93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): Best Time to Have a Beer

Episode Date: December 31, 2025

The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. We're up and running. We've happily, very happily hit the start button on our Thursday broadcast. Welcome.

I'll get my microphone over here. Welcome to the 93X half-ass morning show. We certainly appreciate you being by our side for today's show. We're down to just two days until we close. close out our ultimate F-off week, our Christmas edition of the ultimate F-off week. Two days.

We've got to get through today, of course. Tomorrow doesn't concern me at all. So I guess maybe I should restate in my mind it's more like we only have one real day of work left. Is that comment related to the

amount of effort you plan on giving tomorrow? Effort, interest, care. Next to nothing? Yeah. throw any of those words. Josh, tomorrow, which is Ultimate F-off Day, the final day of Ultimate F-off week, tomorrow, if I walk into the building and it's under six feet of water,

hell, that's just too damn bad. That's just too damn bad. Was it yesterday you were praying for a fire? Yeah, that was yesterday. Did I pray for a fire? Yeah, some sort of catastrophe for this building. I can't remember exactly what it was. I don't recall.

You don't remember that? Yeah, he wanted the place to start on fire. Yeah. Sometimes I talk to myself when we're... Well, you know, you are talking to us. Maybe you forgot about that. But yeah, I think you prayed for a fire. And I said, well, you know, we'll get that at home set up.

And then you prayed that that wouldn't work either. Oh, right. For like two months. I think you wanted this place shut down for two months. I had a dream scenario that I shared with Ashley and Cubby. Yes, I don't remember the specifics. Like I said, sometimes I'm just kind of talking to myself in between breaks. And I apologize.

If what I said scared you at all, Ashley, Josh, I apologize. No, I knew it wasn't a threat. You weren't, there was nothing about it that said to me you might come back with a can of gasoline and lighter. I remember this now. I said maybe, maybe this was yesterday. maybe after we left work yesterday, maybe there would be a fire. And the company would tell us, look, we've got nowhere for you to broadcast. Stay home.

And then they'd get busy with other things, right? It's a big company. They've got a lot of radio stations they have to manage. They'd get busy with other radio stations. Forget to rebuild our studios, and we just never have to. to return again. Oh yeah, but we'd be paid. But we'd still be paid.

Oh, that's right. I forgot you mentioned that we'd be, that would fall through the cracks. They'd keep pay us. That's a pretty psychotic thing to say out loud and then not remember at all. Yeah. That part was concerning. Because it was a whole scenario you set up. I have, I have very, very dramatic thoughts, dreams, fantasies.

You pivoted because like you said, you're like, well, they'll be shut down for two months, mentioned, well, we'd just broadcast from home if they have no place to go. And then that's when you said, no, they won't set that up. No, they're distracted. You should know by now, Josh, that the company has no intention of setting us up with home broadcast equipment. They've been talking

about it for 15 years and have done nothing. I think we have hit the 15 year mark. Yes, nothing. Well, I can confidently say I started to hear about five and a half years ago and they said, yeah, we're going to get you all guys, all set up, all four of you with at-home broadcasting equipment just for

days where somebody's sick, weather's bad, you'll be all set to go. That was five and a half years ago, and we're no closer to it happening. I know. I paid to get my place set up for it. It's beautiful. The setup you have is beauty. Oh, it's cool. That ruby is awesome. You're just waiting for the other people to finish what you started. At any rate, I get a little crazy sometimes. I get a little crazy. The cops are going to be in studio today, two members of the Minnesota State Patrol. How do you say his name again?

Which one? Gordon Shank. Gordon Shank. There's Mike Lee. I almost wanted to call him Golden. Gordon Shank and Mikey Lee. It's time, I imagine, it's time for them to bust everyone's balls

about their holiday season drunk driving. Which is the right thing to do. Pull your head out of your ass. stop it with the drunk driving. Josh wants to know something from you drunk drivers. He wants to know, what are you a friggin' idiot? Those words never came out of my mind, but it is a dumb, or my, yes, my mouth or my mind, but that is a dumb thing to do.

And he wants answers. He wants answers. His question is, what are you? Some kind of a friggin idiot, and he wants answers from you drunk drivers. You know, good people make bad decisions, and hopefully segments like this might make someone think twice. there you friggin go. That was beautifully put right there. I love having those guys in.

Those guys are like a regular comedy routine. I was going to say, they're a great comedy duo. Yeah, they are. Gordon's kind of the straight man. And he's kind of a defeated man this year with his Bengals. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's affected how he comes across. I can't wait to taunt him about how Joe Burroughs coming to Minnesota.

I've already tried that via text message. Not Biden? No, I mean, he's just kind of defeated. Yeah, his nose is going to happen. Before he would put up a fight, if you kind of rib him about his team, now I think he's just over. He can't do it. I thought Gordon Shank is a big fan of the Cincinnati Bengals. Wouldn't it please him if Joe Burrah came here to play in Minnesota because he lives in Minnesota?

I think he wants to cheer for his team. Here's a guy that just texted in and said he doesn't, he's trying to answer your question, Josh, that you asked earlier to all drunk drivers. The question being, what are you some kind of a friggin' idiot? This guy's trying to answer you here He says, I'm sorry, Josh He doesn't drive drunk anymore But he still drives high No, you don't drive high either

No Was that supposed to make us feel better That text message? This guy says He doesn't drink and drive anymore But he drives high Yeah, that's probably pretty bad I smell it a lot on the roads to you guys By meaning marijuana

It's unbelievable Your reaction time is so much slower, and I only know that because I used to drive high. So much slower. This is a PSA from Ashley. It's absolutely unbelievable how today you can smell marijuana on

a freeway coming from a car a quarter mile ahead of you. How is that possible, but it's frigging true? Maybe I'm just naive, but I always assume it's a skunk. Oh, I never assume it's a skunk. How many skunks are out there? I know they can be close, but yeah, especially the dudes that have the window down, or if there's a ton of tint, for whatever reason, that's a sign.

Oh. I would say probably once a week. Oh, yeah. I mean, the area I drive through, it's like a lot of people, so there's good odds. I know nothing about marijuana and the changes it's gone through over the last 30 years. And please don't text me with the details because I don't. I'm so tired of talking about weed. Even weed guys get kind of confused with the laws in Minnesota and the federal laws.

It's become such a thing over the last few years. My God, I'm so tired of talking about weed. But it is interesting. Back in high school, there's no way. No way you could ever smell it coming from five cars away from you, but now you can. It's something's changed. And again, don't tell me what it is because I don't want to know. But something is very different.

Yeah. I'm not trying to upset. Right, Josh? When you were a 19-year-old kid, do you ever remember once smelling weed coming from a car five spots ahead of you? Never. No. Never. Now it's really, it makes me chuckle.

It really does. I don't. I can't understand it. I'm not trying to upset anyone. I've always been, just go ahead and leave. Well, earlier, you went ahead with Colin Dr. Well, no, see, that's your thing. You put words in.

to other people's mouths that was never said by me. So again, I'm not trying to piss off anybody, but I've always been to just go ahead and legalize it. Everybody's doing it anyways. Make it legal. Free up the cops to go after real criminals, that kind of thing. But I'll tell you what, once you started smelling it everywhere, I changed my tune. I can't do this anymore.

Make this illegal. I just the days where I wasn't smelling it everywhere I went. I heard the state fair was pretty bad this year. Oh, I didn't notice it there. You know where I noticed it the most? Where? Our Fourth of July booze crews. Yeah.

Walking around Stillwater. That was crazy. Yeah, right. Oh, you mean in town or on the boat? In town. Oh, okay. Because on the boat, I swear to God, I smelled it from five boats ahead of us. Josh is pretty hard on the drinkers and the pot smokers.

Yeah, again, I didn't say any of that stuff. I think living in Minneapolis, like, in uptown for as long as I have, I've just become noseblind to it because I don't notice it like you guys do. I think it just doesn't register to me anymore. Maybe your olfactory system was damaged during the incident. Yes. I didn't start noticing it until I quit smoking weed. Then I was like, oh my gosh, did I smell like that everywhere I went?

I never noticed it. Some did, some didn't. Well, no, you went to, I didn't smoke before work. I could have never done that, Josh, being high around you too. I'd be so uncomfortable. You'd so paranoid. Yeah. Some of my big-time pot smoking friends, you can smell

on them. Like if I'm sitting in the bar and I'm looking out the window and I see them pull into the parking lot, I can already smell the marijuana, right? But others are so good at covering it. Anyway. There's a few people texting in say they smelled it this morning already. Wow. One person said that I must have been following behind them when I was smelling that marijuana. Maybe it's you. I mean, I'd be awful nervous if I was smoking marijuana in a car. Because it's so obvious, everybody can smell it. Right. Except for Dana.

Except me. Yeah, I'd be the worst cop. Dana's smelling those winter skunks running around out there. Yeah, exactly. In the wintertime that are always getting roadkill on the side of the road. So the cops are going to swing by later around 820 to bust our balls about our drunk driving and our driving wall high. Speaking of drinking, I like to drink a beer now and again. Josh, do you know what the godless, soulless, evil and wildly misinformed social media crowd came up with?

What'd they come up? They decided to write down what they thought were the best specific times and or events to go ahead and enjoy an ice cold Steve Weiser. Now, some of you just said out loud, well, any time is it good time? And that's cute, but the social media crowd got specific. The best specific times or events to go ahead and enjoy. a beer. Here's what they came up with. The pre-flight airport beer.

Oh, gosh. Yeah, that hits so good. You want to take it up a notch, Ashley? Yeah. Dana? What makes that hit so good, Ashley? Like, what's better about it? I don't know.

It's the beginning of vacation. You know that you don't have anywhere to be. Well, I mean, you have to be at your plane, but you don't have anywhere, like, no work. It's the best feeling ever. Usually it's the beginning of four or five days off. If you're getting on an airplane, you're going to go. But you want to take it to that pre-flight airport beer,

if you want to take it to another level, throw little Xanax in there. No, that's a bad idea. I've heard that. I've heard that's great. That's a terrible idea. I saw a guy almost go to a Jamaican prison. Well, that wasn't beer. That was an entire bottle.

Well, I just mean alcohol and Xanax don't combine the two. Let me just tell you that when, and this was a doctor who gave me a green light on this. I'm not saying this is for everybody. I'm speaking just from 100% personal experience. This is how it worked for me. My doctor said, you know, before you get on that airplane, because I think I must have told him, oh, yeah, I said, hey, dude, I hate to fly. This is 20 years ago.

I hate to fly. Can I get some of that Xanax? I hear Xanax is the trick. And he said, sure. Crazy already. Well, what's so crazy about that? Because, like, most people could not go and be like, can I get some Xanax? And then be like, yeah, sure.

From your doctor? No, most of them would be like, let's give you some, you know, a lower drug, lower potency. Oh, okay. This was 20 years ago, if that makes any difference. And so he said, sure, he gave me a bucket of Xanax. And he said, you know, just do like a half a pill. And he, you know, look to his left and look to his right. And he said, just between me and you.

one nice tall beer and a half of one of these Xanaxes, and you're going to sleep like a baby, you're not going to worry at all about this terrible, awful, unnecessary plane ride you have to take. And he was right. And I had that effing system down. I mean, before I even got fully seated in the airplane chair, I was just beautiful. My mistake that Josh was referring to is,

one trip I decided to drink an entire bottle of vodka and I think I had about six Xanax. Oh my gosh, you're so lucky you didn't die. It was horrible, horrible. Oh, my God. I cannot imagine that. I'm not recommending this to anybody. I'm just telling you my personal experience. Well, 651 or 715 Jesus said, your doctor, he just got sentenced for that whole Matthew Perry trial.

I don't know the story. Matthew Perry was provided ketamine. Yeah. He overdosed from that and his doctor is now in some serious trouble. A couple of them, actually. Well, you know my doctor, Josh. Ashley, you know him too. I think Dana.

Vinny Boombots! All right. Here are some other specific wonderful times to have a beer. The Hotel Balcony beer. That is nice. Overlooking the violence. At street level, right? I've never been in a hotel where I had a balcony.

I'm not paying extra for that. I'll just stay on the inside. The hotel balcony beer. Kind of mirrors what you were saying a minute ago, Ashley, about vacation, right? You've reached your hotel, you've got a balcony. Again, you overlook the derelicts fighting in the streets, and you just kind of relax and have a beer because they're not your problem. The straight to the bar after work beer?

Sure. Yeah. Meet up with all your bros, the backyard beer after you mow the lawn. I've just discovered that beer recently because I'm going to now have a yard to mow. And it is nice, having a beer and then kind of looking over what you just accomplished. It's a nice feeling. Yeah, that is great. And then you fire up the grill.

There's one spot that I missed. There's another spot that I missed. A lot of Mohawks in that line. And then you fire up the grill? Oh, yeah. Sure. Make yourself some organic. brats or tofu burgers

As you guys know there's not very many good pictures of me tofu burgers delicious by the way kidding I have one that my wife loves and it's me holding a mountain dew while mowing and flip flops I think you showed us that picture once

she loves that's the only photo of me she likes just the I'm a suburban day I mean if you just you know like a maybe a cooler person would have a beer but for me it was mountain dew just kind of mowing the lawn you're pushing the mower with one hand, the mountain doos. Mountain Dew and the other and flipflops. It looks like the picture that should be on the cover of like the suburban

dad handbook or something. It kind of does. Yeah. It's perfect. It's the only good picture I've ever taken. It's because I had no idea it was no, it's somebody was taking. Yeah, you didn't have that pressure built up to it. I know this became very trendy and everyone acted like, oh yeah, that's my thing for a stretch of time. I've only

done this once in my life, the shower beer. We did in college a lot. I'm usually only doing that if I'm in a rush. Right. So I'm not in the best mood. In a rush. Yeah. Why do you have to drink? I got a pregame a little.

And I'm like, oh, but I have to shower too. All right. Two beers coming with me. And it kind of sucks because like I like really hot showers. And the beer cools down or heats up way too fast. It's silly. It was just a trend. I mean, are the suds coming from the soap or the beer?

Yeah, exactly. Like, you have to make sure it's out of the way. It's too much. One of my pals would have a couple in the shower. some Jagermeister. Oh, nice. But he had a very good reason. For a stretch of time, he was living with his in-laws.

