ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - September 04 2018

Episode Date: September 3, 2018

Fletch and Vaughan made their own version of Andrew's 'Magical' music video, It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas and what did you bring home from holiday?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Coming up soon in the top six, we are going to be touching on the top six features of the Richie McCaw bronze statue. Oh, well, I imagine it would have a good big build. Because, you know, he's a bit of a unit, isn't he?

Crucial. Yeah, crucial. Crucial that it's representative of Richie to scale. Shorty Short. I saw the Colin Meads one for the first time in Tika Witte at the weekend. Oh, yeah? Stopped and saw that.

That's a big bit of bronze. How do you do spiky hair in bronze? True. He's got quite spiky hair. He always had. Especially when he got a bit sweaty. He pulled it up didn't he? Look at this. I don't know. I don't know how to carve. Do you carve

bronze? What? Thank you. That was a rabbit sneeze. We don't have it in studio. Rabbit. That's just how intern Anya sneezes. Do you carve bronze? What? Thank you. That was a rabbit sneeze. We don't have it in studio. Rabbit, that's just how intern Anya sneezes. Do you carve bronze? I don't know. Mould it? Melt it and then like, I don't know.

I have no idea. We're not sculptors. I'm sure you could YouTube a bronze statue being made. Well, I'm going to now. After this. After we finish talking this very break. I shall. All right, you lot? After we finish talking this very break. I shall. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. Three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan, you have to pick one of the following three. Headline one, woman mistakes parking car for Uber. Headline two, thief steals more than he bargained for. And headline three, store closed after fishy goings on. Man steals more than he bargains for.

Was that a car? Was there something in the car? Yes. A doll? A baby? No. A gum? No. Cocaine? No. Or drugs? No. A baby? No. A gum. A fishies. No. Cocaine. No. Or drugs.

No. A dragon. No. Now you're just getting ridiculous. Gold. Gold bars. Serious things to guess. No gold bars.

Diamonds. No. Oh, diamonds. That would be good. Bargains. No. Because it was more than he bargained for. Monkey.

No. Are you Googling? Yeah. Keep talking, Bourne. Four kids? No. These are all legit stories. We said kids.

And somebody stole it and that was in the car. Should I just tell you? Because you're not going to do this story, are you? No. I just want to know what it was. It was a hearse. Oh, it was a dead body.

Yeah. Why would you steal a hearse? I don'tse. Oh, it was a dead body. Yeah. Why would you steal a hearse? I don't know. I guess... It was a roomy station wagon. Yeah, if you're transporting maybe some long cylindrical things, Megan. Okay.

It'd be perfect. It would be great. Pipes and stuff. Yeah. I want the fishy story. Okay. I want the three. Born where?

Are you on an agreeance? Yes, please. We go now to Kuwait. Ooh. Not often in the news, story time wise. No. It's pretty quiet lately. Yeah. Well, I remember growing up, that was always like.

All you heard about. That was your Afghanistan. Now, wasn't it? Yeah. Back then, as a kid, that was always going on. Isn't there a burger fuel there? I feel there's a burger fuel there. I feel like you're right.

Or is that Iraq or Baghdad? No. One of them. Iran? I'm going to look up. No, not Iran. There's definitely a Burger Fuel somewhere in the Middle East. And I always see it on the tray when I'm scoffing down a burger.

I'm like, that is a weird place for a Burger Fuel. Are you allowed to call it the bastard burger there? I don't know. Some of those countries are still pretty tight on the old language. The mildly annoying burger. Or the child out of wedlock burger. pretty tight on the old language. The mildly annoying burger. Yeah. Or the child out of wedlock burger. Yeah, I was going to say that. Everyone's like, ooh.

Have you Googled Megan? Yeah, but it's just giving me locations in New Zealand. Oh, God. Branch out internationally. Okay. Okay, go on. Well, anyway, a store in Kuwait has reportedly been shut down. And this store that I'm talking about is a fish store, a fish market.

Now, it was reported that its owners were sticking googly eyes on the fish in an attempt to make them fresher. Megan, I'm showing you the photo now. You'll see on the right, it's like an orange, yellowy, yuck eye. The eye dries out probably the quickest of the fish. Yeah.

So they put the little googly there. And so they put the little googly. This is the best story online yesterday. It's so funny. And so they put the little googly eye on, and it makes. They weren't doing it for a joke. They were doing it. They were doing it because people were coming in,

and I guess the yuck eye puts you off because you just see it staring at you. But as soon as you pick up the fish, its eye will go... But would they be like, I'll have that one. So he's like, I'll wrap that up for you. Yeah, then I think... He takes it, picks the eyes out, wraps it up,

gives it to you. And then you get home and you're like, they've gone yellow in that time that it took me to get home. That's weird. Oh, well, I'm at home now. I'll eat it. Yeah, exactly. I'll just get stuck in. So there's not really too much more to the story. That's weird. Oh, well, I'm at home now. I'll eat it. Yeah, exactly. I'll just get stuck in.

So there's not really too much more to the story. Apparently the store has been shut down. I don't know why. It doesn't seem like that's the worst thing you can do to food. Oh, is the fish, like, not okay, though? Well, no, I think it's still for sale and it's fine fish. I think maybe they're just not happy with the tactics here. Maybe they're slightly misleading.

Right. But, yeah, very creative. Burger fields in Iraq, Saudi Arabia, and United Arab Emirates. Why? That's an interesting place to go. I suppose a lot of other markets flooded with burger options. Mm.

Mm. See, but the Middle East, it's a big jump, isn't it? To take your burgers all the way there. We need that one. What's that one? Shake Shack. Shake Shack. God, we need that here in New your burgers all the way there. We need that one. What's that one? Shake, shake, shake. God, we need that here in New Zealand. We really don't.

No, we do. We've got enough. I know we've got enough. We've got enough options for you. Isn't that just real basic? No, no, no, no. You're thinking about In-N-Out Burger. Oh, yeah.

Which is like Better Burger. Right. But Better Burger's better than In-N-Out. In-N-Out's overrated. Don't let anybody's all like, oh my goodness, soon as we touch down in LAX, we're going to go and get In-N-Out burger. Overrated.

You've had Better Burger's. As soon as you get any burger here, everyone's just going to be like, ah. It's like when we got Carl's Jr., everyone's like, oh my God, we need Carl's Jr. Now it's here and it's just like, ah. It's okay. We can still do with more burgers.

You want it because you can't have it. F.E.M. Some developments to the Storytime story, the Kuwaiti fishmongers. Who are using googly eyes. Somebody messaged in, I'm a chef and the way to tell the freshness and quality of fish is by the eye. Ah, right. So if it's yellow and deteriorated, it's probably not go fish. Under the scales of that fish, you might be met with the same.

Right. Mankey eyes, mankey fish. Good lesson. You may not have to endure a hangover for much longer. Fish eyes? No. There's been lots of like home remedies and lots of talk of things to cure hangovers. But this could actually be tried and trusted and is potentially coming to Australia.

So you'd think that we are next. It's called Z-Biotics and this scientist is from Silicon Valley. He has genetically engineered a probiotic drink that will prevent your hangover. So what you do is you take this, it's only a little bottle, it's... Like one of those Yakuts.

One of those yogurty things at the supermarket. Yeah, yeah, Yakut. It's a five mil dose. And you take this Z-biotic before you go drinking. So you just drink it before you go out. But am I going to be out at the club and need to shit myself? Because you know, like those probiot probiotics they get you moving. Yeah, they haven't

said of any side effects but they've tried it. Him and his business partner and their friends and people in San Francisco have been trying it for a long time and they have

not experienced a hangover. Are there any medical or any actual scientific studies? He is a scientist and he says it seems crazy to me

that we've gone this long with hangovers and there's no scientific solution so I wanted to find one. So he said drinking alcohol produces this toxin that I can't pronounce

which causes the hangover. Right. So we modified the bacteria in this Japanese superfood called natto. Right. And that created a new strain of probiotics,

which literally breaks down the toxin in the stomach. So if you put the bacteria in the stomach and then add the toxin, yeah, then they just chilled up. Do you think you could mix, if you were drinking, would it help your hangover or give you less than one if you mix vodka with kombucha? Like a nice kombucha? Not really. You're going to worry about shitting yourself a minute ago. And now you're mixing vodka with, you know, like kombucha? Like a nice kombucha? Not really.

You were worried about shitting yourself a minute ago. And now you're mixing vodka with kombucha and thinking about a probiotic. Yeah, that's a disaster, isn't it? If you put vodka with a probiotic, would it curdle? No. Well, it wouldn't in your guts. I don't think it would go down well.

I'd be keen to give it a go. What would you mix your kilt with on the outside? No, not that. You wouldn't mix with that. Oh. I'm talking you mix with like a kombucha. And you need a specific type of bacteria to break down this toxin. I don't know if like the other bacteria would just die.

