93X Half-Assed Morning Show - 651-551-9393

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

Originally Aired  September 15, 2026: World Class Entertainer C. Willi Myles. You should be embarrassed. Everything you've ever wanted to know about the devil's doorbell.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, podcast friends. It's Dana here. I know you're excited for the show, so let's just get right down to Brass Tax. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 and save $140. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. online at standardheeding.com.

Enjoy the show. The 93X half-ass morning show. 90. 93. Add number to reach 93X. Then raise your sex. 6, 5, 2, 6, 5, 1. 10 us your hateful.

I wasn't aware that it would end so cold like that. I liked that. Make sure you tell us when that gets old. Make sure you get a hold of us. Keep it going. This is great. We're getting 101. text saying it already worked. Mission accomplished. We're hoping we can, yeah, we're hoping we can

drive somebody. One or two of you. We want to drive one or two of you completely insane along the way. But it's necessary. We want to make sure everybody knows our new text message telephone number. 651-551-933-93 hey a repetitive sing-songy telephone number worked for the folks over at cars for kids it can work for us 651 number 4993-6-5-1-5-5-1-923 6-1-5-5-1 953 we're getting text saying why'd you change your number I don't know we don't know no no idea if we actually for an explanation and I don't think anybody really knows. No. There are lots of decisions made around here where the bosses wait until we're not looking. It's so true.

And then they slip it through different channels hoping we won't be aware, hoping we won't notice. So yeah, for whatever reason, we have a new number for texting. It's 651-551-933-93. A lot of people are catching up. on already. Good. That's exactly what we were going for. It brings me back to the days of 59, 79, 99. Anyone recall that one? Early 90s. Yeah, yeah. It's a jingle. I'm not sure how to define it, but in the early 90s, Taco Bell bombed us with ads over this taco pricing. Oh, their value menu.

Something along those lines where you could get a taco meal for 59 cents, I think it was. 59 cents, 79 cents or 99 cents. I just remember me and my pals would just be, you know, doing whatever pals did in the early 90s, and somebody would end up humming 59, 79, 99. It would just kind of infected our brains. How about 5888-88-8-8-8-8-8. Four. Pizza Hut.

I was just going to mention that one. It was 4888-88-88. Pizza Hut delivery is really great. That's what we're going for. We got you already. There was a late-night infomercial when I went to St. Cloud State for injury a lawyer and call the heavy hitter when you get hit. Dial 6-1-2?

I won't say the rest, but he had this catch a little jingle. And we would bomb that guy with prank phone calls at like 2 in the morning on Saturday nights when we were watching TV coming back from House Party. You called the lawyer? Yep. In the middle of the night. And then he just left voice. And he had a voicemail system set up.

And he actually got back to us one time. He goes, I actually do get a kick out of this every Monday morning and hearing you guys just, Hey, dude, I got hit. Oh, no. Honestly, yeah, I'd probably have fun with that, too. Here we go again. Let's see what the boys got into this weekend. Exactly.

A few people are texting in with their hands raised because the first song said, Raise Your Hand if you want to have sex. Yeah, mine's still up, by the way. I saw yours went up. 651-551-93-93. 93 are the folks at Luther Bloomington Kia still on board? Yep, that's still their tax line. Hogbauer Automotive?

They're always a sponsor. Well, then we're all good. Oh, wow. Your texts are coming through. A lot of people saying, is this working? Is this working? It is. Yeah, you're spot on. Everybody's getting through.

J.G. Wensworth 877 Cash Now and other folks are texting in their favorite little sing-songy telephone number style jingle. I mean, the stuff works. It works. That's why they do it. It just tortures you until you're more aware

than you ever hoped to be. So there you go. Tuesday morning. Welcome to the Tuesday episode of the 93X Half Fast Morning Show. Josh, I see you're laying it on thick again. Oh, I think I know where you're going with this. He's laying it on thick.

It's going to happen someday. Same time every year, Josh is forwarding me article after article on fall colors and I can take the hint. You want to go on that autumn road trip. we'll get a little Miata and we'll just kind of drive around Minnesota and see the different fall colors. We'll follow that map to see where the hotspots are. Every fall, as I'm scrolling through, you know, Josh sends a lot of show prep my way with stories about every damn thing.

And it's very valuable, very important to the program. Cubby does a lot of research and shares it with all of us so we can be on the ball. Thanks, Josh. I don't need the thanks, but thank you. So we can be on the ball any given day. And slowly but surely he trickles in these dopey articles about fall colors. Dopey articles. I look forward to this every year.

A couple of the titles here to the articles I've received. Best Time to See Fall Colors. in the Midwest, well, one of them was an actual map to the best time and the best locations to see fall colors in the Midwest. What does this say? Let's got to make you proud, Josh. Minnesota may be the best place in the country for fall colors this year. I was pretty excited to read that. In the country.

In the whole country. Winners, that's really hard to believe because of the East Coast. That's people like go and travel there just to see the fall colors. I always think more West Coast. The East Coast has a bunch of fall colors. Yeah, like Maine, that area. Is that on the East Coast? Sure is.

Yeah, like New Hampshire, Vermont, that area. New Hampshire. That's the extent of the conversation that I'm interested in. You need to start c-seeing me on these emails because I actually would love to see him. Take Ashley, dude. Ashley, if you want to go, I mean, I'm looking for somebody. Nick would be my ultimate dream,

and that's no offense to you. him a lot longer. Well, you know, we've discussed this again year after year. I would take an interest in such a thing once we're both retired. And I have nothing to do. And I'm loving the fact that I have nothing to do. That's when you're going to talk me into something close to a tour of the fall colors. I'm going to have to be retired, bored off my ass, then it'll be a thing. I would absolutely. Is that offensive to you, Josh?

No, I understand. I understand it's not your thing. I would absolutely love to go with you, but a part of me the whole time would feel, I don't know, it wouldn't feel right because I would know that you just wanted to be with somebody else the whole time. No, I would enjoy our time together.

And, you know, I'm being very forthright in the beginning. It's not you. It's just, I've been pining for someone else for a long time. Listener wants to know, Josh, has your mother changed her number? Same number as always. If you're not familiar with it, you can find it on the bathroom stall in Flameburger and many other local establishments. Yeah, you can. But you didn't mean not to, Jesus said, don't sleep on a Miata.

You can mod the crap out of those. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Hell yeah. I was a little embarrassed to drive one, but I had an opportunity to drive one over at DCTC on their track. That was a blast. Is it cool? Oh, my gosh. I can't even tell you how fun that was.

I had no idea those cars were capable of stuff like that. Oh, I'm not going to be picky about whatever vehicle we do our fall color tour in. You're driving. Oh, I'd be fine with that. I'm not picky about what vehicle. Yeah, then you can drink. It's perfect. That's exactly where I'm going with this.

Because when I do retire, I'm going to go right back to drinking at the rate that I did when I was 26 years old. Yes. So Josh is going to be my driver man. A listener is texted in to ask where is Hogbauer Automotive. Thank you for asking. Avenue in Main Street. How long ago was it, Josh? Was it a week ago or so?

We were talking about your, you came close to fainting or you have a propensity to faint? What was this? I can't remember the details. I don't think I have a propensity to faint a lot? No, no, I don't. I mean, I have seizure. It's been a while for me, thankfully. But fainting, no.

There was something. I can't remember what it was. Yeah, because we were arguing. about like oh no it's passing out not fainting oh no there was no there was no argument i mean when a regular guy falls unconscious it's called passing out when josh does it's called fainting oh yeah yeah yeah but i don't remember and and then i don't sweat what happens again you perspire no i thought it was glisten oh you glistened that's right that's right what was that we talked about your fainting problem yeah it was it's your it's gonna be kind of it's gonna be kind of

chilly and a little rainy Friday night out on the Rock the River booze cruz. Is that a trigger for your fainting spells? Well, see, I don't have fainting spells. Does the cool, wet weather sometimes trigger your fainting problems? Yeah, again, I don't have a problem fainting, but maybe that's a trigger for some folks. Or is it heat? What makes you faint so often? See, again, not faint, but heat would be a trigger for a seizure.

We don't want that. No. That sounds terrible. Oh, okay. is this what we said? Somebody said, I fainted at the site of Jimmy Garapolo. That might have been it. Maybe that's it.

I mean, that I could see happening. How old were you when you realized you had a problem with fainting? You see, you keep saying I have a problem with fainting, but I don't, is it just me, or is he not getting that? The reason why I bring it up. He seems really stuck on that one point. He really does. A couple weeks ago, a week ago, we were talking about your fainting issues. Oh, here it is.

Jimmy Garapolo? No, it's not. the fair, the heat at the fair. Thank you. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, there was a time the first Saturday we were out there, and maybe also, I think, is because I don't stand very often, I'm usually very sedentary.

Yeah. And we're standing around for a little over a couple hours. This is embarrassing, by the way, I understand that's silly, but towards the end, I had to sit down, I'm like, I think I'm going to pass out. Faint. Pass out, yeah. That's what it was. It was the heat at the fair. There were a number of people on that

first Saturday when we were there. There were a number of people who passed out. You fainted. Passed out. Or came close to. Passing out. If it makes you feel better the second time we were there, I had the same feelings. And then as we were leaving, the EMTs were tending to somebody, and I think that they might have had the same situation going on. Because it was so hot. That does make me feel better. Oh, they fainted like Josh? No, passed out. The reason why I bring it up is I saw fainting in public listed as one of the most embarrassing situations to be in while in public. Yeah.

And, I mean, this, of course, this list could go on for days. But an abbreviated set of a set isn't the word. An abbreviated series of ideas are included in this article on the most embarrassing situations to be in while in public. Well, I've had a couple of seizures in public, and it is embarrassing. What's embarrassing about it? Do you flop like a crappie? Well, I don't know. I'm out.

Well, what do people tell you? I've been told that happens, but just more that all of us, I mean, you're conscious. It's just, you know, all of a sudden you created all this attention to yourself. And the last major seizure I had was actually here on campus at like a bagel shop. I met a former co-worker, and I was talking to him, and the next thing I know, it was like out of a movie, the hunkiest paramedic of all time. Standing over me, there's like a bright light behind him. I hear angels singing.

It was gorgeous. And it takes a while. And I wonder if other people who have seizures have the same experience. When you came, too, were your underwear on backwards? No, that was later. But I was totally, you know, you don't know what happened or where you are.

It takes a couple seconds to realize. I don't want to talk about your seizures. Now, I feel like we're going to jinx it. I feel that I don't want to talk about that. That's scary. Oh, I'm not, yeah, sorry if I'm bringing the mood down. I was just saying that it was an embarrassing experience. I mean, what are you going to do?

nothing can do about it. You were cradled in the arms of a massive muscular man? Pretty much like he's like, hey, we can load you in the ambulance, take the hospital. And I thought maybe I'd be more comfortable at your apartment or house or wherever you live. You have a girlfriend. What's your situation? Hell yeah. That kind of thing. You know, I had a little episode at the house a few months ago, a couple months ago, right? Had a little episode at the house. It has nothing you do with passing out. But the fire brigade showed up.

And maybe you'll find this funny. you had to be there. So I was sitting on my bed and I still had a T-shirt on and this fireman was talking to me about what was happening. In the end, it wasn't anything life-threatening. But, you know, you have to be sure. So tell me if you had to be there or not, Josh. The fireman says, well, let me slap some of these little gimmicks on you and read what you're doing,

you're breathing and your heart and everything, right? Those little sticky things. He wanted to put the sticky things on me. And right as I'm beginning to lift my shirt, he reaches into his pocket, I think, to get a razor. He said, I might have to, you know, shave your chest. And as I raise my shirt up, he says, oh, I see you've already taken care of that. It'd be the same for me. Which I had.

Oh, you really shaved it. Well, you might, the trimmer thing. Oh, I thought you were joking because if you don't have a hairy, you can't grow anything. No, you know, I had already, I don't do it terribly often, but every once in a while I'll run that, you know, lawnmower over my gorgeous body to try to dummy down. Lucky razor. The wife has a slogan, she says, you know, you can't have grass on a playground. What the hell is it?

Grass doesn't grow on a playground. Right. Anyway. When I passed out in public, it was embarrassing. When I fainted, yeah, when I fainted in public. But it was more because, like, once I came to, everybody was like, freaking out. So, yeah, Josh, I didn't like making a scene like you were saying. And they're like, oh my gosh, we got to call an ambulance. We got to do this. I'm like, no, just leave me alone.

Fainting in public is included in this report on the most embarrassing situations to be in while in public. Other instances included getting pulled over. I never found that embarrassing. No. More just annoying. Last time I was pulled over, it was embarrassing because he made me get out of my car. And I was like, oh, all right, that sounds wonderful. And it was like 4 o'clock in the morning. And I was like, okay, so people that are driving by, I probably think I'm getting like a Dewey or something. Oh, yeah.

Is this when you lost control and went into the ditch? No, I got pulled. This actually one of the, the only time I was ever pulled over for speeding. He made you get out of the car. Yeah, he made me get out of the car. He said it smelled a little bit like weed in there. Would there be a reason that it smelled like weed in there? I was like, no, man, I'm on my way to work.

So no, I wasn't smoking in my car or anything. I mean, there is probably some, like, residue left in my car. Sometimes I've smoked. So there was reason. Yeah, there was like marijuana in there. Yeah, like, there's a reason why it would smell like weed in there, but I wasn't, like, you know, actively smoking or had, like, a big quantity on me. But, yeah, so he had to go through my car.

And, like, that's really embarrassing because he's, like, taking stuff out. and at this time my car was an absolute disaster. It was like the end of the summer. And I don't know, you know, go hang out with buddies and stuff and you're by your car. So you just kind of like throw empties in your backseat or whatever. And so he's like pulling. He's like pulling empties out. And he's like, when's this one from?

And I was like, I could be three months ago. Could have been a year ago. I'm not really all there. I don't know, man. Getting pulled over. Some people, I guess, consider that to be embarrassing. Breaking down on the side of the road, I can see how that would be embarrassing. Yeah.

Depending on where, you know, depending on how far you're able to get your vehicle out the way. I've had that happen. I wasn't necessarily embarrassed. I had an old Ford van when I was a young kid and that effing pile of garbage. Thanks, Dirtball. Dirtball sold me the van. that pile of garbage would just die periodically. In the middle of the road?

