93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): Fat & Sassy

Episode Date: July 18, 2026

The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93x.

Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Morning Show. Ninety-three. A hell of a deal this is. It's the God-Forsaken Wednesday edition of the 93-X-Hafast Morning Show. Thanks to everybody for joining us. What's going on, Josh? Oh, I'm just fat and sassy, as my aunt used to say.

Whenever you'd ask her how she was doing, that was the answer. Oh, man. She was not fat, but she was very sassy, this aunt of mine. She sounds like a real character. She was a card. I'll tell you what. An absolute card. You know, we don't shower much around here, but I was just looking at something.

The folks over there at the WWE are now selling bars of soap. They've got a bar of soap called the Stone Cold Stunner. It's a black bar of soap that'll make you smell like whoopass. And there's a flavor called Ray Mysterio Magic, where you come out the shower smelling like you're from Area Code 619. That's fantastic. You had any interest in stuffing, some stockings this year, Josh, with some W.W.E. soap. Already bought some.

What? Awesome. I had some W.W.E. Cologne back in middle school and they marketed that for a while. Was it after a particular wrestler? No, it was just like a WWF ran to Cologne. It was back when it was WWF at the time. This was like 1998, I want to say. Did it have a funny slogan or anything?

No, not really. It was just standard Cologne. Like there's nothing like because when I order it. it from the shop zone back in the day. My friends were like, is it going to smell like sweat? Is it going to smell like a wrestler? But just general clone. Like if you want to pile drive your significant other.

Yeah, no, no. They didn't do anything cute like that, which was kind of surprising. That's so WWF for WWB. Right, yeah. And it was in the midst of the attitude era where they couldn't do anything unless it was some type of sexual pun, you know. No woman will be able to kick out from her. obsession with you if you wear WWF cologne.

Kiss and the WWE. If it's a thing, they've tried to sell it. For a while, you were buying. Oh, yeah. I remember I had like an inflatable stone cold Steve Austin, like rock'em-sock him thing. You could punch it and it would pop back up, you know? Did you ever have those pillows?

Oh, yeah, wrestling buddies? Heck yeah. I had a Hulk Hogan and an Ultimate Warrior. I remember those commercials. Uh-huh. Yeah, I'll tell you what. Who the hell uses bar soap anymore? I haven't since I was a kid.

It would be the family bar of Bargain Brand Irish Spring. Yeah. Dad on Downs using that thing. It was disgusting. It's covered in gross things. Yeah, I remember those days. We had the family bar of soap. Didn't you get soap shamed not too long ago?

Soap shame. I think you were talking about body wash. And you got a text from somebody that was. calling you out saying men use bars as soap? Yeah. It was like a couple weeks ago. Yeah, you're right. I forgot all about that because it was such a weak attempt to bust my balls.

Yeah, just dry out your skin. Why not? Yeah, you're right about that. Some tough guy wanted to make that stance that real men use bar soap. Don't care, really. Yeah, I mean, I'd imagine. like, especially when you're talking about, you know, the commune I lived in, we're talking aunts and uncles and grandmas and cousins, brother, sister.

Everybody was rubbing that family bar of soap on their privates. Yeah, it was butt cracks in privates. Oh, yeah, they went deep. It's pub central. I've never thought of that. It's the truth. I mean, it never dawned on me until I was a much older person. Yeah.

Yeah, we never had our own bars of soap or anything. It was just the family bar. No, right. Exactly. I mean, I could have very easily had. my own bar of soap and just put it in a little Ziploc bag until it was my turn to shower again. But no, I'm going to rub that same Adam, whatever. You know, not anything that I find too terribly disgusting.

It is kind of interesting, though. You lived. Yeah. Yeah, that we all just kind of gang banged the same bar of soap. I mean, I wouldn't mind if I went back to bar or soap. have it. Fine. It's just interesting that here we are in the year of 20 and 25, and the WWE is trying to sell bar soap again. Oh, wow. Yeah, I don't know if that would be allowed in my house. My wife is kind of, I think, getting increasingly concerned about how emotional I'm

getting over John Cena retiring. So she wouldn't let you get that soap. Yeah, maybe like I'm trying to like to limit the wrestling things from the house right now. You've got a hole, right in the middle of that soap. You see, I'm so out of touch. I'm ashamed of myself that it's been years since I watched any form of television wrestling. So what's happening? So John Cena's final match is going to be

almost a month from today, December 13th. So you're really buying that this is... Yeah, is it actually going to be? I don't know, but I'm just allowing myself to just believe and be a kid again. and watch it and just enjoy the hell out of it. You're really that big of a fan, huh? I am, yeah.

I don't know if maybe I'm just feeling my age or something, but I've really dialed into this whole senior retirement tour. All right. That's adorable. Yeah, I'm just having fun with it. And my wife is a little concerned. So it's that you do get that emotional. Oh, yeah.

I cried on Monday night, Josh. Did you really? Yeah, I did. So it was his final appearance in his hometown in Boston, and he beat Dom Mysterio for the, Intercontinental title to become a Grand Slam champion, meaning he's won every belt you could possibly win. So when your wife, she just kind of, she sweeps the Legos off the couch, she takes the Vin Diesel

pillow off the couch to sit next to you. That's when she gets concerned. Exactly. It might be a combination of things you're right, Josh, but I think this especially because she didn't grow up with wrestling, she didn't never watch in her life, and she can't really wrap her head around why I'm so emotional over this. So even with her brothers and she's got, what, three dads? Yeah, no, they never, none of them were into it.

Never really watched it. She said, she goes, it might have been on in passing, you know, like they might have watched it themselves, but I was never included and never took any interest in it. Well, there you go. I didn't know you were such a fan. Yeah. I mean, I knew you were a wrestling fan. I didn't know you were that into John Cena. You know, he's certainly one of the biggest stars that company.

he's ever seen. But outside of his hip-hop, don't tell me, there's a term there. He was the, I'll go ahead and tell me. The doctor of thuganomics? Was he a professor? Professor of Thuganomics. I'm sorry, I thought he had a doctorate. Outside of his professor of Thuganomics character, which was early in his career,

it just never really grabbed me. But we're from different generations, right? Oh, yeah, big time. I'm more of a Rick Flair, Brett Hart, you know, 70s and 80s guys. You're a little younger, so. I was totally unaware that he was closing in on a final final. Yes, Ashley. The only connection that I have to John Cena is that he's given me one of my signature dance moves.

And that's the you can't see me. That's a day. Oh, you do that one? Yeah, that's, yeah, I mix that into my little dance routine. So it's simply the arm waving in front of the face. There isn't anything else that goes into the dance? No, there's just some things that I do before it. Like, I like to paw the corners,

and that usually leads to the sprinkler, and then I hit them with the you can't see me. Can I ask you something real quick? Are you a 50-year-old suburban dad? Yeah. That's pretty much the dance you've just described. That's how I describe my dancing ability to people. Like I actually usually say a middle-aged divorced dad.

Well, that adds to it. it. That's cute. I would love to see that sometime. Ashley throwing the... I guess there's got to be video somewhere, right? I'm sure there is. Somebody in your group of friends. Medical device Jesus brings up a good point. Dana, when your wife and you communicate, does she have to do it via the X app on your switch too? Or are you able to talk to her in person? We talk in person, surprisingly enough. Yeah, I mean, you're not alone. You know, significant others, as much as they enjoy about each other, there's plenty of things that I do that my wife doesn't even begin to understand.

You got to have your own things. Plenty of things that I'm passionate about. I mean, for example, last night I went downstairs to watch the television all by myself. And when I came upstairs for bed, she asked me, well, what were you doing down there? I said, well, I tried to watch the hockey game, but I couldn't find it on television. She said, well, what did you watch then? And I said, ooh, I watched a few old episodes of the Twilight Zone. And she just, you know?

Oh, she didn't like the Twilight Zone? Oh, hell no. I thought everybody like the, of our age, like the original Twilight Zone. She thinks it's just the stupidest thing in the world that I watch. Basically, all of my television intake is programs from the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Oh, so it's more about that than necessarily the Twilight Zone. Yes, yes. Because your wife seems like she's really dialed into some of the new stuff.

She does. She shows all the streaming services and all that. She watches new programming. I watch old programming. I don't know word one about current series, current, any damn thing for that matter. So she just rolled her eyes again that I would sit downstairs for two hours by myself and watch a 1959 episode of the Twilight Zone. It is what it is what it is. All right.

So back to bar soap. Yes. We are being shamed for not using it. Don't care. Saying, I'm not a little girl. I use a bar soap. I didn't know that was like a manly thing or whatever. Right.

I mean, you can get a bottle of the juicy stuff for 99 cents. Cheapen lasts for a long time. Yeah. Always late, but worth the weight, Jesus said, my 17-year-old son has three bars of soap. One for balls, one for the butt, and one for the body. So he splits it up. No, that's just too much going on in the shower.

Yeah, I always use just one for. for everything. I don't like bars of soap because when you put them on the little shelf in the shower they just make it all gross and icky. It stresses me out. Three separate bars of soap.

He's that afraid of his own ass and genitalia? Must be gross in that area. I don't know. He's very hygienic. How old did you say he was? 17. Yeah, it's gross. That must be some kind of a phobia

or something. Anyway, yeah, hard-ons. If today, liquefied soap or whatever you call it body wash, if today there was a ban on it and it was never allowed again, I'd be fine with that going off and buying a bucket of barred soap. It's not like you're overly passionate about body wash. And I pretty much truthfully just use whatever my wife buys.

And it's not like she's buying boozy stuff. I think it's like after tax it's like $1.7 a bucket for what she gets fancy stuff. I just get whatever the Target brand is. My wife came home today with a big suitcase full of barred soap and said, this is what we're using. I'd say, okay, it's soap. Who gives a rat's ass? You really, you want to make this into a dong measuring contest? What kind of soap people are using?

How insecure are you? That is pretty good. I'm not leading a parade for liquefied soap down the street. That's what's in the bathroom I'll use it. Standing outside target protest. Can you imagine if that was really? a thing? Yeah. All right, Doc, I'd like to transition into a woman. Where do

I start? Do you got any bar soap yet? Ditch it. You got to get the bottled soap in there. How stupid. Smoking meats and clapping cheeks, Jesus said, you just wash off the bar when you're done with it. So you need some soap to wash off the soap afterwards. Yeah, I don't

get some soap soap. I never thought, that's another thing. Once I dipped that thing in parts of my body when I was a kid using the barred soap, you know, the family bar like we were discussing. Once I dipped that thing into disgusting

areas of my body, I never thought to rinse it off for the next person. I don't know. I never did when you're a kid. I mean, we both have said this. Our parents, neither one of our parents ever gave us any grooming advice whatsoever. None. I mean, maybe when we were very first bathing, I don't remember those lessons.

But outside of that, there was never anything. I didn't, no. I mean... Our folks never showed us how to do anything. Your first wife taught me how to shave. Right. That's the true story. I mean, I was doing it wrong until I heard through Nick how she taught him how to shave. Right.

That's amazing. Give us a break. We were raised by Neanderthals. There was too many people in the house to remember everyone. Oh, here we go. We were just talking about this a few days ago. Gatekeeping soap. What are you some kind of bitch?

you use body wash Melvin the mop boy Jesus said Do you use a washcloth? No, I've never used a washcloth I was taught that or told that by somebody in college We were kind of having the same discussion Where you take a bar of soap You run it all through yourself

And then you just put it back for the next person And said you're supposed to bring a washcloth in And lather up the washcloth And then use that to wipe down your dirty parts Yeah, I was taught to do that When I was younger This person says, just use lava soap in the shower Like a real man

That's a man soap right there. I love that stuff. Don't even get in the shower. The showers are cowards. Go inside with the hose and spray yourself down. All it is basically is a wet piece of sandpaper. Steel wool and cold water. That's what I do, because I'm a real man.

I use steel wool, some rubbing alcohol, cold water, and I dry myself off with my hunting dog. I'm a real man. I just use a flame thorn. thrower to get the dirt right off of me. Yeah. Some gunpowder. And then I jump into a pool of rubbing alcohol. Right.

Local 34 Jesus said, wash the soap off. Well, how am I supposed to enjoy the pile of pubs my dad left in the shower before me? Yeah, I understand. Those bars of soap can certainly, they can hold on to a pub or two, that's for sure. What were we doing? What a bunch of animals? We were animals. Can I tell my shower drain story?

again bathtub drain story again I don't think I remember that oh it was one of the greatest moments of my life when I was about 16 or so and the old man says got to come down in the basement with me we got to unclog the bathtub drain oh god kind of hung you know it hung down from the upper level so we removed this portion of the ceiling and there's the, you know, U-shaped bathtub drain. And there was a clog, and so we're going to pull it loose and unclog it.

And I was kind of standing right next to the old man, and he's staring straight up at the ceiling, and he's got the big old pipe wrench in his hand, and he's trying to loosen that sum bitch, and it hadn't been loosened since the house was built in 1946. you know, and he's trying to... And he finally busted that nut, I guess. No, no, pun intended.

And the pipe came loose and 40 years, maybe more like 30, 30 years of hell that was clogged in that drain, fell perfectly splashed perfectly down onto his face it was jet black it was thick like

like pudding and just smoothed down onto his face the smell was second to none and I mean I had to take a knee I'm laughing so hard.

And he removed his glasses. And so, of course, the two circles around his eyes from where his glasses used to be were the only sign that he was a human being. That's so gross. It had just, it had engulfed his entire skull. Oh, it's like a movie. This black pudding mask. Oh, God. It was so bad.

I sure hope he used bar soap to wipe that off. Otherwise, your dad's not a real man. That's right. Have you ever seen that sludge anybody other than Nick? No. Oh, man. We had a plumber over and he was fixing some other stuff and one of the drains was clogged. And no matter what I did, I couldn't get it to work.

And I really didn't want to take it apart. I figured I'd screw it up. And so he did and he reached down the pipe and the stuff he just with his bare hands, he pulled this stuff out. I thought I was going to barf. And I was really embarrassed. And he said, no, no, this has probably been here forever. This has been so long.

but I thought, man, we're disgusting and I had no idea we were that gross. Dude, it was beautiful. By the way, the latest trend is showering in the dark. Yeah, I don't fully understand. Oh. I mean, I rarely turn lights on. Right. But I don't shower in the dark.

