93X Half-Assed Morning Show - ("Best Of"): Plumbing is Just Water LEGO

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

The Best of the Half-Assed Morning Show.  Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserve since 1930. The Half-assed Morning Show Backtracks. I hope everyone's doing great. Let's start with you, Josh. Me, what did I do? I got something for you, for starters. Oh, no. No, no, this is fun.

Are you nervous? A little bit, yeah. I got something for you, for starters. First, a question, and I think I know how you'll answer this. Would you say you're an average person? would you say above average, below average? Where would you go with that? Are you the average sum bitch?

Above below? Average at best, probably. That's what I thought you were going to say. Just overall, I mean, if we're looking at all the negatives and the positives, probably average to a little below average. I knew you'd said. I think you're above average. No, no, that's not.

Maybe above average and some negative things, but I'd say just overall, the entire picture, average. here's the deal here's where I'm going with this what I have here Josh is a list of some things okay

are you following this so far yeah I mean you got a little detailed for me there but sure I have a list of some things of some things and Cubby according to what I read this morning if you can do nine

of the 20 things you are average. Oh, it's scary. Pressure. Now, knowing you as well as I do, I looked at the list, and I found, one, two, three, four, I found ten things that I'm fairly certain you are able to do. So confirm or deny real quick, if you would, Josh. I'm going to read for you the ten things on this list of 20 that I believe you can do.

Okay. And if you confirm all of these, then you are not only average, but a notch above. Like I said, if you can do nine of them your average, I think you can do. Let's start with this one. I believe that you can replace an electrical outlet. Oh, yeah, I've done it many times. All right. That's impressive.

It looks hard. I don't like electricity. That's scary. Electricity scares the hell out of me. Me too. It makes me so uncomfortable. I get nervous around the electricity. Well, I have an outlet that I would love for you to replace.

I'd be happy to. Josh, that would be really nice. I'd be happy to. I was shamed once by an electrician who made fun of me because I turned the power off, which, you know, I thought you were supposed to do. Well, they got that frigging thing that they can stick in the thing, even when the power's on, it can tell them if this is happening or that. They stick their thing in the thing.

He had a thing. Yeah. And then he told me, if you ever see an electrician turn the power off to replace a switch or an outlet, that's not the electrician you want. Yeah. I've got a couple of electrician buddies, and they risk death at every turn just to show off. They do. But better them than me.

I've got a couple good shocks, especially when it comes to changing the light switch. Yeah, you had, didn't you stick your thumb in there and your whole beard exploded or something? Oh, man, it was bad. And this was when I used to turn the circuit off, right? I never knew. I felt so stupid afterwards, of course, that there could be more, more than one. circuit go into the exact same like multiple switches right so a couple of them the circuit was off and i went to the next one thinking well that controls all of them and i held it at the like just the screws on the

side where the worst places to put it yeah i think that thing kept me there for 10 seconds it felt like i electrocuted myself once at home and just as you described the current held me there for a while it's terrifying there was nothing i could do i was just at the mercy whether it wanted to kill me or not on that day. It decided not to kill me on that day. It's a macabre mix of pain. Yes. Feeling stupid. You know, also the moment thinking, I'm going to die like this. Yeah. It's incredibly embarrassing. All right. We got one in the books. Again, if Cubby can do nine of these 20 things, he is average. I think, seeing how I looked at the list, I think you, you know how to do 10 of these things. Replace an electrical outlet by the dam. He said, sure, I can do that. Now, HVAC God Jesus said, don't

trust anyone who doesn't take safety into consideration. He's an idiot. Turn off the damn power. See, we've got a whole different point of view now, don't we? I hear you. As somebody who is not very skilled in this, I should do that. Electricity and gas scares the hell out of me, so I don't deal with either one. Okay, on the same level, reset a breaker, of course.

You can. Yeah. We used to have the little screw-in ones growing up. Ours, too. They'd pop, and then you'd go running down into the basement and see if there's any spare fuses sitting around, right? Same gimmick. All right. We've got two now.

You know how to use a fire extinguisher, right? Yeah. You ever had to put out of fire? I have, yes. You have put out of fire. Yeah. When did you put out? Was it sketchy?

This is going to be good. Was it getting to a level where it was like, ah, this is very, very worrisome? Or was it kind of just a quick little? It went quickly. I mean, like it started from nothing and that it was, this was at a kitchen. I worked in. Oh, scary. You put out a fire with a fire extinguisher, not with a bucket of water or something.

Unfortunately, for me, it was a little embarrassing. I ruined that person's birthday. I didn't realize there'd be that many candles on that cake. I covered the whole thing. Oh, no. That part was embarrassing. But the fire was put out, one candle at a time. There you go.

You know how to use a fire extinguisher. I guess I'd like to think I'd be able to figure it out, but I've never done one before. I used one once, and it was a lot of fun. Is it just kind of the way it looks? You pull the pin and clamp down on it? relatively easy. Yeah, okay. Mine wasn't like out of fire.

It was just for the heck of it. I saw somebody do it at a strip club once, and unfortunately we were with them, and it was very embarrassing. He took that off the wall and decided he was the funny guy. Oh, no. I got hit right in the face with that fire extinguisher goo. A friend played a prank on us in high school.

How to taste. Right in the mug. Tasted kind of an extinguishery. Oh, I'll bet. You know how to write in legible, cursive, do you not? You know what? I tried it not too long ago, and it took me a couple of seconds.

Write me a couple of words in curf. Whatever your favorite words are, write them down real quick in cursive, and I'm going to grade your performance. I love writing in cursive. We're going through some things here with Cubby to find out if he's average, below average, or above average. There's a list

of 20 things, 20 tasks, I guess. If you can do nine of them, you are average. So far, Josh. One, two, three, he's got three of them already. The next is... Oh, I'm so excited to see it. The ability to write in legible cursive,

so he's writing down a couple of words for me, and I'm going to grade it. I learned all about cursive, right, in grade school. I think I can put on a pretty good show. Okay, so Josh wrote down a couple of words for me. He wrote, well, this is just adorable. Oh, did he write, I love you? No, he wrote cream pie.

I didn't. I would never write that. In cursive, he wrote. I did not write that. Oh, a nice fancy cream pie. Take that back. He wrote, Daddy loves a good cream pie. No.

No, he wrote Josh loves you. And it's true. Sweet. And your cursive is, it passes. Oh, you could read that. Oh, of course. Let me see. Yeah, it's fine.

So you can write in legible. Can you sharpen a knife? See, everything that I've, highlighted here are things that I believe you can do. Sharpen a knife, okay? Another one there for a restaurant. You know how to do that? Oh, yeah, definitely.

I hate those electric knife sharpeners. They're so loud. I've never used an electric because I'm afraid of electricity. Change a tire. Yes, I know to change a tire. Have you had that panic moment on the side of the road? On a buddy's car, not my own. Yeah.

Yeah. I've changed a couple of tires. I don't enjoy the process. No. It wears me out. Even as a young person, it wore me out. But I've changed a couple of tires. This is an easy one for you.

Because I've always said you are a terrific driver. Parallel Park. Yes. Of course you can parallel park. I grew up in a neighborhood where you absolutely had to parallel park. I just did it over the weekend and it was just like, it was like butter. Baby, it was smooth. That's awesome.

Yeah, it was like, okay. You feel a sense of accomplishment. Especially if you look at the spot and think, well, there's no way I'm getting in there. Here's another task I believe you can do because you live in a garbage, broken house that you and your wife should have sold years ago. Can you patch up some dry walls? I can. Luckily, I have a lot of practice from a moron kid and his buddies. Can you start a fire?

Okay, now we might be running into some trouble. I've only done it once or twice. I mean, are you allowed to use all the kindling that's around newspaper, all that kind of stuff? In my book, absolutely. As long as you get that some bitch going, I don't care what you use. Because some people are good at using basically nothing to start a fire. I need a lot of stuff to get going. We had a fireplace growing up, and I would kind of made fun of having fiery, floating newspaper parts around the living room.

Right. Because I use so much. I'm not going to be judgmental about that, so I'm going to count it. So you've already hit nine. You've already hit average. Nice. The last little task, I guess, that I highlighted, because I know that you can do this. This is almost tailor-made for you because the last one I highlighted is play guitar.

Yes, not very well, but sure, that was something I... You wanted to do. Stop playing around. I've seen you play guitar. You can do it very well. If you, if, I mean, you're not just sitting there doing smoke on the damn water. You can play guitar quite well. So you are, Josh, above average.

And you may even be higher. See, here are the tasks that I did not highlight because I'm not 100% sure that you know how to do them. Or care to do them. Like, for instance, so far you've gotten 10 out of 20. There are 10 more items on the list. This one, you tell us. I mean, I know the answer, but you tell us anyway. Can you bait a hook and cast a fishing line?

Now, I can. Casting, I really enjoy. Bating a hook, I can do, but why would I do that when my wife is there and she'll do it for me? I don't have to get my hands on anything, nothing like that. So should I count that one or not? Not. Let's not count it. We're not going to count it. Can you tie an advanced knot?

No. What's in advance to not? I don't even tie my shoes anymore. I get slip on shoes with like these laces that do nothing. Before when you did, did you do the bunny ears? Yeah, I like the bunny ears too. And people make fun of me for that. No, that's a skill I've always wanted to learn, but I've been too lazy to try.

A buddy of mine always says, if you don't know how to tie a knot, just tie a lot of them. That's what I do. Yeah, that's what I do. Okay, so we've found one that you do not have the ability to accomplish. Tie in advance knot. As a boater, I have tried and tried and tried and tried to be one of those. Weepidi boop, boop. I tied the perfect knot at the dock type of a guy.

You know, you got the cleats on your boat and you got the thing on the dock. I've tried. I'm just really challenged. with that. Isn't it impressive folks that can just tie? Oh, here's this knot. Here's this, a million different knot. I mean, I can put on a tie, but I only know how to do it one way.

It is impressive. Oh, and I know, we were taught this in school. I mean, I was never a Boy Scout. What's in school? That's cool. Yeah. I was never a Boy Scout or a Cub Scout, but we had classes in school. One of them was outdoor education where Knots and Boy Scout Cubs Scout things came into play.

But that was one of those classes where I barely used. showed up. So anyway, where I'm going with this is, is damn, I've tried to be a precise knot tire as a boater. And I've gotten lucky a few times. I've nailed it a few times, but more often than not, I just tie multiple knots to make sure that boat's not going to go anywhere. This is going to sound dirty, and I do not mean it to be whatsoever. But one of my aunts, she can tie a cherry stem with her tongue that she just puts it in her mouth and it comes out tied in a knot. I can double knot it. What, you can?

Yeah. That's really impressive. When I was younger, I thought it was cool, so I practiced a lot. It is pretty cool to see it. When we were little kids and she would do that, we were an awes. She probably got so tired of us because we'd be like, do it again. All right, do it again. And you didn't have any idea that you should be turned on by that.

No, it took me a while. That is impressive. That's like a magic trick in my book to be able to tie a knot with a cherry stem. Okay, I don't believe you're capable of this, Josh. I don't believe that you can hit a bullseye in darts because I've seen Oh, no, not at all. Okay. I'm happy if I hit the board.

I know that you are not able to accomplish this. I mean, you can do it, but you tell us again. Again, this list is the average person can do nine of these 20 things. Okay. So far, Josh, has already claimed 10. so you're already above average. Now we're checking with the things that I'm not so sure you can do. Okay, next on the list is comfortably speak in front of an audience.

No, not at all. Even this job, I get so nervous, and we've been doing it for a long time. Every morning, he's nervous, he's terrified, we've been doing for 30 years. I mean, I've seen you speak in front of live audiences, but you do not enjoy it. As a matter of fact, you have more or less told me you never want to do it again. No, not at all. That's next job. The only time, you guys are great at it.

Honestly, both, both. Oh, thank you. Dana and Ashley. I absolutely hate it. I used to like it, but now I'm awkward and I don't know what to say, and then I ramble. I don't know. I mean, like, Dana, I've seen you do it plenty of times. That mean you're perfect at it.

No, thank you. I think you guys are, yeah, you guys do just fine. One time I did a stage announcement and I got so nervous because I only thought I was doing one, then I had to do two. I didn't know what to say. and at the end I just like dropped the mic. And you ran away? Oh, they don't like when you dropped the mic.

Yeah, and then I went up, it went back and like got the mic and was like, my bad. You literally dropped the microphone on the floor and ran away? Yeah, well, it was like the end of me talking and I was like, yeah, woo-hoo. And just like dropped the mic and I was like, oh, wait, whoops, I need to go get that. To be cool? Essentially, yeah, but also awkwardness. It's been interesting because over the years,

you and I have done so many concert announcements in different events, like that where we speak in front of a live crowd and you would go along with it. I could tell you didn't love it. But a few years ago, you just pulled me aside and said, look, I'm not doing that anymore. I hate it. You know it the only time you just won't do it. This is weird. So what has happened? Why, you would think that that would get easier, but instead it's gotten harder for you. Yeah, I don't know. I wish I could explain like to the point where. Or did you just say to yourself, look, I've done it enough. I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe just I hate that feeling so much.

I mean, I get nervous for times that I might have to do it. Yeah, I, like something will come up and go, oh, God, please don't make me get up there. Okay, so let's go through the rest of this list of things that I'm not so sure you can do. Again, you've already finished above average. So what does it hurt? I don't think you can bowl a strike. Now, I have bowed a strike, but never, I can never say, yeah, I nailed it with this technique. All I do is I throw the ball.

I throw it as hard as I possibly can, as straight as I can. You know, it doesn't always work. Let's count that one. You can bowl a strike. But yeah, but I can't say, like, I've got a way to do it. If I do it, I'm lucky. Okay. I'll show you how I bowl.

Because I bowl kind of like I throw poorly. Oh, God. Oh, no. So I bowl like, sorry, this is the radio, but I know Nick is talented enough to describe it. All right. Josh is up in the, he's mimicking a bowling ball in the poem of his right hand. He's sizing up the lane and the pin structure. I'm shaking off the calls from what would be a catcher.

Your catcher is looking for a fastball. You said yes. Okay. That's aggressive. That is, you described it perfectly when you said you bowl like you throw a ball. And you were absolutely correct because do you know what was missing? Now, Josh just mimicked how he bowls, how he delivers a bowling ball. Do you know what's missing?

What's that? Talent. Absolute. Absolutely. zero follow-through. Yeah, yeah. That's why you can't throw a football or a baseball because you don't understand the concept of the follow-through.

From watching your bowling motion, same thing. You don't follow through. You stop. You come to a complete halt once the ball has... I don't know how to change it. Once the ball has exited your hand, there's no follow-through. You're going to get yourself hurt bowling like that. Oh, dude, after I can't even bowl.

Like, after the first game, I have to be done. I'm in so much pain. My bowling is such more leisurely. Just, well, whatever. Here is something else I don't know for sure that you can do. Perfectly cook and egg. Are you much of a cook? I don't know that.

