93X Half-Assed Morning Show - Big Kahuna

Episode Date: January 22, 2026

Originally Aired January 22, 2026: You bit my nipple! Is that a fresh cow tooth? Everything you wanna know about wearing a banana suit.   Listen & subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or Amazon Music. For more, visit https://www.93x.com/half-assed-morning-show/Follow the Half-Assed Morning Show:Twitter/X: @93XHAMSFacebook: @93XHAMSInstagram: @93XHAMSEmail the show: [e-mail] See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What's going on, podcast, pimpts? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. The comfort you deserve since 1930. The 93X half-assed morning show. Ninety-three. Let's get rolling here. Might as well just go ahead with the operation.

Hope everyone's hanging in there best they can. And welcome to what we call here, the 93-X-half-ass morning show. Got any last words, Cubby, before this satanic cold front swings into town and shuts us off from the rest of civilization. It's going to be cold. That's what they keep saying. Today, ironically enough, is coming from the cold day. Maybe we should push that back to tomorrow.

Not that today's a heat wave or anything like that, but compared to what they're saying is coming tomorrow. Pretty reasonable out there right now, but if you've got any last messages for loved ones, now's the time. Well, I can tell you it's going to be a warning to my wife or if I catch myself in the mirror after a shower, It's going to be very unflattering to male genitalia tomorrow. Keep that in mind, Ashley.

Don't make fun of anybody if you happen to see a private party. If you see some stray don't make fun of them. That's all meteorologically related. Yeah, of course. It has nothing to do with just what they're carrying around on a normal day. Speaking of meteorology, yeah, I got this warning last night from my favorite television meteorologist, the Channel 9 dude, Ian Leonard, I think, is the handle he goes by.

He's a funny guy. Beckel, gentlemen? I enjoy watching them on my television. Not that, you know, I got a problem with the others. There's a guy on Channel 5 also, boy, I'm old now. Anyway. Talk about weather guys? Yeah.

This Ian Leonard character told me last night that the brutality begins this evening, and by the time we check into this nightmare at this time tomorrow, all will be lost. We'll have to resort to cannibalism. Like those poor kids I was telling you about that Uruguayan rugby team from 50-some years ago. I'll tell you what, if you want entertainment, you're not wrong about Ian Leonard. Watch him cover tornadoes. He's awesome.

I have. He's absolutely awesome. Mike Max, is he still Channel 4? Yeah, C-C-C-O. Yeah, C-C-O. When he was covering the riots, you know, back during George Floyd, he was incredible on television. Mike Max was so good out there. Ian Leonard, same type of thing.

Very, very good. I make sure and watch him during tornado. I wish he would cover tornadoes in other parts of the country. Yeah, he's very, very good at what he does. Who's the guy on Channel 5 that I really dig, too? I'd have to look at pictures. Is it Ken Barlow? Oh, no, he's not.

I know Chris Reese. Chris Reese. I enjoy watching. Is that Chris with a K? No. Chris with a C. He spells it like a non-famous realtor. Oh, yeah, I love this guy.

He always looks happy. He's one of those guys where when you see his face, you can't help. But, like, honestly, when I just Googled him, my heart warmed up. That'll keep you warm on a cold day. I enjoy watching him talk about the weather on my television. Those are my two favorites. Chris Reese, Channel 5, Ian's Leonard, Channel 9. I haven't seen Mr. Reese during a tornado, but Ian Leonard, he can't miss television.

I think this is very common, but the older I get, the colder I get. Yeah, that's normal. By tonight, I can picture myself by tonight. I think I'm going to have to search through my porn drawer to find my long underwear. Boy, you know, never, well, I take that back. I've only owned one pair of long underwear, and that's when we used to go on our snowmobile trips back in the day. You never were much for long underwears? No, even as a kid, my parents didn't.

We had, uh, I never wanted to wear them when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I fought tooth and nail than not have to put on my long underwear. Of course. Because I thought that was SAWFT soft. Oh, really? I thought they were cool simply because like paw Ingalls would wear them on Little House and the Prairie. I want to get a pair of the flap, you know, if you had to go potty. Yeah.

Well, that's like a union suit type of a. As an older person, I'm not ashamed of my long underwears. So I'll probably be searching the porn drawer for my long underwear. I think I got a couple big fat pair of socks in there. Older I get, the colder I get. And I get a little more aggravated these days when these satanic cold. A lot of folks are saying Satan is behind this satanic cold front is coming through town. I'm getting a little aggravated.

I'll admit it. It's affecting my approach. I'm looking forward to the day where I start to feel cold all the time. I'm always warm. I know Dana and Ashley, you're in the same boat. Same boat. So I'm kind of looking forward to that. Is it because you guys are a little squirly?

Oh, I'm sure. I mean, you can put more clothes on when you're cold. Just the heat, there's not a ton you can do about it unless you're just putting yourself in front of an air conditioner or sleeping outside. So you don't even know if you have a pair of long underwear. So I got them in multiple colors. Oh, I only had the one pair when we used to go to. I's 80s. I don't know what happened to them.

Somebody probably stole them. They're hot. It's going to be... Everybody wants them. Everybody wanted my Target long underwear. Is that the same ones you have? Oh, I don't know where I got them. Robert's going to Target, get my pack a long underwear.

They're brought to you by the folks from Haynes. My weren't Haynes. It was like, I don't know, Cherokee or I can't remember. That sounds like a Target brand back in the day. Yeah, I don't know. But you're right. But you're right. Very likely, if you're missing your long underwear, very likely they were stolen. Sold that auction.

Yeah. You know, it's like, good luck keeping long underwear in your house without these long underwear prowlers running around. I keep seeing, somebody actually just text in on this. I keep seeing that meteorologists are warning people about trees exploding in the extreme cold. Oh, that's awesome. I want to see a tree explode. I looked into that. It's called a frost.

crack. That's never happened. I've, okay, I'm 50, almost 51 years old. I've lived in Minnesota my entire life and that will continue until the day I die. Right. Been through many, many, very cold winters. Yes. I've never heard of a tree exploding. It's because it's never happened.

Do you want to know more? Yes, please. Give me more of this fake news. When temperatures drop suddenly, the sap inside the tree can freeze out a colder temperature than the surrounding inside a tree. The surrounding soil, leading to rapid expansion and pressure build up. So it can cause the bark to split, producing a loud noise often described as a gunshot.

How come I've never heard of this? Because it's never happened, Josh. I've spent the majority of my life drinking with elderly people. And I've never heard one of them tell the story of an exploding tree. It says it's really, really rare. Really rare. Well, that's why. AKA it's never happened.

the friggin boring-ass stories these elderly drunks tell me at the bar they would love to tell an exploding tree story they would love to but they've never been able to because this never happened don't let these chris reese and ian leonard type people fool you i thought you like those guys i do like them they wouldn't talk about exploding trees yeah i don't think that's ever really happened but i'd like to see it now screaming trees That's one of Nick's favorite 90s bands. We used to play a lot of screaming trees on this frequency.

I suppose they probably started in the 80s. Trying to remember when those. They were more hot in the 90s. I'd have more respect for you, Josh, if you didn't try to remember the origin of the band, the screaming tree. If I find out, if I search your, if I look through your search history later today, and I find out you looked up. I won't look them up.

This screen. You see their videos on MTV waiting for Headbanger's Ball back in the day. My uncle Mike may he rest in peace. He was kind enough. He had cable. We never did. He would record it on VHS.

That's awesome. And so, and they're late Saturday nights, right? Are we talking Headbangers ball? Yes. And so he'd come over. He was 10 or 1030 on Saturday nights. Yeah, I remember it was over the weekend, Friday or Saturday. But he'd come over on a Sunday or Monday and bring me that.

I looked forward to that. tape every single week. More old guy stuff here. We're going to talk about MTV. And VHS tapes. VHS tapes. Recording things off TV. But you make perfect sense.

It made perfect sense to me, at least, when you said you used to see an awful, terrible, useless screaming trees video before Headbanger's Ball. Because the show that was on before Headbanger's Ball was called, was it called, 120 minutes or something like that? I can't remember. But it was all alternative music videos. That's why it makes sense to me, because I remember that. I remember when you would sit in front of your television and wait for headbangers ball to begin,

you had to sit through a couple of awful alternative bands and their music video. So that's why you saw the screaming. All right, we found a loophole here. And thank you to more anxiety than Hare Jesus, who texted in and said he didn't want Josh to get in trouble. So he did the work for me. he looked up the screaming trees. God dang it. They started in Ellensburg, Washington in 1984.

A couple of high school friends. It says here they bonded over punk, garage, and classic rock. Beautiful. The screaming trees. I hope they're living a miserable life. I hope they're just fine. A few people texted in, a few people texted in a minute ago and said, wait a minute, you keep your porn and your long underwear drawer.

Doesn't everybody keep their porn in their underwear drawer? Yeah, that's normal. I keep my porn on the Internet. No. I suppose you can do that now. I've only had one smut magazine. I mentioned you guys before. It was passed around in late middle school.

Or maybe it was my freshman year high school. I can't remember. It was a friggin' playboy, by the way, right? I know, gross, right? And there was a lady that was spread across two pages. And it was just two gynecological. A playboy? Oh, it's way too much.

Although I did like... Let me show you my uncle's collection of Hawk magazine. Yeah, I've heard. I've heard worse. I did see a buddy had... He had Hustler. And I remember seeing that thinking, like, I think I have a PhD in anatomy after this. Oh, really?

That was way too much. I don't teach you some things at a young age. Yeah, Hustler, and he also had Penthouse. I liked reading the letters. I thought those were always interesting. They were very exciting. This happened to all these people. Very realistic.

Right, Ashley, the underwear drawer. Yeah. That's normal. 100%, for anything like sexual. Yeah, toys, porno movies, the underwear. Because a couple people texted in and questioned why I would keep my porn stash in the underwear drawer. That's normal, yeah. That's very normal.

You're the one who's got a problem, whoever texted me. Yeah. Weirdo. The playboy that I had, like I mentioned, was passed around and my mom found it. Oh. And threw it away. So I was the kid that had to say, hey, guys, I lost our communal magazine here. Oh, dude, you suck.

Not popular. Jake is up. It wasn't a thing back then, but I lost some aura points. Yep. Sure did. Did I ever tell you about the time that some gals I graduated high school with invaded my porn stash when I was having a keg party? I don't remember this. It was a very funny trick on their part.

Oh, this was, I don't know, it got to be 20 years ago now. I had a little unofficial reunion, high school reunion at my house. Big beer party. Most of the time we were out on the back patio or in the garage. But obviously people got to go in and out the house to use the bathroom. At the end of the night, I walked into my bedroom, and everything porn-related was spread out on display in my bedroom. That's pretty funny.

So they had my DVD movies organized nicely on the TV stand. All the magazines were opened up. to the centerfold or the most grotesque picture in the magazine, placed on my bed, placed on my dresser. That's funny. And I immediately started laughing, you know, but I wondered who the hell. I called a gal, you know, everyone had gone home.

I called a gal who I thought was a likely culprit. And she was already laughing when she answered the phone. And she said, well, yeah, I mean, so this is 20 years ago. We were in our mid-30s. she said, every dude on planet Earth has a porn stash. So we just went into your bedroom and easily found yours. And just they decided they'd make sure they did a little inventory for me, Josh,

and made sure that every single item was on display in my bedroom. That's really nice of them. Did they organize it in a funny way or categorize it? No, well, like I said, the porn movies, maybe I didn't make this clear, the porn movies in their cases were kind of displayed on my TV stand nicely as if you were in a library

or something like that and you could say, oh, I'd like that one or I'd like that. Very clever, cool trick. Would you ever wear a sex toy around your neck, Ashley? No. The other day, I don't know why this popped up, but there was an article about the new Goop catalog. I suppose it's coming up on Valentine's Day. Again with this friggin' operation, right?

And I wouldn't have, I just, The picture they had was of like this kind of golden, I guess. It looked like a pen more than anything to me on a chain. And so then I read the headline after I saw the photo, and it was basically a vibrator necklace, a necklace, which apparently it was getting rave reviews for both the aesthetics and how pretty it makes you look and then for the way it's used. That's concerning.

I don't know if I wouldn't know it was a vibrate. Well, I guess I wouldn't have. I didn't realize it at first. That seems a little odd, does it not? That is odd, yeah. That's... Do you, but... Yeah, they want to do themselves.

Be weird, I guess. That's one of those, you know, people who they so desperately want you to notice that they're different. I'm going to wear... I want so badly to be the center of the conversation that I'm wearing a friggin' sex toy around my neck and just waiting for someone to say, oh, what's that? Right? Yeah. Yeah. We've worked with folks that really like to be sexual in any way. And so I could, there's one or two people I could see wearing this for sure. Oh, yeah. Okay. Again, with the Gwyneth Paltrow and her goop sex toy calendar or what, not, not calendar, catalog. And like Josh said, you know, we're a handful of days away from friggin' Valentine's Day, so she pushes her products on us.

Again, just like she does when we hit the holiday season. And one of the items is a vibrator you wear around your stinking neck. All of it is wildly expensive. You know the Gwyneth Peltry. Oh, sometimes it's crazy expensive, like tens of thousands of dollars. Ashley, did you see it? The necklace? No, I haven't.

Let me know if you would know right away that this was a vibrator. I just sent you a link. Yeah, the thing is it can't be too obvious, right? I didn't think it looks kind of like a nail or a pen of some sort. Yeah, I would never have guessed. It kind of looks like a whistle, like a dog whistle? Does it look like, is that a nice necklace to you? Like if you just saw it, would you think, oh, that's a pretty necklace?

No. Or it looks like something that like someone would put some ashes in. Oh, you know what? That's the best description yet. It can't be too obvious, but it has to be a conversation starter. That's the point of it, in my opinion, like I said. That's for people who they can't wait to talk about their sex life. Oh, Big Rig Fenders, Jesus said that I was right.

It is a pen. It's a special variant of pen called the Penn 15. I was a part of that club. You were in the club? Yeah, back in the day. Good for you. I'm going to write that on my hand real quick. Yeah, just so you don't forget.

Tell me about this gimmick again. I was never part of this. The Penn 15 Club? Yeah. Where people would just kind of say, hey, you know, you want to join the Penn 15 club? We're starting it today. I mean, this was like, I don't know, fourth or fifth grade. And I thought, well, I'd love to be accepted by a group of my peers.