There's at least three types of bacteria. It'd be hard to know which one of those three. There might even be more. You'd have to ask scientists. Pretty sure there's millions of types actually. God, imagine if we found a cure for the hangover before cancer. We don't need any, yeah. Priorities, eh?

Put that back to front of me. A little bit. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello. Today's Top Six is about the little town of Kuro. We sat here for ages scratching our heads. Is Kuro a Maori word? Or where does it come from? Well,

its origins are anglicised. Is that the word? The nearby mountain, Te Kururau. Apparently somebody just gave it a shot back in the day and got it wrong but stuck it.

Kura, you know. Kura, like the day and got it wrong but stuck it. Ker-ow. Ker-ow. It's good enough. Ker-ow, you know. Ker-ow like the mountain. Not really, but okay. Sweet. So the people of Ker-ow are looking to raise funds for a Richard McCaw statue. $175,000 is their aim on the Give a Little page. Is that how much a statue is? I don't know.

I guess with all the consents and everything, it would start to add up, right? I guess it takes a long time to make a statue, too. You want to be paid for it, don't you? So the statue itself, 2.4 metres high with a base at 1 metre high.

So it stands up a little bit. Right. They're very proud of their local lad and they want to make a big bronze statue. Fitting. For the two-time

Rugby World Cup champion. He could helicopter it into place as well. He could helicopter it into place as well. He could lower it onto the thing. That'd be pretty legit if he did that. I mean, he seems far too humble to even want a statue really that way. No, no, no. No, don't make a deal.

No, no, no. So the top six features of the Ritchie McCall statue, if it happens in Kurao, number six, a dent in the head where Quade Cooper dropped the knee into Ritchie's face in 2011. Oh, the nation was outraged. Didn't they get angry? Have we ever really forgiven him for that? No, we remember everyone used to boo him, didn't they?

Yeah, and then his nan. I'm not even sure why we don't like him. I just know we collectively don't like him. I think it started with the knee to the head. Right. And he's Australian. And he never redeemed himself. But then, yeah, his nan was doing the call.

Yes, he is. His nan was running around being like, he's a good boy, leave him alone. And I was like, I can't be angry at him because his nan's doing

his defensive work now. Number five on the list, also from 2011, on the top six features for the Richie McCaw statue. In his hand, mysteriously, two other hands shaking it. It's the three-wayaw statue. In his hand, mysteriously, two other hands

shaking it. It's the three-way handshake. Oh, yeah. One of those hands, the Prime Minister of New Zealand at the time. That's right. Before the word, that was awkward. Yeah. The big hands all in situation. Number four on the list of the top six features for the Richie McCaw

statue is, this is also in bronze. Yeah. Tiny versatile garage. Because man, that guy sold some garages. He did. I'd love to know the exact figures of how well the Richie McCaw versatile garage campaign went. Because you're in competition with your garage.

We only do garage doors at Garage Door. We don't do whole garages. And I believe Versatile do more than just garages. Right. Why don't you branch out and do whole garages And I believe Versatile do more than just garages Right Why don't you branch out and do whole garages? They don't want me for the whole garage I'm not ready to be the whole garage

Does Garridor have a catchy jingle? No, see? No, I don't think so It's Versatile But you can put a Garridor on a Versatile You can put a Garador on anything. Oh, my God. It could be a Richie Vaughn collab.

Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. Richie X Vaughn. I'm pretty sure they'll want their brand names in there, too. Yeah. Number three on the list of the top six features to the Richie McCaw statue is another little bronze edition.

And it's that little fella off the MasterCard ads. Richie! Richie! And he's just in the background frcard ads. Richie! Richie! And he's just in the background frantically waving. Richie! Richie! That's going to add to the statue cost though, isn't it? If we get him done as well. Yeah. Well, this is just maybe if we raise enough money

to go a little bit overboard. Number two on the list of the top six features for the Richie McCaw statue in Kuru. A button that you push that goes there, there, gab, gab it two halves. Full credit to the boys. Like an interactive

tea popper. Yeah. Exhibition. Yeah. Yeah. It's his best off speeches. And the number one feature for the Richard McCall statue, laser eyes. I don't know why, I just think it'd be a nice touch. If at night at a certain time, like, his eyes,

little bronze eyelids flicked back and like a laser show came out and maybe played. On the ground and made patterns. Yeah. That would be so neat.

Yeah. Because what was his movie called? Chasing Great. Yeah. It was on TV the other night. Was it? Okay. If that just played. Yeah, nice. Okay. Through his laser eyes. Okay. Yeah. It was on TV the other night. Was it? Okay. If that just played.

Yeah, nice. Okay. Through his laser eyes. Okay. Sure. That'd be pretty legit. Okay. That is today's top six.

Fletch. Vaughn. And Megan. The podcast. So it turns out the pill alters females' brains and scientists are looking into kind of what's happening here. Because. It's a hormone.

Is that right? Yeah. But having read this, it's kind of not what I thought it was, which is a bit scary. Okay. So in recent years, scientists have realised that the brains of women on the pill look very different to those who are not on the pill.

So women who are not taking the hormones, some regions of their brain may be like typically male. So these behavior increases, like behavior changes. It can have so many physical effects as well. So they're better at mentally rotating objects. So does that mean you can look at something and kind of figure out physically what it would be like on all angles and that kind of thing? That's typically something that men are good at.

Huh. Thanks. I'm just looking at my cup. Yeah, I know. At the other side of that, it's round. You're mentally rotating that too. I can't see it, but I know it's there. Women on certain types of the pill are not as good at coming up with words,

which is something that females are generally pretty good at. Huh. Yeah, speaking from experience, they are pretty good with the words. Pretty good with words. Then there's physical attributes. So women who have been on the pill for a while tend to have deeper voices. Can I go on the pill? Can I start taking some of that?

So these are lots of masculine effects. And scientists are like, what's going on here? Because people have often thought that the pill contains estrogen and progesterone, which are like female hormones, but they don't. No pill contains either of those hormones because they break down too quickly to be practical. So they contain synthetic versions of these hormones,

which is actually made out of progesterones from male hormones. Who knew? Who knew? So these hormones... Is there any other male... What about like hair growth and stuff? Yes.

Well, yeah, that's why a lot of girls go around different pills because you have adverse effects to some rather than others. So yeah, you can get... Like you're a teenage boy going through puberty, you can get like acne, you can get like your voice changes, you can go through many different like characteristics

that are for like a... That's so freaky. Puberty for a guy. That's rough. Yeah. Imagine if that like, and then if they develop a pill for the guys but it's a bit of the opposite effect. So we kind of meet in the middle. That'd be alright. But this hormone that's in, this this hormone that's in,

this male hormone that's in many women's pills is what they use for doping in men sometimes. How crazy is that? In sports doping? In sports doping. Wow, okay. So yeah, it is actually changing our brains to think and act more like men. Yeah.

And physical traits as well. This is good to know going into the Twilight touch season. Yeah. Tuesday nights. You were saying that a mixed team or what, that a women's touch team. Oh, no, no. I was going to say for me.

Oh, yeah. Okay. If I gobble a month's worth of pills in the days leading up to Tuesday touch, it's effectively doping, isn't it? I thought you were worried about- They haven't done urine tests in my leg for a long time. I thought you were worried about the opposition, like doping. I'm getting too strong.

Oh, they might. I might have to take two months worth. Sugar pills included. Don't skip the sugar pills. I don't think we should be recommending that you... No. Dope for your... Let me try it first.

I'll let you know how it goes. Then I can choose whether or not I want to recommend it. I mean, is there any chance you're going to win the social touch tournament? Well, there's every chance now. Right, okay. I'm doping. You're only one player, though. It's a team game.

Imagine if you were using steroids or doping and you still couldn't win. That'd be pretty stink, eh? Look, it's a social thing. You're like, guys, don't tell anybody, but I'm roiding pretty hard going into this year's Twilight Touch tournaments. I'm trying my hardest to cheat. And then you get there and you're still not the fastest. No. At least Lance Armstrong was winning. Yeah.

You know, like, he won so many. Yeah, well, all the Tour de France winners. Yeah. Exactly. It's a huge percentage of them have been, you know, done for some sort of doping of some description. Yeah, you've still got to train when you use the steroids. You can't, like, steroid and sit on your couch. Oh!

Forget it then. No. It's just an expensive waste of time now. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Ooh! It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

Ho, ho, ho, ho! Yeah, it's 111 days away from Christmas and it's starting to show its face. You can expect now we're entering, we're in spring.

Yeah. So you can expect Christmas penetration to really kick it up a gear. We're so close to double digits. Yeah.

We're almost double digits away. Less than two weeks away from double digits. Oh, I'm actually quite excited. Cute. Last time.

only because I'm going on holiday. I'm excited because I'm leaving you all for dust. There's got to be a mathematical formula of how many days that means of work left. Like, X is days till Christmas minus Y, which is weekends. Because you can take those out. Those are a free day.

