ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Hayley - ZM's Fletch, Vaughan & Megan Podcast - September 27 2018

Episode Date: September 26, 2018

Vaughan had a massage that was a little too close for comfort, Community Notices and your eating injuries.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hello and welcome to the Fletch, Vaughan and Megan podcast. Thanks to Spark. Get more of what you love on the $29 prepaid rollover pack. And now, on with the show. The names Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Hello, good morning. Welcome to the show, Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. Sticking to a Mediterranean diet would just make me sad that I'm not in Mediterranean. Because you love the Mediterranean. You know I love Mediterranean. Because you love the Mediterranean. You know I love Mediterranean.

Great country. Huge country. What's the Mediterranean diet? It's olive oil. It's just the stuff that Greeks and Italians. Fish, yeah, olive oil. Wine. Feta.

Bread. Yeah, a little bit of feta. Garlic bread, pizza. I little bit of feta garlic bread pizza I don't think it's garlic bread it's a lot of spaghetti that's Italian diet yeah and then

well they're on the Mediterranean then further in you get to Turkey so you eat Turkish delights kebab I don't know what's around there oh I'm not going to go too close to Israel on that

it's a bit bomby for me North Africa sketchy oh they have tagines oh I'm all about a good tagine too close to Israel on that. It's a bit bommy for me. North Africa, sketchy. Oh, they have tagines. Oh, I'm all about a good tagine. I've been all about some Moroccan lamb tagine. Right.

Back along the Mediterranean there. Dunno, dunno, dunno. Out to the Canary Islands. Okay. And Tenerife. And listen to that Ed Sheeran song. Yeah. And then I'll come home. There we go. That's Around the World with Vaughn in 30 seconds. That's how to do a Mediterranean diet. Dunno, then I'll come home. There we go.

That's Around the World with Vaughan in 30 seconds. That's how to do a Mediterranean diet. Ta-nau, ta-nau, ta-nau. Canary Islands. Skippity, skip, skip, skip. Kind of probably see what I need to see from the boat and then Canary Islands on. All right, you lot, listen up.

It's story time. All right, three news headlines. Vaughan and Megan pick one of right, three news headlines. Vaughn and Megan pick one of the following three news headlines. Headline one, mum shows freshers how to do it. Headline two, unfortunate resemblance. And headline three, bus driver lets kids do more than sing wheels on the bus. Whoa. Okay, so number one is

The mum showing the freshers how to do it It's the video going crazy of the mum doing the funnels Is that bus driver one you let the kids drive? Yes Yeah Let the kids have a go driving the bus Did you just google that? No I read that yesterday

We had an old bus driver and I always thought one day he'd let one of us have a drive Do you reckon if you'd pushed him enough? Yeah Like in a car park or something Okay. We had an old bus driver and I always thought one day he'd let one of us in the drive. Do you reckon if you'd pushed him enough? Yeah. Like what? Like in a car park or something? No, no. Just on a country road. 100 K zone?

Oh, yeah, but a country road. Okay. Sometimes, yeah, these country roads we used to get down on the bus didn't even have a line down the middle. Right. They were just a country road. You know? And they're pretty quiet.

I reckon if we'd really pushed it, he would have let us out of the car. Jeez. Good fun. Good fun on the school bus. Okay, so, I mean, do you want that one or the unfortunate resemblance? Oh, unfortunate. Unfortunate resemblance.

Okay. Yeah. Now, Vaughan, this story actually will use some of your skills that are on LinkedIn. Does that give you a hint? Something that looks like a penis. Yes. What have you got on LinkedIn?

What is it? What is your official title? Well, I don't know. I'll just open up my LinkedIn. Because I got a thing the other day saying it was my work anniversary, and I was like, what? And it was the work anniversary since I started my business identifying. And I keep adding more businesses.

I'm a bit silly on LinkedIn. Because it says at the moment I'm executive main producer at the Vaughan Smith Independent Memory Production Factory. Right. What have I got history here? I'm the incidental genitalia and design identification consultant at Smith Architectural Consultations. I've been there for two years, seven months.

You know you're going to lose your job here one day like we all are and then you're going to need LinkedIn and it's just this stupid timeline of made up fictitious companies.

In saying that it's nine years since we started our detective agency. Slick and Eagle? Slick and Eagle. Did we ever incorporate Ferret?

Slick, Eagle and Ferret? No. She came on as a junior partner. Yeah, I'm not a partner. Oh, okay, right. Junior associate. What was the nine years that initiated Slick and Eagle? I feel like there was an event nine years ago that initiated that.

Was it Sausage Gate? We were already in existence by then, weren't we? That's just, no one here knows what Sausage Gate is. That's just between the three of us. Don't you. Don't ask what Sausage Gate is. That's just between the three of us. Don't you. Don't ask what Sausage Gate is. It's a heck of a yarn. I can't remember.

We were probably just doing some light snooping. Right. Well, you've said it before, Vaughan, you're always available to consult. Just cast an eye over. I'm pretty quick. I charge by the hour or part thereof, first hour inclusive. Well, in China, a giant skyscraper has opened, a media centre, and it does have an unfortunate resemblance.

I'm going to show you the building there. Oh, wow. It's D&B. Is this the blue one? Yeah. Is that the whole building? Yeah, that's the whole building. So the base looks like balls.

Yeah, it does, yeah. Oh, okay. So you've got maybe five or six levels of round kind of balls with kind of a grassy bit on the top of each one. Yeah. And then you've got the giant, the main building shaft. Yeah. Now the balls do

look a bit like a butterfly. Yeah. Because there are supplementary balls out the side. Do you want to know the best thing about this building though? What?

Oh, don't. Oh, it doesn't light up. Oh, yes. It shoots fireworks out the top. Someone is having a laugh. Like actual,

like it shoots fireworks out of the top and it looks like this is no accident. This is no accident. And that's in China. That's in China, I know. That person who designed that's just lost a couple of stars on their social

standing. Wow. Wow. Well, if you want to Google it, I'm sure you can find that online. Building in China that looks like a D&B. Wow. There's really not much more to that story. It's just a building that looks like a D&B. Wow. There's really not much more to that story. It's just a building that looks like a D&B. That's like, I've never seen one more accurate though.

A building more accurate. I could have, well, I mean, yeah, penis wise, that's as accurate to a penis as that soccer stadium was to a vagina. The one in Qatar. The Qatar. That's going to be where the football world cup is. I was about to say, are we going to get a few more things that represent a vagina? Oh, heck, there's no shortage.

Okay, good. There's no shortage. I'm going to Google that. Buildings that have... Because what's the female version of phallic? It's just phallic. Phallic across the board. Yeah.

Oh, okay. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Yeah. F-E-M. So, Bali Tourism has... Well, I think they're trying to put their foot down a little bit on tourists. So, I didn't know, but Bali gets five million tourists a year.

Five million? Yeah. That's a lot. Because I know a lot of Aussies going, especially Kiwis, especially like, it just seems in the last like five years, Kiwis have been swarming the place. Yeah. If you think of people that you know that have been to Bali, is there any like inappropriate photos or on the nose photos that you can think people took? Even

not only like nudity but is there like photos where people are touching or climbing or being in areas where they probably shouldn't be? There's lots of like on the beach or at the monkey you know at Ubud forest

I don't see them when my friends go there but my friends are a higher calibre than your average Bali tourist I'd say and that's not saying much about them that's saying more about how low the common denominator in Bali can be yeah so Bali is worried the quality

of their tourists is declining and they are putting in, well, considering putting in tougher rules to stop offensive behaviour. Right. So they're a bit sick of Westerners taking off their clothes and posing for disrespectful photos. There is even a photo, and I'm glad that

they pointed this out. Not that I would have done it, but it's not necessarily clear to people that don't live there that this is inappropriate. Right. There was a shrine and a temple. Now, it's a little staircase and like a throne, kind of.

It's a stone throne that's covered in moss and growth. Now, there is a photo of a Danish tourist sitting on the throne. Now, that is not the done thing because the throne is supposed to be left vacant for the Balinese Hinduism's most important deity.

So it's very offensive. Well, you've got to put a sign up on those things. Like if that was just in a park, you wouldn't know, would you? No. But maybe they do. Don't let it be accessible. Work a plastic screen around it. Because they've also said that despite what they say

and all the signs and everything, people are still wearing skimpy clothes, going topless to areas they shouldn't be. How do you know the highest ranking Hindu deity isn't a dude called Daza from Australia? He might have been reincarnated. In a bin tank singlet. On a scooter.

I'm Daza. I'm Daza. I'm the new Hindu daddy. G'day, everybody. Probably a bit of a surprise, but I've been reincarnated as an Australian. And this is my throne. Yeah, I've just been drawn to Bali. I can't explain it.

But even, like, you see pictures of everyone there in bikinis and stuff, and, like, the bikinis at the moment, the bikini bottoms are kind of like Gs. Yeah, but you're not talking about the beach. You're talking about like temple areas. In different areas. In different, okay, right. You probably shouldn't be wearing your bikini to a temple. It's not acceptable.

