ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - October 29 2018

Episode Date: October 28, 2018

Megan has had a reaction to her Halloween costume, Vaughan went back to the Outback bar in Hamilton and what did you hide from your parents?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark. Get more of what you love on the $29 prepaid rollover pack. And now, on with the show. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. I've just searched the weather today for Abel Tansman National Park for the Royals. Yes. Is it not good? It's quite wetals. Yes. It's not good. It's quite wet.

Oh, no. It's quite wet today. Yeah. Anywhere between a 40 and 70% chance of rain. Well, they're going in spring. You need to go in summer. It's a bit risque in spring. Oh, spring's a risky unit.

Yeah. A bit nips as well. Only up to 11 high today. Oh. In the park. I hope she's going to design a Yeah, a bit nips as well. Only up to 11 high today. Oh. In the park. I hope she's got a designer coat. She will. To chuck on.

Do they do, like, nice active wear? They never go out in active wear, do they? What is she going to wear? Like, you'd have to wear sneakers. Right. Yeah, no, you can't do heels. You can't get off the boat onto the beach. Yeah, designer dress.

In heels. Gumboots. Kayaking. Oh, yeah, maybe some of those really expensive gumboots. Kayaking. Or maybe some of those really expensive gumboots. Yeah. Those ones that someone had a photo with.

They're green. You know the ones I'm talking about? No. I know the ones you mean, but I forget the brand. I want to say Hunter. Oh.

And everyone wears them to like Glastonbury. Coachella. And Coachella. No, not Coachella. Glastonbury. Yeah. Because it gets muddy. Because I showed my dad once i was like

guess how much a pair of these boots guys blew his mind because way more than what he pays for boots he was like what are they steel cap i was like no no what are they like last three rows yeah hunter hunter and they've got about like a buckle at the top yes hunter you're right yes those are some ooh la la boots what did your dad think about the buckle at the top? Pointless. What for? It looks super cute. Ridiculous.

But it serves no practical purpose on a boot. A boot's not nice. As for most things on, like, cute outfits, serve no practical purpose. I'm pretty sure it was Matoodles wearing some. Matoodles would have a pair. Because I remember thinking, she's got some of those boots. Where was Matoodles wearing Hunter's plum. Matoodles would have a pair. Because I remember thinking she's got some of those boots. Where was Matoodles wearing Hunter Cummings?

I don't know. I don't know. I'm pretty sure it was here. I saw someone in it. She would. What is that supposed to mean? Kate Ormsby's got a pair. She would.

She would. Well, now I need a pair of gumboots. She's got a great taste in gumboots. Well, you want a pair of those gumboots? No, I don't need gumboots. I live in the city. What you really want is a pair of AFCO boots. a meat working boots i rave about my pair of afgas they'll go anywhere steel cap great boots super comfortable last forever you've never worked there

either so it's a it's a wonder how you got those i was gifted them by an afco employee one of the greatest gifts i've ever received. Right. Or they might have just been like, my boots have been stolen, I need a new pair, and they got a new pair, and they gave me their old pair. All right, you lot, listen up. It's story time. Story time. Vaughan and Megan pick one of the following three headlines.

Headline one, driver left red-faced. Headline two, search for loose pants bandit. And headline three, man thought nobody liked his jokes. Oh. Oh. Three. You want three? That's pretty cute.

Slash sad. Did they though? We'll find out now. Wow. We go now to Vietnam. And it's a short and sweet video. It's a short and sweet story accompanied by a video, but I'll explain the video.

Yeah. Doctors at a hospital in Vietnam shared video from an unusual case where they removed a cricket found living inside a man's air canal. Oh, God, that's my worst nightmare. Hitting an insect. In my ear hole. Hence, he was telling these jokes and then hearing cricket. Oh. That was...

Oh. I get you. You get it now, you get it now. All right, okay. So he'd tell the joke and then it'd hit. Yeah. Just some appreciation for the headline there. Yeah.

Roger. Gotcha. And so he obviously was like, I better go to the doctor because no one's finding my jokes funny. And yeah, they removed it. So he came into the hospital complaining of pain. They took a look with an endoscope. Yeah.

Is that like? It's just like a little camera. A little camera? On the end of the thing. Poked that down. And they could see a live cricket in there digging around the man's ear canal. And they were able to remove it. I always see those little short videos on Facebook

pop up of something crawling out of someone's ear. Yeah, they like pour olive oil in, the insect can't breathe anymore, so it goes up to get air and then it like goes. What are you, extra virgin? Yeah. I'd probably, like your air deserves that. Like cold pressed.

Yeah. Cold pressed. Because I don't know, I bought some yesterday. Olive oil. Saturday I got it. If we're like sticking to the facts. And I don't know because it's so confusing. Like what's extra virgin?

What's virgin? What's cold press? Well, it doesn't matter. Cold press is pressed with a cold... Like damp cloth, isn't it? It's one of those... Like a cold thing. It just literally squeezes the oil out of the olives.

And there's no heat. No, no heat involved. But there's heat in the other ones. If it's just standard olive oil, I believe the easiest way although not the you know top dog way yeah is to like get the oil out of it with heat right right but then what's the kind of what's extra virgin about it that it hasn't been heated right so what do you mean just i don't like to use i've said this before if it's for, I don't like to use, I've said this before, if it's for heat, I don't like to use olive oil.

No. What do you use? That's right. You wouldn't use extra virgin olive oil for cooking. And a frying pan. Well, that's what I've got. That's what I've got. It's meant for dressing, because it's for taste.

Yeah, no, see, you're buying extra virgin and stuff, that's just for the taste. It's quite a lovely tasting olive oil, but you just burn it. It burns. It's got a very low smoke point. Well, I've got a whole big bottle now to get through. Do some research on your oil. Well, this is what I'm asking now. Rice bran. It's got a very low smoke point. Well, I've got a whole big bottle now to get through. Do some research on your oil. Well, this is what I'm asking now. Rice bran.

What's that? Because it's pretty basic flavour, but it's good for heat. It goes real hot. Yeah, but is it good for you? Great for a shallow fry. I mean, is any oil good for you? Yes, olive oil's good for you. See, that's why I get olive oil.

It's good for you. Look at those Italianos that live like till they're 125. And they look gorgeous. And they do. You look gorgeous. What's your secret? I'm an Italiano.

I use olive oil on my skin and in my food. True. Use multi-use. Yeah, right. Okay. Well, good to know.

It's margarine, actually. That's the secret to their long life. Well, after appearing on The Simpsons for the first time in 1990 and being, you know, one of the main characters, but outside of the Simpson family,

Apu is being written out of the show. Is this because of the backlash? Was it earlier this year or last year? Yes, yes. That Cookie Mart owner, Apu Nasa? Nasa Penapendalon. Yes. I've got it written down in front of me and I think that's the... Yes, yes, that Cookie Mart owner Apu Nassar. Nassar Pindalong. Yes.

I've got it written down in front of me and I think that's it. Have you ever seen that written down? No. Yeah, no, don't. It's far easier just to remember it from that episode where he says his name a lot. Yeah. So 1990 he first appeared and has been always voiced by Hank Azaria,

a white actor, putting on what is a very stereotypical Indian accent. So a little while ago, as you said, there was controversy and a documentary was made called The Problem With A Poo. Yeah, I never saw that. And Matt Groening, the creator, didn't he come out and say, oh, just get over it or let's move on, don't worry about it? And Hank Azaria, who does the voice and lots of other voices on The Simpsons,

so he's not going to be out of work, said, I'm pretty happy to stand aside and not do Apu anymore. I'd rather people weren't offended by this. And I don't know this, but there was actually crowdsourcing put ahead to get an episode funded that dealt with the whole fact that this character was a stereotype.

Who was going to do the episode? It was crowdfunded and the guy was raising the money to get the script writers to pay them to get it written to then get it produced by The Simpsons to say here. Here's money, let's deal with this. Give him a non-generic job and get him voiced by an actual Indian-American actor,

however that would look like. So in the end, they just said, no, look, we'll just write him out. He's going to be gone from The Simpsons. So they said, are they going to kill him off? I don't know. Or is he going to move somewhere? I don't know if he's moving somewhere or being killed off or what the story is.

Or they just won't ever see him again. He's gone. And they said, well, that's not really the problem. That's kind of just swept it under the rug. Rather than dealing with the thing you've just been like, oh, well, you don't get representation on the show anymore. Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that.

And pushed aside. Rather than being represented by somebody who represents them in public, not a white guy putting on a voice. Yeah. So no more Apu. Well, that's good. I don't want anyone to be offended. And it is pretty racist.