Yeah. And work it out. It can't be many. That's got to be double digits. So last time we did this, 12.5%. Keep that in mind. Christmas penetration. Last week, Christmas penetration was at 12.5%.

Alex has been in touch saying, just regarding it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, my mum works in a small town pharmacy and has started to receive Christmas stock. This is in a town of around about 2,000 people. Surely this will affect Christmas penetration. Yes, Alex. Yes, it will.

Because pharmacies are starting to get Christmas stock. So, you know, they love getting it up there, but they're not nearly as bad as department stores, are they? No. Well, speaking of department stores, in Farmers, we have had a report of actual Christmas edible chocolates. And I'm not just talking like in a Christmas box, reindeer chocolates. Oh my God.

They're like full on display. Yeah. Okay. Like, start out too early, they'll be going white by Christmas, won't they? You know when brown chocolate goes a bit white? Yeah. Lots of white. Before it goes white.

Yeah. Can you eat it when it's white? Yeah. Lots of white. Before it goes white. Yeah. Can you eat it when it's white? Yeah. Because our family has chocolate in the fridge from like two years ago. It's white, but it still tastes all right. I don't know if I could eat it. Yeah, I'll eat it in a pinch. Yeah, if you're really having a low moment.

Yeah. Yeah. You're really desperate. You lick it and the white stuff goes away. Or you put it under the hot tap for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all it is. Just eat it. Yeah. stuff goes away. Or you put it under the hot tap for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's all that it does. Does that do it?

Yeah. I found, I think it was a peppermint, one of the Whittaker's ones. You know the big blocks? Oh, yeah. It had somehow fallen down the back of the pantry. And I was like, well, I'll give this a nudge. And it was kind of like the middle bits had dried up. And then I looked at the, like, expiring.

It was ages ago. It expired like a year ago. Yeah, you're just like, don't judge me. It's a bit dry, but it'lliring. It was ages ago. It expired like a year ago. I was like, oh. Yeah, you're just like, don't judge me. It's a bit dry, but it'll do. I'm going to eat it still. What had dried out? The filling.

Kind of, yeah, like it had gone. Like hard. Hardish, and the whole chocolate kind of tasted a bit like. I mean, it was after its best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't blame Whittaker's. It's my fault. That's when now I see a best before date.

I said, well, I've missed you at your best, but I'll have you at your good. I'll have you now. Yeah. You know, and I'd say to the chocolate, to be honest, I'm not at my best anymore either. So two peas in a pod. And chocolate at its worst is still better than no chocolate. It's better than broccoli at its best. That's certainly easier than putting on clothes and going downstairs to the dairy.

Yes. Rihanna's been in touch. A regular contributor to beginning... It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas. You may remember Rihanna's on the west coast of the South Island. As she said, popped down to the markets at Greymouth. Okay.

An entire stall at the markets dedicated to Christmas goodies. Oh, wow. Yeah. An entire stall. Well, I guess you've got to get rid of it sometime, don't you? You do.

We might as well start peddling your wares now. YMCA carols by candlelights locked in, ladies and gentlemen. Oh, it is not. It is so at the YMCA in Christchurch on December 24th. That's literally the day before. You've got to give these things a week, don't you? Because everybody's got stuff to do. Yeah. Especially the to do. Yeah.

Especially the night before. Yeah. The night before at the YMCA. I wish there was a Christmas version of the YMCA. That was my question. I wonder if they do the, It's fun to stay at the YMCA. It's fun to stay at the YMCA.

Merry Christmas. Those are just sleigh bells that I'm doing in case you're wondering. That's real good. But then you don't want to be flicking your arms around if you're holding a candle because hot wax will shower you. You do the letters or do the M and you tip the candle on your head. You need those fake light candles. Some people like that though. Tea lights glued.

Hot wax dripped on them. I don't get it. You've got people like that, though. Tea lights glued. Too bad. Hot wax stripped on them. I don't get it. You've got to get the right wax. Sure. What I'm talking about is actually setting yourself on fire, though. People don't like that. Because of cheap synthetic Santa hats. Okay.

Oh, yeah. Be careful of those. And, well, I told you it was coming, and it's here. Yep. This, to me, is an undeniably huge part of Christmas penetration. So much so, this Christmas penetration caught me off guard and I was like, oh! It caught me off guard.

I was a little like, oh! Oh, God, I felt like I was running my belly button. Oh! Ladies and gentlemen, the warehouse has advent calendars. Oh, God! The warehouse has advent calendars. The warehouse has advent calendars. It's so many reports. People just

freaking out messaging me like I'm some sort of therapist to do with Christmas penetration. They're like, Vaughn, I don't know what's happening. Why are there advent calendars? Help, help, help. I'm like, Evac, Evac, get out of there. Out of everything that you don't need early for Christmas. No, but you do need them early because you need to start opening them on the 1st of there. Out of everything that you don't need early for Christmas.

No, but you do need them early because you need to start opening them on the 1st of December. But it's September. Heaps of time. Like at least I can understand buying some cheap Christmas decorations and putting them aside. But it's chocolate. You don't want to, as I've previously mentioned, it can go off. It can go a little offy. A little white.

So last time it was 12.5% keeping all this in mind, including surprise penetration by the advent calendars. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Right now, Christmas penetration is at... 22%. Oh, it is beginning to look a lot like Christmas. If you want to have a bit of a trip about Ariana Grande,

at night, this is weird, because my kids watch Nickelodeon, and they watch Victorious, and that was a TV show that Ariana Grande used to be on. Yeah. It kind of got her start on. It is so weird to watch that. You're like, man, this must have been like 10 years ago.

It was like five years ago. Was it? Yeah. It was like, I think, and then she did a spinoff afterwards, and that was only four years ago. When she first started singing, she was still doing Nickelodeon. I was going to say, because we met her like four years ago, I think, and then she did a spinoff afterwards. And that was only four years ago. When she first started singing, she was still doing Nickelodeon. I was going to say, because we met her like four years ago.

I know, and she'd only just finished doing Nickelodeon TV when we met her. Wow. And now look at her. Now look at her. Doing so well. She's doing. Not that there's many Nickelodeon stars that have gone on to many great things. Yeah.

I would like to talk about what women spend. Is 180 plus 180 360? Correct. 360,000 New Zealand dollars a year. This is a year. I mean, in their lifetime. In a lifetime, I was going to say. But even still, on this, I would never have thought it was that much money.

Okay. So that is purely on beauty products in our lifetime. So is that shampoo, conditioner? I don't think shampoo and conditioner. This is just makeup. Makeup and face washes. Moisturizers, toners, cleansers, that kind of thing. Masks, contours.

So you're just naming things. Naming things I've heard you guys talk about. Contours. Highlighters. Rouge. No one says rouge. Blush. Blush is that one?

Yeah. Wing tips. Ears. The average woman would own 300 lipsticks in a lifetime. How many do you, if I went round to your house right now and opened up all your drawers. I've got containers of them. Really? I have to have the, like I used to up all your drawers. I've got containers of them. Really? I have to have the, like I used to keep them in drawers, but then I never saw them.

So I have to have the containers open in a drawer. So every time I go out, I'm like, which one should I wear? Yes. Otherwise I never wear them. You can have a spice rack drawer, but instead of coriander, you've got Kylie Jenner lip Yeah, it's bad. So in my work bag, there's four. In my handbag at the moment, there's five.

But then in my drawers, I don't even know. Is there anything you can do with them? Say one day you're like, I don't need half of these. I'm sure you can melt them down and do something with them. Because you can't give them to other people, can you? No. Actually, I think there was an artist that she does everything solely with lipsticks and she puts it on and kisses the canvas and she draws with lipsticks.

Could you get a craft knife and just cut the last few millimetres off? Like to cut away the mank? Yeah, to cut away other people's manky lips. And then germs. Oh, you just wipe it. I've found a couple. You just wipe it. I know.

I've seen her do this. I've seen her. She was like, whose is this? And I was like, I don't know. And it was sort of a lost property of lipsticks in the studio. Yeah. And she gave it a week and then she's just like, I'm mine now.

It would have been like Bree's or PJ's or like someone I knew. So I just gave it a wipe and like, I'm like, I'll wait and I'll see if they say anything and if not, fine, it's keepers. Would you do that Caitlin would you

she's 100% done that this is I'm pretty sure this is Thea's when she came in to perform what did the musician Caitlin it's worse

what has she left it on yeah what kind is it what kind is it I wiped it I wiped it yeah you give it a wipe she's not

she's not got jibs. How do you know? I don't know. Waste not, want not. I don't know if it's his. I've got literally like, these are all the ones in my handbag. Would you over a lifetime own more than 300? I'm most definitely yours.