Right, okay. Oh, yeah, I think if you're going somewhere that you know is a temple, you dress appropriately. Yeah, and there's signs. That's fairly well put across Southeast Asia. So one of the things they're thinking about implementing is having everyone must go to these sacred places with a guide.

You won't be able to go there by yourself. You have to take a guide who will then make you leave if you do something inappropriate. Right. Because people are standing on things, sitting on things, like getting their bums out. In this photo,

they're standing by a temple with their bums out. I don't know why, but maybe they thought it was funny. So they're trying to lift the quality of tourists that goes to Bali. Good luck. Good luck with that because most of them are Australian. Yeah. FBM, the podcast. Cheetah, cheetah.

Oh, is it pumpkin eater or? Yeah, Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater. Oh, but do you say Peter? You say cheetah, cheetah, pumpkin eater. Yeah pumpkin eater or? Yeah, Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater. Oh, but do you say Peter? You say cheetah, cheetah, pumpkin eater. Yeah. Oh, it's interchangeable for any food. It's not food specific at this stage. Right.

Everyone wants to know. The reason it was Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater had a wife but couldn't keep her. Right. He put her in a pumpkin shell. Well, that's why he couldn't keep her. She didn't like that. Yeah, and those are quite small. No, but have you seen some of the pumpkins at the pumpkin growing competitions?

Yeah, I know, but even those. No, you could definitely hollow those out and fit a human. And you'd never be able to wear white. Oh, no. No, you'd be primarily, probably perfect for a Jetstar employee. Many issues with that. But I want to talk cheating now. There's been a study that has looked into what makes men and women more faithful to their partners,

including the occupations. Okay. So apparently college educated men are the most likely to carry on an affair. Now, they mean university when they say it. Oh, yeah, they mean uni. Because that's American. So they mean university educated. So like if you get a degree or a diploma.

Not just if you went to a high school. I went to a polytech, so that doesn't count, does it? No, that's counted, isn't it? No, just if you went to high school I went to a polytech So that doesn't count, does it? No, that's That's counted, isn't it? No It's like a higher high school education Like a diploma or No

It's tertiary Yeah, but it's not high It's not a university, is it? Right It's not fancy So you're saying you're not smart enough to get away with it We went to a polytech But we have a degree

Whereas you have What's that paper thing that they gave you? Participation. Yeah, just, I was there. I think it's a receipt. They frame their receipts. I frame my receipt. Like you guys have your diplomas up on the wall.

Degrees. Degrees. And I have my receipt. Money well spent. Money well spent. Hey, you're still in the same position as we are. Yeah, and our receipts would be bigger. Yeah.

True. But it's not true for the reverse for college educated women. And they found, do you want to know some of the professions? So the least likely and most likely to cheat professions. Okay. Least likely to cheat, pharmacists. That's your brother. Good for him. Okay. Least likely to cheat, pharmacists, that's your brother. Good for him.

Yeah. Librarians, chemists. What's the difference between a chemist and a pharmacist? Oh, like a scientist. Yeah, I think chemist

is more like a scientist. In a lab, in a white coat. And farmers, it's your dad. It's because they're too tired. So everyone applies for you. After a hard day.

The other three is because they're so quiet. Like pharmacies are always quiet and so are libraries. Yeah, right. You couldn't be like, hey, Sue, pass us some 500 manadoles and I've sent you a picture of my diddle. What did you say? Did someone talk about a diddle back there? What? No, definitely not.

But also like quite serious and straightforward kind of jobs. Like when you want a bit of fun outside of work. One, two, three, four, five, six. Oh, I was only supposed to give him five. Jeez, I almost killed Mr. Robson. That was heaven. So the profession's most likely to cheat. What's a headhunter?

Is that like looking for a job? It's a gang member, I believe. Yeah, I was going to say that when you said headhunter? Is that like looking for a job? It's a gang member, I believe. Yeah, I was going to say that when you said headhunters a minute ago, like gang members, I was like, oh, but they wouldn't. No, I was thinking like a recruitment. Like a recruitment person, yeah.

Like a targeted recruiter, not you. You don't go to them and be like, help me find a job. They come to you and be like, boy, have I got an opportunity for you. Yeah, that would suck because you're just looking

through candidates all the time. They're like, good candidate. Yeah, hot. And then I need to go out for a drink with this candidate suck because you're just looking through candidates all the time. They're like, good candidate. Yeah, hot. And then I need to go out for a drink with this candidate. Yeah. Yeah. See if they're right for the job. Hotel workers, that's easy.

Just nip into their room. You know? You've got to ask them first, man. You don't want to be invited. Of course, if they're like into it. But, you know, you've already got the hotel. You're there. You're there.

Restaurant workers, you're meeting lots of hotties coming in for dims. And bartenders is the most likely profession to cheat. Okay. Because again, hotties just like standing there, give them a free drink. That's like you've opened the door to conversation. You tell them your woes. Yeah.

And then boom. You're right. They see a weak spot, they hunt. Yeah. So you said university educated men. Yeah. More likely to Yeah. So you said university educated men more likely to cheat. What were the women that were more likely to cheat? Not like women without an education. So women with an education won't cheat.

That's me. Degree. Okay. In case you forgot. It makes you a better person, doesn't it? Just like that. The Top Six with Vaughan Smith. Hello there.

Today's Top Six has to do with Jacinda Ardern's ongoing trip in New York City for the United Nations and a lot of other stuff. UN ambassador Anne Hathaway requested an audience. I told Vaughan he had to say that she was a UN ambassador. But no, because people were like, oh, she's going over there to meet Hollywood celebs. I said, no, she's a UN ambassador. It's a UN trip and this is a UN ambassador.

She requested to meet. If it was me. Can you find a list of famous UN ambassadors? Because I'd be like, I'll go out with Angelina Jolie. Oh, yeah. I want to meet with all of them. What about one of the Spice Girls? Sporty Spice?

Wasn't she a UN ambassador? Sporty Spice? No, that's out of her jurisdiction that seems more like her I'd do Emma Watson oh I just

yeah imagine meeting her I wouldn't know what to say you're like your portrayal of a body was something else and I'm sure there's more to you

that magazine InStyle's done a list of which celebrities are worth the UN. That one was in a blue T-shirt. Kristen Davis, Priyanka Chopra, Anne Hathaway, Cate Blanchett, Leonardo.

Oh, I would have asked for Leonardo DiCaprio. Is he a UN ambassador? He's a UN ambassador, yeah. He's like their climate change guy. He's, yeah, special focus on climate change. Victoria Beckham, Emma Watson, Katy Perry, Angelina Jolie. All of those, please. Serena Williams, Orlando Bloom, Katy Perry, Angelina Jolie, Serena Williams, Orlando Bloom,

Giselle, how do you say her last name? Giselle Boudjian. Selena Gomez, yep. Nicole Kidman, David Beckham, Shakira! Shakira! Shakira! Imagine a dinner with just all those women. And Sarah Jessica Parker. Power dinner. Oh my god, I would have had a dinner.

I would have just done a BYO. Do they do that in New York? God, I would have had a dinner. I would have just done a BYO. Do they do that in New York? Yep. With all of them? Chinese. I would have had a Chinese BYO. How good would that be? I would just say.

After reading that list, Anne Hathaway, you're just like, oh, dud one. What? Don't say that. Would you rather have dinner with her

or anyone else on that list? I'd have dinner with Anne. I don't know. Has Anne got any special dietary requirements? I'd have dinner with Anne. I don't know. Has Anne got any special dietary requirements? She'd be like Megan. I bet some of them are particularly picky. She'd be like, I don't want to eat that. It's got seeds in it.

I only eat mints. I love seeds. I only eat... No, list things I don't eat. Oh, venison. Oh, what else? Duck. Veal.

Duck. Carbohydrates. Shellfish. Fish. Any kind of seafood. Anything. You are Anne Hathaway. Sugar, carbs.

So the top six things Anne Hathaway wanted to talk to Jacinda Ardern about. Number six, extended paid parental leave. And what Jacinda thought of her nerdy girl becomes hot performance in The Princess Diaries. Did it make the fairy tale a little more realistic? Number five on the list of the top six things Anne Hathaway wanted to talk to Jacinda about. The well-being of kids and families everywhere. And if she liked it when she was Catwoman in the final instalment of Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy. Was she Catwoman?

Yeah. Yeah? How was that performance? It was really good. Was it? I mean, everything about that trilogy was pretty great. Right. Yeah, she was good.

She was great. Selina Kyle. Okay it? I mean, everything about that trilogy was pretty great. Right. Yeah, she was good. She was great. Selina Kyle. Okay. Because I was worried. You were worried. I was just worried about her performance as Catwoman as she is about the well-being of children. And that's why she's a UN ambassador and I'm not.

