go like that If you were doing it left handed You have to be on the other side of it Oh Never thought about left handed power tools

No I never thought about that I just always think of Left handed scissors Because of that episode Of the Simpsons Where Ned Flanders Opens a leftatorium Yeah

And number one On the list of the top six things you're more likely to experience than winning Powerball this weekend, you're more likely to date a supermodel. Gregory Bayer in his book The Life of Odds ran the numbers and with how many supermodels there are and how many different people they date, you are one in 88,000 chance. Do Instagram models count? No. No.

Okay. That drastically drops. That drastically drops. That drastically drops. Okay. Well, not your chances. No offense, but. You'd have to take that whole situation into consideration. That is, you do it right, eh?

You do it right on Instagram. Any comment? What are you doing? Friends everywhere. That's today's top six. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far? And it's all thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor. Do you love free data?

Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay. Hey, guys, let's get back into that podcast. How to make the most of dating apps so if you're on tinder uh grinder bumble have i missed any out happen megan you've never used dating apps i don't know why i'm looking at you that was one that's i thought that was a joke was that what that was the same as grinder it It had no like... R-E-R. It's just an R. Right.

Grinder. Actually, I brought a grinder yesterday. Speaking of grinder. Oh, what kind? A coffee grinder. Oh, okay. Like a little cheap... When you put the beans in and you press it in. To do the French press.

Yeah. Because I've got all these... Just ended up with all these coffee beans that I've been given. Is it a multiple use grinder? Like could you grind pepper and... Spices. Yeah, it says spices as well. But I don't know if I'd want to put spices in and then... You want to give it a multiple-use grinder? Like, could you grind pepper and pepper? Spices, yeah. It says spices as well, but I don't know if I'd want to put spices in and then...

You want to give it a good tap between. Yeah, because otherwise you'd have spicy coffee. You wouldn't want to get it wet because then when you're grinding the coffee beans, there'd be some clumped residue. Anyway, grinder aside, how to make the most of your dating profiles. So I'll get to the number,

the biggest photo turn-offs in a second, but to make the most, the biggest photo turn offs in a second. But to make the most, just a couple of pointers. Being active at the right time. This is according to a study. 10.30 weeknights. Oh, that's so late. It's late, but then we go to bed quite early. But then you think of when we didn't have to wake up at 4 o'clock in the morning.

What time would you go to bed? Oh yeah, like 11. Exactly. So you're in bed. You're doing that, scroll through Instagram, Facebook, and you may as well just check Tinder or whatever app before you go to bed as well. So weekdays, 10.30. Sunday, during the weekend, Sunday, 2 o'clock, Sunday afternoons, the big time. When you're bored.

For dating apps, because you're bored and you're like, see what's out there. That's always where they always put motorsport on television. Any coincidence? I think not. You think not. Syncing with Facebook so that it uses algorithms to help you match people better. Like if you like certain TV shows, celebrities, whatever, it'll use the algorithms there to help match you on Tinder and those kind of apps. 33% of people surveyed in the study said that the pic is the most important thing.

They don't really read the profile. They shouldn't really be that long. Any words and bios. Don't worry. It's all about the picture. Right. So use a good quality image. Like a CV.

Like a CV. Well, if you're a hot model, then use it. It doesn't matter about your skills. Put a picture on your CV, sure. The number one photo turn-offs. Okay, so let's start with, we'll go from the bottom to the top. Posing with an animal you don't like. So posing with an animal that they don't like.

I'm guessing that they don't like. No, but that weeds out, like I'm a dog person. Yeah, true. So like I wouldn't want to date a cat person. Sure. Staged or forced photo headshots? Staged photos? Maybe ones where you are pretending to pick up the pyramids with your fingers?

Would that be a staged photo? Oh, I was thinking more like with a grey male background upstairs at Farmer's. Like a glamoury shot sort of situation. Or pretending to look candid on the beach or overlooking a view. Oh, I dropped something on the ground. And then, yeah, your friend takes a photo. Yeah. Something like that.

Next on the list are shirtless photos. A turn off. Yes. Well, that always depends what you're after. Well, yeah, I guess it depends what you know, yeah, what you're after. What you've got under the shirt. Next on the list, sorry, I'm having to work this out, by which of these chunks of the pie graph look the smallest.

Like, look at this. What colour were you just on? It goes yellow, red, blue, green, orange, light green. So we've just done blue. What's after blue? Green. Green. Partying.

Partying. So partying photos that might make you look a bit like you're an out of control partier. Maybe girls don't want to have to deal with that. Yeah. Brown opposite that orange. What do you mean? That one? Yeah.

