ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - October 25 2018

Episode Date: October 24, 2018

Vaughan wore shorts today and revealed something shocking, Lime Scooter's days are numbered and what is the most inappropriate present your parents bought you?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark. Get more of what you love on the $29 prepaid rollover pack. And now, on with the show. ZDM Don't let me up ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Good morning.

Ania's still on holiday in Ternania. Where is she, Caitlin? Melbourne. I think she's burning through cash overseas. She's in Sydney now. She's chosen to set me. Did you see she said she had the best meal she's ever had? I was like, you are living in hyperboles over there. What was the best meal she's ever had?

It was multi-course. There was fried chicken in there. Of course. It's Tanania's favourite meal. She's given me fried chicken. there. Of course. It's Indiana's favourite meal. They just give me fried chicken. She loves them chicken. Can I say, was it you that tagged me

in the unlimited bottomless chicken? Yes, and beer and wine. Good Lord. I know. And that's in New Zealand. Where is that? They obviously have not done any market research. If there's one thing New Zealanders will ruin for anybody,

it's bottomless booze. Or you can eat chicken and bottomless booze. You've got a recipe for disaster. Right there. Coming up on the show, the top six. Yeah, I mean, that is coming up, but, oh, man, is this week dragging or what? We've only just started.

I know. This is our Monday. It just feels like it's going to go on forever. We just took an extra long weekend because we're lazy. The top six is coming up. We're not in the top ten lonely planet countries for next year. And I, for one, am appalled. Appalled.

I will do the classic Kiwi thing and mow all the other countries down at the knee to get us back into the top ten. So the top six countries that we definitely deserve to be above on Lonely Planet's top ten countries list. Also coming up in a couple of minutes time, there has been a TV show from our past, our Kiwi past, that is coming back. Ew. Like bottomless alcoholic options

old New Zealand television shows that aren't on anymore for a reason probably are a bad idea Alright you lot listen up it's story time Three news headlines

for three interesting unusual weird news stories that I've found You have to pick one Vaughan and Megan. Headline one, Neighbours at War. Headline two, Man Not in His Happy Place. And headline three, Bong Arm of the Law. Bong Arm of the Law?

Yep. It's because Neighbours at War is very like vague. That could be good. Very vague. By the way, bong arm of the law, not the story about the Dunedin parcel that was intercepted by a New Zealand post because it smelled like weed.

What was it? It was weed. It was weed. If it smells like weed. It's weed. Like I don't even think they needed a drug dog. They were just like, this smells really bad. I'm sorry, drug dogs are just unnecessary.

If you walk in and you're like, oh, shit. But then have you seen the ones on that show, on the custom show? The door? That just go along the conveyor belt and they get even like little envelopes. And they sit. Sniff them up. It's pretty amazing. They sit.

Yeah. Oneiff them up. It's pretty amazing. They sit. Yeah. One, I think. Neighbours at war. You like neighbours at war? Yeah. We like that? Yeah. All right, let's go to Quebec in Canada.

Okay, let's go. Now, where a man owns a husky, what has been described as a frisky husky. Uh-oh. husky what has been described as a frisky husky oh now this frisky husky got out of its fence its backyard yeah and managed to break in to the neighbor's backyard where a chow chow awaited chow chows are cute they're the ones with the they're the big fluffy don't they have purple tongues yep yeah this one does have a purple tongue. One of the few dogs with a purple tongue.

It does. Now, this Chow Chow was there, and this Husky was there. It was frisky. Nature happened. It made a Chusky. Wow, that would be a cute dog. Chusky. So, do you know, I have Googled a Chusky, a Husky Chow Chow cross.

Look, is that not... F me, that's cute. Some of them aren't cute. I've chosen the cutest one. That's the thing with the crossbred dogs. I know, you're either going to luck in or you're just like, oh, take that back. Yeah. You can't, can you? Take that back.

That's what some parents say. Well, anyway, the man who owns the chow chow was not impressed at his neighbour's dog's actions and decided to take his dog to the vet to have it aborted. He took his dog to the vet to have it aborted. And that's where this story hits the news because he took his neighbour to court to get the money. To pay for the abortion. And the court

ruled in his favour. So the court ruled that thanks to the husky's handiwork it was an unexpected pregnancy and that the judge found in favour of the owner awarding $711.50 plus interest

and another $101 in court costs. Canadian dollars. It's not like dogs ever plan their pregnancy. They're like, righto, fido, let's start trying to have a baby. It's nature,

isn't it? Yeah. He noted that Quebec's civil code makes an owner liable for damage caused by his animal, even if it is being cared for by someone else or has escaped. I see. I would have waited at least to see if it was cute first.

And then give it away or rehouse it or... Or sell it for money. Yeah, I don't know. The dog. The puppy. The puppies. Right. Because they would have been super cute.

Yeah, well, that's the thing. You would have kept them and waited to find out, right? Yeah. Who? But then maybe they just didn't want the hassle and the mess. And the puppies. The mess. The mess.

There's a mess. You know all of that? Yeah, 101 Dalmatians made it look like it was a real sweet ordeal. But it's quite messy. Ruin your towels. It's hard. But yeah, if you want some cuteness, Chow Chow Husky Cross.

Chaskies. Pretty cute. Yeah, that one's pretty cute. Look at that one. I know this is wasted on the radio. I mean, people can play along at home. God, that one's pretty cute. Look at that one. I know this is wasted on the radio. I mean, people can play along at home, but... God, that would eat some food, though. They're Googling it itself.

F.M. First hit New Zealand TV screens in 2001. Celebrity Treasure Island is returning to New Zealand screens. It was announced by TVNZ. I remember this. Oh, Goody Gumdrops. Yeah, like when you were a cadet. Yeah.

Wasn't Clark Gayford first man of the country? Wasn't he on it? He was on original Treasure Island, I think, and then went back for Celebrity. Oh, Celebrity Treasure Island. Which I believe he won. Did he? Through season two.

Clark Gayford, oh no, he took out second place. Who won? Unsure. It doesn't mention that, just that he got second. Right. But there was drama. Do you remember Lana Coe Croft was helicoptered off? Yeah, didn't she wear some coral?

Yes, and got an infection. Yeah. She got really sick from that though, right? Celebrities are not immune. Yeah, they're humans too. Yeah, they are. They can get Cholera infections It turns out

Coxie was on there Do you remember Coxie Yeah Dominic Bowden Sally Ridge Yeah Yeah you look at the photos You're just like

Wow what a blast From the past So TVNZ is saying Now they've got A load of celebrities To choose from There's Shortland Street Stars Reality show contestants

Instagram influencers Instagram Instagram I'm sure I'm sure But yeah There's Shortland Street Stars, reality show contestants. Instagram influencers? Instagram, I'm sure. I'm sure. But yeah. Let's get them on. It's happening. They'll totally be going for the people with massive social media following because then they'll be like, guys, check out Treasure Island on TV and sit on demand.

Here's the link. And then they get be like, guys, check out Treasure Island on TV and sit on demand. Here's the link. And then they get the ratings that way. Well, you think in the early 2000s, would there have even been Bebo? No, no. MySpace? No, no, no. MySpace. Would Cox ever had a MySpace?

Cox wouldn't have had a MySpace. Follow him in MySpace? No. Okay. No. He would have had a weekend radio shift where he answered people's building questions. At most. And a column in the newspaper.

It's what we used to do instead of the Instagram, children. You used to talk on the radio and write the pieces for the paper. So good. And appear at a local town hall to discuss local issues. Surely they like, they don't actually rough it though, do they? I don't know. They go back to a hotel at night. I don't know. No, I don't know. Nah, you wouldn't get away with that, would they? I don't know. They go back to a hotel at night, don't they? I don't know.

No, I don't know. Nah, you wouldn't get away with that, would you? I don't know. They can probably see the hotel from where they're sleeping on the beach. Yeah, right.

I just, like with shows like Love Island now, just get them drunk and just have a yarn, eh? I don't hate the stupid challenges. Watching, you know,

like Heartbreak Island, get rid of the challenges. The challenges were Heartbreak Island. So rubbish. Yeah challenges. The challenges were Heartbreak Island. So rubbish. I don't care if you can stand on a log for 10 minutes holding your leg up. I love some juicy goss. Get drunk and just have some drama.

