93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): Frozen Puke, Bruised Coccyx

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The half-assed morning show backtracks. It's Monday. It's early. You're a hell of a crowd.

Appreciate you hanging out with us. We've made our way all the way up to 831. I mean, come on. It's Monday. I wanted nothing to do with this. I think it's gone by really fast. Yeah, I think it has, Cubby. Kind of weirdly fast, actually.

It's been a little weird. It's been a little fast. Why has it been going so fast? Before we completely move on from the topic of owning a ferret, the text messages keep rolling in. We were talking about ferret legging is a sport in England where you've got to take off your underwear and you put your pants back on and you tie the legs at the bottom of your pants

and you drop two, three ferrets down your trousers. And you see how long you can last with those sum bitches scrambling around, biting you all over the whatever they do, right? we're still getting text messages from ferret owners. One dude lost a nipple. Oh, no. Ferret bit a nipple off for him. Another gal said her ferret snuck up on her while she was playing with herself.

Oh, no. Lucky ferret. Snuck up on her while she was playing with herself and it bit her right on the elbow. And it was right at the moment of truth that her ferret. bitter on the elbow skin, and it ruined the moment and she had to start all over again. One of those ruined orgasm things I've heard about. Yeah, okay. Tell me more. What stories have you heard about ruined orgasms? A buddy of mine was telling me there's a whole fetish out there where people, they get you there,

and then they're like, no, you can't have an orgasm, and they stop you by punching you in the fate, or whatever they do, I don't know. Wow. My fear would be I'd get bit in the elbow in the middle of that sinful act. And also, But when I realized I can't achieve the goal unless I get bit by something. I have to be attacked by a wild animal to make it work. Yeah, you get used to it. That whole throwing the ferret down your pants. If you miss the details, you've got to, like, cinch the bottom of your,

you know, by the ankles there so it can't escape. You can't wear any underwear. No underwear. I mean, I'd love the attention down there for once. You know, it's infrequent. But what if it bites or scratch? That could do some serious damage to a guy. Or a gal, I guess.

Yeah. You cannot drug the ferrets before you toss them down your pants. And there was one other rule in there. I can't remember. Now, certainly, Josh, everybody knows. Everyone's experienced a halted moment of passion, an interrupted moment of passion. Sometimes right at the moment of truth, sometimes a little before. But I had not heard yet.

Not that I'm surprised. But I had not heard yet that there is a fetish. for people who enjoy that halted orgasm. Yeah, my friend Bichnips was telling me that it's called the ruined orgasm. He knows all that stuff. It's dramatic. It's usually a punch in the mouth or a... I don't remember some of the details, but it was basically like it's always a woman ruining a gentleman.

I'll be. According to him. All right. Maybe he's listening. He can text in more detail. I'll look it up. I will. Yeah, if you...

No, it's not edging. People are saying it's edging. Because that's, I thought the same thing. This sounds very different than edging. It's like they ruin it on purpose. That's the whole bit. Right. Like, I control you type of thing. Right.

According to him. Okay. And trust me, I will look it up. So, there you go. Here we are six weeks out from Halloween. Josh loves Halloween. He decorates the yard up and down. He's got the scary music pumping out of the...

We don't need to get to talking about Halloween yet. Please. I still think there's too much of that. There's every holiday now. There's a month buildup. We don't need to get talking about Halloween, but it is six weeks out. They call it the creepiest, the spookiest time of the year.

Spooky season is what the kids like to use. I hate that. I hate that slogan. Is it aggravated? anybody else. I'm fine with it. Hate it. Okay, with it. Real quick to go back to that ruined orgasm story with the lady, she's taking care of herself, her ferret attacks, bites her in the elbow.

Yeah. I forgot this. You're right. That takes me back to my oldest son, camp, in sixth grade, where he learned that your elbow skin. Have you heard what this is called? It sounds familiar. It's a weenus. Oh, right. It's like a legitimate term.

Right. Well, maybe I shouldn't, at least it's called that a weanus. So the lady got bit in the weanus while she was pleasuring yourself. And your stepson, Cam! Yeah. When he heard that, did he have a hard time getting over it? Oh, yeah, we all did. He was pumping that joke.

He taught me that, and I thought, well, no, that's not. Oh, and then we looked it up, and lo and behold, it is a weanus. So Halloween, it's supposed to be spooky, creepy. According to this report I have in my hand, these following things none of them should be creepy but they are

someone asked people to name normal things that creep you out and you're not sure why are you following this everybody these are normal things that creep folks out and they're not sure why a chair that's still warm

from the person who was just sitting in it yeah sometimes that kind of does seem a little gross. I don't know about creepy, but... I don't know why. It shouldn't be, but... Ooh. Somebody's butt heat is still there. Sometimes I'm surprised by the heat.

Yeah. Yeah, you almost wonder what's going on with them. My dogs, it's like that. If they're, like, laying on the couch or something and you sit there, it's crazy hot. Something normal that's oddly creepy, leading off with a chair that's still warm from the person who was just sitting in it. Sometimes a decent amount of time can go by. You, like, say you're approaching a bar stool from a long ways away, right?

Or a chair at an airport or something. And you see someone get out of that chair, and you tell yourself, oh, that looks like a good spot to sit. Quite a bit of time goes by. You sit down, and there's still a lot of heat coming off that chair. Your friendly neighborhood garbage man, Jesus said, you might as well just press your butt up against theirs. Gross.

Sure. Okay. people who smile with wide eyes is included here in the conversation on something normal that's oddly creepy. I just don't think I see or notice a lot of that. So I'd have to come back to you on that one. People who smile with wide eyes. How about when you're having a one-on-one conversation with someone and the person keeps saying your name? Great point, Josh.

I know what you mean, Josh. I always think they're mad at me in some way or they are, like, belittling me in some way. Sure. And I've noticed there's in interviews. Folks sometimes will do that to the interviewer. They'll just say, thank you so much, Josh for that. Josh, Josh, Josh. Yeah, for whatever reason that does kind of creep me out.

I'm always suspicious. Like, nobody talks that way in real life, Nick. True. I sometimes imagine that they're trying to remember my name by repeating it over and over again. Oh, to kind of lock it in? Yeah, yeah. That's, I guess, an... That could be a good trick.

That's a good point. That's an innocent thought, I guess. I imagine if someone's talking to me and they keep saying my name during the conversation, they're trying to remember it. And I appreciate that. But maybe there is what aggravates me is... is when someone is telling a story and they claim that whoever they were talking to, I think I just have to say it out loud to explain it because it's hard to explain.

Like, Josh, I will tell you, hey, you know, I had a conversation with Dana the other day. And you'll be like, yeah. And, yeah, and Dana said, hey, look, Nick, this. Yeah. Hey, Nick, that. And then he said to me, he looked at me and said, Nick, there's something about that delivery. You know what I'm talking about? Oh, I know exactly what you're saying.

That it all sounds so phony to me. And you know when I've noticed it the most? Celebrities. Yes, exactly. When somebody meets a celebrity, so you can say that celebrity knows my name. Right. There's something about that approach, that delivery that sounds so phony to me. Because like Josh said, you don't, it's not normal to constantly be repeating someone's name in a face-to-face personal

conversation. It's especially obvious, right. Hey, you know, I met Angus Young from ACDC a couple nights ago. Yeah, you tell the story. And when I left, he said, you know, Nick, I'll always remember this. Or you know, Nick, have a good night. No, he didn't. He did not say your name. Something that's normal, that's oddly creepy when your cat or dog is staring at the corner of a room. You immediately think it's ghosts. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, for sure. I, I, never think I believe in ghosts, but I always worry a little bit about ghosts. So definitely, when the dogs are doing something like that, I do get a little nervous. Especially if they go absolutely insane.

If there's not an intruder, I'm more nervous thinking, oh God, it's some sort of possession. You're in trouble. I guess I have had that thought before when the dog or cat is staring at the ceiling or staring at the corner of a room. I do wonder what it is they're doing. I don't always think ghosts. Well, I rarely think ghosts, but I do wonder what is drawing them to this empty corner or that spot on the ceiling? To go back a little bit here with using the names. This text says, my sister-in-law uses first names on athletes as if she knows them personally.

Oh, God, no. That reminded me. I know someone who will be, they'll go like this. Yeah, I had trouble at the hotel yesterday, so I was talking to Mary. And she told me exactly, I'm like, wait, who's Mary? Oh, the front desk lady. So they always do that to me to show I made a personal connection with whoever this person is. It's so odd how some people operate.

It really is. Any children's lullaby if it's sung too slowly? Oh, yeah, that's what they do in movie trailers, right? Always. Yeah. Lullaby or just a regular song. It'll be like a tortured-sounding lady singing it, and they just stretch it out. change the key, make it from a major to a minor key, and then do it real slow.

That's every movie now. I shouldn't say that. But a lot of them, that's kind of how it happens. Now, not that this is a regular children's lullaby, but the Freddie Kruger song. Yeah. I mean, what if they sang it all upbeat in the Freddie Kruger movies? You wouldn't be scared. One, two, Freddy's coming for you.

Three, four, better lock the door. And you'd expect them to show up like, hey, guys. No. A couple of wounds in hand. You have to sing it slowly. The singer has to sound pained in the process. There must be an echo because they're in a like some kind of a, you know, they're lost in the dark universe. Playgrounds at night are normal, of course, but it's creepy every time.

Playgrounds at night, especially if there's a swing set. Yeah, it's a little eerie. Yep, I agree with that. Mascots. I'm never creeped out by mascots. I'm a big mascot. a mascot fan, but they say here are especially ones with dead eyes and a fixed smile.

Some people struggle with mascots. I've heard from people who don't like it. They don't like the giant oversized head. They don't like the eyes. They don't like the... I get it. One thing that was eerie about mascots for me one time was I saw the mascot costume without the mascot in it.

And it almost just looked like the thing died. And its soul had like left its body or something. You know, just the... You struggled with that? Yeah, it was kind of like, it's kind of off-putting, you know? You're like, oh, no. Brewers in High Life, Jesus said when your pet staring at a wall of the ceiling, it generally means to have a rodent you in your wall.

Well, that's worse than a ghost. Yeah, they can hear the little scratchy scratch. They can smell. Oh, I've heard that before in the walls for sure. That's scarier than a ghost to you. Yeah. We're planning on just closing her eyes and hitting the gas pedal and hoping for the best. We got company dropping by later.

Television star Janelle Klein, along with former Division III athlete and world-class. entertainer C. Willie Miles. And, of course, Ashley's incredibly thirsty breast pump. Again, we'll make an appearance around 730 or so. It went really well yesterday. I thought so, too. And you know what, Josh? You know this is true.

I've shared airtime with live human beings over the years who were a lot less interesting than a battery-operated milk pump. Yeah, I know. I could probably come up with a couple of names. So I don't mind I don't mind that the breast pump is part of the program I've shared airtime with worse How you feeling right now?

I don't know I'm a little tired I'm sorry I meant Ashley But I am curious You use something to eat what? Sure well you don't like to eat this early in the morning It's strange to me He decided to wake up a little bit earlier today

Ah so you're feeling not so burdened The kid Yeah I woke up at 2.30 this morning So as long as I can make it past, he can make it past 2 a.m. Then I'll be all right. Because that guarantees at least four hours. Mom needs your sleep.

Yeah, but then once you're up, it's way too difficult to go back to sleep. You guys know this. Yeah, I suppose. Well, maybe I don't know that. No, you're pretty good at that. If you accidentally woke me up at 2 o'clock in the morning? Yeah.

Oh, yeah, I could go back to sleep. Yeah, but what if you had to do like an accident? activity. Like, you know, like, I got to feed him and then I have to pump after feeding him. I can't still go back to sleep. Really? Oh, lucky. I can't risk that. Yeah, my wife's like you where she'll wake up to pee. And, uh, because all of a sudden, I'll see the glow of her phone if she's scrolling TikTok or playing Candy Crush or something like that. No, actually, after that, she's done. What I did this morning since I was up is I watched those two new episodes of Chad Powers.

Oh, God. Okay. Is it dumb or is it? It's hilarious. Is it really? Yeah, I was having to like hide my laughter, like laugh into a pillow so I didn't wake up my husband and the baby because it's good. I love it. Now, Dana was telling me there's a particular cameo. Hock to do it. In the first five minutes of the first episode.

They decided to throw the Haktua girl in there. I was like, you got to be kidding me. It's kind of late. It is. It's done at this point. Big time. As if I couldn't already hate the idea. of this show anymore.

Now you tell me that that friggin gal showed up in the first five minutes of episode one. Forget it. It's like before they even establish any characters, like, there's the Hawk toa girl. That was her big lead in. I was like, come on.

Do they reference her or did you just recognize her? No, they reference her. So they bring up who she is. So the Chad Powers character is kind of acting like a big shot at this club and he calls her Hawk. And she's like, I have a name, by the way. You know, that type of thing. Haley Welch, Dana.