Yeah, oh yeah. No, I always feel so bad for those people. So until I could stomp that some bitch into firing again, yeah, there were a few times where I left everybody hanging behind me. You know, the stoplight goes from red. They're honking.

Green. What's the thing between green and red? Yellow. A couple of cycles would go by before I was able to, So, yeah, I get that. If you can get your vehicle all the way off the road, there's nothing embarrassing about breaking down. But if you end up blocking traffic, sure, you got everybody wetting their pants behind you. The first time I got a flat tire was extremely embarrassing because I was with my girlfriend at the time.

And I go, okay, well, I got a flat tire. So I go back to the trunk. I'm kind of going through things. I never changed the tire in my life. And I'm kind of hoping I can just figure it out and not admit that I didn't know how. And she just sighs and goes, you don't know how to change the tire, do you? I go, no. She goes, get out of the way.

And so there I am standing the side of the road, you know, 6-2 dude watching his 5-foot-3 girlfriend change his tire for him. She's so hot for that. You know what you do? If people are driving by, just kind of start pointing at things so they think that you're teaching her out of jail. Yeah, I'm sure. You nod your head, yes. Give her a tutorial. Clap.

Clap a little. I hate to tell you this, but if you are a grown man and you can't change a tire, you also don't pass out. You faint. That's fair. Somebody, we got a text here, says, could be because I'm a female, but I find farting in public when people are around more embarrassing. Yeah, sure. That could be embarrassing?

Yeah, I mean, like, intentionally farting in public? I don't know, I'm not sure. I'm assuming she means by accident. Throwing up in public? I don't care about that. I did when I was younger. We've talked about that, though. It was much more embarrassing.

That was a death sentence back in the day. Wait a minute. So, like, you're sitting around at a restaurant tonight with other grown people and you throw up on yourself, you don't consider that embarrassing? All right, so I'm throwing up on myself now. Whatever. That's an addition, because if I threw up in, like, a trash can in public, I wouldn't bother me much. I mean, I've done that.

Okay, so it would have to be. It would have to be like I threw up on, like, the table or like, like, it was like something that, or like, yeah, threw up on myself or threw up on the ground by people. There's details here. There's technicalities. But you're walking in the state, let's say we had people in the building. We don't. Well, let's say if you're walking in the hallway here at work and you have to duck away and throw up in a trash again, everyone sees you do it. That's not embarrassing?

No, maybe it's because I've had so many, I've lived a very nauseated life. My very nauseated life, the Ashley story. Vomiting is part of almost your everyday activity. Yep. I guess I have to go along with it. Falling down a flight of stairs. Oh, yeah. Dude.

Yeah, any type of tripping in public. Oh, or like when you trip over like a little, just a little ledge, like a curb or something, something small. Falling down a flight of stairs as a grown person. I would hope that they're okay, but I would love that if I was just out in public and I saw somebody fall down some stairs. Oh, that's gold. That's making my day. That's comedy gold. Especially the kind where it looks like, oh, nope, they got it.

Oh, no, they don't got it. Oh, they got it again. Those types of falls. I've had a couple of those. When you belly flopped on that family's dinner table at the restaurant. Oh, I would pay so much money for video of that, Josh. I wish so would I. That was the dumbest fall of all time.

It felt like it took five minutes where I kept, I'd trip, and then I thought, up, I fixed that one, and then I'd start tripping again. Yeah, I bought two family meals that night. We're talking about an article that was dumped our way on the most embarrassing situations to be in while in, public. And it goes on and on and on. And of course, we could go into a thousand different directions here, but what else do we

have? Well, one of them was running out of gas. And sure, I mean, that's something you can easily control. But I'll tell you what, I paid the most I've ever paid for gas over the weekend. So I'm going to be letting it ride a little longer than I usually do. Yeah. Yeah, my mom was talking about the gas prices. And I've told you guys before, I don't really pay attention because I got to get gas.

So what's the point in my head? And so she pointed it out to me. And I looked and I was like, oh, my, that is really high, isn't it? That's insane. I'll be spreading it out. Choking at a restaurant. Yeah, anything that kind of creates attention. Yeah, I mean, I'd be embarrassed, but, you know, if I was the one who was choking, but I don't know. That rings a little differently in my head where, you know, that could happen to anybody.

So, sure, I would feel silly. Of course, assuming that I live through the situation. Josh. I would feel a little silly that anybody had to rush to my aid or I'd be, I'd feel silly if anyone feared that I was going to die. They're looking at you. People screaming and crying, things like that. Sure. But, but that's, you're going to be a story, right? Uh-huh. I suppose, but I don't know. That, that seems a little different to me. I wouldn't be so embarrassed. Falling onto someone's dinner table, I'd be more embarrassed by that than I'm choking on my meal and someone might have to pound on my chest for a minute or two.

confirm that's very embarrassing sometimes like your kids saying or doing something can be pretty embarrassing oh okay you know saying something rude to somebody not meaning to sure a little kid barking out something inappropriate yeah yeah yeah and you

you think everyone's looking at you and they're saying this guy's the worst parent in town right is that what you're talking about well yeah that's part of it but you're just embarrassed that's like ah for crying out loud you know now I got to explain this one my kid has embarrassed me for the first time I thought it was going to take a lot longer.

But he's not afraid of anybody or like doesn't care about stranger danger. So when he walks up to kids, his like immediate first instinct is to tackle them. Well, it means a tiny little baby. Yeah, but like most, I like, he doesn't know what stranger or danger means yet. But usually they kind of just like sit back and watch and stare. You know, they don't just attack right away. So like these other kids at his same age will just be sitting there chilling, looking at him and he just walks right up to them and grabs them and gets on top of them.

And I'm like, oh, great. He's establishing dominance. I created, it's probably because he has three dogs in a house and sees that. I'm like, awesome. Now I have to explain to these parents. Like, hey, sorry, my kid is attacking your child. I don't know what to do. You could throw that in at the dog park because our dogs play pretty aggressively.

So, you know, we have to be, if there's other dogs around, a lot of times, we'll just leave, you know, because for that very reason, they get, they're playing. but I think it could make some people uncomfortable. Yeah. Back to choking at the restaurant. That is probably, probably the closest I ever came to death. Was choking at a restaurant many years ago, and this is one of my favorite stories to tell.

This was the day, Josh, where you were going to get in a fight with that guy from New York. Yeah, I don't even remember that, but I think you were the one that told me that even happened. We were on, what? Oh, because there was two stories from the same trip. Yeah. Yeah, the other guy was Chicago.

I thought maybe you just misspoke. Oh, sorry. Anyway, I should be more clear. The dude who was bothering us about Mardi Gras. Yeah. I don't remember where he was from. That was a... He must have been from Louisiana or Mississippi.

He had a hard on for Mardi Gras. Yeah. Josh and I were at a bar restaurant. We were on one of those dopey radio vacations that we used to go on quite frequent. We were in Jamaica. We were in Jamaica. It was our first trip to Jamaica.

I was wildly hungover, more or less still intoxicated from the prior night. And I don't know. I think I rolled out of bed at 10, 10, 30. Met Josh at the resort bar for something to eat. And I was just a mess. I was still drunk slash hungover. Dehydrated to beat the band. Josh and I are just trying to have a nice little.

breakfast lunch and this friggin' jabrony won't shut his gaper. You know, he's been watching us broadcast from Jamaica for a couple days. And he decides to chime in and says, hey, man, you know, you guys are doing your little radio show. How come you're not talking about Mardi Gras? And because we were broadcasting during Mardi Gras. We had no idea. We're in Jamaica.

You know, I'm not tuned in to Mardi Gras. Josh and I, we don't give a rat's ass, but this guy's like, You know, currently it's Mardi Gras. Does your radio station only air in New Orleans? Why aren't you guys talking about Mardi Gras? And Josh explained to him. Well, we're here for whoever we were there for, red stripe beer, whatever the hell we were there for.

I think it was just the resort. We were promoting the resort, promoting a beer. Our conversation is going to be mostly about this resort and this beer and the great time that we're having. Josh is trying to explain to this total stranger. what we're doing down there and what is going to make up the bulk of our broadcast. He won't let it go. He keeps talking about Marty Grah, Marty Grah, you should be talking about, but Marty Grah. He's getting angry.

He's just, the guy was an idiot. And at one point or another, we just couldn't stand it anymore. Josh shoots up out of his chair and says, shut your friggin' yap, you dumb bastard. And these two are going to fight. At least it appeared to me. I had just taken a huge bite of a cheeseburger. and again, I'm so dry and gross and hung over. And I was right in the process of swallowing this big mouthful of cheese burger when Josh shot out of his chair.

So I tried to swallow it as quick as possible so I could also get up and help Josh. And it got stuck in my throat. And I think I'm grabbing Josh's shoulder to alert him to the fact that I think I'm about to die. And he thinks I'm just grabbing him. his shoulder to let him know that I'm there for him in this. And I, of course, I couldn't say anything to either you or the Gibral. I bet that killed you. And I took all of my stomach muscles and everything that it takes and just all my neck muscles and just forced it down. And I was able to breathe again, and we went. Were you like, okay, redo that, redo that because I wanted to say a couple things. And I think

all I said was like, get them, cubby! Or something like that. We can continue this later if you want, because the list is long, the most embarrassing situations to be in while in public. Yeah, I've definitely been in a couple of these, that's for sure. But you made it through. Yeah, that's the lesson, right?

You can get through anything. It'll be embarrassing for a little while, and then you'll relive it on the radio for decades. Yep, and then you'll think about it at 3 a.m. in the morning for the rest of your life until the day you die. It'll probably haunt you in heaven, too. I'm just glad I'm going to heaven. All those old stories of people being haunted in heaven.

You know, this heaven is all right. Yeah, how crap you are. But every once in a while, I have this terrible nightmare. I flash back to, all right, we've got to get going again. See, Willie Miles, I think, is going to stop by. He usually does on Tuesdays. And if he doesn't, you know what? That's all right.

So far so good. It's working today. Different story yesterday. I think folks are catching on. We'll be back with the stupid news here in a couple of minutes. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Condition.

I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the 8. tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use a code 93x to save. Standard Heating and Air Conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at

standardheating.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialki's your guy. This is his specialty with over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries. Even if your injury was years ago, don't wait. Call Bialki Law today. 763-4.4. 571-2410 or go to bialki law.com. That's b-a-l-l-k-E-law.com. You want Dave on your side. It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Promocode W-W-C-FB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more

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6.5193. That number to reach 93X. Then raise your hand if you want to have sex. 6.5.9-98. We forgot to pay our bill so they changed the message drunk. We have a brand new telephone number for texting. 651-551-933-93. Why?

We don't know. It's deep inside industry stuff. You wouldn't understand. A common question being texted in to 651-551-93-93. People are asking, do we still have their Jesus or Jesus' names on record? Yes, I think so. We do. Yeah, we do.

Believe it or not. That was one of the things that we were asking, you know, ahead of time, please make that work out so people don't have to keep taxing them. So that does work. We know who you are. And we're not going to rest until somebody ends up climbing the walls with this frigging jingle. Got quite a few text messages saying, thanks a lot, dickheads. Now I got this friggin' song locked into my head for the rest of the day. That's exactly what we're going for.

We want to make sure you're aware. 6.5-1-551. 93. A few minutes ago, we were talking about embarrassment. to be specific, the most embarrassing situations to be in while in public. We talked about this, we talked about that. Check this out. A couple text messages have come in.

This guy says he was very embarrassed when he bought himself a television. Over at the television shop, wheeled her out to the parking lot and realized it was too big to go into his car. He said, everyone's walking by and driving by watching him try to fit this television in his car. And then he had to stand outside for 20 minutes until his buddy showed up with a pickup truck to carry away the television. I've been in that situation. That does suck. He feels so stupid. Another listener says he was always very embarrassed when his dad would get out the snot rag at a public restaurant to blow his nose. All the old timers had a snot rag.

I was growing up. Yeah, and my dad would haul it out his back pocket, blow his nose, put it right back into that same pocket. Didn't matter where we were. It was gross, and yes, I can see how that would be embarrassing. Public boners fell into the conversation, Josh. Yeah, I mean, that can be embarrassing, certainly. Didn't you and your wife see a really aggressive one not too long ago?

We did. It was this past spring in. I forget if we were in. in Washington or Oregon at the time. But yeah, we went to some little bagel shop in town, and a dude was walking around with a four-alarm hard on in his little wind pants. You know, everyone out there in Oregon and Washington, they're all into biking and jogging.

That's what I noticed, one of the things I noticed, very active crowd. So when we walked into this joint to get something for breakfast, everyone's in their little workout suits. And dude had just a wall hanger. And it was just bizarre. It was especially bizarre when we noticed his wife saw it. And his wife walks up to him and reprimanded him like he was a child. Put that boner away.

We could not hear what she was saying, but it was very obvious she was saying, What in God's name are you doing walking around town with a heart on? She made him go outside. Yes. She ordered the breakfast. She made him stand out. And I could see the guy kind of, you know, I couldn't hear him again. But you could tell he was saying things like, well, I don't know.

It just happened. Man never hear of an uptuck? The wife had to chew him out. I don't have enough to uptuck. You were there. Did it seem like she's like, not again? No. No, it was.

it was just kind of straight anger. And again, she talked to him like she was, she talked to him like he was her child, reprimanded him for the boner, and he was forced to wait outside for his breakfast. Oh, he's boner guy. Now he is, at least for my wife and I, and anyone else who noticed in that little bagel shop,

yeah, he's boner guy. He's Northwest boner guy. We talked a little bit about running out of gas or having your car break down on the side of the road is an embarrassing situation to be in while in public. Here's a guy who got a little more specific. He texted in to say, the most embarrassing situation you can be in on that level

is when you're doing the walk of shame with a fuel can. You're the guy walking down the side of the road with a frigging gas can. I've never been in that situation. No, thankfully me neither. He'd it once or twice. I've rolled into the gas station on fumes, but I've never run completely. And what do you think when you see those people?