But they don't get fed. You can't just give them alcohol. They're like starving. And then just give them a few beers. I don't know. I want to see two people with like 100,000 Instagram followers each. I want to see them hook up and then promote

each other's Instagram account. You've got to follow so-and-so, you've got to follow so-and-so and you can win a Casey Clinic voucher or something. Some slum tea. Yeah,

now we're talking, now we're talking baby. Let's 2018 this up. When's it coming? Next year. Yeah. Let's 2019 this up. God, I've only just got used to saying 2018 it up.

Now I've got to say 2019 it up. You've only got a couple of months left. FEM. The Department of Conservation has said, look, hey, guys, I know that hike looked really good on social media and you probably want a selfie in the same posse. Great view, great vistas. But they're not for everybody.

We just need you to be very well prepared. You need more than a selfie stick when you head up there because these are pretty serious walks. Yeah, good call, good call. The one they specifically point out is the Tongariro Crossing, which is, you did it, when did you do it? The start of this year? Yeah, the start of March.

March, and it was heaving, right? Oh my God, it's crazy. It was the one that everybody was doing for the folks. Yeah, and I mean, summer, you're probably better in summer. Oh, way better. Way better idea to do it in summer. I think they rescued a guy. Didn't they rescue a guy last month?

Well, two people have died in that area. Yeah, right. In the last few months. And they're within weeks of each other. Just doing the crossing. Well, it gets quite high, and you'd be up in the snow. Yeah. Within weeks of each other. Just doing the crossing. It gets quite high and you'd be up in the snow. Yeah. Especially for the...

The last guy that passed away wandered off and didn't tell his group where he was going. Oh my God. I mean, this makes... Maybe if you went to school camps or have done hikes since, that's common sense stuff. You always let everybody know where you're going. You fill out the little books.

You're prepared. You read a gear list and everything. But in the 10 years to last June, so that's 2007 through to 2017, 57 trampers lost their lives while out tramping. Now, that's not all to say negligence. There might have been heart attacks or something or ill-prepared and maybe people killed over. What a lovely place to die, though, to be honest.

If you're going to. If you're going to. If you're going to go. In the wilderness. Yeah. And then ha ha your mates are going to carry you out. It's a bad thought.

No I'm thinking like old people I'm not just thinking just like someone in their 20s keeling over and dying but if you're old and that's what

you always love doing. Fair call. The best you can hope for in life is after you die people say they died doing what they loved right?

Yeah. Because you're going to die it's people say they died doing what they loved, right? Yeah. Because you're going to die. It's better that you died doing what you loved than you died on the toilet. Unless that's what you love, then good for you. Some people love the quiet time. Love a toilet. I love a sit down.

You literally take your phone in and spend 20 minutes. I am ashamed to admit I had to do a poo at Mitre 10 Mega the other day. Oh my God. Why? Do they even have toilets? No, they do. They've got it. They're right in the corner.

Oh my God. I was so embarrassed. I went around and I was like, you've come on quick. No big deal. I can get what I need. I can get home in time. Took a little bit longer

to find the plumbing bits that I was after. Okay. And I was down in plumbing opposite the end of Mitre 10 Mega. I know. Not was down in plumbing. How fitting. Opposite end of my 10 mega. I know. Not poo related plumbing. Spouting and guttering.

Right. They have a problem with these kind of places. People do use the toilets. Mostly kids. Yeah, yeah. It's always. Display toilet. Oh, yeah.

No, it wasn't a display toilet. So I'm in plumbing, which is at the exact diagonal opposite end to the toilets. And I'm like, no. Heck. No. No. No holding off this train. So it was a clenched buttock walk to the other end of quite a bit of pace too to get there. And my Lord, goodness me.

I'm just embarrassed. Great to know. Was there a way going in public toilets? I like wheeze in public toilets. Right, okay. I've got two toilets that I like to poo in. Your home? My home's two toilets.

Okay, right. Okay. Anyway. Oh, I've pooed in long drops. Back to the original topic of conversation, Department of Conservation and its walks. So apparently 600,000 international tourists head out on hikes of at least three hours. Yeah, right. Every year in New Zealand.

And they say whilst international tourists are some of the least prepared. And they're saying it's New Zealanders to step up. If you know someone coming here and they say, oh, we're going for a hike. And they head off in jandals up Mount Taranaki to summit it. You have to be like, hold on. Wait a second. Just a minute. Well, I remember ran into some German

backpackers, some girls on Phantom's Peak on New Plymouth. This was in summer, but still, weather can change. They literally arrived at the hut with jeans and a loaf of white bread. I was just like, cool.

This is 2,000 metres. I would do better than that Yeah Then they just like Started making their own sandwiches I was like Hard Hard

They might have started Making their own sandwiches Out of what? Just bread? I don't know Bread and butter And a couple of trapped possums I was like

And the meat of a stone That they pulled out of a trap I was like If this started raining Like you'd be absolutely screwed You'd be here You'd be tough. You'd be screwed.

In your jeans. Yeah. So they're saying, heading out, great, do it. That's what they're there for. But be prepared. Yeah. All right. Don't be caught needing to take a poo at my tent.

All right. This is great. A four-year-old has had a birthday party, and it is an absolute beauty of a theme for a birthday party. I mean, it's weird when you've got kids and you ask what they want for their birthday party. Generally, ours is always revolved around the cake. Yeah, right. They decide on the cake they want, and then everything else falls around it.

Well, not the case for Carter. Carter Stingers lives in Australia. Yeah. Huge fan of A trip to Bunnings. So it was a Bunnings themed birthday party for Carter. Because of the sausages? Well, that was the main catering was sausage sizzle. Yeah.

But like, look, they got him a little red thing and a green apron. They got him like an official little Bunnings outfit. Oh my God, that's the cutest. And he honestly just looks like he could walk up to you and be like, everything, everything you're after or you looking for anything? And you'd be like,

what aisle is sandpaper in? And he'd just be like, ah, 24 just down here. No, that's one of the party games. Pin the product on the aisle it belongs in.

Could totally be one of the party games. But he had a great, so part of it was There was a garden centre And you got to plant your own flowers And then take them home Those were like the takeaways

He had banners Everything What was the cake? A hammer Does it show the cake? I haven't seen the cake Maybe it was just the sausage sizzle Oh yeah

They could paint things from Carter's Bunnings warehouse paint section. Yeah. So yeah. Wait, this sounds set up by marketing, by the PR department. Oh, you reckon? You're calling a cynical eye on that?

If I'm going to be cynical for a second, because it's all a bit... A bit too good? A bit too... Like, do the parents work there or something? Like, how... Or did they just approach them? Carter just loves it.

But it is the perfect place for a birthday party, though, because it's got catering, the sausages. He didn't have it at Bunnings. Oh, did he? He had it at home. It was just a Bunnings-themed party. Oh, I thought he was in the store. No, no, no, no, no.

He was at his own house. It looks like it's in the store. I know. That's why the mum and dad did a great job making the banners and everything. And apparently there was, when people came to his party and they said happy birthday, he's like, thank you. Welcome to Bunnings. Oh.

It's really. Yes. Because my kids love going to the big hardware stores because it means they're riding a trolley and they get to play in the playground. I literally just shut them in the pen and I'm like, don't move. Yeah. And then you come back and some parents are like,

are these with you? I'm like, yeah, they are. Well, they weren't because I was at the other, literally the other end of the biggest store in the block. But yeah, I'm back now and they're still here. So that's another safe parenting experiment for me. So in the last half an hour or even 20 minutes, we've touched on both Mighty 10 Mega and Bunnings.

Right. Those are your two big ones. Well, one was a positive story and one was, yeah. No, the other one was positive. The toilet was very accommodating. I didn't want anybody to think anything negative of my story before about Mitre 10 Mega. Right, okay.

It was just an ill-timed poo. Right. And I'd do a poo at Carter's birthday party, Bunnings' birthday party as well, should nature require me to. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there. 2019's list for the Lonely Planet top 10 countries to visit in the world does not include New Zealand. What did we do wrong? I don't know. And we're not beautiful enough.

Well, I know we put on a bit of weight over winter but... So does everyone. We're going to F45 now. And we're doing keto. And it's not fair because when we put on weight over winter, like the other side of the world's got like summer bods. Yeah.

Northern Hemisphere summer bods. Unfar. That's so unfar. So the top 10 countries that the Lonely Planet have got for 2019. Belize. I don't want to hear any praise for any of these countries. Just listen. Oh, but Belize is like.

