93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): No Snack For You

Episode Date: December 22, 2025

The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Cubby, I grabbed a stocking cap on my way out the door, and I'm wearing socks. Yeah, that'll say it's cold out. If you're wearing socks, the weather has significantly changed. It is cold. It's kind of cold in this building, too. Grabbed a stocking cap on. my way out the door, put on a pair of socks. I'm wearing my good drawers, too, the ones that aren't completely transparent. Oh, nice. The ones that offer some level of resistance.

Because we're getting there. At least for a day or two, she's going to be a little chilly. And today, I read 40 to 50 mile per hour wind gusts and whatnot. So hang on to your ass, I guess, especially you tough guys working out of doors. Obviously, it's going to get much, much worse than this, but that first little bit of chill in the air, it always hits you like it's brand new this time of year. It always kind of takes you by surprise, hits you like it's brand new. Sometimes it takes a couple days for your body to remember.

Okay, we've been here before. Yeah, yeah. Hey, speaking of big barrel-ass tough guy, blue collar types, You want to start an argument right away? Says here, landscapers are the fittest, toughest, sexiest of all the tradespeople and all the others are sloppy, unattractive plugs. What do you make of that?

Well, as someone who landscaped for quite a few years, I'm going to strongly disagree if we take me as an example. Actually, now I think about it, if you take anybody I work with as an example. weren't exactly the sexiest crew in town. None of us were going to be body doubles and fight club, that's for sure. They're the fittest. Yeah, if they mean fit.

Fit versus just like twisted steel. They're tight. They're fit. I don't know. There's a lot of jobs, I think, that would go right along with that. Landscapers being the fittest. The fittest and the toughest and the sexiest. And everyone else sucks, according to this article here.

But article keeps getting more mean towards other trades. does. I was the best shape of my life when I landscape, but it was because I was 17 and had a metabolism that it could fire through $20 of fast food and not gain a pound. So I think that probably had more to do with it than what I was doing for a living at the time. If you have any comments on this, our Luther Bloomington Kia text line is 651-989-93. What do you make of the statement that landscapers are the fittest and the toughest? Runs in the dark, Jesus said any other trade will certainly attest that electricians are sloppy pigs. Now, that's not what we're talking about.

So you weren't the fittest landscaper, Josh, and neither were any of the dudes you were working with? Well, I was certainly in the best shape of my life, but I think compared to some other folks, it wouldn't be that impressive. I don't even know that was considered a trade. You didn't think that landscaping was considered a trade? No, because I thought they were trades because you had to go to trade school for it. Do you have to do that for landscaping? Well, I didn't. I mean, I'm sure if you're planning things out, my boss was very well trained.

He, like, trained in Japan or something for... That is so neat. Specialized Japanese stuff. I mean, he was doing all kinds of crazy things. We worked on the richest of the richest. Richest, like out kind of by you, Nick, Lake Minnetonka area, all that. Word. Where I had no idea.

There was that much money in Minnesota until I started landscaping with those. Your boss? What a beast. Your boss went all the way. Where'd you go to school for this? UMD. Now, Japan, for Christ's saying. Yeah, he was here, then Japan.

He used to drive. So he and the, like my boss on site were both best friends. But they would drive each other nuts. And so, like, you know, my supervisor would always tell the owner, you can't be on site when we're working. Because we'd be taking wheelbarrows full of dirt going over a sidewalk, and my big boss would be sweeping the sidewalk as we're doing it. I mean, so he would sit there and really not be accomplishing anything. And it's like, hey, help us plant some stuff or whatever.

Instead of just sweeping this thing off that's going to get dirty in a second and a half, watching those two guys yell at each other was very entertaining. A few people that are texting in already. Tell us what you think about this article, about landscapers being the fittest. and the most badass of all the tradesmen. Here's a text that says, what about construction? That's a tough job.

Certainly is. Certainly is. But this article specifically is dealing with who's the most ripped. You know what I'm talking about? They're cut, Cubby. The abs and everything. The lats.

What else do I have up here? Traps. Traps. You got traps. And they're tough. Former baggage handling Jesus said his girlfriend does landscaping and she is badass and quite gorgeous he adds she's quite gorgeous quite gorgeous it's funny though when you said you know when you were a landscaper and the fellers that

you work with weren't exactly the uh the fittest crowd um that's why i always chuckle when women fawn over um firemen oh fireman this fireman that i picture the fireman that i know Yeah. Those guys couldn't get laid with a thousand-dollar bill hanging out their zipper, the firemen that I know. Who does that calendar every year? Is it the St. Paul Fire Department? I'm sure there's more than one. But, yeah, no, those men are, they're like the...

They're the gold standard. Yeah. This person, this is Steelers fan, Jesus. Welders are in the worst shape. That's because they are all raging alcoholics who hate their lives. Sincerely, Welder. My brother tells a great story about when we were young. He took a job.

My brother took a job at a big old, I think you call it a nursery, not where there's babies rolling around on the floor covered in feces, but flowers and plants everywhere. Isn't that a nursery? Yeah, like gardens or something. Sure. Big old buildings filled with. growing things and my brother was on the maintenance crew or whatever so he had to fix this thing

and fix that thing and at times they had to weld and one of his bros at the job site you know you learned a lot of these things on the fly a lot of these different tasks welding or whatever the hell else might be going on my brother comes around the corner and his work bro is welding without a mask. But that's like the coolest part of welding. I agree. Those are awesome. Lippin that mask down? You look like Iron Man.

Yeah, you do. You look like a damn evil superhero or something. The one thing I know about welding is you put that mask on. Oh, my God. I want to go to go to those guys that airbrushes goalie masks and just have just a really cool design on that. Oh, I love seeing the cool ones. So my brother comes around the corner and there's his bro welding without a mask.

And he says, dude, you got to turn that thing off, you know, all that. The next day he asked that dude. So, how'd you sleep last night? And the guy's like, he couldn't. I didn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that glow, you know, and it about killed him. And he got to know what you're doing. All right, so electrician Jesus doesn't like all the jabs at electricians.

He said, I can't even see the other trades from way up here on my throne. You can't hurt me. And on top of that, he said, landscapers are not tradesmen. To be a tradesman, you need a skill, not just a strong back. True tradesmen have super crappy backs. Yeah, well, they do mention that in here. They do. That kind of goes hand in hand.

So, tradespeople were polled to get the results of this article. And so it was tradespeople themselves. who fingered landscapers as the fittest of them all. And they talked about things like the number of heavy items lifted a day, your daily step count. They even factored in healthy meals. I don't know what the hell some of this stuff is. We didn't eat healthy meals, that's for sure.

That was a glory part of the job. Driving between jobs and jobs we're eating complete garbage. Although they did teach me about fudruckers, so not all garbage. Beautiful. Who was it in here? I'm trying to find it, because they do mention back issues. And I'll get there. Others that are mentioned in here as the fittest tradespeople, plumbers,

finish second behind landscapers. Who else is in here? Carpenters come in next. the folks who got the worst review, the tradesmen who got the worst review as far as being fit, tough, badass, sexy. The worst were painters and decorators. Painters and decorators.

Says here, just nothing but potheads. I think a painter, I mean, that'd be tough. I hate it. I mean, climbing up and down ladders. Hate it. Never. Just your arms are extended above your head all the time. Oh, that would get so tired. I mean, I love painting, but I like painting my own house because then I have the finished product. I can't stand it. I can't stand it.

I've mentioned it before. I did it once. I'll never do. I did it once 25 years ago. I painted the basement of my own home and I hated it so much. I will never do it again. And I've stuck by that. I will never, I won't paint, give me the smallest household item. I won't paint it. I won't do it. Paint this toothbrush for me. I won't do it. I was on a painting crew for one summer in college,

and we were so awful and was so miserable. I do remember we painted one house in particular, and then the next summer I was back home in Egan. I was driving past that house. I was like, oh, I'm coming up here. That's the house we painted. They already put a new siding. We did such a poor job.

They hated it. We did such a poor job that within one year, they decided, no, this is undoable. Let's go with the aluminum side. Let's go with the aluminum. Have you guys ever used, like, those spray painters? Yes. No.

Those are so much fun. Yes. Are those difficult to make look good if you don't know what you're doing? No. No, no, no. See, I would think, I wanted to rent one of those when we had a lot to do, but I was too nervous to screw it up. I was even able, Josh, I was even able to operate one of those pigs.

Yeah, you just have to make sure you've got a good, a good mask going on because The one time I did use one of those to spray my living room, I didn't have the best mask in the world. And I think I was high for like three days. I think I forgot three years of my life from not wearing a good enough mask while spray painting. Really huge railing. It was like the world's largest railing. And so it was completely rusty. So I'm like getting sanding off the rust, putting that stuff on there.

Honestly, I thought, uh-oh, I think I'm going to kill myself here. It got so bad. Jay said as a tradesman, my greatest skill is yawning with my mouth closed during meetings. All right, take a guess now. Which of the tradesmen, on average, which of them does the most heavy lifting per day? Carpenters? No. Roofers?

No. That'd be tough. Being a roofer. I like watching those guys work, man. All of this stuff is just tough, tough duty. Yeah, the roofers look like they're having fun, and I'd like to try it. They go so freaking fast. Yeah.

It's so efficient. My, I'm sure I would lag far, far behind, but it does look like fun. Okay, which one do you think lifts the most heavy items a day? Cubby, you didn't get a guess in. Well, I saw the. Oh, you did see the, you always see everything. Well, it gets sent to us. Brick layers.

Oh, yeah, duh. That makes sense. It didn't even cross my mind. Now, this report on the sexiest, toughest, most badass, most fit of all the tradespeople, landscapers is the answer, according to the article. This article also talked about the injuries that these poor bastards suffer over the years. When you're not busy arguing on our text machine and making antagonistic comments on our text machine about who, are the finest of all the tradespeople,

651, 989, 93, feel free to tell us about your injuries. Ooh, I bet that stuff is interesting to read. Oh, gosh, my dad's, he's been a carpenter my whole entire life, and the stuff he's came home with, I mean, the other day, because he still works, even though he's retired. I pointed at something on his arm, just this huge bruise that looked bad, and he's like, oh, yeah, that was, yeah, I was doing this.

this and this and this the other day. He always has these mysterious bruises and cuts. His back is always cooked. Does he get his ass kicked at work? Like at the boys corner him and just beat his ass, maybe? That's what's going. Is there a fight club over there at the... Man, yeah, working with bricks and pavers and stuff like that.

That's tough work. Oh, I'd lose a finger within a half hour. Sometimes it takes just barely anything. You get your finger pinch between two pavers, and it seems like it shouldn't be a big deal, but my God, that hurts. It's a debilitating pavers. I know, Nick, you and I used the same floor guy, and just watching him carry in the pallets of floor. You know, I'm like, well, can I give you a hand?

And I, you know, insurance reasons or whatever, I couldn't. But just watching him carry these things in, just getting ready for a job. I have so much respect for tradesmen for so many reasons. But even getting ready for a job seems like a job in itself. The dude was caught in a pretty good sweat. Oh, yeah. I slept through most of it, though. Did you really?

Yeah, I just went straight to bed. He's not very good. He did, too. I noticed him napping. a bit. But just carrying in all the product, carrying in all the tools, things like that, that's too much. So heavy. So here's where the back injury stuff comes

into play. I told you earlier that I knew there was some information in here about back injuries. I know a couple of tradespeople, Josh, and they're constantly claiming that they need to get a backiotomy. And I don't know if that's a real thing. The most

common injury amongst tradespeople is the back 52% of a them have some kind of a back injury bothering them. That seems low. I feel like that should be even higher. Damn near every one of them.

Yeah, my ex-husband, he was, he did acoustical ceilings for a living. And his back was already just destroyed by 25. It's like, you are not going to make it long. Did he have just powerful shoulders? Yeah, yeah, he did. I don't know how you do that, just having your, like, painters. having your arms above your head all day? No, thank you.

Yeah, or the guys putting drywall up on ceilings, like he said. I mean, my goodness. OSR. Jesus has texted into the program. He says his brother has been a carpenter for 25 years and his nickname is Fingers. Because, shockingly, he still has all of his. What the hell is this? It's a joke about painters. Yeah, I thought it was going to be something we could use.

it was a joke about how do you get a painter to pass a drug test? Maybe I can get back to you on this. I don't get the punchline. How do you get a painter to pass a drug test? Oh, OJ. Jesus, oil workers. What about oil workers? They're in a different league. There's no job like that.

Yeah, watch Landman. Watch those guys. I want to say, do you see it's coming back next month? Yeah. I'm so excited. Yeah, I love that show. That's a gig that never enters my mind. Never enters my mind.

Not a lot of oil fields in Minnesota. Yeah, my friend's dad, he worked out in Alaska, and so he'd come back, you know, every once in a while to see his son. Or his son would go there, too. It was kind of cool. In the summers, he'd go out there with his dad, but his dad was jacked. I mean, I remember this is fifth and sixth grade thinking that's one of the toughest guys I've ever seen in my entire life. Like that joke, or not that joke, but the line you use as a kid, my dad could kick your dad's butt. That guy actually had merit there.

Oh, yeah, yeah. He could say it. He could get away with that bumper sticker, that's for sure. Truck drivers have the worst backs, according to one of our listeners, because they carry the entire country on their friggin shoulders. True. Iron workers. Crazyest some bitches I've ever met in my life.

Iron workers? Yep. Two of my brothers are iron workers, and they are insane. Absolutely. The craziest, most lawless group I've ever hung out with in my life. And this weekend, I might be going to see my old iron worker, buddy. And I'm a little nervous about it. Because I haven't seen him in years.

Doesn't everybody have or at least one time had a buddy who you were always a little nervous about what was going to happen? Oh, Jesus. This is the guy. Yeah, this is the guy. Haven't seen him in years and I've heard he's only gotten more crazy. Oh, really? He hasn't settled down over the years? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ironworkers have always been insane, too. Yeah. Because back in the day, I don't even know how. long ago, they would just be up there high as hell in the sky with no type of tie off on, just running around steel beams. Like, you have to be slightly insane to do that. Yeah, yeah. And what shocked me was, with all of that said, Ashley, the high risk of their occupation,

you would think that they'd maybe get an hour or so sleep. Nope. Uh-uh. No. Well, we'll just pop a few of these pills and snort a line of this and then drink a little bit of that. That'll be an hour? Yeah, I'll get a half hour maybe. I'll be right back up there.