You think what kind of a grown person can't keep track of how much gas is in their vehicle? Exactly. See, that's why it's so embarrassing. But then again, I mean, Josh, I don't know about you. I'm guessing you probably have this in common with me. I drove a vehicle when I was a kid that did not have a proper fuel gauge. Oh, yeah, absolutely. You just had to do the arithmetic in your head.

Did it kind of gas. Fuel gauge didn't work. Neither did the speedometer. So there was a lot of gas. I'm guessing involved in my day-to-day operations. The dominole's a little easier, right? You drive enough you can kind of tell, but obviously there's also people around you, which helps.

Just go a little bit slower than the other guy, and you're not going to get pulled over. All right, on to the report now. Today's stupid news, and we've got a fun way to start things off. A fun way to start today's stupid news. The old fart bomb gimmick. The fart spray.

gimmick, one of the other, like when we were kids. It's always worse than I remember anytime I'm around stuff like that. I've never experienced it. The bomb's much, much worse. The bomb is way worse than the spray. And again, the bomb, from my experience, were little capsules with liquid in them. And you could just, like, for example, back in 1986 in junior high school, my brother and I were suspended for a few days for showering the hallways with a fistful of fart bombs.

It was a magical time to be alive. We had a pocket full of these little glass, not glass, plastic capsules that would easily break. So we'd just throw one in this hallway, throw another one in another hallway in our junior high. As soon as kids started walking around going class to class, someone would step on it, break it. And it was overwhelming. We were suspended for that. The spray... It is bad.

The spray, I've never used the spray. It's bad, but it's nowhere near like the bomb. Okay. The bomb stays for a long time, too. What I have here for you in a town called Fort Lauderdale, at the elementary school there in town, a kid blasted the piss out of his grade school with that fart spray. and some of the little kids got awful sick.

New kid was in the corner, puking his guts out. A few of them ended up in the hospital. He really got them. Their mouths were open. I'd prefer that over a real one. I mean, if I had a choice, but that stuff is really powerful. Yeah, a lot of fun. But I don't think it smells like a fart.

No, it smells, again, I got to go back to 1986. It smelled like rotten eggs. Sulfury rotten eggs. Three kids, like I said, went smooth over to the hospital. And it says here many other kids were, quote, impacted. Oh, come on, these kids are soft. Back in our day, we celebrated a good fart bomb. We ate it.

We poured it on top of our cornflakes cubby. We ate it for Christa. These frigging kids are soft. been impacted. One of my favorite side notes to this here story is that the Fort Lauderdale police, they had to make an official statement to the public on this incident. And they described the irritant that sent kids to the hospital. They described it plain and simple as a quote, fart bomb. A grown man had to write that in an official police report. But by God, I mean, they really went all out for this.

The police, the fire brigade showed up in a hazmat truck. Oh, come on. And I'm guessing that's because they did not know at first what they were dealing with. That's got to be it. Or nobody over there in Fort Lauderdale's ever dealt with a fart bomb. I got to go ahead and assume that there was some fear that it was a gas leak or something more dangerous than that because they showed up in the hazmat mobile. They took readings of the air and whatnot, and they determined that no hazards were present.

It was just a good old-fashioned, hilarious, all-American fart bomb. The school staff found the fart spray bottle, and it was dusted for fingerprints. And the kid responsible was taken away. Looking online to see where you can buy some of these. Boy, yeah, looks like Amazon has some. Yeah, the bombs or the spray? Excuse me, the bomb. I didn't look up the spray yet.

God, those things were funny. There's like different levels of potency, it appears. Liquid ass fart spray. Oh, that's a lovely title. Liquid ass fart spray. Liquid aspart spray. And then they call it there's some prank spray they're calling it. Wet farts.

Is there a Z in there? Uh, this one, no, this one, it's an S. Let's see. There's, there's, there's a, quite a variety. Yeah, I think that was the only time in school that my brother and I got in trouble at the same time. We both got in trouble a lot, but that was the one time where we, we teamed up. You know, we didn't get along terribly well in those days. So it was rare that we teamed up for a caper.

We teamed up for that one. We were both suspended. And I got to say that it was kind of a nice brother bonding thing that we experienced there. three days out of school suspension, which of course is miserable, out of school suspension. Oh, God, we hated it. Especially when our mother approached us

and tried to be all hard with us. And she said, well, if you're going to be home for three days, I'll tell you right now, you're going to get some work done around here. You're going to hang those blinds for me. You're going to mow the lawn. And we were like, yeah, Mom,

we're not going to do any of those things. Kiss our ass. Oh, geez. Well, I'm just telling you the story. We're not doing a damn. We always slept until 1 o'clock. It was a riot. I remember when I was working at the ice rink.

You know, back to the fact that the Fort Lauderdale police force and the fire brigade all showed up for this fart bomb. Back when I was working at the Wizzetta ice rink driving the Zamboni, one day there was a really odd and overwhelming smell that kind of kicked up out of nowhere. You know, I was more or less sound asleep in the Zamboni office. And there's knocks on my door and little mites were playing, little kids were playing. And there's a couple parents at my door saying, you've got to come out here. There's some terrible smell. And I popped out the door.

And yeah, I couldn't identify it. It was overwhelming. And then a panic set in. Everybody, it's natural gas. So honestly, parents are grabbing their children off the ice and running them out of the ice. arena and I thought I don't think that that's natural but you know I didn't really I wasn't in a panic and I even was telling some people like I don't think it's natural gas I'll find I'm running around walking around I can't find a damn thing ended up having to call the fire department

actually I didn't call someone else called the fire department they showed up and they asked me what's going on I said well you tell me I said what is this unbelievable smell ended up what it was Josh you still go to hockey rinks now and again don't you do they still have those cheap heaters that hang from the ceiling. Yeah, some of the rings do. And there's like a cage around it. Yep. Right.

What ended up happening in one of the locker rooms, the little kids got access to that ceiling heat cage thing, whatever it is. The little kids are horsing around, and they were putting like nachos and hot dogs and Mike and Ikes and mustard and everything they could find. from the concession stand, they were cooking on that heat lamp. Oh my gosh.

So it gave off this like evil, rotting fast food type smell. That's all it was. I could see as a kid doing that. Did you guys melt crayons? I have to say it. Instead of crayons. Yes. I grew up saying crayons.

On the radiators at school. Yes, we had the water radiators at our grade school. And they all were beautifully colored from melting crayons. Yeah. Hey, you're not supposed to call them crayons. What? It was so weird. I always thought I grew up saying crayons.

Oh my gosh. That's so crazy. No, no, no. It's crayons. I'm going to say crayons forever. The pronunciation. Yeah. I thought somehow the word crayon had been outlawed.

No, no, no. Oh, okay. So instead of crayons, you said crayons. Cranes. Cranes. Oh, oh. We grew up saying crayons. I've never heard that before.

There's this crayon for you. I don't know if it's still there at the Mall of America, but the Crayola experience or I'm not sure. Yeah, that was an absolute blast. Yeah, it's still there. It's way more fun than you'd expected to do. That place is pretty fun. All right. What are we got now?

There's good old-fashioned fun like a schoolhouse fart bomb, like we were just discussing. And then there's just full-on horror show behavior like this raving lunatic animal from over there in. in Thailand. There's some bitch he got caught. Fing a fish. He was nuts deep. Oh, what's wrong with you? On a coy fish, and I think I know what that is.

Yeah, they'll serve. Is a coy fish, one of those big orange and white, big fat, dopey-looking bastards? And they can be crazy expensive. Definitely. And the people that are into them seem to be pretty into them. Aren't they like... Like this guy, apparently.

Aren't they... protected in some way? They have no idea. I do not know. Last I checked, though, that's still good old-fashioned beastiality. Yeah. That ain't right. Sick. There ain't no excuse for that. Would a mermaid count

under the category of beastiality? Half of, yes. It would count 50% bestiality. We can't ignore the bottom half. It's not good, but not as bad. I wouldn't ignore the bottom half. Ashley. I would pay significant attention to the bottom half. That reminds me one of the dumbest movies I ever watched in my life. That lighthouse movie?

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. I heard that was weird. Why would you? I saw like the trailers to that. I just can't imagine you ever be like, I'm going to watch this. I'm going to give this a shot. I'll give you one reason why. I never watched the trailers. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's 100% why. I had never heard

of it. And I had read that it was this creepy movie. Is it simply called Lighthouse, or is there a different... Lighthouse or The Lighthouse? The thought of you just sitting down to watch that movie,

it's just so funny. Well, but I didn't know what I was getting myself. I know, but... If I knew what Lighthouse was going to be... Anyway, I had read it was this highly regarded creepy movie. So why the hell wouldn't I try it? I like highly regarded. I like creepy. Didn't understand.

a single solitary minute of it. Had no idea, the entire time, I had no idea what was happening. But there is a scene, if I remember, towards the end, where Willem Defoe has butt sex with a mermaid. Oh, it was a mermaid. Yeah, I believe. Okay, that's better. I had heard it was a dolphin.

That's much better. Yeah, me too. I didn't. Okay, no, no, look it up on your own. This was six years ago or so, and I didn't understand what I was looking at. Maybe I mistook a dolphin for a... You guys have to tell me because I'm no expert on the lighthouse. I didn't get it.

Yeah, I couldn't tell you. I haven't seen it. That's just what I heard. All right. It was Daryl Hannah that got me into mermaids from the movie Splash. You weren't alone. You too? Bocci.

Remember the line? Batchie balls. When she walks up on the Statue of Liberty with her jug swinging. I heard that they took the ass cheeks knocking around, everything. I heard they took the butt cheeks out. Bush? Like in the bush. I don't remember.

You heard they took the butt cheeks out of what? The end where she's like standing on the beach and they show her butt. Oh, on Disney Plus, they took out the butt cheeks. Oh, so it was on Disney Plus? They ended it out the butt cheeks. What was it then? Was it a mermaid or a dolphin? All right.

I don't know. I'm mostly reading things about a masturbation scene, I guess. Oh, yeah. Okay, I'd heard there was a gross masturbation scene too. That I don't recall. Anyway, we got a guy in Thailand here who got caught. folding of fish. He's a 51-year-old man.

So it says here, dude got ass naked. And he walked on over to his neighbor house. The neighbor has a pond chock full of fish. And here's what he did now. He grabbed up one of those coy fish. And he attached it to his little, uh, his little undersized,

Rodney. And it goes into the record books as the first ever coy fish on human blowjay. You see how that works, Cubby? Yeah. Yes, of course. All of this was recorded by security cameras. Yes, the video has been traded back and forth on that godless, soulless, and wildly misinformed social media. I, for one, I'm going to skip that video. I just saw the still photo of the nude dude. It was blurred out. It's about, it's more than I wanted to see.

Was the fish attached to his unit? No, I didn't see a fish. I didn't, quite honestly, I didn't look, give it enough time. I just kind of saw there was the image and clicked away. So the cops were called, old fish banger. He told the police that at first he was just to coming over to his neighbor's naked, so he could take a bath, which is also pretty concerning to hear. That's a little weird.

Dude told the cops that at first he wasn't thinking at all about forcing a fish into oral sex. But he said he got a boner when one of them swam past his little peepee. And so he gets in the wall. naked. One of the fish swam and it gave him a hard on and he said at that point there was no turning back. Oh God, no. Is this for realsies? It says here this dude is known by the local police and he's known in his neighborhood for doing sexual things with animals in town. Disgusting. And now this is not. Give him the chair. This is not fair.

This is not right. I have a little more information here for you, but there's no explanation. There's just a bold statement here, but no further explanation. And I'd like to have a talk with whoever wrote this article because it's not right to just go ahead and print this with no further detail. So, again, it says this dude is known in the neighborhood for doing sexual things. things with animals, and there's mention here of a pregnant dog? My word. What?

You can't talk about a guy who's notorious for banging animals, make mention of a pregnant dog and then just walk away without telling us more. But that's what they did here. Do you guys remember the first time you heard the actual meaning of the word, bitch? I remember as a very young kid thinking that was pretty funny. I don't remember. Just a female dog? Is that what you mean?

Yeah. I know people like the female dog's called a bitch. You know, I knew the swear word first. I didn't know the actual meaning of it. Yeah, I remember that being, me finding that quite silly. Yeah, I thought that was pretty funny. I hear you. But I was taught it was a pregnant dog.

Oh. But it's not, right? It's just a female dog. I think, I guess that's what I've always been told. I do remember testing that once I found that out, like with my parents. Like, I'm just talking about a female dog. What do you mean? No, you're not.

you're not saying you're not talking about a female dog when you're calling your brother a bitch yeah they knew what you were doing yeah oh here we go i was looking for this the average dog will stand between 15 and 16 inches of the withers bitches should be slightly smaller he's just talking science yeah now i know this is a stupid question but it it's not possible for dude to get a dog pregnant. Again, this article mentions a pregnant dog, and then they just walk away from that statement. That's not possible.

I don't believe so. I don't know. Call Dr. Andrea. That's a hell of a question for some. For 6.51 in the morning. Are you up? Yeah. Got a question for you.

Can a dude. You know what this guy told the cops? This guy. gets naked, jumps in his neighbor's pond so he can force a coy fish to give him a BJ. And then I mentioned he's notorious in the neighborhood for banging our house pets. You know what he told the cops?

He said that he does not have a girlfriend. What? Get out of town. Pardon the pun, but he stopped. Sounds like a catch that fella. Having sex with all those coy fish? He says he's too broke to pay a hooker. So that's why he chases down the animals in the neighborhood.

Hopefully this is it for him. Cut it off. Yeah, put him away. Burry him under the jail. It's not right. But I do think he should be allowed visitors, Josh. But his only visitors should be the most dangerous stray dogs in town. And during the visit, he has to wear underwear is made out of ham.

Yeah, I'm with you on that. Throw him in a piranha tank. See if he wants to have one of those. We've got to text. Oh, shoot. Dang, these are coming in pretty quick. Okay, here we go. Any minute now, Jesus, text in a photo and just wrote,

I mean, and it's a bunch of different coy fish who have the same look as a rubber sex doll. Yeah. So he's supposedly maybe a little tempted there. Stop that. Okay. Anesthesia, Jesus, has taken. text it in. I asked the question,

is it actually possible for a human being to impregnate a dog? Anesthesia, Jesus says, well, yeah, that's how you make werewolves. I've got a couple buddies where I'm thinking about it, I kind of wonder.

