ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - October 21 2019

Episode Date: October 20, 2019

Don't Get Fletch Started, It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas and what happened when your parents left you alone?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

ZM. Head music lives here. Flesh, Fauna, Megan. The podcast. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Flesh, Fauna. Do we need this? Yeah. Do we need this? Everyone, rise and shine. Just to bring everybody up to date, Kylie Jenner uploaded this video where she whacks her daughter up. And goes, rise and shine. And the internet just seems really taken by it.

I just can't get enough. It's so stupid. Oh, my God. But this will get stuck in your head. It's not becoming a thing. I'll tell you that right now. It's already a thing. No, I mean on the show, to start the show. Oh, okay.

I feel like that's a great way to start the show. Who rides in shine? Well, as you heard Ani mention, and you would have known after the All Blacks win against Ireland at the weekend

we are in the semi-final of the Rugby World Cup against England that game is going to be 9 o'clock Saturday That's so lovely it's like leisurely hours

I know, it's a good hour Oh, I thought you were going to say that's so late Well, no That is late Because the other ones have been late Well, no, I didn't watch

the Irish game that was too late I just got up in the morning and. Because the other ones have been late. Well, no, I didn't watch the Irish game. That was too late. I just got up in the morning and didn't look at the news and watched it then. Did you? Yeah. Because you just press go on the old Spark Sport and it works straight away. So you don't have to wait around for a replay. So, yeah, that's a good time.

The other semi will be Sunday. That's Wales, South Africa. So we're going to play either or knock on wood. If we beat England, we'll either be up against Wales or South Africa. And they only just beat France. Wales. Yeah.

So we're thinking South Africa. I thought it was pretty mean of South Africa to beat Japan. It was, wasn't it? Because it's their home. Yeah. That's rude. Actually, absolutely thrash them. Is that going to cause a problem Japan. It was, wasn't it? Because it's their home. Yeah. That's rude. Absolutely thrash them.

Is that going to cause a problem if there's a New Zealand-South Africa final in your household with your extended family? We always go the All Blacks if they're going together. It's always the All Blacks. Yeah, but... What? Well, they can't lose, can they?

Either way. Well, no, if they're supporting the All Blacks, they can lose. I feel they just say that to switch allegiance. Very much All Blacks. Very much so. Right, right. The top six is coming up.

Yeah, New Zealand First had its party conference of the weekend. That was 80% of the people who attended as well. Yeah. Because they were old. Didn't Winston just spend the whole time talking about national? Oh, Winston spent the whole time bitching. How old is he?

Is he got another? I feel like. Like, no offence, but has he got another four? Wasn't he like 74 when we looked at last election? But then you think about like the Democratic. Yeah, he's 74 now. The Democratic nominees, some of them like Biden and Sanders. If they were president, they'd be like 80.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bernie Sanders is an old fella. To be fair, Winston's like doing all right for 74. No, he's looked like that for like the last 40 years. I know, that's what I mean. Well, he announced quite a radical idea. He said that every youth, when they leave school, regardless of when they leave school, if they leave school earlier,

if they finish year 13 and then leave school, should have to do 100 hours compulsory community service. So would there be military? No. No, they do that in Norway. And the best thing about that is... Israel, it used to be... Yeah. Every country used to do it.

South Korea. New Zealand even used to do it back in the day. You get some hot Tinder profile pics. That's about the only good thing to come out of it, I think. That's... But you were there for like a whole year. Yeah, right. Okay.

So it was more than a Tinder profile pic. No, thanks. Well, unless it's all that fun obstacle course and throwing grenades. I'd be down for that. Probably work towards throwing grenades. That whole people telling you what to do thing, I don't like that. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time.

Time for story time. I've got three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan, deliberate. Pick one headline only. The others you're not allowed to find out about. Okay, that's just the rules. Definitely never Google. And definitely no Googling.

Headline one, dance prison. Headline two, student on a roll. And headline three, Queensland Council to use strategic bush. Queensland Council to use strategic bush. Queensland Council to use strategic bush. Yes. That fascinates me, that headline. I'd be very interested in hearing more. Is number one about like dancing prisoners?

Or is it about? Oh, is it the old? Dancing prisoners? Oh, yeah, right. Is it the old Malays dancing prisoners? Or is it about... Oh, is it the old... Is it about dancing prisoners? Oh, yeah, right. Is it the old Malaysian... No. Different prison doing a dance. It's more along the lines of...

What was that book that we read ages ago about that prison? And was it Bolivia? Oh, yeah, yeah. The way you could go and... Yeah, yeah. Stay and kind of function like a mini society. Yeah. Right.

Kind of more along the lines of that. Okay. Bush. The Bush one. The Bush Kind of more along the lines of that. Okay. Bush. The Bush one. The Bush? Do you reckon the Bush one? Queensland Council to use strategic Bush. Yeah.

All right. We go now to Bribie Island. The Queensland Council have said they will use a strategic bush outside its art centre to hide the vulva on a sculpture called Birth of Venus, following a complaint from the Bribie Islands Lulu Drew and the community

there. A couple of members upset at the sculpture. Let me just bring up a picture, Megan, if you could just zoom in there. I can't see him. I'm looking at a... Oh, I can't see the... So it's like a stone sculpture of a woman lying on their side. And Megan, just can you explain for the listeners? So you know when you lie on your side and you have your knees up?

So you can see... Oh yeah, and it sneaks out the bottom. You can see her bottom and... Yeah. So obviously... What's the problem with that? How are you going to put a bush to hide that? Because her knees are kind of, like, bent up under it.

Yeah, I don't... Do you mean, like, an actual, like... Oh, there's a close-up? There's a bit of close-up? Yeah, no, mate. We've all seen one. Thanks for pointing it out, though. Thanks for running it by us.

Wow. I mean, it's quite there, isn't it? I mean, it's quite confronting. No, it's not, you prudish bunch of bloody churchgoers. That's fine. Well, the complainant, Mrs. Drew, said she wasn't ashamed of the female body, but the sculpture had a very distasteful pose. Oh, my God.

As the Bridey Island was home to many older people, her complaint was more about respecting the elders. And so the council has said they will place a strategic bush in front of the vulva so that there are no more complaints. And I'm guessing if you wanted a peak, you could move the strategic bush. I'm unsure if that's in a pot plant form or not, so that you could then see the sculpture.

This is not the first time this sculpture's attracted attention. No, it's not. In 2008, because I had to Google it to see what it looks like. Wait, so the sculpture's old? Yeah. You can see it's a little weather-worn. But just leave it. It's been there for ages.

It's weather-worn. On the top. In 2008, it created headlines when the mayor, Alan Sutherland of Caboolture, which is that drink you make out of a scoby, ordered it to be moved after vandals painted the vulva pink. You'd never know, though. It's been, I'd say she's been sandblasted. Do you want to be gentle, though, if you're sandblasting your vulva pink. You'd never know, though. It's been,

I'd say she's been sandblasted. Do you want to be gentle, though, if you're sandblasting your vulva? Imagine doing an unveiling and not having seen it beforehand. Yeah. You're like, oh, wow. Wow. Wow.

That's quite something. Wow. Wow. Because it comes in three pieces, a shell, a plaque, and Venus. Now, Venus is the vulva owner. Right, right. Do you remember that guy who chainsawed the Maori carving recently?

Yeah, he took the penis off it because he found penises so offensive. Yeah. I don't know. I think it's weird that we're so— What's wrong with people, eh? Yeah. It's like that As soon as your kids

Like Cause I'm imagining They'll be worried about the children right? Yeah As soon as your children are old enough To be like Ha ha ha They're old enough to have it

Explain to them what it is Yeah And that everybody has one When they're born naked I just think it's so weird People are like Oh we shan't risk the children Seeing a vulva.

I grew up in a nudie park and I'm fine. Half of them have them. Are you? Yeah. Are you fine? Yeah. Fleshforn and Megan,

the podcast. ZM. Span news for men with beards. Men with beards, yep. What did you think that said? I was thinking I was supposed to say men's with beards. No. Men's with beards is Men with beards, yep. What did you think that said? I was thinking we're supposed to say men's with beards. No, men's with beards

is bad news. Bad news, men with beards. Facial hair is becoming increasingly popular for men, including beards. Really getting a resurgence right now. You think about all the beard grooming places you can

go to. It's crazy. It's awesome. It's great. But it's not good news for getting a job because psychologists in Florida, they have done a study

and they've found that people or men with beards put off prospective employers and they're not entirely sure why. Don't care. But they think it makes men look more aggressive.

Yeah, bitch. Said in the most aggressive way possible. Yeah, bitch. Yeah, bitch. And employers fear they lack warmth and the ability to get on with their colleagues. Oh, this is right. This is exactly you. Totally you.