Gosh. You were watching the new program last night, the Chad Powers show. Yeah. I definitely recommend it. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't know anything about the television show. I just know that the bit, you know, the origin of this show was that bit that

bit that Eli Manning pulled off a couple of times, which I just thought was the weakest, stupidest effing prank I'd ever seen in my life. Just odd more than anything. Yeah. It was just so dumb. I mean, they didn't even make any effort with the name. Mm-hmm. Right?

Because at the time, they already had that television show with Kenny Powers. Yep. And then they go ahead. The Eli Manning thing, I guarantee they worked it out in 10 minutes, right? So anyway, when I heard about the show being based on Chad Powers, I immediately said, oh, for Christ's sake, please. Because my only reference is what Eli Manning put together. I don't know what the television show is about if it's really seriously based on the original.

Who cares? So you think it's funny. Yeah. Dana, what were your thoughts? It's dumb, but in a funny way, in a funny way, for sure. You know, like, I'm watching it. I'm like, I shouldn't be enjoying this as much as I am, but I did enjoy it. I do like Glenn Powell.

I do, too. Although he's becoming the new Chris Pratt where he seems to be in everything. Yeah, that's a good point. Well, I was excited because, I mean, Glenn Powell. Hubba, hubba. Word. But he obviously has like a fake face situation. So I kind of killed it because they make him ugly.

I was thinking about that last night too, Ashley, because there's a movie called She's the Man with Amanda Bines in it. And she plays like a dude soccer player the whole time. Like one of the most beautiful women at the time Amanda Binds. And they had her just dressed up as a guy playing soccer the whole movie. It's kind of a waste. Don't do that to me. Well, I'm glad you guys are enjoying the new Chad Powers.

program. I am. You know, not everything is for everybody. What a diplomatic way to phrase that. I'm becoming more diplomatic. That's what I'm going for. Okay, so what else is going on around here? We got, oh, did you hear about this new

work trend? Tell me how you'd feel if this made its way into our building. We already got a breast pump here for Christ. You know. By the way, Coors Light. We might as well keep going. Coors Light and Copenhagen, Jesus, recommends that we come up with a name for the breast pump.

Oh, yeah. That's a great idea. Yeah, let's come up with something. So far, he recommends Seymour. Seymour? Seymour. Like Seymour boobs? Well, it's spelled like the name,

so I don't know if that's the joke. Yeah, like we'd like to see more or what. The pump is a mom-cozy pump. I don't know if there's anything there. What about Donald Pump? That was just my first try. I understand. Yeah.

Just trying to... You got to start somewhere. Stay current. Trying to stay current. What about this? What if this crept into the works around here? No shoes at work. I've seen it.

You have? Yeah, certainly. We worked with a guy who didn't like to wear shoes. Oh, oh, right. I guess I was thinking more, Josh, widespread, you know, widespread. I've seen it with salespeople here when they're sitting in their cubicles. mostly the women, you know, getting out of their uncomfy shoes, definitely seen that around here.

But not like anybody walking around, probably because of how gross our floors are. That has something to do with it. In the last month or two of my pregnancy, there was a lot of times where I wasn't wearing shoes because I had a messed up foot. We're not going with Pumpy Mick Pumpface. Stop it.

I should have seen it approaching, and I did not. Nothing with the Mick Pump face and Pumpy Mick that, No, we're not going. Forest Pump is a decent one. I like that one. People are texting and what we should name Ashley's breast pump, which is a great idea. We're going up with a good one. So the new gimmick going around, no shoes at work.

You're either barefoot or you're in your socks. Oh, the barefoot. That's too far. Yeah, you know, we've covered. It kind of says you're a free spirit, right? A little hippie-dippy. I suppose, yeah. Like if there's like your stereotypical corporal.

individual, right? Your power business person walking around without shoes or socks that looked kind of weird compared to one of your more free-spirited coworkers. Yet it used to scream hippie if you were walking around without your shoes and socks on, and that was certainly the case with the dude that Josh was referencing a couple minutes ago. 30 years ago, 25 years ago, we worked with a guy who would quite openly walk around the building in just his bare feet. Very hairy feet. This dude grew hair in places where you shouldn't.

And even the tops of his feet had some, I mean, more than just a little bit of hair down there. Yeah, it was something to see. Oh, here's a good one from a listener on the breast pump. Sir milks a lot. That's great. It's pretty good. It's pretty good. So Fortune Magazine did a son.

story. A couple other websites did a story and says this is happening. The hot new trend is no shoes being worn. I mean, an office setting, obviously, if you've got a real job where shoes, work beats, work beats isn't a thing, where shoes and work boots are necessary. This is an office type of a setting we're talking about. kind of seems like something that would happen in Silicon Valley. It's some of those startup companies, you know, those tech companies.

Like at Google or something? Yeah. That's exactly what is happening here, Dana. Well, first off, it says here more and more companies are banning shoes at work. You can wear socks, you can wear slippers, or you can go barefoot, leave your shoes at the door. and it's to make the office feel more relaxed and collaborative. It makes people less anxious. And then they specifically mentioned tech companies in Silicon Valley

have been doing this for years and years and years and years. Yeah, where they have like nap pods and things like that. Ping pong tables and kagorators in the kitchen because we're the cool, quirky company. We don't have stairs. We have slides we go down. My God. Sounds like fun. I love going without shows. You know that.

So I would be totally cool if we walked in tomorrow and the boss said, hey, look, no shoes allowed. I'd say, hell yeah. The rest of years wouldn't be so excited about me walking around without shoes and socks because my feet are obscene. They're disgusting. They're awful. But I'd be totally cool with this.

I go as long as I can without putting on shoes and socks. I'm the opposite. This guy that we worked with who would walk around barefoot, he would, like, outdoors. He talked about, like, how we'd, on the city bus, you know, wherever he was. I don't remember that. He's walking around the sidewalk. Yeah, he said, like, he talked specifically about the bus for whatever reason. He'd get on the bus and just, he just had a thing where he didn't want to wear shoes or socks.

And I don't either, but that just sounds like a good way to hurt yourself. I know. Yeah. Well, that's what I'm kind of surprised with businesses. You know, everybody's so litigious these days and worried about lawsuits and stuff. you'd think they'd basically want you to wear a suit of armor so you can't sue the company if you get a staple in your foot or something. Broken glass and heroin needles all over the place. I just took my shoes off. I did.

And I'm going to see how it feels. It feels pretty good. Are you wearing socks? No, hell no. Another suggestion for Ashley's... You can't see over here. For the breast pump, Ashley's breast. pump from Steelers fan Jesus. How about happy milk more?

Happy milk more. We got Sir Milks a lot. We're getting there. Some good ones coming in. I think we're getting there. So anyway, the downside of an office full of people without shoes and socks, awkwardness is what they say here, hygiene issues. Sure, athletes' foot. We were told in our dorm you got to wear at least flip-flops. Anywhere you go. You Even in the showers. Oh, especially the showers. Yep.

Everywhere you go. I got that once from the gym that I go to. I think it was from when I would go tanning. Obviously, I would take my shoes and my socks off. Because that was the only time I was ever barefoot at the gym. And, yeah, ever since then, the athlete's foot is so bad. Nick, I know that you know how much it sucks. So wait a minute.

Are you telling me that you got athlete's foot and it went away? Yes, it did, thankfully. but to this day when I go tanning, I have the funniest tan lines because now I refuse to take my shoes and socks off when I go in the tanny bed. So I'm just like butt naked, but I have my shoes and socks on. You look like you're going to run the naked marathon. I have NAF foot. I've never had athletes' foot. I had to go NAF foot. Non-athletes foot? It's more foul than that. My daughter would always call me a NAF, which isn't perfect.

What is a NAF? Non-athletic and then F-word. Oh, effort? Like an effort? Just play it without the ER. Oh. You're a non-athletic F. Ashley, I caught athletes' foot in eighth grade, and it still has not left me. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Have you tried tough actin' tanactin? Oh, I tried every freaking thing. I urinated on my feet for a stretch of time in the shower. I did every effing thing you've ever heard of, and I still have it from eighth grade effin' swim class. Oh, that feels so good, though, to, like, spray that cooling stuff on it. So it's just stingy and itchy? Is that the gist? It's not stingy.

Well, it just itches like a bastard, and it oozes and it smells bad. The stinging comes, Josh, after you itch it for too long. Yeah. It's hard to stop. Is that the worst? Like, there's certain things you get a bug bite or whatever, and they tell you not to scratch it, but that's all you want to do?

Yeah, I mean, it's hard to explain. If you haven't had athletes' foot, it's difficult to explain how unbelievable it feels when you're finally able to attack your athlete's foot and scratch it and itch it and rub it. It's hard to explain how good it feels and how difficult it is to stop. I mean, I've gotten to the point where I was itching and scratching and rubbing to where I almost ended up in the emergency room.

Like, you'll tear the skin right off the bone. Yep. Because it just doesn't feel like enough. It's like a dog that attacks its hot spot, you know what I mean? Until the dog is bleeding and miserable. That's how bad it can be. I once went ice fishing and, you know, dead of winter. Never took off my boots or socks the entire time because it's colder in a sum bitch outside the fish house.

You know, we slept in the fish house for three days kind of a thing up on Lake Malax. So obviously I'm not going to take my shoes and my boots and socks off. Some guys would get down to their socks in the fish house. But this is before they had the carpeted fancy fish houses, you know, in the fish out. just wood floor, you know, wet with beer and lake water. So I never removed my boots and shoes, pardon me, my boots and socks for three days. And I finally got in. And my athlete's sport, I never really thought about it until I got home and took off my boots and socks.

And it just, it was red hot. Like I needed to get after it. And when I did, my neighbors surely must have. thought I was playing with myself or something. Because when I finally got after it and started scratching away at that spot, I literally was just, oh! It can be so brutal. I know a lot of you know what I'm talking about.

So I suppose that would be an issue. If everyone's walking around barefoot at work, you're probably going to end up spreading athlete's foot from one end to town to the other. All right. And there are other problems, I'm sure. This is the first of your five chances today to win $1,000 with the 5K a day, jibber-jabber. This is big money here, son. Nothing to sneeze at. 6 a.m. 10 a.m. noon skis. 2 p.m. 6 p.m. Be listening for sure then.

Right now, text a national keyword change to 95819 to enter for a chance to win. The national keyword is change. The number is 95819. We'll text you back to confirm your entry. Data and messaging rates may apply. Don't text and drive. For Pete's sake, good luck. What else did they say here about going without shoes at work?

Oh, I had it here somewhere. Here it is. What feels casual for some might feel unprofessional or even uncomfortable for others. Sure. I'd be fine with it Wouldn't bother me at all No

Like I said I just don't like the bare feet I know you don't That's yeah that's too much And I would be irritated Because I'd have to keep my toenails painted all the time Oh you'd want to make them look nice Yeah absolutely I've considered that

They look weird when they're not painted You think so? Yeah or at least for me Yeah well you're used to You've been doing that since when Oh gosh as long as I can remember Right I've considered it

Painting your toenails? Yes You should do it. Because they're yellow at this point? I've considered just painting them. A brighter shade of yellow maybe? It's so looks like it was on purpose. What's that?

Oh, oh, I see. Dana, a brighter shade of yellow. You wouldn't have to do it that often because... I'm never going to do this, but I've looked at them and thought, I mean, I don't know. Should I just paint them black or paint them white? I would never... Well, I can tell you, like, in middle school, some of the girls would use white out on their names. Try and bring that back.

Really? I mean, I would never go with red or pink or purple or something that. That would just look. That would be so cute, though. Some would maybe call it cute. But I've just considered, I don't know what to do. I should just cut them off. You can have them permanently removed.

Or you're toes. I've heard of that. You can have your toenails permanently removed. I've heard of that. That'd be so weird, but it is. It's better now that my feet are in better shape now than they've ever been. Have you ever considered a pedicure? Yeah, I got one once.

It was miserable. What did you mean by that? Oh, it was just hurt and it was stupid. Don't they like take some sandpaper to your feet and stuff, or is that maybe something different? Yeah. Oh, yeah. You get the whole, like they massage your calves and all that. I can't do them.

I'm way too ticklish. I don't remember much about it because this was easily 20 years ago. A gal talked me into it. A lot of stories start that way. Yeah. I sure do. She thought this would be the springboard to finally correcting my disgusting, awful, crooked yellow feet. And I went along with it, and all I remember, Josh, is just, it was just uncomfortable and painful.

And there's a lot of squeezing, and it just was, it didn't feel good at all. You know, if anybody gives you crap for painting your nails, they can't give you crap if you just do it camel. I mean, that'd be a manly way to get your nails painted. You would have to go to a professional for that. Or they could just do pressons. Just do some press on camels. I never thought about that. The French tips.

You could write something cool on there? What else could we do? I mean, let's say we wanted to come up with a new casual approach to work, but we didn't want to go bare feet. What, anything else? Is there, is there anything? Well, we can do like shirts and skins for meetings. Yeah. Mandatory sweatpants?