No, we just did the staged or forced headshot. Mate, you did that. Are we going up in size? Yeah, we're going up in size. The blue should have been after the green. Go redshot. Mate, you did that. Are we going up in size? Yeah, we're going up in size. The blue should have been after the green. Go red. Next on the list, other.

And it doesn't specify what other is. Other always does pretty good. Other always does very well for itself. Yeah, doesn't it? Other's always a big slice of the pie. You could have 100 options and other would still have more than like the 25th option. Do you know what I think would be an other that isn't covered in this for dating profile turn offs? Cars.

Oh, is that not in there? It's not in there. Because the number one on the list is a group shot. And it's not clear which one of you is the person who's profile is being represented. Like don't put a picture, especially if all your friends are hotter than you. Why would you do that? Yeah, I know. And that is the number one photo turn off.

Group photos. It's a group photo. So get rid of all your friends. What about photos of exes or other girls? No, don't put other girls in there. But people do it. Do you think they do it deliberately? Because then you have to look at them and be like,

is that your ex? Is that what you usually go for? Is that your sister? She's hotter than me. I don't know. Like, do you think that she's attractive? Are you hooking up with your sister? Am I a bad person?

I've got anxiety about unleashing the crazy that's about to happen. Just like, this is going to be a fest debate. And let's just all remember these are real people. Megan's fired up about this. Oh, I'm just, I just, yeah, okay. Should I read it? Yep. Okay, so this was an Instagram DM.

Yes. It's from a guy. Am I a bad person? Please help. I have no idea how to even put this or write this without sounding like a guy. Am I a bad person? Please help. I have no idea how to even put this or write this without sounding like a tool. Me and my girlfriend have been together for a while. When we first got together, she was super healthy and lean. With time together, she put on a few noticeable KGs. I'm scared it will affect our sex life and become something bigger in our relationship.

I love this girl and all, but I just want a realistic answer. Am I a bad person for wanting her to get back into the gym lifestyle and lean with me as summer is approaching very fast and would love for us to have that together? Wow. If so, how do I tell her or approach the situation? How about that line where he said,

summer's coming up? And then he said he wants us to have this together. And it made it sound like he just wants to have someone to parade around. And it totally wasn't at all about affecting the sex life other than the vanity issue. Right. Yeah, wow.

Like, wow. I mean, doesn't everyone put on a couple of kgs? Over winter? We're hibernating. No, it's also just getting older. And Andrew's been with her

for a while, so that's just what humans do. So my, I totally get there's going to be people being like, you know, you've got to be healthy and stuff.

But like, if we're talking've got to be healthy and stuff. But like if we're talking a couple of kgs. Also, if you love someone, I genuinely don't think you notice when they fluctuate a few. Well, because you see them every day. You see them every day, so you don't notice. Yeah, because there's been times when my husband's like, oh, I've put on like five kgs. I'm like, I have not even noticed. And like, I do not even care whether he would be like heavier or cuddlier or whether he was slender. Because you love that person, you know? A bit more kush for the poosh.

Yes. Well, it makes a little spoon, being a little spoon, a lot more comfortable, doesn't it? It's just a softer And a more enjoyable experience It is This is how I sell it Yeah I just think that

Maybe he doesn't Maybe he Likes her But I don't know If that's genuine love Because I would never Write that about I would never write that

About my husband Yeah Ever Yeah I don't know If that's love man If you're genuinely Wor worried about somebody's health, if it was a health issue, I can understand.

And you're not a bad person for worrying about your loved one's health. Because you want them to be there forever. Don't you worry as long as possible. But if the line comes out of your mouth or is typed saying, summer's coming up and I want her to be lean so we can have this together. Indicating that you want her to look as good in a bikini as she did a couple of summers ago. That's weird.

Yeah, that is weird. That's a bad person. Because he said a couple of kgs. It's not like he said like 20. Put on a few noticeable kgs. Yeah. And you might be then worried about her health, as you say.

But that's just what people do. Unless she's put them all on in her feet. And she can't get her shoes on. And then he's concerned he can't wear shoes. And he's like, yeah, I bought you these Haviana jandals and they don't fit anymore. She's wrapping around in gumboot feet. But then a lot

of people do think That they have this I guess need to be Fit and healthy For their partner There are people You know those Fitspo couples

Yeah That are hard out And that's like There's a fair bit Of insecurity there For a long term relationship Right I can understand

Wanting to look the best For your partner But not But fitspo couples That's a hobby too. Like you both got similar interests. And you're really annoying. So let's take

some calls. 0800 DALES at M9696. Oh my god. I'm just like shocked at the text. I think you will be surprised. I don't think this will be as cut and dry as you think, Megan. I think you're expecting everyone to say he's a bad person. I don't think you will be as cut and dry as you think, Megan. I think you're expecting everyone to say he's a bad person. I don't think you're going to find that.

