93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): Discount Store Dingleberry
Episode Date: June 26, 2026The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show. Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Hal...f-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: HAMS93X@gmail.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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You're listening to the 93x-Hal-Fast morning show, Botchacks.
The gun away from my head, and that's when I took the gun.
A message to low-life carjackers.
If you're going to roll up with three of your buddies and try and steal someone's ride,
make sure it's not a Marine.
A Marine Corps veteran was working on his truck about 10 miles outside Washington, D.C.
last Tuesday afternoon, when four hooded,
teens approached. To them, it probably looked like an easy target, four against one. Big mistake.
One of the teens pulled a pistol, pointed it at the veteran's head, and demanded the keys and
phone. But what happened next is a reminder of why you just don't F with the American military.
Instead of handing over his belongings, the Marines spotted a brief opening and made his move.
He grabbed the armed suspect and fought for control of the weapon. Within seconds, the confrontation
became a life or death struggle between a punk and a patriot.
And I told him, the car is on, he's inside, and he saw my phone.
He was like, give me your phone too.
So I gave it to him.
When he got distracted looking at my phone, that was the split second when I grabbed
the gun out of his hand.
Hearing the commotion, the Marines' brother, who himself is about to enter the military,
sprinted out of the house and jumped into the fight.
A gunshot rang out as the brothers wrestled with the armed suspect, but somehow no one was
hit.
The carjackers thought they'd found an easy.
easy victim, but instead found two brothers ready to make them regret it.
Before long, the tables had completely turned.
Within moments, both brothers had thrown their attackers to the ground and restrained them
until police arrived and took all four suspects into custody.
That's beautiful.
I love this kind of story.
F-in-morons.
The Marine said he was thankful.
His kids, his brother, and his beloved dog Sky weren't in the vehicle during that confrontation
because it did take a bullet.
His truck did.
It's going to be very expensive to fix, he said.
And he said his military training is what saved him.
That's so cool.
Let me tell you something.
If you ever try to carjack Josh and I, let me tell you what's going to happen.
I'm going to beat you and then Josh is going to beat you.
It's going to be a good old-fashioned Nick and Josh beat off.
You don't want any part of that.
I've heard stories.
Yeah.
The Marine Corps has found an unexpected training ground for young leaders a video game.
In a development that may leave many parents reconsidering years of anti-gaming lectures to their kids,
military leaders say a modified version of Call of Duty for Modern Warfare
can help newly promoted sergeants developed leadership, communication, critical thinking, and decision-making skills.
Created by researchers at Virginia Tech and the University of Memphis,
the training program uses the 2007 Blockbuster to place Marines in more than a dozen high-pressure scenarios.
While warfare has changed dramatically with drones and artificial intelligence,
officials say the game's realistic modern setting and fast-paced decision-making challenges
provide valuable leadership lessons.
The actual skills translate directly into making good decisions under high stress,
said Brigadier General Matthew Tracy,
meaning thousands of former teens told to go outside and do something useful
instead of trash-talking 12-year-olds in Tokyo
have officially been vindicated by the United States military
and can tell their parents to suck it.
Introduced to Marine students in January,
the program is part of the Sargent School,
which prepares newly promoted non-commissioned officers
for greater responsibility.
How are you at that video game?
Do you whoop ass on that one?
I've only played it once or twice,
and no, to answer your question.
It's fun.
Definitely.
Call of Duty, I mean, it's a huge franchise.
Yeah, it looks sweet.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun.
A discount story.
Dingleberry was arrested for indecent exposure in Arizona.
Dingleberry?
Arrested for indecent exposure in Arizona last week.
After a store employee endured what sounds like the world's most unwelcome retail ride-along.
On Wednesday, Queen Creek Police were called to a Walmart after reports of a man exposing his genitals to the store's employees.
The suspect was later identified as 61-year-old Brent LeBrand.
Brent.
The document state he approached the victim
while he was performing his duties
and drew attention to his privates
by lifting his shirt and asking if the employee
wanted to touch his penis.
He did not.
The victim left the area.
I wonder if he's had a taker yet.
I can't imagine he has.
Otherwise, he'd probably be a repeat customer to that person.
Well, you know, who knows?
Maybe he got bored and wanted to move on.
It would make sense that he'd keep going back.
Anyway, yeah.
The victim left the area, but the nut-bearing nut job
stayed committed to the bit,
following him around the store.
Maybe you didn't hear me the first time.
Do you want to touch my peepee?
Or maybe he's changed his mind.
He's got to wear him down.
The employee eventually took a break from the sicko sidekick.
When he returned to work and headed to the bathroom behind the store, LeBrand followed him to the brand yo.
Even there, the employee couldn't catch any peace while trying to go number two.
While in the bathroom, LeBrand lowered his shorts and showed his genitals to the victim,
who didn't want to see his LaBalls.
After speaking with the victim, officers located LeBrand
and placed him under arrest.
Despite video footage of his free-range D and high-deaf 4K,
he unconvincingly denied those accusations.
Wasn't me?
A Pennsylvania father's behind bars
after an argument with his son nearly ended in a hot discharge
when the two couldn't see eye-to-eye on Wacking it.
Oh my God.
Why is that even having, why is that even a conversation?
Yeah, I got to hear more about this.
Well, there's a turn here.
What began as a disagreement at a family home over a weed whacker.
Traded lawn care for law enforcement.
The argument escalated to the point where the father produced a pistol from his waistband
and threatened to shoot the son in the head.
Instead of trimming weeds, 56-year-old George Weaver almost trimmed family ties,
brandishing a gun and threatening his son.
Fearing for his life,
The son ran away from the property and called police.
What prevented this from becoming a tragedy was the quick thinking of the sun,
where he de-escalated the situation by immediately exiting the vehicle and running away.
According to court documents, Weaver also threatened to return with someone else to, quote,
finish the job.
Thankfully, no one was injured. No one finished that job.
But police say it's a reminder that domestic disputes can go from routine to risky in a hurry,
making them some of the most dangerous calls they respond to.
In situations like this where family members get into an argument and a weapon is produced,
is a very dangerous situation.
Court records show Weaver's permit to carry a firearm had expired years earlier,
one of several issues now landing him in court.
I'm not saying there's going to be any gunplay,
but I know one father's son combo where I keep waiting for them to show up in the papers.
over a violent...
Have they ever gotten physical?
Not that I know of, but I can see it in their eyes.
I can see it in their eyes.
I can see it the way they talk to each other.
I think eventually they're going to be in the papers.
Here's a reminder that while your chances of being hit with a ukulele are always small,
they're never zero.
Police in California are investigating what may be the first of its kind road rage incident in Fremont
that ended with one person getting clocked over the...
the head with an otherwise peaceful musical instrument last week, a ukulele.
Damn, what a wonderful little toy that is.
I've wished over the years that I knew how to play one.
Me too.
The banjo, too.
Oh, yeah.
That looks more difficult.
Yeah, oh, yeah.
Investigators say the victim noticed another driver following closely behind him and honking.
Eventually, both drivers pulled over, climbed out of their vehicles, and confronted
each other. But what happened next
sounds less like a police report and more
like professional wrestling. Not
content to settle their differences with a duet?
Investigators said the two men
traded blows before one of them suddenly
produced a ukulele and unleashed a
Jeff Jarrett-style guitar shot over
the other person's head.
It's still unclear what sparked the fight
or whether the two men knew each other before
the encounter, but whatever the reason, neither
driver stuck around long enough to explain
it. Both left the scene before
officers arrived. Damn, I want
play a ukulele. I want to play it right friggin' now.
Authorities didn't reveal who
reported that incident, but said the case
involving the unique ukulele shot
as being investigated as an assault with
a deadly yet musical weapon.
That would be kind of fun
to learn how to play something. Yeah, I would love
that. I'd like to play a tune
for you. I'm incapable of
doing that kind of stuff, though. You can do it.
I've never been any good with the guitar.
You guys both could figure it out. Smearing
cake on someone's face on their
birthday is a well-known tradition. And while it has gone wrong on occasion, it's rarely cited
as a motive for murder, at least until a little over a month ago. An unusual incident took place
at a gym in India where a 33-year-old man was celebrating his birthday with friends. When the cake was
served, some of his pals smeared it on his face as a joke. But their birthday boy found frosting
a reason to fight. What was meant as a confection-based clowning around was met with immediate
irritation because he didn't think it was funny at all.
Were there chicks there?
Didn't say if there was any chicks there.
According to the brother of one of the victims, the suspect had called him that night,
angry and agitated.
He complained that the man's brother had disrespected him during the party.
And foul language had been flung around with the frosting.
The brother tried to smooth things over, promising to handle things personally the next morning,
but sadly he never got the chance.
taking the phrase icing someone far too literally
when the man returned to the gym the next day
he opened fire on the three men he'd argued with
before anyone could react.
Did he kill him?
All three of them.
Oh my God.
They thought they were being funny and they rubbed cake in his face.
My God.
He was disrespected.
Happy birthday.
Disrespected.
If you've ever wanted to wave a magic wand
and instantly make something yours,
now you can, assuming, of course, there's enough money in your debit account to pay for it.
Cash App, the Digital Payment Service, has offered users free physical cards since 2017.
Now anyone with a cash app card can pay $25 and transform that card into a pearlescent, sparkly, magic wand.
Anywhere you can use tap to pay with your phone or card, you'll be able to buy something with a flick and tap of the wand instead.
You're really swinging around a magic wand in front of a wand.
of other grown people?
Yep.
Honestly, good for them because this has been like a trendy thing,
I guess, in like the last couple months on social media
where like boyfriends were doing that for their girlfriends.
I think you could like buy it on Amazon or something
where you, yeah, you put your little debit card or credit card in there
and you walk around acting like a princess all day.
So there's going to be people that do this.
Josh, you're at the liquor store buying a case of beer for a house party or something.
Are you going to do the magic wand trick?
No.
No, no. And if I see somebody, I'll just...
You could get your ass kick for that.
Yeah. No.
I want to paint in the butt, just carry that around.
Let me grab my wallet, my magic wand.
The wand is the first whimsical expression.
You know, although if I had one of those, and I went out with buddies,
they'd probably pick up the tab because they'd never want me to pull that thing out and use.
Oh, sure.
That's a brilliant theory.
All right, I need one of these.
Yeah.
The wand is the first whimsical expression of,
Cash App tags, the company's new hardware product.
Tags are NFC-enabled physical devices that will eventually come in a variety of shapes and sizes.
The idea seems to be making payments something people start actually noticing.
A company spokesperson said digital payments have made buying things faster and easier,
but they've also made the act of purchasing quieter, more boring, almost invisible.
They think paying for something should be fun or even a conversation starter.
At Cash App, we think payments should be just the opposite of boring.
It should be visible.
It should be fun and social and expressive and apparently nerdy.
Setting one up is simple.
Hold the device to the back of your phone, links to your Cash App account.
From there, the wand works just like a debit card,
albeit a much more fanciful and perhaps embarrassing one.
That's a great point that you made.
You and your bros are at the Cracker Barrow, right?
They send a tab over to you.
Josh says, oh, what, $85?
I'll handle this.
And the boys go, no, no, no.
We got it.
Today's silly holiday is National Sex Day.
Hard to celebrate and find some chemistry when you're paying for a sandwich,
like you're from House Gryffindore, though.
So I'm going to get one of these, and my buddies are going to be paying for everything.
I can picture you're going pippity, poppity poop-pip.
It should be very whimsical with it.
You have to.
Al-A-Cazam.
That's one of the silliest things I've heard in a long time.
Yeah, that's pretty ridiculous.
But I wonder, maybe they'll come out with something kind of cool.
Well, I mean, sure.
Like an axe?
Yeah, you could.
It looks like I'm just destroying.
Yeah.
You could turn it into some kind of weapon.
Sure, with a little more balls on it.
Yeah.
Yeah, battle axe would be kind of cool.
Josh, there's only one conversation we need to be having right now.
I'm afraid we no longer have a choice.
Josh, if you can find it, hit the we no longer have a choice.
We have to do it, alarm.
Let's see if I can find something.
It's been a while since we rang that one.
You have no choice anymore.
You just have to.
That alarm sound.
It happened.
Jamie Presley is on OnlyFans
Oh wow
We have no choice now
Personally only fans
Never saw it
Never really cared to
Never been on it either
Never cared to try it
Didn't feel like I needed it
Yes I know there's
Miles and miles of college girls
Urinating into five gallon buckets
Or whatever the hell
Spitting and they're always
Yeah but there's free porn
Pooping and jars
Some bath water.
Farts being sold.
Everything you can imagine.
We've been hearing about it for years.
Only fans this, only fans that.
Oh my God, have you seen this?
Only fans, lady.
It never really, I never felt like I needed it.
Ashley just got done saying.
If you want to see naked people, there's free naked people all over the friggin' internet.
Yeah, and they're great.
Well, now it's the celebrities getting involved.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah, there's plenty of celebrities doing.
I mean, not the real filthy stuff.
Yeah, like Shannon Elizabeth from American Pie recently joined.
Okay.
That news didn't reach my neighborhood.
But now I just found out we have no choice.
We have to go there.
Jamie Presley is on OnlyFans.
I'm sorry to any full-on grown men who were shaving or driving when I dumped that news on you a couple minutes ago.
Maybe I should have softened the blow a little bit.
But it's a real thing.
Dude, no way.
I have to.
I have to.
How much is it?
I have to subscribe there.
How much do you want from me?
I don't have a choice.
You don't have a choice.
We have no choice, Ashley.