That's the crowd I hung out with. At least I'm not trying to, what's the word? I'm not trying to stereotype. That's just my experience. And I thought, my damn. These guys are totally insane. Have you guys heard of train wrecking? No.

No. This person says there's a line of work called. train wrecking people who show up when a train derails and clean it up. Oh, God. Sometimes we'd work over 24-hour, or excuse me, 25 hours straight. Dude. Those guys are out there lifting train cars. Yeah, they are.

That's impressed. Right over their heads. That's like Superman stuff. Right over their friggin' heads. Oh, God. I almost effed it up. Yeah, wake up and win some free monies here. Here's your shot at winning $1,000 with 5K a day.

95819 is the number to punch into your telephone. Text the national keyword money to 95819. Now to enter for a chance to win. We'll text your sad ass back. To confirm your existence, data and messaging rates might go ahead and apply. Only total losers text and drive. Good luck by God, the 5K a day. Keep a heads up for that.

So there you go. I got a question about truckers, and maybe it depends on the job, but how often did they have to load or unload the trailer? Being the son of a truck driver, my old man, that was pretty rare. Hooking and unhooking your trailers and such, that was his job, but the unloading part was not his job. Now, I can't say that was every time,

but that's what I remember, Josh, about past conversations. We've got by my house, every day I drive by a ton of them because we've got an Amazon shipping facility, the post office, UPS, a whole bunch of stuff right in one area that I drive by a couple times a day. And it's impressive watching these guys kind of move around. There's times I'm like, well, he's never going to make that. How the hell did he make that turn? You know, seeing stuff like that.

Quite, actually over here on campus, for whatever reason, you tend to see a lot of truckers. And weaving through those tight areas, and everything. That's impressive. Now, you would love my mom works at FedEx Ground, and every year they do kind of like a truck driving championship type of thing. Sure.

They all compete. You would absolutely love to attend something like that. They do that here? Yeah, it's a lot of like skills. Oh, yeah, I want to watch that. It's like an obstacle course? I don't know if I can say where, but a company let me drive a semi. It didn't have a trailer attached to it, and that was an incredible amount of fun.

Oh, did you feel so powerful? Well, I was super. I was like, are you sure I can do? I was pretty nervous about it, but yeah, it was awesome. How many times you just ripped that air hard? Well, I think they probably would have kicked me out. I never even tried. Oh, I would have been two times.

But, you know, Cubby, your question about whether or not truckers deliver their own loads and don't get cute with that. It's my, oh, it's my, by the way, it's my dad's birthday today. Oh, happy birthday to him. If he was still around, he'd be 84, I believe. Back to your question about whether or not they unload their own trailers. Of course, my dad always worked for a company. He drove for yellow. He drove for Transcon.

I'm trying to think of the other companies he drove for. But an independent driver, I believe that's a totally different story. Yeah, so a lot of people are texting on the topic. Thank you to the truckers listening this morning. And it's varying, but it seems like a lot of them do. kind of depending on the load. Oh, I lost one here. HVAC delivery, Jesus,

has to load and unload everything. Furnaces, ACs, boilers, water heaters. And if the old man was still alive, he would ace that frigging competition that you were talking about, Ashley. He would ace that competition backwards, forwards, sideways. He would win it all while having a coughing fit.

I got a buddy that can back a trail into anything. It's so impressive. Although he did hit my truck once. But that was... So not that impressive? That was my wife's fault. She parked it where it wasn't just a second ago. I'm so jealous of that skill. Yeah, me too. I mean, just pulling like a, just even a small landscape trailer. I have trouble with that. I have to overthink it big time. You got to be careful. All right, we ought to get going for real. Later on this morning, see, Miles is going to stop by. So we got some laughs to be had for sure. Appreciate you joining us when we come

back. We'll get to the stupid news. We'll be back in a couple minutes on the program. The 93X half-assed morning show. What in the actual fuck are you guys doing? I'm 93X. I went out the back door and she said some bad stuff to me and shot it and I was running away. An Indianapolis woman. That's tough to come out of the gate with.

thought she had come up with the perfect way to avoid paying a repair bill by shooting the repair man who came to fix her dryer. Eliminate the problem right there, huh? The dryer, of course, where smut sites suggest stepmom seemed to get stuck surprisingly easily and alarmingly often. Step sisters, too. Just any step relation? Yeah.

Is it always step? Almost always. Is it just like a friend in need? Ever? Sure, but usually it's stepmothers. step daughter, stepson. Everyone's caught in the dryer. You're right. It's a regular issue online.

Police say Reba Wilson was arrested after firing at an HVAC technician who had just told her that she owed $70 in a service fee for diagnosing the problem. $70. According to the tech, Wilson insisted her dryer was still under warranty and refused to pay. She said, I don't want to pay. He said, well, I don't work for free. So when he went to leave and she pointed a gun at him right in front of her house, and forced the guy to stay there and then said, you're going to fix my dryer, he recalled.

What the hell? Afraid for his life, he pretended to go along with her demands, acting as if he were just going to put the dryer back together. But when he saw a chance to get away, he ran out the back door, just as he heard a gunshot and Wilson shouting, I'll pop a cap in your ass. The repair man managed to escape and call police, who soon arrived and arrested Wilson at her home.

well I'll be damned you never know what you're going to get yeah she uh obviously didn't want to pay that fee Ashley can you move your boobs away from the microphone I was told that um from a listener this weekend that they can't hear it that that much that they can only hear it when I like put the mic down at them if you're a new listener it's a breast pump yeah yeah yeah gotta do it I got to do I watched a movie over the weekend uh the lady had a breast pump and you could hear it. It made the exact same sound as yours. Maybe it's the same model. Oh, I bet. It's very popular. A North Carolina man angry over his girlfriend's firing,

decided to do some firing of his own with a handgun aimed at a Walmart manager's property. Authorities say 72-year-old Larry Brown shot up both the home and vehicle of the Walmart manager in retaliation for his girlfriend losing her job at the store. Deputies first responded to a report of multiple shots fired into the manager's home. As investigators began piecing things together, they discovered the shooting was likely linked to another incident earlier that same evening at the Walmart, where Brown's girlfriend had recently been fired. There in the store's parking lot, the manager's car had been hit by several bullets, and before long, Brown was pulled over and taken into custody. His arrest led to even more troubling discoveries.

Investigators found explosive devices inside his home, leading to new charges. So he's kind of a character... Through and through. Yeah, a bit of a hot head. I'd love to know what the girlfriend was fired for, just to see if it's the type of thing where 99% of people agree she should have been fired for. Right. From the, you got to be kidding me, files.

A 40-year-old Florida woman is accused of threatening to burn a Florida high school down because her daughter's boyfriend didn't get lunch. Brandy Covington called the cafeteria at Rockledge Elementary School, hungry for justice. She was upset, or high school, excuse me. She was upset her daughter's boyfriend had his school-supplied lunch taken away due to lack of funds in his account. The cafeteria employees said she tried to calmly explain the school's policy for handling students who run out of lunch money, but the teen's girlfriend's mom wasn't having it. The employee said Covington began yelling and cursing, and then came the threats. She threatened to burn the school down and

followed up by saying, quote, I'll be over there to blow that. at effing school up. Mm-mm-mm-mm. The cafeteria worker hung up and reported the call to the school's resource officer. Less than five minutes later, she called again, this time reaching the vice principal for more of the same. When investigators arrived at her home, she admitted she'd been, quote, pissed when she made the calls, explaining she'd phoned the school the week before and was told someone would get back to her, but no one ever did.

That seems like a little much to me. I agree. Overreacted? No, they usually give you some. some crappy lunch and replace. I guess that's how it was in my school. Like, oh, you don't have lunch money? Either they'd just not bother and be like, just take it.

Give me that detox sandwich, just a lonely on white bread. They'd shame you. You get like the crappy little white bread and just like a dixie cup of water at my school. And the kids were always humiliated when it happened. Yeah, that did suck. You know, it's not just moms. Dads go a little overboard, too. A Michigan man faces multiple.

charges after he threatened an elementary school because his kid didn't get a snack because the kid was a slow eater. There was an enraged parent who was upset about the fact that his first grader did not have sufficient time for snack time. This parent decided to make threats against the school. 43-year-old David Scott Jr. picked up his kid from Pleasant View Elementary School Wednesday and became mad when he found out his kid didn't get a snack at snack time. According to the release, the misguided Michigander threatened violence against the school and told the teacher he'd return the next day for some hungry vengeance. You're just not wired right.

That's what it is. You're just not wired right. During the conversation, Scott also told the teacher he would, quote, air the place out. Ah. There's absolutely no excuse for threatening violence against a school or its staff, especially over something as minor as a classroom snack, the prosecutor said. Turns out the only thing more loaded than his school, temper was his house, cops found multiple rounds of ammunition at Scott's home.

You just don't get it, do you Scott? He doesn't. Scott was arraigned Thursday on a butload of charges. Why is this kid so slow? It's got to be pretty darn slow for the guy to be like, you know what? You're just not getting it. He only got one gram cracker in, and that was it. Condiment hater Dana might want to plug his ears.

A New York car became the canvas for an artist working. exclusively in ketchup, mustard, mayo, and eggs. Do you be able to handle this, Dana? I'll do my best. I'll vomit before he will. I don't know. I've seen Dana at work, and he has trouble. I'll make it easy for you here, Dana. Thank you.

I'll try and keep it not too condimenty. 21-year-old Chloe Stacy faces second-degree criminal mischief after she turned a car into a moist petri dish of culinary decay. How are you so far? Doing well. Stacey slathered the vehicle in a wet, pulpy mess of ketchup. which splattered across the windows, oozing into every crevice

before merging with a coagulated blob of vinegary mustard. The glass ran slick with fatty mayo as the mixture pulled together like the drippings of a burst boil, secreting droplets of a congealed slurry, gathering on the ground in a sloppy, gelatinous film. Smashed eggs clung to the vehicle's metal

like blistered postules, their goo scabbing over into a crusted yellow glaze, each one rimmed by a throbbing halo of slime, which pulsed and squirted when pressed, belching a sour, eggy, odiferous stench, which could curdle the stomach from yards away. Not content, Stacy keyed the festering condiment-coated corpse of a car as well. Authorities didn't disclose a motive for the vandalism, but confirmed the damage estimate exceeded $7,000.

Oh, it was a... I thought she was an artist or something. No, she used the car as a canvas. Oh, so she, whose car was it? They didn't say. Ex-boyfriend. You've got to be an X, right? I see. So this was a freak out.

She went nuts. Yeah, you take a rag, you put in the gas tank, you light on fire, and you walk away at that point. That car's gone. You just call your insurance agent? I'm not getting in that thing. Imagine the smell. I did my best to take it easy on you there, Dan. I appreciate you.

Yeah, I could tell. Obviously. So descriptive. That took me about half hour, so I hope it was worth it. No lie. It's 2025, a time when respect isn't just expected, it's demanded. And when it's withheld, it's often punished, usually by someone who deserves none themselves. In Miami, a 75-year-old birthday gal was blown out candles surrounded by cake, kin, and karaoke.

Until bullets, she, her 53-year-old son and a 26-year-old party guest were shot by an enraged neighbor searching for someone who he said had offended him in the past. According to police, 38-year-old Angelo Garcia arrived at the home about 1 a.m. demanding to know where the person who'd upset him was. Where is he?

He hurt my feelings. One o'clock in the morning he comes around to this, huh? One of the victims calmly told him the person he was looking for was in Cuba, not at the party. But that answer didn't satisfy Garcia. The birthday honoree told police she'd seen Garcia throwing rocks at cars

before the shooting began. A prelude to the vital. that followed. Surveillance footage later showed him standing in the front yard, speaking to the victims, moments before he pulled a gun and opened fire. It was almost 2 o'clock in the morning. I was in bed. I was awake watching TV until I heard those, like six, seven, boom, big booms. I think it was a gunshot. Six seven. Like six, seven. After wounding the woman, her son and the young man, Garcia took off. Miraculously, all three victims survived, and SWAT later took him into custody.

F me. Never found a guy that hurt his feeling. He's in Cuba. There's at least one guy who doesn't want you to make a peep in Prior Lake or else. That man's now in custody after pointing a loaded gun at a group of people from his apartment Friday night. Prior Lake PD got a report just after 10 p.m. of a man pointing a loaded weapon at a group from the deck of his apartment when he was upset with how loud they were. When officers tried to contact him, he went back inside and didn't respond. members of the Tri-County tactical team eventually made contact with the suspect who came to his senses and surrendered without further incident.

Police and Red Wings say their investigation into a series of recent swatting calls revealed connections to a known terrorist group. On October 14th and again on the 16th, officers were dispatched to a home after someone reported multiple people were shot and killed inside. When police arrived, they found no victims, no crime seen, just another instance of what's become known. as swatting. For those unfamiliar, swatting refers to a false report made to law enforcement by buttholes looking to provoke a heavily armed response. In investigation dug deeper to find out who was behind the hoax, and they said they launched an extensive inquiry, which led to a disturbing discovery. The calls were linked to a cybercrime network with a history of targeting children and teenagers through extortion and acts of violence. According to authorities,

the U.S. Department of Justice and the FBI identified that same network as a a terrorist organization. It's right here in town somewhere? The organization's not in town. Oh. But they did a swat call, a swatting call in Red Wing. Long distance kind of a thing. Yeah, from the UK.

With help from the federal agencies in both of the U.S. and the United Kingdom, police said an arrest was made overseas on Friday, directly tied to that swatting incident in Red Wing. What the hell's the matter with these people? I don't know. I mean, what's the satisfaction there? I don't get it. premature discharge.

It's happened to just about everyone. Most people's premature release, however, doesn't come with a $70,000 price tag like this one. A Delta Airlines flight attendant made a costly mistake at Pittsburgh Airport Saturday, accidentally deploying an emergency evacuation slide just as the plane was getting ready to depart. Oh, I'd be so pissed. That'd scare the hell out of me. Yeah, me too. The aircraft was moments away from pushing back from the gate when,

the flight attendants began arming the doors for takeoff. Somewhere in that routine process, a crew member must have jerked too hard by mistake, causing a premature evacuation. Once the door is armed, any movement of the handle activates the emergency power assist system, forcing the door open and sending the slide bursting out in a matter of seconds. And to make matters worse, it wasn't just any slide. It was the one connected to the jet bridge, which trapped everyone on board until engineers could unhook it and reconnect the walkway, causing a severe delay. Oh, come on. If you're going to do the slide, at least let me go down it. I'm with you on that, Ashley. They should have let them go down it. I'm sure it's an insurance thing.

