ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - September 07 2018

Episode Date: September 6, 2018

Body parts that always get a comment, Friday Flashback and your emotional teenage songs.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

This is the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast, thanks to Spark. You can stay connected with free Wi-Fi a gig a day on the $19 Spark prepaid rollover pack. Enjoy. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show. Fletch, Vaughan and Megan Friday. What are you doing? What are you doing? What are you doing?

I meant to go, but I got like a hiccup in between. Oh, yeah. So you're going like, do you want to do that again? I get you now. How early is too early for me to open this can of Coke? Well, I mean, it's not.

It's Diet Coke, so. Yeah. Now? It's lunchtime somewhere. It's Friday. It's Diet Coke, so. Yeah. Now? It's lunchtime somewhere. Yes, okay. Like Middle America. And I mean, if you look at people from sort of the Bible about Middle America, they're the sort of people you want to base your dietary ideas off.

Yeah. A lot of Walmart mobility scooters. Yeah, sadly. You love Middle America diets. All barbecue and meats and. Yeah, true. You love middle America diets. All barbecue and meats and... Yeah, true. This is true. Southern in the middle there.

Yeah. Yeah. Me and the rednecks. All right, you lot. Listen up. It's story time. Oh, there we go. We've loaded.

We've loaded the Google Docs. Three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan, you pick one of the following three headlines and we'll delve headfirst into that story. Okay. Headline one, CrossFit theft effort. Headline two, mum says he's a good kid. And headline three, study doesn't mince results.

Mmm. Mum says he's a good kid. There's always a story of a rat bag. And it's always on the rat bag scale, a sliding scale, the rat bag scale. Yeah, and it's always mum or nana. Yeah, oh, he's a good boy. He was a good boy till he stole that school bus,

drove it off a cliff, killed everybody. He's a good boy till he stole that school bus, drove it off a cliff, killed everybody. He's a good boy. Unless it's a dog. Oh. Is it a dog? No, it's not a dog. Oh, okay.

He's a good boy till he bit the postman. I don't know why all these people are British. He was a good boy till he tore the face off them kids. So what are you thinking? One, two or three? Three was mince. I like mince. Study doesn't mince results.

It's not like, it's different mince though. Is it ground beef? The story may contain ground beef. Oh, sure. Okay. I'm keen for that. Okay. Okay, you want to delve into that? Mince both. When I say the story may contain mince or meat, it may contain other traces of unidentified meat.

Oh, yeah, I like these ones too. A study has been done in the UK. This is Britain, so don't be alarmed here in New Zealand. Over a fifth of meat in Britain's restaurants and supermarkets tested contained unspecified animal DNA. What does that mean? They'll be able to work out what the DNA there was, right? So they, 145 items of 665 sampled consisted partly or wholly of unspecified meat. So does that mean like bits and bobs from the animal, like it's air and stuff?

Well, so they've, like there was duck and ostrich and some. That's fine, I'll beat both of those. You alright with those? But is it being sold as like beef, mince beef? Oh, it just would have been in the same factory and they wouldn't have like given the machine a good wash or something. So lamb, beef, goat, pork, ham, duck, ostrich contained items that were contaminated and had other traces of meat in them. Oh, right.

So something was selling ostrich meat, but it had other meat in it. Yes. Traces of other meat. But it doesn't say what meat, but chances are it's one of the other meats mentioned. Well, yeah, all that was processed in there. Like you say, probably didn't clean the machine.

It's not zebra. But if you're buying pork, for example, or you're buying mince or whatever and you don't want to eat pork, vice versa. Oh, and there's many religions and cultures that don't eat pork.

You're going to more than likely be contaminated, aren't you? Yeah. I don't know. I'm okay with miscellaneous meat, really. Yeah, I've got no huge problem with a bit of meat. An ostrich mince product was sold entirely of beef. It was all beef.

Zero ostrich. Oh, so it's not even like traces. See, that I've got a problem with because you're probably paying a premium for ostrich. A duck dish that they tested named Bangalore was 100% lamb. A lamb korma was entirely beef. A curry restaurant sold a lamb dish that was more than 60% lamb. A lamb korma was entirely beef. A curry restaurant sold a lamb dish

that was more than 60% beef. But lamb's beef anyway, isn't it? No. Isn't it? What's lamb? Lamb's sheep.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, of course. That's right, beef. Beef is a cow meat. I was just meaning red meat. You know what I was meaning. It's all the same thing. I don't know what you mean.

It's a whole different species. Mince it together, it's red. You've got no problem now either. That's beef, right? Yeah. And pork sausages sold by small butchers in a couple of locations contained undeclared beef and lamb.

Yeah, but lamb and beef are just pork, aren't they? It's all the same. It's all meat, mate. Just chuck it in. She'll be right. But do you remember in 2000... Is that your sort of like across the board thoughts on mate? Chuck it in.

She'll be right. Just mince it up, eh? Mince it up. Chuck it in. She'll be right. In 2013, the horse mate scandal. You remember that? I remember that. That was great. I actually really enjoyed watching that whole thing. It was in beef lasagna, wasn't it? Yeah, it was. Horse meat.

Several products. Not just beef lasagna, but yeah, that certainly had it. But then, I mean, your giveaway should be, the picture they've got here is a beef lasagna for two pounds, no, for one pound 29. That's like $2.50. What, you're saying it's not going to have a great... No, I'm not going to say it's not going to be more expensive than beef.

Just on a scale. But then horse is beef anyway, isn't it, Fletch? It's all the same thing. Just chuck it in. Just chuck it in. Lamb's pork. It's all red. Just mince it up.

Once you put the sauce on it, who cares? We're all connected, man. Exactly. We're all just atoms, man. Buzzing around, vibrating at different speeds. Put together slightly differently. On a rock, hurtling around a thing on fire, hurtling through space, man.

What was that mate that I had at the Flash lunch we had yesterday? Venison. Oh my God. I don't think I've had that before. Lamb or whatever. I think it's pig, isn't it? It's deer. It's deer.

It's all the same thing. You don't eat cute. The troublesome ones. You guys ate so much yesterday Because between me and Anya We're like You have it Vaughn Oh god I always forget

How fussy you all are Vaughn and I Just will eat anything Red meat Pork Whatever Pork Beef

Lamb Same All the same thing Anya Old grow up on Chicken nuggets over there I was very Can I say

I was very proud of you yesterday You tried everything Your fancy meals Thank you I was proud of can I say I was very proud of you yesterday. You tried everything. Your fancy meals. Thank you. I was proud of me too and I went home and told my mum and she was also proud of me. She had a scallop custard.

I like when she ordered scallops not knowing scallops were shellfish. Let me tell you, that was a shock to us. She's like, aren't they little, because we were playing charades to order and she indicated how you would kind of do

an oyster or a scallop raw. And then I was like, oh yeah, that was pretty good. Shellfish. And you were like, what? Yeah, I thought it would taste like, you know how salt and pepper squids are real yum? I thought it would be like that, but it was not.

It was diced and in a soup with unidentifiable unsaluting things. It was like a Japanese custard. It was quite a flash. It was only a five-star restaurant. Anya, don't worry about it. Sure, Peter Gordon's here in the show right now being like, well, it's time to rework the menu.

I haven't sufficiently placed chicken nugget, girl. That is for everyone. FF. Please remember, I had this cool teacher. He's the one that was in the news heaps. His name's Gregor Fountain. He was in the news heaps because Jacinda cited him as like a huge influence in her life. Her social studies.

Into it. Yeah, yeah. He was a social studies history teacher. He was the guy that would like turn up a class in like a costume to do with what we were learning that day. Just like love teaching. Good dude. And he's a principal at Wellington Boys, I think now. Okay.

And we did that thing where he started at school. I think he started teaching the same year that we all started high school. Okay. So it was one of those things where it was like, let's get to know each other. And you know, we used to sit down at one of those really awkward group activities where it's like, say your name. Oh God, I hate that. Like, you know, your favourite subject of school

and the book you read out of the summer holidays. Was he a monster? No, no, that's how the ordinary teacher would do it. Oh, right, yeah. He did. And I always remember this, and I thought it's such a great way of breaking the ice in a group. Yep.

Tell us a story about your scar. Because everybody's got a scar, and there's always a story attached to it. What if you were, like, the victim of a horrific home invasion and they like knifed you and you've got to bring that up in front of your class on the first day? No one's going to mess with you. You survived a home invasion.

You survived a home invasion. I don't want to talk about it. So I've got the scars across my two fingers where as a kid I stuck my finger down the... We were in a truck, my dad's mate's truck. And I stuck my fingers down the front. I was like, what goes down here? And I put my hand down the, we were in a truck, my dad's mate's truck. And I stuck my fingers down the front. I was like, what goes down here? And I put my hand down by the windscreen

and I put my fingers straight into the fan. And it sliced them quite badly. That's a good. And then I broke my ankle, which is a story to it as well. I'm not here to tell all my scar stories. But everybody's scar has a story behind it. That was a great like intro icebreaker situation.

Are you going to start selling us bio oil here? Like what's, where's this going? No, because then you cover up your scar. Oh, right. Okay.

