ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - September 06 2018

Episode Date: September 5, 2018

Intern Anya got up-sold on her facial, Don't Get Fletch Started and what did someone give you to impress you?See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Thanks, Anya. Good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. I've got a giant, big, new computer screen. I think that's how many of us have got a giant big bone to pick with one of you. I was like, oh, someone's in trouble. That sounds intense.

No, you do have a big new... Curved? Yeah, it's a curve. It's got a slight curve in it. It's Adele. Yes. That's it, really. I don't know why I went with that song. To the rain. It's Adele. It's an Adele song.

Hey, when did Jacinda get back in the country? Was it this morning at like 4am? Because I had a big Air Force plane fly over my house and they never do. Oh, I see. You know how she used the Air Force? Yeah. It cost $80,000 on fuel.

Yeah, it flew over and landed. And I was like, why is that plane flying in? Maybe. Could have been Jacinda. The red eye from Nauru. Because she did that forum thingy yesterday.

I know all about politics. The forum thingy. The forum thingy. And she was only there for a short time. Yeah. I could just race up the road and be like,

hi, welcome home. You could have given her a ride back. Yeah, I could have. Saved her some money. I hi, welcome home. You could have given her a ride back. Yeah, I could have. Saved her some money. She doesn't have to wait in that giant line to declare something at the airport. No. With another 80,000 people.

But then that's also a pain because she doesn't get done in a Funilpi military airfield. It's got a duty free. I didn't even think about that. She's missing out on all that. All those sweet bottles. Two for gym babes. I didn't even think about that. She's missing out on all that, all those sweet boys. Two for gym babes. And like Dunkin' Donuts and stuff. There's no donuts there.

No sweet treats. Yeah, you're right. And there's not also somebody coming out and being like, would you like a basket, sir? Would you like a basket? Come in here and spend money here. Would you like a basket? All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. All right, three news headlines are for three stories. Interesting, unusual, odd, quirky news stories that are found online. Vaughan and Megan, as always, pick one headline only. And no Googling. Although I've been a bit lax on that lately, haven't I? I should crack down. Just every now and again you've got to crack down and make an example of someone.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Steps out of line. Yeah. So maybe I'll hand down a prison sentence, Megan, just for a night or something. Headline one, Hornet Luftwaffe attack German wine festival. Headline two, good Samaritans turn bad Samaritans. And headline three, woman caught on CCTV. Okay, actual headline, by the way.

Actual headline. Yeah. I mean, they're all actual headlines, but actual, actual, this was printed. Okay. Well, online printed. Woman caught on CCTV doing huge poo in driveway. Oh, grim. Was that in Brisbane again?

I believe it was the UK. Oh, okay. Oh, wow. Had they caught that Brisbane one? That dude. No, wasn't there a chick now? Yeah, there was a follow-up. That's why I was wondering if it might have been the follow-up.

They caught the secondary pooper. The guy was caught, but he hasn't had a court date though, has he? Oh, I haven't Googled lot of notes to his name. I should set up a Google. Yeah, yeah, just stay all over that story. I don't know if I need daily Google reminders of that. Old man poos.

Yeah. You'd get his name. Yeah. What was the first one? Hornet, Luftwaffe, attack German wine festival. Oh, so Luftwaffe's the German Festival? What's Luftwaffe? Luftwaffe is the German Air Force in World War II. Lightning War.

So this is, no, that's Blitzkrieg. Oh, I don't know. Luftwaffe Hornets would be like a swarm of hornets attacked a wine festival, right? And bombing them and everything. Correct, Vaughan. Felt like an aerial attack. So I guess two. You want Good Samaritans turn bad?

Okay. You may have heard of this story. It's been ongoing for quite some time, but it started at the end of last year where a... I don't know who it was. They're not named in the story, but it was basically a person.

They didn't have $20 to put petrol in their car. So a homeless man gave them his last $20. I remember this. Is this ringing some bells? In the last year, yeah. She broke down on the side of the road. So a couple raised money.

Yeah, they did a fundraising thing for him. I don't know if it was the couple or the couple just saw that he'd be in need of a GoFundMe, so they kind of spearheaded it. No, it was the couple. Was it actually the husband? So it was the woman who broke down, but then the two of them

did a GoFundMe. Right. They were the ones that went to the media and everything. Right. Did the whole... I remember this. That's not in the story that bit, but yeah, the fact that they raised $400,000 on GoFundMe was huge. For this homeless guy. For this homeless guy, yeah.

Down on his luck. What if they presented him a cheque? Wow. But then you did say bad Samaritans. Well, yes. A lawyer for the man, the homeless man, his name's Johnny, he says all the, from the money raised,

it's all gone. He has received some of it, but the rest of it, the couple have apparently spent. Because didn't they say they didn't want to give it all to him? They wanted to give it to him gradually so he didn't spend it all on...

Because they were like, well, you know, he can't be trusted. He's homeless. He'll probably buy drugs. You know, he's homeless. He can't be trusted. We'll look after that. But now the homeless guy was like, well, I want, you know, the rest of my money. Because he did pay off some debts. He did buy a few things. And now he's gone to the couple and said, well, where's the rest of my money?

And they said, oh, well, hang on, mate. And so now he's got a lawyer. GoFundMe are involved as well. Because you have to, if you're raising money for something, you have to give that money to what you stated it was for. But you're raising money for something You have to give that money To what you stated it was for But you're legally obliged And do you remember that happened here as well

With that family that got food poisoning From like, was it a wild boar? Yeah, wasn't the church Was a bit lax Handing over some money with that as well? I never got to the end of that story About the family that all Ate the wild boar

and they all went a bit crazy because they got sick. Yeah, but I don't know if that was through an online or just through a church, but I remember there was a story they were like,

hey, where's the rest of our money, church? Not like churches to be a little bit lax with money tithe. They may have sorted that out and it may be, I'm not too sure

what the end of that story was. But yeah, apparently his lawyer is asking a judge to impose sanctions on the couple after the pair missed a court-ordered deadline to hand over any remaining money. That's because apparently it's gone. Oh no. Yeah. I just googled this.

Apparently it was a week in a big trip to Vegas. Yeah, and a BMW. Oh, that's not cool. And vac Googled this. Apparently it was a week in a big trip to Vegas. Yeah, and a BMW. Oh, that's not cool. And vacations, plural. Oh. Yeah. So what a scummy thing to do, eh? Yeah, and then you look like the good guys because as far as we knew,

you'd raised money for that guy. And probably assumed just to give him a little bit, he'd be happy with that because he's got nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. So it's ongoing and it's pretty sad. It is really sad.

Okay. I hope nobody starts a GoFundMe page for the couple to help them pay off this debt, but then they end up spending the money they promised they'd give to the couple. I know. And then that just keeps happening throughout history. What is the deal with, like, leftover money? Like, say, for example, you were, like, I don't know, sick or something,

and you got heaps of money. All of that money has to go to what you said it was for on those GoFundMes. But what is it for, though? What is it for? So say you were, like, battling something, like a disease, and you got better in six months, and you've got like 100,000 or 50,000 left. You get to keep it.

Do you get to go on holiday? Do you just get to go on holiday? The right thing to do would be to then donate that on to somebody who's got something of the similar ilk, right? Or go to Disneyland. But you're not obliged. You wouldn't want to be publicly too much about Disneyland. I've been bad then.

If people had been giving you the money on the proviso, it was to help you live day to day. I'm just a little wary of that. No. I'll go to the fact that you're going to burn that. I'll go to some day spas. I'll go to Disneyland. I'll spend the rest of the money.

A day spa is very relaxing and you need that. But I don't know about Disneyland publicly. I just chill. What, not a good idea? No, you're right. I think, like, personally, if you had money left over, you'd give it to a charity or someone else deserving. 100%.

Somebody else that you know what they're going through because you've recently been through it. That would be my personal. After you've been to Disneyland. Yeah. But again, I get that. Look, I'd take all the photos and everything and put an album on Facebook

but a privacy only me. Okay, yeah, right. And I wouldn't date it and then like maybe a couple of years down the track, I'd be like, post public, date. Oh, guys, just went to Disneyland. But I donated you money. But that was years ago.

I've saved up since then. I don't know any Flat Earthers personally, but there might be some that listen to our show. Do you know any Flat Earthers? I doubt it. Do you know what I think Flat Earthers would listen to? The Rock. Just I'm going to put it out there.

I think they would. They would, though. Out of... Oh, yeah, and that show. Definitely that show. Yeah, you're right. I reckon they'd turn in for a bit of ZB. Oh, yes.

ZB would have the most flat earthers. Until it annoyed them. Well, like, Leighton. Like, daytime ZB. Yeah. There'd be a couple of flat earthers. He'd open up the phone lines and the flat earthers would call in.