I've done that. It sounds like a good way to crack a rib. Showering in the dark. But do you like candles or something, Ashley? I have before, but, you? I've just, like, showered in the dark before. I don't know why. When I was younger, I think I was trying to be, like, dramatic.

Dramatic? Yeah. Huh. What do you mean by that? I don't understand. Oh, like, oh, it's a tough day. I'm so sad. I'm going to go shower in the dark.

I was a weird kid. Well, you know, it's all about, how do they put this? A sensory change, right? And it's specifically before you go to bed. Yes. You shower before you go to bed in the dark, and it's supposed to prepare your body for sleep and all that fancy, schmancy stuff.

Sorry, the gas is starting to set in. I do find the bright, bright lights of the bathroom to be more obnoxious as I get older. So now when I go into the bathroom, for any reason, I just hit the tiny little nightlight. Yeah, I love doing that. I don't ever turn on the full-on. Oh, my God, it's just my...

It's too much. Yeah, I don't even know if ours works. Am I going under the knife for surgery? Why do the lights have to be so breath? The only time I ever turn on a ceiling light is just in the shower. We've got like a single light above our shower. Yeah, that's the new trend. Wellness trend.

Oh, I'm dialed into that stuff big time. God, am I tired of people telling us what's going to kill us and how to live forever? Well, the hard part is is it changes all the time, right? Yeah. Yeah. This is the new... Quite dramatically, too. Like, oh, eggs, they're great for you.

Oh, no, no, they're going to kill you. Right. Coffee. It seems like those are the two ones that come up quite a bit. I'm just going to keep doing whatever I'm doing. And I feel like I have the worst stomach issues when I try to go on like a little... I'm like, hey, I'm going to have a salad for dinner tonight instead, you know? And then I feel like that's when I get like the really, really bad stomach as opposed to just my normal wings and pizza type of routine.

Yeah, the only time I've ever had food poisoning is when I've eaten healthy. Yeah, it's vegetables that have got. got me too. Dirty. This is all similar to what you've heard before. I'm sure you've heard before that, you know, if you want to get some good sleep, they recommend you dim the lights down to almost nothing the last hour or so that you're awake. It's supposed to prepare your body for sleep.

So this is the same gimmick. They're saying jump into the shower in complete darkness before you go to bed and your body will this, that, this, that, and this that. Do you guys get excited when houses or rooms in a house have, like, those little dimmer lights? I always get excited like a little kid. Like, oh, look at this. You got a dimmer here. It's certainly fancy, in my opinion, because we never had dimmer switches.

We just had. We had the push buttons. It was either brighter than the sun. You know what I mean? When you flip the switch in my house growing up, it was brighter than the sun, and you flipped it off. You couldn't see Dick Tracy. Do you know what I'm talking about the push buttons? Like the old knob and tubes, so you have like a top button and a bottom button to turn them off?

I think so. That's what we had going on. Well, you just had those big fat light switches where you could hear from across town. Clunk when you'd turn it on. Car burp when you'd turn it off. Big fat switches. I think when me and my husband were looking for a house to live in, that was like an important part of our house search, even though you could easily, you know, put in dimmer lights.

I did on all mine. Oh, that's impressive. Anytime we see a house, we're like, oh, this one has dimmer lights. That's awesome. Let's get this one. It's fancy. I think of it as fancy. Showering in the dark, look out, old timers.

You're headed for the emergency room if you shower in the dark. You can slip on a bar of soap in there. Somebody said we should get light up shower heads. I didn't know that was a thing. That's awesome. I don't want to even begin to entertain that. That sounds like a lot of work. A light up shower head.

How am I running electricity into the same water? and electricity mixing, Josh. Battery powered, I'd imagine. Battery powered. You can change the color on them, too. Have like a rainbow going on. Battery operated items are for bitches and cissies. Don't you know that you're not

going just a bare, dangerous-looking electrical cord? You're nothing but a bitch. Yeah, one old just there's not even any there's no rubber on the outside. It's just a bare wire. It's a swinging light bulb

from a broken ceiling with exposed wires. That's the only way to do it if you want to be a man. Dimmer switches and battery-powered this or that. Yeah, if I ever see one of those in there, it's battery-powered, I'm going to ask if any men shower in there because it sure doesn't look like it. This must be a woman's only shower. All right, we ought to get going again.

On this beautiful Wednesday, we appreciate you joining us. Oh, you know, a little bit later on, Randy Schaver will join us. Our next move, I think, will be towards the stupid. Oh, the clapper is where it's at, people they're telling me. Oh, I just wanted one of those. Yeah, do those actually work? Yes, they do. They do?

My dad had a, I don't, obviously my family is like every other family where the mom buys all the Christmas presents. But there was one year where my dad got really into the clapper and got, like, everybody in our family, an extended family, a clapper for Christmas. When your parents were having sex where the lights going on and off. Ah, stop it. Actually, I just got, my husband just bought us a bed frame. He loves anything with lights. It's adorable.

He's like a little kid with that kind of stuff. Little Christmas lights type thing? No, like the little strip of lights and you can change the color. Yeah, yeah, I got one of those in the basement. In this bed frame, it has a setting where it, uh, sorry, excuse me, the lights change with sound. Oh. And I'm like, all right.

So he's really excited when the baby moves over to its bedroom. He's really excited to give that a go. He wants to change the lighting in the room with his calls of passion. Yeah. Yeah, the clapper's been around for decades. I never saw it. You have never seen one in person. I haven't either.

It was always a joke, right? The song, the commercials. But I did want one. one of those. How cool would that be? Yeah. Oh, you bastards. All right. We'll take a break. We'll come back with that stupid news, I think is what we call it. Stupid News in a few minutes.

Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust standard heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about. And if you've never tried them before, now's

the time. Get $75 off your first service or tune-up. And while you're at it, mention 93X. Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bealki Law today.

763-571-2410 or go to Bealkei. law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-K-L-A-L-L-L-A-L-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-E-L-V-V. Jim Rome takes on sports. I will always have a complicated relationship with this game, but people evolve. So do sports. Do not make me regret this. Do not make me devolve. Back to that guy that so many clones wish that I still was. And do not embarrass the entire country. Now, I can go back. I can get there fast.

Lose tonight. And you've got a real problem. Do not blow it. The Jim Rome Show podcast. You've been warned. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Guaranteed cash off.

Are you guys jamming out to that Chris Lindahl? I missed it. Yeah, that was good. We'll put that in high rotation. I missed it. There was a catchy little Chris Lindahl ad? Yeah, I hadn't heard that one before. Helping, Josh.

in love well that's your bro that well he's the sponsor of the Chris Lindahl studios didn't you know oh he ought to come in here and clean this join up yeah I know these are his studio we got to ask for more money I think get your ass in here Lindahl and get a vacuum going these things they're disgusting and bring in like a screwdriver maybe maybe some new equipment air freshener all right what's going on? Stupid news, huh? Before we scissors with the stupid news, you mind if I, if I throw out a random thought, this was texted in by a listener, just a random thought. And it goes like this. Isn't it funny how in porno movies, every time a lady pulls a dude's

pants and underwear is down, she acts like she's never seen a Johnson before? That's a good point. Yeah. Is it like, whoa, that's so big and impressive. Is that what they're talking about? No, no, it's sure you might run into one of those now and again in a porno movie, but it's just this reaction. When they pull the guys Rodney out of his, the gal usually goes, oh.

Like she wasn't expecting that to be there. Right, right. That's what you see nine times out of ten, Cubby. Huh. Yeah, they do. They act as if we appreciate it. We appreciate the random thought. That's, yeah, I think he's right.

My reaction just now was kind of what I've heard over the years when I've exposed my penis to somebody, consensually, to be specific, I hear, huh, that's about what I get out of that. You call that a penis? Yeah, I've heard that before. All right. Here we go with our first stupid news report for the week. I was always taught that you don't talk politics or religion at your nation.

neighborhood bar. Good advice. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Now I guess I should add chickens to that list. You don't talk chickens either down there in the extreme southeastern part of the United States. Total garbage. A derelict walked into a bar and got into a heated argument about chickens. And then, of course, because of the way we. are. Nowadays, he grabbed a gun and opened fire looking to kill everyone within a five-mile radius.

Totally reasonable. Right. A dude walked into a bar and got into a loud, heated argument about chickens. Here's the story with this puke barrel. Cops in town, what do they call the town? Port St. Lucie. Cops in Port St. Lucy say that a 44-year-old by the name of Peter Riera was hanging outside a bar called Harper's Pub. Riera got into an argument with three people outside the bar. You see, Riera raises chickens. And the argument that caught loose between Riera and these three other people, the argument was about how many eggs a chicken can push out its ass.

I would probably trust the word of a person that raises chickens. I would assume they'd know much more than I would on it. I did look it up on how many eggs a chicken can lay. How many? Now, if you've got a high production breed, like a white leghorn, you're talking 250 to 320 eggs per year or EPYs. Whoa. If you just got your traditional or heritage brand,

you're looking at about 150 to 200 eggs per year or EPYs. Man's belly can't hold that many eggs. What movie? 651-989-933-93. Cool hand, Luke? That's right. Oh, well, darn. You were supposed to let people texting.

I know. I was just proud of myself for once, Josh, that I knew one of those. I couldn't resist. Yeah, that's like a pretty famous scene right there. My boy, Luke, he a whirl-shaker. That's George Kennedy's character in the movie. Anyway, this Peter Riera guy, He raises chickens, and he got into an argument with three other people about how many

eggs a chicken can press out of its ass. This Riera guy is obviously stupid and completely insane because the chicken ass argument led him to yank out a handgun and fire four shots at the three people who dared disagree with him on the abilities of a chicken's ass. The local cop said that nobody was injured. They also said that everyone involved was drunk. What? Yes, drunk.

That's true. Sober people usually don't care to argue about stuff. No, you kind of sit, well, you least don't get guns involved. You sit down at a table, you have a polite conversation. Stupid idiot, Riera was arrested. Two of the people he shot at also turned out to be idiots, while the cops were questioning them, they got all uppity too and got arrested. You're being questioned by the police

about being shot at, and you can't keep your mouth in line? So two people that he shot at got arrested just for being dicks to the cops. Do you f*** chickens? Why would you ask me something like that? So all in all, it sounds like there were some real cutie pies hanging out at Harper's Pub

on that particular evening. I looked at him a little crazy. I was like, what? And he walked away. Next thing I see, he has a gun in his hand. He cocked it back, and that's where everything just went wild. Did you see him hide? Did you watch the video at all? No.

It's kind of funny. He's like hiding behind. I don't know what it was a big mailbox or something like that. He's dressed like a farmer. He went, he ran away, and he was hiding behind a mailbox. He was like a mailbox or something. And I should say he was dressed like a person impersonating a farmer is kind of what it looked like. This guy, he looked like the type of dude that might be involved in a situation.

like this. I missed the video. Did y'all see the size of that chicken? What movie is a question asked by CFH-based player? Jesus, the obvious answer. It's not a movie. It's a documentary. It's called Young Guns. I'm going to put you in touch right now. Relax. Of course. Okay. Thank you guys so much for showing up. Did you call? Yes. Okay, so is you. This mom called. He sounds exhausted. Yes, I did. My mom did. Who was that? That was the bad guy? That's the chicken effort. And why did he claim that is...

Is that a true story that his mother called the police? That's what he's saying. Never mentioned his mom was anywhere near. Maybe he called mom and said, Mom, I screwed up. I really done it this time, Ma. Oh, that guy's cute. Do you see the size of that cock a goddamn doodle dude? All right.

we going next with this cubby oh uh tell me what tell me what might cross your mind if you found something like this on your property i believe this happened in rhode island or connecticut it doesn't matter last week a dude woke up one morning and found a severed doughhead on his damn doorstep yeah i would certainly assume that was intentional that's very honest I would question the motivation. If it was me, I might think that I've angered some kind of blaze orange and camouflage mafia that I was unaware of. Or maybe a cult that worshipped Ted Nugent was looking to initiate me or something like that. Yeah, I mentioned I was raking underneath like a bush or whatever, and I pulled out a giant bunny head.

And I thought, oh my gosh, we live in a neighborhood with devil worship. And I brought it up on air asking folks, why would there be a giant just bunny head in our yard? And people said, do you have owls? Yeah. Which we do. We have two big owls. And they're really kind of pains in the butt. They're always yelling at each other.

That's cool. And so they decapitated this poor giant bunny. Yeah, they'd be doing that. They like to eat the brains. Is that right? Yep. Well, the head was like intact where it so much. At first I thought it was a stuffed animal.

Yeah, I wonder if they dropped it on accident and could not find it because it was in the bush. But yeah, my parents have found just the body in their front lawn. Oh, man. I find like hindquarters of squirrels and bunnies quite a bit in our yard. It's a war zone. Yeah, you're in trouble if you're a bunny or a squirrel. He'll get you. Dude found a severed doe head on his doorstep, and he got a little nervous.

Apparently, he's a big bow hunter, and he thought that maybe an anti-bow hunting group was sending him a message. He thought that this was some kind of a threat. Is that a known thing? Anti-bo-hunter groups? I don't know. Anti-everything. Yeah, anti-hunting, I guess.

I have never heard of an anti-bow hunting group, but if it's a thing, then there's somebody out there who's against it. We all know that. The local police took a close look at the decapitated dough melon, and they said they think that a coyote or two or three had killed that dough, and then one of the yotes had randomly dropped the head outside the feller's house. Marks on the dough were consistent with being ripped or torn by an animal, not cut by a person. Oh, gosh, that must just be horrific to walk out to.

There's been lots and lots of killer coyote activity in that neighborhood. don't you know. So, you know, the dude got over it. You know, it's kind of weird that nowadays you just expect most people have doorbell cameras that would capture something like that. I know other neighbors released some camera footage from theirs, and it showed the coyotes and stuff running around. Yeah, a lot of folks do have the doorbell cams,

maybe not in the middle of nowhere in Connecticut. So I had a buddy who had horses, and he hated them. But that doesn't matter. There are a lot of work. They were a lot of work. They were kind of left to him. He inherited the horses. Next thing you know, you own horses.

Right, right, right, right. Wasn't crazy about it. But anyway, that doesn't matter. It doesn't really factor into the story, whether he loved or hated. But, you know, a couple of those horses often died. And he would take the horse carcass and bury

them in a swamp on his property. But I always wanted to use, and this is a deep regret of mine. I always wanted to use one of the dead horses as a prank, and we never got around to it. One of them died,

and it's just laying there. And we were going to take that dead horse and prop it up against a buddy's front door. The whole horse? Yes, the whole horse. We were going to. We're going to trailer the horse.