And they got a little much for him. So he'd come home from work, go right into the shower, jacked down a couple beers and a few swills of that Jagermister to try to ease the pain of the rest of the night being spent with his in-laws. So that was out of necessity. The other specific, wonderful times to have a beer, according to the godless internet. The first beer at the tailgate party? Yep.

Oh, God, I can tell you, the toughest beer I ever drank at a tailgate party. Steel Reserve was the name of the beer. I was at a Golden Gopher football game many years ago. And I parked my ass next to some group of college kids. And, you know, we're jaw jacking. kind of Steve Weiser's he got in the cooler and they cracked it open. Steel Reserve, I'd never heard of it. I've never heard of that.

That'll make a man out of you. It sounds like you. And they said, you know, I think they told us this was kind of a challenge. You know what I mean? How should I put this? Like that was their gimmick that day was let's drink the toughest beer known to man. At least that they were aware of. It was, yeah, it was pretty rough.

But I didn't get through it after. I got through a couple, three of them. Steel Reserve. I don't understand this entry into this list of the best specific times slash events to have a beer. The beer you have while manned. Oh, it's a misprint. Here's what I have in front of me. The beer you have while manning the girl.

Manning the girl. Oh, the grill. I thought that might have been some hip slogan that I wasn't aware of, but right, it meant to say manning the grill. It does kind of sound like a hip slogan. I manned my wife last night. The beer on the ponding. Amanda. The beer on the pontoon, the bonfire beer.

Yeah. The Just Got Good News beer. Oh, that's a good beer. Good news, boys. It's not my baby. Let's have a beer. When was the last time you had a Just Got News beer, Dana? You said it was good.

Do you remember? I'm trying to think of a specific time. So nothing that was so great at Stan? No, nothing really. That I didn't think of the top of my head. What about like just finalized my divorce beer? Yeah, we've had people text in and say they have divorce parties and things like that. That's pretty funny.

I can't think either the last time I had a good news beer. Probably because, and Josh knows this, every damn day the news just gets better and better, you know, in my life at least. Right, Josh? Oh, yeah. I'll just scroll through your favorite news sorts. It's all good stuff. Very uplifting. don't you always say that each day is what?

Better than the next. Better than the next. And then, you know, like today, it's a little worse than yesterday, but it's going to be way better than tomorrow. There you go. The beer you have after you get home from an event that you were dreading. I can relate to that beer. Or an event that just sucked, you know.

God, I finally got out of there. Sure. I'm done with that. I like that. That's a good feeling. Yeah, now that's one that kind of grabs me. You're out. Doing something you didn't want to do.

You finally get home. You put it on the sweatpants or the soccer shorts or something. Oh, God. Yeah, I should have said basketball shorts there. Well, no, either way. I don't get that gimmick. Oh, you don't? No.

When you get home, you just stay in your jeans? Yeah, my wife gives me grief about it all the time. Yeah, that's weird, man. Yeah, if it's winter, the first thing I do is put on shorts. Sweatpants and shorts. Yeah. Oh, which reminds me, I need to apologize to the UPS driver earlier this week. I was in my underpants and I ran downstairs real quick and our stairs are right by the front door.

Underpants. And at the time he's taking a photo, I kind of walk by in my underpants and we kind of locked eyes for a second. It's okay. He probably thought you were wearing shorts. I hope so because I do wear baggy boxers. Oh my God, your boxers are massive. Swim trunks. I'm hoping he assumed that's what it was, but it was pretty embarrassing.

You're a sport of wood. Were you? No, no, no. I think the last time we talked about your mat. You just ask him. I was like, you're really just going to go right past that, Nick? You just asked Cubby if he had a boner? Yeah, I did.

I think the last time we talked about your unbelievably oversized boxer shorts, like 1943 just enlisted into the Army boxer shorts. I think Dana compared it to the mid-90s basketball shorts. Yeah. Like the Fab Five we're wearing. I like to be comfy. Another timely seasonal comparison. Remember in the Home Alone, too, Nick, you won't get this.

But when Kevin wears his dad's bathing suit down to the pool and they're so big that they fall off when he does a cannonball, that's another example. Did Kevin have a boner? Gross. He's a little kid. Oh, it's a friggin' movie. The beer after your significant other leaves for the weekend and you have the house to yourself. I can relate to that beer. Sure. That doesn't really happen much.

This only happens in small towns or on television. The over-the-fence beer with your next-door neighbor? Yeah, it's kind of like it. It doesn't happen. It makes me think a king of the hill. It doesn't really happen unless you're a small-town guy or you're on television. I wouldn't have beers any of my neighbors. My last neighborhood, there was neighbors that would do that.

Would they? Yeah. Right over the thing. That's always the dream, but like Nick says, never really seems to happen. Right. Do they have boners, these guys' jobs? Oh, yeah. I'd talk them into it.

I'd give them a good talking. I'd man him. I'd man him all night. You give him a good talking to. They give you a good listening to. That was a line one of my dad's buddies used to say. He had a long-winded neighbor, Mr. Jones. And so every once in a while I'd say, hey, how's Mr. Jones doing?

He's good. The other day I gave him a good listening to. The celebratory, finally, on this report of specific, wonderful times. or events to have a beer, the celebratory beer you crack after your, we don't know what this is like around here, the celebratory beer you crack after your team wins a big game. We don't win a lot of big games around here. We do a lot of drinking during the game.

Yeah. To deal with the sorrow. Some big regular season games, but never seems to happen in the playoffs. The playoffs. No. So there you go. What else is going on around here? This is it.

This is the last day. The penultimate. I'm going to apply myself. Tomorrow's the little... Today you're going to apply yourself. Tomorrow, there will be no applying. When will the no applying? Well, the no applying start at 9 a.m.

Put in an effort for some show prep. You mean like in preparation for tomorrow? Yeah. I'll push it a little longer. I will. I'll at least get myself ready to do absolutely nothing tomorrow. I'll be prepared to do nothing. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show.

Yeah, you know, earlier, wait for the acid rock to die down. Earlier we were jaw jacking about New Year's resolutions. I can't remember now, Josh. Did you put a finger on one that you're going for? You know, it's just like I said, every year it's the same. Try and be a better person. Try and get healthier. Oh, you said spend time with the family.

Yeah, you did. Well, good luck with all that. You know what I'm saying to you? I appreciate that. We were talking about New Year's resolutions. Here's a text message from Mullet, Wheely, Jesus. This is a damn shame. But this is more my style when it comes to a resolution.

You know, exercise, all that crap, boring. Mullet Wheely Jesus said his New Year's resolution last year was to learn how to shuffle a deck of cards. Oh, I wish I could do that. My wife could be a dealer in Las Vegas. She is so good at that kind of stuff. She can do all the tricks. I suck at it. I've been yelled that before for ruining cards. You guys ever been ashamed? You're the guy that bends the cards and messes up the corners. Oh, yeah. You're the worst. I didn't think I needed it from you. I know, but I'm giving it to you. I just have somebody else shuffle now so I don't do that. But yeah, I've gotten in some trouble from people. really pisses people off.

Yeah, that's annoying. I'm trying. I also cannot shuffle a deck of cards, not that I've tried terribly often. My fingers don't, they're not programmed for that type of thing. That's the same reason why I never in a million years would have a chance to legitimately play the guitar.

There's not a lot of dexterity at all in my fingers. I also cannot shuffle a deck of cards. So here's what dude said. Again, this is Mullet, Wheely, Jesus. His New Year's resolution last year was to learn how to shuffle the deck of cards. He got it done in a day and a half. But he says, I forgot now how to do it, so he's going to have to start all over again. Run it back.

I'm like your wife, Josh. I'm very good at shuffling cards, and it used to be a nervous tick of mine when I was watching sporting events. I'd need something to do with my hands. So I would just ripple shuffle non-suffling cards. stop a deck of cards and it drove my ex-wife crazy to the point where she said I never want to see another deck of cards again because I can't stand that sound.

Oh, I love that sound. Yeah. You too. I like watching that. If somebody's doing it compulsively for three and a half hours and under your watch, it might start to get annoying. I can understand that. Yeah, I can too. My brother, my twin brother can ribbitty dip, dip, do flip slap, upside down, backwards,

do the thing where the cards go shooting this way, that way. He can do all that stuff. I can't even come close. the bridge and that's about it. That's pretty cool. I can't do any of it. I think it's pretty cool. Yeah, I like to do it. The Purve printer says, get an automatic card shuffler. There you go. It's Josh's turn to shuffle. He just reaches under the table. Hold on. I got to plug this bad boy in.

It takes a couple minutes to get warmed up. I'll get it done, though. Don't worry. That sounds cute, an automatic card shuffler. All right, let's get started here with the Stupid News Report. and we can start things off with some more folks who are not feeling that holiday spirit, not even a little bit, Cubby. We've had a couple of these so far this holiday season. A couple of stories of folks who are absolutely not feeling the holiday spirit. A couple of dick wagons in Germany.

True story, apparently. they upped and punched the donkeys. Yes, it was a donkey punch. They went ahead and punched the donkeys that were parked out front of a Christmas nativity scene. Donkeys are so cool, though. Real donkeys standing around, right, to add some reality to the nativity scene. These two guys punched those donkeys right in their adorable donkey three.

faces. I bet a donkey could take a punch. I mean, they're pretty solid animals. Yeah, they are. They're big. Not that you should ever punch one. Yeah, they got a good chin. That's so sad. I met a donkey once that liked to cuddle. They'd like to like, you know, give you hugs.

The way that a dog would, you know, they put their head into you. This donkey did the same thing. What a good donkey. I also befriended a donkey in my lifetime, Ashley. Every time I would visit the donkey. she would come running from across the field to see me.

And we would hug, yeah. You want to know? Do you want to know what her name was? Yes. Milkshake. Oh, cute. That's awesome. I went to the British Virgin Islands when I was in high school,

and they have like wild donkeys there, like we have deer here. They're just all over the road. Yeah. That was so cool. Oh, really? We went for a work deal. I don't remember that. Do you, Nick? Well, no. We were on, we were in that stupid resort. We didn't really wander around.

I suppose. Yeah, we never went on. I'm trying to just remember the trip there. Like the drive. I don't remember in Jamaica, the drive to and from was terrifying. The drive in Jamaica from the airport to the resort was one of the most horrifying experiences of our lives. I have no memory of anything from the British Virgin Islands other than that posh resort. Oh, of course, the prostitute. Yeah, I remember that.

The company that flew us to the British Virgin Islands also flew some prostitutes in for us to bang. Vomiting, urinating, and clothes. I remember those. Didn't that Jamaica bus ride? Didn't you have a Code Brown incident on that bus ride? Yes. Yes.

Couldn't remember if I remember that correctly or not. I made the entire tour bus stop in the middle of the jungle so I could walk to a village. This was straight out of an adventure movie. I walked through the jungle until I found a village and knocked on a little hut and asked them if I could take a big sh in their house. And they said yes.

Oh, that was nice of them. And they had actual plumbing, right? Yeah, they had a real turlet. Okay. All right, we're getting way off track here. Yeah, sorry, sorry. No, I love telling those stories because, I mean, trust me as I'm walking through the jungle it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 135 degrees as I'm walking through the jungle I was too afraid to take a deuce in the jungle yes because I thought anacondas and tarantulas and and uh uh honey badgers and whatnot would tear my bag off and run with it so I wanted to find an actual shelter but as I'm walking as I'm sure you can imagine I said to my

myself, look at you. Look at what you've become. Well, it didn't help that everybody on the bus was a total jerk about it. There's radio people. They're all dicks. Maybe that explains it, but... I hated all those people. Anyway. I mean, they were jerks. Yeah.

Complete jerks. When you were in there, I was asking people like, you've never been in this... What's he supposed to do? Would you rather he crap his pants on the bus? I raised my hand in the bus and I said, we got to stop this pig. There's one guy in particular because like, are you serious? Are you serious, man? And I said, yeah, I'm serious. And they're all giving me grief. And what finally convinced him to stop the bus, I said, hey, look, I'll take my hat off my head right now. Put it in the middle of the aisle on this bus and shh into it if you want.

I don't care. I don't care about any of you. I don't care if I ever see any of you people again. I will take a deuce on the bus. Or you can stop. You got to, you make the choice. It's happening either way. All right. So no holiday spirit for these two guys in Germany.

They walked up on a nativity scene. A couple of real donkeys were tied down there. They punched the donkeys. And then these two puke bags went into a church and took a duke on the floor. Oh. Well, they're going to hell. They did.

Not go to hell. Hell, they did take a Duke on the floor. And they weren't quite done yet after they had emptied their guts onto the floor of the church. They then ransacked a Christmas market. I'm not exactly sure what that means. I assume they kicked the piss out of some Christmas decorations in town or something like that. Yeah, Christmas markets, there's a couple in the city. They're just like cute little things.

They have a bunch of different stands where they sell Christmas-related things. Like stockings and ornaments. Now these real life living, breathing donkeys from the nativity scene, by the names of Masey and Lily, I think, were the names of the... They were a little confused, but they were just fine. And the two garbage piles who pulled this off are still on the run from the German police. That's just not right. Tough guys. Pardon me?

I said big tough guys. They are tough guys. Coming at a donkey head on. They should come from the other way, so they have a chance to defend themselves. Yeah, you know what? I'd imagine that's going to knock you out pretty good, getting kicked by a donkey. A few people text in and said, they'll kick your ass. If you're on the back end of one of those things, you're in trouble.

No. Listening in Arizona, Jesus, or listening in Phoenix Jesus now, said they have wild donkeys in Arizona. Lake Pleasant Park running around there. Wild, wild donkeys. Didn't know that. Couldn't. What's the rest of that song? Anyway, I don't like these people who hurt innocent animals.

No. Why are they so miserable? How's that everybody else's problem? I'll tell you this. If anyone ever punches an innocent animal in front of me, I'm going to do everything I can to RKO, that sorry bastard. There will be a brutal RKO. Or a pop-up power bomb.

I like the pop-up power bomb. like an animal minding its own business. Right. What if it's an otter? Oh. Do you defend the otter? I hate otters. You do hate otters. All right, I'll let a guy punch an otter. All right, you'll look the other one. That would be the saddest scene.

I will let my fellow man punch an otter without any repercussions at all because of my deep rivalry, animosity, and hatred to otters, towards otters. Don't do this, Ashley. give me that look. You always give, whenever I talk about, whenever I talk about what's been going on between me and Otters since I was about four, you always give me a look. You weren't there. They're so cute. That's their friggin game. That's how they F you. All right. Let's see if we can wrap our heads around this here while we're on the topic of aminals. Oh, I'm just going to go ahead with this. Here's how this one starts off.