Oh, yeah. Climate change deniers. Yeah, yeah. Well change deniers. Yeah, yeah. Well, researchers have looked into the minds of Flat Earthers and people who are like Holocaust deniers and believe in like strange conspiracy theories and have revealed why we will never change their mind. So if you find yourself in an argument with one of these people,

just give up and walk away. up. You can't win. Yeah, you can't win. Because these people's brains are wired to value feedback over facts. Right. So their beliefs are bolstered by other people's opinions and feedback, and they won't look into it any further because facts just mean nothing to them. There's no point. No.

So it's quite straight. This goes for like any kind of conspiracy theory. The new research says they just value feedback as opposed to hard evidence. So be it good or bad. Yeah. And that's why you read a lot of it on social media because it's just a whole lot of opinions. Yeah.

Not fact. And not factual at all. We all know someone that loves, you can tell they just want to argue about it. You know, like they say something and you're like, oh, okay, you just want me to bite. Yeah. You know those people that have got like a really far out their opinion on something

and you're like, oh, you get off on arguing with people. Cool, I've got some stuff to do. Yeah. So that's cool. So this, he's a scientist, dude. He's got lots of letters after his name. He said, if you think you know a lot about something, even though you don't,

you're less likely to be curious enough to explore the topic further. So you're just like, yeah, I'm on board with this because lots of people I've spoken to, we're just all talking about it. And yep, and you don't want to look into the details of it any further. And it's also the dangers of living in an echo chamber,

like surrounding yourself with people who wholeheartedly agree. Yeah, and then your Facebook feed is just those kind of ideas. Yeah, and you're like, well, this is just how the world, that was my harsh reality of Red Peak, the flag. I was like, oh, this flag's going to absolutely romp in. But it was only because the people I was kind of surrounding myself with or the people I talked to about were of a similar nature to me.

So they were like, oh, yeah, I can see the kind of meaning behind that. They had a great design. See? See? Yeah. And then you realise that there's so many more people outside of your usual circles.

They've also, in this research, found out that people who believe in conspiracy theories are more likely to have low self-esteem and to be narcissists. And dumb.

And stupid. That, for the people I was thinking of before, that kind of adds up, that narcissistic thing. What's narcissistic? You're like into yourself or something.

It's a self-belief beyond justification. Because I always just, people just always say, if you take lots of selfies, you're narcissistic. So I'm like, oh, well, that's me. Well, like if you went somewhere beautiful and you took a selfie and it was kind of in the background, but it was blurred and your face took up way too much of it and it was way less about,

holy hell, this is an amazing view. It's more like, I'm here. I'm in it. With the pyramids. Oh my God. But me. Did you see me? Because I'm right in front of them.

Just see the little tippity top. So it's a personality disorder. Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an ability to handle any criticism and a sense of entitlement Ooh When you read that out, did you feel anything?

No, I didn't, no Did you sort of like Think you were looking into a words mirror? We're not talking enough about me right now Can you just give me some more admiration? Would a narcissist read that and be like Huh, well does anybody think that I don't think any of us

handle criticism well. Oh no, I just got no time for it. How do you handle criticism, you narcissist? Tell people to F off. Fletchborn and Megan's Community Notices. Hello and welcome to Community Notices. A segment of the show where we see what's happening around New Zealand according to local Facebook pages.

And if there's any place to start, let's start right at the bottom on the Invercargill whinge page. It's literally called that. It's called the Invercargill whinge page. Okay. A man, first of all, has listed a candle for sale. Okay. Smell midnight blue citrus.

Ooh. Nota bene. I guess this is like, is that Latin for something? Well, it sounds fancy. Nota bene. In my humble opinion, he writes, the vapors given off by this candle are carcinogenic. I mean, this guy obviously doesn't work in sales

because that's not how sales works. No. If a woman had these lit in her boudoir, you wouldn't catch me in there for all the tea in China unless you wanted a premature death. For sale, $15. But you can buy it from me for $15. You're not selling the candle, mate.

You're really not. So this is where it's been then reposted on Invercargill Whinge. Okay. And someone has a whinge about it. She writes, this guy, first of all, $15 for a used candle, which is a point that we've raised here. Secondly, if he believes it causes cancer, how the hell is he morally

capable of selling it? Thirdly, I once tried to buy firewood off this guy. He wouldn't sell it to me because I refused to tell him if I had a man in my life to wield an axe. The pieces were too big to go on the fire and he did not believe I could cut them smaller by myself without a man present and or doing the hard work for me. Oh, old mate. Old mate.

Old mate. Old mate indeed. From the Invercargill Woodenish page to the Franklin Grapevine info sharing group, someone wants to know if it's possible for tattoos to be passed on genetically from parent to child. Yes. Wow. That's my favourite. I'm really worried that my baby will end up with a Playboy tramp stamp. Money tethered on her lower back.

Or a full sleeve. Yeah. It's pretty sleeve. Yeah. It's fun. It's very real. Wow. Do they just assume anyone that's ever had kids but also has tattoos

got the tattoos after they had the kids? Maybe, yeah. Okay. No, there's just to clear up absolutely no chance. Because I remember

being at school like primary school and all the kids had tattoos. Yeah. I found it especially sad for the white power children. Yeah. No fault of their own. No fault

of their own. Those swastikas were just being forced upon their foreheads. They didn't have any choice whatsoever. This one got sent to me. Now, I'm not going to say what page it's on because we've had incident with this page. We all know what it is now. But we've still got our moles on the inside.

Oh, yeah. It was upon this page that someone wrote help! Smiley face emoji with a sweat. Like a nervous smile sweat bead. Help! How do you get the smell of rotten blood out of the boot of your car?

Discuss. I'd have a lot of follow-up questions. That's a joke. So the questions started rolling in saying, the true crime addicted part of me is very curious about this whole situation right now. And other people are like, oh my God, same. Somebody else said, I've listened to enough podcasts to believe I can help you in some way.

Someone said, are you asking for a friend? They said, no, I'm being serious. I've got a Glade smelly thing on my boot at the moment and it's not helping at all. But still no explanation. Somebody else asks, I'm curious as to why there's rotten blood in your boot. And you know what? The person, our mole, said, this person never explained themselves.

They laughed about it. They took advice. They were like, thanks, I'll try it. Never explained themselves. No, it didn't come up with a dead animal excuse or a meat pack from the supermarket. Like they kill a pig or something and thought, were they not on the same level? You ran something over and you put it in the boot or? Yeah.

No explanation. Wow. Maybe they just thought people knew and they were joking. Like obviously I killed a pig in the wild and I put it in the boot of my car. Not on this page. Not on this page. Not on this page. No. I'm really confused.

Should we be worried? Well, I mean, you're certainly leaving an evidence trail for investigators. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was talking to someone who's a detective in South Auckland. Yeah. And she was saying, like, police just do so much work from their desk just on Facebook now. I bet they do. Because people are idiots. just on Facebook now. I bet they do. Because people are idiots.

Just people are fools. They're just stupid idiots. Well, the amount of community notices we get sent in was like drug listings. It's like, come on. Follow the, you know, follow the drugs, follow the money. Yeah. That's what the wire told me. Yeah.

Next, from the Lower Hut, Upper Hut, Buy and Swap, Buy, Sell and swap, buy, sell and swap page. It looks like it's meant to say Quinton, but it says Quanton. Okay. I don't know if I've spelt their name wrong or someone's just gone a little out there with the spelling.

Right. Any richies in Porirua looking for rich people? I need at least $400 if that's okay. I'll give you something in return. No mention of what? Of what?

The mind, yeah. Okay. But at least $400. Right. Any riches? Hey, rich people, you're riches. You know how you're rich? Do you want to give away some of your riches?

Yeah, I definitely will give you $400 for no reason and you not explain what it's for. No. Easy. I don't need any further details. This one from the Boycott Hawke's Bay online garage sale. Jolene

is selling something and the title of this ad simply says can't spell the word. She's selling something and she can't spell the word. $30 is what she's after. Works great. Near new. No holds, which means people can't be like,

can you hold that and I'll see if I've got the money. I can't spell what it is. I'm going to try. It sucks the moisture out of the air. Dehu, dehu-dumidifier. Oh, he tried. Sorry, my mind's everywhere. I can't spell this.

I mean, Google it. You're posting online. You're online. Have a go. I can't spell this. I mean, Google it. You're posting online. You're online. Have a go. You've got the internet. Google is the best spell check. Yeah. Like, autocorrect's rubbish.

Google, you type in a word, or like, word. If you're typing in words, it's just like, look, mate, I've got no idea. But ask Google. Google's going to get it 97%. D-E-H was all it took

for Google to tell me. D-humidifier. Yeah. This is D-humidifier. Oh, okay. Well, she didn't get the H. No a Google to tell me. Dehumidifier. Yeah. This is dehumidifier. Oh, okay. Well, she didn't get the E. No one knew Google wasn't helping. And Fletch, this has been sent in especially for you,

finally today for community notices. Is it a cat related? It's the other thing you were always hearing about. Oliver Jenks writes on the Christchurch Buy, Sell and Trade page, 59 caramilk blocks for sale. 59? Wanted. $299.