Yeah, it is really. Yeah. At the time, you were just like, but now you're like, no. Walking up very fun. Like if you started a show today, you wouldn't do that. No. No. No. No. No. No. Walking it very fun. Like if you started a show today, you wouldn't do that. No. No. No.

But because everybody grew up with it and it's been around for like 30 years. And so all it takes is for someone to point it out and you're like, oh, yeah. It's just always been there. Humblest apologies. Literally started that show when I was five. The Irish have had, I can't find the word referendum, but they voted and it wasn't as part of the general election. Okay.

And there was like voting forms and everything. So I'm going to go ahead and I'm going to say the R word, that they had a referendum to remove blasphemy as part of the constitution of Ireland. This is... That's quite a big thing because they're quite... Massive for Ireland. They're a hugely religious nation.

Catholics, cataholics. Although, like... They blaspheme all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, God, I love when an Irish person swears. Oh, nobody says, oh, Jesus Christ, quite like an Irish person. I didn't know what you were going to say then. Christ.

Oh, Jesus. Because of what they've had referendums, what, in the last year or two on abortion and gay marriage? Yes. And everyone was like, yeah, don't worry about it. We're chill. Because they're quite a progressive. Well, that's what they're saying. They wanted to get this done because, you know, they're trying to become quite a progressive nation.

They said this one holds them back a bit. But nobody's been charged with blasphemy in Ireland since 1855. And that was in connection with alleged Bible burning case. The closest that's come since is Stephen Fry, the comedian. In 2015, he was doing a television interview, and somebody asked him what he'd say to God. And he said, bone cancer and children. What's that about?

Remember that? It was quite famous. I've seen that whole spiel. It's really, really good. But he was never actually officially charged with blasphemy, but they said that was the closest that it's come in modern times that people would be familiar with. So they're like, let's just get rid of it then.

Let's just. But I'm, New Zealand's the same. We've got these old laws that they haven't done anything about. Yeah. But they're still there. We need to get rid of them, is what you're saying. Yeah, I remember there was talk about it, what, last year or earlier this year. Just kind of, they're just a bit out of date.

Yeah. They didn't get rid of them. We just don't, they don't really pay attention to them, right? If they're steeped in a religious past that even current religious people can get over. I think it's time. Okay, so I've Googled in New Zealand, the publishing of any blasphemous libel is a crime in New Zealand, which allows for imprisonment of up to one year.

Jesus. Oh, I don't want to say the rest. But it wouldn't be one of those rough prisons. It would be one of those nice white collar prisons where you'd be in with like... The fraudsters. Yeah, the fraudsters. Do you get internet in there? Yeah, the Skype.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like a motel in Te Awamutu. Oh, it's nicer than that. You get the basic Skype packages. And a spa. And is it fibre or is it like... Oh, it's broadband. Oh, okay.

Yeah. So it's not too bad. What's that one below fibre? VDSL. VDSL. Oh, is it that? It's like VDSL, but everybody. So it's not too bad. What's that one below fibre? VDSL? VDSL. Oh, is it that? It's like VDSL, but everybody in the flat's using the Wi-Fi. Oh, yeah.

So it can be a little bit slow. It's not bad. It's not bad if it gets a good sturdy connection. Not bad. Not bad. Do they have Netflix in prison? Oh, no, because someone has to pay for it. Prison warden may not pay.

Yeah, they just use Chopper Sisters. Yeah. But then Chopper Sister logs on and there's a thousand new profiles created. And someone's been using her profile to watch Making a Murderer. That'd be annoying. It's probably that guy who's trying to get away with murder, even though he's been charged with one of the murders. So, yeah, they've voted.

The final voting on Friday's referendum in Ireland was 65% voted yes to get rid of it. Oh, brilliant. So they'll be getting rid of blasphemy laws from their constitution. It's important that we all eat healthy because the world's getting more obese and stuff, which is what you want to hear on a Monday. No, not after the weekend. But you know when you go to make a pizza, it's like really expensive to buy all the ingredients.

You're like, okay, well, if I make a pizza myself, it's cheaper. Yep. I mean, if I make a pizza myself, it's healthier, but it's not cheaper. Is that because I probably put like eight times as much toppings on, so lots of cheese. Well, it feels healthier.

You feel better, eh? Yeah. Yeah. But it's still no better. It's so much cheaper just in like less time. To get takeaways. 100%. Oh, of course.

Well, now there is a recent study that's been for a healthy diet is not sustainable for the world. So, if everyone was to actually eat healthy, there is not enough fruit and vegetables in the world to cater for it. Okay, so this is a great excuse for us to get tanker ways. We're actually helping. I was going to say, but there's obviously enough burgers and chips for everybody. Yeah. Well, because the systems that are in place, we overproduce grains, fats, and sugars. But on the other side of things, production of fruit, vegetables, and to a smaller degree, they say protein, which we all know, is not sufficient to meet the needs of the world's population.

Wow. So, yeah. If you're not eating your fruit and veggies, you're like, I'm not eating this so someone else can. But how sad is that that the system's against us as well? But that's why they're like, why are we all getting so fat? It's because you're not making enough healthy stuff for us. I'm quite happy we walked past the $2 broccolis at the supermarket.

Yeah, they're only making what everyone's buying now, aren't they? Yeah, okay. Yeah, I see your point. Well, yeah, but what comes first, chicken or the egg? Speaking of which, not enough eggs anymore to go around. Not enough healthy eggs. Oh, God. Healthy forms of protein. Sorry about it, guys, but at least you've all got an excuse.

So, donut for breakfast. Back to the $5 pizzas then. Done. Do you know if you can buy cricket flour now? Have we spoken about that? What? Ground up crickets. It's flour, but it's like protein.

And is it in New Zealand? 100%. New Zealand? Yeah, they just grind them up. Where do they get... Do they dry them out first? You'd have to dehydrate the crickets. Oh, yeah.

You're not like... Wait, where about... Did you see this? There are like health food shops and stuff. You're not like me. Wait, whereabouts? Did you see this? There are like health food shops and stuff. You can buy cricket flippers. I was going to say because it'd be hard

to get it in the old mortar and pestle and it's like, hold still, mate. And then it's mushy. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So you dehydrate them.

Yeah, but then it's like a flour but it's less carby and it's more protein. I don't know what it tastes like and I haven't tried it so I don't know what the consistency. I I haven't tried it so I don't know what the consistency. I guess so.

You probably need to chuck some baking powder in there because it wouldn't be self-rising cricket flour. I doubt it. I don't think so. Oh my God.

So I've just googled cricket flour is also a rich source of calcium, iron, potassium. This is great if you're a vegan.

B12. No it's not. You're eating an insect. They don't, potassium. This is great if you're a vegan. B12. No, it's not. You're eating an insect. They don't eat animals. This is great for Ruben. No, they don't eat the animals either. I'm just thinking that, you know, they need the iron. You can't just say I'm a vegan apart from insects.

Like they don't have, but there's so many of them. I know, but there's so many pigs. Can they bleach it? Because I'm not down with the brown colour. You are down with the brown. Yeah, it is. It's like a brown sugar colour, isn't it? Yeah.

Or like a curry powder. It looks like a curry powder colour. I would definitely do this. But the thing is, you're like using cricket flour to make it healthier. But then what do you make with flour? Biscuits, bread, like all the stuff that's not good for you. Still means sugar. Yeah, yeah.

How much actual butter do I put in with this cricket flour? Can you please make us some like muffins? Okay. Some cricket flour muffins. So have you seen this? You've not just heard about it.

You've seen it. I've seen it. I've just been reading about it. It's insane. I just go with it. No, no, no, but maybe you've seen it in stores. It's like cricket powder

or cricket flour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to health food shops and you ask them about it. Cricket flour sounds way better than cricket powder. Apparently cricket flour has three times more protein than steak. What? Than steak? Than steak.

Apparently it's super high in protein. Okay, I'm going to find a delicious recipe. Make pancakes with that and bananas. And what else goes into pancakes? Bit of butter, right? Yeah, bit of butter. Egg. Egg.

Yep. That actually sounds all right. But would you make sweet stuff out of it? Apparently, yeah, you can put it in protein bars, cookies. Well, you've eaten them. They're pretty tasty. We ate them fried, so they had the taste of something fried. But other than that, it was pretty plain.

Yeah. And you can get like... I was about to say, do, we ate them fried, so they had the taste of something fried, but other than that, it was pretty plain. Yeah. And you can get, like... I was about to say, do they, like, gut them first? I bet it's expensive, though. Oh, it wouldn't be cheap. You won't be able to get a big bag of it, like, at the supermarket when you get a big bag of flour. Yeah.