It says here, the only thing similar to the endless costs of having children is having no children, but dealing with the endless costs of having five dogs, five cats, or any number of horses. Okay, fair enough, I'll go along with it. Expensive, both endeavors there. Breeding children or raising numerous pets. A lawyer is in the news, don't you know, because she's suing to IRS. That takes balls right there, number one. Yeah, no, thank you.

Yeah, you best not miss there. How do you guarantee getting audited the rest of your life? She's suing to IRA. She wants to make it so people's pets count as legal dependence like human family members. What do you think? It doesn't sound like you're in favor of this. I thought you'd be all for that, Ashley. I mean, that's just crazy, but I would benefit greatly from that situation.

It sounds like your pet expenses are through the roof, actually. Yes, yes, they are. I don't think getting... You should be doing cartwheels right now. Getting that type of refund would not even put a dent in my pet expenses. But it'd be nice to get that refund. Do you pay attention to that, Ashley, or you just know it's expensive, or do you budget for... Do you have a line item for pets, chewing off legs and all the things your pets do?

Well, I guess I'll put it this way. I have one of my other dogs, not the one that chewed their foot off, has been having some issues, and there's fear of an ACL tear. And my husband said, well, we used up all the pet money already. So if this one has an ACL tear, he's a goner. Uh-oh. What? No. That's not all that works.

My buddy tours ACL decade ago. He's not done anything about it. Your dog will be fine. Yeah. All right, so this lady is suing the, how do you say it, Josh? The Internal Revenue Service. She wants to make it so people's pets count as legal dependents just like human family members. In a survey, 97% of American pet owners say they consider their pets to be, quote, part of the family.

And yes, we do. The argument is those pets are, quote, dependent on humans or, food, shelter, medical care, transportation. Transportation. Wouldn't that be something if that wasn't the case? Sure, horses. Oh, no, if they're like hail a cab on their own? I was picturing a dog or a cat driving a motor vehicle.

They'd have to wear one of those old driving caps and driving gloves. Absolutely. The lawyer says that her eight-year-old golden retriever has no independent income. resides exclusively with her and has annual expenses exceeding $5,000. According to what I'm reading, that all satisfies the IRS intent of dependency, except obviously the dog is in a human being. People are just going to get a bunch of animals. Huh?

People are just going to get a bunch of animals not take care of them and get this refund. That's what that would lead to There's plenty of people out there Who have children and don't take care of them And get that refund Exactly Like that's already bad enough So

Currently pets are considered property by the IRS And are not eligible for human dependent tax benefits Even though a lot of people would probably want this to be considered The story tells me it's very unlikely that anything comes of it The lawyer is serious about this She claims she has been damaged because the tax rules are not being applied fairly to animals. It's discrimination to treat taxpayers differently based only on whether their dependents are human or canine or whatever. This person here said their blue-ray budget is $5,000 and they want special tax benefits.

Oh. So anyways, technically this case hasn't been dismissed. yet, so it's still alive for now. Very interesting. Up at the crack of dawn, Jesus, wonders if service animals are taxed right off. I bet there's something there, right? I don't know. I bet you're on to something.

I just don't effing no. Somebody else brings up you can buy medical insurance for your animals now. Do you have that, Ashley, I forget. No, I never got it. Pet insurance? None of them are the one that it was most useful for. She wouldn't qualify. They would laugh.

Too big of a wrist. Yep. Oh, sure. Okay. First time here, this is a first for me. Hearing something like this. Some poor bastard in awful, awful, London, England.

He got four damn parking tickets for leaving his car in a disabled parking space, but it wasn't his fault. Turns out the disabled parking space was painted around his car while he was out of town. It's pretty low. Do you understand what I'm saying there? Yeah, it would be so livid. I swear this wasn't here. Yeah, I would think maybe I was going crazy.

How did I get so inattentive? Mm-hmm. His car was parked on the street. He's out of town. And somebody, and I'll explain who in a minute, walked up and painted the... disabled spot around his car. Dude comes back from vacation. He found a pile of parking tickets on his windshield.

Kind of like in the old movies where a crooked cop, as soon as somebody goes by the speed limit sign would hit a button and then it would change. Oh, yeah. Pull you over. Yeah. The good news is, dude probably won't have to pay Dick Tracy because it was all a colossal goat rodeo, a giant F-Up.

So here's what somebody in charge of the street. over there in terrible London. Here's what they explained. They said, our road marking guy painted lines for a new disabled parking spot. He painted around a car as is standard practice

because otherwise he would have had to wait for the space to be free which may have taken weeks. Okay. They have never heard of a tow truck, apparently. It had to be done that day, I guess.

This disabled parking spot had to be painted that day. The line painter guy couldn't wait. He's got other things. He's got to get done. So here's where the F-Up actually happened. The line painter guy. He took a picture of the car. So the city would know not to give the owner any tickets.

But that picture never made it. into the hands of the parking ticket cops. So they had no effing clue and assumed that day after day, the same car was using a disabled parking spot without any disabled parking permits anywhere on the car. Did I put that together well enough for you? Yeah. Because there's a lot there.

You know, and meanwhile, the car owner is hundreds of miles away on vacation, bombing drinks and firing randos into the tall grass without a care in the world. He comes home. He's got parking tickets coming up. out his ass. The city apologized to the dude for the confusion. It looks like everybody will be able to happily move on with their miserable

English lives. It's so weird they didn't tow the car. Yeah. I mean, that would happen pretty quickly here. But he was parked legally. Well, they didn't think so. They thought he was parked in a handicapped sign, right? Or a handicapped spot. Oh, oh, once the

parking ticket cops, yeah, yeah. You think like they'd get rid of it. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe they don't have tow trucks in England. I don't know. They don't have tow trucks over there, do they? They must not. I don't friggin' know. And their police and ambulance siren sound goofy. They do.

It sounds stupid. That's not intimidating. No. They should change those. Right, that whole bit? Uh-huh. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

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We got a video here, for starters. And you delivery drivers will especially get a kick out of this. The footage comes from, oh, one of those newfangled doorbell cameras. And it's video of a FedEx driver who got fooled by a sleeping dog. In the video, the FedEx delivery lady, she walks up on somebody porch to make a delivery, and she notices that there's a dog laid out on the porch, and it isn't moving at all. The delivery lady, package in hand, she looks at the dog very closely.

Dog doesn't react. It's lying on its side, absolutely motionless. And the poor delivery gal thought the worst. she then leaves a message on the doorbell camera. I didn't know that was possible in the first place. How do how does that happen? How do you... Well, I think what happened was, I mean, so it depends on your plan.

Like, I have a plan where it'll store 60 days worth of audio and video. Oh, so doorbell cameras not only record video, they record audio. I was unaware of that. So she knew that. She's a delivery lady. She, she. My kid even announced, say, Nick's here. You know, he can tell you that kind of thing.

F me. So she says, as you heard, sorry. Sorry to tell you, but I think your dog is dead. It looked dead. It did. After leaving the message and the package, the delivery lady takes one more close look at the dog. And at the exact same time,

a different little scrappy dog, excitedly runs up to meet her. And suddenly the laid-out dog comes to, and the gal realizes the dog was not dead, just very, very sound asleep. Just a sleepy puppy. I probably

would have tried to move them before I told somebody they were dead. I understand some people are like afraid to wake up dogs or just afraid of dogs in general, but I have a four, telling somebody that I think their dog is dead, I would have tried to make contact. Or at least poke it with a stick or something? Yes, something.

I don't think I'd put my hands on it for fear of losing that hand, but maybe, like Josh said, break a branch off a tree and poke it from a distance. Sure. So they have so many dogs. So many dogs end up joining this video. My stepdaughter a couple weeks ago, so she nannies part time and they have a dog. And so the family went out of town, so she's just pet sitting. and she went there and the door wouldn't quite open.

And so she starts putting a little more pressure on the door. And the dog was there, not moving. And she thought, oh, my God, the dog died. The dog passed away. But it was the same type of thing. The dog was just exhausted, decided, I'm not going to move. You can push me out of the way. She thought for sure the dog was dead.

So before this delivery lady left, she fed the not dead dog. and all the other dogs on the property, some delicious treats. On social media, the family with all these damn dogs on their property. And by the way, did this look like a beautiful place or what?

Absolutely beautiful. Massive farmhouse it looked to be in the video. That's the way to go if you can afford it. Huge porch. It was just beautiful. No wonder they have somebody dogs running around. On social media, the family with all these dogs left a message saying,

if you are our FedEx driver, We're sorry for this encounter. Thank you for your concern. So they appreciated that the lady would leave such a message and let them know. I'm going to go ahead and guess, Josh, that being a delivery driver, you are wrestling, excited, and sometimes not so friendly dogs all day long. I imagine it had been a long time since this delivery lady had encountered a dog that had zero reaction to her presence.

So she assumed, well, that dog must be dead. It looked dead. Yeah. It definitely looked dead. One thing that I noticed, or anybody else that's chronically online, they have a goose on their porch. It's like a ceramic goose. And those are, that has, like, its own, like, cult following.

Those things are really expensive. Swingers. People will dress them up in different outfits. Ceramic geese? Yeah. Or what? It's like, I don't know, like a weird cult following. following with these things.

Like, if you have one on your porch, I don't know, it's like a big deal. Yeah, people will dress it up in different outfits for different holidays. Okay, this is the new hip thing. You put a ceramic goose on your porch and you put clothes on it. Yeah. Losers. I think it's adorable.

And that means we are open to partner swapping? I thought I was. I was flamengoed last month. I woke up to, I'm going to say, probably 50 flamingos on my front yard, and I thought, oh, my God, I'm a swinger. I had no idea. I ever been in the neighborhood trying to bang Josh all of something. Somebody played a prank on you?

Yeah, it turns out it was Chris Lindahl for my 50th. He delivered like 50 flamingos on our front yard. And I had no idea, so I'm checking our camera going. There was a couple of culprits, a couple of my buddies that was right up their alley. And I thought for sure it was them. And he sent me a video Lindahl the next day, and I still didn't get it. Ashley got it right away because he said, happy flocking birthday. And I thought, well, that's a weird thing to say.

that eventually he reveals he was behind it. One of the best pranks that's ever been pulled on me was many years ago when I was living in Rogers. We had a real fun drinking crowd up there in our neighborhood. Everybody was, you know, 35 and under, and all we did was just drink beer until all hours of the night. We had a riot. I missed those people. We had such a great time. So all my beer drinking pals up there, and Rogers knew I was headed out of town for a few days.

This was like in July. I go out of town, I come home. And when I came home, my Rogers neighbors had covered my entire lawn with packing peanuts, white packing peanuts, and put a Christmas tree up in my yard and Christmas lights to make it look like, you see where I'm going with that? That was a lot of fun until I had to clean it up. Yeah, those are tough to get rid of. We did the packing penis to a penis.

All right, take that out of the podcast. We did the packing peanuts to a buddy's girlfriend in high school, and the dad was enraged. We didn't even think about how tough it would be to clean up. We just thought it was kind of a funny bit. I cleaned up about a quarter of it, and then the wind started to blow, and it was no longer my problem. Then it becomes the neighbor's issue?

It went flying all over the neighborhood, and I didn't do a thing about it. Now, back to this dog story. This is ridiculous, but this here's story, includes advice from a veterinarian, and maybe we'll get ours in before the end of the week. We'll find out Dr. Andrea Johnston. We'll see if she's busy this week. There's some advice here from a veterinarian

on how you can check to see if a dog is dead or not dead. Okay. And they are. Check for a pulse on the inside of the dog's thigh. And I've noticed that before. inside of the thigh. I wouldn't do that. Big artery there.

Well, they're not generally saying a strange dog. Like, let's say you think your own dog might be dead. Yeah, even so. Right. You still wouldn't grab. I'll figure out if they're dead a different way. Okay, well, here's, there are other ways, Josh. A heartbeat can also be felt in the left armpit region of a dog.

I love this part. You can also also look at the dog's chest if it rises. and falls, it's likely the dog is still breathing, okay? Makes sense. I've had to do that a couple times. That's a good one. With my dog, she's had some medical issues lately, and sometimes

she'll be so sleepy from being on Gabby Patton. It's like an anxiety medication that makes them all drowsy. And there's been a couple times where she doesn't move and I look at her a little bit longer than usual, waiting for the chest to rise. So I'm like, okay, she's

good. She's got it. All I'd have to do is say, who wants to go outside? Or who wants a treat? And they'd be up instantaneously, no matter what. I wonder if you just made any dogs get up. Oh, if I did, I'm sorry. I'd never even thought of that. Are you assuming some dogs might be listening?

I think so, right? No, no, I like that. So let me get in there. No! No! You are bad! I've had some people say your bell, Nick, makes their dogs go absolutely insane. Oh, no.

You're not supposed to do it if you know that. I love that. Boy, I bet she's got some money, too. Gabby Penton. Got a drug named after her and everything. That was tricky, man. You can't do that to me. Don't you think so, Josh?

If it drugs named after you? Gabby Penton. Unless it's like they're making fun of her and she doesn't get a dime. All right. Also, you can check your dog's reflexes. This is, you know, These are different ways to make sure your dog is dead or not dead. Check your dog's reflexes.

That can be done by pulling the dog's tongue, gently tapping on the side of its eye, or pinching the skin between their toes. And if a dog is still living, it will react some way. Just in case something happens at the house and you're not sure if your dog is alive or dead. Air filter Jesus said he usually just waits until the dog is at least one quarter covered with flies. And then he'll announce the dog is passed. But it has to be at least one quarter.

I think I can make a ruling on this one, boys. Oh yeah, he's definitely dead. This one didn't make it. It's all the way up past the hunches. I'm going to make another guess. That sleeping dog in the video is probably older than the damn hills. I had a dog lived to be 19 years old in the last couple of years of his life. He couldn't hear Dick. And he spent most of the day sleeping and when he was really out cold at the house, I could have hosted an amateur marching band contest in the living room and that old bag of bones wouldn't have

opened an eye. So that must have been one old dog. Old dogs will sleep. Somebody else recommends a rectal examination. That'll wake up a dog. It's not sure will. Oh. 93X half-assed morning show. Isn't that a religious show

with all the Jesus and Jesus talk? Oh, hell no. Just kidding. They suck. So do you want to fall in line with everybody else and go ahead with this one gorilla versus 100 men conversation? Yeah, why not? Oh, this is ridiculous.