Belize. Say Tomei and Principe. Meh. Belarus. Indonesia. Jordan. Kyrgyzstan. Belize, Saitamae and Principe, Belarus, Indonesia, Jordan, Kyrgyzstan, Panama, Zimbabwe,

Germany, and Sri Lanka. Those are the top 10. Oh, I would love to visit most of those. Yeah. Yeah. Sri Lanka's number one. The countdown there.

So these are the top six countries on that list that we totally deserve to be above. Okay. Number six, Germany, who is number countries on that list that we totally deserve to be above. Okay. Number six. Germany, who is number two on the list. Okay. Germany. When your main tourist attractions are the reminders of just how terribly you've behaved in the past,

how can you be above us on the list of countries to visit? Good call. It's like knowing a country might be classically beautiful. Yeah. But they're crazy as shit. Yeah. But that crazy as shit. Yeah. I haven't stabbed a boyfriend for like three boyfriends. Oh, but you stabbed a boyfriend.

Sure did. So no. Number five on the list of the top six countries we totally deserve to be above on Lonely Planet's top ten countries for 2019. Panama. Panama. Panama. What are they good for? Canals.

Hats. Feeling like you're in Cuba without actually having to go to Cuba. Yeah, right. Get out of here, Panama. And the money laundering. Yeah, I was going to say

money laundering and cocaine. I've been. It's beautiful. Shut up. You've been, It's beautiful. Shut up. You've been, but where do you choose to live? Yeah, true. Say no more. Yeah, true.

Say no more. No sound. Number four on the list of the top six planets. Jupiter. Jupiter, you suck. You're too big. And you're gas. How does that work?

Number four on the list of the top six countries we totally deserve to be above on Lonely Planet's top ten countries of 2019. Kyrgyzstan. I'm sorry, but your lack of vowels makes it very hard to say your name. Kyrgyzstan. And have you seen where it is on the map?

Yeah. In amongst the stands. Talk about, yes. She's right in the middle of all the Stans. The Stans look beautiful. But aren't the Stans really pretty? Yeah, the Stans are beautiful. Yeah.

It's just the AK-47s being shoved in your face that I'm not taking on. And the majority of the Stans. Which one was the Borek? Kazakhstan, right next door. Oh, right, okay, yeah. China on one side, Kazakhstan on another. Turkmenistan, Tajikistan. Yeah.

Is it Kazakhstan? What did I say? Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan. Kazakhstan. Close enough. Kazakhstan. Yeah.

Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah. That's the most important thing here. Number three on the list of the top six planets on Lonely Planet's top ten countries to visit in 2019 that we totally deserve to be above. Number three is Jordan. You may remember Jordan was number six on Lonely Planet's list. Well, it's number three on ours.

You might have that thing off Indiana Jones carved into the side of the cliff. You know that's in Jordan. Yeah. But you're also a country named after a jerk we all know. Ever been to Jordan that was actually a good dude? Didn't think so. Nah. They don't know a really bad dude named Jordan.

Yeah, I know a couple of real douchebags called Jordan. Across the board. Anybody in Producer's Booth ever met a good Jordan? Good Jordan. We've got a Jordan that works here, but it's a female. Yeah, the one that works is good. It's a YN. Oh, right.

It's a YN. And female Jordans are different. Yeah, different situation. Not a good one. Dude's called Jordan. None. Not a single one. Oh, right. It's a YN. And female Jordans are different. Yeah, different situation. Not a good one. Dude's called Jordan. None. Not a single one. Oh, I know one.

I went to broadcasting school with one. He's way taller than me. He's a criminal. Okay. It's a guy called Jared. Oh, yeah. Don't know any good Jareds. So if you've never met a Jordan that's a good person, then you're on my list.

Ever met a Jordan that's a real country? Sure. But they're not better than New Zealand. Next. Number two on the list of the top six countries on this Lonely Planet top ten guide that we totally deserve to be above. Belarus. A Belarusian's bet New Zealand before.

Do you remember that? Yes. And she was a drug cheat. That's right. Wasn't I shot put? Nadia Ostuputuchuk. Yeah. Embarrassed.

Embarrassed. Our very own Dame, Valerie Adams. Embarrassed. Embarrassed. We were so embarrassed. You know what? Belarus is number eight on this list. I say test them for drugs.

Yeah. Test them for drugs. We might be able to slip back into 10. Yeah, I know. That would be all it would take, really. And the number one country that we totally deserve to be above on Lonely Planet's top 10 countries for 2019. Sao Tome and Principe.

And? They've put an and. That's two countries joining together to compete as one. You're either Sao Tome or Principe. You can't be both. I'm also looking at you, Antigua and Barbuda, Bosnia and Herzegovina, St. Kitts and Nevis, St. Vincent and the Grenadiers, Trinidad and Tobago.

Separate. Become your own person. You're like that couple we know with a joint Facebook. It's weird. Why are you doing that? I've got to see what Gavin's messaging the girls. Gavin's got a secret Facebook account. Katrina,

grow up. Open your eyes. Gavin and Katrina. Gavin and Katrina and your son Jordan, you piece of shit. We can't afford to lose Jordan If you, look, in all seriousness If you do know a Jordan and you think he's a nice guy You just don't know him well enough

That's today's top six So overseas, a trainer Has had his client Who is an obese man That he is helping to get in shape To lose weight. Cool. And he has banned him.

It's kind of like, I guess, a self-imposed ban. So the man who's being trained, who wants to lose weight, is okay with this. He's had him banned from every single one of his local takeaway shops around his house. Wait, what's the, like they haven't called up the actual owners and been like do not serve them. Have they? They have, yep. I'd imagine, is it a photo of like in the mirror, in the window? Printed out a

picture and it says save Dibsy. Obesity is killing her. Dibsy is, I don't want to judge anything. He's not just slightly chubby, he's a ticking time bomb. And to be honest, I don't know if a personal trainer is going to, I mean, to be honest, I think he's probably going to need some. But that's the thing.

You have to lose weight before you can get the gastric. You do too, don't you? You have to be under a certain weight. Is that right? I'm not sure because it kind of varies with people. I think it just also gives them an indication that you're serious as well. You're not just looking for the ultimate shortcut. Because if you have to lose a little bit of weight first,

you know, it shows that you're in it for the right reasons. Yeah, right. That's quite good though, because just being like, I'm banned from here, doesn't stop you when the personal trainer's not there, like calling up and being like, yay, when you're having a weak moment. But now the restauranteurs are in on it too.

Oh, yeah. Bonjour, this is Dibsy's French cousin. I want to order his usual and have it delivered to his house. But I am staying. Dibsy, is that you? No, monsieur. It doesn't say anything about Uber Eats. I don't know if Uber Eats is even in his town.

Right. But that would be a loophole that I'd exploit if I was Dibsy or I'd just drive further. But Dibsy's got to want to help himself, you know? He does. That's the thing. He is wanting to help himself. And so this is a self-ban from him.

He's like, well, okay, I want to do this. So he's gone in with the trainer to these stores and given them this poster and banned himself. And this is what I want to know. Do you think anybody now listening has self-imposed bans? Because we knew someone that banned themselves from the casino. They just got in touch and said, I'm gambling too much. Oh, actually called them.

Yeah, yeah. Ban me. Don't let me in. Here's my photo. Add me to the list of people banned from this place. That's good, though. Yeah. I mean, that's quite sad that they got to that point.

Yeah. But good that they, you know, helped themselves. Realised that there was a ban. But I don't know, has anybody banned themselves from a place? Like, maybe your local fast food place? It doesn't mean you had to go in there and, you know, say, hey, I'm banned from here. Oh, right.

But maybe just... Oh, just like a self-imposed ban. Yeah, your self-imposed bans. Yeah. Well, we lived, when I lived in Hamilton, I lived in a conservatory. Yep. $30 a week and it was 30 degrees at 7 o'clock in the morning. It was great. I was sweating a lot. Yeah, right. It was like doing hot yoga. Okay.

A lot. Okay. So, but we lived 50 metres from a KFC. Okay. And I got to the point where I had to just ban myself. It was just like, guys, don't let me go. Because they were all still going. How did that go? What's that?