Chocolate espresso banana bread with cricket flour. Here you go. Make that. Okay. Yes. Brilliant. Oh, with ant sprinkles. Ant sprinkles.

And snail icing. And snail icing is just letting snails crawl all over it. Whatever. The Top 6 with Vaughan Smith. Well, the Royals are here. How long are they here for? 10 days.

7 days. They landed in Wellington yesterday, their first port of call in New Zealand. So the top six things the Royals said when they got off the plane in Wellington. Number six. I don't know what it is, but I'm suddenly overwhelmed to grow a moustache, get a leather satchel,

an old push bike and go vegan. I also know that sounds nothing like Harry. So please don't be under the impression I thought that. It was a great impression of... It sounded like Prince Charles, actually. It did sound a bit more Charles-y, didn't it? Yeah. It sounded a bit more Charles-y. Number five on the list of the top six things

the royals see when they got off the plane in Wellington. Oh, be careful, that sign's blowing away. Oh, oh, ha, ha, ha, it's meant to look like that. Whoa, that's a bit neat. Good stuff. What a hoot. Oh, wow. I like that.

This is because it's a windy city. Okay, great. Yes, clever. Good. How much did that cost? What? Christ. Number four on the list of the top six things the royals said when they got off the plane in Wellington.

Oh, looks like it's going to be a lovely warm day today. I'll dress for summer. Narrator. It wasn't and they shouldn't have. Unpredictable. Number three on the list of the top six things the Royals said when they got off the plane in Wellington. Oh, why aren't there lime scooters here?

Auckland and Christchurch have them. Oriental Parade would be lovely to go around on a lime scooter. This is so unfair. Wish there was lime scooters. I got one to work today. Did you? Yeah, I picked it up real early. We hunted one down yesterday, me and the girls,

and I took them for a little ride. How'd they like it? Andy loved it. August knew. She tried to hop off when we were going 12km an hour. She's like, no, I'm trying to step off. We can't step off. Let me off.

Let me off. I was like, you'll have to walk back to the car if you hop off here. And she's like, all right, take me back to the car. Or I'll go by the grass and you do a dive roll. Everybody abandoned Lime Scooter. But that was the first one I've seen that's had some damage. Oh, really? You know, the little cover over the speedo.

Someone had smashed that off. I don't know if they had smashed off it or it had come off and been crashed or what, but it looked like a bit of rough handling. Yeah, right. It was to blame. The top six things the Royals said when they got off the plane in Wellington yesterday.

Number two. Oh, is it? It's windy. Yeah, okay. I couldn't really hear them over the wind. And the number one thing that the Royal said yesterday when they got off the plane in Wellington was, oh, Christ, that was terrifying.

The plane was sideways. Oh, a fellow was going to crash into the side of the hill. God, I hope we don't have to fly into Queenstown. I've heard that's F in scary. That is today's Top 6. F.M. We would like to talk about something you've hidden from your parents. Maybe you still are.

This story comes from Florida. A 20-year-old girl has been hiding something from her parents for a while. Okay. And she thought that she would get away with it. And when I tell you what she was hiding, you'll agree that you probably would never expect your parents to find out. She had both her nipples pierced. Okay, well, she's 20. She can do what she wants.

Yeah, and her sister gave it to her as a present, and they both agreed, like, let's not say anything. Her sister gave her nipple piercings. Well, she didn't give, give like she didn't do them. But she would have paid for it because she knew her sister wanted it. One should not pay for anything to do with one's sibling's nipples. Would you pay for your sister's nipple piercings? No, I don't want to know anything about them. Exactly. No but sisters

have a different bond to like a brother and a sister. I wouldn't give my brother a nipple piercing. If your brother paid for your nipple piercings you'd be like this is weird. Would you pay for your sister's nips to be pierced?ipple piercing. If your brother paid for your nipple piercings, you'd be like, this is weird. Would you pay for your sister's nips to be pierced? Absolutely not. If I had a sister and she wanted her nipples pierced, I'd be like, okay, I'll give it to you as a present.

You guys are all pros, man. How much does a nipple piercing cost? I don't know. Would it be like 40 bucks or something? Don't look at me. I don't have them done. Do you get a half price for the second one? Two for a year, I was going to say.

Yeah, 40 for one or 60 for both. But I've always thought, would you pull your T-shirt or take your bra off all the time and get caught on it? Maybe. I would imagine that. Imagine if you had a crater nipple because you ripped half of it off. But they're little ball bearings and they're kind of tucked in. Okay.

So, yeah, she has conservative parents. They don't like tattoos, piercings, that kind of thing. But again, like nipples, your parents aren't necessarily going to see them. Oh no, when you're growing up, I don't think your parents should be often seeing your nipples. But I'm guessing that they found out somehow. Yes. This is quite funny. So she has a, would you say, like a condition?

I was trying to think of the right word. A condition to do with her spine. So she needs to get frequent x-rays to check up on her spine. And so her mum went with her to get an x-ray. Now, usually doctors would be like, hey, remove all your metals and everything. But no one said it to her. So she kind of forgot that she had her nipples first. She got her x-ray done.

And it was when the doctor brought the radiographs up and put them in front of the mum that you could see two perfect barbells right in the centre of her chest. And mum was like... Mum was shook. I'd be like, well, my sister has them too. She gave them to me. So apparently the doctor and the daughter started laughing, mum was shook. I'd be like well my sister has them too. She gave them to me.

So apparently the doctor and the daughter started laughing but the mum was visibly upset. Oh girl. Yeah. Brilliant. Oh what's that?

Oh. Talk later. For now we hear about your spinal condition so it seems weird that I would pack a sock about your nips. So we would love to hear from you

what you've been hiding from your parents. Or maybe they did, in fact, find out. So those times when you had things or if you're still hiding. I mean, the obvious ones are like tattoos and piercings. But it just seems weird that you could be in your 20s or something and have to hide tattoos from your parents.

Maybe to you. If I had a tattoo, I would not tell my parents. Are you kidding? I just wouldn't get one. Your parents don't, they wouldn't care. No, they're weird about, they're so like fine with most things, but not tattoos. Like nudity. They're nude all the time.

They're natureists. I know, yeah. And they'd be weird about a tattoo. Yeah, because it's like your body is a wonderland, you know? Don't like scribble all over it. Yeah. It's like your body's a skate park to them. But you don't graffiti your skate park, you know.

You always have your skate park clean and for people to have a ride on and grind on. They were so disappointed with me when I got my belly button pierced. That did not go down well. How long did you hide that from them? Oh, a month. It's harder to hide. You had a tongue piercing as well though, eh? No, I didn't.

No, you had your nose pierced. Yeah. Oh, I got that done only a few years ago and Dad was so disappointed. I was a grown woman. It was like life to decide to have your teenage rebellion. Excuse me, nose piercings are super popular. Okay, mate.

Go put on your ankle socks again. Oh, no, mate. I'm just, I'm in jandals today. Are you in jandals and jeans? Okay, well, 0800DARNZ.M, 9696, what did you hide from your parents, or what are you still hiding? We want to talk about what you've been hiding

from your parents, because a female 20-year-old was hiding her nipple piercings from her mum and then she got an X-ray and her mum saw the X-ray. She didn't take her nipple piercings out. So what have you been hiding from your parents? Maybe you still are hiding from them. Some calls in.

Nicole, what have you been hiding? Oh, well, my mum's like the biggest romantic ever so she doesn't understand casual dating. So for years I was hiding that I was like going on Tinder dates and things like that. Oh, wow. Does she get too attached, like, after one date? Yeah, like, if I went on a date, she'd be like,

oh, what does his parents do? You're like, mum, this is Tinder. I don't know, I barely know him. It does sound like Caitlin's mum, doesn't it? What's his last name? He gets so invested. What's his Facebook name? Because I want so invested. What's his Facebook name? Because I want to look him up.

Oh, he's cute. I'll send him a message. Caitlin, are you Nicole's sister? We might be related. Related, yeah. Sounds like mum's involved. Jessica, do you just avoid telling mum now? Yeah, like she'll be like, oh, what did you do this weekend?

I'm like, nothing. Oh, don't say that quick. When you say nothing that quick, it definitely sounds like you've been up to something. How many dates would it take before you told mum? Oh, well, I'm in a serious relationship now, so it probably took like three months for me to tell her. Oh, my God. And then she came out with the questions? Yeah, like all of them.