I was made aware of this yesterday at some point. I was watching Timberwolves coverage, of course. What day is it today? Tuesday. When did the wolves play? Saturday? Yes. Or no. Sunday. Sunday, yeah. Sunday. I'm watching some Timberwolves coverage,

and I think it was Michael Grady, who usually is the lead, play-by-play man for the Timberwolves with Jim Peterson doing color commentary. But Sunday, I think it was just strictly an ESPN type of a thing, so I didn't get my fix of those two gentlemen. But I found a show sometime after the Wolves game that had, had Michael Grady making comments about the ballgame, and he made some reference to guerrillas fighting regular men, and I was totally thrown by the comment.

I even asked my wife, I said, what the hell is he referring to there? But it was this big internet thing, okay? This is the conversation being had all over town. The premise is simple. One gorilla versus 100 men, a fight to the death who survived. And there were some sports blogs that got all their writers together to see if they could come up to consensus. Bro Bible, they did that, had a bunch of guys get together and provide their answers and some justifications one way or the other. No way.

All right. So again, if you're new to this, one gorilla versus 100 men of fight to the death who survives. Either the gorilla or some amount of the men. because there will be casualties. Well, it could be zero. Your answer could be zero men survive. Your answer could be the gorilla is the only survivor. That's the question that has swept the Internet in recent days.

So the gorilla walks out alone. The human men have no weapons? No weapons. Well, then they have no chance. That's my answer. I don't know. I think 100 guys could take a gorilla. I don't think so, mostly because after they watch the first 10 get absolutely ripped apart, the other 90 men are not going to go for it.

Well, I don't think you take turns. It's a team effort, actually. Yeah, I think everybody jumps in all at once. Okay, maybe, okay, the first guy that gets brutally attacked, they're going to be like, eh, I don't know. Let's back off. Like an 80s movie where for whatever reason, it's one at a time. Right.

And nobody seems to notice that this guy's just killed the first 30 people. I don't know. I'm still going with the gorilla kills every damn last one of the human men. Yeah, me too. And quite easily and quite quickly. Especially if we're talking about just like the average man, not like a bunch of dudes that work out regularly. You know, they're like some Navy SEALs.

One full-grown adult male gorilla. Yeah, they have no chance. Without weapons, I don't think we have a chance, Josh. A hundred guys have one gorilla. Yeah. I still don't think that we have a chance. Boy, I don't know. I wouldn't want to be the first guy up there because there's going to be a lot of deaths.

Like a significant amount of deaths. I wouldn't want to be in there with any loved ones because there's a very good odd. They're very good odds you're going to lose a loved one. But I think 100 guys would cut that gorilla is going to be exhausted. Absolutely exhausted. Yeah, they're not used to killing 100 folks in one day. No, but I'd definitely be that guy, Josh. I'd be like, all right, just go time.

Oh, shoot, my shoe's untied. You guys go ahead. I'll be right there. Yep, all right. I'm coming. Or let me tell you a little bit about the gorilla and what it's capable of. It can lift up to 1,800 pounds.

That's three full vending machines stacked on top of each other. That's, we can lift that up. When you put it in that context. Well, what, that'd be 1,800 pounds. Would it, like, 12, let's say, I don't know what the average weight of a guy is. Let's say 150. not huge. That's 12 dudes right there. There goes

12 dudes. You got 88 other guys there. Yeah, but you throw those 12 dudes into 30 other dudes. I think that'd be tough to do for one gorilla. That wounds a few of those dudes. What else can the gorilla do? By the way, I'm picking with my brain, not my heart, because I'm cheering for the gorilla. Yeah. I just don't think the gorilla's going to beat 100 dudes. Uh, the gorilla can bench press 4,400 pounds. It packs a bite force stronger than a grizzly bear or a polar bear. And it's been observed.

Guerrillas have been observed before. Effortlessly, did I say that correctly? I think I did. Guerrillas have been observed effortlessly snapping thick tree branches that would require a chain of saw for any human to break. it's quite intimidating. I just think once this gorilla gets really pissed off and just kind of starts windmilling himself in a circle, we just drop like flies.

Well, like I said, there'll be a lot of deaths, but I think overall 100 guys are going to tire out and they're going to beat this gorilla. Lazy magician, Jesus said, how many guys could realistically jump a gorilla at one time, though? maybe six maybe eight there's not a lot of room yeah but it keeps coming it's a big assault i don't know did they get tired like that i wouldn't imagine that they get so easily exhausted a few people have said that yes the the gorilla would become exhausted and just wouldn't be able to fight back and apparently

there's been some uh i people have gone as far as to run simulations through a ai yeah that's usually extremely trustworthy and the men have well of course this whole thing's pretty silly actually overwhelmingly the men are winning. But, you know, there's only a handful of guys left. There's only a handful left. Yeah, well, I mean... Hopefully we never have to find out. Everyone's got an idea.

Everyone's got an idea. You'd have a hell of a story to bring back to the bar if you were one of the guys that survived of the 100 and killed a gorilla. Not only is the gorilla way stronger, says emotional boner Jesus, but the gorilla is going to be really pissed off, which is going to add fuel to the fire. Josh's mother could take on 100 guys.

There's another text message that was sent in. One listener is picturing a scene like in the Matrix where the Smiths pile on Neo. Do you understand the reference? Anybody personally, the Matrix never saw it. Maybe a hundred years ago, I'd have more faith in what we could accomplish. but I just think these days

the average dude is SAWFT soft and I include myself in that group Well I also think that the idea of getting 100 guys to get along and come up with a singular plan would be a little tough You know political debate would break out right beforehand Probably They'd be killed as they're arguing about how to do it

Right Here's a good question Josh What if there were two guerrillas Do you still think that the human men had a chance. No, I think two gorillas, that'd be too tough. They'd be playing catch with your head. I wouldn't think most guys are going to be dead. There'll be a few survivors.

Some other listeners are wondering, you know, can we have Chuck Norris on our side? Can Chuck Norris be one of the 100 men or they're naming other, you know, characters? They'll probably be a... characters, John Rambo. A couple of those types of guys in there. Out of 100 people, it's likely. Well, there you go. That's what folks have been arguing back and forth about.

That's pretty funny. I'm also rooting for the gorilla, Josh. Didn't Tarzan kill a gorilla? I mean, that's just one half-naked guy. I never saw it. Is that what he did? I don't remember. Did he kill a gorilla?

He might have had a knife. I only saw the Disney animated version. I always got a kick out of Josh when you would tell your stories of visiting the guerrillas at the zoo and the deep, deep depression they all seem to be suffering from. That's the thing. I love watching them. They're just,

they're incredible animals. And then when you see them up close, how powerful and big they are. But yeah, they always look pretty bummed down. Yeah, they're just bored out of their minds at the frigging zoo. And they're,

they have no interest in the people. They're just sitting there pretty depressed, it looks. I like the videos of, maybe like a toddler is in front of the glass there at the guerrilla exhibit, and they're doing something that toddlers do, and the guerrillas actually respond to them. Those are my favorite. It's so cute.

But also, it makes you realize that they're really smart, and that's kind of terrifying. Offended millennial, is in a word. Offended millennial Jesus has texted into the program on this 100 men versus one guerrilla argument that has taken social media. over. He says, man, someone's going to get a finger in the butt amongst all that fighting. Yeah, for sure.

There's going to be some friendly fire, I would think. Whoops. Sorry, I was going for its throat. You were up on top of that thing, nothing I could do. Well, there you go. There's so many factors, though. I mean, is everybody going to attack? Or there's going, eff that.

That's a gorilla. I'm not taking my chances. Yeah, I don't know. You go after the eyes. Yep. I think eyes, neck, genitals. You got to go for the genitals. Oh, man.

You think you would be the guy that just gives that gorilla's genitals, the anaconda squeeze? Now, I do think that should be against the rules, but I'm fighting a gorilla. I'd be terrified. Yeah, I think no holds barred there. You're not worried about brocode. No, not at all. In that situation. I'd feel terrible about it.

I just, you know, I don't know if we're tough enough anymore. We used to be. I don't think we're tough enough anymore. I mean, I see videos on the internet where entire families are afraid to leave their house because a goose is on their front step. You know what I mean? That's a really good point. Gooses do fight dirty.

Geese do fight dirty. Geese, goose, whatever. Yeah, yeah. All right. What are you going to do? I did see one funny joke making the rounds about this whole 100 men versus one gorilla debate. Somebody said, I don't know if 100 men could take down a gorilla, but I know one LeBron could take down 10 gorillas

and suddenly responded, seriously? The dude can't even beat a single aunt. Dude. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too.

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Is this for real? This is supposedly, and we've always had a lot of fun conversation on this radio show and discussing how friggin' mental some parents can be at their kids. sporting events. It's just for real. These are supposedly real, true, unhinged things parents have hollered at a kid's sporting event. Yeah, this is legit. All right. Parents are crazy. I love it. I can't wait to be this parent. I've heard a few things. One very, very disturbing, where other parents had to ask this guy to leave. Yeah. Oh, that level. Yeah. It was bad. Can you share with us what the parent was saying? Yeah. So my, my old,

oldest son, this was a hockey tournament. And I want to say he was probably seven or eight. And there was a guy who he was very, very, very aggressive. And, you know, he was always loud. Everybody knew him. He was loud. And he was kind of a jerk.

And there was one time we're standing by what would be the away team's net. And so, you know, one of the other players goes down and he's telling his kid to stomp on him with his skate. And he wasn't joking. He's like yelling at him. And all these parents are like, dude, these are seven and eight. What are you talking about?

Kill the bastard. They're not even checking. You know what I mean? It's like they're out there doing their thing. And he's trying to essentially eviscerate this young person right there on the ice. It was terrible. And many, many years later now, so again, seven or eight my oldest was. And then we're at a high school game, maybe a senior year.

So he's about 18. And I sat next to this guy and I told my wife afterwards. I'm like, wow, that was a real fun conversation. I wish I would have met him sooner. And she said, you did. That's the guy back in the day that wanted his son to kill another kid. I'm surprised his kid is still playing sports. Well, I think what happened is his son didn't go as far as he expected him to

or he wasn't the star he expected. So he was a little humbled, but he was a different guy. He had settled down. He had completely changed, yeah. No longer calling for amputation on the ice. I never would have guessed it was to say. I didn't recognize him. anyone who played youth sports or if you've gone to watch your kids play youth sports,

you've run into these characters before. Every damn one of us has a story or two. But these supposedly are some of the worst things parents have hollered out during their children's sporting events. Starting with one parent who hollered, take them out at the knees, Jimmy. I don't care if he's six. Have you guys noticed a lot of times it's the moms that are more aggressive? That's certainly more vocal.

Yeah, I've noticed that going to my nephew's hockey games when he played in high schools, especially it got really bad in high school. It was hard to control myself sometimes when somebody would, I guess, hit him dirty, where they would get a penalty and, you know, they'd like absolutely throw him down. And it was really hard to not be that person that immediately stood up and just said, ah, what the F? Like, what the heck is that? I have not experienced that. When I was growing up playing youth hockey, youth football, all that stuff, it was always the dads who were complete donkeys. Well, not all of the dads, but if there was a,

loud mouth, obnoxious a hole in the building. It was always a dude. Our mothers were very well behaved. So I have not experienced that. So with your godson, it's not so much football, but basketball. It seems some of the moms are really going for it. Okay. You can hear everyone so clearly.

That's probably a lot of it, yeah. Oh, yeah. That echo. I sat next to this lady that I'm like, I can't sit next to her anymore. This is so nuts. Did you feel guilt by association? just by sitting next to her. They're going to think I'm with her.

Oh, there's no way I could land her. They'd look at us and go, no, no, no. They're not a couple. But, yeah, she was very, very loud. So, especially when they're really young kids playing youth basketball. It's not like there's a big crowd, right? Everyone can hear everything that each other are saying. Okay, so no, I have not noticed the ladies being buckwild,

but it's been a long, long time since I was playing youth sports. it was always our dads back in the day. But I do have one mom story for you. And this just cracked me up. A family friend of ours. A gal, very funny gal. Her son was readying himself for his very first hockey practice. So he's a mite.

And so we're all hanging out having this conversation and this lady that I know, this gal that I know. There she's standing there with her young son, mite-aged. son and somebody said hey you know little donnie i understand you know tomorrow's your very first hockey practice and right away i could tell this kid was nervous about it he was nervous about it he was like yeah i'm going to go out and play some hockey you know so he was nervous and his mother read the nerves on him as well and she decided to make it worse um she said something like yeah donnie's uh going to be skating tomorrow. First hockey practice. He's a little, he's not the greatest skater just yet. And I said, you know, that's okay, Donnie. You'll get used to it. And you can see how

nervous this kid is to even talk about his first hockey practice. And his own mother turns to him and says, you better not fall down on the ice when you're out there for your first hockey practice. You want to know why? And the kid looks up there and goes, why? And his own mother says, they'll kick your ass. And the kid just, he looked at all of us as if this. Is she telling the truth? They're going to kick my... That was just a frigging riot. She was just merciless with her own child.

MFAST forwarding about 10 years, and I picture that conversation coming from you, Ashley. Yeah, I love that. Elementary School custodian, Jesus said basketball moms are the worst. We call the cops two to three times every season to escort some out. Oh, the cops. I've never seen something where the cops needed to get involved. No, I never experienced that when I played basketball.

I've seen parking lot shouty matches, but no cops ever involved. One of my oldest gal friends had the cops called on her a few years ago at the hockey rink because she punched another mom. Anyway. Probably deserved it. No, she didn't. Well, maybe she did. I've heard conflicting stories as to whether the mom.

A couple of parents are talking about how they've overheard people saying horrible things about their children, you know. And there was one time a member of my family showed up. doesn't show up very often to some of the games. It was not an expert at all in any sport whatsoever, but was talking trash about a particular player. And I'm saying, can you shut up? Can you stop talking? Can you stop talking?

The kid's parent was about two feet away from where we were. And they decided that they were the expert all of a sudden, talking all this trash about this kid. It was a great kid, by the way, and he had a bad game. If you could have came to any other game, you would have noticed this wasn't how he usually plays. And again, we're talking about what, 10, 11, 12-year-old? old kids. Probably, yeah, he was probably even younger, maybe six or seven at this time. That's how you know you're a good adult when you trash talk 11-year-olds behind their back.

