ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - October 16 2019

Episode Date: October 15, 2019

We find the most popular biscuit in Nelson, Community Notices and the dumbest way you injured yourself?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. Thanks, Andy. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch Warner Megan. Happy Wednesday. Happy Wednesday. Well, it is Wednesday. Megan's just gone for the plain, usual maroon jacket, which is lovely, but obviously opting out of the military jacket that you wore yesterday. I won't be wearing the Russian interrogation jacket again. I liked the Russian interrogation jacket. I want it back.

No, you ruined it. See what you've done, boy? No, I said I really liked it at the time. No, you ruined it. And I did. I stand by it. I really liked it. Please, can you wear it tomorrow?

No. Also, that is not what happened. You just absolutely ripped into me. Yeah, but I think if you find the audio I said throughout that I did like the jacket. Yeah, but that's what you say to cover up the absolute grilling and ridicule. You're like, oh no, but I do like it. I think Megan should wear the jacket for Friday morning when we're live in Nelson. No?

Yes. Oh, and it might be nippy, though, right? It might be nippy. It'd be perfect for that. We might get a wee flight. And if we're pulling cars over and changing their station, like, people would dare not do it if the KGB asked them to. I'm not even wearing the jacket today, and I'm still getting shit for it.

I'm going to wear it just because I want to show you that you don't control what I wear. Yeah. Good. Good. I like the jacket. I'm not even joking. It's a great jacket. Thanks.

Yeah, I'd love a warm jacket like that. No, just a plain grey hoodie for me today. Life, eh? It's a tough one out there for us white guys. It's a hard world for you at the moment. It's a world that's turning against us. Joining us on the show this morning

are the team from Wellington Paranormal. That's right. Minogue and O'Leary. Yeah, you got it, you got it. Officers Minogue and O'Leary, they're solving problems. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Story time as per usual. I've got three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan, you've got to deliberate, decide, and we pick only one headline and delve into that story. Headline one, mum catches son red-handed. Headline two, B catches son red-handed. Ooh. Headline two, BK Finland launches... Finland?

Finland. Finland. BK Finland launches silent drive-through, which is great. And headline three, sugar daddy gives student green light to drain his bank cards. Oh, my God, yeah.

What? I've heard some guys just really dig this. What? But I've never come into contact with them. Like, I'm right here. It's like they get on being financially destroyed.

I'm right here. If anyone wants me to do that for them. Oh, Han, I think you're not. You passed it, yeah. No, but if there's like a real elder gent, I could be a sugar baby. Isn't it just the age difference?

Shit, I'd have to be old. What? Not Han. You've passed it for that sugar daddy. You've got to be the sugar daddy. You've got to be the sugar mama now. Yes, be the sugar mama No, don't empower me now You know who you need to talk to about being a sugar mama?

This guy right here Peony pinching sugar daddy I'm a time too tired to be a sugar daddy Yeah, you need money to be a sugar mama Worst sugar daddy ever Why am I the worst sugar daddy ever? Because you're a tighter. Well, you won't even put bloody sour cream on your nachos.

I'm not even having this argument. Make them dry. Which story? I like catching the kid red-handed. Story one. What do you want? No, I don't care what you want. Story one.

Oh, empowered sugar mama over there. There she is. She's gone into training. Sugar mama, can I take the credit card to the mall? Absolutely not. Train it. Sugar mama has maxed out her pathetic limit. Again, worst sugar mama ever.

Yeah. Okay, we go now to the UK where a mum heard some talking, some audio coming from the lounge where her son was meant to be doing his maths homework. Okay. She snuck around the corner of the lounge to find her son with Alexa. Doing his maths homework. Alexa, eight multiplied by four eight times four is 32.

alexa six multiplied by six six times six is 36. what is going on here no that is not how you do homework four times four is 16. you do realize you'll be doing all this again yourself that is good like but that's, he's solving problems. Yeah. In the real world, you can use a calculator all the time. Because you'd just use a calculator, wouldn't you? I don't know.

The only one I knew was 6, 6 is 36 because I just remember that. We rhyme in my head. Yeah. But I don't know any of the others. One, two times tables, five. Tens and elevens. And maybe threes I remember the sevens

I wrote the sevens on my hand once And I'm like I remember my dad asking me And I had them on my hand And I'd like look down and stuff Yeah And he's like, you're cheating And I was like, yeah

And I got like caught red handed Which was like the 1990s version Of what we just heard on there Yeah But now I know my sevens Because I can literally still like see them written down on my hand. Okay. And how's that helped you in life? It has not.

It has not. Unless I'm like working out how many, like if someone's like, oh, it's eight weeks away, then I'm like seven eights of 56. Yeah, right. You know, like that would be about the only time I use my seven times tables. Fleshforn and Megan, the podcast, ZM. The University of Florida interviewed 1,000 women aged between 18 to 71. So that's a good spread.

Yep. That's a good spread of age. And they found that women in long-term relationships had better sex. They have better sex with their husbands or long-term partners than they do during one-night stands. So they didn't ask your wife? Oh, they asked her, right. It's just been so long,

she can't remember anything else. So she probably said something nice. Well, I'll be nice to him. How old's August? She's five and a half years, maybe. It's a while to remember. Well, no, she didn't have August with a one-night stand. No, that's the last time.

That we had sex. Well, if you want the details, Megan, we've had sex very recently. Can we not have the details, please? I shouldn't have prodded the beer, which is actually how she gets me started. She prods the beer. Oh, my God. That's what we call it. That's what we call it. That's what we call it.

A little warm up. Yeah, right. So they had 15% more orgasms. Oh, okay. Woman in long-term relationships. This isn't surprising to me at all. Because you're not going to settle down, well, you'd hope you wouldn't settle down with someone that you didn't have good sex with, right?

But also like- So of course they're going to be better than a random. On a one night stand, they don't so much care or know your body like your partner. And one night stands, like speaking for myself and no one else. But I'm sure I am.

There's too much excitement. I used to lead up front with a, now this is going to be disappointing. This is going to be over very smartly don't you know, don't expect a marathon this is the 400 metre relay I like that you're managing

expectations 100% because they can't be disappointed because you did forewarn them not everyone manages expectations like that though you do yourself a wonderful favour. Set the bar very, very low. And then if you don't perform, they're expecting it. But then if you put in an average performance,

you've exceeded expectations. Under-promise, over-deliver. That's my life mantra. Absolutely. It's the one to go for. Never over-promise. And they said their sexual satisfaction was 10% higher than single woman. Okay.

Which is weird. You're having 15% more orgasms, but your sexual satisfaction is only 10% more higher. Where's that 5% going? I don't know. We've lost 5%. We just like to leave room for improvement, always. Jesus, Megan, it's only 10%. There's a lot of room for improvement.

So when are you waiting for this improvement in your long-term relationship? Yeah. How long do you wait? Yeah. Yeah. We have to start giving some tips. Living Anonymous. Always give tips.

Yelp reviews. If you're only doing one-night stands, what, you're just average? Well, I don't know. You tell me. Again, under-promise, over-deliver. Yeah. So, I know you tell me. Again, under promise, over dilemma. Yeah. So I don't know. But there's no requirement to care about if the other one made it to the finish line

because you're probably not going to see them again. So it's just like, I just feel like there's little care, you know. Afterwards, you're like, that was great. How was it for you? Yeah. Yeah. That's, but then, yeah, true. If your partner's got a vested interest in helping you, you know?

Yeah, because afterwards, like, you can't just catch an Uber away from this look. And for those that missed that look, it was a look of disappointment. It was a look of, are you kidding me again? Like. Fletchford and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices. It's a segment of the show where we have a look at what's happening on Facebook pages around New Zealand. Because we all know the crazies are attracted to these pages. Oh, yeah.

Let's pop into Hallswell, shall we? Where Sophie Clark has a burning question. We've done something a little bit silly, says Sophie. We dropped a curry on our little white dog. Oh, no. I hope it wasn't hot. Any idea on how to get an orange-based curry out of dog fur, Google no help this time.

You wouldn't, would you? Thanks. Like, I've had curry on a white T-shirt, and it was, you cannot get it out. It's toast. It's gone. But then, like, a dog is a living creature, so surely it will grow out eventually.

Oh, my God. Please tell me there's a follow-up. There's no follow-up. Oh, no. Dave said if you try to naan. Classic Dave there. There's always someone called Dave with a quick quip on a Facebook page. What are you Googling?