I'd like to go down the slide, yeah. The mistake was not cheap. For a smaller commercial jet like this one, an Airbus A-220, that it happened on. A new slide, an assembly can run from $50,000 to $70,000. Sometimes they can be deflated, inspected, and repacked, but even that process can cost about $30,000 and require manufacture oversight. So it could run about $100,000. It's a hell of a process.

Wow. I thought it would just be like folding up your tent after a camping trip, you know what I mean? Yeah, I'm with you on a 30 grand to do something like that. Grands are supposed to do it right. Let's see. Oh, we got a little extra time. A South Carolina man's idea of a prank went so far, off the rails, it landed him with a lawsuit, which originated with his birthday suit. This is actually a

follow-up. Apparently considering the movie Psycho, a comedy, 25-year-old Jackson Arnold, thought it would be a good idea to prank his ex-girlfriend by sneaking into her house and hiding in her shower, naked, holding a knife while wearing her underwear. Holy bull. That's a nice touch. On his face. The defendant's conduct and actions were so extreme and outrageous as to exceed. all possible bounds of decency and should be regarded as atrocious and utterly intolerable in a civilized community. The suit alleged. Was it a social media thing? No, no. It's just a psycho thing.

According to the lawsuit, Arnold entered his ex-girlfriend's home. Arnold? It's his last name. Oh, for a second there, I thought it was... Jackson Arnold is his name. He got a guy named Arnold walking around town. Go ahead. I know an Arnold. And he's just a little kid. No, you didn't.

I do, too. They call him Arnie. He entered his ex-girlfriend's home through a detached girl. garage apartment while she wasn't there. He loves the movie Topcom. The plaintiff and defendant were involved in a romantic relationship, which had come to an end. The complaint reads, after the plaintiff and defendant broke up, the defendant became hyper-obsessed with the whereabouts of the plaintiff. The defendant began to stalk the plaintiff at her job as a nanny for young children, the lawsuit said. On the evening of May 2nd, while the woman was out with friends for dinner and drinks, Arnold went to her downtown Charleston home.

He slipped inside, removed his clothing, pulled a pair of her underwear over his face, and waited in the shower, knife and hand. When she returned, he lunged toward her. Somehow she managed to wrestle it away from him, the knife, that is, sparking a brief struggle. At one point, as the underwear came off his face, Arnold stopped choking her and began muttering uncontrollably.

Terrified, she fled to her parents' house and called police. Arnold reportedly told her afterwards that he'd only been trying to prank her to lighten the mood a little bit so they could talk. Oh, yeah, that'll get things started. Oh, okay. Along with the pending lawsuit, he faces criminal charges, including assault and battery of a high and aggravated nature, first-degree burglary and possession of a weapon during a violent crime.

She's not going to take them back. She's awful picky. I misunderstood. So his weak excuse was that it. was a prank. It's just a prank. You're trying to lighten the mood. Oh, my God. Everybody has a laugh and then maybe we can talk about some serious stuff. But he was like a stalker ex-boyfriend. Because let's say, Josh, your wife pulls that trick on you. That's hilarious, right? That's good stuff. I mean, yeah, that's very creative. It's my underwear on your head. Right. Hey, is game three of the World Series

over yet? Yeah, a few hours ago. Oh, it's done. Okay, good. Yeah. Game four of the World Series is scheduled for Tonight on Fox. Oh. Los Angeles, host Toronto, with L.A. leading the series 2-1 after last night's marathon, 18-enning game. Streaming on Hulu, the fifth season finale of only murders in the building, and the season one finale of Chad Powers. Both so good.

Joaquin Phoenix is 51 today. Julia Roberts, 58, Andy Richter, 59. Fireplace Jesus checked in on the Luther Bloomington Keya tax line. He's got a shout-out to Cub Foods and Maple Grove, saved him today. He's so happy they're open 24 hours and letting him take a quote Mad dump in their bathroom He needed it and appreciated it

Happy birthday to Locator Jesus playing the Mac 9 in Rush Creek today to celebrate Happy birthday to Nick's godson Alex On his 14th year as a messy and non-paying tenant of mine Oh shout out Happy birthday Alex Happy 44th to number one fan black man Jesus Happy birthday to Shane

and that's 93X news. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC-tune-tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me, don't wait for the first. 80 degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints,

you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-E-L-L-E-L-L-T dot com. And it spells relief for you. Vince Colon-A's is redefining news talk.

I'm Vince Colleenay's host of the Vince Podcast. I'm bringing you the truth beneath the headlines of all of the nation's top stories. In-depth interviews. We feature newsmaking interviews with the top guests on the whole planet. And I'll ask the questions you only dream of other interviewers asking. And a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. It's a show with an obsessive focus on what's good for America. you are going to love Vince.

The Vince Show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. App-assed Morning Show, 93X. Some sophisticated criminals like these two use Apple Air Tags to target people like business owners or people that handle a lot of cash. Police in Florida said a couple became the unsuspecting targets of thieves using Apple Air Tags.

According to the Hillsbury County Sheriff's Office, they had just returned home from a quiet night out with friends, where they were confronted in their driveway by a couple of armed opportunists. They dragged them out of their car and forced them into their own garage, where they robbed them. Investigators later discovered the air tag attached to the victim's car. So I ask the community if you see that, you know, be vigilant. If you notice an air tag pop up on your phone or a family's phone and say, hey, that's quite odd. You need to contact us immediately.

Also in Florida, a man was arrested after breaking into multiple homes while naked. No word on an Apple air tag, but he did activate his eyeball. Have you guys ever had that happen where something will pop up on your iPhone and it'll say like an air tag has been recognized? He doesn't say it's happened to Nick quite often. Yeah, that breaks me out. I don't know what it means. Yeah, it happens to me almost every day. What does it mean?

Oh, really? Yeah. It means you got an air tag around you. An air tag? What's an air tag? It's a little round GPS. tracker? Uh-huh.

Yeah. Do you have one like on your wallet maybe? No. Uh-oh, your wife has one on you, I bet. Oh, we're going to have to sweep your car. I don't understand what we're talking about. It's a GPS tracker. You get that, that right?

What I'm saying? I think I do. Okay, so it's like you can adhere it to something or place at someplace. Okay. So someone's following me, you're saying? Quite possibly, yeah. Yeah, probably, yep. Yeah, I've never really paid attention to that little announcement.

I'll get alerts saying, hey, I get one every day on the way home, saying, you left your computer. Don't forget your computer. Oh, yeah. Go back and get your computer. That's smart. I need to get some of those and put them on every single thing I own. Well, you don't need an air tag on me.

You know where I'll be the next couple of days, starting with a trip to the St. Croix-Fault's Walmart to get a bottle of Dracar. Yeah, look out, ladies. Right. Losing internet access is usually nothing more than a minor modern tragedy. Digital equivalent, that is, of running out of oat milk. You can survive. One moment you're online, fully absorbed in Bonnie Blue's latest team building exercise. Jesus.

And the next, buffering black screens and, yes, browser-based blue balls, depending on what you're watching. Still, it's worth remembering there was once a time when people could function, even belong to a community, without being plugged in every second of every day. But at a home in Arizona, that temporary disconnection buffered into something far worse than inconvenience. Police say around 7.30 p.m. Sunday, 31-year-old Brandon Alvarez called 911. He told dispatchers he shot his 57-year-old stepfather.

Oh, my gosh. The outage had apparently happened by accident while new internet service was being installed. Knowing Alvarez would be furious, his family reached out to his step-debt and asked him to handle it. Take care of this kid. But the stepfather was already irritated

that Alvarez, his wife, and their kids were using his internet without paying. When he arrived, he grabbed a flashlight and headed to the backyard to investigate. There he found Alvarez sitting beside a wood fire. According to investigators, the stepfather dropped the flashlight and calmly approached. He was unarmed and displayed no signs of aggression,

yet Alvarez drew a gun and opened fire. He later told officers, feared a stepdad might attack him or try and take the weapon. Investigators, however, determined the victim had posed no threat. I've never been that mad when the Internet has disconnected. What in the world? I've gotten close. There's been times where you're in the middle of trying to put something together for work or whatever,

and it's certainly frustrating, but never wanted to shoot a family member over it. What is he doing on the Internet that's so, like, upsetting when he loses? I think Bonnie Blue. I was going to say, I think Josh described a scenario in which he might have been doing. Yeah, it's Bonnie Blue related. I've seen you get pretty mad at your computer where I thought maybe you'd shoot somebody. You know, I've calmed on to you right now.

I used to yell at my computer. Oh, it was fun. But it was my anger was directed at the, you know, yesterday my computer died, and it was very frustrating. But yeah, I haven't yelled computer in a long time. It was a lot of fun to watch. It was cathartic back in the day. But I was a young man.

Especially. I've aged and my temper is coming down. Maybe you had to be there. Maybe you had to be there. But it was especially funny when the clock was ticking. Like you had 20 seconds before we go live, 10 seconds before we go on, and you're still waiting for something to load. That's when I couldn't take my eyes off of you.

Just to just see that panic. Panic and anger in your eyes is your, my God, come on. Five seconds left and it's still not there. Those were fun times. He's sweating like the guy trying to fuse a bomb, you know, one of the wire to clean. That's exactly right. I'm just wiping my brow. Dude, I love those days.

But instead of a bomb, it's all the crap. you get when something doesn't work. Sweating like Wang at a graduation party. They're not a, what we call it, a reunion. Sweeting like Wang at a reunion. Hey, chat GPT, you up? OpenAI boss, Sam Altman says ChatGPT will soon be able to

take part in erotic conversations with adults. Oh, that's not good. Some sexy chats. Even though he recently insisted the artificial intelligence giant had not created a sex bot yet. On Tuesday, he explained that Open AIs plans to safely relax the restrictions on hot and heavy conversations with chat GPT. Not that the safeguards now have been put in place to better handle mental health concerns, so they think they're safe to do it.

According to Altman, it's all part of a broader philosophy as part of their treat adult users like adults principle. And it'll allow even more stuff like erotica for verified adults. Erotica. The policy shift is expected to roll out. by December making a significant departure from OpenAI's long-standing stance against sexual content on chat GPT. Now it wants to give you a boner. Not everyone's lighting candles and cueing up Barry White, however, Mark Cuban, the billionaire entrepreneur and former Dallas Mavericks owner who placed eighth in Dancing with the Star Season 5, blasted the move, saying it's going to backfire.

He argued no parent will trust age verification to truly keep kids out. They'll just push their kids to every other AI. What's the risk, Cuban question? In the meantime, OpenAI has been trying to soothe critics by rolling out stronger parental controls and even launching a limited teen version of ChatGPT.

This is a very bad idea. Have you guys read any of those stories where people genuinely think they're in a relationship with AI? Yes, I had a brief relationship with AI. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. Did we bring this up on the air or was this an off-air conversation? Yeah, we brought it up.

Oh, we did bring it up? Okay, then I don't want to bore people. You fell in love with her. I was just very pleased with the level of customer service I received in a text conversation for an auto dealership and not realizing was AI. It was the most friendly person I'd ever talked to. And it was not a person at all. Yeah, I don't like the way this is going. It's scary the level of the level that people get to with AI.

Police and Fridley are investigating after a bomb threat disrupted operations. at a local hospital yesterday. Start about 3 p.m. when the Alina Health Call Center received a threatening message targeting Mercy Hospital's Unity Campus. Authorities were alerted. The facility went into lockdown. Officers and Alina, excuse me, security swept the property moving through the campus until they were confident there was no danger. Once that search was complete, the lockdown was lifted and normal activity slowly resumed. Investigators are still working to determine who was behind that threat. And officials are, urging anyone with information to come forward.

That's not right. Meanwhile, people are still struggling with the real world as far as relationships go. A North Carolina man decided to surprise his ex-girlfriend while she was shopping at a grocery store by plunging a knife into her as she tried to leave. Son of a bitch. Surprise. According to the victim, Matthew Minor appeared out of nowhere and followed her to her vehicle. According to the victim, she had to her.

hadn't expected to see him at all. She tried to leave, but before she could get to her car, the 63-year-old miner pulled out a folding-bladed knife and began stabbing her in the parking lot. He later admitted why he did it. Oh, yeah? Why? The emotionally stunted justification he gave was that due to the breakup, he just wanted her to hurt as much as he was hurting. Oh, yes. Stop it. As nothing says, I still love you, like an ambush in Al Five. She fought back, but couldn't escape until a store manager intervened after hearing her screams, prosecutors said. Minor fled the scene but was later apprehended at his home where the knife and the victim's phone were found. Somebody give this guy a beating. Minor did, will face major charges, according to first degree,

attempted first degree murder and first degree kidnapping. Well, that ought to work. Just before the toxic Avenger movie landed in theaters this August. Oh, Christ, I forgot to see that. Oh, you can watch it now. It's streaming. Ah. The marketing team had a unique, A uniquely awesome idea. This is very cool. Instead of pouring the rest of the promo budget into ads and billboards, they donated it to the nonprofit Undue medical debt and wiped out $5 million in real people's medical bills. Wow. I'm a monster.

You're not a monster. Show him your good heart. Obviously they did. Undue uses donations to buy up medical debt in bulk from hospitals and collection agencies for pennies on the dollar. One day someone's drowning in hospital. bills, and the next, they open an undue-branded envelope in the mail telling them that some or even all of their medical debt has vanished. Cineverse's initial contribution cleared $5 million right away, but they didn't stop there.

They made a promise. For every million dollars the movie earned at the box office, another million in medical debt would disappear. And what began as a mission to erase $5 million in medical debt has now tripled, fueled by the enthusiasm of toxic Avenger fans. The film, now available digitally, follows a 38-year-old janitor, played by Peter Dinklage, who's caught in a catastrophic toxic accident that emerges as a new breed of hero, The Toxic Avenger. Oh, Peter Dinklage plays the Toxic Adventure.

That guy's so good. In the original movie, he's a teenage kid. But I forgot all about it. I forgot that they had remade that pig. Yeah, originally it was called Unsellable. It was how violent or disturbing the images were. Oh, yeah, there's a lot of that in the original. I mean, it took like 10 years to get going.

And it was, people loved it, but at the same time thought, well, nobody's going to be able to watch this movie. It's far too much. You know, in earlier we were talking about blind people. Well, specifically, we were talking about a guy who pretended to be blind for 53 years. And he got $1.6 million for disability. And they busted him. You're not really frigging blind. In the original Toxic Avenger, Melvin the Mop Boy, teenage kid, becomes the toxic Avenger,

massive hulking, you know, crime-fighting character. And he'd never been with a woman before, Josh. And then he meets this blind lady and she falls in love with him. And at one point she grabs his wad and he'd never been with a woman before. And he says this, what are you doing to me? I'll always remember that scene. If a woman ever grabs that for me, that's my next question. What are you doing to me?