Especially since you, I mean, you have no way, you couldn't talk the game at all. Right. But you're also an expert. How about this? See, now, this article is supposedly unhinged things. Sorry, the gas from drinking too much Gatorade. These are supposedly unhinged things parents have. upset at kids sporting events. Is this that bad, Josh? You tell me, because I'm not a parent.

You tell me. You're embarrassing me. I didn't raise a quitter. Is that bad? Well, when you read what happened for the parent to say that, I think, yeah, that's pretty bad. Oh, I missed that. Okay, well, here's the rest of the information.

A mom shouted that at her kid for crying after getting hit in the face with a baseball. Yeah, you could probably. You're right. I did not look at the fine print. Because really, if my kid just upped and quit out on the ball field out of nowhere, I might say, hey, I didn't raise a quitter. Get your ass back out there. But I missed the part where a little girl is hit in the face with a baseball. I'm sorry.

You know what they'll do if you fall down. No, what? They'll kick your ass. Ripper ponytail off. That was yelled At a children's sporting event Strong forearm Jesus said he used to pitch He was a pitcher

And his mom would constantly tell him to throw strikes And he said the silence of the crowd once Heard me answer Yeah, no S That's funny Thanks a lot mom for the genius pinpoint advice On what I'm supposed to do Why didn't any of my coaches teach me that?

Right. In a basketball game in middle school, I think it was 7 or 8th grade. Our star player was a coach's son. This wasn't a situation, Nick, like you say, where, you know, the kid that's coach's kid gets all the preferential treatment. This kid was great. And he had to play every minute of every game. And he was exhausted.

And the coach called time out. His dad called time out. And he's walking to the bench and he goes, oh, I'm so exhausted. And the dad goes, that's why I called time out, dummy. And it was one of those ones who were just echoed through the gym. just dead silent there. All the parents and other players are looking around like, oh, this is awkward.

You know, I certainly have seen a little bit of preferential treatment from folks. Oh, for Christ's sake. It was the worst. But it's actually, I've seen more the opposite where their kid is destroyed. I mean, he's probably because of how it is today, right? Parents aren't going to let you talk trash to their kids. So that's probably a big part of it. But, I mean, he is, all the frustration that's out there on the field is directed right at his kid.

I've seen that so many times. Yeah, maybe times have changed. I mean, sure, when I was growing up, there were plenty of coaches who were extra. I don't want to say hard on, but I can't come up with anything. Sure, I saw plenty of coaches who were extra strict with their son. But the overwhelming majority, it was the coaches who, oh, big surprise, your kid is the starting quarterback? That's a huge surprise. Oh, weird.

Your son is going to be the center on the first line. That's shocking to all of us. There were a few tough ones, but most of them dumped all the preferential treatment on their son. This apparently was set out loud at a ball game. An eight-year-old asked if they could get a snow cone after their baseball game. Can I get a snow cone? And one of the parents said, this is not about fun.

This is about winning. when you're eight and you're playing terrible baseball. I don't want to hear about a snow cone. Losing sight of the main point of things very early. I watched a video yesterday and it was of an 8-U baseball team winning like a so 8-and-under. Oh, you said 8-U. 8-U-8-U-8-and-under baseball team. Yeah, and they were playing in some tournament, and they got first play.

and the parents on the the parents on the side of the field acted like their kids just went to space for the first time. They were hugging each other. One mom was crying. What are you doing?

Because their tiny little kids won the ball game? Yeah. Take it down a knot. All right. Yeah, you know, we've all seen some things. Softball was crazy. I wasn't expecting

that. I thought softball be a little more laid back. I mean, there was one parent there that I thought was going to murder other people. He was so, this was at a South Dakota tournament. I mean, he was like shaking the fences. He was so angry. I don't know what he was. Son of a bitch! He wasn't a part of,

I don't think he was even from Minnesota. I mean, this tournament would get people from around the country. Yeah. And, oh, you played in it? No, we had a chance, we had a chance to, but we didn't end up going. You didn't? Okay. Yeah, I've never seen somebody that angry. at an event. And I have no idea what set them off.

They were on a different field, but I didn't want to be anywhere near this guy. Oh, yeah. Fast pitch traveling softball. That was, that's the one sport I saw the crazy parents at. That was next level. My parents, thankfully,

were not those parents. I never heard them. Every once in a while, because I played catcher, I would hear my dad say something like under his breath just so that I could hear. Like, hey, watch the person at first.

But otherwise, oh, nope, they never said, word, thank God. There was one team, this is back to football, where the dad of the opposing team, he would run up and down the sidelines with his son to encourage him to run faster. I'd never seen that sense. That was sixth grade football for my oldest. There's all types out there. And like I said, we've all got a great story or two. That's what makes the subject so much fun. Tattooed low life, Jesus says, BMX track parents.

So a buddy of mine did that, which I thought was awesome, because that's back, you know, in the mid to late 80s when it was huge. You know, they made the movie Rad, which I was obsessed with. And he was very, very good. I never noticed that there. Maybe it's changed quite a bit. Well, it seems like people are angrier nowadays. The two moments that stand out for me was the dad who climbed over the glass

and down onto the ice to kick our. our asses for the way we were treating his son out on the ice. Was it maybe justified? I mean, obviously, that's way extra that he would do that, but was it really bad how you're treating him? Yeah, I'll tell you. Yeah, I'll tell you, because there's details. The best part about it was when dad piled his fat carcass over the glass

and down onto the ice, he immediately slipped and fell. But here's what was going on. yes, we were relentless with this kid. Every chance we got, we made a run at this prick. What his dad didn't know is that his son was the ultimate bully douchebag in school, in the hallways. And this bully douchebag signed up for hockey, and he wasn't very good at it. And so that was our chance to get even with this son bitch. was when he decided to play hockey,

and we smashed this some bitch's brains in every chance we got. And he had every bit of it coming. This was that kid in your school who would pick on everybody. Well, his dad was not aware of that. His dad, of course, was convinced that his son was God's gift to planet Earth. He had no idea why we were all so brutal to his son on the ice. So you see what I'm saying? It was sure, in his dad's eyes, it was all us.

But the truth was, this kid had it coming. The other that I'll never forget was, and anyone who played youth sports has been in this situation. Again, it was a hockey tryout situation, and it was the final day of tryouts where once you get your gear off, you run out the locker room and you go to the bulletin board to see what team you made. Oh, that was always so stressful. It was. And there was one kid that I played with, let's call him Don Rodney. There was a kid that I played with named Don Rodney, and I like Don.

And I thought Don was a very good player. Well, one parent was not that sold on Don Rodney being an A-team quality player. So we all pour out of the locker room. We race for the bulletin board to see who made what club. And there's my buddy, Don Rodney, on the A-team. and a parent of another kid involved in tryouts, he did not care. He walked up to that bulletin board and he saw Don Rodney on the A team and he goes, in front of everybody, kids, parents, everyone's.

Are you frigging kidding me? Don Rodney on the frigging A team? That kid is terrible. Is this a joke? Don Rodney on the A team. This is unbelievable. That kid sucks. That's harsh.

Couldn't believe it. Don Rodney, not happy. Don Rodney's parents even less happy. Oh, if I was his parents. Oh, my gosh. Next thing you know, it's an FU, FU, moms and dads, F bombing each other.

I just sat there, even though I liked Don and I felt bad for Don, I had the biggest smile on my face. I was saying to myself, this is what makes tryouts worth it right here. Well, the joke was on that original dad who blew up because Don Rodney went on to a very successful NHL career.

Don Rodney. You know him today as Wayne Gretzky. But that was so over the top, just classless, but at the same time, beautiful. Don Rodney's doing well these days, just for the record. He is.

Good. It's good to hear. Glad that didn't traumatize him too much. Oh, and that guy and the dad, the dad who did all the shouting, he's still around two. I saw him a few weeks ago. Is he kind of that type of guy,

or was that just an abnormal event? Oh, no. He was fiery as all hell. on all subjects. Has he chilled out at this point? Well, now he's 85 years old. So, yeah. It doesn't necessarily mean he's chilled down. Yeah, yeah. Last time I saw him, he's not doing

as much screaming and shouting as he used to. When he fell down on the ice, did you guys skate over there and harass him some more? Or did you just let it play out? By the way, these are two separate dads we're talking about. Yeah. So the dad who fell on the ice? Well, I was on the bench when it happened. I just laughed my

nuts up. I don't know if anyone taunted. I don't know. I don't have any memory of any of us taunting that dude's dad. Why are you picking on my kid? You know, he didn't know that his kid was a world-class prick. So there you go. They're gross, they're offensive, and kids on the road see them. F-ass morning show.

Josh, when you were a young buck and you and your classmate bros were all circled up, picking teams for, say, maybe a game of football or some type of activity during a physical education class, Did you ever get picked last? And if so, how hurtful was that experience? If not last, very close to the bottom. Dang, that sucks. Once or twice last. But badminton, I was pretty good at.

So badminton, not so much, but certainly the majority of other athletic events. Football, basketball. Sure, keep going. Soccer, hockey. Yep. You know it was worse of getting picked last when there was an uneven number of kids. And then they make that final pick, and then you're the odd man out.

And they're like, oh, sorry, man. You know, it's five on five. We've got 11. You can't play. Oh, I haven't had that. But I've had the, all right. We'll take Whitney. Yeah.

I've had that. We never picked people based off of their athletic abilities. It was just about who was cool or not. Yeah, either way it hurts, Ashley. It doesn't really matter. That doesn't help. Oh, yeah. Ashley, it's not always 100% about who's going to score you the most goals or get you the most touchdowns.

buddies first. It's usually you take your cool ass buddy so you guys can joke around and be jagoffs. Hurtful to be picked last. Let me give you a heads up on what the social media folks have been going back and forth about because it's cute. What are examples, they say, what are examples of being picked last in gym class as an adult? Do you see what I'm saying to you? Yeah. What are some adult examples of being picked last in gym class as an adult? Do you see what I'm saying? What are some adult examples of being picked last in gym class? All right? I'm sure you can think of a couple right off the top of your head.

How about getting invited out to be the designated driver? Oh, no. I do have a silver friend that, and he always jokes, she goes, did you guys invite me because you want me here? Or did you invite me for a ride? Well, I remember I was pretty excited. One of my neighbors hosts, a poker night. right and he invited me and I thought wow that's so cool uh and he and people are saying well

dude it's because he knows you've played it once and have no idea how to play they're looking for some easy money yeah we call you dead money Josh oh is that it yeah dead money man did that hurt i thought i was one of the guys look at me hanging out the bros nope they just wanted my money no jokes on them i don't have any Doesn't have any. I've never experienced that getting invited out to be the designated driver. That sucks. My friends know me better than that.

You know, I can't say that back in high school, we didn't do that. If we knew there was a kid who wasn't a big drinker, I can't say that we never included them for that very reason. But then again, at the same time, we didn't really pay much attention to drunk driving. back in those days. We didn't, sadly. Stupidly, we didn't. I thought it was pretty cool once. There's a band, local band that used to hang out here quite a bit. Good friends with our promotions director at the time.

I played a few of our shows. And one of the guys, the bass player, he's like, hey, you know, how would you like to come to a party we're hosting? And I thought, wow, I would absolutely love that. That's great. But what he wanted me to do was to operate the stereo. So I wasn't invited like as a friend It was just to run the stereo.

Sucks. He was kind of a dick. You know, if you are, and I know a couple guys who play this role, and I'll give you all the credit in the world, I find it so difficult to be sober and hanging around drunk people. It's my least favorite thing in the world. I find it so difficult. If you can do that, you're a special person.

Oh, I don't know. I think you just get used to it. I mean, that's my situation, right? For no real reason. I just don't drink very often. Well, okay, so you'd say you just get, at first it bothered you, but now you're used to it? It's just always been that way. So, no, I could see how it would.

There's certainly, there's a few people where you think, oh, here we go. I hate it. Do you really? Yeah, I do too. It's awful. You're probably, I'm sure you're right, that I would get used to it. But your brother, your brother's sober now. How does he handle it?

Fine. Yeah, it's probably just being used to it because he's been sober for a very long, As long as I've known him. Oh, 25 years. You don't hear me dump a lot of compliments on him, my brother. But I'll give him all the credit in the world. He can completely, comfortably, happily be a sober guy around a bunch of drunk morons. I can't stand the noise.

I can't stand the stupid jokes. I can't stand the constant repeating that happens. I was going to say that, for me, either the guy that's just so over the top wants to be the super funny guy and does ridiculous stuff that's going to get you in trouble. That's annoying. I would say that's pretty infrequent, but the repeated jokes as if you didn't hear it the first time, that can get annoying. And I'm sure I'm guilty of that when I am drunk.

When I am sober, and when I'm drunk, I don't notice it. When I'm sober, I notice every little friggin detail, and I want to murder these people. If you're a sober person that can hang around drunks, by damn. You are special. A few people are texting in the same thing, you know, the same situation, an example of being picked last in gym class,

but as an adult, as if we have some experience, How about not getting invited to your co-worker's wedding until other more important people drop out? What that would feel like? Gosh, what would that feel like? The three of you wouldn't know. No, we certainly wouldn't. Tell me if you've experienced this. Friends, how many of us have them sing it, Cubby?

Friends. Friends wanting a group photo together. And then they hand you the phone or camera. Friends wanting a group. Would you take this for us? I'd be happy to not be in a photo and do that. But what if it was like you, you're together with your five,

six closest high school buddies? Hey, it's great that we're all together finally after all these years. Let's get a picture. Hey, Josh, take this picture. That would be so rude. I can't imagine that happening. People talking about party plans in front of you,

but not inviting you. What's this? Donnie's house? What time? Hey, how come no one wants to tell me what time we're gathering at Donnie's house? Don't do that. Don't talk about plans in front of people that they're not invited to. Or if you're sitting on the coach watching a game by yourself,

maybe on a Friday or Saturday night, and then you see on social media that all your friends are gathered at a bar watching that same game. Oh. Or they call you when you hear the noise in the background. They're at a freaking house party. You're at a bar with 10, 12 people. Are you watching this game?

Well, yeah, I'm at home alone. You're going to call me. Thanks for the invite. Pest control. Jesus had a friend who invited him to the movies because he had an extra ticket. He was super excited to go and then found out after the movie that he was his fourth choice. The third choice was his dad. I'm below your frigging dad?