Yeah. Number four on the list of the top six things Anne Hathaway wanted to talk to Jacinda Ardern about are pay equity between genders and equal roles. Yeah, girl. And if she had any feedback on her Academy Award winning role of Fatine, the prostitute dying of tuberculosis

and the musical romantic drummer, Les Miserables. That's 100% how you say it. Les Miserables. Les Miserables. Number three on the list of the things Anne Hathaway wanted to talk to Jacinda about, the initiation of family-friendly workplace policies

and if she thought her performance as a scientist in Interstellar was believable and if she had any work-ons for future scientist roles. I forgot she was even in that movie, Interstellar. Yeah, yeah. That's another Christopher Nolan movie. I like it when Christopher Nolan

gets his favourites and he uses them in a few movies. Number two on the list of the things Anne Hathaway wanted to talk to Jacinda about. Female financial independence. And if Jacinda even remembers

that she was Jake Gyllenhaal's character's girlfriend in Brokeback Mountain. That's right. Yeah. Was she in that movie about the drugs with Jake Gyllenhaal?

Who was that? What movie? Did I just? Yes. I've told you so many times. Don't have thoughts. Just enjoy. I didn't think that was a big enough movie to make this list.

The number one thing, Anne Hathaway, I wanted to talk to Jacinda about is the importance of privacy with regards to celebrities and world leaders, children and babies, as they both have infants. Yep. But also she wanted to know if Jacinda knows anyone

with Parkinson's disease and if she thought she did a good job portraying the disease on the big screen. Love and other drugs. That was what it was called. Yep.

I've never seen that. That movie about drugs with Jake Gyllenhaal. I didn't know she had Parkinson's. In that movie. In that movie. And he was like a pharmaceutical rep. He was a Pfizer rep.

Yeah. That's really heartbreaking, that movie. I know. She actually did really well in that movie. Good lord. Look, she's a great actress. She is. Every now and then I see people be like,

and half the way and rolling their eyes. I'm like, give me a half the way break. Yeah, but you'd have dinner with Leonardo DiCaprio from that list, wouldn't you? I don't know, because he'd be vaping or smoking and I'd be like put that shit away, mate. We're at a restaurant. And I'd just be disappointed when he didn't flirt with me.

I'd be like, nah. I'd like to not have dinner and pretend that he would flirt with me. I reckon it'd be hard work. He wouldn't, though, would he? What do you mean? Is Emma Watson a vegetarian? Probably. Oh, yeah, she'd be an annoying agent too. She came so close to getting to have dinner with me. Sorry, Hermione.

You've been Wingardium Leviosid. I tried my best. That's today's top six. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The podcast. Megan Markle has performed her first hongi. Oh, kia ora. Kia ora.

Where did she do this? She's not here. Not yet. She was at the opening of the Royal Academy's Oceania exhibition, which features a large collective of Maori artists. So she met the creators of Kiko Moana, which draws on a long tradition of textile arts among Maori women. Okay. So there's actually a picture of her

doing it. She's kind of smiling. I guess she, I mean, the first time you can feel a bit strange. Iso, what is the, this isn't a joke by the way, this is a serious question that maybe you might have the answer for. Say you're after some hongi etiquette. What is the eyes policy with the

hongi? Shutting the eyes or opening the eyes? I thought you shut the eyes. My problem is I'd want to know that the noses were aligned. You don't want to have your eyes shut and it turns into a kiss. Well, yeah, because if you slip down the side of the nose, then that becomes obviously dangerously close to kiss territory. Is the only culture where there is like nose-to-nose greeting? No.

Inuits. Okay. Don't they do a very close non-kissing face situation? Let me just check. Let me just check there. So she met our High Commissioner in the UK and former Governor General Sir Gerry Matapurai and his wife and yeah, did the hongi.

But yeah, she was grinning, but no one's giving her crap for that. I'm guessing someone told her this is what's going to go down. Yeah, apparently she had been practising because obviously she was going to a Maori arts exhibition. She was greeted by Porphyry and so obviously

someone had said to her, look, you're going to have a hongi. This is not unusual. It's customary. A whole line can be quite, it can be quite stressful. Yeah. I remember at school, we did a whole line of hongis.

Yeah. I just worry about my breath. I know. Do you? I always hold my breath. Yeah. I hold my breath. But I don't want anyone to think

I'm being disrespectful. I just don't want to breathe on you. Have I had a guiding hand on the neck? Oh. It was quite sensual. But they could sense my nervousness as a first timer. And I think there was a... Right.

Because to females, you go to the side, eh? No. What do you mean? Isn't there like a... Is it different for men and women? No. I think it's different. It's been so long since I've done it

There's a kiss as well There's a kiss option Because we were going down the whole line and then I accidentally went to do a kiss to a guy instead of the hongi

and I was like He wasn't into it And I was just like yeah it was well no I corrected my mistake but it was just you're just going down

the line it was very full on Yeah if I ever try to kiss a guy and he's not into it I always pretend it was a mistake Oh we're not Hongi.

Sorry, my bad. I was just going to say, at the same event, so the Hongi didn't cause a controversy. Do you know what she did at this event that everyone's like, what is happening? She shut her own car door, which has left the British public. So the royals have someone

who opens and closes their car door. Oh, I don't know. I've got time for that. Get out and shut the door behind you. Yeah. If that's the biggest problem. Yeah. Slow news day.

So no's on no's. Inuits have a traditional greeting that do it. Also the Maori of New Zealand. Hawaiians do something called a honi, not a hongi. No G in there. But same kind of thing. Same thing. Well, I mean, you know, same origins of the Pacific.

Mongolian nomadic tribes in the Gobi Desert. Okay. Southeast Asian cultures. All these countries. Cambodia, Laos, Thai, Vietnamese, Timor, Cebu, Sumba. They all have cultures that do nose on nose. Okay. Arab tribesmen were meeting other members of the same tribe

but not outside of the tribe. So rewind the clock, what, a couple of weeks back? Yep, 10 days ago, Fletch went in for a test to see if he was a viable candidate for, it sounds like I'm about to say like a liver transplant or something. You did something amazing. Laser hair removal. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. And I mentioned it last week, like it just kind of happened because you know the person. Yeah. And you booked an appointment and then all of a sudden I was there and I was like, oh God, I'm real nervous about this. So how long ago was that? A week?

Yeah, it was like that was a week ago. I did the test patch. I remember. And it was good? All good? Yeah. All clear? Good candidate?

I didn't know that some people can't like blonde people and gingers. Yeah, if you're a lighter ginger, you can't. Because there needs to be a contrast between the hair and the skin so the laser can determine what it's zapping. Otherwise, because we've got a friend who's blonde, don't we? Yeah, and apparently his butt might have to remain fluffy. We're not saying his name. Okay.

You want to, don't you? No, I was thinking all my willpower to not say his name. But no, that's fine. But no, apparently too blonde. So you're a good candidate. Yeah. So big, thick, dark, coarse hairs on your ass is what the nation now has. Thank you, Vaude.

Thank you. That's what they're picturing. Thank you, Vaude. Thank you. It's what they're picturing. It wasn't overly hairy. It was just annoying to always do maintenance. Sort of like a... Oh, right. Okay. Okay.

Yeah. So, you know. There had been maintenance. I can't believe we're talking about this. That's fine. It's fine. We're all grown ups here. You're influencing.

Lots of guys want to know. And lots of guys have like message, like you say. People are quite, you know, people are quite into beauty therapy. The amount of people that go to the Casey Clinic or any example on my Instagram feed, you know, people do like to know about this sort of stuff. So you went to On Off. This was your, like, full-blown session. Yep.

So how much got done? Did you do the whole peachy bottom? Yeah, the whole peachy bottom got done. So your cheeks as well? Yeah. So how much got done? Did you do the whole peachy bottom? Yeah, the whole peachy bottom got done. So your cheeks as well? Yeah. Okay. Do you have a definitive line where the legs start, where they stopped? Because when I get my back done,

Drew for one today, by the way, if we're all sharing the details of our hair removal, I got to go down to the T-shirt mark, but then you can see a definitive line. So when I get home, I just give it a light I just get a the head buzzer and I just give it a light

fade fade you get a fresh fade a fresh fade on your arms yeah I give my arms a fresh fade sure sure

I'll have to do that then I'll have to do that you do a fresh fade on your butt so there's a line the whole butt so what it's not that hairy.

No, no. She said it wasn't that hairy. Hey, you're only convincing yourself. It's kind of weird that you're allowed hairy legs but you're not allowed a hairy butt. It is weird that we've set standards for ourselves, but so is society and if we want to be a sexy part of it, we've got to make some, you know. And by the way,

if you're hairy and you're happy with being hairy, there's nothing wrong with that either. Just do whatever you do. You do you, bab way, if you're hairy and you're happy with being hairy, there's nothing wrong with that either. Just do whatever. Do you, do you, babes. So. Are you going to take us through this experience or? Do we have to probe you? Literally. Well, what do you want to know?

What position were you in? I mean, it was awkward enough doing it, let alone talking about it. Because I know what the situation is. Child's pose or downward dog. No, so you lie on a bed. Face down. Yeah, and they can change the height of it. Yeah, yeah No, so you lie on a bed. Face down. Yeah, and they can change the height of it. So the same thing that I get a wax on.

You lie on it face down with your face in the hole. Yeah. And like a massage table and they can go up to the height that suits them. So then, okay, so that's the general area. But then when it gets to the valley, do you have to like change position or is there an apparatus that spreads? I mean, she just kind of gently. She.