They have a dog-like look, and they're covered in fur. One in particular. He has to shave his entire body probably weekly. And he looks like a dog? Yeah, he kind of has a dog look to him He's a very loyal friend too, by the way Does he disappear?

He scratches at the door when he wants to get out When the moon is falling Goes missing for a couple days I got a couple buddies that may possibly be the missing link You know what I mean? Between primates and All right, people are wondering if we like fish sticks by the way, yeah Of course we do

So, get back to us Personally, I don't Oh, you don't? No I love fish sticks. I know you do All right, we got to get going got to get going again. This one is a quick one.

And then we'll get out of the way. This is a hell of a deal. Speaking of dangerous animals, I mentioned that maybe all the dangerous stray dogs in town need to attack this crazy sum bitch from our prior story. A joint called Chester Zoo located in stupid,

stupid, oh so stupid, England. they've kicked in a gimmick that they're calling the predator tour where you can sign up for an up-close, face-to-face-style encounter with all the most dangerous animals that they have caged there at the stinking zoo. Sounds cool. Like, say, tigers and this and that.

Maybe they got one or two of those lions, maybe a crocodile. Snakes! So what they do is they dangle your carcass out there. You get a closer-than-average look at those dangerous predator-style animals. animals. Much closer look than the average dick. They suggest buying tickets online. This is a hot ticket. That's why we're talking about this. But here's the punchline now. They could have worded things better. If you look into buying tickets to this F&D deal online, the options include the adult predator tour. And the child

Predator Tour. Whoopsies. Obviously, you know where they were going with that, but the Internet still poked pretty good fun at the zoo for making it sound like you could buy your chance to hang out with some sick maniac in a windowless van while chasing down children. There's the adult predator tour.

Nah, I don't know about that. Oh, the child predator tour, sure. Just follow the signs with Jared formerly of Subway. Oh! A spokesperson for the zoo. admitted that they made a mistake and they've corrected it and they feel terrible and this and that. That does suck. Ah, darn it.

We did it. Sports. On the 93X half-assed morning show. 6-5-1. We're talking 6-5-1-5-1-933. Luther Bloomington Key a text line also brought to you by Hogbauer Automotive 3rd Avenue and Mainst We don't know why, but we have a new text number, and it's 651-551-93-93. I'm proud of our listening audience.

They're all catching on like that real quick. They're catching on to the new number. A few of them are furious over the jingle. They're furious over the jingle, but that's what we were going for. We got you. So there you go. Hey, can you believe this, Cubby? Here we are.

What's the date? September 15th. And we're already set to pump something up here on the radio show involving the holidays. We want to give folks a heads up, is how you say it, on something we got going on come the holiday season. A show called 93X Unwrapped for the holidays. We wanted to get you something a little different this year. 93X Unwrapped will be a stripped-down live acoustic performance by a hands. handful of bands.

Like, say, Zach and Brent from Shinedown. I know a lot of people who really like Shine Down. Oh, man. Yeah. I've never met anybody that's like, eh, they're okay. I mean, it's kind of one way or the other. Dana, you're big into those guys, aren't you? Yeah, they're fun. They're great lives. So good. Ice 9 kills

will be involved in this acoustic show. And F me running, Zach Wild. That's awesome. And Dario from Black Label Society. The warning will be there. The funeral portrait, return to dust, let down.

They're all part of our holiday show. 93X Unwrapped, stripped down, acoustic. Some stories will be told along the way. All in one night. December 3rd at Target Center. We are going to be VIP upgrades available. Tickets on sale this Friday at 93X.com. 93X unwrapped.

One night, one seat. stage never to be repeated. That sounds very cool, very intimate, chill, kind of a chill experience, maybe. I could be wrong. They might still blow the doors off the joint. I like a good acoustic show, and I know some of you are going to say, how to hell can you go from Black Label Society to Randy Bachman from BTO? But a few years ago, I went and saw Randy Bachman in concert at Medina Entertainment

Center, formerly, of course, of the guests who. and Bachman Turner Overdrive, and he played a song or two and then told a story or two about the origin of the song. He talked about touring with Led Zeppelin. He told some. So I'm kind of drawn to the storytelling aspect of this show as well. I like that kind of thing, too, when they do that on acoustic shows. I bet Zach Wilde's got some great stories. The Warning was one of the bands on the list.

I hear more and more about them. People love them. Like one of our coworkers was saying her husband's obsessed. with the warning. So we're already jaw jacking about the holidays, and that's all right. Keep a heads up for 93X unwrapped. Again, tickets go on sale this Friday.

Real quick, I'll get out the way. Twins lost, Monday night football, this and that. Randy Shaver and how do you call it? See Willie Miles should be joining us at 730. Stick around for Cubby's News Report. The 93X half-assed morning show. Hey, podcast, friends. It's Dana here.

I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy. but as Minnesones, we know what season is coming up. Getting your furnace tune-up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140 if you add the AC tune-up as well. Scheduled by September 30th and use the code 93x to save.

Standard heating and air conditioning, providing the comfort you deserves is 1930. Online at standardheeding.com. Randy Shaver here, if you're dealing with a work-related injury and need someone to fight for you, then Dave Bialky's your guy. This is his specialty with a first. over 30 years of experience in helping the working person get compensated for work-related injuries, even if your injury was years ago. Don't wait. Call Bianchi Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bianchi-law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. You want Dave on your side.

It's football season. On Polymarket trade your football predictions against other fans before and during the game. You can even combine multiple trades with Polymarket combos. Code WW CFB. New customers deposit $10 and get $50 instantly to start trading. 18 plus. See Polymarkets terms of service for more information about restrictions and eligibility. The Polymarket app is an independent affiliate of Polymarket U.S. and not CFTC regulated.

Trading always involves risks. Complete loss can occur. The $50 offer is issued as non-withdrawable trading credit for use on the platform. Offer exclusively available to first-time depositors. Not available in all jurisdictions. I feel pretty good around here, but yeah, like you just be careful where you're at. I'm not too worried about it, actually, because I feel like in my... Memphis, that's common.

A 24-year-old Tennessee woman's accused of pulling a handgun from her bra and shooting her ex-boyfriend in the leg. Yeah. And then the other leg right outside a police station. Memphis police officers were inside the precinct just before 4.30 p.m. when gunfire erupted right outside their door. Seconds later, a witness burst in yelling a man had been shot. According to that witness, a woman in a flowery dress climbed out of a silver Honda.

walked straight up to a black Nissan and opened fire on the man inside. The victim told investigators he'd come to the precinct to get his house key from Brianna Moore, who he said was his girlfriend. He claimed that after getting the house key, he stepped out of his vehicle and reached for her, which is when she went from bosom to ballistics. Moore told a very different story, however. She said the man was actually her ex-boyfriend, and they'd broken up recently. The two had only met up, she said, so she could hand back him.

house keys. A passenger riding with Moore backed up her version telling police the man struck Moore in the back of the head hard enough to knock her glasses off. Oh! And that he was coming at her again when Moore decided it was time for a little tit for gat, pulling a gun from her bra, Ariola gave way to artillery, and she fired several rounds before taking off. The glasses came off. Right off her head. Yeah. Not all the bullets ended up on the guy's legs. A stray bullet nipped through the precinct's front window, whizzing past multiple officers, seated just inside. Luckily, nobody was hit. She's done, then, huh?

Yeah, she did admit she pulled the trigger, but she did insist she only did it because the ex hit her first. Okay. It's not right that your ex hit you, but... Both legs. She got him. She got him. An Indiana man's in jail after pulling a gun on a group of teenagers because one of them

called him cute. 21-year-old Alexander Price. You've been waiting for that kind of a compliment for years. I never get it. Other than, oh, that's cute. Yeah. You know, kind of sarcastically. And I think that's what the teenagers were doing, right?

I believe so. Sarcastic bastards? Well, you know, it's a little tough to tell, but probably. 21-year-old Alexander Price, who is not cute by any commonly accepted metric, was arrested following the don't call me cute dispute. According to police, a group of teenagers stopped at a wah-wah about 11.30 p.m. for smoothies when three men entered the store and began harassing them. One of those men, later identified as Price, asked the juveniles if they wanted to run 30s or fades.

Slang terms I learned for street fights. Oh, really? The suspects admitted someone in their group was ready to rumble, but said the teen would have to come outside and fight to find out who. Run 30s means come outside and fight with them. Yeah, or fades, run fades. Fades. Hmm.

I'll come around to this eventually, I think. Yeah, I'll probably forget, but that's what it means. Rather than escalate the situation, the teenagers tried an unexpected tactic. Instead of fights or fists, he offered flattery. He complimented Price and called him cute, which court records say Price did not appreciate. Apparently, there are many ways to insult a man, and according to this case, one of them is saying something nice. When the teens attempted to leave the parking lot, a pickup truck pulled in behind him and blocked their exit. Investigators said Price was behind the wheel.

According to the victims, Price rolled down his window, yelled he wanted to fight, claimed he had killed people over this. Oh my God. Then pulled a handgun and pointed it directly at a 17-year-old's head. The gun reportedly had a green laser attachment, which shined into the teen's eyes. The driver told police he tried to diffuse the situation by saying his mother was parked. nearby. It's pretty cool that it's got a laser. In a surprising victory from maternal deterrence, the strategy

apparently worked. Price moved his truck, allowing the teens to leave, at least temporarily. Court records, Day Price then began chasing the teenagers down the road. This guy's just a pain in the ass. Yeah, he's got some issues. He's a grown man. Yep, and these kids are under the age

18. The juveniles called 911 while fleeing and told dispatchers they were being followed by a man who pointed a handgun at them. Police later confronted Price, who initially denied any involvement. However, after investigators presented him with the sworn enemy of bad lies, evidence, he changed his story and admitted he was involved. A search of his truck uncovered a handgun matching the victim's description. When shown the firearm, Price, who spent the evening trying very hard to convince everyone he was the toughest guy in Hamilton

County. Oh, did he start crying? Began crying. Nice. We win again, Cubby. You bitch. He began crying, and he told officers he actually took the gun from his grandpa without permission. You're not allowed to take a gun from your grandpa. What a loser. Mine lets me hold the remote after we watch the power ball. That's about as far as it goes. Apparently, officers also found a Louis Vuitton backpack containing a digital scale, glass smoking devices, plastic baggies, THC, disposable vapes,

and approximately 35 grams of pre-rolled joints. Did he take that from his grandpa? Yeah, he didn't say where he got that stuff. He started to cry. Yeah, and he was the guy leading the charge. That is awesome. I've killed people. I hope the teenagers got to see him cry.

I hope so, too. They saw him cry. Look at you over there, being all cute with your tears. We don't need the press charges. We got what we want. The in-flight entertainment on a Friday night flight took a rather intimate turn at 30,000 feet, thanks to some unexpected herbulence. Law enforcement swarmed an American Airlines flight the moment it touched.

down at Miami International late Friday night. Herbulence. Herbulance, yeah. Responding to a report of a female passenger stripping naked mid-flight and getting hands-on while entering the cockpit, you could say. American Airlines Flight 1779 had barely climbed out of Baltimore, Washington International just after 9 p.m. when the lead flight attendant radioed a problem. The woman in seat 9D had taken off all her clothes and engaged in indecent acts, ringing the devil's

doorbell in view of other passengers. Wow. The flight pressed on to Miami where officers were waiting at the gate to take the mistress bait and passenger into custody. It remains unclear what specific measures cabin crew took during that flight to manage the disturbance, but she was placed under arrest. Nobody wanted to see that. Can you tell me the definition of herbulence? Herbulence? Oh, H-E-R. Herbulence. I was stuck on the B. I thought it was a B-T-A. I thought it would be weed related. No. Herbulance.

Gotcha. A young Florida man's Monday morning went sideways. We're stupid. Yeah, yeah, we are. It's probably my fault. I thought I separated enough, but maybe I didn't. I thought maybe a guy named Herb. A guy named Herb.

Maybe some dope. Yeah, I'm going to make a note. Don't use that one again. Did your bros ever call dope herb, Josh? No. Oh, yeah. It happens. It happens.

Yeah, just write down Nick and Ashley to stupid to get joke. Don't do that one next time. A young Florida man's Monday. Probably abbreviate that, but yeah, something like that. Maybe just Nick and Josh stupid. Nick and Ashley's stupid. Right. A young Florida man's Monday morning went sideways in a hurry after he wrecked his pickup on the highway. But he smelled great while doing it. The 22-car? Nope. Nope. The 22-year-old was driving a GMC Sierra about 7 a.m. when he remembered an important part of his morning routine.

deodorant. So he decided to multitask and started applying it while driving. Yeah, done that plenty of times. Yeah, I got car deodorant. You guys have car deodorant? Oh, I have to. I have car deodorant, backpack deodorant.

There's obviously bathroom deodorant. Only for special occasions, Josh. When we go to Toys for Tattas or when we do our state fair gimmick like we just got done doing, I'll throw a little pit stick in the motor vehicle so I can freshen up beforehand. Yes.

I just have it. in the bathroom. That's about it. Oh, well, you know, I have a problem. I've never carried it with me. Well, you should. We don't want to say anything. I don't want to. I don't want to. But applying deodorant and navigating a curve at the same time

turned out to be a combination that does not degree. And what happened next stinks. Unable to handle steering and swiping simultaneously, he lost control of the truck and plowed straight into a concrete median. What an idiot. Luckily, a crash cushion took the brunt of the impact, likely saving him from serious injury. For anyone wondering what exactly a crash cushion is, if you haven't heard the term. No.

It's a protective device, sometimes called an impact attenuator, installed in front of fixed roadside hazards to soak up a vehicle's kinetic energy and slow or redirected safely. They're typically painted yellow and black stripes, like a highwayside tribute to the Christian metal band striper. I'm sure you've probably seen them before. Yeah, I've seen those. I didn't know that they were capable of all that. That's awesome. Speaking of Striper, I saw the video for free last night. Oh, awesome.