Dana mentioned Shannon Elizabeth and Jamie Presley said that was like her inspiration.
After Shannon Elizabeth was on there, she thought, well, shoot, maybe I could do this as well.
And she had the impression that it was all porn.
And so she's not going to get that dirty.
Who's not going to get that dirty?
Are we talking about Jamie Presley?
Yeah.
She's going to make so much money.
I think she'll do okay.
Oh, my gosh.
Now I got to swing by there and see what it's all about.
They've forced my hand, and you could probably make a joke out of that if you like.
Okay, what did she say here?
Josh, you read that Jamie Presley is not promising anything filthy.
By the way, just in case you're coming to from a car accident or something.
The blonde from my name is Earl, Jamie Presley.
I know it's been a while.
I don't know if she's involved in any other recurrent.
She's 48 years old now.
You read she's not going to get too filthy, huh?
Correct.
That's how they all start, though.
Oh, you think so?
Yeah.
I mean, she said, hey, you know, I avoided it because I always thought it was porn.
I didn't realize you could do not porn on Onlyfans.
Porn, she said?
And then later on she said, not porn?
Yeah, you can do either one, I guess.
I know what we're all praying for.
I mean, most people, when you say only fans, that's what they're thinking.
But you've mentioned before, Ashley, there's people that do cooking demonstrations on there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know who's watching those, but, yeah.
I'll be damned.
I looked at it as a situation where we no longer have a choice.
I'm going to have to give them some of my money.
one of the funniest comedy actors, in my opinion, of the last 25, 30 years, Jamie Presley in her role as Don't Tell Me, What the Hell Was Her Name?
Joy on the program, my name is her.
I thought she was just brilliant.
Oh, she's great.
Absolutely brilliant in her role.
And also, quite the spicy little pickle.
She's not tough to look at, that's for sure.
She's 48 years old.
What did she say here?
I know Josh already gave us some information.
She said now,
she was kind of vague about what we might see
on her only fans page.
She promises a more personal, playful,
and completely unfiltered version of her.
If you've ever wondered what I'm really like
when the script ends, she says,
come a little closer.
Word.
What are they want in trade for that?
I don't know.
People are asking what do they want in trade for a subscription to Jamie?
It's usually not much.
Jamie Presley's only fan set up.
I'm sorry?
It's usually not much.
At least what I've seen, it's like five, six bucks a month or something like that.
But she's Jamie Presley, though.
She can charge a lot more than your friend from college, you know.
Five, six bucks a month.
How do you?
That brings me in Cubby back to when we used to buy those records.
tapes out of the newspaper for a penny.
Oh yeah, we were just talking about those.
The old BMG, you get the card, you put a bunch of stickers on there, the ones you want.
It's a penny a piece, and then all of a sudden you have a subscription, and you've gone bankrupt,
and your parents are yelling at you.
Exactly.
This sounds my experience.
I thought, shoot, I could get 15 tapes for 15 cents.
Let's go.
Yeah.
For my generation, it was just downloading illegal MP3s and causing great computer viruses for your family computer.
Yeah, lime wire.
Lime wire and Kazah.
I'm sorry, Mom and Dad.
I ruined a PC or two.
Oh, for sure.
Who were those people who were selling us the records and tapes for a penny job?
It was like Columbia House?
BMG was one I remember.
Yeah, Columbia House was another.
Every swing and D from me and Cubby's generation stumbled into that nightmare.
And next thing we know, we were committed to seven years of, seven years of payments to this scam.
record
distributor.
Yeah, I had to have
a couple of,
well, God,
when I first started
falling for that scam,
it was eight track tapes.
If you can believe it.
Okay, sofa, king,
cool, Jesus.
We were wondering what it might cost
for Jamie Presley's
how do you call it?
Only fans?
Only fans page.
And sure, she's a big celebrity.
She can probably charge
more than some college girl
who pees into
empty five gallon buckets.
Sofa
king, cool Jesus.
I think in general is making a statement
here over our text message
over what
only fans' subscriptions cost
in general.
And it sounds like he's been through
some things. He says, what does it cost?
Not much.
Just your soul.
Yeah.
Some
sinning on Only fans, that's for sure.
Some what?
Sining.
Sining.
Oh, absolutely.
Is our old pal?
Oh, my gosh.
No, oh, that I just dropped, I dropped it.
Our porn star friend, why can't anything of it?
Jordan Max.
Yeah, Jordan Max.
Is she on Only Fans?
I believe so.
She was at one point.
I always want to say Mandy Star, which was our early porn star.
Oh, God, you got to go way back.
If you remember Mandy Star, you've been listening to this program for a long time.
But what about the other one?
Now I forgot her name again.
Jordan Max.
What about Jordan Max?
Well, I wonder if she's on OnlyFans.
Didn't she say she was at one point?
Yes, she was at one point.
I tried searching, but it says it has to create an account.
So you can't just search without creating an account?
Anybody know?
I'm not sure.
Yeah, I'm not sure.
Search for pictures.
Or just their page that would say if they're on there or not.
I wish I could help you.
But like I said, I've never even had one accidental experience with OnlyFans.
have stayed away completely.
Offended millennial Jesus wants to know, okay, fine.
Five bucks for Jamie Presley's only fans page.
What if he wants to bring three of his friends?
20 bucks.
That would be 20.
$20.
So it's offended millennial Jesus and then three of his friends.
That's four, five times four.
The answer, offended millennial, it's $20.
Oh, he texted back and said, yay.
I remember a story from a gal here.
she was an intern here for a very brief period of time many years ago.
Well, it couldn't have been too many years ago
because it was the very beginning of this,
I'm a regular gal at home and I have my own porno website.
How long has that been going on?
20 years?
I don't even know at this point.
Yeah, who knows?
It was a while back.
And she told this fascinating story, fascinating to me.
She was living in a house full of college girls.
I think it was up in the windy city, Duluth.
And she had started her own porno website,
where she would put on horrific shows for her fans.
Living with four or five other gals in a college house,
and at one point, well, her roommates were unaware of this side hustle that she had going on.
And one of her roommates walked into her room.
No.
Unannounced.
And this intern of ours had her feet up in the air and was ass naked.
She was masturbating.
And her roommate freaked out and thought, oh, my God.
Who is this person that I thought I knew?
She had to quick clothe herself.
and run down the hallway to explain to her roommate.
Look, I'm not a sick character.
This is a decent way to make some money.
But she thought she was going to be thrown out into the street by her roommates
because they weren't totally in favor of that type of thing happening in the house.
But she was able to explain herself.
But for a minute, her roommate thought,
God, help us.
What's happening in my own?
home.
If, I mean, early on, the stories about OnlyFans, you'd hear stories about, like, women
who would sneeze into a condom and mail it to a guy and make $100,000 a week or something.
I wonder if any of those stories were true.
I never bought one of them.
I just made $2 million last week.
I always thought that was just a way to get suckers to think, well, this is a show that I got to see.
Yeah, I got to get on Only fans.
She's made $2 million.
This must be the most unbelievable solo show on Planet.
earth. I never believed a word of that crap.
Some people do
make, you know, obviously really good money
on there, but that's such a small
amount of people. Right. Because it's so
oversaturated. There's so many people on there
now. Yeah, that's what I've heard too. I've heard that about
Cameo, that anybody who's
had two seconds of somewhat
fame is on Cameo as well.
Come on with this joke,
Mouse and Jesus. It's too friggin' early
for this friggin' joke. Oh, I love it.
It took me a second to get it.
I love it.
He got me too.
Mouse and Jesus, Jesus,
texted in to say,
Only fans is a terrible website.
Do you know how long it took me to find an oscillating fan on that?
I mean, it was just...
There's not one fan on that website.
Tell him the Marcel.
story about Tomb Raider, Josh.
Oh, he didn't like Tomb Raider.
He went to Tomb Raider, and you know the one thing that wasn't in Tomb Raider?
What? Tumes. No tombs?
Great, no tombs and Tomb Raider.
That was our old friend Marcel.
He did a couple of movie reviews for us.
20, 25 years ago. All fun.
One of our favorite people in the whole world, if you know, Marcel, tell him we said
word life, but he sucked on the radio.
No, he did. Yes, he did. He did when he was giving us a movie review on Tomb Raider.
He didn't understand. No, he didn't.
But he's right.
It was very frustrating.
That was the big news for me, I thought.
Wow.
Jamie Presley's on OnlyFans.
I'm going to one more time.
I'm going to repeat the funniest line I ever came.
Oh, that doesn't make any sense.
The funniest line I ever heard come out of her mouth on the program,
my name is Earl.
And I got to commit myself to finding this program.
I haven't seen it in years and years.
years. And I know it's readily available out there. I'm just not skilled when it comes to finding
those, what do you call them? Applications. What do you call those things? Streaming services?
That's what it is. I know I can find it. I just have to try a little harder because I fell head over
heels in love with that program. So her finest line, again, in my opinion, Jamie Presley's character,
Joy was wildly pregnant during this episode, and she's sitting and she's reading a book on
what you can and cannot do while pregnant.
And Joy says this, as she's paging through the book, she says,
What the hell is this?
No thong underwear and no canned cheese.
What the hell am I going to do on New Year's Eve?
That's great.
Hulu people are telling me you can find the program.
Okay, I'll try to make that happen.
What is this here?
Someone says, I bet every single one of us on this program could make a killing on cameo.
I'm not so sure about that.
I doubt that.
I'd feel a bit douchy.
Be embarrassed even signing up for it.
Unless you think if maybe $5 or $6 is a killing, in your opinion, then maybe.
It would mostly come from my mom, I think.
She just wants to hear from you.
So, I mean, did anybody see the Jamie Presley Playboy?
Oh, she's in Playboy?
No, I believe so.
Yeah, I have it.
Yeah, you do?
Yeah.
How naked does she get?
Naked, but it's Playboy.
Yeah.
You know, don't expect too much on a Playboy,
especially the celebrity editions of Playboy.
I was going to ask, the celebrity one seemed different.
With the exception of female wrestlers.
Yeah.
Usually we're the least shy of all the celebrity playboys.
Because to this day, and I know a lot of big names,
have gotten ass naked in Playboy, but to this day, the Torrey Wilson Sable edition of Playboy
might just be the hottest edition they ever sold. Oh, yeah. So yeah, Josh, you got to keep in mind,
it's Playboy. It's tasteful. And God, I always hated that. I always hated the tasteful nudes.
If I want to see tasteful nudes, I'll go over to Cubby's place where we appear into the windows
of his neighbors if I want tasteful nudes.
Look to the right, not to the left when it comes to neighbors.
Don't look to the left.
Yeah, I got that one at home.
You want me to haul that one in for you, Josh?
No, I'm good.
You want it, don't you?
Nope, just curious.
blink twice if you want it.
He wants it.
No, I didn't blink at all.
I held my eyes open.
I'll give you the Jamie Presley Playboy edition.
I'll give it to you for $10.
As to, speaking of money, as to how much?
$9.
Wait, you're a terrible negotiator.
I didn't even bring anything up.
As for money, somebody texted in and said that they can confirm they have a friend who made $80,000 in a month on OnlyFans.
That never happened.
In a month.
It never happened.
All right, maybe it happened.
They said they saw the receipts.
They saw their receipts.
What the hell else is going on around here?
Did everyone have a wonderful weekend?
Yeah.
Yeah, long weekend.
I did too much.
Too many activities?
I saw you read the Wild game.
That looked awesome.
Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
Yeah, I had friends text and say how awesome you were to hang out with.
Yeah, I was, yeah, me and my mom were having an absolute blast.
You were hanging out with the Dinger.
Yep, yeah, yeah, he's good stuff.
Luther Kia Bloomington.
Yeah, he's awesome.
Yeah, biggest hockey fan I've ever met.
Him and his boys were there.
His sons are incredibly tall.
Yeah, they're big.
Holy cow.
They're big.
Something fun happened, though.
I was really excited to tell you guys about this.
After the game, I went to a bar.
My husband got me a hotel room down there for Mother's Day at the St. Paul Hotel.
Where did he stay?
He stayed at home with the baby.
I was just like, you know.
You really stayed all by yourself at a hotel?
Yeah.
I thought that was awesome.
I hung up with my mom for like the most part, so I wasn't really alone for that much time.
But I wasn't along when I decided to go to the bar and grab some food.
And then I, you know, I was having a beer while I was waiting.
And I started talking to this couple.
I was pretty tuned up at this point
So I don't remember like every specific of the conversation
But I do remember them telling me about
Because I was talking about my husband
And like oh he seems like such a nice guy
Like what do you guys do for fun
Like are you guys like the adventurous types
And I was like what is happening right now
And because I was tuned up
I guess I just didn't care about anything
And I was like are you guys swingers?
And they're like yeah
Yeah we are
I was like, yeah, that's cool.
Did you take them up on it?
I said, I'm good, though.
Yeah, I'm good.
And my husband, I told my husband about it.
And he was like, were they hot?
And I was like, they're swingers.
Probably not.
No, they were not.
I haven't been around a lot of swingers.
I've seen some, the one, when we were in Jamaica, there was like a swinger convention,
or I don't know what it was, but we're in a place where that would make sense at hedonism.
And I pronounced that weird hedonism.
And there were some good looking ones for sure.
My wife worked at a place that was known for swingers.
Like people would come in there and pick up like-minded folks on a treadmill or whatever.
The gym she worked at.
I've heard the swinger community Egan is thriving.
Well, I can tell you, this particular place she used to work at, it definitely was.
According to her, she's a well-known liar.
Yeah, it was pretty cool.