Oh, come on, mate. 59 limited edition caramilk cakes kept in a cool, dry storage for the last six months. Get your hands on some now. They are surely only months away from a new release. That's going to be a seasonal situation, eh, caramilk? They're going to keep us chasing the caramilk. They need to do that 24-7,

although the new Kit Kats are out. $5 a block. They're yum. That's not that bad. He must have got them for cheaper than that to warrant the storage and everything for six months. It's a long time. People like this ruining it for the rest of us. Being greedy. Those are today's community notices. If you see anything

on your local page, screen cap it and send it to us. You can find us on Facebook, FVMZM. FVM, the podcast. Witches have a problem with Sephora. They are accusing Sephora, the big makeup company. We don't have it in New Zealand, but it's black and white. But everyone goes crazy about it, eh? Overseas, yeah.

It's just a huge store full of all things makeup. This isn't a makeup thing, but they sell other goods. Yeah. So they are accusing, the witches are accusing Sephora of cultural appropriation because in the lead up to Halloween, they're doing a witch's starter kit. Where was I the other day? And I walked in and I was assaulted with Halloween. Everything.

Everything Halloween. Sharp. Were you at a costume store? Yes. That's where I went to get those googly eyes. After we talked about that fish place that was putting googly stick on eyes on the fish

I wanted to stick them on my cat but they don't have the ones that I bought. I got a $2.50 giant pack. They don't have self-adhesive. Self-adhesive, so I have to go and buy some double-sided tape. Still got to do that. You know what? This is your life.

Two out of the three people in this room have bought a bag of googly eyes without checking if they were self-adhesive, because I've done that before too. Oh, but you'd expect them to be self-adhesive, right? 100%. Well, read the pack. It probably says not self-adhesive. They were $2.50.

I was like, look how many googly eyes I'm getting. You need a hot glue gun. I'm not going to stick these everywhere. You need to bust out the Sally Ridge 3000. Yeah, but can you stick those to a cat? Oh, you can't hot glue gun your cat. No, I didn't think so. Okay.

Okay. So at Sephora, there's a witch's startup kit. It contains little tubes, which I guess you put things in, a little wound up thing of sage, which I think you're supposed to burn, a little rose quartz and tarot cards. Now, this is, it comes from, witches come from the pagan religion years and years and years ago, and lots of people really buy into it. So, they have felt the wrath, and people are saying,

my religion is not a trendy, overpriced aesthetic. Sephora selling witch kits actually makes me really upset. It isn't just something that you throw around. Did you mention, sorry, did you mention if there's black lippy or is the actual makeup? No, there's none of that. No, just Google it. Apparently there's perfume would be the only makeup-y type thing. But there's like, you can buy things that aren't just makeup.

Yeah, right. So people are very upset. How dare they sell stones and sage when you could come to my store, Sage and Stones, and buy things from me, an actual witch. No, but it's funny because one of them said, look, we do actually use everything in that pack, but it's not just for fun. But the thing is, like, people could use this and actually kind of get into it.

And I don't know, I find cultural appropriation hard because they're not taking the mickey out of it. Well, they're just making money out of it, aren't they? I know, but you could say that about anything. People who sell tarot cards are just wanting to make money because it's their business of making tarot cards. What you do with them is the culture, right? Yeah, again,

like you say, it's hard. I don't know. I don't know. But anyway, if you want a witch starter kit, support has the best. I struggle enough

understanding cultural appropriation and religious appropriations beyond me because it's all made up. Because then that would mean that we're not allowed to dabble in anyone's culture at all. You're not allowed to make food.

You're not, you know? I think it's picking and choosing what you want to profit off. Somebody explained it to me beautifully and God, I can't remember it. No, but people aren't always profiting. No, no, no, for sure. Profiteering. But yeah, culturally you can't deny

that these people have existed and it's happened. Yeah, yeah. Religion still. Like that Jamie Oliver thing when he was making his Jamaican jerk rice. Because I've got jerk seasoning. Why not use that now? But I'm not making money off it, so it's okay.

I don't know about food because I love all manner of foods. I'm going to do a final crockpot chicken with it, so don't tell anyone. Okay. What did your ancestry.com say about you? Do you have anything? No Jamaican.

2%? No Jamaican. No. See, at the time I was? Do you have anything? No Jamaican. 2%? No Jamaican. No. See, at the time I was like, that's weird, 3% Jamaican, but now I'll come over and you can cook me jerk chicken. Okay, and we'll be good. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Today's Top Six is about a Dutch nursing home that is also a university dorm.

This is actually a real heartwarming story. You can live in Humanitas Deventer in the Netherlands for free as long as you put in at least 30 hours a month. So that's like an hour a day helping out around the place. Oh, so that's how you pay for

your accommodation? Yeah, by helping out. Oh, okay. Helping out. So it's an intergenerational living scheme and it's been going for like six years and there's no shortage of people wanting to get in it

and there's more popping up. So the idea is while you're studying, you can live there for free, but you've got to help out the old people who also live there. And it's not helping them out

with like serious medical stuff. Right. Or like wiping their butts. Bingo. Doing bingo. It's literally doing things like that. Keeping them company. Talking to them. Reading to them.

If their eyesight's going, watching TV with them. And a great place to have a party as well because they won't hear you. They're all deaf. Well, he actually said that they love to get involved with the parties. We throw every single person, the guy that they talk to are sores who live there. We throw birthday parties for every single one of them.

And one time one of them said, my grandkids have talked about beer pong. Can we play that? And they play beer pong. I was just going to say play beer pong. They actually do. Yep. The only trouble is you get friendly with like Beryl and Bert and then. Then they die.

How heartbreaking would that be? It's bad enough when your own grandparents pass away. Now you're adopting all these other people. I guess it would teach you about death though, wouldn't it? And might give you an appreciation for living. You're I guess it would teach you about death though, wouldn't it? And might give you an appreciation for living. You're a uni, I hope you've... True, true.

An appreciation for the life you've got. It would. It would be quite interesting. One of the 93-year-old residents who lived there has lived there for 11 years. She moved in with her husband.

He's since passed away. She said, my body's in its 90s, but mentally I feel like I'm still in my 20s since I'm surrounded by all these young people. And that might be all

she needs to sustain another 10 years. Exactly. And she said, you know, she feels happy and healthy and she wakes up and she knows

there's someone to talk to and that's the thing. They reckon old people just die of loneliness a lot of the time. They just kind of give up and clock out and then the mind goes and the body's soon to follow. Okay.

So apparently this is something that she, this resident said, I can't see why more countries around the world aren't doing this. And this would be a good thing. I think New Zealanders would be into it. You'd have to run them through some checks before you chuck them with a whole bunch of old people. They're not going to try to get in their wills or rip them off. Yeah. But there's a nice benefit in a measure. If they had no kids and no family, they had a whole bunch of old people. Like they're not going to try to get in their wills or rip them off. Yeah. But there's a nice benefit

in a measure of they had no kids and no family if they had a bit of cash. Yeah. Do the hard yards, get a bit of ping-pang. Yeah. So the top six things

that could also share a building today. Okay. As uni halls in our rest time. Number six on the list, library. Yeah.

Ex-typing classes. Because you're teaching people how to type, you just get them to reproduce the books and then when someone like wrecks the book or just tears a page out

you get them to retype the page then you just stick it in nice or you're just like oh we need three more copies of Fifty Shades of Grey yeah

so for type in class today we're each going to do a chapter okay no mistakes easy done how great's that it might be a little bit

oh no because in my head I was they were using a typewriter, but they're not. They're using a computer. Number five on the list of the top six things that could also share a space, a museum and a zoo.

When they're alive, you go to see them in the zoo park, but when they die, you just like taxi-do them and put them in the other side. Literally just move them across. Yeah, transport costs.

Yeah. Easy. Right down. And the kids can still go and see their favourite zoo things. They're just in the museum side now. Number four on the list of the top six things they could also share a building, a gym and a photography

class because most people seem to like to take photos at the gym to prove they've been there or something. I don't know what's the theory behind that one. Number three on the list of the top six things they could share a space, a bank and a furniture store. So while you're waiting for the old person who's in the bank with a hundred questions and not listening properly,

you can wait and check out some furniture because it's like sitting on a couch and seeing if it's comfy. Nice. Number two on the list of the top six things that could share a space, childcare and a clothes manufacturer. Get the kids skilled up. Get some clothes out of there. Get them on the sewing machines. My first sewing machine. Yeah. Drop the kids at up. Get some clothes out of it. Get them on the sewing machines.

My first sewing machine. Drop the kids at candy. My first pair of shoes. Yep, they'll get better. Good idea. Yeah. And the number one thing that could share a space on today's top six, any workplace and a meme appreciation society.