What are you doing to me? This time tomorrow we'll be broadcasting live from St. Croix Casino Turtle Lake. So the show format will be a little different. So since this is our final news update of the week. Here's a look at what's new in theaters and living rooms this weekend. Now on Netflix, all eight episodes of the Diplomat Season 3, the latest installment of the hit political drama. Oh, I love that show.

That is a good show. I'm with you. Then in theaters this weekend, Ethan Hawk returns in Black Phone 2. Bad dreams haunt 15-year-old Gwen as she receives calls from the Black Phone. She's disturbing visions of three boys being stalked at a winter camp. She and her brother Finn head to the camp to solve the mystery, only to confront the grabber, a killer who's known even more, who becomes, excuse me, even more powerful and deaf. Look out, Cubby.

I didn't watch the first one. Ashley, did you? No, I didn't. Nobody watched the first one. first one. Yeah, I heard it was disturbing, but... Oh, yes. I heard that from a person who is disturbing, so I don't know how much clout to put into that.

But I know it was a popular movie, they made a sequel, and it's out this weekend. Hitting theaters just a couple weeks before its Netflix debut, Guillermo Del Toro's Frankenstein, starring the very attractive Oscar, Isaac. A brilliant but arrogant scientist brings a creature to life and an experiment that spirals into tragedy. Look out, Cubby. Frankenstein is scheduled to stream on Netflix, November 7th. Frankenstein is how you say it. Frankenstein.

If you ever had a group sex dream where the pairing seemed a little odd, this might be it. Seth Rogan, Aziz Ansari, and Keanu Reeves combined to make good fortune where a well-meaning but rather inept angel medals in the lives of a struggling gig worker and a wealthy venture capitalist. Seth Rogan's been making some good stuff. lately. Absolutely. What does that sound painful? What is that TV show?

Dana, I know you watch it. Platonic. Yes, gosh, that is so good. Rose Byrne is hilarious. The studio, I enjoyed that one too. And finally, now on Peacock, the limited series debut of Devil in Disguise, John Wayne Gacy. Oh, no. A teenager vanishes near Chicago, and the prime suspect turns out to be an affable local businessman

named John Wayne Gacy. Friendly guy. volunteers at kids parties, murders dozens of them. Between the years of 1972 and 1978, serial killer John Wayne Gacy abducted, abused, and murdered 33 young men and teenage boys, burying them in the crawl space beneath his Illinois home. I had no idea the numbers were that high. Oh, it's terrible. I've seen a couple of movies about Gacy's life, and one of them was, I wish I could tell you the title, but I can't remember. One of them was really, really well-made

and really unsettling. And I did see an ad for this one, and it looks legitimate to me. It looks like you'll get the whole story. And you might not want the whole story. Well, they got a lot of room to put that story in. It's eight episodes. Oh, is that a lot?

It's pretty good. Devil in disguise, John Wayne Gacy. That is... That dude. I mean, just effing, horrible, disgusting in every way. And he was just a friggin' prick. to the very end. Birthdays today,

red hot chili peppers basis flee turned 63. Best luck to buggy, Sheez is from your proud mom and dad. She's on her way to a college visit today. Shout out to Joe for being the best grandpa in the world. Happy fifth anniversary to Advancement Director,

Sheez is from Land Surveyor Jesus. And that's 93X News. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. You know, earlier, we were talking about our fears. Our fears. Some of them are childhood fears that we've never been able to shake.

It stays with you forever and ever and ever. Like clowns. And the basement. This and that. Some can't sleep in the dark. Some check the closet before bed. Even as adults, they get squirrely in the shower. They're always looking out the curtain.

Who's out there? Some of these childhood fears that stay with you are caused by movies or scary stories. We talked about Bloody Mary. Some text messages came in from some of our listening audience talking about some of their fears. One of our listeners has a fear, Josh and Smashley. He has a fear of walking into an elevator and then the summed. bitch falls when he's halfway in, and it cuts his body in half and he dies. Sure. See that in movies? So that first step into the elevator, even as a grown person, that first step into the elevator,

he feels a little funny about it. Is the elevator going to fall and blast him in half and guts and feces everywhere? Yeah, I understand. I'm afraid of elevators. I do not like them at all. Yeah, that would scare a guy. Oh, thank you. I would like that. I love the way this text message goes. You can always get a of us, of course, on our Luther Bloomington, Kia text line, 651, 98, 993. I love the way this one plays itself out. A listener says, I'm deathly

afraid of the dark because of the exorcist and thriller. I got to say, when I was little, a thriller kind of freaked me out a little bit. Like the music video? I think that's what they're... Yeah, the music video? How in the hell does the exorcist and

thriller get lumped in together? In one, the Exorcist, it's just one of the most disgusting, disturbing, and still, really, one of the, in my opinion, one of the only truly scary horror movies is The Exorcist. The other is Mike Jast, what's his name again? Michael Jackson? Dancing around in makeup, for Christ's sake. But remember, he's in the car with the lady and then his fingers growled and he turns into a

werewolf? He does, but it's kind of scary. It's silly. I was scared by it. I'm afraid of the dark, this guy says, because of the exorcist. And thriller. I'm sure we'll be hearing that a lot coming up here. Oh, yeah, I've already heard a lot of it.

That'll be on my Halloween playlist, Halloween night. Hey, maybe folks can help me out here. What's wrong now? If you don't mind. What's your problem now? Well, I got three choices. We play two songs a morning. Our next song is in the 8 o'clock hour.

Hey, this is kind of fun, right, Ashley? Yeah. Taking requests. Text, you guys help me. I can't really. Community property, Steel Panther. Oh, I can't even play that over here. That would be so bad.

I don't think, because I can only play what's in the system. Let me see if I can play that. What are our choices that you have in front? All right, so here's the choices that we have from the boss. Okay. We've got Breaking the Habit from Lincoln Park. Never heard it. We've got In Bloom from Nirvana.

Unfamiliar with the group. We've got zombie from the cranberries. those are the three. Absolutely not. Okay, so I'm going to hold on. We're down to only two choices. Delete, I have deleted zombie. Yeah.

Let me see if I can. Delete it forever. Can you delete it forever? I don't know if they don't give us that permission. So let's see if I can get community proper. All right. I'll roll through a few more of these text messages on childhood fears.

All right, bra, I can do it. Should we do that? No way. Yeah. I don't see why. It's in the system. Why wouldn't we? Coming up later on this morning, we'll play the edited

version of community property by Steel Panther. Oh, that's going to make my morning. Yeah, you know what? Me too. Great. Here we go. Let's do it. All right. Sorry I even asked. Why are you sorry? I mean, I'm sorry for those that have already taken the time to text. Oh, so people are texting in requests?

Yeah. Oh, well, let's consider some of those requests. Right now, the leading candidate is community property. Oh, yeah, and I don't know what I was thinking. I can, I mean, these are just the ones the boss put in. I can search for whatever's in our system. I forgot I can load something different. Yeah.

Maybe if there's like some good ones coming in, we can play that later. Send in a friggin request. IT system Jesus said to play some atmosphere. Do you guys even know who atmosphere is? Oh, yeah. That's the local guy. Yeah, we talked about it. We talked about them a month ago.

Maybe you were still having your baby when we had a conversation. Oh, you were, yeah. I love atmosphere. We don't have any atmosphere. That makes sense. In the station's rolydecks of 15 songs. One of our listeners has an irrational fear of flatbed trucks because of the movie Final Destination. Yeah, that movie scarred a whole generation of people.

Yeah, I bet. He says, a loose load, don't get cute, flying through the windshield of his car constantly repeats in his mind whenever he gets behind a flatbed truck. criminal investigation sheses texted in to say you don't know fear until you've been alone in a morgue at 2 a.m. And the lights in the autopsy room turn on by themselves. I wonder if there were like Wi-Fi enabled lights and somebody was messing with her. Because I've done that to people for sure, but never in a morgue. That's what she says. She was in a morgue at 2 a.m. and the autopsy lights came on by themselves.

You know what's terrifying a listener? says, intimacy, sharing my feelings, talking about my childhood and my absent father. Yeah, you know what? Sharing stuff like that does take a lot of bravery. Criminal investigation, we should have her on some time and throw out a bunch of scenarios and see if she can solve the crimes where we know the answer to it. Just throw some out. See if she could do that. It'd be fun. And our last two text messages on childhood fears, Josh mentioned when he was a kid in his parents disgusting, damp, bug-ridden, unfinished basement, there was a toilet in the middle of the basement, but no one in the family was allowed to use the toilet. Do you want to know why?

As a kid, you never questioned your parents. They just told you. They said, this is how it is, and I said, all right. Even if there's a line of six people waiting to get into the head upstairs, they said to you kids, do never, I better not catch you using that toilet in the middle of the unfinished basement. Exactly. So you never did. A listener texted in and said The reason your parents wouldn't let you sit on that head is because that toilet Was the toilet

To hell? What movie? Amityville horror? What year? I believe it was 1975. And another listener texted in, Josh, remembering that when you were younger, you had a fear. You thought that the sun

was a monster. Oh my gosh. Forever. Nick cured me. you that. I remember Josh saying it. For years, I thought the sun was a monster. What movie Benchwarmers? What year? I have no idea. All right, the stupid news. Outhouses, people are texting in saying outhouses freaked them out.

Oh, yeah? I kind of like the outhouse because, you know, you can just do unmentionable damage in there, and no one can tell the difference. You know what I mean? Ah, the spiders. The spiders. The spiders. The spiders. The spiders.

The spiders know. The spiders know the damage. that I just did, yes, but no one, right? An outhouse? They're disgusting. There's nothing you can do in there that, uh... Yeah, the one outhouse that I, I remember I have used quite a bit. They have, like, porno pictures, literally, of just like all around the whole thing.

That place was sweet. Have you ever heard someone come out of an outhouse and say, oh, my God, what happened? Because earlier, this, it was in perfect shape, right? No. I've never used an outhouse. I mean, Port-a-potty is obviously. Oh, my God. I existed in an outhouse between the years 95 and 99.

They're scary, Josh. Just because of the bugs, it freaks me out. Just like an old rickety cabin somewhere, and then there's an outhouse next to them? You ever seen those? You ever seen those spiders that look like a fist until you anger them, and then they push all their legs up? I used to, at a friend's cabin, I used to go hit the outhouse, and they had those spiders.

I don't know what they're called, but they disguised themselves. They kind of just look like a, just a perfectly circular shape and then when you piss them off they go boom and they get their legs out and they show you what they're capable of I used to poop with those spiders all around me and my pals out of house yeah what are those ones that are attracted to women's bathing suits

those are bikini spiders oh bikini spiders yes I've heard of those for Pete's sake a story out of Michigan here for starters in the stupid news report for the love of Bella Donna and Gianna Michaels and Tiffany Watson and Ashley's favorite porn star Angela White. Gorgeous. For the love of those women. Somebody was playing the porn movies too loud in their apartment over there in Michigan, and the cops had to show up. Someone was playing the porn movies too loud, so loud that the police.

had to make an appearance. A neighbor had it up to hear, Cubby, with the loud, explicit sex noises and the filthy porno language, and they upped and called the cops. It wasn't the real thing. There was some sad-ass jabroney sitting on the couch

with his little acorn in one hand and the television volume controls in the other. And, like, Kiss in 1982, he loved it loud. I've never heard that. I've certainly heard some intimacy from some live human beings. I mentioned before I lived in this townhouse community in Pryor Lake. And there was a guy.

I didn't know if I should call 911 because he was really giving it to a lady. And I wasn't sure if he was providing her the type of pleasure I've never been able to give to a woman or anybody else. Right. Or he was murdering her. I'd never heard those noises. I'm not a porno watcher, so I don't know if that's common or if she was putting on a show or what. You were totally thrown. you were totally thrown by loud sex noises because you had never...

You had never heard them in person and you never even saw them in a porn movie. No, nothing like that. And you were how old? 24, 5, 3? Yeah, something like 25. Jesus. Maybe 26-ish. Man, you were late to the party in a lot of departments.

I've never heard screaming like that, that's for sure. Sense, I mean, outside of somebody else providing the work that it takes to get there. So you didn't know what to do? At first I didn't. And so I feel like a pervert, but now. knowing I listened a little longer because I thought, well, I can't be really hearing that. That's not a murder, is it? Because this is going on for a while. That is so hilarious.

That lucky lady. A guy in his 20s hearing sex noises and he's not sure what it means. But he was screaming. It was like screaming. And so I had brought it up on the radio that day because it was before work. And so I brought it up and the dude, he stopped me. And I didn't know people too while I had just moved in maybe a week prior. and he's like, hey, do you work over at the radio station? And I mentioned, yeah, I do it.

He's like, I heard you talking about me. He's like, I was not murdering her. I just left my windows open last night, and I was... The dude who was doing the bang and... Yeah, he talked to me. And sending this gal into sexual oblivion. Yep. Found you and said, that was me?

Yeah. Jesus. That's what a murderer would say. Hey, I didn't murder her. Son of a gun, Ashley. I never doubted him. He was so convincing. He killed her.

Is that what Ashley said? He murdered her? Did he look like he could get it done sexually? I did request to see his genitalia, and yes. The answer to your question is yes. There are certain guys, when you look at him, you say, oh, that dude can throw a good bang. Yeah, they give off a vibe. What kind of vibe do we give off?

Yeah, honestly. We've both had some experience. You might be surprised. You don't have to answer that question. You don't have to answer that question. My favorite, I'll tell you my favorite loud sex noise story. This was many, many years ago when we were young and running around. Me and a pal ended up at a gal's house.

I had a gal with me, my pal, had a gal with him. each couple found their own bedroom and I completed my gig and fading off to sleep and from the next room that's where my pal and his girlfriend for the night were in bed this gal was hollering and screaming

and it was just obscene hilarious I found it to be quite hot sexy. This gal was just hollering her ass off and faded off to sleep. I had heard those noises before, Josh. No offense. No, that's fine. I had heard those. And the next morning, we go out to breakfast, just me and my bro. We left the gal's place. We go out for breakfast, and I had to say something. I said, Jesus, balls, man. The gal, your gal last night, you guys were, and he's like, yeah. Holy, Christ, was she screaming her?