She wanted to know where he's from, what he does, has he studied, you know, basically. What's his plans for the questions? Yeah, like all of them. She wanted to know where he's from, what he does, has he studied, you know, basically. What's his plans for the future? Is she pleased? Yeah, yeah, she loves it. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's good. All right, thanks for your call, Nicole.

Anonymous caller, good morning. Good morning. Now, what are you hiding from your parents? I'm hiding from my parents that I've been a sugar baby for the last like three years and it's been my main source of income. Wow, and here Megan was...

Tax free, eh? Yeah. And you were worried about telling your parents about a tattoo, Megan. Well, if I was a sugar baby, I definitely wouldn't tell Dad. But they just don't understand, right? Because you just have to go on dates, is that right? Yeah, basically. Well, that's the gist

of it. It's kind of just being a companion for people, for older men, usually. But yeah, my parents are very, very religious, like brethren, Christianity. When you say very religious I'm like, oh yeah. And then you say brethren,

it's like, oh, crink, crink, crink, crink. Yeah, very. If you ever decide to tell them, can I just be like, nearby, just to witness that? Because that would be

quite something to see. Yeah, they're just, they're never going to find out. Yeah, no. Okay, well, I'm just going to say, I doubt they'd listen. Like, headscarf brethren.

Like, that intense or non-head scarf because there's two types of brethren's right there's exclusives exclusive brethren that's headscarf and part-time and part-time casual casual hours brethren right not quite headscarf exclusive that is crazy oh god wow okay yeah i wouldn't tell them either It's crazy. Oh, God. They're like a cocktail girl. Wow. Okay. Okay. Yeah, I wouldn't tell them either. Is that like what your main kind of source of income, your main job? Yeah, so it has been. So I had to have the kind of cover story of like, oh, yeah, I'm working at this place,

but don't come visit me ever. I would have made the place just slightly sinful so they wouldn't have wanted to just have like hell pizza. That is exactly what I told them. Yay! There you can tell. I'm a

Catholic boy gone rogue so I know the way around this. Because they would never order from Hell's Pizza simply because of the name. And they weren't impressed that I worked at Hell's. Well, supposedly worked at Hell's anyway. And you can't tell them you work at South Park because that's not made in New Zealand.

No. I'm just thinking about the things that religious people complain about. Anonymous, thanks so much for your call. Lexi, I don't know if you're going to beat that story. What have you been hiding from your parents? Lexi. No, she's gone.

She's out. I can't beat that. I can't beat a sugar baby. We heard from my dad that my brother was quite the drug lord and that my house was his safe house, i.e. where it was all kept. He doesn't do it anymore, but there was a huge dollar worth in my home that contents insurance would not have covered. Mind you, you can't fire coming up tower and be like,

Hey, mate, so I didn't specify, but, you know, like hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of drugs have been stolen. Like, what do I do to fill in a claim for that? And will I lose my no claim? Yeah, yeah. Oh, they broke a window to get in too, so can I get that window replacement situation happening? Somebody else said, I have a huge tattoo on my ribs and my

dad could never find out. He would disown me if I got any more. He said he would disown me if I got any more tattoos after my first tiny tattoo on my ankle. Oh, he's all talk. Why are you disowning your kid if they've got a tattoo? I'm not going to talk to you because you've got a tattoo. That's

so stupid. You grew up with reasonable parents. We all grew up with reasonable parents. We all grew up with reasonable parents. They'd be angry when they get over it. But they were literally like people who are crazy about this sort of stuff. Oh, Lord. It's just a drawing. They would put some weird ideology before the love for their own children. It definitely happens.

It's nuts. What if you drew a picture on your arm with Vivid just every single day of your life? It's the same thing. I just don't have to draw it on every day because I did it permanently. But then every time you see your parents who draw over it with Vivid, it just looks like it's still just a man.

Meghan Markle, Prince Harry are in the country. Abel Tasman today, they've been in Wellington. I believe they'll leave Wellington at some stage this morning. Well, that would be required to get to Abel Tasman. We have a $1,000 bounty. If you see the Royals and you get out the phone,

whip out the phone, start recording. We want a video. We want them to say hello to us. Yeah, it's entirely self-indulgent. Entirely, but we want it. We did this last time when Prince Harry was here a few years ago. When John Key was Prime Minister. Do you remember that? Because he had a chat to us the next day, didn't he?

You bloody stupid. Oh yeah. You bloody idiot. Kind of a light telling off. Yeah. And this is what happened. $1,000. I'm so poor. Do you deserve $1,000? I'm so poor. Is there not someone down here that might need it more? Yes, there might definitely need it. What do I have to say? Hello, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Flet in debt. I'm in debt. Is there not someone down here that might need it more? I definitely need it.

Please. What do I have to say? Hello, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Thank you. Easy. $1,000 just like that.

So the bounty is back. And I mean, they're going to be in Auckland after that. Yeah. So still a lot of chance for you to win that $1,000 cash. Get onto it. Send it in. Now, something that happened over the weekend, Ja Rule and 50 Cent

have an old beef. We were going to talk about this, but just really quickly, they had a beef. 50 Cent bought a whole lot of seats to the concert and so no one could sit

next to stage. Done. That's talked about. What I want to talk about now, Fletch, you look confused. Yeah, what? A more interesting is the behind the scenes

that Fletch has been working on. He needs new bedding. You should see This has been in studio What are your thoughts on Blah blah blah Talking to Megan about bedding

Okay so what I've decided Because last night I was so hot So was I It was warm I had a bit of a sweat on I've got the winter duvet on And it's like duck feathers or something I don't know It's real hot In winter it's awesome Yeah But got the winter duvet on and it's like duck feathers or something. I don't know.

It's real hot. In winter, it's awesome. Yeah. But it's getting to the stage and it's in summer where it's too hot for blankets. I just want a light blanket. So I'm saying,

I've been talking to Megan. I'm like, why don't we have, like, what's not a duvet but is just a blanket but still enough to be a cover? Like a duvet cover.

A sheet. I was educating Fletch on a comforter, which is like a stuffed blanket. Yeah, that's what I want. That's what a duvet is, a stuffed blanket. No. Nah, but this thing in the middle moves around. It's a duvet inner.

This is permanently stuffed, so you don't pull it out and wash it and put it back in. And even if you get a really light duvet inner for summer, it's still too much. Yeah. You need something lighter. But then you also, when you make the bed, you want it to look nice. Yeah.

So what is that called? A comforter. Is it light though? It looks very puffy. No, it is really light. It's got thin padding inside. Right. But is that also what Americans call duvets?

Comforters? So they can be real puffy, puffy. Right. But is that also what Americans call duvets? Comforters? So they can be real puffy puffy. Yeah. Like thick. You would want a summer comforter.

I'd want a summer one. Yeah. But this is what I'm trying to make and they don't do them in New Zealand. No one does them. I found a really

good website for you. Well you've got heaps of banana ones. The ones that I've found. Because one of those things we had like when we were a kid we had this thing on

our bed and it was just like, I don't even know how to describe it. It had a texture to it. Was it like flannel? Yes, we had that too. And at the bottom they were like tassels. And it was blue and it had

like a wavy line across it. What ever happened to those? I don't know. Because that was all Nana had. She had that and underneath you had like a couple of super thick blankets in winter and then winter sheets on. And that was it. And then summer you lost the sheet. You lost the blankets.

And you got a thinner summer sheet. But that thing was a year round. That was good. You need one of those. And you'd freeze to death in winter. Even with a couple of blankets. You'd double down with blankets on it. But what were those called?

They must have had a name. Coverlet or something. See, I want something like that. This is real first world problems. And I'm just like, we don't have a name for that here in New Zealand, do we? I'm sure there is a name.

I don't want a duvet. Because I've got a duvet already. And you don't want a patterned one. No. And you don't want a black one. Because your cat fur shows up on black very easily, doesn't it? So what? It is.

It's called a coverlet, you egg. A coverlet? Yeah, if you want to go searching for a coverlet. Because all the ones I've Googled are like, oh, nannies use them. Yeah, they kind of do. But there should be like a cool. A comforter. I'm down for this.

This looks shit hot. I want a coverlet. This is literally what we've been discussing. Your Sade would be I want a coverlet. This is literally what we've been discussing. Sade would be all over a coverlet. She'd be all about a coverlet. All over a coverlet. Oh, yes. Didn't we have the same duvet cover for a while?

That was a good duvet cover. That was a good duvet cover, yeah. And now we've gone for a salmony. We went pink. After the grey, we went pink. I'm surprised you were down for a salmon. Me? Oh, I'm very progressive when it comes to that.