Well, yeah, I was going to say, I mean, maybe that whole pajama pants trend that the, you know, kids in school are doing. Maybe they could do that in the workplace. I can't feel normal or comfortable in pajama pants. I've tried a few times in my life. I just cannot feel like an adult walking around. What about Subis? Could you feel pretty cool than Subis? I hated those frigging.

things. Even when you were a kid? Oh, yeah. Oh, I wanted some so bad, like the NFL ones or, you know, the wrestling ones. Yeah, you were a little kid, though. I mean, I think you were, you, Zuba's hit at a point where I could see how you'd want your Viking Zubu. Oh, yeah, so bad. It takes practice, Nick. You just got to keep doing it until you're comfortable. I just, but I've tried. I've tried it a few times. And I do catch hell about this from some people that I, if I'm, you could catch me at 2 a.m., 2 p.m., 10 o'clock at night, seven days a week, 365 days. I'm wearing pants.

I'm wearing jeans or on certain occasion, what do you call them, cargo pants? I just cannot feel right. When I've put on pajama pants and looked at myself in the mirror, it just looks silly. I've never owned a pair or a pair of sweatpants. Wow. Never once. Sweat pants I was okay with when I was in high school. That's a life I just don't want to live.

Without sweatpants? Yeah. Well, don't they always say, like, you've given up if you wear sweatpants? Yeah. Has that gone away now with the prevalence of pajama pants? No, some people still feel that way. I dated somebody that was like you, Nick, where they, like, if they had a run to the gas station. They wore, like, sweatpants around the house once they got home and got comfortable.

But if they had to go to the gas station real quick, they would take the time to put on jeans. And I'm like, who cares? No one's going to see it. Yeah, I got nobody even impressed at the gas station. Yeah. But the guy must maybe be similar to me, where he just doesn't feel normal. Yeah, I think so. I don't feel normal wearing a little pair of plaid pajama pants.

I don't get that. You don't get your Christmas pajamas on. That look is just so awful. It just so, you look, I look like a giant five-year-old. Honestly, yeah, me picturing you in sweatpants or pajama pants, it doesn't seem right. No, no. There's people texting and saying, Nick, you should try it again, get in the pedicure. Give him another shot.

don't think it's going to happen. My wife thinks she's running a scam, or I shouldn't say think, she's running a scam and she thinks I'm not onto it. She gets a lot of her girlfriend's pedicures or manicures. And then all of a sudden she's like, oh yeah, I bought this pedicure for so-and-so, so we're going to go get pedicure. She always somehow is a part of it. So it's kind of a gift for her more than anything. That's smart. She's running a scam and she thinks that we're not onto her. She enjoys it. Oh, she loves it. Absolutely loves it. She said that there's guys all the time when she goes to those things. It's not uncommon anymore for guys to get manicures or pedicures. I always see older men when I'm at the nail salon, like talking like around 80 years old

because they just can't really like take care of their feet anymore. So they go and get it down there. That makes sense. Is that right? Matching playing machinist Jesus thinks we should have a pajama party at the border bash coming up here in just a couple of weeks now that we're in October. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. tickets are still available, I believe, on 93X.com, if you're interested in joining us. We need to get an update on that. We need to get an update on that. How are we doing with the Border Bash?

Let's just go ahead and assume there's still a spot or two available. I mean, I know communication isn't the best in this building, but I'd assume they'd tell us, hey, it's all sold out. They did that with the boats, so it should be good if you still want to go. October 16 through the 8th. 18th, we're all going out to Turtle Lake Casino. Thursday night. A little drinking, a little jaw jacking.

Maybe a bite to eat. Friday morning. Terrible live broadcast. Pointless, you might say. Gambling. Skirt chasing. A couple of fist bites in the damn parking lot, maybe. I don't know.

Live music. Who do we got showing up for the live music? Alien ant farm and puddle. LaMud Friday night. More than anything, we just have a good time hanging out, placing some bets. I'm bringing a few of my pals with me. It ought to be

something. It ought to be something. So if it's... Yeah, it's always a good time. If it's a bit you've been considering, go ahead over to our website. We'd love to have you. Love to have you. The 93X Half-Ast morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises

of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer, I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or

$90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your

knees, maybe your joints. You need. need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Calli-L-L-E-L-E-Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-E law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-K-E law. And it spells relief for you. Vince Konez is redefining news talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to. to take this thing to the next level. These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun.

It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live caller interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes.

The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. My half-ass morning show. Minnesota's 93X. Listeners, this is your chance to listen in on. what has been named the third most depressing job in the year of 20 and 25. Surprise is not higher. Uh-oh, you do sound depressed.

When you said that, you sounded depressed. There's always a little sadness behind Dana's delivery. A little bit of sadness. This has been named the most depressing job. I mean, not specifically this program, but arts, entertainment, sports, and media. entertainment, sports, and media has been named the third most depressing gig you could get your hands on these days.

A new report surfaced on the sea of nonsense that is the internet. And it busted out the most depressing. The survey, Josh, asked nearly a half a million people. I mean, that's a pretty good chunk of change right there. That's a decent amount of folks. A half a million people. This wasn't, you know,

2,500 people at a rodeo or something that were pulled. This was a half a million people. They were asked if their jobs are depressing. And we came in third. On the podium. I wouldn't describe it as depressing. If they're throwing in like newscasters, that's got to be depressing. A lot of depressing news they have to cover.

They get quite a bit of heat for, their appearance and the stories they cover, that kind of thing. I could see how that would. I mean, look at Janelle. She wants out of her job so bad. Janelle joining us today later. She wants out of her job so bad at times. You can understand she's called at a moment's notice

to go to the most horrible things in the world and to confront these families who have some terrible things going on. They're miserable. And she's got to try and do that professionally and not look like she's about to jump off a bridge. That's tough to fake. Yeah. Television news.

You can understand. and their depression. I guess, I mean, do you guys think that you'd be a little bit happier if you didn't have to, like, read the stuff that we read online? Yes. I think I would, you know, a lot of the stuff that I read, I wouldn't have to read if it wasn't for this job. I mean, I guess that's kind of a downer.

That's one thing I've mentioned before. It would be a nice just to tune out from that. I do my best, but you're right. You run across headlines, and there's probably five times a day. I'm like, oh, for F's sake. Right. Just terrible. And like this, Local 34, Jesus, all the constant lies they make you tell on the news.

Like that kind of criticism. You know? It's tough to come up with the fake news each and every day. I wish the government wasn't forcing us to lie to our listeners. That's one regret I have with this gig, that the government forces us to lie to our listeners. That does trouble me at times, but I get past it because of all the money. Well, they threatened my kids. They did.

Yeah, they threatened my kids. Okay, so arts, entertainment, sports. and media. We're lumped into that group. Medical device, Jesus said, didn't Randy Shaver cite the reading of today's news as the reason for him to retire? Yes. He did. I can't say that that has much of an effect on me. Because the focus of my show prep, I don't cross too many dark stories. Josh, you do. So I can understand how that would bring you down. But let me just be clear here. Or maybe you can help me. Arts, entertainment, sports, and media.

sports are they telling us that today's athletes are depressed could be sports reporters and sports writers that's kind of way I interpreted it okay let's go along with that arts does that mean your typical rock star isn't feeling so good about themselves these days well they do seem to be moody I mean how many

what did stand-up comics have we met were they just really seem pretty hurt you know they might put on a certain show. I mean, we've had a couple in here where once the mics went on, they were just outrageous and hilarious, but off air. They seem like they just heard the worst news they've ever heard. Comics generally strike me as troubled people. They do. All right, so the most depressing jobs out there, 18 of them were listed. We'll go from 18 to 1 skis. Number 18, I don't see myself skipping to work if I were a minor. How is that not higher?

Yeah, what? Techno. Mining. Coming home each day, just sore and covered in soot. Yeah, you got health problems because of it. No, thanks. Those are the stories that we hear, right? That you're not generally a very healthy person by inhaling the underground on a daily basis.

Mining. Jesus, I wouldn't last a half hour. Before they were, it would be friendly fire, Josh. It would be friendly fire. If I became a minor, they would put up with me for about 30 minutes before they threw. They would toss me up out of the hole and I'd land back on the surface of planet. We don't, you're way too soft for this gig, dude. The construction crowd isn't exactly pumped.

They're on the list of depressing jobs. Hard work. Out in the cold, out in the hot. I mean, I'm not saying for sure these are the factors. I'm just trying to relate to what would bring me down. I would never be, another job I would never be hired for. I don't have the skill set for that. But they're on the list.

Agrit, I mean, everyone's on the list, basically. There's a lot of jobs on this list. Night shift nurse Jesus said being a nurse, wiping asses, getting hit, dealing with meth heads, having six plus patients at the time. I can understand. Okay, healthcare came in fifth. I can't imagine how this gig would be more difficult.

I mean, I guess that's not the subject. It isn't difficult. It's depressing, depression. So I don't know how to measure this. I'm just saying I can't imagine how healthcare, working as a nurse or a doctor, and all of what that listener just described, I can't imagine how that's not higher than what we do or what a artist does or a television.

Well, I think if you have a job where 90% of the time you're running into someone on the worst day of their life, that has to be incredibly depressing. Yeah, so how is that not higher than what we do on the list of depressing gigs? Okay, agriculture, farming. I thought farmers loved their gigs. Certainly a tough job, but talking about, like,

depression. I guess you can have depressing years. Sure. Yeah, I guess if you got a bad harvest or something. But yeah, I always thought farmers really loved it. Yeah. Manufacturing real estate. I bet that could be stressful. Yeah. I mean, any job can be stressful and any job can be tough. But I'm trying to figure out with some of them what makes it depressing because that's what half a mills. million Americans were asked about. Are you depressed? Or does your job make you depressed? Real estate?

I think that having to hold your arms out, like stretch to the side every, each and every day, that has to get depressing and very difficult at times. I guess some of the realtors I know seem on the sad side. Really? Yeah. A lot of weekend showings and open houses and stuff? Yeah.

And a lot of them, I think you kind of get, I guess a lot of people go off like how the housing market is doing when thinking about like how the economy is doing as a whole. So like if you're exposed to that, like constantly about how like nobody has been buying houses, no one has been able to get a home. That can be depressing. Here's a cop that says, police, enough said. Everyone hates us. Yeah. Yep. Feel bad.

I'm all right with you. I'm all right. Yeah. We are here as well. All right. I can't imagine how difficult of a job that is. By the way, a listener texted in to say that not all miners work underground. I work in an open pit mine, and it's not so bad.

So it's tough to measure, you know, so many jobs are on this list. It's tough to fully understand what it is about these gigs specifically that is bringing folks down. I'm trying to figure it out on the fly. Real estate, sure, stressful job. But every damn one of us has a certain amount of stress in our jobs. I think every job is a job, right? Yeah. Public administration.

Does that mean like politics? Public administration? I don't know what that means. I'm not sure. Fair enough. Finance and insurance. That just sounds so boring. I always thought that seemed kind of fun.

But I guess that says a lot about me. We're up to the top 10 most depressing jobs, according to a survey. The most depressing jobs in 20 and 25. Sales at number nine. I could never do sales. I was just talking to somebody about this. Was that you actually? Who the hell was I talking to?

I could never do sales. I could do it if I loved what it was. I don't think I'd be able to do it if I just didn't care about it. Yeah, exactly. If I'm selling like paper clips or something. Good call. That's a good call. If it was something I truly love, now I've got to find something that I love.

Like if I working at like a guitar center or a best buy or stuff I would easily spend every dime I made on, I could sell that, I think. My fiance is in sales and he absolutely loves it. He doesn't seem depressed. Or things that have made a huge difference in my life, certainly. I had a brief run in sales for 87 days, and believe it or not, I was not very passionate about selling car insurance, rental car insurance to people. It wasn't in my blood.

Oh, come on. That sounds like a riot. Just trying to scare people when they're getting insurance they don't need. Based on texts we're receiving, I had it all wrong about farmers. people are saying that they have high depression rates and I guess it's a well-known thing. I'd never heard that. I had never heard that myself. I read something that the margins are so slim these days, you know,

when it comes to making your harvest and making the crops make money. Yeah, maybe it's something where it's just real corporate now or, yeah, I'm not sure. Okay, well, thank you for the info. I had no idea. The eighth most depressing job in the United States of America is education. Well, yeah, Dana's wife's so depressed. She can't even get a job this summer. Seven, legal work, being a lawyer or a public pretender or a whatever the hell, judge, I don't know. Six, retail workers.

Five, we covered already as health care. Four, food services. Three is what we're doing here, which would fall under the canopy of arts, entertainment, sports, and media. Two, food preparation and serving. Welcome to Hardee's. How can I help you? and then the jackass other side of the counter has a meltdown because you put too much mustard on his ham sandwich.

I did that at a few places, and I wouldn't want to do that again. What did you do? As a... Oh, you were cutting up vegetables. I worked at a few different restaurants. Yeah, and I couldn't imagine going back to that. You were cutting up veggies at the good earth. Yeah, it was one of the places.

But did you ever ring folks up at the counter like at a fast food joint? Yes. Oh, you did? Not a fast food restaurant, but it was like a, I don't know how I'd discreet. It was like in an office building. There's a big office building, and so we essentially were just, it was like a third job I had. And it was just lunch.