Yeah, free to be who you want to. Choose your own destiny, free to be who you want to. Boy, does that remind me of middle school? I hear you. Constantly listening to Tell With the Devil. When the dust settled, the truck was left in a precarious balancing act. Both driver-side wheels perched atop the concrete barrier, passenger-side wheels still down on the ground.

No injuries were reported, though the wreck did back up. up morning traffic while first responders swept the scene to clear the debris. FHP later clarified, troopers located the deodorant in question still on the scene, they said. I like a good, silly car accident story like that. We worked with a guy who sneezed and crashed into the center median. That's exactly what I'm talking about. That's a good one. Exactly what I'm talking about.

You know, I know a guy who wiped Copenhagen into his own eye. almost got into an accident. He packed a big copi, fires it into his yapper, and then 10 seconds later, he scratched his eye with the copen. I bet that stung. With his copi finger.

And he's just, I can't see. There was another pal of mine who threw an apple cord out the window and it came right back and hit him in the face. And he lost control of the car that his parents had just given him

for high school graduation. And he went into the ditch. It was a cutlass, Josh. Oh, fancy. Yeah, he crashed his cutlass because an apple... He's like driving a couch. Through an apple core into his own face.

He wraps under the masked alias Frankie Pulitzer, also known as face puller, Tom Hardy, Eddie Brock and Venom, Mad Max, and Fury Road, and Bain and the Dark Night Rises is 49 today. And he's also a rapper? He's a rapper. I think it was just last week he released an album, or relatively recently.

I've noticed that about the rapping community. They all have more than one moniker. Right? You mentioned all these different nicknames he has. Yeah, he's got, so he goes by Frankie Pulitzer or Face Puller. Right, that's what I'm talking about. Yeah. What was his name there, the little blonde kid from Detroit? Eminem? Yeah, he was also...

Marshall Mather, Slim Shady. Right, that's exactly where I'm going with all this. Sounds like a lot of work. Did it come up with all that? Yeah. Yeah. It's like too tough to pick just one. They just in the drawing room.

They came up with a bunch, and I'll use both of those. Is Childish Gambino also an act? What's his name again? Yeah, Donald Glover. I was going to bring him out. I absolutely love him. He's wonderful. Yeah, I like that guy too.

I've never heard him rap, but I like him as an actor. It's pretty good. My esteemed colleague, Isotoner Glove's spokesperson, and in some manner associated with football, I believe. Dan Marino, 65 today. Is it Dan Marino's birthday? 65. He can finally retire. I got thrown out of a bar honoring Dan Marino.

I got thrown right out onto the street. It was his final game as a Miami Dolphin, right? His final game in the NFL. Matter of fact, I think they handed a microphone at halftime so he can say goodbye to the fans. I mean, what a legendary career he had, right, Josh? Of course. And we were drunk off our ass at this roadhouse trying to watch Dan Marino's final game and suddenly click.

They turned off the football game because it was Karoki night. And all of the televisions were dedicated to the lyrics for Karoki. And we all flipped out at our table. We flipped out so badly and said, You can't put, it's Dan Marino. You can't put one television. No, it's Karoki Night. And I flipped out and they threw me out of the bar.

So I stood up for Dan Marino, your esteemed colleague, and I almost went to jail for him that evening. I'm shocked that they would turn that off. They were idiots. They were idiots. They just kind of zoned down. Oh, no, they had plenty of time to think about it. We gave them plenty of time to think about it.

And they just simply refuse. They said, Karoki Night is Karoki Night. We don't care about Dan Marino. Wow. Yeah, that is pretty surprising. Who else? Oh, Tommy Lee Jones turns. 80 today. We got a new number for the Luther Kia of Bloomington tax line. I want to make sure you're

aware before they dumped the old one. 6-5-1-551-933-951-93. We have been given some good information. It worked out your Jesus or Jesus names due transfer. So send it if you'd like, but you don't need to if we have it registered, so you're good to go there. And that's 93X News. 5, 5,1, 93. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show. Tired of the same old boring athlete commercials? Sick of these media-trained robots pretending to be basketball players.

Tune in the Middle Minnesota. This sketch comedy show hosted by Anthony Edwards. We might be playing characters, but we ain't playing games. We bring the raw and our filter truth. Tune in. Turn it up. It's Middle Minnesota. Believe that.

All right, here's the ass man now, Randy Schaber. How are you feeling today? old bastard. I'm doing just fine. That's good. That's good to hear. Why name call? No, no, that's like a bonding thing.

It's like a term of endangerment. Yeah, you dumb bastard. Every morning I walk into the building, I call Josh some kind of derogatory name. Yeah, yesterday he told me to F off. Yeah. At the second he walked in. As soon as I walked in, I said, go F yourself. I got no interest in.

I knew that meant love. See, Willie Miles just walked into the building. I know how he's doing. He entered the room singing a song. Sure it was. What's the song? See, William Miles walked into the room. He's singing this.

Living the best life. He was singing a song about living the best life. I'm living my best life. Ain't going back and forth with you. Who's that? I wish I would have missed. I'm sorry I missed that. Who is that?

Who sings that? I'm living my best life. You're a happy guy, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. I went for my shave or know how it is after you've been. diagnosed with something and you go into you see your doctor for your final appointment and say you're all clear yeah that was me yesterday tell us your whole right my neurologist yesterday and tell folks the whole story again in case they don't know it oh well uh back in april i was uh um i went to see my eye doctor

because i have lost all peripheral vision and i was having night sweats and hot flashes and dizziness and I found out I had a tumor sitting on top of my pressing my pituitary gland. And it was, I can't pronounce, it's an adenoma. All right. And no one here going to question that. And so I had a what? I don't know. That's what I called it.

Big old tumor press it on here. It was a tumor the size of a golf ball. and it had a size of a jawbreaker right beside it. They called it a snowman. And they found that sitting up in my head. And so they had to take that out. And they pulled it out through my nose. Right.

Yeah. I was just talking to a buddy about that last night, your experience. It's amazing. It was crazy. And so I had an E.N.T. and a neurosurgeon up my nose of each nostril. One of a shining a light videotaping, apparently. They yanked it out of their way.

it out, man. When was that? A couple months ago? June, yeah. And then, so I had about, I don't know, five weeks of recovery, you know, I had a lot of packing up in my nose because when, you know, and it was a lot of swelling in the inside. I looked okay

on the outside, but I was an absolute mess on the inside. Right. So at the end of the day you go through all your rehab and so forth and sleeping in a recliner for a week's on the end and not being able to blow your nose with you. You can only imagine what that's like when they said the first time. They said, you can blow your nose now.

Did you know Nick doesn't know how to blow his nose? I was not aware of that. Yeah, he can't do it. I can, but it'll end up all over the room. Yeah, I've taught him a couple times, but he has trouble with it. I don't know how to properly blow my nose. That is a true story. So you went in and saw somebody yesterday and they gave you.

Yesterday I went in for my final checkup with the neurologist. So I haven't seen him since the surgery. And so it's three months past. and then you go see him, and then he did an MRI, showed me where they removed it, and that it was all gone, and after they did the bobsy, he found out it was benign.

Happy to hear that. Yeah, yeah. So after that, he said, I see you in a year. That's great. And then he said, if it hasn't grown back, he goes and we'll move it out a couple years. You are living your best life. Yeah, man, that was good news yesterday.

I can't imagine the relief. No wonder you're singing that happy song. Oh, man. You just don't know until you're told. I've been seeing a psychiatrist every week. I'm still waiting for him to give me the all-clear. He said that's a long shot. And so are we.

It's a long shot. Well, on the topic, Randy, we got a text from the Baldwin Fire Department who wanted to thank you for the donation of new hoods. I know at your gala before you've talked about these, that you guys, part of the money that you raised goes to these for firefighters. Right. We gave away 20 boxes of hoods to 26 fire departments yesterday. Hoods?

Yeah, they are protective hoods that they wear when they go in to fight fires. And they are about $150 a piece. But they are what will help firefighters not get cancer once they go fight these fires. Because homes these days are mostly all plans. Right. A lot of plastic. Okay. Yeah. And so there's a lot of inhalants. Yes. Involved in their jobs. And I don't know if you guys know this, but Minnesota is the second largest state in the country for volunteer firefighters. We have the second most in the country.

Sure. So, you know, second largest, and I think my friend Tim Traynor told me yesterday, 43rd in funding, the money's just not there. And so our charity took it upon itself to help do this. We've been doing it for like the last five years. It keeps the boys and girls from inhaling certain terrible things. It keeps it from going through their skin, to the exposed part of their skin. Oh.

So it's not so much about like lung cancer as it can be... No. Everything else. Okay. Well, that's really interesting. Yeah. So we handed out boxes of hoods yesterday and very, very proud to do that. Yeah, you're getting texts from firefighters appreciating it.

Well, that's awful nice. Awful nice. Here I thought you and your wife just, use that money to go to Vegas. That's what we all thought. Well, we're still going to Vegas. We had some love, though. Thanks to some very nice donations.

We took back a box of those, and now we're going to go back. That's wonderful. Both of you, wonderful stories. Hey, as you heard there in our intro, you might have recognized the voice of Anthony Edwards there. Now, here's the deal. Anthony Edwards, along with new Timberwolves' teammate Lamello's Ball, of course they formed the dynamic duo referred to around here as the Bang Brothers.

Damn, those guys are cool. But this has nothing to do with that. Edwards has upped and launched a new sketch comedy show. They call the program Min Atlanta Soda. I like the name, Min Atlanta Soda. And it's going to be an. episodic series. It says here it debuted already, but I don't know if that's correct. It says here it debuted Saturday. Three days ago. And I don't know exactly where you can find it. You know, I'm not

the guy for that. But new episodes every month, it's a comedic sketch comedy show. And there'll be other athletes and celebrity guests and this and that. So I don't have a lot of details on this, but I did see that trailer that Josh played to do the audio from the trailer, and it does look like a lot of fun. So I guess if you have some time, maybe check out Minat, Lannasota and see what A1 from Day 1

and his pals are up to. I hope him and his buddies do another award show like they did last year. You remember that at all? Just vaguely. He gave out, like, the Sports Writer of the Year, the White Boy of the Year award, went to Timothy Shamillet. Oh, that's right. The Timothy Shamillet thing. Yeah, that was all very fun.

But this wasn't an official show. He was just sitting in his apartment. Yeah, it was just kind of like did a live stream type of thing. Okay, I do have slight memories of that. I mean, the guy's got a sense of humor. Yeah, he does. And I'm going to check it out. I'm going to check it out.

Maybe it'll be awful, but I'll give it a shot. I love A1 from By Damn Day 1. Min Atlanta Soda, again, is the name of the... Let's see here. The catchphrase isn't terribly original, but I'll go along with it. I've run into a couple of... catchphrases to draw you in. Tell your mama, Minatlana Soda is coming soon. Okay, that's one. And then the other would be

Balee dat. There's some room for improvement there. They're saving the good stuff for the show. Randy Shaver and C. Willie Miles have known a lot of athletes in their lifetime. Who would you say is the funniest athlete to both of you know? Oh, funniest athlete you ever got to in an email. could have even been just a one-time encounter where you couldn't be the funniest athlete well i can tell you without a doubt if you could understand a word he was saying is is and i talk to him all the time

ricky young is one of the funniest guys that you know he shiver if you ever had a conversation former viking running back if you can understand you can understand what he said because he laughed the whole time he's talking yes yes you you get like every third or fourth word you you You just, I just love him because he's from my hometown. And I always tell people, he always tell people who's from Mobile, but he really is, we're from the projects, but his projects were in Happy Hill. And I always tell people that. The joint was actually called Happy Hill.

Yeah, because it used to be in the sane asylum, and then they tore it down. Oh. But never dug up the bodies to just build the projects on top. That's creepy. That's why they called it Happy Hill. Ricky Young. Randy Shaver, can you think? I would say Bob Lertzima

Oh yeah That'd be my Would be up there Of course You know Bob Back back in the day Was super funny Absolutely

Absolutely Yeah he comes to mind right away Ricky Young does too Ricky does Ricky is hilarious Ricky is very funny You know now that I'm thinking about it Over the years

Ed McDaniel Sure Years and years ago Me and one of my Being one of my ex-radio partners formed a little bit of a friendship with Ed McDaniel. He was very quick, very clever. Kent Herbeck has a great sense of humor. Yep.

And then again, I'm also picturing old hockey guys like Tom Reed is a very, very funny guy. Glenn Sondmore was a very funny guy. If you follow some of those podcasts and you listen to Kevin Garnett tells stories. KG pretty good? KG is absolutely hilarious when he, talks about how he loves to talk trash and who you talk trash to in the NBA. And he tells the story about Tim Duncan. He said, people don't think Duncan is a trash talker.

He said, but he'd do it very quietly. Like he'll put that turnaround shot hit and then bump you on the way down and go, got you. Yeah. You're subtle stuff. Real subtle, real quiet. Blake Griffin's very funny. Oh, I never met the guy. I mean, I guess.

Yeah, if we were talking people we've met, I guess we've met him either. I would say Kirby Puckett. Kirby had a great sense of humor, yeah. Yes, personality-wise, very funny. If it's people we've met, Matt Burke is very funny. Yeah, very dry sense of humor. Burke is quick. I mean, he's even done stand-up comedy shows.

He's quick. Both Parisi brothers have a good sense of humor. Oh, yeah, just in different ways, for sure. Zach and Raymond, what the hell of them? Jordan. Raymond. Raven. That sucks.

How did I not, how did I forget, I love Jordan? Don't, don't tell him that I thought his name was Raymond. I think he heard. All right, so there you go. There's some guys out there who we've had a lot of fun with over the year. All right, let me throw something at you here. Hi-R-R-R-X. Anyone ever heard of a sport and event called High Rocks?

H-Y-R-R-X. No. No. Fair enough. I read an article yesterday about high rocks, and it says here it's one of the fastest growing events in all of sports. The competitions sell out within minutes all across the world, and there are over 1.5 participants involved in high rocks just this past year. So it sounds like this could be the new pickle ball. It's exploding in popularity. Maybe at one point or another, it'll come to time. It sounds miserable, absolutely miserable. It's one of these Ironman type competitions. You got to be strong, you've got to be, you got to have a hell of a lot of endurance.