Oh. Oh, no. I'll tell you what, I did flip out once in high school because one of my buddies who never had parties had one. Well, it was like, it wasn't like a Friday or Saturday night thing. It was a weeknight gathering drinking beer on a weeknight, on a school night. And I didn't get a phone call. It wasn't huge. Only five, six other people got called.

Hey, come over. Let's drink some beer here on a school night. But I didn't get called. And what I didn't get called in what pissed me off was me and my brother's place where we grew up was the most lawless house in town. You could come over there any time. Drink beer, smoke, cigarettes, chew tobacco. fall asleep on the couch. Our house was lawless, and this buddy of mine was always over at our house. And the one time he has people over, he didn't call me. The next day in school, I laid into this peckerhead

like I was on cocaine or something. I went after this guy, you prick bastard. In the end, we made up. But that offended me. We always had parties, always had people over. If you got kicked out of your house, you could come to our house. And my folks, mom, dad would say, yeah, go ahead. sleep on the couch. But this bastard, I was a little, you know, when you were a kid, that means something to you. Yeah, I could see that being hurtful. By the way, and I want to apologize. I shared the story about being very excited to be invited to my first ever poker night with one of my neighbors who throws this party, and it seems like everybody's having fun, camaraderie being one of the boys, and then had somebody had ruined it for me and said, well, they want to take your money. They know

you're a sucker. Now, a few people are texting and said, oh no, they were in the same spot, and they just found out they were the sucker at that point. I'm sorry to do that to you. I know how much it sucked when I found that out. It has to be one. I didn't mean to put that on anybody else. You're opening people's eyes to some of the hurtful things that they never noticed in the first place. Yeah, that's terrible.

Okay, again, this conversation is adult examples of being picked last in gym class. I just thought of a great one that happened to me at the Metrodome. It's about 20, 21 years old. There's a student night game at the... for a Twins game, you know, the upper deck was, you know, dollar beer, whatever it was, you know, and five or six, seven, eight rows in front of me. I see an old bro from high school.

A guy hadn't seen since we graduated. Very good pals. I'm like, oh, man, you know, Sam's here. I nudged my buddies, that's Sam? Yeah, that's Sam. So I pull up my cell phone because it was so loud in there, and I call him. I'm like, oh, he's going to be so surprised.

I'm going to wave, hey, look behind you. I see him. He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket, looks at it. Now, just puts it right back in the pocket. I don't do that for that very, Fear of that, like somebody, watching somebody do that. Oh, it's so devastating. All right, Jacob, Texas.

It took me a second to understand this, but this is good. How about when the wife tries to reassure you about your penis size by saying, hey, you know what, at least you're bigger than all your friends. That's got to be a hey-thay moment. Some of these are very similar. Just changed the situation very slightly. Everyone going out for lunch at work, but not asking you to, finding out that your friends went out of town without calling or texting you,

or when your friend who lives out of town comes back for a few days and doesn't bother to tell you. Yeah, especially if you think you're close. Being sat at the random's table at a wedding. I guess I've never noticed what the label is, what the, I'm missing a word, what the... Yeah, I wouldn't know what a social... was why I would just assume, you know, the people that all know each other go in certain tables. And if you don't know each other, you're going to different ones. Yeah, you shouldn't let that bother you because for the most part, it's because it can be because you don't have a plus one, somebody else with you.

So there was an extra table at my wedding where like the people I sat, the people that didn't have a plus one. Yeah, little singles mix. Yeah, there you go. You can be friends with each other. Sure, that makes sense. I've never sat down at a wedding and thought, oh, I'm at the this table or the that table. I didn't know that was a thing. I wouldn't want to be sat at the table with all the aunts or the uncles

or a big friend group that I didn't know. That would suck. I'm hoping that no family shows up, actually, Ashley. Here are a few more examples. We talked about, you know, getting invited out, but you're the designated driver. Friends want a group picture together. They hand you the friggin' camera.

hilarious. People talking about party plans in front of you but not inviting you. All right. How about this? Oh, wow. This is an interesting one. Really is. I wouldn't think much of this.

It says here, when you're the one who always has to drop behind when the path is too narrow for three people or four people. Do you see what I'm saying? I never would have thought of that. I'm that guy. You are that guy? Yeah, absolutely. That's surprising me because you walk fast. You're a fast walker, very pigeon-toed.

Yeah, I am. And duck-toed. So you don't end up walking shoulder-toe with the friends. You drop behind. Yeah, like if somebody's coming the other way and we got to thin the herd a little bit, yeah, I'll drop behind. They merge in front of you and leave you. Well, that's not right.

This is a good one. And it's funny that this comes up from Millennial Steel Cutter Jesus because I just had this thought last night. I was at the Wild Game with my family. family, and I noticed, like, the young people in my life, they've got all these group texts that they're a part of. And I'm only a part of one, and that's with you guys. Oh, really? You're the only group text that I have. And so he said, he thought of one here, millennial steel cutter Jesus, when your friends have a group chat together and you're not in it

and then find out about it. That would suck. If you're a younger person, maybe that's, you're sensitive to that kind of a thing. Is everyone in a bunch of group chats? Oh, yeah. Yep. They fire off nonstop all day. Oh, that might be annoying. No, I love it. It's a lot of work. That stuff is a lot of work.

You can just turn notifications off, Josh. It helps. Yeah, just with you guys. Cubby, no one ate your dish at the potluck. That's another. I always eat a little everything for that reason, just to make sure nobody thinks. That's so nice of you.

I wasted a couple hours here. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings, but I guess that's another adult version of being picked last. in gym class. Nobody eats what you brought to the stinking potluck. Ashley, your pasta salad's bomb, though. I bet that goes quick everywhere. Thank you. Yeah, I try to make the fan favorites when I do a potluck. That's for sure. Because that would absolutely break my heart of people to eat my food. Yeah, the potluck isn't the time to get cocky with the recipe.

You know what else hurts the feelings of some adults when you've met someone multiple times and they still say, hey, nice to meet you. Oh, I'm so bad at this because I recognize faces more than names and I hate when I forget somebody's name because then they make they make it seem like I just don't remember meeting them. Oh, I hate that. That's why you never say it's nice to meet you. You always say it's nice to see you. Oh, that's so smart. This just happened to me two days ago. I shook this guy's hand. I was like, oh yeah, I'm Ashley. It's nice to meet you. He's like, yeah, we've met before. How about this? This recently happened to me where I gave a very enthusiastic greeting to somebody who I thought was somebody else.

I had never met that person. I think I really weirded them out. It looked, it was a spinning image of somebody else I knew, and I was very enthusiastic. We've all been there. Here's a few takes now from our beautiful listening audience. The little hurtful things that happen as adults, it kind of feels similar to when you picked last in gym class,

pizza crust, Jesus. This is a... This is a cool one. A cool one that's not the right way to put it. This is very unique, very unique. How about not getting inviting? Inviting isn't... How about not getting invited to your best friend's wedding

because your ex-wife won the couple in a divorce? Oh, man. Oh, that sucks for you. Does he mean what I think he means where, you know, his wife, hey look you're not hanging out with these two anymore they're mine oh I just assumed that the friends picked the wife

that's what I was assuming too yeah the friends chose the wife over him maybe not maybe I okay it's usually the friends call okay I was undefeated in my divorce by the way were you oh I would be all defeated my wife would be picked by everybody for sure that's an interesting one so it's your best

friend but they picked your ex over you Okay, okay, now I'm following this. So, oh, how about this one? This one would suck. My wife, this person says, my wife has a fairly big family. She asked her four brothers if they should all go to the fair. No reply, but then found out the rest of the family went and they weren't included.

It was her idea. What the heck? Oh, man. Being picked to be in a porno video, but you're the husband that leaves for work. My big break. The clothes never come off. I mentioned earlier, I'm impressed by sober people because this came into play, right? People invite you out, but then they want you to be the designated driver.

Oh, great, that's all I'm good for is to drive you drunks around it. I mentioned earlier, I'm impressed by sober people who can hang out with drunks. I can't do it. I hate it. And I instantly want out of that situation. Here's a listener who texted in and said he's got a buddy who quit drunk. drinking a couple years ago, he still hangs out but tends to tap out a whole lot earlier than he used to. Yeah, because he knows what's coming. He knows what's coming. It's going to get louder.

The stories are going to get stupider. Midnight pickle Jesus says this, hey, can't be the designated driver if you show up drunk. There you know. Well, I know a guy who bought a pickup truck that didn't have a back seat simply so he wouldn't have to be a designated driver. or give people rides around town. So no one would ask me to be a designated driver. Brilliant. My dad always gave me that advice. He said, if you ever buy a truck,

make sure that it doesn't have a really big bed and that it just has a bench seat. I had a four-door pickup there cubby for about three years, and those were three very nerve-wracking years. I kept waiting for that phone call where we were all going to go somewhere, and they'd say, well, you've got a big vehicle. You hate driving, especially.

One more here, calibration, Jesus, as far as getting your feelings hurt as an adult, kind of like gym class when you get picked last. How about when you hear this, Josh? Sure, you can come too, I mean, if you want. I mean, I know you're super busy. Yeah. And you probably have other things going on.

I've been guilty of using that line before, but not on purpose just because that was just the way to say it, I guess. And I've corrected myself. Now I say, yeah, I really, I want you to come. You should be there. Oh, no. Now I'm going to realize. Is that with your baby shower when you said that to me?

Do you really mean just send a gift? Don't show up? No, that's more like I don't want to make you guys go to Coon Rapids if you don't want to. Nobody wants to go to Coon Rapids. Thank you very much for your text. You made this subject even more fun than it had the potential to be our listing audience. Always great with the text messages. We appreciate that.

I appreciate the vulnerability. I love that. Yeah, no doubt about it. I'm right there with you. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early.

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favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. If you thought you had a disgusting habit or two, go ahead and compare it to this effing guy in China. 651-989-93-93.

Be honest with us. What's your nastiest habit? Your most disgusting habit. Send it off. No judging. We all have gross habits. 651-9-9-933. What's your grossest, nastiest habit? I know there's going to be some of these.

I'm not going to want to read out loud. But I'll go ahead anyway for the sake of the program. Think about it. Send it in. While I tell you about this middle-aged feller, he is in China, he hauled himself into the hospital. He had a bad cough. Some bitch wouldn't go away.

He'd been guzzling cough syrup. Didn't help. His eyes were also bloodshot when he showed up at the hospital. Doctors dumped some scans on the guy. You know how they'll give you a scan or two, Josh? Oh, yeah. They dumped some scans on the guy, and they found a mass in his lower right lung. It wasn't cancer.

Turns out he had a serious fungal infection in his lungs. And this Chinese dude caught that fungal infection by God from sniffing his own dirty socks. He admitted that he'd gotten into the habit of huffing his socks after a long day at work right before he'd toss him into the dirty lawn. He'd just kind of a thing on his dam. On his socks. Is there such a thing as athletes' lung?

Must be. He's getting a fungal infection in there. It says here, technically, the fungus that they found, Lodged in his lung was different than athlete's foot fungus. He responded to antifungal medication called stri-reachland straw. And he's a lot, the side effects. They're almost worse. He is, as of today, he is alive and well.

Why would a guy want to inhale his own dirty socks? Yeah, that's weird. Usually those sniffers are, you know, other people's. clothing. Right. Right. Drawers and such. 651, 989, 93.

Now that you know this Chinese guy's story, what is your nastiest, most disgusting habit? If you don't want to include your name, you don't have to. This guy would pick up his sweaty socks after a long day at work and just, oh, he'd just take it all in. Does this qualify a person likes to scrape the underside of their big toe, a big toenail and then smell it? Does that qualify?

Yep, I'd say so, yeah. Hang on a second. A lot of nose pickers. Oh, he would scrape. Yeah, he would scrape whatever comes out of the underside of his big toenail. And then sniff it. Oh, God. Yeah, that makes me nauseated.

Uh-huh. Again, you missed the topic. We're talking about gross habits you might have. That's what we're trying to share. That doesn't qualify. Oh, God. I was a big fingernail, uh, chew. offer for the majority of my life. I don't know if that.

You didn't eat them, did you? Qualified. No, eat them. I know people that eat them. Eat your fingernails. Yeah, we got a couple texts that said they eat them. Eat. That'll tear your guts right out from under you. Somebody else said they eat the skin around their fingernails. Oh, I do that. I'm guilty of that. You eat it? Yeah. Like you could, you swallow it. Yeah. It's small. It's not like I'm taking off big chunks. You know, it's small enough. It kind of just disappears. Or my lips. I eat the heck out of my lips. You were lip eater? Gosh, yeah. Shotgun Messiah Jesus likes to chew toenails, but other people is not his own. Oh, that's okay then. Somebody admitted to waffle stomping in the list in the audience.

They're joking. They don't waffle stomping. Nobody ever waffle stomped. There's some nose pickers, and then they eat it. Not showering after the night shift and going straight to bed from cop that uses fuzzy cuffs, Jesus. What the hell's gross about that? Yeah, I don't think that's gross. I mean, I know some people, um, like we used to. to work with a guy whose wife wouldn't let him go to bed until he showered? He had to shower every night before. I'm a shower in the morning type of person, so. I'm a shower whenever the hell I get around to it type of person.

Yeah, you're right. What the hell? We're all grown now. That's how I am too. Okay, well, we see the text piling in. Go ahead. A lot of the same, what people are calling nasty habits have come in. I've noticed. People mention nail biters. Yeah. Sit popping, whether on themselves or other people. I skipped a lot of the boogers.

related habits. There's a lot of those. It's so common. It goes without saying, I think. A lot of you are bugger pickers and booger eaters. I didn't want to get into it. But you're right. There's a lot of similar answers.

Finger nail related. Josh, just read one now. I can't. I can tell that caused you a certain amount of pain. Yeah, sorry. Sometimes it's like a punch to the stomach. So here are some of the answers that I received on my end, on our text machine, 651, 989, 93, on our listeners' terrible habits.

One of them says, if my mustache hair gets a little too long and curls under my lip, I will chew it off and swallow it. Doesn't really trouble me too much. No. I mean, there's probably a lot of terrible things in the average cookie duster. I think it's kind of gross. And he's chewing that and swallowing. You think that's kind of gross?