This is going because this might be a thing of the past because researchers in mice have turned cells at the top of the wound into skin cells

and kind of reprogrammed the cell so scars could be a thing of the past. So you cut yourself. Yeah. They're working on a short form to be able to, they've done it in mice and lab animals, is the scar and then they reprogram the cells that form the scar and they turn back into skin cells and your skin will just heal like there's nothing wrong with it.

It won't be a scarred skin tissue. It will be a completely reset tissue and you won't even know you've had a scar. And it'll be the same as your skin or will it be someone else's? No, no, it's your skin. It's your cells. They're like reprogramming cells. I imagine they give you someone else's cells and then you get a big hairy skin patch.

No, no, no. You're like, oh, that's not my skin. Do you know what else this is good for? They reckon it will also be able to be used for wrinkles. That was me hand clapping. That clapping clip was Megan. But yeah, they reckon it will give us a better understanding of the ageing of skin cells.

If you can revert them to a stem cell type state so they take on the cells around them, they'll be skin and then you can rejuvenate. But what about if you've got, like we've all got scars, like old scars. It wouldn't work on that because they've already healed. They've already healed unless you cut it off and squirted the miracle juice in them. Sandpaper. Bit of sandpaper, sand it down. On your yuck scar and then it'll heal.

Wow. It's the same as like putting a hole it down. On your yuck scar and the little heel. Wow. Yeah, it's the same as like putting a hole in the wall at your flat and putting a bit of that plaster stuff on and then you sand it flat and then you paint over it with the skin cells and no one knows any difference. Which you've been doing, haven't you? Because who drilled too many holes? Guilty. Yeah, hanging the new TV.

I had to move the old bracket. Yep. Because the TV's so much bigger. It was half a kind of breached a windowsill. That won't do. So then I had to lower it but then I didn't lower it enough. So then you had to draw more holes. Yeah, because I lowered it to one side of

the power point but then put it up and I was like it's still too high so I had to put it on the other side of the power point. Why didn't you measure it before you lowered it? I did. I didn't allow for margin of error. We talk to any builder though. There's a huge margin of error. for margin of error. We talked to any builder, though. There's a huge margin of error. Huge margin of error in building.

Don't they say measure, then measure again, then measure again? Nah, I think it's measure, have a guess, drill two massive holes, realise that's not going to work, drill two more massive holes, and be like, no, that's not centre. It's at the right height but now it's not centre. And then go back with some of that putty stuff, fill it in, sand it back and paint it. That's actually the builder's motto. Right.

The Australian Bachelor is on at the moment. It's a little bit different this year because Honey Badger's on it. Now, he wouldn't have been, I wouldn't have thought he would have been your typical bachelor kind of contestant. He doesn't fit the cookie cutter bachelor mould that we're used to. Yeah, like one of those

clean cut kind of, you know job guys. I think they're liking it. Yeah, well I see things about the Australian bachelor and I try as I might I didn't want to particularly like Honey Badger but he does. There's a lot to like. There's a lot to like.

There's a lot to like. He's a very likeable gent. So this is the sixth season of Australian Bachelor, and it is rating better than ever. So almost one million, and this is only Australia, because we've got it in New Zealand, one million Australians are watching it. Okay.

And there is now 36% of men watching it. So 36% of those million are men. Yeah. Wow. So 360. Yep. Wow. Okay.

Because guys wouldn't normally watch The Bachelor. No. Well, compared to 28% in 2014, it's jumped quite a bit. Men are really into this season. And mainly it's because he's a professional rugby player. And he's jumped quite a bit. Men are really into this season and mainly it's because he's a professional rugby player and he's quite funny. Yeah. So guys are just

really digging this season. So it means that you can watch it and try it out on your partner because they might be into it. As per producer Anya. Is your boyfriend Andy into this? Yeah, mate.

We're watching it all the time. He's a big fan. I've seen, you've done like little videos of who's like going to win. He's fully invested. We do debriefs on Instagram. So before this, he wouldn't have been into it or was he even into Love Island?

Nah. Oh, hell no. He hates reality. And there are definitely some aspects that he still hates. Like when they make it really catty scenes and the producers kind of stitch them up, he's like, no, no, no time for this. Yeah, give me some more Honey Badger.

Yeah, but no, he finds the dates really funny. And the Honey Badger's just really funny to watch because he kind of acts like you actually would in that situation. Like if a girl comes on real strong, his expressions and stuff are what you'd actually do. Whereas I feel like some of the other bachelors would be like, oh, hello.

Whereas he's like, oh, crikey. He's every old mate. He told a ripper story about Tim Tams. Has that been on New Zealand? Is it showing in New Zealand? Yeah. It's a couple of nights a week. Has he told the story about the Tim Packer Tim Tams yet?

No. You saw that on the... I saw it on Facebook. Because it's hard when you're on Facebook and on the Australian news sites. It's a bit like Love Island. You can have stuff ruined for you, can't you?

Yeah, you can get snippets and stuff, but you never get the full breakdown of like the storylines. You have to watch the whole episode. FEM. Zed in. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Pretty bad news.

This was on a police Facebook page yesterday from someone who's a little higher ranking in the police force, who's been in it for a little while. He or she noted that some of the new recruits, some of the new constables of the New Zealand Police Force living in the big cities, Auckland, Tauranga, Wellington, they're paid enough to pay rent,

but that's about all. They are turning up for shifts, overnight shifts when they have to bring their own dinner with 89 cent cans of baked beans for a dinner. Which is bad, right? This is our police.

Same complaint the nurses had and fair enough. Nurses, teachers. We need nurses, teachers in the big cities and police and they're not paid enough

to leave. That's not enough to have energy to do your job and what if you have to chase a crim? It's carbs, but you need some veg.

You need some protes. You need some protes. You need some protes. You need some veg. But this is just straight carbs with a sugary sauce and 89 cents. I don't know. That's oak. And you know I've got a big problem with that. It's probably home brand or the budget ones.

Probably not even oak. Not even oak? I do not imagine. They're out there upholding justice. I know. And they're eating not even oak. Have you seen that there's like a league team sponsored by oak? Is there?

There is. What league team is it? The Panthers? Yeah, maybe. It's just like oak. It's like, oh, what about yuck? Yuck. I mean, some people prefer oak baked beans to the wadis.

Yeah, there's two types of people in this world. People I'll talk to and people who prefer oak over wadis. It's just a bit runny. Why is it so runny? The spag's grim. Also, yeah, because they chop their spag, don't they? Into little leeks. Yeah, leave it long.

I'm an adult. I want to go in this. It's because it's Australian, eh? And wadis is New Zealand. Well, that makes a lot of sense. Is it? I don't know. I don't know.

I just remember once just packing a real sad because it was oak. Because mum had brought back oak from the supermarket. I wanted to make a spaghetti toast and sandwich and it was only oak. And I'm about to lose my shit. It's about to get very, very bad in here. And this was only six months ago. Yeah. I actually threw way worse tantrums when I was a child.

So the top six ways to jazz up an 89 cent can of baked beans. Look, I hope the police get paid what they need to be able to have a nice meal. To me, I personally think they should have meals provided. But sometimes they're out, so they've just got to eat. But then that makes me even sadder to think they're out on the beat and they've got to open the can and then eat it in the car cold with a spoon. Yeah, that's not good, is it? They'd literally walk up to a homeless person sitting

around a fire who'd be eating better than them. So the top six ways to jazz up an 89 cent can of baked beans are number six, a wiggle of hot sauce. Just a wiggle of hot sauce. A wiggle of hot sauce. Drop, drop, drop. Stir it in. To the bottom of the can. Just a wiggler hot sauce. Oh, yeah. Just a wiggler hot sauce. Some drops, drops, drops, drops. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Drops, drops. Too high, too much.

Stir it in. To the bottom of the can. Number five on the top six ways to jazz up an 89 cent can of baked beans. Buy, I know this is a splash out though, buy one nice can of baked beans. So if you're working a five day shift, four oaks, one watties. Yep. Take the wrappers off the tins and roll them around and lucky dip what night of the night, night of the week, you're going to get a grade A bean.

Okay. You know, just to... Yep. But then if you have it really early in the week, not much to look forward to towards the end of the week. True. Not much. Number four on the list of the top six ways to jazz up

an 89 cent can of baked beans. Propose a police on-the-job potluck meal where everybody brings something and then just put the beans on the table and back away from them and then skedaddle towards the senior sergeant's casserole. Yes. Because you know his wife would have made a lovely casserole that is, yeah, that

would be great. She probably chucked some bread in the oven. Yeah. Or just bought a loaf of bread but then put it in the oven so it felt like she'd just baked bread. Yep. Number three on the list of the top six ways to jazz up an 89 cent can of baked beans.

Keep the tins after you've eaten out of them and run some string between them and make old school telephones. Oh, I think I'm going to say stilts. Or stilts. Yes. That's coming up

because it could be like, what you having for dinner there, Constable? I'm having beans, Constable. What about you? Yeah. I'm having beans too.able. What about you? Yeah. I'm having beans too. Hey, don't throw those cans out.

We'll make stilts later. Sounds like a great idea, Constable. You know they could just use their radios, right? No, but they've made these telephones. Oh, okay. Okay. One's outside the car, the strings run out the window. Yeah, right.