My wife is very good at that. All right. Yeah, every time I cook. Eggs are easy. Yeah, kind of. But for whatever reason, hers are so much better than I don't know what she does differently. I don't, I don't care. I just, I don't even try.

I cook eggs so often. Well, we, my wife makes. them and so we have them a couple times a week and I've tried on my own. You know, and to the point where I, I remember as a kid telling my mom like, oh, but you make the best mac and cheese. Sure, I could make it be yours, but that was pure laziness. Right. With my wife, it's true.

I can't do what she does. I don't get it. I can't perfectly cook an egg. I just kind of smash them down until they turn dark. Everything tastes better when somebody else makes it, too. They do. Josh, earlier in this conversation, one of the, one of the tasks that you should be able to do if your average was to where is it where is it change a tire

change a tire yeah and you said yes what about patch a tire i've never done that right i didn't even know you're supposed to do that anymore i mean on a bike sure but in a car i've never patched a tire on anything i mean i've done they make little things for that sure they do but i've never i've never done it so i would eliminate myself um i would be worried i'd screw that up and I kill somebody on the freeway or something. Right. All I've ever done is that fix a flat. You pump it in there, right? Yeah, that's what I was thinking of. I've done that on my moped and

whatnot. Just to get home and put on a new tire. So no, I have never tried to patch a, stitch a rip in some clothing. Not at all. Okay. I could do that for you guys. I didn't think that you'd be able to do that. Never tried it and I can't imagine being good at it.

Okay, bake bread. Haven't done that either. It seems complicated. A little baker, Josh. A little hat on. He's got flour all over his face. Have you guys ever done it? Is it tough? Of course not.

I have. It's not that hard. No. It's just time-consuming. Sounds like the dumbest thing in the whole world. It's really easy. You just preheat the oven. You take the frozen garlic bread out.

You put it in the oven. Boom, you got bread. Oh, shoot. I've done that. And I can also make cinnamon rolls then. There you go. You're a baker. If you ever walk into my home and I'm baking bread,

beat me unconscious immediately. I do like the smell of that. The final, final, as we wrap this. up. These were 20 things. And if you could do nine of them, you would be considered average. Josh finished somewhere 10, 11, 12. You are above average, just as I suspected. There's one more here that I wasn't so sure about. It's home repair oriented. And again, you live in a broken house. It's been broken from the day that you bought it. And I know you have certain talents, but I wasn't sure about this one.

Fix a plumbing leak. Well, okay. I'll raise my hand right now and say, absolutely not. I mean, other than turning off the water, I have no idea how to fix a plumbing leak. You don't know how to just like, I don't know, go down there under your sink and just like replace one of those little pipes? Absolutely not.

I mean, maybe. I don't know what you mean exactly. I think, Josh, you know what I'm talking about. You're talking about the plastic one? Yeah, those are... Oh, oh, that's not a plumbing weekend. Not that kind of vibe, no, no. I'm talking about you've got a broken pipe.

You've got to bust it. Sure, the plastic stuff that screws together. Type. Christ, if you're a sixth grader, you can... I'm talking about a real-deal broken pipe or something. So, yeah, I would think no, but maybe a plumber can tell me if this counts, but, like, I've used, you know, certainly you tighten something, and I've used plumbers tape. But I feel like you're talking about, like, a hole...

Yeah. Yeah, I... I'm talking about a legit leak, you know, so... No. Well, you know what? It doesn't matter because Cubby is above average. You already made it. Above average.

We knew it, Josh. We already knew that. I'd imagine you guys. I'd imagine you guys finished above average too, right? Like barely, but. Oh, really? Yeah. Or maybe I kind of lost count.

I was keeping track of you and then I was keeping track of me. I think you and I kind of just, I mean, that's why I was only asking Josh, because if we all traded it in. It would just be a confusing. mess. I think you and I were pretty much parallels with each other if I, you know, if I considered myself, I think we have similar talents and similar lacks of talent. What happened? Dana yawned really loud. That one came out of nowhere. Dana's asleep. Tanker, Yanker Jesus said they patched tires all the time on semis.

Oh, really? I didn't know that. Scary. Don't tell me that, actually. Maybe I'll scammed by the tire folks. They wanted me to buy new tires. You're always falling for big tire. I know. Just get the semi a new tire. I really don't like that. Yeah, actually that does kind of freak me out a little bit.

This 10 ton truck, I'll just patch the tire. It'll be fine. Above average. Backyard haircut, Jesus said, plumbing is just water Legos. You got this, bud. Water Legos. I should be great at it then. All right, then. Damn.

Parks and Park and Rec Jesus says, come on, fire up the torch and sweat some pipes. Yeah, there's no way I could do that. Absolutely no way. That's what I call Keith. 9.3.6. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters?

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That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. You like party? This is full send. Join the party. So you guys launch the Nelglove Island. Grads boys.

Who's that? Production, dude. Like five years ago, we could do that easily and to be crazy when we're partying, but when you're like in your 30s a little bit. Well, that's why you barely show up to set, day two? Just a few hours, tardy. Stani wanted to be the host to be the host. It's like, why didn't you let me be the host?

It's like, bro, you showed up six hours later every day. I had a girlfriend. The Full Send podcast, follow and listen on your favorite platform. Half-Azed Morning Show. 93X. Welcome back to the 93X Half-Ass Morning Show. and ready to roll. Dr. Pete Jesus as our guest. Nice to see you again, Dr. P. You too. Anything going on? Oh, don't. Bring me questions.

Oh, the questions are coming in. Good. The man needs. But first off, no, I just want to know. What's new with you? Anything you want to tell us? You know, I was sitting there out there thinking about the last couple weeks, and do you guys remember last weekend and the smoke from Canada? How bad that was? Yes. How did that affect all of you? I did not notice a thing because I'm usually indoors. I was struggling. I mowed the lawn and I didn't notice too much. I was outdoors a lot last weekend, Dr. P.

And it doesn't bother me, not even a little bit. So where were you going with that? Normally it doesn't bother me either. But last weekend, I was struggling on Saturday, I think. It was warm. That was the worst of the two, right? My eyes were burning. I really was having trouble breathing.

Maybe because I grew up with cigarette smokers. It doesn't do a damn thing to me. It could be, yeah. But so it's just, it's amazing. It's so weird when you open. open the door and you're like, oh, who's having a campfire in my lawn? Well, I know some of the neighborhood kids were out playing and they mentioned that they had sore throats and their eyes were kind of itchy.

Yeah, I've never had that where my eyes were burning. I was just reading about it a little bit and there's like 300 fires active in Canada and most of them they just let burn. Get it together, Canada. I know, but there's some, apparently you can have a thing called zombie fires. Have you heard of that? No, I'm interested. Supposedly, you know, the heat of these fires can get so intense that areas will be hot and then it'll snow on them.

And it basically insulates a little smoldering debris over the winter, which then catches fire again in the spring. That is nuts. They said there was, there's fires from 2003 that are still burning. That keep re-igniting. Yeah. That sounds insane. I've never heard of such a thing. What I hear all the time is, you know, if you're a compromised individual, don't step out into this stuff. What are some of the things?

Who are some of the folks that should look out? Yeah, I mean, mostly people with asthma. Oh, I'll give you asthma. So, yeah, basically people, asthma, COPD, or emphysema. Yeah, that's the main thing. And so those people, you know, I mean, it probably is good. They put those, I was a little confused when they had those signs about, you know, Air quality bad, shorten your trips.

I didn't know whether they meant adding more pollution, but I think it's just you shouldn't be outside if you've got any of those things. I saw people working outdoors with like sweatshirts basically around their mouths. Yeah. No, it's apparently it's some really, it's amazingly fine particles that are in that smoke that are quite, quite troublesome. Well, you know, a particle you'd be fine. F-I-N-E- Fine.

I got yelled at for being outside. that weekend. Who yelled at you? Family member. They're like, you should not, because it's already hard for me to breathe in general. So, yeah. Yeah, I, it adds to it. I love the wildfires because back to Josh's point, gives me an excuse not to go outside. You don't need an excuse. Yeah, I know, but sometimes it's helpful just to have one.

Oh, yeah, I'd love to go to the lake. But, you know, wildfires. Left-handed specialist, Jesus, got new lungs nine months ago. Took the dog out one morning. The air was so bad. He could feel it right away. Yeah. Got new lungs? lung transplant?

Is that what he's saying? He doesn't... Sal those somewhere? He needs to be cautious. He kind of dropped that like, yeah, I got a new pair of shoes the other day. Yeah, so there are certainly, you know, and I think older folks,

and it's a little scary when you think about it. Yeah, the older folks. Well, Dana mentioned a lake. Yeah. Dozer daddy, Jesus said his son went swimming two days ago, said it's like the water never came out of his ear. He said it still sounds muffled

and he can't hear normal. Should I bring them in or is there some remedy I could try and fix it? I hate that. Did he say how old he was? Ah, no. I would say, you know, most, most commonly with, if you are in the lake, you get water in your ear, it basically gets trapped behind wax. I mean, that's typically what happens, I would say. And it's hard for it to come out because it's sort of sitting between the wax and your eardrum.

I mean, they sell drops that help dissolve wax, and there's also drops that help kind of disperse water. And you could try those. I've had bad luck with those. Like, they've made it worse for me. I mean, if there's a ton of wax in there, you're basically just putting, you're putting more fluid in there, which may not be helpful. So I'd say it's how distressing it is for the kid. if they're in pain or, you know, if they really can't hear, you probably want to get in. But you could try wax drops.

You know, you really don't want to, as your grandmother said, you don't want to put anything in your ear smaller than your elbow. I don't know if my... I never heard the elbow part of that. Yeah, what? Maybe I'm a pretty big year. No, no, I think that is it. 17. I'm sorry, 17 years old.

Oh, 17. Okay, then you could definitely play around with that a little bit. But, you know, people go for Q-tips, but ultimately what that usually does in this situation is jam the wax in there further and probably not help at all. I like Bobby Pins, Penn Cats. Josh, can you tell us your earwax machine story because I find it fascinating? Machine or the, the earwax sucking machine. Didn't you see one of those in action? Like your, my godson had a...

Oh, no, it was a, wasn't a machine. It was just a spray bottle with warm water. So they put some of those drops in and they had them just. kind of sit for a little bit. And it was really annoying because I had to talk to him. Oh, my God. It was worse for me. That was the side effect.

And so then they sit them up and they just sprayed this water bottle into his ear and held like a container underneath. And it was disgusting. Oh, it just naturally poured out? Yeah. Oh, God. I mean, the classic thing we would do is take a huge syringe. I mean, there's no needle, but you're just like a 30-cc syringe or 60-cccccc and just

flush. But there's a company that makes a spray bottle. bottle that does have a particular tip that kind of disperses it and it's another way to do it. So, I mean, it was like warm water. But you had to watch ear wax ooze out of your son's ear. There was so much. And how much about did he fill up a two-gallon bucket? Five, five-gallon bucket?

Dude, five-gallon bucket. Is it kind of like a netty pot, Dr. P? Well, you don't pour it, but I mean, you know, it's flushing like that. You know, a netty pot probably could work, but I don't know that I would stick it in my nose after a I tried the stick the thing in your ear and lighted on fire gimmick. Yeah. A candle? Yeah.

Well, it wasn't, well, I don't know. It was, it was a... That's where they call them, your wax can. Okay, it was a cylinder shaped. Like a, yeah, like a big joint. Yeah, like a big joint. Yeah, I think that... And that worked a little bit.

It did? Yeah. My understanding is that's a complete BS, but... Yeah, that's what I've heard too, but... It gathered up just a little bit of wax. I thought, of course, it would be anyway. But, no, people... it's actually

it can really change your life when you see how much wax comes out of an ear. You know, it's sort of like the mysteries of the universe. Like, wow. Yeah. That's amazing.

That was amazing. Yeah, my brother got it done and it. My mom was there for it and she said it was like a ball bigger than a quarter. Like a shot put. It was just huge.

It sounds gross, but I think it would also be interesting to see. I bet it would feel so good. Probably. I guarantee there's videos online. So go check that. Oh, there must be right.

Oh, no, I'm good. Our guest, is Dr. P. Jesus taking questions from our listing audience. 651-9893-93. By the way, back to real quick, Dr. P. brought up the fires in Canada, causing all the smoke and old people are dropping all over town. Baudet Fishing Guy Jesus, if you know where Baudet is,

way the hell up there on the border. Baudet fishing guy, Jesus says, they've had ash falling from the sky up there. Oh, that's terrifying. From the fire. Anyway, here's a listener who bent over to pick up some toys for his puppies and the dogs jumped on him

and kind of threw them all kitty wampas. He was extending his arm to pick up some toys for his poppies. He over-extended his arm. He heard a pop. And now his bicep bulges Oh, up high.

In a funny spot. Yeah. And it's very painful. It's been over a week. What type of specialist would I see for this? Yeah, he tore his biceps tendon tore his bicep. Man, that's a lame way to do it.

Yeah, you've got to come up with a story. I bet I'd do it stupid. He needs to say he was rescuing a 150-pound dog. Or arm wrestling Brock Lesnar or something. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, that's the classic. It's usually a snap kind of thing. But, I mean, basically, you tear the tendon that goes into the lower arm

and the biceps just goes, whoop. It rolls up like a damn, uh, uh, uh, draught. Yeah, it's not attached to anything. So it's already been a week. I mean, you want to get in to see an orthopedic surgeon as soon as you can because ideally you want that reattached if possible. God, it depends how old you are, depends how long it's been, a number of things. And those puppies didn't give two pumps that you would just pop your bus.

No chance. I have heard of, I mean, it is weird that you would think, how could that possibly happen from just something mild? but oftentimes people who are even pretty fit, it's probably sort of like tearing Achilles tendon, like where you probably have some degree of chronic problems with the tendon, and so people have biceps tendonitis or tendinosis, whatever you want to call it, and it just sort of lets go.

But yep, that's what happened. Hey, is mine look in place when I do this, when I flex it like this? That looks pretty good, doesn't it, John? Oh, that's really good. Wow. It's right where it's supposed to be. That thing rules. That's impressive.

Thank you. Nick was saying earlier he got stung by a bee. This is a text from rambling Jesus. He actually sent in a photo of his wife, Hubba, Hubba. She got stung on the eyelid by a bee on Saturday, a ground bee, he called it. No longer painful, no vision loss when she opens her eye or anything. Oh. But it started, you're looking at it?

Oh, girl. But it started oozing over the night. Anything she could do at home or she go in. Here, Dr. Pay. Oh, boy. Yeah, that looks painful. Really nice eyebrows. First, we all agree hubba, hubba, right?

Yes, you're right, Ashley, they are on point. Perfect. Yeah. This was two days ago. Is that what they said? Saturday. Saturday, yes. Oh, I want to put like an ice pack on it for her.

Is it red? That's what I'm trying to see. Yes, it looks. It looks a little red. It kind of looks like she got punched. Yeah. I mean, if it's oozing something, then there may be an infection. Because, you know, I would normally expect it to do that pretty quickly.

