93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): Don't... CARE!

Episode Date: January 2, 2026

The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in would be no way of knowing. The 93x half-assed morning show. People with unlimited personal time off say that it actually sucks. How was that possible?

What? I've heard that before. You have heard that before. Yeah. People say it's kind of a scam. Okay. Because, I mean, I'm sure there's folks that have got it figured out, and they don't feel that way at all.

But I only know two people that have it. I don't think I know anybody who has all the personal time off they've ever wanted. It's got to be rare, right? I mean, I just started hearing about this a couple years ago. Okay. And it was from these two people. And they both work remotely, so maybe that makes a difference. But they said that you kind of get crap from your bosses and coworkers,

even if you don't use what, like we get 20 days, right? There's the company holidays and we have 20 days, and that's what happens when you work somewhere 30 years. You know, you get 20 days. But they could take whatever they want, but they probably wouldn't even take those 20 days because of the amount of crap they get. So sometimes you...

You get guilt trips? Yeah, according to them, you use less than maybe you would if they just said, here's your two weeks. Use it how you want. So the boss says you get all the time off you want, but then when you take that, time off, you'll get a little email or a text there kind of guilt-tripping you. Yeah, that's what they said. You kind of get some crap.

See, that doesn't bother me. I mean, they can give me all the crap they want. I could live with that a couple of, you know, text messages or emails or phone calls from the boss whining about your absence. I could handle that. I could live with that. I could say, well, then, you know, if you don't like it, then limit my time off. So, and that's, I'm sure that's how some people feel, right? Like, here's beer brewing and drinking Jesus. He's got unlimited time off. It's very much a guilt thing.

I think I took more vacation when I worked in a job that had a set amount, right? Because everybody knows this is what you get. I've never worked anywhere where it rolls over. Like, my moms did. Her sick time and her vacation time rolled over, and she just rarely took it so she was able to retire early and cash in. Oh, that's sweet. So that's pretty cool.

I mean, you know, it's used it to lose it here, and this is really the only full-time job I've ever had. And it's ever been saying, I mean, we're on what, our third company, and it's always been, you can't roll it over. Okay. A lot of this stuff I don't really follow. I rely on Josh when it comes to time off.

Matter of fact, it wasn't that long ago, a friend of mine asked me, how many days off you guys get over there? And I said, I got to be honest with you, I really don't know. I just take time off when Josh tells me to take time off. But so you're saying that the unlimited PTO is kind of a built-in mind F?

Oh, I don't know if that's how it's intended, but I can just tell you, I know two people that have it, and both of them feel the same way. Didn't your ex-wife have that, Dana? I don't know where he went. He disappeared. Where did he go? I don't know what he's doing over there. Did he take some time off?

I kind of want to. Nothing's working back here, by the way. Not until after tomorrow's show that we get to leave. We just looked over into Dana's studio. He's not sitting there anymore. I can barely hear anything you guys are saying. My headphones aren't working. The mouse isn't working.

So you guys just go ahead. Take some time to yourself. I'm going to take a little couple, five minutes. Now, here's the difference. It's not paid time off that you'll be taking, Dana. You're going to be docked in pay for sure. Oh, there he goes again. He's leaving again.

Well, that's too bad because I think he has said his ex-wife had it, and she didn't like it either. A listener says, a listener by the name of Ryan has texted in to say yes. Unlimited PTO is a built-in mind F. Here's more information on this because like I said, I barely pay attention to what we have available to ourselves here. I don't know anyone with unlimited personal time off. A lot of this stuff is very confusing to me to read about it. Unlimited PTO sounds like a dream, they say. But a lot of people say it's nothing to get excited about.

Employers are offered unlimited paid time off to attract employees seeking better work-life balance. Okay, that makes sense. On paper, it looks great, but folks say that isn't the case. And I can't believe that. Here's a textor that says everyone has unlimited time off. You just might not have a job or any money if you take too much off. I don't get it. But here are some of the reasons.

Okay, maybe you already covered some of this, Josh. Unlike traditional personal time off, unused days under unlimited policies don't roll over or get paid out when you leave the company. This means employees might end up with less benefits. God, I'll always need a guy like you around, Josh, someone who understands some of the terminology here. I mean, you're the only guy in the history of this company who has on more than one occasion read the company handbook from start to finish, correct? Correct. I just read the most recent one. Now, you guys all signed that you read it correctly? Yes. Correct I'm saying?

I read some of it. You did that. You did. Why did you have to? Like the maternity leave part. Oh, sure. All that nonsense. Explain this to me, Josh. It says here's some view unlimited personal time off as a public relations strategy rather than a genuine benefit allowing companies to avoid providing a quantifiable perk. What does that mean? What does that mean to normal people? I think it's just to confuse everybody who hears that. Yeah, what? Somebody says PTO isn't personal time off, it's pay time off. Did we say otherwise? I've probably been saying it incorrectly. Like I said, I don't follow these things. Oh, okay, yeah. What have I been saying?

I guess I didn't notice it if that's what you said. Yeah, it's paid time off. Paid time off. Sorry, I'm sure I probably used the wrong term. Okay, yeah, I didn't notice you said it incorrectly. Paid time off. That's different. I mean, shoot, you think, yeah, you can take the time off,

but you've got to come back, finish your work, and we're not going to pay you, but you're guaranteed a job versus, right, they still pay if you don't come in. Here's the part. Here's one of the elements to this article that grabbed me. Employees report feeling guilty about taking extensive. extended vacations.

Come on, you can't shake that? I would if I felt like I was screwing over coworkers. You're the most Catholic guy on planet Earth. You're going to feel guilt no matter what move you make. Right. I mean, if I felt like if I was, you know, if coworkers had to pick up the slack or, you know, it's making somebody else's job miserable, I feel, you know, we take time off at the same time so that I don't have to feel that way.

We don't have to feel that way. Less days are affected through the year. Hopefully. And this is the boss's job. Hopefully it's set up to where if you take time off, extended time off, it doesn't bone everyone else in the building. You know, although I can understand you being worried about that, that's something you shouldn't have to worry about. That's something the boss should make sure does not happen. If Josh takes two weeks off, we're not all going to be screwed.

Fochay Maintenance Jesus said he has unlimited time off. It's awesome, but that's because my boss is cool, no guilt trips. Sorry, PTO stands for paid time off, not personal. time off. I'm new to this. I apologize. So there you go. I can't believe. I'd like to try it myself before I determine whether unlimited paid time off is a hindrance, is a burden. You know, sometimes having more than a day or two off, it's actually a lot more work beforehand and afterwards where it's not even really worth it. And you're still working over vacation mostly. And I think a lot of the people that have this unlimited say the same thing that, you know, I'm still doing something,

checking in, you know, that kind of stuff. Oh, man. Now, with Ashley, with your, maybe you read this, when you're on maternity leave, we can't talk anything about work. Yeah, it's crazy how strict it is. Do you know the, does anyone know, okay, Mr. Company Handbook? Why is that? I'm glad you brought that up.

That's really strange to me. It's weird. When you take maternity. leave, we are not allowed to contact Ashley about anything work-related. Nothing work-related. Why is that? I think just so she can focus on our nephew and doesn't have to worry about work stuff, that kind of thing.

And I don't know, I forgot I was going to ask the boss, if that's a company policy or if that's a law. I don't know. That's really, you know, Ashley? I'm not sure, no. And how much is this, how long is this maternity leave? Six weeks. God, damn. You know, it's funny.

No. It's a long time, but it's not going to feel like it. It will to us. I'm sure it will they all do. Time off always flies by way quicker than you wanted to. I was, you know, I've been so excited for this, almost weirdly excited. It has been kind of weird. Yeah, I'm so pumped.

Yeah. And then my wife brought up just like a few days ago, you know, what are you guys going to do when Ashley's gone? And then I get really depressed. I'm like, I don't know. I need to see her every day. And then the depression study. Yeah, now I'm mad at her for being pregnant. Sorry.

I can't believe you did this. to me. You are the most excited man I've ever seen about a baby, an upcoming baby. How do you say it in the business? And I can't explain it. I wasn't anticipating this. I don't know why. You get baby fever. I don't. That's the thing. Yes, you do. I do now. Right the second I do. Yeah. But I've never had that before. Even when my son was bored, I'm like, I don't get it. Why do people like babies? I'm useless. They're loud. He can't communicate. He can't do anything cool. Why do People like to. Yeah, they can't do anything.

Were you useless when your children were tiny? I was just there for my wife, basically. But were you made useless by your wife where she said, I'll handle this? Or did you really stumble and bumble through whatever responsibilities are there when a baby is born? Well, I noticed at least my kid. I can't picture you being terrible at it. Well, she did. There's just not much for you to do.

That's it. Like she did pretty much everything, you know, and she wanted to, right? She wanted to do everything. and so I'd have to help and stuff. Like I'd ask to change a diaper or something like that, the baby's not hers. And she... So you were willing to try these things, but your wife said, no, no, I got it. Yeah.

Okay. And I basically was just there to, hey, you know, kind of like if, let's say I went after this and became, I worked at a, like an auto body shop or something. How much time off do you have? Well, it's unlimited. Unlimited. So I'm getting paid from both jobs. I go, I wouldn't be the guy fixing the car.

I'd be the guy going, hey, go grab me that socket wrench, you know, And then I'd have to ask another guy with a socket wrench is. Then I'd go grab it and hand it to him. I think that's pretty much how it was when my kid was born. I was just the go-get stuff guy. Sure. And, you know, hey, run to the store and get this or help me find this. Sure.

Yeah, that's all you're really good for. One of my oldest friends when his first child was born, he reached for the diaper and he reached for the baby. You know, like first day they brought the thing home from the hospital. He says, okay, I'll do this and I'll do that. And his wife said, no, you won't. and he said, what are he talking about? I'd like to help.

And she said, no, I got it. Oh. I don't know if that was a control power move or it was an I don't trust you kind of a move. Like, hey, look, I know you. You'll drop this damn thing. You know, I don't know what it was, but she took all responsibility away from him. And he said, okay, six weeks. No, people are texting in saying that six weeks is nothing.

What do you mean? Yeah, it's really not. I didn't know how much it was. My wife wasn't working at the time. I didn't know. Six weeks seemed like a bunch to me, but I guess not. According to textors,

that's nothing at all. 12 weeks is more ideal. That's the low end of your average maternity leave? Yeah. Oh. So what is it? You said 12 weeks? Yeah, 12 weeks is more average now.

Do you mind me asking you a bit of a personal question? Go for it. Is that paid? Or is it just saying, hey, your job's here when you come back? Paid. Really? Okay. Yep. Word?

I think that's the most important part, right? Yeah, that makes a big difference. So, yeah. Yeah. I'll be here. I'll be here after six weeks. It'll fly by. Josh, that's funny that, because you have been showing signs of baby fever from the get-go.

Oh, and I know it's a little odd. You're asking her questions all the time off air. you refer to this child as your nephew. But that cracks me up that whatever you said a day or two ago, you're sitting around the house again, all excited about the birth of this baby. So you went from excitement, and then your wife says,

well, what are you going to do when Ashley's not on the radio show? And then the depression set in. I never thought. I just pictured, it's all of us like normal. There's Ashley, and then there's a car seat next door with our nephew here every day. Six weeks without Smashley. This guy says as a man, I get 10 weeks.

I remember the first time. I'm so frigging naive. I know. I'll admit it. There's a lot of details that I don't follow. Number one, time off. I just follow orders is what I follow. I wait for Josh to say, we've got this.

Okay, I'll stay home then. I also am completely naive to parenting. The first time we talked about this maternity and paternity, I couldn't freaking believe it. I couldn't believe it. Really, you can just 10 weeks, 12 weeks, just all to yourself? That's, that's incredible. Sounds great.

I'm sure it's a lot of work, but it sounds great. You're going to be, you're going to be busy. I'm going to get way less sleep than I do with the coming to work. I agree. There's probably going to be times where you wish you could go to work versus, you know, dealing with what you're dealing. Yeah. Oh, definitely.

Yeah, but I honestly, I, why would you do this to me? I'm so sorry. What is she doing to you? She got pregnant and she's going to be gone for six weeks. I know. Never once. My wife hates whores too, Jesus said that I should ask for some uncle leave.

Sorry, guys, I can't come in next week. I get a week off. I got some uncle days. I got some uncle duties. You have to be available whenever I need you. So obviously you can't work. Got to take the uncle days or else they'll just disappear. You never get them back.

My wife, I think, could win a diaper-changing speed contest. I bet she could. I mean, it's unbelievable how quick she could do it. By the time I turn around, grab the baby powder or whatever, she's got it done. It's unreal. You would just see some baby arms and legs flailing for a second or two, and it was over. Yeah. I don't know.

So it was like, well, I think it was two companies ago when my son was born. And I did. I mean, we had them induced on a Friday, so I wouldn't have to take off any work. You know, we were back on Monday, that kind of thing. I don't know if we had paternity leave then. I mean, I probably wouldn't have took it unless, you know, she needed me to. But, I mean, that's what I could leave immediately after work if I had to get home and help her out. Yeah.

Our schedule is easier for that. Yeah, that does help a lot. We can do most of our work from home. That's why I'm not really worried about only getting six weeks of maternity leave because, I mean, these hours make it simple where, We're really lucky. We'll never need daycare. All new to me, a brand new world to me. So it's really interesting to hear what you folks know about it.

Yeah, we never needed daycare either, luckily. I mean, I've got friends who have had to have daycare, and the cost is outrageous. I had no idea it was that much. It's like you could have a second home somewhere. Especially if you got, let's say you have twins, you know, you got a couple of babies. Oh, my gosh, no.

That's too bad that. the cost is so high for daycare, you would hope that you would hope that folks wouldn't have to, you know, be scraping, scraping up money for that. Yeah, that's something where you might be a little nervous taking the lowest bid.

You know, why is this so cheap? Yeah, right. Everybody else is pretty expensive. You don't take the one off Craigslist or something. So true. You peer in the window of the joint, they've got cages down in the basement. Oh, God, no wonder this doesn't cost much.

They just locked the kid up and get him a bucket of water like a dog. How about this type of a situation on the topic of parenting? Do you know anybody who's been in this situation? I know two guys who both impregnated a woman on a one-night stand. I don't know how that happens. It's a mystery. And we're fully prepared throughout, some of the pregnancy to be there for that child, you know, be there, whatever that might mean,

to be a supportive parent in whatever way the couple decides to work that out, right? And then, before the children were born, the woman said, yeah, no, thanks. And the guy said, but I'm ready to do this or that, and I'm happy to be this type of a dad or that type of a dad for this child and for you and the women said yeah no and they said do okay have you know anyone who's been in that situation uh well my friend you know this guy too um he you know he knocked up his babysitter when he was 12 years old oh wow so he started out with like a penthouse letter and then things really do you know he knocked up his babysitter when he was 12 years old oh wow so he started out with like a penthouse letter and then things really didn't go so well for him in the romantic

department until he was like in his 20s and even then it was kind of a nightmare. 12 years old. I didn't even know that could happen at the age of 12. And he never met his kid. I mean, I don't even know. I mean, I think he knows the kid's name, but that's it. He had nothing to do with him. How old was the babysitter?