That was their only hours they were open, and it was very depressing, and the people I worked with were very depressed all the time and very mean. That job really sucked. They hated their jobs, and they took it out on you. So the office dork would walk up and you'd say, hello, what can I get you?

And he'd say, well, I'll take a bologna and cheese. Pretty, but, yeah, tuna fish sandwich. It was always kind of the same stuff. Ashley, you worked. in fast food. Apparently, I love that, though. You loved that.

Well, you stayed high. Yeah. Yeah, you stayed high the entire. 100%. The most, the most depressing job available is community and social services. What does that mean?

Cop? Community and social. Cops and paramedics and firemen and the Red Cross and... Right? Aren't EMTs?

Right? Yeah, I think That would be community and social services. EMTs have one of the highest suicide rates. I know that. It's like through the roof. I don't need to hear about. Short but fat,

Jesus, being a stay-at-home mom, very stressful, cooking, cleaning all day. And you're not really alone, but you are alone? You're lonely. You're always at work, quote-unquote. Sure, I could see how that would be a little. You're just craving some type of adult interaction.

Yeah. Can we just talk about current events? I don't care. Anything other than, you know, what's on your iPads right now? But if you've got kids, you're not having a lot of adult conversations. Yeah. I get all that, but you are at home. Well, you said you like to leave the house for social interaction at a target.

I do. So, I mean, you can understand. But if my job was at home, I'm at home. But sometimes I don't know what I'm talking about. So there you go. That chaos coordinator, she's just health care. You see a lot of bad. with very little good.

Yeah, that's kind of what I was mentioned. Like, I can't imagine seeing so many people so miserable every single day. I briefly dated an ER nurse a couple years ago, and you could just see the stress on her face. She's pouring out constantly. 12-hour shifts, four days a week, working like midnight or noon to midnight. Oh, she was, I felt awful for her. Did you make sure you told her that you could see the stress on her face, Tina?

I did not. Wow, I could just tell you're tired. Well, she was open about it. She was just, you know, explaining how. exhausting things are these, especially because, you know, you're trying to help people, but they're not allowing you to help them because they're pushing back and it's just a nightmare. They say the cake gigs out there are the following. Dog Walker, Rideshare, Driver, House slash Pet Sitter, Mystery Shopper, Mystery Shopper. I got a buddy who does that on the side.

What is mystery shopper? You shop for somebody else? Now, you go in and you kind of basically do a review of how the employees did at the store. Were they helpful? Did they ask if you knew what you were looking for, you know, that type of thing? You basically rate the employees. Really? You did that, Josh? Not for, it wasn't my main job, but when I worked for Target, yeah, I did that a few times where they just ask people, you know, hey, go check this out and just see how, you know,

how it goes over there, that kind of thing. You were undercover. Yeah, kind of. I mean, you just go and, you know, browse around like you're shopping. So you would go to a different target where they didn't know you. Yeah. And it was more like for safety things. Really?

Making sure that if there's a wet floor, there's a wet floor sign or just, you know, kind of silly things like that. I'm jealous. I've always wanted to do that. You would walk into a different target like you were just some average schmo and not a member of target security. What do you? The elite, you had a different way to say. Well, I was on the force.

You know, I towed that thin, red and khaki line as we did. And they didn't know you were snooping on them and then going back and reporting, hey, the fellas back in electronics smelled like farts and didn't ask me if I needed any help. I mean, I know there's people that go more detailed. Arts wasn't necessarily really to rat on people. It was more just if you see something like, hey, here's some things that could maybe be improved. It was never, it didn't feel as dushy as some of the stuff you mentioned. I got mystery shopped at Blockbuster and it was intense.

Like you had to do every single thing right, including saying at the end of the transaction. Thanks for making it a Blockbuster night. And if you didn't say those things, you could get dinged by a mystery shopper. Oh, for Christ, sir. Really? Yeah. They were very nitpicky about it. And the business is thriving today, so it clearly worked.

I can't imagine going home and just being in a bad mood. And my wife asked what's wrong. I'm like, well, you know, I called Tires Plus, and the guy didn't say, it's a great day at Tires Plus when he answered. People are out of their friggin minds. It ruined my experience. I'm never buying tires from the. again. Well, sorry to everybody out there who might be depressed with their current occupation. I'd love to be able to instantly find the words to make you feel better. We certainly know

the ups and downs around here. I feel like as a man beyond middle age, I should be able to maybe dump some words of wisdom on you, but it's nothing that's going to sound. wildly original. How about this? We're all effed in one way or another. We're all, no matter what the hell you do for a living, we're all effed in one way or another. We're all underpaid. We're probably all not treated as well as we should be. Everybody's got something. Everybody's got something. So just find the joys, find the little things that you love, and focus on those things.

Yeah, hopefully there's one or two things that keep bringing you back, aside just from having a paycheck. Right. I mean, your coworkers and your boss can make such a big difference, I've noticed. Even if the job sucks and maybe you're not appreciated by the folks that should appreciate you, if you've got some good coworkers and a good boss, I mean, that could keep me going. That goes a long way. You're right. Find, focus on the one or two things that do bring you back and look at it this way.

Soon enough, we're all going to be retired and dead. Yeah. For some of us, it'll be finally you get. you get to retire your golden years. And for some of us, it'll be a very short amount of time between retirement and death. That's true. Letter Buck, try and have some fun. Try and wade your way through the garbage and have some fun.

You were talking about your little undercover target gig there, Josh, where you as a target employee would walk into targets around town and just kind of snoop and see how. the customer service was and see how this set up. I never did customer service. Like I said, mine was more like safety stuff. And it was only a handful of times I did it. It was never an official position.

Is the light going to fall on the head and is the AC, the safety? Okay. Is the floor wet? It reminds me of a friend of mine got busted for, I'll get there. A friend of mine got busted for contributing to miners when he was working at a liquor store. and you guys have heard of this set up before. The cops set this up and they wait for the liquor store to be busier than hell

like 6 p.m. on a Friday, right? Yeah. And my buddy's ringing up cases of beer and bottles a hooch. He's just pouring sweat, running the register, and then they throw some gal into line who is younger. And, you know, my pal, behind the counter.

He was in such a hurry. No, he did not card everybody. He did not. And he did not card this younger looking female. And that's when the cop jumps in and says, step away from the register, sir. You've just sold beer to a 17-year-old gal. That sucks.

And my buddy said, does she look 17? And the cop, he said, even admitted it. after a while, the cop was like, yeah, sorry about this. But it's something that cop had to do that day. He was assigned to pull that gimmick to try and curb alcohol sales to minors. So my buddy ends up saying, come on, she doesn't look younger than 21. And the cop's like, yeah, I know. It's just sorry.

You have to step away from the red. And my buddy also said, you had to wait until there was 75 people in line to pull this. And the cop said, yeah, I know. Sorry. I always thought that gimmick was kind of shady. But it's out there. Yeah, we had those when I worked in the restaurant industry, people that would come in.

It was terrifying, but we usually could figure it out. The gal, you know, was like at hired by, I don't know, hired by the cops, I guess, too. I don't know the whole story. I can't remember who hires them. But, yeah, word usually gets around. And I think the gal even said to my buddy, like, yeah, sorry. Because usually if they hit like one spot in the neighborhood, it's like that time of the year or something like that or whatever it is.

And so they'll hit like a couple other places. And so, yeah, word usually gets around so you know, at least when I worked in the restaurant industry so that you know to be on the lookout for someone that comes in alone. I bet businesses do that themselves, you know, like a gas station or something to make sure no one's selling cigarettes or something to minors. Just because how screwed they get. I mean, there was a gas station by me where they couldn't sell cigarettes for, it was almost a year or something crazy like that. Because they got busted a couple of times. Hell, I just found out recently that didn't I just find this out?

Well, I know I learned it on air. You can't buy a can of chew unless you're 21? Yeah, you just learned the tobacco laws. I didn't know that this is just recently. What, 21? You got to be 21 to buy a can of chew. Josh, you could have played that undercover role with your youthful appearance. You could have been that character that...

Maybe into my early 20s. You could have been that guy. I remember in my early 20s wishing I looked older. You know, I just was kind of embarrassed that people thought I was younger than I was. You always wanted to look older? Yeah, I wanted to look older, so I wouldn't get that old.

I don't know why that embarrassed me, but... Well, it's not embarrassing anymore. No, I'd change it now. Yeah. Now you want to look younger? Yeah, I wouldn't mind looking younger. Well, you don't look, you still look young. Well, it's nice.

You can't, can't. Here's a guy you can't make him happy. No, not enough. You know what I mean? He wants to look older. Then when he does, he wants to look younger. Grass is always greener, as they say. Yep.

The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. and I think you should too. An AC-tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind

before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders,

your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com.

And it spells relief for you. Vince Konez is redefining news talk with The Vince Show. It is a reflection of your response to this program that we get to take the same. thing to the next level. These gigantic shows, this is going to be so much fun, it's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live caller interactions, and a front row seat

to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Have asked morning show 93X.

What Chuck, Chuckers, it's Groundhog Day. Well, it's Groundhog Day. Again. You that energy, that's Groundhog Day energy out there. Cleavage, when it first pops out, like, late March, early April. It's almost like Groundhog's Day. It's like, oh, it's going to be an early spring.

The big question on everybody's lips. Yeah, their chap lips. On their chap lips. Right. Lips. Do you think Phil's going to come out and see a shadow? Showtime. The old Groundhog Day gimmick.

I love the movie. Never really care. for the actual bit where they drug and physically abuse an animal for our entertainment. But anyways, I ought to go ahead and welcome everybody into the mix. If this bit has caused you to question whether or not you're losing your mind, you're not, you're fine. I feel worse for the podcasters. We did this before. We had fun.

We were two days in a row. We did the Groundhog Day bit. But I kind of forgot about this aspect. People text and are like, hey, A-hole, I thought something for sure was wrong with the podcast. staff you guys posted the wrong podcast. We once replayed just the entire show from the day before. That's a genius level of laziness. Yes.

That's taking the bit too far. I didn't think so. It was great. We just loaded in the show from yesterday and went to Couss and had breakfast. How I'm stealing, huh? I was going to ask how many days you thought you could get away with that. We just stretched at the one. We thought the one might have been too far.

We even questioned. Should we just go back and kind of restart his show and actually do something? And we said, yeah, it's kind of funny. I think you should have went back. Yeah. Man. Well, I feel terrific. I'm sure I'm not alone.

In feeling fabulous this morning, I'm going to be coughing all over everyone and everything again today. I apologize. I think it's getting me, too. And I mean, I have no chance. My son was homesick yesterday. You're sick. Although I'd imagine if you have pneumonia or something, which is going around, you're probably not contagious at this point.

I have no idea. I'm trying to remember. My son had it a couple weeks ago, and I think she said it's kind of like a lot of stuff, right? We're at the beginning. Your son had it, and she said? The doctor. Oh, see what I'm saying?

No. You don't? Mm-mm. Oh, God. It's going around, you were saying. Yeah. God dang. I got to get to something right away, though.

I'm very excited to share this with you. despite the way I'm feeling. The J. Cutler bit is one of my favorites around here. In case you're new to this operation, if we give something the J. Cutler treatment around here, that means we don't care. Like, for example, if Josh said, hey, I had a pizza pie this weekend with cauliflower crust,

and I really liked it, let me tell you all the great things about cauliflower, crust on a pizza pie. If you deep down just didn't want to hear it, you could say, dude, Jay Cutler. And why former NFL quarterback? I thought maybe that would prompt you to want to tell your cauliflower crust story. Oh, I didn't want to interrupt. No. I don't even have a cauliflower cross story. So I don't know what you're talking about it. I love cauliflower cross. Oh, you do? I wouldn't try something like that and then text Nick about it. I apologize. It tastes like almost exactly the same. There's no no difference.

I'm a little ashamed of how I reacted to you over the weekend when you texted me to tell you, that doesn't make any sense, you texted me to tell me that you enjoyed a pizza with cauliflower crossed. I'm a little ashamed to admit my response because it was harsh. It was. I could paraphrase it, but do you have the exact response? I think I can. And actually, well, I'll let you tell what it is and then I can explain what happened afterwards. I can find it. Yeah, maybe share the exchange.

Yeah, it's not far away. Here it is. This was what? Saturday, Sunday afternoon, Josh texted me and said, I don't want to upset you, but I had a cauliflower-crust pizza, and I liked it. And again, this was the liquor talking. This was the sickness talking. Deep down, I don't think I really meant any of this.

But my response to Josh texting and telling me that he enjoyed a pizza with cauliflower crust, I wrote back, I hope you die. Oh, my gosh. And that nearly killed me. I forgot what I said after. I can't remember if I was drinking or eating something. He said you were drinking a root beer. Yeah, there you go.

When you read the, and you choked on the root, there was a lack of oxygen to your brain for a few seconds. And so I almost killed you. Yeah, it almost came true. So the Jay Cutler bit, why, again, in case you're new to all this, why and how former NFL quarterback Jay Cutler. is linked to general disinterest is such a fun story. Dana helped me out. I'll try to go ahead with it. Interrupt me if you have to.