Because if they're sitting and representing each other, they'll be able to hear each other. Yeah, right. Okay. Number two on the list of the strings run out the window. Yeah, right, okay. Because if they're sitting right beside each other, they'll be able to hear each other. Yeah, right, okay. Number two on the list of the top six ways to jazz up an 89-cent can of baked beans is eat them fast and have a fart competition. Like, it could be first to fart wins or first to fart loses. Okay.

Also, that's a great interrogation technique on the way back to the station with the baddie in the back seat. Yeah. As someone who farts in a car regularly with people in the back seat, they hate that. Yeah. Just go straight to them. Yeah.

Yeah. And the number one way of jazzing up a 89-cent can of baked beans, I know it's doubling your dinner budget, but what about a $1 loaf of white bread? Sure. Then you could make a toast out of it. You could make some spaghetti mousetraps Or baked bean mousetraps But then you've got to get cheese

Oh yeah true Cheese is very expensive Steal it from the work fridge That's what I do What? Steal it from a criminal's house No but then you're a criminal Are you?

Defects the purpose of being a policeman Or a woman They broke the law They don't deserve cheese Oh okay Look Snake eyes I'm willing to overlook Half of this clandestine meth lab

if I can take two of those blocks of Colby cheese that you've got. I mean, I know you're a meth dealer because you've got two blocks of cheese in your fridge. That's some high-end stuff, Snake Eyes. I'll just take you in for the marijuana position. You'll be out in no time. That's today's top six. We talked the other day about wines and how the gold stickers on them in circular medallion-looking shapes.

If there's like five of them and a couple of silvers, we're like, we're in. Well, yeah, and the study said that people value speed at the supermarket. So when they're selecting wine, if you're not really a wine connoisseur, you just see these gold medal stickers. And you're in. You don't read them. You're just like, well, it's cheap. It's on special.

It's got some awards. It's in the basket. It's happening. Yeah. Well, we talked about that and somebody messaged into the show. I'll find their name because I screen capped this so I can't like go to the exact, get their exact name. I've just got the photo.

They went to buy a bottle of Shiraz. Okay. I don't know where this was. It looks like a supermarket. Okay. This brand, Remember Me Shiraz. Yeah. And then it just says reserve underneath.

It doesn't like have a date. Okay. What, reserve? See, that kind of gets, that's a word that gets me as well. Reserve, yeah. If it's like a special reserve or a reserve, I don't know what that means. Neither.

It sounds fancy. I'm in. So at the top, there's three, I don't know what that means, but it sounds fancy. I'm in. So up the top, there's three. I'm just going to show you guys really quickly. There's three gold medals. Oh, yeah. You just flash that photo, and that looks to me like a- That means it's won three times.

It's won three gold medals. Now, exactly. They look like they've been stuck on after the label. Look closer. They're part of the label. Okay. They're part of the square label, but they come out the top to make it look like they've been stuck on afterwards.

But they're not. They're all part of one label. Okay. Three gold medals. One says, perfect with steak. Okay. Wow. This is what it says.

Perfect with steak. And then in the middle of the gold medal, it's a silhouette of a cow. Oh, so it's not a cow's head. Yeah. It's not a medal. And then it says underneath, serve at 16 to 17 degrees Celsius. Then in the middle of the next gold medal says,

great with sausages. Yeah. I mean, anything's great with sausages. I don't know if sausages are a luxurious enough meat to consider a Shiraz pairing. Yeah, sure. Look, if you're having a sausage, you might be having a bourbon as well. It's not a classy meat.

What does it say under great with sausages? Serve at 16 to 17 degrees Celsius. Now, are you noticing a trend? Numbers on the bottom. Oh, so it makes it seem like a year. It makes it seem like a year. Do you think? Are there numbers on the bottom of the third one?

Yep, and it just says exactly the same temperature. Serve at 16 to 17 degrees Celsius. So you see numbers at the bottom and gold medallions. The next one is the craziest. Oh, by the way, the sausage silhouette is literally a sausage on a fork. Exactly like the sausage

we gave in Tuatapri. Oh, brilliant. And the next one, so it was perfect with steak, great with sausages. the next one, so it was perfect with steak. Yep. Great with sausages. Yeah. The third one, awesome with lasagna. And it has an oven dish with like bulging mashed potato over the top.

The thing is though. Now they said they almost fell for that. Yeah. Because they were just like, I want a red wine. I would have. I like a Shiraz. Yeah. This one's got three gold medals. And then they, in the back of their mind,

remembered our chat. They remembered our chat. And that is mind-blowing, isn't it? Yeah. Because I would've fallen for that as well. Cheeky D.

The wine company isn't doing anything wrong. No, they're just saying it's cheeky. They're not saying they've won three gold medals. No, they're literally saying this is great with lasagna.

Awesome with lasagna. Wow. Next time I get wine, I'm definitely Actually reading them I want to set a challenge For everybody listening Right now

Over this weekend And I'll do the same Go to a booze store I mean Twist your arm You're probably gonna go anyway Can we say If you're going anyway

If you're going anyway If you buy charts Are buying a bottle of wine Or if you're at the supermarket Anywhere that sells booze Take some photos Of these like gold medals Yeah

On bottles of wine. I want to see what they say, actually. I didn't want to say we're that ridiculous. I don't think we're going to be awesome with lasagna, to be totally honest. By the way, I found out it was Gemma in Tauranga, according to Facebook. They sent that in.

So thanks, Gemma. Okay. That's crazy. But you know what? Now I'm thinking, A, I really wanted a lasagna. Yeah. And B, I know what really wanted a lasagna. Yeah. And B, I know what will go awesome with it. Yeah.

Sausages or steak. No doubt. Yeah, you put up something on Instagram yesterday. Your cat launching another attack. I thought this was just the latest in a chapter of poor parenting and a lack of ability to discipline your child. No, he just hates me. I was leaning against the wall.

I just got sidetracked by messages and he jumped up at me and I was like, oh, well, I'll film the next one because he came in for several attacks. I don't know what it was.

I think my drawstring was dangling on my pants or my t-shirt and he was like, that's it, I'm launching. So I filmed it and I put it on his Instagram story and that's

much later when I checked Instagram, I noticed a couple of messages had come in and that's when I noticed I had revealed my toes for all the world to see. Now for those that don't know, I have finger toes. Very long

toes. Anne, do you remember that time we went on that kids TV show and I peeled a banana with my toes? Yeah, that's right. That's a special skill though. It is. See, I can't do that. You should be thankful you have long finger toes because I have the opposite. So there's the toe and then the next two toes are longer than the toe.

Yeah. Like they're like... It's a genetic thing, right? Lots of people have the second toe longer. Does it mean like something like I'm going to live longer or something? Like you're stupid. It's a sign of stupidity. Yeah. Long toes. I remember seeing that a win around a while ago.

I was like, what does your foot look like? And it was like, what shape your toes are and how it meant you had different like heritage. Oh, okay. If it looked like this, it was a Greek foot or this was a Roman foot. Because was I maybe once a cliff climber or something or a tree climber? You could have been a bird. They're kind of very talony, the toes. But what did lots of people say?

Yeah, and then people started messaging me, like, some people were just like, ooh, your toes. Oh, that's nice. I always like that. I always like getting an ooh on Instagram. Ooh, your toes. Or just, like, pointing them out, like, oh, have you ever seen your toes? Oh, that's nice. I always like that. I always like getting an ooh on Instagram. Ooh, your toes. Or just like pointing them out like, oh, have you ever seen your toes? Like, look at them.

Yuck. Like someone said a green bomb emoji. It's your toes. But then it's saying that the people who have a foot fetish might have got off on your toes. It's just that they're not as quick to share the positive reinforcement as the negative. Yeah, that's true.

It's called a Morton's toe, and you're right, it was a Greek thing, and apparently the Greeks found it very attractive to have the second toe longer. You're saying it would have been a hidden. You would have. You would have been a Greek god. And I tell you what, you would have loved ancient Greece. There was some shooing in Greece. You would have been right in there, you toga party.

All right, guys, toga party. It was calm down, Fletcher Kiss. It was Monday morning. Fletcher Kiss. We had a toga party? Everyone was like, calm down, Fletchicus. It was on Monday morning. Fletchicus. We had a toga party on yesterday. But it was always a toga party. It was 24-7 toga party. 24-7 toga party. Fletchicus, that totally would have

been my name. Fletchicus. You would have been on that, uh, like the first part first What were the Democracy Where they all voted on stuff I don't know

I vote for more Ludicrous orgies They were like We can't have any more We're running out of grapes Are they essential Are they grapes Well you've got to

Dangle them And eat them in there And I'm pretty sure That was the downfall of the empire, the Roman empire. Yeah, yeah. Too many orgies. Yeah, I'm light on history from high school.

I can't totally remember. Well, we're talking about Greeks, not Romans. Sounds right. Oh, same thing. Megan, it's like meat. It's all red meat, isn't it? Mince it in. But I thought this morning,

could we open up and take some calls? What is the one body part people always comment about? Because I get a lot, like if I'm wearing jandals, people will quite often say... You don't wear jandals very often. I've always worn a wig, but now it's your insecurities you're worried about it. Nah, it's that I'm a fast walker and jandals don't suit my fast walking lifestyle. They flip

back and you stub your toes. Yeah, unless I'm going to the beach or, you know, around a beach, I don't wear jandals. I'd rather wear shoes. Right. But do you have, like, a part... I know, Caitlin, you always get your eyes. People will always say...