She was, okay, so he said he was 12. She was about 19. Oh, God. That's against the law. I know. Disgusting. So the baby was born, well, he was a sixth grader. Right. Seventh grader maybe at that point.

Oh, my gosh. What a nightmare. And she said bye, and he said K. And what, you said? Yeah, I don't know who said bye, right? I don't know if his parents said, we're not dealing with this. That's insanity. Or if he was given an opportunity.

I mean, he's 12. He's not going to be going out and getting a pipe fitter job or something to earn some money. No. So, yeah, I don't know how that necessarily worked out. Because when I met him, he was in his 20s. And I can't remember how it came up, but he's like, oh, I have a daughter. I'm like, oh, I've never heard you talk about her. He's like, well, that's because I've never met her.

And he told me the story. Because I'm like, your daughter seems pretty old. Did his parents seek any action against this babysitter? Boy, you know, he never told you any stories? He never said one way or the other. That's against the law. Yeah. Both of the stories, both of the friends I have who have been in that situation,

I mean, very very. very interesting to me. One of them, I don't think to this day has any idea, whatever came of that child. Because the woman said, thanks, but no thanks. Thank you for supporting. She was, I don't know, maybe halfway through the pregnancy or something. And she said, it's very kind of you to, you know, support me or make the effort.

but I'm going to go off and do this on my own. Nice knowing you. I mean, I remember because I saw the guy every week, he was a bartender at one of my favorite bars. So I saw him damn near every week. And at first he was very stressed by the situation, stressed but excited by saying, you know, it wasn't either of our perfect scenarios,

meaning he and the woman, but we're doing our best and, you know, it was a one-night stand, we're getting to know each other, we've been kind of dating, you know, so we can, and I'm ready for this. But you'd see him kind of sweating it out once in a while. Then one night I walked into the bar and I saw kind of a different posture, a more relaxed character. And I said, you know, what's going on here?

And he said, well, my baby mama just told me goodbye. And he had mixed emotions about it. The other guy, the other friend of mine who's been, who was in that situation. I believe the woman still sends him pictures of his children, who he's never met, and says, hello, now and again. Crazy. There's all types out there.

You know what? There's all different approaches to the thing. All right, Nick, here's some info from the brother and sisterhood on the cost of daycare. Here's one person, $26,000 a year. for two kids. No. My buddy has three kids. This is from Dirt Slingin' Jesus.

Three kids aging from one to five, he pays $700 a week. Dumbass Welder, Jesus doesn't miss the days when he had two kids in daycare for $2,000 a month. Jesus. That's what I heard, heard. My neighbor had two kids in daycare

and it was $2,000 a month. And then he got a bit of a break when he had this third kid in daycare and it was $2,500 a month. Vertically challenged, Jesus said, when my son was a baby, daycare costs us $13,000 a year, and that was part-time. Three kids in daycare at once, $5,000 a month, says Babyface Destroyer Jesus. What are we doing here and when do we open

the half-ass morning show daycare? Well, I'll tell you what, I don't want to give the Jesus name in case she doesn't want me to. She was saying there's quite a discrepancy between what a parent pays and what the actual person taking care of your kid makes, if they work for a company. Oh, sure. That's terrible. I suppose you got to get licenses and stuff. You can't just have people just drop kids off here. We'll look after him during the show for a couple hundred bucks. You're listening to the radio.

The 93X half-assed morning show. Well, let's try this. Let's get into what we do and do not truly care about. You don't care about Friday broadcast. No. You've made that very clear. No. I don't care at all.

I mean, there's one thing I should be clear about. I care. We collectively care that our listeners are here with us, but that's about the end of the list right there. Yeah. We care that you're here, joining us. Other than that, F it. But like I said, we should all have that same attitude.

Every other day of the week, you're doing your thing, you're focused, you're working, and then you got your freaking family at home, right? Total nightmare. Making plans for you constantly lately. You end up in if you stop paying attention for three, four minutes, they'll make plans for you, like what Josh was just telling us. Friday is the day that none of us should care about a damn thing.

Let's talk about what we do and do not truly care about. Here's what I have in front of me. Things that women find embarrassing but men don't actually care about. All right? Is Ashley here? Yeah, I'm here. Oh, cool. We get a lady's point of view here.

That's going to help. Things that women find embarrassing but men don't. actually care about. And here are a few. All right from the get-go. Wrong. I care about this kind of a thing. People seeing your house not being perfectly cleaned.

That doesn't bother me. I do care about that. When people come over to the house, I want the place to look nice. Dana doesn't care. I mean, obviously, if it's like a hoarder situation, that's one thing. But if it's not... But if it's not completely spotless, it's not going to bother me. I feel like most women kind of have a baseline clean that they maintain.

all the time. I've never really walked into a situation where it was sloppy. You're talking about a woman's apartment? Yeah. Okay, sure. All I'm saying is this one doesn't apply to me. Yeah. Because of my crippling OCD, I like the joint to look nice when people are coming on. Yes, Ashley? My mom cares on like a different level. So that's what I think of is her level of clean. Like the house will be perfect. And she's like, oh, I'm so sorry for the mess. Oh, darn. I can't eat off the floor today. Like, like every other day of the week. I always think when they say that it's kind of a humble break. It's like, oh, I'm sorry, the place is just disheveled.

But you look around and like, it's spotless. It's great. Nah, she means it. She's got to touch that OCD. Your mother likes things to be clean and organized at all times you're saying. Yes, in her way, too. I should have married your mother instead of just making her my side piece. You would absolutely love it.

Living with your mother? She is. Oh, yeah. sneezing naturally is something that women find embarrassing men don't actually care about. It says here several ladies I know, this is whoever wrote the article, several ladies I know, hold their sneezes in. I only know one person on planet Earth that holds their sneezes in, and it's a dude and it's my brother. I don't care about that at all.

That would hurt. I love sneezing. I've had to encourage my wife just to let him go. she was somebody who held her sneezes in so much so much so that one of her eyes popped out it was disgusting oh no I've been warned about that yeah her eye popped out that's what happened to Kirby Puckett

so I tell her uh just go for it and she does 90% of the time there's about still 10% where she forgets and it's weird because there's this big buildup and that's all you get drive me crazy to watch my brother do it he and I have been brothers for 53 years and I've never seen them

I've never seen the man sneeze. All right, here we go with, uh, farts and burps are supposedly something that women find embarrassing, but men don't actually care about. Oh, definitely, that's a given. I, that's incorrect. For me personally, I care. I do care about farts and burps at times, not all the time,

but there are situations where I don't, like them. I told you the story before. Me and a buddy playing pool in my basement years ago, just the two of us. And the dude just launched this insanely loud, horrible fart. And then, you know, and then, you know, leaned forward to take his shot for, you know, his next pool shot.

And I said, dude, what the hell was that? He looked at me like I was crazy. I said, that's disgusting. For Christ's sake. What's wrong with you? There are some situations where I don't like it. You certainly don't hold them in, though. Yeah, I know, I don't.

You should... Only with you, though. Oh, is that right? I assume that was kind of like a thing with everyone. Oh, no, no. Does that say something about our relationship? I don't... Well, and you know, I don't care one way or the other.

As a matter of fact, there's sometimes where I have to comment, like, that was textbook perfect. Yeah. There are certain times where you just couldn't do it any better. It's only when it's you and I. And I'm talking my entire personal life. Oh, I didn't know. that. You're the only person that I freely break wind in front

of because I know you don't care. Had you said on day one, dude, that's gross. Don't do that. I wouldn't do it. No, it doesn't bother me. A buddy of mine accidentally farted on my mother-in-law, shawl at a party one time. Shawl. I've never heard of a fart, y'all. Yeah, well, it wasn't a... He created it.

I think he made it, so I understand why you haven't heard of one. He just developed it by accident and he tried to go into a corner of a room didn't realize my mother-in-law shawl was there and unfortunately for her she went to grab that thing i'd say 10 to 15 seconds after he just fouled that up he sat on it or something no he just kind of put his backside up against a chair just to mute yeah just to kind of go in the corner yeah yeah silence her action and he didn't realize that there was a shawl there and it's like he just came up to me he's like oh my god i just farted on someone's shawl And I said, well, that's my mother-in-laws, and she doesn't deserve that.

And that kind of material will hang on to that for days. Oh, yeah. So apparently, things that women find embarrassing, but men don't actually care about. Okay, the next in the report was farts and burbs. But I say, at least in my case, there are situations where I don't enjoy that kind of a thing. their driver's license photo I don't know if I've ever seen just a random girl's driver's license photo out of nowhere

how does that come to be well it came up for me recently with a passport photo for my wife we were going to Mexico for our honeymoon so in advance she needed to renew her passport it expired so she goes to the you know the pharmacy wherever you can get a passport photo taken and it was so bad it was like comically bad it didn't even look like her

When she brought it to go get at the DMV to get her passport renewed, they're like, that doesn't look like you. You're going to need to get a better photo. Like the people at the airport aren't going to buy that that's you. I don't know how it happened, but it was so comically horrible that they made her go and get it redone. Do you agree? Who made her go get it redone? The people of the DMV, they're like, listen, like if you get to customs,

they might not think this is actually you. This looks nothing like you. I guess, yeah, I've said that before when handing my ID over when I'm on a date, like, I don't know, that's been pretty common for... When you're on a date? Yeah, like handing your ID to like the bartender when you're sitting there and then... And you don't want the dude to see it. Yeah, but usually they always do and I'm like, yeah, that's a terrible photo.

The dude meaning the dude you're on a date with. Yeah. Judge mine. My ID. Oh, I showed you my most recent driver's license photo, didn't I, Josh? What's happening with Josh's driver's license? Why do they want to make you look short? Well, I'm not that tall.

Why are you only in like three-fourths of the box? Yeah, you look like you're so short, the camera barely captured you. You look as if you're on your tiptoes just to make... Just to get your entire face into the photo. Why are you wearing a hat? I forgot to take it off. And usually they'll say, hey, take your head off. I thought you weren't...

I mean, if they started singing the national anthem, I'd think. of it, right? I put my head off, but, and I don't know if there if I've ever met somebody in a worse and more disinterested mood than the guy that was taking photos at the DMB. I can tell. Some DMVs let you wear your hat. Oh, I always thought that was against the rules. I think he just didn't care. I always thought the same thing and I totally forgot and I thought about it afterwards and I figured, well, he's the expert. Well, here's the thing. Apparently women find their driver's license photos embarrassing. Men don't actually care. and that's probably true.

But my wife was so disgusted and embarrassed by her most recent driver's license photo as soon as that's some bitch. I mean, I think if I remember right, she screamed. I was in the other room and I heard her go, oh God! And I walked, I said, what? What's happening?

And it was, she cracked open that envelope with her new driver's license photo in it and she was so embarrassed. You see, that's the thing. saying Josh is even if only one person sees that photograph, that's enough for her to be mortified. Really? So it's not like you said before. You said, I can't remember the last time I saw a gal's drive.

Even if only one person sees it, that's mortifying enough for a gal like my wife. So she immediately made an appointment to go in and take a new photo. Oh, I don't think I've ever... I'm lazy. Even my wife's, I don't think I've ever seen hers. Oh, really? But I don't even know what she looks like from the neck up. I hate my current license picture, but I had one, oh gosh, I don't know, like six years ago.

And it was my favorite picture ever. Like I actually loved the picture of me. I wanted to keep it forever. But obviously they don't let you do that. And the key to it was I was day drinking that day and somebody else brought me to the DMV to get my license picture taken. You went to the DMV drunk to renew your driver's license. Well, that's what Peter Griffin says to do. That's true.

So if you get pulled over, the cop thinks that's what you always look like. I wasn't drunk. I was just like slightly buzzed up. But I had like kind of like a half smile, sneaky smile. And I can never recreate that picture. I want it so bad. So not only do you look better to us when we're drunk, but you look better to you when you're drunk.

Yeah. You picked them up, you dropped them, Jesus. Asked, didn't they show you your picture? They always show us our picture after they're taking the photo. No, I've never had that. I've never had that either. I have preferred that. Well, actually, what do I care?

I always take bad pictures. I have, but I don't want to, like, make them mad. Like, oh, can you take it again? You don't want to be that person. I don't remember them ever showing me the picture. They just say, next. But anyway, I think I passed this around the room when I had my latest driver's license.

renewal. And I never gave two pumps what I look like in the picture until this one. I look like the oldest man on earth. I look so tired and old. I didn't do anything about it. I don't really care enough to go get another photo taken. But Josh, again, if you don't mind looking at this. They also make you look short in this. That does not look like me, doesn't? No. You're not photogenic. No. Not anymore. Maybe when I was young. A hundred times better looking in person. But do I not look elderly? You do. And also, Ashley, do you mind if I? No. And I showed you the pictures of me in the hospital from a month ago or so. My God. This is such a bad picture. Yeah, it's really bad. Oh my gosh. Why? Hey, you know, I'm sorry.

And the pictures of me from my recent hospital visit, you know, the wife takes pictures of me when not aware. And sometimes it's when I'm sleeping. So I'm sleeping at the hospital. She's strange like that. I'm sleeping at the hospital. She takes a picture of me in the hospital, lying in the bed asleep. And when I look at the photo, it just gives me the creeps. I look like my dead grandfather. But I guess I've reached that point now where I just don't appear to be the same person that I used to be. That happens to everybody. If you're interested, and you don't mind sending in just your photo from your ID, 651, 989, 93, a couple people are sending them in. These are pretty funny.

I didn't know that was possible. Yeah, if you don't mind. Oh, that'd be great. I hate my passport photo, too, because... Just say, I'm sorry, Ashley, I didn't mean to interrupt yet. Just send the picture, though, just so there's no worry of improprieties or anything. Okay, cool. That's a great idea.

If you think your driver's license photo was garbage, send it in here. 651, 989, 933, 93. That's a good idea. Yes, Ashley. I was saying I hate my passport photo because in my passport photo, it looks like the person taking the picture was like on their knees. So like my chin looks just awful. It looks like I have like seven chins in that picture. And I was 14.