Oh, my God. Do that quickly. And then, just, you know, do that quickly. start subsiding. I mean, you know, using some ice on it, certainly is a good idea, but is it her fault? Did she do something wrong? Probably. I mean, some sort of sinful behavior. She looks like she got punched in the eye socket. She does, yeah. I saw the picture first, and that's what I was afraid of like, oh, no, somebody got

punched, but he's got stunned. I mean, it happens, but hopefully that's not true. Hopefully it's to be, but she's been icing it a lot, he said. He just got back to us, rambling, Jesus. Yeah, I would get into see somebody because that does, I mean, basically we're What we're seeing in this image is her whole eyelid and sort of eye socket area looks very red and swollen. And so the concern is, is the concern is, is it only the lid at this point? Or is it turning into like a periorbital cellulitis, which essentially... Just going to say that. Exactly.

Can turn into an orbital cellulitis, which I'm sure you were going to say as well. And then that's bad. Cellulitis is not good. No. I mean, it's an infection involving the tissues under the surface of the, the skin and but yeah if it's oozing something i mean that could just be fluid because maybe at the puncture site but yeah you don't want to fill around i think that go in you're saying go in there and yeah go to urgent care pull the eyelid open and have the i think that bee had an

STD or something yeah yeah i mean i guess depending on what i mean there could be a stinger or something still um herpes herpes herpes stinger i know we've brown herpes is very very virulent yes i got stung yesterday right under my delicious left armpit by a bee and it hurt like how I know we've talked hernias up and down in your past visits Dr. P

but this one sounded a little different to me so I thought I'd throw it your way a listener says I recently found out that I have a herniated belly button Oh is it a woman Was she ever pregnant? I heard that's common I don't think I don't know what flavor

We're dealing with here Ashley What causes it and what do I do about a herniated belly button? I mean, it's an umbilical hernia. So it's, I guess I've never heard it called a herniated belly button. But, I mean, it's basically a hernia right where your umbilicus was. I mean, uh, it's not too uncommon. My wife has one. Yeah, I'd say most of the time you don't really need to do anything about it.

Your wife has a what? Herniated belly, right above her belly button? So her belly button sticks out? No, it's right above it. Like a little, like it looks like it looks like it. a little pee. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's usually, it's not, it's usually not right the belly, but it's next to it. And she urinates out of it? Oh, man. Wait, now that I think about it. Maybe there's something else going on. My wife is a man.

Oh, wow. Well, that does, that sort of opens up the world. Yeah, so normally, if they're small, you don't, I mean, basically with any hernia, you tip, I'm trying to think. It's a gentleman, if that makes a difference. He just got back. Okay. It should do. He's got a herniated belly button. Probably doesn't matter, but most hernias, you really can observe because if they are annoying you, you can get them fixed.

But otherwise, they're pretty benign. If you ever have terrible pain and you're throwing up or something like that, then we worry about an incarcerated hernia, which is not prison, but it is stuck. But basically the stuff from inside kind of goes out the hole and gets stuck. and then the blood supply is cut off, so that's bad. But this guy's going to look silly if he puts on a tank top. He does say it's weird looking. So sometimes they can get so large that, you know, especially with the umbilical hernia,

you know, you do anything. You go from laying down to sitting. You stand up out of a chair. You cough. The thing is, you know, really protuberant. So it can be fixed with typically mesh the same way that inguinal hernias and other hernias are fixed. What if he, like, shuts it in the car door? Oh.

Just push it back in. Would that hurt? That would hurt. Okay. That would hurt. Yeah, don't do that. Oh, God. All right.

We got to take a break, but we welcome more questions at 651. 99-93-93 for our guest, Dr. P. Jesus. He's got all kinds of answers for you if he got something wrong with your sexy body. Josh found out that his wife is a man just minutes ago. She's a very nice guy. You know what? I know. That's why I married.

Yeah. Yeah. Unbelievable. Well, polish up your dog, Schlong, because you're about to score. If your job is scoring, you'll never work a day in your life. The 93x Half-Ast Morning Show. Yeah, Dr. P. Jesus is with us. Earlier in the segment, someone said something about asthma, and I said, I'll give you asthma, which is a line from Caddyshack.

Now, we've got a great question here. got a great question that says in the movie Caddyshack, Judge Smales's grandson Spalding. Okay. Okay? He turns down an invitation to go golfing with his grandfather because of his asthma. He says, I'm not playing golf today, Grandpa. I'm playing tennis.

The question is, wouldn't tennis be worse for his asthma than golf? Absolutely. Okay, we have to throw that scene. We have to delete that scene from the movie. Or did he just not want to play golf? Yeah, that's probably it, right? I'll have to go watch that. Our listener said, it makes no sense.

Our listener says, I've always had a problem with that scene from the movie. Maybe Dr. P can chime in. I mean, I think it is the kid basically coming up with a terrible excuse not to go play golf. Okay, so that could be the joke. Because obviously playing tennis would be way worse for his asthma than play. Totally. Okay. All right.

Diggin' in Dirt, Jesus said she's heard about mammogram machines that don't, quote, squish your tattas. Oh. How readily available are they? where would I go to find facilities that have them? And are there any reliability differences between the traditional one and this less ouchy one? Yeah, I guess I'm not familiar with any type of mammogram that would be considered standard and valid that doesn't essentially press the breast between two plates. I informed a man this weekend about like, I showed him a picture of what they do. to your boob.

Yeah. And he was just at a loss for words. Yeah. My wife goes to a truck for that. Is that legit? Yeah, yeah. It is. Yeah, right.

Like just a truck in a parking lot? You can get a taco as you get your mammogram. No, that's actually, yeah, I know, I know Parknickle it has one, like Mammagogo. That's what it is. Oh, yeah. We talked about that stuff. That's the one, I believe. But yeah, it's, I mean, so the thing is that mammograms are, you know, they've been

done, they've been around for a long time. And the process of pressing the breast like that creates hopefully what's sort of a standard image mammogram. And that's what the radiologist is reading. So if there's some other imaging that doesn't do that, you can't really compare it to other mammograms. And so, I mean, mammograms are really difficult to read. What about a breast CT? Breast CT is not done that much. Breast MRI is done sometimes for, I mean, if there's a suspicious area and it's part of a cancer workup,

some women who have very, very dense breasts, which makes mammograms really hard to read, I mean, x-rays are just, you know, grays. And x-rays are great at seeing bone, but soft tissue is very difficult to evaluate. So, again, it's sort of a, it's an art and a science. But yeah, the standardized compression of the breast as much as possible allows them to read it accurately and decide whether it looks fine, whether there's any areas that are even remotely suspicious that they would suggest an ultrasound or suggest a follow-up in a short period of time. I mean, it's one of those things probably invented by a guy. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, I don't.

They squeeze that some bitch down to, they, they take. Turn it to dust. Oh, it looks so bad. I'm so afraid for my firstborn. I mean, if it makes women feel better, like if a guy has a lump or something and there's any concern, he has to have the same thing done. It's a manogram. You're talking about for a guy's nuts?

No, no, for, like for breast cancer. Oh, male breast cancer. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, that's got to be harder because for most men, there's not much to work with there. Jam it in there and squish it. It's like a little bit of skin. God, help us.

And it's usually women running machines, so I'm sure they do that. Oh, yeah. That's revenge right there. What gets you there as a guy? Like, how would they... Obviously, with women, it's a part of maybe, you know, a normal thing with guys. What do they...

I mean, if it's a palpable lump, basically. Oh, so long do you look for a lump, yeah, I mean, if it... Well, that would be the most common thing. If there's redness or, you know, what maybe seemed like an infection, nipple drainage. Oh!

A bloody, bloody dippled disfage. Oh. Let's go somewhere else. Yeah. Let's get away. But yeah, so yeah, usually lump. This is a scary question, Dr. P for you right here. I'm 23 years old.

I feel a hard bump on my humorous. Is that a leg bone? No, it's the arm. Arm bone. Is that your funny bone? It's the upper arm. Oh, no. Upper arm.

That's right. Connect to the radius. Radius is part of the old. I started seeing you that in my head. I'm 23 years old. I have a hard bump on my humorous about the size of a water bottle. cap. It doesn't hurt. I can't move it. Could this be bone cancer? Hmm. I mean... I hope the answer is no.

I mean, a size of a bottle cap? Bottle cap. Yeah. I mean, that's unusual. It could be. I'm trying to think of benign things that would show up suddenly from that. Yeah. What the hell would that case? I mean, there are some, there are bone cysts. I mean, there are a variety of things that can grow in bone that aren't cancer, but there's also bone cancer. So, yeah, that's absolutely, you don't want to delay getting that looked at. It would be initially an x-ray in an exam and then almost certainly, you know,

some more advanced imaging with CT or MRI to, I mean, if there was ever an injury there. Sure. Yeah, if you can't, especially if you can't move. it honestly because if it's mobile that tends to be something more benign I mean although if it's fixed to the bone it's probably not going to be mobile but yeah don't don't ignore that don't sleep on that deal to go back to breasts we're getting a lot of texts like this one from sped parishes said tell women always get their mammograms she found cancer early 10 years cancer free later this year great to

hear they also did an ultrasound and MRI assisted biopsy A lot of women are texting in saying pretty much the same thing. Make sure you do it. Yeah, it's, you know, obviously, I mean, it is, it's not a comfortable procedure. I can see how women, especially if they've had it once, would be like, I don't want to go do that again. But it is, you know, it's about the most effective screening program that we have, I would say, in terms of catching stuff early and hopefully saving lives. Yeah, it sucks to go through it, but.

In the end, it's likely going to be worth it. Yeah. Likely going to be worth it. Well, I'll be damn. We've run out of time. Please get your mammograms. One more here real quick, if you don't mind. I've been taking Adderall for a while for ADHD.

Lately I've noticed it either does absolutely nothing, or I feel like I've smoked crack rocks. Mm-hmm. Mm. Is the medication inconsistent? Hmm. Well, I mean, that's hard to say. say.

Crack rocks. Geez. Yeah. I mean, when you have attention to... Are you thinking back to that sensation with the first moment? Yeah. Oh, that didn't feel good, did it? Yeah.

No. I mean, with ADD and taking a stimulant, like Adderall, which is an alternate alternative to Ritalin and other things, most people with ADD don't feel energized or jazzed. You feel calmer and focused. So something's wrong. But if they also... So maybe they don't really have it. because they're either not feeling anything or they're feeling high.

But, I mean, there's, you know, there's lots of generic manufacturers. Generally, generic manufacturers are legit, especially if you get it from a regular pharmacy. If you're getting it from some weird thing online. That same truck where Josh's wife gets your mammogram. Tacos, Adderall, and a mammogram. Oh, I got an update on my wife. Just real quick, if I can interject. I was wrong on the location of the hernia.

We were afraid maybe my wife had a penis. Yeah. It turns out it's right above her balls. Oh, God. No, you're good at. Definitely a girl. Sorry. Oh, God.

Okay, what we're just talking about? It doesn't matter. We're out of time. Okay, but... The guy with the crack rocks at her roll. Oh, yeah, yeah. So something's not right. Yeah.

I mean, talk to the person who's prescribing it and... Talk to your seller. Talk to your dealer, right? Your dealer. Yeah, something's not right. The dose, the medication, or the diagnosis. You're done good. You're done good, Dr. P.

Thanks again, and we'll see your carcass in here in a couple of weeks. Sounds good. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters? We're getting into that soupy part of the summer when your air conditioning is going to be holding on for dear life.

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You know, what's going on, man? It's Andreberto. Two-time world champion. You know, I loved it. I really wanted to do that sit down from a fighter's perspective. My G. What's going on? Caleb Klutz.

What's going on? What? You got a chance to really draw in your audience to let them see who you are. I've had to have a lot of internal talks to say, do I even want to carry on? But spiders, we know what time it is. I think the time is now. Square up. Follow and listen on your favorite platform.

Let's go. The only really way to start to get rid of them is to vacuum them up, sweep them up, put them in a large garbage can, and then just kind of throw them away. The 93x half-assed morning show. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. Let me tell you something. You got some great stories out there. These embarrassing personal injury stories are terrific. We got to talking about embarrassing personal injuries earlier

because Dana is addled this morning. He's injured. He tore a piercing over the weekend. The last one you wanted to tear to, the worst one. 651-9-9-9-9-3-93 if you have a funny embarrassing personal injury story here's a few that have been texted in this stuff is great I mean some stories are cooler than others Josh let me ask you you you torture yourself daily over whether or not you're ever going to purchase a riding lawnmower that's probably close to true yeah almost every day Certainly when the weather gets nicer.

And you specifically desire to be the pilot of a zero-turn. Yeah, I want to whip around. You want to go. So someone injuring themselves on a zero-turn mower, that's not embarrassing. That's kind of cool, right? That's really cool. I got a buddy from high school. Damn near died rolling over his long.

One of our listeners. That's unfortunate but cool. He rolled a zero-turn mower. He rolled that pig smooth over. What did he have? He had to have surgery. But, yeah, I mean, some of these are cooler than others. I think that's, this one's a cool one.

If you roll over a mower, yeah, I don't think you should be ashamed of that. It means you were probably just that awesome on that lawnmower. Yeah, I guess I'm happy I have a very flat lawn because if there was an incline, maybe I would be a little nervous on that thing. Because when I mowed lawns, we just had walk behinds. And, well, first push mowers, eventually we were doing well enough. We could afford the walk behind. And there's a couple of clients who had such steep lawns that I thought for sure I was going to tumble just with that.

That's brave. People that will operate like a zero turn or something like that on those huge slopes. A week ago, I went to my folks place and I was mowing the lawn, mowing their lawn. And there are some slopes on the property. And there were a couple of seconds where I thought I was going over. All right. It is a little freaky. Here are some of the more dopey, embarrassing ones.

This is great. We appreciate your text. Well, what the hell were you doing here? This text message, Josh, is from The Rod. Nice. Tore his hamstring turning a single into a double in beer league softball. Well, who does that? What are you?

One of these hard-ons? We never like playing beer league softball with the hard-ons. The guys that would push a single into a double? What are you trying to prove? Stop it. That's your own fault. When I was 18, the Lister said I slipped on catch and I tore my ACL. That sucks.

The cat must have taken a deuce on the floor. He didn't see it. Weep, tears the eight. I was going five miles an hour on my snowmobile. Broke a bone in my wrist. I was out of work for seven months. Five miles an hour. Oh, man.

Tor my labrum. Josh thinks that's up in the shoulder somewhere. I thought there was a couple of them, but any time I hear a labrum injury, it's always a shoulder. You hear a lot about it from baseball players. Yeah, so maybe it's only the one. One of our listeners tore his labrum, setting up a stupid tent.

I was camping. Oh. One of those pop-up ones. You throw it in the air, right? Yeah, it doesn't take much at all. He said he threw it up in the air. Now, Labron, but, ah. Jesus.