Yeah, I mean, they must agree if they text that in on the top. Right. Now here's some of that pimple popping. I know it's very popular. There's television shows dedicated to this. There is not a chance in hell. I could watch two seconds of any of those pimple popping programs. I don't know what the hell attracts anyone to that stuff. I've heard these kind of stories before. Here's a lady who will pop her husband's back pimples. Please stop doing that. Some people love it. Ashley, you're one of them. Yeah, I have no problem with that. A friend of mine growing up, his mother would do that form, and I just thought it was the most repulsive thing. Can I tell you guys something that I wasn't sure if I would ever tell you, but now I feel like I should?

Well, with that kind of a setup, of course. I was doing that not too long ago to my wonderful fiancé. That's enough. And it got in my eye. Oh, no. Oh, you know, that changed things. Stop. Please, please.

I want to go home. We need a palate cleanser. That's really gross. Like this one from short but fat, she says her uncle, when he used to get sunburned, and it would start to peel his stepmom used to eat it. Oh.

Oh. I do love peeling sunburn, but I don't eat the skin. What about somebody else's? Come on. No. Come on. The lady would peel the skin off the guy,

and then she would eat it. That's what this guy. Brother or sister, I'm imagining that's the combo there. Ashley, please don't, what you just said, if you please don't ever bring that up again. That is so friggin' sickening. Here's a guy who says, hey, look, I like to go down on a woman once in a while, and guess what?

I like it. Good for you. I do quite a bit. Adaboy. I don't think that's gross. I mean, there's people saying some other sexual stuff that they like to do that's a little much. for me. Oh, the second door down there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw a couple of those.

There's nothing wrong with that. To each their own. Here's the guy who says, I'm able to listen to 93X after 9 a.m. Oh. What? It's just a joke. It's a freaking joke. Duck butter Jesus has a question. Anyone out there into smegma? I don't know what that is anymore. Maybe when I was a kid, I knew what that is. Do I don't want to know what that is? Probably not. Disgusting habits we're talking about here on the program. program. Listeners texting in their disgusting habits. Oh, well, Ashley mentioned earlier, and I think this is very common. A lot of folks kind of chew on their finger. Isn't there a term

for it, the skin around your fingernails? Like your cuticles? Cuticles. That's it, Josh. Thank you. A lot of folks chew on that part of their finger. Ashley would then swallow it. All right. Now, Josh, this must have been, someone must have been trading text messages with this individual because he talks about chewing off his cuticles, and someone asked him, well, do you spit it out or do you swallow it? Ha, ha, ha, very funny. And he says, no, neither. He takes that skin, and he just puts it in his skin box. Oh, someone makes it worse.

Yeah, I agree. He has a little box for safekeeping for the skin. He just, he doesn't, he doesn't swallow it, doesn't spit it out. He puts it in the skin box for later. Do you mind if I have some of these dried banana chips? No, no, no, no, that's the skin box. You want the trail mix box. We have a listener who owns a skin box.

And I think that's incredible. There's people that have all, they like to smell all kinds of things, whether that's digging in their belly button, you know, rubbing their armpits, that kind of stuff. Sure. I do remember being a junior high kid or a high school kid or somewhere's in there,

and someone bringing up, they said, do you realize how bad your belly button smells? And I said, well, we're throwing insults back and forth, huh? And the guy said, no, no, no, I don't mean you, I said, he said, everybody, do you realize how much anyone's belly, and I said, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

And he said, God, put your finger with, and I did, and I smelled it. And I said, oh, no kidding. I wash mine when I shower. You wash your belly button? Yes, I'll take care of that. Really? Reluctantly, because I don't like the feeling, but I do, too. Oh, I never go near that poor thing.

I get harassed for the lint in my belly button on a weekly basis. Why do you got so much lint in your belly button? I don't know. I'm not trying to do it, actually. It just happens. Do you have a very deep any? I guess. But I remember I was not disgusted by this when I first learned that everyone's belly button smells like a garbage can.

I wasn't so grossed out by it. I was quite fascinated. I thought, well, by God, I've had it sitting down there the whole time and I never knew this. Underwhelmingly optimistic Jesus wants to know back to the guy with the skin box. How many does he keep? Is it three skins, four skins? Ashley had a full load of Gatorade in her yapper when you, and she, almost spit it all over her computer.

Let's see, some of this stuff is just so bad. Not as bad as what Ashley said. But this is, well, maybe this is worse. I don't know. It's all the same. A lady listener says, When my husband pisses me off, I wait for a good fart and then I let it rip right in his face.

Please tell me you're joking. Ashley, your thoughts. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. Bug-Eye way? in Jesus, he said he's been told this is gross by a lot of people, but he likes it. He drinks the juice that's left over in the bottom of a bag of brats. Oh, dude.

Come on, no. If you want to try it out, here's his recommendation, the Johnsonville Better Cheddar Brots. No, you do not. That's the juice you want to drink. Don't do that. God dang. I'm going to be tempted to try that. Oh, yeah.

That's so bad. No. That's really bad. That's strange. Danny, you love weiner juice. I do love weiner juice, Josh. Well, I've seen it in person. Oh, you've seen, I've never seen something to do that.

No, no, not exactly that. I'm just leading up to something similar. I've seen this in person is how I should have said it. Usually I use his name when telling stories about him, but this time I feel like leaving it out. Because it's one of the only things that he does that just bothers me. If we go out for wings, you know, 10, 12 guys sitting in a circle, plate after plate by the end of the night,

plate after plate of emptiness. You know, the wings used to be there. Now they're not because we chomp them up. This dude will lick the plates. Yeah, it's going a little far. I love wings. I love wings sauce as much as the next guy, but I'm not licking plates.

Terrible. Does he have any shame? I'd be embarrassed to do that in front of my buddies. No, he shows it off, Josh. He shows it off. You think he's cute. Oh, I know then. Yeah, you know who you think he's cute.

I bet there'd be some people that would want to watch him do that. I can imagine you get to. crowd of ladies pretty interested. God, there's no ladies interested in that. One of our listeners sleeps with a chew in his mouth every night. Why do you do that? You spit it out onto the floor on your bedroom floor. I don't think that's gross.

I yell at my... Well, the end result of it is, Josh. You know what I'm saying? Like when you wake up the next day? It's gross. You're going to choke. I yell at my fiancé all the time because he'll put a Zen in. I mean, that's much more safe than putting loose tobacco in your mouth.

but I'm like, dude, that can't be good for you. This is great. This text, Christ Almighty. This is disgusting. And that is from scene clean Jesus. Whoa. Who has a very important and I'd imagine very difficult job with what he has to see cleaning up some terrible scenes.

All day long. And he's grossed up by this conversation. All day long, he's dangling with brain matter and semen and blood. And this is too much for him. And sometimes even oozing. sweat maybe. Ah, I don't like that. I feel like I'm bleeding, clear stuff.

Here's a fellow who works in the plumbing industry, and he says sometimes I don't wash my hands after cleaning a sewer line. It gives my sandwich a little extra pop. I had a plumber. We had a clog drain, not a shower, sink drain in a bathroom. Sure. And he's like, oh, I see what's going on. And he pulled out just like this goopy, black, hairy.

everything was just disgusting. He was with his hands. Yeah. He just went for it. They grow accustomed and callous to the operation. I'm not that brave. Evil garbage man, Jesus. He says, I see some sick and smell some terrible things, but this topic is awful.

We get it. Now, a lot of these poor habits, disgusting habits that we asked our listeners to text us in and tell us about, a lot of them, quite off-putting. No offense to those of you You know who we've read your text already But none of them so far are wildly unique This here very unique After I shower a listener says I dry my butt crack

With clothes from the dirty clothes hamper Because I don't want to have the butt Matter on the towel You see what he's saying? there? Oh, like after the shower? Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't want to get any of his butt matter on the towel because he's going to dry the rest of his body with that towel, maybe even his

face, so he dries his ass with dirty clothes from the dirty clothes hamper. But you're getting dirty clothes on your butt. Yes, he is. I mean... I guess, I mean, I get it. Question. Yes, Josh. Is it possible to dry everything else first?

Then use the towel. I'm assuming they want to reuse the towel. Yeah, they're a towel. Yeah, they're a towel reuse. Where you were going with that was very clever. But I imagine it's the he won't use a towel after ass contacts the towel. It's a good way to avoid pink eye. I work from the top down.

You do. But I don't get in between. No, me either. You guys flossing back down with the time. Oh, yeah, you get up in there. You do? Oh, for Christ's sake. No, I don't.

Another one that's quite you. On my way home from work, sometimes I'll just do the farmers blow all over myself knowing my clothes are going straight into the laundry. What if you have to stop for gas or something? That's a little on the gross side. What if you run into an old friend, you want to have a conversation? Farmers blow all over yourself. It's gross around here. Nasty habits.

That's been our chosen topic of conversation this morning. Everyone goes home a winner, right, Josh, when we're talking disgusting habits. Yeah, it's fun. I try not to be, I try not to be too gross in my daily activities. Is there anything that I do in front of you folks that you'd like me to stop? No, I mean, I could think of a gross habit. It doesn't personally gross me out, but I know it's affected other people. You get chew spit everywhere when you spit stuff out.

Like, look at that table as crusted. Bro, your laptop. What's going on? Can you see your laptop? I just want to clean it for you. Can I clean it for you? I mean, that table is so crusty. And it's not like you're using a thin spitter, you know, like a 20-owned pop bottle where there's a narrow entryway.

You're using a garbage can. So the obvious answer is there's someone else in the building who sits in this chair. After I leave here, there's someone else in this building who's making a mess of things. Did you notice that table before? I don't notice anything. No, you're like, oh, wait. I mean, that is covered. He started this by saying I tried not to be too disgusting.

Like I said, it doesn't bother me. I'm fine with it. But if we're going to point one out, that'd be one. I try to corral my sneezes. But that's very difficult for me to do. Don't hold those back. They're too big. Well, no, I would never hold them back.

I'm talking about, you know, because I get a lot of grief at home for sneezing into my hands or just launching it into the atmosphere. You know, I'm trying to tuck my face into my elbow the way everyone's been doing it since COVID hit time. That's difficult for me to, because they come on so fast. Well, yeah, and yours are so violent. I mean, I'm worried you're going to blow your arm off. Yeah. Can't believe I still have all of my teeth in my yapper. Okay, some of the text messages that have come in, let's wrap this up. Our listeners have been texting. in their terrible habits.

Now, this isn't so much a habit, but something gross that a listener witnessed. What's the name at everyone's neighborhood bar? It never happens, but it's a thing. It's a topic of conversation now and again. The bartender is going to take all the juice from the bar rail and put it in a glass and then you drink it. I've heard it called the Jersey Turnpike. Okay, we'll go with that.

I've done that before. You actually have? Yeah, I mean, I didn't really think of it as that much of a big deal, though. Do you understand what we're talking about? Yeah, I know what you're talking about. They take the bar rail mats, the rubber mats, and they put, you don't think of that as a big deal? No, because it's just spilled booze. Yeah, and.

I mean, when I was a bartender, the only thing that would go on top of those were clean glasses so that you could make a drink. So there's no chance that anything else got in there, spit or boogers or anything like there's no chance. I don't think there was a chance of spit or anything like that. the places that I worked. Whatever people had on their hands. You don't look at that as disgusting to drink. No, no, why did you do this just because you were young and someone dared you? Yeah.

So you watched the bartender pour those rubber rails into a glass. You're still looking at me as if I'm crazy treating this like a, Josh, is that disgusting? I find it kind of gross. I never really thought much of it. I was the one that was bartending, so I guess maybe I knew it was clean. What did it taste? But it's not clean. It just tasted like a nail polish remover.

just like, you know, mixed. Ew. It's horrible. Alcohol, vodka taste. When I was a kid, I used to go down the line at the pop machine, right? You know, mix everything together? Yeah, that's so much fun. Yeah, I loved it.

But I don't think, you know how they've got the tray underneath there? I don't think I'd ever scoop up the remnant of the tray. Oh, yeah. Assuming that's the same thing. Isn't it amazing what some people treat so nonchalantly and others would backpedal away from as fast as they can? I guess maybe the thought process was alcohol strong. Maybe it kills some of the germs.

I mean, to me that seems kind of gross. Yeah, when you think about the soda machine in that way, yeah, you're right, Josh. Anything could have been in that swale that you drank, and you were sitting here up until this very moment, you just thought of it as an odd drink that you ordered. Yeah, just another day. What about, let's say it like an ice cream machine, you know? You watch go to like where they have twist cones. Or think about that like at a dairy queen.

It kind of piles up in the bottom. The bar rail special, most folks are calling it. A biological Jesus. The drip mat special, maybe you call it. He says once they did this at the bar, they had someone drink the bar rail juice. And it had a bee in it. Jesus.

I mean, that's the other thing. Flies are in, could be in their ants. Well, maybe they'd start a whole new, whole new, type of alcohol. Because he got the worm and the tequila, right? Doesn't one have a scorpion in it? That sounds right. I thought there was some sort of alcohol that has scorpion in it. All right. That's crazy.

It took us five minutes to talk you into the idea that that's disgusting. You know, people have been blowing their luggies. What about sharing Kleenex? Oh, I got that one. Parents are gross. Yeah, that was a parent that said they do that with their kid. Oh, the old rewashable one or something? Are you talking about just one kid to the next to use the same Kleenex?

Well, no, he said or he or she said that they used the same one their kid used. Oh, gross. Right. You have your little kid blow their nose into the rag and then you use it too. What's the matter with you? Too clean seal coating. Jesus says, when the heck did we get ice cream? I got to love that line.

93X half-assed morning show. I wouldn't have sex with you if I was. Darwin and your wiener was a ham sandwich. 93X rocks. Does anyone know what's behind this? I'm seeing a lot of talk about bathroom etiquette lately. Ashley sent a couple things on. I guess that's all I've seen.

All right. Let me give you the rundown here. Every bathroom should have some type of music playing at all times. They're referring to, I guess, public bathrooms for the noises. for the noises that we make. I saw a conversation on the weirdest things people have seen in a private bathroom. I've seen an argument online about how half of Americans,

if not more than half of Americans, want, again with this conversation, bathroom stalls with no gaps. And what was the other? When you go into a store and use their bathroom, do you buy something on your way? out of guilt. Okay.