Yeah. I mean, I don't have a giant. I don't have a big booty. Yeah. Like, there was certainly no, like, knee up, spreading the cheek kind of thing. What are you trying to say? Well, no, I'm just saying everyone's different. I remember Caitlin and I have said that we've had different poses and a knee in there.

Oh, no. Women have different. Figures. We have booties. Figures. Yeah Oh no, women have different figures. We're booties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big question. Also, why do you have questions?

You get your faheen done. Yeah, but she's no, because she's had the female side of things. She wants to know how it differs

from the male. And we knew that you'd be cagey so a collective of girls has actually written a couple of questions because we want to know.

Girl power. Did you see her writing during the year? Frantically. This is from Anya and Caitlin and I. Because Anya's in the process as well

so you and her could talk about the difference in experience as well. She's not getting her bottom done. Excusez-moi. Do not talk

about my bottom. Oh no, that's right. That's the dusty puddle. So that's getting sorted out. Yeah. And Caitlin hasn't had it done

so she might have some questions. Yeah, and I got a wax yesterday. Yeah, but you're a waxer, not a laserer. And I secretly wanted it to really hurt. And do you know what it didn't hurt? Okay, well, that was one of the questions. When the laser shoots, it like jets out cold air. Oh, okay.

So you don't feel anything. Maybe they do that for good. I'm on like 10 minutes It wasn't even that It was so quick No but you've gone to Different places I'm telling you

You've got to go to my people Yeah right Do you know what I found weird Is like they Draw on you And they draw a grid on you Get out of town And the laser follows a grid

Like a butcher Marking like You know You know those pictures You see Yeah I don't have a grid It's the stakes Where you get your sirloin from.

Well, because they obviously want to know what they've done and they do it in like a certain, I'm guessing a certain order. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Wow, okay. I know, I know. So how was the pre-laser shave experience is one of the questions?

Because you have to... I've got to give 10 points to producer James. Yesterday after the show, we were talking about how your cat was being a pain. Oh, we were talking about the laser upcoming and if there was any maintenance required. And James said, I bet there is because your cat was playing with your shaver in one of your Instagram

stories. You know, Detective Super Inspector James. He spotted that. He knew what was going on. Yeah, so you have to shave the area that they laser. So shave as in razor shave or shave as in like clippers? Razor shave. Razor shave. Yeah, yeah.

How long beforehand? Like the day before. The day before. So there'd be like a slight bit of stubble on the day you would go in for your laser. Or it's still quite smooth maybe. Well, you need some stubble so it knows where to like zap. Okay, so that's good. How has the area felt since?

Like post-laser? Has there been any sensitivity? No, it's fine. It's just like normal. Okay, this is good. Have you already noticed hair loss in your test patch area? Well, I can't say because it's on my bum. But you haven't noticed any fluffies?

Well, no, I'm sure in the next few weeks I'll notice. Okay. Yeah. Have you had any positive feedback yet? Well, no, because I just had it done yesterday, Megan. Yeah, but this is you. You've already had two since then. This is not a roast.

This is not Comedy Central roast on Fletch. Okay. I'm opening up and being vulnerable here and sharing. No, no, it's good. Okay. But no feedback on the test patch? Like you could have said, you know, what do you think of this? No. Okay. But no feedback on the test patch? Like you could have said, what do you think of this? No.

Okay, entice. Or delight. Next question. A rating out of 10 for the experience. Do you recommend fuzzers? It was fine. Yeah, I'd recommend it. Because most people aren't going to have it

talked about on the radio, which would be your most embarrassing part of it. And the most embarrassing part for most people would be the first time you go in. Yeah. But then once that's done, now it's fine. Yeah.

Did you have conversation while it was happening? Yeah. Because I always find that quite... We just talked about our day. Yeah. Talked about the wonderful eateries around Britmar

and how I love me on and they do a s'mores gelato. Oh, that's to die for. And then after that was done, it's finished. Well, you wait till like the fourth or fifth. You know these people intimately. Yeah.

And then they start patting your junk and you're like, oh, we're that close. Well, she knows my butt intimately now. Did she pass it? What do you mean pass it? Oh, give it a few sessions. They'll pat it without even realising they're doing it. Done there. Good boy.

Really? Like it's a dog. When you had it done, did you have your vahine patted? Yeah. When she was giving me aftercare details, I had a wee pat. Anya's nodding. They won't even realise they're doing it. There we go.

Yeah, mate. I had a first session pat. Oh, there you go. Play when a mechanic's done with your car and he shuts the bottom. He goes, click. There you go. Yeah. Exactly like that.

We'll see you next time. Pat, pat. Exactly. Or a handyman comes around and fixes your fence, or a handywoman, and they're like, bang, bang, bang, fence is as good as new. Exactly like that. Okay, I feel we've talked too much about this.

No, it's good. It's good to share. It's good to know. Fletchborn and Megan's Community Notices. Just singing along with that, I feel like people, I get quite a few messages saying, what does that thing say at the start of Community Notices?

It says ZMFM. It's a really old, original ZM thingy. Well, they call them a radio sting or an ID when they say the station's name. It's an actual one that once was used. Yeah, back in the day. ZMFM.

Back in the day when Community Notices was like a big thing. So that's why we used it. It's a little behind the scenes. There's a theory to was used. Yeah, back in the day. Back in the day when community notices was like a big thing. So that's why we used it. It's a little behind the scenes. There's a theory to this madness. Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah, sometimes, not all the time. Welcome to Community Notices,

where we take a barometer of the nation according to what's happening on local Facebook pages. Or Neighbourly, that app. That's quite a good one. We get quite a few messages from that. People send that in. That's like Tinder or Grindr, but just for Neighbally stuff. Because it's all like you log on and it does your radius.

Yeah, right. Works out where you are. The first one comes from Levin Buy and Sell Anything page, where straight away this person breaches the rules by saying not buying or selling. This must fall under the anything, like the bed, bath and beyond. Anything that's not bed or bath, they'll say, well obviously that's from our beyond range. Not

selling or buying, just wanted to know if anyone needs a border and doesn't mind if they're on home detention. Gets paid fortnightly and will be able to get you heaps of veggies. Okay, how? That wasn't looking good until the free veggies. I know. That's where I was like,

I don't know. What has this person done? Needs a new bail address. Not getting along with the person currently living with. Obviously, the person currently living with

doesn't appreciate fresh veg on the reg. Yeah. Needs one ASAP. So, if you're in Levin and you've got a hankering for fresh veg,

are they stealing the fresh veg they've got a history that was my question i don't want to i don't want to cast aspersions but i've got a history you can't ignore the history okay uh next we go to buy and sell fong and matar where oh drama okay stolen free so it's just like one on it's confusing. Something can be stolen, but it's also free. So my, there's a lot of stuff in caps. And when it's in caps, I'm going to raise my voice. Okay.

So my sister has packed up all of my belongings into the center of my house and is selling it all. She does not have the authority to do this. And these items are stolen. She has stolen them from me while I'm effing dying in hospital. She's trying to swiftly sell it all off behind my back. Do not buy any of these items

as they are stolen from me. Oh, my God. Your sister. The sister. Wow. What's going on? Drama. Dying in hospital.

I mean, this person does have a flair for the dramatic. They might not be dying. They just might be experiencing an illness that sort of hospitalized. We don't know. Shut up, Siri. Siri just started listening to what we were saying. That's happening more and more often. Worrying.

So, yeah, don't buy anything. If you go round to someone's house and it's literally piled in the middle of the lounge, suspicions should be raised. This is another home detention question.

I mean, this is a great one to go public with rather than contacting the person whom you have home detention reports to.

Just wondering, on behalf of somebody, when you're on home detention, how often do the police come and visit to check you are actually there? This person has committed

what I would consider a minor offence and it seems like the police are checking up quite frequently. Right. Thanks. Someone's like,

it's home detention, they can literally turn up whenever they want. It's 24-7. You're supposed to be there so you need to be there. Next, some great news from Dunedin.

A rubber band ball is for sale. Have you seen these at the... Yeah. You get them at stationery shops. Oh, yeah. That's how you buy rubber bands now. But it's what you used to do with rubber bands back in the day. It's a full 180.

Bloody love it. On rubber bands. Love it. Up for trade is my New Zealand-made handcrafted ball of natural latex rubber bands. Why, you ask? Procrastination. This was the product of a five-and-a-half-hour study break from the significant essay I should have been writing,

My Loss Equals Your Gain. Please message or comment any items you have for swaps. Also wanted a professional essay writer who can write an essay on toothbrushes overnight, preferably for the cost of a rubber band ball or for free. Yours truly, future humble rubber band ball maker. Why are they writing an essay on toothbrushes? I don't know.

Question. Go on, go ahead. How do you start the rubber ball band? Band ball. How do you start a rubber band ball? Because if you just had like a rubber band, you couldn't. It's easier when you get later in the process because you can, the stretching of the rubber band creates the ball.