Oh, speaking of throwing, so we were at a family reunion yesterday afternoon slash grad party. And so, you know, there's a lot of 18-year-old dudes out there being 18-year-old dudes. And all look the same, by the way, same haircuts, same everything. And they have like a look now, right? They have the mustache, I think they call it the brusiness. I think they call it the broccoli haircuts died.

I'll let you see that now. But they were throwing footballs around. They looked very athletic. They couldn't throw a spiral any better than I could. So I felt a little better about myself. Look at you, Josh. Yeah. What's happened to 18-year-old guys?

I don't know. It's a lot different than it used to be. More of these embarrassing injuries from our listening audience. Some bitch was trying to make a can of sloppy Joe's in the can opened an 8-inch gas. How do you say? Gash? Opened an 8-inch gash in his thumb. Oh, I've done stuff like that before.

The can of sloppy Joe's cut them up. Listen to this one. I tore my LCL and my knee. My dog had chewed a strap off of my sandal and I didn't know it. Oh, no. That's bogus. They set that up. He puts on the sandal and, of course, he's expecting, you know, certain amounts of resistance.

But it's not there. And a... Dog chewed the strap off of this. A lot of animal injuries. I've never torn anything. like that. But I heard you can hear it. Is that true? Like if you like tear your... I've heard there's a pop, but I've never experienced it, thankfully. Through my back out, trying to tie my work boots. I pinch

my wiener in a folding table. Oh no. Dude, I did that one time. What? How? Because my thin shorts. When you're, you know, you two guys, you know, you big table. I was trying to do it by myself. Okay. Sometimes it's just, you're doing it alone. Sometimes with a partner and you fold it and it slaps between the... One of our listeners says I wrecked my back while coughing and reaching for a light switch at the same time. Apparently that is a young man's game.

Get the clapper, man. This might be my favorite, tough to choose, though. I had to have two rotator cuff surgeries and a bicep repair on my right shoulder because I threw a feed bucket at a goat. That's funny. Another listener says, all of your mothers, all of your mothers, they complain about sore ankles whenever I grab them and put them in the air. Oh, for Pete's sakes.

Throwing a feed bucket at a goat. I imagine that goat had pissed him off at some point. Yeah, I'd like to know what the goat did. Get out of here. He throws the feed bucket and pop, pop, pop, pop. Love it. Keep sending them if you haven't yet. 651, 989, 933.

That's our Luther Bloomington Kia text line. And this all started because Dana was just walking in his yard. Didn't trip over anything? Didn't stand in a hole? Nothing. Yep. That's how it goes with this right ankle of mine.

Yeah, you got the trick ankle. Sure do. All right. On to the stupid news here. Here's a guy who effing snapped. Oh, my damn, did he ever? And, you know, I've heard about some messy breakups. But by damn, this might be

the all-timer. This is a 48-year-old feller called Eric, and he comes from Pennsylvania. Let me tell you how this all shook out, because this is a keeper. Eric came home the other night,

and he was ripped out of his damn gourd. He'd been putting him away all damn night, putting away the Steve Wisers. He walked into the house, drunk off his ass. and his old lady, he's got an old lady, Josh. She was not happy with the shape that he was in. She was not pleased.

You son of a bitch, she said. Well, she had seen enough of Eric's nonsense. I'm sure this was not the first time that he had come home, bombed off his ass after drinking all day long. The wife upton told Eric that it was all over. she told them that their marriage was all done uh you know they hollered back and forth a little bit cussing and swearing up and down eric ended up saying to his wife you know what lady he said if you end this marriage i'll tear this effin house right down to the ground that's when women swoon right ashley oh yeah that gets me going every single time

Threats. And with that, Eric went outside, climbed into an excavator. For some unexplained reason, Eric has his own excavator sitting there on the property. We'll just have to go along with it. I also want an excavator. Yeah, that's like so cool, but he's so not cool. What would you do with your excavator, Josh? Excavate.

That was a dumb one. Literally everything. What would you not do with an excavator? I'd excavate every day. Eric went outside, climbed into his own personal excavator. He climbed into that pig. He turned her over, and he went ahead and started pulling the walls apart. He started pulling the house down with his wife and two daughters still inside the house.

What a nutcase. He doesn't deserve that excavator. Well, he wasn't kidding, was he? No. Yeah, that gentleman has quite the temper. The wife dialed 9-1-1. She dialed them up. says here the police showed up before luckily they showed up before he killed everybody dead

according to the story he had already bashed that friggin house to pieces he tore the lid off the joint rough gone literally he knocked the foundation like he knocked the house off of its moorings he broke it smooth off the foundation it's not often you hear the word moorings you used not related to hockey. Is that right? Yeah. Was that word out of place? Yeah.

It was? Well, no, no, no. That was correct. Usage. I just say, I only hear it when it refers to a net getting knocked off. Yeah. They knocked the net off the moorings. Right.

That excavator mixed with Eric's drunken rage, packed a wallop. It seems as if it really is over between Eric and his old lady. Yeah, that don't usually seal the deal. She said she's going to take those. kids. She's going to take the kids with her and she's gone. And Eric is up against some pretty ridiculous charges. My favorite being causing a catastrophe. I've never heard that one before. Oh yeah. I haven't heard that either. I wonder if I've ever done anything close to causing a

catastrophe. I highly doubt it. He brought it down, Cubby. He brought it all down. Question. Yes. Can I ask probably the most 51-year-old suburban dad question you could asking a story like this that's most likely going to go nowhere? I'm interested. Wow. Does insurance cover something like this if you destroy your own home? No idea. I don't think so.

Just trying to wonder like all the re I'm thinking of all the repercussions here that he obviously didn't think through. He let his anger get the best of him. Wouldn't that be something? I don't know. He's effed in so many ways. Oh, he told her. He said you either back off or I'm going to bring this pig down to the screws.

Sprinkler fitter, Jesus has texted in and he said, you know, you keep using the word house. Are you sure this wasn't a trailer? I could see why he'd asked that question. I mean, you could be right, but the story, they used the word home and house over and over. It was definitely a house. I saw the video of it. Boy, he just ripped her down to nothing. Going back to the injuries in strange ways or silly ways, people,

have injured themselves. Trunk junker Jesus said he gagged so hard cleaning up dog diarrhea that he broke a rib. You can break a rib from gagging hard? Just like dry heating? Oh, definitely. Don't even text about my mom.

Please don't. I can't handle it today. I realized it as I said it. I set myself up for a Jill. Oh, I have to... You're safe with me because I missed where your mother might have come into play there. I said, I don't even want to say it again,

but because you asked. Yes. you can break a rib from gagging too hard. Oh, no. Oh, no. Do you see what I've done? No, it, yes. Now I see.

Well, I'd like to thank the few people who have decided to ignore my request that you don't send anything about my mom. Block them. That's my fault, though. I can believe, Josh, that dry heaving, you know, I can believe that that might separate a rib. When I vomit, I think we covered this, not that. long ago. I put on a show. Yeah, me too. I'm a very violent

puker. Yes. People do not like it. Nothing dainty about it, Ashley? Nope, not at all. I go for it. They call it, they have like a nickname for it. It's called scromedding. It's like you're kind of like screaming. Yeah. I, uh, here's Nick. This is when I orgasm. Still going. I made a mess of that library. I'll tell you. Yeah, everything I do is loud. I mean, I've told you that before my wife gets on my case about yawning loud and I sneeze too loud and I cough too loud and I talk too loud. So I guess it just kind of goes along with how I'm wired and it's been decades since I've puked. But like in high school, when I would come home

after drinking too much and then yak in my trash can in my bedroom. I mean, the whole neighborhood could hear it. Yeah. One night my mother came down into the basement and said, are you going to make it? My parents and my husband both have said And I'm trying to be nice way To like basically shut up when I'm vomiting Like can you Do you need to do that kind of thing That's rude

I'm like I'm sick I don't care You can leave That's ridiculous You're in a terrible spot there Really I'm sorry am I being too loud While I'm dying over here

Like I'm getting pleasure out of this I apologize I guess for my husband In my husband's case I can't remember with my folks, but in his case, it's been when I've done it to myself. So I understand being irritated, like, you know, drinking too much. And I'm like, yeah, I get it.

This is my fault. I would never have the courage to say that to somebody in that position. Oh, it doesn't end well. It definitely does not. Especially to you. Yeah. Kidney Stone Jesus texted in, as we have been discussing, embarrassing, ridiculous personal injuries. Where is it now?

It now it disappeared. Oh, here it is. Kidney Stone Jesus. Looking at my text machine. Sorry, sometimes they just... They go away. They just go away. He says, I puke so hard once, or I think he's more or less saying every time he pukes,

he breaks blood vessels in his face. Oh, yeah. Same here. Do you really? Yep. I've heard about that. The eyeballs sometimes turn red? Yeah, you look like the Terminator.

There's some things that I've... Like I'll, you know, be talking with somebody and trying to bond over a certain topic and puking will come up or somehow. Yeah, I knew the way I set that up, like, that sounds ridiculous. But it does. And I've said, like, oh, the worst is like when you, when it feels like you have pins and needles, like all around your face. And they're like, what? That doesn't happen to me. I was like, oh.

While throwing up. I was like, maybe I'm weird. Yeah, while throwing up. And maybe a part of it is because I'm throwing up so hard that, like, yeah, that's maybe the. That's got to be it. blood vessel vibe situation going on? I'm very sympathetic towards you, Ashley, on the subject, where you say your parents and husband have asked you to keep it down.

Can you keep the noise down a little bit while you're violently sick? I mean, what kind of an insensitive? I'll tell you a quick story. A dude that Josh and I used to work with here at the radio station, God rest his soul. Fun, individual. This was back in the day. where, of course, everything was so over the top and gross on morning radio. One morning, this former coworker of ours, he was challenged to eat, I think it was a pound of bacon and five sticks of butter.

Oh, the butter would really push you over the edge. In 10 minutes or something. I don't remember the background as to why we were doing this. It was typical radio crap. But he said, yeah, I can do that. The indigestion. So he ripped down the pound of bacon. He swallowed all five sticks of butter.

And it was very funny for two minutes. But the bastard just turned kind of gray, green. The coloring in his face was off shortly afterwards. And he was breathing terribly hard. And someone on our morning show said, hey, do you have to, he said this, how did he say it? He goes, hey, do you, you don't have to breathe that hard. And the dude who just got done eating the bacon and butter said, how to hell would you know?

He said, yeah, I do. You don't have to breathe so hard. F you. Yes, I do right now. I'm suffering over here. I'm in survival mode, man. I just took in enough sodium and cholesterol for, you know, an entire town. doesn't usually ingest that much sodium in a week, let alone I just did it in 10 minutes.

Don't tell me how to breathe in this situation. His poor belly. Oh, I bet that was miserable. He didn't? Yeah, it sounds like I would get instant cramping. I've been a part of some of those and those challenges, those eating challenges, and I regret it pretty much every time. Could you do a pound of bacon, Josh?

Easily. Yeah. Well, I shouldn't say easily, but pretty close to easily. Yeah. And if you do, if you do, Josh. If you do, Josh, and you are moaning and groaning, I promise you I'm not going to say, Hey, can you keep the noise down over there? I'm trying to. I promise I'll be sympathetic.

Okay, this is always fun. I love it when a puk bag crook gets himself stuck in the chimney. Sometimes they make it out. Sometimes they don't. Police out there in the state of Washington. They grabbed a telephone call the other night. Someone on the line told them, to come on over to a vacant, boarded-up house in the neighborhood.

They said that someone must be effing around in that house because there was some smoke coming up from the chimney. When the cops rolled on up, they could hear someone inside. They knocked on the door and nobody answered. Next thing, you know, some Jagoff climbed out a second-story window in the house and then up onto the roof like a monkey. The cops hollered at the Jagoff. to bring his ass down off the roof,

but this genius had a better idea he took to snaking his carcass down the chimney while it was still smoking. Smart. Hot, hot, hot. Sure as hell, stupid ass got stuck in the chimney. And they got a call in the whole stinking fire department. The boys at the firehouse had to shut down their cribbage tournament to race over and help stupid. Great.

And it was no easy gig. Speaking of tearing the walls off of a house with that first story we had, Eric, they had to tear a friggin' wall off the side of the house just to get to this guy. He's going to be fine. He was taken to jail. But again, what a terrible pain in the ass for everyone in town. No kidding. I wish these low-life jackasses would just sit still.

But they always got to be in everybody's way. They always got to be poking around where they don't belong. The jagasses. wrote an engineer Jesus ate at one point he ate about one and a half pounds of bacon a day for 30 days straight and felt great.

That cannot be great. Pounds of bacon a day for 30 days. I wish he would have taken his cholesterol before he did it and then afterwards that would have been really interesting to see if there was any change. You guys make fun of my weight a lot so I bet you come after me for that.

That is a lot of calories. You're getting a little pudgy. You're a lot of calories. Thank you. Thank you, I think, maybe. Wait a minute now. So did he explain why he was doing this? What was that diet everybody was on?

Carnivore. Atkins diet? Or there's also the car what's that called? The carnivore diet? No, it's like a caveman or what was that diet? I couldn't tell you the name. I just know there was a trend there for a while where people were only eating bacon. I know that keto's like that too.

You can eat. It's like a lot of meat. It seems like a cool diet. I mean, it was like carnivore, but I thought there was a cute. her name for it. Here's a listener who says, Josh, he'll feed you one and a half pounds of sausage every day for 30. Whoa. Is he talking about his penis?

I think so. Yes, isn't he? Challenge accepted. It's a pound and a half. He's a 2-1-8er. Oh. Oh, no. Yeah, he says he'll feed you a pound and a half of sausage every day for 30 days. Dude, you cannot handle a 2-1-8.

All you got to do is just sit still, he says. embrace yourself hold on hold on incoming that's what a pound and a half looks like huh all right

go ahead you guys ever been with a 218er yeah absolutely yeah it was yeah 218ers are where it's at it was nuts they don't care it was a very crazy

a couple of weeks there good times yeah a 2 18er don't care do they Ashley Nope. They'll do anything to try to keep a 6-1-2er coming back. Oh, yeah, they like the 5-1-2ers. That's so true.

They do. They do. When you're a 6-1-2 or a 9-5 tour or a 7-6-3 or, and you go to the 21-8 zone, they will do anything to get you to come back. So even the 95-tours, I'm a 95-tour. Yeah. I grew up a 6-1 tour. Yeah.

Watch out. They'll get you. Yeah, so paleo. A lot of text saying the diet you're referring to is a paleo. Somebody said that. I heard one of you guys say that. Someone said the gladiator diet. I don't know what that is, but that sounds sweet and I want to be on it.

Yeah, that, I mean, maybe your bacon guy will get back to you, Josh, but he said he was eating a pound and a half of bacon every day for 30 days. 30 days, yeah. I'm just going to guess it was one of those wacky, trendy diets that came into town here years ago. Speaking of 218ers, though, making the road trip up north to get a little bit of that 218 action. Maybe you had to be there, but one of my pals was. telling us he had a 2-1-8 girlfriend happening. And we said, oh, yeah?