Like just a rough idea. Here's what is involved in high rocks. You run a mile and there are eight different fitness stations you have to stop at and perform a certain activity. So you run a mile and then, you do a 50 meter sled push. You run another mile and then a sled pull. You run another mile and then some burpee broad jumps.

Something called the farmer carry. You have to carry a human being. What else? Sandbag lunges. You got to handle those big cement balls. Have you seen what the, what do they call that activity, Josh? The strong man competitions. In this competition, they call them wall balls.

Wall balls. Balls to the wall. What band? What band? It's except. Oh, I was going to say give out our new number. Except. What's that?

Give out our new numbers. Oh, I forgot. I forgot. I should have done that gimmick. Okay. So this high rocks is this foot race, but you have to stop every mile and do these horrible, horrible things. In Beijing, they recently cut loose with one of these high rocks. competitions. In the women's

division, an Australian lady named Joanna won. It took her an hour and something to complete all these miserable, miserable tasks. So, this Australian woman named Joanna,

she won the competition. The company, or Hirox, the sport or the company, whatever. High Rocks issued an apology after the event was over. And the reason they apologized is because this woman who won the whole smear, Joanna, she just violently pooped herself during the race.

And she finished. She did. Oh, no. It was a blowout. Oh, I've read this story. A horrible, horrible, just gallons of diarrhea. It went everywhere. Oh, my God.

And it turned the entire track, the entire event, into a biological hazard. Mm-hmm. They had to throw away the whole gym. Burn it down. So you want me to go watch something like that? Well, no, no. The diary doesn't happen all the time, Randy Shaper. Yeah, you don't know that, though.

From what I read, it's a rarity. But, you know, you're on your own. You're right. You're on your own. Now, why High Rocks, again, whether that's the name of the sport or the company who sponsors it, I don't know. Hi Rocks apologize for this reason. A lot of their fans are pissed. A lot of their fans say, now, wait a minute.

In past Hirox events, they have disqualified competitors for spitting and for blowing snot rockets on the course, on the track, whatever. So folks are saying, hang on a second, this gal sprayed diarrhea all over the place. Why wasn't she disqualified like folks have been for spitting or for blowing snot rockets? Mm-hmm. So high rocks competitors, competitors and fans are upset. Yeah. So maybe the decision was that you control the snot rockets, you control the spitting, but maybe you can't control the diarrhea.

Yeah, but you need to step away. Sure. Walk off the track. Right. I don't continue this radio show, Randy, if I got the bubble. And we thank you for that. I'm going to immediately excuse myself, go to the bathroom, and if I can't get it worked out, I'm just going to text and say, hey.

I actually live to fight another day. I actually think C. Willie, it would be much more entertaining radio if you just lock the door and stay in there. Just sitting on the tall trash can, like Melissa McCarthy and bridesmaids in the sink. We're finishing its show! I got the job to do. No, what's leaving until we finish the show? Matt up.

I've come pretty close, isn't a word. I've come pretty close to asking Josh for a bucket or a hat while we were live on it. There have been times. It was always around the same time. Actually, right when Shaver came on. It's usually right around. Truthfully, that's kind of where it would hit him. It has nothing to do with you, Randy Shaver.

This used to be way more often. Now it's about once a month. For whatever reason, at 7.30, my... My stomach decides to turn completely inside out. And I say to Josh, oh, God, here it comes. I used to have to run out of here. Things have changed. So anyway, back to this high rock story.

So folks are saying, if this was any other regular competitor who had splashed watery stool all over themselves and the track, and some of it, you know, folks had to jog through it. Right. They said she would have been thrown out. but since she was the division winner, she caught a break. They're calling preferential treatment. And there are others like C. Willie Miles was just saying.

Others who are saying, it wasn't right for this woman to finish the race. She should have removed herself from the competition instead of leaving this trail of diarrhea at every station. It was just horrific. It says here they tried to clean it up. They had poor bastards, you know, the new guy. The new guys got a mop bucket. They tried like hell, but there was so much wet, cold feces all over the... It was running all down her leg shaver.

Yeah. Those were the pictures I saw. Right. That's what I saw, and I couldn't believe it, so I wound up reading a story, and then I regretted it afterwards. Oh, man. So people on the Internet are saying this was a selfish move by this lady. How could you make the other competitors run through your feces? I mean, it was smeared on the equipment.

It was smeared on the... Oh, okay. All right. Okay, we get it. Another individual said, no, no, no, we get it. Another individual said, hey, that's not grit. That's not toughness. Okay, yes. No, it isn't.

That's a hygiene and a safety failure. Yes, correct. The gal, Joanna, the winner with all the diarrhea flying out the ass end, she got on social media and said, you know, go hard or go home, you know, that kind of, that is not what that means. That's different if she went hard. Right. Because then they can clean it up in one spot.

Yeah, you went soft. You didn't go home. Too soft. She said, hey, a win is a win. Oh, man. No, it isn't. But she got so much backlash, and don't get cute with that. I said lash.

Not back splash. No. She removed her post after a while because everyone said, hey, look, this is nothing to brag about. She should have taken the advice that a New York City bartender once gave when we were hanging out of this dive bar, and somebody just had some awful gas, and everybody in the bar noticed it. And the bartender finally just stood up on a stool and said, hey, if you crapped your pants, it's time to go home.

That's good advice. Yeah, it seems like most people know that. I guess some folks need a reminder. I'm sorry, Nick, I was answering a phone call. Can you give the description again of what she left behind? I think I missed some details. Oh, Lord have mercy. Corn.

Oats. There's your introduction to high rocks. Coconuts. People are saying that they do these types of things at gyms. They just don't call it high rocks. They're very similar. And my wife Texan said they do that at her work too. Well, kind of reminds me of those tough mutters that people used to be into about 15 years ago.

Those are still going on. They are they still? Merfs, I think they might be called those. I just don't hear. about them as often as they used to, they were so trendy there for a minute. My brother was involved in those tough guy competitions. I can't exactly remember what they were called, like the title. But there was no running involved, but it was you had to pick up a 780 pound concrete ball

and put it up on a shelf. And then you had to, I don't know, wrestle the neighborhood drunk and then you, just to get hold. I know my brother's awake. What else did you do? If you're listening, what else did you guys do? I remember watching up, they picked up the heavy balls. There were other things they had to pick up and throw.

They had to throw a couch or something. It was impressive. Yeah, I wouldn't do anything like that. It looked terrible, and he would come away from it. No skin on the fish bellies. And what I mean by fish bellies are the really white undersides of your forearm. Yeah. Sometimes when I go outside, Josh, in the summer,

I'll turn my forearms over and I'll say, time to get the fish bellies. I have seen you do that. Because they're so white on the underside of your fore. He would come away with no skin on the underside of his forearms. No skin on his thighs because that's where you brace that cement ball. It just, what are you doing? Atlas Stones. That's what they're called?

Thank you, Minneapolis, Dan, Jesus. But what do they call the competition? The tough guy, the hard-on competition? I can't think of Iron Man. I don't know what it is. Yeah, the ones I've heard of are the Murph and the Tough. mutter. Now speaking of rare athletic events that maybe you've never heard of before, like Hirox, we got this message from a friend of the program, had him on the air just a couple three weeks ago.

Local living legend, wrestling referee, Rob Page, otherwise known as Screech. Rob Page has given us a heads up on this. There is a Russian version of the Power Slap League where Foxy ladies put on thong underwear and spank each other's asses as hard as possible. Oh, no. I don't know about the rest of you, but I spent somewhere between 30 and 45 minutes. Yeah, I watched 13 minutes and 16 seconds of it. I went about 44 minutes reviewing this show material yesterday afternoon. Yeah, he texts me a link to it and he goes, this might be of interest of the show.

And I clicked on and I go, oh, that will be of interest. So that's being televised on the internet, if you want to check that out. Russian ass slap, and it's all foxy mamas with their little thong underwares. They're powdering up and everything. And their bottoms just look like a drunk's nose after a while. You know what I mean? You ever seen the old drunk when it gets kind of red and vainy? Oh, yeah.

You know, that's nothing new to me. We used to play. That was a game in our friend group for a while, ass slap, whenever someone would have a party would play a round of ass slap or you just sneak up behind someone and slap them on the ass as hard as you possibly can and it was all fun in games until big al made a gal cry big al crack that'll ruin it oh cracked her on her left ass cheek so hard she couldn't help but she started to cry and we called the time out yeah we never we never played games like that where i came from this is usually when someone sends in a text see willie miles it simply says

y'all need Jesus. Exactly. I do like those texts. All right, I didn't follow this last night, but they tell me that on Monday night football, the Kansas City Chiefs quite easily handled the Denver Broncos. They did. This is gross.

Chief's tight end, Travis Kelsey, caught a football or two last night. He passed Jason Whitten to move into second all time in receiving yards for a tight end. Yep. Gross. Well, he's not going to Tony Gonzalez is the number one of all time.

He's not going to what? He's not going to catch Tony Gonzalez. He's like 2,000 yards behind him. A couple other NFL players climbed the all-time ladder in week one. We didn't get to it yesterday, but Baltimore Ravens running back Derek Henry. He rushed for 144 yards and scored three touchdowns.

Monster. Against the Indianapolis Colts. His second touchdown moved him past Marcus Allen for third place on the NFL's career rushing touchdown list. Only who stands in his way, who are the top two running backs ever for rushing touchdowns. Baboo do do, boop, boop, boop, rip-de-dip. Amosmith. Emmett Smith is number one.

651, 551. Oh, it's got to be Tomlinson. It's Ladanyan Tomlinson. All right. 6,5, 1, 5,000. 5-5-1-93-93. We have a new text telephone number we're trying to remind folks of. You guys are right.

Ledani and Tomlinson and Emmett Spliff are ahead of Derek Henry. And I agree with this statement. It says for a running back playing in an era dominated by fancy ass high-maintenance passing offenses and multiple backs sharing one backfield, what Derek Henry is doing is pretty special. And dual quarterback said, That can run.

Exactly. You know, I didn't have that back in the day. This one also turns my stomach, stupid Kurt Cousins. Oh, no. The starter for now over there working for the Las Vegas Raiders, he threw three touchdown passes in Sunday's game with Miami. He is now the 15th quarterback in NFL history to throw at least 300 regular season touchdown passes. What does he want in his career, Willie?

Money. Oh, he's won is money. That's right. He won money. So Captain Death Rocks with that stupid look on his face, he joins John Elway in the 300 touchdown club. Wow. Elway finished his career with 300, exactly 300 touchdown passes. Cousins now has 300 aught 1.

Man doesn't have a single trophy, but he's got money all over the world. Cash, you're not kidding. Got money and banks all over the world. I got one single trophy. Trophy case, empty. Empty. Bank? Shockful.

Got all his bank number. in his trophy case. And I hate the fact that I contributed to some of that bank account by making that stupid Cole's joke that got on the Netflix documentary and then he ends up with the Cole's endorsement. He sure did. You son of a bitch. And guess what I got?

Nothing. Nothing. Dick Ola. You made it to the documentary. I made it to the documentary. So we all more or less knew this already. It says here that Vikings or the Vikings are unsure of Kyle Amura can play against the Bears.

This Sunday he caught one of those concussions against Green Bay. fair enough. Carson Wentz will likely start and another record here to tell you about. Carson Wentz, old as the hills, that guy. Broken down. Hates his life.

They almost killed him last year. They did. No doubt. That man, I thought he was dead. They could have charged KFC with manslaughter. He doesn't want to be there. Carson Wentz doesn't want to be there any worse. Sunday,

It became the first backup quarterback to throw three touchdowns passes. I'll get there. I kind of morphed into Carson Wentz as the first backup quarterback to throw three touchdown passes and zero interceptions in a season opening win since Fran Tarkington on September 17th, 19 and 61. My God. Which just so happened to be the first game in Vikings history and the first game in Fran Tarkington. Harkinton's career. Who did Fran replace? Joe Cap, I would imagine.

I don't think so. Joe Cap didn't play for him as 61. Morrow? Oh, wait a minute. He didn't replace anybody. It was the first frigging game in franchise history. Right. Yeah, he was the starter, I think, as a rookie. Oh, I see what you're asking. I see what you're asking. Well, wait a minute. You're saying a backup. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have no idea who was slated to be the number one quarter- during the first game of

in Viking history. I have no idea. Did he? I guess I'm assuming that Fran won the job. I don't know. It's just information I had in front of me. That didn't dawn on me until you said it. That's weird. How could Fran have been the backup if there had never been a game played before in team history?

Yeah. You see what I'm saying? It says that George Shaw was the veteran, quarterback on the Vikings roster, but Fran Tarkington started as a rookie. Let's call the answer then George Shaw. Yeah. I didn't know until reading this. Never heard of George Shaw.

I've heard of George Shaw, but I did not. I didn't know this until I read it this morning. All-time great former running back and Cubby's fantasy football meal ticket for years. Marshall Fulk is now a college. football head coach. Yes. At Southern University, it's his first year working there. Baton Rouge, Louisiana, if I'm not mistaken.

Baton Rouge. Marshall Falk is in his first year coaching Southern University. This past Saturday, Falk and his Jaguars lost to number 22-ranked Houston, 77-6. That tracks. F-me-running. And Marshall, speaking of funny athletes, after the game, he said, this really wasn't a football game. It was more of a preseason crash test dummy type operation.

That's funny. They got a nice check from Houston. That's right. That's what you do. I mean, I've been under those situations before when you go down and play a big school like that. When I was at St. Claudeau State, we did that. And they played University of Northern Iowa. And they were at Division I school.

We got the crap beat out of us But we got a nice check Pretty bad Oh yeah You don't do it for the win You do it for the money So was the final score really embarrassing Oh yeah

It was like 56 to 3 or 56 to 6 or something like that Yeah It's the freshman year Yeah Uh Had never lost before I didn't understand What's going on

Wait you can lose Wait a minute Wait a minute Nobody told me that. I don't like this game anymore. Did we have an offense out there? I felt like I was a defense to hold. And I'm not trying to kick a man when he's down,

see Willie Miles, but it's not like you guys were playing Notre Dame for Christmas. At that point, we were. We were like a small, like that's what we weren't even in. We weren't even in the conference that they were in later on, which is a North Central conference, which was where Wince came. from. You know, we were in, uh, you know, we were in a lure. I'm just saying next time you tell

the story changed northern Iowa to Auburn. Save a little. Buddy, that number would have been triple digits. Triple digits, man. We wouldn't have got that three points or six or whatever. I'm down there. We were at the three yard line and we, I'm like, why are we kicking a field goal? You got to the three yard line and kicked a field goal? Right. I'm like, I'd rather go 56 and oh. Yeah, you're down 56 to nothing. You might as well. Let's try to get a touchdown. Let's run the bummerooski or something.