Oh, 100%. I've probably got over 100 now. And how much does the average lippy go for? Depends. Mac are like 40 bucks. Mac is. But you don't have to like, there's heaps of cheaper ones. And there's more expensive ones as well. Yeah, yeah.

So that's just lipstick. Wow. I mean, that's going to be a huge part of the, what, $360,000 you'll spend in a lifetime on makeup. Yeah. But there is quite a few tips and tricks this person has said, this beauty expert has said. Things you don't need, things you used to need back in the day,

like toners. I don't even use a toner anymore because cleansers back in the day left a residue on your skin. So that's what toner was for, to kind of get rid of the residue. Wouldn't you use what, with the face cloth?

Yep, you could. Or like a cotton pad. Okay. Do you cleanse and tone and moisturise? No. I just found, we're quite lucky in this job, we get sent stuff by brands that I can't remember now, sorry.

And one of them was night cream. Night cream? And sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm like oh Vaughn. Oh Vaughn, what has happened to you? You used to be so tight and shiny. And now you're just floppy and loose.

So I said to Sade, I was like, what do I do with this? I assume I put it on at night. And she laughed and she said yes. And then apparently you put it like around the eyes and stuff. With your ring finger, please. Why the ring finger? Because it's the least strongest out of all your hands, and that's a very delicate area,

so you've got to dab around your eyes. So I put some around my eyes, but then I had too much, so I put some down to the bed line. Bed's, by the way, beautiful at hiding whatever's happening under there. And then I did up on my forehead, and then I was like, well, I'm bald,

I can't leave the rest out because it ages. Was it an eye cream? It said night cream on it. So I did the whole shebang. And how did you feel the next morning? You tell me. Was it last night? You do look refreshed. I've done it two nights in a row. I'm expecting

miracles. Good on you. Alternatively, I am going to Thailand at the end of the year, but I'll get it all pulled back. But all of that stuff's rubbish anyway. No, it's not. I am going to Thailand at the end of the year, but I'll get it all pulled back. But I don't have hair because, you know, when they pull it back and they hide it behind the hair, well, you've had it pulled back behind the hair,

but I don't have it, so what do they do? Pull it back behind your ears. You'll get it right back from the back. Yeah. Like the ponytail of skin. No, it's behind your ears. They're like, oh, you've got a ponytail. Oh, God, is it skin?

Oh, what's happened? I'll be like, I've got a skin ponytail. Oh God, is it skin? Oh, what's happening? I'll be like, I got a skin pack. So we're going to come back the first show of January and be like, oh my God. Oh my God,

I can't. How was your holiday? Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Why are you doing your lips? And then I'll be like, I'm doing my ponytail

I'm like I just had that a bit too tight no one said being beautiful was easy no that is an insane

amount of money it is because I tell you what happens you're all gonna get old and die anyway well yeah exactly I know but our face

will be so torn in that coffin they'll be digging our bodies up in like a few thousand years and they're like the mummification process Exactly. I know, but our face will be so torn in that coffin. They'll be digging our bodies up in like a few thousand years and they're like, the mummification process must have been wonderful. Yes, it took them 70 years to get that preserved. Serious chat for a moment about Lifeline. Lifeline at the moment doing a bit of a fundraiser, the 72 Club. If you Google that, search that around, they made a song and you can buy the song,

download the song, make a donation, and that goes towards helping out Lifeline, which is a crucial service offered here in New Zealand, but wildly underfunded and so much so, I mean, this statistic kind of freaked me out, they're missing one in four phone calls because of a funding shortage. So you get 10,000 calls a month.

Yeah, and 3,800 texts a month from people in distress and some just needed to talk. And that's the thing about lifeline. You don't need to be at the point of thinking of taking your own life or, you know, suicide. It doesn't need to be that extreme. Lifeline's there to talk to anybody about anything at any time. But they're unfortunately missing one in four phone calls

due to a lack of funding. That blows my mind that they are not government funded. Yeah. Like, why not? So they were, from what I've read about it, and I don't claim to be an expert on where their funding comes from or anything, I think if we can give a chance to tell people how to help them out, we'll do that by all means. But apparently

a new service got set up by the last government called Need to Talk. Rather than giving them money to Lifeline, I think they've spread out and created a new one. I don't know the thoughts behind that. Right. And I'm not here to play politics on who did right and who

did wrong about that. I mean, the thought was there to establish a new thing to need to help, but it meant that the funding wasn't going to Lifeline. Right. So Lifeline kind of needs to be self-sufficient with raising their own money. So you can help out by googling the 72 Club. 27.

27 Club, isn't it? No, the 72 Club. Because they were all 27. The 27 Club. Because they were all, isn't it? No, the 72 Club. Because they ruled 27. It's a play on the 27 Club. Because they ruled 27 when all these famous people passed away. By one way or another. So, yeah, the 72 Club is a little bit different. It's

switching around saying, aim for the longer life and everything. Well, yeah, if you can help out and spare a dollar or two, that'd be much appreciated. So, I thought I'd tell you, apparently each call costs the organisation $25. That's kind of what they set aside for each call to that. And we said 10,000 calls a month

is what they're getting. And they're missing one and four. And it costs $745 to train a volunteer. So that volunteer's working there for nothing. That's the essence of being a volunteer. But it costs to train these people. Obviously, they've got to have some knowledge of being able to speak to people

and go through a minimum amount of training before they can work on those lines. Yeah. Because I had a friend that did a bit of volunteer work with Outline. So it's like Lifeline. Yeah. And that training was insane.

It was weekends of their time, like, you know, after work, that kind of thing, just to even answer the phone before you can even take a call. Yeah, yeah. So there's a lot of effort that goes in. And they're not the only one. You know, there's heaps of different places to call if you're listening to this and you are, you know,

finding it a bit tough at the moment and you don't know who to talk to. These are people that, you know, no judge. And as we've said, they've done the training, they're professionals, and you can find everything you need to find. And we're stoked at ZM Online, our website to actively promote all of these,

and not pick a favourite. We're about supporting all of these for anybody who ever needs to talk. But if you can donate to Lifeline, the 72 Club, as's happening at the moment. F.E.M. Play a sound. I'll point when to play it.

Because it's time that we need to talk about. Oh, wrong one. That really killed the drama. Okay. Because it's time we need to talk about. Murder! Okay. Murder!

Okay. Murder! Who murdered something? Fletch did. Oh! Another houseplant. A succulent. I would have got away with it if I hadn't snapped,

no, Instagrammed that to Megan last night. A succulent. Named succulent because only suckers can kill them. Is that really why? No. It's because they're succulent, even in dry, harsh conditions. Even their leaves are succulent, even though they don't get any water. Like a succulent Chinese meal.

I think this is my seventh. No. It would be at least your seventh this year. Fifth this year. No, because technically those other ones least your seventh this year. Fifth this year. No, because technically those other ones were dying over last year. I was going to say calendar year, your fifth, 12-month period. At least your seventh. Do we need to have a moment's silence for Stumpy?

Stumpy the succulent. Stumpy the succulent. R.I.P. That's my trick. You named it because I'm like, if you name them, you're less likely to kill them. But so apparently I'm watering it too much. It's a succulent. It's supposed to live in the

desert. It lives in the desert. That's why it's an amazing plant. You're like, look at you, you're succulent despite your conditions. I go around and I water all the other plants that aren't succulents and they're doing fine. Because they, you know, plants are different, hey? I know and I do know that because I do water all of them differently, but then it's been, sometimes it's been like a month or two

without me watering the succulent, and I'm like, I'll just give a little drop. It's not a little drop, though, is it? No, it's a little drop, like a little, like a shock. You're an over-feeder. You do it to Kaz, you do it to your succulent. You're just like, a little bit more for everyone. I'm sorry, I care. Yeah, but the succulent doesn't meow. Like you say, every time a cat meows, you feed it. But the succulent can You're just like, a little bit more for everyone. I'm sorry, I care.

Yeah, but the succulent doesn't meow. Like you say, every time a cat meows, you feed it. But the succulent can't meow. No, I know. She's minding her own business. I'm always just like,

well, surely it needs water by now. Like, how do you know when it needs water? They just don't. They just don't. Like, you would have a moist enough apartment that it's drawing enough

from the atmosphere. Are you sure? I'm not saying your house is moist. Well, you are kind of calling my house moist. There's enough moisture in the air. Succulents live in like sand and rocks, so the water just drains away. Yeah, they're not used to it. You know, we've got this plant and it doesn't even have anything around its roots.

It's just this amazing plant that can just grow on a rock. Oh, and it just lives on the air. Okay, well I'm gonna probably this weekend I'm gonna have to reset and just go and buy new ones. I've literally never seen a succulent look like that. I know, it's kind of like it's rotting. Yeah, because you've over

it's too wet. Yeah, okay. It's like a goldfish. Yeah. You know when you're little and you're like the goldfish looks hungry, I'll feed it again, but it's not. You just don't. Yeah. You know when you're little and you're like, the goldfish looks hungry, I'll feed it again. But it's not. You just don't. Right. A little sprinkle and then leave.