I'm Googling spilt curry on a white dog. But she said Google wouldn't help. No, I just wanted to see if there was pictures. I found curry stain removal. Oh, how to remove stains from white fur. No, you're very right. There's no specific googling for curry on a dog. There's brown stains off my white dog.

Like using a clean white cloth sponge to stain with a detergent vinegar solution, but then you're probably going to irritate your dog. Yeah. And then it's going to get scabs and stuff. And it'll be not just orange, it'll be scabby. Right. Oh, buddy. Well, from Hallswell, let's take the 29-minute bus trip to New Brighton.

Okay. I literally just Googled Hallswell to New Brighton, and it's a 19.8 kilometre, 29-minute. No, that's a car ride. On, on. Shit, it's a 50-minute, 59-minute drive to... On a bus. On a bus. Well, you love your public transport, don't you 59 minute drive to... On a bus. On a bus.

Well, you love your public transport, don't you? You like to encourage it. Cave On writes on the New Bright... Actually, the Christchurch Police Checkpoint page. Oh, okay. Which is usually letting people know where checkpoints are to be avoided. And if you're going to tell people how to avoid checkpoints, you're definitely going to have a name like Cave On.

There's a man down New Brighton Pier running up and down the beach nude masturbating. I have called the authorities. And there was a few reports of this, actually. A few, yeah. I don't know. Somebody, that doesn't sound right, does it? I like to do mine at home. Selling up and down the beach.

Most people do. Whilst running. Also, it's cold. It's cold. What's people do? Whilst running. Not on a pier. Also, it's cold. Very hard to do while running. It's cold. You've got to do while running. Yeah, what time of the day was this?

Because what was it? It was a news story. You shouldn't hold your phone while you're running. Yes. You certainly shouldn't be playing with your penis while you're running. No. No, but anyway, I don't have an end to that story either. Oh, Lord.

Goodness me. I'm not entirely sure on how to follow that up. Hey, let's jump back on the bus and go back to Hallswell. We're pretty sure we've done this before, but it's an hour back. Peter writes on the Hallswell page, guys, I'm thinking about starting a

Hallswell hookups page. I was thinking maybe some of the yummy mummies have the odd day where they're doing nothing during the day and looking for a bit of fun. Let's face it, we all like fun. Peter. Peter, Peter. Peter. Get on Tinder like everybody else, Peter.

Days before, Peter had actually written on the same page, just wondering if there are any nice ladies 30 to 40 in the Hornswell area that might be looking for some fun. You're like, Jesus, Peter. Peter's a horndog. Peter. Did Peter go to the beach after this? We may have caught the bus, the one-hour bus trip to New Brighton. Peter then writes on the Hallsville community page, Uncensored,

which somebody started up because obviously they said something on the Hallsville page that got deleted. I've just started a new page for a bit of fun, Hallsville Honeys, and links to the Hallsville Honeys and links to the Hallswell Honeys page no what are you doing mate James aren't your parents

from Hallswell just lock up your mum I'll just be very keep an eye on your mum she might join Hallswell Honeys oh yeah I'll see if she mentions

anyone called Peter yeah she has been going down to the community centre but I think that's for yoga well I hope so. Jesus. Probably Peter's running

the bloody yoga class. Does your dad go with her? No. He goes to the pub. So, yeah. There you go. There's no Peter at the yoga at the end.

Yeah, I hope Peter's not taking the yoga. Your dad's at the pub while mum's doing yoga. Brilliant. Yeah, classic. It's yin and yang there. That's what it takes.

Yeah. That's what it takes. Let's pop to the North Island to the Huntley Notice Board. Carolyn is ropeable. Okay. Hello, I live, and then she says where she lives, and have a beautiful rooster. His name is Jake.

I've been given three-week notice issued by the Waikato Council to lose him. My husband and I assume that some MF and arsehole. Okay. Oh no, didn't have the guts to approach us and discuss his crowing that starts from 5am most mornings

but went straight to the council. I mean, I wonder why this person already seems so tolerant and calm about this. They seem approachable.

My point is, if you can't talk to your neighbours about SHIT that bothers you then you can F right off with it. We've got farm dogs barking into all hours of the night since we moved here in 2015. Cattle being herded.

Geese flying overhead. Oh, wait. So it sounds like it's like rural and someone's complaining about a rooster. She says she lives on a terrace. Now, you don't often hear a rural road. Maybe it backs onto a rural setting. Yeah. She's angry about the geese flying over, though.

I don't know if she knows how they work. And MF is letting off fireworks whenever they feel to top it off, crowing roosters from the neighbouring properties and farms are apparent. We own our property and we want the country life. Any comments appreciated, positive or negative? By the way, we know who you are. We know who laid the complaint. You don't need a rooster unless you're breeding.

They protect the chickens, right? It's a happier life without a rooster because the chickens are pretty quiet. They'd be annoying, wouldn't they? Yeah, they are. Just a quick one from the Christchurch Buy, Sell and Trade page. Phyllis is selling some booby tassels. As you guessed, there's no one under 60 called Phyllis, so that's interesting. And finally, this one's a juicy steak.

Okay. Cooked medium rare or rare. It's definitely not medium or well done. Okay. That's not juicy enough. Is anybody married to a roofer that lives in Dunedin and you got a big Buddha wrapped up for your anniversary yesterday? I'll advise you to leave this prick because here is the conversation. When he bought it off me,

we were talking about jobs and he said there was a cleaning gig going that he knows of. So I said, oh, that's great because that's what I do. I gave him my number just to be passed on to the manager of the cleaning company. And then I received this message. Oh, hey, I have a question. Please don't take it wrong. I'll get freaked out by it, okay? I'm not a weird guy, okay? To which I replied, sure. He writes, are you single?

I'll remind you, he met this person while buying a big Buddha for his wife on their anniversary. Are you single? Because I truly think you're sexy as like, wow, lol. You seem like an amazing woman. You're married. I literally gift wrapped a present for your wife.

Oh, sorry. Okay. I just haven't stopped thinking about you. Sorry. Are you single? Lol. He does not give up. He doesn't take it in here.

Relentless. What's your name again? Says gift wrapper. Yep. Just so I can find you on Facebook. He then says, I didn't mean I'm keen on you. I mean, the proof was in the pudding. No, I just wanted to find your wife and send her screenshots of this conversation.

You seem like a nice person, but what makes you think I'd be interested? And then she describes him. Yeah, right. My cop boyfriend is going to find this very amusing. Wow, this set donated a lot. I bet it did. It's a drama. Absolutely.

I mean, I'm imagining if he saw that, that giant Buddha just got thrown in the skip at the construction site. What giant Buddha? Don't give it to her. It's a weapon. He would be in less trouble for pretending he forgot the anniversary.

Yeah, exactly. That would happen. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything juicy on your local Facebook page, screen cap it and send it to ours. We're FEMZM on Facebook. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. 30 a week is the new optimum health guideline.

This is according to a nutritionist. She has said that we aren't eating a big enough variety. 30 burgers a week or? Well, I mean, there is veggies in there. That's how I justify any kind of burger. Yeah. But there's any kind of veggie in it. You all right?

Excuse me. Very limited sorts of vegetables can make it into a burger. Yeah, that's true. You got your tomatoes, your lettuce. Maybe a pineapple. Straight up burger. Pineapple is fancy. So she says that you need to look after the 40 trillion bacteria living in your gut.

Yeah. And if you're just eating apples and carrots and being like, yes, I'm being healthy, it's not enough. So the 40 trillion bacteria need a variety of nutrition. And so over a week, you need to eat 30 different things that are grown.

So it's not just vegetables. This is... No, plant. No, but she's not against eating meat. She's like, it doesn't mean you have to be vegetarian. She's saying specifically, all right, well, I've got a marker. Okay. 30, go.

Name them. Potatoes. Potatoes. Eggplant. We're not going to make a huge. Kale. Do you do that thing when you're being healthy, you'll just stick to like your same salads?

No. And your same, or do you try to. I like a variety of things. I bought an eggplant yesterday. just stick to your same salads? No. And your same, or do you try to... I like a variety of things. I bought an eggplant yesterday. I'm going to stuff an eggplant tonight. I like a variety. You need to grill miso those eggplants

with cheese on the top. Oh, yeah. Or you've just turned to vegetables. Why did you say grill miso? Grilled miso eggplant. So you put miso paste and then cheese, grill it in the oven and it goes all like... You've been to that Japanese restaurant.