So I was like in the best shape of my life. Somebody wants to know why women are always graded with an F when it comes to sex on their license. Now see, that has nothing to do with intercourse. What else are we being told here that women, women find these things embarrassing, dudes don't care, acne? Well, it specifically says an acne flare-up, a bad one or just a raging pimple. I'm sure some men care about that on women. Well, no one wants to walk around with some big, fat, red, irritated, pus-filled pimple on their face. that everyone can see from across the room.

I reverted to fourth grade, it would have been two days ago. My son came up and was asking me something, and he had a pimple on his forehead. And all I did was I silently just pointed at it and didn't stop pointing at it. If he moved around the room or whatever, and eventually, she's like, knock it off, knock it off.

That's funny. I didn't make any mention of it, but I kept pointing at it. And then I felt like kind of a dick afterwards, but at the time I thought it was pretty funny. You couldn't ignore it. I think everybody cares about that kind of a thing. Nobody wants to walk around town, especially once you hit a certain age,

you'd want to be walking around town with some acne flare up or one big fat pimple on your head. So I wouldn't, I don't think I'd go along with that, that men don't care about that. Yeah, dudes are going to want to take care of that too. They don't want to anyone walking up to them and saying, hey, man, you've got to take care of that big pimple. That's embarrassing.

Oh, I thought they meant like the woman has acne, but the men actually, like, and she's embarrassed by it, but the man that she's with doesn't care that she has acne. Well, this isn't necessarily couples. This is just women, according to the report. Women find this to be embarrassing, men don't care. That's the way I'm taking this. I don't think this is couples related.

Oh, I just thought it was, yeah, I thought it was like the opposite sex actually doesn't care that women have acne. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. What are we saying now? Like a girl would worry about a guy thinking, oh my God, she's got pimples, but guys are saying we don't care. We're not too worried about it.

We don't care if our women see us with a giant... Other way around. All right, I'm not getting this anymore. Ashley might be super embarrassed about having pimples. Yes. And we'd say, guys don't care about that, Ashley. Does that make any sense, do you? Oh.

Magic filmmaker Jesus, take a look. He sent us a whole bunch of... pictures over the years. These are great. They let him get away with some pretty funny faces. He said he had to take his grills out. One time he had grills, they wouldn't go for that. Oh, this guy has fun.

I love that. Cute. What? Somebody says their son as a second grader got his first pimple. What? That's pretty friggin early. They're going through puberty a lot earlier. Oh, yeah.

Second grade. Second grade. You're eight. That sucks. Well, there's such things as baby acne. Oh, I didn't know that. Oh, is it really? Yep.

What, you've been reading books here lately? Getting ready for everything? Got to read the books. Now I don't know how to deliver the rest of this report. Oh, you were doing fine. Even though you didn't fully understand it, you were doing fine. Scars, stretch mics. Stretch mics, isn't a thing.

Scars, stretch marks, cellulite. Yeah, that's something. Things that women find embarrassing men don't actually care about. I'm very self-conscious about that. to the point where I have like a four-step lotion routine that I do twice a day so that I can prevent stretch marks. Wouldn't that be something? You sit there all day saying, wait a minute.

Was it a two-step lotion that I do four times a day or a four-step lotion that I do two times a day? It is really exhausting. And there's like a correct order to go in. Do you keep a bulletin board checklist up on the wall or anything? It sounds very confusing. It can be, but hopefully it's worth. worth it in the end. Fops. Makes the report.

I like a little belly. Uh-oh. Everybody's looking at me funny. We weren't looking at you funny. No, not at all. I was just listening to you. I don't mind that at all. Women care about their fups. Are we allowed to say the other? Probably not.

No, don't say the other one. I don't know. That's why I got confused. I almost corrected you. Oh, no, no. Did you say it wrong? No, you're going to go with the one that Nick and I don't think is necessary. Yeah. This is a big sticking point with Josh and I, and it has been for years. It was totally unnecessary.

For whatever reason. You didn't have to add to it. It was perfect. Yeah. Why did people start calling it a Fupa? That's only what I've ever heard. I didn't know what you're talking about when you said FUFUS. Yeah, I had no clue.

Back in our day, it was just a fup. Yeah, because you younger people, I guess, because you're not as bright as we older people are, you thought you needed another A at the end to be more specific over what we were talking about. It's simply a fup. Yeah, you don't have to. add the area. Area? What the hell was? That was totally unnecessary, and you screwed it up and you made it confusing, you younger people. When I look up up, but nothing comes up. Right, because young people run the internet. Yeah, the other one that I'm afraid to say that begins with a G, the first time I

heard that, I fell on one knee. I don't think I know what you're talking about. No, I don't either. It's borderline violent. It is. It is. It's good, but it's not good. If you know it, I wonder if that was your reaction too i thought oh my god i'll never be the same so women care if they have a little bit of a tummy pouch or a belly dudes we don't care no we don't care that's good to know oh sorry ashty eating eating a lot what are we doing now where are you going oh you're handing Ashley uh what I've never heard this word before what do you think that's so odd yeah I don't think we could say that no we're not going to say that can't say that one Josh just Josh just passed Ashley the alternate term, the alternate term for fup.

And the all-knowing brother and sisterhood, they definitely know what we're talking about. Yeah. I sent you a chat, Dana. The first time Josh and I heard someone say Fupa, we, didn't we, I think we physically kind of put them in a corner and said, what are you doing? Why did you do that? Why did you add the A at the end? Why did you, why was, why did you need, why did you think it was necessary for the word area to be included? in this perfect slang term.

And they were completely shocked. They're like, who are you guys? Why are you on my case about this? And we said it's wrong what you've done. When you guys get a chance, check out bug-eye wagon, Jesus. His are great. Man, he's got some cool hair.

Okay, what are we checking out? I'm sorry, his ID photos. Okay, I'll have to get to that. I'm very excited about that. Thank you again for sharing those with us, everybody. If your driver's license photo is ridiculous, and you don't mind sharing it. with us. Right, our number is 651,

989, 93, that's very exciting. There are people texting in who don't know the G word. All right, yeah, I'm texting back. Hopefully that's okay that we can. If you want to know, I'll text you back. Cubs, he's going as fast as he can. All right, apparently something else

that women find embarrassing men don't care, eating a lot. Josh I love that. Has said before there's something about a woman who you say it, because I don't know exactly how you'd like it said. Well, I just like a woman that's not afraid to eat.

And I dated a girl, the tiniest girl you can imagine of age. And she could eat like no one else. Do you know her, Nick? You dated her best friend, you know, the two of us. Oh, sure. Dated these girls. That one, the one you had was not all there. Anyway.

Yeah, she was a goofy. But she was not necessarily sloppy eating, but just they're not afraid to eat. Yeah, she wasn't, well, she wasn't, I guess she was kind of a sloppy eater. I can't stand that from anybody. Big, big eater. Man or a woman, I can't stand messy eaters. All right, I'm going to do my best to get, I guess there's a lot of people that don't know the G-W. There are so many text messages coming in. Do my, maybe you guys could help. I'm going to do my best to get back to everyone. Coffee needed Jesus. She's somebody I already responded to with the G-word. She wrote, OMG, and then

she followed up with, that's horrid and hilarious at the same time. Yeah. That's the best way to put it. We're talking about the alternate term to fup. It begins with a G. Some of you know it, some of you don't. I'm sorry, I thought it was more well-known. Yeah, I will, I'm getting back to as many as I can here.

So speaking of eating a lot, last Friday night, didn't you trade text messages with my wife last Friday night? Oh, yeah, that was so funny. She was all upset with me. She's one of the funniest people I've ever met. She thinks she's funny. We went out to dinner, the wife and I. I forgot about that.

I'm trying to remember what I did wrong exactly, but, oh, God, it was great. We went to this Mexican restaurant. Oh, I think I remember what happened now. She had a margarita in front of her, and we had dinner, and then she said something to me like, boy, I don't even know if I can finish this margarita. And I said, well, it's probably because you ate so much. And she reacted like this. She went, I can't even do it.

Yeah, she was shocked enough to text me. I think what she, well, at least what she told me was that she was surprised she wasn't feeling it. Oh, that's it. Yeah, she had a margarita and she mentioned to you, you know, I'm kind of surprised I thought I would have been feeling it. And he said, well, maybe it's because you ate so. Oh, no, man. And she went, oh. That would have been my reaction to.

Oh, am I fat now? I'm just a big eating machine. What are you trying to say? She was joking, of course, but... Oh, that's hilarious. That's something... It would never, ever cross my mind how much the other person is eating. If it's me and Dana going out to lunch, I would never...

Or if it's me and my wife, I would never notice how much they're eating. But I would certainly notice their manners. I notice how much people eat. Do you really? Yeah, but that is because I struggled with an eating disorder when I was younger. and so I've always kind of just monitored people's eating habits a little too closely. Sure. I know you well enough to know that in no way were you trying to be disrespectful.

You weren't saying that at all. No, no. You were being logical. Yeah, you were just saying, well, this must be it. You wiped out those three burritos, one enchilada, and four tacos. That might have been what was soaking up all that booze. Yeah, you filled up on the chips for the table. Yum.

Yeah, oh, the chips were good. Oh, really? Oh, God. I want that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was so funny that it bothered her enough that she texted. She texts. Josh is now her go-to friend on the text machine whenever she has, you know, some drama.

Like, OMG, you're not going to believe what happened at the grocery store today. She tells these things to Josh. You two are just tight girlfriends. I know. Yeah. She's my favorite girlfriend. I'm cute. The 93X half-assed morning show.

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They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60. Oh, Stacking Benjamin's. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Morning Show 93X Here's a conversation

that online folks have been having they've been talking about what the weird kid did at their school anyone want to start what the weird kid did at your school and of course we could be going all the way back to

grade school and most of this stuff is probably grade school stuff when kids are just bizarre little creatures you should You should set the mood with your story about the tree kid. Yeah. That's my favorite story you've ever told. I have a few examples of what the weird kid did at my school.

Now, this was high school. There was a kid at our high school who portrayed himself to be a ninja. He wore usually all black and kind of the kind of military-looking camo, not camo, but military-looking black. pants, you with a lot of pockets. He fantasized that he was some level of ninja. And so what he would

do was he would climb up in a tree and sort of camouflage himself up there. And then when we would walk by that tree on our way to the front door of the high school, he would say, could have killed you.

So unsettling. And we would say, yes. Ernie, we know that you could, yes, from that vantage point with us not recognizing that you were in the tree. Yes, you could have killed him. And of course, he always had throwing stars in his pockets and, and, uh, what was this thing, Josh? The nun, nunchuk? No, no. Oh, a butterfly knife?

Butterfly, yes, he always had a butterfly knife. That was, that was his role. I always wanted a butter, I had a butterfly comb. My uncle got me for Christmas one year. It's one of my prize possessions. Oh, that's so cool. So what did the weird kid do at your school? Oh my God.

We had a kid that thought they were a cat, so they would just meow. Did they legitimately think they were? Or they just kind of, that was their bit? Honestly, I'm not too sure. So, yeah, we used to have couches or kind of like comfy your chairs in the library, and they would, like, sit up on those, like a cat would with their legs up. Weird. And then if you walked past, yeah, meow, meow, mea.

That was interesting. You get used to it, though. Do you? Yeah, after a couple times. There's the cat girl. Oh, I had a couple. So we had a similar situation to what you had, Nick. A killer, a ninja character?

He wasn't quite a ninja, but this was when Kung Fu came out. Sure. And so this kid, you know, Trevor Thomas was always, he would dress up like David Caradine. Oh, yeah. And that's how he. And he was barefoot. Yeah. And he was just like, every time he would see you, he would bow.

And, you know, but he carried this on. He carried his own. He lived down where we lived and down a dirt road. He would always walk up down there and you just hear the Kung Fu music walking. So he completely threw himself into that character. And then he would, but he would always, like, get in fights, but he did not know karate. Yeah.

But he would always jump in. He had the stance down, you know, and he did all the moves and everything. He could mimic what he saw on television. Yeah, he beat up a lot, though. Yeah. But anyway. Yeah, you don't walk around with the kung fu vibe. Right.

Without someone challenging that, you know. And I think his brother worked, was a nurse or something, so he's got his nursing pants on, you know, so he could have the, you know, the baggy pants. More flexibility. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he played the whole role. And then at the end of the day, we had another guy, Ben Harris. Ben couldn't, and this wasn't, his parents said that he had no neurological damage or anything.

They don't know why he did that. But he couldn't walk into a room. He had to back into a doorway, always. Some kind of a phobia. Right. Okay. So he would walk all the, he walked straight all day until he gets to a door and he backed, he backed in. And then once he was in the room, he could turn around and go.

Yeah, he backed in it no matter what, bus stop, getting off the bus. So that's dangerous. I know. He's a phobia. Not like just joking around, it was a phobia? We don't know. Like his parents said like he wasn't like, he's not like that at home. At home, he walks through all the doors.

When he gets outside the house, he won't do it. Church. It was the same way. He would come to church. You went to my church. Backing down out of a school bus. Sounds very dangerous. Yeah, it does.

And wait, backing into the bus as well. Backing onto the bus. You know how strong your hamstrings have to be to back up on a bus? Yeah. There is a movement now about jogging and walking backwards, like activating muscles you don't normally do. I was just reading an article on that a few weeks ago on how like some people they're getting that and they're working that into their training. And they're injuring that. themselves is what I remember.

Those are people who aren't athletes because athletes have to run backwards. That's the whole training for us is that you use every muscle in your body. Right, Josh? They're backing into bodies of water and turning their angles. Taking out other people. Exactly. Running into other people. Because running backwards is, first of all, it's not normal.

And secondly, it's not easy to do. A couple of texts have come in on the topic. Well, lots of texts have come in on the topic. I'd say this one is probably the most qualified. from more anxiety than hair Jesus. They had a kid in their school that masturbated using pizza. Wow. That's weird.

No way. Was that one of those rumors for? Right, like the girl that used a Coke bottle in our middle school? That was a hot dog at my middle. A hot dog at mine too. Yeah. Obviously, Jacks. Did this guy go to a high school with the noid?

I miss the noid. I love that. The noid would not approve. Pizza was his masturbatory tool. Yeah. Was this at school or was this a rumor after? school more anxiety than hair jesus was it a warm piece of i would hope so i'm pretty sure everybody has had this kid now based off of the text messages and i i did too the one that would just

run up and down the hallways to every class or to lunch and all that no oh yeah he's like cinched their backpack up real tight and just sprint everybody else be casually walking down talking to their friends there'd be one kid that would just sprint everywhere running from bullies or wants to get a good Seater. I'm not sure, but yeah, we've gotten quite a few texts on that, too. What about a squirrel master? This person says there was a kid in his sister's class who earned the nickname Squirrelmaster because on numerous occasions he'd crawl around in various shrubs. This was in high school and he would talk to squirrels. I was hoping it was a lot cooler than that. I'd take back by cool.