I said, we could hear it down the hall. And he goes, yeah, whatever. And I said, what do you mean? And he goes, I was freaking fake. Oh, no. And I said, really? You're sure with that? He said, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm positive.

And then he dumps this line on me. He said, there's no way, no way that my little balloon knot could bring that out of anybody. It was all fake. She's trying to make sure that I call her again. I had never heard of a man refer to his unit as a balloon knot. And it made my morning. Yeah, I've heard the back door referred to that. Never the front area.

Oh. You'd behole? Yeah. Yeah, you've heard that before. That makes sense. So one of my favorite stories regarding this type of thing, you had this, a porno-related story where you were staying in the same hotel as a coworker. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were in Florida.

me and a co-worker we traveled down there for a miserable radio promotion oh my god it was so awful Orlando Florida don't ever go oh god it's the worst so yeah me and this former co-worker were staying in adjoining hotel rooms and I'm miserable and I'm tired from this horrible experience so I got a 12-pack of Budweiser and I ordered up a porno movie on the pay-per-view and um things happened. And as soon as I turned off my television,

the audio from that same porno movie that I was watching picked up from my neighbor, my coworker. You following what happened there? These are the days,

you couldn't just say, I want to start a porno now. It started at 11 p.m., right? You just had to order it ahead of time. So it was obvious to me that he and I were watching the exact same porn movie. movie. As soon as I turned my television off, the audio picked up right where it left off on my TV

from my neighbor, my co-worker in the next room. That's awesome. It was a Terminator-related porno. I think it may have been called. Spirminator. Yes. Do you guys talk about it the next day? Yeah, you mentioned you did. Oh, because we both had to pay the bill the next morning at the front desk. And he's like, oh, you watched a sperminator too? And I said, yeah. It just took him a little bit longer. Yeah, yeah. He was a cyborg with a giant penis and sperminator, I think. That's what it was. So again, I got to go back to this because we got sidetracked. Not that I didn't enjoy myself. In Michigan, dudes in his apartment cranking the porn audio, obviously molesting himself. And it was so loud the neighbors called the cops. The cops knocked on the apartment door,

but the J. Brone in there was too embarrassed to answer the door. That's just my guess. It says here the cops knocked forever and nobody ever answered. Don't you think Josh, he was covered in lube and whatnot? Oh, yeah, he had to take... He's not going to answer in that condition.

No, there's no way anyone's answering the door while covered in lube and wearing a C-ring, so he never answered the door. According to the other folks living up in this particular apartment complex, whoever it is living in that specific unit, the one with the old folks' home style volume level on the television, the one play in the porno movies. The neighbors say that that dude is always loud and multiple noise complaints have been made

regarding that person, but they say this is the first time that porno sounds have played a role. So he needs to have a little more respect for his neighbors. This is why I could never live in an apartment. I just, I would feel so bad making any type of noise. Oh, you just, you've never lived in an apartment? No. Oh, I did it a few times.

And I understand where you're going with that. At first, you want to be all subtle about everything and you don't want to disturb your neighbors. But then shortly you realize, Ashley, everybody cuts loose with sounds and smells, and you just kind of play along. Don't worry about it. Yeah, the cooking smells can get you sometimes. Don't worry. Everyone's loud. Everyone's kids are running up and down.

So, yeah, you can. get over that feeling pretty quickly, and you'd be screaming your ass off in no time. Do you remember anything from Sperminator? No. Did they use any of the dialogue, like an All Be Back? Don't remember any of that. Just remember... Change, come with me if you want to live to the opposite.

Live with me if you want to, you know what I'm saying? Oh, wow. Very clever. No, I just remember it was a parody of the Terminator. That's awesome. Yeah. Did the guy look anything like Schwarzenegger? I don't remember that either

except he had a leather jacket and the black sunglasses Of course Right But I don't remember if he was Are you asking if he was like a big built character That I don't Sorry to keep asking you questions if you don't know

It's a long time ago I'm fascinated Does he nail Sarah? Also I don't remember that Well now we're all going to have to Sarah Connor Of course he has sex with Sarah Connor Yeah

I mean I mean they don't really like each other at first Here's a listener talking about loud apartment sex. He says the trash trucker Jesus. He says this is why in real life ball gags are so important. You put a ball gag on somebody. They're not going to wake the neighbors up. Ashley, now that you got your kid, have you taken the whip and paddle and all that kind of stuff off your wall?

No. It's still on your bedroom wall? I mean, he has no idea what's going on yet. No. He can barely see. He can only see like 10. 10 inches in front of his face. Yeah, but what I look forward to is when you start showing him baby pictures in 10, 15 years or something like that.

And he wants to know, Mom, what's that on the – hanging on the wall in the background of that photo. Oh, we've been taking, like, videos, too, of us talking. Mom and Dad used to play pickleball. By the way, remember that spider I was telling you about that disguises itself in a perfect ball and then springs its legs out and scares everyone in the room? It's called the Wolf Spider. Listeners texted it. Oh, yeah. The all-knowing brother and sisterhood, Josh,

they told me it's a wolf spider. Gosh, that's just giving me the heby-jeebies. All right, here we have a car thief scumbag who caught a lucky break. Caught a lucky break, more or less because the dude who they stole from is a nice guy and has a sense of humor. A fella in Oregon by the name of Peter Higginbottom. Cuey. A dude in Oregon by the name of Peter Higgin.

Higginbottom, he had his 1996 Toyota Camry hotwired and stolen last year. You almost have to have a sense of humor if your name is Peter Higginbottom. Yeah, he's got a lot of crap over the years. You're not going to survive. He can put up with a joke. Right. Pete Higginbottom had his 96 Camry hotwired and snatched. The car wasn't exactly in the greatest shape in the first place.

The friggin vehicle is 29 years old. It even had a bumper sticker on it that said, quote, the book value of my car is one Baja blast. That's a soft drink joke, right? That's a Mountain Dew product. This guy's adorable. That's pretty funny. Peter Higginbottom and his bumper sticker,

The book value of my car is one Baja blast. About a month after the car was taken, the local police found the thief and the car. The vehicle was now completely trashed by the idiot thief, Pigger Higgy-Higibbottoms, his insurance company, declared the car totaled and paid him out $1,700. That's, wow. Yeah, that's bad. The thief, the car thief, was a woman's called Cheseray Walter, Cheseray.

You don't hear about women doing this often. If I hear a name like Cheseray, I assume trouble is on the way. was a woman called Cheseray Walter. She was charged with a couple of felonies. Now, once this year case went to court, Peter Higginbottom, being the lighthearted peckerhead that he is, he asked for the judge to drop the charges against the lady car thief. And by damn, in honor of that bumper sticker I was telling you about, Peter said, all he wanted in return from Cheseray for dropping the charges was one mountain dew Baja blast. That's awesome. The judge agreed. Peter Higginbottom versus Chesairee Walker, Walter, sorry, and they settled it. All she had to pay him in return was one Mountain Dew Baja Blast. Unfortunately, once Peter got his Baja blast and he poured that sum bitch into his yapper, he didn't like it.

That's a popular beverage. I'm surprised he didn't like it. I've never had it. He said, I'm not a big soda. guy. It was a little too citrusy, a little too pineapple-e. Maybe it's better if you're actively eating a taco. But he was still fine with the deal, even though he didn't like his Baja Blast, he still agreed to go through with the deal. He just said, he didn't want to see someone going to jail over this. I love this guy so much. You know who doesn't love Piggy Heaterbottoms, Peter Higginbottom, the prosecution involved in this case. They were, not happy about his cute little side deal

because Chesairee had prior convictions and they wanted to get her stupid ass off the streets before she hurt somebody for real. But that's how it played out. She did tell the judge, Josh, Cheseray did tell the judge that she's working to get her life together. Well, let's hope so, right? Anyone going to hold their breath on that one?

Probably not, but maybe this act of kindness will make her... change her ways? Probably not. No, I would assume it's not going to change a damn thing. Oh, she's just been arrested for double murder.

Oh, man. That Mountain Dew guy, he might get some social media hate. He messed up. The 93X Half-Ast morning show. What's going on,

podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tuneup means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tuneup or $90 and you

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this program that we get to take this thing to the next level. gigantic shows. This is going to be so much fun. It's unbelievable. In-depth interviews, live caller interactions, and a front row seat to the most important conversations of the day. I've got updates. I've got big stories. We'll sort through the truth of what's really going on. So buckle up. Here it comes. The Vince show. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. 93x half-assed morning show. What it reversed, tear? What'd it reverse? 93X rocks. I think back to those high school dances.

Sure, we showed up pretty loaded for the football games and the hockey games, right? But we really showed up loaded for the dances. And how did some of these grown folks not just, I mean, my guess is they just didn't care. Yeah. You know, they'd been teachers for 25 years. They've seen moron high school kids drunk a million times. and at that point in their career, they just didn't care anymore if we were, I'd like one kid to the dance.

Right. Because they could have called us out every single time, and they didn't. See, I'm jealous of your situation. We had a cop present at the entryway of the dance, and he eyeballed you and thought that you were drinking, he'd pull you aside and breathalize you. And a lot of kids never made it into the dances. Sucks to be your generation.

I know. Sucks. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we would get like side-eyed by some of the teachers, but we would take that as a sign as, all right, we need to get out of here. We've got like five minutes until they call someone. God. I remember one of those high school dances. I showed up just destroyed.

And I'm so embarrassed, Josh. I mean, how just, where it was completely obvious to everyone, were you able to hide it a little bit? Oh, it had to have been obvious. Slurring up a storm? Where I'm going with this is Once I got into the cafeteria, which is where our dance floor was for the high school dance, I, uh, oh God.

I was all, I don't know what I was, it must have been hard liquor. Because I've told you before that beer has always been my thing. But when you're a high school kid, you take what you can get. It must have been booze that I got whipped up on in this particular night. Because I came into that dance just guns blazing. I'm running around the dam. This is what I did. This is what still kind of haunts me to this day.

I went, you know how it is at a high school dance, or any dance for that matter, you know, like a dance club. There are different circles of people, right? Friends, dancing with each other. I broke into every circle to show them what I could do. No. What do you think of this right here? You know, to the latest hit by Salton Pepper or whoever the hell was hot when I was in her.

And I, oh, what about this group over here? What do you think? And I'm just pouring sweat. It's just so dumb. And by the end of the night, I had danced with everybody from my high school, the show of what the... Wow. That's great. It was like I was on Coke.

So it must have been hard liquor because beer never did that. But I remember, I just remember little clips. of some people thought it was very funny. Others did not. I bet. But I'm out there just boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Busting out all my best stuff. That's so embarrassing.

I had a buddy who had a bad experience at a school dance. He smoked a bunch of weed and drank a bunch of Red Bull before going into that school dancing. He wasn't much of a weed smoker. And midway through the dance, we were out, hey, where did Stack go? I don't see him. Where is he? Where'd he go?

We don't hear from him. We don't hear from them to the next day. He got so paranoid. He ran seven miles home, and his parents found him barricaded in the laundry room. So he had some kind of flip out. What? That is a crazy combination. No.

Oh, it sounds so unsettling. Kid just needed some Doritos in a dark room. Well, he found the laundry room. He's being barricaded himself in there. Oh, I just, like, picture a young kid, like, army crawling into the house. He thought the cops were coming for him. But I redeemed myself at the next dance, Josh. Made a jackass out of myself dancing around.

Couldn't stop dancing. But the following dance, whatever, a couple months later, I redeemed myself, Josh, by winning the Air Guitar Championship. Oh, that's where you won that thing. That's my game. That's my friggin game. You got to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and win an Air Guitar Competition.

That's how you turn life around. That's been my game from the get-go. When you get yourself in a hole, you stop digging, you put the shovel down and you pick up an air guitar. Yeah. The DJ at our high school dance said, who wants in on the air guitar contest? And this will settle it, he said.

This is the air guitar championship of the world for the year 1988. And I said, I'm in, right? And a few other brave souls said, I'd like to try this too. And then the DJ said, well, the song we're going to play is shook me all night long by ACDC. And that's when I looked at the crowd and said, this friggin thing is over. It's over. Because I knew every air guitar lick for ACDC kiss.

I mean, that's that. It couldn't have been an easier path for me at that point. And I looked at the crowd and said, don't even get involved. This friggin' contest is over. Them giving you ACDC was like Cliffy getting in. in his dream board on Jeopardy and Cheers. It was all categories that he specifically knew everything about. Taylor made, celibacy, living with your mom, U.S. Postal Service.

I don't remember that, but I love any reference to Cheers. Did you set that up with the DJ or he just picked that point? No, no, no. That's awesome. Everybody. Everything fell into place for me at that point, Cubby. And I said to myself, I'm going to make everyone forget about my dancing. everybody hated the DJ in our middle school dance.

Oh, I hated them too. I bet yours especially, Josh, had a lot of restrictions on what he could play. Oh, I did. He did. Yeah. I hated the DJs too. Why did you hate the DJ? No, it wasn't necessarily me.

Oh. I mean, well, I take that back. I hated the DJ the most, but so did everybody else at those high school dances. Well, I hated them because they would only play the latest pop hits. and we would all, again, come in very drunk and demand Van Halen Motley crew, Ozzy Osbourne and Megadeth, and the guy would always say, no, I'm not playing any of that crap. This is a friggin dance. Well, that was what the problem was.

It was the opposite. Our DJ, I would play, he would play, like, heavy metal stuff instead of, like, whatever the hottest, like the red red wine or something like that. U.B. 40. Okay, why would he do that? That's odd for a junior high DJ to play acid. Well, I think the reason is, is he was a huge fan of that music and just kind of played the music he liked. So you're saying you were the DJ?

Well, I don't know how you get that out of this conversation, but yes, I was. Yes, I was the high school DJ. Excuse me, the middle school DJ. And I just got done saying that I hated them. Well, that must have been fun. Well, it was for me and like two, three of my friends. But yeah, I realized now maybe I should have considered the audience. Instead, you know, at that age, I thought I was giving them a real education into Ozzyas, born in Metallica and Megadeth.

I would have done the same thing. I would have been excited, Josh. I would have loved you as a DJ. I would have done the same thing, Josh. You want to show everybody, hey, look, number one, I am hard. But I... And number two, I know all of this music. You don't even understand.

You don't even get it. I'm going to teach you. I would have been the same guy. I did play... You shook me, though. That definitely was on the list. I played that one. Well, that's a never-fail party song, right?