Do you have to start with like a tiny little ball, like a golf ball? No, you tie a rubber band in a knot, don't you? And then you just loop it round and round and round and round. But then wouldn't it be a, you know, at the end they look really perfectly round, but then it would be wonky. It's like paper mache, I guess. You start, but it's how you craft the outside. Or winding a hose.

You know when you wind a hose back onto the hose reel? Yep. And if you're not paying attention, it all goes to one side. Yeah. But if you do it nicely, oh, how good does a well-wound hose look? Yeah, it's good.

When I'm winding the hose in and I've got the time, I take the time, I do it slowly, I actually put my hand out and guide it and do like, row, row, row, row. And then when it gets to the end,

flip, back, row, row. And then I'll often say to my wife, look at the hose. And her reaction is it's well known perfectly she's like okay cool you are so sexy let's get upstairs and get to it

you know how hose winding gets me going from the Muriwai and Waimuku area community group Lucy writes so someone let themselves into our rental over the weekend, stayed the night,

and left this in the fridge. We had guests the next night who said the cottage had been slept in and found this food in the fridge. I said, we didn't have anybody in there. I guess they would have been back, but the house was occupied. It is a little creepy.

Look, the person bought a full roast meal. It's not like they left in chips and dip or something easy to carry. They left behind their plates with roast potatoes, lamb chops because there's some uncooked lamb chops that are cooked in there as well. Wow. Is this a case of mistaken accommodation?

Or like Air B&E. It's the new Air B&B. Break it in. I very much like Air B&E. It's got potential. Air it in I very much like Airbnb It's got potential Airbnb really works for me Those are today's community notices If you see anything on your local Facebook page

Please screen cap it and send it to us We're FVMZM on Facebook FVMZM There's a bit of a sore spot on the upper back Ongoing issue Okay We should have said something We could have done something about it

I know I feel I should have mentioned it to you guys to let you know that sarcasm because I've been talking about it a lot. And there's a,

I actually mentioned it when we were talking about loyalty cards the other day that I've got one loyalty card in my wallet and it's for the massage joint

just up the road. Thai reflexology. Which I'm a big fan of. Mostly because it's cheap. My only problem with, yeah true, is that, is it the Thai,

or the Thai massage is where they do the thing with your neck and they spin you. I hate that because I'm always scared it's like a movie, they'll break my neck off.

I got one of those, I got one of them early in the piece and she laughed because I probably, I obviously like tense up and she's like, relax. And I tried to relax

and then she did it again and she's like, maybe next time and laughed. Yeah, I don't like it. Yeah, I don't know if I'm going to become comfortable with someone swinging from my neck next time. Yeah. There might always be a certain, you know, resistance to that sort of thing.

So I went up to her and I got a different, I've had the same one. Okay. The same lady a couple of times. And this, as you can see by my loyalty card, was my third visit. And yesterday I got somebody different. And from the word go, it was a different sort of massage. Quite good. Okay. Quite good, but quite different. Right. So I don't know if I. somebody different. And from the word go, it was a different sort of massage. Quite good. Okay.

Quite good, but quite different. Right. So I don't know if I – Like different how? Like it just started different. Was it more painful or more like relaxing? No, it was more like really feeling around and feeling a bit and being like, oh, there, are they working that bit?

Oh, yeah. Rather than an all-over sort of situation. This was like – it felt like targeting the issue. Oh, good. And then she was semi-expl like targeting the issue oh good and then she was semi-explaining because the idea is it's pretty quiet right

you're pretty chilled yep semi-explaining what's happening and she's like oh you're tight here you're tight like because I'm terribly

unflexible unflexible inflexible not flexible one of those like I can't touch my toes without bending my knees sort of thing

and it's something I was like I really should work on my flexibility but stretching is so boring. Yeah. Yeah.

So she's explaining that it's all like related. Yeah. All the tightness. And she's like, it goes down here and these parts and then she's like rolled over.

So now I'm on my back facing upwards. Not a huge fan of that. I like, what? Are you in your knickers? I'm in my undies. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I was pretty stoked though because we got sent those new jockey originals and I was wearing them. So she was like, she didn't say anything but I felt there was an appreciation

for a nice pair of gruts. You know? Like they were brand new. First day wear. Right, okay. She's like, this guy, he's tight but he knows good gruts. I feel like they appreciate

when somebody's not turning up in like some, you know, old work. He's also tight because he hasn't bought his undies. Oh, she doesn't know that. Yeah. So I'm on my back, which is, you know, I like facing down because you feel like your more sensitive areas are hidden. So now I'm on my back.

And when I said, well, I've told this story to my wife and stuff, and she, I'll tell you you right now there was no erection because that's where everybody's mind immediately goes you're on your back you're getting a massage trust me

and I didn't have to think about it and turned on you when I told her she was like were you like trying really hard like don't do it

don't do it and it didn't even become an issue it's not how it works Anya do you know how they work no believe it or not I've works on you no do you know how they work no no i've never had one okay we're just curious like you know it's a crazy function i'm more personally wrong it happens

all the time yeah the weirdest reasons because isn't your mother-in-law does massage yeah yeah she massages you that's weird oh she hasn't for a while. Right. Because we teased you, eh? No, it's because I haven't been down to Raglan for ages. Okay. I'd be down there tomorrow. Right. So that's not a problem. But she has faced the odd person rolls over and there's something happening. Oh, not you.

No, no, no, no. Oh, good. I was like, dude, that's your mother-in-law. Oh, heck, this is embarrassing. Christ, what's for dinner? No, not like that. So I was on the back and she's like, oh, you've got these really tight parts in your legs.

Now, she was between my knee and my, what is this part? Hip. Hip. Yeah, hip joints. So she's like, and it's on the inside here. Your quads. The inside of your quads. Is this what these are?

Well, your quads are on the outer there. Yeah. This bit in here. And she pushed and she's like, feel that. And I was like, I've never known that to be a problem. I thought it was all my back. She's like, it's all connected. All connected. And so she gets an elbow in there.

Now, that's quite something to have an elbow. And it was like a little bit of pain. Okay. But you could feel that there was a tightness there. She was working it in. And then she lifts the elbow and takes a half a step towards Treasure Island. No one's calling it Treasure Island. There's no treasure there.

Desert Island. It's more of downtown Deneral. It's not downtown. It's not Nandy. It's Nandy. It's not. That's Nandy. It's Malolo. It's a Nandi. It's Nandi. It's not. That's Nandi. It's Malolo.

It's a beautiful one. People all put up with a rough boat ride to get there. I'm lost in the analogy. So she takes half an elbow step there and on the other side as well and I'm like, and I start to experience, I don't know, I don't really get stress or anxiety, but this is what I imagine it felt like. I was like lying there and then another half a step closer.

She got right into it and that's quite a lot. If you ever put your finger in, is that? Your groin muscle. Your groin muscle and push. It's a weird sensation when you do it to yourself. So imagine somebody else clambering up a bed. Yeah. And I was experiencing, I think it's the closest I've ever come to a panic attack.

Oh, a beard. The table. I was like, you need to maintain a friend. My pubic beard. She's like right in there. No, she's. But so is she like against you? Like is she brushing up against you?

They got swooshed out of the way. Right. Like there was like a push to the side. Right. Like there was a push to the side. Right. And they're like, oh my God. It's like, right. And I had to like lie. And it just felt like I had to really hold on to the bed because otherwise your immediate

reaction is to guard yourself. Yeah. And she's right in there. And like you can feel there's obviously pressure and I'm not stretching enough in there. But it was terrifying. Right, okay. To have someone elbow right in there, right beside them. What if she slipped?

I know. There was a whole bunch of stuff because she was on the bed, on the massage table. If she'd slipped off the back, she would have head-butted it. And all these things are just charging through my mind. Yeah, right. Yeah. So that's why Stiffy wasn't even on the table.

It wasn't even like I had a list of things to worry about. That was so far down the list. Like if it was a game of Family Feud, being like we've surveyed 100 Vaughns on what was the most worrying part of that. Yeah. And someone's like, oh, Invention. It wouldn't have even got the many points. Right.

So far down the list. And what, seven left until your free one. Yeah. And someone's like, wouldn't have even got the many points. Right. So far down the list. And what, seven left until your free one? Ah, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to power through. Yesterday on Facebook, a friend of mine shared one of those Facebook memories of like, it was like nine or 10 years ago. Okay.

Like the early days. Sometimes I like seeing those. You're like, that's a nice blast from the past. Other times you're like, get away. Oh, it's a great day. It's a great thing every day. I click on one of those and go and delete some stuff from 2008 that I wish I'd never said.

Yeah. And I think it's good if you can look back on yourself 10 years ago and note the improvements and things you would no longer say and then delete them like they never actually existed because one day if you might get into a bit of strife, someone's likely to find it. Vaughan's obviously eyeing up a potential political career. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And there's some things. I mean, there's some things that I'm not going to be able to deny. But there are some things that probably better didn't, you know, ever happen that people may have forgotten about. But anyway, there was a guy in the picture and I messaged him and I said, what was the deal with that guy? What was he wearing? What was the situation? Not being like a bit of a, I'm too good.