I thought, you know, it finally happened.
I finally met some swingers in real life.
I'm jealous.
Nobody's ever approached me for sex.
Well, there was that family guy episode recently where Lois and Peter became friends with these swingers
and they thought they were going to hit on them and ask them like, you know, to have sex.
And then they got offended when they didn't.
Yeah.
That was pretty funny.
That's true.
They were very offended.
They were so annoyed.
They finally talked to each other like, okay, we're going to do this.
And the swingers had no interest in them.
Just strictly friends them.
Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.
Uh-oh.
That doesn't sound good.
What's going on, Habs podcasters?
We're getting into that soupy part of the summer
when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.
That's where our friends at Standard Heating and Air Conditioning come into play.
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Years of hard work, and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders,
your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.
Randy Shaver here with the answer.
Dave Bialki.
He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people
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Don't suffer.
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That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.
And it spells relief for you.
Hey there.
I'm Paula Pan.
I help people make the smartest money decisions possible.
If you don't control your money, it controls you.
You're not in control of your finances and you have to look outside of yourself to live the life that you want.
You're not in control.
You're like, like, what is it that you actually want?
Money should follow the dreams and goals because sometimes we make the dream and goal the money.
And you've overworked yourself and you've exceeded what you've needed for the actual thing you want.
Sometimes we forget, like, what's the actual thing you want?
Afford anything.
Follow and listen on your favorite platform.
You're listening to the radio.
The 93X half-assed morning show.
Something absolutely remarkable happened.
Josh slept in this morning.
He was late to work.
It was shocking.
He hasn't been late to work.
This is a true story.
Some bitch hasn't been late to work in 27 years.
Oh, by the way, Ashley isn't here today.
She's not feeling well.
She's late almost every day.
Well, she definitely used to be.
That's why one of them gets their own state fair t-shirt and the other.
doesn't. Oh, geez.
Oh, my God.
But Josh was
late today. Here's a text question
from a listener, Josh.
Is it your weight gain that's causing you
to sleep in? It could be. Doesn't that
have, can't that affect your sleep?
Absolutely. Yeah, I'll have to drop a couple
of LBs. And we
also... It's a weird feeling.
Yeah. Well, it's a little more difficult
to lift your frame out of bed
than it was a few years ago.
we also got to talking about other radio stations here in town
and other radio personalities here in town
that couldn't carry our jocks if they tried.
Oh, that's not the conversation.
How about this one?
This was recommended by a listener.
Another radio station you could try out
because I've mentioned many times.
I still listen to the radio quite often.
95.5 K-C-H-K, they play Polka.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
There's so many more.
radio stations than I ever realized. Me too. I'm keeping this one. I'm going to circle that and put it in my
pocket because I do like polka. Have you ever, have you ever full-on, four alarm polka danced,
you know, at a show? I've gone to a show, but I haven't danced. At a live poker show.
Nice. Is that where, nice, that's where they had the polka? Yep. Yeah, I went there a couple times.
I think what's the other joint there? They'll polka dance for you.
for Christ's sake. We had a company party once.
We were down in the basement. What's that joint?
Northeast Minneapolis.
Oh, geez. Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
Gustavs? Gustafs?
Oh, sure. Gargoth.
Was it the place that has like botchy ball or something in the basement?
No, that's that joint over in St. Paul. That's half-time wreck.
Oh, okay.
This was Northeast Minneapolis. Gastoffs. There it is. Thank you.
6510-1-0-715, Jesus.
Gastofs, we polka-danced in the basement.
But years ago, I went to a real deal, October.
Fest type setup, and they had the polka band.
And I'm telling you, Cubby, I couldn't help myself after a couple of big Steins of beer.
I went out on the dance floor, and I polka dance with some big-boned women, and I got it done.
I've never, I couldn't even tell you what a polka dance is.
I mean, I've seen them perform, I guess.
Just like that?
It's as easy as this right here.
That wouldn't call that easy.
And I like, when I'm not dancing and I watch the band, I like that tuba play.
player. That's the guy I root for. He's usually a heavy set, Peckerhead, and he sits in the back,
and I just like his style, because just over and over again, this is what he does for six and a half hours.
And that's all I need.
I played, there was a, what was it, like a little event in school where there was a whole bunch of music.
It was like a demonstration of different genres, and I played bass. And that was pretty much
my bass line.
No, that'd be more
like jazzy or something.
It was exactly the way you described it.
Basically two notes back and forth.
And then you'd move up a key, two notes back and forth.
You played the bass guitar?
Yeah, whatever they needed.
And you never went,
hop-a-badoon-dun-dun-dun-d-I was never good.
And I used to pick, right, because I was a guitar player.
And so, like, real bass players would
give me crap about that.
Did you ever do the?
I couldn't do the, just use my hand.
Did you do the, froom-froom.
Probably.
Did you do the Gene Simmons?
What's that?
I'm surprised you don't know the Gene Simmons.
Yeah, what's the Gene Simmons?
Gene, as a bass player, by the way,
was very talented and showed his talent in early Kiss Records.
And this is the part where people are going to start looking at their watch going,
oh, for Christ's sake, we're going to do this again.
But early Kiss records, especially on Kiss Alive.
You listen to Gene Simmons' bass lines.
He was very skilled.
He was all over the place and would mix up his base.
line. A good example would be cold gin live from Kiss Alive. I love that song. The live version of
cold gin from Kiss Alive. Gene, if you listen, he does some really cool stuff. But then he got lazy.
He got rich and got lazy and didn't really try too hard on the base beyond that. But Gene was also
notorious for the big, whom. Also, we do like a slide. Yes. As a matter of fact, this is what I
understand. 80s rock bands like Rat and Slaughter and Motley Crew and whatnot, when they would record their
records, they would use that slang.
They would say to the bass player, like for instance, Dana Strum from Slaughter, they'd say,
hey, you know what would sound good right there is if he did the Gene Simmons.
I'd never heard that before.
And then Dana Strum would add a big whom into the deal.
What a difference of good bass player makes, though.
You don't really think about it, but like Billy Sheehan, can you imagine?
Billy Sheen is off the charts.
Duff McCaghan is a good example of just a really skilled bass player who added to the band
sound where a lot of bass players
they just don't. But Duff McCagan,
less Claypool, very unique.
Flea, another great bass player.
Yeah, I never cared for that.
You didn't like his stuff, really? I never cared for the red hot
chili peppers at all. What about just
Flea's performance in there? Jay Cutler.
Really? I thought he was great.
I still think he's great.
Yeah, Gene would do the big.
Boom! Oh gosh.
It's killing me. The bass player for Dream Theater,
May Jung? I couldn't tell you. I never got into dream. Also incredible. I can't tell you either, Josh. Have you heard of Dream Theater? Sure, probably. I got Josh, in high school, I got kicked out of pottery class before they taught me about Dream Theater. Oh, man. Images and Words, one of my favorite albums.
But we got a polka station here in town. I didn't know that. K-C-H-K, 95 and a half. There's some good stuff in town for sure. We both love 105, and that's not just because it's a sister station. Cool, 101, 8. Enjoy those guys.
What's his name here? Smooth vanilla Jesus texted in to say, you know who else likes Polka, Steve Urkel.
He did. He played this thing.
Accordian.
I just watched Family Matters yesterday.
Seriously?
You want to know?
Yeah, I haven't seen that in so long.
I've got the cheapest, you know, satellite package known to man right on my television,
and I get all kinds of dopey old programs, but that's what I'm into.
So I watch Family Matters almost every day.
Do you want to know what happened in the episode of Family Matters that I watched yesterday?
Of course.
Steve, what's that old movie, Willie Wonka in the Chocolate Factory, right?
Where the little kid finds the golden ticket, right?
In this episode of Family Matters, Steve Urkel has a favorite candy bar, right?
And he found the golden ticket in the candy bar.
and what he won was a chance to go out onto the basketball court at a Los Angeles Clippers game
and hoist the ball from midcourt to win $10,000, right?
So Steve and his cool buddy Eddie, right, Eddie?
Remember Eddie? He was cool.
I'm sorry, I don't.
Anyway, Steve and Eddie go to the Clippers game.
They're sitting court side.
It comes time for Steve Urkel to take that half court shot for $10,000.
He makes it.
The crowd goes crazy.
crazy. Steve is dancing around the court with the basketball. He throws it up into the air. It hits
the scoreboard and destroys the scoreboard. Take a wild guess as to what he said in that
situation. I bet it was something to the effect of, did I do that? That's exactly what he said.
So yes, he won the $10,000, but that's what it's going to cost to fix the scoreboard. So in the
end, he won nothing. That's good stuff. Thank you, Brotherhood. I hope.
I hope I'm not mispronouncing the last name.
John Mayung from Dream Theater.
Yeah?
Awesome.
Cool looking dude is one.
All right.
Let's get ahead.
Go ahead is what I meant with today's stupid news report.
I love talking about bass guitars and rock and roll.
You know that.
But we got to.
Okay.
Sorry.
Getty Lee.
Yeah, you're going to forget the obvious.
Well, of course.
That's what always happens.
You're right.
Getty Lee.
It's a shame we didn't bring him up.
There's plenty I know we're forgetting.
If our goal was to name every bass player that we've ever had a respect or a love for,
if that was our goal, we'd sit here all day long.
But sure, Getty Lee, a friggin' genius.
Sexiest bass player of all time?
Kip Winger.
That's some hot stuff right there.
Maybe, I don't know.
I guess I've never really fully listed.
Some of his baselines were kind of cool.
He looked cool doing it.
A Kip Winger.
I know this aggravates a lot of people, but the dude is a genius.
He is.
He absolutely is a musical genius.
Is he the sexiest?
He's up there.
Probably.
I'll tell you this much, when I saw Winger in 1988,
when the lights went down,
I have never heard a high-pitched noise like what I heard that evening.
The girls were ready to take it all off and give their lives to Kip Winger.
When the lights went down, it was ungodly, the girls screaming.
I'm kind of scared to mention this one,
but another suggestion from the Brotherhood.
The bass player for King Crimson.
Unbelievable, Nick.
Well, now I'm familiar with the band.
King Crimson.
There's a joke here somewhere?
I think I'm getting him confused
with somebody you're afraid of,
and now I can't come up with the name.
Oh, you're thinking of King Diamond.
Yeah, King Diamond.
Oh, God, don't talk about King Diamond.
I'm going to have nightmares now.
Oh, yeah, Cliff Burton.
Sure.
Yeah, no offense to any that we're missing.
Keep texting them in, though,
because we can, you know, we can still,
we can pepper in a little bit of this.
conversation. I dig it. Jason Neustadt on the Masters of Puppets album? Sure. Oh, God, the Master of Puppets,
yeah. Look that one up. You can't even notice that he's there. That was so offensive.
All right. Cubby over there, I'm afraid you're going to have to tuck your boner into the elastic
of your giant oversized boxer shorts here due to the subject matter in our first stupid news conversation.
I think you're going to have to tuck that pig.
And I'm going to issue a pun-nado warning.
This is why you're going to be so excited about this story,
because it's a pun-n-nato.
As a lot of folks know, Josh is a pun-lord.
He loves puns.
If you could F a pun, you would.
If there was a way to do it, yeah.
If you could turn a pun into a person.
So hang on to some.
I might even try some stuff I'm not willing to do with my wife.
I believe it.
Take your shirt off?
I take my shirt off.
I can believe it.
Oh, by the way, yeah, we misspoke.
It's not the master of puppets record where you can't hear Jason Neustadt.
It's Justice Farov.
Ah, son of the bitch.
I woke up.
He knew what he was talking about.
Yeah, thank you for understanding.
Less Claypool, yes, another one.
Rex Brown, good one.
Pun, NATO warning.
Hang on to something, Josh.
It says here there's a chiropractic clinic down in the awful southern United States.
They got a sign out front the joint.
And they rotate cute-sounding puns up there on the sign now and again to try and drum up business.
Here are some of the frustrating, in my opinion, puns that have already been featured over the years at this year, chiropractor's office.
We never crack under pressure.
It's easier to throw out your back than your mother-in-law.
we won't stop until everyone is cracked up.
One time around Easter, they posted this here.
Our Easter adjustments are excellent.
Yeah, I wouldn't F any of those.
The one you're about to say, I definitely would.
Okay.
But, yeah, those ones, I was unimpressed.
Not like I'm some sort of good judge of this type of thing.
But, yeah, I thought they did have done that.
Well, I think you're probably the best judge.
in the county.
I like the real clever ones.
You are a pun lord.
Pun slut.
Yeah.
I'll give it up for pun.
Yeah, you will.
Recently, they came up with a fresh punkey.
And this is the one you like.
The sign says,
licensed crack dealer.
Yeah, I love that one.
Cute, right?
Unfortunately, for the clinic.
The Crush.
My old man always referred to the chiropractor as the crush.
he had back surgery a couple of times and he still had to go in there.
I don't know.
I don't know if it was once a month and they'd stand on his back.
I had a, you know, I think it's been proved that this is not the case.
But I had a college professor.
He hated the idea of chiropractors.
Thought it was a scam.
Yeah, he called it voodoo medicine.
And at the time, I didn't really know much about it.
But, I mean, it seems like you read stuff all the time saying it can cure everything, it seems like.
It's kind of weird.
I have no idea if it works or not.
I went a couple times.
They said I was too muscular that I wasn't a good candidate.
I never went to see a chiropractor,
but there was a stretch of time I was dating a,
how do you call it, a trainer, personal trainer.
And she was all into that type of stuff.