He said, yeah, I head up there pretty much every weekend. You having fun? Yeah, it's fun. She's pretty cool chick. Yeah, she's cool. And there was a pause, and he said this. But her kids make pretty good fun of me. What do you mean?

That makes me sad. I think he pretty, he told me that her kids were pretty used to dudes rotating in and out every few months. You know what I mean? And so, like, he was just the latest dopey boyfriend, right? They had a whole comedy routine. They just went right to the hits. As soon as he'd walk in, they're throwing garbage at him. Here's mom's latest 612 boyfriend.

What's up, stupid? Her kids make pretty good fun of me, he said. Can I take you back to last week? Remember when we were called Fricking 612ers? Yes. By a 218er? He's checked in and said 218 represent. There's some 218ers checking in.

Now, a 763 are texted in to say, I'm a 2-1 eater. Hey, it's Dana. Smart Club member of Standard Heating and Air Conditioning. When your AC isn't working, everything just feels off. That's why I trust Standard Heating. They're fast, reliable, and make it easy. So it's just one less thing to worry about.

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Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's BIA. A-A-L-K-E-L-E-L-L-K-E-L-K-E-L-L-C-E-L-S-E-L-S-S-L-SEN golf. You guys know how much I really, really love golf. Full-Send Golf, 2-V-2. Me and V-O-D versus Big John and Kyle. Oh, it feels good to be back.

On the Lengths with the boys. Join the party on the golf course. Oh! Back to golf in a big way. Now what? Practice. Let's go. Let's hit the range. I was like, let's go to the range.

We are headed to the golf, Korea. You want to golf with us? No. You don't play golf? No. Try. We got to break par. I'm very, very excited.

You excited? Yeah. We'll send golf. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. The 93X half-assed morning show. If something should happen to one or both of us, I'd regret not having said this, so I'm just going to say it. You have a nice penis. I see it a lot.

I don't say anything, but it's nice. Now, you say something nice about my penis. Welcome, everyone, to the latest issue of the 93X Half-Ast Morning Show from Pete's sake. Covey. I grabbed a stocking cap on my way out. the door. And I'm wearing socks. Yeah, that'll say it's cold out. If you're wearing socks, the weather has significantly changed. It is cold. It's kind of cold in this building, too. Grab the stocking cap on my way out the door, put on a pair of socks. I'm wearing my good drawers,

too, the ones that aren't completely transparent. Oh, nice. The ones that offer some level of resistance. Because we're getting there. At least for a day or two, she's going to be a little chilly. and today I read 40 to 50 mile per hour wind gusts and whatnot. So hang on to your ass, I guess, especially you tough guys working out of doors. Obviously, it's going to get much, much worse than this. But that first little bit of chill in the air, it always hits you like it's brand new this time of year. It always kind of takes you by surprise, hits you like it's brand new. Yeah, sometimes it takes a couple days for your,

body to remember. Okay, we've been here before. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, speaking of big barrel-ass tough guy, blue collar types, you want to start an argument right away? Says here, landscapers are the fittest, toughest, sexiest of all the tradespeople and all the others are sloppy, unattractive plugs. What do you make of that? Well, as someone who landscaped for quite a few years, I'm going to strongly disagree if we take me as an example. Actually, now I think about it, if you take anybody I work with as an example. We're exactly the sexiest crew in town. None of us were going to be body doubles and fight club, that's for sure.

They're the fittest. Yeah, if they mean fit, fit versus just like twisted steel. They're tight, they're fit. I don't know, there's a lot of jobs, I think, that would go right along with that. The landscapers being the fittest. The fittest and the toughest and the sexiest, and everyone else sucks, according to this article here. Well, that article keeps getting more mean towards other trades. It does.

I was the best shape of my life when I landscape, but it was because I was 17 and had a metabolism that it could fire through $20 of fast food and not gain a pound. So I think that probably had more to do with it than what I was doing for a living at the time. if you have any comments on this our Luther Bloomington Kia text line is 651-9893-93 what do you make of the statement that landscapers are the fittest and the toughest runs in the dark Jesus said any other trade will certainly attest that electricians are sloppy pigs now that's not what we're talking about so you weren't the fittest landscaper Josh and neither were any of the dudes you were working with well I was

certainly in the best shape of my life, but I think compared to some other folks, it wouldn't be that impressive. I don't even know that was considered a trade. You didn't think that landscaping was considered a trade? No, because I thought they were trades because you had to go to trade school for it. Do you have to do that for landscaping?

Well, I didn't. I mean, I'm sure if you're planning things out, my boss was very well trained. He, like, trained in Japan or something for... That is so neat. Specialized Japanese stuff. I mean, he was doing all kinds of crazy things. We worked on the richest of the richest.

Like out kind of by you, Nick, Lake Minnetonka area, all that. Word. I had no idea there was that much money in Minnesota until I started landscaping with those. Your boss? What a beast. Your boss went all the way. Where'd you go to school for this? UMD.

No, Japan, for Christ's saying. Yeah, he was here, then Japan. He used to drive. So he and the. like my boss on site, we're both best friends. But they would drive each other nuts. And so like my supervisor would always tell the owner, you can't be on site when we're working.

Because we'd be taking wheelbarrows full of dirt, going over a sidewalk, and my big boss would be sweeping the sidewalk as we're doing it. I mean, so he would sit there and really not be accomplishing anything when we'd say, hey, help us plant some stuff or whatever. Instead of just sweeping this thing off that's going to get dirty in a second and a half. Watching those two guys yell at each other was very entertaining.

A few people are texting in already. Tell us what you think about this article, about landscapers being the fittest and the most badass of all the tradesmen. Here's a text that says, what about construction? That's a tough job. Certainly is. Certainly is. But this article specifically is dealing with who's the most ripped.

You know what I'm talking about? They're cut, cubby. The abs and everything. Yeah. The lats. What else do I have up here? Traps. Traps.

And they're tough. Former baggage handling Jesus said his girlfriend does landscaping and she is badass and quite gorgeous, he adds. She's quite gorgeous? Quite gorgeous. It's funny, though, when you said, you know, when you were a landscaper and the fellers that you work with weren't exactly the fittest crowd. that's why I always chuckle when women fawn over firemen. Oh, fireman, this, fireman, that. I picture the fireman that I know.

Yeah. There's a couple good ones. Those guys couldn't get laid with a thousand dollar bill hanging out their zipper, the fireman that I know. Who does that calendar every year? Is it the St. Paul Fire Department? I'm sure there's more than one. But, yeah, no, those men are, they're like the gold standard.

Yeah. This person, this is Steelers fan Jesus. Welders are in the worst shape. That's because they are all raging alcoholics who hate their lives. Sincerely, welder. My brother tells a great story about when we were young. He took a job. My brother took a job at a big old, I think you call it a nursery,

not where there's babies rolling around on the floor covered in feces, but flowers and plants everywhere. Isn't that a nursery? Yeah, like gardens or something. Sure. Big old buildings filled with growing things. And my brother was on the maintenance crew or whatever, so he had to fix this thing and fix that thing.

And at times they had to weld. and one of his bros at the job site. You know, you learned a lot of these things on the fly. A lot of these different tasks, welding, or whatever the hell else might be going on. My brother comes around the corner and his work bro is welding without a mask. Oh, my God. But that's like the coolest part of welding. I agree.

Those are awesome. Slipping that mask down? Yeah. You look like Iron Man. Yeah, you do. You look like a damn. an evil superhero or something. The one thing I know about welding is you put that mask on.

Oh, my God. I'd want to go to one of those guys that airbrushes goalie masks and just have just a really cool design on that. Oh, that's a good idea. Oh, I love seeing the coolest. So my brother comes around the corner and there's his bro welding without a mask. And he says, dude, you got to turn that thing off, you know, all that. The next day he asked that dude.

So how'd you sleep last night? And the guy's like, he couldn't. I didn't. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw that glow, you know, and it about killed him. You got to know what you're doing. All right, so electrician Jesus doesn't like all the jabs at electricians. He said, I can't even see the other trades from way up here on my throne. You can't hurt me.

And on top of that, he said, landscapers are not tradesmen. To be a tradesman, you need a skill, not just a strong back. True tradesmen have super crappy backs. Yeah, well, they do mention that in here. They do. That kind of goes hand in hand. So, tradespeople were polled to get the results of this article. And so it was tradespeople themselves who fingered landscapers as the fittest of them all.

And they talked about things like the number of heavy items lifted. a day. Your daily step count. They even factored in healthy meals. I don't know what the hell. Some of this stuff is. We didn't eat healthy meals, that's for sure. That was a glory part of the job. Driving between jobs and we're just, jobs were eating just complete garbage. Although they did teach me about fud ruckers.

So not all garbage. Beautiful. Who was it in here? I'm trying to find it because they do mention back issues. and I'll get there. Others that are mentioned in here as the fittest tradespeople, plumbers, finish second behind landscapers. Who else is in here? Carpenters come in next.

The folks who got the worst review, the tradesmen who got the worst review as far as being fit, tough, badass, sexy. the worst were painters and decorators. Painters and decorators. Says you're just nothing but potheads. I think a painter, I mean, that'd be tough. I hate it. I mean, climbing up and down ladders.

Hate it. Never. Just your arms are extended above your head all the time. Oh, that would get so tired. I mean, I love painting, but I like painting my own house. Because then I have the finished product. I can't stand it. I can't stay.

product that I get to enjoy. I've mentioned it before. I did it once. I'll never do. I did it once 25 years ago. I painted the basement of my own home, and I hated it so much. I will never do it again, and I've stuck by that. I will never, I won't paint, give me the smallest household item.

I won't paint it. I won't do it. Paint this toothbrush for me. I won't do it. I was on a painting crew for one summer in college, and we, We were so awful and was so miserable. I do remember we painted one house in particular. And then the next summer I was back home in Egan.

I was driving past that house. I was like, oh, I'm coming up here. That's the house we painted. They already put a new siding. We did such a poor job. They hated it. We did such a poor job that within one year they decided, no, this is undoable. Let's go with the aluminum side.

Let's go with the aluminum. Have you guys ever used, like, those spray painters? Yes. Those are so much fun. Yes. Are those difficult to make look good if you don't know what you're doing? No. No, no, no. See, I would think, I wanted to rent one of those when we had a lot to do, but I was too nervous to screw it up.

I was even able, Josh, I was even able to operate one of those pigs. Yeah, you just have to make sure you've got a good, a good mask going on because the one time I did use one of those to spray my living room. I didn't have the best mask in the world, and I think I was high for like three days. I think I forgot three years of my life from not wearing a good enough mask while spray painting. Really huge railing. It was like the world's largest railing. And so it was completely rusty, so I'm like getting sanding off the rust, putting that stuff on there. Honestly, I thought, uh-oh, I think I'm going to kill myself here.

It got so bad. Jay said as a tradesman, my greatest skill is yawning with my mouth closed during meetings. All right, take a guess now. Which of the tradesmen, on average, which of them does the most heavy lifting per day? Carpenters? No. Rufers? No.

That be tough. Being a roofer. I like watching those guys work, man. All of this stuff is just tough, tough duty. Oh, yeah, the roofers look like they're having fun, and I'd like to try it. They go so freaking fast. Yeah. It's so efficient.

My, I'm sure I would lag far, far behind, but it does look like fun. Okay, which one, which of them do you think lifts the most heavy items today? Cubby, you didn't get a guess in. Well, I saw the, oh, you did see the, you always see everything. Well, it gets sent to us. Brick layers. Oh, yeah, duh, that makes sense. It didn't even cross my mind.

Now, this report on the sexiest, toughest, most badass, most fit of all the tradespeople. Landscaper's is the answer, according to the article. This article also talked about the injuries that these poor bastards suffer over the years. When you're not busy arguing on our text machine and making antagonistic comments on our text machine about who are the finest of all the tradespeople, 651, 989, 93, feel free to tell us about your injuries. Ooh, I bet that stuff is interesting to read. Oh, gosh, my, my dad's, he's been a carpenter my whole entire life and the stuff he's came home with. I mean, the other day, because he still

works, even though he's retired. I pointed at something on his arm, just this huge bruise. It looked bad. And he's like, oh, yeah, that was, yeah, I was doing this and this and this the other day. He always has these mysterious bruises and cuts. His back is always cooked. Does he get his ass kicked at work? Like, do the boys corner him and just beat his ass, maybe? That's what's going. Is there a fight club over there at the... Man, yeah, working with bricks and pavers and stuff like that.

That's tough work. Oh, I'd lose a finger within a half hour. Sometimes it takes just barely anything. You get your finger pinch between two pavers, and it seems like it shouldn't be a big deal, but my God, that hurts. It's a debilitating pain. I know, Nick, you and I use the same floor guy, and just watching him carry in the pallets of floor.

I'm like, well, can I give you a hand? And I, you know, insurance reasons or whatever, I couldn't. But just watching them carry these things in, just getting ready for a job. I have so much respect for tradesmen for so many reasons. But even getting ready for a job seems like a job in itself. The dude was caught in a pretty good sweat. Oh, yeah. I slept through most of it, though.

Did you really? Yeah, I just went straight to bed. He's not very good. He did too. I noticed him napping quite a bit. But just carrying in all the product, carrying in all the tools, things like that. That's too much. So heavy.

So here's where. the back injury stuff comes into play. I told you earlier that I knew there was some information in here about back injuries. I know a couple of tradespeople, Josh, and they're constantly claiming that they need to get a backiotomy. And I don't know if that's a real thing. The most common injury amongst tradespeople is the back.

52% of them have some kind of a back injury bothering them. That seems low. I feel like that should be even higher. Damn near every one of them. Yeah, my ex-husband, he was, he did acoustical ceilings for a living, and his back was already just destroyed by 25. It's like, you are not going to make it long. Did he have just powerful shoulders?

Yeah, yeah, he did. I don't know how you do that, just having your, like painters, having your arms above your head all day. No, thank you. Yeah, or the guys putting drywall up on. ceilings like he said. I mean, my goodness. Oh, S.R. Jesus has texted into the program.

He says his brother has been a carpenter for 25 years and his nickname is Fingers because, shockingly, he still has all of his. What the hell is this? It's a joke about painters. I thought it was going to be something we could use. It was a joke about how do you

get a painter to pass a drug test? Maybe I can get back to you on this. I don't get the punchline. How do you get a painter to pass a drug test? Oh, OJ. Jesus, oil workers. What about oil workers? They're in a different league. There's no job like that. Yeah, watch Landman.

Watch those guys. I'm going to see it's coming back next month? Yeah. I'm so excited. Yeah, I love that show. That's a gig that never enters my mind. Never enters my mind. Not a lot of oil fields in Minnesota.