No. People, everybody agrees with you. Maybe you've been in the situation, you've had this where your partner has said this to you and you've been shocked or, I don't know, 0800 DALES AT M 9696. Is he a bad person? Am I a bad person? So, is this guy a bad person?

Because his girlfriend's put on a couple of KGs and, well, he wants her back in the gym. Somebody just messaged into the studio saying that they know their partner follows us on social media and he just jumped in the shower. They've gone through his DMs on the gram and he has not messaged us. She's very, very happy. There will be so many girls thinking that right now. She's going to be leaving the show temporarily to go and have a shower with him.

Oh, okay, lovely. That's nice. He's going to be like, what happened? What did I do? What's going on? He can thank us later. Yeah. You're not in trouble for something you didn't do.

Fuel. Great. You'll be back in the dog box something you didn't do. Fuel. Great. You'll be back in the dog box tomorrow when she has a bad dream about you. Yes. That's not fair because it feels real. So, wow, your text messages and calls. Is he a bad person? It is.

It's closer than I would have thought. I got the poll result in a second. The basic story is he says that she's put on a couple of noticeable KGs. Yeah. And some are coming up. Yep. And then we read between the lines, and he just wants her to look as good as she did two summers ago.

Yeah. Some text messages in. He is a bad person. How effing shallow. You don't love someone because they're a certain number on the scales. You love them because you love them for who they are. Okay. Somebody else said he seems really preoccupied with this.

He does. If it's this much of a problem, you know, as they get older. And if he goes bald, is she allowed to leave him? Oh, yeah, that's a good one. Because Sade didn't leave you, did she? No, but it was like a hot mess when she bought it. She knew she had a bit of reno to do. She knew that wags were coming through the floorboards.

The carpet was rough, so she pulled it off and she's happy with the hardwood floor. Thanks, Flooring First. Or whatever it is called. Let's take some calls. Alaska, we'll hear from both sides. What do you think? Is he a bad person? Well, no, he's not a bad person,

because there's no such thing as a bad person. But he has really twisted morals and needs to go see someone about it. If he's that shallow as a bigger girl on her fitness journey, let me tell you, there's nothing worse than a guy looking at you being like, yeah, you could be hot, but you're overweight. There's nothing worse.

But if you're that shallow, it's just really, like, you just look like a dick. And the warped perception of someone who carries a bit more weight being unhealthy. Yeah, and it's the thing. Like, I know so many women who go to the gym who are bigger, but they could literally bench press me, and it's terrifying. Yeah. So let me share our Instagram poll result. This is way closer than I thought it would be.

Is he a bad person? 54% of people saying yes. Wow. And 46% no. Isn't that insane? That's pretty much 50-50. Yeah, but the thing is, a lot of people who will be voting that will be men.

That's the problem, is that women, there's this huge culture about the fact that potentially, you know, women need to be this ideal solution for men to be happy. The thing is, most men don't necessarily want that. I know so many men that are chubby chasers and will chase the bigger

girl and will put the skinny girl aside because they're like, oh, you know, there's not enough there to love. But, you know, you've just got to find what your preference is. And if your preference is lean and thin, that's fine. But if his partner and he really loves her, he'll let it go. Yeah.

Okay, nicely said. Alaska, thanks for your call. Ryan, what do you think? Is he a bad person? No, definitely not a bad person. It sounds like when he met her, they were in a place where, you know, she was reasonably attractive and she's kind of let things slip. And

I think that pushing each other to be the best versions of yourself and your partnership and trying to synergize means that you can ask them those things or you can give them the gentle reminder that you know hey you're kind of letting things slip here maybe we just need to dial it back in a little bit and i think the thing that some people are missing in this conversation is that the two things aren't mutually exclusive you can love your partner and at the same time want them to look a little bit better people seem And I think the thing that some people are missing in this conversation is that the two things aren't mutually exclusive. You can love your partner and at the same time want them to look a little bit better. People seem to be caught up on the fact that if you're telling them they need to look better, that means you don't love them.

I just don't think that those two things have to, you know, both happen. But why? So you're saying the best version of themselves would be like more slender, though? I would disagree with that sentiment well it doesn't necessarily like it really kind of depends on the people and what they what they personally want i guess it kind of depends on what place it's coming from like is he pushing her to to look this way simply to be selfish or does he genuinely think that hey maybe she would be happier if she looked that way as well I mean I know Ryan can I ask how old are you I'm 24 years old

you haven't had the 25 metabolism slide yet Ryan you don't know that's coming look forward to that I've got a little pot belly man it only gets worse mate I just think there's no point relying so heavily on the aesthetics of someone or the way someone looks when just with age or anything can happen.