I swear when I walk back into the plant store, they're like, this guy's got so many plants. But he doesn't. They just keep dying and he's got the same amount of plants. Yeah. I've told you time and time again. You know the little tag you get with a plant? It tells you what they like.

I don't like that sticking out. It's not aesthetically pleasing. I know that you read it and remember. Have an A4 sheet of cardboard and stick it to that. Yeah. Just so you can be like, oh now what do I need to do with you? Open the kitchen drawer, out it comes. Do not water.

Kitchen bench. I'll get a little notebook actually. That will fit in the drawer. I'm on such a roll with our houseplants. Yeah, me too. My fiddle leaf fig, he's got like three big new healthy leaves. You see, I've got a good, I've nailed the fiddle leaf now because I've got one of those. Not direct sun. Yeah, and it's doing real well.

My table piece lily is doing fantastic. They don't like a lot of sun. They don't like a lot of sun either. And you know, my wife, we worked out the problem was it sits in front of the heat pump. It doesn't like a lot of wind either. Oh, okay. And not too much water because the front of the heat pump. Doesn't like a lot of wind either. Oh, okay. And not too much water because the ends of the leaves will go brown.

That's what. Oh my God, I've got those as well. Too much water. Yeah. So if they start to go flop, just give them a little bit. A little bit. I need that guy that comes into the office with his big wheelie chair and he like wipes all the leaves down, water.

No, he loves plants. He'd know everything. He loves plants. You put them out in the rain so their leaves get wet. I like to imagine the guy that gets the plants, he lives in a greenhouse. Yeah. He goes home and takes off all his clothes.

He's in shorts and a T-shirt the whole time because he lives in a tent-controlled tropical paradise. He's that close to the plants. And he goes to bed in, like, a bed of grasses. Soft mosses. Right. And he pulls up bed in a bed of grasses. Soft mosses. Right. And he pulls up a blanket of vines. Okay.

Right. He's plant guy. May you rest in peace. If anybody's wondering if we're getting close to summer, you can guarantee when the old building across the road strikes sun in my face at 7.40, we're on our way to summer. Is this the first time? This is the first time I've had the sun. Oh, this is great. Directly in the face. It's 7.40. We're on our way to summer. Is this the first time? This is the first time I've had the sun.

Oh, this is great. Directly in the face. Is that like savings? Like what? Two and a half weeks away? Yeah. Can we get an intern in to adjust these curtains, please? An intern?

Adjust your own curtain. I'm a bit above that now, Megan. Who's the intern? She's making tea for me. Thank you, Megan. Recognising the power structure here at the show. That's perfect. Thank you. No, that's it. Can you go down a bit more?

It's not perfect for me. No, you can do that. Oh, I've got to do mine blind. You do mine as well because now we can fully recognise who's the top of the pecking order here. Oh, please be careful with those. Continue with the show. Alright, onwards. A friend is in Greece. God, everybody's careful with those. Continue with the show. All right, onwards.

A friend is in Greece. God, everybody's in Greece lately. Bali or Greece. Bali or Greece. I went tropical island too early in the year when I took mum to Fiji in April. Listen to this first world problem. Son of my eyes. Full-time employment.

You've got friends in Bali and Greece. He went to Fiji too early. I've got well-to-do friends and I went to Fiji too early in the season. Because I got to June and July and it was cold here and I was like, I wish we'd gone now.

Yeah. But anyway. It's the time to go. Gone and just the Greece looks bloody lovely. Everybody's doing a great job making Greece look like a great. You went to Greece, eh? Yeah, last year.

You started it all. The landslide of people going to Greece eh? you started it all the landslide of people going to Greece here's one thing I know from our short stint in Greece Fletch as a couple don't tell my wife but

there were stray cats right? stray cats stray dogs lots of stray animals like Raro when you go to Raro the weird dogs those dogs look misshapen. When you go to Raro, the weird dogs.

Those dogs look misshapen. Have we ever talked about the theory behind the weird, why the dogs in Rarotonga are weird? It's an urban legend. Corgi, when the queen went there, one of her corgis went missing for three hours. And I must have humped a lot in three hours. And that's why all the dogs look a little bit like a corgi.

Stumpy legs. Stumpy legs wear tail. Apparently it's an urban myth. Yeah, this is what they love to tell tourists. Yeah. So a friend of mine's there at the moment and she has fallen in love with the resort cat. She's just actually given me permission to name and shame.

Becky. Okay, yeah. She's fallen in love with the resort cat. Okay. And is it Mankey? Okay, she sent a photo. Because we had a resort cat in Mykonos, and it was a kitten, and it was gorgeous.

It wasn't Mankey. This is like predominantly wine with a bit of honey. Stop being a cat snob. That's so true. Since you went pedigree, you're such a cat snob. I am. God. That's a cute cat.

It's cute, but if I'm on holiday, I'll pet it, I'll give it some attention, but that's it. So, she's fallen in love with this cat so much, living in the UK, has started filing paperwork to get this cat back to England from Greece. But is it a stray cat? It's a stray cat. Can she do that? I don't know. Doesn't it need shots and quarantine? She's willing to do all of this paperwork and It's a stray cat. Can she do that? I don't know. It doesn't need like shots and quarantine.

She's willing to do all of this paperwork and stuff. She's got cats. She's got cats. And they have cats in the UK. Yeah, they do. But what's that flight? Or Jaffa Cakes too. What's that flight like?

Three or four hours? So you just put it in a pet carrier. Yeah. And then check it in. Like you would transport a cat. No, but you need to get. No, you've got to do the proper paperwork. Oh, right.

The proper way, right. So you've got to find a vet in Mykonos. What a way to spend your last few days of your holiday. And she's serious. Yeah. Why? Okay, I thought I was a crazy cat lady. Yeah, she screencapped an email she'd sent to the cat people saying,

do you know what I need to do to get this cat back to the UK? The cat people. The cat people at gmail.com. I don't remember them. You do that and you blank out the names. Not everybody knows your crazy cat lady contacts. But she just says, I just have to. I can't leave it here.

I have to take this cat. I've fallen in love with this cat and I have to take it home. I mean, you know, I've heard of holiday romances, but that's ridiculous. I know, I know. But did she ask the cat? It might love its life in Greece. It doesn't want to go to the UK. Well, it would be a shock to go from tropical Greece to the upcoming UK winter.

Yeah, it might be just fine there. You go from like a lovely beach. Yeah. Yeah. To like a... Like some manky apartment in the UK. Yeah. What about like, meow, which is meow with a Greek accent.

Maw. Take me home, maw. Maw. Sardines are fresh, maw. Everything's out of a can. Maw. Take me back to Greece, maw. Like any Kiwi that goes to the UK,

give it like three weeks, it'll be talking in a British accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll adapt. It'll adapt. It'll adapt. It'll adapt. Crazy, though.

It got me thinking about when you're on holiday and you just come across something you've just got to take home. You've just got to take it home. You've got to souvenir something. Like getting things back into New Zealand that breach biosecurity levels are tough. Yeah. But maybe...

Well, and certainly we wouldn't recommend that. No, no. Oh, don't smuggle. Don't smuggle. No. Don't smuggle anything into the country. We've got a beautiful little ecosystem here that we're ruining fine by ourselves, thanks.

We don't need other people weighing in and trying to make it worse. Yeah. But I'd just love to know, it doesn't have to be a living. It could just be you just saw something and you were like, that's coming home with me.

Hotel pillow, for example. If you find a good hotel pillow, you're like, that's coming home with me. People that, for example. If you find a good hotel pillow, you're like, that's coming home with me. People that steal hotel pillows have got an issue. Because you've got to remember how many people have slept on that before you. And it's dead skin cells of hundreds of people. Think about that for a second. Yeah. But it's comfy.

And you can put two pillowcases on it. Can you? Can you? Okay. All right. Well, the hotel pillow, a stray pet, whatever. What did you just have to have on holiday and bring home? Talking about those things you just had to have on holiday,

like Vaughan's friend who's taking home a cat from Greece to London. Well, trying to. We should have had my mother-in-law on the phone for this. She's over there at the moment. They're bringing back a full-sized US school bus. One of those big yellow school buses. Why? Who knows?

Saw it, had to have it. She's a bit like that. I've got no complaints because she's filling it up with all sorts of goodies to bring home for me. So that's fine. Can we all make requests? Yeah. Make some requests for a seat. Is this seat token?

No, it's not. Cool. Could I have some stuff from America to sit on it? Sure you can. So we want to know what you saw on holiday and you just had to bring it home with you. Some text messages. I was walking down the street in America and saw some doormats on display that made me laugh out loud.