Like, what do we do? Is this a jump in situation? Blood in, blood in, blood out? Like, no, how you do is look, you just write pen 15 on your hand and you're in. And I thought, I can't wait. And I wrote it. And if you're not catching on the bit, when you write pen 15 next to each other, it looks like penis. And they got me.

So I had penis written on my hand. There's always with a big magic marker, too, so it was impossible to wash you off all the way. I was lucky. It was just a pen. Oh, really? But you're right. Like sometimes if somebody had a Sharpie or something on that, you're going to be scrubbing for a while.

And you don't want to scrub that penis too much. No. It can go off. A couple of folks have texted in about porno. Since I brought it up or somebody brought it up a couple minutes ago, it might have been me, likely culprit. Wow. Some of you folks, times was hard back in the day.

So I was talking about my porn stash. 20 years ago Josh had just the one Playboy magazine that was traded back and forth amongst the other members of the Penn 15 Club. There was just one Playboy magazine

that he's traded back and forth. And you thought that was bad? 651 or 715 Jesus. Their communal porn in fifth grade, this is all they had. One car air freshener with a naked lady on it. That's nothing.

And he was the one who got busted with it. Oh. And his mama still shames him about it 30 years late. One car air freshener with a naked lady on it. I remember a buddy of mine had one of those pens, where when you flipped it upside down, the lady in the bikini's top came off. Oh, cool.

What an incredible piece of technology that is. Anytime you're right, she's topless. She's topless. We got to talking about where you stash your porn. underwear drawer common answer here's a guy who said his dad stashed

his porn in his toolbox out in the garage probably because he knew mom was never going to go looking in there in the toolbox I mostly grew up in the internet porn age but I definitely remember the days of the excitement of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition

kind of paged in through the Sears catalog a little bit and seeing the ladies in the bras Oh, yeah. National Geographic was a good one too. Jay C. Penny, another one. Yeah, I got the best of both worlds, I think. National Geographic. Oh, actually, it was a thing. Kathy Ireland.

Mm-hmm. I licked the pages. Yeah. When Kathy Ireland was in play. Not Playboy, you just said it. Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I think that was the gal that had my fly going up and down like a window shade was old Kathy Ireland. Yeah, there's my, I mean, my parents used to get an next.

National Geographic, and boy, was I shocked every once in a while, I'd see a topless woman, like, balancing a load of laundry on her head. Right. Carrying around like a fruit tray or something. Nothing sexy about it. I don't know when you're, you know. Oh, no, of course. See, you grew up in the Internet age.

I mean, that's really all we had. And so somebody brings up a good point, and I can't believe after all these years I never made the connection. Yes, when my mom tossed that playboy, she did throw away my best porn omags. Beastie boys. You got to go ahead and fight. Back to this Gwyneth Paltrow nightmare. Just for fun here, because I'm burned out on her gimmick,

her wildly expensive sex toys. Yeah, she peaked with this candle smells like my vagina or whatever that is. Yeah. She should have stopped after that. It smells like my vagina candle. This is a $79 item here, and that's far cheaper than what you usually see in Gwyneth Paltrow's sex toy catalog. It's for him and her at the same time. It's some kind of a vibrator called The Hug.

It wraps around the both ofias and stimulates bothias at the same time. They only want $79 in trade for that gimmick. That's not bad. You know what that made me think of, Josh? When I read about a his and hers something or another called The Hogue, it made me think of fundies. Fundies. Boy, it's been a while since I've heard of fundies.

Did you ever have any of those? It's a pair of underwear's for two. What? Yeah, they used to sell them at Spencer Gifts when I was a kid. We couldn't wait to walk through Spencer Gifts and see how much they wanted for the fundies. It's a pair of underwear. Both of you pull it on at the same time.

your face to face. Oh, wow. I'm sure it was... I'm guessing it was total garbage. No, I never bought a pair of fundies, but I remember them very, very vividly. I remember the box and don't get cute with that, where it was, you know, a naked man and a naked woman

belly belly both wrapped in the same pair of drawers. Fundies. Mentally drunk, but not physically drunk, Jesus said he got his hands on a deck of, naked lady playing cards back in the day. And he sold them for a dollar a piece in middle school, a young entrepreneur. Oh, man. That is so smart.

That is brilliant. I had forgotten all about dirty decks of cards. I think it was on my 40th birthday. My bro, half man, half immersing, got me the raunchiest set of playing cards you've ever imagined in your life. And it was only a couple years ago, I think I finally threw them away. No offense. Half man, half immersing.

Oh, I always thought that, you know, you just get a naked gal standing in a corner on your decks of cards. The one, my bro found me, name a sex act, it was on one of these cards. Oh, wow. Full on. Detailed? It was so funny, too, because, like I said, I had forgotten all about the idea of dirty playing cards. Were they themed to match, like, if it's supposed to be a king or a queen? No, not at all.

Just straight up. I don't care if it's the five of clubs. You might flip that pig over, and we're talking double anal. Double. And then the next one you get, oh, it's the nine of spades, and you flip that one over, and it's a potty game. You had to be there. That is pretty graphic.

Josh, it was graphic. All right. Yeah, so we started off talking about the cold weather. So sometime this evening What's the line from Martin Lawrence and Will Smith Bad boys? Sometime this evening

going to get real. Sounds that way. Yeah. It's going to get so cold. I might do something you guys have been pushing me to do for a long time. Sleep with clothes on. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I forgot about that. The trauma had slipped my mind. Thank you for reintroducing it to my to my psyche here. Something or another on your body before you go bedtime.

Yep. Long Johns? I think we have some long Johns, actually. We talked a lot about Long Johns. The last couple of nights I've put on a t-shirt. And I'm usually just in the old boxer briefs, but.

Not me. Sometimes you've got to alter your approach. I've even been putting on a t-shirt the last couple of nights. because if any part of my body slips out from under the covers, it's just a miserable experience. Very cold in my house, generally speaking. Well, all right, let us know how you do with that.

That is really gross. What if there's a fire? I mean, do you have no respect for first responders? I mean, I got closed nearby. On this show, we respect first responders. Although I mentioned not too long ago, I want to throw it out there again, some reason you're my regular UPS guy in my neighborhood and you saw me in my underwear.

I apologize. It was not on purpose. You were walking around the house and your undies? Well, T-shirt, too. Okay. But I had underwear on and no shorts. Usually I like to wear the shorts. Yeah.

Oh, before we take a break back to a porno again real quick, great question from a listener. Was it common for anyone else to find large amounts of porn in the woods when you were a kid? Absolutely, yes. We didn't have any woods by me. Yeah, I never found porn in the woods. He said I remember finding woods porn on more than one occasion. Well, yeah, it was common for me. Just a couple blocks from the house I grew up in, there was a wooded area.

And, you know, with bicycle jumps and we'd ride our dirt bikes in and out of there. And that's where we had our forts. My group of friends built a fort back there, some younger kids, some older kids. before you got into junior high, that's where we would spend our time in our forts. And so, yes, it was very common if you invaded another fort when those kids weren't there, you would find their porno stash, just as if they would have invaded ours, they would have found our stash. Invading forts.

Yes, that was a big thing when we were like third, fourth grade kids was, hey, the older kids just left their fort. Let's go see what they have. And they'd have some porn, maybe some hooch. So, yeah, common for my upbringing. Matter of fact, once we did go to the older kids' fort and we stole their porn, went back to our fort, buried their porn, it now belongs to us. And I'm trying to think of the word, Josh.

Well, I guess there's a real easy word. The fear that we all felt. I was just going to ask, I'd be terrified. The stress of it all. Yeah, stealing older kids porn. Almost broke us up as a group because we thought for sure, oh, God, they're going to know. They're going to ride their bicycles over to our fort and pummel us. Yeah.

They never suspected us. But it was, I guess I sort of feel, I learned how it feels to be a criminal, or at least a criminal with a conscience, because we were so stressed out over the idea of the older. kids finding out. Can you guys help me save a life real quick about, specifically someone I care deeply about, Jiu-Jitsu Jesus? He said he's about to go out for his morning run. Oh, come on, man. Just take a day or two off, I think. Don't do that. Go on a treadmill or something. We don't need you freezing to death out there. Well, it's not that bad this morning. Oh, it's pretty cold. Compared to tomorrow, it's not going to be bad. Well, that's what I mean. That's still pretty darn cold.

Tomorrow I would call. There's a low at 20 below today. I think that's pretty cool. But right now it's not that bad. Tomorrow, if I, because the first thing I saw when I backed out of my driveway this morning, Josh, was someone jogging in my neighborhood. Tomorrow morning, I would call you, I would call an insane asylum to come pick you up if you're jogging tomorrow. I think you're saying it's not that bad because you're comparing it to tomorrow. I think it's six. I am comparing it to me.

It just says the air temperature. That's cold. Are we, oh my God, we've come full circle. We are old. Now we're arguing over what is cold and what is not cold. I don't know. I think most people would agree six is cold. Yeah.

I mean, that's pretty good. I'm going to go the other way. 100%. I'm just going to disagree. The guy who just said he's cold all the time. Yeah. Josh, you're right, you're right, though. I'm going the other way.

It's not cold. You're right, though. We've gone from talking about how cold it is, favorite meteorologist, old school analog porn. I think we are officially old. Yeah, exactly. We're arguing over what is cold and what is not. Here we go. Let's cut to the chase.

When we return, we'll hit. up that stupid news. It's coming. So hang on to your ass. Thank you very much for joining us. We'll be back in a couple minutes on the half-ass morning show. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps?

Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well.

Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki.

He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-L-K-L-K-E-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you.

Hey there, I'm Paula Pan. I help people make the smartest money decisions possible. Do not ever worry about your salary. You need enough to make sure that you aren't in a bad financial position. Once you have that, your salary becomes moot. What matters from that point forward, upside gains. Any type of ownership stake or ownership potential, that's the money. Remember, you can afford anything, just not everything.

Afford anything. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Stupid news on the half-assed morning show. A lot of folks showing off their AI skills. Is that how I say it, Josh? Yeah, it works for me. A lot of our listeners have been showing off their. AI skills the last couple of days.

If you were listening yesterday, some listener made us all out to be, using artificial intelligence, a listener made us all out to be the opposite sex. So we got to find out what Ashley would look like as a dude, what the three of us bros would look like as checks. And you posted that, didn't she, Ashley?

Yes, I did. Oh yeah, 93X.com. What did this guy do? Josh just printed me off a picture. some dude made Josh and I out to be, through AI, made us out to be big, buff, tough guys in lifted pickups and whatnot? Yeah, we're bad asses, goat trucking, Jesus. I want this to be real someday. We're off-roading and looking super tough.

Maybe one day, Josh. Josh has his, Josh is behind the wheel of a big lifted Dodge Ram pickup. Got his arm out the driver's side and you're just torn up, like a member of the WWE roster. I am also blown up like some big steroid tiger, but I am behind the wheel of my electric bicycle. And there we are. But we have to do a lot of working out to make this come true.

Yeah, she's kicking up dirt. One of them has the skyline and the Minneapolis skyline in the background. Thank you for... How do you do this? I don't know how to do this stuff. Thank you goat trucking, Jesus. A lot of protein powder. If we're going to make this work.

A lot of days not ignoring our lats. I mean, we're really hitting Latt day here, apparently. All right, you pricks. Let's get started with the... Beaumont, Texas. Well, I bet that town sucks. That's our starting point for today's God-Forsaken. stupid news report.

Here's what we're dealing with, Cubby. A 40-year-old lady derelict. A lady derelict at a grocery store. She decided she'd be a scumbag and steal a couple items for herself,

okay? Wandering around the grocery store feels like being a scumbag. She upped and snatched some Hershey's chocolates. Yum. And a bucket of tampons. Oh, let's go together.

Tried to walk smooth out the store, Ashley. Don't confuse the two as far as which hole you put them in, though. She tried to walk smooth out the joint without paying. Do women get cravings during their period? Some women do, yeah. I'd never heard that, I guess. I usually just want meat. Like bacon, steak.

Sure. So that's what this gal did. Carrie is this moron's name. Tried to walk out the grocery store with some chocolates and a big four-alarm industrial-sized barrel of Red Zone referees. What does it say here? A loss prevention officer. That's what they call them.

Working at the grocery store that night. Must be kind of a shady neighborhood. but a lost prevention officer working at the grocery that night, he attempted to stop Carrie on her way to her motor vehicle. But Carrie, she's a tough one. She just shoved that little nerd across the parking lot. Get out of here, loser. She's pretty tough, yeah.

And she was in a piss poor mood from the get-go. So she knocks that little prevention officer on his ass. Here's the deal. that lost prevention officer, he wasn't ready to give in just yet either. He picked himself up off the ground. He got right back into Carrie's space to try to keep her from stealing all that chocolate and those beaver dams. But God help us, Carrie pulled a dirty move. At least some would consider it a dirty move, you tell me.

She pulled a dirty trick on that grocery cop. It says here, she gave the effing guy a titty twister. Oh, rude. Ouch. Like nacho Libre. Neeple twist. Why don't those hurt so bad? So painful.

The nipples is a sensitive area of your body, Josh. Yeah. Ooh, that in a snake bite? I read one of those. Oh, my gosh, yeah, I forgot about that. My brothers used to do that to me all the time. Ow, we. I hated the snake bite.

But, yeah. getting your nipple tuned up not a pleasant feeling now so that's what she dumped on the grocery store cop kneeple tweezed and it dropped him to a knee

he was heard calling out for his mother and then he fell unconscious that could probably knock a guy out or it almost killed me one night at the bar well I suppose that was a bite But anyway, that was a nipple bite. The real cops soon drove up and arrested Carrie. So in the end, no free chocolates or pillow pads for her.

She's off the jail. I had one of my nipples bitten, real, real horde one night at the bar. And I screamed aloud because I had never had that part of my body physically attacked before. I was totally unprepared for the level of pain that came with it. Were your nipples exposed or is it through the shirt? She picked up my shirt. Weep and bit down on my nipple. This gal was very, very drunk.

I complimented her. It was her birthday. And I said, oh, it's your birthday. How old are you? And she said 21 or 22. And I forgot which route I took here. But Josh, you know, especially with women, some of them want to be forever young. Some of them never want to be acknowledged as a kid.