Oh, I'm a warm. When's the last time you went to one of our work drinks? Oh, it's too far to come. Well, that's just, you're just picking on me now. And how many coffee cups have you smashed on the ground very aggressively? Quite a few, but that's by the by. I shan't have that dragged up in a court of laws, thank you. So, yeah, they've found that it's putting them off,

but they're not entirely sure why, but men wearing a tie or glasses got jobs much easier. This is so vintage. If you're going for a job interview and you've got a trimmed, nice beard, surely that's fine, right? Like if you've looked after it well. Not like Vaughan's mess over there. I beg your pardon.

It's like back in the day, workplaces would be no beds at all, wouldn't they? No beds? What about the police? They were like a moustache, eh? But beds, were you allowed beds? Because you're allowed them now, aren't you? Yeah. But back in the day, were they like, no beds?

You had to be clean shaven. And even a lot of workplaces would have had a no beds policy, I'd say. But now it's kind of, it's cool and everyone's for it. This is terrible. What? This anti-bed propaganda that's going around.

It's just another reason why I should never lose this job because you're completely unhirable to anyone else. We all are. Well, I could... Speak for yourself. ...be a police officer with my bed.

Could you? Well, what else are you not allowed to have done? I think you're saying, what do I need to be able to do? But if you haven't been caught for them, technically you don't have a record. So you're pretty fine. I'm in. Yeah. I think you'd just get a bit carried away with the lights and sirens, though.

Well, I mean, I'm only human. I'd get home quicker, though. Again, you're not I'm only human. I'd get home quicker, though. Again, you're not allowed to do that. I think that's why you wouldn't last. Proud upon. There's a new drama series coming to three. Okay. I assume.

We hope. Well, it's been made, so it'd be a shame if it went to waste. Head High is going to be based on the Auckland high school rugby poaching situation. You might remember some high schools refused to play St. Kendergern's College because they were just like... That's the real flash school we went to and they had golf carts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ooh la la.

They were like, we'll take you to the drama room Get on the golf cart We're like Oh my god Well, they sent the golf cart to Pacific Island Nations for rugby players Yep Send the golf cart to Southern Melbourne, get us a big boy So they had, and they just went around other schools

And they were like, you're massive, you're massive. Come and learn at this massive, expensive school for nothing. Yeah. Condition of, you have to play rugby for our team. And form a giant wall of defence. Yeah. So St. Kent's and other schools with money just kind of became these unstoppable forces

and all these other schools were like, we're not playing you. Wasn't that just like a scholarship program? That's not like not allowed. Yeah, but they were taking them from other schools, like, we're not playing you. Isn't that just like a scholarship program? That's not like not allowed. Yeah, but they were taking them from other schools. Right. Other schools were like, these kids are like the next big rugby player from our school. But that's just what happens in sporting life.

These are bloody high school kids, mate. Yeah. You know, leave that sort of stuff for when you finish school and then everybody starts the bidding war for if they're going to play for the Crusaders or the Highlanders. Are you running out of teams? Or the Hurricanes or the Chiefs or the Blues. Okay, you did well.

That's all of them, eh? I think so. Yeah. And so it's all about like the drama behind that. Right, okay. Yeah. Much different for like any drama based at your average high school, which would just be like someone in the science block

thought it would be funny to set the curtains on fire with a Buxom burner. Yeah, we didn't really have any drama that would make great TV. Boy, what about you, Megan? Didn't someone teach you to sleep with someone? Oh, that was Marlborough. I think that's every school, isn't it, at some stage? Yeah. Throughout its history.

So this drama is going to be on three. It's got a whole swag of Shortner Street. Oh, okay. Stars. And Jonah Fahoo, who's on Game of Thrones. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And just New Zealand faces that you'll know playing rugby.

Are they playing high school kids? Yeah. Is Jonah Fahoo playing? No, no, no, no, no school kids? Yeah, is Jonah Farhoo playing? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. He'll be playing like the coach or the rugby player. I was going to say. Like a dad or something. Okay, mate.

Wish they looked like that. Man, this school's math class is hard out. I'm 17. You guys 17 too? We're all 17. No, he's not like a 17-year-old. Okay, that's good. Yeah, but isn't that like every Netflix or movie anyway?

And they're like, I'm 17. And you can see their stubble that they've just freshly shaven that morning. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. A poll's been done in the UK. A thousand Brits under the age of 40 have been studied, and it has revealed that two out of three of those people had got into debt emulating their favourite influences online, on Instagram.

So it found that that group of under 40s in the UK that worked out would spend 400 million pounds a month mimicking things that they've seen on Instagram. Buying clothes, holidays, watches, cars, whatever. Isn't that insane? 400 million pounds? Yeah.

A month. Collectively. Collectively, not each. Obviously not each. Obviously not. They're taking up half a billion pounds. Yeah, I mean, the banks are out of control letting this kind of money.

Right. So they worked out from the top 20 UK Instagram influencers that if the average person wanted to mimic, say, for example, one post alone, it would set you back £6,700. So just over $12,000 New Zealand dollars. Are we talking like travel stuff or like beauty?

Yeah, travel, clothing. Beauty products. Beauty products. Everything. Everything, yeah. And then also what this study says is that these influencers are probably getting a lot of this for free on top of that. So good luck.

Are we talking UK? Yeah. Because if you follow like Love Island, as soon as they're done with Love Island, it's like Gucci shoes, lip injections, like all their clothes. Exactly. Really unrealistic lifestyle. But people are trying to

Drink bottles with your names on them. Yeah. That get mouldy when you don't clean them properly. Yeah, those aren't You should really clean them. Yeah. But yeah, apparently

it's just a silly culture and Instagram that's causing people to go into a lot of debt trying to mimic those online. Instagram just has a lot to answer for,

doesn't it? We just get rid of it. But how often would that be one of your... I forgot my phone at the weekend and I was like, the need to just tap in

every now and then. I was like, it's not a tool, it's not there. You're like, ooh, this isn't good. No, I like it when you go out

without your phone and you're like, I should do this more often and then you get home and you're straight on it. Yeah. Yeah. But when you take it away

from yourself and it's not an option, it's good, I reckon. But then like when you're out and you're like, oh, just Google. Oh, can't. Yeah. Just ask somebody else. Because I know you could delete them off your phone, but What, the apps?

Yeah, then you just have a really expensive map in your pocket. But then what about all the good stuff on Instagram? I know. Yeah. Like food. Hot people? I mean mean they're up there They gotta eat They gotta eat Am I right? Hot people

They gotta eat Can't be easy Being that hot Must be burning calories You gotta eat Being so hot You gotta eat Right

I can't think of really anything else Like if you're into something, it's nice. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Like, we see photos of Land Rovers and goats and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I'm really not into too much else.

Highland cattle. I've followed a few Highland cattle. This is the thing. If someone was trying to emulate your Instagram life, how much is a Highland cattle and a goat? And then the vet bills. And you've got to have somewhere to put them. Putting yourself into debt.

This is the problem with Instagram. But it's also not something you just like one day you're like, that's it, I'm going crazy, I'm buying all of this. You just slowly... You build your way up. From the ZM Think Tank, this is the Top 6.

Hello there. New Zealand first had their party conference at the weekend. They had a nap halfway through, and then later in the day, a cup of tea, some very plain biscuits, because they didn't want their blood sugar to spike, and then they went home at 4.30 for dinner. Just in time to catch the news. Yes.

They watch Prime News so they can get to bed earlier. The top six ways to devote 100 hours community service is today's top six because at that conference, Winston said that it should be compulsory for when you finish school to do 100 hours community service.

How long would that... Because if you've got 100 hours community service now from the courts... Yeah. And how often... What if you did a couple on the weekend? It would take forever. If you did it on the weekend and punched it out

or you just did a couple of weeks of 40 hours and then a half week, so you could have done it in two and a half weeks. Oh, that'd be horrible. Horrible. But you could do like any kind of thing, right? You could be like planting trees or like... Well, yeah.

It's not specific to military. No, no, no, no, no, no. It's not military training. A lot of countries do that, yeah. Yeah. The top six ways to devote those 100 hours community service are number six on the list. Clear the dock traps of dead and

rotting rats and possums. Yuck. That would be horrible. People actually volunteer to do that, Megan. Do they? Support our native forest. That's so lovely of them. Are they supposed to chuck them in a bag and carry them or do they just toss them into

the... I don't know. Because you see them when you're hiking, tramping sometimes and you're just like, yeah. Yeah. I would want to clear the traps though. Yuck. Yuck. Yuck. And then they put

the fake egg back in, because they all come and they think it's a real egg and then, quatang! Number five on the list of the top six ways

to devote 100 hours community service, pick up rubbish. Great for the gram, the ladies love an eco warrior. Like, if we're thinking of positives, like, out here, unt Great for the gram. The ladies love an eco-warrior. Like, if we're thinking of positives,

like, out here, untrashing the place. Yup. Because I have to. Hashtag eco-warrior. And everyone's just like, yes. That's why we can't resist

those Greenpeace dudes on the street. Hot eco-warriors. Wash your hands before you touch my boobies. But, um, it's definitely on the cards now that you pick up rubbish. Yeah. Maybe use one of those grippy things. Yeah.