But I was always, this guy wore this hoodie and it was quite an effeminate hoodie. And I was always just a bit like, and it was too small for him. I was always like, what was, and apparently I didn't know because I didn't live by them. This was, he broke up with his ex. I found this, this is a 10 year later situation. I found out that he, when he broke up with his ex, she kept like a couple of his items of clothing.

So he stole her favourite hoodie. Not only stole it, he's like, I am going to wear it. And he'd wear it heaps. Enough to, I think, because I never asked him because I didn't know him well enough, but enough that you would say,

mate, what's up with the hoodie? Say he's just doing it to spite him. And then people would, yeah, and it was in photos online and everything. So,

and then people would be like, what's the deal with the hoodie? And they'd have a story to tell about the fact that, but it doesn't often work that way. No, because it's normally girls what's the deal with hoodie? And they have a story to tell about the fact that, but it doesn't often work that way. No, because it's normally girls, girls

love a boyfriend hoodie, don't they? Oh, and shirts. Boy shirts. And like, yeah, everything, jeans. Some girls even get into like wearing

their undies to bed if they're of a similar size. Nah. The comfy undies. Not me, but yeah. Not you, you're not into it.

Nah. Or like their boxes for like a night to sleep in. Yeah. Or just the comfort of the hoodie. Jerseys are the best too. Yeah, the hoodies.

Yeah. But then you wear them so much. What's the boyfriend going to wear? You could be... Well, no, they can't wear your stuff a lot of the time because it's too small. But then like I always wear his jerseys and he's like, you're going to leave boobie marks.

I'm not going to... Yeah, but I'm not saying that you have to give him an item of clothing. I'm just saying you're taking one of these out of circulation. Oh, that's alright. Well, then he gets to get a new one.

Yeah. And then you start wearing that. Well, they whinge because they wear it and you didn't wash it and it smells like perfume. I'm like, you smell great then.

Oh yeah, I don't mind that. And they've got boobie holes, yeah. Yeah, and boobie marks. No, I'm not,

like, if Shade doesn't wear, I'm actually insulted now. If she wore one of your hoodies though, she'd be literally in a tent. Swimming. Yeah, she'd be swimming. No, she wears my socks, and actually that makes me really angry. Because I'm like, I need a pair of socks, but they're all gone.

What kind of socks is she wearing? Sani socks. Well, just give her their own socks. But they're way bigger. Yeah. That's weird. But she's just like, oh, and I'm like, how do they, are they comfortable? And she's like, I need you to just pull them up first.

Yeah, yeah, so the heel goes up the back of the foot. The heel at the back of the, underneath the calf muscle. That's alright. Why doesn't she buy new socks? I don't know. Socks always just seem like a waste of money. You know, I hate buying new socks. Could just wear yours. I'll give you that. I'll give you that. You see a three pack of socks and you're like, see the ones for $10, I know they're not going to be great. But then you see the other ones and they're more expensive and you're like, you know what, I'll keep going. I'll just see if I come across some socks.

So I was wondering this morning if there's any items of clothing. I'm kind of after the item of clothing you've still got from me the longest time ago. Right, okay. Because I bet this guy's probably still got that hoodie. It might be in tatters, but he'd probably still have it. It's a trophy piece. Maybe you broke up with a guy and you're like, I'm taking this hoodie because it's

so comfy. Or his shirt. Have guys did it back. I'd like to know if there's more guys out there because this does, without, you know, generalising, this does seem more of a girl thing to do. Maybe you kept your lingerie and you wear it sometimes. Hey, no judge here on the show, is there? Absolutely no judge here.

0800-DARLS-AT-M-9696. What item of clothing from an ex do you still have? Some text messages in, and we're talking about what you've got of an ex's, clothing-wise. Yeah. And how long have you been holding onto it? Somebody said,

I've got my best friend's ex's high school living hoodie. Okay. He is now my flatmate, but his now girlfriend lets me keep it so that my fiance, who went to school with them, and I have matching hoodies. Huzzah.

Do you know, because I didn't do the last year of high school, I didn't get a leaving anything? Like a leaving jersey or anything? We didn't do leaving jerseys. Because they were like, oh, those are dumb, but now I really want one.

The year before us did leave his jerseys, and some of the nicknames were inappropriate, and Lever's jerseys got X-naked. Like how inappropriate? Inappropriate enough that the school was like, if you're going to wear that, cover up. We don't want nothing to do with it. Like, cover up the fact that you went here.

Okay. Some other text messages. Three weeks ago, not an ex-girlfriend, but just a random Tinder fling She took six Of my hoodies And then ghosted me

What? Savannah If you're listening I want my hoodies back Savannah Savannah Six hoodies Savannah

Na na na Get back my hoodies Savannah Na na na There's a Savannah out there That always gets that sung to her and knows. Every Savannah gets that sung to her. Every Savannah gets that sung to her.

When it comes down, they're probably like, oh, my God, Savannah sounds like my name, Savannah. Now they're like, yeah, I know, shut up. Some other text messages in. My ex stole my Nike running shorts when we broke up and refused to give them back. Apparently very comfortable, but they don't use them for running. You've touched flesh in the feels now.

In the other shorts department, I still have his leg shorts from 10 years ago. Oh, wow. Okay. That might be retro cool now if they're like official AF, what is it? NRL. Some calls. Joyce, what has your ex got of yours clothing wise? He has a scarf, a t-shirt and a belt.

Right. What kind of scarf? It feels like he's building a voodoo doll more than he's trying to keep warm or comfortable or anything. Yeah, I don't know what he's trying to build, but when I see him wearing these items, I just, yeah, get to have a laugh. But what kind of scarf? Like, is it a unisexual scarf or is it like a... I would probably say it's more feminine, but that one he uses when he's on his motorbike.

Right. Okay. It still looks feminine. And what's on the T-shirt? It's actually my old social softball team T-shirt, so it actually has the team name on it too. Weird. That's quite a personal item to just take.

Yeah, the old social sports team. And what about the belt? What's that like? It was just about to hold a sand sack. Okay, so it wasn't like

a more feminine sort of belt. Yeah, I imagine like a nice pink. I would say it's feminine. Okay. He's just really digging it. Hey, I mean,

it's better than, it's cheaper than going out and buying all these new things, isn't it? Very true. And this is from three and a half years ago that I left. Wow. Still wearing them. Still getting good wear.

Joyce, X, are you cool? Anonymous, what clothing do you have from an ex? I've got something from all my past relationships that I've taken from like eight years ago. Is that purposeful? Like you like to take a souvenir or has it just happened? Oh yeah, for sure. But like it's mostly out of revenge.

Like I'll take his favourite t-shirt and then just to have it, just to be like, well, this is mine now, you're enough. Do you walk new partners through your museum of exes being like, ah, this guy cheated on me, stole his favourite hoodie? I try to take kind of like more gender neutral stuff so that when, you know, I've currently got a boyfriend and we've been kissing

for like five years and occasionally I'll sleep in an ex's T-shirt because it's comfy and long, you know, like a nightie. Yeah, you know, you go for gender neutral just so that they don't get stuff about it. Yeah, right. You know, it's all right. I mean, that sounds healthy to me. Sounds perfectly healthy. A nod of a sexy call.

Some other text messages in. We did ocean swims together, and I kept his swimming wetsuit that I used because it was bloody expensive. I was about to say, those are not cheap. It's got a hole in it now, you can have that back. They can be like $300, $400, $500, $600, $700 depending on how fancy you go.

Yeah, that's a huge range. They can cost anything from $1 to $1,000,000. Okay, well even for an average one, you're looking probably at about $400. $300 or $400, they're not cheap. Somebody said I had a couple of hoodies and a top from a guy

I was seeing for a little while. And then when we stopped seeing each other, he found out I still had them. So we hooked up again. He hooked up with me again primarily to steal back

the hoodies. And he did. So then I hooked up with him again to steal them back and then cut off all contact and I refused. see him again. I'll never forget the day we talked about the times

you've stolen something from a Tinder hookups, you know, from a one-nighter. Yeah. Kleptos. Everywhere. Oh, yeah. What's wrong with people? Those people were stealing some, like, valuable items.

My ex bought me a puffer jacket and then we broke up two days later and asked for it back. I was like, no. It was a gift. It was a gift. And they said it fell within the five-day gifting return window.

I don't know if that's a thing. I like this. I like that that's not someone who made up on the spot. What? It was a gift. Yeah, but it falls within the five-day,

you know, gifting window. Which is in the Geneva Convention. And the Consumer Guarantee. And the United Nations thingy. FM. Yesterday on the show, we discovered what could be a Netflix crime drama set in my house.

Might only be a special, sort of a one-off situation, or we could really draw it out by getting lawyers involved. They're always a good half an episode of a Netflix crime thingy. Yeah, they are. So there was Goop, Silly Putty, the Zuru folk. On the curtains. Yeah. And I was thinking, I should have made more of a

deal out of how VAR to blame, because they're super rich. Sue them. Yeah. Sue them for curtains. They're not to blame. They didn't come round to your house and put Goopy gum. They made... Did it say on the pottle, don't put it on your curtains? It does not say on the pottle. don't put it on your curtains? It does not say on the pottle. There you go.