You can have an accident. Something can happen in your life where they will look completely different. Ryan. Ryan, thanks for your call. Ryan's not alone. It's pretty much 50-50 on this issue, which really has surprised. I'm surprised. I thought it would have been like 70-30.

My main issue with this is, everyone, a lot of the sentiment is you fall in love with the person, right? How they look at the time. A lot of people were saying you have to stay within what you looked like when you got together. That's not sustainable for anyone, weight-wise, age-wise. Like anything could happen to you. You could get an illness. you could be in an accident and you're not going to be the same as you were when you met someone. But that's also not

love. If you love the person it doesn't matter what they look like. He's not in love. That's just the end of the story. And then there's the exception to the rule. I'm simply getting better with age. I've gone full George Clooney. You're not wrong, you're quite cute. Everybody else is too scared to mention it. I'll come forward, I'll put my hand up and I'll say

I'm only getting better. That's why they call you daddy. By the way, I've done some background research on these people. Okay. What, you stalked them on Instagram? I've stalked them. Okay. He is definitely a bad person. Like, this is the craziest shit you can...

Why? If you saw it, yeah, nothing. Like... Well, you're saying there's hardly any weight gain. I wouldn't even say weight gain. I'd say body change. There's no, like, no discernible weight gain. Come on, man.

Cannot even tell the difference. Women have insecurities. This is BS. It's, it's, it's not nobody and I'm not going to because it's a private thing and this was no names

and, you know, no one needs to be dragged into this anymore. I hope she finds someone much nicer who respects her and loves her for who she is.

Flesh, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. ZM. Ariana Grande on ZM. Ariana Grande on ZM, you done? For that particular topic,

yes. 14 past eight, I'm just getting roasted over my nachos, which I always put sour cream

on. Dry, old, depression-era nachos. No guacamole, no sour cream, no lashings of

sriracha. enough cheese. No, there was so much cheese. Yeah, you can see the cheese. Okay. We have an issue on the show in little old Nelson. Megan's hometown. We are the number 13 breakfast show out of 14, second to last.

And we're there on Friday. Thanks to our friends at Grabber Seats. They've given us. No, they are grabbing us some seats. It's Grabber Seats, plural. Grabber Seats. Seat, they've given us. They know they are grabbing us some seats. It's Grabber Seats, plural. Grabber Seats are hooking us up some flights. We're going down Thursday night. We've got a bingo night, and I believe,

Producer Caitlin, you have secured us a venue to do bingo night at, our Cha-Chingo Bingo. We will see you at the New Street Steakhouse. This looks so fancy. It's actually really early on. Steak! Steak! Oh, God. Steakhouse. This looks so fancy. It's actually really early. Steak! Oh God. You're allowed one.

But then you don't eat meat. You order a steak too and I'll eat your steak too. I'm not ordering a steak. If you would like to join us in Nelson, you are one of the eight people listening, text Nelson to 9696. I'll let you have a bit of Caitlin's steak. And Worm will let you have a bit of Caitlin's steak.

We'll get the biggest bit of steak and we'll all cut it up and have a taste of the steak. So what we're doing is listening in to other radio stations and taking bits that made them better than us and Nelson. Because they're obviously appealing in some way to those in Nelson where they're not. We're learning from the masters. Yeah, so

we did our Megamix, our Georgia Femme Megamix on Friday which went down an absolute treat. Heck yeah. I reckon that's got to have worked. Today, we are looking at the number fourth breakfast show in Nelson. Number fourth. The number fourth breakfast show. Grab a Seedsmas in the fourths.

Okay. Maybe you can work on your English. Maybe the grammar is what doesn't appeal to people in Nelson. I don't know. No, I think maybe this version of it that you're doing on your English. Maybe the grammar is what doesn't appeal to people in Nelson. I don't know. No, then maybe this version of it that you're doing probably would appeal. Okay, right. So The Rock is number four. Yeah.

We know the guys at The Rock. Bloody top chaps. All of them. Great guys. We don't go on too much. We don't want to make people listen. Why? They're better people than us.

Oh, because they're nicer. How do we fix that? Good luck. I say we just write off Nelson now if it requires me being a better person. I don't have the time or energy for that. But one thing, undeniably, that The Rock does that's massive.

Yeah. I mean, there's Crate Day, but we can't get pissed at this time of the morning. I've got stuff to do this afternoon. Any other Tuesday? Fine. Yeah. Crack out the Cody. Yeah, get me in on Crate. No, you've got to drink beer on Crate Day. I always Any other Tuesday? Fine. Yeah. Crack out the Cody's. Yeah. Get me in. On crate? No, you've got to drink beer on crate days.

Oh, no. Yuck. I always do on champagne. That's why you push for long white vodka a day. Yeah. I think, personally, I think ZM should do a long white day where we all just drink long whites on the lawn. Are you kidding me?