Yeah, my friend's dad, he worked out in Alaska. And so he'd come back every once in a while. see his son, or his son would go there too. It was kind of cool. In the summers, he'd go out there with his dad, but his dad was jacked. I mean, I remember this is fifth and sixth grade. That's one of the toughest guys I've ever seen in my entire life. Like that joke, or not that joke, but the line you used as a kid, my dad could kick your dad's butt.

That guy actually had merit there. Oh, yeah, yeah. He could get away with that bumper sticker, that's for sure. Truck drivers have the worst backs, according to one of our listeners, because they carry the entire country on their friggin' shoulders. True. Iron workers. Craziest some bitches I've ever met in my life.

Iron workers? Yep. Yep. Two of my brothers are iron workers and they are insane. Absolutely. The craziest, most lawless group I've ever hung out with in my life. And this weekend I might be going to see my old iron worker buddy. And I'm a little nervous about it.

Because I haven't seen them in years. Doesn't everybody have or at least one time had a buddy who you were always a little nervous about what was going to happen. Oh, Jesus. This is the guy. Yeah, this is the guy. Haven't seen him in years, and I've heard he's only gotten more crazy. Oh, really? He hasn't settled down over the years?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Ironworkers have always been insane, too. Yeah. Because back in the day, I don't even know how long ago, they would just be up there high as hell in the sky with no type of tie-off on. just running around steel beams. Like you have to be slightly insane to do that.

Yeah, yeah. And what shocked me was, with all of that said, Ashley, the high risk of their occupation, you would think that they'd maybe get an hour or so sleep? No? Uh-uh. No, we'll just pop a few of these pills and snort a line of this. and then drink a little bit of that.

That'll be an hour. Yeah, I'll get a half hour maybe. I'll be right back up there. That's the crowd I hung out with at least I'm not trying to, what's the word? I'm not trying to stereotype. That's just my experience, and I thought, my damn, these guys are totally insane. Have you guys heard of train wrecking? No.

This person says there's a line of work called train wrecking, people who show up when a train derails and clean it up. Oh, God. Sometimes we'd work over 25 hours straight. Dude. Those guys are out there lifting train cars. Yeah, they are. That's impressed. Right over their heads. That's like Superman stuff.

Right over their frigging heads. Oh, God. I almost effed it up. Yeah, wake up and win some free monies here. Here's your shot at winning $1,000 with 5K a day. 95819 is the number to punch into your telephone. Text the national keyword money to 95819. Now to enter for a chance. to win, we'll text your sad ass back.

To confirm your existence, data and messaging rates might go ahead and apply. Only total losers text and drive. Good luck by God, the 5K a day. Keep a heads up for that. So there you go. I got a question about truckers, and maybe it depends on the job, but how often do they have to load or unload the trailer? being the son of a truck driver my old man that was pretty rare hooking and unhooking your trailers and such that was his job but the unloading part was not his job now I can't say that was every time but that's what I remember Josh about past conversations we've got by my house every day I drive by a ton of them because

because we've got an Amazon shipping facility, the post office, UPS, a whole bunch of stuff right in one area that I drive by a couple times a day. And it's impressive watching these guys kind of move around. There's times when I'm like, well, he's never going to make that. How the hell did he make that turn? You know, seeing stuff like that. Quite, quite a lot. Actually, over here on campus, for whatever reason, you tend to see a lot of truckers.

And weaving through those tight areas and everything, that's impressive. You would love my mom works at FedEx Ground, and every year they do kind of like a truck driving championship type of thing. Sure. They all compete. You would absolutely love to attend something like that. They do that here? Yeah, it's a lot of like skills. Oh, yeah, I want to watch that.

It's like an obstacle course? I don't know if I can say where, but a company let me drive a semi. It didn't have a trailer attached to it, and that was an incredible amount of fun. Oh, did you feel so powerful? Well, I was super. At first, I was like, are you sure I can do? I was pretty nervous about it, but yeah, it was awesome. How many times you just ripped that air hard?

Well, I think they probably would have kicked me out. I never even tried. Oh, I would have been too tempting. But, you know, Cubby, your question about whether or not truckers deliver their own loads and don't get cute with that. It's my, oh, it's my, by the way, it's my dad's birthday today. Oh, happy birthday to him. If he was still around, he'd be 84, I believe. back to your question about whether or not they they unload their own trailers of course my dad always worked for a company he drove for yellow he drove for transcon i'm trying to think of the other companies he drove for but an independent driver i believe that's a totally different story

yeah so a lot of people are texting on the topic thank you to the truckers listening this morning and it's it's varying but it seems like a lot of them do kind of depending on the load Oh, I lost one here. HVAC delivery, Jesus, has to load and unload everything. Furnaces, ACs, boilers, water heaters. And if the old man was still alive, he would ace that friggin competition that you were talking about, Ashley. He would ace that competition backwards, forwards, sideways. He would win it all while having a coughing fit. I got a buddy that can back a trailer into anything.

It's so impressive. Although he did hit my truck once. But that was... So not that impressive? That was my wife's fault. She parked it where it wasn't just a second ago. I'm so jealous of that skill. Yeah, me too.

I mean, just pulling just even a small landscape trailer. I have trouble with that. I have to overthink it big time. You got to be careful. 93X half-assed morning show. You got to be kidding me. Who green lit this garbage? The 93X.

Earlier on this morning, we were talking about skills, specifically Cubby's skill set. What I had for you earlier, Josh, and you were wonderful. I had a list of 20 different skills, like, say, the ability to change a tire, the ability to change out an electrical socket type of a thing. I don't remember how I said it now, but changing out on the left. Huh? Outlet. Outlet. Cooking an egg.

Tying a knot. Things like that. There were 20 different skills. If you could accomplish nine of the 20, you were considered average. Josh finished above average. Some text messages came in. Okay, one of them, Josh, one of the skills was the ability to fix a plumbing leak. Yes.

which I don't remember. What did you say about that? I'm going to say no. Yeah. I mean, I've done it, but I can't say it's any talent, really. I mean, what I did, it's probably not the correct way to do it as my trying to say. You were probably just holding things off until the plumber showed up. Yeah, until a real plumber shows up and knows what they're doing.

Right. Perry Saturn Jesus texted in on the specific topic of fixing a plumbing leak. And he said, if you have a leak in your plumbing, here are some beginning steps. Number one, shut off the water, and number two, get my pal Moppy and put her to work. If you're an old wrestling fan, you get the referenced. I would actually say step one is to panic,

which is what I've done. Our house has had so many water. We had a pool in our dining room not too long ago. You panic, you pull a few switches before you get the water. Had to have the house restucco, do windows. One time I had to panic. and shut off the water, and I flipped a few other things off first. You see what I'm saying?

Neighbors? Switched. Oh, switched. Yeah. I was just grabbing and panicking. Oh, yeah, that's the water. Burp, turned it off. What is this?

Oh, another skill was the ability to tie an advanced knot. That's a tough one. I've tried over and over and over again. There have been times in my life where I had it correct, and then the opportunity would present itself again, and I will have completely forgotten the skill. You see what I mean? That's part of my problem is I might learn a skill.

I quickly forget. I get that way. It doesn't. The older I get, the more that happens. It doesn't come back to me. Anyway, tying an advanced knot. One of our listeners no longer Mopar Jesus, he said he's tied a lot of hope knots in his day.

I've tied a lot of hope knots too. That's where you tie it up and you hope it holds. Well, we found out that you are above average. All right. On to today's report for cripe's sake. If you're going to carry a loaded pistol around town, can you do us all a favor and be responsible with the damn thing? There are some bad examples out there.

This is just my opinion. But I'm going to go ahead anyway and say that wandering around in public with your loaded effing pistol slapping around in the pocket of your big stupid oversized basketball shorts, that's not good enough. And by the way, Josh, you look terrible in basketball shorts. Oh, you've never told me that before. That's going to sit with me for a while. You're wearing them today. They're very comfy.

Here's evidence to back up my statement. And again, I said, a loaded pistol dancing around in your basketball shorts, that's not good enough. Some fool in Georgia was strolling around at his neighborhood Walmart. And he's got a loaded pistol in his big, dumb, saggy basketball shorts. It's knocking around as he walks. You know, it's probably just to look cool, right? I mean, you could get like a shoulder holster or something like that be somewhat responsible. Who knows?

You may be right. It's got to be because it looks sweet. I mean, but does it? To me, it looks like you got a turd in the pocket of your pants. I'm assuming he tucked it, you know, in the waistband. Oh, no, it says here it was in his pocket. No, I guess I didn't mean him specifically. Like, when I picture somebody doing that, I picture them trying to look cool like that.

Okay. This guy, his pistol is. is just, you know how it goes when you're wearing those loose shorts. It's just every step he takes. It's flopping around. You have to hold my phone if I'm walking around my basketball shorts, which I just found out today. I look terrible.

You don't look good when you wear. Dude's got his pistol in the same pocket as his cell phone. So he's basically carrying a loaded gun with no more concern for it than if he was carrying his effing car keys. at one point of another, stupid idiot, reaches into his pocket to fetch his telephone. He knocks his weapon out onto the floor. Again, he's at Walmart.

The damn thing fires. And the bullet blasted some poor lady in her ankles. The ankles. Do you remember a week or two ago we were talking about a guy who got himself? It was also a Walmart. He shot himself in the wiener. Same type of thing. It slipped.

Now, he had his in the wiener. waistband of his shorts, but he kind of went to stop it because it was falling, and he shot himself right in the penis. If it's going to happen, you've got to shoot yourself, not some innocent folks, or just trying to get some bargains at Walmart. If you're going to act like that, I hope it hits you in the pecker. John is the name of the dildo with the loaded gun in his basketball shorts. Friggin' Jay Brone. That's all the effort you want to make. Just put it in the pocket of your basketball. It says here, shrapnel from the bullet and the tiles from the flooring there at Walmart shredded the ankles of a 34-year-old gal who was shopping with her little kids. No, no. Little Donnie and

little Missy were with her shopping at Walmart. Two little kids. They're crying up and down. They're terrified. Mom gets clipped. She goes down like a sack of turds. Blood everywhere's. Blood. Here's what the local cop said. The local cops said, John the careless dildo was carrying his firearm in a manner that was a gross deviation from the standard of care that a reasonable person would have exercised in a similar situation. Very fancy put.

Put very fancily. Try it again. I'm trying to think of a way I'm trying to word this. It's very eloquent the way that. They worded that. Yeah, there we go. I got there. You guys doubted me, but I got there.

Oh, no, I knew you could do it. That boy, Dana, you put a sentence together. Keep in mind, I chose to wear these basketball shorts, and apparently I look terrible in them. So I might not be the perfect guy to suggest you did something correctly. That was fancy put. I mean, it was put fancily. It was like Brian from the office.

Why use more word when less do? You kind of reminded me of me trying to start. my snowblower for the first time of the season. It took a few tries. But you got there too. Yeah, it got there. I saw your driveway all clean and no snow on it. If you do that again, though, Josh might treat you exactly like his snowblower.

He might choke it. The cops also went on to say, wake up, idiots. Carrying a firearm is a significant responsibility. Firearms should be carried in a secure holster or in another secure manner to prevent unintentional contact with the trigger, reducing the risk of an unintended discharge. Unbelievable. Now, I don't know if John ran out of there after he shot a lady in her ankles, but it sounds like he must have because the story closes out by saying that eventually he turned himself into the police. Now he's setting in jail. The lady made it out of there alive, but her ankles are done. Her ankles are garbage.

Yeah, her Fadeaway jump shot's going to suck for a while. Her ankles were turned into dust, Cubby. Because dude wants to walk around in his stupid shorts. I mean, wouldn't that be... You mention that when you wear your basketball shorts and you're going around town looking awful.

Okay. You put your cell phone in there, right? To me. You put your cell phone in there, and you said you have to kind of keep your hand on your cell phone or it just beats your nuts into oh yeah it it slaps by fat thigh i've worn loose spitting shorts and put my cell phone in there and it just beats the piss out of my thighs and my balls imagine the weight of a pistol a loaded pistol like yeah stupid that that must be uncomfortable as all hell but yet that's how dinkist chose to go around he's going to go to walmart and get a

a bucket of ice cream or something all right uh here's a canine-related shooting. Nobody shot a dog. I'm talking about a dog behind the damn trigger. Again. Yeah, didn't this just happen? A couple weeks ago? A gas station?

Gas station shooting. Two weeks, three, four, whatever. Yeah, a dog was running around the front seat of somebody's pickup, well, his owner, the dog's owner. And stupid owner had a loaded weapon in the front seat of the pickup. The dog got tangled up in it. and inadvertently fired at innocent people at the gas station. Hit some lady in the shoulder. We can't have this, Josh.

We can't have this continuing. Let me tell you where I'm going with this one. It says here a gamer, a video game player type of a dude. He says that his gaming system saved him from being shot dead. a bullet came a ramshackling through the wall of his apartment and the bullet slapped into something called a ram stick which apparently is part of his home computer setup. Do you have a ram stick at home, Josh?

I believe I do, yeah. I think I have one in my laptop here. Can you show it to me? Is it a large item? The bullet ran into the ram stick. I don't have access to it. To it. Oh.

My pewter. Okay. So anyway, dude said he woke up in the middle of the night to a loud bang and some glass hit him in the face. The glass knocked the retainer out of his mouth. And some of the glass, Josh, got stuck in all of the, like the clear asill. Oh, sure. I could see that happening. Yeah.

Yeah. And the glass got stuck. Next thing he knows, his neighbor lady shows up at the door and she's. trembling and crying. And she was repeatedly apologizing. She thought for sure someone must have been shot dead. And the neighbor told the gamer guy that the firearm had been dislodged, or that's not the word, the firearm had been discharged by her dog.

Blame it on the dog. Marie. Dogs do get blamed for a lot, don't they? It's an advanced level of my dog ate my homework. I would instantly think there's no way anyone's going to believe this. I'm going to Jay. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Well, the police rolled up, and after they took a look up and around the apartment, they said to the gamer guy, they said, yeah, bra, if your computer hadn't been sitting there, you'd totally be dead right now. Gamer Jesus brings up a good point. with the cost of RAM today and the cost of PCs in general, I would have preferred the bullet hit me. You're right, the hospital bill might have been less expensive. Take your chances. Let me tell you that. Let me see if I have that here.

$3,500, I think it's going to cost a guy to put his computer back together. Yeah, those gaming computers can be expensive. Donk, it's a part-time job. Yep. The gamer character found the bullet under his pillow. Oh, my God. So he was really close to death. The bullet hit that ram rod or whatever I called it earlier.

A ramstick. And it ricocheted this way, that way, ended up under his pillow. Now, the neighbor gal is in deep yogurt. She's been charged with criminal negligence. She's had her gun confiscated. It took three days to clean up all the broken glass. His computer, the gamer guy, his computer is a pot. He can't play games, and he's going to have to rub one out the old-fashioned way

until he can afford a new porno machine. Just fantasizing? Yeah, just like you. That's how you started off. Why is an accent the first time? You're in the show. There's no further details on the dog that supposedly pulled the trigger or how it happened. I was kind of disappointed.