They always want to be acknowledged as an adult. Do you know what I mean? I know what you mean. So she said I'm 21 or 22 and I can't remember if I said, oh, you're so young or which side I took. But whatever it was, she wasn't pleased with it. and that's why she I mean I barely had time to react she did it so quickly

picked up my shirt damn near bit my right nipple off and she moved on with her night and the next day that some bitch was blue black red purple it hurt like hell

that is a very strange reaction to being insulted well I was trying to compliment her well I'm saying she felt insulted And that was the reaction. Yeah. Yeah. I can't remember which way I went.

But, you know, especially at that age range. And I suppose I shouldn't limit it to women. Dudes do the same thing. You know, there are some dudes. Once they hit 15, you better recognize them as a man, right? Yep. But others want to hang on to that youth a little longer. So I crossed some imaginary line, and that was the punishment I received.

That is a terrible feeling when you're trying to compliment someone and they take it as an insult somehow. She was blasted out of her mind. I mean, absolutely wrecked. We made up one or two days later when I saw her again. If I remember correctly, she was very apologetic. She admitted that she had been burping nipple all night. Yeah. But like I said, I had no idea at that point in my life how wildly sensitive that area was to.

anything, let alone a full-on, full-power human bite. I had a girlfriend once who was a biter and got to the point where I think my friends were almost like sit me down and like, are you being abused? Do we need to talk about something because of all the bruises on my arms and shoulders and stuff? Do you mean like sexually? Yeah. Okay, not out of anger.

No, not out of anger. Like in the throes of passion, I think they say. Were you a biter, Ashley, as far as, because I know a couple of girls who had older. brothers and that was their defense. Yeah. They would bite them. Yeah, absolutely. It wasn't, well, I guess it was a long time ago now that I think about it.

It was like five years ago, one of my exes, or my ex's best friend, the first time I met him, he thought it was funny to put me in a headlock. I don't know, but I immediately panicked because don't put me in a headlock and I bit him and everybody got super mad at me because I left a bruise and all this stuff. And I was like, he put me in a headlock. Sorry. But he had to explain it to his wife, so, you know, that was interesting. The snake bite, you mentioned, Josh.

Yeah, that one was surprisingly painful. There's certain things in life that hurt so bad that make no sense. If you, like, cut a finger off, people give you sympathy and they understand the pain. But if you get like a hangnail and it's really bugging you and it hurts like heck, nobody feels bad for you. They don't care. No. But I remember as kids. kids, we would go back and forth snake biting each other.

Yeah. You know, it was a tough guy competition. And it took about everything I had deep down inside, Josh, to mask the pain. All right. So there you go. Next up, here's a guy. And it makes me wonder, whatever happened to stealing things of value like cars and jewelry, up there in FN Canada of all places, a fully grown 28,000.

year old man allegedly robbed a damn drugstore. Not my first choice. I don't necessarily think of my neighborhood drugstore as being the spot to hit to make some big cash as part of an armed robbery. But I don't know. I don't commit crimes. Yeah, unless you're stealing the drugs. Yeah, the pharmacy. If you're hitting the pharmacy. Right. I know there's one in town that got robbed so many times they had to close it. I suppose, yeah. If you're dealing, if you're looking for drugs, that's obviously the spot. I was just thinking of straight up armed robbery cash register type stuff. This whack bag Canadian, I can't even say for sure that he made an attempt to steal anything from the cash register.

I don't see anything in the story. It says here he came on into the drugstore with a big old knife in hand and tried to make off with a fistful of plastic toy swords. What are you in charge of the party favors for a first grader's birthday or what? Yeah, I mean, you hear people steal toys like Lego or the Pokemon cards. Pokemon cards are the big one. Because you can make some money on those. That's different.

Yeah, well, I don't think there's a big black market plastic sword market. What are you going to, a Pirates of the Caribbean-themed happy hour? What's happening? Maybe he was smoking the meth rocks or the fentanyl rocks or something in the form of a rock. I wonder how profitable it is nowadays to rob a cat. register. Is there much cash? I mean, I'd be interested if somebody works in retail, let us know, like, the difference. Back in the day, sure.

Well, my- would be flush with cash. My local gas station still has quite a few bucks in the cash register. I visit them quite often, and I use cash quite often still. I know I'm in the minority there, but I still use cash as often as I can. It is kind of weird that there's places that just don't accept it. It seems strange. Yeah, ballparks now don't accept it.

Yeah. That's the one place, I guess. that I can think of, yeah, when you go to the ball game. Who else doesn't it? Can you think of any other joints that don't accept cash? Concert venues? Same thing. Arena.

Yeah, green is. I was at a restaurant that didn't. Oh, yeah? They didn't accept cash. And then the, like sometimes, it's not a concert venue, obviously, but like some youth tournaments they don't, like at the snack area. Oh, the snack bar at the wrestling tournament. all of them, but some of them.

But grown men shouldn't be stealing toy swords, right, Josh? I don't know what this guy was up to. He must have been on something. Yeah, they caught him. He's in Canadian jail. Oh, this was smart, too. He was on probation at the time, so. Oh, here you go.

Magic playing machinist Jesus said if they sell lottery tickets, since they're cash only, they'll be kind of cash flush. That makes sense. So the gas station you're going, so gas stations make cents. Oh. Oh, lottery tickets for cash only? Yes. Oh, I didn't know that. No, me neither. Never played the lottery. Never once. You never bought a powerball ticket or anything? Wow. Never once. I have only a handful of times. You know, when it's the least likely to win. It's like close to

a billion dollars or something crazy like that. The only times I've ever played is on my last job when it would get really big like that, they'd say, hey, let's pool some money together. And I'm like, I'm not going to be the guy that it doesn't put $5 in and then it has to see these A-holes all get rich. Definitely, Dana. Yeah, man. That would hurt like how. Oh, God.

I'm like, I would never, that would be it. I'd just go live in the woods. This is crazy. Ambassador of Rubbish Jesus said ballparks have reverse ATMs where you can put cash in to get a card. I've never heard of that. Oh, that's awesome because that definitely has happened to me before.

Well, especially when they first switched over, I would get there and be like, yep, I got 200 bucks. This is going to be a great day. Oh, they take card. Well, how am I? supposed to put this cash back on my card. So people are saying tickets allow cash or debit card. Right.

I meant credit card. Yes. You can use your debit card. What are we? Lottery tickets? Lottery tickets, yeah. You can buy a lottery ticket with your... You can't put it on...

You can't take out debt, essentially, correct? I think that's the gist. Yeah, all right. No, I've never played the lottery. I don't get involved in such things. I've played quite a bit. My mom got me into it when I was younger. So she just let me scratch off her scratch-offs.

I think every time. Well, that's great for her. So Simon says that since places don't have cash anymore, he has to rob hookers nowadays to make a big profit. Do they have like Venmo or something? Probably, yeah. Or like those little squares that can hook up to their phone. Who prostitutes?

Yeah. I wonder, are they high-ta? A QR code on their butt. Yeah. They just tattoo it on their body. Speaking to tattoos, yeah, that's a lot of them, they accept Venmo and stuff now. And same with barbers, too. Well, that makes sense.

A couple friends I can ask, Josh, about that prostitute thing. I can ask about it. I wouldn't want any record of that. Oh, right. It's on either end of it. I think that seems like it should be a cash-only business, but, hey, it's 2026. Again with the monkeys. Yay.

And I'm not talking about Peter, Davy, Mickey, and Mike. Real Live Monkeys is where I'm going with this one. Lately, we've been rapping a lot about the forthcoming monkey human war. The human versus monkey war. The monkeys want this badly. We've talked quite a bit about monkeys attacking humans lately. It is getting ugly out there. I am happy to say that this time around I have nothing ominous or violent.

to tell you about. It sounds like there's at least one place remaining where the monkeys and the humans get along just fine. And they even share some laughs. In Vietnam, a funny video is going round and round. A video from a popular touristy spot where people come from miles around to play slap ass with the local monkeys. The people pull up and park their motor vehicles. Monkeys come running out the trees. And folks give the little peckerheads a snack. They take some pictures. You know what I'm saying, right?

Yeah, sounds fun. One tourist who swung by to spend some time with the wild monkeys, wanted to make sure he got everything he could out of the experience. He showed up, number one, he was on a moped. Love it. Showed up on a moped wearing a suit made of full-on damn bananas. if you can picture what I'm saying. Do that bananas taped around his torso, taped around his arms and legs.

He was smart enough not to hang any bananas anywhere near his rod. He kind of looks like a catcher almost in baseball. Oh, yeah, I could see that. It's like catching pads. Banana chest protector, banana leg pads, absolutely. It's on 93x.com. Take a look at this guy in our website. He was smart enough to avoid.

hanging any bananas anywhere near his pee-pee because that could have proved to be fatal. Oh, geez, imagine making that mistake. There's one that hangs a little lower than I'd be comfortable with. From the pictures, this scene looks like a little roadside spot where you can pull your vehicle over and quickly get overwhelmed by monkey Poon Tang. They just crawl all over you. And sure as hell, if when you watch the video of this banana suit guy, the monkeys did come of running

and they pulled bananas off his banana suit like it was nothing. They weren't scared. They seemed a little confused. Yeah. But they weren't scared. Is this your skin? Would this, would you want this to be you, Ashley,

because you've often made sympathetic comments about the monkeys on this program? Yeah, I'd be cool with that. I want them to like me. I would be afraid that once all the bananas were gone, they would still keep like trying to pick things off my skin. They're just like picking my skin off eventually. Would you be at all concerned about, well, we were talking earlier,

would you be concerned about losing a nipple? Yeah. That's only natural. I didn't think about that at first, but now, yes, I'm definitely afraid. Only nature. Someone are going to be upset. You know, they're starving, and all of a sudden you're out of bananas, they'll start and eat whenever they can.

It's so cute to think this guy rode like this on his moped. Yeah, he did. All the way through town. local authorities shut this silliness down pretty quickly. They said it was making the monkeys too crazy. And Banana Man... They're getting all nervous. After he got reprimanded, Banana Man got on his moped, and he did roll away.

There's too many bananas. It's kind of like, you know, when they tell you, don't feed wild animals, some places will say, don't do that kind of thing. As you might expect, stupid social media junkies had their opinions on this gimmick. Some say that the banana man ignored wildlife protection rules. They said you're not allowed to feed the local animals at all. Banana man didn't know that. He forgot, he said. Oh, yeah, I forgot.

I heard of that once. I was so excited about my banana suit. He knows this crossed his mind. That's great. Not allowed to feed the animals? What's the matter with you? Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot. My bad.

One of my derelict friends growing up. Dropped out of high school. Dropped out of high school. And the cops found him wandering through town one day doing nothing. You know, he's a 16-year-old kid. The cops roll up and say, hey, aren't you supposed to be in school? and my buddy said, oh, Jesus. Yeah, I forgot.

I knew there was something today. A banana hammock, they said, Josh, about this guy's outfit. Banana hammocks. Never wore one, even out of comedy. I can't imagine that'd be very comfortable. They look really uncomfortable. What do we talk about? Banana hammocks?

Well, yeah, you wore them when you were a kid, didn't you? No. You wore boxers when you were a kid? Well, I thought a banana hammock was more. like those tiny little, like, Oh. Yeah, it's got to be made out of like spandex material. We have different definitions of banana hammers.

Yeah, tidy whities, to me, is a lot different than a banana ham. Yeah. More of a speedo. Yeah, speedo, that's the word else. In my neighborhood, tidy whities and banana hammocks are the same thing. For me, it was more like the Borat type of speedo look or something. Scams. Again, we can talk about the scams.

There are elaborate scams. waiting for us at every turn. The faceless, anonymous technology-based scams is the main gimmick. You know, you try to send an email, some pissbag

steals your bank account, you try to send your wife's best friend a D-pick. Someone steals your identity. It'll bring a player to his knees. Don't look now, but the old-school chicken dick scams that we grew up with are attempting a comeback. The founder

mouse in my beer bottle type folks. They haven't gone anywhere, but they've been largely forgotten about amongst the fear of online thieves lurking everywhere. Some of the old school scammers are still out there. A Mexican restaurant in Houston, Texas, a joint by the name of fajitas Mexican grill. They've taken the time to light up a couple of throwback scammers who tried to get a free meal with the old I found a hair in my food routine. I found plenty of hair. I never complained about it. I mean, what are you going to do?

Yeah, I don't care. The one time it troubled me, Josh, when I found a hair in my food, was when that hair went on forever. Now, my wife has very long hair, and every once in a while, that happens. And I don't know how she has any hair left with the amount that you find. Like in the shower? Everywhere. Mm-hmm.

I believe I always. ordered a big hot plate of meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and gravy, and green beans at a restaurant one night, Josh. Oh, that sounds awesome. One of my favorite meals. That's a great meal right there. One of my all-time favorite. And I found a hair sticking smooth out that meatloaf. And I was fully prepared to pluck it out of there and continue on with my dinner. And I'm pulling longer and longer and long and it it was wrapped so tightly around the meatloaf that it turned the meatloaf over a few times so you thought of it yeah and then but it still wasn't over it it took a route through the potatoes it took a route through the green beans oh boy i'm talking like a five-footer okay that's

doing too much then i would have to send that back i i can eat around hair um but when it gets in i didn't even mean it like oh come on i mean i am a true eater But that's, I didn't mean it like that. I wasn't trying to be dirty. I was not trying to be dirty. I, uh, but when it gets in your mouth, you know, and then like you said, where you keep pulling it out like a magician pulling out tied scarves. That's from a magician's hat.

That's the perfect way to put it. I mean, that's where, and you're like, oh, my God, how does this keep going? That does gross me out. That's exactly, that was exactly my experience, except I was just pulling the hair off the plate as opposed to out of my, but I have. of that experience too. Oh, in your mouth, it's gross. Pulling it.

It didn't match that five-footer hair from my meatloaf dinner, but I have had some longer hairs I had to. Have you guys ever got it wrapped around the little punching bag in the back of your throat? No. A piece of hair, yeah, I've had that happen before, and so you go to pull the hair out next thing, you know, you're like choking. Oh, no. One of the top five worst pains I've ever felt.