Yeah. Like a little pizzeria vibe. No, because the eggplant goes like soft and gooey. It's just like a gooey, cheesy miso. Yeah, it's basically turning a vegetable into cheese. Pretty much. It's delicious. Look, huge on eggplants.

Eggplant design, yeah, pretty good. They take on whatever flavour you put on them. Right. So we're talking fruits, vegetables, anything that's been grown, including seeds, spices and grains. So my tamari almonds. That's a twofer. That's spices and almonds.

Okay. Right. So you say make a list, but maybe you do need to make a list because I don't know if I'd do 30 different. Because I know that they talk about, oh, you're supposed to have a whole range of colours, aren't you? You're not supposed to just eat the green stuff. But that includes, like, herbs as well. It's not like you have to sit down to a huge plate of veggies every day.

It'd be like herbs you're putting on stuff, spices. If it was only 30 and you had a good variety and you did it between, like, your lunch and your dinner, because, like because veggies for breakfast are still weird. Yeah. It wouldn't take that much. No. To get 30.

But apparently it can really look after your gut health. It can help your immune system. It can help prevent against cancers. Apples, pears. Are you still making lists? Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Artichokes.

I just saw a picture. Very bourgeois. How do you cook an artichoke? I don't know. This sounds like an expensive trip to the supermarket, doesn't it? It's a lot cheaper to buy junk food. It's a bloody fruit world, mate. Sadly.

From the ZM Think Tank, this is the top six. Hello there. Jennifer Anderson has joined Instagram, guys. This is pretty cute. Yeah. She put up a photo of her and the Friends cast. So they had like a dinner together, a little reunion. All of them.

To celebrate 25 years of Friends. Yep. And that's when she also decided to get on the Gram. So 25 years of Friends. She's 50, which means she was 25 when she started friends. She already has 692,000 followers. 93. Jeez. I feel that it would have been

someone there. 696. Was it Courtney Cox maybe saying you should join Instagram? Do you think they made her do it at the dinner? Yeah, because whenever Matt LeBlanc put up a picture a couple of months ago and they always had to hashtag her instead of at her. She's like, you don't have to hashtag me anymore.

So cute. Interesting. I just clicked on that photo. Justin Theroux, her ex, commented, whoop, whoop, first. He was one of the first people she followed. So they're still good friends. Yeah. Okay.

Courtney Cox has commented. Reese Willisburn's commented. Chandler doesn't have Instagram, though, eh? What's his real name? Matthew Perry. He's the last one, I think. I love David Schwimmer because I don't follow him, but his handle is just at Schwimm.

Brilliant. The Schwimm. The Schwimm got in early. Yeah. Well, she's on Instagram, but as I mentioned, she's 50. So these are the top six things Jennifer Aniston will do on Instagram. Number six, try and start a conversation in the comments that should have been a DM.

Like, Courtney Cox will put a photo up and she's like, oh my god, great photo. Are you still coming by Sunday? If you just want to bring a salad, that's more than enough. Classic. Classic auntie thing to do. Yeah, classic Berman material

there. Number five on the list of the top six things Jennifer Aniston will do on Instagram is she'll put punctuation in the middle of a hashtag, meaning it'll stop being a hashtag. Oh, yeah. And then not delete it, just leave it there. Just be like, well, that didn't work.

Or it'll like drastically change what the hashtag could be. Number four on the list of the top six things Jennifer Aniston will do on Instagram. She'll change her profile picture to whatever like social cause has a filter that week. But it'll be the same profile picture just with the little frame on it. Yeah. And then when she's done with that, she'll change it again. It'll be the same profile picture, but it will be without the frame.

Yeah. Then you know what she's going to do the week after that? Get another frame. Yeah. It's classic boomer material right there. Number three on the list of the top six things Jennifer Anderson will do on Instagram. She'll do something totally unwoke like post photos riding an elephant in Thailand or swimming with the dolphins at SeaWorld. And quickly learn.

Yeah. Quickly learn. The internet has no chill. No. Thailand or swimming with the dolphins at SeaWorld and quickly learn quickly learn the internet has no chill. No. Someone was on my news on a story yesterday there at SeaWorld I was like, oh do I say anything? Nope. Okay.

Really torn when it's your friends and you don't want to be that person but you also don't like, yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's where Spongebob is on the Gold Coast now. Is it? Is he not in the dream world anymore? Nah, it's got all the Nickelodeon characters. Oh, my God.

Do you remember when we had a photo of Spongebob? And Patrick. And Patrick? Yeah. Great day. We got the photo in a frame. Cute. Still got it.

Great day. Great day. Great day. Number two on the list of the top six things. Great day. Great day. Number two on the list of the great day. The top six things Jennifer Aniston will do on Instagram. Speaking day. Great day. Number two on the list of the top six things. Great day. Great day. Number two on the list. Great day.

The top six things Jennifer Aniston will do on Instagram. Speaking of a great day, she'll post a throwback photo where she looks exactly the same 20 years ago. A little bit. I know. How is she? Although, Megan was so bitchy this morning. She was like.

No, I wasn't bitchy. Tell Warren what you told me. So, when you know when you follow someone and it shows you other people you follow that follow them, someone who came up was Simon Orion or whatever, he's the Kardashians doctor that does all of their procedures. So he follows her and I was like, okay. But does she follow him? Gosh, she looks great for her age though.

If you looked that great when you were 50, you'd be stoked. Oh, okay. But does she fall in love with something? God, she looks great for her age, though. She does. If you looked that great when you were 50, you'd be stoked. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I look back at it. 37. How old are you? How old am I?

37. Yeah. I forgot how old I am again. And number one on the list of the top six things Jennifer Aniston will do on Instagram, she'll do whatever you need to do to share that 90% off Ray-Bans post that people always end up sharing. We've got to the point of that. We love it.

No, you get hacked. We don't share it on purpose. No, you did something. Megan, we did something. You clicked something. You signed into something. I literally wasn't on the gram at all that day and then Fleek's just like, hey.

But previous to that, you did something. Hon, you've posted about Ray-Bans. I don't know what it was. Hon. You've posted about Ray-Bans. Hon, we've got a Ray-Ban situation on our hands and it needs to be dealt with ASAP. That is today's top six. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. So I was perusing the internet, as you do. The internet?

The internet. Tell me more. And found a photo of a guy who had injured himself ironing. Ironing. Okay. He ironed his shirt while it was on him and burned himself. I don't want to ridicule him too much because I feel like that's something I could have easily done. Like you see a crease and you're like, well, it's just one crease.

And you're like- Well, like you've got a jacket on over top and you just want to do the bit that's showing of your shirt. Yeah. So you're like, I'll just iron it. Thin shirt. Yeah.

Burnies. But I thought on like finding this, I was like, we are lazy humans and we will find a shortcut for anything. And sometimes it's to the detriment of our own safety. Yeah. It might put us in harm's way. And I was wondering this morning, could we take calls and ask people to call up with the dumbest ways they've injured themselves?

Easy. Although not me because I'm smart. Maybe even at the time you're like, I don't know if this is a good idea Megan nearly chopped her hand off The other day with the lawnmower Oh yeah But in my mind I remember the story

That Caitlin told us And so I was like She flashed up on my mind So I turned the lawnmower off Another story I told you you'd have a story Caitlin No but tell me how You nearly cut your fingers off

Because you know those Long I think it's off... Cabbage trees. Flax or cabbage trees. Oh, I almost swore. The lawnmower doesn't like them. F-ing cabbage trees.

They're one of my favourite... What's wrong with cabbage trees? Oh, my God. They're one of my favourite trees. They look awesome. And they attract all the good birds. Are they the ones with the cute toy toy things? So they...

Is that them? They look like a palm tree. And at the top it looks like a flax tree sat on top of a palm tree. Oh, gosh. And they get a head on them. And that's why they're called a cabbage tree. Because at the top it looks like a flax tree set on top of a palm tree. Oh, gozy. And then occasionally they get a head on them, and that's why they're called a cabbage tree, because the heart of it's like a cabbage. Oh, yeah.

The spears that come off them burn fantastically when they're dry. The actual trunk of them, almost impossible to burn. How's that? Right, okay. But anyway, they are very fibrous, like a flax, and if they get caught in the lawnmower, they just wrap around the blade or the weed eater or whatever. Right.