But you're not a fan of it, even though it's a compliment. No, I know. It's nice, but I'm like, what about the rest of me? Something else. Yeah, that's exactly what I think. It's rubbish. Does anybody ever say that? At least you get something that's pointed out that's nice.

Yeah, like I'm getting ooh, your toes. Yeah, I get that too. Form an emoji. I get skinny legs. You get skinny calf muscles. Yeah, because you've got like slender legs. Very feminine legs. They do the job though.

They can move. You've done a marathon. Yeah. Ten years ago, still going on about it like it happened last week. You say, ooh, your toes to me too. Yours are quite stunty. Stumpy. Stumpy.

Yes, and they're webbed. Don't be me. Yeah, Megan's toes are very stunty. They're always like jumping things and doing parkour. That's why I don't like wearing peep toes or jandals because you'll be like, ooh, look at your web. Ugh, yuck, they're on my face. But you can't really see your webtoes unless you spread them.

Or you try to. Or you can keep them together. But if you spread them. I don't know. What about producers? Anything? People? Point out.

Old perfect producers, eh? It doesn't have to be bad, though, eh? It can be something good. It can be a good feature. Yeah. People with birthmarks, like visible birthmarks, I've got some friends and they're always

getting comments like, oh, what's happened there? It's like, oh, I was born with it. Thanks, sir.

And they're like, oh, that's the best, when people realise, oh my God, I'm the millionth person, aren't I? Yes,

you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are. Okay, so 0800-DARLES-NM-9696, what is the one body part

that everybody comments on? We're talking about what part of your body gets commented on the most, I guess. Always commented. Fletch, if he gets out the toes. Oh, and they were accidentally in the Instagram story, and I just... If you've got a foot fetish, send Fletch a compliment, because you've been like, what would you say the ratio of disparaging comments is to positive ones?

Oh, it's all disparaging. And how many of them? Well, there's like a handful, like maybe four or five. So we need at least ten people with foot fetishes who think long toes are sexy. But I don't think foot fetish people like long toes. I think they're like a nice proportion. I mean, I don't know. Do you speak on their behalf?

Okay, fair enough. Do foot fetish people like webbed toes? There could be something into it. Are you more of like the duck fetish community? I could get like a wee niche. You fill a very small niche. A niche following. So we'll take some calls and text messages.

Grace has called up. Good morning, Grace. Good morning. Now, what is the body part that people always comment about? My sausage fingers. Okay. How sausagey are the fingers? Um, quite sausagey.

They're just, like, they're just big bones. Like, there's a lot of bone in there. I can feel it. Like, they're hard. They're not spongy. Right. They're not spongy. Do you mean, like, what kind of sausages?

Like a sizzler or like a, um, like a home... Like a Heller's sausage. A Heller's. Okay, right. So... Do you have this thing where, like, everyone, like, wants to try on other people's sausage. A Heller's. Okay, right. Do you have this thing where like everyone wants to try

on other people's rings and I never do because you're like... I literally wear no rings because I can't. I can't fit any rings. And any rings that I do put on they just look ridiculous.

What? The finger will just swallow them up. What size finger do you have? Because you know it's all the letters of the alphabet. I don't know.

Yeah, I don't know that. Pardon me? Yeah, because I'm a V i i don't have overly large right fingers so but people say people will just say that to you yeah oh yeah all the time like my i especially get it from like my brothers and my cousins like my cousin posted a picture on my facebook for my birthday with his fist and then he's a butcher so he made actual sausages and put them like as fingers. And he wrote happy birthday sausage fingers. Well, you're perfect

otherwise. So you know, everyone's got to have something. I've come to terms with it. I am the way I am. Yeah. Exactly. Like my toes. I can't change my toes. I am the way I am and my fingers look like yams. Hate is gonna hate, you know? Exactly. Exactly.

All right. Hayfix, you call. Melissa, what do people always comment about? My bum. Really? Okay. Yeah. They just say that to you.

I've had, like, a big bum since, like, I was 10. Okay. Girl. And I used to get mocked in school about it. Like, oh, you've got a big bum. But now, like, it's, like, it's the new trend. Everyone loves it. Yeah, who's laughing now? I know, yeah, right? She is, heaps.

Laughed non-stop since she got on the phone. She's having a great old time with her big bum. But do people still call me? Oh, yeah, definitely. Shake it on the mirror. Yes. But do people actually, like, just strangers say that to you? Yeah, like, they'll come up and be like, damn, girl, you've got a ghetto booty, and I'm just like, oh, okay, well, thank you. Strangers say that to you? Yeah, love. I come up with, like, damn, girl, you got a ghetto booty, and I'm just like, oh, okay, well, thank you.

Strangers say that. Like, that is, I could. That's a compliment. Is it not? We would have had a stranger come up and, like, slap it one day, and I was like, oh, that's not okay. That's if you turn around and smack them back. Yeah, that's not okay.

I guess they're the evils. Yeah, good. That's not on. That's not cool. No, that's rude. My butt used to stick out a bit when I was like a teenager. Oh, here we go. It was an awkward, like, bubble butt, as you say.

Bubble butt. I think it was a bit like that. You look like a duck. I still got it. That's what everybody said, but now, yeah. And then when it became fashionable, it was gone. Melissa, thanks for your call. Casey, what's the one body part people always comment on?

My hands. I've got small hands. Okay. It's the opposite. Small hands, like short as well. Yeah. Short fingers. I have my friend's kids.

They have bigger hands than me. How old are their kids? How old's the kids? Oh, they can range from like seven to like 12. Seven to 12? And you're smaller. Yeah. Oh, no.

Or they're like just the same size as me, and they're still growing too. So, of course, they're going to outgrow me. Hey, I feel for you, Casey. Thanks for sharing from big toes here. Not a problem. Okay. Some a problem. Okay.

Some text messages. Somebody said, I have stumpy thumbs. There's an actual scientific name, but basically my thumbs look like big toes. I catch people looking at them. Most of the time I'll say, you look at my thumbs. I might myself feel better though, reminding myself Megan Fox has the same thumbs and she's super hot. I was about to say, Megan Fox has weird thumbs or different thumbs. Has Scarlett Johansson got unusual? Can you Google Scarlett Johansson's thumbs?

I feel like hers are almost like semi-rotated. Who was it? Nicole Kidman. Remember at the Oscars when she was clapping? No, that's because she didn't want to dent her rings. No, but her fingers went real back up. Oh yeah, she's got long, creepy witch fingers. Long, creepy witch fingers. Long creepy witch fingers. Somebody said

I've got British blood and I've white legs and red cheeks. So I'm always hearing, whoa, man, your face is red. Are you feeling okay? Or, wow, your legs are white. It's both of them. I have long earlobes as I've got many piercings. I've got as many

piercings as I could to try to hide them, but even before the piercings, long earlobes. Could you get those trimmed like a nip-tuck? Definitely. Because they don't need to be long, do they? No. It's something essential. Yeah, just go in for some lipo and just

get the ears done while you're in there. Which is the other way around from usually doing it. My Audi belly button, I always get ripped on that one. Oh, see, I had one of those and they poked it back in. Yeah. When I had an operation. So you went in for a bit of lipo and they did your hernia.

And I just thought, while we're here, can we get it done? Yeah. Yeah, so somebody else said dimples. I always get, oh my God, look at your dimples. That's cute. Dimples are so cute though. Yeah. Like, I'd own that.

Somebody else said my partner has the most picture perfect smile. Always gets complimented on how lovely his smile is. Right. I need to see the smile. You need to put a picture of that smile on our Facebook page. Could it be like a smile model for a dentist? Could be a smile model. Okay, well if you're getting compliments.

Must have something good going on with the smile. FVM, the podcast. We broke the news yesterday that Uber, if your Uber rating goes below a four to 3.9, you will start receiving emails and then you could be banned for six months. You've got to be nicer, apparently. And it's the same for drivers. If they drop below a certain rating,

they can't drive and that's fair enough. Yeah, you need to claw your way back into a better rating. Some of us have a great rating. Like, what was I, a 4.84 4.9 yeah megan 4.74 the lowest on the show however uber has released um five tips to avoid getting your account suspended and to get a better rating which i would like to point out i think did you have you asked how long have you been working, what time do you finish? I reckon if I was an Uber driver, I'd drop you a star for the questions. I reckon Fletch

does all of these no-nos. But I've still got a higher rating than you. Yeah. Go figure. Go figure. Okay, so these are the five tips that Uber says will get you a better rating. Location. This is what we mentioned the other day. Time and time again passengers apparently pinpoint the wrong spot

or, like Fletch, they pinpoint bus stops and things where they're not allowed to stop and they're not supposed to stop. So they can get in trouble. So be accurate and make it somewhere where they can actually stop. Like not loading zones.

Yeah, I had a lecture about that once. See? And no, but I didn a lecture about that once. See? No, but I didn't even think about it. You don't think about it. You're just like, well, I don't know. Just pull over and get in. Maybe you should think about your Uber driver. What's the point to where you are or the door?

Say hello. They say that so many people are so busy, they forget their please and thank yous. Really? They forget to even say hello. Like a lot of people on the phone even and just get in and carry on. They are providing a service

but please and thank you and simple niceties are all they want. I always do that. Always do that. I love saying thank you, James, and Caitlin.