What did the weird kid do in Faribos? You know what? I'm just sitting here thinking about it. I can't come up with anyone. didn't have any that spoke to the animals? I can't think of one person. I thought it was weird. That means it was huge. Yeah, probably. Probably.

That's pretty much the answer. All right, here's an example from the godless internet. This individual says the weird kid at my high school got into an argument with a pretty popular kid. Popular kid wanted to fight. And the weird kid told him, yes, I will fight you. But if I win, I get to keep your thumbs. Oh, my God. He said they did not fight.

No. They did not fight. Don't ever trust that challenge. All right. Our listening audience had plenty to say, like Josh was telling you, via text. One of the weird kids at my school says a listener would ask all the girls for their used socks because he had a foot fetish. Who here likes fun? feet. Nope. I'm fine with them, but I don't have a fetish of any sort. Not a fan.

High-rise gamer Jesus said, uh, the weird kid would pick his scabs and eat it. That weird kid was my cousin. Yeah. I've got a couple of weird cousins. Not if anybody asked though, right? We had a kid who would paint his entire hand with a rubber cement. You know, that stuff that really hard glue and then it would get hard and then he would peel it off and he would then nibble on it like that. Oh, you had me into the last part. Yeah, the first part was kind of cool. Yeah, there were, There were glue eaters out there. Blue eaters. We had a glue eater.

And glue sniffers. Glue sniffers, sure. Josh, what did the kid do? You said? He'll pick his scabs and ate him. And ate him. Here's a weird kid who would pick his nose with his tongue. Okay.

That's different. It's horrible. Little Village Jesus said the weird kid was a Pokemon nerd who would wear Pokemon clothes, hats, had a box of cards at all time, play cards on the floor by himself. in the halls and he's now a Pokemon collector and he makes $100,000 a year trading cards and has a live

stream that's very popular. Yes, I was going to say I bet he's rich now. Apparently so. So I did all of that stuff until the monetize it portion. I was a kid that played Pokemon in middle school. Not making $100,000 a year on it now though. That's adorable.

Weird kid at my school says a listener. Skinny kid long hair trench coat, who told everyone that he was a werewolf. I remember a kid in third grade trying to convince people he was from the sun. Oh. And I'll tell you what, he was very charismatic,

and for a moment he had me. He had me for a moment. I think everybody had the fake accent kid, you know, that would start a new accent, but the one that stood up for me that did that in high school, we got this new kid, new kid in class,

you know, first day, and he's talking with this big, Southern draw. Just, hey, y'all, you know, like he's from the south. We're like, oh, where are you from, man? You know, that actually goes, oh, dog, I'm from Hastings. From Hastings. Hastings.

Like, Hastings, Minnesota, like 15 minutes. He goes, yeah, dog, from Hastings. Word. And we're like, oh, do people talk like that? Yeah, everybody talked like this down. Hastings. I've been to Hastings. I don't remember that.

Me neither. Right, another listener texted in on the weird kid from school. During a bathroom break in sixth grade, the uncircumcised kid would pinch it off and fill it with urine like a balloon. Oh! What? The topic is weird kids. I don't know how that qualify.

I didn't think that was possible. Pinch it off. Did everyone else have the kids in the elementary school and even middle school that would just pull their pants and underwear all the way down to the ankles at the urinal? No. That was always funny. They did it as a bit? No, I just think that that's just how you go to the bathroom.

You have to pull everything down straight to the ankles on the dirty bathroom floor in order to lift the shirt up and do the butters where you tuck it with your chin too. Very little kids. Yeah, when we were in, what do you call that first year? Kindergarten. When we were in kindergarten, sure, there were a few kids who operated like that. What are you talking about in high school? No, I'm talking like fifth, sixth grade kids are still doing that. Even that age, I remember teaching my kid at a very young age not to do that.

I mentioned before, I walked into a Chipotle and right there's the urinal. There's a kid probably six, seven years old by himself, and he was doing exactly that, and I turned around and walked out. I couldn't be in the same. No, you'll catch a case. Exactly. You catch a case of being in with a kid like that. You remember your spiral notebook, you know, and you used to write things in there,

like I love Donnie, you know, whoever the star quarterback, whoever he was. Yep. And you'd write, what would you write in there? Like your first name and their last name? Yeah. Oh, definitely. Yep. We married.

and a heart together. You wanted to see what it looked like on paper. Yeah. With your crush's last name next to your first, of course. You wrote in there, you know, Backstreet for Life, whatever you wrote in your spiral notebook. But here's a weird kid who would snap the metal or whatever they are, aluminum spirals off the notebook and then pierces ears with it. I remember girls piercing their ears in class. Yeah, me too.

Not with that. What's the word I'm looking for? Rough tools? With pins or something? All pins, yeah. Needles. Oh, yeah. When we had Holmack, the teacher had to deal with that quite a bit because we could learn how to sew.

And so we were sitting there piercing each other. We had a kid on the hockey team. He was a really good player. He decided to self-pierce his own ear. The thing obviously got so infected. It ballooned up like a comical size clown-type ear. That can kill you. He had to miss games because he couldn't get the bucket over his head.

He couldn't get his helmet on. Oh, my God. So he had to go to our hockey coach. who's one of the toughest SOBs we'd ever met and say, hey, I pierced my own ear and my ear is too infected to play hockey now. That way, I had to have been a tough conversation. There was about a month-long fascination when we were in high school of get drunk at the party and have someone pierce your ear for you with a non-traditional tool.

And those who did it regretted it terribly. And so the trend didn't last very long. Okay, we got to get out of here. I wanted to tell you about one more weird kid. Plucked out his pubs with a tweezers in. And then put him on his desk. Oh. Yuck.

Blow him before he leaves. Oh, no. For you. Right as I'm walking by with a sandwich or something. Bow hunting, Jesus, he said he definitely had a girl in his class that would hiss like a cat. Anytime someone looked at her. We knew the same one. That's hilarious.

That's when you knew, hey, look, don't even start. Hands off. She is not invited to my birthday party. What the hell? Thanks, Janelle and C. Willie. Thank you, guys. Love seeing you. Thank you so much.

They're loud. They lose control. They do their little circus act. They're a nuisance. Do you want to talk about your house party? Sure. I have one question. I'll be hosting a house party for,

you folks. You're nervous, aren't you? Yeah, it's been something I've been nervous about. I only had one question and I thought about texting your wife because I thought she'd know the answer about me hosting this house party. And just one question. How do you host a house party? I don't know if I'm going to be a good host. You just hosted one a few years ago. What are you nervous about? Do I like play music? Do I have some party lights going.

Do you have party lights? I do have party lights. No. No, no. No party lights. I have enough seating. I was excited for those. Seating?

Yes, I have enough seating. I don't know how to cook, so I ordered Chipotle. Do you really want to do this? The party? Absolutely. I want to hang out with you guys. That all sounds great so far, Josh. Yeah, throw a ball game on and we're all set.

We're not picky people. A ball game. Nobody told me I had to turn the TV on. Don't put extra. Don't do this to him. The man crapped his pants yesterday. He's already in enough stress. He's tried to think of everything,

and now you're throwing in the idea of turning on the television. Don't put any more pressure on the guy. He's nervous enough as it is hosting. You don't need any party lights. This isn't a rave. Do I, HVAC slash R and stuff, Jesus wants to know if there's a theme? Do we make it a theme part? No themes.

No themes. I tried to provide. beverages that I know everybody likes. I'm sure you'll have plenty of that. Fancy cookies. Oh, I like cookies. Yeah, we'll have some fancy cookies there. It's going to be fine.

You hosted a house party four or five years ago and everything was fine. Well, that was all outside, right? And so we're in this case, we're going to be inside the house and this has your anxieties peaked. Yeah, because I primarily use two rooms in the house. We'll be using rooms. I don't even know how to use. I like, I like museum. as my dad used to say music.

And when I host a party, I usually turn on some music. Other than that, stop worrying about it. I was trying to think, what did you and your wife did? You had a pool table. I've got a ping pong table. Forget that. I've got a turtle. Oh, you get to me, dude, I forgot about that.

Nobody cares about your turtle. Just turn on some tunes. You got drinks, you got food. You said something about. seating, that's all we're going to need. Don't worry about it, Josh. Oh, for F's sake. What now?

Somebody said hosting a party is all about how you hold your beer. Okay, we've got to call this thing off. Dana wants to watch a ball game. This starts at seven. I don't even want you guys. They're at seven. That's too late. Hold a beer.

I don't know how to hold a beer. Everything is fine. Everything that you've put together is fine. Just my only question is, what's the entertainment going to be? You thought of, did you hire a hypnotist? It's funny to say that. I should show you, like, I made notes.

There's got to be an entertainer, right? Yeah. That's how sweet. I made a note that simply said entertainment, and that meant like, do we put on all the Rocky movies or do you know, that kind of thing? Or do I somehow hire an entertainer? I didn't know, but I thought that might be annoying. You're saying you did not hire entertainment.

It's, no, I. The parties tonight you haven't hired entertainment. any entertainment? Well, I asked my wife who's not going to be there so we can have a lot of fun. Mistake number one, you never ask the wife. She's kind of been helping me out in this. A seance, nothing? We're not going to have any entertainment.

Maybe I'll buy a Ouija board. All right. Light some candles? You haven't seen what happens? You've got nothing lined up. No. But I got some time. I was putting pressure on by asking for a ball game on? The party's in 12 hours. You don't have time to line up entertainment. You call yourself a host

of a house party, it's 12 hours from go time. You don't have any entertainment lined up. I'm supposed to drive all the way to Egan. It is a long time. I know it's a long drive. And all there's going to be waiting there for me is some cookies and a place to sit. I said fancy

cookies. I clean the chairs. Ashley, I threw Dana. A bounce house? Nothing. You know, it's funny you say that. Oh. There's somebody in my party, or my party, my neighborhood had a party like that, where they,

they, I don't know what they had, but it was like kind of a big, fancy trailer. Somebody brought out and I thought, well, I'm going to look them up and see maybe there's something I could bring out. And it was more like wedding stuff. And Ashley, are you thinking you're getting married at my house? It never crossed my mind. Well, I could do that. I can, you know, I have a trampoline.

Yeah, that's not cool. Trapolines are stupid. But what's the difference in that in a bounty house? You can't because... It's not a castle? You can't host a seance on a trampoline. You can in a bounce house. What is this?

What about a stripper? Yeah. Just a stripper? Yeah. I thought you loved us. Just won? All right, I can't win at all. You guys, didn't you start by saying, don't be nervous about this?

You should be nervous. Everything's going to be fine. Everything's going to be fine. It'll be great. What about significant other swapping? Well, yeah, we had a conversation about that a few days ago. A key party would be all right by me. Everything is going to be fine, Josh.

We don't need a magician or a hypnotist or anything. I do have one request, though, Josh. What's that? I don't care if it happens to me, but I wanted to happen to somebody, anybody. I want to see one of your big dogs swing that tail and just catch somebody right in the balls. They're not going to be there. Ah! Yeah.

Fine. I guess I'll just ask. Ashley's boyfriend in the balls myself. Yeah, go ahead. Your wife's not going to be there either? No. Oh, this will be... They're going out of town.

I wanted to meet the dogs. You know, it's funny. I told my wife yesterday, I'm like, Ashley's going to be disappointed. The dogs aren't here. Yeah. This will be interesting. Bummer.

I don't think I've ever seen you without your wife. Yeah, outside of work. Yeah. Well, all right. Josh, we're torturing you. We don't need any... Any seances. or lights, games, anything like that.

We're just going to sit and act our age in a controlled environment with music at a reasonable level. And we're going to be responsible with our food and alcohol intake. That's what we're looking for tonight. And it sounds like you have all of those things covered. Yeah, I have vast. your wife for a few pieces of advice. What are you asking her for? What did she know

about parties? She knows how to plan everything. Well, she knows how to plan like corporate parties and things like that. I don't know if she's much of a... Anyway, so what were you asking her about? I'd ask her about wines. Oh, yeah, yeah. I didn't know anything about that. I'd have to ask

her questions on that too. She knew everything. She knows how long to cool one wine and when you open it up. She knows she'd do all that stuff. Well, everything is going to be fine. People are texting in, you guys should have a circle jerk. What's the matter with you people? What is it wrong with you?

We don't have to have a party for that. Yeah, we do that after a show each day. Play spin the bottle, hire a mariachi band. That would be cool. You know what? There's so many kids in the neighborhood. I bet they'd love that hiring a mariachi band. I even pulled weeds.

You know, I really want you guys to have a good time and not be burdened by weed. You haven't. I don't want you burdened by Buckthorne. You even went, how do you say it, outside to pull weeds? Little everything. We show up. That was a good time, but he had some creeping Charlie in the yard, I noticed, and kind of ruined the night.

People have texted in, they're wondering, you've cleaned the bathroom that you pooped on it, right? Yeah. And I will be doing another once over today. Somebody recommended to take those boxers from yesterday. And we can kind of play, you know, maybe I put them in my boxer drawer and you guys have to find it. Yeah, can we get a full-on tour of that bathroom where the shower took place? I even ask my wife, I'm like, should I get gift bags or, you know, like a take-home bag or something for everybody?

You told me, for some reason I'm being ridiculous. And she's like, you know, you see these guys every day. Why are you so concerned? You're not really built for this. No, not at all. I don't know how to host. Well. And then I asked her, like, come up with some topics for small talk, you know?

So I had a list. We're going to start with politics. That'll get things going. Yeah, I thought that'd be a good start. Let's not have you take this on again. No, I'm actually very much looking forward to it. But I think maybe next time your wife will plan it. You got to pay her for that.

That's what she does for a living. That's fine. I'm going to make the money back with the coverage. charge for this evening. Have you ever been to a house party where there was out, I'm not talking about strippers, of course. You've been to a house party where there was like a magician going, and we can't count children's parties either.

A magician going around or hey, we hired a hypnotist. Hey, we hired a, I don't think that I ever have. I have been once. That sounds awesome. What was it, Dana? I was at a birthday party once. This guy, Ashley, you would hate him. He really loves clowns.

He's big. He was a theater major. He loves the whole artist. of clowns and stuff. The artistry of clown. Yeah, you know, just the history of it. He's terrifying. Right.

And we thought it'd be funny. Oh, we should hire a clown for his birthday. So the guy shows up. He's like 60 years old and it's funny for about a minute and he's, you know, making balloon animals. And then it's like, well, the guy's here for an hour. What do we do now? It just got so awkward and uncomfortable.

This was a group of young adults. Of course it did. Yeah. We were probably 27, 28. A clown was hired. Mm-hmm. That sounds really, really awful. It was fun for the big reveal.