Okay. Well, I mean, we've dealt with that. You know who's got a coverlet? Bed, Bath & Beyond. No, look at them. They're nanocolours. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's very nanopatterned.

This is my other problem is he's like, I want a dark colour. And I was like, well, here's a black one. You're like, not black. I want like a charcoal or a dark. Yeah, I don't know. But what about if we went to Bed,ath and Beyond and went into the Beyond section? They don't tell you what's in there.

It might be exactly what you're after. It's just a storeroom with all the other bed and bath stuff, to be honest, Vaughn. And there's probably like a jug for the stuff. I wonder why they keep saying you can't go back there. But this is the Beyond part, isn't it? They're like, no, no, Beyond is in the store. I'm like, we're in the store. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan.

The podcast. At the weekend, I went and saw Star Is Born. I won't because Fletch still hasn't seen it. Did you cry? No. Oh. Everyone said they're crying. I know, but I kind of wouldn't expect you to cry.

The closest I came to crying was when they first sung together. I don't know why that was emotionally. Special. Yeah, right. It was a bit special. Because did Caitlin, have you seen it, Caitlin? Did you cry? Because you cried everything.

I know. I cry in the weirdest, like I cry in ads on television, but I didn't cry in it. Oh, because you know that ad will come on soon with that old man. With the fan. What? Is that a Christmas ad? Old man with the fan.

Oh, the Christmas man. See? Who's going to get us this year? What product is going to... What was that even for? Paper towels? Oh, was that farmers it might have been? I don't know.

I can't remember. Yeah, I think it was farmers actually. Were they advertising a fan? No, but the old man got the fan, remember, for the family because they couldn't afford one. Yeah, but he made it look

like it was his old fan and he was just like I don't do this anymore because he didn't want to look too caring. But then the kid cottoned on. But you didn't cry Sarah was born.

No, no, no. I didn't cry. I did almost cry before that I had some barbecue chicken wings and I tell you. What is wrong with you? You've eaten food so good you're like No.

And you get a bit like That movie is just emotional. I know and it's an emotional movie but it was just an emotional walk down memory lane that night because Sade and I was just in Hamilton. We're both from the Waikato area. We met at the Outback in Hamilton.

And we went back. I remember that night. I remember the night fondly. Do you? You were there. What a night. Yeah, we were doing a bar promo. Yeah.

Did he say, hang on, I'm going to ask Fletch about this night. Did he say anything to you about Sade on the night? Was he like, oh, there's this babe over there. Do you remember what? Yeah, yeah. What did you say to him? Oh, no, I don't think I said anything to him. Did you like split him?

We just met. She was working for Expo Gold Girl. And when you met her, were you like, oh dear. I was like, whoo, What we got going on here? And I was like, good luck with that, Smitty. We went past her old flat at one stage. I was like, I can't believe that thing hasn't been condemned.

She's like, very surprising. And then we laughed about how terrible my lovemaking was. It was pretty good. I don't know, Megan. I don't know Megan I don't know But let's not question it too much Because when you start to question it She might cotton on

But she can still do better Even one of your best mates Was like good luck with that smoothie Right from the get go I just thought you were batting a little bit I was like I still am I was like

She's done some good renos You've blossomed though You've blossomed But let's remember what Vaughn looked like then Oh real He was a door-upper He was a grey little She's done some good renos. You've blossomed though. You've blossomed. But let's remember what Vaughan looked like then. Oh, real. He was a door-upper. He was a Grey Lynn. I was that place in Grey Lynn that sold for $1.2 million last week.

And had weeds growing through the floor. Yeah, yeah. I wasn't selling for $1.2 million. I was free to a good home. One of those $1 auctions. But we went back and this is how much things have changed in the 14 years since we met. I was like, it was early.

I think it was like seven walking past the Outback. I was like, oh, they're not even open. Because I'm old now and I see everything to be open. Bloody the sun, when the sun's about to go down. And I was looking through the window, doing that old thing that old people do where they look through a window because it's light outside and dark inside. And you're like, oh, it's changed.

Oh, it's changed. Oh, it's changed. They've pushed the wall. Right out in the sky. I was like, are you alright? I was like, oh, I'm just having a look. My wife and I met here. This is like some 70-year-old shit I'm pulling. Oh, my wife, do you want to come in? And I was like, no, no, I won't bother you. I can see from here.

And I said, should I actually do you want to go in? She's like, no, you're stuck under the window. What are you doing? Then you will be getting a tour of like a function facility when it's closed. Yeah. Like an old person. I remember this place and I remember it all around here. But yeah, no, it's all changed.

It was a real. I think you need a plaque on the wall, to be honest. Yeah. Because that's an achievement. Mention how many people have met there. There'd be a few plaques. There'd be a few babies too from the disabled toilets. Yeah, the disabled toilets were a hot spot in the early 2000s.

Oh, yuck. Like literally a hot spot. If you had one of those thermoscopes, it would have been a hot spot. Was it a hot spot for you? No. God, no. God, one could only drain. I'm finding someone whose standards were low enough to have sex in the Outback disabled toilets.

Well, it was all fun and games of the weekend at the Halloween dress-up party where you were... Chippet. God, I love this photo. Whose cat is it? Karl Lagerfeld's. Karl Lagerfeld's cat. So Mr Toyboy went as Karl Lagerfeld

and you went as his cat. Chippet. What does Chippet mean? I think it's like a pet name. So I think it means like there's different ones like twinkles or snuggles or something like that. You both looked very into this considering you are never into costume dress ups. It took me like over an hour to do my makeup. It was quite an undertaking.

You did really well. You nailed it though. Thanks. Did really well. Did everyone hear that? I liked when you did your cello tape up your eye. Was that to get the line? Yeah.

Right, yeah, because I was like, what's she put cello? I thought you were going to pull your eyes up so you know how you hit like cat-shaped eyes. Yeah, nah. Tape up behind your ear. That would have been quite good. Yeah. Yeah. So it was a good night.

There was lots of epic costumes. It's good when you like make an effort and then everyone makes an effort at the party. There was like a, is it a stormtrooper? The white. Yeah, I saw that one. It's good when you like make an effort and then everyone makes an effort at the party. There was like a, is it a stormtrooper? The white. Yeah, I saw that one. That's good. There was a blow up T-Rex

that literally took up the whole house and committed to it the whole night. Okay. There was lots of awesome costumes. But now it's not fun

and games, is it? Because you're covered in blistery, welt looking pimple things. You can see it from where you, don't say pimple. It's not a pimple. It looks horrific though. You can see it from where you... Don't say pimple. It's not a pimple.

It looks horrific, though. You can see it from where you are, right? Oh, before, in the right light, I could see the exact line where the necklace had sat. There was, like, a hard line. I wore a chain because I was a cat, and it was, like, my collar, my kitty cat collar. Kinky.

Yeah. Except now, like, two days later, I'm literally, like I've got a line where the necklace sat covered in welts because I'm like allergic to, I think it's nickel. You know, like if it's not proper silver, because it's not proper silver because it's a real thick chain. Yeah, right.

And who can afford that kind of business? So now I've got big thick welts around my neck. So if you see me, please don't comment on my welts. What happens here? What causes this? I don't have, I'm lucky please don't comment on what um what what what what happens here what what causes us i don't have i'm i'm lucky i don't have sensitive skin i've got leathery old skin i'd make a great purse but i literally wore that necklace for maybe like four or five hours and that's what i've got that's okay that's that's the outcome yeah so if i wear jeans you know those

little studs on your jeans i've spoken about this It'd give me little dot rashes on my bum. With nail polish, yeah. That's so crazy. But yeah, all fun and games, but now I've got myself one. This is why I don't do dress-ups. You can do non-nickel based dress-ups. I don't think I've ever... But if anyone's got...

I've got Bepanthen on my skin at the moment. That's why I'm shining. That's Nappy Cream. Is it, I've got Bepanthen on my skin at the moment. That's why I'm shining. That's Nappy Cream. Is it? I've got Nappy Rash. Yeah, that's what you put on a baby's bum when it's got Nappy Rash. Where's the Bepanthen? The baby's got a rash. Yeah.

Okay. Okay. So that's why you covered it in the well. Thanks for pointing that out. It's not allergic though, eh? Because it just looks like some kind of like contagious, like if there was a movie about a contagious skin disease, that looks like it.