Exercise and massage and stretching and all that stuff, right?
So I was having some trouble with my neck and my shoulders
at the time from not stretching before
beer league hockey and beer league softball.
I had torn up my shoulders and my neck pretty good.
So she recommended I, it wasn't a chiropractor,
it was like a massage house.
Not the hand job type.
I wish it would have been the hand job type.
This was a deal where you lay on your face
on a padded couch and they basically dive on top of you
to crack everything loose.
can I say legitimately that it helped?
No, but the gal who treated me every time I went in there,
who would dive her body on top of me to make my neck crack and my back crack,
was so absolutely stunning that I don't get cute with this.
I came whenever they called.
Hey, it might be time for you to come back in.
Absolutely, what time do you want me to be there?
Because this gal was a missile, and I could not wait just to feel her body on top of mine.
It feels good.
I didn't mean to, but I offended a chiropractor once when I just said, yeah, I was hoping to get my neck cracked.
And he corrected me saying adjusted.
No.
I didn't know that would be offensive to somebody.
But, you know, the only problem is like it feels so good.
And then, but for me, at least an hour and a half later, I need to do that again.
They cracked my sternum once and now my sternum cracks.
Oh!
I didn't even know you could crack a sturnum cracked when I was a kid.
In your high schools or middle schools, did you guys crack each other's backs?
No.
Nope.
It was like you'd come up behind something.
You do that in the family though.
Yeah, like a big old bear hug.
I always thought that kind of seemed ill-advised.
Oh, I had it done to me, though.
I wasn't in school.
I was 19, 20 years old.
And some dude I worked with cracked my back for me.
And I swear to God, it took a year off.
my effing life. I don't know why I allowed that
some bitch to do that. Anyway. We had a boss here
who was so against that kind of
stuff. Like he would tell me horror stories
about that. I have no
idea if any of them were true, but he was a nutcase.
Arteries fall out of your neck. Yeah, like
strokes and getting paralyzed.
I don't do anything like that anymore.
You know, I miss that gorgeous woman
who would dive on top of my body.
But now,
because of those same horror
stories, I don't twist my, you know,
When I was a kid, I always go crack crack with my neck, right?
I've seen you do it, Josh.
I still do.
I don't do it.
I go through phases.
I have to lately.
I heard terrible stories about that neck crack thing.
I get scared every time.
I never do it.
So here's this chiropractor's office.
Again, they put the funny puns on the sign out front the shop to try to drum up business.
The latest cute punny sign is simply this, licensed crack dealer.
It's cute.
I like that one.
Unfortunately, for this clinic, a 23-year-old peckerhead in town by the name of Fragel,
he upped and smashed the licensed crack dealer sign into effing dust the other night.
He did.
Fraggle.
He took a damn landscaping brick and bashed into the sign until there was nothing left.
And the sad, simple truth is that fragel.
is so unbelievably dumb that he took the sign literally.
He really thought that he was destroying an advertisement for a crack rock dealer.
He imagine he probably thought he was a local hero.
He did.
The cops caught Fraggle in the act of destroying this sign.
And when the police asked him, what the hell are you doing?
He said, well, that's illegal.
selling crack.
I'm not going to allow that kind of thing in my neighborhood.
Can you even imagine being that oblivious?
No, I would have assumed he just...
You guys know me.
I'm always looking for pun-tang.
And I'd imagine he was probably somebody who hates puns
because a lot of people do.
And he thought, I'm tired of these jokes up here.
These are stupid.
Do you get a lot of pun-tang?
I'd go for it if I can.
I'm a pun-hound.
I thought you were going to say Fraggle tried to break into the place
because he thought they actually had crack inside.
You know what? That's actually probably more likely in a normal situation.
He was cracked out needing a fix. He saw the sign and said, well, hey, they got crack in there.
I'm going in.
That is truly incredible. The dude thought clueless, beyond repair, fraggle, he thought
it was a legit ad for crack rocks.
And he was doing that, like Josh said, doing the neighborhood of favor.
The police say that he was not under the influence of drugs.
or alcohol.
They say he also doesn't have any mental health issues.
He's just pure 100% dumb as a set of balls.
Yeah, a couple of people I know, I love them, but it's incredible they're able to get along
in the world, that they're able to feed themselves, have a job, stuff like that.
You kind of wonder about that.
Do you know anybody who is this dumb?
Yeah.
You do.
I think I do.
Yeah, I think I do as well.
Now, Fragel ended up being placed under arrest.
He's headed off the court soon.
I'll tell you right now,
Fragle's case is going to get some laughs in the courthouse, don't you think?
There's no way, no way the judge, lawyer,
there's no way they're going to be able to keep a straight face when it's explained.
That Fragle thought he was making a stand against drugs
over a pun-joke, a punny joke at a chiropractor's office about crap.
Boy, yeah, I wonder how the judge is going to react.
Like, all right, pay it back, but, dude, ask questions before you do something extreme.
Nice work, Fraggle.
Fireplace Jesus says he wonders that about himself every single day.
You're not that dumb.
You text in, we can tell you're a smart, handsome guy.
Fraggle's career stats are kind of fun.
You want to hear one of his other career highlights?
Once he went into the county jail for getting drunk and punching his.
his dad square in the yap.
I'd punch my dad too if you name me,
Fragel. That's what you're upset about?
And during the same incident,
he also slug the old man
in the ribs with a baseball bat.
Ouch. I can understand
straightening the old man out with one right
hook, but then you're beating them with a baseball.
What are you, one of the good fellas or something?
Who were you, Tommy DeVito?
My dad could take me. There's no way.
No way I'd try something like that.
Who were you? Henry Hill?
What the hell was De Niro's character?
in that movie.
Remember when they beat up Billy Bats?
Billy Bats. What a guy.
We're hugging and kissing over here.
Now, son.
Go get your effing shine box. What the hell was De Niro's
character in that movie? God dang it.
Someone will text it to me.
651, 989, 93,
Robert De Niro's character and Goodfellas.
I got Tommy DeVito. That was
friggin, uh, the little guy.
Joe Pesci. James Conway.
Jimmy Conway.
Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life.
Uh-oh, that doesn't sound good.
What's going on, Habs podcasters?
We're getting into that soupy part of the summer
when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.
That's where our friends at Standard heating and air conditioning come into play.
If your AC is out, you shouldn't have to wait.
Standard prioritizes homes without cooling, so they got your back.
With over 70 trucks on the road, they're ready to make you comfortable fast.
Ah, that's better.
Schedule now at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930.
Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help.
Randy Shaver here with the answer.
Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.
Don't suffer.
Call Bealky Law today.
763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com.
That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-A-L-L-L-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-R-E.
Hey there, I'm Paula Pan.
I help people make the smartest money decisions possible.
If you don't control your money, it controls you.
Yeah, you're not in control of your finances.
You have to look outside of yourself to live the life that you want.
You're not in control.
You're like, like, what is it that you actually want?
Money should follow the dreams and goals, because sometimes we make the dream and goal, the money,
and you've overworked yourself, and you've exceeded what you've needed for the actual thing you want.
Sometimes we forget, like, what's the actual thing you want.
thing you want.
Afford anything.
Follow and listen on your favorite platform.
The Half-Assed Morning Show Backtracks.
I feel much better than I did this time yesterday.
Yesterday, Josh, I just felt weird.
Yeah, Mondays can be like that, right?
Now, that doesn't mean my on-air performance today
will be any better or worse.
I'm just telling you that yesterday I felt weird.
And you were weird too yesterday.
I was?
I didn't like to look in your eyes.
Oh, yeah.
You know, I felt that way a little bit.
Yeah, we both.
That's a terrible feeling, isn't it?
Something funny happens there where you just kind of feel weird and then...
I hate that thing.
Sometimes it lasts a whole week.
Or...
Do you call it weird?
Do you call it weird week?
Well, you know, it happens so often.
Sorry, everybody.
I'm in the middle of weird week.
Hey, hey, it's weird week.
Relax.
Take it easy on me.
Sometimes it lasts a lifetime.
It can, yeah.
Oh, my God.
What's going on today?
It's going to be mad hot for a couple of days.
days in a row. That blows. Disgusting.
Are we getting storms today or tomorrow?
I think that they said tonight and into tomorrow.
Big ones? Yeah. A little of both.
Little of today. Little to them. I'm going to
freeze to near death in my stupid
overly cold, haunted Civil War burial groundhouse.
I'm so sorry. I'm going to freeze
to death in that pig. The next guy. Once you
turn the air conditioning on in my home, Josh,
my wife and I look like
Kurt Russell and Keith David in the closing scene
from The Thing. If you know that movie,
know what I'm saying. And for the record, if you haven't seen the thing from 19 and
82, you're not a good person. But if you know the movie, the closing scene, Kurt Russell and
Keith, that's my wife and I sitting in the living room when we have to use the air conditioning
in our overly cold, haunted. So it's going to be hot and humid. Well, yeah, my, you know, my house
actually was pretty freezing yesterday, too, especially the basement. Is it haunted? It's like
15 degrees colder down there. I don't think it's haunted. I mean, to, I guess to make a movie
reference. If you and I were down there, we'd look like Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunn on a
moped or whatever they were writing. Oh, dude, that's a good one. That's a good, yeah, the frozen
snot, everything. I've got an extra pair of gloves I'm not telling you about. It sucks. Every
summer, since I moved into this joint, I confuse everybody when I say, oh, Christ, it's going to be hot
the next few days. I'm going to freeze my balls off. And everyone says, what do you mean? Well,
stop by my house once in a while in the summer.
You'll know what I'm talking about.
If you missed it yesterday or you haven't heard the ads over the air,
we're all set up for our silly Independence Day boat party again.
Awesome.
Let me tell you what's going on this time around.
A little different this time around.
It's, of course, the Booze Cruise.
That's the name we hung on at 0.25, 6, 7 years ago.
Sponsored this year by 10K construction,
we'll be going up and down the St. Croix River.
a little ways to the left, right?
Josh, and then we come back.
Yeah.
We go off this way.
That's how it usually goes at least.
Three hours, 7 to 10 p.m. on July 10th.
So post-independence Day this year.
It's been a while, I think, since we've celebrated after the fact.
So up and down the St. Croix River, aboard a beautiful Stillwater River boat.
from 7 to 10 on July 10th.
And you don't need to win your way onto the pig like we've done year after year.
We're selling tickets.
$25 ticket gets you a spot on that three-hour cruise.
We'll give you something or another to eat.
Music from DJ Chrisis.
Hey, I love DJ Chris.
Chrisass.
You know, DJ?
Chris? Yeah, he works here. Oh. Yeah.
It's Chris. They just threw DJ in front of it.
That's all. It's our
co-worker Chris and now he's DJ Chris.
Hey, he's great. And we'll mill around
and do our best to have a few
laughs. It's a 21 plus type of
a setup. So
you know, you've got to be legal.
And
multiple cash bars available.
There's a bar on this level, that level.
Get your tickets as quick as you
can because it's likely to
sell out. So in case you missed it,
Yesterday, we've made it official.
Independence Day, booze, crews, part, God knows, 26, 7, 8, 9, something like that.
Yeah, I'm glad they're given an opportunity for folks to get on there,
because we've heard that so many times.
Like, I'm trying, I'm trying to listen to win, but it's tough to win tickets.
So for folks that want to go, easy way to get on.
This will be fun.
You make it fun.
Oh, it's nice to you to say.
I love it.
I love these events.
So hopefully everybody that's on board does.
I don't know if I've ever seen anybody.
Even the people that have been drunk enough to nearly fall downstairs,
get arrested, stuff like that seem to have a good time.
A question has come in via our text machine, Josh, about hot bitches.
Oh, wondering if they'll be any?
Yeah.
There's always hot bitches.
Okay.
You know what I haven't noticed?
I guess I'm kind of, you know, doing what we're doing on the,
boat, but back in the day, it seemed, that boat would get flashed more than any boat afore.
Uh-huh.
Just, and then, then, you know, you'd see a lot of dudes mooning and stuff like that.
Yeah, a lot of butts.
Yeah, a lot of butts.
But there'd be people coming up on a wave runner flashing that boat or whatever.
There were people holding signs saying, you know, Tommy Lee boob cam or something.
Show us your D.
Show us your rack.
Very prevalent for a bit there.
You had a question about that situation?
No, not a question.
I just, it seemed like.
like that was a thing and I haven't really noticed
it as much but like I said maybe because I'm just
you know talking on the boat our image has
changed maybe that's it maybe it's better
we used to be the the penis
boobs vagina
show you know
now it's uh we've leveled off
um we've
we've matured um
you know it'd be the once that would be the most
uncomfortable this there'd be people on the beach
and all of a sudden the dad's like oh look at that a boat
I'm gonna moon that
boat and then as he moons it he's facing his children sitting right in front of him looking at
dad's penis as he's mooning the boat terrible it's good life lesson yeah you know it is what it is
it'll be a hell of a good time so what the hell else is going on around here did you hear about
this latest scam which i guess was all just a complete hoax well that maybe that didn't make sense
I mean, there's lots of scams out there.
Some of them you need to legitimately worry about things like folks stealing your identity.
What was the story you told us yesterday in the news?
Some old lady thought she was communicating every day with Liam Neeson.
Yeah, those celebrity romance scams.
Yeah, there you go, celebrity romance.
This is a scam that people have been spreading the word on.
but apparently it's a complete hoax.
It's not a real thing.
I bought it.
The screw method scam.
You bought it?
Yeah, why wouldn't you?
I mean, nowadays, there's so many of these types of scam.