Those things are just white, plastered white girls everywhere. No way. Long whites on the lawn. Long whites on the lawn Don't hurt yourself Because it's soft Yeah exactly And when you wee It just fertilises

When you piss your pants It just fertilises the lawn And it's raspberry Because bears yuck Oh god I'm not doing anything For our Nelson Bogans No you certainly aren't So one thing that they do

That's undeniably massive Is the Rock 1500 It's where they count down 1500 It's all the same songs Every year 1500 Massive

What? The Rock 1500 Well they should call? The Rock 1,500? Well, they should call it The Rock 1,500. That rolls off the tongue better than 1,500. Yeah, okay. Well, so we've decided now I'm helping them even more. We don't have enough time to do 1,500 songs. And we can't change the entire format of the station.

No. So we've come to a compromise in an effort to get some of those sweet, sweet, mulleted beer drinking Nelson listeners from The Rock. What are you doing, mate? ZM's 1,500 minus 1,499. That's right, it's the ZM 1,500 minus 1,499, where we play one bogan banger. Turn up the music.

Yeah. Yeah, mate. Yeah. Bit of tool. I'm slightly hesitant. It is that way. Yeah. Oh, is this tool in the background?

We're going to pouch a, what's that, Portmore oil in the back? Because we do rollies. On the way to work in the work van, I rollies. On the way to work in the work van I roll myself like eight so I don't have to have time to ruin the day. But then if someone's like

you got one of those rollies they'll be like oh sorry mate last one. Lies. Is it weird to share rollies because you licked it? Nah mate

it's bloody smokes a smoke. We're a little out of our depth here. We're trying here We're trying We're trying our best So we took some votes On Instagram overnight

For your favourite Rock Bogan Banger We tested songs like Nickelback From Nickelback Creed

Yeah but I think even Bogans have turned their back On them now Oh have they Yeah Right Yeah they're not into that As much as they maybe once were

So we We tested it out And well You chose this song here. So now you've got to listen because we're about to play Thunderstrike by ACDC. On ZS. I don't know if we're going to play the whole thing. Yeah, this is like as long as eight of our ordinary songs. We're doing this to please like a few hundred people in Nelson.

Everyone else is going to turn off. I'm going to go have a Monster Energy drink, 500 mil and a couple of durries, so I'll see you guys in four minutes. Rock and roll. All right, ZM, it's your bogan banger. You can bang up. Thunder Thunder Thunder I was caught in the middle of a railroad track

Thunder I looked around and I knew there was no turning back Thunder My mind graced And I thought What could I do Thunder And I knew

There was no help No help from you Thunder Sound of the drums Beating in my heart The thunder of guns You've been We hit the top Went through the Texas

Yeah, Texas And we had some fun We met some guys Some dancers who gave us good time Broke all the rules Bought all the food Yeah, yeah, they, they, they blew our mind I was shaking off the knees

Could I come again please? Yeah, the ladies want your kind Give a beer Fondest strength Yeah, the ladies want to come You've been Thunderstruck Thunderstruck Yeah, yeah, yeah, thunderstruck Thunderstruck Yeah Yeah I was shaking off the knees

Could I come again please? Yn y cyfnod o'r cyfnod, mae'r cyfnod yn cael ei ddod yn y cyfnod o'r cyfnod. Find a show Find a show Find a show Find a show Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, it's our way We can't be fine Yeah, it's our fate We Do it fine Yeah, it's our fate

We do it fine Thunderstruck Yeah, yeah, yeah Thunderstruck Thunderstruck Thunderstruck Thunderstruck You mean thunderstruck. Thunderstruck.

You mean thunderstruck. Thunderstruck. Thunderstruck. Thunderstruck. You mean thunderstruck. Oh, akedaka. Akedaka. Akedaka. Oh, the rock. Oh, akka-dakka. Akka-dakka. All the rock.

Oh my God! I knew you were. That was so good. Yeah. I knew you and Rog Farrell were brothers. Yeah, we were at birth split. That was really good. So we are the fourth, well, we're not the fourth, we're the 13th favourite breakfast show in Nelson.

And I think now that we've, you know, done something like that, I think it's only got to get better for us. Well, my father is in Nelson. He's working in town and he said he had the radio cranking, but he said he just got told to turn it down, please. Really? So they were not a fan of... God, I just love it.

In my music log, it goes Ariana Grande, ACDC, Shawn Mendes. What a licorice all sort that is. What an absolute sandwich of pop and rock. Yeah. Now, people have messaged in and said, are you going to take on the number one station in Nelson? What's number one? Someone said, bet you won't.