Thank you. That's wonderful, Fletch. You skin disease, that looks like it. Thank you. That's wonderful, Fletch. You made me feel really great about it. You look like the start of the end of humanity. That's your costume for the rest of Halloween. Ratchet, patient, zero. Hey, look, it's my Halloween costume. And the worst thing is every time you see someone,

you go, hi, and they're like, oh. What's wrong? That'll be their reaction all day today. Yeah. Good time. Well, if you can just not itch it and touch door handles and stuff. It's not contagious. We don't know that. Do we know that?

Do we know that? That sounds like what someone would say just before they ended humanity. Mosh Monday. Moosh Monday are the part of the show where we go back to someone's normally teenage emotional years. Go on. Song that triggers an emotional memory for you. Yes. Joining us this morning, Holly, good morning.

Hi. Hi. How old were you when this song was your emotional song? So I was 17. Oh, an emotional time. Emotional time. Yeah. Okay.

So tell us why this song has become so emotional to you. So, you know, when you're 17 and you like a boy and you just really fall hard for them? Yeah. Well, I did. I felt really hard for this boy and unfortunately he had a girlfriend. Oh, no.

Forbidden love. That was a bit upsetting, yeah. So one of my other friends said to me, oh, this song, it just reminds me so much of you and this boy. And so I used to go home and just listen to it on repeat and cry and be so upset that I couldn't be his girlfriend. Wait, did he even know you felt this way? No, he didn't.

So had you even, like, did you try to kind of spark up some conversation and he said, no, I've got a girlfriend? No. So a little while later, that did kind of happen. And we got to share a bit of a kiss, which was the highlight of my teenage years. Wait. When he had a girlfriend? Possibly.

You're the other woman. And then that made it even worse because you couldn't have him again. Yeah, he didn't want me, so it was very upsetting. Have you done a wee Facebook stalk on where he is now? Yes, I have. He's got a lovely girlfriend who I know, so I'm happy for them. So you're not interested anymore? No, no, not anymore.

Have you got your own boyfriend now? No, I'm actually single, but I'm happy. I'm happy and single. Okay. If you heard this song again, when we play it now, is it going to bring back the memories? Yeah, I still listen to it on repeat because I love it anyway. All right, well, Holly, we want you to introduce

your Mosh Monday song for us. Okay, so today's Mosh Monday song is Hate That I Love You by Rihanna. Oh, good one. Oh, yeah. All right, Holly's Mosh Monday. I'll sit in. Hey, hey. There's so much I love you.

Yeah. No. There's so much I need you And I can't stand you Must everything you do Make me wanna smile Can I not like you for a while? No, but you won't let me

You upset me, girl And then you kiss my lips All of a sudden I forget that I was upset Can't remember what you did But I hate it You know exactly what to do So that I can't stay mad at you For too long, that's wrong But I hate it You know exactly how to touch So that I don't wanna

Fuss and fight no more Said I despise Yet I adore you And I hate how much I love you more I can't stand How much I need you I need you

And I hate how much I love you But I just can't let you go And I hate that I love you so And I hate that I love you so If you've got a song that is emotional for you from your maybe early teenage years or a time in your life where, I don't know, it's your go-to song, send us a message, FVMZM,

and you can be next Monday's Mosh Monday. I had, I guess this is a little bit mosh. Okay. I had a dream crushed. Yeah. Crushed. Right. Crushed. Right in front of me. The other day, in my garage, I've got little avocado stones.

I've seen those. In water. I saw those on your- Because I want them to sprout into trees. With little toothpicks and you dip the bum in the water. Yeah, because we're moving. So we're moving to a place where there's going to be like a little wee area to plant some trees. Okay.

And I'm like, I'm going to plant avocado trees. Yeah. These are V. So the idea. Take over the world. The idea is that the avocado stone in the water sprouts. Yeah, it's a little root. Yeah.

So it cracks. First it cracks, then a little bit right in the middle of the avocado seed. Yeah. Sends down roots. Yeah. They. And then up she goes. You get a little shoot at the top. And you've got free avocados. Yeah. And you let, and then up she goes.

You get a little shoot at the top. And you've got free avocados. Yeah. And you let it grow for a little bit. You transfer it

to a pot plant. You keep it going and apparently it thrives before it goes out. So now, this happened accidentally at my house. I just chucked an avocado

stone in the compost heap and it sprouted and I was like, what is this little sprout coming out of the top? So I took it out and I put it in the garden and it's quite a large tree now. It'd be like 10 foot tall.

Have you got avocados? No avocados, but they say it can take up to seven years for avocado trees to... And how old is that tree now? I'd say it's three years old. Right. It's quite a, it's a beautiful, healthy tree. Anyway, I'm not going to take him. Yep.

Because that's a him. I'm going to take him because that's, I know minimal about avocado trees. You need a male and a healthy tree. Anyway, I'm not going to take him. Yep. Because that's a him. I'm going to take him because I know minimal about avocado trees. You need a male and a female tree. Oh, yeah, to make babies. How do you tell the difference? I don't know. One's got a little penis.

No, have you ever cut them out? It's got a little knob on it. What? The male one. The stone. The stone? Yeah. It does have a knob on it.

You know the little stone heads? But are you saying there's knobless ones? Yeah, they're the females. They have a male, aren't you? Okay. Yes, I am. They're all the same. So I knew that that was the situation.

There needed to be an avocado tree within Kui that was the opposite gender. But then when I put up the video the other day because it was just this funny little situation of an ant had gone out onto the avocado stone and died there and then another ant had come and got his body, but the other ant had picked up this dead ant and he was walking around like, jeez, how do I get off? How do I get off this bloody avocado stone? Did you help them off?

Nah, I just watched them. He got off in the end, but then he literally walked to the end and just chucked his mate's dead body and went back to the avocado stone. Like he's like, yuck, not on the avocado stone. Like he's like yuck! Not on my avocado stone. Oh okay so he wasn't. He was sending a message back like what is that? Are they toffee apples? What are you growing there? And I said oh it's

avocado stones. And then I was just inundated with people saying you're wasting your time because if you can get it to sprout like one in twenty will actually fruit take up to fifteen years like one in 20 will actually fruit. They take up to 15 years. People were just on my dream, raining on the parade.

I'm like, what? Like I've got the old guy out the back. These guys have been investing weeks into waiting them to drop root and sprout up and get all the avocado orchard in my brain. See, already this time that you're putting in is money. And I know avocados are expensive, but still. Did you Google it?

Save your time. Never trust the opinions of strangers. Now, when I Googled it and they were right, it turns out, people were replying to me saying, no, that's not true. We just chucked one in the garden and it took three years and it started fruiting. So that's like miracle stuff according to the internet. Right.

How very rarely does that happen? Okay. So now I'm all like, what do I do? So are you still going to take your mate in the garden? I don't know. I don't want to spend all the time digging him out and putting him in a big pot and taking him with us if he's never going to do anything with his life.

And then what if you drove past your old house in future and it has avocados? And I've played in it with gold because of all the avocados that grow in the tree that I planted. Just sure. I don't, I just, I, and I just felt like I'm so far down this track. And I've played in it with gold because of all the avocados that grow on the tree that I planted. Sure. I just felt like I'm so far down this track. You actually feel quite upset, don't you? And I've just had my dreams crushed.

Yeah. And now apparently there's a waiting list to get actual grafted avocado trees that you can guarantee will fruit. There's a waiting list. Well, that's why they're so expensive. Fruit avocado tree? Yeah. Ugh. That's stupid.'re so expensive. For an avocado tree. Yeah. Ugh. That's stupid.

Just buy them. You understand that somebody has to grow them for you to buy them, right? Yeah, but not you. This already is taking too much. But if I grow them, you can have free or discounted avocados. I can't imagine we're going to. But my dreams just. This is why I say kids don't have dreams.

Don't try. Don't have goals If you try you can fail If you coast no one can stop you If you run out of petrol you can still coast Downhill Then when you get to the bottom you're like too hard And you die there

Right That's how life is This is why you don't do motivational speaking Not anymore Didn't go well No Didn't go well Have you ever had a dream crush when you've been down the track?

Oh, I haven't. My brother has. So my brother always wanted to be an electrician. Like, he used to talk about it all the time. And then he got an apprenticeship and we're like, good on you. You know, studied. And then he got a job and we're like, this is amazing. You know, you've worked hard for your dream.

And then he found out he was colourblind when he got electrocuted. So he doesn't do that anymore. R.I.P. The third Salas brother that we never hear about. He's not an electrician because reds and greens are his problem. That's a big one. But how did he not know prior to that? Well, I guess

it's not until someone goes, because we were having a cup of tea and he asked why my cup of tea was orange. I was like, we've got a problem here. It's not until some people get tested. Were you having a herbal tea? No, it was a normal brown cup of tea, but he thought it was bright orange. So people have like reds and browns is most common.