Nightmare every time before mowing the lawns, have to do a thorough pick up of the... Yeah, I didn't see one. So you ran one over. I ran one over, but it was sticking out the end, and it was going... So I just was going to grab the end. I did grab the end.

I was going to pull it out. Not near the blade, but at the end, I was like, oh, I could just feel like something was going to go wrong, and then I remembered Caitlin's lawnmower story. So I switched the lawnmower off and I pulled the cabbage tree leaf out. Every time I think of Final Destination, whenever a teaspoon goes in the incinerator, I'm like. Final Destination.

Yeah, powers off. Go in after the teaspoon. What happened with the lawnmower, Caitlin? I just put my finger in there. I was actually, it was like when I was at high school and I was being really helpful and doing chores. Yep. And I was mowing the lawns and then there was like a big clump of grass in there and I was like, oh, that's going to get stuck. I'll just flick that out. But then my finger hit the blade, so. So did you lose a little bit of the finger?

Just a little, like a little. But to this day you can't tell? Nah. It's kind of a bit flatter. I always remember when I was a kid, I don't know why, but I was sitting next to the fire and I had like big bits of sellotape on my fingers, like just doing sellotape fingers,

and I would put them into the fire and then. Wait a second, what? And then I'd quickly blow them out, but I didn't get one and it burned my finger. That is the dumbest thing. That is all else we've heard today pales in comparison to how dumb that was. No, sellotape fingers. Edward sellotape fingers.

And I just put them into the fire. You're a dumb dumb. I'd blow it out before it burned me, but I missed one. And it went real quick and it burned my finger. Edward sellotape fingers is the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Okay, you know what? You're a dumb dumb. We will hear stupid. No one's going to hurt my finger. You have salatate fingers. It's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Okay, you know what? You're a dumb dumb. We will hear stupid.

No one's going to beat that. They will. 0800-DANCE-NM-9696. What is the stupidest way you've hurt yourself? We want to know the stupidest, dumbest way you have injured yourself. Some text messages. No shortage of them. I went to fill up a glass jug

that had been in the fridge, but I went to fill it up with boiling water. Oh no. The glass jug exploded and glass actually embedded itself in me. Oh my god. Why would you fill a glass with hot water? Why would it have been empty in the fridge? Yeah, weird.

I'd imagine it was empty in the fridge. Do people do that bougie thing that some restaurants and bars do where they leave the jugs in the fridge so they go cold? Do you not do that? Of course not. I have a plastic jug that has the water in it. No, I mean an empty glass. You know how they keep glasses cold?

Oh, no, no, no. No, God no. Who's got that sort of real estate in the fridge? I know. Exactly. It's full of last week's broccoli. There's no room for a cold glass. Absolutely no room.

Soft, soft, broccoli. There's chicken in there from three nights ago that I'm thinking I might still eat, but no one's got the guts to throw out here. There's no room for a glass. Jordan, the dumbest way you've injured yourself. Jordan. Hi. yourself. Jordan. Hi. Hi.

Hi. What up? Hi, girl. Yo, what up? Let's do this. So, I was renovating recently, stripping some wallpaper, and I had a little, like, butter knife that I was using to get the edges so I could pull it off. And I got to a little, like, butter knife that I was using to get the edges so I could pull it off.

And I got to a PowerPoint, hey, and there was, like, a little bit of wallpaper stuck behind the PowerPoint. Okay. So I just shoved the knife in there. How did that go down? You should be dead. I electrocuted myself and I tripped all of the power. Oh, my god. At least the fuses haven't blown, you

would be dead. Yeah, there was quite a bright light. That was Jesus. He was like, Jordan, this is your last chance. That was the afterlife, Jordan. Lord. We're lucky you're still here.

Yeah, I'm still alive. Did you get the little bit of wallpaper behind the light socket then? Yeah, I did. Power switch. Okay, oh, great. I'm not sure if I flicked it out or if it burnt off. It just disintegrated. Probably in the explosion.

Yeah, you got the current running through it. That's the main thing. Oh, brilliant. Thanks for your call, Jordan. And Tracy, the stupidest way you injured yourself. Well, it's not as good as the one just before. Okay. What's in a competition?

I got my first and only ever bee sting because I was playing in the garden, stood on a bee with shoes on, and was like, hmm, do they still sting when they're dead? They do. So you picked up the dead bee

after you'd trotted on it with shoes and it got you? No I put my finger on the end of it wondering if they still sting

when they're dead. See the bee didn't sting you you stole the bee's sting. Yeah pretty much. Yeah. The bee was dead it's like well I'm done.

Damn it. My one line of defence didn't work. And you're like, I'll take that. Yeah. And you were wrong. That story was just as good as the last one. Thanks for your call, Tracy. We go down to another Jordan.

Jordan, the stupidest way you injured yourself. Yeah, so this is a little bit embarrassing. But I was scrolling through my computer one day, saw a GIF image of a spider and had to get out of there, and I leapt out of my chair and tore the ligaments in my foot. A picture of a spider online. Yeah. Oh, you've seen me leap away from the screen when a spider's on,

someone puts something on Facebook. They're so scary. It's gross. But that would have been fun on ACC. It would have been. Jordan, thanks. You called some texts. If you're been fun on ACC. It would have been Jordan, thanks, you called some texts. If you're taking anything

from this, like just the common denominator, don't call your kid Jordan. We've had a couple, haven't we? Yeah. Automatic disadvantage. Somebody said,

Fletch, as a fellow Edward Sellotape fingers fan, I also suffered an injury or two just seeing how protective Sellotape was

The answer No, won't protect you from a sore I would have been really young when I played Edward Sellotape's Hands With The Fire I would have been under 11 Or 12 That's not as young as I had thought in my mind When I said I was under, so I'd say maybe I was

9, 8 or 9, 10 Still old enough to know better Somebody said I punched myself In the face pulling the duvet up under, so I'd say maybe I was nine, eight or nine, ten. Still old enough to know better. Yeah. Somebody said, I punched myself in the face pulling the duvet up. I was pulling the duvet up and I slipped and I like, you know how like you're like, god damn you

duvet! And you're angry and you're pulling and they slipped so they already had the clenched fists straight in the face, bleeding nose, black eye. Very hard to explain to people. You know, there was no partner in the picture that, that's lucky. Yeah. Yeah, because otherwise everyone would be like, oh, what's happening there? Hard to explain.

I partially amputated the end of my finger on a chair at a strip club. Okay. I mean, I've got further questions, but that's all they put. That's all they put. Like, were you the stripper? Were you a participant? Were you the cleaner? Was Osh informed? Because that's a workplace. That's a workplace thought. Like, were you the stripper? Were you a participant? Were you the cleaner? Was Osh informed?

Because that's a workplace. That's a workplace hazard. Yeah. Imagine having to sign into a strip club. Like, you know how when you go to, like, a work site, and it's like, please, everyone, visit in the work site. There's a big orange sign. Well, you get a visitor sticker.

Yeah, there's workplace hazards here. Please sign in. You go over. Some guy's like, yeah, we'll just get you to sign in there. No, you've actually got to put your real name. You just can't put Joe Bloggs. That's not going to work. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far?

And it's all thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor. Do you love free data? Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay. Hey, guys, let's get back into that podcast. We have another poo jogger. You might remember it was podcast. We have another poo jogger. You might remember it was 2018. We had a poo jogger in Brisbane.

Brisbane. I remember this. We haven't had one in New Zealand, eh? It seems to be a thing that's happening a lot, weirdly. I mean, a lot of people who do go for a jog have to do a poo, but they're not like, these are people who are doing cereal. Doing it on the street. And cereal.

If you've ever done a lot of training, like serious training for a half or a full. Oh, I go, mate. I go on the treadmill and I need to poo too, so whatever. But you can literally press. Hey, I go, I go, man. I've had a coffee. I need to poo too, so let's all just calm down. I've been for a walk after a coffee.

But you can press pause and go to the gym bathroom. Yeah. Whereas if you're in a bizarre neighbourhood and you're running some random streets, sometimes it just hits you. So I kind of understand this but at the same time I don't. But wouldn't, okay, wouldn't you go to a bush?

You would think so because this news article with this random Sydney poo jogger who I believe was caught on CCTV by a Sydney publicist in her posh driveway in what suburb? Paddington. Which is ooh la la.