Those are heavy. Well, when we get seven, eight guys and we get a trailer, we'd get it done. We have the one of our pals lives alone, and he never leaves the house. He's just an odd duck who just sits in his house all day long and wishes that his life would have turned out to be something, but it didn't. He just sits there all day long. So we thought he'd be the perfect victim, you know, just because he just sits there and stares at the walls all day, wondering what's happened to his life.

We thought he'd be the perfect victim to just take this huge dead horse and just slap it up against his front door. And then the next morning he wakes up to leave for work. And he would have absolutely no idea what it meant or where it came from. I promise you he wouldn't suspect any. We never got around to it, though. That would be genuinely terrifying. Yeah. And what a pain that.

Well, I guess I'm using the back door from now on. That's just such an inconvenient. I'll never leave through the front door again. Do I deal with us now? Do I deal with it after work? Who do I call? We talked about it. We planned it.

You know, we had a plan in place. Who do you call for that? But we just never got around to it, and it's a deep regret of mine. Because, again, our potential victim would have had zero idea where it came from or what it meant. All right. I would appreciate the humor, but at the same time, what do I just cut this thing up? 911, there's a horse on my front step?

That's a you problem, man. Do you think if I put it on Facebook Marketplace, somebody might want it? You just put a free sign on it? In your neighborhood app. Here's a listener whose father-in-law has miniature horses, so that would be half the work. I'm going to keep your phone number.

dude. Because this guy still lives alone and just sits there in the house all day and stares at the walls. He's the perfect victim. He's got a new horse buddy. All right. Oh, what does this say? A listener texted in to say we did that with a dead deer. We pulled that prank on a friend in high school.

Oh, but he said we leaned it up against the garage door so when their parents left for work, the dead deer fell into the garage. Just, you see what? what I'm saying? The dead deer. I would be so confused. Yeah, that's why the bit is so brilliant. I don't think I'd be angry. I would just be distraught.

Yeah. Just distraught. You're talking me into it more and more. That's exactly what we're going for. Fear, confusion. Yeah, I kind of want in on this now. Yeah, oh, do you really? We can use a hand.

Like you said, those are big animals. This is frigging ridiculous right here. How about a burglar hiding within the walls of a business in Illinois? That's where we're headed next. Sort of like my boy Bad Ronald. If you're a longtime listener, you may remember me going on and on about one of my favorite all-time movies, a movie called Bad Ronald. Ronald is a kid who gets in trouble and his mother hides him in the walls of their home so the police won't find. find him. And then one day his mother ups and dies, and Ronald continues to live within the walls

of that house even after a new family moves in. And he falls in love with the young daughter of that family. And he watches her through the walls, and he falls in love. That's Bad Ronald, 1974. I've seen some scary movies with that plot line and that messes with me. You got to watch Bad Ronald. So in Illinois, a female burglar was doing her best bad Ronald imitation. She goes by the name of Cali or something stupid. She's only 26. I'm guessing she's got to be smoking meth rocks or something to go ahead with a caper like this. Looks like it.

I'm not sure what kind of business we're dealing with either. But the business owner, this is how it all started. the business owner could hear mysterious whispering a coming from behind the walls. Wouldn't you assume you were going insane? He did. The poor bastard thought he had lost his F in mind. That's what I think most people would think. He's hearing little whispery voices in the walls.

All right, I got to quit drinking. This is crazy. Why is she talking to herself? I'm telling secrets to myself. Eventually he called the police. And he told the police, I'm hearing voices. in the walls. But he told the cops, he said,

the voices stopped as soon as I called you. The cops did a lap around the guy's business. They didn't hear Dick. They told the business owner guy, hey, no offense, brother, but you may have gone nuts. We don't hear anything.

After a short time, a couple three days later, dude started hearing voices again. A couple days? Something like that. He called the police back over there. This time, the cops fingered it out. There were live human beings moving around and whispering back and forth inside the effing walls of the building,

including this Cali lady that I told you about. The fire department had to be called in to drag all the low-life derelicks out the walls. two of them ran like hell. This callie gal she was arrested, and you might want to get a look at her mugshot. Her face is filthy. This is awesome. Yeah, this is on 93X.com.

Isn't it great, too, that nobody just said, here's a washcloth or a paper towel or something? No, we got to capture this. Her fake eyelashes are falling off. Those are on point, or wait, on fleek. What do you say about eyelashes? On fleak, on flea. Yeah, Josh, I think when the cops,

when they stumble upon someone looking that stupid, they make sure, oh, don't change a thing. Let's take. Yeah, we want this to go, quote, viral. Yeah, let's take this mug shot as soon as we can before you change a thing. This gal looks like she slid into home plate on her stupid face.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Life ain't pretty when you're living in the walls. If this was a Scooby-Doo episode, she'd line up to a poster or a painting on her eyes looking back and forth. That always freaked me out as a kid. What was that now? In Scooby-Doo? Somebody would be in the walls and they put their eyes right where the eye holes were in those paintings. And they're always looking left to right.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So stupid ass has been arrested. This arrest comes just three days. after she was arrested for driving around town without a driver's license. She's a little less dirty in that mugshot photo. So I think there's a couple of mugshot photos for this Caligal. One looking normal, one looking absolutely terrible. The two other geniuses who were living in the walls are still on the run.

Living in the walls, man. It's creepy. It's tough life. Just shuffling. inch by inch to the right or left. I don't know what the hell they were doing when they had, you know, when the business owner wasn't there, what were they doing?

Did they have a way to get, they must have had a way to get out. But then again, when they got caught, the fire department had to get them out. So did they hide in the walls and just got stuck there? I don't know. You like this one, don't you, Josh? I mean, not the subject matter, but the pun factor involved.

Yeah, and that's about all. you can like about this. A man named pancake battered his father. That's the gist. Right. Pancake battered. That's how puns work. Cute.

Yeah. Just for fun, I'll go ahead anyway. A 38-year-old moron legitimately named Eric Pancake. Never met a pancake. No. Kind of surprised you don't have a buddy named Pancake, Nick. Is a nickname? Yeah.

Or flapjack or something? We have a, oh, we used, I used to know someone named Meat Flaps. Oh, no. Didn't you date Meat Flaps? I don't know if that's what you want to call it. I remember Meat Flaps. Didn't seem like a meat flaps, I got to say. So unfortunate.

38-year-old guy legitimately named Eric Pancake. He beat the piss out of his 72-year-old dad a night or two ago. Oh, my damn. He curbstomped the patriarch of the Pancake family. While his stepmom helplessly watched the pancake battering. Eric Pancake lives with his dad and stepmom and he's 38 years old, which doesn't surprise me. Eric Pancake looks like a lazy, shiftless loser who can't make it on his own. When the police rolled up, Eric Pancake's dad, old man pancake, he looked like effing Rocky Bell

Moa at the ass end of Rocky 2. Eric Pancake tuned up his dad real good. Eric Pancake was intoxicated and belligerent, they say. When the cops asked him why he stomped a mud hole in his own father and then walked it dry, Eric Pancake told the cops that he wished to, quote, plead the fifth. I've seen it in movies. What a divag. I know I can do it.

That's exactly it. I think he fell back on a movie he watched. I plead the fifth, he says. All right, buddy. Just out of curiosity, why don't you tell us the fourth? Yeah. You're so aware of all the amendment. Right.

Eric, by God, pancake has been charged with battery on a victim over the age of 65, which is a felony. You can't be tuning up the old folks like we did back in the day. No, no, he'll get you. Back when I was a kid, you could grab an old man by the shirt collar and just beat the living hell out of them. No one said nothing. Now, it's a felony now. I got beat up by a probably 80-something-year-old. A reverse.

Yeah. It was a reverse gender, not gender, age gap beating. Yeah, he got me, and he got me good. I love this story of the old man beating the piss out of him. I was an innocent bystander, and he sucker punched me right behind the ear, and I saw stars. Just like, we're talking cartoons, I saw stars, I saw the birds going around. It was totally confused. I had no idea what was happening, and I had nothing to do with the situation.

Oh, Josh. Did you ever get your revenge? Well, I was very upset, as you can imagine, once I came to and realized what year it was. And I threw my bike down, and I squared up, and I thought, if I hit this guy, there's a good chance, not because I'm tough or anything, but because of how old he was, there's a good chance he's going to fall over and die. Your face of manslaughter at that point. I mean, seriously, the guy was frail, but he must have been a junior weight boxer or something. He got me good. He got me real good behind the.

year. Good for you for thinking about the consequences if you would hit him back. I don't think many people would pause to think about that. That's really why you didn't hit him back, the consequences. Meaning like in getting in trouble? I wasn't worried about that. No, I just was thinking like this doesn't seem right to hit a guy that looks like he's got about a week left just on his own. He doesn't need help dying. And his wife is crying, you know, thinking that there was, because there's four of us thinking we're going to jump him or something. She had to hit him right in his frigging dentures. My buddy's talking trash to him. I'm just sitting there like, okay, let's get out of here. And I'm the one that gets hit. But that was back, like I was saying, that was back when it was

completely legal to beat up an old-timer. Now it's, uh, oh, it's almost encouraged. Yeah. Yeah. They got mad if you didn't beat them up. Why do you take so long in line? And then you just start punching them. Danny, you were mentioning you surprised I don't have a friend in my friend group with the nickname a pancake. Yeah. It brought me back to one of my favorite nicknames. I haven't seen this gal in years and years and years. But her nickname was dogs, dogs, dogs. And you had to say it that way every time.

You had to say it that way every time. She a big fan? Oh, she would not shut up about her damn dogs. So we gave her the nickname, dogs, dogs, dogs. And again, there was no altering that delivery. You had to say it that way, no matter the context of the conversation. Jesus, she would just sit there, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. about the, what time is it, Josh?

It is 654. We'll be right back with the sports. 93X half-assed morning show. Nice. Nice. We've had every local news station, every national news station, reach out to cover this story, and we ask ourselves why, why all this coverage?

And I can't help but revert back to what I said earlier, that people are eager to see more stories like this. Very true. Very true. A mother of three. was honored last week for lending police a hand, or in this case her car specifically, to help an officer chase down a suspected shoplifter. The pursuit began Saturday at a Dillard store in Louisiana, where a report of a shoplifting sent Sergeant Jeff Cars inside to investigate.

The suspect, 34-year-old Kelsey Baird, spotted him as he came through the doors and quickly ditched the items she had been trying to steal. I'll walk with me, all right. I didn't take anything, sir. I mean, come on and walk. There she goes. Footpressure for Dillage, Slyle, footpressure for Dillage, white female, gray top, blue jeans, brown hair. When Sergeant Cars tried to stop her from leaving, Baird sprinted across the parking lot and jumped into a waiting car as cars approached.

Behind the wheel was her boyfriend, 43-year-old Eric Bordeaux. Body cam video shows the officer running after her until she climbed into the vehicle as it's bed away. Almost immediately a stranger pulled up and asked the cop needed a lift. Want to hop in? The Good Samaritan said. Cars accepted. He climbed in and guided the woman as they followed the fleeing pair. Police said the citizen officer duo kept a safe distance while he relayed a play-by-play to responding units over the radio.

Within moments, backup arrived and the suspects were taken into custody. They went left. They went left. They're right there. They're going around the back. They're going to give them. We got it. Okay.

Yep. Okay, there you go, sir. Thank you for your service. Baird and Bordeaux were charged with theft and resisting an officer by flight. Baird received an additional charge for possession of meth, a little dental crisis confetti. The police chief later thanked the Good Samaritan for stepping in and presented her with a citizenship award. I understand that shoplifting is, you know, bad, illegal, but is it that serious where you got to take someone's car to chase them down? Yeah, it seemed a little overblown to me, too.

When they stole something from a department store and we're fleeing through traffic. Sometimes there's very little going on. And they had a press conference about it. What could you possibly have taken that? It was that valuable. Yeah, she only sold like $5 worth of goods or something. I don't think she actually ended up taking anything. She ditched it all.

Oh, my God. What was some little town in Louisiana? Yeah. That explains it. Right? I mean, sometimes there's very little going on. You're a cop. You know, you ought to do something.

A little bit of excitement. You showed a citizen a good time, right? I bet that was a blast for her. Little community service there or whatever you want to call it. You know, having fun with a regular citizen. I mean, the story could have ended with, and that's how we never saw the cop again. He just jumped in a stranger's car.

A 25-year-old Albuquerque man's facing charges after telling deputies he shot two people inside a New Mexico home because he believed that he'd received an encrypted message ordering him to kill. A message, he said, that was hidden in a cockroach. Officers arrived just before 10.30 p.m. Friday after reports of gunfire. And they reached the front door. They were met by Alexis Hernandez, who had a firearm on his waistband and a sword on his hip. A sword.

Yes. Again, the message was hidden in a cockroach. With his life cut into pieces, Hernandez told deputies, quote, I had to do what I had to do as a last resort. During an interview after he was taken into custody, he said he knew both men, including the property owner. He described believing that the owner, someone who used to consider a friend,

had been stalking him in the days leading up to the shooting. He told deputies he thought the friend had placed cameras inside the lights, and he was hearing creepy voices coming from the vents. Oh, boy. He added that he'd been getting signs telling us. telling him he needed to kill the property owner before the man killed him. Hernandez later claimed he had received those orders via an encrypted message in a cockroach, noting that the owner didn't like cockroaches.

According to the warrant, Hernandez won't be getting away with murder because he admitted to the attack and later told police he didn't know what to do afterwards, so he stayed on scene and just walked around until they arrived. I don't want to interrupt you, Josh, but I just want to acknowledge I appreciate those pop-a-roach references. What Papa Roach references? There are Papa Roach references in there? I missed it. Turns out, thank you.

It turns out that in a laundry room, clean, press, and stress are a combustible combination. A 29-year-old Indiana man ended up setting his own house on fire because he was, in his own words, stressed and pissed off about his financial situation. Travis Clark was arrested October 27 after he approached officers and said he wanted to confess to a crime. He explained he was stressed out and, quote, pissed off that he was in debt with credit cards. As he talked with police, he went on to describe how he had set fire in his home's laundry room before heading to work that morning, hoping he could collect insurance money to pay off what he owed. He admitted that he did try something similar three years earlier for the same reason, though that earlier attempt never prompted an investigation.