They didn't include. Why is there a little gun, chilling by the dog? There was no explanation at all about the dog or how that might have happened, so I just don't know. That's stupid. I was excited for that part. Don't. Yeah. Maybe I was sitting on the couch or something like that.

Yeah. I always thought to be cool to have some of that furniture that conceals guns. Yeah, that stuff is really sweet. Like you've got your mantle, you just kind of pound it like Fonzie back in Happy Days, and all of a sudden like a really sweet gun pops out, that kind of stuff. I've seen some people with some cool stuff like that. Oh, yeah. In person?

I've seen it in TV shows. Yeah. person. Well, what do they have? Like the, you know, like false picture frame. You move it. There's a little gun safe behind there. Oh, a gun safe. Yeah. Yeah, I've never seen, I guess, where the gun is just like freely out there. Those are cool. Yeah, where they have it in like the couch. I think I think I think Burt Kreischer has a bit where he talks about how like guns are so cool and about how he wants one and like every room in his house. And he's has, he said there was like one in the back of his toilet. He had like a compartment on his mailbox or something like that.

Jesus. Really weird you brought him up because I couldn't sleep last night so I started watching his Netflix show. Freebert. It's good. It's pretty funny. I like it. Uh-huh. He's good stuff. It's better than I thought it was good. Yeah, I agree, Josh. I had low expectations, but it definitely exceeded them. That youngest daughter, dang, she's funny. So I love when he talks about her. Ila. Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't know the name, but yeah, she's very funny. So we didn't get any explanation on how this dog might have accidentally fired a weapon that almost killed the neighbor in the next department. A listener texted in and is guessing that maybe the gun owner and the dog were playing

Russian roulette. Oh, shoot. You go first. No, no, I insist. You, sir, go first. All right. The southeastern United States, always with the southeastern. Here's a picture you ought to see.

I won't keep you along with this one. A 33-year-old feller by the name of Conrad was pulled over this past Friday night. Oh, he was really cooking. By God, he was driving 90-some miles per hour. Once the cops got him yanked over to the side of the road, they could tell he was drunk off his ass and also, it wasn't hard to notice. The 34 empty white claw can sitting directly on Conrad's passenger seat.

34? 34. Dirty. Nice. Bone dry. I thought there ain't no laws when you're drinking claws. That's what they say. You can get in trouble for that?

Yeah, if it's past like 12. That's a lot. Wow. Holy cow. I would be destroyed. If I was drinking all day long doing stuff, I could probably, I could probably. I could probably maybe get away with 20, but I'd be absolutely destroyed. How did those compare to like a beer?

About the same? Yeah, about the same. Oh, is it? You're not drinking 20 beers in a day. Oh, I could do it. You really could? Definitely. Yeah.

Aren't those things super sweet? I've never had one. They are, they're not too sweet compared to like the other stuff I've had. 20 beers in a day. Dude, my tolerance is sad, actually. You know, after not drinking for a long time? In a day. I thought, oh, my tolerance is going to suck.

It's maybe for like two times, drinking twice. By then, my tolerance was right back where it used to be. I was like, gosh, darn it. I love you, but I'm not buying it. Really? You don't think so. Not a chance in hell. Yeah, you should.

Not a chance in hell you drink 20 beers. I'm not a husband. I could definitely do it. I'm not a smart man. I don't know all the current trends and the changes and things like that. I thought you were going to name the other type of men that you were not. A lot type of men, I'm not. Now, a day is...

A tall man, I'm not a milk man, I'm not a pizza delivery man. Woody Harrelson, go ahead, Josh. A day is still 24 hours, is it not? Yeah. So that hasn't changed? No. And you're saying within 24 hours, you could drink 20 white claws? Yeah.

And I'm not a drinker. No, I would be absolutely destroyed, but oh yeah, I could do it. Before falling asleep. I'm sorry, there's just no way. Really? I don't want to doubt you, but that seems like so much. It doesn't seem like that much. I got your back, Ash, and I think you could get close.

Well, here's the thing. Please don't try to prove this because you will end up dead. I mean, I've had like bad Saturdays where I look at my receipt from the bar and there's like 15 Jameson 7s on there. And I'm like, oh, all right. That's bad. I don't want you to prove this. At any rate, and by the way, we'll get back to this white clothes. guy in just a second, but I have to go back through my text machine.

You picked him up, you dropped him, Jesus. You frigging dick. Oh, no, what did he do? I'll tell you what he did. I love him, by the way. You are the dick of the day, and don't talk to me for the rest of the day. That's it. Contact me tomorrow if you feel like it.

You picked him up, you dropped him, Jesus. But you and I are done for the day. Do you want to block him? We could. I'd miss his text. You know what? I want them. I want them to beg for forgiveness. We're talking about that frigging story a minute ago or a dog fired a gun. And somebody, you know, dog owner and the dog are sitting there somehow the dog fired a weapon. Somebody texted in and said maybe the owner

and the dog were playing Russian roulette. You picked them up, you dropped him Jesus texting in and said, wouldn't it be called roof in roulette? Why would you be mad about that? That's the type of whimsy he provides. Why would I be mad about that? Yeah. It's a dog and roulette and basketball shorts. Rulette.

You're wondering why I would be mad about that. Okay, so here's this guy driving down the road gets pulled over. He was obviously drunk and also there were 34 empty white claw cans sitting directly on his passenger seat. Now, I don't know if Conrad is the name again. I don't know if he pumped down all 34 of those white claws that night while he was driving in that vehicle of his. But the dumb bastard spit a 0.17.

Some folks who read this story and saw the picture of the 34 empties on the passenger seat, they said they'd be surprised if the weight of all those empty white claw cans didn't set off that cute alarm that tells you that your passenger. needs to buckle up. You know what I'm talking about? I don't know if it would pile up then. Anyway, I've had that happen when I got multiple pizzas before. Yeah.

I've set a case of beer there before and then wondered, why the hell is that a lot? Oh, well, the case of beer is heavy enough to. So that's a Conrad story. He had 34 empties in the passenger seat. You want to talk about a mess? I mean, obviously he was not too concerned about, where he slept that evening. You're going to drive 90 miles an hour drunk

and you've got that many empties in your car. You're not too concerned about going home. No, he doesn't even know where home is at that point, I'd imagine. On a side note, though, I do love a good garbage car. Well, I could show you a couple. Yeah, I get grossed out a little bit, but at the same time, I'm fascinated by the sight of a garbage car, meaning I'm not talking about a beat-up car.

The folks who never clean the interior of their cars until the point where it's just a dumpster with a steering wheel. I've been trying to keep mine clean lately. I've seen a few over the years. I've seen a few over the years that were just unbelievable. I've seen yours once or twice, Ashley. You say you're trying harder to... Yeah, because I have to have a baby in there,

and I'm afraid I'm going to get pulled over for something, I don't know, and the cop's going to be like, you have a baby in here and it's dirty in here? What's wrong with you? You're a terrible person. I'm taking your baby away. Child protective services. Yep, exactly.

I don't know. I have a right. I remember the story of the teenage gal who wrote her bicycle up my driveway and claimed that her stepdad had been beating on her? Remember that story? It was all a lie. It was all a lie. She was out of her mind. She pulled into everyone's driveway once in a while and claimed that her stepdad had beat her up.

It's a long story. The truth was she was just nuts and she liked to tell that story to strangers for the attention and then the police would come. Right? That's a stressful situation. Yeah, it was really odd. but we were all very drunk sitting in my driveway, three, four of us. This has got to be 15 years ago. And like I said, it was all the scam.

The cops knew this gal. As soon as they pulled up onto my property, they knew this gal. And they said, well, you come talk to us because she'd pulled this prank on everyone in the neighborhood. She was just a goofy kid. But the part that cracked me up is the drunkest guy out of the four of us demanded that he be the one to call the cops, right? And in the end, actually, the gal said, well, don't call the cops called child protective services. So he did. But maybe you had to be there.

But this is what I heard. The drunkest guy out of the four of us pokes at his phone and then says this. Oh, yeah. Yes. Hello. Is this child protective services? I'd love to be on the other side. Here we go.

I'm like, this is going to be great. The operator, exactly. The operator, exactly. Must have thought, oh, my damn, what am I up again? I have to go and save a child. Fancily put what is. Is this the number for child protective services? Fancelie.

Oh, yeah. Remind me to tell you that whole story sometime because it was an effed up deal. Yeah, I want to hear the. F'd up deal. I've got back to garbage cars, I have a friend. I don't think he's ever opened his car door where something hasn't fallen out. Usually McDonald's rappers. Oh, my God. Are you like me, Josh?

where you go, oh, gross, but at the same time, you're kind of interested, fascinated in everything that's going on in the car? Well, I get jealous and they're that relaxed. I've never been that relaxed where I could just be okay with something like that. Yeah, just chill out, man. It would drive me nuts. No, you're right. I got to chill out.

A good garbage car. Why does Josh need to chill out? Because it's all right for things to get a little bit messy sometimes. A little bit. We're not talking about a little bit messy. We're talking about a straight-up garbage car. Yeah, but I bet Josh's car is like immaculent. Yeah, but it's smell.

It doesn't smell. It does. Josh's car is always very clean, but there's a weird smell. I would smell like cologne. Even though you don't wear cologne, for some reason I imagine it's smelling like cologne. Like those black tree, those black tree ones? I've never, I've never, well, I wore cologne two or three times in my life. Do you have car, I'm guessing you have car fresheners?

No. That he needs, it smells in his car. That's weird. Why don't you? God, I wish I had car trouble and I couldn't come in today. Between the basketball shorts and the car smell and Josh's Josh needs a hug. Oh, no, he hates hugs.

That's odd to me that you don't. Oh, I guess, you know, I always thought you'd be the type of person that goes to a car wash like once a week too. And you said you don't do that. Huh. Josh's car smells like Ashley had 20 beers and she slept in there for three days. Oh, gross. It's Dr. Andrea. Here to save you about $5,000 and answer your pet questions.

It's Dr. Andrea. on the 93X half-assed morning show. Yeah, here she is in studio with us this morning. Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital over there in Minnetonka. 651-9-9-933 is the text number if you want to ask the vet. How you been, Andrea? Oh, good. It's great. It's been a while since I've been here.

Been a month or something? You've been pretty busy at times. Yeah, it's been a little chaotic. You and, yeah, you and Cubby were just talking about the last days of school here. both of his parents of students. What a hell of a deal, huh? Man, yeah. I mean, there's something every day.

Kindergarten graduation today. What time is it at, if you don't let me ask? Is it like in the middle of the day? One o'clock. One to two 30. Because parents don't have jobs. I know. There's a kindergarten graduation.

Yeah. You have to go and watch them. I mean, it's like. No, they do that. No. Yeah, they do it for like preschool, kindergarten, fifth grade. We had none of that. Yeah.

We had none of that. Did you go through that, Josh? Yeah. Really? Definitely. Even I did back in the day, we had a kindergarten graduation. Oh, for Christ's sake. So you have, and Josh, you guys have kids getting out of school here today, tomorrow.

Is it exciting or we covered this a few days ago? There are a lot of parents who say, oh, Jesus, balls. Now I've got to keep an eye on these bastards. It's a whole different game in the summer, you know, because then I'm at work getting phone calls. go here, can I go there? So-and-so is bothering me. Even though I have someone helping, right? Or they have a sitter, but it's like,

hey, can I have a lemonade stand? I'm like, not now. I used to call my mom's work phone, like the landline at her job all the time. And it would be for minors. I still know the number. You're trying to. I mean, you've got a very stressful, important job,

and the phone's ringing about lemonade stands and Joey down the street. Yes. We're having a squabble, what do I do kind of a thing. Yeah, well, and I got them some e-scooters, which I'm regretting because now they're pushing the limits. Like, can I go to Starbucks? No. They want to go all the way across town.

Yeah, you can't do that. Yeah. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm pleased to hear that your kids want to sell lemonade. The lemonade stand because when my daughter was little, she didn't get any takers when she was selling Dixie Cups full of Caterpillars. Oh, man. I would have bought one. Well, what was she asking? I don't know what the price was.

Maybe it was crazy high prices, but yeah, she for some reason, thought maybe she could make some money selling caterpillars. Who knew there were so many caterpillars around to sell? We had a lot of caterpillars. Oh, man. You know what my kids do actually sell with the lemonade is chicken eggs, and those are a hot item. Oh, yeah?

Oh, really? Yeah. They go into the coop and grab a bunch of eggs, and people are wanting to buy them. Wow. Yeah. That's a very good idea. I wonder what lemonade and over-easy egg.

would do to my stomach on a hot summer day. Serious trouble. Here's the deal. 651-9-8-933. If you want to ask our vet friend, Andrea, a question. Earlier we were joking around with punny names for dogs. We were trying to put hockey-related punny names on dogs. Do you encounter a lot of pets?

This was a question from a listener. Do you encounter a lot of pets with silly, awful punny names? Have you ever treated a lot of pets? a dog named Charles Barkley or anything like that? You know, it's more so, less so of that, more so, like, people will name their dogs after random people, like Lester Holt from the Today Show. That's random. That's pretty random.

Right? I like that. I like that's good. You're like, weird, you're like, where'd you come up with that? I used to have a client whose dog's name was Fonty Mike Johnson. Fonty. Fonty, Mike Johnson. The background on that?

No clue. Just the strangest names. Oh, yeah. My sister had a... That's cold when people go that route. My sister had a cat named Donald Vernon, but that was named after... Yeah, I remember him. Do you remember Donald Vernon?

Yeah, he was great. Big fat, tough bastard. He was named after a family friend. Yeah, listeners were curious if you ever treated any... No, it's more so I love the, like, Franks and Carls and Bruce's and Kevin. I think those are kind of fun. Yeah. We had a goss.

like that name. Sure. Yeah. But didn't you say Charlie's pretty played out? Charlie, Bella. We broke Dana's chops pretty good when he told us he was dating a gal with a dog named Charlie. We were like, oh, real unique name. Jesus, balls. I, I, you can't turn a corner without tripping over a dog named Charlie. Here's a question about a four-year-old female golden retriever who within the last couple weeks started having accidents, licking her butt, scooting her butt. Could this be anything other than a

UTI? Well, if she's scooting her butt, she probably needs her anal glands checked. Oh. And that comes along with allergies this time of year. So if you're smelling that like tinny, metallic fishy smell and she's scooting and licking back there, I'd check her for a UTI and have her anal glands expressed. Yeah, that smell. Again, we almost always come around to a conversation about that smell. So powerful. It is. Dr. Andrea, are pit bulls prone to heart failure? Not necessarily. I wouldn't put them on the top of the list. I mean,

boxers are, cavaliers are. I wouldn't say that they're more predisposed than other dogs. Okay. No. A listener was just curious. He has a three-year-old pit bull. How do you say this? I have one that has congenitive heart failure and that dog has been around for three years and now I have another one of my pit bulls that's just come down with it. At that age?