You had a buddy who ended up in the pisser in the same pisser as former Chicago Bears, Denver Broncos quarterback Jay Cutler. It wasn't a buddy of mine. This is a famous story on the internet. Oh, a famous story. Yes. And I think I had heard it, but I'm not sure. Basically the gist of it is

It was a brunch spot in Chicago The offseason Jay Cutler's there We're wearing sweatpants and a white t-shirt Being disinterested as he normally is The same vibe he gave off on the sidelines And The guy who tells the story He was in the bathroom waiting in line for the pisser

And the guy in front of him Goes up and takes the leak in the urinal next to Jay Cutler And he starts telling a story Oh hey you know I went to Vanderbilt the same time as you And then Jay just cuts him off by leaning his head back in the air and yelling, don't care. Sounds like he had enough that day. Yeah.

I love that story. I can't get enough of it. And I enjoy the fact that it's ingrained in our morning show. If you don't care about something, you can directly do the loud don't care. Or you can just say Jay Cutler and everyone knows what you mean. Yeah, save some oxygen. And I was excited to share this with you. I was reading something about celebrity encounters. OMG.

You ran into a wildly famous person out in public, right? The thrill of it all. People have been writing about celebrity encounters. And they went into which celebrities were the self-absorbed dicks, which ones were generally nice people. Well, someone in this year conversation brought up an encounter with actor John Cusack. Boy, he's been doing his thing since he was just a damned kid. If my memory serves me correct, I think the first time I saw John Cusack in a motion picture,

Cubby, I think it was in 1984, and the movie was called 16 Candles. That's a good one. And he went from there. I mean, someone tell me, I can't think of John Cusack's biggest pictures, but he's been doing it for years and years. in years since he was a kid. Oh, better off dead. We both enjoyed that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was in Stand By Me. Say anything. Oh, very briefly in Stand By Me. Oh, yeah, say anything. Oh, God, say anything. I like that movie. I love that movie.

Oh, my. Anyway, someone talking about celebrity encounters ran into John Cusack, and they said this. They were outside a restaurant. Outwalks John Cusack. and this individual says, Hey, Mr. Cusack, I like your movies.

And John Cusack spun around and said, I don't care. I love him now. That's frigging beautiful. You like that one, Ashley? Yes. I don't care. I just like his vibe in general.

I just love that guy. He doesn't come across as a guy that would be a dick to somebody like that. So that kind of makes me like it. You know what? He kind of does, though. Does he? Oh. I don't know.

I guess I was just seen. him too many of romantic comedies. I've seen him in too many romantic comedies. I think the guy's a dick. Oh, people are reminding me now of John Cusack movie, sure. Hot Tubb Time Machine. Oh, yeah, that's his best. I've never seen it. No offense

to the movie, I just was beat. It has that, uh, who's that cute little nerdy kid? Oh, the guy who's in the office and... Yeah, I love that guy. Now I got to look this up. John Cusack started so young again. and I believe he started with 16 candles.

There might have been some other, you know, little garbage. Yeah, there was a garbage one ahead of that. Maybe even two. But, yeah, in the 80s. Better off dead. Yeah, briefly in Stand By Me. Oh, okay. Eight men out, the baseball movie.

Sure. There's the say-anything nightmare. Wow. Yeah. but he didn't oh uh pulp fiction why am i not picturing who he might have played in well i don't remember him in that either no oh sorry it says here he declined a role for the movie pope fiction he was going to play the role that eric stoltz ended up taking as the hippie drug dealer okay anyway oh gross point blank he played a uh

hit man but i dig that like you're movies, dude. Don't care, bro. That would kind of hurt a little bit. Would you be hurt by that? Well, yeah, if I was a huge fan or something like that. Maybe he was joking around. Yeah, what do you say after that? Like, oh, I'm sorry. Well, I do like them. Maybe you lash out. Yeah, I think you should lash out. Start freaking out. Yeah, well, F you when I was joking. I never liked any of your friggin movies. You're a bum. And you're ugly.

Yeah, and you're uglier than ash. Look at you. I lashed out at hooty in the blowfish. Oh, yeah. I lashed out at them. I didn't care for hooty and the blowfish. Not at all. Matter of fact, I hated them quite a bit

because when my brother would get drunk when we were 21 years old, he would either turn on hooty in the blowfish or that God-forsaken blind melon song, No Rain. and he wouldn't let anyone near the stereo. So for hours on end, we were tortured by Blind Melon and Hooty and the Blowfish when we were young and drunk. So I grew to hate Hootie and the Blowfish.

Saw him on the sidewalk once. My wife and I were walking around New Orleans, Louisiana. I didn't care for him, but my wife said, oh, my God, it's Hooty and the Bloch. First wife? Yes, sorry. You're exactly, Josh. Thank you. First wife.

This is 1997 or 98. And my wife said, oh, m.g, it's hooty in the blue. Do you think that they'd stop and take a pit? And I said, I'll walk up and ask them. So I said, would you guys mind taking a, my wife really likes you? And they said, take the picture while we're walking, dude. We don't stop for anybody. What a prick.

Jerks. And I said, it's just the two of us. It's me and my wife. Nobody else has recognized you as hooty and the blowfish. in case you're concerned about a riot kicking in and the safety of the general public. It's just me and my wife. Just because you guys stop for four seconds,

you'll be fine. Take the picture while we're walking, dude. So you know what I did? I turned into an 11-year-old, Ashley. Yeah, did you call my bitch? I said, well, F you bitches, and you guys suck. Yes. Yeah, that's what I did.

Here are some of the other positive, or pardon me, Let's start with the negatives. Back to this report on celebrity encounters, people talked about the good and the bad. We were talking about John Cusack. That wasn't good, according to one person. The other celebrities that folks lit up, Diana Ross. Jesus, what is she?

What's she doing? Is she 90 years old now? I think she's earned the right to be crabby at this point. His old age has made her crabby? Yeah. Jared Leto, Jennifer Lopez. Well, God, we... Oh, yeah, I've heard bad things about Jennifer Lopez.

Well, I don't want to say anything too bad about Jennifer Lopez. Christ, she's one half of the Wolves ownership team now. I want to get some tickets someday. You say bad things about her in this town. You might be banned from Target Center. And I don't know who Jenna Fisher is. That surprises me. Jenna Fisher from the office.

She plays such a sweet woman on the office. I was surprised to see her. Oh, yeah. She's Jan on the office. I don't want to know. I'm sorry, Pam on the office. And then they mentioned, again, with this Jared Leto, and then Josh and I could tell you that we had the absolute opposite experience with Jared Letto.

But, you know, these are first time encounters. Everyone gets in a pissy mood. Now, we really like that guy. Jared Leto was one of the nicest celebrities I've ever met, like by far. Maybe we caught him on a good day. I don't know. Yeah, Nick was right, too. Everybody can get in a pissy mood and stuff.

And, like, Alan Iverson has a famous quote once. where he said, you know, listen, I could sit here and I could stand outside the arena and sign a thousand autographs, but if I don't sign a thousand and one, I have to cut it off at some point, that person's going to think I'm a dick. Right. What was the great line? Neil Pert, the late drummer from Rush, in the song Limelight. I love that line that he wrote for the song Limelight, where he says,

I can't pretend a stranger is a long-awaited friend. It makes freaking sense. Yeah. You know, some people they expect when you see your favorite rock star and you say, oh, Chad Kroger, they expect the guy to just be, oh, wow, it's you. They don't know who the hell you are. And you might be nuts, you know, you got to give them a little friggin' bit of grace. I bet Chad's super cool in person. I bet he used to.

I met him a number of summers ago at the state fair. Was he? It was, oh, they were all wonderful guys. Yeah, the whole band seems like they're nice dudes. Here are the positive encounters that people had with celebrities. Jack Black, Harrison's Ford, Justin Bieber, John Travolta, Dolly Parton. Oh, I can't imagine Dolly Parton ever being in a bad mood even. Yeah, that makes me happy.

Harrison Ford, you know, he seems like a good guy, but he also seems like he could eviscerate you with his words if he wanted to. He can be very grumpy in interviews I've seen. He does not like talking about Star Wars. Harrison Ford is a punk He ain't no punk He needs a punch in the mouth is what he needs Really like Jack Black But it was unfortunately one of the worst interviews we've ever had

Oh is you just disinterested Oh yeah He and um Kyle Gas Yes Kyle Gas just kind of talked to each other About nothing that was going on on the show Were they in studio or was one of those like They are satellite making the rounds on different

Okay yeah Those are always tough Yeah I hear you Harrison Ford. I swear to God, I had another direction I was going to go here now, but I forgot. The sickness has led me to forget. Oh, yeah. Like you said, Dolly Parton.

The only time, the only person she doesn't want to run into, Josh, is that Jolene. Then you'll see the real Dolly. Outside of work-related things, I'm trying to think if I've ever ran into a celebrity, just walking around. I can't think of one time. Not too often. I mean, a couple wrestlers for sure for me, but that's kind of about it outside of work.

Most people that I know if they do run into somebody like that, it's somebody coming into their work or they're at the airport. Oh, yeah, the airport's big. A friend of mine saw Brian May at the airport, and I was very, very jealous. Wow. And he said he was incredibly nice. I'm sure.

He's a true gentleman. that would that would uh that would cause me to probably tremble a little bit oh me too in the presence of brian may uh here's a listener texting in saying chris katan was an ass no we're talking about celebrity encounters i guess back in my big bar going days of my 20s i'd run into a bunch of professional athletes like local athletes at bars and stuff but that's not that big of a deal. I suppose that's the only one. I've ran into Brett Burns once.

Oh, nice. At a pot belly sandwich shop. And he was wearing a wild t-shirt. Of course he was. Brent Burns. I was a hard time recognizing people in public. Like, I never assume I'm going to run into celebrities. Sometimes I don't even realize.

I got a buddy who has an eye for it. It's unbelievable. He'd be like, hey, dude, look over there in the corner of the bar. I'm like, yeah, what? He goes, that's Vikings special team or so, So I'm like, how do you know that? How do you recognize that guy? Yeah, I'm sure there's been times where I've been out and about,

and I've at least been in the vicinity of a professional athlete of some sort, but I would never, ever know that. I don't know what anybody looks like. It's tough to know what a lot of them really look like unless they're hockey players or basketball players. Yeah, football. I wonder. Well, I suppose baseball, too.

I run it, unless it's like one of the bigger stars, I, you know, I live in Egan. And so I'm right by the facility there with a football. Vikings practice and I there's dudes that look like professional athletes see run around but I wouldn't know what they're not wearing their jersey right Frank O'Harris being so close to that do you ever try to like get them to run into you me yeah no like oh no I got hit by somebody with a lambo oh like that oh yeah you know I see Josh Mattelis's car every once in a while yeah yeah he's got a distinctive vehicle I bet he does on social media Josh Mattelis so yeah he must live next to us What does he do for a living?

He's a Viking. Oh. He's the dude on, he does a lot of their social media. He's very funny. The Tell Us with Mattelis bit. We've played some of that before. Seems like a good guy. Yeah, Franco Harris eyeballed me.

You're right, the airport. Frank O'Harris eyeballed me at the airport like he wanted to fight me. I don't know why to this day. I just, I text my wife because my son ran, and I'm not a huge Timberwell fan. I watch a, you know, a couple games a month. And he is. My wife is, too. He ran into a Timberwolf I've never heard of, and I forgot to text you,

and he saw him at the Mall of America and took a picture with him, and I thought, like, how did you recognize it? Aside from being incredibly tall, but how'd you know who it was? He knew exactly who it was. This was recently. Yeah, just maybe a month ago or so. I'm texting her. I'm sure you know.

I mean, you watch all the games, but it wasn't a name I was familiar with. Yeah, what a thrill to run into your. Now that you bring it up, Josh, I'm trying to come up with random celebrity encounters, you know, not having to do with our occupation here, not having to do with, sorry, the radio show. Airport.

That's where it happens. That's a big one. I remember being at the airport 30 years ago. Got to be at this point, just shy of 30 years ago. and KG, Kevin Garnett and Stefan Marbury were playing for the Timblewell. And there was some rumors going around town that the two of them weren't getting along very well. This was very well known.

And I was going somewhere hanging around at the airport. Kevin Garnett got off of a plane, starts walking. And people, of course, he was playing here in town for a couple years at that point. People instantly, hey, KG. everybody's all over him. And one little kid, tiny little kid, is trying to talk to KG. He's basically talking to KG's shin, right? And KG's up, way up, signing autographs and saying hi to people.

And finally, Kevin notices this tiny little kid tugging on his pant leg. And KG gets down into the catcher's position and he's like, what's going on, little man? How are you? And the kid says, is Stefan Marbury your best friend? Cute. And I watch KG's face to see if he would show how that question affected him. You know what I mean? Because there were all these rumors that they did not like each other.

And KG said something like, oh, yeah, you know, you know, whatever. He kind of. He didn't ruin it for the kid. It's Stefan Marbury, your best friend. Does it count? I thought of another one. I'm not going to make it. You're going to be fine.