And it's not until you get tested that they would realise that there was a problem with the colours they were seeing. So he just sat quietly through his apprenticeship and everything while people were like, cut that blue wire, cut that red wire. He's like, cut. Which one? I know which is red, but just point to it just in case. Oh, my God.

That would make a great plot for a movie. A colorblind bomb disposal expert. And it's all just 50-50. It's just an insane amount of tense. Yeah. Candy lives to fight another day. I love it. Hooray.

So, yeah, I mean, that's another dream crushed. A little bit down the line. Right. And we want to hear about your crushed dreams this morning. What, to make you feel better? Yeah, well, I mean, make everybody feel better. Yeah. I mean, I only wasted literally filling up these little puddles with water

every now and then for like a month. Right, okay. But, alright, well, I mean, I didn't snip some wires and get electrocuted

to find out it wasn't me. 0800-DARLS-AT-M 9696, when have you had your dreams crushed? Have you always wanted to be something or do something?

Or it was a hobby you got really into and then realised you're just shit? Should be better by this point now. Give us a call. 0800-9666. We're talking about when you've had your dreams crushed.

Like Bourne's dreams of having an avocado tree. Yeah. For avocados. So the kids could be like, Dad, can we have guacamole? And I'd say, wait right there. That's your dream in life. Pop out in the tree.

Straight off the tree, back inside. Guess what, kids? Perfect. But you know there's not ripe avos on the tree all year round. No, no. I'd probably pull it, go out there and be like, hard as a rock. I don't want kids. I want to just get out of the supermarket.

But yeah, I've been told that the stones I'm growing have only a very slight chance of ever having avocados on them. And didn't people let you know? I know, they loved crushing it. But you know, I got the dream boosters of people who are like,

never give up. Don't let the haters tell that. You don't know that yours won't be the one in 20 that fruits? Yeah, plant 25. And I was like, that's nuts that. You don't know that yours won't be the one in 20 that fruits? Yeah, plant 25. I was like, that's nuts though. You're talking absolute rubbish now. Rochelle, when did you have your dreams crushed?

I had my dreams crushed when my mum said that supermarket eggs would hatch. So, I was probably about nine and I spent about a month trying to warm up supermarket eggs underneath the lights. Your mum has a great sense of humour.

Yep, yep. So she kept me entertained for a while, that's for sure. Right. And so what happened when you were just watching these eggs and nothing happened? I just decided that none of them were fertile. So, yeah, I just gave up. But my mum never told me. That would have been fairly aromatic by the end of that month under a heat lamp, I would have imagined.

Luckily, I didn't break any, that's for sure. Right, so you were keeping them warm with a heat lamp? Yeah, and in the hot water cupboard as well. So your mum never actually told you that they weren't going to hatch? No, never. Brilliant. I like your mum. That's for sure.

She sounds funny. Hayley, when were your dreams crushed? So I used to be a zookeeper. Yeah. And I was on a casual basis and I fell in the enclosure and broke my shoulder. Oh, an enclosure. An enclosure for what animal? A deep one. It was a bird enclosure. Oh, an enclosure. An enclosure for what animal? A deep one.

No, it was a bird enclosure. Oh, okay. It wasn't too exciting. I was going to say, you wouldn't want to fall in like a lion enclosure. No. No, but at least the death would be quicker in a lion enclosure. You fall, paralyze yourself in a bird enclosure,

they'll pick you and you'll feel everything. Yeah, true. You'll be able to find them all. When you're in the lion enclosure they close their lines away so you'll free the room oh right okay it's all safe um yeah so i broke my shoulder and then um had to be off like i think it was about three months yeah um to have it heal and everything and then couldn't get back into it because being on a casual basis, all the hours were taken. And that took about 10 months to wait to see if I could get a job. And I just, in the end, had to chuck it in and get a paying job,

which was retail. So I'm in retail now. Oh, so it's actually heartbreaking. Very much so. Is it like a cutthroat industry, the old zookeeper? Yes. Well, you think there's not many. No. So once you get into a full-roat industry, the old zookeeper. Yes. Well, you think there's not many. No.

So once you get into a full-time role, you're basically there until you retire because it's such an awesome job. And not many people leave it. So unless they get transferred to another zoo. But yeah, it's quite sad. Oh, okay, Hayley. Thanks for your call.

Some other text messages in. Somebody said, I went to a dental surgeon at 14 to get my smile sorted out. Yeah. The teeth were a bit all over the show. And he talked to my mum just outside the room, but I could hear it.

And he said, we could fix it. It'll be expensive and there's probably no point. It's not like she's going to be a model. Oh! Ow! Ow! Crushed. But from the crush be a model. Crushed. But from the crush, a little plant was born.

And I did my first fashion week. I did walk at a fashion week. So there you go. You showed him. The dentist would say, don't eat that. There's too much sugar in it. Somebody said, I always wanted to play the guitar. I started to try.

I realised my hands are too small to cover everything all at once. So dream crushed. And I tell you what, short people are having their dreams crushed left, right and centre. I wanted to be a helicopter pilot. I got told by an Air Force recruiter I needed to be at least five foot five in height. I'm five foot. That was 22 years ago. I still haven't grown.

Dream. Oh, crushed. Crushed. Here's another short person who wanted to be a baker. I was talking to a friend who had worked as a baker and told him my dream, and he said, oh, Hobbit, the benches are too tall for you, little small fella. Dream's crushed.

I felt personally attacked for years. Oh, you can surely get a baking job somewhere where the benches are lower. Oh, I was going to ask you. You're about to say get a box to stand on. Or that. Boxes. Or a sack of flour. Yeah, or stilts. Stilts. Yeah, that's what I was going to ask you. You're about to say get a box to stand on. Or that. Boxes. Or a sack of flour. Yeah.

Or stilts. Stilts. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. I wanted to be a racehorse jockey when I was a kid. My grandmother told me I was too fat. Oh, grands don't hold back with that stuff, do they? No, they've been alive for too long for pleasantries anymore. They'll tell you how it is.

Some other text messages in. I grew up wanting to be a vet. I used to bring home all sorts of animals for my parents until one day I went to my friend's house who had three cats and I was deathly allergic to cats. And, of course, they're the main of your domestic vet. They're your bread and butter. And so that was it.

Dream crushed. Couldn't be a vet. People can have multiple dreams. Move on to a different one is this putting your um avocado failure into perspective because there's some actual heartbreaking crushes here um no it's not because like these people could still have avocado trees lush oh yeah yeah right full and thick with delicious green avocados Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about squids.

Squids. Female squids. The ceph of the cephopod. You call multiple squids? No, it's just squid, isn't it? It's just squid, isn't it? Female squid. Female squids. Squids. you call multiple squids? No, it's just squid, isn't it? It's just squid, isn't it? Female squid. Female squids.

Squids. Did I say squids? Yeah, you said squids. I was like, that sounds weird. Like a sheep. Yeah. For one or many. Yeah, for one or many.

Squid. Okay, that's about female squid. You remember one of our favourite facts of the day is about the female dragonfly who will fake her own death. That is my favourite ever. To get males, like, she'll literally be flying and he'll be like, hey baby. And she's like,

just like, fakes her death. Death spiral and then just before the ground, wings come out, land on the ground and then just be like, I'm dead. I'm dead. I can say goodbye. And then the male flies away. Whoa, I don't want to be stung with anything here.

And off he goes. And then she's like, phew, he's gone right back to it. Well, this is along those lines from female squid. If they are uninterested in a male making an approach, they will make it look like they've got testicles. Sorry, what? the male unless it's a gay octopus and then it's backfired

squid gay squid sorry gay squid no no no but the gayest squid gay squid wouldn't be making the approach to something he thought

was a female in the first place yes no nobody sees the testicles no no no no so she brings all the testicles oh right, no, no, no, no. So she sees him coming. Oh, right. He's like, hey, baby.

And she's like, oh, not again. And he's coming over and she's like, hey, what's up, man? And then, so the way they tell us there's this white stripe that indicates the testes are under the skin of the squid. Like an arrow. Yeah, like a little car park. Oh, I just Googled it. And they can use the ink that they use for camouflage and everything

to go and make it look like they've got testes under the male reproductive gland, under the skin, so the male will be like, oh, sorry, dude. Come over there, you look like a woman. She's like, no problem, bro. Something happens all the time. Just from an angle, I guess, you know. Complimentary in a way.