Have you given in to one of these green pieces? You know I have. It took me years to send that letter. Oh, the whales. That's right. I'd be like, hey. But that was just that one. Yeah.

They're being paid too. Oh, yeah, they're on commish, aren't they? Yeah. And sometimes they have being paid too. Oh yeah, they're on commish, aren't they? Yeah. Sometimes they have cute accents too. You're like, damn it, you've got the trifecta. Yeah, but then to think they're living in a van and shitting on the side of the street really puts you off, doesn't it? Sure, yeah.

You only have to hook up with two or three dudes from Germany to work out that that's the situation. Take it from a guy who has. Right. Have you? No, but shitting on the side of the street. Well, I had to. I was staying at his house.

Slash van. Number four on the list of the top six ways to devote 100 hours community service. Be in charge of a walking school bus in your neighbourhood. Oh, okay. Shake the kids down on the way home from school for any leftover snacks they've got. Mum, I don't think this... We're like, any of you kids in it finish your lunch today? I'm hungry. You've got a packet of chips there't think this... We're like, are any of you kids in it finish your lunch today? I'm hungry.

You've got a packet of chips there. What's that, mate? Tiny titties. Yeah, I'll have the two left in the bottom of your lunchbox. Who's not eating

all their tiny titties? Well, it's amazing. Sometimes my kids get tiny titties. Blows my mind. I'm like, don't buy them tiny titties. Mostly because I didn't

get tiny titties. Why should they get tiny titties? Then they'll come home and they want to finish their tiny titties. I'm like, what sort of monsters am I raising? You can't finish your tiny titties yeah they get tiny titties then they'll come home and they want to finish their tiny titties i'm like sort of monsters am i raising yeah then you can't finish your tiny titties

but then you can finish this slice capsicum and they don't finish their tiny titties slice capsicum they eat raw capsicum crazy eh i just don't eat raw cats if you eat too much of it gives you a sore tongue yeah well it's because it's good it's castle it's got capsicum. What? It's capsicum. It's got the hot peppery stuff. They'll eat capsicum over tiny titties. They'll leave a couple of tiny titties.

What is wrong with your kids? I can't explain it. I can't explain it. The other day I said to IndyDoddy one of these kit-kats.

She was like, uh, no thanks, I'm okay right now. I was like, what is wrong? What has happened? What's wrong? What's going on? It's not waiting. It's not waiting for you. I'm okay right now. I was like, what is wrong? What has happened? What's wrong?

What's going on? It's not waiting. It's not waiting for you. I'm not saving it. And she's like, that's okay. As a kid, I would have been like anaconda halfway at my dad's arm before he let go of the Kit Kat. And then he was like, where's Ian?

Oh, God, he's inside Vaughn again. Oh, God, Vaughn went up to the elbow. Did you offer him a Kit Kat Did you Dad's just got me Hanging off his arm He's like foolishly Yes I did Just all the way

Number three on the list Of the top six ways To devote 100 hours Community service Help the elderly With household chores And have them tell you How they're the greatest

Generation and youth These days are bloody useless I would have been fine With the first half of that But I don't need to hear the chat as well. I'm afraid Megan it only comes as a whole package.

You can't help an old person without them telling you that their generation was the greatest generation and that the youth these days are nothing but layabout drug addicts. They can tell you about

all the equity in their rental homes. I'll just wear my hair out and put some ear pods in. I'll never know. Oh yeah, that would work wouldn't it? I don't know. Smile and nod every now and in. I'll never know. Oh yeah, that would work, wouldn't it? I don't know.

Smile and nod every now and then. Number two, yeah, but then you smile and nod along to something like high-end racist. Yeah, right. You're like, I don't think we should

send them all home in the boats they came here in. And you're like, yeah. She's like, you're on board. And then next time they're at an old racist meeting,

the young one, Megan, she came round, did my gardens. She wants to send all the boat people home too. Oh, God, no. Exactly. Don't nod and smile to an old person. Number two on the list of the top six ways to devote 100 hours community service are run a community reading program. Basically, just they start reading and then 100 hours later you can say,

you can keep reading if you want, but I'm going home. That's actually a great idea. Yeah. Yeah. You probably don't even need to be there. You can be like, I'll be back in a minute. Well, actually, I would run an outdoor cinema for my 100 hours community service. Put on an outdoor cinema for the public.

You can't do that. It's a community service. But it's illegal. Are people paying to go there? How's it illegal? I get them online. You're showing, you know, you should watch the movies at the start. It's like if you show this on an oil rig or a prison.

You'll get in trouble. Or a school. It's breaking the rules. Oh, I thought you were setting up an actual business. You were just planning to play it illegally. Yeah, free movies for the public. Right. Yeah.

Downloaded. Yeah. I hope you're downloading it at 1080. Of course. I'm not a monster. Good. Good. Number one on the list of the top six ways to devote 100 hours community service.

Teach a community class in a skill you have. So basically how to get attention online and into heaps of debt. Great skills. Great skills. Good work. That is today's top six. ZM's Fletch Warner Megan, the podcast. A father in the UK claims he only turned his back for 10 minutes.

He might have needed a poo. So he set his daughter up with a yogurt. Right. To keep her entertained. In his absence. He went out of the room. And he left the room, yes. He came back 10 minutes later and his daughter, Olivia,

had polished off 18 yogurts. Like pottles of yogurts. Yep. She ate three six-packs of pottles of yogurts. I didn't even think I could. Well, she opened them and got into them. She opened every one of them and got into them. They weren't perfectly like when I had a yoghurt pottle when I was a kid.

Like I even got the tongue in it in the end. Yeah. Get every last bit of yogurt out. How old was the daughter? Three. So had he put all of the yogurts in front of her? No, she'd gone and got more out of the fridge. She was like, one is not enough.

She ate the puddle of yogurt and then was just like. Do you think she found like taking the top off the yogurts fun? Yes, my girls quite enjoy that challenge. I remember the same thing, to get it off in one without ripping it. You'd start in the corner and you had to like then hold the yogurt puddle and work the sides to get it all off in one. That in itself is a skill. Do you know that some people don't lick the lid?

Why would you not lick the lid? Nowadays, licking the lid's safe as. But when we were kids, they were tinfoil. If you mess that up, you cut yourself. But now they're like a paper. Kind of a plasticky, aren't they? Some people take the lid off and just throw it out. I'm like, we can't be friends.

Because it's good yogurt on that lid. Yeah, lick the lid. Even if you're getting the spurning on that, get it off. If you're scared of hurting your tongue, get it off. So he said, you can't have eaten all these yogurts. And she's like, I did. I did. I love yogurts. And she's like, I did. I did. I love yogurts.

I love yogurts. Were they those chocolate, were they dairy food yogurts? No, it looks like a range. There's some berry looking ones and maybe a couple of custody looking situations. Yeah. Can't see any really obviously chocolate ones. There's going to be a dire situation later that those parents have to deal with. A diarrhea situation. That's going to be a dire situation later that those parents have to deal with. A diarrhea situation.

That's going to go right through you. Yeah. So she got through 18 yogurts and I'd like to know what happened. Maybe when you were young and your parents left you alone for a hot minute. Or maybe you are a parent and you turned your back on

your kid and then when you came back, all hell had broken loose. I don't know if this counts, but my gran was in, this is all like what I've been told because I was too young to actually remember, but apparently we had in our first house growing up like a walk-in kind of a closet that the water cupboard, the hot water cylinder was in. And my gran was looking after me and she was in there

and I shut the door on her and locked her in. And there was no way. That doesn't sound like you at all. I pushed it. I don't know. And she had to kick the door open to get out. Super gran. Apparently I was laughing.

Wow. Wow. That doesn't sound like you at all. I know, right? Get in the yell, bitch. Shut the door. Like, just literally turned her back on me and I locked her in there. Wow.

That's terrible. Of course it is. I mean, obviously I didn't. I just thought it was a fun game to play with Gran. Obviously, didn't I? Lock her in the cupboard. Hide and go seek. You know exactly where she is and you're not looking.

I didn't know she couldn't get out. That's el terrible. Yeah. So we want to know, you can text 9696. You can call 0800-DOLL-ZM. What did you do when your parents turned their backs? Yeah. For the minute.