Please tell me what they said. I thought, what's more American than getting a trashy doormat? So I brought it back as a present for my boyfriend. It's a picture of a wiener dog. It says a wiener schnitzel dog, but that's not a dog. Right, that's a wiener. I don't know. But they just stole it from someone's doorstep.

No, and then they purchased it. But it was big, like it took up most of their luggage. Right. And it says the grass is greener under my wiener. And I love it. It's great. I have little bottles of sand from different places in New Zealand. I've got them lined up on the shelf.

It's really interesting to see how different New Zealand sand is. My husband thinks I'm crazy, but we still have to do some sand collecting before we head home. So they're going to take the New Zealand sand home, by the sounds of that, like wherever they live. Because you're not allowed to bring in sand to New Zealand, eh? Because it could have like little creepies in there. It could have little bitsy pieces in there. Yeah.

Not maybe my mate was traveling around Europe, found a stray dog in Poland and bought her back to New Zealand. Cost him thousands and thousands of dollars. You don't have to teach it English because it wouldn't know sit and it only speaks, like legit, it only speaks Polish. Like because you'd be like sit sit sit it's like what and it's like I get you you know that Polish isn't just English with an accent

I've got the I've got it Siedzik Hang on I'm gonna put should I turn and put my speaker on Siedzik Siedzik Siedzik Siedzik Siedzik Siedzik Siedzik I'm going to put my speaker on. Shijich. Shijich. Shijich. Shijich.

Shijich. Shijich. Shijich. Is this how anybody else learns a different word in a language? You play it over and over and just repeat it after it. Shijich. Shijich. Shijich.

Shijich down. Shijich. Sit. Shijich. Shijich. Bloody mongrel. Shijich. Learn English or go home.

We speak English here. So Polish dog. Even though I bought you here, it cost me thousands. My sister took raspberry cane plants back from Japan, back to Japan after being in New Zealand for Christmas. Hid them in her luggage. What's a raspberry cane? I'm guessing it's just like a raspberry plant, right?

Raspberry plant. Yeah, okay. Marty, what did you have to have on holiday? When I was nine, we were going through some markets in New Orleans, and I found a little crocodile head that was sitting there. Yeah. It was quite a whiffy wee market, and going through, so I said to Mum, come on, come on, I've got to buy it.

So we bought it back through 12 different airports. And a year later, we had this funny smell in the corner of the lounge. And it was actually the little crocodile head rotting away. And we found out it hadn't been taxidermied properly and that it still had its brains. And it was still sitting in there. So they just cut a head off a crocodile and they're like, crocodile for sale. You were like, take.

I had to have it and it had little marbles in it for eyeballs and the eyeballs actually went soft like where the tissue is. Oh, yuck. And you didn't declare it at the airport. Did you just bring it in? Hell no, I was only nine. Oh, right.

Okay, so just... Back in the good no, I was only nine. Oh, right, okay. Back in the good old days. The loose good old days. Thanks, you're cool, Marty? No worries, cheers. Some other text messages, my mum fell in love with a butter dish

in Rarotonga. A butter dish? Tried to buy it from the restaurant, they wouldn't sell it to her so she stole one off the table next to us. Oh, who's the number one suspect?

We're missing a butter dish. The woman who loved the butter dish that was sitting at the table right next to it? Couldn't be. She would have stolen her own table, surely. Or would she have? Some other text messages. We smuggled extendable batons

that the police use in America back from Hawaii. Have it in the bedside drawer just in case. Shouldn't they have matching batons? See a hair of noise downstairs? You're like, you ready, honey? I'm ready. Let's go. Also, isn't it a batons? See a hair of noise downstairs? You're like, you ready, honey? I'm ready.

Let's go. Also, isn't it a baton? Baton. Baton, isn't that something you twirl? You twirl the baton. A police baton. I don't know. No, because whenever I think of batons,

I think of the smaller ones in the fence. Right. Like if a fence has got the fence posted and then the baton's... Oh, okay. I call it a baton. Right, okay. It's small and it's whackable.

Somebody else, some other messages in. I was in California in the U.S. at a friend's place. We were gardening and pulling out little palm tree shoots that self-seed. Yeah. And I thought, wouldn't that be a cool tree to have back home in Featherston, New Zealand? So I wrapped a couple of them in paper and took them home on the plane, got to customs, got so nervous, I threw them in the bin provided because I freaked out so much. I would love to go through that bin.

Yeah. Do you reckon there'd ever be drugs in there? Probably. Minuscule amounts. There'd be weird things in there though. Yeah, there'd be weird. There would be. That would actually be fun.

I don't know if they go through those. Just to have a survey as a bit of a breakdown. Somebody else carried a full-size shisha that they bought in Turkey on a four-month European backpacking holiday. They got back to New Zealand and customs took it off, man. You can buy them here.

Yeah. Mr. Toyboy has a new song out. You can find it under his alias, Andrew Pappas, although... His sexual name. As Mr. Toyboy, that's right. So, in the video... It's been a saga, hasn't it? Although His sexual name Is Mr Toyboy That's right So In the video It's been a saga

Hasn't it Yeah It's been a journey For those that maybe Don't know The music video Was shot at your house Megan It was

On your bed But you weren't in it It was somebody else Who you're like sweet with now Because you met her And you're like Okay you're not a Demon here to steal my man

But she was a bikini. She's a bikini model. And for all purposes of this video, she's the object of affection in a way. Yeah. She's the one that he's like thinking of. Disgustingly, as we found out, the lyrics are about your taste. Yeah. Oh,

yuck. Don't ruin the essence of the song. It's hard's so, don't say, don't ruin the essence of the song. Essence. It's hard for us, isn't it, Vaughn, to sit here and see, you know,

one of our work colleagues and one of our best friends go through this kind of hell. Yeah. Oh, give me a bucket. This absolute hell. So while that video

that you guys made at your house with Bikini Model on bed. Yeah. You know, that's for the general public. Yes. We have made you a Megan Safe version of the video. Now, the song's magical.

Oh, okay. And we couldn't get a hold of the raw footage where it's just Mr. Toyboy. Yeah. Because he was recorded with the antics of the gal on the bed behind him. It was projected behind him. So we couldn't get a clean. So what we've done is we've superimposed ourselves into the video to distract everybody from her.

From the bikini model. To distract you from the bikini model. And because the song is called Magical, we are dressed as magical characters. Harry Potter and Dumbledore. That's the most disturbing thing

as a Harry Potter fan. It's saying Fletcher's Dumbledore is really quite something. Yeah, he's great for something sexual. You are welcome. Yeah.

Well, I've only seen the snippet that you put on social of YouTube on a green screen. You haven't seen the magic. No, I haven't. You haven't seen it put in. Well, we've got seen the snippet that you put on social of YouTube on a green screen. You haven't seen the magic. No, I haven't. You haven't seen it put in. Well, I've got the whole.

Well, it's done. Now, Producer Caitlin, is this online and ready to see now? Because are we generally releasing today? Yes, correct. Okay, so where can people see this? ZM Online, also our Facebook page, Fletch, Wynna, Megan. Yeah. And our Instagram.

Great, Spread it around I'm also worried That people could Download this And rip it from those Family safe sites And this could go Somewhere else

You know Like fan fiction Yes yes yes Erotic fiction Yes I don't think There's any fear Of that happening

Well it's a very sexy song Is it And we in the video Are very sexy Harry Potter characters. So I'm worried we're going to end up online somewhere we don't want to be. Yeah.

I'm just saying. I think you'll be okay. I think you will be. Right. Okay. Well, the video is out now. Christ. Feet, Vaughn and Fletch.

Yeah. And Mr. Toyboy. A remix. Is this your first music video? Mr. Toyboy's magical. And do you know what? It's completely safe for kids. For the entirech. Yeah. And Mr. Toyboy. A remix. Is this your first music video? Of Mr. Toyboy's Magical. And do you know what? It's completely safe for kids. For the entire family.

For the entire family. This could be on the Disney channel. Okay. Well, no, I couldn't because Harry Potter's a Warner Brothers property, so it would be on another one. Right. Okay. You know what I mean.

I know what you meant, but just to avoid any sort of like, you don't mess with the mouse, you know what I'm saying? No, you're true. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Well, thank you. You're most welcome. It was for you.

Thanks. You're so kind. We spent a lot on costumes too, but I think it was worth it. F.E.M. Okay, so a quick little poll around the room. When you are going to the supermarket to get a bottle of wine, what sways you? The most expensive reduced to the cheapest, like the most reduced amount.

So like a $20 if it's like $12 or $11, I'm like, whoa, what a saving. Yep, I'm like that. Region? Really? I don't know. I like to buy New Zealand wines. If you're getting a red, I'm like, ooh, Otago. Central Otago. That's a pin on one.

I think it's becauseago. Central Otago. That's a pin on one. I think it's because born. Central. Otago. And then like a white, it's like Marlborough. Yes. Ooh. Hawke's Bay. Hawke's Bay, yes.