Don't smear on curtain. I think that pottle's going to have to be bigger if they have to put all the places you shouldn't put their gum. Shouldn't smear it. Yeah. And how intimate do they get? Like, shouldn't be smeared on another human.

I don't know. So there was goop in the curtains and it took a long time to clean. We had to pick it off and then use, again, WD-40, which is amazing stuff, which I thought was for car stuff. Who would have known it gets that out of curtains? Yeah, it can

dissolve like greasy stuff and oil-based things, so apparently that's what this is. And I said, I sat the children down and I interrogated them together then I separated them, good cop, bad cop them, that you're not in trouble now if you tell me I just need to know, sort of lie that your parents told you and then you owned up to it

and then they were angry at you and you were like, I'll never tell you the truth again. But that's why you've owned, you've got to save that for when like they ride off a car, you know,

like something like that. When you arrive, what, and the car they were driving is written off and you're like, how did you do this? And they're both there

or you know, or something. Some big ticket item. They steal $10,000 from Sade's handbag or something. Then you bust out that line. Jeez, shucks. My question would be, why do you have $10,000 cash in your purse?

But that's what you save it for, the big thing. The big ticket item. Because you've used it. Yeah, I've used it. You can't use that again. And then they were in the car and they heard me saying how I was going to say the camera in the house is recording all the time.

So I would, you know, I could go into that. They heard. So they knew that was a lie. Yeah. So this is where we find out who actually did it. Okay. Indy's teacher was listening on the way to school yesterday. Okay.

Miss Lake. Miss Lake. On the way to school. Good morning, Miss Lake. Exactly that. So she said when Indy got to school in August and Shade there too, oh, who put the goop on the curtains? And apparently Indy was like,

not me, not me, not me. And so anyway, this awesome teacher, Indy loves her and talks about her all the time. During the day, Indy admits to the crime. Indy! I know. She just went up to her and she was wracked with guilt. Must have been like wracked with guilt. We were all putting our money on Augie. I know. She just went up to her and she was wracked with guilt. Must have been like

wracked with guilt. We were all putting our money on Augie. I know. I know, yeah. And also, if it wasn't Augie, why isn't Augie

dobbing her in? I feel like that would have been right up her alley. Well, she kind of did but they were dobbing each other in. They were like, it must have been Augie

so it must have been Indy. It wasn't me so it must have been them. You'll remember Augie danced around the room saying it could have been the cat, could have been the dog.

Has anyone asked mum? She blamed mum. But she stuck up for her sister. So as the story goes, Indy has me on a technicality. Okay. Right. Because after school Miss Lake said to me oh, it was the funniest

story this morning about the goop. And I was like, yeah, you didn't get an admission during the day did you? And she was like hmm and looked at Indy and Indy's like I've got something

to tell you. And so the and she said Miss Lake said she wasn't going to dob her in she was just going to let her admit it

if she wanted to admit it if she felt comfortable in admitting it and she The Miss Lake wasn't going to tell you? She must have played like ultimate good cop

Yeah Like good good cop like best cop Like if you don't say anything wasn't going to tell you. She must have played like ultimate good cop. Yeah. Like good, good cop. Like best cop. Like if you don't say anything I'm going to be really disappointed in you. I don't even know if that was you. Just in a face. Yeah, just said it all. So Indy said I've got something to admit. And I was like

sacre bleu. Was your money on Indy? I don't know. My bets were hedged. Because if Indy does stuff like that she. My bets were hedged. Okay. Yeah, right. Because if Indy does stuff like that, she's more likely to admit to it,

whereas August just goes to ground. But then I'm to blame. Like sometimes I'll be in the cupboard and August will come in and be like, what's happening? Like she knows something's up. I'm just like, okay, I'm having a couple of biscuits and you can have one too.

Do you know what it is? She's got like the hair, as soon as you hear a little rustle of a bag or like a packet of chips. And so she'll be like, shut the door. So we shut the door to the pantry

and we're in there in the dark eating and then she'll come out and Shade's like, where have you been? And she's like, absolutely nowhere. Hates being accused.

Like comes in too hot on the denial. So Indy says, the stuff that got in the curtain was mine. Yeah. But when you asked, you said who put it on the curtain and I didn't put it on the curtain. I put it on the window and then mum pulled the curtain

and I saw the curtain stick to the window and then when she pulled it back, it wasn't on the window anymore. And so then August pipes up. I told you it was mum. And I was like, not wrong. She's not wrong. And then he said, when you asked, you said who put it on the curtain. And I didn't.

So I just kept quiet. So technicality. She got me on a technicality. She just got off. She got off because of sloppy police work. I wasn't asking the right questions. If you'd been thorough and more open in your questioning.

And my evidence gathering. But still, they should have owned up. They knew what they did. She knew what she did, yeah. So it's the great mystery that's been solved now. And I chucked the tin of stuff away. Oh, did you? Yeah.

I feel bad about that now. I knew I would though. So I put it in the bin behind the bin. I made a big dramatic, it's going in the bin and pulled the bin out. It's like that bin you've got with the two bins, the recycling guys at the back. And I chucked it and I slammed it. So I feel like, because I knew I feel bad about it in the future. So it's still there.

I'll be like, okay guys, I've got you another one. That's the old one. That can't go near the curtains. Because now like worse comes to worse, WD-40 gets it out. That's the stuff your parents don't tell you when you're a kid.

Is that if they solve it once, they know how to solve it again. Yeah. Countdown in Oriwa have a little bit of a problem and we've spoken about this before, this being a problem, with the, like, reusable shopping bags becoming a thing.

Getting rid of plastic bags altogether. You know what we had to get rid of at the weekend? What? 25 reusable shopping bags. Why did you get rid of them? We don't have room for them. There's still 25 at home. Well, you're just forgetting them all the time and buying new ones?

Oh, and you know, we get sent heaps of stuff here at work that's like in them. They weren't all specifically supermarket reusable bags. They were like reusable bags at different shops and everything. Give that now instead of the traditional disposable. It's so hard because you forget them and then you're like, I've got to get another one. Well, some supermarket car parks have those big signs saying, remember your bags. Yeah, but that's great if you one. Well, some supermarket car parks have those big signs saying, remember your bags?

Yeah, but that's great if you park your car in a supermarket car park. Oh, yeah, you don't drive. You walk. You walk in, yeah. So this is specifically for Countdown in Oriawa. They had 200 shopping baskets, the green ones. You can see where this is going. They had.

Ever since they've removed single-use plastic bags last month, they now have six plastic baskets. Because people are going in, doing their shopping, you go to self-service and then you can carry it straight to your car, then you can carry it up to your house. Like, that's convenient. Well, that's what we were saying the other week. They need to sell plastic baskets.

Yeah. Because like you said, you take that into your kitchen, unload it. You're more likely to be like, oh, there's a giant plastic basket here. I need to put it back in my car when I go back in. Yeah. Exactly. And then it's like you can go from your car to the supermarket, to the checkout, to back up to your house all in one go.

And it's like you don't need to repack. Didn't we find, when we talked about this buying your own plastic baskets, didn't someone send us a link? Where was that to? Was that like one of the big hardware stores was selling them? Or Kmart? You'd be able to get the Kmart. Yeah, you can buy them easily enough,

but I want them to sell them like multicoloured ones at the supermarket because I want a pink one. A nice pink shopping basket. Yeah. You get your own like colour. I'm sure you can online, but I would I'd imagine

they're going to start putting the BP tags on these shopping baskets at the supermarket soon enough. I even feel guilty because when you put your stuff on

with the basket and they put their hand out to take the basket and then they make their own little stack. Yeah. If they put the hand out for the basket

and you don't give them the basket that's weird confrontation. Why are you not giving them the basket? Well, no, because these people can't have given them the basket. They took them home. They'll be self-serving, though. They'll be at the self-service.

But there's always someone over the overwatcher, I call them, of the self-service. Is there? Like when the bag doesn't go in the bagging item, where are they then? And your light's flashing for ages. No one's looking at the light. I'm in West Auckland. They've only just given us self-service and we're all ready.

And they're watching it like a hawk. Yeah, because they know there's some scoundrels out there. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Today's fact of the day is about marriage, divorce and the workplace. Yeah. Today's fact of the day. Married individuals have a higher risk of divorce when the adult gender ratios of their office present more members of the opposite sex. You lost me.

So if, say for example, this workplace was full of men, Megan. Yeah. You would be more likely to divorce. Well, that's because there's lots of options. Bingo. Bingo. Quite simple, really, that study, isn't it? It is quite.

Especially true for men who are highly educated. Remember, that's the second time we've heard that today. Highly educated men are most likely to cheat. Oh. Yeah. Really? And especially if their workplace gender ratio, there's like heaps of females there.

Right. But shouldn't they be smarter than that? What is it that smart men like? Here's the thing about the smartest men, Megan. Yeah? They've still got penises. Don't act like you're saying this from experience. No, no, no, no.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm just saying every man is only as smart as his willpower to say no to his... Right. Is it because smart guys think that they can not get caught, you know? Maybe. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. Maybe they do.