Bit of Fortnite chat. How good is it now on Fortnite when you're on the bus, you're about to drop in, you can press the down thing and thank the bus driver. Get you! Yeah.

Thank you! It's just a thing on Twitter that someone threw away. They're like, this bus driver's been working so hard and no was just a thing on Twitter that someone threw away. They're like, this bus driver's been working so hard. I said it one time when we were playing.

I was like, we've taken this bus like 15, 20 times today and I haven't been able to say thank you a choice we're not. I always say thank you, driver.

Yeah. Thanks, mate. That's what I say from the back door. But now it's on Fortnite. Yeah, before you jump out. And I get really upset if I jump out of the battle bus

before I thank the driver. I'm like, damn it. Those Fortnite passengers are rowdy. They've all got weapons. I think it's like a party bus. Yeah. Dude dressed up like a panda. So I've got the five tips that Uber have said

to increase your Uber rating. Number three is don't be an annoying backseat driver. So if you have a specific route you want them to take, make sure you say it early because they have a map, they have exact directions on when they need to go. They do, but sometimes those maps, like living in the city, sometimes the maps take them all over the place. Explain your preferred route at the start.

At the start, okay. Because a lot of people will be like, oh, you shouldn't have gone this way. Or turn this way at the last minute. So go to our house, it'll take you right at a roundabout. But if you go right at the roundabout, it's exactly the same distance, but you have to go over a series of judder bars.

Yeah. So I say, just go straight through here, mate. There's judder bars the other way. Oh, yeah. They always love that. Love that. Well, hey, you've got a four point... I got a 4.9.

So... Do you know I worked out where I lost a few of my points? Where? I got boozed off her chops one night with her mates and ordered an Uber and then couldn't find it. And then there was this big rigmarole. Because he calls the number associated to the account. That's my number.

I answer. I'm like, oh, look for her. This is what she looks like. But it's 2 in the morning, so I don't care. Oh, yeah. You might even be close to a 5 if it wasn't for her. Well, I used to be on a 4.97, you'll remember, in the early days. Very rarely is anything my fault.

Take your rubbish, Fletch. If you are bringing rubbish into the car, do the right thing and dispose it yourself. Because obviously this is their workplace. That one time we all left drinks in the Uber. This is terrible. We all left. And it was Jase's Uber, do you remember that? Tarnish everyone with that brush. You left drinks in the Uber. This is terrible. We all left. And it was Jase's Uber. Do you remember that? Tarnish everyone with that brush.

You left drinks in the Uber. No one else left a drink in the Uber. And how many times has Vaughn said to you, take your rubbish fletch? You get out of my car. If we take it to the airport, you've always left some shit behind. Mandarin skins pushed in the cup holder.

You don't leave me Litter out the window I don't Take it with you You creature But mandarin skins Are okay on roundabouts Because they're biodegradable

100% I just don't want them Thrown from my car Okay And lastly Don't slam doors Fletch Oh my god I do all of these things

Slam the boot Don't slam the drawer It falls into Being polite And respectful Of their workplace How much chat Because I don't slam the drawer. It falls into being polite and respectful of their workplace. How much chat? Because I don't like to chat too much and I like it when

it's nice hello and goodbye and thank yous and pleasantries but shush. That said, as long as you say hello and thank you and everything, they're fine with passengers who don't want to engage in too much conversation. That's all good as long as you're polite and you say hello, goodbye, thank you. I hope you're hating all this, Megan, because

you're the one with the low Uber rating. I am so polite. I'm always like, hi, how's your day going? We had an Uber driver once and he was a spiritual healer. Okay. See, I'd be down for that too. He was a great chat, super interesting guy. I got out and I said to Sade, that's what I imagine marriage counselling's like. Yeah, right.

He just kept asking us questions and what do you think about that, Sade? Because he kept saying our names. Are you sure your wife hadn't just organised Oh my God, did we do mobile marriage counselling?

It worked a treat. You may have. F.E.M. 22. You okay? Well, I was standing up before, but now I'm sitting down

so I had to move my microphone, but I forgot. Until I, yeah, well, anyway. At the US Open, a woman was spotted dipping her chicken nuggets or chicken tenders. I guess you'd say they were tenders.

Yeah, they look long. Battered, coated, deep fried. Yeah, they're longer, so they're a tender. Yeah. Or a finger. They're a longer tender. They were too thick for a finger. It was almost like a...

It was almost too big for a tender. It was like a breast. It was like a breast. It was like a breast. No, but that's just America. Like, have you had chicken wings in America? They're like drumsticks. Oh, are they way bigger? Yeah, they inject...

Okay. Hormones. Horses. Something, yeah. So, she's explained herself, because this ended up on TV, and everybody was just like, hold your damned phone for a moment.

Was that woman dipping chicken tenders into soda? So it was a tennis and there was a break and they were just kind of going around the crowd. And everyone's just like sitting there and eating. They'd obviously seen her do it and they're like next time we're going to cut to her and expose her.

Yeah. She got a text from a friend pretty much straight after it happened saying I just saw you on TV dipping a chicken finger into Coke. And she was immediately like, oh, no. Oh, no. So apparently she said at the time her dad introduced it when she was young as a way of cooling off the chicken tenders. She really liked the taste.

But people were like, you should go to jail. You're a monster. My problem with it is because it was a crispy coating. It was like deep fried. So she had like a crispy outside. And by dipping it in the soda. It would sog it up. It sogged it up.

Correct. Correct. So other theories are apparently she also once told her nephews that she did it because she was hungover. Right. And because it gives it a bit of a sweet taste or something. Yeah, a bit of a sweeter taste to it. But no, she says she doesn't want to go to jail. She just does it.

She did it once. And look, I'm the same because when I see people, and I know I'm perhaps in a minority here, but when I see people dipping fries into soft serve. Oh no, that's a classic. At McDonald's. People like that though. And when I see people with a choc top at the movies, chip off the choc and then dip it in popcorn, I'm like, no. And when I see people with a choc top at the movies

chip off the choc and then dip it in the popcorn, I'm like, what are you doing? Have you ever tried that? I think I tried it once and I was immediately, I'm not a huge popcorn guy, so. I tried the chips in the ice cream because people made me. And I remember there was, I put it, I might have even put it on Instagram.

This was the start of the year. And yeah, I was quite surprised how many people are into dipping chips into ice cream. I don't dip my chips in ice cream, but I dip my popcorn, my ice cream in my popcorn. So current poll running on our Instagram story, dipping nuggies in Coke, 95% gross. But we also haven't tried it. I feel like those 95% of people probably haven't given it a blast.

I'd be willing to give it a try. I can say that these other things are gross because I've tried it. But why do you want to sog up your nuggy? Yeah, that's to me, it makes it go soggy. Even if it tasted okay. What if you did it real quick?

Like, if it was super crispy and you didn't give it time to... There's really no difference because when you think about it, Coke is a really sweet drink. And like, say, like a sweet and sour or like a sauce, that's a lot of sugar in that. It might be no different, really.

Right, okay, okay. But the sweet and sour sauce isn't refrigerated. It's not like cold, cold. True. Or you could eat your nose and just wash it back with some Coke. We can all try it this weekend. We've got two days on our hands. You're giving us a lot of homework this weekend.

At least she's explained herself and she was hungover, so maybe we shouldn't be judging her. Yeah, and she was with kids at the tennis and she was hungover, so she was doing God's work out there. Because it's hot. I mean, seeing how hot this is. She's already hungover and she's dealing with kids in the heat. Let her dip whatever she wants, wherever she wants.

Worldwide because she dipped a nugget in her coke. So yesterday after work, I had a meeting, an offsite meeting. Mysterious, isn't it? Yeah. And I'm going to a meeting. We're like, what's it about? So it's unimportant. You don't talk about meetings.

So anyway, I went to this meeting and I had to park around the corner and it was cold yesterday. Yeah. It was cold and it was wet. So I got out of the car and I had my beanie on, standard uniform. Yeah. I had a grey hoodie. Yeah. With a green jacket over top and I pulled the hoodie up because it was cold.

Layering. As previously mentioned. Layering. Also a new look for you. A couple of months this look, isn't it? Because you got the bomber jacket. Yeah. This was the one that you copied off, was it August?

I copied off August. Yeah. She looked really cool with a hoodie and a bomber jacket over top. So I was like, I'm going to borrow that style. Thank you, my four- got the bomber jacket. Yeah. This was the one that you copied off, was it August? I copied off August, yeah. She looked really cool with a hoodie and a bomber jacket over top. So I was like, I'm going to borrow that style. Thank you, my four-year-old daughter. Yeah.

And intergender and intergenerational, that one. It's a good look. It looks good. It's a good look. Thanks, thanks. So I had that on and I was all like that,

the hood up over the beanie down because it was cold and I was walking and it was kind of raining and I didn't really know where I was going. Okay. So the building was marked with the people I'm looking for but there was a few doors and it didn't say which door was which. So I apprehensively opened the door slowly and it opened into an area that I

wouldn't call like a foyer. It felt like I'd walked straight into the office. Oh right with lots of people. And I was expecting a reception area or some sort of I wouldn't call like a foyer. It felt like I'd walked straight into the office. Oh, right. With lots of people. And I was expecting a reception area or some sort of zone. So again, I'm looking puzzled. I slowly open the door and stick my head in, hood on, jacket on, beanie on. And everybody turns and looks. And I say, hi.