Which is where the bear lived. He did, yeah. It's very flash. So this has come about because it's not the first time she's been called a PR powerhouse, Roxy. I think maybe she's well known over there. Wait, she's not the pooper, she's the person who caught the pooper. No, no, she's the person who caught the pooper. Roxy the PR. I think maybe she's well known over there. Wait, she's not the pooper. She's the person who caught the pooper.

She's the person who caught the pooper. Roxy the Powerhouse. In her driveway. It's outside her offices in Paddington. But yeah, Paddington's a fancy area. So they have CCTV footage. Now, the second time it happened, they were like, okay, what is happening here?

She said they were horrified when they saw her words, a nimble young blonde on her regular jog of a morning. She said, I don't think she's targeting me. She does appear to get a kick out of the location because there's cameras on every angle of my headquarters. You'd see the cameras.

You'd see the cameras. Multiple cameras. And she squats down between two cars. So that, I mean, it's not a good place to go. Find a park. And yeah, she's done it more than once. This news article links to all the other incidences that have happened in Australia of poo jogging. Like, this is a thing.

What is wrong with people? Yeah, definitely pick a better, I mean, I get it, but pick a better area. Then you get, like, because remember you knocked on a lady's doorway when you were running? She said no. I wouldn't let you in either. No, no, like, thinking back on it, no, but desperate times, desperate measures. Yeah. Also, like, you're all red and panting and you're like, can I come into your house?

No. I need a poo. Every time Fletch talks about going and getting a new house plant from that, is it King's Plant Barn? Everything you need. Yeah. I took a poo in a bush over the road from that. That always reminds me whenever you're like, I had to go and get a new house plant from King's Plant Barn.

You didn't do it at King's Plant Barn. I could see it when I was peeking out the bush. Oh, that's so grim. But at least you went to a bush. Producer Caitlin. I've done a poo in a bush. On a run. Yeah. But see, you get a bush. Producer Caitlin. I've done a poo on a bush. On a run. Yep.

But see, you get a bush. A bush. I don't, every time I run, like I can't eat before I run because I have to poo. What, does it just crank up your metabolism? It just really, like if I'm like, oh. It's jiggling it out, isn't it? Yeah, it's the move.

Because my dog does that too. Every time I go for a walk straight away, he's like, whoa. It's good when you're like, oh, I haven't really done that in a while. I should probably go. I'll go for a run and then I'll get things moving. But yeah, no. Well, this was unfairly actually up my road. Oops.

Do you know what's got me going lately? Sauerkraut. No, we don't need to know. Okay. I thought I'd eaten something bad. It wasn't like real bad. But I tell you what, the old sauerkraut will get moving if you've had a bit of... So blood flow decreases to your gut and increases to your muscles.

The harder and longer you run, the more likely it's going to mess with how well your gut is functioning. Right, so if you're taking part in the Auckland half or full marathon this weekend, maybe stay off the sauerkraut. I'd stay off that. I wouldn't enjoy it. And do it in a bush. And do it in a, just go before the race.

And they've got toilets along the way, haven't they? Yeah, yeah. But that's the good thing about the runs they do. Don't think you're going to make it over the Harbour Bridge. Like, don't take that chance. Oh my God, could you imagine? It's knocking on the door at that last drink stop before the Harbour Bridge. On your road.

Get it out of the way. Get it out of the way. The Great Nelson Preset Reset. So we are the 13th favourite radio show on Nelson out of 14. No big deal. God, don't get ahead of yourself. Calm down. 13th.

Who do you think you are? Not last. Sell out. Sorry, maybe when you were 14th you didn't care about the man so we're going to be actually broadcasting the show live in Nelson on Friday

and thanks to our friends at Grab a Seat we'll be flying down actually we've got on Thursday night tomorrow night we've got a one of our

Chichingo Bingo nights that you can come along to if you're in Nelson prizes up for grabs if you'd like to register text Nelson to 9696 but part of our Chichingo Bingo nights that you can come along to if you're in Nelson. Prize is up for grabs. If you'd like to register, text Nelson to 9696. But part of our... What time do we fly tomorrow?

Lunchtime? Just before lunchtime, I think. Why? Whose camera are we taking to the airport? I just realised I've been told nothing about this. You weren't here yesterday.

No, we're taking your car. Are we taking my car? Yes, you're going to have to clean out the hay. Absolutely not. My car is in absolute shambles at the moment, by the way. We'll do the $1 service station vacuum challenge before. To see if you can do the whole car before it runs out.

So part of the reason we're going is to force people to listen to us. And we've decided we're going to sweeten the deal. Now, we've reached out to our friends at Countdown for some information. Some intel. I said, what is your favourite selling biscuit? What is your number one selling biscuit in Nelson? We should have said our 13th best selling biscuit in Nelson. We should have.

They've come back with the number one selling biscuits nationwide and in Nelson. Which one do you want first? Well, let's hear nationwide. The best selling biscuit from Countdown Supermarkets. You are going to be personally, I don't think I am because it's always like something plain. Yeah, it's going to be something plain. It's not going to be anything fancy because the fancy ones are so divisive.

Yeah. Everyone's got their be something plain. It's not going to be anything fancy because the fancy ones are so divisive. Divisive. Yeah. Everyone's got their favourite fancy biscuit. It's going to be a plain biscuit. Megan is going to feel vindicated and smug because the number one selling biscuit in countdown nationwide is the Griffin's Ginger Nut Twin Pack. Because who buys biscuits? Nannas.

Boomers. Boomers. Yeah, boomers love biscuits. They love a biscuit that they can dunk in their tea. How often do you actually buy biscuits, though? If I'm going to buy biscuits, I buy ginger nuts. You buy ginger nuts. Yeah, but you don't buy biscuits all that often, right?

But the one... The ginger nuts are so versatile. You can use them in baking, too. The one place in the country where they beat out ginger nuts is Nelson, and only just. The number one selling biscuit in Nelson at all the countdown stores is the Oreo cookies original, 137 gram packet. 137 grams.

That's a weird amount. It is. So if we're going to sweeten the deal and be forcing people to listen to us, I think we've got to be armed with Oreos, which again is like a bit of a yuck biscuit because I only like the icing. I don't like the rest of it. Oreos are delish. Have you had the double Oreo icing ones? They're like double the icing. Double stuffed. See, those are the ones I like.

And then there's one that has chocolate covered as well. Yeah. Oreo, I agree with both of those biscuit choices. Okay, well that's, I'm just putting that out there that we might need to be armed with Oreos. What's your problem? What are you? How big is 137 grams? I'm really stuck on this. Why is it a packet of biscuits?

It's not a whole roll though, is it? No, it'd be one of those little square boxes. One of those little square boxes of Oreo. You know they're funny packets because they come from America. But I'm kind of with Warren. It should be 140 or 130. It shouldn't be an uneven number. It should be 137 and that doesn't

seem like enough biscuits. Is this one of these one servings that people are always talking about? Yeah, but aren't they like a dollar? So you buy like two? Yeah, you've always got to buy a couple. Yeah. Sure. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast. Tonight, TVNZ 2, 8.30, after what's been coined as a cracking show, have you been paying attention?

Another cracking show. You would say that. Another cracking show following the paranormal activity of our capital city wellington paranormal and from that show our officers minogun o'leary good morning good morning good morning morning members of the new zealand police force but of the wellington paranormal unit correct yep right So This is a Documentary series All As it happens

Is how we see it Yep That's right That's right And Dealing with Ghosts Girls

Not funny Girls Girls Girls aren't paranormal They might Just because they're a mystery to you, that doesn't make them... They're also a mystery to me.

They're actually normal. They're not paranormal. They're normal. They're actually normal. Not normal. They're certainly not a mystery to me. No. You know a thing or two about the ladies.

She does know a few things. I thought we were talking about ghouls. Oh, ghouls. Back on. What's your favourite paranormal creature? Girl or paranormal? What do you call your creatures? They're not all creatures, are they?

Entities. It's actually nice for you to ask what our favourite one is. Often people say what's the scariest and the worst one. So we've never had to think about this before. Hence, over to you. I haven't really got an answer. I don't like dealing with any of them really But I don't dislike dealing with them either

Because obviously we have to be open to All of these entities, especially these days You can't discriminate, you can't play favourites You can't play favourites You don't want to get cancelled Online would just set upon you I particularly dislike werewolves People who identify as werewolves are going to have an issue with that

We're about keeping the whole community safe yeah right so you know it's like anything everyone's you know they've got their strengths and their challenges and we're just there

to support communities to stay safe right okay so what are we going to see and this is a six six episodes is there anything that happened

that like you know halfway through you're like this can't this can't be broadcast this is too much for New Zealand there is actually something tonight, isn't there, in the first episode of the series

where you come face to face with a taniwha. Okay. And the final scenes there, that was something that I hadn't anticipated. No, no, that's right. And it was pretty hard to watch. Yeah, it was. And I imagine the public will find that a little bit shocking.