This most recent September fire, he said, did. Clark also acknowledged he had searched how to start a fight. on his cell phone. Oh, don't do that, bud. At least go in incognito mode. Do it in the library. You got to go to the library. You're right, Dana.

After meeting with an insurance adjuster, Clark said he took a butane lighter and torched the wire, even more to make it look more convincing for insurance costs as if they're some sort of electrical fire. Sure. In a written statement, he explained

he had snapped because his bills were piling up. There's a guy who didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel, did it? I feel bad he was in that. situation but um yeah that that's going to work out pretty poorly for him charged with insurance fraud there fraud a florida man was injured when he and his uh excuse me his wife tried to stab him twice after she said she needed to sacrifice him authorities arrived just after eight a m last

tuesday to spot richard detert standing outside in a robe sporting a fresh forearm cut and the unmistakable expression of someone who did not wake up expecting knife play before breakfast. He told deputies the day began at 5 a.m. With his 58-year-old wife, Karen, looming over him and asking, where's our son? When he asked her why, she wanted to know, she said, I need to sacrifice you both.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I want a divorce. That's where you point out the son's location and you run like hell. Karen tried to stab him with a large knife, but Richard was able to block the attack, disarmor, and lock himself in a bathroom. excuse me, a bedroom. By 7.45 a.m. he ventured out for a shower, presumably believing the worst was over. It wasn't.

Striking from behind the refrigerator, Karen aimed another knife at his stomach, authorities say. Richard blocked the second attack, too, although he took another cut to the arm in the process. While they struggled over the blade, Karen kept yelling, I'm going to kill you. But first, I'd like to speak to your manager, Karen said. Richard eventually disarmed her and escaped long enough to call 911. police found Karen still inside the home, detained her and placed her in a patrol car. She refused to talk with law enforcement but did volunteer one unsolicited detail. These aren't the clothes I was wearing when I stabbed him.

She admitted to the stabbing. Oh, Jesus. I find it funny that he was like, all right, everything should be better now. I'm going to go take a shower. Why would everything just be better? She must kind of do that stuff, right? Yeah. That's got to be it.

I'm guessing he's been dealing with mental episodes like this for many, many years if he thought he could take a quick douche in the middle of all this madness. A 44-year-old nurse who worked at a hospital in Western Germany injected dozens of mostly elderly patients with large doses of sedatives or painkillers in order to make his night shifts easier. The defendant testified that he tried only to put his patients to sleep because sleep, quote, is the best medicine, he said, insisting he didn't know the drugs he used could be lethal. Prosecutor said the nurse employed at the hospital since 2020, showed no motivation or enthusiasm while performing his duties,

and displayed a complete lack of empathy for sick patients in his care. The investigation found the patients who needed the most attention irritated him. A court recently sentenced the nurse to life in prison without parole. Apparently, sadly, he murdered 10 patients. What? and attempted to murder 27 others. Really? Investigators are reviewing additional suspicious cases from his medical career.

This guy ended up killing 10 people dead? Yeah, he claimed he didn't mean to that he just was trying to knock him out so he could chill out. Yeah, for a second there, I just thought the guy was lazy, you know, just wanted to... He was lazy. That's what he's claiming. It's pure laziness. A drunk New Yorkers facing felony charges after she struck trick-or-treaters with her vehicle on Halloween night. Deputies recalled about 7.50 p.m. October 31st after reports multiple people had been hit by a car. And when they arrived, they found a vehicle stopped in the street with a guy trapped underneath. In all four people were injured.

The man beneath the vehicle had serious injuries to his torso and legs, while a woman who had also been struck suffered injuries to her foot. A 14-year-old had serious injuries to his hip area, and another man was hit but didn't require medical treatment. An investigation pieced together what happened. they learned 60-year-old Anne Affolder had been backing an SUV out of a driveway when she suddenly accelerated into the street and into a crowded trick-or-treaters. And she wasn't just drunk. She also had a small amount of methamphetamine, a little Eastview lightning, if you will.

The driver was taken into custody at the scene. Just hammered and hit the gas a little too hard. God dang. For decades, the world's service men and women have been portrayed on screen and honored for bravery and sacrifice. And since today's Veterans Day, a day dedicated to recognize those who served in the U.S. military, it's a fitting opportunity to revisit several defining war films,

all of which are available to stream. The Internet yesterday was a buzz with different movies. People thought that we should see. Set in 1963, the World War II thriller The Great Escape follows a group of battle-hardened Allied prisoners attempting a daring breakout from a German POW camp. starring Steve McQueen, who was a marine vet in real life. Steve McQueen, bitch.

James Garner, Richard Attenborough, and Charles Bronson. That's a great one. Director Oliver Stone's platoon is about a young U.S. Army recruit played by Charlie Sheen as he confronts the moral and psychological pressures of combat in Vietnam while navigating the conflicting influence of his superiors portrayed by Tom Berringer and Willem Defoe. You all want to talk about killing? Another Oliver Stone film, the acclaimed biographical drama born on the Fourth of July follows a Vietnam War veteran played by Tom Cruise after he's paralyzed and sent back to the

United States to resume his non-military life. That's a difficult one. I haven't seen that one. Oh. And I really have no idea why. I always wanted to. That's the one on the list I haven't seen. Very, very well done, very dark, but also inspirational.

Just know when you go into it, Josh, there's going to be some troubling moments in the movie. But what will lighten your mood a little bit is when at the beginning of the movie you see Tom Cruise, who's like 35 at the time, portraying an uncomfortable teenage version. Oh, is that right? The Stephen Spielberg-198 war drama Saving Private Ryan tracks a group of American World War II troops who are ordered to go behind enemy lines in France to rescue a soldier, played by Matt Damon, whose brothers have all been killed in action, with an opening battle sequence, still can. considered among the most unforgettable. That's an incredible movie. It is. One of my favorites. I like when Opom kills that dude at the ass end of the movie.

Released the same year as Saving Private Ryan, The Thin Red Line offers a look at a group of U.S. soldiers in the Pacific Theater as they grapple with the brutality of war. The cast includes Sean Penn, Adrian Brody, Jim Caviesel, George Clooney, John Cusack, Woody, Harrison, Nick Nolte, and others. Completely stacked there. One of the greatest scenes ever is when Nick Nolte has a complete meltdown. commanding the platoon leader to attack when he does not want to attack.

Those of you who have seen the movie know what I'm talking about. He's the perfect guy to play a guy who has a complete meltdown. Oh, my God. There's no better actor. I don't know how he could breathe during that scene. He's screaming with so much ferocity, sure. Dunkirk is another war movie which made the list. A Christopher Nolan war thriller depicting the real-life Dunkirk evacuation of World War II,

which resulted in the rescue of over 300. thousand allied soldiers. Other recommended war-themed movies included full metal jacket, apocalypse now, and the deer hunter. My favorite war movie is Inglorious bastards. It's so good. Not exactly true, but...

Yeah, I know, but it's... That is a great movie. Yeah. Black Hawk Down made the list quite a few times. People are checking in on that one. That's a tough one. Some good ones in there, Cubby. Definitely. Among those who have served in the military are several familiar faces from the entertainment world.

Oscar-winning film and TV. icon Morgan Freeman served in the Air Force, possibly narrating his own basic training video, this legendary voice. Film legend Clint Eastwood went ahead and made the Army's day when he was drafted during the Korean War. Long before anyone knew he'd grow up to be the galaxy's most temperamental Sith, Star Wars actor Adam Driver, enlisted in the Marines inspired by the September 11th terrorist attacks. I didn't know that.

Notable tough guy Chuck Norris, best known for being able to strangle a guy with a cordless phone, served in the Air Force, where even the... planes saluted him. The A-team star Mr. T joined the Army National Guard, as did film, TV, and mustache great Tom Selleck. The late music legend Jimmy Hendrix served in the Army's 101st Airborne Division. Those were only a few, and of course many heroes from across public life have served. So on Veterans Day and every day, a sincere thank you to all who have worn the uniform. Can you imagine bunkin next to Mr. T at basic training? That'd be awesome, wouldn't it? I need my gun, my thousand pounds of necklaces.

I bet he was the guy that you couldn't get to shut up. You know what I mean? He's just such a talker. We mentioned this earlier later this morning. We have a very special in studio guest joining us for Veterans Day. His name is Zach Johnson, and he is the founder and CEO of Roger Up. He's served in the United States Marine Corps. He was awarded the Purple Heart.

If Roger Up is unfamiliar to you, it's an organization he started giving veterans a place to experience the outdoors and provide resources and some real tools to help them live their best lives and start healing. Very much looking forward to his presence later this morning. Because it's a federal holiday, many government-related offices, including post offices, and most banks will be closed today. However, the majority of private businesses remain open, and many of those are offering special discounts or complementary items to veterans as a way to show our appreciation.

Here are some of those restaurants providing Veterans Day deals. Applebee's California Pizza Kitchen Chili's Chipotle, Denny's, Dickie's barbecue pit Hooters, Nice IHop, Little Caesars, Outback Steakhouse, Kudoba, Red Robin, Starbucks, and more. Very cool that they are doing stuff like that. And again, thank you to our veterans.

Leonardo DiCaprio is 51 today. Her new face may not be old enough for kindergarten, but Demi Moore herself turned 63. And Rudy Sarzo, bassist for Ozzy Osbourne, Quiet Riot, White Snake, and Blue Oyster Colt, 75. Rudy Sarzo? Yeah. Unbelievable.

What? Yeah, I'm connected with him on LinkedIn. Why do you ask? That was a weird question to throw out of nowhere. You're cool. I bet you and Rudy Sarzo become very good friends. I hope so. One of my favorites.

Rudy Sarzo, you said. Sending a heavenly 28th to Jordan from the Clark family. The other dumb-ass welder Jesus checked in on this Veterans Day, and he wants to give a shout out from one veteran. to the rest of the brother and sisterhood that are also veterans. And that's 93X News. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning.

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Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's BIA. and it spells relief for you.

The United States Soccer Federation presents the U.S. Soccer Podcast. I'm your host, Megan Klingerberg. One thing I promised you is an all-access pass that you wouldn't get on any other show. And we found out that whoever comes on scores a goal. Burholfe. Freeman. Trusty. U.S. soccer podcast magic is real people. We still got plenty of coverage all throughout this World Cup.

Okay, let's get into it. The U.S. Soccer Podcast, presented by Henko. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X-Hafast morning show. All right, wonderful.

Let's get to the dogs and the cats here. Welcome back to the 93X-H-F-S morning show. What's happening? The puppies are in studio. There are puppies here? I have a puppy. What kind of puppies are there? Ashley is holding a puppy.

Chihuini. What is it Chihuahua and a dachshund? Oh, my damn. A little weiner dog. Welcome back to the program. Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital is here. If you have a question about your house pets, Andrea is where it's at. The number is 651-989-93-93. Dr. Andrea's visit is brought to you each month by the stray dog restaurant and bar in northeast Minneapolis.

And just for you, our wonderful listeners, they're offering a. up an additional 20% off all online orders with special promo code 93x so go to the stray dog northeast website order yourself something to eat type in that promo code 93x and you get 20% off welcome back dr andrea thank you good morning and we might we got to get around to where you're getting these puppies from um we don't have a microphone set up yet do we for our next guest uh you can run over here well maybe we have to wait. Yeah, we might have to get her set up in a second. We might have to wait. But

Dr. Andrea and Ashley are both holding little chihu- Chweeney. Chweeney? Is that how I say it? Chowini? Cheney's. I stole the one from Dr. Andrea here. Oh, you have a puppy too. Everyone's holding a puppy. We'll get to where these puppies came from in just a few

minutes. We will. They're adorable little characters. My damn, look at the one in your hands there, Josh. Look at the look on his face. I'm guessing, is this So is this a lady? This one? Yeah, it looks like it. Okay.

Yeah, sure looks like it. We got a little pink collar on, so I don't want to assume. 651.9-89-933, again is the number. If you have a question for Dr. Andrew, you have plenty that have poured in already. Dr. Andrew, yeah, thank you, by the way, for helping us out Sunday. Yeah, that was so fun. At the Legion for the Call-in-for-A-Cure Randy Shaver fundraiser. You called Bingo.

I've never done that before. You did wonderfully. Thank you. It was really fun. were a natural. Others were not naturals. But you hung in there just fine. Well, I had the hard one. I had like the picture frame. You and Dr. P had an extended series of numbers to be called because they were a little more elaborate games. I felt bad for the two of you, certainly. I was afraid I was going to drop that beloved ball on the floor. Well, Randy Schabert did that at one point.

He dropped one of the bingo balls and we almost lost it, which would have. People were pretty upset by that, too. Of course he did. For sure. He also. He also. He also called it zero instead of O, which was pretty funny. Right. Yeah. You helped out, and we appreciate it very much. Yeah, it was so fun. I just wanted to give a quick update.

The three events we did at the Legion with 93X and Randy Shaver Cancer Research Fund. We had the broasted chicken night. We had the freeze-out cancer meat raffle. We had the bingo. We raised about, from what I think I have this correct, and I'm sure my wife might be listening and she could help out. I think we raised about $20,000. That's so awesome. incredible that's great so let's introduce our other guest here while we're at it because i think

we have a working microphone um i have so much information in front of me rachel oh maybe that's not working after all no we're going to have to wait on rachel well we will have to wait the microphone just fell completely off of its moorings we'll get to rachel later uh we have questions for dr andrea though that have come in already come in already here we go uh i'm setting up up an appointment for my kitty, says a listener. He's not eating very much. He's gotten very skinny.

Had the dry heaves sometimes clear vomit, could this be stomach or intestine issues? Yes, and yes. I mean, it could be a variety of different things. Those are pretty general symptoms. I'd get your cat checked out. How old is the cat, they say? He called it a kitty.

He did not give an age. Yeah, it would check kidney values, blood work. I mean, cats eat weird stuff, dental floss, string, you know, Christmas time they eat ornaments. I get your cat looked at. Might need an X right, too. Okay. That doesn't sound so nice. Nope.

Do you have any advice to get rid of fleas? They just won't go away, this person says. Two dogs, Boston Terrier, Aussie, one cat, thick coat. We've tried flea baths, flea collars, the drops, nothing's working. Yeah, so you probably need to flea bomb your house or have a professional come in and do that, because if you're treating the pets and they still are getting it, it's probably in the house. And the fleas like to hide out in little cracks and wood floors.