Because if you're not spending a good portion of your day taking your workmates and friends in memes that relate to them at a primal level, are you even really at work? Not really, no. That's today's top six. Yesterday, we hear in the group chat that intern Anya has had a spend up. Again, like...

Another spend up. She's worse than you, Megan. She is. She's officially worse than me. Well, how's that whole living with mum and dad and saving the money you would have spent on rent going? I am looking lush. You used to pay a little bit of rent, right? Yeah.

And the rest goes on shopping. The rest goes on personal investments. What did you do yesterday? You went for a facial. Yeah, you know, it's all important to have self-care, I've decided. Oh my god. You're hemorrhaging money, aren't you? You've got to take this time for yourself.

You know, it's important. You don't get that. You don't get, hey, yesterday's not coming around again tomorrow. Don't get it started. Don't need any encouragement. No. Yeah, so I popped in for a wee facial, got a little bargain, which was great. Went to a new place and got chatting to the girl

and she was like, she was about my age and she was telling me all about how she'd started this business a few months ago and I was like, yeah, girl power. I said this was her

little business. Yeah, it was just like part of her house. Is it a text run off? That's a text run off. That's a great text run off too because she'd probably say the garage is storage.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so it was all girl power, you know. She's early 20s, starting out this wee business. A few months in, I was like, oh. And this was a real bargain of a facial. And I was like, this is grand. And then it came to the end of it, and she

was kind of like, oh, so how do you feel about your current skincare at home? And I was like, oh, pretty A-OK with it. Just middle of the road, it's all fine. And then she asked me about my products I was like, oh, pretty A-OK with it. Just middle of the road, it's all fine. And then she asked me about my products I was using and I couldn't remember any of the names

and then... This is so classic, aren't you? Here comes the sales pitch. Swing, bada bada swing! Pretty much, yeah. I was like, oh, what's that $10 supermarket special brand called? You never say that. You say you've got some great brands at home that you're very happy with.

I don't need anything right now. Yeah, but then she'd be like, well, your skin's not telling you that. So, I don't know. No, so, yeah. And then she was basically just like, oh, well, it might be a really good idea to, you know, get some of our range.

I can make you a little deal. And we had gotten on really well during the facial. We'd had a bit of a chat about life. And then I thought, you know what? I can make you a little deal. And we had gotten on really well during the facial. We'd had a bit of a chat about life. And then I thought, you know what? I can't say no now. I'm in a relaxed state. I'd let the guard down. And I ended up spending some

money on a whole new skin care range that I really didn't need. How much money? $170. She did you a deal. No offence to your face, but it's not worth that. You could have just bought a moisturiser. Your face is a $17 moisturiser. Oh my God, you should never have told these two.

Even when we get off here, you know you're going to wear it. And then you're like, do you have any money to pay today? Pay this five days away. Oh my God. How many things did you get? So you're doing it in a minute to a period. Period is five days away. Oh, Anya. Oh, my God. How many things did you get? So you got a moisturiser.

Like, how many items? I've got so many great things. So I've got a cleansing tone. I've got a moisturiser. Oh, my God. I've got a treatment peel and a serum. I've never had a serum before, but it's going to change my world.

Serums are a bunch of BS, right? No, you need serum. You simply need a serum. You didn't need the toner. What does it do? It's like a moisturiser. It's an intensive moisturiser. you need serum. You simply need a serum. You didn't need the toner. What does it do? It's like a moisturiser. It's an intensive moisturiser. A super serum. Okay. But you couldn't say

no because she was so nice. She was so nice and I really liked that she was out here on the grind making her own business. I was like, support your local hood. You don't need to blow your own hard-earned money on you. Which I didn't realise until I got in the car and I was like,

that was silly, Anna. You shouldn't have done that. That was a bit silly. And it's pretty good when you get to the car and you've got something and you're like, I did not need those socks. God damn it, Foot Locker. You've done it again. This is like the time that you bought something because the guy was hot.

You know, like the Greenpeace? I got roped into $50 a month for them because the guy was hot. You know the Greenpeace? I got roped into $50 a month for them because the guy was hot. And he had a cute British accent. I was like, yes sirree, I will pay that. He's like, do you like dolphins and whales? I was like, yes I do. I love them.

He's like, $50 a month like them? I'd be like, nah. But I've been roped into those ones in the mall where you walk past and they're like, can I just put this on your hand? You be like, nah. But I've been roped into those ones in the mall where you walk past and they're like, can I just put this on your hand? You're like, yeah. The Dead Sea people were shocking at that. Aren't they bust now?

No. You know, they got investigated. They got in trouble. They got in trouble. I think Campbell Live harpooned their boat before they had their own boat harpooned. They polished my hand and then they had like a nail file that made my nails look shiny. I was like, I am all in. And I spent about a hundred bucks with them.

Oh yeah, they get you. No, they had a lot of complaints, but they're not. No, they're not, Megan. I don't believe so. I just gave them a plug. Yeah. Oh. What?

Goodness me. They're reeling at the cost of Arnie's spin. That's ridiculous. That doesn't include the facial, right? No. Good lord. But you said the facial was a bargain. That's how they get you there.

They get you there with the bargain, and then they sell you on the good stuff. And it's like every day is going to be a facial now, and it's all about taking that time for yourself, guys. It's an investment into tomorrow's me. You're going to give me a brain aneurysm one day. An investment into tomorrow's me. You are definition to give me a brain aneurysm one day. I'm going to fix it into tomorrow's me. You are definition of millennial.

Like, look up millennial. There'll be a picture of you there with your smile on. And your facial. You'll have a glow to you. You'll have a glow to you. Not a pimple for day. No.

Easy come, easy go. Could we take some calls now? When the salesperson got you, like they were too nice and you couldn't say no. And once they start talking to me, I'm like, oh, I'm spending money here. I can't talk to them.

I can't engage. I've got to look at my phone. No, I'm ruthless on the street. Yeah, me too, because I know that if something's really cheap, it's because there's going to be a sale. And I love going for the cheap thing, and then they try the sale on, and you're like, oh, no thanks, no thanks.

And they're like, but it was, yeah, yeah. It was cheap. Welcome to my life. Peace. So whenever you've been in a similar situation, the salesperson was too nice or maybe they were hot. You can admit they were hot and that's how they got you. Hot and nice.

Or they said that you look really good in those clothes and then you get home, you're like, I don't look good in these, do I? Like, I like your glasses. Oh, and your eyes are even cuter. Oh, what are you selling I? I like your glasses. Oh, and your eyes are even cuter. Why are you? Oh, what are you selling me? I'm buying it. Okay, so 0800-DARLES-NM, you can text 9696.

When did you buy it? Because of the salesperson. F-E-M. Are we talking about when the salesperson sells you themself, really? Yeah. Aye, because that's technically what we're talking about. They're too nice.

Yeah, they're too nice. They're too good at the sales pitch. And you end up buying because of them, not because you necessarily need the product or want to spend that much money. Quite often they're hot. That helps as well. Yeah.

Or they give you a compliment. Yeah. Somebody said this was a classic, one of those cheap things that seems cheap, a $49 photo shoot. Oh, yeah. A free makeover at a shoot and a free portrait at the end. And ended up spending $2,000 on extra portraits

because she kept complimenting how good I looked. Oh my god. And she hadn't had to Photoshop any of them at all. I thought Anya was bad enough with a $200 facial and moisturiser. The worst part about it was that she actually had Photoshopped them all because there's no way my eyes are that blue. But who was I to disagree?

They looked great. You look fabulous. Sarah, what happened? Hello. So I'd been day drinking as a past 20. I'd been day drinking. No further questions, Your Honour.

Not guilty. Every story should start with okay. So I was day drinking. Okay, so. It was a good start. And a nice young man came and knocked on the door and he vacuumed my house. It was so dirty.

Like, he showed me all the dirt. He showed me the dirt on my mattress and all that sort of thing. And he had, like, this $3,000 vacuum cleaner. Oh, are these the same guys that have been in the news for like ripping off like old people? Yeah, they rip off 20-year-olds as well. Yeah, and I didn't have a car or anything

so I ended up having to, and I put it like I had to get a loan for the vacuum cleaner and he offered me a bottle of wine if I bought it. So I did. Well, you've been day drinking. You've probably run out. You said you've got no car, so you can't drive anywhere to get another bottle of wine. He definitely saw what his clients needed.

And, yeah, so he never bought me the wine. And my friends still, I'm 31 now, my friends still give me flack about it. Do you still have the vacuum cleaner? No, I sold it for $300 two years ago, and it was mostly unused. Oh my God. Was it actually a good vacuum cleaner? Or was it just rubbish? Just your average vacuum? or was it just rubbish? Just your average vacuum cleaner? It was, I used it for carpet cleaning once and that was good.

But outside of that, it wasn't the best, no. All right, I can see you probably got about $500 a use out of it then by the sounds of it. Yeah, it had a turbo though, so that was exciting. A turbo? Yeah. So you get it cranking and you're like, it's just not enough suction.