Well, something to behold. It was indeed. Do you. Yeah, it was. And I imagine the public will find that a little bit shocking. Well, so to behold. It was indeed. Do you get scared still? No. No. Or nothing surprised? No. Well.

No, as members of the police force, I'm never scared. Again, Manoge, I think, you know, maybe we've seen that once or twice. I mean, you do a good job of trying to pretend that you're not scared, and that's really admirable. Sometimes my eyes are really big, but that's not because I'm scared. You do have good eyes. It's because I'm excited, I'm enjoying myself, I'm enjoying my job. But obviously as members

of the New Zealand Police Force we have to, you know, fear is not really an option. We have to be brave in the face of all sorts of things. And how's Sarge? Oh. He's alright. He's good. He's good? He's keeping well? He's keeping well?

Yep. Yep. I think so. He only really talks to us at work. Oh, right. No, sort of socialising outside of work. He's never been to Auckland. He was invited today.

Obviously, he couldn't make it. Right. Okay. No interest. There's a lot to do in Wellington. A lot to do. Obviously. He's very committed to his job.

Well, what about you guys outside of work? What do you do to socialise with each other? Hobbies or? Socialise with each other. Weird. or? Socialise with each other. Weird. Well, I'm always asking O'Leary if she wants to catch up. She's really busy outside of work. She's in a softball league, which takes up a lot of her time.

Yeah, so we don't really see each other except at work, do we? You don't even hang out with your brother Adam the most, do you? That's true. That is true, yeah. So, yeah, I just wait, really. I go to work and then I sit at home and wait to go back to work. Wow.

That's how I spend my time. Dedication to the job. That's actually admirable at this time of age. Most of us sort of wait. You've got to recharge the batteries. I only work to live, but you live to work. I do, yeah. Sometimes you watch television, but TVNZ too?

Yep, yep. 8.30 is on Wednesday So I watch it mostly What about 7.30 Do you watch that other show 7.30 what's on then Don't know Shortland Street So after Shortland Street

After Shortland Street Before your show Have you been That's missable No I'm joking If you have to choose Between the two things What would you go for

Out of which two sorry Have you been Paying attention And Wellington Paranormal What would you go for For me it's sorry oh the have you been paying attention and wellington paranormal what would you go for well for me it's a no-brainer yeah that's right well this is good what other uh what are they without giving it away obviously because you know you've lived it but you've got to keep the people watching, the audience wanting more. What other entities are we dealing with this season?

What have you got? Are we allowed to say? I don't know if we're allowed to say. You mean because Sarge will tell us off? Yeah, that's right. There's a haunted car. Oh, okay. What else is there?

Well, there may or may not be some sort of witchery type. Yeah, that's right. There might be some witchery. A coven. Yeah, a coven. That's right. of witchery type. Yeah, that's right. There might be some witchery. A coven. Yeah, a coven. That's right. Okay, right. There might even be, you never know, there might be...

Something else. Some sort of things that look a little bit like us but aren't us. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Well, you can check it out the first episode tonight after Have You Been Paying Attention. TVNZ2. It is Wellington Paranormal Season 2.

Officers, Minogue and O'Leary, you've got to get back to it, I suppose. Get back to Wellington. That's right. What are you guys going to do now? What are you up to? You going to keep talking about biscuits? I was really enjoying that biscuit chat was good. What's your favourite biscuit, Minogue?

Well, I'm a vegan, so my favourite is an Oreo that has no dairy products in it whatsoever. I don't know if you knew that. It's just strange because they match that up with the milk and yet it's a vegan, so my favourite is Norio. That has no dairy products in it whatsoever. I don't know if you knew that. It's just strange because they match that up with the milk, and yet it's a vegan product. So anyway, yeah, there you go. Great. And do you still want to know about my favourite biscuit?

I don't really like biscuits. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. Someone has slid into the DMs and asked a question and I get a lot of questions, but I don't always feel prepared or educated enough to know what to say. And this one, I don't know what to say. Hey, that doesn't stop the internet.

You just shout something and then like angrily fight with anybody with an opposing opinion, even if they are an expert in the field. This one, initially I was like, absolutely not. But now I've thought about it and I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what I would do. Hit us. This is a female, eh? She said,

I am pregnant. My partner has a very close relationship with his mother. So her mother-in-law. He wants her in the delivery room and I'm not keen but he is adamant it's happening. That's a hard no. What do I do? What do I say?

Because like that's your body isn't it? And your experience. That's all up in your grill. I feel like you have the choice. It's your, I think it is, it's your decision. Yeah. he can't just say hey mom wants to watch my mom wants to watch well i mean she might not be down that end of the beach she might be like oh yeah right just support network she's been through that she knows

what that's like yeah like i can understand the husband wanting you've been in the delivery room. Yeah. How did that go? Oh, it was magical. Both times. Was there anyone else there? No, doctors and stuff. I don't remember. Sade's mum was there for Indy's birth, but when August came,

Sade's mum was looking after Indy. Right. So she was there. I can't remember if she was like, I think she was in the actual, I think she was there, but that was Sade's mum and Sade had chosen for her mum to be there. Yeah, right.

I was never going to be like, hey, my mum wants a gawk as well. That's the thing, mate. I feel like it's the choice of the person giving birth. That's what it boils down to. Are you allowed to bring snacks? Like, can you bring Maltese? Snacks are encouraged.

Microwave popcorn? Not to the Caesarean part, because that's in an operating theatre, but if it's a standard birthing room, yes. Popcorn could get in. Yeah, this popcorn

could fall into the womb. Oh my God. Isn't that weird? So, okay, so what about this one? I had dinner the other night with some friends.

You also know this person. He said, I'm not going to name names. He said, he is going to go along to watch this person's sister give birth. His sister?

Or someone he knows' sister? Someone he knows' sister. It's got to be close, mate. You can't just know any... She's down with it. Is she home birthing? I believe so, yeah. I was but she's down with it. And he's down with it. Oh, she's home birthing? Oh, that's fine. I believe so, yeah.

I was going to say, you're not allowed that many people in the delivery room. God, I was like, oh, I'm going to get in trouble for talking about this. But would you? But, I mean, if she's down for it, then it's all good. It's not how I would choose to have it go down.

Yeah, I don't think I'd ever want to see that, but, I mean, that's just me. Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't have my mother-in-law, but I also don't think she would want to be there. She'd maybe be outside, but...

Nearby. It's a different thing, isn't it? Like, you go there and once you're comfortable afterwards and settle down,

then you get to invite them and they get to meet their grandchild and that's a pretty cool experience. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like, you've also just given birth to a watermelon. So, you've also just given birth to a watermelon so

you've got to be comfortable and um yeah that's okay well do you think we should take head now take some calls on this and see where people stand on this so maybe you've been in this situation where um people have invited someone along to your birth i don't know people are just turned up and you're like, I'm busy here. Yeah. Yeah. Like, who's been in the birthing, what do you call it? Suite?

It's the honeymoon suite. Oh, is it? Okay. Yeah. I'm about to give birth. Is there any chance of an upgrade in this hotel room? No. They're very messy procedure

giving birth. All right, we'll give us a call. I'll go to hundreddiles.com 9696. Who was there? Who was in the birthing suite? And maybe you didn't want them there? Yeah.

Maybe they were uninvited. Maybe your partner invited them. Maybe there was a fight with the in-laws. Give us a call. Or maybe they were the orderly and they were just doing a mop and they just hung around for a look. Oh, my God. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

We have a dilemma. Someone wants to know if it's okay that she's kind of being forced to having her mother-in-law in the birthing suite. Partner's really close with them and he really wants her there even though she's not keen. It's your squeezing a baby out. It's up to you 100%. It's your bits and pieces.

It's your bits and pieces. It's very personal. Yeah. But it's not uncommon for family members. We're hearing it's not uncommon for family members to get a bedside all-access pass. I mean, I personally find it weird. I'm not down. I mean, you've been there, Vaughn.