And they say, hello, can we help? Like that was the, okay. Can we help? Like that was the, okay. Can we help? And I was like, yeah, I think so. Pause. How is how they say. How can we help? So I say, oh, I'm here for a meeting, I think.

Have I come to the right area? Yeah. And they're like, who with? So I say the person's name I'm after, and they're like, oh, yes, come in, come in, come in. Yeah. And they're like, who with? So I say the person's name I'm after and they're like, oh, yes. Come in, come in, come in. Yeah. Gosh, we thought you were a vagrant.

I thought I was homeless. And then I was seeking shelter or something. I don't know what they thought my intentions were. Did they actually say that? Yeah. Oh, fuck. We thought you were a vagrant. Oh, but it's lovely to meet you for this meeting we're having.

Person who we asked to go, very vagrant looking. Yeah, start off with a terrible not compliment. Not compliment. But then obviously I'm not a vagrant. An underhanded compliment. But then in their defence, they are in an area where there are vagrants. Right. And they said they do occasionally just get people opening their door to see what's in the building.

And I said, you need a sign on the door. Yeah. Because the building's got the sign, but the door. Doesn't have it. Mysterious. Right. Straight into the office. Okay.

Not a vagrant. I get dressed up for meetings and stuff, but you're just like, you're like steady as she goes. Like if you can't handle me at my average Vaughan Smith, you can't have me at my average Vaughan Smith. Yeah, there's no Beyonce and Britney here. No, I'm down. You're just steady. Always average.

Straight down the middle. Always average. Perfectly average. Decidedly average. Yeah, like Perfecto was perfectly average. Perfectly average. Yeah.

Nothing changes. That was, so yeah, I'm not vagrant in anybody. See, I thought it kind of looked like I was a Seattle detective.

Like the guy after killing. Because he wore a hoodie with a jacket over top and the beanie. And I thought, maybe a bit of a Joel Kinnaman feel to me. No, obviously not. No, more of a homeless guy. K-Road Transient look to you. If anything, yeah. Good to know, eh?

Good to know what you think you look like versus what you do actually look like. Friday Flashback. Flashback, flashback. But right now it is my pick for Friday Flashback. Now, I gave away a clue earlier in the show. She's in the country. Easy. So you told us who it was earlier in the show.

Pretty much that it was pink. Yeah. This song was number two in New Zealand. Almost exactly, what's 2002 minus 16 years ago. So, 16 years ago. Almost. Exactly to the week.

Okay. 2002. It was number two. Do you know you asked me to find out what song had beaten it? Yeah. To the number one spot. It was this song. Complicated. How did that take you so long?

I was going to say Sk8er Boi, but I didn't have the pace. It's not as good. What? This song's not as good? As the one that Fletcher did This song held records For how long was it

Number one at the time It was in the charts Most of the year I think Yeah it was huge It like went gold Platinum-y something Something In the charts

But it It went a precious medal We know that much Managed to keep out pink From the number one spot Although I don't think Avril Lavigne could do A seven date show Not after the Lyme's disease No From the number one spot, although I don't think Avril Lavigne could do a seven-date show.

Not after the Lyme's disease. No. She had Lyme's disease. Did she get tired or something? She got hit by a tick. And then she was married to Chad Kroger. It was a hell of a time. She's had a hell of a life.

She's had a hell of a life. She's lived life. So this song, number two in New Zealand. In fact, right around the world, it was in the top ten. Number one in the UK. The official charts, it was number one there. Number one in Scotland. Two in Austria.

Australia, it did well as well. Australians love Pink. Yeah, top ten pretty much worldwide. And the song that I've chosen as our Friday flashback today. One of the best. Is this one of your like emotional songs? It sure is. Your little emo songs and you ever cry?

Just like a pill. ZM. I think I took too much I'm crying here What have you done? I thought it would be fun I can't stay on your life support There's a shortage in the switch I can't stay on your morphine Cause it's making me itch

I said I'd try to call the nurse again But she's been a little bitch I think I'll get out of here Well, I can run As fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my front seat Cause it's beating me up

I swear You're just like a pill Instead of making me better You're making me ill You're making me ill You keep making me run Just as fast as I can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears

And I swear You're just like a pill Instead of making me better You keep making me ill You keep making me, making me, yeah. I'm just as fast as I can, to the middle of nowhere, to the middle of my problems, and it feels real. I swear, I feel, instead of making me, you're making me, making me, yeah. It's Pink on ZM, Just Like A Pearl, your flashback, as we warm up to Friday jams at nine. So in the country, of course, a huge run of shows.

Already played Dunedin and Auckland. Still more Auckland shows to come. And your dad's coming up next. Oh, Dad, I loved that flashback, Fletch. He would have ruined that. Well, don't talk about him like he's dead. He's still alive and very well. Well, he's not here.

I'm just imagining. Yeah, yeah. For a minute there, you're like, oh, your dad's coming up and very well. He's not here, I'm just imagining. Yeah, yeah. For a minute there, you're like, oh, your dad's coming up. Like, her mum's going to bring up the urn with the ashes. He would love that show. Take dad to Pink to Spark. You're like, dad, this is Spark. You trip on something, you drop dad, he scatters.

Oh, he'd love to be scattered at Pink's concert. Now that Megan was just telling us while that song was playing, that that is, and I knew this was your emotional song. Yeah. You've told me that before but that song particularly

brings back memories. So like, that was when I worked at a cafe and I used to have to open the cafe on a Sunday morning and it was like

a restaurant at night so I'd have to clean the toilets and everything and they'd be like, you know, after a Saturday night there was a bit of like vom remnants.

At a restaurant? Was it a bar? It was a bar. Like, you know, after a Saturday night, there was a bit of like vom remnants. At a restaurant? Was it a bar? It was a bar. Like, you had dinner and then at late at night it was a bar. How out of control was this restaurant getting?

It changed throughout the day. I couldn't imagine you doing a job like that. Cleaning toilets. I had to like set the chairs up, mop the floors, clean the toilets and I used to like

jam that song by myself. I was like, get me out of here. It's about drug abuse, Megan. It's about her battle with drugs. Yeah, I've always thought it was about that. I was like, get me out of here. It's about drug abuse, Megan. It's about her battle with drugs. Yeah, I've always thought it was about that. I just liked the bit

where it's like, run as fast as I can to the middle of nowhere because I had to clean the toilets and I was like, ugh. I always just felt disrespectful to the nursing profession

that she called a nurse a bitch. Oh, that's my favourite line too. Yeah, but she wouldn't give you the morphine. Come on, bitch. She's got to sign out all the morphine. She's got paperwork To fill out

She's not paid enough To deal with this Pink's not a really priority She's got a ward full of people That need to be looked after Genius is that That she rhymed Itch with bitch

Like Lyrical genius Do you have Cause I don't have Like one song That I would say Is like an emotional song For me

I mean I guess I don't know If we're harking back To our younger days There is a song It might be in our, I don't know. If we're harking back to our younger days, there is a song. It might be in our system. I don't think, well, ZM, I know the pop music stations used to play it

back in the day, but not anymore. Okay, well, what's it called? It was by a band called Travis. Oh, I know this. I know this song. Let me find it, let me find it. You do. This is a real emotion.

This is really sad. What is it? It's great on me. But it's real like, This is really sad. Listen to that start. It's raining on me. But it's real like... But it's really like, God, it's just, everything's just got him down. Even the music's real humdrum, like... So why was this emotional for you? Well, I listened to it when I was working over summer, like milking cows.

Yep. And working on my grandparents' farm. Yep. He can't sleep tonight. Why were you... Why were you scared? I'm just an emotional teenager. Oh, there was a girl involved.

Oh, was there? What was her name? There was always a girl involved. There was two girls involved. Okay. And then there was a line, and it like... Something I perfectly... Because I was 17 at the time.

Right. And he said, why does it always rain on me? Is it because I lied when I was 17? And I'd lied. That was the root of the problem. And so this would make you cry. So it was, oh, it wouldn't make me cry, but it would really make me go, gah. But here it is.

Why does it always rain on me? Here it is. Is it because I lied when I was 17? Why does it always rain on me? I just cannot imagine you as a 17-year-old listening to this. Grubbing thistles and crying. What? So my grandparents had a big farm and my job was to grub the thistles.

So it was raining. I was in a raincoat and I was... You take a thistle off at the base. That's chopping them down. That's grubbing them because you're going to get a bit of the root out. Don't come at me and try to unrule my rural knowledge about grubbing. And if you got the perfect hit, you'd get under the root, you'd pull down the root straight on the trailer.

Caitlin, do you have an emotional song from your teenage years? Because I feel like you would have a good one. I sure do. The one that I remember the most is Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway. Oh, why that one? Because the first line of the lyrics is, grew up in a small town. Oh, and you grew up in Fairleigh.

Yeah. Got you in the fields. Oh, this is a great song. Because I used to run, like I'd go for a run, and I'd just imagine like going to a big town and I'd talk about like glass windows, like I'd go for a run, and I'd just imagine going to a big town and I'd talk about glass windows, high-top buildings. We've got glass windows in this building. You always do, I know.