How did that go, that ban? Yeah, good. Yeah, KFC's my kryptonite. When I drive past one, I have to hold my breath. But that's exactly, because we live 50 metres, the wind would turn and it would just blow. As I said, I was living in a conservatory. I can smell it now.

And it would come in the window. No, I just think I'm like making a noise. Totally. It is one of those smells that your brain can create. Instantly, yeah. When you think about it. Oh, yum. Is it too early for Wicked Wings?

Never too early. Never too early. If they're open, it's not too early. They wouldn't open if it was too early. Maybe you've been, have you ever banned yourself from a shopping website? Given yourself a ban? No. And not even a week?

Oh. I mean, I try to. No, because she does that thing where she goes and she puts it all in the cart. Yeah. Which gives her like. Buy myself some time. And then, and then closes it and it gives her her little fix. But then they email you saying, do you still want the stuff in the cart?

Here's 5%. Here's 10% off. You're like, oh, well, I mean, it's cheaper than it was. You're like, oh, wait, oh, wait. They're like, 20% off. You're like, what? You're doing this to me? It's like your drug dealer ringing you.

You'll be like, I've got all this pee just sitting around doing nothing. What you have about 10% off? And free delivery. And gift wrapped. 0800 dials it in. 9696. Have you given yourself a ban? Whether or not it's a food place, a shopping place, whatever.

And why did you? So a trainer and an obese man who's wanting to lose a lot of weight has put a ban in for all of his local takeaway shops. A self-imposed ban. Yeah. With posters as well. Yeah. So they can hang out the poster.

He's not allowed in there. They won't serve him. That's quite a good idea. So what have you given yourself a ban from? Whether or not it's shopping, food, fun times. I don't know. Fun times? Fun times.

Why on earth would you ban that? I don't know. Too bad. I don't know. Fun times? Fun times. Why on earth would you ban that? You're too bad on fun times. Maybe you just need to tone it down. There are people who are like, I've got to tone it down. Or it could be Fortnite. Maybe your life's just been consumed with something and you're like, I've got to give myself a ban. Emma, good morning.

Good morning. How's it going? Good. Now, you have called through with probably one of the most popular bands. You are not alone in this band. Yeah. No, definitely. I'm a recovering addict.

It's a disappointing stay, but yeah, I am. But it's good that you admit it. That's the first step. Yeah. Now, how bad was your afterpay and lay-by problem? Well, it's bad enough that I'm still paying it off, unfortunately. I have two purchases on lay-by, one on afterpay

and one on part pay at the moment. So I've banned myself from buying anymore, but it's still a recurring problem, I guess. Because afterpay is everywhere now. I was reading about this company. I think they started in Australia and they are creaming it. Oh, the dudes that started it

are worth so much money now. They're like multi-millionaires and they'll be billionaires. So tempting. Because you go to a website or a shop or whatever and it's like, why pay this much now when you can pay $11 a week? Exactly. And especially with Afterpay, when you can pay fortnightly, you're paying $25 four times.

Next week you don't have to pay it, but then the week after you get stung again. Yeah, but then you buy a couple of things and you're doubling, you know, it just adds up, doesn't it? Yeah, definitely. Yeah, recovering addict. So how long's your ban for? Well, I've done it for the rest of the year at this moment, but it's probably going to stretch further because

I've just spent way too much money. But what about Christmas specials and like, yeah, Cyber Monday and stuff? Yeah, shopping online Christmas is coming up. But what about Christmas specials and Cyber Monday and stuff? Yeah, shopping online for me is just not great. I do it to make myself feel better, so I've just stopped. I think that's the key there. If you're doing something to make yourself feel better and it's costing you crazy amounts of money.

But it's only costing you $6 a week six times. $36 a week. But it adds up. For the next 12 weeks. Emma, thank you for your call. Dave, what did you give6 a week six times. $36 a week. But it adds up. For the next 12 weeks. Emma, thank you for your call. Dave, what did you give yourself a ban from? I banned myself from the Wish. Now, is this where you got your Wish?

No, it's not where I got. What did I get from there? No, James is the only one that shopped from Wish on the show. Where did you get your Deadpool mask from? That was iCool.com. James, what did you get from Wish? What did James get from Wish? Sorry, Dave, just one second.

I gave in and I bought a watch, which, yeah. Dave's like, no, James. Yeah, it's all the first step. It took a while to get here and the watch was actually so big. It was actually like a clock in my hand. I couldn't wear it. It was actually like disrupting my wrist. It's on your kitchen wall now, isn't it?

So how bad did you get, Dave, with Wish? I was buying watches and sunglasses, pretty much two or three pairs a week, and it was my fix. How many watches does one need? I know. I've got 17. 17 watches?

But, you know, in all fairness, Dave's an octopus, so there's eight limbs To have a watch on You've got to have A formal watch And a casual watch Yeah you wear one on your leg One on your wrist

Yeah Couple around the house Trouble when you wear Your wish watch on your leg You look like you're On home detention Yeah It's like a monitoring bracelet

Isn't it Alright Dave Thanks for your call Some other text messages in My mate's grandmother Has banned herself From all gambling spots in town. Went in, put a final 10 bucks in, then told her to ban it. Just trying to get a good one on the way out.

That is sad, but at the same time a good thing, isn't it? It's good that she's recognised that in herself. Yeah, she has. Somebody else said that my son has banned himself from any takeaways that had a drive-through. Okay. It was just easier to just drive through it. When you have to actually stop and get out of the car and go in, it became a little bit more real. And people can judge you, eh, when you're ordering.

Yeah. Yeah. Because in the car, you can just pretend there's people in the booth. Yeah. I'm just taking this home to the flat. Yeah, that's why I'm going through a drive-through. I've told you, you check your phone when you're doing the order. Be like, what did they want?

Oh, yeah, so I want a... They know you're doing that though, Megan. No, they don't. They know you're doing that. Somebody else said, I've got a self-imposed ban from any type of pet shop. I can't help but buy myself my cat toys. Treats and toys and outfits. Too many toys.

I do that every time I go. I'm like, he will just love another little toy. Yeah, just love another little something. Yeah. Just love another little something. My husband's imposed a family ban from Kmart. It was getting a little ridiculous. I just say, look, just a couple of things and we'd spend $200 every time we went in there. You need to put yourself through the test. Be like, okay, here's the list of two things that I want.

And reward yourself if you stick to the two things. Well, the third thing. Yeah, okay. That's not how it works. No better. Now, if I can just smoke drugs once today, I'll reward myself for smoking it twice. See how ridiculous that sounds when it's drugs?

Yeah. Yeah. That is a good way to see how ridiculous something sounds is change the innocent item with drugs. Yeah. And if it sounds ridiculous, then it might be a bit ridiculous. Then you've got a problem. FEM.

Right, we talked about this before the long weekend but it was before any of us had watched it. Two of us are now engaged. Megan, holding off. Holding out. Well, yeah, I said we've started it

but two of us have. Fletch messaged yesterday saying, alright, is this worth watching? Because I've been watching. I think I've finished episode five so I'm halfway through. Yeah, ten episodes. Yeah. People are saying, oh, because I've been watching. I think I've finished episode five so I'm halfway through. Yeah, ten episodes. Yeah.

People are saying, oh, because I've never been a huge fan of scary movies because they scare me. But also the story, the story's never any good in a horror.

The story's always like rubbish. But this is a very intriguing story. I don't know how it's going to end. It's a very intriguing story. It's the new Netflix show

The Haunting of Hill House. So you'd call it like a thriller drama horror? Suspense. Yeah. Horror, yeah. But what is so great about it? Because it's just a haunted house. Well, where I'm up to in five, it's

No spoilers. No spoilers. The structure of the TV show is really cool. So there's functioning in like around a central event that happens, but before that and then like 30 years after it. Okay. And it's all linked together. It's all cut all over the place. So you jump from one time to another and it's very good.

I'm only one episode. I started last night. Yeah. And then it gets real sad because somebody said to me, I didn't find it scary because people have been messaging me on Instagram about it. I didn't find it scary. I always send them back a medal emoji being like, here's your medal for being the bravest person in the world.

It was really sad. And I was like, I don't get why it's sad. But now I'm on like, F5 was just like quite sad really. Right. Quite a sad episode. But it made me jump, like the first episode made me jump like maybe four or five times. Yeah. And was pretty creepy. So I had an argument at the weekend

with my husband because he really wanted to watch it. Yeah. And I was like I watch Paranormal Activity. I don't watch anything, but I watch that and it still gives me nightmares. I'm still like creeped out. I don't watch anything, but I watch that, and it still gives me nightmares. I'm still, like, creeped out. I watched Scream back in the day, and I'm still scared of, like, cinema toilets.