Or maybe you are the parent who's had to deal with a hell of a mess. All right, give us a call. Fletch Warner Megan. My button's just come off there. Which button is it? Well, it drops the phone call. It just came out. Look, it comes right out.

Don't keep pulling it out. Just sit it in. Just sit it in there and pretend we didn't know. Just put a drop of glue in there maybe to keep the button thing on. And then when Clint comes out he'll be like,

oh, what, you broke it. Yes, that's the trick to breaking anything. Piece it back together and put it carefully back where it was and let the next person think they broke it

and hope they're more honest. That's a great idea. So we're talking this morning about what happened when you were left alone as a kid. Your parents turned their back on you for just a couple of minutes. What trouble did you get up to? Or maybe you're a parent and this has happened to you. A dad has gone

viral of family because a three-year-old girl was left alone eating a yoghurt. That wasn't enough for her. She ate 18 pottles of yoghurt in the 10 minutes that he was away using the bathroom. That's the thing. If you're in there and you keep, you got to keep yelling out, everything all right?

Yep. That's almost two yogurts per minute. That's a cracking amount of yogurts. It's a cracking amount of yogurts. Listering pace. So we want to know from you what you got up to when you were left unattended momentarily. Somebody said, apparently I was left unattended at the bakery. Now, I don't know if they were patrons of the bakery

or if they were owners of the bakery, but they found me once cracking trays and trays of eggs at the bakery. Into anything? Just throwing them on the ground by the sounds of things. Well, that sounds satisfying. That does sound like fun as a kid. Yeah. To get in with absolutely no responsibility and do that.

My son got up halfway through the night and ate 24 chocolate chip muffins and eight mandarins. Oh, my God. Fell asleep on the couch with all the evidence around him. Oh, my God. Take photos. For a start, what household has 24 chocolate chip muffins at any given stage? Yeah. You know, that's a good call. Unless he was baking them. That's a lot of muffins. In which case, chocolate chip muffins at any given stage. Yeah. You know, that's a good call.

Unless he was baking them. That's a lot of muffins. In which case, he baked them, so he deserves them. Yeah. Aaron, what happened? You were left alone as a kid? So I woke up, got out of bed. I thought I was going to grab a drink, but I grabbed a can of beer

instead of Dad's share and drink it. Like, I've seen Dad do this. Aaron, how old were you? Three. Nice. Well, you're just emulating, how old were you? Three. Nice. Well, you're just emulating Dad, aren't you? Well, it's not... You weren't too young.

That was Dad's thing once he'd come home from monkeying. Yeah. He'd go to the fridge, grab a can of beer, sit in this chair and enjoy it. Wow. Did you get... Do you know if you got drunk? Did they say if you reacted to the beer? No, they didn't.

No. They never told me the last half of the story. They just kept reminding me that I woke up and grabbed it. Right. Probably just wanting to keep that under the rug from, you know, any kind of government agency. Yeah, I was going to say that. Aaron, thanks for your call, mate.

Sam, what did you get up to when your parents weren't looking? It was my son, and he got a tub of soft butter, you know the spreadable butter. I just had this terror moment thinking where is the child, where is the butter and I found him in the bedroom naked with butter smeared all over his body.

He had his foot in the butter container and he'd actually been skateboarding through the lounge dining room. And you want to pick him up, you want to grab him, but you can't because he's all slippery with butter. Slippery like butter. It was more funny just the realisation

of, oh my god, where is the kid? Where is the butter? Wow. Did you take photos with the... You didn't catch me. No, no, no, I didn't. Because it was like early morning, yeah. You've always got to be thinking about that

21st slideshow always thanks for your call some more text messages I went to a cafe with my grandparents and I watched Grandad

tip his ginger beer upside down and slightly roll the bottle around to mix all the bits at the bottom oh you've always got to do that

and so I said to them can I get one of those and they said yep and they gave me the money and I went back up to the checkout and mix all the bits at the bottom. Oh, you've always got to do that. And so I said to them, can I get one of those? And they said, yep. And they gave me the money and I went back up to the checkout and got one. And then on the way back, I just shook the whole thing the whole way. And as I got to the table, tore the lid off and just sprayed everybody in ginger beer. Nowadays, I'm a much better ginger beer swisher. Much more gentle.

Much more gentle. My sister smeared bright red Chanel lipstick all over herself. Her doll in the back seat of mum's car. When she made the fatal mistake of putting the handbag in the back seat with her. It was only when mum looked in the rear view mirror did she realise something

had gone horribly wrong. Somebody else said when I was two, my older brother was looking after me. I managed to get my dirty nappy off and smear it all over the cot, my walls, myself. My brother walked in, swore it,

and walked out and said, when my parents got home and saw the mess, said they were absolutely fine when I looked last time. Which is good from him. That's very clever. I ate cat poo.

There was a litter tray and I just walked over to it and apparently I was young and it looked like a chocolate bar. A niggity chocolate. I ate that. Okay. I was getting sent to bed

and my parents refused to give me any Raro. So I found a bottle of what I thought was orange juice and drank the whole lot. It was paracetamol. I had to go and get my stomach pumped. What a liquid kids' paracetamol stuff. Hasn't it been a wonderful podcast so far? And it's all thanks to Spark, our primary sponsor.

Do you love free data? Then you will love the Spark data stack. More data every month that you stay hey guys let's get back into that podcast yeah this happens every time countdown does collectibles everyone gets a little bit um crazy a little bit ott um because everyone's trying to collect the whole set and apparently there is one that's particularly hard to get. Have you got them all? Yeah. You've been collecting the tiles? Yes.

You've got... Yeah. We, um, yeah, we got them all. We got all the different characters. Some guy's in the news complaining that he's spent heaps of money and hasn't got... He's got two whole sets, or two sets, bar Mr. Incredible.

Can't get Mr. Incredible. So what are these collectibles? They're tiles. Because every time I go, they're like, do you, you've earned, like last night it was like, you've earned four tiles. And I'm like, no.

No, you're supposed to say yes and then give them to Vaughn. No, because you have to get the supervisor over. Like when your bag or something doesn't scan at the self-serve. So I just, I skip that. Well, you could have had, you could have had some of these valuable swaps.

Well, yeah, but that's the thing. Are they going on Trade Me? Are people going a bit nuts on Trade Me? Let me have a look on Trade Me. So this person reckons they spent $9,000. No, that must be like at the supermarket, right? Yes. Yeah, yeah.

And then how many tiles? Unless he's talking about his mates as well. Okay, so just looking at, oh, this is exciting because people are selling them unopened. So it's a real roll of the dice. There's one here for $25 for 35 unopened and three opened Disney tiles. Mitch, you can get in on this. You could be making bank. Sell them on Trade Me.

Does that don't... Oh, no, because I don't like Trade Me because of all the questions people ask. I've given up on Trade Me after... What questions could they possibly have about an open Disney store? When I saw clothes, people were like, what's the measurements from the hole in the top to the sleeve? I'm like, it's a medium. Just, like, take a risk. Like, I'm not here.

Oh, it gets me so wild. See, that's why I'm not bothering. 50 unopened Disney tiles. How much do they want for those? Well, that's just started. It's a $1 reserve. Obviously, the auction's going to go crazy there. 80 Disney tiles currently sitting at $3.50.

So there's money to be made. Yeah. There's people selling individual ones for like a buck each. But people need to be selling the ones, because this guy reckons what? That he can't find a Mr. Mr. Incredible. He's got two complete sets now with just missing the Mr.

Incredible. Someone like that would pay like 50 bucks. 100 bucks. Oh, easy. Someone said I've got five Mr. Incredibles. Are you sure it's Mr. Incredible? Someone messaged in saying that the daughter of the Incredible is the hardest to find. Oh, really? So the countdown's having these swap meets, right? There's another one on the

26th. Saturday the 26th. Right. So just go there and like, this person has got heaps of Mr. Incredibles is bound to want

something else. The parents shouldn't be allowed at the table at these swap meets. It should be the kids and it should be like a kids stock exchange. Like,

ding, the bell rings and then it's just frantic. Yeah. Someone's like, I've got two Mr. Incredibles. People are like, have my pumbaa. It's like, I won't have Mr. Incredibles. People are like, have my Pumbaa.

It's like, I won't have your Pumbaa. I've already got two Pumbaa's. I'm after a Timon. It's like, I've got a Timon for you for one Mr. Incredible. I'll make the swap deal. Bing. Done. I feel that would also make great TV or great YouTube.

Yeah, just like intense kid-based bartering. And then some kid's like, I just want Cinderella. Someone's like, it's going to cost you five tiles. I want to go three then. No Cinderella for you, loser. I just want them to do something for adults again. All the latest ones have been for kids. It's like, what about me?