You thought of another one. But I don't know if this counts. from like across, basically the entire mall. I saw Shaquille O'Neal surrounded by security who's a lot smaller than, does that count? No. He was like at a store opening or something. No. I'm just trying to explain this.

It's pretty cool, though. I was hoping maybe I could say something that might make you say we have a chance of becoming good friends, me and Shaq. You don't want to be friends with Shaq after what he did with that toothbrush. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. You two would spend the weekend together in Duluth or something, and he would do something terrible to you. Just when you think the two of your friends,

he would do something terrible. Actually, when you mentioned toothbrush, I had a terrible incident with a toothbrush. On Friday, I had a dentist appointment, and I knew I wasn't going to have time to freshen up before I got there because I was leaving straight from work. I remember this now. You were worried about whether or not

you'd be able to clean your hole before you went to the dentist. So I got a dirty mouth. And so I went, and I thought, I'm going to brush up real quick, and I don't think I'll have time to floss, but I'm going to give it a shot. Jesus, you worry too much. Well, I wanted to be, it was a new hygienist. I get it. And I wanted to start off on the, you know, because whatever is going around, my regular hygienist had it, too.

They called and said, she's out. You still want to come in? And I said, yes. So I went in there, and I realized it was just me. It's like a little room, and it's just me and the receptionist. And I thought, oh, no, she's going to think I'm pooping in here. So I better hurry up. So there's no doubt.

And so I couldn't get the, and I had the travel-sized toothpaste, and I couldn't get the foil off the top. Oh, dude, you never can. That's so frustrating. And then I was more nervous. I'm like, oh, geez, for sure she's going to think. And so I finally get it off, so to speak. And when I did, there was a toothpaste explosion.

It got everywhere. I'm making things worse. It got all over me, all over the sink, all over the wall. It was like a first finish after a dry spell, only just kind of minty flavored. Like Randy Marsha, when the internet went to, down exactly it was just like that and I had it all over my arm I mean this went absolutely everywhere I've had that happen with those little travel size toothpaste and then I went from oh no she's going to think I'm pooping to oh no she's going to think I masturbated because it was everywhere will you see a

psychologist I was trying to be polite smoke a joint Josh your constant worrying about what everyone's going to think of you only makes things worse for you well yeah it did it did make it a lot worse You know, sometimes when you're trying to hurry up, you actually slow yourself down. And that was one of those situations where everything that could go wrong went wrong. How did everything go with the dentist? Oh, it went great. I remember one time I turned to Josh and I said, let's have sex for two of us. Let's do it.

Yeah. And Josh said, I got to go to the doctor tomorrow. I don't really want to have sex. I got to go to the doctor. I got an appointment. I kind of want to be fresh. And I said, well, you're not going to the dentist, are you? Gross.

What do you mean gross? I got a buddy that got in trouble with a joke kind of like that. Don't look at me like that. You got in trouble, what? A buddy that got in trouble. You know, Ashley, after giving birth, they tell you that you got to sit on the sidelines for a while, right? Yeah, yep. And so my buddy in front of, like, the doctor and everything said, well, do you got like lock jaw or carpal tunnel?

Oh, it's funny. Can you take care of me? Oh, God, no. Take care of me. That is not funny. They added a couple weeks onto a sentence. Oh, I bet. Yeah, those nurses don't mess around because they are used to some men saying stuff like that and being serious.

So they don't play when when dudes start to make jokes like that. Oh, no. He said he felt pretty small after that. Oh, I'm sure. As he should. Because he mostly meant it, too, which made it worse. Oh, God. My husband made like a couple jokes to me privately.

and I made sure he knew like, hey, you know, don't say anything that could come across weird because I'm going to leave you standing on that hill and it's going to make it so much worse. I'm not going to laugh. We were talking celebrity encounters earlier. First off, someone texted in, well, not just anyone. They have a name. Perry Saturn, Jesus, texted in and said, I once met Perry Saturn. Shut up, dude.

But another listener texted in and said We were talking celebrity encounters, right Said I ran into Mo Williams Former Viking running back Mo Williams Do you know what that bell means Josh? We had a brief conversation about this yesterday I'm ringing the Eskimo brother bell

Oh really? Yeah You and Mo Williams I'm ringing the Eskimo brother What an honor Oh I don't know about that But You mean for him

Of course All right, we ought to get going. Love all your celebrity encounter text messages. I hope to make the time now to scroll through some of them. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. It's been an interesting morning so far, hasn't it, Josh? Yeah, the unexpected has happened. It's been fun.

After you just tuning in, this morning we found raccoon turds and a discarded wadichu. Like, I mean a wad of chew that would bring Hank Williams Jr. to a knee. Discarded right outside the front door of our building. So we miss a lot, I guess, when we leave here in the morning. Raccoon turds and a big fat chew. You know, there are some days where a topic will come up where I think, well, I didn't in a million think I'd expect to talk about that on the radio today.

But this one kind of takes it a whole new level. I didn't expect to go scoop up a fat wad at chew and raccoon poop outside on the sidewalk. We knew it was your destiny. You guys saw this coming for a while now. You were destined to do this. Dana went and fetched it. We inspected it and came to that conclusion. We missed a lot.

We should start sticking around a little later in the day. It does remind me of that day Josh and I, what the hell are we doing? Oh, yeah, we were meeting at a bar one day, Josh and I. I got there first and sat down at the bar, ordered a Steve Weiser, and Josh walked in five minutes later with this big, fresh human turd in his hand. And he says, where's the manager? And the manager says, that's me right here. and Josh says, what kind of place are you running here?

Look what I almost stepped in. You were furious. Well, yeah, it would have to be wiping off my shoe? That's gross. There's germs on that thing? Nobody likes stepping in poop. What kind of joint are you running here, he says? It got you a free drink, didn't it?

Yeah, sure did. Our old building guy's girlfriend, a coworker's girlfriend, threw up right in front of the front door and sadly another co-worker slipped. It was middle of winter, I should say, it froze. Somebody slipped in the fro. We had a name for it. I don't even know if I can say it anymore,

but it frozen was in there and puke was in there, and then there was a derogatory term in there. And so somebody slipped on that thing, and they like bruised their coxswit or something like that. Oh, no. That's not right. Yeah, I saw a guy end up in the hospital with stitches because he slipped on a frozen puke pile out on Lake Minnetonka

when we were ice fishing in high school. It was my wife's puke. My wife and I... My wife and I go all the way back to high school. We've known each other for 38 years or whatever at this point. But this is when we were just hanging out together in high school. And we're out ice fishing. North Arm, that's for your Lake Minnetonka people.

Out ice fishing on North Arm. And we're chewing tobacco in the fish house, high school kids, smoking those stupid swisher sweets, drinking beer. Yeah. And these chicks came out to visit us. One of them was my future wife. And they wanted to try chew. Hey, let me try that chew. So we gave them codyack and skull, whatever we had.

My future wife stepped outside the fish house and threw up all over the damn place from the chewing tobacco. Fast forward an hour. One of my buddies is full of southern comfort. He steps outside the fish house. to take a squeege, he slips in her puke, and cut the living hell out of the palm of his hand. Oh, geez. And they get stitches in the palm of his.

Yeah, the instance that our old building was just a bruised butt and a bruised ego. That's all they got. And, you know, we were looking for a name. We asked the brother and sisterhood to come up with a name of this chew poop combination here at our building, which also houses Love 105 and KQRS. And so fun-sized she just came up with K-Poo-N-E-T-C-E-T-U. Yeah.

So so far. That's the nickname for our poop slash chewing tobacco mascot. I just thoroughly enjoyed about 30 seconds ago, Josh, when you said out loud, poo-chew combination. I'll remember that. All right, on to the stupid news. We go. I don't know about the rest of you is,

but I still get confused when I hear someone make a comment about a Stanley Cup and it doesn't have Dick Ola to do with the next. National Hockey League. I'll tell you what, when those were all the rage and people were fighting over them at targets and stuff like that, just like you, I didn't get it either. I'd never heard of a Stanley Cup outside of hockey. So I was confused, too. Like, were they selling them?

I don't understand. I'm very familiar. Were you before the craze? Yeah. Are they, like, a crazy expensive, right? Yeah, are they any different than your standard, just type of thermist-style mug? No, it's like the one I have here, and this is a Bass Pro Shops one, and it works perfect. fine. I don't really get it.

I mean, some of the designs are pretty cool when they come out with like holiday additions. It's just the brand. You want to show off that you have the cool brand. Yeah. My mom had one before they were cool. Oh, she's a hipster. That's not a hipster thing, is it? That's more like a hipster had it after it was

cool. Yeah, I thought the... Oh, I was thinking of like the, you know, like, oh, I saw them back when this band was playing at a small venue before they sold out. Yeah, you're right. If you have that attitude. Hipsters like to claim something before it becomes a thing. You're right.

Whatever. I get lost a few years ago. This certain plastic water jug hit the market. They call it a Stanley Cup. It gets me turned around, Cubby. Well, they're expensive. I don't understand how one water jug could be any better than the next. And they're expensive, you say.

Like the one in this story here is like 60 bucks. Oh. I don't get it. As long as I can get the water to fall into my yap when I turn it upside down, what the hell do I need a certain brand name water jug for? But it doesn't matter. But it comes into play here for Stupid News Story. A 29-year-old woman's.

Somewhere's down in the southern United States. She was arrested on a misdemeanor charge. She goes by the name of Ariana. Don't you know? Word is Ariana allegedly stole a co-workers' 40-ounce Stanley Drinking Cup. It was a $60 cup. It was used. You know, it was being used.

It wasn't a brand new cup, if that means anything to you. Her coworker drank from it every day. Ariana liked the looks of it, so she allegedly stole it. She was caught. on her workplace security cameras, grabbing the jug, firing it into her lunchbox, and then leaving out the building with it. The story says it was no accident.

Ariana, Ariana, whatever the hell I'm saying, I don't know. Ariana made it known at work how much she admired her co-workers, Stanley Water Jug. That's weird. She even talked about it out loud, and here's what she said. a coworker claims that Ariana once pointed to the cup and said that cup would be great to hold my breast milks which is an interesting comment to make on the job. Yeah.

She's very specific there. Usually private bodily functions aren't brought up during casual work conversation like that. Like a dude saying, hey, you see Donnie's stocking cap over there? Yeah. Well, that'd be perfect to wipe my ass with when I'm out. deer hunting. You know what? Sounds like once the heat was on, Ariana simply

chose to get the F out. After her arrest, she quit her job. There's no word on if she ever returned the drinking jug, or if Ariana ever squirted her boob milk

into it. Just buy a cup. This chick disappeared. The cops were looking poor. They're trying to figure out what happened. What were they looking for? Yeah. No, you don't have a job? What's going on?

So, yeah, I was wondering. Originally, I thought she meant kind of she was pumping like Ashley, you know, does, and she wanted to store it in the Stanley Cup. But then I was wondering, maybe she's somebody who drinks it. You know, you hear sometimes from weight lifters or people to talk about all the health benefits of it. And you can buy it, right, Ashley? Yeah, obviously, like the guys that are big power.

Did your brother ever do that? He's big into powerlifting? Yes, my brother was at. and unfortunately still is into powerlifting. I never heard him say word one about boob milk. Yeah, I know one guy that did. And, you know, he was talking about how all the benefits that came from. I don't care if it got me into the Olympics.

I'm not drinking boob milk. The hell is a matter with you. I don't think I'd try it either. I can't believe the police are looking for this woman over stealing a $60 drinking. Well, they're concerned that she's disappeared. They're like, well, what happened to this late? It's a little odd.

Oh, well, she quit her job. They can't find her. Okay. Ah, man. All right. Come on. If there's anything I can do to put a stop to this nightmare from continuing, just tell me.

Because I've grown awful tired of this effing song and dance. Some dude in China. and it's almost always a dude. He came hobbling into the hospital. He needed help on the double because he had gone ahead and pushed a big fat potato up into his corn pocket. Baked or raw?

Raw. He pushed a potato up his can. Making some tater-toots up there. I guess it could have been like a bingerling potato. No, no, no, no, Ashley. Hang on. You got to see the x-ray. I don't know what you just said, but I assume that a fingerling is a very small potato.

Yeah. Uh-uh. Nah? Nah. I mean, what are we orangutans? Do orangutans or chimpanzees even do this, Josh? No. I don't know.

That's a good question. Are there animals? I mean, we've certainly heard animals we use things as sex toys. What do you mean? Wasn't it? What used a turtle? Was it a monkey or something that used a turtle as like a fleshlight of some sort? I can't remember.

No, I can't either. It does sound familiar. Or frog. Some animal was using another animal as a sex toy. But yeah, I don't know that we've ever talked about an animal keistering something. Why do we continue to do this to ourselves? I saw the x-ray and now I can just guess what kind of potato it is. Oh, is that right?

I'll try to fill you in and not trying to be cute with that. even if orangutans and chimpanzees do shove potatoes and random items up their cans, I bet we outnumber them. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah. I bet the human cases of this far outnumber the ape numbers. Why, I have no idea. This effing obviously disturbed Chinese fellow.