That sounds like a challenge. Oh, it's happening and it's a long play. It's a long play. Settle up. Settle up because it's happening. Are we going to do that on Thursday? When are we announcing? We go on Thursday.

Yeah. Then Friday we broadcast from Nelson. I think Thursday. Thursday. Okay. Buckle up, buttercup. We'll take them on because we've got a few more to look at. I feel a little revved up after that, to be honest.

Yeah, I know. That's good, though. That's what it's after. Yeah, yeah. Vaughan, you've got some news from the farmlet. I do have some news from the farmlet. Yes, we've now reached maximum egg laying capacity. All eight chickens laid yesterday.

This is great. Do you know I finished? Eight eggs. I had an omelette at the weekend And finished your eggs From the farmlet So thank you very much I'll have to bring in Some more For that

Yeah no lovely You made some delicious Poachies out of those eggs Oh they're poached well Don't they Yeah Beautiful They're kind of

Fresh egg poachers Very well Of course they're poached well A fresh egg Right Means all the whites Don't go Yeah you don't need

The vinegary stuff To make it all stay together When you poach a really Super fresh egg Okay Because that's the key Because that's what I didn't Learn until like Recently in life That vinegar need the vinegary stuff to make it all stay together when you put a really fresh egg okay because that's what i didn't learn until like recently in life that vinegar white vinegar helps you poach eggs yeah and it just kind of they just stay in that oh lovely yeah

i think you're living everywhere i think i think we lost those oh yeah they've all gone back who's got two other bloody eggs in the morning Gotta get a bloody Gotta get to work Have a smoke on the way So Yesterday Indy checked before school Two eggs

Checked again after school Six eggs And she said But you're not gonna believe One of these eggs Right And I was like What's happened

She's like Pulls them all out of her pocket. She's like, look, they're five. And she's like, look at this. And holds out the biggest chicken egg I have ever seen in my life. I Googled the best my knowledge. Because, you know, it's like, you want a size six mixed. Seven's like where you want your eggs to be.

Yeah, because I always get sevens because, like, no offense, but your eggs are real little. Because when I do scrambled eggs, I'm like, could do another egg. Do they get bigger over time? I don't know. Well, this one, I don't know who laid this. I assume it was one of our early layers.

This one was massive. I googled it. It was a size of, nearly the size of a goose egg. What? And then we sat around as a family contemplating the poor chicken's cloaca.

Is that what you call it? A cloaca? A cloaca. It's birds have one hole. This has been a previous fact of the day. At that end of the ordeal. Yeah, they have one hole. At that end of the chicken.

One hole. Yeah. Wow. And it was windy last night. You could hear that cloaca whistling from the house. Also, on that one hole thing, you need to wash your eggs. Is that a distant foghorn or is that that chicken that laid this giant egg out in a breeze? Good God, it was like, I'm not even kidding.

You're going to kill Flint. And he took a photo of the egg. Uncomprehensibly large. Did you do a measurement of it? It's still at home. You could get that thing on your phone. You point that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You have to be so careful because, okay, so when I was home for mum's birthday a couple of weekends ago, all of their friends came over, and I don't know how we got on to talking about it, but they told me a horrific story about their chickens, and one in particular that laid giant eggs so giant yeah that it couldn't come out of the the shoot got egg bound and they had to yeah no they had to kill the chicken and kill the chicken because it couldn't

stuck it could it was stuck oh and what it started producing another egg there was like a backlog of it and it gets backlogged like um wow i'm guessing um like have you ever had a conveyor belt like a conveyor belt yeah the supermarket like the luggage thing at the airport one luggage case locked halfway sideways and it can't get out and then there's the back lock. And they all start backing up. But they were saying the eggs were so big. Oh, God.

What could they do to change it? Was there a dietary thing? Well, I said, like, could you, like, maybe try some lube or something? Or... Like, olive oil? No, but apparently olive oil? I don't know.

But, yeah, they said they just had to... They had to end the chicken. Chop it. That was the easier option. Holy moly. Well, no, this one's come out. It's insane, isn't it? Yeah.

Right. You want to watch that because they could get bigger. Now we excitedly wait to see if it's a double yoker. Oh, yeah. Because if it's that big, surely it's not a double yoker. But then I've had small eggs that have been double yokers, so I don't think that's a thing. Well, if not, it's going to be a giant.

A lot of egg white then. Yeah. But then I started looking at how going to be a giant, a lot of egg white then. Yeah. But then I started looking at how long it takes a chicken to make an egg because I wanted to know like what day had led to this giant egg

because there was a day where they spent a lot of time outside and they kept going to bloody Norma's next door. Not bloody Norma. Bloody chickens go to Norma's. Norma's lovely.

The chickens can't stay away because she's got all this mulch. They love having to scratch around. You're going to have to watch out tonight. We've got 23K winds at nine o'clock. God, it'll be whistling.