What about me? What about me? When it's for adults, it doesn't cause the craziness. Yeah, right. It doesn't get the collectibles and stuff. It's for my kids, but it's for adults, it doesn't cause the craziness. Yeah, right. It doesn't get the collectibles and stuff. People are like, it's for my kids, but it's not really. And then in like a month or so, you're not going to care about these tiles. You're not.

Yeah. You were so into it at the time. And then you find them in the cupboard when you're moving out of your house because you're getting it painted and you're like, this is good. We've still got these. We went to all that trouble. Okay, I'm calm. I'm relaxed.

And speaking Friday Jams Live, I mean, we should probably ask them for an actual version of this. Yeah. While we're here. Yeah. Or risk a cease and desist. I say we risk it. One of the things. Just before we get to Don't Get Fleshed Out and Megan, do you have, what are your thoughts if someone sits next to you that you don't know?

In like just... Well, in a social setting, be it like a restaurant or a... I feel like that's a given. That people are going to sit next to you. It goes with the territory. What if it was otherwise empty? That's okay. Yeah.

They can sit where they like. Right. There's a seat there. That's what it's for. That's what seats are for? Yeah. Fletch, what do you think if you were at a restaurant or a movie and maybe there were other spare

seats and someone came and sat right beside you? Sometimes I feel like when I tell you about what I get up to in my life that I should just keep my mouth shut. It gets used against you? It gets used against me. Oh, how horrible. In a radio of law. The other day during the week, went to see

Joker with a friend. We went to the 345 session. Matinee. Matinee. So like literally like middle of the day. Yes, it was an IMAX. Oh, it's a great movie. Yeah, I've heard good things.

That is, it's incredible. Because what was that news over the weekend that Jared Leto tried to stop this happening? Because he played in Suicide Squad. He plays the Joker. He played the Joker, yeah, and that kind of married up with the DC Universe at the time. So this is...

Because, I mean, you know, Heath Ledger will forever be the Joker, but then, like, wow. Jack Nicholson could have forever been the Joker. Nah, Heath Ledger. Mark Hamill did the voice of the Joker. But this Joker, I mean, oh, my God, it's incredible. Yeah. A great movie.

But anyway, we got our seats. We booked early online, got the best seats right at the back middle. The seats we always get, Vaughn. Great seats. I'm halfway down in the middle. Middle to top. Nah, sometimes you sit too far away. I like to take up my entire eyeballs.

Well, it does. It's the largest screen in the southern hemisphere, so it does. Yep. And so we got these seats. and then we sat in there waiting. We were a little bit early. And then I'd say probably maybe a couple more people came in. It wasn't even that full. Maybe like all up 10 people were watching this movie.

And that IMAX cinema. Well, because it was 3.45, like most people would be working. And we'd kind of done for the day. My mate was visiting, so we're like, let's go check out the Joker. Yeah. And these people come in and I know it's allocated seating, but they sit right next to us.

Right next to us. But you just said you got the few seats. Yeah, but like there was no one in the row in front of us and the next row, there was someone over the aisle in those two seats. Just shuffle along a little bit when the movie starts. No, because what if someone comes along and they're like, oh, you're in my seat? Well, then I can shuffle across.

I'll sit in my allocated seating, but then when the movie starts, and if there's spare seats... Yeah, move! Oh, I'd move. Because I was like, we should move, but then I was like, no, we were here first, and these are the best seats. Middle back row. They should move. Also, what if, you know, when you go in there and they flip the screen

around, they're like, where do you want to sit? And you'll be like, actually there. Those look like the best seats to me. What if they'd chosen their seats? I know, they actually may have. And you want them to move because you don't want to sit beside humans. But they should have chosen a car. If you're booking tickets or selecting tickets, you always book a buffer. Yeah, but you don't know that they didn't buy theirs before you.

Well, no, they didn't because I saw the thing when I booked online. We were the only people that had tickets. Right, so they booked after, they chose to sit by you, then they came to Allocated Sitting and sat by you. But it's like if you went to a restaurant and you sat at a table and then some people come in and say, for example, it's quiet as well and they sit on the table next to you.

That's weird. This happened to me last week. My wife and I went for pho. For pho, yeah. For pho, the Vietnamese soup. Yeah. And there was nobody else in the restaurant and this family came and sat right beside us.

Yeah. Right beside us. Leave a buffer table. They should have made a buffer table and then they were really slurpy soup eaters. I mean, everybody slurps a little eating soup but they were really slurpy and I said to Shada,

I was like, interesting they chose to sit right beside us. Okay, you wouldn't understand urinals, Megan, because you guys don't use urinals in the females' toilets. But say, for example, you go in to the toilets and there's one person in the cubicle. You're not going to go in the cubicle next to them. You're going to leave a buffer. That's definite personal space. But when the lights are out and you're engrossed in the IMAX screen, what skin off your nose is it if there's

someone beside you? Well, there's a lot of skin because I know that every other seat's free and they should shuffle along. They should move around. It's not like they're

touching you or like... They may as well be. And then the people over the aisle talking the whole movie and left with 20 minutes to go. They obviously

didn't like it. I was just like, what is going on here? Does anybody know how anything works? There's no etiquette in this movie theatre at all. There's no etiquette at all.

Maybe they knew it was you and were like, this will piss them off. Well, it worked. This will get them gone. It's that guy with that thing on the radio where he's always

getting wound up about something. I should have made a feature. Get on in. Right, so maybe now what you have to do

and it's going to cost you a little bit more is if there's two of you going you buy four tickets. Yeah, purchase the seat next to you. You sit in the middle. Purchase your buffer.

Two was enough but I mean if I won Lotto, if I win Powerball I'll book the whole movie out and I'll do what I want in there. Yeah, just buy like an events. Yeah.

A whole cinema. Yeah, sure. Just events one. Flesh, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. ZM. I feel like there's a little bit of explanation required because Vaughn came in this morning

and it looks like you've tried to take the tag, the security tag off a item ice-cold clothing. One of those ink tags. You've got a green hand. Your hand's dyed green. I'll give you that. Because the idea is what? Those explode when you tamper with them.

Yeah. And then you can't get it off. And other like third world countries, some countries do when you vote in the general election, they mark your hand with a dye that doesn't come off for like a couple of days. Really? Yeah, so that you can't get a couple of votes. Oh, so when you go back, you can't vote again. But don't you have to, really,

don't you have to sign off your thing? I'm pretty sure that's what happens. Okay, well I've got a viable explanation. I didn't try to steal something, nor did I try to vote twice in a general election. By the way, if someone has one of those spare ink things, I really want to try and take one of those off,

see if I can do it. Yeah. I had to take one of the security ones off recently. Well, you got your angle grinder out today. That wouldn't work if it was ink. It would have gone bloody everywhere. Everywhere, yeah. But I've got an alibi, Your Honour.

This is Tetravet Blue. Tetour. This is Tetravet Blue. Tetravet Blue. Tetravet Blue. Right. That's a topical antibiotic. So you've got antibiotic animal anti on your hand. Would that be seeping into you? Have you thought about that?

What's to lose? What's to lose? I want to give a super antibiotics. Oh. That make you resistant. I see what you're saying. I see what you're saying. Yeah. My cough sticks are up overnight though.

That's good. Yeah. And your ringworm's gone. Gone. Thank God. I tried everything. Your fleas have jumped off. It's worked.

I don't know. I don't know if antibiotics get rid of fleas. No. Okay. I think even ringworm might have been a stretch. Yeah. Yeah. I was going to let you have that though.

That would do. No. So basically yesterday we had to d no. I think even ringworm might have been a stretch. Yeah. I was going to let you have that though. That would do. No, so basically yesterday we had to drench the lambs because you have to drench a lamb every month. Do you feel real manly when you're like, we're going to bloody drench the lambs? I've come up with a far better system. Last time I just got them into a small pen and like dive tackled them. But this time was way better.

I got them down in an alleyway and I just like flipped them over and dragged them out and that was far better. Right. Far less physical. But one thing we'd noticed is one of our sheep, Heather, that's the mum, she had two lambs. She was limping on her back leg. I've been watching her for a little while, a couple of days.

I was like, okay, well, when we get them into drench, I'm going to have a look at that. So I had to flip her for a little while a couple of days I was like okay well when we get them into drench I'm going to have a look at that so I had to flip her on her back she's big but the other one Hannah is like the biggest sheep

I've ever seen okay but the vet said that they were fat she's so fat she's getting shorn in a couple of weeks oh that'll take off a few

kgs you'd hope so and so I flipped it over and I saw the hoof was had a little bit of overgrowth, so I trimmed back the hoof and kind of like cleaned it out. Do you get like giant nail clippers? No, special. Well, you have to trim a goat's hooves.