He's 61 years old. I'm guessing this is not his first anal rodeo. But he went a little too far this time. It says here he picked a real keeper as far as potatoes go. He went with a seven-incher, seven inches long, three inches around. And damn near every little bit of that spud was lodged in this poor guy's mud trumpet. So here we go again. It's usually one of two answers when these.

F-and-guys are asked what happened. It's either it was an accident or the other answer, I was bored. This Chinese guy, I guess, went with both. He told one doctor that the potato, he told one doctor that he bombed his own spokes with a potato out of boredom.

He told another doctor, I don't know what happened. It was an accident. So he went both routes. He said he blasted himself with this potato and then he faded off to sleep, he said. Passed out. We didn't up there. We just.

Yeah. You wake up. What's that feeling? Oh, right. I don't know about you, Josh. But if I potato my back door, I'm wide awake. Yeah, I'm going to make sure I get that out of there before I doze off. I would be unable to sleep with that sensation.

As you mentioned, he probably has experience. Yes. You know, so maybe this is nothing to him. He faded off to sleep soon after he woke up and he wasn't feeling quite right. He got down into the catcher's position to try to haul it out manually. That never works. It didn't. I said that like I know from experience.

Yeah, I was trying to figure that out. Like, hmm. He sat down on the throne and tried to poo it out. No dice there either, and that's when he upped and limped his sorry carcass over to the hospital. Those poor doctors. Those poor bastards. They didn't sign up for that. They tried some interesting tactics, too.

Now, I'm not sure what the hell they exactly did, but it says here they tried something to, quote, break up the potato. But it didn't work. I don't know, a pack of firecrackers or what did they use to try to break? The story also tells me they attempted to grab the dirty potato with a wine bottle opener. Oh, that's smart. I don't know what a wine bottle open. Did they mean like a corkscrew?

They just say wine bottle opener. I've never had a wine bottle in my life, so I'm not sure what that is. Yeah, I could twist that thing into the potato and maybe pull it out. I can I can picture the corkscrew gimmick that's dangerous Yeah you gotta be very delicate Yeah

So you think they drove a corkscrew into it And then pulled like hell Yeah I don't know if there's another I've never heard wine bottle opener Well it didn't work And that's when they knew they had to get The sharpest knife in the drawer And fillet

This guy They got it out of there he's going to live until next time. Yeah, I'm sure you're right. There will be a next time. He'll try it again. Maybe with one of those fingering potatoes you were talking about, Ash. Yeah, go a little bit smaller.

Good advice. But this just keeps going on and on and on and on. And it's got me aggravated. Doctors in the God-awful United Kingdom. All right. they had to warn people to ignore an old wives tale that said pushing a frozen potato up your devil's bottle cap was a cure for piles. And I don't know what piles is. Hemorrhoids. I think that's what they call them over there.

Oh, piles are hemorrhoids. So there was a stretch of time in the United Kingdom where people believed that if you pushed a frozen potato, into yourself, it would cure your hemorrhoids. And this website that had this terrible advice got very specific. It said, insert the frozen potato in your anus and leave it inside for 30 seconds. Repeat the process for three to five days. And doctors had to step up and say, no, no, no, don't do that. If this was on TikTok, every preteen in America would give it a shot.

Absolutely. Yeah, you're right about that. So, I don't know. I don't know what we can do. People just keep jamming different bizarre things in their doo-do puss. Seems like a popular pastime for some folks. You've got to have like a spotter or a buddy help you out. Or tie a string to some of this stuff.

Yeah, string. Definitely. Spotter's a good idea. When the hang and whack first became a thing, that was what I always heard from my buddies. Get a spotter. This one's going to be difficult for a guy like me. And I don't know what some of you are going to say.

You had no problem getting through the potato in the beehole. This is different. It's hard for me to even say the word out loud. I'll get it out of the way. Go ahead, sir. I'm sorry? Go ahead. Buggers.

There, I said it. What were you saying now? I was just going to say, I don't. have a problem really with boogers, but this one even got me. Yeah. This is horrible. This is absolutely horrible. Boogers,

I'll make it clear again. I'd rather you walk into a room and present me with your freshly severed limb than show me a booger. I can't handle it. It's part of the reason why I hate all of your children. Yeah, that makes sense.

To me, boogers are just the most disgust. So this year is just really bad. Some dude told a supposedly true story about himself on the godless internet. Something about what they call here his childhood booger wall. That's so gross. Did you hear what I? Childhood booger wall.

So here goes. Apparently when this dude was a kid, he would tear cargo out of his nose portals. and wipe it on the wall. In his bedroom, I imagine, I don't know. The specifics aren't there, but I think we can all safely assume he wasn't doing this in the hallway. He was doing it in his bedroom. After several years, and his parents must not be very attentive, but after several years, dude said he had accumulated so much booger material on the wall

It was pert near eight foot wide. That is so nasty. God help us, please. He said one day he fell backards up against the now spiky, hardened booger wall, and it ended up cutting his back and shoulders for him. Like falling into the spiky pit in mortal combat. This is not okay.

My stomach does not feel good. Yeah, I really don't enjoy this. He fell into his Jurassic Bougar wall and it cut him. Stop. This is awesome. That doesn't seem possible. Take it hard, man. Now, Dana, you're an interesting guy, but you never had a childhood bugger wall.

No, no, I've done some weird things in my life. I've never had a bugger wall. I remember when the Mary Jane girls sang to us about, or was that, no, Sheena Easton sang to us about her sugar walls. Do you remember that one, John? Yeah, that was dirty. Come and hang out in my sugar walls, she said. Sheena Easton, one of the most scorching hot creatures that ever blessed this planet.

At any rate, I thought it might be a good idea to do. Josh to distract for a minute there. Maybe someone or another who knows Sheena Easton could think about her beauty instead of this horror show that I'm... So, dude falls into his bugger wall. A week later, he's in the hospital with a severe staff infection. I say it serves him right for being a disgusting animal. There's a couple of parents who have... I won't out him, but who have texted and said their kid, they found a...

Their kid had a booger wall. That would no longer be my property. That child would no longer belong to me. I would turn him into, where do you turn a kid in? Fire station. Yeah. Yeah. So this dude with the booger wall story, he goes on to say the doctors had never seen anything like his situation before.

They had to go to his house and take samples from the booger wall to test it. They were wearing has. Masmat suits because the level of bacteria and whatnot coming off this wall was dangerous. It made this dude sick as balls. The bacteria from the wall got into his blood or whatever. He lived to tell the tale. I wish he wouldn't have, but he lived to tell the tale. And he says, quote, now I know the risks that come with booger walls.

Parents keep an eye on your kids, he said. Oh, shut up. You said enough. And after all, you're my booger wall. Dang it. Now, anytime I hear that song, that's what I'll be thinking of. Don't go to Minnesota United Game. Oh, they play that quite a bit.

They sing that song when they win. Well, you saved me. I'm canceling my season ticket. Yeah, I was going to say, I can't picture you at a soccer match, but just be. be mindful of it in case you end up there as your kids or something. Nick, you find out your kid has a booger wall or he stuck a root vegetable up his back door. Which one are you more disappointed in?

Booger wall. I'm like I already explained. It's the ultimate evil to me. I'm turning that one in. I've never, ever heard anything like that before. That was so horrible. So horrible. What does this text message say?

God, help us all CFH Baseball. player Jesus. He texted in to say when his grandma checked out, they were cleaning out her apartment and every table in the living room had boogers plastered to the underside. What is wrong with people? I don't know. This person says I worked at a VA hospital. One of the lab techs had a booger wall. He would take his breaks and make phone calls and white boogers on the wall. I think you should be placed. I think you should be instantly placed, immediately placed against your will in an insane asylum. Yeah, you can kill them if you want to.

I would say 10% of walls above urinals have some sort of booger on it, which is pretty nasty. Because you're face-to-face with that. Yeah, there was one that lived at the American Legion in Wisetta for about 40 years. It was only recently painted over. It lived right above the pisser at the Wiseta Legion for about 35, easily 35 years. And I don't blame the staff for never wanting to come anywhere near. it. I get tired of wiping dog slobber off our walls.

I'll tell you that much. They shake their heads and dogs slobber and stuff goes everywhere. Oh, those are big dogs, too. Honestly, it's like a weekly thing you have to do. Oh. There's boogers involved. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should, too. An AC Tuneup means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC Tuneup or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day.

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They start screaming. Isn't that hilarious? $60. Ah! Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-ass morning show. Due to some sexual content, parental discretion is advised. On 93X.

We're getting there now. We are, and we're getting there. While hand in hand with one of our best friends, world-class entertainer C. Willie Miles, thank you again for swinging by C. Willie. Absolutely. And we were serious, you know, if you want to join us on the boat ride tonight,

you're more than welcome. What are we taking out from, St. Paul? Yeah, St. Paul. Get on the boat, this way, that way, back to St. Paul, go home. Got a band on there. It's actually two boats. Whoa. So you got the.

nude side and oh I'm sorry you can't be nude you got the loud side with the band and then you got the other side with the food and whatnot couple levels on that yeah let us know I'll be with the food side yeah that's where I like to start it's Lucky's 13 they provide the food tonight

some good stuff give us a word up on that one way or the other see Willie Miles we want to thank everyone again for making this whole gimmick possible thanks to our listeners for taking an interest in buying tickets Without them, it wouldn't be a thing. Josh mentioned what the hell is the name of the joint again?

Lucky's 13. Anytime bail bonds, thank you. That's so convenient, isn't it? Anytime bail bonds, they're right there. I like to keep an eye on them, just in case I got to grab one quickly. Haddelford Riverboats, Jell. We want to thank the band Jell. They're loading their gear up as we speak.

They're going to be playing live tonight. Did I forget anybody? I don't think so. I think we got it all there. Tonight's the night for the Infect the River Boat Party. Yeah, seriously, though, thank you for buying tickets. I mean, shoot, people got on that quick and sold out. It's going to be a lot of fun.

This is definitely my favorite event of the year. Are you a little less nervous now about it? Oh, I'm still incredibly nervous. But, yeah, it'll be fun. Incredibly nervous. I still want to screw it up. You said there's so much positivity in your voice. Well, yeah, you know, I have a good attitude.

How would you screw it up? How would you... Well, what if I just, you know, say something stupid, or don't represent the station in the right way. You talk professionally for a living on the radio every day for the last 30 years. I'm very comfortable with you guys, and I'm used to seeing the disappointment in your face. When I see it in new people's faces, it hurts.

I decided to F with Josh a little bit earlier. He is nervous about how he might come off tonight. He thinks that something he might say would ruin the whole event, and it'll just can the whole thing. So after we had our first on-air conversation this morning, He said, God, did I sound kind of stupid in our first break? And I said, well, you were okay. I said, but I got to warn you, if you come off that way tonight on the boat.

If you come off on the boat tonight, the way you did in our first break, you're probably going to ruin everything. So you planted a seed. Yeah, I did. He's good at that. A little seed of doubt. And sometimes he's so clever with these, where it'll take a second. Like maybe I walk out of the room to fill up a water bottle or something. something. And as the door opens, I go, oh my God, he just insulted me carefully. I didn't even

pick up on that. He's so good at sneaking that in. I do enjoy torturing you a little bit. I do. Earlier, we were talking about fistfights at work. And we asked our listeners, did you ever have to kick somebody's ass at work? Did you ever have to engage in a real fist fight at work? The text machine has told me that plenty of you have had to scrap on the job. I want to blow through a few of these real quick, because I appreciate folks getting involved. Have you had to fight at work? This is back dimples shezes.

She's at work and one of her co-workers called her sister a slut. So back dimples, sheezes hid in the bushes in the parking lot at work. That's awesome. And when this co-worker

left, she beat her ass and she says, yes, I got fired. Because that was part of the question was, did you get in a fist fight at work? Did you keep your job? In this case, no. She jumped out of the bushes, Josh. It's like it was nom or something. I'm picturing you and your, I mean, they're tight sisters, obviously. That could have been taken dirty. I didn't mean it that way. You and your brother have the type of relationship where I could see you hiding in the bushes and attacking your brother, your old brother when he leaves work. Oh, there were times where

we had, you know, square-offs where my brother was beside me at first, and then he joined the other side. Oh, no. Oh, no. Hey, bro, where are you going? You're right. I would jump out of the woods to help someone whoop my brother. I would. Wow. Okay, so not all of this is firsthand, or I should say, you know, you're the one throwing the hands. Some of these people that taxi didn't witness to fight at work. Close enough.

Here's a listener who witnessed a couple co-workers fighting over how to dig a hole. One decided they'd wait for the excavator. The other started hand-digging the hole. It ended with one of them choking the other out like Homer and Bart. Do you have the ones in there that involve weapons? Well, I have one that involves a weapon. Let me see about it. Yes, here it is.

argument at work about a difference between a sedan and an SUV. Hello. A knife was brought into the mix and that guy with the knife got fired. Yeah, that's the one. And there's somebody else that went after, they didn't say what prompted it, but somebody else said they witnessed one of their

co-workers go after another with a hammer. Oh, no. I missed that. Come on. Here's a guy, worked at a bar. He and this other character. worked different shifts at the bar. They crossed paths one day. This is the listener speaking.