My vacuum cleaner's got a button and it's like max power. It's like, shouldn't it always be max power? Why do I want a half-sucking vacuum cleaner? Like, think about it. Yeah, weird. Okay, all right. Thanks for your call, Sarah. Steph, good morning.

When was the salesperson too good? Las Vegas, unfortunately. Okay. Have you been day drinking, Steph? No, I haven't been. I don't even have that as an excuse. Okay, so what happened, Steph? What were you sold?

I was sold this amazing eye cream. And the lady was lovely. She had a fabulous Italian accent, and she was really pretty. And she looked like a million dollars, I must admit. And she had this amazing eye cream, and she applied it a million dollars, I must admit. Yeah. And she had this amazing eye cream and she applied it around my eyes and you could actually watch the creases disappear. I know the eye cream.

It was fantastic. And I was just like, holy shit, this is incredible stuff. You're not talking about like some kind of putty or filler. No. Yeah, she put a bit of skin-coloured polyfill on and ran a scraper around my face like a jib stopper and filled in all the gaps. No. Yeah, she put a bit of skin coloured polyfill on and ran a scraper around my face like a jib stopper and filled in all the gaps. No, doesn't it just work and then when

you wash it off it goes back? So all it does is when it dries it tightens the skin underneath there? Yeah, that's pretty much it. But what was interesting was over the course of the day I went to the toilet and I looked in the mirror and I had this weird white residue around my eye

and I'm like, okay, that's not normal. It rubs off. Yeah. And then I don't think that I even got the same stuff that what she was using on me as a demo was different to what I even purchased because that never worked at all. Oh, no.

Did you ever get an answer on what was in that syringe? At the demo? I reckon it's egg white, honestly. Because if you use egg white, you can physically watch your skin tighten up. Wow, okay. And I think in the syringe it was probably shampoo or conditioner or something. How much did you spend, Steph? Well, $170 US dollars.

Oh, Steph! Oh, Steph! Oh, there are so many Anyas in the world. Steph. It's a world of Anyas. Thanks, you cool. Steph, ask some text messages in. We were in New Orleans and went into a fudge shop with friends

on the sneaky free sample binge. Yeah, good. The girl behind the counter was brilliant, singing, dancing. I would describe her as making my life better to be living. I ended up buying a pound of chocolate fudge and left her a tip. I hate fudge, but all up, that was an over $30 US tip just because she was awesome. Wow.

Somebody else said, I work in retail and have been in sales for over five years. I am my own worst enemy because I can sell myself things. Sal said, I work in retail and have been in sales for over five years. I am my own worst enemy because I can sell myself things. In a store, I ran through the eight golden steps to successful sales in my mind and convinced myself that all the future benefits and features will enhance my lifestyle. In conclusion, I spent $600 on pet accessories that day. They are both necessary and practical for any cat lover out there. Oh, my God.

I bet they've got a great cat tower. You know, we heard before the Scottish, the guy with the accent, the Italian accent. Somebody said it's the accents that get me every time. If it's a cute little Irish guy trying to sell me something outside the supermarket, I'll end up signing up for it. I actually have a friend who I take shopping if we go anywhere, walking down a street where there's going to be people likely to sign us up

because she's so hard. She can be like, please leave my friend alone. She's very susceptible to these sorts of things. She loves your sexy accent. She loves the sexy accent. Back away. Yeah, someone's still paying $25 a month on a 12-month minimum contract to a charity just because of a Scottish man

who flirted with me outside the supermarket. I hear you. Thanks to a wonderful salesperson at a well-known male clothes store, I went in needing one shirt and I walked out with four shirts, two pairs of jeans and two suits because apparently you need two suits. And extra points to the person who was at university and got roped into the Kony 2012 thing who spent over $100 on a couple of posters and a T-shirt.

That T-shirt, I'd wear that T-shirt now. Oh, it'd be ironically funny, wouldn't it? Apart from the whole, you know, cause of the charity. Oh, that was terrible. That was terrible. But then remember the guy got caught like masturbating in public and dancing on a car naked That was hilarious happen I need everybody in the show producers Megan born to get your overrating ready, please

It's on the main screen. Oh, cuz the flame is in my name because when you said everybody on the show didn't Thanks, sir. I was doing that thing that radio consultants tell you to do. Say everybody's name so everybody knows who's on the show. You're right, Fletch. You should say the name often and plentiful. Thank you. You were given the name?

That's Vaughn. That's Vaughn talking now? No, that's me. It's more subtly than that. Oh, okay, sorry. I'm just going to say the name. Lots, Fletch. Isn't that right, Megan? Yes, Vaughn. That's Vaughn talking now. No, that's me. It's more subtly than that. Oh, okay, sorry. I'm just going to say the name. Lots. Fletch.

Isn't that right, Megan? Yes, Vaughn. Thank you, Megan. Okay. Fletch is laughing. Go ahead, Fletch. Fletch is the one with the laugh. Okay, so yesterday, if you've got Uber, you may have received an email, and I didn't read

it because it's like another one of those, we've updated our policies and guidelines. Oh, I assumed it was you have to change your password because something happened. Well, I just swiped and deleted. But apparently, well, I'd missed the news, and I've read this this morning, that from September 19, and the date today is the 6th, so what's that, a week or so away? From September 19.

Well, that's actually the worst maths in the world. It's closer to two weeks away, isn't it? Yeah, it's like 12 days. A week away. Significantly more. 13 days. You are so bad at maths, Fletch. 13 days.

Yeah, it's pretty much two weeks. Okay, well, whatever, Fletch. In two weeks' time, Uber will introduce a new system that penalises those whose rating dips below four stars. So if you go to a 3.9, you will receive a friendly email from Uber just to remind you to be polite to the drivers. And here's one that I didn't even think about. And I've had a couple of drivers say this to me.

So be nice to drivers and also to pick up or choose locations where the driver can easily stop. Because I had a guy go septic at me because I picked a bus stop. But there were no buses. I was like, oh, quick. They're not allowed to. They can get in trouble.

Yeah, so apparently they will mark you down if it's not a safe place. Because also they can get in trouble for picking up in a bus stop. Or like, say, for example, broken yellow lines, side of the road where it's not safe. So they, I believe they can mark you down for that. What if when you order it, they're like, don't stop, just slow right down and wind down the back window. I'll take care of the rest.

But that might damage your car. They might not like that. Oh, that's a risk I'm willing to take. And do you know another one? Because sometimes if you're coming from the airport or whatever, you might slam the boot, but you're not used to it and it might slam too hard. I've done that once.

I was like, oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, but you do that when you're in my car. I don't like mark you down on a friendship scale. I'm like, hey, you don't need to put it through the bottom. Your boot is real loose. I know. It's a loose boot. Well, it started out tight.

It started out as a tight boot. But over time, it's got old. And it's the little things with the air in it, they get soft. You slam everyone's boot. I do. You put it. They get soft. You slam everyone's boot. I do. You put it through the, you should try my dad's boot. Is it a real hard one? It's way looser than my boot.

It's because it's got a tail on it as well. It's got a little spoiler on it. It's all the weight it needs. And then you give it a bit of a push. So after you've been warned a couple of times, you'll be sent two to three follow-up emails, six-month ban. Because it's the same for drivers.

If they drop below a certain level, they get banned. So it's only fair that there's some mutual respect. I'm all for it. You get banned for six months, but then how are you supposed to get your rating back up? Just start a new account, I'm assuming. So that's the top, like, technically. You mark them out of five, right?

It should be below three then because that's your top. Here's a statistic. Australia and New Zealand, nine out of ten customers have a rating 4.5 or higher. So the people

that are dipping below are sc5 or higher. Okay. So the people that are dipping below are scummy vomitors, probably. I'm assuming. Vomiting the thing that you used to put the book in in the back of the seat. So I thought we'd go around the room. Let's start with Megan. What's your Uber rating?

Why do we have to start with me? Out of five, just because. Mine is 4.74. What have you done? I'm higher than Megan. How is this possible? They probably marked her down because one night on the way home,

she got a little handsy with Toyboy and they were like, it was really weird. She was with her nephew and she wouldn't keep her hands off him. No, actually, how is this possible? I always think of where they're going to pull over.

I'm so polite. What? No, seriously, how are you more than me? You slammed the boat. When we go places, Megan is the best passenger. Yeah, but I don't talk to them.

I'm just like... Yeah, you slam the boot. You don't talk to them. Like, you just pick up the ride anywhere and then you take five minute rides. Can you go back and see who marked you down? No, you can't see that. Oh, that sucks. Because I'd write them a wee email.

So I'm a 4.84. Why'd you mark me so low? The only reason I'm marked down is because Caitlin's been in the Uber a couple of times and PJ that night and the filth coming out of PJ in your mouth was disgusting. Not me, it's definitely PJ.