We always had some, like, random stranger. Like that didn't work at the school, wasn't a student. It was always some, like, I don't know, like 40-year-old dude, they actually hired for a couple hours. Well, yeah, I did. I've never heard of a student being the DJ. That is so cool. It's like the movies.

We always had, yeah, some 35-year-old guy who was a professional DJ. Absolutely. I would have done the same thing, Josh. I was effing notorious in high school and even into college where when a house party kicked in, when I walked in, I took over the music. Even if I didn't know the guy or girl,

I would go to their stereo and say, no, we're not doing this, we're doing this. I could totally see that. Just a total dick. I personally, I could not, tolerate drinking and having fun to bad music. So I would just be a prick and take over the stereo at house parties, even people I didn't even know.

And I almost got my ass kicked a few times for it. But I said, look, this is a frigging party. We're not going to, especially in the 90s, I'm not going to listen to Toad the Wet Sprocket at a keg party, right? Well, they have a couple good tunes. No, they do not have a couple good tunes. We're not listening to. That was me.

I took over once and then nobody liked the song I chose and started to be like, who played this? This sucks. And so ever since then, I never took that chance again. Did you join in and berate? Just kind of look around. Who was that? Definitely.

Well, I'll tell you what, I made the mistake of changing the channel on Chris Tucker's radio. He had some things to sing. Oh, man. He was enraged with me. I think it's on video somewhere. Yeah, he was very upset. I mean, I especially really pissed off the hip people at these college parties. You know, the college crowd likes to stay as hip and trendy as possible.

So where I really got into trouble was when the 90s kicked in, you know, and everyone turned to Nirvana and Pearl Jam and what do you call that band Soundgarden and whatnot, right? And I hated all that stuff. hated it. So I would walk into a house party that was playing Nirvana and take the CD or the cassette tape right out and throw in Van Halen, things like that. That's what really pissed people off.

They would say this stuff doesn't, Van Halen doesn't matter anymore. So that's where I really pissed him off. I'm probably the only guy ever that interrupted Nirvana for TNT, Everyone's a Star. Do you even recall that? Oh, absolutely, yeah. Everyone's a star.

I mean, the cheesiest 80s pop metal. I just threw that right on top or in place of Nirvana. And the whole crowd turned and said, TNT, everyone's a star. What are you a friggin idiot? I want to be whined and dined at 69. 93X half-assed morning show. It's the new body modification trend. Josh, freeze branding.

Sounds awful. Yeah, I bet that's pretty painful. But I'm going to go ahead anyways. Let me explain this to you. Maybe a conversation about freeze branding will help take your mind off the insufferable heat. We've been dealing with the new body mod trend. You use dry ice. Help me.

I'm going to do my best here. Isopropyl alcohol. isopropyl. I hope I dumped that on you with some manner of legitimacy and accuracy. That's how I pronounce it. Okay. If it's good enough for Covey, it's good enough for me. You use dry ice, isopropyl alcohol, and liquid nitrogen to permanently mark your skin, freeze branding. That sounds super safe. Yeah, I think it's not.

I know the National Institute or Institutes of Health, they spoke out on it saying, hey, let's avoid that if we can. My husband uses dried ice quite a bit for his job, and he has to put on these big heavy-duty gloves every time he touches it. I can't imagine just grabbing that stuff or putting it on your body. You'll stick to it, right? It'll pull the skin right off of you. Instead of tattoos or hot branding.

Oh, I remember that bit from 20 years ago or so, where the college kids were sizzling hot, you know, using a sizzling hot poker to brand their skin. I was a douchebag guilty of that. You did what? You did that? We heated up bottle caps on the stove one night and then branded ourselves with them. So what your shoulder says, Pepsi Cola?

No, it's just kind of the outline of a beer bottle, you know, like kind of the ridges. Not a beer bottle. Oh, beer cap, excuse me. Yes, beer cap. Is it still visible? No, I use some scar cream that I think was made designed for pregnant women after giving birth. I had to rub that stuff on me like every day for a couple of years.

If I look at the right light, I can still kind of see it, but it's not noticeable. For stretch marks? Yeah, so mid to late 90s. This was, I wasn't college, so probably 2007, 2008. Oh, a little later than I estimated. I thought that was more of a mid to late. All right. So instead of that hot branding or tattoos, young kids are freezing designs onto their skin.

They borrowed this idea from the livestock industry, where it's common to mark cattle and horses with that freeze damn branding. I mean, it's kind of impressive. Does some of it look sort of cool? Yeah, definitely. But it's not highly recommended by... No, it's actually saying, please don't do this. Let's see. HVAC slash R and stuff, Jesus said

that over the weekend he saw a guy use dry ice in the process of cooking a steak. He said it was, it looked interesting and it was very good. Hmm. You can cook it. I didn't know you could do it. I didn't know that either. Cook yourself a steak with ice?

What's that line from that movie? I'll come up with it. Super cold irons are applied to your skin, or you can do it to your hairdo. And it makes a very clear and visible mark. Oh, yeah, it's very clear. That's for sure. And some of the videos I watched, the people didn't look very affected. Like they weren't reacting.

They weren't like the tattoo lady where she's screaming. No, they weren't really reacting much at all. Trying to act tough. When we did the bottle caps, it hurt, and a buddy, mine, like, he kept squirming. So he got like four of them. It looked like his wrists looked like the Olympic rings, the Olympic logo. On the wrist. Ouch.

How much does he regret it at this point? Oh, very much so. I think we did within an hour of doing it. We're like, why the hell did we just do that? But what you were doing was burning. Yeah. This is freezing. And maybe there's something about the cold where you're.

You don't feel the pain right away. Josh was just saying he watched some of these fools freeze branding each other, and they weren't wincing. They weren't hollering out. Oh, not at all. Let me see if I can find one of those videos to show you, Ashley. What does it sound like when someone hollers out in pain from a tattoo? I wonder if we have some audio around here.

I can get you an example. God, I love this woman so much. Take a second. She's just the best. So this has become the latest thing that doctors are. having to step forward and comment on and just say, look. This is funny. One doctor who I think is fairly well known on the internet on social media,

TikTok and whatnot, just bluntly said this. They said, you are not a horse. Human skin is way thinner. And this refers back to how this freeze branding was borrowed from the livestock community. The doctor said, human skin is way thinner than a horse or a cow. You risk developing terrible, painful, bacterial infections in your skin. It can infect your bloodstream. You can get sepsis, which I'm sure every one of us knows somebody who's caught sepsis and almost died.

It's a brutal, awful thing. That killed my uncle. Jesus. I knew somebody else like, He said that I had a girlfriend that almost died from it. And it can give you a bone infection. Oh. Wonderful.

Oh. Speaking of yelling. Oh, my gosh. B. Rad G from Malibu is yelling at us over and over and over again saying liquid nitrogen. What about liquid nitrogen? I don't know. He said, it's liquid nitrogen. Now you have to start yelling at us again and say, what do you mean? Hey, dude, B-Rad from Malibu.

Keep it in your friggin' pants. This is what I read from the get-go. According to an article written about, and God, I bet that gal is a lot of fun in the sack. Anyway, don't you think, Josh, she just hollers out, makes you feel good about yourself? Heck yeah. You know you're doing a good job.

Yeah. I read this right from the get-go, B-Rad. And we're still bros, don't get me wrong, B-Rat. But I read right from the get-go. You use, according to this article, for freeze branding. Dry ice, isopropyl alcohol,

or liquid nitrogen. Yeah, you did mention it. I said the words out loud. Okay, now he's arguing saying you said dry ice. I know what I said, B-Rad. But B-Rad, G from Malibu also got back

and said Josh's mom has got a bone infection, L-O-L. See? I like that. He snucked that in there. Consider the source. Consider the source.

That's kind of nice that he took a break, you know, from yelling at us about liquid nitrogen. He felt bad. coming after me decided to go after you a little bit. And your beloved mother, oh, you know, I'm not a body modification guy.

So all this stuff comes off kind of silly to me. I would feel, I would feel pretty bad about myself if I was laid out in a hospital bed with sepsis because I wanted to freeze brand the McDonald's logo on my chest or something. Whatever, nothing against McDonald's. You know what I mean?

Yeah. We went to a museum for a field trip in middle school, and they had a piece of ice there that if you could touch it, it replicated how cold the water temperature was in the Titanic when it crashed. It'll give you an idea of what it was. And a buddy of mine said, like, do you think I could put my hand on there for five minutes? And we're like, I don't know, go ahead. So he did.

He put his hand on there for five minutes. Five minutes. Yes. ended up, like, tearing off some of the skin, getting frostbite on his fingertips. He had to miss the rest of the basketball season. This was at a museum? Yeah. And they allowed him to fist this.

Jesus, balls. I know. What was he going to get in return for his bravery? Some type of clout within, like, the five, six of those guys standing there? I could see doing that. But, yeah, you'd think if they allow that, they'd, it would be in a situation where you're not going to be out of your, What sport? Basketball.

Basketball season. And now your shooting guard is out for the season because you guys went to the science museum on a field trip. Yeah, he's walking around gauze on each tip of his finger for weeks. Try holding a pencil while doing that. It was hilarious. Now, we played the tattoo lady clip. Mom plowing Jesus said, that's a dude in that soundpiece.

No, first and fourth, that's liquid nitrogen. What you're hearing is liquid nitrogen. That's 100% a lady. It's a super old clip. Oh, for God's sake. We've studied it up and down for decades. We've watched that video over and over and over. That is a lady.

A lady with a horse voice. Dozer Jesus has a question for us this morning. Do any of us remember Bick lighter branding? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw a couple of people do that. I'm just talking about when you get the top of the lighter really hot and then press it on your skin? Yes. Oh, by the name of it, it didn't ring a bell.

and now that you've explained it, so you just have burn marks all over your body in the shape of a, the tip of a bick lighter? Yes. At least that's what I've seen. That's how I've seen it. What does it look like? Just like you injured yourself some out.

Yeah. Yeah, there's nothing. I mean, I remember the, you know, how do I say this? Blanketing a, you put a hanger on a, A stove top. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that one. No, I never saw anybody.

Ah, somebody texted him. Yeah, I completely forgot. It's like a certain type of lighter, but it makes like a little smiley face. Oh, that's okay. Oh, I haven't seen that. I just saw the regular ones. Smiley lighters, people are saying. I completely forgot that was the point of that.

So a certain type of lighter. I haven't seen that. Maybe it's Bick will create a tiny smiley. Like I said, no, this is a lot of, most of this is foreign to me. I was never into that. Body modification, whether it be tattoos or branding or, no, never drew me in. The 93x half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

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I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Joe, you know what's been great about being a saver? More money in the bank. And that money over the past couple of years has made a pretty good yield. Pre-pandemic, money was making zero. Now it's actually making something, but that's starting to go down, down, down.

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Every year, that guy waits to see what decorations I put out and then finds a way to top me. I string lights, he strings better lights. I put out Frosty, he puts out on Elf Village. I put out Dracula. He does nothing, and I look like a jackass. Randy Shaver, how you doing? I'm good. How are you? We're very good. And Brad Ryder, too. Hello, Brad.

Good morning. And also checking in with us today, boys, just because we're big fans and we wanted to say hello to our old pal. Also joining us today, ESPN, play-by-play pimp, the Clayboy, Clay Matvick. Good morning, Clay. Good morning. How are we doing? We're doing all right. Clay, thanks for taking the time to a round. with us. Is this about the only time a year when you get some time to yourself? You know, this is

a good time for me. Yeah, I'm not very busy right now. I'm busy getting the kids ready for the county fair coming up here in a couple weeks. Dude. They're showing steers at the fair. So I'm going to go out and feed steers here in a little bit and

you know, just getting ready for the Little League season, which we'll be covering again on ESPN here in a couple weeks too. Okay, the Little League World Series. Yeah. Okay. Wait a minute. Your kids are showing steers at the county fair?

Yeah. Jack has been showing, he's my oldest, and he's been showing steers now for about five years, six years. Really? Yeah, it's gotten easier. It's never easy, but it's gotten easier for us because we've kind of learned as we've gone along. He's got an animal that he's pretty proud of this year, and he's hoping to get a state fair trip. That sounds friggin' awesome. So you have these animals on your property and your children took an interest in it at first,

or you and your wife took an interest? How did that start? Well, I got to be honest here. It was kind of my idea. My wife didn't want anything to do with this, obviously. Yeah. But, you know, as a kid, you know, first like seven, eight years in my life, we were on a farm, and then dad decided to quit farming and naturally get into broadcasting,

thing, which a lot of people do. That's a natural career path. Yeah. Yeah. So I left the farm, and as a kid, I always kind of had fun memories of that. And I always said that if, you know, when I get older, I have kids, I'd love to get them into four-age because, you know, I always kind of envied those kids. I always, you know, going through the barns at the fair, I always thought they, you know,

were such good kids and they had great projects. And so, well, we've done that with our kids, and it's been a great experience. Those are some of the best kids I've ever met, kids that belong to the 4-H club. They're incredible. Such good manners, respectful. What a great story. I had no idea. So what county fair can folks see Jack Matvick's prize steer?

The Washington County Fair. I'll be damn. We actually live in Anoka County, but his 4-H club is in Scandia. Okay. And so that's in Washington County, so he shows Washington County Fair. Wow. And that'll be here in a couple weeks. It starts next two weeks from now.

I find that so interesting. Brad Ryder, were you a 4-H kid? For a while, we didn't have animals on the farm that I grew up on. We were just, it was just a crop farm. Okay. So I was in 4-H. I was also in FFA for a while. But, yeah, I mean, without having animals or steer or lambs or.

sheep or whatever on your farm, you know, those things are obviously a little tougher because all you're doing is farming the land. So I don't have that type of experience like Clay does. We got Clay Matvick on the line, and we've already learned something fascinating. I'm drawn to this in a big way. So tell us Clay Matvick is we don't know Dick Tracy about this kind of a thing. Tell us what's like, what are some of the two most important things when showing a steer to be judged at a fair? Well, they look at a variety of things. You know, obviously, how it's built, how it looks on the hoof, you know, how it stands, you know, how much meat it's on the frame.

Man. These are things that the judge will walk around the steer and look at, also how it's grown. And then there's another category with the kid itself, how he shows the sphere or she, you know, and, you know, how they handle the animal. And that's called showmanship. So there's a lot that goes into this. And so Jack has gotten better as the years have gone on. But, you know, it's still a work in progress.

He's going to be a sophomore this year, and they can do it up until they're 19. So he wants to do this for a few more years yet. So it's going to be fun. Got a text message here from East Winstead Jesus, who said, I've always liked Clay Matvick quite a bit. Now I like him even more. He's speaking my Winstead language about Steers right now. Yeah.