Dude jumped across the counter and literally attacked me. We were bouncing off the tables. It was pretty crazy. I had to throw him to the ground to stop him. He was fired. I worked the next day. Wow. Chugged up plumber Jesus said his first week of work when he moved to Arizona.

He watched two plumbers beat the hell out of each other in a trench they were digging. He said he just kept working as they hit each other with scratch. pieces of pipe. I got a job to do. Right. And I'm going to get a raise because I'm going to be working alone tomorrow. Very dramatic here as we're reading text messages from our listeners on fights. They've experienced well at work.

Real deal physical fights. Now, very dramatic here. I was in a, oh, we're going to be jealous right from the get-go because Josh and I have always wanted to pilot a scissor lift. Yes, that'd be awesome. We had an opportunity here for a while. there was a company next door that gave us a chance, and I don't know, we got tired and went home or something, but right? There was a company next door that was driving.

We missed him. I think we had a meeting or something. Yeah. You ever driven a scissor lift? See, Willie Wilde? No. Okay. I was in a scissor lift, the listener says,

setting windows three stories up. Damn. My partner was inside the building. He was grabbing the windows from me. He was running his mouth. I chucked one of the windows to the ground, hopped through the window opening, and beat his ass. That's like in a movie.

The boss thought it was funny, didn't like the other guy, so he got fired. Happy Friday. Wow. You ditched that window. Just smashed that on the ground, hop through the opening in the building, and beat his... And I love that the other guy got fired.

That's awesome. I'm sure the guy was holding the window. It was heavy. Yeah. And the other guy wasn't paying attention. You know what? This is worth a drop window and a drop kick. Concrete is how you say it.

Concrete job site. Dude mouthed off. I beat his ass. I got fired and it was worth it. That's Wiscoe Gear Jamming Jesus. I've said it before. So when I landscape, we didn't do too much concrete work, but when we did, friends became enemies very quick.

And swear word combinations, I'd never heard on that. Just all the stress trying to. to get that done right. And they didn't let me touch the concrete when I did landscaping. Ah, Dan, go have a water break. Sit this one out, pal. You probably made too many cream jokes. Yeah. I bet they kicked you out for that reason.

Yeah, go ahead and mix up that cream. Yeah, just like that. Yeah, trawl that. Troll it. I see more people texting in about fighting at work. My God. Sorry that had to happen. Sorry you had to throw hands at work, but it sounds like some of you are quite sad.

with what went down and then I'm cool with that too. Everybody's got their own view of things. Here's a listener who texted in and said, I've never been in a fight, like a legit fistfight at work. But the HR department once had to pull me aside and tell me that two hands around someone's neck is not a hug. So he got his hands around that some bitch's neck. Right.

Show me the definition. Not a hug. Oh, wow. Appreciate all the texts. I love that stuff. All right. And holler at me, Josh. If you get any fresh ones, I love that subject. I can't believe how many of these have had to throw hands. There's a lot of people. Some of them got pretty bad. While we're awaiting maybe another fight story,

let's see what's going on over there at Google. See Willie Miles. When's the last time you Googled something, if ever? I probably Google some almost every day. I do. I do too. It's usually if I know we're going to maybe talk about a band or a team or an athlete, I might Google them real quickly to see it. Sure, it's pretty common.

I Google, like I know next week I'm going out to Dickinson, North Dakota for a show. And I googled the hotel where I'm staying in the surrounding areas where I, you know, I can eat. Sure. That kind of stuff. That's what I use Google for. Sure. Work purposes.

We use it mostly for work purposes, but sometimes in my private time, I'll look up, you know, well, I guess I can tell you. The last time I Googled anything, yesterday, I was just Googling Leonard Skinnerd and some of their songs. Josh, I'm the kind of nut job music fan where when I hear a song from a band, I need to know what album it came off of. And if I don't know that information, I will look it up. So I was listening to one of my favorite Leonard Skinnerd songs the other day. The other day is how you say it. The Ballad of Curtis Lowe. I loved that song. And I wanted to try to remember what album it was from. So I googled it. And the answer, I think, was second helping. Anyway, sometimes people Google really weird things.

Google has added this up for us and released a report. Google, has for us here the top five weirdest. How should I say this? Oh, I got it. Google looked up the top five searches that start with Is it Weird to Blank? That's what they did. They looked up the top five searches. Is it weird to like blank? Oh, I'm sorry. I'm really gone showing this. Google

looked at the top searches that start with is it weird to like blank? Yes. Is it weird to like blank? It is fun sometimes just to type a little slower to see the suggestions it gives you and then wonder, who was Googling that? And I know sometimes it will be something related to what you did, but you can look down and see, like, no, these are like the most common Google questions that start this way. Okay. The most common Google searches. The top five that start with, is it weird to like blank?

Number one, is it weird to like the taste of blood? I think so, yeah. Well, it's not drinkable. Not anything that I would voluntarily put to my lips. Or encourage anyone to do. No, I wouldn't encourage anyone. But it says here some people enjoy that metallic taste. I know that taste because I've been punched in the mouth a couple times.

So number one I've never I mean Ashley's told us she has a blood fetish but she doesn't mention like wanting to drink blood or anything like that I can't say I've had anybody

say they're interested in something like that okay is it weird to like the taste of blood is number one oh Christ is it weird to like the smell of your own farts come on

no So disgusting. You know, it's interesting, though, that somebody was concerned enough that they had to Google it. I'm really enjoying this, like, to the point where I better consult an expert. I can't ask my best friend this. I need to go to Google. I mean, this stuff's awesome, and I got to find out if other people feel the same. Am I out of my mind?

Am I minutes away from going on a killing spree? Is it weird that I like the, is it weird to like the smell of your own farts? Please stop talking like that. Don't talk like that. Don't ask that question. Wow. Is it weird to like the smell of gasoline? I love the smell of gasoline.

Yeah, me too. Who doesn't? Regular diesel. You do not like the smell? I do not like the smell. I do not like the smell. One time I was at a gas station and someone had spilled gas and I obviously was pumping gas in my car and I was standing in it. And I got in my car and was smelling gas.

I literally drove to the car. wash. Okay. And had them do my, the vacuum and shampoo my, yeah, and this is a true story. Through the tennis shoes away. You did? Yeah. So, you really don't,

so, like, mowing the lawn, you don't, nothing like that? I love all the combinations. I don't mow. I pay people to do that. I don't want to sound boogey or anything, but, yeah, I don't do that. All right, this person must be either they don't know,

or they do know with this particular text. They know what they're doing to you, Nick, or they're just unaware, not aware. Hit me with it. Everybody likes their own brand when it comes to the smell of us. The son of a bunch. Everybody likes their own brand. One of the worst things I've ever heard said out loud.

Years ago, Josh and I heard a guy say that out loud. Everyone loves the flavor of their own brand. I do not. Oh, I wanted to throw up and punch the living hell out of this person. Stop. To be quite honest, I don't know what my farts. smells like I will go in a room and fart and walk away from me. I'll leave that up to someone else.

I'm a professional. It's yours now. I'm out. I'm sure the old lady appreciates that. Yeah, my wife will she'll tell you that. Like, she says, I know he farge, but he will not fart in front of me. You know, and I will walk in another room because I respect people. That's against the rules in my household as well.

I don't want to even get started on it. Don't even get me started on these people who. play fart games with each other. Oh, my God. Grown, married couples. It's disgusting. And grown men. What they're doing is wrong. Yes, grown men. Let's close this out again. Google added

up and through this our way. The most common searches that begin with, is it weird to like blank? Is it weird to like being called a good boy is next on the list? I'll tell you that the middle

schoolers now are using that to mess with their friends. Like an insult? Yeah, yeah, kind of. Like if I said, hey, do you mind handing me that right there? It's right next to you? And you hand it to me and I'll go, good boy, good boy. Yeah, you told me.

As if I control you at this point. Yeah, it's some kind of ball-busting insult. Yeah, you mentioned. And what my son didn't realize is now I will do nothing for him. Absolutely nothing. I told you're not going to get me. Oh, yeah. You want me to get you some water?

Not going to do it. I'm not going to do anything for you. Finally, on the list here, Josh, is it weird to like spiders? You do not like spiders. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, not at all. I don't know if it's weird, but I do not. No. My wife and I will stay together forever because she'll kill any spider.

The good boy thing, you know, I like it for whatever reason, and I hope this doesn't come across as weird, but like if you're checking out at a gas station and the old lady says, thanks for coming in, hon, or honey or something like that, I don't know why. It just kind of makes me feel all warm inside. Like it's, like, I don't know, it makes me happy. Okay.

Not in a dirty way. It's the little things when they call you hon or deer. That's a day bright. Yeah, deer. It's a day bright. Well, for Christ's sake, I think everyone on the boat tonight should greet Josh by saying, Good evening, honey. Hey, hon.

Good to see you. We've got to take a break. We'll be right back. A lot of people get on Google and they, I guess, are concerned about maybe a bad habit or a craving that they have. And they search, is it weird to like blank? So many people use that setup. for a Google search that Google themselves coughed up like a top five most common. Is it weird to like blank Google searches?

One of them was, is it weird to like the smell of gasoline? Common search by people on Google. Is it weird to like the smell of gasoline? We all do, with the exception to see Willie Miles. Josh mentioned it's part of his enjoyment of mowing. Yeah. Smelling the gas. And the grass.

What's the old saying again, Josh? Ask gas or grass. Nobody rides for free. Or maybe I got the order on. Here's a listener who says, I have a battery lawnmower now, but I sprinkle some two-stroke on that sum bitch just to get that smear. Another of the searches, another of the searches was, is it weird to like the taste of blood?

We were all a little creeped out by that. One listener did text in to say, well, I like the taste of blood in my clam chowder. Oh. Wow. That's the second time this week that's come up. Really? Yeah.

Kind of concerned about myself now. All right. For Christ's sake. See, Willie Miles has a big show tonight. Or, pardon me, tomorrow night. Tomorrow night. Tell us about your show tomorrow night. Carooners.

Word. Your home away from home. Home away from home. Yeah, do you got a parking spot there? Yes, I do. Right underneath the light outside the main door. I love that. before me, do not park there, you will be towed.

That's for the mayor parks. That's right. That's where a big daddy parked. You need to light. Find my car. So I'm going to be there doing my new show called Face the Funny. So it's going to be great, man. We're looking forward to hearing all about it next time we see you.

Yeah, here's a guy who hasn't paid for a drink at crooners and how long? Ever. Forever. Well, that's awesome. Josh, is there any information? information you think any of our party goers might need to know about tonight's Infect the River Boat Party, other than the fact that you are incredibly nervous about tonight. Yeah, I'm looking forward to meeting you.

I'm doing my best. You know, I'm going to do my best, so I try not to judge too much. But, yeah, I would say the most important things are make sure you got your ID. Sure. You're going to need that to get on. Make sure you're there sometime between 6 and 630 at the latest because they start boarding at 630. and there's nothing we can do about it. They take off at seven.

They have a very strict schedule with Paddleford. They have to get off, you know, start going at seven. I mean, even if we're late, and it's, you know, our 93X event, they will leave without us. They know the route. Every time we have one of these booze cruises, I crave the sight of a few people running and we're running and wait. No, as we pull away from the dock,

I so badly want that to happen. I want to leave someone behind. But everyone usually follows your advice and they get there early. Yeah, I hate for somebody to miss it. Oh, you wouldn't find the fun in watching some sorry some bitch on the dock saying, come on back, please. Well, that would be kind of funny. Yeah, yeah, we give them the fingers.

Especially if somebody's not paying attention, they're staring at the boat and not where they're going and they run off the dock. That would add some extra comedy. Should have been on time. Loser is what we'll say on the boat as we're cruising away. The food is included. Drinks are not. So, you know, and they're drink prices, whatever. a drink prices. That's what it is.

I think that's pretty much everything. I think you got it. And obviously, you don't be responsible. You're an adult, you get it, but just in case you need to hear it again. We don't need pricks ruining our good time. It's going to be great. We're looking forward to it. And again, thank everyone for helping itself

with the bit. Very much. Thank you for being fired. I've seen people get left. When I worked a cruise ship, yeah? I've seen people. Dude. The cruise ship will not wait for you. Suitcases and sun tanned lotion. Well, no. I mean, we We docked for a four-hour deal, and they told you, you have to be back. Oh.

And you see people running. I'm standing back up on the high deck going, they're not turning around, babe. What the hell were you doing? You got to make. You know where they're going next. Get a flight. Yeah. Need us there.

They'll let you back on the boat. Lucky bastard. You've seen that in person. I've seen it. Several, every time we've left port. You see people going, wait. Like they went too far. It's beautiful.

Yeah. beautiful story. You know what we'll do, Nick? They'll never give us a heads up if we get fired, but let's say they do. Just because I want you to experience this once, the very last booze cruise we ever do, let's leave 20 minutes early. So you have a better chance

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