Yeah, it's mostly him. I'm so nice. I get their numbers. Like, remember that guy that took us to the cricket and I sent him photos of the cricket because he couldn't go. That's right. You were updating him with the cricket sports. I was updating him with the cricket and I sent him photos of the cricket because he couldn't go. That's right. You were updating him with the cricket sports. I was updating him with the cricket

and sending photos. So you're next then. What's yours out of five? 4.76. You're only just above me. How is... Seriously, how is Caitlin more than me?

Producer James? I'm a solid 4.81, which I'm pretty happy about. Oh, 4.81. So at the moment, I'm the highest. Hey, didn't you... 4.84. You vomited.

How am I the lowest? Did you? That was a long, long time ago. You vomited and you're higher than me. Not in one, out the door, on the motorway. We were going 100k, so I'd say not a lot got on the car. See, if I was the Uber driver, I'd give you a five because you've made a real solid effort not to vomit in my Uber.

And he's on the motorway. I can't ask him to stop because he'll probably mark me down even more. Exactly. He's telling himself on the motorway. You actually did him a huge favor. Into an Anya. 4.97. Oh, piss.

How often have you used it, though? Nah, heaps. I'm just a dream to have in the back of the car. You're such a kiss-ass. Vaughn. I'm so mega pissed about have in the back of the car. You're such a kiss-ass. Born. I'm so mega pissed about this. 4.9. You hardly use it, though, to be fair.

I've used it quite a few times. No, you've used it five times. Haven't you? Five times. No, I use it quite a... I've used it more often lately. Oh, I don't... How do you find out?

I don't know. Your trips. Back to me. You don't go out. How am I the lowest? Out of everyone on the show, I'm the dream. You've got that air about you. Air of what?

I don't know. You've just got a four-star air about you. No, I think you do lots of short trips. No, I don't. Yeah, because whenever we go out for lunch or anything, you'll be like, oh, I've got heels on. I don't do lots of short trips. It's Carl Peter Fletcher.

Also, you are a bad farter as well. I am, simply and not. I've taken 20 Uber trips this year alone. Okay, that's pretty good. But that was my fault because when I'd only taken two, I had a 4.99. Oh, okay. But the more I take.

It doesn't count. You've got to have at least a few rides. Do they mark me down if I don't give them anything? Because sometimes I don't rate them. They don't know. Okay. Because I just get out and walk away and it's like, hey, bing, bing, hey, do you want to give us a rating out of five for Steve?

I'm like, nah. And then I'm wondering if that reflects poorly on either of us. No, I don't think they know. I don't think they know. All right. Your chance to win cash is Megan's just sulking. I'm just thinking, can I actually email them and be like, can you just give me a breakdown?

I'll write to the drivers and be like, hey, hey babes, I'm so sorry if I came off badly. Remember me, I'm obviously about average. Seven months ago, I got in your Uber. Record show, I entered the Uber at 12.30 and exited the Uber at 12.47. Now, in that 17 minute period, what did I do that upset you so much that you're not going to give me five stars? Hi, everybody. Hi, Megan. Hi, Vaughn. Hi, F in here. Hi, everybody.

Hi, Megan. Hi, Vaughn. Hi, Fletch. Hi, Vaughn. I was just wondering what, like, your thoughts are. Here we go. Here we go. Like, what would be your thoughts if somebody was to get a new appliance and just leave on the energy rating sticker?

Is this because when you got your TV the other week, you sent me a photo? Yeah. And the stickers were still on there, on the screen. I've still got the sticker on my fridge. Which one? The star rating. If I'd been here for that weekend of your party,

I would have just got drunk and peeled it off myself. I wouldn't care. I just haven't done it. How can you leave it on? It's not aesthetically pleasing. I just haven't done it. How can you leave it on? It's not aesthetically pleasing. It's an energy rating sticker that you're meant to peel off the moment you install your fridge.

Okay. I'll go home and I'll peel it off for you. It's like people that still have the water saving sticker on their toilets and stuff. I want people to know that I'm not using my fish here

every time I flush. For when you're buying the toilet, peel it off. Oh my God, it does my head off. Okay, you've got me started. You happy?

Yeah. But it's not like an easy peel sticker. You know those ones that are plastic and you just pick it and it all like falls off? Oh, and if it rips,

you've got to get some eucalyptus oil. No, everyone should have a bottle of Dissolve It at their house. Magic stuff. It's like a really strong sticker.

I don't want to like half-ass that, you know, like have half ripped. But the ones on your TV and your fridges should peel off easy. I want to try. It's because you've left it on so long. Oh, yeah. Oh, God.

And I peel off on FPOS machines and dairies. I've said this heaps. But yeah, I peel off the little protective screen cover. Don't leave that on there. Aren't they doing that to keep it nice? No, but it flops around and it gets all manky. No, because if you take that off, they're going to cover it in glad wrap. That's even naked.

Oh, I hate it. I use that cover. That's not yours to peel off either. That's theirs. Why do it when they're not looking? Do you want to know something great? What? There are two electrical appliances in this workplace,

on this floor, that have still got their stickers on them. I'm not going to tell you where they are or what they are. That's huge. None in here. There's a show today. No, no, none in here. Everyone around here is just going to see you storming through the bottom level. It's so frustrating.

Get it off. Like a mad old crazy man. Like people that you spend a couple of thousand dollars on a really nice TV, you put it up on the wall or on the TV cabinet, and it's just got four stars. Eco-saver TV. Or like, it's got Freeview. And they leave it on there.

What are you, a monster? I just left mine on there, the stickers I left on my TV, because I wanted to get it all sorted before I took it off, because that's sort of a protective... Yeah, but then you took them off, right? They've still got a little bit. There's one on the back. I'm just going to leave it on there.

I'm going to leave the one on my fridge so that... Just because you told me to take it off. And I'm going to save it for when you come over. I did that on my washing machine, though. When I got a washing machine, I left it on to wind them up. And I left it on for too long and now you can't take it off. This is the kind of belligerent attitude that gets you a low Uber rating.

See, you don't see it. We see it. If you're an Uber driver, you're like, look, before we go, can I look around your house? See if you're going to even lift any stickers on any appliances or such.

You're doing it to yourself, Megan. Doing it to yourself. You may remember, was it earlier this year or the end of last year? A story broke that these monkeys, the squirrel monkeys in Wellington. At the zoo.

Yeah, not just wild. This gang of squirrel monkeys that you may or may not see around Wellington. You see them running past Lambie Cay sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. I always blame them for breaking the bucket fountain. They're always up to monkey business. So it turns out that their enclosure was broken into and they said one of the monkeys was hurt.

I remember this happening. I know. It was real sad. And we're like, what's wrong with people? What's... Well, it turns out it was a drunken fool's attempt to oppress a girl. He was going to steal her a squirrel monkey.

Did she say she wanted a squirrel monkey? Just quick poll of females in the room. Megan, you're dating someone and he turns up drunk at your house. You let him in and he's got a squirrel monkey. Impressed or not? Upsetting. Very upsetting. Really?

Where did you get this from? But would there not be a moment of, oh my God, can I have a plate? You definitely cuddle it while you're waiting for the authorities. A little quick cuddle. Yeah. And give it a banana. Yeah. And then the authorities get there and you're like, I'm sorry, the squirrel monkey got away.

But my baby, who is in this cot, is asleep. Very small baby, I know. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, furry. Yes, yes, don't bring it up in front of the baby producer Caitlin I'd 100% run up to him and be like

oh my god I don't like you and then I'd be like hang on a minute where did this come from we can't have monkeys outside this guy's no angel

described as being on a crime spree for seven months so a machine I've got a feeling you don't hide your rat baggery that well

no bad boys people love a bad boy. Yeah, they do, don't they? Would you be impressed? Yeah, put a ring on it. He's an adventurer. He's like an urban Indiana Jones. Yeah, tickles my fancy.

Getting there with the monkeys and such. So it turns out that he actually... The monkeys got the better of them. He got a broken leg, a broken tooth, and multiple bruises because I don't know if they just like. So like to be cuddled? Remember in Talladega Nights where that kid's like, I'm going to come at you like a squirrel monkey,

a spider monkey, and they must have. There must have been some truth to that. I don't know how they did it, how they got him over, how they broke the leg, but yeah. Wow. They put an end to his crime spree because obviously he was quite injured. But he tried to steal a squirrel monkey

to impress a girl. I know what she'll like. A squirrel monkey. And it was at night time, right? You'd imagine it's night time that she's getting that wee present. But no word if she was like there. Oh, yeah, okay.

Why didn't I get you a monkey? What, like the fair or something? Yup. And then you just hear these comical sounds and screaming and then he doesn't come back and you're like good leg, no shoe, banana skin on his head, all the classic signs of someone who's been in a little fisticuffs with a monkey.

So we want to know this morning what did someone try to give you to impress you? Maybe they, somebody stole you something. Maybe a memento. Or maybe just a huge gift and it was too soon. You know people that buy a really expensive gift too soon? Yeah. Yeah.