No, both. They came down with it at seven years of age. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, if they're from the same breeder, the same family, yeah, there could be a genetic component. They're also old-dish that maybe they're developing heart disease as they get older.

And if they're mixed with like a boxer and they're not pure pit bull. It's possible that they're more predisposed. But, yeah, we see a lot of heart disease, a lot of heart murmurs at older ages. Yeah. Seven is getting up there for a pit bull? I mean, these days, I feel like it is.

Seeing dogs, unfortunately, die younger than they used to. It's just a sad thing to say, but, yeah. Trucker Jesus said he has a daughter that wants to be a vet tech. Ooh. Can you recommend some of the better schools to go? Yeah, so this is a big issue right now in the industry is a lot of the technician schools are closing just because they don't have the money to fund them. So a lot of them have closed, but there is an online one called Penn Foster that a lot of our technicians will use. You have to get clinic experience, but the online one is a good option.

Yeah. Now, back to the punny names. One of our listeners has a dog named Jonathan Chichu. Chew at the ass end of the name? Wasn't that a football player, hockey player? Who the hell was Jonathan Cheech? I don't know. I swear to God he was an athlete.

Here's a question for Dr. Andrea. Are you allowed to treat your own pets? Yeah. Okay. For sure. Yeah. Is there a rule? This listener claims that there's a rule against doctors and surgeons

treating their own loved ones? I mean, like I neutered my own. own dog. Okay. Like if it came to having to like make an end of life decision for my dogs, I don't do that. I have someone else do that, obviously.

But like, no. There's no, I mean, most veterinarians treat their own pets. All right. Yeah, but there's no rule or law. Fair enough. Is there a rule or a law against doctors treating their own loved ones? Does anyone know that one? The TV shows and the movies make it seem like there is. Oh, is that right? Yeah, they're like,

no, no, no, you can't do that. That's your best friend. They're like, but I'm the only one that can save. Too bad, you can't. Sorry. That was almost like I was sitting in front of my television. Yeah, exactly. I remember that scene. That was from Grace Anatomy, right, Ashley?

Yes, it was. I'm going to look that up because I'm curious if doctors and surgeons are... I think they choose not to. Okay. Right? It's like too close to home. Yeah. I don't know.

The guilt if you screwed up? Yeah. That would make sense. Yeah, grandma's on her way out. You know, maybe I don't want to be the one to try to put her back together because if I screw her up, then the whole family's going to turn on me. Got a question. Take my money.

About micro mini cattle. What is that? Can they come into the regular vet or would an ag vet be something? An ag vet. For sure. I mean, so many people are getting pigs and they're, like, you know, they have them. They walk around the house. They live in the house.

Same thing with these micro mini cattle. So do they have, like, are they talking about, like, miniature highland cows? Yes. Yes. Oh, like lucky. Yes. They're so cute, but they're a lot of work. Same thing with pigs.

A lot of work to live with. Yeah, they need someone to be stimulating them all the time, playing with them. They'll chew everything. All right, here we go. Here's what I found on the godless internet. I asked, can doctors and surgeons treat their own family members? In the United States, there is no federal law that outright bans a physician from treating a family member, but the practice is strongly discouraged by the American Medical Association.

Makes sense. All right. Oh, yes. And it's what we were discussing. Personal feelings can cloud professional judgment, sensitive questions. or exams may be avoided due to discomfort. There you go. Here's a cat, Dr. Andrea, that won't stop eating grass.

Every summer he goes outside and licks off all the grass and it licks off his own fur. Oh, here we go. This must be an allergy. Off air you were saying. Yeah, allergies this time of year are so bad. But if they're trying to eat the grass, a lot of times they're so bad. But if they're trying to eat the grass, a lot of times their stomach's upset and they're wanting to vomit, where they just want to like try and induce vomiting themselves. Sometimes they have like reflux disease and they'll do that.

But cats also are kind of goofy like that too. Yeah, they are. And they probably just like it. Well, somebody is kind of a related question. Somebody said, why would my cat be eating plastic and how do I get them to stop doing that? Yeah. I mean, that's like cats and dogs eating their own poop. They just do weird things.

They do strange things, and they obviously like it. Maybe it feels good on their teeth. I just try and avoid exposure to it. I can't really stop them unless you get rid of it. Leonardo DiCatrio. Excellent. It's great one. Cleo Catra.

Wonderful. Jonathan Chichu played in the National Hockey League for the Sharks and Senators. I knew I had something there. We're here with Dr. Andrea Johnston from German Animal Hospital. 65-1-9-893-93. Is the number if you'd like to ask. her a question. Oh, this goofy story we had a few days ago, Josh, that none of us bought, but we should ask a professional. Someone in China has come up with a device that you hang around

a pet's neck. And it reads their body in some way or another to where when the dog makes a sound, they will translate that sound into a human voice. So they claim, In the future, we're going to be able to fully understand what our dogs need with this device hanging around their neck. How much of that do you believe? Zero percent. Right. Okay. You're with the rest of this.

How? I was hoping you were like, yes. It was some kind of AI pet translation software, just complete. I mean, they would do that for babies then. Like, human babies. If that's the case. Like, why is she crying? That's a good point.

Let's start there. Who cares if the dog has a tack in his paw? Who cares? Let's see what's wrong with the babies first. Right. Yeah, apparently over in China, they're coming up with that, and they're already asking for money, you know, to work. Wow. Wow. I do have weird dogs. I'd love to know kind of some of the motivations behind the stuff they do. Yeah, one of mine is just going to be so much judgment. I can just tell by the look on his face. He's such a judgey little prick. I always wish there was one day a year where you could just talk to your dog in full English.

Does you get 24 hours once a year? Chat with them. What do you need, man? What am I doing? Am I doing new things right? Do you need anything done differently? That would be fun. I don't know if I want that. I don't know if I want to actually hear the actual voice of my dog.

Because like you made up one in your head. It's like when you read a book and then you see the movie. It's not, yeah. You have a character in your mind, don't you? Uh-huh. When you picture your dogs and cats, you have a character and a personality that you think fits them. But maybe it would go the other way. They're a total douche.

And you're no longer one. famously Reacher, Ashley, where it's like Reacher's this giant character, the Reacher character, and they have Tom Cruise playing him. It makes no sense. It's not what you picture. And then the TV show, it's like, finally, yes, that's perfect. That's what I picture, yes. One more question before we take a break, and it's about a DNA test for your pet.

Have any of us done this? No. The question, I've heard of it, and I think we've covered it before, but I'm not sure. what pet DNA test would you recommend? Yeah. So I recommend the Wisdom panel test, and you ordered online. I think it's like 60 to 80-ish bucks, and it's a Q-tip swab. The dog has to be fasted, and you just, or cat, or I've actually never done it on a cat, but you swab the inside of their mouth or their gums, get some saliva and submit it.

It's fascinating what it comes back. I mean, there's always like a percentage that's unknown, but they'll give you a percentage of what you're, your dog is. It's very interesting. It's really cool. My husband did something like that with his dog before I met him and it wasn't that one that you just mentioned. It was some other one. And it, you could go on there and see like who his relatives were. Like if somebody else in a different city in a different state did the DNA test, they would be on that site. And like he found like a dog that was I guess considered like his cousin. It was so cool. Actually that same thing after my sister last week, About a year ago, they rescued a dog

little spicy nugget named Griff, short for Griffin door, actually. Cute. And they did a DNA test, trying to figure out, you know, what's his deal, where is he from? And just recently it popped up that

his dad was rescued. He had been living in a barn just being bred like crazy. And he was first time in a house. His name was Phoenix. And he looked really cute. Seven-year-old Phoenix. So found out who Griff's dad is. Yeah, that's so cool.

You see, kind of like the, you know, this magic idea they have in China. where you can wrap a collar around a dog's throat and it'll speak to you. Ashley, why would your husband spend that kind of money to figure out his dog when he could spend that kind of money to try to figure you out?

It was a gift. It was a gift. You'd think you'd want to try to figure what the hell makes you tick as opposed to us. It's Dr. Andrea. On the 93X half-ass morning show. We got a few more minutes. We've got a few more minutes with Dr. Andrea Johnston.

Our veterinarian pal from German Animal Hospital in Minnetonka, listeners have been texted in some questions, and we do have a few more minutes to spare. We've been talking about pets with punny names. Here's a listener who texted in to tell us that they own a snake that they call Hissy Elliott. That's a good one. This is an interesting question for a vet.

It's kind of sad concerning. this listener says my indoor cat got out of the house. Is there any chance that he'll come back? Yes. Yes. They just like to go on a little vacation for a while. It's shocking how they can survive out there. Then they come back, you're like, where are you been?

Yeah. I like that about cats. They want to live a little. They want to run around and get a load to the neighbor. Kill some animals. As long as a coyote or a car hasn't gotten them, I mean, they're usually pretty good. That's the fear. Yeah.

Finish this halfway in, Jesus has a 12-year-old. old Basset Hound, not overweight. I'll share that name with Mick's company. I can't believe he just did that. Well, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe I was hearing things. You got a dirty mind, Brad.

I do. I've got a dirty mind. Oh, okay, not overweight. Last few months, though, she gets really hot when she's sleeping, wakes up panting like she's overheating, having almost like panic attacks at night. But they keep her in a cool room with a fan on her, but it still seems to happen.

Yeah, if she's older and, It's at night. My guess is she's probably getting a little doggy dementia or cognitive dysfunction where the panting may not be that she's hot, but she's anxious. So they get confused at night. They can't see as well. Their sleep awake cycle gets off and they get anxious. So my guess is she's probably not overheating. She's probably looking for her owners, a little confused, just like an elderly person at that time.

What should they do? So you can try melatonin. You could do like five milligrams of melatonin at night. night before bed. Sometimes you need like stronger sedatives like tracodone and stuff too or Prozac. Lots of Prozac. Yeah. There you go. Yeah. Just like old folks. Yep. Just like old people. Here's what I would believe is a question from an owner of an older dog because their question says, is a bluish gray tint in my dog's eyes, the sign of glaucoma? I get that all the time. People are like, I think she has cataracts.

It's actually, the majority of the time, it's called lenticular sclerosis where the lens just scars. They can still see fine. It just looks cloudy. But if the eyes like bulging or big or she's pawing at it or rubbing it, then get it checked out because it could be something like a coma. Okay. Bang, bang, Jesus said his cat has the worst twitches. She'll be sitting there all of a sudden her face head shakes. Best way I can describe it is she reacts like it would.

if I stuck a blade of grass up your nose when you weren't looking. What gives? So there is actually a condition called feline hyperesthesia syndrome where they like, their fur twitches, like it looks like it's kind of moving on their body. Oh, yeah. It is a condition that I see periodically. A lot of times I'll use gabapentin to help minimize it. It's not painful.

It's just like spasming of their skin. Yeah, I've seen that twitch. It's nerve related. Yeah. See, there is medication. you can use to manage it. I always thought it looked kind of cool when my cat went, boom, boom, boom.

Like you said, the fur kind of quick. Yeah, yeah. And that's normal to some extent. If it's aggressive and all the time, then yeah, then probably has that. Here's another cat question. This is very interesting. A listener believes that he or she has suddenly discovered an extra toe

on one of his cat's paws. I love that. How long have you had this cat? He or she does not say. The polydactyl. That's what it's called. Is this concerning at all? No.

You know, Ernest Hemingway, you know, the famous Ernest Hemingway? Josh would know, but yeah. He has a place in Key West or he had a place in Key West, and all he owned was polydactyl cats. So they all had multiple digits. They're the best. They're like little mitts, little muffin mitts that they just like, so cute. That is cute.

Nothing to be worried about. No, no, it's awesome. Yeah. Here's a 10-year-old rat terrier named Bow. Named what? Bo. That's cute. Swollen right paw, having little trouble walking on it.

He's been licking it pretty good the last couple of days. He sent a picture. It's not the greatest photo, but I don't know if you can tell there. Yeah, I can. Looks like he might have, either he stepped on something and he's got something stuck in there, or he could have an interdigital cyst. where, unfortunately, it's like a little deep skin infection. Otherwise, I'd get it checked out.

Sometimes we can see like nail bed tumors and stuff like that. So I'd get that looked at. Yeah. A listener is texting in, and I'm sure you've heard of this. You were talking about cats with the extra toes, and you said they were kind of like muffin mittens. This listener says, murder mittens is a better name maybe. Your cat can do that much more damage to you if you cross the sum bitch.

Oh, they're so cute. One more final final here on my end, at least. This is very funny. A listener says, I have a neighbor who has a wallaby. No. What? A wallaby. Yeah, it's like an Australian wild animal.

Oh, is that like a dog? No. What am I thinking of? I'm thinking of a dingo. I was thinking of a dingo. Yeah, wallaby is like a kangaroo-looking thing. Oh. Okay, the question is, I have a neighbor who has a wallaby.

how the F does one go about getting one? I don't know. And where do you go to care for it? Yeah, pretty sure it's illegal. Yeah. Well, I got to look it up. So unless they have some weird license to have it, I don't know if many veterinarians.

We'll see it. Call the zoo. Maybe they'll... Yeah. Pretty sure it's illegal. It looks like it... Jesus, a shoe came up on my internet. Wallaby, animal.

Yeah, it's like a little kangaroo. Yeah. Oh, you can't have one of the... of them damn things. I wonder if they're a pain. Or if they're not that difficult to have something. I can imagine they're probably wanting to be somewhere else besides that person's house. I don't imagine.

Cubby, it looks like it could just kick the living hell out of you. Oh, I'm sure. With those back, part, well, it's your legs who kicked the piss out of you. I will tell you, when I was in vet school, we had to take a class on, like, illegal animals coming into the United States and how people would get these, like, crazy lizards and spiders. and they put them in like the craziest things in their suitcases to get through the airport. Right. So I don't know how they got that wallaby here, but.

God, dang. Yeah, really? I know. They're smuggling wallabies all of a sudden. Well, like I said earlier, you and Josh were trading parent stories when we were off air about school wrapping up. Yeah. You want to tell us what you're up against tonight?

We were getting a kick out of it off there. Tomorrow night. Yeah. Because one of your kids is out of school now. Yeah, my 13-year-old's having 17 girls sleepover. That's way too many. Right. I wouldn't even be able to fit that many people in my house.

Well, but you know what? That age, you could sleep standing up. That's true. We would sleep anywhere. We'd have like four girls in a queen bed. Pile them up on the floor. Yeah. A 17-person sleepover.

Oh, my God. Yeah, we're having, I can't believe it's that many. I hope you have like a 17 pizzas coming. And a well-stocked booze cabinet for yourself. Do you want us to send over a boy band or something? That'd be awesome. Entertain them. Just to take it to another level.

Why not? Thank you, Dr. Andrew, for your time. Always fun. 93X. Ah, air conditioning, the love of my life. Uh-oh. That doesn't sound good. What's going on, Habs podcasters?

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