Let's run a flea flicker. We don't want to get skunked. Buddy, whatever we score at this point, we're still getting skunked. Yeah, might as well go for it. All right, how about this article from Bleacher Report? They're talking about the most memorable injury comebacks in recent sports history. And the athlete they used for inspiration for the article is, Kansas City Chiefs quarterback Patrick Mahomes.

Last December, he tore his ACL and his LCL, and a lot of us will admit that we really enjoyed that. But he tore his ACL and his LCL and ended his season. Nine months later, now Mahomes played in the season opener last night for the Kansas City Chiefs. So they used his story for inspiration. They examined some of the most memorable injury returns from the past 25 years. Kind of a tough one to put together in your head. I'll give you the examples that they used in the article. Adrian Peterson.

Sure. Dynamite. Came back. I had a great year after that. I had forgotten all about this, but I haven't thought about that wacko in a long time. The last time I got arrested. 20 and 12, Adrian Peterson returned from a torn ACL and MCL. Less than nine months after the surgery, he's up and running again.

He went on for a career best 2,97 yards from scrimmage. started all 16 games. He was the NFL MVP. To this day, he remains the last non-quarterback to be named NFL MVP. And that is a hell of an accomplishment. Yep. Alex Smith, former NFL quarterback.

That's the one that stands out to me. Former NFL quarterback Alex Smith returned from the sunbush damn near died. Yes. Had a life-threatening leg injury. This was 20 and 18. Almost had the leg come completely off. A spiral fracture of his right tibia and fibula.

That was bad enough, but it was the complications that nearly killed him. Right. Following his initial surgery, he developed a, oh God, a life-threatening flesh-eating bacterial infection. Doctors suddenly had to switch their focus from saving his leg to saving his damn. life. Tissue removal, reconstruction, this, that 17 total surgeries. 20 and 20, so two years later, he was right, well, I shouldn't say right back on the field, but he made the return to playing quarterback. Man, credit to him, I think I'd just hang it up at that point.

Oh, for sure. Bet a lot of people. For sure. Makes a lot of folks in town here think of Teddy Bridgewater as well. Definitely. Sure. Wasn't nearly as horrific as Alex Smith, but it was pretty bad. Yes.

How about this in 2003, a surfer, a 13-year-old rising surfing star by the name of Bethany Hamilton. She was attacked by a tiger shark during a surfing competition, and the shark ate her left arm for her. She was back in the water within weeks. she adapted her paddling and pop-up techniques, used a custom board in order to return to competition. Ten weeks after a shark, she got to watch a shark, swallow her arm. Oh, my God. Never got it back.

Never got it back. Ten weeks later. Never got it back. Not yet. Ten weeks later, she took fifth place in a competition. Roughly a year and a half later, she's right back to landing blue ribbons, first place after. That's just incredible. Yeah, I don't want nothing that bad.

I don't want to compete anywhere where sharks have a chance to eat your arm. No, I don't get it. I don't get that. I don't get the ocean. I have zero interest in the ocean. Zero. None. By the way, there was a movie made about this gal. In 20 and 11 called Soul Surfer, if you want to hear and see the whole. Wow. A couple guys have more or less

drop dead of heart attacks on the ball field. We know about DeMar Handling. Yeah. Yes. We know now, at least I read yesterday about a soccer player named Christian Erickson. A feller from Denmark had himself a heart attack on the field.

They gave him one of those pacemakers and he was back relatively quickly. He did have another incident on the field where the pacemaker went a little haywire. But the doctor just had to kind of finger bang the Bluetooth and kind of get it back. Jesus, what are you doing out there? I don't.

At some point, man, you just, I'm one of those people like, I see signs. You know what I mean? Like, I don't climb, I don't have ladder. And my wife will confirm that I don't climb ladders. I got like a step stool. And I don't know how many stories you need to hear about people falling off of six foot, 14 foot 11 foot ladders and becoming like paralyzed or seriously injured broken hips and legs i don't do that no more i hear you nothing i don't i don't yeah i don't understand your limits

recognize the signs know your right right know your roll shut your mouth that's right no your roll shut your mouth right look i'm a house i'm a house brother like i cook i will do laundry. Don't ask me to do nothing outside. I just don't. I'm not an outside brother. I'm inside brother. We're talking about an article from Bleacher Report where they're honoring athletes who had the most memorable injury comebacks in recent sports history. So I think they're just dealing with the last 20 years or so. They mentioned Buster Posey. Won an MVP and a batting title after he suffered a horrible, horrible, horrible. broken leg during a home plate collision.

He came back very quickly. They mentioned Kobe Bryant. Three major leg surgeries came back over and over and over again. And they say, you know, he capped off his career with one of the best performances of all time. I think I remember this correctly. His last NBA game was when he dumped 60 points on the Utah Jazz. Right. And then he died sometime shortly after that.

I mean, again, this is. recent history. But there are other characters who come to mind. I mean, do we have to tell the Clint Milarchuk story again for Christ's sake? Oh, God, yeah. His head almost came off on the ice and he came back to play goaltender.

Anyone else? I mean, let's go as far back as you want. I'm trying to think who else there might be. Certainly, plenty of drag racers and NASCAR racers have turned themselves inside out and broke every bone of their body and they get right back behind the friggin' wheel. Well, how about Ronnie?

lot just have him take his finger off and go right back out in the game. Ronnie Lott. Jesus. He was built different. Like, buddy. I remember. Just rip it off. Jack Youngblood played in the Super Bowl in 1980 with a compound fracture of his right leg.

Insane. They taped it. Tape is what they used on a compound fracture of his leg. He said, I'm playing in the Super Bowl. I don't care if my bone is sticking through the. That's just. insane. Might there have been some illegal drugs involved? 100%. It's got to be.

Yeah. I don't think you go out there without a... You're not that tough. Someone said, does Plastic O'Burris make the list of coming back from? Kind of self-inflicted. Yeah, that's self-inflicted. That don't count. No. You will not find two bigger Plastic O'Burris fans anywhere. Bigger than Cubby and I. We love that guy. Yeah, what about Lou Ford? He burned himself ironing his shirt. Yeah, we know.

Jesus Christ. Twins had a close ball game last night going against the New York Yankees, and then the eighth inning turned into a gang bang. The Yankees scored six runs in the eighth. They lose by a final final at eight to three. The Yankees have now clinched a spot in the American League playoff. The ninth time they've made the playoff in the last 10 seasons. They're just the worst.

Yeah. Twins have lost eight of 11, and they are fading from the playoff race. Goodbye. Oh, dear. I think they actually started fading right after the trade deadline. Oh, yeah, they've been fading for a while. Yeah, it's too bad. I mean, they made the commitment to be a buyer,

and there was a lot of optimism, and it just didn't work. It hasn't played itself out the way we were hoping for. If the twins were Eric Cartman, they would say to the playoffs, they would say, good, bad, as they faded out of sight. The two clubs will try to play. a second game of this series tonight over there at Target Field. The Dodgers also clinched a playoff spot last night, so the misery continues. I just saw a headline that the twins are on pace to have their lowest attended season since 2000.

The lowest attended season since COVID. Well, yeah, not counting COVID, of course, but. That would be something. They broke that record. I thought really they were doing a touch better this year, but. All right, that happens. People are texting in about different athletes who have pretty much stared into the face of death and returned. A lot of heart-related type things.

There have been a few NHL players. What in the hell was that? I don't know what just happened. Ashley's computer went. So they just started yelling at me. There have been a few NHL players who have had terrible heart-related issues on the ice. It just scares the hell out of me to even talk about that stuff. Yep.

I mean, Chris Pronger took a slap shot to the heart, and it stopped. Oh. And they fired him back up on the bench. That's the one. I mean, oh, my God. Slapshot hit him in the chest. Same thing as the Damar Handling thing, where it was like a freaky deal where when your chest takes a certain level of impact at just the wrong time,

it can stop your heart. That's what happened to Chris Pronger. Slapshot to the chest. Flatline. They brought them back, you know, a little gatorade, little smelling salt, spread a little dirt on it, and he's out there. You got two minutes and you're going back out. He's quarterbacking the power play against the Buffalo Sabres. Wait, wasn't I dead about four to five minutes ago? Yeah, body was still warm.

Remember that story about Chris Pronger where he agreed to be traded to the Anaheim Ducks because he was drunk? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We told that a while back. Where was he playing? He's played for a few. Well, he played for a few clubs, but he played that one weird year in Anaheim. And he told the story.

He said, yeah, I was hammered off my ass on the telephone with my agent. He's like, I was just hammered. And his agent said, what do you think about playing for Anaheim? He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, fine, Anaheim, wherever that is. He goes to bed. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife says, what the hell have you done? He said, me, I didn't do nothing. She said, Anaheim.

He said, what about it? He had no memory of it at all. You signed a cut. I did? Oh, man. That's hockey players for you right there. All right. There you go, Randy Schaber. What do you got going on today?

You know, I'm interviewing Larry Fitzgerald Jr. This morning. Oh, that's awesome. They are, Josh, you probably know this. They're dedicating the football field at Holy Angels on Friday night. It's going to be called Fitzgerald Field. Wow. That's cool.

And Larry will be in town for the field dedication on Friday night. So I'm going to interview him this morning for my podcast for the Star Trip. Right now it's Al Bundy Field, correct? Yes. They're changing it over to Bundy Field. Well, that's a hell of an honor. Yeah, and I'm sure he's excited about that. I mean, he was one of the, I had to stop and think last night.

I can't think of another wide receiver other than maybe Michael Floyd that stands out in this state like Larry Fitzgerald was in high school. No. In the last 46 years that I've covered high school football. You mean just strictly as a high school player? As a high school wide receiver in Minnesota.

What about your guy? Paul Martin. I was just going to say there are three guys. Michael Floyd, Paul Martin, and Larry Fitzgerald Jr. Those are the three guys that stand out for me. Well, tell them we said hello and tell him that diarrhea footray story. It just thoughts on that. Lead with that, Randy.

I'm sure he knows all about it. You know, as if he's interesting doing hot rocks or high rocks. Hot rocks, yeah. Hot rocks is what caused it. We'll see you later, Randy. See you. All right, we'll be back with more. See Willie Miles.

We'll stick around and we'll continue in a few minutes on the Half-Ass Morning Show. HX half-assed morning show. Hey podcast friends. It's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of standard heating and air condition. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up.

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There is nothing quite like getting her done on a Tuesday morning. Just straight up getting her done. And that's what we're all about here on the 93X Halfass Morning Show. See Willie Miles is here. World Class entertainer. See Willie Miles.

All right. Putting in that Tuesday energy, man. We need that energy around here. We do. That Tuesday energy. That's a We year the energy, man. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like you're following up on Monday energy,

and you don't really kick it into that high octane until like Wednesday. There you go. That's when things get going. That's what things are just cooking, man. I hear you. We appreciate you swinging by. You got any good stories, see Willie Miles? You got any good stories about a time where you terribly embarrassed yourself in public?

I don't know. You fell down. You wet your pants. You brought the wrong woman home. you lit some fireworks in the middle of the street and then your electric wheelchair stalled and the fireworks went off right in your face. Do you have any stories of any time you...

I have the only one of the most embarrassing stories I think I have. I don't know if I've ever told this. My wife knows this story. And it was when... So when I was in the high school... So this girl named Mildred. I remember you talking about Mildred.

You remember that is the most embarrassing. That will live in infamy. I remember, oh, I know where you're going with this. Right. But first off, Mildred was this missile from your high school. Yeah. Yeah. Since elementary, like we were friends.

We just hung out together. She was good-looking. She was just a hot ticket. Yes. And then we get to high school. And ninth grade goes by, 10th grade goes by. And then all of a sudden we're in the 11th grade. And I'm thinking, you know.

what? It's time. It's time. It is time, see, Willie. Time to make Mildred mine. She's no, no, I got no girlfriend up into the end. She's got no boyfriend up into them. We're just, it's just her eye and Doreen, right? It's our friends. And we were like three company. And I go, yeah, three's company. I got a little job. I go down to the grooving man, pick up a brand new outfit. And I come to come. I'm sorry, you got your outfit from The grooving man? The grooving man, baby. Who is that?

It was a hood store. Grooven man. You go buy all the sole clothes, we called them. You know, the nights with the high collar and bell bottoms and the platform shoes, man. Like, you know, this 70s, baby. So I'm looking good. I come. I got my hair.

My sister braided my hair the night before so I can pick it out the next morning. I had that fro kind of fluffy. Sweet. Jesus. So I get in. I want to go on a date with me, too. And it's not like I didn't have opportunities for other girls. I didn't want them.

Right. So it was like at the break where we always met every day. And that's the day I was going to pop the question. I had my little, what's it, that spear from the, you know. Cupid's arrow. Like an arrow? You had the little, just what, the hang around your neck. Sure.

It's a little, the arrow, the point of the arrow. Gotcha. Oh, indicating that you were a male? Right. Okay. Anyway. That necklace, sure. And I'm leaning up on the radiator waiting for her to come.

Like, I'm sexy. I know I'm sexy. Like, everybody walking by, I know I'm sexy. That's why you paid the group. And she came up to me. And I was going to ask her that day at that moment. And she walks up to me. She goes, Willie, you know what I just heard?

I go, what? She goes, somebody said that we were a boyfriend and girlfriend. We're too good of friends a date, right? And I'm like, and I couldn't say, uh, no. Because listen. That was the opening. I was like, yeah. God, yeah.

And that broke my heart, man. I had that brand new outfit on. Yeah. And then I went home and I've never forget. I was all sad and my dad asked me what was going on. And I told him the whole story. And my dad looked at me and go, ah, she saw you coming. I can't believe you were friends on.