Oh, yeah. Otherwise they can become problematic. So I bought some proper shears to do the goat's hooves, so I had these, so I trimmed it back and was cleaning it out and I noticed some pus. Oh, yuck. So I needed to noticed some pus. Oh, yuck. So I needed to squeeze that out. Oh, yuck.

Wipe that all off and then give it a good coating of the tetra of that blue. And that's why your hands blew. Because it was just like getting it done before this 100kg plus sheep decided it had enough. Is that how heavy it is? Mate, the other one, I weighed the lambs yesterday because you've got to weigh them to see how much strength they need.

Yeah. And one of them was 39 kgs. Whoa. And that was, like, I was holding it and these things were easily three or four times the size. But I don't have the facilities

to weigh a full-grown sheep. How I weigh the lambs is I weigh myself. I take the bathroom scales down. Shut up. I don't know anything about this. I take the bathroom scales down and put them on a bit of wood. Yeah, and then I weigh myself in full outfit.

And then I'm like, well, I don't weigh that much because I'm wearing heavy boots. I'm like, these pants are a bit wet. You know, you make all the excuses in the world. And then I pick up the sheep and I stand on it. Oh, yeah. And I look at the number and then I say to Indy, 139 minus, I'm not going to say minus. A lady never says.

And then you work out how much. Right. But I couldn't pick these sheep. I could not get them off the ground. Right. The ballet I did with the sheep, because you get a sheep onto its back and it kind of relaxes a bit. It stops fighting.

You're not doing anything for Australians listening that love to get in a sheep chair. Oh, I'm sorry that I care for my animals, Australia. I'm sorry that I couldn't bear to see a sheep hobbling around on a foot out there and it needed to be ballet danced with and then rolled onto its back. Wow.

But you get them on the back and they relax a little bit. But the dance, they try to get it on its back. Wow. But you get them on the back and they relax a little bit. But the dance, they try to get it on its back. Good God. Is that why you're lying on top of one of them in that photo? Yeah, that photo. I've got them pinning it to the ground because I'm just taking a moment. Again, this doesn't sound, people have just tuned in.

It doesn't sound good, does it? And that, your honour, is why I have a blue hand. I don't know how to get this off, by the way. If anyone's got any hot tips for getting this off. Did you try Jif? No. Jif? Cleanse with that harsh scritching. Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a shower? I thought you said Exit Mold, but that might be Bernie. Yeah, I had a shower. Exit Mold!

Jesus! Who gets everything off? But you probably don't want to put that on your skin. Yeah, or maybe there's some vets listening that have sprayed them. Got the texture of that blue. What's your go-to for getting that off? Yeah, that antibiotic will be straight in your bloodstream by now, I'd imagine. Just a little bit. Is this a good way to get antibiotics? I don't know.

No. I'm unsure. Okay. Well, it'll work for me for now. But that's why I've got a blue hand. Flesh, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast, ZM. So I mentioned that Snoop Dogg has hired a PBR. He was talking about his full-time staff and who he has hired, who that includes.

He did a Howard Stern interview. Yeah. So Howard Stern is on satellite radio, so guests normally are pretty open. Talk about anything, really. Talk about anything, yeah. So he said he has got a staffer. This is a full-time position that pays between $40,000 to $50,000 a year, US. And a PBR is his professional blunt roller.

Rolling his cigarettes. Yes. Right, wow. Marijuana cigarettes. Yes. He said, if you're great at something I need, then I'm hiring you. You know who would have been good for that role is that girl that we saw in Nelson last week.

Outside Nelson Girls. In a school uniform. She looked like she was playing with something. We got closer and I was like, oh, no, she's rolling a durry. My lunch break and her mate came along and she had one in her mouth already. I was like, oh. I thought she was like playing with like a chupa chup stick or something.

Yeah. I was like, oh, she's had a lollipop. No, she's rolling a durry. But when we spoke about this on Friday, it was then that I mentioned like someone's licking those, right? There's not like licking the papers to seal it. Someone else is doing that for you. Yeah, and Lisa using like one of those, can you get like a little machine?

No, you get one of those little wet sponges like they have at the bank for counting cash. Yeah, they just don't do that. Because you don't want you licking your finger and counting your money. So you do your little dab in the sponge, which I imagine is just like a kitchen sponge cut into a circular form.

Yeah, and soaked. Yeah. Because then Seth Rogen was like, Snoop Dogg has an uncanny ability to just look at someone and like know that they want one. And then he'll like just... He's looking at Seth Rogen. I mean, it's safe to assume Seth Rogen just wants one.

And so he's like, he'll just give you one. But the thing is, again, it's rolled by his PBR, his professional blunt roller, who has then licked the paper. Yeah, I never actually thought about that. And then you're like, thank you, but... No, definitely have like a little spongy wipe or something. Oh, do you think he's never even thought about it or cares? That's quite out there.

I mean, he's obviously rich enough that he doesn't have to do that. $50,000 US a year just to roll his blunts. And probably get pretty well looked after, like, touring around and stuff. Well, you'd have to be on hand at all times. You get to go wherever he goes. Yeah, I guess you would. It would be like a celebrity dog walker. I don't know.

But they stay at home with the dogs. Yeah. You know Snoop Dogg's not a real dog. He's a man, obviously. I just thought you made me thought he was a dog. I was trying to think of a job that you would do for a celebrity. Walking Snoop Dogg. Walking Snoop Dogg. Walking Snoop Dogg.

Walking dogs. Right. I don't know, just those extra jobs that celebrities have that everyday people don't or wish they could pay someone to do.

Like. Just like, oh. Well, I mean, I guess a lot of rich people would have like, some really mega rich would have like private chefs.

I think I was trying to think of one. People cleaning your house. Just a chef would be about the only thing, only job that I do regularly that I don't want to. Do you still think you have to have that conversation every day with your chef about what should I pick up from the supermarket? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's all part of their chef.

You don't have to have that daily argument about what's for dinner. No, I don't want to know. I don't want to know. I just want to turn up. I want to eat. I always think if I had a chef, I'd be like super healthy. Do you think you'd still want like takeaways and stuff if you had someone cooking like nice meals for you all the time?

Nah, because the main thing for me, takeaways is convenience. No, but sometimes you just need a dirty burger. Like maybe you're on the dirty bowl. Imagine like getting home in your Uber and like calling them and be like, have something ready for me. I am two months away. Make it a little bit naughty. I am going to share this journey with you.

And I'm going to be home. Yes, and I'm going to have something good for me. But they'd actually make really nice chips, eh? Yes. They'd actually make like those home-cut chips. Like duck fat. Oh, yes. Like roasty things.

And they all eat. And then you'll just get home and you're like, demolish it. You'd still wake up and there'd be half of it in your beard. And the chef, who I'm imagining is French, would be like, you don't appreciate the furnishings. You'll scuff down those chips like a pig.

Shut up. More chips. More chips. More chips. That's 100% what I would get if I was rich as. Yeah, someone that just took care of all of that. And someone, I suppose that's what an accountant does. What?

Just to do all your tax stuff. Just take care of all of that. That is an accountant. Yeah, that is an accountant. And then be like, this is how much money you've got. Yeah, right. We've taken the personal chef's

costs and wages out. I'd be like, thank you so much. Could we ask the question now? If you were mega, mega rich, what is the one thing you would pay someone to do? Maybe that you absolutely hate doing.

And maybe it is a, it's an odd job. Like Snoop Dogg's. Or doing? And maybe it's an odd job, like Snoop Dogg's. Or a job that technically doesn't exist. Yeah, like Snoop Dogg's. Professional blunt roller. Yeah, but maybe there's something that you have to do every day that you would pay someone to do. Yeah. Go to the gym for me.

I don't know if that works like that. No. That's just my personal thoughts on it. Yeah. I mean, I don't have proof, Megan. I'm not a personal trainer. Yeah. I could be completely wrong. Maybe someone can work out't have proof, Megan. I'm not a personal trainer. Yeah. I could be completely wrong.

Maybe someone can work out for you. All right, well, give us a call. 0800 1000 M. You can text 9696. If you were mega rich, what is the weird job that you would pay someone to do for you? Just maybe that everyday chore that you absolutely hate. Maybe it's taking the bins out.

I don't know if you'd pay $40,000 or $50,000 a year for that. Oh, you're rich. Why not? Obviously, you wouldn't pay that much because they're only taking them out once a week. No, no, I wouldn't pay that much at all, but no. I'd expect a scrub. Oh, yeah, you'd have the cleanest bins on the street. Clean them, bring them back in.