It's happened twice. That's way worse than when. what I've experienced. Oh, it's so bad. I didn't know you could do something like that. Yeah, I didn't either until it happened. You lassoed your uvula. Yeah.

Oh, that's what it's called? I think that's what it's called. Yeah, I think you're right. So again, here's a couple at the Mexican restaurant in Houston, and they tried to pull the I found a hair in my food routine. How stupid and embarrassing. Well, for normal people, this would be stupid and embarrassing, but, you know, some folks have zero shame.

Unfortunately, it seems this absolute numbscull couple forgot that these days every restaurant in town has security cameras, and it's easier than saying Jack Robinson for the restaurant staff to review their videos when you accuse them of this or that. So the whole ordeal started when the couple set themselves down for dinner at the joint, and then shortly thereafter, they walk up on the manager and claim that their food was covered in human hairs. So, you know, they want their meal comped. They said their fajitas, Josh, looked like Robin Williams' ass cheeks. Oh, I bet that's pretty bad.

I'm going to base it on his forearms and knuckles. Yeah. The restaurant folks said, well, that's a damn shame. Give us a minute. They rolled back the video, and I'm sure they weren't shocked at all. I'm sure they've been scammed like this before. They see that this moron couple is plucking hairs out of each other, like a couple of orangutans,

and then placing their own body hairs on the fajitas. Just because they're nice people and also partially because they just wanted these two losers to leave and hopefully never come back, the restaurant comped the meals of these two low-life ball bags, but afterwards

they hopped up onto social media and said, please be aware, we are a small family owned restaurant trying our best to keep our doors open. We understand that eating out isn't affordable for everyone, but faking issues to get free food,

hurt small businesses more than you realize for us. It's income we simply can't afford to lose. That really is too bad now that companies have to just give in to people they know are scamming them because they don't want to get review bombed or something like that. It's unfortunate. Will that statement have any effect on losers who pull lame capers like this? No, because people like that only ever think of themselves. But, you know, there you go.

What else have you found in your food and you were able to? the fight through it, Josh. You know, I've been pretty lucky. Outside of hair, I haven't really... Well, my wife tried to kill me with broken glass once. Oh, yeah. Not too long ago. How about a thumbnail?

No, luckily. How about a fake eyelash? Nope. How about, uh, some plastic? Oh, you know what? That does ring a bell. Yeah. Yeah, I think I've had plastic in there.

I've had a few microwave meals where I didn't quite take care of all the plastic that surrounded it. I thought of whatever. Tintfoil. Oh! I've eaten some tinfoil by accident. Ouchy, that would hurt. Like it got mixed up with a potato, right?

You know, I don't... Sure. Do you call it a baked potato if it's... You call it whatever you want, yeah. Yeah, one time I was trying to chew my way through a, I don't know, a microwave bucket of spaghetti or something, and suddenly I was chewing on hot, wet plastic. That's my own fault.

Yeah. user error. The thought of chewing on tinfoil makes me want to throw up. It's like nails on chalkboard. I can't get enough of it now. I hear that that's very painful. Like it's... If you've had cavities, it is.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you have tooth issues, teeth issues that... Oh, I'll bet. You get that tinfoil in there. It'll send you through the roof. It just... Through the friggin' roof. I've had a bug.

So uncomfortable. Bug fly in. Oh, yeah, bugs. I don't like that. Bugs. I can flick a bug. off a meal. Even a dead bug I can flick a bug off. I'll go

ahead with that. You know, mouse pizza, whatever you got. Sports on the 93X Half-Ast morning show. I have herpes. I couldn't see it. And then it just now it's so there. Don't kiss me. I will say don't

blame it on someone's chapstick. It's okay. I don't care. So let me get this straight. That's the voice of a young lady named Sophie Cunningham. Does she not play in the WNBA? Yeah, for the fever. And, well, she has herpes? Well, she's joking that she had a cold sore,

aka herpes, she's saying. I read the story. I didn't really understand what was going on. And some people were mad at her because she was, they perceived it to be making fun of people with herpes? No, that's so weird because it technically is considered to be herpes, isn't it? That was her joke, right? I remember the first time somebody told me that, yeah, you got herpes. I'm like, what a cold sore is herpes?

that's hilarious. Give the gal a break. So what was the end result? She was just joking around. She was just joking around. All right. She was on her pod. She has a podcast called Show me something.

An athlete has a podcast? Yeah, people have podcasts nowadays. And so she mentioned she used some chapstick at a youth basketball tournament in Missouri and she ended up with a herpy on her face. Well, it happens. God, I remember playing slow pitch softball back in the day. And one of our, you know, you meet in the parking lot beforehand and get drunk. Yep.

And one of our buddies drives up, gets out of his pickup. He had a friggin herpy on his lip the size of a monkey fist. Oh, man. Oh, it made for the most fun couple of weeks there, you know what I mean, until it finally faded. I'd call him a replacement player if I were him, just so you didn't have to deal with the ball busting. He didn't look terribly confident walking up on the circle of dudes. But, oh, man, that was fun. There was a kid in my daughter's class who had one so long.

They had to operate on it to remove it. it just wouldn't go away. Right on the lip, and it was huge. It was like a big pizza crust bubble. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's what our dude looked like. They had to cut it off for this kid, you know?

They had to cut it off. Yeah. Cut it off. It's like almost the whole school year, poor kids. Oh. God, dang. I don't know. I don't want to be the guy that's got to cut off a herpy.

Those doctors have a tough gig. Where are we going with this? You know, not much happened last night. I can tell you this much. Tonight skis, you got Timba Well, Chicago Bowl. Timba War. Playing at Target Center. Man, Bear Pigs play at home tonight, is how you say it.

They're playing Detroit. 845. Oh, perfect. Please. Right, right. I'm always up at that time. Just no. Randy Shaver will be here in a half hour, and we can cover much more.

we were talking about finding things in our food, hairs, this and that. You want to, our listeners texted in and told us about some of the things they've found in their meals. Cigarette butts. Gross. A full latex glove under my dinner. They finish the meal, right? Big plate. That had to be there on purpose.

Some kind of casserole or whatever. And there's a full latex glove. How do you not notice that when you're scooping it? Well, because it was under the meal, you know what I mean? He couldn't. No, I mean the people that prepared to play it. Oh, yeah, I don't know. And this is how a listener puts it, an ear ring.

At least I prayed to God that the ring fell off of an ear and not something else. How the hell has this happened, Josh? Someone finished their dinner at a restaurant and found a car key. I win. That's like an old radio contest. It is. Yeah. You got a new, you got a new Viper.

Yeah. He found a car key. The cook goes home that night trying to get in his apartment. Like, or no, the cook goes out to the parking lot. He's trying to go home. Can't. Got no. The hell is going on around here.

And everyone's mad at us for bringing up the idea of biting into tinfoil. I didn't know that was going to be such an issue. You're right. I apologize. I brought it up. I didn't mean to upset anybody. You chewed some tinfoil for a while once while you were tearing a baked potato apart. Yeah, I swallowed some. Ashley, Newgal over here's in the corner,

puking her guts out, just hearing us talk about chewing on tinfoil. And like Dana said, I heard that if you have cavities or molars or whatever, if you bite tinfoil, it'll be the, your shoes will come off. It'll hurt so bad. So a few people that are mad at us for bringing this up. They've got this sensation now they can't shake. Yeah, I feel the same way. True story. Josh, quit chewing Copenhagen. He switched from Copenhagen to Reynolds and it helped you kick the habit. Yeah, it did. Yeah. We got to take a break. Cubby's got some more news for you here coming up. The 93x half-assed morning show.

What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choked. slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com providing the comfort you deserves this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders,

your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bialki. He's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you. Don't suffer. Call Bialki Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialki-Law.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-Law.com. And it spells relief for you. Hi, I'm Joe Sal C.

Hi, host of the stacking Benjamins podcast. You know what? A lot of us get taxes wrong. Filing your taxes is basically data entry. There's been this trend of people going, oh, it's so. cool to file my taxes in August. It's so awesome. Don't worry. I have an extension. It'll be fine. I'd like totally do it later. Stop. Do your friggin taxes now. That was a really good fashion voice. Did you like it? You do that more frequently, please? Yes, every show from now. We'll be like that. Stacking Benjamin's, follow and listen on your favorite platform. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. It would be no way of No, it. The 93X half-assed morning show.

Ninety three. No, we can't have a five-year-old kids doing stuff like that. Few ideals are... Like what, Josh? I'll tell you. Word. Few ideals are held more clearly than teaching a child the worth of honest work, the worth of an honest day's work.

Though it grows awkward when the workplace requires latex gloves, hot wax and unclothed adults. A Tennessee mother is hoping to do. judge will spare her after allowing her five-year-old daughter to wax dozens of women's fur fissures and extramid egresses. What they have is somebody who made a mistake, who has remedied that mistake, is back on track, and the criminal justice system does not need to be involved. What the hell happened?

A young kid was waxing gal's vaginas? Yeah. Take the kid away. How old are a kid? Five. Boy or a girl? Girl. F.

A law enforcement official. said they received a series of complaints about a viral Instagram post showcasing 30-year-old Jasmine Moss's waxing business. In some photos, her daughter was depicted applying hot wax to the pubis of enough nude women to create a pelt out of pubes. Oh, my God. Detectives and Moss's daughter helped apply hot waxed over two dozen clients for more than eight hours, which amounted to an unruly thicket of pubic hair.

The post read in part, she literally helped me waxed 24 clients, starting from 7.25 a.m. to 5 p.m. She made $744. 740. That's good money. And I'm going to put that money toward whatever her future dreams and aspirations are. The mom posted. During the initial anger over that post, the Tennessee Department of Commerce said they received 86 different complaints about the business owner. However, the defense believes the case should be dropped. How the hell could you do that to a kid? Certainly some questionable parenting, but does it amount to a crime? Her lawyer, Blake Ballin, said, nice.

Ballin. He's Ballin. Our position is, it does not. They investigated this, and the child is still in Miss Moss's custody, Balin said. I don't get it. In light of that request, the judge overseeing the case said it appears your attorney, and the state will see how this can be resolved.

And they may need some time to see how it will ultimately play out. Holy shripes. Yeah. And I'd imagine that probably wasn't a one-day deal, right? No, definitely not. Maybe. Maybe that was the first time. Josh, we're pretty tight, you and I, from the get-go, really. We hit it off right from the get. If I came into work tomorrow and told you that I've got a waxing business on the side,

you'd probably be a little surprised. But let's just get beyond that. And if I told you my five-year-old son, little Donnie, was waxing guys' rods and beholes all day long. You would call child protective services so fast it would, and we're best friends, and you'd call somebody about that. I'd certainly consult like a Ryan Pesiga and ask, how much trouble is my friend in here?

This is wrong. I mean, you've got to be out of your mind. Yeah, it seems pretty wrong to me. After discovering that we're... And again, you grew up with a nudist family. Well, yeah, not mine specifically, but a buddy of mine's, yes. They were nudists. That still just throws me into a panic.

And shaving habits were different back then, Ashley. It's not like it is today. I mentioned before my sister-in-law has like her own salon, and part of that is to take care of that area for folks. So my wife would go there to take care of business. And I always thought that was awful strange. So her own sister is waxing her brown star for her. Well, I don't know if she's going back there.

I think it's more upfront. That's wrong. Yeah, she hasn't done that in a while gone there, but to me I thought, well, that's, I don't have that relationship with one of my siblings. I don't know how to feel about that. Yeah, you and your brother, aren't you take care of mine? I'll take care of yours. No, I wouldn't even shave his back if he asked me to.

I don't know. Sisters are so different. Yeah, that's what she told me. She's like, it's different. No, it isn't. You have to, I'm sorry, but I would love a recap, and I'm sorry that I forget this every time. but you would go and spend time at a friend's house as a 12-year-old, 13-year-old? Yeah, for a few years.

Okay, right? I would just take the bus home with him and we'd hang out. You would go spend time with this friend of yours, and his mother and father would freely walk naked in front of you. Yeah, mostly the mom, the dad was at work, and the mom ran a daycare. So she'd be naked. That's the craziest part. She'd be naked around little kids.

and then us as, you know, still little kids as pre-teens there. So did you ever inform your parents? No, I was too scared to tell them. I was very uncomfortable, so I'd always say, hey, let's go up to your room, you know, and play. There's no way that the parents of these children she was caring for. There's no way they knew that she was walking around naked, correct? I can't imagine. I mean, you know, I never asked.

She did tell us one time, you know, she. because I had asked my friend, I'm like, hey, I'm pretty uncomfortable with this. This is odd. And he must have told his mom, and she sat me down. Now she was clothed when we had this conversation and told me, you know, it's natural and kind of went through all the. Yeah. That's not her job. The thing someone's, you know, who might be into that would tell you.

So looking back now, would you ever send your kid to be cared for by someone who did that in front of them? No, and I know, had I told my parents, they never would have. Like, I just know how to bring it up. We didn't talk about that kind of thing growing up. Nothing sexual, you know, nothing, nothing like that. I can believe it. Yeah. Knowing you the way that I do, I can believe.

I couldn't even imagine bringing something like that. You did not have a lot of open sexual conversations in your household. Not at all. I'm sorry that I make you recap this so often, but I forget the details, and I am so fascinated by that. Yeah, it was odd to say the least. I can't even imagine, man. Was the mom somebody you would want to see naked at that age? You know, at that age, I wasn't paying too much attention. Maybe I don't know how to say that

I wasn't super horny yet. I don't know what else to say. I guess I can't, I couldn't remember exactly what age you said. I thought maybe you were like 12, 13 or something. Yeah, I didn't really, it was, I was a little later of a bloomer. Gotcha. Yeah, oh, 1213, if you would have put a full-on naked lady in front of me, I would have been, my pants would have broken. I was a late bloomer for that guy. You weren't, as you just put it a minute ago, you weren't super horny. And there's one more word.

You weren't super horny yet. No, no. At that point. I was beyond super horny as a 12, 13 year old. I got super horny eventually. You eventually got super horny. Yeah, but I was older. I was older when that happened.

What year did you get super horny? Age-wise? Yeah. About 14, about 14, 15. It was right around the bend. Yeah, I was close. Yeah, so not like 25 or something. You're still in the wheelhouse.