It makes them look suspicious. Yeah, or just it's too much. I remember in the early 2000s, heck, girls loved it if you could get a road sign with their name on it. Did they? Did they? Did they? Megan Road? Like steal it and then gift it to them? Yeah, hard to get off the pole, so you're best just to take the whole thing.

Okay. Open the door, I've got you a present. Oh my God. Open the door. I don't want to open the door, I'm scared. I've got your sign with your name on it. Are you holding a weapon? No, it's the wrong side.

You're going to wake the neighbours. I'll give them a red sun with their name on it too. So make up for it. But that says geothermal hot pools, 500 metres. God damn it. I'm going the wrong one. I'll be back in 15, 20 minutes. Uber driver, back to where we came from.

So, 0800-DARZANM9696, what did somebody get you to impress you? Turns out... Oh, no! It turns out the monkey enclosure break in Wellington Zoo last year, it turns out after it's break in Wellington Zoo last year It turns out after it's been in the courts yesterday Was a man's attempt to steal a monkey to impress a girl

So we want to know what somebody's tried to gift you to impress you This is so great We're getting some stories and calls coming through Where do we start? Let's start with some texts When I was 16 I always wanted a lion tattoo as my name means lioness. And then my high school boyfriend surprised me by getting a lion face tattooed over his heart. For her.

Too much. Dumped him a few months later. Hashtag dodged a bullet. It's for Eva, isn't it? Yeah. It didn't have a name in it though or anything, did it? Because if you just say like I got this tattoo for you because I like lions

you're like okay. I'm a huge fan of lions. As long as it didn't have a name in it. No name. Somebody else said I was one of those people referred to in the early

2000s that received a road sign. I got gifted Fletcher Road a sign apparently that comes from Waimauku. Because I always

still have it But it wasn't like a gift I was like oh my god thank you so much from the heart Because I always drive past that one When you drive between Auckland and Hamilton Fletcher Road and Huntley Good news is you'll bypass that soon So you won't be tempted

Not good news for Huntley but good news for your temptation Somebody else said he turned up With a suitcase full of shoes And clothes that I'd been looking at when we went shopping. Right. Thank you. I didn't buy them because I didn't actually need them.

I was just like, oh, that's nice, but you say that about things. Luckily, there was a receipt in there so I could return them. What force? Did she get herself some store credit? Did she get the refund? I hope so.

Why did she return it? Because she said she didn't really want it. A bit creepy though, isn't it? On the first year. See, there's this idea, Megan, that you don't need to buy stuff that you don't really need. But she pointed out that she wanted it. No, she said it's nice.

I would have been like, why didn't I point out more? Ashley, what did somebody give you to try and impress you? Hey, so this guy came back from the Philippines just before my birthday. And he gave me a little coin purse, but it was actually a dead toad. A what? A dead toad. And they had taken the eyes out and glued on little boggly eyes.

We've heard of this too often this week. It wasn't a purse. It was an animal turned into a purse. Yes, correct. Right. So they took the guts out and put a little zip on the bum. The zip was on the bum. So I would have thought it would have been one of those clasp coin purses

on the mouth of the toad. So you could go click, open it, coins in, click, shut. No, but the mouth was open so you could see inside the mouth too. Oh, my God. Can you even bring those back into the country? And did that make you like him more or no? No, I ended up telling him I was going to file a restraining order. He was quite a weird guy.

Oh, right. Okay, that's an end round, isn't it? No, all right. But see, women are confusing because they want like a leather handbag made from like an alligator, but they don't want one made from a toad and they're both like amphibians, you know. So confusing. You can see the max signals we're getting here.

Yeah, make up your mind. Alicia, what did a guy get you to impress you? Well, a few years ago, my first and only Tinder date. Yep. Never again. I rocked up and he brought me a, it was a Stolen Girlfriends Club box. And I was like, oh. You should have seen how quickly

Mia's neck snapped around to the microphone when you said Stolen Girlfriends Club on the first date. She was like, marry him! Marry me! Marry the man! Wow! So he gave you like a little, it's a jewellery box, right?

Yeah, so it's like black, you know, the black. And so what was in it? It was a necklace that was the heart with the crossbones and it said, I love you to death. I've got it. Oh, no. Oh, my. Have you got that necklace?

How much would that be worth? I don't know. I think, mate, like 200-ish or plus. Yeah, like 270 bucks or something. On a first date and it's got the I love you in it, that's mate, like, 200-ish or plus. Yeah, like, 270 bucks or something. On a first date, and it's got the I love you in it, that's a bit creepy, isn't it? It's too much. Jewellery on the first date's too much,

plus jewellery that says love you to death is too much. And then, but that's not all. Like, he sent me to my address, like, a box of three Tiffany & Co pieces of jewellery. Alicia, why haven't you married this man? How hot are you? You didn't give all this jewellery. A 15 out of 10?

What's your magic trick? I think there's a few signs that I wouldn't marry him. Right. But you keep the jewellery, eh? Of course. It's too much. Alicia, thanks for your call.

Some other text messages. I dated a guy and broke up with him because he was a bit too much. For six weeks straight, after I broke up with him, he would leave a dozen fresh eggs and a block of chocolate on my doorstep every Thursday. What?

Had to stop. Is there a story behind the eggs? Maybe he had hens, because people who have chickens always have a good supply of fresh eggs. What's this person doing now? Because I love both eggs and chocolate. And you're... He's like, Zazie and I couldn't get through 12 eggs a week.

But... Oh, I don't know if I could. Was there text messages and everything too? Or was it just the eggs and chocolate? Maybe just the eggs and chocolate. Because I'm okay with that. What kind of chocolate? Could I leave a note to specify which chocolate?

I went on a date with a girl once. Yeah, can we switch up though? I love Black Forest, just not and chocolate. Because I'm okay with it. What kind of chocolate? Could I leave a note to specify which chocolate? I went on a date with a girl once. Yeah, can we switch up though? I love Black Forest, just not every week. I went on a date with a girl once at uni and she turned up, she's like, oh, I bought you some eggs. I was like, thank you. And I was just like, this is great.

Because I was like, did she have chickens though? Because we grew up with chickens and you just could not get rid of the eggs. So then I was like, these are great. And she's like, there's something a bit special about those eggs. I was like, what? She said, they're all double yokers. Held them up to the light myself. I was like, what?

Because I'd never heard of a double yoker. I'm a simple farm lad. Can you hold an egg up to the light? Yeah, that's how you can tell if it's a double yoker. You hold it up to a special light and you can see the two yokes. I was like, she'd hand-picked me a 12 it's a double yoker. You hold it up to a special light and you can see the two yolks. She'd hand-picked me a 12-pack of double yokers. So did she work at an egg factory?

I don't know. There must have been some chickens involved somewhere. I don't think she took the light to the supermarket and went through the entire egg. But you are the kind of weird person that's like... I remember it. Yeah, well, I can just imagine her thinking, this will impress old Vaudo. He'll be blown away.

But there's double yokers. Some other text messages. Lots of people getting road signs. And they were just like, I don't want this road sign. I received a cassette full of self-recorded, self-written, self-performed songs. They were all about me. Oh.

Every single song was about a different thing he liked about me. It was pretty shit-ass to be honest. And it was creepy. After one date, a girl turned up at my house at the plant, a bedside table, a lamp, a multi-board, chocolates, and a card about how much she loves me at 1am. Whoa. Okay. Is she redecorating your room or something? chocolates and a card about how much she loves me at 1am. Whoa! Okay, jeez.

Is she redecorating your room or something? Well, maybe you didn't have those things. I guess if she's going to be staying over a bit more, she'll need a multi-box to charge her phone. Yeah. And a bedside table to put it on. A guy I knew from school, I'd never spoken to him. Yeah.

I knew his name, but just like how you know people's name when you go to school with them. Turned up at my front door in a tuxedo with a watch for me, with a note that said there are 24 hours in a day and I want to spend every second of them with you. That's kind of cute. No, too much. Too quick.

Have a chat first. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, at least see if they're interested, eh? Have a chat first. Yeah. Judge the feelings before you go in with that. Alright. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Worth mentioning, one week today. Yes. Until we're in New Plymouth at the good home for the fact of the day,

Pubco has $1,000 for the winning team. You can register at zmonline.com. I think Mum's going to come down. I don't think she's going to take part in the quiz. She doesn't know much about Kim Kardashian, she said. There's other categories that she could excel in. She'll smash the geography and the general rounds. The general knowledge.

She should get a marks. That's every team needs someone who excels in different. Family and friends can't win. There are rules. Does she want to be on the marking table? No, I don't know if she wants to. Oh, she'd run a good marking table. Yeah, she doesn't want a job.