Ooh. That's all I know. Yeah. What about you, producer Caitlin? Producers, what sways you if you're buying a little bottle of wine? Yeah, that and like if the bottle looks cool. No, that's a fair point. Fair call if the sticker,

you know, if the label. Yeah, because if I'm taking it to a BYO, I don't want to look like I've just been, you know, buying cheap wine.

Like a basic label, you're like, oh, it looks cheap. Yeah, zip it up. Yeah. Yeah. Make it look fancy. It's also got to be like

the higher up the shelf it is, but cheap. You know what I mean? What do you mean? If it's higher, it's better. Like if it's right gotta be like the higher up the shelf it is but cheap you know what I mean what do you mean if it's higher it's better like if it's right at the bottom

you're like ooh it's $7 and it's at the bottom but if it's $9 and it's in the middle ooh yeah yeah I see what you're saying you're working yourself

you're working your way towards the top shelf James definitely price and colour of the wine as well colour like if it's in a secret bottle

you want it to look tasty well if it's a red one I don't buy it if it's in a see-through bottle, you want it to look tasty. Well, if it's a red one, I don't buy it. If it's a rosé, I do. Right, sometimes. Okay.

So you're very basic. If it's red, yuck. So I've stumbled across an article and this has pinpointed and fingered me. This is me. When I get a bottle of wine,

wine stickers. No one mentioned the wine award stickers. Oh, you mean like a gold or silver? Yeah, like a gold or a silver sticker. Oh, yeah, the 91 plus. Yeah. Yeah, the one that says like 91 plus.

I'm like, I don't know what that means. Yeah, but 91's good, right? Anything with stars on it. Silver medal, gold medal. A hundred percent silver gold. And sometimes they have like a silver, a gold, a gold, a gold, all stuck on top of each other. Yeah, like somebody's choice.

Years in a row. Steve's choice. Well, that's what this article's saying is that some wine producers, they might not even have an award. They might just be putting on a sticker that says like 100% New Zealand wine. But you see it as a gold.

You see a gold or a sticker. So you're like, oh, just grab it. That's a medal. But if I had a vineyard, chances are I'd name it something like five gold medal wine. Wines. Yeah, and then put some gold stickers on it.

Yeah. So the vast majority of shoppers, this is according to research, prioritise speed. And this is so me. Like, oh, like just the other week I was buying a couple of bottles of wine for my friend who was house sitting. So I went in there. He drank salve. I'm like, oh, yeah, I don't know what's good salve.

I don't drink it. I just got the ones with the stickers that were cheap. Because someone said that it was good. Research has shown that consumers who are not particularly interested in wine use award stickers to a greater degree than discerning consumers. So people that know about wine ignore the stickers.

But they've never also tasted enough wine to know what they like. Yeah, for sure. And they've probably gone on one of those like wine weekends where they've learnt about wines. But if you see it... For the rest of us, stickers are as good as it gets.

Yeah, because the stickers are like someone fancy said that this is good. Yeah, but it could have been like the New Plymouth Wine Awards or something. I don't know if that's a thing. But they don't grow wine there, do they? So you'd probably be like, okay. So what do they know?

Now, the New Plymouth Bourbon Awards I would trust. Those are some people that drink some bourbons. They know their bourbon. But that kind of, yeah, just this whole article kind of, that's me to a T. Yeah. I feel like a sucker now. I'm going to have to read what all these stickers say now.

I mean, some of them are legit awards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to read and make sure it doesn't just say, this is a bottle of wine. Exactly, but I don't know what those stickers say. I just see a gold or a silver one and I'm like sweet, it's on special. Get in my basket. Yeah.

Roll around and tink tink with the other bottles that have got neat little stickers on them that cost no more than $18. $18? I said no more. I splash out now. What a high roller. $5.12 is my limit and that's what I'm treating more. I splash out now. What a high roller. I'm 12 is my limit. Are you serious? That's what I'm treating myself.

Treat yourself. Usually it's like 9. It was 16 and you get 9. No more than 12. It's all the same. It's all the same. You're not going to get a roaring Meg Payne on WAFA under that. That's a $29 bottle of wine.

Treat yourself. It's Friday. You deserve this. I only get it if it's on special. Oh, yeah? Well, we are working with the Queen of England. No, you know, it's good though. You know what you like.

Yeah, treat yourself. Only get that one works, mate. Hair's going to blow your mind. This is going to blow your mind. I went through a stint. I'm going to get back into it for summer too. I got into Chardonnay. You remember when I got into Chardonn to get back into it for summer too. I got into Chardonnay. You remember when I got into Chardonnay earlier this year?

I bought a $45 bottle of Chardonnay. And it was bloody delicious. And you know what? I didn't even gullet all in one night. Who are you? I didn't even gullet all in one night. I made it last like four days. Who are you?

Who am I? Who am I? You've got a buttery chard. I do. I've got a buttery chard. Mate, last all week I did. God. All right, well, there you go.

I don't even know you anymore. Treat yourself. I mean, the kids went without food that week, but you've got to teach them to be resourceful. Fact of the day, day those square 9-volt batteries Oh, I put my tongue on those as a kid I know, that'll make your teeth light up as an adult Because now you've got fillings in your teeth

Oh yeah, right Yeah, make your teeth Because I did it to show the kids a little while back You're like, I regret that incident I was like, no! Mum! Mum! She's like, oh God, what's he doing now? That's the panic scream of a child

who thinks they're about to watch their father die. This blew my mind. I actually found this out. I dropped the smoke alarm while taking it out because I burnt some toast and I was like, ah, you know, you whack it with a T-tail and you panic. Shut up! Shut up! Like you're yelling at

an inanimate object. Stop doing your job so well! And I pulled it down and I dropped the fire alarm and the top of the battery came off. The top of the 9-volt battery. Okay. Oh, okay. So I was like, hmm. Obviously buying a really good battery. Top 9-volt battery. Okay. Oh, okay. So I was like, hmm. Obviously buying really good batteries. Top-notch batteries.

Top-class batteries. I mean, as just previously mentioned, you dropped $40 in a bottle of wine, but probably bought a $1 9-volt battery. A 100%. Something that could save your life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'll be drunk from the bottle of wine,

so I'll sleep right through the fire. So the top came off a bit. So I pulled it apart. Lo and behold, inside the battery, six little batteries. I remember as a kid, I'd always tinker with electronics

and take those apart and stuff. Yeah, the batteries. Well, that's today's fact of the day. Inside some, not all, not all, nine-volt batteries are six smaller batteries. And they are, if you would compare them to like AA's, AAA's, these are

smaller than what would you call a 4A battery? A 4A battery? A quad A battery? Because if you look at AAA, AAA, quad A. Okay. Call it a 4A battery. It's just smaller than a 4A battery and it's lined up two rows of three beside each other. Some more modern ones have three cells to the battery,

three flat ones that sit against each other and go in there, but they're always in. There's always more little batteries inside a 9-volt battery. Yeah, because I remember ripping open those big, what are those, dolphin torch batteries, and they're like inside little cells, like little sticks of dynamite. So when you're a kid,

you're like, ah. It's cool. I remember Michael Beck. Who's Michael Beck? I went in intermediate with him. Okay. You said it like we were supposed to know who he was. You know that guy that you never met

that I haven't seen for 25 years? Yeah, him. Oh, no, because you say it like he's a movie star or something. Oh, you know, Michael Beck. He was in that Tom Cruise movie. He's honestly a person I hadn't even thought of for probably 15 years until you said about the batteries. Okay.

He had, his science fair involved a car battery. Yeah. His science fair at Intermediate involved a big car battery. You've got to be careful with those because I took one out of a car once and burnt holes in my nice T-shirt. That's what happened! Yeah. My no-fare T-shirt. My mum's up? Yeah. My no-fair T-shirt.

My mum's up the hill. Can you give me a hand carrying it? But everyone had been tinkering with the car battery. Battery acid. Yeah, so I was carrying it up the thing, and the battery acid sloshed out of me. I was like, what's this, Michael Beck? I probably just said, what's this?

Because I knew his name. What's this, Michael Beck? And he was like, oh, I don't know, just water or something. And I was like, okay, Michael back is burning me a little bit he's like you're right I was like okay Michael back you're the guy with the battery I trust you on all your battery knowledge get out put in his mum's car walk him back down I'm like still burning yeah and yet burnt holes in my school uniform and I bet Christine was not happy well I to kick up the Michael Back side that hard, I'll tell you that much.

Did she call Michael Back's parents? I don't know if she involved them. My mum always loved involving other people. I'm going to have to call their parents and get to the bottom of why he had a bloody battery at school. This is ridiculous. This is absolutely ridiculous. But yeah, you were right.

It had all the little cells inside it. Yeah, yeah. And that was what the lid came off and the battery issued. Michael Back's battery issued. I don't know if I mentioned that. Splashed all over me and burnt a hole in my ear.