This specific scam, there's similar ones, so I definitely bought it.
Yeah, you're right.
I mean, consider what's out there.
Why wouldn't you believe this?
They call it the screw method scam, and it's totally fake.
This is some kind of a game that people believed was being played at your neighborhood gas station.
The idea was that people would stick a screw in the nozzle handle of the gas pump
so that it doesn't return to the off position when you're done filling up.
I mean, you hear a lot about the credit card scanner scams, right?
Where somebody's putting a little device on there and your credit card goes straight to them.
Making it easy on them.
Was that ever proven to be a legit?
Oh, that was very legit.
Like sometimes the local police departments would put stuff on the gas, the gas pump or whatever, where you pay just to say this is legit, we're all good.
Was there some technology now that put a lid on that type of deal?
Yeah, I couldn't explain exactly what changed.
Because I know, I mean, we all use our cards at the gas pump quite frequently, don't we?
You have to.
Like, there's one gas station by me.
can't prepay. I mean, excuse me, you only prepay. So you're either at the pump or you go in.
Again, some kind of a screw is stuck in the nozzle handle. So it doesn't return to the off
position when you're done filling up. Now, what that supposedly does is prevents the gas pumps
mechanisms from knowing the transaction is done. And that allowed the scammer to pull up,
fill up with gas and drive off, the tab would then go on the previous person's credit card.
Doesn't that seem very believable?
It sure does.
Although, you know, they'd be screwed now, speaking of screw,
because my lately with how expensive gas is,
I hit the monetary limit before my tank's even full.
You hit the monetary?
Yeah, it's $75.
That happened to my husband at the gas station not too long ago.
it stopped at 100 and he was like, oh, look it, perfect.
He's like, wait, no, it's probably just a limit thing.
He was so excited because that's what everyone tries to do that.
Okay, I've never heard of this.
I don't understand.
So some pumps, if maybe all do, but I guess I've seen a lot where you have a certain
amount of money it can go up to, right?
And so the gas station, I go to the one right down the road, and it's $75.
So once it hits $75, if you're not full, it just stops on you.
So you can do a second transaction or just go on your way.
Hmm.
Yeah, they wouldn't get much, well, they wouldn't get anything out of me right now.
Never heard of that.
So this all went viral.
And there were supposed quotes from law enforcement officers in there warning people to be on the lookout for the screw method scam.
But according to several news sources and all types of folks who have a handle on these types of things.
according to those people.
It's a complete hoax.
There's no evidence that it ever happened.
But the story wraps up with saying it's good to be vigilant.
Fiber-splicing Jesus said easy way to not fall for that screw scam.
Just get a receipt.
Get the receipt.
I don't think I ever have.
I'm so terrible with it.
I always hit no.
I didn't even know you could get one.
I hate when it even asks.
Don't ask me.
It asks you every time.
Yeah.
You must just hit no without even.
Not even realized what I'm saying no to, too.
Because I always say no to the car wash, too.
No, it's tough to say no sometimes.
You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
Do you have problems with that?
I bought so many car washes I've never used.
Just handing them out to people.
The upgrades, when you get there.
Do you guys have the one where the lady talks to you when you're punching in your code at the car wash?
No.
She's so convincing.
There's a lady in there?
Yeah, the lady's like, hey, the little computer lady.
You know, I always go for the most expensive wash here because I care about my car and my family and America.
How do you feel about America?
Press expensive if you love America.
I've never been part of that setup.
I've never had a lady talk to me at the gas pump.
I saw a video of a very unsophisticated old school gas heist.
The car guy pulls up and he gets the nozzle in, he's filling up and he heads into the gas station,
get some dogs off the rollers or something.
some guy nearby comes up with a gas can, takes the nozzle out of the guy's truck,
and puts it in his gas can, fills up the gas can, and runs away.
Wow.
All right.
Yeah, that's none of my business.
Adios.
That'd be fun to see.
One way to do it.
Good way to get your ass kicked, I would imagine.
So don't, I guess the word is, don't worry if you've been stressing yourself out over the screw method gas station scam.
as of the writing of this article, it actually has not been pulled off just yet.
Josh mentioned that petrol is so expensive these days.
Here are some other things that have been noted as luxuries now.
They used to be affordable.
That used to be the label you could put on them, affordable, but now they feel.
more like a luxury.
Vet care.
Red meat.
Cable television.
Movie tickets.
All right, so far, vet care.
Yeah.
That's always been expensive.
Wawa wewa.
If your dog or cat needs an operation,
hang on to your ass.
Yeah, get pet insurance.
If you ever get a puppy or whatever, a dog,
try to get pet insurance.
Red friggin' meat.
Sure.
Although I must admit that when it comes to grocery shopping,
even when I was broke,
I had the bad habit of just sweeping it into my cart and worrying about it later.
Yeah, it is stupid expensive right now.
I have never compared a price in my lifetime.
Oh, I used to do that big time.
Coupons.
Just out of sheer laziness and a...
What's the other word I might use?
Just to, you know, no self-awareness.
I get it.
I was at the store yesterday.
I did some grocery shopping, and even the cashier, she told me my total.
And she was like, oh, my gosh.
And I was like, I know, right?
Seriously.
Well, you know, back to the price of gas.
When was the last time gas prices were just asinine?
I mean, maybe there's multiple answers to that question.
I'll just go this way.
Years ago, I bought myself a full-size pickup, and I loved it.
but after three or four years, I realized I didn't really need it.
So I scaled back to a smaller pickup.
But when I bought that full-size pickup, you know this deal, Josh,
when the salesman says, hey, congratulations, you're the owner of a new full-side.
Let me come with you out to the gas pump, out to the gas station.
The first tank of gas is free on us, right?
Right.
So the salesman and I go to the neighborhood gas station,
and he's pumping that thing full of gas.
And he says, Jesus, Bulls, 80s.
He's like, who sold you this freaking thing?
I didn't realize it was $89 to fill up the tank.
And I said, well, you sold it to me, you bastard.
And I didn't know it was that much.
I remember the first time I saw gas over a dollar and I thought, well, that's outrageous.
I can't believe that.
All right.
So these things used to be affordable.
Now they're a luxury.
Taking care of your pet.
Red Meets.
Cable television?
Okay, yeah, I don't follow that kind of a thing.
I do know that, you know, when my wife and I first got together and she moved on into the house,
she looked at my cable bill and she said, yeah, this is ridiculous.
We're going to switch things up.
And I said, go ahead.
I don't care.
I only watch three, four different chances.
So, yeah.
What did I?
Did I say movie tickets yet?
Yep.
They're expensive.
Oh, God.
Yeah, it's going to have to be like something really big for me to go now just because of that.
I'd like to go more, but, man, that's expensive.
Back in the day, the.
a movie date.
That was like the cheap date.
You could get away with a couple of $5 tickets and a thing of popcorn.
Now it's just outrageous.
I hate it when I bring up a subject that's obviously going to leave Josh out of the conversation
because he just knows nothing about the topic.
But also on this list of things that used to be affordable,
but now they feel like a luxury would be maintenance on your house.
Josh doesn't know anything about sneakers.
I guess it's a lot.
It depends on what you get, I mean.
I just buy, like, Amazon shoes now.
Me, too.
Yeah.
At 20 bucks.
Yep.
I just go to DSW and go straight to the clearance section.
I have, like, knockoff, uh, converse or whatever.
Yeah, they're awesome, though.
I, if anybody wants the link, let me know.
I have full figured feet, so I have very limited options and what I can get.
I mean, yeah, that all depends on your taste.
You can, you can find a pair.
If you try hard enough, you can find a pair of $2 shoes.
Yeah, that are, that are decent.
Yeah.
And when did Skechers and New Balance?
switch places. I don't. I know nothing about the tennis shoe world. I'm going to say about a decade ago,
I went to buy some new balance. And my kids said, if you do that, we're moving out. We're never
going to have anything to do with you again. You can't buy new balance. Oh, yeah, that's, that was
considered lame. Yeah. And I thought they're like, get some sketchers. I'm like, all right, cool.
So I got sketches. And then my last time I was going to get shoes, I went to get sketchers.
And what are you doing? Why would you get sketches? They're so nerdy. You got to get new balance.
I can't keep up. So I was a pioneer.
and everybody thought it was an idiot.
Shoe geniuses are never recognized in their time.
Shoe prodigy.
That whole tennis shoe thing just completely out of my wheelhouse.
Babysitters, I guess, are very expensive.
Now I'm happy that I have no knowledge on that topic.
Yeah, I would pay somebody a lot of money, though,
if I'm trusting them with my child.
You would what now?
I would pay somebody a lot of money if I was trusting them with my child.
I would have no issue, like dropping a, dropping some money.
extra cash on that.
It's not like the 70s when mom and dad would just get the nearest 12-year-old kid in the
neighborhood to come spend a few hours with their children.
You get somebody that's like CPR certified now and all that stuff.
All you got to buy is an iPad.
You can get one for like $200.
Oh, yeah.
Ronan engineer Jesus said he took his two kids to a movie.
Tickets, popcorn, snacks, $100.
Tickets, popcorn, snacks.
I remember going to Garfield, whenever the first Garfield came out.
And with our big kids were little at the time.
and it was 50 bucks for four of us.
And I still my wife, like, why do we even do this?
$50?
I mean, now that'd be a bargain.
Do you have any regrets?
Maybe Garfield.
Wasn't that the Bill Murrow line from that movie?
Concert tickets, we all know that.
The dentist.
Boy, I'm the foremost authority on this program now, aren't I?
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah, do you go now?
I do.
I was just there a few days ago.
Our cleanings are free.
Well, I shouldn't say free.
We pay insurance for.
But yeah, if you have any work, then you could be in some trouble.
How in God's name did I become a regular customer at my neighborhood dentist?
Your wife.
When I did not go there for 20 years.
It's good for you.
You were a fixer-upper and your wife has fixed you up.
Your teeth are gorgeous.
They do look good.
Yeah.
They're fake.
And then how do you say this, buying a house?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's expensive.
Anybody trying to do that, especially first-timers, I feel for you.
Could never ever do it on my own.
No.
That's impressive that people are able to do it on their own.
I mean, just since we moved in our neighborhood, the people across from us, just a couple years ago,
paid twice as much for essentially the same house.
Dude.
Twice as much.
It's ridiculous.
Ouch.
That hurts.
Now, they did have a pool.
You should tell them that.
Just let them know.
Just show them a receipt.
You see that?
I paid half.
Loser.
Now let me use your pool, you bitch.
Well, you know what?
They had to fill it in.
Oh, did they?
Yeah.
Yeah, I had people my old neighbor that did that.
Whatever was wrong with it, it was going to be so expensive to fix.
And they said, you know what, just sod that son of a bummer.
Well, now, speaking of the cost of everything, which is often.
the charts. We all know that. It's miserable. Again, if you want to put in the work,
like we said, if you really want to find a pair of $2 tennis shoes, you can do it. If you're
worried about having the hippest, latest, this and that, you're going to spend a few extra
bucks. We made the same conversation about how expensive movie tickets are. Printing Jesus said,
if you come to his neighborhood, there's two theaters in his neighborhood that are six bucks.
and he says their first-run movies.
Oh, wow.
I guess open up the newspaper.
What's going on?
You can find them.
I worked at a second-run theater, and it was 99 cents.
Yeah.
I got in trouble because, do you remember?
Touching yourself in the theater?
No, no, no.
That was encouraged.
Touching other people in the theater?
See, that's where the trouble began.
No, there was, I'm even nervous to mention his name,
but Bill Cosby was in a movie called Ghost Dance.
I remember that movie.
And so we had the old-fashioned sign where you have to put the letters up.
Get a giant stick and you put the letters up, right?
Cool, yeah.
And I put ghost dud up there.
Ghost dud.
Because the movie was reviewed so poorly.
And I was wondering, I just thought, I'll see how long this lasts.
And it lasted about a week.
You were playing a joke on the neighborhood.
Yeah, I just put ghost dud, and then I would say ghost dud when people would call and ask what we're playing and stuff like that.
And my boss got pretty pissed.
I thought, well, wait a minute.
Everybody that worked there was robbing that place blind except for me.
But go stud.
That got me in some trouble.
That's too far.
You were the movie theater, bad boy.
I'll tell you what, that was one of my first jobs.
And what I learned most on that job, it wasn't how to be a good employee.
It was how to rob a place blind if I wanted to.
You got to skim off the top a little bit.
Some of those were kind of brilliant schemes that these high school kids were getting away with.
I came up with a couple of my day.
What was during your run at the neighborhood theater, what was the biggest movie of that time where the people were lined up out the door?
We never had that.
Oh, because it was second run.
Oh, sorry.
Yeah, you mentioned that.
So most of the movies you had over there had been out for a year.
Yeah.
And it was like kind of a small, you know, the area wasn't like super popular.
so it wasn't like a hot spot in town where people were coming.
It's more for the neighborhood.
Here's another dude that texted in and said he's got theaters in his neighborhood
where you can get in for five bucks.
Yeah, not bad.
It's certain days.
Tuesdays.
Tuesdays?
Because I know there's deals, right?
Oh, yeah.
There always is.
But you have to bring your own chair.
And projector.
It's just a place they have a projector, but it's just a DVD player,
so you've got to bring your own DVD.
We'll put it up on the wall,
but you've got to bring your own movie.
movie. Our projector guy could be an
episode of Scooby-Doo, like just the
creepy guy behind the painting
with the eyes cut out. Oh, yeah.
He was so creepy.
They were protected. Those, the
reels of the film were protected.