Oh, no, she just wants to relax. Dinner, lovely dinner. Have a chardonnay and a dinner. Yeah, lovely chardonnay. Buttery chard. Today's fact of the day is, and this is purely coincidental because I found this fact of the day

and then I heard about that horrendous news Megan and I were talking about earlier. I don't know if you were there. About the elephants. The bodies of how many elephants? Was it like 80 something? 80 something elephants were found and apparently poached for their ivory and stuff. So that's sort of sick.

Nonsense is still happening. Yeah, I can't believe that's still happening. I know. Absolute rubbish. So that was found apparently yesterday. Right. And as you said Megan, we don't have that many elephants to spare. No.

And it's such a waste. It's not like pigeons. I wish pigeons had ivory. People, take them all. Go nuts. Get rid of them. Who's still buying

ivory things? I don't know. A lot of places ban them. It's all black market, isn't it? Trump's lifting the ban, right? Wasn't Trump that has people going to lift the ban,

the whole ban, because they did this ban and it banned other things about game hunting and bringing back trophies. It included ivory but a bunch of other stuff. So that whole thing is going to be lifted so the ivory trade could possibly start again. How does he have supporters? Like, for real?

I don't know. People are idiots. Not all of them. Let's take this as a litmus test. If you're listening now, you're right. If you know someone that's not listening now, they might be an idiot. I think they are, yeah.

They might be an idiot. It's a strong chance. So today's fact of the day about elephants is that you can buy paper made of elephant poo. Huh. You can buy actual paper made from the poos of the African elephant. Is it because, can I have a guess, is it because it's so full of like tree stuff and fibrous plants

that it can be cleaned and put together like a tree? Bingo. Boom. It can be made the same way paper is made, by using the fibres of a plant. Effectively, the elephant does all the processing, does all the pulping. Right.

And then when it poops out, there's a process to undertake, obviously, because you don't want your paper to be brown. No. Or smell. Bleaching, I'd imagine. Some kind of bleaching. Some sort of natural bleaching, apparently.

They're trying to do it with the minimal impact on the environment. Okay. But this started out at an elephant sanctuary. M-W-A-L-U-G-A-N-G-E. It's a long acronym. No, that's how it's spelled. He doesn't know how to say it. See, if a word is spelled like an acronym,

I don't know if I can say it. I'm just going to the W-A-L-U-G-A-N-G-E. Mwalanganji? Oh, yeah, that sounded good. You know when you say a word and it feels good on the way out, you're like, I think I've said that right. It was a sanctuary, and the elephants, for every 250 kgs of plant matter that they ate,

they pooped 50 kgs. Jeez. So, yeah, a fifth of what they ate is passing out the other end, and a lot of it is the fibrous stuff, the stuff that the nutrients have been pulled out of. And they had so much poop in this elephant sanctuary and you can only put so much on the roses. I imagine that's what they do with it.

And so he was like, there's got to be another use for it. And so they started making paper out of it. And the money that he makes selling it goes straight back into the sanctuary. Okay. Apparently it's a pretty like legit sort of paper. A good thick stock. Oh, I like a good thick paper.

Yeah, me too. Yeah. Love a good thick card. We have to be elephants though, right? Couldn't we do it in New Zealand with another animal? That eats. That eats primarily tree stuff. Well, you couldn't do it with cows because there wouldn't be enough fibre in grass.

Like, if you see a cow, your average dairy cow poo, it always squirts out the bum. But that would be a good scam for tourists. Like if I ran a Kiwi sanctuary, just go to a warehouse stationery and buy a ream of paper and say that I've made it out of Kiwi poo. They're not going to know. They're going to get back, they're going to put it in their printer and they're going to be like,

this is Kiwi poo paper. I try and create a legitimate scheme in New Zealand to save the environment and you come up with a scam for tourists. But it worked, didn't it? In your head, I can imagine people buying that. Can you imagine that? Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, obviously I repackaged the paper I buy. I would only sell it by the sheet because obviously Kiwis don't poo much. Yeah, but they don't know that. They imagine we've got like a farm of them. A farm of really big ones that poo lots. The Kiwi's egg is the biggest

egg to the ratio of the body. You could say the same with the poo. It poos so much. But also Kiwis don't really eat plants. They eat mostly grubs and bugs and stuff. Tourists don't know this stuff. They just don't know that stuff. Stupid tourists.

Stupid tourists bringing all their money in. Keeping the economy afloat when everything else goes badly. Stupid tourists. Coming in here, throwing it all around. So today's fact of the day is there is poop made of elephant. There is no, no, no. There's paper made of elephant poop. Fact of the day, day, day, day, no. There's paper made of elephant poo. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day.

There is a woman in the UK that has gone into business. She started her own business. She's studied to do this particular craft, so she knows what she's talking about. Okay, very entrepreneurial. Candles. No, no. Oh, candles?

More intricate. Yeah, candles are a good craft one. Is it a muffin? No, no, no. Cupcakes. Would require a bit more study into the human body. Is it a cupcake store? No.

Do you read that article about that Melbourne girl? She's not even 21. She is going to be, by the end of this year, she would have done about $1.7 million. Oh, my God. Her business. Out of cupcakes? Out of cupcakes.

She just went crazy. How is she making that many cupcakes? You're probably not making more than a couple of bucks of cupcakes. Her business just expanded and just grew all over Melbourne. What was her point of difference? Because cupcakes have existed before. I think she just got in and smashed it. I thought the cupcake buzz, I thought it was done.

No. It really had a real strong resurgence there. Well, what's the buzz now if it's not cupcakes? It's actual cakes. We realise they come in a bigger form. Okay, we're ready for the next level. Also, coming up, I've got a story that we're not exercising enough, so that might follow that on nicely.

Okay. This is her company who's, it'll give it away, is called The Placenta Tree. Ooh, okay. Or not ooh, sorry. Ooh, essential thing that gave us all life. Yeah, that's fine,

but consuming it. So I thought you would, oh no, see I misunderstood when you said The Placenta Tree, I thought she maybe had taken a branch, a leaf, a page from the Maori tradition of you always bury it under a tree. Yeah, and then the tree grows. What is she selling exactly? So you can buy, I'll go down to her menu of items.

You can buy encapsulation that'll cost you close to 300 New Zealand dollars now you have to BYO placenta right you can't so yeah this is what I was confused about so she sells like smoothies and capulation

like essences and creams and balms for your face and I was like ooh I don't want to buy that because it's someone else's

yeah it's not like that she'll send you a preserving kit yeah and it needs to be properly preserved if you're going to consume it.

And then she sends it back to you in whatever form you want. Right. If you want smoothies, she sends you like... Is it a gran... Does she dry it out and granulate it like you would?

That would be nice. It's more like jerky. She sends you back strips. Of dried... That wouldn't smooth you well. I don't know if it's dried. It's strips that you then put in With whatever you want

Like fruits and veggies And whatever You don't need to have A good blender Because you know Sometimes you put a banana In the strings About the bottom bit

So The same bit Won't go down Yeah In case you're wondering She's had two kids And the first time she ate Or consumed her

Placenta with capsules and she said she recovered really well and the milk came freely and everything. Second time, she couldn't get the placenta. She had complications. Right. And she said she didn't recover as easily.

Because a lot of people swear by it because of the nutrients. And wasn't one of the Kardashians all over all about this? Yeah. I think Kourtney and Kim might have given it a go. But you,

so there's no studies that have claimed that it has any kind of benefit. Yeah. It does have lots of nutrients and stuff, but there's no study that said that it's actually,

yes, it is really good for you. Right. But there's no, there's little evidence that says it has any kind of risk or anything. Because I'm sure a while ago there was a New Zealand company

doing this. I'm sure it was like out of Timaru or something. Right. Because I thought about like while ago there was a New Zealand company doing this. I'm sure it was like out of Timaru or something. Because I thought about like capsules because then you're not like tasting it or anything. Like if it actually had benefits. But I need like studies that show. But you know sometimes you like swallow a capsule and then you burp and you get a bit of the taste.

Oh yuck, yeah. Have it at night. So if you burp you're asleep. Oh yuck. Did Sade consume any? No, well in the first, the reason Indy was born premature is the placenta had given up the go. Oh. They showed me it. I had a look at it.

I was fascinated. Right. Like I met Indy and I was like, brilliant, this is great, and photos and everything. Yeah. The doctor's like, do you want to come and have a look at the placenta? I was like, you know what? I do. He's like, look, you can see what's happening here and blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, this is fascinating. And then, wow. I was like, I'm sorry. I've got to go. I've got a child now. I don't have time to just dilly-dally looking at placentas anymore. So you couldn't eat that one? No.

We didn't eat the other one either. I wanted to plant it under the tree, but they said it was like best to have it taken care of because it had gone a bit. Okay. But yeah, we didn't. But then I Googled and I found sheep placenta is apparently great for skin care. Right. So there you go.

Don't just go rocking those straight on the face. I was going to say, if you're a sheep and beef farmer, maybe it's lambing at the moment. Find the afterbirth, just flop it on the face. Have a chill out in the hay barn

and rejuvenate yourself. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. ZDM.