Like, he was surprised and it was fun, and he came out, he had the whistle going, and like you said, made some balloons, and then there's kind of like, all right, well, now what? People are recommending Wonder joints for your party, Josh. A Papa shot tournament. Here's the problem. Is yours gone, too? It's gone.

Mine's gone. I got rid of the Papa show. Yeah, I thought that would have been great. So I even asked. Like you folks would have any chance at all. you would not. That's why I got rid of it. Yeah, so people are mentioning drugs.

I did ask another buddy, like, do I, like, bring gummies? But I don't think anybody outside of the boss would even... No, don't bring any frigging. He's like, well, you're just going to have, like, a crystal bowl full of gummies? Yeah, what? Here's a handful for you.

I'm doing. I hope that your house party turns out kind of like the movie house party. Just gets kind of wild. They had a great time. Yeah. Except Bill Al, the DJ. how everyone kept bumping into the DJ table

and then the record would skip. Yeah. It pissed off Bill out. He was kind of upset. And I apologize. People are saying what happened to their invites. It must be a mail thing. They probably... Yeah, I heard that the mail was messed up. It's a little slow. Jesus, imagine, you know, you're nervous just having three, four of us over there.

Imagine if it was 25, 30 people, you'd be a nervous wreck. You'd be a maniac. Oh, yeah. I just post your address at 93X.com. Hey, you know what? Come over. We're going to have some extra Chipotle. But if you don't have a good time, it's not my fault. But just know I'm doing my best. You're not going to have any extra Chipotle if you really have gift bags, because I'll fill mine. Oh, yeah. I'm ready for you guys to bring some home. On my way home. I went to a seance once.

It was probably the stupidest night of my life. Was this a radio-related thing? Yeah, it was a radio-related thing. I was... Because I don't see you going otherwise. No, of course not. Of course not. This was my early days of radio. And one of the guys I was working with, oh, he loved the, what's the character that we used to have on the show?

Josh had pissed me off so bad. She was a... Victoria Bullis? She was a psychic? Psychic. Yeah, this guy that I worked on the year with was big into psychics. And a psychic that he really liked also would host seances. And he thought this was interesting stuff.

He was wrong. And I told him he was wrong, but he wouldn't listen. So I had to go to his favorite psychic or with his favorite psychic to a seance and record everything. And then bring it back to the radio station so we could play the interesting audio on the air. Well, as you guys, I'm sure are very well aware of, because you've tuned into a few of those ghost television shows, ghost hunting television. Yeah, nothing interesting ever. happens. And I sat there for hours with the recording device up in the air as they were trying to conjure some dead dude to come back from beyond. Not a not a sound. But of course, the psychic

and the seance person, oh, they were convinced they heard things, they smelled things. They saw things. Do you think they were convinced or they're not? It's all nonsense. Top to bottom, nothing but nonsense. I'd like to think they, at least they, even if you don't, I'd like to think they believe it, but you're right, they're probably putting on a show. This person says, I just saw it a house party,

someone pretended to drop dead, and it was a murder mystery they had to solve. Oh, I love murder mystery. Stop that. I shouldn't have read that out loud. It's so fun. And there's just a guy that shows up in a suit and says, well, apparently Josh has dropped dead,

and someone hears the murderer. Oh, I would have loved that, Josh. Dang it. Really got into that. Oh, God. If you surprised us with that, I have a feeling you'd leave. I can't.

Dude, I'd be so excited. You, Josh, you've never seen me move so fast. And you have to lie on your kitchen floor with a straight face and pretend to be dead. Like you said, the host of this gimmick comes around the corner and says, says, well. Some guy, none of us know. All of a sudden there's just like a fog that comes out of the fog. He's got an old-timey pipe in his mouth, too.

I mean, dude, I would move so fast. Make sure I kicked you while you were down and then grab that Chipotle and I'm out of it. Give a mahog and leg drop on the way out. The last thing I say, my dying breath, don't look at my penis. And then everybody runs away. Eastbound and sundown, Jesus said we could all sit away. I lost one. Oh, we could play, guess what, next major thing goes wrong at Josh's house.

Yeah, you guys could play that. Oh, with the structure itself. Will it be the lighting, the plumbing? Oh, yeah, that's... It had something yesterday. That's not a bad game at your house. I mean, that's perfect for your house because you bought this garbage pile that you've been fixing for... It's cursed. I believe it's cursed.

How many years? 10 years? No, since 2019, so six years. 10 years? Ten years. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning.

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heating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to bialki law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Action.

Next role with Vernon Davis. I'm your host, Vernon Davis. Okay, y'all, thank you. Thank you. That's my... Today, we have Dietrich Wyss. Through my example, on the field, off the field, during game day and practice, that was one way that I led, because then led to success. Next role isn't about what's next. It's about why they do it. My man, Bobby Bones.

Like, I've had a lot of stuff happen, bad and good. And so I don't have any feelings. of mixing it up. That's powerful, man. Next role with Vernon Davis. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93X. Listeners, this is your chance to listen in on what has been named the third most depressing job in the year of 20 and 25.

Surprise is not higher. Uh-oh, you do sound depressed. When you said that, you sounded depressed. There's always a little bit of something. sadness behind Dana's delivery. A little bit of sadness. This has been named the most depressing job, I mean, not specifically

this program, but arts, entertainment, sports, and media. Arts, entertainment, sports, and media has been named the third most depressing gig. You could get your hands on these days.

A new report surfaced on the sea of nonsense that is the internet. And it busted out the most depressing. The survey, Josh, asked nearly a half a million people. I mean, that's a pretty good chunk of change right there. That's a decent amount of folks.

A half a million people. This wasn't, you know, 2,500 people at a rodeo or something that were pulled. This was a half a million people. They were asked if their jobs are depressing. And we came in third. on the podium. I wouldn't describe it as depressing. If they're throwing in like newscasters, that's got to be depressing.

A lot of depressing news they have to cover. They get quite a bit of heat for their appearance and the stories they cover, that kind of thing. I could see how that would, I mean, look at Janelle. She wants out of her job so bad. Janelle joining us today later. She wants out of her job so bad at times. And you can understand she's quite. called at a moment's notice to go to the most horrible things in the world and to confront

these families who have some terrible things going on. They're miserable. And she's got to try and do that professionally and not look like she's about to jump off a bridge. That's tough to fake. Yeah. Television news, you can understand their depression. I guess, I mean, do you guys think that you'd be a little bit happier if you didn't have

to, like, read the stuff that we read online? Yes. I think I would, you know, a lot of the stuff that I read, I wouldn't have to read if it wasn't for this job. I mean, I guess that's kind of a downer. That's one thing I've mentioned before. It would be a nice just to tune out from that. I do my best, but you're right. You run across headlines and there's probably five times a day.

I'm like, oh, for F's sake. You know, just terrible. And like this, Local 34 Jesus, all the constant lies they make you tell in the news. Like that kind of criticism. You know? It's tough to come up with the fake news each and every. day. I wish the government wasn't forcing us to lie to our listeners. That's one regret I have with this gig, that the government forces us to lie to our listeners. That does trouble me at times, but I get

past it because of all the money. Well, they threatened my kids. They did. Yeah, they threatened my kids. Okay, so arts, entertainment, sports, and media. We're lumped into that group. Medical device Jesus said, didn't Randy Shaver cite the reading of today's news as the reason for him to retire? Yes. He did. I can't say that that has much of a an effect on me. Because the focus of my show prep, I don't cross too many dark stories. Josh, you do, so I can

understand how that would bring you down. But let me just be clear here. Or maybe you can help me. Arts, entertainment, sports, and media. Sports, are they telling us that today's

athletes are depressed? Could be sports reporters and sports writers. That's kind of way I interpreted it. Okay, let's go along with that. Arts? Does that mean your typical rock star isn't feeling so good about themselves these days? Well, they do seem to be moody. I mean, how many, um, what did they stand-up comics have we met? They just really seem pretty hurt, you know? They might put on a certain show. I mean, we've had a couple in here where once the mics went on, they were just outrageous and hilarious,

but off air. They seem like they just heard the worst news they've ever heard. Comics generally strike me as troubled people. They do. All right. So the most depressing jobs out there, 18 of them were listed. We'll go from 18 to 1 skis. Number 18, I don't see myself skipping to work

if I were a miner. How is that not higher? Yeah, what? Technal. Mining. Coming home each day, just sore and covered in soot. Yeah, you got health problems? because of it. No, thanks.

Those are the stories that we hear, right? That you're not generally a very healthy person by inhaling the underground on a daily basis, mining. Jesus, I wouldn't last a half hour before they were, it would be friendly fire, Josh. It would be friendly fire. If I became a minor, they would put up with me for about 30 minutes before they threw. They would toss me up out of the hole and had land back on the surface of planet. You're way too soft for this gig, dude. The construction crowd isn't exactly pumped.

They're on the list of depressing jobs. Hard work. Out in the cold, out in the hot. I mean, I'm not saying for sure. These are the factors. I'm just trying to relate to what would bring me down. Yep. I would never be, another job I would never be hired for.

I don't have the skill set for that. But they're on the list. Agrich, I mean, everyone's on the list, basically. There's a lot of jobs on this list. Night shift nurse Jesus said, being a nurse, wiping asses, getting hit, dealing with meth heads, having six plus patients at the time. I can understand.

Okay, healthcare came in. Fifth, I can't imagine how this gig would be more difficult. I mean, I guess that's not the subject. It isn't difficult. It's depressing, depression. So I don't know how to measure this. I'm just saying, I can't imagine how health care, working as a nurse or a doctor,

and all of what that listener just described, I can't imagine how that's not higher than what we do or what a artist does or a television? Well, I think if you have a job where 90% of the time you're running into someone on the worst day of their life, that has to be incredibly depressing. Yeah, so how is that not higher than what we do on the list of depressing gigs? Okay, agriculture, farming. I thought farmers loved their gigs.

Certainly a tough job, but talking about, like, depression. Right. I guess you can have depressing years. Sure. Yeah, AI guess. if you got a bad harvest or something. But yeah, I always thought farmers really loved it. Yeah.

Manufacturing real estate. I bet that could be stressful. Yeah. I mean, any job can be stressful and any job can be tough. But I'm trying to figure out with some of them what makes it depressing, because that's what half a million Americans were asked about. Are you depressed? Or does your job make you?

you depressed real estate i think that uh having to hold your arms out like stretch to the side every each and every day that has to get depressing and very difficult at times i guess some of the realtors i know seem seem on the sad side really yeah a lot of weekend showings and open houses and stuff yeah in a lot of them i think you kind of get i guess a lot of people go off like like how the housing market is doing when thinking about like how the economy is doing as a whole. So like if you're exposed to that, like, constantly about how like nobody has been buying houses, no one has been able to get a home that can be depressing. Here's a cop that says, police, enough said, everyone hates us.

Yeah. Yep. Feel bad. I'm all right with you. I'm all right. Yeah. We are here as well. I mean, I can't imagine how difficult of a job that is.

By the way, a listener texted in to say that not all minor. work underground. I work in an open pit mine, and it's not so bad. So it's tough to measure, you know, so many jobs are on this list. It's tough to fully understand what it is about these gigs specifically that is bringing folks down. I'm trying to figure it out on the fly. Real estate, sure, stressful job, but every damn one of us has a certain amount of stress in our jobs. I think every job is a job, right? Yeah. Public administration, does that mean like politics? Public administrator. I don't know what that means.

I'm not sure. Fair enough. Finance and insurance. That just sounds so boring. I always thought that seemed kind of fun. But I guess that says a lot about me. We're up to the top 10 most depressing jobs, according to a survey. The most depressing jobs in 20 and 25.

Sales at number nine. I could never do sales. I was just talking to somebody about this. Was that you, actually? Who the hell was I talking to? I could never do sales. I could do it if I loved one. what it was. I don't think I'd be able to do it if I just didn't care about it.

Yeah, exactly. If I'm selling like paper clips or something. Good call. That's a good call. If it was something I truly love, now I've got to find something that I love. Like if I working at like a guitar center or a best buy or stuff I would easily spend every dime I made on, I could sell that, I think. My fiance's in sales and he absolutely loves it. He doesn't seem, he doesn't seem depressed. Or things that have made a huge difference in my life, certainly. I had a brief run in sales for 87 days, and believe it or not, I was not very passionate about selling car insurance, rental car insurance to people. It wasn't in my blood. Oh, come on.

That sounds like a riot. Just trying to scare people when they're getting insurance they don't need. Based on texts we're receiving, I had it all wrong about farmers. People are saying that they have high depression rates, and I guess it's a well-known thing. I had never heard that. I had never heard that myself. I read something that the margins are so slim these days, you know, when it comes to making your harvest and making the crops make money.

Yeah, maybe it's something where it's just real corporate now or, yeah, I'm not sure. Okay, well, thank you for the info. I had no idea. The eighth most depressing job in the United States of America is education. Well, yeah, Dana's wife so depressed. She can't even get a job this summer. Seven, legal work being a lawyer or a public pretender or a whatever. the hell. Judge, I don't know. Six, retail workers. Five, we covered already as health care.

Four, food services. Three is what we're doing here, which would fall under the canopy of arts, entertainment, sports, and media. Two, food preparation and serving. Welcome to Hardee's. How can I help you? And then the jackass on the other side of the counter has a meltdown because you put too much mustard on his ham sandwich. Yeah, I did that at a few places, and I wouldn't want to do that again. What did you do? Oh, you were cutting up vegetables. I worked at a few different restaurants.

Yeah, and I couldn't imagine going back to that. You were cutting up veggies at the good earth. Yeah, it was one of the places. But did you ever ring up, ring folks up at the counter, like at a fast food joint? Yes. Oh, you did? Not a fast food restaurant, but it was like a, I don't know how I'd describe. It was like in an office building.

There's a big office building until we essentially were just, it was like a third job I had. And it was just lunch. That was their only hours they were open, and it was very depressing, and the people I worked with were very depressed all the time and very mean. That job really sucked. They hated their jobs, and they took it out on you. So the office dork would walk up and you'd say, hello, what can I get you?

And he'd say, well, I'll take a bologna and cheese. Pretty much, yeah, tuna fish sandwich. It was always kind of the same stuff. Ashley, you worked in fast food. I love that, though. You loved fast. Well, you stayed high. Yeah.

Yeah, you stayed high the entire. 100%? The most depressing job available is community and social services. What does that mean? Cop? I imagine, yeah. Cops and paramedics and firemen and the Red Cross and... Yeah.

Aren't EMTs? Right? Right? Yeah, I think... That would be community and social services. I think you're on something. EMTs have one of the highest suicide rates. I know that. There's just like through the roof.