Here we go, here it is, here it is. I was such an emotional teenager. And I was like, Mum, I've got to break away. I've got to get out of this small town. I've got to be in a big town. I'm going to Timaru. And after I've completed my broadcasting degree, Mum, I'm going to move to Gore for six months.

It's about time this girl got to the big smokes of the South Island. David, you did it, though. You did. You broke away. I know. I'm here. There it is. I'm going to cry.

Have we done this with Friday Flashback? I don't know. Because it's my week. Are you crying? It's really's my week. Are you crying? I'm just really proud of myself. I'm proud of you too. I'm perfect with you. Thank you.

My mum and dad are listening. We're all proud of ourselves. We're all proud of ourselves. I've got a lovely wife and two daughters now. I didn't let her get me down. After a lot when I was 17, she doesn't clean toilets anymore. Me again. We're all going free.

Oh, God. The wheels are off. So good. So good. I love doing this so much. Can we keep going? Yes. Can we ask people to call in if they've got a song from your emotional teenage years?

Yeah, and tell us the story. And then we'll play it. And then we'll be proud of you. We can all be proud of you. Okay, well, give us a call. 0800DARLSATM9696. What is your song from your emotional teenage years? We should get to Anya next as well.

Oh, she's got a goodie. Talking about your emotional teenage songs, this all started with My Friday Flashback and you, Megan. Just Like a Pill was my emotional teenage song when I was cleaning toilets in Nelson at a cafe. Just down on your luck. Yeah. Just, yeah.

It's like, I don't want to do this forever, Megan. Get your act together. We've heard Caitlin, she got out to Kelly Clarkson. She broke away. Oh, we're hearing from a few small town girls that use breakaway as their sort of like anthem to get up and get out there. Well, before we take,

and you're more than welcome to call into the show and text 0800DARLS.M9696 with your emotional teenage songs. We should start though with producer Anya, who has put her hand up. Yeah, Taylor Swift. 12 year old me was mosh as F.

Mosh as F. For the over 35s listening that means emotional as the F word. Yeah, she had a song called You Belong With Me. Oh, great song. And it just, it takes me back.

Oh, the banjo! What happened? What was happening? There was a boy. Oh, no, there always is. And there was a girl, and he was my best friend. Oh, no. And she was one of the popular girls, and I was,

well, the song says you're in the marching band, which I can relate to because I was in the marimba band. What? Marimba? I know that name. Wait. From on keyboard settings. You can choose what you want your keyboard to sound like,

and there's a marimba button. Yeah, marimba. It's like percussion-y. Steel drums and stuff? It's kind of just like banging stuff. Wait, so there's a whole band for banging stuff? Yeah, and because Marimba

sounds like marching band, I was like, yes, Taylor, you get me. I've got a Marimba band on YouTube. Do you want to listen? Yeah. So I'll just pause on your song.

I've got to wiggle my cord to find the sweet spot. Yep. Oh, there we are. Was that you? I wish. I could do that. Did you go to school in South America?

What school did you go to? No. I went to a Catholic primary school. In Jamaica. I'm going to run that influence. I'm going to fast forward to the... Oh, wow. Okay. We're stepping it up now Why didn't he fall

Head over heels for you? At 12 year old In the Marimba's band Not just anyone Can Marimba So what line Gets you the most? Oh this bit

I wear t-shirts She's chair captain And I'm on the Marimba band sure she's cheering captain and i'm on the river what makes me emotional about hearing that is you said you were 12 when that song came out and i was in my late 20s playing Playing it on the radio. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This one goes out to the Marimba band. All right, let's take some calls.

Jess, good morning, Jess. Morning. What is your emotional teenage song? It was Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney. What's the story? So I had my first teenage boyfriend that I fell in love with at like 14. And he recorded this off the radio onto a tape and used to sing it to me really badly. But you loved it all the same?

For those of you in your 20s, that's what you used to do to really show people you cared for them. You'd make them a mixtape of songs that were off the radio. Yeah. No, but you know now after the Netflix show, what is it? 13 Reasons Why. I couldn't remember exactly how many tapes there were. Wildly different type of mixtape. You don't want to be on that mixtape. No.

But I'm just saying cassettes have made a hipster comeback. Oh, right, right. So you could do that now. Because on the radio they used to get angry when you'd talk over the end of the song or at the start of the song because everyone was trying to get a clear copy. Yeah. Pirate. Did you break up and then this song was a reminder?

Yeah, we were together for like maybe four weeks. Yeah. That's a long time. Long time and 14-year-old. Man. It was. Wow. Okay, Jess.

All right. Well, sorry for bringing that back up. Let's go to Megan. Megan, morning Hello morning, how are you? Good, what's your, before you tell us the song Why did this song make you emotional? So I was 16, I think I was almost 17 And my first love, so he was my first real boyfriend You know, first kiss, blah blah

He ended up leaving me for another girl and you know back then it was like the biggest thing since you know the biggest heartbreak in the world yeah um he didn't get swept up by the hotties in the marimba band did he oh no no not quite not quite. Okay, and so what song made it emotional? Okay, so it was the song Big Girls Don't Cry by Fergie. And the reason why that was my particular song is because I was like, you know what, I'm a big girl. I don't need to cry over this boy. Unfortunately, I cried many times over that boy, but hey, the idea was there.

How long were you guys together? Over a year. Oh, that's a long time. That's a long time to fast forward to get to the meeting. I mean, when I say he was my first, I mean like he was my first, like, every single day. It was a big deal. I hope you know That there's nothing to do with you This person knows myself Oh, so good.

I always love the reference to the blanket in this song. Oh, I know. Here we go, this line. And I'm gonna miss you Like a child misses their blanket Oh, and then she pissed herself on stage and they got rid of her. Fletch!

Fletch! She did well with Josh Duhamel, didn't she? herself on stage and they got rid of her. Fletch! Fletch? She did. She did well with Josh Duhamel, didn't she? That guy is like straight 10. Yeah. They're not together anymore. No, I know. Well, she pissed herself.

Stop. She did. He gave it a good period where it made it look like he wasn't leaving her because of the wheeze. James, good morning. Yeah, morning. Can I just say, it's good to have a bloke call up. Yeah, let's talk about our feelings. Now, what song was your emotional teenage song?

It was Brimful of Asher by Cornerstone, I think. Oh, yeah, Cornerstone. Corner Shop. Oh, is that Corner Shop? Yeah. Wait, this is a happy song. This is supposed to be good times. Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow.

They do. Yeah, it's just nostalgic, like kind of 12, 13 years old. Okay. Transitioning from boy to man, you know, to girlfriend. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And what happened?

Oh, it was just, you know, there's always love and loss at that time in your life. And, yeah, it just really hit me at a time when lots of hormones were raging. And every time I listen to it now, I just start to well up. Oh, babes. Are you welling up now, James? Oh, yeah, a little bit. She's the one that keeps the dream alive from the morning to the evening to the end of the life. I guess it is a happy song.

She's the one that keeps the dream alive and she's gone. But I can see why if it's associated with it. Yeah, you know. Did you find another bosom for a pillow? Oh, yeah. Never had any trouble with that. Okay. That's good, man.

It's uncomfortable if they've got too big a bosom because it pushes your neck up. And chiropractors actually don't recommend it. Yeah, you've got to go for that ergonomic side. Yeah, but then you lie on top of them and they're like, I can't breathe. And you're like, shut up, it's corner shop. Things you call James. Chelsea, good morning.

Good morning, guys. Good morning. What is your emotional song? Well, mine was Titty Geiger, For You I Will. For You I Will. Okay, let me bring this up. That's got an emotional rhythm over it already, doesn't it? So what happened, Chelsea?

Oh, it was me and my 15-year-old boyfriend, and we used to text each other the lyrics at lunchtime. Do you remember your favourite line to text? There was one about jumping off a bridge or wharf or something. I don't know, but it was very, very intense. I don't know this song. Teddy Geiger writes for Shawn Mendes now. Yeah.

Caitlin knows this. Eddie Geiger writes for Shawn Mendes now. Yeah. Caitlin knows him. This does have teenage angst. It's just the whole feel of it. The whole feel of it. Thanks, you're cool, Chelsea. Somebody messaged in saying, I can't believe nobody's mentioned mid-2000s absolute breakup paradise

that was Dashboard Confessional. Oh, yes. That's true. That was just an absolute bevy of songs to cry to. In fact, the whole emo phase had a lot of good emotional songs. Back to some Fergie. Back to some Fergie again in our lives. Fair enough.

Just feeling that. Sometimes you don't know that you need Fergie until you get it and you're like, could do with a bit more of that. Yeah. Just feeling that. Sometimes you don't know what you miss. That you need, Fergie, until you get it and you're like, could do with a bit more of that. Yeah. That's enough. Some other text messages in. I'm not fit.

Okay, look. I mean, I know we had a boozy lunch yesterday, but it is 8.30 in the morning, Vaughn. This is emotional. I Miss You by Blink-182. Oh, yes. And they said you have to do the voice when you sing it. I Miss You by Blink-182. Oh, yes.