And you need to get someone to come out and flea vomit. Ah, that sucks. Sorry. We had problems back in the day. It's gross. Yeah, it was a little troubling back in the day when my Springer spaniel would jump into bed with me. And then I know he actually is just crawling with fleas.

Oh, I've been corrected. $31,000 was raised. Oh, wow. Wow, that's great with our three events. Just keeps getting better. Yeah. Six-year-old 100-pound Burmese Mountain Dog. A listener owns one of those.

We were playing yesterday. We tend to play a little rough. We think she twisted something. She yipped and is now limping on one of her front legs. Can I give her Advil? No, no. Do not give you a dog Advil. That's bad.

Yes. Yeah, so I would have your dog seen and actually get on an animal-approved anti-inflammatory. Something like carprofen or remodil is the brand name. There's a variety of different other non-steroidals. What does Advil do to a dog? So it can cause liver problems, kidney problems. I would don't ever give your dog aspirin or Advil. Cat, too.

Okay. Yeah. That's good advice. Weight going to kill me, Jesus said. My question is, I spent $3,000 on training for my pit. pit bull puppy. My mom and grandma think the e-collar is animal cruelty. I'm trying, all I'm trying to do is correct my pup wants to know your thoughts on the e-collar. Yeah, I mean, I have a crazy German short hair at home, and he does get trained on the e-collar, especially for hunting. He

doesn't wear it all the time, but it does help correct them. And a lot of times it will just buzz and not even shock. But it helps redirect that behavior. I wouldn't have him wear it all the time. But if there's certain behaviors you want to work on, a lot of times if he jumps on the counter and he has it on, I'll just give him like a little buzz. He doesn't know what's coming from me. But he's like, oh, that felt weird. I probably shouldn't do that again. All of my dogs are, have been trained with those e-cullers. And it's to the point now where, well, they beep or they buzz or they shock. Yeah. And all I have to do is beep it. It never has to go any further than that. That's how it usually works out, right? Yeah. And most, most training facilities train on that.

the collars. So, yeah. I think we do now have a working microphone for our special guest this morning. Can you say something or another? Yes, hi, it's Rachel. Hey, Rachel. How do you say your last name, Rachel? It's Jopi.

Jopi. Yes, correct. This is International Mrs. Minnesota, Rachel Jopi. And you brought in these wonderful little Chowini puppies. Yes. In a few minutes, we're going to find out all about an animal rescue that you work for or volunteer for? Which one is it? Yeah, so I'm here today with Midwest Animal Rescue.

It is one of the rescue groups that I collaborate with. I accepted my title to bring more awareness to animal rescue and several other different things. And so today I brought two Chooweeney puppies with me that are looking for homes. They're so cute. You got to get a hit of that puppy breath, Nick. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Get a hit of that. Yeah.

No, it is. It's one of, I think, the top favorite smells when, you know, things like it just, it reminds you of great time. So anyway, yes, continue. Yeah, so, again, I accepted my title for bringing awareness to animal rescue here and the importance of spay and neutering. There's such a need, too, for getting pet food into local food shelves. So something else that I'm kind of advocating for. So I'm super happy to be here. Okay.

Appreciate that. We appreciate having. Yeah, absolutely. of the other things that is really cool that I've been trying to do is any of my fellow pilots out there. I am actually a volunteer pilot for pilots and paws. Awesome organization that transports rescue animals all over the country. So there's any pilots that want to combine their love for flying with a really cool mission, then jump on board. You fly?

I fly. Puppies. That is really cool. Into town. And your husband fixes planes, right? He is. He's airplane fixer, Jesus. That's awesome.

Yeah, we get text from him, so I certainly recognize the name and had the honor of meeting him yesterday when you came in, and that's kind of how this started. And what a cool story that you guys are actually flying around helping these animals. Yeah, absolutely. I actually bought an airplane and got my private pilot's license solely to be able to transport rescue animals. Wow. That's incredible. Yeah. Well, the puppies are very cute.

Do they get a little nervous on their first flight? No, it's actually really cool because it's like a baby getting. rock to sleep, you know, with the vibration and the noise, they just pass out. It's great. Oh, wonderful. We appreciate you coming in. We're going to learn more about, what's the name of the So Midwest Animal. Midwest Animal. Oh, here it is right here in front of me. Yeah, yeah. They are an awesome organization. One of the great things I love about them is they provide low-cost services, veterinary care. So that's one of the things I really am trying to drive home is there's

resources out there for vet care for people that can't afford, you know, just their local clinic. So Midwest has a variety of different services that they offer really low cost from vaccinations, spays, neuters, nail trims, all different types of things. So great organization. Well, I can tell you, your appearances work because yesterday you showed up, like I mentioned, and one of our favorite co-workers, favorite people in the building, she's going to be picking up a dog today. Yes. You brought, Glenda, is that one of the ones you brought yesterday? Yes, and, yes, Natalie, your promotions coordinator has adopted Glenda.

Of course she did. She texts me this morning saying she just can't wait to pick up Glenda. It happened that fast. Yes, and of course I brought her in a welcome outfit. Natalie loves pink foo-foo, so she's going to go home today in her pink foo. Oh, is here? Oh, that's Glenda. Oh, that's Glenda.

Oh, that's Glenda. She's awesome. I can see the attraction. We'll have to get some pictures of these puppies up on our website before it's all said and done. Absolutely. Dr. Andrea. Yeah. A question here from a listener.

My male miniature dachshin, one years old, will only hump me and not my girlfriend. Why does he pick on me? It's behavioral. That is all behavioral. It's just trying to establish dominance. Yeah. Trying to get in between the two. Sorry, buddy.

Yeah, I know. I wouldn't promote it, but. Yeah. This person says, my son has a rescue boxer mix. Nine years old will be 10 in February. not eating or drinking very wobbly. Bend to the vet twice, blood work normal, x-rays showed nothing. Heck of a vet bill with no answers.

What should we try next? That doesn't sound good. I worry if it's showing neurologic symptoms. You might need to consider referral to neurologists. I know that's added expense, but you worry that there's something going on in the head. Yeah, it could be anything from infectious to boxers, unfortunately, are kind of a cancer factory. so you worry about that a little bit, two at nine years of age. Any expert advice on dog joint supplements?

Yeah, I really like a product called Dasequin with eggshell membrane. It is glucosamine chondroitin. So you can buy glucosamine condortin. You said that like I would understand what they do. Right. Glucosamine chondroitin is people take it. It's just a joint supplement to help with keeping the joints nice and lubricated as well as a natural anti-inflammatory. Is it similar to fish oil pills?

No, different type of mechanism. But fish oil's good, too, omega-3s. But daisoquine is a really good glucose-me and chondroitin product for dogs, and co-sequin is a good product for cats. It's fish oil for coats mostly? It can help with allergies. It can help with joint pain. I can do a lot of stuff. Yeah, it's awesome.

Oh, the burps, though. Oh, it's so bad. You know, if they get too much, you smell it on their skin. Yeah, it can get kind of gross. Yes. We just got done covering how wonderful puppy breath is. When your dog starts to reek like fish oil pills, that's a tough. I've experienced that in people too.

Tough go. Book collector, Jesus, said their 13-year-old cat developed a small lump near her front right armpit. Last month and a half, it's gotten bigger. Now it's about the size of a golf ball, soft and spongy. She has an appointment today, but what should we expect? Yeah, so there's lymph nodes that sit in that. I'd worry about a lymph node.

It could be a lipoma or a fatty lump, but typically dogs get those, not cats. But they will probably poke it with a needle and put that needle on the slide and look under the microscope to see if you can see any cells. Or they might recommend sedating and biopsying it. Speaking of cats, I got a cute story. I think this crowd might appreciate.

A friend of mine recently came across an abandoned kitty, picked it up and brought it home. Her living boyfriend said, absolutely not. I don't want a cat in this house. No thank you. And she said, how about we compromise? I'll let you name the cat, and then we keep it. And he thought for a while, and now she has a cat named

the Iron Sheek. And they kept it. That is top-not. Is the Iron Sheik, the guy that would spit on America? Oh, yeah. He was one of them. I wonder if the cat feels the same way. But then he had, yeah, maybe. But then he had that brilliant Twitter run. Did you not? That was the Iron Sheik.

Yeah, he had some funny stuff. Speaking of kitties, abandoned kitties, you said? Yep. Here's a listener. Found four sewer kittens. Four abandoned kittens in the sewer. My goodness. That's awful.

About six weeks old, brought them in to see the vet. One of them had a pretty bad upper respiratory issue. The question is, what should we know about fostering them? Yeah. I mean, at six weeks, you should start to be able. able to get them off of like kitten supplementation. They can start eating regular kitty food. But they're going to need a lot of socialization and a lot of handling, considering that

window of socialization is so narrow and who knows what their exposure was to that. Because they can end up being pretty feral or nasty, so make sure that you're getting them handled by people. Check them for parasites. Obviously, F-E-L-V-F-I-V, which is infectious. that they can get from their mother or being strays. And then certainly make sure they're getting vaccinated. They were living in the sewer.

Like the ninja service. Cats are so insanely amazing, though. I mean, they can find small areas to live in for a long time and come out like nothing ever happened. Maybe they've missed the sewer. Yeah. Maybe there's something to it. Walleye Slayer, she just said,

Dr. Andrew, have you seen a lot of Sard's cases, S-R-D-S-E-S-R-D-E? Yes, I have. Okay, because she said my dog developed it years ago, has since passed. Now I've worked in the vet med field for three to four years, and I've never seen a patient come in for that. No, I do see it. So it stands for a sudden acquired retinal degeneration. So what happens is they acutely go blind. A lot of times it's affiliated with Cushing's disease where they're actually producing too much internal steroid.

but a lot of times, and then sometimes it can be autoimmune, but a lot of times we don't know what causes it, and they're just acutely blind. That sounds like a real. It is, but they learn how to age or? Yeah, typically it's middle age to older dogs. But they learn to compensate. Like you said before, they're so resilient.

Yes. I grew up with a gal that had a, what was it, a golden retriever with no eyes. That's insane. Really? It had no eyes? No eyes. The eyes were. Injury?

I thought it was cancer. It was a long time ago, but both eyes were sewn shut. Yeah. And so when we'd go over to her house, we were always extra nice to this dog because of the situation he was in, but you could not tell at all. No, they're amazing when it comes to using their other senses. And I'm sure you guys being rescue organizations see that all the time. Oh, there's so many animals that, yeah, are blind, are hearing impaired,

and they make amazing animals. They have some of the coolest, you know, stories of how they figure out. life and three-legged dogs. There's so many really cool things. Yeah, this dog with no eyes would approach you and sit. And the way, for a lack of a better term, the way he learned to do that was by smell and by the vibration of the floor. You know, when we'd walk on the floor,

he could tell where we were going and where we were coming from, and he'd walk right up in front of you and sit as if he could see you. That's impressive. That's cool. And they have amazing memories, too. like they kind of remember where their layout is. Oh, yeah. They know.

I never saw him bump into a wall. No. He knew the frigging layout. I just want to mention real quick, Dr. Andrea, the dog, your holding, has fallen in love with me clearly. I've been kind of watching how you pet the dog. You're an expert. Like, you're giving a puppy massage. We handle many dogs a day.

I would think so. This one is super cute. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-ass morning show. Yeah, we got a double shot of love for the pets today on the program. Our regular vet friend, Dr. Andrea Johnston, is in studio. And we still have time for a few more questions for Dr. Andrea, but also international Mrs. Minnesota, Rachel Juppie.

Jopie, can you turn your microphone on? There you go. Who is advocating for Midwest Animal Rescue and Services. Really interesting stuff you were telling us earlier about flying. animals. You personally fly animals this way and that. Yeah, I'm a volunteer pilot for pilots and paws. So just such a cool organization, you know, to be able to transport animals around people, you know, looking to get a dog from, you know, Missouri or somewhere that they've seen online and yet they can't

figure out how to get it here. And rescue groups can go online, sign up real quick, transport an animal. It's really hands off for the rescue groups for people that are adopting. The pilots really do all the work. and just coordinate the legs. What's the most amount of pets you've had on an airplane while you are steering the vehicle? Well, I personally own a very small airplane. So puppies.

You probably put a lot of puppies on that airplane. Yeah, I don't say puppies, you can put like 20 or 30 because they're crated. Oh, wow. But, you know, like a big Bernie's mountain dog that have had in the back, you know, you're kind of limited in space. But I brought a buddy with me here today, Steve, who does amazing work as well. And he's got a little bit bigger airplane.

and he's, I don't even know how many animals, he's jammed in the airplane. But the big thing is weight. You've got to be careful about how much weight you're going to put in an airplane. Did I just hear it? Yeah, it sounded like somebody was whining. Did a puppy just whine or is Ashley complaining over there or something? I'm whining because I'm in the other studio momentarily.

I'll be back. I know. I feel bad that you're over there. We should switch spots, actually. I feel like I need to just hand over this puppy door. Yeah. Rachel brought in three Chowienies for us to handle this morning, and they're adorable.

And we have more information before we go. But how about a couple more questions for Dr. Andrea? Oh, that puppy that you are holding is very cute. A Pomeranian mix who has started coughing and making a honking sound when he gets excited. I love it. They make that noise. Is this a problem? The direct question here is he experiencing a collapsed trachea?

Yes, correct. Oh, that is what it is. Yes, yeah, ding-ding. So the smaller, the breed, the more susceptible they are to their tracheal collapsing as they get older. So the rings of the trachea, you know, it's like this ringed organ that is made a cartilage. So as they get older, that cartilage weekends, and it collapse when they get excited. So a few things you can do at home, weight management, make sure your pomeranian is ideal weight or maybe even a little bit under. And don't use a collar.

So use a harness. Because the more you pull on the neck, the more that tracheo will collapse. But they do when they get excited or when they're sleeping at night and they stand up, you'll hear them kind of hack and... It sounds like it's... When you hear that, it sounds worse than the way you're describing. So it's not... Yeah, I mean, I've had a 12-year-old Yorkie that lost half of its body weight and it stopped coughing. So weight is a huge factor in it.

Wow. I've only seen one surgery where they go in and put like a little stent in there to keep it open, but they typically fail. Those surgeries aren't very successful. Okay. Yeah. What should we expect if our cat is developing diabetes? The cat's five. That's from Cornwall in Jesus.