Cloaca. The cloaca will be whistling. Or she'll get caught like a windsock and blow away. Fact of the day affects the show directly. Oh, okay. Because it deals with the human ability to pronounce Fs, Fs, and Vs. Vs. Fletch and Vaughn.

Vaughn and vegan. Or vegan. Your choice. Do youch and Vaughan. And vegan. Or vegan. You can be your choice. Do you want to be a vegan or a vegan? Vegan. You'll be a vegan. Which means you only eat... Fluffy things.

Fluffy. Excuse me, is this a marshmallow or a macaron? Because I can eat marshmallows but not macarons. In Urban Dictionary, a vegan is a fake vegan, a vegan who pretends to not want to kill animals or meat, but secretly does. On the nose. On the nose.

Fletch, fawn and vegan. Yeah. So it was farming that led us to be able to pronounce the F and the V sound. Okay. Prior to that, our jaw set up in ancient times was bang on, like, even. The jaw, the bottom jaw stuck out a little bit more. But because we needed, the jaw was stronger and it needed to be for chewing

because we were chewing on anything. Yeah, right. Like, we weren't even cooking stuff sometimes. We were just, like, chewing on roots and trees and vegetables. Right. Sashimi everything. Yeah. But it's a sashimi soft.

Oh, you're true. She sells sashimi shells on the soft seashore. And so it was a lot more of a powerful jaw and it stuck out. It was a bit of an underbite. But when we started farming foods and having softer foods, humans on a whole developed an overbite, which of course is needed to pronounce the F and the V sounds. Because when you go, your top teeth go over,

you try putting your jaw out and saying, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, F, Fletch. Oh yeah, right. Interesting. You look really creepy like that guy in Silence of the Lambs. Hot dilution in a biscuit. F. Right.

V. It's harder to sound. So when we switched to soft ferds, our jaws changed and made it so we could say the F and the V sounds. And it actually, this was just simply a theory until somebody looked into it further and found that cultures that had developed the farming around about the same time and had developed and started eating softer foods all had a more prevalent use of the F and the V sounds. Cultures that didn't had F and V sounds adopted later from their interactions with those tribes. Right.

So if it wasn't for farmers, farmers. See how we'd say it differently? Farmers. Ancient. Ancient farmers. Farmers. Farmers. Farmers.

We wouldn't be able to so easily say or use as often the F and the V sounds. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. A couple in the UK Who are Harry Potter mad Have spent £5,000 $10,000 I don't know if that's for the entire wedding

Or if that's just on Hogwarts Slash Harry Potter decorations And broomsticks Because they did have broomsticks rides Broomstick rides. Yeah. So this wedding's like kind of been

publicised. They had broomstick rides. Broomsticks and yeah, the whole theme was Nimbus 2000s? You know I don't watch Harry Potter. I don't know what that means. The broomsticks. It's the fancy broomstick. One of the broomsticks he gets here. Game of Quidditch? Sure. So what are people saying about this?

Are they being shamed for this? So guests, well, I mean, that's the thing. They've put it out there and people are like, either love it or some people are like, tacky. Well, that's cool. It's their wedding. Well, guests watch on as the couple produced rings from the chapter of the Half-Blood Prince,

the Unbreakable Vow, sign their marriage certificate with quills and receive gifts including a talking sorting hat. And they creeped away from their guests who the photographer ensured that they could live out their wildest Hogwarts fantasies with some help from some special Photoshop effects. All their wedding photos have been Photoshopped and they all look magical. Hot play.

Yeah, so they've just gone all out on Harry Potter theme. They love it. What are your thoughts on a themed wedding? I wouldn't have it, but I always think weddings are supposed to be like an expression of who you guys are as a couple. Yeah. And if that's what that is for them, then all power to you. And Harry Potter's like, it's stood the test of time now.

Yeah. It's done okay. And like, I would have fun going to that because it's something different. Yeah. It would be the excuse I need to buy like a high-end, top-quality Hogwarts robe. For Hufflepuff, my house. So that's how you'd go to your wedding. What are you thinking about if you're going to buy a suit

and some new shoes or whatever? It's going to cost you a little bit of money. So you get to buy like a rad robe. I'd have a problem if I had to dress up. I wouldn't want to dress up. I just want to wear a nice dress. What if it's a robe? No, I don't get to buy like a red robe. I'd have a problem if I had to dress up. I wouldn't want to dress up. I just want to wear a nice dress. What if this was a robe? No, I don't want to wear

a Harry Potter robe. Like at least when I know that I buy a suit, I'm going to wear it again unless I put on a KG and then I've got to go back to my other suit. You know,

I've always got to wear a robe around the house. Yeah, okay, yeah. All the time. I know you'd wear that to feed the cows. Would you come to work in your Harry Potter robe?