We had like, essentially
the people that empty
ATMs, you know, right? Those
guys would carry it in with like a
suit. It's basically a suitcase, they're
handcuffed to. Oh, yeah. Wow, that sounds
awesome. Now
it's all, I'm assuming it's all computers.
site, you know, but back then when they ran.
And you'd hear the...
Oh, yep, you'd get it going.
And you couldn't even go in that room back
where the projector room was. It was so protected.
Because the guy was jagging it. Probably.
We used to bring bottled beer
into the movie theater.
Excelsior Docks, which I believe is still there.
They had the second-run movies.
Maybe they still do.
But when we were high school kids, we would
often head off to Excelsior to see the cheap
second-run movies. How are you?
you call it, you know, the ones that have been out for six, eight months, and everyone had already
seen it.
But we'd bring bottled beer into the theater.
What a bunch of frigging hillbillies?
Good Lord.
You just, I mean, but we wanted to, you know, get a good drunk on while we were in that theater
was one of, I don't remember how many of the had in there, maybe two different screens.
It's been a long time.
But one of them, for sure, was kind of a downhill plane.
Or maybe they all are.
I don't know.
But eventually, of course, every time someone would kick over their empty beer bottle,
and it would roll.
Oh, my God.
It would roll down.
That's so frigging dumb.
Trying to watch, you know, a pet cemetery or something dumb like that.
And there'd be the sound of this rolling old Milwaukee bottle all the way down to the son of a bitch who kicked over their empty.
You're listening to the 93x half-assed morning show, backtracks.
Hello, welcome back.
for being part of our very special
Janelle Klein reunion show
this morning. I'll say it again
we're so happy to see you back at the building
Janelle. What a treat to be here. I just
love you guys, miss you very much.
We miss you as well. Thanks for having me.
You told us you've been working your little ass off,
working for the NBA, for the playoff
and whatnot. A little bit.
What about a fun Jungle Jane
summer-style vacation? Are you a
summer vacation type of a person?
I would say less in the summer, just
because I love Minnesota so much.
as we all do.
But I'm not against it.
Like I loved, I would say like as a kid, we used to do a ton of those.
Oh, yeah.
Where'd you go as a kid with the family?
Well, my parents worked in education, so they always had summers off.
So then we would always do like a big road trip somewhere or, you know, sometimes fly too.
But yeah, like all over.
Give us the highlight and give us the road trip or airplane ride that was totally miserable.
And you wish you would have been anywhere but there.
Oh, God.
Well, I have some crazy stories that no one really came.
cares to hear, but I remember one time, probably like second.
Josh would care to hear them.
Josh, you and I will get together and I'll tell you my dumb, boring kid vacation stories.
I remember being like second or third grade, we drove to Florida to go to Disney World.
Oh my God.
That's a whole.
That's a long way.
How old were you?
I'm sorry?
Probably like second or third guy.
I bet you didn't care.
Did you about the drive?
You were so excited to go to Disney.
Two adults?
How many kids in the car?
Just me and my sister in the back seat.
You were like Rusty and Audrey back there.
So cool.
And the highlight was a.
Chucky cheese in St. Louis.
It wasn't Disney World? It was
Chucky cheese. Well, I mean, Disney was
cool, too. Jeez, it was kind of like the
Griswold. You stopped in St. Louis.
Only you probably knew where you were
going at the time. The Griswolds had a little trouble
when they swung through St. Louis. You stopped
in St. Louis. Went to Chucky Cheese.
Yep. Graseland in
Memphis. So we went there.
Really? Yeah. I mean, obviously
I had no idea who Elvis was and didn't
care, but, you know, still. As a
kid, you just, you don't care. You just go to whatever.
Yeah, you're doing things with your parents.
You're having a blast.
And you ended up.
And you're getting pizza.
And yeah, exactly.
Ended up in Florida at Disney World.
Yes.
So that was one of the highlights.
Yeah.
What about a family vacation that kind of turned out to be a turd?
You know, we always had pretty fun times.
I will say this.
So my dad is from South Dakota and he would go to Mount Rushmore like every day if you would let him.
Here we go.
I want to go.
These guys tell me it's not worth it.
No, I think it's worth it.
I 100% think it's worth it.
I mean, it's cool, but it's like, okay, you look at it and then you're like, now what?
100%.
It's funny that you say this because just a few days ago, we were having a conversation on whether or not, we enjoyed our trip to Mount Rushmore.
Dana and I both thought it was exactly the way you described.
You looked at it.
You appreciate it for about 10 seconds.
And then you think to yourself, now what?
Ashley enjoyed it.
Josh is yet to go.
And I think, Josh, you came off kind of surprised.
at how
what's the word?
Dana and I were so blank.
Underwhelmed.
I thought about going this year, you know, the 250th.
Oh, you sure.
But I just wonder if you can even get anywhere close to it.
Oh, probably not.
It gets busy on like a regular day.
You'll have your wallet lifted and your ass kick within 10 minutes.
There'll be so many people.
Yeah, but for America.
It is so cool.
It is faces carved in a rock.
That is incredible.
Incredible.
The only incredible part about Ashley was
the ice cream cone I got to the gift shop.
Their ice cream is really good.
Everybody gets it.
That is very true.
Can I get a twist cone?
But I loved it.
Faces carved in a rock.
Okay, yeah.
Again, but that...
No much effort that takes.
I'm sure it takes a hell of a lot of effort,
but how long is it supposed to hold me there?
I feel like you have...
They do fireworks too on the way, though,
which is kind of hard in South Dakota,
but you got to do like wall drug and you got to do like hot springs
and you got to do like other stuff.
Wait, I want to do black hills, dead.
Yeah, Dad would.
You got to do the other stuff.
I did that whole entire trip when I was in high school with my boyfriend at the time's family.
And it was one of the funnest trips I've ever been on.
Like, I want to go back to South Dakota.
All right.
What do you make of this now?
Oh, my damn.
Well, first off, there's a somewhat interesting story going around about how less and less people are going on vacations this summer, the cost, the this, the that.
Totally understand.
Yeah, no kidding.
Gas prices. It affects everything.
You know, maniacs running around.
I was texted, a listener texted with,
this is a very unique vacation idea.
This listener says he and a friend enjoy visiting rundown neighborhoods.
So this year they're going to go to Milwaukee, Gary, Indiana,
Lansing, Michigan, Cleveland, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, Indianapolis, and St. Louis.
Are you trying to die?
This is a unique thing.
I mean, hell, I know people who visit graveyards and think it's very interesting.
This is according to a listener, their vacation idea, they enjoy hitting up.
What do they call it again?
Dying cities?
Run down neighborhoods.
Why?
I don't know.
Does he say why?
He does not say why.
Is it to, like, make fun of them?
I don't know their motivation, but it is very unique.
Maybe kind of similar.
My ex and I, we had a run about five, six years in a row where we spent Valentine's Day weekend in lovely Des Moines, Iowa.
Just because it's...
Oh, isn't that, like, something weird with you, though?
Oh, there's an arcade there that we really liked, so we just, that would be the weekend.
We'd go to the down there to the arcade.
We really liked?
No, yeah, she was huge into vintage video games, too.
She was, okay.
Yeah.
And the average, she had, Des Moines is a very fun city.
They have a lot of cool bars, a lot of cool restaurants.
That's the one that has like the bridge, right?
Yes.
Yeah, that place is pretty cool.
They have a bridge in that city.
Yeah, that place is pretty cool.
Des Moines, Iowa.
All right.
Well, I remember driving through Detroit in 1996.
I saw some things that I...
I saw some damn things.
I imagine it's a lot worse now.
No, I've heard Detroit's got a lot better.
Really?
It's completely different.
That surprises me.
Usually it goes, you know, keeps going down.
A friend of mine who goes there every year says it is absolutely a different world than it was in the 80s and the 90s.
My parents went there, the gophers played a bowl game a couple of years ago, so they went to that bowl game.
Oh, yeah.
And my parents, like, if they see a teenager walking down the street, they get frightened.
And they said they felt perfectly safe in Detroit.
So, I mean, that says a lot.
If my parents thought Detroit was safe and clean and wonderful, then truly they have made a comeback.
So they haven't, they don't have teenagers there, you're saying.
Yeah, no teenagers loud in downtown Detroit.
I've never heard of that before.
Going to the worst neighborhoods you could imagine, that's something.
Maybe he'll get back to us and tell us what motivates them on this trip.
It's pretty funny.
That's pretty funny.
You know how people just have, there's a certain thing, a little quirk that they want to go.
Like my, this isn't really a quirk, maybe, but my mother-in-law wants to see all the
Major League Baseball parts before she dies.
That's such a dream of mine.
At least in the American League.
For sure, the American League, and if she can make it to both, that'd be great.
So that's something she wants to do.
How far away is she from completing her goal?
I think she's halfway there, maybe a little more.
I'll have to ask her.
Jesus, that's a lot left to go.
Yeah, there are.
I mean, what are there?
30 teams?
32, yeah, I'm not sure.
31, too.
Thank you for the text coming.
I'm going to have to save some of these texts about all the cool places in South Dakota to go see.
And a lot of people are saying, yeah, Mount Rushmore, worth it.
And you can take a helicopter ride over it?
Yes, you can.
Is that South Dakota, that's Deadwood, right?
Yes, Deadwood is so.
cool, Josh. They do like reenactments there in like the street.
Yeah, I want to do that. Also a crazy horse. I'd like to see that.
Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep.
Yeah, when we drove through Detroit, we were there to see, we were going there to see the very
first Kiss reunion concert when they originally got back together in 1996.
My buddy, Dane and I were so excited. We couldn't control ourselves.
and for a year, that Kiss reunion was perfect.
They sold out shows wherever they went.
They got along.
It was just beautiful.
So we wanted to be at the very first official Kiss reunion show,
so we drove to Detroit, Michigan,
in the hot-ass summer of 96.
And my dad, being an over-the-road truck driver,
I asked him, where do I want to go and where do I not want to go in Detroit?
And he said, well, when you're going to go,
You get to this point and this road and this, don't go down.
For those of you who know the neighborhood, I'm just throwing this out there to help the story.
Don't go down Highway 8.
He said, of all places, don't drive Highway 8 into Detroit, right?
So Dane and I are exhausted.
We're almost there.
I actually was asleep in the passenger seat, and I woke up, and it looked like we were in a post-a-lop.
How do you say it, Josh?
Post-apocalyptic?
Movie.
Was it eight mile?
Oh, no.
See, I was just throwing the number out there.
No.
I woke up and Dane said, yeah, you know, that turn, your dad warned us not to make.
And I said, yeah, and he said, I think I made it.
So this long stretch of highway going into Detroit, the majority of everything we saw was burned out buildings.
It was really, truly unbelievable.
And I'd seen some things up to that point in my life, but I'd never seen anything like that.
We were basically the only people on the road because no one else was dumb enough to take that stretch.
Anyway, the highlight of that tense handful of miles until we got to the ballpark, the show was at Tiger Stadium.
At one point or another, we were passed.
Remember, this was the Kiss Reunion show, and the hundreds of thousands of people came to Detroit for this event.
It was a huge deal for Kiss fans.
We got past, a dude in the left-hand shoulder, passed us going about 100,
miles an hour in a Dodge Omni and he was dressed head to toe like Peter Chris. He had the outfit.
He had the makeup. He had the wig. He goes blowing past us. And I said, dude, somebody is dying to get
to this show even worse than we are. Right. About five minutes later, we pass Peter Chris standing on the
outside of his destroyed Dodge Omni because the poor bastard lost control and hit a telephone.
phone pole or something like that.
So there's this poor guy with this broken Dodge Omni and the police everywhere
standing there with the sad Peter Chris look on his face.
I don't know if you ever made it to the show, but that was something.
All right, based on all the texts and thanks everyone for texting in.
651, 989, 93, if you want to chime in too.
I got to go to South Dakota.
I got to see all these different things.
People are coming up with great.
You would love it, Josh.
So if we take some time off around the fourth, I got to go.
You do.
I'm going to pack up a cooler of Diet American Doe,
and I'm going to head out there and celebrate the 250th in style.
Dude, can I come with?
Yeah.
What have they been saying to you that has you convinced now?
Just how cool it is.
The whole area.
I'm trying to keep up.
Again, there's a lot of people who have gone out there and really enjoy a lot.
I think I saw something called the wind caves.
I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with it.
And it's not that far to go to, I think it's Wyoming.
I'm not really good at geographical type of things.
And they have the Devil's Tower there.
that's super dope.
Don't text about my mom.
I see him coming in.
Don't do that.
Devil's Tower.
Devil's Tower.
Devil's Three Way.
Hey, Cubby, we hope you have a great time.
I mean, I made that trip.
Jesus.
How old am I now?
54.
This is 35 years ago.
You know.
And also, I thought it was okay.
You know, we stopped there and here.
We saw Crazy Horse, Mount Rushmore, all of these things.
I just, I wasn't terribly thrilled by it.
I hope you have the time of you.
your life. It just didn't grab me in the moment. I think
it's the length of the drive. If it was like two hours
away, I'm sure I would have loved it a lot more.
It's just kind of, you drive 10 hours and you're just
kind of, oh. But I think I would have appreciated
more if it's a shorter drive. I like long
drives, but I hear what you're saying. So that
reminds me, Dana, I'm going to need to borrow slash
never plan to repay some gas money.
Perfect. I bet that's
going to be expensive. I'll go start
siphoning some cars overnight tonight. Yeah, just
drill into lifted trucks gas tanks.