Oh, no. At five. Make sure you put your cat on a diabetic diet. So it's kind of like the Atkins diet, high in protein, low in carbs. But there's prescription diabetic food. And then you could start your cat on glargein, which is an insulin. And actually at that young of an age, a lot of them, like 96% of them, go into remission after six months if you can get that cat to lose weight oh okay yeah so they can

actually do pretty well yeah here's a listener whose daughter is considering becoming a veterinarian oh wow and he says is the schooling really hard i've heard it's crazy hard i would hope it's difficult and i've heard people say it's tougher than becoming a doctor well there's just less veterinary schools than medical schools um and the class sizes are smaller but It's not a walk in the park. No. By the way, I saw your alma mater play football on television last night for the Miami of Ohio. Miami of Ohio, how do they do?

I just watched a few minutes. I don't know. I love that. It sounds like a dad here who's kind of hoping, if I'm going to dump all that money, are you going to get an education or are you going to drop out for Pete's sake? Yeah, I mean, it's a hefty bill, that's for sure. How many years of school is it? Well, it's four years of undergrad.

Four years of undergrad. undergrad and then four years of vet school. And then I did an internship or residency if you want to do that too. I did nine months, nine months is how you say it at Brown Institute and I was exhausted, mentally, physically everything. That's a lot. Better than Nick at Billiard says our five and a half month old Springer Spaniel recently started squatting multiple times when she goes pee.

Is that a UTI? I'd get her checked out for one, for sure. I'd actually get her bladder ultrasounded too to make sure there's not a stone or something bouncing around in there. At that age, you worry, too, could there be something anatomical? Could she have an ectopic urator where the urator goes into the wrong place of the bladder? Causes them to be susceptible to infection, too. Josh, are you part feline?

I don't think so. Maybe. Because you're known for your stress diarrhea. Oh, I've had stress diarrhea, sure. More stress frequent urination than anything. When you're stressed out, it's frequent urination problems? More so than diarrhea. Here's a listener who's got a cat and it's vomiting and has diarrhea.

They recently moved into a new place. Is this stress diarrhea? It sounds like it. Cats typically are pretty hearty like that. Usually they have cystitis or bladder wall inflammation with stress, but it could be unless you changed up the diet or did something differently there. But you get your cat checked out if it continues. Do I get to hold a crying puppy before the show is over?

I'm just going to say. You want to take this one over here? It's crying. Whatever. This man is unhooked to any headphones. Is this airplane fixer, Jesus? It is. What's going on, man? Thank you. Oh, I'm holding a little chihuahui-wee. Tuini? Tuini. You got the microphone right there if you want to cry a little bit and say anything. The way you're talking to that puppy. Stop. Bring him on here and have them cry. Yeah. Does this one have a name?

That's Glinda. Glenda already has a home. Glinda has a home, but we were just talking over here. Professor Marvel is looking for a home. Professor Marvel. Yeah, he's actually black and colored, and I was telling everyone here that there's a thing called Black Dog Syndrome where these guys just don't get adopted as much when they're black and colored.

I had no idea. That is so crazy to me because I always, like, especially with labs, like I've always gone, like I just love black labs. All but one of our dogs has been, or two, have been black. Really? Yeah, they're the best. So definitely get out there and adopt. I want that one.

Glenda's a little squirly. She doesn't seem as content with me. Yeah, well. She might need to go potty. Oh, do you have to go make potty? My apologies in advance if she pees on you. Oh, that's okay. She does have a delicious puppy breath pouring out of her right now.

I told you. And her little ear got flipped over. And she's licking my face. And we're best friends now, Glenda. She says, yes, breast smells amazing. That's right. Would you have her breakfast? She wants the chew.

Gatorade and grizzly. Nick, you asked if I was part feline. Yes. And somebody reminds me I did take cat medicine once. That's right. I took cat medicine. Yeah, yeah, that was interesting. Yeah, it didn't work out as well as I thought.

Glenda doesn't like me very much, but she's been adopted already. Before we get out of here, Midwest Animal Rescue and Services, I was told off air has a give to the max day, Rachel? Yeah, so give to the max day is coming up here next Thursday, the 20th. It's a great way to give back to animal rescue so you can go to their website, learn about all the different services that they do, donate. Everything that they do for services always goes back into the organization. So it's a great way to get your vet care, but then all the money stays in house to help the rescue animals as well. Pretty cool story that you have there.

Yeah, absolutely. Ashley, are your legless dogs going to do a job? attack you now when you get home because they smell a puppy on you. Legless. Only one of them, all right? But yeah, they're going to go absolutely nuts. They already go crazy, but, yeah, this is going to be over the top. Rachel, you should know, okay, maintenance guy Jesus tax in and said they picked up a mutt from Midwest Animal Rescue last year.

Nice. Said the process was awesome, and their pal Hank is a total pimp. He sent in a photo. Oh, awesome. Let me see him. Oh, how cute is he? Yeah, he's a pimp for sure. That's awesome.

Big Pimpin. I neglected to ask you, Rachel, if there's a website that folks can check out if they want to help or volunteer or whatever. Yeah, so Midwest Animal Rescue has lots of different, you know, things they can volunteer to be a foster, help a transport. Again, get your veterinary, you know, if you're having problems paying for things, they've got some good low-cost services for that. A big thing that I'm advocating for, you know, besides if you're a pilot, go out and do that is I have got to hold. bunch of low-cost resources. If you're in need of pet food, there's some great pet food shelves, different resources like that on my Instagram page as well. So hopefully I'll get a site up and run in at some point with some resources. But I just think it's so important to be able to provide

those resources to people who can't afford them. Absolutely. I hope you don't mind me saying so with all your successes, Rachel, which we've talked about today. But you did tell me something yesterday about how you're a failure. You mentioned that you are a foster failure. Yeah, I'm a foster failure. We got a whole hobby farm filled with a whole bunch of different animals. We've got horses and pigs and ducks and dogs and cats. And so, yeah, I've got the whole gamut. Yeah, you mentioned so these animals you were supposed to foster them.

Somebody else would adopt them and you decided there's no way we could get rid of these animals. That happens a lot. I bet that does happen quite a bit. But it's a great way to, like, test the waters and see, like, hey, is this dog a good fit or not? And if you end up, you know, falling in them with the dog, then you're a foster failure like me. And something we didn't ask you about is your international Mrs. Minnesota. Yeah, we've been so focused on the dogs. Yeah, tell us about that.

Yeah, so I recently became International Mrs. Minnesota. I'm going to be competing in January for the International Mrs. USA. Just a great, you know, ability to bring forth things that I've kind of always done behind the scenes and, you know, my repertoire of all the things that we talked about with the pilot stuff. and, you know, just a great opportunity for me to put myself out there. So I'm pretty excited to be able to collaborate with a bunch of different rescues and provide resources to people and things like that. Well, you know, we've got your husband here who's a listener, airplane fixture, Jesus.

Do you mind getting on the mic real quick? I just have one question for you. Yeah. Is life better when you're married to Mrs. International Minnesota? The International Minnesota part is great, but there's a lot of a lot of poop I got to pick up she has some digestive issues

no not me personally just the oh the animals yeah I'm sorry that makes more sense no no I was thinking the same thing John I mean love is love sickness health wonderful pretty lady she might just poop on the floor you put up with that when you look like that

of course thank you Dr. Andrew you're welcome we'll see you in a couple weeks but we got to shut her down and thank you very much Thank you for having me. Of course, of course. See you, puppies. 93X half-assed morning show. Nice.

Nice. Nice. We got a lot to cover before we can crunk walk out of this nightmare. We've got a lot to do. You know, I don't think we've ever done this before, Cubby. How about I give folks a little sneak preview as to some of the topics we might cover? Normally we don't do that. We like a little element of surprise.

But what the hell? It's the final final. Today's show will include at least some conversation on porno movies, serial killers, micro penis, and Bigfoot. That sounds awesome. Do you like the sound of that? Yeah. Are you excited?

Is there a favorite there? Serial killers. Serial killers. Of course. I thought maybe you'd say micro penis because you have experience. That's true. I try to block that out. Yeah, have you tried to erase that from your...

Do you mind me sharing something then? Of course not. That's why you get paid to sit here. Well, you went through a wonderful list of topics, which I'm fascinated by, all of them. You looked at me during only one. It wasn't serial killers. No. But it did follow serial killers.

If your family would have been sitting behind you, I would have looked in their direction when I said serial... Oh, yeah, especially the mom's side. You looked at me. when you said microbeats. Did I really? And I'm hoping it was just to see my reaction. Was that subconscious on my part maybe? I think it was. If we had a body language expert in here, they could

probably tell us. Let me say, let me say the four topics again and see if Ashley, will you pay attention? Yeah, yeah, I'm watching. And this is just a very small sample of the topics that I'm aware of that we will be discussing on the program today.

All right, let's see if it happens again. Pornow movies. Okay, he was looking down, serial killers, looking up, micro penis. He looked at me. And what was the last one, Bigfoot? Yeah, he looked directly at you when he said micro penis, Dana. It was straight eye contact.

Wouldn't that be something you're the biggest guy here? I hope you have the smallest penis. I just got the smallest rod. Yeah, I hope Ashley has a bigger penis than you. She probably does. Yeah, there's no doubt. Oh, no. Timberwolves belong in the East, Jesus noticed that, Nick, when you said micro penis, you looked at him as well.

Did I? Yeah. There's a few of us. They're quite offended. There's, you know, subconscious things that we do. We don't mean it's just like an automatic, scientific kind of a thing. That's just a few of the subjects we'll get to. Ashley picked serial killers as her favorite.

Maybe there's some combinations amongst those different topics, quite possibly? Now that, wouldn't that be something? That would be interesting, and I guess we'll have to just sit here together and find out if there's a combination, a correlation between serial killers and micro-dick. We'll find out. Hey, tell me what happens when I say it. Micro-penis. You looked at Dana. Oh, yeah, I'm looking at Dana.

Jeez. Is there a favorite there for you, Cubby? Micro penis, certainly. That's the topic that you want to. I'm personally invested in this. You want to, okay. So there you go. And then, of course, at 7.30 this morning.

Fridays at 7.30 are always a goat rodeo. Andrew DePaula. Purple Pickham. Brad Ryder, Randy Shaver. Cubby's mom. What? She's already been picked on a little bit via Texas morning. What did they say about your mother at such an ungodly hour?

How she could take on Bigfoot. Oh. probably odds are. She's seen a lot of micro penises. Your mom's been in porn movies. Take on Bigfoot, huh? Yeah, you can make a big combo of all of those together and put them in with your mom.

Oh, God. Shut up, Micro Penis. Elementary school custodian Jesus said he's the president of MicroPenus Club, and he's not ashamed of it. Good for you. There's a club. Yeah. I mean, why not if you're the leader that does add a little bit of cool?

It's more like a support group. that's the club that most dudes would want to be thrown out of physically removed from the building you don't belong don't belong here i love that ashley immediately took the wind out of the sales no that's not a club this is for a bunch of depressed people god dang so all right look forward to all that at least we hope you look forward to all that josh is this the kind of information that might help uh get you through the weekend uh we bald dudes are better in the sack. That doesn't surprise me.

No, no, not at all. Or any women we've been with, the many, many, many, many, many women. Can I guess why? Go ahead. Because you're trying to make up for the fact that you're bald, maybe? That's not in the article, but probably because this was written by a bald man. Ah, all right. Hair impedes thrust.

This is all science. A study of 2,000 bald men shows that. Yeah, and plus I'd imagine being bald, it radiates. excess heat more efficiently, so less overheating, more goal power. Oh, that's appealing. It does not mention anywhere is in here, Smasgely, that we bald men bring it with greater ferocity than what's the, how should I call the opposite? Haired men?

I don't know how to say that. It does not mention that, Ashley, but there might be some truth to it, that we're pumping back and forth like a sewing machine, hoping that our partner doesn't get a real good look at us. You've basically ewed bald people before. Do you still feel that way? It's not my cup of tea. But everybody has everything. You're a hater. Fair enough. Fair enough. You know, one of these friggin articles pops up every couple of weeks. It's nothing. new. Maybe there is some new information in here. You tell me. What I mean when I say one of these subjects pops up every couple of weeks, it's always, you know, some kind of who makes the best

lover's stupid article. You know what I mean? I'm tired of it. But we got a couple of, well, we got a couple bald guys on the program, so why not? We have a higher sex drive. We balled fellers. Oh yeah, I'm a horn dog. Due to testosterone levels, Josh. Higher testosterone levels. I always like that when people bring that up, you know. Well, it just means you have more testosterone. And I thought, well, I love the property brothers,

so I'm going to guess that's not the case for every bald guy, but maybe for some. I've got a crush on Jonathan and Drew Scott. So maybe not every bald guy, but I'd imagine for some. Did you guys know I have a Property Brothers cornhole game? I do. Yeah, I remember you saying something. Custom made.

We have a higher. They don't sell those at Target? You know, they probably do. They brand on everything. That's a good point. Here are some bonuses to being a bald guy. Our other physical features pop more. Without a hairdo, it says.

Features like our eyes and our beautiful smile and our jawline become more striking. You know, that one on the list here I was wondering about. So you agree? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, yeah. Definitely. I had a, it's a little different than just being, you know, bald on the top of your head. But I had a friend growing up that had alopecia, so he didn't have any hair anywhere on his body. But what I really remember about him is that he had the most beautiful eyes.

It's always the eyes. Absolutely gorgeous. You know, Dana had some new hair. Mm-hmm. Oh, J. Jesus said, if bald people. people are better in the sack. Does that mean Dana went from average to bad now that you got there? You're a worse lover. You don't love your wife. I guess I don't. Get her on the phone. Let's find out if there's a difference. She'll tell you all about my micro penis. We already know. The eyes, the smile,

the jaw line become more striking. I had a ex-girlfriend once tell me to stop wearing my hat, my ball cap so much. And I, my hair was already, my hair was already taking a walk on me. So it wasn't like she was saying, show off your hair. Or if you spend more time without a baseball cap on, you won't lose any more hair. She said, if I go without a ball cap more often, she thought I was more attractive because it would show off my cheek bones. I don't know. I can see your cheekbones just fine with a hat on.