And they said you have to do the voice when you sing it. I have, yeah. You know that. While we find that, some other emotional songs. Oh, it's an oldie but it's a goodie. Lisa Loeb's Stay. That's a flesh. As a 90s kid, babe, we would have shared a few tears to that one stay

I miss you this has got a 30 odd second oh it doesn't so I just keep going skip through skip skip skip skip skip skip

skip skip skip skip to the emotion the shadow in the background of the night you've got more skipping to do we just want to

miss you okay we just want to miss you someone said the 1997 Puff Daddy classic I'll Be Missing You oh yeah Bye. You've got more skipping to do. We just want to miss you. Okay, we just want to miss you. Someone said the 1997 Puff Daddy classic, I'll Be Missing You. Oh, yeah. Beautiful by Christina Aguilera. Yeah.

Another one. Come on. Get to the bloody I Miss You bit. No, then you're going to drag it out. I miss you. Bro, you've gone. There's another chorus. I mean the verse. Where are you? And I'm so sorry. I cannot sleep, I cannot tell tonight.

I'm gonna call me. No, not the words. It doesn't matter. It's about feeling. You gotta feel what you wanna say. It doesn't matter, Vic. It doesn't matter. It's why people do Blink-182 cover bands. It's about feeling. You've got to feel what you want to say. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It's why people do Blink-182 cover bands. It's easy. It's very easy.

Like, and it's dead in a car. Are we actually waiting for the chorus? Okay, we're so close now. Stop this pain tonight. Don't waste your time on me. I'm already a voice inside your head I miss you So much of time on me

I'm already the voice inside your head Also a song you can sing without shutting your mouth once. You can sing this whole song, your lips will never touch. I'm already the voice inside your head in your mouth once. Because in this whole song, your lips will never touch. Okay. We're going to come back next with Fact of the Day and I've made an executive decision that we're going to play Fergie.

Yes. The whole thing. The whole thing. Nice. Yes. Nice. Set in. The smell of your skin lingers on me now. Nice. Sit in. I need some shelter of my own protection, baby

Be with myself in center Clarity, peace, serenity I hope you know, I hope you know That this has nothing to do with you It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightening out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've gotta get a move on with my life

It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry The path that I'm walking I must go alone. I must take the baby steps till I'm full grown, full grown. Fairy tales don't always have a happy ending, do they? And I foresee the dark ahead if I stay.

I hope you know, I hope you know that this has nothing to do with you. It's personal, myself and I We've got some straightening out to do And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket But I've gotta get a move on with my life It's time to be a big girl now And big girls don't cry Fergie, on to them, big girls don't cry. Fergie, on to them.

Big girls don't cry. That was Megan's, not our Megan Megan. You, Megan. Megan that called up. It was her emotional teenage song. That's for you, Megan. Thank you to everybody that did text in and open up about their emotional songs. Yep.

I've done some Googling because people have called me up. People have texted in. She didn't do that on stage. Or she didn't wear herself. Or she did 2005 and she opened up about it in an interview recently. We've all been there. She didn't do that on stage. Or she didn't wear herself. Or she did it in 2005 and she opened up about it in an interview recently. We were late for stage, driving down the freeway. It's Friday traffic. Get to the stage.

We have to start the show right away. I'm running on. We do Let's Get It Started. It's crazy. I jump and run across the stage and my adrenaline was going and oh my gosh. Whoopsies. How embarrassing. She's called it one of the most embarrassing moments of her life. I would have, if I was Fergie, I would have said, Will.i.am, Taboo, Apple D-App, I need you to stall the crowd.

I need to wheeze. Yeah, I know. Maybe you, maybe, I don't know, maybe Apple D-App, Taboo can go up front for once. I don't know. I'm not here to replan the black eyed peas. I need to wheeze. Dazzle them with your space suit. Yeah.

Come on there. Make a distraction. All right, it's time for... Fact of the Day. Day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is that in China, just south of Beijing, you can go to a watermelon museum.

Okay. Yep. The Chinese Watermelon Museum is where you can see a bunch of exhibits all about the watermelon. Tracing the origins of the watermelon from its birthplace in southern Africa, which is that something I did not know. I did not know that the watermelon was... I didn't know where it was from.

No, neither. I would have said like a hot part. I would have said a wetter part. Because if you've ever tried to grow watermelons, you've got to keep those things very well hydrated or the vinyl will just crumple up and die. Okay. Very hard to grow. So it's got wax watermelons,

various varieties from around the world. Outside you can go and see actual watermelons being grown because this is actually a very popular farming around the area south of Beijing, the watermelon. I don't know if this would get me in if I was a tourist in the area. You wouldn't pop into the watermelon museum?

No, it doesn't tickle my fancy. Okay, I... Megan? Not really. Not really for you either? Who's going? Is there a helmet made out of a watermelon? Okay, I would go if you could carve your own watermelon and make a helmet. I've always wanted to make a helmet out of a watermelon.

Let's do that one weekend. We should. It's a hard one because in winter, watermelons are too expensive and hard to come by. And then in summer, you're just so keen to eat the watermelon, you often forget to carve a helmet. Yeah. Okay.

Well, I'm definitely making a helmet because sometimes they have real big ones at the supermarket. Would you dry it out or just plop it on your head? I'd just plop it on. Oh, just plop it on. And then wash. Probably, yeah. Wash later. Wash off the sticky residue of the watermelon.

Get some Pantene out afterwards. Yeah. You don't need it. Let's get a photo of us all wearing watermelon helmets. Watermelon helmets. Okay. I'm keen. Okay.

Then I can die happy. You've got a simple life, Megan. That's what I like about you. You've got a very low bucket list. And the bucket could be made out of the watermelon after you've used it for a helmet. Keep your bucket list achievable. Yeah, otherwise you're just setting yourself up

for disappointment when you die and you haven't done all the hard stuff. I want to go to base camp at Everest. It costs a lot of money. It's hard to get there. It's a lot of effort. And it weathers against you. Yeah, a lot easier to make a's hard to get there. It's a lot of effort. And the weather's against you. Yeah, a lot easier

to make a helmet out of a watermelon. It's cold there. Does everyone know that? It can get quite chilly in Nepal. Yes, people probably don't think that all the time. They should.

They really should. Take weather into consideration when travelling anywhere and prepare themselves justly. So today's fact of the day, if you're ever in Beijing and you've got a hankering for a little museum visit,

you can go to the Chinese Watermelon Museum's fact of the day, if you're ever in Beijing and you've got a hankering for a little museum visit, you can go to the Chinese Watermelon Museum. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. There's a study. This has been undertaken by the National University of Singapore and Emory University Department of Economics. Okay. By proper dudes. Okay.

A Diamond is Forever and Other Fairy Tales is the title of the paper that they've worked on. The Relationship Between Wedding Expenses and Marriage Duration. Oh, okay. They evaluated the association between wedding spending and marriage duration from a survey of over 3,000 persons in the United States that have been married. Okay. They found evidence that marriage duration is inversely associated with spending on the engagement ring and wedding ceremony.

The more expensive the engagement ring and the more expensive the wedding ceremony, the shorter the marriage is likely to be. Okay. As an expert on marriage, because I've had two. Yep. Crossing to Megan, live now on the marriage desk. My second marriage was, and ring actually, was more expensive,

mostly because my first one was in Nelson and second one was in Auckland. A little bit dearer to do that in Auckland. So does that mean my second one will last not as long? As your first chance. Hasn't it lasted as much already? No, two years for the first one. Oh, that's right.

Yeah, okay. It's only been a year. You only got married in Jan. How does that work for like Kim Kardashian, 72 hours? Oh, she spent a lot. I see. Yeah, correct. Correct.

A lot was spent. Why is that? You're trying to like Overly like express Show everyone that you Really love each other With material things Yeah, and apparently

It can be It can cause I mean this is a sign Of an unhealthy relationship anyway But you can like Begrudge the person That you've spent So much money on

Which is not what Marriage is about, right? It's like Hey, I need this done Because remember that time I got you that really Expensive engagement ring Yeah, right? It's like, hey, I need this done because remember that time I got you that really expensive engagement ring? Yeah. And I, yeah, okay, well, you got a marriage and it cost a fortune.

So me and the lads are totes going to Cancun. Imagine being married to someone like that. They're like, hey, do you remember that time you forgot your F-Boss card at the cafe? You owe me a mocha. We're married. You're in debt 550. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm keeping a tally of everything. So it also found out the average in America in US dollars per wedding is $35,000. $35,000 is the average cost of a wedding

in the United States. What is that in New Zealand dollars do we know? What's the US dollar in about? It's not great. It's about 60 odd cents

at the moment. Yeah, so it's maybe 60, 65, $60,000 per wedding. So if you want to, apparently the key wasn't just less expensive, but it was more meaningful. Right, so you don't have to go all flashy. So yeah, if it means something, like maybe it's an heirloom

that you're using or the person designed it or picked it or anything like that, these were the aspects that they took into consideration with the not necessarily more expensive. It just showed more thought and more meaning had been put into it. Would you say 53, it equates to 53,000 New Zealand dollars. Would that be the average price of a wedding in New Zealand? 53? I still don't know how much one costs.

I got an indication at one stage and I was like, I beg your pardon? Like that? Yeah, you just, it was probably best you just stay out of it. I don't ask. You don't, yeah, right, okay. ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online.