Yeah. Don't bring it back with... I don't know, I'm just trying to think of those lame jobs that you'd pay someone to do if you were mega rich. Give us a call. 0800-DANCE-IT-IN. So, talking about Snoop Dogg who Snoop Jobs which is the son of Steve Jobs and Snoop Dogg.

We're taking Snoop Jobs this morning. Because he pays someone $40,000 to $50,000 a year salary to roll his marijuana cigarettes. Blunts. Professional blunt roller. Call them what they are, dog. Blunt rollers.

Can't burn around the bush. So we want to know from you, if you were mega rich, what is that one thing you hate doing or that one bougie job that you would employ someone to do? And we're getting a lot of text messages. In fact, we've had a call from someone who did a job just like this. Kelsey, you did a job like this. Yeah, so I used to work on the super yachts and pretty much like we were,

like that was our whole job was like just doing stupid jobs to people that you didn't think that you would have to do. But my worst job was they would arrive on the super yacht and we'd have to unpack their suitcase for them. So we'd have to take a photo of exactly how it was packed and how the layers were packed in, and then we would have to repack it exactly the same way we'd be left, and we'd have to hang all of the items and everything

exactly as, like, they had it planned to go in their wardrobe. Oh, my God. Wow. Like, how much would you get paid? Was it, like, an individual job or was that just part of it? Oh, no, no, no. It was, like, part of the whole job. So it was, like, yeah, just one of the small things, you know,

like scrubbing toilets and stuff was fun too, but that was one of the big ones. Because I always pack my bag nice when I'm going away and then by the time I come back it's absolute. It's a shamble. It's a shamble. Even with those, what are those things that have got those little packing cells? Oh, yeah, even with those.

Hey, thanks for your call, Kelsey. Andrea, what is the job that you'd pay someone to do? I would have an on-hand hairdresser, and they'd have to be a massager as well, like a masseuse. Oh, for the head or full body? Oh, full body. Okay, yeah, nice. Can't you just have

that on hand? Yeah. I mean, that is a job that people do. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, if you were mega rich, you'd always get a massage,

wouldn't you? Yeah. I wouldn't. Daily. Yeah. What it's like when you go to Thailand, they're five bucks,

you're like, well, I'll get one daily because I live like a king. Yeah. Yeah. But I'd be happier with the hairdresser because I'm just that lazy person. And, like, you know, I just wouldn't want to go out because I'd have to do my hair. So if I had someone to do your hair.

You could just sit there and they'd just do it. Yeah. All right. Thanks, you cool, Andrea. Some text messages. Washing. Folding the washing. I've got three weeks worth of unfolded washing waiting for me to fold it.

But sometimes people, other people don't do your washing right. Well, they said what they'd do is they'd do the washing machine, they'd hang it out, they'd bring it in. But just the folding and the putting away, they'd do it. Yeah. Oh, okay. I find the washing kind of therapeutic. Because you know those people that, you know if you use a clothes horse,

they hang a T-shirt over halfway and it gets a line in it? God, I hate those people. You iron your T-shirt. You don't iron your T-shirt. Do you pick them on the shoulder or the waist? I pick them on the waist. You pick them on the waist. I pick them at the bottom.

No, because then you get stretched bits. Incorrect. We've spoken about this before. Incorrect. I like it when... The weight of the wet T-shirt gives stretched sides. It's like people stacking my... Somebody stacked my dishwasher recently.

I was like, stop. I know you're trying to help. I think it's nice of a one night stand to put in the effort. You won't find many that could be bothered. I like it when you're doing your washing

and you have a bougie moment where you've got far too much real estate for like the wash you've done. Yeah. And you can hang a t-shirt over two. So it's like an end.

And then you're getting two lines on your t-shirt. No, but it dries quicker. It gets a breeze up underneath it. Oh God, stop it. That's good stuff. Somebody said I would hire someone to make my kids lunches and brush their teeth at night

and get my kids dressed. I'd love someone just to do the bedtime parade for me. Get me in my pyjamas, brush my teeth. Well, you get into bed and you're real comfy like, I forgot to brush my teeth. I've got to go do the bedtime prayer for me. Get me in my jammies, brush my teeth. When you get into bed and you're real comfy, you're like, oh, I forgot to brush my teeth. I've got to go all the way back.

They come to you with a little machine. Like when you're at the dentist and you're like, spin in the little sink. And half your face is, what do they inject you? What do they inject you with? And you're just like, anesthetic. I hope they're not injecting you just to brush your teeth. The person that's bringing you your toothbrush.

No, no. Bad teeth, if that's the case. If I was rich, I'd pay someone to do my children's homework. I'm sick of having to admit that I'm a dumb parent.

Get an elixir. ask the tutor. I would hire a suds and sponge technician. A what? That's somebody to do the dishes. Oh yeah, okay. A suds and sponge. I'd what? That's somebody to do the dishes. Oh, yeah. Okay.

A suds and sponge. I'd pay someone to do my small talk. Oh, that's a good one. I can handle a conversation. How was your weekend? Yeah, it was good. How was yours? Yeah, it was good.

Nearly Wednesday. Hump day. Oh, no. It was just a person that stands beside you and they're like, hi, Megan, and they respond. You got this.

Hit it. They'll take care of this. Yeah. See you later. You got this. Hit it. They'll take care of this. Yeah. See you later. Professional thinker. Just so that they don't need to think about things like we said. Yeah. About like what's for dinner.

Yeah. Or any sort of like small thinking. They make your decisions. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that sort of stuff. Someone said, I'm a PA and basically everything you've been describing I've had to do at some stage or another

So there you go Why don't we all Just get personal assistance How much did that cost? Again like It's for the super rich Yeah Right

Fact of the day Day Day Day Day I do Do do do Do do do

Do do do Do do do Do do do Do do do Do do do Do do do Do Buckle in dog owners, this one's for you Oh, okay Fact of the day today Dogs can smell the passage of time What? How?

Oh no, this is going to be like real mind if No, it's not even weird No, it's not even weird Okay No, it's not even weird. Okay. London B. Karen. No, Karen B. London. Yeah. That's her name.

Okay. Middle name? Barbara B. Betty. Just B. Okay. Karen B. London's got a PhD in stuff. Isn't her name Karen?

And she has written an article about how dogs can smell the passage of time. Dogs can predict things like when you're going to be home because they can smell time. This is how. You know how we see time? We look at a clock and we know that like 5 o'clock is time to go home from work or everything happens because visually we see time. Dogs have such an acute sense of smell

that they can smell when you leave the house your aroma is potent yeah over time it starts to fade and they know when it gets to a certain level you're due home now oh right because your scent in your house fades because you've been gone and And because when you get a dog and you start coming home 5.30, let's say. You leave at 8, get home at 5.30. At about 5.30, they get used to that level of your scent, meaning you're home again. Right. So dogs can get excited and get ready for you to be coming home because they can smell the lack of you.

What if I've got my dog at home waiting, it's 5.30, but I've stayed for Friday drinks and I don't get home until 8.30? Your dog will be very sad and disappointed at 5.30 when you get home. They'll be waiting for you, Barry. Well, that just makes me feel sad when you're late now. Yeah. Because people said that the dog can jump up and look out the window before, like for kids arriving

home from school, before the school bus gets there. Right. And they're like, can it hear the school bus coming? And this doctor is saying no, it just knows that the scent of your children has faded to the point of where it usually gets to when they arrive home. Wow. So the dog's like,

yeah, those kids are due home any minute. Head up, man. Of course, school bus goes there at the same time every day. Because I see Leo's face at the window when I pull up the driveway. He could have been like waiting a wee while. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or bless his wee heart.

He'll know that you're due home. Yeah. He'll be like, oh. Jesus. Oh, God like, oh. Jesus. Oh, God, she's coming back. What has she been eating? I'll lick my own butthole on that or something else.

Good, that woman's steep. Oh, it's her shoes. Very pungent odour comes from Megan's shoes as we on the Dreamliner 787 once learned. That was one time. And yeah, he will have been anticipating your arrival home. That's so cute. And then sometimes you come home early and he's like, oh my gosh,

is he so excited? You walk in, he's licking himself. He's like, what are you doing? Unprepared. What are you doing here? No, the scent's still there. You're not due home for a little bit. So today's fact of the day is dogs can smell the passage of time. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

Yeah. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Ho, ho, ho. Ooh, it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. Ho, ho, ho, ho. 64 days away from Christmas, 15 hours and 20 minutes. Just over two months. So, yeah, Friday will be two months away. It'll be the 25th on Friday, is that right?

Yeah, 25th today? No. 10 days till my tree goes up? Yes. 10 days? 10 days. So what are you putting? You're putting it up on the 1st of November, are you? 31st of October.