By the way, a Halloween hat on, which is a hell of cool hat. Yeah, that's a sweet hat. I meant to compliment you earlier, but I forgot. You know where I got this? Where? At a Halloween concert. That's a perfect place to get something like that. Oh, this is perfect.

There's no questioning this at all, especially if you know, Josh. We bald guys are better at sports. Oh, God, yeah. Somebody hand me a football. Yeah, you can throw a perfect spiral. It's not uncomfortable. to watch whatsoever. God bless you, but you are one of the worst athletes I've ever met in my life.

I can catch. I just can't throw. I'm decent to catch. Just awful athletes. I'll tell you what. So at my son's basketball tournament over the weekend, the refs at halftime were whipping a football back and forth and the court. And they were also sinking it.

You know, they were swishing this basketball. It's pretty impressive. These guys were throwing a football or a bat? Yeah, a football. Through the basket? Yeah, back and forth. two guys, right? They're great athletes. But they're throwing it into the basket. Yes. Okay. And so I just thought like, please God, don't let that ball come over to me. By the way,

I have three assists in that tournament because the basketball kind of kept coming my way. But I was afraid that what if the ball comes, I'm going to have to like walk the ball over to the guy because I can't throw it in front of all these. Don't you dare ever throw a football in public. Trust me, I was thinking ahead like, okay, if it comes my way, do I underhand it? Or do I just walk it over? Josh, if you are, and this is so odd to me, but if you are at a basketball tournament and a football lands in your hands. Yeah, I'd never seen that before.

If that happens, you hold on to that football, you call me. I will drive to the basketball tournament. I walk in the building, you hand me the football, and I will throw it to whoever it belongs to. I would appreciate that. I don't need your pride being shattered and things like. Thank goodness I was sitting next to this four-year-old girl. And I just said, hey, if the ball comes this way, please throw it to these people. Somebody needs to know how to throw a spiral.

So, yeah, we ball dudes, you know, we'll throw the leg for you in the sack, they say. We're better at sex. We are low maintenance. You don't got to worry about us being low, low sensitive characters. I think I've asked you guys this before. Oh, I was thinking, like, showering-wise, like hygienic. Well, let me read further. Um, okay.

Right. I took that wrong. When I read low maintenance, I thought they meant, you know, we're not little sensitive characters that, uh, you know. They meant grooming. They mean grooming. So what does it say here? Yeah. Um, we're not worrying about our appearance as much as other men might.

You were saying? Yeah, I think I've asked you guys this before, but do you wash your head? Yeah. Shampoo and conditioner? I just use, like, everything from head to balls to everything. It's all the same thing. Bar soap only, of course. Bar soap only.

Oh, because we're men. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I still rub some mixture of soap and water on my skull. Yes. Okay. So you're not saving money, technically. Oh, yeah, we're saving money. I mean, because I don't have, like, specialized shampoo.

I've got a $1.7 bottle of body wash. Oh, all right. And it goes all over. It's like haircuts. I mean, I can't even imagine how much money I've saved on haircuts. Haircuts. 26 years of not needing a haircut. You're missing out on that conversation, though, Josh.

Maybe can I just pay to go talk? I think that's called therapy. A lot of those people really like to talk. Oh, absolutely. I mean, finally here in this report on what makes bald men like Josh and I so ungodly attractive. The last little element here is really strange, and I'm not sure why it was included with the rest of the information.

We're also, Josh, less likely to develop testicular tumors. That's great in everything. What the hell is that doing in the same article is how we can have sex better and we're great athlete? Oh, also, you're not going to get a cancer lump on your nuts. Fair enough. You'll take it, obviously. Everyone goes home a winner, I guess.

Everyone. That's all there is to that right there. What else is going on, Cubby? Seriously, though, how do you throw a spiral? I mean, I think I have... You got to let it go, dude. I get the grip right. You got to let it go.

You know what, Josh, when you take your son to those football camps, and you should say he took him to Jordan Addison's football camp, maybe you should just sign up too and kind of go through the lessons with them to kind of learn some of these things? Yeah, you know what? I probably could use the help. Just call me. I've been taught.

It just doesn't work. Is it possible? I'm too manly to throw a spot. Probably. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, God.

Andrew DePaula, Purple Pickham. I mentioned that, didn't I? Randy Schaver, Bradrider. I'll be good to talk to Depot. Oh, sure. Sure. He's always a fun person to jaw jack with. True.

Sluts, too. We can talk a little bit about sluts. You don't got to wait on that. We can cover it right now. Dana was saying that one of his gal friends recently was complaining about, and this mirrors a conversation that Josh and I have had many times on this radio program. You have a gal friend who was saying recently that sluts have it too easy these days? She did.

She went on a big rant about it, specifically about sending, you know, nudes or thirst traps and whatnot, because she says, gals these days, they have their iPhone 17s, they have their ring lights, They can send a Snapchat to multiple guys at once. They have filters. They can make it look all great. But back in her day, she'd have to go take the family's digital camera after her parents went to bed, go down in the unfinished basement bathroom with one light bulb, try to look sexy, upload the photos onto the family computer, email them to a guy, and then double, triple check that she deleted them from the camera, from the computer. process. And make sure you empty the recycling bin to make sure that all evidence was gone.

Do you think she could send us photos from then and now just for comparison, just to see how much easier it is nowadays? Yeah. And she's just like, they got it too easy. She's like, back when I was a slut, you had to work for it. Yeah, that's doing way too much. I would not have been a nude taker if I had to go through with that many steps. A nude taker.

I'll take it. It's the same conversation, really. I agree with her. same conversation that Josh and I have had about, you know, the young fellas these days with all those apps and whatnot. Tinder, wasn't that the one that was famous? Yeah, I told you when my oldest and his buddies were, when Tinder first was a thing, you know, some of them are bragging about the action they're getting and I had to sit

him down and tell them. That was my first old guy speech. You guys don't even know what it's like. We had to go first and foremost, you had to go find them. Right. So everybody had to guess where are they going to be? Then you had to wait out all this competition and stuff. Their mode is just they message somebody and go, sup.

And it was like ordering a pizza after that. Now, people have told us since then it's a little bit different, but that doesn't even count. I was actually frustrated by that. Yeah, you had to go out. You had to meet someone person. You had to get a phone number on a napkin or something and then try not to lose it

and then hope that it's an actual real number and that they might answer. And pray their parents didn't answer? Yeah. Yeah, but they're bragging about it. Like they know anything. By the way, somebody says to throw a spiral, I have to use both hands. Okay, I'll get that a shot. Oh, no.

That's good advice. I'd like to see that. Well, bowlers evolved into two-handed throwers. Maybe it's time for football. Oh, are they really using two hands? Oh, it's crazy to see that. Like, are you watching it on TV? I try to catch bowling on television as often as I can.

I think I'd be embarrassed. Well, they're not. I mean, this is, I can't remember when two-handed bowling. first became a thing, but no, I mean, is it because their lanes are different than average lanes? Their lanes are different than average lane. Well, you know, like on the average one, you've got those

bars on the sides, so it kind of keeps the balls going? Yeah, the rails? Yeah. And do they have those kind of like little slides? No, no. These are professional bowlers, Josh. There's no rails. I'm trying to think of all my bowling experience. There's no fun little pink slide that the ball goes down. They just Two-handed bowling.

You haven't seen two-handed bowling? No. There's got to be a Josh's mom joke in here somewhere. Yeah, something about holes or something. Oh, God, they put just a ton of snooost on that ball. I'm still a fan. So they don't put their fingers in the ball. That sounded dirty.

They just hold on the Yonzo. I believe they might have a thumb. Who started that? I mean, there's like. The guy that I remember seeing very first two-handed bowler at the professional level was Jason Belmonte. Okay. Yeah, you're right.

I looked it up and you are correct? I've never seen that before. And I don't know what fingers are. Two fingers are inserted into the holes and the thumb is left out. Word. Yeah, she's looking it up. So there you go. Oh, yeah, you got to check that out.

So maybe that would be the one and only way that you can throw a proper football. Yeah, two-handed. I think that would be the only way I could look more ridiculous. Picturing that is way too fun. It's true, though, like when my boys were younger in football, I'd have to, like, go find a secluded area to toss the ball back and forth. And I'll tell you what, when they got old enough to realize it was frustrating, they let me know.

Oh, I bet. Two-handed bowlers, according to our listing audience, who have texted in this morning, generate more RPMs. Is that right? I'll go along with it. I'll go along with it. So there you friggin' go. You know, it's kind of like they always talk about in basketball,

how underhanded free throws are more successful, statistically, but still everyone's kind of too embarrassed to do it. Wasn't there a college kid that was doing that not too long ago? Every year there's one or two kids at the college level who are still doing the granny shot. A friend of mine, his son does the granny shot, and he's, I mean, very, very successful at it, but even, you know, as a dad, he's a little embarrassed. This is like a 14-year-old kid?

No, he's, I'm going to guess 11. Oh. Yeah. He's embarrassed. He is. He's embarrassed. I could understand. Anything going on this weekend?

No, nothing. Oh, that feels good to say. Yard work. Yeah, yard work, unfortunately. I'll be out there myself as well. I did end up getting one of those leaf suckers yesterday that we were talking about it, and it's been working great. Those leaf vacuums?

One of my neighbors had a company come out and vacuum his lawn. I was joking about it with a neighbor. yesterday. I'm like, geez, it looks like Scott vacuumed his lawn over there. And he's like, well, he did. He had a company come out and they actually vacate. It's perfect. It looks like carpet. So, I mean, I can't imagine what that would cost. Probably

way too much. Dana was talking about this yesterday. He was going to go buy a little leaf vacuum. I told them not to because the one that I bought. It clogs so easily. It just became a pain in the ass. But you had some luck, huh? I did. Yeah, well, I talked to a buddy who does yard work for a living. He said, with your

yard the size of it and the fact that leaves aren't wet, it'll work perfectly for you. You look ridiculous because you look like a ghostbuster with the thing on your back, you know. I've never thought of a ghostbuster is looking ridiculous. I always thought they... I was kind of a person with a micro penis thing to say right there. Oh my gosh, I completely forgot to tell you guys. Speaking of yard work, I was gifted a torch. Oh, you got one now.

Yeah, I am so excited. I can't wait to burn stuff. having your own blowtorch is nothing but laughs My husband seems a little nervous about the situation Oh, you have an open flame? Yeah, no, I can't imagine why he would be worried about that. And your temper. Yeah.

Like the time, Ashley, I saw you moving. I came by right at the tail end, the last like five minutes of you moving out of your house. I came by the last five minutes to help because that's how generous I am. Yeah, I think you put a lamp in there. I put a lamp in the truck, but all of a sudden you're like, oh, I forgot something. You come running out holding a rifle.

It was the most terrifying thing I've ever seen in my life. The safety was on. It was like, oh, God, it was ducked and covered. She knows what she's doing. So you were sucking up all the leaves yesterday. Everything went all right. Yeah, it's kind of fun. It's kind of oddly satisfying, too.

Yeah, it is. How long did it take you? I only did it for a little bit. I had a lot of stuff to do yesterday. I'm going to tackle more of it today. But just the first 15 minutes, I got almost half the yard done real quickly. Nice. You got to get her done.

I borrowed my brother's backpack blow. and I feel like a stud with that on there. Well, I was embarrassing at first, Josh. I was wondering if any of the neighbors saw it because I'm sucking up these leaves and you got the backpack on. I didn't realize that you had to cinch it, you know? So basically I was like, they were mulching the leaves.

I was sucking them up. They were mulching. They were just shooting out the backpack behind me. I wish I would have seen that. I know. And I was like, oh, this is great. You forgot to put the bag on? I had the bag on, but I didn't cinch like the top of it.

I was basically just mulching leaves and they were just blowing out. behind me. Everything you were sucking up just ended up two or three feet behind you. Local 34 Jesus has a suggestion. You just get a leaf blower, right? And then you blow all the leaves under the neighbor's yard. Well, that's the thing I get frustrated about

because none of the leaves in our yard are from trees that are on our property. You know, that's how it goes sometimes. Yeah, we were just talking about that. I have that problem. You might want to look at the text machine, Dana. People are texting you. They want to know what brand you got and what it cost. And one person actually on the text machine, is calling you Diana.

I love that. Voice detect. I want to straighten that person out. Been called a lot worse than that. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good.

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Bealkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hey, I'm Chris Van Fleet. Go behind the scenes and beyond the headlines with the biggest names in pro wrestling and beyond. Jeff Jarrett, great to see you. In this business, the story behind the scenes,

so much more entertaining than what you see on camera. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is. is Paul Heyman. Mr. Heyman. You are a master at the little things. That's how you turn good into great. What does it take to achieve greatness? Whatever it takes I'm willing to do.

That's an Emmy winning performance. How about it? Insight with Chris Van Fleet. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah, the stupid news.

We're going to get her going here with a scary story out of Australia. Nobody should have to deal with something like this here. Let me try to piece this together for you, Cubby. A completely insane woman, probably on bathtub dope. She broke into a married couple's house out of nowhere's swinging around to scissors, looking to kill everybody in the house. That's not cool. This happened early in the morning, too, right away in the morning.

All there was in the house was a married couple. So here comes this crazy lady, into the house, break at dawn, swinging his scissors around, looking to kill anybody who crosses her path. This married couple had just come to, they'd just woken up, and here she comes. What makes this nightmare stupid newsworthy is if you see the home security camera footage, the husband of the house fights off the killer lunatic lady while wearing a tiny set of speedo-looking drawers. I mean, he's a bigger boy. Yes, it's a good look. And he's wearing a pair of drawers for a third grader.

This is up on 93X.com. Appreciate that. He looks ridiculous. He does. look ridiculous. This is why I sleep fully clothed, because if somebody broke in, I'd be too embarrassed to run out there in underwear. I'd have to get dressed. What do you have on when you hit the old sack? I like to wear like business casual. Do you wear the back, the underwears and the basketball shorts and a t-shirt? A polo, maybe some slacks. What do you wear? Yeah, just pretty

much what I'm wearing right now. You wear your underwear and your basketball shorts and a t-shirt. Yeah, and socks. I hate to bring this up. Oh my gosh. That's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's Honestly, the weirdest part of that holds her thing. I hate to bring this up because I know it grosses you out, Josh, but... Is this a sex thing related to you? Because I should take my headphones off? No, no, no. It's even worse, I think.