Oh, no, yeah. It started around 14. Okay. I'm sorry, I can't let it go. Who did this lady think she was walking around nude in front of other people's children? I don't remember the full conversation we had, but you know, when somebody makes himself out to be more important and meaningful than they should? That's kind of how she was.

Oh, there you go. I don't mean to besmirch folks that are in adult nudist colonies, that kind of thing. Well, that's not what we're talking about. Yeah, no, not at all, not at all. It's very, very different than what we're talking about. Sure, I can see how some people would take this the wrong way. We're talking about adults who get naked in front of children that are not their own. Yeah.

And their parents don't know about it. Yeah, I wouldn't do that in front of my own. I, yeah, I wouldn't be, I'd be afraid of all the terrible things they'd say about my genitalia. Well, now I've got to go this route now. Coming from a household that did not have any sexual conversations, open sexual conversations, has history repeated itself in your home? You know, we're more open about that. We don't talk about like we would hear, but try and make it, hey, if you ever have any.

I mean, they're not too interested in talking about it with us. Sure. Yeah, no, no kid is. Why not a pro like you? He doesn't want advice from the master. The woodsman. Refer to yourself as the woodsman. Just like sarcastically.

You ever got any questions for the boss when it comes to Bubba-bang and you come and see Daddy? I would say, you know, people are way more open about it now. Oh, hell yes. Yeah, absolutely. You know, and I had questions. I wanted to ask, but I just do. I couldn't, you know? I had some questions.

What were some of your questions? Oh, I wanted to know if you could. run out. Oh yeah, I remember you bring that up once. Like if I knew I wanted to have kids at some point and I thought, do you only have a certain amount here or what happens? Yeah, the tank is empty if you crank it too many times. Yeah. So I thought I better make sure I'm careful here. The one sex talk my brother and I had with our dad went like this. We were about 16 years old. My brother and I, we were leaving for a keg party. And as we were, as our asses were almost out the door, the old man sitting at the bar with a cigarette, his bar, not a public, in the house.

smoking a cigarette. He goes, hey, before you guys go, you're wearing those rubbers, aren't you? And we said, well, yeah, even though that was a lie. And he said, well, good, I don't want any friggin babies. That was it. That was the only... That's enough. That was enough for me, yeah. Almost had a sex talk with my dad. In sixth grade in school, we read Judy Blumes, are you there, God? It's me, Margaret. Yeah. And, you know, they talked about some adult things, I guess. You know, as I remember as a kid. And so I'd asked my dad about some of them. And he wouldn't really share anything with me.

He wanted the conversation in as soon as possible? Yeah, pretty much. Because I was like, you know, we were talking about like having kids in school and stuff. And I asked my dad, I'm like, well, when he told me, you know, he kind of confirmed the process, I was disgusted. Like, yuck. Why would somebody do that? Well, you still have pretty much the same feeling about it. Yeah, a lot of guilt, too.

Yeah. And then I'm like, well, how do you? you know when it worked? And he's like, you know. Like, well, how do you know? I wanted to know specifically, like, is there a time or is what, how do you know? And he wouldn't tell me, you know. And to this day, I'm kind of glad he didn't. So it's like when you're cooking a turkey and little think pops or something? Yeah. That's what I wanted like, what's the sign here? Does she say, hey, I'm pregnant. What happens? Oh, God. I declare pregnancy. I'll tell you what. I'm terrified to even look at texts after this conversation.

You guys tell me if there's anything I need to know. I'd imagine I'm getting just torn apart. You know what? I'm going to go over there. I'm going to look at the text. Just be nice to me, please. I'm vulnerable. After discovering that her estranged husband euthanized her two treasured rescue dachshunds, a devastated British dog owner did the only thing a person can do in that situation.

She borrowed a brutal page from Smashley's playbook, reached for a knife and stabbed his ass. That woman is 64-year-old Claire Bridger, who later found herself on trial for attempted murder after stabbing the man she'd been married to for nearly four decades in the chest and stomach. Oh, she double-tapped. He killed her dogs?

Yes. He's got a reason, and you can tell me your thoughts. Yeah, he has an excuse, he said. By then, the couple had been separated for about a year. During that time, the dachshund stayed in the care of her ex. After the breakup, he found himself unable to keep the pets. They were described as having behavioral issues, and after her unsuccessful efforts to find someone willing to take them,

he decided to have them put down. A registered school nurse, Bridger, told the court earlier this month that the months leading up to the attack had been grueling. She said she struggled to cope with the separation and was pushed over the edge when she learned the dogs were dead. She testified, she told. temporarily went to had amnesia, brought on by the stress and some alcohol, and said she lost it after discovering the couple's beloved dachshunds had been put to sleep.

The mother, too, said she never intended to kill the man, though admitted she definitely intended to stab his ass. Wait, so she's, it's been a year and a half, and she's still, like, going through it? Yes. Yes, she is. All right. She, you know, they were together for 40 years. Yeah, yeah.

Forty years. Quite the change. She'll get there eventually. You know, they never said why she didn't have the dogs. Yeah, that's what I'm wondering if she loves them so much. I would never leave my dogs behind. She must have been in a situation where she couldn't either. Oh, yeah, that's true.

She told the court that her next clear recollection was a neighbor physically pulling her way from her husband and continuing to scream, he killed my dogs when police arrived. She blacked out. Yeah. Luckily, he survived. She's scheduled to be sentenced in March. I do think it's strange. he didn't give her a chance.

I don't know if he did or not. That's what's weird. I read a few stories on it and it wasn't really clear. Most people would. That'd be troubling for anybody. Yeah. I don't know about stabbing someone with the old. How did you say it, Ashley, the double tap?

Yeah. Well, you guys know the story about my bro. He found out his dog was dead when he came home from high school, lifted up the trash can on his folks property to throw a pop away and his dog was in there. Jesus. That'll stay with you. Yeah. That's so dark, dude.

That's going to come up. a therapy session one day. How's that guy doing? He's fine. You guys all met him, I'm sure. He walks into his dad and says, what the hell's going on? And dad says, what are you talking about? Well, Ernie's in the trash can.

And the dad said, well, yeah, he's dead. What do you want me to do him? He didn't put him in a bag? No, they put him in the trash can. Should I have recycled it? What's the problem? His dad said, what am I supposed to do with a dead dog? Mounted on the wall?

He's dead. Here's a couple random dogs and cats facts for you. 36 president of the United States Lyndon B. Johnson had two beagles. He named them him and her. Jesus, that's stupid. I kind of like it.

During World War I, the British had 500,000 cats enlisted in the army. What? Mostly to kill rats on chips or bases. Oh, yeah, I heard that one. That's fascinating. You're writing one of those cats, thank you for your service. Yeah, right? I'm picturing

one of them got like little dog tags. They celebrate veterinarians Day. One of them named Simon even got a medal of valor for surviving a brutal attack and continuing to kill rats. And get ready to party. Today's National Answer Your Cats Question Day, designed to encourage cat owners to pay closer attention to their feline companion's subtle cues, behaviors, and vocalizations to better understand the needs and deepen the bond by imagining just what question is. If your cat could talk, it might ask. I'd probably be wondering what the hell this baby thing is at the house. Yeah, and imagine.

Yeah. And maybe feed me more. What question? She's iffy about it. You have to imagine what question your cat might ask. Wow, I have no idea. I'm still picturing this cat on a battleship in World War II. Also, what kind of attack did this cat get into?

Well, like probably a torpedo attack, you know, on a ship, you know, or trade and fire with a... with an airplane, that kind of, I'm sure that's what they mean. And that cat, I mean, what a lucky bastard. Everyone else on the boat is terrified for their lives, and the cat, being a stupid cat, is just going, wow, pretty loud around here. If I was a soldier, I would be completely useless because I'd be so focused on the well-being of all the cats.

Are they safe? I would, too. I think I probably would be very protective of the animals. Some guys dying, bleeding out, and Ashley's protecting the cats. He's giving a cat mouth-to-mouth. Ashley's got a ball of twine in the corner of the ship playing with the cat. Oh, look it. Do you guys see that?

How did they keep finding our ships? Well, Ashley's over there with a laser pointer. Lighting up the deck just to play with the cats. Ball of yarn. Netflix adds a new comedy series today titled Free Bert with comedian Bert Kreisher. Buckle up, Ashley. Oh, I'm excited. Turning his stand-up persona loose.

inscripted form. Does he take his shirt off? I would imagine so. I don't think he really does that too much anymore. Sorry, I blew up. I haven't really noticed, but he lost like a bunch of weight, so it's not as funny anymore. I'm sorry. You're too good of shape.

It's not funny anymore. You know, it's weird. I'm glad you brought that up because just this morning I was reading a stat that airlines are predicted to save several hundred million dollars a year because of Ozempic. That's crazy. With so many people losing weight and fuel costs to be specific. Wow, that is bananas. That somebody did that arithmetic.

I know. No kidding. I'd imagine it was the people who make Ozempic. I don't know. A lot of us are really thinning out, aren't we? We're all dialed into that Ozempic. The show follows Christchre as he stumbles. You should probably try some of it.

Oh. Don't do that, Josh. I'm starting with diet and exercise. It's the last resort. I'll get you. I'll get you a bucket of that Ozzypick. The show follows Kreischer as he stumbles through the polished rituals of Beverly Hills after his daughters enroll at an ultra-exclusive private school,

forcing him to navigate high-status snob, social codes, and a world that treats his unfiltered family mayhem as a minor offense. Kind of tired of watching Josh try to squeeze through the studio doors here every morning. They're putting in bigger doors. Ashley and I recommended bigger doors. Yeah, you're welcome. They're going to do it. They won't pass new microphones, but they are going to make it easier to get in here.

Tonight on HBO, part one of a two-part special about the life and career of actor, comedian, and director Mel Brooks, called Mel Brooks, the 99-year-old man. He's still alive? Yeah, he's still alive. F me running. Part two airs tomorrow night. And opening in limited release, a new music documentary about the band Megadeth called Megadeth Behind the Mask in theaters today only. What? In movie theaters?

Yeah. A movie about Megadeth? Yeah, yep. F me. Front man, Dave Mustaine, reflects on 40 years of the band and the one-night-only event featuring career-spanning interviews. He premieres the band's final album

with exclusive track-by-track insights on their final studio album. Megadeth, whose new album is released tomorrow. You know one Megadeth song lyric that I just can't get over because I think it's so cool, so cool sounding? I'm going to say it, and you're going to tell me the song, Josh, are you ready?

I'm probably not if it's a lyric. Until all his life. Lost Personal Holocaust. I couldn't tell you. Foreclosure of a dream. Dang it, I was even going to guess that. How hell do you not know foreclosure of a dream? I know foreclosure of a dream.

I love that song, but yeah, I did not know. I thought I said that pretty Dave-like, too. Not bad. I liked whatever it was. Wasn't that written about Minnesota farming or something? Good question. Dave told us that at one point. Until all is lost personal holocaust.

Foreclosure of a. dream. That's pretty good Dave Mustain right there, if I could say so myself. Megadeth is opening for Iron Maiden this fall on Maiden's Run for Your Lives World Tour. You're going to cry like a child. Oh, I know. And I'll be right there with you. What a great show that's going to be.

Plus, I really want to check out that new Mystic Lake Amphitheater, where that show will be held. Before we go, and I'm sorry, we're running so late. WNBA All-Star. Who cares? Caitlin Clark is 24. celebrity chef, Guy Fierry 58, Exorcist star Linda Blair 67, and original journey singer and rock and roll hall of famer, Steve Perry, 77. Steve Perry!

QA. Jesus, text in a shout-out to the Becker and Foley Fire Departments who fought a housefire last night. He said they got down about 1 a.m. this morning and, quote, it was cold as F. I bet it was. Is there a chance to add Steve Perry to that maiden Megadeth program? Can you imagine? Like, yeah, he opens the whole show. Oh, just get me a bucket.

That's too much good stuff. What a way Jesus would like to shout out the city of Zimmerman. They had a seven-year-old girl abducted last night. Maybe he saw that story. Yep. And he said, I think every citizen showed up looking, and they did find that child safe, thankfully. And I lay anything fuzzy flooring, Jesus,

messaged the Luther, Bloomington Kia text line. Did you just fall and die? Are you okay, Dana? He has to go plug in the thing. Oh, no. Should I go slower? Yeah, maybe give them some extra time. And we've been running so late.

He wanted to say, happy birthday to his cabin brother, Joe P. Where is he? You want some more, I can sing some more Megadeth to you. I can never have too much Megadeth. There he is. Hey, we're good. Randy Shaver. On the half-assed morning show.

So Eric Furlatt, long time official. He's a good one. He goes to the intermission. He watches the video and he says, oops. So what do you do? You come out before the turds. starts. He says, Lane, my bad, I missed that one. And when a refs says that, you can't really be mad. You can't be frustrated, but you can't be mad at him. It's like, I screwed up, I missed it. We've got to move on.

And so that recognition always goes a long way with the players. Oh, you bet it does. Hello, Randy Schaeber. Hello. Yeah, that little audio clip is related to our, our Brosky, Marky Falino. In that hockey game, the pigs played in Montreal a night or two ago. I didn't see this when it happened. in real action, but a lot of folks have been texting in that you've got to watch this video. Mark, Felino, skating around this way, that way for the pigs the other night. He just straight up H. He just straight up fell down. It looked like he was tripped the way he fell.

Like a mite playing at 6 a.m. at your neighborhood rink. He just fell down for no good reason. Marcus did. Well, the referee imagined that a Canadian player. must have tripped him, calls a penalty on this Canadian player, sends him to the penalty box. I've never seen a hockey player looks more confused than this this Montreal player. I think you actually in the video you see him say to the ref, me? Yeah, he didn't look mad.

He was very confused. But I mean, there are certain angles. I saw a bunch of videos from different angles. It kind of look like that's what happened. But when you see like a good angle, it's nowhere near close to what happened. wasn't anywhere near Felino. Not at all. Felino just fell down.

And this is something, of course, we can talk to him about next week. And that's the audio of the play-by-play guys discussing what happened. The referee, what did they say his name is? Doesn't matter. The referee later on skated up to Marcus, or pardon me, skated up to the Canadian player who he called the penalty on and said, yeah, I completely F that one up. I know you weren't anywhere near Phile.