Like, I know about myself. I know enough that I can't watch this. This will really destroy Gothic Mansions for you, Megan. You won't be buying a Gothic Mansion to renovate any toilet. No, but, like, even just the dark, I won't be able to be alone in the dark. And he was like, don't, just try it. Just give it a go.

You don't know. And I'm like, no, seriously, I know this about myself. So what he said, this TV show's made them scared to sleep on their back. Okay. Which you may have had a taste of it

as you get further into the show. You're creeping me out and I haven't even seen that. Now when I'm in bed, I'm going to be like, why am I creeped out about sleeping on my back? What could happen to me?

If I ever see anybody in public wearing a bowler hat from now on, I'm going to be like, oh, God, where do I go? Where do I run to? Where do I go? You know those old, like, 1930s bowler hats? No, see, no. So good. It's really, really good.

I'm so excited to watch more. That's cool. I'm really happy for you. I'm not watching it. I can't. Didn't, when you were hiding behind a pillow full? Oh yeah.

Yeah. Two pillows. And I can see. Were you watching by yourself? No, no, no. Oh, okay. But Sade was on the other couch. Oh yeah, okay.

Oh, you wouldn't watch it by yourself. Don't sit together. Right. But we were watching it and because we're like selling our house and our real estate agent's like, I've got to come around later on. We forgot.

So it was like nine o'clock. Yeah. And. In the morning. No, no, at night. At night. It's dark. We're watching it.

We're like freaking out. And then there's on the door. And I was like. Why is he doing a house visit at 9pm? I know. I know. Late night stuff. It's only a killer.

I was like. And then opened the door. I was like, ah! And then opened the door. I was like, sorry, but they had the dog bark. Was he buying that? I think so, yeah. No, he wasn't. I hope so. Good lord.

Hey. But totally worth a watch. Even if you're a scaredy cat like me. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. That's such good fun. And if I was in Hamilton, Wellington, Dunedin, any main cities, I'd feel pretty left out. If I was like in small town New Zealand,

I wouldn't expect anything like this. Because they always just get left out. That's like expecting Eminem concerts to go to. Nelson. Te Ao Motu. It's not happening. You're lovely. Your rose gardens are beautiful, but it's not happening.

Yeah, you're not really mini-incompetent. So there's a three-month trial going on in Auckland in Christchurch of Lime Scooters. I didn't know it was a trial. Yeah. We need to behave ourselves. Yeah, I know. That's the thing. I don't think they've said it's a three-month trial,

so we need to behave ourselves for three months. And they'll be like, okay, you can have it. It's like when your parents used to give you a trial for something. Yeah. And then you did well for the trial and then they locked it in as a full-time thing and you just started being silly. But Lime scooters are around.

If you've missed these, I don't know how. Caitlin, producer Caitlin is addicted to these. She's got one. She's actually just gone out and hired one because, you know, people arrive to work. Yeah. Are you going to come in, Caitlin? Do you know, there was, because I don't live in central Auckland.

I live out west and I always check the maps. There's some getting very far west. Is there? I went to find one because I was like, this would be quite fun to pick the kids up from school on. Like, imagine being cool dad rocking up on an electric scooter. Yeah. So I went to find one and it said it was there, but it wasn't. And I pushed the button because you can press a button and they'll ring.

The nearest one to you will ring. And this lady came running into the house and looked around. So she definitely stole that. Producer Caitlin. Yes. You're addicted to riding these. How are they puffed? I don't know.

From Scoots. Yeah, and I do remember that it was a few months ago someone actually pulled me up on this, that I said that grown people should not be riding scooters and they looked ridiculous. So I take that back. A classic example of knocking something before you try something. Yeah, that's so much fun.

Because I want to buy one, but there's all this talk now about people falling off and injuring themselves. ACC, in one week or eight days, 14 riders lodged complaints. And that's just... Are those not the people they hit? I thought that was just Lyme-related cases. Yeah, just related to scooters. Yeah, so you could be crashed.

Pedestrians could be crashed into. I didn't want to tell you guys, but when we were in Christchurch, I rolled my ankle and it hurt for days. You could have been one of these. I know. No, because I didn't want to tell you guys, but when we were in Christchurch, I rolled my ankle, and it hurt for days. You could have been one of these. I know. No, because I didn't want to tell anyone. Because that would have made it official. Yeah.

Because I had to push myself along. When I put my foot down, I rolled it, and I was like, oh, that hurt a lot. And you didn't tell us because you knew that we would roast you? Yeah, yeah. I'm about to be in an ACC situation. Caitlin, can you just... Also... Put her a space if you're going to ride it around the studio.

Have you smacked the bit that you stand on on your ankle? That's really heavy. Oh, yeah. It's only a matter of time. It is, yeah. People say that people are like... I went 25K the other day. An hour?

Did you? I've done 22. Wait, no. You did a 25-kilometre ride. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. An hour. 25K is an hour. Like speed. Downhill, no, no. An hour. K's an hour.

Like speed. Downhill? Oh, no, it was just flat. Really? Because apparently, like, people are driving these down, like, Queen Street and the main streets of Christchurch with pedestrians on them, and they're just not caring. Like, they're not.

But you're supposed to ride it on the footpath, right? Like, that's the place that you are supposed to ride it, not the road. When we were riding them around Christchurch, I felt way safer on the road than I did on the footpath, right? Like that's the place that you are supposed to ride it, not the road. When we were riding them around Christchurch, I felt way safer on the road than I did on the footpath because cars can come out of driveways or anything.

I think it's better on the road. I heard a conversation. And it's just great to see everybody wearing helmets as per suggestion when you open the app. I heard a conversation with a group of older women

and they called them pests. They were like, they're just absolute pests. It will only be a matter of time until they're gone. I'm like, well, you're not wrong there. Pest is the equivalent for the C-bomb for old people. It's right up there in the words they're willing to say that have a bit of sting to them. Yeah.

So, it's summer. Almost. It's on the summer side of Labor Day. Well, you've decided that today is the first day you wear shorts. To work. Which I did my first day last week, remember? Yeah. I was like, I'm going to wear shorts to work.

Shorts today. You're wearing pants today. Wearing pants today. Gone back to pants. Gone back to pants. It's a little colder this morning. Yeah, I know. That's the thing.

It's hard because we get up early in the morning and it's always colder. And then it's hard to judge what the day is going to be like. I mean, there's weather apps and stuff, but it's literally never been easier to know what the day is going to be doing. It's never been easier, but still, I don't know, man. What are you expecting to do? I mean, we're pretty lucky that we can wear shorts to work. A lot of workplaces don't let shorts slide. That'd be terrible.

Yeah. That'd be terrible. Sliding shorts all the way around here. Well, today is the day. I wore shorts. Yeah. However, I don't have, like, jandals on the go, because I generally go through a pair of jandals a season,

because I walk everywhere in them in summer, and so they broke. Yeah. And they haven't replaced them. But I did get sent these Skechers shoes. This isn't a plug for Skechers. I don't even know if it's the dumb thing that a grown ass man wears Skechers shoes. It's not.

Can I just point out? We are not laughing at the Skechers. Can we get a close up of that sock? Which way do you need? I know that you don't wear long socks with these sorts of shoes if you're wearing shorts. I know this. So I've got some ankle socks. Oh my God.

Are they ankle socks from like, I don't know, an old person? They look like an ankle sock. This is where I'm getting here. And I'm like, they're like, are you wearing shorts today? And I'm like, yeah. And I step back. I'm like, drink it in. And the first thing is, what's going on with your socks? I'm like, yeah. And I step back. I'm like, drink it in. And the first thing is, what's going on with your socks?

I'm like, what are you talking about? I've got my ankle socks on. Are you trying not to look at the crotch while Vaughn's got his leg up? And then, like, you've got your white. The crotch is behind the desk. Yeah, I can't see the crotch. I've got to lower my. Thank you.

I've lowered my seat as to. Well, we've got viewers as well as listeners, Vaughn. I know. The crotch isn't the problem. Okay, so the issue is, you, I'm wearing an ankle sock, but apparently it's not ankle enough.