I don't need to hear about. Short but fat, Jesus, being a stay-at-home mom, very stressful, cooking, cleaning all day. And you're not really alone, but you are alone. You're lonely. And you're always at work, quote, unquote.

Sure, I could see how that would be a little. You're just craving some type of adult interaction. Can we just talk about current events? I don't care. Anything other than, you know, what's on the iPads right now. But if you've got kids, you're not having a lot of adult contact. conversation. Yeah. I get all that, but you are at home.

Well, you said you like to leave the house for social interaction at a target. I do. So, I mean, you can understand. But if my job was at home, I'm at home. But sometimes I don't know what I'm talking about. So there you go. That chaos coordinator, Jesus, health care, you see a lot of bad with very little good. Yeah, that's kind of what I was mentioned. Like, I can't imagine seeing so many people so miserable every single day. I briefly dated an ER nurse a couple years ago and you could just see the stress on her face. She's pouring out constantly 12 hours shifts, four days a week, working like midnight or noon to midnight. Oh, she was, I felt awful for her. Did you make sure

you told her that you could see the stress on her face, Dana? I did not, but. Wow, I could just tell you're tired. She was open about it. She was just, you know, explaining how exhausting things are these, especially because, you know, you're trying to help people, but they're not allowing you to help them because they're pushing back and it's just a nightmare. They say the cake gigs out there are the following. Dog Walker, ride share driver, house slash pet sitter,

mystery shopper. Mystery shopper. I got a buddy who does that on the side. What is mystery shopper? You shop for somebody else? Now you go in and you kind of basically do a review of how the employees did at the store. Were they helpful? Did they ask if you knew

what you're looking for, you know, that type of thing? You basically rate the employees. Really? You did that, Josh? Not for, it wasn't my main job, but when I worked for Target, yeah, I did that a few times where they just ask people, you know, hey, go check this out and just see how, you know, how it goes over there, that kind of thing. You were undercover. Yeah, kind of. I mean, you just go and, you know, browse around like you're shopping.

So you would go to a different target where they didn't know you. Yeah. And it was more like for safety things. Really? Right. Making sure that if there's a wet floor, there's a wet floor sign or just, you know, kind of silly things. things like that. I'm jealous. I've always wanted to do that. You would walk into a different target like you were just some average schmo and not a member of target security. What,

what you? The elite, yeah. The elite, uh, you had a different way to say. Well, I was on the force. You know, I towed that thin, red and khaki line as we did. And they didn't know you were snooping on them and then going back and reporting, hey, the, the, the fellas back in electronics smelled like farts and didn't ask me if I needed any help. Yeah, and it wasn't, I mean, I know there's people that go more detailed. Ards wasn't necessarily really to rat on people. It was more just, if you see something like, hey, here's some things that could maybe be improved.

It was never, it didn't feel as dushy as some of the stuff you're mentioned. I got mystery shopped at Blockbuster and it was intense. Like you had to do every single thing right, including saying at the end of the transaction, thanks for making it a Blockbuster night. And if you didn't say those things, you could get dinged by a mystery shopper. Oh, for Christ, sir.

Really? Yeah. They were very nitpicky about it. And the business is thriving today, so it clearly worked. I can't imagine going home and just being in a bad mood. And my wife asked what's wrong. I'm like, well, you know, I called Tires Plus, and the guy didn't say it's a great day at Tires Plus when he answered.

People are out of their frigging minds. It ruined my experience. I'm never buying tires from them again. Well, sorry to everybody out there who might be depressed with their current occupation. I'd love to be able to instantly find the words to make you feel better. We certainly know the ups and downs around here. I feel like as a man beyond middle age, I should be able to maybe dump some words of wisdom on you,

but it's nothing that's going to sound wildly original. How about this? We're all effed in one way or another. We're all, no matter what the hell you do for a living, and we're all effed in one way or another. We're all underpaid. We're probably all not treated as well as we should be. Everybody's got something.

Everybody's got something. So just find the joys. Find the little things that you love. And focus on those things. Yeah, hopefully there's one or two things that keep bringing you back. Aside just from having a paycheck. Right. I mean, your coworkers and your boss can make such a big difference, I've noticed.

Even if the job sucks and maybe you're not appreciated, by the folks that should appreciate you. If you got some good coworkers and a good boss, I mean, that could keep me going. That goes a long way. You're right. Find focus on the one or two things that do bring you back. And look at it this way.

Soon enough, we're all going to be retired and dead. Yeah. So just, I mean, for some of us, it'll be finally you get, you get to retire your golden years. And for some of us, it'll be a very short amount of time between retirement and death. That's true. Letter Buck.

try and have some fun try and wade your way through the garbage and have some fun. You were talking about your little undercover target gig there, Josh, where you as a target employee would walk into targets around town and just kind of snoop and see how the customer service was and see how this set up. You know, I never did customer service.

Like I said, mine was more like safety stuff. And it was only a handful of. of times I did it. It was never an official position. Is the light going to fall on the head and is the AC, the safety? Okay. Is the floor wet? It reminds me of a friend of mine got busted for, I'll get there. A friend of mine got busted for contributing to miners when he was working at a liquor store. And you guys have heard of this set up before. The cops set this up and they wait for the liquor. And they wait for store to be busier than hell, like 6 p.m. on a Friday, right?

Yeah. And my buddy's ringing up cases of beer and bottles of hooch. He's just pouring sweat, running the register. And then they throw some gal into line who is younger. And, uh, you know, my pal's behind the counter. He was in such a hurry. No, he did not card everybody. He did not.

And he did not card this younger-looking female. And that's when the cop jumps in and says, step away from the register, sir. You've just sold beer to a 17-year-old gal. That sucks. And my buddy said, does she look 17? And the cop, he said, even admitted it after a while, the cop was like, yeah, sorry about this.

But it's something that cop had to do that day. He was assigned to pull that gimmick to try and curb alcohol sales to minors. So my buddy ends up saying, come on, she doesn't look younger than 21. And the cops like, yeah, I know. It's just sorry. You have to step away from the red. And my buddy also said, you had to wait until there was 75 people in line to pull this. And the cop said, yeah, I know.

Sorry. I always thought that gimmick was kind of shady. but it's out there Yeah, we had those when I worked in the restaurant industry, people that would come in and it was terrifying but we usually could figure it out. The gal, you know, was like a

hired by, I don't know, hired by the cops, I guess, too, I don't know the whole story. I can't remember who hires them, but yeah, word usually gets around. And I think the gal even said to my buddy, like, yeah, sorry. Because usually if they hit like one spot in the neighborhood, it's like that time

of the year or something like that or whatever it is. And so they'll hit like a couple other places. And so yeah, word usually gets around so you know, at least when I worked in the restaurant industry so that you know to be on the lookout for someone that comes in alone. I bet businesses do that themselves, you know, like a gas station or something to make sure no one's selling cigarettes or something to minors just because how screwed they get. I mean, there was a gas station by me where they couldn't sell cigarettes for, it was almost a year or something crazy like that. Yeah. Because they got busted a couple of times.

Hell, I just found out recently that, didn't I just find this out? We learned, well, I know I learned it on air. You can't buy a can of chew unless you're 21? Yeah, you just learned the tobacco laws. I didn't know that this is just recently. What, 21? You got to be 21 to buy a can of chew.

Josh, you could have played that undercover role with your youthful appearance. You could have played, you could have been that character that. Maybe into my early 20s. You could have been that guy. I remember in my early 20s wishing I looked older. I just was kind of embarrassed that people thought I was younger than I was.

You always wanted to look older? Yeah, I wanted to look older, so I wouldn't get that old. I don't know why that embarrassed me, but... Well, it's not embarrassing anymore. No, I'd change it now. Yeah. Now you want to look younger? Yeah, I wouldn't mind looking younger.

Well, you don't look... You still look young. Well, it's nice. You can't, can't, here's a guy you can't make him happy. No, not at all right. He wants to look. He wants to look older. And then when he does, he wants to look younger.

Grass is always greener, as they say. Yep. They want to glorify the fact that they're criminals. It's dumb. These guys are dumb. They deserve to be tossed under the jail just for being dumb. The 93X-Half as morning. Most of you know, I'm not a social media guy.

I did try it for a while. It was fun. There were some foxy ladies. We had some laughs, but then my life was threatened, and I took a walk. Long story, I can tell you some other time. I'll tell you this much. My life was threatened because of wildly inaccurate information, which is one of the things I like to pick on when it comes to social media.

A lot of the folks who hang out there, by God, they're convinced they know. But they couldn't be more wrong. We've experienced that, certainly. They couldn't. In some cases, we've seen that the truth is the exact opposite. But here's the deal. It says here, maybe social media isn't all that bad. What I have here is 30 different skills that people have learned on social media.

First off, you folks tell me, have you learned a skill due to your social media activity? YouTube. I guess that's not necessarily social media, but certainly a lot of stuff off YouTube. Where I've learned about ways to learn skills on social media, like, hey, check out this website or whatever. Yeah, that's a good point, Josh. Not really skills, but I've learned, like, I guess what they call your favorite thing ever, Nick, life hacks. Oh. So just like little things, like how to clean something better.

That would count. That's exactly what they're talking about. Okay. Yeah. Exactly what they're talking. I learn stuff like that all the time. I've learned nothing, but it's been years since I went anywhere near social. So tell me what you think.

Here we go. 30 skills that people have learned from social media to show that maybe it's not all evil and soul, and wildly misinformed and judgmental, instantly judgmental. With very little information. Right, right. None. Gaming skills have been learned on social media. How do I get past level six on Halo?

And then you go, I don't know. I'm just a guess. Okay, yeah, I can definitely use that for sure. Oh, I've done that again, YouTube. Like, I don't really game very often, but you just get sick of something like, okay, I'm going to watch somebody else do it. I just want to get past this point. How do I do it?

I feel guilty. sometime. I do too, actually. Yeah, why is that? I think someone's going to catch me and they're going to be like, ah, you cheater. But again, as a kid, I didn't feel guilty about using a strategy guide back when we didn't have YouTube yet to, you know.

Oh my gosh. I forgot those exist. I know, right? You and the other dork used to pass a strategy guy. Oh, yeah. That was big time. Like Game Informer magazine? Yeah, stuff like that, where they have like the maps and the cheat codes and stuff.

You should brought me back, Dana. Which one of you guys has the strategy guide? I let Wendell borrow it. How do I get past the water temple? Wendell, it's me, Dana. I need that strategy guide. Get on your bicycle. Get over here. I'm at the water level.

So true, though. Wendell shows up. I'm only letting you have it for two hours, man. I got to have that strategy guide back. It's funny because of how accurate it is. Well, no, I guess I can say that I understand this. Many, many, many years ago when I was playing Grand Theft Auto part, who knows, I looked up on social media how to get the all-weapons thing, right?

Yeah. The all-weapons, constant life, whatever the proper term. Exercise routines, Josh. People have learned exercise routines on social media, and it's led them to a happier and healthier life. Oh, yeah. Plenty of times. I don't know about the happier and healthier part, but...

I follow some fitness influencers, not necessarily because I follow their work-o routines, because they're pretty foxy. You want to see them in their little spandex. Sure. Yeah. What was her name again on ESPN? Oh.

Daisy Fluxes? Daisy Fuentes was a complete nuclear missile, but that's not who. She was a fitness gal on ESPN. Brooke Burke. Oh, yeah. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh. People have learned. Yeah, she's all right. All right. Cooking skills. have been learned on social media? Yeah, I've looked that up before. Just how do I make this pasta sauce without...

What temperature is that supposed to get to do? Killing my entire family. Those are really good for meal preps. There's a lot of really good meal prep ideas on social media. Here's something that Dana needs hairstyles. You can go on social media and learn a new hairstyle. I actually do need that help badly. Those make me mad, those videos.

I don't like the social media cooking ones just because all of my... I said my son needs all these. like bougie sauces and stuff. He'll be like, hey, can you pick me up some truffle salt or like weird meos and stuff like that? I've never even heard of. He's making aoles and stuff. He's into all that kind of stuff. Suddenly he's Martha Stewart or whatever.

Maybe that's not a fair comparison. Isn't she a cooking lady? Yeah. Okay. Or Dubai chocolates. You know, all these things that get like hot. That's so hot right now. On social media all of a sudden.

Like, look at, have you priced those, by the way? No, I've seen them like at the girls. But I haven't, I haven't really looked into it. It's outrageous. Really? I don't get it. It just looks like moldy chocolate. People have learned new makeup skills.

Oh, yeah. Applying makeup. How do I make my thing, my eyelashes do this and the dance routines? Oh, the TikTok dances. Yeah, that's pretty much well. I don't know any of them. You never learned any of the new dance routines from, what's the one from 25 years ago, 20 years ago that I heard every Thursday night up at Pops.

Oh, I got the song right in the tell. I'll get back to you. There was a certain dance he always did up at the bar there. Maybe you could learn how to do it on social media. I'm not sure. Drawing. Okay, baking, same as cooking. Learning a foreign language on social media.

It'd be nice. It really would. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed it when I was a kid. I did. It was one of the only classes I enjoyed. in junior high. I don't, mainly because I loved the teacher. He was such a laid-back cat. I did really enjoy learning how to speak Spanish. Would I commit myself to it today? No, probably not,

because no one's there to grade me. Um, no, people are texting in what dance it was back 20 years ago at freaking, uh, yeah, here it is, Cupid shuffle. I love that dance. Every Thursday night, all the drunk young people would, would gather on the dance floor and they'd play the Cupid. Daddy Magic Jesus said, I saw a Dubai Chuffel. chocolate bar at the gas station for $20, and I just about throat punched the innocent guy behind the counter because I couldn't believe it. Are you kidding me? Oh, yeah.

The one, the link my son sent me on Amazon, it was like $45. For one bar? Yeah, one bar. That's ridiculous. And your son actually asked for one of these. Yeah, he's an idiot. What's wrong with this knicker bar, bro? Exactly.

I got two words for you. Pay, woo, day. if you're looking for a candy bar. That's a good candy bar. Watch a McCallet. When's the last time you had one of those? Not that long, actually. Never.

That's good stuff. I'm a junkie now. What else are people learning on social media, so it's not all evil and soulless and wildly misinformed? Playing a musical instrument. Oh, yeah. Anytime I want to learn how to play a song, I'll go on YouTube. You look up how to play certain songs on the guitar.

Definitely. I don't know what this means. C-O-D-I-N-G. Programming. Oh, for Christ's sake. Painting. You guys like the Pets. I've looked up drawing stuff.

That's a skill I wish I had. I'm so impressed. Ashley, you're so good at it. Thank you. But why do you wish you were better? I don't know, just especially as a kid, like I had some friends that were super good at it. And like they could, we used to draw like war planes. We were obsessed with war planes.