And he's like, all right, see you later. Bye. Swims away. And she's like, I'm going to look at her. Thank goodness this defense mechanism makes it look like I'm gonna look at her thank goodness this defence mechanism makes it look like I've got balls in my head

even though they're not balls our testes are balls that's a line yeah but theirs aren't these are just this glint

under the skin yeah it makes it look like a great defence mechanism to be like not in the mirror right so there are no gay squid

are there are no gay squid? Uh, there are. Oh, you're already on Google? Great. Thank you very much. I'm sure there are. What? I don't know.

This is going to take a while. Oh, what about it would be like, hey, baby. And the female squid's like, hey, man. And he's like, oh, I'm actually bisquidual. I couldn't get that out of me. Guy squid, girl squid. Bisquidual. I'll also do an octopus with a push. I've found an answer.

Of course you would. Why not? Okay. If I was a squid, I think I'd prefer an octopus. Hot. Similar but different, you would. Why not? Yeah, I was going to say that. If I was a squid, I think I'd prefer an octopus. Hot. Similar but different, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the giant squid partakes in gay sex from time to time.

Oh, try saying no to a giant squid. You could have sex with your boat if it wanted and you could do nothing. That team's tough. Imagine that mounting you. But the deep sea squid has... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Stop, stop, stop. Stop it.

I'm a giant. The deep sea squid has been found to have lots of gay sex. There you go. It's because it's so far down. I can't tell. It's dark in the deep sea. What do you reckon?

Hey, I've got the tasty mark. It's deep down here. I don't care. It ain't a sin if it's happening in the dark. The deep, dark parts of the ocean. I don't know why I got this accent, y'all. This weird, like, southern Central American Cajun accent,

boy. Girl, I don't care. I blame the BP oil spill. It did some crazy things to the ocean down these here ways in Louisiana. Just stop and feel what you're doing right now.

This is an intense amount of fun. Hey, what's going on over here? I was just blaming the big baby well for the weird sexual antics they say squid. That also explains our accents somewhat. Sure does.

Can I leave? You can leave whenever you want. Just swim towards the light. We won't do it if we can see it. I'm done. I'm out. Today's fact of the day is that if female squids aren't interested

in male squids, they'll make it look like they've got testes. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day, day, day. There's been a study done. This was overseas, so not in New Zealand, but still I think we can apply it here if it means that it gives us something to talk about on the radio.

The Society for Consumer Psychology Journal did a study. I love all the psychology behind shopping. Behind shopping, yeah. And how they set up stores and all that. I thought you were going to say, I love this journal. I've never heard of it. No. So they were studying the subtle forms of prejudice that are still active

because you're not allowed to. I mean, I'd hate to be in retail. Imagine someone comes in and they're like um after a dress and you're like um size you fill in the yeah size like i know because someone said that to me once so like do you want a large i was like i'm a medium ouch yeah exactly bitch yeah yeah so uh this was this happened they got an actress and she went shopping. The things that she was shopping for that they use as examples was wristwatches. Yeah.

And perfume products. Okay. So she went and went in as herself. Yeah. They use a height at 150 centimetres and 46 kgs. So it's quite slender. Quite slender. Small and slender.

Yeah. And she went around and they recommended some products to her. She's like, that's great. So she did this to all these different places. Then she got in a fat suit. Okay. To make her appear much larger, went back to the same, and makeup and stuff, went back to the same place

with the same requests, same price range, same, like smells that you've had previously that you liked. Yeah. And there were an overwhelming amount of people that were working in retail when she went back in the fat suit, recommended round products versus she was recommended slim products when she went in skinny. So like perfume, for example, rather than a long slender bottle,

she was offered more like this one I'm holding in my hands, Britney Spears Fantasy, which is a perfectly round bottle with a flat bottom on it. We use that in studio to neutralise farts. It is actually. If you're wondering why we have. Fart neutraliser is what it's labelled as. So they weren't doing this on purpose.

They weren't doing it on purpose because they were asked later. Okay. And they were like, oh, no, not at all. Heck no. And like with watches, rather than being a nice slender watch face, they'd recommend a big round one. So they're just looking, okay, you're quite round.

Here's a round product. Round and round and round. Yeah. Subliminally. Yeah, but then you're like slim person, slim bottle. Oh, my God. They say, yeah, the people know, and they say it's not that they were doing it on purpose.

Next time I go to a department store and they like offer me something that's quite round, I'm going to be like, excuse me. Excuse me, Pash. I'm just after a frying pan. Oh yeah, we've got this round one. How dare you? I'm just after a clock.

Oh yeah, we've got this round one. How dare you? Hi there. I'm just looking to clock How dare you Hi there I'm just looking to buy a beach ball Hiya we've got these nice big How dare you Shopping is so hard Everyone needs some food Yeah so

Well now you know Now that I've said it out loud Was it better that people didn't know I think so yeah Examining everything That's suggested by From now on Better to live in

Ignorant bliss FM We're no strangers to Rat beef There's been many Over the years in fact There's Cardi B and Nicki Minaj at the moment

Don't forget my beef That I've got with Who's that guy I've got a beef with Dizzy Rascal Dizzy Rascal We don't talk anymore After he threw it in

To stab me You deserve I mean you don't talk anymore. After he threw it in to stab me. You deserve, I mean, you don't deserve to be stabbed. Nobody deserves to be stabbed. You deserved his sass that he gave you. I asked a question and he took it the wrong way. What was your stupid question? Well, he's been stabbed four times. In fact, it's bookended in the day, Dizzy Rascal, because he's got beef with Clint.

Because he said something about being an Australian and Clint called him out about being in New Zealand. Yeah, he's got an attitude problem. Not Clint. Dizzy Rascal. Yeah, this is why I'm still going to beef. Dizzy Rascal has an attitude problem. He's got an attitude problem.

And then you've got the Machine Gun Kelly M&M. Yep. Beef. I know what it's like. I'm just saying, I know what it's like to be involved in the rap world, beef. Megan, it is, yeah, it's hard. Sometimes it's funny.

We should never encourage violence. No. But, you know, like throwing a shoe is violent. Yeah. Funny, but violent. But this latest effort is just really funny. Petty, not violent, but funny. I think this is quite funny.

So since 1999, and no one's really sure why they have beef at but 50 Cent and Ja Rule are beefing and have been for years. Is it about are they beefing over who's more relevant? It's because 50 Cent is always late for events, but Ja Rule is always on time. And then when you ring

50 Cent, he doesn't answer, but when you call Ja Rule, I'll be there when you call. Is that the one Ja Rule song you know? Always on time. That's it. You're out of Ja Rule songs? Okay.

I'm going to Google some more. Okay. So the latest is 50 Cent. Ja Rule had a concert. Yeah. I know, right? He was performing at a concert and people went. But 50 Cent, decided

that he would buy the 200 tickets of the front row so that when Ja Rule performed he could only see empty seats. It's real. There's a photo of it and it's real sad. 200 front row seats. It cost him a

front rows. So yeah, how many is that? One, two, three, four, five, That's real sad. 200 front row seats. It cost him a famous- It's for the front rows. Front rows. So yeah, how many is that? One, two, three, four, five, around five or six rows. Empty. Wow. And then 50 Cent photoshopped himself in the front row. When the photo got out.

Shit, that's funny. And then he posted it with the photoshopped picture and 50 Cent said, what a show. Which is great. If you've ever been on stage, you've got all the lights at you. You really don't see past the stage or the front row, do you? So that would have been

like performing to no one. He spent almost five grand. So Ja Rule still got the money. He bought the tickets, but just when he performed, there was no one in the front row. That is quite funny, but also really petty.

So petty. Like that's something your mum would say you Bryce stop being so bloody stupid. But if you had the money to do that with someone you were

beefing with. That would be hilarious. I've never thought about getting mums to sort out rat beefs. Like if mum had banged bloody Tupac and Biggie's heads together

because my mum was a tyrant in the 90s. She was the only one with teenage boys. She'd bang your heads together. Yeah. Because she always used to was dealing with teenage boys. She'd bang your heads together. Yeah, because she always used to say, if you don't stop it, I'll bang your heads together. And we were like, empty threat, empty threat.

Did you say what about a trauma mum? Bang, just cracked our heads together. Come here, come here. Now look at your brother. And we looked at each other and she was just like, bang. I was like, ah, she did it. She really did it. Can you imagine your mum telling off 30 Cent?

He would cower in the corner She'd have him sorted out Yeah I don't think she'd find him daunting And he'd eat all his vegetables And then he'd be rewarded with ice cream Just what rappers need Christine sorting out A crock pot and some ice cream if you're a good boy