That's what the new trend is.
Half-assed morning show.
93x.
We're about done here.
Janelle Klein has been hanging out with us this morning.
It's been a long time since Janelle spent some time with the program, and it's been fun.
It's been a blast.
We hope you come back.
For sure.
We know you're a busy lady.
We got to talking about vacations.
Janelle was telling us every summer her family would travel together to the Avian Awards.
Avian Awards.
Bird feet.
Have a great.
No, your family would go on a vacation every summer together.
Yep.
You'd pile into the car.
You'd go to Florida.
You'd go to, what were some other places again?
I can't remember.
Oh, gosh.
I mean, yeah, we flew sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, so we went all over.
Airplane rides.
My parents love travel.
Yeah.
Josh wants to go to the damn Black Hills and see the friggin' Mount Rushmore set up
and all that he wants to go so bad he can taste it.
I want to see everything.
All these great texts coming in with suggestions.
Yeah, like I said, if we take some time off around the fourth,
That'd be worth going, I think.
But I just need the gas money, if you don't mind.
Got a text message from a listener who claims he and his friend like to go on really unique road trip-type vacations,
including doing a tour of some of the most run-down cities you could think of.
At least, you know, the image of these cities is that they're rundown and crime-ridden and things like that.
People have unique ideas like that.
I mentioned, I know people who get a rise out of visiting graveyards and taking pictures of the tombstones and dark, dark things like that.
Now, how about this idea?
What does this say?
Oh, apparently there's a guy out there who, a listener, I wouldn't know, but a listener convinces me this is some kind of a popular YouTube type guy who travels to different places immediately after a natural.
disaster. Oh, wow.
Because he's somehow drawn to that.
So a tornado whips through a small town. The guy goes and hangs out there for a few days.
I hope he's helping. Get out of there if you're not helping.
A tsunami, I don't know. I wasn't aware of things like this.
The dark vibe road trip or vacation. I wasn't aware of that.
There's a lot of YouTubers, too, that visit abandoned locations.
You know, like abandoned malls, abandoned amusement parks, and kind of tours around and looks at them.
Yeah, that looks sweet.
They dig that, huh?
Yeah.
And I admit, I've seen some.
It's kind of fascinating stuff.
Here's where the orange Julius used to be.
And they stay inside.
They're allowed to stay inside.
No, they usually have to break in.
Those places are haunted.
Josh, don't go to the Corn Palace.
Over and over again, people are telling you not to go to the Corn.
Oh, yeah, you can skip right over that.
Yeah, there has not been one person that I've seen who is recommended to Corn Palace is quite the opposite.
It's not even completely made out of corn.
That's what I was looking for.
That doesn't be.
makes sense. Yeah, it's just filled with corn things, corn stature. I thought like the whole entire
building was going to be like, just like, you know, fresh corn that you buy from the store.
The whole world is a lie. I have been there, but again, it was 35 years ago. I don't remember
much about the corn. Have you been there, a Jenelle? Oh, yes, I forgot about that. I think I got some
corn flavored gum when I was there. Stupid. Gross. Oh, really? I'd try that, even though it does
sound gross. It was disgusting. That and bacon gum. You guys ever tried baking gum?
No. Not worth it. Kind of glad we moved past the everything.
needs to be bacon-flavored face.
Yeah, that's weird.
You know, if I'm going to chew corn gum or bacon gum,
I'm not so worried about myself.
I'm worried about the next person I have a conversation with face-to-face.
They're going to be disgusted.
Corn-gum breath.
That doesn't seem right.
You know, before we go, we got texted quite a bit on this,
and we never really had the time to get around to it, but we do now.
A lot of our listeners were pretty bummed.
out by the passing of an actor by the name of Donald Gibb.
I could not even make out what that was.
Nerds.
Oh, Don Gibb when he was Oger.
Sorry, it didn't compute in my ears there.
Hit it one more time.
From Revenge of the Nerds, Donald Gibb, who played Oger in that wonderful, wonderful
movie from 1984, he has passed away.
Yeah, that's too bad.
I was very intimidated by him.
I was a kid watching that movie.
He scared me.
I wouldn't want to be on his bad side.
Those nerds were in trouble.
Boy, that burping contest he had with...
Oh, he dominated.
I just tried to load that up, but our computer's not working.
The burping contest that he had with Dudley Dawson, otherwise known as Booger.
And Ogre's real name was...
Polowatsky?
I wish I could remember the first name.
Oger is gone.
Frederick Polowalski.
Frederick Polowalski.
Polowoski. Frederick Aloasius,
Polagoski. Aluasius or
Aloisius? I don't know.
I'm not sure, and you know what? That's not my problem.
I just took a flyer on to Josh. I thought it
trying to sound confident with it, but I have no idea. I could be wrong.
Also starred in Josh, did you follow the Bloodsport
movie series? No, but it seems like I should have.
I remember a little bit of Donald Gibb.
My folks wouldn't let me. And then the old HBO football sitcom called First and
10.
Yeah, I hadn't, I read about that one, but I'd never heard of it.
You had?
Oh, yeah.
We didn't have HBO, though.
When I would visit Friends places in the 80s, my friends who had cable, I would try to get them to turn on first in 10 because I was such a football fan back then.
And it was a funny show.
So to the friends and family of Donald Gibb, our condolences.
He was a very funny, very capable comedy supporting actor, Donald.
Gib was. Revenge of the Nerd is legendary. Yeah. Played a good tough guy.
Janelle, thanks for everything. Oh, so good to be here, guys. And we hope to see you very soon.
For sure.
93.
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You know, what's going on, man?
It's Andre Burtow, two-time world champion.
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from a fighter's perspective.
My jeep. What's going on? Caleb Klaz. What's going on? What's going on? What? Now you've got a chance to really draw in your audience to let them see who you are. I've had to have a lot of internal talks to say, do I even want to carry on?
But spiders, we know what time it is. Like, I think the time is now. Square up. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's go.
It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions. It's Dr. Andrea.
On the 93x half-assed morning show.
Yeah, here she is in studio with us this morning.
Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital over there in Minnetonka.
651-9-9-933 is the text number if you want to ask the vet.
How you been, Andrea?
Oh, good. It's great. It's been a while since I've been here.
Been a month or something?
You've been pretty busy at times.
Yeah, it's been a little chaotic.
You and, yeah, you and Cubby were just talking about the last days of school here.
Yeah.
Both his parents of students.
What a hell of...
a deal, huh? Man, yeah. I mean, there's something every day. Kindergarten graduation today.
What time is it at, if you don't let me asking? Is it like in the middle of the day?
One o'clock. Yeah. One to two 30. I'm like, we have jobs. I know. There's a kindergarten
graduation. Yeah. You have to go and watch them. I mean, it's like. No, they did that. No.
Yeah, they do it for like preschool, kindergarten, fifth grade. We had none of that. Yeah.
We had none of that. Did you go through that, Josh? Yeah. Really? Oh, definitely.
Even I did back in the day
We had a kindergarten graduation
Oh for Christ's sake
So you have
And Josh you guys have
The kids getting out of school here today
Tomorrow
Is it exciting or we covered this a few days ago
There are a lot of parents who say
Oh Jesus balls
Now I've got to keep an eye on these bastards
It's a whole different game
In the summer
You know because then I'm at work getting phone calls
Can I go here? Can I go there?
Oh my mom's
So and so bothering me
Even though I have someone helping, right?
They have a sitter, but it's like, hey, can I have a lemonade stand?
I'm like, not now.
I used to call my mom's work phone, like the landline at her job all the time.
And it would be for minors.
I still know the number.
You're trying to.
I mean, you've got a very stressful, important job, and the phone's ringing about lemonade stands.
And Joey down the street, we're having a squabble.
What do I do kind of a thing?
Yeah.
Well, and I got them some e-scoaters.
which I'm regretting because now they're pushing the limits.
Like, can I go to Starbucks? No.
They want to go all the way across town.
Yeah, you can't do that.
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
I'm pleased to hear that your kids want to sell lemonade.
The lemonade stand because when my daughter was little,
she didn't get any takers when she was selling Dixie Cups full of Caterpillars.
Oh, I would have bought one.
Well, what was she asking?
I don't know what the price was.
Maybe it was crazy high prices, but, yeah,
she for some reason thought maybe she could make some money selling caterpillars.
Who knew there were so many caterpillars around us sell?
We had a lot of caterpillars.
Oh, man.
You know what my kids do actually sell with the lemonade is chicken eggs,
and those are a hot item.
Oh, yeah?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
They go into the coop and grab a bunch of eggs, and people are wanting to buy them.
Wow.
Yeah.
That's a very good idea.
I wonder what lemonade and over-easy egg would do to my stomach on a hot summer day.
Serious trouble.
Here's the deal.
651-9-893-93 if you want to ask our vet friend, Andrea, a question.
Earlier we were joking around with punny names for dogs.
We were trying to put hockey-related punny names on dogs.
Do you encounter a lot of pets?
This was a question from a listener.
Do you encounter a lot of pets with silly, awful punny names?
Have you ever treated a dog named Charles Barkley or anything like that?
You know, it's more so, less so of that, more so, like, people will name their dogs after random people.
Like, Lester Holt from the Today Show.
That's random.
That's pretty random.
Right?
I like that.
I like that's good.
You're like, weird, you're like, where'd you come up?
I used to have a client whose dog's name was Fonty Mike Johnson.
Fonty.
Fonty, Mike Johnson.
Mike Johnson.
The background on that?
No clue.
Just the strangest name.
Oh, yeah.
My sister had a...
It's cold when people go that route.
My sister had a cat named Donald Vernon, but that was named after...
Yeah, I remember him.
Do you remember Donald Vernon?
Yeah, he was great.
Big fat, tough bastard.
He was named after a family friend.
Yeah, listeners were curious if you ever treated any...
No, it's more so I love the, like, Franks and Carls and Bruce's and Kevin.
I think those are kind of fun.
We had a goss.
I like that name.
Sure.
Yeah.
But didn't you say Charlie's pretty polite?
about Charlie, Bella.
We broke Dana's chops pretty good when he told us he was dating a gal with a dog named Charlie.
We're like, oh, real unique name.
Jesus, balls.
It's like buddy.
Buddy.
You can't turn a corner without tripping over a dog named Charlie.
Here's a question about a four-year-old female golden retriever who within the last couple weeks started having accidents, licking her butt, scooting her butt,
Could this be anything other than a UTI?
Well, if she's scooting her butt, she probably needs her anal glands checked.
Oh.
And that comes along with allergies this time of year.
So if you're smelling that, like, tinny, metallic, fishy smell,
and she's scooting and licking back there, I check her for a UTI and have her anal glands expressed.
Yeah, that smell.
So bad.
We almost always come around to a conversation about that smell.
So powerful.
It is.
Dr. Andrea, our pit bulls.
prone to heart failure?
Not necessarily.
I wouldn't put them on the top of the list.
I mean, boxers are, cavaliers are.
I wouldn't say that they're more predisposed than other dogs.
Okay.
A listener was just curious.
He has a three-year-old pit bull.
How do you say this?
I have one that has congenitive heart failure.
And that dog has been around for three years.
I have another one of my pit bulls that's just come down with it.
At that age?
No. Both, they came down to it, came down with it at seven years of age.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I mean, if they're from the same breeder, the same family, yeah, there could be a genetic
component.
They're also old-ish that maybe they're developing heart disease as they get older.
And if they're mixed with like a boxer and they're not pure pit bull, it's possible that they're more predisposed.
But, yeah, we see a lot of heart disease, how lot of heart disease, how long.
lot of heart murmurs at older ages.
Yeah. Seven is getting up there for a pit bull?
I mean, these days, I feel like it is.
Seeing dogs, unfortunately, die younger than they used to.
Weird.
It's a sad thing to say, but yeah.
Trucker Jesus said he has a daughter that wants to be a vet tech.
Can you recommend some of the better schools to go?
Yeah, so this is a big issue right now in the industry
is a lot of the technician schools are closing just because they don't.
have the money to fund them.
So a lot of them have closed, but there is an online one called Penn Foster that a lot of our
technicians will use.
You have to get clinic experience, but the online one is a good option.
Yeah.
Now, back to the punny names.
One of our listeners has a dog named Jonathan Chichu.
Chew at the ass end of the name Choo.
Wasn't that a football player, hockey player?
Who the hell was Jonathan Chichu?
I don't know. I swear to God he was an athlete.
Here's a question for Dr. Andrea.
Are you allowed to treat your own pets?
Yeah.
Okay.
For sure.
Yeah.
I treat my own pets.
Is there a rule?
This listener claims that there's a rule against doctors and surgeons treating their own loved ones?
I mean, like I neutered my own dog.
Okay.
Like if it came to having to like make an end of life decision for my dogs, I don't do that.
have someone else do that, obviously.
But, like, no.
There's no, I mean, most veterinarians treat their own pets.
All right.
Yeah, but there's no rule or law.
Fair enough.
Is there a rule or a law against doctors treating their own loved ones?
Does anyone know that one?
The TV shows and the movies make it seem like there is.
Oh, is that right?
Yeah, they're like, no, no, no, you can't do that.
That's your best friend.
They're like, but I'm the only one I can save them.
Too bad, you can't.
Sorry.
They're going to die.
That was almost like I was sitting in front of my television.
Yeah, exactly.
I remember that scene.
That was from Gray's Anatomy, right, Ashley?
Yes, it was a couple times.
I'm going to look that up because I'm curious if doctors and surgeons are...
I think they choose not to.
Okay.
Right?