No. It's gone up over that knobbly bone. That's how high they are. You need to fold that down, mate. It's higher for the voluptuous ankle, like my iron, and the pants flow over it.

So, you need to do like what I would do, and Megan does. You can't see I'm wearing socks, but I am. Yeah, see look. They're like sockies. But you're wearing ladies tennis socks with but I am. Yeah, see, look. They're like sockets.

But you're wearing ladies' tennis socks with the pom-pom cut off. No. I'm wearing... So, where do you get these socks from? And they're no good because they don't protect the back of your heel from the rubbing of the shoe. No, they do. They do. They go up.

Where does your sock go up to then? They stop right below. Right below. What's the problem with this ankle sock that I'm wearing? See, I'm going to show you mine. Look at that. Oh, his are lower than mine. Yeah, well, I think they're too small for my feet.

Oh, okay. Yours are Vans socks. Yeah. Cool, dude. Don't listen to him, Fletch. He just needs to tear you down. I'm going to go do some skateboard tricks later. I'll come with you, bro.

We'll listen to some dropkick Murphys. What are you even saying? Get our chicken shirts out. You won't be allowed in the skate park with those socks, bro. I won't be allowed in the skate park. But are they too long?

Because these aren't any socks. You're not meant to see them because you're taking away from the nice shoe. The only place I'd wear those would be in the gym. And I mean, yeah. These are usually my gym socks.

You don't wear them in the street shoe. And they were free shoes, weren't they? They were free shoes. And in no way a paid endorsement for Skechers. But heck, they're comfortable. They're hard to get into, though, because I've got a wide foot. Yeah, you've got a girthy one, don't you?

You've got to really stretch the opening to get your girthy foot in. So you just get a cheap, like, ten pack of these socks. Yeah. And from what? That'll do you for the week. Anywhere. Van, so you went to one. I literally can get them from Kmart.

I think that were from. I'm sure you can get them from Kmart even. Yeah, you can. Kmart will have them. The supermarket probably has them. These were ankle socks. Have they stretched and gone up the ankle? No, these were from like Platypus.

Oh, they were from Platypus. Platypus, yeah. Been into Platypus. You've been in there. Yeah, I've been into Platypus. Oh, they were from Platypus. Platypus, yeah. Been into Platypus. You've been in there. Yeah, I've been into Platypus. I just got like a cheap couple of multi-packs. Okay. Maybe that's me.

Look, you put your foot in, you can't see you're wearing a sock. Amazing. But it's comfortable and it's a sock. You're such a dad sometimes. But you know, even these ankle socks. You are a dad. That's the thing. I put on my gumboots yesterday.

Yeah. And the ankle sock just fell straight off. What is it about gumboots? Well, I wouldn't wear an ankle sock with a gumboot. No, of course not. That's madness. That's absolute madness. You need to be more appropriate with your socks.

Sometimes I see... Also, those are like dress socks. They're like dress ankle socks. Like, yuck. Like, you look like they're... He's wearing those to the gym. What do you mean dress ankle socks? They look like... They're like dress ankle socks Like yuck Like you look like He's wearing those to the gym What do you mean dress ankle socks? They look like

They're not gold Yeah but they're something You'd wear with a suit But they're cut It's weird You need to sort it out How did Sade let this happen? They're jockey socks

Yeah but They're too high They're no yuck Those are No No No one tells me these things Until it's too late

Yeah Until you're at work and you're getting roasted. It's payback for every time you have a go at someone for wearing an orange jacket. It's saying they work at Jetstar. They do look like they work for Jetstar. I had an orange dress and I can't wear that anymore. They don't even wear dresses on Jetstar. No, they used to.

And then they sold their uniforms to you. See? Payback. Pay See? Payback. Payback. Payback. The fashion roasting goes both ways, doesn't it? It goes everywhere. F.E.M.

Let's rewind the clock some 20 years. Maybe you were not even born 20 years ago. Maybe you were young. I was five. But if you were alive, this was an unavoidable, you weren't. That's a lie. That was real. I nearly believed that for a second.able, you weren't. That's a lie. That was real. I nearly believed that for a second.

I know you weren't five because I was only eight, so. Whatever. Banger. So what is the year? 1998. 1998. Wow, okay. 16-year-old Vaughan Smith.

I would have been 16 when this came out. Yeah. Very confused by this music video, I would have imagined. Why? What's happening here? Why am I feeling these feelings? I'm going to put a poster of Britney Spears on my room. I sure am.

The news. But if anybody asks, I love Green Day. The news that this is 20 years old shook us. Yeah. To be honest. To the core. To the absolute core. So it was released 20 years old shook us, to be honest. To the core. To the absolute core. So it was released 20 years ago today, or this week.

Yes. October 23rd, 1998 is the official release date of the single Baby One More Time by Britney Spears. And then the following over summer and into the next year was huge, this song, wasn't it? Massive, massive. It was on, if that didn't make you feel old enough that this song's 20 years old, this was on Now That's What I Call Music Volume 2.

Volume 2. As sold at service stations around the country. In fact, do they still sell Now That's What I Call Music? I think they do. Aren't they up to like 70 or something? They must be. But then those compilation CDs are the only CDs that still really sell, right? I remember that.

Yeah, because people just chuck them in the car. The best-selling CDs of like the last, yeah, the top five were all compilations one year. It was nuts. So 20 years ago, this song came out, and producer Caitlin then piped in with, Oh yeah, I remember that coming out. Why?

What did your mum buy you? So in the video clip, Britney's wearing these pink fluffy scrunchies. Like pom-poms. Pom-pom scrunchies. And she's got her hair tied up in plaits and she's got a bit of fringe and I always had a fringe growing up.

And mum was like, Caitlin, come and have a look at this music video. It was quite raunchy. You were like, she's like a sexy schoolgirl. You were eight. I didn't wear the outfit, I just wore my hair exactly like her.

But to school in your uniform? Yeah. Right. So she bought you the pom-poms. Yeah. Pink pom-poms. And then put your hair in plaits. Put my hair in plaits,

had the fringe, yeah. And I look like Britney. A little bit inappropriate. Yeah, that was weird. I know. It was quite like sexy that music video. Wouldn't have thought you'd be... The hair looked cute. I think that's just

what mum saw in her. Her innocence, her small town naivete. Misread that as a cute cue. I don't know. She's always doing my hair like celebrities. Like who? Like who else? Megan, you got the same.

I got a touchable ponytail. Like hair extensions. To look like who? I don't. Like probably. Kristen Aguilera. Probably after Britney, she delved into the dirty. That was after she made me get my hair cut like Jennifer Aniston.

We'd go to the hairdresser and mum would be like, I'd like to get her the Jennifer Aniston. Yourirty. That was after she made me get my hair cut like Jennifer Aniston. We'd go to the hairdresser and mum would be like, I'd like to get her the Jennifer Aniston. Your mum's training you like a dog. We all had that. Yeah.

I think my daughter will just look exactly like Rachel Offren. We'll have the Rachel, thank you. So your mum bought you hair extensions? Yeah.

I didn't think that was inappropriate. She bought me a few because she was like, these look so great. Yeah. How old were you though? I would have been 10. I didn't think that was inappropriate. She bought me a few because she was like, these look so great. Yeah. Because I guess they couldn't do it to their own hair. I would have been 10.

That's weird. That's like some real pageant mum stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Full-blown pageant mum. I guess that's kind of weird now. But at the time, I was like, this is awesome. It's like, yeah. And that's what we want to talk about.

The most inappropriate thing your parents bought for you. I don't think it's inappropriate because I grew up in the country, but I got a shotgun for my birthday. That's highly inappropriate. How old were you? Oh, 16. Like, I got my gun license and everything, but I had slug guns and everything before.

Yeah, but moody teen years. I know, yeah. Well, if this song came out later in the year, that would have calmed me right down. Would have put the gun down. Grooved with this. That's what we call it in the 90s Grooving Grooves in the heart

Geez Another song? Alright well we want to take your calls 0800DARLS at M You can text 9696 What was the most inappropriate thing That your parents got you When you were a kid?

And looking back now, you're like, that was slightly inappropriate. Yeah, it didn't seem like it at the time, but your extensions are a bit weird. Yeah, looking back at it, you're like, oh. My first bong. I don't know. I'm just putting some ideas. Oh, Dad's always sick of you using his and not cleaning up. Probably have your own bong.