Where's Michael Back now? No idea. Probably with Facebook. I'll do that now. Because we need to know. We need to know. I'll tell you soon if I can find him. Maybe not.

I don't know. This guy, I'm pretty sure he existed. Wouldn't it be great if he ran like a... A century. A century a... A battery. A battery franchise. A century. A century battery. That would make my day.

I would walk in there and be like, remember me? I think we know me at least a car battery. That would be so good. But the problems caused due to the battery not being sufficiently tightened. That would be great. So today's fact of the day is a nine-volt battery has more little batteries inside it. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Friday, headed off on a Smith road trip

Down to the central plateau For a weekend of skiing and such Pulled into Tikawiti Traditionally You always stop at Tikawiti Is that Well you go half way Don't you always have a

Yeah a little bit of a break A cup of tea A scone Yes Well the parents did Well we always When we used to go down With the lads

Yep Snowboarding We'd always stop there and have a breakfast pie. Okay. And then they'd power us on through to get us the rest of the way and a coffee and stuff. So it just became a tradition. You stop in Tika Witi.

Yep. Stopped in Tika Witi, went in, got the coffee, came back out, and I thought, that tyre doesn't look very good. Oh, okay. Because I'm quite, I do that. That's just my dad rubbing off on me. He always does a loop of the car before he gets back in the car. What?

Just to check everything's in order. He's like a pilot before each flight. Yeah, and he gets it from his dad who was very fastidious on a pre-drive check. Visual check. Oh, take it. Do you whack the tyres? My papa was, he'd walk around, he'd look and if there was a new scrape, he'd be like, where'd we get that from, Rita?

And he'd be like, hmm. Well, we did hit a pothole 18 kilometres ago. I made a note of it while just like that sort of. And the travel log. Detailed. Right, okay. So I just was walking back and I looked and I was like, that doesn't look right.

So got the long hose. Yeah. Put it up to the recommended PSI, 36. Plugged it on and you know how it tells you what it's at before it starts pumping? And it was at 12. Oh, yeah, that's not good. Andged it on, and you know how it tells you what it's at before it starts pumping? And it was at 12. Oh, yeah, that's not good. That's not good.

Yeah, you got a flatty. So I pumped it up, went back inside, went to the toilet, came back outside, and pressure checked again, and it was already down to, like, in its 20s. I was like, all right, we've got a flat tire here. Okay, family. But then I got a little bit excited. I said to Shada, I'm going to change the tire, and she said, I've never seen the tyre changed on the Hyundai.

I said, well, come out here, love. You're about to have a... You're about to see how this is done. And so she was impressed because it's one of those ones where the tyre is hidden up under the back of the car

and you wind this lever and the tyre lowers itself from under the car. Already I'd be calling AA. You and I had to change a tyre once and you just stood there and you're like, what's that do? Where does that go?

Well, how does the tyre fit in there? You were taking control of the situation, Vaughn. Yes. I was dominant. You were submissive. You were very dominant. And I was like, okay, you just deal with this. You were a sub.

You just laid there and let it happen. Just lazy. And also didn't want to get like, you had really dirty hands. Yeah, you always end up with dirty hands. Oh, yeah. Just let one person get dirty hands. So I switched it and put air in the spear.

Yeah. But that wasn't holding its air right either. You'll remember I'm in Tikiwiti. I'm not in my usual location. So I ring Tikiwiti Ties, free plug. Yeah, free plug. Tikiwiti Ties. Free plug for the good dudes at Takeaway Tires

they said yeah mate drive on round so I pumped up did that thing where you go and it goes ding ding ding

you're like quick quick quick and it's a race against deflation and he was just down the road so I got there

and they fixed the tyre they were bloody lovely they were like come on let's get some toys for the kids here and I went in and sat there

and they made me a cup of coffee. And so what I thought was a bad place to get a flat tyre actually turned out to be really good. Why did you think it was a bad place? What? What? Oh, because it's a long way from home.

And all last week, Tika Witte's headlines were gangs taking over Tika Witte again. You're true. Not that I thought that they were going to come up to someone with a flat tyre and be like, alright mate, you're in our gang now. I'd be like, but I don't want to be in your gang. You led me to believe you changed your tyre antiquity.

I did. Twice. You drove to the tyre place. Oh yeah, they did all the hard work, but I like took it off, put it on, took it off. Right, okay. Put the other one back on. Got there in the end. It was fine because, you know, you panic about breaking down with a flat tyre. Well, at least you broke down in a town. It was fine because you know you panic about breaking down with a flat tyre. Well at least you broke down

in a town. Yeah. If I hadn't spotted it and we'd kept driving we could have broken down on the next bit of road no reception. Yeah right.

And I mean there's no perfect place to get a flat tyre because then that was the topic of discussion for the next hour in the car. Where's the worst place to get a flat tyre?

In the middle of nowhere or in the middle of inner city traffic. Like magic because then you're the person of inner city traffic. Like, imagine, because then you're the person that causes a traffic jam, say in Auckland or Wellington, and when people finally get to go round you,

they're like, you stupid wanker! Right? So angry at you. I'm late for work because of you. Yeah. I'm late to go to work, the place that I hate because of you.

Now I hate you more than I hate it. So I was wondering where the worst place is that people have broken down with a tyre. A flat tyre. Give us a call. 0800 DALES.M and text 9696. We're talking about the worst place you could have a flat tyre or a breakdown. Because the debate is, is it in a super busy place where you cause traffic problems for everybody else?

Or is it in the middle of nowhere? I'd want to be somewhere where there's help nearby. Yeah. Because middle of nowhere, and we're hearing from people that get stuck in the middle of nowhere by themselves, it's hell. Yeah. And then imagine, you know the worst part about that

is if you're in the middle of nowhere, walking up to someone's, imagine walking down someone's big driveway on some farm. I know. Knocking on their door. They'd think you were there to kill them. Or they're going to kill you. That's what I was worried about.

Exactly. If I owned a farm on a road that was quiet and people often got flat tires, I'd have big speakers, and if I saw a breakdown, I'd be like, it's time again. Play. Ba-da-ling-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding.

Ba-da-ling-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Ba-da-ling-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding. Imagine that when you'd be like, ah! Matt, you used to work for a breakdown service, so you saw quite a few breakdowns. Yeah, yeah, had a few interesting experiences, but the first one I ever did was on an old Bedford caravan with dual wheels on the back, and it was the inner tyre,

and it was on the roadside, and every time a truck went past, I had to huddle inside the wheel well, otherwise it was going to suck me out towards the truck Oh my god No thanks, I wouldn't get paid enough to do that So what was worse, the middle of nowhere or like the middle of

a motorway for a breakdown? For a flat tyre? It's definitely motorway, it's the traffic Middle of nowhere is no problem because if you're a breakdown guy you've got everything you need but it's the traffic. Middle of nowhere is no problem because if you're a breakdown guy, you've got everything you need, but it's the traffic. And you get people who don't know what they're doing,

so they'll just stay in the fast lane with a flat tyre when they can actually just drive off the road and stop. That'd be me. I love a little stop in the fast lane panic. Thanks, you're cool, Matt. Jo, where was the worst place you broke down? Hi, it was the Nate P. Tappo Hills. Back on Christmas Eve, pitch black, after work.

I was only young, but I was honing down the hill and my little Mitzi Mirage and my tyre started to shred. So I was just trying to find a little country driveway to try and pull into. But I was hoping no one would stop to help in some ways because it would freak me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Walking into a house at pitch hoping no one would stop to help in some ways because it would freak me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like walking into a house at Pitch Black, it'd be awful. Someone did stop you, believe me. Thanks, Joe. Some other text messages in. We loaded onto the Inter-Irelanda Ferry in Picton.

Yeah. We were the front of the queue. Yeah. And then when it came to get off, we noticed that two of our front tyres were flat. What do you do? What do we do? Because we've only got one spare.

Yeah. And like so flat, not even drivable. Yeah. What happened to them? They said it was a hold up of over 30 minutes and people on their trial were so pissed off. Yeah, they would be. But then like surely you'd just say, who's got a spare tyre we can borrow just to get ourselves off here. The quicker someone comes forward,

the quicker we can all get off here. Yes. And then we'll give it back to you when we get down there. In fact, a couple of people. There's another one saying that they got on the straight ferry and they had a flat tyre when it came to get off and caused a massive hold up. Somebody said we ran out of gas in the Manitou Gorge

in a bus towing a trailer. We had to wave to our massive trucks to alert them that we were just around the corner because we didn't want to get crashed into and it would force us over the edge and into the water. Yeah, so that was a pretty bad place to have a breakdown. Well, take away your breakdown and take away his nothing. I tell you what, it was pleasant.

It was a pleasant break. Getting to chat to some locals. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. ZDM. Chat to some locals.