If it was a cold enough day I'd probably do it. Absolutely. I just needed to remind us of people Hufflepuff's head party. I would love to take some calls now. Is there anybody listening that's been to a themed wedding or had one? Because you just don't hear about them in New Zealand. Would someone do Star Wars or medieval?

Lord of the Rings themed weddings. There would have been a heap of those. I'm surprised Hobbiton doesn't do that. They do. They do. You can have a Hobbit a heap of those. I'm surprised Hobbiton doesn't do that. They do. They do. You can have a Hobbiton wedding. I'm pretty sure you can get married at Hobbiton. Yeah, I've never been to one.

Okay. I feel ripped off, actually. Let's take some calls. 0800 DARS at M. I just want to know if people in New Zealand do themed weddings. Talking about themed weddings, a UK couple's wedding, Harry Potter themed wedding has gone viral. Taking your calls and text messages. Want to see if this is a New Zealand thing. It's themed wedding's a UK couple's wedding, Harry Potter themed wedding has gone viral. Taking your calls and text messages. Want to see if this is a New Zealand thing?

It's a themed wedding. Yeah. Becky, you've had a themed wedding? I had a Harry Potter themed wedding. Wow. Just like these people. And did you expect guests to dress up? No, no, no.

So we did it a little bit slightly different. It was in New Plymouth in April. Yep. And we had it a little bit slightly different. It was in New Plymouth in April. Yep. And we had it at the gardens, but I did up the quality hotel, had the four-house table. The boys had house ties. The girls had the coloured bouquets and stuff. Had a Harry Potter cake.

Like, it was all just full-on Harry Potter. Did you get an owl? What about an owl? We had a stuffed owl. Very hard to find a real owl. I was going to say, that would be so hard. And did the guests love it because it was different? Yes, they did.

And my little flower girl, I actually made her dress and it was Ravenclaw themed. And then my little page boy had a Stacey Hallows tie and a Galaxy vest on the back. All go, all go. Becca, thanks so much for your call. Doug, you went to a themed wedding. It was zombies, like a zombie apocalypse.

So did everybody have to wear the blood face and take an axe? No, so the guests didn't have to wear anything in particular. And I don't think the bride and groom did originally. And they had the ceremony at Cornwall Park. And there's quite a few like pagodas.

So they had the ceremony in one of the pagodas there. Yeah. And while the people weren't paying attention, there was a whole bunch of people who they'd organised to be dressed up as zombies who'd gathered around the pagoda out of sight. And at the end of the ceremony, they all jumped over

the thing and rushed all the people. Wow! Oh my god! See, that sounds great. That sounds like a wedding I would want to go to. That's so scary. She said it was really out there and a lot of people were just... No one knew it was happening.

Oh, my God. Can you imagine it? Nan has a heart attack. Nan wouldn't handle it well. Hi, Doug. Thanks for your call, mate. Some other text messages. Somebody said, I had a themed wedding.

Okay. It was an Adventure Time wedding, the animation, because my husband and I met at animation school and loved cartoons. Six years later, it's a little bit cringe, but I remind myself, it's who we were on the day and we really enjoyed it at the time. It's what you wanted

at the time. Is that making pancakes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Making pancakes. Making pancakes. Making bacon pancakes. You take the bacon and you put it in the pancakes.

Yum, bacon pancakes. One of the many hilarious adventures. Yeah. My family friend went to a steampunk-themed wedding over the weekend. Oh, I'm a do? Maybe, yeah, the steampunk capital. Is that the steampunk capital? a steampunk-themed wedding over the weekend. Oh, I'm a do?

Maybe, yeah, the steampunk capital. Is that the steampunk capital? Went to a Halloween-themed wedding on Halloween at a rugby club. The bride wore black and red and the groom had an ACDC belt buckle. He would have bloody loved it. He would have loved our bonus banger today. Chee-chee. Bit of a nice one.

So, other themes. Somebody said that they went to a Day of the Dead wedding. Oh, other themes. Somebody said that they went to a Day of the Dead wedding in Tidal. A synchromire? Yeah. Oh no, it's coming up soon. My six-year-old is going as Pennywise the Clown.

And my husband and I are going as Dracula. And a crazed, bloodthirsty nun. Our friends are a very odd couple. You've got to put that kid down the drain for a photo op. Ohirsty nun. Our friends are a very odd couple. You've got to put that kid down the drain for a photo op. Oh, my God. A storm drain. Georgie.

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Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie.

Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie.

Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie.

Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie. Georgie one? Yeah. They gave away a wedding. Yeah. Colonel Sanders married you. Yeah, that would have been pretty cool. And KFC afterwards.