And I was, I was okay at best. But I had some friends that basically you'd want to pay for it. They were so good. But what would you do with it now? I can't imagine Colin Josh. Josh is, wait a minute, there are no home lines anymore, home phones. But let's say I called Josh's phone and his wife says, hello. Is Josh there?

Well, he is, but he's busy drawing. Well, I mentioned before at a buddy. I mean, this is before porn was so prolific and easy to get, a buddy who would draw custom porn picks for people, whatever your kink was. I love that story. He has every skill imaginable that he's used for evil, but he used to make money selling hand-drawn porn pictures. What a side hustle.

A couple of our listeners have texted in on 651 is the number. This is how you punch it into your phone. [phone]. They've learned how to do certain things with their motor vehicle by watching videos or something similar on social media. Terrific. Do-it-yourself projects? I've looked them up.

I still don't have the balls to try myself. Yeah, I spend a lot of time watching, like, the little short videos of somebody redoing a room. So like they, I don't know, they put up shelves and all that, make shelves or whatever. And like one day. And that's going to be me totally. No, no, it's not going to be. Oh, dude.

This is why, I mean, a lot of this makes sense. Sure. You want to learn how to do something? Go ahead. Fire up a video on social media. Maybe you'll just end up with that particular skill. Here's my favorite though, so far. self-defense techniques, man.

Pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, pa. Next to, you know, six, eight guys are... It's just carcass all over the sidewalk after I'm done. Because I learned a self-defense, and they didn't even attack me. I just cut loose on them, you know, for no reason. Which is probably wrong. Josh, I probably shouldn't learn self-defense techniques and then just attack strangers on this.

No, it's supposed to be just defensive. But wouldn't you be impressed, though, If you and I were walking on the sidewalk and I just started karate. The temptation would be great. Should that be so sweet? I would love to see that. We've been going back and forth on social media. Well, that sounds like we're on social media.

How should I say that, Josh? We've been going back and forth on the subject of social media. Things you can learn on social media. Yeah, is it evil? Yeah, soulless, yes, wildly misinformed. Is it one of the biggest mistakes that man. kind has ever made. Absolutely. But are there some things that we can still use it for, some good things we can still use it

for? Sure. There's plenty of good. A lot of folks have learned skills. What are your top three skills, Josh? Top three skills? I'm going to say playing the guitar. Being entertaining, informative, and hilarious on the radio. Uh-uh. And, God, what will be your third skill? Oh, obviously you're an, unbelievable athlete. It's true. Clearly. I mean, I'm very good at not being able to throw a spiral.

Oh, yeah. I've seen you throw a football. Like a lot of guys, if they are not very good at throwing, maybe one out of ten, they'll get a spiral. Zero out of ten for me. I want to play catch with you. I can catch. I just can't throw.

When he throws, it's painful to watch. For example, when my son plays football and a lot of times, you know, the moms or dads will warm their son up beforehand playing a little catch. I like trying kind of hide behind a tree so nobody can see how bad my throws are. I can't figure. I think it's because of my tiny hands. You do have very smallish. A small football, I'm okay, but a regular-sized football, it's miserable.

I remember back in the day I was trying to show you. And just to get an idea, when Josh throws a football, he kind of delivers it like someone throws a shot put. Yeah, I can picture that. You're just unable to really, anyway. And then you know, you can probably recreate that sound I make anytime I throw it. When I throw him a football, this is the sound you make that Josh makes. When you throw it directly at him. He claps his hands and it hits him in the chest.

That's not true. I can catch. But when I throw, I kind of go. Oh, when you throw it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. on social media, if and you haven't already. Where do we leave off of?

We've had a long list here. Gaming, exercise, cooking, hairstyles, makeup, dance routines, drawing, baking, learning a foreign language, playing a musical instrument, coding, painting, do-it-yourself projects, self-defense techniques is where we left off. Budgeting and finance tips?

Oh, definitely. Learn how to handle your monies. I don't know what CV writing is. Resume writing. Oh, God. Oh. Well, we'll all get there eventually. Good thing. You knew that. I had no idea. First aid. Recycling properly. Recycling. I don't play that game. What a scam. It's for the birds.

Cleaning tips. Someone mentioned that already. Cleaning tips. Yep. Performing CPR on somebody. Oh, yeah, I guess that's where I learned. Yeah, I've watched videos to learn how to do that. We probably all should know how to do that. That's where we all learned how to do the dog Heimlich maneuver. Dog Heimlich maneuver. A couple months ago, I found how to give a dog, a dog, the hemmlich. I don't recall that. Well, that's also maybe something we all should know.

Meditation. That's hard. It's really hard to master that. I agree. I tried it once via a recommendation from our boss. And I gave it a shot. I couldn't figure it. Now, people have said, oh, it's a skill.

You got to practice and practice. I gave up. But that was very difficult. Because you have to, like, completely clear your mind. And that's impossible for me. People have learned meditation from watching videos on social media. The last handful of skills here that we can maybe go back and forth on breathing techniques, like say when you're having a baby, maybe.

Or is it you're stressed out? I have seen a lot of those videos. Oh, just stress, deep breaths. Okay. I guess, yeah, that's talking about babies. I've learned a lot about what to expect and what to bring with to the hospital, all those kind of things from social media.

One of my favorite jokes ever. Stephen Wright, 35, 40 years ago, he told this joke on late night with David Letterman, if I'm not mistaken. Stephen Wright said, I've been taking Lamas classes. Nobody's having a baby. I'm just having trouble breathing.

Sign language. Yeah. That'd be a very cool skill to have. I know Josh, your wife knows how to sign. So cool. When I took sign language in college, YouTube came very much in handy. Oh, you took it? You took it in college.

Yeah. Can you have a conference? My wife's fluent. I've lost a lot of it, but I could still definitely handle the basics. Yeah, it's super cute, Josh. Whenever your wife and my fiance are in the same room and they start talking about sign language, they'll start to, like, do it back and forth to each other. I love watching it.

Yeah, well, he's not as, fluent as your wife is, but he took a couple years of it. It's definitely cool like you go to a store and there's a deaf person and you can tell how much they appreciate it. She's able to communicate. That's awesome. The last three skills that people have learned on social media are pretty interesting for the final three.

What to do if you fall through ice? I can tell you what I did when I fell through ice. I frigging panic. Yeah. That's what I did. And what did they tell you not to do? They told me not to panic and I went straight to that. That's so crazy.

But I didn't panic as bad. as Big Al did. Big Al, I thought, oh, God. Anyway, what's crazy? They described like one of the most terrifying things that can happen to a person. Now, don't panic. How? You have to meditate for that, Ashley. You got to learn how to. We were in my pickup, and we went through the ice, and we both panicked. Oh, it's so scary. You can learn how to crochet. I've always wanted to learn how to crochet. That looks fun.

That got big during the pandemic. Go to my friggin' sister's house. That's all she and her kid do. They sit around and they just make socks and sweater. It's just a wall of yarn when you walk into the... Josh, didn't your daughter just learn how to crochet? Well, is not what she did with that little skeleton thing she made you? Is that crocheting? I think so. That's sweet.

I want to learn how to do that. That and like cross stitch and stuff. Escaping quicksand! What's that joke? How does that go? The social media thing? Yeah, I was led to believe that quicksand would be more prevalent and dangerous in my life than it ended up being.

Yeah. Never once had to worry about it in real life. I was a kid. I sure was terrified. Bermuda Triangle? Terrify the Bermuda Triangle. People have gone on social media and learned how to escape quicksand.

I'll be down. A few text messages came in on the subject. One of our listeners learned dog training methods watching social media. I could use some of that. I'll give you an idea what I deal with at the house. When I call my dog, I say, Gertrude. Come here.

She looks at me as if she's saying, herself. Who the hell does this guy think? You know what I mean? This is my house, bitch. You say my name. I'm supposed to come up. She knows who the alpha is. She says, think again, pal. What else did our listeners? One of our listeners learned how to tattoo folks

watching social media and YouTube. And then finally, a listener says, has anybody mentioned the jackoff instructions yet? No, nobody mentioned that. Oh, yeah, the J-O-I video. Yeah, J-O-I. You've seen everyone.

seen those videos, right? The gal's like, okay, here's how you do it. Or somebody that suggested they learned how to help a pretty lady who's stuck in a dryer. How does that happen? How do they get stuck in a dryer? I can't figure it out. Over and over. It's ridiculous. It is a little silly, but it happens. Yeah, it seems to happen. A friend of mine was saying sometimes like, oh, it's not just dryer. Sometimes it's underneath a coffee table. Underneath the bed. Oh, a bed too. The car. Yep. I've seen that. Did they explain how they get in these situations ever?

Well, she was trained very loosely. I usually zoom ahead. I don't want to hear the talking. She was. She's not here for the plot shot. Nah. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

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I host of the stacking Benjamin's podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes is basically data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry.

I have an experience. extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin' taxes now. That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please. Yes, every show from now. We'll be like that. Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-assed morning show. 93x. Next time you step out of doors, keep an eye out. I'm telling you right now, keep an eye out for crape's sake, because they've been cut loose. They have been? Released. Ashley, ask me what has been released.

What has been released? The bees! We get wasps. A ton of wasps. Not so much bees. I'm clearing out wasp nests, I'd say, a few times a year. They love hanging out at our house. I haven't had one in a while. Usually every summer they like to make a nest in the shed,

but I think maybe we scared them away finally. We get them on the house, and have you heard of grass wasps? I think they're called? Oh, yes. We get those, and it's a weird thing. We have crank out windows. And there was one time I opened up the window, and all this, like, it looked like hay, fell out. What the hell's going on?

What's my son doing? I thought him and his moron friends were just kind of putting them around the frame of this window. And then I looked and there's a bunch of them, and I googled it, and it was grass wasps. Because I found, like, some dead ones in there. Weirdest thing ever, I've never had that before. So I don't know if it's a crank out window thing or just our neighborhood or what? I don't know if it helps with the grass wasps, but I have heard that if you get like a brown paper bag,

like a cub bag or grocery bag, and you kind of form it to look like a nest, that they'll stay away because they think it's another bees territory. Really? There is something very satisfying about raiding a wasp nest. By raiding, I mean, me physically going in and knocking it down, but standing 10 feet away with the spray can and just dousing the thing. I enjoy that.

I was just going to move. I figured this is their house now. Yeah, that's what I would do. That's what I can do. I'm out. We get all types in my neighborhood. The real angry bastards, the one that come up from the ground, the ones that hang from your shed, all that. I hate those some bitches.

A few years ago, I was clearing out some brush and whatnot because I was having a fence put in on my property. and I mean I'm such a stupid bastard and it had been so long since I'd been stung by bees, wasp, hornets, whatever the hell they were. I don't know, I can't tell one from the other. But I'm raking and ow, what the hell? I must have pulled something in my, ow, what's that in my lower back?

There some bitches came up from the ground and they were killing me. I didn't even know it. Surprise attack. I thought I was having like pinch. I mean, it's so stupid. I've never seen that box tossing Jesus had something similar. He stepped on a ground hornet's nest.

And you got attacked. They came up from the ground and got me, Cubby. And then I doused him with some kind of killer powder. I watched them just, oh, I watched them choke the death. It was awesome. That would be so satisfying. I went to Lowe's and got some killer nuclear, nuclear ground bee powder. And I killed every one of them.

Shotgun Messiah Jesus says, I have squatter hornets. Yeah, I think that's what I have. I can't kick them out legally. I can't kick them out. The bees have been released. And every swing in D, should be aware of it. Now, the good news is the bees were released all the way over in Spain.

So we proud, barrel-chested, fat-bellied Midwestern Americans, we've got some time to prepare. But this was one hell of a deal right here. It was. Over there in Spain, a 70-year-old beekeeper was so pissed off about being pulled over by the local cops that he set, his equally angry bees loose on the police. Get them.

No. And the attack was so vicious that the cops had to run for their lives and take shelter in a nearby restaurant. And now they're everyone else's problem, these bees, and they're headed in this direction. This short-tempered old beekeeper, bastard that he is, was driving around with no seatbelt,

and he was all over the road. He's swerving around the road. That's why the cops drove up on his ass and dumped the cherries on him and pulled them over. All over the road, no seatbelt. I mean, his friggin van.

And when the cops walked up to talk to him, beekeeper, Dick, he popped off right away. He said to the police, I should have run you over, he said. That's a good start. Yeah. And when he came off, you know, at the moment, like that, the cops said, well, what are you drunk or something?

And they asked the prick to take a breathalyzer, and that's when the beekeeper totally busted a spring, and he threatened to kill the cops. Now I'm going to kill you, he said. Before the cops knew what the hell was going on, dude went to the back of his stupid van and unleashed the bees. Get them, you bastards. I am your Commander, follow my orders, get them. I always thought beekeepers were kind of like whimsical, nice people. Like they love the planet. Not this peckerhead in Spain.

He's an angry one. I know one beekeeper or a former beekeeper. And actually, he is one of the nicest, friendliest, funniest, funniest gentleman. That's what he is. He's a gentleman. Does he bring you, honey? Well, this was back when he was a kid. All right.

He no longer keeps bees. This was one of the most fascinating conversations. I've ever had in a fish house. Normally when we're fishing, it's just all dirty jokes and sexual conquest stories and sports talk. And then suddenly this guy had been ice fishing with for five, you know, winters in a row. He says, you know, when I was a kid, I was a beekeeper. And I said, okay, pump the brakes on this.

This is what? I'd never heard. I'd never met anybody who did that for any, he told me all about it. I thought it was fascinating. That's so cool. It is cool. It's, yeah, just watching them with that tin can or whatever. whatever they got, smoking them out.

You know, it's kind of crazy watching that. I said there was just a show I was watching yesterday. They had that. It's fascinating. The bees, under the command of their evil master beekeeper, like I was saying, started teeing off on the cops. And then beekeeper Dick hopped back into his van and he punched it. Gone.

Like I told you, a few of the cops had to dive into a restaurant because the cloud of bees was too much to handle. Two cops ended up in the damned, how do you call it, emergency room. They had to take something called cortisol, and maybe they were allergic. I know nothing about that kind of a thing. I think the average person can only be stung a certain amount of times. Like, I don't think you have to be alert. I think, yeah, something like that.

I'm not sure how many times. Let's have a sting off and see who can handle the most stings. I'll tell you what, Covey. I handled about seven of them, like I told you, before I even knew what was happening. Oh, man. They eventually found the bee master, and the cops gave them the pummeling of a lifetime. Yeah, and I thought those beekeepers, they loved their bees. You know, maybe not necessarily pets, but they really respected them.