I found it quite an intimate experience, but different folks, different strokes. That's your wife. You're not a relative anymore. No. Listen to some of these text messages. Okay. I had my partner, my mom, my auntie, my best friend, and my teenage son in the delivery room.

It was a party. Teenage son? It was a party up in there. After four long days of labor, we'd had the entire family over for almost a week. It was like one long sleepover party. We also ended up with six medical staff in the room too. So six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven makes a teenage son.

Are they talking about during the actual birth, not during labour? No, no, during the actual birth. Good Lord. That's insane. Tracy, who was there in the delivery room or who wanted to get in? My ex-father-in-law. Right. He had found out that I was in labour,

and so he turned up at the hospital and was fighting with my midwife to try and get in the door with a camera. But the worst... He wanted to have a gawk and make a home video. Yeah, pretty much. But the worst part was, is he had some random that no one had ever met with him because back then before Tinder was around,

there was NZ Dating online. Yeah. What? You're telling me he picked up someone from NZ Dating? Yeah, he was on a date with her. To video your birth? It was his director's assistant. Yeah. Wanted. director's assistant. Yeah.

Wanted. Date with cinematography experience. Was it going to be his grandchild? Yeah, it's his granddaughter. But yeah, so he was obviously on a date and then he just decided that it was a really good idea to turn up with the date.

And then I was in the middle of pushing. I had my legs up in the air and he put his head in the door. G'day, love. How are door. G'day love, how are ya? G'day Trace! I swore at him and told him to get out and then after I'd given birth, he brings this random

and she gives me flowers and a card and a hug and I'm like, who are you? I'm from NZ Dating. My name's Tracey too! Wow! Are they still together? Oh, no, no. I don't think it went past that date.

I think that's pretty much a really bad first date. Of course, she would have wasted all that money on the flowers. And how's your relationship with him? Oh, you know, I don't see him all that often. Me and that guy broke up a long time ago. Oh, right. Okay, good. Yeah.

We had a creepy father-in-law, aren't we? All right. Hey, thanks for your call, Tracy. Kath, you're currently pregnant. Kathleen. Yes, I am. And does everybody want an invite?

No, it was my choice who I got to invite, but I thought, you know, just it's normal for your mother-in-law to be there because it's like your husband's kid too. Yeah. So she's going to be there, my mother-in-law to be there because it's like your husband's kid too. Yeah.

So she's going to be there, my mother-in-law, my mum, my sister-in-law and my sister. Okay. Oh, okay. What does your sister-in-law need to be there for? We're really close, so it just makes sense. It's like a little support team. She's like a normal sister. Right, yeah, okay, okay, okay okay i get that because i mean i'm

guessing you can stand at the side of the beard hey like you don't need to be at home you don't need to be under the goal posts no no no no you don't have to take the baby no you don't i'd just be on the sideline like a riff this is a rugby analogy it's not like the camera on the log flow and they don't have to be there to take the photo when it comes out of the tunnel. No, you're not. With the shocked face and everyone with their arms up. I know. You never expect that camera, eh?

You never expect that camera. Yeah. Side note, take a photo of the photo and you don't have to pay at any same time. Not the same with a baby. Yeah, no. I had my mum, my stepdad, my sister, my niece, my teenage stepdaughter and two midwives in the room.

It was also filmed, which I didn't know. And my stepdad had already, was so excited he started showing people the video before I knew and I put a stop to it. Watch that. I don't know. Who's thinking that's a good idea? So we did run a poll on our Instagram

and we said your in-laws being in the room while you give birth, yay or nay, 93% nay. No way. No way to in-laws in there while you're birthing. A midwife messaged in saying you get yourself a good midwife. They'll remove anyone making you uncomfortable and ask you quite discreetly who you do and don't want in there. So then they can be the bad guy. Because legally they can use a taser, can't they?

They've got one on them at all times. They've got one on them. Midwives? Yep. They can be the bad guy. Because legally they can use a taser, can't they? They've got one on them at all times. They've got one on them. Yeah. Red Wives? Yeah. I was in the room for all three of my nephews and nieces' births. I was even allowed to catch my niece when she fell out. I said, ha, it feels like I'm holding a bag of sausages.

So that's, I mean, that's a different experience. You become very comfortable. Do they come out on the plastic tray? Yeah, with the soaky thing in the bottom of the plastic tray and a plastic wrap over the top. And a little metal thing in the bottom so you don't steal it. I nearly put that mint sanitary pad in my wok the other day because you forget they're there sometimes.

That's why you always go up. From normal Soaky, you flip it up, down. You never slide it straight off the tray because there might be a mint sanitary pad in the bottom. Because I think that's why my nachos tasted plasticky. Oh, my God. You got a little singe of that in there. there might be a mint sanitary pad in the bottom. Because I think that's why my nachos tasted plasticky. Oh, my God. You got a little singe of that in there. A little singe of sanitary pad.

Yeah. Someone said I had twins in a small country hospital. It felt like everyone and their dog popped in during the birth. I counted 15 people at one point. Oh, my God. I was on pretty good drugs, so I'm pretty sure it was 15. It's like a live studio audience. Yeah.

Yeah. He's done great. Someone's like, and now we laugh. And they're all like, yeah. Vaughn's just giving us a background of his TV show, which is on tonight at 7.30. They've got hand signals for laugh. More louder.

More laugh. His ego gets bruised and he just keeps saying it until somebody laughs. ZM's Fletch Vaughn and Megan, the podcast. Vaughn, what are you doing? We're on the radio. We're on the radio. I was just gossiping with the girls. What were you gossiping about? You have to tell everyone now.

Megan and I weren't involved in that. What were you gossiping about? Chewing gum. We were distracted in the studio too, weren't we, Fletch? It's time for Jesus, is it? Hold on. I don't think we should promise that. It's time for...

No, again, I don't think we should promise that. You've got a fact of the day, right? No, I don't know if I do, to be honest. Oh, my God. It's been a busy day. It's been a busy time. Oh, actually, now would be a good time to bring up the fact that when Vaughan does his TV show on Tuesday nights,

he doesn't contribute to the show. No. And now he hasn't contributed to a fact of the day And that's why he doesn't contribute to Fact of the Day either. And now he doesn't have a Fact of the Day prepared, does he? I thought I had one spare. But I can't remember if I did. No, I used it yesterday with the F and the V sound. Oh my God. Remember

the other day when you said you can have a choice between two and you said you'll save the other one for another time? Yeah, the F and the V. That was the F and the V sound. Well, you've got ten seconds. It's time for Fact of the Day! Day! the one for another time? Yeah, the F and the V. That was the F and the V sound. Well, you've got 10 seconds. It's time for Fact of the Day! Day, day, day, day! What are you guys looking at? I was just showing Megan a photo.

Carry on. My eyes are burning. Why are your eyes burning? Today's fact of the day is about Friends, the TV show, which is 25 years old this year. Are you talking about Courtney Cox? No, Jennifer Anderson. She's just got Instagram, by the way. Yeah, they had a Friends reunion.

This is about one of her Friends co-stars, Matthew Perry Chandler Bing. Okay. He said that he's had problems with drugs in the past. He has. He cannot remember three seasons of Friends. He cannot remember being part of or filming three seasons of Friends. He can watch episodes and not recall actually actively taking part in those episodes of Friends due to the fact that he was abusing substances. Seasons three to six.

Even without abusing substances, can you remember some years of us working together? No. Yeah. That's so long ago, eh? 2000... I remember the start. Yeah. And then there long ago, eh? 2000. I remember the start. Yep. And then there's just big black nothingness.

Holes of. 2006 through 9's very mushy. Why? That was party pills years, wasn't it? Legal party pills. Was that legal? And then when I started in 2009, you're like, oh my God. Maybe snapped me back to reality.

Yeah. Snapped back to reality. Oop, there goes Rabbit. Maybe he snapped me back to reality. Snap back to reality. Oop, there goes Rabbit. Okay, that's a song from the time around then. You know, that's... So what, he's... How's he doing now? Because is he still a bit...

A bit what? Well, I mean, I don't know a lot about addiction, but I know you're considered... What's horrible? Once you're an addict, you're an addict for life, you know, you're always just one thing away from slipping back into it

and people have moments where they go back into it, but alas, I heard he was. He's sober, yeah. Yeah. So he said he was, it was the mix of painkillers

and alcohol. Right. That makes the memory fuzzy. He was getting by day to day, functioning, getting done, could do the show. Yeah.