What was the most inappropriatenappropriate thing That your parents brought you When you were a kid Bought you when you were a kid We thought maybe The hair ties Like in Britney Spears Baby One More Time music video

For eight year old Kate Were inappropriate Well that was nothing Wow nothing This is hard Because sometimes you don't know It's inappropriate Until someone else lets you in

On the fact that it's inappropriate Yeah You grow up and you're like That it's inappropriate until someone else lets you in on the fact that it's inappropriate. Or until you grow up and you're like, that was wildly inappropriate from parents or aunties or uncles. Some text messages in. When I was 17, my boyfriend's mum bought me mesh undies with silk ties on the side and a little jewel dangling off the front. I loved them. But looking back now, so inappropriate. Who bought that?

Her boyfriend's mum. Her boyfriend's mum. That's a sexy undies that you then have to show. She'd be showing her son. That's weird. I want to bring back this little chestnut from many moons ago. Oh, totes and approves. Totes and approves.

Oh, totes and approves. I was shopping at the warehouse with my mum, choosing some undies. I was about 11 and she suggested I move into G-strings. At the time I was like, no thanks mum, but now looking back, ooh, totes and a price. Why? I don't get that one. Why is that inappropriate? Because I, no, I don't want to say it.

Caitlin, producer Caitlin, no say. I only just in the past couple of years started wearing normal undies. But what age did you start wearing G-strings? Like real young. Real young. Caitlin? Like 11 or something.

I was 28 when I first got my first G-string. You are 28. Yeah. It's just a different shape undie. To wear every day. No, I only wear it with two certain types of pants. Well, you don't with the VPL.

Yeah, the VPL. And that's only because someone told me I had to buy one and then I asked if I could borrow theirs and they were like, oh, yeah. Oh, no, the material. Yeah. It does not. It touches the butthole and that's my major issue with it.

It's just a different shape. So I used to wear Gs and then I'd wear boxes over top under my school skirt because that would be inappropriate to just wear your G. But why wear the G? Or when you just wear a standard pair of briefs.

I don't know. Don't ask me to explain that. But you know, that's not a rarity. So many people messaged in. About Gs? Yeah. Saying when they were like 11,

their mum, when they went under shopping, their mum was like, oh, maybe you should try Gs. I think that's a weird Kiwi thing. It's a preference thing. No, if your mum wears G-strings, then you'll probably wear G-strings. It's just a different shape undie.

We're so prudish about that kind of thing. Does your mum wear G-strings? No, my mum doesn't. Your mum doesn't wear a G-string. My mum doesn't wear a G. That would be indicating that Ray Ray's rocking a G. Yeah. What was on your mum's washing line?

Standard mum briefs. Mum briefs. Standard. Oh, no, my mum wears, line? Standard mum briefs. Mum briefs. Standard. Oh, no, my mum wears, like, real sexy undies. Yeah, Ray Ray. Outrageous. But it's just, I think it's always the impressive thing. She's got to keep Warren interesting, doesn't she?

Yeah, good on her, Ray. Keep the big dog barking. Okay, stop. It's my parents. Okay, that was it. Totes and approach. Maggie, what was inappropriate that your parents got you? Yeah, so I was 10 and my mum took me to go get my belly button pierced.

Oh, wow. Controversial. Yeah. I got mine pierced when I was 15 and even that was controversial for my parents. Yeah, she wanted to get it done while still skinny. That was her exact wording. Look, I'm going to be honest with you, Maggie. You're going to blow out in your 10 years,

just like your mother did. So let's get this out nice and early. Oh, my gosh. Wow. Yeah, that's an approach. I don't even know what to say to that. Wow. Like, do you still have it?

Yeah, I still got it. I took it out when I was pregnant, so I did blow out a bit, but I carry it back to a regular size, so I've still got it. Now, that's all right if you blow out while you're pregnant. That's expected. Maggie, thanks for your call. Alice, what was inappropriate that your parents bought you? Hi.

Yeah, so mine was a poor, innocent mistake by my father. Do you remember they used to have those girlfriend magazines they might still do in the supermarket and they had those like sealed R18 sections on them? The sealed section? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Good stuff, that. So I was like seven, six or seven years old

and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen were on the front and so my dad thought they were for children. And so he bought me the magazine and obviously I opened the R18 sales section and learned many wondrous things about the world. Yeah, that perforated line's not going to keep anyone out, is it? No. And then my mum got home from work and she was shocked

to hear me asking all sorts of questions. Like, why would someone do this? And like, why would someone do that? And so, yeah, he got in a little bit of trouble that day, I think. Oh, Dad. Poor old dad, though. Poor dad. Alice, thanks for your call. Claire, what was inappropriate that your parents got you?

Yep, so one Christmas, my dad bought me some underwear, and when I opened it, it said Manhunter on it, and I was only 14. Did Dad know what he'd got you? I think he kind of did, but he basically just laughed and I just didn't know what to say. God, what did Mum say about this? She laughed too. My parents are quite, like, they just think everything like that's funny and inappropriate and I just got really embarrassed.

Brilliant. I'd say buying a 14-year-old underpants and saying Manhunter and it would be, ooh, totes and approves. It is. Clear thanks to you, Cole. There's a few people who's had similar situations. Somebody said their dad bought them a T-shirt that when he bought it, it thought it said Flintstones on it.

And he was like, oh, I think she likes the Flintstones because dads have no idea what their kids like. They're like, they're like the cartoon that was on when I was young. So he said, I'll take one of those and got it home. And when it unfolded, it literally said, I'm no Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. And it was for a 12 year old. And the dad was like, oh, nuts and all that. My Russian, a Russian mate gave my 15 yearold son a huge machete for his birthday.

And we said, what's that for? And he said, gardening, protection. So there you go, gardening and protection. Multi-purpose. Yeah, I've got 15-year-olds love gardening, so that's to be expected. Somebody else saying, I didn't even know it was weird that my mum took me specifically shopping for G-strings when I was 12.

I've never thought it was weird until you guys just said it now and now looking back on it, maybe it is a bit weird. No, it's not weird. It's just a different shape undie. I'm just feeling vulnerable because everyone's saying it's weird.

And here's a couple. My sister was purchased a male stripper for her birthday when she turned 18 because my parents wanted her to be straight. Didn't work. Ten years later, she's married to her wife. I guess you would say, ooh, totes and a probes. Yeah, because lesbians love that, eh?

Oh, you just need a bloody good man. Just need a man. Come on, Siri, you're not a lesbian, are you? I mean, I get it because I like women. But I'm a man, Sarah. You're missing out on all of this. Now, I don't know who can sort this out. Dave's got a stripper mate.

And Dave's a homosexual. But, you know, he's not my son, so I won't get involved. But now you. Oh, no, you can imagine that. You can. Would have been very good. Somebody else said, my dad bought a dominoes game for us because we like dominoes.

What he didn't know was on the other side of the dominoes, you know where the dots are at until you can match up the dominoes, were various positions of the Kama Sutra. Oh, okay. Right. Educational, I guess so. Seven and six dots and six dots Yeah, that's good

Spin it over My goodness gracious What is the floating lotus? Seriously though, what is the floating lotus? I don't know, I just made it up But it sounds good, right? Are you sure you made that up? I imagine you're both sitting

And your legs are like that And then you go together And it looks like a lotus floating on the water When you put your legs up like that You're not getting any with go together and it looks like a lotus floating on the water. When you put your legs up like that, you're not getting any with those ankle socks. No, I wouldn't have my ankle socks on. I don't know if I was to make love. I take my ankle socks off. Do you?

Oh, yes, I do. I put my rugby socks on. Get a little grip. And my climbing shoes. And those ice things that you kick in. Kick! Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about the Welsh language.

The Welsh have a very interesting language. If you've ever driven in Wales, there's just a whole bunch of... Oh, the road signs. It looks like someone just was playing boggle and or like they just picked up a whole bunch of Scrabble pieces and threw them in however it landed. That's how they named their things. Is that racist? Yeah, I think so.

I feel it is. Is it? I feel it maybe. Their language is so silly. be I mean your language is silly I think the name Vaughan is a Welsh name I think that gives me sort of like a little bit

does it though? Vaughan derives from the Welsh word hold on it's just loading here now from the Welsh word by Sian, meaning small. And also corresponds to the English name little. So there you go. It means that I'm little.