And a conversation on urinal splashback. Oh, I get so much of that. I don't doubt that, Josh. I know. I've changed my aim. I've stood different lengths

from the urinal, and I can't figure it out. It's just too strong. I'm coated in your, it's my narrow urethra. I'm coated in it. Honestly, sometimes I'll be near the bathroom. I'm like, is there somebody in there's a janitor

and there spraying a hose into the urinal? What's going on in there? That's some serious pressure. Yeah, Nick sounds like he's emptying a bucket. And I've got a pressure washer down there. Yeah, everybody's different. Okay, let's go in reverse order then from what I've already brought up. A study was done on the best way to avoid urinal splashback.

Not something that I worry about. You know, you notice it once or twice, but, you know. Not going to kill you. It doesn't trouble me too much. You wash your hands. You move on with your life. But according to this study, It's all about the angle by God, Josh, of the dangle.

I know there was live science, I think it was. Earlier in the month, they released an article talking about a company that's working on urinal designs that will avoid the splashback. They're trying to figure this out. Science is stepping in. Okay, thank God. I would imagine that the urinal might be made with a bit of a bode design. Do you understand the words that are? Is that the proper...

You're describing something, sure. Am I making any sense, though? Yeah, yeah. Where the back of the urinal would have some give to it, some bend to it, that would make sense to me. And I'm no scientist, but it's about the angle. I mean, some of them are just not necessarily even bowed, but just oddly shaped. One of them looked like you're peeing into a V, it looks like. So there's more urinal.

It's not as open, right? It's more of a glory hole, really, is what it is. So there's less space there to bounce back. Have you guys ever been in a bathroom where they get too creative with the urinal? Not that I've ever noticed. I've never seen a creative urinal. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if they get all fancy with the shapes every now and then.

I mean, I've seen the ones that are walled the floor. Right. Or the troughs, certainly. But as far as... Ball the floor. Oh, are those more dirty than you show? Well, they're more dirty for your feet. Oh.

Yeah, you don't want to be wearing flip-flops into that, John. Doesn't bother me. But anyway, other than what Josh mentioned, no, I've barely noticed the design of, I mean, I just haul it out, push, and walk away. I don't spend much time paying attention to the design. But work on your angle, Josh. Yeah. By directing the urine stream to hit the urinal surface at an angle that bring a protractor with you, I guess. By directing the urine stream to hit the urinal surface at an angle of less than 30.

degrees, splashback is reduced by 95% compared to a perpendicular impact. Sure, I've tried it. I'm saying there's always some splashback varying degrees. Eastbound at sundown cheese, it recommends I just try peeing in the next urinal over. You think the other guy will mind? No, he'll be all right. He'll understand. Let's say you pop into a public gas station, restaurant, whatever, just.

you use the bathroom? Do you buy something on your way out out of guilt or do you just leave? I'll answer first. I just leave. I only ever go to a gas station if I have to use the restroom when I'm driving around and no, I don't feel like you have to buy something at a gas station. No. Depends on how many people

are in there. If it's just me and the gas station attendant, I'm going to buy some bubble gum. Yeah. And it depends on what just happened in that bathroom too. Sympathy purchase. Yeah. Well, you know, I just smoked this place. Oh, the least I could do is buy a mountain dew.

They're used to that. So, Josh, you say, if it's just you and the gas station attendant, you'll buy something. And that's strictly out of guilt? Yeah, or just that slash respect, I guess. I don't know. So you don't look creepy? Yeah. All you've done is walking in and out of the bathroom.

I came in here to take a leak. Because it's kind of embarrassing about, hey, the sole purpose I walked into this joint was to take a big dump and leave. I do feel guilty about that. So I will buy something, too. All right, there you go. Depends where it is, some people are saying. Restaurant or coffee shop, you always buy something.

Anywhere that's part of a big chain, like say a McDonald's, you just walk out. I don't know the difference. I don't understand the difference there. Yeah, I'd be less likely at a restaurant, I think. Yeah, what am I supposed to do? Get more people. Wait around for a BLT, just because I... want public bathroom stalls with no gaps.

Boy, we are, we're nervous. We're so shy now. Maybe there's just too many weird folks out there. Maybe that's part of it. Could be. I do point that out if I go to a bathroom that has like full doors like that. Usually if I leave, I tell the person I'm with, oh, yeah, they have really nice bathrooms. They have like, full doors, no cracks.

So I guess there's obviously something to that for me. Boy, I've only seen a couple of those where there's no. gap in it whatsoever. The only time I ever saw was when I traveled to England, the only time I ever left the country, and I was blown away. I'm like, this is luxurious. This is like my own little private room. That's how you know it's fancy. Yeah. So you're talking about, you know, you're talking about a whole room to yourself with a real door. Yeah, it's like a door to a closet with a toilet in it. Okay, sure. There's, there's, you run into those once in a while,

but we're talking about just regular standard public bathrooms. It's impossible to build those sections without gaps. Right? No, I just was at a car dealership two weekends ago and they had doors like that in the bathroom. Yeah, I've seen it a couple times. Oh, all right. Just gapless doors. Many of us, hell, a great majority of Americans, they don't feel like they have enough

privacy in public bathrooms. So they want to find a way to eliminate the gaps in all bathroom stalls. I don't. That's never bothered me. No, I don't get, this is not a concern of mine. If someone wants to peek on me while I'm sitting on the toilet, that's your problem. How else can I make eye contact with the person? If there's no gaps.

Well, we've heard stories too about the people that are so self-conscious, but at work that they bring a separate pair of shoes to bring into the stall, their poop shoes. So if something looks down and they won't recognize that it's them pooping because they have different shoes on. Well, there's a poop bathroom here. I mean, it seems like folks, use the back bathroom for that. Oh yeah, 100%. Oh, is that right? I didn't think that

back bathroom was a thing anymore. It's not supposed to be used, but it is used for number two. Really? Yeah. Oh, well, I'm still going to use the one up front so everyone gets a dose of what I had for dinner last night. People are different. You know,

what happened to you as a kid that you have so much bathroom shame or why are you so afraid of that situation? Were your parents mean to you about your bathroom habits or something? I'm just asking. I'm just curious. I remember one of the funniest things I ever saw in a public bathroom was out at a concert one night, a little club.

And my brother had this gal hanging all over him one night, or on this particular night, I should say. My brother had this intoxicated woman hanging all over him. And they had the, what's the word I used, Josh? They had the both, and anyone can go into the same bathroom. What do they call that? Well, there's the family bathroom or unisex? Unisex, thank you. That's the word I was going for.

They had the unisex bathrooms going at this joint. So I walked in at one point to take a squeege. And they had real doors on the stalls like you guys were saying. You run into those rarely, but real doors on the stalls. Unfortunately, since this was a nightclub, you know, some drunks had damaged these doors over the years, and there was just a broken piece in this door, and I could see through it as I was walking in to use one of the urinals. As I'm walking past, I see through this closed stall door, and I see my brother's clothing, so I know he's in there.

And I could see well enough to notice that this gal was on her. knees. I saw her in there too. So it's my brother and this gal, and she's on her knees. And I thought, well, business is picking up around here. My brother decided to get a BJ in the bathroom, right? I went over and did my business and got the hell out of there because it's not my business what's going on in that stall with my brother and this drunk lady. I went back to watching this concert. Ten minutes later, my brother comes around in the corner and I said, well, someone's having a good night tonight and he says what are he talking about he looks behind himself what are you talking about i said well i walked in and take a squeege there i saw what was going on and the and he goes no no no

she was throwing up i was holding their freaking hair back for it sucks we have we have a we have a convenience store worker who is taxed in half beat me she's this on her thoughts on using the bathroom and whether or not you buy something yeah so i work at a gas station in fact i just open. Honestly, I would much rather someone came in and used the bathroom and not buy something than buy something because now I've got to sit and watch you to see what you're doing and if you're not stealing

or whatever the hell it is that we're supposed to do. Usually I much rather you come in, use it and leave. Okay. I thought she was going to go the route where she doesn't want you going into the bathroom and then buying something because then she could be possibly dealing

with someone that has poo hands. Yeah, I was thinking it was going that way. You're trading money. All right. More anxiety than hair Jesus said he likes to buy something because he's afraid if he just goes in. I've had this fear, too. If he just goes into the bathroom and leaves, somebody might think he was shoplifting something. Well, but if he isn't, who cares if someone thinks that, you know?

I was followed around by a manager at a shoe store because she totally thought I was shoplifting something. Were you shoplifting? No, not at all. I despise shopping. I don't like doing it. But I had to get some shoes for actually a Randy Shep. shaver event. So I went in and I grabbed a pair of shoes and some socks. It was a tap dancing event?

Yeah, you bought some tap. Yeah, I could, I actually, I moved to the Wednesday class. It's the more advanced class. That's a different story. You bought shoes and socks. I bought shoes and I just walked straight up to, I mean, I didn't do any look. Like as I walked in, I saw shoes and went, oh, those will work. And I grabbed my size, grabbed like six pairs of socks. I needed more, or not six, like six packages of socks. Sure. Needed more socks and walked. And she's like, hey, can I help you?

And I was like, no, no, I'm good, whatever. And so as I was walking around, she followed me the whole time. And now, as you know, I was on the force. And that's what we would do if we thought somebody was stealing. Why would anyone look at you and think you are there for evil? I think what it was is I walked directly to this pair of shoes, walk directly to the socks. And I was on a mission because I just don't like to shop.

That's how I shop, too, and it's bitten me in the ass a few times. I'll take those pairs of pants right there and you go home. They don't fit. I don't try on clothes either I don't like to try on clothes too much because then I think they believe I'm stealing like if it's my fourth time

in the same dressing room I'm like I'm sorry I'm just having issues I promise I'm not taking anything Is it tougher with women's sizes I've heard it is Yeah definitely Guys it's like okay I'm a 30 something

30 something 30 whatever you are It seems to be pretty universal Yeah those sizes seem to always be the same for the most part, but like I can go to Target and be a size 2 there, but then go to the mall, and I'm a size 6 at a different store. It's got to be humbling.

It is really upsetting sometimes. So much thinner at Target. Yeah, there's certain places I like to go because they make me feel better. So Josh, is she followed you around? You bought your shoes and socks, and that was the end of it? Yeah. Yeah. She asked me like a couple times if I needed help.

I'm like, no, I'm obviously good. I mean, I'm walking right up to what I need. Oh, when you were at that shoe store, did you see some shoes that suck and some shoes that rule? Yeah. That's how I, it's the experience I have every time. I've localized it. Closing out our conversation, all different angles, on public bathrooms or bathrooms in general. It just seems as if we've been bombed with bathroom show material here lately.

there are people out there that say every public bathroom should have some type of music playing at all times to dummy down on the noises so many people are self-conscious about the noises that they make well we have a nice situation here in this joint we always have tunes going in the bathroom so in the old days it was so the DJ could tell where they were in the song they were playing and how much time they had to get back to do live radio. So we have that benefit here. And I can see why you would want it in every public bathroom, like I said, because some folks are very shy and self-conscious about the noises.

I'm really lucky there's only one other woman here in the morning, and we are never at the bathroom at the same time. It feels nice. It's not full range. Really, would it bother you? She's pretty laid back. It would throw me off. What really?

Yeah, because I'm not used to it. And thankfully, though, she's not one of those people that likes to have a conversation while going to the bathroom. There's a couple people like that in this office, and I hate it. Oh, yeah. I'll skip the bathroom if I see them going in ahead of me. Yeah, you're definitely right. There's some guys that'll be in the stall and they'll strike up a conversation for sure in this building.

Urinal conversation is just fine. Don't talk to me if you got your pants at your ankles. There's a, well, yeah, how else do you pee at the urinal? I was pretty excited that we got like some sort of automatic air freshener in the up front. I noticed that too yesterday. I want to get one of those. That was pretty cool. I didn't notice that.

What happens? It just sprays randomly. Where is it located? It's sitting on top of the paper towels. And every five, ten minutes a battery goes off and it sprays some. I was checking my body for blow darts because it sounded just like blow darts. too. And finally, here's a conversation on the weirdest things people have seen in a private bathroom.

So you're at somebody house. I'm trying to think. Well, you know, when we were young guys in our late teens and early 20s, if you stop by your bro's apartment, he likely had some hardcore porn mags in his bathroom. Other than that, I can't think of anything. The answers that grabbed me, though, weirdest things people have seen in. the private bathroom. Whose place was this, Josh?

Toilet paper made of real dollar bills. Oh, dang. Wow, like a Kardashian. I mean, I would just steal that role. Oh, yeah, 100%. Or was it just a display thing? I mean, toilet paper made of real dollar bills that leads me to believe that people in that household are wiping with money.

I'm going to take your toilet paper. A mirror directly facing the toilet. Who needs that? Oh, no. Oh, that's, that's. There's a bathroom that I use very, very often, and there's a mirror directly across from the toilet. It's very humbling looking at yourself in that position.

Is it above a sink? Yeah, yep. But it's low enough where it's like I can see from the middle of my chest up. So I'm just making eye contact with myself. Checking your poop face. If ever you wonder, if ever you wondered what you look like when struggling and forcing, you can look in that mirror. Also, adult toys on full display on a shelf

stacked up like trophies somebody saw in a private bathroom. That's fun. I saw some in the shower once, but never just on display ready to go. You saw toys in a shower? Yeah, I'm guessing somebody threw them in there to wash them, sex toys. Oh, that kind of, well, that's a completely different thing. All right. Oh, did I not make that clear that I meant sex toys?

I might have skipped over that if you said it. Yeah, sex toys on his shelf displayed like trophies. Sorry, I think I just said toys and that's not interesting at all. Yeah, sex toys. This person says I was at a department store once where a guy answered his phone while using the stall. Oh, yeah, we got a guy here that does that. Yeah? Yeah, all the time.

Every time I've seen him in there, I think he's on his phone. There was a guy that used to work here who was the guy that used to, the guy that used to get yelled at by his kids and wife all the time? Oh, no. Oh, dang. He was getting yelled at by one of those. I'm not sure when he was on. He didn't even get peace and quiet on the toilet. He was one sorry, some bitch.

He got yelled at all the time. Did he deserve it? No, no, no, no, no. He's like one of the sweetest guys of all time. But that's why. That's why. This guy was so gentle and sweet that he set himself up for abuse. and his wife and teenage kids

treated him like he was the lowest form of life on planet Earth and he put up with it every time and we saw it happen a few times and it was frigging disgusting. So yeah, he didn't have a minute's piece even when he's trying to cut a deuce one of his teenage kids would be calling to yell at him because there's not enough gas in the car

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