But obviously looking back on it, has no memory of it. I wonder what famous episodes of Friends there are that he can't remember filming. Like there'd be some legendary parts that he was a part of and he just has no recollection. And he's not like the rest of us. He wouldn't have been watching that on repeat for the last 25 years. Yeah.

Would he? Because he was on it. Do you reckon they do? Because if they sit down, it's always on TV. Yeah. Do you reckon he does? Do you reckon he'd sit down and be like, oh, Friends is on? Probably not.

No, because it would be quite traumatic, I think, to watch that and be like, I don't remember any of that. Like, oh, this whole thing was one of the best things to happen to me in my life, but also one of the worst. But then I wonder if you start creating, like, fake memories. Like, you know when you can't remember something, but someone's told you about it? Like, when you're a little kid, you think you remember things,

but it's more that you've been told about it and seen photos or maybe videos of it. Oh, no idea. So you create that meta memory of you think you can remember it, but you can remember more being told about it. Maybe. And you've created it. Deep.

Good Lord. Deep. So today's fact of the day is Matthew Perry can't remember filming three seasons of Friends. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. We have been showcased on the world stage Stephen Colbert, talk show host is in New Zealand, he got invited personally by Jacinda Ardern on his show

That's right and he is here at the moment he is in Queenstown. Looks like it's Queenstown, yeah. Up the Remarks or that little hill by the airport. Yeah. He's a massive fan of Tolkien. Yeah.

And he was actually in Peter Jackson's Hobbit. He was one of the Lake Town spies. I didn't know that he was actually in In the Desolation of Smorg. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In The Hobbit. Yeah, he was in The Hobbit. Yeah. The second one?

Desolation of Smorg. Yeah. Smorg. Right. So he actually put the outfit on again with the hair and everything and he's put up a selfie. So it's him up on a hill.

It's a beautiful picture. New Zealand. Beautiful day of Queenstown. Beautiful showcasing New Zealand. And he just put Lake Town spy returns and he's a beautiful picture. Beautiful day of Queenstown. Beautiful showcasing New Zealand. And he just put Lake Town Spy Returns and he's absolutely jazzed. There are not many celebrities that I would stalk and try to track down to get a photo

with, but he would be one of them. YouTube? Okay, so when the Prime Minister calls to the show, sometimes she'll call during the ad break before we go on air or the song. And we'll have a little bit of banter with her. And several times, Vaughn and I have said, when is Stephen Colbert coming?

And she doesn't say. But the last time we spoke to her. We're too busy. We went live with her. We went live with her and we didn't ask. And that was the day when she had him come to her house. And they went out to the cafe in Morningside in Auckland. That's on her, though.

She knows how much you two love him. I know. And she didn't mention it. We've been unsubtly dropping hints. So Vaughn called in a favour to the Prime Minister. And you went to school. We've talked about this. You went to school with Jacinda.

Oh, I've hardly mentioned that at all. And so Vaughan decided to slide into her Instagram DMs on Friday and again Actually, if I just go back a little bit further I said because I hit her up about going to

dinner with Lorde and not being invited, that was more of an owl. I said, to be honest, that Stephen Colbert that I want you to introduce me to, he's my hero, bookmark it. She said, noted. I'm sure we could find a way. So she's just a lying politician. Because on Friday I said, when and where

do I have to be to meet the Colbert? And she said, hello, I hope I haven't dashed all your boyhood dreams. I said, I saw the coffee in Morningside and Morningside, I can't believe he was in the wild. She said he was briefly in the wild of Morningside. I said, what a guy. She said, super nice, but no, like, apologies for...

It's just another election promise that she's broken to us, Vaughan and I. That's how we feel. Yeah. I mean, it's not as if she's unaware of your love for him. You do go on and on and on about it. Oh, he's so great. He's clever. He's a unaware of your love for him. You do go on and on and on about it. Oh, he's so great. He's clever.

He's a clever man. He's kind. There'll be New Zealanders that are coming in contact with him today who just don't care. There'll be people in Queensland who have no idea who they're dealing with. Oh. And he's been here almost a week too, so he can't be long for this world. He's got to be flying out of Auckland, eh?

Should we just camp at the airport with a sign? Do you think he's going to Nelson tomorrow? Got to mention that. Why did you look at Vaughan Hopeful? He's not going to Nelson. Because I'm just like, we can get a car and just find him. Did they film some of that like in Takaka or something? Yeah, around.

They could. Because they did the, but the river scene was before they got to the village because remember when they went down the river in the barrels and we went down that river too. Has he been to Hobbiton yet? If we had reports of that, he must have been. I don't know the reports of Hobbiton. No, he would have put up a picture, surely.

Are you going to go camp out at Hobbiton? Nan's house is just down the way. Yeah, because Nan gets a couple of double passes every year, doesn't she? Or she gets a local's discount. She gets to go for free and she can get you in for cheap. Okay. Well, anyway.

I don't think your dreams are coming true. Our dreams have not come true. Yes. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. A Christchurch woman who only wanted to be identified

as Sarah apart from the fact that she says exactly where she lives and has her photo in the paper. Which I'm all for anonymity if you're being a bit of a vigilante, but if Bruce Wayne had played this far so much of his identity, everyone would have been like,

Bruce Wayne is Batman. And Bruce Wayne would have been like, how did you know? Yeah. She made her own rumble strip. She bought $300 worth of cat size. Now, I believe I didn't even know cat size were for private purchase. I mean, obviously they are for purchase. So councils buy them and put them on roads.

These are the reflective things that are glued onto the road in between the white lines. So, yeah, when you change lines and sometimes you miss all of them and you go, you're like, I've nailed life. Yeah. When you miss all of them. You get one wheel across, one side of the car across. You're like, go for side two. But then side two is like, picks up one on the back across, you're like, go for side two. But then side two is like,

picks up one on the back wheel, you're like, so what did she put them up like the middle of the road? She said there's a stop sign and people don't see it. And so sunstrike and just not seeing it. And they go through the intersection. There's been crashes. Right. She's lived there for two years.

So there's another identifying feature of how long she's lived in the area. She used liquid nails to attach the cat's eyes. But so did she put them along the stop line? She put them before the stop. So you'd hit them and be like brr brr brr brr. And then it would make you be like, what was that? Stop sign, stop.

Okay. Was that a child? Stop. She spends a lot of money. 300 bucks. 300 bucks and liquid nails. For public safety. And then she would have had to buy a caulking gun. All I can find on AliExpress are like a couple of solar ones. There's some solar red and blue ones, highway road stud, cat size,

and they're like $760 each. Well, yeah, she said she bought $300 worth and then later in the piece talks about $35 cat size. Excuse me. the plain ones. $300 worth and then later in the piece talks about 35 cat size. Excuse my, excuse me. So, I assume, yeah,

she was paying near bloody 10 bucks a pop. But is there a shop you can just go into and it's like, I mean, I'm sure you've got to buy road cones from somewhere, right?

So, road cone stores? Like a safety store? Cat size, very, very particular. Yeah, there's literally only three

on AliExpress and they're all like LED ones that flash. I found a New Zealand website where you can buy them, but they're only $4 each. She overpaid. How many? No, but she's including. How many did she buy?

35. I don't know what 35 times $4 is. It's 120 something. And how much is the corking thing and the liquid nails? The corking. She's overpaid. You can get some no nails, liquid nails for,

bugger all. What, like 10 bucks? No, she's rounding up. You know how someone's like, how much did you spend? Oh, like 300 bucks. So what can happen to her? Is she like,

she could face trouble, right? Well, no, she said she made the council aware of the issue and they did bloody nothing. Classic. And so she took matters into her own hands, but they said, well, it's been installed incorrectly and that's illegally.

Sorry, it's been installed. There's no correct way to install things. You're just making up. But it's been installed illegally, so it'll have to be removed because, of course, that's not how the New Zealand roading conventions. No, you don't just run over a strip of cat's eyes. Because cat's eyes, that would confuse drivers because they're normally in the middle of the road, not across it.

Yeah, but it would snap to their attention and that was what she wanted. I just, yeah, it's like that time my mate's neighbours up at the beach built a speed bump out of sand. To slow people down. Wow. Yeah. It worked. It ripped

the front bumper off a couple of souped up Hondas. Okay. Did the trick. It did that. You ready? ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, why not give ZM's Bree and Clint a listen too?

Subscribe on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts. And music lives here. ZM.