That is one of the cool things about NHL officials. is they'll call themselves out pretty quickly over a bad call, and everyone gets over it. Players are able to get over it, especially when nothing happened as a result, and nothing did happen as the result of that situation in Montreal. Marcus has been a real center of attention lately. We're very much looking forward to talking to him next week. He's got a lot going on. He's got a lot going on lately.

You know, the game, even the NBA, the game's, go so fast. The action happens so fast that I think you have to give these officials a little bit of grace sometimes just because it is a very difficult thing to do to officiate I think in this day

and age of professional sports, especially those two sports. Things just happen so fast. You know, I have a very difficult time giving NBA officials any grace at all. I know you do. I know you do, but I still think that I struggle so badly.

with that. The game is just, it's changed so much. It's just such a fast game now. Game in, game out. I struggle so badly with NBA officials. I'm trying Randy Shaver. I understand. But I'm still going to call them the worst officials in the world today. Work for the National Basketball Association. Back to hockey, the pigs play a home game tonight, not until around 845 or so. Yep, the late game tonight. And they play Detroitlet, who I understand. I haven't looked at the standings or anything, but I understand the Red Wings are having a good year.

Okay. 8.30, 845, somewhere's in that neighborhood over at the home rink, Pigs Red Wings. So maybe someone can tell me if you have the NHL standings in front of you. I thought they were a first place team for respect. They're tied for first of the Lightning in the Atlantic Division. Yeah, that's good. There you go.

Didn't they just play last night? I have no idea. Is this a back-to-back? Maybe not. The Wild one in, or excuse me, the Reds. I'm talking about Detroit. I think they played last night. Yeah, the Red Wings, they won in overtime last night

against the Maple Leafs. Yeah. You don't see back-to-backs too often in the NHL anymore. Well, it goes that schedule thing where they got to cram as many games in as possible because of the Olympics coming up. Trying to get her done before the Olympics. is the situation they're in. Okay.

Maybe Marcus will do something unique tonight on the ice. Here's a little something speaking of the Olympics. Florida Panthers defenseman Seth Jones will miss the Olympics. He's been a standout American defenseman for many years. Has made quite a few of those international clubs, if my memory serves me correct, is how to say it. He's hurt. He can't play.

He'll be replaced on Team USA by Anaheim Ducks defenseman Jackson Lacombe. From right here in town, I believe, went to Eastview High School. Yes, that's true. Jackson Lecombe. The pride? The pride of East View. Absolutely. Then he went to Shattuck.

Then he went to the U. So he'll be jumping in there with Brock Faber and Booger. and some other characters playing on Team USA. What do you think about that, Randy Schaber? That's a nice little... Awesome. More Minnesotans the better. Nice little something.

This could be the liquor talking, but Seth Jones, the son of Popeye Jones? No. Yeah. I believe I'm correct about that. Oh, man. Son or nephew of Popeye Jones.

Popeye Jones was a NBA player for a long time, like a sixth man type player. It wasn't always a starter but came off the bench. And Seth became this terrific professional hockey player. Yeah. Seth and Caleb. Both of his kids are professional hockey players.

Really? There's two of them. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Popai. Oh, wow. Listen, this little fact I read on Wikipedia. During Jones tenure with the Nuggets is Popeye Jones. He approached Joe Sackick of the Avalanche about his son playing ice hockey. Sackick advised the Elder Jones

and roll his sons in skating lessons first before they just threw him out on the ice and they had played hockey. I'll tell you what. Okay. He approached Joe Sackick. Mm-hmm. Well, he was in one of the right cities

to get his kids started on hockey. Denver? Yeah, he could have been playing for the Miami Heat or something. Oh, yeah, right. You know what I mean? If his kids had interest. I bet you hockey's come a long way in the last 25 years in Colorado.

Oh, yeah. I mean, I'll tell you this much. One of my best pals. Now he, yeah, one of my favorite people growing up, played on some hockey teams together. He cared more about his drugs than honing his hockey skills, this friend of mine. But it's just a wonderful guy. We always had a riot. This is early 90s he moved to Colorado.

So the avalanche weren't a thing yet. Not until when did they move from Quebec? 96. Around there, yeah. Right. So this Palomime, who again, decent hockey player, nothing spectacular, moves to Colorado and joins a men's league, and he's dangling fools like he is Joe Sackick, right? He's wiping the floor with these fools in this Colorado men's hockey league. He had dudes pull him aside saying, yeah, where'd you go to college? Where'd you play hockey? He's like, dude, I didn't, I played nowhere.

But at least 35 years ago, whatever this is, 30 years ago, that was the difference, I think, between the average Minnesota hockey player and the average Colorado hockey player. Yeah, it makes sense. I bet that's changed dramatically. Yeah. With that professional club being in town for so long now. We were talking about Popeye Jones, former NBA players,

got two kids in the NHL. Here locally, obviously we know who Trent Tucker is. His kids are huge into hockey, and he's turned into a hockey day. now. And he talks about it. He goes, never in a million years would I think I'd be spending this much time in ice arenas. One of my favorite people ever, Randy Schaber, Trent Tucker. For sure. Great. One of the nicest guys ever.

A fun listen for NBA analysis when he was doing Timberwolves games. Was there anything better than when he and Kevin Harlan? And my favorite thing about Trent Tucker were his hard ours. Yes. He had very hard ours in his delivery. And that's why I was rolling on the floor watching the wolves years ago when he said, Terry Porter. Porter. Terry Porter.

Terry Porter. Is a very important three-point shooter. Yes, yes. He got a lot of them in. Yes. He was the color analyst for a lot of the Kevin Garnett games. And he was fabulous. Mm-hmm.

All right. So we were wondering aloud a day or two ago. whether or not this brutal cold that's headed our way was going to bone all this hockey day in Minnesota jibber jane. Right, down in Hastings. I still haven't heard a word unless I'm missing something. I think they're gearing up to play everything. That's crazy. They can't.

But there's like some pond hockey stuff they canceled. And some of like the hoopla around that has been canceled. We can tell you this much. The first two days of the United States pond hockey. championships have been canceled due to this grandma killing cold that's on the way. That tournament seems to get boned every year. It's either too hot or too cold. It does.

You're right. It does. A beer party was planned for tonight and over the hill donkeys were supposed to start playing pond hockey tomorrow morning, but the organizers don't want anybody dropping dead, so they've put a lid on it. Teams are going to vote, it says here, on an updated schedule, and they'll go from there. but they can't put these high school kids out on a frigging rink when it's 40 below zero win. Haven't they already started some of those, though?

Some of those teams have played, right? But I'm talking about come tonight through Sunday. Right, right. I mean, I don't care. Who you are? I know, I mean, I got plenty of buddies who have high school age kids, some of them who play high school hockey. I can't think of one of them who's going to put on his little Wizetta hat and sit outside when it's 40. degrees below zero to watch their kid play.

Right. That would be crazy. So I'll be shocked if they actually go through with this on Saturday when the main hockey day, you know, kicks in. What do they got here? Hastings versus someone called Park. Hastings versus East Ridge, who clearly has the advantage, right? Oh, no, you went to East View.

Sorry. Rock Ridge, St. Thomas Academy. There's no way. But we'll see. I know if I was running things, I'd say no. What is the projected low for Saturday? Like regular temperature, like 12, 13 below, wind chill, 35, 40 below. Yeah.

There's got to be a cutoff there. There's got to be. Yeah. Again, when they send cross-country skiers out in some events, and it gets to a certain point, they just say, no, we're not doing that. Yeah. I know some schools have said they're going to close. Don't you anticipate that you're my godson school. Do you anticipate they'll call it tomorrow?

I don't know. So there was like a meeting last night unrelated. It was just kind of like a high school, before high school parents meeting. And they mentioned don't be surprised if on Friday, because they're supposed to start registering if on Friday we close the school. Yeah. So they're certainly saying it's a possibility.

And a few people that are texting in. When we had this conversation a couple days ago, we know. A few people that are texting. texting in, well, what about this hockey day from seven years ago? It was 20 below. What about this? Yeah, we had that conversation. They have played in some pretty ridiculous conditions for this little happy-ass hockey day thing.

But I don't know. I just think it's going to be just too much to ask of kids and parents. And the people who have to work. The dude on the Zamboni. I didn't think about those people. The people tearing tickets and whatnot. I mean, it's just... Keep in mind, Nick, that these communities, it's like a two-year process.

You're named Hockey Day, Minnesota host like two years ago. So Hastings has been planning this for. I have a buddy he does the Brainerd, I think, is next year. Yeah. Up in Brainerd. Well, they've been planning for like two years. So, I mean, imagine planning for all this time to have this great event in your community and yeah, we all know that the weather can be a factor in just about every outdoor sporting event in Minnesota.

It just depends on the time of year. But how disappointing is that going to be for the people that put all this together, hoping to get big crowds and get a lot of fanfare and have this in your community? And then it basically could get wiped out because of the cold. Yeah. Someone texted in and said that What days it today? Thursday. Tomorrow's events have already been canceled.

I don't know if that's true, but that's just one text message that came in. Speaking of cold, I'm pushing this on everybody. I pushed it on Josh, Dana, and Ashley already. Randy, you got a lot of downtime over there at the gray hair hotel. A movie called Society of the Snow. It's on Netflix. I found it the other night. It's a grittier, more real telling of the story of the Uruguayan soccer team that crashed into the Andes Mountains.

Okay. It's a great movie. I know how that ends. So, you know. Well, it ends wonderfully. It does. It has a glorious ending. Someone texted, because I talked about it a couple days ago, someone texted and said, hey, they tried the movie, but they had to turn it off.

when there was a scene where one of the players is so hungry, he's eating his own scabs. Oh, yeah, I'd have to turn it off then, too. I think I'm good. Players being rugby players on the crashed airplane, not on the ball field. Did you guys grow up with the scab eater? No.

We did. It was so gross. Thankfully not. Yeah, there's a kid in my class. And no shame. He didn't bother him. He didn't care what anybody said. He wanted that scab, and he wanted it.

now. I witnessed some scab eating. I did, Josh, but I did, we didn't have that kid who was known for it. That's not right. And by the way, my buddy Dougie fell for it. He texted in and said, Jackson Lecombe went to Eden Prairie. Settle down, Dougie. It's a, sorry, Dougie, it's a joke. We always determine every famous athlete from Minnesota that made it big, they all went to Eastview. It started with the Jones brothers, Ty is and Trey Jones. And it got to the point where My eighth grade history teacher is now an assistant principal at Apple Valley High School. And he said, he goes, he got an email from some old-timers like, there's some punk on the 93X show that claims Tyos Jones went to Eastview.

You need to do something about it. What? I mean, especially when some of these, it's so well known when they went to high school. Exactly. It's pretty obvious you're being sarcastic. Yeah, so when he emailed me that, he goes, I figured it was you on the show that was doing it. and he thought you'd get a kick out of it because he knew me, he knew my sense of humor back

in the day. That's pretty funny. Neil Broughton, Eastview. Eastview. Yes. All right, I just got a text message from a friend of mine who knows some things and says they're playing the game Saturday and the organizers of Hockey Day in Minnesota have said

there's going to be heated tents and fire pits available throughout the joint to try to keep you from dropping dead. Okay. Wait till you see the rosy cheeks on those frigging kids. Tom Coughlin times 100. Yep.

I love Rosie. Somebody said they just want to see Kevin Gorgon a scarf. They think it'd be adorable. Yeah, I can imagine that. They're all going to have that Tom Coughlin NFC title game. Herpy face. Ah, yeah. Grass janitor Jesus said he works with outdoor Zamboni outdoors.

And he said when he gets that cold, they're even hard to operate. They don't run very well. Oh, I'm sure. I can put nothing runs right when it's 30 below there you go all right randy shaver tonight timba woe chicago bull timboe seven o'clock over there will they make a deal while the bulls are in town well we covered that i will they make a deal i'd be i'd be excited to see it done i don't Yeah. Don't know so much it will happen.

Yeah. Speaking of... If anything else, people can get a up-close view at what the potential players could be. I mean, Trey Jones is being talked about. Right. We've talked about Kobe White. Eastview. Yeah.

So we'll see. Yeah, speaking of all that, you've heard this tune before, but what the hell will let her buck. Yard Barker came up with the five playoff caliber NBA teams that can't afford to stand pat at the February 5th trade deadline and they brought up the Timberwolves point guard situation and they mentioned

Trey Jones and they mentioned La Mello Ball and John Morant but here's the one that I like the most because I just proclaimed him my new favorite player in the NBA I think just a week ago Dennis Schroeder who currently plays for the Sack Mental Kings and the reason why I declared to my new favorite NBA player

is he's the guy who tried to punch baby nuts in the mouth. So yes, bring Dennis Schrader, Schroeder, whatever. Bring him here. And I want to watch him beat them. I think the wolves are looking for more of a long-term solution at that position. Schroeder wouldn't be that guy. No, well, here's what the article says.

The wolves simply need to be. a professional who can defend competently, knock down open shots, and organize the offense when Anthony Edwards needs a breather. But you're right, I think, in the grand scheme of things, they could really use a 24-year-old

point guard that will stick around for years, easier said than done. Correct. They thought Dillingham might be that guy, but it appears that he's not going to be. The wolves are in a position. right now. They've lost three in a row. They've dropped to the seven spot in the west. Yeah, they're trailing the nuggets by two games, and the nuggets have been without

yokeets for like two weeks, so they haven't been able to take advantage of Denver being shorthanded. A little bit of a skid happening right here. Yep. So this is a big, a big stretch here for the wolves to try to get this thing back on track. Especially that terrible fourth quarter they had against Utah. Ooh, the article also mentions Randy Shaver, you know, the not the twins, but the timber wool really could go for it and make a deal with Portland for Drew Holiday. Again, not a long-term solution. But they'd have to give up Nas Reed. No way.

No, of course not. No way. Yeah, Drew Holiday's pushing 40. Yeah, that's not a long-term solution. Catfishing, Jesus texted in. Don't get Dennis Schroeder. He's a dud. Dude, I don't need him to play basketball very well.

I need him to knock baby nuts out. cold the next time the Lakers play here in town. And then they can do whatever they want with them. I love you catfishing, Jesus. Sorry, but I don't need him to play basketball. He's very knowledgeable about basketball for sure. Many other things I'd imagine.