Dana, you'd be screwed. They'd have nudes of you. Do you still sleep nude? Yeah. Oh, what? Dana sleeps completely naked. Right. So you're saying if this happened to Dana, he'd be naked on the internet. I have thought about that where I had to get in a...

Some of you there's an intruder in the house. and I got to fight them naked or something. Or I got to run out of the house completely naked. That'd be... Like if there's a fire? Yeah, that'd be ugly. Well, maybe you'd have better luck with an intruder because nobody wants to mess with a naked dude.

Right. Yeah, they take one look at me naked. They go, no, no, nothing in this house could possibly be worth it. He's got enough trouble based on his physique here. So you've got to check out this character. It's pretty funny. The husband. The body type makes it even better.

He looks like an old AWA restaurant. Yeah, I mean, facial hair, everything. He's got a big old barrel. You know, he's a bigger boy. Kind of a wild head of gray hair, big old gray goatee. He looks as if he was recently spray-tanned. He looks like he'd be fun to drink with. Yeah, I bet he can put away a case of Australian beer before you can say Dick Tracy.

But he's got this tiny little pair of drawers on. He just looks silly. Truth is, tiny there. and his wife, they had to fight like hell to keep this escaped mental patient lady from gutting them both. They say she had superhuman strength, and that's those bathtub drugs, I would imagine. They make you as strong as a mountain gorilla, at least for a little while. The wife, by the name of Jane, Mr. Tiny Droars, he goes by Steve. Jane is the wife.

Jane said, I mean, imagine this. She said, I got out of bed. I left the bedroom, probably going to take a leak or something, and she sees this complete stranger lady standing in the hallway holding his scissors. Uh-oh. Heck no. That's a rude awakening. Jane called the cops.

Steve, like I said, dressed as an out-of-work Chippendale's dancer. He sat on her head. He had to wrestle with this unhapingale. hinged crackhead lady for quite a stretch of time. He sat on her head for about 25 minutes. The police showed up. The crazy lady was arrested. She had meth stashed in her beaver.

Yowsers. That's one place of keep it. That's one, they should, in those dare programs, bring that up to kids. You know, drugs a lot of times are stashed in beavers and beholes. That would keep me away. This guy, two words, no bulge. That's the other thing I'd worry about. Everybody knows he's not got much there.

You took a look and he doesn't have much of a bowl. Yeah, I always start there when I'm looking at a person. Do you zoom in and everything? Yeah, there's some analysis done. It's very cold up there in Australia. Very cold this time of year. Any of you's ever taken a ride on a ferry? Maybe up there in the windy city of Duluth.

Have you taken a ride on a ferry boat? I have. Yes. Yeah, me too. Yeah, it was just at the Niagara Falls. I think that would call it as a ferry. Yeah? The big old boat that they swing you through going underneath the waterfall and bring you back?

Those are a lot of fun, just like getting on a ferry in general. I don't know. It always gets me all excited. I think it's fun when you first get on there, and then after a while I find it quite boring. I mean, this was 45 years ago, probably. Up in Duluth, we took a ferry boat ride. God knows where. Lots of Oceanside towns and such have ferries.

Kind of cool. You can drive cars onto some of those pigs. a big-ass ferry boat in France or someplace like that. They accidentally played a porno movie on their little video screens. Well, that would entertain Josh then if he gets bored on fairies. I'm not much of a porn guy, but it would be some excitement. Sure. When you were setting there on the boat, waiting for the ferry to reach its destination,

they've got a lounge with little television screens that'll show you the local news or whatever. this one played some hardcore DVDA porno out of nowhere's. Some of the folks, it says here on the boat, were so grossed out, they were thinking about going straight into the drink. They were running for the exits, new guys in the corner puking his guts out. The ferry boat apologized for this. They feel terrible about the DVDA. The ferry boat crew didn't even notice that there was DVDA on the television.

They were busy doing whatever ferry boat workers do until they heard the screams. It says here to try and keep this from ever happening again. The ferry boat company has permanently removed that porno channel from their televisions. According to one witness... Kind of weird they had that on there in the first place. That's France, you know, I don't know.

Oh, yeah. Good point. They don't really understand. According to one witness, when the porno movie kicked in, This witness said kids were running away from the television while screaming. So it must have been a good one. That would not have been me. You'd been intrigued? I mean, that seems a little silly.

I can understand a kid being disturbed, but running while screaming. I think I'd be embarrassed if that was my kid. The same witness said, I didn't see it, but I could hear it. Oh. So they've straightened that issue out. They've eliminated that channel from their ferry boat. cable package or whatever the hell it might be. I suppose it's tough to get cable on a boat, but you know what I mean.

satellite, probably. Do you guys have a porn channel? No. They don't have cables anymore? Like Spice Channel? Is that a thing anymore? I've noticed it at hotels, yeah. Yeah, and I told you guys about my honeymoon when we were in Mexico. Which one?

Your new one? I'm not making a joke. No, yeah, the current one, the current marriage. We were in Mexico and I was just checking on the TV options. I was like, oh, okay, they got ESPN. and they've got TVS. Go up a channel. It's a woman on a boat,

getting servicing five guys at once. On a boat. It was just like in between channels. It wasn't like you had to search out like 9-99. It was just like right in the mix of all the other channels. In between PBS and ESPN. No, seriously, that was what it was like, Ashley. People must masturbate a lot at hotels because it seems like everyone, they all have that.

Oh, yeah. What else is there to do? Right. One plus maybe you want to put on a little show while you and. Your girlfriend and her girlfriend. You know what I'm talking about? Nice. I don't have any porn channels anymore, but...

Have you searched? Like you've actively looked it out? Yeah. I think when I first got this new setup, I'm not sure what it is, but when we first got it, I scrolled through every damn thing. What's fun at the neighborhood bar,

at my neighborhood bar, they still have cable. And when I had cable, I had this same option. There's eight or ten porn channels, but you have to pay. for them. Mm-hmm.

Right. So at our neighborhood bar every once in a while, someone will be sitting there and they'll say, hey, put it on the gopher hockey game, right? And then the bartender's got to scroll. He don't know where to find it, right? Especially these days. There's so many different channels that gopher hockey might be on.

So the bartender's got to sit there and thumb that remote, and eventually he will end up scrolling past the porno channels, which are available. So while we're sitting there, everybody gets a laugh because suddenly right there on a massive television, you have the option to order, you know, urinating cheerleaders part six or something, right? And the bartender always tries to go as fast as possible,

and there's always one swinging D at the bar that says, no, no, no, hold it right there. Let's go. Go back, too. Right. Runch from Ice Jesus said he used to do window cleaning and they'd go to assisted living in nursing homes to clean the windows. He walked into some old guy's room to clean his windows,

and he was watching a porno called Harry Bush 7. I don't like that. You know, I don't know if you noticed this. I intentionally said DVDA out loud three or four times hoping. Yeah, I was wondering what was going on there. I thought it was just a Nick thing.

None of you just want to ask me what that means? I honestly, you already know. Sometimes you just, you do stuff like that. You mispronounce things on purpose. Isn't that like gang bang porn? DVDA. Double vaginal, double anal. Yeah, so like a gangbank?

I don't even know how that's possible. Oh, it's possible. I'm not even talking about diameters. We'll send you some links. I'm not talking about diameters, but just working your way into that position. Yeah, you got to be. Do you have to be pretty good friends with the guy? Oh, for Pete's sake.

You've got to be best friends with the guy. Yeah. Like, he didn't just meet that day at, like, catering, right? Dude, that's true. How's that possible? It is a hell of a lot of legwork. Yeah. I don't mean that as like homework.

I'm talking about you need to have strong thighs. Like if Cubby and I were to get together, to work together, yeah. A lot of leg. I mean, you've got to be kind of big too, right? Because otherwise you have to be right up in there. Ashley, you're so good at drawing. We draw me a picture on how this would work out.

Yeah, I can try. Great visual head in into the weekend. I was just waiting for someone to ask me, you know, what that meant. And you guys let it slide. Josh, I'm stuck. I have no idea. I need to, like, look this up. I don't want to, but I have to look it up. I thought that just was a gang band.

I'll explain later. So I guess it kind of is. On a side note, I have no details on this. This is just a separate headline that I read. It says here, online porn that shows choking is going to become illegal. What the hell am I supposed to do on New Year's Eve? Online porn. porn that shows choking is going to become illegal.

Isn't that something? Some traditions are sacred. I can understand that. Yeah, it makes sense. You're talking about porn and bars, Nick. I was in New York City, about 10 years ago, visiting a buddy. And he said, do you want to go to the porn bar? And I said, sure.

I wasn't really sure what he meant by that. I thought it might be a nickname for a bar or just a funny name. We go in there, and it's your standard bar, you know, TVs and every corner and stuff, and all show in various different porno movies. Was it a porn night or is that their... No, that's just their thing. They just had different DVDs running on each TV and it was the porn bar.

Nick, that sounds like just heaven for you. I don't know. I mean... I would enjoy that. A friend of mine recently went to one of those joints in Texas. There's just hardcore porn running on the televisions all night long. You guys wouldn't feel kind of weird with, you know, just walking in there. There's a bunch of strangers in there.

It depends who else is in there, like the demographic. If it's like a bunch of old timers, I'm probably going to turn around and leave. For some reason, that seems more weird than a strip club to me. It certainly would be weird. Oh, absolutely. Maybe just because it's less common. Absolutely would it be weird. I'm not going to sit there all friggin' night, but that sounds like a riot to me, at least for an hour or so.

Yeah, Josh. And when I was there, my experience, it wasn't like people were glued to it. You know, it was kind of just like background TVs, you know, or like they might just have a game on. Somebody might look up like, oh, hey, look, they just hit a home run, you know. So kind of just funny? Yeah. It was more kind of for laughs and just, you know, interesting of this. Josh, here's what I'd do if I walked into the porno bar.

All by myself, I'd sit down next to another dude, drink one beer, wouldn't say a word. Guy next to me wouldn't communicate with him at all at first. But then at one point when we're watching the porn movie together, I'd nudge this complete stranger next to me and I'd say, hey, I think this dude's about ready to pop. Oh, gross. Just to see what kind of reaction. What do you think, bro? I think this dude up here is about ready to let it ride. I'll take a corona and a bottle of lotion.

Yeah, I've heard about those porno bars. Never been to one. But yeah, Josh, I'm not going to sit there all night and play. I'm not putting any of my money into the meat raffle. But an hour or two, that sounds like a lot of laughs. Yeah, no shared bowl of peanuts. I'm not putting my hand in there. Yeah.

Hey, bud. I don't think they're really brother and sister. What do you think? The bathrooms always occupied. I won't give you any spoilers, but I know how this one ends. I've seen this one before. All right, now I'm not terribly familiar with this character, but with the popularity of all that true crime, this and that,

with the popularity of all the movies and documentaries about serial killers these days, I'm going to go ahead and assume that some of you know a guy from back in the day who went by the nickname of the Golden State Killer. Yes. Certainly. Didn't ring a bell for me. Sweetly.

Didn't ring a bell for me. I mean, I remember the Zodiac. He was a Northern California guy. I don't remember the Golden State Killer. At any rate, the real name of that piece of garbage is Joseph DiAngelo. It says here he terrorized. California in the 70s and 80s.

He upped and murdered 13 people. He raped 50. He wasn't caught into the year of 20 and 18 after being identified by crime scene DNA. It all sounds very interesting. Now, I think he should have just been hit over the head with a steel dildo and killed instantly. No, I want him to suffer.

You do? Mm-hmm. He is now currently serving a life sentence without parole. A book has been written about this disgusting bastard. Joe DiAngelo. The book is called The People v. the Golden State Killer, written by a dude called Thien Ho. Mr. Ho, I believe, is the district attorney of Sacramento County in California.

Now, this might explain, everything right here. This might explain the Golden State Killer's behavior. If you read the book, the people versus the Golden State Killer, it says that Joe DiAngelo, the killer,

has a microdick. Ha! Loser. They should do that with every evil character in history, don't you think? If they could just change one person from going into the evil business going, well, they're going to say have a micro penis. Maybe I'll just get a job.

at Office Max. Office Max. That's just the first business. I'm sorry, Office Max. It's the first business that popped in my head. Yeah, I was just at Office Max a couple days ago. I don't know why you got. Were you really?

Yeah. The wife was buying. I'm sorry to suggest that's the only alternative. It's just the first name that popped into my head. The Golden State Killer, according to this book that was written about him, has a micro penis. The book goes into great detail on how teeny tiny, tiny this dude's little pecker is.

It's just like 10 pages about his tiny penis. Great detail. The book says it's, quote, smaller than a pinky finger. There's a whole list of things that's smaller than. Yeah. Okay, we get it. The author, Mr. Howe, he recalls how how how a police photographer was instructed

to take pictures of DeAngelo's pecker from multiple angles. Why, I have no idea. Well, I wonder if the victims had said, you know, he had a micro penis. Mm-hmm. And so they're going to double check that. As the story goes,

the photographer got on his knees to take pictures of DeAngelo's wad. The photographer got frustrated at one point because he couldn't get a good picture of this poor bastard's unit because it was so shriveled and puny. Apparently, during this episode, one detective who was in the room even threw up his hands

in the air out of frustration and said, there's nothing there! The photographer and the detective, who were assigned to take pictures of this man's penis and balls, were just wildly frustrated because they could not have. get a big, pardon me, they could not get a decent picture. The book says that DiAngelo, oh God help us, had to spread his legs and pull back the foreskin. Oh. So the boys could get a decent looking D-pick. Word is, it was, quote, smaller than the circumference of a dime. Dude. Man. And its length is equal to the tip of your pinky. Wait, wait, wait. Do you. Did you say a dime?

A dime. How do you even urinate? I mean, you got to sit down, right? Yeah, you got to sit down. What a little bitch. And he'd have to live in a warm climate. My goodness. If you stand it to pee, you got to use a roach clip to kind of help aim it.

Yeah, you get some forceps. So, I guess, where they're going with all this, where some people go with all this, is maybe it was his, little useless pee-pee that made him so awful and murderous. Yeah, maybe. Although I hate mine and I've never been a violent person. But shoot. You were taught to hate your penis.

I was. And you need to shake that. I can't. I don't think I'll ever get that. I'm not trying to be cute by saying shake that. You were taught to hate your penis. Catholicism did that to you. runs from ice cheese

this is checked back in and you know on the idea of having a circumference of your penis, a girth of less than a dime, he goes, whew, I got a nickel.

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