Randy Schaeber, don't you find this very interesting? Yeah, I guess I have a couple of questions. One, where did you go to find your first animal? And two, how much does that cost to have any? Rude question. Both good questions and both took me by surprise when we first got into this. You know, trying to find animals to buy or lease when we first started out. It was a problem because we just didn't know, you know,

where to go. We had some contacts through the 4-H club, so we started there naturally. But, you know, we bought animals off of Craigslist at times. But now the more people that we have started to come in contact with through the fair, we've developed relationships with some people. The last year we bought was this past winter in Chicago, Minnesota, which is out in the west central part of the states, about three and a half hour drive from the cities. And so, you know, it was a hike, and we had to do it in the middle of January. Oh, man. And, but that's the one he has now.

And it's the best one we've ever had. So, you know, you've got to look for them. And, yeah, they don't come cheap. We bought a couple of bottle caps. These calves are still, we're still on the bottle here as of two months ago, finally weaned them off, but they were on the bottle as two months ago, and they came in at $800 apiece, and I don't even know that they weighed 100 pounds each. So that's the price of beef right now.

And, you know, the steer that Jack is going to show, that thing is weighing in at about 1,350 pounds right now. Have you ever been Gord? No, I have not been Gord. I'm looking forward to the first time, though. You've got to get the first one out of the way. I will try to record that for your enjoyment. What an awesome side gig, really.

What an awesome thing to be involved in. I really think that's great. My dad was a 4-H kid. He showed cattle at the county fairs when he was a kid. Never got that state fair nod. You know, we talk about the investment that people have to put into their kids for youth sports. This is a different level. I mean, this is a whole different level of investment that you're putting in.

into that, so you should be commended for that for doing that. Well, yeah, the thing is Jack's also doing the travel baseball thing, and his season just ended last night. But, I mean, that's been basically my summer. It's been baseball, lacrossears. You know, it's pretty good, but, you know,

it's been a lot of fun, and we enjoy it. I did break my finger last winter, chasing a steer down in the, in the pasture, because it was icy, and I reached out for the lead rope, and I fell down and I broke my ring finger and I had to have my wedding ring cut off.

Oh. I'm not kidding. Man. Ouch. You are. You're the manliest man on this program. Easily. Easily the man. I did not know you were involved in such things and I think that's just wonderful. I also have a,

what I think is a decent story. A gal friend of mine comes from Clark, South Dakota, very small town in South Dakota. You do know Clark. And her family had cattle. and she got involved in showing cattle at the county fairs and things like that. Well, she was a very little girl when she got her very own, her first very own cow. And because she was just this little girl, she named the cow pussycat.

Well, as she got older and as soon as like her uncles and whatnot found out about it, the name of that cow got abbreviated. But the best part of the story is when she was about 15 or 16, she won the blue ribbon at her county fair with her cow, and they did not F around in that small town of Clark. In the paper, let's say her last name was Parker. I don't know. In the paper, it said Parker wins first prize at the...

It did. They did not call the cow pussycat in the paper. They abbreviated it. And it said, Parker's win wins the blue ribbon at the county fair. Good for them. There she was with a picture of her and her. I hope that's framed somewhere in her house. That seems like an onion headline.

Yeah. I'm sure she's got it somewhere. What is the name of the steer, Clay? This steer is named rooster this year. We're going with a John Wayne theme. The steer is rooster cockburn. One of the calves is named Labif from the character that Glenn Campbell plays in the movie. You've got to be kidding me.

Rooster and LaBeef. The other one is named Pepper for Ned Pepper. Dude, that is beautiful. By the way, what do you think of the remake of Rooster Cogburn? You know what I really like? True grit, yeah. I really did. You know, they stuck to the book.

Charles Portis wrote that book. and it's one of the great American novels, in my opinion. And, you know, the fact that they stuck to the original script, and, you know, Ned, not Ned Pepper, Barry Pepper played the bad guy in that movie, and I thought he was brilliant. I thought the whole thing was great. I loved Jeff Bridges and everything about the True Grit remake.

Yeah, you're, you know, Clayboy, he's really a country boy more than he is a Clayboy anymore. I mean, but that was your roots, you know, You grew up in Princeton and all that, and like you said, you had the farm thing going there for a while. It's all had no cattle up until a few years ago. Now we've got a few. And you've been on ESPN now for many, many, many years, and we dig watching you. Who are some of the folks you really like working with over there at ESPN, Clay?

Oh, God, there's litany people that have worked with over the years. A lot of good ones. You know, Kyle Peterson, who's been my baseball partner a lot, especially doing the college stuff, is one of my favorites. But, you know, I've been working with a lot of good people over the years. Rocky Boyman, former Notre Dame linebacker, NFL linebacker, has been my partner in recent years. Coach Steve Adazio was my partner last year. I think we're going to be partnered again this year, but assignments haven't come out. just found out yesterday I'm going to be coming back for another three years, so that's good. A little security is a nice thing.

Well, especially when you've got $2,800 steers just stumbling around your property. You know, it's just, it's an industry. And, you know, Randy can attest to this and Brad, too. I mean, you know, it's an industry that has changed a lot, especially since, you know, we've been in it over the last 30 years. But, you know, when it seems like it's on hyper speed over the last five. And, you know, with that uncertainty, to have three years, you know, set aside here that I know I'm going to be safe at ESPN, that's just fantastic. And that's good for my family.

And just looking forward to that. If you look around at what's happened to Ballet Sports North, and you look around at all the changes there. And if you talk to those people over there from day to day, they don't know what their situations are. No doubt. And that used to be the most stable part. of broadcasting was the sports broadcasting arm of everything and now even that's in question so well i i saw something come out here just in the last day or so that broadcast network television has dropped below 20 percent viewership for the first time in history so that would be cbs a bcnbc

and and that just kind of gives you an idea where it's going now and cable has dipped as well, but it's all going towards streaming and direct to consumer. And fortunately, ESPN does have a model where we do have a lot of our games doing that. And we go direct to consumer on just about everything we do. So I have a feeling I'm going to be doing more of that in the future and probably less linear television and more streaming. And I don't care. I just want to do a game. Well, it is. I think part of your appeal to them, and this is a a compliment you. Part of your appeal to them is the fact you do college football for them. You do basketball for them. You do Little League World Series games for them. You do college baseball.

I mean, you know, I mean, you do it. You're very versatile. And there's not a lot of guys out there today who can do all of that and do it well like you do. And you know what to do with big piles of steer feces. You know, it's funny that you, you mentioned the steer feces because I actually did two years of rodeo about 20 years ago. And that was interesting. That was a lot of fun. I don't think it was very good at it, just the two years.

But, you know, I did some rodeo. I would love a chance to do it again. I just don't think there's going to be any inventory for me. You didn't know he was such a badass, did you, Josh? Oh, I knew. Clay doing rodeo. Absolutely. I'll tell you, Clay and I've been wrapping back and forth a little bit on the telephone, you know, leading up to this.

And I mentioned it to Brad Ryder that we were going to bring Clay into the mix again sometime soon. And Brad, there was a story I thought you wanted to ask Clay about or a story you wanted to tell. Because a lot of folks don't know this. When Brad was working for the University of Minnesota Golden Gopher Hockey Program and Clay was calling games for that club, Clay, Brad, Brad, Clay was kind of your wingman, right? When you guys were going to the clubs and whatnot? Wingman.

That'd be a hell of a wingman. It wasn't just then. Well, it wasn't just then. It was when I went to work for the twins. Oh, yeah, the twins. Play was kind of the Audra Martin, so to speak, of twins broadcast at that point. So, I'm just trying to paint a picture so people know what he did.

He was your wingman. He was, well, yeah. And, you know, Clay and I would. would have conversations during long baseball games and things of that sort, and we'd take walks around the Metro and Concourse. He's making it sound romantic. So do you remember the story you wanted to tell? You said something a couple weeks ago.

Well, I'll just leave it. I'll just put it this way. Clay was single at the time, and I was not quite single, but I wasn't married yet at that point. And we would take pregame walks around the Metroome Concourse, remember this, Clay? We would, yeah, we would just take walks around the concourse on certain nights to, you know, just make sure that everybody got to their seat okay. The end. Oh, sure. The end, he says.

I see. Yeah. It's kind of like going to the world. I was wondering how you were going to wrap that up, Brad. I'm glad that you did it the way you do. I think we're just going to leave it. We're going to leave at that. Clay and I and a few other Peter Scottal.

McConnell with the twins, we would do things like that. Yeah, that was a long time ago. That was BC before Clay's wedding. But I think that's the most appropriate way to tell that story, but we had a good time, Clay and I also went on a place.

Clay's an awesome dude. We just have a good time. We are all big fans, and we've established this morning certainly one thing, and that is Clay's a hick, Clay's a country boy. He is. A little backward. probably.

Yeah. At your core, you are a country boy. And here's a quick little story. Many years ago, Clay and I were at the Wise Ed American Legion, and it was Karoki night. And someone put a Karoki book in front of us, you know how they pass them all out in case he want to sing. And Clay says, I'll tell you, he looks right in my eyes and he says, we're singing a song,

and that song's Poncho and Lefty, and I won't take no for an answer. And we got up there and we sang Poncho and Lefty by Willie Nelson. and Whalen Jennings or Merle Haggard or whoever the hell. And I love that song, but you were adamant. If we're singing, we're singing Poncho and Lefty, which is, was a fun, fun times back then. Yeah, and we sang it in the key of C, even though it's in the key B. I'm sure it wasn't pretty. So before we let you go, before we let you go, Clay, what is it that you call sports for a living?

So does that mean when you're away from it, you shut it completely off, or is there something that's grabbing you right now that you're into right now? Yeah, you know, I keep an eye on the twins. You know, that's the team that, you know, I'm never going to not follow. You know, I'm hoping the second half they can get hot like they did in the spring and go on a run. Because, you know, what are they four out in the wild character or stuff like that? Yeah. They need to make some hay against Colorado because that's the team they need to beat up on.

let's see how they start and you know hopefully it'll it'll propel them here in the second half but i'll admit i don't watch as much sports as you might think yeah i have to i have to kind of get away from it that randy knows this i mean you know after you get up get out the 10 o'clock news randy did you go home and watch the replay of a ball game probably not you know i i just you know after getting home from a baseball trip or a football trip i'm not spending all sunday after afternoon watching the NFL. I'll, you know, keep my nose in it to know what's going on for the day. But I'm not digesting three hours or six hours of football games.

No. I agree with that 100%. People assume, too, that I watch every – I watch all the sports on TV, and that's the last thing I wanted to do. And that's even the last thing I want to do now sometimes. Well, how many times have we said it – I mean, when we walk away from the radio station, it's not like I immediately want to hear someone else's radio show. You know, every day when we leave here, I want to stay away from radio as much as possible until the next morning.

And it is concerning what you told us, Clay, about how network television numbers are back. And that is concerning. I mean, radio's thriving. Yeah, it's true. Especially in the Twin Cities, this greater Northland area. Oh, my God. Clay, thank you very much for taking the time to wrap with us. Good luck. Tell your boy. good luck at the county fair.

And it's always good talking with you guys. And you holler at us any time. We love talking to you. Well, we'll do. Have a good summer, guys. Thank you, Clay. Can I hump your leg for 15 uninterrupted seconds? The 83X Half-Assed Morning Show.

Welcome to the Half-Ass Morning Show. It's just the worst. Well, actually, according to the readers of brobibble.com, Monday is the second worst day of the week, Josh. the worst being tomorrow Tuesday yeah I'm surprised that was what they said I agree with that you do agree with Tuesdays here's why Tuesday is the worst day

Tuesday sucks because it's basically Monday fatigue and still too much work week ahead no fun nothing special taco Tuesdays just a lame attempt to make it all feel better that's why Tuesday was voted the worst day of the week Monday is the second worst. They say it's not as bad as Tuesday, but still sucks.

At least Monday you have a little momentum from the weekend, and everyone's misery is shared. And then they throw in, plus, there's the occasional consolation of something like Monday night football. Yeah, if you have a good weekend, I think on Mondays you've got a little extra pep in your step, and then Tuesday is kind of when reality kind of sinks in.

You're like, God, we still got a long ways to go here, don't we? That's how they played it out on brobibble.com, Josh. Well, that's a fun website for sure. I'm not going to argue with those guys. I guess I've never had a negative feeling about Tuesdays. I figure today's the day we start coasting until Friday. Yeah. Give some effort on Monday.

Wednesday sometimes. But after that, no effort whatsoever. That's how they played it out. We have a couple of reasons to look forward to this week. Number one, this Friday is our annual Toys for Tata's. toy drive. Oh, that came up quick. Yeah, I did. We look forward to seeing everybody and all of y'all Friday morning at Rick's Cabaret Gentlemen's Club in downtown Minneapolis starting at 6 a.m. We know you won't let us down. We know you'll pack the place. And most importantly,

bring some great stuff for the kids who could use your help. Sure, topless college girls everywhere and nobody enjoys that part of it more than me and Ashley. But most importantly, we got to stack up toys for the kids who could use a few laughs this holiday season. Yeah, and thanks to you. I mean, we started out with one charity and I think we're up to maybe four at this point. There's so many toys where the charities are like, I can't believe we're in this situation, but we can't accept any more toys. It's going to be too difficult for us to hand them out. In one case, one of them said this takes care of the entire year for us. That's awesome. Birthday. This is a women's and children's shelter, Dakota

Woodlands, who said, you know, we really spread it out the entire year. It was so great. And people didn't have places to store it. So thank you so much. And it's been that way every year, every single year. So we've been able to add more charities to it. And the brother and sister would show up too with cool toys, not just, you know, okay, I got this a Walgreens on my way over. They bring cool stuff. The point where I'm looking, I'm like, oh, I kind of want that. Yeah, you know, Every once in a while, there'll be somebody that tries to get in with like a used matchbox car. But then we have them deported from the country. Exactly.

And people have learned their lesson. So that's reason number one to look forward to this week is we're going to have a great crowd. I know we will. We'll have a great crowd Friday morning at Rick's Cabaret. And plenty of donations, those unwrapped toys for kids of kids of all. all ages. If you bring that unwrapped toy, maybe you're new to the situation. Maybe you've never been a part of toys for Tatas. If you bring in a new unwrapped toy, you get free admission, you get that free buffet while supplies last. We've never cleaned the buffet out completely before,

have we? No, they're very good at planning for that. They know how busy it'll get. But you always have to say while supplies last, just in case we get some true eaters. which I am. You are. Ashley's a true eater. Just in case a few slobs, just clean it smooth out. Some guy walks in and says, hey, where's the food? You got to throw that in.