He actually got me a Nazreid automograph. Not that longer. One NBA team beat the other by 54 points last night. Well, that's the Knicks deciding they were going to play basketball after getting booed so badly by their fans the other night. 54 points. Yeah, I mean, Brooklyn's a sad state of affairs. They beat the wolves.

Well, again, I know. This is the wolf's issue. Yeah. Right? They lose about 10 games a year to bad teams. Yeah. They just do. It's just, it's frustrating.

Hey, Randy Shaver, something we were talking about earlier. You ever find anything in your food? You're out at a restaurant. you're having some dinner. You find a hair or a thumbnail or a band-aid or a tampon or a dead rat or a... Oh, gross, all of it. I have once in a while, but not lately. Why?

Because we were having the conversation earlier about things we found in our food. I once had to unwrap what appeared to be one of Crystal Gale's hairs out of... And only if you're older do you... Crystal Gale was a country singer back in the 80s who had hair down to her ankles. But I once pulled with my hands, I pulled a hair. I think Randy caught that reference. Yeah. That's hilarious.

I pulled a hair out of my meal that had wrapped all the way around the meatloaf. Oh, man. To where when I was pulling the hair out, the meatloaf was rolling on the plate. Like a yo-yo. Like a yo-yo. And it went through the mashed potatoes and the green beans. Oh, gross. So a Josh found, what did you find in a glass?

A glass, tinfoil. Tinfoil. And certainly hair A lot of hair Everybody's probably experienced that Check this out, Randy Okay, maybe you don't have a story But check this out

This was a text that came in In middle school The listener says I had a spider And please don't do the easy sex joke Because this is a traumatic moment That a listener is still trying to get I know there's an easy joke here But just save it

All right In middle school A spider crawled out of my taco Did you still eat them? Dude He's holding the taco as spider crawls on of his taco. That's gross. Okay.

All right. Yeah, bugs. Not a fan. Bugs, yeah, you don't like bugs. Oh, no, yeah. Not a fan at all. I mentioned before, I'll eat around pretty much anything, but I'm throwing that away if there's a bug in that.

You run the other way. Yeah. Bugs. Don't blame you. Which, again, is odd, because, as we've covered many times before, you grew up surrounded by insects. Yeah, maybe that's something to do with it. It grew up in Minneapolis basement.

I'm covered in them pretty. much every time I woke up. And like it was pretty, it was like a wildlife show. There were so many different varieties. And me too, but I'm kind of like a beast master. I'm kind of like a bug master. I fear none of them. It's almost like I was raised with them. So they're a part of your family. Yes, I fear no bugs. Apparently this time it's for realsies, Randy Schaber. Dick Mountain is all done playing baseball. Oh, boy. End of an era. And they say here is what, 45? 45 years old. Rich Hill, otherwise known as Dick Mountain, had a cup of coffee here with the twins,

but he's had a cup of coffee with damn near everybody. They say his career may never be replicated. Now he's looking to coach or something along those lines, and I'm sure he'd make a good one. Probably. He's seen a lot. 21 seasons. He pitched in virtually every imaginable role, it says here. No.

despite averaging just 89.2 miles per hour on his Dick Mountain fastball, 21 years he lasted in the Biggs. Even this past season, he pitched a few winnings for the Kansas City Royals. Well, one of the things that allows him to do that, we see that a lot in baseball is he's left-handed, right? And he had an incredible curveball. Yep, left-handed pitchers last much longer than right-handed pitchers. At least it feels that way. seems that way.

Let me give you the rundown on Dick Mountain. Starting in the year 2000-ought-5, here are the teams that he played for in order. Chicago Cubs, Baltimore Orioles, Boston Red Sox, Cleveland Indians, Los Angeles, Angels of Anaheim and the Greater Orange County Area, public and parochial, New York, Yankees, Boston Red Sox again, Oakland Athletics, Los Angeles, Dodgers, Minnesota Twins,

Tampa Bay, Ray's, New York Mets, Boston Red Sox again, Pittsburgh Pirates, San Diego, Padres, Boston Red Sox again, Kansas City Royals. Imagine he's one of those guys who are in his basement. He has a jersey for every team he played for, hung up. He'd be a pretty big basement. Friggin' wallpaper. Dick Mountain. The one and only Dick Mountain.

Did you ever hear the song? No. It's because there isn't one. I'm a fan. Good for him. Wow, that's great. 21 years. All right.

On to football. I suppose tomorrow we can talk about those title games a little bit if you like. Buffalo Bill's owner, Terry Pegula. Pegula? Yeah. Terry Pegula. Interesting name. He was recently asked why he decided to fire head coach Corky McDougal over there.

Sean McDermott. He does kind of look like a corky, though. Corky McDougal. A lot of folks thought that the owner's answer was pretty amusing. Now, the Buffalo Bill's owner admitted that the McDougal firing was because of the playoff loss to the Denver Broncos. And here's what he said. He said, my decision to move on at head coach was based on the results in Denver.

He also cited the emotional reaction of quarterback Josh Allen after the game was over. The owner's quote was, I saw the pain and emotion on Josh Allen's face in the locker room. I saw that he had given us everything he had. Now, what folks find so funny about that garbage is that when you look at the ball game, most of the blame for the loss probably should go on the shoulders of Josh Allen. Right. He turned the ball over four times in the ball game.

So the consensus is what Mr. Pagula should have said was that McDougal just simply can't get over the hump. It happens. That's part of the issue with this owner. You know, there's also this discussion about he kind of threw McDermott under the bus yesterday in a press conference talking about the general manager got promoted and the coach got fired. And the people, reporters asked the general manager about, you know, the receiving issue in Buffalo has been a big point of controversy that they never really gave Josh Allen the kind of receiving help that he needed to be for their offense to be better.

And one of those players in question is Keon Coleman, who was, drafted by the bills. And so the GM was asked about Coleman, who turned out to be kind of a dud of a player. And the owner interrupted the beginning of the answer by the GM and basically blamed the coaching staff in McDermott for choosing Coleman, wanting Coleman in the draft. So that started a whole big, as Dana would testify, started a whole big deal in Buffalo now. that the owner has stepped all over McDermott trying to protect this GM, which it should have been the other way around. Exactly.

The GM did not supply the coach with the kind of players that they needed. That's funny stuff. And it's funny too because after that happened when the quote about Keon Coleman and how the coaching staff pushed to pick them, it wasn't being. Bill's fans immediately found clips of Bean. You know, they do those behind-the-scenes documentary things before the draft, talking about how Keon Coleman's my guy, you know, if he's there, he's ours, you know, this and that, just hyping the guy up. And this wasn't like interviews. This was just the raw footage of them

in the war room. Right. So the whole thing's the best. Mike Greenberg put it best from ESPN. He said, I didn't think there was a chance in hell that somehow the coaching, or the coaching vacancy where he got to have Josh Allen as your quarterback could somehow become less attractive, but they found a way to do it. And there is some, I think there's a possibility that Josh Allen may not be in Buffalo. I think that is a possibility. It may not happen. If I were him, I'd never leave there.

Jesus, the owner is completely in love with him, obviously, right? I mean, Alan has a terrible football game. The owner blames the coach. I would never leave. I bet you Josh Allen could murder a litter of kittens in the locker room, and no one would say a word. Yeah, he kind of runs that town. He runs it, Randy Shaver.

He's like LeBron James. But now, I never in a million years would have thought that Josh would want to leave Buffalo, but after what happened yesterday. I can think I could see that possibility happening someday. Yeah. Does this interest you at all? We talked about Josh's lost interest, Jimmy Garapolo, playing in his seventh conference title game in his career.

For the fifth time in his career, Los Angeles Rams wide receiver, Devante Adams, will play in the NFC championship game. He's still looking for his first win. Oh, by the way. The guy who had a spider crawl out of his taco got back to us. This was in grade school at school, and a spider crawled out of his taco at lunch. And he said, you know what the cafeteria ladies did, Josh?

What's that? They offered him another taco. Yeah, what else are they going to do? I wouldn't turn it down. Here's one without spiders in it. Spider-free. Yeah. We were had, Josh, by the William Shatner gimmick.

Yeah, I felt a bit foolish, but it was such a, for whatever reason, it was such a big story that, you know, everybody's talking about this kind of goofy story, this photo, and I never even considered that it could be what it was. I never think about Super Bowl commercials. I don't. I don't either. I'm not one of these people who gets, yay, the commercials. I've never cared. So it never entered my mind. So Randy Schaever, are you in the dark on this?

I am, yes. Did you see the photo that was kind of going around? I did not. William Shatner was photographed behind the wheel of a motor vehicle eating a bowl of cereal. And I thought it was funny. You know, people online are, you know, this is the stuff about online that I like. These goofy arguments, they're deciding what kind of cereal it was, really breaking it down. And sometimes the descriptions were hilarious how much people put in time they put into this.

But Raisin Brand overwhelmingly was the number one answer. Yeah, so it was all a Super Bowl ad Or it was all prepping for a Super Bowl ad To run in a couple of weeks And it worked, I mean, they got the attention I was, I think maybe we even mentioned it like, Why is this such a big thing? But it was just kind of a funny photo for Kellogg's.

Yeah, some Kellogg's flavor of cereal. William Shatner will be pushing it when you're watching the Super Bowl in an ad. So he was filming the commercial. People were taking still photographs of him behind the wheel, eating a bowl of cereal. Oh, and it's going to be, it sounds like the ad will feature a poop joke or two. Randy, you'll be dialed into that.

Yeah, he's been making poop jokes about it. Fiber and whatnot, you know, old folks struggling to push one out. It'll be that kind of a thing. Sure. You know, it used to be that those commercials were all big surprises, that they would never give any sort of a preview or a hint or anything. And now I think it's become the fad where you do give hints out. You do give a preview just so that people know that something is coming,

that maybe that's the way that they get them to tune in now. You want to hear a cute joke? A little bit different strategy. It is. You're right. You want to hear a cute joke, use puck back Jesus, used puck, bag, Jesus said via text. William Shatner's cereal surely isn't kicks because, I don't know, tricks because

tricks are for kids. Yeah, of course, everybody knows that. And William Shatner is 94 years old. Speaking of Super Bowl ads, again, if this is something that you're thrilled by, here you go. Post Malone, who I've heard of, Shane Gillis,

I'm not familiar with Shane Gillis. Comedian. You'd know him if you saw him. He is in a lot of commercials. And Peyton's Manning are returning as the big men on the cul-de-sac bit for Bud Light, if that means anything to you. I did used to get kind of excited to see the commercials, but not as much anymore. Really for what Randy says, like, you know, a month beforehand, they've already aired them.

They already showed them. Or not even air. I mean, you can just see them online. Yeah, go on YouTube. Well, what is this? More on the William Shatner commercial that says it'll feature him in. a spaceship a nod to his real life trip to space aboard a blue origin rocket? Does anyone know what I just said? Yeah, there's some celebrities that have been doing that. He's gone to space for

real? Yeah, yeah, he did. How did he like it? I guess I didn't really hear much about his return. They shoot you up there for what, an hour or two and then you sink back down to Earth? That was very short amount of time. Yeah, it's not even an hour or two. Oh, I have no, I'm just guessing. Yeah, no, I know. He, uh, so he really went up there, Captain. Captain Kirk 10 to 11 minutes it says here 10 to 11 minutes

Oh so that's it There's some Josh knows this There's some Iron Maiden songs You can't even get through In 10 to 11 minutes Dream theater There'll be another one

So there you go Randy Shaver Oh Tomorrow's the final final It'll be about 40 below zero When we talk to you tomorrow One last note before we go Brian Flores has agreed to a contract so the Vikings will keep him as long as he doesn't get a head coaching job.

Yeah, I thought that part was very funny. It's kind of like you ask a girl to prom and she's like, yes, but if a more popular guy asks me, then I'm going to go with him. I get a better offer. Tell me the stipulation again. The Vikings have rehired him. They have signed him to a contract extension, which will be in place unless he gets a new head coach. unless he gets a head coaching job. He just seems like it's not even really a big deal then.

So he has an out. Yes. Oh, he's been interviewing all over the place. But he had signed a deal. You know, he didn't have a deal previous. He was kind of a free agent. But he signed with the Vikings unless he gets a head coaching job. So I know Viking fans will be thrilled about that

because he did such a great job with their defense. And the Brewers traded Freddie Peralta last night, which is a monster deal in Major League Baseball because Peralta helped the Brewers get to where they needed to get last year. Dodgers? Let's, let me guess. Mets. No, trade it to the Mets. It's always the Dodgers of the Mets. Yep, got a couple of prospects,

and it's going to end up being a really good deal for both teams because the Mets get a front-line pitcher, and the Brewers get two really good prospects. That'll be around for about 10 years. So this is kind of what the Brewers do, right? They get these great players. They have fabulous years, and they trade them. They get prospects and they start over.

It's the old Montreal Expos bit. Yeah, yep. They just seem to rebuild every year. All right, Randy Shaver, get yourself ready for a Friday broadcast tomorrow. We thank you. We'll talk to you. You bet. See you.

And coming up next, this and possibly even that, we'll return here in a few minutes on the Half-Ass Morning Show. The 93X Half-Ast Morning Show. What's going on? podcast pimps. Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer and I think you should too. An AC tune up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns, and peace of mind before we get choke slammed with heat. And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tuneup or $90 and you

add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80 degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com. Providing the comfort you deserve this 1930. Years of hard work and now you've got pain in your back, your shoulders, your knees, maybe your joints, you need help. Randy Shaver here with the answer. Dave Bealki, he's got over 30 years experience in getting workers' compensation benefits for people just like you.

Don't suffer. Call Bealky Law today. 763-571-2410 or go to Bialkylaw.com. That's B-I-A-L-K-E-L-L-L-K-E-L-L-L-L-E-L-L-L-L-E. And it spells relief for you. This isn't your average podcast. This pot is about to be crazy. I don't even know what's going to happen.

This is Full Send. It's just like a boy's scrap. Join the party. We threw like a spontaneous party. Out of nowhere is crazy. And we pulled off a crazy prank. Pranks, parties and viral culture at its wildest. Just seeing like the guys that you brought in and like seeing their different personalities and stuff.