31st of October. That's Halloween's, actually, that's Halloween's jurisdiction there. Yeah. You're going to need to put that out till November 1st if you could just delay that a couple of hours. Push it over till November 1st. If you could just delay that a couple of hours. Push it over until the 1st. But Christmas Penetration is, it's getting up as it does this get up, get up. Like we're always, start of November. Yeah.

I feel like we're always knocking on 100% store. And that's only, like you said, that's only 10 days away. So let's have a look at what Christmas penetration is popping up around the spot. Somebody said, Tessa said, popped into Farmers at the weekend. Went last weekend as well. Now, Farmers last weekend had a Christmas feel to it. Oh, okay. Farmers this weekend has had some sort of Christmas-based explosion.

Oh, right, okay. And there's Christmas everywhere. Christmas everything that you could ever want. Then while she was, right. Okay. And there's Christmas everywhere. Christmas everything you could, that you could ever want. Then while she was at Northwest. Yeah. She popped down the road to Mitre 10. Mitre 10 Mega. Yeah.

This is my local Mitre 10 Mega as well. I popped in there yesterday as well and noticed, even my children both said, whoa, Santa's everywhere. And as you walk in the door, you know in Mitre 10, when you walk in, generally it's just on the right. There's a little area of things. Like all specials and pallets full of stuff. No, no, no, no, no, no.

It's like homeware stuff. Oh, okay. That's not what I go to Mitre 10 for. Oh, they have like scented candles. Bowls and like signs that say like live, love, bliss and that sort of jazz. They're in there. So that was the full Christmas situation there. We've just heard from Hannah, who's in London

at the moment, and she said you probably felt it. Christmas penetration has just shot up. Robbie Williams has announced his Christmas album. This will be Robbie Williams' first Christmas album. Wow, okay. It's been announced.

Does he cover the classics, or does he do all new Christmas songs? To be honest, I don't know the ins and the outs of the Robbie Williams Christmas. Because if it's like the boobs one, he covered, but he also has...

Had a couple of... Have a holly jolly Christmas. That one. As a boobs classic. Because if you can get an original Christmas song to fly, you're making money for every Christmas to come. So Robbie Williams will release his first ever Christmas album, The Christmas Present, on November 22nd.

The double album features two discs, the Christmas past discs. Where do you even put those? I don't know, because it's coming out on vinyl as well because it's got a picture of the vinyl. Oh, okay. So it's called The Christmas Present. Yeah.

One disc is called The Christmas Past, which is going to feature covers of Christmas songs. Yeah. And Christmas Future, which will feature some new songs as well as a whole lot of festive covers with some special guest appearances. Right.

Okay. So that's, you probably, oh, you definitely felt Robbie Williams. Yeah. Robbie Williams adding to it. Somebody, and please forgive me if I say your name wrong, She's Lou Shin has sent in from Singapore a Christmas mall where basic, sorry, a mall, a shopping mall, where basically all the middle is just a Christmas market.

Oh, God. Many, many Christmas markets. And Kirk messaged in from Brisbane, Australia. This is a pet of my car's radio station list. So in a new car, it'll have the list of radio stations. Yeah, yeah. Sort of like it automatically finds them and you can push which one you want.

Elf Radio. Elf Radio, it's 100% Christmas music. When they clicked across All I Want for Christmas Is You was on, they switched straight back to the radio station that they were listening to in their car. What does that radio station become when it's not Christmas? I don't know. Does it just turn off?

It might be a digital section. They can just plug it to something else. Weird. And finally, Ashley wants us to know that the Christmas opening hours have been spotted at Fruit World Hobsonville. Oh, that's my Fruit World. Is that your Fruit World? I did see those. Fruit World, Fruit World.

Fresh makes the world go round. That's the Fruit World ad on the radio. Because radio advertising works. We know this. Better get the Christmas menu planned. Don't want anyone to miss out on strawberries on Christmas Day. And then they're saying what days they're open and shut and fresh still makes the world go round at Fruit World.

So with all that in mind and only 64 days away. Busy. Right now Christmas penetration is at 82%. It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan, the podcast.

The Google iPhone, no, what is it called? The Google iPhone. The Pixel 4. Yeah, Google's iPhone. Google's answer to the iPhone. Yeah. It's got like heaps of awesome features, but there's one feature that has everyone going, hmm, hmm, hmm.

So the unlock, the face unlock is so quick and instant. It's so good. They put like dots on your face to make sure it's you. It has an infrared camera. Right. But it's so good. How is that different to what, what does the iPhone do? Or the Samsung? The iPhone 1, it's like good. How is that different to what, what does the iPhone do? Or the Samsung? The iPhone 1, it's like you have to

have it on the right, manoeuvre it on your face and then sometimes. I know, and sometimes you're like, oh, is that giving me a double chin? Yeah, like if you do too low an angle, it's like, no, you're going to be like, put it up in front of your face. Oh, actually, when I was shaving the other night, I went to unlock my phone and it didn't recognise me. I was like, that's so rude because they had foam

all over my face. I was like, oh, so rude because they had foam all over my face. I was like, oh, I'm going to put my pen in and then I got foam all over it. Right. But yeah, it even takes a second before it recognises your face. But apparently the Pixel 4, you just put it up and it's like, yep, straight away. You're in. It's really quick. Well, what's the problem in that?

Because I'm all for fastness. Well, it can be activated while your eyes are closed. So if you're asleep and your partner or someone, I mean, even if you fell asleep at work or like around your mates at a party. Well, not that that matters, because Vaughn knows my pin, it turns out. So rude. People can just put it up in front of your sleeping face

and it will open. Because that's the thing with the iPhone and Samsung, you can't get in with a sleeping face. Yeah. Your eyes have got to be open. So, I mean... But you can be wearing sunglasses with the iPhone. No, I can't open my phone with my sunglasses.

I can. Is there a way around that? Then I could put the sunglasses on someone who was asleep and then use the phone to unlock it. Oh, yeah. Just a cool dude with sunglasses. But seriously, can you open your phone with sunglasses? Yeah.

Have you got sunglasses on you? No. How does that work? Because every time I'm wearing my sunglasses, I've got to put my pen in. Yeah, and how would that be? Surely having your eyes closed would be more of your face. Like, how does that work?

Because you're outside and you've got your sunglasses on. Do you have to set up a profile with sunglasses that it recognises? Maybe. Is that how you do it? Maybe. But have you done that? These are Sade's sunglasses, by the way. I did notice the other day you were wearing,

you look like Johnny Depp and Willy Wonka in the chocolate factory. Oh, not a compliment. I was like, oh my God, thank you. But you haven't set up a profile for it to recognise you with sunglasses? I don't think so. I see it just unlocked it. Boom, unlocked it. How does it do that?

What? Also, what do we think about these sunglasses? I like them. Do you? Yeah. Oh, thank you. They're very out there for you. I'm not stoked on them.

No, they're not. They're just black. I just needed sunglasses. Okay. They're round. They're very round. I do quite like the round shape on you, to be honest. Do you?

Sade said I've stretched them because she put them back on. She's like, well, you can have these now because you've stretched them. And that's an excuse for her to buy a new pair, is it? No, because she's them back on. She's like, well, you can have these now because you've stretched them. And that's an excuse for her to buy a new pair, is it? No, because she's got a new pair. Okay. What are these? Le Specs.

French for The Specs. Yeah, look. It just unlocks every time. How does it unlock? Try these sunglasses on. And try to unlock my phone. Is it because you look

a little bit weird with sunglasses on? And so your phone's just like not to me. No, they're all right on you too. So maybe that did work. Hang on. You just see the little padlock going off. It did work.

Yeah, there you go. And maybe it just doesn't like my Ray-Bans. Do you have a reflective lens? Yeah, I guess so. Maybe it can see through those ones. But like a full-blown mirrored lens? Maybe. Nah, not really. that freaks it out

something i don't know maybe it doesn't work on anything other than a black lens okay so what you're saying is if you're if you need to get into your partner's fine and they're asleep put their sunglasses on them and then turn on turn on the hallway light yeah so it's got enough light and then the sunglasses will dampen that light from affecting their ability to sleep. And then you can read their text messages. Unlock. Take the sunglasses off. Nice to leave them on.

You don't want to risk waking them before you've looked. Then read their phones. And if you find something, wake them up by punching them in the face. No, don't do that. Screenshot the evidence. Air drop it to you. Yes. And then go back to acting normal,

but deep down, you're seething. You're seething. And then just start asking them questions where you know the answer, but you all suspect they're going to lie.

And then they lie. And then set the trap. Very specific. Very specific. Set the trap. And pounce. Zed Eames, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. If you enjoyed this podcast, Set the trap And pounce