It just means I'm little. Little Vaughan. Little. So there's a Welsh connection. So, you know, let's wave the racism. Put that to the side. He's not being racist. He's being self-deprecating.

Is it? Okay. Tag yourself in. Their language, when they didn't have words for certain things and things were introduced to whales, they would just name them super literally. Like the Welsh word for hamster is bochtu, which literally just means fat cheeks

because when they saw it, they're like, okay, you don't have any of these. You need a name for this. And they looked at it and they're like, it's got fat cheeks, isn't it? So they named means fat cheeks because when they saw it, they're like, okay, you don't have any of these. You need a name for this. And they looked at it and they're like, it's got fat cheeks, isn't it? So they named it fat cheeks. Other examples of when they named the badger the earth pig. Oh yeah, okay.

The earth pig or mockandaya. My favourite, however, is the peach. What do you think they've called the peach? Something furry. Fuzzy. Very close. Aran gulanog, which just means a woolly plum. A woolly plum.

Well, it is. It is. Essentially. It's a stone fruit. Yeah. It's just a little bit of wool on it. Which, what would nectarine be then? Big plum.

Bald plum. Bald plum. Big plum. Yeah. Or bald woolly plum. Sure. You're going double near. The rat literally translates to big mouse. Oh, woolly plum. Sure. You're going double near. The rat literally translates to big mouse.

Oh, yeah. Okay. The freezer translates to ice jail. So you've got the fridge freezer. The ragwell upstairs is the ice jail. And the skunk is a smelly dog. Okay. So there's heaps.

They literally just, if they didn't have a name for something, when they named it, they just literally named it what it looked likey dog. Okay. So there's heaps, they literally just, if they didn't have a name for something, when they named it, they just literally named it what it looked like to them at that specific time. My favourite though is the ladybird. I don't know why, there's probably a really good story

behind why the ladybird is the short red cow. Short red cow. Short red cow. Okay. So today's fact of the day is if the Welsh didn't have a name for something, they literally just looked at it and were like, you look like a, and name it like that.

Which makes great sense. And that's today's fact of the day, day announcement message, music, because I've got a Kmart hack. Because we needed an excuse to go to Kmart. Yeah. I'm sorry, this is kind of, I don't know if it would work for guys. It's a bit of a niche hack, to be honest, Megan. Look, if it's a money-saving technique, I'm all for guys. It's a bit of a niche hack, to be honest, Megan. Look, if it's a money-saving technique,

I'm all for it. This does work in other shops too, but maybe it's easier in Kmart, I think. And shoplifting. We're not encouraging that. No. So if you go to Kmart and your shoes are already cheap, right?

So you find some cute shoes. Well, you can get female shoes even cheaper if you go to the kids section. Because, and this is great for me because the example they've used, a girl's size 6 shoe is the same as a woman's size 8, which is what I am. So if you're an 8, you just go to the kids. Yeah, but then it's going to be some Dora flipper, isn't it, or something? No, they have cute sandals. There's even running shoes, just black running shoes. I can get a girl's size 6. Yeah, but then it's going to be some Dora flipper, isn't it, or something? No, they have cute sandals.

There's even running shoes, just black running shoes. So the sandals are like $9. And what would the average female's foot size be? Like an 8 or a 9? 8 or a 9. When you go to those sample sales, what is it, 8? 7, 8? Yeah.

I'd say 8 or a 9. Okay. Yeah. But this works. I've tried to do this before for other shoes. If you get like really big kid sizes, because I don't have a massive foot, but it's, you know, like on the upper side, you can get like the big kid sizes

and then the shoes like sometimes half the price. But those shoes... Yeah, that seems like a glaring loophole that surely they'd be aware of. No, they're not aware of it at all because it's like the kids kids stuff is always cheaper

so and I mean parents aren't going to spend that much on kids shoes I imagine if like you're a really petite person as well you can shop in the kids

clothing and that's cheaper too if you buy like yeah because I've got a friend who's quite small like not tall yeah and like quite skinny

and sometimes we'll get some deals on like, yeah, kids stuff, which is exactly the same as adults. Really? Like especially basics. Yeah. Like, yeah, crazy. Gets it cheaper. My first undies and stuff.

How small are these people? Hanging out with Oompa Loompas again? I am, yes. God, you've got to wean yourself off. You tried to start that chocolate factory. I want a chocolateas again? I am, yes. God, you've got to wean yourself off. You tried to start that chocolate factory. I want a chocolate factory board. I know you do.

Get the factory first and staff it later. Stop paying people before you've got a company. Also, you're going to have to be creeping around the kids section as a single adult.

No, no, no, because she looks like a mum. What does that mean? Nothing, but you could totally be a mum. What does that mean? Don't take that as an insult. I'm married to a mum. What does that mean? Nothing, but you could totally be a mum What does that mean? Don't take that as an insult I'm married to a mum What does that mean?

I've got a mum Okay No, but you could totally be a mum I could be But anybody could be Yeah No, but you could be shopping for your like nieces Yeah

Or like anyone Yeah I mean it might be weird if you're lurking around in there Or one of your like what, what, four kids? Have you had four kids? All right, ankle socks. I've poked in the beer after a long, I'm a bit excited after a few days off.

I'm like, come back in. Take your chicken legs and your ankle socks out that door. I haven't mowed anyone down for a few days. We had no roasting for five days. I know. I felt like a human. I was such a pleasant human being. You need to roast it.

Did you guys have great self-esteem as well for the last five days? Yeah, I wonder why I felt so good about myself. I know. I thought it was the inspirational calendar that I purchased. But maybe it was just the lack of roasting. I think it might have been. There is a new Instagram trend. This is in China.

Now, it's not just one or two people. Is it not saying anything bad about the government? Oh, no. You don't do that, do you? No, because you disappear if you do that in China. Yeah. So, I think 60,000 people have done this since August. So, it's not just one or two people.

This is huge. Okay. But I So it's not just one or two people. This is huge. Okay. But I guarantee it's not going to happen here because it's just not the Kiwi way. So this is called the flaunt your wealth challenge. Yeah. Yeah, that's not happening in New Zealand. You'll just get mowed down and rightly so.

So the picture that gets put on Instagram is you falling out of your luxury car. So it's just like you're posing like you've fallen out and you've spilt all the contents of your bag or your car on the ground. And so on the ground it's like perfectly placed luxury goods. Like

fragrances. Birkin bags. Like handbags. Jewelry. Yeah. And it's all like perfectly placed, fallen out of the car it is the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen you should look

at some of them like they're crazy I think the person that I've seen that's won has fallen out of her private jet

with a $20,000 handbag you fall down the stairs and that you'll do yourself a real mischief a heat injury yeah

but most of them are luxury vehicles and then they're posed falling out of the car. It's so ridiculous. It is as stupid as it sounds. It's so stupid. That's also a big,

the photo you're showing me right now is a big spread. You'd literally have to shake your bag as you were landing. Yeah. Oh yeah, no, it's perfectly placed around.

Oh, that's a nice one. What is that? A Lamborghini? Yeah, that's a Lamborghini. Jeez. Yeah. Who's got that much stuff in their bag? For one, it's not realistic.

Well, it's all set up, isn't it? Can we recreate this after the show today? I'll be falling out of my Honda. And what's in your bag? My posture support. Your posture bra. Black hoodie. Yep.

Oh, a pack of Skittles. Brilliant. A tropical Skittle. Your backpack's got to be on the ground too because people are putting their fancy handbags in it. My catchment backpack. Yeah, Powerbill. Some sunglasses.

And this thing that I actually stole from work. God, I thought that was a sex toy for a second. You could actually. It could be three sex toys if you hold it upside down. It's like one of those Gorilla Grip tripod things. What have I got on the side? Should you be saying that you stole that from work? Well, it's still at work, so technically have I stolen it?

Right. God, you've got to get better at lying. I've got a couple of USBs. Right, okay. This is going to be great. Air plug. Yeah, is there like a hashtag to search these? Flaunt your wealth challenge is the hashtag.

We could just do it. Change it to... We could totally do this in New Zealand. Flaunt your... Your these? Flaunt your wealth challenge is the hashtag. We could just do it. We could totally do this in New Zealand. Flaunt your... Your povo. Flaunt your povo. How povo are you? Yeah. Love it.

ZM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZM online.