It's been entertaining, dude. This could be the greatest content build of all time, bro. The Full Send podcast. Dude, let's get ready to rumble. Follow and listen on your favorite platform. Let's do it. 93X, the home of the half-assed morning show. Yeah, you know, we've been jaw jacking up and down this morning,

going back and forth about finding something terrible in our food. You're out summers to eat. You find a hair or you find something awful, or maybe even something just bizarre. I mean, my favorite from earlier on when we had this conversation was someone who finished a meal at a restaurant and found somebody's car key on the frigging car key. Crazy.

What about this, Josh? A listener said he was out having a pizza pie. And there was a fishing reel? A reel? What? What were you at Bill Dances' Pizzaria? It makes no sense. A fishing reel.

Babe Winkleman's Pizza Shack? A fishing reel. Somebody just said a... That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. Do you mean like a lure? Well, he wrote real. Yeah, he must mean lure.

A lure would be more reasonable. Yeah, I found a carburetor on there. I almost take the whole thing. We appreciate you listening. We got a little ways to go here on the Half Fast Morning Show. I was just a reading something completely different. I've heard old Cubby say something along these lines afore. It says here, being a parent, desensitizes,

you to gross things. Now, I told you that beforehand, Ashley, because you thought you weren't going to be able to handle some of it. Yeah. How's that going? That's going completely fine. Yeah, you become very, it's like whatever. He could spit.

I don't even use like a napkin or a little baby towel to clean up his spit up anymore. I'm like, oh, my sleeve's right here. Yeah, something changes. Yeah. Being a parent desensitizes you to grow stuff. Oh, I have a question. even the person you created your child with? That's a joke.

Once you've been a parent for a while, gross stuff doesn't seem so gross anymore. As a matter of fact, whoever put this report together sat some poor bastards down, volunteers, to look at disgusting pictures of things like vomit,

feces. And they mixed in pictures of normal things as well. And the goal was to track how fast people clicked away from the gross pictures. 99 of the volunteers were parents. 50 of them didn't have kids. Oh, I didn't know there was going to be arithmetic involved here. Let me see if I can get this correct. Well, you don't need to know the numbers.

The non-parents clicked away. much faster than the parents when looking at the disgusting pictures. The non-parents were way more likely to say, ish, get that away from me. The ones who had, breeded, seemed unfazed by it all. Like it was all just regular life. They barely avoided. They made no real effort to avoid the gross pictures.

So what's the worst you've ever seen? The two parents we have Hanging out here, Cubby and smashly, worst you've ever seen. Blowouts are gross. Yeah, I mean, I don't even make they're gross anymore.

They're kind of funny. Now, is that when the diarrhea escapes the diaper? Yeah, and somehow like makes it up to their neckline. Yeah, it's weird. It's usually like the way they're sitting, I realize.

A friend of mine once sent me a picture of a car seat where a blowout happened. I'm like, there is no way a child created all that. It looks like somebody took a five-gallon bucket of diarrhea and dumped it in the car seat. Yeah, it really sucks when they do it on like something else you have to clean

just because it's a pain in the ass to have to clean something else. I never noticed like a change in just my overall tolerance towards gross things. I'm more met just like when it's your kid. When it comes out of your kid, it's not as gross as you as you're anticipating it to be. I mean, you can't handle it better. But just in general, if I saw like some diarrhea on the floor here, I'd be pretty grossed out. So you're saying you won't change my diapers. I will if you needed me to.

But I'd be grossed out by it. I did have something happen. I think it was like last week. My son went to the bathroom and I was like, all right, well, let's go change your diaper here, bud. And as I'm changing his diaper, he decided that he wasn't done. So that's like, that's something to see happen. Right from the tap. Yeah.

It's like, it's like an ice cream machine. Oh, no, you bastard. Ashley, do you have a teepee? No, I got peed on. I've been peed on a couple times. After it happens the first time, I was like, all right, whatever. It was just pee. We were given one of those.

I'd never heard of it. So if you're not familiar, basically it's like a nut cup. You put over your boy. Yeah. Just so you don't get peed on when you're changing the diaper. Yeah, actually the first time it happened,

you're supposed to immediately, like, obviously cover up the penis with a diaper or something, so there's not pee everywhere. But I just, like, backed up. I got scared. I didn't, you know, natural reaction to step away from the pee. I mean, we didn't really need this report because just asked the four of us.

If a baby walked into this room right now with diarrhea up to the back of his neck, Ashley and Josh would probably assist that baby. Dana and I would be running for our very lives. I can't think of anything more repulsive. You don't look at the color mustard yellow the same ever again after you have a child. Stop talking!

That is no such thing as mustard yellow. That's just baby. crap. Chugged up, Plummer Jesus said the other day he was holding his four month old and he managed to puke up milk, got in his mouth. I got puked on by a baby once. Got puked on by a baby.

I've only held about four babies my entire life. And one of them just letter, buck, everything from the very bottom of his little stomach fired out of his yap, landed on me in front of a crowd and everything, Josh, there was people around. I'm like you, though, before my son, I'd only held like an actual baby,

maybe twice. I always would turn it down. I was afraid I'd be the guy that would fumble the baby. I never liked babies. Four kids, no patience, Jesus said as a father and a porta potty cleaner, nothing is gross anymore. Yeah, I bet you've seen it all. Oh, it says here, okay.

New parents, according to this to this little study, new parents start getting desensitized around the six-month mark when your baby hits about six months old. Right after

the kid starts eating solid food it says here. Oh yeah, especially if you skip pure As. So like pure As are basically just like the consistency of mashed potatoes or you do like this thing called baby lead winging. So you give them like actual

like larger chunks of food so they learn how to feed themselves and that's a lot messier. Like you are signing up for sweet potatoes and every crevice of their body if you do a baby lead leaning.

I will say what comes out of a baby once they start eating real food is a lot more gross than what they start out with. Yeah I'm really scared. We're almost there. It's like a little less than a month away. That's a game changer. So if parents are so desensitized to then it's

it's got to be all parents or breeders as I call them who like to trade those awful pictures back and forth on cellular telephones that's got to be all parents single single isn't the word what's the word when you're not a parent

not a parent people they don't they don't trade those do you know those disgusting folks some people think that's funny pictures of their feces yeah pictures of their own feces the only guys I've ever known that have done it were young guys. Oh, well, I guess that bucks that trend.

Because I, with no children in my life, I would never send another person a picture of my feces. I've never got into that either. I never really saw the humor there. I think that's pretty gross. Same here. That's one line. Me and my guy friends have never crossed. No, that's not right.

And I think those kind of folks should be incarcerated for at least a weekend if you send each other back and forth, those awful. I do have one poo photograph story that I enjoy, and this was back in high school, where a couple of the guys were hanging out, and one of them said, hey, man, I got to duck into your John real quick and take a deuce, and he did. And it was a keeper. It broke water by quite a bit. The iceberg. Right.

So these two guys are having the time of their lives with this. colossal Randy Marsh type pile that he put into the toilet. So one of them found a toothpick and they connected a little flag to the toothpick and they stuck it into the top of that horror show.

And they wrote on the flag, they wrote Big Kahuna. Mount Poogee. Okay? And one of them even took a picture with the little portable camera. Fast forward. and five, six months. It's Christmas

Day. And one of these two guys comes out Christmas morning. It's time to sit down with the family and open up presents and he sees this massive wrapped present up against the wall, which is for him. And he's like, what in the hell could that be?

I'm a 17-year-old kid. At that point in your life, usually you just get socks and whatnot. So this massive, that's for me? How could that be? When he unwrapped it, his parents had beautifully framed that picture of the big cahuna. He left behind that portable camera and forgot that he had taken the picture.

When his parents went to develop the film, they found it. And I thought that was just a wildly clever idea, clever little prank to play on that teenage kid. Imagine me the person that developed those photos. Oh, nice little selfie, a family shot. Oh, the big cahuna? Because back then they all saw them. Yep. I thought that was a good one.

All right. Yeah, and the person at Michaels that has to frame that wherever they were. Usually like the 70-some-year-old woman. I forgot about that. I guess I always imagine they framed it themselves. Maybe they did. I don't know. I don't know.

The Half-Ass Morning Show, 93X. Pretty sharp-sounding ad right there. Yeah, I think so. I think that boat sound effect. That was cool. Yeah, that's Cubby. I don't know how to do sound effects. Yeah.

I was just going to do it with my mouth. He said, no, I got these real sound. I'll make it sound cool. Pretty sharp sounding ad right there. All right, we got to get going here shortly and start putting on layers. I can't believe tomorrow is the morning that we agreed to broadcast live from the Hardy's parking lot in Zimmerman. It's a bold choice. Bold choice on our half.

I can't believe this. Tomorrow's Today will be broadcasting live from the parking lot of the Zimmerman Hardee's. What kind of prizes do we have, Josh? Gloves. We're giving away gloves. Oh, they said loves. Look at what's loves. We're giving away ice cream.

Oh, good. As much ice cream as you can eat. Tank tops. Coolers. And flip-flops, coolers. No, it's not tomorrow that we're going to be. in the Hardy's parking lot in Zimmerman Broadcasting Live, but we're working on it. We'd be dead if it was tomorrow.

Before we get out of here, oh, we've covered some things. Last topic we got on, I suppose was, I guess it's a real thing. Being a parent desensitizes you to gross things. Some researchers put some parents in a room with some non-parents. showed them gross pictures of vomit and turds and whatnot. And the parents all said, yeah, what else you got? And the non-parents said, Jesus, get that out of my face. You're wiping off asses and this and that, runny noses,

all the horrors that come with babies. You're desensitized to you. We've got a few text messages on the subject. This individual agrees with something you've said before, Josh. It's got to be your kid. Yeah, for me, that's how it was. I still was grossed out by other things, but for whatever reason, when it's your kid, it seems less gross. This listener says it's got to be your real legitimate child.

I have stepkids. They gross me out all the time, and I generally don't like them. My goodness. Wow. To each their own. He's got to be honest. Maybe there are a couple of dildos as stepkids. I don't know.

The other iron range, Jesus says, being a parent will never, ever, desensit. to criticize you to your child handing you a fresh turd while it's in the bathtub. Got something for you. Yeah, they'll do stuff like that. Here you go, Daddy. Put this somewhere. I'm trying to play in the bathtub. We also talked about, you know, poop humor, the type of folks who like to trade pictures back and forth.

Look what I did, right? Yeah. This is kind of funny, though. I got to admit, one of our listeners said I didn't like this other kid. in high school. So I went into a porta potty and I put his phone number on the wall of the porta potty and I wrote, text me your poop picture. That's so good. I mean, that's gross, but I never would have thought of something like that. You did this bit too, didn't you, Josh? We did this bit years ago. We put one of our pals, names and phone numbers in one of those looking for

rough sex. What do they call it in the business? Classified. Classified. Did they call it classified? The one, yeah, they had a name for it. I think it's classified. I'll go along with it. In the newspaper when I was a kid and

in certain other local periodicals at the back of the paper, there was a men-seeking men, women-seeking women, men-sseeking women, men-saint. The whole smear, right? So we put our buddy's name and number in there and said, I can't remember it was a long time ago,

but we said basically, I'll bone anything. Give me a call. I want you to do this and this to me, just awful things. Put his name and number in there, and then he got some takers. He did, and it was a lot of laughs for everybody, but him, because I think he was still living with his folks.

A coworker got me once similar to that. They posted a photo of a big collection of video games on Craigslist, and the post said, I'm sick of my ungrateful kid. I'm giving away all his video games. Text me at this number if you want to take him off my hands. He doesn't deserve these video games. I'm giving to you for free.

So then all of a sudden, I didn't know what happened. I get like 50 text messages in the span of three minutes. And I'm thinking, who's dead? But no, it's just all these people desperate to try to get these free stash of video games. I'd be so pissed off. Would you really? I don't want to, yeah, getting a bunch of text messages like that. It'd be funny for like half a second.

It was not funny at all, actually. It was very annoying. You're right. You know, I get some of those spam ones, and there's nothing I love more than just hitting delete and report spam. I don't know why. I did that. Same with, like, unsubscribing to things that somehow I became subscribed. Oh, I like doing that.

And emails. So much fun. We got to get going. But another topic that we covered earlier was finding odd, sometimes disgusting items in your food. We were thrown all of us by someone who texted in earlier and said they found. found a fishing reel in a pizza, under a pizza. That seems like something you wouldn't have to find. It'd be quite obvious.

Right. This is a little different, but somewhat similar. Holy balls, this lady must have lost her marbles. Courtesy flushed, Jesus said his grandmother once forgot an egg beater in the cake. Oh, man. I could see all that can happen. Wow, did it still churned out? That's impressive.

I'm sure it did. Yeah, I mean, she's a grandmother. Yeah, true. They know what they're doing. They know how to make cakes. Some grandmother's got cake. Well, I was going to mention my grandma can make cake, but I threw that out there. You know what I mean?

Double up. Yeah. I know what you mean. Some of them got cake. All right, we got to go. Happy birthday to Aubrey and turning and feel free to chant if you want. They requested it 13. 13, 13, 13, 13.

Happy 13th birthday to you. This text says, can I get a birthday shout out to my twin sister from another Mrs. and mister aging like a fine sipping scotch have the happiest of birthdays m dog and fresh fly shade cheeses texting a belated birthday to uh what was that gross one of our listeners found a cow tooth in their hamburger fresh oh i thought her sheez's name was gross and i didn't pick up oh no what was the name uh fly shades fresh fly shade cheeses fresh fly shade cheeses fresh fly shades i have no idea what that means. Cool, shade. Yeah, cool new sunglasses. Oh, cool new sunglasses.

Cool. I'm sorry. Yeah, go ahead. What'd she say? She texted a belated birthday shout out to brown neck flooring Jesus and a happy 15th wedding anniversary today as well. The 93X half-assed morning show. What's going on, podcast, pimps? Dana here to once again sing the praises of standard heating and air conditioning. I got on the ball early. I already got my AC tuned up for summer. I think you should too. An AC tune-up means better efficiency, fewer breakdowns. and peace of mind before we get chokeslammed with heat.

And right now, it's their early bird special. $45 off an AC tune-up or $90 and you add your furnace in as well. Smart folks like me don't wait for the first 80-degree day. We plan ahead. Book by May 25th and check it off your list at standardheating.com, providing the comfort you deserves this 1930.