You don't seem like the type who's ever. ever been friend zone. Oh yeah. I got tons of like, that's where I, that's where I live. I'm always in the friend zone unless I'm dating you. If I'm not dating you, then we're friends. That's it. I think she liked you. She did because we discovered 10 years later. You missed your opportunity right there. She said, why didn't you ask me? I was like, why would you tell me that? I would assume that was a brick wall. Right, right away. That's what I saw. Yep. So there were, that was your opening and you missed your opening. Here's the thing. There was nothing awkward about. our relationship after that.

Nothing. We went right back to doing it. You remain friends. There was no other attempt to make Mildred your girlfriend. No. She snatched all that momentum right out from under.

You never got it back. And what happened was, and this is where she missed the boat, and she agreed. She wound up dating this guy who was a horrible person. Right? Yeah.

And that's kind of what happens when you miss the big ticket. You know, because I could have been, I could have been that ticket. I'm sorry to hear that. I love the Mildred story. And we talked about it at our 10, no, I missed it 10. It was a 20-year class reunion.

Yeah. And we had that discussion. And she said, oh, Willie, you should have just, I'm like, no, you shouldn't have said that. You shouldn't have said that. Because then I would have ruined a relationship had I asked you and you go, but we're too good a friend. Yeah. And I said, that would have broke my heart. It's tough when you're, you know, 16, 17 years old.

Right. You don't think on the fly as quickly as you do when you're an older guy. So when she said, isn't that. silly that you and I would be more than friends. Not a lot of guys would know what angle to take right there. So don't feel too bad about that. We were talking about embarrassing situations. There was an article.

Earlier we were talking about an article that tried its best, at least, to list some of the most embarrassing situations you could find yourself in while in public. Embarrassing yourself in public. What do we cover earlier? The top three here, not like top as in ranked, but just the first three that they listed are all car-related, getting pulled over, breaking down on the side of the road, running out of gas. And then we moved on to things like throwing up in public, getting arrested. Josh has this problem, fainting in public.

I don't faint. Falling down a flight of stairs, choking at a restaurant. This is what we've gone through already on the topic of the most embarrassing situations to be in while public. Any of those ring a bell? See, Willie? Have you been... Any of those happened to you? No. Okay. No.

We move on to setting off the theft alarm while leaving a store. Oh, I hate that. That happened to me not too long ago, and I just turned around. And I'm like, well, I'm like, you're good. Go. I was feeling guilty, even though I didn't do anything. You know, every time I hear that, if I'm in a store, my wife hates it, too. If an alarm goes off and I see somebody walking, I'd be like, run! Oh, my gosh.

I had a buddy. I had a buddy that would say, oh, somebody's stealing. I'm like, don't do that to them. What are you doing? I told you to put that back. What about setting your car alarm off accidentally? Oh, sure.

Have you had that happen? No. I haven't had that problem. No. Nor have I run into a problem setting off the alarm while leaving a store. Being pulled aside by airport security. Never happened.

Oh, yeah, I had to get half naked. That happened to my brother when he was traveling with me. And I told him, I said, you cannot. be saying stupid stuff when you want. My brother is, he's unhinged sometimes when he's talking. So he wasn't pulled aside randomly. He said something. Oh, he said something.

Oh, that's different. Oh, because he thinks he's funny. Yeah. You know. Do you make a bomb joke? Yes. He did. Yes.

Oh, that can get you some trouble. So they stripped him down and gave him. Yeah. I told him, I said, just give him the whole shebangabang. Just put the whole scope up his butt and everything. He earned it. Right. I left him standing there.

I said, dude, I'm not waiting on you. I told you cannot. Well, yeah, that's stupid. And he just think everything. It's like, he's not funny, man. Josh got pulled aside a couple times. Many times. I mean, I know I was there for one or two of them.

It's weird. I mean, you were randomly pulled aside. I haven't, I just happened when we, our last trip with the family. And I haven't really gone on many trips outside. Work, really, is the only time. Right. And then two trips now with the family.

You're just one of those people, I guess. You got a face. Yeah. I'm the random guy. Wait a minute. I'd get almost naked on our way to Jamaica, I think. This was shortly after September 11th. Isn't it weird how it was acceptable for you to get all the way down to your giant boxer shorts?

Right there in front of everybody at the airport. Are you saying that one of the trips you've made with your family, you've also been pulled aside? Just this last one. Yep. And so we've had two, so half of the trips I've taken with the family. I mean, it must be, are they training a new guy? Because obviously you don't look like a character that's there for trouble. Maybe I look guilty or something.

Well, you do have that effing look on your face. I've got that look. Yeah. You have to wear a shirt that says, suspect. You know, that might be it. Maybe it's my ankle monitor. That might be it because you've got a weird resting face. I have a lot of guilt for no reason.

Maybe it just kind of shines out. All right. Other things that people find embarrassing when they're out in public. Oh, accidentally walking into the wrong, John. Oh, God. Gosh, that's the worst. Because you always feel like you're a pervert. Yeah.

So help me go, okay, that's happened to me. Walking into the wrong restroom. But you're talking about a brother that walked smoothly to a women's bathroom. And I was watching my, I didn't realize I was in the women's bathroom. And it's right at the MSP. And it's right where they opened those new bathrooms right in the main corridor there. And I walked and I saw, because it says men on this wall. But I was standing at the women's side.

see the women and there was nobody there was no women in there and then I was washing my hand and this lady just walked in and she just looked at me and I looked at us like how you doing it and I was like and she just went it happens yeah and I'm like oh my god how are you doing

I mean we've all done it right I've done it at the mall of America it got me and I'm mad at the mall because I was walking and I there's it's divided right men on the left women on the right and so that wall was perfect to cover the W-W all exactly So it sounds like it was the same thing.

That's the same thing. I know what you're talking about, Josh. I was so confused when I walked in the bathroom. I saw a woman there looking terrified with her daughter. Right. And I said, ma'am, you're in the wrong bathroom. And then I looked around and saw no urnors. No urnors?

Oh, my God. Oh, and she was in there with her kids. Yeah, it was awful. It was absolutely terrible. I was so confused because I thought she was in the wrong one. Here's one that I really, I can absolutely relate to. when your phone rings at a funeral or a wedding or a church service. Probably the most mean, dirtiest look my mother ever gave me

was when my telephone went off at a funeral about 20 years ago. Oh, she was pissed off. I was pissed off at myself too, but I was in a hurry, you know, ran into the church at the last minute. This was a close family friend who checked out, and my friggin' phone rang right at the most sincere. seer, you know, moment when someone was eulogizing this guy. Oh, man.

But da da da da da ding! And my mother looked at me like, I'd choke you to death right now if we were alone. Your ring to him. Welcome to the jungle! To hell with the devil. It's like, I told you guys before my, at my wedding, my mom's phone was ringing. Oh, yeah. She didn't know, right?

It was in her first. And she was looking around like this rageful face, like who in their right mind would leave their ringer on and then she was so embarrassed when she realized, oh no, that's mine. Doesn't that make it just beautiful? That was perfect. Yeah. Because she was the maddest person in the room. I thought it was kind of funny, but yeah, it was her phone all the time. That happened to me on stage.

My phone started ringing in my pocket. I generally don't take my phone but I had a suit on it and it was sitting there and it started ringing. And I didn't realize it was mine. I said, oh my God, somebody's got their ring on. Don't know how to turn it off. I said, this is the time with everybody. I want every

in here to check their phone like right now everybody all the while yours is ringing oh it's that i wanted everybody to look away so i can just go oh no then i played kept playing it off who was it don't lie raise your hand who wasn't that's great one ninety three ninety three see willie miles is here we've been having a conversation about all the different ways the hell's going on with my microphone over here. All the different ways that we can embarrass ourselves terribly in public. We've been talking up and down. Quite a few people have texted in, chiming in on an incident or two where they embarrassed themselves in public. And I received quite a few texts, Josh, on the, how should I say this? The I thought I was alone, but I was not fart.

Yeah, that seems to be a popular answer. No, that's terrible. I've seen it happen to you. You did watch it happen to me. You know, well, the two of us alone, you thought. Yeah. Boy, is there any chance that the gal thought it was you and not me? Oh, I suppose.

It's a 50-50 chance. I never considered that. I about killed that woman in the snack room. What do they call it in the business? The cafeteria. In the cafeteria? She was so close to retirement, too. She almost made it her whole career without that happened.

Just horrible. It was the, I thought we were alone, but we were not fart. This is a good one, was texted in by a listener, when you go ahead and drive the wrong way down to one-way street. Everyone in the neighborhood knows that you're a total moron and you've gone the wrong way. Just play it out. How about the walk of shame where you're clearly wearing the outfit from the night before? Sure. You know, maybe the day after Halloween, you're like, I'm not actually going to my shift as a surgeon.

This was a costume from last night. That used to bother me, except then I started doing it, like, so much from working here. Wearing the same outfit? Yeah, that I was just like, whatever. Yeah, it doesn't faze me. Nobody changes their closure. And, you know, when you're 19, 20, 21 doing the walk of shame. It's not a shame.

It's not, yeah, there's no shame. I never felt ashamed. It's like a pimp walk. I kind of like it. It's like a little chilly out. Swagger. Smoke a cigarette on the way back. If you're 40 or 45 years old, you're still walking down the sidewalk,

trying to figure out what cross streets you're at. That might be a different. I remember one time in college, me and my roommate, we were walking home in our dress clothes and we realized we had 10 minutes to make it to Burger King breakfast. So there we are in our nice dress clothes for the night before just sprinting down Washington Avenue to try to make it to Burger King in time for breakfast.

That's awesome. Everybody's raced to a McDonald's or Burger King. We're getting there. We've got to beat that cut off. Two crecelo dishes and an orange juice place. Earlier on, we talked about the embarrassment of having your telephone ring at a funeral or a wedding or a church service or something like that. Here's a listener who texted in and said he had the Benny Hill theme song as his ringtone.

Terrific song. What do they call that song again, Josh? Yackety sex. One of my fondest memories of growing up is watching the Benny Hill show. So dude had the Benny Hill show theme song on his cellular telephone. and the ringtone went off at his dad's funeral just as they were lowering the old man into the front. That's the perfect time.

It's your dad. It's all right. Yeah, dad would have thought that was fun. As they were lowering the old man's carcass into that hole. Here are a few more embarrassing situations while in public. Examples from the original article that we've been discussing this morning. Oh, your tampon or your pad leaking through your clothing. Oh, yeah, that does.

Never witnessed that. Absolutely sucks. How about this one thinking you see someone you know in a crowd? You start talking to them just to realize it's not somebody who you know. Oh, my gosh. This happens to me way too often. And I feel it usually happens with our listeners. Because they'll be like, oh, like I'm blah, blah, blah.

Like, do you remember me? And for a second, I'm like, oh, yeah. Absolutely, I remember you. Like, I remember your face. And then I start to like talk about a conversation we had. And they're like, nope. No. That's not me at all.

I get a lot because my brother, people think I'm my brother. They come up to me and be like, oh my God, when are you guys, when are you playing again? I'd be like, it's not me. You are the comic. Your brother is the musician. Yeah, and I was like, and they'd be like, oh, I thought you were CJ. I mean, I get that, but we don't look anything alike. Really?

You don't? No. But people still walk up and assume that you are. I don't. I can't see it. But I can tell that, you can tell, we can tell. We were brothers. Yeah.

But you should be able to tell me from my brother when we're away from each other. You know what I mean? Last Friday at the bar, Josh, I was cooking chicken over there at the American Legion and Wisetta, and I stepped out the kitchen just to stretch my legs a little bit. And I waved at a dude at the bar who I thought I knew, and he confusingly waved back to me. And after about two seconds, I realized, okay, I don't know that guy. and he does not know me. But I thought he was somebody else.

Almost mid-wave, I realized, oh, that's not who I thought it was. Have you ever... Maybe you made his day. I don't think so. He looked very confused. I had this happen where I ran into somebody I did know, but their appearance had changed so much.

I didn't recognize them. Sure. And then eventually they said, you do realize it's me, somebody I'd known for a long time, and I didn't. Don't do that to me. The closest I could come up with is I said, Oh, hey, I've never seen you with a hat.

No, everything else was completely different. That's all I could think. If they looked radically different from... Oh, it was completely different. You know, you shouldn't be embarrassed by that. I mean, it's more or less a total stranger to you if their appearance has changed that much. It's like I've had that experience once or twice

at a high school graduation where they walk up and, I mean, they're talking to me as if they really know me. Right. And, of course, we went to high school together, but I can't figure out who the hell they are because they've radically changed so much. It's not your fault. No.

There was, uh, what do we got? Well, go ahead. There is the listener that I did this to. He's probably listening right now. Uh, when we were out at the fair, him and his buddy, like, showed up to the booth. And I recognized him. And I thought he was somebody that I, like, play pool with and, like, see frequently in

Wisconsin. So I, like, went up to him right away. And I was like, oh, dude, what's up? And, like, gave him a big hug. And then, like, he hugged me back. Of course he would. He's like, how are you guys, like, doing out here? And then it, like, slowly registered.

in my brain, and he was not the guy I thought he was. And I was like, oh, he probably just thinks I'm a weirdo that hugs strangers. He probably does. Oh, in closing, there are things like having your dog drag you across the dog park. Oh, your dog's walking you?

Falling off of a chair. Yep. Falling off of a chair. Have you tipped backwards too far in your chair? No, I will never sit on a chair again if that happens. That was great comedy back in school. Yeah, we'd lean back so far in school. That would happen. Realizing halfway through the day that your shirt or pants have been inside out.

Oh, I've done that here. I've came back into this room plenty of times. I guess not plenty of times, but definitely a handful of times I told you guys like, oh, my pants are inside out. Underwear are backwards. Great start of the day. Appreciate your time and your visit, see Willie Miles. Always, brother.

Thank you very much, and we'll see you in a week. 93X half-assed morning show. Hey podcast friends, it's Dana here. I'm a smart club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. I think you should join me. I don't mean to be that guy, but as Minnesones, we know what season's coming up. Getting your furnace tune up before the cold weather hits is just smart. Right now, you can save $70 on a furnace tune-up or double-dip and save $140.

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