While supplies last. Doors open at six. Buffet also at six. Cash bar. We will not be broadcasting live from the event, but we'll be there by damn as soon as we can when we get off the air at 9. Oh, and some gathering of the folks from Rick's Cabaret will be walking into our radio studios this morning.

Yeah, around 8.30 will have a few girls that are going to join us. Well, then. We're graced with their presence every year. It would be fun to have them in. They always make our studios smell so good. That's true. That's true. Sometimes they make it smell like grass.

Yeah, that has happened. I think Ashley means that what smells good. Yeah, that's what she's saying. That's the pleasant smell you're referring to? Yes. Thick green marijuana cigarettes. Yeah, marijuana and vanilla. Some of the side fun for the Rick's Cabaret event are the people that show up for the first time,

you know, getting a chance to meet them and people say, I've been meeting to come for years and they finally got to show up. And also the people looking around hoping that they don't get busted by their significant other or boss, something like that. There could be a first timer this year and I don't know how to feel about it. over the weekend my wife said you know maybe I should show up I've never gone to one of these before is that going to make you uncomfortable well at first I thought oh that'll be great that'll be a lot I've always tried to get her to go to a strip club and I don't think she's when she was uh I think she went

to the Voo when she was 18 you know kind of like what you do right until you're old enough to go to ricks sure so you know you've always tried to get her to go to a strip club yeah well when um the thunder from down under was in town and Ashley was going um I was like, you got to go. Get some girlfriends together and go have some fun. And then for Rick's Cabaret, but she's always worked. Well, she's got this Friday off. So she said she was thinking about going up.

I don't know, Josh, when I had my husband come one year. And then I was like, you know, yeah, that's enough. Get out of here. Yeah. It's like you're kind of cramping my style. I have to like care about you during the, and I don't want to. You know, you make me feel obligated to talk to you and acknowledge you. Yeah.

That's a lot of pressure. Right. And you don't want to sit there and make sure he's having fun. Exactly, Dana. Can I ask you something? Do you have to make sure somebody's having fun at a strip club? That's his point. I think he'll be okay.

What's the old slogan? You don't bring sand to the beach. Right? Yeah. So why bring a significant other to the... Oh, I don't think any of those beach bunnies are going to be interested in this guy. You never think that any woman's ever interested in you. My wife barely.

When I'm sure five or six. of the girls at Ricks would love to fire you down. So, all right, so we might see Cubby wife. Yeah, I don't know if she'll make it or not. You're not comfortable at the strip joint. You know, I don't want to say that on a day they're coming in, but yeah, I'm not. I mean, I understand the appeal. Josh stands with his back towards the dancers.

Yeah, I don't really, you know, I'm a shoegacer. You try not to look. Yeah. I'm a shoegazer. You are so friggin' unique in many ways. You feel uncomfortable even looking at the girls. Don't be, you know, I do enjoy it. It's a fun time.

It's fun to talk to people. But yeah, when the girls come over or whatever, I'll be looking at the burliest man there or my shoes. That's so great because I stare. Oh, I know. And that's part of the fun for me is watching how excited you get and folks that are as excited as you are. I always forget how great it is until I'm there.

It's a beautiful place. Hell for many years, it was my home away from home. Oh, my gosh. You're not kidding. No, it was. Interesting then that, you know, you're already sort of, the only word I can come up with is uncomfortable. Out of your element.

You're already very out of your element there. I'm interested to read your body language Friday, if you're standing next to your wife. Well, you guys know her well enough to know. She's so easy going that, you know, she's content wherever. Can I throw away two girls at the same time lap dance her way? I wonder how I'd be interested to see how she responds. Or they kind of teeter-totter right on your face?

Have you seen the two girls at one time lap? Ashley, of course, has seen. They use your face as a teeter-totter. It's impressive. So you think she'd be okay with that? I don't know about the dance, but I think she'd be fine there. One of the finest memories I have of all the years we've been doing the Toys for Tata's gimmick at Rick's Cabaret, 25 years, whatever it's been.

One of the greatest moments was when we walked in and here come all the girls running across the bar to come say hello. And one of our promotions guys, big tall some bitch. he looked very uncomfortable and after the girls walked away, he said, yeah, you see the one in the red right there? And we said, yeah, yeah, that's my niece. So I don't want to see any of you peckerheads getting a lap dance from her. You just put a target on her. Yeah.

How many lap dances did you get from the one in red? You see that one right there? We are not related whatsoever. And we said, yeah, man, no problem. Yeah, we get it. Yeah, you better not. Don't be getting a lap dance from her. That's my niece.

I mean, he went to take a piss. We had her sitting on our head within 30 seconds. She and I actually, on that day, truthfully, the two of us fell in love. I remember that. Yeah. I fell in love with his niece that day, and she fell in love with me. And you went back and watched her perform a few times after that? We had a little bit of a relationship there for a while.

while. Yeah. How did he take that? You guys were tight. He was fine with it. Yeah. He was fine with it. If anybody was going to have a relationship with her, I'd imagine he'd be cool

with you. Yeah, we were pretty tight, me and him. So he goes off to take a piss. We all hollered, hey, get over here to his niece. We'd like lap dances over here, just so when he came out to John, we could see his face. Yeah. Oh, and he was not pleased. You know, there's so many great things about him, and I miss him quite a bit.

He was really fun to be around. We, I think I told you this before, but we had a promotion at a Menards at like nine in the morning on a Sunday. Oh, nothing but fun. And so we're in the way, you know I love Menards, but 9 a.m. on a Sunday, it wasn't necessarily the busiest. And so we had a lot of time to catch up. And all of a sudden he goes, oh, no. I'm like, what is it? And he says, you see that blonde over there?

I hooked up with her last night. And she was a 10. And I'm like, yeah, right. I thought for sure he's just talking and she came over and starts talking and she's like, hey, had a good time and all that kind of stuff. I'm like, my God, he's telling the truth. He didn't lie? No, he was,

there's no way the two of them should have been together, but they were and he was being 100% truthful. He was a player. Yeah, he was. And that's what was so odd about him making that request that none of us go near his stripper niece, was if the situation was reversed, if it

was my niece, he would have gone after her. Yeah, so don't be putting that on us. You know what I mean? He was a slut. Yeah, what did he call me? The biggest pimp in a pimp. A pimp, that's right. He called you a pimp. That's how he talked. Yeah. What's up, dude? Yeah. Nothing. Nothing dog. That's how he talked. And so one day I ran into him, you know, years after he was done working in this building. And I ran into him and he says, how's Josh doing? Yeah. For whatever reason, all of his sentences ended with. Yeah. How Josh doing?

Yeah. I said Josh is great. You know, he's got a wife now. He's got a couple of kids. And he says this, yeah, Josh a pimp. Awesome. I'll tell you this. You might be picturing something.

He looked like a larger kid rock. Just a taller, larger kid rock. I mean, like five or six times the size of kid rock. Yeah. Like three kid rocks together. So we'll see. about the folks from Rick's Cabaret coming in studio again. Friday's Toys for Tata's. Plan on being there. We know you'll do the right thing. And then Saturday night,

your need for alcohol can also benefit some deserving children this holiday season. All you got to do is come drink at the Stanchion in Corkerin Saturday night. We're helping out their Toys for Tots event. We're joining their guest bartending event Saturday night at the Stanchion. I believe this is our third year. Yep. That's right, Ashley, third year? Yep, third year. So much fun. That we've helped out and we're always honored to be invited. Wonderful people at the Stanchion, cool little joint up there in Corcoran. They've really been gaining a lot of steam over the last five, six, seven, eight years. I mean, it's becoming a really popular joint. So we're

honored to be invited. So the more drinks you buy, the more monies go to Toys for Tots. This is Saturday, specifically from 9 to 10.30, Ashley, C. Willie Miles, and I will be behind the bar mixing drinks as best we can, trying to make as much money as we can for the cause. We'll also be joined behind the bar by our old friend Terry Trane. I saw Terry on Friday, And she mentioned she was excited to go out there and hang out with everybody. So come on by and buy yourself a cold one. There'll be other groups starting at like 6 o'clock. There's like a rotating cast of bartenders.

So it's kind of a competition. From like 6 to 7.30, some local farmers from the Corcoran area will be behind the bar. After that, there's going to be some TV people. I'm forgetting who exactly I can get you more detailed information as we get closer to the event. event. So it's kind of a competition as to which groups can perform the best behind the bar and make the most money. Specifically, we will be behind the bar. Me, Ashley, see William Miles and Terry Train from 9 to 1030 on Saturday night. And Ashley's a professional bartender. She's very good. And you got yelled at last year for not being a professional bartender.

I'm not good. I'm not good at it. All I know is beer. Can you just be the beer guy? Ashley, is that cool? Like if there's just a beer? beer guy, or is that not worth? Yeah, that works. I don't think that's going to handicap us. That's going to slow us down. Would it really? Yes. If all I'm doing is beer, I'm going to miss out on some orders because it gets very, very busy. I do my best, but as I've mentioned on this radio show, I was raised by beer drinkers. I'm a beer drinker. I know Jack Squad about hard liquor. I know Jack Squad about seltzers and the most frustrated a customer ever got with me.

I think it was last year. And it's very loud. And so, you know, in a loud bar, I can pick out someone saying Budweiser from across the bar because I've heard Budweiser since I was one years old, right? But when folks are shouting out these drinks that I've never heard of in a loud bar, it's even more difficult to decipher because I've never heard a human being say that out loud before.

The one where a guy had every reason to be mad at me was when he said, I need five Don Julios. And I said, what? Don Julios. And I was like, John Alo? You know, because it's so loud. And so when he finally made it clear, he's like, Don Julio. I had to say, well, what is that?

I don't know either. Right. I don't remember what it is now. but so yeah I struggle back there I do because I just don't don't realize the situation that you guys weren't bartenders you're helping out as a charity event well honestly that I think he knew the situation he still got frustrated it's just a fact that I don't blame him he had to say it's tequila it's like one of the most common tequila anyone can order I'll go along with it on that either you may be lying to me I wouldn't know but no no he knew the situation but I don't blame him. He had to scream it five times before I even heard what he said, and then I had to ask him what it was. I was at a bar once where this girl's like,

hey, I'm going to buy you a shot of Petron. And I was trying to be polite. I said, oh, cool, you know, thank you very much. I had no idea what it was. And she was expecting a bigger response. So it's fancy, right, Ashley? It's a little bit more expensive than, yeah, the basic stuff. Yes, okay.

So she's looking at me like, you don't appreciate Patric. And then I was embarrassed, and I said, I'm sorry, I would have shown as much appreciation as you expected, but I don't know what that is. I'd never heard of it before. She's like, gosh, darn it, I could have just got him some crappy liquor. You could have got a railed tequila. You'd have been fine. No way I'd be able to tell the difference.

So I'm the weak link back there, no question, just because my lack of knowledge overall when it comes to anything other than beer. Ashley's very skilled back there. And you are a little hard of hearing. My hearing sucks, especially in a noisy joint. It's very, very loud in there. So it'll be me, Ashley, see Willie Miles and Terry Train will be doing our best because the more drinks we sell, the more money goes to Toys for Tots. And it's just a cool, cool vibe and a cool event.

Do they ever try to test you knowing that you're not actual bartenders and try to throw some fancy mixed shots your way to see if you can make them? Yeah, I'll tell them. Yeah, I don't know. I don't remember. Dana, it goes by so fast and you're working so fast. Yeah, I don't. If anyone has ever effed me in that fashion, I don't recall just because you, I mean, I get down to my tank top back there.

You sweat your nuts. I was just going to ask if you're going to dress sexy. You sweat your nuts off. I mean, I want a coyote ugly out of you. Oh, it's so hot, dude. Yeah. We got pictures from a couple years ago. I think I was in a wife beater just because I was completely sweating my.

You know what I'll be doing that night? Saturday night. Saturday night. So my son has a basketball tournament at my alma mater. Sure. I might be running the board just like I did about 33, 34 years. It's the scoreboard. Scoreboard.

33, 34 years ago. Oh, be careful. Parents get crabby. Yeah. They always need. What do you mean? Now there's pressure. Oh, yeah.

Like if you accidentally hit two points for the visiting team as opposed to the home team, they'll get on you. Oh, yeah. So far I've been pretty lucky with that. So far, I ran the board for about, I don't know, six, seven games. I didn't even mean that. I did not mean that. Back in, you know, 1991.

So every game, a parent needs to run the scoreboard and it's your turn? Well, yeah, you have volunteer jobs, right? And so I think they might need somebody. Well, that's kind of exciting. Lots has changed, I imagine, technologically, with running the scoreboard. I would think so. You know, going back to you were an eighth grader or something? No, in high school.

High school. So, like maybe a sophomore? I'm sure you'll do fine. You can show your son around the school? Yeah, see that locker? That's where they stuffed me back in the day. And that locker. And we can go upstairs for two more.

Do you want to see the locker room? I did that with my older kids when they had tournaments there. So, like, my, well, maybe Camden. But Allie had volleyball and table tennis, I think, a couple of them. Oh, sweet. And I tried to show them around like, hey, this was this, and nobody had any interest whatsoever. You see that trophy case over there, kids?

I had nothing to do with that. Well, when I went there, it was empty. Oh, really? Yeah. That was, except there's maybe some dance line. I mean, that school has changed so much. Oh, big time. Really fancy at this point.

So Saturday night, I'll let you guys know if I get yelled at, if I get to run that thing. Going back to your old alma mater to run the scoreboard for some eighth grade basketball. Yep. it's the dream right there the first team is they're playing my wife's alma mater and so she's deciding if she wants to cheer for her son

or her old school her old school grudge match so far that's the way she's leaning I mean how's your son more importantly my godson's team how many times do you think you'll have to attend to the scoreboard you don't what I'm talking about how many

depends on the game I mean it's not 10 or 12 baskets No, a couple of games they got, they were in the 40s, you know. Whoa. Like they won two out of three yesterday in Northfield. You know, maybe for the first eight, ten minutes of the ball game, you just sit there with your thumb up your ass, you know. It's possible.

There's been a couple of games like that. Is anybody going to put the ball into the basket? Well, you do wonder like, hey, they realize like the goal is to get it into the basket. Right. Or did anybody show up today? They have their moments for sure. Ah, there you go. The 93X half-assed morning show.

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