They wouldn't do that. Yeah, he wouldn't train them for good, not evil. They wouldn't train him to kill. He was drunk. Aha, fun fact. The number of bee steens a person can survive before death varies, but on average, an adult should be able to survive around. a thousand beastings.

In a day? Oh, I guess it doesn't say it. In a lifetime? I think it's all at once. When we were little, little kids, my brother and I, oh God, I don't know, five. Well, maybe a little older than that. Maybe about eight, along with our neighbor, Pistol Pete from across the street,

and Pistol Pete's foster brother, the four of us, one summer volunteered to go house to house in our neighborhood with broomsticks and knock all the bees' nests down out of the trees or if you had one hanging from your house we would, that was our, we thought of it

as our summer job and we called ourselves the bee gees. That's awesome. Cute. Because they were hot at the time, 1978, something like that. And we only lasted a day,

day. Most people said, sorry, but we don't need your help. We don't have any bee problems. But then one guy down the street said, yeah, there's a wasp nest or something in this tree. And so we all went over to the tree and we beat the nest down off of the tree and all of the bees or whatever they were stung the piss out of Pistol Pete's foster brother. And it scared the hell out of us and we never. went back out again. So our summer job lasted one day and Pistol Pete's foster brother had to go to the hospital. You guys ever think about getting the band back together? One last job? Boy, now that we're in our 50s, seems like the safe and reasonable thing to do. Ugly seen. All of us with our shirts off, the neighbors are, oh, God, what is this?

My four sons, Jesus said he once saw a beekeeper severely overreact to an old lady getting scammed. Yeah, they made a documentary about that and they're about to make a second one. That was so ridiculous, but so awesome. Yeah, that was a great movie. That was a very entertaining movie. Jason Stadeham one of my all-time favorites, but he did severely overreacted. It's very unfortunate what happened to that lady. Terrible.

They should spend their lives in jail, but he overreacted. You might have some unresolved anger issues. Yeah. Never saw it, but I saw the trailer and laughed my balls on. Oh, everybody did. I can't remember what movie I was at, and they showed that trailer. And everyone's like, oh, you know, Jason's Day. them. And then once they say the name, the beekeeper, everyone lost it.

I don't go to a lot of movies, Cubby, as you know, but, so it had to have been, you wondered what movie was showing the trailer. It had to have been a Stallone film or, because that's pretty much all I do. Anyway, vertically challenged Sheez's was stung, was stung when she was a kid, 36 times by wasps. She went into shock. She said, I probably should have gone to the hospital, but parents. You know how your mom and dad could be back years ago. Yeah, rub some dirt on it.

No, no, she doesn't need to. So she's swelled to three times her normal size. She's petite. And we had to put her in an ice bath, and she went into shock. Does she need to go to the hospital? No, no. That might cost $5. Oh, you poor thing.

Super hard worker. She just said, I just learned dryer sheets can deter wasps. I guess mail carriers put them in mailboxes. Yeah, I mentioned our mail carrier, Craig. What's up, Craig? He put one in our mailbox. And I didn't know. At first I saw it in there.

I'm like, what the heck? There's a dryer sheet. Sweet free dryer sheet. Is this a threat? Is it like some sort of swingers thing? I couldn't figure it out. Mafia code. And when I ran into him, he mentioned, oh, yeah, I'm putting those in there.

And he's like, I don't want to get stung. I don't blame you. I had no idea. That was the first time I'd heard of it, too. Now, I don't know why this is killing me, but it is. So if anyone knows, text us, 651, 9, 8, 9, 93. What friggin movie had Beekeeper as a preview? How many years ago is this?

Last year? Last year? Yeah, because I saw it at the movie theater, a trailer at a movie theater, too. Jesus, I could have sworn it was like five years ago. The only movie I can remember you've seen in the theater recently, Nick, was a certain wrestling movie that you were not fond of. That was it.

That was it. What was that terrible? Iron claw. Iron claw, awful movie, don't see it. Total garbage. Yes, it was when I was setting and waiting to see stupid Ironclaw that I saw the preview for beekeepers. You're right. Taff-assed morning show.

69. This show sucks. Who are you fart knockers? 93X. I wonder how many of our listeners just straight up can't swim. At all. I mean, they could panic and that's about it. My mom is terrified of swimming. She won't swim?

No, she won't get into the water. Why won't she swim? Because her uncle was in charge of giving her swimming lessons. And so he got her in a canoe, put her in the middle of a lake in Iowa, and threw her out of the canoe when she was a very little girl. That's how some folks do it. She's been terrified ever since. Yeah, that's how some folks do it, usually with their dogs, not with, human beings. So he just dumped her in the water. It freaked her out. And that was it. And she can't get over it.

I think I learned how to be a good swimmer because my brother, well, all of my older brothers would try to drown me all the time. And so it really makes you a stronger swimmer when your life is in danger. Here we go. Vertically challenged Jesus says can't swim, never learned. I would drown. I had one swimming lesson I mentioned before was at Lake Harriet. And speaking of drowning, they thought somebody drowned and they had to put a human chain out there to search for the person. And I thought, well, this is a wonderful first experience. You were freaked out. A little bit.

I mean, I was young enough for the idea of a dead body scared the heck out of me. But that's the only swimming lesson I had. It's just kind of interesting to me. Medical device, Jesus, can't swim at all. He says, I have super dense bones. I sink. I can't even tread water. It's just interesting to me here,

in Minnesota, where so many of us live near a lake or can get to a lake or have a cabin on a lake, you know, we're the land of, you know, a handful of lakes, whatever the number is. It's interesting to me that maybe there are folks out there who just never spent any time around water. We were always at the lake or going fishing or something like that. Medical device, Jesus, I mean, really, if he just laid down in a pool, it would take him three strokes to get to the other side. He's so tall. I'm kind of surprised he can't swim. He's tall. Yeah, you'd think I'd be a better swimmer because of all the time that we spent on or in the lake, but I just never really got terrific at it. Like I said, even to this day,

I'm fairly sure that I could make it to shore. I mean, Lake of the Woods, Malax, one of those ridiculous bodies of water, no. But, you know, you're a normal-sized body of water. I think I think I could make her. Steelers fan, Jesus says he has an irrational fear of bees. When he was young, his dad took him into the woods and threw him into a beehive. What are you? What? Joking.

Oh, okay. I don't know. I've heard terrible stories before. Son, I'm going to teach you not to be afraid of bees. Rock washer, Jesus, can't swim. He would sink like a rock, and he's gone through the ice twice. Oh, that would terrify me. God, dang.

I mean, it would take me a while if you drop me in the middle of the lake. I don't think I'd drown. It would take me a while to get to shore. But falling under the ice, that is a fear of mine for sure. Yeah. Well, there's a difference between falling through it and falling under it. Okay. What's the difference?

Well, falling through it, you're still flopping around in the water. Falling under it, you're under it. Yeah, you're SOL. Have fun trying to find your way out. I'm picturing the same thing. Like the old Metallica song, trapped under it. ice. Oh, I watch some of those videos sometimes because there's people out there

who for some reason like to drill like two holes into a lake and then swim from one hole to the other opening. Oh, God, no. And I just... Oh, that's so terrifying. Mouse and Cheeses, Jesus can't swim. That's really interesting to me. You know, but

I mean, everyone's raised a little bit different. I remember as a very, very young kid going fishing with the old man and he liked to do the right thing. and confuse and terrorize the children. And one of the things he told my brother and I, when we first got in the fishing boat with him,

a little 16-foot lund, 10 horse on the back maybe, he convinced us that if the motor's running, we stay afloat. If the motor quits, we sink. That's good. I didn't need to friggin hear that. I didn't need to hear that. Because as soon as he killed the frigging outboard, I was just scrambling for a,

a way out, you know what I mean? He was good like that. What else is going on around here? Oh, our guests later, Dr. Andrea. Dr. Andrea Johnston from a German Animal Hospital, a professional veterinarian, will be in studio and she'll answer questions that you might have about your pets.

We haven't seen Dr. Andrea in a while. We always have a lot of laughs with her. I was just reading stories of people who do, is it, tarot cards? Is that how you say it? Terror card readings. People who do tarot card readings with their pets. Some folks are a little too dialed in to their pets.

No offense, Ashley. Oh, you're all good. I did think this was pretty fun. I was like, oh, maybe I should learn to read tarot cards. You'd be interested in tarot card readings with your pets. Are you into it for yourself? No, I never really got into it. I've had my, I guess, my card.

read before and I thought it was pretty neat but nothing really past that. Who is this? A gal a listener named Jessica texted in said she learned how to swim as a little girl growing up in Alabama. Tibbs Jesus says he can barely swim. Yeah, a lot of his would be effed out there on the boat. Anyway, back to Dr. Andrea. She'll be here around 8.20 and we will we'll solve some problems out there.

Terro card readings with your pets. I'm not sure what they're doing here. They say it's all about connecting more deeply with your animal companion. I don't know. I don't look at this as something that's very necessary. Yeah, I'm a little confused. I mean, you and your dog aren't going to talk about

the results of the reading at any point. I don't really get what's going on here. But what if you gave them a reading? and it was just like the death cards. It's all so sad and terrible. Well, I mean, there's always a chance that's going to happen. It's a way to tune into your pet's energy. I'm not taking that risk.

And better understand their needs. Oh, I understand her needs. She's pretty clear about it. Yeah. Well, imagine this. You go to a dog trainer and they're like, all right, the first thing we're going to do is a tarot card reading. Would that be the first and only time you go to that dog trainer?

Yes. I'd be concerned, very concerned. We're going to tap into your dog's energy. That's really going to make a difference. Yeah, people are squirrelly like that. Oh, wow. A listener out there by the name of Perry Saturn, Jesus. I've heard of him before.

He holds a high school record in swimming. That's really cool. My wife was a swimmer in high school. Buddy of mine was. He swam, I don't get competitively, after high school, too. After him. Tried out for the Olympics. Didn't make it, but he was very good.

I always heard from parents that that is the like you dread your child choosing swimming as a sport because I heard it's really boring to watch because it's just like back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. I guess I'd have to ask my wife I mean, I don't think her folks came to a lot of her swim meets.

I think in my wife's family, once you hit about 12, you were on your own. You know what I mean? So if you signed up for swimming or basketball or whatever, you know. Oh, you got a game tonight? Cool, good luck. I think that was kind of the vibe. So I don't know if her folks showed up for a lot of it.

I can see how it would be boring. And actually, the friend I was just telling you about the swimmer, he's the guy that came up with the idea for our booze crews. Now that I think about it. Came up with the idea. Yeah, we were over, we were on the Mississippi, and he's like, you guys should do like a big boat cruise through your radio stage. No way.

Yeah, that was, I think about it. He was the guy that came up with it. Well, I'll tell you what. And then you went to the boss and said we should have a boat party? Yeah. Well, F me running. Mark, this is magic playing machinist Jesus. Terrified of moving water.

Okay, he says the main reason why I've never taken an interest in any of your booze cruises is I'm terrified of moving water. Okay. Well, that does make a difference. I mean, the first time I was in the ocean, I regretted it. What did it do to you? Well, it's just with the waves. It just kind of like, okay, I get it. Trying to catch a breath in between going out in there.

I just keeps coming. I felt like I was being waterboarded. Did it turn a player upside down? Oh, man, yeah. Enough. And nobody told me about that. I should have been smart enough to understand. I was 20.

I should have been smart enough to know it on my own. But yeah, I just kept kicking my butt. Some folks in our listing audience are texting in because they want water. One, why you're not Jesus. Back to who can swim, who can't out there. and any other information you might want to give us. Oh, what the hell are you talking about? I was about ready to read a terrible text.

It started off so well. He was talking about his sisters torturing him, told them that they were, they told him that they were mermaids, and then I'm not reading the rest of it. Oh, yeah, that did end differently than one might expect. Yeah, you saw it too, didn't you? All right, what else is going on?

Dr. Andrea will be here, and tomorrow night's the big friggin party. How you doing, Dana? Doing great. How are you guys? A few people are saying, is Dana there this morning? You haven't made a sound yet. We got some behind-the-scenes things I won't bore the people with, but it looks like we're about as sorted as we can possibly be right now. Are you going to make it?

I think so. Oh, Kyle says he was the fastest swimmer. nine months before he was born. Duh! A friend of mine had a great joke. What were you saying earlier about, oh yeah, years ago, there might have been a few babies created on our booze crews, you know, on the spot.

I know for sure of one, and I've, you know, heard rumors of others. You know for sure that one baby out there, well, now, how old would this child be? Oh, 20s at this point. You know for sure it was conceived on our boat party. We had the couple. will let us know. They did. Yep.

And they were together. It wasn't like a, they just met and consummated the relationship on the boat. They were a boyfriend, girlfriend that got a little amorous. A friend of mine knocked it out of the park

at his folks. Boy, I think it was their 50th wedding anniversary. The big party for his folks on their 50th wedding anniversary. And my pal, the oldest of this couple's children, got up

to speak in front of the crowd, you know, big party. And the true story is his folks met at a house party, I think right here at the University of Minnesota, 50 some years ago. His folks met at a house party. They had a one-night stand, and they're still together to this day. That's beautiful. Well, I guess I shouldn't call it a one-night stand because it went on for years. What do you want to call that?

It meant to be a one-night stand. It was a, you met them and you banged them, whatever that is. And so my pal was up there. He tells the crowd this story. He says, you know, if you don't know, my folks met at a house party, University of Minnesota, 51 years ago or whatever. And I was the result of that party. And it's a true story.

He was. And so he wrapped up the story by saying, I have the, I'm in the unique position. Or I can't remember how he set it up. or something along the lines of, I came to the party with my dad and I left with my mom. I thought that was a good line. Just a random hookup is what I'm going for.

It was a random hookup that now, still, after 50 friggin' years, man, there must not have been a lot to choose from back then at the U of M. I don't know. Random hookup that's still a thing now 50 years ago. Wow, that's incredible. Mm-hmm. All right. Minnesota Moses knows a thing or two about swim meets.

We were saying, Ashley, I think were you the one that said? A lot of parents don't want their kids to get into swimming because it's kind of boring to watch. Yep. Sure. Minnesota Moses says that swim meats are hot and loud. Oh, I bet it's so hot.

Hot in there. That's the thing I remember going to swim meets is just the heat in there, and you're sitting up in that little box type thing. Just nasty up there. I don't know. What's the box type thing? Like the viewing deck. type situation. Oh, well, at our school, we just had just a four or five rows of rusty bleachers.

Oh, you just stood poolside? Yeah, pool side. Okay. They elevated you at this school. Yeah, they law observation deck. Yeah. Oh, yeah, the swimming pool was always just, well, the swimming pool was kind of like the weather we had last weekend. You walk in, it's just soaking wet and hotter in hell. The 93x half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency,

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