It's like too close to home.
I don't know.
The guilt if you screwed up.
That would make sense.
Yeah, grandma's on her way out.
You know, maybe I don't want to be the one to try to put her back together because if I screw her up,
then the whole family's going to turn on me.
Got a question here.
Take my money.
About micro mini cattle.
What is that?
Can they come into the regular vet or would an...
An ag vet be something.
An ag vet.
For sure.
I mean, so many people are getting pigs and they're, like, you know, they have them.
They walk around the house.
They live in the house.
Same thing with these micro mini cattle.
So do they have, like, are they talking about, like, miniature highland cows?
Yes.
Oh, I'm lucky.
Yes.
They're so cute, but they're a lot of work.
Same thing with pigs.
A lot of work to live with.
Yeah, they need someone to be stimulating them all the time, playing with them.
They'll chew everything.
All right, here we go.
Here's what I found on the godless.
I asked, can doctors and surgeons treat their own family members?
In the United States, there is no federal law that outright bans a physician from treating
a family member, but the practice is strongly discouraged by the American Medical Association.
Makes sense.
All right.
Oh, yes.
And it's what we were discussing.
Personal feelings can cloud professional judgment.
Sensitive questions or exams may be avoided due to discomfort.
There you go.
Here's a cat, Dr. Andrea, that won't stop.
eating grass.
Every summer,
every summer he goes outside and licks off all the grass,
and it licks off his own fur.
Oh, here we go.
This must be an allergy.
Off air you were saying.
Yeah, allergies this time of year are so bad.
But if they're trying to eat the grass,
a lot of times their stomach's upset and they're wanting to vomit,
where they just want to, like, try and induce vomiting themselves.
Sometimes they have like reflux disease and they'll do that.
But cats also are kind of goofy like that too.
Yeah, they are.
And they probably just like it.
Well, somebody, kind of a related question,
somebody said, why would my cat be eating plastic?
And how do I get them to stop doing that?
Yeah.
I mean, that's like cats and dogs eating their own poop.
They just do weird things.
They do strange things.
And they obviously like it.
Maybe it feels good on their teeth.
I just try and avoid exposure to it.
can't really stop them unless you get rid of it.
Leonardo DiCatrio.
Excellent.
It's a great one.
Cleo Catra.
Wonderful.
Jonathan Chichu played in the National Hockey League for the Sharks and Senators.
I knew I had something there.
We're here with Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital.
651-989-93.
Is the number, if you'd like to ask her a question.
Oh, this goofy story we had a few days ago, Josh, that none of us bought.
But we should ask a professor.
professional. Someone in China has come up with a device that you hang around a pet's neck.
Oh, boy.
And it reads their body in some way or another to where when the dog makes a sound, they will translate that sound into a human voice.
So they claim in the future we're going to be able to fully understand what our dogs need with this device hanging around their neck.
How much of that do you believe?
Zero percent.
Right, okay.
You're with the rest of this.
Yes, darn.
How?
I was hoping you were like, yes.
It was some kind of AI
pet translation software, just complete.
I mean, they would do that for babies then.
Like human babies.
If that's the case.
Like, why is she crying?
That's a good point.
Let's start there.
Who cares if the dog has a tack in his paw?
Who cares?
Let's see what's wrong with the babies first.
Right.
Yeah, apparently over in China,
they're coming up with that and they're already asking for money, you know, to work.
Wow.
I do have weird dogs.
I'd love to know kind of some of the motivations behind the stuff they do.
Yeah, one of mine is just going to be so much judgment.
I can just tell by the look on his face.
He's such a judgey little prick.
I always wish there was one day a year where you could just talk to your dog in full English.
Does you get 24 hours once a year?
Chat with them.
What do you need, man?
What am I doing?
Am I doing new things right?
Do you need anything done differently?
That would be fun.
I don't know if I want that.
I don't know if I'd want to actually hear the actual voice of my dog.
Because, like, you made up one in your head.
It's like when you read a book and then you see the movie.
Yeah, it's the worst.
You have a character in your mind, don't you?
Uh-huh.
When you picture your dogs and cats, you have a character and a personality that you think fits them.
But maybe it would go the other way.
They're a total douche and you're no longer one.
Famously, Reacher, Ashley, where it's like Reacher's this giant character, the Reacher character.
and they have Tom Cruise playing him.
It makes no sense.
It's not what you picture.
And then the TV show, it's like, finally, yes, that's perfect.
That's what I picture, yes.
One more question before we take a break,
and it's about a DNA test for your pet.
Yeah.
Have any of us done this?
No.
The question, I've heard of it,
and I think we've covered it before, but I'm not sure.
What pet DNA test would you recommend?
Yeah.
So I recommend the Wisdom Panel test.
you ordered online, I think it's like 60 to 80-ish bucks, and it's a Q-tip swab. The dog has to be
fasted and you just, or cat, or I've actually never done it on a cat, but you swab the inside of
their mouth or their gums, get some saliva and submit it. It's fascinating what it comes back.
I mean, there's always like a percentage that's unknown, but they'll give you a percentage of what
your dog is. It's very interesting. It's really cool. My husband did something like that with his
dog before I met him.
And it wasn't that one that you just mentioned.
It was some other one.
And you could go on there and see
who his relatives were.
Like if somebody else in a different city in a different
state did the
DNA test, they would
be on that site. And like he
found like a dog that was I guess
considered like his cousin.
It was so cool. Actually that same thing
after my sister last week. About a year ago
they rescued a dog little spicy nugget
named Griff, short for Griffith.
Cute.
And they did a DNA test, tried to figure out, you know, what's his deal?
Where is he from?
And just recently it popped up that his dad was rescued.
He had been living in a barn just being bred like crazy.
And he was first time in a house.
His name was Phoenix.
And he looked really cute.
Seven-year-old Phoenix.
So found out who Griff's dad is.
Yeah, that's so cool.
You see, kind of like the, you know, this magic idea they have in China where you can wrap a collar around a dog's throat and it'll speak to you.
Ashley, why would your husband spend that kind of money to figure out his dog
when he could spend that kind of money to try to figure you out?
It was a gift.
It was a gift.
You'd think you'd want to try to figure out what the hell makes you tick as opposed to as...
It's Dr. Andrea.
On the 93X-half-ass morning show.
We got a few more minutes.
We got a few more minutes with Dr. Andrea Johnston,
our veterinarian pal from German Animal Hospital and Minnetonka.
Listeners have been texted in some questions, and we do have a few more minutes to spare.
We've been talking about pets with punny names.
Here's a listener who texted in to tell us that they own a snake that they call Hissy Elliott.
That's a good one.
This is an interesting question for a vet.
It's kind of sad concerning.
This listener says my indoor cat got out of the house.
Is there any chance that he'll come back?
Yes. Yes.
Yeah.
They just like to go on a little vacation for a while.
It's shocking how they can survive out there.
And then they come back, you're like, where are you been?
Yeah.
I like that about kids.
They want to live a little.
They want to run around and get a load to the neighbor.
Kill some animals.
Yeah.
As long as a coyote or a car hasn't gotten them.
I mean, they're usually pretty good.
That's the fear.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Finish this halfway in, Jesus, as a 12-year-old basset hound, that overweight.
I'll share that name with Mixed Company.
I can't believe he just did that.
Well, I don't know.
you're talking about.
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe I was hearing things.
You got a dirty mind, bro.
I do.
I've got a dirty mind.
Where, well, okay.
Not overweight.
Last few months, though, she gets really hot when she's sleeping,
wakes up panting like she's overheating,
having almost like panic attacks at night.
But they keep her in a cool room with a fan on her,
but it still seems to happen.
Yeah, if she's older and it's at night,
my guess is she's probably getting a little doggy dementia
or cognitive dysfunction,
where the panting may not be that she's hot, but she's anxious.
So they get confused at night.
They can't see as well.
Their sleep-wake cycle gets off, and they get anxious.
So my guess is she's probably not overheating.
She's probably looking for her owners, a little confused, just like an elderly person at that time.
What should they do?
So you can try melatonin.
You could do like five milligrams of melatonin at night before bed.
Sometimes you need like stronger sedatives, like tracodon and stuff too, or Prozac.
Lots of Prozac.
Yeah.
There you go.
Yeah, just like old folks.
Yep, just like old people.
Here's what I would believe is a question from an owner of an older dog because their question says,
is a bluish gray tint in my dog's eyes, the sign of glaucoma?
I get that all the time.
People are like, I think she has cataracts.
Oh, cataracts.
It's actually, the majority of the time, it's called lenticular sclerosis where the lens just scars.
can still see fine. It just looks cloudy. But if the eyes like bulging or big or she's pawing at it
or rubbing it, then get it checked out because it could be something like a coma. Okay.
Yeah. Bang, bang, Jesus said his cat has the worst twitches. She'll be sitting there all of a sudden
her face head shakes. Best way I can describe it is she reacts like it would if I stuck a blade of
grass up your nose when you weren't looking. What gives? So it's, that, that's,
There is actually a condition called feline hyperesthesia syndrome where they like their fur twitches.
Like it looks like it's kind of moving on their body.
Oh yeah.
It is a condition that I see periodically.
A lot of times I'll use gabapentin to help minimize it.
It's not painful.
It's just like spasming of their skin.
Yeah, I've seen that twitch.
It's nerve related.
Yeah.
See, there is medication you can use to manage it.
I always thought it look kind of cool with my cat when p p p p p p pom, boom, boom.
Like you said, the fur kind of quick.
Yeah.
Yeah, and that's normal to some extent.
If it's aggressive and all the time, then yeah, then probably has that.
Here's another cat question.
This is very interesting.
A listener believes that he or she has suddenly discovered an extra toe on one of his cat's paws.
I love that.
How long have you had this cat?
He or she does not say.
The polydactyl, that's what it's called.
Is this concerning at all?
No.
No.
You know, Ernest Hemingway?
you know, the famous Hermit Ernest Hemingway.
Josh would know, but yeah, the rest is.
He has a place in Key West, or he had a place in Key West,
and all he owned was polydactyl cats.
So they all had multiple digits.
They're the best.
They're like little mitts, little muffin mitts that they just like,
so cute.
That is cute.
Nothing to be worried about.
No, no, it's awesome.
Yeah.
Here's a 10-year-old rat terrier named Bow.
Named what?
Bo.
That's cute.
Swollen right paw.
having a little trouble walking on it.
He's been licking it pretty good the last couple of days.
He sent a picture.
It says it's not the greatest photo, but I don't know if you can tell there.
Yeah, I can.
Looks like he might have, either he stepped on something and he's got like something stuck in there.
Or he could have an interdigital cyst where, unfortunately, it's like a deep skin infection.
Otherwise, I'd get it checked out.
Sometimes we can see like nail bed tumors and stuff like that.
get that looked at.
Mm.
Yeah.
A listener is texting in, and I'm sure you've heard of this.
You were talking about cats with the extra toes, and you said they were kind of like muffin mittens.
This listener says, murder mittens is a better name, maybe.
Your cat can do that much more damage to you if you cross the sum bitch.
Oh, they're so cute.
One more final final here on my end, at least.
This is very funny.
A listener says, I have a neighbor who has a wallab bee.
No.
What?
A wallaby.
Yeah, it's like an Australian wild animal.
Oh, is that like a dog?
No.
No.
What am I thinking of?
I'm thinking of a dingo.
I was thinking of a dingo.
Yeah, a wallaby is like a kangaroo-looking thing.
Oh.
Okay, the question is, I have a neighbor who has a wallaby.
How the F does one go about getting one?
I don't know.
And where do you go to care for it?
Yeah, pretty sure it's illegal for a wallaby.
Yeah.
Well, I got to look it up.
So unless they have some weird license to have it, I don't know of many veterinarians.
We'll see it.
Call the zoo.
Malabie.
Yeah.
Pretty sure it's illegal.
It looks like it.
Jesus, a shoe came up on my internet.
Wallaby, animal.
Yeah, it's like a little kangaroo.
Yeah.
Oh, you can't have one of them damn things.
I wonder if they're a pain.
Or if they're not that difficult to have something.
I can imagine they're probably wanting to be somewhere else besides that person's house.
I'd imagine.
Cubby, it looks like it could just kick the living hell out of you.
Oh, I'm sure.
With those back, legs who kicked the piss out of you.
I will tell you, when I was in vet school, we had to take a class on, like, illegal animals coming into the United States
and how people would get these, like, crazy lizards and spiders, and they put them in, like, the craziest things in their suitcases to get through the airport.
Right.
So I don't know how they got that wallaby here, but.
God, dang.
Yeah, really.
I know.
They're smuggling wallabies all of a sudden.
Well, like I said earlier, you and Josh were trading parent stories when we were off air about school wrapping up.
Yeah.
You want to tell us what you're up against tonight?
We were getting a kick out of it off there.
Tomorrow night.
Yeah.
Because one of your kids is out of school now.
Yeah, my 13-year-olds having 17 girls sleepover.
That's way too many.
Right?
I wouldn't even be able to fit that many people in my house.
Well, but you know what, that age, you could sleep standing up.
That's true.
We would sleep anywhere.
We'd have like four girls in a queen bed.
Pile them up on the floor.
Yeah.
A 17-person sleepover.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, we're having, I can't believe it's that many.
I hope you have like 17 pizzas coming.
And a well-stocked booze cabinet for yourself.
Do you want us to send over a boy band or something?
That'd be awesome.
Entertain them.
Just to take it to another level.
Why not?
Thank you, Dr. Andrew, for your time.
Always fun.
93X.
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