They studied a whole lot of individuals of different workplaces and people that had been divorced and married again. And the divorce rate was 40% lower for individuals that got married after the age of 40 than it was those who got married between 16 and 22. So basically, don't rush into it. And people who lived outside of big cities had a 30% lower divorce risk. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah, right. And more highly educated people had a higher divorce rate than the lower educated people. Right. Which is weird, isn't it? I wouldn't have thought education

would have played much into it, but apparently it does. Is that coincidence? I don't know. Yeah. have played much into it, but apparently it does. Is that coincidence? I don't know. Yeah. So today's fact of the day is if you're a super smarty pants with like a doctorate, but you're also a dude who works in an office full of women,

your wife's not going to trust you after hearing fact of the day today. Fact of the day, day, day, day, day. Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Fletch, Vaughn and Megan. The Podcast. Well, yesterday I learned a few things. Okay. One of which is what a little Xan is. Oh, don't say that.

You sound like an old man. Little Xan is a rapper. Lil Xan. He's a rapper. He's a rapper. He raps music. I've listened to one of Lil Xan's songs. Is that what you were listening to yesterday?

And you were like, he is speaking so fast. No, no, no. I didn't say he spoke fast. I said he's speaking ill of woman. Oh, right. There was a couple of lines and I was like, Lil Xan. You're not a mother. Imagine someone rapping that about your mother. I said he's speaking ill of woman. Oh, right. There was a couple of lines and I was like, little Xan. We won't have that. Are you not a mother?

Imagine someone rapping that about your mother. Christine. Well, no, not my mother, his mother. Yeah. Whose name is Candy. Because during my little Xan, I got home and I said to Shota, have you heard about little Xan? Yeah.

She's like, what's a little Xan? I said, prepare yourself. It's a rapper. Yeah. And he's got lots of tattoos on his face. Okay. So she then launches into this like hour-long Lil Xan research project. Okay.

And she's telling me about stuff like his first facial tattoo was his mum's name because he didn't want to get in trouble with his mum. And he thought, well, if I get a tattoo on my face and it's my mum's name, she can't be angry at me. Obviously, this guy doesn't know how moms work. Yeah. But anyway, the reason I had to look into what a Lil Xan was is because Lil Xan was hospitalized.

Yesterday. And he's a rapper. You think, well, it'll be drugs or a gunshot wound. It'll be. Well, in the 1990s, when I listened to rap music. R.O.P. When it was N.W.A. NWA, Biggie, Tupac, if one of them was hospitalized, it was a gunshot wound or drug related.

This little fella just ate too many hot chippies. Not hot chippies as in like, yum, let's go to the fish and chip shop and get some hot chippies. More like spicy hot Cheetos. So Cheetos are like, because we don't have Cheetos here. I've had them in America, but- They're like Twisties, right? Yeah, they're like Twisties. Yeah, and then they go,

I think this would be great if they made Twisties, but made like a super spicy version because I'm quite a fan of like a cheese chip situation. Yeah. And also hot stuff. So this would be right up my alley.

But a little Zan said, I ate too many hot Cheetos. And so he had to go to hospital. Yeah, I wasn't in hospital due to any drugs. I ate too many hot Cheetos and it ripped something in my stomach open and then I puked and a little bit of blood came out. I mean, what has happened to rap?

But he's saying he got shot like so many times and they had to drag him to the hospital. He's like, I don't need the hospital it's like I ate too many hot cheetos and then I got a sore tum and then I did a spew and then I had some blood

and that I mean the hot tongue I don't want it right your rap has gone downhill oh it really has it truly has long gone

are the days of the drive-bys with bullets people just drive past each other throwing hot chips at each other now that's good.

It's more peaceful. Don't eat too many of these, you're going to sore stomach. Tell me what to do. And then I read more about it and apparently the family's got a long-running issue with hot Cheetos. Are you joking?

Are you joking? Well, apparently his mum's like, I think we've got a family issue with hot Cheetos because you remember her candy. His sister ate some hot Cheetos and then had to go in and have her gallbladder removed. Okay. They think it was somewhat related.

To the hot Cheetos. The stomach pains and she went in and they were like, while we're in here, we'll just get out the gallbladder as well. I would love to know this morning, not about Lil Xan. I think I know as much as I need to know about Lil Xan. Okay. I want to know if anyone's got any eating injuries. Like when food put you in hospital or made you go to the-

No, I went to Australia and ate two punnets of strawberries. No. Not that sort of injuries. I'm talking about- And not like allergies, right? No. No. I want to talk about when you ate so much,

you did yourself a mischief. When you ate something and it hurt you. Yeah, yeah. Okay. It got you. That time you had to call your mum to come and pick you up as a grown adult. Did you consider going to the hospital? Nah, I knew it was food.

You knew it was food. I'm feeling a lot better. Okay. And it was that time I ate so many ribs, is that all you can eat? Ribs for less, I popped my neck out. I was just yum, yum, yum, yum, and I was like, oh, it's full, but it's all-you-can-eat, and I just kept pushing more and more in,

and then my neck went, made this, like, gristly noise, and I was like, I think I've overeaten. And I ate myself to the point where I was like, oh, and then Sade's like, ha-ha, oh, me too, and we were both just like, what have we done? Talking about your eating injuries after a rapper was hospitalized after eating hot chips. Flamin' hot Cheetos. Cheetos, that's it.

Yep. Some text messages in on your eating injuries. Somebody said, about a month ago, I was having some hot chips in Fielding. First chip got stuck in my throat. It was really hot. So I put another chip in to try to push it down. That was equally as hot. So I opened my Coke so I put another chip in to try to push it down. That was equally as hot. So I opened my Coke and I had a

swig. No problem. About five chips later, the same thing happened. So I had another drink. Didn't think too much about it. Two hours later, my whole throat had closed over and I couldn't swallow. I couldn't breathe through my mouth and had to get driven to hospital. I had burnt my throat so badly it had blistered.

Oh my god! Yeah. Boy, did I get a lot about it from my workmates badly it had blistered. Oh my God. Yeah. Boy, did I get a lot about it from my workmates. Always blow on the chips. Is it just too soon eating the chips after they come out of the fryer? No, but like you put it in your mouth and you're like, oh, that's hot. And you put it back down. You don't shove another one in to chase it down.

No, but you know like sometimes when you're drunk and you're getting like chips maybe with your kebab combo and it's like 2am. Sometimes when you wake up in the morning your mouth's burnt a little bit I always do that with pizza pizza because the cheese is to the roof of your mouth

and then you get the sorbet on the roof of your mouth Jodie what happened you're eating incidents so we were having a grape competition when we were little and my

I had one that got stuck down my throat and we ended up in Starship Hospital and we were waiting there for ages and then we got hungry and decided to go get McDonald's and then had an x-ray and it was gone. So McDonald's flushed it down.

So this is the one where you go a few metres away and you lob the grapes into your mouth. Yep, yep. So we were trying to see who could get the most in our mouth and yeah. And just a couple of fries and a cheeseburger got rid of it? Yep. Easy.

Jodie, thanks for your call. Nicola, what was your food injury? The pineapple. Oh, okay. Like, did you not cut up the whole pineapple? So I was overdue with baby number two. Yeah. And

I was told to eat pineapple. So I burnt my lips eating the pineapple. Well, yeah, pineapple's one of the only foods that starts to eat you when you're eating it. Yeah. The enzymes dissolve you. Yeah, because you get a sore mouth

sometimes. I just thought it was from the coarse little bits he might not cut off. I thought that's what it was from. No, because you get a sore mouth sometimes. Sometimes, yeah. I just thought it was from the coarse little bits you might not cut off. I thought that's what it was from. No, it's an acidic enzyme in it. And it starts to eat you. So what, you just burnt your mouth by sucking on pineapples?

Yeah, yeah. And then I was told later on you're supposed to make it into a smoothie and suck it into a straw. It's like, well, that was a bit late. You're like... Yeah, thanks for the advice. Thanks, Nicola.

Hey, Nicola, I'm just... Would you like one of our ultimate dollar mixtures? Oh, yeah. Okay, because I keep... No pineapples. I keep eating them. So we'll send you out one of those. Thanks for your call, Nicola.

Wait there. Some other text messages in. There was a time I ate so many sour lollies I took the skin off my tongue and I couldn't eat for two days. Does your tongue have skin? Is it technically a skin? It's covering. You know those little white dots you get?

I always say they're like burst taste buds. I get those from too many sour lollies. Some sour. Fizzles your tongue. Do you remember short circuits? Yeah. You still see them every now and then in the 90s. Those were, there was no legislation in place.

And they made short circuits and kids were like, but then after a little while kids are like, no, they don't even hurt anymore. And they made these ones called super short circuits or something. And my Lord, they would tear the lining off your mouth. It just sounds like acid. Little Zan would be straight to hospital after one of them if the cheetahs upset his tummy.

ZDM's Fletch, Vaughan and Megan. The podcast. For more, check out ZDM online. and then it'd be straight to hospital after one of them. If the cheetah's upset his tummy.